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Chapter Text

The heavy door of the basement studio somewhere deep down in the entrails of the city of Stockholm opened with a click, and Wille stepped into the room. The studio was small with a low ceiling and emitted a slightly damp smell. A thick carpet on the floor and some acoustic panels that were randomly plastered alongside the walls, muffled the sound of his footsteps.

Oh great – what a miserable pit!

His blond hair fell into his face like it always did. He brushed it away with the smooth move that was good to make girls and boys all over the globe scream in ecstasy. He let his eyes wander through the room, looking for the reason he had jetted all the way over the ocean from LA for. And there he was: Simon Eriksson, his designated co-singer for this upcoming musical cooperation. The twenty-three-year-old Swedish pop singer was comfortably sprawled on a couch at the rear end of the studio, dressed in black t-shirt and torn jeans with gaping holes at the knees, one leg on top of the other, lazily fumbling through his phone when Wille entered. The sound of the closing door made Simon look up from the screen with flashing eyes.

Woah, these eyes!

Wille swallowed hard, his throat dry as sandpaper. He had been prepared for this moment – at least he’d thought he was – for he had stalked his co-star-to-be on his social media. But the sheer sight of him in real life shook him down to his bones. He was pretty.

Oh Lord, how pretty he is!

“Hi”, he croaked, feeling utterly stupid, with a wave of hot sweat flashing up his neck.

What the actual fuck is happening?

It was him, Wilhelm Saunders, who sold out arenas worldwide, creating hysteric chaos wherever he turned up. He was a superstar – everybody knew his name. His social media counted sixty-five million followers. He was used to attract attention anyplace he went. Random people just casually went mad in his presence, wanted to hug and kiss him or even tattoo his name on their skin – which kinda freaked Wilhelm out when he even thought about it. This Stockholm basement hole he had somehow toppled into on this rainy Tuesday in March vibed like the rehearsal room of a garage band. And still he felt like an idiot, standing there and fiddling with his useless hands like a dork.

The raven boy smiled a warm welcome from the other side of the room. There was something about the way he showed a row of pearly white teeth with the tip of his tongue just swiftly flashing between them. It was the most captivating thing Wille had ever seen. When Simon finally peeled out of the sofa and got up to welcome him, Wilhelm couldn’t help but notice the smooth way he moved.

Right, he’s a dancer as well.

The gift of coordinating his limbs in a fleeting motion was something Wilhelm himself entirely lacked. He was convinced that the screams of his audience when he shook his ass on stage in a thoughtless moment must be screams of terror. THOSE hips however swayed on a different level! Simon’s grip on his hand was light as a feather, and Wille wondered whether he expected him to shake his hand or kiss it.

Simon looked up when Wilhelm entered the studio.

Oh well, this is going to be interesting.

He couldn’t exactly pinpoint what he had expected from this guy, who was known to be one of the most successful upcoming pop stars of the decade. By now he had only seen him on screens. And so far the live version of Wilhelm Saunders was much less impressive than his videos. Simon eyed him as he stood there in the middle of the carpet, looking about himself like a little kid that was lost in the shopping center. Obviously confidence didn’t come with the job just like that.

“Hi, welcome to Stockholm. Really nice to meet you”, he smiled, trying his best to be a veritable host to his foreign visitor.

When he reached out to shake hands and turned his gaze upwards, their eyes met up close. They were beautiful, those eyes, placid and kind with no trace of arrogance or ego. So why did his hand actually tingle with the touch? Well, maybe he WAS a little starstruck after all. But he had rigidly decided to play it cool. You didn’t get to work with the prince of showbiz every day. Simon took a deep breath.

Cool, babes.

To record a song with Wilhelm Saunders was a serious chance to push his career one step further.

Be professional! This could be the beginning of something.

But the uneasy spirit his visitor radiated didn’t mirror his excitement at all and made Simon instantly feel somewhat frustrated.

Looks like Wilhelm doesn’t even want to be here. Probably his management has just shoved this coop up his ass as one of many PR-gigs he has to accomplish this year.

“Ahhm, hi! My name is Wilhelm.”

The blond boy returned Simon’s welcome with a thin smile.

Bro, is he even real? Like I don’t know his name, Simon thought annoyed, as he withdrew his hand from Wilhelm’s grip.

Their uptight hellos kept hanging in the air for a moment, neatly wrapped in the anticipating silence of everybody else in the room. Awkwardly, Simon set about to introduce his sound engineers. He opened his mouth and caught the expectant gaze of his visitor, who looked at him with those eyes.

Damn, wait? What?

They were brown, just like his own, only much lighter.

Like amber almost.

He tried to blink, but the other one just kept staring at him in an unsettling manner. Simon’s brain functions screeched to a halt and suddenly all his English was gone in a blur.

“These guys are, you know, the sound-, ahem – what is it called? The music guys, like …, you know who do the …, well this is Stefan and this is Corbin. They should work with us – I mean, will … ahem, are going to, well, ahm, … is it ‘engineer’? Well you know, the ones who do the sounds.”

Wilhelm raised a confused eyebrow at him while Simon’s guts cramped with embarrassment.

Perfect. What a start! All professional, just as planned.

He let his hands fall to his sides with a random sigh.

What now? How are we going to start this?

Simon was at a loss. The two of them were expected to write a new song from scratch, which was a big task, given they had never met before and didn’t know shit about each other. Fortunately, Stefan had set up a range of sound bits for inspiration and offered to play some song samples right away, so they could choose where to start from. Simon cast him a thankful glance.

Good thing, SOMEONE is being prepared here.

Once they had listened to the samples one after the other, the singers quickly agreed on that one specific energetic guitar riff, that immediately brought goosebumps to Simon’s arms. It went right to his core. The small crew decided to use this and see what they could work out from there. Getting right to their common grounds – the heartbeat of music – helped to dispel the anxiousness, that was floating about, and Simon eventually felt his pulse tone down to a healthy level again. Bit by bit he started to relax, even with the VIP in the room, who had an incredibly charming habit of looking through the strands of his blond hair.

Like wow! He HAS some presence after all!

“This guy wont even be able to write a song”, his friend Rosh had blurted after she had been done making vomiting sounds when Simon had told her about his upcoming coop and railed on about how Wille was just another artificial pop-up star. Simon couldn’t help but think that she was probably right. So many names in the business were put together by a record company, handed some ready-made music and marketed with tons of money until they hit the charts. But when Wilhelm after some time of adjustment gradually started to open up, Simon was caught by surprise how profoundly educated the musician was. He had words for all the little tricks and sound changes, Simon usually only got across to his co-workers with hands and feet and a lot of humming. The way Wilhelm worked the guitar, found nuances and effects and studiously composed the song step by step … it was pretty impressive.

Rosh and her big mouth, Simon scolded in his mind, judging her hard for giving him prejudice.

Wille was content with their first-day progress. He wouldn’t let it show, but he had been worried sick about this whole undertaking. Songwriting could take from hours to weeks, depending on the quality of the writers. The more relieving it was now to find that they got ahead on a good pace, because they were on a fucking tight schedule. Only five days had been set for them to create their summer-hit-to-be – an impossible task to be real. But the business was tough, and Wilhelm’s management had lowkey implied that his time would be spent much more valuable by performing a stadium concert in the USA rather than hanging out with this Swedish guy, who was scarcely known outside of Scandinavia. So they had assigned him barely a week for this coop to succeed, funny them.

“I can’t believe we’re halfway through already on day one”, he smiled when they recapped after a short afternoon coffee break, and Simon gave him a happy wink.

Well, he tried. But he couldn’t really wink that boy, so it turned more into a blink. Wille had to avert his face, so Simon wouldn’t see his chuckle. Only a few hours had passed and he was thoroughly intrigued by his co-star. The way Wille’s clear and structured manner of working through a new song was demolished by the impulsive and emotional style of the Swede was highly irritating for him. Then again he marveled at how playfully Simon filled in the gaps which his own chronic overthinking had left open. It seemed they were kind of a fit. Quietly he smiled to himself.

This boy is the king of chaos.

But what a charming king he was!

Given his initial skepticism, Wilhelm was surprised to find himself more and more comfortable with the small crew already after a short while. Once he had adjusted to the unnatural beauty of his opposite, he found that Simon was the nicest, sweetest and funniest person he had ever met. The setup of the studio might have looked self-made and semi-professional. But it also provided Wille with a coziness and comfort that he had missed for so long, rushing here and there and getting torn apart between unfulfillable expectations and calculated money making. He had started out as a singer-songwriter before the music industry had swallowed him up and thoroughly chewed him through. His record company had made him a superstar and hit-machine by peeling off his personality layer by layer, until his mere purpose was to function. Sometimes his days didn’t seem to ever end, starting off with press conferences in the morning, business lunch with producers or photo shoots during the day and concerts in the evening. He had come to ignore the fatigue which was his daily escort, dragging his feet wherever Farima, his personal assistant, directed him, power-napping on planes and car rides, throwing in some colorful pills when things got tough or his body was about to forsake him. But he had learned to accept the adversities that came with his job. They were the price of fame. And he loved the fame. After all, it was all he had.

All this in mind, Wille didn’t really feel like saying goodbye in the evening when the other guys collected their stuff and shuffled out the door. His good humor crumbled and left a hard little lump in his stomach when they called it a wrap for the day. He would have preferred to stay another hour – maybe two – or take a nightly stroll through the city. But jet-lag kicked in and he had to acknowledge that he was dead tired. So, whether he liked it or not, he needed to take back to the hotel. It wasn’t long after a quick lonely dinner in his room until his eyes fell shut back in his pretentious hotel suite bed, with a last thought of the newly created melody and a trace of that Swedish boy Simon’s mahogany eyes trailing through his already clouded mind.

-----

Song: Panic! at the Disco, High Hopes

Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Shooting for the stars when I couldn’t make a killing
Didn’t have a dime, but I always had a vision
Always had high, high hopes

Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Didn’t know how, but I always had a feeling
I was gonna be that one in a million
Always had high, high hopes

Mama said, Fulfill the prophecy
Be something greater, go make a legacy
Manifest destiny back in the days
We wanted everything, wanted everything

Mama said, Burn your biographies
Rewrite your history, light up your wildest dreams
Museum victories everyday
We wanted everything, wanted everything

Mama said, Don’t give up, it's a little complicated
All tied up, no more love, and I’d hate to see you waiting

Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Shooting for the stars when I couldn’t make a killing
Didn’t have a dime, but I always had a vision
Always had high, high hopes

Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Didn’t know how, but I always had a feeling
I was gonna be that one in a million
Always had high, high hopes 

Mama said, It’s uphill for oddities
Stranger crusaders ain’t ever wannabes
The weird and the novelties don’t ever change
We wanted everything, wanted everything

Stay up on that rise, stay up on that rise
And never come down, 
Stay up on that rise, stay up on that rise
And never come down

Mama said, Don’t give up, it’s a little complicated
All tied up, no more love, and I’d hate to see you waiting
They say it’s all been done, but they haven’t seen the best of me
So I got one more run, and it’s gonna be a sight to see 

Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Shooting for the stars when I couldn’t make a killing
Didn’t have a dime, but I always had a vision
Always had high, high hopes

Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Didn’t know how, but I always had a feeling
I was gonna be that one in a million
Always had high, high hopes 

Chapter Text

When Wilhelm got out of the car the next day, a smile lit up his features. If he had been annoyed and anxious the day before – and some weeks prior to this meetup to be honest – there were no traits left of these feelings in his body right now.

Funny how a single stupid idea can change your life, even if only for the moment.

Curiously enough, this coop between Wilhelm Saunders and Simon Eriksson was the result of a joke, made by a cheeky reporter at the Grammys’ red carpet two months ago when Wille had mentioned that he was a fan of Young Royals – the TV show Simon had starred in over the last two years. But joke or not – the idea of recording a song together with the upcoming show star, who looked like a kid but had the voice of a veritable gospel-singer, was charming to Wille. He had been struggling with bore-out, touring the United States for months, repeating the same phrases and same handful of songs over and over again until he had gotten sick and tired of them. He had spent so much time in the States over the last years that he almost felt like a citizen. His fans as well as the media would have loved him to permanently move to a huge mansion in LA or California, but Wille was born in Ireland and still claimed to have his homebase there. Sadly enough, he rarely got to see his apartment in the heart of Dublin due to his packed traveling schedule. After some great success with a crazy mashup-song which he had recorded with Ed Sheeran the previous year, the idea of co-oping with another European act appealed to him. So Wilhelm had asked his management to reach out to Simon Eriksson, the beautiful Swede with the dark skin and velvety voice who was nothing like Wilhelm and would make the perfect counterpart to his music. Whether giving in to this unprompted gut feeling turned out for the better or the worse remained yet to be seen. But at least Wilhelm found that he was having a really good time here.

And there he was, back on day two, cramped into this little fuckhole of a studio again, Guitar in lap and the seductive scent of his co-singer’s perfume floating about him.

That boy!

Wilhelm felt an odd twitch in his guts whenever Simon accidentally brushed his body with a move or looked at him with his sparkling coffee-eyes. Wilhelm tried to set his mind to work, but the distractions around him were hard to overcome. Songwriting usually was easy for Wille, the creative flow never seemed to cease. But with this unearthly creature right at his elbow, who occasionally leaned in close and smiled his radiant smiles, Wille found it incredibly hard to focus. Granted, it didn’t make working with him any less enjoyable. Their day was filled with loads of fun and laughter and slowly a homely feeling took hold of Wille. When he had met Simon on the steps of the front door this morning, the stiff handshake of the day before had already turned into a natural hug. The way he enjoyed spending time with his new friend stroke a string deep inside his soul that thrilled and scared him at the same time. It was about to bring back a nostalgic feeling which he had safely pushed to the furthest corner of his conscience a long time ago. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to explore further into it or rather shut it down for good. This was confusing. Emotions were confusing. Simon’s eyes were confusing. The way his heart continuously seemed to beat quicker from the hour he had set foot in the streets of Stockholm was confusing. And he was a sucker for it.

Today was day three of his coop-week and Simon was running late. He was not happy and checked his face in the mirror for the umpteenth time. The idea to put on some eyeliner had turned out to be a bad one. He felt edgy for no reason at all, meddling with his hair and clothes without finding anything that would suit his mood.

Get it together, you’re not going to the Oscars, he scolded himself, eyes flickering to his watch that was ticking away at an alarming pace this morning.

Still, the eyeliner had to go! He had wanted to look cool, but THIS style would surely make his co-singer head for the door in an instant.

“You’re the vainest person in the world!”, Felice had laughed one day on set, when he had been refreshing his make-up after a long Young Royals shooting day. “You’re supposed to go home! What are you putting make-up on for?”

“What’s wrong with wanting to look good, even if it’s just for the subway?”, Simon had replied while meticulously dabbing concealer around his nose.

Felice had turned away and mumbled something that sounded a lot like ‘diva’ and ‘queen’.

To accentuate his naturally chiseled looks gave Simon confidence. He liked to make an effort with his appearance when it came to his job, just as much as he liked to laze about in trackpants and out-of-bed hair when he had a day off. But the person that was allowed to see him like this and was not his mom would yet have to reveal themself. After he had removed the khol from his eyes and put on some lip gloss instead, he was more content. It wasn’t perfect, but it would do. Have to do, for he was about to miss his train. Being late was not the kind of professionalism, he wanted to emit in front of his elitist guest. But he still needed coffee. There was no use to even talk to him in the mornings without him having had his caffeine shot. Simon was chronically staying up too late at night, so the mornings were the worst part of his day. Alarmed, he checked his watch again.

Shit!

No time to change these pants again real quick, or was there?

That green – nearly as bad as the eyeliner.
Damn it!

He would stick to them and go for the coffee instead. He grabbed his keys and phone and was out the door in a hurry.

Simon was late. It shook Wilhelm to find himself anxiously thinking, he might not show up at all. They didn’t have much time on this Thursday, because Wille’s management had squeezed a photo shoot for Vogue Scandinavia in between – to make sure Wille was not getting bored – so he would have to quit the studio in the early afternoon. Luckily, Simon joined the club half an hour later, coffee in hand and a nonchalant grin on his face – grace incorporated in some breathtaking green pants and a white crop top.

“Can I take along?”, Simon inquired eagerly, excitement shining on his face after Wilhelm had told him about his plans. “Been there, done it. It’s fun. The photographers are SO good!”

Wille was happy to give it a yes. Sunken in the backseat of his limousine a few hours later, he kept staring out of the window to conceal the foolish smile that was playing around his lips and stubbornly refused to get lost. He had wanted to scream when Farima had texted him about the extra-appointment on short notice. But having Simon with him to lift the mood made his heart feel a whole lot lighter. Wilhelm wasn’t very much into photo shoots. It was this part of his job where he mostly dreaded the cold fingers of anxiety that frequently reached out for him when he was supposed to serve in front of a camera, strike idiotic poses and look professionally pissed. Therefore it was weird enough that he caught himself thinking he didn’t even care what he was up to do at all – as long as Simon was by his side. Wilhelm bit his lower lip in a school-boyish manner. He wasn’t used to having company – lest something resembling a friend – taking along on his business trips. Of course he had friends. Very close friends even, back in Dublin. But they were living their lives as he lived his, and to make new friends was incredibly hard for Wilhelm. Being the celebrity that he was made trust issues bubble up instantly whenever he was introduced to someone new. Everybody had their agenda – it was something he had learned the hard way. No one ever put up with him for his own sake.

Why would they?

What did he have to offer, the moment he was unraveled from the gold foil of stardom? There was nothing. He was hollow, bled out – an anxious, lonely and worn-out mess at the age of twenty-four. Wilhelm glanced over to Simon, who was on his phone again, cackling as he scrolled through his social media, fooling around with his fans. Wilhelm employed a PR-team to deal with his accounts, his fandom had become too vast for him to handle. And for a second he caught himself wishing that Simon would never reach those heights of fame, never get to know the emptiness and impotence that came with being untouchable.

The shooting was a blast. Simon had been right – the camera team was excellent, and the boys had a great lot of fun picking the best outfits, jewelry and accessories for Wilhelm from the huge collection. When Simon found a heavy silver necklace and put it around Wille’s long neck, he touched the bare skin in the very sensitive spot where Wille secretly loved to be kissed. It sent a hot shiver down his spine. As he glanced into the big make-up mirror, he found Simon intently looking back at him with glee flashing in his dark Bambi-eyes, lean hands easily resting on his shoulders. Their gazes met in the shiny glass and stayed interlocked for a very long second until the props assistant called for the shooting to continue. The whole thing took almost three hours. When they finally stepped out of the building into the cool evening air, it was already past seven.

“Wanna grab a bite?”

Wilhelm smiled, his stomach rumbling.

“Can we get some takeaway? We’ve been sitting inside for three days, I need some fresh air.”

So they stopped by Simon’s favorite kebap-place and strolled down the quay, watching the small cruising boats going to and fro in the calm waters, loading and unloading heaps of tourists. Wilhelm had been in Stockholm before – a single time for a concert – but he hadn’t had any time to explore the city. Now he was stunned by its contemplative beauty. The whole place was radiating calmness – a vast difference to the buzzing US-cities that had been Wille’s stops over the last couple of weeks. He would have to go back on Sunday. There were two more TV shows, a radio station and four concert venues acquiring his presence. Two weeks thereafter he would return to Stockholm to shoot the music video, that should be published together with the song.

This is gonna be good. I get to see him again!

“Wilhelm? Are you even listening?”

The puzzled expression on Simon’s face made Wilhelm laugh out. He didn’t manage to remember the last time he had felt this amount of carefree. Leaning on a smooth metal railing, watching dawn crawl in on the city, being in public without anyone taking notice of him safely tucked under the hood of his sweater, the leftovers of a spicy takeaway meal in hand and a cute boy by his side – he couldn’t have been happier. After a long while of looking out over the water and talking indistinctly, due to them munching on their food, Simon walked Wille back to his hotel. As they strolled along the slowly darkening streets every now and then Wilhelm shot his companion a lurking glance, hands anxiously clenched to fists inside the pockets of his jacket. Oh, how dearly he wished, that he could build up the courage to ask Simon to join him for a drink at the hotel bar. He really wasn’t a shy person, not a bit. He knew how to use his charms and had some seductive lines up his sleeve which had done him a good service on several occasions. But in the presence of the sweet smile of his opposite his brain was reduced to a heap of pink mush.

“So, I see you tomorrow?”, was all he could produce as they arrived at the big hotel entrance.

What are you even talking – is that a question?

Of course they would meet tomorrow.

Any more brilliant throw-up to make an impression, idiot?

Wilhelm was not amused by the way he was left weak and dumbstruck when he looked into Simon’s pretty face, lit by the golden light of the big windows of the lobby.

“Yeah, sure”, Simon smiled. “I’ll try to be on time tomorrow.”

“You’d better”, Wilhelm joked and instantly wanted to rip his tongue out.

Instead of conjuring a cute little flirt, he had managed to render this goodbye uneasy as fuck. Simon executed a little wave with his hand and turned to walk away. Helpless, Wille kept staring at his back as he watched the boy saunter down the road and disappear in the dark.

“Good night”, Wilhelm whispered almost inaudible, his heart beating intensely in his chest, and the sour taste of disappointment corroding his throat.

-----

Song: Clinton Kane, Hopeless

When you're moving at a pace
And leave before it started
It's hard to take a break
When you don't know what's important
Am I too far gone to stay?
Will I ever wanna change?

If I went another way would it be different?
If I had the other say would I have listened?
It's all I've ever known
But now I'm wanting more

Falling in and out of place
I don't know where I want to be
Afraid of what it's done to me,
But now I'm feeling lost and out of reach

And I can't find my place
I've never had a home to rest my ache
I'm tired of being on my own and broken
Scared that it won't ever end
I've tried and tried again
But all I've found is emptiness instead
I'm giving up on all I ever wanted
I guess that it's just hopeless

Is it alright if I don't find the ending of my story?
Second guessing anytime I start to see it for me
I'm running out of space
To make up my mistakes

I'm so done waiting for what I want
Hope I find something to fill my heart
It's all I've ever known
But now I'm wanting more

And I can't find my place
I've never had a home to rest my ache
I'm tired of being on my own and broken
Scared that it won't ever end
I've tried and tried again
But all I've found is emptiness instead
I'm giving up on all I ever wanted
I guess that it's just hopeless

Chapter Text

No wonder Wilhelm was up early the next day – he had barely slept anyway. No matter how hard he had tried, the thoughts in his mind kept trailing back to Simon. It was strange to him to feel that way for the other guy. Not that it bothered him that it was a boy who gave him the chills. He had been queer for as long as he could remember, taking advantage of both sexes according to his current mood. But the intensity of his affection was unexpected. Had he thought of Simon as a friend only yesterday? As he ran the towel over his wet skin after he’d stepped out of the shower, his shoulders remembered the soft touch of the boy’s hands and a slight shiver left goosebumps around the base of his neck.

Blast it! That’s no friend-feelings!

Wille stared into the mirror as he meticulously applied his medical skin care which was supposed to help his cheeks recover from one of the outbreaks he frequently suffered when stress hit him. Hadn’t he lived a happy single life for the last four years? It had given him the opportunity to completely focus on his work, just casually taking to bed whoever he found fit to fulfill his urgent needs. He didn’t even bother to be secretive about it. For Wilhelm as a superstar, the line of volunteers to stain his sheets with was infinite, he just had to pick. And he did. Actors, singers, models, athletes – he had laid them all – and didn’t give a fuck about reputation or scandal. It was all fun and games to him, never getting serious about anything. How could he? There was no room in his life for a partner. He didn’t even stay in one place long enough to get to know anyone for real. So what was that piercing feeling he had about this boy, who had just entered his life three days ago, doing nothing but laugh his adorable laugh, sing for him in the sweetest tunes and stare right into his soul with those impudent umbra eyes? Those thoughts were disturbing, so he quickly pushed them aside.

Stop being delirious! It’s neither the time nor the place to get romantic.

He was exhausted and underfucked – that was it. He would ask Farima for a few days off when this trip was over. Maybe go on a little holiday with that Chicago boy Nigel, or Nils, or whatever his name was. It would be fine.

The music for the song was well put together – today it was time to write some lyrics. It was Wille’s special talent, he was known to always hit a nerve with his lyrics. It was important to him, as so many musicians wrote shitty, uninspired texts that said little more than nothing. So he had been looking forward to giving this coop-song the best possible verse. But Simon was in a mood today – different from Wille, HIS night seemed to have been refreshing – and kept on jumping around, messing with the piano and doing everything but sit down and write. Wille followed him through the room with his eyes and wondered how this boisterous little brat had ever managed to find the discipline to film an entire TV show. But his amusement with Simon turned into a guilty conscience, as eventually Stefan at his desk let out an annoyed sigh, got up from his swivel chair and shot a piercing look first at Simon, then at Wille.

“I’m not wasting my time here”, Stefan protested, fumbling a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his pocket. “I’m taking a long walk now, and you two better get your shit together and work something out over lunch break. We only have tomorrow left, so if you want to get this thing recorded, you better get going!”

With that he exited the studio with energetic steps, leaving no doubt that he was NOT having any fun here.

Oh, the Swedes can be rude!

Wille was trying to remember the last time, someone had dared to talk to him in that tone. He wasn’t used to taking scold anymore, as he was commonly surrounded by bootlickers who were eager to serve his every whim. Someone telling him to get his ass up and work gave him a surprising sensation in his stomach that made him snort out a suppressed chuckle. He exchanged a sheepish look with Simon who was standing in the middle of the room where he had just danced some random made up moves on the filthy carpet when his soundman had made his exit. Simon drew an apologetic face – the sudden attitude of his co-worker had obviously embarrassed him – and sneaked across the carpet, smooth like a cat, just to plop down on the couch next to Wille, shoulders hunched and a childish pout on his lips.

“We should get something to eat”, Wille suggested. “It’ll be easier to work then.”

Simon agreed and ordered lunch for both of them from an Indian delivery service nearby. After he had put down the phone he turned in his seat, positioned an elbow up on the backrest of the sofa and looked at Wille. He seemed to be wanting to say something, but eventually his gaze trailed down to Wille’s lips and he remained silent. Wille felt the little hairs on his neck rise as he closely watched Simon’s face, there, in reaching distance, right in front of him.

What is he looking at?

And why didn’t he say anything, as he had yapped away nonstop nonsense the entire morning? The sudden silence fell over them like a thick blanket, and they kept staring at each other for another moment. Wille’s thoughts went wild. How much he wanted to kiss that beautiful boy, here and now, just lean over and press his lips onto Simons’ – those full, shiny promises of passion.

But no, be for real. That would be highly unprofessional – sexual harassment even, if it goes bad!

They were colleagues for God’s sake, trying to produce a decent piece of music under some heavy time pressure. Kissing his co-singer would surely not add to improve their progress.

Wille’s brain was still feeding him loads of good reasons why he would NOT give in to the urge to feel Simon’s lush mouth on his, when the curly boy rushed upon him, grabbed his face with both hands and pressed his eager, hot lips on Willes’. His heart stopped for a second as he tried to process what was happening. But as there was no feedback from his brain on search request, his body decided to take over and he closed his grip on Simon’s sweater, pulling him closer, kissing him back, hungrily.

Fuck the reasons! Fuck the ... FUCK!

This was just too good to resist! Next thing he knew, Simon was on his lap, feeling his way into Wille’s mouth with a hot and curious tongue. The world around Wille started to blur, as he boldly slid his hands under Simon’s cozy sweater to let them explore the soft, warm skin on his back and sides.

Oh God, that waist is so small, I can literally circle it with one arm!

Wilhelm felt a twitch in his tight trousers, as Simon moved eagerly on top of him while kissing Wille with growing intensity.

Holy shit, I’m dying.

It was all that he could think as Simon pressed him against the back of the sofa, working his black painted fingernails into the skin on his neck and ferociously ruffling through Wille’s hair. Wilhelm’s brain was shut dead, his body working on autopilot as he was losing himself in the burning hot embrace of the flyweight dancer on his lap. He didn’t know how long they had tried to eat each other’s faces, when suddenly an alarm went off and made them jump midkiss. In utter panic, Wille threw Simon off him, eyes flying to the door that he expected to open any second, trying to put himself together clumsily. Simon took a second to recover from the shock, half sitting half lying on the rear end of the couch where Wille had pushed him, until he let out a nervous laugh and fumbled for his shrill chiming cellphone. A quick confirmation to the person in the line followed and Simon got up from the couch, shoving his mobile into his pocket, uttering a nervous little laugh.

“Food is here”, he said with a blush and walked out the door to get the delivery.

Wille released a heavy sigh, his heart madly racing away in his chest. He drove a nervous hand through his hair and brushed some remains of saliva – his own or Simon’s, who knew – off the corner of his mouth with his sleeve before he got up on shaky legs and followed his host out of the studio.

They met in the small kitchen, where Simon put the white plastic bag with the delivery food on the table. A delicious smell leaked through the styrofoam boxes, good to successfully divert Wille’s attention. He sat down next to Simon at the round wooden table, watching as the curly boy unpacked their lunch. Simon caught his gaze and looked back at him, a bashful smirk escaping his lips. He handed out fork and spoon to Wille and they eagerly dug into their meals, relieved to escape the weird atmosphere that was about to sink in on them, when suddenly Simon jumped from his seat. He left and returned seconds later with a white sheet of paper and a pen which he placed on the table in front of Wille.

“We should think of some lyrics while we eat”, he explained. “Stefan is gonna kick our asses, if we don’t come up with SOMETHING.”

Wille nodded consent while chewing on a piece of chicken and pulled the paper towards him. Without further ado, he put the pen down and started to write. Simon watched him with growing curiosity. Wille didn’t look up or make any effort to involve him in this project, he just scribbled on and on while shoving spoonsfull of rice and gravy into his mouth with the other hand. A few quick minutes later the pen landed on the table and the last remains of his Chicken Masala disappeared in Wille’s trap. Simon stared at him in disbelief.

