Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A shout of “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!” echoed through the stairwell on his trip to the laundry room. Turning the corner, he found its source - the bonny woman that just moved in three doors down from him, huffing and muttering far less savory curse words under her breath as she scooped up the socks and underwear scattered all over the bottom few steps. Sensing she was no longer alone, she looked up at him, a pair of knickers clutched in her hand. 

“Well isn’t this quite the classic meets-cute,” her posh English voice sighed. 

“I think you mean meet-cute, Sassenach.” 

The woman huffed at his cheeky remark, perhaps annoyed with the correction, or maybe just exasperated at the entire situation. She seemed frazzled, maybe even harried, suggesting that this laundry mishap was not really the source of her irritation. 

“Sorry for teasing, lass. Do ye need any help?” He asked, setting his empty laundry basket on top of the machine that just indicated his clothes were dry.

Another sigh escaped her lips before she blurted out, “Well, unless you are able to magically cover my nightshift at the hospital tomorrow or get my ex-boyfriend to stop calling me every five minutes, I doubt you are able to give me the help I need.”

A long pause hung between them before the woman started laughing. “Oh god, I am so sorry. I fear you have not caught me on my best day.”

Jamie couldn’t help but find this woman completely endearing. Her dark hair was swept up in a messy bun, barely containing what looked to be a mass of ungovernable curls, and despite the clear fatigue etched onto her face, her eyes sparkled with life, in a most peculiar shade of brown and gold - not unlike the color of his favorite whisky. Jamie found himself unable to look away. 

“Ah, dinna fash. We all have those days, and I am a safe person to take yer stress out on.”

At that, the woman smiled.

“Yer the last that just moved into apartment 317, right? I am just down the hall in 314.”

“Just two weeks ago. I was in London before then.”

“And what brought you to the greatest place in the world? The nonstop sunshine? The charming accents?” 

She laughed at that. “I’m in medical school. I am spending my last year of my training here and also working as a nurse part-time.”

Well that certainly explained her frazzled, exhausted state, he thought to himself. 

“Do ye sleep, lass?”

She laughed at that. “Not much.” The woman went to grab her laundry basket off of the floor, moving towards the door. 

“It was nice to meet you…” her voice trailed off, realizing she didn’t know his name.

“Jamie.”

“It was nice to meet you, Jamie. I’m Claire, by the way.”

“A pleasure to meet you too, Dr. Claire. I hope to see you around.”

She smiled at that before exiting the laundry room, the basket of clean undergarments tucked securely under her arm.

—

Claire let out a sigh as her apartment door closed behind her. There were still a handful of boxes scattered around her sitting room, half unpacked, along with stacks of books on the floor in desperate need of a shelf, and house plants without a table to sit upon. 

The last few weeks had been a nonstop barrage of…life. When her transfer to the University of Edinburgh’s medical school was approved, she only had a month to pack up her life in London and get to Scotland before her semester would start. Everyday since had been filled with the neverending logistics required to upend your life and start over again in a city you had never visited and where you only knew one person. She had barely taken a moment to breathe between the chaos of it all, but every time she walked into her new apartment, she exhaled with the knowledge that she finally had a place where she felt safe and at home. 

She went into her bedroom, the only room which was fully unpacked and put together, complete with a vase of blush colored English roses on her dresser. Her Uncle Lamb had loved roses, and fresh roses were a way for her to remember him by. It was one of the rare indulgences she allowed herself. Claire smiled at the roses and set her laundry basket on the bed. She would take care of putting away her clothes after a cup of tea. 

As the kettle worked itself to a boil, Claire’s mind drifted back to her encounter with Jamie. Her new neighbor was…hot. Tall, broad shouldered, with stunning blue eyes and a mop of red hair that was just the right amount of tousled. Claire normally didn’t have such an immediate physical attraction to people, but there was something magnetic about Jamie. And he was sweet, if a not bit dorky with his teasing. 

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the simultaneous whistle of the kettle and ringing of her phone. As she hurried to grab the kettle off of the stove, she forgot to check and see who was calling before answering.

“Hello?” she greeted the caller, pouring the now boiling water into her mug, along with her favorite black tea. 

“Claire, you finally answered the phone,” Frank’s posh, somehow always snide voice, responded. 

“Dammit Frank, how many times do I need to tell you to leave me the fuck alone. We are over and I don’t want to see you or hear from you ever again.”

“Claire, there is no need to be so crass. It is unbecoming. Please, see reason and -”

Claire didn’t give Frank a chance to finish before hanging up on him, throwing her phone on the couch before collapsing into her favorite reading chair. He had taken to calling her from different numbers at the university, making it nearly impossible to block him from contacting her, despite her best efforts to make it clear that she no longer wanted anything to do with him. 

During her last year of undergrad, Claire had decided to take an elective course alongside her nursing classes. She missed her Uncle Lamb, their adventures all over the world, and the chance to learn about the history of wherever they were staying. And despite being well-versed in the histories of Egypt, countries in South America, and other parts of Europe, Claire was embarrassed to not know much about the history of her own country. So, after pursuing the course catalog, she decided to take a course in the history of Scotland, taught by Professor Frank Randall. 

Frank was several years older than she was, traditionally handsome, and incredibly smart. Looking back, Claire had to remind herself that his outward charm was alluring, and not at all reflective of the repugnant man he actually was. She was not the only woman in her class that found Professor Randall attractive, nor, she would find out much later, was she the first or only student he lured into his traps. 

They didn’t start seeing each other until after Claire graduated the following spring. They had run into one another at a cafe, and Claire was over the moon that Frank had remembered her from class and the few times she had visited him during office hours. From there, they began dating, and six months later, Claire moved in with Frank. 

Once they started living together, the veneer of Frank, his charms, his appeal, slowly started to reveal itself as a lie hiding an ugly, callous man. It was small things at first. Random comments about her appearance or the way she did things. Things she could disregard or make excuses for. But over time, those small things grew bigger, more frequent, and more cruel. And Claire felt trapped. 

She kept herself busy. Picking up as many extra shifts as she could at the hospital. Through nursing, she found a true passion for taking care of others, for healing them, so working extra was not the issue. The hospital was her safe place, unlike the London apartment she and Frank shared. Dread seeped through her every time she walked through the door, unsure of what mood she might find her boyfriend in, unsure of what random thing he would have decided she did wrong that day. Whenever she was home with Frank, tension coiled tightly throughout her body, afraid that even the smallest of noises she made would set him off. 

He was never physically violent toward her. But cold and cruel for no reason. Dismissive of her feelings and her needs. And then, suddenly, he would be attentive and doting, letting Claire think they had turned a corner in their relationship for the better. Until the cycle started again. 

She knew now that what she felt for Frank, and what she thought he felt for her, had never been love. He loved having someone to control, someone to manipulate, and, over time, she slowly resigned herself to his vile behavior, accepting his verbal and emotional abuse for far longer than she ever should have. It was barely a month ago, when she found out she would officially be able to transfer to Edinburgh to finish medical school, that she found the last vestiges of strength in her and finally walked out.

The life she had in London was easy enough to give up. Over time, Frank had slowly, almost imperceptibly, closed her off from her friends, which kept her from not making much of an effort to build anything but friendly, transactional relationships with her work colleagues, leaving her alone and without people to confide in. 

Claire took a few deep breaths and looked around her small, still not fully unpacked apartment. It was still hard for her to not feel the stress and tension she had experienced everyday living with Frank. To walk into her apartment knowing she was safe, that no one would be there to belittle her, was something she would have to get used to with time. And she would have to learn how to forgive herself for letting it get to this point. She sighed and lifted herself out of the chair, not wanting to wallow any more this evening. After putting a healthy splash of milk in her now overly steeped tea, she went back to finish putting away her laundry.

—

Jamie let out a sigh as his apartment door closed behind him. The last few weeks had been quite the barrage of life, and his apartment was looking worse for the wear because of it. He set his laundry basket on the kitchen counter, trying to figure out what he should tackle first. There was a large stack of mail on the table by the door, demanding his attention. And there was a general layer of detritus and dust on almost every other surface of the kitchen and sitting room. Normally a fairly neat and tidy person, Jamie shook his head at himself for letting it get this messy. 

Jamie had called this apartment home for the last three years, moving in right after he finished uni and started working as a bookseller at the largest Waterstones in all of Edinburgh. From a young age, Jamie was obsessed with reading. He loved tales of adventure, stories of love, the classics, and more. He loved it all. At uni, he majored in both English and Scottish literature, which deepened not only his love for literature but his passion for Scotland as well. It was his dream to one day own his own bookshop, focused on sharing his love of books and Scotland, while also being a place for the community to come and feel safe and welcome. 

For now, he was working at Waterstones, saving whatever money he could, in hopes of one day being able to afford a small space to make his dream become reality. The sooner the better, because the last few weeks alone had been nothing but chaos and frustration at work. Working at the largest Waterstones in Edinburgh had its benefits. A large, always rotating selection of new and interesting books to read. And a nonstop parade of customers coming into the store, looking to find a great book for themselves or a loved one. Everyday, Jamie made dozens of recommendations to people, and he took immense pride at the joy he was able to bring his customers through expanding their literary horizons. 

But, the store was too big, and too often filled with tourists looking to hide from the rain or cause havoc by messing up his perfectly curated tables filled with recommendations. And August was peak tourist season, meaning over the last several weeks, the store was overrun with loud, inconsiderate customers, wandering in from off of the Royal Mile, most often in need of a restroom and some aircon, not a book. It all resulted in him spending more time clearing up messes than recommending books. By the time he got home each night, he was too exhausted to do much besides eat dinner and stare at the television for a few hours before falling asleep. 

Jamie couldn’t help but roll his eyes at himself, as he started to clean off the random used glasses and empty bubbly water cans from the sitting room table. He was being ungrateful. He mostly loved his job and was thankful he was able to spend his days among his first love - books. And in just another week or two, things would settle back down to their normal amount of busy, giving him a few months reprieve right before the holiday rush began. 

As he cleaned, Jamie’s mind drifted away from work and back to his encounter with his new neighbor in the laundry room. Claire was…hot. Fair, with wild brown curls, and stunning whisky colored eyes, and he couldn’t help but notice as she left the room, a quite shapely backside. And she smelled sweet, like roses and honey. His attraction was immediate, and then, when he heard her slightly posh, very English accent, he knew he was a goner. He couldn’t wait to run into her again. 

From her brief outburst, Jamie inferred that Claire was just coming off of a relationship, and it sounded like her ex was refusing to let her go. He couldn’t help but wonder what happened. He had seen a flash of pain in her eyes, and maybe some fear too, when she mentioned that he wouldn’t stop calling her. Jamie already felt a strong desire to protect her from any further harm, and could feel anger simmering in his gut at the very thought of someone hurting her. 

The only girlfriend Jamie had ever had was Annaliese, a French exchange student who he met during his second year of uni. They dated for six months and their relationship naturally fizzled out. Neither of them were looking for anything serious, and while they both enjoyed the other’s company, they ultimately decided they were better off as friends. Besides, Jamie had no desire to leave Scotland, especially if it meant moving to France, and Annaliese quickly realized that Scotland was not for her, so their long term prospects were limited at best. 

Scotland was home, and he planned for it to remain that way. His family’s ancestral roots were in the little village of Broch Mordha, nestled deep in the Highlands. Jamie grew up at the family estate, Lallybroch, helping to tend the still running farm in between getting into all sorts of adventures (and trouble) with his best friend, Ian Murray. Those were some of the happiest days of his life, and forged his love for Scotland forever. 

But all of that happiness was taken away from him when his mom and older brother died in a car crash when Jamie was just eight. Despite still having his dad and older sister, Jenny, the loss of Ellen and Willie left an open wound that Jamie had struggled since to heal. The family of three eventually found their way into a new routine, a new life, but it had forced Jamie to grow up faster than a young boy should have to, and it had a profound and lasting impact on him. Even now, it was hard for him to go home to Lallybroch, to be forced to remember all that was and all that was lost. 

His sister and Ian, who eventually got married, had taken over running the farm from Jamie’s dad just as Jamie started university. Part of him felt guilty for not wanting to be the one to take over running the family estate. In a different era, as the eldest surviving son of his family, it would have been his destiny to inherit the land and oversee its workings, but despite the deep connection he felt to the place, he had a restlessness and a desire to prove himself that could not be met by staying at Lallybroch. His guilt only increased when his dad died suddenly just weeks before Jamie graduated. What should have been one of the proudest moments of his life quickly turned into one of the worst. And despite his attempts to move home and help Jenny and Ian with the farm, they adamantly refused, knowing that it was not yet his time to return to Lallybroch. Years later, the grief still frequently sat heavy in his heart, wishing he could just have a little more time with his dad, wishing that he could forgive himself for not doing enough to take care of his family. 

Before long, lost in his own wandering thoughts, Jamie managed to make his apartment look infinitely more presentable than it had been when he walked in with his laundry. Now all that was left was for him to fold and put away his clothes, but that could wait until after he had a cup of tea. 

While he waited for the kettle to boil, he collapsed onto the couch, closing his eyes, images of his bonny Sassenach flooding back into his mind.

Chapter Text

Claire yawned as she dug her keys out of her purse to let herself into the main lobby of the apartment. For her, the mid-September day had started at the crack of dawn with an early morning shift at the hospital. She was not a morning person, and having to put on her happy, kind, Nurse Beauchamp face before the sun was even out was something she tried to avoid. But as the newest nurse in the pediatric unit, she often found herself stuck with the least desired shifts - either late at night or, like today, way too early. And after her shift, she hurried back to campus for two afternoon lectures, barely having enough time to change out of her scrubs and grab lunch. 

She knew working as a nurse while going to medical school was an insane life choice - her colleagues, her classmates, her friends, and Frank had all expressed that to her in various ways - but medicine was her calling, being a doctor her dream, and if that meant she had to spend a few years stretched thin to make it possible, she was willing to make that sacrifice. It was a passion she found difficult to explain to others, and even to herself on the harder days. 

But, besides the early wake up call, today hadn’t been one of those hard days, and she was happy to be home with enough time to eat dinner while watching TV before she had to study. She had spent her entire journey home thinking about what ridiculous reality television show she would indulge in for a half hour before hitting the books once again. 

Before heading up to her apartment, Claire stopped by the mailboxes, realizing it had been several days since she had checked her own. Just as she was sliding her key into her mailbox, she heard someone come into the small room behind her. Looking over her shoulder, she saw the tall, red-headed Scot that occasionally worked his way into her dreams since they met a few weeks ago. They hadn’t spoken since, but she had glimpsed him from a distance on a few occasions.

“Jamie, it’s good to see you again. Are you just getting home from work then?” she asked, pulling a quite large stack of mail out of her box. 

He gave her a warm smile before answering, “Thankfully, yes. It was one of those never ending, not very fun days, ye ken?”

Claire chuckled. “Do I ever. On Monday, two different kids threw up all over me when I was at the hospital, and that happened in between dealing with several very ornery parents. I thought the day would never end.”

Jamie chuckled. “Well, I hope your day was better today, lass, or at least with less vomit.” 

“Happy to report today was a vomit free day. What do you do? I didn’t get a chance to ask when we met.”

“I am a bookseller at Waterstones. Books are my passion, Sassenach, and I hope to one day have my own shop,” he said, a bit of bashfulness in his voice. 

“Sassenach, is it?” Claire asked, with amusement in her voice. “Quite the dubious moniker you have called me, is it not?”

Jamie looked momentarily flustered by her teasing, before responding, “I mean nae harm by it, lass, only admiration for ye being brave enough to deal with us Scots.” 

That made Claire smile, a sight he was quickly becoming obsessed with. 

Claire paused, looking almost shy before she spoke again. “Since you are a bookseller, maybe you can recommend a book for me to buy my friend Geillis for her birthday next week?”

“Aye, I would be happy to, lass.”

An awkward silence fell over them, neither of them quite sure how to proceed. 

“Well, um, maybe, if you would like, you could stop by my apartment in just a bit and you can help me figure out what some good options might be?” Claire suggested with a bit of hesitancy in her voice, unsure if it was too forward of a request of someone she had only ever met one other time. 

“That sounds like a bonny idea, Sassenach. Let me just go check on wee Adso and drop my backpack off and I will stop by,” Jamie replied, a smile lining his face, making his blue eyes sparkle even more brilliantly, Claire couldn’t help but notice. 

They both headed for the stairs and started climbing up the three flights to their floor. It was a relatively small apartment building, and they both lived on the top floor. And despite the old, historic facade of the building’s exterior - like seemingly every building in Edinburgh - the inside was modern, having been recently renovated. 

Jamie was a few steps behind Claire, and couldn’t help but observe her backside as they climbed the stairs in silence. Her hair was up in a messy bun with errant curls sticking askew in all directions. On her back was her own bulging backpack, most likely full of school textbooks that she had to lug from home to work to school most days, he supposed. Downstairs, he could see the tiredness in her eyes, which he would guess was her default state, given she was balancing being a nurse and a medical student all at once. He knew almost nothing about her, but for that alone, he admired her tenacity and obvious passion for healing others. 

When they reached their floor, they parted with “See you soons,” before each unlocked their own apartments, closing their doors behind them. 

—

Jamie dropped his backpack on the chair and set his keys on the table, both right beside the door. The moment the door fully closed, his cat came running into the room, no doubt ready to demand his supper as he rubbed himself against Jamie’s legs, purring loudly. 

Jamie bent over and picked up the gray, British shorthair, greeting him with a kiss on the head and a few cuddles. 

“Well, hello to you Adso. How was yer day? Did ye get to nap in all of yer favorite places?”

When he moved into the apartment three years ago, he found himself occasionally longing for home and feeling a bit alone in the city. His friend group from university had dispersed all over the city and even further afield, and suddenly it became much harder for them to spend time together regularly. One night, when he had been feeling particularly down, Jamie found himself on the humane society’s website, looking at cats. The moment he saw Adso’s listing (appallingly named “Steve” on their website), Jamie knew that he had to get the wee cheetie. Steve - whom he immediately renamed Adso - looked exactly like the cat his mother had had when he was a kid, down to the gray coat and brilliant green eyes. It only seemed fitting that he also bestowed the name of Adso onto the cat, as that was the name of his mother’s cat as well.

With Adso still snuggled in his arms, Jamie walked over to the kitchen and got Adso’s dinner ready. The cat excitedly jumped out of his arms as his food bowl was placed on the floor, eating happily. 

“Ye act like ye are a poor, staving cheetie, when, in fact, ye are quite well fed,” Jaime scoffed at the cat, though amusement laced his voice. 

Cat fed, Jamie went into the bathroom to quickly double check that he looked presentable. Happy with his general appearance, he walked back to the door, grabbed his keys, and headed to Claire’s apartment, a ball of nervous energy suddenly settling in his stomach. 

—

As her door closed behind her, Claire placed her exceedingly heavy backpack on the kitchen counter and started to pull out its contents. Part of her daily routine included always unpacking her backpack, as it contained not only her school materials, but also usually a change of clothes, assorted food containers, and all the supplies she needed to go from the hospital to school or vice versa. Claire Beauchamp was nothing if not prepared. 

The routine of emptying her backpack helped Claire transition back into her space, allowing her to take a few minutes to process the day before whatever evening plans she might have (mostly studying). But tonight, she had gone and invited Jamie Fraser to stop by. 

The invitation had left her mouth before she had thought it through. Her plan to have a quiet dinner while catching up on her favorite reality TV show would now be replaced by Jamie stopping by to share some book recommendations. She had no reason to fear her neighbor, who had only been kind and polite both times they interacted, but the idea of any man in her space, no matter how handsome and charming, made her wary. 

Claire closed her eyes and took a deep breath, cursing her ex-boyfriend for, even now, making her feel weak and afraid at the mere idea of inviting someone into her safe space. Once she felt steady, she looked around the apartment, grateful that she had taken some time to tidy the space the night before. Knowing Jamie would be along soon, she quickly ran to the bathroom to check that she looked presentable. She gave an exasperated sigh at her curls sticking hither and thither from her bun. Instead of trying to redo her bun into something more orderly, she yanked the elastic from her hair and shook her curls loose. 

Just as she was wondering if she needed to offer Jamie snacks, she heard a knock on her door. 

Claire pulled open the door, and the sight of Jamie on the other side, with a slight smile on his face, somehow both eased and escalated the nerves radiating through her body. 

“Hi Jamie,” she said, a bit shyly. “Come on in.”

Jamie found himself staring at her for a few moments longer than what was probably considered polite; completely overtaken by her beauty, before shaking himself out of his stupor and following her into her apartment. He had never seen her with her curls down like they were now, and he felt breathless at the sight of them. They were riotous and voluminous, and with them down, he could see more clearly how vibrant her brown color truly was. He could get lost in those curls for a very long time. 

As he entered her apartment, he looked around, taking in her home. The living room was tidy and sparsely decorated, with mostly barren walls and stacks of what he assumed were her school books in piles on her coffee table. She hadn’t been in the apartment that long, and between school and her job, he was unsurprised to see that decorating hadn’t been high on her list of priorities. But, even still, he could see touches of her - or what he assumed was her - throughout the space. A heaping bowl full of fruit on the kitchen table, a small and thriving herb garden near the window, a photo of what looked like a teenaged Claire standing in front of the pyramids in Egypt on her bookshelf, a vase of roses and ranunculus on the counter. Small but important details of who she was. 

Claire watched Jamie look around her apartment, suddenly feeling very exposed, despite the lack of personal touches she knew were missing from her home. Home was such a complicated concept for her - having never had a consistent one as she and Uncle Lamb traveled around the world in her youth, then living in short-term accommodations as a university student. And when she had moved in with Frank, she never was able to think of it as their place, only made more challenging by his scoffs of disdain whenever she tried to put her own touches on the space he had curated for himself. Now, with a home of her own, and no plans to leave Edinburgh in the near future, she felt overwhelmed with the idea of making her little house a little home.

“Tis a lovely space ye’ve got here, Sassenach,” Jamie commented. “Ye’ve got an even better view of Arthur’s Seat than I do.”

“It was the main reason I picked this place. Well, that, and the proximity to the university,” she smiled.

“And the roses,” Jamie motioned to the counter, “They are beautiful. Remind me of the rose bushes we had at Lallybroch, where I grew up.”

Claire had bought the pale pink roses and coral ranunculus over the weekend, needing to feel connected to her uncle. Wanting to be reminded that the most beautiful things are the most fragile and fleeting. The flowers reminded her that nothing was permanent, and that brought her a strange sort of comfort. 

“Oh, thank you. English roses were a favorite of my late uncle, and I like to keep some around to be reminded of him.”

For the second time that day, another long pause fell between them. 

“Can I, um, get you anything to drink?” 

“Weel, after the day I had, I wouldna say no to a wee bit of that whisky I see sitting on yer counter, if yer offering.”

Claire chuckled and went to the kitchen, grabbing two glasses and the bottle of whisky before she walked over to the couch, setting all of it on the coffee table.

“Come sit,” she offered as she poured out two glasses of whisky, “and let’s talk about books.”

 Jamie joined her on the couch, taking her proffered glass with a smile. 

“Now, ye dinna know me well yet, Sassenach, but it’s important to know that I take books very seriously, and making the right recommendations is something I pride myself on. So it may feel a bit like I’m interrogating you, but I’ll need you to trust the process and no’ make fun of me for it.”

There was a mock seriousness in Jamie’s voice as he said this, but Claire could also sense an earnestness underneath it, and maybe just a touch of nervousness as well. The thought that he might be nervous beneath his confident veneer helped ease her own palpitating heart, and before she knew what she was doing, she gave him a gentle pat on his leg, hoping to offer him a small bit of reassurance. 

“I promise. No teasing,” she assured, all while trying to ignore the jolt of electricity that had shot through her when she touched his leg. “Now, where do we start? Do you need my national insurance number? My birth certificate?” she asked, unable to tease him just a little. 

Jamie huffed and rolled his eyes, but also couldn’t hold in the laugh that escaped him at her good-natured teasing. He could still feel the spot on his leg where she had patted him, burning with electricity and warmth, and her jesting helped distract him from dwelling for too long on how much he wished she would touch him again. 

“Let’s start with ye telling me about yer friend, Geillis, was it?”

“Yes, Geillis, or Geillie, as I usually call her. Um, let’s see. She is a nurse, like I am. We met in nursing school in London, during our pathopharmacology course. We both shared an interest in herbal medicine, and she would spend lectures challenging our professors about the benefits of homeopathy and other forms of healing. Class was never dull with her, even if her methods were more…brash than my own.”

Jamie chortled at that. Despite not knowing much about Claire, he sensed that she was more assertive than maybe she was willing to admit. 

“Once we finished school, we both worked as nurses in London for two years before Geillie decided it was time for her to move back home to Scotland. She loves it here so much, and is the most passionate, pro-Scotland person I have ever met.”

At that comment Jamie raised his eyebrow, perhaps a little bit affronted that Claire had not already picked up on his own deep, unabiding love for this place and its culture. He hoped he would have a chance to show her why he loved it here so much. 

“When I, uh, needed to move this summer, she convinced me to come join her here. She even helped get me my job at the hospital, where she works too.”

“Geillis sounds like quite the good friend,” Jamie commented. “Now, ye said this book is for her birthday?” 

“Yes, in just a few weeks. I have another gift for her too, but she loves books, and I haven’t had the time to research some good options.”

“Weel, that’s why ye have me, Sassenach. Now let me ask you a few more questions to help make sure my recommendations are sound.”

Jamie asked her several more questions about Geillis; her interests, her favorite things, and even a few silly questions, like “If Geillis were a tree, what kind of tree would she be?”

Claire was having so much fun talking with Jamie, that she nearly forgot that it was all so he could make a book recommendation for her friend, so she was momentarily surprised when he asked for a pen and paper to write down his picks. She handed him one of the notebooks sitting on her coffee table next to her textbooks, and he quickly jotted out a list. His handwriting was neat, with small, squared letters, and Claire couldn’t help but think it looked delightfully contradictory to his physical stature. 

“Now, I feel very confident about the first three on this list, given all ye have told me about Geillis. The last two are ones I think would be good, but mebbe ye should take some extra time to research, just to be sure. Oh, and I also included a few recommendations for you as well.”

“For me? I think you might know more about Geillis than you do about me at this point,” Claire said with a hint of sadness in her voice. 

“Och, lass, I learned so much about ye just from the way you talked about your friend with such love and admiration. Tis easy to make recommendations when ye can see someone’s heart like that,” Jamie said softly, not quite making eye contact with her as color flooded his cheeks. 

Claire looked at him, flustered by his comment, unsure of how to respond. Just as she was about to say…who knows what, her phone began to ring, pulling them both out of the moment. 

She went to grab her phone off of the kitchen counter, not recognizing the number, which probably meant it was Frank, once again trying to catch her unawares. She sighed in frustration as she silenced her phone before setting it back down.

“Everything alright, lass?” Jamie asked tentatively, seeing the sudden tension in her shoulders and a mix of exhaustion and anger on her face.

“It’s nothing. Just my ex, refusing to accept that I no longer want anything to do with him. He keeps calling me from different numbers, making it impossible to block him, the arsehole,” she vented, exasperation in her voice.

“That doesna sound like nothing, Sassenach. It sounds like he is harassing you,” Jamie said gently. “How long has this been going on?”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry about it Jamie. Thanks for stopping by. The recommendations are appreciated,” Claire’s tone suddenly formal and brusque. “I’ve got a lot of studying to do this evening, so I better get started.” She turned to walk to the door, opening it so he could leave. 

Despite his concern, Jamie decided it was better not to push. He didn’t know Claire that well, and her personal life was none of his business. Even if he maybe wanted to meet this ex-boyfriend of hers and tell him in no uncertain terms to leave her alone. Instead, he gave her a small smile and headed for the door.

“Thanks for letting me give ye some recommendations, lass. Let me know which ye pick and how Geillis likes it,” he said. 

“I will. Thanks Jamie.”

“Have a good night, Sassenach, and happy studying.”

After Jamie turned to walk down the hall back to his own apartment, Claire closed the door, resting her forehead on it, taking a few deep breaths. She hadn’t meant to be that terse with Jamie, and hoped he didn’t think her rude for essentially kicking him out. Talking with him had been so effortless, so fun, and she had ruined it. She panicked when Jamie inferred that Frank was harassing her. Not because he was wrong, but because he had so clearly voiced what she had not yet been able to. Moving away was supposed to free her of the vile man Frank had revealed himself to be. And yet, even with hundreds of kilometers between them, his ability to instantly shut her down emotionally remained strong. 

Claire knew she needed to give herself more time and show herself more compassion. Moving away and extracting herself from that relationship was the bravest and scariest thing she had ever done, but it was hard for her to not feel utterly defeated every time Frank managed to break through her armor. Coming to Scotland created enough physical distance between them, but she knew her healing would require more than that. The years of subtle but persistent emotional abuse and manipulation, and her own shame in letting it happen, would never be fully healed until she gave herself the time and permission to do so. 

Claire took several deep, steadying breaths, putting it all aside, before walking back over to the couch, where she grabbed her most recent set of notes, and began to review them.

—

When the door closed behind him, Jamie exhaled the breath he didn’t realize he was holding before he walked over to his couch and unceremoniously flopped down, his time with Claire replaying on a loop in his head. Her laughter had been warm and infectious, and it made him flushed with joy that the conversation had flowed so easily between them. Until it hadn’t, thanks to him. The moment Claire’s phone started ringing, a noticeable tension lined her face, which moments before had been bright and smiling as they talked. He crossed the line in suggesting her ex-boyfriend was harassing her; they barely knew one another after all. A fierce protectiveness erupted in him from the look on her face, and the mix of fear and exhaustion in her eyes, at the mere mention of her ex; and instead of offering her his empathy, he asked her an intrusive question. He was a dolt. 

Adso wandered into the room and jumped up onto Jamie’s chest, curling himself into a ball, purring contentedly. Jamie gently stroked the cat’s head, lost in thoughts of Claire and when he might see her again so he could apologize.

Chapter Text

September passed in a blur for Jamie. The bookstore was busier than ever, thanks to both the normal back-to-school chaos as well as a series of high-profile author events throughout the month. He was proud of his team for all of their hard work, and dead-on-his-feet exhausted come the first of October. 

Because he worked late the night before for one such author event, Jamie had a later-than-normal start for a Thursday. He took some extra time to workout and to make himself a hearty breakfast, and had even been able to video chat with Jenny and the weans before they took Young Jamie to school and Maggie to daycare. They were growing so fast, with wee Jamie already five years old and Maggie nearly three. Jamie felt guilty for not being closer by so he could watch them grow up. Instead, their occasional calls and his not frequent enough visits left him regularly astounded at how much they had grown since the last time he had seen them. 

Today was no different, especially when wee Jamie excitedly read his uncle a whole book all by himself, only missing two words. And Maggie was chatting up a storm, full of all sorts of strong opinions about which animals on the farm were the cutest (the horses, to Jamie’s dismay, were deemed “not cute,” while the sheep were the “most cutest in the world!”).

After talking with the bairns, he and Jenny had a chance to catch up as well. She filled him in on how the farm was doing and the most recent Broch Mordha gossip, while also interrogating him on his work and love life, neither of which were progressing to her satisfaction. 

Jamie took it all in stride, knowing that Jenny, despite her sharp tongue and stubborn spirit, truly wanted what was best for him. He just wished he could make heads or tails of what actually was best for him. Coming to Edinburgh for university had been part a chance to pursue his dreams of opening a bookshop; connecting people to the books and stories that could expand their own worlds. But it was also him running away. Escaping the place that was suffocating him with grief. Their mam and brother, Willie, died in a horrific car crash when Jamie was just ten. Their absence weighed heavy over their da, as well as Jamie and Jenny. While Jenny channeled her grief into taking care of them, and his da ran himself ragged working on the farm, Jamie struggled to find an outlet for his grief. Books allowed him a chance to escape, letting him imagine different worlds and different lives than the nightmare he was living. But he remained restless, craving space and distance from it all. So he fled the second he could, without thinking how hard it would be to be separated from his da and Jenny.

Jamie enjoyed his uni experience, finding his own group of friends to rely on, and reveling in getting to spend his days thinking about, talking about, and reading books. But when his da died from a stroke, just two weeks before his graduation, Jamie was destroyed with grief, barely able to get himself out of bed most days. He missed his graduation ceremony. He avoided his friends and Jenny. He let his guilt consume him. He should have stayed at Lallybroch and worked on the farm instead of letting his da work himself to death. He should have been less selfish. He had a duty to his family, and he failed. 

It wasn’t until one day nearly a month after the funeral and a month of refusing to answer Jenny’s phone calls, that she stormed into his apartment in Edinburgh to give him a piece of her mind. She reminded him he still had a duty to his remaining family (Jenny, Ian, and wee Jamie at that point) and that both of their parents would be ashamed of him for squirreling himself away, wasting the opportunity presented to him by being in Edinburgh and having a university degree. 

Slowly, Jamie found a way forward, with the help of Jenny and Ian, his friends, and his exceptional therapist. But nearly four years later, he was still struggling with the choice to stay in Edinburgh versus being closer to his family. He loved them fiercely and wanted to make them proud, but at what cost? 

Jamie sighed as these thoughts rattled around his head, knowing there was no easy answer. Besides his job, there was nothing keeping him in Edinburgh. Once he saved enough money, he would be able to open his bookshop wherever he wanted. But that was still years away, and there were other jobs that were better paying and would let him save more, faster. He was still thinking about it as he was leaving his apartment for work, no clear answers coming to him. He found himself glancing down the hallway towards Claire’s door, passively wondering if she liked Edinburgh enough to stay once she finished school. 

—

Thursdays were usually Claire’s most chaotic days of the week. She would work an early shift at the hospital before barely having time to shove a granola bar in her mouth while running to get to her back-to-back classes. So when she left her apartment early Thursday morning, she did so with the expectation that by the time she got home that night, all she would have energy for would be to collapse into bed. But from the moment she got to the hospital, there was nothing normal about this Thursday. The usually bustling pediatric unit was quiet, and after checking in on the two patients assigned to her, both of whom were being discharged that morning, Claire found herself with enough free time to study for tomorrow’s quiz in her OB-GYN rotation. 

The morning passed quickly, despite the lack of patients, and Claire was surprised to see Geillis walking in for her shift, two coffees and a pastry bag in hand. 

“You are an angel,” Claire said in greeting, as Geillis placed the large coffee and a pan au chocolat in front of her, the aroma of the coffee immediately giving her a jolt of energy.

“Weel, someone has to make sure ye dinna starve,” Geillis’s familiar Scottish lilt replied. 

Claire took a quick sip of the coffee, happy to find that Geillis had added just the right amount of cream and sugar, before starting to pack up her notes. Geillis always tried to arrive early on Thursdays to give Claire a few extra minutes to transition between the hospital and school, something for which Claire was deeply grateful.

“Now, let me remind ye that when we go out for my birthday on Saturday night, I willna have ye bringing yer textbooks with to sneak in some studying when I’m not looking,” Geillis teased. Claire rolled her eyes and laughed. “I promise. Are you still thinking 8pm?”

“Aye. I made a reservation at the new club just down the road from my place. We will have a whole section to ourselves.”

Geillis loved a good party, and her birthday would be no exception. Last she mentioned, at least thirty people had been invited, and no doubt even more had been added to the list. Claire had met a few of her friends in passing, but this would be her first big social event since moving to Edinburgh almost two months ago. She desperately needed a night out, away from her never ending studying, even if it would be overwhelming to be with so many unfamiliar faces. 

“I’ll be there, gift in hand, assuming I have time to buy it before then.”

“Oooh, what are ye getting me?” Geillis prodded. 

Claire scoffed. “Nice try. You will just have to wait and see. It’s nothing grand, but my neighbor helped me figure out a part of it.”

“Yer neighbor? Ye haven’t mentioned a neighbor before.”

“I’ve only met him twice, but when I ran into him a few days ago at the mailboxes, he mentioned his job, and I asked if he could help make a suggestion or two for your gift.”

“He? Tell me more about this “he.” Is he handsome? Is he our age?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Claire asked, shoving her notes into her backpack before pulling on her coat. 

“Weel ye certainly aren’t meeting anyone here at the hospital, and it dosena sound like there are any good options in yer med school cohort, so maybe this guy could be a good option for ye,” Geillis replied, a small smirk on her face.

“An option for what?” Claire asked, already knowing what Geillis’s answer would be. 

“Claire, ye have been here for two months already and we both know that asshole wasn’t seeing to yer needs long before that, and maybe I just want my best friend to have a little fun once and a while, in between all of the studying and working.” 

“I can have plenty of fun all on my own, Geillis. Besides, I don’t think I am ready to be in another relationship.”

“Who said anything about a relationship? I am just suggesting a little rebound fling. Someone to help relieve all of yer school and work stress.” 

“Well, I appreciate the concern, but I am doing just fine. Now I need to go or I am going to be late for class.”

“Go fill that big, beautiful brain of yers. But ye never answered my questions about this neighbor and I will be following up with ye about him later.”

Claire laughed at that, knowing Geillis would most definitely keep asking until she told her all about Jamie. After saying goodbye and clocking out for the day, Claire hurried through the maze of the hospital, ignoring the text notifications coming through on her phone so she could make it to campus on time for class. She pushed through the door to her classroom, feeling triumphant that she was not only on time but three minutes early, only to be greeted by a dark, empty room; none of her classmates or the professor in sight.

Claire gave a big sigh and sank down into the nearest open seat, pulling her phone out of her pocket. Turns out those missed texts were letting her know that her professor had a last minute emergency with a patient and class was canceled for the day. Joe, her classmate and the one friend she had made on her own so far in Edinburgh, also had texted her to see if she was going to spend her now free two hours in the library. Claire took a moment to think through what all she needed to do, knowing this suddenly free time could be used to get a few tasks off of her to-do list. She had plenty of time to study this morning at the hospital, and decided that she would take advantage of the open time to do a bit of shopping, and maybe even treat herself to an ice cream. 

After she texted Joe her plan, she knew that the first thing on her list was to get the books Jamie recommended for Geillis. She quickly searched for the nearest bookstore on her phone, having no clue where there might be one nearby. She might have been in Edinburgh for almost two months, but she mostly just went between her apartment and the hospital or school, hardly having time to explore further afield than whatever was between those destinations. 

To her delight, she saw that there was a Waterstones that was just a ten minute walk away, so she grabbed her backpack and headed out into the gray, overcast streets of Edinburgh. The weather lately made it clear that autumn was on its way. The days were getting colder, and it seemed like it was raining even more, which was impressive given that it already rained almost all of the time. Claire didn’t mind though, especially today, when the crisp air filled her senses with a sense of energy and possibility. There was something quite thrilling about getting to do something different from her normal routine, and she couldn't help but smile as she followed the directions to the bookstore, grateful to be in this city and away from her previous life. 

As she walked into the Waterstones, Claire felt the familiar sense of joy and contentment that washed over her everytime she entered a bookstore. Libraries gave her the same feeling. There was just something so magical about a place filled with stories and ideas, a new world to escape into at her fingertips. She spent a few minutes browsing the neatly curated display tables, wishing she had more time to read anything besides her school textbooks. Knowing she did not have unlimited time, she pulled out the list of books Jamie recommended, and looked around for an employee who could help her find them. 

That’s when she saw him. Jamie was walking through the store with a child who looked to be maybe ten or eleven, talking animatedly with the boy as he navigated them to a table full of picture books. Jamie looked very handsome, wearing a brown knit sweater over a checkered button down shirt, with rust colored chinos and brown, laced leather boots on his feet. Claire watched him show the kid a few different books, and she found herself unable to look away. He was so engaged with the young boy, answering his questions and helping him decide which book to select. After assessing the different options Jamie had presented him, the boy made his selection, and Jamie gave him an excited high five before pointing him back towards his mother, who Claire only just noticed was also watching the interaction from a nearby display table.

They were close enough that Claire could excitedly hear the boy telling his mother about the book he had picked out, not for him, but for his younger sister. She looked back to where Jamie had been, only to find him looking at her, a smile on his face. Claire felt her heart race and a small blush suffuse through her cheeks as their eyes met. She smiled back at him.

“Sassenach, what a pleasant surprise to see ye here,” Jamie said in greeting, as he walked over towards her. 

“Jamie, I had no idea that this was the bookstore where you worked. I know that you said you worked at Waterstones, but I never asked which one. I suddenly had some free time this afternoon, and this was the closest bookstore to campus. I wanted to get the books you recommended for Geillis and this is a good time to do that,” she replied, on the verge of incoherent rambling from the sudden rush of adrenaline his presence caused her.

“Weel as I already said, it is a pleasant surprise to see ye. And, as it is my store, it is my duty to ask ye if I can be of service to ye. Do ye need help locating those books?” He asked, a hopeful look on his face. 

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Claire said.

Jamie smiled again and motioned for Claire to follow him to a different section of the store. 

“Don’t you need to look at the list?” Claire asked as they made their way to an almost hidden corner of the store. 

“Ooch, no. I remember exactly what I wrote on the list for ye,” he answered, already pulling two different books off of the shelf in front of him. 

Claire looked around and saw that they were in the section labeled “Scottish History,” and the shelf that Jamie had just taken the books from was titled “Scottish Paganism.” She just realized she only had glanced at the titles Jamie recommended, not giving them much thought, but now she was intrigued. Both Scottish history and paganism were certainly topics that interested Geillis, but she didn’t remember telling him directly that Geillis was interested in either. 

Jamie handed her two books; one that looked to be about the role of women in the Jacobite Rebellion of 1745 and the other titled S cottish Paganism and the Roots of the Feminist Movement , a book that Geillis would no doubt devour and make Claire read as well. 

“Jamie, these look…perfect,” Claire breathed, “Did I even mention that Geillis was interested in paganism or Scottish history?”

“Not in sae many words, but ye did mention how passionate she was about Scotland, and ye told me Geillis has a tattoo of the midsomer goddess Litha. So based on those wee facts and other things ye shared about her, I got the sense that these two books would be good choices for her. Ye can tell her they come personally recommended from a friend and bookseller,” he added. 

“You mean, you have read them?” Claire asked. The idea of him reading books about feminism and the contributions of women to major historical events sent a small thrill through her. 

“Of course I’ve read them, Sassenach. I try to only make recommendations of things I have read or that have been recommended by people I trust. And, these ones, well, it sounds like yer friend Geillis and I are kindred spirits when it comes to Scotland…and indomitable women,” he said, his cheeks reddening ever so slightly.

Claire bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling at his sudden embarrassment. Instead she just nodded and looked around at the nearest display table, which was labeled “Voices of Scotland.” The display held all sorts of books - poetry, current events, literary fiction, children’s books, and more.

“Curated that display myself just yesterday,” Jamie said when he noticed her skimming over the different books on display. “I’m always trying to find ways to make sure we are showing off the best writers in Scotland, especially ones that arena stodgy, old white men. Tis my dream to eventually own my own wee bookstore that focuses mostly on selling books by Scottish authors.” 

“That is such a lovely dream, Jamie. You can count on me as a future customer, especially if Geillis likes these recommendations,” Claire said as she picked up a book called Tangled Up in Tartan , based solely on liking the cover.

“Och, that’s a good one, assuming ye like a good romance book,” Jamie said. “I read it in one sitting just a few weeks ago myself. The author is a sharp-witted lass who grew up in council housing in Glasgow and this is her very first novel.”

Claire couldn’t help but marvel at this romance novel reading, kind-hearted, passionately Scottish neighbor of hers. Frank had revered the stodgy, old white men that Jamie chided. Whenever he had the chance, Frank would subtly deride the work of women writers, especially the scholars in his field. He was often belittling of their perspectives or dismissive of their contributions in ways that Claire found increasingly hard to refrain from defending, despite not even reading their work. She once again felt ashamed for not removing herself from Frank’s toxic thinking sooner. Why had she been so willing to put up with his misogyny for so long? It was a question she asked herself over and over again, never coming to a satisfying answer. But it was in the past now, she tried to remind herself, and Jamie was proof that not all men are completely terrible. At least based on the few interactions she had with him so far. 

“Well, based on your recommendation alone, I guess I am going to have to get it. When I will ever have time to read for fun, however, remains a complete mystery,” Claire sighed, pulling out her phone to check the time. 

“Oh crap, it’s later than I realized. I need to head back to campus for my medical ethics seminar.”

“Let’s go get ye checked out then, lass,” Jamie said, turning to walk toward the nearest checkout. 

Once he was ready to scan her books, he reached out to take them from her hands, his fingers gently grazing the back of her hand and the tops of her own fingers. Claire felt a current of electricity move through her at his touch; warm and invigorating. Her eyes quickly darted to Jamie’s face to see if he had a similar reaction, but his face remained inscrutable as he scanned her books and told her the total. 

Claire eyed him suspiciously. Three books certainly cost more than the £23 he just quoted her. 

“Are you sure those rang up correctly? I would have guessed three books would cost more than £23.”

“Ye arena wrong, Sassenach. The original total was £46 but I have a very generous employee discount that I dinna mind sharing with family and friends,” he answered, handing her the bag now containing her books.

“Friends, are we?” Claire asked, a smirk on her face. 

“If not already, I would hope ye would be willing to let me continue to prove to ye that I am someone worthy of yer trust and friendship, Sassenach,” Jamie replied earnestly, making eye contact with her. 

How were his eyes so damn blue? Claire found herself thinking. The shade was nearly indescribable, and mesmerizing in how clear and bright they shined. Every time they made eye contact, she could feel her breathing quicken and a sensation of drowning (in the best way) overcome her. He was just so effing handsome and despite having sworn off men for now, Claire couldn’t help but feel just the slightest bit smitten for her neighbor. 

“I’m not the easiest person to be friends with, Jamie. What with my out of control schedule and all of my free time taken up by studying or sleeping. But if you are good with having a friend who is in a constant state of slight chaos, then I am happy to be that friend,” Claire said.

“Lass, ye mebbe feel like things are chaotic, but from where I am standing ye are a true wonder, balancing work and school and also being a good friend who doesna forget to buy birthday gifts. And ye tolerated my meddlesome behavior the other night, when I was pryin’ into things that arena my business. I’m sorry for that, Claire.” Jamie looked directly at her, sincerity in his voice and remorse etched into his face.

Claire gave him a small smile, not entirely sure what to say. She felt embarrassed by how she had so quickly shut down his line of inquiry that night. She had felt vulnerable and exposed, and despite not knowing him all that well, she sensed she could trust him. But she did not trust herself with her own vulnerability, and she had learned over the years that it was much easier to compartmentalize her fear and panic. So she shut Jamie down without a second thought, not even stopping to consider that he might want to know or even be able to hold her complexities with safety and care. 

“Thank you, Jamie. I’m m sorry I was so brusque. I was taken off guard and didn’t respond well.”

“I hope ye know, if ye ever need anything, I am here for ye, Sassenach.” There was a fervency in his tone and a compassion in his eyes that left her feeling just a bit rattled but also deeply comforted. 

“Now ye best be on yer way before ye are late to class.”

Claire blushed at his words, just nodding, before turning to walk to the exit. Jamie followed behind her, apparently walking her out.

“Now ye will have to let me know how Geillis likes these books. And I canna wait to hear what you think of Tangled Up in Tartan ,” Jamie said, as he pulled open the door for her. 

“I will. Thanks for all of your help, Jamie. I am so glad I ran into you…well we have actually only ever run into each other. In the laundry room, at the mailboxes, and now here. Maybe sometime we should try to see each other on purpose,” Claire replied, smiling at Jamie. 

“I would love that. See ye around, Sassenach. On purpose,” Jamie said, giving her what seemed to be a wink but looked more like an owl blinking very slowly. 

Claire turned to walk back down the high street towards campus, feeling an odd mixture of giddiness and contentment settling into her.

—

Jamie’s eyes lingered on Claire’s retreating form as she walked away from the store, books in hand and an overstuffed backpack slung across her shoulders. Only as she turned the corner to head back to campus did he realize that his heart was racing and an odd mixture of elation and unease was coursing through him. Her presence in his store had taken him by surprise, a very good one, but all the same stressful. There was something different about seeing her out in the “wild” and not just in the mutually familiar confines of their apartment building. Every interaction he had with her had left him feeling flustered, and so far from his normal calm, confident demeanor. 

As Jamie walked back into the store, he took a few deep, calming breaths as he tried to refocus himself on whatever he was supposed to be doing. Before Claire had magically appeared, he had been halfway through his shift. One of his booksellers had called out sick today, meaning he was spending more time on the floor trying to help tend to the steady flow of customers instead of getting the ordering done or finishing the final plan for the author event they were hosting tomorrow night. He liked getting to help customers, especially a particular bonny Sassenach, sharing his enthusiasm for books, but today it meant that he would most likely have to stay late to get everything done. And now he would also have thoughts of Claire, her bouncy curls and liquid gold eyes, fresh in his mind to distract him further. Yes, it would be a long night. And not just because of work.

Chapter Text

After their run in at the bookstore, Jamie did not see Claire again except for one hurried exchange a few days ago as she was headed out to the library when he was just getting home from work. She had been frazzled, quickly explaining it had been chaos during her nursing shift, causing her to be late for her current rotation, earning her the ire of some snotty doctor named Comte that seemed to despise Claire’s superior medical knowledge and look down on her for being a nurse. Jamie was maybe slightly extrapolating what Claire had shared, though she did roll her eyes several times as she shared about the wee little shite. 

Today was a rare midweek day off for Jamie. He worked three consecutive late night author events on top of his regular hours, earning him a much needed day to take care of all of the personal tasks that he ignored while working long hours. His apartment was now clean, his refrigerator stocked, and Adso got all of the snuggles that he had so maliciously been denied while Jamie was working extra long hours. And Jamie had even finished everything to still have time to go for a run in the daylight, so he laced up his well-worn sneakers and headed out seek some peace and relaxation in nature.

—

Often after he went for a run, Jamie found himself wandering into the small garden area behind the apartment building as he let his body cool down. It was nothing overly special, but there were a handful of trees and a few beds of flowers, which at this point in the autumn, were mostly half-dead but still somehow beautiful in their dying. The space was peaceful and quiet, and when he found himself missing home, he would find himself drifting to this small plot of nature just outside of his door. There were also a few benches and even a table where he would occasionally see other tenants enjoying their lunch or watching as their children ran around the small garden paths.

As he entered the garden, feeling accomplished from a long run, he found the table scattered with textbooks and empty packets of crisps, Claire muttering to herself as she highlighted something in one of the books before jotting down a few notes in the notebook just to her right. 

It was late afternoon and it was a rare beautiful, sunny, crisp autumn day - a needed change of pace from the week’s long rain and gloom. Claire looked harried as she sat with her books; hair in a delightfully askew bun with curls shooting out in all sorts of different directions. The last rays of sunshine were grazing the top of head, making her curls appear lush and luminescent. He was overwhelmed with the urge to run his fingers through those strands, to revel in their softness. Her legging-clad legs were tucked under her, and an oversized jumper protected her against the slight chill in the wind as the sun began to set. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of her, so deeply invested in her studies, so unaware of anything else happening around her. 

As much as he longed to say hello or  to just sit and watch her as she poured over her notes, he didn't want to interrupt her, seeing how focused she was and knowing how committed she was to passing this next rotation exam. When he saw her a few days ago, she mentioned it being a particularly difficult rotation, partly because the supervising doctor seemed to hate her but also because it was her first one as a student in Edinburgh instead of London. All of her other classmates already knew the different supervising doctors, or at least the gossip about them, and, more importantly, they had already spent a lot of time with local Scottish patients, learning the unique health and medical needs of the community. She was desperate to catch up to ensure that she was providing the best possible care to the patients she worked with. He didn’t remember much else from that conversation, except for the way her smile made his heart race and how her passion for healing others left him wondering if she was that passionate about everything she loved. 

He hadn’t caught even a glimpse of her since that conversation, her hours at the hospital long and any free time spent at the library trying to connect her learning. So, seeing her here in the garden was a surprise, though a welcome one, if only to confirm that she was alive. 

Deciding to let her continue studying in peace, Jamie turned to go back to his apartment, in desperate need of a snack and a shower after his run. But instead of leaving as quietly as he arrived, he tripped over an exposed tree root, catching himself on his hands and knees just before his face would have slammed into the hard earth. 

Any hope that Claire maybe hadn’t noticed his oafish self now sprawled on the ground, knee bleeding, was dashed at her shout of concern.

“Jamie! What on earth!? Are you okay?” She scrambled over to him, abandoning her textbooks to come help him up. 

“Ah, tis okay, Sassenach, my feet betrayed me is all,” he assured her, as she helped pull him to his feet. Her eyes scanned him from head to toe, making him blush at her close inspection, especially as her eyes reached his middle and went lower. Despite feeling flustered from the fall, he could feel his body beginning to react to her nearness, her intense gaze, and he was suddenly worried that his athletic shorts would be the next thing to betray him.

“Your knee is scraped and bleeding, come sit and let me have a look at it.” She grabbed his hand, pulling him back to her study table, forcing him to sit while she dropped to her own knees to better assess the situation.

“Looks like it is just a good scrape, and you won’t need stitches. Let me go get my first aid kit and I will help get you all patched up.” 

Before he even had a chance to say anything else, she swiped her apartment keys off the table and hurried out of the garden.

As he waited for her return, Jamie tried to take some deep, calming breaths, attempting to will his heart to stop hammering in chest. Between her intense stare and the firm hold she had on his hand, Claire had, in mere moments, set his body ablaze with both a careening want and a deep sense of comfort. From the moment they met, he had felt a sense of ease with her that was both impossible to put into words and left him feeling increasingly disconcerted. How could someone he only recently met and barely knew leave him feeling so vulnerable and also like he had found a forever he didn’t know even existed? 

Before he could continue spiraling down that rabbit hole, Claire came back, first aid kit in hand.

“Stretch out your leg for me,” she said with a gentle authority— a doctor’s authority - as she pulled on a pair of latex gloves. 

He did as ordered, giving her better access to his still bleeding knee. 

“This will sting a bit,” she warned, swiping at his knee with antiseptic. Jamie tensed at the momentary sensation, but it quickly faded and Claire had already moved on to applying some antibacterial cream to the scrape. 

“Ye have quite the good touch, Sassenach,” he couldn’t help but say as she gently placed a piece of gauze on his knee before securing a plaster over the top. He noticed that her cheeks flushed slightly pink at his compliment. 

“Thank you. Now you are all set, or do I also need to kiss it to help make it better?” 

Jamie could feel the heat suffusing through his entire body, and let out what he hoped was a hearty chuckle at her jest. 

“Appreciate the offer, Sassenach, but the bandage should do just fine. I’m grateful you were out here to patch me up. Why are you not in the library this afternoon?”

Sighing, Claire took a seat next to him on the table’s bench, taking off the gloves and squeezing a generous amount of hand sanitizer onto her palm. 

“I only had work this morning and no classes, leaving me free to enjoy the afternoon. As much as I enjoy the library, I was in the mood to be at home, since I so rarely am.”

“And then here I come, intruding on your quiet time.”

“You certainly startled me, but I don’t mind the impromptu study break. I was studying in my apartment earlier, but came out here because I was feeling a bit restless, and gardens never fail to put me at ease.”

“Aye, for me they are a reminder of home.”

“And where is that?”

“Och, just a bit north of here. A little village called Broch Mordha. Tis mostly open space and nature. Reminds me to slow down and appreciate what I still have.”

A look of sadness and recognition flickered across her face at his words, though she didn’t voice why. Of course she didn’t. He was mostly a stranger to her. A mere neighborly acquaintance who she could rely upon for small kindnesses but not one she would share her burdens with. But that didn’t stop him from noticing every emotion that crossed her beautiful face, nor did it quell his desire to know her. To know her heart and all that came with it. 

“That sounds beautiful, Jamie. Do you get to go and visit often?”

“Ach, not as much as my sister would like, but with my job, tis hard to find time to get away. I’ll go back for Christmas and Hogmanay.”

“You’re lucky you have a place to go home to,” she said, not sadly, but maybe with a hint of envy and longing in her voice. 

A comfortable silence fell between them, neither rushing back to their afternoon to-do lists, instead just enjoying the other’s quiet, steady presence beside them for a few moments. Sitting this close, Jamie could smell the sweet scent of her shampoo - coconut maybe - and a hint of something warm, like cinnamon, suffusing his senses. How he wished he could sit here next to her the rest of the day, just watching her as she worked, appreciating the way she so fully committed herself to her studies. But instead he resigned himself to not disturbing her any further. 

“Weel, Sassenach, I should let ye get back to yer studies.” 

She sighed and then chuckled. “I guess so, though it was quite nice to have a momentary distraction.”

“Just let me know the next time ye are studying at home and I can see how else I can injure myself so ye can take a break.”

That made her laugh fully, a sound that sent his head spinning with joy. “No need to cause yourself bodily harm on my behalf.”

“But how else will I get to see ye if it is not for yer doctoring skills?”

“Well, you could just invite me over for a meal, though given the clumsiness I just witnessed, I am not sure I trust you in a kitchen with knives.” 

Jamie snorted. “Fair enough, Sassenach. I am not much of a cook, but I am highly proficient at ordering takeaway. Would ye be interested in joining me some evening?”

“I would love to, though we might have to wait until after this rotation is over, unless you would prefer to watch me sleep through most of dinner.” 

Jamie could think of far worse scenarios than watching Claire sleep on his couch.

“I’m sure you look quite bonny while ye sleep, Sassenach, but I do like talking with ye, so I suppose we should wait til yer feeling up to it.”

“This rotation ends in two weeks and then I have a little break before the next one, so we can do it then. Here, give me your number and I can text you.”

Jamie was grateful he was good at masking his emotions, because he did not want to scare Claire away at the giddiness he felt while adding his number to her phone, knowing they could talk more regularly through text. 

“There ye are, Sassenach. Now back to yer studies with you.”

Claire groaned but got up to move back to her study spot. 

“Thanks for the distraction, Jamie. And be sure to keep that knee cleaned and bandaged. Doctor's orders.”

“I will not let ye down, doc. See ye later, Sassenach,” Jamie said as he got up, ready to head back to his apartment.

“Oh, Jamie, wait! I never got to tell you that Geillis absolutely loved the books I gave her for her birthday. Thank you so much for the recommendations.”

“Ah, just doing my job, Sassenach. I am glad to hear that they went over well. Now, have ye got a chance to read Tangled Up in Tartan ?” he asked. 

Claire’s cheeks flushed at the questions. “Um, yes. I enjoyed it quite a bit. It was a nice distraction from all of my textbooks. I even stayed up late one night because I couldn’t put it down,” she told him, avoiding making eye contact with him. 

Jamie tried not to smirk. Even for a romance novel, the book was quite the spicy tale, and knowing that Claire liked it enough to blush made him feel…things. Things that he didn’t want to spend too much time thinking about in her presence, but he was now suddenly eager to go home and reread his own favorite parts of the book while wondering which parts she enjoyed most. 

“Mebbe when we have that dinner, we can talk more about it. Our own little book club. Now let me get out of yer hair so ye can get back to making sure ye can heal whatever my next injury is.”

Claire watched his retreating figure, finding herself appreciating his backside as he went. He was an enigma to her. Or maybe it was that she was an enigma to herself. He was kind, witty, and undeniably attractive. His very nearness while she tended to his wound, while they sat on the bench together, left her heart racing and her body flushed. She felt safe with him. As if she could trust him and herself with him. It had been so long since she had felt that sense of comfort and desire simultaneously. It scared her, letting herself be vulnerable when all that had ever given her was more reasons to let her heart form a layer of if not callousness, perhaps impenetrability that allowed her to prevent herself from further hurt.

Shaking herself from her spiraling thoughts, Clarie exhaled and gave herself a talking to. “Don’t overthink it, Beauchamp. It would just be a meal, and you don’t even know if he’s interested in you like that. You need friends, and he would be a good one. But you won’t be a doctor if you let yourself get distracted by a boy. Well, a man, a gorgeous one at that, but regardless.”

But even as she tried to convince herself that she didn’t want to be distracted from her studies, another part of her thought that Jamie might just be worth the hassle. Either way though, she had to be ready for this exam, so she grabbed her pen and notebook and got back to work.

—

The shrill ringing of her phone startled Claire awake at half past five on Friday morning. 

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” she muttered as her hand fumbled around the top of her nightstand, searching for her phone, eyes refusing to open. 

“What is it?” she answered brusquely, politeness low on her priority list at this wretched hour. 

"Claire, darling, that is such an unladylike way to answer the phone. I cannot have my girlfriend acting in such an undignified way.” Frank’s snide voice said by way of greeting.  

Chapter Text

Claire bolted straight up in her bed at the sound of his voice as panic surged through her body. 

“Fuck off, Frank. You are delusional. I am no longer your girlfriend, which I have made eminently clear, by, you know, moving away and completely ignoring you for the last three months. Now leave me the fuck alone.”

Claire quickly ended the call before Frank had the chance to say anything else, and she immediately blocked the new number he called her from. She threw her phone down on the bed beside her and ran her hands over her face, her body shaking with rage and fear. What an inauspicious start to the day. 

The frequency of Frank’s calls had grown more sporadic with the start of the fall term, as he obviously had less time to be a scorned, malicious ex-boyfriend now that there were students to bore and essays to scoff at. But while the frequency of his calls decreased, the number of emails he sent recently started increasing. As with his phone calls, he seemed to be doing it from different accounts, making it impossible to completely block him. She deleted every one of the emails without opening them, but that did not stop her from seeing the first few words of each email in the preview line. Several of them started by calling her a bitch, a whore, an ungrateful slut, and all sorts of other derogatory names. She was trying hard to not let him get to her, but she was increasingly distressed every time she opened her email and found one from Frank. 

Claire laid back down and stared at her ceiling, too awake to hope of ever getting back to sleep. She knew what she needed to do. She had been putting it off for weeks, hoping that Frank would eventually back down and let her be, but that wish seemed to be a fool's errand at this point. How did she ever think she loved this man? How could she have been so naive, so easily convinced that she deserved his cruelty? 

Claire took some solace in the hope that Frank still hadn’t figured out where she moved to, and if she could cut him off from calling her or emailing her, she might be able to finally be rid of him. In the back of her mind, however, she couldn’t help but wonder if Frank knew where she was and if he might just one day show up in Edinburgh. Her abating panic reared again, not sure what she would do if he appeared at her door. But first, she figured, she could at least take some small steps to further eradicating him from her life.

“Friday, ” she thought to herself, running through her schedule in her head. “No work today, class at one this afternoon, and then the rest of the afternoon off to study. Plenty of time to do what must be done.”

She let herself lay in bed a few minutes longer before she forced herself to get up and to do what she should have done ages ago - fully cut off Frank’s access to her.

—

Claire did not anticipate how much time it would take and how exhausting it would be to further hide herself from Frank, and by the time she made it home, she was so mentally and emotionally fried that she could barely look at her textbooks, let alone open them to study. Instead, she stared into space, reflecting on all that happened that day.

After Frank called, she started the tedious process of opening a new personal email account and updating every account tied to her old email address with her new one. And then she tried to message as many personal contacts as possible to make sure they had her new email address. 

By the time she was satisfied with the progress she’d made, the sun had risen and the shops were open, so she walked over to the nearest phone shop to get a new sim card. The last thing she really wanted was to spend her time texting every person in her phone about her new number, but she promised herself a large slice of cake from her favorite bakery if she pushed through and got it done. Only for a moment did she let herself wallow in the unfairness of being the one forced into this tedious task, as if she were being further punished for her own cowardice in letting it get to this point. 

That done, Claire hurried to campus for her afternoon class, hoping that she had enough energy after the ninety minute lecture to do the hardest task left on her list. The class passed surprisingly quickly, and Claire was so happy to focus on something she truly loved, something that reminded her that her future was far brighter than the past she was currently dealing with. 

After chatting with a few classmates after their lecture, Claire stopped delaying the inevitable and walked herself to the nearby police station— her body tense with nerves as she did so. After waiting nearly a half-hour, Claire was relieved when Officer Finely called her name and asked her to step into her office. 

Officer Ailsa Finley looked to be about Claire’s age, her hair slicked back into a ponytail, and her officer’s uniform perfectly ironed. Claire’s initial impression was that she seemed kind but direct. No nonsense but eager to help. 

“What brings you in today, Miss Beauchamp?” Officer Finley asked, motioning for Claire to take a seat at her desk. 

Claire took a deep breath, calming her nerves. “Well, my ex-boyfriend has been harassing me by phone and email, and I am hoping to understand what recourse might be available, if any, to prevent him from contacting me any further.” 

Officer Finley proceeded to ask Claire increasingly hard questions about her nearly five year relationship with Frank and the nature of his recent harassment. It was the first time ever that Claire had shared, in full, the entire story of her relationship with Frank, from when they met when she was just out of undergrad at twenty-two through the darkest moments of the last several months. As she spoke, she felt a dueling sense of shame and catharsis pulsating through her body. With every bit that she shared, she felt relieved of the heavy burden of the years she spent hiding what was happening, the half truths she would tell friends and co-workers, the excuses she made for Frank, the lies she told herself. She spoke at length of his emotional manipulations, his gaslighting, his verbal abuse. But as she listened to herself explain to the officer what she endured, Claire couldn’t help but berate herself for not taking action sooner. For not walking away the first or even the hundredth time Frank belittled and demeaned her. She knew she should be gentler with herself, but she had never learned how to extend such grace to herself.

After what felt like an eternity of answering Officer Finley’s questions, Claire was surprised and embarrassed to realize that she was crying softly as she detailed the actions she had taken today to cut off Frank’s access to her. She was emotionally exhausted, not just from the day, but from the years of stress caused by Frank’s harassment, and no doubt from the years she spent suppressing her feelings so she could survive. 

“Well, Miss Beauchamp,” Officer Finley started after Claire answered what was promised to be the final question. “You took the right actions today to limit Randall’s access to you, so we are already starting from a good place. As for additional actions, you have enough cause to have a restraining order put in place, if that is a course of action you would like to take. Conversely, because you and Randall are no longer in the same city, you could also wait and see if the steps you took today are enough to deter Randall from subsequent harassment.”

Claire asked a few questions about how restraining orders worked and the steps and proof required to put one in place. She was too tired to make a decision at that moment, plus, if that was the course she decided to pursue, she would need a lawyer as well. But she was glad to be walking away with some things to consider.

As she was about to leave Officer Finley’s office, shoulders slumped in exhaustion and feeling defeated, the woman called to her. 

“Miss Beauchamp?” 

Claire turned back around to look at the officer.

“You did the right thing today. And despite what you might tell yourself or what others might say, you are not to blame for any of what’s happened to you. You have been victimized. Nearly everyday, I talk to women with stories similar to yours, who, just like you did today, have been resilient in the face of something terrible. You coming here today was a courageous decision, and we will do the best we can to make sure you can move forward without the fear currently hanging over you.”

All Claire could do in that moment was give the officer a terse nod on gratitude before turning to leave. 

—

On her way home, Claire acquired the slice of cake she promised herself earlier in the day. It was ridiculously large, and she sensed that the clerk could tell she was in desperate need of a sweet treat. 

By the time she made it back to her apartment, it was nearly 6PM and Claire was spent. She changed into sweats and an oversized sweater, and flopped onto the couch, wrapping a blanket around herself. The day and all that happened washed over her in waves of relief, annoyance, anger, and sadness. She tried to hold onto the officer’s words about it not being her fault, something which Geillis had often reiterated to her. Claire hoped that, with time, she would fully believe that, instead of seeing all of the things she had done to make her situation worse. 

Claire picked up her phone, looking to distract her brain from its spiraling. What she really wanted was a friend to talk with, but Geillis was working the night shift at the hospital and Joe was going out with his wife, Gail. Just as she was starting to berate herself for having made no other friends in Edinburgh, Claire remembered Jamie. He might have not been as close a friend as either Joe or Geillis yet, but he had made it clear, more than once, that he wanted to be. So did she. 

Claire scrolled through her contacts, which had thankfully remained intact despite getting a new number, to find Jamie’s. Had it just been two days ago that she patched his knee up in the garden and he gave her his phone number? It felt like a lifetime ago. She hesitated, not quite sure if inviting him over was a good idea, but then quickly typed out a text, hitting send before she could overthink it any more. 

6:17PM <<C: Hi, Jamie. It’s Claire from down the hall. I have a huge slice of chocolate fudge cake from Highland Bakehouse. Interested in stopping by to help me eat it tonight?>>

Claire stared at her phone, trying not to wonder why she was so nervous waiting for his response. 

6:21PM <<J: Sassenach! Sae good tae hear from ye. I am on my way home from work now, and would love tae start my weekend off with the best cake in Scotland. Would 20 minutes from now be okay?>>

6:22PM <<C: That works great. See you then! >>

—

Jamie’s entire face lit up when he saw Claire’s text message as he was walking home. It had been two days since he had given her his phone number, but like a complete idiot, forgot to get hers. So all he could do was hope that she might remember that she had his number and send him a hello, a request for neighborly assistance, a silly gif, anything. 

So despite being completely spent from his day at work, there was no way Jamie was going to refuse Claire’s offer to stop by for some cake. Plus, Highland Bakehouse truly made the best cake in all of Edinburgh and after a long week at work, he was ready to start his weekend with a bit of an indulgence. 

He walked as quickly as he could, making it home in record time, including taking the steps up to their floor two at a time. Slightly winded, he stood outside of Claire’s for a minute to catch his breath and compose himself before knocking. Moments later, Claire was standing in front of him, looking as beautiful as ever in leggings and a cozy jumper. But almost instantly Jamie could tell that something was wrong. 

“Hi Jamie, come on in,” Claire greeted, her voice tired as she stepped aside to let him enter. 

