Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Frank settled himself into a seat in the empty principal's office, a soft sigh leaving his chest as he looked around. The room was just as dull and boring as it had been when he went to school there; all beige and white with a multitude of papers stuck to the wall, detailing achievements and boasting ‘thank you’ cards. Frank was actually really fond of the current principal and found himself disappointed in the lack of decoration or anything substantial, really. He was a firm believer that schools should be filled with colour and murals and art, rather than holding the prison-like feeling they always seemed to. Although his ADHD brain would definitely have been distracted by anything other than the boring, white walls.

He was only alone for three minutes before the door opened behind him and a man walked in that he hadn't seen before. If Frank didn't already know the principal, he would have assumed this man was it. He looked to be the same age as him with brown hair tucked behind his ears, streaks of grey showing when they caught the light. His eyes were hazel and seemed kind behind the fear that was currently showing in them, frown lines etched into his forehead. He wore a suit but almost seemed uncomfortable in it, shoulders slouched a little as though he wasn't certain of his own body.

“Hi, um,” he started, taking the seat beside Frank and clasping his hands together in his lap as though he needed to be holding onto something. “I'm Gerard. Are you the other parent?”

“Frank.” He stuck out his hand with a warm smile, surprised to find that the other man's grip was firm. “Iero. I'm Cassie's dad. I have no idea what happened, I was just told she got into a fight.” He glanced down at himself, realising suddenly that he must look unkempt next to this smart, pristine man.

Frank was wearing a t-shirt that had drying sweat stains down the front, back and underarms, along with shorts and trainers that were about two years past their use. He was, of course, completely littered in tattoos which only added to the fact that Gerard was clearly a professional and Frank was not. Not to mention that the side of his head was shaved to show his newest addition of a grim reaper on his skull that he had only gotten done two days prior.

“You'll have to excuse all of this.” He gestured at himself with a sheepish grin. “I was in the middle of a run when I got the call. I use my shittiest clothes when I'm out since I wear them out so fast.” Frank frowned when Gerard only gave him a tight smile, letting him know he didn't care less about what he was wearing. “So who's your kid?”

“Oh, uh, Erin.”

“Erin Way?” Frank's eyebrows rose when he nodded stiffly. “Right, okay. Interesting that the girls are fighting again.”

“Do they.. Does that happen a lot?”

Frank found it strange that he didn't know, considering that Cassie and Erin had been best friends for almost all of high school. “No, well.. It's been happening more lately. But they're teenagers. What can you expect, right?” He laughed lightly, feeling awkward once again when Gerard just looked down at his hands. People usually tended to like Frank; he was easy-going and comfortable to be around. But this guy could barely even look at him. Was it something he was doing or did Gerard just really not want to be there? Maybe both.

“My wife usually deals with school stuff but she's away at the minute.”

“Lindsey, right?” Frank smiled when he got that curt nod again.

He couldn't help but think about what it would be like to see Gerard smiling properly at him, to know what that might look like. He had really beautiful eyes and a gorgeous side profile, it was all just hidden behind his awkwardness and the weirdly stiff way he held himself. But Frank always tried to look for the beauty in people.

“I've met her a good few times when she was dropping Erin at mine. I always wondered what her husband was like.”

This comment made Gerard look away entirely, his body language showing that he was closing himself off to this side of the conversation. Frank was going to reach out with his soft words, to ask him if maybe he needed to talk, but they were interrupted by the door opening again, this time showing the principal.

“Dallon,” Frank said brightly, laughing when the taller man raised his eyebrows at him, sitting down across from the two men.

“Sorry, Mr Weekes. What has Cassie been up to now?”

“Well, she called Erin a bitch.” Dallon pursed his lips when Frank giggled. “Frank, please.”

“Right, yeah.” Frank glanced over to find Gerard sitting forward on his chair, fixated on the principal like he was scared. Why was he so nervous? “Sorry, she gets her language from me.”

“I'm well aware.” Dallon let himself smile then, but just a little. He was very fond of Frank, always had been. The other nan was heavily involved with the school whenever parents were needed and always showed up for his daughter. Plus, they had the same taste in music and usually ended up sitting together at fundraisers, letting everyone else do the talking while they shared music with each other. “I'm not sure what started it exactly Both of the girls seem foggy on that, or they're making out that they don't know, but Erin snapped back at the insult which ended up in Cassie pushing her.”

"What?” Frank's eyes widened. “Fuck, is she alright?”

“Yes, they're both fine. There was some hair pulling apparently, but nothing further. Mr Stump was nearby and he managed to pull it apart before it progressed.”

Frank continued with the questions since Gerard was just sitting there silently like he wasn't sure what to do with himself. “Do you know why Cassie pushed her? It's so out of character for her to get physical, I can't-”

“Well, I,” Dallon interrupted, cheeks flushing a little as he glanced over at the quieter of the two men before turning back to Frank. ”Apparently Erin made a comment on your, uh.. Sexuality.”

“What kind of comment?” Gerard's voice was soft.

“She.. She apparently made some kind of comments alluding to Frank's preferences being dirty or wrong, that's the most I could get from them.”

Frank slumped back in the chair, running a hand through his hair. He could really do with a shower. “Well, fuck.”

Gerard looked at him finally, eyes wide and sorrowful. “I'm really sorry, I don't know why she would.. That's so..”

"It's fine.” Frank brushed his apologies away with a genuine smile before turning back to the principal who was following all of this carefully. “So, what now?”

“I'll have to suspend them both for a week. It's policy, you know, since they both got physical.”

“Yeah, of course, I understand.”

But Gerard was shaking his head. “A week? Mr Weekes, I can't. I have work, my wife isn't at home at the minute. I don't.. I can't look after her during the day.”

“I'm sorry, Mr Way.” Dallon looked like he really meant it, hands clasped on his desk as he gave him a pitiful look. “But we can't have that kind of example in our school, it needs to be done.”

Frank stood up at the same time that Gerard looked down at his lap again. “Can I go see my daughter now?”

“Of course, they're outside. Thanks for coming in, both of you.”

The girls were sitting in plastic chairs on either side of the door, both silent and clearly filled with nerves, twitching legs and fidgeting hands giving them away.

“Dad!” Cassie jumped up when she saw him, lips pursing for a moment as if she was going to cry. “Dad, I'm so sorry. I didn't-” She was cut off by a hug, Frank holding her close against his chest as he kissed the top of her head. Cassie melted into him easily, not seeming to care about his sweat-stained shirt as she clutched around his waist for stability.

“It's alright, darling,” Frank said softly to her. “You were defending me, I know. But you never, ever turn to violence, okay?”

“I know,” she mumbled against him. “I'm really sorry, dad, I don't know what came over me.”

“I don't think I'm the one you need to be apologising to.” Frank took that time to glance over at the other sixteen-year-old.

Their relationship was clearly much different than his own. Erin had her arms crossed, body turned away from her father who was clearly trying to get her attention, his face pulled into an expression of anguish.

“Hey,” Frank said softly, getting their attention. “Hi Erin, doing okay?” Frank knew the girl well, he knew this hadn't happened because of nothing. Erin had been a good friend to his daughter for years and, once they had started fighting on and off recently, Frank had known something was up with the other girl since Cassie had no idea what was causing it. Erin had been over at his house plenty of times and he liked to think that she was fond of him. Hopefully, anyways. He always tried to be the cool dad that his daughter's friends liked.

“Mr Iero.” Erin ignored the fact that Frank had asked her multiple times to just use his first name. “I'm so sorry. I really am, I didn't mean anything I said. I promise I didn't, I think you're awesome and I would never..” She glanced back at her own father who was running a hand down his face in a stressed gesture. “I really didn't mean it.”

“It's okay, sweetheart.” Frank put his hand on his own daughter's shoulder as he smiled. “People say shit they don't mean all the time, I promise not to hold it against you. And, in case you're not aware, you're both teenage girls.” His smile widened when they both laughed quietly, still refusing to make eye contact with each other. “You've already got so much on your plates that it's normal to take it out on those closest to you. You guys have been best friends for years, I hope you won't hold this against each other.”

“I'm sorry,” Cassie blurted out, stepping a little closer to her friend. “I shouldn't have pushed you, that was way too far.”

Erin's shoulders that had just been hunched like her father's, now relaxed. “It was totally deserved, I'm so sorry for what I said.”

Frank was grinning by the time the two girls clutched onto each other in a desperate hug. He looked to Gerard in the hopes to see him smiling, just to find that same morbid look on his face. “Come on, let's get out of here.” He watched as the girls ran on ahead, now chattering excitedly to each other once again. “Gerard. Can I have a second?”

The other man looked resigned, nodding as they started to walk. “Yeah, sure.”

“I have a proposition for you.” Frank kept his hands behind his back so that he wouldn't touch Gerard's arm in the friendly way he did with most people. Something told him that Gerard would definitely not like that. “How about Erin comes to work with me for the week? You can drop her at mine on your way to work and pick her up on the way back.”

Gerard came to a complete halt outside of the school, his eyes comically wide as he took in the shorter man. “What?”

“Cassie's going to be doing it anyways, and the girls love the place. I'm happy to help, Gerard, really. Erin's been there plenty of times already and I promise she's safe with me.”

“But I..” Gerard looked completely dumbfounded. “You don't even know me.”

“And?” Frank laughed, seeing his daughter standing by their car with her friend, watching him curiously. “It's genuinely no bother for me at all. I'll give her breakfast, lunch and dinner. Whatever she needs.”

“But.. She insulted you.”

Frank frowned. “She's a teenager. That's sort of what they do.” It was strange to him that Gerard seemed to have no idea how to interact with his child but, then again, everyone had a different relationship and he wasn't going to judge.

“What exactly do you do for work?”

“Oh,” Frank laughed. “Yeah, that's kind of important I suppose. I run a dog rescue, we've got about sixteen there at the minute. I live on the same grounds to make sure I'm there if anything happens, but I have a few regular volunteers that help out too.”

“You set it up yourself?”

“I did.”

Gerard's eyebrows rose just a fraction. “That's really admirable.”

Frank's smile turned softer, relieved to see some form of trust in Gerard's eyes. He saw that exact look all the time when he told people what his job was. “Thank you. So, what do you say?”

“I really don't know, that seems like a lot of responsibility for you to have to deal with.” Gerard ran his hand through his hair, sighing softly as he looked over at their daughters. “I wish it was easier for me to take time off work.”

“How about you stay for dinner one of the evenings?” Frank tilted his head a little, surveying the other man's side profile. “You can call us even, then.”

“Dinner?”

“Mm. The four of us, to get to know you better. I just really like talking to people and you look like you could do with that.” Frank's eyes were gentle, his tone soft. “No pressure, though. But I do make a mean vegetarian lasagne, so you'd be missing out.” He decided to rid Gerard of any more space to try and figure out if it was rude to let this man take care of his daughter. “Let me give you my number. Just let me know when you're dropping Erin and picking her up. It really doesn't matter what time because she can just hang with Cassie if I haven't opened yet.”

Gerard held his phone out blindly, blinking slowly. “And your.. Partner won't mind?”

Frank glanced at the wedding ring on his own finger as he took the phone, putting his number in. That was a conversation for another day, and certainly not with a guy who was only now properly looking him in the eye. “I promise it's fine, Gerard.”

“I don't know how to make this up to you.”

“Dinner. I told you.” Frank grinned, handing back the phone. “But it's honestly not a bother, Gerard. I'm happy to do it.”

“Thank you.” Gerard smiled then. It was only small, but it was real. Frank couldn't help but return it.

Chapter Text

The first few days working with the teenagers was surprisingly fun. Frank loved hanging out with his daughter anyways, and Cassie shared the same fondness for animals that her dad held. Erin seemed thrilled to be there, always thanking Frank and offering any help she could give. The two girls spent most of the day playing with the dogs, brushing them, feeding them, or just sitting outside and giggling together in hushed voices.

Frank loved to see his daughter happy. That was all he wanted, more than his own happiness. He had never been a strict parent and never would be, knowing that the reason he was so close to Cassie was because he gave her the space and respect that she deserved. Sure, both girls had done wrong in their fight a few days previous, but they knew that and had apologised. That was all that mattered to Frank. Why not let them enjoy the week off and also put them to work at the same time?

Gerard, however, was an interesting character. He dropped Erin off at 8am every morning and would return at different times in the evening, always texting Frank to let him know that he was coming and always apologising that he couldn't get there sooner. They were only brief exchanges every time and Frank found himself dreading seeing that awful look in Gerard's eyes. The more he saw the man, the more he came to recognise it for what it was; he was depressed. He couldn't just assume, of course, but he had enough experience himself to make a solid guess. Gerard's eyes were hollow and lidded, dark bags always underneath them and his voice monotone and dull. It was in the way he held himself, the way he spoke and engaged with Frank. He was like a zombie.

“Erin and her dad don't really get along, do they?” Frank asked after Erin had been picked up for the third evening. He was left, as usual, with a sick feeling in his stomach. Frank knew that he had a savior complex, that he got too involved in other people's lives, but Gerard was practically screaming that he needed help; a friend.

“No, not really anymore.” Cassie shrugged as he brought the dirty dishes over to the sink. “He's never around. I think I only ever saw him maybe three times before the other day. He works a lot.”

“Yeah? What job?”

“A lawyer.” Cassie giggled when her dad scrunched up his nose. “I know; boring. But he works all the time, he's hardly ever home. They barely have a relationship anymore.” She paused, glancing over at where her dad was loading the dishwasher. “It's been different recently, though. The last month, I guess. Erin's been weird, you know? Always fighting with everyone and I found her crying in the bathroom once but she won't talk about it. And then her mom went away at the same time.”

“Yeah, I've been trying to put that together myself.”

“You want to help them, don't you?”

Frank smiled over at her. Cassie had always been very empathetic and in tune with how he was feeling. “I think they could both do with a friend right now. Luckily, one of them has the best person in the whole world for the job.”

“I hope you mean me.”

Frank tousled up Cassie's hair, making her groan and bat playfully at him. “Of course, darling. There's no one better to have as a friend.”

-

The following day, Frank was ready to try and talk to him. Properly, this time. He answered the door with a bright smile like always, this time stepping back instead of only inviting him inside. Gerard always declined, hopefully this time would be different.

“I'd like you to have coffee with me, please. Unless you have something to get to.”

Gerard stiffened, eyes darting around as he probably tried to find an excuse.

“Gerard.” Frank's voice was as soft as his eyes. “The girls have only just started brushing the dogs and they take forever to do it because they get distracted playing with them. Are you busy?” Gerard shook his head in defeat and Frank gestured inside. “Tea or coffee?”

“I.. Coffee, please.”

“Coming right up.” Frank got started while Gerard lingered in the hallway within his sight, looking at the pictures hanging there.

The older man stayed silent for a few minutes, slowly moving from frame to frame as his eyes ran over the numerous photos, one man showing up more than anyone else. “Is this your partner?”

Frank set the coffees down on the counter, his movements suddenly stiff. He always hated this part. “Yes.”

“What's his name?”

Frank needed to take a quick breath before saying it. “Anthony.”

Despite how clouded his own inner world might be, Gerard could clearly see the change in Frank's demeanour. He walked towards the counter, taking a seat and thanking him for the coffee. He found himself watching Frank all the while, noticing that the shorter man was now the one avoiding eye contact. “Are you okay?”

Frank looked up quickly, surprised that Gerard had noticed anything. “Yeah, uh..” He took a seat beside him, seeing the other man automatically close himself off. “I'd like to get to know you better, Gerard, to be your friend. And that means that I need to tell you something.” He sighed, trailing his finger around the rim of his mug. “Anthony died seven years ago, when Cassie was nine.”

“Jesus, Frank, I'm sorry.” Gerard seemed to relax more, even reaching out to gently touch Frank's arm before withdrawing. “I know it doesn't help to hear that, but I really am sorry.”

“Thank you.” Frank gave him a tight smile. He heard the same thing all the time and had decided that thanking them was the easiest thing to do. “It was so long ago, honestly.”

“That doesn't matter. The grief never goes away, you just learn to grow alongside it.” Gerard shrugged when Frank's eyebrows raised. “I lost my grandmother a few years back, we were close. It's not the same, but-”

“There's no competition with grief, not ever,” Frank assured him. “I'm sorry about your grandmother.”

“Thank you.” Gerard copied his tactic, even adding a small smile. “So you've worn your wedding ring all this time?”

“Yeah.” Frank splayed out his left hand, tracing over the gold band on his fourth finger. “I've dated since, only in more recent years, or I've had, uh.. Flings, you might say, but nothing’s ever been serious. I don't think anything could ever be serious enough to make me even consider taking off my ring, you know?”

Gerard nodded. “Of course. But you don't need to put pressure on yourself either. If you never want to take it off, there's nothing wrong with that. We all deal with these things differently, right? I think we all feel like we have to fit all these societal pressures, but we don't. If you never want to get married again, that's okay. If you never want to even date again, that's okay too.” His cheeks flushed when he met Frank's surprised gaze. “Sorry. Was he.. What was he like?”

Gerard had just said more words than Frank had expected him to say during the entire conversation. Somehow, him opening up about his husband had let Gerard sink into a more comfortable aura, no longer sitting as hunched as before. He even took a sip from his coffee, eyes darting over to meet Frank's once again.

“I..” Frank shook his head. “I appreciate you asking and generally I love to talk about Anthony, but I don't know how long we have before the girls are finished and I did invite you in to talk about you.”

“Oh.” Gerard looked down into his mug. “About what exactly?”

Frank went through the different starters he had in his head, trying to decide which was the best one to use to try and approach this. “Look, I don't know you. At all. But I know Erin and I know that she hasn't been herself lately. And then I met you and, well.. You seem like maybe you could do with someone to listen. I know I get too involved in other people's lives and you can absolutely tell me to fuck off at any point, but I'm always going to overstep and try to help rather than let someone struggle by themselves.”

Gerard looked right into his eyes. It was intense and lasted for longer than it probably should have, but the older man was clearly thinking his words through before he let them out. “Me and Lindsey are getting a divorce. Or, well.. We're splitting for now. A divorce takes time, years spent living apart, so we're separating.”

“I'm sorry.” Frank really meant it, his face melting into an expression of concern. “Do you have people to talk to? Friends in work, even?”

“No.” Gerard scratched at the back of his neck. “I keep to myself in work, I don't have time for friends.”

“So you've been dealing with this all alone?” Frank sighed when he nodded. “Okay. So talk to me.” He smiled reassuringly. “Or don't, if that's what you'd prefer. But I'm an open book and I really do like to listen, even if I can't always help. I promise that your secrets are safe with me, Gerard.”

“I..” Gerard shifted on the stool, rubbing the sweaty palms of his hands against his knees in a nervous gesture. “I..” His voice got caught up and he shook his head. “Fuck, I've never said it out loud.”

Frank watched all of this, starting to feel angsty himself at how much pain the other man was portraying. “You don't have to.” 

“I want to, I.. I need to.” Gerard let out a shaky gust of air that turned into a weak laugh. “I'm gay.” His breath rushed out all at once. “Fuck, that was hard to say.”

Frank didn't know if he was more surprised by the confession or the cursing. Although, cursing seemed weirdly natural on Gerard. “Okay.” He thought it over for a minute, sitting back as his arms folded over his chest. “You're gay? Wow, alright. A lot to unpack here.” He smiled to show him that this was absolutely a safe space, if that wasn't already clear enough. “So.. How did you and Lindsey come about?”

“You sure you want to hear this?” Gerard was now the most relaxed that Frank had ever seen him, leaning on his elbows on the counter, head propped onto his hands. It seemed that his confession, and the good reaction he received, had loosened him up some. “It's complicated. And I've never talked about it before so it could get a bit mixed up.”

“I would honestly really love to hear it if you're comfortable with sharing.” Frank could see the desperation in Gerard's eyes. Here was a man that had quite possibly been to hell and back and was clearly hoping that someone would finally listen to his story. Frank would always listen to anyone who needed him.

Gerard nodded, not trying to push it any further. “I grew up in a very religious family. I mean we went to church twice a week, prayed before every meal, prayed before going to bed. All the good stuff.” He laughed, but there was no humour in it. “When I was sixteen, I told my parents that I thought I was gay. It was totally innocent, I was always so sheltered that I really didn't think anything of it. And then, well.. I got sent to a conversion camp for six months.”

“Jesus,” Frank exclaimed. “Or, sorry, should I not..”

