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heavenly bodies make the devil a little uncomfortable by valariansmith
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
03 Oct 2025
Tags
Summary
In which Tav sells her soul for the Orphic Hammer, and in which Raphael has no fucking clue how to seduce her. (Haarlep, however, does.)
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Haarlep quirked a brow. “According to her, you compared her to a dog right before buying her soul. Not the most romantic of gestures, I’ll have you know. She thinks you find her unattractive.”
“Ridiculous,” Raphael huffed, “I’ve been flirting with her relentlessly!”
“How, exactly? Enlighten me.”
“I very visibly check her out every single time we meet. And she’s been flirting back, sauntering away from me seductively when it comes time for us to part.”
“So she walks away from you, and you look at her.”
“That, but sexily. Surely that counts for something!”
Haarlep shook his head, dismayed. “Gods above, you’re absolutely hopeless. If you want to have her, we’ll need to work on your charisma - or, more accurately, your lack thereof.”
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all of raphael's rizz goes down the drain when he wants to get laid. haarlep literally fucks raphaels crush and makes him feel every moment of it. i had a lot of fun with this fic if you couldnt tell