“Aren’t you gonna finish that?”, Wille asked, pointing towards Simon’s half eaten meal.

Simon didn’t bother to answer and picked up the sheet of paper instead. It was stained with greasy sprinkles and Wille’s handwriting was a mess, but he could make some sense out of the words if he tried.

I know we shouldn’t, but we like that drill
Hard to kill
Nothing can change how you make me come alive
No I can’t seem to get you off my mind

Simon's eyebrows shot up.

Wow, this is some good shit!

“How did you write this so quickly?”

Wille leaned back on his chair and cracked his knuckles. The smile he gave Simon was slightly amused.

“You know that I have a degree in music, right? I have studied this for four years of my life. It’d better not be for nothing.”

He has a freaking musical degree?

Albeit late, Simon figured he probably should have done some research on him instead of just assuming things.

But this explains quite something.

His eyes trailed back to the paper.

And every time you leave
It’s getting harder and harder to breathe
I know I can’t make you mine
Oh, but all of this passion is making me blind

Simon felt a hot sting rummage deep down inside his belly. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like eating anymore for a thick lump was starting to form in his throat. Still, he tried to keep it cool.

“But how did you come up with this out of nowhere?”

“Actually, I’ve already done some writing back at the hotel last night”, Wille admitted, lowering his gaze and pouting his lips. “It’s basically what comes to my mind when I look at you”, he murmured, cheekbones slightly blushing at his bold words while his finger traced invisible patterns on the kitchen table. He never would have voiced these thoughts to Simon in a normal situation. Wille was a flirtatious character if he set his mind to it, but he was never intrusive. Only, the fact that he had breathed the hot air from his co-stars gaping mouth just a few minutes ago filled him with some confidence concerning that sexual harassment-problem.

Simon blushed. He couldn’t help it. Had that guy just written a song about how hot he was? Simon’s heart was about to give a flattered jump, but he reached out and caught it, gripped it tightly and pushed it back down in its place.

Don’t, he told himself, while trying hard to focus on his food, that had become cold a while ago.

Wille might be sweet and looking like a wet dream, but Simon knew who he was: a LA fuckboy, who was widely known to be irresistible, seductive – and never looking back. And also the rest of the lyrics were rather explicitly sexual, repelling Simon a little and turning him on at the same time.

This is not a good idea.

But then – he had already kissed him, so what? Simon was a grown ass man after all – even if he didn’t feel like one most of the time – so why couldn’t he have some fun?

“This is too slippery. We can’t sing it like that”, he protested, not giving in to Wille’s flirting while he got up and started to clear the table.

Wille eyed him up and down as Simon moved in the kitchen and produced a cheeky smile.

“I think we can”, he stated, got up from his chair and sneaked over to Simon, who was done with the quick cleaning and now leaned against the counter, facing him. “The fans are gonna eat this up!”, Wille stated in a convincing tone as he closed in on Simon and playfully placed his hands on the boy’s limber hips, gently pulling him closer.

Simon felt goosebumps blooming on his sides and back under the touch of those soft palms. And why the hell did it feel like they somewhat belonged in that exact place, fingertips sinking into his skin like it was their original mould? Apparently, Wilhlem's awkward shyness of the last days had gone down the trash together with the food boxes – and Simon's self-control was about to jump right after. There was only desire left now, his lap yearning to reconnect with the weight of his colleague, who was barely inches away. There they stood, close enough to touch their lips again if Wille had just tilted his head down a little more. Simon felt hot sparks running along his spine, his breath caught in his pipe and his heart hammered against his chest like a prisoner, screaming to be released.

Fuck it!

All he wanted was to give in to his aching body, to get closer to this impossible man who smelled like pure luxury, like the sun and the ocean and was slowly caressing the patch around his hip bones with his slender hands.

Those hands that played the piano and the guitar with a passion that made Simon wonder whether they applied the same enthusiasm to a boy’s body.

Sure they did.

He wanted to lean in to these hands and the warmth of their associated limbs, to wrap himself up in the smell of skin and hair and breath of that tall blond boy, creep into him and wrap all of him around himself like a cozy blanket. Simon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was about time – his lungs were short from screaming. He was ready. Softly, he lifted his head up for Wille to gain access to his slightly parted lips, his chin, his neck and whatever else the boy could want to touch with his. He was ready to be devoured by this beautiful bastard who had stepped into his life half a week ago and never left his thoughts since.

I can’t get you off my mind. Tell me about it!

-----

Song: Omar Rudberg, Off my mind

I'm in the mood for a long, long night,
Switch the light
Body so fine, can I get that one last ride?
Baby, one more time

I know we shouldn't, but we like that drill
Hard to kill
Nothing can change how you make me come alive
No, I can't seem to get you off my mind

We don't gotta take it slow
Say no more
Lobster and patrone, we can make out on the floor
Baby, lock the door

We can love it all tonight
You don't have to talk polite
Let's do it one more time

And every time you leave
It's getting harder and harder to breathe
I know I can't make you mine
But all of this passion is making me blind
No, I can't seem to get you off my mind

Don't you wanna do it all again?
We can do it all over the shhh
Baby, you can kiss me down my neck, go slowly

Dale, baby
Dolla' pa la babe
Dime yes, si te gusta como estás
Un pasito para 'elante, para atrás (all night)

No, I can't seem to get you off my mind

Chapter Text

The thundering sound of the basement door came unexpected. Although they should have known Stefan would be back anytime, it hadn’t really entered their thoughts. Wille stood back in an instant when the sound engineer appeared in the arc that separated the open kitchen from the hallway. Simon turned on his heel and started to fish for one of the last two glasses that had been pushed right to the rear of the upper kitchen shelf to get his dry throat something to drink.

“What’s up boys? You’ve been busy while I was gone?”

The walk and some lunch had obviously brightened Stefan’s mood. His content grin became even wider when Wille handed him the paper sheet with his lyric sketch. Sheet in hand, Stefan turned and directed his steps to the studio, humming the melody of the newborn song to himself. Wille approached Simon from behind, reached out and handed down the glass Simon was still trying to retrieve, standing on tiptoe and muttering some grumpy Swedish swearwords to himself. It was the most adorable thing Wilhelm had ever witnessed.

Back in the studio they put their efforts into puzzling music and lyrics together. Stefan didn’t think the words were too spicy, but Simon was still a little uneasy about them.

“We can make out on the floor”, he muttered. “Which floor? The dance floor? Or the floor floor?”

“You choose”, Wilhelm smiled and wriggled an eyebrow.

Simon blushed and turned a quick eye on Stefan to see if he had noticed. But the man was engaged with his mixing panel and didn’t pay any attention to their conversation. So Simon let out a defeated sigh and set to write some lines in Spanish for the bridge part. He wanted to contribute something to this sex coded masterpiece at last. Wille walked towards him and looked over his shoulder as Simon was scribbling, crossing out and scribbling again. His writing wasn’t nearly as straight forward as Willes’, but in the end he found his lines were ok-ish. Wille’s breath, that tenderly brushed against his cheek and still smelled slightly curry, gave Simon the chills.

“Sweet”, Wilhelm said, as his eyes scanned the paper.

“Do you like it?”, Simon asked, holding up the sheet with his finished lines on it.

“Me gusta”, Wilhelm answered softly, clicking his tongue, neatly concealing, that he didn’t have the vaguest clue about what the boy had written.

When they ended their long workday this evening, both were tired, but still excited. The song made good progress and they had even been able to record some first lines. Tomorrow would all be singing, and they were really looking forward to that session.

“What do you want to do now?”, Wilhelm asked, as they climbed up the few steps of the stone stairs that led down to the vaults they had spent their last hours in. He would definitely not go back to the hotel yet.

“I thought I’d take you out for dinner, as we have been working so hard”, Simon smiled, clapping his hands together. “I think we deserve that, and I want to be a good host after all. There’s a special place where I go with my family. I want to show it to you. Hope you like tapas!”

The owner of the little Catalan restaurant in a concealed Stockholm side alley greeted Simon with open arms. He was flustered when Simon introduced Wilhelm and directed them to a cozy private table which he had prepared for them in a corner of the room. An extra screen had been put up to prevent the singers from being perceived by the other customers and secured that they could enjoy their meal in privacy. They didn’t need to order as the chef was eager to treat them with an outrageous variety of delicious creations from his kitchen. The owner himself proudly produced voluptuous amounts of dark red Spanish wine and it wasn’t long until the boys moaned with stuffed stomachs, lips shining with olive oil and cheeks glowing in the cozy obscurity of the place. There was talk and laughter, their hands touching here an there as by accident over the small plates and bowls that were scattered all over the table and their eyes frequently diving into each other for as long as they dared without drawing too much attention from the staff.

This is by far the best date I’ve ever had, Wilhelm thought, as Simon’s melodious laugh filled the air between them, although it wasn’t even a date really.
Call it a business dinner.

He chuckled at the thought and took another sip from his big wine glass. His stomach was hurting a bit and his head was buzzing as he watched Simon from across the table, his curls which were perfectly tamed by some secret spell, his dark eyes that looked almost black in the candlelight, his small fingers that were delicately dipping food into the salsa the boy loved so much he had reordered another bowl. Everything around him felt dreamy and Wilhelm didn’t want this night to ever end. At the same time he felt a strong urge to get up from his seat, or else he would drink another glass of Rioja and probably fall asleep face down on his plate.

The owner wouldn’t let them pay. He was still agitated by them visiting his restaurant together and insisted that an autograph from Wille would be enough of the honor. But leaving their vast bill with him made Simon feel uneasy, especially as he came here with his mother now and then, and she would definitely not approve of him skipping the bill. Wilhelm came up with an idea.

“Is this mirror of any sentimental value?”, he asked and pointed to a large, antique looking gold rimmed mirror right above the bar.

“How about, we sign it?”, he suggested, after the owner had said no, it was just a piece of decoration. “So you get at least some promotion out of this.”

The staff was delighted, so Simon and Wille climbed up on the bar and wrote with thick black marker: Best tapas in town! Thanx 4 everything. Love, Simon Eriksson & Wilhelm Saunders.

It looks like a giant wedding card, Simon thought, as he got down from the counter – apart from the tapas, that was.

The night was quite warm, but a steady early spring-wind was blowing into their faces as they strolled down the sidewalk. A lot of people were out, although it was almost eleven pm – it was a Friday night after all. But no one paid attention to the two guys walking close to each other in the half shadow, wrapped up in their cozy winter jackets.

“Where are you taking me?”, Wilhelm asked as the quay came into sight, but Simon just smiled at him.

On they went without further words, each lost in their own thoughts, breathing in the cool freshness of the night and slowly recovering from the overfeeding and the alcohol. They passed the first bridge and Wilhelm followed Simon on tortuous paths through Gamla Stan, crisscrossing through a bunch of little alleyways adorned with cozy cafés and small shops, all closed now. Wilhelm had tried to keep track in which direction they were heading, but very soon he had to admit that he was completely lost.

“Okay, I’m at your mercy now”, he laughed and Simon’s eyes fired a sassy flash in his direction.

“So you better be nice”, he purred and took Wilhelm’s hand into his. It was warm and soft, and once more Simon found himself picturing what these hands could do to his skin if he’d only let them. Wilhelm let himself be dragged along without resistance. The night sky was clear, the black horizon dotted with plenty of stars and an almost full moon that sent its shine down on them, struggling against the yellow glow of the street lamps. Another bridge passed by under their feet as they headed to Södermalm, and right when Wilhelm was about to ask if they were walking all the way to Denmark, Simon stopped.

“This is one of the best places in Stockholm”, he said, pointing into a narrow path that ran high up above the shore of lake Mälar. When they entered the Montelius pathway, Wille’s jaw dropped with astonishment. The skyline of Stockholm, towering against a nightblack sky, bathed in the golden light of the street lamps, lay right at his feet on the opposite side of the shore. They walked on for a few minutes to get the best view along the path, then stopped and leaned against the low stone wall that protected them from tumbling down the hill right onto one of the small hotel boats which were tied to the pier at its foot. Simon propped his head up on his arms and sent a dreamy gaze out over the lake. He loved this place. In daytime it was crowded with chattering tourists and drunkards who occupied the benches and lamented life in coarse voices. But at night, especially at the weekend when everybody headed for the clubs and bars, this place was magical.

“What do you think?”, he asked Wilhelm without turning his head away from the beauty of the view. “Was is worth the walk?”

“Beautiful”, was all Wilhelm could produce.

At the crack of his voice, Simon turned his head to see what was wrong. He faced Wille who was leaning next to him, back to the wall, looking intensely at Simon’s profile.

“You don’t even look”, Simon complained, pushed away from the wall and straightened up.

“I do!”, Wille exclaimed in self defense as he softly grabbed Simon by the collar of his thick gray down jacket and pulled him in.

The kiss was better than any kiss they had shared before, intense and gentle this time, filled with aching desire. Time stood still around them as they drowned in the tenderness of the other, tasting their vital forces, feeling their ways forward with their soft tongues, dancing around each other and feeling the warmth oft their skin and breath against the cooling breeze of the night.

“We definitely shouldn’t be doing this”, Simon whispered with his forehead resting against Wilhelm’s, hands tightly clenched into the fabric of his jacket.

“No, we should not”, Wilhelm chuckled and placed a soft kiss on Simon’s cheekbone.

“Management is gonna kill us”, Simon continued, eyes closed, enjoying Wilhelm’s soft lips grazing the skin of his face.

“Management, media, the fans – everybody”, Wille agreed against Simon’s temple. “We better make sure no one sees us.”

The universe agreed and right at this moment a big cloud moved in front of the moon, darkening the night as they walked back to Wilhelm’s hotel.

------

Song: Jason Mraz, Let’s see what the night can do

Let's drive out to the desert at midnight
To dance in the dust of our headlights
And score some good seats for the sunrise
And get dressed up in clothes we don't mind getting messed up
When no one will know how to get us
We don't need the map, we'll just drive, drive, drive

I wanna get lost with you
And hide out, out under the light of the moon
I wanna get lost with you
And see what it's like to spend the whole night
With you, just you
You, just you

We can head North over the oceans of turquoise
Where after a while there'll be no noise
Set for the sound of our heartbeats beating on
And we'll stand in the Canyon alone
Singing our favorite songs
And wait for the words to return in the echo, echo, echo, echo, echo

I wanna get lost with you
And hideout out under the light of the moon
I wanna get lost with you
And see what it's like to spend the whole night
With you, just you

'Cause I wanna get lost
Let's see what the night can do
I wanna get lost
Let's see what the night can do
I wanna get lost

Let's see what the night can do 
Let's see what our hearts wanna do
I wanna know what it's like to spend the whole night
With you, just you

Chapter Text

Simon gasped when they entered Wilhelm’s suite on the upper floor of the Grand Hotel. He’s always been well lodged when traveling, but this was a whole new level. The suite took up a good part of the storey, building a flat of four rooms with a luxury bathroom and a big lounge area. It was bigger than Simon’s entire apartment. Lush oriental carpets and thick velvety curtains gave the suite a cozy atmosphere – still it seemed far too big to accommodate only one person. Wilhelm caught Simon’s wide open eyes and grimaced.

“I hate these large hotel rooms. I always try to get something smaller, but they just keep putting me into these freaking presidents’ suites. It makes me feel super uncomfortable and lonely. I’ve stayed in rooms big enough I could hear my own echo!”

Simon turned towards him and ran a playful hand down his chest.

“Well, you’re not lonely now”, he whispered and gave his head a flirtatious tilt, that made Wilhelm’s eyes spark.

He grabbed the tall guy’s neck and pulled him down towards him, losing himself in a hungry kiss that made absolutely clear he had not come here to talk architecture.

Wille directed him to the bedroom with a huge double bed sitting right in the middle of a sumptuously decorated chamber. It was still messed up from the last night he had spent there all by himself, for Wille didn’t allow room service in his private space, unless it was absolutely necessary. He didn’t remember how they had lost all their clothes on the way, but the moment, he laid Simon down in the disheveled sheets, he was short from exploding with thirst for him. His hands were slightly trembling as they slid along the slender boy’s chest and sides, grabbed his thighs and ever found new spots and pieces of tanned skin they hadn’t caressed yet.

Wilhelm couldn’t take his gaze off Simon’s face with his eyes closed and lips apart, thoroughly enjoying Wille’s affection. And again Wilhelm wondered how one regular guy could ever be this beautiful. Strange but true, this endearing flower would be all his in the hours to come. Wilhelm would lay his hands upon him, taste and inhale him, bite and caress him, serve him until his lush, shiny lips would sigh with pleasure. He couldn’t wait to hear those moans, couldn’t keep himself from fantasizing, even as he worked his way round Simon’s body to feel and squeeze his butt, tight and muscular from all the dancing he loved to do so much.

His fantasies were fucking with his mind and body in a way that made Wille suddenly hesitate to dive further into the taste of Simon’s skin, for fear it would all be over far too soon. So he restrained himself and stopped to catch a breath. Simon opened his eyes and smiled at him, driving his hands up Wille’s bare back and ending up scurrying through his blond strands. Wilhelm leaned in for a kiss and, laughing into each others mouths, they rolled over, Simon landing on top of him. Propped up on one elbow, Simon closely examined Wille, a tenderness swelling in his eyes, that made Wilhelm’s heart skip a beat. Simon’s fingers trailed along the outlines of his face, his jawline, the curves of his lips, his eyebrows – just like he was trying to sketch a map of Wilhelm’s features.

Unreal. This is unreal, Wille was thinking, when he felt a thrilling twitch, induced by Simon’s delicate touch, that crept up his neck and made the little hairs on his arms stand on edge.

Wille cupped his large hand over Simon’s jawline and placed a hungry kiss on his mouth, tongue feverishly absorbing his flavor. They were both hard as bricks and Wille’s stomach already started to get sticky in the place where Simon’s hip was pressing against his. Smoothly, Simon’s lips made their way down Wille’s throat and collarbone to his breast, caressing his nipples one by one until they stood at attention like soldiers. Down he continued his journey, leaving a wet trace on Wille’s skin, kissing the soft spots around his groin. Wille burst into a giggle in spite of his arousal, because he was awfully ticklish in that place, and Simon looked up at him with a diabolical grin. 

“Don’t!”, Wille pleaded, for he knew if Simon would play the tickling game, he would turn into a silly, cackling mess.

Fortunately, the glint in Simon’s eyes shifted back from sass to hunger as he found Wilhelm’s expectant cock towering right in front of his nose. He cast a last – slightly slutty – glance at Wille’s face before he dived in and put his lips around the pulsing shaft. Wille threw his head back in excitement as Simon expertly ran his tongue up and down his length, causing hot shivers to pierce through Wilhelm’s body. He had definitely had blowjobs before, but non of them had ever sent him levitating like this. Evidently, Simon’s luscious lips were not only good for singing. Simon went on sucking and rubbing his tongue and lips over him until a series of feral, guttural sounds rolled over Wilhelm’s lips. Eager with excitement he shoved his hand into Simon’s hair, pulling the curls with agitation, thrusting his hips upward in desire. A gurgling sound escaped Simon’s throat as Wille pushed into him with no warning. Simon could keep himself from choking, but his eyes started to water, as another thrust tore down his gullet, and another one. His hand shot forward on Wille’s hips and pressed them down, holding them firmly in place as he eluded suffocation and let go of Wilhelm’s dick with a gasp. It was only now that Wille realized his ferocity, and he got up on his elbows, staring at Simon with concern and guilt written onto his features. 

“I’m sorry!”, Wilhelm stammered. “I didn’t mean to … I mean, I … did I hurt you?”

Simon wiped his wet lips and chin where his saliva had run down with the back of his hand and shook his head, fairly amused by Wilhelm’s sudden anxiety.

“No. I just didn’t see it coming”, he explained, giving a sexy smirk. “But it was kinda hot.”

Wilhelm pulled Simon up and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tight while slowly driving a comforting hand up and down his naked back. 

“Don’t you want me to finish you off?”, Simon asked, curiously looking up at Wille. 

“No”, Wille sighed, placing a tender kiss on Simon’s forehead, tasting the thin layer of salty sweat that his thoughtless moves had brought to Simon’s skin. “I don’t want it to be over yet.” 

His free hand lightly danced on Simon’s hip, making its’ way to his sex that had been rock hard while he was blowing Wille, but was now just about to relax. A little moan jumped from Simon’s breast when Wille tightened his grip around him and started to stroke him firmly but tenderly back into strength. Simon’s cheeks blushed as hot blood rushed into them, and he tilted his head upwards, lips protruding, begging to be kissed. The blond boy was willing to serve and sunk his mouth down on the blessed cave that had been so close to driving him crazy a few moments earlier. Wille felt a shudder going through Simon’s fine body when he applied his fingernails on the skin of his back. The curly boy arched his shoulder blades and pressed his hip against Wilhelm’s, grinding himself in his hand as his breath started to race. 

The sheer sight of the beautiful young man melting away under his hands, pushing himself in his tight grip, made Wille pant, his pupils dilating with greed. But there was more to it. It wasn’t purely the sex that was captivating him in this extreme manner. He didn’t even care about his throbbing dick as much which was still expecting to be released from the strain. He wanted to worship this gorgeous boy with all his might, yearned to see the sparkle of joy in his eyes and feel the warmth of his body on his own. He wanted to claim him for himself, hold him tight and never let him go.

“I want you!”, Wille breathed into his ear as Simon rubbed the side of his face on his bare shoulder like a cat.

He let go of Simon and freed himself enough from his tight embrace to reach the nightstand. He was always prepared wherever he stayed, and it was easy for him to get hold of the lube and condom pack in the drawer. Simon eyed him, and Wille was surprised to find a worried look on his face.

Wait, am I rushing things?

He didn’t want to scare the boy away whose expression had suddenly changed from hot lust to quivering Bambi-eyes. 

“Are you okay?”

The question seemed to irritate Simon and he searched for words. “Ehm, yeah, sure”, he stammered, forcing a smile.

“You don’t look like you are”, Wille stated, clearly sensing the boy’s discomfort. He reached out for Simon’s hand and intertwined his long fingers with his. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“I do!”, Simon quickly exclaimed. “It’s just, uhmm, I haven’t done this part very often … and … I don’t know, I kinda … well, the last times I tried, I didn’t like it very much.” 

Simon uneasily lowered his gaze and stared into the mattress. Wilhelm smiled. How cute he was – and how vulnerable. It was then, at this moment, in that big ass hotel bed in a room full of silk and velvet that he silently swore to himself, he would never ever hurt this boy, but rather die instead. 

“How about you do the other part then?”, Wille asked softly, smirking a smile and holding the condom pack out to Simon, who looked up at him with a surprised expression.

A big smile split his face and radiated out into the room, blinding Wille and instantly bringing back his desire. They kissed with a revived passion and it didn’t take long until Simon was on top of Wilhelm, finding confidence in his role and pushing into him, carefully and slow at first, then harder and quicker as Wille grabbed his hips and arched against him in a wild thrill. Being so close to Simon, letting him into his most intimate place, sharing the passion and the heat and staring into these unearthly dark brown eyes while he was rocking him into heaven, made Wille want to faint. When Simon expelled a deep growl that seemed to rise all the way up from the depths of his subconscious and buried his face in the crook of Wille’s neck, panting heavily, Wille gave in and released the strain on himself with a high pitched sigh. Glued together by a tight embrace and the sticky mess that Wille’s climax had left on his own stomach, they remained motionless, hearts hammering against each other, only their chests rising and falling, their racing breaths slowly calming down. A little chuckle escaped Simon’s throat as he pushed himself up to look into Wilhelm’s eyes. Wilhelm felt stupid, showing off a delulu idiot smile on his face, but he couldn’t help it, and Simon didn’t seem to mind.

After they had peeled off each other and cleaned themselves up in the bathroom, the boys crept back into bed and cuddled up under the linen covers. And although the atmosphere was cozy and their mood relaxed, Wilhelm found himself pondering on Simon’s caution and the hurt look in his eyes earlier that night. He wasn’t sure if it was the right time and place, but he needed to know.

“Can I ask you something?”, he inquired, lips muzzled into Simon’s coal-colored curls.

“Hm” Simon grunted lazily, already on the verge of sleep.

“Did I scare you? You know, earlier. I really didn’t want to rush, I’m sorry.”

Simon opened his eyes and looked up. A sudden sadness stole into his gaze. “It’s nothing.”, he murmured reassuringly. “Only – my ex-boyfriend used to be rather … rough. He didn’t ever ask, I was unprepared. So I never really got the vibe. He just did what he wanted and kinda run me over.”

Wille took a deep breath.

Never hurt him. Never ever hurt him or rather die. How could anyone in this world think differently? Who was that bastard, that had given this little cat pain? Who had used him, not giving shit about his wellbeing? Wille felt a burning lump form in his guts. 

“That’s basically rape!”, he hissed in an upset tone. 

Simon closed his eyes and breathed slowly against Wille’s chest. “It’s okay. It has passed. Just forget about it.” He reached out and tenderly stroked Wille’s cheek, then let his hand fall down to his chest, where it rested. 

A few moments later, Simon was fast asleep. Wille checked his watch. It was half past two. About time to get some sleep. But the rage about Simon’s ex rummaged in his body and it took him a while to calm himself down. In the end, Simon’s warm skin, his weight upon Wille’s body and the smell of his hair did their deed, and he finally dozed off. 

-----

Song: Ed Sheeran, Shivers

I took an arrow to the heart
I never kissed a mouth that tastes like yours
Strawberries and somethin' more
Ooh yeah, I want it all

Lipstick on my guitar
Fill up the engine, we can drive real far
Go dancin' underneath the stars
Ooh yeah, I want it all

Mm, you got me feelin' like
I wanna be that guy, I wanna kiss your eyes
I wanna drink that smile, I wanna feel like I'm
Like my soul's on fire, I wanna stay up all day and all night
Yeah, you got me singin' like

Ooh, I love it when you do it like that
And when you're close up, give me the shivers
Oh baby, you wanna dance 'til the sunlight cracks
And when they say the party's over, then we'll bring it right back

And we'll say, ooh, I love it when you do it like that
And when you're close up, give me the shivers
Oh baby, you wanna dance 'til the sunlight cracks
And when they say the party's over, then we'll bring it right back

Into the car
On the backseat in the moonlit dark
Wrap me up between your legs and arms
Ooh, I can't get enough

You know you could tear me apart
Put me back together and take my heart
I never thought that I could love this hard
Ooh, I can't get enough

Mm, you got me feeling like
I wanna be that guy, I wanna kiss your eyes
I wanna drink that smile, I wanna feel like I'm
Like my soul's on fire, I wanna stay up all day and all night
Yeah, you got me singin' like

Ooh, I love it when you do it like that
And when you're close up, give me the shivers
Oh baby, you wanna dance 'til the sunlight cracks
And when they say the party's over, then we'll bring it right back

Baby, you burn so hot
You make me shiver with the fire you got
This thing we started, I don't want it to stop
You know you make me shiver
Yeah, you got me singin' like

Ooh, I love it when you do it like that
And when you're close up, give me the shivers
Oh baby, you wanna dance 'til the sunlight cracks
And when they say the party's over, then we'll bring it right back 

Chapter Text

When Wille opened his sleepy eyes the next morning, his arms were empty – and so was his bed. It took him a while to realize where he was and what had happened. Eagerly he freed his legs from the tangled bedsheets and got up, a sudden panic rising in his chest. This was weird. Usually Wille felt more of a relief when his one-night-stands let themselves out without disturbing him. Making them leave in the morning was the worst part of casual sex with strangers, and he was always happy when they were polite enough to spare him the effort. But he didn’t want Simon to be gone.

No please!

Not only would it be awkward as hell, as they were supposed to spend one last day in the studio together. He also didn’t think he could cope with Simon just leaving him without a goodbye. Wille put a hand to his breast to support his breathing that had become unsteady as anxiety pierced through him. 
He was already halfway out the room, when he was startled by a familiar sound.

A melody?

Yes, it definitely was, and it came from the bathroom. Wilhelm stopped and carefully listened to the tune, that was slowly swelling, until he could well discern Simon’s velvety voice, producing some fetching, full hearted runs, that made Wilhelm’s eyes widen with admiration.

That boy really is an excellent singer!

He was still rubbing his palm against his ribcage, softly breathing out through his pursed lips to calm the upcoming hyperventilation, when Wilhelm opened the bathroom door and froze in place. The whole room was obscured by fog. A hot wave of steam enshrouded Wilhelm and he needed a second to adopt his eyes to the sight which spread before him. Simon stood in front of the huge mirror, meddling with his wet hair, shoving his curls this way and that, a huge bath towel losely wrapped around his waist, singing his heart out at full volume. He jumped, when he noticed Wille and turned to him with an apologetic smile.

“Jävla, förlåt, did I wake you up?”

Wilhelm broke into a smile, wide with relief and delight. Simon blushed a little, which was the most endearing sight to see.

“I always sing in the shower. I tried to be quiet, but sometimes I get carried away.”

Wilhelm disappeared for a minute and when he returned, Simon was wrapped up in a thick and cozy bath robe that he had found, hair sitting perfectly and skin glowing. 

“I ordered some breakfast.”, Wille smiled. “Can you take it, while I’m in the shower?”

Simon nodded with cheerful eyes, lips puckered in approval.

When Wilhelm got out of the bathroom he found Simon lazily sprawled out on a padded chair at the big dining table, munching on a wide range of treats the hotel kitchen had prepared for them and delivered to the room on a silver trolley. The oversized robe stood open at his chest and revealed some finely chiseled abs and a lot of perfectly smooth skin almost down to his navel. Wilhelm would have loved to dive into it, to rip the white cloth from his shoulders and sink his teeth into the luscious boy’s neck like a vampire. But Simon really seemed to enjoy his feast, so Wille sat down opposite, propped his head on his hand and watched his visitor heave scrambled egg, pancakes and fruit onto his plate and between his shiny lips. 

“This is amazing!”, Simon gushed, eyes sparkling, as he helped himself to another cup of coffee. “I feel like Pretty Woman.”

“You are”, Wilhelm purred softly.

