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Chapter Text

Chapter Text

I am laying on my bed in my cell and counting the cracks in the wall for probably the millionth time this week. I hear some shouting outside and try hard to zone it out.“Just another persons time to get floated” That was until my door opens and Doctor Griffin quickly walks in. “I still have four pills left, I don’t need a refill yet” I tell her confused while getting off the bed. Abby grabs my writs, pulls a pill bottle out of her pocket and slides it into my hand “This is the remaining suppressants you have already paid for. I wanted to give them to you before you left, it will be up to you to figure out what to do after these are gone.” What does she mean “before you left” I looked at the bottle then back at Abby and before I can get one of the many questions out, I feel a sting in my neck and the world turned black.

I wake up and look down to see that I am strapped in a chair and immediately start to panic. I feel trapped. I start frantically pulling on the straps trying to get up. “Hey- Hey It’s okay. Just breathe.” A voice says and a hand grabs both of mine stopping me from unlatching the hook, well trying to since I’m not even sure how this contraption works. Sitting beside me is an older boy whose face is filled with worry. “You’re okay, don’t try to unlatch your seatbelt again until we have landed. You could get really hurt, do you understand?” Something about his tone of voice instantly calmed me, and I shock my head up and down, he is definitely a caregiver. You are not a little, you are a neutral. I have to tell myself before looking back at him and I gave him a small smile “My name is John but everyone calls me Murphy. What is your name?” I pull my hands out of his and look down to my feet dangling off the chair. “My name is Jess” I say softly while fiddling with the straps, careful not to pull on them. “Well hello Jess, so did you resis-“ His voice is cut off by the overhead tvs turning on and Chancellor Jaha appearing on them taking about something but I have already tuned him out. I really don’t care about what the man who locked me away has to say about anything. I look around at all the others in this dropship and back to Murphy. I haven’t taken a pill since this morning and I have no idea what time it is now. It is wearing off because I have the urge to lay my head on his shoulder or even worse cry. I remember Doctor Griffin giving me the pills. I get instant relief as I feel the bottle in my left jean pocket. The dropshift shakes roughly and I small screamed escaped my lips, Murphy grabs my hand again and I feel the tears about to come out. “Please talk about something, I’m a little scared” I tell him trying to laugh but it comes out more broken. “Well I was just thinking about my little, Raven, and how she is definitely doing better than u- Oh wait, I’m sorry. How about a story.” My eyes are squeezed shut but I shake my head. Murphy starts telling me about something his little built, apparently she is crazy smart. I try to focus and it does help calm me down a little, even if I didn’t really want to hear about littles when I am about to die. Suddenly the ship shakes a few more times and then everything is calm. “Hey hear that, no machine hum” a boy says from the other side of the room. Everyone cheers and starts unlatching their seatbelts to go down to the lower level. I try to unhook mine seatbelt, they made it look so easy. “You are so stupid you can’t even unhook yourself, can you do anything right Jessica” I hear my mother’s voice telling me in my head. Murphy stands up from his seat and before I can even process what is happening, he unlatches my seat then grabs me under the armpits and puts me on my feet. While sitting there wasn’t that much of a height difference but standing. Woah. I was staring straight into his chest. Yep, definitely a caregiver. I remember learned in school (before my mother pulled me out) that caregivers are taller and stronger than the average person, helping them to carry littles. While on the other side littles were smaller. I am an even five foot and used to pray everyday that I could grow. Luckily some neutrals are shorter so I blamed it on having short parents. Murphy looks down to me and I can tell he is about to say something.All the emotions come raising into my head of the last few hours and I go to take a step forward into his arms. As if a wake up call I hear “We’re back bitches!!” I quickly hurry to the ladder to go see what is going on. Also leaving Murphy before I can do something stupid. No one wants you as a little, it would just be a burden on them.

The drop shift door had been opened when I get to the bottom of the ladder and everyone was running around outside. I jump down onto the green grass and take a big breath of the clear clean air and start to laugh while spinning around. For the next few hours everyone just walks around our new home. I’ve noticed some cliques have been formed, mostly like on the ark, the teens who were deemed as neutrals stayed together. They are exploring the area, some climbing up the trees but mostly everyone is staying close to the dropship. I start walking around and find Murphy behind the drop ship, he is talking to four others who are clearly other caregivers given their height, they have formed a circle and one of the guys has his arms wrapped around a shorter boy in the middle. I feel an urge to go over to them but have to shake it off, my head is getting fuzzy.
I need a suppressant right now. I take my pill bottles out and started to count them. …19, 20. Crap, only 20. That will only last me at most 2 weeks. I can panic about that later. I look around and make sure no one is watching me and take the pill. Now how am I going to make the pills last… I make a metal note of what to not do. First, avoid all caregivers, I was told that littles tend to naturally gravitate towards caregivers and I know it will be even harder to block out a drop if I am around them. Caregivers are naturally protective and lovin- No caregiver would want you. You are a neutral not a little My mothers voice comes into my head for the second time today. She is right I can’t make myself be someone’s burden, especially while trying to survive Earth. Second I need to find some people from Farm Station. I remember Doctor Griffin saying the pills are made from a plant and that is why I could buy them so often. Maybe that plant is still growing around these woods somewhere. “I know this is exciting but everyone come to the dropship.” A deep booming voice yells out. I walk over to a group forming a circle around two people. A girl with blonde hair, the doctor’s daughter Clarke Griffin, I remember seeing her picture in her mothers office and standing beside her is man I don’t know, but he has super dark hair and stands a full head above Clarke. “Okay, I know everyone is excited, and you should be but according to this map we are about 100 miles away from the bunker we were supposed to be dropped off at” Clarke holds up a map pointing to two spots on opposite ends of the map. “Also we need to take inventory of what we have now, people and supplies, If we are going to survive down here we will have to work together” He and Clarke share a look that I is either a “I want to kill you look” or “come get in my bed look” I can’t recall which though. “Bellamy is right-“ His name is Bellamy, I put another mental note in my head to avoid him, he is definitely another caregiver. He steps onto the dropship ramp and looks at all of us, waiting for what he has to say. “First thing, food and water. I want a few guys to come with me and find a water source first thing tomorrow morning. We can’t go on a 100 mile hike if we are all dehydrated. For right now we have rations that will be divided up evenly. We will all have to work together if we are going to survive”

Clarke speaks next and I almost laugh as everyone’s head turn to look at her. “Are there any littles?” I go stiff and my heart goes to my feet. Why would littles be down here? I am a neutral not a little. I shouldn’t have to worry, as long as I take my pills and find the plant. I look around and see a hand slowly go up. “Jasper is a little but Harper and I are already his caregivers.” The older boy standing next to him says, he was one of the people Murphy was with earlier. Jasper is messing with the bottom of his shirt, clearly embarrassed by being put on the spot. I feel a little bad for him, I would have a panic attack if I was put on the spot like that. He is a little taller than me but still only comes up to his caregivers chest. He looks over at me and we lock eyes. He gives me a small smile and waves and I turn my head away quickly. If I want everyone to think I am neutral I should not be making friends with the only little in our camp. Bellamy and Clarke talk some more but I don’t bother listening. Instead I look for people who may be from Farm Station I look back to Jasper and my heart goes down yet again. Jasper and his caregivers are from Farm Station. Ugh, I highly doubt they will help me block out being a little when they have one. Once Bellamy and Clarke are done talking everyone goes about doing their own thing. Someone even has started a fire, and Bellamy and a few guys are cutting up the parachute to make us shelter for the time being. I decide to sit next to the fire, it is getting darker and I have always hated the dark. Some little tendencies just can’t be blocked out. I watch my feet as I walk and pull my little jacket around myself not providing much warmth. I sit on the ground leaning back onto the tree, pulling my knees up to my chest feeling the warmth of the fire and close my eyes.

Flashback
“What are you doing?!” My mother whisper shouted at me, lord knew what would happen if the neighbors heard what went on inside these walls. I woke up startled and tears came to my eyes. My thumb. I was still in my mouth, how could I be so stupid. I knew she would be home soon but was so exhausted from working I thought I could get a quick nap in before she got back to the little apartment. “Jessica you are not a little, littles are a disgrace. You are a neutral, that is what the papers say.” It was the same, I was a neutral not a little, being a little is bad. “That’s it get up right now Jessica” My mother grabbed my arm pulling me off the bed and I braced myself for what was going to happen next. Instead it didn’t happen, my mother’s belt stayed in the loops of her pants and her hand stayed on my arm while the other opened the door. I kept my head down while we walked through the halls, once we stopped I looked up to see we are standing in front of the infirmary. “Doctor Griffin, I am here to discuss the medicine we were talking about earlier” The doctor looked me up and down and quickly led us into her office. Back in the apartment the pills did help ms stop the little urges that came into her head. If only they could stop the pain that my mother would inflict upon me for the next few months.

I wake up in a panic. It is still early, I think, the sun isn’t all the way up but it isn’t dark outside. I am so thirsty. I decided to go try to find some water , picking myself up, I wipe all the dirt off my legs and pick a direction to walk it. After about a 30 minute walk I find a small stream of water and do a little happy dance. Thank goodness I am alone. I reach into my pocket and grab a pill then kneel down and cup my hands to get a drink. I take a large gulp of the water, the cold water is so refreshing to my dry throat. I start to get another drink when a twig snaps behind me. Terrified I jump up and go to run. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s just us. What are you doing outside of camp? We don’t know if it’s safe out here yet.” Bellamy has his hands out in front of him while slowly approaching me. There are 4 other guys with him and I spot Murphy instantly. “Hey Bell, I’ll take her back, are y’all okay with carrying back the jugs?” Murphy says handing his “jug” that was just an empty container that came from the dropship. “Yeah, thanks Murphy. Take her to Clarke, she found all the medical paper stuff for everyone and it checking everyone out.” On the walk back I silently freak out. Clarke has my medial history. I know my mother always said “..you are a neutral on paper so act like it” but I never actually saw if it was on paper. I technically never took the test but there are clear signs my mother pointed out well before my 16th birthday. Or what if Doctor Griffin listed my medicines and Clarke knows what it is. What if she- “So why didn’t you tell Bellamy and Clarke you are a little?” Murphy’s question snaps me out of my thoughts and causes me to stop in my tracks. “What?” I snap out, trying to act more confused then mean. “When they asked if their were any littles, you didn’t raise you hand or go talk to them later. I wanted to talk to you about it but got roped into helping make the tents.” I try to think of my next words carefully but what has been conditioned into my brain comes out instead. “ I am not a little, I am a neutral.” Murphy laughs a little and says “Yeah and I am mother Teresa” I cross my arms and keep walking. “I am serious Murphy, I’m not a little, you can check my papers when we get back to camp.” He stops and turns to me puts his hands on my shoulders. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry. I just miss Raven so much and I guess I was projecting my caregiver senses onto you.” We walk the rest of the way in silence.
We walk into the camp, which now looks more like a camp with makeshift tents lining the area around the drop ship. “Clarke is this way” Murphy puts his hand on my back and leads me into the drop ship. “She’s on the top level, I can wait if you want me to or you can find me later.” Murphy crosses his arms giving me a choose but somehow it doesn’t feel that way. I consider my options for a second. “You don’t have to wait, I will find you later.” I say knowing dang well I plan on avoiding him for the rest of well, my life. Clarke is sitting on the floor crisscrossed with papers laying across teh floor in front of her. “Hey Clarke, Bellamy said to come see you.” I try to even my breath and sound calm and pray she can’t tell how bad my hands are shaking. “Oh yes, I was just wanting to confirm all the stuff on your records and do a short physical exam before we leave for Mount Weather.” She grabs one of the paper and makes her way to me. “You can come sit over here” She points to the table made out of the dropship wall sitting on four logs. I feel sorry for the guys who had to cut and carry those up. Clarke feels my back, looks at my legs and shines a light into my eyes. “Everything looks good, now is all the info on this paper correct?” I hold my breath as she hands me the piece of paper. On the top it showed a picture of me.
Name -Jessica Rae Nelson
Birthday- August 8th 2131
Hair- Brown
Eyes- Green
Category- Neutral
Medial History- - Broken arm - Stitches on leg - Stitches on wrist - Broken ankle - Concussion (2) - Stitches on head
I let out a breath of fresh air, trying not to think about all the injuries that aren’t listed but at least it said I was a neutral and handed it back to Clarke, “Yep it looks all right” Clarke looks over it again and sits down in front of me. “Looks like you were in the med bay a lot, I remember onc-“ Clarke gets cut off by a loud scream and Bellamy shouts “Everyone in the drop ship now.” Clarke quickly jumps up and heads to the ladder. “Stay here, until we tell you to come out” After her head ducks down the ladder I run over to the tiny window while more people climb to the top level to whatever threat was outside. “There were people on horses” a boy stated as he joins the rest of them in the crowded area. “Miller, let’s just wait until we figure out what they want” Harper says while she rubs a sleeping Jaspers back. We have now been up here for about an hours and I am bored out of my mind. There has been no shouting and the horses are still tied up on the same trees they have been since they go here. Finally what seems like hours later Bellamy calls for us all to come out. I walk out the dropship to see about a dozen men and women standing in dark clothing and painting on their faces, looking almost like the demons in scary movies. “Everyone gather around, these are the Grounders. We landed on their land and they are willing to help us out” Clarke shouts standing next to a women who has a small circle thing between her eyes. Clarke motions for her to say something and she takes a few steps forward. “I am Lexa kum trikru, Commander of the 12 clans. After today you shall join us as the 13th clan. Under my protection you shall be safe as long as we works together, you all will survive the ground”

Chapter Text

trigger warning: brief mention of self harm

It has been eight days since we landed and a week since we found out we weren’t the last of the human race. Someone called them Groundeds and it sort of stuck. Their leader, well I guess our leader now too, Lexa hasn’t been back since the first day, but she has sent a lot of her people to help us. It took them only 2 days to build a tall wall around the camp and we now have three proper buildings ;an infirmary, (I'm sure Clarke pushed for that the most) a place to store food and a big building in the center of camp. The Grounders are also showing us how to build cabins. Being the only family, Monty, Harper and Jasper got the first one and Bellamy and Clarke each have their own. A few guys got the hang of it quick and now there are a dozen little cabins all around our camp. Luckily for me all the work being done has kept everyone distracted and has helped my goal of staying out of everyone’s mind. I decided to pick up the extra pieces of the parachute now laying around and make myself a small tent at the back of the camp.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you. What are you doing?” I freeze. Murphy. The one person I’ve mainly been trying to avoid for the past week. I turn slowly with an armful of sticks and things I’ve managed to find for my new home. Standing next to Murphy was Bellamy, even though we haven’t spoken I didn’t like the way he was looking down at me. “Just gathering some things, why?” I say trying to keep my voice level. He takes a few steps towards me and holds his arms out, motioning me to hand him my new things. I shake my head, “No, this stuff is mine. It was just lying on the ground, no one wanted it.” I go to stomp my foot and immediately stop myself. you are a neutral Murphy and Bellamy share a look and then turn back to me. “I didn’t mean any harm. I’ve just been really busy this week and wanted to check on you but haven’t been able to find you. We are headed to the Grounder village for Clarke some supplies later.” Murphy said, now crouching down to my level. He wanted to “check on me” My brain gets fuzzy as I push all feelings down. “Okay, well I have things to do. Bye” I quickly turn on my heels and head in the opposite direction. To the farthest corner.

I throw all my things to the ground and begin to brainstorm a plan. After about an hour of work, I have a small tent with just enough room for me inside. I lay out the extra parachute pieces as my bed and pull out my pill bottle. Only five left. I pull my knees up to my chest and bury my head as a few tears slide down my face. What in the world am I going to do?

Then I remember, the Grounders have littles too! I heard one of them talk about his little while helping build Jasper's cabin. Maybe their doctors, or as they call them Healers will have something to help, or know of the plant I need. Murphy and Bellamy were headed to the closest Grounder village this afternoon, maybe I can follow them and talk to the healer. I crawl out of my tent and run towards the front gate.

I manage to see them walking out of the front gate each with a pack strapped to their back. Clarke gives them a hug and hands Murphy a piece of paper. I decide to wait a few minutes and then follow behind them, close enough I won’t get lost but far enough to not be seen or heard.

