Archive of Our Own ^beta

When his phone pings with a notification of an incoming email from the University of Tokyo, Kei forgets how to breathe for a second. He sits up in his bed where he has been laying all day doing nothing but scrolling through social media to distract himself from the fact this very email was supposed to come today , at any time , trying not to hyperventilate every second that passed without the email arriving into his inbox.  

As he rolls down his notifications to confirm that the email is, indeed, from the University of Tokyo and he didn’t just hallucinate it when the notification popped up on the top of his screen and then disappeared a fleeting second later, he tries to make his lungs work again. His phone is shaking in his trembling hands and his vision is a bit blurry, making him question whether he’s even wearing his glasses or not – a quick glance from the corner of his eyes lets him see his thin, black frame, confirming that yes, he is. 

He stares at the email without tapping on it, his finger lingering above it but never touching the screen. He wants to see the results – he’s been waiting for this for so long, too long – but now that only a single tap of his fingertip separates him from the answers he’s been dying to get ever since he handed in his entrance exam papers, he can’t bring himself to open the mail. 

What if I didn’t get in?

The thought, as it is, has to be somewhere near the top of Kei’s list of most terrifying things, scary to the point of feeling paralyzed through his entire body every time the idea enters his mind. But he hasn’t allowed himself to brood too much over the hypotheticals – he prides himself in his rational thinking and groundedness too much to let himself be swallowed by the yet nonexistent consequences of not being good enough to be accepted to Tetsurou’s university.

Until now, that has worked. He has no idea anymore how many near-panic attacks he was able to avoid while he forced himself to remember that this is not under his control anymore and he can do nothing but wait patiently until the results arrive. What good would it have done to him to freak out during English classes, afternoon practices, in his bed in the middle of the night when he couldn’t fall asleep, or any other of the random occasions when his mind decided to remind him of the fact that he and Tetsurou have built up an imaginary future on nonexistent grounds?

None. 

He couldn’t let himself get lost in the swirling mess of his self-deprecating thoughts – he refused to let his mind create a false reality in his head that considered him a failure and not good enough. For the first time in his entire eighteen years of life, Kei did everything in his power to shut off the noises in his head, whispering in his ear that he would never make it to the University of Tokyo, he would never move to the capital and live with his boyfriend. For the first time ever, he wanted to stay positive, or at the very least realistic, about what was about to come his way – he couldn’t afford to get lost in the sea of negativity that he has spent his whole life trying to learn to navigate.

This is different than any other time – it’s so much more than his own future that he’s thinking about. It’s their future, his and Tetsurou’s, and while he’s more than satisfied to focus on negativity when only he is in the picture, he simply couldn’t bring himself to bring Tetsurou into the chaos. 

So, he chose the keep his mind as clear of mean thoughts about himself as possible – and while merely gaslighting himself into thinking that he definitely made it and he has nothing to worry about was out of option, because that’s just not who he is as a person, the least he could do was force himself to wait patiently until he can read the results with his own to eyes before he starts being judgemental. 

So, that’s what he’s been doing. And gods , was it the most difficult thing he’s ever done! Maybe Akiteru’s right and he does need some therapy, after all – it can’t be healthy to find it difficult to not be an asshole towards himself upon every discomfort, inconvenience and problem that occurs to him in life, however minor or large they might be, right?

Not important right now.

He takes a deep breath to refocus his thoughts, and if his mind wasn’t utterly set on that letter his finger still refuses to open, he’d be glad to know that his lungs are still able to function properly. But as it is right now, the function of anything in his body is only a secondary concern of his, the first and most important spot occupied by the mail that holds all the answers for his future. This mail of barely a few kilobytes is what is going to determine his entire life from this moment – if at the thought of that his lungs refuse to work again, he doesn’t care. 

Stop stalling, just open the fucking email.

But when he tries to approach the screen with his finger, it freezes in the air and he can’t make it move. Clicking his tongue, annoyed with himself, he drops his phone on the bed and throws himself back to lay on his bed. He reaches for the nearest pillow and pushes it to his face, not concerned about breaking his glasses, and groans into the soft fabric of the cushion he received from his grandmother for his birthday a few months ago. 

When has he become such a coward? It’s just a mail, goddamnit, he should have no problems just tapping on it and then reading what’s written in there in black letters, decorated with the University of Tokyo’s banner of sky blue and bright yellow. It shouldn’t be hard to just open the fucking email and accept whatever he finds in it as unchangeable, undeniable facts. 

But it is – the stakes are too high for him to be calm about this. 

There’s a knock on his door. The familiar pattern of the person’s knuckles hitting the door lets Kei know that it’s Akiteru, so he doesn’t bother to sit up and pretend that he has his shit together as he enters the room without an invitation. Akiteru would see right through him, anyway, so there’s no point whatsoever. 

“I heard a groan,” he starts instead of saying hi. Kei curses himself for being too loud – he often forgets that despite Akiteru being mostly moved out from the house, his room is still just next to Kei’s and he can hear everything that he says or does through the frustratingly thin walls whenever he comes to visit. “Did you get the letter?”

A sound that’s somewhere between a humm, a grunt and a hiccup leaves Kei’s throat, and Akiteru chuckles upon hearing it. Kei hears the door click shut, footsteps coming towards his bed, and then his mattress dips from the added weight of his brother. His face is still buried in the pillow, and now that Akiteru is here, he’s more than happy to keep it there until he can’t breathe anymore. 

“You haven’t looked at it yet, have you?” Kei shakes his head. “Come on, we both know you made it. There’s no way they wouldn’t accept you.”

Kei rolls his eyes under the pillow. Akiteru just doesn’t understand. When he went to college, only his education depended on whether he made it to his first pick or not. For Kei, it’s so much more – his education, yes, but also his entire future with his boyfriend, this relationship he and Tetsurou have fought tooth and nail for three years to keep together through the hardships of long-distance. 

Akiteru was lucky – he wasn’t accepted to his first pick, so he attended the second which turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to him. He ended up not only in the same school, but in the same major as Saeko-san, they became study partners, and the rest is history. Years later, they’re getting ready for a fall wedding later this year and they’re planning the future generation of Tanakas and Tsukishimas that make both Kei and Ryuu-san utterly sick in the stomach in various good and bad ways. 

Kei’s situation is different. Akiteru losing the chance to attend his first pick gave him the love of his life – Kei losing the chance to attend his first pick can result in him losing the love of his life. It’s easy for him to talk when for him, everything played out in his favor. And for that, Kei wants to punch his older brother in the face. 

Fuck him, honestly. 

“How about you shut up?” Kei says, his words muffled by the pillow, and Akiteru just laughs again. “I said shut up.” There’s no edge in his voice at all, but even if there was, Akiteru has long since stopped caring about his request to stop being annoying and irritating. 

“Yes, I heard you for the first time,” Akiteru sing-songs. “Seriously, Kei, if you don’t check it, I will.”

Kei rips the pillow from his face, and he does his best to glare at his brother even though the sudden lightness evading his eyes is making his vision blurry and oversaturated. “Don’t you dare,” he says, pulling up himself to a sitting position and snatches his phone from Akiteru’s hand because, apparently, sometime while they were having their conversation, he stole it from the mattress. “Give me that.”

Akiteru keeps laughing, and Kei wonders if now that his brother is twenty-five, is it too late to put him up for adoption?

“Relax,” he says, still grinning, throwing his hands up in mock defense, but clearly proud of himself. “I wouldn’t actually check it, I just wanted to get your attention. Now, look at it! The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll be over it.”