Simon pulled his eyebrows together in an upset manner. “Did you just call me a whore?”

“No”, Wille fended him off, “I just called you pretty.”

Simon rolled his eyes but took the compliment with a bashful smirk. “I never got, why she just nibbled on that dry croissant, though. I mean – look at this!”, he babbled on, pointing over the loaded table with his fork. “Can you pass me the honey, please?”

Wilhelm snorted a laugh as he handed him the honey jar. “You drink your coffee with honey? You’re a baby girl!”

Simon shot him another pissed glance, that made him look even more adorable in Wille’s eyes. “What time is it, actually?”

“Half past ten.”

Simon blew over his coffee, making big eyes. “We’re supposed to be at the studio at eleven.”

Wille got up to look for his phone. “I’ll call a car.”

“I don’t even have fresh clothes. I can’t show up with the same I wore yesterday”, Simon frowned.

“I can drop you off at your place and go to the studio. You change and follow after.”

“I’ll be late then.”

“Since when do you bother?”, Wilhelm chuckled and earned another reproachful look. 

They spent the rest of the day recording Off my mind, getting close at the microphone and breathing each others air as they pronounced the slippery lyrics that had obtained a new meaning in between them. Baby, you can kiss me down my neck, go slowly – Wille’s hair stood on edge and he had to restrain himself to not tent up in his jeans, when very recent memories about very real kisses on the neck shot into his agitated mind. It killed him that they didn’t have a chance to get close to each other as all kinds of people kept coming and going all day. The song was safely taped in the late afternoon and Stefan had just spent a round of bottled beer for them all when Simon’s phone came to life with a couple of bings. 

“The Young Royals crew chat goes wild”, Simon grinned and looked at Wille. “They’ve spotted our picture on Insta, and now they all want to meet you.”

“I want to meet them, too!”, Wilhelm exclaimed, experiencing a little rare fangirl moment. 

“We can all go to Sky Bar tonight”, Simon suggested. “I’ll book the VIP gallery, so it’s safe for you.”

Said and agreed, they each went back to their places to change into party dress, and Wilhelm picked Simon up with his driver a few hours later to go to the club where they met up with the other cast members of the famous TV show. Henry, Felice, Sarah, August, Vincent, Walter and a lot more gathered around them on the balcony of the crammed club to get their hands on Wille, talk to him and take selfies with the superstar. Wilhelm himself felt like a birthday boy, meeting all the actors of the show he loved so much. He ordered two preposterously expensive magnum bottles of champagne and told the bartender to write all on his invoice.
 
“Drinks on me!”, he exclaimed, lifting his glass over his head and receiving loud cheers from the party. 

The happiest hours passed as they danced the night away to ear deafening beats and flickering lights. The later it got and the more drinks they had, the more Wilhelm struggled to hold his distance to Simon who was shooting him ecstatic looks across the place now and then. His co-singer clearly sensed Wilhelm’s agony as he started to tease him by licking his lips or visibly moving his tongue inside his mouth when nobody was looking. The way the sassy boy used to casually touch his crotch when he danced drove Wilhelm wild, and he sincerely considered to pull him into the toilet and tear down his clothes on the spot. No way he would drop him off at his apartment on the way back tonight. He would lock the car doors if he had to, but this Tabasco queen would end up in his bed – again. And forever, if he had it his way. 

The party people whined in protest when the club closed and they were politely but firmly kicked out to continue their night elsewhere. Clubs closed weirdly early in Sweden, but Wille didn’t mind. He had had the time of his life with the cast, but the prospect of another night with Simon made up for the sudden end. When they were safely seated in the back of the limousine on their way to the hotel, the fact that it would also be their last night together crept into his thoughts. It gave him a little cramp in his stomach and he covertly looked over at Simon, who was all scratched up and fervently singing along to his favorite Spotify playlist. Back in his suite they jumped each other, making up for the long hours of yearning that lay behind them. They didn’t even make it to the bedroom this time but threw themselves right onto the big couch, pawing and giggling, drinking each others joy as they ripped off their shirts and pants to get down to the core of their desire. Full of heat they got into a little wrestling battle that sent them off the sofa and to the carpeted floor. The world started to spin as Wilhelm went down on Simon, getting even hotter as the sweet boy clutched his hands into the thick white carpet and moaned his exquisite sighs when Wilhelm dived into his groin and gave him a severe adventure. Wille didn’t let go of him, even as Simon pulled his hair, whispering close under his hot gasps. He shoved both his hands under the lean boy’s body and grabbed his ass, squeezing the voluptuous buttocks as his head slid up and down his length, licking and slurping the delicious stand. 

“Mhmmnn … Wilhelm”, Simon whined, twitching in his grip. “Mhhm … ughhh … no … c-coming!”

Simon tried to get Wilhelm to take his mouth off him with erratic moves of his hands, but the thirsty boy refused to let go. Flexing all the muscles in his body, Simon arched his back and let out a little scream that turned into an elongated, quivering sigh. Wille groaned when Simon’s hot load shot into his throat and swallowed greedily, enjoying the taste of him on his tongue and the wild jolts of his body through his climax. With hot passion in his eyes Wilhelm sucked him dry and cleaned up his twitching sex with his tongue to not spill a drop of him while Simon slowly rode out his orgasm, whimpering under Wille’s careful lapping on his overstimulated skin. Simon was still shaking with agitation as Wilhelm pulled him up in his arms and carried him to the bedroom, where he gently put him down in the soft pillows. Under Wilhelm’s passionate kisses, his strength quickly returned and there was no doubt, none of the boys would be left empty handed that night. It was almost four when they finally gave in to their aching bodies and sore lips and granted each other a little bit of rest. Before Wilhelm allowed his eyes to fall shut, he thoroughly pulled the covers over his sun kissed visitor, who lay by his side, exhausted and bare, already asleep in the sweet afterglow of their love. 

-----

Song: Billie Eilish, Birds of a feather

I want you to stay
'Til I'm in the grave
'Til I rot away, dead and buried
'Til I'm in the casket you carry

If you go, I'm going too, uh
'Cause it was always you, alright
And if I'm turning blue, please don't save me
Nothing left to lose without my baby

Birds of a feather, we should stick together, I know
I said I'd never think I wasn't better alone
Can't change the weather, might not be forever
But if it's forever, it's even better

And I don't know what I'm crying for
I don't think I could love you more
It might not be long, but baby, I

I'll love you 'til the day that I die
'Til the day that I die
'Til the light leaves my eyes
'Til the day that I die

I want you to see
How you look to me
You wouldn't believe if I told ya

You would keep the compliments I throw ya
But you're so full of shit
Tell me it's a bit
Say you don't see it, your mind's polluted
Say you wanna quit, don't be stupid

And I don't know what I'm crying for
I don't think I could love you more
Might not be long, but baby, I
Don't wanna say goodbye

Birds of a feather, we should stick together, I know 
I said I'd never think I wasn't better alone
Can't change the weather, might not be forever 
But if it's forever, it's even better

I knew you in another life
You had that same look in your eyes
I love you, don't act so surprised

Chapter Text

Sweet, so sweet was the taste, so soft the touch, so deep the gaze – he wanted to drown in that gaze, lose himself in the abyss of these umbra eyes, sink to the bottom of the pitch black pit of those pupils and never rise again, lose his breath and watch the last of his gasps drift away and disappear in the endless void. He wanted to slow dance to the melody that was softly chiming in his ears, piercing its way into his mind, slow dance with this impossible boy, to pull his body up tight, run his lips along his temple and ding ding da ding ding.

Ouff.

The gentle but piercing sound of his alarm clock startled Wilhelm. The cellphone which he had put on the nightstand beside him sounded a happy chime, slowly increasing the volume until Wilhelm shut it off with a brush of his hand. Reluctantly he started to blink, unwilling to face the reality of the morning yet. He tried to move, but a heavy weight kept nailing him down into the mattress. Wilhelm searched for the reason of his immobility – and ejected a trembling sigh of relieve. This time he hadn't woken up with empty arms.

When he finally managed to force his lazy eyes open, heavy from a slight hangover and less than six hours of sleep, Simon was cozily snuggled against him, head firmly resting on his breast, eyes closed, face relaxed, producing some cute little puppy-snores. Wille’s lips broke into a smile and he couldn’t help but bury his nose in the raven boy’s curls and breath in his scent, worn from dance and sex and warm from sleep. His heart performed a sweet little leap as he wrapped his arms tighter around the pretty boy, slowly exhaling to keep himself from hyperventilating. He didn’t want to let go. Was this even true? The morning couldn’t be any more beautiful. If he was dead and in heaven, he would be just fine with it, as long as Simon would still be warming his skin. The sweet boy stirred in his grip. Wilhelm wondered whether he had been woken up by the alarm or his rapidly thumping heartbeat beneath his cheek. The singer gave a hoarse moan when the bright light of the early noon hit his eyes.  

“Good morning, Simon”, Wille purred softly, lips against his forehead. “Good morning!” 

Simon looked up at him with a confused frown like he needed a second to remember where he was.  

“Did you sleep well?” 

“No”, Simon growled and tilted his neck that gave a low cracking sound. To sleep on someone’s chest was much less comfortable, than it sounded. “But I woke up well”, he smiled, when he caught Wille’s worried look.  

Wilhelm leaned in for a good morning kiss, aiming for the upturned and expecting face of his lover, when a sudden realization slapped him across the face: the reason why he had set his alarm the day before. Because he had to catch a flight. A flight to the USA, a flight, that would take him thousands of miles away from Simon, from this bed, this embrace, these lips that were still waiting for their praise. Wilhelm’s heart sank. His face must have given his upstirred mood away, because Simon wrinkled his brow.

“Everything alright with you?”

“No”, Wilhelm answered sternly. “My flight goes at four.”  

A disappointed suck from below indicated that Simon wasn’t happy with these news either. “When do you leave?” 

“The car is clear at twelve. So we have two hours left if you help me pack my stuff.”  

“What about breakfast?”, Simon inquired with a wrinkled brow. 

Wille chuckled. “Well, it’s either breakfast, or …”.  

He pulled Simon up and cupped his chin with his hand. Very willing, Simon leaned in to the kiss.  

When it was time to leave, Wille wrapped Simon up in a close embrace. There they stood on the white carpet, glued together like two sheets of paper, only a few steps from the door that would cut their connection any moment now. Time was ticking away, and although Wille really, really didn’t want to let go, he started to get nervous. Missing that flight would have very unpleasant consequences. He drove a comforting hand up Simon’s back. 

“I have to go”, he sighed, aching sadness weighing down his voice.

“I would love to wave you goodbye", Simon murmured, voice muffled against Wilhelm’s shoulder. 

An idea popped into Wille’s mind. “You can keep me company on the way to the airport if you want. The driver will take you home later.” 

Simon happily agreed, because a ride to Arlanda Airport would give them roughly another hour together. Time they sure knew how to use. When the driver pulled in at the VIP parking of the airport, Wilhelm had to tear himself from Simon’s lips with force.  

“Goodbye”, he breathed softly, leaning his head against Simon’s.  

“I wanted to take you to the gate”, Simon protested weakly, but Wille shut him off with another kiss.  

“They won’t let you through the VIP entrance without a ticket. And I don’t want you to stand there when I leave. I’d rather have our last move to be a kiss.” 

A soft knock on the car window finally pulled them apart a second before the door was opened and Wille got out, casting a last glance back at Simon who looked up at him with his big boy-eyes from the luxurious leather seat. 

“See you in three weeks”, Wilhelm whispered and forced a smile.  

The door of the black limousine had slammed shut with a thick thump, but Simon kept staring at it with a dumbstruck face as if it would reopen any second and Wille reappear in all his grace and glory. He didn’t. After some endless minutes, the driver climbed back behind the wheel and asked directions. Simon told him his address and they pulled out of the airport parking and headed for the motorway back to Stockholm. So this was it. Wilhelm was gone, and Simon’s life would go back to normal. It was about time, the week had been insane. This whole collaboration had gone totally off limits. Simon wondered, how everything had just happened. The meetup with Wilhelm Saunders had been meant to improve his career, not his sex drive.

For heaven’s sake!

He swallowed hard against an irritating tightness in his throat. To record a coop-song had really sounded like a good idea a few weeks back. How flustered he had been when his manager had broken the news to him that a world star was wanting his voice on tape. That this star eventually turned out to want Simon’s clothes on the floor as well was a nice add-on. He could definitely do with that.

Only there’s more to it, right?

Lost in thought, Simon chewed on his lower lip that was already sore from someone else chewing on it the night before. He was sore in many places, his chest being the worst, with a revolting heart thumping against his ribcage in full fury and making him feel sick to his stomach. The toned windows of the car shut out the bright light of the day and Simon was thankful for it. His mood was low and his eyes were throbbing from too little sleep – and something else.

Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined his life to take this turn. That he would fall with no warning. Fall so hard and so quick for this boy – the tall, blond, charming heartbreaker, sweet-voice and stage-slut, every mother-in-laws nightmare. It was outrageous. Simon wasn’t used to crushing on people. It mostly took him a whole while to connect with someone on a level that would allow for romantic feelings. By the time he got there, the other one had mostly already moved on. To fall for someone at this pace was overwhelming.

This can’t be right!

There should have been a caution alert pinned to Wilhelm’s forehead, so maybe he could have avoided this disaster.

I really didn't mean to fall in love, but you are everything I ever wanted and more, you stupid loser, he thought. Funny – that shit would make for an excellent love song. Maybe I should write it down.

It was crazy. Had he been wondering, what the whole fuss around Wille Saunders was all about? Now he knew. He was perfect. His face was heaven, his smile was honey and his touch was healing. And still there were so many red flags flapping into Simon’s face just at the thought of exploring deeper into this whatever-it-was stupidship.

Damn it, get your stuff together! It will pass, he told himself, as he leaned his weary head against the window.

The world outside rushed by in a blur. They wouldn’t see each other for three long weeks.

Good.

Enough time to get over someone who had just come stumbling into his life a few days ago.

T his is nothing serious after all. A flirt, a two-night-stand, a job, a collaboration.

Simon drew his finger over the cool and sleek windowpane in a wavy line. Wille would forget about him anyway. When he returned next month for the shoot of the music video, Simon would just be another mark on his bedpost.

This is just how hookups go, the natural turn of events.

It was a thought that was supposed to calm his agitation, put everything into perspective and restore his focus. But it failed, big time. Simon felt a bitter lump form in his stomach and a burning sensation behind his eyes that forced tears to swell and flood his lids.

What a desperate fool you are, he scolded himself, behaving like a heartbroken teenager.

Angrily he brushed over his wetting eyes with his sleeve.

Shut the fuck up! It will pass! 

-----
 
Song: Omar Rudberg, Red Light 

Didn't mean to fall in love
But you were everything I'm not
You were everything I wanted

We only had a couple days
But I saw heaven in your face
I wanna call you, and see you

Slowly, I see the red light
And I'm caught up by the street
Slowly, we get on all night
Like we're dancing
You and me

Feeling the fever from our love
I had to come back for the touch
Now I can't call you
I know you're busy
And in the bedroom where I lie
Seems like it can't be the same
Though you were never here with me

I wish I could be locked in your sunlight
I keep coming back to the red light
Force I can't halt like a riptide
Can't quit

So take me slowly to the red light
Get me caught up by this dream
Slowly, I see the red light
'Cause I'm caught up by this dream

And I said
Slowly, but like a riptide
We keep dancing
You and me
You and me, yeah

Chapter Text

It didn’t. The fact that Wille called him the moment he got off the plane in stormy LA, that he asked about his day and wished him a good night – every night despite the time difference – that he sent him cute cat pictures and his favorite songs on his phone didn’t help the cause one little bit. And by the time Wille exited the plane in Stockholm three endless weeks later, Simon was a suffering mess. He couldn’t pick Wilhelm up from the airport although he wanted to, because he had a late shooting scheduled that day.

It so happened, they had to meet again in the foyer of a major Swedish radio station the next morning, where they were supposed to record a podcast interview to promote their featured song – not in private, but under scrutiny of staff and crew. Simon was nervous in a way that was completely new to him. He was up early – something that absolutely never happened in real life – messed with his look and changed his clothes several times, only to be almost late to the subway again in the end. When he fell through the door of the large office building in the center of Stockholm, sweaty and exhausted already, everybody was there – everybody but Wilhelm. Thank God, he wasn’t last! Wilhelm, of course, did not have any issues with having people wait for him. He was used to making an entrance.

And there he was, delicately dressed in a woolen coat, shiny shoes and cashmere scarf, crossing the wide hall with his long strides, not giving rock star vibes at all, but looking – royal – in a way. Simon’s heart jumped into his throat at the sight like a little frog, positively obstructing his breathing. And although he had promised himself to handle things like a professional, he could feel a radiant smile form on his lips when Wille closed in on him for a welcome – just to be instantly snatched away by the bustling program manager. They didn’t even have time to say a proper hello before they were propelled into the elevator. When they walked down the long, carpeted hallway side by side, Wilhelm’s hand brushed his like on accident. It made his skin sizzle – just like the first time their hands had touched back in the studio. It was all they could get at the moment. Devotedly, Simon followed the crew down the corridor that was lined with offices on the left and right, glass doors everywhere and people curiously looking up from their desks. 

“Excuse me, can I go to the restroom real quick before we start?”, Wilhelm inquired with the lady that had greeted them in the hall. 

Politely, she gave the directions of the toilets before leading the rest of the party into the recording studio. Two comfortable seats had been prepared for Simon and Wilhelm with big black microphones standing in front of each, eager to suck in every breath they would utter in the upcoming hour. Simon scanned the setup with an unhappy face and felt his stomach twitch.

Jesus, I’m not ready for this.

Instantly he felt a strong urge to flee, to get away from all these people, take Wille by the hand and cuddle up with him in a dark corner somewhere, not to be seen or heard by anyone. Publicity sucked sometimes, sucked hard and filthy. He really didn’t want to do this now. Radio shows and podcasts had never been his thing. He felt way better being able to move and express himself with his hands and whole body when the words got stuck – which happened to him a lot. Having Wille the freaking smartass sitting next to him didn’t help very much. HE was never at a loss for words – always charming, always brilliant. Wille had sat in the interview chairs of the biggest shows all over the world, had spoken in arenas and on live TV. Once again, the size difference of their accustomed audiences slapped Simon in the face and made him feel uncomfortable and inferior. His feel-good atmosphere shared nothing with this. 

When he put down his paper coffee cup on the small side table next to one of the armchairs, his hand gave an unintended squeeze, and some of the still pretty hot drink slopped over the brim and ran down his fingers. 

“Shit!”, he exclaimed pulling back as an employee jumped to gather some paper towels to clean up the mess.
 
With an excusing frown and a whispered whoopsy, Simon set off for the restroom to wash his hands. As he opened the bathroom door Wille was there, drying his own hands and greeting him with a wide smile. Before Simon could react, Wille caught his sweater, pulled him close and thrust his lips upon his, hungry and eager. They were both breathless when they pulled apart. Simon’s skin flashed rose at the top of his cheekbones. It was hardly visible on his tanned skin, but Wilhelm noticed nonetheless. 

“Good you’re here. We haven’t even said hi yet”, Wille murmured unto Simon’s temple.

“Hi!”, Simon whispered back into his ear with closed eyes, stretching up a bit to put his arms around Wille’s neck. The warmth of his embrace made Simon instantly feel better. Only it didn't make him want to elope with him less. The feeling of need became stronger with every beat his heart rapped against Wille’s chest.  

“So, you sneaked away to meet me in the toilet?”, Wille smirked, pulling Simon even closer, wrapping his long arms around him and casually brushing his butt through his pants alongside as he did.

“No, I spilled some coffee”, Simon replied in a playful defiant manner.

“So, you spilled some coffee to sneak away to meet me in the toilet?” 

Simon could hear Wille’s smug grin in his voice, although he couldn’t see it, for the tall boy had bent down and was snuggling along Simon’s hairline at the back of his neck with his lips and nose. Simon leaned in to the hug and pressed his body against Wilhelm’s, who tightened his grip around his waist and almost lifted him off his feet. He was still clinging there, desperately breathing in Wille’s scent, when the other one loosened his hug after some moments and gently pushed him away. 

“We have to go, they are waiting for us”, he said, suddenly all professional. 

Simon stuck his lips out and formed an adorable pout with them. Wille laughed, put a finger under his chin and placed a tender little kiss on Simon’s protruding mouth. Simon’s jaw clenched with disappointment, but he knew Wille was right. It was neither the time nor the place for their private whims. There was work to do. 

The interviewer was wired and came up with a whole bunch of silly questions. Simon was unsure about how much information he was allowed to spill as the song wasn’t released yet, so Wilhelm took the greater part in talking. Obviously, he was in for some fun today and constantly shaped his words in a suggestive way that made Simon uneasily fidget about in his chair. 

“Wilhelm – you’re a big fan of <em>Young Royals</em>. What was it like to detect, that the main character was a singer in real life?”

“It was amazing!”, Wille stated with a big smile and beaming eyes. “Kind of a dream come true. Simon is so talented in a lot of ways, and I’m really glad to have him on board for this partnership. I love his dedication and his passion for our – uhm – project!” 

Simon cringed at the praise Wilhelm poured all over him. Wilhelm’s cheeky side-eye at the double meaning of his words didn’t help very much to decrease his stress level.

The interviewer took up the thread Wilhelm had cast him and turned his attention to Simon. “Talking about partnerships: Your fans on Social Media are already speculating about the two of you, thanks to the beautiful pictures and clips you shared about the working process and all. How do you comment on this?” 

Simon did not want to comment on it at all, but rather vanish into thin air.

Please, why do I have to do this? 

He used all his force to produce a convincing smile. “We’re friends”, he stated and cast Wilhelm a look. “We’ve become really close friends during the recording. We spent quite some time working together now and it was – is – very inspiring and a lot of fun.” 

“So you’ll be keeping each other on your phones?”

“Definitely”, Wilhelm smiled in chorus with Simon, who answered at the same time. “Absolut!”

Simon uttered a deep sigh of relieve when they left the recording studio. This had been some running the gauntlet. He’d almost tripped once or twice, some questions being slippery and full of anticipation when it came to their private relation – the fan questions even more than the reporter’s. It wasn’t a secret that they were being shipped hard together by the audience. It was fun, interacting with their hints and pleads and teasing them on Insta and Twitter. But it was difficult to lie when it came to direct interrogation. Simon hated to be dishonest with his fans. Letting them know about Wille and him hooking up behind closed doors, however, was out of the question. As happy as Simon was to escape the unpleasant inquiry – their day was far from done. The interview was followed by a stiff and never-ending company lunch at a fancy Nordic-cuisine restaurant. The rest of the day went by with briefing sessions for the video with the filming crew and the scene setup. 

When they finally got back to the hotel that evening, they were both exhausted and ended up on the sofa again, Simon on top of Wille, snuggling his forehead into his armpit and just lying there in the half dark of the apartment, savoring each other’s presence as nightly hours crept in on them. 

“Didn’t you say you wanted a smaller room this time?”, Simon mumbled as Wilhelm caressingly drove his lean fingers through his curls. They had gotten pretty long by now, Wilhelm noticed. 

“I did. But you liked it, so I kept it”, Wilhelm answered dreamily. “It’s much more enjoyable when you’re here with me. We should put all this swank to some better use. That TV screen size is sick. We could invite the Young Royals cast over and have a movie night. Or the Royal Ballet to dance the Swan Lake in the bedroom.” 

Simon giggled into his armpit and made Wilhelm smile. “Or – I could put you into a bathtub filled with champagne if you want.” The thought of the raven singer lolling in a luxuriously sparkling golden champagne bath gave Wilhelm a tickling sensation.

Simon raised his head. "Are you sugar-daddying me?”, he inquired with a frown. 

“Just joking. But what’s wrong if I spoil you for a bit?”

Simon got up on his elbow and looked at Wille with a stern face. “I’m not here for the show-off, you know. I make my own money.”

“I know”, Wille paddled backwards, his ears flashing red.

He hadn’t expected Simon to be sensitive on that matter. All the fame-fuckers at his heels made him forget, that there actually were people who didn’t like to be pampered by the rich but rather found it offensive. That stubborn attitude of his opposite when it came to taking gifts was unbelievably charming and made him want the sweet boy even more. Soothingly, he pulled Simon back on his chest and placed a smacking kiss onto his scalp.

“I’m happy when we’re together, don’t care where. We can go back to your place if you don’t like it here”, he suggested. 

Simon snorted in dismay. “No way!”, he exclaimed. “It’s chaos. I won’t take you there!”

“Then champagne bath it is”, Wille purred teasingly. 

Simon punched him in the ribs. “Fuck you!”

“Okay”, Wilhelm whispered and slid his hands under Simon’s shirt.

-----

Song: Camilla Cabello, Liar
 
I don't care, if you're here
Or, if you're not alone
I don't care, it's been too long
It's kinda like we didn't happen

The way that your lips move
The way you whisper slow
I don't care, it's good as gone 

I said, I won't lose control, I don't want it 
I said, I won't get too close but I can't stop it

Oh, no, there you go, making me a liar
Got me begging you for more
Oh, no, there I go, startin' up a fire, oh, no, no
Oh, no, there you go, you're making me a liar, 
I kinda like it though
Oh, no, there I go, startin' up a fire, oh, no, no 

You're watching, I feel it 
I know I shouldn't stare 
I picture your hands on me
I think I wanna let it happen

But what if, you kiss me?
And what if, I like it?
And no one sees it

I said, I won't lose control, I don't want it
I said, I won't get too close but I can't stop it

Oh, no, there you go, making me a liar
Got me begging you for more
Oh, no, there I go, startin' up a fire, oh, no, no
Oh, no, there you go, you're making me a liar, 
I kinda like it though
Oh, no, there I go, startin' up a fire, oh, no, no

Here comes trouble, no, no
Startin' up a fire

I don't believe myself when I say
That I don't need you, 
I don't believe myself when I say
So, don't believe me

Oh, no, there you go, you're making me a liar
Got me begging you for more
Oh, no, there I go, startin' up a fire, oh, no, no
Oh, no, there you go, making me a liar, I kinda like it though
Oh, no, there I go, startin' up a fire, oh, no, no

Oh, no, you're making me a liar
'Cause my clothes are on the floor
Oh, no, no, no
Another fire

Chapter Text

Recording the video clip was a lot of fun. The script was very vague, not much more than a scribble, so they just fired away with what came to their minds. As they were both scratched up and silly, it took them a while to groove in, the director rolling her eyes in despair. Wille once more found it irritating how unprepared everybody on set seemed to be. When he recorded tapes for his own songs, everything was set up in a high shine studio or fancy location the set designers had found weeks before, all prepped and ready to go when he arrived. He was handed a detailed briefing to read while the make-up artist would render his face flawless, then take his place in front of the camera, lip synch some lines and call it a wrap at the end of the day. The rest would be managed by postproduction.

Here it was all creative chaos. Wille didn’t mind. He enjoyed every minute he could spend close to Simon, watch him move his hips to the beat of their hitsong and make him laugh at every possible occasion just to hear the chime of his endearing boy-cackles. The difficult part was to not let their genuine affection show on camera, as they were still just a musical collab to the rest of the world. No one assumed them to have explored each other’s bodies the way they had, and when the director shyly asked them if they maybe could get a little bit closer on the microphone, Simon burst into an uncontrolled giggle.

The silliness continued the next day. When they were filming a hot dancing shot, bodies close and legs intertwined, Wille tripped and sent them to the floor in a heap of limbs and cables – the cameraman just escaping the fall with a quick backward jump. Sprawled out on the floor with Simon on top of him, Wille had to force all his control to not give in to the moment and kiss him right there in front of everybody. Stefan, who was co-working on the sounds, was just entering the studio when the fall happened, the speakers bawling We can make out on the floor right in this moment. He looked at the scene with a wrinkled brow, turned on his heel and went back the way he had come, slamming the door behind him. He was so done with this pair.   

“I wanna be yours tonight”, Simon whispered, as they found themselves in the big hotel bed again after a full day of work, a delicious sushi dinner on the balcony and a prolonged hot shower in the gold-embellished luxury bathroom they'd thoroughly flooded.

Wille pulled Simon tight on top of him, chest to chest, and rubbed his firm hands across his bare back in massaging circles. Simon’s skin smelled like shower gel and lotion and – for some unknown reason – like summer.

“I’m in”, Wille smiled, reached for a condom and put the package between his lips for Simon to take it. But the fragrant boy shook his head. 

“You take it”, he said with a deep gaze of his dark eyes. 

Wille made a puzzled face. “But you said you didn’t like it.” 

Simon felt blessed that Wille had paid attention to his concerns during their first night together and meticulously respected them ever since. It had been difficult for him to voice them, for he was used to being ridiculed for his restraint. The man who had called himself his partner two years ago and who Simon had tolerated in his life for far too long, had never listened to his objections. He'd made Simon feel like he was not making enough of an effort to come to terms with things. So Simon came to think it was his own fault if he wasn’t able to adjust. And instead of being safe, Simon had felt exploited, hurt and sick after sex every single time. Seeing Wilhelm’s earnest expression now, eyes narrowed as he searched Simon’s face for traces of tentativeness, gave him the confidence he needed. 

“I think I’m going to give it another shot”, he smirked, and his hand caressed Wille’s cheek with soft fingertips. 

Wille’s mien brightened as his lips broke into an affectionate smile. He pulled Simon up and stole a deep kiss from him, full of love and tenderness.

“Speak up when you want to stop. Anytime, hear me? ANY TIME!”, he committed Simon, and the curly boy gave a reassuring nod.  

When Wille dived down between Simon’s slender thighs a few moments later, he was filled up with joy. He couldn’t even articulate the privilege he felt about Simon confiding in him in this way, giving him the chance to make everything right, to worship and service him like he deserved to be.

Let’s rewrite this fucked up memory, he thought, as he started to scatter kisses around Simon’s soft spots.

