Archive of Our Own ^beta

"I wasn't talking about you."

The words echoed through his mind. Edwin had probably just denied the first relationship of his life afterlife, for jealousy. Jealousy that would sting his eyes for possibly a long, long time. Jealousy that stemmed from the names;

 'Charles and Crystal! Charles and Crystal. Charles and Crystal?'

The realization had set in far too early for Edwin, they were in love with each other. That, or they were simply... Interested, in each other's bodies. Edwin had only thought that him and Charles were only each other's best friend for the longest time. He had never considered the possibility of his feelings being more, for Charles. 

Edwin felt sick at the thought, if that was even possible. He was never supposed to feel like this. It was immoral. It was wrong. Even in Death, it could be considered a sin.

It was lust. It was a sin. 

Nothing could justify it; The way he felt. Too many hours of his (rather short) life had been spent educating him on the repercussions of these thoughts. His school, their school, especially, had taught him to rid of his Desires.

Specifically for men.

Niko was the one who had first brought it up to him; that it was okay to explore feelings like these, finally. She told him that he was welcome to read up on these feelings, and how he could reciprocate in the case that one had fell for him.

Except he didn't want to reciprocate for any of the people trying to pursue him. Especially the Cat King. The Cat King was a vile man, humorous at best. The way he moved, the way he tried to whisper words against Edwin's ear, the way he had trapped Edwin for his own use. It was disgusting. He was disgusting. 

Charles knew, too. He knew about the way the Cat King had tried to touch Edwin without his consent.

"'Fair and consensual' my ass- Edwin, do you have no clue what that twat wants from you?!"

That night he had barely revealed any of the times the man had contacted him, Charles was angry. He was certifiably enraged. He saw his face, it was contorted, lips turned in whatever the exact opposite of a smile was.

It was rare, and bone-chilling to see Charles angry, it happened far too often now. He had his smile memorized, the way his eyes squinted, the way his teeth showed when he was truly enjoying something. He should've known sooner, the way he felt.

It was cruel, almost. The way Charles would let upon him small touches. The way their hands would linger with each others, the way he would hug him in a way that their necks fit together, the way that occasionally, he would brush his hands across Edwin's waist -- And it was far too confusing. 

But knowing Edwin, one thing could lead to another, another leading to Pandora's Box.

He was sure, the way Charles felt for Crystal Palace was much more than what Edwin felt for him. He could never compare to her. She was special, she had amazing interesting traits to her, like how she could read someone's thoughts, someone's history with just the brush of a hand. She was magical. Literally.

Of course Charles loved her -- How could he not?

Edwin, was just... Edwin. A know-it-all, annoying, rude, cold, un-sociable. To be fair, he wasn't even attractive. He could go on for hours about everything anyone had ever said to him. He knew it was true, he knew that he was truly just a cruel person. He just couldn't stop.

But now, here he was, reconciling at the beach. His coat was gone. He had never gone without his coat, or even the grey one that rested underneath it. He was there, vest, pants, and white button up only.

It was weird, being alone. Maybe it was weird being himself.

His feet patter, only to him, as he walks down the steps leading toward the sand. One of the only things ghosts could sense in Death, was smell. It smelt of salt, sand, seaweed.

All things he had never experienced before Port Townsend. He grew up around London, he was a city-boy. Never getting out of the major cities around his area, due to his family. When he was alive, his family was fairly wealthy. His death was everywhere, yet no one cared to look into it.

Edwin Paine. Merely a bug under his father, Ernest Jon Paine's, shoe.

He knew why no one cared. He was different. Weird, unreliable, pansy, Edwin. 

He almost trips over a rock, something he didn't know he could do. His shoe kicks sand into the air, a dusty cloud forming. The sand clears, and he continues forward. He was searching for sea glass, red sea glass.

He needed to see the Washer Woman again, he needed to sort out his feelings. He remembered the way she looked at him, she knew Edwin had thought to ask something more. She reminded him of his mother, when she was alive.

He didn't like to think about it.

She was alive for such a short time, that he never even knew her name. She had died when he was eight, died of 'consumption'. She looked so dull. So pale, cancerous.

Edwin shuddered at the thought, scanning the colourful ground for any sign of red. Greens, blues, and browns all blurred, his lips pursing. The sand looks serene with all the colors that swirled in it. His mind almost entirely blanks when he sees a large, darker coloured red piece. Perfect.

