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Chapter Text

Shock - denial - anger - bargaining - depression - testing- acceptance.

Shock - denial - anger - bargaining - depression - testing…

Shock - denial - anger - bargaining - depression…

Shock - denial - anger - bargaining…

Shock - denial - anger…

SHOCK.

DENIAL.

ANGER. A whole lot anger. And that’s it.

He knew he had to move forward. For his friends, for his village, maybe for himself too. Shikamaru would have wanted that. He would have wanted him to move forward. To become the Hokage, to marry a regular girl who’s not super pretty or super ugly, have two kids, a girl then a boy, retire when his daughter get married and his son became a successful ninja and spending the rest of his day just…

"Playing shogi " He couldn’t stop the uncontrollable sobs running through him. Like a water drop falling, who creates a dent, a hole and finally an abyssal void, shikamaru’s death was eating at him. Still. Years after.

And he’s trying. He is genuinely trying. But he can’t anymore. The pill is even harder to swallow now knowing his feelings. He had been so naive. Shikumura had been in the back of his mind for years. Always there, always a constant. Never looking down on him. Treating him like a human, even before he had to prove to the world that he was one and deserved to be treated as such. And way before anyone, shika actually believed in him.

He could have spent so much more time with him. But he was too busy chasing after Sasuke. Chasing after someone who didn’t want to come back. As much as he loved his friend, now older, wiser and more depressed than ever, he regretted it. Spending all his teen years chasing him when he could have spent more time with Shika at the village. But now it’s in the past and never to be changed.

The more he thought the less he could breathe. He felt like there was no air for him to exhale, his heart hammering in his chest, black spots obstructing his vision. Then he passed out.

He woke up the day after, knowing damn well that he was going down hill. Those episodes where his usual. Sakura tried everything to help, therapy, meditation, medication, nothing worked. And he could see the worry grow on his friends face. In the way they treated him like a ticking bomb, and he was.

Because if he wasn’t feeling numb, he was angry. Angry at the world, at himself, at time. Every single cellules of his body scathing. If he hadn’t been in a friendly relationship with Kurama, he could have been a serious danger to the inhabitants of the village. Iruka sensei had to lecture him a couple of times about being a so called hands on Hokage. Since he was the pillar of the village and couldn’t afford for his security to be compromised.

But he needed this. The bone-crushing fatigue was helping him get some sleep. It helped him blow some steam. Or he would have imploded a long time ago.

But if he dared to show more cracks, everybody would panic. And that’s the last thing he wanted. He was the 7th Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, he couldn’t afford to fall apart. So he put on a smile, he is the people’s happy go lucky Hokage-sama. He was Naruto Uzumaki, the hero of war. He said that he was okey, his smile even brighter. The Sun of Konoha like Gaara liked to call him.

At this point he didn’t know if nobody wanted to address the stunted healing in the room or he just got that good at faking.

He entered his office, then sat down. For how long he didn’t know.
"Hokage-sama". Sasuke called.
"Come on, you can just say Naruto when it’s the too of us" He smiled.
"Hokage-sama, there is no sign of disruptions near the village. Petty thieves or bandits are nothing a group of Genin or a Chûnin can’t take care of."

This. Here it was again. This distance. He thought once he had Sasuke back, everything would have come back to normal. But what was the norm? The bickering going on when they were children? So much things have happened between Sasuke parting and the Fourth Great Ninja war. Water under the bridge, they grew apart. And their differences were more jarring when he came back. He had his own experiences, Sasuke had his too.

And it wasn’t just sasuke. Beside Kakashi sensei, Iruka sensei, surprisingly Lee and Chouji. His friends are more like acquaintances now. He was not Naruto anymore, he was the Hokage. And they just implicitly decided that he was ‘too much’ to hang out with. He thought maybe they were all busy and it’s normal. They are adults with a busy life but no. He was the only one not invited.

They said he was surely busy. But he would have worked even more to be able to spend time with them. As sad as he was, he still wanted to spend time with his friends. He didn’t want to be so lonely.

He still spend time with Kakashi, even if it was sharing silence. Just his presence was soothing. Same with Iruka sensei, or chouji and Lee. He loved spending time with them. They trauma bonded over loss and ate ramen together every two Tuesday.

Anyway, he looked at sasuke."good." He closed the door after himself.

He looked at the picture of Team 7 then at the picture he took with Shikamaru at Ichiraku when they were younger and sighed.

" I miss you " And again he could feel his lungs tighten, the air becoming scarce. So he tried to breathe. Not to avail. He’s feeling dizzy. Again. He wants to vomit. Did he eat today? He felt like something pulling him, then nothing….

Chapter Text

Was he… dead? It can’t be. He could still hear from a far away place, Kurama frantically calling his name.

He still had so much to do as the Hokage.

What about the new regulations at the academy? He wanted to make Iruka sensei the director, he gave so much of himself for his student and for the institution.

What about the truce between the villages? They indeed reach a state of peace after the war, common enemy and all that jazz. But through time, ripples started to show after the villages got back on their feet. And he was heavily conscious of the fact that his presence alone was a rampart beetwin peace and their bubbling ambitions. What will come of that ?

What about the new train rail project?

What about Kakashi sensei? Iruka sensei? Konohamaru? Lee? Chôji ?

Who’s going to keep company to Ayame on late nights?

Who’s going to buy all of Ino’s flowers on a whim?

Keep company too Lee on his darkest night?

Make Gai sensei laugh out loud when Kakashi sensei was on a mission and he could feel his phantom pain creeping up all at once ?

Who’s going to take care of the framed picture of Shikamaru in his home office? It needed to be dusted every three days. He needed to go to his grave to change the flowers before they fade. Will somebody change them for him?
He wanted begonias this time. Shika would have hated those.

He still had so m… wait? It wasn’t so bad. In some place, in the afterlife maybe he’ll meet Shika or his parents. Dying doesn’t seem that bad now.

But when did he ever get this kind of chance ?
Never. At least that’s what he thought.

His whole body was painful. He could hear bribs of sentences and almost taste the pungent smell of alcohol. He’s not a big drinker nor does he know one.

"You little shit. If you don’t have any money to pay don’t come near my shop!"

Huh? It’s been a while since he’s been talked to this way. Who on the village would talk to him…WHY WAS THIS MAN SO TALL?

"Excuse me.." he tried.
"NO EXCUSES! There is nothing you could say to make your existence forgiven! What an abomination!"