As the situation demanded, he took his time with preparation – and enjoyed every minute of it, tracing on Simon’s reactions how he gave in to the intimate touch, how he relaxed more and more and his silent hisses evolved into full on moaning by the time Wille applied his fingers and pressed into him, carefully and slowly. It didn’t take long after he'd gently started to move them inside of him until Simon met him with his hips, grinding against his hand and letting out little delighted squeals. Wille felt his sex throb violently as he watched Simon melt under his hands.

This is it, that’s how it’s supposed to be.

Softly, he put his lips along Simon’s stiff length, licked its’ tip and rejoiced in the quenched stammering his touch elicited from his partner’s mouth. He continued his work for another minute before he let go of his treat with a smack and climbed up to meet Simon’s face. 

“Are you ready?”, he inquired, taking a deep look into the eyes of his lover that were shining black with heat. 

Simon’s cheeks had taken on a reddish shimmer, a fine film of sweat made his skin beam. He licked his lips that had become dry with panting open mouthed, and pulled Wille in to bury his tongue between his lips.

“I’m SO ready”, he whispered, when he had found his breath again. 

But Wille still took his time despite his own excitement. He kept caressing Simon, kissed his neck and throat while his hands stroked along the sides of the dancer, who eagerly arched against his touch. When Wilhelm opened the condom pack and rolled the latex down, he was sticky with pre-cum and so stimulated that he needed a moment to gather himself not to spill here and there. The chill touch of the lube he applied in generous amounts helped to calm his agitation. Simon wrapped both his arms around his neck when he positioned himself atop him, like he needed to grab a hold on something. Wilhelm could clearly sense the tension that was building. A sudden glint of insecurity flashed over Simon’s gaze and Wilhelm verged his lips on his ear.

“Any time”, he repeated softly. 

“I’m okay”, Simon whispered under his slightly trembling breath. “I want you!”   

Wilhelm buried his forehead in the crook of Simon’s neck, connecting with him as closely as possible while he slowly sank his hip down – heedfully, ready to hold any second.

Simon uttered a light gasp when Wille pushed forward, but immediately relaxed as he eased into the sensation of feeling him close, inside of him. It was good!

Oh my God!

It felt so different, so much better than in his memory. It still hurt a little – he was a small boy after all – but it was a sweet pain, right on the edge of pleasure, and it declined every minute. He loosened his hold on Wilhelm’s neck a little, so he wouldn’t be restrained in his movements too much with Simon clinging to him like a koala. There was a fire in his lower belly, burning with a heating sensation that gave his brain a short circuit. It took all his self-control to not scream out his love for this man, who was giving him the security to let himself fall into his arms, let go of his barriers and just feel, FEEL.

Wille applied some more lube before he slowly started to thrust, carefully watching Simon’s expression as he gently slid to and fro. He was content with what he saw. The raven singer had tilted his head to the side on the white pillow, eyes closed, emitting a soft humming sound through his closed lips. The sound of this cute little whine made Wille pant with arousal. He wasn’t even moving a lot, but still felt like he couldn’t hold it for much longer. As much as he hated the idea of having to let go, his body would no longer obey his commands.

When Simon finally released the grip on his neck and pressed his hands on Wille’s hip to feel even more of him, a wave of heat rushed through his stomach. A suppressed moan escaped his throat as he pushed down. A moment later he was gone. Simon let out a gasp when Wille collapsed on top of him and pushed the air out of his lungs. He wound his legs tightly around Wilhelm’s thighs and held him close, a little relieved chuckle escaping his lips. They kept lying there, entangled, hot and sticky, non of them eager to move any more than it took to catch their breaths. When Wille finally raised his head to check on Simon, he found a happy little smile on his partner’s countenance. 

“How are you?”, he inquired in a whispering tone to not stir the perfect little cocoon of bliss they had created around them. 

With a tender hand, Simon brushed some lose strains of Wille’s hair behind his ear. 

“Perfect”, he mouthed, words barely audible. But there was no need, his eyes gave it away. He was safe. Safe with him – and as happy as he’d never been before. 

---

Song: Troye Sivan, Angel Baby

I need a lover to keep me sane
Pull me from hell, bring me back again
Play me the classics
Something romantic
Give him my all when I don't even have it
I always dreamed of a solemn face
Someone who feels like a holiday
But now I'm in pieces
Barely believing
Starting to think that I've lost all feeling

You came out the blue on a rainy night
No lie
I'll tell you how I almost died
While you're bringing me back to life

I just wanna live in this moment forever
'Cause I'm afraid that living couldn't get any better
Started giving up on the word "forever"
Until you gаve up heaven, so we could be together

You're my angel
Angel baby, angel
You're my angel, baby
Baby, you're my angel
Angel baby

I fall in love with the little things
Counting the tattoos on your skin
Tell me a secret
And baby, I'll keep it
And maybe we could play house for the weekend

You came out the blue on a rainy night
No lie
I'll tell you how I almost died
While you're bringing me back to life

I just wanna live in this moment forever
'Cause I'm afraid that living couldn't get any better
Started giving up on the word "forever"
Until you gаve up heaven, so we could be together

You're my angel
Angel baby, angel
You're my angel, baby
Baby, you're my angel
Angel baby

All the sick and twisted nights that I've been waiting for ya
They were worth it all along, yeah
I just wanna live in this moment forever
'Cause I'm afraid that living couldn't get any better
Started giving up on the word "forever" 
Until you gаve up heaven, so we could be together

You're my angel
Angel baby, angel
You're my angel, baby
Baby, you're my angel

Chapter Text

The days soared past in a blur and Simon’s head slowly started to buzz with the double life he was leading, playing the polite and professional collab-host in daytime and melting in Wille’s tender caresses during the nights. All felicity aside – their days were numbered, time was racing against them and with every smile Wille shot him across the room, Simon’s heart felt a piercing stitch. Because, no matter how much they rejoiced in each other’s embrace, the bitter truth was: This was not going to last. Wille’s life was somewhere else, and Simon had just started the preparations for his first ever solo concert that was to happen in summer if fate and his hesitant record company didn’t forsake him.

The more confusing this whole game became, the stronger he felt an urge to confide in someone, to reveal his overwhelming emotions to a friend and just talk. Keeping this secret almost ate him up from the inside. He was as happy as he’d never been and desperate to the bone in a single knot. How was he to untie this on his own? He really didn’t have a clue how to get out of this heart-wrenching situationship he somehow had ended up in. He didn’t even want to get out, if he was honest. He was lost, thoroughly lost, and in desperate need for advice. As usual, Ayub was his friend to go to. They’d been besties since their first year in high school. Ayub had even moved to Stockholm with him and they were as close as friends could ever get. Simon trusted him with his life, his secrets would be safe with him for sure.

So it was Ayub Simon texted that late evening while he was lying on Wille’s bed in shorts, t-shirt and his cozy kitten-paw socks in an unlit room while his host was working next door, giving a remote interview for a Brazilian music magazine. Simon had a hard time holding his head up. He felt torn and tired.

S: HELP! I might have done something stupid.
A: What’s up?
After a quick update from Simon’s side there was silence, while Ayub seemed to be processing the news. Then a bling.
A: That’s not stupid.
S: ?
A: It’s suicidal.
Simon let out a pained sigh. 
S: That’s NOT helpful!

The phone rang, and after a quick security check on the closed door, Simon took the video call. Ayub looked worried and upset. 

“Bro, I haven’t seen you hooking up with someone for real for two years. And now you’re coming with THIS? Wilhelm FUCKING Saunders? You’re not in your right mind, man!”, Ayub gushed, vigorously chewing an apple he held in his hand and spitting bits and pieces in his agitation as he talked. 

Simon made a sad face. “It just happened! It’s not like I planned it”, he weakly tried to defend himself, but Ayub wouldn’t have it.

“Can I come over? Where are you? This is not your apartment."

“I’m with him, it’s his room at the hotel”, Simon sighed.

Ayub rolled his eyes. He had big eyes. He rolled like a pro. “Quit him, that’s what I tell you!”, he raged on. “You know what happens, when the world finds out, right? Please say, you’re not that stupid!”

Of course Simon knew. He had thought about it for days, weeks even. They would tear him apart. The fandom would escalate, social media go up in flames and the press would feast on his roasted body. Simon Eriksson, the gold digger, the little Swedish pop singer who hooked up with Wille Saunders for fame and fortune. His good looks and his model pictures that decorated plenty of high shine magazines would be the nails in his coffin, giving folks all the cliché of a mediocre performer who had corrupted a millionaire with his pretty face. And the worst: It wouldn’t even matter anymore how good his music was, how much he had invested into his success, how hard he had worked for years and years. The moment he would blow up with a song, people would claim it was only due to him dating Wille, the celebrity singer having pulled strings in his favor in the background. Simon wanted to cry. If he was to come out as Wille’s lover, his whole musical career would collapse. This was impossible. He saw his life flash in front of his eyes, saw everything he had lived for go to waste. It was no option. Bitter tears swelled in his throat as he croaked out “Of course I know” to Ayub, who was done chewing his apple and intently stared at Simon through the camera lens of his mobile. 

Simon hung up on Ayub and buried his face in the pillow to muffle his violent sobs. His whole body shook with despair. As much as this crazy boy pulled on him heart and mind, he would neither bear a long distance relationship, nor would he put all his career plans aside for a maybe-love that in the end was only good to distract him from the goals he had set for himself. But how could he quench this love that was swelling in his chest, gaining weight with every kind word, every touch and every kiss Wille offered him and that was now about to choke him? He pretended to be asleep, when Wille crept under the blanket beside him, but couldn’t really close his eyes until late at night. He woke up with swollen eyes, heart heavy with hurt and a decision on his mind, that scared him to death. 

The day of departure arrived only two days later when Wille had to leave and return to his schedule. He planned to go home to Dublin for a few days, because his office required some signatures and he desperately needed to change his wardrobe. He had run out of underwear three days ago and borrowed from Simon, because he didn’t feel like shopping. At least that’s what he told him. The truth was: He loved the scent and feeling of Simon on his skin. If it wasn’t the boy himself, his laundry would have to do. He definitely was about to steal the current pair of briefs to take back home with him to bridge the time until they would meet again. He would see to making it possible.

Their last night together had been stiff – and not the way he liked it, Simon being absent-minded and distant, so different from the days before. So Wilhelm was even more disappointed about the fact that he couldn’t convince his collab-partner to follow him to Ireland. No matter how alluring Wille tried to be, Simon stood firm. He was planned for some Young Royals season two promotion shootings and interviews and insisted that he couldn’t travel in between all the time. Okay, the boy had a job, but they’d have to make it work. Somehow.

Just like Wilhelm, Simon seemed to be upset. He was in a bad condition, very obviously. Dark shadows circled his eyes lately and his thoughts seemed to be a million miles away most of the time. Wille understood. He felt like a zombie himself, his stomach tightening by the mere thought of leaving Sweden – of leaving Simon – behind. Still, they could text and video-call, they’d stay in touch as they had before. And if the distance became too much, he would jump on a plane and meet Simon, no matter what. He was a fucking superstar after all. He had privileges. 
 As he was packing the last valuables into his big suitcase, he decided to make a final attempt.

“When did you say your promo was done?”, he inquired with a side glance at Simon.

The Swedish singer was sitting cross-legged on the bed, watching him, how he expertly stowed away his stuff. 

“Next Thursday.”

“How about a long weekend in Paris? I’ll be doing a live session there on Friday night. We could stay for a bit afterwards. A little romantic getaway…”

Simon didn’t meet his glance but studied his hands instead.

“Can you drop me off at my place on your way to the airport?”, Simon asked as if he hadn’t heard, his voice an awkward croak. 

This wasn’t the answer, Wille had hoped for, but he swallowed his disappointment. Better not to be too pushy.

“Sure.”

The car ride was short, a few minutes only. Simon kept staring out the window and only returned an agonized smile when Wille took his hand and gently squeezed it. He wanted to comfort his crush so badly, but it seemed like he couldn’t get through to him right now. When they arrived in front of Simon’s house and the driver had handed him his backpack, Wille followed him up the stairs to the big entrance door. He felt weird, standing there, out in the open with people walking by at a short distance, glancing at them. But this wasn’t important right now. He pulled Simon close and hugged him, but Simon didn’t respond, his arms falling lose to his sides, face downcast, fighting for breath. It seemed like he was trying to say something but didn’t manage to make a sound. Gently, Wille cupped his chiseled cheek with his hand and for a second, Simon gave in to the touch, snuggling against the palm of his hand, eyes closed. But the moment went, and the dark-haired boy pulled away.

“I’ll call you as soon as I’m home.” Wille attempted a comforting smile. “It’s not a full day trip this time at least and only one hour time gap.” 

Simon inhaled and let out a sigh that sounded almost like a snort. 

“Wille, listen", he started, eyes nervously flickering between Wille’s face and his feet, the door and the street. “I can’t do this anymore.” 

A cold hand took hold of Wilhelm’s heart and crushed it. Had he really heard what he had just heard? He held his breath, sure that if he made a single sound, he would miss the part where Simon corrected himself, laughed his cute giggle and said he meant something else, as it was his habit to confuse his words. But there was no laugh. There only was that desperate but determined face of his opposite and his sweet mouth, cruelly continuing to say all the wrong things.

“You know that all this – this thing between us – it won’t work.”

Simon swallowed hard, his eyes tearing up, but he fought it off. Wille was bewildered, he couldn’t grasp the meaning of Simon’s words. It must all be a big misunderstanding, for sure.

“What do you mean – won’t work? We can make it work! I travel all the time. I can come to see you every free second. Or we can just meet somewhere in the middle. I’ll hire a private jet, if that is the problem. I mean, long distance sucks, but we’ll be fine, I promise!” Wilhelm was jabbing along, holding on to positive thinking for dear life, because the alternative was impossible. But Simon just shook his head. 

“It’s not about that”, he said, his voice becoming firmer, his gaze now resting on Wille’s face, giving him the chills – and not in a good way. “I can’t be your lover. What do you think would happen, if we came out as a couple? What would happen to me, to my name, to my career?”

Wilhelm was lost. What was the boy talking about?

“Wille, I’ve spent my whole life working on my musical career. It means everything! But you, you are larger than life, and I can’t walk in your shadow. I need to write my own story, make my own name.” He pulled his gaze off Wille’s face and stared at his feet again as he continued in a whispering tone. “I want to be known to the world as Simon Eriksson, not as Wilhelm Saunders’ boyfriend.”

Wille felt his mouth go dry and a hot ache shoot through his chest as his heart sank deep into his entrails. This was the worst. The worst he could ever have imagined someone to tell him. Because it was true. And it wasn’t just true, it was also unfixable. He WAS larger than life. It was his greatest achievement and his biggest flaw, all in one. It was the reason why he was lonely, so full of self-doubt and desperate for love. Because nobody dared to put up with him in the long run. Sure, they all wanted the fame, the money, the fortune. But the moment they figured out how tight the golden cage that Wille called his life really was, they took to their heels and ran.

Looking intonit more closely, publicity had more downsides than ups, people and media having an opinion about everything. Wille could surely get away with a talented and beautiful boyfriend like Simon Eriksson, but for Simon it would be hell. They’d make it hell, if just for the drama and the fun of it. It was something Wilhelm had known deep down. But he had desperately shut off the voice that kept telling him that he was no good, that he was constantly ruining people’s lives. He wanted this love to happen so badly, wanted HIM more than anything. It wasn’t fair!

“What about we keep it a secret, then? Nothing has to change, nobody needs to know. We can manage!”, Wille pleaded. He reached out to touch Simon’s hand with a weak move, but the boy pulled back. 

“Wille, please! I can’t. I don’t want to be anyone’s secret.”

Wille felt his breath catch in his chest and his vision go blurry as panic crept up his spine and clenched his throat with cold claws. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as if he could force the moment to go away, simply by denying it. Hot tears tried to force their way into his eyes, but he would not let Simon see him like this, all horrified and frantic. Wilhelm took a step back on trembling legs, raising his hands as in defense. He tried to breathe, but the air was stuck.

No, this is NOT happening!

The whole situation was bad enough, he would not – on top of it all – have an anxiety breakdown right here on Simon’s doorstep. Without uttering another word, he stepped down the stairs, slowly, one by one, to make sure he didn’t fall, and dragged his useless body to the car. He didn’t turn for a last look when the driver opened the door for him, but fell into the backseat like a boneless heap. He was running out of air, and when he finally forced himself to catch an aching breath, it took the form of a big sob – a brute sound like a howl – that gave him the creeps. It took him all the way to the airport to recover his composure, so his face and voice wouldn’t give away too much of the silent but violent cries he’d let out in his agony.

---

Song: Jamie Miller, Maybe next time

Mom says trust your gut but I think mine's broken
'Cause I could swear that we were meant to be
Standin' on your doorstep, now I'm frozen
How are these the words you're tellin' me?

Now I'm all alone, I know it too well
And I know it won't help, but I'm tellin' myself

Maybe next time I'll be enough
You'll give me everything instead of givin' up
Maybe next time won't be a waste
You'll be the one and not the onе that got away
So, I count down the days 'til I won't have to say
Maybe nеxt time

Don't know why I watch when I know the endin'
Wanna skip right to the part it doesn't hurt
Thinkin' that night, boardin' that flight
With a bruised up heart and a carry-on bag
A long-lost love that I'll never get back, wanna get it back

Maybe next time I'll be enough
You'll give me everything instead of givin' up
Maybe next time won't be a waste
You'll be the one and not the onе that got away
So, I count down the days 'til I won't have to say
Maybe next time

Chapter Text

Wille wasn’t functioning. They could all see it, although they did their best not to notice, but it couldn’t be overlooked. His thoughts were somewhere else, he hardly paid attention to the briefings, he constantly said “Yes, whatever” and now even missed a scheduled appointment without notice. When he repeatedly didn’t answer his phone, the crew got nervous. So when Farima pushed the doorbell of Wilhelm’s apartment twice and there was no answer, she had a bad gut feeling. And it confirmed the moment she let herself in with her own key and stepped through the door.

Wilhelm Saunders, the neat and tidy teamlead, who never wore the same pair of socks twice, who always knew his requirements and never was satisfied with mediocrity, was gone. What she found was a mess. After she’d made her way through dirty dishes and pizza boxes, empty bottles and a chaos of clothes on the floor – partly stained, partly just thrown out of the closet – she found Wille in a raddled pair of track pants and singlet on his huge brown suede sofa, headphones on, eyes closed, looking like shit. He surely hadn’t seen the shower or a razor for a couple of days, the whole place smelled like a rabbit cage.

He didn’t react to her planting herself right in front of him, so she grabbed his phone and stopped the song that was buzzing into his ears at full volume – Happier by Simon Eriksson. When Wille cast his eyes open to see what was wrong, she gave him a thorough jumpscare. Farima threw open two windows to allow her to stop breathing through her mouth. Then she let herself drop on the couch right next to the wretch that used to be her boss.

“You really miss that boy, don’t you?”, she sighed after a moment of silence.

As his personal assistant, Farima had been with him for some days at his last stay in Sweden. He had never pointed out anything to her, but after working so close with Wille for over three years now, she was sensitive to his mood changes and – simple as that – she wasn’t blind. After all, she had paid the hotel bill that listed plenty of double breakfasts and dinners, costly treats and a good amount of champagne that Wille would not consume on his own. It was very clear that this Swedish musical coop had continued to the bedroom, and the looks both singers had exchanged had given her reason to worry already back then.

Now she saw all her apprehensions confirmed. Wilhelm was in love. He had crushed on that puppy-eyed singer that was fidgeting and stuttering in interviews, but shook his ass on stage like a pro bitch. Farima put her arms around Wille and pulled him in. It was not common for them to be this close, but extreme times required extreme measures, and she felt that Wilhelm was in desperate need for some comfort. Wille leaned his head on Farima’s soft shoulder and tried to blink away the tears that were about to fill his lids – again.

Fuck it!

He was done, so done with crying, but the tears just wouldn’t stop their flow. How on earth could he be so desperate, so pathetic? He was a million-dollar superstar, booked for Camp Nou and Wembley, sitting in his messed up living room, crying like a baby over a guy that he had just met two months ago.

“I don’t know what to do”, he sniffed. “I know it should be okay, but I just can’t feel that way. I feel like I’m gonna die.”

“You’ll be fine”, Farima whispered. “It will go away, give it some time.”

Wille shook his head weakly. The truth was: He didn’t even want it to go away. If pain was all he could get from Simon, he would take it. It was better than nothing. Better than the emptiness and the dark. It was something to cling to. What a miserable wreck he was!

He couldn’t go on like this, so Farima suggested he should focus on work to get the Swede off his mind.

Off my mind, haha.

This was so funny, Wilhelm wanted to kill himself. But distracting his thoughts with his job, which he loved nonetheless, worked – kind of. Wille didn’t want to be bitter. The weird thing was, that he could actually understand Simon. Everything he had told him made perfect sense. Wilhelm was very aware that Simon had dedicated his whole life to music – just like he himself had. They were on the same page with this. It would be stupid and irresponsible to risk all that for a crush.

Is he even a crush?

Wille wasn’t sure anymore. Just because he had fallen head over heels for this beauty-queen, it didn’t mean Simon felt the same. He had never said anything about it, so what did Wille know? For him he might just as well be a booty call, a nice distraction from his boring everyday life and nothing more. It was crazy. Somehow Wille wished, he had never met him, had never reached out to do this stupid coop. It would at least have spared him the pain to know how love COULD feel. All the things that were possible, if only not for him.

Don’t be sad that it’s over, be glad that it happened. His brother used to say that – and Erik always knew what was right. At times like these, Wille missed him more than ever. He would never get over that car crash that had taken his brother from him so early in life, never understand why such a loving, fine boy should die so young. But he had taken his advice to heart, and it had often helped him to get over situations like these. Wille wondered if Erik would have liked Simon, if he’d appreciated what had become of Wille, if he would be proud of him. Anyway, if those three weeks of total bliss with Simon were the only time he would ever call his, he wanted to stay on friendly terms. It was the least he could do for his self-respect. Although in the back of his mind a tiny spark of hope smoldered that he wasn't the only wretch in this. That maybe – only maybe – Simon felt a little bit bad about this whole terrible, crazy and hurtful thing as well.

Simon screamed and jumped with joy while his manager smiled and leaned back in her comfy office chair. She had just broken the news to him that his concert was confirmed for the middle of July, the venue booked and invitations to press and special guests were already going out. Simon couldn’t believe it. He ecstatically bit his fist and muffled another scream.

So this is really going to happen!

Down in his guts he had for a long time felt like it was about time he tried this, to see if he could actually fill up a theater with fans. But now, as everything became real, his whole body wanted to turn inside out.

Oh gosh, only three months to prepare!

From now on his days were filled with work and planning. He had dancers to train, musicians to hire and stage designs to discuss. He would need new in-ears for this, get some really fancy stage clothes and desperately needed a haircut. There was so much on his plate, that he almost forgot about him. HIM. The stupid loser with the floppy hair. The stupid loser with his faithful eyes and his beautiful hands. The stupid, fucking stupid loser who was somewhere traveling Europe, if Simon was up to date. Which, of course, he wasn’t, because he didn’t give shit about the fucking loser. He didn’t. Because he couldn’t. Because he had a career to focus on, fans to entertain and expectations to meet. He was busy with his life, and it was – after a long time of meandering – finally going into the right direction. What did he need a loser for?

“Congrats, Simme! You made it!”, Rosh shrieked into his ear, after Simon had taken the call.

He cringed and held the phone at arm's length away.

Remember to never put Rosh to your ear, he noted for himself.

“Calm down girl, what are you even talking about?”

“Your song has hit the Billboard charts!”, Rosh kept yapping. “Haven’t you noticed?”

Simon wrinkled his brow. Sure he had noticed. People kept telling him, his Social Media was full of it, his fans falling over each other in excitement. Still he didn’t really feel like celebrating. It wasn’t for him that the song had hit the charts just a week after publishing. It was because of Wilhelm and his fanbase of sixty-five million.

“Yeah, cool”, he muttered, not very enthusiastically.

He didn’t really want to know about the performance of the song. As much as he had been excited when the whole coop had started, he felt only emptiness in his chest by now. But at least it would help to fill the venue in July, so he wouldn’t have to perform in front of empty seats. On top of it all, Young Royals season two was out, and the promo running at full throttle. He didn’t really know, where to turn first, so many people were craving his attention. His beat-up day schedule made it extra hard for Simon to find some sleep at night. He tried, he really did, because his agenda was exhausting. But his heart kept racing away even as he was tucked in under his covers, wrapped in the cozy darkness of his bedroom, and desperately squeezed his eyes shut. It didn’t work. A long and slow hour passed, and Simon still couldn’t find rest, with everything that was running through his mind.

Maybe I just need a little …

“Release”, he gasped, as he felt the well-known way into his briefs.

His dick was just as tense as his nerves, and it didn’t take him a lot of effort to evoke the familiar sensation that warmed his belly and accelerated his breath. He was just about to climax when a face entered his vision behind his closed lids. A beautiful face with marble white skin, framed by blond strands of hair, pulling close, just like the owner of this face was holding him the way he had done so many times. Simon let him. He let him intrude and dominate his vision, push him over the edge in a violent spasm. After a second of seeing stars, his muscles relaxed, his body gave way and sank into the sheets.

Simon tried to breathe, but suddenly his chest was too heavy and his mouth kept gasping like there was no air in the room. The vision of Wilhelm was still there, lingering on his mind.

This is wrong, a voice in his head shrieked. He shouldn’t be here!

He had never been to his bedroom, why did he come to visit now? He didn’t have the right! Simon wanted the face to be gone, to leave him alone by all means, to stop occupying his mind like it did. It wouldn’t. Instead it pulled even closer, touching the lobe of his ear with soft lips.

“Are you okay?”, a soft singer’s voice breathed against his skin.

Tears shot into Simon’s eyes and a desperate cry broke from his lips. There was so much happening around him that he felt like drowning. His dream was about to come true. And his world crushed on top of him at the same time.

No.

No, he was not okay, not a little bit. And he could do nothing about it but lie here in his sweat, hand and belly soiled, wretchedly sobbing like a lunatic, squirming in agony for everything he had wished for, everything he had gained and everything he had lost.

---

Song: James Blunt, Goodbye my Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end, before we'd begun
Yes, I saw you were blind and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care

You touched my heart, you touched my soul
Changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind, and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your head
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit, it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile
I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the father of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bear my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I'm so hollow baby
I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow

Chapter Text

W: Hi, how are you?
S: Ok
W: Are we talking?
S: I guess we must, with the promo going on and all that. Just got the info, that we have an online interview together on Tuesday. 
W: Yeah. Noted. 
S: You’re still touring?
W: Almost done. Heading for Lyon tomorrow. Then Lisbon. 
S: Cool. 
W: How are things in Sweden?
S: Crazy, pretty much. YR is running wild. Henry and I got tons of shootings, fans are going feral. 

HENRY. Simon’s co-actor in Young Royals. The guy that got to kiss him on camera. Wilhelm wanted to puke. He had met Henry when they were out dancing at Sky Bar. He was a nice guy, friendly and open minded, nothing wrong with that. He had even loved his character on screen when he had watched the series – Henry was a hell of an actor! But seeing them together in their promo shoots, their hugs and almost-kiss pictures on Instagram, to see how the fans were shipping them together made Wilhelm’s guts wrench.

Still he did his best to suck it up – it was fake after all. He knew it was merely acting, that there was nothing but friendship between Simon and Henry off screen. Actually, Simon had complained to him once, to which extent all the hysterics about their characters annoyed him sometimes. How much pressure he felt when fans made up wild theories about them and ripped stories out of their context, just to support their romantic cravings. They didn’t even care about the fact that Henry was having a girlfriend in real life. Neither did Wilhelm. No matter how hard he tried to stay calm, jealousy burnt its way through his guts, and he ground his teeth.

This should be us, he thought as he scrolled through Young Royals Twitter with all the sweet pics and couple shots.

There even were a bunch of Henmon love edits TO HIS OWN MUSIC

Enough!

He should really set his mind to something else. As Simon wouldn’t leave his thoughts, he could as well turn them into something productive. He took his guitar to hand and started to write.

I can’t stop the rain from falling, 
I swear
I can’t fight the feeling
of missing you here
I can’t stop you hurting 
everything that I am inside

It gave him a lot of pain to write his heart out, but it was wholesome at the same time. The words kept coming by themselves, left his soul and poured out onto the paper.

I've been tryin' so hard 
not to make an excuse 
just to call you tonight
Forgettin' my heart 
hurts a little bit more 
when I look in your eyes
And you're all that I want, 
but you're breakin' me apart

He would write a lot these upcoming weeks. Songwriting had always been his therapy. It was even fitting, for he wanted to work in the studio anyway after his tour was done. If there were one or two sad love ballads more for his upcoming winter album, it was just fine. That same evening, he sent Simon another unspecific text and received a likewise unspecific answer. He felt good about it. It was okay. Maybe they could be friends.   

But even if they were back to talking – kind of – Wilhelm did not dare to invite Simon to his concert at Forum Copenhagen in early June. He was thrilled to go back to Scandinavia, but it also scared him, for he felt like he was intruding on Simon’s terrain. He was to play an unplugged show – one of those he loved and dreaded most. Playing unplugged brought him back to his singer-songwriter roots. The unplugged venues were much smaller than his typical concerts, the atmosphere much more intimate. On these rare occasions he got to perform some of those songs that never made it to public release, but were close to his heart anyway – or even because of it. Being reduced to his guitar – or the piano sometimes – only supported by two other musicians to back him, with no screens, no light show, no effects, the response of the audience was unfiltered. If his fans disliked a song, he would get to know right away. Anyway, Denmark was close enough to Sweden and Wilhelm could not let the chance to see Simon again pass so easily. He decided for a risky move. He sent a text to the Young Royals cast group chat, that had gladly added him after their Sky Bar party and that he had put on mute for the last few weeks. 

W: Unplugged at Forum Copenhagen – wanna join? Am nervous, need support! Flights, hotel and backstage passes included. Would love to see yall there! 

