Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I never believed that one day, I will be standing there. Empty and unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Once a fierce soul which never seemed to dim the light somehow burned out. No passion, no desire or need. 

I just existed, witnessing the time go by, day by day, month by month, year by year. Just a distant witness of the life lived by those who dared to experience it. 

Maybe if the time was right, maybe if the world would not be so cruel, maybe if the people would be kinder. Always some kind of maybe lingered in my mind. Maybe then I would be there with them, living the life that was meant to be lived by me. 

Yet there I was, sitting on the edge of a cliff, where our temple was located. The morning ceremony was over and till lunch I was supposed to be scrubbing the floors in the south part of the temple. The right word is supposed. There was no force strong enough in this world to force me back there.

The high priestess ment it well, I'm sure of it, after all she believed that trauma should be faced and not avoided. It's easier for her to say when it's not her facing it. 

Instead of doing my duty, I ran to hide in my favorite hiding place till the lunch ceremonies began. It was a rather shit place to hide, everyone knew about it and if any of the high priestesses would desire to confront me about neglecting my duties, they could simply cross the main clearing in front of the entrance gates and come to this cliff, where evening service was held during autumn. 

Starting far into the world, witnesses the day go and let the gloom eat my will to live away. So far it worked wonders, as the gloom scared even the worst of memories away. It worked way better than scrubbing the floors with mind bored to death so much that it welcomed the dark memories with open arms just to distract itself. 

"This can't go on Kaela," the voice of the high priestess who had my group under her wings echoed through the afternoon air, which was getting chillier.

I kept my silence, not even raising my eyes to look at her, there was no reason to do so. She will give me lectures about facing my fears, breaking them, showing them that I'm stronger than them. That what didn't kill me surely made me stronger. 

That statement was wrong in so many places. 

How I wish it did killed me. Spared me of living in the aftermath of all of that. Constant pain, fear and resignation. Living long enough to see the shell of the person I used to be. 

No, it might not kill me, but it made me weaker, not stronger. 

Hence the silence which became so familiar to me, that I didn't even remember how my own voice sounds. Since that cursed night, not a sound came out of me. 

"You are fading away my girl, I can't bear to simply watch as you let those barbaric monsters win in the end," her voice was coloured with concern, as anyone else who was cursed to watch over me. 

I would prefer to just be left alone to be lost freely. Let the pain and negative feelings consume me completely, sparing me in the end from this endless cycle of living as a survivor.

'What of it, if they win, it will be my win as well.' 

I thought bitterly and my fingers started to pick on the dead skin on my thumb. 

"Our High Lord is back and he prepared a safe place for girls like you," her voice was now way more careful, gentler than before, as if this fact could break me. 

What was left there to be broken?

I didn't look at her, nor acknowledged that I heard her. It was not my choice to be made after all. If she thought it was the right thing to do, then I will be sending there as it's her who has me in her care. 

The sting in my heart was even worse as I looked in front of me at the beautiful view in front of me that I will soon be robbed of. Even the last bits of normalcy will be taken away from me. 

"This is Morrigan, she will accompany you on your way there, you are leaving now," the high priestess suddenly sounded determined, stating her final command towards me. "It's for your own good my girl." 

As if. It's likely she grew sick of having my sulking presence bring gloom to her temple. My temple. Neglecting my duties and showing up only at the services and ceremonies. It was lasting way too long for her to tolerate, that's for sure. 

It was long even for me. 

"Hello there Kaela, I'm Morrigan," the unknown voice said from behind me, but I was unable to turn and look at her. 

The need to savor as much of my view as possible was keeping me way too busy. 

"We can depart as soon as you are ready," she added with a light, easy voice, forcing me to sigh. 

What's the point in waiting? What's the point in savoring the last bits of the view when it won't solve anything? It will be better to just keep going and have this over with, so I can get some time alone and keep my brooding game high enough to keep the demons on bait. 

I stood up, turning around to face the two females who were awkwardly standing there, looking at me. It should be me who is awkward, not them, but I was way too tired to even care to feel embarrassed by the lack of will to live. 

Morrigan was beautiful, dressed in crimson red pants and blouse, her golden blonde hair looking perfectly combed and well cared for. The aura around her was welcoming and warm. No danger coming from her at all. 

"We can go then?" She asked, extending her long, lean arm into the air, her nail painted by the same shade of red as her clothes. Probably her favorite color then? 

I just walked towards her, not accepting her hand, simply there was not enough strength in me to even lift my arm, and I stopped beside her, ready for her to swoosh me away. I'm sure she can winnow, because if she were to climb all those stairs to reach our temple, she wouldn't look this perfectly put together. 

Morrigan just smiled, not discouraged at all by my attitude and she took my hand with surprisingly gentle touch and with a swift swoosh, we left my temple, my home, my battlefield and my grave.