Now, WHY WAS HE SO TINY? So feeble? He looked at his hands. Cute little? Hands?
"What the…"

Okay he needed a moment cause he doesn’t feel his lungs at all. He ran in a small alley instinctively to manage his episode. He just needed to go somewhere dark. In the shadows, that’s where he needed to be, where he felt safe.

Still, this was out of hands. He thought he finally died, overwhelmed and overworked. But he was there, looking really tiny in a dirty alleyway, in a familiar dirty alleyway. From where he was he could see the four hokage’s heads, tsunade, Kakashi and his, nowhere to be seen. It’s not reassuring, at all.

He can feel his breath quicken.
"No. Not now"
He needs control. He doesn’t know what is happening. He doesn’t know where he his. Is he under a genjustsu? He needs control. He needs control. He can’t afford to…

"Naruto?"

And like this voice was the last straw, he was caught in another frenzy. His head was spiraling, His breath short. His heart was hurting. And he passed out. Again.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was the sky. Blue. Peaceful. He could hear the birds singing.

"You're in the past" Kurama said in his mindscape.
"He can’t be…"he whispered. Overly aware of the unfamiliarity he felt moving his limbs.

"Naruto?" He heard HIS voice, for a second time. If it was a «see your life flash in front of your eyes» situation, he officially hated it.
"Hey! Shrimp i am telling you that you’re not dead! I did not disappear!" Kurama said, frustration clear in his voice.

If it was true then…

"What a drag man. Where is Chouji when I need him?"
He could hear the other whisper.
He wanted to cry, scream, or probably both. But he refrained from doing so.

"Shikamaru" he called tentatively, cringing a little bit at his own voice, a child voice, accompanied by a break typical of the aftermath of his episodes.

"Man you sound wrecked."Shikamaru said. And he felt wrecked. He was in the past. How did it happen? Why did it happen? Did his desperate pleas reach a bored god who decided to humor him?

Whatever it is, he is thankful. Even if it’s some kind of dream or an illusion, he is thankful. Even if he had to live again all the horrors of his life he his thankful. Because Shikamaru is there, and well.

"How old are you?"he asked Shikamaru.
"I’m 9 years old, like most children of our promotion. Did you hurt your head when you fell?"

9 years old. It was an eternity ago. He was not even a Genin yet. He was an airhead at that time, full of yearning. Yearning for recognition, friends, parents, a better home, an emotional connection to anything that wasn’t jiji-san.

He looked at Shikamaru’s face, unbothered as ever, unburdened of the years of fighting and the consecutive losses. Just his lovable lazy genius.

He was certain it was an illusion. Still…

"Do you want to go eat ramen with me ?" He asked.
"Pfff. Yeah… I guess"

He could feel himself being revitalized. Like a flower, he was basking in the sun. Taking in anything he could. So for the first time after a long time, he genuinely smiled.

"Are you sure you can walk ? I mean…"

He could feel all the bruises on his body. But he knew that Kurama would do the work. Moreover, nothing in the world could stop him from hanging out with Shika. So they stood up and headed for Ichiraku.

Chapter Text

Shikamaru was having an uneventful weekend. And he liked it like that... He played Shogi with his dad yesterday while his mom was trying to «ignite the Will of Fire within him», he should probably tell her that all this talk was in fact pouring water on it, but it would be tiring and she would just scream louder. He spent time with Choji all day and now he was going back home.

Unfortunately, due to an accident the road was congested, making passage difficult for him at his height. He decided to take another way for once. He didn't want to take 30 minutes to go through this when he could take another path.

"Huuh... huh..." he heard a little sound in the corner. He wondered if it was a cat, or a little dog in distress. Then, he realized that it was actually a choking sound and it didn't boad anything good.

It was too much work for him to take care of this situation so he decided to tell an adult. He accosted a young lady and asked her for her help, which she kindly provided. The two of them approached the alleyway and he has to admit that what he saw was quite disturbing. He felt the lady next to him, take a step back before murmuring something.

On the corner was his friend (?) Naruto. They hung out from time to time after school, and he found the boy too loud, hyperactive and his pranks too troublesome to do but enjoyable to witness. What he saw in front of him, was contrary to anything he believed Naruto was. In place of his usual cheeky grin was one of the most heartbreaking expression he've seen in his little life.

His friend looked so... fragile. He was curled up in a corner, his pupils wide, his hands painfully tight in his hair and his breath ragged. On top of this, he was trembling all over, and if he said that this scene didn't alter the chemistry of his brain, he was lying to himself.

"The monster" he heard the girl say, her tone venomous, a sneer now more obvious on her face.
"Stop. If you're not going to help go on your way instead of insulting children" he countered.
"That is no child"she said as she walked away.

He contemplated what to do for a couple seconds, before slowly uttering Naruto's name. He watched his the blonde freeze. Before looking completely enable to breath in.
"That's dangerous" he whispered to himself.

He awkwardly got closer, his voice a bit firmer but still trying to keep his tone and posture laid back.
"Naruto" and as if his off button has been pressed, he fainted.

He absolutely didn't know what to do. Should he bring him to the hospital ? To his home? Maybe run back to Choji's to ask help from Chôza-san?

Since he didn't look injured anywhere, he settled on bringing Naruto somewhere safe and calm. "Nara's forest then" he said. There was a long road ahead.

And long, she was.

Since he was born a clan's heir, scrutiny wasn't exactly a concept foreign to him. But nothing prepared him to the almost palpable pressure of the glares he received carrying Naruto. Mostly coming from civilians, but, he could sense the probing gazes of the shinobis they passed by, some even visibly staring. And the whispers, damn the whispers.

He knew Naruto wasn't particularly well liked in the village because of his rashness and the ridiculous pranks he pulls on almost daily basis, but they couldn't possibly be more than mildly annoying for normal adults and a bit frustrating for a lambda shinobi. Nothing enough to warrant this poisonous surveillance.

On the other hand, he was surprised by how light Naruto was. He thought he would have to put more effort than that to lift a person of the same age. His academy classmate always seemed larger than life, it made it difficult to associate the fragile body and the soft inhalations in the back of his neck to him.

When he arrived at the Nara compound, there was no hateful glares directed toward him or Naruto but the careful examination he became subject to was extremely unwanted.