A mischievous smile crept onto his lips as he pushed the send button. They would come, he was sure. Simon could not say no or his friends would ask him why. It was a weak straw, a loser move, but it was all he had.

Who would have thought, peer pressure could be a good thing for once?

Of course Wilhelm would ask Farima to book the cast into his own hotel, so they could have a drink after the show and maybe breakfast together in the morning. Wilhelm pursed his lips. He would not be alone in Copenhagen. He would get to see him. See his friend, his musical colleague. A big smile found its way onto his weary face, and he felt his pulse coming to life for the first time in weeks. He couldn’t wait for June. From now on, time was working in his favour. 

Simon felt his jaw drop to the floor when he read the message that had just popped up on his lockscreen. Wilhelm was inviting them to a concert.

Is he real?

Quickly, Simon checked his calendar, wishing hard that he had a shooting day scheduled or anything, ANYTHING to make a good excuse not to go. But the day was blank. The whole weekend was.

Crap!

Felice called only three minutes later. Simon rolled his eyes when he took the phone to his ear. He surely could count on her when some good entertainment was in sight, party princess that she was.

“Say you’re going!”, Felice demanded without even saying hello.

“I don’t know yet”, Simon squirmed, trying to sound busy. He could always put up a dance training or something on this day.

But Felice had her teeth in him and wouldn’t let go, like a dog, wriggling its favorite stick.

“You have to come! You’re his friend! How stupid it would look, if we turned up without you! Don’t you wanna go? Why? What’s wrong?”, she inquired in a slightly nagging tone, not even giving Simon time to answer a single one of her questions.

It didn’t matter. Simon didn’t know what to reply, anyway. He surely wouldn’t go into detail about the reasons for his hesitation.

Hell no!

On the other hand – Wille had texted them – not him. Maybe it was a sign. A sign that they were over this whole thing, that life had gone back to normal. He let out a long and audible sigh.

“I take that as a yes”, Felice exclaimed in a voice that did not allow opposition, and hung up on him just like that.  

Simon kept staring at his phone for another minute.

What in the name of holy mother Rihanna was that?

Had he just booked a ticket to Wilhelm’s concert? Suddenly he felt a strong urge to heavily bang his head against the wall. He took another deep breath, squinting his eyes in dismay. It was three weeks from now. Still time to get his shit together. But in the back of in his mind he hoped, something serious would hit him when the day arrived. The flu maybe. Or a bus. 

Here we go. Should I bite this transistor cable or jump off one of those light poles, Wille was pondering, as he shifted from one foot to the other, eagerly rubbing his sweaty palms over his thighs.

The lights had just gone out, there were only seconds left before he would have to appear on stage. He was a nervous wreck. Forum was booked out to the last seat. Fans had been queuing for hours although there was numbered seating. Wille took a peek out from behind the small stage that had been set up in the center of the hall. The faces of the crowd were hardly discernible in the dark, but he knew Simon was there, somewhere up in the audience. He would hear him perform, watch him at his best – hopefully like it. There were so many new songs Wilhelm wanted to sing for him, so many he had written in the gloomy hours, when sleep had forsaken him and he could only chose between writing and crying. He’d had a hard time picking the songs for the set list – he couldn’t sing them all. But the concert was unplugged, which meant he didn’t need any band preparation. So practically he was free to go for whatever he felt like in the moment. 

The show was superior. The atmosphere in the theatre was stunning, and Wille put the best of him in every line that ran from his lips. The audience could feel it and awarded him with storms of praise, waving and swaying to his rhythms. While the last big roar of screams and applause slowly subsided and people were calling for an encore, he finally made up his mind. Someone you loved it would be, it HAD to be. Because it was all he wanted to say, all he wanted Simon to hear. So he sat down at the black piano in the middle of the stage and adjusted his microphone.

“This is a new song I’ve written lately. It’s very personal, that’s why I’m extra happy to perform it tonight, for you guys.”

While he was speaking, his gaze grazed the rows of seats until his view locked with a pair of dark brown Bambi-eyes, watching him, worried and skeptical. Did he have an idea about what was to come? When Wilhelm’s fingers tapped the first keys of the song, his eyes cut loose from Simon’s pale face in the dark. He might not make it if he kept watching him.

I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to save me
This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy
I need somebody to heal
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold
It’s easy to say
But it’s never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

The words poured from his lips and he meant each and every one of them. He didn’t voice them to reproach Simon or make him feel guilty. He just wanted him to know how much he had meant to him, how grateful he was for the time they had shared, how beautiful and healing it had been. Still, he couldn’t hide his heartbreak – it was a lost love song after all.

Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

The audience went wild after he had finished, but Wille didn’t care about the shouts and the ocean of clapping hands. All he needed to see was Simon’s face. But the crowd was too crazy, he couldn’t discern the small boy amongst it, the bright stage lights rendering the attempt futile. So his nervousness reached a new peak when he left his changing room half an hour later to meet the cast backstage, as he had promised.

Felice rushed upon him to bury him in a huge hug, Sarah, Walter and August – even Henry – all greeted him with flashing eyes and glowing cheeks, fully infatuated by the incredible show they had just witnessed. Simon was with them, but Wilhelm noticed that he kept himself in the background during the big hello. When it was their time to hug, Wille felt Simon’s body tighten under his grip, and he let go of him quickly, although it cost him all the effort he could summon. Making his love uncomfortable was the last thing he wanted. His heart dropped, but nothing was more important to him than Simon being alright. He would not hold him against his will. 

---

Song 1: Clinton Kane, Remember the mornings

I've been rememberin' the mornings
Where we'd forget about the times
Getting lost in a sweet goodbye
But I, then I was thinkin' what you told me
In the car that you were fallin' deep
But then you went and closed the door on me

And I can't stop the rain from fallin', I swear
I can't fight the feelin' of missin' you here
I can't stop you hurtin' everything that I am inside

And I've been tryin' so hard not to make an excuse just to call you tonight
Forgettin' my heart hurts a little bit more when I look in your eyes
And you're all that I want, but you're breakin' me apart

Of me will always just be waitin'
For you to run to me on your own
Without me tellin' you what you should know
But how am I supposed to live not knowin'
That if we gave it just another chance
It might not have ended in a glance?

But I can't stop the rain from fallin', I swear
I can't fight the feelin' of missin' you here
I can't stop you hurtin' everything that I am inside

And I've been tryin' so hard not to make an excuse just to call you tonight
Forgettin' my heart hurts a little bit more when I look in your eyes
And you're all that I want but you're breakin' me apart
I keep hopin' you change, so it's not a mistake if we go back to the start
Ignorin' the way that I have to explain that you don't even try
But you're all that I want but you're breakin' me apart, part,
And you're breakin' me apart

---

Song 2: Lewis Capaldi, Someone you loved

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me
This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy
I need somebody to heal
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold
It's easy to say
But it's never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to
This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you
Now, I need somebody to know
Somebody to heal
Somebody to have
Just to know how it feels
It's easy to say but it's never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape

Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes
I fall into your arms
I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around

For now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Chapter Text

The night had already advanced quite a bit when they changed locations and the cast gathered in the big underground bar of their hotel to toast Wilhelm’s show and their reunion. After the fourth round of shots, Wille felt his head swirl. It was a nice feeling, warming his stomach and easing his mind at the same time. He even dared to approach Simon, who was easily keeping up with the drinking pace his friends had set. The cringe atmosphere around them toned down. Simon’s eyes followed Wilhelm through the bar, shooting him a beautiful smirk, almost like he used to do weeks ago, before everything had gone down the gutters.

“Hey”, Wilhelm called in his best swag – you wish, loser – when he leaned against the bar next to Simon, who was just ordering a cocktail from the menu.

“Hey”, Simon smiled. The smile looked genuine, but Wille could sense that he was still holding back. “That show was a blast!”, the raven boy added, eyes shifting between Wilhelm and the barkeeper, who eagerly rattled his shiny shakers for him.

Wille tried to ignore the fact, that the man cast a bunch of burning glances at Simon, who looked a little extra hot tonight, wearing a long white silk scarf and some dark eyeliner. But he didn’t manage the ignoring-thing very well and tortured the inner side of his cheek with his teeth to compensate. However, it was HIM Simon was talking to – so that point went to his card. He snorted a little laugh, that was supposed to sound chill. 

“Thanks. I like the energy in those small venues. It’s somewhat cozy.”

Simon raised his perfectly arched eyebrows. “Small? It’s six times the size of what I play in three weeks.”, he murmured, turning his gaze away from Wilhelm.

Wille felt his ears turn red, while he was manically browsing his brain for another stupid thing to say. But there was no answer, the line was dead. In the meanwhile, the barkeeper made a show out of serving Simon’s colorful drink. The prick even had the audacity to WINK at him when he handed the tall glass across the counter. Wilhelm had a hard time holding himself back from jumping over the wooden rail and rubbing the man’s face over the dishwasher-brush. Simon, cute as ever, even rewarded him with one of his chirping giggles.

Don’t you do this to me, Wilhelm’s mind echoed with an agonized cry, and his teeth hurt with the vehemence he crunched them together. Don’t act like that. Don’t be so much YOU, please! PLEASE, I can’t take this! 

Simon turned towards him and gave him a stern look. “That last song …”

Wille’s guts clenched. He wanted to run and hide. Why had he even done this, why had he played that song at all?

Stupid idiot!

He forced a trembling simper, not much more than a thin line, while his own breath was clogging his pipe. He was short from vomiting.

Just say you hate it. Say you hate it, say you hate me, say it to my face and you’ll never see me again. Just say it. Get it over with.

“It was beautiful”, Simon said with a clear voice.

A small smile played around his lips, but his eyes were still sad.

“Thank you”, Wilhelm croaked.

His gaze shot through the room, because he couldn’t look at Simon any longer, and finally gave in to the urge to flee the place. Wilhelm ran to the toilets where he smashed the door closed behind himself and locked it. His breath came in dragging sighs now, he was hyperventilating and had to take several minutes to compose himself.

He liked it. Simon liked the song. That’s what he'd said. But his eyes had betrayed him.  

After having to witness Simon enjoying himself with other people, Wille was almost thankful when the bar eventually closed, and everybody set off to find their beds upstairs. A little turmoil ensued in front of the elevators when all his very not at all sober guests tried to enter the cabin at once to get to their respective rooms. In the end, they all squeezed in under squeaks and giggles. Everyone but Wilhelm and Simon, who held themselves back and watched the doors slide close, shaking their heads at the chaos. 

After his silly bunch of friends had successfully layered in the lift and were gone, Simon found himself by Wille’s side, alone. He felt awkward, but a little nice also with nobody around to watch. It took the elevator some time to accomplish its full voyage, stopping at several destinations. In the meantime, Simon didn’t really know where to turn to. He checked his phone and wondered why there was no connection. The booze in his blood cut his ability to think straight. So it took him a while to realize that they were located in the basement of the building and he hadn’t set up the wifi yet. Wille shuffled his feet next to him, uneasily staring at the switching numbers which displayed that the lift was moving from floor to floor. After some dreadfully long minutes of silence, Wille turned towards him. He still couldn’t look him in the eye, but dropped his gaze to the floor instead.

“Simon …”, he started, tensely searching for the right words.

Oh no. Please don’t. Don’t say something stupid, that will ruin this night. I’m drunk and I’m tired. I can’t deal with this now!

“I … uhmm … I just wanted to say …”

Right in this very moment, the elevator returned and opened its doors, inviting them in. Relieved, Simon noted how Wilhelm gave his head a light shake as if coming to his senses, and closed his mouth again, swallowing down whatever had been on his tongue. With a sign of his hand, he motioned to Simon to go first.

“Always the gentleman”, he muttered through a smile, as he passed Wilhelm as casually as he could manage and entered. “What floor are you on?”, he inquired and earned a crooked smile from Wilhelm.

“Top.”

Simon rolled his eyes. Given - he should have known. He pushed the topmost button of the line on the panel with his index finger until it lit up under his touch. When he turned and leaned against the metal wall of the little capsule, Wille was there, close.

Of course he is there. Where else would he be?

And he was beautiful. In all his effort to block every memory of their time together, Simon had completely suppressed how handsome the singer was. He looked up at Wilhelm with a questioning expression, tilting his head a little upwards. His cheek-bones reflected the lights from above, and his throat formed that arch, he liked to display on his slightly more slutty model pictures. Was it the alcohol in his blood or Wilhelm’s look that made his knees go weak like this? The tall boy watched him through his blond strands of hair with a defiant air, that was literally the hottest thing Simon had ever seen. In the end, he couldn’t recall who went first. They smashed together like magnets let loose, Simon clinging onto Wille’s shirt for dear life as he pressed his lips onto his mouth. The elevator door opened again with a soft cling, and Simon reeled backwards out the door and down the hallway with Wille tightly adjusted to his lips. He relied on his partner to safely navigate him down the carpeted passage, as he saw nothing but Wille, his hands ravishingly working through his hair as they stumbled along. Lucky enough, the distance was short, and Wille hurried to fumble his key card out of his pocket while Simon already was about to brusquely unbutton his shirt. 

They entered a big but cozy hotel suite and Wille directed their way to the bedroom, where their pants befell the same fate as their shirts – being ripped off and neglectfully cast to the ground in a rush. The desire Simon had tried to quench so hard over the last weeks broke its way. He was horny as fuck, filled to the brim with yearning for this man who had not forgotten a single spot on his body that made him go wild. But he didn’t give Wilhelm much time to get into it. It wasn’t tenderness or affection he was craving – not tonight! There was just one thing he wanted right now. He didn’t even prepare, but lubed Wilhelm up and pushed himself down on his stand, working it in a rage, madly riding him into oblivion. Their sex was rough and quick, Wilhelm pushing inside his guts from below, giving Simon stinging sensations that deliciously fired his light-headed fury. He wanted Wille. He wanted to swallow him up, wanted all of him so badly. And it was HIS fault, his own damn fault, that he couldn’t have what he wanted. Shocked by the thoughts that had entered his mind, he ground down on Wille, despite the pain it inflicted, him being all merciless with himself.

This is my punishment. This is what I deserve for kicking him out of my life.

If he couldn’t have Wille around, he would at least make him mark his body, suck up the sweet pain and keep it safe so he’d never forget, what he had lost. It didn’t take long for Wilhelm to reach the edge, being all drunk and desperate. He shouted out Simon’s name as he came, pressing him down on his lap with a tight grip. Simon joined his moan while he rocked on to give him the best sensation possible. When Wille finally loosened his hold on him, Simon sunk down on his chest, breathing heavily. He hadn’t come, and he didn’t even want to. He wanted nothing but to crawl at Wilhelm’s feet for all the pain he had inflicted on the both of them with his stubborn fears and selfish pride. Slowly, his racing breath calmed down in Wille’s arms in the damp afterglow of his ride. Minutes passed by in total silence. When they started to get cold, Wilhelm pulled the blanket over them. He held him tight and placed a strong hand between Simon’s shoulder blades, radiating warmth and security.

Simon’s head firmly rested on Wilhelm’s chest, and he could well discern his rhythmic heartbeat tapping against his temple. Without Simon even noticing, silent tears emerged from his eyes, ran down his cheeks and wet Wilhelm’s bare skin beneath him. He didn’t utter a sob, just lay there, breathing in the scent of Wilhelm that he had missed for so long, taking in the heat of his body and the tenderness of his touch through the misty haze, which fatigue and insobriety had pulled over his perception.

“I’m so sorry”, he whispered, staring into the dark with dull eyes, vision blurred by a curtain of tears.

“You have nothing to be sorry for”, Wilhelm replied with a heavy tongue. “It’s just life being a bitch on us.”

That’s all there was. Wilhelm’s fingers kept lazily stroking Simon’s back up and down for a while, until his hand sank away and he drifted off to sleep. Once his deep and even gasps indicated that Wille was fast asleep, Simon slid from his side and sneaked away to the bathroom. After he had cleaned himself up, washed his face and dried his puffy panda-eyes – fucking eye-liner – he went back to collect his clothes. He had just put on his briefs and top and was about to step into his pants, when Wilhelm stirred, gave a soft moan and turned onto his side. How beautiful he lay there, the thin blanket only half covering his bare body, still and relaxed, eyes closed, his flat chest heaving softly.

He’s a prince, Simon thought, and a sad smile crept onto his lips.

He couldn’t leave him just like that. Before he knew what he was doing, he tiptoed over the blank floor, bent down and placed a soft kiss onto Wilhelm’s cheek. At the touch his knees gave away and he sunk down by the side of the bed. There he knelt like he was about to say his evening prayers, eyes resting on the calm face of his lover.

“Don’t go”, Wilhelm whispered quietly and slowly opened his eyes. “Don’t leave me”, he begged. “It’s not even dawn yet.”

He didn’t move while he was softly speaking into the dim darkness, just looked back at Simon with a saddened gaze.

“I didn’t even plan to come here in the first place”, Simon replied in an equally low tone.

“Yes, you did.”

“What makes you think that?” A little smile escaped Simon’s lips.

Wille – always the smartass.

“You only pushed one button in the elevator.”

The truth of these words slapped Simon right through his haze. He hadn’t even noticed, but Wille had.

Of course.

He would not let him get away with a feeble excuse tonight. The truth was: At some point in the past hours he had chosen – chosen him, chosen to be stupid and follow his heart.

So what if?

Simon couldn’t think. He didn’t want to, either. Thinking about him and them and everything had brought him nothing but pain.

But what if Wilhelm is right? What if I want to be here? Maybe I’ll just stay for another minute.

Where was the harm in that? Morning would tear them apart soon enough, so no need to run now. While Simon’s half-boozed brain was still pondering on the idea, his hand found its way by itself, tenderly coming down on Wilhelm’s that was lying on the white sheet, his fingers scrambling between Wille’s like it was their natural habitat, like it was their home and there was no other place for them to be. When Wilhelm lightly tugged on his hand, Simon got up from the floor and crept onto the bed under the cover, lying on his side just like Wilhelm, snuggling his back into Wille’s warming embrace.    

“Are we okay?”, Wille mumbled into his ear, already back on the verge of sleep.

“For now”, Simon breathed. “We are.”

---

Song: Cornelia Jakobs, Hold me closer

No need to apologize
'Cause there's nothing to regret
Well, this is not what I wanted
Guess all the good things come to an end

So baby, bye, bye
Wish you the best
But most of all, I wish that I could love you less
Well, maybe you're right, I'll find someone else
You say it isn't me, but when did that ever help?

Hold me closer
Although you'll leave before the sunrise
Might be bleeding, but don't you mind, I'll be fine
Oh, it kills me
I found the right one at the wrong time
But until the sunrise
Hold tight, hold tight

Maybe it happened too fast
I guess that I understand
You say that you never felt this way for anyone
And that's why it scares you to death
So baby, bye, bye
Know it's for the best
Still I can't see how that would ease the pain in my chest

Hold me closer
Although you'll leave before the sunrise
I'll be bleeding, but don't you mind, I'll be fine
Oh, it kills me
I found the right one at the wrong time
But until the sunrise
Could you just hold me tight?

I know I have to let go, but just give me the night
'Cause tomorrow will hurt
Hurt really bad
'Cause I'm about to lose the best I ever had

Hold me closer
Although you'll leave before the sunrise
I'll be bleeding, but don't you mind, I'll be fine
Oh, it kills me
I found the right one at the wrong time
But until the sunrise
Could you just hold me tight? 

I know, I have to let go
But just give me the night 
Can't you see that you
Found the right one at the wrong time?
It was just the wrong time
Hold tight, hold tight

Chapter Text

When some intense rays of morning sun crept through the gaps in the curtains, Simon lazily blinked his eyes open. It was warm in the room and there was a deep throb buzzing in his brain. He turned and found Wilhelm sprawled out on the other side of the bed, butt naked and snoring. Simon instantly felt sorry. He must have rolled into the blanket during the night without realizing and so stolen it away from Wille. He untangled himself from the linen and threw it over the blond boy, who instantly snuggled up in it. The sight made Simon’s heart jump. He got up with a moan, shuffled into the bathroom and took a lukewarm shower. He was too sweaty for a hot one, but his slight hangover didn’t allow the shock of cold spray on his head just now. After he had refreshed himself and gulped down two glasses of water from the tap, he felt better. A quick glance at the fancy light-beam clock in the bathroom told him that it was only seven thirty in the morning. Why was he even up? The others would surely not show up in the breakfast room before ten.

So no need to hurry.

As he walked back to the bedroom, a fleecy bath towel wrapped around his lean waist, he stopped right in the open door when his eyes fell on the blond boy who was resting in the paper-white sheets like a painting. Something awakened in the lower regions of Simon’s body at the sight.

Well, handsome, isn’t that a good morning, he thought and bit his lip at the idea that had just popped up in his mind.

If time was on his side for once, maybe he should make good use of it. With a mischievous smirk, he stalked over to the big Boxspring bed, grabbed the blanket he had abandoned with Wilhelm, and slowly pulled it at the rear end, so it exposed more and more of Wille’s bare body until it was completely gone and on the floor. Wilhelm uttered a little unhappy grunt as he was being robbed of his cover – again. It was endearing. The smile on Simon’s face had transformed into a broad grin, as he – smooth like a cat – crept up on Wille, scattering sweet little kisses on his thigh, hip and side.   
 
The first thing Wilhelm felt on this Sunday morning back in his Copenhagen hotel bed was a chill air drought on his body. The second was a sweet and tickling sensation that went up his side, followed by the scent of shower gel, lotion and summer descending on him. He opened his eyes to the breathtaking sight of two dark brown Bambi-eyes looking up at him from his chest where the owner of said eyes was just about to produce a sweet trail of warm saliva stains on his bare skin. His senses were clear in an instant. Although the heavy drinking of last night slowed him down a little, he found that his bodily functions were all on point. He took Simon into his arms and buried his nose in the sweet boy’s black curls. Simon turned his face up and smiled. Rarely had a good morning kiss been so sweet, so luscious, so wanted.  

“You’re still here”, Wilhelm whispered in a relieved tone, as his hand slowly untied the knot that held Simon’s towel in place.

“I’ve got nowhere to go”, Simon answered as the cloth went off and he sat back on Wille’s lower belly.  

Hungry kisses made their breakfast this morning, passionately and soft at the same time, so different from the predatory bites of last night. Simon explored Wilhelm’s body with his lips like it was the first time. Only he knew very well in which places to linger and gave Wille the most sensual experience, sending up his heart rate to a precarious level. When he was only short from exploding under Simon’s caresses, he pulled him up to meet his gaze. That boy was ever so beautiful. How often had he traced the outlines of his face in his dreams, recalled the chiming sound of his laughter in his mind until hot tears had shot up and disrupted the memory. He couldn’t believe Simon was here again, back in his arms, skin on his skin. Wilhelm’s heart was so full of affection for the curly singer, it hurt. He wanted to tell him, yell the words out loud that blazed in his mind in big glowing neon letters. But his chest was constricted, there was no air in his throat to produce a sound. Instead, Simon leaned in and wet his lips for a whisper.

“I want to have you.”

Wilhelm hummed approvingly.

“I want to OWN you”, Simon clarified, planting a row of kisses around Wille’s ear.  

Wilhelm looked at him with a curious gaze. Simon took his hands and put them above his head, holding his wrists in a tight grip as he leaned down to taste his mouth with his tongue. Wille was about to lose his mind. His hip arched against Simon’s lap as the boy was still straddling him, pinning him down with his hands and legs.  

“I’m yours”, he panted, feeling just about to go feral.

Simon smiled a sassy smile, bit his lip and sucked it as he watched Wille shiver with anticipation. He reached down and in a quick move produced the scarf that he had worn the day before.  

“Do you trust me?”, Simon inquired, lazily playing with the silken cloth.  

Wilhelm’s pupils dilated, his mouth started to water and he had to swallow.

“I’m yours”, he gasped again, hardly capable of forming words at all at the prospect of what was about to happen.  

“You’re sure?”

“Yes! Do!”

Gently, Simon wrapped the scarf around Wille’s wrists and with it tied his hands together above his head. After a reassuring look into Wille’s glazed eyes, he wet his fingers and went down on him, applying his mouth to his stand and his fingers to his butt. Wille squealed with pleasure that was even enhanced by the restraint on his hands. It killed him that he was not allowed to touch the boy that was working his body in this heavenly way. But the turn on, his locked hands gave him, was even better.  

“You’re okay?”, Simon asked as he ripped the condom pack open.  

Wille’s brain was malfunctioning. It could only resort to auto reply. “I’m yours. I’m yours.”

When Simon put up the legs of his lover and entered the narrow cavern of his body, Wilhelm let out a groan of pleasure. The dancer held him close, grazing his face with his lips as he gently rocked him. It was grand, glorious, delicious. And it wasn’t enough. Wille needed more of this, more of him.  

“More!”, he gasped into Simon’s ear. “Own me!”

Simon was happy to serve. He straightened up, pushed Wille’s bound hands down with his left while the right pulled up his leg as he dug into him with quick thrusts. Behind his closed lids, flashing lights shot through Wille's brain and he could do nothing but tilt his head left and right, fruitlessly trying to suppress his heated whines, while his belly burned with fire and his inners were about to explode. Never had he felt this close to anybody, this wanted, this cherished. When Wilhlem felt Simon’s fingernails scratching the palm of his hand, his moans grew ever louder, so Simon closed his mouth with his own while pushing him deep into the mattress.  

Simon took the stairs down to the fourth floor where his room was located. He really didn’t want to meet anybody in the elevator. Back in his room, he changed clothes and paid a quick visit to the bathroom. The boy that gazed back at him through the big mirror looked healthier than he had expected from the short hours of sleep and the troubles of the night. His cheeks were rosy, and his skin glowed even more than usual. Summed up, he looked freshly fucked. It was nice. He could go by that. Not at all nice was the thing he found when he tilted his head to the side to apply his razor for a quick shave. His eyes grew wide with surprise as a huge purple hickey presented itself, decorating the left side of his neck right under his chin line.

Fuck! How has that happened?

Wilhelm’s grinning face appeared before his mind’s eye.

Yeah, sure, that's what happened. Stupid loser with his stupid, perfect, nibbling lips!

Simon desperately checked all items in his bag, but there was nothing that could help to cover up that mark Wilhelm’s love had sketched onto his skin. In the end he had to leave it at a bit of concealer, which didn’t help a lot.

Own it then.

It wasn’t very visible anyway, if he didn’t lift his head up too high.  

When he arrived in the breakfast room, everybody else was already gathered. His friends were seated on a long, nicely decorated table, each in a different state and condition. Felice and Sara happily chatted along, treating themselves with a glass of champagne to accompany their crispy croissants, while August was holding his head and sipping a glass of water that looked a lot like it was containing some dissolved aspirin. Wilhelm had found a seat at the rear end of the table and didn’t even look up, when Simon entered.

Good.

They had agreed on not letting anyone know.

“Let’s just leave it at that”, Wilhelm had suggested when they had nestled up against each other, chest to chest, in the bright morning light, his long fingers stroking Simon’s neck, up to his hairline and down to his shoulders in a mesmerizing flow. “No expectations, no obligations. And we just see where it takes us.”  

So this was how it should work. It was easy. Simon threw a quick ‘god morgon’ into the party, then set off to find some food. The night had been exhausting in a lot of ways. When he got his plate to take a closer look at the rich buffet the hotel crew had set up for them, Henry appeared by his side right out of nowhere while Simon was still deep in his thoughts.

“Did you have fun last night?”, he blurted out in his typical henryesque manner.  

Simon jumped.

Good God!

Why did this guy always have to scare him like that? It took Simon a moment to comprehend that Henry was most likely referring to the concert and their little party in the bar - and not to what had happened afterwards.

He can’t know about that. Or can he?

“Yeah!”, he gasped, playing his best cool so badly, noone would ever have thought he made money with acting. “It was good.”

The hell it was, he kept thinking, and instantly his cheekbones blushed with heat.  

At this moment, a crashing sound from the other side of the room caught their attention. One of the waiters had dropped a metal tray with cutlery and everything had gone to the floor in a loud clatter. Simon turned his head in the direction of the sound, causing Henry to hiss through his teeth. 

“Whoah, who gave you this? I know that wasn’t there yesterday”, he yelled, pointing a finger at the hickey that was in all its glory shining on Simon’s neck.

Simon cringed, biting his lip. Decency had never been Henry’s defining trait. While he was still searching for a witty reply, Henry surprised him by answering his own question.  

“I got it! The barkeeper! He’s been staring at you all evening. Did he knock on your door later to give you some special service?”, Henry winked, all content with his reasoning.  

Simon forced a smile. Luckily, Henry’s attention was quickly caught by a pile of sweets on the sideboard, and he headed over to investigate. A small sigh escaped Simon’s lips when he watched Sherlock Henry patter away. He turned – and his plate nearly slipped through his fingers, for Felice sprang up right behind him.

What the hell is wrong with these people? Can’t they just make a sound when they move?

Very obviously, she had overheard the whole conversation and was now scrutinizing Simon with a raised eyebrow.  

“The barkeeper”, she echoed flatly, giving him her best who are you trying to fool-face.  

Simon’s lips were glued together, he couldn’t produce a single sound. Henry was easy to distract, but Felice was a tough opponent. She was too clever to be screwed with. So he just looked back at her, somewhat pleading with his eyes to stop torturing him. After a long second, a soft smile appeared on his friend’s face. It gave her an angelic glow, eyes blazing with delight.

“I hope he makes you happy”, she said in a low voice, and both their gazes flickered to Wilhelm, who was gesticulating at the table, making the crew laugh with some foolery.

Simon smiled, genuinely now, and Felice gave his shoulder a little tap.

Not letting anyone know? Well done!

Simon shook his head at himself. This was going to be so much more difficult than he had thought.   