Chapter Text

"This is a library, nobody without agreement from the high priestess which leads this place cannot enter. You are completely safe there," the blond female who picked me up at my temple kept talking and talking, my mind almost started to spin with the amount of words she managed to say In one minute. That was impressive.

"All the priestesses who live there have as difficult past as you do, some survived the attacks and for them, this place was created. A place to feel safe and be able to heal peacefully in the company of those who understand how difficult battle it is," this part of her rambling campaign was at least somehow interesting. 

So there were other attacks? Other survivors? How come this never reached my ears? How much was lost? 

"You will have your room up the stairs, shortly I will show you, but before that, let's look around, let me show you other priestess you will be meeting?" She offered, but those words almost caused me a heart attack. 

I stopped dead in my tracks and my breath became more difficult. Meeting other survivors? Now? Out of the blue? No time for me to prepare? Was this female crazy? 

"Alright, later then," she at least quickly noticed my despair and began to walk again, this time to the direction of my supposed room. 

"There, you can choose to work, shorting the books out, helping the trusted visitors to find their desired books, whatever you feel like doing or you can choose to keep to yourself now, explore around and just feel the new surroundings out," she informed me, forcing another painful sting into my heart.

So this is not out of the good of their hearts. I'm supposed to work my stay there? Even if I can now sulk freely, later, will I be expected to work there? 

It sounded firstly as a some kind of hospital facility, with the new kind of experimental treatment, as building a place for broken souls inside an ancient library. Let the broken ones mingle and share their experiences, finding strength in all that gruesome things we survived and other shit like that. 

But after all it was a convenient way, how to keep the library staffed? Were they short on employees here so they thought maybe bringing a bunch of traumatized girls who will work there in exchange for sanctuary was a good idea? 

Oh I want to go away already.

"Outside these large doors you will find yourself in Velaris, a city where you will be just as safe as there, up the stairs, you will find the House of Winds, but climbing all those stairs would not be a comfortable experience at all, let me tell you. All the way down there, it's a place where you should never venture. Tales have it, that under the library lives a spirit which protects it, better to leave the ancient spirits sleep and don't wake them up just by mere curiosity," Morrigan gave me an important look, walking up the stairs as if it was nothing but a mere morning stroll around the temple. 

I, on the other hand, was catching my breath with despair. Physical activities were something I don't engage in anymore. Especially after my right hip was so badly twisted, that I developed a slight, but notable limb. It limited the rage of my movements and doing anything physically demanding was a painful experience. So she can be sure that I wouldn't go anywhere, where those cursed stairs lead.

As we stopped in front of a door, the third one on the hallway which was dark, but nicely furnished with plants and paintings on the walls, she turned back to me and gave me a warm, reassuring smile.

"I know it's difficult, the things you survived, they took a piece of your soul with you, believe me when I'm speaking from experience. They all expect you to go back to the old days, old self as if nothing happened. They think that if they give you time to heal, you will be the same old self all over again, new and shiny. What they don't realize is that there is no coming back to pieces of us which are long time dead, lost forever. You just need to get to know this new you which was born from the burning, pick the pieces from the ash which remained and put a new person together. There is no pressure, no time limit, no expectation. The only person who knows how to make it through is you, nobody else, so if endlessly brooding and sulking is the way how to reach the next day alive and breathing so be it," she patted my shoulder and opened the door, before she left, almost dancing down the hallway with the grace of skilled dancer. 

Her words ringed inside my mind. Heavy and loud. Truthful. Yet unwelcome. I wanted to suffer, to feel the pain of things which happened and let them break me, kill me even. Just like my sisters were killed back then, right in front of my own eyes. They were used as toys before and after death, the monsters didn't care if they were breathing or not. 

How come they killed all of them, slit their throats, slaughtered them as pigs but let me live? All of them died, spared of the horrors which happened to them, not needing to face the truth of the action taken against us. Yet they let me alive, broken, bloodied, but alive, living to tell the story. 

But I did not. I couldn't. I couldn't share the stories of witnessing my sisters being abused and then killed. Could not describe to them the feelings of being thrown on the same floor I was supposed to be scrubbing today, covered in their blood and their bodies. How I wished to just die and be over with it, get away from the physical and mental pain. 

When the soldier, who just emptied himself into me, when he reached for the digger to slit my throat like they did to my sisters, I was happy for the hell to be over. Yet the commander, he commanded the monster who forced himself on me, to leave me alive, saying that it will be worse than being killed.

And he was right, of course he was. 

So how can there, in those ashes which Morrigan so beautifully described, be any of the old me left? The flame was way too strong to leave anything behind. There was nothing for me to pick up, nothing to put back together. 