We have been walking for what feels like days, but was probably a few hours, my feet are throbbing and my throat is begging for even a small sip of water. I silently plead with them to take a break. I have no idea how much farther the village is but it better be close or I just may just die. The sun is also starting to go down, I clearly didn’t think this through, I should have grabbed a pack with a water canister and something to eat. “How could you be so stupid.” My mothers voice always picks the most perfect times to ring in my head. I can still see Murphy and Bellamy ahead of me but they seem to be moving faster than before, getting even farther from my sight, and my feet feel like I have bricks tied to them. As if they could sense me struggling, Murphy stops and throws his pack down while Bellamy walks around grabbing small pieces of wood. I truly am so stupid for not thinking this through. I have to sleep in the dark, scary woods

Sure I did for the first few nights but there were people around and now there’s a wall with guards. What if an animal gets hungry and wants a five foot brunette for dinner? I allow myself to go closer to them, watching my feet to not step on any twigs or things to make unnecessary noise. I find a large tree that’s close enough to feel safe and stay out of their view. I almost sign in relief when I sit down. I can hear the guys talking, I try to focus on their voices instead of my heart beat pounding in my ears.

“Man there was this one time that Raven came home and was covered head to toe in black dirt. She was fixing an air vent that hadn’t been used since probably the first generation on the Ark. It took me a week’s worth of my water rations to clean her up.” Murphy told the story, letting out a small laugh, I peek around the tree to see him and Bellamy are roasting something over their small fire. As if on cue my stomach growled. I put my hand over my stomach as if they could hear it, and try to listen to Murphy to help me go to sleep and forget my own hunger. “-after that I made sure she would take a nap. Even if she wasn’t dropped at the time.” It goes silent for a minute and I could hear him sigh. “I hope someone is looking out for her while I’m down here” I hear Bellamy, at least I assume it’s him letting out a long sigh. “You’re lucky you found your little, I know she’s missing you too dude. Why don’t you get some shut eye, I’ll take the first watch” Bellamy says.

Back on the Ark 3rd person POV

Raven punched the side of the pod for about the dozen time that day. She even thought she could see a small dent was starting to form. “Stupid freaking wires” She mumbles as she goes back to attaching the wires. The day after she found out they had sent Murphy to the ground she started working on her own way down. Dr Griffin had found out and even offered to help, telling her the communication had gone out and she could help them. She even went out of her way by getting her some wires she needed even if they were making her more angry. She’s only dropped once this week and that was just for a few hours by herself. Her head and body were screaming at her that she needed a break. Not until I’m back with my Daddy She thought as the wires finally went to the right place.

“Any progress” Dr. Griffin's voice cut through the air making her jump back, dropping her tool. “Yes, all that’s left is to check some codes and I will be good to go,” Raven said, not even trying to hold in her excitement. “The council still doesn’t know about this and we need to keep it that way. Here are the extra radios, remember you have until tomorrow night before the window is closed.” She handed Raven two large radio devices and a nutrition bar before walking out. Raven straps down in storage compartment of the pad and opens the bar. She remembers the one time she stayed in her workroom all day, not only forgetting to eat but also breaking one of the major little laws,

Little Laws. Section 4- line 2 states; Littles will only work up to five hours a day with two mandatory breaks.

It was one of the many laws involving littles. Although her Daddy did not like that she overworked, he was more upset at her for not eating and taking a nap. He had hand fed her all the meals for two weeks after and came to the lab everyday at noon to make her nap, no matter what she was working on. I will take any punishment for skipping meals and not napping this week if it means I get to be with you again She thought as taking a bite of the bar, Raven had to keep her hopes of him surviving high because she truly wasn’t sure how she could live if he wasn’t.

All the codes came back good and her suit was laying on the ground beside the escape pod. She decided to go back to the apartment to gather some of their things to bring with her and to maybe get at least a few hours of sleep in. Rounding the corner of the hallway, her head starts to spin and she feels like she is about to black out. She needed to drop, badly, and knew if she pushed it off any longer her body would force her into little space and then she wouldn’t be able to launch the pod, or even worse she could miss her window to launch entirely. There was too much at stake, she knew she couldn’t be alone this time and risk being in little space for too long . She hurries to her room and fills a bag with the few clothes they have and grabs her special bunny.

“If you ever need to drop and I am not home, I want you to come here, I trust him to take care of you. His name is Finn and he is a real good friend of mine. Do you understand me baby?” Last year she had a bad anxiety attack and it sent her into little space while he was still at work, and she was too young to use the tablet to message him. After he got home and calmed her down he picked her up and carried her here.
She adjusts the bag on her shoulder, and before she can knock on the door, it swings open. “Hey I’m sorry to intrude, I need help and my Daddy said I can trust you.” Raven said so fast she wasn’t even sure he heard her. Finn looks down at her for a split second before gathering her in his arms and bringing her inside.

Back on Earth

I jolted awake looking around still feeling the pain lingering on my back from the nightm- memory of my mother. It is still early, the ground is covered in…. I think the Grounders called it fog I turn around to see both Murphy and Bellamy still asleep with a small flame still flickering in the fire. I reach in my pocket to take another pill. Only four left, I hope I can find the Grounders doctor.
I get a sharp hunger pain in my stomach and my throat itches from dryness. I stand to my feet and decide my hunger outweighs me staying a safe distance away. I walk over quietly to their sleeping bodies being extra careful to not wake them up, I slide a piece of the jerky out of one of the packs, almost letting a moan out by how good it tastes and take a small sip of the water canteen. Before I can take another sip, Bellamy shifts over and I take off to the tree before he can fully wake up and sees me.

Thump
I tripped on a tree root and put my arms out to catch myself, somehow I still managed to land on my face. I pull my foot out of the root and pain rushes over me going to my ankle and my wrist. Tears are now following down my face before I can even stop them. “Ow, Ow, Ow….” I cry out cradling my wrist to my chest and trying to not move my ankle. “Jess?!?” Crap

“Jess, what are you doing here? We left camp yesterday did you se-” He cut himself off sitting down beside me. “I’m sorry, you are hurt. Let me see your wrist sweetheart” I slowly hold it out to him, ignoring the pet name and he gently rubs my arm twisting it over. “I don’t think it's broken but Clarke is the doctor not me. We need to get you back to camp. Murphy wake up!” Bellamy shouts and Murphy sits up quickly looking for a threat. “…get you back to camp.” Nope. That is not happening , I need to speak with the Grounders doctor. Not Clarke, the caregiver, who definitely won’t help me. Think Jess think “How far are we from the Grounders village?” I ask as Bellamy wraps my wrist in a piece of material he got from his pack. “Should only be an hour or so, we left later then planned yesterday and only stopped for the night because they told us to arrive in the daylight”

“Well it's farther to camp and I’m sure the Grounders have a doctor that can look at my wrist. Just as good as Clarke would.” I let out the last park quickly. He signs and looks at Murphy. “I mean she does have a point. Also Clarke would be pretty pissed at us if we don’t come back with her list.” Thank you Murphy “I don’t feel like dealing with an angry Clarke, we will just have to walk slower so you can actually keep up with us this time. You stay right here, we are going to pack up.” They both stand to their feet and turn to walk back to where they slept last night. Murphy turns back and I hate the look of disappointment on his face. “Please tell me that you told Clarke, or at least someone that you were coming with us?” I shake my head no and look down at my wrapped wrist. He doesn’t reply.

They stomp out their fire and strap the packs onto them. “Come on, let's get going.” I take Bellamy's outstretched hand as he pulls me up to my feet. A small scream escapes my lips as I put pressure on my right foot. l, Thump I fall back down to my bottom. Both my ankle,and now my wrist again are throbbing and I squeeze my eyes shut to stop from sobbing as my bottom lip quivers. “What hurts?” “Are you okay?” Bellamy and Murphy questions intertwine as they both kneel on either side of me both of their eyes scanning me over and trying to comfort me. Bellamy rubs my back lightly and Murphy gently sets is hand on my knee. I close my eyes, take shaky breath, “M-M-My ankleeee” I get out as tears run down my cheeks and I gasp for air.

“Bell, we gotta go to the village now, their doctors will have stuff for pain. Clarke can wrap her ankle and wrist but she doesn’t have anything for pain yet.” Murphy says in a gentle voice rubbing circles with his thumb on my thigh. I try to wipe my tears away but they are still falling just has fast as before. Bellamy seems to ponder the choices. Please pick village. Please pick village” I say over and over in my head sending signals to Bellamy. ”Here carry this for me.” He takes off his pack and hands it to Murphy. Then puts an arm around my back and under my knees and scoops me up.

I left the camp to try and find a solution to block the little part of me. Yet here I am, being carried like a baby as Murphy talks about Raven, the actual baby. At least I was able to stop crying. So far I know all about how Raven was the first little to get permission to be an engineer or something along those lines. I haven’t really been listening. Hurting myself definitely wasn’t the plan but at least now I get to go straight to the doctor and talk to them. “So you never told us why you ran away.” Murphy says walking backwards a few steps ahead of us, not tripping over the tree roots. show off I think for a second, “I just wanted to explore some more, I heard there were glowing butterflies and wanted to see them.” I hope they just drop it, but Bellamy continues “Well you are lucky that you followed us, even if it was not the smartest decision. Clarke is probably worried sick, I bet she has a search team looking for you. When we get back you better hope I can calm her down before she gets her hands on you.”

I go stiff in his arms and fear runs through me. “…before she gets her hands on you.” What does that mean? Is she planning on hurting me? Even if the memories are still vivid of my mother punishing me, I don’t think I am strong enough to take another beating. I can’t go through that again, not ever. Clarke seemed like a nice person maybe I could convince her t- “Hey- Hey is your ankle hurting? We are almost there, we will get you feeling better in no time.” Bellamy snapped me out of my thoughts and I realized I had a new stream of tears flowing down my face, onto his shirt. “Um yeah it does, I’m sorry about you shirt. I can try to wa-” Bellamy stopped and adjusted me in his arms, as if I weighed nothing. Now my legs are wrapped around his waist and he had his arms locked under my thighs. I knew this hold, it was the way Monty carried Jasper around the camp. “I don’t care about my shirt and I am just fine carrying you, holding you like this while you nap will be easier. According to the map we are close to the Grounder village anyways.” Who does he think he is, not only holding me and treating me like a little. “I do not need to yawn”
Caregiver intuition

“You got hurt and cried for a long time. Also you walked a pretty far distance yesterday with no food or water, which we are discussing back at home. Take a nap sweetheart” He says putting his hand on the back of my head and gently pushing me to lay against his chest. I go to get angry with him but instead I get very tired and maybe he is right, I haven’t gotten a full night of sleep in a while, my body is exhausted and seems to rock with every step he takes, and I slowly close my eyes.

Nightmare/ Flashback
“Are you f****ing serious Jessica?! I wanted to come home and relax but now this?” My mother yells at me, I keep my head down as I sit at the table as she paces around. It is early in the afternoon so she knows she can be louder since our neighbors are still at work. “Hey I am talking to you!’ She yanks my hair back to have me look at her. I really regret putting my hair in that ponytail. “You’ve only had this job for one week and already screwed up. I told them you were smart and reliable, that was why you finished school so early. That does not mean you doze off on the job.” I hear the SLAP of her hand connecting with my face before I can feel the sting. My breath catches and I bite down on my tongue, I know better than to cry out. I still ached from the last time I was stupid enough to cry out loud. She takes the last swig of her algae moonshine and grabs a new bottle out of the fridge, taking a long swing and sitting it on the small counter. “Do you have anything to say for yourself” I knew better than to explain myself, especially not knowing if she has drank more than two bottles in the time it took me to get home. I was stupid enough to doze off at work since I didn’t sleep last night. I was cleaning up the apartment from where she threw an empty glass bottle at me for not getting my paycheck yet. The only reason I have a job is to fund her alcoholism. She grabs my arm and roughly pulls me to my feet then goes to the closet. I focus on my breathing knowing I will need if for what she is about to do. “I have done so much for you, getting you a neutral classification so you can work, not letting you burden someone else with your presence and I even let you quit school early. You need to learn how to show me your appreciation.” My mother walks back with the belt in her hand. I think it was once my fathers, before he got floated for beating up a guy at the exchange center, it still gets used quite often. Please get off work early I silently pray that the Johnsons get home soon, once my mother hears the beeps of the main hall doors opening she knows she has to be quiet. I have yet to be so lucky. “You know what I have to do. Take off your pants and shirt.” She takes another swig out of the jar. Last time I bled on my shirt, and I had to use my water rations to get it out. So now this is a precaution she makes me take but I wish I could keep it on. I pull my shirt and pants off quickly and throw them onto my bed. “Bed over the table.” I lay my shaking body as flat as I can across the table and grab the opposite end, praying she either passes out or the neighbors get off early. SWISH I bite down hard on my arm as the first lash lands across my back.

“Shhh its okay sweetheart, we are getting you fixed up” I feel someones stroking my hair and after a few seconds eyes adjust to the light room and I see I am laying on a table, jars full of different things line the many shelf’s on the wall. “Lincoln was just setting your ankle, we had to hold you down, you were wiggling so much in your sleep.” Bellamy, who was playing with my hair, gently runs his thumb under my eye wiping away tears I didn’t even know were there. I look to my right expecting Murphy but instead it is Octavia, Belllamys sister. I remembered hearing people say she started dating a Grounder but didn’t realize she had left. She has a bunch of braids in her hair and a sword strapped to her back. “Hey little one, I know your ankle hurts but Linc put a splint on it and wrapped it tightly. Your wrist is just sprained and should feel better by tomorrow. Here this tea should help with the pain.” She helps me sit up and hands me a small cup of brown liquid, as I sip on the tea she places her hand on my back and I flinch. “Sorry ugh this is disgusting.” I say and they all let out a laugh, and she removes her hand. I gulp down the last bit and sit the cup beside me on the table. “I’m going to go tell Murphy you are all finished up and get the rest of the things on this list. Thank you again for helping her and Clarke will be thrilled to have actual medication now.” Bellamy shakes Lincoln's hand and pulls Octavia into a hug.

“Jess, do you want to wait here or come with me? We can explore a little bit before we have to head back.” Bellamy asks as he puts some small jars into his pack. “Um… I think I may just wait here, my ankle still hurts and I don’t want you to have to carry me.” I sit up more pulling my leg with the uninjured ankle to my chest and set my chin on my knee. Bellamy looks as if he is going to say something but before he gets a chance Octavia is by his side pulling the curtain door open. “I’ll come with you big bro, will you be okay alone with Linc for a minute?” I shake my head yes and my stomach drops to the ground. “Jessica we will do whatever it takes to make you a true neutral.” For once my mothers voice helped to calm my nerves and pull it together.

Lincoln is putting away some fabric and opens a drawer full of dried plants. “Hey can I ask you a question?” I turn my full body towards him trying hard to not look down at my twitching fingers in my lap. “Did the tea not work, I can make you something stronger but you will probably sleep the whole way to back to your village” He sits down on the chair directly across from me giving his full attention. It is not or never I tell myself. “If someone, let’s say a little, came to you and ugh. They were to ask for something to…… help them not be a little Could you help them?” It comes out staggered and more in a whispered tone but his eyes widen and he stands to his feet and places his hand on my shoulder causing me to flinch back. “hey its okay, does Bellamy know? I think he would be quite upset that his little girl wants to st-”

“ I am NOT his little, I’m not even a little in fact. Just asking for a friend. They gave her these pills on the Ark and she asked me to come ask you.” I hand him one of my last four pills and he examines it closely. “Well if this person were here I would tell them this is very dangerous. Blocking out a biological need is very serious and not to mention the withdrawals from taking this.” He opens the capsule and pours the contents onto a small tray bringing it up to his nose. only three left now “This is Nettleweed, not very common in our forests but I do have a few. I can provide your… friend with a few days worth and get more when I come to your village with Heda in ten moons.”

“That would be perfect, thank you so much. I would also like it if you kept this between us.” He gives me a small nod and opens another drawer pulling out a bowl and some green leaves.
“Here you go. You chew on these instead of swallowing, also keep in mind that these are stronger than those plastic pills.” Lincoln holds up a small vial filled with a few green circles, he places them in my outstretched hand but doesn't let go, instead his grip tightens he leans down and looks me in the eyes. “If you are doing this because someone is hurting you or you think it is the only way, you need to tell someone you do trust. I am not a caregiver so my brain works different but I still want you to feel safe. I know you can trust Bellamy and Clarke. I have seen the things they do for their people, they are good leaders. I will keep this secret between us for now but as a healer I cannot condone you putting your health at risk.” He continues to look me in the eye waiting for an explanation. I think he can hear how loud my heart is beating. “Again. This is not for me but I will tell my friend what you said. I think I would like to go find the guys and tell them I am ready to go.” I give him a small smile, put the vial in my pocket and push myself off the table. Before my feet touch the floor, he quickly picks me up and walks outside.