Easier said than done. 

He looks away from Akiteru and down to his phone, the screen already locked from being ignored for too long. He quickly types in the numbers, his fingers working fast so Akiteru has no chance of learning his code, and he’s immediately met with Tetsurou smiling at him on his wallpaper – a photo Kei made of him two years ago, after their first and last nationals together, after Nekoma had lost to Karasuno and yet Tetsurou was too happy to have had the chance to play with Kei in a real match to be too disappointed about the results.

Usually, whenever Kei sees that picture of his boyfriend, his heart swells with happiness. Tetsurou’s smile always had this effect on him, filling his chest with warmth, lighting up even his darkest moments. Whether he sees it in real life, through the video calls they frequently have, or on photos in his phone, it doesn’t matter – it affects him all the same. 

But now, it’s like a hand is gripping his heart – seeing Tetsurou only reminds him of what he might lose if something other than congratulations, we’re happy to inform you that you have been accepted to the University of Tokyo is written in that email. 

Akiteru must see something shift on his face, because when he speaks again, he puts a tender hand on Kei’s knee and his voice is much more gentle than before, when he says, “Kei, come on. What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

Kei can’t help the bitter chuckle escaping from his lips. He looks at Akiteru. “The worst thing?” He asks, sarcasm dripping from his words. “I don’t know, losing my boyfriend?”

Akiteru frowns. “Why would you lose him? Kei, Tetsurou-kun won’t break up with you if you don’t go to his university. He loves you too much for that.”

Kei bites into his lower lip – Akiteru still doesn’t fucking understand. 

“I know that, okay? But it doesn’t mean it won’t end. Long-distance is fucking tiring and we’re both exhausted. It’s too much.”

Akiteru sighs. “I know. But listen,” he says, shifting a bit closer to Kei, “you’re concerned about something that you don’t even know for sure will happen. And you won’t, until you open that mail finally. And when you’re accepted, you’re gonna think you were stupid for being so worried about nothing–

“And what if I’m not?”

Akiteru doesn’t miss a beat. 

“Then that’s fine, too. We can figure it out later. For now, just read that goddamn letter, please? I’ll leave if you want to be alone.”

Kei nods, slowly, and that’s all it takes for Akiteru to squeeze his knee reassuringly one more time, get up from the bed and leave without a word. 

He doesn’t want to be alone, not really, but he also doesn’t want company. Knowing Akiteru, he’s standing just outside the door – available to start throwing confetti upon good news and ready to walk away if the results aren’t what Kei wants them to be. But Kei would much rather have Tetsurou with him right now so he could hold his hand while they read the letter together. For second, Kei considers calling his boyfriend, but then he remembers that it’s Friday and he’s working until later in the afternoon. 

He sighs. Akiteru’s right – he needs to get over it. 

He opens the emails app, the letter from the University of Tokyo is right on the top of the list, the newest mail in his inbox. The preview doesn’t give away anything of what’s in it – all he sees for now is that the subject is the most fancy way of letting the receiver know that this is the letter of acceptance or rejection, as if the University of Tokyo would ever want anything else from random students around the country. He can also read the very first line of the letter, Dear Tsukishima-san , but nothing else. 

He takes a deep breath. He can’t avoid this forever. Whatever is written in the main part of the text, whether it’s a rejection or an acceptance, he can’t run from it. He needs to see it before he gets bombarded with the furious demands of his friends and family who are just as eager to know about Kei’s results as he is. He needs to check before Tadashi and Shoyo start spamming his social media, his mother barges into his room with an expectant smile or Akiteru loses his patience and actually walks inside to take a look at the letter himself. 

And most importantly – once Tetsurou finishes work, his first course of action will be to call Kei and talk about his results immediately.

Another deep breath follows, and he bites deeply into his lip as he finally taps on the mail with shaky fingers. For a moment, he only sees whiteness as the app takes a second to load the contents, and his heart is pounding loudly and ferociously in his chest. Once the loading is done, he suppresses the urge to close his eyes to win another second in the blissfulness of ignorance, but there’s nothing blissful about not knowing what his future holds for him, so he starts reading instead. 

Dear Tsukishima-san,

We regret to inform you that your application to the University of Tokyo has been rejected…

And just like that, every piece of Kei shatters. 

“Hey, Moonshine,” Tetsurou’s distorted voice came from the speaker of Kei’s laptop. Kei looked up from his notebook and at Tetsurou’s face, half in the shadows from the horrible lighting in his dorm room. He hummed, letting Tetsurou know that he was paying attention. “I’ve been thinking.”

Kei smirks, all too happy to have an opportunity to tease Tetsurou a bit after being hurled over his Literature notes for the better part of the past two hours. “Oh, have you?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. “Was this your first time doing so? Did it hurt?”

Even in the bad lighting and the poor quality of their video chat, Kei didn’t miss the way Tetsurou rolled his eyes. “Ha ha, very funny. I’ll let you know that I think a lot .”

“Hmm, interesting. I would’ve never guessed.” He leaned forward, resting his chin on his palm as he stared at Tetsurou. “You never bother to do it around me.”

Tetsurou smiled that sly, cocky smile of his that Kei had always had a love-hate relationship with. “That’s because you make it hard to think when I’m with you, Moonshine,” he mused. “You drive me insane, and I love you too much to focus on anything else than you. ”

The heat that crept up on Kei’s cheeks was nothing to ignore – he could feel just how bright red Tetsurou’s words had made him. Quickly, he buried his face in his palms, cursing his boyfriend under his breath for turning Kei’s banter into shameless flirting that somehow still had the same effect on him even after all this time. 

Embarrassed and flustered, he murmured, “I hate you,” just loudly enough for Tetsurou to pick up on it. All he got is a triumphant giggle in response, and Kei would’ve glared at him if it wasn’t for his face still burning. 

“Ah, I’ll never get tired of this,” Tetsurou said, amused, and a loud squeak let Kei know that he had leaned back in his chair. “You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed,” he teased. 

Kei really hated his boyfriend. He hated that something as simple as “I love you” had the power of turning him into a blushing mess of a person – Tetsurou though, clearly, loved this about him and he never missed an opportunity to use it against him whenever Kei had the upper hand in their banter. 

And he had the audacity to call Daishou-san a sly bastard. 

“So, as I was saying,” Tetsurou continued, with no regard to Kei's current situation. “I was thinking. About what we talked about the other day.” Finally, Kei looked up at him, tilting his head to the side in confusion this time. “About this whole long-distance thing and how to go on after you graduate.”

Kei frowned. “What about it?”

“I had an idea,” Tetsurou told him, and his voice was serious now. He seemed hesitant before he continued speaking, and if he had waited for any longer than a couple moments to say what was on his mind, Kei would’ve gotten concerned about what he was about to hear. “How would you feel about coming to my school and living with me?”

He sounded unsure, his tone lower than usually, and airy as he spoke through an exhale. His confidence nonexistent, it looked like he couldn’t decide if asking the question was appropriate or not, as if he was reconsidering his suggestion – not because he didn’t want Kei to go to Tokyo, but because he thought he was asking for too much.

It wasn’t too much, luckily for him.

For a moment, Kei just stared, surprised by the unexpected invitation to the capital. Once the moment ended, he started laughing. Tetsurou was taken aback by his reaction, Kei could tell from the way his eyes opened wide and his brows curled into a confused frown. “What’s so funny?”

