Archive of Our Own ^beta

The shortest building in the inner city was 50 stories tall, and the tallest 80; so it made perfect sense for the Thunderhead’s Authority Interface building to be 65 stories tall. It just made sense. 65 was the average height of city buildings and everyone knew that the Authority Interface building was the one that looked like it belonged in the city the most. What didn’t make sense was how a completely random person could gain access to the roof and just jump off of it. After all, it was the Authority Interface, and the only staircase to the roof could only be used by a Nimbus Agent. (Or a Scythe, but they had different rules.)

When he landed, most definitely dead (at least until the next weekend), a crowd gathered nearby before an ambudrone could take him away.

“You know, I kinda wish that splatters didn’ get revived.” one person said.

“Yeah, would stop them from splatting.” someone replied.

“I know,” the first person said “I mean look at the guy. He actually got on the roof of the Authority Interface to splat.”

“Seriously,” a third man yelled,” At least if you splat, don’t do it off of an important building.”

“I think he should be supplanted!” someone else added.

“Who is he anyways?”

“An Unsavory, most likely.”

“And if he isn’t, he’ll soon be one.”

Of course, the splatter heard none of this because he was, after all, deadish.

Red Blood Cell knew something was up. The bones in the leg were broken for one thing, meaning she couldn’t get her delivery to the foot. Luckily, she saw her senpai nearby.

“Senpai!” she called, “I can’t deliver this oxygen.”

“Oh, why is that?” her senpai asked.

“I can’t seem to get to the right leg.” she said, slightly embarrassed. She was a relatively new red blood cell, but she had been working for long enough that she didn’t want to be seen as a rookie.

“I can show you how to get there if you’re lost.” her senpai took out a map.

“I’m not lost though,” she grunted, “I know HOW to get to the legs: I just can’t”

“Do you know why you can’t get to the foot?”

“Uhh,” Red Blood Cell didn’t know how to say this clearly. “There were platelets and they told me that the bones and stuff were broken.” She gestured towards the map, pointing out the area she had described.

“Hmmm,”  Senpai said, “Let’s go to the heart.”

“What?” Red blood cell said, very confused. “What does the heart have to do with anything?”  Last she checked, Red Blood Cell had already gone through the heart.

“We should see if the heart is beating.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Red Blood Cell knew if the heart stopped, the Body would die, but she also knew that the Body was healthy. The work environment here was very nice.

“Could be that our body did something called ‘splatting’,” her senpai said, walking in the direction of the heart. Red Blood Cell immediately followed.

“Huh?” Red Blood Cell was even more confused. What was ‘splatting’? Could it be a death method? And for that matter, where had senpai learned this, because ‘splatting’ was definitely not in the Red Blood Cell Handbook. 

Senpai told her everything she knew to Red Blood Cell on the way to the heart. Apparently, the Body ‘splatted’ very often by jumping off of random buildings, and the only reason the Body was still alive was because of a large group of odd robotic beings.

Right before they got to the heart, the two cells ran into an immune cell.

“Good day, Mr. White Blood Cell,” Senpai greeted kindly, “What are you up to?”

“Not much,” he said, “I barely have anything to do.”

“Quick question. Did the body splat?” Senpai asked. 

White Blood Cell nodded. “The Brain announced it a while ago. I suppose you were too busy running off with that oxygen to hear though.” Senpai just shook her head.

“Wait, Mr. White Blood Cell?” Red Blood Cell asked.

“Yes?”

“Aren’t there a lot of germs in the body now because of the…” Red Blood Cell gulped, “The ‘splat’?”

“Yes.”

“But,” Red Blood Cell stammered. “Shouldn’t you be chasing after them then?”

“They’ve already been dealt with.” White Blood Cell said sadly.

“Wow, that’s quick,” Red Blood Cell said. Senpai nodded.

“It’s normal,” White Blood Cell added, “My friend hasn’t ever fought a germ, and he’s been working for a while.”

“Why is that?” Red Blood Cell asked.

“ They always get there first.”

“What?”

“They always get there first,” White Blood Cell repeated. 

“Who?”

“I usually call them ‘little clouds’,” Senpai said.

“I bet Dendritic Cell or Memory Cell know that they’re actually called,” White Blood Cell interrupted.

 “Anyway,” Senpai continued, “they say they work for this ‘large cloud’ to aid us”

“And how do they do that?” Red Blood Cell asked, “And why didn’t anyone tell me about this in training?” she mumbled.

“I don’t think management in the Brain knew that they would be sticking around this long.” White Blood Cell said. “From what I hear, they have been around for a while, and to be honest, they never updated the Cell Training Guides or Handbooks.”

The three cells found a space to sit in a nearby vein quietly minding themselves, as there was nothing for them to do to help the body. Red Blood Cell noticed White Blood Cell swing his knife around as if fighting an invisible enemy. Senpai told her that all white blood cells, and honestly most other immune cells, would practice weapon training out of boredom.

After about 20 minutes of this, Red Blood Cell finally spoke. “It’s obvious I’m not going to get this to the leg,” she sighed, motioning to the box of oxygen on her lap.