“I can walk you know I don-“ I cut myself off at the astonishing sight around me. I was asleep walking in so I didn’t get to even see the village. I now wish I would’ve taken Bellamy's offer to go explore with him. There are many large buildings, some even stacked on top of each other and colorful strings and paper running across each one. I see Murphy who is sitting on the ground with a girl on his lap and more littles surrounding him. He is making big motions with his arms as he tells a story and they all stare in amazement. “-but Mommy, I don’t need a nap! The funny man is telling us about space.” A little boy standing in front of us cries out, he has tears going down his face, and stomps his feet then crosses his arms over his chest with a “hmph” The mother just puts the little on her hip and rubs his back as they walk away. I watch in awe knowing I would have had a trip to the medbay if I spoke to my mother like that.

Lincoln sits me on a blanket and walks away without a word. I push our conversation down to the back of my mind and look at the people around me. There are a bunch of littles are running around and playing on- I remember from a book on the Ark I believe it is called a Swingset while some caregivers sit on blankets in the shade under a tree, a few have their littles in their laps feeding them. Gross

I see Murphy running around with a little boy before scooping him up and tossing him lightly in the air. The boy explodes with giggles and I feel a strange feeling in my stomach. Am I jealous. Nope, no way. I would be far too much of a burden for anyone to look after. As my mother had told me many, many times, “No caregiver would want you as a little. That is why you must be a neutral Even if my mother was an awful person to me, she did help me learn one valuable lesson.

You are not going to be a burden to someone

I was stupid for having Bellamy carry me here even if I physically couldn’t walk and worse falling asleep too, I try not to imagine the punishment my mother would give me if she was there to witness it. I see Bellamy and Lexa walking together in my direction with a few men following behind them. Bellamy notices me and leads Lexa over to my blanket. Lexa kneels on her knees in front of me and places her hands on her knees, “Hello Jess, I am glad I finally get to meet you. You were asleep when I came to greet you guys at the front gate. Your Daddy tells me you have hurt your ankle, I hope our healer was able to help you” I stare at her for a second trying to process what she just said.

“He is not my daddy.” It comes out a little angrier than I was planning and I hope she doesn’t take threat of it. She looks to Bellamy quickly and back to me. “Oh I am sorry my dear, I just assumed since he was carrying you. Why don’t I go grab your actual Daddy to come help you get ready for lunch. We cant have yo-”

I don’t even think before the words are out of my mouth. “Are you stupid?! He is not my daddy either, I am not a little!” I ball my hands into fists so tight I can feel my nails break the skin. It all happens so fast, the man standing behind her lunges towards me and I throw myself down into a ball preparing myself for the first blow but it doesn't happen. I slowly move my arms from my head and see Bellamy is blocking my body with his and Lexa is also standing with her hand raised up. Bellamy whispers something into her hear I cant make out and she turns to the man who was about to attack me. “It is okay. They do not understand our customs just yet. It is unfair to punish those who know no better.” Lexa turns to the man and back to me. “Bellamy and Murphy both have accepted my offer to join me for lunch if you would like to also.” By now Murphy has made his way over, no doubt seeing the commotion I caused, “Let’s eat and then we can leave.” I nod my head yes letting Bellamy pick me up not wanting to cause any more problems we follow Lexa into the village.

The food here is absolutely amazing but I am too focused on replaying the prior events in my head to even finish my plate. How could I be so stupid, getting angry at a normal person was one thing but the Commander? She could have me beaten on the spot or killed in the center of the village. Murphy gives my hand a squeeze pulling me from my thoughts, I look around from my spot between him and Bellamy at the large table filled with people. He leans down and whisper “It will be okay she has already forgiven you, you have had a crazy twenty four hours. Don’t punish yourself for it.” If only it was that easy, I knew I messed up big time and since my mother wasn’t here to do the job, I’d have to do it myself.

They spent the rest of lunch discussing the progress of our camp, or now so village, and the peace agreement being signed next week. Now we are finally leaving and I am so excited to get back to my tent and be alone. “I want to apologize for earlier again, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” I tell Lexa as we head to the front gate. “I already told you, I have forgiven you I know you were just having big feelings.” Lexa tells me as drapes a small patchwork blanket over me while laying in Murphy arms. Lincoln gave me another cup of tea and told me it was stronger than the last. Although he had forgotten to inform me that I couldn't put pressure on my foot for at least two more days, I was not happy when Bellamy told me that after lunch was finished.

Lexa and the men that always follow her walk back into the village and after saying bye to what feels like all the littles in the village, Murphy and Bellamy got told they had to come back since they were the “best story tellers ever”, we are finally on our way back home.

“Are we going to walk the whole way back or will we stop and sleep again” I ask finally breaking the silence. “It just depends, at the rate we are going we should be back by dusk.” Bellamy says. I decide to just lay my head on Murphy's shoulder, closing my eyes and letting myself enjoy not having to walk the distance back.

“Their back!” I hear someone shout, opening my eyes I see the wall of our camp lit up with small torches along the top and try to push myself out of Murpahys arms. “Woah sweetheart. Let me get you into the infirmary and then I can put you down.” I give myself whiplash turning to look at the face of the man carrying me. I went to sleep in Murphys arms and woke up in Bellamys. “Murphy and I switched a little ways back, you didn’t even react. Lincoln must have gave you a double dose of that tea” We walk into the camp and instantly everyone starts to crowd us. I burry my head in my hands and turn into Bellamys chest. make them go away I silently beg. Bellamy just continues walking straight to the infirmary, “Clarke we are back. I have a surprise for you.” Clarke comes out of the side room and puts her hand on her hips giving me a look that makes me wish I would have stayed in the Grounders village. “I had a search party looking for you half the day.” I look down knowing whatever they plan on doing to me, I deserve it and worse. What I was not expecting was her walking across the room to us, pulling me into an embrace and telling me “I am so glad you are okay.”

Chapter Text

Clarkes POV     “So want to tell me about your guys' grand adventure?” I ask Bellamy, handing him a cup of water as I sit in the chair next to him, his eyes staying on Jess’s sleeping form. He runs a hand through his hair and leans down placing his elbows onto his knees. “She followed us to the village. We wouldn’t have even known she was there until she fell after taking food out of our packs. What would have happened if she tripped while we were hiking and we didn’t hear? We walked so fast she must have had a hard time keeping up, when Linoln took off her boots, her feet were all blistered. Murphy and I should have been more awa-”

“Bellamy, it is not your fault. She is fine now, because of you and Murphy. She is right where she needs to be.” I run my hand down his back, drawing circles below his shoulder blades. “I feel a pull to her, she claims to be neutral but I feel the urge to protect her. When she started crying, it broke my heart Clarke. I didn’t even feel this strongly when O was a baby.”

  “I know how you feel, Bell when I saw you carrying her inside it's like a switch inside me flipped.” Bellamy turns to be and cradles my face in his hand. As he looks into my eyes I can tell what he is thinking even if he doesn't physically say the words, She could be ours . 

On the Ark it was all about laws and protocols, the council matched you with your spouse and then caregivers to their  littles. Caregivers could request littles and vise Vera, but you had to go through a lot of evaluations. I remember hearing Murphy being matched with Raven. A single man with a little female was almost unheard of, but the connection they had was heartwarming to see up close. When Raven would come to the skybox on visitation days, I would always get a little jealous of Murphy, being able to care and love someone was all I wanted. Bellamy and I had confided in each other one night while watching Jasper cuddle with Monty and Harper beside the fire. We both longed for a little. But on Earth there was no evaluations, no council. We are the leaders and We make the rules 

  Bellamy’s hand is still on my face and he looks down to my lips then back to my eyes, I close my eyes and go to lean into him. We are both sucked back to reality when Jess whimpers and thrashing around on the bed, throwing her blanket off in the process. I quickly jump to my feet and we are both at her side in an instant.“Shhh sweetheart, we are here with you. You are safe.” Bellamy rubs her head and she seems to calm her down while I put the blanket back on her. I wonder what is causing her so much distress in her sleep and I watch as Bellamy whispers soothing words into her ear, seeing him interact with her makes my heart swell. When I found out she wasn’t in camp yesterday I panicked. I told myself that I would have felt that way if anyone went missing but I felt different with her. Something snapped in me when I read her medical report and saw so many trips to the medbay. No one should go through that pain and then to see how small she is, that only made me want to protect her more. 

  Jess POV   I wake up feeling well rested and warm, something I haven’t felt in a while. I hear voices beside me talking in a hushed voice and strain my ears to listen hoping they don’t realize I am awake. “We can’t do nothing Clarke, she did put herself in an extremely dangerous situation. She needs to be punished so she knows not to do something dangerous like this again.” I hear Bellamy say. “I know Bell, when she wakes up we can handle it together.”  My heart beats so loud in my ears, drowning out their voices. Of course I have to be punished, I almost cost them the peace treaty by snapping at Lexa, and caused them to shorten their trip since I hurt myself. I hope it is fast, I haven’t had a punishment in a while and I have to be honest, I am terrified of what they have decided to do to me. 

  There is a piercing scream, then “CLARKE COME QUICK!!”  from outside and I can hear them run around the room then their footsteps fade out the door. I open my eyes to see I am now alone and look around seeing a pair of crutches leaning against the wall. Hopefully whatever happened will keep them occupied for a while. I ease of the table trying to not put pressure on my foot, and hop on my good foot to the crutches. 

  I let out a sigh of relief when I get back to my tent. The left side had fallen a little bit and it took me a minute to get it back up while balancing on the crutch but now I was sitting inside. I take the vial out and pull out one of the green balls to chew on. It wasn’t the best thing but far from the worst. I decide I am going to spend the rest of the day here, no one seems to come this far in camp and I need the alone time to clear my mind. 
“Are you stupid…..
   I internally cringe at myself again, I can't believe I truly said that to the leader of the Grounders, soon to be the main leader of us too. Even if Clarke and Bellamy will always be considered our leaders. Clarke and Bellamy Hopefully they will forget about whatever they decided my punishment should be but I know better than to think I will get so lucky. I feel a pain in my arm and look down to see I have cut into my arm with my nails . Something I haven’t done in a while and as strange as it is, I continue to dig into my arm and it makes me feel better, knowing that I deserve the pain. 

   BOOM

I jump up at the sudden loud noise and put my head out of my tent to look around. There is no one around but the sky is turning black and the wind starts blowing, pulling up the side of my tent. I quickly get out and try to fix it but the wind is so strong and I forget about my foot, putting pressure on it, a sharp pain shoots up my leg and I fall down. I feel rain drops on my skin and quickly crawl back under the piece still attached to the wall and use my body to hold down the other side. It is as dark as night time and suddenly the sky lights up for a split second and the ground seems to shake with another loud. 
BOOM. My heart skips a beat as I let out a scream and I faintly hear people yelling in the distance. Overcome with fear from the loudness, I cover my ears with shaking hands as I try to hold back my tears.

  Bellamys POV
  I watch as Clarke finishes wrapping up Jasper's elbow. “You are lucky I didn’t have to stitch it up. Next time let's listen when your Mommy and Daddy tell you not to climb so high up the tree.” She kisses the top of Jasper’s head, he just turns into Harper's chest still with a pout on his face. Thankfully it was just a light scrape, the fall scaring him more than the wound causing him to drop. The way Harper had screamed for Clarke, you would have thought he was about to lose a limb. She starts putting her supplies back in the bag and I kneel down to help when- 
BOOM. Everyone freezes and Jasper lets out another loud scream clinging to Harper. I look up to see dark clouds begin covering the blue sky. A storm 

  Some of the Grounders prepared us for what was about to happen. Linlon had told me, “The sky will become angry and shouting out, rain will flow like a river from the sky and the wind will blow with no mercy.” I send a silent thank you that we now have enough shelters for everyone that will withstand the storm. “Everybody get indoors now!” I shout out as the rain starts to fall. 

  The rain comes down fast and hard, nothing like the light rain we previously experienced and wind blows leaves, sticks and debris  throughout the air.  Our bodies seem to move in sync making our way through camp, helping everyone get inside and anchoring things down that may fly away. We are both soaked to the bone when we make our way back to the infirmary. “Let’s handle this quickly, she is probably scared to death from the sudden change of weather.” I tell Clarke as I shake some of the water off under the outside roof before stepping inside. ”Bellamy?” Clarkes voice is filled with fear, I turn to see what she is looking at. There in the middle of the room was an empty bed, the bed we had left Jess sleeping in. 

  “The crutches are gone, she must have woken up and left on her own.” My chest lightens with the knowledge she was not taken, even if I was sure no one in camp would do such a thing. “ I'll head to the dropship and see if she is in there. Maybe Murphy took her into his cabin or she went into a friends cabin?” Clarke rambles as she wraps a piece of plastic tarp around her body throwing one to me. We both run out going in opposite directions.

  “JESS!” I yell out running along the line of cabins, a few heads peak out but none of them are her. I quickly head down the path to Murphy’s cabin and go inside, not bothering to knock. “Woah Bell, you know its storming outside, right?” He says sarcastically adding wood to the small fireplace in his cabin. “Can’t…. Find… Jess, is she in here?” I say trying to catch my breath from running, I spin my head around and see we are the only ones in here. Murphy shoots to his feet and grabs his coat. “I will come help you look.” 

  Jess POV  
  I squeeze my eyes shut and try to make myself sleep but it's no use. My teeth have begun to chatter and my clothes are so wet they cling to my body giving me no warmth. The scratches on my arm burn from the wet fabric rubbing against them and my ankle throbs. The sky makes the loud noise again and I curl myself into a tighter ball wishing I would have just stayed in the infirmary. 

  “Jessica!” I hear a faint voice calling my name. Mother? I am hallucinating, must be dying from the cold. “Jessica Rae Nelson!” I hear it again, this time closer. I open my eyes and black dots take over my vision, I try to shout out and nothing comes out. I try to sit up but my body is shaking so much from the cold that my arms won’t hold me up. Suddenly the wind blows my tent all the way off me and I am left laying on the cold wet ground.   “Let’s get you inside, I got you baby.” I am pulled into a warm embrace and feel myself floating. I must be dead and this angel came to carry me away. My arms and ankle no longer hurt, slowly the black dots dancing around my vision grow and I let myself succumb to the darkness. 

  Clarkes POV  
 I throw my tarp jacket over her and pull her into my arms. Her body goes limp as I stand up and I hurry back to the cabin. Once inside I  lay gently on the bed and I place my fingers to his neck. I let out a breath I wasn’t even aware I was holding in, she is still alive. Her heartbeat is weak so  I quickly take her thin, soaked jacket off and wrap her up in the thick furs. My brains spin as I make a quick metal checklist.
  Start a fire Check
  Get her body temperature back up
  She will also need food and fluids.
  Bellamy is still outside too.

  I shake the last note out of my head, he is a grown man, he can take care of himself. I sent many silent “thank yous” to the Grounders who showed us how to make fireplaces in the cabins, if not I would be treating a lot of sick people tomorrow. As soon the flame catches onto the wood, I shed off my wet clothes and replace them with my clean pajamas and pull the small sleeping girl into my lap, sitting us in front of the warm fire. I gently rock her as I use a cloth to wipe away some of the water off her face and neck. I want to get her out of these wet clothes but that will have to wait until she wakes up, which hopefully will be soon. I know it would only cause her to panic if she wakes up to someone else taking off your clothes. 

I remember what Bellamy said about feeling drawn to her as look down and under different circumstances I would love this current feeling, her tucked into my chest sleeping peacefully. Instead her round cheeks and little button nose are a bright red while the rest of her face is white as a sheet and I pray she wakes up soon.

  A million questions run through my mind as I gently rub up and down her body trying to circulate some warmth. Why didn’t she just stay in the infirmary where we left her? And why was she all alone at the edge of camp? Cabins were still being built and I was aware some are still without one, but I just assumed they were all staying in the drop ship or bunking together. How have Bellamy and I not noticed she was sleeping so far away?

   The door swings open letting in a cold wind and some rain. Bellamy's large build takes up the whole door frame as he quickly steps in and slams the door shut. He freezes and the anger in his eyes soften as he looks at the girl cradled to my chest. “You found her.” He closes his eyes and his voice is filled with relief, he then repeats my actions of trading his wet clothes for dry ones.  

  I go to look away but simply can’t. Water droplets run down his tones back and his arm muscles flex as he pulls the shirt over his head, his thighs just as tones and he pulls on his sweatpants. Then he shakes a rag through his hair catching some of the drops that are making the way down his face to his sharp jawline. I feel myself getting flushed and snap back to reality of the reason he is soaking wet, sitting in front of the fireplace in our cabin trying to keep Jess warm.

Our cabin. At first sharing a cabin was for convenience, we both got tired of trying to find each other when we had something to work out and some of the others voiced that it was hard to find both of us at the same time. Someone would have a medical problem and go looking for me, only to find Bellamy, and sometimes they would want both of us present. So we gave our single cabins to two others and moved into the small cabin in the middle of the camp. Now if anyone needs us we are both in the same place. At first living it was a little awkward to be living with some, especially of the opposite sex, but these past two weeks it has turned into something more. Our late night talks are no longer about the camp and the long list of things that need to get done instead we tell each other stories from our pasts and our dreams for the future, both for the camp itself and our own lives. We both want a little, and both have the fear of maybe never finding one. “Maybe that’s where you come alone.” I silently tell Jess, who now has gained some color back in her face. 