---

Song: Tom Odell, I know

Cold hands, white light
Yellow lamps on blackened skies
Duffel hoods and deep brown eyes
I'll sing you a song that I think you'll like

And we'll walk the places we always go
A million faces I don't know
I'll say the words you'd always hope
Sets our hearts racing even though

I know what you told me
I know that it's all over
And I know I can't keep calling
Every time I run, yeah, I keep on falling

I know what you told me
I know that it's all over
And I know I can't keep calling
It's just every time I run, yeah, I keep on falling on you

On the way you stand, on the way you sway
The way your hair curls in the rain
The little lines that write your face
Or the winter nights, you'd come and stay

Or the way you hit me when you wanna fight
The way you yearn, the way you cry
The way our love rolls with the tides
But we know we'll make up every time

I know what you told me
I know that it's all over
And I know I can't keep calling
It's just every time I run, yeah, I keep on falling on you

Oh, won't you bring me all the things I need
Like falling rain to a rolling sea
Oh, won't you bring me all the things I need

I know what you told me
I know that it's all over
And I know I can't keep calling
Every time I run, yeah, I keep on falling on you

Chapter Text

W: Miss you 
S: Same 
W: How are you?
S: Tired and sweaty 
W: Rehearsing? 
S: How do you know? 
W: Because I’m clever 
S: You are. Makes me feel bad 
W: How does it make you feel bad that I’m clever? 
S: Because it makes me look stupid next to you 
W: That’s ok. You’re pretty 
S: Go die 
 
Simon didn’t know where they stood. When he had gotten back from Copenhagen, Wilhelm had kept on texting him, like all the breakup-thing had never happened. Intriguingly, he didn’t mind. Every day that started with Wilhelm’s sweet good morning, followed by a funny meme on his phone, was a good day. And so it happened that he, full-on-idiot-Simon, eventually was the first to push the video-call button. Many more times followed, but it was never enough to bridge the distance. When he wasn’t on his phone, Simon’s mind was occupied by his upcoming show. He spent his time in the dance studio with his choreographers, in the recording studio with his musicians or in the venue to check out the details of the place. Simon was all hot for this night – just as his fans were on social media. The tickets had sold out in a rush. Simon still couldn’t believe it. People would come to see him from all corners of the country. Him, and him alone! It was incredible! How much he had worked up to this! How many years he had spent grinding and yearning for a chance like this. In a few days, his dream would finally come true. His family and all his friends would be there to see him together with the crowd.

Only Wilhelm would not. He was on a US tour again, promoting his new single and working in the studio for his album he planned to release at the end of the year. Wilhelm was devastated. He wouldn’t stop apologizing for missing out on this important event, even though Simon told him it was fine. Maybe he had been a little bit disappointed when Wilhelm had broken the bad news to him. But the closer the big night drew, the more the feeling turned into relief. He would surely be much more relaxed on stage, knowing that there wasn’t a million-dollar superstar in the crowd watching and judging him. He really, really wanted to see Wilhelm again. Their meetup in Copenhagen dated almost three weeks back by now, and his mind as well as his body showed heavy symptoms of Wille-withdrawal. But maybe not on this special occasion when he needed to focus. Bad enough, he would have to perform Off my mind alone and try to not get carried away by sweet memories on stage. 

Wilhelm was pacing about his hotel room like a tiger, shortly stopped to look out of the big window that offered a breathtaking view all over Manhattan without appreciating it in the least before he resumed his rush. Farima uttered an annoyed grunt as she waited for him to answer her question. But she had a feeling she would not get a decision concerning their recent topics out of him today. Her leg bobbed up and down on her knee while she sorted the papers that lay scattered about the sofa and the table in front of her. This boy would be her downfall. He had just returned to track after his Copenhagen concert, and things seemed to go back to normal. But the agitated air he was radiating just now gave her reason to believe she would probably need a new pack of her migraine medication soon.
Suddenly, Wilhelm stopped dead in the middle of the room.  

“When was it we were leaving New York again?”

“Thursday.”

“And we’re going to …?”

“Atlanta. You’re booked on that Late-night TV show I told you about two weeks ago already. And then there’s the stadium concert on Saturday.”

Wilhelm absentmindedly pulled his lower lip and stared out of the window again.  

“Soooo, if I fly overnight, I’d make it to Stockholm and back on Friday.”

Farima made big eyes in her shock. This boy wasn’t real.

“You are going nowhere on Friday. You get some rest and prepare for your show. Stockholm is a twelve-hour flight from Atlanta!”

Wille gave her a look that she had not seen on him ever before. It was determined, bossy, with a slightly raised eyebrow that indicated he was not debating anything here. He looked – grown. Although his plans were childish and stupid, she knew that he would not drop them, no matter what she said. He was in love, that boy. He was gone and out of reach for reason or sanity. 

When Wilhelm arrived at the concert venue on a warm and cozy Stockholm Friday the crowd was already waiting to be admitted inside. Hundreds of fans were chanting and swaying, full of joy and expectation to see their idol – Simon Eriksson – live on stage. Wille tucked his hoodie down over his eyes to hide as much of his face as possible as he sneaked around the theater to the side entrance. The security guard at the door opened his mouth to shoo him away but stopped dead and stared at his face when Wilhelm revealed himself. After the man had overcome his paralysis, he pulled out his walkie-talkie and mumbled something about VIP and major security problem to his colleagues. Wille hurried to bark at him to shut the fuck up and just get him into that concert without telling anyone – especially not Simon. So he was escorted to the balcony where the lights engineer was stationed and no fans were allowed. The position was perfect. He had a full view of the stage without being seen from there, as the gallery was completely obscured. His hands got sweaty and he felt that very familiar knot in his stomach, that usually built up right before he was to go out on stage himself. But it wasn’t for his own sake, he was experiencing the jitters. Simon was down there, right in the back of the stage and would emerge any minute. Simon – his beautiful, sugar-sweet, hot as fuck Simon. And Wilhelm was there to hear him sing all the songs that were so close to his heart, to witness him being admired by his fans and cheered through the show as he deserved to be. The weariness that had caught him after a long and bumpy flight and almost cradled him into a slumber on the taxi ride from the airport was gone. His heart was full. Full of anticipation, full of joy. The lights went out, the beat came up, and just like the rest of the audience, Wilhelm screamed his heart out.

Simon couldn’t wipe the grin off his face that had engraved itself on his lips from the second he had set foot on stage. His cheeks were hurting from the grimace, but there was no way his muscles would release the tension that was holding the beaming smile in place. This was the best night of his life! He had lived his dream for ninety minutes straight and had had a hard time to leave the alluring spotlight. He wanted to return to the audience again and again, just play on for the rest of the night until he dropped with exhaustion. But eventually, his team had dragged him off the scene.

All good things come to an end. True, but sad. This must happen again, as soon as possible!

Simon’s heart was still beating in his throat when he stepped out of the little shower that was part of his changing room. Luckily – for he had been sweaty all through. His outfit had been a blast, but Simon had underestimated the heat of the spotlights and was still gulping down bottles of water to rehydrate his drained body. He needed to change for the afterparty that had been set up by his team at a nearby club. He was really looking forward to it because he absolutely didn’t feel like going home right now.

No way!

He had just slipped into his pants and was about to grab his shirt when a knock on the door snapped him out of his thoughts. A security guard popped his head in.

“You’ve got a visitor.”

The man was gone again before Simon could tell him, that he wasn’t ready to welcome anyone. So he quickly wriggled his arms into his shirt, just to get stuck and having to pull out again.

Grand! Hope this is not a reporter or anybody else with a camera.

He hadn’t even done his hair! The unannounced call upset him and was about to kill his good mood. They could all meet him at the party in a minute.

Damn it!

When he had untangled his head from the shirt again, someone was standing in the open door. For a moment, Simon thought it was Wilhelm.

Wait, what?

Simon had turned his shirtless body away to not present himself full on bare to his visitor. Now he slowly turned back, eyes growing wide with surprise, arms still stuck in his shirt.

“Hey there, queen of the night!”, Wilhelm smiled, mildly surprised that he was not only getting to see Simon, but Simon topless. He didn’t really mind, though.

Simon just kept staring. He didn’t even manage to blink.

“Are you alright?”, Wilhelm asked with a worried look.

He fully stepped into the room and closed the door behind himself. The movement awakened Simon from his rigor. Instantly, his face turned soft, joy flashing in his eyes with the realization and his lips split into a ferocious smile. He opened his mouth, but still couldn’t form any words.

“Are you having a stroke?”, Wilhelm chuckled, pulled close and put a gentle hand to Simon’s cheek, intensely hooking onto his gaze.
“Hi”, he purred and wet his lips with the tip of his tongue.

“Hi”, Simon whispered back, right before he raised on tiptoe and smashed his lips into Wilhelm’s.

Finally, he managed to untangle his arms from his shirt and threw it to the side. Wilhelm caught him in a tight embrace that was good to last for all eternity. Simon hooked on his neck, kissed him deeply and opened his mouth wide to capture every single breeze of his visitor’s breath. The one he had missed for so long. He turned his head here and there to place wild kisses all over Wilhelm’s face. Their teeth touched and gave a small klink, that made them both laugh.

“You said you couldn’t come!”, he breathed without stopping to move his lips over Wille’s delicate skin. “Weren’t you in the states?”

“I was”, Wille confirmed. “And I’ll have to go back straight. But I wanted to say hello.”

“Well, hello then”, Simon smiled, eyes flashing with devotion.

“Hello then”, Wilhelm echoed as he lifted Simon up from the floor to press his body even tighter against his own, grabbing his ass to get a better grip while Simon folded his legs around him in a firm clasp.

A whole bunch of questions was shooting through Simon’s mind, but he couldn’t phrase them because there was absolutely no way he would stop kissing that boy,who had just appeared right out of the fever dream this crazy night had turned into. He was shoved backwards and fell over the armrest of the ragged couch that was standing on the side wall of the room, giggling. Wilhelm was just about to lean over him – but Simon was not in for any more surprises this night.  

“Lock the door!”, he pleaded, and Wilhelm jumped to obey. When he returned to the couch, the curly boy was grinning up at him. “Remember we had our first kiss on a couch like this in another basement just a few streets from here?”, he asked, like years had passed from that incident to this very moment.

Yet it had only been four months. Four months that had demanded a lot of him – both of them. A whole life seemed to have rolled by from their first encounter to their reunion, so many emotions had passed through his tiny body, there didn’t seem to be any more left. Wilhelm bent over and gently pushed him into the cushions with a sweet kiss.

“Only you weren’t half naked then”, he teased as he let his lips wander down along Simon’s neck to caress his pecs, tightly grabbing his thigh and gently pulling down his pants as he went.

Simon lost his mind. There was just no way to stay sane in these arms, under the trail of these lips, the sound of this sweet voice. He had thought he had missed Wilhelm. Now he realized that he didn’t know shit. He was DEPENDENT on him, addicted, head over heels crazy about that guy. He was in love. 

Never had Wilhelm made love like this with anyone else before. The way their bodies were the perfect fit, carving into each other like they had been made from one piece made Wille whine. When he felt Simon’s bare skin under his hands again after all this time, his whole body started to shiver. They held onto each other like castaways and shared everything that was vital, from their breaths down to their heartbeats. He was so close, so close he could smell him, taste him and drink him in. There was no other place on earth he would rather be in this very moment and every moment that would follow hereafter. He buried his head in the crook of the dancer’s neck as he moved with him, slowly and passionately, and a sigh escaped his lips that was almost a sob.

“I love you”, he whispered against his cheek.

The words were out before he could even think. And he didn’t care, because they were true. If Simon had to know a single thing about him, it was this.

“I love you, Simon, I love you!”, he repeated, tasting the words on his lips and decided they were delicious. He would shout them from the steepest hill, carve them into stone and write them onto his skin. “I love you so much!”

Once he had released the flow, it felt like he could never say anything else again. Simon pulled him close, lips pressed on his temple as his hands fervently clawed into Wilhelm’s back.

“I love you, too!”, he gasped, pushing against his chest like he aimed to melt into him. “From the first day. I didn’t want it, I was scared. I was so stupid!”

Wilhelm leaned his forehead against Simon’s, trying to hold back the happy tears that were about to raise in his eyes. He almost managed, but a single one made it’s way down his cheek and dropped onto Simon’s lips. They shared the taste of it in a tender kiss. It was sweet and salty and heartfelt. Wilhelm smiled into the kiss without letting go of Simon’s touching lips. He would have to leave again tonight, but he would take a promise with him this time. A promise of love, of devotion and commitment.

-----

Song: Daniel Bedingfield, If you’re not the one

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with

And I'm prayin' you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and
Pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms?

Chapter Text

When Simon finally came to his senses the next day, it was already noon. The night had been long – very long, because nobody had wanted to go home – and they had partied on until long after midnight. This was also the reason, why he had ended up in his mother’s guest room. Her apartment was closer to the party location, and it would have been a shit end of the night to return to his own empty flat. He stretched his limbs, that were sore from dancing, and uttered a delightful yawn. A memory hit him, and he fetched his phone from the nightstand in such a quick move, it almost toppled out of his hands. A burst of notifications blew up in his face when he switched on the screen, but he brushed them all away. Eagerly, he scrolled through the tags, until he found that one name, he was looking for. He had to confirm, that it had really not been a fever dream, a mere mocking of his overloaded mind to torture him. 

W: Hope you have a lot of fun tonight. Flight goes in an hour. Call you tomorrow. Love you.

Love you.

It was real. Wilhelm had said it – and he had said it back. They were lovers! A delirious smile crept upon Simon’s face, as he let himself fall back into the cushions. Wilhelm loved him. He had come all the way over the ocean to see his show in the middle of his own tour. It was the sweetest thing, Simon could ever have imagined.

Just as he was about to wrap himself into some cozy daydreaming, the door was thrown open and his mom entered with two glasses of champagne in her hand, wiggling her hips and belting “Que pasa, que pasa?”. The song was an old one, but it was still one of her favorites. Simon giggled. Ever since he had been a little boy, he had never gotten sick of his mom waking him up in the mornings with her contagious bright mood, singing and dancing around him, so – even as a grumpy teenager – he forgot about the fact that he was being jerked from sleep.

“What’s up? How are you, mi amor?”, she chirped, as she sat down on the side of his bed, handing him one of the glasses.

Simon didn’t need to answer – his face gave it away. He couldn’t recall any day in his life, that had been better than yesterday. With a wide grin, he clinked his glass into hers. Seeing his mom all radiating with glee and pride added up to the perfection of this morning. The more love she showed him, the more he felt the urge to confide in her. Holding back all the pain and stress over the past months and hiding them from her, to not make her worry about his state of mind, had been the worst. She was his best friend after all. When they sat down at the breakfast table, which Linda had loaded with all his favorite dishes for a celebratory brunch, he couldn’t contain himself any longer.

“Mama, I think I have to tell you something”, he smirked and bashfully pulled up his nose. “You remember this boy, Wilhelm?”

His mom looked up from her orange bites with a surprised glance. “Your co-star on Off my mind? That thin boy who needs a haircut?”

“Yes”, Simon nodded and hurried to add, “actually I was HIS co-star, but okay”, knowing perfectly well that correcting her wouldn’t be of any use. His mom would always put him first, no matter what. “We kinda have a thing going”, he mumbled with a blush.

Linda gulped and shook her head in disbelief. “You have just played your first sold out solo concert, and the only thing you talk about in the morning is a man?”

Simon snorted a laugh, that got caught in his pipe, and he almost suffocated on his bagel. “He’s not just A MAN”, he stated after he had washed down the crumbs with a sip of coffee. “He’s just rocked a twenty-four-hour plane ride only to see my show.”

“Why wasn’t he at the party, then? It would have been nice to meet him”, Linda answered in an offended tone. She didn’t appreciate getting to know important things late.

“He had to go back to the states right away. He’s playing a stadium concert in like – uhm – seven hours.” The reality of this fact struck Simon hard.

Oh my God, he’ll be crawling into that venue on all fours tonight, he realized and instantly felt bad for Wille.

“And then he also didn’t want to steal my show, I guess”, Simon shrugged.

If Wilhelm had followed him to the club, he would definitely have been the talk of the night. Not that Simon hadn’t invited him. He would have so loved to dance the rest of the night away in his arms. But Wille wouldn’t have it.

“This is about you!”, he had stated, hugging him close after they had gathered their clothes and restored some decency to the changing room.

The sweet weight of his arms around Simon’s shoulders was addicting. He didn’t know how to let go of this embrace and snuggled his nose into Wilhelm’s sweater. The sweet smell of the boy wrapped him in, and Simon stood there, breathing, eyes closed, until the chime of his mobile pulled him out of his reverie. It was Henry.

“Where the hell are you, man? We’re dancing our asses off here for almost an hour! How long are you taking? Everybody’s waiting for you!”

Hot blood shot into Simon’s cheeks. He had completely forgotten about the time at that point. Henry’s call had reminded them that there was no more leisure for an elongated goodbye, and Simon had rushed to catch up with his team and friends while Wille had gotten a taxi on a direct route back to the airport.

His mom pulled up her eyebrows. “And when did you plan to introduce us then?”, she inquired in her best mom-manner.

Simon made big eyes. “Ahem, I didn’t mean to rush this.”

His mother gave him a dismissing look. “If he’s the first thing that comes to your mind on a day like this, he’d better make a convincing appearance to your family.” She took her empty cup and walked over to the coffee machine on the counter. “Hope he does better than the last one”, she murmured on her way. 

When two weeks later the hype around the concert was slowly settling, Simon found himself sprawled on the couch in his living room, hitting high scores at his favorite video game when Rosh called.

“Are you becoming a superstar now?”, she yelled. “Can I even talk to you anymore, bitch? Why is your line occupied all the time? Being important now, are we?”

Simon pulled away from the phone. Again. He was a slow learner, obviously. “What’s up?”, he inquired after the ringing sound inside his ear had ceased.

“What do you mean ‘What’s up’? Red Light is up, idiot!”

Simon rubbed his temple.

Charming as always!

And when had Rosh become his career stalker? “I know it’s up. It was released right after the concert.”

“Yeah, but it’s UP up. Like UP in the charts”, Rosh grunted. “Number one in Sweden, Norway and Finland, Top Five in Germany, Poland, France and Belgium, Top Fifty in the freaking US! You made it, bro!”

Simon stared at his phone.

What?

He wasn’t up to date. After the concert and the song release all energy had left his body like a popped balloon. He had been so hyped up before the show that his power levels had dropped down below zero in a rush after it had been done. His body was exhausted, his mind had gone blank. He barely managed to chose what to wear in the mornings these days, creating enticing looks in fifty shades of sweatpants. Apart from that heavy lethargy, his life was good. He was in love. Everything had fallen into place, so he’d just let go of all tracking. He didn’t even look into his social media but dedicated his hours to video gaming – and Wille gaming. Talking to him on the phone whenever he found the time – yeah, why was his line occupied all the time again – falling asleep face to face with him on video-calls and finding a new emoji-swamped text on his screen every time he took up his phone had become Simon’s new obsession. It was the worst and the best about long distance. It was annoying as much as it was exciting. He’d been learning a lot about sexting recently and found himself entangled in cheesy phone calls, ending in

“You hang up!”

“No, YOU!”

“I don’t want to hang up!”

“I have to go.”

“Don’t.”

“I must.”

“Love you!”

“Love you more!”-kinda fuckup. It was disgusting. It was beautiful. It was all he needed right now. Giving voice to his feelings was unfamiliar to him. Receiving words of love like this even more. One night, after Wille had gone to work – because he was in the US again and it was early morning for him – Simon had actually scribbled a song about it. It was a silly little work in Swedish about never-ending phone calls that Wille wouldn’t even understand. But it didn’t matter, because it was not to be released EVER. He did it just for fun. Simon wasn’t in the mood for real work right now. More photo shoots for Young Royals were coming up the next week. But Simon had never felt less like doing them.

So it has finally happened, just like I knew it would, Simon pondered while he blasted his way through another zombie attack on his TV screen. He had lost his working drive and focus over Wilhelm and their, well – what were they even?

“Hello? Have you passed out?” Rosh’s voice was well discernible, also at a distance. “I would if I were you. This is insane! You’re gonna be rich now!”

“Stop hyping like that”, Simon replied, throat dry. He had to check this. It wouldn’t be the first time his friends pranked him – only this wouldn’t be particularly funny, right? USA Top Fifty? That was huge!

And indeed, his phone didn’t stop buzzing for the rest of the day, because it was no prank at all. His newest single had made it to the international charts, it played on the radio and spread like a wildfire on Spotify and social media. He was known! 

“Why are you looking like that?”, Henry inquired, chewing on his squishy hot dog, nicely clad into a white plastic apron to shield his borrowed designer clothes from the mustard that was only another handshake away from splashing onto his lap. Luckily, their stylist on the photo-set was already used to Henry’s lack of table manners. Henry eyed the fast food in his hand and grimaced. “Ugghh, those vegan sausages – I don’t know – for real. Mehhh!”

Simon smiled. This was Henry’s special talent. He always made him laugh, even when Simon didn’t feel like it. He drove a nervous hand through his hair only to realize it was full of gel and spray, slimy and sticky. He brushed his palm on his thigh and immediately received a warning eye from the costume assistant.

“Don’t know. It just feels weird”, he said, shrugging. “I’ve been fantasizing about hitting the charts for so long. And now that it happens, it’s just scary.”

“Why ifh fhat?”, Henry asked right after he had stuffed another big hot dog bite into his mouth.

“Because suddenly being known comes with a lot of pressure.”

Henry swallowed and drew his finger trough the mustard on his apron to lick it up. Simon grimaced at the sight. Had he really kissed that boy in front of a camera?

Henry looked at him, sucking his mustard-finger. “What do you mean, ‘suddenly’?”

Simon sighed. Henry was funny, but he was also slow at times. Especially when he was being focused on his lunch. He might as well give up the subject. It was lost on him, anyway.

“I mean, you already ARE famous”, Henry continued. “You’ve been making music for ages, and Young Royals is shooting like crazy. We’ll be going to the freaking Jimmy Fallon show! You’re doing this celebrity shit every day. So what are you afraid of?”

Simon looked at him. He dearly wished, he could share Henry’s perspective, but it wasn’t that easy.

How am I a celebrity? Wilhelm is a celebrity. I’m just Simon.

Henry looked back, swallowed the last huge clump of bread and pea-sausage and frowned again, while unscrewing his water bottle.

“Don’t you know who you are? Grow some confidence, man! Have you checked your social media lately? Your fanbase is bigger than mine, and I’M the fucking star of this show!”

Simon huffed out a laugh. “You’re the star? Says who?”

Henry grinned. “See, that’s the confidence I’m talking about! You’ve got it. Stop putting yourself down.”

Simon shook his head. “But that’s only when we’re together. We’re a team, right?”, he smiled and nudged Henry’s shoulder with his.

Henry set to wipe his mouth on his sleeve, but kept himself from it at the last moment. “It pains me to say – but I’m pretty sure, you don’t need me. You can fill out these photos on your own. I mostly feel like a piece of furniture by your side anyway. I definitely look like one in these brown slacks. What is that shit actually?”, he frowned, as he looked down on himself, mud-colored legs sticking out under his apron. “I’ll get another hot dog. Want one?”

“You said you didn’t like them.”

“I don’t. But I’m hungry. So I eat. Stop overthinking everything, Simon!” 

-----

Song: Omar Rudberg, På min telephone toda la noche 

Jag vill ha dig på min telephone toda la noche 
Vet det så du måste lägga på baby förlåt mig 
Hur du rör dig hur du rör mig
Hela du lyser av vitamina d
När dina läppar o' mina läppar ba' fick göra sin grej
Känslan får mig glömma bort att andas
Känns som luften går i sänder
Flera timmar i streck med varandra
Yeah du har mig nu det är bara du

Jag vill ha dig på min telephone toda la noche 
Vet det så du måste lägga på baby förlåt mig 
Inte min mening att dra dra på din tid 
försökt låta dig va' baby
Jag vill ha dig på min telephone toda la noche 

Vamo otra vez vamo otra vez
Vamos a buscar agua que ya tenemos sed
Mis labios quieren mis labios quieren
Quieren besarte otra vez

Känslan får mig glömma bort att andas
Känns som luften går i sänder
Flera timmar i streck med varandra
Yeah du har mig nu det är bara du

Jag vill ha dig på min telephone toda la noche 
Vet det så du måste lägga på baby förlåt mig 
Inte min mening att dra dra på din tid 
försökt låta dig va' baby
Jag vill ha dig på min telephone toda la noche 

Känner mig vi har var't uppe så länge 
Jag vet att snart är det morgon
Och vi får det svårt upp ur sängen 
Men vill höra mer vad du gjort
Hade bli't galen nu om du drog
Får aldrig nog nej vi kan inte prata för länge

Jag vill ha dig på min telephone toda la noche
Vet det så du måste lägga på baby förlåt mig 
Inte min mening att dra dra på din tid 
försökt låta dig va' baby
Jag vill ha dig på min telephone toda la noche 

English:

I want you on my phone all night
I know you said you have to hang up, baby, I'm sorry
How you move, how you touch me
You shine with vitamine D
When your lips and my lips just got to do their thing
The feeling makes me forget to breathe
It feels like the air is breaking apart now
Several hours in a row with each other
Yeah, you have me now, it's just you

I want you on my phone all night 
I know you said you have to hang up, baby, I'm sorry
It's not my intention to demand your time, 
I've tried to leave you be, baby
I want you on my phone all night 

Let's go again, let's go again
We're going to search for water because now we're thirsty
My lips want, my lips want
They want to kiss you again
The feeling makes me forget to breathe
It feels like the air is breaking apart now
Several hours in a row
Yeah, you have me now, it's just you

I want you on my phone all night 
I know you said you have to hang up, baby, I'm sorry 
It's not my intention to demand your time, 
I've tried to leave you be, baby
I want you on my phone all night 

I feel inhuman, we've been up for so long 
I know it will be morning soon
And it will be hard to leave the bed 
But I want to hear more about what you've done
Would have gone crazy now if you left
I'll never get enough, no we can't talk for too long

I want you on my phone all night 
I know you said you have to hang up, baby, I'm sorry 
It's not my intention to demand your time, 
I've tried to leave you be, baby
I want you on my phone all night 

Chapter Text

There was no darkness, no heartbreak or crying for him in the upcoming weeks. Wilhelm thought it was nice for a change. The moment he was free for more than two days, he would be on a plane to Stockholm, catching Simon in his arms on a run when he got there. They still played the “just friends”-card to the fans and media and had to put up with a little bit of sneaking around, but it was worth it. Wilhelm got to meet Simon’s closest friends, who took him in like he’d been there forever and did their very best to protect their privacy. Wilhelm felt happy. And he felt loved. The lazy mornings, they spent together at Simon’s place were his favorites, when the both of them would just stay in bed cuddling and fooling around, crumbling snacks all over the sheets and waste their time together in the most beautiful way.

“What are you looking at?”, Simon asked, smirking in a soft morning glow that shone into the bedroom through the high windows of his apartment.

Wille lay on his side, head resting on his arm, and hadn’t even realized he was staring at Simon’s face – again.

“Sorry”, he smiled. “This is just so unreal. I still can’t believe we’re here. Together.”

“I wish we didn’t have to hide here”, Simon muttered, casting his eyes down.

He felt guilty for rendering things complicated, still was uneasy about their whole fucked-up situation. ‘How is your love life?’ This question followed him, wherever he directed his steps. It had become a running gag among the reporters who were interviewing him in the last years, because his answer had always been ‘Nonexistent’. But things had changed and he was sick of lying, so he had shifted his reply to ‘A mess’ lately. This, at least, wasn’t too far from the truth. 
Wilhelm took his hand and interlaced their fingers. It was his comforting gesture, Simon had learned. He always did it when Simon’s mood got low. It helped.

“We’re doing whatever makes you feel comfortable”, Wilhelm ensured him. “I’ll go hide with you in a hermit’s den in the mountains or parade you through the streets with cheers and trumpets in a palanquin. I’m in for whatever you want.”

Simon smiled at his words. This boy was just so silly. Although he could definitely see himself in a palanquin – but not right now maybe. 

Simon let go of Wille’s hand and reached out for him to run his slender fingers along his bare side. The touch made Wilhelm shiver. When Simon’s hand reached his waist, he gave it a quick squeeze. Wilhelm cringed and burst into a giggle. In a rush Simon was all over him and tickled his sides until Wilhelm screeched like a little girl.

“Stop it! Stop!”, he cried, desperately gasping for air, caught Simon’s wrists with his hands and held them tight.

But Simon wasn’t to be checked and took to applying his teeth to the side of Wille’s throat, where he eagerly sucked a dark blue hickey, gnarling under his drag like a puppy. When he was satisfied with his work, he slurped a wet tongue up Wilhelm’s throat and wet his ear with it, clearly aiming to torture his visitor in the best way possible. The blond singer wriggled under his tease, cackling, until he got a better grip on Simon to throw him over and bury the smaller boy under his body. He nailed him down in the sheets and pacified him with an intense kiss. Simon arched his body against his, whining into his mouth while Wille was still pinning down his hands. When he was nearly drunk with the taste of his beloved he let go and gently pushed him over, so Simon came to lie on his stomach. The raven boy pressed his forehead into the pillow to muffle his giggles as Wilhelm started to nibble his hairline with his lips and teeth. Wille shoved his hands under his body, grabbed his pecs with both hands and softly squeezed them as he climbed on top of his back and found a comfortable seat on the dancer's voluptuous butt.

“What an exceedingly fine cushion you have there”, Wilhelm teased and wiggled from side to side on top of him as if to make himself a cozy nest.

“I know”, Simon grumbled, voice muffled in his pillow. “Been carrying it around for years.”

“How vile of you to keep it all to yourself”, Wilhelm scolded. “I claim my share of sitting on it from now on!”

Simon let out an amused chuckle that turned into some cozy purring only a moment later when Wilhelm started to give him a firm massage of his shoulders, sides and lower back with strong strokes of his hands. Mesmerized, Wilhelm watched the play of his partner’s muscles on his lean back when he moved and wondered for the hundredth time how he had ended up in this place at all. If karma was a thing, he must have been an exceptionally good boy in another life. He gazed at Simon in astonishment and almost forgot to move his hands in the act.