“Probably not,” White Blood Cell said.

“If you leave it here with the address of where it’s supposed to go, the little clouds will probably take care of it,” Senpai laughed, “I’ve definitely done it more than a few times.”

White Blood Cell lightly punched Red Blood Cell’s senpai, smirking, “Shhhhh. You can’t tell her that. That would make you a bad senpai, and your poor kouhai might stop working.”

Senpai laughed louder, “That won’t happen. Right?” Senpai turned to Red Blood Cell.

“No, I would do everything in my power to help the body.” Red Blood Cell answered, almost automatically.

“See,” Senpai smiled, “Also I’ve been her senpai for a while, so if she wasn’t going to give the Body her all, I’d probably know by now.”

“Thanks, Senpai,” Red Blood Cell blushed slightly. She turned to White Blood Cell. “Can you take me to see one of these ‘little clouds’ if you’re not busy?”

“I guess,” White Blood Cell shrugged, putting her knife back into the hoister on his leg. “Not really busy now considering the little clouds are probably taking care of all the germs.”

Red Blood Cell and White Blood Cell started to head towards the Brain. (Apparently, there were always an abundance of ‘little clouds’ there.) After a few quiet moments Red Blood Cell sighed “Is it really that bad?” she asked him.

“What?”

“The fact that the little clouds are doing everything,” Red Blood Cell clarified, “Is it really that bad that you have nothing to do?”

“Yeah,” he said, “Like I said earlier, my friend has never seen combat, and he’s one of the oldest White Blood Cells I know.”

“That sounds bad,” Red Blood Cell fidgeted with her hands quietly. “Have you ever seen combat?’

“Yeah,” White Blood Cell said, pausing briefly, “Sometimes the Little Clouds will let an immune cell or two fight off a germ just to make sure we can still do it.”

“Oh.” 

The two cells continued in silence. White Blood Cell had found a more quiet blood vessel path to the Brain, so there was very little other sound besides the occasional red blood cell doing their job. 

When they reached the neck, Red Blood Cell noticed White Blood Cell looked frustrated. When she asked why, he mumbled about “stupid little clouds never being there when you needed them.”

“Maybe we’re not close enough to the Brain,” Red Blood Cell suggested.

“Maybe, “White Blood Cell admitted, “but those little clouds are everywhere, especially when you don’t need them.”

They continued walking to the Brain.

“Do the ‘little clouds' wear blue suits and ties?” Red Blood Cell suddenly asked.

“Yeah, why?” White Blood Cell answered.

“Because I just saw one over there.” Red Blood Cell pointed towards a nearby intersection.

“Good eye,” he said., “I’ll talk first.”

“Why?’

“Because I’ve talked to them before and you haven’t,” the immune cell said. Red Blood Cell snorted. Of course White Blood Cell had probably talked to a ‘little cloud’. Red Blood Cell had only recently started working, and from what she could tell, White Blood Cell was at least as old as her senpai. “Also because most other cells absolutely refuse to interact with them.”

“Oh?”

“You know how most non immune cells refuse to be friends with immune cells because we could kill them at any time?”

“I guess.” Red Blood cell had seen the odd looks other cells had given to her senpai when she stopped to talk to an immune cell.

“Well these guys are even worse.”

“How could they be worse than cytoplasm-thirsty immune cells?” Red Blood Cell asked, “No offense to you.”

“None taken.” White Blood Cell replied, “They can multitask. The last time the Body splatted, a bunch of really bad germs invaded, and the Clouds fought them off while delivering oxygen and helping Platelets.”

“Impressive.”

White Blood Cell walked up to the robotic being with Red Blood Cell following slightly behind. He politely introduced the two of them to it. It responded just as politely, not moving at all from where it was standing. Red Blood Cell had so many questions; Why were they here? What do they do? How do they multitask, among other questions. But the first thing out of her mouth was “How long have you been standing here?”

“4 days, 11 hours, 26 minutes, and 34 seconds,” it said smoothly.

“What are you doing that would make you stand here for 4 days?” Red Blood Cell asked, “And why so long?”

“I am looking for trouble in the neck. Should nothing happen in this 10 day period, I will leave to do other duties.”

“Don’t you have to move to do guard duty?” Red Blood Cell asked., prompting White Blood Cell to lightly shove her.

“No”

“Where are the rest of your little friends,” Red Blood Cell continued with her mini interrogation, slightly unsure of herself.. 

“At various locations in the body, with most assisting in the arms, legs, heart, and upper skull,” it said, still standing straight and unmoving.

“Good to know we could have just gone back to the heart,” White Blood Cell muttered. He took his knife and threw it up, catching it, before turning back to Red Blood Cell. “I’m leaving, You can stay if you want, but I don’t want to stay any longer.” He walked to a nearby vent, and yelled, “Oh and if you need me, you can find me near the liver,” before transmigrating away.

“Well, he’s gone…”

“Yes,” the Little Cloud said.