“It's okay,” Gerard laughed. “I'm not in any way religious, trust me. I never believed in any of it anyways, but it was knocked out of me pretty fast in that camp.” He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “By the time I finished there, having convinced myself that I was actually straight, my parents had already set me and Lindsey up. We got married as soon as we both turned eighteen and we tried for a baby for years. Lindsey had fertility issues and we hardly ever had sex considering the fact that I, uh.. Couldn't get it up. But, eventually, we had Erin. I spent years telling myself that I was going to leave her, that I could do it, and then she was pregnant and I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't leave my child. But.. I guess I did in a way, didn't I?”

Frank spoke as gently as he could. “You poured yourself into your work to cope.”

“Yeah.” Gerard shook his head. “I hate my job, but it was what my parents pushed me into. So I put my all into it, not wanting to face the life I hated at home.”

“You and Lindsey didn't get on?”

“No, never. At least, not really. She's very religious, you know?”

“Oh, I know,” Frank laughed. “It took her a long time to trust me enough to let Erin stay here. She doesn't like that I'm gay.”

“She said that to you?”

“Not in so many words.” Frank shrugged. “But I've come across enough homophobes to know by the way they speak to me.”

Gerard looked embarrassed, as if he was somehow responsible for the actions of his wife. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be, it's not your fault. And she doesn't seem to mind me too much anymore.” He turned the conversation back around again. “So you guys didn't get on. Did she know you were gay?”

“I think so. We obviously never talked about it, but I think she must have known.”

“What happened, then? That made you decide to separate?”

Gerard looked away, a blush taking over his pale neck. “I.. I cheated on her.” His words were shaky, hands curled tightly into fists on his lap. “I feel like a complete asshole. I never thought I would.. I was just so lonely. So I went online and I talked to some guys before meeting up with one. We only kissed before I freaked and went home and admitted everything to Lindsey. It ended in this huge fight and she stormed out and she's been at her sister's ever since. She wants to stay together because that's what God would want apparently, but I can't do it anymore.”

“And you shouldn't,” Frank said quickly. “Gerard, you've been stripped of your truth for years. Your whole life. Of course, cheating is wrong, but you shouldn't be so hard on yourself with the situation you were in. And now you've done the right thing, you've ended it. You're free to be your true self.”

“I don't know who my true self is.”

Frank grinned, reaching over to grasp Gerard's forearm, feeling it relax under his touch. “So, you learn! You get to find yourself now, Gerard. You get to figure out what you love, what you don't. You get to date men and have those experiences that have been taken from you. You get to be happy.” 

Gerard only stared at him. “You're so positive, Frank. It's.. I don't think I've ever met anyone as kind as you.”

Frank felt his heart lurch, knowing that he had really gotten through to him. And so he stood up, arms held out wide. “Come here.”

Gerard just stared blankly at him. “What?”

“I'm offering you a hug, Gerard. When was the last time you had one?”

“A long time ago.” The older man stood up uncertainly, looking between Frank's eyes. “I-” And then he was enveloped in the other man's strong arms. He practically melted into him, uncertain hands on the other's back as he exhaled shakily against his shoulder.

“It's okay.” Frank held him close, running his hand over Gerard's back. “It's okay, Gerard. It's going to get better, I promise. And I'm going to be here for you, okay?”

“Okay,” Gerard whispered, no longer trying to keep anything in. He had already given Frank so much, why shouldn't he be willing to give more?

They broke apart when the kitchen door flew open, the girls running in excitedly as they chattered about the dogs. Both of them paused in surprise when they caught the end of the hug, and watched as one of their dads grinned while the other hung his head awkwardly.

“Ready to go, Erin?” Gerard asked, not quite meeting her eyes.

“Uh.. Yeah, sure.”

Cassie nudged her dad as soon as the front door had closed behind the pair. “You made a breakthrough, huh?”

Frank beamed back at her, thrilled to know that he had made a difference in someone's life that day. It would need a lot more work and Gerard had a long way to go before he could start being truly happy, but Frank really believed he could get there. “Yeah, it's a start.”

Chapter Text

Gerard: Hey Frank. I know we've planned for us to have dinner together tomorrow evening, but I think that maybe it's for the best that we leave it. It's about me, not you, and I really appreciate the offer more than you know.

Frank: Can I ask why?

Gerard: It's embarrassing but I don't really know how to spend time with Erin. It's bad enough when we're alone, I don't want it to be awkward for you guys as well

Frank: How about you let me deal with the conversation starters?

Gerard: I really don't know. I don't want you to think less of me

Frank: I promise that's not something you need to worry about. You haven't had a chance to bond with her yet, you were so focused on trying to keep going

Gerard: It's been 16 years, Frank. I'm the asshole in this situation

Frank: So make it right. Come over tomorrow, I'd like to get to talk to you again. And I promise it'll be okay. Even if it's not, it will be because she'll see the effort you're putting in for her

Gerard: Okay, fine. Thank you

-

Frank let a very nervous Gerard into his home the next day, seeing those familiar tired eyes that he had grown accustomed to. He led him down the hall, letting him know that the girls were busy preparing the table. “Erin even cooked. Didn't you, Erin?”

She glanced up, smiling uncomfortably at her dad. “I made your favourite potatoes.”

Gerard's eyebrows rose. “You know what my favourite potato dish is?”

“Yeah, that one with the garlic. It's like all you know how to cook.”

Gerard smiled when his daughter laughed at him, taking a seat opposite her and her friend. “Dauphinoise, right. Thank you, that's.. It's not easy to make.”

“Well, Frank did most of it.” Erin shrugged, finally at peace with using his first name after a week of being scolded over making him feel old. 

“You did most of it,” Frank laughed, setting the potatoes out on the table before bringing over the plates laden with vegetarian lasagne and roasted carrots. “I just added the cream.”

Gerard glanced to the side with a smile. “Thank you, Frank. This was really kind of you to do.”

“My dad loves cooking,” Cassie laughed. “He was so excited to get to make food for both of us for a week.”

“Shut up,” Frank replied playfully. “I like cooking a totally normal amount.”

“If totally normal means inviting half the city around for Christmas? Sure.”

Frank scoffed with a roll of his eyes. “So how was work, Gerard? What do you get up to on an average day?”

“Oh, well.. It's a lot of meeting clients, sorting out what way they want to progress with their case, preparing for court, going to court.. And then there's paperwork and meetings and talking to judges.” He shrugged. “Today was mostly about some of my newer clients, I had to visit the prison to talk to them.”

“Do you go to prisons a lot?” Cassie's eyes were wide. “That's so cool.”

Gerard smiled at her. “I do, actually. A lot of my clients are already incarcerated and I'm trying to help them get out.”

“What kind..” Erin cleared her throat, trying to act nonchalant about her interest. “What kind of people did you see today?”

Gerard's demeanour visibly lifted that his daughter was showing interest in his work. “I probably shouldn't really be sharing it, but I guess you guys won't tell anyone. One guy was involved in a robbery, another in breaking and entering, and then there's this really sweet girl I'm trying to help, she's only just eighteen.”

“What did she do?”

“Uh..” Gerard glanced over at Frank who only shrugged, letting him know that it was his own judgement call. “Well, there was this guy that was.. Inappropriate with her. And she hurt him, in self defence.”

“He assaulted her?” Erin frowned. “But you're going to help her, right?”

“Yeah, honey. I'm going to try my best.”

“Good.” Erin smiled nervously. “There's too many girls getting hurt that have no one protecting them. I guess.. I never really thought about that side of your job, it's nice to know.”

The rest of the dinner went by as well as Frank could have hoped for. Even if Erin and Gerard felt stiff and uncomfortable with each other at times, they were still talking. And Frank filled in any gaps where the conversation faltered. Cassie had picked up that particular talent from him too and did a great job of continuing it, the two of them laughing and joking constantly. It felt good to be with them, to have a full table. Frank felt honoured to see another side of Gerard starting to show, and wondered if it was maybe the beginning of him finding himself.

“Thank you, Frank,” Gerard said as they stood by the door together, the girls talking outside. “Not just for the dinner, but for everything else. For taking care of Erin this week, for listening to my story, for helping me connect with her today. I really don't know how I can repay you but I promise I'll figure it out.”

Frank only smiled, putting his hand on the older man's shoulder. When they were this close, he could see the flicks of gold in his eyes, the lines at the side of his eyes showing that he had, in fact, smiled many times in his life. He wanted to discover more like this, to get to know this poor soul as well as he could. “You never need to repay me for anything, I was doing a friend a favour.”

“A friend?”

It hurt Frank's heart to see the uncertainty, the fear in the other man's eyes. “Yes, you idiot, you're my friend.” He squeezed his shoulder tighter as he said this before letting go. “Just because the week is up, I don't want to lose contact, okay? I'm here for you, Gerard. I know you're going through a lot right now so I'll keep my distance but please reach out to me when you need it. If it goes on too long, I'll get in touch with you anyways. Okay?”

“I.. Yeah, okay.”

“I'm serious, Gerard. Anything that you need. We can go out for a drink if you'd like, when you're feeling a bit better.”

“You mean that?”

Frank smiled. “I promise I do. I'll be expecting that call or text, alright?”

When they had left and Frank was alone with his daughter again, they cleaned up in a thoughtful silence before settling in the living room with an old comfort movie on. Frank was in a world of his own, pondering on the conversations and the way the dinner had gone.

Cassie watched him for a few minutes before turning back to the TV. “Gerard seems nice.”

“Yeah, he is.” Frank glanced over at her. “He's just going through a lot right now and needs a friend.”

“I know.”

“Yeah?” Frank paused for a moment, thinking about it. “What has Erin been saying?”

Cassie laughed, hands now clutching at the front of her armchair as she leaned forward. “I was wondering how long it would take you to ask.”

“You know it's important to me that you have your privacy, I didn't want to put you in an uncomfortable position.”

“It's not my privacy, dad. It's Erin's. But I always tell you everything because you give the best advice and you don't tell anyone else.” She shrugged. “I would have talked to you about it already but it was hard to know when you started talking to her dad, I wasn't sure if I should. Plus, she only started opening up to me this week.” 

“It's totally up to you, Cas. It's your best friend.”

“Well.. I know that he cheated on Erin's mom.. On Lindsey.” She frowned when her dad nodded. “You knew?”

“He told me, yeah. He was pretty broken up about it, too.”

“Lindsey said that he slept with a bunch of guys over the years and she only just found out because she walked in on him.’ Cassie looked nervous, seeing her dad's eyebrows rise dramatically. “Apparently he's gay and used her all this time, I don't know.”

“And that's why Erin doesn't like him, right.” Frank mulled this over. “You know, that's bullshit.”

“What is?”

“He didn't sleep with a bunch of guys. He kissed one guy one time and immediately went back and confessed.”

“Right.” Cassie frowned. “How do we know who to believe?”

Frank sighed, running his hand through his hair. “We don't, not really, but I think you're a good judge of character. What do you think of Lindsey?”

“Honestly? She scares me. She's got pictures of Jesus everywhere and she makes Erin go to church every week and pray every night. Which is fine, each to their own or whatever, but Erin doesn't believe in any of that and she still has to do it. Plus, she hates me talking about you and I know it's because you're gay. It's weird and I'd never go there if it wasn't Erin's house, you know? I had only met Gerard a couple of times before and he always said hello to me, always smiled. Lindsey could never do that. Gerard's always seemed really quiet and nervous.”

“So, what do you think?”

“I think that Lindsey's been feeding Erin lies to keep her on her side.”

Frank hummed in acknowledgement, nodding slightly. “I think that's the most likely scenario here. But we can't get too involved.”

“Sure, but doesn't Gerard deserve his daughter knowing the truth? Whatever it is?”

“Of course.” Frank sighed. “But it has to come from him, we can't do that for them or they can trace it back to us. And their relationship is already so unstable since Gerard worked so much and was always away from home.”

Cassie frowned, tucking her legs up onto the armchair to cross them. This was her signature pose when she was really getting into a conversation. “What? No. They've always been close before all of this started.”

“Really? Gerard seemed to think that they don't have a good relationship. He was worried that being away from home so much damaged it.”

“Dad, Erin loves him. She always has. Even if I never met the guy, she would always talk so fondly of him, which never happens with her mom. She understood that he had to work, and he would always come in and say goodnight to her. She's only started to hate him recently.”

“Jesus, those two really need to sit down with each other.”

“Right? You might want to tell Gerard that because Erin is currently pissed at him. She might not be very fond of her mom, but finding out that her dad had apparently been cheating on her for years has really changed the way she sees him.”

Frank nodded. His heart swelled with pride as it always did when he spoke to his daughter. Raising her alone for seven years had been one if the most difficult but rewarding things he had ever had to do. Cassie was the most resilient, most beautiful person in the world to him, both inside and out. He couldn't wait to see what an impact she had on the world in her future. “I'll talk to Gerard when I can, he has a lot of stuff to figure out right now.”

“Dad?”

“Mm?”

“Is he okay?”

“He will be, honey. He's had to hide who he was his whole life, it's going to be a long process to start to find himself and believe that it's okay to be himself.”

Cassie frowned, head tilting in the same way that Frank's always did. She had picked up Anthony's piercing gaze from a young age, but Frank's mannerisms took over the rest of her body language. “He didn't know he was gay?”

“It's complicated.” Frank didn't want to share too much of his new friend's background and knew that Cassie would respect that. “He grew up in a very religious family and was.. Don't say this back to Erin, but he was put into a conversion camp and pretty much met Lindsey right out of it.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“No wonder he looks so miserable.” Cassie rubbed at her lips, a new habit that she bad picked up when she stopped biting her nails. “Dad? You need to help him. No one deserves to go through what he's been through. And Erin deserves a parent she can trust.”

“Of course, sweetheart. I'm going to do my best.”

“There's no one better he could hope to have as a friend.”

Frank smiled, his heart feeling as though it was flipping over in his chest. He hoped more than anything that he could be what Gerard needed.

Chapter Text

It was almost a week after their dinner together when Frank heard from Gerard. He was outside with one of the oldest dogs in his care, bringing her for a slow stroll around the garden, when his phone started to ring. He answered, making sure to pat Jen on the head so she knew it was nothing to be worried about.

“Frank, hi. I.. I was wondering if, um..” Gerard sounded nervous, but there was nothing new there. “You said to get in touch if I.. I..” There was a brief pause. “I could do with a friend. And I'm sorry that it's you but I literally have no one else to call.”

Frank couldn't be happier that he had taken the initiative and reached out. Even if it was surprising that he had. “I'm here, Gerard. For anything you need, I promise.”

“I'm moving out, into my own apartment, and it's like half an hour away from the house and I have so much shit, even after cutting down, and I just-”

“You want me to help you move? Because I can do that, of course. Do you need me to come over now?”

“No, no, I was going to see if you were free over the next few days at some point. It doesn't matter when, I'm going to stay at the house tonight anyways since Lindsey is finally coming back and she wants to talk.”

“Yeah, that's understandable. But I'm free tomorrow, I can come over in the morning and we can load up both cars and make however many trips we need. Does that work for you?”

“Frank, I really can't tell you how much I appreciate this.”

Frank smiled to himself. “I'm happy to help, really. I'll see you tomorrow morning.”

-

Frank arrived at the Way household at the time they had agreed the evening before. He waited in the car for a moment, wondering if it was okay for him to knock or not. Lindsey was there now, it was going to be an uncomfortable situation behind that front door. Frank might not have liked Lindsey too much before, but he was sure that her true colours were far worse than the mask she put on in public. It was obvious in the way she looked at him, at anyone she deemed lesser than herself. It hurt to know that Gerard had been dealing with that for so long.. That Erin had to grow up with it.

He finally got out of the car and approached the front door, pressing the doorbell until he could hear it ringing on the inside. He had only just formed the thought that it was the same as his own, and then the door opened. “Hi Lindsey.”

She looked him over, brows furrowing. “Frank. I don't think Erin is supposed to be-”

“I'm here for Gerard. To help him with his stuff.”

Her perfectly-plucked eyebrows rose suddenly, her demeanour instantly shifting into one of anger. “Oh? And just how well do you know my husband, Frank?”

“We're friends.”

“Since when?”

He didn't like this line of questioning. “For a few weeks now. Is he around?”

“He's getting his stuff together.” Lindsey's hand dropped from the door so she could fold her arms over her chest. “Have you been fucking my husband?”

Frank sighed. It was about as much as he had expected. “No, Lindsey, I have not been fucking your husband.”

There was movement behind her and Gerard appeared, his eyes wide as he caught the end of the conversation. There were even darker patches under his eyes than usual, his hair tousled from how much he had been running his hands through it.

“I don't believe you.”

Frank smiled sweetly at her. “I don't really care if you believe me or not, I'm just here to help my friend.”

“So he finally makes a friend and it's the only other faggot in town?”

Gerard inhaled sharply, closer now. “Lindsey-”

“Shut the fuck up, Gerard.”

Frank took a step closer, no trace left of his fake smile. “Don't talk to him like that.”

“This isn't your business.”

“No? You just called me a faggot. I'm pretty sure it is my business.” Frank caught a flash of something moving and looked behind the pair to see Erin hiding in her doorway, watching everything from the comfort of her room. “Look, I want to keep this civil. Our daughters are friends so there's no need for any of this. Lindsey, I understand that this is difficult for you and you already didn't trust me before, but I'm helping whether you like it or not. This is your chance to start over, to find someone who loves you for you.”

“Marriages are sacred, they shouldn't-”

“Sometimes they break and that's okay.”

“You should know.”

Frank's heart dropped at the same time that Gerard stepped forward, grabbing firmly but gently at his wife's arm. “Jesus fucking Christ, Lindsey, that's not how you treat people.” Frank got the sense that this might be the first time Gerard ever stood up to her. “I've never slept with anyone except you and you know that. Frank is just trying to help, he was the only person I could ask.” He ran his hand through his hair for what must have been the hundredth time that morning. “Please just take Erin into the living room and let us do this in peace, I don't want there to be any more issues, it isn't fair on her.”

The floorboards creaked and all heads snapped over to where Erin was now walking towards the living room. “Come on, mom.”

Gerard waited for the door to shut behind them before turning to Frank with large, sorrowful eyes. “Frank, I'm so-” He stopped when Frank shook his head quickly, a finger to his own lips. 

He didn't think that Lindsey would take kindly to Gerard apologising for her behaviour and the last thing he wanted was to make her come back out. “I'm friends with the local vet, Ray, and he gave me a lend of his horse box. That should help, right?”

Gerard looked over his shoulder to where Frank's car was, eyes finally lighting up. “Shit, that's awesome. We should be able to fit everything into that.”

“Then let's get to it.” Frank knew there were unspoken words between them, hurt from what Lindsey had said, but they could speak about it afterwards. Instead, he put his hand on Gerard's forearm and squeezed lightly with a sincere smile. “Don't want to waste any time.”

They worked hard over the next half hour to bring everything to the horsebox, the more fragile items going in the backs of both cars. They were closing up the box together when Erin came outside, her head hung as she shuffled nervously towards them. 

“Dad?”

Gerard went straight to her, seeing the many tears already on her cheeks. “Yeah, honey? Are you alright?”

“This is just really hard.” She sniffled. “I'm going to miss you.”

“I'm going to miss you too, Erin. More than you know. I'm sorry we couldn't make it work.”

Erin shook her head, looking up through glossy eyes. “You shouldn't have to make it work. I'm sorry you've been so unhappy for so long.” And then she was hugging him, arms tight around his middle. Gerard froze in shock for only a second before he was holding her tightly to him.

“You're going to stay with me on Friday, right? You know I only moved to that apartment to be closer to your school, so you can come over whenever you want.”

“I'll be there Friday. I love you.”

Gerard glanced over at Frank in shock, the other man only watching with a trace of a smile. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

They set off soon after, only pulling in once to a café near the apartment where Frank insisted on going in to get the takeaway coffees. Gerard had informed him that he needed to buy a coffee machine, and Frank was set on them needing coffee to complete the move.

The apartment was a nice size; not too small and not too big. It was perfect for one man and had a spare room for Erin whenever she stayed. It was part of a set of three new apartments and they bumped some of the other new occupiers that were also moving in, all of them given the same day to start. Which meant that they had to explain to two different sets of couples that they were not also a couple; just friends. Gerard's cheeks darkened each time, seemingly surprised that anyone would assume such a thing. Frank wasn't surprised in the slightest, but he hadn't grown up around religious assholes. Was that too harsh? Probably not harsh enough, they did put that poor sweet man into a conversion camp after all.

“I owe you so much,” Gerard said once they were finally sitting on the floor of his living room, drinking the last of their now-warm coffees. Frank had brought baked goods too- cookies and brownies- which Gerard had been beyond grateful for and very obviously close to tears, even if he tried to disguise it. “I've never met anyone as willing to help others as you.”