Bellamy walks in front of me,snapping me out of my thoughts, and grabs his sleep shirt of our bed, another thing that has recently changed, our bed He deemed it necessary to put the beds together and make a larger one after I woke up freezing one night and claimed it was to help share body heat. I feel myself blushing as I rethink the night we had after that. Jess stirs in my lap reminding me of her presence and I feel nauseous, how has she been staying warm on these cold nights? 

  “Where did you find her?” Bellamy adds a few more pieces of wood to the fire and sits beside us placing one hand on my back and the other on Jess pulling the fur tighter around her body. “She was wrapped in a piece of the parachute beside the far west wall, the wind blew it off her as I walked past. She passed out on the way here, I am trying to get her body temp back up.” I look at Bellamy and can see his jaw tighten as he removes his hands from both of us and locks them behind his head. “I know, I am as upset as you are but being upset really does nothing right now. Was there anyone else outside?” He shakes his head no, while cradling her small face in his large hands and rubs his thumb across her cheek. “Murphy and I went around looking for her and everyone was either in a cabin or the drop ship, we shut the front gate and anchored down the dropship door for those in there.” He pulls back the fur and looks at the damp clothes clinging to her small frame. “Should we put her in something dry? Won’t she get sick staying in these wet clothes?” I ponder for a second, I wanted to wait until she woke up but she is still fast asleep and I can feel the water starting to soak through the fur. Being in them for so long will not only make her sick but could give her a rash too.

  Ugh. “Yeah get one of your shirts, I will change her fast. Lay this out in front of the fire to dry.” He gives me a nod and goes to the small basket holding the few pieces of clothes he has, tossing me a black shirt as I toss him back the wet fur blanket. I place her on the bed and go to pull her shirt off but I freeze when I notice her arms, covered in scratches, and some still bleeding. How did I not see this when I took her jacket off,  these are not like little Jaspers scratches from falling; these looked self inflicted. I feel a knot in my stomach. I turn to see Bellamy with his back turned, giving us some privacy but he needs to see this too. “Bell come here.” I whisper, he is beside me in two long strides. “I think she did this to herself.” I say gently, without saying anything he grabs a rag and dips it in our water bin sitting beside the bed. I take the wet material and gently wipe them off and she winces in her sleep, none are deep enough to need stiches but they will bleeds for a little while, I wrap them up with dry cloth and my chest tightens as he leans down and places a small kiss on each arm.  “Ill change her the rest of the way if you can get her boots off.” He doesn’t question me as we move together, I peel the damp shirt off her body as he kneels down gently unlacing the one boot she has on. I will have to rewrap her ankle also. I peel off her jeans careful to pull them but leave her underwear on, not wanting to traumatize her even more when she wakes. I sit her up a little and pull her arms then head out of her shirt. I can count each of her ribs and see a large scar going across her collar bone and ending at her shoulder. I fight back tears as I think of how I should have been looking out for this girl since the first day and I know Bellamy is thinking the same thing. I go to put Bellamys shirt over her head but feel something on her back and turn her body to see. “Oh my god.”

  I put my hand over my mouth and the knot is my stomach grows bigger. Thick scars line all along her back going down into her waistline “Oh sweetheart.” I hear Bellamy whisper softly as he takes the shirt from me and slips it over her head.  I am still trying to process it when he gently picks her up placing her head on his chest as he sways back and forth whispering something into her ear.  “St….mhmmm…..nno She starts to mumble something and stirs around. Then her eyes are wide open and her head shoots up and her small body twist and turns to get out of Bellamy's grip. 

“I’M SORRY. Stop, please stop! LET ME GO!!! I’ll be good!” She starts to scream out and I can see Bellamy looks to me, his eyes wide with concern. “Shh, come her baby. You are safe, everything is okay.” I take her out of his arms and bounce her around in mine whispering sweet nothings into ear and it seems to calm her down. After a few minutes, her screams, and the ability to hear my right ear, do away, now she is silently crying. “Did we have a bad dream?” Bell asks in a calming voice as he wipes the tears and snot from her face. Either his voice or actions startle her because she almost knocks me out with how fast she turns her head, her bottom lip sticks out and starts to tremble. “B…b…bewamy.” She launches herself back into his arms and thank goodness he has a quick reflexes or she would have fallen to the floor. He repeats what we both have been telling her for the past few minutes. “You’re okay” “We are here” and “You are safe”. She sticks her thumb into her mouth and lays her head onto his chest finally fully calmed down. “Yeah definitely a neutral.” I mumble under my breath and Bellamy makes a little laugh. “I was just thinking the same thing.”

Jess’s dream while passed out
I open my eyes and I am sitting on my apartment in the Ark. What am I doing back here? Am I dead?

The door opens and my mother walks in. “Jessica. After all I have done for you, I am ashamed to call you my daughter. “ I remember this day, it was the day I was supposed go and take my test. Even though I know I am not truly here, I still feel the same fear and more that I did this day. “How could you?” She slaps me across my face and pushes me down to the floor. “You stupid girl!” She screams at me as she kicks my stomach. I curl in a ball and cry out as she continues to assault my body.

“Nobody will ever love you. You are an ugly, worthless excuse for a human. Do you truly believe someone would want to spend their lives taking care of you?” She laughs out as she yanks me to my feet and leads me to the kitchen. This was my least favorite part. “Bend over.” She opens the drawer that holds our few kitchen utensils and pulls out the thick metal spatula. It is as if my body moves on auto pilot as I am reliving this awful memory.
SMACK
I feel the same pain I did that day and she shows no mercy in hitting me with object from the top of my pants line down the backs of my thighs. I scream and cry out and she stops. But not to stop the punishment. I turn my head to see her grabbing my socks off the floor and feel the rough fabric in my mouth. “If someone hears you scream, it will be ten times worse.” I shiver remembering the time our neighbor did in fact hear me. I could barely walk for days. My voice cry’s out the same things I did that day and she continues the same.

All the sudden it stops and I am no longer in the apartment. Instead I am in my cell, and not alone. “Hello Jessica.” Dr. Griffin stands at the door with her hands folded around her chest. “Hello.” I say back avoiding her eyes. This is not a memory, at least not one I can remember. She walks over and stands directly in front of me and pulls my face up meet her gaze. “She will never love you.” Who? “Who will never love me”

“Clarke.” My breath catches in my throat and I struggle to find the words. “Clarke is….. she doesn’t….I am not sure what are you talking about?” She lets go of my face and paces in front of me. “I am well aware of my daughter being a caregiver but she will never be yours. She deserves a perfect little to look after and you will never be that. Do you understand me Jessica?” I slowly nod my head as I look at my feet. “Good, let’s make sure you don’t forget that.” She walks to the door and opens in to let two guards come in.

“NO STOP!” I scream as they use their shocking sticks to hit me over and over. “Please I’ll be good” I beg and they just continue using more force than before. “Shhh…” I hear a faint noice in the back of me head and try hard to focus. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to follow it. “… everything is okay.”

I open my eyes to see I am no longer on the ark or in my cell, I am in a building. I am no longer laying in the rain, instead I am warm and have dry clothes on, I am also……….. in someone’s arms. My brain is all fuzzy and I know I am crying but can’t stop myself. “Did we have a bad dream?” I hear a deep voice say and turn thinking it is one of the guards. It was Bellamy.

I call out for him and throw myself into his arms. It as if something inside me is saying he will keep me safe. I can still feel the tears running down my face but my head feels all fuzzy as he rubs my back, he adjusts me in his arms so my head in on his shoulder and he keeps telling me I am safe and he is here. I relax into him and lay my head on his shoulder, before I can process what I am doing my thumb is in my mouth and a part of my brain is telling me to stop but it just feels right at the moment. No one will hurt me as long as he is here, I know it.

Chapter Text

Jess POV
I wake and feel myself laying on a hard surface but it is not the ground. I use my fists to rub the sleepiness away from my eyes and see I am lying on Bellamy’s chest. Like fully on-top of him, he has his back rested again the wall and is sitting up a little on the bed with one arm holding me in place and the other above his head . I turn my head to see Clarke lying behind me on her side with an arm around my waist, I’m sandwiched between the two.

I immediately go to freak out and jump up but stop myself. I need to get out of here without waking them up. The events of last night flood my mind I want to die of embarrassment, how could I be so stupid? Not only sobbing like a baby but actually reaching out to Bellamy, and putting my THUMB IN MY MOUTH. I am going to die. My breath starts to quicken as my heart races, I have to get out. I manage to maneuver myself out of both their grasps very carefully to not wake them up and push myself down off the edge of the bed. I put a little pressure on my ankle, seeing it was freshly wrapped and-
OH. MY. GOD. What am I wearing?”
I am no longer in my clothes instead I have on a large black t shirt that reaches my knees. My arms are also wrapped, Clarke must have seen my scratches.

They took off my clothes. They saw everything.

I start to panic even more as I look around for my clothes. I spot them sitting by fire place and take light steps to grab them. I am able to put a more pressure on my ankle but there is still pain with every step causing me to limp a little bit. They are dry from sitting infront of the fire all night and I decided to wait until I get back to my tent to put them on.

My tent.

The tent that was probably spread all through out the camp by now. Think Jess think. The caves. I remember Murphy saying him and Miller stayed in one when we first got here. I will just have to find a cave to stay in for a bit, I can learn to live off the land.

I turn back to see Bellamy and Clarke laying on their bed still fast asleep. Clarke shifted over to fill in the gap I left. They deserve a perfect little, just like Dr.Griffin told me. That perfect little is definitely not me.

My pills I feel my jeans and they are no longer in the pocket. They must have fallen on the way here last night, I have to go look for them.

CREEK

The stupid door makes the loudest noise as I open it slowly. “Clar..?” Bellamys voice is deeper than usual and his eyes meet mine and I take a split second to weight my options. Run

I take off in the direction of where my tent was scanning the ground as I run, I ignore the people I pass and the pain shooting up my leg begging me to stop. “Hey wait! Murphy, grab her.” I turn to see Bellamy standing on the porch of his cabin. I feel like I just got out of a battle, gasping for my breath, am fighting off a panic attack and my body seems to beg to just give in and go back to him.

In split second my feet are off the ground and I’m planted on Murphys hip. “Thanks Murphy” I hear Bellamy say, I try to catch my breath, holding back tears since my ankle hurts even worse than it did before. I raise both my fists and start to kick my legs, hoping Murphy will drop me and I can continue to run. My fists are caught in 2 large hands just as they are about to connect with his chest. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Bellamy whispers in my ear and my whole body freezes.

“Yeah, I’m gonna let you guys deal with this is private. I’ll be helping clean up, if you need me later.” He hands me off to Bellamy as if I am a light as a piece of paper. I look anywhere but Bellamy’s eyes and see the ground is covered in debris, patches of tarp all around, leaves and tons of branches. It’ll probably take all day to clean up.

“Look!” Someone shouts out as a loud pop noise happens, I flinch and cover my ears while everyone looks to the sky. There is a something falling down the from the sky and it’s coming so fast. I go to close my eyes, scared it’s going to crash but just as I’m about to turn into Bellamy a large parachute appears above it slowing it down. “what is that?” I ask but Bellamy doesn’t say anything. Instead he holds me tighter to him and continues walking straight back to the cabin I just tried to escape.

Clarke was pulling the blankets over the bed as we come in. “I think the Ark sent a pod down” He tells her while he gently lowers me onto the bed, puts his hands on either side of my face and looks directly in my eyes. “We are going to have a long talk when I get back.” He kisses the top of my head and my stomach drops to the floor. Does he want to talk about me running out ? Or last night? Or is this finally my punishment for my outburst to Lexa.

“I’m going to take Miller and go check it out. Please have her stay inside, it’s still nasty out.” I throw myself on top the bed and let out a groan as tears stream off the side of my face, but neither of them care to acknowledge my presence. “Yes sir” Clarke says in a sarcastic tone. “ you should take Murphy too, he needs a distraction.” I sit up on my elbows to see Bellamy pulling his guard jacket on and then he grabs Clarke by the waist, pulling her into a hug and whispering something in her ear. She looks over at me and back to him giving a small nod. He gives me a stern look, “Be good for Clarke.” and then he is out the door.

Crap. Clarke continues to pick up things and clean around the large room. I deserve the silence, I have all but ruined their past twenty four hours and should leave. I sit up as I feel Clarke sitting on the bed and jerk away as she tries to pull my feet into her lap. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to check your ankle.” I slowly straighten my leg and let it rest on her thighs. She moves my foot around her, touch is soft and gentle as she checks the bandages too. “This will never heal if you don’t keep weight off it.” I bite my bottom lip giving her a small nod. I am just going to stay silent until someone needs her, eventually someone will and she will have to leave then I can leave. I’ve already been a burden to them for too long. She places her hand on my knees rubbing her thumb over it and my body relaxes, maybe I can stay a little longer.

Bellamy’s POV
“Miller. Murphy.” I walk through the camp looking for them and find them both helping cut up a fallen tree.“Hey, I want you guys to come with me. That pod could have supplies and we need to get there before someone else does. It can’t be more than a few mile walk north, meet me at the front gate in ten.”

I go around and tell everyone that Clarke will be in our cabin until I return . “Don’t bother her unless it is an emergency.” Monty and Harper both give me a funny look as I repeat the same sentence to a new group of delinquents.

“What?”

Harper lets out a little laugh and Monty clear his throat. “Mommy said that my new friend was running from your and Auntie Clarke’s money!!” Can I go play with her?” Jasper yells out jumping up and down. What….. they saw me going after Jess this morning. “Jasper honey, what I said was, She is going to give them a run for their money.” Harper kneels in front of the shorter boy and I can see her holding back her laugher, his four year old mindset clearly not understanding what she had said.

I pull Jasper off the ground and hold him in my arms. “You can’t play with her right now buddy, she has boo boos so she has to stay in bed.” His eyes fill with tears and his bottom lip shoots out. “Her played with you and Uncle Murphy, her no wants to be my friend?”

“That’s how she got the boo boo, we were just playing tag this morning. She will love to be friends with you, after she gets better. Okay buddy” His tears are instantly gone replaced with a big smile as he shakes his head up and down. “Yeah chasing your little is the most frustrating thing isn’t it? I remember the first time Jasper ran from us….. well let’s just say it didn’t end well.” Monty grabs Jasper from me and ruffles his hair . “It will be nice to have another little around, we were going to plan a day trip to the Grounders village so he can play with others but now he ca-“

“Harper.” I cut her off as she rambles on. “Jess isn’t a typically little, Clarke and I have to get her to trust us first. It will be a while before we start planning play dates.” I tell her and she stares at me for a moment.

“Okay, but when she is ready I except to be the first to know.”

“I promise” I tell her and head off to the front gate to meet Murphy and Miller. “Oh and Bellamy?” I turn my head but continue to walk. “You and Clarke are going to do great, don’t stress it.” My chest lightens and I give her a smile. I am going to try my best.

Murphy and Miller leaning against the wall as I finally get to the front gate. “Umm you said meet me in ten like thirty minutes ago.” Miller drops is voice a few octaves, doing a very bad impersonation of me. “Shut up, I got stopped by Mama bear Harper.”

On the first few days here she was panicking about everything and wouldn’t let Jasper out of her sight, now she lets the other caregivers watch him, both myself and Clarke included. We have become aunts and uncles to the little boy.

They both laugh at the nickname, that we are too scared to say to her face, and we head on our way.

We talk about the damages from the storm for the first trek of our hike and they tell me nothing was damaged that will take more than a day to fix. I feel relief that everyone was willing to help and no one had gotten hurt. I wouldn’t have to organize and oversee cleaning crews and Clarke would be able to stay inside with Jess, who would have probably gotten hurt had she not found her.

“So are you going to tell me how all that happened?” Murphy asks matching my pace as we walk gesturing in the direction back to camp. “What do you mean all that?”

“Was I hallucinating last night when you busted into my cabin asking me to help you find Jess? Or how about this morning when you had me grab her as she limped away from of your cabin? Also wearing your shirt might I add. Or did none of that happen?” I hate that we had an audience for that situation this morning and last night feels like a century ago.