“So… uh, what are your friends doing in the heart and legs and stuff?” Red Blood Cell asked with more confidence. Maybe being near a White Blood Cell had put her under a lot more stress, especially since the cell in question was close friends with her senpai.

“Assisting in the revival process.”

“Oh, ok.” Red Blood Cell quietly decided to ask her senpai about “revival” later. 

It wasn’t a very interesting conversation. This specific “little cloud” seemed to answer questions in as few words as possible as it stood as still as possible.

Eventually, the two left and went to go find the White Blood Cell near the liver. There was a bar where immune cells, like White Blood Cell, tended to hang out when they weren’t busy (Which was most of the time). As usual, the white blood cells hanging out there were dueling as they had nothing better to do, and as Red Blood Cell walked in, a dagger slammed into the pole behind her. 

Senpai looked up flatley at White Blood Cell. “Must be pissed. He never throws that close to anyone’s head, even when other cells spontaneously come in to bother people here.”

“Really? I’ve never been here,” Red Blood Cell said.

“Well, you’re a good cell who doesn’t get up to trouble,” Senpai smirked, “Unlike me”

The immune cells in the room laughed. They knew this specific Red Blood Cell well. As efficient as she was (With a nice award recently gained for excellent oxygen delivery), she was also very much a trouble maker. The other cells moved aside and the dagger-thrower revealed himself.

“So, you learn anything interesting?” White Blood Cell asked.

“Well, I learned that the ‘Clouds’ are called Nanites.” Red Blood Cell said.

“Yeah, yeah I knew that,” White Blood Cell twirled his dagger and sighed, “I knew that.”

“Anyways, most of them they'll be gone soon.”

“They’ll be back soon enough,” Senpai shrugged, “Went up to the Brain at one point and asked some of the Neurons about it. Apparently a couple of them really enjoy putting the Body in danger.”

White Blood Cell put his dagger down and stared at Red Blood Cell’s senpai. “You never told me that.” The other cells in the bar stopped what they were doing and stared. To say they weren't pleased when they heard the “Clouds’” over presence was due to some Brain Cells’ boredom would have been an understatement. Weapons went flying. Thankfully, none of them went flying at Red Blood Cell or her Senpai, but still…

“Are you going to revolt again?” Senpai asked.

White Blood Cell shook his head, “Nah, it won’t work.”

“Those damn Clouds stopped us,” An immune cell in the back of the room shouted.

“My friend was part of it, but by the end, he wasn’t even allowed to patrol for Cancer cells!” Another cell yelled.

“Hey, didn’t that Red Blood Cell say that this was the Brain’s fault? Like some Neurons are the ones to blame?” a random Killer T Cell asked.

Senpai confirmed it.

“So maybe now that we have a target we can attack, right?”

The other immune cells in the bar cheered.

“But won’t they stop us?”

“Not if we plan well enough. It’s not like we don’t have time on our hands.”

“Hear, hear!”

As the immune cells in the bar started planning, Red Blood Cell and her Senpai left with White Blood Cell in tow. Red Blood Cell grabbed a small snack and they found a quiet corner of the liver to sit in.

“Do you think their plans will work now that they know who’s causing the problems?” Red Blood Cell mumbled as she chewed.

Senpai shook her head, “Nah, the Little Clouds will get to them first,”

“They’re just venting,” White Blood Cell said. “They know it’s hopeless. It’s just something to do.”

“Oh.”

“Really the only cells that actually need to work are the Red Blood Cells and the Neurons”, Senpai explained, “which pretty much means all the immune cells can do is plot, plan, and train. There’s not even an issue with cancer cells at all.”

“It’s also why you may see various immune cells sleeping in random public places. Some killer T cells once made a challenge to see who could sleep in the weirdest place for the longest time, and after that challenge stopped, some of the even lazier immune cells found out that napping on the job didn’t cost a thing, so just continued napping in public anyways.”

“Well, we better be off,” Senpai said before White Blood Cell could continue, “The Brain announced that the Body is soon to be revived, and unlike the immune cells, we do have to work.”

Red Blood Cell immediately stood up. “Oh… Of course.” She started to run towards the lungs for another box of oxygen as her Senpai leisurely followed.

When the unsavory was fully revived, he woke up as usual in a bed in the revival center. No one was there for him, but that’s what he expected. (His entire family was pissed off that he was wasting their money with his constant splatting.) The staff let him have some of their very good ice cream and he left, planning his next splatting. Perhaps off the roof of the tallest Authority Interface building would be a good challenge, he thought.

Meanwhile inside his body, the red blood cells were back to their regularly scheduled jobs delivering oxygen and collecting carbon dioxide. Red Blood Cell was happy and her senpai was relieved that most of the “clouds” had left and that every part of the body was accessible again. But both cells knew that this wouldn’t last and soon the “clouds” would be back. Of course, Senpai made sure Red Blood Cell didn’t tell any new cells about this, (after all Red Blood Cell learned it was practically tradition nowadays for new cells to not know of splatting until it happened, so that they would work efficiently). And White Blood Cell? He managed to slip into the Brain and take a nap in front of six Neurons without them caring, so he was decently happy.