“A lot of people would do this, Gee.” The nickname had started earlier without him realising he was doing it and, upon realising that it also made Gerard emotional out of sheer happiness, it had continued. “You just haven't been around the right ones.” He was uncomfortable sitting against the wall and so opted for grabbing one of the cushions from the pile, placing it on the floor and lying down. Gerard had a few important things to buy, a sofa included. “And you owe me nothing. This is what friends do.”

Gerard took a cushion of his own, lying down beside him on his back, hands resting comfortably on his stomach. “You really want to be my friend?”

“Why wouldn't I?”

“There's literally nothing interesting about me, in any way.”

“Everyone's interesting in their own way, I think. And I don't really know enough about you yet, I bet there's loads of interesting things in there just waiting to spill out.” Frank turned his head, admiring the other man's side profile. Gerard's lips turned up into a smile, feeling his gaze. “When was the last time you had a friend?”

Gerard stiffened visibly, before seeming to realise that he was in safe company and relaxed again. “My brother. He, uh.. I haven't seen him since I got sent to the camp. He ran away at the same time.”

“Were you close?”

“So close, always. He knew I was gay, told me that we should run away together to get away from them. But I just couldn't do it and I guess he knew that, deep down. So when I agreed to go to the camp, he left. And my family never talked about him again.” Gerard sighed. “I keep an eye on him on social media, but I don't have any accounts of my own because Lindsey was so against it. I just made fake ones to watch him, make sure he was okay. He's married now, he's got two little girls.”

“Gee..” Frank's voice was soft. “What's stopping you talking to him now?”

“I'm scared.” Gerard's voice shook. “Scared that he'll think I abandoned him.. That he won't want to see me. I'm his big brother, I should have protected him.” He flinched when Frank's hand snuck up to tangle their fingers together. The gesture was so sweet that he felt tears slip from his eyes without warning. “I'm sorry. I'm always unloading on you, it's not fair.”

“It's completely fair. You're going through a very difficult time right now and I'll listen to you as much as you need it.” Frank knew his reassurance was important. “Do you think you're going to try and talk to.. What's his name?”

“Mikey. And.. I don't know. Some day, I hope. I just can't cope with any more rejection right now.”

“I understand.” Frank squeezed his hand softly, surprised by how tightly Gerard was holding him. It wasn't until that moment that he really understood how neglected this man had been. He was probably starved of touch, of feeling wanted by someone. He didn't have friends, only a wife who seemed to hate him. He hadn't been shown kindness by anyone in a long time, except for his daughter and even that was so uncertain to him. “Can I tell you something, as a friend? It might be a bit invasive.”

Gerard turned to face him, eyes glossy with unshed tears. “Of course.”

“You need to talk to Erin. Your relationship is very different from her side than what you've been thinking it is, and you need to talk to her. She loves you, Gerard. Much more than you seem to realise.”

Gerard's eyes shined with hope. “She does?”

“She does. And I think that maybe you need to talk to her about all of this, as much as you're comfortable with. Otherwise, she's only getting it from Lindsey's side and it's.. Well, it's not entirely truthful. I'd hate to see your relationship hurt when it doesn't need to.”

“I really thought that I had failed her.”

“You didn't fail her, I promise. You just need to let her in, to talk to her. She needs to feel like you trust her, that you see her as an equal. I get the feeling that she isn't feeling that from her mom either, and she needs at least one parent through this divorce that isn't talking shit about the other. It can really mess a kid up.”

“Your parents divorced?”

Frank let go of his hand to run it through his own hair, smiling at the fact that Gerard had been able to read him that easily. “Yeah, when I was fifteen. I still talk to my mom, but my dad left the picture a long time ago.”

“I'm sorry, parents can suck.”

Frank laughed. “Absolutely. But my mom is great, we're close. I think you'd love her, she comes by a lot so you might meet her eventually.”

Gerard smiled, and it was so warm and bright that it made Frank's heart stutter in his chest. “If she's anything like you, I'm sure she's wonderful.”

“Hey, I.. What are you doing on Halloween?”

Gerard frowned. “That's like five weeks away.”

“Yes, and?”

The older man laughed a little, shrugging. “Nothing, I guess. I don't really do anything on Halloween ever.”

“Well, how would you feel about coming to a party at mine? I'd like for you to meet my friends.” Frank saw the instant fear in the other man's eyes and took his hand again. “It's totally up to you and I don't need an answer now. It's my birthday and we do it every year. There'll be drink and food and we all dress up and watch shitty horror movies. Cassie always hangs with us too until she gets sick of us, so Erin is welcome to come if you have her that night. I can tell you about all the friends that will be there in advance.”

“Yeah, I.. I'll think about it, but it sounds really nice. You were seriously born on Halloween?”

Frank grinned, clenching his hands into fists and holding them out so that Gerard could see the word ‘HALLOWEEN’ tattooed on his knuckles.

Gerard giggled, a high sound that was almost girly and made Frank's smile grow. “Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.” His eyebrows frowned slightly before they smoothed out again. “Can we go out for a drink before then? You mentioned it before. I'd like to repay you somehow, at least I could buy you a drink.”

Frank sighed dramatically, ending with a grin to let Gerard know he was only being playful. “This Saturday? I can swing by when Erin leaves, I know a nice bar near here.”

“Yeah, that sounds perfect.”

Chapter Text

“You did not tell me that ‘nice’ bar meant a gay bar.”

Frank grimaced as they sat at the busy bar. “Shit, I probably should have asked in advance. Is this too much? Too weird?”

Gerard shook his head as he looked around, taking the place in. “No, I think this is probably just what I needed right now.” He smiled at his new-found friend. “Yet again, you know me better than I know myself.”

“I thought it might be nice for you to hang out somewhere where everyone is the same, you know? You've felt like an outcast for so long, I want to show you that you're not.” Frank squeezed his arm softly before letting him order their drinks. He watched him as he did it, already noticing the change in Gerard's presence. The older man was much more comfortable in his own skin now than he had been only weeks ago. He was even wearing a leather jacket, his hair now long enough that it continously fell into his eyes until he brushed it back. His eyes had more light in them. “How was it last night with Erin?”

“Oh my god, Frank. It was fucking incredible, I've never felt more connected to her.”

Frank grinned, gripping the other man's arm. “That's incredible, Gee. I'm so happy for you.”

Gerard took their drinks from the bartender, thanking him as he handed over the money, all the while very clearly missing the way that the guy was looking at him, batting his eyelashes seductively. Frank found it endearing how oblivious he was to all the attention he was getting, instead turning to Frank and talking animatedly, hands gesturing wildly in the air as he did. “It was incredible! We stayed up until two in the morning, talking about my past and my marriage and my plans for the future. I wasn't going to tell her all of it, but you were right. Once I treated her as my equal, she completely opened up to me. After talking about me and the divorce, she told me all about what's going on in her life and the boys she likes and just.. Frank, I didn't even think she liked me.”

Frank chuckled to himself. He knew that feeling all too well. “That's teenagers for you.”

And so they talked about their daughters, about their hopes and aspirations for them. Gerard mentioned that Erin wanted to split the week with both of her parents and he was beyind ecstatic about that. It was now obvious why he seemed so much lighter, so much more at peace with himself; he had his daughter's blessing.

“So,” Frank said suddenly when they were both two drinks in. “Which guy in here is your type?”

Gerard scrunched up his nose as he looked around, placing his drink back on the counter. “Hm.. Let me have a think about it.” His eyes lit up suddenly when he found his target. “That guy over there.” He nodded in the direction. “The one sitting alone in the corner.”

Frank snorted when he found him. “Right, the one that looks the most like me. I'm flattered.”

Gerard giggled, rolling his eyes before setting them on Frank again. “I just really like tattoos, always have.”

Frank patted the other man's knee, squeezed it softly, then let go. “He's one of the many guys who have been giving you heart eyes since we got here.”

“Yeah fucking right.” 

“Dude, you are so oblivious, it's ridiculous.”

“Why would they be looking at me?”

“Have you seen yourself? Gee, you're fucking hot.”

Gerard stared at him, eyes wide. “You.. You think I'm hot?”

“You don't?” Frank frowned, realising now that Gerard had no idea how attractive he was. It hurt to know that he thought so little of himself. “Gee.. When you decide to start dating again, you're gonna have guys falling at your feet for even a chance.”

“You don't.. You really think so?”

Frank's hand was on his knee again, rubbing soothingly. He did it without even realising. “I know so, trust me.”

Gerard's soft hand came down to rest on the tattooed one. His thumb ran absentmindedly over his knuckles. “Frank, I-”

They were interrupted by the guy that they had just been talking about, who presumably had caught Gerard looking at him. After ensuring that they weren't a couple, he asked Gerard if he'd like a drink. Frank nodded behind the stranger's back, telling him to take the chance. So he did. Frank kept an eye on them from the bar, watching for any sign that Gerard might not be comfortable. But he seemed to be okay, laughing and chatting with the guy like he did this all the time. He was radiant, lighting up the room when he smiled, his-

“Hi, this seat taken? I just want to grab a drink, don't worry.”

Frank was taken out of his thoughts by the man standing at his side, gesturing at the stool beside him. “Uh, no. No, my friend was there but he's talking to a guy at the minute.”

“I thought he was your husband,” the newcomer said with a laugh, gesturing at the ring on Frank's finger. 

“No, just a friend.” Frank smiled at him before turning back to watch Gerard again. “Everyone seems to think we're dating though.”

“It might be because of how touchy you two are. You sure your husband doesn't mind?”

Frank's smile tightened. “Yes, I'm sure.”

“So he wouldn't mind you getting with someone else then?”

Frank flinched back in disgust when the guy put his hand on his leg. He pushed it away, making no attempt to be nice about it. “I thought you were just getting a drink.”

“I don't drink.” He was still fucking smirking at him. There was nothing worse than a guy who didn't know when to quit.

Luckily, they were interrupted by the man that Frank had become incredibly fond of already. “You're in my seat.” And so Gerard managed to rid of the stranger and take his seat, face pulled up into an expression of disgust. “You looked like you needed help.”

Frank laughed awkwardly. “I'm fine, honestly. You should go back to your guy.”

“He was boring.” Gerard shrugged. “Want to get out of here? I think I've had enough of tonight.”

“Yeah, I'll walk you home.” Once they were outside the bar, Frank glanced over to see that Gerard was clearly in his own head, brows furrowed. “How was it? Talking to a guy like that?”

“It was..” Gerard shrugged, then sighed. “I'm fucking terrified, Frank. To let anyone touch me.. To touch them. That guy that I kissed months ago was just pure desperation and I left after only a minute with him. I've been so.. So touch deprived for so long that I don't know how to cope with it when I do get it.”

“It'll come in time, there's no need to rush it,” Frank assured him as they walked the short distance to his apartment. “But I understand that you're nervous, you're out of practice. It must be really daunting.”

“I can't even begin to think about sex.” Gerard's cheeks flushed. He wouldn't be talking about this if it wasn't for the alcohol flowing through him. “That's genuinely terrifying. I'm scared to kiss anyone, let alone.. That.”

Frank giggled as Gerard stopped to unlock the front door, letting them into the hallway with three more doors, leading to the apartments. “I can kiss you.”

“You can.. What?” Gerard's eyes were wide as he let the door fall shut, the sound echoing off the bare walls. They stood there together in silence for a moment, both observing the other.

“If it doesn't weird you out, I can kiss you when you feel ready for it. It might help to get it out of the way with someone you trust first.”

“You'd really do that for me?” Gerard took a slight step forward. “You wouldn't.. Be different with me after?”

“God, no. I can separate those kinds of things. You're my friend, Gee, as much as I have to remind you.” Frank grinned. “And you're really fucking hot, whether you believe it or not. So yeah, I'd do that for you. Whatever helps.”

Gerard froze, eyes flickering madly between Frank's. When he spoke, his voice was so soft that it would be impossible to hear if they weren't already in complete silence. “What about now?”

Frank's heart fluttered but he ignored it. “You want me to kiss you now?”

“If.. If you were serious.”

“Yeah, I was serious.” Frank slowly closed the space between them, keeping an eye on his friend's expression as he wrapped one arm around his waist, the other gently cradling his face. Gerard's breath hitched and his eyes got larger as he gazed at him with an unreadable expression. “Still okay?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, hands limp by his sides.

“Okay,” Frank replied in the same tone, smiling sweetly at him before stepping in and lightly pressing his lips against Gerard's.

The other man responded after a few brief seconds, his lips warm and inviting. When Frank moved back, his head tilted forward as if following him.

“Still okay, Gee?”

Gerard nodded quickly, his eyes still closed. “Yeah.”

“Then come here.” Frank guided Gerard's hands to move up, slinging over his neck as he slowly pushed him until his back hit the wall. He smiled when the other man gasped, breaths falling out quickly. “You're so beautiful.”

Gerard made a soft noise, only managing to slightly shake his head before his friend's lips were on his own again. Frank wasn't as soft this time, but still made sure to be careful with every movement he made. He kissed him like he meant it; slow and firm, thumb rubbing over Gerard's cheek while his other hand squeezed gently at his hip. Gerard responded by tightening his grip on the shorter man's shoulders, until he felt brave enough to move one hand down to rest on Frank's chest. It was firm and he could feel the muscles there when Frank shifted to run his fingers through his hair. 

When Frank stopped, Gerard felt like he couldn't catch his breath. He panted softly, eyes fluttering open. “Frank..”

“You're a good kisser, Gee.” Frank's voice was as soft as the glint in his eyes. “You have nothing to worry about.”

“Thank you. For.. For doing that for me, I mean.” They were still holding each other. Gerard glanced down at where his hand was pressed against his friend's chest. “You went way past normal friend duties with that.”

“I don't know what you're talking about, I kiss all my friends.” Frank laughed when Gerard's head shot up. “I’m joking, Gee. I've never been in a situation where a friend needed this before, I'm happy to help.”

Gerard trailed his finger down Frank's chest absentmindedly, not missing the way he shuddered. “You really think I'm hot? You're not just saying that to be nice?”

Frank chuckled deep in his chest, brushing Gerard's hair back from his face to smile at him. “I want to say that I'd kiss my friends even if they weren't hot, but I can't deny that I'm much more inclined to help you because you are.”

Gerard smiled, a blush high in his cheeks when Frank stepped back from him finally, leaving him cold where he once was. “You're sweet, Frankie. I really appreciate you. I know you probably need to get back to Cassie now, but thank you for tonight.. I really needed it.”

“Of course, any time.” Frank lingered, both of them still observing the other with interest, waiting to see if a kiss would change things. “Gee? You're incredible. I hope that one day you'll see that, and I promise I'm going to do everything I can to show you how important you are, that you're perfect as you are. You-” He groaned in shock when Gerard threw himself at him, holding him tight.

“I'm so glad you came into my life,” Gerard mumbled against his shoulder. “I promise I'm going to be the best friend I can to you.”

Frank smiled, pressing a kiss against the side of Gerard's head. “I know, Gee. I know.”

Chapter Text

Frank: When's your next day off and do you want to spend it with me?

Gerard: Thursday, and yes of course

Frank: Great! How do you feel about a road trip?

Gerard: To where?

Frank: It's a surprise. I'll pick you up at 10, it's about an hour each way

Gerard: Sounds like a short road trip

Frank: It'll be worth it, I promise 

Gerard: Okay, I'm in

-

Frank's fingertips drummed against the steering wheel as they drove. He had diverted every one of Gerard's questions so far, but it was getting to the point that he would have to tell him soon. Gerard had given up a while back and was now humming along to the music Frank had chosen, face angled towards the window to catch the breeze floating in.

He pulled into a petrol station, driving into a parking spot and turning to his friend with a bashful smile. “You might hate me for this. I just want to say, before I tell you, that it’s okay if you’re angry with me; I understand. And if you want to turn around, that’s completely fine too.”

Gerard shifted in his seat. “You’re making me nervous, Frankie.”

“I’ve been talking to your brother.”

Gerard paled instantly, to such an extent that Frank considered pulling a sick bag out from the front compartment of the car. “You.. You what?”

“I know it isn’t my place, I know I overstepped and you might hate me for it. And maybe you’re wondering why I didn’t discuss this with you before going, but I know you and I knew that you would get in your own head about it and refuse to go. Right now, we are five minutes away from his house. He’s there with his wife and children and they all want to meet you. I've told him that I was only planning on telling you last minute so you might not want to, and he understands. He said he’s ready whenever you are.”

“What.. Is he okay? Does he want to see me?”

Frank decided the atmosphere was relaxed enough around them that he could reach over and take Gerard’s hand into his own. He was pleased to feel the other man’s fingers tightening around his, clutching almost desperately. “He really wants to see you. I didn’t tell him much, just that I’m your friend and I knew that you wanted to reach out but you weren’t sure if he would want to meet up. I told him that I was doing it without you knowing, just in case he didn’t want to. And he was ecstatic. Gee. He asked immediately when he could see you, if you could meet his kids. There’s no pressure and he won’t be going anywhere if you don’t feel up to it today.” He watched the other man for a moment, knowing that there was so much going on behind that blank expression. “Gee.” Frank reached up to softly touch Gerard’s cheek, pulling him out of his head. “I’m sorry I went behind your back, but I know how important this is to you and you wouldn’t..”

“I wouldn’t have done it myself,” Gerard whispered.

“Right. But he loves you. So much. And he’s family. You have someone out there who loves you unconditionally. A sister in law that you never met. Nieces! Even if it’s not right now, I think that this is going to be a huge help to you finding yourself again.”

“I.. Okay. Yeah.” Gerard had a bit of colour back now. “If.. Will you come with me?”

“Whatever you want, Gee. I was planning on getting food while you were there to give you guys some space, but I can come in at first and see how it goes, see if you want me to hang around or not.” He squeezed his hand. “I really hope you don’t hate me.”

Gerard looked taken aback, finally focusing on something else as he ran his thumb over Frank’s knuckles. “Hate you? I could never hate you. No one’s ever done anything like this for me. Is he.. Is he waiting for you to text him? Could you tell him that we’re coming?”

“Absolutely.”

They arrived at Mikey’s house soon after, just to find that the younger brother was already outside the house, pacing nervously. Frank hadn’t even turned the car off when the passenger side door was being flung open and a sobbing man was half inside, clutching onto Gerard. Gerard immediately started to cry, both of them babbling incoherent things that made Frank decide to step out of the car, giving them their privacy.

“You must be Frank.” A woman that Frank recognised from Mikey’s photos was now smiling at him, holding out her hand.

“Kristin. It’s lovely to meet you.” He shook her hand, grunting in surprise when he was pulled in for a sudden hug.

“Thank you for this,” she said softly. “You have no idea how much Mikey needed it. He’s been searching for his brother for years.”

“Family is important.” Frank looked over at the car to find the brothers now standing beside it, arms still wrapped around each other. “When I found out Gee had a brother, I had to do it. He needs people around him right now.”

Mikey came to introduce himself officially a few minutes later, Gerard trailing along behind him. Both were wiping at their eyes, still sniffling. Mikey bore a striking resemblance to his older brother, although his features were sharper in contrast. When he smiled, his eyes lit up in the same way. “Sorry about that. Hi, Frank. It’s nice to meet you in person, will you come in?”

Gerard automatically gravitated towards Frank’s side, sighing in content when there was a firm hand on his lower back, rubbing comfortingly. “Yeah, he’s unfortunately stuck with me.”

“Ready to meet your nieces?” Mikey asked, eyes alight with excitement as he took his brother’s arm and practically dragged him into the house, introducing him to his two young daughters, Leah and Nora. 

Kristin made coffee and Frank helped while the two brothers sat on the floor with the kids, letting Gerard introduce himself. It was sweet and it made Frank’s heart ache with happiness. He was watching them with a vague smile when Kristin nudged him in the side.

“Are you guys dating?”

“What? No.” Frank laughed nervously. “No, just friends.”

Kristin made a face that had Frank’s stomach churning. “Interesting, okay. You guys really look like you’re dating.”

“We get that a lot.”

“I wonder why.” Kristin flashed him that gorgeous smile again before setting the coffees out on the table, along with hot chocolate for the little ones. Frank put out the plates of biscuits as instructed, taking a seat and smiling when Gerard was beside him, holding his hand under the table.

“There’s so much to catch up on,” Mikey said as he sat opposite his brother, eyes darting across his face. “It’s been almost thirty years, man. What have you been doing? Are you guys together?”

Kristin giggled when Frank’s cheeks flushed. “No, they’re not. I already asked.”