“Honestly man I am not sure, she is clearly a little but she has so many walls up. Clarke and I have talked about it but its going to be a lot easier said then done.” Murphy puts a hand on shoulder giving it a squeeze. “You are going to be wrapped around her little finger. I knew she was a little the second she tried to get out of her harness on the drop ship. I was to focused on Raven to realize the little beside me needed help.” I drew in a breath imagining her scared on the drop-ship, I could have been there if I wasn’t too focused on finding Octavia and helping everyone else. “Then everything going on at camp and the Grounders, she was pushed to the back of my mind. I wasn’t what she needed and I couldn’t just give up on Raven for her, but I am so happy she has you. And Clarke.” He gives me smile and for the first time in a long time I can stay I am truly happy. He looks to the sky and I give him a minute, I can’t imagine what he is going through. Jess isn’t even officially our little and my heart aches at the idea of never seeing her again. He whispers out, “I would give anything to be with her again.”

“Guys look” Millers points ahead and there is a break in the trees, the ground pulled up on either sides, the trench was about five feet wide and I couldn’t see the end from where we stand. Whatever came down must have came down hard, there were broken metal shards lining the trail that must have fallen off on the rough landing. “Well now all we have to do is follow the path, easy peasy” Miller says as he leads the way “ Yeah easy peasy.” I turn to Murphy who is still lost in thought.

“I know this sucks but Clarke and I are here for you whenever and maybe even your new niece.” It was out of my mouth before I could think, so much for not getting my hopes up. He turns to me with a smile on his face. “Trust me Bell, there is nothing better in life than being a Daddy to a little girl. When I used to come home from work, I’d be dead on my feet and ready to just go to bed. But if Raven was home before me, she would jump into my arms like she hadn’t seen me in months before I could even get inside.”

I imagine Jess jumping into my arms after coming home from a long day and my smile. Yeah I am definitely wrapped around her finger.

“Hey I think I see an evac pod” We all run along the path and there in the middle of the open field is a small pod with the top ripped off and chunks of the side missing. “Man I really hope nobody was flying that thing down, looks like it got ripped to shreds.” Miller says as we walk around the broken pieces of metal lying around.

“Is someone there?” We all freeze when we hear a voice call out. “HELP ME!” We all scrabble trying to find the location of where the person is calling out from. I cup my hands to my mouth and shout out. “We are going to find you. Keep yelling, we are going to follow your voice.” We all remain still, ears straining to hear which direction it is coming from.

“OVER HERE!”

Murphy takes off to his right and Miller and I follow closely behind. We stop at the edge of the cliff, all our heads turning around for where they could be. Then a broken “Please help me.” is heard and my gut sinks. There about eight feet down is a girl with her dark hair in pony tail is standing on a small ledge with her body pressed against the cliff side. Miller and I barely grab ahold of Murphy as he almost runs off the edge.

“RAVEN”

Well shit. “Murphy. Murphy! Look at me, you need to pull yourself together. You freaking out isn’t going to help us get her safe.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Okay, how are we going to get her up here?” I look around at the debris scattered around, the parachute. “Here we can use the rope from the parachute, lower it to down for her to grab and pull her up.” Miller uses his knife to cut it away from the top of the pod as Murphy and I pull it straight making sure we have enough.

“We are coming baby, just hold on a second longer.” Murphy calls over the edge, his voice shakes a little. I pull on the material making sure it wont give. “Raven, honey we are going to pull you up. Grab the rope.” I shout down as we slowly lower the rope. I let out a breath of relief when she grabs ahold, but only for a second then she falls back to the ledge. “I…..I can’t. It hurtsss. ” She sobs out and Murphy throws his hands over his head and starts to pace around.

“Lower me down, I can grab her and pull us up together.”

Miller stands in front of me and I look at him for a second, processing what he just said. There is not a drop of fear in his eyes and he stands solid. He is a neural so he is a little bit shorter than Murphy and I, so the both of us could pull the two of them up, considering Raven is a lot smaller too. “Murphy?”

I turn to see him taking off his belt and attaching it to the rope, making some sort of harness contraption . “Miller you better hold onto her like your life depends on it….. because it just might. I swear she is never leaving my sight again. I’m gonna build a sling and st…..” He rambles on and I look over at Miller, he seems a little scared now but I throw my arm around his shoulders and whisper “Mama-bear Harper is about to have some competition.” It seems to break the tension and he lets out a small laugh. “Y’all better not drop me.”

Miller pulls his legs through the belt loops and walks to the edge. We put the rope around a tree trunk to help with the extra weight and he gives a fake salute as we lower him down. “Man I think he needs to lay off the seconds.” Murphy grunts out as we slowly pull the rope out making me laugh. “Let’s just be thankful he is with us, I could’ve never pulled you by myself.”

“Just a few more feet…… OK. OK. Stop!” He hold tight and I hear a faint yelp. “Okay pull us up. Try to go slow, she is really hurt.” I feel the rope shake and can sense Murphy tensing up but I don’t say anything as we pull them up. I spot the top of Millers head, “I can hold them, help him up and get her.” Before I can finish my sentence Murphy is running to them. I lean back with the extra weight added, my palms are burning and I try to focus on my breathing. The rope suddenly gives in and Miller is now standing on solid ground with an unconscious Raven in his arms.

Murphy gathers her in his arms, “Daddy is here, wake up sweetie. Please Raven.” His voices starts to shake and I take a look at her. She has a gasp on her forehead that may need stitches, her arm is definitely broken, and. Oh shit

There is a piece of metal sticking out her knee.

“We have to get her to Clarke fast, she can help her. We can send others for the supplies, let’s go.” Raven lets out a small whimper as her body sways in Murphys arms. “It’s okay babygirl, Daddy is here. We are going to get Auntie Clarke is going to fix all your boo boos.” he strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head. I quicken my pace and lead the way back home, back to my girls. I hope they have had a good day, because Clarke is going to have a long night.


Back at Camp Jess POV

After Clarke rewrapped my ankle and arms we had a knock at the door. “Hey Bellamy said not to bother you but I saw you didn’t come to breakfast so I brought you some.” A guy stands at the door holding out a bowl of something to her. “Thank you Adam, could you bring me an extra bowl? I have my…… a patient in here.” She hesitates a second and I feel a wave of sadness when she says patient. I am being stupid, she is a doctor and I was brought here because of my injuries. That was the only reason she got me last night, because I was a patient. She hands me the bowl of porridge looking stuff and sits beside me.

KNOCK
There is another knock at the door and even though it doesn’t thrill me for people to come and see me like this, I am so thankful for the distraction so we don’t have to talk about my injuries, present or past ones, or my trip to the Grounder village. “Clarke, Bellamy said to only come to you if it was an emergency and I think this kind of his.” I start to eat as Clarke opens the door and in walks a girl with pale skin and darker hair. “Fox, you can come to me emergency or not. We just thought it would be better if I stayed in one place today since he went out.” She leads her to sit on a chair at the table. I am basically invisible at this point, neither of them looking my way. “Oh yeah, we saw him, Murphy and Miller leaving. Were they going to see that thing that fell from the sky? I wanted to ask but I was hel-“

I scrape the sides of my bowl as the continues on giving a full run down of her morning. “Fox. Why did you come here exactly?” Clarke looks at me and smiles I feel myself blush. “Oh yeah sorry. Well I was helping clean up with Adam and Luke around the camp and I said we should lay the wood out to dry and we can burn it later. Well actually they wanted t-“

“Get to the point please.” Clarke says calmly and I hold back a laugh at the girls reaction to being cut off for the second time. “I smashed my finger and I think it is broken.” She says quickly and holds up her finger, that looks no different than the rest of them. “It doesn’t seem to be broken, might just have stubbed it. I can wrap it if you would like but the pain will go away in the next hour.” Clarke walks over to the shelf’s and grabs some fabric. Fox starts to talk again and I play with the spoon and fork trying to ignore the headache she is giving me. If anyone comes to Clarke with a real injury she will have to go to the infirmary for supplies, there’s no way she can stay in here all day. I sit the bowl down and lay back on the bed, I need to make an actual plan to leave.

First I definitely need to find my pants unless I want to freeze to death, my legs are bare and lined with bruises from my recent adventures. I play with the hem at the bottom of the shirt, the material is really soft and the way it swallows my body makes feel all warm and ha- No. I can’t think like that I haven’t had my suppressants all day and I am feeling the effects. I will have to go to Lincoln, unless I am able to find my vial. I also need to get some rations to take with me when I go maybe even…. Oh no, the breakfast Clarke gave me turns in my stomach. I am going to be sick.

“Broken finger my butt. She just came in here to be nosey and talk, that girl cou…..Jess?” I can hear her voice but the room starts spinning and I feel my breakfast this morning coming back up. Before I can get words out to tell her to move, I lean forward and throw up.

Right on Clarke

Usually throwing up makes the person feel better but it doesn’t make me feel better, now I feel even worse. I start to apologize but nonsense comes out instead and I try to prepare myself for Clarke to yell at me, hit me or throw me out and I start to sob making my head hurt more.

“Oh honey…. shhhhh. It’s okay, is your tummy upset?” She rubs my back and pulls my hair away from my face. “I will be right back, if you need to throw up again do it in this.” I see her place a small container beside the bed as she hurries around the room.
My head is spinning and my vision gets fuzzy when she rushes over to me in throw up free clothes and gently takes my head in her hands as she wipes my mouth with a wet rag then helps me lay down kissing my forehead. “I am going to help you feel better baby, I will be right back.” I reach out for her but she goes out the door. I pull my legs up and curl into a ball, I wish she was still here rubbing my back.

..honey…baby… Clarkes voice replays in my head and I start to cry harder wishing she was here. She has been gone forever and she promised she would be right back. Stop thinking like that I am torn between craving Clarkes comfort and hating it. This only makes my head hurt even worse and I wrap an arm around my stomach as it turns again. I don’t have enough time to sit up as I throw up again, but this time all over the bed and myself.

“I’m back, I’m so sorry I took so long. Mo-I had to find someone to help me. Put in right in front of the fire thank you so much.” I don’t even register what she is saying, or the fact there are two guys walking in carrying something. All I know is half my brain is screaming to run and the other half wants her to hold me. I decide the other half. I hold my hands out to her and cry more when she ignores my plea to be held. Something in my brain snaps as she turns away from me and walks in the opposite direction to add wood to the fire. The part of my brain telling me to stop becomes smaller and smaller until all I want is for her to come back to me. I try to get her attention but she ignores me and I cry even harder. She still has her back to me and a strange but comforting feeling rushes through my body. I stand to my feet to go to her but everything hurts too much and as I fall back to the bed I feel the sick feeling again.

“Mommy help!”

I feel relieved when she turns around only for it to go away as my throat starts to burn, she runs over and hold the container under my mouth as I throw up for the third time today. “Mommy’s here baby. I got you.” She rubs my back and I lean into her but instead of holding me she backs away , why is she not helping me? She said she would make me feel better. “Let’s get you out of these clothes.” She carefully slips the shirt off my body without having any of the yucky stuff on it touch my face or hair. My tummy and head are still hurting, but her gently touches make me feel a little better. “Let’s get you all cleaned up.” She places her hand on my back and I move away. A flash of my mother enters my mind and I am terrified.

“No. No. No. No. No……I’m sowwy. Pwease I’m sowwyyyyyy.” My back collides with the wall and I pull my knees up to sheild myself, I I can hear my own voice slurring but don’t care. My stomach hurts but I have nothing left to throw up. I let myself slip too much and now she is going to hurt me. “Look at me. Please honey look me at.” I glance up to meet her eyes and they are full of worry as she scans my face.

“Jessica, I am not going to hurt you. Now or ever, I promise.” I flinch at the use of my name, only the bad people called me that. I closed and my eyes and shake my head no, over and over. “No call me Jessica.” I tell her, only a small part of me now caring that I talked like a child.

“Okay I will not call you that, would you like me to say Jess or is it okay if I call you baby.” I shake my head yes, opening my eyes to see her kneeling at the edge of the bed smiling. I like when her and Bellamy call me cute names, it makes me happy inside. “and sweetheawt” I say and she lets out a laugh. “Yes baby, Dad-Bell calls you sweetheart. Now can we get the rest of your clothes off and get you in the bath? Monty was very nice and let me steal Jaspers bath before he got in and I don’t want it to get cold.” I hold my hands out to her and she smiles big as stands up and gently pulls me into her arms. “Let’s get my baby clean.”

She lowers me into barrel and relax into the warm water. This is the first bath I’ve had, well in my whole life since the river water is too cold and I am not strong enough to carry the large buckets of water I haven’t bathed since being here and back on the ark showering was slim because of water rations and then….. I push the thought out of my mind. Instead I watch Clarke put the blanket, Bellamys shirt, and her pants in a basket and she opens the door setting it on the porch. There is not an ounce of anger on her face at the fact she is cleaning up another’s persons mess.

I am safe, happy and about to be clean here with her.

“I am going to wash your hair, keep your eyes closed so soap doesn’t get in them.” I close my eyes as she pours water over my head and sigh as the massages the soap into my hair. “I asked around and no one else got sick from the food. Must be from being in the cold last night, hey. Don’t fall asleep on me, can’t have you drowning in the bathtub.”

“I wont. I pinky promise.” I hold out my pinky to her and she wraps hers around mine. It was something I saw Jasper do once with Harper and I guess it had stayed in my mind. Jasper was so lucky, he got this all the time, he was able to relax and got taken care of. Clarke grabs a wash rag and rubs around my shoulders and holds my arm out gently rubbing the scabs. “I want to talk to you about this, but it can wait until you are big” She doesn’t wait for a response, just moves on quickly washing the rest of my body and places a kiss on the crown of my head. “Time to get out baby.”

“Stand up, careful with your ankle.” She wrings my hair out into the water and wraps me up in the towel. She puts down another blanket on the bed and sits me on it. “Do you wear your clothes or Daddy’s shirt.” She holds up my clean clothes in one hand and a massive comfy tshirt in the other. Neither of us acknowledge she called it Daddy’s shirt and it makes me feel happy, I’m getting cold and it would be much warmer than my small clothes. I point to the shirt and let myself smile as she slips in on me along with a pair of underwear. “Do you still feel sick?” I shake my head yes, I don’t feel as sick but now my whole body hurts and I’m freezing. “Mommy is going to brush your hair and once you are all dry we can go to the infirmary and we can get some medicine to make you feel less yucky.”

I sit on the bed between her legs as she runs the brush through the tangles. “I’m sorry, you have so many knots. I am going to braid it so we won’t have this problem again.” She hums a tune as she finishes brushing my hair until the brush guides through it. “Do you want one or two braids?” I hold up two fingers and she continues to hum has she parts my hair down the middle quickly braiding both sides. “All done, there is Mommy’s pretty little girl.” She places me on her lap and I lean into her and shiver as I feel her body heat radiating off.

“Jess I need to ask you an important question?” I move my head up but don’t try to pull away from the warmth. “The whole conversation can wait until Bellamy gets home but. Sorry this is making me nervous.” She shakes her body and I wrap my arms around my belly, her sudden movement makes me feel sick again. “What I want to say is. Would you like us to be your Mommy and Daddy? We will take care of you, protect you and love you no matter what…..You can take some time to think about it.”

Woah.

I want to scream yes but I need to get my head in the right headspace. I am well aware that I am on the edge of dropping since I haven’t taken a pill in a long time. I should be terrified, I was raised to believe this is the worst thing ever, being a burden on someone and excepting them to take care of me, no one wanted that.

But Clarke didn’t make me feel like a burden at all today.

When I ran away she welcomed me back, she saw my scares and she didn’t push for answers, she rubbed my back when I got sick and didn’t even care that I threw up on her and after that bath, she brushed my hair something no one has ever done for me. All the emotions make me feel worse and tears roll down my face as I cuddle closer to her warm chest. I want her to make me feel better.

“Mommy” I feel her heart start to beat faster and she holds me tighter and lightly rocks us.

“I would love to be your Mommy.” She leans down and kisses my forehead. “Awww baby, you are burning up.” She places her hand on my forehead and then lifts the shirt putting it on my back making me cry out . “I’m so sorry, you have a fever.” She moves me on around so my legs on either side of her and pulls a blanket around my body. It is so warm as my body shivers against hers. “Let’s go find something to make my baby feel better.” She presses her finger to my nose. “I bet when Bellamy…”

“Daddy” I say quietly, I can see him through the window running up the cabin.

She freezes as she stands from the bed and her whole face lights up. “Yes baby, Daddy. When he gets home he can give you cuddles because he is a bigger and warmer than Mommy.” She clearly didn’t see him outside as she walks us in front of the fire, warming my back. “This will get you warm and can help your hair dry, going out with wet hair will just make you sicker.” The door flies open and Daddy puts his hands on his knees and breaths hard.