“Hi Sassenach. Thanks for asking me tae stop by. I’ll never say no when someone offers me cake.”

Jamie smiled at her, and she tried to smile back, but unlike other smiles he had witnessed from her, it didn’t reach her eyes and her eyes didn’t sparkle. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her face was blotchy, as if she had been crying. Jamie immediately went into protective mode and it took all of his effort to restrain himself from pulling Claire into his arms to shelter her. He wouldn’t push her to share, wanting to give her the choice, but he would make sure she knew that he was here for her, whatever she needed.

They settled themselves on the couch, Claire bringing the cake and two forks from the kitchen. 

“I figured we could just eat it out of the box,” Claire said, handing him a fork.

“Fine by me. Why dirty dishes when ye dinna need to?”

They talked amiably about how their week’s had gone, exchanging stories of patients and customers, making the other laugh or recoil in horror. After a day full of tension and stress, Claire was so relieved to laugh and just enjoy time with a friend. Jamie was so easy to spend time with. He not only seemed interested in what she had to share, but gave her his full attention, asking her questions and not even once glancing at his phone. 

They talked long after the cake had been finished. Nearly ninety minutes had passed, and a natural lull in their conversation was filled by both of them yawning, and then laughing.

“It seems we are both knackered, Sassenach. How about I get out of here sae ye can enjoy the rest of yer evening in peace? And mebbe even get some extra sleep.” She seemed in better spirits than when he arrived, though he certainly noticed that she never directly answered his question about how her day had gone. 

Claire agreed that she was more than ready to lay in bed while watching something on the telly, but she didn’t make any effort to get up off of the couch or to see Jamie out. Instead, she found herself studying him as he checked the time on his phone. His hair was mussed, no doubt from running his hands through it throughout the day, and he had some slight scruff on his face that her fingers itched to touch. She quite liked looking at him, and had since the day they met, but the more time she spent with him, the more she came to know that Jamie’s attractiveness was not just in his looks, but in his kindness, his sincerity, in the way he always made her feel safe. 

“Jamie,” Claire started tentatively. 

His eyes found hers immediately, perhaps picking up on the fragility in her voice. When her eyes locked with his, she couldn’t articulate what she felt but she knew in the marrow of her bones the truth and enormity of it. 

“Remember when you came over to recommend those books? And my ex called?”

Jamie nodded, his blood already seething at the mention of the bastard. 

“Well, you weren’t wrong when you suggested he was harassing me. Ever since I left him in July, he has been calling me from different phone numbers and emailing me from different accounts. I never give him much time to speak if I accidentally answer his calls and I just delete the emails he sends, but he has been persistent.”

Jamie shifted closer to her, desperately wanting to grab her hand, to comfort her, but he wasn’t sure if that would be crossing a line. Instead he focused on trying to keep his temper in check and listening to what Claire was saying. 

“This morning, he called again, and I finally just couldn’t take it anymore. So I spent my day getting a new phone number, opening a new email account, and then I went and talked to the police,” Claire said, her voice lined with weariness.

“Sassenach, I am sae sorry that ye have been going through that. Ye deserve tae feel safe, lass, and I am sae glad ye were brave enough not only tae leave him but tae do what ye did today,” Jamie said kindly, finding himself no longer able to resist placing his hand on top of her’s.

The gentle weight of Jamie’s hand on her’s sent tingles throughout her body while simultaneously lifting some of the stress of her day away. Claire marveled at the knowledge that his touch could so quickly elicit such strong emotions. 

“I’ve been trying hard to convince myself of that,” Claire whispered, “but it is so hard not to blame myself for being in this situation. 

“Claire, I dinna ken much about what happened between ye and that man, but I ken that it is not yer fault.”

Claire didn’t have the energy to share more or to further explain the war being waged inside her head, so she just nodded in agreement.

“Thanks for being here, Jamie. I really needed a friend tonight, and I am so grateful. And now I know that all I need is some cake to convince you to come over.”

Jamie laughed but then gently squeezed her hand, prompting her eyes to connect with his again. “Sassenach, ye dinna need tae bribe me with cake. Whenever ye need me, all ye have tae do is let me know, and I will be here for ye.”

Jamie, seeing how truly tired Claire was, decided it was time for him to leave. As they stood by the door saying goodbye, Claire couldn’t help but reach out and wrap her arms around Jamie in a hug. His arms were around her instantly, his body heat suffusing through her in a way she found extremely pleasant. 

“Thanking ye for sharing all that ye did with me, Sassenach. I dinna take it lightly that ye are trusting me with something that is verra difficult,” Jamie said, softly, speaking to the top of her head. 

Claire hugged him tighter, not having the energy to do or say much else at this point in her day. Slowly, she extracted herself from his arms, and thanked him again for listening. 

Jamie gave her a smile and made her promise to call if she needed him, before he made his way down the hallway to his apartment.

—

Jamie closed his door behind him before turning to lean against it, his mind whirring with thoughts and emotions. Rage continued to surge through him, and he considered punching a wall while imagining it was Randall’s face. But he could still feel Claire’s body pressed against his and how right it felt to have her in his arms, and his rage shifted to admiration. She was so fucking brave and he swore to himself in that moment that he would do whatever he must to see her safe. To see her happy. 

Chapter Text

It was the end of a long, emotional week for Claire, and while she wanted nothing more than to sit on her couch with a glass of wine and a non-academic book, it was Halloween, and there would be trick-or-treaters at her door in less than an hour. So, instead of easing into her Friday night, the moment she walked through the door, she started scrambling around to prepare. 

She didn’t have to do much, but when she had asked Jamie about it a few days ago, he mentioned that he would be wearing a costume to hand out his treats, and that most people did. It created a sense of fun and excitement for the children, as did the festive door decorations most people hung up. Claire didn’t have enough time during the week to hang up her pumpkin and ghost cutouts and twinkle lights, so after she got into her costume, she hurried to get them up. 

“Not too bad,” she said aloud to herself as she took a step back to look at the completed door. It certainly wasn’t as spooky or as creative as some of the others she had seen around the complex, but it looked appropriately festive, she thought. 

With a quick glance at the clock, Claire noted there was still twenty minutes before the fun began. Just enough time to enjoy that glass of wine after all.

—

Claire swung her apartment door open, expecting another group of children dressed in costumes, joyfully shouting “TRICK-OR-TREAT!” Instead, she found herself momentarily speechless when she was greeted by a strapping, giant of a man, decked out in full Highland regalia, holding an empty plastic pumpkin bucket. Claire was breathless at the sight of him but managed to keep her composure as she greeted him.

“Aren’t you a bit old to be out trick-or-treating? I mean, that costume does deserve to be seen, but a grown man begging his neighbors for candy seems like the wrong way to go about it.”

“Tease all ye want, Sassenach, yer just jealous that yer cat ears don’t create such a stir with the bairns,” Jamie jested, a smirk on his face. 

“Hey, I also have a tail,” she said, turning to show off the long, black costume tail attached to her leggings, “I make an adorable cat.” 

She caught his eyes briefly lingering on her backside before they shifted back to hers, smirking.

“Aye, I’ve never seen a bonnier cat in all my days,” he cheeked, a light blush suffusing his cheeks. 

Claire cleared her throat, hoping he wouldn’t notice her own cheeks turning pink at his compliment. 

“Well, if you aren’t out trick-or-treating, why are you knocking on my door while you are supposed to be handing out goodies to the children?”

“I…might have run out of candy. My nieces and nephews came tae visit yesterday, and the wee gremlins sweet-talked me into giving them most of my supply.”

“Quite the predicament. And you are here in hopes that I have some to share?”

“I come, hat in hand, begging for yer kindness,” he said, removing the tam from his head, looking at her solemnly.

“I suppose I have more than enough to share, though I should warn you, the children have, thus far, been less than enthusiastic about my offerings,” she lamented, grabbing a large bowl of apples and satsumas from the table beside the door.

It was quite obvious that Jamie could barely contain his laughter, his shoulders ever so slightly shaking as he tried to hold it in. “Sassenach, ye mean to tell me ye are handing out fruit on Halloween?” 

“Well, yes! The children are already getting plenty of candy today, why shouldn’t I provide them with something that won’t make their teeth root and their stomachs ache with too much sugar?”

Jamie let an actual chuckle out at her passionate fruit defense, which only served to rile her up more.

“I am studying to be a doctor! I just want to do what I can to keep them all healthy. They won’t miss one extra chocolate bar from me.”

“I willna argue that yer mission is not a noble one, lass. Ye are well on yer way to being a fine doctor. Let me see if I can help get the bairns excited about yer wee fruit.”

He grabbed several apples and satsumas, filling his pumpkin bucket full, before looking once more at Claire, a large smile on his face. 

“Thank you, Sassenach,” he paused, hesitating as if he wasn’t sure about what he was about to say. 

“How are ye doing, lass? I ken over text ye said ye were managing, but I have tae say it is a relief seeing the smile on yer face and hearing ye laugh just now,” Jamie’s eyes held her’s as he spoke, their blue depths full of compassion.

“It’s been a long week,” Claire admitted. “I haven’t heard from Frank again, thankfully, though I am guessing there will be a few emails from him in my old account the next time I check it. It is such a pain in the arse, having to change all of my contact information.” 

“I’m proud of ye for navigating all of it, Sassenach. And I ken I’ve said it a lot, but I’m here for whatever ye need,” Jamie said.

“I know,” Claire replied with a shy smile. 

A group of kids in superhero costumes came running excitedly around the corner, no doubt about to knock on Jamie’s door.

“I better get back. Thanks again for sharing yer fruit with me, Sasseanch. I hope you will let me return the favor soon.” He winked, well more like slowly blinked, before giving her a sweeping bow, turning to walk back to his apartment. 

Claire let her eyes linger on his retreating form, taking a moment to fully appreciate the beautiful, breathtaking sight of him in his tartan. She never had seen a man close up in a kilt before, and Jamie’s kilt, swishing behind him as he walked, his toned legs visible, left her weak in the knees. She was only broken out of her reverie when the next pack of ghosts and goblins came running around the corner, gleefully shouting for treats. 

—

Jamie awoke with a start on Saturday morning. He had been dreaming of Claire in those godforsaken black leggings, her shapely arse and long legs taunting him in his dreams. He rubbed his hand over his face, letting out a groan mixed with frustration and embarrassment, all while urging his overstimulated body to calm down. He felt like he was sixteen again, unable to control his body’s reactions to a beautiful woman. But Claire was not just some beautiful woman, and his twenty-five year old body was not just lusting after her physically.  

After she stopped by the bookshop a few weeks back, he came to terms with the fact that he had a wee crush on his neighbor. And it only grew stronger as he spent more time with her. He was drawn to her and his once wee crush was maybe not so wee if he was dreaming such dreams about her, he thought. She was consuming his thoughts, and he longed to know more about her, to spend more time in her presence, to hold her in his arms and care for her. 

Suddenly, Jamie remembered he and Claire discussed having dinner together after she patched him up from his less than graceful stumble in the garden. Maybe they could get together this evening and finally get that take away he’d promised her. 

Excited by the idea, Jamie grabbed his phone off the nightstand to send her a text, only to see she already texted him that morning. 

6:47AM < <C: Are you interested in going to a Samhain bonfire tonight? >>

Jamie grinned as he typed out his reply.

7:13AM << J: Are Sassenachs even allowed to partake in such a Scottish celebration?😝 >>

7:17AM << C: 🙄 Har, har. My friend Geillis has assured me that my Englishness will not impede my ability to enjoy tonight’s festivities. >>

7:19AM << J: Well, in that case, I’m in. What time does the fun begin? >>

—

Since she returned to Scotland a few years ago, Geillis had hosted an annual Samhain bonfire, and Claire was excited to finally be able to attend. The pagan Scottish holiday was an important part of Geillis’s efforts to reclaim her Scottish heritage, and the yearly event had become a way for her to celebrate her new community in Scotland while also learning more about the customs and traditions that her ancestors practiced. Tonight’s bonfire would be a chance for Claire to meet many more of the friends Geillis talked her ear off about, and, from what Geillis shared, it would be a night full of chances to “let yer ghosts be done with ye.”

Claire wasn’t sure what compelled her to invite Jamie along, but she did think it would be something he would enjoy. Plus, besides Geillis, there would be no one else at the bonfire she knew well, and it seemed like a good idea to bring someone along who could safely see her home at the end of the evening. The fact that she might have maybe just a little crush on him had absolutely nothing to do with it. Nor did the fact that she could not stop thinking about him in his kilt. Not at all. 

It would be a cold night, so Claire layered on her warmest clothes, wrangling a hat over her curls and pulling on her fleece-lined suede boots in hopes she could keep herself from freezing. Just as she was pulling on her coat, there was a knock at the door. Jamie, of course, was right on time. 

“Hi Sassenach, ye ready to go?” He asked by way of greeting. 

“I am. Just let me grab my bag,” Claire reached over to the counter for her small, brown purse, opening it to double check it had everything she needed. 

“Okay, let’s go,” she said with a smile.

Jamie offered to drive them, so they walked toward his car. Claire was a few steps behind him, and couldn’t help but give his backside a once (or twice) over as they made their way to the car park. He wore snug, well worn jeans, with a navy puffer vest over a rust and gray colored flannel. She felt her cheeks flush as she took in his broad shoulders and his thick, wavy hair. Claire hadn’t had a crush like this, maybe ever? Even when she first met Frank, her attraction to him was not so much because of Frank, but because of the attention he paid her. She was not proud of that fact, but she had been young and in desperate need of connection after her Uncle Lamb passed, leaving her with no remaining family of her own. Looking back, it was so easy for her to see all  the red flags she had missed about Frank. How he was never interested in her, but the idea of her— the trophy he could show off to his colleagues; the doting, obedient partner he could bend at his will. What Claire had mistaken for love was really a pathological need for power and control, and she was too weak, too scared to walk away sooner. 

Lost in her spiraling thoughts, she hadn’t realized that they made it to Jamie’s truck. He was holding the door open for her, looking at her with a small smile on his face. Wanting to shake herself from thinking about Frank more, Claire climbed into the truck, and looked around. It was neat and tidy, and much to her delight, there was a Highland coo shaped air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror. Once they were both belted in, Jamie started the truck and they chatted amiably all the way to the bonfire. 

—

The fire had already been lit and was burning brightly by the time they arrived. There were at least two dozen people milling about, talking to one another as they walked up the hill to the gathering. Claire looked around, spotting Geillis in an animated conversation with a burly looking man. She waved, catching Geillis’s attention, and the woman walked over to her and Jamie. 

“Claire! I’m sae glad ye made it!” She said, enveloping Claire in a big hug. “And who is this strapping lad ye’ve brought with ye?”

“Geillis, this is Jamie Fraser, the neighbor I have told you about.”

“Pleased tae meet ye, Geillis. Thank ye for having me,” Jamie said, reaching out to shake her hand. 

“The pleasure is all mine, wee fox cub,” Geillis said, winking at Jamie. Claire rolled her eyes at her friend, who never passed up an opportunity to flirt. Geilis and Jamie talked for a few minutes about where in Scotland they grew up, trying to figure out if they had any shared family or friends. Another friend of Geillis’s eventually walked over to get her attention.

“I need tae go say hello tae some more folks,” she said apologetically to Claire and Jamie. “I’m sae glad ye are both here. Please get yourselves a drink and enjoy the fire. We will officially start the evening in just a few minutes.”

Geillis walked off to greet a couple that had just arrived, leaving them to make their way to the table filled with food and drinks on their own. Hot apple cider in hand, Claire led Jamie over to two open chairs that were placed close to the fire. The warmth from the flames wrapped around Claire like a cozy blanket, and she couldn’t stop the happy sigh that left her mouth.

“Tis such a clear night, tonight, Sassenach,” Jamie said after they sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes. “Look at all the stars.”

Claire looked up to the dark heavens, taking in the gorgeous night sky with its nearly full moon and an innumerable amount of stars strewn across the vast expanse. The sight of it left her awed. 

“When I lived in London, I was lucky if I ever saw more than one or two stars. The air there is so polluted and between that and the tall buildings, seeing the stars was a rare treat,” she told him. “Even where we are in Edinburgh, it can be hard to get a good look at them. But here…”

Jamie couldn’t help but watch Claire’s face as she looked at the sky. Wonder and excitement were clearly evident, as was maybe a bit of longing? Hope? He wasn’t quite sure. 

“When I was a lad, my da would take us stargazing up in the hills just beyond the farm. We would lay in the grass, trying tae find constellations and planets, making up silly names for the ones we dinna know.”

Claire smiled, “Well then, teach me the ones that you do know. Besides the little dipper, which I see just there,” Claire pointed toward the constellation, “I don’t think I know any of them.”

“Aye, that is the little dipper, or Ursa Minor, as it is also known. And just there,” Jamie pointed to the left, “is Ursa Major, or the Great Bear, though I have always struggled to see the bear.”

“Ooh, I see it! How can you not see a bear? It is so clear to me,” Claire said excitedly.

“Ach, yer just showing off,” Jamie craned his neck around, trying to find another he could point out.

“And ye see there, the one that looks like a "W”? That is Casseopia the Queen. Greek myth says she was placed in the sky on her throne as punishment for being too boastful about her beauty. The way she is positioned in the sky means she spends half of every night upside down.”

Claire rolled her eyes at this, muttering “men” underneath her breath, making Jamie chuckle. He was just about to point out another constellation when Geillis asked the group to gather around the fire so she could officially welcome everyone. 

“Friends, thank ye sae much for coming to my annual Samhain bonfire. For some of ye, this is not yer first time coming, and ye know what we are about tae do. For those who are here for the first time, let me explain.”

“Samhain began as a pagan Celtic celebration to commemorate the end of the harvest season and to welcome in the dark winter months. Time was seen as liminal on Samhain, meaning the boundary between this world and the afterworld could more easily be traversed, making it easier for our ghosts tae come visit us. It was customary for towns to celebrate the dark and the ghosts by lighting a bonfire, which was thought tae be a way tae cleanse the community and help ward off evil spirits attempting tae return tae the land of the living.” 

“Tonight, we will carry on those traditions, using the darkness of the night and the light of the flames tae reflect on the battles we have fought, and tae cleans ourselves of the ghosts - be they literal or metaphorical - that no longer serve us well.”

Claire was listening raptly as Geillis spoke. Her friend was a powerful presence, and she could hear Geillis’s passion with every word she spoke. There had to be a least fifty people gathered around the fire, and they all looked on with admiration for Geillis. 

“Tonight, I ask ye tae give yourself permission tae let something go. Tae pay respect tae yerselves for the battles ye have waged. Tae honor yerselves and the strength ye have within ye tae overcome what life has challenged ye with.”

“This can be an emotional event. I hope it is also cathartic and ye leave here tonight feeling lighter, having let the warm glow of the fire fill the places where ye have released the ghosts ye have kept hidden. Ye no longer need tae carry those ghosts. I am grateful tae be here with ye all tonight. We get tae give ourselves space to welcome the darkness of winter by creating space within ourselves tae fill with light and love.”

Geillis had mentioned that there would be a ceremony of sorts, but had not elaborated on what the night would entail, only telling Claire that it would be a chance to reflect on what was in her heart. But from Geillis’s speech, it was so much more than that, at least if Claire wanted it to be. She glanced at Jamie, curious to see what he was making of Geillis’s words. Claire had not forewarned him of anything that might happen tonight - she had barely known herself - and she was suddenly nervous he might find it all a bit…ridiculous. To her relief, the look on his face was a mix of curiosity and pensiveness, and not at all dubious or concerned about what he might have gotten himself into. 

Claire turned her attention back to Geillis, who was now giving instructions on how they would release themselves of what was no longer serving them. They were to take a few pieces of paper, and write on each of them a thing that they wanted to sever ties with. When they were ready, they would individually throw the slips of paper into the fire, saying each time “I release this from my soul to make space for the light and love I deserve.”

“Jamie, I didn’t know there would be such a personal activity when I invited you. Please don’t feel like you have to participate if it is too much or makes you uncomfortable,” Claire whispered to him as Geillis started passing out paper and pens. 

“Dinna fash, Sassenach. It actually sounds like just the thing I need. I’m grateful that Geillis has rooted tonight’s celebrations in the true spirit of Samhain.”

Claire felt herself easing at his words, grateful to know she wasn’t about to scare him off because she had invited him to what could be a deeply emotional night. 

The atmosphere around the fire had shifted from a lively, jovial energy to a subdued, reflective one as everyone began the activity. Some people were already writing on their papers, while others were sitting quietly, staring into the fire, thinking about all they might want to release from themselves. Claire joined those who were watching the flames dance, unsure of where to start. She had spent most of her life compartmentalizing her emotions, trying to avoid them at all costs, so worried that if she let them in, they would consume her. She tried hard to bury her feelings, and avoided talking too much about them whenever people asked. And Frank had never asked. Or if he did, he didn’t actually care, so she usually defaulted to pretending to be fine, though for much of her relationship with him, she was anything but. 

What ghosts did she want to let go of from the last year? She had waged so many battles - finding the strength to leave Frank, uprooting her whole life by moving to Edinburgh, balancing both medical school and her nursing job. She had given herself permission to walk away, permission to put herself first. But even though she had found the courage she needed, it was harder to be gentle and loving toward herself. She was often disgusted with herself for accepting Frank’s manipulation and abuse for so long. Part of her still thought she deserved some of it because despite knowing better, she allowed it to happen. Even though it was illogical, her brain worked hard to convince her she was to blame for all of it. She had been the enabler, the one who had kept going back to him, knowing that nothing would ever change. 

Could she release herself from this cycle of self-loathing? Could she give herself permission to actually forgive herself? She could at least try.

Claire stared at the fire a bit longer before making a decision. With a sense of clarity she wrote on three different slips of paper the things she wanted to symbolically let go of, not stopping to second guess or change her mind.

She glanced at Jamie, who was still deep in thought, before she stood and walked over to the fire. 

Claire read each slip one more time before she put each one in the fire. 

“I release myself for thinking I deserved what happened with Frank because I didn’t leave sooner.”

“I release myself from thinking that I do not deserve love because I am afraid of being hurt.”

“I release myself from not telling people how I really feel, including myself.”

As she placed each paper in the fire, she softly repeated the mantra Geillis had shared. 

“I release this from my soul to make space for the light and love I deserve.”

After the last piece of paper went up in flames, Claire was immediately overcome with a powerful sense of relief, a single tear rolling down her cheek giving way to full, body wracking sobs. And just as suddenly, a strong pair of arms wrapped themselves around her, pulling her in close. 

“Shh, lass, it’s okay. Let it out.” Claire heard Jamie’s voice whisper into her hair, as she turned in his arms and burrowed her face into his chest. He gently swayed her back and forth, continuing to whisper to her gently as she let herself cry. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she noted that he was not whispering words in English, but in Gaelic, but she was too emotionally distraught to care about what he was saying. All that mattered was how safe she felt with his arms around her.

—

Jamie watched as Claire stood up and walked toward the fire, pieces of paper in hand. She looked determined, but he also saw a trace of doubt on her face as she looked from the papers in her hand to the fire and back again. He felt guilty for watching her in such a private moment, but he found it difficult to look away. He always wanted to be looking at her, even though, he realized that sounded super creepy. She was just impossible to look away from.

Claire had taken a deep, calming breath before placing her first slip of paper into the fire, while saying the affirmation Geillis provided. She did the other two in quick succession, not lingering between them, but almost rushing to get it over with. And then, the moment her last piece of paper hit the flames, he noticed a shift in her body language. The determination in her posture gave way to deep, anguished sobs. He instantly got to his feet and ran the few steps between them so that he could pull her into his arms and provide her some comfort. Jamie knew that Claire liked to appear strong, and based on what she had shared about her ex and why she moved to Edinburgh, so whatever she wrote on those pieces of paper must have been deeply personal to cause such an emotional reaction.

While Claire’s sobs eased, Jamie continued to hold her, resting his chin atop her head as she remained snuggled into his chest. Despite the circumstances, Jamie couldn’t help but note how right it felt, holding her like this. She fit against him perfectly, and it truly felt like his arms had been waiting his whole life to hold her . 

Eventually, she stopped crying, but neither made any effort to end the hug. They stood quietly by the fire, listening to the sound of the other breathing, reveling in the warmth and safety of the moment. Finally, Claire stepped back, wiping her face as she did so. 

“Are ye okay, Sassenach?” Jamie asked gently. 

Claire gave a small, sarcastic chuckle. “I’m not sure ‘okay’ is the right word for it, but I am better. Thank you for, well, for being here and seeing me through that. I didn’t mean to slobber all over you.”

“Nae worry, lass. I’m just glad I could be here for ye. That ye felt safe enough with me tae let yerself grieve.”

Claire took a deep, steadying breath, noticing as she did so, that Jamie’s slips of paper were still sitting by his chair.

“You didn’t even get to finish the activity for yourself. I’m so sorry.”

“Sassenach, it is truly okay. There is still time for me tae finish now, unless ye would rather go home?” 

“No, please. Take all of the time you need,” Claire said, not wanting to keep him from such a powerful activity. 

They both sat down again in their chairs, Claire quietly observing the rest of the group while Jamie got to writing. Several people were standing up at the fire, releasing themselves from whatever personal battles they needed to, and she was relieved to see that she was not the only person moved to tears by the act. Though, she noted, no one else was breaking down into sobs like she had. 

A few minutes later, Jamie stood up and walked again toward the fire. He was holding two pieces of paper in his hand, and put them into the fire one after the other. Claire watched as he stood by the fire for a few moments, feeling like she might be intruding on a personal moment. But she found him hard to look away from. She was trying to not feel embarrassed by her emotional breakdown, noting that she had, just moments ago, given herself permission to share what she was feeling. What was crying if not a very clear way of sharing how she felt? Still, she and Jamie did not know each other that well, and she hated to put him in such an awkward position. But he had not hesitated to see her through it, just like he did the night he came over for cake. He seemed to want to care for her and…just be there for her? It felt strange that he was not telling her what she was feeling was ridiculous; not berating her for needing an emotional release. Frank's scars ran deep in her, leaving her certain that any emotion she felt was wrong or unimportant. Claire knew it would take a long time, years maybe, for her to truly heal the scars that Frank left, but tonight was a helpful step in her healing. Even more so because Jamie was besides her. 

As he turned away from the fire, Claire noticed Jamie wiping a tear from his cheek. Their eyes connected, each giving the other a shaky smile. It had been quite the evening. 

“Do ye wish tae stay longer, Sassenach?”

“I think I’m good. Not really sure how much more exciting I want the night to get after this.”

“Fair enough,” Jamie grinned in reply. “Let’s go give our farewells tae Geillis then?”

They made their way over to Geillis, who was chatting away with a small group of women, all of whom looked like they had been crying as well. After a long hug from Geillis and a promise to call her tomorrow, Claire made her way back over to Jaime, who had given the two friends some space to say goodbye for the evening. They started the walk back to his truck in companionable silence, each lost in their own thoughts about the evening. Claire again noticed the crisp air biting at her cheeks, and felt invigorated by the cool air filling her lungs. She took several deep inhales and exhales. She was walking away from the bonfire feeling a mix of emotions. Feeling more certain about the work she needed to do to heal, and happy with the knowledge that Jamie was a true friend, and not just a friendly (cough*handsome*cough) neighbor. She hadn’t expected tonight to be one of transformation, but it was hard to deny that in her bones, she felt different now. 

She glanced again at the sky, wanting to take in the stars one last time, when she saw it. 

“Jamie,” she gasped. “Look!”

Jamie looked to where she was pointing and saw it too. A shooting star making its way across the inky black night sky. 

“Make a wish, Sassenach.”

They both watched as the star faded away, neither sharing their wish with the other. 

—

They arrived back at the apartment complex, Jamie escorting Claire to her door. 

“Thanks again for coming with me tonight, Jamie. And for not running off when I started crying,” Claire said as they stood outside of her apartment. 

“There’s no place I would have rather been, and no person I would have rather spent my evening with, Sassenach. Thank ye for inviting me.”

A moment of awkward silence passed between them, neither quite wanting to say goodnight just yet, knowing it would put a pause to the growing connection between them.

“Hey, don’t you still owe me some dinner?” Claire asked.

“Och, I do, don’t I? Does that mean ye might have some time in that busy schedule of yers soon?”

“Well, not immediately. I work the next two Saturdays, but the Saturday after that I am free, if you are still interested.”

Interested? He was more than interested. Though he probably shouldn’t tell her he was desperate to spend as much time with her as she would allow. 

“I think that day works great. Let me double check my schedule and I will text ye,” Jamie said, hoping he was keeping the eagerness in his voice at an appropriate level. 

Another awkward pause hung between them.

“Well, goodnight then,” Claire finally said, her whisky colored eyes connecting with his, making his heart race. 

“Goodnight, lass,” and before he had time to change his mind, he bent down and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. 

A look of surprise crossed Claire’s face before a smile bloomed in its place, along with a beautiful rosy color filling her cheeks. 

Not saying anything else, she turned and unlocked the door, shutting it softly behind her.

Chapter Text

Jamie woke with a start, as if his subconscious prodded his body awake. It was still dark, though because it was November in Edinburgh, darkness was the default state for sixteen hours of the day. Jamie was usually an early riser, a long ingrained habit from growing up on a farm, but today he was surprised to see that it was nearing 8am, well past his normal 6am wake up. The last week of work had been long, full of preparing for the upcoming onslaught of Christmas shopping and a fuller than usual events schedule. He was working extended hours trying to get everything done and the lack of sleep caught up with him. When he got home last night, he barely had enough energy to scarf down two bacon butties before crashing into bed, eager for sleep. 

It was Saturday. The day he and Claire had agreed upon for her to come to his place for dinner. As he laid in bed, letting his body and mind wake up, a thrill of excitement and a wave of panic moved through him simultaneously. He and Claire hadn’t seen much of one another since the Samhain celebration, though there was a noticeable increase in the amount they had been texting one another since that night. Their texts were nothing too grand, just friendly check-ins, a bit of idle gossip about their neighbor, Maisri, and an almost daily picture of whatever mischief Adso was getting into that Jamie sent to Claire. Thus far, Jamie tried hard not to overthink why any time his phone pinged with a message from Claire, his heart raced and a huge smile appeared on his face.

Something shifted between them the night of Samhain. Instead of their normal, playful banter, the night had created space for them to be open and vulnerable with one another, moving them past just being friendly neighbors squarely into friends. It was nice having a friend that was just a few doors down the hall, he told himself, even though he knew that he was interested in more than friendship. He also knew, despite her not divulging much, that being in a relationship was not high on her list of priorities, given both her hectic work and school life, not to mention whatever had happened with her ex. The way she had broken down during the Samhain activity was imprinted in his memory and, more than anything, he wanted her to see him as someone she could trust and rely upon, not someone who took advantage of a woman who was healing from something that seemed truly terrible. 

Adso jumped up onto the bed, nudging his head into Jamie’s shoulder, which certainly meant it was well past the wee cheetie’s breakfast time. Jamie scooped Adso into his arms, giving the cat a kiss on the top of his head.

“Listen here, Adso. Ye get tae finally meet Claire tonight. She is coming over for dinner. I’m going to need you on yer best behavior, understand?”

The cat meowed, making Jamie chuckle. “I’ll take that as an, aye,” he said, pushing off his covers and walking into the kitchen to find breakfast for both him and the cat. 

—

In her months since moving to Edinburgh, Claire had developed a Saturday morning ritual. She was decidedly not a morning person, despite having to be one for work and school, so on Saturday mornings, she would let herself sleep in, reveling in not having to immediately abandon her duvet. But this Saturday morning, Claire found herself awake before 7am, unable to fall back asleep. The week had been delightfully boring, despite being its usual amount of busy. Her shifts at the hospital were quiet and, while ever-demanding, school had presented no real challenges. As she laid in bed, she reflected that it was the first week she truly felt like Edinburgh was not just some random city, but a place she felt safe and comfortable. She had slowly started building a life of her own here, and a small but dependable community as well. 

Traveling the world and going on adventures with Uncle Lamb were experiences Claire wouldn’t trade for anything, but it meant that she never formed deep or lasting friendships. And once she had begun dating Frank, he had been quick to find ways to keep her from making friends of her own, denying her of a community to rely upon that wasn’t full of the insufferable snobs he worked with. Geillis, thankfully,  had broken through, perhaps sensing that Claire was in desperate need of a friend, no matter how hard Frank tried to keep Claire from having ones of her own. 

And now, together in Edinburgh, her friendship with Geillis had only deepened. Having never had a best friend, it was a bit of a revelation to Claire to have Geillis by her side, ready to offer a listening ear, to challenge her thinking, and to love her with expectation. 

At school, she and Joe became fast friends. An American transplant, Claire sensed a kindred spirit in Joe. He was affable and refreshingly candid, always willing to give Claire the perspective she needed. 

And then there was Jamie…the friend she never expected and didn’t realize she needed. He was kind, funny, and so stupidly charming. His smile gave her butterflies and their recent text exchanges had the ability to turn a bad day into a good one (or at least into a less bad one). The night of the Samhain celebration moved them from friendly acquaintances to true friends, both of them trusting the other with their unspoken pain, shared only in vague but deeply raw reflections. Claire longed to hold his hand that night, to let herself lean into the comfort she felt in his presence. He had held her closely by the fire, and left her with a kiss on the cheek that she could still feel tingling on her skin when she closed her eyes that night. He was a true friend to her that night, and, maybe it would be best if that was all that he was. She was certainly drawn to him, but the logical part of her knew that she wasn’t read to rush into anything with anyone. She was scared. Scared of her heart being hurt past the point of repair. Being his friend felt safe, and she refused to let it become more than that. For her own safety and his as well.

Claire finally gave up on trying to fall back asleep and decided that because it was Saturday, she would treat herself to a croissant and a coffee from her favorite cafe just down the road. And maybe after that, she would go to a class at the yoga studio she had been meaning to check out. That would still give her enough time to get some studying done before dinner at Jamie’s. She wasn’t sure what she was most excited about - getting to finally see Jamie’s apartment, meeting the infamous Adso, or just getting to spend a few hours with Jamie, enjoying whatever takeaway he decided she should sample. After years of tiptoeing around Frank’s moods and attempting to hide herself from his emotional abuse, it felt simultaneously invigorating and unnerving to be able to look forward to spending the evening with a man who she trusted was not out to intentionally belittle and demean her.

She took a deep, calming breath, appreciating this little life she was building for herself, got out of bed, and set out for a rare, relaxing day. 

—

The day passed with excruciating slowness. Every time Jamie looked at the clock, he swore the time had moved backwards and not forward. He kept himself busy - making sure his apartment was clean, going to the gym, and taking a video call from his niece and nephew, who were excited to tell him all about their weeks at school. He loved getting to hear the excitement in their voices as they talked all about what they were learning and all of the tomfoolery they were causing Jenny and Ian. 

Finally, it was minutes to six o’clock, the time he and Claire had agreed upon for dinner, and Jamie was panicking just slightly about what to wear. He stood in his room, already in his favorite pair of jeans, unsure about which shirt he should put on. He didn’t want to be overdressed, having promised Claire that they would eat dinner on the couch while watching something on TV. But now here he was, staring at five different shirts spread out on his bed, debating if they were too formal or not formal enough. Surely a button up was too much for a casual dinner between friends? But his favorite flannel was maybe too worn and slapdash? Obviously not just a t-shirt. And he would be too hot in a sweater, for sure. Christ. He was overthinking it. He grabbed the forest green henley that was nearest to him and pulled it on. Crisis resolved. 

As he walked out of his bedroom into the kitchen, his phone buzzed. There was a text message from the Indian restaurant he ordered from, letting him know their food would be delivered in about 30 minutes. Jamie took a few calming breaths, not really sure why he was so nervous to have Claire here for dinner. Maybe it was because this felt like an evolution of their friendship - intentionally planning to spend time with one another. Or maybe it was because he liked her, he thought…and best not explore that line of thinking moments before she would be in his apartment.

A soft knock on the door let him know that she was there, and he took one last deep breath before opening the door and all of the remaining breath in his body left him at the sight of her. Claire was beautiful in an oversized teal sweater and black leggings. Her hair was down, curls happily dancing around her face. And she was wearing the cutest, silliest pair of Highland coo slippers. 

“Hi Sassenach, I like yer slippers,” Jamie said in greeting, a hint of teasing in his voice.

“Well, thank you very much. We agreed on casual, so why not come over in my favorite pair of slippers, I thought. Geillis gave them to me when I moved here. Um, this is for you,” she added, offering him a bottle of wine that he hadn’t noticed she was holding.

“Thank ye, Sassenach. Come on in.”

Jamie watched as Claire entered his apartment and immediately walked over to the two massive bookshelves lining the walls of his living room. His personal library was a point of pride, having curated it over time to be a reflection of the books and authors he loved the most. Claire’s fingers danced over the spines as she took in the titles, a small smile tugging on her lips. 

“It’s like you have your own little bookshop right here,” she said, still browsing through all of the books before her. “And, wait, are these alphabetized?”

“Aye. They are sorted by genre and then alphabetized by author. How else would ye expect me to find what I’m looking for, Sassenach?”

Claire chuckled, finally turning away from the shelves, looking around the rest of the room. She was impressed with how tidy his place was, while also feeling cozy and, well, like a true home. As much as she considered her own apartment to be home, she could not deny that it still felt sparse, lacking a sense of homeyness that made it truly feel like home. She took note of the small personal touches in the space - pictures with friends and family all over, artwork and plants thoughtfully placed, and, of course, a well-loved reading chair with a blanket thrown over the armrest nestled into a corner. 

“Your place is lovely, Jamie. Did you decorate it yourself?” She asked, noticing the color flooding his cheeks at her compliment.

“Ach, only some. My sister, Jenny, helped a great deal when I first moved in. Told me I canna be living like some disgusting slob when I was out of uni with a real job,” he rolled his eyes affectionately. “But when she dragged me out to buy things, I was the one who picked everything out. So what you see is all me.”

“Well, I am impressed. I might need to have Jenny come force me into decorating too. Is she available?”

“My sister is always available if it involves tellin’ people what to do. But dinna fret about it, Sassenach. Yer place is comfortable enough for only just moving in, and between yer work and yer schoolin’, tis not like ye are swimmin’ in free time.”

“I suppose not. It’s just, well, it’s nice to feel at home in your home, if that makes any sense. I spent so many years going home to a place that wasn’t really mine and now that I have my own space, I want to make it feel like mine . I finally feel safe in my home, and now I also want to feel at home when I am there. Gosh, how many more times can I say the word home?” Claire rambled, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. But she saw Jamie nod in understanding, easing the nervous energy flowing through her. 

“Give it time, lass,” he said, so simply and so encouragingly that she couldn’t help but feel certain that he was right. Patience had never been a strength of hers, and even if Jamie didn’t know her that well, he seemed to understand that part of her already.

There was an awkward pause in their conversation, and both of them looked at the other, unsure of what to do now.

Jamie cleared his throat, “The food will be here soon, Sassenach. Have a seat on the couch. What can I get ye to drink? We’re having takeaway from my favorite Indian place.”

“Oh, I love Indian food,” Claire said happily as she moved toward the couch. She immediately picked the corner seat, much to Jamie’s amusement, as that was his preferred spot as well. 

“I’ll have a beer, if you have any,” Claire added, tucking her feet, slippers and all, under her legs as she made herself comfortable. 

“As ye wish, Sassenach,” he replied, as he headed into the kitchen. 

Settled on the couch with their drinks, conversation between them flowed easily. They talked about their days - Claire sharing about the new yoga studio she tried out after treating herself to her favorite pain au chocolat; Jamie telling her all about his niece and nephew. Claire marveled at how comfortable she felt with him, how safe and secure he made her feel with his mere presence.

Adso came waltzing into the room, walking right over to where they were sitting, demanding his presence be acknowledged.

“There ye are, ye wee menace. We have company and ye just now come to greet her? Did I teach you no manners?” Jamie asked the cat as he picked him up and set him on the couch between them. Adso immediately took interest in Claire, climbing on her lap and rubbing his face against her sweater.

“Allow me to introduce Adso,” Jamie said as Asdo made himself right at home, curling into a ball on Claire’s lap.

“What a pleasure to meet you, Adso,” Claire cooed while rubbing the cat’s ears. “Aren’t you such a handsome boy?”

Jamie could not keep the smile off of his face as he watched Claire happily chat away with his cheetie.

“Have ye ever had a pet, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, seeing how immediately comfortable she was with his cat purring away in her lap.

Claire sighed, “I haven’t. Uncle Lamb and I moved around too much when I was growing up, so we never got one. And Frank…” she paused, as if not sure what she wanted to share about her ex. “Well, he thought animals were disgusting and dirty and refused to even consider us getting a pet, so I stopped asking.” 

Jamie hesitated, wanting to ask more about Frank but unsure if she would shut him down again. 

“Claire, ye can tell me to shove it if I am crossing a line ye wouldna rather I crossed, but did Frank ever hurt ye?”

Claire shifted uncomfortably at his question, a look of shame on her face as she considered answering him. Jamie hoped she trusted him enough to know he was a safe person to share her story with. Hoped she knew he would protect her from future harm. That he would be here for her, no matter what. 

His question, she thought, was a fair one. Or, if not fair, one she expected he would eventually ask. Every time Frank had come up in conversations between them, she had either shut down the conversation or quickly moved past it, never feeling ready to share with Jamie something she was still trying to understand herself. She knew she did not owe Jamie an explanation, but ever since the bonfire, when he was so quick to comfort her, she found herself wanting to tell him. She trusted him with her secrets, even if the process of telling him remained terrifying. Claire took a deep, steadying breath and decided to try. 

“He never hurt me, physically,” she started. “Never touched me in anger or with malice. That was maybe the only way in which he didn’t hurt me.” 

Claire was still petting Adso, taking comfort in the cat’s warm, fluffy fur, grateful for a reason to not look directly at Jamie while she found the courage to keep talking. 

“I was young and desperately lonely when I met Frank. My Uncle Lamb passed away, and because we lived such a transient existence, I never had the chance to form any close friendships. I was starved for companionship, for attention, and Frank was so charming when I first met him.”

“But his charm was just a veneer masking his misogyny and manipulation. So, no, he never physically hurt me. Instead, I went through years of emotional and mental abuse. He constantly nitpicked my appearance, my career, every damn choice I made. He showed no concern for my feelings, telling me I was being dramatic or hormonal. He belittled me in front of his friends and colleagues. He found ways to keep me from making my own friends. And I let him do it. I was so desperate to have stability, a partner, that I let him walk all over me for years, knowing in my heart that he was a cold, callous man that was merely in love with the idea of a perfectly manicured life, and never actually in love with me. I was just a prop.”

Claire wasn’t crying but her voice was heavy with exhaustion and grief. The anger she felt toward Frank, toward herself, was often paralyzing, so she tried to compartmentalize and hide those emotions from herself so they wouldn’t consume her. But there was something cathartic about sharing it with Jamie. The way he let her talk uninterrupted. The concern on his face when she chanced a glimpse at him. He made her feel seen and heard. And she, more than most, knew how truly important that was. 

Jamie’s blood boiled as he listened to Claire share about her relationship with Frank. The man was nothing more than scum, unworthy of Claire’s love, and if they ever crossed paths, Jamie would make sure that Frank paid the price for all of the hurt he caused Claire. He desperately wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but he wasn’t sure if that would be crossing a line. Instead, Jamie reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly, causing her to look at him.

“Claire, listen tae me. None of what happened was yer fault. He took advantage of you. Ye are so brave for enduring as long as ye did, and equally as brave for finding a way out. For knowing ye deserve more than his abuse. I am sae proud of ye for finding that courage.”

At that, Claire started sobbing, and before he even had time to react, she had shifted on the couch to wrap her arms around him, laying her head on his shoulder while she wept. 

“Shh, lass. ‘Tis okay. I’m here with ye now. Ye’re safe with me,” Jamie whispered, letting her cry while he held her securely in his arms.  

Claire wasn’t sure how long they sat like that on the couch. She eventually cried herself out, but was too embarrassed and too comfortable to immediately extract herself from Jamie’s arms. She heard him continuing to whisper gently above her, though she recognized that he was no longer speaking English, so she had no clue what he was saying. 

Eventually, Claire pulled back from their embrace, giving Jamie a shaky smile as she rubbed her hands over her face. 

“You know, for someone who really doesn’t cry all that often, I seem to cry a lot when I am around you,” she quipped, hoping to lighten the mood some. 

Jamie chuckled at that. “What can I say? I have that effect on people.”

“But in all seriousness, thank you, Jamie. For listening and for just being here.” She paused, debating if she wanted to say something else. She decided to go for it. “At the bonfire, one of the things I wanted to release myself from was not telling people how I really feel, including myself. So before I chicken out, I feel safe with you, and I do not have the words to express how much that means to me.”

Jamie again grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m sae glad, Sassenach. And since ye confessed one of yer bonfire secrets tae me, I should tell ye one of mine.”

Jamie had released himself from two things at the bonfire. One of which was the guilt he still felt at not taking over the family farm, instead pursuing his own dreams to own his own bookshop. For so long, he had felt selfish and like he had let his dad, Jenny, and Ian down when he told him he did not want to live the life of a farmer. And the other…

“My mam and brother died when I was a lad. And my dad died right before I graduated college. Tis irrational, I ken, but I blame myself for all of it. I have a strong sense of duty and take very seriously my responsibility tae take care of my loved ones. Twas how I was raised and it has served me well most of the time, and it makes me happy tae be of service to the people in my life. But it also means that I place an immense amount of guilt and blame on the things that arena my fault. And I struggle tae let other people help me because I dinna want tae be a burden tae them when it should be me helping them.” 

“So at the bonfire, I made myself release the idea that I am supposed tae feel guilty for the tragedies that I have faced. That I must carry my guilt and my grief stoically. That I am not deserving of the care of others. And tae do that, I ken I need tae do a better job at telling people how I feel. Sae, ye see, Sassenach, we are kind of birds of a feather.”

Claire gave him an ironic smile. “Well, look at us, two emotionally inept people attempting emotions,” she remarked. Jamie half laughed and half groaned at her comment, grateful to have shared something of himself with her and grateful that she found ways to bring some levity to what had become a very intense evening so far. 

Jamie made to say something, but there was a simultaneous grumble that emitted from both of their stomachs that interrupted his thought. 

“A Dhia, the food should have been here by now,” Jamie said, grabbing his phone to look at the time. Their conversation had made him completely forget that they were waiting for food to be delivered, and it was well past the time it should have arrived. 

“I’ve a text message that says the food was delivered 15 minutes ago,” he said, standing up and walking to the door. He pulled open the door and chuckled when he saw their food sitting on the ground, ready and waiting for them. 

“Did ye hear them knock, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, as he carried the food to the kitchen. 

Claire walked over to join him, appreciating the delicious aroma of what she hoped included extra spicy curry and samosas. 

“I did not. Though I think we were both very distracted.”

Jamie smiled as he set out plates and silverware, while Claire started pulling all of the different containers out of the bag. 

“Jamie, how much food did you order? How did you expect just the two of us to eat this much?” Claire asked, looking at the dozen different containers she had set on the counter. 

“Weel, I dinna know what you liked, Sassenach, so I decided to order a bit of everything tae make sure ye were well fed,” he said, a small blush creeping into his cheeks.

His simple act of generosity sent a warm feeling through Claire’s entire body. In the short time she had known Jamie, she more than once found herself marveling at his thoughtfulness and consideration of…her. She was unaccustomed to someone caring about what she wanted or needed, especially when it came without prompting or exaggerated sighs of irritation. Jamie so effortlessly caring about her left her a bit breathless and deeply intrigued. 

They each scooped a little bit of everything onto their plates, chatting about their favorite Indian dishes and preferred heat levels. Claire couldn’t help but laugh when Jamie admitted that he was a bit of a baby when it came to spicy food, barely even able to tolerate a mild level of heat in most things. That hadn’t stopped him from ordering two extremely spicy dishes, just in case Claire was “into that sort of thing,” which made her laugh even harder while she eagerly spooned some of the extra spicy curries onto her plate. 

They again settled comfortably on the couch, Claire tucking her feet up under her, while Jamie, the tall man that he was, easily settled back onto the couch with his feet still on the floor. While they ate, they talked about their weeks. Claire shared with Jamie all about the recent hospital gossip and how one of her medical school professors had specifically praised her for her recent work during her internal medicine rotation. She was bashful as she shared this, which Jamie found exceedingly adorable. It was so easy to see how much she loved getting to be a doctor, and he couldn't help but be smitten with a woman who was so passionate about getting to care for others. 

Jamie shared more about his week at work, talking about the most recent author event the store hosted, and how much of a curmudgeon the old mystery author had been. Claire laughed at his impersonation of the author demanding exactly seven ice cubes and two lemon wedges in his glass of water, which he then proceeded to not take even a sip from the entire night. Talking with Jamie was invigorating. He was such an adept storyteller, making her laugh riotously while also pulling on her heartstrings as he talked with pride about the literacy program he was working on starting at the store. She couldn’t help but be smitten with a man so caring of and invested in his community. 

Their stomachs delightfully stuffed, a comfortable lull fell between them. Neither in a hurry to end the evening, both reveling in the quiet contentment they felt in the other’s presence. Jamie moved to clean up their plates, urging Claire to stay put on the couch. Claire let out a small, happy sigh, all while trying not to think too hard about how she had not felt this relaxed in a long time. It seemed more and more, Jamie’s presence was one that soothed and reassured her in ways that were both welcome and completely terrifying. Instead of dwelling on that, Claire took another look around the room, when she noticed a very familiar book sitting on one of Jamie’s end tables. 

“Jamie? Have you been reading Tangled Up in Tartan ? Why is it sitting here on the table and not filed away on your shelves?” Claire asked. 

Jamie hesitated before answering. Despite frequently getting teased by his mates for reading romance books, he was not embarrassed about enjoying them, and it was him who had recommended the book to Claire in the first place. She knew he had read the book and didn’t seem to find a man reading such a book to be odd. So it wasn’t that he didn’t want to admit that he was reading it again, which he was, it was the reason why. Ever since he had recommended it to Claire, he found himself eagerly revisiting the story so, if the book came up, he would remember the finer points of the story to discuss with her. As far as romance books went, Tangled Up in Tartan was especially steamy, and Jamie was also maybe rereading it as a healthy way to channel his enormous crush on Claire. Which he definitely could not tell her. 

Jamie cleared his throat. “Aye, I’ve been giving it a wee reread. When I recommended it tae ye, I realized I dinna remember the whole story but I remembered liking it, so I decided tae revisit it.”

“Well, what do you think about it this time around?” She asked, curiosity in her voice. 

“Tis as good as I remembered. Alistair and Isla are a formidable pair, and the writing is just sae captivating and, well, ah, passionate,” he said. “Tis impossible not tae root for them, as individuals and as a couple.”

“I quite agree. And I loved that Isla is a badass boxer in her spare time. She was quite good at throwing Alistair around and making sure he knew she was in charge,” Claire shared, causing Jamie to almost choke on the sip of water he had just taken. Claire laughed at how her comment had flustered him, leaving Jamie no choice but to return the favor. 

“Aye, not all men can handle being dominated by a woman, but both Alistair and I seem to like a woman who can put us in our place,” Jamie replied with a smirk, appreciating the bright red color now suffusing Claire’s cheeks. 

“Well, then. Glad we both seemed to enjoy similar characters,” Claire said primly, trying desperately to keep the conversation from turning any more risque. Knowing that Jamie liked a woman in charge made her feel a strong surge of desire. One that she hadn’t felt in years. She wouldn’t mind (thoughtfully, gently) manhandling Jamie, nor would she mind him returning the favor. But she wasn’t willing to risk their friendship. He was quickly becoming one of the most important people in her life, and even though her body was traitorously longing to be at his mercy, the idea of starting some fling with him was not worth the risk. 

Jamie’s heart was sure to beat out of his chest. Somehow their conversation had turned…erotic? Or at least racier than he would have expected. The mere thought of Claire having her way with him had all of the blood in his body rushing south, leaving him momentarily lightheaded. He wanted Claire, a fact that was about to become blatantly clear if he did not get a hold of himself. But he also didn’t think he could just have some sort of casual, friends-with-benefits, type of relationship with her. He wasn’t that sort of person, and his attraction to Claire was so much deeper than a superficial physical desire. She was too important to him to risk losing her by rushing into something that neither of them were completely ready for. And how could he even bring up the idea without risking their friendship?

Adso, the genius cat that he was, picked that moment to saunter back into the living room, providing a much needed distraction from their current topic of conversation. The cat paused when he saw Claire’s coo slippers, eyeing them suspiciously before tentatively pawing at them. 

“Hey, ye wee dolt. Those are slippers, not a toy for ye to destroy,” Jamie playfully chided, scooping the cat up from the floor and setting him on the couch between him and Claire. 

Jamie looked at the clock, noting the late hour. “Right before bed, Adso and I play laser for a wee bit tae help him get his energy out,” Jamie told Claire as he grabbed a mouse-shaped laser pointer off of the end table. 

“Would ye like tae do the honors tonight?”

“Most certainly,” Claire said, taking the laser pointer off of the table and pointing it on the floor a few feet away from Adso. The cat immediately noticed the light and ran toward it, pausing to observe it before pouncing on it. They laughed and cheered Adso on as he moved around the room, hunting for the little dot of light. When Jamie let out a yawn, Claire finally glanced at the time and gasped.

“Jamie, you have let me stay far too late! It is almost midnight, and here I am, overstaying my welcome,” Claire said as she stood up and brushed some cat hair off of her leggings. 

“Sassenach, ye most certainly have not overstayed anything. Tis been quite the evening, and I am sae glad ye gave me so much of yer time,” he replied, giving her a small, sincere smile as their eyes held each other’s.

“Well, thank you. I must say, it has simultaneously been one of the most emotional and yet also most fun evenings I have had in quite some time.  Maybe ever. Thank you for being so willing to listen and to hold space for all of my bloody emotions,” she looked away from him, a bit embarrassed by how emotional she had been, but grateful nonetheless that he was a man who could adeptly deal with several different emotions at once, instead of the normal one that most men could handle. 

“I’m here anytime ye need a listenin’ ear, lass. Yer emotions are safe with me, and tis a privilege that ye felt safe enough tae trust me with them,” Jamie told her.

They walked to the door, but not before Jamie insisted on her taking home some of the leftovers from dinner, all while refusing to accept the money Claire tried to offer for the meal. 

“Sassenach, it was my treat, and I willna have yer money. But please, at least take the abhorrent spicy curries with ye, because I willna be touching them,” he said firmly. 

“Fine, but I owe you a dinner. Maybe next time you can come to mine and we can try another of your favorite takeaway spots?” Claire suggested.

“Just tell me when, lass, and I’ll be there.” 

“Okay, time for me to go home and get to bed so I can wake up and study all day tomorrow,” Claire sighed. 

“Normally, I would offer tae walk ye home and see ye get there safe, but will ye allow me tae instead just maybe watch from my door as ye walk the 10 meters down the hall?”

Claire giggled at that, giving him an exaggerated sigh before agreeing that seemed reasonable. 

“Thanks again, Jamie,” Claire said, moving in to hug him. 

Hugging Jamie was unlike anything she had ever experienced. The night of the bonfire, his hug was reassurance and stability. She hadn’t taken time to appreciate how well she fit against him. How her head tucked just so underneath his chin. How his arms enveloped her, pulling her into his warmth, suffusing her senses with his enticing scent and steady heartbeat. Here in his arms, she felt dueling levels of comfort and desire that muted out any other feelings within her. She needed this hug to continue in perpetuity, for this blanket of rightness and certainty to be woven into her flesh so she could never forget what it meant to feel seen and safe. It was as if she had been waiting her whole life to be wrapped in the strong, gentle embrace of this man, and she could not bring herself to let him go now that she had discovered this place of refuge.

Jamie took a deep breath as he held Claire in his arms, letting out a contented “hmm” as she rested her head against his chest. 

They reluctantly parted, Claire turning to open the door.

“Good night, Jamie,” Claire said softly, as she stood on her tiptoes and gently placed a kiss on his cheek. She turned and walked down the hall, leaving him to hastily wish her retreating form good night as well. 

Once she was safely in her apartment, Jamie closed and locked his door, walking back to the couch to sit in his stupor. Claire’s lips had been soft and warm on his cheek. He placed his hand over the spot she kissed, wanting to hold on to the feeling of her lips deliciously imprinting themselves on his skin. Warmth flooded through him, and he let his head fall back to the pillows behind him, desperate to stay in this moment of wondrous bliss for as long as he possibly could.

Chapter Text

As November gave way to December, it seemed like Claire’s hectic days increased in both volume and intensity. It was near the end of term at school, resulting in several late-night study sessions each week, leaving her short both on sleep and patience most days.

She knew she was near her breaking point, but just needed to make it to Christmas Day, which would be the first of five whole days off from school and work. The only thing keeping her sane in this current moment was Jamie. Ever since their dinner at his place nearly three weeks ago, the frequency of their text exchanges moved from a few times a week to several times a day, and every single message, even the most mundane ones, made Claire’s heart leap with joy when she saw Jamie’s name on her screen. Her impossible to manage schedule, combined with Jamie working extra hours at the bookshop due to the demand of the holiday season, left little time for them to actually see each other though, which frustrated Claire. 

On Tuesday morning, two weeks before Christmas, Claire was just locking her apartment to head to the hospital for her 7am shift. As she turned to head toward the stairs, she was surprised to see Jamie walking down the hallway holding two cups of coffee and what looked like a bag filled with pastries.

“Good morning, Sassenach,” he said in greeting.

“Jamie, what on earth are you doing out at this hour when you could be sleeping?”

Jamie laughed. He had learned that he and Claire had very different approaches to mornings. He was quite the early riser, whereas Claire, if given the option, wouldn’t mind sleeping the morning away. Her love of sleep and a lazy morning was impossibly endearing to him. 

“Weel lass, some of us like tae get up and start our days with a workout before the chaos of the day descends upon us,” he said, cheekily. 

Claire rolled her eyes at that. “And you then need two coffees to recover from both the lack of sleep and the physical exertion?” she asked, motioning to the two cups in his hand. 

“Oooch, one is for ye, Sassenach. As is this bag of wee treats. Tis from the cafe ye mentioned liking.” 

He handed her both the coffee and the bag of pastries, and Claire was unable to keep from breaking into a huge smile at the gift. 

“Jamie, this is incredibly kind. What were you going to do if I wasn’t home? Indulge in the pastries all on your own?” She asked, peeking into the bag, noticing two of her favorite pains au chocolat, along with some fruit filled danishes and a cinnamon roll. She would be the favorite of the hospital break room this morning.

Jamie scoffed at her question. “Ye texted me yesterday how close tae yer wits end ye are with exams and how busy the hospital has been, lamenting having tae be at work for yer 7am shift. I ken how difficult mornings are for ye, so I figured the least I could do is provide ye some sustenance tae make it through the day.”

Claire’s eyes welled, unable to articulate to him how what he was brushing off as a simple kindness was anything but in her eyes. He had not only taken the time to listen to her laments over text, replying encouragingly that she could make it through a few more weeks, as a true friend would, but to then care enough to bring her breakfast, well, that was not something anyone had done for her in a long, long time. 

Not wanting to scare him off by crying over coffee and pastries, Claire took a deep breath and said, “Well, now I am going to expect this every time I have an early shift. Which is almost every Tuesday and Thursday. Which I am mentioning for no reason,” she winked. 

Jamie laughed at her less than subtle hint. “That is good information tae know, Sassenach,” returning her wink with his patented two eye owl blink that she found equally hilarious and adorable. 

Claire again thanked Jamie for his thoughtfulness, and then headed out for the day, her overstuffed backpack digging into her shoulders, but a lightness in her step at getting to start her day by seeing Jamie.

—

It was Saturday morning, just days before Christmas, and Jamie was reveling in the still, quiet atmosphere of his apartment before he had to go to work later in the afternoon. He rarely worked weekends, but as it was the last weekend before Christmas, the store was sure to be swamped with boisterous and cranky holiday shoppers getting their last minute gifts, and it was all hands on deck. 

But this morning, the only sound surrounding him was Adso’s gentle snoring from his cat bed in the corner of the room, and the occasional turning of the page as he read his book. It was a rare treat, this slow morning. He liked to get up and tackle the day, not usually giving himself the time or space to appreciate the soothing powers of enjoying a good book and a warm cup of coffee in the pre-dawn hours. But after the last few weeks of holiday mayhem, he woke up craving stillness and comfort. So he settled into his favorite reading chair and let himself get lost in a fictional world for a couple of hours before the realities of the day descended upon him. 

As he was contemplating making himself a second cup of coffee, a gentle knock on his door startled him out of his morning reverie. Confused as to who might be bothering him so early in the morning, Jamie walked to the door and pulled it open, surprised to find Claire standing on the other side, two coffees in hand and a look of distress on her face. Concerned flooded his body as he moved aside so he could let her in. 

“Sassenach, come in,” he said. “Is everything okay?”

“Hi Jamie,” she said, her voice tired and gravely. “I was on my way home from my night shift at the hospital, and since the cafe is on the way home, I decided we both deserve a Saturday morning treat,” she said through a yawn, extending one of the cups of coffee to him.

“Are ye sure you should be drinking coffee after staying up at work all night, Sassenach?” 

Claire chuckled at his question. “Jamie, doctors and nurses are impervious to the effects that caffeine has on sleep. We have trained ourselves to fall asleep no matter what the hour or how much caffeine might be in our systems.”

Jamie accepted the coffee gratefully, knowing he would need as much caffeine as possible to power through one of the busiest shopping days of the year. 

“I’ve also brought some shortbread. The cafe apparently only makes it around Christmas time, and I was there early enough that it was still warm from the oven when they boxed it up for me.” Claire seemed a bit aloof as she spoke, her voice flat and her eyes focused on nothing in particular. 

“That sounds like the perfect Saturday morning treat, Sassenach. Come sit down and let’s enjoy some.”

They made their way to the couch, Jamie offering Claire a blanket to keep her warm. For a few minutes, they munched on their shortbread and sipped their coffees in silence. Jamie knew that something was amiss, but he didn’t want to push Claire to share if she didn’t bring it up on her own. She looked exhausted, and from the few words she had uttered, he knew her voice to be hoarse and reflective of the same fatigue that lined every inch of her face. He longed to open his arms to her and let her curl into his body so she might find rest and comfort from whatever was plaguing her. Instead he placed his hand on her blanket-covered knee and squeezed gently.

“Sassenach, Claire, ye ken I am always here tae listen if ye need someone tae talk to, right?” he asked, finally breaking the silence. 

Claire nodded as she chewed on a bite of shortbread, again letting silence fill the space between them. 

Finally, after another several minutes of quiet between them, Claire finally spoke.

“A patient died last night on my shift,” she started. “She was an eight-year-old who had been in and out of the hospital for months. I met her on my very first shift at the hospital in August. She was such a happy, joyful little girl despite being so sick. Every time she saw me, she teased me about my English accent and asked me a million different questions about London.” Claire hesitated, and then added, voice breaking, “She was like me. Her parents passed away when she was a baby, and her uncle took her in and cared for her as his own.”

Tears were streaming freely down Claire’s face now, and Jamie moved to pull her into his arms, desperate to provide her any comfort he possibly could. Claire turned her face to rest it against his shoulder, letting her eyes close as Jamie slowly rubbed small circles on her back. 

“I’m sae sorry, Sassenach. Tis such a terrible thing to have tae witness,” he said gently, hating there was nothing he could do to take this pain away from her. 

Claire sniffled and then sighed. “I don’t know why this is bothering me so much. I am a nurse. I am training to be a doctor. I have seen patients die before and have been able to deal with it without breaking down. It’s part of the job. I need to be stronger than this. I am not weak.”

Jamie gently pulled away from Claire, still holding on to her arms while looking into her eyes. 

“Claire, ye are anything but weak. Ye are one of the strongest people I know. Ye care fiercely about yer work and yer patients. Ye canna always expect tae be able tae hold back yer tears on tough days like this. Ye care too much and work too hard tae not let yerself sometimes be moved tae anger or sadness. Ye are a human, not a robot.”

Claire gave him a skeptical look, but her spirit had lightened some and she did not think that he was wrong. Just…it was so hard for her to accept that she was not unflappable and that was okay. She knew she placed too much pressure on herself to maintain her stiff upper lip. It was an innate part of who she was, and her ability to compartmentalize, to put her emotions to the side, so often served her well. But Jamie was right. She cared, fiercely, for her work and her patients, and if that meant that sometimes she wouldn’t be able to hide her emotions about them, then she would just have to accept that about herself. 

“Thanks for letting me come and blubber. I hope I haven’t interrupted your morning too much.”

“As ye can see, lass, Adso and I were having a lazy morning,” Jamie nodded toward Adso, still sleeping soundly in his bed, oblivious to the world, “Sae it’s safe tae say ye didna interrupt a thing.”

Claire smiled at that, and they slowly started to talk about other things while finishing their coffee and shortbread. Unspoken between them was the fact that Claire came to him for comfort and reassurance. Claire had left the hospital in a daze, planning to just go home and sleep the day (and her feelings) away. But when she passed the coffeeshop, Jamie’s face flashed into her mind, and the next thing she knew, she was standing outside of his door with coffee in hand. She could have called Geillis or Joe to talk about it, but she realized now that she wasn’t looking for their level-headed comfort. Claire loved them both, but knew they would too quickly move to the medical details, wanting to comfort her through science and statistics. And that is often what she wanted. But not today. Today, she had just wanted to be listened to. To not dwell in the details but to let herself go. And she knew Jamie would create that space for her. He always did. 

Before long, Claire was starting to droop right before Jamie’s eyes. She had already worked a long, emotionally exhausting overnight shift, and then just spent nearly another hour here with him, so she must be completely drained by this point. He stood up, grabbing her hand to gently pull her up with him. 

“Alright lass, ‘tis time for ye to get home and get some rest,” he said, affection in his voice. 

“I suppose you are right,” Claire yawned, moving to grab her backpack and leave. 

Jamie beat her to the bag and scooped it up for her. “Come on. Let me walk ye home. I dinna trust that ye might just stop and fall dead asleep in the middle of the hallway.”

Claire let out a laugh and followed Jamie out the door. It was a bit silly, him walking her such a short distance down the hall, but she was appreciative. After she unlocked her door, she turned back to Jamie, not hesitating to hug him. “Thank you,” she whispered softly into his ear. 

“Always, Sassenach. Now, go get some sleep, and text me later tae let me know how ye are and if ye need anything.”

Claire nodded sleepily, letting the door close behind her, grateful. 

—

Jamie shouldered open his apartment door, arms full of bags from his Christmas shopping excursion earlier that day. He was preparing for an extended holiday back home at Lallybroch with Jenny, Ian and the bairns, and with only three days to go before Christmas and just one before he was leaving, he was scrambling to get the last things he needed before traveling.

Jenny would no doubt say he was spoiling his niece and nephew, but he saw that as both his right and his duty as their only uncle. He smiled to himself just anticipating the joy and excitement that the kids would have on Christmas morning as they opened all of their gifts. They brought him so much happiness, those wee little gremlins.

Sighing, he dropped the heavy bags onto the couch, trying to think through all he needed to finish packing and preparing so he could leave on time tomorrow. Adso, excited to see his human, came and rubbed himself on Jamie’s legs, purring in reminder that it was dinner time for both of them. 

Claire promised she would look in on Adso while he was gone, assuring him that it was no trouble and that it wouldn’t interrupt her own holiday plans. She mentioned that she had drawn the short straw and had to work the night shift on both Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve, but would be spending Christmas Day with Joe and Gail. Watching Adso would bring some extra excitement to her otherwise quiet holiday, she assured him. 

With Adso fed and his own dinner warming in the oven, Jamie made quick work of his packing, figuring he would be able to finish wrapping gifts when he got to Lallybroch. It was well after midnight before he settled into bed, bags all packed, alarm set, and Adso purring contentedly by his side. 

—

Just after 9am the next morning, Jamie was knocking on Claire’s door, needing to drop off the key to his apartment and some instructions for Adso’s care before he left to catch his train. After knocking several times with no answer, Jamie pulled out his phone, double checking Claire’s last text message to him, confirming she would be home this morning. 

He knocked again, harder, calling out her name, wondering if she perhaps forgot and had left for the store or something. 

Finally, her door swung open, revealing a sickly, distressed looking Claire. She was glassy-eyed and had a deathlike pallor to her face. Concern immediately flooded through Jamie at the sight of her, dead on her feet, wrapped in a blanket and still shivering. 

“Sassenach? What’s wrong? Are ye sick, lass?”

Claire opened her mouth to reply, but before she could get a word out, her body was wracked with a terrible cough, leaving her gasping for air, her hand clutching the doorframe to keep herself steady. 

“Claire, let’s get ye back inside,” he said, gently taking her arm to guide her to her couch. 

From the touch of her arm alone, he could tell she was fevered, the heat radiating off of her body in waves. She all but collapsed onto the couch, exhausted from the short walk from the door to the living room. But as she looked up at him, he could see the stubbornness in her eyes. 

“Jamie, you are supposed to be on your way to see your family. Leave your key and go. I will be okay,” she rasped, attempting to be her stern self but exhaustion evident in her voice.

“I am no’ leaving you sick, alone, and barely able tae stand, at Christmas no less,” Jamie huffed, exasperated at her penchant for refusing help of any kind from anyone. 

“You have been so looking forward to seeing your family and spending the holidays with them. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” She leveled a glare at him, which would have been much more intimidating if not for the snot dripping out of her nose. 

“Sassenach, just because ye’ are capable of takin’ care of yerself, it doesn’t mean you should need to.” 