He grabs the piece, sand dusting out from his hands. The sun glows yellowish-orange on his skin, a hazy glow emitting from the red to coat his fingers. He turns, his arms veering toward the sun. Edwin adjusts the glass until the sun hits it, closing his eyes to shield out the patterns that follow as a red gleam consumes his body. 

A superficial humming sound buzzes in his ear as he's transported to the vision. Her eyes peer toward Edwin, blood leaking from her fingertips. 

"You are back." The Washer Woman's voice echoes as if their is a harmony behind it.

Edwin swallows.

"I am," He pockets the sea glass. "I have come to ask something."

"I shalt guess as such, younger one." She squeezes the blood-covered rag onto the rocks, a strong coppery smell oozing from her direction. "Ask me." 

"I, uhm.." He clears his throat, looking down, away from her. "I need to know if- If the person I have loved, loves me as such."

She hums.

"Young man, in times such as these; bethink of times past, think of times external. 

Many days pass, your craving of touch with power is externed.

Be fast, act quickly. Time is not gentle to learn.  

See his appearance, look at thee." She says each word calmly, with poise. The woman glares at Edwin, snapping her finger.

"What?" He stands in the sand, hand still holding the glass.

It's just a vision. It's always just a vision. A Dream, at that. 

But he knew what it meant. He knew what some of the words meant, at least. The way she hummed, she had a feeling he would return and ask for that. He knew why she said it.

Act quickly. 

He knew that meant to tell him, to find out what his answer would be. And he knew to do, exactly that, no matter the repercussions. 

-

He had utterly fucked up. He had let himself slip up with that godforsaken Cat King. He had been seduced. Desired, by a man so much older than him. He hated himself for how many times he would let himself go recently.

Edwin swears himself to never let that man trick him again, even though he had said that so many times before. His eyes blurred at the thought of betraying his friends like Monty had him. It was cruel. The world was cruel. It had been, and always was; for how many times he had died, physically, mentally, he should've always expected it.

But it was worse. He had people he cared for now, and someone he loved. Someone he could never afford to lose. Edwin's entire body shuddered as if there was a way for him to be cold. He knew what he needed to do, he knew why their walk back to town was so silent.

Edwin was unworthy of their attention. He knew as such. 

And that is why he was quiet.

"...I'd call it The Crystal Shroom Persuasion." Charles smiles, his voice fading into reality as he leans against the fireplace's side opposite of Edwin. 

"Hmm," Edwin hums, biting the inside of his cheek. "Something more direct... Like, The Crystal Method."

"Well, I'm glad to have a method named after me, finally." Crystal laughs. 

"Yes," He smiles. "And I must apologize for my... Behavior, today. I have not quite been myself, as of late."

"Wow." She smirks. "An apology. Very rare, Edwin."

He leans closer toward her face. "Do not get used to it." 

"Well." She cuts him off. "I'll be leaving now, Niko needs to know you two are doing alright."

Edwin watches as Crystal walks off, the faint scent of an expensive perfume following. He turns around to Charles, tracing over the smile that graces his face as she walks away. Right. Every moment was a constant reminder of how bittersweet Charles' happiness was. 

"Right." Edwin turns. "Charles, I really do apologize for getting us into these circumstances."

"What?" Charles laughs breathlessly. "You didn't get us into this. What are you talking about?"

"My personal altercation with Monty dragged us into this," He takes a breath. "And for that, I must apologize."

Charles smiles awkwardly. 

"It's not your fault, mate." He turns on his heel, placing a hand on Edwin's shoulder. "Know that it's not your fault, please?"

Edwin smiles, nodding silently. Charles releases his shoulders, letting him walk into the bay window that rested to his right side. Edwin swallows, maybe, no, definitely unnecessarily. There was never a need to swallow, or to gasp. It was reactionary. He knew that. He knew it from the way he would wince at Crystal's comments on Charles, the way he would let out a tension-filled sigh whenever Charles hugged him, it was always strange.

"Charles?" He calls out almost silently.

"Hm?"

"I, uhm.." He purses his lips, pulling his hands up to fumble with them. "It is quite unusual for me to-"

"Apologize? I know." Charles laughs, approaching Edwin. "Still gobsmacked about that one, mate."

"No, not that." He sighs. "I find myself- I find myself attached to- Monty unearthed some... Feelings within me."

"You could've told me you liked him." Charles smiles, placing his hands upon Edwin's collarbone, which is covered by his sweater. "So, that's why you dressed up all nice today, huh?"

Edwin smiles.

"Not that either." He laughs softly. "I've been realizing that I..."

Edwin blinks, hard, smiling awkwardly.