“Really? You really seem like you are.”

Gerard’s hand faltered in Frank’s grip, so he held on tighter, letting him know it was okay before speaking. “Just really good friends, we only met recently enough.”

“Okay.” Mikey didn’t seem convinced. “So, what else? Tell me everything.”

Gerard shifted in his seat, glancing over at Frank. “I have a daughter.”

“You have a daughter? Oh my god, tell me about her.”

“Her name is Erin, she’s sixteen. I’d really like for you to meet her sometime, I know she’d be really happy to meet you.’

“Yeah, that’d be awesome, Gee.” Mikey grinned. “I can’t believe we both have kids, wow. Did you have her alone or..”

Gerard cleared his throat. “No, I.. Remember Lindsey Ballato?”

Mikey scoffed out a laugh. “Yeah, she was a psycho b-” His face dropped. “No way.”

“Yeah, mom and dad set me up with her when I, uh..”

Frank noticed how often Gerard kept looking over at his nieces as though he was afraid to say the wrong thing in front of them. “Hey, sorry to butt in, could I maybe bring the girls to the living room? Do they have a favourite TV show to put on?”

“Yes!” Nora squealed, already bored of sitting at the table with the adults. “Let’s watch Bluey.”

“Can I colour in your tattoos?” Leah asked. “I have markers.”

Frank laughed. “You absolutely can, if your parents say it’s okay.” He glanced over at them. “We’ll leave the door open, I promise I’m really good with kids.”

Kristin smiled warmly at him. “Of course, just make sure you don’t end up with permanent marker all over your arms.”

“Lucky for me, my only clients are dogs so no one will care if it takes a while to wash off. Come on, girls. I hope you know how to use the TV.” And so Frank brought them out, both of them now very excited with the knowledge that he worked with dogs. 

He spent the next long while watching Bluey with them, Kristin occasionally checking in to make sure that he wasn’t fed up of them yet, no matter how much he assured her that they were having fun, that he missed his own daughter being that age. His hands and arms did end up covered in marker lines, but he thought it looked like a work of art, and he made sure to keep telling the two girls who giggled excitedly at their creation.

“Wow.” Gerard stood in the doorway, looking down at his friend and nieces who were now sitting on the floor together, Leah painting Frank’s nails while Nora braided his hair. “You girls are making him look so pretty.”

“He was already pretty,” Nora protested. 

“You’re right, he was.” Gerard’s amused gaze caught Frank’s and they both lingered there for a moment. “Ready to go? Mikey’s gonna visit me next week to give me a chance to fill Erin in on everything before she meets him. And then I’ll bring her here to meet the girls.”

Frank said his goodbyes, letting Gerard take longer with his nieces as he promised to return with gifts next time, which they demanded, and gave them both soft kisses on their foreheads. It was sweet to watch him with them, Frank knew he had made the right decision to go behind his back, even if he would always feel a little bit of guilt about it.

“Thank you, Frankie,” Gerard said as soon as they were in the car. “Seriously, I don’t know what to even say to you anymore, you’re like a fucking angel.”

Frank laughed, reaching over to put his hand on the other man’s thigh, squeezing it, and taking his hand back to rest it on the gearstick again. He never thought anything of these brief touches; he had always been touchy with his friends. Although, sure, not like he was with Gerard. But the other man needed physical touch, reassurance, to know that he was wanted and needed. Frank could give him that. “I think you’re more like the angel, Gee. You have the face for it.”

“I never know what to say when you say shit like that to me.”

“I’m sorry, do you want me to stop?”

“No, I.. I’ve never been complimented in the way that you do it, it makes me feel better about myself. Which is a pretty big achievement, honestly.”

“I’m very glad to do my part.” Frank kept his eyes on the road, fingers drumming on the wheel once again. “I’ve never searched for meaning in my life. I didn’t think I needed it, not with Cassie and all the dogs I save. But meeting you has brought more meaning, something I didn’t know I was missing. I’m really glad to have you in my life, Gee. You mean so much to me already.”

It was Gerard’s turn to initiate the contact this time, his hand over Frank’s on the gearstick. “You mean a lot to me too. Probably more than you know.”

Chapter Text

Frank and Cassie spent hours preparing on the day of his birthday. It was something that they both loved to do together, something that they looked forward to all year long. The Halloween decorations had been up since the 1st of October, but there was still so much to do. They spent the day baking and decorating cookies and buns, setting up apples on strings while coating others in caramel, setting up other games like mummy wrap and pumpkin bowling. And then they changed into their outfits, Cassie going for a typical witch while Frank opted for a full skeleton outfit that was baggy unlike the many morph suits he had to sift through in the store to find it. Cassie even sat him down and painted his face to look like a skeleton, letting him add a wart on her nose to ‘complete’ the look. Halloween had always been a special day for them, something that they had cherished with Anthony. And they had never let that excitement fade.

Frank had gone into extensive detail about the party with Gerard the week before, telling him about his friends, about just how serious they were when it came to dressing up. He was looking forward to seeing Gerard more than anyone, to see what he had chosen to dress up as. However, he was the last to arrive.

Ray was dressed as a mummy, Geoff in a giant teddy bear costume, and Tucker as a vampire. All three of them asked on arrival if Gerard was there, each one desperate to meet the man that Frank was spending most of his time with.

Because he was spending a lot of time with him. They met any time that Gerard had free days from work, at the house or the apartment, sometimes with the girls and sometimes without. It was a beautiful and blossoming friendship and Frank felt so grateful every day to know him.

And here he was. When the doorbell rang, he had to fight Cassie to get there first, both of them giggling and arguing over who had actually touched the door first. But then he saw him and his heart definitely did something inside his chest that he couldn't think about.

Gerard was dressed as a priest. A fucking priest. His hair was slicked back, making it look dark enough to match the black shirt he was wearing with the white collar. And, oh yeah, there was fake blood dripping from his eyes.

“Jesus,” Frank said softly, barely registering Erin sliding in past him to hug Cassie. 

“Don’t take the lord’s name in vain, or whatever,” Gerard laughed nervously. “I thought it was kind of funny, considering my past and all. Is it okay?”

“Yeah, it’s okay. You look.. You look really good, Gerard.”

“Yeah?” There was a devilish grin on his lips. “You look cute, I like the makeup.”

“Yeah, uh.. Cassie wanted to do it.” Why couldn’t he think properly? His words were getting jumbled in his head the longer he looked at Gerard. “I, um-”

“Is that him?” Tucker called from the kitchen where he was pouring himself a drink. “Let him in, would you? We’re all dying to meet this guy.”

Frank took the older man's hand and pulled him in through the front door, shutting it behind him. “Gee, this is Tucker, Ray and-” He was cut off by a giant teddy bear pushing him away from Gerard so that he could hug him. “And that's Geoff.”

“So lovely to meet you, Gerard.” Geoff held him at arm's length. “You're so cute, oh my god. I can see why Frank loves you.”

“I'm not sure you're supposed to call grown men ‘cute’,” Ray laughed, shaking the newcomer's hand.

Gerard only smiled, not admitting that it was a compliment he was fond of. But Frank already knew that. “You're the one that lent Frankie the horsebox, right? The veterinarian? I appreciate it, thank you.”

Ray's eyes softened with understanding. “Of course, any time.”

“I'm Tucker, hi.” Tucker held out his hand. “I've known Frank the longest, we used to play gigs together back in the day.”

“He was telling me.” Gerard nodded with a smile, standing close by Frank's side like usual. “I didn't even know he played an instrument until last week.”

“Dude, what? You've got to come to one of our open mic nights, you're missing out. Did he tell you that he sings too?”

Gerard turned slowly to glare at the man of the hour who was looking at his feet. “No, he did not.”

“Just means you'll have to swing by,” Geoff declared. “I host them once a month, it's good fun. All of us are musicians in some way, you're going to have to come to them if you're going to be hanging around with us.”

Gerard was thrilled that they were talking as though he was sticking around. “I'd really love that.” He turned to Frank, nudging his arm to get his attention. “I have a present for you.”

Frank shook his head, stepping back. “I very explicitly said no presents. No one is allowed to get me presents.”

“Well, you kind of have to take it. I spent three weeks making it.”

Frank paused, reaching through the little box of ‘Gerard’ memories in his head to see if he could recall him making things. “You what?”

“Here..” Gerard picked up the bag he had dropped by the door without Frank realising, taking something from it before handing it over to the dumbfounded shorter man.

It was a square canvas, about eight inches each way, and depicted on it was.. “Holy shit.” He glanced up at Gerard's nervous face before looking at it again. It was a painting of two zombie hands, one with chunks of flesh missing and the other completely cut off with a bone sticking out of the end. It bordered in the middle of both realism and cartoonish, more of a comic-style than anything. The background was a hyper-realistic dirt road, but the hands really were the centerpiece. They were tinged with green, browns and purples spreading throughout. But the main thing that caught Frank's breath was the fact that those were his tattoos on them. From Anthony's name, to the ‘hopeless romantic’, to the bow and arrow with a C for Cassie. “Gerard, how did.. Who did.. I don't even..”

His friends gathered around behind him to see what was causing their usually-talkative friend to struggle so much to find his words, each of them gasping in awe at the handiwork, and clear effort that went into it.

“I don't think I ever mentioned to you that I'm an artist.” Gerard shrugged nonchalantly, hands behind his back. “I'm not very confident in my work and I haven't really had the inspiration in years, but I wanted to make something for you. To thank you for, well.. Everything.”

“You fucking painted this?” Frank knew his eyes were comically wide. “You paint? How the fuck did you get all my tattoos right?”

Gerard giggled then, cheeks flushing. “I may have had to take some sneaky photos of them when you weren't looking. I just wanted it to be perfect.”

“He has been slaving over that,” Erin called out from the sofa. “I swear he's been working on it every time I stay over.”

Gerard glared at her until she looked away, laughing. “Is it okay?”

Frank shook his head. “Gee, it's..” All he could do was hug him, after putting the canvas safely on the counter. He held him so close, surrounded by the musky scent of his aftershave that he loved so much. “It's the nicest fucking thing anyone's ever done for me,” he whispered against his ear. “Thank you so much, Gerard.” And then he kissed his cheek, leaving him blushing but looking pleased with himself. Then, raising his voice back to its normal volume. “I hope you know I'm gonna hang that in the living room.”

“Oh, god, don't-”

“Can I commission you?” Tucker piped up, still looking at the painting. “Because this is fucking sick and I would love something like that for myself.” He looked up to see the nerves in Gerard's eyes. “Or just let Frank know of you're ever feeling up to commissions, I think a lot of people would love this kind of thing. Can I get you a drink?”

“I'm fine, thank you. I've got to drive me and Erin home later.”

“Or,” Frank interjected. “You could both just stay the night. I know you're not working tomorrow anyways. What do you say, Erin?”

“Yes please!” She called over, grinning at her dad who only smiled fondly back at her.

Frank ran his hand over Gerard's back like he was so used to doing. “You can even take my bed and I'll sleep on the sofa, don't worry about it.”

“I'm absolutely not taking your bed,” Gerard laughed, raising his eyes at his friend. “But sure, okay. If Erin wants to, who am I to say no?”

“Great!” Ray clapped his hands together. “I make a mean mojito, who wants one?”

The night couldn't have gone any better. They watched a bunch of scary movies, from comforts like Trick R Treat to the unsettling Sinister. Gerard had relaxed after the first drink, and he was much more comfortable after the third, talking passionately about music with Geoff who had pretty much claimed him once they had won the mummy wrap game together. Frank missed the warmth of the other man by his side, but he was kept entertained by the various conversations going on. 

The girls had put themselves to bed a while ago and Tucker and Geoff had walked home together while Ray waited on his Uber. Frank stood by the door with him, a lovely tipsy haze fogging over his mind. “Thanks for such a good night, Ray. It's always great to see you outside of work.”

“You too, man. And Gerard is lovely, he's lucky to have you.”

“I'm lucky to have him.” Frank smiled. “He's so sweet, isn't he?”

Ray laughed. “Absolutely, yeah. You're sure there's nothing else going on there?”

“Ray, he's a busy man. He doesn't have time for crushes or.. Or feelings.”

“Whatever you say, dude. Here’s my Uber.” Ray pulled him in for a hug. “Take care of yourself, I'll see you soon.”

Frank returned to the living room to find Gerard on the couch, the blood now washed from his face. Frank had washed the makeup off his own face a while ago, unable to stand the feeling of it on his skin. He plopped himself down beside the other man, grinning at him. “Rock paper scissors for who gets the bed?”

Gerard snorted out a laugh. “You get the bed, Frank. It's your fucking bed.” He leaned over, resting his head on the other man's shoulder, head tilted in to face his neck. “I had a really nice night, your friends are all so kind.”

“They loved you.” Frank brought his arm up around Gerard's shoulders, keeping him there against his neck. He liked the tickle of the other man's breath on his skin. “You better come to those open mic nights with me now, they're not going to leave it alone.”

“I would literally give anything to watch you play guitar. And sing, are you kidding me?” Gerard giggled, nosing at Frank's neck. He hummed to himself when Frank's free hand was cupping his cheek softly, thumb rubbing over the soft skin there. “You're so good to me, Frankie.”

“How so?”

“You just always make me feel really special, I don't know. Something in the way you look at me, I guess.” He laughed again. “Maybe that's just the alcohol talking, I'm not sure.”

“I don't think it's the alcohol.” Frank brushed Gerard's hair out of his face when he tilted his head up to look at him. Even with the gel, there were still strands falling loose. “I look at you like you're beautiful because you are beautiful.”

Gerard's breath hitched. They were so close, only inches from each other. “I think you're really beautiful, Frankie. I think you're just maybe the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life.”

Frank made a soft noise, close to a moan, and then he was kissing him. He was cupping Gerard's face so tenderly, mouth opening when the other man's tongue brushed against his lips. He could taste alcohol in his mouth and licked into it, drowning in the taste of him. Gerard had one hand on the back of his neck to hold him in place, the other resting forgotten on his knee. They stayed that way for what felt like forever, lost in the feeling of each other, letting the haze of alcohol take over so that they didn't have to worry about what it meant or if it would affect anything.

They were interrupted by someone loudly clearing their throat.

Both of their heads shot over to find their two daughters standing there with identical expressions. Of what.. Shock? Amusement?

Cassie spoke first. “We were just getting some water. But thanks for that, guys.”

Gerard looked slowly from her, to Frank, to Erin. “Shit, I-”

Erin only laughed, a sound that instantly relieved her dad of any fear that had clawed its way inside him in seconds. “This is a public area, and PDA is gross.”

“So gross,” Cassie agreed, filling up their glasses. “But Happy Birthday, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Erin giggled. “Happy Birthday, Frank.”

And then they were gone.

Frank looked at Gerard, still holding him. He dropped his hands with a sheepish grin and stood up. “Well, that's sobered me up.”

“Yeah, I..” Gerard shook his head. “Um..”

“I'll get you pyjamas. Unless you want to sleep in that?”

Gerard smiled, tight and nervous. “I'd rather not, thank you.”

Frank knew that he had to fix this. They had kissed in a drunken moment of weakness and it had been great, until the girls walked in. Their daughters witnessing something that was supposed to be secret was going to freak Gerard out. It was going to make his mind race with a whole host of things, one of them being that Frank might now regret everything and hate him. And Frank couldn't never hate him.

“Here you go, Father,” Frank joked as he handed over the fresh pyjamas, blankets and pillows. “And honestly, Gee, come in to me at any point if you need anything. Or if you decide you'd rather take the bed.” He sat down beside him, gently but firmly gripping onto Gerard's chin to make him look at him. “You're my best friend, you know that?”

“No,” Gerard whispered, seemingly melting into his touch. “Am I really?”

“Yeah, you are. I'd hang out with you any day over those guys, and they're pretty fucking rad in case you haven't noticed.” He leaned in, brushing his nose against Gerard's before pressing the softest kiss to his lips. “And I really fucking love my present, so thank you.”

Gerard looked more like himself now, blushing and smiling with bright eyes. “You're welcome, Frankie.”

“How about I show you around the shelter tomorrow? I've never given you a proper tour.”

“Yeah, I'd love that.”

“Good. Well, sweet dreams, angel. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Frankie.”

Chapter Text

Frank woke up the next morning to the sound of laughter in the kitchen. It took him a moment to get his bearings, to remember who had stayed over last night, and that got him out of bed pretty fast. He wandered into the kitchen to find Gerard, in Frank's pyjamas and with tousled hair, sitting with a mug of coffee at the table with their daughters who were both eating cereal as they talked about Mikey's two girls and how much fun they had with them a couple of weeks ago. Cassie was receptive to everything, seemingly asking all the right questions that had the other two chattering with excitement. 

“Morning,” Frank said from the door, ignoring the part of him that felt as though he was watching a family having their breakfast together. It was a homely image, one that somehow didn’t look entirely displaced to him.

“Hey!” Gerard’s eyes were bright when he looked up. Frank wondered how long he had been awake for. “Coffee?”

“Yeah, I can-”

“No, let me.”

Frank smiled when Gerard scrambled up and went over to the coffee machine before he could get there. And so he settled himself down at the table with the girls, scrunching his nose up in distaste at their choice of cereal. “That shit is packed with sugar, you know.”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “And yet you keep buying it for me.”

“If you want to start your day off with a sugar high, that’s your business.” Frank grinned. “So what’s the plan for today, anything exciting?”

Erin shrugged, watching her dad sit down beside Frank with two fresh coffees. “We hadn’t really thought about it.”

“I’m going to bring Gee around the shelter today, he hasn’t met the dogs yet which is pretty sad, if I’m honest.”

“You never invited me,” Gerard added.

“Well, someone works very long hours and only wants to sit around and be lazy on his off days.”

Gerard gasped, lips parted as he stared at the man beside him. “That’s fucking rude.”

Frank laughed, gripping Gerard’s arm. He knew the older man was only feigning hurt. “I’m also lazy, Gee, I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who was too extroverted. But you’re here now, and the dogs are here, so we’ll go out after breakfast.”

“Breakfast meaning coffee,” Cassie said with a smirk. “Not much better than my sugary cereal now, is it?” She laughed when her dad glared at her. “Hey, dad, what was the point of getting that new tattoo if you were just going to let your hair grow out anyways?”

“I didn’t think the shaved side really suited me.”

“Are you kidding me? You looked so punk rock, just like all those photos from back when you met dad.” She talked about Anthony so easily now, there wasn’t the constant avoidance that she had gone through at the beginning of her teen years. “I think it really suited you. Don’t you think, Gerard?”

Gerard, clearly missing the teenager’s ploy, instead managed to accidentally feed into it. He lifted his hand up to run over the short hairs now completely covering the tattoo on the side of Frank’s head. “Yeah, I liked it.”

It took everything Frank had to not lean into his touch, but he knew that his cheeks were heating up. “I guess I’ll shave it again, then.”

They finished their different breakfasts together, filled with easy conversation and laughter and teasing. It all felt too comfortable, too easy, but no one seemed to give it a second thought. The four of them sitting there together felt natural, just as it did when the girls decided to come with them to the rescue, Erin excitedly showing her dad her favourite dogs and explaining in detail why each one was special to her. Gerard was clearly a dog lover, instantly settling himself onto the ground to let them jump all over him, whether they were full of kisses or not. He never once showed disgust, only happiness to be involved.

Frank thought that maybe he could get used to this.

-

They were together in Gerard’s apartment a week later, sitting on the sofa and watching a rerun of an old horror movie. Their daughters were gone to a sleepover together so, naturally, they had decided to hang out. After having dinner (that Frank cooked) and talking for a while about work and Lindsey and their girls, they had decided to watch a movie. Gerard had chosen it, obviously catering to Frank’s love of horror, and so they sat with their knees brushing, both in their own heads and not really paying attention to what was on the screen.

“Frankie?” Gerard spoke suddenly.

“Mm?”

“I’d like to talk to you about something, if that’s okay.”

Frank almost laughed at the strangeness of it- they did talk about everything, after all- but he stopped when he saw Gerard’s face. “What is it, Gee?”

“Friends can kiss without it meaning anything, right? Like.. There’s people that are friends with benefits and no one seems to even bat an eye over it because it’s become so normalised. But what about just kissing? What if.. What if there were friends that wanted to kiss their friends without it meaning anything? Would that be weird? If it was just that and nothing else? I feel like that would be weird.”

Frank’s heart stuttered in his chest. “Well.. I think that’s up to the friends to decide, don’t you? I guess everyone is going to have their own opinions and feelings on what things do and don’t mean, but if two people want to kiss each other, then why shouldn’t they?” He smirked over at the man clearly trying to avoid eye contact. “Do you want to kiss me, Gee?”