I wish I was a painter, so I could draw this and put his beauty on display for all eternity.

A smile split Wilhelm’s features while he reinforced his efforts to caress the warm skin under his hands.

Funny, he mused, how the word ETERNITY matched so easily with the name of Simon in his mind. And it didn’t feel a bit weird.

Yikes, getting cheesy now, are we? Better distract yourself, before you snatch your curly Madonna and drag her to the nearest altar, mouth agape and butt naked.

He reached out and drove a hand through Simon’s soft hair, then pulled it so he would put his head up a bit, and leaned down to him.

“Do you trust me?”, he whispered into his ear, followed by a soft kiss onto his temple.

“Hmm”, Simon muttered and cast a glance back at him that was burning with fire.  

“Yes or no?”, Wilhelm inquired. “I need a word.”

“What’s your plan?”

“Don’t move!”, Wilhelm commanded, jumped off him and went to rummage through his traveling bag, that he had cast on the floor the day he’d arrived. Eventually, he produced the white silk scarf, Simon had left in his Copenhagen hotel room. He had kept it like a treasure for weeks now, casually smelling it or tying it around his hand to re-feel the silken touch of the cloth. After it had stopped smelling like Simon, he had worn it round his own neck several times just for the sake of the attached memories.

Simon smirked. “I’ve been wondering where that one had ended up. Thought I had lost it somewhere”, he mused. A little insecure glance passed over his face. “Are you going to tie me up?”

“Actually, I was thinking of something else”, Wilhelm grinned and returned to straddling the back of his lover, who hadn’t moved as he had been bid, but just curiously watched him over his shoulder, cheek resting on his hands.

Wilhelm untangled the scarf and carefully put it over Simon’s eyes from behind. Simon uttered a surprised hum, but let Wilhelm tie the knot with no resistance. Wille paused, marveling at the sight. Had he thought of Simon being beautiful just a moment ago? Then the view of his lover blindfolded, the lose ends of the feather light white scarf pouring over his back like a bridal veil, was absolutely breathtaking now. Yet again, Wilhelm bent down over him and repeated his question.

“Do you trust me?”

A light chuckle left Simon’s chest. “I guess I do.”

“No guessing”, Wilhelm mumbled while his lips engraved a smooth kiss in between his shoulder-blades and continued to graze the soft skin on Simon’s back. “That’s not enough”, he murmured under his breath.

Simon felt a curious tingle in his breast, induced by the sensation of the silken cloth over his eyes and back, Wilhelm’s tender caresses and his soft voice in his ear. But although he was burning with heat, the single little alarm bell in the back of his head kept screeching in a maddening tone, although it was merely a tiny anxious clump. It had declined in the past weeks, this trait of his consciousness. Wille had melted it down with every touch and every word, every minute he’d sat and attentively listened to Simon’s babbling, with every look into his eyes full of genuine devotion.

Do you trust me?

The answer was: Yes! Yes, he did trust Wille with all his heart. From their first night together, when Wilhelm had sensed his concern and how he had embraced it, with all the respect and patience he’d shown him, Simon had known already back then that there probably wasn’t a safer place for him on this earth than in Wilhelm’s care. Wilhelm’s. His boyfriend’s.

What the hell?

It probably was time to let go of old fears.

“I do”, Simon repeated assertively and placed his head back on the pillow.

The world had gone all black, and he found himself being reduced to feel. And once he let himself fall into that void, what he felt sent him levitating. The little hairs on his body stood on edge when Wilhelm traced the slope of his spine with luscious kisses. His fingertips caressed the spots around his nipples and some strands of his blond hair fell over his face when he kissed his back and brushed over Simon’s excited skin, tickling it like a feather. Wille played his body like an instrument, eliciting the sweetest sounds out of him that he didn’t even know he was capable of. So it was easy for Simon to eventually give himself up to his lover as he advanced into his intimate sphere, held his hips tight and took possession of him in the most exquisite manner. The sensation of Wilhelm taking him – all of him – for himself, how he owned him and ruined him without any trace of force or persuasion, filled Simon’s heart and mind in an unknown way. As recently as half a year ago he would never – NEVER – have delivered himself blindfolded and unprotected to the mercy of someone else. His toxic relationship had taught him to be on his guard, to never give up charge or he would be devoured. It was so different now.

How can all of this just have changed, Simon wondered, as he searched his heart for the lurking fear he had known so well and which was now nowhere to be found.

Little had he known about what love was, how it changed perception and shifted perspectives. Little had he known about himself, that he one day would find the boy Simon gladly and naturally donating all he had to offer to another man, sacrificing his self-control and his pride on the altar of love. He was willing to give himself to Wilhelm – his body, his mind, his heart – to let him rule over him and make him his peasant, if his devotion was the reward. Simon arched his back to maximum, producing a delicate slope that he knew was Wilhelm’s favorite sight, heaving his butt up for him to gain even better access and do him just right, as he took his thrusts and moaned for more. It was the hottest thing he had ever experienced, and he was so gone for it. He felt Wilhelm loosen his grip on his buttocks, and instant yearning filled the place where the singer’s palms had squeezed them only a second ago. Oh God, how much he loved his hands in that place! Warmth filled the air, and a moment later Wille sank his body down on him full length, slinging a long arm around his chest and pulling him even closer. He reached so deep, Simon wanted to cry from pleasure. His whole body sizzled with excitement when the blond boy buried his face in the crook of his neck from behind and bit down, sucking on the sensitive skin right above his shoulder while dancing with him in his very own rhythm. A little scream escaped Simon's lips and mingled with Wille’s groans, which he softly panted right into his ear. Wilhelm felt his way down between his body and the mattress until he found what he'd been searching for and gave him a rub with his palm while holding him tight and thrusting into him at a quick pace. Simon was getting loud. He couldn’t help it, he was gone to the world and its etiquette.

“Come for me, little butterfly”, Wilhelm gasped, and Simon’s cry turned into a row of high pitched sobs.

He was done, he couldn’t take this a minute longer. Surrendering to his desperate desire, he pressed his butt up against Wilhelm’s hips and let go of all bonds. Wille followed him right after, biting down into his shoulder again and leaving another bruise there as he went. Simon’s body was twitching, his muscles wouldn’t obey his commands but jerked softly, firmly restrained by Wilhelm’s heavy bodyweight and his arms that were holding him tight as he freed him from the blindfold. He felt Wilhelm tenderly running his nose and lips over the side of his face.

“I love you!”, Wilhelm sighed into his ear.

“I love you”, Simon gave back with a quivering voice, eyes still closed.

It was them – only them – and nothing and nobody would fit in between. 

---

Song: Omar Rudberg, Talk

I'm so done with wasting time
'Cause now my mind is racing
And it's so hard to fake it
You fly around like a feather in my mind 
It's not easy to say it
But you're messing me up so good tonight

It's the way that your eyes can make me go quiet
Try to fight it but I can't pretend
'Cause I'm higher than I've ever been
You should know I don't mind
If we sit here in silence
But your body it speaks to me 

So why don't you
Why don't you
Why don't you let it talk?
Won't you let it talk to me all night long
My focus is set on your body
So let it talk won't you let it talk?
Baby, let's get lost 

Moving closеr now, babe
Let's get to thе phase where 
We don't have to say it
And it would be a shame if we let this go
Just stay 'cause your body tells me
We're close

So why don't you
Why don't you
Why don't you let it talk? 
Won't you let it talk to me all night long
My focus is set on your body
So let it talk, won't you let it talk?
Baby, let's get lost 

So let it talk
To me all night long
Your body language is speaking right to my heart 
And I can't get enough
So why don't you
Why don't you
Why don't you let it talk 

Chapter Text

Simon jumped when he opened the heavy envelope made from expensive paper that had fluttered into his mailbox early that morning together with some colorful slush-ice coupons, a takeaway-menu and his gas bill. It had looked so beautiful that he had been afraid to cut it open at first. The letter he pulled out was adorned with the logo of the Emmy Awards and said INVITATION in big golden letters imprinted on top of the text. It wasn’t a standard invitation – it was an invitation for nominees! Simon gasped, his eyes nearly tumbling out of their sockets. They were nominated! Young Royals was nominated for Best Foreign Drama Series, and the cast, directors and producers were being invited to the show. He let out a serial of uncontrolled squeaks and started to idiot-dance around his small kitchen. Wille popped his head in, hair wild and eyes still heavy from sleep. They had just crawled out of bed a minute ago.

“Why are you making piggy-sounds?”, he yawned, looking at Simon with a furrowed brow.

Simon couldn’t talk, so he just thrust the letter against his chest and kept on dancing while he grabbed his phone and started to text. Wilhelm scanned the letter and smiled, pretty much awake now.

“Emmy Awards? Wow, guess I’ll have to get myself a ticket for the show then. Congrats!”

Simon threw his mobile onto the counter and clung to Wilhelm’s neck while he kept pattering the floor with his bare feet like a happy penguin.

“There’s no tickets you can buy to this”, he grinned from ear to ear. “It’s invitations only.”

Invitations! Invitations, invitations. And I GOT one!!!

Wilhelm pursed his lips as he lifted Simon up from the floor, tenderly stopping his wriggling.

“You can be pretty sure that I get one, if I ask politely”, he stated.

“Oh right”, Simon sneered, pointedly rolling his eyes as he looked up at him. “Because you are sooo important!”

Pretentious douchebag.

“As a matter of fact, I AM so important”, Wille pointed out. “And this very important person is incredibly proud of you, Mr. Best Drama Series.”

Simon didn’t want to show, but he was flustered by the words of his million dollar-kinda-boyfriend-whatsoever and pressed his mouth against his shoulder as he smiled into Wilhelm’s t-shirt. The scent of his warm out-of bed-wear made him dizzy.

“It’s only a nomination. That doesn’t mean we’ll win!”, he mumbled soothingly, but his heart was betraying his words by pounding hard against his chest from excitement.

Still, Wille wouldn’t let go of his thread of thoughts. “So that means, I’m officially sleeping with a movie star now?”, he pondered, nuzzling the top of Simon’s head with his lips.

Simon softly pushed away and gave him a sassy smile, crowned with a raised eyebrow. “Young Royals is not a movie, I’m not a star and there is nothing official about the two of us”, he said, poking a delicate finger into Wilhelm’s breastbone, half-pirouetted in his dancer-style attitude and floated from the kitchen, five centimeters above the ground. 

Wilhelm watched Simon’s back as he left – that boy – wrapped in a crumpled, oversized sleeping shirt, that used to be Wilhelm’s until some weeks ago.

When had it changed owner?

Eventually, the smile ran away from his face to make room for a saddened look that he didn’t want there. But it stubbornly repeated to put itself onto his expression when he was sure Simon didn’t see it. He didn’t want the emotions either that came with that look. Because he had offered Simon to play by his rules, to not push or pressure him into anything he wasn’t ready for. But it hurt. Why did it hurt so much to hear him say these cold words right into his face, like he needed to be reminded? Wilhelm shook his head.

Fuck it!

Everything was okay the way it was. They were together – if only behind closed blinds – but they were happy together, and they were fine. He couldn’t ask for more. Or could he? Simon’s phone on the counter came to life and startled him out of his reverie. And it kept on buzzing for hours from there as the Young Royals chat went through the walls.  

When Simon and his fellow cast members emerged from the car in front of the Peakock Theatre in Los Angeles on a hot September evening, his breath caught and he had to hold on to Henry’s sleeve to not topple out of the car seat and faceplant right onto the red carpet. The amount of fans that were waiting for them to arrive and now screamed their lungs out when they recognized their idols, made him blink with disbelief. This was Los Angeles! And hundreds of people had gathered to see them, get a glimpse of the cast or touch their hands as they walked the carpet, smiling and waving. Simon felt an irritating pearl chain of sweaty droplets run down his spine underneath his laced Armani shirt.

Thank God no one gets to hug me, Simon thought, discreetly checking his odor.

The show hadn’t even started and he was already wet all through. Hopefully the make-up-artist had done a good job, and his mascara wouldn’t come running down his cheeks in a minute. Cameras were flashing all around them and it took a good amount of time until all the cast had been photographed from every possible angle. Everybody sighed with relief when they finally stepped out of the turmoil and into the air conditioned coolness of the theatre. They walked up to the first floor, happily accepted the drinks they were offered by some neatly liveried catering staff, and took a little bit of time to process everything that had just happened. The show wouldn't start before an hour’s time. Felice’s wide smile beamed through the room like the sun while Henry and August were about to empty their second glass of champagne in an attempt to drown their nervousness and steady their shaking hands, while the producers went around clapping shoulders. This award-show was a really big deal for all of them.

Simon had stolen away from his team to get a minute to himself and walked over to one of the big curtained windows that overlooked the entrance they had just stumbled through. As he gazed down, he could see right onto the red carpet and watch how TV-show stars from all over the world and a collection of other celebrities made their entrances one by one. He was completely awestruck by the fame and glamor he got to witness. And he was right in the middle of it all! It was unbelievable.

Deserved, Henry would say.

Sick, his mind screamed.

All of a sudden, his heart jumped. Simon pressed his forehead against the windowpane and stared out, lips apart and breathing heavily. He knew those dark blue pants and the sparkling jacket that peeled out of the backseat of a bullet proof limousine right at this moment, knew it so well! The floppy hair followed and Wilhelm made his appearance, welcomed by a scream from the audience that shook the thick walls of the theater. Simon watched as Wille appreciated his fans, turning about himself winking and smiling like the pro he was. He even went over to some lucky fellas and signed a couple of autographs for them. OBVIOUSLY he had gotten his invitation. OBVIOUSLY he was SO important. And as much as Simon tried to be repelled by all the pretentiousness surrounding his secret boyfriend – it didn’t work. The feelings inside his chest were nothing like cool. Because OBVIOUSLY Wilhelm was here to support him. HIM. Simon. Who was gone for this boy as he stared at him from right above his head, his brain blank and heart full of affection. He was short from drooling as his mouth had been hanging open and he hadn’t thought of swallowing for quite some time now. Wilhelm was looking good, stunning even.

Dammit, how handsome he is!

Simon had to blink.

What’s wrong, idiot? What is this? Stop fangirling that stupid loser, he told himself off.

Like Wilhelm hadn’t puked all over his shoes after partying to hard when they had celebrated midsummer at Felice’s. Like he didn’t cast his laundry on the bathroom floor in a pile - right NEXT to the basket - as if it would diffuse into it by some invisible magic. As if he hadn’t burnt in a saucepan in his kitchen, only because he was being shortly distracted by Simon walking by half dressed in tight briefs and a button-up, tie hanging losely around his neck and maybe teasing him with a little alluring smile. Okay, this one probably went onto his own card. He hadn’t meant to ruin their lunch, but hey - what do you mean Mr. Good-looking is cooking? They had ended up ordering pizza, and Simon needing to re-dress after his shirt had crumpled at their feet on the kitchen floor. He was gone for him, head over heels, and Simon didn’t know how to contain this love inside his small body any longer. It was wrong to let the blond boy stand there all on his own, blinded by flashing lights and having microphones shoved into his face by random people. Even from a distance, Simon could clearly perceive Wilhelm’s clenched fist, how the nails of his fingers dug into the soft skin of his palm that he held close to his body. He could sense his agony, his urge to flee, even through the cool glass of the window. Why didn’t anybody else see it? Why didn’t they let go of him? All of a sudden, Simon felt sick. He wanted to be down there, to snatch Wilhelm away and keep him safe, ground him in this blizzard of flashes and clicks and shouts that was sweeping over him. An idea slowly crept into his mind and filled it, sending chill threads out into his heated body. Maybe he had been wrong the whole time. Maybe this wasn’t about himself after all. Simon had been engulfed by his fear – so focused on matching up with Wilhelm in terms of fame and significance, he hadn’t for a second understood that it really might be the other way round. A gasp escaped his lips, as realization hit him. Wilhelm wasn’t waving down to him from the pinnacle of success - never had been. He was drowning in his fame, hanging on for dear life and reaching out for his hand in desperation!

Simon tore his eyes off the scene and took a quick step back, face distorted in the outlines of shock this sudden insight had painted upon his features. He turned, thrust his glass into Sara’s hands and sprang down the stairs. There was more at stake in this game than his own musical career. It was Wilhelm, his sweet, caring and generous Wilhelm, his BOYFRIEND, whom he had reduced to a shadow in his useless anguishes – just like an extra in a film production, who was giving their all but still remained unseen. When Simon stepped out through the huge entrance door, the heat of the closing day, the lights and the noise hit his guts like a brick. He felt like wading through syrup and had to force his feet to move as he made his way towards Wilhelm, who was still caught by interviewers, grilling him about his predictions of tonight’s award results. Simon didn’t think. He let his body take control, like it had become his habit when he was close to Wilhelm. The moment he pulled up to him, his hand reached for Wilhelm’s on its own accord. He felt the cramps in Wille’s fingers loosen up as Simon slid his palm into his, softly caressing his knuckles. Wilhelm paused his interview and eyed him with a surprised expression. He turned away from the reporter, who stared at them with big eyes, and Simon could see Wille’s chest heaving heavily.

“What are you doing?”, Wilhelm mouthed, barely audible, while he searched Simon’s face with a bewildered expression.

“Coming out. With you”, Simon smiled, pulled him in and pressed his lips on Wilhelm’s, who stood there thunderstruck, while his own heart raced away in his chest like a hunting dog. He didn’t let go, even as the paparazzi awakened from their paralysis and started to shoot a storm of flashlights down on them. Simon didn’t care anymore. Because it was all about confidence, right? He knew, who he was, and he knew his value. There was nothing to hide, nothing to be afraid of. He would fight for the things that were vital to him - his music, his shows, his acting career - and his Wille. His partner, whom he was determined to represent from this moment on, head high and full of pride, as the entity he was - his ACHE, his MUSE, his LOVE.  

---

Song: Sam Smith, Fire on fire

My mother said I'm too romantic
She said, "You're dancing in the movies"
I almost started to believe her
Then I saw you and I knew

Maybe it's 'cause I got a little bit older
Maybe it's all that I've been through
I'd like to think it's how you lean on my shoulder
And how I see myself with you

I don't say a word
But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know
There you go, saving me from out of the cold

Fire on fire would normally kill us
But this much desire, together, we're winners
They say that we're out of control and some say we're sinners
But don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms
'Cause when you unfold me and tell me you love me
And look in my eyes
You are perfection, my only direction
It's fire on fire

When we fight, we fight like lions
But then we love and feel the truth
We lose our minds in a city of roses
We won't abide by any rules

I don't say a word
But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know
There you go, saving me from out of the cold
Fire on fire would normally kill us
But this much desire, together, we're winners
They say that we're out of control and some say we're sinners
But don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms
'Cause when you unfold me and tell me you love me
And look in my eyes
You are perfection, my only direction
It's fire on fire

Chapter Text

Press had them in a strangle. But it still felt good. Because they were in it together. And - unexpectedly - Simon found, it was lots of fun. The moment Wilhelm had realized what was going on, he had jumped on the Wilmon train and done his best to support the public picture of their relationship and - if necessary - protect Simon from shit, people were throwing his direction. It wasn’t much, though. Their fans were the best. As many of them had shipped them together from the moment, Off my mind had been released, it almost felt like a big millstone dropping from everyone’s neck. Social media went wild for weeks, new edits of the two of them reaching millions of views. Their music downloads shot up and Simon’s fanbase was invaded by Wilhelm-fans, the numbers spinning up faster than his phone was able to count. It was a huge relationship promotion turmoil. In all this, Simon and Wilhelm were navigated by Wille’s PR team, making sure their private life was kept sacred. Very quick after their unplanned coming out as a couple on the Emmy’s red carpet - for which Simon got a thorough roasting from Farima, who scolded him for half an hour straight about the brainless action without taking a single breath in between - before she pulled him in an gave him a tight hug, Simon and Wilhelm were set up as THE iconic gay couple of the decade. Their life was public now, there was nothing to change that. So they did their best to settle into their newly created public space, Simon and Wille shooting instagram stories to and fro while their fans waited impatiently for the other to drop a saucy comment when a new pic came up. 

Simon at a photo shoot. 
W: Credits to the make-up artist. Because you def didn’t look like that this morning. 

Wilhelm in jogpants on a couch.
S: Oh look, what the cat dragged in!

Simon with his dancers.
W: Hands off my boyfriend! Take me instead.

Wilhelm on stage.
S: Slut! Slutty slut, slut! Bitch.

It was so easy and fun to play with the fans. Like Wilhelm walking by in low jeans and a tight top in the background when Simon was doing a live stream from his kitchen. Everybody kept screaming Wilhelm, so he poked in for a minute to chat, only to be snapped at by Simon to get out of his live.

“Live, holy shit, not life!”, Simon giggled at Wille’s side eye, and everything went down in laughs and chaos.

Another live stream was held by Wilhelm as a full on ASMR-session, as he called it. Comfortably resting against a cushion on his hotel bed, he whispered into the camera for a full half hour, only to reveal a sleeping Simon nestling on his chest when he said goodbye, leaving their fans dissolved in cries and sighs and heart-eyes. Simon was overwhelmed how naturally it all worked out for them. The fears that had eaten him up in the last half year of being reduced to a plus one next to Wilhelm turned out to be groundless. They were the couple of the year. They were complementing each other. With Wille lifting Simon up, and Simon anchoring Wille down, they quickly found the perfect balance, so both could breath freely in the whirlwind of prominence that was their lives. There were plenty of interviews being set up for them, where both meticulously declared they were keeping out of each others’ musical business. That they had no say and no meddling in releases or projects that weren’t their own. And that they didn’t plan on working together in the near future. But being open about their lives, sharing frequent updates about cozy dinners and holiday getaways kept speculations at bay and gave them a pretty safe - and controllable - setting for their relationship to bloom.
The only thing they kept for themselves was the kissing. Because Simon found that he needed something to call their own, something that was just between the two of them. So the infamous red carpet kiss remained the only kissing-picture ever available of Simon Eriksson and Wilhelm Saunders, this one being exploited even more from each and every view and angle, haunting the newspapers and magazines for weeks. And although the fans begged them on their knees to give them more of these intimate moments, Wilhelm and Simon stood firm against it. 

Autumn had come to an end and winter started to roll over the country, when the date of Simon’s twenty-fourth birthday was drawing nigh. Wilhelm was pumped. He wanted to give Simon something very special as a gift.

But what?

Naturally, he could present him with everything money could buy. But that wouldn’t be what Simon wanted, for sure. Restlessly, he strolled around his friend’s apartment in Dublin. Robin was the one who had rescued him one night back in the times when Wilhelm was a crazy teenager and had gotten into trouble with the wrong people. He had woken up on Robin’s couch the next day, and they had been the closest of friends ever since. Wille’s eyes flew over the heaps of cloth and fabrics that lay stacked on the desk and window sills of Robin’s bedroom. His friend had a dream. He wanted to be a designer, someone who dressed the rich and the beautiful with exclusive pieces of his brand one day. But he didn’t have the means to get the education when he was a student and ended up as a staffer in a fashion store that was selling other brands than his. Still he worked on model pieces whenever he found the time. Some of them were rather weird, some were stunning. Now, Wilhelm’s eye fell on a reel of purple fabric, jeans-like but shiny. It was glamorous. It screamed Simon.

“Robin?”, Wilhelm called over to his friend, who was shuffling around in the kitchen, making them tea. “Could you maybe do me a favour?”

The restaurant Linda had booked for Simon’s surprise party was a cozy, elegant place in the heart of Stockholm. The tables were set with white cloth, shiny glasses, tall candles and silver cutlery. When Simon tumbled over the threshold, his mouth stood open at all his close friends welcoming him in a big hello. There were golden balloons and a delicate birthday cake on a side table, jolly music playing from the speakers and a lot of hugging and kissing for the beaming birthday boy. Wilhelm stood on the sidelines together with Henry and a big smile split his face from side to side to see his boyfriend so happy and relaxed in the embrace of his loved ones. Only half a year ago, Wilhelm could never have imagined to be part of a family like this. To be right in the center of love, to find himself in a position where making someone else smile was the biggest goal to achieve. His heart jumped in his chest when Simon sneaked up to him after having said his hellos to everybody and stole a sweet kiss from his lips.

“Happy birthday!”, Wilhelm whispered into his ear.

“You said that this morning already, when you woke me up”, Simon smiled, clinging to his neck like a little koala. “And at breakfast. And lunch. And in the shower. And … “.

Wilhelm closed his naughty mouth with another kiss.

“There’s still five hours left of your birthday, so you’ll probably get to hear it some more times. But first I wanna give you my present.”

Simon’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re giving me a present?”

“Sure. Isn’t that what people do on birthdays?” Wilhelm smiled as he produced his package, neatly packed in blue paper with butterflies printed all over and a pink ribbon.

“Ohhh, did you pack this yourself?”, Simon asked, voice dripping with doubt.

Wilhelm blushed. “I had help.”

Simon felt his palms get sweaty as he took Wilhelm’s packet from his hands. He hadn’t really expected a gift, although he probably should have known Wille would think of something. It was soft, the blue paper cracking under his grip. He couldn’t hold back. He’d always been the type of person who ripped the wrappings off packages in a rush. He was just too curious. So he did now. Wilhelm was looking over his shoulder as he tore the paper. When he had uncovered the contents, Simon’s hand suddenly stopped, puzzled. His boyfriend had gotten him - clothes? When he took it up, the fabric unfolded, and to light came a breathtakingly beautiful pair of pants. The roughly washed purple color was the most striking Simon had ever seen. The pants looked used, but in a high class fashion, sexy kind of way. There were buttons running up along the sides of the legs and a stitching was sewn right beneath the left front pocket. It looked familiar. Simon drove his finger along the silver thread. It followed the figures he had drawn with his hand a million times by now. It was his own signature! Simon gasped. He held the slacks in front of his body, and they seemed to be the perfect fit at first sight. As he was used to having to shorten his pants because of his low height and having to tie them together with a belt, this one seemed to be just right.

“I need to try them on!”, he huffed and sprang to the toilets to change.

When he exited the cabin, he couldn’t believe what he saw in the big mirror in the corridor of the restaurant. The pants fit his shape like a second skin, sitting far down on his waist without sliding down, covering his legs in a way that made his whole frame look absolutely edible. Simon turned in front of the mirror, and a gasp escaped his lips as he scrutinized his ass.

Wow. That’s definitely something! How come, they fit this way?

Wilhelm pulled up to him, mouth ajar, staring.

“Did you have them made?”, Simon asked unbelieving, as Wilhelm embraced him from behind and let his hands slide over his hip bones.

“I’ve got a friend, who’s a designer. I wanted to give you something special. They’re unique - and quite a fit”, Wilhelm breathed. “I knew they would look good on you, but I didn’t expect THIS!”

Simon couldn’t stop grinning as he turned and smashed a smacking kiss onto Wille’s mouth.

“You’re just crazy! This must have been so expensive!”, Simon whined, pushing his palms against Wille’s pecs. But his boyfriend just laughed.

“Actually my friend is fine with a box of chocolates and a bottle of champagne. And maybe a shoutout on your insta, if you feel like it.”

The hands of his boyfriend trailed down over his ass and he could feel the heat radiating from Wille’s body. He could easily tell that his man was about to lose it. For a second, he considered to return to the cabin with him to give him a very personal thank you. But it was his birthday party, and folk was waiting for him. So they would have to postpone the gift appreciation work until later that night. He tenderly shoved Wilhelm away and walked down the passage to the main room, swaying his perfectly wrapped hips and casting a sassy glance over his shoulder back at his lover, who was falling behind, all fiddling and blushy. 

The dinner was delicious, and although everybody was filled up to the brim with food and wine, nobody wanted to miss out when Simon cut and dealt his birthday cake. Wilhelm and Simon got into a mood and ended up feeding each other with the sugary cream. Ayub rolled his eyes in disgust, until Rosh also fed him a spoonful. When the dishes had been cleared, Linda called a toast on her son and everybody clapped and cheered. Simon’s cheeks were blushing red from the wine and the compliments, his eyes sparkling like a star spangled night sky. Wilhelm was just about to drown in the sight of his lover, when Linda reached for him over the table.

“Are you going to sing now?”, she yelled, loud enough for everyone near to comprehend.

Simon’s head turned in a flash and he stared at him. Wilhelm was a little bit taken aback by Linda disclosing his plans with no warning. But as much as he had dreaded this moment for days, as much did he crave to do this, to give Simon the second part of his present which he had prepared in long nightly hours, carefully put together and drawn from the bottom of his heart. So he got up, took the birthday boy by the hand and made him stand by the piano that was decorating one corner of the room. When the chatting and laughing crowd realized what was coming up, everybody went quiet, all eyes set on the young couple.

“You’re not singing Happy Birthday, don’t you dare!”, Simon laughed as he stood there, squirming uneasily. “I’m gonna cry if you do.”

“No”, Wilhelm chuckled. “I’m not, promise!”

He sat down at the piano and stroke some random keys until the attention of the room was all his.

“This beautiful boy has NAGGED me for WEEKS now to write him a love song”, Wille exclaimed, eliciting a light hearted murmur from the audience.

Simon gave him an unbelieving look and clasped his hands in front of his face. “Nej! Nej, nej, nej!”, he stammered. “This was not serious. It was just a joke!”

But Wille’s grin only became wider. His heart jumped when he saw tears shooting into Simon’s eyes, even before he had sung the first line. He brushed his fingers over his boyfriend’s arm and squeezed his hand.

“Don’t blame me now. You brought this upon yourself”, he smiled and turned to face the keyboard.