He settled with the blonde in a glade he liked to watch the clouds. The trees where of particularly bright green, the stream nearby provided a nice and calm background, and there was a muguets scented breeze passing by. He would have been asleep in a matter of minutes if he wasn't in the situation he was now.

After sitting down, he took the time to actually watch his-somewhat-friend, not just gloss over him as he normally does. He didn't like what he remarked. The scratches and bruises littering Naruto's body under his clothes, the tattered ends of those same clothes, the nearly bony fingers, that spoke of constant hunger but not malnourishment, yet.

A sliver of something made it's way around his heart. Concern, he concluded after mulling over it for a couple seconds. That's troublesome. He spent the following minutes analyzing every interactions he ever had with Naruto.

The whiskered was as loud and boastful as humanly possible. Dead last but still proclaiming that he'll be the Hokage every chances he get. Too extroverted and energetic for him to handle on daily basis but not enough to not hang out with him from time to time. They had this whole tentative friendship going on between them.

He wanted to cuss out loud. Some genius he was, who couldn't figure out if someone he saw on the daily was masking. Because after seeing the unimaginable fear and panic in Naruto's eyes, the amount of pressure he was under, he was convinced that the blonde was masking, everyday. No normal child could handle that, and no adults seemed to have picked up on any of this.

After seeing a bruise on Naruto's calf, he wondered if he should go search for an ointment. He wondered out loud where was Choji.

His train of thoughts were interrupted by his classmate steering. He opened his clear blue eyes, before looking dazed and saying something inaudible under his breath. He looked like he was in pain for a moment then seamlessly masked, Shikamaru concluded.

"Shikamaru" he heard the whiskered say, in a tiny, broken voice that made Naruto himself cringe a bit.

"Man you sound wrecked." He caught himself saying without being able to control it. He facepalmed himself in his head, unable to do so now without breaking his usual relaxed attitude.

"How old are you?" Naruto asked him. He raised an eyebrow, a bit surprised by the question and answered. After thinking for a little while, his classmate stared at him almost inquisitively, as if searching for something.

Then asked if they could go get ramen. He accepted instantly. And the whiskered smiled. Like he just gave him the most important information of his life.

Wether the smile was real or not, he didn't know. But if it was, he wanted Naruto to smile like this forever because right at this moment, he was intrigued.

Chapter Text

After wandering around the village with Shikamaru, Naruto felt more lighter than he ever felt in the last years. Well, it also had a lot to do with seeing Ichiraku alive and eating a good bowl of ramen in front of Ayame free of her grief, young and happy again. 

He felt a bit out of place, out of his own body almost, every objects effectively out of the reach registered in his head. But he was nothing but adaptable. That's how he got to where he was. And his imperceptible clumsy movements where a reminder of his situation. The ramen were a bit too good to be an illusion. 

He was on his way home when he saw two tall shinobis eyeing him carefully in front of the house of function of the Hokage which made him realize that it was currently not his. 

He did a 180 to his little apartment, if we could call it such. He used to think that he loved this place. It took him losing Jiraiya, Tsunade, the disappearing of his village, twice, a whole war and Shikamaru's death to admit out loud that he loathed this place. The quiet quiets, the jarring noises of the bar downstairs, the lingering smell of powder during the weekend,  the lingering smell of the garbage heaps, the lingering clatters of bold villagers trying to introduce themselves in his home, for reasons he ignored at that time. Just... the lingering solitude in the walls. 

He couldn't stand it, that's why he was loud all  the time. Because the silence constantly reminded him of his loneliness. Everybody's house was bustling with laughters, cries, or any type of noises typical of a well lived house. Drastically different from the hollowness living in his walls. He loathed this place. 

He climbed the stairs practically laughing at the insults written on the walls. For him. For a 9 years old boy. He sometimes contemplated about the absurdity of his situation in his office. The most hated person in the village became the Hokage. Did it ever occurred to them that they could have created their worse enemy? He could have swept the rug under their feet when he took the mantle from Kakashi sensei. What did they know? He could have been a tyrant. Konoha is a shinobi village first and foremost. 

He felt like being the Hokage this time around, again, out of pure spite, and make life very difficult for them, especially after reading the joyous words written on the door of his apartment. For a child. A 9 years old boy to read. He was not as kind and faint of heart as he used to be. War hardens you. Life steels you. And in his case, she did steal him a lot. She should be in jail. For life. At the hand of what she reserves to others. 

Anyway, he entered and frowned. It looked way worse now that he knew what a decent home looked like. It was little, dirty, run down and far from anything that could be acceptable for a child to live in, much different from the luxury he has grown accustomed to, but it will do. 

"Now that we're here" he heard Kurama start in their shared mind scape, "open the seal, cause I feel crumpled up in here". Naruto acquiesced.
"Give me just some time to seal the place. We wouldn't want Hanbu to flood here thinking it's broken" 

He took the time to find paper and ink to draw the seal, in less than a minute it was done. He placed it at the center of the room and felt his muscles immediately relax. The familiar mix of his and Kurama's chakra enveloping the walls like a nest. He breathed in. Then tried to breath out. He breathed in and tried again. His breaths never coming to an end without cuts. 

"Come on" he heard Kurama whispers. So he cried. Like he never let himself do for months. Loud, messy, heart wrenching, like a child.

He eventually cried himself to sleep on the ground of his apartment. 

He woke up a couple of hours later and felt a bit silly for crying like this. But well, it was needed. As an Hokage he learned to bottle up quite well and release it at once every other months. It was long overdue, without taking the whole time travel gig into account. 

The time travel was real. With Kurama reassuring him over and over that it was all true during his little breakdown, he was convinced. This wasn't a illusion jutsu, he was nine again, Konoha was well, the shinobi war didn't happen, sasuke, none of this. Shikamaru was there. Tiny, yes but there.

 He was euphoric and scared at the same time. He wanted to interfere in Madara plan but what if his actions rushed him and the war happen while he was still little? Would anybody believe him if he told them now? That Madara Uchiwa was alive and nurturing our worst nightmare?

"What make you think that your interference would be a bad thing? Thanks to me you are the most powerful person in the shinobi world..." Kurama said before Naruto cuts him.

"Thanks to you??!"

"Shhh adults are talking" he snickered.

"I am 27!" Naruto interjected.

"Well not anymore shrimp, you're nine, a baby"

"Nine is not a baby!" 