"Charles, I am- Utterly infatuated by you. I have been, for quite some time. I was jealous- No, I am jealous, jealous of Crystal. You, Charles Rowland, have made me realize that I would like to be much more than friends. I have been lost in your eyes for as long as I can possibly remember and I-" 

He takes a gasp of air.

 "Charles Rowland, I am completely, utterly, and hopelessly in love with you."

Charles inhales sharply through his teeth, a whistling sound emitting from his lips. His entire face reads as numb, numb but shocked. Edwin closes his mouth, his nails digging into his palm. It was a mistake, he knew it was.

But as much as it was a mistake, it was truth. 

Charles opens his mouth, his lips parting with a stutter, it's cold, almost. Edwin steps back knowingly. Charles' hands tighten on his collarbone, his thumbs brushing over the barely tangible ridges that rested just under his neck. Edwin swallows, a shallow wave of fear washing over him. Charles moves his hands down to the collar of Edwin's sweater, gripping it tight, immediately pulling up and forward toward himself.

Edwin huffs out a small breath before he's pulled so close to Charles, he swears he could feel a heartbeat. Charles bites his lip, before pushing his lips quickly against Edwin's. It feels natural, too natural, almost, like their lips are some sort of puzzle assigned by the Gods themselves. Charles pulls back shakily, a hand raising toward his own mouth, fingers gracing his lips with a sigh. 

"I can feel it, and like- Taste it." He mutters, almost too quiet to hear. "I can feel you." 

Edwin stares, shocked to his core. 

"Charles, I-"

He's cut off by another kiss, this time, more aggressive, Edwin's back slamming to the drywall with a loud thud. Charles pushes a knee to the wall to keep himself steady as he frantically grabs at Edwin's collar, who in turn closes his eyes. Edwin wraps his hands around Charles' neck, a light breath spreading out across Charles mouth.

He was sure that ghosts could blush, and even if they couldn't, he would be.

Edwin lets out a small noise, closest to a whine as a cold gust of air brushes past him. Charles bites at his lower lip gently, avoiding closing his mouth. Edwin panics internally, parting his lips as he gasps for air (that he truthfully, doesn't need). Edwin busily grabs the back of Charles' hair, a small smile forming across his face.

He feels Charles' hand loop into his, dropping from his shoulder. He feels the hand let go, Charles pulling back to run a hand through Edwins hair, before immediately delving back in with a small gasp. The room feels warm. Too warm. Edwin loves, and hates the feeling of having temperature come back for him. He pulls back from Charles to just... Stare at him.

"I apologize if I am- Er- Inexperienced. I never got the chance to try anything in my life."

Charles laughs.

"Aces with me. Just means I get to teach you more." 

Edwin smiles, a heat coming to where Charles' hand is pressed into his neck. He pushes his lips against Charles', breaking the silence with a small gasp again. The same thing repeats, over, and over to make up for all the years they had lost to longing.

"Woah. Okay, what the actual fuck?" Crystal's voice echoes into the room.

Crystal. Crystal was back.

Edwin pulls back awkwardly, pushing himself back up onto his feet while dusting off his shirt. He was sure that his hair was out of its usual style by now, an unfortunate side effect of ghosts, was that they could interact with each other almost like they were humans. He clears his throat, trying his hardest to not look behind him.

"Hello, Crystal." He greets her, his voice shaky and high-pitched. 

"Okay, yeah- You don't get to make out in my room, and then act like nothing happened." She laughs. "Sorry for cockblocking, but get the fuck out of my room."

Edwin blinks.

"How long have you been standing there?" Charles points, suspenders fallen on one side.

"For like, a hot minute." She says, sternly. "But you were too busy trying to get in each other's pants, that you didn't hear me clearing my throat."

Edwin tenses lightly.

"Well," He turns to face Charles. "We best be on our merry way. We apologize, Crystal."

"Right- Uhm.. Yeah, sorry for uh- Snogging my best mate in your room." Charles rubs the back of his neck, and starts adjusting the fallen suspender.

"Please, do not call me those informalities as of right now." Edwin mutters through his teeth, glaring at Charles.

"Okay. Out, shoo." She waves toward the door. "At least like- Go on the roof or something."

Charles laughs.

"Will do."

Their arguing voices drown out as Edwin pulls the sea glass from his pocket, staring at the red prism. His hands are shivering, but he stares past it, and into the mesmerizing red colour.

He wondered for the longest time, what he would've done if he hadn't died.

He could care even less, now.