“I didn't say that.”

“No, but it was implied.” Frank pouted as he nudged Gerard's knee with his own. “Or do you have other friends that you go around kissing?”

“You're my only friend.” Gerard finally looked at him, gaze flickering from his eyes to his lips. “Which is why I'm worried about it being weird.”

Frank shrugged nonchalantly, reaching out to take Gerard's hand, smiling when it was squeezed. “I can promise you that I won't make it weird. I've kissed you twice already and it hasn't changed anything, has it?”

“No, but..” Gerard sighed softly, thumb running over the word ‘romantic’ on Frank's hand. “We were drunk both times.”

Frank brought his other hand up to gaze over Gerard's jawline, heart jumping in his chest when the other man nuzzled into it. “I'm not drunk now.”

“Yeah.” Gerard's voice was breathy as he looked up through his eyelashes at him. 

“What are you thinking?”

“That I really want you to kiss me.”

Frank laughed softly, tilting Gerard's chin up and moving in closer so that their lips brushed against one another, the older man letting out a soft gasp. “Yeah?”

“Frank,” Gerard whispered, eyes fluttering closed. “Please.”

Frank grinned. He had Gerard like putty in his hands, his head tilted up waiting for a kiss that Frank was more than willing to give. But he could still have a little fun. “Please what?”

Gerard pouted, eyebrows furrowed. “Just fucking kiss me.”

Frank scoffed, letting go of him completely and sitting with his arms crossed. “Politeness goes a long way, you know.”

“You're an asshole.”

“That's not what you said the first time I kissed you.”

“Oh, shut up.” Gerard huffed, crossing his own arms. “You want me to beg you to kiss me?”

“And what if I do?” Frank started laughing, but was very abruptly cut off by his best friend climbing into his lap, as sleek as a cat, and wrapping his arms around his tattooed neck. He opened his mouth to say something but the words got caught in his throat so he closed it again.

Gerard grinned down at him, content that he had won. “What if I just kiss you?”

Frank's hands gravitated up towards Gerard's hips, pulling him down against him and making his cocky defence falter. “Go on, then.”

“I don't..” Gerard made a soft noise when Frank pulled him down again so that he fell forward, hands clutching at the cushion behind Frank on either side of his head. He blushed, now only inches from him.

Frank's smile had now faded, his body thrumming everywhere. “Go on,” he said, softer.

Gerard shook his head. “Can't you?”

“I thought you said you were going to do it, hm?”

“Frankie.. Please.”

Frank shook his head, reaching up to hold onto Gerard's chin. Usually his touch was soft, but this time he was firmer, his other hand holding Gerard's body down against him with a steel grip on his hip. “You're going to have to do better than that.”

“Fuck, I..” Gerard was breathing heavier now, shifting on Frank's lap. “Please, Frankie. Please kiss me.” He glanced between his friend's eyes before staring at his lips. “Need.. Need you to kiss me.”

“That's it, angel.” And so Frank gave him what he wanted, their lips moving fervently against each other, Gerard's hands moving into his hair and over his scalp where he had recently shaved, making a soft noise at the back of his throat when Frank pushed at his chin with his thumb, making him open his mouth up for his tongue to slip in.

Gerard was clutching at him like he was afraid he might disappear and Frank was loving it, his own hands moving to grip at Gerard's thighs, feeling how soft and pliable they were under the sweatpants he was wearing. He hummed in content, squeezing them, and then Gerard's hips moved against him of their own accord, brushing their crotches together.

Gerard gasped and pulled back, eyes wide with fear. “Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't-”

“Gee,” Frank whispered against his lips. “It's just me, you don't need to panic.”

“I didn't mean to.”

“I know.” Frank smiled, brushing his nose against his friend's. “It's kind of a normal reaction, you know.”

“It is?”

Frank's heart softened at his inexperience. Gerard had never been with a man, he had no idea how his body should even react around one. Here was a forty-seven year old man sitting on his lap, looking like a deer caught in headlights because he had just accidentally grinded down on him. “It is. I don't care, I promise. You do whatever feels good to you.”

Gerard relaxed. “Okay.”

“You try kissing me this time.”

Gerard groaned unhappily but was spurred on by his friend's laughter. He gingerly cupped Frank's face in his hands, taking his time to run his thumb over Frank's scruff, smiling as he did so. “You're so..”

“So what?” Frank encouraged, ignoring the part of him that desperately wanted to hear the end of that sentence.

“So hot. So beautiful. So.. Fuck, Frank.” And then Gerard was kissing him, pouring passion through his lips that Frank eagerly drank up.

They wasted no time in finding their rhythm again, both seeming to be completely in tune with the other. Frank nibbled at Gerard's bottom lip and chuckled into the kiss when the other man moaned; a broken uncertain sound. He squeezed his thighs again, letting out a surprised sound of his own when Gerard's hips automatically moved down on him again. Apparently his thighs were a weak spot.

“Shit, sorry,” Gerard panted, only pulling back long enough to choke out his apology before kissing him again.

But Frank didn't want to hear it. Instead, he moved his hands back to grab his friend's ass, deliberately pulling him down to rub their crotches against each other again. Gerard's hands tightened on his shoulders, a broken moan leaving him.

“Frank,” He gasped. “What-”

“Just.. Keep doing that.” Frank was panting, his eyes lidded. “If you're comfortable, if it's what your body wants, just..” He groaned when Gerard rocked against him uncertainly, testing the waters. “Fuck, yeah.”

Gerard's eyes were wide, pupils blown out with lust. “You sound so hot, Frankie. Wanna hear you.” And so he kissed him harder, his hips now rolling down to meet his friend's, both of them letting out desperate noises each time.

“Gee.” Frank broke them apart just long enough to hold Gerard still, meeting his eyes. “Do you want me to.. I can help.”

Gerard visibly gulped, his cheeks rosy with colour. “We were only supposed to kiss.”

Frank laughed, rubbing his thumb over the other man's jawline. “We don't have to do anything else, I'm only saying that I'm happy to help if you want me to.”

“I don't know what to say, I really.. Are you only offering because I got worked up?”

“You really think I'd offer to get you off just because you got hard?” Frank giggled, watching Gerard's blush spread down to his neck. “Gee, you've got literally zero experience. Which is obviously completely fine, but I know you're terrified of getting out there and meeting new people because you don't know what to expect. But you also want to start dating and being with men finally. I'm here, I'm safe, I'm not going to judge you. I'm your friend and I happen to think that you're gorgeous and I would genuinely love to get you off. It's just a bonus that it would also help your confidence when you do start dating.”

Gerard exhaled slowly. “And I could.. Would I get you off, too?” He clearly wasn't oblivious to the tent in Frank's jeans.

“No. No, definitely not. I'm not throwing a whole pile of stuff at you that you might not be ready for.”

“Is it because you're not attracted to me?”

Frank sighed before smiling wanly at him, running his thumb over Gerard's lower lip. He would tell him how beautiful he was forever if he needed to hear it. “You're gorgeous, Gerard. Perfect, even. But I know how important it is to take things slow, to be careful. I don't want you regretting anything. The last thing I want is to lose my best friend.”

“Okay,” Gerard whispered. “But I'm scared.”

“Of course you are, that's okay. Want to tell me what exactly is scaring you?”

“Lindsey never really focused on me, you know? It was all about the sex, just about trying to have kids. Even back at the start, she wasn't really interested in me and I obviously wasn't interested in her because I had to go to the bathroom to get myself up every time. I just.. Frankie, I don't know how to do this, how to do any of it. I'm scared of embarrassing myself or making you uncomfortable, I don't know what to do.”

“Okay.” Frank left a soft kiss on the corner of Gerard's mouth. “I'm going to get you comfortable first. Here, lie down.” He helped Gerard off his lap to lie him down lengthways along the couch, scooting in so that Frank could do the same, on his side and facing him with his hand on Gerard's chest. “All you have to do is lie here, okay? Lie here and kiss me. You don't need to worry about what you're doing, where your hands are going, what you sound like.. Just do whatever your body wants to do. And I'm not going to judge or pay attention to that, I'm only focusing on how you're feeling. I just want to make sure you're comfortable. Okay?”

“Okay.” Gerard nodded, breath trembling when Frank started kissing his neck soft and slow. “This.. This isn't weird that we're doing this, right?”

“Does it feel weird to you?”

“No, it feels normal.” Gerard shook his head. “I feel safe with you.”

Frank smiled warmly at him, kissing his lips again. “That's all I want, Gee. And hey, you're the one that said friends with benefits is totally normal nowadays.”

Gerard laughed uncertainly. “Is that what we are?”

“I think it's what we're about to be.” Frank laughed before kissing him properly this time, not wanting Gerard to get too into his head again. If he needed to stop, if it all became too much, he would tell him or Frank would know by his reaction, but for now he was only focused on the other man's pleasure.

He tucked his arm under Gerard's neck, gripping his shoulder to keep him close while his other hand worked it's way into his friend's sweatpants. He decided to stay on the outside of his underwear at first, cupping the bulge there and feeling Gerard tremble as he moaned into his mouth. Frank's fingers traced the outline of his cock, surprised by how big it was, and feeling the damp stain of precome already. He didn't know if Gerard was aware that it wasn't common to get this turned on this easily, but Frank was feeling very fucking proud of himself and wouldn't say a word. 

“Still okay?” He breathed against his lips, looking at the other man's tightly shut eyes.

“Please, Frankie,” Gerard begged. “Need you, please.”

“I've got you, angel.” Frank slipped his hand under the waistband of Gerard's boxers, swiping his thumb over the tip to gather precome and slide his hand down his friend's full length, gripping it firmly before moving his hand.

“Fuck.” A high-pitched whine came from the back of Gerard's throat as his head fell forward to land on Frank's shoulder. “Fuck, Frankie.”

“Yeah?” Frank's voice was raspy. He twisted his fist as he moved it up and down, kissing the top of Gerard's head when the other man gripped onto his chest for stability.

Gerard nodded against him, whimpering and pulling at his t-shirt so he could slip his hand up underneath it, resting against Frank's chest where he had always wanted to be. “Feels so good.”

“God, you're so fucking wet,” Frank groaned, his hand picking up the speed and making Gerard moan all over again.

“Frankie,” he sobbed against his chest.

“Love hearing you like this, Gee.” Frank kissed the side of the other man's head, feeling how much he was trembling in his arms. “You sound so beautiful.”

“Can't, Frankie,” he panted, moving up to brush his lips over his friend's. “I'm so close.”

“So ask.”

Gerard's cheeks flushed even darker, eyes brightening. “Please?”

“Please what?”

“Please can I..” He buried his burning face into Frank's tattooed neck, whimpering quietly. “Please can I come?”

Frank's heart leaped in his chest. “Yeah, you can come, baby. Come for me.” He held Gerard close as he reached his orgasm, jerking him off through it. “That's it, Gee. I've got you.”

Gerard breathed heavily afterwards, clutching desperately at his friend when he made to get up. “Where are you going?”

Frank left a sweet kiss on Gerard's forehead. “Just gonna clean us up.”

Gerard pouted and pushed his head into Frank's chest again, shaking his head. “Just wipe it into my pants, I don't care. Please don't go.”

Frank chuckled, but did what he said before lying back and pulling Gerard into his arms. He trailed his fingers through the older man's hair, littering kisses anywhere he could reach. “How are you feeling?”

“I don't know,” Gerard sighed, soaking up the warmth of Frank's body. “That was fucking.. I didn't know a handjob could be that good.” He rolled his eyes when Frank laughed happily to himself. “But I'm also like.. Nervous, I guess. And embarrassed by how I sounded or whatever. And how fast I came."

“You have absolutely no need to be embarrassed by that.” Frank moved his hips to lightly press his crotch against Gerard's thigh. “This wouldn't be happening if you sounded weird or whatever it is that you're thinking.”

Gerard gasped quietly, looking down at the tent in Frank's jeans. “Frankie.. Please can I-”

“Nope,” Frank chuckled, tilting his friend’s head back up to look at him once again. “You're so beautiful, Gerard. It's important to me that you know that.”

Gerard's cheeks flushed again, his nose scrunching up in the way that Frank loved so much. “I've never believed that but you make me think.. I don't know, that maybe I am.”

“You just haven't been around the right people.”

“No,” Gerard said firmly. “I just haven't been around you.”

Chapter Text

“So. You and Gerard, huh?”

Frank picked up the pile of clothes that he had just folded, raising an eyebrow at his daughter who had just entered the room. “Huh?”

“You know.. Gerard? Your best friend? Father of my best friend?”

Frank was very suspicious about this line of questioning. “Yes, I'm very aware of him.”

“Are you guys dating?”

“Dating? Jesus, Cas, I haven't dated anyone since your dad and I certainly wouldn't be doing it without talking to you first.”

Cassie softened at the mention of him. “You've dated a few guys since then.”

“Not officially, just tested it out but I didn't really click with any of them.” He shrugged, walking towards his room with the giant pile of laundry in his arms. “He's my best friend.”

“That you were making out with on Halloween,” Cassie said as she followed. “You know, me and Erin are both okay with it, right? We both really want you guys to be happy so-”

“Cas, sweetheart, I'm sorry to disappoint but there's really nothing going on there. We were drunk.”

Cassie stopped in his doorway, arms crossed as she watched him putting away his clothes. “So you've never kissed him other than that one time?”

Frank refused to lie to his daughter unless he absolutely had to, so he just scoffed, only looking at the socks that he was pairing together. “Can we drop this? Please?”

Cassie clapped her hands together excitedly. “So you have kissed more than once! Oh my god, this is so exciting. Have you gone further than that?”

“Okay, that's where I draw the line. I'm not discussing this with my daughter.”

“Oh my god, you absolutely have. Otherwise you'd say no.” Cassie giggled as she was gently pushed out of the doorway so that her dad could close the bedroom door in her face. “You're being childish.”

“You're being invasive,” he called back. “Nothing's going on.”

“Okay, dad. I'll be here when you decide to be honest with yourself.”

-

A few weeks later, Geoff was hosting his monthly open mic night. Frank had already arranged with Gerard to meet him there since it was closer to Frank's house. He had played onstage countless times during his life, but the nerves that he had about Gerard watching him were enormous.

“Dude, I haven't seen you this stressed about playing in.. Actually, I don't know if I ever have,” Tucker laughed. “Are you sure it's not because..” He trailed off when he saw the warning in Ray's eyes, remembering the conversation from earlier when Ray had informed them not to ask questions about it. Tucker cleared his throat. “Anyways, where's Gerard?”

Frank glanced at his phone. “He should be here soon.” He was clutching the guitar to himself, knee bouncing up and down as they sat in their usual booth, waiting to go up after the current band. “I don't think I can sing tonight guys, just guitar.”

“That's fine,” Geoff assured him. “You're going up with us anyways so I'll be singing, there's no pressure to do your own song.”

“Yeah.” Frank nodded numbly, head shooting up when the door to the bar opened again. It had been opening and closing constantly since he arrived half an hour earlier to set up his guitar, and he had checked the door every time even though it wasn't when Gerard had agreed to show up. But now, it was him. 

And he looked incredible. He was wearing a Metallica t-shirt that Frank actually recognised as his own, one that he had lent to him weeks ago when he spilled coffee on his own. He had a black denim jacket covering it and sunglasses that he now pushed back into his hair with his usual lopsided grin when he spotted the men waving him over.

Frank stood to greet him, then remembered his guitar and grabbed blindly at it to save it from falling before realising it was fucking attached to his body. He blushed, hoping that no one had seen but knowing they all had, and threw it behind himself, the strap keeping it in place as he hugged his friend. “Hey, Gee.”

“Hi Frankie.” Gerard's eyes raked down over his body, taking in the tight t-shirt showing off his arms and the baggy, ripped jeans. “You look good.”

“Me? You look good.” Frank shifted on his feet, smiling nervously. “That's my shirt.”

Gerard grinned. “And?”

Geoff stood to pat Frank on the back. “We're up, Frankie boy.”

Frank nodded at him, glancing up at Gerard again, heart lurching at the sight. He had walked in with such confidence, something he had been consistently gaining ever since they had become friends. And it was doing something to Frank. Something that he was only beginning to admit to himself.

“Good luck, Frankie.” Gerard kissed his cheek, completely disarming him, before grabbing Frank's drink from the table as he sat down, taking a sip from it with a smirk.

Frank took the makeshift stage with his friends; Ray and him on guitars, Geoff singing and Tucker at home behind the drum kit. They played a set of four songs, two covers and two originals that they had written together in their free time. Frank couldn't look at Gerard until the third one. Instead, he focused entirely on the music, becoming one with his guitar like always.

And then, when he finally met his friend's eyes, he found him watching him intently, eyes darkened and pupils blown out in a way Frank had only seen before when his hand was wrapped around Gerard's cock. He shook his head to pay attention, falling back into the music once more.

Gerard was filled with compliments when they returned, scooting over to let Frank sit in beside him. He asked questions about the music, about what had made them choose each instrument, what it was like to work together. And, all the while, his hand was on Frank's thigh under the table, fingers running over the inner side of it, tracing the seams of his jeans as he moved up further.

Frank was struggling to control his breathing, his body stiff as he waited. Thankfully, Gerard didn't go any further than that, or Frank might have combusted in his pants.

“Frankie,” Gerard said to him a while later, loud enough for the others to hear too. “Show me where the toilets are?”

Frank nodded with a smile. “Yeah, sure. I could probably go too.” When they got there, he did a quick sweep to make sure no one was around before grabbing Gerard by the front of his jacket and pulling him into one of the opened cubicles, locking the door behind him. “What the fuck was that?”

“Too far?” Gerard worried at his bottom lip, panting softly from the force that he had been pulled into the cubicle.

“No, fuck, not at all.” Frank closed the space between them, pressing Gerard up against the wall. “But what was that?”

“I wanted to ask you something.”

Frank laughed. “And that's how you do it?”

Gerard rolled his eyes, holding onto his friend's hips. “You said something to me a while ago and I didn't know if you were joking or not.”

“What was it?”

“About us being.. Friends with benefits.”

“Ah.” Frank grinned, running his knuckles over Gerard's jawline. “Don't you think we already are?”

“I don't know, are we? We never talked about it.” Gerard looked up through his eyelashes at him.

Frank leaned in, ghosting his lips over the shell of Gerard's ear. He smelled like alcohol, like the bar. “Do you want us to be?”

“Yes,” Gerard answered quickly, shivering at the sensation. “Yes, of course I do.”

“Me too.” Frank tangled his hand in Gerard's hair, tugging so that his neck was exposed for his lips to start moving along it, kissing and biting softly. “Fuck, me too.”

“Can I..” Gerard whimpered when Frank bit down on his collarbone. “Can I ask for something I want to try then?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Gerard inhaled shakily. “I wanna blow you.”

Frank looked at him with surprised eyes. “Wouldn't you rather I blow you? Giving a blowjob for the first time can be pretty scary.”

“I'm not scared, I have you.” Gerard beamed at him. “I mean, I'm nervous that you won't enjoy it, but I trust that you'll guide me through it so it feels good for you.” He dropped down to his knees, pouting up at his best friend when his hands rested on his thighs. “Please, Frankie. I wanna make you feel good too.”

Frank groaned, running his fingers through the other man's hair. “Not here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I want to take our time, to make sure you're okay and comfortable. Let's go back to mine. Cassie's out tonight anyways.”

Gerard looked ecstatic. “You're really gonna let me blow you?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

As soon as they arrived at Frank's house, the guitar was placed carefully to the side before they were attached again, kissing and shedding jackets as they moved towards the bedroom. Frank had a tight grip in Gerard's hair, making him moan every time he pulled at it, whereas Gerard was already working on the shorter man's belt by the time they got inside the room with the door shut.

“You look so fucking hot playing guitar,” Gerard panted, managing to get Frank's jeans down enough for him to kick them off with his shoes. “The way you move your fingers..”

“That's why I'm really good at fucking with them,” Frank laughed, groaning in surprise when Gerard cupped him over his underwear. He guessed the little bit of alcohol they had drank was leading the way. “I'm very skilled with my fingers, you know. I'm particularly good at finding the perfect spot quickly.”

Gerard's breathing faltered. “Will you.. Could you..”

“Yeah, baby, of course. But not tonight because I don't think you could recover from it.” Frank grinned, then his smile dropped. “Oh my god, Gee. You've never.. You've never even been fingered so you've never felt how good that is. Jesus Christ, you've got so much to look forward to.”