At his words, she looked away. “I do not want to be a burden Jamie. This is probably just a 24-hour bug. There has been one going around the hospital. I’m sure by tomorrow at this time I will be back to normal.”

Jamie had to refrain from rolling his eyes. “Listen, Claire. Let me stay and take care of ye today. If ye are better tomorrow, I can still leave with more than enough time tae make it for Christmas Eve dinner.”

She looked at him, eyes drooping with exhaustion, considering his proposal. “Fine.” She relented quicker than he expected, suggesting that she was even sicker than she was letting on.

“Thank ye’, lass. Ye are doing me a great service, ye see. I would have slept ill knowing I left ye sick and ailing.” He made a sweeping bow to show his thanks, making a small smile crack her lips. 

He helped get her settled on the couch, buried under a mountain of blankets, and in a matter of moments, she dozed off into a restless sleep. Jamie looked around her apartment, trying to assess the situation. He tidied the coffee table, removing her used tissues and taking half empty water glasses to the kitchen for washing. Looking in the refrigerator, he noted a distinct lack of food, beyond a few containers of what smelled like old takeaway. 

A plan quickly formed from there, starting with making a few phone calls. 

—

Claire felt herself drifting to the surface. Her body felt heavy, out of sorts. She was so hot but also freezing. As she gained more awareness, she realized how every part of her ached. She tentatively cracked open one eye, afraid of what additional symptoms she might notice once light found her eyes. But instead of finding the blinding light of the sun or the harsh fluorescent lights that came with the apartment, there was only a soft, gentle glow coming from the corner of the otherwise dark room. Confused as to what this light could be, she shifted herself upward to get a better look, only to be knocked back by a sudden wave of nausea. 

“Easy there, Sassenach,” Jamie’s low, whispered voice came from the kitchen. 

“Jamie? What time is it?”

“Tis just after 5pm. Ye’ve been more or less out cold all day.” He walked over to where she lay on the couch, setting a tray with juice, crackers, and two tablets of paracetamol on the table beside her.

“You really didn’t need to stay, Jamie. It’s Christmas. You should go see your family.”

Jamie made an interesting noise at that comment - part grunt, part snort - and somehow also deeply Scottish in tone while he went to sit in the recliner next to the couch. 

“We already went over this, Sassenach. I promised tae take care of ye until tomorrow. Sae long as ye are feeling better, I will go see my family then. And I know it’s Christmas. Why do you think I put up that tree for ye?”

At that, Claire again attempted to sit up, this time successfully managing her nausea and her pounding head. There in the corner of the room was a small Christmas tree, decorated in soft white lights with a beautiful glowing gold star.

“A tree? Jamie, what on Earth?”

“Weel, when I went out tae the shops to buy ye some food and supplies, I saw them on discount, being so close tae the holiday. Ye haven’t got any other decorations up, so I thought ye might like a little Christmas joy while ye recover.”

Claire was speechless. She had been so busy with shifts at the hospital, classes, and studying, that she not only didn’t bother with decorating, but she didn’t even think to do it. December had melded into one continuous day, both never ending and relentless in its demands of her. And here Jamie was, reminding her that there was still time for the beauty of the season, still a chance to make space for herself to breathe. How had he known that was what she needed when she didn’t even know it herself?

“It’s beautiful, Jamie. Thank you.” She shifted her eyes from the tree to Jamie, who was watching her with an unreadable expression on his face. 

“Ye’re welcome, Sassenach. Now, how are ye feeling? Do ye think ye could hold down some juice and crackers?”

In between sips of juice, Claire slowly nibbled on the crackers, willing her stomach to cooperate with her. Jamie proved a helpful distraction, telling her of his day. Not only did he do her shopping and bring her a whole freaking Christmas tree, he cleaned her kitchen and washed her sheets. She felt so overwhelmed by his kindness, his mother henning, that before she knew what was happening, there were tears rolling down her cheeks. 

“Claire? What’s the matter, lass?” he asked, worry laced in his voice, concern in his eyes, as he got up from the chair and moved to sit beside her on the couch.

Claire swiped at her face, wiping the tears from her cheeks, feeling embarrassed by her inability to control her emotions, exhausted from not only being sick but the relentless pace of the last several months.

“It’s nothing, just feeling like I don’t deserve all of this kindness from you,” she sniffled.

“Why no? Sassenach, taking care of ye is no burden. I am glad I get tae be here with ye,” he said, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side. 

Tired as she was, Claire let herself relax into him, her head resting on his shoulder, her eyes closing.

“I’m so used to just taking care of myself. Ever since losing Lamb, no one has made much of an effort to take care of me,” she whispered.

“Ye are strong and resilient, Claire, no doubt about that. But it isn’t weakness tae let someone take care of ye. Especially someone who wants tae be here.”

Claire didn’t respond to that. She just let her head continue to rest on his shoulder, listening to the slow, steady sound of his breathing. It was easy to let herself be cared for by Jamie. He was gentle with her, observant of her needs, and unassuming in making sure she was well and safe. He wasn’t pushy, but also knew when to push back against her hesitations, always listening to and respecting her boundaries. She had realized of late that she was less and less interested in putting up boundaries where Jamie was concerned. Over the last several months, he had become the most consistent, reliable person in her life. Claire found herself missing him when they went days in between seeing each other, and it was him, more than anyone else, with whom she wanted to process her long days at school or the hospital. So here in this moment, despite her long-ingrained inclinations to refuse help of any kind, she let herself acquiesce. 

—

Jamie didn’t know for how long they had been sitting like this on the couch. His arm firmly around her shoulder, her head nestled perfectly on his shoulder, both leaning back onto the couch with their eyes closed. He had seen all sorts of emotions dancing across her face once she had woken and remembered his presence and had seen the tree. When he bought the tree, he felt uncertain if it was maybe overstepping one of Claire’s hard to figure out boundaries. Even so, he couldn’t help but think she would appreciate the gesture, after she first bristled about it. And maybe for a moment he saw a trace of wariness flash in her eyes, but it almost immediately gave way to joy and contentment. He could very happily spend all of his days making sure that same joy was never far from her grasp. 

He glanced down to where her head lay on his shoulder, and despite her pallor, despite her chapped lipped and reddened nose, he still found her so strikingly beautiful. Very gently, he swept an errant curl off of her forehead, causing her to open her eyes and look up at him. 

“What would ye say about a bath and then bed, Sassenach?”

Claire looked momentarily flustered at his question, making him chuckle softly. 

“I willna be joining ye, Sassenach, as much as ye might want me to.”

Claire rolled her eyes at that, a blush tinging her pale cheeks, sighing as she sat herself up. 

“A bath would be lovely, so long as you make sure I don’t accidentally fall asleep and drown.”

“I will come check on ye every few minutes, Sassenach, ready to save yer life should it come tae that,” he promised, with a hint of teasing in his voice.

“I would expect no less from you, the grandstanding Scot that you are,” she smirked. 

“Sassenach, ye wound me. I see yer sickness is not impacting yer ability tae ridicule me.”

“Never,” she grinned, attempting to stand up on her own. 

She wobbled and Jamie was quick to grab her waist and steady her. Together they walked to her bedroom, where he had her sit down on her bed while he went to draw her a bath. 

Claire found herself taking immense pleasure in listening to Jamie rummage about her bathroom, preparing her bath for her. He was knocking cabinets open and closed– looking for bubble bath and towels, she suspected—and it gave her an inexplicable sense of happiness, having him here, doting on her. 

Before long, he walked back into her room, letting her know that her bath was ready and waiting, asking her if she needed anything else. She had to bite her tongue from asking him to join her in the bathroom, to sit with her while she soaked, and instead just thanked him and made her way into the tub on her own. 

The warm water was a balm to her aching muscles, and she let herself soak for as long as she could before she felt her eyes starting to droop once again. She quickly wrapped herself in her towel, looking for the pajamas she’d brought in the bathroom with her to change into. Or that she thought she’d brought in with her. She must have left them on the bed, so she headed back into the bedroom, forgetting that Jamie was still there.

“Sassen -” he started, walking into her room, holding a box of tissues and what looked like several different bottles of medication, only to be surprised by the sight of her in her towel. 

He turned around sharply, sputtering out an apology with his back to her. 

“Sorry, lass. I was only coming tae make sure ye hadna fallen asleep in the tub.”

Claire couldn’t help but laugh as she grabbed her pajamas off the bed, holding them tightly to her chest. 

“Jamie, it’s fine. Please don’t be embarrassed. I’m just going to go put my PJs on and get into bed.”

Jamie heard the bathroom door close behind him, only realizing how tightly he was clenching his entire body once it relaxed at the sound of the door shutting. The image of her in just her towel would be seared into his brain forever. Christ, she was beautiful with her long legs and riotously curly hair. 

He rolled his eyes at himself. She’s sick and here ye are ogling over her. She doesna deserve your lechery. 

She came back into the bedroom as he just finished placing more supplies on her nightstand, and despite her bath, she still looked exhausted.

“Alright, lass, into bed with ye,” he ordered, guiding her gently to the bed, letting her climb in before moving to tuck her snuggly under the covers. 

A small sigh escaped her lips as her head burrowed into her pillow, eyes closing, a curl falling over her face. Before he knew what he was doing, Jamie found himself gently brushing the curl off of her face, his fingers grazing lightly over her forehead. At his touch, Claire opened her eyes and gave him a small smile, which caused his heart to beat just a bit faster than normal. 

After making sure Claire was tucked into bed, surrounded by everything she might need, should she wake up in the middle of the night, Jamie walked back to the living room to make camp for the night. The couch was plenty comfortable, if a bit short for him, but after spending the day taking care of Claire, laying down and letting his own body rest felt like the most luxurious thing in the world. He didn’t remember drifting off, but was awoken just a couple of hours later by Claire’s coughing coming from the bedroom. Her cough sounded worse than it had been earlier, and he moved quickly to check on her, grabbing the cough syrup he purchased at the shops before heading into her bedroom.

“Sassenach, lass, ye don’t sound well. What do ye need?”

She looked up at him, exhaustion evident in her eyes, sickness in every line of her face. 

“Juice please, and I’ll have some of that cough syrup you are holding,” she rasped. 

Jamie went to grab a glass of juice from the kitchen, returning to find Claire now seated, her back resting against the headboard, tears flowing down her cheeks. She swiped at them quickly, attempting to hide them from Jamie as he set her juice down on the nightstand. 

“Sorry. I’m just very tired, and my exhaustion makes me cry.”

“Claire, ye have nothing tae apologize for. Ye’re sick. Now, drink some juice and try tae get some more sleep. I’ll be on the couch if ye need me.”

He turned to leave the room, but stopped when Claire’s voice croaked his name. 

“Would you lay here with me for a while? You can distract me from the throbbing in my head while I try to get back to sleep.”

Jamie looked at her drawn face and knew that he would never deny her anything, even if it meant risking getting sick himself. At this point, he had spent the entire day in her presence. If he was going to catch this flu bug as well, he didn’t think laying next to her would make much of a difference. 

He climbed onto the bed next to her, and they both settled themselves under the covers, Claire laying on her side and burrowing deeply into her pillow. She let out a tiny sigh as she closed her eyes. 

“Thank you for helping me today, Jamie,” she whispered. “I know I’m not the easiest person to help, but it really means a lot to me that you stayed.”

“It’s the least I could do, Sassenach. Ye deserve someone tae care for ye always, and I am glad ye let me be the one tae do it today.”

“I hope I can return the favor someday.”

“Ooch, ‘tis not a favor, me being here.”

“But still.” Her voice was getting heavier with sleep, and she shifted closer to him, his warmth, as sleep embraced her. 

Jamie laid on his back, listening to her congested snores, her head nearly resting on his shoulder. He could feel the heat of her fever still radiating off of her body, and tried not to let himself worry about what would happen if her fever didn’t break soon. Before long he felt his own eyes droop, and a deep sleep overtook him. 

— 

The sunlight streaming in through the windows suggested to Claire that it was morning, as her eyes snapped back shut against the too-bright light. She still felt horrible; congested and aching. She snuggled in closer to Jamie’s chest, noting his arm around her waist, all before her eyes flew back open, her sick-addled brain only just processing that her pillow was a red-headed giant. A very warm, very comfortable one at that. 

She stared at Jamie’s face, which looked peaceful and at ease, while slowly remembering that she had asked him to stay with her at some point in the middle of the night. He was a marvel, anticipating her every need over the last day, doing all that he could to make her feel comfortable and cared for. Despite his insistence that he wanted to be here helping, she couldn’t avoid still feeling guilty that he would be late to his family’s Christmas celebrations. And she couldn’t help but feel a bit selfish and disappointed that in just a few hours he would be leaving her so he could go spend the holiday with the people he loved. She was supposed to be at the hospital later today for her shift, and then would spend Christmas Day not with Joe and Gail, but alone, so as to not risk getting them sick.

With a sigh, she slowly extracted herself from their unintentional, cozy cocoon, and shuffled her way to the bathroom. She was still dizzy and could tell that her body was still fevered, and as she splashed cold water on her face, all she wanted to was to go back to bed and curl up next to Jamie. She braved a glance in the mirror, only to be shocked at how pale and drawn her face was, except for her bright red nose, rubbed raw from all of the tissues. It was going to take a significant amount of makeup to hide those dark circles under her eyes and to make her look like she wasn’t half dead. 

Claire left the bathroom to find Jamie sitting up in bed, wiping the sleep from his eyes, his hair delightfully disheveled. 

“Morning, Sassenach. Happy Christmas Eve,” he greeted her. “How are ye feeling?”

“Like moldy tripe,” she sighed, going to her closet to find something to wear to work. 

“Going somewhere, lass?” Jamie asked as she laid a pair of black trousers and a red sweater on the bed.

“I have a shift at the hospital this afternoon,” she told him, refusing to make eye contact with him. 

“Claire, ye most likely have the flu. Dinna ye think that ye should maybe call in sick?” 

Claire turned to look at him, not overly surprised to find him staring at her with a slight look of bewilderment on his face at the idea that she actually planned to go to work. She was way too sick to properly appreciate how gorgeous he looked, sleep-rumpled in her bed, the sunlight casting the perfect amount of shadow across his chiseled face. But she wasn’t dead, and before responding to his annoyingly valid question, she let herself take just a small moment to revel in his beauty. 

“Sassenach?” Jamie prompted, causing her to pull out of her momentary reverie and finally make eye contact with him.

“People are depending on me to be there. Calling out sick right before my shift is irresponsible, especially on Christmas Eve when we will be with a skeleton staff,” she answered simply. 

“Do ye think you will be of much use tae them if you are at the hospital, spreading yer germs, barely able to stand while tending to yer patients?” 

She knew he was right. It was obviously laughable to even think of going into the hospital in her condition, but it was the only way her sick-addled mind could think to distract herself from Jamie leaving her in just a few hours, and spending her Christmas alone.

Jamie watched as Claire left the closet and walked back over to the bed, climbing back under the covers, grabbing her phone. 

“You’re right,” she said to him as she typed out a text, presumably to let her boss know that she was ill. 

While she did that, Jamie tidied up her nightstand, checking to make sure she still had enough tissues while removing the trash that had accumulated throughout the night. Once he was done, he glanced down to see that their contented silence was because Claire once again dozing. He smiled, glad she had decided to stay home and that she would be able to get the rest she needed. She really hadn’t put up much of a fight, again suggesting that she was feeling much worse than she was willing to admit. 

Assuming she was sleeping, he was momentarily startled when she whispered, “What time is your train?”

His train? What was she even talking about? He had decided last night that Claire was much too sick for him to leave her on her own for the next fewdays, plus, he didn’t want to expose his family to whatever flu bug this might be. It might be helpful if he told her that though, he realized. 

“Ooch, I decided I am going tae stay here for Christmas. I let my family know after ye fell asleep last night.”

Despite looking like death warmed over, Claire’s eyes snapped to attention at this information, flashing with that surge of stubbornness he had come to love. 

“Jamie,” she started, her voice firm but heavy with fatigue. “I will not be the reason you miss your family Christmas. You have gotten me all of the supplies I need, and have seen me through the worst of it probably. You deserve a better holiday than sitting here with miserable, sick me.”

Jamie had to refrain from rolling his eyes. “Claire. I’m staying. Even if ye dinna want me tae keep ye company, I’ll just go back tae my apartment down the hall and come check on ye every few hours. But it would be easier if ye just let me stay here with ye and look after ye properly. There is no one else I would rather spend the holiday with.”

Claire tried valiantly to keep the stony resolve on her face, but she was just too tired to argue with Jamie about it more. At this point, she wasn’t even really sure why she was being so stubborn about him staying. It was in her nature to bristle against offers of help, but he was doing exactly what she would have done if their situations were reversed. And she liked having him here. She had never felt so cared for, so safe, than she had since he showed up at her door yesterday. She wanted to spend Christmas with him, and, despite her outward bristling, was inwardly delighted that he was going to stay.

“Fine,” Claire conceded. “But don’t blame me if you get sick too.”

“I wouldna dream of it, Sassenach,” Jamie smiled, tucking the blankets tighter around her body. “Now close yer eyes and let me go get ye something tae eat.”

Chapter Text

After making Claire eat a small breakfast of saltines and apple juice, Jamie headed back to his apartment to take a shower and check on Adso while Claire took a nap. When she woke up on the couch some time later, she momentarily thought she was hallucinating when she saw Jamie sitting in the chair next to her, a ball of yarn in his lap and knitting needles cheerfully clicking away in his hands. 

“You know how to knit?” she asked, startling him out of an apparent knitting trance. 

“I’m a Scot born in the Highlands, Sassenach. Of course I ken how tae knit,” he answered with a smile.

“What are you making?” 

“This here is going tae be a wee hat for Jenny’s next bairn.”

Claire smiled, a warm feeling coming over her, having nothing to do with her fever. Before she had the chance to respond, she was distracted by Adso walking into the room and jumping onto the couch next to her. 

“And how exactly did you get in here, young man?” she teasingly asked the cat, petting him as he curled up into a ball on top of her. 

“Weel Sassenach, when I went home earlier, Adso here told me that he was sad that you and him werena going tae be able tae spend the holidays together as planned, and it was such a sad tale that I decided the least I could do was bring him over tae see ye for a while.” 

“What a sweet boy,” Claired cooed at Adso, rubbing his ears and eliciting a contented purr from him. 

Jamie watched Claire with Adso, his heart fit to burst at how fate had conspired to let them spend this time together. He hated more than anything that she was sick, but getting to care for her, and her own willingness to let him, was a rare gift.  

“How are ye feeling, Sassenach?” He asked, looking at her while continuing to deftly maneuver his knitting needles. 

“No better, no worse. I am hoping I am through the worst of it, though I still have a fever, and the mere idea of food makes me nauseous,” she replied, continuing to gently stroke Adso’s back.

“What?!? Ye mean tae tell me that ye willna be preparing me a traditional Christmas feast with all the trimmings tomorrow? What kind of host are ye?” He teased, making a small smile appear on her lips. 

“Afraid not, lad. I hope you like dry toast and juice,” Claire replied, her eyes drifting closed, as a contented silence fell between them. 

Jamie kept knitting, letting himself get lost in his thoughts. He would miss his family tomorrow, especially the bairns, and all of their usual Christmas traditions. But he was not mad about getting to spend the day with Claire, even if he wished for it to be because she wanted him there, not because she needed him there. Instead of the chaotic, boisterous celebrations at Lallybroch, Christmas this year would be quiet and relaxing. Jamie found he didn’t mind that prospect, especially after how stressful and demanding work had been throughout December. He had worked extra long hours leading up to Christmas, just so he could take some extended time off to go home. 

The holiday shoppers were ruthless; messing up his orderly displays, arguing about prices, and impatient to be helped. Despite loving his job and getting to share his passion for books and reading with the masses, the non-stop stream of demanding customers and holiday consumerism often left him feeling burnt out by the time the actual holiday arrived. Jamie could always count on Lallybroch - with its festive decorations, excited bairns, and comforts of home - to revive his holiday spirit. But this year, he saw it as his mission to make sure that Claire enjoyed the day, sick or not. It would be quiet and cozy with just the two of them, but to his mind, that sounded just like what they both needed.

He stole another glance at Claire, who had dozed off with Adso still sleeping atop her chest, her hand resting gently on his back. He couldn’t deny how much he cared about her; how much he wanted her to be a part of his life. It was increasingly hard for him to deny his feelings, let alone to keep them from spilling out of him every time he looked at her. As he watched her sleep with Adso, he couldn’t help but hope that all of his future Christmas Eves would bring him this much peace and happiness.

—

Christmas Eve passed quietly, with Claire spending most of the day asleep and Jamie keeping a watchful eye on her while he read, knitted, and tended the house. It was early evening when he heard Claire groan loudly from her bedroom, which sent him running to her side.

He found her awake and sitting upright, rubbing her hands over her face.

“What was that groan, Sassenach? Are ye worse?” 

“It was the groan of someone who has spent most of the last day and a half laying in bed, sick, and not moving. My body is sore and cranky,” she sighed in frustration.

“I’m sorry, lass. Ye need yer rest though, and ye canna be moving about with a fever,” Jamie said. 

Claire huffed in annoyance at that, throwing the blankets back and swinging her legs down to the floor. 

“What are ye doing, Sassenach?”

“Let’s go for a walk.”

“Claire, are ye insane? Ye’re sick and it’s barely above freezing outside with nasty winds. We are not going for a walk.”

Claire stared intently at Jamie. Or at least she hoped it was intently; she could only muster so much energy to be annoyed with him right now. The look on his face was one of deep skepticism, which only spurred her on more, even though she was so tired. 

“Fine, we won’t go outside. But can we at least, I don’t know, walk up and down the hallway a few times?”

Jamie sighed, taking in the look of desperation on her face. It was impossible to deny her anything, though even walking up and down the hallway seemed like it might push her too hard, too fast. But she was stubborn, and the least he could do was respect the fact that she knew herself and her body, and even if she was pushing it, he would be right beside her if she needed him. 

“Fine, Sassenach. But for no more than ten minutes, and we will come back sooner than that if ye are struggling too much.”

Claire gave him a bright, glassy-eyed smile as she grabbed her bathrobe and pulled on her coo slippers. She did not have enough energy to care if she was presentable to any of the neighbors they might run into. It was Christmas Eve, anyways, so the odds of seeing someone were small at best. 

After Jamie slipped on his sneakers, they made their way into the hallway, slowly walking down the long corridor. Claire was moving slowly , her feet all but shuffling along the hardwood floor, but there was a look of determination in her eyes. Jamie walked beside her, watching mindfully for any signs of unsteadiness, ready to steer her home the moment she started to struggle. They walked in companionable silence for a few moments before Jamie started rating the various holiday decorations on their neighbors’ doors. 

Claire was laughing at Jamie’s door commentary as they turned to walk another lap down the hallway when a sudden, crushing wave of dizziness washed over her. She instinctively reached for Jamie’s arm to steady herself, as she closed her eyes and tried to breathe through it. Jamie’s arms wrapped around her tightly, and she marveled that she could simultaneously feel so sick and so content. 

“Alright, Sassenach?” Jamie asked as she slowly extracted herself from his steady embrace. 

“Alright enough to walk back, I think, but it is time for me to get back to bed.”

“Aye, we are just a few doors away.”

Jamie slid his arm around Claire’s waist to provide her some extra support as she struggled to make it the last few steps to her apartment. Once inside, she collapsed on the couch, breathing heavily and looking completely spent. Jamie sat down next to her, pulling a blanket over her. 

“Do ye need anything, Sassenach?”

“I’m fine for now. Thanks for humoring me, Jamie. That was the most fun I’ve had in a few days. The bar was low, mind you, but it felt very good to spend just a few minutes vertical instead of horizontal,” Claire said sleepily. 

“Maybe once yer fever breaks and ye are all healed, we can go on a proper walk. Outside and everything. I can even take ye tae one of the Munros for a hike, if ye’d like.”

“Just as long as ye bring snacks,” Claire mumbled.

Jamie laughed at that, and before long, Claire was snoring softly, spent from their epic hallway adventure. 

—

Claire woke with a start in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and desperately thirsty. She felt impressively clear-headed and alert for someone who just a few hours ago was in a feverish haze and barely able to walk a few feet down the hallway. The sweat and the clarity indicated that her fever had broken, leaving her body achy and stuffy, but already feeling so much better. She was still on the couch, where she had all but passed out after she and Jamie went for the walk she’d demanded. Sitting up, she saw Jamie sleeping in the recliner, Adso curled up on his chest, both of them snoring softly. She smiled. Letting herself be taken care of did not come naturally, but Jamie’s own stubbornness and sense of chivalry were charming in a way that she found impossible to refuse. 

As quietly as she could, Claire stood up and went to the kitchen to find something to drink. She shook her head when she opened her refrigerator to find it packed full of food, which was far from its usually desolate offerings of old takeout and maybe expired condiments. Jamie had filled it with containers of homemade soup, an assortment of juices and ginger ale, and, to her amusement, what looked to be a large bowl of mashed potatoes. Grabbing some orange juice, she headed to her bedroom in desperate need of a shower and a fresh pair of pajamas. 

Once she was clean, Claire padded quietly back out to the living room to grab her phone, surprised to find Jamie awake and sleepily rubbing his eyes. 

“Jamie, did I wake you? I was trying hard not to make too much noise.”

“Nah, Sassenach. This wee gremlin decided it would be fun to wake me up so he could get some ear scritches, and who am I tae deny him?” Jamie yawned, gesturing to Adso, who was purring contentedly on Jamie’s lap. 

“He is quite the demanding one, isn’t he?” Claire asked, reaching to stroke the cat’s head. 

“Ye sound a bit better, Sassenach,” Jamie observed.

“My fever broke and I just took a shower, which, at this point, basically has left me feeling like I can conquer the world.”

“Let’s mebbe hold off on world domination for a few more days, lass, and just start with trying to keep down some buttered toast.”

Clarie rolled her eyes as she grabbed her phone off of the couch. “Why do you have a bowl of mashed potatoes in the refrigerator?” 

“Tis Christmas, tomorrow, Sassenach! I ken ye probably are nae feeling up to an entire Christmas feast, but the mashed potatoes are my favorite part and I thought mebbe yer stomach wouldna mind some warm, potatoey goodness.”

There was a slight blush creeping up Jamie’s face, perhaps a mix of excitement and embarrassment, that Claire found completely adorable.

“It just so happens that potatoey goodness is my favorite kind of goodness, so a heaping serving of mashed potatoes sounds like a perfect way to spend my Christmas.”

Claire suddenly swayed, and before she knew what was happening, Jamie leapt from the chair and wrapped his arms tightly around her. He was delightfully warm, and the heat radiated from him all through her body, imbuing her with his steady, gentle calmness. She didn’t think twice before burrowing her cheek against his chest, letting herself revel in how right it felt to be in his arms.

“Sassenach, are ye okay?” He whispered. She only then noticed that his heart was racing. She had scared him. 

“I’m fine. Just still very fatigued and weak. I should go lay down in bed and get some more sleep.” Claire whispered back, her cheek still resting on his chest; his arms still tight around her waist. 

“Let me walk ye there, lass. I can tuck ye in.”

They walked slowly down the hallway, Jamie’s hand placed gently on Claire’s lower back, just in case he needed to be ready again to steady her. Claire lumbered into her bed, curling up onto her side while Jamie straightened the blankets around her, pulling them snugly up to her chin.

“Do ye need anything else, Sassenach?”

Claire gave a contented exhale as her body relished the warmth and comfort of her bed. When she had moved to Edinbrugh, most of the furniture she bought for herself were used or cheap items - sufficient for a single woman who was hardly home to begin with. But she did indulge on her bed. A super comfortable mattress, luxurious blankets, and cloud soft pillows. At the end of long shifts or hard days at school, she was glad to have this cozy little place of her own, but she was pretty sure she had never been more grateful for it than she was in this moment. 

“Sassenach?” Jamie prompted again.

“I have everything I need. Thanks, Jamie.”

Jamie gave her a gentle kiss atop her head before he turned to leave.

“Jamie?” Claire called, pausing him at the door. 

“Aye, Sassenach?” Claire had pushed herself up to a seated position and was looking directly at him.

“Stay with me. The couch is too uncomfortable for someone as big as yourself, and the bed is big enough for us both.”

“I dinna ken, lass. I dinna want to slow yer recovery or interrupt yer rest.”

“Please. I already feel guilty enough that you have given up your Christmas to take care of me. I am going to feel even worse if you end up with a crick in your neck or a stiff back. Besides, you accidentally fell asleep in my bed last night, and we did just fine.”

Jamie hesitated. There was nothing in the world he wanted to do more than to sleep besides Claire once again. He had never felt as content as he did sleeping next to Claire the previous night. Her stuffy-nosed snoring and flailing limbs only made him lo…like her more. But he really didn’t want to slow her recovery. And he felt a bit guilty sleeping beside her knowing that he hadn’t shared his feelings about her with her just yet. But the hopeful look on her face was impossible to say no to. He could never, would never deny her. 

“Alright, Sassenach. Let me go get ready for bed and I’ll come sleep in here.”

Claire beamed as she laid back down and closed her eyes. 

By the time he was ready for bed, Claire had dozed off, leaving Jamie to ever so quietly ease himself into the bed, trying desperately not to disturb her. Just as he was drifting off himself, he felt Claire shift closer to him, her head landing on his shoulder, no doubt seeking out his warmth. Deciding not to overthink it, Jamie gently draped his arm around her, closed his eyes, and let sleep take him. 

—

Claire slowly drifted awake, aware that something was softly and repeatedly hitting her head. Without opening her eyes she reached up to find a ball of fluff in the form of Adso laying on her pillow, contentedly kneading his paws on her head. 

Still too sleepy to care, Claire snuggled in closer to the side of Jamie’s chest, his heartbeat and breathing both slow and steady. Yesterday morning, she had been quick to extract herself from this very situation, not wanting to fluster him, not wanting to let herself think too much about how she could get very used to waking up like this every day. But after several days of fighting off her illness and being stubborn towards Jamie’s help had left her tired and uninterested in doing anything but exactly what she wanted. So she was going to stay here, curled up against Jamie, for as long as she wanted. She was going to let herself feel safe and cared for, without letting her brain convince her that she did not deserve those things. 

—

Jamie’s eyes fluttered open when he felt Adso plop himself down on legs, purring happily. As he reached down to pet the wee cheetie, he was startled to realize that Claire was still sleeping right beside him - her head laying directly over his heart and her arm flung around his waist. While his brain hadn’t immediately processed that there was a gorgeous woman sleeping against him, his lower anatomy certainly had, creating a predicament Jamie should have seen coming.

Before he could save himself from embarrassment, he felt Claire stir beside him, exhaling deeply before lifting her head up to look at him. Between her rambunctious curls and sleep-flushed cheeks, he was a goner. 

“Good morning, Jamie. Happy Christmas,” she whispered, voice raspy and heavy with sleep.

“Happy Christmas, Sassenach. Not tae sound like a broken record, but how are ye feeling?”

Claire gave him a small smile before once again laying her head down against his chest. 

“I am feeling pretty good this morning, all things considered. Who knows what will happen when I attempt to stand up, but this is the best I’ve felt in a few days.”

“Glad tae hear it. Perhaps if ye are feeling well enough later, we can take a wee Christmas walk in the park this afternoon,” he suggested.

“Mmmm. I would like that. How else shall we spend our Christmas convalescence?” 

“Ach, I’m not convalescing, lass. That’s you. I’m just here tae make sure ye dinna accidentally do something stupid like go tae work and get everyone else sick,” Jamie teased. 

Claire lightly poked him in the side, and even though he couldn’t see her eyes, he did not doubt that they were rolling. 

“Why don’t we start with breakfast, Sassenach? And see how you are feeling with some food in yer belly. We can make a plan from there.”

“That sounds perfect.”

Neither of them made any effort to get up or move away from the other, letting Adso’s purrs lull them back into a contented silence. It was still dark outside, despite being nearly 8am. These were the darkest days of the year, but Claire emitted a light that, even in these dark hours, left Jamie blinded by its radiance. It was a perfect moment; one he would remember forever. And one he would regret not at least attempting to have everyday for the rest of his life. 

“Sassenach?” He tentatively asked.

“Hmm?” Claire hummed in response. 

“Do ye think, mebbe when ye are feeling better, and ye have a free evening, I could take ye out for dinner? On a date?”

Claire’s head shot up and she looked at him, no doubt noticing the blush moving up from his neck to his cheeks and ears. The few seconds it took her to respond were agonizing, regret at his forwardness flooding him. Maybe he could take it back. Probably too late for that. But hopefully she would let him down easily. He probably had missed read the situation. There was no way a woman as magnificent as Claire would be interested in him. They could still be friends, right? What if she never wanted to see him again? Why did he have to ask her on Christmas morning? They had to spend the day together and now it would be awkward because he couldn’t keep his gob closed. God she was so beautiful.  

“I think that can be arranged,” Claire said with a small smile, interrupting his spiraling thoughts of regret and panic. She quickly leaned up to kiss his cheek before extracting herself from the pile of blankets she was under,

Jamie laid in bed, mouth agape, watching as she headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. 

—

Once she was showered and dressed in a pair of fresh pajamas, Claire not only felt properly hungry for the first time in days, but also felt invigorated in her body and spirit as well. She made her way to the kitchen, where she heard Jamie tonelessly singing along with some Christmas music that was playing on the radio while he attentively stirred something on her stovetop. As his back was to her, she had few moments just to observe him. He was barefoot, despite the cold, and was wearing gray joggers and what looked to be a festive Christmas jumper. Something felt so right about how he effortlessly moved around her kitchen, and Clarie knew that despite the healing powers of a hot shower, most of the reason she was feeling so energized was because of this man. This man who had spent the last several days so selflessly, so stubbornly taking care of her. This man who challenged her and made her laugh. This man who understood her complexities and held them, held her, with gentleness and care. 

When she had moved to Scotland over the summer, Claire was unsure if there was anything left of her heart after the years of abuse and manipulation she endured from Frank. So, despite feeling an almost instant connection with Jamie, she knew her heart was too bruised and too callused to pursue anything but friendship with him. Besides, why would he ever want someone so broken? And yet, over time, as their friendship grew, as Claire slowly began to find peace and steadiness in Scotland, Claire could feel her heart slowly healing. It was the small things that were the strongest salves - navigating to the grocery store without needing directions, being recognized as a regular at her favorite coffeeshop, how Jamie always had the brightest smile on his face whenever he saw her…Part of her thought she was just being foolish. Just because she moved to a new city didn’t make her a different person. The person too focused on her career. The person too stubborn, too headstrong, too opinionated. The person too weak and too cowardly, who’d let Frank abuse and manipulate her for years. She was still all of those things, and it was silly of her to think that less than six months in Scotland had transformed her into anything but a less defeated version of who she had always been. 

After spending so many years hiding her emotions from herself, letting her own feelings and desires take a backseat to those of Frank, Claire wasn’t sure if she could trust her own instincts with Jamie. But when he had asked her out on a date that morning, Claire decided that she could no longer deny herself what she wanted, and what she wanted was Jamie. Maybe she wasn’t ready. Maybe she would learn all over again that she was fundamentally unlovable. But something about Jamie felt inevitable and worth the risk. So she said yes, feeling both exhilarated and terrified at indulging her own desires against her better judgment. 

Claire was so lost in her own thoughts that she must have not heard Jamie call her name, as he was now standing in front of her with a concerned look on his face.

“Are ye alright, Sassenach? I called yer name three times only tae find ye standing right behind me with a worried look on yer face,” he asked, smoothing her wrinkled brow with his fingertips, which magically soothed the anxiety building in her body. No one’s touch had ever had such a calming, steadying effect on her, while also simultaneously making her heart race with desire. 

“I’m okay, just lost in my own thoughts for a second,” Claire smiled up at him. “What’s for breakfast? It smells delicious.”

“Well, normally on Christmas morning, I would have made ye a full Scottish breakfast, with all the fixings, but I am guessing ye might not yet want to tempt your stomach with haggis and the like, so we are having my all-time favorite breakfast of parritch with fruit and honey.”

“Parritich? Oh, you mean porridge,” Claire chuckled. 

Jamie snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yes, porridge tae ye and yer English brethren, I suppose. But ye willna hear me calling it that again, lass.”

“Certainly not. I wouldn’t want you to lose your Scottish credibility.”

Jamie pulled some bowls out of the cupboard and ladled in a heaping quantity of steaming hot porridge into a bowl for her. On the counter, he had already laid out an assortment of potential toppings - berries, bananas, sliced nuts, honey, and even chocolate chips. Despite being famished, Claire was uncertain how her stomach would handle too much adventure just yet, so she settled for just adding bananas and honey to her bowl while watching Jamie load his up with plenty of all of the toppings. 

Even though she had a perfectly functional kitchen table, Claire headed to the couch with her bowl of porridge, draping a blanket over her lap as she curled into her favorite corner spot. Jamie soon followed, bringing her both a glass of water and a glass of juice, still making sure she was properly hydrated. 

They ate in contented silence, enjoying the soft glow of the Christmas tree and the holiday music still playing on the radio. Adso joined them, settling on a blanket in between them, purring softly when Claire gently stroked his head. 

A sudden, incessant vibrating sound pulled Claire out of her reverie, as she looked around for whatever was making the noise. 

“Ach, it’s my phone, Sassenach. I made Jenny promise she would have the bairns call me this morning to wish them a Happy Christmas,” Jamie told her as he grabbed his phone off of the end table, swiping open the video call to answer. 

“HAPPY CHRISTMAS, UNCLE JAIME!” came a loud shout of excited, happy voices.

Jamie smiled, and Claire marveled at how he switched into full uncle mode as he started asking the children all about what Santa brought them and if they let their mom and dad sleep in at all this morning. 

Not wanting to intrude on his family moment, Claire picked up their bowls and headed into the kitchen to clean up their breakfast mess. The porridge was sitting surprisingly well in her stomach, and with a solid breakfast in her, she felt more energy than she had in days. Still tired and fatigued, but much more hopeful that the worst of it was behind her. 

Jamie talked animatedly with the kids and then Jenny and Ian for a while, chatting about nothing too important, but just enjoying this time with his family, grateful that they had the technology to stay connected when they couldn’t all be together. 

“Uncle Jamie! When are ye gonna come bring us our presents?” An eager voice suddenly inquired.

“Maggie! It is rude tae ask such a question,” Jenny’s voice scolded. “Besides, we already told ye that yer uncle will be here for Hogmanay.” 

Jamie chuckled. “Aye, lass, I will be there in a few days and I promise tae bring yer gifts then.”

“But whhhhy couldn’t ye bring them tooodayyyy?” Maggie whined. 

“As I told ye, I had to stay in Edinburgh to help take care of a friend who got sick. ‘Tis important tae take care of our friends, right?”

“It is,” Maggie replied grudgingly, “but I dinna see any friends by ye right now, Uncle Jamie, does that mean ye can still come today?”

“Afraid not, lass. I am still with my friend, who is feeling better but is not quite recovered just yet. Would ye like to meet her?”

“YES!” Shouted Maggie.

A rush of panic swept through Claire. She was hardly presentable to meet Jamie’s family, in her Christmas pajamas with the dark circles under her eyes and deathlike pallor of her skin. Sure it was the most put together she had looked in days, but she wanted to make a good impression on Jamie’s family, especially his sister, who Jamie had mentioned was notoriously suspicious and critical of newcomers to their family unit. 

Jamie turned to Claire, about to ask her to come join him on the couch to meet his family, but the look on her face (surely a mix of anxious and panicked) must have given her away.

“Och, sorry. Claire just went tae take a shower. You will have tae meet her a different time,” Jamie quickly lied, “But ye havena wished Adso a Happy Christmas yet, and he is sitting right here waiting tae see ye lot.”

Jamie angled his phone down to where Adso was still happily napping on the blanket right next to him, and the children gave screams of delight when they saw the cat. 

Claire exhaled and felt her body relax as Jamie continued to talk with his family for a few more minutes, before ending the call and standing up to walk over to where Claire was in the kitchen.

“Ye alright, Sassenach?” He asked, looking at her with a mix of concern and curiosity lining his face. 

“I…um…yes,” Claire answered. “I do want to meet your family, Jamie. I just want to make a better impression than the pale, sickly one I would give today.”

“Fair enough, but for what it’s worth, Sassenach, ye still look stunning despite being under the weather.”

Claire felt her face flush his comment, but decided it was best to brush it off for now.

“So, it sounds like your niece and nephew are quite happy with their gifts this year,” Claire said, redirecting the conversations.

“I think when ye are that age, it’s pretty hard to be disappointed by yer Christmas gift. Ye get swept up in the excitement of the day, and every gift seems to be the best gift ever.”

“True, though I never really had that experience as a kid. Uncle Lamb and I were so often abroad, celebrating Christmas at some dig site or another. He always made sure to have a few small gifts for me, but it wasn’t like the epic Christmas celebrations that I later learned about.”

“Well, tis much more important that ye and yer uncle got tae spend those times together, Sassenach. Those memories must be far more special than whatever gifts he gave ye. At least that is how I feel about my Christmases as a kid now that my parents are gone.”

“I couldn’t agree more, though it is tradition to give gifts on Christmas, and I wish I had something to give you today, especially after all of your help these last few days.”

“Dinna fash, Sassenach. Though, I mebbe have one small gift for ye.”

Jamie walked over to the Christmas tree, where Claire only just noticed a small, squishy looking package wrapped in…

“Jamie, is that Bluey wrapping paper?” Claire asked, not able to keep the smile off of her face.

“Aye. I ran out of my other paper and all I had left was the paper I used tae wrap gifts for the bairns in.”

Jamie handed the gift to Claire, who took it and went to sit down on the couch to open it. She tore into it, finding a soft tartan shawl.

“Jamie, this is beautiful, and it looks so warm and cozy,” Claire smiled, unfurling it before hugging it to her chest. 

“Well, ye are officially a resident of Scotland now, Sassenach, and I thought ye might appreciate a tartan of yer own to help keep ye warm.”

“I love it. Thank you.” Claire stood up and gave him a hug, wrapping her arms around him tightly as he did the same to her. 

“Happy Christmas, Sassenach,” Jamie whispered into her ear. 

—

The rest of the day was spent simply enjoying one another’s company, playing board games, doing a coo-themed puzzle, and just talking. Claire was unsurprised to learn that Jamie had a competitive streak when he grew increasingly frustrated when she won three Cluedo games in a row. Meanwhile, Jamie was able to show off his puzzling prowess, which deeply impressed Claire, whose own impatience got in the way when trying to put a puzzle together.

Claire really was feeling so much better, though she still did not have much of an appetite when dinner came around. She only managed a small bowl of Jamie’s homemade chicken noodle soup and a few bites of the mashed potatoes Jamie had made. He, meanwhile, ate almost all of the remaining potatoes, along with helping himself to whatever else he had stocked for her in her refrigerator.  

By 7pm, Claire was ready for bed, hoping that another night of good sleep would help her shake the last of this flu bug. Claire excused herself to get ready for bed, and when she returned to her bedroom, she was delightfully surprised to see Jamie, in his pajamas, sitting atop of her bed waiting for her. 

“If ye are up to it, Sassenach, tis a Fraser family tradition tae watch Scrooge on Christmas. My mam and da always had it on, and now Jenny and I like tae carry on the tradition. Wouldna be Christmas without it,” Jamie said, with a hint of nostalgia in his voice. 

Claire smiled and then let out a huge yawn. “I would love to watch with you Jamie, but can we do it from bed? I can’t make any promises that I will be able to stay awake for the entire thing, but I’ll give it my best attempt.”

Jamie found the movie on one of the streaming services, and they both snuggled underneath the covers before he pressed play. 

It had been one of the best Christmases of his life, Jamie thought as he felt Claire unintentionally shift closer to him, no doubt in search of his body heat. She was feeling well enough that he suspected she would send him home tomorrow, which he was loath to do. He knew well enough that she was on the mend and didn’t need his around-the-clock assistance anymore. But somewhere in the last three days, they had moved past the point of simple friendship into something…more. Something that, he realized, that his heart had known for weeks, if not months. He was falling in love with Claire Beauchamp.   

Chapter Text

Claire groaned with appreciation as she sat down in the breakroom. She was five hours into her twelve hour shift at the hospital and there had hardly been a moment to breathe, let alone sit, since she clocked in. It was just her luck. She heard from her colleagues that the Christmas Eve shift she called out sick from was the quietest the hospital had seen in recent years. So it only made sense that the New Year’s Eve nightshift, which she was healthy enough to work, was unmitigated chaos. It was nothing terrible, just a continuous stream of things, leaving her scrambling from one patient to the next to make sure everything and everyone was taken care of. 

She had never been more grateful for the quiet of the breakroom or the rejuvenating powers of a cup of strong, hot coffee. Despite feeling all but recovered from her bout with the flu, this was her first overnight shift since before she got sick, and she was unsure of how she would hold up, especially given how hectic the start of the night had been. Momentarily, she let her mind wander to her bed. Her plush pillows and thick duvet would be waiting for her the moment she got home. So would Adso, she remembered with a smile. 

Claire had sent Jamie back to his apartment on Boxing Day, feeling well enough to take care of herself and impossibly guilty that she was the reason he missed Christmas with his family. No matter how much he insisted that there was no other place he wanted to be, and no matter how grateful she was that he had cared for her so fastidiously, Claire struggled to believe she deserved such kindness. She let her guard down, and no matter how good it felt in the moment, now that she was thinking coherently, she felt selfish and consumed with guilt. And she missed Jamie. Missed his presence, his laughter, his ineffable kindness. And despite trying not to think about it, she also missed how safe she felt when she woke up with him sleeping next to her. How her body curled into his, flushing with his radiant warmth. How his heartbeat steadily comforted her when she laid her head upon his chest. How his arm draped snugly across her waist soothed her fevered, aching body with his own. 

Claire sighed and shook her head, wishing she knew what to do. It was impossible to deny she had serious feelings for Jamie. And her normal defense mechanisms when it came to dealing with complicated feelings - compartmentalizing, building walls, and throwing herself into school and work - were proving ineffective. Jamie had checked on her regularly the last several days, stopping by to make sure she remained on the mend. And even though he had left for Lallybroch two days ago to spend Hogmanay with his family, they texted frequently; Jamie sharing funny stories about his niece and nephew, and Claire sending him pictures of Adso, whom she was taking care of while Jamie was away. But she still missed him. Still longed for his presence and the way her heart leapt with excitement every time she glimpsed him. 

The irrational part of Claire’s brain believed she was better off alone. She had always been fiercely independent, and when she finally let Frank in, she was inundated with messages of how unloveable she was, how undeserving of love. Rationally, she knew it was Frank who was unloveable, but as a result of his abuse, Claire was left scared and wanting to protect her heart. And then along came Jamie. Seemingly perfect for her. Accepting and appreciating her flaws. Their individual imperfections and fears compatible in ways that allowed them to support one another without judgment. She knew she wanted him physically. And based on their few snuggle sessions while she was sick, she knew clearly that he wanted her as well. But she wasn’t sure if she was ready for more. If she ever would be again. And Jamie didn’t deserve her trepidation nor her indecision. 

More than once, she considered telling him it had been a mistake to say yes to going on a date, worried that he would too quickly grow impatient with how slowly she wanted to move. But she was selfish. She wanted to spend time with him. Wanted him to be the one she took a risk with. So despite her reservations, and her worries of stringing him along, she refused to deny herself the chance to go on a date with him. 

Claire sighed as she glanced at the clock. Her break would be over in just a few more minutes and she would get to leave these spiraling thoughts behind in the breakroom. Quickly chugging the rest of her coffee, she stood up and headed back to work, resolutely putting thoughts of Jamie and her feelings for him out of her mind for the rest of her shift.

—  

Jamie groaned with appreciation as he sat down on the couch in the Lallybroch living room. The Hogmanay party was in full swing, with nearly one hundred people dressed in their finest in attendance, an excited hum buzzing throughout the room. Jamie had just been out on the dance floor with wee Jamie and Maggie, along with a dozen other bairns, taking turns to swing each of them around and keeping them laughing with his ridiculous, uncoordinated dance moves. He finally managed to sneak away when Ian came to his rescue, showing the bairns his own prodigious dance moves that came with having a prosthetic leg. 

Seven years ago, Ian had been in a terrible car crash that resulted in his right leg needing to be amputated below the knee. Jenny and Ian had already been dating, but the accident accelerated their relationship, Jenny at his side for every doctor’s appointment, every physical therapy session, and through every emotional breakdown. Jamie was awed by both of them - Jenny for her steadfast, stubborn love; Ian for his resolve and commitment to remain the joy-filled, spirited person he always was, despite it all. When Jenny and Ian got married five years ago, Jamie all but bawled his way through his best man's toast, unable to contain his admiration of and gratitude for them both. That they were his only remaining close family members was not lost on him, both a fragile and beautiful reminder of how time gives way to hope and longing in perpetuity. 

His musings were interrupted as Jenny joined him on the couch, glowing in a gold sequined dress with long sleeves and a hem that hit just above her knees. She was five months pregnant with his third niece or nephew, and Jamie was marveled by her energy these last few days as they got ready to host their biggest Hogmanay party yet. Sure, he was often intimidated by and annoyed with his nosy, pushy big sister, but time and circumstance helped him see that the things that frustrated him most about his sister as a young lad were the things he and their family needed the most. She was protective of those she held close, and willing to do anything to make sure those she loved were safe and happy. Jamie was so happy to have her in his corner. Most of the time. 

“Ye look happier than ye have these last few days, brother,” Jenny said by way of greeting, “Has the party sufficiently distracted ye from brooding over yer sassenach lass?”

Jamie scoffed at the question. He was not brooding. Pining, maybe. But certainly not brooding.  

Despite not getting an answer to her question, Jenny pressed on. “Ye ken ye could have invited her tae come with ye, Jamie. We would love tae meet the woman ye have become so smitten with.”

“And expose her tae yer interrogations before we have even gone on a date?” Jamie asked her pointedly. “Besides, I already told ye that she had tae work tonight. And I dinna even ken if she would have wanted to. She shooed me away pretty quick after she was well enough tae do so.”

Jamie knew that Claire, so fiercely committed to not having to rely on anyone else, felt guilty for keeping him away from his family for Christmas. It seemed like no matter how many reassurances he could give her, she just would not be convinced that she was worth the missed time with his family and the risk of illness himself. Nonetheless, it still stung when she all but pushed him out the door on Boxing Day, telling him she didn’t need him anymore. Since then, they had texted a fair amount, and he saw her when he dropped off Adso, but the ease that was between them while they were holed up for Christmas seemed to have disappeared. He missed her, and wished that she was here with him to welcome in the new year. 

More than anything, he hoped that she was still willing to go on a date with him once he was back in Edinburgh. She had been so quick to say ‘yes’ when he asked her on Christmas morning, and he was worried that she would find a way to talk herself out of going, probably trying to convince him that she wasn’t worth the effort. But she was. He knew from the moment they met that she was worth it. Jamie was committed to proving that to her, and despite her obstinance, he knew that she was slowly coming to see what he saw: a woman beyond worthy of  being cherished.

Jenny tsked at him, and his misery, and Jamie didn’t need to look at her to know she was rolling her eyes at him. 

“Brother, ye ken yer allowed tae be happy, right? This is the first time since da died that I have seen ye light up with joy when ye talk about something. We have been through sae much heartbreak, and have lost sae much, and I ken ye are afraid of risking yer heart, only tae have it broken again, but ye canna live afraid. Let yer heart take a risk and tell her how ye feel.”

Before he had a chance to respond, Jenny got up, placed a kiss on the top of his head, and went to join Ian and the bairns on the dance floor. 

Jamie knew what his sister told him was the truth. The irrational part of his brain believed that everyone he loved would suffer a terrible fate, leave him, or both, breaking his increasingly fragile heart into smaller and smaller pieces, incapable of being put back together again. It was easy enough to keep most people at a friendly distance. But Claire…she had unknowingly found her way to his heart, and her very presence in his life had become a salve to his wearied existence. He wanted her, that he knew. And despite the walls she had built around herself, he suspected that she wanted him as well. But could both of them be brave enough to let the other hold their fragile hearts?

Jamie sighed as he glanced at the time on his phone. It was only fifteen minutes until midnight. They would end the year by singing Auld Lang Syne, reflecting on all that allowed them to be here and together in this moment, before the bells would ring in the new year and they would celebrate the hope of the year to come with the traditional first-footing. But starting the new year without Claire by his side left Jamie feeling unmoored. How could he start the year without the woman who made the last half of this year the best months of his life in recent memory? She had shaken his life out of its stupor, and the only thing he knew for certain about the year to come was that, so long as Claire was in his life, he would be well pleased with the world. 

But Claire wasn’t here now, so Jamie stood up and put a smile on his face as he walked over to Jenny, Ian, and the bairns to greet the new year with his family. 

—  

Jamie was laying in bed, unable to sleep, despite being nearly 3am. After he welcomed the new year by giving each of the bairns and Jenny a kiss on the cheek, and Ian a bear hug, Jamie quickly extracted himself from the party just after the first-footing was completed. He was tired and wanted to be alone, so he made his way to his childhood bedroom, ready to sleep. Or so he thought. Instead, he was restless in body and mind, unable to get comfortable and unable to stop his brain from thinking about Claire. She welcomed the new year at the hospital, at work, probably not even noticing when one year passed into the next. And, he intuitied from the text messages they exchanged, she would be spending the first day of the new year alone, recovering from her shift. He let out a frustrated sigh, knowing what he wanted to do, what he needed to do. 

Without letting himself stop to overthink his decision, Jamie quickly grabbed his phone and his wallet before pulling on his boots and his jacket over his pajamas. Quietly, he made his way downstairs toward the small end table in the kitchen that Jenny and Ian always tossed their car key on when they entered the house. He had come to Lallybroch by train, and there would obviously be no trains running at this time of night. But Jenny and Ian had an extra truck that they used around the farm that he was sure they wouldn’t miss for a few days. It was an old clunker that was more trouble than it was worth, anyways, according to Ian. 

Jamie grabbed the truck keys off of the table, turning to head out the back door, only to find Ian leaning against the kitchen counter, a huge grin on his face.

“Christ, Ian, yer scared the living daylights out of me,” Jamie startled.

“Well mebbe if ye werena sneaking around in the middle of the night, apparently trying to steal one of our cars, ye would be less jumpy, lad,” Ian teased. 

Jamie rolled his eyes, saying nothing. 

“And where do ye think yer going at this hour, young man?” Ian asked, sounding every bit like the father he was. 

“I’m going back tae Edinburgh, if ye must ken,” Jamie said, knowing he would have to tell them at some point that he borrowed their truck and why he left in the middle of the night with no explanation. He was going to text them in the morning, promising that he would return the truck in the next few days and hope that their teasing wouldn’t be as merciless as he was anticipating.

“And why are ye suddenly sae eager to get home to Edinburgh?” Ian asked, the grin on his face suggesting that he already knew the answer. 

“I miss my cat,” Jamie said with a straight face. 

“And it just sae happens that yer cat is at Claire’s house, so ye will have tae see her too. What a happy coincidence.”

“Indeed. I guess I will have tae see her too. Wish her a Happy New Year and all that,” Jamie fake lamented. 

“Go, Jamie. Get your lass,” Ian said with a smile. “I’m happy for you. And ye better return that truck with a full tank of petrol.”

Jamie went to give Ian a quick hug, promising he would return the truck soon, full tank and all. Once he was on the road, with only the bright headlights of the truck and the sparkling stars as company, Jamie knew he made the right choice, even as his heart raced at how Claire would react to his sudden presence. 

—

Claire inhaled deeply as she walked out of the hospital into the cold, fresh air of the Scottish winter. It was just after 6:30am, and the sky was clear, save for the waning crescent moon. It was also still pitch black outside, with the sun not rising this time of year until nearly 9am. Claire felt momentarily refreshed as she walked home in the dark morning, her body and mind invigorated by the cold air moving through her lungs after spending twelve straight hours in the recycled air of the hospital. The rest of her shift had left her exhausted, having not even noticed the start of the new year until nearly two hours after the fact, when a fellow nurse wished her a Happy New Year. As she walked home, Claire thought about how strange it was to welcome the new year alone. She hadn’t done so in a very long time, and it was exhilarating and it left her feeling extremely lonely, all at the same time. 

The New Year’s Eves she had spent with Frank were nothing spectacular, and she certainly was not lamenting his absence this year, but there was something comforting about starting a year again alongside someone who you (thought you) loved and who loved you (or at least you believed to at the time). Maybe what she was lamenting was, for the first time in many years, not getting to share whispered promises of what might be, of what could be, whether those whispers be with a romantic partner or her closest friends. Claire was comforted by the, admittedly arbitrary ritual of starting a new year, of commemorating all that was and all that would be with those most important to her. 

She didn’t fully know what she hoped or wanted from the year ahead. So much of the past year involved big decisions, major transitions, and the start of a healing process that Claire had lost sight of the bigger picture. Her days and weeks were focused on the immediate present - the next patient, the next exam, and she had not given herself the space to wonder or dream about who she might be, who she wanted and what she wanted to be, a year from now. 

As she walked home, the exhaustion of her long shift to end her long year, started to settle deep into her body. She still had maybe ten minutes of a walk before she was home, so she decided to let herself spend just a few minutes wondering about the future. 

If all went according to plan, next year at this time she would be a doctor with patients all her own. She, of course, would still be training, but her classroom instruction would be over and she would be putting her knowledge to the test. She wanted to find a way to get back to gardening, a hobby that brought her so much joy and peace. She didn’t have a yard, but there had to be a nearby community garden she could join. She was starting to build a community for herself here in Edinburgh. Claire hoped that a year from now, she would have a close group of friends in her life. Friends that would see her through the big and small things, and people she could do the same. 

And then her mind flitted to Jamie. Who would Jamie be to her a year from now? Who did Claire want him to be? What did she want to be to him? Was she ready to let him into her heart? To let him hold it and keep it safe? Could she do the same for him? Is that what he wanted? Or would he just be another person in her small cadre of friends? That would be the safer route. One that would ensure that he would still be there. That didn’t risk either of them breaking the other’s heart and force them out of one another’s lives. Claire wasn’t sure of much, given everything that happened in the last year, but she knew for certain that a year from now she wanted Jamie to be in her life. And for every year that followed. 

Having made it to her apartment building, Claire let her brain shift back to more immediate concerns. A shower. A cuddle with Adso. And a good, long sleep. Once she felt sufficiently human again, then she could come back to these bigger questions. 

Claire shouldered open the door to the stairwell, yawning several times as she climbed up the three flights of stairs to her apartment. She had just turned the corner to walk the short distance down the hallway to her door, running a hand through her hair as she did so, when she saw him.  Jamie was sitting outside of her door, his back resting against it, his knees drawn up to his chest. He was hugging his knees and resting his head gently on top of them. Claire paused, stunned by his presence, confused as to why he was sitting outside of her door and not at Lallybroch, or at least not in his own apartment down the hall. 

She walked closer to him, unsure if he was asleep or just resting.

“Jamie?” Claire whispered, “What are you doing here?”

Chapter Text

Jamie’s head shot up off of his knees at the sound of her voice. He had arrived only fifteen minutes ago, and after a quick visit to the bathroom in his apartment, he made his way back to Claire’s apartment. He knocked a few times to make sure she wasn’t home yet. And then he sat himself down, waiting sentry outside of her door, not wanting to miss her coming home. 

Claire was standing right in front of him, looking down at him with a mix of surprise, concern, and amusement on her face. She also looked exhausted, and a moment of doubt flooded through Jamie. Why did he decide to ambush her right at the end of her shift? What an inconsiderate, selfish arse he was being, showing up with no warning when she had just been up working all night. 

“Jamie?” Claire prompted again, her voice gentle and warm. 

He stood up, nervously running a hand through his hair. His conversation with Ian flashed through his mind. Maybe he should just tell her he really missed Adso. That would be the safe, if completely ridiculous thing to do. At least then she would think him completely daft but it wouldn’t be a potential friendship ending confession. 

But then he remembered his conversation with Jenny. Was that really just a few hours ago? His sister’s advice, no matter how unsolicited, had rarely steered him wrong. Her instincts were rarely wrong, and he knew her gentle but insistent push for him to take a risk, to take this risk, was informed by her own sharp observations of him. Jenny knew him better than anyone, and he was maybe even more scared of what her reaction would be if he had to tell her he stole their car to drive all the way back to Edinburgh in the middle of the night only to chicken out than whatever Claire’s reaction might be. So he might as well be honest. But maybe he should ease into it. 

“Sassenach, how was work?” 

Claire chuckled softly. “It was fine. Super busy but nothing exceptional, thank goodness.”

“Good,” Jamie responded, nodding but not making eye contact with her. A long pause fell between them.

“Jamie? I’m guessing you didn’t come all the way from Lallybroch to ask me how my shift was. So why are you here?”

Jamie took a deep breath and finally made direct eye contact with her. “I was laying in bed at Lallybroch, unable tae sleep. Ye see, all night, I couldna stop thinking about how the best part of last year was meeting you. And I couldna stop thinking about how wrong it felt tae not start this year without ye by my side. Because when I am with ye, all is right in the world. And starting the year without ye, and without ye knowing how I feel is a risk I cannae take. I dinna ken much, but I do ken that I want ye. If ye will have me. And I ken, I ken that ye might not be ready for a relationship yet. And mebbe ye dinna want me. Mebbe I am standing here, risking ye as a friend. Ye accepted my offer of going on a date, sae I am holding on tae hope that ye at least mebbe are interested in spending more time with me. And if ye dinna feel the same I hope we can still be friends. But I also ken ye are the first person I think about each morning, and the last as I drift off tae sleep, and how lately there is scarcely a breath I take without thinking of ye. Sae I came here tae tell ye that. And tae wish ye a Happy New Year.”

Jamie was well past the point of rambling now, but finally fell silently, taking in Claire’s wide eyes and blank expression with a feeling of dread in his stomach. He was breathless and his heart was rapidly thrumming against his ribcage as he waited for her to say something, anything. As the seconds passed, he felt increasingly like a fool for showing up like this, for overwhelming her with his feelings. 

He took another deep breath, opening his mouth to apologize when Claire took a small step forward to close the distance between them. She reached up, gently tracing her fingers along his jawline, and then across his lips. Jamie’s eyes drifted shut, incapable of focusing on anything but the electricity crackling through his body at her every touch. He missed seeing her standing on her tiptoes, which barely gave him enough time to process her arms wrapping around his neck and her body pressing flush into his own, leaving no distance between them. Before he could open his eyes, her lips, soft and honey-sweet, were on his, tentatively capturing his with their warmth. Jamie’s hands moved to rest on her hips, ever so slightly pulling her closer to him, each of his senses flooded with Claire.

Claire pulled back from the kiss slowly, her arms still locked firmly around his neck, her breathing shallow and her lips tingling, her brain unable to think of anything but the electricity radiating through every cell in her body. It was a sensation unlike anything she had ever felt before, both alarming in its intensity and breathtaking in its potency. 

They stared at one another, their arms slowly letting the other go as their eyes searched the other’s face, looking for confirmation that what just happened between them was worth further perusal. When Claire glanced away, her eyes casting down to the floor, Jamie ever so gently tilted her chin up to look at him again before pulling her in for an all-encompassing hug, her head immediately burrowing safely against his chest. 

They stood in the hallway, wrapped in one another’s arms, counting each other’s heartbeats, breathing each other in. Jamie was rubbing small circles on Claire’s back, tracing his hands slowly up and down her spine as he did so, waiting for Claire to dictate what came next. He felt her place a small kiss on his chest, right above his heart, and she shifted ever so slightly to kiss his scruffy chin. Before he could stop himself, Jamie bent down and ever so gently ran his nose along hers, desperate to keep all of his senses filled with her. 

“Sassenach,” he whispered, his voice hoarse with restrained desire.  

“Hmmm?” Claire hummed in response. 

“I would verra much like tae kiss ye again. May I?” 

Claire opened her eyes and looked into his, seeing the desire she felt in her body reflected in how he was looking at her. She nodded. 

Jamie captured her lips heatedly, eliciting a moan from Claire as the kiss deepened, her tongue greedily seeking entrance to his mouth. He could get lost in that sound, in its freedom, in its sensuality. Jamie returned her moan with one of his own the moment her tongue touched his, his blood boiling as her hands tangled into his hair at the base of his skull. 

Claire could scarcely breathe as Jamie’s lips plundered her own, her body lit on fire as his hands caressed her hips and then moved lower to her butt. She pushed herself against him, ever so slightly rocking her hips against his, a low growl emanating from his throat at the contact. She could become addicted to that sound, the way it made her feel powerful, the way it turned her on. 

They finally broke apart, breathing heavily and incapable of looking away from one another. 

Claire realized that they were still standing in the hallway, certainty and uncertainty dueling within her. She knew she wanted him; his unexpected arrival on her doorstep the nudge she needed to let her heart and not her head take the lead. When she leaned in to kiss him, she had followed her basest instincts, taking a risk and hoping that she wasn’t misreading the signs. His appearance was the confirmation she needed that his feelings might be as strong as hers, and that was enough for now. Despite her fears, despite her anxieties, she let herself take a chance. But also, their kiss had suddenly left her feeling very nervous about how quickly the heat had escalated between them. She felt off kilter, verging on out of control, and needed a few minutes to collect her thoughts before going any further. But she didn’t want to send him away either. 

“Do you, um, do you want to come in?” She asked, a shyness in her voice. 

“If ye want me to, Sassenach, then aye. If ye would rather me return to my apartment that’s okay too. Yer in charge here, lass, and I will do whatever will make ye feel most comfortable.”

The ball of nerves in Claire’s stomach eased at his words. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear just that. Of course he would not trap her or force her into something she didn’t feel ready for. Jamie had proven time and again that she could trust him, that she was safe in his care, but their entire relationship just changed, and it was comforting to know that new circumstances changed nothing about how he would respect her wishes. 

“I would very much like for you to come in,” Claire said as she dug her keys out of her bag. 

Once in her apartment, they shed their shoes and their coats, Claire noting that Jamie had driven all this way in his pajamas. 

“Did you really just get out of bed and come straight here? And in what car?” She asked with some incredulity. 

Jamie chuckled at her tone. “Aye. I was tossin’ and turnin’ something fierce, thinking of ye, and I finally decided the only resolution was tae come see ye, so I grabbed the keys tae Jenny and Ian’s work truck, barely remembering tae bring my phone or wallet with me. Ye see, I really like ye, Sassenach.”

Claire blushed at his comment. “I really like you too, Jamie,” she said with a smile, moving to kiss him again. 

Just as their lips were about to touch, Adso came running into the room, meowing happily that his humans were home. The cat wove his way between their legs, purring contentedly as he rubbed his body against their legs. 

“Ach, ye wee devil, can ye no’ see that we are busy?” Jamie chided playfully, picking up his cheetie. 

“Oh, don’t scold him,” Claire laughed, “he obviously missed you and is just happy to see you.” She reached over to scratch his ears, telling Adso what a good boy he was. 

They cooed over Adso for a few more moments before the cat got restless and jumped to the ground, running to his food and water station in the kitchen, clearly done with the excessive affection for now. 

Both Claire and Jamie stood staring at each other for a moment, unsure of what came next or how to proceed. When a large yawn escaped Claire’s mouth, Jamie was reminded that he was equally as tired after staying up all night as well. 

“Sassenach, why don’t ye go take a shower and get into yer pajamas?” Jamie suggested. “And if ye are okay with it, maybe we could take a nap together in yer bed? 

Claire bit her lip nervously. “To bed or to sleep?

Jamie smiled and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. “Tae sleep, Sassenanch. But only if ye want me tae join ye. I can always go sleep in my own bed.”

Claire smiled at him. “A shower, pajamas, and a snuggle with a warm-blooded Scot sounds like the perfect way to spend the rest of the morning. Come to bed when you are ready.” She kissed his cheek before walking down the hallway toward her bedroom. 

Jamie heard the shower start and willed his mind not to think about Claire in her steaming, hot shower. Their kisses had confirmed what he long suspected - there was no other woman for him besides Claire. The moment their lips touched, he knew that home was in her arms and his heart was hers and hers alone. He loved her, he realized, and had from the moment he laid eyes on her. It was an overwhelming feeling, knowing she was it for him, that he would spend the rest of his days doing all that he could see her smile, to keep her safe, to make sure she knew she was loved and cherished. 

But he was also terrified of the feelings surging through him, so certain and so precarious. For so long, he purposely had not let himself risk being in love for the fear of again having to face the grief, the nearly insurmountable pain that came with losing someone you loved. Thoughts of his mother, brother, and father swarmed his mind, reminding him of the cost of love, and while he knew it illogical to reason that the same fate would befall Claire, it was impossible for his brain to accept anything but the worst case scenario. Jamie closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing his spiraling thoughts to focus on the here and now. He let images of Claire, his Sorcha - the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled, the way her affection danced across her face, her solid, comforting presence - fill his mind instead. As his heart steadied and his breathing slowed, knowing that for the sake of loving her, there was nothing he wouldn’t risk. 

—

Claire stood in the bathroom, looking herself over in the mirror once more. After having a slight panic about what to wear, she had settled on her favorite pajama set. Nothing too sexy, of course. She wasn’t ready for that. But nothing too frumpy either. She wanted to look cute and comfortable and feel confident and oh goodness it had been such a long time since she felt this giddy. She settled on a simple, matching shorts and shirt set that showed off her long legs without coming across, she hoped, as too eager. Claire couldn’t help but roll her eyes at herself for how much she was overthinking this, but ever since she placed her lips on Jamie’s, her brain had been short-circuited and was struggling to think of anything besides the tingling sensation still lingering on her lips. 