The room was simple but nice. Table with comfortable looking chair, closet, big bed which looked like it will be comfortable as well. Carpets were spread across the floor to keep the coldness from the stone floor away, there were plants and shelves with books, some paintings hanging on the wall. 

Welcoming room, empty of any memories, fresh and clean from any past staining it. The warm colors which dominated it were nice and gave the whole room a cozy touch. 

It was more than I deserved, more than I was worth. My sisters were reduced into ash, burned and their ashes were spread from my cliff, letting them join the universe once again, a place where they belonged now. 

I should be out there with them. Not there, in this safe, comfortable and warm room.

Chapter Text

I was not able to sleep, the room, the comfort of it, it was eating me alive. Back in the temple, there were at least the memories which kept my guilt alive, but in this new one, only facing my demons remained and that was too much. 

Once my eyes closed, the memories poured into my mind, the feeling of foreign hands violating my body, the pain, the shame. The cry of my sisters in despair, mirroring my own. The completely useless attempts to free myself from the painful hold and go help them, comfort them. I could feel the blood dripping down my thighs as if it was happening right in this exact moment as I closed my eyes. 

The need of keeping my mind busy was way too strong to keep me inside the safety of my new room. I needed to stimulate my mind, keep it busy, away from the grasps of the past. 

So I ventured out, not looking back as I practically ran away from the hallway. Maybe finding a good book will help me? The ones in that cursed room were all some one crown shit excused of books, it will do more damage than it would fix. 

The library was silent, empty and spacious. Three good qualities I still could appreciate. There were floors full of books, shelves tall and wide will surely hold at least one good book for me to read right? Something complicated, something I don't understand, that will squeeze my brain into focusing on something else than the demons looming inside my head. 

I ended up on the third floor of the library, where booths were made to hide and read, surrounded by tall shelves full of books. That was rather convenient and hiding there, maybe I would never need to go back to my room and face what was waiting for me there. 

Yet my confidence was wearing off as I heard steps approaching the place I was at. Such a large space and the intruder must choose to walk my way. Perfect. 

I picked the first book which was on my reach and with a thundering heart practically jumped into the nearest booth, hoping to avoid whoever it was, who was walking out there. 

When I looked at the book in my hands, a very unpleasant expression formed on my face. It was another one crow smutty novel. My luck really. 

"I will assume that you are not a fan of this genre of books then?" Unfamiliar voice echoed from the space in front of me in my booth. Horror ran down my spine at realization it was a male voice. 

I raised my eyes at the stranger and fought the urge to cry. I really was alone in an almost empty library with a stranger who was just sitting there, right in front of me. Was fate truly so cruel? 

"Hey there, no need to be alarmed, I'm hiding there from the exact same reason you are," he raised his hands into the air, displaying he was not a threat. Yet explain that to my brain, which already decided he was a danger. 

And why was I so afraid of it? Didn't I want to die anyway? Why be scared of this male, when he could be sent there to finally fulfill my wishes? Why was my heart beating so strongly and my mind wished for me to dash and run to save my life? What the hell was wrong with me? 

"You must be the new priestess Mor brought today? Kaela right?" He said with a gentle, soft voice, his whole body displaying that he was not a threat, yet my breathing was still difficult and ease didn't come to me at all. 

I just sat there, with the stupid novel in my hands, breathing hard, refusing to blink to not lose track of the situation at all, even when my tears threatened to spill over. But I was unable to do anything. 

"Shall I go? Will you feel better alone?" The deep voice asked again, probably waiting for a reply, but he wouldn't get one from me. 

"Those booths are good place to hide from the restless nights, I normally take this one, but if you feel like hiding in this one, I will find another, so you wouldn't have to be afraid from going there, this one will be free from now, just breathe there," his voice now sounded concerned and I realized that at some point the heavy breathing stopped and was replaced with inability to breath at all.

What was he doing here? Was this not a place for ones like me? Was he one like me? 

I quickly stood up and grabbed that stupid book, pressing it to my chest as if it could be a shield protecting me from any harm. 

I shook my head at the stranger and wanted to go. Leave him alone in his booth where he was running from a similar situation as I was. He said it himself didn't he? I would be annoyed and flustered to have someone jump into my booth and then be dead frightened from me. 

"Calm down, I don't mind sharing this booth with you Kaela darling, it's your comfort I'm concerned with," he waved elegantly his hand, a soft smile landing on his face. 

I finally got time to look at him. He was a rather handsome, very attractive male. His presence radiated power, yet it seemed dulled in this moment. His dark, black hair was framing masculine features of his face, which were crowned with the most unusual pair of eyes I ever saw. 

Looking into them for the first time, it was bewitching. They were like violet galaxies trapped inside two orbs shining with the light of stars above us. Soul stealing eyes, that's what they were. 

