Archive of Our Own ^beta

The distant crack of fireworks is all it takes. Collei jerks awake in the darkness, heart slamming against her ribs, cold sweat plastering her hair to her forehead.

She sucks in a deep, calming breath, and holds it, counting down before exhaling like Master Tighnari taught her. It still takes a long moment for Collei to gather her panicky thoughts and make sense of where she is.

The single bed, the canvas travel packs near the door, the open window overlooking a foreign landscape of still, brackish water, sandbars, and swaying horsetail grass. Her surroundings are unfamiliar, but she's not in immediate danger. Her Vision, bow, and quiver of arrows are hanging next to her shawl on the wall if she needs them. Her body is alert and all her senses are keyed for action. 

Reality trickles in slowly like muddy rain filling the irrigation ditches she dug with the Rangers last growing season. This is not the humid, sweltering rainforest of Gandharva Ville that she's grown so accustomed to – she's visiting Liyue, renting a room in Wangshu Inn to experience her first ever Lantern Rite, with Amber.

Amber.

Collei watches a groggy Amber stir into wakefulness beside her with a sick thrill of guilt. “Shh, it's okay, go back to sleep,” Collei whispers desperately, but to no avail.

Her shoulders sag in defeat as Amber blinks at her, then slowly sits up. It's her fault. 

“What's wrong...?” Amber murmurs, face pale and voice still thick with sleep. Her untied hair falls loose around her shoulders and down her back, wild and tangled. “Is your Eleazar...?”

“No, not since Lesser Lord Kusanali's return,” Collei reassures her with a weak smile. Of course Amber is still worried about the remnants of her condition. She fidgets automatically with her hands, thoughtlessly rubbing the raised, bumpy scar where the hated black scales once grew. “I just... I think someone set off some firecrackers in the marsh. The sound startled me. Sorry.”

Amber makes a discontented noise, frowning as she gazes out of the small window to judge the position of the moon against the backdrop of Liyue's starry sky.  

“It's awfully late for that... Inconsiderate of them. Probably a tourist. You know, even Klee knows better than to set off any bombs after nightfall, and she's just a little kid. Adults should know better.”

Collei shrinks in on herself, hugging her arms around her chest. She's staring at their matching plushies, Cuilein-Anbar and Baron Bunny, positioned together at the foot of the bed they're sharing to watch over them. It brings her some small measure of comfort to have the dolls in view, but clearly not enough to make her actually relax.

Further out, the cry of some nocturnal water bird that Collei doesn't recognize sounds, reminding her how uncomfortably far she is from Sumeru.

If it wasn't a stray noise that set her off, it would have been a bad dream, or an unconscious Amber rolling onto her side of the bed, or a plushie falling to the floor, or – Collei rarely, if ever, sleeps through the night. She knew it would be a problem. She's always the problem. 

“Sorry for waking you,” Collei apologizes miserably, curling into a ball so she takes up even less space. “You were nice enough to choose an inn far away from the Harbor so that we wouldn't hear the big fireworks show, but they didn't have any rooms with two beds left so you're stuck sharing with me, and I'm... like this. Still. Sorry.”

Amber leans over and places a grounding hand on Collei's shoulder, careful to make her movements slow and visible, as though taming some feral sumpter beast she doesn't want to frighten.

“I'm glad you're here, Collei,” Amber promises, her tone so warm and reassuring that Collei immediately wants to cry.

Her eyes sting with hot humiliation as she stubbornly blinks back the wave of emotion. Restlessly, Collei chews on her lower lip, picks at the skin of her arms, scratches the pocked Eleazar marks until they're red and raw. Amber's hand rubs her shoulder, then the tensed muscles of her back, trying to impart her earnest care.

"I want to make kites with you, and watch the lanterns in the sky, and make nice memories," Amber says. "I'm not going to stop loving you no matter how many times you wake me up. You don't have to worry so much about things you have no control over... Okay?"

Amber smooths back her messy bangs with a palm, and gently presses her lips to Collei's damp forehead.

Her hands, her mouth, her breath against Collei's cheek, all of Amber is so impossibly warm. She burns from within, a blazing bonfire that welcomes everyone to her light. Even her touch communicates enthusiasm and acceptance of all her flaws. Collei wants to throw herself onto those flames and be consumed. She screws her eyes shut and holds her breath, freezing in place as though moving would break the spell.

The night air is uncomfortably chilly against her clammy skin when Amber's heat withdraws, making a shiver zip down the curve of Collei's spine. She draws the sheets more closely to her chest, wanting to duck her head underneath and hide, but resisting the anxious impulse.

Amber's here. She doesn't hide from Amber. 

“It's just like getting a gliding license! If at first you don't succeed, you try again!” Amber chirps, her usual optimistic Outrider self. Even in the darkness, Collei can tell Amber is smiling. “Let's try one more time, together. Breathe along with me, okay? Inhale... Exhale...!”

As their heads sink into their pillows and Amber leads her through the familiar calming exercise, Collei shyly slides her scarred, crooked hand into Amber's. Amber's fingers squeeze around hers in easy reciprocation. She's so grateful Amber is in her life again.

Even if Collei can't fall asleep again, it's all right. All her fears appear less daunting when Collei doesn't have to face them alone.