"Naruto no matter how old you'll ever be, you'll always be akin to a child compared to me"

"Hum" Naruto grumbled. Kurama continued. "As I was saying, before YOU rudely interrupted the ONLY adult here, you are powerful. Your body is indeed untrained right now but you know what to do to get back on your feet. You were the Nanadaime Hokage of the hidden leaf Naruto, there is literally nothing you can't do if you wish to do so."

"Yeah. You right. I panicked. Okay, I can do this"

He decided to write down the timeline since he was there. With the help of Kurama's almost perfect memory, it was easy. Then, he made a more intricate seal to prevent the fox's chakra from alerting anyone while he erased the barrier. Even if it was a unnoticeable burst, a millisecond long, he was now more than anyone aware of Kakashi sensei sensitivity to chakra. They would be busted immediately. 

From Sunday to Wednesday, when he was not on mission, Kakashi was one of his Anbu guard. He didn't want to risk finishing in a basement somewhere interrogated by Inoichi-san. For good measure he put one on every corner of the room. He would need better quality ink and paper for his next seals. Those would not survive a week. 

"Kurama?"
"I'm ready" He answered.

They took their time removing little by little the seal, faster and they were killing his nine year old body. Maybe this was his only chance in the past, he would not risk his life to be sure. 

"Done" he murmured.

"Finally!" Kurama exclaimed as he materialized on the bed as a little fox, stretching his body. Naruto frowned a bit at all the fur gathering on his sheets.

"You should tidy up this room, it's already little it doesn't need to stink" he added.

Naruto sighed and activated himself.

Chapter Text

He did some exercising and meditated to sharpen further his senses and contain properly the alarming amount of chakra in his body. Kurama helped him while he spent time with Shikamaru but that was only because he was out of it. He wouldn’t go unnoticed in the academy, or anywhere in the village like this.

He drew a seal in the center of his chakra path. Even though he grew to be good at controlling himself, he was still in a nine year old body, his chakra could gush out of him if he was too emotional and there were walking panic attacks in the village waiting for him at any random corner. Corners that will be destroyed by Pain in a couple years. Destructed buildings. Hinata bleeding profusely on the ground. The blood. The blood. The blood in Oka-san hands. The blood. The blo…

"…kamaru, Shikamaru, Shikamaruuuu!" Kurama sung from where he was comfortable in his bed.

"Did you just sing Shika’s name to prevent me from having an episode?" 

" yes, work wonderfully most of the time"

" you’re ridiculous" he said.

" well think about it, long locks, beautiful eyes, discreet smile, thin pretty li…"

"STOP!" He was completely red. "stop, you’re conscious that he’s a child now right? Wait, does that make me some type of sicko that love children?"

"No! He’s your mate it’s not the same. Either way you’re both children now" Kurama interjected.

"But I’m 27!"

"Not anymore Naruto, you are 9. It’s not like you would jump him anyway. I would bite your head off would you ever try anything untoward if Shikaku doesn’t get to you before me. And it’s not like you want to do anything with him as he is now right"

"No, but…" Kurama stopped him.

"Naruto that you question yourself is already a statement of your moral, you’re a good person, okey?"

"Okey, thank you."

" Who are you smiling to? Shrimp! I didn’t do it for you but for me, your overthinking hinder my peace"

"Yeah, sure"

"Tss, keep cleaning this hole"

Two hours later, after putting his dirty laundry in a pile, washing his dishes, sweeping the floor, organizing his academic papers, completely sealing the place, eating and taking a cold shower. Naruto felt great. His nest smelled good, he was clean and satiated. Kurama was rolling happily in a towel next to him. He looked extremely cute but Naruto preserved himself from saying anything, not wanting to be the cause of the destruction of Konoha, prematurely.

They really came a long way. At this time in his past life, he did not know of his existence. How different his life would have been if he did? Would he have become a deserter with all the hate in the demon? A mass murderer, maybe? Or would he have taken the same path? And become way stronger than he was during the shinobi war?

It was uncertain and either way, they were here now. Another chance or another major fuck up. Only time will tell.

Like a clock Naruto woke up at dawn to head to his office, it did not matter how late he slept. The constant overflow of chakra kept him vigorous throughout the day. Even though Kurama stopped doing it at some point to prevent him from going weeks without sleeping, when the bloody face of his love appeared in his dreams to haunt him.

He opened his eyes to a ceiling full of mold. Oh. He was in the past. He should get up to go to… school? Euugh. Troublesome.

This was a calm night. But he did not dare hope that his sleep would be this peaceful all the time.

"It’s okay, Iruka sensei will be there, Shikamaru too. There will be Lee, Chouji and Kiba" He encouraged himself.

"Sasu…" he couldn’t help but erupt in a fit of laughter as he remembered how Sasuke used to be. Fit that woke up Kurama and the fox was sneering at him now. He didn’t particularly need to sleep since he was made of chakra but he enjoyed the activity.

"Why are you laughing like a madman in the morning?" He asked.

"I just remembered how dark and broody Sasuke used to act. Ah! Ah! « You are all beneath me and my genius, especially YOU dead last » like please, I could never take him seriously. To think I was impressed by that. How embarrassing"

"His older self was still acting broody when we left"

"Naaah. He was taciturn not arrogant and wannabe mysterious. Not to mention his fan girls who followed him everywhere."

He winced at the thought of dealing with Sasuke-obsessed Sakura again. He loved Sakura but she was really mean to him during their academy days. She even recognized it herself when they were older.

" Not to interrupt your obviously incredibly wise thoughts Naruto but this is too early for an academy student."Naruto stopped in his tracks.
"Yes it is. I should... do something else in the meantime."

He did some stretching and push-up exercises before his stomach reminded him of his dubious eating regimen.
"What about grocery shopping?" He said after seeing the two ramen cups left in his cabinet. He decided to henge to go do his groceries. This method would have spared so much time and money to his younger self. He left a clone in his apartment for his Anbu guards and headed for the market.

The sun was rising, the weather just right, the street market mildly populated. It was in moment like this that he liked Konoha the most. It would have been great if his numerous near-death experiences and Shika's death were not the price to be part of this painting.

He found himself whistling on his way back home. His hands full of fresh fruits, and food different from his usual ramen packages. If he wanted to grow well and taller than his previous self, he needed a balanced diet. He was a bit little for his age. He rolled his eyes when he heard Kurama laugh in the back of his mind. He used a camouflage in his neighborhood to enter his building.