Gerard dropped to his knees then, gazing up at him once again. “Can I take these off?” His fingers were tracing the rim of Frank's underwear.

“Yeah.” Frank nodded, breath hitching when his underwear was pushed down around his thighs and his best friend was face to face with his very hard cock. And then Gerard was wrapping his hand around it, his own breathing shaky and uncertain as he watched with wide eyes.

“Oh my god,” Gerard whispered, watching his own hand move over Frank's length.

“Yeah,” Frank groaned, head falling back against the wall behind him. “Fuck, Gee, you looked so good when you walked in tonight. All I wanted was to kiss you right there.”

Gerard let out a quiet noise in response. “Realy?”

“Mm. You were already hot when I met you obviously, but you're so much more comfortable in yourself now. It's like you know how hot you are now.” Frank hissed through his teeth when Gerard gingerly wrapped his lips over the tip, tongue darting against it to collect the precome. “Holy fucking shit.”

Gerard pulled back to slowly run his tongue along the length of the shaft, grinning when Frank's legs trembled. “You make me feel confident, Frankie. To have someone like you complimenting me, it's.. You don't know what that means.”

“Someone like me?”

“The most insanely handsome guy I've ever seen,” Gerard clarified with a giggle. “Now give me some instruction so I can make this good for you.”

Pushing the compliment away for now (he would absolutely come back to it later and find himself blushing like a schoolgirl), Frank cupped Gerard's face with one hand, the other still in his hair. “You're already doing so well, angel.”

“Yeah? You like it when I do this?” Gerard maintained eye contact as he flattened his tongue out over the base of Frank's cock again, dragging it up slowly before swirling it around the tip.

“Jesus,” Frank whispered.

Gerard hummed to himself, nuzzling in against him to get his scent, to mouth at his balls, tongue tenderly darting out to run over them. It was like he was trying to get a proper taste of Frank, to fully submerge himself in him. It was messy and inexperienced and Frank was panting heavily from the hunger in Gerard's eyes.

“Gee,” he said softly after what felt like forever of the teasing. “Please.”

“Look who's begging now.” Gerard smirked. “Any tips for me?”

“Watching your teeth is the most important one,” Frank laughed. “And, I guess.. You don't need to suck, exactly. Everyone thinks you're supposed to suck, but that kind of hurts because it's too much pressure. It's more about what you do with your tongue and kind of hollowing your cheeks, you get me?” He shrugged, caressing Gerard's cheek. “I don't think you need to worry too much, angel.”

“Yeah.. Okay.” Gerard licked his lips, seeing Frank follow the movement. “Wanted to do this for so long.”

And then his lips were wrapped around Frank's length and he was taking half of him in at once, fingers wrapped around the base as he started to move his head back and forth, his hand matching the pace he set. He was experimenting the whole time, seeing how Frank reacted to his tongue brushing over the tip or the vein on the base, seeing if he moaned when he squeezed his hand at the same time that he hollowed his cheeks (he did). He was moaning in tandem with him, loving the harsh pull on his hair, the way Frank was cursing and complimenting him at the same time, the way that Frank was watching him. 

Gerard pulled back enough to just wrap his lips around the head, tongue lapping like he was desperate as he tightened the pressure in his mouth. Frank's knees buckled and he might have even fallen from it if Gerard didn't have a firm grip on his thighs, holding him back against the wall.

“Stop fucking touching yourself,” Frank choked out as soon as he saw Gerard sneak a hand into his own jeans. “You're coming in my mouth, don't let yourself go now.”

Gerard moaned brokenly around him, but stopped as requested. He put his all into what he was doing, focusing on the head and cupping his balls, thumbs rubbing gentle circles into them.

“Gee..” Frank groaned. “Gee, gonna.. Fuck, shit, gonna come. You need to..”

But Gerard stayed put, letting the salty taste explode across his tongue and down his throat. He kept going until Frank had to actually pull him off, laughing about how sensitive it was. Gerard pouted and licked his lips. “You taste so good, Frankie.”

“Jesus, come here.” Frank pulled him up by his t-shirt before kissing him roughly, tasting himself on his lips. “That was insane for your first blowjob.”

Gerard grunted when he was pushed down onto the bed. “Yeah? It was okay?”

“More than okay. Pants off.” Frank hummed appreciatively when Gerard wriggled out of his jeans. “Fucking look at you.”

Gerard reached for him, pulling him down onto the bed on top of his own body. “Please Frankie. Please.”

Frank chuckled, settling between Gerard's legs to start kissing down his thighs. “Fucking love your legs. Want them wrapped around me while I eat you out sometime.”

“Eat me..” Gerard trembled when Frank practically ripped off his underwear. “Are you serious?”

“Deadly.” Frank got one of Gerard's legs slung over his shoulder, exhaling softly at the sight of him before swallowing him down.

Gerard's head flew back against the pillows as he cried out at the sensation, fingers tight in his friend's hair. “Oh my god, Frank. Oh my god, your fucking mouth.”

Frank had his hand wrapped around the base and so pulled back for a minute, his voice tainted with lust. “You can fuck my mouth, Gee, I can take it. Or, well..” He sized him up. “You're pretty big actually, so maybe just take it slow at first, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Gerard breathed out, looking completely debauched. He tested it out, rocking up into Frank's mouth a few times before they found a rhythm that worked for them, Frank's fingers covering the parts of his cock that his mouth couldn't reach. He gasped and moaned his name, saying it like a prayer as he grew closer, closer, begging for more, for Frank to keep doing that thing with his tongue, for- “Frankie, gonna come. Fuck, please, so close.”

Frank looked up through his eyelashes at him, taking him down his throat and swallowing around his length as he came. He spluttered a little and the corners of his mouth burned, but he thought that he did pretty well overall. He wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and groaned as he crawled up the bed to rest his head on the other man's chest. “Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Gerard choked out. “Fuck.”

“Stay for the night?” Frank's voice was hoarse, used. “You can stay in with me if you want, I don't think it matters.”

“Fuck, Frankie, I'd love to but I have work first thing tomorrow and I don't have any of my stuff with me.”

“Can't you just leave early?” Frank was embarrassed as soon as it left his lips. “No, sorry, yeah that's too much, of course.”

“I'm sorry, Frankie. Another time.”

“Yeah, sure.” Frank buried his face into the older man's chest to hide the red blush of shame spreading across it.

Chapter Text

There was a gap of over a week before the two friends saw each other after that. Gerard was busy with work and Frank was embarrassed about how needy he had sounded the last time they had been together, even if the other man possibly hadn't thought so. His concerns that he might have thought him to be needy were enough for him to pull back a little. But Geoff was having a party at his house after the launch of his book and, of course, both men were in attendance. They had arrived together, to no one's surprise, and Frank was relieved to find that Gerard wasn't acting any differently towards him. He had, in fact, just been extra busy that week in work.

“Would you ever consider cutting down your hours?” Frank had asked, concern knitting his brows together.

“I have considered it, I'm just worried about money.” Gerard had shrugged it off. “I still need to save for Erin's future, you know? I can't risk that.”

They had had this conversation before, multiple times, and Frank knew that Gerard was leaning more towards leaving than he ever had before, he just wouldn't admit it. He hated his job, hated the responsibility, his inability to disconnect work from life and how he brought all the cases home in his mind to mull over as he tried to fall asleep. He should be an artist, Frank knew, but it wasn't an easy route to go down. Although he firmly believed that he could try and very possibly succeed with a little bit of help. So Frank encouraged him any chance he got.

And now they were at Geoff's party, mingling separately before inevitably coming back together every time, always finding each other through the swarm of people around them, eyes scrunching up into a smile whenever they locked. Frank was over at the alcohol 'station', frowning as he poured random liquids together, when he felt a firm hand on his back and then a chin resting on his shoulder.

“What you making?” Gerard's voice was low, dripping softly against his ear.

“Trying to make a mojito for Tucker but I've forgotten the measurements.” Frank giggled as he poured something else in. “This is definitely wrong. Are you having fun, though? You seem to be talking to a lot of people.”

“Mostly just talking about you.” Gerard managed to discreetly tilt his head to pull Frank's earlobe into his mouth, nibbling softly on it. 

The younger man went rigid immediately, hands gripping the counter. “Saying what, exactly?”

“Just singing your praises, like always.” Gerard brushed his nose right behind Frank's ear. “I want to fuck you, Frankie.”

Frank, already being the clumsiest person he knew, turned even worse when he was around Gerard. In his shock, he managed to knock a bottle over on the counter, the glass making a loud sound that spoke out over the volume of the music, but thankfully didn't break. He looked back at Geoff with an apologetic smile before shouting over to him. “Sorry! Just the mixer, don't worry.” Frank glared at his best friend who was laughing so hard that he had to clutch his stomach to stop from keeling over. “Oh, fuck you.

Gerard managed to calm himself enough to drop down onto his knees beside Frank, hidden by another counter, both of them cleaning what had spilled on the floor with paper towels. “Well, I didn't think you were gonna react like that.”

“What were you expecting?” Frank scoffed. His heart was racing, beating so loud that he could hear it in his ears. He kept his voice low. “Have you thought about how that could affect what we have going on?”

“We've already done stuff, Frankie. We kiss all the time and we've both blown each other, have you not thought about us having sex?”

“Obviously I.. I have, but it's not.. That's so far from a blowjob. You could fuck me and then completely change your mind.”

Gerard frowned. “Why on earth would I change my mind about you?” He put his hand over Frank's, stopping him from wiping the already-clean floor. “Are you crazy?”

“You've really thought about this? About..” Frank trailed off when he saw Gerard's gaze flicker up to the side. He followed to find Ray and Geoff standing there. They both tried to look away instantly and the guilt was written across their faces clear as day. “How much of that did you hear?”

“Hear of what? We heard nothing,” Ray answered.

“All of it,” Geoff said at the same time.

Frank groaned. “Not a fucking word.”

Gerard was the one blushing now, standing back up to wipe himself off. “I'm gonna go find Tucker, he said he wanted to show me a video of his kid earlier.”

Frank put his head in his hands, taking deep breaths. He was vaguely aware of warmth on either side of him, Ray and Geoff sitting down on the floor. “Fine, okay, let me have your worst.”

“Our worst?” Ray sighed. “Frank, we don't need to talk about it. Your business is your business, we only care about what you want.”

“I don't.. I don't know what I want.”

Geoff squeezed the younger man's knee. “I think it's pretty obvious what you want.” He ignored Ray's look. Ray wanted to protect Frank by staying silent and he understood that, but Geoff was a firm believer in talking about it. “I'm just going to ask you, Frankie.. Why not? What's holding you back?”

“I'm not holding back.” Frank tilted his head back against the cupboards behind him. “We have, like.. Hooked up. A couple of times, you know? It's not like nothing's happened between us.”

“Right, but you're not the ‘hooking up’ kind of guy.”

“I can be.” Frank's voice was soft, his eyes closed. “For him.”

Ray's heart broke a little as he looked at his friend. He had known him for what felt like forever now, even though they had been in their early twenties when they met. “I don't want to see you get hurt.”

“Gee would never hurt me.”

“Not intentionally, sure, but if you don't tell him that you want more than this, he won't know to give it to you. Don't you think he at least deserves to know how you feel?”

Frank's eyes were challenging when he turned to look at him. “And how is it that I feel, exactly?”

“I think you're falling for him,” Geoff stepped in, smiling when Frank whipped his head around to look at him instead. “I think you've already fallen for him, to be honest. And you know what? I think he's down bad for you too, that's pretty fucking obvious to anyone.”

“I agree,” Ray added. “Frank, I haven't seen you like this with anyone since Anthony. And I'm sorry to bring that up as a comparison, I'm just using it to say that we know you, we've seen you like this before.”

Frank exhaled shakily, twisting his ring around his finger. “I haven't dated anyone since him. And Gerard.. He's just out of a long fucking marriage, he's still finding himself. I can't take that away from him.”

“Yes you absolutely can, if the situation calls for it. If two people find each other at the right time, why should one hold back just to let the other explore? When he's clearly so head over heels for you?”

“And at our fucking age?” Geoff laughed. “Grab love when you find it, don't let him go.”

Frank shook his head, genuinely considering what they were saying. “Fuck, you guys.”

There was the sound of footsteps approaching and Gerard and Tucker appeared around the counter, the latter crossing his arms defiantly. “Where's my mojito? And also, what the fuck are you guys doing on the floor?”

Frank rolled his eyes with a laugh, glancing over at Gerard who looked nervous. “Your mojito is on the counter, your highness. And we were talking.”

“It's surprisingly comfortable down here.” Geoff groaned when Tucker sat down beside him with his drink in hand, elbowing him in the ribs accidentally. “Personal space, Rule.”

Ray scooted over and patted the floor beside him for Gerard to sit down. Sure, he could sit on the other side of him, but he knew that Gerard and Frank would find a way to be touching across him and he wasn't particularly interested in being a third.

Gerard settled himself down between his best friend and Ray, smiling when the former instantly interlocked their fingers without even thinking about it. “It is kind of comfortable down here.”

Frank leaned against him, hand tightening around his. “The gays do love sitting on the floor.”

Geoff scoffed. “Except most of us aren't gay. Hey, how long do you guys think a party needs to last before I can ask everyone else to leave?”

-

“What are your plans for Christmas?” Frank asked as Gerard drove him home, since he was one of the few who hadn't drank at the party.

“Christmas?” Gerard frowned, thinking about it. It was only a couple of weeks away now. “Erin's staying with Lindsey for Christmas Eve and then she's coming to mine after dinner on Christmas Day.”

“Okay.” Frank nodded, taking a moment to get the courage up to ask. “You could stay with us, if you wanted. Christmas Eve, I mean. And then have dinner the next day. Totally fine if you'd rather be alone, I just didn't want you to be alone if you didn't want to be, you know?”

“I couldn't intrude on something like that, I know how important it is to you guys.”

“We've managed to have someone over for Christmas dinner every year since Anthony.” Frank smiled. “As much as we love Christmas, it reminds us that he's not here. We'd be glad for the company. But if you'd rather not, I can ask one of my other friends, there's no pressure.”

“You're sure?” Gerard pulled into Frank's driveway. “Because I.. Yeah, I'd really like that.”

“Of course I'm sure.” Frank smiled over at him, hand reaching out to grasp Gerard's thigh. “I love being around you, and so does Cassie.”

“I'd actually really hate to be alone on Christmas, I hadn't given it much thought.”

“So, don't worry about it. Just stay with us.”

Gerard nodded, fingertips grazing over Frank's tattooed hand. “Do you want to stay at mine this weekend? I keep thinking about last week, I feel like shit that I wasn't able to stay. I was thinking maybe we could go out somewhere different, like to the park or something, and then we can get takeaway because you know I suck at cooking. And then you could.. Stay. If you wanted.”

“Yeah, I'd really like that.” Frank's heart was hammering in his chest.

“Yeah? I'm not going to jump you or anything, I don't want you worried about that. I know that I.. It looked like you were uncomfortable, back there. And then I found you talking to your friends and I thought I.. The last thing I ever want is to make you uncomfortable.”

“I know.” Frank found his hand and held it. “They heard what we were talking about, Gee, I was just telling them about us.” Not a lie but not the complete truth. Not yet. “You didn't scare me or anything.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I'm sure.” Frank smiled at him, butterflies taking hold of his stomach when Gerard smiled right back. “I want it.”

“You want what?”

“I want you to fuck me.”

“Oh.” Gerard's smile faded into something more serious. “Oh, okay. I.. Wow, alright, I thought by your reaction that you.. Okay.”

Frank giggled at his sudden nerves. “It happens naturally, we don't plan it. Alright? And both of us have to be completely sober.”

“Yeah, of course. Yeah.”

“If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, that's fine too.” Frank leaned in then, brushing his nose over Gerard's and smiling. “But I hope it does.”

Gerard closed the distance between them and kissed the younger man, sighing softly against his lips. “Yeah, me too.”

Frank left one last kiss on his cheek before leaving him, both with only one thing on their minds.

Chapter Text

That weekend, Gerard picked Frank up and brought him for a picnic in the park. It was clear that so much love and effort had gone into it and Frank struggled to not get emotional as they sat there, drinking lemonade and eating sandwiches together. It was easy and that was what scared him the most about being with Gerard. Because, at the root of it, Ray had been right; he hadn't felt like this about anyone since Anthony. 

Once they arrived back to Gerard's apartment that evening, Frank was thrumming with a whole host of emotions that he couldn't quite place. He felt as though he was locked onto every slight movement Gerard made, the way his lips rose on one side when Frank said something that amused him, how Gerard would always be watching him when he thought Frank wasn't looking. He stood in the other man's kitchen, watching him walk around and using every ounce of self control to not just stop him.

“Are you hungry yet? It's been a couple of hours since we've eaten, do you want to order?”

“Can the food wait?”

Gerard turned around to look at him, frowning as he tilted his head. “Yeah, sure. What's up?”

“Nothing's up, I just.. I'm not hungry.”

“Something is definitely up.” Gerard's frown only deepened as he walked over, touching Frank's chin and watching the other man exhale shakily. “What's going on?”

Frank leaned into his touch, his eyes fluttering closed. “Gee, I want..”

Gerard cupped his face, recognising Frank's weird demeanour for what it was. “What do you want, Frankie?”

 “I want you to fuck me. I.. Fuck, I really want you to.” Frank looked up at him again, waiting nervously for a response. Gerard was taking him in, eyes flickering between both of his. “Please, Gee. If you.. If you want.”

Gerard didn't say anything, just wrapped his fingers around his friend's wrist and pulled him towards the bedroom. Once they were there, he had Frank up against the wall, kissing him while working on taking his jacket off. “I can see why you like me to beg.”

Frank gasped when Gerard pushed his jeans down, leaving him in just his t-shirt and underwear. “I.. Fuck, if it makes you like this I'll happily beg any time.”

“Show me,” Gerard whispered against his ear, pulling off the other man's shirt before pushing him towards the bed.

The back of Frank's legs hit the bed and he fell onto it, stunned by the sudden course of actions and Gerard's confidence. He must really want to fuck him. That made him blush, almost as much as the look in Gerard's eyes. “Gee..” This was the first time his friend had seen so much of his body at once, but the other man was still fully clothed. “Please, Gee.”

“Please what?” Gerard smirked, pushing Frank's shoulder so was sprawled out on his back, on display on the bed.

“Please just fuck me.” Frank's voice was soft, his hands clenching the bedsheets. “Gee, I.. I need you.”

“Yeah?” Gerard put his hand on the bedpost, eyes roaming all over the other man's body, unable to stop taking him in. “How bad do you need me?”

Frank cursed, trying to sit up but instantly being pushed back down again. He huffed, but gave in, submitting to whatever it was that Gerard wanted to do to him. “You have no fucking clue how bad I need you.”

“Mm.” Gerard smiled. “I spent forty fucking years of my life being told what to do, who to love, who to marry.. Just to now have the most beautiful man spread out in my bed, waiting for me to fuck him. I think I might be in heaven.”

“Gerard.” Frank's voice was impossibly soft, his chest rising and falling quickly.

“What, darling?”

“Please.” A whimper escaped the back of his throat and Gerard didn't miss it, his eyes widening. “Let me.. Let me show you what you've been missing out on.”

Gerard grinned, sliding out of his own jeans and shoes before climbing onto the bed, straddling Frank's hips. “Have you not already been doing that?”

“Yes but.. It's been ages since I've been fucked, Gee.” Frank managed to sit up with the other man on his lap, helping him out of his shirt so they were both finally in just their underwear. He ran his hands down over Gerard's chest, feeling his dick spring to life between them. “Imagine how tight I'm gonna be.”

“Jesus, fuck,” Gerard whispered. “I thought you switched.”

“Yeah, but I'm usually the top.” Frank pulled him closer with arms around his hips, kissing over his friend's neck. “I only really bottom if I'm with someone more dominant, you know?”

“Or someone who's never had sex with a guy,” Gerard laughed, holding Frank's face in his hands to look into his eyes. “You sure you want this?”

Frank grinned before grabbing Gerard's hand and bringing it down to his crotch. “Does it feel like I don't?”

Gerard responded by kissing him again. He tried to yank down the other man's boxers before realising he was in the way. After an annoyed huff, he moved to let Frank get completely naked. Gerard paused for a moment to appreciate it. “You're so fucking beautiful.”

Frank shook away the blush threatening to slip in. “I need.. I've gotta prep myself first.”

“Yeah, I..” Gerard blushed instead. “I've been looking this stuff up, don't laugh-” He glared at Frank when a giggle still slipped out. “I want it to be good for you. Having sex with a woman is very different than a man. Lindsey always.. Got herself ready, neither of us were really into it. But I know prep is important, right? I just.. Don't know how to do it.”