Kei shook his head. “Nothing. Just that, it’s a nice way of ruining your own surprise, Tetsurou.” Before his boyfriend could vocalize the very obvious huh written all over his face, Kei added, “I was already thinking about going there. I was planning on surprising you when I take the entrance exam.”

The way Tetsurou’s face lit up immediately, his confusion morphing into happiness was almost comical. The familiar warmth that spread in his chest was welcomed as Kei saw Tetsurou’s joyful smile grow wide on his face. Tetsurou brought his face closer to the camera, as if he could be physically closer like this.

“Seriously?” Kei nodded, not even trying to keep his own happiness hidden from his face as he heard just how excited Tetsurou sounded. “Oh my god, Moonshine, seriously?”

Kei rolled his eyes affectionately, smiling at his boyfriend. “Yes, Tetsu, seriously.”

In fact, he couldn’t have been more serious. It had been too long since they started dating years ago, with too much distance separating them on each day of their lives, only experiencing their relationship through bad-quality video calls and never-ending text messages. It had been a no-brainer for Kei to choose the University of Tokyo as his first pick – it truly felt like it was his only choice to begin with. 

He would’ve given anything to not have three hundred kilometers between them for any longer, even if it meant leaving his home town and moving to the capital that he hated with all his might. For Tetsurou, it was worth it. He could get used to the overcrowdedness and endless noise of the always awake and never asleep Tokyo – but surviving for any longer in this long-distance relationship was not something he could bear the thought of. 

“I wanna be closer to you,” he added a second later, shy and quiet, but Tetsurou heard him anyway. 

His eyes softened. “I wanna be closer to you, too,” he whispered. Then he thought better. “No, actually, I don’t wanna be closer. I wanna be close . I want to touch you and kiss you and see you and hear you every single day, and not through this stupid call. I want to live with you. I want to finally have a normal relationship with you.”

Wishing nothing more than to have Tetsurou by his side at that very moment to kiss him stupid, Kei just smiled at him. He, too, shared the sentiment that Tetsurou was expressing, the longing for a relationship where their communication didn’t depend on their devices. Touching Tetsurou whenever he wanted, being able to see him only by walking to another room, or kissing him without the desperation of not knowing when the next time would be when they could do it again – it was everything he wanted. 

He wished for what his friend had – to hold Tetsurou’s hand while walking through the town, to exchange quick kisses in the hallways while on their way to their respective classes, to run his fingers through his messy hair whenever he felt the urge for some mysterious reason. They had been denied that lovely domesticity for their entire relationship, and now that his graduation was so close, he finally had the power to change everything with a single document.

And he would be damned before he let this opportunity slip from his fingers. 

No more long-distance, no more nights spent in agony that his other half is hundreds of kilometers away, no more stinging feeling in his chest when he sees how easy Hitoka and Tadashi have it, or how much better Shoyo and Kenma-san can handle their own long-distance with Kenma-san’s job giving him much more free time that he can spend traveling between Sendai and Tokyo. 

He’s done, he’s over this entire bullshit. He wants to have his turn now, he wants to have his own piece of domestic bliss with his partner he loves so much. 

And if he has to move all the way to Tokyo for that, then that’s exactly what he’ll do. 

Missed call from Tetsurou (4)
Tetsurou: Moonshine, are you okay?
Tetsurou: Why aren’t you answering your phone?
Tetsurou: Did the results come in?
Missed call from Tetsurou (5)
Tetsurou: I’ll leave you alone if you’re busy, but call me asap!!
Tetsurou: Love youuuuu Moonshine <3333

(Recalling the day when they first talked about moving in together, Kei can’t help but wonder what the hell was he thinking? He was such a fucking fool for placing all his bets on one university in Tokyo. He should’ve applied for more and left the University of Sendai for the very last – a stupid-stupid decision that he will regret for his entire life.)

Tetsurou: Earth to Moonshine, are you there?
Missed call from Tetsurou (9)
Tetsurou: baby, is everything okay???
Tetsurou: call me back please
Tetsurou: i love you

At first, Kei ignores the ring that echoes through the house. He pulls his fluffy blanket more tightly around his shoulders and ups the volume of the video on his phone that he’s been watching – he’s replaying the stream he missed yesterday night by the streamer that Kenma-san had him get hooked on a couple years ago. 

He usually doesn’t  like just sitting around and watching videos like this, feeling like it’s not a productive use of his time – he prefers to have it as background noise while doing something else like cleaning his bedroom or cooking. Today, however, he’s been drowning himself in a sea of self-pity that he has not yet learnt to swim in yet, and he doesn’t have it in himself to do anything useful. Watching a silly, mindless video to keep himself from thinking too much about his future is the only thing he feels himself up to, even if he’ll definitely hate himself for it later. 

That’s why he ignores the door. Normally, he would answer no matter how much distaste he feels towards socializing most of the time. He has been scolded enough times by his mother for not helping out the neighbors who came by just to ask for some sugar that they have forgotten to buy for the breakfast pancakes, for not taking the mail from the postman or for letting her friend wait for her outside when she was running late from a pre-scheduled gettogether in the living room that she had not told him about in advance. 

But today, he just couldn't care less. He’s finally alone – Akiteru has gone home after spending almost two whole weeks in the house for no other reason that to drive Kei to near-insanity; and his mother, for the first time in months, has found some time to take care of herself and she’s spending the day in the city with her girlfriends doing whatever middle-aged women do in their free-time that Kei has no desire to educate himself on. 

Being alone gives him the perfect excuse to drop the fake smile that says, I’m fine. I’m totally fine, I’m completely okay with not being accepted to Tetsurou’s university that he has been wearing since yesterday. He can finally stop pretending that screaming into the void until someone hears his desperate pleas and gives him the green to attend the University of Tokyo isn’t all he wants to do. He can just lay on the couch in his worn sweaters, eat that entire family-sized pack of chips he bought for himself on impulse on the way home the other day, and occupy his mind by following the streamer’s character on the screen as if it’s the highest form of entertainment known to humankind. 

He’s  aware that he’s being pathetic – but in his humble opinion, he’s allowed to be pathetic every once in a while, especially when he has such a good reason for it. He’s surrounded, day by day, by people who are pathetic twenty-four seven without pause, living their entire pathetic lives in pathetically pathetic ways – if others can afford to be pathetic all the time, so can he, just this once. 

He’ll stop, eventually. For now, he feels perfectly fine just doing this. 

Well, he would, if the ringing would fucking stop. 

He groans. Once the second round of ringing stops, he considers moving himself back to his room to continue his misery-show in his bed, in the company of his stuffed dinosaurs that have already seen the worst of his woesome mood last night after falling into bed and crying his eyes out over his results. He wouldn’t say he’s feeling any better now – in fact, he’s feeling worse and worse with every minute that passes by him on this slow, boring day – but he doesn’t feel like sobbing anymore, so he thinks that’s at least something. 

What he does feel, however, is an incredible burst of frustration upon hearing the ring for the third time. Really? Whoever is standing outside, can't they take a hint, accept that there’s nobody home to open the door and leave? Whatever they want, Kei does not give a shit – unless they’re holding a letter that says that the previous information provided was faulty and he had, in fact, not been rejected by his dream university, he won’t be putting this visit above his mindless pastime on his list of priorities. And, sadly, that is an option that is quite literally in the impossible category, so he refuses to move. 