He liked the atmosphere of this lazy morning. It was a far cry from his mornings as a Hokage, plunging straight into paperwork. Contrary to the depressing silence of his office, this one was welcomed. He remembered murmuring to Sakura during their bi-monthly sessions that seeing Shikamaru would resolve all his problems, she looked at him with pity, her lips searching for words to comfort. And he was right ( he was totally wrong ).

He made a sandwich that he ate with orange juice, and grilled meat for Kurama. The eating habits of his friend will cost him a lot, he just knew it.

He put an orange t-shirt and made his way to the academy. The stares were back and he really didn’t miss them. He decided to count the rocks on the ground. He took a deep breath in and tried to breath out. He wasn’t scared of them. He just felt…exposed? The oppressive atmosphere was giving him whiplash compared to the soothing aura of his nest or the anonymity of the henge. But he could go through that again for Shikamaru.

Since he was hated, he decided that he would make it everybody’s problem, even more than the last time, might as well give them a reason to hate him that he could control. Konohagakure you are nowhere near ready for Hokage level pranks.

He arrived in front of the academy. The civilians were distancing themselves from where he was and the shinobi ignoring him. Some were looking discreetly with curiosity and other with disdain.

He installed himself in the swing and counted rocks again. They were pretty rocks in front of the trees. He felt the familiar chakra of the young Nara approaching, accompanied by Shikaku-san. He straightened up to see the pair schooling the same bothered expression and couldn’t help but chuckle. Which attracted the attention of the most perceptive of the crowd.

He didn’t miss his childhood at all.

Chapter Text

Shikamaru thinks there is something wrong with him. People may think that it’s okey to have a great amount of interest in somethings. But not for him. He isn’t particularly interested in anything, really. He mildly liked some things, mildly disliked others. He knew he loved his parents, Choji and his clan. But he never had anything he was truly interested in.

It’s been a month since the alleyway incident and he found himself thinking about Naruto more and more. Observing him from afar anytime he was in his field of view.

After hours and hours of daily watching, he concluded that the blonde was a contradiction. He was simultaneously loud and extremely quiet. Simultaneously looked happy but weighed down with sadness. Sadness that he was carrying with him everywhere.

Naruto was alone.

Nobody drop him off at school. Nobody comes to get him.

Nobody actually talks to him, nor listen to what he has to say. He guessed that’s why he was loud. Because if he wasn’t, nobody would see him.

The adults were openly scorning him, so the children excluded him, especially civilians. And Naruto was scared and hyperaware of everything. The blond was tense. If you do not look closely you would think him relaxed but no. He’s just constantly tense and anxious. Really anxious. He pondered if it was because of his scrutinizing or if Naruto has always been that way. Time has made him lean on the latter.

The whiskered scratched his body incessantly. It could be his right thigh or his left palm. He was persuaded there was a dent on his belly with how much he’d put both of his hands in his t-shirt after dealing with a stressful situation.

Another thing that he remarked, was that Naruto was hyperactive. Alarmingly so. He used to think he was croaking like raven for the attention of people. But he seemed to jitter still, without people paying attention to him, like he needed it. To move his body, to feel himself there. Nothing could get his attention for more than fifteen minutes before he moved onto something else.

How did the teachers never see Naruto’s obvious trouble of attention?

Or did they? But never cared. And this was another thing on his list of things about Naruto. Nobody cared about him. Wether he was sad, loud, angry, silent or hungry, nobody cared. At least not enough. Well, Iruka sensei seemed to try but the man evidently didn’t know how to abord the subject with the blonde.

Even more now with how elusive Naruto became. He didn’t linger after school like he used to. Since he wasn’t much of a troublemaker anymore. Don’t be mistaken, the whiskered was still loudmouthed but he rarely found himself in prickly situations. He tried to listen in class, and if not he was sleeping. Which to Naruto’s standards was not detention worthy in Iruka sensei course. The course his classmate specifically picked to sleep in once in a while.

If you take your eyes off Naruto, the next time you’ll see him, is when he will want you to. So Shikamaru never took his eyes off him. He watched him, all the time.

Shikamaru woke this morning feeling good. His father snickered when he started whistling after picking a flower from the sidewalk. Since he was not dragging his feet for once, they were early. Choji wasn’t there yet. He entered the classroom and saw Naruto scraping his desk while some children where laughing in the back. He frowned slightly.

"Naruto what’s happening ?" he said before being able to control himself. He abstained from talking with Naruto since the blonde seemed to shy away from him. Maybe he felt awkward because of what happened in the alley. Shikamaru didn’t mind. He didn’t feel like they needed to talk. He just knew in the way, Naruto shyly smiled at him sometimes, that they were cool.

He approached his classmate and his pleasant mood vanished in a matter of milliseconds. Naruto was wiping off insults from his desk. And despite his efforts, Shikamaru could read the outrageous «die freak».

His calmness has never been more challenged. It’s like he could hear every cell in his body trying to gnaw out of him in rage. He was already finding ten different way to make this day the worst nightmare of every laughing idiots in this room when he felt something tugging on his jacket.

And he saw again this shy smile. Antithesis of what Naruto embody in the daily. And he knew the blonde didn’t want him to do anything.

But why?

Why should he silently accept this treatment? The hatred, the mockery, the second handed and instinctual rejection. His blonde deserved so much more.

"Naruto" he started before being stopped by the one he called.

"It’s okay"

"No." He looked Naruto in his eyes.
"Come sit with me" he continued louder. For everybody to hear.

Since nobody wanted to take care of Naruto. He would.

It has been hours since the incident of this morning, and people still appear shocked to see Naruto sitting next to him and Choji. Like people… move on, really.

Thankfully Ino was absent today for some reason, he didn’t want to have his ears pierced by her yapping. It was already troublesome to have to glare at the pink fan girl when she started to yell at Naruto because he broke the tacit order of the classroom with his behavior, before daring to try hitting Naruto.

And the blonde did not evade it. He just waited for the blow. Like it’s a normal everyday occurrence for him.

Well it was’nt for Shikamaru so he made it expeditiously known. The whiskered looked at him with puzzlement and wonder. He wanted to shake Naruto screaming that it is not normal when his classmate told him that it didn’t hurt.

While his mind was running like a hamster in a wheel, the object of approximately seventy percent of his thoughts was sleeping peacefully next to him, drooling on the table.