Frank nodded, placing a soft kiss on his friend's lips. “So I'll do it, and you can watch.”

Gerard scrambled out of the bed to grab the lube from his bedside locker, leaving it open to easily access the condoms after. He handed it over to Frank and watched as he settled himself on his knees.

“Kiss me?” Frank asked. “I'm nervous about you watching.”

“Why? You're so gorgeous.” Gerard did as he asked all the same, kneeling in front of him and putting a hand on the back of Frank's neck to hold him in place. He felt Frank moving and then heard the soft gasp into his own mouth when he must have pushed his fingers inside himself. “Fuck,” Gerard whispered against his lips, slipping a hand between them to wrap it around Frank's cock. He pulled on his hair with the other, making Frank groan and tilt his head back to ease the burn. Gerard took this as his chance to start kissing his tattooed neck, licking over the butterfly that was one of his newest additions. 

“Gee,” Frank gasped, his hips rocking forward into his friend's hand. “Fuck, Gee, need you so bad.”

Gerard was attacking his neck with kisses, rutting against his thigh to get some kind of friction against his own cock. “Need me to fill you up, hm?”

“God, yes.” Frank's free arm clutched around Gerard's waist, holding him against his own, sweaty body. “You're so fucking big, know it's gonna be a stretch. Know I'm gonna feel it for days.”

“Jesus. You look so good fucking yourself on your own fingers.” Gerard reached around behind Frank and batted his hand away. Before he could think twice about it, he collected some of the excess lube dripping from him and pushed two fingers into his stretched hole, both of them groaning at the sensation.

“Oh my god,” Frank whispered, forehead pressed against Gerard's chest. “Oh my god, Gee. Please, fuck.. Please.”

Gerard fucked him with his fingers. He held Frank to him and worked his fingers in a way that he hoped was right, scissoring them out and opening him up more as Frank whined and rocked against him. He could stay like this forever, getting no friction himself but watching Frank fall apart under his touch.

“Gee, fuck me. Please just fuck me, I'm good. I can't keep.. Gonna come if you keep..”

“I'd love to watch you come like this.”

Frank looked up at him, shaking his head quickly. He looked debauched, cheeks rosy with colour. “Please. Gee, please, you can make me come like this any time you want, just please fuck me, I need you to fuck me.”

Gerard grinned. It was different than his usual one, this one was filled with a kind of amusement that had Frank's body trembling even more than it already was. “You're so desperate.”

Frank grunted as he was pushed back down onto his back again. “I am desperate.”

Gerard ripped open the condom packet with his teeth, chuckling when he saw Frank's dick twitch at the gesture. “I love that you're desperate for me, it turns me on so much.”

“Show me.” Frank had let all inhibition out the window a long time ago, but Gerard was clearly loving it. He would give Gerard anything he wanted, always. “Show me how much it turns you on.”

Gerard rolled on the condom and knelt between Frank's spread legs. His fingers trailed down the younger man's trembling thighs. “Look at you. You want me so bad that you're shaking with it.”

“Please,” Frank sobbed. “I can't take any more of your teasing, Gerard.”

Gerard smiled. “But you're so pretty when you beg.”

Frank gasped when Gerard started pushing into him. He was big, but the prep had done its job. Gerard had even overdone it on the prep so now he was sliding in easier than Frank had expected, but still he was moving so slow. “It's okay,” Frank choked out. “Doesn't hurt, I promise. Please just.. Keep going.”

Gerard focused entirely on Frank's reactions instead of how it felt for him. He waited for any sign of pain but found none and then, suddenly, he was bottoming out. He groaned and Frank whimpered, and then he started to move. “Still okay?” He asked three different times before taking Frank at his word and starting to fuck him faster.

“Oh my god, yes.” Frank's head fell back against the pillow, his legs tight against Gerard's hips, bracketing him. “You fill me up so fucking good.”

Gerard braced himself on his forearms so that he could kiss along Frank's jawline, down his neck, sucking a purple mark inro his skin between two tattoos. He would just kiss him, but it would kind of be impossible with the way Frank was writhing and moaning underneath him, the sounds only increasing when he started moving faster.

“You make such pretty sounds,” Gerard said softly, reaching between them to wrap his hand around Frank's cock which only made him whine desperately. “I don't want anyone else to get to hear them.”

Frank was too blissed out to register this for what it was. He was clutching at Gerard's hips, his chest, his upper arms, begging and pleading and turning into a complete mess underneath him. Gerard might have no experience with men, but he seemed to fully understand Frank's body.

“Are you close, darling?”

Frank could only nod, whimpering when Gerard kissed him.

“Me too, you feel so good tightening around me like that. Fucking love you like this.” He sped up the movements of both his hips and fist, watching as Frank completely stilled, his eyes rolling back and jaw slackened. He could only appreciate this for a moment before he was also coming, panting against Frank’s shoulder when he finally came to a stop. “Oh my god,” he groaned. “Fuck, that was.. Was that okay?”

Frank nodded numbly, completely limp on the bed. His body was trembling in the afterglow, everything warm and fuzzy and nice inside, but he could feel tears threatening to break loose. Gerard was gently wiping him down when he sniffled, and then there was another one, and his hands flew up to cover his face when the tears started to roll down his cheeks and onto the pillows.

“Frank? Frankie?” Gerard was by his side in seconds. “Shit, Frank, did I hurt you? Are you okay?”

“No, fuck, you didn’t hurt me.” Frank hated the way his voice sounded; garbled and choked, and shook his head again. “Sorry, I’ll just take a minute, I-”

“Hey, don’t.” Gerard lay down beside him and pulled the younger man over to lie on his chest, which only made him cry more. He whispered soothing words, running his fingers along Frank’s scalp. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

“It’s not.. It’s just.” Frank couldn’t even begin to explain the magnitude of what he was feeling. The realisation that he was in love with his best friend. And he hadn’t been in love since Anthony. Since his husband. And here was this beautiful man, inside and out, who had shown up out of nowhere and was teaching him to love again. It was absolutely terrifying and he couldn’t possibly tell him. “I do cry after sex sometimes when I bottom, it’s like.. This big release of emotions for me, you know? And I just.. I care about you a lot, Gerard.” He was fidgeting with his wedding band, twisting it around his finger, and Gerard must have noticed because he was soon holding Frank’s hand, running his thumb over the word ‘Anthony’ on the back of it.

“Tell me about him.”

Frank froze. “Really? Right now?”

“You don’t have to, but I’ve always wondered. You’ve told me bits and pieces but I can’t help but wonder what the man was like that stole your heart.”

Frank turned himself over, still lying on Gerard’s chest but now able to look up into his eyes. “What do you want to know?”

Gerard brushed his thumb under Frank’s eyes, wiping away his tears with a smile. “How did you meet?”

“Oh, well.. He was a musician. Like, a full time one. He did his own solo stuff, wrote the songs and guitar parts himself, and toured with them. He was fucking incredible.” Frank smiled when Gerard started running his fingers through his hair again. “I didn’t know that when I met him, of course, he had a very solid fanbase but he wasn’t very mainstream. His money was the reason I was able to start the shelter, did I ever tell you that? The government gives me money now because I’m a solid charity but I was only able to set it up because he believed in me.” Frank shook his head. “Anyways. I was twenty-one, he was twenty. I saw a poster for those open mic nights, you know, Geoff’s ones. They were all Anthony’s friends first, I think I’ve told you that before. I almost didn’t show up because I was so nervous, but when I walked in the door.. Fuck, he was angelic.” He paused, briefly wondering if it was really okay to be saying all of this to the man that he was currently lying naked with.

“Go on.” Gerard smiled. “Was it love at first sight?”

“I think it might have been.” He laughed uncertainly. “Or lust, at least. His voice.. It was always so sweet, like honey. And he had these piercing blue eyes. When you’re the one he’s watching, you feel incredible. He came straight over to me after he got off the stage and we ended up having sex that night. He was always very forward about what he wanted, the opposite of me. We saw each other for a couple of weeks and then we were dating. We got married at twenty six, adopted Cassie at twenty eight. And then..” He cleared his throat. “Sorry, I don’t want to talk about the end.”

“Of course.” Gerard brought his hand up to his mouth to kiss it. “He sounds really special, Frankie.”

“You would have loved him.” Frank felt more tears trickle from his eyes and made no effort to wipe them. He didn’t need to anyways; Gerard was there. “He was such a good husband, dad, friend.. And he loved very intensely.”

“Like you.”

Frank gulped, licking his bottom lip. “Like me.”

“I’m glad you had someone like him, that you got to have that kind of love in your life.”

“Do you think you’ve ever been in love?”

Gerard scrunched his nose up, shaking his head. “I never let myself look at men enough to fall in love. But I’ve been in love with other things.. Art, music, nature. My brother, my daughter, you. I know what love feels like and I’m content with that.”

Frank’s heart seized but he stayed calm. “We’re lucky to experience any form of love, I think. Some people get nothing.” The conversation was getting to be too much for him, too scary. He might say something he regretted. So he sat up, smiling sweetly at Gerard to let him know that he was okay. “I think it’s about time for that food now, what do you think?”

“Absolutely.”

Chapter Text

“Happy Christmas Eve, dad!” 

Frank turned around from the cookies he was making, a smile spreading across his face when he found his daughter holding out something towards him. It was tradition to wear an ugly Christmas sweater every Christmas Eve and this year Cassie had been adamant about buying his. He held it out and snorted at the cute-ugliness of it. It was bright pink and littered with pug faces.

“Honey, this is both beautiful and horrifying.”

“Exactly. Now put it on.” Cassie was already wearing hers; different shades of green with a giant Santa face on the front, a pompom for a nose. “Erin said they’ll be here soon, need help with the cookies?”

“Yeah, you can help cut them out if you want.” Frank wriggled into his sweater, laughing to himself again. He knew that Gerard would take the piss out of him for it, but he had also told Gerard that he wasn’t allowed inside unless he was wearing one himself.

Their plans had changed a few days prior when Erin got into a particularly heated argument with her mom and decided that she would like to spend Christmas Eve at Cassie’s instead. She had stated that Frank’s food would be much better anyways. So she had been staying with her dad and Gerard seemed to be excited about getting more time with her, even if it was at the cost of her relationship with her mom.

The doorbell rang a while later and Frank quickly instructed his daughter to keep an eye on the cookies while he ran to open it, ignoring Cassie’s remark that they weren’t going to go anywhere if he walked slower. “Hey guys,” he said happily as soon as he opened it, before his smile dropped into suspicion. “Nice sweater.”

“Hm.” Gerard looked back at Erin who was giggling wildly, bouncing on the balls of her feet with glee.

“You guys look so cute," Erin stated happily.

“Just like a real life couple,” Cassie added when they were inside.

“Oh, shut up.” Frank huffed in annoyance before he started laughing. “I can’t believe they got us matching fucking sweaters.”

“Well, mine is blue at least,” Gerard argued, pulling his friend in for a hug. “Merry Christmas, Frankie.”

Frank held him close. “Merry Christmas. I’ve made sugar cookies, want to help me decorate?”

“I hope that’s an open invitation,” Erin piped up. “Because yes please.”

And so they spent the day together in perfect harmony, decorating cookies, watching stupid Christmas movies that they all claimed to hate but secretly loved, drinking hot chocolate when it started to get dark outside. Frank found that he was hoping for this, for more. It felt like having a proper family around him, even if Cassie had always been more than enough for him. He couldn’t help but imagine what life could be like if this was his reality. If Gerard came home from a long day at work to find a home cooked meal already on the table, a boyfriend who was always happy to see him. Something Gerard had never had before. The four of them could have family game nights and spend important days like this together. It was something that Frank had never let himself yearn for after Anthony, but he wanted it now. He really wanted it now.

“Hey, look,” Cassie said suddenly. It was late, they could all feel that they would be going to bed soon, but Elf was almost over and they couldn’t bear to go right before the heartwarming ending.

Frank glanced over at where his daughter was sitting with her best friend on the other sofa. Cassie was pointing above his head. With a frown, he looked up to find a sprig of mistletoe tucked neatly into the light shade. His stomach dropped at the same time that he felt Gerard, who was of course sitting right beside him, look up too. 

He was stuck between scolding the giggling girls, getting up and walking away, and kissing him. They obviously weren’t going to let it go, so maybe he could just give him a quick peck on the cheek. Maybe that would be enough to-

His eyes widened when there was a soft hand holding his chin, tilting his head to the side. Gerard smiled at him, rolled his eyes at the girls, and kissed him. It was soft, and brief, but it was enough to have Frank’s heart stuttering in his chest.

Erin scoffed. “Is that all you’ve got? You guys were having a full on make out fest right there on Halloween and now-” She squealed when a cushion was flung her way, courtesy of Frank.

“I’m not making out with my friend in front of our daughters, thank you very much,” Gerard laughed. 

Cassie sighed. “You have to kiss properly, it’s mistletoe! We’re not even looking at you.”

Frank giggled. “I feel like I’m back in high school.” He glanced at the TV, seeing the credits roll. “Alright, time for bed.”

“You guys are seriously no fun.” Erin sighed dramatically, getting up and grabbing her friend’s arm. “Come on, let’s leave them to it.”

Frank couldn’t look at Gerard when they left. His heart was racing, mouth dry with nerves. Everything felt so much more intense now that he knew how much he loved him. Kissing in front of their daughters like that felt different, it felt.. More official. It fucking terrified him.

“Frankie.” Gerard’s voice was soft when he tilted his head again, forcing him to make eye contact. “We probably should kiss. Could be bad luck, you know?”

Frank managed a smile. “So kiss me, then.”

Gerard did. He held him so tenderly, fingers gentle in his hair as their lips moved as though they were made for each other. Frank cupped his face and rested his forehead against Gerard’s when they pulled apart, eyes closed. “Gee, I-”

They were interrupted by clapping from the doorway, both of their daughters peering in. “Sorry,” Cassie said, clearly not sorry at all. “We just wanted to make sure you did it.”

Frank was blushing, but he laughed it off, standing up from the couch. “Alright, bed.”

“Are you guys sharing one too?”

“No, shut up.”

“But we share a bed and it’s not gay, so-”

“Cassie, can I talk to you, please?”

Cassie followed her dad into his bedroom, laughing at the ‘ooh’ noises both Gerard and Erin were making behind her. “What is it?”

“What are you girls up to? Getting us matching sweaters, the mistletoe, all the questions and comments you’ve both been making all evening.”

“Dad.” Cassie held both of his hands in her own. “I love you with my whole entire heart. You literally mean the whole world to me. But if you and Gerard don’t sit and talk about your feelings, me and Erin are going to force it onto you tomorrow. We’ve already discussed it and nothing you do is going to stop it.”

Frank paled. “Is, uh.. Has Erin said this to Gerard?”

“I'm assuming that she is right now.”

“Jesus, Cas.”

“What? It’s been like.. Four? Five months? And you guys still aren't dating. Which would be fine, you know, if you guys weren't hopelessly in love.”

“We're not..” Frank scoffed. “I'm not..” He softened. “You think he likes me?”

“Oh, dad, you are so blissfully unaware. If dad wasn't so outgoing, you guys never would have gotten together either, would you?” Cassie smiled. “Yeah, he very obviously likes you. And I think you should talk because it's kind of getting ridiculous at this point.” She took his hand, leading him out of the room. “Now, we're going to bed. You better be up early to open presents and start the dinner.”

“Yeah, of course.” Frank was in a haze. “Love you, sweetie.” His eyes found Gerard who was still on the sofa, eyebrows knitted together as he talked to Erin. He felt his stomach drop and shook his head, going into the bathroom to get himself ready. When he came back out again, Gerard was alone. “Hey, uh.. We never really talked about sleeping arrangements. Do you want to stay in my bed or is that weird? Because I can-”

“No, yeah, that's fine. I mean.. I want to, yes.” Gerard smiled awkwardly at him. “Meet you in there?”

“Sure.” Frank walked numbly to his room, stripping down before pulling on pyjama pants and a t-shirt and getting into bed.

Gerard arrived soon after, already in his pyjamas. He quietly got into the bed beside him and turned onto his side to face him, Frank doing the same. They stayed like that, observing each other in the darkness, for a few minutes before either were brave enough to speak.

“Gerard..”

“Frank.’

“I think that we maybe need to talk.”

“You think?” Gerard grinned.

Frank frowned. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Gerard shuffled in closer to him, hand warm on Frank's hip. “I think we've gone way past friends with benefits at this point.”

“How? I.. We.. We've only done what friends with benefits do.”

“I think we've just been using that label as a cover, don't you? We're both afraid for different reasons, both out of marriages for different reasons.. Using that cover felt like we weren't doing anything wrong.”

“But we weren't doing anything wrong.” Frank's voice was soft. “Were we? Are we?”

“Our daughters don't seem to think so. And really, at the end of the day, who's opinion matters more than theirs?”

“Right.” Frank cleared his throat. “Fuck, I.. Gerard, you..” His voice wobbled.

“Hey, it's okay. It's okay.” Gerard kissed his forehead, lingering there for a moment. “It's just me.”

“I love you,” Frank blurted out. He waited for him to withdraw, for panic to flood his expressions, but it didn't. Instead, Gerard only smiled, holding lightly onto his chin as he leaned in to kiss him. Frank exhaled shakily and slung his arms around the other man's neck, kissing him deeper, feeling him everywhere.

Gerard's hands were so soft on him, so careful. “I love you too, Frankie,” he whispered against his lips. “You're everything to me.”

Frank let out the quietest sob, keeping his eyes shut tight. “You said you haven't been in love.”

“I wasn't exactly going to confess my love to you right then, was I?” Gerard laughed. “I was so convinced you wouldn't want me that I just.. I was blind to it.”

“Me too. Fuck, I.. This is hard for me, Gerard. Especially because of Anthony. I know it's been seven years but I..”

“You still love him.” Gerard smiled, brushing his nose against his friend's. “You're always going to love him, Frank. I wouldn't expect any different.”

“It doesn't bother you?” Frank laughed nervously. “I have his fucking name tattooed across my hand.”

“He is always, always going to be a part of you. And I'm always going to encourage that, not ask you to keep it hidden away. You should be talking about him, you should be telling his stories. It's important for you and for Cassie, but also to keep him alive. I'm never ever going to mind that you-” He was cut off by Frank pulling him closer and kissing him, salty tears falling onto his lips as they held each other. “You'll probably need time to adjust to all of this, to-”

“I've been adjusting. For fucking months, since I first saw you.” Frank's words were falling out in a tumble, warbled through the tears. “I thought I just wanted to help you, to make it all better, but it was always more than that. Everyone else could see it. I wanted you but it was fucking terrifying because I haven't wanted anyone since Anthony, not really. Not so completely, like I want you. And you're only barely out of a marriage, as shitty as it might have been, and I should be giving you space to explore, to go out and do all the things you missed out on your whole life.”

“What if I don't want to explore? What if I only want you?”

“Do you?”

“Of course I only want you. I think it's pretty obvious that I have no interest in anyone else.”

“So what are we supposed to do?”

“Date?” Gerard suggested sheepishly. 

“Like.. Officially? You really think you're ready for that after just coming out of a marriage?”

“It’s not like..” Gerard scrunched up his nose, thinking about it. “I’ve already gone through the grieving process of my marriage. Like.. Twenty fucking years ago. I’m not struggling with it or trying to figure out how to cope with that loss, because I already lost so much years ago. I checked out of that marriage a long time ago. My relationship with Erin is the best it’s ever been and I have you. I don’t need any more time. But I understand that you might. And I can wait for you, Frank. Forever, if that’s what you need.”

“Fuck,” Frank whispered. “I really love you, Gerard.”

“Not as much as I love you.” Gerard kissed him softly.

“The girls are gonna have a fucking field day.”

-

Frank woke up on Christmas morning to kisses being peppered all over his face. He pushed it away, groaning out the name of one of his many dogs.

“Rude,” Gerard whispered against his ear, making the younger man’s eyes fly open, breaking out into a lazy grin. “Morning sunshine. The girls are up, they were knocking on the door and telling us to get up.”

“Right.” Frank sat up, stretching his arms out and groaning as they popped. “I love sleeping with you, you’re so cuddly.”

“It’s kind of hard not to be,” Gerard replied easily, planting a quick kiss behind Frank’s ear. “Merry Christmas, Frankie.”

“Mm.” Frank leaned back against him for a moment before getting out of the bed, holding his hand out. “Come on, time for coffee.”