He tries to focus on the video again – although at this point, he has no idea what’s going on in the game anymore – but it’s short-lived as, for the fourth time, the bell disturbs his peace. At this point, he has no choice but to consider who it might be that could be so eager to be let inside his home. 

It could be his mom, maybe she has forgotten her keys. But not really, she would just use the spare key hidden at the foot of the gate, inside, but just within reach for those who know where to find it. The same logic would apply to Akiteru, or anyone in their family, including Saeko-san and Ryuu-san, so it can’t be any of them. At the very least, if they couldn’t find the key, Akiteru would call him, while the Tanaka siblings would probably start yelling to get his attention, forcing him to let them in before one of the neighbors sues them for disrupting the quietness of this fine Saturday afternoon. 

Tadashi also knows where the key is, he would have no problem just walking in. Hitoka also knows about the key, but she refuses to use it, while Tobio and Shoyo are forbidden from even thinking about it after breaking into his house once last year and using his backyard to practice spikes after they were kicked out of the gym at two in the morning. Hitoka and Tobio would call him, while Shoyo tends to lean on the bell and ring it continuously until Kei (reluctantly) invites him in. 

So it can’t be any of them – and anyway, Kei has made it clearer than the sun yesterday before he hung up during their call, that he doesn’t wish to see any of them for the foreseeable future, preferring to rot by himself in his own personal hell than let his closest friends witness as he breaks down and drowns in his misery. Although it definitely wouldn’t be groundbreaking for Tadashi to see him in such a state, having seen him in even worse conditions over the years, he still wants some time to come to peace with his situation by himself before he can deal with the comfort, opinions and suggestions he might want to provide him with in these difficult times. 

And despite how stupid his friends can be, they do know how to respect boundaries, so he’s certain that none of them are waiting for him outside the gates. 

It could be one of his moms friend’s, but there’s only two to whom she’s close enough to have them over at the house, and both of them are in town with her currently, so that’s out of the question as well. It has also passed the time when the postman usually delivers mail, so it’s highly unlikely that it’s him. Not that a postman would ever bother to ring the bell four times, anyway, Kei highly doubts that they’re paid enough to care that much. 

So really, who the fuck could it be? Kei is pretty much out of options. 

There’s no fifth ring, however, there is a knock on the door. Suddenly feeling enough strength inside of him to lift himself from the couch to stare at the front door he can just barely see from his position on the couch, he frowns. 

Whoever was at the gate, they’re now at the door – which narrows down the possibilities significantly. Those who know about the existence of the spare key are limited, even less are those who are allowed to use it. Not to mention that Kei has already crossed most of them off from being possible visitors, so it leaves him more confused than before. Could it be his grandmother? But she would surely call him instead of standing outside for so long. 

For only a second that quickly comes and goes, he wonders if he should call the police – but he doubts that many robbers or serial killers would bother to use the bells and knock, let alone do all that during the daytime when anyone can see them, so he shakes that thought out of his head. Groaning, he stands from the couch, and he mourns his peace as he stretches his slightly cramped arms above his head. 

“I’m coming,” he calls out, just loudly enough for the person outside to hear, as he gets into his soft slippers by the leg of the couch, drops his blanket on the backrest and walks towards the door. A quick glance in the mirror in the hallway lets him know that he looks pretty much unpresentable in his current state, so he quickly tucks his T-shirt into his pants and tries to fix his hair as much as he can so it doesn’t resemble the abandoned nest of a bird anymore – it doesn’t help a lot, but it’s something . 

He inhales, bracing himself for having to face whoever is standing outside, and then he opens the door. 

His jaw all but drops to the floor. 

There stands Kuroo Tetsurou, in a jacket that is yet way too thin for the weather, black pants and his hair the messy perfection that is so fundamentally him that Kei could not even imagine him without it anymore. In his hands there’s a small bouquet of flowers (forget-me-nots and lilies of the valley – Kei’s favorites) and a white plastic bag that Kei can’t see the contents of. 

He’s smiling softly and he’s looking with care, concern and love shining in his eyes – and from that alone, Kei knows that Tetsurou knows. 

He can barely fight off the urge to slap the door in his face. 

“Hey, Moonshine,” he says, tilting his head to the side adorably. He’s quiet, which is weirding Kei out. Whenever he visits, surprise or not, he grins like an idiot and speaks loudly, unable to mask his enthusiasm over reuniting with his boyfriend after gods-knows how long of only seeing him virtually. 

The fact that Tetsurou is being overly careful from the first moment of them meeting again, and how he doesn’t rush to wrap him in a tight hug, spin him around and kiss him senseless immediately, speaks volumes of how considerate he’s trying to be. 

Kei hates it. 

“Tetsu,” Kei whispers once he awakens from the shock. “What are you–

“Tadashi-kun called me,” he explains. “He didn’t say what happened, he thought it would be better to hear from you, but… It wasn’t exactly hard to figure out, you know?”

Kei is going to murder Tadashi – he asked him specifically yesterday to not say a word to Tetsurou. His best friend had better be aware that his days are numbered. 

“Can I come in?”

Suddenly aware that they’re still standing at the door, Kei nods and steps aside, opening the door wider to let his boyfriend in. Tetsurou steps inside without a word, and immediately goes to place his shoes to his usual spot, right next to Kei’s favorite pair of sneakers on the rack. 

After the door clicks shut, Kei turns around, the words “Would you like something to drink?” on the tip of his tongue, as if Tetsurou doesn’t move around in the house like it was his own. 

However, he has no chance of actually vocalizing the thought. The moment he turns, he finds himself enveloped in a warm embrace – nothing like the usual one that screams I missed you, I love you, I’ll never let you go again , rather it’s a comforting reassurance that Kei almost immediately melts into, the walls that kept him from showing his emotions to Tetsurou all those years ago long forgotten and torn down. 

He hugs him back barely a moment later, and his previous sentiment of not feeling like crying anymore is gone. His eyes water, blurring the edges of the room, but he refuses to let the tears go. Tetsurou has just arrived – he’s not going to start weeping into his shoulder just a minute after he passed the threshold. 

Later? Who knows. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tetsurou murmurs, pulling Kei tighter to his chest, and he only now notices that his hands are empty, the plastic bag and flower are now on top of the table under the hooks, and the backpack that has apparently been on his shoulders but Kei hasn’t noticed before, is laying on the ground, clearly having been tossed there without a second thought.

Kei sighs. He doesn’t know what to say – he has not prepared to talk about this with Tetsurou. Not this soon, anyway. Not less than a day after he got the results. And certainly not in person. 

But now that Tetsurou is here, he guesses he doesn’t exactly have a choice. If long-distance has been good for anything, it was certainly good for them both to improve their communication skills, at least with each other. Tetsurou now tends to get to his point a lot quicker than he used to, always aware of not having all the time in the world to talk during their calls and finding it a hustle to ramble about unimportant things in text; and Kei has learnt to be less emotionally constipated and more open about his struggles because he can’t possibly expect Tetsurou to pick up on his every mood-change when the video chat is so bad that they can count the individual pixels that make up their faces. 

But that is the one and only thing he would ever count as a benefit of their misery. 

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t have to apologize,” Tetsurou hurries to say. “I just wish you’d told me instead of ignoring me. I could’ve gotten here by the morning.”

“You didn’t have to-

“Of course I did. Sorry I took too long.”

Kei huffs, amused by how dramatic his Tetsurou can be sometimes. “It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since I got the results, Tetsu,” he says reassuringly so his boyfriend doesn’t feel guilty for only showing up now. “I don’t think you can consider this too long .”