She took a deep, steadying breath, desperate to not overthink the events of the last hour and what came next. Kissing Jamie confirmed what she had been starting to suspect - she liked him. Like, liked liked him. She wasn’t sure when, exactly, he went from being her friendly neighbor down the hall, to becoming one of her best friends, to being the person she could not stop thinking or dreaming about. It happened so gradually, so naturally. When she moved to Edinburgh in August, the idea of ever falling in love again seemed impossible. She had felt so defeated, so broken, so afraid. Her heart was in too many pieces and the damage seemed all but irreversible. She had nothing to give and did not trust what might be given in return. But with Jamie, it had all been so easy, as if they were meant to be. 

But Claire was also so scared, desperate to protect her heart, which was on the mend but far from healed. Her brain sped through the evolution of her relationship with Frank, how hopeful and excited she felt at the beginning, only for her love to be weaponized against her at every turn. She desperately wanted to believe that Jamie would never, could never, become a villain like that. That, if she risked loving him, she would have to do nothing, be nothing but herself to have his love in return. Her brain knew that he would, if she let him, carefully hold her heart and keep it safe. She just needed time.

For now, all she wanted was to get into bed and sleep with him by her side. To purposefully (not while she was sick) make the choice to curl into him and his warmth. They would have time to talk, to figure it out in the days and weeks to come.

When Claire walked into her bedroom, she was greeted to the sight of Jamie sitting on the bed, with his back against the headboard and Adso curled into a ball right next to him. His eyes were closed, but opened when he felt her slip into her side of the bed. He looked over at her before scooting himself down to be laying at the same level she was. 

“Hi,” Claire whispered.

Jamie smiled at her nervous tone. “Hi, Sassenach.”

There was still a respectful distance and a cat between the two of them, and even though he longed to pull her into his arms, Jamie would let Claire decide if and when it would happen. He did, however, reach over to brush a stray curl out of her eyes, letting his fingers run all the way down her cheek and jawline. 

Claire captured his hand and laced their fingers together. Their joined hands fell to the bed, too close to Adso’s head, apparently, as the cat grumpily meowed before getting up and jumping off of the bed, leaving the bedroom. Both Jamie and Claire laughed. 

Now in bed, burrowed under her duvet, Claire felt exhaustion settle into her body. It would be a fight to keep her eyes open for much longer, but she still wanted to do one last thing before she let sleep overtake her. She inched herself closer to Jamie, closing the gap between them, touching her lips to his for her bedtime kiss. He moved his lips softly, sweetly over hers, the intensity of their previous kisses replaced with a languid ease. Claire hummed happily as they broke apart. She turned over, her back to Jamie’s front, and grabbed his arm, draping it across her waist. 

Nearly asleep, she felt him gently kiss the top of her head and whisper something in Gaelic to her. She didn’t know what it meant, but it sounded like hope. Like possibility. 

Chapter Text

Hours later, Jamie drifted awake, his nose buried deep in Claire’s curls and his arm still wrapped tightly around her waist. Their legs had tangled together, with one of his wedged between her own, and try as he might, he could not ignore how perfectly her arse fit against his hips. His body stirred merely at the sight of her, so this was almost too much for him to bear. But he certainly wouldn’t be moving any time soon. 

From the sound of her breathing, Claire seemed to still be in a deep sleep, and Jamie dared not move and risk waking her from some much needed rest. Instead, he let his eyes drift shut once more, Claire’s soft, warm presence lulling him back to sleep. 

—

Claire woke with a start. She was dreaming about Jamie, about wandering hands and insatiable needs. It was not her first dream involving Jamie, but it was by far the most salacious, rousing Claire from her sleep with deep ache between her legs that only became more intense when she realized her cheek was resting on Jamie’s chest. 

They had shifted at some point during their nap, her head now pillowed against him and her arm low around his waist. He was laying on his back, one hand resting on her arm and the other on his stomach. Claire watched his chest and stomach slowly rise and fall with his breath, while his heart beat steadily below her ear. A wave of deep contentment came over Claire, and she was happy to let herself revel in this moment. Eventually, though, her bladder won out, and she slowly extracted herself from the safe cocoon of Jamie’s arms to head to the bathroom. 

When she returned, Jamie was awake and rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

“I hope I didn’t wake you,” Claire said, as she rejoined him in bed, feeling a bit shy now that it was properly daylight. 

“Dinnae worry, Sassenach,” Jamie replied with a smile. “I think my body just felt yer absence, is all.”

Claire rolled over onto her side, propping her hand on her head, looking at him. Her cheeks were flushed with sleep but her eyes were clear and sparkling up at him.

“So, now what?” Claire asked, some nervousness in her voice. 

“Weel, Sassenach, I was thinking I could mebbe kiss ye good morning some, and then we could have some breakfast and talk? If that works for you,” Jamie said with a hint of a smirk on his face. 

“I regret to inform you that it is past noon, so good morning kisses are off of the table. But I will accept good afternoon kisses, and breakfast is always allowed,” Claire cheeked back.

“I see ye’ve woken up feeling a bit feisty, lass,” Jamie responded. “I like it.”

He leaned over and placed a feather-light kiss on her lips, his senses igniting at the contact. Apparently, for Claire too, because as he pulled back from the kiss, she surged forward, pushed him back to a lying position, and reconnected their lips in a much more decisive manner. Jamie let out a happy sigh as his arms wound around her. 

Their kisses eventually turned blissfully lazy, neither pressuring the other to do anything more than enjoy this moment of discovery and connection. When Jamie’s stomach rumbled loudly, Claire broke off their kiss and laughed.  “I think that is our cue to have some breakfast,” she said, sitting herself upright, looking a bit dazed. 

“I suppose so,” he agreed, with a sigh, “but I wouldna be opposed to continuing this a bit later.” Jamie winked, well, more liked blinked, at her. 

“That sounds like something I might be interested in,” Claire smiled, kissing his cheek before getting out of bed and heading to the kitchen.

Jamie watched Claire’s retreating form, her swaying hips and perfect arse increasingly out of reach. He groaned at the sight, trying to control his already overheated body. These last several hours felt like a dream, one he never wanted to wake up from. Claire, his sassenach, left him speechless. Her beauty, her softness, her fierce heart, and witty mind. He had never slept better than the five hours they just shared together, his mind and body at ease while she lay next to him. He knew they needed to talk, needed to figure out how to proceed together. There was no doubt in his mind that Claire was it for him, and despite his own hesitations about letting love come too close to his heart, Claire was worth the risk. He just hoped he could keep himself from putting his foot in his gob and not scare her away with the intensity of his feelings. 

His stomach rumbled again, and he headed to the kitchen, eager for breakfast but even more excited to be enjoying it with Claire.

—

After a breakfast of pancakes and fruit, Jamie headed back to his apartment to take a shower and to put on some clean clothes, while Claire channeled her nervous, excited energy into some tidying around her apartment. 

It was a brilliantly sunny New Year’s Day, though the wind was fierce and rattled at Claire’s windows. She knew better than to think that the sunshine meant it was warm out, knowing full well the cloudless sky combined with the roaring wind probably indicated a viciously cold first day of the year. Nonetheless, she opened one of her windows just a crack, letting the chilled air fill her senses. It was refreshing and served its intended purpose of focusing her disparate, scattered thoughts into something more coherent. She let her eyes close, her body and brain relaxing some as she inhaled and exhaled the cold air slowly. 

Jamie would be back soon, and it would be time for them to talk. But what was there to say? They had each willingly fallen into the other’s arms, crossing the line from friendship to something as of yet undefined and vastly more complicated. After a morning of the best sleep she’s ever had, there were no doubts in Claire’s mind about what she wanted. Jamie, in any and every way she could have him. Perhaps she was being reckless, even selfish, given her doubts about letting someone into her life like this. But, she had only felt this clear-eyed certainty a few other times in her life - applying to medical school, when she met both Geillis and Joe, leaving for Edinburgh - and knew that this was an instance of her heart knowing before her head understood. With Frank, there was never this clarity, and she ignored and fought against every instinct she had while she was with him, losing trust in herself all along the way. Until she found the strength to walk away, reclaiming herself in the process.

Whatever came next with Jamie would not always be easy. But she wanted a next. Or at least to try for one. So, when there was a knock on the door, her heart leapt with nervous excitement. They would figure it out together, and for now, that was enough. 

Claire pulled open the door to find Jamie with shower-damp hair, wearing a cozy emerald jumper and an exceptionally well-fitting pair of jeans. She felt herself blushing as she took him in.

Jamie smiled at the sight of Claire, now changed into a tight fitting t-shirt with an unbuttoned, crimson flannel shirt over it, as well as a pair of those damnable black leggings. He hoped she didn’t notice that a blush was slowly creeping up his neck and face. 

They grinned at each other like idiots, neither capable of producing a coherent thought. Maybe, in time, they would figure out how to not be bumbling fools when they saw one another, but today would not be that day. There was a palpable energy between them - a blend of eager and excited, mixed with awkward and hesitant. However they might define this phase of their relationship, it certainly wasn’t at the comfortable and confident stage yet. But that was perfectly fine with Jamie. 

“Hi, Sassenach,” he eventually said in greeting, kissing her cheek.

“Hi,” Claire replied, a bit breathless from the sight of him and from marveling at how a simple kiss on the cheek could make her head spin. 

She stepped aside so he could come in, letting her eyes drift to his backside as he walked in front of her. 

“Sae-”

“Jamie-”

They both started to speak at the same moment, both of them laughing at their perfect timing. 

“Ye go, Sassenach,” Jamie said. 

“Let’s go sit on the couch, shall we?” Claire asked, moving to sit in her favorite corner spot, trusting Jamie would join her. 

Once he was seated, Claire turned to look at him, trying to find the right words for what she wanted to say. It seemed like he always found the right words at the right time, but Claire was much more a person who conveyed her feelings through actions and touch, often struggling to find the words necessary to express how she felt.

Jamie noticed Claire hesitating as she worked up the courage to speak, so he reached out to grab her hand, having already learned things were easier when they touched. 

“I’m right here, lass, and anything ye have tae say is something I want tae hear,” he smiled softly. 

With a deep breath, Claire started. 

“Jamie, I didn’t come to Edinburgh with any desire to date or be in a relationship. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I wanted to run as far away as I possibly could from all of it. And the truth of it is that I am terrified about letting anyone get that close to me ever again. When I left London, it was with the intent to firmly close that door behind me and to not look back. I cannot be that alone, that helpless ever again. I was so scared, nearly powerless to move, and it took every last bit I had left to convince myself I deserved more, I deserved better. That I was worth more than what, over years, was manipulated out of me.”

Tears were slowly rolling down Claire’s face, her anguish visible as she paused to steady herself. Jamie’s hand was still holding her’s tightly, his thumb drawing soft circles just above her thumb. For just a moment, she let her eyes drift shut, letting the feeling of his gentle and certain touch give her the calm she needed to continue. 

“I cannot go back to that place, Jamie. I won’t. And I know you aren’t Frank. And I desperately want to trust my gut. Trust that you would never, could never hurt me like that. I like you so fucking much, and in the months I’ve known you, you have done nothing to make me doubt you. To make me think that you expect me to be anything other than who I am, no matter how broken or messy I might be. And when you kiss me, my head spins in the best way, and I have never slept better than I did this morning, when you held me in your arms. You make me feel safer than I ever expected to feel again. But I can’t help but wonder if it is too much of a risk to be with someone while I am still trying to put my life back together. You don’t deserve to be with someone who is such a mess and who…”

“Sassenach,” Jamie said softly, cutting off her next thought. She had worked herself into a near panic the longer she spoke, her body increasingly agitated, as she struggled to coherently communicate what was in her head. Jamie’s interruption allowed her to take a breath, waiting to hear what he had to say.

“Sassenach. Claire. I think I have made my feelings for ye clear. I like ye, Claire, sae much I can scarcely breathe at the sight of ye sometimes. I willna force ye in tae anything ye dinnae want, and I will move as slowly as ye want, if what ye want is me. I ken it will be work, I ken nae matter how much I promise ye that I willna ever intentionally hurt ye, it will be my actions not my words that will prove tae ye that I am worthy of yer heart. Ye deserve tae be loved and cared for, Sassenach, and if ye are willing, I will do whatever it takes tae show ye each and every day how worthy ye are.”

Jamie brought her hand to his lips and kissed her open palm softly, as if imprinting his promise into her skin. Claire swallowed hard and attempted to compose herself before she spoke again. 

“Just before you came over, I was trying to think through what I wanted to say to you. And I just kept thinking about how hard it would be, and how I needed to make clear to you that I am scared and uncertain about letting you get any closer than you already are. And how you needed to know that whatever might come next, it would be a challenge, not because I don’t want you or this but because the more I let you in, the more I will have to grapple with what I have been through. But I also just kept thinking about how I want a next with you. How I never expected to find someone that would be worth the risk, how your simple presence makes my day better, and how, little by little, you are helping me find myself again.”

Claire knew she was rambling, but she was having a hard time stopping now that she let herself open up. She had been struggling to make eye contact with Jamie as she spoke, finding it hard to focus when her eyes were locked on his. She glanced at him now, not surprised to find his eyes focused on her, but very surprised to see that he too had tears welling in his eyes. The look on his face was not one of pity but one of compassion mixed with something she couldn’t quite decipher. Claire knew he was waiting for her to continue, and he seemed content to wait as long as she needed. Taking yet another deep breath, Claire this time kept her eyes locked on his, feeling calmer and more certain than she had throughout their conversation.

“What I am trying to say, with all this rambling, is that I want to be with you, Jamie. I want to try. But we will need to take it slow, and I will need you to be patient with me. It can be hard for me to communicate what I am thinking and feeling, but I promise to try to be as honest with you as possible.”

As the last words of her sentence left her mouth, Jamie’s arms wrapped around her tightly, pulling her into a hug so comforting and reassuring that her tense body finally relaxed. 

“Christ, Sassenach,” he whispered against her cheek. “Ye are such a brave wee thing, and I dinnae ken how I got sae lucky as tae be the one here with ye. I ken it willna always be easy, but I am ready to do all I can tae show ye how much I want ye and care for ye. Ye have me, Sassenach, and I will do all that I can tae protect yer heart and tae keep ye safe.”

They sat, wrapped in each other’s arms for a long while, breathing each other in. Claire placed a soft kiss on the side of Jamie’s neck, slowly working her way up, peppering kisses all along his jawline before kissing his lips tenderly. It wasn’t a kiss of passion, but a kiss to communicate their promises to one another. It was slow and sweet, stealing Jamie’s breath from his lungs at its vulnerability and its hope. 

Eventually, their bodies shifted and they laid down together on the couch. Its narrow confines meant Claire’s body was draped across his, her head on his chest and his arms still wrapped firmly around her. Claire’s eyes were closed, but Jamie knew she was still awake, as her fingers were tracing the patterns on his sweater. 

Jamie let his eyes close as well, focusing on the small shocks of electricity moving through his body at her simple touch. She wanted to be with him. His beautiful sassenach was willing to risk her heart for him. The thought left him dizzy with joy and overcome with a fierce protectiveness. While she had been bearing her heart to him, his rage lay latent, set aside to be fully present with her. But now. He was finding it nearly impossible to contain. He did not consider himself a violent man, but should he ever cross paths with Frank Randall, he doubted he would be able to keep control of his anger. He wanted to destroy the man. How could someone be so vile, so cruel to this woman? This woman who radiated light. Who made him laugh. Whose presence and touch left him buzzing with joy and life. Should he ever have the pleasure of meeting Randall, Jamie would, in no uncertain terms, make sure that Randall clearly understood his opinion of him.

They spent the rest of the afternoon together, snuggled on the couch, sometimes talking, sometimes dozing, and sometimes trading kisses. A lot of kisses. Sweet, caressing ones. Languorous, lingering ones. Ones full of heat. Ones full of giddy discovery. It was an unspoken agreement between them that they would not go any further than this for right now. But this was enough. It was more than enough. 

—

Hunger eventually got the best of them, both theirs and Adso’s. The cat made his hunger known, loud and clear, climbing on top of their intertwined bodies and meowing loudly. While Jamie fed him, Claire took stock of what was in her refrigerator, debating if there was enough of anything to assemble into a reasonable dinner. She was not much for cooking as it was, and after being sick and working long shifts at the hospital the past few days, there was nothing but a bag of half gone baby carrots and some grapes that were quickly becoming raisins. She mulled dragging Jamie out to the shops before remembering it was still New Year’s Day, meaning they would instead have to search for a restaurant that was open and delivering. 

An hour later, after having finished off the baby carrots as an appetizer, Claire and Jamie were seated at her kitchen table, piling their plates with slices of pizza and salad (at Claire’s insistence). The conversation between them was easy, catching up on the last few days, Jamie detailing the elaborate Hogmanay festivities at Lallybroch. Claire listened with rapt attention. He was a natural-born storyteller, like most Scots she knew, and she marveled at his ability to transform a simple event into an epic, sweeping tale. No doubt his love of books and reading helped as well. 

Bellies full and minds content, they cleaned up their mess before they found themselves standing in the kitchen a bit uncertain about what to do next. Despite spending the day mostly on the couch talking and kissing, time had passed quickly. Claire had to be at the hospital again tomorrow around midday, and Jamie would need to return the truck he borrowed back to Lallybroch. Both were loathe to be parted, but Jamie didn’t want to be presumptuous and ask if he could again stay the night, while Claire was nervous about coming across as too eager, despite wanting nothing more than to spend the night cuddled against him. 

“Weel, Sassenach,” Jamie started. “It is late, and it doesna make sense to move Adso back tae my apartment, seeing as the wee cheetie is passed out on the sofa. But since I am here and not at Lallybroch, it seems silly for ye tae be the one looking after him. Mebbe I should stay tonight so I can keep an eye on him?”

Claire bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from smiling too broadly at his utterly adorable, completely ridiculous logic. 

“Well, I suppose you should. He will obviously be such a handful the next several hours, what with all of the sleeping and snuggling he will need to do. It would be far too taxing for me to take on all of that snuggling myself. Best you stay to help lighten the load.”

Jamie grinned at her cheeky response, knowing full well that she had seen right through him.

“Aye, being his human, ye see, I have far more cat cuddling stamina.”

“Come on, you idiot, let’s get ready for bed.”

Claire grabbed his hand and turned them both down the hallway toward her bedroom. 

—

The next morning, after a robust round of kissing that took a tremendous amount of effort to end, Jamie was getting ready to head back to his apartment with Adso, so Claire could get ready to go to the hospital and he could get on the road back to Lallybroch. With cat supplies and his cheetie firmly in his arms, Jamie was all set to leave, but he still had one more thing he needed to do. 

Claire had walked with him to the door, ready to see him out, hating that it would be probably over a day before she saw him again. The last day and a half had been…well, basically perfect. Despite her reservations, the fact that she and Jamie were…dating? a couple? left her feeling like a giddy teenager. She wished they could just stay cocooned together in her apartment for the next week, just reveling in being in the other’s presence. 

Jamie suddenly looked nervous as he stood by the door, a grumpy Adso in his arms. He had cleared his throat twice, seemingly trying to find the courage to say something. He took a deep breath and blurted out: 

“Sassenach, um, do ye remember when I stayed with ye for Christmas?”

Claire was puzzled by his question. She quite obviously remembered. It had only been a week ago, and she was unlikely to forget the first time they had slept in each other’s arms any time soon. 

“Yes,” she replied with a mix of amusement and confusion in her voice. 

“Well, do ye remember more specifically on Christmas morning, we were, uh,” he cleared his throat nervously. “We were still in bed, and I asked ye if I could mebbe take ye out on a date sometime?’

Claire suddenly realized what he was attempting to ask, but his nervousness was too cute to let him off of the hook just yet. After the past couple of days, how could he be so worried about asking her out on a date?

“I think I maybe remember,” she teased, scrunching up her face, pretending to think hard. 

“Uh, yeah, I asked if I could mebbe take ye tae dinner. And ye said that it could probably be arranged.”

“Did I then?”

“Aye.” He sounded almost too eager.

“And, now are you trying to hold me to my promise?”

Jamie, already red in the face, turned pure crimson. “Only if ye want tae, Sassenach. I would never make ye if ye arena interested. We havena really defined what this,” he gestured to the space between them, “is yet. I dinna want tae presume anything, but I really would like to take ye out on a date.”

He had a look of such hope and anticipation on his face, that Claire knew she needed to let him off of the hook. 

“Jamie, of course I will go on a date with you. I meant it when I said that I want to be with you. Maybe it is too soon for labels, but I have every intention of being your girlfriend. That is, if you want me to be.”

“Sassenach, there are a lot of things I am uncertain about but ye being my girlfriend is not one of them. We did say we would take it slow, so I willna rush ye into a label ye might not be ready for yet. Plus, ye havena even been on a date with me yet. Maybe ye will hate the restaurant I pick or think the cologne I wear is disgusting.”

Claire rolled her eyes and moved toward him. “Consider this my official acceptance of your offer to go on a date,” she said, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him and Adso tightly to her, the cat meowing disgruntledly. She tilted her head up to meet his, whispering against his lips, “And whatever cologne you wear happens to make me want to do things like this to you.”

Her lips initiated a searing kiss between them, causing him to unceremoniously drop Adso to the floor so he could pull her even closer. When they parted, both were breathing heavily, desire clear in their eyes. 

“Thank ye for sharing that with me, Sassenach,” Jamie panted out. “It is verra helpful information.”

Chapter Text

“Earth tae Claire.”

Claire shook herself out of her reverie when Geillis’s hand waved in front of her face, attempting to get her attention. The pair had spent their day off together, Geillis dragging Claire around her favorite cemeteries in Edinburgh (“Ye need tae do more sightseeing here, lass!) before they ensconced themselves in a cafe with hot beverages and several pastries to sample. Claire had enjoyed herself, despite the biting wind of early January occasionally cutting through her many layers, sending shivers down her spine. Geillis was right. She did need to explore Edinburgh more, and it was fun for her to see the places Geillis loved. The cemeteries and kirkyards were beautiful and haunting, and Claire, raised by an archaeologist, had a deep appreciation for the histories and the secrets they held. 

At Geillis’s prompting, Claire snapped her eyes and her focus back to their conversation. She had, indeed, been daydreaming while Geillis had gone to the bathroom. It had only been a few days since she found Jamie sitting outside of her door, since they shared their feelings, but because of work schedules, she had only seen him once since. Her mind had drifted to last night, when just a few minutes after she texted him that she was home safe after work, as she had promised she would, she heard a soft knocking on her door. She shouldn’t have been surprised to see Jamie standing on the other side when she looked out the peephole, but that didn’t stop a gasp of joy and surprise from leaving her mouth as she quickly pulled open the door. 

“Jamie, what on earth? It’s nearly midnight. Why aren’t you asleep?” Claire asked as their arms simultaneously pulled the other into a hug. 

“I was reading a book I couldna put down, Sassenach. Weel that and I wanted tae make sure ye made it home safe. I dinna like ye walking home in the dark all by yourself this late at night. I ken it is a short walk and ye have done it many times, but I canna help but worry.”

Claire kissed his cheek, not able to fully express what it meant to her that he was so concerned about her safety. 

“Well,” Claire said, “it is very late and I am exhausted, so how about I take a quick shower and you can get comfy in my bed?”

Jamie’s face broke into a huge grin at her offer.

When Geillis came back to their table, Claire had been specifically replaying her and Jamie’s early morning makeout session, before he had to leave for work, in her mind. Kissing him was…so fun, and the way their sultry kisses left her mind spinning and heart racing was addictive. She was already counting down the hours until she could get her lips back on his and let her body settle into the comfort and warmth of his arms. 

“Sorry,” Claire apologized to Geillis, hoping her friend didn’t notice her undoubtedly flushed cheeks. 

“Och, you were thinking of yer wee fox, I see,” Geillis smirked. “Ye ken yer face doesna hide yer thoughts well, Claire.”

“Fine, I was. I like him so much, Geillie. He is so kind and he makes me feel so safe and…understood.” 

“Tis nothing more than what ye deserve, Claire, sae why do you have that look of concern on yer face?”

Damn Geillis and her perceptive nature. Claire sighed, picking at the croissant on her plate for a few moments before answering. 

“You know why, Geillie. How can I be sure he won’t hurt me? Frank tricked me into believing he was a decent man, only to turn into a complete, manipulative bastard. How can I trust that Jamie isn’t going to end up doing the same? What if I just bring out the worst in people?” Claire choked out, tears welling in her eyes as she looked desperately at her friend. 

Geillis reached over to grab Claire’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

“Claire, I will not stand for ye thinking ye were tae blame for the horrors than Frank put ye through. That man is scum, and he didna deserve ye. He learned how tae take advantage of yer big heart and tricked ye in tae believing that the best things about ye - how independent ye are, yer passion for medicine, how much ye care about others - were the worst things tae be, when they are, in fact, the things that most people admire about ye. Frank dinna even deserve tae lick the underside of yer shoes.”

In her heart, Claire knew Geillis was speaking the truth. It was basically the same message that Claire had been trying to tell herself for since she moved out in August. Somedays, it was so easy for Claire to believe the message. She had done nothing wrong. Well, not nothing, she was not perfect, but she did the best she could in the moment, focused on her day to day survival and eventually finding a way to extract herself from the situation. And then there were those other days. Days like today, when her thoughts spiraled and all she could think of is how ashamed she is for not finding the courage sooner. For not fighting back harder against Frank’s maliciousness. For letting herself get small and losing her will to fight back. In her heart, she knew that she might never be able to completely recover from all that she endured with Frank. But, with time, perhaps she could make the worst days; the ones where she was ruthlessly judgemental of herself and her actions, both less frequent and less intense. In the end, all Claire really wanted was to have fewer days of panic and fear, and more days filled with grace and forgiveness toward herself. 

“But how can I trust Jamie to not to hurt me in the same ways? What if it is too soon to let him into my heart and I hurt him?”

“Claire have ye seen the way Jamie looks at you? It isna just with lust or infatuation. He looks at ye with reverence, like ye have hung the damn moon. Not once in your time with Frank did I see him look at ye like that. Jamie is the real deal, hen. And as long as ye both are open and communicate what ye need, ye willna hurt him, nor he you. Your eyes sparkle whenever you hear his name, and the fact that ye are sae worried about hurting him means ye are going to do all ye can tae not, because that is who ye are.”

Claire sighed and gave Geillis a wistful smile. “I hope you're right.”

“I am. Now, ye said that Jamie is taking ye out tomorrow night. What are ye going to wear?”

—

“Earth to Jamie.”

Jamie’s attention snapped back to John, who was looking at him with deep amusement on his face. John Grey, or his Lordship when Jamie was annoyed with him, was the first friend that Jamie made when he moved to Edinburgh for university. They had randomly sat next to one another in a class focused on the works of Robert Burns and the eighteenth century. Throughout their first lecture, Jamie noticed John bristling every time their professor mentioned how Burns loathed the aristocracy and wanted nothing more than to destroy the monarchy and the class systems that perpetuated poverty throughout Scotland and the whole of the United Kingdom. 

By the end of class, John was quite agitated and Jamie was curious as to why. His “Hey man, ye alright?” was all the permission John needed to express his shame at being one of those high society aristocrats that Burns would have detested. It was clear enough from his posh English accent - perfectly clipped words and impeccable enunciation that were no doubt honed from elocution lessons - that John was, indeed, high class. But as John kept talking, Jamie came to discover that not only was John an Eton graduate, he was the second son of the Duke of Pardloe and he grew up being called “his Lordship” by the staff at the family estate. John seemed to be deeply embarrassed by all of this, both unable to keep it in but also stuttering to get it out without second guessing if he was oversharing.   

Jamie did not expect such a simple question to open such a can of worms, but he listened patiently as John talked himself into silence. Jamie, who did not grow up poor but certainly not as well off as John, was pretty sure that John was the first member of the nobility he had ever met, and was quite confused by John’s disdain for his wealth and status. Jamie just assumed all wealthy people were pompous, self-absorbed aresholes who hoarded their money and were out of touch with the needs of the rest of society.

“It’s just, well I took a gap year after Eton,” John started. “My father, the Duke, believes firmly in doing charitable work and like my brother before me, he expected that I take a break between Eton and Oxford to give back to my community. I was a volunteer receptionist for a charity that cares for unhoused people in London. It is a charity father is a patron of and he set it all up in one quick phone call.” 

John paused, looking grim. “I admit that I was not happy about any of it. While my peers got sent off to volunteer in Africa or South America, I was stuck working in dreary London, sitting at a desk all day, wasting my time waiting for the phone to ring.”

“But then, I slowly started to understand how unjust it all was. How hard people worked but were still denied something as basic as a safe place to sleep, or a space for their children to play. I started to get so angry that this inequality, this cruelty was hidden from me throughout my education. And then father just expected me to happily head back to the world of snobbery, privilege, and ignorance while at Oxford? I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. So, I refused. And after all of father’s threats of disinheritance and kicking me out of the family, he finally realized I was serious. He agreed to let me come to Edinburgh for one year, and we will “reassess” after that.”

They had been friends ever since, even living together in their final year of uni (John had convinced his father to let him stay). After graduation, John moved back to London to work for the charity he volunteered for during his gap year, with plans to use his own privilege and wealth to expand access to affordable housing and to provide more resources to those still unhoused. Jamie was so proud of how much his friend had grown, both in his understanding of the world and in his ability to recognize his own privilege and instead use it for good. 

John was now back in Edinburgh for a few days to attend a conference on economic inequality, but had extended his trip an extra few days to see friends, including Jamie. The pair were hanging out in Jamie’s apartment after going to dinner. John had been asking him about how Hogmanay went, which let Jamie’s mind drift back to Claire, which led him to their late night snuggles and early morning makeout session. He had left for work dazed and flushed with joy. Kissing Claire was…intoxicating. Her kisses left him ravenous for more and feeling like the luckiest man in the universe. 

Anyway, he had obviously missed John’s question entirely, resulting in his friend waving his hand in front of Jamie’s face to get his attention.

“Sorry, John. I was, uh, thinking about, um,” Jamie didn’t know why he was hesitating to tell John about Claire. It was all so new and part of him maybe wanted to hold onto that feeling of anticipation and excitement without having to involve others just yet. But John knew him too well. 

“James, have you met someone?” John asked with a bit of a smug smile on his face. 

“Aye,” Jamie admitted, his cheeks turning red. “Her name is Claire and she lives just down the hall.”

“Wait, is this the Claire you mentioned taking to the Samhain bonfire? Have you been seeing her all this time?”

Jamie proceeded to explain how he and Claire first met and how their friendship had evolved over the last several months, culminating with him taking care of her over Christmas and then him showing up at her door on New Year’s Day to tell her how he felt. Out of respect for Claire, he didn’t share any of her personal story, instead just sharing with John that she was a nurse on her way to being a doctor, and that she was the most beautiful, kind, witty woman he had ever met.

“You are so smitten!” John said gleefully. “I cannot believe you drove all the way back from Lallybroch and ambushed her on New Year’s morning. She must be quite the woman if you would risk such teasing from both Jenny and Ian for a midnight caper back to Edinburgh like that.”

Jamie half laughed and half groaned at John’s comment, because he did, in fact, receive no small amount of teasing when he returned Jenny and Ian’s truck the day after New Year’s. After receiving the requisite scolding for leaving in the middle of the night and stealing their farm truck, both Jenny and Ian proceeded to take the mickey out of him, largely for how he ambushed Claire, and only just slightly for being, in Jenny’s words, “Sae fecking in love.” 

“I am happy for you, Jamie,” John said measuredly, clearly having more to say. “I, um, we have discussed how you are afraid of the people you love suddenly leaving you because, well, they have, I suppose. Your parents, Willie. Maybe you don’t love Claire yet, but it seems like you might, and well, are you sure you are ready to take such a risk?”

Jamie’s fingers tapped anxiously on the table. John was one of a very few people Jamie trusted sharing his fears with, and he was right to ask Jamie if he was actually ready. Jamie himself had wondered if he was, but the thing was, with Claire, nothing felt like a risk. From the day they had met, her laundry scattered all over the floor, her annoyed cursing echoing through the stairwell, there was a certainty to what he felt for her. To what he understood to be true between them. And as much as he understood that he could not control the future, could not control what fate might have planned, he had also come to understand that, with Claire, the only decision was the one that let him love her, and hopefully her him. 

“I’m sure,” Jamie said quietly, certainly. “Ye are right that I already love her, and while I canna tell her that just yet, I do ken that she is the one, John. The one I need tae set my fear aside for. The one I am destined tae love. Sae I am going tae do just that, and I am going tae have tae have faith that she will hold my heart safely.”

“That, James, is both beautiful and ridiculously sappy, which is nothing less than what I expect from you. Now, you said you are taking her out for your first official date tomorrow? What’s the plan?”

Jamie groaned. “I don’t know just yet. I want it tae be perfect, and I mebbe have been overthinking it. She isna that picky and I ken she would be fine with just going tae dinner and a movie, but I want tae make it more special than that.”

Jamie had been wracking his brain trying to figure out what to do for their first date. He just liked her so damn much - her generous heart, her fiery spirit, her perfect arse, every part of her, and everything about her - and he was, he knew, placing too much pressure on this date to express just how much he liked and wanted to be with her. But he couldn’t help it. Claire deserved to know how special she was to him. And even if it was far too soon to tell her that he did not just like her but was in love with her, he wanted to find something for them to do that at least conveyed how strong his feelings were. 

It being the dead of January, with its miniscule daylight hours and temperamental weather, did not help. If it were spring or summer, he would take her to the botanical gardens or for a picnic at The Meadows. He knew she loved being in nature, but besides the barren trees and brown grass, there was no nature to be had right now.

John helped him brainstorm a few ideas, but he shot them all down, growing increasingly frustrated with himself. And then suddenly, he figured it out, grabbing his phone to quickly look something up to make sure it would be possible. When he knew it was, he told John, who nodded enthusiastically at his idea. 

“That’s perfect, mate! It is something she is interested in and it is a fun, hands-on activity.”

Jamie smiled, relief flooding through him. Now if he could just keep his nerves from spiraling out of control before tomorrow evening.

Chapter Text

Claire paced nervously around her apartment. Jamie would be there at 6pm to pick her up, so she still had ten minutes to spiral before he arrived. She was dressed and ready to go, having to change last minute out of her planned outfit when Jamie mentioned she should wear something that she would be okay with getting “a bit dirty.” He wouldn’t elaborate when she pressed him on what type of dirty, so she swapped out her silk blouse and faux leather mini skirt for a burgundy turtleneck sweater dress that hit just above her knees. Since it was winter, she also pulled on a pair of thick black leggings and her favorite knee-high heeled brown boots. Her curls were loose, having remembered Jamie telling her in between heated kisses how much he loved when her hair was down. 

Being this nervous felt a bit silly to Claire. She and Jamie had already spent so much time together, had slept in the same bed together, had shared fears and secrets, along with so many kisses. But the ball of knots currently pulling tighter and tighter in her stomach was not really about Jamie. It was about her, and believing that she could do this again. Date someone. Maybe be in a relationship. Trust herself and trust him too. Tonight felt like such a huge step along that journey, and she just really wanted it to go well. 

She startled when he knocked on her door, eager to see him, for his presence to calm her. Things seemed so much easier and certain when she could hold his hand or look into his eyes. 

“Hi, Sassenach,” he said faintly, as he took in her outfit, his eyes skimming down her body and back up to her eyes. “Ye look gorgeous.”

Claire blushed, a small smile on her face. “You look quite dashing, yourself,” she replied.

She couldn’t see his entire outfit, which was hidden underneath his coat, but the olive peacoat fit him exquisitely well, and he looked extra cute with a cashmere checked scarf tied around his neck. He was also holding a beautiful bouquet of lavender and creamy white English roses. They stood in the doorway, smiling like fools at one another, their nervous excitement palpable. Jamie finally shook himself out of his stupor, extending the flowers to Claire.

“I was trying tae think of something sweet to say when I gave ye these, but everything sounded so cheesy. “Roses for my English rose? I find ye ir-rose-sistable? These roses are beautiful but nae as beautiful as ye? It all sounded daft. I just ken that ye always have roses and now I canna see them without thinking of ye. The woman at the shop told me that the lavender ones express affection and femininity, while the white roses show interest and symbolize new beginnings. She said it was a perfect combination for a first date.”

Now Jamie was blushing profusely, but Claire simply took the flowers from him before kissing his cheek. “These are beautiful, Jamie. Let me put them in a vase quickly before we go.”

Jamie watched as she took a vase from her cabinets and filled it with water. He was flustered and had definitely rambled just then, but he couldn’t help it. As Claire arranged the roses in the vase, he noted the happiness on her face, and felt himself relax. 

“Okay,” Claire said, done with the flowers. “I’m ready to go.” She pulled on her coat before taking Jamie’s hand and lacing her fingers with his, giving it a tight squeeze. They could be two nervous, enamored idiots together tonight. 

—

Jamie drove them a short distance before parking outside of a place called Wee Bit Leafy, which looked to Claire to be a plant store of some kind with a delightfully silly name. Before she could ask any questions, Jamie jumped out of the car and ran to open her door for her. 

“I am intrigued, Jamie Fraser. Just what exactly do you have planned for this evening?” 

“Weel, Sassenach, I had a bit of a crisis trying tae think of something we could do tonight that wouldn’t just be a nice dinner, though we will also be doing that later. And then I remembered something a customer at the store told me about. For her hen do, she and her friends went to a plant shop where ye could learn tae build yer own terrariums, and I knew when I remembered that it would be the perfect way for us tae spend the evening.”

“Ooooh Jamie, that sounds like so much fun. I love making terrariums but I haven’t done it in so long. And we will hopefully learn all about how magical they are. Did you know that they are self-sustaining ecosystems? You don’t even have to water them!”

The excitement in Claire’s voice was all Jamie needed to hear to know he had picked right. 

“I’m glad tae hear it. I dinna have much of a green-thumb, sae I was all set tae tell ye that ye would need to come by my apartment tae make sure I am not accidentally killing whatever we create tonight.”

“I have faith in you. But I guess that means we will have to figure out a different reason for me to come by regularly,” Claire smirked. 

“Oh, dinna worry,” Jamie said, taking her hand as they walked into the shop, “my backup plan was tae tell ye how much Adso misses ye and we probably just need to have a regular time where ye come over and see him.”

“Hmmm,” Claire smiled, at his silliness, secretly thrilled that he wanted to see more of her, “I guess that might work.”

Inside the shop, there were plants everywhere, assorted shades of green in every direction Claire looked. And there was so much variety, from the table right in front of them with an assortment of succulents to massive ctenanthe setosas (grey stars) against the back wall. Hanging above them were pots and pots full of strings of pearls and pathos, their vines lush and long. Claire’s eyes and head were darting in all directions, wanting to take it all in.

“Jamie,” she breathed out in a gasp, “this place is amazing. I could spend hours here, just being among the plants.”

The look of joy and wonder on Claire’s face told him everything he needed to know, his own heart nearly bursting out of his chest to see her so happy and in her element. 

“We have a few minutes before the class starts, sae why don’t I go check us in and you can look around a bit? Mebbe ye will find something ye like for yer apartment.”

Jamie headed off toward the back of the store, leaving Claire to explore. Every plant had a clear label with helpful information about where it was native to, how to care for it, as well as a fun fact or two about the plant’s colloquial name, such as the pachira aquatica being known as the “money tree” because of a myth that an old man got rich selling the seeds of the plant. 

Just as she was bending over to read more about the maranta leuconeura (or prayer plant), Jamie appeared back at her side. 

“See anything ye like, Sassenach?”

“Too many, unfortunately,” Claire chuckled. “I wish I could have one of everything, though I fear my apartment is far too small and my bank account is not quite full enough for that. But I do think I could use a plant right by the windows in the living room. You know, where my studying space is? I think that would help bring the room together a bit more.”

Ever so slowly, Claire’s apartment was becoming more decorated and homey. In her rare bits of free time, she made the effort to hang some pictures and artwork, and to get her books onto a proper bookshelf. Having never lived anywhere long term, save for the few years she lived in Frank’s apartment (which he made clear was not to be redecorated), Claire never developed her own sense of interior design, nor did she even know if she was really all that fussed about her space. But, over the last many months, she started to realize her preferences - minimal clutter, practicality, soft colors with an occasional bold detail, and a lot of natural light - and worked to make her space meet her needs. More recently, she had been wondering how to liven up her study space, and a plant was a great idea. 

“Aye,” Jamie said, answering her question. “What sort of plant are ye thinking?”

Claire blushed at his inquiry, an odd response to what he thought was a simple question. 

“Well, I want something tall that sits on the floor and not on a table. But, most importantly, I want to make sure it is a cat-safe plant.”

“Are ye thinking of getting a wee cheetie, Sassenach?”

“No,” Claire said slowly, “but I want to make sure that if I have Adso over again, he is safe.”

“Oh,” Jamie said, his voice wondrous. “That is verra thoughtful of ye, lass. I ken Adso will appreciate it. And sae do I.” 

They looked at a few plants with pet-friendly labels on them, but didn’t have time to make a decision before their workshop instructor came to tell them it was time to get started.

—

Claire and Jamie left the workshop, terraria in hand, chatting excitedly about how much fun it had been. Their instructor was a kind, enthusiastic woman who walked them and the rest of the group through the basics of terraria, how different container shapes and materials mattered, how to properly layer, and the different sorts of plants to pick from, all before they started building. 

Claire had opted for a large geometric glass container, while Jamie picked a smaller glass rectangle. From there, they layered in gravel, moss, and soil before adding in different small succulents, mini tropical plants, and all sorts of other interesting little plants. While they constructed their individual terraria, Jamie shared stories from his childhood, while Claire talked about her favorite places to travel with her uncle. The two hours flew by. 

“Now,” Jamie started, “we still need tae pick out a plant for ye. Have ye decided which one you would like?”

Claire looked over the tall plants section one more, her eye catching on one she hadn’t had time to look at earlier. It had slender green stems and gorgeous, lush fronds.

“Oh, I really like this one. And look! It is called a cat palm! Do you think that means Adso will like it?”

Jamie laughed. “I dinna ken. That wee cheetie is quite picky about his plants.”

Claire laughed too. “I suppose he will just be grateful to have another thing to paw at. Will this fit in your truck?”

It took a bit of maneuvering to get the large plant and their two terraria into Jamie’s truck, making sure they were safely secured and wouldn’t tip over. Once they were themselves belted in the car, Jamie looked over at Claire, who was radiating happiness, a large smile on her face and cheeks flushed with joy. 

“I dinna ken about ye, Sassenach, but I am starving. I have a restaurant in mind, or, if ye would rather, we could go back tae my place and order in?”

Claire appreciated his thoughtfulness, giving her options. She was having too much fun to go home just yet, though she was looking forward to when they got back to their apartments and she could spend some time properly thanking him for such a lovely, fun evening. Her body flushed at the thought of his lips on hers, her fingers in his hair. 

“Let’s go to whatever restaurant you have picked out. Despite being here since August, I think I’ve only been out to a restaurant two or three times? I want to see more of the city, especially if I get to see it through your eyes.”

Jamie couldn’t help himself, leaning over to kiss her, his lips lingering over hers, leaving her sputtering as she breathed out, “What was that for?”

“I coulnda help it. Ye just look sae happy and I just really like spending time with ye,” he said simply. “Now, let’s go eat.”

As Jamie drove them into Edinburgh’s Old Town, he felt Claire’s fingers lightly brush over the top of his left hand, which was resting on the gear shift, drawing gentle circles over his knuckles. Christ, he still couldn't make sense of what her touch did to his brain and body. It was all-consuming, despite being just a simple caress of fingers. He steadied himself, reminding himself to stay focused on the road. He longed to flip his hand over and entwine their fingers together, but this stupid car was a manual. Is that why Americans had automatics? So they could hold hands while driving? Maybe he should look into buying a new car so they wouldn’t be in the predicament again. 

Claire was feeling a bit devious when she started running her fingertips over Jamie’s hand. She just couldn’t help herself, a fierce need to be touching him pulsing through her. Of course she couldn’t distract him too much from driving, but a few delicate touches would satisfy her for now. In her heart, she knew she wasn’t quite ready to extend their intimate activities past the heavy making out and curious (but not aggressive) touching. But her need to be in contact with him grew more insatiable by the day. So, she let herself take advantage of their proximity and his obvious willingness. Claire could tell that his breathing had become slightly more labored, and he fidgeted every time she traced her fingers over the top of his wrist, just visible underneath his coat and sweater. 

Claire was having so much fun that she was lost in her own little world, not immediately noticing that he had pulled his truck into a parking spot, and turned off the ignition. But when his hand flipped over, taking hers in his, she was jolted back to reality. Jamie slowly brought her hand to his lips, kissing the back of it softly before turning it over, moving her coat and dress sleeve up before kissing the inside of her wrist. He held his lip on her pulse point for several seconds, no doubt feeling the erratic beat of her heart thrumming throughout her body. 

When he finally released her hand, she was breathing heavily, and Jamie smirked as their eyes collided. 

“Yer a wee vixen, Sassenach,” his voice husky as he spoke. 

“And?” Claire prompted with a teasing primness. 

“And I hope ye will grant me more opportunities tae burst in tae flames,” he finished, as he placed his hand on the back of her head, pulling her in for a fiery kiss.

It ended too quickly for Claire’s liking, with Jamie once again already out of the truck and opening her door for her before she could even process what just happened. 

Claire looked around, trying to see if she knew where they were. She had strolled through parts of Old Town, but mostly just down the Royal Mile, having not yet ventured down its side streets. Nothing looked very familiar, but as she and Jamie walked hand in hand to the restaurant, she made sure to take in her surroundings, taking note of the different shops and marveling at the beautiful old buildings that lined the streets. 

Jamie noticed Claire’s head turning in all directions, an excited curiosity dancing across her face. She had traveled the world, and still looked at it with such open-hearted interest and with the eyes of an explorer. For not the first time that night, he felt a certainty deep in his bones, a palpable understanding that she was the one. 

Tonight wasn’t the first time he had that inkling, but it was a clear confirmation that the previous flits of certainty were not happenstance. For as much time as they spent together these last months, it was rarely outside of the confines of their apartments, a space where they could be relaxed and honest, but denying the other the wonder the joy of seeing them take in the world around them. Tonight, Jamie realized that Claire embodied her Gaelic name, Sorcha . Light. She was the brightest light in the room while they built their terraria. And here, as they walked down the street, she was radiant, her light all they needed to guide them. He had been privileged to be cast in her warm glow, but it was a whole other thing to see her cast it upon the world. And to be the one accompanying her as she did. 

“Jamie?” Claire asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. “What is that building across the street? 

“Tis Edinburgh Central Library. Twas the first public library in the city. They have a huge collection of Scottish literature and I basically lived there when I was writing my final thesis for undergrad.”

“It is such a magnificent building. I love big, old buildings like that. And maybe you and I will have to go visit and explore the stacks.”

Jamie noticed the small smirk on Claire’s face as she said it, and he couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Sassenach, I will join ye in the stacks any time.”

—

They arrived at the restaurant, which to Claire seemed fancier than a lot of restaurants, but not so fancy as to feel stuffy or overly serious. The interior was cozy, warmly lit and the hum of happy dinners echoed around the room. The maître d' walked them to the back of the restaurant and up a staircase to a smaller seating area, setting their menus on a table next to a large window. Claire was a bit confused when Jamie made a big to-do about which chair she should sit in, though Claire just brushed it off as a weird, endearing bit of Jamie’s innate chivalry. 

As Claire sat down in her chair, she gasped as she looked out the window. There, just past the rooftops of the rest of Old Town’s historic buildings, was the gorgeously illuminated Edinburgh Castle, high on its hill, a beacon for the entire city. Claire had, of course, seen the 11th century castle from a distance many times, appreciating how, even in a city populated with history, it stood out as a symbol of Edinburgh’s past. But she had never been this close, and had never seen it at night, ominously beautiful. 

She looked over at Jamie, who was watching her take in the view, a smile on his face. 

“Jamie, this is amazing,” she said, reaching across the table to take his hand, giving it a tight squeeze. 

“I thought ye would appreciate it, Sassenach, seeing how much ye love history. And when the weather gets a bit warmer, I’ll take ye tae see it. Tis verra touristy, but I can give ye a personal tour telling ye all about Mary Queen of Scots and Oliver Cromwell, and all sorts of fascinating moments of history.” 

“I cannot wait,” Claire smiled, grabbing her menu to consider her dinner options. 

Once they agreed on some starters, both of them extremely hungry at this point, and placed their drink orders, they began debating which main course options looked best. Claire was adamant that she wanted something with potatoes, though the cod dish she wanted did not come with any starchy goodness. Jamie said that they could order fries for the table, even though his pork and haggis dish already came with crushed potatoes.

Orders placed and starters served, Claire started asking Jamie all about his undergraduate thesis, curious about what it would be like to be a literature student. Her undergraduate course load had been all biology and chemistry, bleakly absent of novels and robust debates about, well anything, really. Jamie talked about how he settled on writing about how masculinity was portrayed in nineteenth century Scottish literature, and the difficult process of editing down his 20,000 word paper into the allotted 10,000 words. Claire loved seeing how passionate he was about the subject, walking her through different conceptions of masculinity and how they showed up in literature. He animatedly talked about how he was trying to bring more books into Waterstones that prioritized marginalized Scottish populations, and how what he learned in uni connected to his current work and future dreams.  

Before long, their meals arrived, and the conversation switched to more current topics. How busy the hospital had been, Claire’s iminent spring semester, and most heatedly, their favorite preparation of potatoes.

“You are telling me that you think mashed potatoes are better than fries? Are you daft?” Claire asked with a cheeky eye roll.

“Weel, I think ye just havana had good mashed potatoes, Sassenach, which is a true travesty. When ye tried the ones I made at Christmas, ye were too sick tae fully appreciate them. That will be rectified when I make them for ye again.” 

Their playful teasing continued as they took turns grilling each other on their favorite foods, movies, and TV shows, culminating with Jamie being truly shocked when Claire admitted she liked to watch reality shows. 

“Wait,” Claire said, with a scandalized look on her face. “You haven’t watched The Traitors? That’s ridiculous. We will be starting season one when we get home.”

Jamie’s breath caught at the way she said “when we get home,” as if they lived together. It was too soon for that, but damn if that wasn’t all he wanted. To share a home with her. To welcome her home after a long day at school or the hospital. To make her breakfast each morning. To be assured that each day would start and end with her in his arms. 

They debated about which dessert to share, thankfully both agreeing that chocolate cake with ice cream could rarely disappoint. And it certainly didn’t. Claire let out a moan of pleasure at her first bite of the cake that went straight to Jamie’s groin, not helped by the look of absolute bliss on her face. 

He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably, getting her attention. 

“What’s wrong? Do you not like the cake?”

“Nae, the cake is delicious, Sassenach. Tis yer wee noises slowly driving me mad,” Jamie nearly growled, his voice low and husky.

“I have not made any wee noises, thank you very much,” Claire said, feigning prudishness. 

“Sassenach, ye just moaned like ye did two nights ago when I was kissing ye behind yer ear, and ye ken full well what that sound did tae me,” Jamie looked heatedly into her eyes. 

Claire blushed, touching the very spot behind her right ear where Jamie had been kissing, well sucking really, a few nights ago. She vividly remembered him whispering into her ear how roused he was by her moaning that night, and she certainly felt it as well. 

“Fine. Maybe I moaned a little. The cake is very good and I like being vocal about the things I enjoy.”

“Oh, I ken, Sassenach,” he smirked as he took another bite of cake. 

Suddenly, finishing their dessert and paying the bill became a matter of urgency, both more than ready to be alone with the other. The moment they left the restaurant, giggling with hands intertwined, it started, in true Scottish fashion, pouring down rain. They burst out into full laughter as they looked at one another and then started speed walking to Jamie’s truck.

In the truck, they were soaked and chilled to the bone, Jamie scrambling to get the heat turned on. Claire interrupted his movements, grabbing one of his hands and scooting closer to him. When he turned his head to look at her, she took his face in her hands and kissed him slowly, her tongue tracing his lips before sliding against his, his groan loud in the small, enclosed space of the truck. 

When they separated, Claire rested her forehead on his, their breathing heavy and heartbeats wild.

“Thank you for a perfect evening, Jamie,” Claire whispered, placing one last light kiss on his lips before releasing him. 

Jamie watched as Claire shifted back to her seat, putting on her seat belt. He tried to shake himself out of his stupor so he could safely drive his precious cargo home. 

Chapter Text

The drive back to their apartment building was quiet, both lost in their own thoughts, reliving the best parts of the night so far. Claire noticed Jamie had a small smile on his face the entire ride home that she was quite certain was mirrored on her own face.  

Thankfully, the rain had eased to a light drizzle by the time they arrived, allowing them to successfully get the two terraria and large cat palm safely into the building and onto the elevator. Neither of them used the elevator often, as it was often faster to just climb the three flights of stairs than wait for the glacially slow elevator. The elevator was small, barely fitting two people normally, and a tight squeeze for two people, a large plant, and two terraria. They stood next to one another, their sides touching, as the elevator inched its way up. The heat between them, despite their cold, wet clothes, was palpable, neither able to look anywhere but at the other. 

When the elevator door opened with a ding, they were both startled. Jamie carried the large plant down the hall to Claire’s apartment, while she delicately balanced the two glass cases in her hands. Once inside her apartment, plant and terraria safe, Jamie gently tugged Claire into his arms, holding her close, resting his chin on top of her head. 

Claire took a deep, slow inhale as Jamie held her, willing her racing heart to slow some. She knew, despite what her body was telling her, that the night would not be ending with sex. She wanted Jamie badly, but while her body was clearly willing, her head and heart kept hesitating, which is all she needed to know that she wasn’t ready yet. Claire also had a sneaking suspicion, based on the baseline electricity that was between them, that once they crossed that bridge, there would be no turning back. So she needed to be sure she was ready. That she wasn’t forcing herself to move too quickly. Jamie said he would be patient, and she trusted his word. 

“What would ye like tae do, Sassenach? I can bid ye good night now, we could watch that silly show of yers, whatever ye want,” Jamie said softly.

Claire hummed, thinking about what sounded good. She knew she wanted Jamie to spend the night, wanted his arms holding her tightly throughout the night. 

“Why don’t you go home and get out of your wet clothes, and then, maybe, you can come spend the night?” Claire asked, sounding shy. 

“I would verra much like that, Sassenach,” Jamie placed a kiss on the crown of her head, before turning to leave.

“Tell Adso I say hi,” Claire said to his retreating form. 

Jamie laughed but promised he would. 

—

Jamie hurried back to his apartment, eager to get changed and get back to Claire. While she hadn’t said it out right, he suspected that her offer to spend the night would not include any intimacy past the level they had already been engaged in, which was just fine with him. Every part of him wanted Claire, desperately, but only when she was ready. Only when he didn’t see that flicker of fear cross her face whenever they talked about taking things to the next level. He would wait for her forever, if that was what she needed. 

As quickly as he could, Jamie pulled on his favorite pair of gray joggers and a long sleeved, light blue henley. He also went to the bathroom to towel dry his hair, wash his face, and spray on just a bit more of his cologne, knowing how much Claire liked it. Sure it would be torture when she buried her nose against his neck, inhaling the scent, but if it made her happy, he was okay with a bit of personal torture. 

Adso came and sat down right outside of the bathroom, watching as Jamie brushed his teeth, meowing his hellos. 

“There ye are, little man. Have ye had a good evening?”

Jamie scooped up the cat and carried him into the living room, sitting down on the couch. He felt just a bit guilty for leaving Adso alone for the night, knowing the cheetie would be fine, but also knowing the cat liked to curl up with him in bed. So, before heading back to Claire’s, the least he could do was spend a few minutes snuggling with him, letting the cat’s relaxed energy calm his own nearly frenetic one. 

—

As soon as Jamie left, Claire hurried to her bedroom, pulling off her dress as she did so. She stood in her bra and leggings and stared at her pajama options, wildly overthinking what to wear to bed. Jamie had seen her in her pajamas many times. Had slept in her bed with her. But tonight was special and even though her pajamas would be staying on, she wanted to wear something that both made his eyes bulge and made her feel confident and sexy. She rifled through her drawer, finding a matching cami and shorts set that she almost never wore because she usually just ended up sleeping in a baggy t-shirt. 

Claire pulled on her pajamas and her robe over them to stay warm. She then went to the bathroom to dry her hair and brush her teeth. When she glimpsed herself in the mirror, she realized she looked…happy. She was surprised to be so surprised by this revelation. She hadn’t been unhappy over these last few months. But the glow on her face was a clear indication that she had a next level of happiness that Jamie had helped her rediscover. He made her happy, his mere presence. But also, tonight she was reminded of her own interests, and was given space to explore and be curious about things besides medicine. He reminded her of her own capacity for joy and fun. 

Just as she was finishing up in the bathroom, Claire heard Jamie’s soft knock on her door. When she opened it, she felt a bit breathless, only to have all of her breath leave her body at the sight of him. Maybe it was because she was allowing herself to have more awareness of his body, of his physical being, because they officially decided to date. She was pretty sure she had already seen him in these very joggers, but she didn’t let herself appreciate them. Claire wondered if Jamie knew what he was doing, wearing pants that hugged his physique just so, giving her brain no choice but to wonder about what was beneath them. 

When her eyes met Jamie’s, he had the slightest smirk on his face. The jerk definitely knew what he was doing. 

Claire let him in and locked the door behind them. 

“Adso would like me tae pass along that he misses ye, Sassenach and hopes that ye will come see him soon,” Jamie said with a smile. Claire appreciated that he found a way to prevent an awkward lull between them. 

“Well, we can certainly arrange that,” Claire replied. 

She took a steadying breath and then took his hand and pulled him closer to her. 

“Jamie, before we get into bed, I just wanted to be clear that I’m not ready to have sex with you tonight,” she started, her eyes looking down, not wanting to see any potential anger or irritation on his face at her statement. “Inviting you to spend the night was probably unfair without telling you that upfront, and I hope you aren’t mad that I led you on.”

Jamie put a finger under Claire’s chin and tilted her face up so he could look into her eyes. She looked nervous, scared even, and he felt a flash of anger. Not at her, but at the bastard who bullied her, who put that fear in her eyes at the mere thought that denying a man sex was dangerous. 

“Sassenach, let me make myself verra clear. Ye did not lead me on. I did not expect tae come here and have sex with ye. I will never force myself on ye, I will never be angry with ye for not wanting to, and we will go at whatever pace makes sense for the both of us. If ye arena ready, then that means neither am I. I cannae deny that I want ye, lass, but that doesna mean I will do anything other than respect yer boundaries. And I ken ye will respect mine too.”

Claire gave him a small smile. “It’s just…well, I really want you too, Jamie, and I am worried that I am sending you mixed signals. Like I fully plan to take you to my bed and kiss the breath out of you tonight, and it will be hard for me to stop, but I know I am not ready for more yet, and it feels like I am leading you on.”

“Ye are doing nae such thing, Sassenach. I am in nae rush, and do not expect anything from ye but honesty and communication, which ye are doing right now,” Jamie said as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Now, tell me more about kissing the breath out of me, because that sounds like something I am verra interested in exploring further.”

Claire laughed. “Well, let’s get into bed and see if I can show you what I mean.”

—

Once in bed, Jamie laid on his side to look at Claire, his eyes skimmed over her face before his hand came up to tuck an errant curl behind her ear. “Mo nighean donn,” he whispered, reverence clear in his voice as he did so. 

“What does that mean?” 

“My brown haired lass,” Jamie replied, running his fingers through Claire’s bountiful curls. “Ye have such lovely hair, Sassenach.”

“Really? I have always thought it to be dull and annoyingly temperamental,” she said, her eyes closed as she focused on Jamie’s warm fingers gently massaging her scalp.

“Weel, temperamental mebbe makes sense, what with all of these beautiful curls, but it is not dull at all. It’s like the water in a burn, the way it ruffles down the rocks. I like how it is dark in the wavy spots with wee bits of auburn when the sun touches it.”

Claire, unsure how to reply to such sweet words, leaned up to kiss him, her lips gently ghosting over his. She then moved to kiss his cheek, and then his jaw, her nose flooded with the scent of his alluring cologne. 

“Mmmm,” she said as she inhaled his scent. “I see you remembered what I said about your cologne,” she whispered as she kissed and lightly bit his neck. 

Jamie gasped at her bite. “Sassenach, there is nothing ye say that I dinna remember,” he groaned as she moved to nibble on his ear lobe.

Jamie took hold of Claire as she continued exploring with her mouth, grazing his hands up and down her sides, as she blissfully tortured him. 

When Claire returned her lips to his in a searing kiss, Jamie couldn’t hold in the growl that escaped him, nor could he stop himself from flipping them over, his body looming over hers. She looked so bonny, with her flushed cheeks and dilated pupils.

Claire stared up at Jamie as his eyes roamed over her face. He was so handsome, with his tousled hair and rosy cheeks. When he brought his lips back to hers, his kiss was slow and thorough, leaving little room for any additional thoughts except those about how soft his lips were and how much she liked his light scruff scratching across her cheeks. 

She sighed contentedly when his lips moved to her neck, returning her previous bite with one of his own. Through the haze, Claire realized that she was still wearing her robe, and not only was she too hot now to keep it on, but she wanted to give Jamie a little more space to explore. Without breaking their kiss, she fumbled for the tie. 

“Sassenach,” Jamie pulled back, breathing labored. “What are ye doing?”

“Just trying to get this robe open. I’m too hot.”

“Are ye now?” Jamie smirked.

“You don’t need to sound all smug about it. Rising body temperature is quite normal when engaging in amorous activities,” Claire’s doctor voice chided.

“Aye, Dr. Beauchamp. Just happy that I am the one causing such a heat wave.”

Claire opened the robe, which was effective in shutting Jamie up. 

The cami, with its thin straps and lace trimmed bust line, hugged Claire’s torso perfectly. And while it was not particularly low cut, the material was quite thin and it certainly was the most revealing item of clothing Jamie had seen her in. Her shorts were also quite short, giving him quite the view of her long legs. His sudden silence and his darkened eyes were all she needed to know the pajamas had the intended result.

Jamie couldn’t stop looking at Claire. She was so beautiful. Stunning. Breathtaking. There were not the right words in any language to convey the beauty she held, in both body and soul. He never wanted to stop looking at her. 

“Christ, Sassenach. Ye take my breath away,” Jamie whispered. He brought his hand to her face and traced his fingers lightly across her lips, moving them down the side of her neck and across her newly exposed collar bone, never breaking eye contact with her as he did so. He bent down and replaced his fingers with his lips, placing kisses along each collar bone. 

Claire’s chest was heaving as Jamie’s lips lightly danced along her skin. The heat between them was insufferable and she never wanted it to stop. She knew she would have to put a stop to it soon, but couldn’t quite bring herself to do it just yet. 

Jamie withdrew lips and eased back from Claire.

“Sassenach?” His voice sounded a bit nervous.

“What’s wrong?”

“Och, tis nothing. It’s just, ken, I dinna think through my attire and this shirt is verra warm. I would mebbe like tae take it off, but I dinna want tae make ye feel uncomfortable.”

Oh god, he was adorable. 

“Well, assuming you don’t have some sort of hideous tattoo on your chest, I think you taking your shirt off is quite a good idea. What kind of doctor would I be if I let you pass out from heat stroke?”

Jamie grinned as he pulled the neck of his shirt up and over her head, tossing it to the floor. 

Claire gaped. She knew from the first time that she laid eyes on Jamie that he was fit. He had an athletic build with broad shoulders and well-defined bicep muscles that she had maybe occasionally noticed when he wore a t-shirt. And while their previous times sharing a bed did not include him taking off his shirt, Claire had woken up with her head nestled on his rock hard chest more than once. But it was another thing to see him in (nearly) all of his glory. Claire couldn’t stop her eyes from skating down his body, marveling at how well-made he was.

“My eyes are up here, lass,” Jamie teased.

Claire pushed herself up so she was seated, Jamie’s legs on either side of her own. Much like he had done to her, she let her fingers run along his body in light, revenant strokes. His skin was warm and she noticed he was struggling to keep his breathing under control, taking long inhales and exhales with his eyes closed. 

“You’re so beautiful, Jamie,” Claire murmured as she placed a kiss over his heart.

Jamie eased himself back down onto the bed, where he gathered Claire in his arms and held her close. All he ever needed was this. He kissed her unhurriedly, with less heat than their earlier kisses but with more emotion. He wondered if it was too soon to tell her that he was in love with her. That he knew in his heart, she was the one. 

Claire let her eyes drift shut as Jamie kissed her with such tenderness that it nearly brought tears to her eyes. She could tell he was trying to communicate something to her, but she couldn’t quite decipher what it was. Or maybe it wasn’t that she couldn’t, but that she was scared because she felt the depth of what the message was. While in her heart she knew it to be true for her as well, but to be loved like this, so honestly and so gently, was overwhelming. 

But Claire did know that she enjoyed the feeling of Jamie’s hands on her body, and before they called it quits for the night, she wanted to set her confused emotions aside and just let herself savor this moment of connection and discovery with him. So, she eased back from his kisses, and grasped Jamie’s forearms, untangling herself from his arms so she could have access to his hands.

Jamie's face was inquisitive as Claire brought his hands down to the hem of her cami and guided his fingers underneath the soft material to rest on her bare skin just above her hips. 

“Sassenach, what do ye want?” Jamie breathed, his fingers lightly gripping her sides, sending new levels of electricity through Claire’s body. 

“Just curious what your hands would feel like on this part of my skin,” Claire smiled.

“And how do they feel, mo chridhe?”

“Mmmm, they feel lovely,” Claire sighed contentedly. 

“Do I have permission tae move them around? Tae explore some?” He asked, with a touch of hope and a touch of agony in his voice. 

Claire looked into his eyes, and breathed out a clear, soft “yes.”

“And ye will tell me if I have taken a wrong turn? If ye want me tae stop?” Jamie’s eyes held hers, wanting to make sure she felt safe and in control. 

“I promise, I will.”

As soon as the words left Claire’s mouth, Jamie’s hands tightened on her waist as he kissed her sweetly. His hands started roaming, his fingers lightly stroking across her stomach and across her lower ribs. Claire was certain that no one’s mere touch had ever left her so completely speechless. She could feel every single nerve ending where his hands and fingers grazed her, leaving her skin tingling with pleasure.

Jamie had such a cute look of concentration on his face as his hands roamed. Before her eyes flitted shut, she noticed his eyes kept darting back to her face, checking to make sure she was still enjoying herself. As his fingers inched higher, Claire could sense that he was moving more tentatively, unsure of where Claire’s boundaries might be. Claire wasn’t entirely sure she knew for herself, but as his fingers neared the bottom of her breasts, she felt no hesitation in letting his hands stray higher.

When Claire grabbed his right hand underneath her top, Jamie thought she was indicating she had enough for now. So when she very slowly nudged his hand up to cover her breast, he nearly passed out. He was already straining against his boxer briefs and now that his hand was holding her perfect breast, he tried not to think of how embarrassing it would be to spill himself in his pants. But Claire was in charge, and if she wanted his hands to traverse this territory, he would gladly follow her orders. 

Claire let out a fevered moan as Jamie’s thumb brushed against her nipple. Her hands, which had been laying relaxedly at her sides, reached up to clutch Jamie’s shoulders. She knew she was seconds away from letting herself give in to her basest desires. His hands felt like fire against her, and she wanted to be consumed by the flames. 

“Sassenach,” Jamie’s hoarse voice choked out, his hand still on her breast. “I think, mebbe we better stop for now. If you let out another moan like that, I am going tae need tae go back tae my apartment for a clean pair of underwear.”

A look of embarrassment flashed over Claie’s face as Jamie delicately removed his hands from underneath her shirt, letting his fingers drift slowly down her sides. He then placed a kiss on her forehead and lips before collapsing down next to her with a happy sounding groan. 

Claire hesitantly glanced down his body to discover that he was quite clearly aroused. His gray joggers were loose but not so much that she couldn’t see his erection was quite obvious. Desire and guilt surged through her simultaneously.

Prompted by the silence, Jamie looked over at Claire’s face, worry evident, as well as something else he couldn’t quite read.

“What’s wrong, Sassenach?”

“It’s just, um, well, I feel guilty for getting you all riled up and not doing anything to help. I feel like I teased you, and not in a good way.”

Jamie turned sharply to fully face Claire. “Ye did nothing of the sort, Claire. We were clear from the start we wouldna be doing that tonight and I knew full well what that would mean. I can scarcely look at ye without my cock twitching, and ye ken tis not the first time it's happened while we have been enjoying each other.” 

Claire bit her lower lip, not looking totally convinced that it was fine. “But, I was being selfish. Not thinking about what you might need, and, well, I could help if you wanted me to,” Claire’s hand tentatively caressed his stomach, and moved just slightly lower to indicate her meaning. 

Jamie lightly but firmly removed her hand from his stomach, lacing their fingers together before bringing her hand to his lips and placing a kiss on it. “Claire, did ye enjoy yerself tonight?”

Claire nodded.

“Weel, sae did I, and while I have nae doubt that I would thoroughly enjoy myself if ye placed yer hands on me, I dinna need that tae feel more than satisfied. What we did tonight was more than I could have asked for.”

Claire reached over and kissed Jamie softly before laying down next to him. He gently maneuvered them so he was spooning her, her back to his chest, their legs intertwined. A comfortable silence settled between them, both of them tired but buzzing from the night. 

As Claire felt sleep descending upon her, she drowsily whispered, “Tonight was the best night I’ve had in a long time. Thank you, Jamie.”

Jamie kissed the back of her head, whispering back, “Me too, Sassenach. And I promise ye we will have many more nights like this.”