They walked out with their fingers loosely intertwined, neither commenting on it and pretending not to notice when their daughters smirked to themselves about it. They ate breakfast together (like a family) and then both dads watched on as the girls opened their presents.

“I got you something,” Frank said absentmindedly, reaching for one of the last presents left, handing it over. 

“We said no gifts.”

“Yeah, well..” Frank shrugged, his smile turning into a scowl when Gerard handed him over a present too.

“I made it, so it doesn’t really count.” Gerard unwrapped his own present, eyes lighting up when he saw the watch inside. “Oh, Frank, this is so sweet. And way too much.”

Frank wore a silver chain almost every day; a scorpion pendant hanging from it. It was one of many that Cassie had bought him over the years, but that was his favourite. Gerard had complimented it countless times, so he had bought him a watch with a silver scorpion embedded onto the clock face.

“I know how much you love your watches. Now it's like you've got a piece of me.” Frank tapped his necklace, watching Gerard fit the watch around his wrist. “We match.”

“Fitting for best friends,” Gerard joked, gripping Frank's knee. “Thank you, Frankie, you're so thoughtful. Now open yours.”

Frank brightened, carefully tearing off the wrapping paper to find another canvas. “Gee..” 

“That’s the three of your birthstones. And birth flowers.”

“Yeah, I.. Yeah.” Frank’s eyes were running over the paint that Gerard had so meticulously placed to resemble three hands coming in from the sides; his, Anthony’s and, presumably, Cassie’s. Each held a crystal and a flower, fingers brushing against the others in an eternal embrace on the canvas surface.

“I like painting hands, you might have noticed. I thought.. I hope it’s not out of line, I thought maybe you would find some comfort in it. That you'd.. I hope it isn't crossing any lines.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? This is.. Fuck, this..” Frank carefully put it to the side, not caring anymore about anything else but Gerard. He cupped his face, thumbs running over his jawline, and closed the short distance between them to kiss him. “You're so fucking sweet, I love it.”

Gerard kissed him again, hand at the side of his neck. “Good, that's all I want.”

“Are you gonna show us, or what?” Cassie said, breaking them out of their trance.

So Frank held out the canvas, watching as Cassie's eyes widened, then softened. He watched Gerard keeping an eye on her, trying to see if her tears were happy or hurt. He watched as Cassie jumped up to hug him and how Gerard held her back with ease.

They really did feel like a family. It scared him, but it was exhilarating. And when Gerard's hand was back in his again, he decided that it was worth the fear.

Chapter Text

Frank: Hey, you home?

Gerard: Yeah, only just back a little while ago. Everything okay?

Frank: I'm outside, can you let me in?

Frank didn't receive another message. Instead, his boyfriend was opening the front door within minutes, dressed in his usual sweatpants and baggy t-shirt that he opted for after work. It was another one of Frank's t-shirts, one that he must have stolen a couple of weeks ago at Christmas.

“Hey, you okay?” Gerard held his hand, bringing him back into his apartment. “You don't usually show up unannounced.”

“I, uh..” Frank started pacing, shaking his hands out as he did. “I did something big today and I'm kind of.. I just needed to see you.”

“Yeah? Okay.” Gerard leaned against the counter of his kitchen, watching the shorter man go back and forth. He had seen Frank in so many different situations at this point that he knew it was better to just let him do what he needed to do. “What was it?”

Frank came to a halt beside him, eyes flickering back and forth between his before he held out his hands. “I took off my ring.”

“Oh shit.” Gerard held Frank's hands so tenderly, running his fingers over the spot where the ring had always been. It was a lighter colour than the rest of his sun-tanned hands, a permanent band around his finger. “Are you.. Shit, are you okay?”

Frank nodded, squeezing Gerard's hands and stepping closer to him. “I had to do it. For you, I.. I had to.”

“Jesus, no, you absolutely don't.” Gerard shook his head. “I told you, Frankie. You don't need to do anything like that, I would never ask you to.”

“But I needed to. This doesn't mean I'm leaving him in the past, it just means that I'm opening myself up more for you, because that's what I want. You're all I want.”

Gerard's next exhale was shaky. “I don't mind sharing your heart, Frankie. That's never been a problem for me.”

“But you're not sharing, not how you're thinking anyways.” Frank cupped Gerard's jaw, shaking his head with a smile. “My heart broke when he died, but that doesn't mean it's in pieces. It doesn't mean that I have to try to decide who gets what parts of it. My heart is whole and both of you own all of it at once. I can love him and remember him for what he was, but I can also be present here, with you. And give you my all.”

“Frank..”

“I love you, Gerard. With everything I have. I'm yours.”

Gerard gulped back whatever he was going to say, his heart beating wildly when Frank's hand came down to his neck, pulling him in closer. Their lips moved against each other without having to give it a second thought, both of them holding on so carefully, so sweetly.

“I love you too,” Gerard whispered against him. “And I.. I'm yours too, Frankie. You know that, right? I want.. Fuck, I want to give you all of me too.” His knees wobbled, Frank's hands so certain on his neck and jaw. “Frankie, I.. I want you to fuck me.” His breath hitched when Frank's eyes widened. “Not like.. It doesn't have to be now, but I want you to know that I'm ready. That's all I have left to give to you and I want it.”

“You don't ever have to give that to me if it's not something you're interested in.” Frank brushed his nose against his boyfriend's. “I know it must be scary to think about.”

“No, I want it. I've thought about it since our first kiss, I know it's what I want.” Gerard smiled nervously. “Just.. If you do, at some point, decide that you also want to.”

“What if..” Frank whispered, watching him carefully. “I wanted it right now?”

Gerard visibly gulped, nodding quickly. “I.. Yeah, okay.”

“I kind of came here hoping that I'd tell you about the ring and we'd be all loved up and end up fucking.” He grinned when Gerard rolled his eyes. “But I had thought it would be you fucking me, obviously. So it's up to you, Gee. Whatever you want.”

“No, I.. Yeah, please fuck me.” Gerard laughed when Frank grabbed his hand and took him to the bedroom. “What do I have to do?”

“You? You just lie there and look pretty, sweetheart. I'll be doing all the work.” Frank noticed his blush and smiled. “I'm going to be so careful with you, I promise.” He was undressing the older man as he talked. “It won't hurt. You can stop me at any time and we can even switch it around so you can fuck me instead if you change your mind.”

“Thank you, Frankie.” Gerard's blush travelled down to his chest once he was lying on the bed, stripped of all his clothes.

Frank stripped himself down, wanting to keep Gerard as comfortable as possible. He knelt between his legs, hands gentle on his thighs as he took him in. “You're fucking angelic, Gee. I seriously can't believe that I get to be here with you.” He leaned over him, kissing across his collarbone and hearing Gerard's breathing stutter under his touch. “You have no idea how excited I am to open you up with my fingers. Maybe even more than actually fucking you.”

Gerard's breath hitched, hand in Frank's hair. “If it's anything as good as you made it sound like before, then me too.”

Frank held up his hands, wiggling his fingers as he giggled. “Guitarist fingers, remember?”

“Fuck,” Gerard breathed out. “Frankie..”

“I know.” Frank leaned over him again, kissing him softly and feeling Gerard's cock fill out underneath him. That made him groan, wrapping a hand around both of their cocks together and pulling gently, making Gerard gasp into his mouth, letting him sneak his tongue inside.

Gerard tucked his feet over over Frank's ankles, holding him in place as he grabbed onto his hips. Frank's tongue was all over the inside of his mouth, exploring and groaning as he worked their cocks together.

“Please,” He eventually begged, worried that Frank would get too into it and wouldn't give him what he wanted. “Frank, please. Want to feel you.”

Frank grinned. “You know I love it when you ask nicely.” He grabbed the lube, squirting a good amount down over Gerard's hole and watching for a moment as it dripped onto the sheets below. “Fucking hell, you're so gorgeous. Here, give me a pillow.” He slipped it under his boyfriend's lower back, supporting him as comfortably as he could. “Ready?”

“Yeah, shit, just.. Please.”

Frank carefully slipped one finger inside, moving it in and out so slowly, letting Gerard adjust to this new sensation. “No pain?”

“No, none.” Gerard giggled, cheeks heating up. “I can't believe you're.. Yeah.”

Frank smiled right back at him, leaning down to press a soft kiss in the crease between his hip and thigh, nuzzling against his warm skin. And then he pushed in a second finger, still moving so slow. This was more of a stretch, he could feel it when Gerard moved around him, gasping at the intrusion. “I know, baby. Just let me know if it hurts.”

“Mm.” Gerard's hands were fisting at the bedsheets, his eyes shut.

“Gee? You've gotta relax or it might hurt. I'm not going to do anything that's going to hurt you, alright? It only might if you're tense, that's the only way.” Frank smiled reassuringly at him. “Want me to distract you in another way? I can blow you while I do it.”

“No.” Gerard shook his head firmly, breathing harshly through his nose. “Want to feel it, Frank.. Feel you. I know you're not gonna hurt me, I don't know why I'm so nervous. I think I'm just scared of letting you down.”

“That is literally impossible.” Frank was still moving his fingers, only barely pushing them past the first knuckle every time. His fingers were thick so he knew to take it slow. “I'm the one doing all the work here, remember? All you have to do is look pretty and enjoy it.”

Gerard laughed breathlessly. “Right. Okay.”

“Okay, good.” Frank could already feel him loosening up, which meant that he could push his fingers in further without hurting him. Which meant that he could..

“Oh my fucking god.” Gerard's eyes flew open and locked onto Frank's as he cried out, finally experiencing what it felt like to have his prostate touched. His back arched when Frank focused only on that spot, rubbing it over and over with his calloused fingertips. His legs were trembling wildly, his jaw hung slack as his eyes fell shut once again, incoherent mumbles falling past his glistening lips.

Frank watched all of this with a hunger evident in his blown-out pupils, pushing a third finger in now that he was relaxed even more. He scissored them, moved them in and out, pushed them in deep, but all the time they moved against his prostate, rendering Gerard completely useless as he lay there trying to catch his breath.

“You have no idea how beautiful you look right now.” Frank's voice was gravelly, low. “So angelic, so beautiful. I could watch you like this forever.”

“Please,” Gerard choked out. “Need.. Too close, Frankie. Wanna come with you inside me. Want..” He sobbed when Frank removed his fingers. “Jesus, fuck.”

“Yeah,” Frank agreed, rolling a condom onto his leaking cock. “Spread your legs more for me, sweetheart. We're gonna take this slow until you're ready.”

Gerard complied, then groaned when he felt Frank pressing against his hole. “Please,” he begged. “Fucking need you, Frankie.”

Frank loved seeing him like this, completely debauched and desperate for him. He nodded, more to himself than anything, and pushed in carefully. They took it as slow as they needed it; Frank consistently checking in and Gerard gasping every time he moved further inside, filling him up even more. Eventually, they got a rhythm going and both of them moaned in unison when Frank first pushed back in faster than the other thrusts. And soon he was doing it again and again, Gerard's legs wrapped around him as he begged for him to go harder, please, right there.

Frank couldn't stop himself from biting at Gerard's chest, licking over the collecting sweat, sucking sweet bruises into his collarbones. His boyfriend was whimpering underneath him, hips moving up to meet almost every thrust. 

Gerard was trembling all over, his cock aching between them. He grasped at Frank's shoulders, looking into his eyes in a desperate lust-induced haze. “Love you, Frankie, love you so much. Please, I need.. Need to come.”

“Yeah, you can come, angel.” Frank moved up, pushing Gerard's legs back as far as they would comfortably go, opening him up wider and causing them both to moan pathetically. “That's it, baby. That's it, fuck, wanna feel you come around me.”

“Frank,” Gerard gasped; back arching, hands fisting at the sheets below. He came hard, all over his stomach without anyone touching his cock. Frank fucked him through it and then pulled out, making him groan. “No,” he choked out. “Finish in me, want-"

“I'm not pushing your body any further than that.” Frank had a hand around his cock and was fisting it wildly, leaning against Gerard's knee and staring up at him.

Gerard was panting, coming down from the high. He shivered under his gaze, lips parted. “You're so hot, Frankie. Want to watch you come.” 

Frank groaned, turning his head to the side to kiss Gerard's knee, before biting down on it when he finally came over his own hand, gasping at how intense it was. He wanted to curl up beside him, but knew he had to clean them up. It wasn't like Gerard would be able to help right now. Grinning, Frank pulled himself up and found his t-shirt, using it to badly wipe them off before falling down with a grunt beside his sweaty boyfriend.

“We're gonna need a shower,” he mumbled against his skin.

“Not yet.” Gerard put his hand at the back of Frank's head, holding him there against his neck.

“Mm,” Frank agreed, nuzzling against him, arm slung over his stomach and leg over his thighs. “Was that okay? Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah,” Gerard said in a light voice. “Yeah, that was fucking incredible. But what do we do now? You said you usually top but I.. I liked fucking you too.”

“We switch,” Frank said easily. “Whatever we're feeling in the moment, there's never any pressure.”

Gerard kissed the top of his head, smiling against it. “Okay. Yeah, that sounds good.”

“So are we gonna shower together or..”

Gerard laughed. “You'll need to give me a few more minutes.”

“That, I can do.”

Chapter Text

*5 years later*

Frank was in the kitchen when he heard the jingle of keys outside the front door before it opened and shut softly, the distinct sound of it locking following suit. He smiled, leaning froward against the counter as he wiped his hands against the apron he was wearing. His very veins were thrumming with excitement, heart pounding so hard that he was afraid it might escape.

But then there were arms around his waist and a comforting kiss placed on the side of his neck and all of his previous jitters dissipated as he melted back against his boyfriend.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Gerard said against his skin, kissing his neck again. Frank had recently cut his hair short and Gerard had been loving having easy access to his neck and all the tattoos there. ‘What's all this?”

“Dinner,” Frank replied, turning around in his grip to face him, heart stuttering as it always did when he was met with those adoring eyes. “Your favourite.”

“What's the special occasion?”

“I love you, isn't that enough?”

Gerard grinned. “That's your excuse every time you make me dinner. Which is like six days out of the week.”

“Because someone still hasn't learned how to cook,” Frank giggled, gently escaping from his arms to untie his apron and bring the food over to the table that he had already set. He had considered going all out with candles and making it as romantic as possible, but then Gerard would know something was up. So he settled for a single candle in the middle of the table. “How did it go today? Did your boss like your concept?”

“Yeah, he loved it.” Gerard sat himself down, thanking Frank for the food. “So much that he wants to talk to me separately next week. He thinks maybe we can make an actual comic from it, not just a strip.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Frank's eyes were wide. “Holy shit, Gee, that's.. I'm so proud of you!”

“It's not a definite.” Gerard tried to shrug it off but he couldn't hide his smile. “But it's promising and I'm happy. How was Cassie's exam today? I didn't get a chance to call her.”

Frank smiled over the top of his fork, laden with food. “She thinks it went okay, but you know she's always hard on herself.”

“She’ll probably get an A, just like every other one.” Gerard laughed. “I'm still putting my money on her being valedictorian.”

“Oh, absolutely. And Erin will call her a nerd but she'll be there, like always.”

“I can't believe they're almost finished college, I feel so old.”

They ate and then drank wine, their conversations as easy as always. Frank was gazing at Gerard with pure adoration evident in his eyes and Gerard looked back just the same. Nothing about that had changed over their five years together, even when Gerard had moved in for the last three of those. It was easy to love each other; as easy as breathing.

It wasn't until they were onto their second glass that Frank stood up on shaky legs. He moved so fast the the chair scraped across the floor, making Gerard's eyebrows raise. “Gee, I..”

Gerard watched him carefully. “Yes?”

“I have something for you.” Frank grabbed the canvas from where he had carefully hidden it away earlier. It wasn't wrapped, and he kept it facing at himself when he took tentative steps towards Gerard. “You've always shown me your love through your art, putting everything onto canvases that you know I cherish so much.” He was staring right into his eyes, seeing the nerves there. “I'm not an artist, but.. I had some help. I made this with Erin and Cassie.” And so he handed it over.

Gerard's eyes widened instantly. The canvas was painted a light red (his favourite colour) and there were doodles all over it with markers. Three separate colours, each one he knew could be traced back to the people he loved the most in the world, but it was what was written in the middle that had him paling, heart beating considerably in his chest.

Will you marry me?

Frank got down onto his knees, propping one up and giggling nervously when they cracked in protest. “Gerard-”

“Frank-”

“Hey, let me do this.” Frank was nervous, of course he was, but he also had no doubt in his heart for what the answer would be. “Gerard.” He cleared his throat. “I've always felt like we were destined to meet. You know I believe that everyone has more than one soulmate out there in the world, but you're one of mine. You very quickly became my everything and that's never faltered, even in all the time we've been together.” His voice wobbled but he laughed through it, watching Gerard purse his lips, his own eyes watering. “I love how you create art like your life depends on it, I love the relationship you have with your daughter. I love the work you've put in to gain Cassie's trust and everything you did for her after that. I love how you make me feel like I'm the only person in the world, like I'm all you've ever wanted. I've never doubted that with you, I've always known how you felt about me, even when I wasn't sure at the beginning. You know I do everything intensely, but my love for you is part of that. I love you with my whole heart, Gerard. I told you that five years ago and I'll tell you again now that my whole heart belongs to you.” He squeezed Gerard’s knee at the sight of the first tear falling down his cheek. “It doesn't have to be official, it doesn't have to be some big thing. It can even just be us and the girls, but I want to marry you. I'm already committed to you, but I want to take it as far as we can go. So, Gee..” He pulled the ring out from his jeans, opening up the small black box to hold it out. “Will you marry me?”

Gerard made a soft noise at the back of his throat, grabbing Frank's face to pull him up into a kiss. The younger man ended up awkwardly straddling his lap, but neither of them cared. They were only focused on the kiss. “Yes, fuck, yes . I love you so much, Frank.”

Frank laughed, the sound watery through all his joyful tears as he slipped the ring onto his boyfr- fiancé's finger. “Fuck, I've been so nervous about this.”

“You thought I'd say no?”

“God no, but there's always a chance. You know?” Frank peppered kisses all over his face, settling more comfortably in his lap.

Gerard looked at the ring, shaking his head. “You came into my life when I needed you most. And you just clung right on, you wouldn't even budge.. Not that I wanted to. You reconnected me with my brother, you gave me a family in both him and you.. You helped me with Erin, and through the divorce.” He looked up at him, features soft with wonder. “I've loved you all along, Frank. And I promise I'm going to love you forever.”

Frank kissed him softly, smiling as he did. “I have one more thing to show you.”

“Well, it can't be better than that.”

“Maybe.. Maybe not.” Frank shrugged and jumped up from his lap to wiggle out of his t-shirt, dropping it to the floor and pointing at a spot right over his heart. In between his other tattoos, in a bold italic script, Frank had gotten another tattoo. This one simply said ‘ Gerard ’. “You're kind of stuck with me now. Forever.”

Geeard stood up slowly, eyes wide as he approached him. “You fucking didn't.”

“I told you I would.”

“I thought you were joking , we'd only been dating for a few weeks at that point.”

“I already knew by then.” Frank's breath hitched when Gerard ran his fingers just underneath it, knowing not to touch the new tattoo.

“It's..” Gerard shook his head again. “It's beautiful, Frankie, I don't know what to say.”

Frank slung his arms around the taller man's neck. “Just tell me that you want to marry me again.”

Gerard grinned, holding onto Frank's hips to press a lingering kiss on his neck. “I absolutely want to marry you, more than anything.”

“Mm. And tell me you love me.”

Gerard kissed him, his tongue flicking out to dart over Frank's lips, the younger man's mouth opening to let him in. He pulled away after only a taste. “I love you so, so much.”

Frank's eyes were glistening with mischief, his breathing ragged. “And maybe fuck me, just to seal the deal.”

“Oh, is that how they do it now?”

Frank pretended to be serious, eyebrows furrowing. “Yeah, that's what I heard.”

“We should probably do it then.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Frank let himself be led to their bedroom, a warm hand in his own. He would always have a hand to hold now, a shoulder to cry on, someone to tell all of his deepest thoughts to. He never thought he would be capable of loving someone so completely again, but here he was; living with his new fiancé in a house where his ex-husband's portraits still hung proudly in the halls, and always would. Their daughters were already best friends before and the switch to sisters made no difference to them, both of them beyond happy that their dads had fallen in love. 

When Frank was being pushed back onto the bed with his future-husband leaning over him, he felt tears prick at his eyes.

He was complete. 

After all those years of heartache and pain, he had found someone to kiss the tears away, to give him everything he had thought was lost forever.

And he would never take that for granted.