Tetsurou shakes his head, the movement tickling Kei’s neck the tiniest bit.  “It’s always too long when you’re hurting and I’m not with you. I wish it wasn’t a three-hour ride.”

Kei freezes in his place in Tetsurou’s arms, the weight of his failure dropping on his shoulder once more upon hearing those last few words. 

I wish it wasn’t a three-hour ride , Tetsurou said, just like they both have said dozens and hundreds and thousands of times before. Just like they have been saying ever since Tetsurou first kissed him in the training camp of Kei’s first year, all through the difficult moments of their relationship when they wanted nothing more than to be physically close to each other in a way that they have never been allowed. 

They were never supposed to wish for such a thing again. Kei was never supposed to be three-hundred kilometers away from Tetsurou again, they were never supposed to travel for three hours just to see each other again. Kei was supposed to put an end to this agony and he failed.

God-fucking-damnit , they were not supposed to have reunions like this anymore, clinging to each other in desperate need to not let go ever again. Moving to Tokyo, renting a small apartment together, spending every night in each other’s arms – that was their plan, that has been their plan this whole fucking time , and Kei fucked it up like it was nothing , he–

“Moonshine?” Tetsurou asks, interrupting his training of thoughts as he notices that Kei has gone stiff in his embrace. 

“I’m sorry,” Kei whispers once again, his voice wet with his unshed tears and the sobs he’s trying to hold down. 

Tetsurou exhales into the skin on Kei’s shoulder where his oversized T-shirt has left it exposed. “You have nothing to apologize-

“But I do,” Kei insists. “I failed,” he says, the word burning his tongue like acid. “And now we can’t be together in Tokyo and it’s all my fault, and-

“Hey, baby, no. Look at me,” Tetsurou blabbers as he pulls away just enough so he can cup Kei’s cheeks between his palms and look into his eyes. The evident adoration, concern and despair in his gorgeous hazel-golden eyes are almost enough for the dam to break and the tears to start flowing. “It’s alright.”

Kei shakes his head, as much as he can in Tetsurou’s gentle hands. “But it’s not.”

Tetsurou smiles – it’s a sad smile, one that Kei is not used to seeing on his boyfriend’s usually happy, cheerful face. He hates it – he hates that it’s because of him. 

“We’ve made it work for three years, right? What’s a couple more?”

Kei can’t help the scoff escape from deep inside of him. “We’re both tired of this, Tetsu. We both know it can’t go on like this forever.”

“It doesn’t have to be forever, just a little more.”

Kei doesn’t want a little more – he wants it all right now. He wants the morning kisses and the midnight cuddles and the date nights and the brunches in that once place Tetsurou is always talking about. He wants the double dates with Koutarou and Keiji that they’ve been planning for years , he wants to not wake up to the other side of his bed being empty and soulless in the absence of Tetsurou.

He wants it like he’s never wanted anything before, and he doesn’t know how he could move forward, to get on with his life, alone, with Tetsurou always being so painfully out of his reach and pretending that it’s fine.

He can’t do it anymore, he can’t, he can’t, he can’t.  

“This fucked up all our plans, Tetsu. I destroyed them.”

“Kei, for the love of god, stop talking,” Tetsurou begs. “You didn’t destroy anything.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course I did.”

“I’m actually being very serious right now,” Tetsurou says, and yes, Kei knows. He’s known this man for his entire three years of high school, and during that time, he’s had all the opportunities once could wish for to get to know Tetsurou. He knows when he’s joking, when he’s being silly, and when he’s serious. 

And right now, from the way his words are firm but gentle, his hand on Kei’s cheeks is warm and grounding, and his eyes are unwilling to look away from Kei’s, shining with a clatter of emotions that has Kei feel overwhelmed, he knows just how serious he is being. He knows how ever single word he says, he means them with no exception. 

But Kei has never been able to handle these kinds of situations with as much grace as Tetsurou. 

“We can make it work, Kei. I know we can. Unless you truly want to break up over this, but even if you told me that you do, I wouldn’t believe you.” He’s so confident in what he’s saying, his tone nothing if not assertive. “I mean it, Moonshine. We can make it work.”

Truly, Kei wants to believe him – he always wants to believe Tetsurou, especially when he's talking like this. But, and not for the first time in their relationship, he simply can’t bring himself to have such a positive view of their future as Tetsurou does. 

Especially when proof for their seemingly inevitable downfall is as palpable as the mail stored inside his phone. 

“And how, exactly?” He asks, unable to keep the skepticism out of voice.  

“I don’t know yet,” Tetsurou says, and it has Kei roll his eyes in exasperation. “But we’ll figure it out. I know you hate this, I hate it too, but I’m not giving up on you, you hear me? I’m not. Not now, and not ever. Even if half the world was between us, I still wouldn’t give up on you. On us. ” He sounds so anxious now, something about his reassured, confident demeanor almost breaking under pressure. “I swear we will figure something out. I’ll move to Miyagi if I have to.”

Kei’s eyes open wide, flabbergasted by the proposal. His surprised expression is enough for Tetsurou to drop his hands, but he doesn’t step away and neither does Kei. What he does, however, is put on his best look of incredulity mixed with his trademark expression of “Are you stupid?” to let Tetsurou know what he really thinks about this unexpected idea. 

“No,” he says firmly, his voice not allowing any type of argument. 

“Kei-

“ No ,” Kei repeats, shaking his head. “You’re not switching schools in your last year, Tetsurou. And you’re definitely not giving up on the JVA internship for me. I won’t let you do that.”

He has worked so hard to get that internship, studying day and night, emailing professors and doing his most and more to get connections at the JVA to be accepted as an intern. He has worked his ass off in the most literal sense of the expression in the last two years just to be where he is right now. 

And for the first time, he’s about to actually make use of his time there. He’s no longer the errand boy he was in his first few months, nor is he forced to watch everything go down from the sidelines like he’s just a viewer with an exceptionally good spot on the bleachers instead of actually accompanying the JVA employees on their trips to check out the various second and third rated teams of Tokyo. 

Finally, he has been promised opportunities that go beyond brewing coffee and organizing documents in folders. If everything goes well, he’ll have the chance to work closely with a second-division team as an intern – still just an observer, but an observer who will receive valuable experiences that will help him find his footing once he graduates. 

Experiences that will help him secure an actual place at the JVA when he’s ready to enter the work-force next year. 

If he were to leave all of that behind to live with Kei in Miyagi, he would destroy everything he has built in the past fourteen months. Not in a million years would Kei let him make that mistake. He’d rather end their relationship here and now to make him stay in the capital than have him give up his dreams for him. 

“I don’t care.”

“Tetsurou, you can’t be stupid enough to mean that.” It’s not a question, it’s a plea. Please, tell me you’re not stupid enough to leave your life behind and waste your once-in-a-lifetime opportunities just to be close to me. Please, don’t make me break up with you to keep you on the right track. Please, Tetsurou, you’re smarter than that, I know that you are.

“I guess I am,” Tetsurou retorts, throwing his arms up in the air in an overdramatic shrug. 

Kei wants to hit him. 

“This is your dream. Your future , Tetsurou.”

Tetsurou chuckles, and he reaches for Kei’s hands that are hanging by his sides. He intertwines their fingers and Kei lets him, his touch always welcome even when he’s being a stupid goddamn idiot of a man talking about sacrificing everything he’s worked for ever since Nekoma lost to Karasuno years ago. 