They slept soundly in each other's arms, soothed by their hearts beating a shared steady rhythm. 

Chapter Text

Something was tickling him. He could feel whatever it was brushing the top of his hand and up his right arm. He was groggy as he drifted awake. Groggy from a sleep so deep that his body was protesting being awoken from such a contented night. The tickling continued, across his collarbones and up his neck to his jaw and cheekbones. It wasn’t really a tickle, he thought. More like small jolts of electricity that his body craved more of. 

When it moved to his eyelids, Jamie let out a soft hum before opening his eyes to discover the source of this sensation. 

“Sassenach,” he yawned, “Just what exactly are ye doing, lass?”

Claire was propped up next to him, her head resting on one hand while the other lightly traced over Jamie’s forehead. She smiled at his sleepy question.

“Just trying to commit every part of you to memory, is all. As a doctor, you see, it is important that I have a strong understanding of anatomy, and there’s no better way to learn than up close.”

Jamie grumbled. “I better be the only person ye are getting this close with, Sassenach.”

Claire kissed his lips softly. “The one and only. You are such a perfect specimen that I can learn all I need right here.”

Jamie pulled her in for a more thorough good morning kiss, and Claire let out a happy sigh as his hand found its way under the hem of her shirt and rested on her waist. Claire never thought of herself as particularly small, but every time one or both of Jamie’s hands touched her, she marveled at how large they were and how much territory they could cover. Not for the first time, her mind drifted to how his hands might feel lower down on her body. “Soon,” she thought to herself. “But I’m not ready yet.”  

When Jamie ended the kiss, he rested his forehead against Claire’s and whispered, “Good morning, Sassenach,” which, he thought, would never get old. Waking up in the morning to her right beside him was the best sight in the world.

“Mmmm, good morning,” Claire mumbled back, as she settled against him, her head resting on his chest. 

“Do ye have any plans today, Sassenach?” 

Claire yawned. “What day is it? Saturday?”

Jamie chuckled. His poor lass was always so busy that it was not the first time she had to be reminded of what day it was. She moved from one day to the next with such focus and determination that it was easy for her to lose track of time. 

“Aye, ‘tis Saturday. I have nae plans and if ye are free as well, mebbe we could do something?” 

“That would be lovely. If I am not working on Saturdays, I usually go to a yoga class at the studio down the road and then I stop at the cafe right next to it after for coffee and a pastry. They have the best croissants.”

“Would ye mind if I join ye? Tis okay if ye would rather not have me intrude on yer “you” time but it sounds like a perfect way tae spend the morning.” 

Claire looked at him skeptically. “Have you ever done yoga?”

“I’ve taken a class or two. Canna say I am anything but a beginner, but I ken the basics,” Jamie replied, running his fingers through her hair. 

“Good. The class is for people at all experience levels, so you should be fine. Oh this will be fun!” Claire said excitedly. “I’m worried you are going to distract me from my own practice, but I like getting to do things with you.”

“Aye, me too, lass. And ye think ye will be distracted? What about me? Ye are going to be in those wee leggings of yers, showing off that perfect arse. I’m likely tae fall on my face because I will be tae busy looking at ye.”

Claire giggled and lightly smacked him on the chest. “You are ridiculous.” She grabbed her phone off the nightstand to check the time. “The class starts in about an hour, so we better get ourselves ready.”

Jamie groaned but shifted himself to sit up. “Can I at least have one more kiss before we do that?” He asked, giving her the cutest puppy dog eyes Claire had ever seen. 

“Well, if you must,” Claire replied dramatically, with a smirk on her face. 

—

Their “one last kiss” turned into a full ten minute makeout session, which resulted in them scrambling to get to the yoga studio on time. They giggled as they speed walked hand-in-hand to the studio, arriving with large smiles and flushed faces. Once they were signed in, they set up their mats right next to one another, and chatted happily while they waited for class to start. 

The class was packed full, and Jamie quickly understood why. Their instructor was phenomenal. Her passion for yoga was obvious and she was such an effective communicator. Nothing felt rushed and she made sure to make it a fun and accessible experience for everyone in the room. Jamie struggled with some of the more complicated movements, partly because he wasn’t the most flexible person and partly because he wasn’t used to moving his rather large frame into such positions. 

But Claire…she was a wonder. Everytime he looked over at her, she was moving her body with such grace and fluidity. She effortlessly contorted her lithe body into the most complicated poses with a deep concentration on her face. She was poetry in motion and he never wanted to look away. 

After class, they made their way to the cafe, where they ordered lattes and croissants before finding a table right next to the window. 

“Sassenach, how did ye become sae good a yoga?” Jamie asked as he sipped his latte.

“Oh, I am not that good,” Claire said with a dismissive wave of her hand. 

“Lass, I have eyes and they clearly saw that ye were the best student in class. Ye were doing poses that even the instructor was struggling with.”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” Claire said. “I first started going to classes in uni. They were free at the university gym a few nights a week, and I figured it would be something fun to do. And I’ve just sort of kept at it ever since,” she shared, pausing as if she was debating about whether or not she wanted to say more. She took a deep breath and continued.

“And when things started to get bad with Frank, I started going to classes a lot. Almost everyday if I could manage it.” Jamie grabbed her hand and gave it a tight squeeze. “He was just so controlling about everything, including my body. He was always criticizing how I looked and what I wore. Always suggesting that he would be so much happier if I just lost five kilos. Going to yoga classes became a way for me to take back control of my body. For me to remember that my body was strong and powerful and mine. And I could get out of my head and just be in the moment. Away from all of it.”

Claire was looking down at their clasped hands as she spoke, worried that she was oversharing and ruining the fun morning they were having. But she wanted to be honest. She had spent so long trying to comport herself to Frank’s specifications, hiding so much of herself that she at times worried that she would never again be able to find who she was when not performing what was expected. She was expected to defer to Frank’s opinion and never her own. Expected to hold back from sharing her own truth if it meant that it went against what Frank thought was proper. Claire was still learning how to not be afraid of sharing her opinions with Jamie, learning that he wanted them and would respect them. She hated Frank for making her believe otherwise. 

“Thank ye for telling me that, Claire. I’m sae proud of ye for doing what ye could to protect and take care of yerself. ‘Tis no small thing,” he said softly. “Can I ask ye something, Sassenach?”

Claire looked up at him to find his eyes looking intently at her, a concern and compassion on his face. 

“You can.”

“‘Tis a hard question. Ye dinna have tae answer if ye would rather not, so please don’t feel like ye have tae. But I am curious what made ye finally decide to leave that bastard over the summer. What was the breaking point?”

Claire looked at their hands, Jamie’s still resting on top of her’s. His thumb was gently rubbing the spot just at the base of her thumb. The simple contact steadied Claire, reminding her that she was safe here with Jamie. 

“I told you a while ago that Frank never physically hurt me, which is the truth. But near the end, I started to suspect that if I stayed any longer, he would,” Claire started. “We were arguing a lot. He was increasingly frustrated with my going to medical school, as it meant that I was hardly ever home and when I was, my attention was on my studies and not on him. But after years of not standing up for myself, I refused to let him take my desire to be a doctor away from me.”

Claire was talking to their clasped hands, not making eye contact with Jamie. It was easier to share if she could pretend she was speaking to no one, to get it all out before she let his reactions dictate how much she shared. She knew he would be angry on her behalf, and as much as he wanted to protect her from harm, she wanted to do the same for him. So it was easier not to look at him. 

“One day, I came home late from studying, and I found Frank sitting on the couch, halfway through a bottle of brandy. He was seething and before I knew it, he was in my face, calling me just the most vile names; I was a “ungrateful slut”, a “frigid bitch,” a “worthless whore,” and he detailed the ways in which I failed to meet his standards. The name calling was nothing new, but the intensity of it was, and then he started threatening me in ways he had never done before. Telling me he would lock me in the apartment so I could no longer go to school. And then, as I was trying to walk out of the room, he picked up a large decorative bowl that was sitting on the table and threw it on the floor, close to my feet. As I watched ceramic shards fly all over, I could suddenly see my future if I stayed. So, as quickly as I could, I packed a bag and left.”

Claire chanced a look at Jamie. His jaw was set and his eyes were fiery. Claire could tell he was trying to control his anger, as he took deliberately slow inhales and exhales. Jamie’s hand was still resting on hers, so she flipped her hand over to interlace their fingers together. At that, Jamie’s expression softened some. 

“Claire, every time ye tell me more of what that man put ye through…” He shook his head, not sure how to even finish the sentence. “I’m just sae glad ye found a way out. That ye found the strength tae walk away, knowing ye deserve better. I am in awe of ye, Sassenach.”

Jamie leaned over the small table and lightly kissed her lips, equally wanting to convey his admiration and needing to steady himself. Her lips were his salvation, and the only thing in this moment that would stop him from getting on the next train to London to tear Frank Randall apart, limb by limb.

—

They stayed at the cafe a little longer, Claire sharing a bit more about the steps she had to take to transfer universities in the middle of medical school, and about how helpful Geillis was in getting her settled in Scotland. As they walked back home, hand-in-hand, Jamie found himself thinking about everything that had transpired in the last twenty-four hours. Not even. From the moment he picked Claire up for their date until now, a contented happiness he had never felt settled over him. Even through the difficult conversation at the cafe. It felt like the first day of the rest of their lives, where they would be together, seeing each other through their hardships while also bringing the other levels of joy and satisfaction they never knew were possible. 

Once they made it back to their apartments, they cautiously separated, both admitting they had chores to take care of and Claire also needed to get ready for school to start again on Monday. After a very thorough goodbye kiss and agreeing to meet for dinner at Jamie’s that evening, both saw themselves into their own apartments, not able to keep the smiles off of their faces. 

—

Claire yawned as she walked to the hospital on Thursday morning. The first week of the new term, and her last of medical school, was kicking her butt, despite having no lectures and only needing to complete eight clinical hours per week. She would sit her final final exams in mid-April, the culmination of years of learning, hard work, and commitment, and the next several months would be dedicated to rigorous revision. Her days, when not at work or in clinic, were spent in study groups and optional lectures aimed at refreshing once familiar, now fuzzy concepts. Every part of medical school had been a mental, emotional, and physical challenge, and this last bit, she was beginning to realize, would be no exception.

It was maybe not the best time to be dating? in a relationship? with her kind-hearted, sinfully gorgeous, thoroughly Scottish neighbor, but, even less than a week after their first date, Claire found that his more consistent presence in her life only helped ameliorate her stress and not add to it. She just hoped that he remained patient as her schedule continued to descend into madness. 

After spending much of their weekend together, Claire had only been able to properly see Jamie on Tuesday night for dinner together at his place. But they had still managed to share a bed together most nights since last Friday, even if it meant Jamie sleepily opening his door for Claire well after midnight so she could sleep in his arms. There were hurried good morning kisses and lingering goodbye ones, never enough for either of them but also more than either of them expected so early in their new…whatever it was. Claire hoped it was a relationship, that Jamie wanted to be her boyfriend, it was just that they hadn’t gotten around to discussing it yet, so until they did, she would continue to muddle through in explaining to herself whatever they were. 

As she walked into the hospital, her phone pinged several times in quick succession. Once she was in the elevator, she pulled her phone from her bag, a smile on her face when she saw the messages. 

5:13AM <<J: Good morning, Sassenach!>>

5:13AM <<J: I’m sorry Adso and I were sae grumpy when yer alarm went off this morning>>

5:14AM <<J: We just really wanted five more minutes tae snuggle with ye and were sad ye had tae leave sae early>>

Claire laughed at that. The pair had, indeed, been quite grumpy when her alarm started sounding this morning. Jamie groaned and pulled her tighter against him while Adso let out a loud, irritated meow when she finally managed to get out of bed. 

5:14AM <<J: Have a good day, mo nighean donn. Text me when ye get home later. xx>>

Claire quickly texted him back, wishing him luck on the event he was running that evening, and not so subtly suggesting he would be welcome to join her in bed once he got home. 

“What has ye grinning like the cat that ate the canary?” Came Geillis’s far too chipper voice.

Claire stowed her phone in her pocket before shoving the rest of her belongings in her assigned locker. She had forgotten that she and Geillis were working the same shift today and was immediately grateful to see her friend. Their schedules lately had been extra incompatible, meaning the two had not seen each other since before Claire went on her first date with Jamie. 

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just a good morning text from Jamie,” Claire replied, pulling her hair up into a messy bun.

“And how is the wee fox cub, then?” Geillis asked. “Ye texted that yer date went well, but ye didn’t say how well,” Geillis waggled her eyebrows, her meaning clear. 

Claire sighed happily. “The date was amazing. It was fun and romantic, and despite being a nervous wreck before, as soon as Jamie picked me up, all of my nerves were calmed when I saw that he was nervous too.”

“And did ye…?”

Claire rolled her eyes and laughed. “You are so nosy. No, we did not. We did do some…exploring though.” Claire felt a blush creeping into her cheeks, the memories of that night, and some subsequent ones running through her mind. 

“Ah, look at ye blushing! I am happy for ye, Claire. After all ye have been through, I am glad tae see ye sae smitten,” Geillis said, shutting her locker. 

“Thanks, Geillie. Everything so far with him has been so perfect, and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. But even when I told him sex was off the table for now, he told me that we would go at whatever pace I need and he seemed completely unbothered by it. But what if it takes me months to feel ready? Or what if I never am? He is going to get frustrated and leave, right?”

Claire could feel her anxiety getting the best of her, and she started pacing around the breakroom, wringing her hands as she looked to Geillis for reassurance. 

Geillis walked over to her friend and placed her hands on her shoulders, squeezing them gently. 

“Claire, ye have been through a lot. Frank was a piece of shit, and the way he treated ye was heinous. Ye have every right tae be scared of that happening tae ye again. And I willna stand here and say ye just need tae get over it and move on. But I will say this. From everything ye have shared about Jamie, and from what I observed when I saw the two of ye at the bonfire, he seems worth the risk. That doesna mean he won’t break yer heart. He might. Or ye might break his. But I think if ye want tae risk yer heart again, there will be nae better person tae do it for than Jamie.”

Claire nodded, taking in Geillis’s words.

“And, I think, with time, ye will find yerself wanting tae have sex with him. Ye still have a lot of healing tae do, and yer body and mind are working through it, but sae long as ye keep communicating clearly with Jamie about where ye are and how ye feel, I think, with time, ye will trust yerself enough again to give yerself tae him fully.”

Claire pulled Geillis in for a tight hug. “Thanks, Geillie. You know, despite your sass you truly are a romantic at heart.”

Geillis gasped as she pulled away from Claire. “How dare ye say such a thing.” she laughed. 

Together they left the break room and went to start their shift. 

—

Saturday night brought heavy, cold rains, so instead of going out for dinner like they planned, Jamie convinced Claire to come to his apartment for takeaway and TV. It wasn’t the most romantic evening, he admitted, but at least they would be warm and dry instead of soaked and freezing. Besides, he thought to himself as he tidied his apartment before her arrival, there were far fewer opportunities to cuddle when you were out at a restaurant. And all he wanted was Claire in his arms. 

It had been just two weeks since their first date, and because of work schedules and Claire’s school schedule, they hadn’t found time to go out together again. Instead, they caught quick dinners together at either of their apartments or crawled into the other’s bed after a long day of work or studying, just happy to see each other for a few moments before they fell asleep in each other’s arms. He found, in the hours or days they were apart, he craved her presence. The way her proximity eased the mundane stress of work, of life, from him. The way her laugh reverberated through his body and settled into his bones. The way her touch tethered her heart to his, leaving him softened and nourished. He lived for those moments, and felt greedy for needing more of them. But he sensed Claire felt the same, based on how tightly she curled her body into his and how her entire being relaxed at the sight of him. 

Tonight, Jamie hoped, would be no different. 

Claire arrived with heavy takeaway bags in both of her hands, having insisted that it was her turn to get them dinner. They chatted about their days as they filled their plates with Mediterranean food, Claire having ordered way too much, as always. 

Seeking warmth and wanting to be as close to each other as possible, they opted for the couch instead of the kitchen table, sitting right next to one another as they ate. Before long, their bellies were full and a contented silence settled between them as Claire rested her head on Jamie’s shoulder.

“Sassenach?” Jamie eventually asked, breaking the silence.

“Mhmm?” She hummed. 

“This is mebbe a silly question, but I was talking tae Jenny the other day and she asked if ye were my girlfriend, and I dinnae ken how tae answer,” Jamie started. “And I am fine if ye would rather not be just yet, I am just curious if I should just keep saying we are dating or if there is a different way I should be talking about our relationship.”

Claire pulled back to look at him, a mix of worry and hope dancing in her eyes. 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend? Are you okay saying we are in a relationship?” Claire asked, not wanting to force him into something that he might not be ready for either.

Jamie shifted so he was facing Claire, taking both of her hands in his. 

“More than anything, Sassenach. Ye are the first person I think of each morning and my last thought before I sleep is of ye. I may not have much experience in relationships, but I ken I canna, dinna want tae, imagine my life without ye in it. Sae, yes. I want tae be in a relationship with ye. If that means ye call me yer boyfriend, then I’ll be that too.”

Claire’s eyes had welled with tears at the fervency of his words, relieved that they were on the same page, giddy by how certain he was. She squeezed his hands tightly. 

“I want that too,” she said, leaning in to kiss his lips lightly. “And, I guess that means you can call me your girlfriend, though I will always prefer it when you call me Sassenach.” She kissed him one more time, huge smiles on both of their faces. 

Jamie eased back from the kiss, and pulled Claire back into his arms so they could cuddle some more. Claire nestled in close to him, her fingers fiddling with the sleeve on his sweater.

“Something on yer mind, Sassenach?” Jamie asked.

Claire’s fingers stilled, and she glanced up at him with an abashed smile. 

“Well, it’s just that, you just mentioned not having been in a lot of other relationships, and I realized that while I have prattled on and on to you about Frank, I haven’t once asked you about your relationship history. Not that I need to know, but more that, well, I think it is helpful to know what your experience has been.”

Jamie’s fingers had made their way to her hair, gently combing through her curls and softly massaging her scalp. 

“I will tell ye anything ye want tae know, Sassenach, though, in this case, there isna much tae tell. When I was in secondary school, I shared a few kisses with some lassies I was smitten with, but it never went beyond kissing, and I didna date any of them. At uni, I had a girlfriend for about a year. Annaliese. She was French and came to Edinburgh for a year abroad. I was in lust more than anything else, and by the time she was tae go back tae France, I had realized that besides a shared physical interest, we had nothing in common.”

Claire couldn’t help but scoff, knowing she had no reason to be jealous of a relationship that ended nearly, what?, five years ago. But she was, just a little. And maybe she was also worried that Jamie didn’t lust after her the same way he did this Annaliese. He was a young, virile man, and here she was, denying him a chance to express that part of himself. 

“And after Annaliese? After uni?” Claire asked, hoping she could withstand whatever else he had to share. 

Jamie shrugged. “There’s nothing much more tae share. I’ve been on a few dates here and there, but between the grief of my da dying and a busy work schedule, I havena really made it a priority.”

Claire looked up at him, confusion on her face. “Do you mean to tell me that you haven’t slept with anyone in five years?” 

Jamie laughed at the incredulity in her voice. “Aye, I suppose it’s been that long. Why are ye so surprised, Sassenach?”

Claire gaped at him, sitting up so she was at his eye level. “Well, look at you!”

Jamie raised an eyebrow, suggesting she should continue her explanation.

“You are unbelievably attractive, and charming, and so kind, and women must be throwing themselves at you, and you just are content to not sow your oats?”

“Sow my oats? Sassenach, I think ye ken me well enough by now tae ken that I am not like that. My da taught me tae respect women, and part of that is tae not be casual with where I am spreading my seed.” 

Claire blushed, but wasn’t totally convinced. “But you must…”

“Must what?”

“Must have…urges,” Claire blurted out.

Jamie opened his mouth to respond, but then shut it, seemingly debating what he wanted to say next.

“Sassenach, I really dinna want tae think about ye and that bastard being intimate. Nor do I want tae cause ye harm by asking, but if ye are willing, when is the last time ye had sex? And I mean because ye wanted tae, not because that scum forced it on ye.”

Claire bit her lip, considering. “Probably about a year ago? Long enough ago that I can’t quite remember when.”

“And in the time since, have ye had…urges, as ye call them?”

Claire nodded, not wanting to say how often her urges had been about him more recently. 

“Aye, and have ye left yerself wanting every time or have ye found ways tae satisfy yer urges?” Jamie asked delicately.

Claire felt her cheeks turn from slightly flushed to full on aflame at his questions. More than once, especially on recent nights when she and Jamie were not able to see one another, she had definitely indulged herself while thinking of him. How his large hands would feel beneath her underwear. How his stubble would scratch against her inner thighs. 

“I may have been able to satiate those urges a few times,” Claire responded carefully. 

Jamie kissed her flushed cheek before whispering into her ear.

“I can see tae myself just fine, too, lass. And until ye might be ready for me tae see tae yer urges, I will happily take care of myself, sae long as it means I get tae hold ye and kiss ye.”

At that, he placed a scorching kiss to her lips, effectively ending the conversation portion of the evening. 

Chapter Text

A full month passed between their first official date and their planned second one. January’s dark, cold days became February’s with no discernable change except for the dwindling of the hope that ushered in a new year into the hardened reality of life. Except, not for Jamie. January’s hope came in the form of Claire becoming his, and the sheer joy of that reality buoyed him through the start of February, leaving him infinitely more cheerful than the rest of his colleagues and customers. 

It was the first Saturday of the month and, as such, Jamie was at the bookstore catching up on the last of the paperwork from January. He begrudgingly left Claire’s bed that morning in order to get everything completed by early afternoon, so Claire could take them on their second official date. Jamie and Claire both agreed that it seemed a bit silly to call it just their second date, given the numerous dinners they shared and because they had spent more nights sleeping in the same bed than not ever since their first date. But, as Claire pointed out earlier in the week, eating dinner in one of their apartments and exhaustedly collapsing into bed together were not actually dates but more life necessities that they decided to do together. Still lovely but lacking a certain romance and intimacy. Today, however, was them intentionally going outside of their normal routine, this time with Claire having planned something that remained top secret. 

Jamie sighed and glanced at the clock, wishing time would move faster. 

—

Claire nervously tugged on the hem of her tweed miniskirt as she stood outside of Jamie’s door, waiting for him. She knew she shouldn’t be nervous. Jamie would certainly love what she planned. But even after all of the time they had spent together the last month, she couldn’t help but feel like she had to impress him. Despite having zero evidence to confirm her anxiety, she worried that if it didn’t go perfectly, or even if it did, he would find something to criticize, find some way to belittle her. She knew it was the trauma she experienced with Frank driving her irrational thoughts, but knowing as much didn’t magically solve her anxiety. Instead, it compounded it. 

Just as she could feel the panic building in the pit of her stomach, Jamie’s door swung open, and the mere sight of him, his roguish smile, was all she needed for the tension to transform into happy butterflies. 

“Hi, Sassenach,” he greeted, placing an all too short kiss to her lips before he stepped aside to let her in. 

“I just need tae get Adso some fresh water and then I will be ready tae go,” he said as he turned to walk to the kitchen. 

Claire leaned against the back of his couch and took him in as he completed the task. He was wearing a perfectly fitted pair of black jeans with a gray sweater over a white button-down shirt. She had told him to dress not as fancy as their first date, but slightly more fancy than his usual around the house joggers and t-shirts. Her flushed cheeks and rapidly beating heart approved of this subtly seductive outfit. 

“Okay, Sassenach, I’m all set. Are ye ready tae go?” Jamie asked as he walked over to where she was still leaning. 

“Yes, but first,” Claire said as she pulled him closer to him, their lips meeting in a blistering kiss that left Jamie dizzy and breathless at its intensity.

“No that I’m complaining, lass, but what was that for?” Jamie gasped out, his fingers lighting tracing his lips. 

“Just wanted to,” Claire shrugged. “And you look hot,” she winked.

Heat suffused Jamie’s cheeks as Claire leaned in to give him one more soft kiss. He was pretty sure that he would never not blush with delight and desire when Claire complimented him. Or outright flirted with him, which she was doing now. 

“Weel,” Jamie said, looking her up and down, taking in her sweater and short skirt, paired with thick tights and knee-high boots, “ye are looking quite gorgeous yerself.” His hands wandered from her hips to her skirt-covered butt, pulling her tight to him, while his mouth explored her neck.

Claire’s heart was racing as Jamie’s lips made their way from one side of her neck to the other, and then up to that spot just underneath her ear that he knew elicited something deeply primal in her. A moan escaped her lips before she could contain it, her head falling back to give Jamie more access. 

All too soon, Jamie stepped back, leaving Claire momentarily dazed and confused and panting hard. Jamie laced their fingers together, soothing Claire’s frustration at the loss of contact between them, and tugged them to the door so they could head out on their adventure. 

—

Despite it being a date that Claire planned, Jamie insisted on driving them to wherever they were meant to be going. Instead of telling Jamie outright the location of their date, Claire gave him step-by-step directions, navigating him to a car park near the restaurant where they went on their first date. They walked hand-in-hand until they were outside of Edinburgh Central Library, a smile on Claire’s face and a look of confusion on Jamie’s.

“The library, Sassenach? Dinna get me wrong, I love it here, but it seems tae be a strange place tae go on a date, no?”

Claire’s smile only grew larger at his question, and instead of answering, she just pulled him up the stairs of the main entrance, exhaling contentedly as they stepped into the warmth of the lobby. Claire had snuck in a quick visit a few days ago so she would be familiar with the library for their date, but she still couldn’t help but marvel at the beautiful architecture, her eyes darting in all directions. A gentle squeeze of Jamie’s hand pulled her attention back to his inquisitive eyes.

“So,” Claire began. “I wanted to plan something that would let us get to know each other better, and that involved something you were interested in. You did such an amazing job planning our first date, and making sure it was something that aligned with my own interests, and I wanted to reciprocate. Since it is too cold for most of the outdoors things you love to do, I thought something involving books would be perfect.”

“I dinna disagree with ye about yer logic, Sassenach. But are we just gonna sit and read in silence together?” Jamie teased.

Claire rolled her eyes. “Let me finish. We are going on a book scavenger hunt.” Claire pulled two envelopes and pens from her bag and handed one of each to Jamie. 

“In the envelope, you will find a list of ten prompts about books, like “a book that has made you cry," "a book that you hate,” and so on. We will each take some time to brainstorm and jot down responses to the prompts, and then go off and try to find a copy of the book on the shelves. After about thirty minutes of looking, we will meet downstairs in the Scottish collection area and share what we have found.”

Claire bit her lip and looked at Jamie, nervous that he would find the idea silly. But, instead, his eyes sparkled and he had a look of joyful wonder on his face. Claire felt an easing inside of her chest, relieved to know that he seemed excited by their task ahead. 

“I have only one question for ye, Sassenach,” Jamie stated, a smirk emerging on his face.

“And what would that be?” Claire asked, desperately wishing she could kiss that smirk off of his face. 

“What is my prize if I should find more of my books than ye do?”

Claire sighed. “Why is it that men need to turn everything into a competition? Are you really in need of a prize for finding more books? Isn’t the prize that we get to learn more about each other?”

Jamie pulled them to a quiet corner of the library lobby, her back against a wall as his warmth enveloping her as he leaned in to whisper into her ear. 

“I just wanted tae be sure that I dinnae miss an opportunity tae makeout with ye in the stacks,” his low voice rumbled in her ear as he placed a quick kiss on the side of her neck. 

“And what,” Claire purred, her hands playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, “makes you think that you are going to win? What happens if I win and deny you of your fantasy?”

“I can be verra persuasive, lass, and I think I can convince ye that my prize idea is mutually beneficial,” Jamie leaned his forehead against Claire’s, his eyes drifting shut as her fingers continued to stroke the base of his scalp. 

“Hmm, well I guess we should get started and see what happens,” Claire muttered, kissing his lips softly before gently pushing him away. Both of them were breathing hard, and a smitten giggle unfurled between them as they took in the other’s flushed cheeks and desire-glazed eyes. 

“Shall we get started?” Claire asked. 

—

Claire was having the best time exploring the library stacks, familiarizing herself with where different genres were located, and expanding her “to read” list as she did so. She knew Jamie had a clear advantage, already being intimately familiar with the layout and organization of Edinburgh’s central library. But Claire, so far, had successfully found six of the ten books on her list. There were only eight minutes left before they were to meet up, which had her desperately combing the shelves for a book about medicine that answered the prompt “a book that inspires you.”

She let out a frustrated sigh as she skimmed the shelves, not able to find what she was looking for.

“Do ye need help, dearie?” A kindly, older woman pushing a cart full of books asked.

“I am looking for a book by the author Atul Gawande, and I think, if you have a copy, it should be located here,” Claire shared.

“Well, let’s have a look and see,” the woman said, getting out her phone and pulling up the library’s catalog. “Hmm, it looks like you are in the wrong section, my dear. Mr. Gawande’s books are in the medical section, not just general non-fiction. Let me walk you there.”

The woman motioned for Claire to follow her, weaving her through the endless rows of stacks to the right section. 

“Here you are, lovely,” the woman said, pulling the book Claire needed off the shelf and handing it to her. “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Claire gave her a warm smile. “Not today. Thank you so much, Ms…”

“Ms. Graham, dearie. And you are?”

“Claire Beauchamp, ma’am.”

“Well, it has been wonderful helping you today, Miss Beauchamp. I do hope to see you visiting the library again soon.”

The women parted with warm goodbyes, and Claire looked at her phone, only just now realizing she was about to be late to meet Jamie. She hurried down three flights of stairs, slightly winded as she attempted to hold on to all seven books she was carrying. When she reached the Scottish wing, she looked all over for Jamie, wondering if she beat him there. 

“Sassenach,” a quiet whisper came from behind her. Claire spun around to see Jamie waving her down from a secluded corner of the room, where his own stack of books were piled high on a table placed between two very cozy looking chintz armchairs. 

Once Claire made her way over and piled up her own books, Jamie rearranged their chairs so they were right next to one another, instead of with the table in between them.

“How’d ye do, Sassenach?” Jamie asked as they both settled into the chairs.

“I’ve got seven of the ten. I couldn’t find two of them and didn’t have time to look for the last one.”

“Well done, lass. I managed nine of the ten, sae I guess I will get to claim my prize a bit later,” Jamie said with a wink. 

Claire playfully rolled her eyes. “We will see about that. Now, let’s talk books.”

—

A full two hours passed as they talked about the different books they picked for each prompt, sharing stories about why a book, a story, a character was so important to them. Jamie learned more about Claire’s childhood traveling the world with her uncle, and how books were her companions on long flights and boring dig days in the middle of nowhere. And he got to share with Claire how he used science fiction to escape from the grief of his mom and brother’s deaths, specifically talking about how the works of Octavia Butler transformed his understanding of the genre. He marveled at how much easier it was to share vulnerable things this way, but was unsurprised at the power books held over them. 

“Weel, that certainly explains a lot, Sassenach,” Jamie chuckled after Claire shared that Pippi Longstocking was her favorite fictional character. 

“And what exactly does that mean?” Claire asked with mock shock.

“It means, ye and Pippi certainly share several of the same, verra admirable traits, sae ye telling me she is yer all-time favorite character in literature just makes sense.”

“Tell me more about these “admirable traits” that Pippi and I share then,” Claire prompted.

“Let’s see,” Jamie said, pretending to think hard. “Ye and Pippi are both fiercely kind and stubbornly independent. Ye dinna do things just tae please others, but because they are right, even if they are hard. And much like Pippi, ye’ve got a wee bit of a rebellious streak, though I think yer still holding back on me some. And, most importantly, both ye and Pippi are incredibly strong. Now, I ken that Pippi’s is more of a physical strength, and based on how hard ye wrap yer arms around me, ye certainly are too. But it is yer mental and emotional strength that I admire most. Ye are brave and determined, and loyal, above all else, tae who ye are and those worthy of ye friendship.”

Claire was expecting a joke answer, and instead, Jamie’s heartfelt response left her mouth agape. 

“Jamie,” she breathed, tenderly running her fingers down his cheek before leaning in to kiss him. 

The kiss started out soft and sweet, if not completely appropriate for the library, certainly not scandalizing in its initial intent. Maybe it was Claire gently tugging at Jamie’s hair at the base of his neck. Maybe it was Jamie curiously swiping his tongue across Claire’s lips. Who could really say? But before either of them could fully process what was happening, Claire found herself sitting on Jamie’s lap, quietly gasping for breath as his lips moved down her neck. 

Despite being nearly fully consumed with Jamie and how he was alternating between soft kisses and light bites on her neck, Claire found her last vestiges of lucidity, placing her hands on his shoulder and gently pushing herself away from him. 

They both were dazed and just stared at each other for a few moments before breaking into giggles, grateful that they were in a slightly secluded corner of the library.

“Just had tae make sure I claimed my prize before we left, Sassenach,” Jamie whispered as he kissed her flushed cheek. “Ye ending up in my lap was an added bonus.”

“Well, I suppose I just wanted to be sure that your expectations were met,” Claire said, a hint of teasing sarcasm in her voice. “Now, I believe we have covered all of our prompts, and it might be a good idea if we leave now before we get kicked out for any further indecent behavior you might be planning.”

“Me? Ye are the one that sat on my lap, Sassenach. And ye dinnae seem tae protest when my lips were on ye,” Jamie playfully scoffed. 

“I did quite enjoy that, and am looking forward to them being on me again soon,” Claire acquiesced. 

Jamie leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled back, making Jamie pout. 

“Come on,” Claire said as she extracted herself from his lap before extending her hand out to his. “Let’s go have dinner and then maybe we can go home and find some new places for your lips to explore.”

All of the blood in Jamie’s body went south as he took in the smirk on Claire’s face. He somehow managed to grab her hand and stand up, his whole body alight at her touch. 

–

For dinner, Claire found a trendy new pub that promised classic Scottish fare with a slight twist. The place was lively and loud, but Jamie managed to find them a quiet table that was near the back corner of the restaurant. Their dinners were delicious. Claire raved about her bangers and mash, while Jamie devoured his fish and chips. Throughout the entire meal, there was a palpable heat between them and the glances they exchanged. It wasn’t new, Claire found herself thinking, but it had elevated to a new level, one that held a different sort of promise and certainty. She knew she was in control, that Jamie would let her set the boundaries of whatever might happen between them. And she wanted more. 

When Claire excused herself to go to the restroom, Jamie couldn’t help but watch the sway of her hips and bounce of her curls as she walked away. The energy between them today had shifted into something…more. More pronounced. More electric. More urgent. His body was thrumming with need, not of her body so much as her entire being. He was ready to give her his soul, ready for her to firmly hold his own heart in hers, and he knew that no amount of words would ever be able to convey the certainty he had that she was meant to be the one to possess his own being. He would give as much of himself to her tonight as she was ready for. 

Their drive home was quiet; fingers laced together on the seat between them while Jamie drove one-handed. His thumb was making small circles against her hand, sending waves of exhilaration through her. Their walk upstairs was similarly quiet, hands still entwined. As they stood outside Claire’s door, Jamie felt a thrill of nervous energy move through him just as Claire closed the gap between him and kissed him. Her lips moved assertively over his as her hands moved up his arms and shoulders before hooking around his neck. Jamie’s hands were similarly active, pulling her hips tight against his own before settling on the small of her back. Their kisses were fervent, leaving them both breathless when Jamie pulled away.

“Sassenach,” he whispered.

“Come inside?” Claire asked, already turning to unlock her door. 

Once inside, Claire felt dueling waves of nervousness and desire sweep through her as she set down her bag and turned on the lights. The touch of his hand on her waist steadied her and before she could overthink what she wanted, she grabbed his hand and pulled him with her to her bedroom. 

Claire shed her coat, throwing it on the chair in the corner of her room, and watched as Jamie did the same. Communicate , she thought to herself, as she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

“What do ye need, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, his own arms encircling her. 

“You,” she whispered into his chest. “I’m…” Claire hesitated. “I want more, Jamie.”

“You can have whatever ye want, Sassenach,” he whispered, his lips against hers. “I’m yours.”

Her lips were on his with a searing kiss before he even finished his short sentence, stealing his breath. He didn’t need it anyway. She was his oxygen. Claire edged him toward the bed, and when his legs hit the edge of it, he sat down, pulling her with him so she straddle his lap. When her tongue snaked against his, Jamie’s groan was visceral. 

Claire’s hands were at the hem of his sweater, tugging at it. Jamie eased back from her lips to pull it over his head, revealing the button down shirt that was underneath it.

“Why did you wear so many shirts?” Claire whined, her fingers moving to unbutton him. 

Jamie chuckled. “My apologies, Sassenach. I only wanted tae stay warm.”

Claire’s fingers worked deftly, revealing his broad, slightly hairy chest as he shrugged out of the shirt. No matter how many times she had seen him shirtless, she would never not marvel at the breadth of him. Her fingers ached to touch every part of him. To chart the distance across his expansive shoulders. To map the terrain of his toned chest and stomach. She wanted every part of his flesh to have a memory of her touch, for her fingers to know every scar, every crevice of him. 

So she pushed him back to lay on the bed, letting herself explore with light touches and feathery kisses. Her lips would need to know the whole of him too. 

Jamie let his eyes drift shut as Claire moved over him, happy to let her further investigate an increasingly familiar terrain. There was something more intentional in her ministrations, as if she was working to imprint herself into his skin with every caress of fingers and lips. He was all too happy to oblige, wanting nothing more than to be suffused by her. 

When Claire’s lips found his again, Jamie grew impatient, his hands taking purchase beneath her sweater and grazing her sides, eliciting a moan from Claire. Her sweater came off quickly, revealing a black-lace bra that Claire went to unclasp. 

In the month they had been together, their intimacy never strayed beyond Jamie’s uncovered chest and Claire’s covered, braless one. His hands learned the shape of her, every curve, every soft line of her body through touch alone, not needing to see her to know she was perfectly made for him. So as her bra slowly slid down her arms, revealing more of herself to him than ever before, Jamie was pretty sure he would not survive the night. Before he even could process what he was doing, he flipped them, Claire beneath him as he stared down at her, his eyes consuming every inch of bare skin with voraciousness. 

A blush spread across Claire’s face and upper chest as Jamie’s eyes, blown wide, devoured every inch of bare skin, causing her to squirm self-consciously beneath him. 

“Jamie,” she rasped out. “Please say something.”

Jamie’s eyes shifted to hers, which were equally blown but also filled with nervousness. He leaned his forehead down to touch hers, his lips brushing hers.

“Sassenach, ye are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen,” Jamie whispered as he placed fluttering kisses on her lips. “I am overwhelmed by yer beauty, Claire, and desperate tae taste yer sweet skin. May I?”

Claire nodded and breathed out an enthusiastic yes, reaching up to kiss him once more as his right hand came to cup her left breast. Slowly, excruciatingly so, Jamie’s mouth made its way from Claire’s lips, down her neck, and across both of his shoulder blades. Much like her own exploration of him, Jamie wanted to leave no part of her skin untouched, letting his lips and fingers dwell on every freckle.

By the time he reached the top of her breasts, Claire was panting heavily beneath him, desperate for his lips and tongue to find their way just a bit lower. Her body was on fire and her brain was struggling to process anything but its immense need to have Jamie never stop touching her. Never had intimacy with a man felt so potent, so dangerous in its ability to untether her completely and without concern for anything but satiating the unrelenting need within her. Claire was certain Jamie, with his keen attention to detail and ability to so clearly read her every need and desire, would bring her to heights of pleasure that she had never believed possible. 

When his warm, wet mouth closed around her nipple, Claire’s eyes rolled to the back of her head and her hands wove through his hair, gently holding his head to her chest as his tongue laved at her. He eventually switched to the other side, resulting in Claire arching her back and moaning loudly. 

Jamie smirked against her as he worked. He was well past the point of hard, and unsure where this would end, but he couldn’t give a damn because seeing Claire so free, so wonderfully expressive with her desires, was all he needed. 

Jamie’s kisses strayed lower, exploring her stomach and along the waistline of her skirt. He couldn’t help but lightly bite her stomach just to the side of her navel, causing Claire to emit a keening gasp.

“Jamie, please,” she moaned. 

“What do ye need, Sassenach?” 

“More,” she said, sitting up and reaching for the zipper on the back of her skirt. She looked at him as her skirt came off, leaving her in her tights. “Take off your pants as well,” she ordered, a smirk on her face. 

His pants and her tights came off in quick succession, leaving Claire in a pair of silk black underwear and Jamie in black boxer briefs that did little to hide how aroused he was. Claire couldn’t help but giggle as she pulled him back down on the bed with her.

“What’s sae funny, Sassenach?” Jamie asked as his fingers traced the band of her underwear. 

“I like seeing you a bit unhinged, is all,” Claire replied, her hands mimicking his motions along his own waistband. 

“Weel it’s ye that has me sae frazzled, lass. Ye overwhelm me in the best possible way.”

For a few minutes, they exchanged kisses and caresses, letting their heart rates slow. Claire eventually eased back to look at Jamie, her fingers tracing his brow as she spoke.

“I don’t think I’m ready to go all the way,” she whispered. “But I want to make you feel good. And I want you to make me feel good too.” 

It was strange, Claire thought, having this much control over her body and what she wanted to do with it. She had never had a partner as patient and as understanding as Jamie. He refused to rush her, refused to do anything past what she was comfortable with, and that level of respect and care was overwhelming enough as it was. And then when she added on how deep her feelings were for him, how much she wanted him, it sent her head spinning. 

Jamie kissed the tip of her nose. “All I ever want is tae make ye feel good, Sassenach.”

Claire placed her hand on top of Jamie’s, the one that was still flirting with the top of her underwear, and flattened it against her, slowly pushing their hands lower, so his fingertips were brushing against her most sensitive places over her underwear. He could feel heat radiating from her core, and he slowly let his fingers skim over her, wanting to gauge her reaction. 

Claire whimpered at his touch, and she wasn’t able to stop herself from spreading her legs wider to give him more access to her. Jamie’s fingers took their time exploring this new terrain, eager student that he was. After a few tortuous minutes, Claire needed more, and moved to take off her underwear. Jamie’s hand stopped her. 

“Let me?” he asked, looking at her for permission. 

Claire nodded and Jamie slowly removed the last scrap of clothing from her body. She was stunning. Perfect. An unrivaled goddess. He stared at her, transfixed, intimidated by her beauty. But Claire didn’t let him stare for too long, letting out an impatient whine that pulled him back on task. He climbed over her again, hovering above her face. 

“Is it okay if I touch ye, Claire?”

Claire nodded, too turned on to speak.

“Claire? I need tae hear ye say it. Can I touch ye? Can I please make ye come?”

“Yes. Please Jamie. I need you,” Claire managed to gasp out.

Jamie crushed his lips to hers, holding nothing back and letting his desire and instinct take over. 

Claire was on fire as Jamie’s fingers made direct contact with her. He groaned into her mouth as they were surrounded by her wet heat, which only made Claire more desperate for release. His fingers were skilled as they learned her terrain, her preferences, quickly finding and repeating the things that elicited gasps and moans. His mouth had made its way back down to her breasts, and between his tongue and his fingers, Claire was quickly close to unraveling. 

The building pressure suddenly exploded, Claire inhaling sharply and clamping her thighs around Jamie’s hand as an intensity of pleasure she never experienced overtook her. 

Jamie watched in awe as Claire’s release consumed her. She was breathtaking as she sought and experienced her own pleasure, and Christ, he was about to be addicted to serving her every need and desire. While she slowly came down, Jamie contented himself with placing kisses along her collarbone and whispering Gaelic phrases of love and devotion into her ear, wondering if it was too soon to tell her how deeply he felt. How in love he was with her. 

Claire’s heart was racing and she lost all sense of anything but the overwhelming sense of satisfaction throbbing through her and slowly dissipating in waves of utter pleasure. Everything was hazy besides Jamie’s soft kisses and incoherent, gentle whispers and she wanted nothing more than to stay in this haze for the rest of time. 

When her breathing finally steadied and her vision was able to focus again, Claire found Jamie laying on his side right beside her, his face nuzzled in the crook of her neck, his arm firmly around her waist, and his lips, tongue, and teeth exploring the space between her collarbone and ear lobe. 

“Christ, Sassenach,” he whispered into her ear. “Ye taste sae sweet, and I feel as though I will die if I take my lips off of ye.”

Claire couldn’t stop the giggle that came from her own lips at his comment. 

“Are ye laughing at me, lass?” Jamie asked, lifting his head to look at her. Her flushed cheeks and radiant smile were nothing short of breathtaking in that moment. 

“Sorry,” Claire said, as she shifted their bodies so Jamie was on his back and she was leaning over him. “No one has ever said something so silly to me so sincerely before,” Claire told him as she ran a finger down his cheek and over his lips. 

“Weel, I meant it, Sassenach. It’s been nearly a minute since my lips were last on ye, and I am starting tae feel lightheaded and weak,” Jamie teased with a hint of a smirk on his mouth. 

“Oh, well, I suppose we cannot have you passing out before we even get to the good part,” Claire replied, swinging her leg over him so she was straddling him just above his hips.  

Jamie groaned when he felt her weight settle on him, not entirely confident that he wouldn’t actually pass out before she was done with him. Claire leaned down and captured his lips in a blistering kiss, and he had no choice but to grab her hips to anchor himself as uncontrolled desire surged through him. 

Claire was meticulous as she trailed kisses down his neck, spending extra time at the pulse point on his neck, which she previously discovered was a spot that made him feral. When her teeth lightly sank into his skin at that spot, the sound that left Jaime was unhinged with a desperate need. And when Claire scooted her hips back to give herself better access to his chest, her lower half grazing over his boxer briefs, barely containing his evident arousal, Jamie couldn’t stop himself from rearing upward and letting out a loud “fuck.”

Claire let herself revel in how uncontrolled each kiss and each touch were making Jamie. He was always in such control of himself, unflappable, and to be the one that made him spiral out of control made her feel powerful and confident. He was showing so much restraint, Claire thought to herself as her tongue outlined the ridges of his clearly defined abs, letting her take her time, letting her show her appreciation for every inch of the man he was and who she got to be when she was with him.

When Claire bit him just below his belly button, she knew she was flirting with fire, evidenced by Jaime’s hands, which had been clenched but still at his sides, surging up to grab her shoulders tightly. Claire eased her way back up to his lips, letting her hand slip down, her index finger dipping below the waistband of his underwear to access the little remaining flesh she had yet to discover. Jamie, convinced that there was no way he could possibly get even harder, realized how wrong he was as her finger gently grazed the hidden skin. They kissed languidly for a few minutes before Claire pulled back. 

“Can I take these off?” Claire asked, her eyes never leaving his but her hand tugging at his boxer briefs. 

“Aye,” Jamie rasped. “I give ye full permission tae do whatever ye want with me, Sassenach.”

Jamie leaned up to kiss her as her hands began to ease down the last barrier between them down. He hadn’t been nervous at the prospect of having Claire fully see him until this very moment, being under her scrutiny. But as she pulled his boxer briefs off and threw them to the floor, an uncharacteristic sense of worry filled him. What if he wasn’t enough for her?

As Claire’s eyes took him in, he held his breath. “Jamie,” she breathed. “You are stunning.” He saw her eyes fill with tears, and all of the sudden worry left him as Claire’s mouth found his again. 

Claire’s hand, warm and soft, wrapped around his hard heat, taking her time to fully appreciate what he had to offer. She let herself experiment, trying to gauge what elicited the most ragged groans and the softest, pleading whimpers from his lips. Her hand all too soon worked him into a frenzy, the pressure, the need to release, more intense than he ever had experienced. With a guttural moan, he gave in, spilling himself over her hand and onto his stomach, his heart sure to explode out of his chest. 

Claire watched in awe as Jamie lost himself, confident she had never seen anything as beautiful as this man in the throes of pleasure. She wanted more, wanted to see him in this state again and again. As he came down, his eyes tightly closed and his neck arched into the pillow beneath him, Claire placed a lingering kiss on his lips before heading to the bathroom to wash her hands and retrieve a damp cloth. 

Just as Jamie was becoming aware of his surroundings again, he felt something soft and warm on his stomach. He opened his eyes to find Claire gently wiping off his stomach with a washcloth. Tears filled his eyes at her tenderness, especially as she placed a light kiss on the area she just cleaned before taking the cloth back to the bathroom. 

She was only gone all of thirty seconds, but Jamie was relieved to see her when she came back to the bedroom and rejoined him in bed. They entwined themselves together, Claire’s head resting on his chest, listening to the sound of his beating heart. Neither of them rushed to say anything, unsure what words could possibly capture what this night had meant to them, to their growing relationship.

Eventually, Claire turned her head to look up at Jamie, who she found was staring at her. 

“Hi,” she whispered. 

Jamie smiled. “Hi.”

Chapter Text

Neither Claire nor Jamie slept particularly well that night. They spent most of the night alternating between making out and giggling at their new found intimacy. Somewhere around dawn, they had a repeat performance of the previous night’s main event, both bringing the other to earth-shattering releases with just their hands. 

Claire was hovering somewhere between asleep and awake as the first rays of sun seeped through her half-closed curtains. She was enveloped in Jamie’s arms and warmth, lulled by his slow, steady breathing and strong heartbeat. The thoughts floating through her semi-conscious state were all Jamie-themed. His whispered words of affection. The intense look of concentration on his face as he gave her pleasure. His muscles clenching as she took him in her hand. Most of all, how safe he made her feel. She wanted more nights like the one they had. More nights wrapped up in him, more nights where she was so safe she could surrender herself, her heart, to his care without fear. 

Jamie’s body suddenly shifted and he emitted a low humming sound as he pulled Claire even tighter against him. Claire leaned up to kiss his chin, smiling when he sleepily muttered “Why are we awake, Sassenach?”

“I obviously didn’t tire you out sufficiently last night,” Claire teased, burrowing herself into him.  

Jamie scoffed. “Ye left me incapable of moving and speaking, lass. I am pretty sure I will never fully recover from the wicked things ye did tae me.”

Claire giggled. “I didn’t hear you complaining. Far from it, based on the sounds you were making.”

Jamie just huffed in response. 

They laid quietly in each other’s arms a bit longer before Claire’s stomach growled, causing them both to burst out laughing. 

“I suppose that means I need tae feed ye,” Jamie said, groaning as he pushed himself into a seated position, running his hands tiredly over his face. 

Claire whined at the loss of body heat, but was quick to agree that she wanted breakfast. Jamie shuffled into her kitchen to start the coffee and suss out what their breakfast options were while Claire rummaged about for some comfortable clothes to put on. 

By the time she made it out to the kitchen, Jamie had a pot of porridge bubbling away on the stove and a steaming hot cup of coffee waiting for her.

They ate breakfast while exchanging furtive glances and gentle touches - him on her thigh, her on his bicep. In the light of day, their growing intimacy made them each glow with happiness, unwilling and unable to be contained. 

Since it was Sunday, they were both free to spend the day together, Jamie demanding that they go grocery shopping so Claire could fill her barren refrigerator. But first, he had to go home to see to Adso and take a shower. But that meant leaving Claire, and that seemed impossible, even if it was going to be for less than an hour. Their goodbye kiss unraveled over minutes, Jamie pinning Claire against the door, his hands happily exploring her curves. Somehow, they managed to extract themselves long enough for Claire to push Jamie out into the hallway and on his way home to take the coldest shower of his life.

— 

Jamie was pretty sure that he had never had such an idyllic Sunday, spent with Claire doing mundane domestic tasks, like going grocery shopping and doing their laundry together. In between chores, they would cuddle on the couch and make out, unable to keep to themselves for more than a few minutes at a time. Currently, they were watching Adso explore Claire’s apartment. When he had first returned home that morning, Adso made sure to let Jamie know that he did not appreciate being left for so long without ear scritches, so, knowing he would be spending the rest of the day with Claire, he brought Adso along with him, much to Claire’s delight. 

Adso made his way over to where Jamie and Claire were nestled together on the couch, jumping up to find a cozy place to nap, which he decided was curled up on the blanket covering Claire’s leg. As Claire lavished the wee cheetie with pets and coos, Jamie tightened his hold on Claire, a deep sense of protectiveness flooding through him. He would do anything, he found himself thinking, to make her happy, to make sure she felt safe with him - not just physically, but emotionally as well. He hoped he could be enough for her. Enough to let his Sorcha , her radiant light, cast her warm glow on him forever.

—

School and work were kicking Claire’s butt. A particularly nasty surge in the seasonal flu as well as in the highly contagious respiratory illness, RSV, had the pediatric unit at full-capacity, leaving the nursing staff to balance caring for scared, exhausted children while also comforting their scared, exhausted families. It was a minor miracle, Claire thought, that she hadn’t yet fallen sick again, especially given that between her long work days and overwhelming study schedule, she was barely managing five hours of sleep a night. 

Admittedly, she could probably get some more sleep if she could keep her hands off of Jamie, but that, so far, proved to be impossible. With their new found intimacy, she found herself not only craving his touch, but desperate for it, her mind all too frequently wandering to the memories of their most recent late night, eager for her next opportunity to study him up close. 

Unfortunately, because of schedules, Claire hadn’t seen Jamie for two days. He worked two back-to-back evening events, and she had consecutive night shifts at the hospital to help cover for a sick colleague. It was almost 6AM, which would be the end of her shift, and Claire was more than ready to drag herself home for a short sleep before studying all afternoon and seeing Jamie that night.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she smiled when she saw a text from Jamie. She opened it to find a picture of him, shirtless and hair tousled from sleep, with Adso’s head resting on his shoulder. 

5:17AM << J: Happy Valentine’s Day, Sassenach! Will ye be our MEOWintines? >>

Claire smiled and rolled her eyes at the ridiculous pun, simultaneously realizing she had completely lost track of what day it was. How was it already February 14th? In the chaos of the last few weeks, she kept having to move “buy Jamie a Valentine’s Day gift” down her to-do list, and suddenly the day arrived and she hadn’t even thought about what to get him. She groaned, realizing that she would have to squeeze in a shopping trip sometime between her nap and studying. 

5:21AM <<C: I am only going to forgive you for that atrocious pun because the pair of you are utterly adorable.>>

5:21AM <<C: I wish I was there with you😩>>

5:22AM <<J: Us too, Sassenach. But I promise tae makeup for all this time apart when I see ye tonight. 😏 >>

5:23AM <<C: Can’t wait. x💕>>

Claire slid her phone back into her pocket and went to do one last check of her patients, incapable of keeping the smile off of her face. 

—

Just as she pulled on her coat, ready to head home, Geillis came into the break room carrying an excessively large vase of neon colored daisies. 

“Which admirer has sent you such hideous flowers?” Claire asked as Geillis set the vase on the table. “Not to be mean, but if those are the flowers they are giving you, I think you need to reconsider your relationship with them,” Claire teased as she walked over to get a closer look at them. 

“They arena for me, Claire. They are for you, according tae the delivery person.”

Claire groaned. She thought Jamie knew her better than this. How could he think she was a woman that liked obnoxiously loud flowers? And daisies no less? She almost always had a vase of roses in her apartment, which he had seen and commented upon their beauty several times. She was already trying to think through how to break it to him gently that as much as she loved the thought, the actual flowers he picked were not her style. 

Claire grabbed the card that was nestled in the bouquet, tearing it open as Geillis made some sassy comment about Jamie’s lack of taste. But Claire had stopped listening as she read the note and terror filled her. 

Darling, Don’t think for a second that I’ve forgotten about you or what we shared. I’m always watching, and I’ll be waiting to see how long it takes before you come back to me. Enjoy your Valentine’s Day. Frank

“Claire? Are ye alright? Ye are as white as snow. Claire?”

Claire’s entire body was shaking and she was struggling to breath. She was vaguely aware of Geillis guiding her over to the couch to help her sit down, pushing her head between her knees to make sure she didn’t faint. Geillis was slowly rubbing her back, encouraging Claire to take slow, steady breaths, promising she was right there with her. 

When she felt recovered enough, Claire lifted her head and looked at Geillis with what she was sure was no small amount of fear on her face. 

“Frank,” she whispered, handing the note to Geillis to read for herself. 

“That piece of shite,” Geillis growled. “It has been months since he last contacted ye, right? What is he playing at?”

Claire shook her head, completely at a loss. She, indeed, hadn’t heard from Frank since she changed her phone number and email address in early October. His silence was enough to convince her that she didn’t need to go through the effort of filing a restraining order against him, thinking he finally got the message that she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Did he spend the last four months looking for her? Why did he refuse to leave her alone? Did he also know where she lived?

A million questions swirled through Claire’s mind, causing her panic to escalate again, and before long, she was putting her head between her knees again. Geillis wrapped her arm around her and pulled her close, promising she would help Claire “draw and quarter the scum,” and with anything else she needed. 

“Claire, are ye going tae be able tae get home okay? Should I call Jamie for ye?” 

Claire shook her head, only just realizing she would have to tell Jamie. “I can get home okay. It’s a short walk and the fresh air will calm me down,” Claire replied, standing up and grabbing her bag. She slipped Frank’s note into the front pocket, knowing that she might, at some point, need it as evidence of his behavior. 

“Will you do something with the flowers? Maybe give some to kids that get to go home today?” Claire asked Geillis, who nodded and promised Claire that she would never see them again. After a long hug from Geillis, Claire made her way out of the hospital to head home, all the while trying to figure out when and how to tell Jamie.

—

A smile was plastered on Jamie’s face as he prepared dinner for himself and Claire. He wasn’t the best cook in the world, but he had honed a few simple recipes over the years, and was confident that Claire would appreciate his effort as much as the meal itself. They agreed to have Valentine’s dinner at Jamie’s, not wanting to deal with overcrowded restaurants and wanting to maximize their alone time. 

Just as he was sliding their salmon into the oven, he heard Claire’s soft knock on his door. He greeted her with a light kiss, proud at restraining himself and his desire to kiss the breath out of her. 

“Hi, Sassenach,” Jamie whispered as he let his forehead linger on hers. 

“Hello, handsome,” Claire responded, kissing his cheek before she followed him into the apartment.

Claire set her overnight bag on the floor by the door and shrugged out of her coat, which she had put on only so she could watch Jamie’s eyes bulge as she revealed her dress. Which was exactly what happened. Her floor length red cocktail dress was simple but elegant, showing off her curves to her waist before it flared into a flowing skirt with a generous slit up one side. It made her feel confident and sexy, which she desperately needed. 

Jamie couldn’t help but pull Claire into his arms once more, kissing her exposed neck and shoulders, making Claire giggle when his scruff scraped against her sensitive skin. 

“Mmmm, you smell so good,” Claire muttered, her nose buried in the crook of his neck. 

They stood wrapped in each other’s arms for a few moments before Jamie eventually showed Claire to the couch, where he poured them both a glass of wine before excusing himself to check on their dinner. 

When Jamie returned, he was holding an absolutely stunning bouquet of soft pink and quicksand colored roses with forget-me-nots mixed in. Claire was floored at how thoughtful his flower selection was, clearly showing he had been paying attention to her favorite colors and styles of roses. So unlike that bouquet Frank had sent her. She pushed thoughts of Frank to the side. She knew she needed to tell Jamie about Frank, about what happened that morning, but she had resolved not to ruin their night with it. It could wait until the weekend. She wanted tonight to be about her and Jamie celebrating a slightly silly holiday as an excuse to get dressed up and spend time with each other. 

“Jamie, these are so beautiful,” Claire said as he placed the roses on the table in front of her. 

“Thank ye, Sassenach. Ye always have such perfect roses, I was pretty worried I would never put together anything as beautiful as yers, but thankfully I found a florist who could help execute my vision.”

Jamie then pulled a small jewelry box from his pocket. “Now this one is from Adso. He wanted tae be sure he got ye something as weel,” Jamie winked, well, blinked, at her.

Claire laughed as she opened the box, finding a simple gold bracelet with a pendant that showed the outline of two cats curled into one another, just like she and Jamie often were. It was small, delicate, and somehow a perfect encapsulation of her favorite way to spend her time - wrapped in Jamie’s arms with Adso nearby.

A tear escaped from Claire’s eye, rolling slowly down her cheek as she leaned into kiss Jamie.

“Put it on me?” She asked, extending her left hand so he could clasp it around her wrist. When he was done, he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. 

“As luck would have it, I got something for you, and for Adso as well,” Claire said, as she got up to pull a large envelope out of her overnight bag.

Jamie smiled as she handed him the envelope, noticing that she looked nervous. He opened the envelope to find a printed off map of what looked to be constellations. Before he could ask Claire what it was, she grabbed his hand, his eyes shifting back to hers.

“This isn’t the final product, but I ordered you a map of the night sky as it was on Samhain this year. You made me feel so safe, so cared for that night. It was the night I knew that my feelings for you were real and deep and even if I was too scared to act on them then, it was the day I decided to give you part of my heart to hold, if you wanted to,” Claire shared. 

Jamie stared at the map and then looked at Claire, his silence making her nervous. 

“It will be delivered soon, all framed and printed and a much better quality than this one that I printed for you at the library,” Claire went on, her nervous rambling prompted by her to fill the silence. “I’m sorry I don’t…”

“Sassenach,” Jamie cut her off. She finally let herself make eye contact with him, knowing her exhaustion from the day and her sudden anxiety would be on full display now that her face was fully visible to him. 

“This is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me. I will remember that night for the rest of my life, and tae ken that it meant just as much tae ye…” He trailed off, giving her a soft, almost shy smile. “Thank ye.”

Jamie leaned in to kiss her, his lips moving sweetly over hers. It wasn’t a kiss of heated passion but of deep heart. It was a kiss that was full of meaning and promises - neither of which needed to be spoken aloud to be understood by the other. 

When their kiss broke, Jamie placed a light kiss to Claire’s forehead, hoping it would assuage some of the anxiety he noticed the moment she walked through the door. She looked absolutely stunning in her red dress, but it couldn’t hide whatever unspoken thing was weighing on her, nor could it mask the exhaustion so clearly evident in her body language. He wouldn’t push her to share now, as she clearly wanted to keep the night focused on them. Instead he would focus on making her feel safe and loved, giving her brain a reprieve from its stress. 

“Now,” Claire eventually said, breaking the comfortable silence between them. “For Adso, well, you have been spending a lot of time at my place and I always feel so bad that Adso ends up here alone. And I love when he is with us, causing mischief and cuddling with me instead of you,” Claire smirked and Jamie rolled his eyes. “So I ordered a litter box, a cat bed, some food and water bowls, and a whole bunch of toys for my apartment. That way he can come stay overnight when you do, and we don’t have to leave him alone for so long.”

“Aye,” Jamie grinned. “And I dinnae have tae rush out of yer bed in the morning tae feed him and hear ye complain about the loss of body heat.”

“That too, I suppose,” Claire winked at him. 

Adso, always knowing when he was being spoken about, strolled into the room at that moment, meowing loudly as he leapt on the couch between them. Claire scooped him into her arms and kissed the top of his head, the cat delighted by her affection.

“Ye hear that, ye wee scoundrel? Ye’ve conned Claire in tae thinking ye are a wee angel, and she’s agreed tae let ye come stay at her place with me. Ye better be on yer best behavior and no’ embarrass me,” Jamie playfully chided his pet, scratching his ears while he did so. 

—

They spent a few more minutes on the couch, cooing at Adso, before the cat had enough and ran to the safety of the top of his cat tower by the window. They chatted about their days, Claire carefully avoiding the topic of Frank’s flower delivery and terrifying note. Before long, they were seated at his kitchen table, a delicious dinner of salmon, roasted potatoes, and kale salad on their plates.

“Well, Mr. Fraser,” Claire said in between bites of food. “I have to say I am quite impressed with your culinary skills. I think you might have misled me about how good of a cook you are.”

Jamie laughed. “Dinna be too impressed, Sassenach. This is one of two meals I have in my repertoire, and it just sae happens that the other is roasted chicken with these exact potatoes and kale salad.”

“Nonetheless, I am going to expect this once a week from now on,” Claire replied. 

“As ye wish, Sassenach.”

—

Dinner was followed by dessert, which Claire decided would best be consumed on the couch, and Jamie was quick to agree. 

“What on earth compelled you to buy two slices of cake, Jamie? These slices are massive, and we could have shared,” Claire asked as she dug her fork into her own slice of chocolate fudge cake from Highland Bakehouse. 

“Aye, and if we shared, ye would have left me a meager wee sliver once ye were done. Ye obviously dinnae remember the last time we shared a slice of cake from the Bakehouse. Ye barely left me a single bite!” Jamie teased.

“Oh, quit being so dramatic. If I recall, you had more than your fair share last time, and then were complaining that you ate too much,” Claire argued back. 

“Hardly, Sassenach. It was ye complaining ye overindulged and were belly achin’ tae me for days about it,” Jamie counted. 

“Either way, I think two slices of cake for this evening was a bit excessive,” Claire said, setting her half-eaten sliced on the coffee table. 

Jamie harrumphed his distinct Scottish disdain. “Ye deserve excessive when it comes tae cake, Sassenach,” he replied, scooping a bit of the frosting from his slice and swiping it across her lips. “Plus, two slices meant we had enough cake sae I could do this,” Jamie whispered as he leaned in to kiss the frosting off of her lips. 

“Hmm,” Claire said as she pulled back from the kiss. “Maybe there are upsides,” she all but purred as she too ran her fingers through the frosting on his slice and smeared it across his lips. Unlike his kiss, which had been gentle, hers was heated and left him gasping for air once she had cleaned the frosting from him. 

Claire, wanting to be closer to him, hiked up the long skirt of her dress so she could properly straddle his lap, her arms latching around his neck while his hands firmly grasped her hips. Their kisses were fevered, making Claire dizzy and increasingly unhinged in her want for this man. She couldn’t help herself from grinding her hips hard into his lap, causing a pleasure so visceral in him that he had to break their kiss while he threw back his head to groan. His neck elongated and exposed, Claire seized on the opportunity to lick, kiss, and bite her way down him, her fingers working at the buttons on his shirt as she did. 

Jamie could barely keep up with Claire’s fervent pace, not that he was complaining. He would never grow tired of the feeling of her on his lap, her body flush against his and desperate to find a way to be closer still. Claire opened his shirt in record time, and when she sank her teeth into the muscle above his clavicle, Jamie’s grip tightened even harder on her hips, attempting to keep himself anchored to reality instead of passing out with desire.

Claire’s mouth eased up, her kisses lightly peppering the top of his chest while her fingers skimmed over his abdomen. 

“Jamie,” she whispered, her breath hot against his skin. 

Jamie’s heart was beating furiously, resulting in his “Aye?” coming out in a breathy groan.

“Let’s move this to your bedroom?” 

Jamie nodded. And before Claire could climb off of him, he wrapped his arms around her and stood up while holding her in his arms. Claire’s legs instinctively latched around his waist, and a giggle left her mouth as he started to walk them to his room.

He laid her gently on his bed, her face bright and filled with heated desire as she looked back at him. Jamie shrugged his shirt off and took off his pants as well, leaving him in his boxer briefs. He climbed on the bed and hovered over Claire, kissing her forehead, the tip of her nose, and then her lips with painstaking sweetness. 

“Ye are so beautiful, mo chridhe,” he muttered against her lips. 

Claire couldn’t stop the tears from welling in her eyes at his words, his tenderness. If only he understood that she was beautiful because he made her feel so alive, so seen, so valued. 

Jamie eased his lips down her neck to the top of her dress and kissed the tops of her breasts before seeking her permission to take her dress off. Claire sat up and turned so he could reach the zipper on her back, which he unhurriedly opened, letting the dress fall away from her chest slowly. Jamie then pulled the entire dress off of her, throwing it to the floor and leaving her in just a pair of lacy red underwear. 

Claire felt Jamie’s body cover her’s again, his lips and tongue on a clear mission to drive her to the point of madness as they latched on to her breasts. Her body was on fire and she writhed beneath him, desperate for his touch. She heard him let out a growl before he made his way lower, his hands and his mouth leaving no part of her upper half untouched. She was very ready for more, and ready to let him use his lips and tongue, as well as his hands, to bring her her release. Jamie kissed along the waistband of her underwear, his tongue sneakily darting below the band a few times, teasing her.

Claire couldn’t take any more teasing. She sat up, and pulled Jamie’s face to her’s, kissing him deeply.

Her lips still against his, Claire whispered flirtily, “If you want, feel free to use some of those tongue techniques a bit lower.”

Claire smiled at Jamie’s groan. “Ye, sure, Sassenach?” He asked.

“Aye,” Claire cheeked back with another kiss and a light bite to his lower lip.

Jamie, no doubt excited to get to work, pushed on Clarie’s shoulders to have her lay back down on the bed. It wasn’t meant to be aggressive, she knew, but it was rougher than he had ever been with her, and something about it made her brain flashback to one of the too many times Frank had been aggressive with her in bed. The memory was so vivid and so startling that she didn’t even feel Jamie’s fingers hooking into her underwear to remove them; only realizing they were off once she felt his lips on the inside of her thigh. 

Claire felt herself detaching from the moment, a defensive mechanism that her brain and body learned when Frank’s insistence for sex was so forceful that she had no choice but to acquiesce, even when she already told him she would rather not. Now, with Jamie’s lips a hair's breadth from her core, Claire’s entire body had gone numb, and she could feel the panic slowly rising up her chest. She tried to say something, but no words came out of her mouth. She tried to move, to get Jamie’s attention, but her entire body had frozen, her hands clenched at her sides. All she could do was feel the terror surging through her body and her own panicked attempts to breathe. 

Jamie was so overwhelmed with Claire’s body, so excited to taste her, to bring her pleasure, that he let himself get lost in the moment at hand. He danced his fingers and lips over her inner thighs before spreading them wider, kissing his way to her core. He looked up at Claire, wanting to confirm one more time that this was okay, that she was ready for this next level of intimacy with him, and dread filled him. 