Iruka sensei had eyed them with suspicion when he entered the classroom and didn’t see Naruto on his «tacitly» appointed sit, then dropped it with a long sigh.

Now that it was pause time, Naruto, Choji and him were sitting under a tree far from the noisy playground.

"Do you want to share my bento?" He asked when he saw Naruto take out a sandwich from his little bag.

"No I’m okay" the blonde answered softly before taking a bite.

Shikamaru watched him eat calmly. Analyzing every move, pondering about what they could mean about his classmate.

Because of his stare the blonde turned a bit red and Choji cleared his throat loudly. He looked at his friend who looked back at him with questioning eyes.

He turned back to Naruto who stood up and said "Well… I’ll go ask something to Iruka sensei".

"You made him run away" he told Choji, mildly annoyed.

"It was not my intention. It’s just that I’ve been wondering why you were so… concentrated on him?"

"What a drag… I don’t know, I’m just intrigued, it’ll probably pass. Maybe." At least he hoped so.

"So you want him to hang out with us more?"

"Yes, do you mind ?"he inquired hesitantly.

"No. I like Naruto, I think he’s funny and he never laughed at me, he’s a great guy, a bit noisy but nice. And it’s not like he’s louder than before, he’s calmer now. Is that why you’re fixated?"

"I’m not. Fixated. I’m just curious. He changed. In a lot of ways, I just wondered why. That’s all."

They returned to class. Naruto was back in his original sit. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at the blonde. He heard Choji snicker behind him before going to his sit and wishing him good luck.

Out of spite, he sat next to Naruto. "Shouldn’t y-" the whiskered started.

"No."he cut. His classmate seemed to resign from talking.

At the end of school, Choji invited him and Naruto to eat dangos at his cousin stand. Naruto accepted readily. On their way there, he couldn’t help but stand protectively in front of the blonde.

Choji sent him a couple of alarmed looks at the villagers blatant hostility.
I’ll explain to you later." He mouthed him.

He could feel the rage of this morning stir again under his skin when his comrade curled up more and more on himself as they walked.

"Troublesome" he said before taking the blonde hand and putting it in his pocket with his, some shinobi nearby physically jerking up at the action.

Curious or not, Naruto will never have to go through all of this alone again.

Chapter Text

Naruto Uzumaki was feeling good.

The light of sunset grazed his face and the clouds that took their time in the sky were painted a beautiful orange. The wind graced the village with its presence, gradually indicating the onset of autumn.

Choji invited him to come eat dangos after school and he accepted unhesitatingly. When was the last time he ate dangos? He lost the ability to truly appreciate food alongside pleasure. It became actually challenging to stomach his beloved ramen. Every taste duller in his souvenirs. His love for food relegated to a need for sustaining.

It was now, back in his little apartment, with Kurama and the underlying insurance that Shikamaru was in the range of his sensor abilities that he learned to enjoy food again.

Of course, the villagers were a pain, and the contrast between hero worship and undeniable abhorrence had been making him dizzy ever since he'd returned. But now, in this moment, he didn't mind.

Because Shikamaru was holding his hand.

His heart was pounding out of his chest like a cacophony in his ears. He was sure everybody in a ten miles radius was able to hear it. A thrilling sensation coursed through his body. His hands started to tremble and Shikamaru tightened his grip once he noticed.

Naruto wanted to laugh out loud and nearly did, but he didn't need his Anbu security strengthened on the ground of some rumor about him and how he was becoming insane. The shadows assigned to him were enough.

Shikamaru and Choji were standing protectively in front of him despite being both children and a tingling feeling adorned his heart.

Shikamaru was holding his hand.

He was smiling. His joy slitting his face in two, it was almost painful.

But like a senseless person running over your parade, his mind turned this delightful moment into a nightmarish sight. The touch of this hand came to be sickly thin, calloused and bloodstained. The last drops of chakra pouring out , and back to nature where it originally belonged.

And Shikamaru hands fell.

Lifeless. His pulse weak, then nonexistent after haunting reassurances were breathed to him.

He was pulled in his mindscape by Kurama. The fox put him on top of his muzzle. Naruto grabbed his fur with both hands, finding comfort in the scent of his friend. "Kit, breathe in." He said.

And Naruto was trying to. But it was so hard when Shikamaru couldn't anymore. He would never grow to be his advisor as promised. They never got to play shogi again. The fantasies that played out in his head when Naruto was alone in his house are just that. Fantasies.

"He's here Naruto. This is not a war zone. There is no Madara, no Edo tensei. Your mate is alive and well. Breathing. Come on kit." Kurama continued.

After a multitude of shallow breaths, he thanked Kura and decided that he would leave in a couple seconds. But the seconds passed and he did not want to leave the comfort of his friend company when he felt like he couldn't face the world.

"You have to put yourself together for now. Bored and hungry are freaking out." The fox whispered.
"Yeah, thank you."

The first thing his eyes registered was his favorite Nara kneeling beside him. The brunette was sporting two sets of puppy eyes ( Nara's version ) that made him want to cradle him in his arms and protect him from the world.

Naruto attempted to reassure Shikamaru but his voice failed him. His throat was painful, his sentence cut short.

"You don't need to talk" his classmate told him. With Shika's face so close, he could see the disparity between him and his older self. Damn. He was really in the past. Everything and everybody was a reminder that sinks in his head continuously everyday.

" it's your present now" he heard the fox say again gently.

Yeah. His present.

He heard a packet of potato chips crumple on his left and remembered that Choji was there. The Akimichi looked visibly relieved to see him awake.

"We could go eat dangos another time"he said.

"Yeah Naruto, we could go somewhere calm, it's okay too" Shikamaru nodded.

After spending his early evening playing in a quiet playground with his friends, Naruto was over the moon. Shikamaru was a bit reluctant about actually playing like children but accepted for some reason when the blonde begged him.

Naruto was a bit shy interacting with Shikamaru but with Choji as the conductor between the two of them, he felt more relaxed.

It wasn't that he didn't want to be alone with Shikamaru, but he couldn't bear it yet. His emotions were still too raw for him to feel comfortable. He knew he'd get over it with time and once he'd settled nicely into his routine.

He still felt strange when he saw Iruka sensei wrinkle-free and he will not touch with a ten-foot pole the massive panic attack he had after perceiving Neji near training ground 3.

He activated his privacy seals. Kurama appeared and stretched out, before smoothly installing himself on his window sill. He noted that he should buy big cushions for the kyuubi. He seemed to like lounging there.