“Don’t you get it?” Tetsurou whispers, lifting Kei’s left hand and pressing a soft, feather-light kiss on his knuckles that makes warmth rush into his face. Then, he looks up at Kei through his lashes. “ You are my dream. You are my future.”

For a second, Kei just stares – stares into Tetsurou’s eyes, so honest and gorgeous. Then, as his words make it to the back of his mind, he feels something inside of him break into a million pieces, and he can’t hold back his tears anymore. Flowing freely like they were meant to be, the tears create a river on his face only to eventually fall to the ground once they reach his chin. 

No more words needed, Tetsurou pulls him back into his embrace. Kei finds his face buried in Tetsurou’s shoulder, with his hand drawing soothing circles on his back and the other buried in his hair, holding him close. Kei wraps his arms around Tetsurou, he sobs into his jacket and soaks the fabric with his tears. Tetsurou doesn’t seem to mind. 

And apparently, he doesn’t mind that everything they had planned has effectively been ruined by Kei. Nothing in the way he talks or the way he looks at Kei hits at any kind of resentment – he’s being supportive, as always, and Kei can’t help but think that it’s almost too good to be true, too perfect. Not for the first time he wonders how he managed to get a boyfriend like Tetsurou, what good deeds he did in his previous life to deserve this man’s love. 

Whatever it was, he’s grateful. Having Tetsurou in his life is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to him. He no longer remembers what it was like to live without him, and he’d do anything just to not experience it again. 

Even if that means suffering through even more years of separation and pain. 

Tetsurou doesn’t notice when Kei comes back to the room, he’s too busy looking at whatever he’s found on Kei’s desk that he can’t see from where he’s standing at the door. Instead, he takes a good look at Tetsurou, he eyes him from head to toe, and a small smile creeps its way up to his lips at the adorable sight. 

Tetsurou and he are about the same height and size, but something is somehow always off whenever they wear each other’s clothes. Kei’s legs are longer, so Tetsurou has to roll up the bottom so he doesn’t step on them, while his T-shirts are often slightly too small on him since his top muscles have always been a lot more defined than Kei’s. Despite it all, neither of them would ever voluntarily stop dressing from the other’s wardrobe when they visit, especially when they’re just lounging around at home. 

Of course, Kei wouldn’t wear Tetsurou’s jeans outside just to have them uncomfortably short on his legs, and Tetsurou would not borrow any of Kei’s jackets because he needs more space at the shoulders – but they’re more than okay with the sweater sets and lousy T-shirts they only ever wear at home not being their exact size. There’s a certain charm to it that neither of them can deny. 

Not that Tetsurou has any other choice, anyway. Apparently, coming to Miyagi was a rush decision – so rushed that the moment he hung up the call with Tadashi, he packed up his backpack only checking whether his wallet was inside, threw in his charger and the stuffed cat he sleeps with, and he was on his way. No change of clothes whatsoever – on the other hand, he did stop on his way to buy flowers and a slice of strawberry shortcake.

Typical Tetsurou; absolutely no sense of priorities. 

Kei closes the door behind himself, finally walking inside the room. 

“Hey,” he says, and Tetsurou immediately looks up at him with a confused frown. 

“Hey. What’s this?”

Kei takes a step closer and glances at the paper at Tetsurou’s hand. From a bit closer, he finally recognizes what it is, and he has to admit he should’ve known earlier from its vivid green color. He doesn’t even remember putting that flier on his desk, where the hell did Tetsurou find it?

“That is a flier,” he states blandly, walking past Tetsurou and his desk towards his wardrobe to pick out a pair of socks that he forgot to take to the bathroom with himself before his shower. 

“No shit,” Tetsurou replies, and Kei can visualize his eye roll even without seeing his face. He quickly puts on the socks while Tetsurou continues talking. “Why do you have a flier from the Sendai Frogs? This is not the kind of flier they just give to anyone…” He stops for a bit, as if he’s giving a chance for Kei to start explaining. When that doesn’t happen, he asks, “Were you scouted?”

Kei takes a deep breath. 

He’s been trying his hardest not to think of that flier ever since he received it. Between practicing for the nationals, preparing for the entrance exams and handling his anxiety about his and Tetsurou’s future, it’s been relatively easy to ignore it – even if sometimes, when he took a second to breathe between his tasks and his mind wasn’t fully occupied with other thoughts, it would pop up in the front of brain, demanding his attention. 

For the most part, he didn’t dare to entertain the idea for more than a few seconds. The Sendai Frogs were not part of the future he was planning for himself, so why would he care? 

Admittedly, it made him excited to know that he was considered good enough to be scouted by a semi-professional team even before he graduated high school, and he’s been thinking about turning volleyball into something of a career for a couple years now – but his life was not supposed to have a future in Miyagi, so ultimately, it would’ve been nothing but a waste of his time and energy to ponder on the possibilities the Sendai Frogs could’ve had in store for him. 

“Kei,” Tetsurou calls his name after taking too long to answer. Kei straightens up and turns around to look at his boyfriend. Tetsurou is staring at him with expectant eyes, and Kei can tell just from that simple glance that he’s going to freak out when Kei tells him the truth. 

“Yeah.”

Eyes going wide and opening his arms in wonder, Tetsurou blinks at him with complete shock. “And you didn’t tell me?”

Kei shrugs. “It wasn’t important,” he lies, and makes his way to his bed to sit on the edge. Tetsurou follows him with his eyes and ultimately turns to keep facing him, but he doesn’t come closer to him. 

“Wasn’t important?” His gaze travels back to the flier in his hand, as if to make sure it truly is what he thinks it is, and then it goes right back to Kei. “You were scouted by a Division Two team, and you think it’s not important?”

Of course, it is important – in the sense that Kei now has undefiable proof that he could have a place in the professional volleyball world, if he wanted to get on that train. If the Sendai Frogs think that he could be a good addition to their team as a middle blocker, then it shouldn’t be hard to find another Second Division team that could use a new defense player, should he decide to keep playing after high school. 

The fact that it was the Sendai Frogs that scouted him, is not particularly important. 

“I only accepted it out of politeness,” he says, recalling the moment when the manager of the team approached him. He was so shocked at the unexpected offer, and so exhausted after the tiring match he had just finished playing, that he barely had it in himself to not collapse in front of the manager, instead just opting to accept the flier and excused himself saying that he had to celebrate with his team. “I’m not going to the tryouts.”

Tetsurou looks almost offended. “Why not?”

“Because until yesterday, I was supposed to be moving to Tokyo next month.”

As Tetsurou’s expression softens to quiet understanding, Kei decides that it is the end of this conversation. He takes the opportunity to crawl up to the header of his bed to organize everything for the night. He pushes his pillow to the right side of the bed while he places Tetsurou’s to the left, centraling them both until there’s very little space between. He reaches for his bedside table and grabs his favorite dinosaur – with Tetsurou here, the rest of them have been demoted to stay in the chest at the leg of his bed – and places it in that small place between the pillows. Then, he does the same with Tetsurou’s cat. 

It won’t stay like this for long – once they get in bed and they cuddle up, the plushies will be tossed to the side so they have full access to each other. But for now, it’s cute. Tetsurou often jokes about their stuffed animals being in love, too, suffering the effects of the long-distance relationship just as much as they do. Mostly, Kei pretends to find the idea funny, but he secretly thinks it’s cute. He would never tell that to Tetsurou, though.