Her face was etched with fear, and he could see that her entire upper body had gone rigid. Most distressingly, her eyes were vacant, seemingly not focused on anything.

“Sassenach? Claire? What’s happened? What’s wrong?” He asked urgently.

Chapter Text

When Claire didn’t respond or even move to look at him, Jamie gently touched her cheek, causing her to flinch violently. It was then that he noticed that she was struggling to breath and her body had begun to noticeably shake; all telltale signs of a panic attack. 

“Claire. I’m here with ye. I need ye tae breath with me, okay?” Jamie said, trying to keep his own fear out of his voice, not wanting to scare her even more.

He laid on his side next to her, not touching her, and started counting softly for her - four second inhales, four second holds, four second exhales, and repeating it again and again. It took Claire a few minutes to successfully get through one round of the exercise, and several more minutes for her breath to completely even out to its usual steady rhythm. All the while, Jamie stayed right by her side, whisper counting to her and reminding her that she was safe. When her breathing returned to normal, Jamie moved to put a blanket over Claire, covering her still naked body with soft warmth. 

Awareness slowly came back to Claire’s mind and body. She felt as though she had been hit by a truck. Every muscle in her felt sore, and a heavy exhaustion was settling into every bone. She felt winded, like she had run a marathon, and as much as she was trying to focus her thoughts, they refused to stop frantically rushing from one thing to the next, all of them incoherent but terrifying. She noted Jamie gently placing a blanket over her, its warmth a small source of comfort and reassurance, as was his presence, once again laying next to her, his own steady breathing the only thing keeping her tethered to herself. 

But the longer they laid there in silence, as the last half hour came back to her, the more ashamed and embarrassed Claire became. She ruined what had been a perfect evening with Jamie. On Valentine’s Day, no less. Why had she not been strong enough to push those intrusive thoughts to the side? She stared blankly at the ceiling, unsure of how she would explain what happened to Jamie; unsure of how understanding he would be given how she ruined their night. 

It was unclear to Claire how long they laid in silence. All she knew was Jamie’s eyes were boring into her. Even though she couldn’t see them, she felt them. Demanding answers. Desperate to ask questions. She needed space. Needed to collect her thoughts before she attempted to explain herself. 

“I’m, um, I am going to go take a shower,” Claire said, sitting up, holding the blanket to her chest. 

She gave Jamie no chance to respond, quickly moving from his bed to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Jamie stared at the closed door as he heard the lock click into place, unsure of what to do or what to say. He just wanted to hold his Sassenach. Tell her it was okay. That she was safe with him. That whatever had just happened was not her fault. He ran his hands over his face, vacillating between worry and fatigue as he listened to the faint sound of the shower turning on. Jamie pulled himself from the bed and rummaged through his dresser to find some pajamas to put on. He also pulled out a way too big pair of sweatpants and one of his t-shirts for Claire, setting them on the corner of the bed before shuffling into the living room to bring her overnight bag into the bedroom. Then he was left to wait. 

—

The shower helped. At least some, Claire thought to herself as she stepped out into Jamie’s room in her towel, finding it empty. She noticed her bag and what looked to be some of Jamie’s clothes waiting for her on the bed, a small rush of gratitude surging through her at how well he took care of her, despite the circumstances. The pajamas she had packed for herself were less for her and more for Jamie, so she was glad to have his oversized pants and shirt to hide beneath. Once dressed, there wasn’t much else to do but to go find Jamie and attempt to explain herself. She closed her eyes and took a few calming breaths before walking into the living room, where she found Jamie sitting on the couch while absentmindedly petting Adso as he stared into space.

Jamie heard Claire’s soft footsteps and turned to look at her. She was looking at him hesitantly, shifting nervously from foot to foot while her hands were anxiously twisting at his too-big t-shirt hanging off of her slight frame. The shower had revived her color some, and while there was still a pronounced wariness lining her face, she looked more alert and aware of her surroundings. Jamie wanted to stand, to go grab her and pull her into his arms, but he hesitated, not sure what she needed at that moment. Relief filled him at her whispered request.

“Hold me?”

Jamie was on his feet instantly, wrapping his arms lightly around Claire. He didn’t want her to feel trapped in his embrace. Wanted to let her control how much physical contact was comfortable for her. When her arms firmly held him and her cheek settled against his chest, a small bit of his own worry eased. Jamie maneuvered them to the couch, and they somehow managed to sit down with their arms still around each other. 

“I’m sorry,” Claire muttered into his chest. 

“Ye have nothing tae be sorry about, Sassenach,” Jamie said, kissing the top of her head. 

“But I ruined our night. I am so embarrassed by what I did,” she replied, and Jamie could hear the anger in her voice. 

“Claire, I dinna ken what caused it, but ye had a panic attack, and that’s not yer fault. Ye couldn’t have seen it coming and couldn’t have stopped it if ye tried, and I will not have ye blaming yerself for it. Besides, I am the one who should be apologizing to ye.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Claire huffed, annoyed. 

“Weel, I certainly did something tae trigger the attack. ‘Twas my fault it happened, and I am sorry for it, lass.” Remorse was heavy in Jamie’s voice. 

Claire shook her head, indicating she disagreed with his assessment, and for a few moments, neither of them spoke, a mixture of relief and tension in the air about how things would proceed. 

“Can ye tell me what happened, Sassenach? Ye dinnae need tae, if ye would rather not, but I am willing tae listen.” His hand moved up and down her spine, a comforting touch, and one that gave Claire just enough confidence to try. 

“I’m not sure if I fully know,” she said. “And I’m not sure it will make any sense.”

“It doesna have tae, Sassenach. I ken from experience that when it comes to mental health it rarely does.”

Claire pressed her cheek harder into Jamie’s chest, listening to his heart beat to collect her courage. 

“Well, I suppose I should start with what happened at work today,” Claire began. 

Jamie listened as Claire shared about the flowers and disturbing note Frank sent her that morning. About how she wanted to wait to tell him so as to not ruin their Valentine’s Day. How terrified it made her, knowing that Frank knew where to find her, that he still wanted to find her. 

Jamie knew the last thing Claire needed was for his anger, his absolute seething rage, to explode. His jaw was clenched, though, and he could feel the blood seething in his veins. He was ready to get in his car and drive to London tonight. To pummel Randall into oblivion, to pulverize him into dust. All he wanted was to ensure Claire never again had reason to be afraid. For now, he kept his focus on Claire, who was apologizing profusely for not telling him straight away, for not following through on the restraining order, for ever being with Frank in the first place. It seemed that all of her pent up worries were bubbling over, incapable of being locked inside of her any longer. 

“Shhh, Sassenach,” Jamie soothed, as Claire had worked herself into a near spiral. “Ye did nothing wrong, Claire. Ye wanted to keep our night special and I ken ye would have told me soon. Ye have given me nae reason tae doubt ye, and I trust ye, mo chridhe.” He leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“But, why didn’t I follow through on the restraining order? Why did I put us in this position to begin with? I’m so stupid to think Frank would give up that easily.”

“Sassenach, even if ye did have the restraining order taken care of, he still would have sent ye the flowers. He still would have found a way tae mess with ye. Tae scare ye. The man is scum, and from what ye have told me of him, he wouldn’t have let a restraining order hold him back. He’s desperate for control, for power, and he thinks he can still manipulate ye.” 

Claire’s sniffles alerted Jamie that she was crying. He eased her away from his chest so he could look her in the eyes. 

“I ken it’s scary, Sassenach. And we need tae figure out what tae do about the bastard, but I promise ye I will be with ye every step of the way. We will figure it out together and I will see ye safe, sae long as ye want me.”

“Thank you,” Claire whispered, kissing his cheek. 

“Can ye tell me what happened when we were in the bedroom?” Jamie asked, his tone tentative but also desperate. 

Claire sighed and a mixture of embarrassment and fear flooded her face.

“It was nothing to do with you,” she started. “Well, I guess because you were there, it was, but I was all in for what you were doing to me. Ready and willing to let you have your way with me, so to speak.” Claire blushed, and noticed that Jamie did too, both of them recalling how ravenous they were, how eager they were to please one another. 

“And then, well, I told you to have your way with me, and you were obviously excited and you pushed me back to lay down and, well, I don’t know. Something about the way you pushed me. Something about the way I hit the bed. Something else. It triggered a memory of Frank doing something similar, but without my enthusiastic consent.”

Jamie’s face fell as she spoke, hating that he had been the cause of her panic attack. Hating that something he did to her reminded her of Randall.

“Sassenach. Claire. I’m sae sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It’s just, weel, I’m mad for ye, and I lost my heid and…”

Claire cut him off. “Jamie, you did nothing wrong. It might have been a more eager push than other times we have been in similar circumstances,” Claire was pretty sure her face was as red as a tomato at this point, “but I knew it was because you were excited to please me, not because you were hellbent on your own satisfaction, damn it all to hell what I want. But it triggered a memory and I couldn’t stop it from consuming me at that moment.”

Jamie wrapped Claire into his embrace as she went on. “My brain was already triggered and thinking of Frank because of this morning, and I should have seen the signs that I was on the verge of a panic attack. It’s not the first one I’ve had. But it has been awhile, and I missed signs.”

Jamie sighed. They were both beating up on themselves, placing their blame not on Randall, where it should be, but on themselves for not being perfect. He knew it would take him time to accept that he did nothing wrong tonight, or at least he couldn’t have done anything better. But failing the woman he loved would be something difficult for him to move past. 

“Claire? Can I ask ye one more thing?” Jamie’s voice was uncertain, as if he didn’t actually want to ask the question. Claire nodded, and he paused, thinking about how to word it.

“Did Randall…did he ever force himself on ye?”

“Sort of?” Claire began. “There were times when I was less than enthusiastic about sleeping with him, but he was insistent and I would acquiesce because it was easier than saying no. He could tell when I wasn’t as into it, and would be rougher than needed, I suppose, to show his dominance or something. Near the end, I would be so emotionally and mentally detached while we slept together, and that made him angry. He would curse at me, scream at me, for not engaging like he expected me to but…” Claire’s sentence faded off as she looked at the horror on Jamie’s face. 

Jamie, needing a minute to calm his fury, laced their fingers together and brought their clasped hands to his lips, kissing the back of Claire’s hand.

“I ken I’ve already told ye this more than once, Sassenach, and this willna be the last time I do so, but ye have been sae incredibly brave. I am sae sorry that any of this happened tae ye. That ye were not loved and cherished like ye deserve tae be. That I wasna there to protect ye. I am in awe of strong ye are and sorry that ye ever had tae be. I ken that I canna take away the pain and fear ye carry, but I hope ye will trust me enough tae help ye carry it from here on.”

Claire’s eyes teared up at his words. She was so tired. Not just from the night, but from all of it. For the last few months, she buried herself in work, in school, and in Jamie, letting herself become convinced that she had recovered from Frank’s abuse. She let herself believe that he was finally gone from her life for good, and what happened could stay squarely in the past. But today it all came crashing back down around her. And now, here was Jamie saying he would stay by her side. That he would protect her from further harm. And she desperately wanted to believe him. But how could he possibly want someone as broken as she currently was?

“Jamie, I am such a mess. How can you have me like this?” Claire whispered, her exasperation with herself clear in her tone. 

Jamie looked at her dumbfounded, his expression both confused and amused. 

“Sassenach, I ken ye are physically and emotionally spent, sae I will forgive ye for asking such a daft question. I thought I had made myself clear, but apparently I have not, sae let me be plain with ye, lass: I will have ye anyway I can. Always.”

Claire let out a choked sob at his words, which Jamie swallowed as he sealed his lips to hers in a tender kiss. One of certainty and promise. 

When they parted, Jamie gently pushed a stray curl behind her ear and kissed her forehead. 

“It’s getting late, Sassenach. I will understand if ye rather would like tae go home and have some time tae yerself. But I would much rather ye stay and let me keep watch over ye tonight. And if ye are comfortable with it, I would like tae hold ye close and tend tae yer dreams.”

Claire kissed his cheek and stood up, extending her hand to him. “Let’s go to bed.”

—

Some hours later Claire felt herself startle awake from a dream she could not quite remember but left her feeling shaken. She felt Jamie’s arms tighten around her immediately, his soft voice whispering in her ear that she was safe. And as he continued to whisper softly to her in Gaelic, she believed him, and let herself drift back into a contented sleep, with the knowledge that he would see her safe, the only thing she knew for certain. That, and the fact that she was deeply, irrevocably in love with him. 

Chapter Text

The week following Claire’s Valentine’s Day panic attack was the longest shortest week of her life. In between work and school - neither of which she was willing to take a few days off despite Jamie and Geillis suggesting she should - Claire was already busy enough without needing to figure out what to do about Frank.

The morning after her panic attack, Claire had taken some time to herself, asking Jamie to give her a few hours to be with her thoughts before they talked about what needed to happen now. Claire took herself on a hike up to Aruthur’s Seat, the winter wind both biting and invigorating as she made her way to the summit. Once at the top, she let herself sit and look out over the vast expanse of Edinburgh, marveling at how much the city had given her in just seven months, and how much she wanted to make Scotland part of her future. For so long, it had been hard for her to imagine a future for herself, at least one based on what she wanted, but ever since she arrived, ever since she met Jamie, she found herself inching closer to living the future of her dreams. It was a future she wanted to fight for. 

Once she made it back from her hike, Claire asked both Geillis and Jamie (and Adso) to come to her apartment. Together they talked for hours about what Claire should do about Frank and how to start taking action immediately. There were a few moments when Claire almost regretted brining the two most protective people in the history of the world together for this conversation, if only because she had to spend an inordinate amount of time redirecting their conversation away from the various forms of physical torture they longed to conduct on Frank. But mostly she was grateful to have two people in her life that were so committed to her safety and wellbeing. 

In the days that followed, Claire met with Ned Gowan, a lawyer that Jamie knew, to discuss a restraining order against Frank. The lawyer was precise and thorough as he explained to Claire how the process would unfold, and Claire appreciated his direct manner and tenaciousness in making sure Claire was safe from Frank. Talking with him calmed her anxiety, even if it was emotionally taxing to again walk through her entire history with her ex-boyfriend. 

The hardest part of the week turned out to be her first ever therapy session. Both Geillis and Jamie had pushed her to try therapy, which Claire had previously refused to do, stubbornly believing that she was handling Frank’s manipulation and emotional abuse fine on her own. Claire was initially resistant to their suggestion, arguing that she hardly had time to make therapy a regular part of her schedule. Unspoken was her own internalized belief that people who went to therapy were weak, and she refused to be weak.

It was only after Jamie shared more about his own experience seeing a therapist and working through his own panic attacks, that Claire softened to the idea. Jamie too had been resistant to going, and was all but forced to go by his dad after his mom and brother died, and then by Jenny and Ian when his dad died. His guilt and grief had consumed him, and while he thought he was managing just fine, his dad and Jenny (and many others) saw what he didn’t - a shell of the person he was, withdrawn, on edge, and prone to panic attacks himself. 

Therapy, he told her, saved his life. So much so that he still went once a month to make sure he had dedicated time to work through whatever was weighing on him. That news surprised Claire, not knowing that he still saw a therapist, but it wasn’t quite enough to convince her. Not until Jamie nearly cried. 

“Sassenach, the only reason I was able tae take care of ye like I did that night is because I knew exactly what ye were going through,” he told her, tears unexpectedly welling in his eyes at the reminder of how scared and vulnerable she was in that moment, and how scared he was. “And because I learned how tae manage the attacks when they came. I will always see ye through yers, but I willna always be at your side. Please take care of yourself. For me.” 

It was Jamie’s own vulnerability and gentle but firm encouragement that ultimately gave her the courage she needed to make an appointment. 

As she walked out of her first session on Thursday evening, Claire was utterly drained. She did not expect her first session to be so emotional, figuring it would probably just consist of some basic get to know you questions and coming up with a plan for future conversations, which it technically had been. But, as it turned out, Claire underestimated two things before the session. The first was how much the trauma she endured from Frank impacted her psyche and the second was how fragile her emotional and mental wellbeing had become. She was frayed past the point of repair - or at least past the point of doing it on her own. 

Claire’s mind was racing as she returned to the therapy office’s waiting room to retrieve her coat, so she didn’t immediately notice her tall, red-headed Scot sitting in one of the chairs, looking at her with a mix of concern and care on his face. 

“Jamie,” Claire breathed out, as he walked over to her and wrapped her in a hug. “I didn’t expect to see you today. I thought you had to work late?”

“Aye, I did, but I convinced Mary tae cover the event tonight in my place. I promised that I would bring her coffee tomorrow, since she has the early shift and will be there late tonight.”

“That was very kind of you. And despite wanting to tell you that it was unnecessary to make such an effort just for me, my therapist just told me we will be exploring my apparent “hyper-independence and my unwillingness to rely on people”, so I think a first step will be me just telling you I am glad you are here.”

Jamie chuckled at her rambling before helping her into her coat and turning to the receptionist. 

“Hi again, Ella,” he said, giving the older woman his most charming smile. “Could you go and get that thing I gave ye tae keep safe?”

The woman did so gladly while Claire looked at him with deep confusion on her face. 

“And just what is it that you needed Ella to keep safe for you?” Claire asked.

Jamie just smiled and left her question unanswered as they waited for Ella’s return. 

“Here ye are, Mr. Fraser,” Ella said as she returned to the reception desk. The woman handed Jamie a large plastic cup.

“Thank ye kindly, Ella. ‘Twas a pleasure tae meet ye. I hope ye have fun with yer granddaughter this weekend.” Ella smiled as she returned to her work. 

Before Claire could ask Jamie how on earth he became best friends with the receptionist in a matter of minutes, Jamie handed her the plastic cup, which Claire only just realized was a chocolate milkshake from her favorite ice cream shop.

“What’s this for?” She asked as Jamie pulled a straw from his pocket.

“I ken from experience that ice cream is the best way tae treat yerself after a therapy session. Ye just did very hard work for the last hour and more than deserve yer favorite milkshake as a reward. Ella put it in their staff freezer sae it wouldna be soup when I gave it tae ye.”

Claire happily drank some of the shake as they walked hand-in-hand into the fading light of the evening toward home. She never needed to have a week like this last one ever again, but it had shown her a new side of Jamie; a level of devotion to her and protectiveness of her that left her rattled by their unwavering steadfastness. She cried the hardest during her session when she tried to explain to her therapist what Jamie meant to her, the way he made her feel simultaneously strong and vulnerable, softening her hardened edges while also willingly embracing them as a part of what made her his Sassenach.

“I am so deeply in love with him,” Claire had sobbed to the therapist. “And I haven’t been able to tell him because I am so fucking scared.”

When the therapist pushed on what she was actually scared of, Claire rambled on and on about being unworthy of Jamie’s kindness, undeserving of his patience, being too broken for him to deal with, and so on. Only when the therapist asked Claire if she was projecting Frank’s opinions about her onto Jamie’s, did Claire fully realize the damage Frank had caused to her perception of her worth. She had so much healing ahead of her. 

—

Their walk home was mostly silent, Jamie firmly holding Claire’s hand but not forcing her to share anything from her first session. When she had walked into the office’s reception area, her eyes puffy and her face blotchy, Jamie knew all too well how she had to be feeling - exposed, confused, and dead tired. He had felt the same after almost all of his therapy sessions. And as eager, maybe even as desperate, as he was to tell her it was okay, he knew that in that moment, she felt too far from okay to believe it. So, instead he just hoped that his presence was enough to remind her that he believed in her and would be with her through every part of this journey. 

After going to her own apartment to drop off her things and freshen up and put on her sweatpants, Claire made her way back to his apartment for dinner, which Jamie ordered from a nearby ramen restaurant. They ate while watching the most recent episode of Taskmaster, and Jamie was relieved when Claire started laughing at the contestants’ antics and making silly comments about how she might complete the task of hiding a pineapple on her person. Meanwhile, Jamie shared all about how he was sure he could get five chickens to stand on a mat all at once faster than any of the contestants did. 

It was more levity than either of them had allowed themselves that week. A needed respite, and the first time in days they just sat and enjoyed each other’s company without the weight of heavy topics and spiraling anxiety needing to take immediate priority.

Claire’s hand had made its way to Jamie’s thigh, her fingers absentmindedly drawing light circles against his jeans, sending small shockwaves of excitement through him. There had been no attempts at anything more intimate than a few lingering kisses since Saturday; nothing that Claire hadn’t expressly asked for or initiated. Jamie was starved for her, he always was, and wanted nothing more than for them to get lost in each other and the intensity of their physical connection. But he also had not forgotten the look of absolute panic on Claire’s face, nor the fact that he was the one to cause it. It was inadvertent, and Claire reiterated more than once that she placed no blame on him, but it was much harder for Jamie to give himself the same grace. He definitely would have a lot to unpack at his own therapy session next month.

When Claire leaned in to nibble on his neck, Jamie’s eyes drifted close and a deep sigh escaped his lips. Her touch, her kisses were a salve to his own anxious thoughts, bringing him relief from the tension he carried within him for the last week. Claire’s mouth made her way to his in a searingly hot kiss, her legs moving to straddle his lap. When she started grinding down against him, Jamie’s hands clamped onto her hips, desperate for her to continue and uncertain he could bear much more. 

Claire broke the kiss and whispered into his ear, “Fuck me, Jamie.”

Jamie’s eyes snapped open at her request, searching her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were filled with heavy desire. But neither masked the fatigue that lined her features all week, nor did they hide her own uncertainty at her request. 

Jamie kissed her forehead softly before and gave her a regretful smile. 

“Claire, ye must ken there is nothing I want more than tae make love to ye. I dream about it almost every night, and have since the day we met. But tonight is not the night, Sassenach.”

Embarrassment flashed across Claire’s face, and she moved to climb off of Jamie’s lap, but he held her firmly in place. Resigned, Claire buried her head against his chest and let out a small sniffle. 

“I’m so sorry, Jamie. I don’t know what came over me. I just…I…You…You make me feel so safe and I just desperately want to forget this whole terrible week and feel something other than completely worthless.”

Jamie’s arms held her tight, letting her cry against his chest.

“Claire, ye are not worthless. Ye are a wonder. Yer kindness, yer resilience, yer courage. They all inspire me. Yer the most important person in my life, Sassenach, and I willna stand for ye calling the person I care about most in the world ‘worthless.’”

Claire sniffled again before choking out, “But look at me, Jamie. I am such a broken mess right now. It’s unfair of me to put you through all of this. You would be better off…”

Jamie inhaled sharply and turned Claire’s face so she was looking up at him. “Don’t ye dare finish that sentence. I will never be better off without ye, lass. Ye are in a rough patch right now, and ye will get through it. And sometime in the future, I will be in a difficult place and I ken ye will stand by me and see me through it. It  is what we do for people we love.”

Claire lifted her head from his chest and gaped at him. “What did you say?” She whispered, not sure she could trust her own hearing. 

“I said,” Jamie said with a shy smile, “that we stand by the people we love. And since I am deeply, utterly  in love with ye, Claire Beauchamp, ye should expect me tae be here through all of it.”

Claire looked stunned, her eyes wide with wonder and joy. “Jamie,” she breathed, her finger tracing across his temple and down his jaw line. “I love you, too.”  After all of her worry and consternation at therapy, the words tumbled freely and eagerly from her, surprising herself more than Jamie.

Claire’s kiss was slow and delicate, as if she wanted to memorize his lips, map their terrain, and let him do the same. They curled into bed a few hours later, tattooing their whispered words of love on the other’s skin, not knowing what came next, but trusting that their love would be enough. 

—

Two weeks later, with the promise of spring teasing the horizon, Jamie slammed his door shut as the cold rain dripped off of him into a puddle on the floor. It was fitting for the disaster of a day he had, and damning that, at this point, he would say getting stuck in an icy downpour was actually the best thing that happened to him that day. Well, no, he reasoned with himself, he did get to spend the pre-dawn hours with Claire, watching her fall blissfully apart on his fingers before she returned the favor. The return to such a level of intimacy was a sign of hope; a small indication of healing. But from there, the rest of the day was an unmitigated fiasco. 

It started with a full staff meeting, where the employees were informed that there was a new chief financial officer for Waterstones, a man named Richard Brown. Brown, who Jamie had met several times at conferences and such, was a notorious arsehole, more interested in accumulating his own wealth, power, and status than actually supporting the Waterstones employees under his leadership or being a champion of books and the community around him. But Brown was a sniveling little weasel who, in his previous role as a regional director, methodically replaced any of his detractors with people willing to kiss his arse and do his bidding. He led with fear and an iron fist, his employees either too afraid to challenge him or all too eager to witness him belittle and demean those who dared speak against him. Apparently, the CEO was an idiot too, believing that Brown was a leader of moral conviction and upstanding character, noting in his letter to staff that Brown had some of the highest scores ever on the staff feedback survey. Jamie scoffed when he read that part, knowing full well that Brown stood over the shoulders of employees while they took the survey to ensure they gave him a good score. 

For the most part, Jamie managed to stay out of Brown’s line of fire. He was not the regional director for Jamie’s store, and besides a few heated exchanges in conference workshops, their paths rarely crossed. Until now. 

In his new role, Brown identified a dozen “priority stores” across the U.K. which he would be focusing on to bolster sales and maximize revenue, one of which was Jamie’s store. As a first step, Brown would be visiting each of the twelve stores to meet with the management teams and review their budgets in depth. Jamie was told to expect Brown to be in Edinburgh next week. 

For the rest of the day, a ball of dread sat heavy in Jamie’s stomach. Brown was no doubt going to have harsh feedback on the store’s revenue, which Jamie knew was lower than many other stores, but profitable nonetheless. But no other stores hosted as many community events as Jamie’s, and readers and publishers alike consistently praised the way he and his team prioritized lesser known titles and spotlighted more local authors. There was a place for the splashy, popular titles, but for Jamie, the best part of his job was getting to cultivate a rich, diverse reading experience that exposed store patrons to things they might not otherwise discover. If that meant he spent more money stocking the store shelves with lesser known authors that didn’t sell as well but had a profound impact on those who read their work, so be it. But he suspected Brown would disagree. 

After a hot shower and feeding Adso, Jamie skimmed his bookshelf for something to read. He needed something engrossing to take his mind off of work. What he really wanted was Claire, but she was just a few hours into a ten hour shift at the hospital, and wouldn't be in his arms until after midnight. He sent her a few frustrated texts throughout the day, which were insufficient explanations of what was happening, but at least she knew that he was having a bad day. Claire, always knowing how to cheer him up, sent back the most ridiculous pictures of Adso she had on her phone, including one of his ridiculous cat’s behind wedged into one of his shoes, attempting to sleep. But Jamie knew that what he really needed was the certainty brought by Claire’s arms tightly wound around him, her face buried in the crook of his neck, as she assured him they would figure it out together.

Book selected, Jamie settled into his reading chair with Adso curled on his lap, letting the book take him to a different reality while he waited for Claire to bring him safely back to this one. 

Chapter Text

Claire sighed as she circled and then highlighted something in her notebook before jotting it down in a different notebook. Her life was really just a pile of slightly haphazardly organized notebooks filled with assorted medical knowledge at this point. 

“What’s that sigh about, Lady Jane?” Joe asked softly, looking up from his own stacks of notes. 

They were hidden in a small corner of the medical school’s library, far enough away from the next nearest harried, overworked medical student to have whispered conversations without the fear of a withering glare or an aggressive shushing. 

Somehow, it was already March, and their final exams, the ones that would determine if they were actually allowed to practice medicine, were just six weeks away. When she wasn’t at work, Claire was at the library, attempting to cram as much medical knowledge as possible into her oversaturated, overworked brain. She was closer than ever to achieving her dream, her calling, and yet all she wanted to do was curl into bed with Jamie and Adso and make time stop. 

The last few weeks pushed her to her limits. The restraining order against Frank was finally in place, thanks to Ned Gowan’s speedy, diligent work. And while that knowledge eased both her and Jamie’s minds, the ramifications of Frank’s Valentine’s Day stunt were still reverberating. Therapy, which Claire was attending once a week, seemed to be helping - if sobbing her eyes out while baring her soul could be considered helpful. It was cathartic, at least, to feel safe; to express her shame, her guilt, her anxieties. And every Thursday evening, Jamie waited for her in the reception office, chatting with his new best friend, Ella, ready to envelope Claire’s emotionally spent body into his arms. And he always brought her a treat too. She still didn’t know what she did to deserve him but was done trying to convince herself that he was better off without him. 

Claire glanced around to be sure that no one would overhear them.

“I’m worried about Jamie and his work situation,” Claire told Joe. “Today is the day that the new CFO is coming to his store to meet with him, and even though he was trying to act like it would all be okay, I could tell he was a ball of stress when he left this morning.”

His entire body was tense when she kissed him goodbye, only easing slightly at her whispered reassurances and extra kisses for good luck. 

“The CFO sounds like an egotistical maniac, from what you have told me, LJ, and that combined with Jamie’s stubborn temper is sure to cause some trouble,” Joe replied. 

“You are not helping, Joe,” Claire rolled her eyes. “I just wish I could figure out a way to be more helpful. He has taken such good care of me these last few weeks, and I want to do the same for him.”

“LJ, I know from experience that the most important thing you can do for him is to be there. To listen and remind him that he is not alone. Depending on what happens with this new guy, there might be bigger decisions Jamie needs to make and he will, no doubt, want to make those decisions with you.”

Claire nodded and sighed again. “I just wish I knew for sure that I was going to be able to stay in Edinburgh after graduation. I’ve applied to surgery positions at three different hospitals and haven’t heard anything yet. What happens if I don’t get a job here and have to move?”

“Listen, LJ. From everything I know about Jamie, that man would move to Antarctica with you, if that is where you end up. Would probably build you both a beautiful igloo to live in too. And besides, you know we aren’t supposed to hear back about jobs until May at the earliest, so stop your worrying for now.”

Claire knew Joe was right. She was just tired of being in limbo, not knowing where she would be working or where she would be living in just a few months. Really, she just wanted to know that whatever the next few months brought, that Jamie would be there with her, and her with him. The idea that she might have to move away from him left her nauseous. She took a deep breath, resolving not to let the anticipatory anxiety eat away at her, and went back to her notes, determined to give no future employer any reason not to hire her.

—

Jamie left work, shoulders slumped and mind whirling. The day went worse than he had expected, and he already thought he was expecting the worst. Brown arrived with a smug smile on his face and a small cadre of simpering goons trailing behind him. After giving Brown and his posse a tour of the store, making sure to highlight the lovingly curated displays and their thoughtful approach to community engagement, Jamie was then forced to sit through six straight hours of a budget review, where Brown mocked the store’s wide selection and lack of emphasis on profit. For hours on end, Jamie was told that everything he loved about being a bookseller - spreading the love of literature, building a community of invested readers, creating safe spaces, expanding horizons - were worthless, as they did not generate enough money. 

Instead, he was told that the store needed to prioritize authors and books that were popular on social media, as well as have fewer events with little known authors, all in the name of enhancing profit margins. Brown couldn’t care less about supporting local Scottish writers or whether or not people even read the books they were buying. He believed people were gullible and would buy a book solely because they heard it was popular. Jamie knew arguing back was pointless, even though those popular books were often lacking in diversity, over reliant on problematic tropes, and not particularly well-written or edited. There was certainly a place for them in the store, but not at the expense of spotlighting lesser known works. 

By the end of the day, Jamie’s head was spinning and his temper was barely in check. Brown left him with a list of action steps, all of which Jamie loathed, but none more so than having to let go of two of his booksellers. So, as he left the store, head down and lost in his own cycling thoughts, he didn’t see Claire leaning against the building waiting for him. But he did hear her.

“Jamie,” she called, her voice immediately calming his frayed nerves. 

Jamie spun around and nearly collided with Claire, who wrapped her arms around him, partly to hug him and partly to make sure he didn’t accidentally knock her over.

“Sassenach,” he breathed, his nose comforted by the sweet smell of her hair. “What are ye doing here?”

“You know me, I just love hanging around outside of bookstores and chasing after their sexiest employees,” Claire teased.

Jamie huffed and lightly pinched her side. “I better be the only one yer chasing after, lass.”

Claire kissed him, deep and slow, all the assurance he needed that he was her preferred and only purveyor of books. 

Once they parted, Claire took his hand in hers, turning them in the opposite direction of home. 

“And just where are ye taking me, Sassenach?” Jamie inquired, not really caring where, as long as it was with Claire and away from the store. 

“I figured that you might need a way to let go of all of the stress and tension from today,” Claire said. Jamie had managed to send her a few desperate texts throughout the day, each sounding more dire than the last. “And, to be honest, I could use an outlet, too. Therapy is great, but you know, sometimes you just need to rage a bit, right?”

Jamie looked at Claire curiously. “What are ye on about, Sassenach? What do ye mean by rage?”

“You’ll see,” Claire smirked. 

—

Claire wound them down a hidden street just off of the Royal Mile to a non-descript looking building with a sign above it that read “Smash Sanctuary.” 

Once inside, Claire turned to Jamie, who had a deeply confused look on his face. 

“What is this place, Sassenach? Where have ye brought me?”

“We are at the Smash Sanctuary, of course. Basically, you get 30 minutes in a room full of breakable things and you get to smash them all to bits,” Claire shared, a large smile on her face.

“Seriously?” Jamie asked. “And how is this supposed tae help?”

“You, James Fraser, are a man of action. You do best when you can channel your energy into movement, and while you managed to restrain yourself from pummeling Brown into the ground today, all of that energy is still pent up inside of you. It is a safe way for you to channel your anger and you have to think it is going to feel very cathartic to picture Brown’s face while you smash a ceramic bowl with a sledge hammer, right?”

Jamie burst out laughing at Claire’s logic. She knew him so well and had found a safe way for him to process his emotions, instead of just letting them stew inside of him until he did something rash. 

“Alright, Sassenach. Let’s go break stuff. 

—

Waivers signed and protective equipment on, Jamie and Claire entered their smash room and looked around. It was filled with an array of things that would be easier or harder to smash to bits - from smaller bits of pottery to larger wooden chairs, and all sorts of other things.

Claire grinned at Jamie as she picked up a glass champagne flute and threw it hard against the wall. Glass shards sprayed everywhere, and even though this was her idea, Claire was surprised at how satisfying it was to watch the glass shatter to pieces. 

“Come on, then,” Claire said, gesturing for Jamie to pick something to break. “Which object most personifies Brown?”

Jamie chuckled as he looked around the room some more. His eyes settled on a hideous ceramic vase. Was it covered in ceramic slugs? Either way, it was a disgusting shade of brown and certainly evoked a similar feeling in Jamie as Brown did. 

Jamie grabbed the vase off of its shelf and hurled it against the nearest wall, watching it explode into jagged bits. It was immensely satisfying. 

From there, the next 20 minutes passed in a frenzy as both Claire and Jamie pulverized nearly the entire room by throwing, stomping, and sledge hammering everything within their reach. 

A thrill ran through Claire as she watched Jamie stalk the room as he made calculated decisions about what to destroy next. She had taken a more relaxed approach, breaking whatever object was nearest before moving on to the next. But Jamie was a hunter looking for his prey, and she was immensely turned on as he breathed heavily, his eyes dark and focused. 

She couldn’t stop herself from pushing him against the wall after she watched him methodically break a set of dinner plates one after the next. Her rage had turned into desire, and she could feel his own pressing against her thigh. Before she could kiss him, a growl escaped him as he captured her lips in a searingly hot kiss. He lifted Claire into his arms, her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist, and he spun them around so Claire’s back was now pressed firmly into the wall. Claire knew he couldn’t help himself when he moved to her neck and bit her hard enough to leave a mark. But she also couldn’t help herself and returned the favor, burying her teeth into his flesh, causing him to groan loudly. 

Before it could go any further than that, the timer sounded, indicating that their 30 minutes was over and it was time to leave the room. Claire begrudgingly released her legs from Jamie’s waist, and he gave a disappointed sigh as she moved them both to the exit. 

Claire was right that channeling his anger into breaking things would be cathartic. As they walked home, he felt more in control of his emotions and more relaxed than he had in days. 

—

Later that night, Jamie, who had gone home to shower and bring Adso over to Claire’s, knocked on her door while holding tight to the restless cheetie clawing at Jamie to be put down. Claire unlocked the door and excitedly plucked the cat out of Jamie’s arm, cooing at him happily. Adso purred contentedly in Claire’s arms and rubbed his head against her cheek in a clear sign of affection.

“Why is the wee gremlin always sae happy tae see ye and when he sees me he just flops to the floor and meows like mad?” Jame complained.

“Well maybe it’s because I don’t call him names and I always make sure he gets dinner on time when we’re together,” Clarie answered, kissing Adso on the head before letting him down to the floor. He scurried away to his little bed in the corner of the living room, which was his favorite spot in Claire’s apartment. 

Claire turned to kiss Jamie, deeply inhaling his freshly washed scent. She had never asked, but her nose told her his shampoo was a heavenly combination of citrus and bergamot, with maybe a hint of mint as well. Whatever it was, combined with his own natural scent, Claire had come to associate it with joy and safety, the knowledge that she was home again. 

“It’s late, Sassenach, and ye have tae be at the hospital early, so let’s get tae bed?” Jamie suggested, pecking her lips lightly once more.

Claire groaned at the mention of work, but agreed it was time for bed, so she grabbed Jamie’s hand and led him to her bedroom. 

In their three or so months of officially being a couple, they had, to Claire’s surprise, quickly developed some shared routines. Depending on whose apartment they were in, one would clean the kitchen after dinner while the other would put away their laundry, sort their mail, or water the plants. And at bedtime, Jamie would always turn down the bed for both of them, making sure there was an extra blanket on Claire’s side. She was still prone to marveling at how Jamie seemed to naturally do his fair share of the household labor, something which Frank never thought was his responsibility. 

So, as they went through their bedtime routine - Claire brushing her teeth while Jamie fluffed the pillows and arranged the blankets - Claire waited with anticipation. 

“Sassenach?” Jamie called from the bedroom.

“What is it?” Claire asked, already knowing what it was. 

“What’s this wee gift ye’ve hidden under the covers? Is it for me?”

Claire walked back into the bedroom, where Jamie was holding the small wrapped box.

“Well, I suppose so, as it has your name on it and it was hidden on your side of the bed,” Claire chuckled as she kissed his cheek. “Go ahead and open it. It’s nothing grand but, well…” Claire shrugged her shoulders.

Jamie gave her one last curious look before carefully unwrapping the box. When he pulled off the lid, there was a Highland coo keyring nestled into some tissue paper.

“Ye got me a coo keyring?” He asked, looking puzzled. 

“You ridiculous man. Do you not see the key attached to the keyring?” Claire asked, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing too hard at him. 

“Oh, aye!” Jamie said with surprise as he took it out of the box. “The key was hidden under the paper. Is this the key tae yer heart, Sassenach?” He asked, flashing her a heart fluttering smile. 

“Well, it is a key to my apartment, so I guess you could also consider it the key to my heart, as it will give you direct access to me,” Claire said as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Ye want me tae have a key tae yer apartment?” 

“I do,” Claire replied. “It is practical, you see. That way, on nights I have to work late, I don’t have to come knocking on your door at 2AM to let me in and instead, you can just be here, keeping the bed warm for me, and I won’t have to wake you up.”

“Aye, I see,” Jamie smirked. “Ye are just using me for my body heat sae ye can keep cozy while ye sleep,” his hands moving from her lower back to her hips, pulling her even closer to him. 

“Quite right,” Clarie teased, kissing him softly. “Oh, and I guess also because I love you and knowing I get to come straight home to you…” Claire looked into Jamie’s eyes, not fully able to articulate what it meant to her to have him there. His eyes reflected his own love and understanding. There weren’t words for it, but they both understood what it meant for them as individuals, and for their relationship.

“Aye,” Jamie whispered, kissing her again. “I ken, Sassenach. And I canna even tell ye what it means tae me that ye trust me with yer heart. That ye want me here with ye.”

A tear ran down Jamie’s cheek, which Claire quickly kissed away before settling her head just under his chin. They stood with their arms wrapped around one another, lungs breathing at the same rate, hearts beating the same rhythm, both finding words to be inadequate for the moment. 

Eventually, they moved to the bed, quickly wrapping themselves around one another as they settled into sleep. 

“I’ll give ye a key tae my apartment tomorrow, Sassenach,” Jamie said with a yawn. “Ye ken, that way ye can make sure wee Adso get his dinner on time, since I am apparently a negligent owner.”

“Mmm,” Claire hummed as she burrowed closer to him. “You’re not negligent, dear, just in need of some corrective coaching. Adso and I will get you back on track.”

Jamie gave a sleepy chuckle. “What would I do without the two of ye helping me see the light?”

“Let’s hope we never have to find out,” Claire mumbled. 

“I love ye, Sassenach,” Jamie murmured, sleep quickly catching up with him. 

“Love you, too.” 

Chapter Text

Claire nearly had a panic attack when she retrieved her phone, which she had accidentally left in her locker, at the end of her shift. There were a dozen text messages from Jamie and five missed phone calls. She hurriedly hit his number, worried about what he might have to share. They had barely seen one another in the last week. Claire was precariously balancing an aggressive study schedule and work and the emotional toll that therapy was taking on her. Her final exams were now just four weeks away, and between her fear and anxiety about her future and her fear and anxiety that, even with a restraining order, Frank would suddenly appear, she always felt minutes away from a nervous breakdown. The few fleeting minutes she got to spend with Jamie each day were all that kept her from completely giving into the relentless waves of panic attempting to overtake her. He would just hold her and tell her how brilliant she was and how much he believed in her and, in his own Jamie way, fortify her spirit.

Jamie, meanwhile, was continuing to deal with Richard Brown’s ominous presence at the bookstore. It had only been a week since his first visit to the store, and Brown made sure Jamie felt his presence every day after. Brown expected daily progress reports from Jaime to assure that the store was implementing the action steps that he outlined. Jamie was defiant, though, refusing to blindly implement changes he disagreed with and knew would be long term detrimental to the store. He was playing with fire, he knew it, but he would rather go down fighting for what he knew was right and not give in to Brown’s rabid attempts at accumulating even more power. In his moments of doubt, Claire whispered reassurances that he was doing the right thing; and in his moments of frustration, Claire told him how proud she was of him for putting his employees and community first. She was all that was keeping his simmering rage from bubbling over. 

Thankfully, Jamie answered on the second ring, but Claire knew immediately that it wasn’t going to be good news. 

“Jamie? Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“The arsehole has put me on a performance improvement plan, Sassenach,” Jamie all but growled. 

“A performance improvement plan? What does that mean?” Claire asked, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Tis him saying in writing that I am failing tae meet expectations and if I dinna improve, I will either be demoted or fired,” Jamie scoffed, clearly frustrated but Claire could also hear the hurt in his voice. He was so passionate about his work, about building communities through books and stories, and to have Brown outright punishing him for prioritizing people over profits was demoralizing. 

“That absolute bastard,” Claire hissed. “I have half a mind to come over there and gouge his eyes out.”

Claire was relieved to hear Jamie give a small laugh at her rage on his behalf. She really did want to gouge his eyes out but she supposed that wouldn’t help the situation any. 

“Are you still at work now?” Claire asked. She tried hard to remember what he said his schedule was for the day, but between her own work and study schedules, she struggled to also keep track of his varied work hours. 

“Nae. I got home an hour ago and went for a run. I’m going tae take a shower and stew some more,” he replied. 

“Well that sounds like quite the booked evening,” Claire said with just a hint of sarcasm in her voice. “Listen, I really need to spend a few hours at the library but I promise to be home by 8pm. We can have a proper meal together and maybe I can find some ways to distract you and relieve some of your stress.” 

“Oh, and how might ye do that, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, his voice quickly turning low and husky. 

“Use your imagination,” Claire responded with her best attempt at sultriness.

Jamie groaned in anticipation. “Hurry home, Sassenach.”

“I will. But in the meantime, maybe instead of stewing, you could call Jenny and Ian or find something else more productive to do?” Claire suggested.

“I suppose yer right, Sassenach,” Jamie acquiesced. “Jenny and Ian are on vacation, though, but mebbe I will call John. It’s been too long since I’ve checked in with him.”

“That sounds like a perfect plan, love. Now let me get to the library so I can get home to you sooner,” Claire said, grabbing her overstuffed backpack and coat, turning to leave the staff room at the hospital. 

“Text me when ye are on the way home, Sassenach. Love ye.”

“I love you, too.”

—

Claire rarely left a study session feeling invigorated, but knowing that time with Jamie was her reward was all of the motivation she needed to focus. She left the library satisfied with the progress she made and conscious free of guilt that she would be taking the rest of the night off. As she climbed the stairs to her apartment, all Claire was thinking about was her lips on Jamie’s, and all of the different ways she could help him relieve his stress. Since Valentine’s Day, they eased back into their previous levels of intimacy, Jamie letting Claire dictate what felt safe, content to go at whatever pace was healthy for her. 

Claire was pretty sure she was ready for more, and spent a lot of her therapy session the previous week talking with her therapist about how to know if she actually was. She dreaded the thought that she would have a similar panic attack the next time she and Jamie attempted something more; dreaded that she did not know for sure how her brain and body would react. The conversation with her therapist was helpful in reminding Claire that, unlike with Frank, she knew that when she was with Jamie, she was safe and in control. Her therapist talked her through different ways to mentally and emotionally prepare herself, which included thinking about different scenarios and how she would communicate to Jamie what she was feeling and thinking. It was admittedly a bit awkward to do this with a therapist, but it reassured Claire to have some practical tools to use if she needed them. Of course, it was not like she and Jamie currently had enough time to do much else besides sleepily kiss each other goodnight, but Claire wanted to be prepared for whenever the moment arrived. 

Once in her apartment, Claire tossed her backpack onto the couch before hurrying to take a shower. She stripped off her clothes as she walked to the bathroom, not wanting to waste a second, so she could get to Jamie sooner. She was so focused on her goal that her brain initially did not comprehend that her bathroom floor was wet. And then she noticed the hole in the ceiling just above the shower and the pieces of plasterboard that had fallen to the shower floor. 

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!” Claire shouted. 

The hole in the ceiling was probably over three feet in diameter and there was a pipe spraying a steady stream of water all over the place, including onto her. Claire quickly ran to her closet to grab towels, throwing them down on the bathroom floor in a futile attempt to soak up the water while more continued to fall. She then ran back to the living room to find her phone in her backpack, hurriedly scrolling through her contacts to find the landlord’s information. 

Thankfully, the landlord answered, despite it being after normal business hours, and said she would be at Claire’s as quickly as she possibly could. Claire then frantically called Jamie.

“Hi Sassenach,” he said brightly in greeting. “Are ye home yet?”

“Jamie, my ceiling fell in and there’s water all over my bathroom. I need all of the towels you have. Can you come over now?” Claire was talking rapidly, trying desperately to keep herself from screaming in frustration over this unforeseen, unneeded turn of events. 

“On my way,” Jamie replied immediately, hanging up before she could say anything else. 

Before Claire could even decide what to do next, she heard Jamie knocking on her door. 

“Did I not just give the man a key?” Claire muttered to herself as she went to open the front door. 

Claire swung open the door, full of a slightly manic energy, which was why she thought Jamie, who was holding so many towels, was gaping at her. But when his pupils dilated and his eyes darkened - telltale signs of his desire— she suddenly realized that she was still just in her bra and panties. 

“Please tell me the hole in yer ceiling is just a euphemism for ye wanting me tae see ye in yer skivvies, Sassenach,” Jamie said breathlessly. 

Claire rolled her eyes and sighed. “I wish,” she said, motioning him into the apartment and to the bathroom.

“Oh, Christ!” Jamie yelled when he saw the water spraying everywhere. 

Claire told him that their landlord would be there soon as they threw more towels on the floor, attempting to keep the water from the carpeted bedroom. From there, Jamie sprang to action, asking Claire if she had a chair or stool so he could get a better look at the pipes. 

“It looks like there is a huge crack in this pipe, here, Sassenach,” Jamie said, as water sprayed directly into his face. “We are going tae need the water turned off tae stop it, but while we wait, mebbe I can at least stop it from spraying sae much. Give me a few of those towels.”

It took Jamie a few minutes and several Gaelic curse words to sufficiently tie enough towels around the pipe to slow the spray of water enough that it wasn’t going all over the bathroom. It was definitely a temporary solution, but it was effective enough that it allowed Claire’s rapidly beating heart to slow to a normal rhythm…until she noticed Jamie’s now soaked, skin tight t-shirt showing off his well-defined torso. 

“What are ye looking at, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, noticing her heated stare.

“Just appreciating the view,” Claire answered nonchalantly, reaching out to trace the outline of his abs through his shirt. 

“Oh, are ye then?” He asked, wrapping himself and his soaking wet clothes around her nearly naked body. 

“Aye,” Claire whispered, capturing his lips in a sultry kiss. 

Somehow, Claire ended up with her back against a wall, Jamie’s large body pressing into hers firmly as his mouth moved to the tops of her breasts. Claire’s head fell back against the wall, exhaling a sigh of deep satisfaction and need as Jamie’s mouth worked and his hands raked up and down her sides. They were so lost in each other that when a loud knock came from the front door, they startled apart, both of them confused as to who could possibly be interrupting them. 

Claire got her bearings first. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” she muttered for probably the tenth time that evening. “That will be Maisie,” she said, referring to the building’s landlord. 

Claire hurriedly grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to throw on, as she was still just in her bra and underwear, yelling that she was on her way. 

“A few of your t-shirts are in the top drawer,” Claire said to Jamie, “I don’t think Maisie wants to see you in a soaked shirt.”

“She doensa want tae, or you dinna want her tae, Sassenach?” Jamie asked teasingly as walked to the dresser. 

“She’s a married lesbian in her late forties, Jamie. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to,” Claire sassed as she headed to answer the door. 

Much like both Claire and Jamie had, Maisie let out a long string of curses when she saw the situation in the bathroom. She quickly hurried to some other place in the building to turn off the water to Claire’s apartment, before coming back to get a better look at the cracked pipe. 

“I don’t know how long it is going to take to get this all repaired, lass,” Maisie said with regret-filled a sigh. “I’ll have a plumber come look at the pipes tomorrow, and hopefully he will have good news for me. And then we will need a contractor to come repair the ceiling. I’m afraid we won’t be able to turn the water back on until the pipe is fixed. Do you have some place you could stay for a few days?”

Claire glanced at Jamie, who had a large smile on his face, clearly thrilled that she was about to be his short term roommate. 

“I can stay with Jamie just down the hall,” Claire replied, a small blush creeping up her face.

“Are the two of you an item then?” Maisie asked. “I saw ye flirting in the garden way back in the autumn and there was quite the spark between you.”

Claire’s mind flashed back to that day in the garden. Jamie’s clumsy fall, patching up his knee, the ease that came with sitting next to him and breathing the same air, all on a perfect, sparkling autumn afternoon. It felt strange to recall a time when she wasn’t his, when she wasn’t madly in love with him. How was it that just six months ago she didn’t recognize what she was certain she had known her entire life?

“We are,” Claire said with a shy smile, her eyes flicking to Jamie’s, whose own eyes were filled with love.

“Good for you,” Maisie replied with a happy nod, giving them both a warm smile. “I’m going to take a few pictures and I can help clean up this mess before I go, that way you can get on with your evening.”

—

It took them another hour to get the bathroom sufficiently dry and all of the soaking wet towels stuffed into two different washing machines in the laundry room. Claire packed an overnight bag so she had everything she needed in the morning to go to work, and wearily dragged herself to Jamie’s apartment, where he had already returned so he could shower and get their dinner ready. 

Claire took a quick shower herself, before they settled onto the couch with bowls of pasta in their hands. 

“This certainly wasn’t the way I was hoping for the evening to go,” Claire said as she twirled some spaghetti around her fork, letting it cool.

Jamie gave a tired sigh. “Me neither, Sassenach. Though, I have tae say, it was an effective distraction for a few hours, even if it is not the one planned for,” he gently squeezed her knee before moving to eat his own pasta. 

“Things have been so stressful lately, for the two of us,” Claire started. “I was really hoping we could take a break from the stress for just one night. I know I see you everyday, but I miss you.” 

Her words came out more emotional than she intended them to, but she really did miss him. They hadn’t had enough time to talk, to laugh, to enjoy each other over the last several weeks, and all she wanted was to spend a few uninterrupted hours with him. There was still so much to learn about him, to ask him. So much for them to learn about each other. 

They sat and ate in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts, each increasingly feeling the heavy weight of their own and each other’s exhaustion settling into their bones. 

“Do ye work on Friday, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, interrupting the silence.

“No. Joe and I have plans to study Friday morning, but otherwise I was planning to spend the afternoon cleaning the house. Which now might not be possible,” Claire answered. “Why do you ask?”

“What if we took a little weekend trip? I ken a great hotel just across the firth. We could stay Friday and Saturday night,” Jamie asked. His eyes were filled with hope and maybe a bit of mischief too.

Claire’s heart soared at the thought of a few days completely alone with Jamie, away from all of their current chaos and stress in Edinburgh. 

“Can I bring my notes to study?” Claire asked bashfully. 

Jamie chuckled and reached out to grab her hand, holding it tightly. The warmth from his palm radiated through her, sending shivers through her body as it settled into her. 

“Let’s make a deal. Ye can have two hours tae study on Saturday, and I will get us home early enough on Sunday sae ye can do whatever ye need tae do,” Jamie replied, pulling her onto his lap. 

Claire wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly. “Let’s do it.”

—

Once they were in bed, the unexpected events of the evening and looming early mornings for both of them leaving them too tired to do anything but sleep, Jamie remembered the question he had been meaning to ask Claire all evening. He knew she was still awake, as her hand was lightly running up and down his arm, which was draped over her waist, holding her back firmly to his front. 

“Sassenach?” 

“Hmmm?” Claire contentedly, sleepily inquired.

“Ye ken how I’ve been keeping a few spare items of clothing at yer place like ye’ve been doing at mine?”

“Mmhmm,” Claire hummed in acknowledgement that she knew what he was talking about. 

“Weel, ye see, when I went tae grab a dry shirt from yer dresser earlier, I couldna help but notice my favorite rugby shirt was hiding at the bottom of the drawer.”

Claire’s body stiffened just slightly, and even though he could not see her face, he knew a blush was spreading across her cheeks. 

“Really?” Claire’s voice feigned ignorance. “How did it get there?”

“That’s a good question, lass. Ye see, I distinctly remember ye trying tae slip it in tae yer laundry basket a few weeks ago when we were doing our washing. Trying tae steal my favorite shirt right underneath my nose. And when I caught ye, ye grudgingly gave it back. I even remember putting it away in my closet.”

“Can’t be much of a favorite shirt if you haven’t realized it is missing for nearly a month,” Claire muttered.

Jamie maneuvered them so Claire was on her back, with him hovering above her.

“Sae ye admit tae stealing my shirt, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, his lips ever so lightly brushing hers with the question. 

“No comment,” Claire replied, unable to keep the smirk off of her face or her lips from kissing him. 

“Ye wee vixen. Just what do ye need my shirt for, lass?”

“Well, if you must know, I like to have something that reminds me of you when we aren’t together. I keep it with your other things so it holds your smell better.” Claire paused, as if debating if she should say more “I often take it to the library with me when I study because it is cold and when I put it on, it is like you are keeping me warm,” Claire grimaced. “Oh god, that sounds so corny when I say it aloud.”

“Nah, Sassenach. Tis sweet. I wish I could squeeze in tae one of yer shirts and do the same,” Jamie told her as he kissed her nose and then her forehead. 

Claire snorted at the image of Jamie attempting to get on one of her shirts. He probably wouldn’t be able to even get one arm through a sleeve. 

“Does that mean I can keep it?” Claire asked, giving him her best puppy dog eyes. 

Jamie kissed her deeply, taking his time to make her breathless. 

“Aye, ye can, Sassenach, but ye better keep it safe and let me borrow it from time tae time,” he whispered to a dazed Claire.

“You have a deal,” Claire answered back, reaching up to grab his face to steal his breath away from him as well.  

Chapter Text

Jamie spent Friday morning packing for their trip, feeling a complicated mixture of excitement and nervousness. It had been easy enough to book a stay at the hotel, and he was even able to organize a few surprises for Claire, despite having not even two days to plan. He felt confident that this trip was a good idea for them as individuals and as a couple. But when he picked Claire up from her therapy session last night (with a large chocolate chip cookie in hand), his Sassenach looked wrecked. Her eyes were red and puffy, with dried tears on her cheeks and her nose red from blowing it. She promised him that she was okay. It was a hard session, she told him, focused on exploring the ways the blame she placed on herself for what happened with Frank were connected to her perception of herself and her self-worth. She couldn’t help but feel that she deserved the treatment she received from Frank, even though she understood that no one deserved that sort of abuse, no matter who they were. 

Jamie felt the rage boiling inside of him, as he always did when they talked about the ways in which Frank’s actions and words impacted Claire. It took everything in him to not immediately tell her all the ways in which he saw her as worthy, deserving of being treated with love and respect just as she was, because of who she was. He knew that his external validation was not what she needed, instead that it was an internal process she needed to heal. But it didn’t stop him from throwing in a few extra “I love yous,” throughout the course of the night, or from thinking of new ways to show her what it was to be loved unconditionally. 

Claire was still a bit quiet, a bit lost in her own thoughts, as she got ready to head to the library that morning, but after she kissed him goodbye - it was a suggestive kiss, filled with anticipation - her smile not only reached her eyes but the gold flecks in her whisky colored eyes sparkled radiantly, in a way they only ever did for him. 

Just as he was putting the finishing touches on a note for Adso’s cat sitter (“he will try to con you into extra treats, remain strong and don’t give in,” “if you cannot find him, he is probably underneath the pillows on the bed,” etc.), when he heard the sound of the door unlocking. 

Claire dropped her weekend bag by the door before accepting Jamie’s kiss. 

“Let me just finish this note for Rabbie. He’s taken care of Adso before but I want tae leave him a few reminders,” Jamie said, turning back to his note.

Rabbie MacNab lived down the hall from them with his mother, Mary. Claire had met the teenager and his mother a few times, and knowing that Jamie trusted his beloved cat to their care confirmed her belief that they were kind and trustworthy neighbors. 

While Jamie finished his note, Claire went looking for the cat. She found him in his newest hiding spot, which was underneath the pillows on her side of the bed. Neither she nor Jamie had witnessed how he managed to get under the pillows without knocking them off of the bed, all while keeping his face exposed just enough to not suffocate. Claire laid down gently on the bed near Adso, not wanting to disturb him, and started talking to him, reminding him to behave for Rabbie and telling him how much they would miss his cuddles. 

Jamie stood, unnoticed, in the bedroom doorway, watching as Claire chatted with Adso, a type of happiness he never knew was possible reverberating through him. He was excited for and anxious about the weekend, wanting it to be everything Claire needed and deserved, and watching her happily have a one sided conversation with his cat only motivated him more to make sure his Sassenach came home on Sunday feeling as cherished and loved as she made him (and Adso) feel.

—

“Jamie, you can’t be serious,” Claire gasped as they drove up to their hotel. 

The ride passed quickly, with Claire updating Jamie about the repairs her apartment would need. Apparently, the pipe that had cracked would need to be completely replaced, and not just patched up at the spot of the leak. That would be at least a two week project, according to the plumber, followed by another week or two for the contractor to repair the ceiling. Neither Claire nor Jamie seemed particularly upset about the longer than expected timeline for repairs.

“What do ye mean, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, biting back a smile. 

“We are not staying at The Balmoral. It’s one of the fanciest hotels in Scotland. There is no way you can afford this,” Claire chided. “I am not letting you go bankrupt over a two-night getaway.”

“Dinna fash, Sassenach. Ye are right that I canna afford a room at full-price, but it helps that I ken the owner,” Jamie answered.

“How am I just learning that you know the owner of one of the best hotels in the country?” Claire asked, lightly slapping his arm.

Jamie laughed. “I guess it just never came up. I’ve kent Louise for years. She came in tae the bookstore once, desperately in need of help finding a first edition copy of Les Miserables . I was able tae connect her with the right people, and now every time she is in Edinburgh, she stops in tae say hello and remind me I am welcome at her hotels any time. She and her husband, Charlie, come from very wealthy families - hers in France, his here in Scotland - and they own a dozen luxury hotels around the world.”

Claire shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe we get to spend our weekend here. Thank you, Jamie.”

“Ye’re welcome, lass,” he replied, leaning over to kiss her softly. 

—

Jamie was having the best time watching Claire take in all of the luxuries of the hotel, including their room. Louise had gone overboard and booked them into one of the hotel’s suites overlooking the water. No amenity was overlooked; from the softest of towels and robes in the bathroom and the innumerable pillows piled high on the bed to the overstuffed fruit bowl and well stocked bar cart. And, at his request, there were two dozen pink and peach English roses on prominent display on the dresser. Jamie had never experienced such luxury himself, but it was Claire’s joy, more than anything, that he cared about. And based on her current incandescent smile, he was sure that this was the best idea he’s ever had. 

“Jamie!” Claire shouted from the bathroom, “Did you see this bathtub? 

Did he? It was one of the first things he noticed when they entered the room. It was a large soaking tub, surely big enough to fit them both. Testing it out was high on his list of priorities. 

Jamie walked into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around Claire from behind. Her head fell back to meet his chest and her arms encircled his while a happy sigh escaped her lips. 

“Aye, I saw the tub, Sassenach,” he whispered low into her ear, unable, unwilling to keep the lust from his voice. “I have big plans for us and that tub.” Jamie nipped at Claire’s ear, eliciting a surprised gasp from her. When Claire pushed her hips back to more firmly pressed against him, Jamie’s groan was so loud it reverberated throughout the bathroom and into Claire’s bones. 

“Come on, Sassenach,” Jamie said, a bit breathlessly. “They’ve left us a charcuterie board and champagne tae start the weekend off.”

They sat on the love seat hip-to-hip, fingers occasionally dancing across the other’s thigh, as they ate and talked. Like everything else in the hotel, the charcuterie and champagne provided were magnificent. There were five different types of cured meat and six varieties of cheese, along with crackers, fruits, olives, and nuts. 

“Have you tried this baked brie yet?” Claire asked Jamie.

“Nae, ye’ve been hogging it. But I dinna mind because ye are making those wee noises of yers every time ye take a bite,” Jamie smirked as he kissed her cheek. 

“I do not make wee noises,” Claire huffed, but she was biting back a smile, knowing all too well that she did have a penchant for being vocal.

“Here,” Claire said as she spread some brie on a cracker. “Try some.”

She fed the cracker to Jamie, but some of the melted cheese missed his mouth and smeared just below his bottom lip. Acting on pure instinct, Claire brought her lips to Jamie’s, softly kissing him before darting her tongue out to slowly lick the cheese from him.

“Mmm,” Claire purred as she pulled away.

A devilish smile spread across Jamie’s face as he reached over to the cheese to scoop some up with his fingers. He spread the gooey cheese around and on Claire’s lips and then took his time slowly kissing and licking it away. 

When he was done, Claire was panting hard, and her eyes were glazed over with pure desire. Before he could consider his next move, Claire moved to straddle his lap and capture his lips in a demanding kiss. Her hands pushed him back against the couch and then moved to push his sweater up and over his head. Her tongue was then dancing across his torso, tracing the hard lines of his muscles as he struggled to catch his breath. 

“Sassenach,” he gasped when she lightly bit his stomach. “We dinna have much time before my next surprise.” 

Claire gave him a wicked smile. “Well then, we better be efficient with our time, hmm?” Her hands went to his belt, which she deftly removed before she pulled off his jeans. 

Claire never wanted to pleasure a man more than she did with Jamie at this moment. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were dark and heavy with lust as he looked down at her. She was nervous about this weekend. Nervous about how she might react to their inevitable attempts at more intimacy. She was by no means cured of the anxiety and panic that overtook her on Valentine’s Day, and knew that she might never be. But she also spent part of every therapy session so far talking about how to move forward with Jamie, despite not knowing if or when she might have another panic attack. 

Like so many other things, it seemed to come down to communication - Claire with Jamie, and just as importantly, Claire with herself. So, Claire took the advice of her therapist and created a small daily meditation routine focused on repeating a series of positive self-affirmations. She was so good at being critical of herself that she often felt foolish while running through the affirmations (which her therapist helped her create), but she did notice that she felt calmer and more at peace after she said them. Would it stop all future panic attacks? Would it solve her anxiety? No. But she hoped it would reduce the frequency and intensity of both. 

Claire took a deep breath before she slipped her fingers into the waistband of Jamie’s boxer briefs, looking him in the eyes for permission to remove them. He nodded enthusiastically and then groaned loudly when her hand firmly grasped him and began stroking him. He would never get over the soft warmth of her hand encircling him and how his entire soul left his body when she did. 

Claire never felt more powerful than when she had Jamie hot and hard in her hand. His whole body came alive as she touched him and she loved how his face contorted with an exquisite combination of pleasure and pain. She shifted back up his body to kiss him, slow and hot, not relinquishing her hold on him as she did. 

She pulled back slightly, her lips still touching his, and whispered, “Do I have permission to put my mouth anywhere I want?”

Jamie’s eyes snapped open at her question, finding hers staring at him mischievously. 

“Sassenach, are ye just teasing me with quotes from Tangled Up In Tartan or are ye really asking?”

“Both,” Claire stated as she moved her mouth to his neck, biting him hard enough to leave a mark. 

“Claire, I think I have told ye more than once that ye have permission tae do whatever ye want tae me. My body is yers for the taking,” Jamie choked out as she continued to leave small love bites down his neck and across his collarbone. 

Claire hummed happily as she kissed her way down his body once more, moving eagerly toward his erection. 

The first pass of Claire’s tongue across his tip was nearly enough to make him pass out, and when her warm, wet mouth fully surrounded him, it took every ounce of willpower remaining in him to not immediately release himself. The sight of her tending to him in this way was nearly his undoing, as her curls bounced around her face and tickled his thighs. 

Claire couldn’t help but revel in the control she felt over Jamie as she explored what would cause him to writhe, groan, and curse incoherently in Gaelic. He was magnificent as he spiraled out of control, his hands clutching at the love seat and his abs flexing harder and harder the closer he came to completion. Images of him like this, vulnerable with want and on the brink of satisfaction, would be burned into her mind forever. 

With a final, guttural groan, Jamie came hard, causing Claire to ungracefully gag with the force of it, though she doubted he would notice or care. While he recovered, eyes clenched closed tightly and gasping for air, Claire quickly ran to the bathroom to rinse out her mouth, before returning to him on the sofa, curling herself into his still panting body. She kissed his cheek and then his lips lightly, while he held her close, whispering what sounded like phrases of love and appreciation in Gaelic. 

“And what is it that you are saying?” Claire asked, giving him a cheeky smile. 

“Ach, I said ‘I thought my heart was going tae burst.’ I have never felt sae certain I wouldna survive and was more than happy with my impending cause of death,” he added with a smirk, which earned him a gentle slap on the chest from Claire. 

They kissed languidly for a few minutes, his hands gently exploring her still clothed body. Jamie slowly pulled back from her kisses and looked her in the eyes. 

“Sassenach, I want tae return the favor, but we dinna have much time before we need tae go to our surprise, and well, I dinna want tae rush us through it, just in case, ye ken?”

Claire nodded, placing a kiss over his heart. “I know. I don’t want to rush it either. It might cause me to panic, knowing we are on a deadline,” a look of embarrassment flickered over Claire’s face, and Jamie reached up to trace her brow.

“Dinna fash, Sassenach. Whenever it happens, I plan tae take my time with it anyway. Really make sure I get tae properly investigate all of the wee noises ye make,” he grinned, his fingers moving to the hem of her sweater. 

“Whatever motivates you, I guess,” Claire said with teasing exasperation. “And just what do you think you are doing, trying to take off my shirt? I thought we had to go?”

“Och, I said we dinna have a lot of time, but we have some, ye see, and while we might not have time for new things, we have plenty for one or two things I ken will make ye moan happily,” he answered as he pulled her sweater over her head and moved to the button of her jeans. 

Claire sighed happily as Jamie’s mouth explored her neck and chest while his fingers deftly moved over and within her. The pleasure he brought her from this alone was all-consuming, so the anticipation of what would hopefully come this weekend was enough to push her, blissfully, unrestrainedly over the edge, moving her hand to cover Jamie’s to keep him from letting her pleasure end too soon. 

They snuggled on the couch for a few more minutes, slow to break their bubble of glowing satisfaction, but Jamie eventually dragged them both to standing, telling Claire to put on comfortable clothes. When they were dressed and ready, they left their room hand-in-hand, giggling and smiling as they made their way down the hallway. 

—

The hotel’s spa was the epitome of luxury, Claire thought to herself, as she sat in a soft, fluffy robe in a dimly lit, tranquil room, waiting for her masseuse to arrive. Jamie wanted to make sure they started their weekend relaxed, he told her, so he treated them both to deluxe spa packages, which included a facial and a full body massage for each of them. Her facial already left her feeling revitalized and relaxed, and she was very excited for the masseuse to dig into her stressed neck and shoulder muscles. 

Jamie was off getting his own treatments, having told Claire he would be far too distracted if they did them together. “Massages are meant tae relax ye, Sassenach. And I canna think of anything less relaxing for me than listening tae ye moan and groan yer way through a massage.”

Claire appreciated the alone time, however, as it gave her space to calm her overexcited nerves and practice some additional self-affirmation in hopes of centering herself and ameliorating her ever-present anxieties. She breathed deeply and exhaled slowly while she waited, rooting herself in the present moment and all of the things she was grateful for; Jamie chief among them.