“Clarke….Lincoln…..Raven hurt….infirmary.” He mumbles a bunch of words and I look between the two of them. Suddenly I am pushed into his arms, “Mommy, no stay.” I start to cry and reach out for her the harsh movement making my tummy feel sick all over again but he has a firm grip on me. “I need to go help someone, I will bring you back medicine. You have to stay with Daddy.” She kissed my cheek and looks to Bellamy. “She’s L-I-T-T-L-E, I’ll fill you in later.” Then she runs out the door and my whole body shakes as I lean forward throwing up on the floor. “Daddy ‘m sowwy”

“Oh…. oh! It’s okay, Mommy has to help another sick little girl. Let me clean this up and I will hold you.” He lays me on the bed and goes to clean up my mess. Why would she leave go to help another little girl after she called me HER baby. That’s not fair. I feel suddenly very tired and close my eyes. I wrap the fur blanket closer to my body and hope sleep will make me feel better.

Chapter Text

Bellamy’s POV

“Daddy” Jess’s voice plays over and over in my head. She really called me that and even called Clarke “Mommy”. I am so excited I don’t even care that I am cleaning up puke off the floor. I do hate that the first real drop I might have with her is when she doesn’t feel good. I take the dirty rags and used water out of the cabin and put them in the basket on the porch.

Our poor baby, she must have been sick all day. She is sound asleep on the bed when I come back in, all wrapped up in furs. She twitches a little and I can see her eyes moving around under her closed lids. I debate what to do, I should dump the water out of the tub they used in case someone else needs it but I also want to hold her. I’ll just get everything done now so I can hold her for longer.

I walk out the cabin and just call out to the first person I see “Hey Adam, come help me get this tub out of here” The tall boy stops in his tracks and immediately comes to help me. We walk a little ways behind the cabin to dump it. “How is the girl doing? I brought Clarke some breakfast for her this morning but I heard her crying and didn’t want to disturb them.”

Ugh. I hate myself for leaving them this morning, but if I hadn’t left who knows what would have happened to Raven.
AHHHHH
As if on cue, we both freeze as Ravens screams fill the air around us. She must have finally woken up, hopefully Lincoln has something to knock her out again. Running into Lincoln was pure luck as we made our way back. He didn’t even question anything, just saw the injured girl and followed us back to camp.

“We can just leave it here, if someone needs it let them know.” We sit the large barrel over and I rush back to the cabin. Jess is still fast asleep, I am so thankful Ravens screams didn’t wake her. I strip my coat and boots off and gather her in my arms gently. She cuddles into me and my heart about explodes. I sit on the bed and cradle her in my lap, maybe I will take a little nap too. The camp is cleaned, lunch crew has most likely started cooking by now and Clarke has Lincoln to help with Ravens injuries. I lean back against the wall and close my eyes, I really hope Jess wakes up feeling better.

2 hours later
I wake up and see her sleeping on my chest, I place my hand on her forehead, still burning up. Clarke said she would bring her medicine but must still be working on Raven. My stomach rumbles, I can go get some lunch and grab Jess some medicine on the way back. I shake her lightly but her eyes stay closed, I will be quick. I throw my jacket on and take one last glance before I head out the door.

Jess POV

My whole body hurts when I open my eyes, I expect Clarke or Bellamy to come running to my side but no one appears. I sit up slowly to see that I am all alone. “Jessica. I jump back as I see a woman standing in the opposite corner of the room. I squeeze my eyes shut, but she is still there. “Do you really think they care? You are a worthless little piece of shi-“

“Mother?”

She starts walking to me and I freeze. How did she get down her? Where is Bellamy? Why would he leave me? The closer she gets the more I panic, I feel trapped. The room starts to close in on me and I can only think of one thing to do. GET OUT
“Daddy Mommy help me!” I call out but no one comes. I jump off the bed and rush to the door. “Not so fast” I am outside before I can think and met with a gush of freezing air that hits me in the chest. I can barely breathe “Jessica get back here right now!” I hear my mother yell behind me, I cover my ears and take off through the camp.

“Go away. Go away! LEAVE ME ALONE!” I scream at her as she chases me. I run until I find myself at the wall, I am trapped. The wall seems to come down and moves around me as the trees start to shout at me. I hear footsteps coming behind me and throw myself to the ground trying to protect by body from what ever she has planned. My chest feels like someone is squeezing it, I feel numb from the cold but Im still shaking and head pounds as I cry harder. I feel her hand touch my shoulder and try to jerk my body away.

“Sweetie, are you okay?”

The voice is no longer my mother’s harsh tone, instead it was soft and comforting. “Shhh, I am not going to hurt you. It is too cold to be out here in your PJs. Where is your Mommy and Daddy little one?” I turn to see Harper, Jaspers Mommy kneeling beside me. “M…mom…..mommy and da……daddy leave meeee.” I gasp trying to get the words out and she pulls me into her lap. “You are freezing sweetie. Why don’t I take you back to my cabin and I will go find your Mommy and Daddy, does that sound good?” I nod my head and wrap my arms around her neck as she stands. “Shhh, I know it’s scary but you are going to make yourself sick crying so hard.” I take a deep breath in but it only makes my head and chest hurt more.

I have stopped crying when we get to her cabin but I am still shivering and my head hurts so bad everything is blurry to me.“Monty go find Bellamy or Clarke.” Monty is sitting in front of the fireplace and just looks at me. “Now Monty.”
He jumps up, pulls his jacket on and is out the door. “Mommy! You is back!” Jasper runs out of the room on the opposite side, the sudden loud noise makes me feel like my head is going to blow up. I cover my ears and push my head into her chest and small whimpers escape my mouth. “Jasper honey, she doesn’t feel good. Is it okay if she lays in your bed for a little bit while your Daddy goes to find hers?” I dont hear him saying anything but Harper moves deeper into the cabin.

I look from her chest and see placed against the wall is a smaller bed with the sides higher up all around it. Almost like a cage, is this what littles sleep in? She goes to lay me in it but I cling tighter to her. “No leave.” What if I wake up and she is gone just like they were?

“I will just be in the other room. I’m not leaving this cabin.” I hesitantly let go and she covers me up with blankets. “Her no feel good?” Jasper asks staring at me from behind Harper. “No buddy she doesn’t” He moves so he is standing beside the bed and leans over the railing. “Does her want Max?”

“What is Max?”

Jasper runs to the corner of his room and grabs something, a cluster of fabric tied together with a face stitched on it. “Max helps with boo boos and scary dreams. Mommy gots him for me.” He puts him beside me and I run my hand over him. “Tank you J” I snuggle into the warm blankets, maybe my Mommy and Daddy will get me a Max too. “Is it okay if Jasper lays with you? It is his nap time too and that way you wont be alone?” Jasper doesn’t wait for my answer and just crawls in the small bed with me, we fit perfectly laying side by side. “I’ll be in the main room if one of you needs me. Sweet dreams.” Harper kisses both our heads and leaves us.

“I’m sorry you don’t feel good. We don’t have to nap, but we have to be quiet if you want to talk. ” Wasn’t he just in little space, how did he age up so fast? “Are you…”

“Big?” He whispers.

“Yeah, how do you do that?” I turn to lay on my side so we are face to face.

“You can’t make yourself be big?”

“Not that I know of….I went into little space for the first time yesterday.” He looks at me shocked and before I go to explain he grabs my hand and laces our fingers. “It really isn’t all bad. As long as you have great people looking out for you, and trust me Clarke and Bellamy are the best.” I don’t know how to respond to that. I know they are but it’s more complicated than that.
“Actually I don’t want to talk, my head hurts and I’m getting tired. Goodnight.” I go to turn away but he holds my hand tighter. “Sweet dreams.” He repeats the words Harper told us and closes his eyes. Sweet dreams don’t sound to bad right now.

Clarkes POV

I sit down on the floor next to Lincoln and we both watch as Murphy whispers something into Ravens ear as she lays asleep on the table. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t shown up. Thank you.” He places his hand on my knee and gives it a squeeze. “Clarke you are a great healer, you could have done all that without me”

Lincoln was working on her knee when I arrived and I addressed the wound on her head. We worked as fast as we could be she had woken up when we went to pop her shoulder back into place. I am pretty sure it took four guys to hold Murphy back outside but now she was alright. She would have to wear a knee brace for a while and she probably has a concussion but she is still alive. Thank Goodness.

“Bellamy said he met you on the way back. Why were you coming this way? The meeting for the peace treaty isn’t for a few more days.” He looks to Murphy and Raven then back to me. “Can we go somewhere else to speak? Let’s let them be alone.” I lead him out the infirmary. “Hey how is Raven doing?” Bellamys walks past us with two plates of food. “What are you doing out here? Where is Jess?” I got so focused on fixing Raven I forgot all about bringing her medicine.

“That is why I came today, to talk to you about the little.” Bellamy and I both look at Lincoln. “What do you mean?

Lincoln tells us how Jess asked him for something to block out her little side, and she has even been taking pills for it. “Please tell me you didnt give her anything.” Bellamys voice is full as much worry as I currently feel. She has probably been taking those pills for at least a year. “Of course not, I have her some Nettleweed, it is a plant we give littles. It helps the younger ones maintain weight who don’t eat enough meat.” I feel relief that he didnt give her suppressants. He didn’t give her suppressants
“Bellamy, where is Jess?”

“I left her in the cabin, she was asleep when I left and I’ve only been gone a few minutes. Why?”

“She is going through withdrawals from the suppressants, not sick from the storm.” Crap. Bellamy takes action first running to the cabin and I am quick on his heels. “Sweetheart?” We look around the cabin but she is gone. “Okay, she definitely didnt leave camp. I have patrols on the wall and at the front gate. She most likely woke up and is looking for us. I go left you go right?” He gives me a smile and I almost feel like laughing.

“Hey at least it’s daylight and not raining. Let’s not make this a regular thing.”

“Are y’all looking for someone?” We walk out the cabin to Monty standing in front of us, a huge smile on his face as he rocks on his feet. “Come with me.” He waves us along. “Harper came in carrying her and just told me to come get you guys. I dont know anything else.” He help up his hands in defense as he opens his cabin door.

Harper sits in front of the fire making something with fabric scraps and I scan the room. “Harper where-“

She brings a finger to her lips and I am go silent but give her a confused look. She stands and leads us to the side room and slowly opens the door. Bellamy grabs my hand and my heart triples at the sight in front of me. Jess and Jasper are laying in the small bed side by side, Jasper on his back and Jess on her side with her head resting on his shoulder. There hands are interlocked together.

“Look at my boy, he may just have some game after all” Monty whisper laughs behind us. Bellamy lets go of my hand and crosses his arms over his chest with a hard look on his face. “Yeah, maybe we should hold off on play dates.” We all laugh at his protectiveness and both their heads shoot up.

“Ready to go home sweetheart?” He kneels beside the lower bed and pushes some of her hair behind her hair. She pulls away from his touch and makes a mean look, well she probably thinks she looks mean and I have to turn away to not awe at the cuteness, “No.” She lays back down and pulls the covers over both her and Jaspers head. I look towards Harper and Monty hoping they could give me a no help but they look just as confused as us. “Why don’t you want to come home? I have some medicine that makes you feel less yucky.”

Her hand shoots out of the blanket with her palm up. Bellamy covers his laugh with a couch and looks to me. “She gets her stubbornness from you.” I go to tell him that’s not how it works, considering we haven’t even had her a full twenty four hours. They move under the covers and I hear Jasper take in a deep breath.

“Mommy, hersmakinganotgoodface.”
Monty jumps to pull the blankets back and hauls Jasper out of the bed. My heart shatters, Jess lays curled up holding stomach and tears rolling down her face.

“Tummy huwts”
I beat Bellamy to her and gently gather her up trying not to rustle her too much. “Let’s get you home baby.’’ I mouth a “thank you” to Harper as we exit their cabin.

Once we get back to our cabin I give her some of the herbs Lincoln had given me and she falls right to sleep. “I have so many questions.” Bellamy paces the room running his hand through his hair. I cover her up and decide to sit at the table. “I’m not sure how many I can answer because I probably have just as many.”

“When did she drop?”

“She got sick a little after you left but I think she was dropping before that. I gave her a bath and cleaned her up. She wanted to wear your shirt.” He sits beside me and grins. “Yeah I noticed that.” He grabs my hand and runs his thumb over my knuckles. “I’m not sure about you but I am ready for this. I’ve been talking with Murphy and seeing Jasper with Monty and Harper, it’s like this piece of me has been missing and I hadn’t even realized until her.” I tear up and can only offer him a nod, knowing I am two seconds away from full on crying. He stands and starts pacing again. “Do you know how old she is? Or if she needs a diaper? What about if she-“

“Bellamy.” I put my hands on his chest stopping him, letting myself laugh a little him. “You know just as much as I do. Oh actually, do not call her Jessica. I did and she had a major freak out.”

“Good thing I wasn’t even aware that was her real name. How did you know that?” Oh God. The files, I hadn’t even shown Bellamy. “Her medical files I found. Stay here and actually watch her, I think you might want to see them.”

A little time jump

Bellamy sits beside me as he reads over the paper, his leg bounces under the table and I am see his breath quicken. “Clarke, how did this not get flagged? How did your mother not report all these injuries?” The same things I thought. “I’m not sure, abuse wasn’t a common thing of the ark for fear of being floated.”

He throws the paper down and folds his hands over his knees. He is definitely feeling the same way I did. How could anyone hurt someone this bad, especially your own blood. Even worse a little. “We can talk to her about it when she wakes up, but we have to be easy. I don’t want to scare her off.” Bellamy smacks the table and stands to his feet. “I swear if I ever meet this women. She is dead.”

“Shhh, you’re gonna wake up…” I look to the bed and Jess is sitting up with wide eyes. “You woke her up.” We both move over to sit on the bed with her, wanting to give her some space but also close enough for comfort. “Hey sweetheart, can we talk? Here take some more medicine, I don’t want you to feel yucky again.” She takes the herb from my hand and she moves closer to Bellamy. Ugh, well there goes my chance of having a Mommy’s girl.

“How old are you right now?” I ask and I can see the wheels turning in her eyes. “I’m eighteen.” Okay so she is big right now, I eye Bell to try and get him to ask her something but he clearly miss reads the room. “Why did you take suppressants?”

Great job Honey.

I see her physically go stiff and her body starts to shake. “Hey, it’s okay. We are just worried about you.” I glared at Bellamy and he gives me an “I’m sorry” look. “No- No, it’s okay” Her voice is shaky but she sits up a little more and pulls her knees to her chest, a protective stance. “You can tell us as little or as much as you want. We will be here either way.” She looks at both of us and bites her lips.

Jess POV

I think for second, I don’t need to tell them everything. Just enough so that they understand why I was on them. “Ummmm so when I was around fourteen I started showing signs that I was a….” I look at them and they both are giving me their full attention and faces full of what I think is sadness or maybe concern. “…. yeah. My mother wasn’t very happy about it because we needed the extra income and littles cant work enough to make a decent amount.” I look up and try to blink some tears away but a few escape and I wipe them off my chin. “So my mother talked to your mom, Dr Griffin, and she put me on them. It was a win-win, I didnt have to be a burden to someone and she got the extra income for her…” I am so stupid, I stop myself before I can continue. Why would I say I am a burden to the people I am literally staying with right now. “Anyways, that’s why.”

“But even on suppressants your test should have still come back Little status.”

Clarke reaches out for my hand and I pull away from her touch. “I never asked how she managed to do that and it wasn’t like she cared enough to tell me. I was just an extra income to her.” The past memories come flooding and a voice in me screams to just open up to them but it is not that easy.

“Can I ask you one more question then we can be done for the night?” She asks, I look to her and she uses her thumb to whip under my eyes. I wasn’t even aware I was crying until now. “S-sure.”

“What did you do to get locked up for?”

The reason I got locked up. I shake my head no and my chest tightens, all the air seems to leave the room and I start gasping for breath. I cry out and can feel myself shaking. “No no no no….” I hear myself repeat over and over. I am pulled into one of their laps and pressed into a hard chest. Bellamy. He cradles me in his lap rocking up and whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

“Shhh you are safe here…………. Listen to my heart beat……………Follow my breathing……in….. and out………….There you go my little princess.”

I calm down enough to look back at Clarke who runs her hands along my braids. “Whatever you did, it’s all forgiven done here. Just remember that.” I pushed that memory down into a deep part of me and tried to lock it way forever. I can’t tell them about that, not when they are still deciding if they want me to be their little or not.

We sit in a comfortable silence for a little bit longer and then Clarke stands to her feet and claps her folding them together. “I’ll get a wash rag, we can wipe your face off and it will make you feel better. Then how about we go get some dinner, I don’t think any of us have eaten since breakfast and you need some food in that belly.”

“Mm not hungry.” I tell them, I really don’t want to throw up again and I feel exhausted from my cry. “You have to eat, your body is going through withdrawals from taking those pills for so long and you need to drink some water or you’ll get dehydrated. Food will help too.” Oh. That does make sense.