Tetsurou walks closer, steps loud as ever, and then there’s a dip in the mattress right behind Kei. Finishing up the bed, Kei turns around once again to face Tetsurou, who still has the flier in his hand and an expression on his face that has never meant anything good to Kei. 

“The tryouts are on Monday,” he says, and Kei already knows what he’s referring to. “You should go.”

Kei sighs. He should’ve known Tetsurou wouldn’t let it go so fast. 

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because if I go, and I make it to the team, it will be awkward to leave next year.”

“Why would you leave next year?”

Kei sends his boyfriend a look . “I thought it was obvious I’d try the University of Tokyo next year again.”

The frown deepens between Tetsurou’s brows. “Why the hell would you do that if you play professionally?”

“Are you even paying attention to me? I’m not gonna do it, I’m not even gonna go to the tryouts, Tetsurou.” But his boyfriend’s expression doesn’t clear up, so Kei rolls his eyes and asks, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because I don’t get it–

“What don’t you–

“Kei, this is a huge opportunity,” Tetsurou says, pointing at the flier. “You can’t just miss it because of what might happen in a year.”

“What, you don’t want me to go to Tokyo all of the sudden?”

“Oh shut up, you know that’s not what I meant. Look– Come here.” He puts down the paper and reaches for Kei’s hand to pull him on his lap. Kei doesn’t resist, but he finds it a bit weird for Tetsurou to do this in the middle of a mild argument of sorts. Perhaps it is not the best time to sit like this, but it’s not like Kei would ever refuse such an invitation. Tetsurou has only himself to blame if it gets more awkward like this. 

Once Kei is sitting comfortably on Tetsurou’s lap, he cups his cheeks just like he did in the hallways before. “Listen to me, Moonshine. It’s very simple, you’re just not thinking right.”

Kei rolls his eyes again – he tends to forget, when they spend so much time apart, that Tetsurou has the tendency to make him do that very often, as if it’s a hobby of his, or a secret talent that he loves to exploit. Or at the very least, he finds it a guilty pleasure to irritate Kei. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, you’re not thinking logically . Hey, stop rolling your eyes at me, they’re gonna be stuck like that.” Just for the hell of it, Kei rolls his eyes once again , to make sure the annoyance is mutual between them. It’s only fair this way. 

“Oh, then how should I be thinking?”

Letting go of his face, Tetsurou presses a quick kiss on the tip of Kei’s nose with a disgustingly sweet smile – definitely for no other reason than making Kei blush furiously. 

“My love,” he starts, and he places his hands on Kei’s waist. “You know I’m about to start my last year in university, right?”

For once, Kei resists the urge to roll his eyes, knowing that the red flush over his face would render his frustration effectively useless – his asshole of a boyfriend definitely did it on purpose. He knows exactly just what effect he has on Kei and he’s never been afraid to use that knowledge against him. But he does lift one of his eyebrows, silently asking “Yes, so what?”

Tetsurou chuckles and shakes his head, and then he grabs Kei’s waist more firmly and pulls him forward. 

“You know what I wanna do after graduation?”

“Work at the JVA.”

“Exactly.”

He looks at Kei with such conviction, as if from this irrelevant piece of information, he’s supposed to know what he’s getting at. Everyone who knows the first thing about Tetsurou, knows that his number one career goal for his life is to be employed at the Japanese Volleyball Association, bring the love of volleyball to the new generations, like he did to Kei, and work close to his friends playing in the league. 

It’s such well-known information that even Kei’s current first years know about it – and not because he talks about Tetsurou too much or has ever mentioned his plans to his kohai before. It’s simply because Kuroo would never shut up about it whenever he visited Karasuno at practice. He would never miss an opportunity to start blabbering about his dreams and the steps he has already taken and is planning to take soon in order to reach them. 

(He can be so dramatic about it, too, like he’s doing some superhero-movie type of heroism by spreading love for his favorite sport. Kei is convinced that if Tetsurou had never started playing volleyball, he’d be a theater kid through and through.)

So really, what is Kei supposed to take from that fact? What kind of explanation is he supposed to hear between the lines? He has absolutely no clue. 

“And?”

Laughing to himself, it is Tetsurou’s turn to roll his eyes, albeit his is a lot more affectionate than what Kei has been blessing him with for the past few minutes. “ And , the JVA has headquarters in Miyagi.”

That still doesn’t explain anything. 

“Tetsurou, would you just say what you mean finally?”

“Really, Kei? Isn’t it obvious? If they do end up offering me a job after graduation, I can ask them to place me in Sendai, and move here.”

It’s official – Tetsurou has lost his mind. 

“You can’t be serious, Tetsu.”

“Why wouldn’t I be serious?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” He asks, mocking the tone Tetsurou used previously, with the exact words. 

“No, it’s not, so spell it out for me.”

“What is there to spell out? There’s so many things that could go wrong with this ‘plan’,” he says, drawing quotation marks in the air. He wouldn’t really call this a real plan – it’s more like a rushed idea Tetsurou has just come up with to salvage this goddamn situation they have gotten themselves into – more accurately, Kei has gotten them into. 

Clearly, he’s looking at this whole thing through a very specific angle and all the obstacles that could and would get into their way are just out of his sight. Once Kei points them out, he’ll be aware of the flaws of his idea – he’ll be forced to reconsider it and finally forget about it. 

“Nothing could go wrong, I’m convinced,” Tetsurou replies with a smirk. “But go ahead. Try to change my mind.”

Gods, Tetsurou can be so goddamn infuriating!

But fine – if he wants Kei to change his mind, that’s what’s gonna happen. 

“What if they don’t need new people in Sendai?”

“They do,” Tetsurou retorts confidently. 

“You can’t be sure.”

“I can, actually.” He’s talking like the smartass that he is – Kei hates him. “My bosses are always complaining about how the countryside offices are too understaffed for how big the association is. I think they’d be thrilled to have someone come here willingly.”

Fine, that’s fair. He has actually heard about the Sendai office being understaffed. Kogane mentioned it a couple months ago – they were both scouted during the latest Miyagi finals for the Spring Tournament, after Karasuno’s match against Date Tech. He mentioned, later when they were talking about the offer they received, that the manager of the Frogs only had one JVA employee with her because they could only spare one agent during such busy times. 

So, Tetsurou can have one point for himself. 

Whatever.  

“Okay, what if you don’t even get an offer?”

Both of Tetsuoru’s eyebrows run up. “That’s even easier, Moonshine, what are we talking about? I can just move here then.”

“But you love Tokyo.”

“And? You think I wouldn’t be willing to leave it for you?”

“That doesn’t mean that you should .”

“ You love Sendai and you were ready to move up to Tokyo for me. It’s the same. One of us has to move either way, I don’t see why it has to be you. Especially if I’m no longer tied to Tokyo after graduation.”

“But–

“Not to mention that renting a place here would be a hell of a lot cheaper than in Tokyo,” he continues, clearly considering the idea for real. “I mean, prices are crazy these days everywhere, but Sendai is far from being Tokyo. Really, if for nothing else, it would be worth it from a financial point of view. Neither of us is made of money.” He looks Kei deep in his eyes. “Well, not yet, at least. But if I can make it in the JVA, I’ll be earning a lot eventually, and you won’t be complaining about a semi-professional salary, either.” Again, he pulls Kei closer and this time wraps his arms around him in a hug. “It’s perfect, actually.”