Naruto decided to take a shower and eat right after. He cussed when the icy water met his hair. He wore his pajamas and started to cook. Just some scrambled eggs and stir fry vegetables. Before he hurried to cook for Kura too, the fox indicated that he did not wish to eat.

As he set his dinner he couldn't help laughing at his reflection in the window beside his bed. He used to be such a cute child.

"Why are you smiling alone like a degenerate?" the fox sneered.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "And the award of the nicest furry infestation goes to..." the whiskered couldn't finish his sentence as he was attacked by Kurama. The duo playfully fighting on the ground and ended up cackling like hyenas.

"I missed this. When you weren't so undone that I had to stitch together the naked tears in your mind. Every day boy."

"Thank you Kurama, I wouldn't have survive without you."

"Hmph, make my sacrifices and time worthwhile, I'll be satisfied with that."

"Awww! Kura! You actually love me!" The whiskered snuggled with the fox as he tried to get him off him with a disgusted frown on his face.

After eating and getting all cozy in his bed with the kyuubi, he was discussing a plan of actions. It's true that peace was reestablished after the The fourth great shinobi war but it did not mean that it had to happen again. They would have to find another way to convince the Hidden villages to ally again or at least to have a peace treaty infallible and strong enough to never be breached under any circumstances.

They agreed that he had to be at least as strong as his end-of-shinobi-war-self before starting to deal with the bigger problem, Akatsuki.

It took him a lifetime to be as strong as he was, but he never forgot every Frog kata beaten into him by Lord Fukasaku, and all his jutsus are part of the very fabric that makes him who he is.

He wanted to go to Uzushio too. He became much more interested and enthusiastic in his clan's work after the war during the period when Kakashi sensei was the Hokage and the village was stable enough for him to sit and properly go through his godfather archives.

He wanted to make sure that Orochimaru wouldn't be able to find a reliable source of informations for his dreary researches too. He hoped the snake sannin didn't scavenge the place for all his worth yet. Just thinking about the reanimated corpse of Madara staring at him with those Mangekyou pupils gave him chills. Edo tensei should never be.

On top of it would be really difficult for him to train techniques like Baryon Mode in the village without the Hokage declaring state of emergency. Naruto could get away with practicing Sage mode or yin and Yang releases since people wouldn't recognize for what it was and intricate Disruption chakra seal could do the job. Either way this would be trouble for later.

For now his goal will be to attain his Team-Yamato-self in the next year, which would be a even more refined version with the experience accumulated after war and becoming the god of shinobi. Having his clones train while he was at the academy, practicing fuinjutsu during the weekend and absorbing nature chakra during his sleep was a pretty efficient method of training.

After he turns eleven, he will approximately be at his after-war-self and will prepare his trip to Uzushio. Kurama recommended to leave some Sage clones in Konoha since they became stronger than his shadow clones and Naruto acquiesced. After coming back from Uzushio, he will deal with Danzo.

He sensed Kakashi sensei in the tree near his window and smiled. If he knew who created the Chakra disruption seal, he'd marry them. His sensei probebly saw him innocently sleeping in his bed whereas he was snuggling with a SSS-level threat.

"I thought you wanted to marry the Nara deer" Kurama snickered.

He blushed then made himself homely in the fox fur and drowned in the arm of Morpheus.

Chapter Text

Naruto woke up abruptly three hours later, trembling, a shadow of a hand near his heart, and the ghost of a chidori in his ears. He nuzzled in the fox fur and took long inhalations to calm himself.

He could see Kurama, the moonlight through the window, his hand, the tree outside and the air blower on the ceiling.

He could touch his mattress, the cover over him, Kurama...Kurama and...Kurama...

The fox's tail started to pat his back in a fixed cadence. Naruto focused on it.
" I can... hear you patting me...the neighbor ...snoring on the second floor... and a dog fight somewhere near here" he murmured difficulty. " I can smell you and Kakashi sensei."

And it was impossible to ignore the taste of almost digested food in his throat. He ran to the bathroom before throwing up on his freshly washed beddings.

After minutes of choking on his bile when there was nothing left in his stomach, he lied down on the ground.

"Sorry to wake you up again Kurama."

The kyuubi seemed to not want to acknowledge this sentence. He extended his chakra around the village, finding solace in the heartbeat of his precious people. His friends chakra were nice little flames Naruto cradled in his to console himself.

Kakashi sensei's chakra was slightly flaring. After nearly two decades with the man he knew his sensei was worrying about him and felt distressed and powerless in front of his situation.

He just knew the monthly visit of the Hokage would be awkward. The old man was supposed to come today or tomorrow to give him his allowance. There is no way his new habits and tumultuous nights were not narrated in detail to oji-san. They couldn't see Kurama but they could see most of his actions, he grinned wryly at the image of the professor lightly interrogating a child.

Talking about the old man, he was fretting over something in his office with Shikaku-san. He really didn't miss his Hokage days... and nights.

He stood up and opened his window to let the wretched odor out of his room. The moon was bright and Konoha was calm. The only noticeable noises were, the shinobis making their rounds around the village and the scarce bars still open in the light district.

Naruto rinsed the bathroom floor and decided to make himself a hot chocolate. In his quest for an a normal diet, he fell in love with the drink and discovered that he had a small sweet tooth.

He singled out Shikamaru's steady heartbeat and sat on the kitchen chair to practice his sealing formulas.

The cold seasons were coming and they were not his favorites. The condition of his appartement made autumn and winter nearly unbearable.

After years of chakra training he finally needled how to circulate his chakra to lessen the effects of weather on yourself. It was a long and arduous journey with his massive pool of chakra.The thing with him was that since his predominant element is wind. He can easily refresh himself during spring and summer but wind doesn't help much with the cold. He could train his Fire release but he wanted to attain an instinctive level of use for his Wind release techniques before tapping into other ones.

Relearning, creating and experimenting on miscellaneous seals helped him work his dexterity. On top of it it was really fun. He was usually filled with excitement at the idea of coming home for the weekend and do seals. In any case, he didn't want his life to be as difficult as it had been back then.

He was currently working on a seal which should be able to retain fire release chakra but not to contain it fully. At least it was the goal, but it was really difficult. He wanted to infuse the little fire he could muster to warm his little appartement. He tried a fire sealing method but it retained the flame completely, and when he unsealed it, it nearly burn his kitchen table.