When he felt, the small crowd in his back couldn’t see it, Wilhelm took a deep breath and let out a small sigh. His pulse was drumming in his ears, and his heart felt like it was just about to set off and flutter out the door like the butterflies on Simon’s gift wrap. He had been working on this for so long. Not because it was complicated or fancy. Actually, it had been fairly easy to write. The words had just fallen into place, like they had always been there, lying in wait for the moment they would be summoned. Only it was so weird, so unbelievable for Wilhelm, to actually get the chance to voice them. To direct them to somebody who was real, made from flesh and blood, standing right beside him in his purple pants, caught between shy giggles and tearing up. That he, Wilhelm Saunders, should be part of an ensemble, a piece of a puzzle that finally fit - fit into the embrace of someone so perfectly, it didn’t leave any seams. Singing sad songs about love, about heartbreak, ache and longing, was his daily doing. But he had never written a happy love song in his life. This was so unexpected, so special, that he had filed and polished it to perfection. Because it had to be good enough to wrap up his heart and his soul in it, to lay them down at the feet of his beloved. A shy glance darted from his eyes to Simon, who was for his part fighting for composure, but still returned him his unearthly smile. It was the encouragement he needed. So Wilhelm let his breath create the tune and his lips form the words he had written for him, and him alone. 

---

Oh, I'm obsessed
With the way your head is layin' on my chest
How you love the things I hate about myself
That no one knows, but with you, I see hope again

Oh, I'm a mess
When I overthink the little things in my head
You seem to always help me catch my breath
But then I lose it again
When I look at you, that's the end

And why do I get so nervous when I look into your eyes?
Butterflies can't stop me fallin' for you
And darlin', this is more than anything I felt before
You're everything that I want, but I didn't think I'd find
Someone who is worth the wait of all the years of my heartbreak
But I know now I found the one I love

And I love the way
You can never find the right things to say
And you can't sit still an hour in the day
I'm so in love, let's run away because us is enough

And why do I get so nervous when I look into your eyes?
And butterflies can't stop me fallin' for you
And darlin', this is more than anything I felt before
You're everything that I want, but I didn't think I'd find
Someone who is worth the wait of all the years of my heartbreak
But I know now I found the one

Come close, let me be home for anything
Good or bad, I know it's worth it

And darlin', this is more than anything I felt before
You're everything that I want, but I didn't think I'd find
Someone who is worth the wait of all the years of my heartbreak
But I know now I found the one I love.

(Song: Clinton Kane, I guess I’m in love)

Chapter Text

Simon still couldn’t believe he was in London.

LONDON, for fuck’s sake!

He had played in clubs and bars and at festivals, had created himself an audience, had released his second album and it had gone so well. Still he could never have dreamed of standing in front of that crowd in the beautiful theater with its red walls, heavy curtains and the rows of balconies. The cheers and the sway of the audience throughout his show had carried him away, and he had to forcefully slow down his breathing to get into the condition for the next song he wanted to sing. It was a special song. A song he had dedicated to the person who had imprinted himself in his life, who had walked right in and changed his perspective on so many things. A song that was so special for both of them, because it was a portrayal of their journey, the obstacles they’d had to overcome and the growth that lay behind them. It was his first love song he had written for Wilhelm — although it wasn’t even a love song really. But he had sung it for him and he had cried. And they had sung it together over and over again, being a cheesy, silly couple and rejoicing in the mere fact that they were able to do this, to share their passion for music the way they did, to share the memories that were attached to the words, to share the fucking seat in the back of the car on a soft summer night, because it was crowded, and Simon didn’t care about sitting anywhere else anyway, Wilhelm’s hands clasping him tightly as they were singing full throat, his arms the life preserving hold in replacement for the seatbelt, which would keep him safe for all times. Simon breathed in and out, collecting his focus. There was a bit of sadness attached to this show as well, for it had been Wilhelm’s birthday just the day before. And Simon couldn’t be with him, couldn’t be there FOR him, because he was on tour.

Shit, I’m on tour.

∼∼∼∼∼∼∼

Wilhelm had reassured him a hundred times that it was okay. That he was a grown-ass man and could clearly see that Simon’s shows were more important right now than a random birthday, which he hadn’t planned on celebrating anyway. With every year that passed, birthdays seemed to become less interesting. And although it would have been nice to snuggle up with his boyfriend — he was so much more proud of seeing him on stage, living his dream — their dream — and growing as an artist the way he deserved so much. Wilhelm’s friends had still thrown a little party for him, but after everybody had finally left, Wille threw himself onto his couch and made it the highlight of his day to scroll through social media and watch all the snippets and edits of Simon’s latest show. As the night advanced and he was still stuck in video snippets, tweets and pictures, he felt the muscles in his cheeks scream louder and louder because they were tired of his grin, but he couldn’t help it. He just kept staring at the small screen of his phone, autoplay cradling him in, as he kept biting his lip and rubbing his chest, for he could hardly breathe at the display of the pure happiness Simon radiated on stage.

They had talked a lot about this tour. Wilhelm had just closed his last show in Prague where he had rocked down the house and almost caused a police operation, as his fans had gone crazy and tried to storm the venue. It kind of sucked that their schedules were messed up like that, and he was just getting to rest when Simon took off for his own shows. But that’s what they’d had coming when they had committed to an artist’s relationship, and they had to learn to deal with and make the best of it. His boy wasn’t even so far away. Tomorrow he would be on stage in London. Only a two hour flight.

A two hour flight.
It’s really not that far.

Wilhelm let the phone sink down onto his chest. He had a whole day. He could easily get there. Go and see Simon in the big theater, hear his voice live, not through the screen. But would he want him there? It was HIS show after all, and they had agreed on keeping out of each other’s business. It was the foundation of their relationship to not meddle, especially for Wilhelm not to meddle with Simon’s, because, as close as they were as lovers, it still was a pain point in their relationship, that the size of their audiences differed widely with Wilhelm making millions and Simon just hovering on the brink of blowing up. Would his boyfriend get mad if Wilhelm was spotted at his venue? Would he steal his show by showing up? A piercing pain shot up Wilhelm’s hand, as the pathetic remnant of his thumbnail he had been working with his teeth came off, and the hurt skin started to bleed. If they had learned one thing, it was that fans were the best AND worst, and there was absolutely no chance they would not find out about Wilhelm being there if he went, even if he hid himself high up in the gallery. And still — in the early afternoon of the next day, Wilhelm found himself on a plane, comfortably tucked into a big business class seat, and a ridiculously big smile plastered onto his face.

It was a task to sneak into the venue incognito, but Wilhelm managed and found himself a station high up on the balcony with a perfect view and a good distance to the crowd. It was good, Simon hadn’t spotted him, because the last thing he wanted was to make his love nervous. It would be enough if he met him backstage later to give him a hug. But with every song that ran from the cute boy’s lips, Wilhelm felt a nagging yearning rise inside his chest, growing with every line and every move until it reached the point of unbearable. And when Simon pulled up to the mic stand to encourage his fans with a bashful voice to sing along, Wille’s cuteness-absorbing-capacity was overfilled, and a whimper left his lips at the sight of Simon getting ready for his big moment. Wilhelm knew what was coming now. And he suddenly felt like he couldn’t, just couldn’t stay up there with all the distance between them a moment longer, the crazy amounts of air that were filling the space between him and the skin of his lover, who was so gracious, angelic in his blissed-out singing, it tore right through him. With an instant resolve Wilhelm was on his way, flying down the stairs and wriggling along the walls of the venue to get to the backstage. A security man wanted to step into his way, but Wilhelm just pushed him aside. The song was half through already. It was HIS song — THEIR song! And with a clearness he rarely felt with anything in his life, Wilhelm knew that he had to get up there, up onto the stage that was his second home to support the man he loved so much. Because there were no words to express the endless love, the admiration and the heartbreak he felt in equal parts to have him stand there in the headlights, all on his own.

∼∼∼∼∼∼∼

Simon bowed his head and let the cheer of the audience wash over him. He had just finished the fourth song of the night, and the crowd was hot and boiling. For a moment he closed his eyes. There were so many people screaming their butts off at the outro, almost drowning out his thoughts. He came to wonder if they would even be able to hear him starting the next, his voice being hardly capable of drowning out the cheers, microphone and all. A smile stole onto his lips and he pressed his eyelids shut even harder. This was almost too much. It was unbelievable that he should stand there and perform all the pieces that were so close to his heart, that he had put so much work and effort into. And this song of all still being the centerpiece of the show, although it was kinda outdated — a relic of a time where he had felt so lost and confused. The song that had marked a turning point in his career AND his life, when he had become more of the person he was today — more self-conscious, more demanding, more himself.

When Simon opened his eyes again, he was blind. The spotlights were on him from two sides, lighting up the stage so brightly, he couldn’t discern a thing for a moment until his pupils had adjusted and the contours of the theater came back into view. The room had gone quiet and was waiting for him, listening, anticipating. Simon could see the movements of his musicians from the corner of his eye. They were ready, waiting for him to come in and launch the song. He took a deep breath. Not too deep though, for it would be audible through the mic — just like he had learned it. With a huge tug on his heart, he let the words flow.

Forna dagar, flydda år.

Oh, the years had rushed underneath his feet. Just like they had hurried to come to this point, this one special moment in his life where he had needed to let go of the thinking, to stop and stare, stop and FEEL. Because he was no longer alone in his life, and that special someone had changed him. Since then the weeks and months had moved slower, and Simon had learned to cherish them — each and every one — for what they brought and taught him. For all the moments he was allowed to share with the man he loved, and the moments of craving that they had to spend apart. The red carpets they had walked together, and the shows and events each of them had to attend alone, because they were individual people with separate careers after all — but getting on the phone the moment they had closed their doors, stripped off their fancy pants and button-ups and seeking the comfort of each others voice and face — even if just through the phone often enough, because they were scattered across the globe once more, doing their fuck-ass long-distance thing. Still, it was the best Simon could ever imagine. Because the boy he was doing it with was worth it — worth it a million times!

He would definitely call Wilhelm tonight. Simon was so full of emotions right now, he could barely fight down the urge to pull out his phone right there on stage and send him a selfie with that big-ass smile on his face, just to show how far he had come. How down bad happy he was. And how the thoughts of Wilhelm never left his mind, even when there was a crowd to entertain and lyrics to remember. Which didn’t always work out as it should in all the excitement, but his fans didn’t seem to mind and gladly kept filling in the parts he was missing when he was being overwhelmed and struggling to keep his shit together and not burst into happy tears right in front of everybody at one time or another.

Vi har prövats, vi fick slåss.

Oh, how they had fought! Each other in the beginning — and the nagging feeling of belonging later, that just wouldn’t go away, no matter what Simon had tried. Wilhelm had been there, had offered him his love, his devotion — which was ridiculous in itself, because why would a million dollar superstar do this? To him of all people! It hadn’t seemed that serious. It had been a game. It had been fun. Until it hadn’t been anymore, and Simon had panicked, had pushed Wilhelm away, kicked him out of his life because the fear of being crushed under his weight was getting the better of him. But there had been no escape from the devotion of this man, because if Wilhelm was SOMETHING, he was being persistent. And when Simon started to come around, he was still there, ready to bend to his rules, to accept his conditions, and Simon could still not comprehend why. What was about him that rectified such a behavior? From a person like Wille — a kind, warm, clever and creative mind, a beautiful boy with a smile to swallow the moon, and a voice that couldn’t be more soothing when he used it to whisper sweet nothings against his skin. The lips that had said the words ‘I love you’ so many times by now, and still Simon couldn’t believe they were real, directed at HIM, true and genuine.

And all of a sudden, a bitter wave of sadness washed through Simon’s chest, that he was not there. That he had missed Wilhelm’s birthday and left him on his own on his big day because he was on the road, traveling and soundchecking and giving interviews and doing all the cool things he had dreamed of for so long. But HE HAD LEFT HIM ALONE. He was a shitty boyfriend, for real. He didn’t deserve him. And Simon would really have to find a way to make it up to him, because this was not okay. Slowly, his head started to spin. Good he had sung this song so many times that the words kept coming, even though his thoughts were somewhere else. He should really focus, because the audience deserved better. All the people down in the trenches, who were waving and crying and singing along — in his native tongue to make it all worse — and he didn’t even give them a thought, sappy shit that he was. With some effort, Simon pulled himself together and took a deep breath to get into the louder part of the chorus and was happy to find, his voice didn’t fail him. This was something he was scared of the most — that his voice would cave under the strain of touring, of having to sing and talk and put on a show every night for a whole month. He was only human and even though he had gone through plenty of vocal training, it was different in live entertainment, and he was still getting used to it. But for now his vocal chords did what they were meant to do, and Simon had to step back from the microphone at the full volume notes to not give the audience a hearing damage. Strange thing was, as his voice was reaching the familiar highs, the crowd also seemed to grow louder.

Hello, is this a screaming contest?

They weren’t even singing the words anymore but downright screeching, the whole place freaking out like he had never before witnessed. Simon might be content with his talent, but this was a bit much. He knew he was good — but not THIS good.

What’s happening?
Okay, forget it. Focus. Just keep the show going.

And just a second later, his breath left his body. The familiar sensation of Wilhelm’s scent enveloped him even before Simon felt his hands gliding across his waist and fastening around him, holding him like noone could ever, but him. He didn’t even need to turn around. He couldn’t have anyway, even if he’d tried, because the taller man had pulled up so close, wrapped him up in an all consuming embrace — and Simon melted. Suddenly the floor under his feet was gone, there was nothing around him anymore, no sound, no people, no flashing lights — only him and Wilhelm’s firm body, pressing against his back, the soft skin of his cheek brushing against his own. He could even feel the smile that was decorating his boyfriend’s face by the way the muscles around his mouth were tensed in the most beautiful way against his own. Oh how much he loved to kiss these grinning cheeks with the little dimples, loved to see his eyes wrinkle with joy, how the scrunch of his nose made his freckles dance. Simon was delirious and this surely was a fucking dream, and he would soon wake up in a cold hotel room all on his own and rub his eyes.

But not yet. Please. Let me have this a little longer!

Simon was gone so far, his body was leaning full on against Wilhelm’s because he could hardly stand on his feet, mind knocked out by the overwhelming excitement of feeling his man close — so sudden, so unexpected. It wasn’t until his boyfriend gave him a little shake and he heard his melodious voice in his ear, that Simon came back to his senses.

“Come on, sing!”, Wilhelm huffed against his cheek, and a vague recollection assembled in Simon’s brain about who he was and what he was actually here for and what he was expected to do.

Yeah, right. Sing. This is real. This is my show. This is my fucking show!

He didn’t really know where the strength even emerged from, but with a brutal effort Simon opened his mouth. He was relieved to find the words were still there, only to almost choke on them when he felt Wilhelm’s chest vibrate against his back as he set in to sing the lines right next to him. Damn, his voice was so beautiful, Simon almost wanted to stop singing and listen instead. But this was a rare chance — probably the only chance they’d ever have — to perform this song together, live and on stage. So he collected the air that was left in his lungs and joined the duet, although it probably didn’t matter anyway, because the crowd was not even listening to the music at that point, completely lost in screams and melting down at the show they got to witness.

But hey, this is not a show at all. This is my LIFE!
My goddamn fucking life. My dream. My reality. My Wille — on stage with me.

At this realization, Simon couldn’t retain his happiness any longer. Professional artist or not, he was only a glimpse away from bursting with joy, and the laugh that fled his body and escaped through his teeth was freeing, so wild, so raw, so all consuming. There wasn’t an inch left of his body that did not feel Wilhelm, who was still pressing him against his chest, hands softly caressing his stomach through his shirt with the tiniest movement. It was hardly discernible from the view of the onlookers, but Simon could feel the warm hand moving, pushing against his abs ever so lightly but giving all he ever needed to feel when it came to being wanted, cherished and claimed. Because that’s what Wille was doing. He was CLAIMING him, showing the whole world that he was HIS, that they BELONGED together — and the thought alone let a hot shower run along his spine, because if that wasn’t the hottest thing Simon had ever experienced then what was? He couldn’t think anymore — all clever thoughts had fled his brain together with his sadness — and let his head fall back against his boyfriend’s shoulder. It was slightly embarrassing how he found himself full on laughing, unable to comprehend what was even happening. He only knew it was good, like something that had jumped right out of a fever dream, wrapped him up and pulled him under. But Simon was here for it, because if he had to go down in laughs and shrieks, if his heart would thump its last beat against his chest right there on that stage, he couldn’t care less. Because he was with HIM, and the man he loved was holding him like a treasure, and whatever happened from here, Simon knew that he was being kept save by those big hands and the shoulders he was leaning against.

If I die in your arms. Oh, Baby!

Simon had pulled the microphone from the stand, so Wilhelm could perform the last lines of the song, because Simon was utterly and completely unable to. His grin was too big, it didn’t allow his lips to form words anymore and he was more than thankful, his superstar-boyfriend’s balls were big enough to cover for both of them, while Simon was melting into a wet puddle.

When the last chord was done, hell broke lose. Simon didn’t know if he had ever heard a crowd scream this loudly, if the theater they were gathered in had ever felt its walls shaking with cheers. But who was he to complain if he was the first to achieve this? If he was the one going down in history to have caused the plaster coming off the walls in this honorable venue. Or better Wilhelm, for it was for his sake the audience was turning into a hurricane — and for a blink of an eye there was the little stitch again, that was alway there when Simon remembered how much easier it was for Wilhelm to catch the crowd, how thousands of fans followed Simon only to be closer to Wilhelm, how he would have to finish the show on his own, and the comfort of his company would be gone soon. Before he had even finished the thought that was improperly depressing given the moment, Wilhelm squeezed his waist a last time and pulled away. The sudden chill of air that replaced Wille’s firm body hit him like an ice bucket. Without thinking, Simon reached out his hand to keep him close, but Wilhelm was all determined to leave the spotlight to him, so he took to his heels and jumped off the stage, blowing a kiss to the screaming audience. Simon knew that he was doing this just as much to clear the space for Simon as to escape the crowd that had tasted blood and looked like it was ready to storm the stage to get their hands on him. Simon couldn’t do anything but watch him leave, the empty space on the huge stage getting palpable, and his chest clenched. But the radiant smile was still plastered to his face and his heart was thumping against his ribs like it wanted to break free and take off into the night sky. Simon took hold of the microphone stand and dragged it to the side of the stage, happy he had found something to do with his shaking hands. He took a moment to sort out his spot in an effort to calm down, to gather himself and go on with the show, even though his mind was still trying to process what had just happened. When he set his lips to the mic for the follow-up, there was hardly a coherent sentence on his mind.

“Shit, guys!”, was all he could produce, and the cheers of the crowd seemed to agree to his elaborate synopsis of the event.

It was his guitarist who rescued him out of the haze of idiocy by strumming the first chords of the next song, letting him know that it was time to continue. The rest of the show went by in a flash. Simon was always giving his all, no matter how big the venue or how lively the crowd. He had played for a thousand people and played for ten, he didn’t count the people as long as they came to see him. If he shook his ass a little more this night, flexed his muscles a little extra, gave his voice a bit more of vibrato — who could blame him? For Wilhelm was watching from the balcony, and more often than was appropriate maybe, Simon’s glance shot up to meet his, hooking onto the hazel eyes that almost made him forget his lyrics again. He really didn’t mean to blow that kiss right in the middle of the performance, but his straight thinking had left the stage together with the blond man and was now dangling from a random railing somewhere. Wilhelm in the stalls went all wild, cheering and dancing his ass off to the beats that were filling the theater, giving hardcore fangirl-vibes until the very last note.

Simon didn’t want this night to ever end, and at the same time he couldn’t wait to jump Wilhelm in the back of the stage and cover him in kisses. So when they finally collided in the hallway to the changing rooms after the last notes of the show had faded away, there was no holding back, and Simon couldn’t tell if the lips of his boyfriend had ever tasted sweeter, softer, more delicious. He could taste his own sweat Wilhelm’s tongue had gathered from his lips, and his arms felt like they had fastened around his neck forever. When Wilhelm pulled back to nuzzle his nose against Simon’s, eyes half closed the way it made Simon’s knees go weak, he was ready to lie down on the floor right there in the hallway. But then he felt the hand of his drummer on his shoulder, and suddenly he was very aware of all the people who were swirling around them, wanting to hug and celebrate him and pry him from Wilhelm’s grip to get their share of popstar Simon. Wilhelm also noticed and tenderly shoved him away.

“Go party!”, he smiled, but Simon couldn’t let go of his hand.

“I don’t want to”, he whispered and let his fingers trail over Wilhelm’s chest in a teasing manner.

He knew that the boy opposite was half hard in his jeans. He had felt it during their hug and damn, how he wanted to make half things whole. It was a week and a half since they had last had the chance to be intimate, and the craving to get Wille’s marble skin under his hands was more than he could take in his hype. The skin of the singer was sizzling with the aftershocks of the adrenaline and he was so down bad for a release.

“We can skip”, he mumbled against the shell of his ear, but Wilhelm shook his head.

“No way.”

“But yes. Let’s skip the party.”

“Don’t be stupid’”, Wilhelm insisted, but the grin on his face called his good intentions lies.

“Come on, they’re all busy. They won’t even realize we’re gone for a minute.”

Wilhelm cocked his eyebrow.

“A MINUTE? You’re that needy?”

Simon nudged his hand against his chest, but in the depth of his mind he was screaming.

YES! I’m fucking dying to get my hands on you!

∼∼∼∼∼∼∼

Wilhelm let his eyes roam the body of his lover and wondered whether his pupils left hot traces on his bare skin, for he felt like they were burning with fire. He was really trying hard to hold it together, but the fact that Simon hat stripped off his shirt in the last part of the show and was standing right in front of him in all his naked glory didn’t help the cause one little bit. If he didn’t detach himself from him right now, he could no longer be made responsible for his actions. The crew was slowly gathering in the changing room, laughing and hyping each other up a last time, grinning widely in the afterglow of a brilliant show. It would take another hour or two until the adrenaline would tone down and weariness would take the place of excitement. Wilhelm always dreaded the moment when the dopamine puffed out of his system and he could feel his limbs grow heavier by the minute until it seemed almost impossible to drag his feet the last meters to his bed. Bad thing was that his body mostly gave in long before his brain did, because his brain was an annoying fucker and never shut up in plain everyday life — even more it terrorized him after a show, trying to analyze every move, every note, every reaction of the crowd, judging Wilhelm and revising his bloopers or stumbles on the big screen behind his eyelids. So he often enough found himself tossing and turning in the sheets, torn apart between a body that screamed for rest and a mind that was doing the jitterbug. Good thing was that this torturous ritual was clearly contained whenever he found Simon under the duvet by his side. Firstly, because his presence always succeeded in giving him peace and his soft breath managed to calm his own. Secondly, because his admirable boyfriend had his very specific methods of making his brain go quiet, and if Wilhelm was found on the ground in the process, thanking him on his knees — who could blame him?

Right now there was a sass in Simon’s eyes that was hard to endure. Wilhelm could tell he was all pumped up from the events of the night, and there was nothing he wished more than to make this evening truly unforgettable for him. Wille’s teeth bore down into his lower lip as he tried to weigh the risk of stealing the star of the show away for a few more minutes. Of course the team would notice, but honestly — they were making fun of their heart-eyes all the time anyway. And then Wilhelm was still holding a certain authority due to his superstar status, so they were happily teasing them, but nobody would dare to actually call him out on his actions. On a whim he grabbed Simon’s hand and dragged him down the corridor with him.

“Where are we going?”, Simon gasped as he followed suit, hand clenched tightly around Wilhelm’s.

“I don’t know”, he laughed. “But where there’s a Will, there’s a way.”

And there was a lot of Will right now, straining against his pants and whispering to his legs to find a quiet corner QUICK. In the passing, Wilhelm tried the handle of a door, but it was locked. Unlike the next, and with a quick glance along the corridor they hurried inside. The chamber was dark, and it took Wilhelm a while to grabble for the light switch. He was almost ready to give up on the task and get his hands on Simon’s ass in the pitch black dark, for he was positive that he could find his way along his boyfriend’s body blindfolded no matter what, when Simon came to his assistance and a row of gloomy light bulbs flickered on above their heads. They found themselves in a storage room, which was pretty much what Wilhelm had expected. What he hadn’t anticipated, though, was all the glass and glitter that was surrounding them, reflecting the lights and bathing the room in an enchanting, magical glow.

“Wow”, Simon huffed, mouth open and doe-eyes big as he looked about himself.

From the huge gold-rimmed mirrors that were aligned along the wall, a row of amazed Simons stared back. Wilhelm pulled the cover away from one of the tables, and beneath it a chandelier was revealed, made of gilded metal and a million small glass beads. Obviously, they had stumbled into the working room for the storage and repair of the heavy chandeliers, mirrors and other glass work that was all over the theater. The costly items were spread out on tables and benches, half disassembled to be cleaned or repaired. Simon was drawn in by the shiny glass, and Wilhelm smiled, for he knew his partner was attracted by everything sparkling. And as much as Wilhelm loved to watch his cute boyfriend staring at the glitter in awe — their time was ticking away, and they had not come here to change light bulbs. With a decided grip he reached for Simon’s hand and pulled him close, wrapping his other arm around his bare waist and sinking his mouth down on his, all in one smooth move. It felt a bit awkward as he stood there, fully clothed in shirt and coat while his opposite was half naked. But Wilhelm wasn’t one of the complaining kind. Simon let out a little surprised squeak, but promptly melted into the kiss and leaned against Wilhelm’s arm like he expected him to carry his full weight just like that.

“Let’s make this night one to remember”, Wilhelm gasped, and Simon let out a whimper when his lips trailed down his tanned neck and sucked his collarbone, teasing his tongue all over the dark skin.

But suddenly he squirmed, and with a light push shoved him away.

“Don’t. I’m, sweaty all over”, he mumbled, eyes on the floor in an embarrassed way that was completely incomprehensible for Wilhelm.

“Yes you are”, he whispered, pulled him back in and continued his trail of smooches where he had left off.

Simon cringed again under his grip, but Wilhelm would not let go this time.

“It’s disgusting!”, the curly boy wailed without anyone listening.

Wilhelm sank down to his knees and playfully nibbled his sides — the spots where his hands had grabbed the singer’s waist up on that stage — and pried a row of girlish giggles from the ticklish boy.

“It’s yummy”, Wille nuzzled against his stomach. And if the tug in his crotch was anything to go by, he was telling the truth — and nothing but the truth. “All the hard work. I can taste it.”

But Simon was not having his boyfriend being kinky and pulled Wilhelm back up onto his feet. He rubbed his palm against Wille’s bulge, and a moan rang from the blond boy’s lips that made him frown, for it was so much more needy than he had wanted it to sound. His unhinged reaction pulled another giggle from Simon’s chest, and he smiled into the next kiss like the naughty boy he was — his bashful drawback from a minute ago already forgotten. With nimble hands he unbuckled Wilhelm’s belt and pulled his pants down. The hard-on that greeted him was pathetically covered in precum already, but the longing with which it reached out for the curly boy made Wilhelm a little bit proud about its measures. Good thing, Simon didn’t lose time and his hands were on him before Wille could take a breath to ask for it. So he pulled his boy in for another open mouthed kiss, moaning against his lips as Simon started to rub him.

“Damn, Baby. I wanted to make YOU feel good, actually”, Wille whispered against his hairline that was smelling of Simon’s favorite styling products and felt so much like home by now, Wille wanted to drown in the scent. Only his voice was completely lacking the resolution he had planned to convey, and which was melting with every one of Simon’s quick — far too quick — strokes.

“I’m feeling very good, thank you”, Simon smiled. “I’m so pumped up, let me do this! I want to have you!”

Wilhelm’s brain was just scratching together the words to tell Simon that he had done enough for the night, when the curly boy dropped to his knees and swallowed him like he was starving. He probably was, for a stage show was extremely draining — but THIS meal would probably not suffice to fill up his energy levels. Only, the few last words that had managed to enter Wilhelm’s vision were falling apart into their bits under the hot wetness of Simon’s mouth, and the only leftovers he could stammer were ‘good’ and ‘please’ and a bit of incoherent nonsense.

Wilhelm would later blame it on the hurry they were in that he spilled only two minutes later. But the violence with which his legs were shaking at is climax gave Simon enough of a clue that he was really being a success top to toe that night. As a revenge, Wilhelm wouldn’t let his smug grin bloom too long on the boy’s face before he pulled up his own pants and lifted Simon up to place him on one of the tables that provided enough space for a tiny singer with a remarkable ass to sit comfortably. Quickly, Wilhelm peeled Simon out of his stage pants — the big belt being very helpful in the task and almost opened by itself under his hands. It was a shame to strip them down, for the gray fabric looked SO good against his tanned skin. But then it was even more beautiful to discover what was lying beyond. When Simon bent his head back and moaned, Wilhelm cast his eyes up. The sight of his boyfriend losing himself, his rosy cheeks and glowing figure being reflected in all the glass and sparkles around them, made Wilhelm dizzy, and he almost forgot what he was working on. A forceful tug on his hair brought him back from his dream, and he grabbed Simon’s waist with his free hand, because he knew that he loved it when he did that, and made his boy shake under his caress until his hip buckled and his whimper turned into a whine.

When Simon’s shakes softly ceased, Wilhelm stood and pushed his lips onto his soft mouth that had gone a little dry with panting. Simon's coffee-brown eyes looked up at him underneath his red tainted curls as he sat there, almost naked, pants shamelessly dangling around his ankles and lids heavy with exhaustion. With a smile Wille helped to pull his boyfriend’s clothes up and devotedly closed his belt, only to find that the move of getting him society-ready after their hookup made Wille extra giddy in his stomach. For it was him — Wilhelm — the beautiful singer was letting into his pants, and him alone. And he would be damned if he put this trust to risk, failed him in being the best lover he could be, because that was what Simon deserved and not an ounce less. With a tug Wilhelm pulled him to his chest, palms roaming the boy’s heated back as he softly rubbed his nose against Simon’s. They needed to get back to the team, toast the show and say their thank-yous to everybody. And they would, like the good boys they were. But nothing could keep Wilhelm from stealing one last moment to hold him tight. One more private moment in a sea of sparkling crystal that would linger only between the two of them — and hopefully stick in their minds forever.

“I fucking love you!”, Wille whispered against his lips. “Damn, I love you!”