—

Jamie had never had a facial. He wasn’t entirely sure what one even involved before the esthetician began rubbing her potions and lotions on his face, but he quickly understood the appeal as the tension he didn’t even know he was holding left his jaw and temples. And now he was lying contentedly on the table, in his robe, with some sort of mask on his face and cooling cumbers covering his eyes, wondering if there was enough room in his budget for a regular facial. 

He hoped Claire was finding her spa treatments equally as satisfying. She deserved to be pampered, and while he could not afford to regularly treat her to such a lavish experience, he could give her this. Someday, maybe, he could provide her more luxuries, but he hoped that, for now, this could be enough. 

—

After their time at the spa, Claire and Jamie returned to their room, both ravenous for dinner but not very interested in putting on anything more fancy than their current joggers and sweatshirts. They perused the room service menus, debating what to get, before settling on an appetizer, two entrees, and dessert, all to share. 

Claire could not stop yawning as they watched an episode of Taskmaster in bed while they waited for their food. 

“Tired, Sassenach?” Jamie asked after seeing her yawn for the fifth time in ten minutes. 

“Mmm, I am,” Claire sighed. “I already was, and then the massage made it even worse.”

“We can go tae bed right after dinner, then,” Jamie said as he tucked an errant curl behind her ear and kissed her cheek. 

Claire snuggled in closer to his side, more content than she could ever remember being, and so much of it was due to Jamie and his love of and belief in her, in them . 

Chapter Text

Claire woke with a start from a very sensual dream involving her and Jamie and a lot of dirty talk. She could feel her entire body blushing as she took some deep, calming breaths to center herself and cool her overheated body. It wasn’t the first sexual dream she had had about Jamie, but it was the most visceral so far, every part of her body excited and thrumming with need. As her heart rate slowed, she tried to assess what time it was. Based on what she could see out of the windows, it was still very early, just entering that blue hour before dawn when the world was impossibly still. To her left, Jamie remained sleeping peacefully, the blankets draped around his waist, his broad chest on full display. 

As promised, they went to bed right after they ate dinner the night before, both of them worn out from weeks of stress and busyness. Claire was pretty sure she had never slept more soundly in her life, the combination of an insanely comfortable bed, Jamie’s body heat, and her own happiness lulling her into a deep, rejuvenating sleep. If only they could stay in this little bubble of bliss for more than just the weekend, she thought to herself, already dreading having to go back to reality tomorrow afternoon. But she was determined to make the most of their time here together, just the two of them, away from the rest of the nonsense currently happening in their lives. 

Claire rolled over onto her side to get a better look at Jamie’s sleeping form. He was laying on his side, facing her, his hair delightfully mussed and his face relaxed. She reached out to trace his features, gently brushing her finger along his brow, his cheek, and across his lips. When he gave a small smile at her touch, Claire’s heart squeezed tight. She loved him so much. Unable to help herself, she scooted close enough to him to kiss his chest lightly, her hand moving to skim across the expanse of his chest and across his abdomen.

She gasped in surprise when Jamie suddenly grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly, all while he kept his eyes closed. 

“Yer wee touches are flirting with danger, Sassenach,” his gravelly voice warned. “Especially in the mornin’ when my body is already more than halfway ready for ye.”

Claire smiled and bit her lip before leaning in to kiss him tenderly.

“My apologies,” Claire whispered against his lips. “I just find it very difficult to keep my hands off of you,” she said as she kissed him again, this time with more heat. 

Jamie groaned as Claire’s tongue slid against his, his hands moving of their own volition to clutch her waist.

When they parted, Jamie finally opened his eyes to look at her. He loved every version of her, but there was something about early morning Claire that particularly enamored him. Her normal mane of untamed hair was even more buoyant, her amber eyes sparkled more vibrantly, and her sleep-warmed skin was impossible not to touch. His Sassenach was never more beautiful to him than she was in the morning, when she was his alone to behold, his alone to reverently witness. 

He gave her a sleepy smile before tugging her tight against him, kissing her unhurriedly. Their hands wandered, exchanging caresses, eliciting soft sighs of pleasure, easing each other into the day in the best way possible. When Claire’s hand slipped below the waistband of Jamie’s boxer briefs, he gently stopped her and pulled back from their kissing, leaving them both panting as they stared at one another. 

“Not yet, Sassenach,” he whispered huskily. “We are in no rush, and I intend tae take my sweet time with ye.” He seamlessly maneuvered them so his body was above hers, and he quickly returned his lips to hers, his kiss conveying a level of potent desire that shot straight to her core. 

Jamie kept to his promise of taking his time as his lips moved from her lip to her neck, leaving what she was sure would be a trail of bite marks down to her clavicle. Eventually, his hands made their way to the buttons on her pajama top, stopping to kiss the new patch of exposed skin after undoing each button. When he spread the shirt open, Claire moaned with need, feeling more desperate for his touch than ever. 

Jamie couldn’t help but smirk at how turned on Claire already was. She was writhing beneath him, demanding he return his mouth to her body. She was always vocal when they were intimate, the noises of need and pleasure she made were his favorite sound in the world, but this morning she was even more explicit in her demands, which only spurred him on more. 

Claire’s eyes rolled to the back of her head when Jamie’s mouth finally clamped around one of her nipples, taking his time to pay it thorough attention before moving to the other. Her hands were gripping his head, holding him tight to her chest, urging him on eagerly. Eventually, he started moving lower, his mouth leaving no part of her stomach untouched before he made his way back to her mouth.

“Can I touch ye, Sassenach?” He asked, gasping as she rubbed her body against his. 

“Please,” she panted, taking one of his hands and placing it on the waistband of her cotton shorts. 

Jamie quickly removed her shorts, surprised to find her completely bare underneath. 

“Are ye no wearing underwear, Sassenach?”

Claire smirked at the surprise on his face. “I didn’t see the need to,” she answered nonchalantly. 

Jamie growled at that, his fingers moving to slowly stroke her. 

Claire groaned happily as Jamie methodically worked her, his skilled hands so good at knowing just what to do to cause her to lose control. But she found herself wanting more, needing more. She was ready, she suddenly realized. It was the first time the fear of any anxiety, fear driven reaction was outweighed not only by her voracious need but by her confidence in how much Jamie wanted to please her and keep her safe. And how much she wanted to do the same for him.

“Jamie,” she moaned as his fingers slid teasingly slowly into her. “Jamie, wait, stop.”

Jamie froze immediately and moved his hand away from Claire’s flesh. 

“What’s wrong, Sassenach? Are ye alright?” Concern lined his face. 

“I’m more than fine. I was just maybe thinking that maybe you would be interested in tasting me instead?” Claire suggested, feeling both embarrassed and silly for feeling embarrassed at asking for what she wanted so brazenly. 

Jamie’s eyes darkened at her offer, and he moved to lay down next to her, wanting to be sure that she was ready to try this again.

“Are ye sure, Sassenach?” He asked, brushing a mass of curls away from her eyes so he could look directly into them. 

‘Very sure,” Claire said. “I want more with you, and I trust you are going to take care of me.”

Jamie kissed her sweetly, rubbing his nose against hers, seemingly just breathing her in for a moment. 

“And ye will tell me immediately if ye are uncomfortable or if ye need me tae stop?” 

“I promise,” Claire breathed against his lips before capturing them, kissing him languidly. They kissed lazily for a few minutes, until Claire started squirming impatiently. 

Jamie gave her one last lingering kiss and moved down her body again, focused on his mission. He took his time kissing Claire’s inner thighs, delighting in her frustrated moans and curses. When he finally settled his mouth over her core, his tongue taking his first taste of her, he couldn't help the groan that escaped him at the taste of her. And when he heard her own gasp, followed by her fingers moving to clutch his hair, he felt a wave of relief spread through him. 

Claire could barely manage to take a breath as Jamie’s mouth and tongue explored her. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this level of spiraling desire, the escalating need for it to never stop and for immediate release leaving her unable to think of anything but of Jamie and how he was setting her entire body ablaze in ways she never knew were possible. She needed to be closer to him and she pushed her body hard against his mouth, resulting in him growling and playful biting her inner thigh before he returned to the task at hand. And when she was no longer able to withstand the seismic pressure within her, begging to be released, she let herself go, Jamie’s name leaving her lips with the last available breath she had in her body. 

Jamie watched in awe as Claire recovered, her entire body flushed and breathing rapid, completely blissed out and entirely unaware of how fucking beautiful she was when she was shattered like this. Her pleasure was his drug of choice, and he would gladly spend the rest of his life chasing moments like this one - his Sassenach sated and glowing at his doing. 

Jamie crawled back up to lay beside her, letting his fingers slowly draw circles on her stomach and inching upward. He grinned when Claire’s hand came up to grab his so she could bring it to her mouth and kiss the back of it. Unsatisfied with that, Jamie’s lips made their way to hers, neither of them able to keep the smiles off of their faces.

“Okay, Sassenach?” He asked softly.

“Mmmmm,” Claire hummed happily, making Jamie laugh. 

Claire’s body was still vibrating with her pleasure, a satisfied sigh escaping her as she looked at Jamie, whose eyes were intently watching her, a hint of cocky pride in his expression. 

“Not to inflate your ego any more than it already is,” Claire started, giving Jamie a cheeky smirk, “but that was the first time anyone has successfully brought me to orgasm in that way,” she shared, an embarrassed blush spreading across her cheeks. 

Jamie’s face quickly filled with incredulous rage, his eyes darkening with outrage on her behalf. “Are ye serious, Sassenach?”

“I am, unfortunately. Frank would “try,” Claire told him, putting air quotes around the word try, “but hot was never that interested in anything that wasn’t about his own satisfaction, and I would just fake it so we could get it over with,” Claire said, dispassionately.

“And the bastard couldna even tell that ye were no actually satisfied? Or he dinna care if ye really were?” Jamie was working himself up into a fit of righteous anger on her behalf, his accent growing increasingly more pronounced the angrier he got. Claire didn’t want to find his outrage sexy, but given that it was in defense of her and his utter inability to understand how someone could leave her unfulfilled, she couldn’t help it.

Claire placed her hand on his chest, right over his heart, letting her touch and the warmth of her palm bring him back to himself, to remind him that she was there with him, and was no one else’s but his. “I didn’t realize at the time that I deserved more, that I deserved better,” Claire said, her eyes struggling to make contact with his. “But I know better now, and you have made it abundantly clear that you are intent on making me pass out from pleasure, and I am more than willing to let you.”

Jamie tilted Claire’s chin so he could look her in the eye, a subtle way of reminding her that he wanted to see her emotions, all of them. That she didn’t need to hide from him. When their eyes connected, he saw sorrow mixed with hope, and he swore to himself that he would never let himself be the reason such sorrow etched her face. He leaned in to kiss her, to promise her that he would, always, put her first. There was no option to do otherwise, as it would be contrary to everything he knew and understood about the world and his responsibilities. She was his to protect, to love, to worship.

Claire felt something shift between them as Jamie kissed her, his lips plundering hers with unrestrained need. Every kiss they shared was revelation, relief, but there was a vulnerability, a lack of restraint now that Claire could not deny the potency or meaning of it she tried. Without him saying a word, she understood that he was hers, irrevocably, and he would do anything in his power to keep her. The enormity of it sent a shudder through Claire as she recognized that it was the same for her. She was his no matter what. 

Jamie had shifted them so Claire was now lying flush on top of him, her mouth moving to attach itself to his neck. She could feel him hard and straining against her abdomen, and couldn’t help but grind herself against him, her own want equally as fervent and needing to be slaked. When they both groaned loudly at the same time, they couldn’t help but laugh, Jamie flipping them over to lavish attention on Claire’s breasts. When she could take no more, she grabbed Jamie’s face and gave him what she hoped was a sultry look.

“I want you inside of me,” she said, not wanting to mince words. “Please.”

Jamie’s eyes widened at her clear request before darkening with uninhibited desire. He stared at her for a long moment, eyes taking in all of the emotions on her face, seeing nothing but his own clear want mirrored on her face. There was no fear, no doubt. Just certainty in what she needed.

“Well, since ye asked sae nicely, Sassenach,” he cheeked, kissing her deeply before hurriedly leaving the bed to find a condom in his bag. 

“Prepared, are you?” Claire smirked when he came back to the bed, foil packet in hand. She took it from him and opened it.

“What can I say, lass, I like tae be ready. I would hate tae leave ye wanting,” Jamie gasped out the last few words as Claire rolled the condom onto him, barely able to control himself with her hands wrapped around him. 

Claire pulled him down, kissing him ferociously, needing him closer, moaning when she felt one of his fingers enter her, checking her readiness for him, stroking her slowly. 

“Now, Jamie,” she moaned with barely contained desperation. “I need you now.”

Jamie looked into her eyes and held them, searching for any trace of hesitation. Seeing none, he lined them up and with an agonizing slowness, entered her.

Claire clenched Jamie’s biceps as he filled her, her eyes never leaving his, watching as wonder and want overtook his features as they bridged the last unexplored connection between them. When he was fully seated, he stilled.

“Okay?” He rasped, his voice deep with need.

Claire smiled and nodded. “More than okay. Now move.” 

And before he had a chance to, Claire ground her hips against his, eliciting a low growl from deep within his chest. They moved slowly at first, learning each other, Claire’s legs wrapping firmly around his waist as Jamie set their pace. Claire could think of nothing but him, absorbed fully in how his body moved within hers, how he deliciously filled and stretched her, leaving her breathless and feral for more. 

Jamie was incapable of anything but fixating on the way in which Claire’s wet heat surrounded him, spurred him on in a way that left him feeling feverish with the need and utterly speechless. He relished each whimper, each sob of need, each whine for more that escaped Claire’s lips, and returned them with his own groans and grunts of delirious hunger. 

When a desperate plea of “harder,” reached his ears, Jamie followed orders, increasing his pace, all while Claire’s body met him thrust for thrust. Knowing he was close, he reached between them and began to stroke her, his fingers swiftly causing her entire body to clench around him, her head thrown back as her release overtook her body. 

Claire knew the moment Jamie’s fingers touched her she had mere moments before she would be consumed by a level of satisfaction she would have never imagined possible until she met Jamie. A silent scream left her body the moment it happened, her breath gone from her body, waves of indescribable pleasure pulsing through every last nerve ending. One of her arms was hooked tightly around his neck, her face buried in the crook of his neck, her teeth sinking into his flesh. She was vaguely aware of his own hoarse shout of release, his body tensing and then shuddering as his own pleasure devoured him. 

The sight of Claire giving into her own desire was all Jamie needed to give into his own spiraling passion. He could not hold back from shouting incoherently as his body surrendered to hers, the ecstasy reaching the very marrow of his bones. Spent, his body collapsed onto Claire’s, rolling them onto their sides so he could more firmly wrap his arms around her as their bodies came back to earth, now with the knowledge that what was between them was ineffable, unyielding. 

The present moment came back to Claire in bits and pieces. Jamie’s hand running up and down her spine. The hum of Gaelic words being whispered into her ear. Her once overheated, sweaty body now cooling, sending a shiver up her spine. When she finally mustered enough energy, she opened her eyes and was immediately greeted by Jamie’s staring back at her with so much love that it threatened to overwhelm her. 

Claire didn’t know what to say to him, no words feeling sufficient enough to express how much she loved him. Her fingers traced across his jawline, and he caught her hand, kissing her palm softly before he threaded their fingers together and gave her hand a firm squeeze.

“I love you, Claire,” he said, his voice clear and certain.  

In the weeks since they first exchanged “I love yous,” Claire felt a giddy surge every time either of them said it. It was new and novel, still tentative on their lips but sincere in their utterances. But now, Claire marveled at its simplicity to convey the broad, vast expanse of emotions surging through her. 

“I love you, too,” Claire returned, her voice heavy with emotion and tears welling in her eyes. 

They shared a gentle kiss before Jamie tentatively extracted himself from her arms to clean himself up in the bathroom, promising to be back before she knew it. 

The sun was now shining brightly, the day fully underway as Claire could hear the distant sounds of birds chirping and cars driving. She stretched her body languidly, searching for any lingering jolts of pleasure she could find. As promised, Jamie was back in her arms before she knew it, wrapping them tightly together under the duvet, shielding them from anything but the current moment of shared joy between them. They both drifted off into contented sleeps, Claire’s head nestled over Jamie’s heart, which beat in time with her own. 

—

Claire stirred awake a couple of hours later, still buried deep beneath the covers but no longer in Jamie’s arms. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, looking around the room for him, confused as to where he could have possibly snuck off to. Just as she was reaching for her phone to text him, she heard the door open and Jamie walked in looking deliciously windswept, carrying a takeaway paper bag and a drink carrier holding two large coffee cups. 

“Out on an adventure, were you?” Claire asked, pushing herself to sit up. 

“Aye,” Jamie grinned. “I figured we would need some sustenance, and while room service is fine, I ken this great breakfast place just down the road.” Jamie set the food down on the coffee table and kicked off his shoes, before walking over to the bed to kiss Claire thoroughly. 

Claire tugged at him, pulling him down to the bed, where he landed with an ungraceful thud, causing both of them to burst out laughing. 

“Come have breakfast, Sassenach, and then I promise ye can have yer way with me again,” Jamie gave her a heated, but all too short kiss before jumping out of bed over her whimpers of protest. 

Claire begrudgingly got out of bed, searching around for some clothes to put on. She pulled one of Jamie’s soft long sleeve shirts over her head, well aware that her curls were past the point of chaos to full lawlessness. Once she located her sweatpants, she made her way over to the love seat and curled her feet underneath her as Jamie laid out their breakfast spread. 

“Here ye are, Sassenach,” Jamie said, handing her one of the coffee cups. “An extra hot latte tae warm ye up. And for breakfast, we have a breakfast roll with bacon, hash browns, and poached eggs, as well as banana and biscoff french toast. I figured we could share.”

“Mmm, thank you. It all looks delicious,” Claire said happily as she took her first sip of coffee. 

—

Eating breakfast took longer than Jamie expected, mostly because neither he nor Claire could seem to keep their hands and lips off of one another. Whether it was Claire’s hand resting on his leg, her fingers teasingly stroking his inner thigh, or his own lips not just wanting but needing to attach themselves to that spot just behind her ear for a wee nibble, they were overcome with the need to remain physically attached. Not that either of them were complaining. 

When they finished eating, they ended up tangled together on the couch, lazily making out between fits of giggles due to the happiness that neither of them could contain. Eventually, Claire found herself stretched on top of Jamie, her head laying on his chest just below his chin while his hand drew small circles on her back, sending little sparks of desire through her. Unfortunately, Jamie had a different idea of how they should spend the next few hours. 

“But I don’t want to study,” Claire pouted. “I’m so tired of studying. Why are you making me do it?”

A vibration of laughter rumbled in Jamie’s chest. She sounded like a petulant child, and despite himself, he found it impossibly cute. 

“I ken, Sassenach. But ye are sae close tae sitting yer exams, and it’s just for a few hours. Besides, I ken ye will feel guilty later if ye dinna make time for it, and I want ye tae have a clear conscience when I take ye tae bed later.”

“And you think the way to get me into bed is to mandate that I study?” Claire said, a hint of lighthearted exasperation in her tone. 

“Aye. Because it is important tae ye, and ye have worked sae hard to get tae this point. Plus, ye made me promise that ye would have time tae study today, and I keep my promises,” Jamie reminded her, kissing the top of her head.

“Fine,” Claire huffed. “And just what will you be doing while I suffer?”

“I thought I would go tae the gym for a bit, mebbe take a swim too,” Jamie shared. “I promise I willna do anything fun without ye.”

“You better not. Otherwise I am going to have to come up with an appropriate punishment,” Claire teased, giving her hips just the slightest wiggle against his. 

Jamie’s hands moved to her arse, holding her still to prevent any further mischief.

“Hmm, mebbe I should do something fun. I am verra curious about what this punishment might be,” his voice suddenly heavy and laden with desire. 

Claire gave a playful smack on the chest before pushing herself up, pulling him with her. 

“Fine. I will study for two hours and then we can enjoy the rest of the day. But I will be expecting a reward when I am done,” Claire added, kissing him hotly, trying to see if she could tempt him into a little fun before she was forced to step outside of this little haven of bliss for a few hours. 

Jamie groaned as Claire’s tongue met his, his resolve wavering. But the sooner she got to it, the sooner she would be his and his alone for the rest of the day, so mustering every ounce of will he could find, he pulled back. 

Claire whimpered but stood up, reaching her hand down to help him up as well. They both got ready, Claire changing her clothes and grabbing her school backpack, while Jamie got dressed for the gym.

When they were both ready, they left the room together, Claire planning to commandeer a corner of the hotel’s library, and Jamie headed to the gym. With a parting kiss that promised so much more to come later, they separated, hoping the next couple of hours would pass quickly. 

Chapter Text

Despite her earlier resistance, Claire was glad that she (well, Jamie) had forced herself to study. The closer her final exams got, the more nervous she grew, despite the fact that she was doing well on her practice exams. Years of hard work hinging on a series of tests was maddening, but she was so close to realizing her dream and she wouldn’t let anything get in her way (no matter how handsome he was). She returned to their room nearly three hours later, satisfied with her progress and more than ready to refocus all of her attention on Jamie for the rest of the weekend.

Claire returned to their room to find Jamie walking out of the bathroom, fresh out of the shower, towel around his waist, beads of water sliding down the hard planes of his stomach. Claire licked her lips at the sight of him, her body swelling with urgent need. Before Jamie had a chance to say anything past “hello,” Claire had quickly dropped her bag by the door and pushed him against the wall to kiss the breath out of him.

Jamie staggered in surprise before enthusiastically returning her kisses with aggressive ones of his own. It was the worst three hours of his life, being separated but knowing what pleasure awaited him. He spent much of the last several hours trying and failing to keep images of Claire - her neck arched back in ecstasy, her luscious curves beneath his fingers, the way she gripped his biceps - from interfering with his workout. So her eager, demanding kisses were especially gratifying as they suggested that she was equally tortured by their time apart.

Claire wasted little time removing the towel from Jamie’s waist, her hand immediately encircling him, teasing him while he kissed down the column of her neck. Claire was feeling wonderfully frantic, the acute ache in her body for him taking control of her actions. She stepped back and pulled her sweater over her head, and before she could get to the zipper of her jeans, Jamie picked her up and carried her over to the bed. He laid her down, his hands moving to undo her jeans, which he then pulled off quickly, leaving her in her bra and underwear.

Claire whimpered as his fingers lightly grazed her over her underwear and then upward across her stomach and over her chest. He had her bra off moments later and his mouth replaced his fingers. Claire was so turned by the ministrations of his mouth alone that she couldn’t stop herself from reaching down beneath her underwear to stroke herself while his lips, tongue, and teeth did filthy things to her breasts. A feral growl escaped Jamie when he realized what she was doing, causing him to double his efforts. Between his mouth and her fingers, Claire’s release was white-hot and hard, her hips bucking up against Jamie of their own accord.

Jamie softly nibbled on Claire’s collarbone and neck while she recovered, his own body heavy, hard, and ready to be inside of her again. He reached for a condom on the nightstand and prepared himself quickly, Claire stirring next to him. She had removed her underwear and was looking at him like she planned to devour him, which Jamie thought would be an acceptable way to die.

Claire kissed him while she pushed him flat on his back and straddled him, her wet center teasingly settling on his lower abdomen while she raked her nails up and down his chest.

“Is this okay?” Claire asked, as she repositioned herself to take his length into her.

“Ye have no idea how okay it is,” Jamie whimpered as his hands settled on her hips.

Claire sunk down, gasping at how it felt as he filled her deeper in this position. “Oh, God,” she moaned as she started to ride him, slowly at first but with increasing speed as she adjusted to the position.

All Jamie could think about as Claire rode him was that she was a goddess and he would forever worship at her altar. The image of her atop of him, eyes closed and head thrown back, unabashedly relishing the power she held over him, unashamedly chasing her own needs, sent a fierce wave of possessiveness through him. She was his alone to see like this, his alone to satiate every desire and every need she had.

Claire choked out a sob when Jamie began bucking his hips up even harder, an impish smirk on his face. The force of their movements left them both panting and grasping at the other, Claire’s nails digging into Jamie’s chest while his fingers were clutching her hips so hard they were sure to leave bruises. They came together, both giving hoarse shouts as their bodies were wracked with unrelenting throes of pleasure.

Claire collapsed on top of Jamie, her entire body shaking and spent. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced, getting to be so brazen, so demanding of her lover, and knowing he was equally invested in her experience, if more so than his own, turned her on in ways she never expected. She had seen the look of reverence on his face as she moved against him. The pride in his eyes as she brought them both over the edge. She never knew what it meant to be cherished in a relationship, but every moment with Jamie was teaching her that she was worthy of more than she once believed.

“Ye damn near killed me, Sassenach,” Jamie muttered happily once he recovered his ability to speak. “Not that I’m complaining, mind ye,” he kissed her forehead, smiling when Claire snorted.

“Consider that your punishment for making me study,” Claire replied.

“Och, I will need tae start looking for more reasons tae get punished then,” Jamie sassed, yelping when Claire pinched his side.

—
They snuggled for a bit longer in bed before Jamie dragged them both to the shower, insisting that he needed another one before they went to dinner. Claire was more than happy to have him join her, and while they successfully managed to just shower, it was not for a lack of trying on Claire’s part. They had a dinner reservation, Jamie insisted, and there would be plenty of time to play afterwards.

As she got ready, Claire couldn’t keep the grin from her face. She needed this weekend. They needed this weekend. Of course they would have to go back to reality tomorrow, one where they were both stressed and busy and not always able to spend as much time together as they wanted. But they would be bringing home a new reality, as well. One that Claire was both excited and nervous about exploring further. She was falling deeper in love with him everyday, which she never would have believed possible given how much she already loved him. Maybe it was that she was finally willing to stop hiding her feelings from herself and accept that what was between them, their relationship was serious. As serious as they come. And that meant they would be making a lot of big, hard decisions soon - about what their future together looked like - and Claire didn’t know what would happen if they couldn’t make it work.

“One day at a time,” Claire whispered to herself before taking one last look in the mirror. Tonight was about her and Jamie, nothing else, and any worries about the future could wait.

She walked out of the bathroom to find Jamie sitting on the love seat, scrolling on his phone, dressed and ready to go. He was wearing perfectly fitted gray trousers with a crisp, white button-down shirt with the first few buttons undone. Draped over the armrest of the sofa was his matching gray suit coat, which Claire did not doubt was also perfectly tailored. He had complained earlier about the restaurant's dress code requiring suit jackets, but from Claire’s perspective, there was nothing to complain about. He looked hot.

“Ahem,” Claire said, by way of getting his attention.

Jamie looked up, his eyes going wide at the sight of her. She was wearing a form fitting black cocktail dress that hit just at her knees, with long sleeves and a neckline that went straight across her collar bones. It hugged her perfectly, his hands twitching and desperate to trace the line of every one of her curves. She looked hot.

“Ye looking stunning, Sassenach,” Jamie said as he got up, kissing her lightly and wrapping his arms around her. He gasped when he felt her exposed back, which caused Claire to giggle.

Seeing the smirk on her face, Jamie stepped back and demanded that she turn around. Claire smiled sexily as she did so, showing him that her entire back was exposed down to her waist in a way he found particularly alluring. Between the amount of exposed skin and the way the dress exquisitely hugged her arse, Jamie was ready to cancel dinner and take her straight to bed. But he also had some concerns.

“Well?” Claire asked after a few moments of silence. She could not see his face, so it was hard to tell what he was thinking.

“Are ye mad, woman?” He sputtered out, immediately regretting his choice of words. The sight of her was just so arousing and he wasn’t thinking straight.

Claire spun around, an annoyed, questioning look on her face, which he thought was fair. He scrambled to explain himself.

“It’s just, weel, ye canna mean tae go out in public like that?” Based on how Claire’s nostrils flared, that was also the wrong thing to say, he realized.

“I certainly do. Just what is your objection?”

“Just look at ye!” Jamie exclaimed. “Ye look so fucking hot that everyone in the restaurant is going to be ogling ye, and ye are only mine tae ogle,” Jamie huffed, aware that he was being completely ridiculous but struggling to tamp down this base feeling of possessiveness.

Jamie’s sudden outburst of prudishness on her behalf was surprising, but Claire couldn’t help but find it attractive. She was obviously not going to let him dictate what she wore, but seeing him all flustered and worked up over how attractive he found her was empowering. She placed a hand firmly on his chest, which he automatically covered with one of his own.

“If other people are looking at me, I will not notice them because I will only be looking at you. And based on your reaction to this dress, I trust your eyes won’t be straying far from me either. You’ll be the only one seeing me out of this dress, and the only one I want to see me out of it,” she kissed him softly.

“Ye’re right, Sassenach. I apologize for being an idiot. Ye look beautiful and I am sae proud that ye will be the one on my arm tonight,” Jamie whispered against her lips.

“Good. Now let’s go eat.”

—
Much to Jamie’s delight, they were seated in a secluded corner of the restaurant in a half-circle style booth, which meant that he got to sit next to Claire. His hand was able to easily find the open skin on her back, his fingers slowly moving up and down her spine, her skin covered in gooseflesh, as they waited for their wine to be served. The hotel’s restaurant was the fanciest either of them had ever been to, and thanks to Louise, they would be treated to the seven course tasting menu, with wine pairings for each course. It felt like the height of luxury to Jamie - seated in a beautiful restaurant with the promise of good food and drink to come, the love of his life running small circles over his kneecap. They were so far removed from their normal life of simplicity, but getting to experience such decadence, if only for a few days, was fun with Claire at his side.

Throughout the meal, the energy between them crackled and intensified. Underneath the table, Claire had hooked her leg over the top of Jamie’s to ensure they never stopped touching, even while they ate, which allowed Jamie to run his hand just under the hem of her dress while they waited in between courses. Claire’s eyes sparkled coquettishly and Jamie’s eyes burned with anticipation. And as much as they both wanted to return to their room and ravish each other, there was something addicting about having to wait, about seeing how else they could escalate the other’s desire, to see if one of them would crack first and demand to go back to their room.

When Claire leaned over and whispered seductively into Jamie’s ear about what she planned to do with him when dinner was done, her teeth gently biting his earlobe, Jamie was pretty sure he might self-combust before the last course was served.

“Ye ken, Sassenach, when I first met ye, I never would have thought ye tae be such a bawdy woman. The mouth on ye is quite filthy,” Jamie purred into her ear.

Claire grinned. “I don’t know what to say. I contain multitudes and it turns out when I met you, I discovered one of my multitudes is a penchant for dirty talk when you are involved. I can stop if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Are ye kidding, Sassenach? Tis one of the things I love most about ye, even if it does make me blush and turn redder than a tomato. I like that ye feel sae comfortable with me that ye can say such things,” he said, grabbing her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You make me feel confident. Powerful even,” Claire replied, looking a bit shy at her confession.

“That’s because ye are. I am completely under yer power, Claire. And happy tae be there,” Jamie told her, which resulted in her leaning in to kiss him.

Their kiss was broken apart by their waiter delivering their final course, a decadent honey and pistachio souffle with fig sauce for each of them. Claire’s groan of delight at her first bite was Jamie’s breaking point.

“Ye better eat that quickly, Sassenach,” he commanded. “I will be escorting ye back tae our room in five minutes.”

Claire looked at him, ready to laugh at his serious tone, but the look of raw, scorching hunger on his face had her quickly turning back to her dessert, knowing that he meant business.

Despite the dinner being covered by Louise for them, Jamie left their waiter a generous tip. The poor lad had witnessed a lot of groping, canoodling, and flirting, and was never flustered or rude despite their borderline inappropriate behavior. With Claire’s hand in his, Jamie moved them swiftly to the elevator.

The wait for the elevator was tortuous, even if it was probably less than a minute. Thankfully they were the only two going up, allowing Jamie to press Claire firmly against the elevator’s wall and himself to her, his lips and tongue greedily attaching themselves to her neck. Claire let out a happy sigh and tilted her neck to give him more access, her hands pulling his hips even tighter against her own.

When the elevator doors opened, Jamie groaned in frustration, even though it meant that they were just steps away from their room and their bed. Instead of fumbling to get their room key out, Jamie pushed Claire up against their door, continuing his efforts to thoroughly ravage her. His mouth was on her’s, kissing her as though he was starved. Only when Claire reached for his belt did he have enough awareness to pull back and get them into their room.

Claire gave Jamie a heated stare once he had locked and bolted the door behind them. She kicked off her shoes before she walked back over to him and pulled him to her by the waist of his pants. They were both delirious with need, intent on getting to mutual satisfaction as quickly as possible. Claire had Jamie’s pants off in record time, her hand wrapping around him as he rapidly threw off his jacket and began unbuttoning his shirt. He nearly fainted when Claire dropped to her knees and took him in her mouth, her teeth and tongue sending him spiraling. He had enough control left to stop her before he passed the point of no return, desperately needing to be inside of her and to see to her pleasure first. Claire got the message, and stood up and walked to their bed, her hips swaying lusciously.

Jamie chased after her, his hands grabbing her waist and spinning her around so he could lay her down on the bed. Once he did, he moved to pull her dress down over her shoulders, exposing her from the waist up, his hands eagerly cupping her breasts before his mouth descended upon them. Claire was impatient, though, and worked to completely remove her dress while he kept his focus on her chest. Jamie groaned when he saw Claire bare before him, save for a lacy black thong that he was not above ripping off of her. But before he had the chance, her long legs were wrapped around him, her body arching into his.

“Jamie,” she panted as his teeth sunk into the side of her neck. “I need you now, please,” she pleaded, not caring how desperate she sounded.

Jamie swiftly readied himself and repositioned Claire on the bed, pulling her thong off, letting his fingers graze her core as he did. As he moved over her, ready to enter her, he took a moment to take in her beauty. She was flush and panting beneath him, her amber eyes glazed over, a look of insatiable need on her face.

He must have paused longer than he realized because Claire’s hand suddenly grabbed his chin to look into his eyes. “Do it now and don’t be gentle,” she ordered. Jamie needed no further instruction.

As Jamie entered her with a hard, assertive thrust, all of the breath left Claire’s body. The feel of him moving with such power, such force was intoxicating, even more so when he suddenly grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head, his eyes connecting with her own to confirm that she was okay with such restraint. Claire gave him a quick nod before wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. She met him thrust for thrust, reveling in the heady sensations only he was able to draw out of her. When he released her hands, she grabbed his arse, urging him to go even harder and deeper. It didn’t take long before she felt the intense coiling heat inside of her rupture, seeing stars as she gasped and sputtered, holding Jamie tight to her.

Her release brought his own, unable to withstand her body clenching around him nor the way called his name when she came. He was dizzy from the force of his surrender, the room spinning around him as he lost all sense of who or where he was. All he understood was that his body and soul were made for Claire and Claire alone.

—
They settled comfortably into bed together, Claire taking it upon herself to slowly trace every line of Jamie’s body with her fingertips. She wanted to memorize him. Wanted no inch of him to be unfamiliar to her touch. Wanted every crevice of him to feel the lingering burn of her touch, like his touch did to her.

Jamie watched Claire with an amused expression on his face. She was so focused, her brow scrunched in concentration as she skimmed her fingers along the inside of his wrist up to the crook of his elbow.

“I never asked what this scar is from,” Claire said, placing a kiss on the jagged scar on his forearm.

“Ach, tis from when I was a lad. I was running around the farm and thought it would be a good idea to jump off of a tree branch tae the ground. It wasna too high, but my arm caught on one of the other branches and cut me clean open. Had tae get fifteen stitches and an earful from my da about needing tae be more careful,” Jamie shared with fondness.

Claire laughed lightly. “I’m guessing a young boy like yourself, with free rein of a farm, got quite a few earfuls from your dad.”

“Oh aye. Especially when it was Ian and I together. We loved tae see what we could get away with, and we almost always got caught,” a laugh rumbled through Jamie. “But my da was great. He knew we were energetic young lads and we needed some adventure. If we could do it at the farm where he could keep an eye on us, he was willing tae let us cause some mischief.”

Claire laid her head on Jamie’s shoulder, her arm draped over his waist. “I wish I could have meet him. He sounds like such a great dad. And based on everything you’ve shared about him, he obviously loved you so much.”

Jamie enveloped his arms around her, a sigh escaping him. “I wish ye could have met him too, Sassenach. He would have loved ye and yer fiery spirit.”

Claire felt Jamie kiss the top of her head, before he grew quiet, no doubt lost in memories of his dad. She left him to his thoughts, her body growing heavy with a satisfied tiredness that she could no longer fend off. Especially not with Jamie’s warm surrounding her, lulling her brain and body into a state of utter relaxation.

Jamie smiled when he heard Claire’s gentle snores and felt her body relax against him as it only did when she was sleeping. Was it just that morning that they had fully surrendered their bodies to the other? Just this morning when he realized that he did not even understand his own depth of love for her and want of her until he saw her fall fully apart around him? It sounded hyperbolic to say that his entire world was changed today, but it was the truth. As his own body slowly succumbed to sleep, he found himself whispering in Gaelic a prayer of love and protection over her, words he hoped her dreams would understand the truth of.

Chapter Text

Claire sighed as she laid awake and let her body calm down. She had a stressful dream that jostled her awake, and while she couldn’t exactly remember what it was about, she did remember Frank’s sneering face and goading taunts, all aimed at her. Before her panic attack on Valentine’s Day, she had long stopped having dreams about Frank (as they were mostly replaced by heated dreams of Jamie), but ever since then, he once again had become a regular subject of her dreaming subconscious. The dreams were rarely coherent, just Frank being vile in various forms, always resulting in her waking with a start, panicked until she remembered she was safe in Jamie’s arms. Her therapist encouraged her to write down anything she could remember about the dreams right after Claire had them and bring the notes to her therapy sessions to explore more. Claire thought it a bit silly, thinking that the dreams were obvious stress dreams about her time with Frank, triggered by the panic attack, but she trusted her therapist and dutifully grabbed her phone to jot the few things she remembered into her notes app.

That done, Claire set her phone aside and stretched her body in an attempt to relax it further. She was deliciously sore, she realized. It wasn’t that surprising, given how long it had been since she last had sex and how enthusiastic both she and Jamie were about it. She glanced at his sleeping form, unable to keep the smile from her face. As much as she longed to wake him, to pull his body into hers again, she decided to let him sleep, at least for now. But she could tell that it might be awhile before her body would calm down enough to fall back asleep, so, as quietly as she could, she slid out of bed and headed to the bathroom to take advantage of the magnificent bathtub. 

The hotel provided all sorts of bath enhancements - oils, salts, bubbles, and more - and Claire delighted in drawing the most luxurious bath she could imagine. When she sank into the deep, perfectly hot water, a contented groan escaped her and echoed around the bathroom. Between the music playing quietly on her phone and the soft, dim lights in the bathroom, Claire found that she was in no hurry to make it back to bed. Especially when she spied her stunning, hunk of a Scot out of the corner of her eye, leaning against the bathroom’s door frame, completely naked. 

“Everything okay, Sassenach? It’s nearly two in the morning,” his groggy voice inquired. 

“I’m okay. Did I wake you?” Claire asked as he made his way over to the tub. She noticed he set a small pouch on the ledge right beside the tub, but was too distracted by his approaching form to inquire further about what it was.

“I find that I dinna sleep well when ye are not beside me,” Jamie replied, sitting on the edge of the tub and lightly stroking his fingers across her cheek. 

Claire gave him a soft smile, completely understanding what he meant. She slept poorly without him too. 

“Join me?” She asked, quirking her eyebrow and giving him a smirk. 

“Thought ye would never ask,” Jamie said as he slid in right behind her, his legs bracketing hers and his arms pulling her back against his chest. Claire melted into him, pretty sure that this was a moment she would forever recall as perfect. 

After a few minutes of serene silence between them, Jamie dropped a kiss on Claire’s shoulder before asking her if she had another dream. Of course he knew. More than once, when Claire startled awake, dread and anxiety pulsing through her from a dream, Jamie woke too, obviously sensing her distress. He would hold her tightly, rocking her slowly while he whispered words of comfort to her. He never asked about the details, but Claire would sometimes share, finding that saying it outloud helped give the fear from the dream less power over her. 

Claire nodded in response to his question, not really in the mood to talk about it more. Jamie seemed to understand that. 

“I love ye, Sassenach,” he said, his own gentle way of saying she was safe, he was there, it would be okay. 

“I love you, too,” she whispered, twisting herself in his arms so her lips could find his. 

Between the steam and heat of the bath, and their own fire blazing between them, things escalated quickly into Claire wrapping her legs around Jamie’s waist, sitting on top of him while his kisses cascaded down her neck to the tops of her shoulders and back to her lips. She could feel him hard and ready beneath her, and when her nails lightly scratched across his shoulders and back, his impatience reared in the form of him picking her up out of the tub.

“What on earth are you doing?” Claire panted as he placed her on the floor, water dripping everywhere. 

“The tub may fit us both, Sassenach, but I need a wee bit more space tae serve ye suitably,” he replied while he pulled a wide, white porcelain bench that was against the bathroom wall over to them. He then grabbed a few clean bathroom towels, which were super soft and fluffy, and draped them over the bench. 

Claire watched him, bemused. “We could just go back to our bed, you know.”

“We are both wet and I don’t think either of us wants tae wait tae dry off or sleep on wet sheets. Now stop talking logistics and come here,” Jamie motioned as he sat down on the bench. 

“You ridiculous man,” Claire teased, but nonetheless walked over to the bench and happily straddled him. 

Unlike the fiery, urgent kisses they exchanged in the tub, their kisses now were slow and probing, with the same heat but less of the fervent urgency. When Claire shifted to take him, Jamie stopped her, holding her hips tightly to prevent her from moving down any further on him. 

“I need a condom, Sassenach,” he breathed, starting to stand up.

Claire tightened her arms’ hold around his neck and ran her nose along his and whispered against his lips, “I should have mentioned earlier but I have a coil, and I was tested in August.”

Jamie closed his eyes and sighed happily before he replied. “It’s been over a year since I was tested, Sassenach. But I havena been with anyone except you since then. And I would never do anything tae cause ye harm.”

“I know,” Claire said, her lips ghosting over his. “I trust you, Jamie.”

Jamie’s grip on Claire’s hips loosened, and she sank down on him slowly, both of them gasping at the intensity of feeling at this joining. Fully seated, Claire stilled, letting a few moments pass before her hips began to move unhurriedly. She intended to take her time, to savor him. 

Unlike the rest of the weekend, which was filled with lovemaking that was fevered and demanding, this coupling was deliberate and measured. Neither of them made any attempt to speed up their pace, absorbed instead in the agonizing, exquisite sensations their bodies could only make together. The only sound in the room was their heavy breathing and the soft sounds of their bodies slapping together. They stared into each other’s eyes, small, shy smiles on their faces at their shared understanding; there were no words for this depth, this intensity of feeling that existed between them.

Only in the final few moments did the speed of Claire’s hips hasten with Jamie’s hands helping her to more forcefully ride him, encouraging to take all that she needed from him. When she finally slumped against him with a gasp of pleasure and her body shaking from the strength of her release, did Jamie allow himself the same. A choked sound escaped him as he spilled himself into her, causing her to gasp again, surprised and pleased by the warmth filling her.

Jamie held Claire close as they remained seated on the bench together, their hearts rapidly beating against the other’s. With Claire’s head still resting on his shoulder, Jamie reached over to the ledge of the tub, attempting not to jostle her too much. He grabbed the small velvet pouch he placed there earlier and tried to open it with one hand while the other rested firmly on Claire’s back.

“What are you doing?” Claire muttered happily, her breath tickling his neck.

“I have something for ye, Sassenach,” he told her.

Claire eased back to look at him. His voice sounded nervous, and his face, which usually was damn near inscrutable, was open, the love and vulnerability she felt reflected back to her. 

Jamie pulled open the pouch and took out a strand of stunning pearls. He draped them over Claire’s head, letting them settle around her neck before untucking her hair from them. Claire looked down, the strand was long and hung between her breasts, and then looked back up at Jamie, a look of shock on her face. 

“They’re Scotch pearls. They belonged to my mother and were left tae me when she passed. They are one of the few things I have left of her, and they are sae precious tae me. As are ye, Claire. Which is why I want ye tae have them,” he said, gently pushing an errant curl off of her forehead before placing a kiss on her brow. 

“Jamie,” Claire breathed, a tear rolling down her cheek. Jamie kissed the tear away and then let his lips brush over hers, “Ye mean everything tae me, Claire.”

Claire kissed him hard, trying her damndest to convey how much he meant to her too.

—

A lazy Sunday morning in bed was the perfect way to end their weekend. They made love greedily, knowing once they returned home, there would be less time and less opportunity, especially until Claire’s exams were over. They ate breakfast in bed while naked, enjoying their room service pancakes in between letting their wandering hands suggestively tantalize each other. And they made love again, finding some creative ways to use up the rest of the raspberry sauce that came with Jamie’s pancakes.

All too quickly, it was time to leave, and Jamie was heartbroken at the forlorn look on Claire’s face as she packed the last of her things into her bag. 

“Come here, Sassenach,” Jamie said as he gently turned Claire to face him, nestling her into his arms.

“I ken ye’re sad and dinna wanna go back home yet, but just think about how happy wee Adso will be tae see ye. I bet he willna even look at me before running straight tae ye for all of the cuddles he missed this weekend,” Jamie bemoaned, causing her to laugh. 

“Aye, there’s my favorite sound,” Jamie said with a kiss to the top of her head. 

“I know I should just be grateful that we had this time together,” Claire sighed against his chest, “But I’m greedy and spending time with you is way more fun than everything that I have to deal with over the next few weeks.”

“I like that ye’re greedy, Sassenach, because I am too when it comes tae ye. I don’t think either of us are going tae have the best few weeks, but how about this? When we get home, we will look at our calendars and pick out a few days tae go on vacation in May once yer exams are done and ye’ve recovered from how exhausted ye will be. We can go wherever. As long as there's a bed and ye, I will be content.”

“Mmm,” Claire hummed. “A perfect idea. It will give me something to look forward to.”

Jamie pulled back and tilted Claire’s chin up, allowing him to look directly into her eyes. He gave her a soft smile, one that she had come to know as just for her, and kissed her softly, his lips lingering on hers, not wanting the moment to end, not wanting to step away from her and go back to reality. 

Eventually, they found it within themselves to let go, each taking the time to look around the room one last time for anything they might have forgotten. With their bags in hand, they headed for the door, but not before Jamie picked up the large vase of roses that had been placed in their room at his request. 

“Jamie!” Claire scolded, scandalized that he would take the flowers without permission. “Those are the hotel’s! We can’t just take them with us.”

Jamie smiled. “Oh, but I can, Sassenach. I asked Louise if it would be okay, and she told me it was fine. She said, and I quote, “We have way too many of those hideous vases and I am happy to have one less of them”,” Jamie said with an impressive imitation of a French accent. 

Claire snorted and looked at the beautiful glass vase, confused as to how anyone could find it hideous. 

“Well then,” Claire shrugged, “I guess we are taking the roses home.”

—

It took a fair bit of wrangling to get the vase of flowers situated in Jamie’s truck, but they finally settled on belting them in between the two of them, thinking it was the best way to make sure they stayed safe during the ride home. 

They spent the last few minutes of the drive transitioning back to real life, discussing what chores they needed to do that afternoon and what each of them needed to get ready for tomorrow. Besides getting to see Adso, the other upside of their return home was the fact that Claire’s apartment would still be undergoing repairs for the next few weeks, so they would both be going home to Jamie’s apartment until then. 

Jamie was right. Despite being the first person that Adso saw, the cat didn’t bother to move out of his cozy blanket nook on the couch until he laid eyes on Claire, jumping up and meowing loudly as he made his way over to her. Jamie just lovingly rolled his eyes, taking their bags to his bedroom, while Claire sat down on the floor and pulled Adso into her lap, giving him all of the ear scritches his heart could handle. 

The rest of the afternoon passed in a flurry of grocery shopping, laundry, and Claire making some time to study, so when they both eventually fell into bed that night, it was with shared loud yawns. 

“Despite the fact that tomorrow is going to be awful,” Claire said, burrowing her face into her pillow, “it does feel good to be home.”

It wasn’t the first time Jamie heard Claire reference his apartment as “home,” but every time she did, he his hearted seized with joy and longing - joy at the idea of her feeling comfortable and safe here in his apartment; and longing at the thought of their future and the home that they would build together. 

“Aye,” Jamie agreed. “Though, as long as ye are sleeping by my side, I am at home.”

“Ugh,” Claire sighed. “How are you so good at saying such sweet things?”

Jamie kissed the tip of her nose, smiling. “I’m only just saying what’s on my heart, Sassenach, and my heart knows ye are its home.”

“Stoooooopp,” Claire moaned, rolling on top of him, her legs bracketing his hips, her face coming to hover just above his. 

“Do ye feel any differently, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, joy dancing in his eyes as he looked up at her. 

“Of course not,” she replied. “I’m just not good at saying it so clearly.”

“I dinna need ye tae say anything, lass. Yer actions tell me all I need tae ken,” Jamie whispered, stretching up to kiss her.

Claire flattened herself against Jamie, their tongues sliding heatedly together. Before long, Claire was tugging at the hem of Jamie’s shirt, which he swiftly removed as he flipped her over so she was on her back. He kissed the gap of flesh between her pajama shorts and top, slowly inching up her shirt bit by bit to kiss even more of her exposed skin. 

Once her shirt was fully off, he used his tongue and fingers judiciously on her breasts, Claire’s fingers tugging his hair all the while. And when his tongue eventually settled on her core, her tugging grew even more aggressive, which only made Jamie more enthusiastic about his task. Her hands left his head, and he glanced up to see her caressing her own breasts, her fingers fervently massaging and pulling on her nipples. The sight of it nearly ended him, and for a moment he stopped what he was doing just to watch her. When her head peaked up to look at him, he realized he needed to get back to work, and eagerly lapped her folds while sliding one, and then two fingers into her. Her hips bucked hard against his fingers and mouth, and it only took a few more strokes of each to wreck her, her hips arching high off the bed while her body shook with pleasure. 

Before he knew what was happening, Claire had recovered and was removing his pajama pants, her hands grasping him, teasing him. Jamie let out a starved growl at her touch, his hand covering her to stop her movements. 

“I willna last much longer if ye keep that up, Sassenach,” he gasped.

Claire smirked. “Well, we can’t have that, now can we?” 

They collapsed back into the mattress together, tongues tangling as Jamie shifted to be just a hair's breadth from entering her. “God, Sassenach. Does it ever stop? The wanting you?” He moaned as he eased into her, her arms automatically wrapping around his neck and her legs around his waist. 

“I don’t know, Jamie,” Claire sighed as hips slowly undulated, making sure she felt every single inch of him, hard and wanting, move within her. 

Jamie was taking his time, desperate to prolong the last vestiges of their perfect weekend. But Claire, his impatient wee thing, had other ideas, managing to flip them over so she could take control. It would forever thrill him that she was unafraid to assert herself with him like this. That she felt safe enough and was turned on enough by him to confidently take what she needed and bring him along for the ride. He let his hands stray from their firm grip on her hips to her arse, caressing and squeezing her while she found the rhythm that worked best for them both. And when she started to lose control, he took her hips again, whispering just the right amount of filth to send her over the edge with a strangled whimper. As her orgasm took her, he thrust hard up into her one more time, which was all he needed to join her in blissful oblivion. 

As they drifted off to sleep a little later on, Claire smiled when Jamie kissed the back of her head and then her shoulder, his arms wrapped around her from behind. For each of them, the next few months looked to be filled with obstacles, and there were so many unknowns about what their futures would look like. But Claire’s last thought before she fell to sleep was one of hope - no matter what came next, they would figure it out together, because after this weekend, they both knew that there was no other future than one that included them together, forever. 

Chapter Text

Since they returned from their weekend away, Jamie was pretty sure that Claire had not slept more than two or three hours per night as she made the final push to be ready for her end of medical school exams. On the mornings she did not have to be at the hospital for work, he found her at the kitchen table, her books and note strewn everywhere while she paced back and forth reciting complicated medical jargon to herself. She would then dart quickly over to her notes to check that she was correct before starting the process again. He would kiss her good morning before placing a large cup of coffee in front of her, letting her keep focus. When he left for work, she would walk with him, her book bag bulging, her shoulders sagging under the weight of it. Her favorite library opened at the same time as the bookstore, so they walked hand-in-hand to the store, both savoring the few minutes of connection before Claire left Jamie with a lingering kiss and a tired smile before meeting Joe at the library. 

And when Jamie got home, he would make them dinner, which was the only other time of the day Claire fully disconnected from her studies to focus on him, on them. And then there was more studying before bed. Jamie would regularly find her passed out on the couch, a textbook or notebook wide open on her chest. He would kiss her forehead lightly before picking her up and carrying her to their bed, where she would sleepily kiss him goodnight before crashing. 

Jamie missed her terribly, even though he saw her everyday and slept with her in his arms each night. But they had come up with this plan together, knowing it would only be for a couple of weeks. Claire passing her exams was their priority, and he was doing all he could to help. He just wished he could get her to sleep more. Her exams started in two days and in five days they would be over, so they just had to make it through a few more days, and then they could breathe easier.

—

On the night before her first exam, Claire paced nervously around Jamie’s apartment, randomly tidying things while running through the content that tomorrow’s exam was focused on. Jamie was still at work, having to run an evening author event. He had tried hard to get someone else to cover it, but the ever insufferable Richard Brown told him in no uncertain terms that he would not look favorably on the store’s manager skipping a major event, no matter the circumstances. Jamie hadn’t shared much about work over the last few weeks, adamant that he was okay and her exams were more important, but Claire could sense that the situation was getting worse. She felt immensely guilty for not being a better, supportive partner, letting herself get too consumed by exam prep and not focused enough on what he was going through. Of all the things she was looking forward to once her exams were done, reconnecting with Jamie was at the top of her list. Well, right after sleep. 

Just as she was fluffing the throw pillows on the couch for the third time, Jamie walked through the door, exhaustion deeply set in his face and body language. He smiled when he saw her though, dropping his bag to the floor before walking over to her and pulling her into his arms. 

“Hi,” Claire said, placing a soft kiss on his lips. 

“Hi, Sassenach,” he replied, letting his forehead rest on hers. 

“Did ye eat dinner, lass?” Jamie asked, knowing the answer was no by the way her eyes suddenly shifted downward. 

“I was about to,” Claire mumbled. 

Jamie laughed. “Aye, I’m sure ye were. Come on then, let’s go see what we can cobble together. Ye need tae have a lot of energy and sustenance for tomorrow.” He grabbed her hand and tugged her with him to the kitchen. 

—

They managed some baked salmon with rice and roasted broccoli, which they both devoured. And once the dishes were done, Jamie managed to convince Claire that getting a good night of sleep was far more important at this point than any further studying. They settled into bed, each with a deep sigh of relief at the embrace of the soft mattress and fluffy pillows. Claire made sure to set several alarms for herself in the morning, and made Jamie do the same, wanting to be sure she was up with enough time to have breakfast and get to her exam location without rushing. She then curled herself against Jamie, her head resting on his chest while his arms held her close. 

“I’m nervous,” she whispered so softly he barely heard her. 

He already knew she was, had sensed it for weeks and saw it in her actions the last few days. It was hard for him to imagine what it was like, spending so many years committed to becoming a doctor, prioritizing your learning, your passion, above all else, only to have it come down to a final series of tests. As if she had not already proved her skills and ability over and over again in the classroom and with patients. 

“I ken, Sassenach,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “But ye are more than ready, I promise. Ye work harder than anyone, care more, and have already proven ye are more than capable of being the best doctor in any practice or hospital.”

Claire burrowed her cheek more firmly against him, grateful for his unwavering support, even if, at this moment, she was having a hard time believing it. What if she hadn’t studied the right things? What if she failed and had to resit her exams in the autumn? What if her results weren’t good enough to get her a job she loved but just one she tolerated?

Jamie could sense her spiraling, feeling her body fidget against his as her brain tried to convince her she was anything but ready. Not knowing what else to do, he nudged her so she was forced to look up at him, and before she had time to ask why he had done it, he kissed her intently. Claire responded enthusiastically, her arms winding around his neck, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, sending a rush of warmth through him. And when she gently bit his lower lip, he couldn’t help but shift Claire onto her back and deepen their kiss even more. 

It wasn’t just that they were starved for one another (that was their default state), but it was more that the few opportunities they had found time to be intimate over the last few weeks had been hurried couplings, physically satisfying but without the same intensity of emotional connection they experienced at the hotel. Claire longed for more time with him, to not have to rush through their lovemaking so she could study or they could sleep, needing the certainty provided by their emotional connection even more than their physical one. It was a realization she had in therapy last week, which she begrudgingly did not cancel, worrying that her therapist would judge her for deprioritizing her mental health at such a high stress time. 

But Claire was glad she had attended. She was able to talk through why she was so surprised that the emotional connection between them, specifically during sex, mattered so much to her. With the help of her therapist, Claire started to understand that she was, in simple language, emotionally starving. Frank had deprived her of emotional intimacy and manipulated her into thinking her need for more than a physical connection made her foolish and weak. So she, over time, had learned how to exist without emotional closeness now that she had it with Jamie, her brain was in the process of learning what it felt like to have such a powerful, meaningful connection available to her. And how to cope with the intensity of emotions that came with it. 

Tonight, she knew, they also did not have a lot of time. Jamie was right when he reminded her that sleep was the most important thing the night before a big exam. But so was some stress relief in the form of hot sex with your boyfriend, right? Jamie, unable to hide how ready he was for her, had slowed their kisses down, no doubt wanting to follow her lead if she wanted to do anything more than makeout tonight. Claire put her hand on his chest, the thrum of his heart rapid against her palm. He looked at her, curiosity and desire reflected in his eyes. 

“I don’t know if I’ve said thank you enough to you these last few weeks,” Claire started. “I imagine I have been a nightmare to live with - barely home, leaving stacks of notes and books everywhere, tired and moody…” Jamie opened his mouth to interrupt her, but she shook her head, needing to finish before he chimed in. “I can’t say how much it has meant to me that you have been patient and encouraging without me needing to ask for it. You have kept me fed and did all you could to make sure I could focus on studying. I just, well, I hope I haven’t taken you for granted. I love you so much and I don’t know how I would have survived these last weeks without you.”

Jamie kissed away the single tear that was rolling down Claire’s cheek and gave her a small smile. 

“I love ye too, Sassenach. And because I love ye, and ye me, there is nae need for ye tae thank me. This is what being in love is, Sassenach. There is nothing I wouldna do for ye tae succeed or for ye tae be safe and happy. Tis my responsibility tae make sure ye have all that ye need, including my love, without conditions.”

Their lips met in a soulful kiss, one that sought to convey the depths of their love for one another. One that would linger for hours, maybe days, for each of them as a reminder of the strength of their bond. 

Claire eventually slid her hands down to the waist of Jamie’s pajama shorts and pushed them down, letting her hand graze over his erection, covered just by his boxer briefs. 

“Make love to me, Jamie,” she breathed as his own hands tugged her shirt up, his eyes feasting on her exposed flesh with naked hunger. 

Before long, he was thrusting slowly, deeply into her, taking his time to love her, his body demonstrating exactly what he meant when he told her his responsibility was to make sure she was safe and happy. Her noises were soft and needy, but she was not urging him to move any faster or harder, seemingly in no rush to find her release, happy to let her own pleasure build slowly. As he grew closer to his climax, Jamie felt Claire’s legs wrap around him, increasing the friction and force between them. They came together, Jamie biting down on Claire’s shoulder while she buried her face into his neck and dug her nails into his back. 

Their lips found each other again in languorous kisses, their bodies refusing to be unraveled while they each still felt throbs of pleasure echoing through them. Some time later, Jamie tucked Claire in, and she was asleep in a matter of seconds, her body relaxed and a look of contentment on her face. 

—

It was hard to tell who was more nervous when Claire kissed Jamie goodbye the next morning. He walked with her to the exam location, his fingers laced with hers, his thumb gently rubbing hers. As they walked, Claire focused on taking deep, calming breaths. There was nothing more she could do. This was the first of three exams over the next few days, and would most likely be the most difficult of the bunch. Today’s exam was one of two full-day exams she had to take, this one focused on her clinical knowledge, while tomorrow’s would prioritize her clinical skills. The last exam she would take would be shorter and focused specifically on medical ethics and the responsibilities of doctors to their patients. 

Jamie wasn’t allowed into the exam building, so they said their goodbyes just outside of the doors, his arms enveloping her tightly. 

“Ye are going tae be braw, Sassenach. I ken it,” he whispered. 

Claire nodded against his chest, inhaling deeply to let his scent calm her vacillating nerves, before she stepped back and gave him a tentative smile. He cupped her cheek and ran his thumb along her cheek, returning her smile before leaning in to kiss her deeply. After a few more soft kisses and words of encouragement, Jamie watched Claire walk into the building, her posture confident and her stride steady. He had no doubts that she would do great, but that didn’t stop a ball of nerves from settling into his stomach. His worry was more about not being able to carry her stress or her anxiety for her. This was something she had to do on her own, but his entire being longed to be the one to shoulder every burden for her, to protect her from any form of pain or discomfort. 

As he walked to work, Jamie sighed to himself. It would be a long day for both of them. 

—

The relief that fillrf Claire as she turned in her exam was immeasurable. And when she found Jamie waiting for her outside, she had to keep herself from bursting into tears, so happy to see him and so glad that the hardest part was over. Tomorrow’s clinical skills test would be challenging, but given how much time she spent as a nurse working directly with patients, she knew she had more experience than anyone else in her medical school cohort and would be able to navigate whatever scenarios they threw at her with practiced confidence. 

Jamie had her in his arms before she could even shout his name to get his attention. 

“How did it go, Sassenach? Will I be able to officially call ye Dr. Sassenach soon?”

Claire snorted at his question. “Well, I won’t know my results for another month or so, but I think I did well enough. I finished every section earlier than almost everyone else, which made me nervous, but when I reviewed my answers, I thought I had the right ones.”

“Weel, I am no surprised. Ye are the smartest person I ken, and ye have worked sae hard tae be ready for today. Plus, being a doctor is not just something ye want tae do. It is yer calling, and the knowledge is in yer bones,” Jamie told her, not letting her respond before kissing her. 

When they separated, Claire gave him a cheeky smile. “It would have saved me a lot of time and stress if the knowledge was in my brain and not just my bones.”

“Har, har,” Jamie laughed. “Now, let’s get ye home, fed, and in bed sae ye can do it all again tomorrow.”

—

Three days later, Claire walked into Jamie’s apartment, dropped her bag on the floor, and flung her exhausted brain and body onto his couch. It was just midday, her final final exam done, and all she wanted to do was sleep and watch the most inane television she could find. The fact that she was, with the exception of a few formalities, completely done with medical school had yet to hit her. There were no more classes to attend, no more late night study sessions at the library needed, no more annoying professors to roll her eyes at. Maybe with time she would feel a deeper sense of accomplishment, but right now, she could barely keep her eyes open, the warm, early spring sun pouring in through the windows, blanketing her in comfort and encouraging her to sleep. 

—

Jamie chuckled softly when he came into his apartment and found Claire sprawled on the couch, Adso curled on her stomach, both of them sleeping heavily. Besides a few texts when her exam was done, he had not heard from her the rest of the afternoon, and now he saw why. His poor lass was beyond exhausted at this point, and he was glad to see she was letting herself finally rest. 

Jamie gently set the large bouquet of roses he bought for her on the kitchen counter and walked over to the couch, kneeling beside her. He lightly brushed a few stray curls off of her forehead before kissing her there. She gave a deep sigh of contentment, still asleep, causing Jamie to smile. He watched her for a few more moments, whispering, as he often did, a small prayer of gratitude for her and for getting to be the one to love her and keep her. 

—

The comforting scent of tomato sauce was what finally pulled Claire from her unexpectedly long nap. Based on the light in the room - the sun visible but slowly melting into the horizon - she slept the entire afternoon away. She smiled when she noticed the solid, warm weight of Adso on her stomach, the cat awake and looking around the room, but seemingly content to lay with her. Her smile grew wider when she heard Jamie attempting to quietly clamor around the kitchen, clearly making their dinner while trying hard not to wake her. 

Claire peeked over the side of the couch to watch him. He wore a simple, bright blue apron, his back to her as he stirred the sauce on the stovetop. Of the countless, endless things she loved about him, his apron was high on the list. He wore it every time he set out to cook them something, telling her it reminded him of his mom, who always had an apron on in the kitchen. It was a small way for him to feel connected to her and her memory. 

Claire shifted Adso gently off of her and tiptoed quietly to the kitchen, wrapping her arms around Jamie from behind, her cheek pressing into his back. 

“Ah, my sleeping beauty has finally risen. She was not, as legend suggests, pulled from sleep by the kisses of her prince, but by the smell of tomato sauce,” Jamie teased, setting his spoon down and turning in her arms.

Claire hummed against him. “I think my subconscious knew there was an impossibly sexy man willingly making me a delicious dinner, and made sure I woke up to witness it,” she purred, her hands sliding down to his arse. “You know full well that the sight of you in this apron is my kryptonite.”

Jamie groaned as Claire tilted her face up and kissed him, her hands continuing to squeeze his backside as she did. Their lips still connected, Jamie managed to turn off the burner and cover the pot of sauce, all before picking Claire up and carrying her to his bedroom. Dinner would most certainly wait. 

Chapter Text

The day after her exams, Claire spent the morning finishing up a handful of job applications, hoping she would get a provisional offer soon so she could stop worrying about where she would be working in a few months time.  Newly graduated medical students were usually given provisional offers of employment, meaning they would get the job so long as their test results were sufficient when they came in. She could, of course, continue to work at the hospital as a nurse for as long as she needed, but she would rather not waste any time.

Claire applied to several jobs in Edinburgh, including at the hospital she currently worked, along with jobs in Glasgow and around Scotland. She knew for certain that she wanted to stay in Scotland, and hoped that wherever she ended up, she and Jamie would be able to figure it out. He was only encouraging, telling her to apply anywhere and everywhere that matched her interests, reminding her that he would happily follow her wherever she went. Claire knew he meant it, but that didn’t stop her from feeling guilty about uprooting him from a job he loved (at least until recently) and the city he had made his home. And she was worried that once she had an offer and the (possible) reality of leaving Edinburgh became real, Jamie would change his mind about leaving with her. No longer having to worry about her coursework meant Claire had ample time to worry about other things, primarily the million different scenarios of the future, despite knowing that the one scenario she didn’t worry about would be the one that became her reality. 

It was Friday, and Jamie was at work, so instead of getting caught in another worry spiral, Claire decided around lunchtime to go and visit him at the store. She was off of work until Monday, and still had not adjusted to all of the free time suddenly available both in her day and in her mind. But it was a beautiful, late April day, and it would be a shame not to take advantage of such nice weather. On her way, she picked up some brownies from Highland Bakehouse to share with Jamie. 

The last time Claire was in the bookstore was over a month ago; before Richard Brown started imposing his draconian budget cuts and micromanaging every decision Jamie and his staff were making. The energy in the store was…tense. It was just past midday, and Claire was the only customer in the shop. Normally, Jamie hosted daily children’s storytime around this time, but Brown had told him it was a waste of staff time to host such an event unless they required parents and caregivers to buy a copy of the book they were reading. Jamie was adamant that he would never impose such an unfair, inequitable policy. The lunch hour storytime was meant to build community and provide a safe, helpful space for kids and their grownups to spend part of their day. Jamie told Claire he had nearly hit Brown in the face when he had found out that storytimes were no longer permissible, and only hadn’t because it was the middle of a staff meeting and one of his colleagues had stopped him before Jamie could get up.

Claire looked around the store, eyes scanning for her favorite mop of ginger curls. Since she didn’t see him on the main floor, she pulled out her phone to send him a text, but was interrupted. 

“Are you in need of assistance?”

Claire looked up, and despite having never seen or met Brown in person, she knew immediately that he was the question asker. The man was short and portly, dressed in a way that implied he wanted to be perceived as wealthy. Cold, hard gray eyes stared at her, a smug sneer suggesting Brown was doing some noble act of service by talking to such a commoner. Claire straightened her spine and looked him directly in the eye.

“I’m looking for your manager, Jamie Fraser,” she said, overexaggerating her already prim English accent.

“And what does a pretty lady like yourself need with Mr. Fraser? I’m sure I would be able to answer your questions, and would do it happily,” Brown replied, his tone insufferable. 

Just as she was about to reply, Claire saw Jamie. He was standing by the cash registers, arms crossed, watching her exchange with Brown intently. 

“While you no doubt might be of use,” Claire started, putting just the faintest touch of sarcasm in her words, “my question is for Mr. Fraser specifically. If he is not here, I will come back another time.”

Brown looked increasingly annoyed with Claire, seemingly regretting he bothered to ask if she needed help. “I do believe Mr. Fraser is currently unavailable. Perhaps you should come back another time.”

“That will not be necessary,” Claire smiled. “Mr. Fraser is walking this way right now.”

And he was. Brown, glowering, turned around to see Jamie headed their way. 

“Well then,” he huffed. “I hope Mr. Fraser is able to see to your needs.”

Claire smirked. “Oh, he will.”

“Ms. Beauchamp,” Jamie greeted Claire, clearly holding back a smirk. “How lovely tae see ye again,” Jamie extended his hand so Claire could shake it. 

“You as well, Mr. Fraser,” Claire replied. 

“Why don’t ye come on back tae my office sae we can discuss yer concerns in private,” Jamie said, motioning for Claire to follow him.

“Concerns?” Brown inquired sharply, looking between Claire and Jamie. 