Kei tries to swallow the lump forming in his throat. He turns away, suddenly not feeling brave enough to keep looking at Tetsurou, but his effort is in vain when, for the third time today, he feels Tetsurou’s hands cup his cheeks. He gently turns his face back towards him, and he smiles softly as he sees that Kei’s eyes are filling up with tears again. 

“Hey,” he whispers. “What’s wrong? We have a new plan. Isn’t that a good thing?” His voice is soft, but there’s worry laced into his words, undoubtedly concerned and maybe even a bit upset by Kei’s reaction. 

“It is ,” he agrees to ease that expression from Tetsurou’s face. “But we already had one. What’s to say this one won’t fail?”

Nothing, really, right? They can make a hundred plans, they can think of a thousand different ways to reach the ideal future they have painted for themselves, but there’s always a possibility that nothing is going to work out how they want. What if they’re not meant to be together in the long run and life will keep throwing hardships at them until they finally give up?

Tetsurou wipes a stray tear from under Kei’s eye. “If it fails, then we’ll just figure out something else.”

Kei inhales deeply. “But, Tetsu–

“Moonshine, I’ve told you already, I’m not giving up on you. I don’t know what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours,” he says, lifting a hand for a moment to knock on Kei’s temple gently with the tip of his index finger, “but stop it. I don’t care how many times we have to rearrange everything, but we’ll make it. Together, we’ll make it. There’s nothing you and I can’t face if we’re together.”

That brings Kei to a light chuckle. “That’s cheesy.”

Tetsurou smiles, and it’s one of those stupidly attractive ones that is halfway between a pretty smile and a teasing smirk. To this day, Kei has no idea how he can do that, and he hates it – he hates it, because it looks so fucking good on him. 

“I know. But you love it,” he teases, and he’s right. Kei has always loved Tetsurou’s cheesiness – it’s yet another thing he would never confess to out loud. “And anyway, I mean it. We can achieve anything as long as we’re together. I believe that.”

Kei can’t say that his worries are gone – far from it, actually. His worries are alive and well inside of him, the anxiety that he’s been forced to get familiar with along the years is too comfortable inside Kei to just vanish upon a few words whispered into this sacred space between Tetsurou and him. He doubts they will ever leave – at least not until they’re laying in their bed, in their own room , in their own place , not to be separated by hundreds of kilometers again. 

But he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t been breathing easier ever since Tetsurou showed up, let alone how every single word that has left his lips has been doing wonders to the broken pieces of his soul that have been laying shattered around his bedroom floor since yesterday. They’re not enough to glue together the fractures all at once to make it whole again – but Kei is finding it harder and harder to ignore the newly bubbling hope in his chest, easing up the tension in his shoulder and the deep-rooted fear of separation. 

Tetsurou sounds so sure, so confident. It’s certain that he’s not willing to let anything come between them, not now or ever – the evidence is in his eyes, the way he looks at Kei with such love and assurance that it’s almost overwhelming to look at him for too long. Kei leans down, burying his face once again in that perfect spot between Tetsurou’s neck and shoulder where he always nestles into when they cuddle in bed at night. 

Maybe he can take one more year. It’ll be hell on earth, possibly the hardest they’ve ever endured, but he can make it. If Tetsurou truly believes that they still have a chance of building a life together, if only a year later than they initially planned, then who is Kei to think otherwise?

Tetsurou alone can’t carry this relationship on his back, after all. If he thinks that this could work out, that in a year they could achieve what they’ve been waiting for, then it’s really not that big of a deal, right? One year. Just one more year. 

Relief feels like an ice-cold bucket of water poured on him – shocking, unexpected, near uncomfortable in its suddenness. And yet it’s refreshing, like jumping into a pool during the crazy summer heat. After months of being anxious over not letting himself be anxious over his future, and then suddenly it all dropping on him, much like pianos drop on innocent bystanders in cartoons, it truly feels like breathing in fresh air for the first time. 

Tetsurou is here – and he’s not going anywhere. 

“I love you,” he murmurs into his boyfriend’s skin. 

Tetsurou tightens his hold around Kei, and then he presses a kiss into his hair. “I love you, too. Always.” For a moment, it’s silent between them, only the sound of their breathing interrupting the quiet. But of course, this is Tetsurou – it doesn’t take long for him to find something to fill the silence with. “But just to make sure we’re on the same page. You’re going to the tryouts on Monday, right?”

Kei bursts out in quiet laughter. Of course, that’s what Tetsurou would be worried about – it’s a part of his job description, he assumes. 

He pushes himself back, albeit reluctantly, to look at Tetsurou again. 

“I will,” he promises. “But my acceptance rates are very low these days, you know.”

Tetsurou purses his lips in a pout. “You were accepted to the University of Sendai, right?” Kei nods. “That means your acceptance rate is fifty percent. That sounds normal to me. And trust me, the Frogs would be stupid to not hire you immediately. Your name is known in the JVA, everyone knows that Karasuno High School’s Tsukishima Kei from Sendai is on top of the best secondary school middle blockers list. I’m not saying it for certain, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the Frogs have had their eyes on you ever since Ushijima. As far as I know, they’ve been struggling to find a truly solid middle blocker for years now. They’d be shooting themselves in the leg to pass up on you.” He smiles. “You’re really adorable when you blush, you know?”

Kei buries his face in his hands, his glasses hanging awkwardly from his fingers, as Tetsurou points out his ever reddening cheeks. He can’t help it – Tetsurou’s words have this superpower of turning him into  a flustered mess. It doesn’t matter if he says he’s pretty, if he confesses his love or he compliments his volleyball skills; his mind shuts off, unable to respond properly, and only the blood rushing into his face reveals how he feels. 

He hates it. 

“Shut up,” he groans into his palms. 

Tetsurou laughs, loudly and truly, and Kei has to look at him through his fingers despite his still lingering embarrassment, because he simply can’t afford to miss a single second of a happy Tetsurou when there’s no way of telling when they’ll see each other again once he leaves in a couple days. 

It’s a beautiful sight – the smile lines around his mouth and under his eyes, the way his nose scrunches a bit, that awfully pretty, contagious smile that has never failed to sweep Kei off his feet even once, his laughter that Kei is convinced could resolve world peace if he tried hard enough… Kuroo Tetsurou is the most gorgeous man to live in this world, and he would fight anyone who dares to say otherwise. 

Tetsurou reaches for Kei’s wrists, and he pulls his hands away from his face. Then, he leans in to kiss his cheek, initiating another wave of flush to spread across Kei. When he pulls away, Tetsurou is smiling at him like he puts the moon and all the stars in the night sky and Kei is falling in love once again. 

It’s not true, of course. If anyone, then it was Tetsurou who hung them all, perfectly and with such care that only he possesses in this whole world. 

“Let’s take things step by step, okay?” He lets go of Kei’s wrists, but only to take his hands into his own. “Tomorrow, we’ll eat pancakes for breakfast, and then the day after tomorrow, we’re going to the Sendai Frogs tryouts. That’s all. Everything else will have to come after that.” He brushes Kei’s bangs out of his eyes, and then he presses a kiss in the middle of his forehead.

“If we burn the pancakes, then we’ll make waffles, and if you don’t make it to the Frogs, then we’ll figure out how to move on. It’ll take time, but we have to be patient. And if at the end I’ll get to come home to you every day for the rest of our lives, then it’s worth the wait, even if it takes another year to get there. And I’ll wait. Will you?”

That’s not even a question – how could he not? 

For Tetsurou, he’ll wait for eternity. 

“Always.”