“I’m pretty sure I heard Atom say the hunting group brought back deer. It should be good” Bellamy says in a sign song voice. “Okay, but can I put some pants on please.” They both laugh and I feel myself lighten up, the good fuzzy feeling coming back. “Of course, here you are.” Clarke helps me into my jeans and Bellamy turns around as she takes his shirt off of me replacing it with mine. “It’s a little chilly outside, she made need something warmer than that tiny jacket.”
My jacket isn’t tiny. I cross my arms and turn towards him. “My jacket no tiny, it’s big”

He smiles at me and grabs something from the shelf. “It’s not tiny, just too light. Here you wear mine.” He pulls the hoodie over my head and it swallows my body. I let out a laugh as I swing my arms, the material covering my hands as it flops around. “Jess, baby how old are you right now?” I have to think hard. I know I’m eighteen but my brain feels little as I’m slipping. But in a good way. I squeeze my eyes shut so I can think. Oh I know.

“I’m this many.” I proudly hold up my three fingers and smile big at them. They both look at each other and back to me. Daddy moves to me and swoops me into his arm, holding me on his side. “Come on, let’s get some food into this belly.” He pressed his fingers into my side and I squirm trying to get away. A bunch of giggles escaped my mouth. “Oh Clarke, I think our little princess is ticklish” His fingers attack my sides and I gasp for breath as I laugh. “DADDDY PWEASEE STOP.” Mommy just stands there and lets him attack me, she even laughs too.

I am a little nervous to be seen being carried through camp but not one person says anything or even looks at us. I see Harper and she waves us over, “Someone is looking better. Monty will be back in a minute, he took Murphy and Raven some food” She squeezes my knee and Daddy sits us down beside them.

“Wanna go play!” Jasper appears beside my head. “She can after she eats, if she wants to.” Mommy tells me, he huffs and goes to sit back beside his mommy. I eat my deer meat as fast as I can, it was actually really good. “Can I go play now? PWWEAASEEEE!” All the caregivers laugh as Jasper and I beg them and they all give us an okay.

“Come on Jess, I wanna show you something.” I smile as I follow my new friend around and look back at my new Mommy and Daddy. Maybe my life on the ground won’t be that bad after all. “This is our new friend, hers name is Raven. My mommy said her needs to sleep more before we can play but I think we should say hi” We walk into Murphys cabin and up to the bed holding the sleeping girl. Now I have two new friends.
question I asked many times.

Chapter Text

Jess POV

“Her was hurt but my Mommy fixed her up” I love having a Mommy that helps people, it makes me super happy. “Daddy?” She rubs her eyes and looks around before she sees us. “Hi!” Jasper all but screams and her eyes get super big like he scared her. “Jasper shhhh. Her is scawed.” I sit beside her on the bed and hold her hand. “It’s otay. I was scawed too.” She goes to sit up and jerks like she is in pain. Jasper helps her sit up and I feel myself getting bigger in the situation.

“My name is Jasper, this is Jess. Our Mommies and Daddies are friends with your Daddy. I am sooooo happy you are here.” Jasper seems to age up fast where it takes me a few minutes to fully get there. “I’m Raven.” Her voice is scratchy. Jasper starts to tell her all about the ground and all the things we can do once she heals up. She stares at both of us and rubs her eyes like I do when I get my headaches. “Do you need Clarke? She can help your head.”

“You mean your Mommy?” Jasper looks at me with concern and I ignore him, it comes easy when I am dropped but I am not sure how they feel having someone who is only a few years younger calling them Mommy and Daddy when big.

“Clarke is your caregiver?”

Before I can even open my mouth or give her a nod Jasper springs beside us. “Yes and Bellamy is her Daddy.” Good to see he is just as hyper when he is big. “Do you want us to go get Clarke or not?” She looks between us and gives me a small nod. I go to stand up but Jasper is already running out the door. We sit in silence for a second.

“So you came down here just for Murphy?”

She doesn’t answer, why would I even say that. Read the room Jess. “Umm sorta I guess.” She lets out a little laugh and I feel so much better. “That and they said the communications went out but they actually fixed the oxygen problem two days after you guys left. Kinda ironic isn’t it.” She laughs but quickly stops then winces. “Fuck my head hurts.”

“I know you are hurt but watch your language.” Murphy says from the doorway as him, Clarke and Bellamy enter the cabin. “ Hm sorry.” Clarke takes her head into her hands, “Let me check your head sweetie.” and I feel something in my chest.

Jealousy?” No. No way.

“She needs to rest some more. Be thankful she doesn’t have a concussion, you’d have to be up every two hours.” She tells Murphy raising off the bed and motions for me to get up. “Come on. It is about bedtime anyways. Tell Raven and Uncle Murphy goodnight.” I hear Jasper grown from the doorway and smile, he is kinda funny sometimes.
I wave bye and head out the door.

I am hit with a wave of tiredness and stretch my arms over my head. There is no way I can be sleepy again after all I have slept this past day. “Why am I still so tired?”

I didn’t even realize I said it out loud until Bellamy and Clarke both stop walking and turn to look at me. Bellamy crouches in front of me and puts his hand on the side of my face and I subconsciously lean into it. “Your body is catching up on all the times you should have been going into littlespace. Besides littles take lots of naps, especially ones in to the younger age. We will get you on a routine nap schedule before long.” He stands back to full height and reaches out for my hand. “Let’s go home.” I grab his hand and smile. “home” I could maybe get used to this.

The walk back to the cabin takes forever. “Ugh” I stomp at the ground. Bellamy looks back at me and I mentally kick myself for what I am about to do but I can at least try to trust them more. “Can you carry me please?” I pull both my hands from their grasps and raise them in the air to him making the grabby hands I have seen Jasper do before. They both have giant smiles across their faces and he grabs under my arms and hauls me into his arms. “Tank you.” I cuddles against his chest and feel the fuzzy feeling, letting it go through me. “I will never say no to carrying my little princess.”

I let out a giggle and look back to Mommy. “Silly Daddy. Me not pwincess, Mommy is your pwincess.” She turns her head away and I am confused, did I say something wrong. She looks at me and has tears in her eyes but is laughing. I am even more confused. “Yeah Bell I thought I was the princess.” She laughs and I feel better, she isn’t sad at me.

Daddy opens the cabin door and we all go in. “Well I guess you are the queen now. A perfect little family, the rebel king, his beautiful queen and their little princess.” He drop me on the bed and attacks my sides with his finger and I burst out laughing trying to stop him. “Daddy!” I move around until he stops and my belly hurts from all the laughing.

“Bell you are going to make her sick again. Here baby drink this.” She hands me a cup with liquid in it. It kinda looks like the stuff Lincoln made me drink in his village. I take a sip and cough, it is yucky. I hand the cup back to her and shut my mouth. “You are going to start to feel sick again if you don’t drink it baby.” She tries to hand it back to me and shake my head and turn away.

“Jess.”

Daddy’s voice takes me by surprise, it is deeper and more stern than he has ever talked to me. So I do what anyone person in my position would do. I throw myself back onto the bed and cry. “No! It’s yucky.”

I punch at the bed and cry until I have to stop to catch my breath. Both of them stand beside the bed with straight faces, Daddy has his arms crossed and takes the cup from Mommy. “Are you done now?” I give them a small nod and wipe my nose with my sleeve. They sit on either side of me and I am pulled into her lap. “I know it is yucky but you need to drink it. After we can put on our jammies and go to bed.” I slowly take the cup and take another small sip, then try to hand it back to them. “All of it.” Daddy says in his stern voice again. I stick my bottom lip out and make my eyes big but he just points to the cup unfazed. I squeeze my eyes shut, they are meanies. But I really don’t want to be sick again.

3…..2…..1

I drink it all in one gulp but some of it doesn’t make it into my mouth instead it drips down my chin and onto the sweatshirt. “M sowwy, pwease no more.” I throw the cup to the floor, I really want to spit out the taste but before I can I am being moved. “I am so proud of you baby. Now do you want to wear my shirt or yours? All daddy’s are dirty and need washed.” I point to her shirt, why would I want to sleep in my own. “Bell turn around” Daddy dramatically turns his body so he faces the wall and Mommy pulls my shirt off me.

“Where did you go?”

I laugh as my head pops through the shirt, “I is here Mommy!” I hear them both laugh. I throw myself back on the bed and Daddy lays beside me but he leans down and blows air onto my belly making a funny noise.

Clarkes POV

I laugh along as Bell blows raspberries on her stomach. She is squealing and giggling so hard her face is turning red. “Okay Bell, she might get sick again and you are getting her all wound up. It’s time for bed.” He stops and stares at me for a second. “Oh I’m sorry.” He smirks, his tone is more sarcastic than apologetic. “Didn’t realize you felt left out.” He yanks me down on the bed and tickles my side.

“Bell…. BELLAMY STOPP” I try to stop his hands as they run across my ribs and underarms but he is so much stronger. I fight to hold back laughter, not giving him the satisfaction of winning.

“Daddy STOP IT!!” Jess’s yells out as her hands grab at his trying to help me stop him. I stick my tongue out at Bellamy, She’s a Mommy’s girl. I win.

I close my eyes to focus on not laughing out but they finally start to escape my mouth. Jess is still trying to help me but she seems more frantic now. “Please stop…..STOP HURTING HER!” Her voice is filled with fear as she raises her smaller fist and whacks him across the back of his head. I want to laugh but her green eyes wide opened and glossed over. When she blinks a tears fall from her lashes, immediately Bellamy takes his hands off me. Both frozen by her sudden outburst.

“Please just stop it”. She whispers, sniffling as a few tears streak down her face. Bellamy goes to grab her but before he can reach her she runs to the other side of the cabin and crawls under the table. “Shit” he says under his breath and looks at me as if saying “I messed up”

Then it hits me,
Her medical records.

This sweet girl went thought abuse most her life, of course me screaming stop would have triggered her. She must have thought he was actually hurting me, I mentally cue at the fact she wanted to protect me. We both walk over to the table slowly and beside it. Our bodies block the light the fire gives off but I can make out her small frame in front of us.

“Princess.”

Bellamys voice is soft as he reaches his handout to touch her arm. She finches back hard and knocks the chair over making her jump. She pulls her knees up to her chest and rocks back and forth. I hear her mumble “….m sorry…” over and over as her shoulders shake from her sobs. My heart breaks at the sight but I don’t want to scare her more by grabbing her. I hear Bellamy take in a sharp breath and he continues.

“I am not mad at you for hitting me, you are not in trouble at all. I was just tickling her, just like I did with you remember? It was funny. I promise I would never hurt her, or you. You are my little princess aren’t you?”

Bellamys voice is so gently as he slowly reaches his hand out to touch her again, I think I just fell more in love with this man. This time she doesn’t move as he places his palm on her shoulder and rubs his thumb back and forth.

She barely turns her head to the side, resting it on her knees as she looks at us. It is dark but I can see the her face wet from tears.
“I promise that he wasn’t hurting me, but you were so brave for trying to protect me. Why don’t we just get in bed and cuddle instead. Would you like that?”

She starts to cry more and I hear her start to gasp for breath. She’s going to have a panic attack if we don’t calm her down. “Hey Jess, baby. It is okay. We are right here.” This doesn’t help at all, instead she gasps and then no noise comes out. I try to think of what to say to calm her down. “Go grab a blanket.” Bellamy deep voice throws me off. A blanket, when our little is having a panic attack right in front of us. “Trust me.” He says a lot quieter and I run over to the bed, grabbing the smaller fur that lays on the edge.

“Jessie I am going to grab you in three seconds. Three….. two..one.” Bellamy’s pulls her out by her arms and plants her firmly in his lap, she tries to fight him off for a second but he hold her against him with one arm and grabs the blanket with her other. He then wraps it around her and tightly holds her to his chest.

The whole thing has me stunned for words. How in the world did he know how to do that? My few months in medical training taught me the signs of a panic attack and strategies to help but he just naturally knew what to do. I sit in front of him and rub her head gently as he whispers into her ear and gently rocks her. After a little bit her breathing is even and her body relaxes into Bellamy. She is asleep.

Both of us sit in silence just watching Jess sleep, my butt is numb from sitting on the hard floor for so long. The silence breaks as he sucks in a breath and carefully rearranges the sleeping girl in his arms. “I’m going to put her in the bed and then we can talk about what just happened outside.” We both stand and I pull the covers down as he tucks her in. “Sweet Dreams Princess.” I hear Bellamy say as he kneels down to kiss her temple. I put a few more logs on the fire and he holds the door open for me motioning me to lead the way outside.

I wait for him to shut the door before I talk. “How did you know that would calm her down?” He sits beside me and throws the blanket over both our shoulders, I never even noticed he grabbed it. “When Octavia was young she would have to hide under the floorboard in our room, when she was young we made it into a game and she thought it was fun. When she started getting older and understanding it wasn’t a game, she was scared of getting under there. I had to learn to calm her down quick before the guard showed up…..” I know it is a hard memory to look back on by the way he looks away, collecting himself.

I grab his hand and squeeze it tightly. “Both Octavia and Jess are very lucky to have you.”

Bellamy looks me in the eyes and I can see his are glossed over. “With Octavia I knew what was scaring her and fixed it, we gave her a flashlight and comfort toy. But with Jess, we don’t know everything. She freaked out that much over me tickling you Clarke. How can we truly help her if we don’t know what to help her for?” I don’t know how to respond and his words hang in the air around me.

“For right now we know she was on suppressants, she should only need tea a few more days to fight off the withdraws but I think her natural biology is helping with that too.”

“She really doesn’t like that tea.” Bellamy laughs a little and I shake my head. “Yeah that is going to be a small problem.

“The medical records too. Based off that and her reaction… we should assume that she was…she was. His voice trails off at the end and I place my hand back on his as tears come to my eyes.

“I know. All we can do is get her to trust us more so she will open up, I don’t want to force it out of her and she hate us. I have no idea how it wasn’t flagged and my Mom of all people, I thought she would be smarter than that.” I start to get angry at my Mom, how could she give a little suppressants, not only is it unethical for a doctor but she is also on the council. She knew the risks of her getting caught.

The cold air starts to seep through the fur blankets and I see my breath in the moonlight. “We should go inside.” Instead of getting up Bellamy just tucks me closer into his side, his body heat warming me up.

“In a minute, we won’t be able to be alone much now that we are officially caregivers.”

My chest swells and a smile grows on my face. caregivers

“Murphy and I are going to help each other add onto our cabins. That way they can have their own space. He also said something about Raven making contact with the Ark. She should get on that soon, once everything heals and all.” He adds the last part in his dad voice and I try to hold back a laugh. He looks at me puzzled. “What is so funny?”

He stands to his feet and pulls me up with him. “You trying to be in leader mode but your Daddy side is definitely showing.”

Chapter Text

DISCLAIMER; so sorry it has been so long, life happens, there is a few day time jump from the last chapter

Jess POV

I wake up freezing and try to cuddle Dadd- Bellamy or Clarke, I’ve been in Littlespace the majority of the past few days but I still feel strange calling them that when I am out of it. I reach to grab either of them but it's empty around me. I sit up to look around and see Clarke sitting at the table with papers in her hand.

“Good Morning sleepyhead.” She walks over, sitting on the edge of the bed and brushes my hair out of my face. I lean in a little loving the touch, something I am also getting used to their gentle touches. Bellamy is always carrying me around camp and they both pull me into their laps for meals. I am beginning to crave attention and slowly pushing for more.

“- od morning.” I say with a yawn rubbing my eyes. “What are we doing today?” For the past 2 days I have been helping Raven make a radio for some reason, I guess to talk to the Grounders farther away while Bellamy and Murphy build our rooms. Clarke pulls me into her lap, “Your room should be done today, Daddy and Uncle Murphy are putting the finishing touches today.”
I like how she has started just calling him Daddy no matter what space I am in, I cuddle into her and play with the string on her coat. “Are you going to go back to sleep? Or do you want to go help Raven again?”

“Mhmhmh” By “Helping” Raven she means being there for moral support. I am no help at all, I just sit there and over half the time she asks me to grab her something she has to get it herself because I have no idea what it is. We do talk and I am thankful for that, her bio mom wasn't the best to her and she told me all about her life on the Ark with Murphy, but how she loves the ground so much more. I told her a little bit about my life but left most of the major stuff out.

“So I can sleep in my own room tonight?” I try not to sound too excited but I can’t wait to have my own room. Sleeping in bed with them is fine when I am little but when I am big I'm not sure how they feel.

“I don’t see why not, they are finishing Raven’s right now and-” The door slams open and in walks Bellamy. “Good Morning Princess.” He sweeps me off Clarkes lap and I lay my head on his shoulder feeling myself slipping, something I have fully expected.