“Yes, concerns,” Claire replied. “You see, my young son, Timothy, now cries himself to sleep every afternoon for his nap because he misses the store’s storytime and the friends he made during it. I’ve asked Mr. Fraser to once again explain to me how such an idiotic decision could be made to stop such a vital community program,” Claire added coldly, looking Brown square in the face. “I cannot believe the blatant greed and selfishness of the decision, and I am hoping Mr. Fraser will pass along my complaints to the more competent leaders of the company. Now if you would excuse us.” 

Claire and Jamie walked swiftly to his small, cramped office, both of them shaking with silent laughter as Brown was left sputtering to himself. The office was barely a large enough space to fit Jamie and his desk, especially with the stacks of books he had all over the place. There was, however, more than enough space for Claire to push Jamie up against the back of the now closed door and kiss him thoroughly. 

“Ms. Beauchamp, I hardly think this is appropriate,” Jamie murmured as he moved to nip at Claire’s ear before kissing down her neck. 

Claire sighed happily as Jamie’s teeth lightly grazed her skin. “Ooh, Mr. Fraser, please don’t stop,” she teased, her hips pressing more firmly into his. 

They made out for a few more minutes, knowing full well that space and propriety would keep them from doing anything more. Eventually, Jamie offered Claire his desk chair and he moved a few items around on his desk so he could sit on top of it. 

“I’m assuming ye dinna come here tae sass Brown, Sassesnach, though twas fun tae watch,” Jamie smiled at her, her cheeks still beautifully flushed from their makeout session. 

“No, I did not. That was just an added bonus. I just wanted to come say hi. I spent the morning finishing up a few more job applications, and needed to stretch my legs. Oh, and get a treat,” Claire told him, gesturing to the nearly forgotten bakery bag she dropped on the floor in between kisses. 

They ate their brownies while Claire shared more about the applications she submitted, Jamie trying not to get his hopes up that she would be offered one of the Edinburgh positions. 

It was a quick visit, Jamie needing to get back to his long to-do list, all while finding creative ways to ignore Brown while he did. Seeing Claire was the boost he needed to get through the final few hours of the day. They walked to the store’s exit, resuming their roles as disgruntled customer and store manager since Brown was watching them closely. 

“Well, Mr. Fraser. I do expect to hear from you soon that this matter has been appropriately resolved. I would hate to take my money and that of my friends and family to another bookstore, but I will if Waterstones continues to make such ill-advised decisions,” Claire stated. 

“I promise tae do all I can, Ms. Beauchamp. As I explained, most of it is out of my hands, but I will continue tae advocate on yer behalf the best I can,” Jamie replied solemnly. 

“Good. I am not above making my demands known and punishing those who do not comply,” Claire smirked at Jamie, turning to leave before he could say anything else. It was for the best, he thought, as he was fully under her power and also extremely willing to be punished for his misdeeds. 

—

Claire shouldered her way into the mail room, arms full of shopping bags after she stopped at the grocery store on her way back from the bookstore. Over the last few weeks, she certainly had been neglecting her mail, so she should have been less surprised than she was to find her mailbox bulging with all sorts of envelopes and advertisements. Not giving any of it a second glance, she shoved it all into one of the shopping bags with a sigh before skimming over the packages on the deliveries table to see if anything had arrived for her. She couldn’t recall ordering anything recently, but there was one small package with her name on it that she also tossed into a bag before lugging everything upstairs.

Once the groceries were put away and Adso properly greeted, Claire flopped onto the couch with all of her mail, hoping most of it would be junk she could quickly discard. She opened the package first, curious as to what she bought for herself that she couldn’t remember.

In the box, she found a large velvet jewelry box, which confused her even more. Had she ordered herself jewelry in her exhausted frenzy while studying? Certainly Jamie wouldn’t send her a gift through the mail, right? She double checked that the package had her name on it, which it did, and noticed the return address was one of a very fancy jeweler in London. One that was far out of her price range. 

Claire flipped open the velvet box and gasped. It was a pavé diamond chain necklace, made of white gold, and surely cost more than several years of her rent. She certainly could not afford such a luxury item, and unless he had been lying to her (and she did not doubt him for a second), neither could Jamie.

Claire rifled through the packaging materials looking for a note or a receipt or any indication of who might have sent this to her and why. Finding nothing, she set the necklace very carefully back into its velvet box and let herself sit in her shock. She mindlessly flipped through the rest of her mail, needing something to do with her hands, all of it either bills or junk, when an envelope caught her eye. It looked to be a card, based on the size of it, and she ripped it open to find a (rather ugly) card that said “Congratulations!” on the cover. Dread filled her when she read the accompanying note:

Claire, darling,

Congratulations on completing your medical school exams. I always knew you had it in you. It’s fascinating how every step of your journey has unfolded. I’ve been keeping an eye on your progress, and it’s almost as if I’ve been right there with you, through the late night studying and endless exams. 

Yours, 

Frank

P.S. I’ll be around.

Cold panic filled Claire as she read and reread Frank’s words. He knew where she lived. He knew her schedule well enough to know that she had finished her exams. She immediately grabbed her phone to call Jamie. 

—

The knock on the apartment door startled Claire, but she was immediately soothed when she heard Jamie call her name, telling her it was only him. He had been on his way home from work when she called, and he asked that she double check the door was locked and deadbolted to keep her safe. 

Jamie had Claire wrapped tightly in his arms before the door even finished swinging open. 

“Christ, lass, ye’re shaking sae hard,” Jamie remarked, her body trembling against his. He rocked her back and forth, hoping the gentle movement would calm her frayed nerves. 

Claire tried hard to let her body be absorbed into Jamie’s. His warmth, his comfort blanketed her, and all she wanted at that moment was to burrow deeper into him and let him block out the world for her. 

Jamie moved them to the couch, allowing Claire to further wind herself around him and rest comfortably against his body. She felt her entire body relax when Jamie’s hand began stroking the back of her head, rubbing small circles against her scalp, his touch the best medicine she could imagine. 

“Is this letter here then, Sassenach?” He asked softly. 

Claire lifted her head from his chest to see where he was gesturing and nodded. Jamie picked it up and read it for himself, his body going rigid beneath her, his breathing suddenly sharp and uneven. 

“I’m gonna kill the bastard,” he hissed, rage lacing every word. 

Claire’s fingers gently held his chin, forcing him to look at her. “I would rather you not be charged with murder, but I do appreciate the sentiment. I would also like to murder him, but for now, I think I need to call the police. And probably Ned as well.”

“Aye, I suppose ye’re right, Sassenach. But I willna rest easy until I ken that piece of shite is behind bars and out of our lives for good.”

—

Two days later, Claire and Jamie were spending their Sunday giving Claire’s apartment a thorough cleaning as the maintenance was finally complete and her apartment was given the all clear to live in again. Unspoken but palpable between them was a sadness at no longer getting to live together, even though they both knew it would not keep them from sharing a bed each night and considering each other’s apartment an extension of their own. But after nearly a month of living together, Jamie hated having to give up the home they built together in his apartment. He wanted to come home to her, or her to come home to him, always, and it wasn’t the same even if they were just right down the hall. Jamie sighed as he thought about it while wiping down the bathroom counter. 

—

Claire sighed as she wiped down the refrigerator doors. She was glad to have her apartment back, but also loath to give up the little home she and Jamie had been building at his apartment the last month. She really just wanted to move in together and hoped that Jamie wanted the same. But, Claire reasoned, it didn’t make sense to immediately figure out a new living situation. It would be impractical to make any decision before she accepted a job offer and knew which city she would actually be living in. It was, she thought for the millionth time, immensely annoying that she had no clue how long she would have to wait to get an offer she liked and made sense for the both of them. For the time being, they would just have to make due with their current reality, splitting time between their two apartments and dreaming of the day when they might get to finally have a place all of their own. Assuming that’s what Jamie wanted too, Claire reminded herself. 

She wasn’t sure why she was so hesitant to believe that Jamie would want to live together, given that nearly every day for the last month he made some comment to her about how much he loved getting to share a space with her. How it made him so happy to come home to her. How easy it had been to adjust different habits and routines to create space for each other. But it was with the knowledge that it wasn’t permanent. That long term, they would go back to the normal life of two separate apartments and exist happily enough like that. 

Claire knew that Jamie loved her, and that her love for him was unlike anything she ever felt or could imagine feeling for someone else. Maybe it was her own doubts about her future, maybe it was the trauma from living with Frank she was still trying to heal, maybe a combination. But something couldn’t let her believe that Jamie would want to live with her indefinitely. 

“Ye alright, Sassenach?” Jamie asked as he walked into the living room from the bathroom. He was carrying a bucket of cleaning supplies, having just been giving the newly reconstructed bathroom a rigorous scrub down. 

“What, yes. I’m fine. Why do you ask?” Claire answered, not able to keep some guilt from her voice. 

“Weel, ye were just standing there, staring intae space, wiping the same spot on the refrigerator over and over, yer brow all furrowed. Ye were standing like that for at least a minute, because that’s how long I stood here watching ye,” Jamie replied, setting the bucket of cleaning supplies on the kitchen counter before he walked over to her. 

Claire debated just telling him what she had been mulling over, trying to decide if she wanted to have the conversation now, risking their peaceful Sunday only to find out that Jamie, in fact, was not interested in living together. But she was a terrible liar, and Jamie could read her so well, she knew attempting to brush off his question would be futile. 

“I was just thinking about how much I am going to miss living with you,” Claire said, opening the conversation. 

“Aye, me too, Sassenach. Twas such a joy, knowing we were coming home tae one another. I am going tae miss yer wee medical books scattered all over my living room,” Jamie smiled, pulling her into his arms. 

“Oh, I bet you will be glad to have them out of the way. And all of my things. I’ve taken over so much of your space with all of my stuff,” Claire said with a sigh.

“Yer stuff makes me happy because ye make me happy, Sassenach,” Jamie told her with a kiss to the top of her head. “Having yer things scattered about was a reminder of ye and how much I love ye.”

Claire sighed. He always knew the exact right thing to say, much to her frustration (and delight).

“If you say so,” Claire said, her fingers fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. 

“Tell me what’s going on in that head of yers, lass,” Jamie prompted, sensing her nervousness.

“I’m sad that we won’t be living together anymore and desperately want to move in with you permanently, but my brain is making me doubt that’s what you want too,” Claire blurted out, hoping to get it over with as quickly as possible. 

It was Jamie’s turn to sigh. He walked them over to the couch, and sat down before pulling Claire down to sit on his lap.

“Claire, of course I want tae live with ye. I think about it all of the time. I dream about having a little house tae make our own. Enough space for an office for ye and a library for me. With lots of sunshine for both of us, and Adso, too. Besides wanting ye, there is nothing in my life I have wanted more than tae have a home with ye, Sassenach.”

Claire’s eyes welled with tears and relief flooded through her as Jamie spoke. She felt silly for ever thinking that he didn’t want to live with her. He had given her no reason to doubt him, but her brain had figured out how to convince her otherwise. 

“You… dream about it?” Claire whispered, in awe. “Why haven’t you mentioned it?”

“I didna want tae burden ye with the idea of it while ye were getting ready for yer exams. I’ve had a hunch for months that I wanted tae move in together but it wasna until ye were forced to that I realized how ready I was for it. But it wasna the right time to bring it up.”

“And now we can’t because we don’t know if I am staying here,” Claire said with a frustrated sigh. 

“We don’t know if we’re staying here, Sassenach. Wherever ye go, I go,” Jamie said, so earnestly it made her heart skip a beat. 

“I can’t ask you to do that for me, Jamie,” Claire started and Jamie cut her off.

“As I have already told ye numerous times, ye dinna have tae ask. I willna be separated from ye, Sassenach, and if that means we are moving tae Glasgow, Inverness, or even,” Jamie shuddered, “Manchester, then so be it.”

“But you have a life here, a job, friends,” Claire began to argue.

“The only life I have is you, Claire. Sae long as I am with ye, all will be right with the world. Everything else, we will figure out,” Jamie said, kissing her lightly. 

Claire didn’t feel like protesting further, knowing how futile it would be. Jamie was as stubborn as she was, and she could see that he had dug his heels in about this. Besides, this was more about her own sense of doubt and guilt, meaning her time would be better spent working it out in therapy before they had any further conversations about what the future held. 

“So…we are going to, at some unspecified date in the near-ish future, move in together?” Claire asked, hoping to shift their conversation back to something lighter. 

“Ye better believe it,” Jamie said. “The sooner, the better, if ye ask me,” he added before kissing her senseless.

Chapter Text

“Who the hell are you?” was not the greeting Jamie expected when he opened the door to Claire’s apartment.

It was late afternoon, and while Claire had run to the grocery store, Jamie stayed behind to finish tending to their laundry, including making Claire’s bed with freshly washed linens. He was happily fluffing her pillows and arranging them in the way she liked when he heard a knock on the door. 

He hadn’t bothered to look to see who it was, assuming that it was Claire, her arms too full of grocery bags to bother trying to use her keys. Instead, he was greeted by the sneering, affronted face of a pompous looking man. Jamie had never seen a picture of Frank Randall but he knew immediately that this spare, delicate-looking man was him. Every muscle in Jamie’s body tensed as he looked down at Randall, who clearly was not expecting anyone but Claire to open the door.

“From everything I ken about ye, Randall, I didna think ye tae be foolish enough tae actually show yer face.” Jamie growled as his greeting. 

Frank bristled at Jamie’s words, doubt momentarily replacing the smug arrogance on his face. But he recovered himself quickly. 

“Where’s Claire? And why is it that you know anything about me?” Frank asked while puffing himself up, trying to make himself look larger in reaction to Jamie’s hulking stature. 

Jamie snorted. “Ye really that much of an idiot, then? Ye harass Claire for months with yer phone calls and emails. Ye figure out where she works, where she lives, sending her threats, despite her making it clear she wants nothing tae do with ye. And then ye show up here today, in clear violation of the restraining order ye ken she has placed against ye, and in all of that time ye failed tae figure out that the police are not the ones ye should fear the most, but me? I have been dreaming of the day we finally meet and I get tae tear ye limb from limb,” Jamie’s voice was spiteful, dripping with rage and hostility. 

Frank bristled at Jamie’s words, not sure how to respond.

Jamie filled the silence. “Ye must ken, Randall, that I will burn in hell before I let ye harm Claire any further, and I will see to it that ye pay for the pain ye have inflicted upon her,” Jamie stared at Frank, his eyes hard and cold.

Frank seemed to recover some of his bravado, and smirked at Jamie. “Claire was always lacking in good taste, so I should have expected she found herself a brute of a man to slum with. A Scottish barbarian, no less, who speaks like a vacuous simpleton,” Frank drawled. “Claire will eventually realize how reckless of a decision she has made and come back to me, begging for the life of wealth and elegance I can provide her instead of wasting her time whoring around with you.”

Jamie took a step toward Frank, who no doubt wanted to provoke Jamie into physically assaulting him, not realizing that Jamie’s commitment to protect Claire had no limits, even if that meant getting himself arrested. But he figured he could at least attempt, for Claire’s sake, not to land himself in police custody.

“I think it’s time for me to call the police and let them know ye are here, blatantly defying yer restraining order,” Jamie said, pulling his phone from his pocket. 

“Feel free,” Frank replied with a smug smile. “And while we wait for them to arrive, we can compare notes about how, despite her many deficiencies, Claire is certainly a good fuck. She might be a slut, but I can’t wait until I get to plough myself back into that tight, wet cunt of hers and fuck her until she is begging for my forgiveness.”

So much for restraint, Jamie thought, as he dropped his phone and lunged toward Randall, tackling the bastard to the ground, pommeling his fist into his face. Randall fought back, landing punches of his own to Jamie’s face and to his stomach, momentarily knocking the wind from him. But Jamie was much too strong and so much bigger that it wasn’t long before he had Randall subdued - not unconscious, but certainly dazed and with no more energy to fight back. 

Just as he was standing up, wiping the blood coming from his newly split lip while looking for his discarded phone to call the police, Claire rounded the corner and let out a loud gasp. 

“Oh my god! Jamie, what happened? Are you alright?” She asked in rushed, breathless sentences, dropping the grocery bags from her hands to more quickly run to him. 

“I’m okay, Sassenach,” Jamie said as Claire flung her arms around his neck. “I was just introducing myself tae Randall.”

He felt Claire’s body stiffen against him, her head slowly turning from scanning his injured face to the man laying on the floor. 

“Frank?” Claire sputtered, only just realizing that Jamie had not been hurt by some random stranger. 

“Hello, darling,” Frank sneered, his wits coming back to him as he stood up. Blood was gushing from his nose, dripping down onto the collar of his shirt, but he didn’t seem to notice as his eyes zeroed in on Claire. “I was just lamenting to your oaf how satisfying it is to fuck you, despite the fact that you are an inelegant whore.”

Jamie moved toward Frank, cold-blooded rage overtaking him again, but Claire stopped him, moving to stand between the two. 

“You are delusional,” Claire hissed at Frank. “I have made myself more than clear. I want nothing to do with you. You are a pitiful, callous man, who clearly has gone insane, and wasting five years of my life with you will forever be my biggest regret. I despise you and will spend the rest of my life cursing the day I met you and all that followed between us.” 

Frank’s eyes narrowed at her words, but before he could speak, Claire continued. “I don’t know what fantasy world you are living in, thinking there is anything to salvage between us. That I would subject myself again to your demeaning, belittling cruelty. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t remember the pain and abuse you controlled me with, or breathe a sigh of relief to be freed from your poison. I refuse to let myself be dragged back into your darkness ever again.”

While Claire was talking, she felt Jamie behind her, his presence giving her the safety she required to say what she should have said to Frank when she left him. Her courage was all her own, but when combined with Jamie’s steadfast strength, she finally had all she needed to stand her ground. Frank, however, did not seem to get the message. 

“Oh, please. Don’t act like you are some innocent, delicate flower, Claire. You didn’t seem to mind me when I was paying to keep a roof over your head or buying you luxury clothes and fancy dinners. And do I need to remind you of all of the times you begged me to fuck you? How you plead for it to be rough and I obliged? You should be on your hands and knees thanking me for how I saw to your every need, even the most depraved of them.”

Before she could stop herself, Claire slapped Frank hard across his already bruised check, the cracking sound, gruesomely satisfying, echoing through the otherwise quiet hallway. Jamie quickly moved to stand in between her and Randall, before the areshole lost all sense and dared touch his Sassenach. 

“Now,” Jamie started, his voice low and dark, his eyes glaring at Randall. “I think that is enough talking. It’s well past time for me tae call the police and let them come drag yer sorry arse tae jail.”

Frank huffed, apparently just coming to the realization that his only two options were to run or to stay and let the police arrest him. He, the coward that he was, chose to run. He was halfway down the stairwell before Jamie caught him and effortlessly picked him up, dragging him the rest of the way down the stairs and into the mailroom, which, conveniently, had one door to guard and no windows to escape through. Jamie closed himself and Randall in the room, knowing that Claire was upstairs calling the police.

Jamie was desperate to have her in his arms, to feel the reassuring rhythm of her heartbeat against his own, to shower her with soft kisses that conveyed his love and safety in a way that words never could. Instead he was locked in a room with the most despicable man he had ever laid eyes on. Hopefully this nightmare would be over soon, and he could shift his focus entirely to taking care of Claire.

—

Claire wrung her hands anxiously while she waited for the police to arrive. There was a small window into the mail room where Jamie was holding Frank captive, which allowed her to occasionally confirm that Jamie had not gone and killed the man. Instead, the two were in an intense staring contest, Jamie’s back pressed firmly against the door, arms crossed, while Frank glowered in a corner. 

This was a side of Jamie Claire had never seen before, but given the few comments he had previously made about wanting to make Frank pay for what he had done to her, Claire wasn’t entirely surprised. He was instinctively a protector, not just of her, but of everyone he loved, and the protection required today was, in her relatively short time of knowing him, beyond anything they had experienced together. But this Jamie - cold, malevolent, menacing - was one she would need to reconcile with her Jamie - loving, soft, big-hearted. Just as soon as Frank was properly taken care of. 

Claire was frustrated to even be in this situation. Frank had already violated the restraining order just a few days ago, when Claire received the jewelry and accompanying note he sent her. She had called both the police and Ned that evening to let them know of the violation, and the police had promised to work with their counterparts in London to track Frank down. Claire knew Ned had been following up with the police several times a day since then, demanding they move faster to apprehend Frank so further legal action could be pursued. But Claire got the sense that her case was a low priority. It was just some jewelry and a note, not Frank standing at her doorstep. There was no solid proof Frank was actually in Scotland, even if his note alluded to it, so apparently the police couldn’t be bothered to more quickly assure she was safe. And this was the result. 

After what felt like hours but was probably only fifteen minutes, the main door to the apartment building swung open and two police officers walked in.

“Ms. Beauchamp?” The short, gray-haired one inquired, looking at Claire.

“Yes,” Claire responded.

“I’m Officer Crowley. What seems to be the situation?” 

Claire succinctly explained what had occurred and how Jamie and Frank ended up in the mailroom, staring each other down. She tried to avoid going into too much detail about how Jamie physically attacked Frank, hoping that she could keep Jamie from also being arrested for physical assault. But she suspected that Frank would try to take Jamie down with him. Ned was on his way, though, and would hopefully be able to help. 

From there, everything moved rather quickly. The police put Frank in handcuffs and walked him out to their car, one of them waiting while Claire went to retrieve her copy of the restraining order and the letter and necklace Frank had sent. They were perplexed that their colleagues had not already taken them in for evidence, bemoaning the lazy incompetence of the closest precinct. 

Frank did not go quietly, shouting that Jamie was a thug that deserved a worthless bitch like Claire, all while ignoring the officers’ orders to sit silently and not risk further charges. He was clearly uninterested in heeding their advice and only quieted down when one of the officers went and sat in the car with him. 

Relief and exhaustion surged through Claire in equal measure as the police car drove away with Frank, and before she knew what was happening, she was sitting on the sidewalk, her body heaving with sobs. 

Jamie’s whose body was just moments ago taut with rage, was by her side in an instant, molding himself around her, trying desperately to calm his distraught girlfriend.

“Shh, Sassenach. Ye’re safe. It’s okay,” he whispered against her curls, rocking her gently in his arms. 

“It’s not okay,” Claire gasped between cries. “I put you in this situation and you got hurt. And you were forced to hit him,” she choked out.

“Tis only a split lip, Sassenach. I will be just fine. And, tae be fair, I wasn’t really forced tae hit him. But I was angry with the vile he was spewin’ about ye and it was the only way tae shut his gob,” Jamie said, attempting levity. It fell flat. 

“But either way it is my fault you had to. He’s my ex. And I haven’t done enough to protect you from him,” Claire all but howled. 

Jamie sighed, attempting to hide his frustration. “Claire, ye have done more than enough tae distance yerself from that man. Ye moved nearly 500 miles away from him. Ye have changed yer phone number and yer email. Ye have a restraining order in place. What else could ye have possibly done?”

Claire was silent, save for a few hiccupping cries, so Jamie continued. “And ye have protected me. Ye have let me love ye. Ye have trusted me with yer heart, and all of the protection I need is yer love and trust. Without that, I would be lost and far more likely tae do something completely boneheaded.”

Silence settled between them, Claire staring unfocused into the distance while Jamie traced his fingers slowly up and down her spine in reminder that he was there, that they were together in this. Eventually, Claire sighed and moved to stand, pulling Jamie up with her. 

“Let’s go back inside. Ned should be here soon and I still haven’t put away the groceries,” Claire said, taking Jamie’s hand and leading him back inside. 

They were quiet as they, together, put away the groceries and waited for Ned. It was now nearing 7PM and the events of the last few hours left them both drained. When there was a knock on the door, Jamie bolted up from the couch, making sure to check through the peephole before opening the door to greet Ned. 

—

Ned didn’t stay long, only long enough to discuss what happened with both Claire and Jamie, taking fastidious notes as they each spoke. Ned’s calm, level-headed, factual approach was a balm to Claire. As she spoke, she was finally able to process what happened in a clear-headed way. She was so proud of herself for standing up to the man who had terrorized and demeaned her. Proud of not cowering at his presence or allowing him to victimize her further. She had worked so hard to heal from the impact five years with him had rendered, and today she got to see that all of that time in therapy really did matter. And despite knowing that violence really never solved anything, Claire admitted to herself that slapping Frank was a bit cathartic. 

After Ned left, the rest of their evening was a blur of eating a quick dinner, taking showers, and collapsing into bed together. Despite her apartment being clean and ready for her, and despite knowing Frank would be spending the night in jail, Claire was hesitant to stay in her own apartment, even though Jamie would be right there with her. So they instead went back to his place and the familiar bedtime routines they had honed the last many weeks. 

They laid in bed quietly, both feeling the day crash around them in waves; their brains finally catching up to their actions from hours before. Claire eventually broke the silence. 

“Jamie?” She asked into the darkness. 

“Hmmm?” He hummed, indicating he was listening. 

Claire shifted from her back to her side so she was looking at him. This was the Jamie she knew and loved. Hair askew, eyes shining with love, a look of tender concern on his face as he looked at her. 

“I…well. Um…” Claire didn’t quite know how to say what she was thinking. 

“Out with it, Sassenach,” Jamie prompted gently. “Whatever it is, it will be okay.”

Claire took a deep breath and steadied herself, taking hold of one of Jamie’s hands as she started talking. 

“I am so relieved that you were here today and that you helped make sure Frank couldn’t hurt me,” Claire said carefully. 

“But…” Jamie said, sensing from her pause there was something more. 

“But, well, you scared me today, Jamie. I didn’t recognize you when I came around that corner. The malice on your face, the rage in your body. You turned into someone I didn’t know, and that scares me,” Claire spoke rapidly, whether to help soften the blow of her words or just get it over with, she didn’t know. 

Jamie felt his own body tense as Claire spoke, not entirely sure why his first reaction was to feel defensive. Silence hung between them, Jamie trying to move past his initial reaction of irritation and frustration, knowing that it wouldn’t be helpful or productive to dismiss Claire’s worry or concern. Truth be told, he was surprised by how intense his anger had been at the sight of Randall, at the provocation of his words. 

“I’m sorry tae have scared ye, Claire,” Jamie said when he finally felt measured enough to speak. 

“I think we both ken that I am, tae a fault, mind ye, loyal and protective of the ones I love. Tis deeply ingrained in who I am, and I wouldna change that for anything,” Jamie shared. 

Claire brought Jamie’s hand to her lips and kissed it before whispering, “I wouldn’t change it either.”

Jamie gave her a wry smile before continuing. “In the time I have known ye, Sassenach, my protective instincts have never been sae sharp. Every fiber of my being longs tae keep ye safe and tae make sure ye feel loved. And until today, I have been able tae focus on just that - making sure ye ken I can be trusted with yer heart; that ye have the space tae be exactly who ye are; that when ye are with me, ye ken I am yers completely.”

Claire snuggled closer to him, her head nestled on his shoulder. “One of the many reasons I love you is because I have always felt safe and seen with you, Jamie. You have never made me feel anything but cherished, and that’s not something I ever want to take for granted,” Claire told him. 

“Aye, and ye make me feel the same, my own,” Jamie said, pressing a kiss to her temple. “But when Randall showed up today, my instincts went in tae overdrive. A level of rage I had never felt filled me, and it took everything in me not tae pummel the wee piece of shite on the spot. I have seen firsthand how hard ye have worked tae overcome the vile things by that man did tae ye, Claire, and when I saw him, all I could think was I had tae eliminate him as a threat tae ye. I couldna bear the thought of him causing ye more pain. Couldna stand the fact that while ye have struggled and healed, he has felt no remorse for his actions and is even more emboldened tae harass ye. All I could focus on was vengeance and making sure he was made tae feel some modicum of pain for all he has done. It was like I became a different person in that moment.”

Claire sighed. She understood. She did. And if the situation were reversed, she knew she probably would be surprised by how menacing and bloodthirsty her own reaction would be if it meant protecting Jamie. 

“I understand, Jamie. I do. But it doesn’t take away the fact that you have a violent side that I didn’t know about. That maybe you didn’t fully know about either. That is what scares me. What if something happens and…”

Claire didn’t even need to finish her sentence before Jamie cut her off. He gently pulled them both up so they were sitting facing one another. “Claire,” he looked deeply, intently into her eyes. The gold flecks were even more prominent in the dim light of the bedroom. He loved those flecks and how they sparkled. His life’s mission was to make them sparkle as much as possible.  

“Claire, I would never hurt ye or turn toward ye in anger like that. I dinna think it is possible for me tae look at ye with anything but love and admiration or tae do anything but be as tender as milk with ye,” He told her, urgency in his voice, desperately hoping that she heard him. That she understood him. “I ken all I have tae give ye is my word, and hopefully I have given ye no reason tae doubt my actions towards ye. All I want is tae cherish ye, with my words and my body.”

Jamie’s voice held evident desperation as he spoke, his words as imploring as his eyes upon hers. Claire took his face in her hands, giving him a small, sad smile. 

“I know, Jamie,” she said, her own voice filled with its own desperate ache. “You haven’t given me any reason to doubt you, to question my trust. But my brain needs some time to reconcile this new information about you and to have it all make sense with the Jamie that I know. The Jamie that I love. It doesn’t change how much I love you or my desire to dream of a future that includes you, includes us . But after everything I went through with Frank, after everything I accepted from him, I need to make sure I am not fooling myself again and letting my heart trick me into more pain.”

Jamie hesitated before pulling Claire closer to him, his legs bracketing her body as he pressed her tightly into his chest. He heard her sniffle against him, hating that he had anything to do with her tears. Hating that there was nothing but time that would resolve this anguish for them both. 

—

Later that night, sometime in the predawn darkness, Claire woke with a start. Her heart raced as the dream melted away and her bearings came back to her. She felt Jamie’s hand softly rubbing up and down her back, the soft hum of Gaelic soothing the amalgam of emotions and images that the now impossible to remember dream imprinted on her. It was too dark in the bedroom to get a good look at him, but Claire had a sneaking suspicion that he had not slept that night but also did not for a moment leave her side. They had, emotionally exhausted and physically spent, curled into one another’s arms after their conversation, not really having resolved anything but tentatively hopeful just in the fact that they were able to talk about it openly. Claire didn’t even remember her head hitting the pillow, tired as she was, but now she felt wide awake, despite the hour. 

Claire kissed Jamie’s chest before scooting herself up just a bit so she could kiss his lips. 

“Are ye okay, Sassenach? Ye were moaning like mad, and not yer sexy moans like ye make for me,” Jamie asked, the slightest bit of cheek in his tone. 

“I was having a dream I can’t remember now, but I startled awake feeling anxious. But I’m okay now. Have you slept at all?”

Jamie sighed. “I mebbe dosed for a few minutes but otherwise no. I needed some more time tae think, and tae speak my heart tae yers while ye slept. Tis daft, I ken, but I believe someone can best ken the truth of another’s words when they are shared while the person sleeps.”

“Hmm,” Claire replied. “I wonder if that has ever been researched. But I’m sure my heart was listening. It always does when it hears your voice,” Claire kissed him again, slowly, with no small amount of passion. 

Jamie pulled away from her kiss, panting, his body stirring at the intent of her lips. “Are ye sure, Claire? Even with all that is unsettled between us?”

Claire kissed him harder, letting her tongue explore his mouth before she bit down on his lower lip, which, like it always did, made him groan. “I’m sure, Jamie. We still have some emotional healing to do, but I still want you as much as I always have, and after everything that happened, I want to be reminded of how it feels to be loved by you.”

They made love unhurriedly, Jamie taking his time to caress and bless every inch of Claire’s flesh with his lips. He pressed promises into her skin, reminders of his goodness. Claire, in turn let her fingers lovingly trace every line of his body, her touch and her whimpers of pleasure placating his worry. When he finally entered her, it was while they were lying on their sides, facing one another, Claire’s leg hooked around his waist. They moved together with measured slowness, their foreheads touching and their hands grasping at every available inch of skin they could reach. The goal wasn’t the all-consuming, earth shattering ecstasy that their lovemaking usually provided. Instead, this was about connection and comfort. About watching the emotions dance across each other’s face as they were joined. About remembering the certainty of them, which was always most clear as their pleasure simultaneously crested. It wouldn’t solve everything, but it would allow them a mutual sense of hope. A confidence that there was nothing they couldn’t navigate so long as they were one.

Chapter Text

The last day of April was a dreary, wet affair. It had rained for two straight days, though the nascent green leaves and blooming tulips hinted that brighter days were surely around the corner. In the nearly two weeks since Frank showed up at Claire’s apartment, Jamie and Claire found their relationship tested in ways they had not yet experienced. At his suggestion, Jamie had joined Claire during her most recent therapy session, both of them agreeing that after everything that transpired, it would be beneficial to work through their complex feelings together. One session did not solve everything, but they both left the hour feeling more connected and more certain that they would be able to work through it.

Frank, thankfully, was still in jail, having been deemed too much of a flight risk to be let go until his trial. When the police had searched his apartment a few days after he appeared at Claire’s, they found a one-way ticket to Brazil. Apparently Frank claimed it was for academic research, but given that he was a professor of English and Scottish history, the authorities were rightly skeptical of his claim. Ned, the expert lawyer that he was, ensured that Frank would not press charges against Jamie for attacking him. Based on what Ned shared, Claire had a suspicion that Ned knew some things about Frank’s lawyers that he made clear he would keep secret, so long as Frank agreed to not pursue a case against Jamie. The timeline for what came next was still unclear, but, for now, both Claire and Jamie slept soundly knowing that Frank was behind bars. 

When she wasn’t checking-in with Ned about Frank’s case, Claire had spent nearly every day of the last two weeks applying to jobs, compulsively checking her email for interview offers, and generally being a walking ball of anxiety at the slow progress of landing a job. Several of her classmates, including Joe, already had been offered positions; Joe eagerly moving south to Liverpool for a general surgery role. It was frustrating, her daily routine of hope fading into despair, but Claire was also trying to channel all of her nervous energy into more productive tasks. When she wasn’t at work or on the job hunt, Claire was tending to her newly rented garden plot at the community garden. Her love of gardening started when she was a girl traveling the world with Uncle Lamb. In every location they visited, she found herself learning about local healing practices, all of which were rooted in the community’s deep understanding and appreciation of plants.

Claire took to journaling about the different medical remedies she heard about, trying the best she could to capture the different ways herbs and other plants and flowers could be useful in healing. Until now, she hadn’t been able to find the time or the resources she needed to grow her own garden or attempt to create her own remedies, but no time like the anxious present, she thought. If she ended up having to leave Edinburgh for her job, she would just donate her plot and plants back to the organization running the garden so they could benefit from her efforts. 

But given the rain and tomorrow’s important event, Claire came home from her early morning nursing shift and got right to work on confirming the final details of Jamie’s birthday celebration the next day. His birthday unfortunately fell on a Wednesday this year, and both of them had to work. And as much as Jamie insisted they didn’t need to do anything special, Claire wouldn’t hear any of it. After the chaos of the last several weeks, they deserved a night of fun and celebration. Plus, who was Jamie to tell her that they didn’t need to celebrate the man she loved? So, they were going out. First to a whisky sampling at a local distillery, and then to dinner at Jamie’s favorite pub in Edinburgh. It wasn’t the most extravagant of celebrations, but Claire was committed to doing all she could to make him feel special on his birthday. 

Just as she was finishing confining their reservation at the whisky tasting, Jamie called. 

“Hello?” Claire answered. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this midday call?” She asked teasingly. Given their schedules and their work, they almost never talked on the phone during the day, instead exchanging endless text messages in between patients or customers. 

“The bastard fired me, Sassenach,” Jamie’s enraged voice came through the phone. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Claire gasped, certainly sure she misheard him.

“He fired me. Called me in tae his office and said given my recent performance and attitude he had nae choice but tae let me go,” Jamie growled. 

Things at the bookstore had gotten progressively worse for Jamie over the last few weeks. Brown eliminated Jamie’s beloved Scottish literature section, instead using the space to stock even more of the already bestselling books. When Jamie (probably a bit too aggressively) questioned Brown’s decision, Brown simply told him that “Up and coming authors don’t make us money. Especially those from council housing in Scotland.” Jamie came home seething that day, asking Claire if he should just quit instead of trying to endure any more of Brown’s reign of terror. But Jamie wasn’t a quitter, and he didn’t want to leave his staff on their own to deal with Brown. So they agreed he should stay. Apparently Brown had other ideas. 

“Where are you now, Jamie?” Claire asked, hurriedly grabbing her raincoat and purse, ready to go meet him wherever he was. 

“I’m almost home,” he replied with a sigh. “I was sae angry that I walked around the Royal Mile for a bit before I called ye. If I had called sooner, I dinna think I would have been able tae even get the words out.”

“I’m so sorry, Jamie. I am going to head over to your apartment now and I will be waiting for you. It’s going to be okay. We are going to figure it out,” Claire said emphatically, hoping she could convince herself as much as she could convince him. 

—

The first half hour Jamie was home was him venting. And pacing. He paced the living room while Claire chimed in with her own spurts of indignation and frustration at Brown and at the situation. Once Jamie had let go of enough of his anger, he joined Claire and Adso on the couch, collapsing down next to her, his head falling to rest on her shoulder. 

“What am I going to do, Claire?” He asked searchingly. 

“I wish I had an easy answer for you, love,” Claire said, lacing their fingers together. “We aren’t going to come up with a solution tonight. We can spend the next few days talking all of your options through and come up with a game plan. I think, for tonight, we can just focus on feeling however we need to feel and trying to get some rest.”

Jamie lifted his head from her shoulder and kissed her softly. “I love ye, Sassenach, and I’m sae glad I dinna have tae go through this without ye.”

“I love you, too.”

—

The next morning, Jamie watched as Claire got ready for her 6am shift, moving quietly around the bedroom as she got dressed. He wished she could spend the morning in bed with him, soothing his worry, distracting him with her lips. But he knew he shouldn’t complain too much. Claire had set her alarm early so that she had enough time to purr happy birthday at him before her mouth took him, leaving him in a daze of sleepy bliss that would no doubt echo through his body all day. She refused his offer to return the favor, even when he whined that she was denying him the only present he actually wanted. Claire just laughed and told him he would have to be a patient boy and open that particular present later.

She gave him one last lingering kiss, followed by a look of compassionate concern before reminding him to be ready for his birthday date at 5pm sharp. Jamie sighed when he heard the apartment door close behind her, knowing there was no chance his brain would let him fall back to sleep. He already felt the anxious dread combined with the righteous fury returning to his stomach, and knew he would be useless unless he found an outlet for the emotions surging through him. Since his favorite distraction would not be available until that evening, he pulled himself out of bed and got dressed for the gym. 

—

By the time Jamie left the boxing gym, his phone was flooded with text messages and missed calls from family and friends alike, all carrying warm birthday wishes. He swiped open a text in his group chat with Jenny and Ian and clicked open a video Ian had sent. Wee Jamie and Maggie excitedly wished him a happy birthday, talking over each other and getting distracted by one of the horses that was out to graze. Jamie laughed at their antics, overcome by a sudden, sharp longing for Lallybroch. Jenny was due with their third bairn in just a couple of weeks, so a trip home to meet his new nephew or niece would happen soon enough. But that thought, as comforting as it was, felt insufficient. Lallybroch was the one place, save for Claire’s arms, that never failed to bring him back to himself and remind him that there was more to life than whatever trials and tribulations were being thrown at him. True, getting fired from a job he, until recently, had loved was quite a large trial, but he knew the moment he sat astride Donas and rode through the rolling green hills, it would feel small in the face of the beauty that surrounded him. 

Jamie let himself daydream of Lallybroch and all he would show Claire when they went to visit as he walked home. After he made himself more coffee, he spent some time returning messages, appreciating that he had such a large network of people who loved and cared about him enough to bother remembering his birthday. Just as he was finishing up, his phone rang, John Grey’s contact information flashing on the screen. 

“Hello?” Jamie answered.

“Happy birthday, mate!” John cheerily greeted him. “How does it feel to officially be in your late twenties?”

“Och, I would argue that 26 is the last year of my mid-twenties,” Jamie said. “Ye see, 20 tae 22 is early twenties, 23 tae 26 is mid-twenties, and 27 tae 29 is late-twenties. Tis the logical way tae think about it.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself,” John replied with a laugh. “How are you? How are you celebrating this auspicious day?” 

Jamie gave a heavy sigh. He had planned to avoid telling anyone about his job situation today, not wanting to spend his entire day reliving getting fired and talking about how much he hated Brown. But he trusted John to keep it to himself, and he knew that John, much like Claire, would let him wallow but also not let him dwell in his self-pity for too long. 

Jamie spent the next twenty minutes explaining what happened, appreciating that his friend cursed and raged in all of the right places of the story. And being the wealthy, well-connected son of a Duke, John also let out several threats involving investigating Brown for corruption and the like. 

“Do you have any idea of what you will do next?” John asked. “I know you’ve always wanted to open your own store, so maybe it’s time for that?”

Jamie scoffed. “Ye ken I dinna have the money for that yet. If I did, I would have already made it happen. I haven’t really thought through my options yet. I could find another bookstore here in Edinburgh tae manage, of course. But I haven’t heard of anyone hiring, sae I dinna know if that is really an option. I suppose I could get some insufferably boring but well paying desk job tae save money faster,” Jamie reasoned. 

John let out an exasperated sigh at that idea, annoying Jamie. “Weel, what would ye have me do then? I need tae make money, and unless I am missing something, I think those are my only two options. I have a little bit of time, maybe two months, before I would have tae dip into my bookstore savings account, sae I can be patient for a bit, but no for that long,” Jamie rambled. 

“Or you could finally just let me loan you the money for the store and stop being a hard headed dolt about it,” John said calmly. 

“I dinna need tae borrow yer money, John. I value ye too much as a friend tae risk mucking it up by owing ye money,” Jamie said emphatically. “Now, it’s my birthday, and we will not be discussing it more.”

—

Claire made it home from work just after 4pm, giving her under an hour to get ready for Jamie’s birthday date. After her shower, she pulled on a denim mini skirt and paired it with a black and white striped, long sleeve, silk wrap blouse that was elegant but undeniably sexy as well. She quickly settled on wearing her knee high black boots, and with one last quick look in the mirror, was back out the door and on her way to Jamie’s

Jamie opened the door before Claire could even knock, his delicious smell engulfing her, the sight of him making her pulse race. He was wearing a pair of dark wash jeans that hugged him perfectly with a slim fitting white t-shirt underneath a brown trucker jacket. It was just the right blend of casual but stylish, which was how Claire told him to dress for the night’s festivities. 

Claire couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him, letting him fill her senses - from the scent of him to the light scruff on his face scratching against her cheek.

“Mmm,” Claire purred as he pulled away, the hunger plainly showing on his face, which reflected her own thoughts of devouring him then and there. “Happy birthday, my love,” she whispered, kissing him again, this time softly and sweetly before settling herself against his chest. They stood in a contented embrace until Adso waltzed over to them, meowing incessantly for Claire to greet the real man of the house. 

While Claire sat down on the floor to properly say hello to the cat, Jamie let his eyes take her in. As always, her beauty took his breath away. Her hair was down and loose, which meant he would get to spend the entire evening playing with her mesmerizing curls, his most favorite pastime. She was particularly radiant tonight, as well, which put him at ease. The last many weeks had tested them both, and by this time of day, more often than not, they both appeared weary and downtrodden. And now, with both of their job situations uncertain, Jamie suspected that more long days would be coming. But, for tonight, none of it mattered. All he wanted was to take pleasure in her smile, revel in her touch, and show her how much he loved her. 

Claire stood up and brushed some cat hair off of her skirt before she turned toward Jamie, intending to ask him if he was ready to go. But, instead, she was startled by the intensity of his stare and his open expression of love as he looked at her. As their relationship evolved, they were quick to understand the differences in how each of them expressed their emotions. Claire’s face was an open book, unable and unwilling to hide her every thought and feeling from showing on her face. But she struggled with verbally expressing her feelings, more often than not restraining herself from saying what she really felt. She was learning in therapy that while she had probably always struggled to verbalize her feelings, her five year relationship with Frank, where she was almost continuously biting her tongue, was what cemented the behavior. 

Jamie, meanwhile, had no issue speaking his heart - be it words of love and affection or anger and frustration. And, much to Claire’s bemused frustration, he not only said what he felt, but he always seemed to say it perfectly. But he was impossible to read. His face was a mask that hid what he was thinking and gave no hints as to what his reaction to something might be. 

It took them time to understand and appreciate the ways they each showed and shared their love with one another, and while Jamie had certainly looked at Claire with a similar ferocity before, the rarity of such an open expression of love left her breathless and unable to look away.

Before Claire could ask why he was looking at her in such a way, Jamie pulled her into his arms and rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and breathing her in. 

“If ye had told me on my birthday a year ago that I would wake up on my next birthday with my arms wrapped around the love of my life, a woman who I fall more in love with with every passing moment, my entire world changed for the better because she loves me back, I wouldna have believed ye,” Jamie whispered. “I wouldna have believed that I would have been given such a rare woman to love, that one even existed. And despite all of the stuff we have been made tae deal with, Sassenach, this last year has been the best of my life because ye have been at my side, loving me through it all.”

Claire could feel her hot, wet tears sliding down her cheeks as Jamie’s lips covered her own in an intense kiss. There was their usual heat and passion exchanged as their lips and tongues moved together, but also something else, something more. Maybe, Claire thought as Jamie’s kisses trailed down her neck, it was the certainty she felt in that moment that Jamie was her future - a certainty she maybe already understood but was unwilling to admit to herself. Or maybe it was her realization that he felt the same - that whatever came next, whatever next trail, next opportunity, it was with the clear-eyed knowledge that it was the two of them now. 

When they finally separated, no words were necessary. Jamie simply laced his fingers with hers and they headed out to celebrate his birthday together .

—

“Iffrin,” Jamie cursed when the sharp ringing of his phone jolted him awake the next morning. It felt like he and Claire had just drifted off to sleep after ending their night thoroughly sated. 

Claire, ever hostile to mornings, groaned at the commotion and burrowed herself more firmly against Jamie, her naked backside wriggling tortuously against his morning arousal. Jamie, desperate to not lose contact with Claire’s arse, managed to maneuver himself so he could reach his phone that was sitting on the nightstand and still remain pressed against her. 

He had a missed call from Ian as well as a half dozen text messages in his group chat with Jenny and Ian, the first of which had been sent hours ago in the middle of the night. 

1:22AM <<Ian: Jenny might be going into labor. Will update when we know for sure. >>

3:17AM <<Ian: At the hospital now. Still unclear if this is actually labor. >>

3:19AM <<Jenny: Hey, turns out I don’t need your opinions about whether or not I am in labor. Get back in here and tell the nurses to bring me some ice chips.>>

5:36AM <<Ian: headed home. false labor. jenny’s been put on bedrest until baby arrives. this should be fun>>

5:47AM <<Jenny: What do you mean “this should be fun?” Do you think I’m having fun growing your bairn? This is your fault to begin with.>>

6:03AM <<Ian: Meant to send that message just to Jamie.>>

Jamie snorted as he read through the messages, Jenny and Ian being their typical selves. 

“Sassenach?” He asked softly, not sure if Claire had fallen back asleep.

Claire grumbled sleepily and mumbled something that sounded like “What do you need?” Every version of Claire was his favorite version of Claire, but grumpy, sleepy Claire held a very special place in Jamie’s heart.

“Is it okay if I call Ian back? Or should I go tae the other room?”

Claire firmly grabbed his arm that was still draped over her waist, indicating he should stay. 

Jamie waited for Ian to answer, the phone ringing four times before a tired-sounding Ian picked up the call. 

“About time ye call me back,” Ian said by way of greeting. 

“It’s not even 6:30am yet,” Jamie replied, “And ye just called me literally four minutes ago.”

Ian sighed. “Sorry. It was a long night and now I have just a few minutes tae myself before I have tae get the weans ready for school. Thank heavens Mrs. Crook is here this morning.”

“How’s Jenny?” Jamie asked, lazily drawing circles on Claire’s stomach with his fingers, small shots of electricity running through him at the feel of her warm, soft flesh. 

“Cranky, hungry, and exhausted. In that order. I dinna ken how we are going tae survive bedrest. She’s due in just two weeks, but it is going tae be the longest two weeks of my life,” Ian said through a long yawn. 

“What can I do tae help?” Jamie asked, ready to spring into action, just like he always did when it came to his niece and nephew.

“Trade places with me? I’ll come do yer job and live with Claire, and ye can come corral the bairns and tend to Jenny,” Ian suggested, not entirely kidding, Jamie suspected. The mention of his job brought him back to reality, though, and gave him an idea. 

“I have some time off of work,” Jamie said, trying to thread the needle between lying and revealing just enough of the truth. He did have time off of work, permanently, and he would get around to telling Ian and Jenny about what happened soon. “I could actually come stay with ye all for the next few weeks?” 

“How much time off do ye have, man? Ye ken what? I dinna care. Come and stay for as long as ye can. Bring Claire, too, if she can come. Anything tae keep Jenny distracted and tae help me not completely lose my sanity,” Ian replied, clearly relieved that help would be on the way. 

“Let me talk with Claire about it and I will text ye when I have a plan,” Jamie told him. “It might be a day or two before I actually get there.”

“That’s fine. I can survive a day or two more, I hope,” Ian said. “I’m just happy ye will be coming. It’s been too long since ye’ve been home.”

“I ken,” Jamie said. “A lot has been going on. I’ll chat ye up when I get there. Text me if there is anything ye need me tae bring with me.”

They said their goodbyes and Jamie sighed as he snuggled against Claire.

“What’s going on?” Claire asked tiredly, turning in his arms so she could look at him. 

“Ach, Jenny went in tae false labor last night and is now on bedrest until the bairn comes. I told Ian I will go stay at Lallybroch tae help with things while we wait for the babe to make its way in tae the world,” Jamie told her as he brushed some curls off of her forehead. “Ian told me tae bring ye along, if ye are able to.”

Claire leaned in to kiss him, sighing happily as their lips moved together. When they parted, she laid her head on his shoulder and said, “I would love to come with you, but I don’t think I can take that much time off of work. What if I wait until she is in labor, and then I come stay with you all for a few days once the baby is born?” 

“That sounds perfect, Sassenach. Though I am going tae be praying extra hard that this baby comes fast because I hate that we might be apart for sae long. Since I kissed ye on Hogmanay we haven’t been apart for more than a day at most.”

“I think we will survive,” Claire chuckled. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder and what not.”

“Aye,” Jamie grunted, “and makes my cock grow harder, no doubt.”

“Jamie!” Claire scolded teasingly, giving him a light slap on the chest. 

“What? I am already starved for ye, Sassenach, and I canna imagine that two weeks away from ye is going tae help make me anything but completely, ravenously in need of ye,” Jamie said, his hand coming up to play with one of her nipples, making her squirm. 

“Well then, I will be ready for some out-of-this-world reunion sex,” Claire said with a smirk, her own hand drifting lower. 

“Ye dinna have tae work today, right?” Jamie gasped as her hand slowly began to stroke him. 

“No work today. Why do you ask?” Claire answered, feigning ignorance. 

Jamie rolled Claire on to her back, his teeth sinking into the flesh between her neck and shoulder, causing Claire to squeal in delight. “That’s why, Sassenach. I plan tae have my way with ye all day. I need tae get my fill before I leave.”

“I suppose I can get on board with that,” Claire wheezed as Jamie’s mouth went from biting her neck to lightly biting one of her nipples while his fingers slid against her already wet core. 

From there, their conversation moved exclusively to pants and groans with the occasional exclamations of pleasure and passion. No other words were needed when their bodies could so effectively elicit such clear sounds of euphoria from one another. 

Chapter Text

On day six of his visit to Lallybroch, Jamie was pretty sure he had enough evidence to sue Jenny for emotional damages. He loved his sister, his trip home a testament to how much he cared for her and her family, but her already sharp tongue had only been made more exacting thanks to the trials and tribulations of near full-term pregnancy. He and Ian were rotating tending to her, trying their best to spread out her frustration and ire among the two of them, while the other would tend to the bairns or oversee work on the farm, making sure the small farm staff had what they needed to do their work. Never before had Jamie been so thankful for Mrs. Crook, the longtime nanny-housekeeper that Jenny and Ian employed. With her help, the three of them were able to keep the bairns fed, out of trouble, and dressed in clean clothes; and the house some semblance of clean and organized, though probably not to Jenny’s precise standards. He had always known his sister was a wonder, but only fully understood her true power and skill when it was temporarily unavailable to them. 

Jamie had just left Jenny and Ian’s room after bringing her an afternoon snack (that she, thankfully, accepted without complaint), when he heard wee Jamie and Maggie run through the door, just as they arrived home from school and daycare.

“Uncle Jamie!” Wee Jamie shouted. “Where are you? You said we could play football when I got home!”

“No, stupid!” Maggie yelled. “Uncle Jamie is going to play zoo with me. He promised!”

Jamie chuckled to himself as he walked down the stairs, psyching himself up for another afternoon of playing, homework, dinner, and bedtime routines. 

“Hey ye wee gremlins,” Jamie said, finding them in the kitchen, distracted in their search for him by Mrs. Crook’s homemade banana bread. “Stop yer shouting. Yer mam needs her rest and when ye yell yer heads off, that doesna help her stay relaxed.”

“Sorry, Uncle Jamie,” they said in unison, their words garbled thanks to their mouthfuls of banana bread. 

Jamie sat with them while they enjoyed their afterschool snack, treating himself to his own piece of banana bread drizzled with honey as he caught up on the daily gossip from Maggie’s daycare and wee Jamie’s elementary school. He then skillfully negotiated to play football with wee Jamie first, promising Maggie that for the next two days they would play zoo first. She drove a hard bargain and Jamie was relieved that he was able to mitigate a potential meltdown. 

After the usual chaotic, exhausting, fun afternoon and evening, Jamie flung his tired body onto the couch, groaning happily as the tension left his body. Ian was still reading wee Jamie his bedtime stories, but Maggie was fast asleep, and Jenny was content enough watching one of those reality TV shows that he could never remember the name of. Glancing at the large grandfather clock in the corner of the room, Jamie grabbed his phone to call Claire. She was working at her garden plot after work, but she would be home by now.

The video call rang a few times before Claire’s smile greeted him. It hadn’t even been a week and he missed her in ways that were almost impossible to explain. Despite his days being filled with the love of his family (even when they were driving him wild), he could feel Claire’s physical absence in his body. A hollow, unmoored feeling that, when he had a moment to himself, left him rattled by its strength. He never knew it was possible to ache for someone the way he did for Claire. Not sexually (although that too), but just the need to be in her proximity. For her touch to soothe him. Her heartbeat to steady him. Maybe he had grown too dependent on her nearness, but who was he to deny the truth of his heart?

“Hi love,” Claire said as she settled onto the couch in her apartment. “How was your day? How is Jenny?”

Jamie launched into sharing the happenings of the day, including having no major news about Jenny or the baby. All signs pointed to it still being several more days until she went into labor, and if not, she was scheduled to be induced in ten days. For his own sanity, Jamie was hoping that it wouldn’t take another week and a half. Claire laughed at his stories about wee Jamie and Maggie, and, like she did every night this past week, reminded him how he was such a good brother, uncle, and friend for all he was doing to help. And, like he did every night, Jamie brushed off the compliment, saying it was his responsibility to see his family safe and well, so it was nothing to be praised for. And then Claire would roll her eyes and call him a stubborn Scot. 

Claire then shared about her day at work (slow, boring), her job search (no updates, frustratingly), and the garden (her lavender and mint were starting to come in). Jamie watched her light up as she talked about the garden, glad that there was something bringing her so much joy in this moment of uncertainty. 

There was a lull in their conversation, and Claire gave him a small, sad smile. “I miss you,” she said softly. “It’s not the same, without you here with me and Adso.”

Jamie sighed. “Aye, I miss ye too, Sassenach. And that wee beast. It feels like I am missing a piece of me and only ye are going tae be able to make me feel whole.”

“Same, love. Plus, I didn’t realize how dependent I’ve become on your body heat to help me sleep at night,” Claire said with a smirk. 

“Oh, is that it then? Ye just miss your personal furnace? Well I’m not sure I miss yer ice cold feet pressing intae my calves,” Jamie teased, attempting and failing to look mad. “Ah, I canna even pretend. I really do miss yer popsicle toes and making sure ye stay warm.”

“We will be back together soon. In the meantime, tell me more about this zoo you and Maggie are creating. What role should I be ready to play when I come visit your imaginary zoo?”

—

Three days later, just as Jamie was about to go pick up the bairns from school, he heard Jenny shouting loudly from upstairs. Ian was on the farm, helping clean out the horse stables, and Mrs. Crook was out buying groceries, leaving Jamie to look after Jenny. He sprinted up the stairs to find Jenny standing in the hallway, clutching the banister as she doubled over in pain. 

“Jenny?” He asked, rushing to her side. “What’s happening? Is it time?”

“No, I just decided tae start shouting and screaming in pain just for fun, ye dolt,” Jenny panted between gritted teeth. “Of course it’s time. My waters broke and the contractions are coming in strong.”

Jamie rubbed her back as she tried to steady her breathing. “Okay, I am going tae call Ian and tell him tae get his arse back here and get ye tae the hospital, and then I will call the school and daycare and let them ken that I will be late tae pick up the bairns.”  

Jenny nodded her approval of his plan. She was a woman who loved a plan and Jamie knew despite everything that was about to happen, she appreciated knowing that the most important things would still be taken care of. 

From there, the next few hours were a whirlwind. Jenny was at the hospital with Ian, the baby apparently still several hours away from arrival, according to her doctor. Jamie and Mrs. Crook, meanwhile, were tag teaming household and childcare responsibilities, making sure things were clean and in order for when they welcomed the new baby home. The bairns were excited when they heard that their new sibling was on their way, and spent the entire afternoon fighting back and forth about whether or not they would have a new brother or a new sister. 

In between the chaos, Jamie had found a few moments to call Claire to let her know the baby was on their way. It was a Friday afternoon and she was already off through Monday, so Claire quickly booked herself a train ticket for the next day while also texting Geillis, begging her friend to help get Claire’s hospital shifts covered through the following Friday. And then she needed to make sure Rabbie McNab could watch Adso while she was gone. Jamie laughed to himself as Claire sprang into action, seeing to all of the logistics. Much like his sister, his lass loved a plan and could conjure one effortlessly. 

As he got ready for bed that night, knowing that he would be too anxious to actually sleep, Jamie’s mind settled on the happy thought that he and Claire would be reunited tomorrow and that he would finally get to introduce her to the other most important people in his life. 

—

The four hour train ride dragged on and on. Claire kept fidgeting nervously in her seat, watching the stunning Scottish landscape pass by in a blur. Jenny was still in labor, at least as of a half hour ago when Jamie sent her an update, and while she was certainly anxious for happy news, she was also anxious to meet Jamie’s entire family. Having a family was such a foreign concept to her. She and Lamb certainly were their own little family, but their transient existence and Lamb’s relaxed parenting approach meant it often felt like they were friends more than family, especially as she grew older. And Frank, like Claire, didn’t come with much family. His parents, whom she had met just twice in five years, were oppressively snobby and formal people, lacking any sort of familial warmth, even with their only son. So, walking into Jamie’s childhood home, where his family’s history ran deep, and meeting the two people who certainly knew him better than she did, was intimidating. She hoped to have a future with Jamie, whatever that might mean or look like, and given how much he loved his family, it was important to her that they accepted and loved her, if only for his sake. 

The train conductor finally announced Claire’s stop, and before she stood up to collect her bags and join the queue of departing passengers, she took one last deep, steadying breath, letting her mind conjure up an image of Jamie’s smiling face that would be waiting for her just past the platform exit. 

Bless her strapping, red-haired man, Claire thought when she easily spotted him among the crowd of people coming and going in the train station terminal. He was impossible to miss, and her heartbeat quickened and her nerves settled at the sight of him. He was scanning the crowd eagerly looking for her and she knew the moment he’d found her, his entire face lighting up in that smile she’d learned was just for her. 

Jamie’s long strides meant that he was in her arms just seconds after their eyes had locked across the station, both of them holding each other tightly, as if they had been apart for years instead of just ten days. 

“Ye’re a sight for sore eyes, Sassenach,” Jamie said with a happy sigh. 

Claire pulled back and stared at his face for a few moments, a small, shy smile on her face. His returning stare was intense and filled with love, and butterflies erupted in her stomach the longer their eyes held one another. Claire wondered if the giddy, lightheaded feeling that she got in his presence would ever go away. She hoped not. 

Claire tilted her face upward, letting her lips oh-so-softly connect with Jamie’s. He wasn’t very interested in such gentleness, it seemed, his hands decisively pulling her hips against his while his tongue sought urgent entry into her mouth. Claire lost all sense of where they were and pressed her body flush against his, her arms wrapping around his neck and her fingers grasping at his hair. Only when Jamie let out a telltale growl of desperate need, his lips and teeth moving assertively down her neck, did Claire gain enough clarity to stop him from going further. Jamie whined at being made to pause, causing Claire to laugh.

“Sorry, lover boy. I missed you, but not so much that I am willing to get ticketed for public indecency,” Claire said, moving to pick up one of her bags. Jamie beat her to it though, and picked up both of the bags she had hastily dropped to the ground at the sight of him. 

Jamie gave her his patented Scottish sound of frustration and irritation but grabbed her hand as they started to walk toward the car park. “Indecent is a polite word for what I plan tae do tae ye the second we have some uninterrupted time, Sassenach,” he said with a smirk. “I have had ten full days tae consider, in great detail, mind ye, what I want tae do tae ye the next time I have ye naked and willing.” Jamie’s voice was sinfully low and husky as they arrived at the car. He turned to look at her, his eyes smoldering with heat and promise. 

Claire, already flushed from their reunion kiss, felt her cheeks flame and her core flood with molten heat at his words and his look. As much as she wanted to give him a sultry, cheeky reply, her brain had gone completely blank except for the part that was screaming at her to jump him then and there. She pushed him back against the car and languorously stretched her body against his before brushing her lips on his. “I’m already ready,” she purred, “but unfortunately not naked just yet. Maybe if you are a good boy, I will be willing to make your dreams come true later tonight.”

With one last scorching kiss, Claire left Jamie standing dazed against the car while she climbed into the passenger seat. 

—

Jamie had shown her many pictures of Lallybroch. Of its vast, green fields, acres of crops, and herds of farm animals. Of the house that looked more like a castle from the outside, but whose inside was warm and welcoming. And yet, as they drove up the long, winding drive to the main house, Claire was speechless upon seeing the true breadth and beauty of the place. At the sight of it alone, she understood Jamie on a deeper level. His industriousness, his commitment to family, his souldeep love of nature. It all made even more sense as she absorbed Lallybroch’s vast expanse. She had never seen a place like it, and was overwhelmed at how emotional she was, seeing the place where Jamie grew up and still called home. 

Claire was only half listening to Jamie as he pointed out different parts of the yard (which Claire found to be an inadequate word for the truly neverending landscape before her), where he and Ian got into all sorts of mischief as kids. The moment the car was parked, Claire heard yells of excitement growing closer, accompanied by the sound of running feet on the gravel drive. 

“Uncle Jamie! Uncle Jamie! Ye were gone for ages! What took ye sae long? Is this Claire? Can we have lunch? Did mam have the baby yet? Can we have ice cream after dinner tonight?”

Wee Jamie and Maggie were shouting a million unrelated questions at their uncle as he climbed out of the car and grabbed Claire’s bags from the trunk. Claire noticed Jamie’s expression of amused happiness as his niece and nephew ran circles around him asking him questions and updating him on what he missed in the hour he was away. 

“Calm down, ye wee menaces,” Jamie said loudly but serenely above their chatter. “I want tae introduce ye tae my girlfriend, Claire,” he said, taking Claire’s hand in his and kissing the back of it. “Claire, this here is wee Jamie, and that is Maggie.”

Claire gave them both a warm smile as they looked at her with curiosity. “It’s so nice to meet you both!” Claire said. “Your uncle has told me so much about you and I am excited to spend some time with you this week.”

“What’s wrong with her voice, Uncle Jamie?” Maggie asked, apparently never having heard an English accent. 

Before Jamie could answer, wee Jamie chimed in. “Don’t ye remember da telling us she was a sassenach? They have funny accents is all,” wee Jamie told his sister before turning to address Claire. Meanwhile, Jamie and Claire were both fighting back laughter. 

“Uncle Jamie says ye like tae play football. Want tae come play with me?”

Claire’s heart lightened at the quick offer to play. “I would love to, though I have to admit that I am not very good.”

“That’s okay! Uncle Jamie isn’t either but it’s more fun than playing alone,” wee Jamie said with a shrug. 

Jamie twisted his face in mock offense. “I am quite good, thank ye verra much. But before ye go play, we need tae let Claire get settled in and ye two need tae eat some lunch.”

At the promise of food, the kids ran happily inside, leaving Jamie and Claire to follow more slowly behind them. 

—

The next hour was a complete whirlwind, complete with a rambunctious lunch with Uncle Jamie’s cheese toasties and tomato soup, followed by wee Jamie and Maggie giving Claire a tour of the house, which mostly focused on their rooms and where they kept their favorite toys. Just as they were about to go back outside to play football, Jamie’s phone chimed with a new text message.

Claire saw his face light up with a huge smile and his eyes well with tears. He looked up from his phone, seeking Claire, who he scooped up in a happy hug. 

“I am assuming this means you officially have a new niece or nephew?” Claire asked with laughter in her voice as Jamie lifted her off of the ground. 

“Aye, Sassenach. A wee niece named Kathrine, or Kitty as Ian’s message says. Take a look,” Jamie set her down and handed her his phone so she could see the two pictures Ian sent - one of Jenny and Kitty, and one of Kitty alone, wearing the hat that Jamie had knitted for her at Christmas. 

“Oh she’s beautiful, Jamie,” Claire said breathlessly. “Congratulations,” she added, handing his phone back to him and kissing his cheek. 

“Congratulations tae ye too, Sassenach,” Jamie smiled.

“Me? Whatever for?”

“Ye’re part of our family, too, Sassenach, sae that means ye have a new niece as well,” Jamie told her as he walked over to the stairs, probably to see what was taking wee Jamie and Maggie so long to bring down the sunscreen. 

The casual way Jamie spoke of her having a new niece too was contradictory to the profound weight she felt in her body at the idea that he considered her part of his family. Claire didn’t really know how to be a part of a family, but the idea of having a group of people to call her own, and that called her theirs, was something she desperately wanted and never believed she would have. She could only hope that Jenny and Ian and the kids would want her to become a part of their family too. Claire trusted her love for Jamie and his love for her, and saw him as her family, but it felt mind-boggling to think that she would so easily become part of his larger family unit. 

The kids came running down the stairs at Jamie’s calling, each of them holding a bottle of sunscreen, arguing about which was the right one. 

“Change of plans,” Jamie said, taking the proffered bottles of sunscreen from each bairn. “Yer mam has had the baby and we are going tae the hospital tae meet yer new sister,” Jamie told them with a smile.

“A sister?” Wee Jamie groaned. 

“Aye, and ye will not be using that tone when ye see yer parents or meet the baby,” Jamie said sternly. “Ye are lucky tae have not one but two sisters now, and as the oldest sibling, I expect ye tae be a big help tae yer mam and da.”

Wee Jamie nodded, the look on his face suggesting it was not the first time he had heard this little speech of Jamie’s. Meanwhile, Maggie was bouncing up and down happily at the news of having a sister, and she was tugging on Jamie’s hand so they could leave for the hospital immediately. 

“Let’s goooooooo,” Maggie pleaded, trying to pull Jamie to the door. “I wanna meet my sissssttteeer.”

“Hold yer horses,” Jamie laughed. “We need tae make sure we grab the gifts we got for yer mam and sister sae we can give them tae them.”

At that reminder, both kids sprinted out of the room, no doubt to wherever they had hidden their gifts. 

“Is there anything else we need to bring with us? Snacks in case the kids get hungry? Anything for Jenny or Ian?” Claire asked, wanting to be helpful. 

“Aye,” Jamie said, grateful for a moment of quiet to think. “Why don’t ye go intae the pantry and grab some snacks for the bairns and us, Sassenach. Jenny has it all clearly labeled sae it will be easy tae find the snack shelf. And I’ll call Mrs. Crook tae let her know the baby is here. She’s off until Monday, but she said tae call once the wee bean arrived.”

Gifts wrangled, snacks acquired, and phone calls made, the four of them loaded into the car and started the thirty minute drive to the hospital. Along the way, Claire won both of the kids over by singing aloud loudly with the Encanto soundtrack, much to Jamie’s amusement. 

“How do ye even ken these songs, Sassenach?” He asked when there was a lull in the singing. 

“I work as a pediatric nurse, Jamie! There’s barely a shift that goes by where I don’t walk into at least one patient room where they are either watching the movie or playing the music. I might have only watched the movie fully once, but I have probably heard some of these songs hundreds of times thanks to my patients,” Claire told him.

“I should have realized, Sassenach. I think I have been underutilizing this skill set of yers - both yer knowledge of things bairns love, and yer singing skills,” He gave her a quick look, a small grin on his face, before turning his eyes back to the road.

“And what exactly would you need to use my “singing” skills for?” Claire inquired, her emphasis on singing suggesting she didn’t think it much of a skill.

“Tis not appropriate for me tae say with the bairns in the car, Sassenach. But let’s just say the way ye sing all primly and properly does something tae my body.”

Claire blushed and rolled her eyes. “I don’t know if I even want to know the rest of that thought.”

“Just dinna be surprised if the next time we’re alone I ask ye tae sing tae me, lass.”