After what felt like hours, and were indeed hours, he achieved his goals by precisely omitting some part of the formula. Since it was the weekend he decided to stay at home today to test the seals. He didn't want the only place he was accepted in to burn down while he was not there.

"Milk" he heard Kurama say next to him. The blonde nearly fell from his chair because of the surprise.

"Why are you awake?" He asked begrudgingly.

"Shrimp, if you weren't so enthralled with your papers you would see that it's the morning.".

"Ah..."

"Ah, indeed"

They took their breakfast together. Milk for Kurama and Tamagoyaki with pickled carrots for himself.

Naruto stretched and proceeded with his training. His nine years old body came a long way. When he came back it was difficult for him to exercise for more than thirty minutes, and extremely challenging to execute his usual routine.

He dedicated this month to light exercises and some muscles reinforcement. He was content with the results he was feeling in his body. The clones do memorize the techniques they learn but they cannot change his physical abilities. His body have to change to handle his techniques.

Naruto need his body balanced and ready, any misstep could create a irreversible injury to such a small body. He will carefully extend its limits.

He was meditating when he heard someone knock on his door.

"The old man"

Chapter Text

Shikaku Nara was receiving the monthly Anbu rapport about the young Naruto. He was standing on the left of the Hokage of the Hidden leaf, and his friend Inoichi was standing on the right side.

"Hound. Report any notable incidents, please." The Hokage demanded and Hound acquiesced.

"Yes Hokage-sama. During this month Naruto ran through two major quarrels with the civilians. At the beginning of the month, he was ambushed by six children in a park near the eastern outskirts of the village. He was left with some bruises and superficial cuts. We defused the situation and helped him obtain medical assistance acting as a passerby. He didn't attend academy classes. Three days later, he went out for groceries met an hostile man. The boy presented for the first time signs of a severe panic attack. He received help from the Nara's clan heir. This incident seem to have been the start of a tentative friendship between the two boys."

An imperceptible frown found his place on Shikaku's face. The Nara was wondering why was his son's name mentioned in a rapport about their resident jinchuriki, and why Shikamaru did not tell him during any of their weekly shogi sessions.

"We concluded after careful observation that those encounters might have triggered a fiercer reaction than the previous ones. The boy is critically withdrawn, where he used to pry for attention by any means, he doesn't reach out anymore. He doesn't sooth himself by interacting with the ramen shop's owner as much as he used to, instead, he quarantines himself. He interacts with others only when strictly necessary. He is more alert and suffer from night terror and regular mild panic attacks which reduce drastically his hours of sleep." Hound continued before being cut by Inoichi.

"Is he prone to injury?" He asked.

The room became quiet. The implications of this question made the atmosphere heavier in an instant and Shikaku was fighting the reflex to sigh a 'troublesome'.

"Not necessarily" Hound answered after a slight pause. "But he started to train more... fiercely for his age."

The Hokage looked at Inoichi.

"Child post traumatic stress disorder symptoms, Hokage-sama." The Yamanaka head affirmed.

"Hum. you are all dismissed" Hiruzen said as he stood up. " I should go see that child now." Then he took an envelope in his desk drawer.

Shikaku watched the man leave the room and Hound flicker away, probably back to his station next to the young Uzumaki.

"I need a drink!" his friend sighed next to him.
"Me too."he responded curtly.

They both headed for a mini bar nearby, and settled in.

" CPTSD. I can't even imagine my little cute Ino suffering from it." Inoichi started.

Shikaku's eyebrow jittered at the 'cute' in this sentence, wondering if they were seeing the same little blonde menace, and if the definition of the word changed without his knowledge.

" At this point I wouldn't recommend a two hours weekly session, but interning in the Yamanaka domain. " he continued. " I don't think I will ever understand the decision to keep this child alone."

"Me neither. I followed the Hokage instructions about Naruto because I thought it was a temporary solution not a permanent one. It all became troublesome somehow" Shikaku said before taking a sip of beer.

" I don't think Mina..."
" Don't" Shikaku cut.
"Okey."he sighed as he resigned from talking.

Shikaku was wondering how Shikamaru ended up standing Minato's son overbearing presence while he visibly couldn't stand Ino on his best days. Maybe he should involve himself in this situation, if the overwhelmingly expressive Naruto could stay silent long enough to accommodate his son, the situation might be drearier than anticipated.

Anyway, he was not looking forward to the upcoming conversation with his son about the little blonde.

"Problematic."he murmured.

They both silently drank their beers then headed back to work.

On the literal other side of town an old man was calmly smoking a pipe. Hiruzen Sarutobi was sporting a cruel headache and on his way to see his pseudo grandson.

He was questioning for the umpteenth time whether the decision taken in agreement with the village council nine years ago was the right one. He should have been firmer about the Kyuubi situation.

A nagging pain gripped his heart every time he remembered that he didn't know who was responsible for spreading Naruto's secret. Nevertheless he had suspicions that he did not want to probe into.

He climbed the stairs to Naruto's apartment and knocked on his door, which opened shortly afterwards.

The first thing he saw was Naruto's signature blinding smile. And when the boy opened his eyes the sadness and disappointment was heartbreaking. He was obviously happy to see him but it was not accompanied by any awe or love. He shifted to let Hiruzen enter.

He did not reach out for the usual hug. Just opened the door.

He did not start to rant about his new year as an academy student. Just offered him a cup of water and sat in front of him at the table not beside.

He did not looked at him in the eyes after the first time at the door. Hiruzen looked at the surprisingly neat room, then turned back to Naruto who was staring at the cup in his little hands.

Little hands covered in bandages up to the blond's elbows. Inoichi's question was ringing in his ears like an alarm. Naruto was too young to hurt this much.

"So...you came to give me expenses, right?" the boy queried hesitantly.

The question snapped him out of his spiraling and he took a deep puff from his pipe.
" yes, how was your month?" He said to start a conversation.

"Uneventful." Naruto answered immediately after.

This sentence was like a merciless vise around his regrets as he looked at the photo of Minato and Kushina in his office.

"Hound."
"Yes Hokage-sama" he responded.
" Kakashi... You have the right to be in contact with him outside of Anbu guard."

Kakashi stayed silent for a couple seconds then answered breathlessly.

" Thank you Hokage-sama."

Hiruzen hoped this would improve the situation, deeply ashamed of having let it proliferate for so long.