Clarke POV
This past week has been absolutely amazing. Bellamy and Murphy are putting the finishing touches on Jess’s room, Raven is almost done with the radio to contact the Ark, and Lexa is coming to sign the treaty today. Which I hope everyone is getting ready for in our little village, after last time we decided Jess can not be alone during nap time and Bellamy had to go on a hunt to get game for the big dinner. Jess has been in littles pace for most of the week. She is no longer getting sick but we have had some nightmares here and there. We discovered this week that she is one hundred percent a Daddy’s girl and I will admit I am a little jealous but the way she lights up when he walks warms my heart.

“How have my girls been this morning?” he kisses Jess’s forehead and she snuggles closer into him making his smile grow. “ She just woke up. Is everything almost ready for Lexa?”

“My morning has been fine too, thank you for asking. I think we need to teach her some manners.” He sarcastically whispered very loudly in her ear. “And yes, everything is right on track with your schedule.”

I would love nothing more than to go check but if Jess is dropping I should probably stay with her. We talked about what we would do if she was dropped when Lexa arrives, Monty and Harper agreed to watch her if it was naptime and since her and Raven are getting along so well she could also go with them while we gave the Grounders a tour and did all the official stuff that would definitely be boring to her toddler mindset.

“So am I going to go help Raven?” Her small voice throws me off my train of thought but before I can respond Bellamy is already helping her put on her coat. “Of course you can, princess. Mommy is going to boss people around. You can come get us if you need us.” he zips the jacket up and places a kiss on the top of her head before ushering her out the door. Everyone now knows she is ours so I have no worries of her dropping and needing to find us.

“You didn’t even let me say bye?” I playfully threw my pencil at Bellamy’s chest. His playful eyes go dark as he strips his coat and pants off. “I need a little Clarke time. I can not wait for her to sleep in her own room.” With Jess in our bed every night we have had very little alone time and I have been craving this as much as he has. I throw off my shirt as he grabs me by my waist and pulls us to the bed. “This needs to be fast, I have things to do.” I say as my lips meet his.

Use yalls imagination. :) (I suck at writing smut)

Jess’s POV
I feel a little upset that Bellamy pushed me out the door so fast but I make my way to the dropship AKA Raven’s workshop. I thought I was going to drop but looks like that isn’t going to happen which I am okay with, I have been in my headspace too much this week and I know Clarke and Bellamy want a break. Clearly with the way he just acted to me.

“Knock Knock.” I say loudly as I pull the curtain door back. Raven was laying on the floor on her stomach doing something with some wires. “Perfect timing. Are you afraid of heights?”
She stares up at me waiting for my answer, I think for a second.

“Ummm. I’m not sure. Never really climbed up anything.”

“Okay, I need you to go put this on top of the dropship. There should be a pipe up there and this will slide perfectly into it. Be careful thought it took me 3 days to make this.” She stands up and pushes a metal circle thing into my arms.

“And why can’t you do it?” I ask

“Because my knee is still healing and your Mommy told me to take it easy.” She has a big smile on her face as she spins me around and pushes me to the ladder to the second floor. “There is a hatch door that will get you to the top. Thank you, you are my favorite partner ever.” I roll my eyes as I go to the ladder.

Going up a ladder with the metal thing was kind of tricky but I managed. The hatch was already open so I carefully placed the thing on top of the roof before I pulled myself up. Raven calling me her did give me some favorite did give me some confidence. I see a tube sticking up and assume that is what she wanted me to put this in. I slide it in and take a look around.

My stomach drops to my feet. I am so far up and my foot is only a few inches from the edge. The whole top of the ship is no bigger than our bed and I am suddenly very aware of it. I turn to go down the hatch door. It is shut. I struggle to open it, I use all my strength to open it but it doesn't seem to work. I let out a frustrated scream and tears well up in my eyes.
“Jess!” I look over and see Bellamy and Clarke running up to the dropship and I sigh in relief.

I stand to tell them I’m up here and lose my footing. I cling to the side as my feet dangle over the edge. “Daddy HELPPPPPPP!!!” I scream. I am going to die. Fear pulses through me and I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on holding onto the bar tightly.

After what feels like hours I hear the hatch door open and bigger hands grab by upper arms and pull me up. “Shh it’s okay baby. Daddy’s got you.” I squeeze onto him scared we are both going to go over the edge.

Once we got to the upper level of the drop shift I calmed down a little bit. Daddy was rocking me back and forth while walking around the room. "I know that was scary princess. Daddy will always be here to save you. I pinky promise." He wraps his pinky around mine and I give it a squeeze. 

"Always?" 

"Always my little princess." He says as we start down the ladder to the main level. I see Mommy talking to Raven and looking over the radio thingy she has been working on. 

Murphy had his arms crossed looking at Raven. “Raven, didn’t I tell you to not go up on the roof?”

“Actually you said I couldn’t go on the top. You didn’t say anything about her.” I can see Murphy closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. “Raven Grey Murphy. This is not funny at all. What would have happened if Uncle Bellamy and Aunt Clarke wouldn’t have been there? She could have really gotten hurt.”

Daddy holds me tighter and runs his hand up and down. Raven looks at me with a big pout and says “M really sowwy." 

"This is the Ark. Come in. Clarke, honey, is that you." A women's voice fills the room and everyone freezes while Clarke talks into the microphone. 

"It's me Mom. The Earth is survivable." 

My stomach drops and I feel light headed. The radio was never to talk to Grounders but to let the Ark know they can come down. The Ark coming down. My Mother coming down.

Loud bangs are heard outside, I almost jump out of Daddies and I feel the tears rushing back.

“COMMANDER LEXA HAS ARRIVED!”

As if this day wasn’t bad enough.

Chapter Text

Clarke POV
Lexa really picked a great time to come. Jess is all but sobbing in Bellamy’s arms so he stays in the drop ship to calm her down while Raven is in there talking to Chancellor Jaha and my Mom about the Earth and I am greeting the Grounders. I hated leaving my baby so sad and would love to speak to my Mom about the past few weeks but leaving them waiting is such a bad look and I trust Bellamy and the others to handle it.

“Welcome.” I greet the Grounders commander, Lexa. I stretch my hand out for a handshake which she takes with a smile.

“You guys have made much progress since the last time I was here. I am impressed with you sky people.” She says as she looks around taking everything in. “Where is my brother?” Ocativa comes out from behind her with Lincoln close on her tail.

“He’s in the dropship, we haven’t had the best morning.” She gives me a quick hug and they take off to the dropship. I remember there is a lot we need to fill her in on but Bellamy can handle that. Lexa gives me a strange look.

“Has there been trouble?” Her guards around her have their hands on their weapons before I realize what she is saying.

“Oh no. No trouble, just some littles getting into mischief.” They all relax into a more calm stance. “Oh yes, the young ones do have a way of causing mischief. I will look forward to meeting them. I do enjoy seeing them so happy with life.” I can only think about how unhappy my little one is right now.

“So how about a tour.”

Bellamy POV

Jess cried herself to sleep and it broke my heart not knowing what to do. I thought she was still scared from her near death, well maybe not death, but fall earlier but after Clarke left it got worse. I had to carry her sobbing to our cabin so Raven and Murphy could talk to Dr. Griffith and Chancellor Jaha without a distraction.

“What made you so upset?” I sit next to her sleeping form on the bed and brush some hair from her tear streaked face. She is still sniffling in her sleep. There’s a small knock on the door, I’m really not in the mood for a stupid question or to help fix something at the moment. The door swings open before I can open it.

“Bell?” Octavias voice carries through the small cabin and as much as I love my sister I could kill her right now if she wakes Jess up.

“SSSHHHHH” I look to the bed but Jess hasn’t moved one inch.
“Oh I’m sorry, I didn't realize it was nap time.” She says in a much quieter voice, I pull her into a hug then motion for her to take a seat at the table. ‘Where’s Lincoln? Break up already?”

She laughs a little and nudges my arm. “Haha real funny, but no he wanted to go look at the infirmary. Also I totally saw this coming just so you know.” She points to Jess and then back to me.

“Oh you did?” I ask her sort of surprised, she has only met Jess once before this and I think she was asleep half the visit while Lincoln fixed her up.

“Yep, the moment you walked in carrying her. You just reeked of overprotective dad, the way you stood over while Linc fixed her ankle.” She laughs a little and looks back to Jess sleeping. “So how is being a caregiver?”

Her question kind of catches me off guard even though I knew to expect it. “It is amazing but… I don’t know. I couldn’t do it without Clarke. But it definitely is a rollercoaster. She has gone through so much in her life and we are trying to help but at the same time not knowing what is causing the pain.” I put my hands in my head and let out a sigh. “We have our good days but the bad days are….. rough.” Octavia looks at me and I can see the wheels turning just like when she was a kid.

“Have you asked her about her past?” She says as if it’s the most simple answer ever.

“Do you realize we are trying to get her to trust us? Not run her off, we know a little bit because of her medical records but she freaked out when we asked why she got locked up. All we know is that she was in there for almost two years and tha-”

“Bellamy?”

I really hope she didn’t hear that, especially since she woke up big. “Yes princess.” I can see her blush a little, I know she doesn't like being called that with an audience present.

“I have a headache.” She says with such a sad voice it makes my heart ache. I can tell she is fighting trying to drop and I have no idea why. I think it would be good for her at this moment with how big her emotions are at the moment.

“I’ll go tell Lincoln, he will know what to get.” Octavia is up and out the door before I can say anything.

“I’m sorry your head hurts. I think we need to get some food and water in that belly.” I go to tickle her, which she usually laughs at and she stares at me emotionless. It breaks my heart.

“Princess what is wrong?” I take her head in my hands and stroke her face. She closes her eyes but doesn't lean in like usual.

“ I want to be alone for a little bit.” Her words come out so softly and if I wasn’t listening I would have definitely missed it. Leaving her alone feels wrong but I know when I am really upset I would like a moment alone, also she is big. I debate in my head for a moment.

“I will give you an hour. When I come back I would like to talk and if it gets too much you will come get me. Do you understand?” I try to sound as stern as possible without scaring her.
Jess gives me a small nod and I grab her chin lightly so I can look in her eyes.

“I need you to say it. I am here if you need me. If you can’t find me, find Clarke or Murphy, okay The Grounders can wait.”

“I promise I will.” She holds out her pinky and I wrap mine around it. I kiss her forehead and walk out to the door.

“I will be back in one hour, please stay in here unless you need to get me.” I walk out the door and go to find Clarke.

I ran into Murphy headed back to his cabin with a big plate of food. “Hey I was just on my way to you, I figured you and Jess didn’t eat lunch and she might need something.”

“Thanks man.” I swipe a few things off the plate. “I’m headed to talk to Clarke and then I’ll meet you to finish Raven's room. You can take the rest to Jess, he wanted to be left alone for a little bit” I turn to go find Clarke before he can respond.

Jess POV
I can’t believe Bellamy actually left me alone. I was expecting some fight on it but he gave in really easily. The Ark is coming down.

My mother is coming down.

I feel myself start to panic. Will Bellamy and Clarke want to keep me? Will the council even allow it? Will I have to go back to taking supplements and the abuse of my biological mother?

knock knock

Bellamy must have changed his mind as I wipe my eyes. I watch as the door slowly opens…. Murphy?

“Hey Bell said you might be hungry. You did have a big morning.” He sits the plate of food on the table, pulls the chair out and motions for me to come sit. “I know you want to be alone. I’m sorry about what Raven pulled this morning but I just want to make sure you eat something and then I’ll go.”

I’m not sure how to respond, yes it was very scary but Raven did, but I’m not mad at her. “M not mad at her” I tell him as I eat a few berries from the plate.

“I will be sure to tell her. I’ll leave you alone but I’m here if you need me.” He gives me a kiss on top of my head and leaves me to my thoughts.

I pushed the food around, I only ate so Murphy would leave. I have no appetite, all I can think about is how awful my life is about to be. Best case is I do get to keep my current caregivers but with all the laws I would be put back in my mothers care until all the legal stuff is done. That could be weeks, I can't handle weeks. And if they don’t get me then that means I go back on supplements or get placed with other caregivers, what if they are mean. Also just the thought of her living close, I could never be truly happy.

A rush of emotions comes over me and I throw the plate, food scatters around the room.
The Ark can’t come down. The Ark CAN NOT come down.

An idea hits me.
Maybe if the Ark can’t talk to us, they won’t come down.

Clarke POV
“And this is where we plan to grow a garden this summer.” I show Lexa the large plot of land outside our walls. “The rest of our people will be joining us from the Ark and we will need to expand our walls out some more.” I watch her face and for a split second I see her straight face turn.

“Are these skypeople going to be an issue to our agreement?” She watches me more intensely and I can sense the tension in her guards. I take a deep breath and try to think of how best to say this. “No, we have been in contact with them and we will tell them all the things done to secure our alliances. Them coming down will be good for all of us, we have doctors and engineers on that ship. They could benefit everyone on the ground.”

Lexa’s face lightens up a little more. “Our alliance will extend to the others if they are as you say. Now I would love to see how you communicate with the sky people.”
I lead the way to the drop ship.
“Clarke.” I hear Bellamy and turn to see him walking towards us. “He gives me a quick hug and greets Lexa. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to greet you earlier.”

Lexa lets out a little laugh and the mood is instantly lightened. “Oh yes, I do admire how you took care of your little one so Clarke could show us around” They shake hands and we head off to the drop ship.

Lexa tells us about their traditions as we walk, there is a festival coming up soon and she has asked us to attend.

“-and bring all the little ones. I do enjoy their company.”

“CLARKE! BELLAMY!” Raven screams out as she races to us. She still has a little limp and I can see Lexa put her hand out to her guard to lower their now raised weapons. Bell meets her half way and she tells him something in his ear. He gives me a concerned look and I pray Lexa didn’t see.

“Should I be worried?” Lexa places a hand on my shoulder and Bell and Raven make their way over to us.

“You can tell them Raven.” He tells Raven who clearly is startled.

“Someone broke the radio.” She says in a very quiet voice.

A million thoughts go through my head. Maybe it was just a malfunction, or maybe the Ark is having interference. I don’t know anyone in our village who would do such a thing. “Are you sure it wasn’t just a malfunction? We didn’t exactly have the best equipment.”

The small dark haired girl looks to all of us “Someone ripped out half the wires. I can’t fix it without those wires.” She fiddles with her hair and watches her feet.

“So there is a traitor in our mists.” Lexa says, looking at her guards.

“We will find out who it was. No need to cause a riot over this. I will get Miller and Adam to help look around.” Bellamy’s deep voice does little to calm the tension as he rubs Ravens back.
“The traitor must pay. In my culture we would have them stoned, or banished.” I go nauseous at the thought of someone going through that.

“No, we have our own ways of handling this. Let’s keep this between us for the time being.” Everyone nods in understanding and we continue to the dropship to see the damage and if there are any clues.

Jess POV
I slam the door and pull the bundle of wires out from under my shirt and throw them under the bed. I don’t think anyone saw me, feel like I am going to be sick.

“Princess, how are you feeling?”

I think my heart stops beating but at the same time it’s all I can hear in my ears. For once in my l try to force myself to drop so I can just get out of this conversation

“I know it hasn’t been a full hour but I just wanted to come check on you. Jess, are you okay?” He takes a small step to me and I throw myself back. In doing so I slip on something and hit the ground. “Daddy m sowwy.” I feel myself dropping but instead of feeling better all the emotions seem to worsen.

He grabs me into arms and lays us on the bed with me cuddled into him. “Baby, Daddy’s here. I got you. Shhh it’s okay nothing to be sorry for Princess.” He runs his hand along my back and rocking me.

Actually there is a lot to be sorry for at the moment.

I feel so safe yet all I can think about is how this will be ripped away from me when he finds out what I have done. The guilt of what I have done eats me up inside. “Why don’t we go get Mommy and eat some dinner?” I panic.

“Oh no, shhh it's okay. Why are there blueberries all over the floor” He laughs a little.

The next minutes happen in a blur. He gets up to clean up the floor, I try to stop but it’s too late.
“Why are there wires under our bed?” He has the wires in his hand and a disappointing look on his face. I am screwed.

My sadness is overcome with anger.
“I can not go back to her. I like it here. Everything will be ruined. I like living with you and Mommy. I DON”T WANT TO GO BA-” He covers my mouth with his hand and I flinch hard expecting to be hit, I haven’t ever spoken to anyone like that in a very long time and the consequences still haunt me. “Breathe.” Daddy says in a normal tone, not a trace of anger in his voice.

I take a few shaky breaths and pull his hand away. “Now I am going to get Mommy and when we get back we will all discuss this and I promise you will not be in trouble if you tell the truth.” I’ve heard that before. He holds up his pinky and I smile a little.

I need to get out of here.