He seemed slightly surprised as our eyes met, widening slightly. He probably didn't expect me to have the courage to look at him. Well I didn't either. 

The hand he was waving with fell into his lap, his mouth slightly open in surprise or horror? Did he just now notice the nasty scar framing the left side of my face? From my forehead down my eye, cheek and all the way down to my cleavage. It healed, but left a silver thread marking my skin in reminder that will last eternity. 

"I shall go, please feel at ease here, there is no power strong enough to cause any harm to you. You are safe here and if you will feel in need of a reading company, just search for me in the booth next to this one. I spent my nights there and most of my free time during the day," he gave me a warm smile and then disappeared into the thin air, winnowing away. 

Well that much about searching for a distraction from my own little misery. 

I fell back down into the booth and started opening the offending book in front of me. There was no chance that I could go out and search for another book. If there will be any other surprises like this one, my heart won't survive this. 

The book was written in a simple and easy voice. Tone was light and optimistic, forcing my stomach to feel acid coming up. How can anyone willingly read such optimistic nonsense? There won't be any hero coming to save the day, that's just a trope for naive readers. A cruel way to laugh into my face. I used to be like those girls in these books, once I even believed in a fair world with heroes and love. Into kindness and compassion being spread for free just out of the goodness of the heart.

Then reality check came and I fell from those rosy clouds right back into the mud this world is truly covered with. 

<>

I must have fallen asleep there, because the next thing I remember is how a tray with food landed in front of me, waking me up. 

"Good morning," Mor greeted me with the bright smile of hers. "Early bird?"

As if. More likely a night owl. 

"I know that you don't speak, but I believe you can try to shake your head?" She raised her nicely kept eyebrow and pushed the tray with food in front of me. 

I was not hungry. No longer my stomach even dared to ask for food. Normally a high priestess would force me to eat, so I believe she told this female about the need for surveillance? That's why she was back again? Anyway, I decided to ignore her comment about giving her reaction.

"Just dig in, I believe it will do you good to eat something with proper taste, not like the temple food doesn't have taste, but this is just not bland like that one is," she grinned, pointing towards the tray, where generous about of food was displayed, still warm, waiting for me to go through them.

Well she was not wrong. The temple food was shit. There was no denying this simple fact. And this food did smell nice, but my stomach cramped just by the mere thought of eating. 

"Do you feel like exploring the library more today? Or do you feel brave enough to go explore the city? I can take you into the best shops out there, so you will be able to buy nice clothes?" Morrigan kept talking and talking, eying me with careful attention, probably watching if I will eat and to which I will make agreeable face expressions. None of the mentioned happened. 

"I would not let you leave the table without easing at least something," she almost begged, her warm, dark brown eyes, same as mine, held such a despair over my untouched tray, that it almost broke my heart. 

I stood up, picking a small piece of sliced carrot and walked away. I was not in the mood for company and especially after yesterday's encounter with the stranger, there was no social battery left to be spent. 

Exploring the library was not that bad of an idea, but it will be better to do so alone. In peace and quiet, without anyone talking a hole into my head. 

She didn't follow me, which was greatly appreciated, and with slow but steady steps, I made my way through the open space of the third floor, aiming for higher levels to explore. If this library was anything like the one in my temple, then the best books will be stored in the upper floors. Most people didn't go up the stairs, keeping to the lower floors, so the most precious, most valuable books were placed high above the normally visited areas in hope to minimize the exposure of them to the touch and light. So if any luck will be by my side, then I can exchange this ridiculous book with something proper for intense reading. 

As I climbed the stairs with despair, the wish for the good books being stored down below the library was growing in intensity. My thighs were burning and in the middle of climbing the second floor, they gave up and I ended up sitting on the stairs, cursing in my mind very loudly. 

Will I be stuck with this stupid book? I need to change the subject or I will die from facing my mind. 

Then there, right on my lap, landed a book. Out of the blue, just like that. It was a good book, dealing with mathematics and science, a very promising read to keep my mind busy. 

On top of this book landed another, this time more specific one. It was a book about using one's magical powers to the best of their abilities. Back before the cursed evening happened, I was a promising candidate to one day become a successful charmer. My power used ancient wisdom, from times before courts were established. It was the reason I joined the temple in the first place. The library there had the best sources of ancient magic. 

Now this subject became stained with blood and death. For the talent I pursued, I needed to face what I faced. It was a price that was way too high and securely pushed me away from the craft. 

I was looking at the book, wishing to be able to stir the fire inside me again. To be able to live at least for the craft that cost me so much. No matter the force with which I wished for it, there was no change in me, no will to live, no will to even move from my place on the stairs.

Chapter Text

Another three nights I refused to return to my room to sleep there. The only thing I did was to wash myself, change my clothes and then go back into the open space of the library. 

It was a nightmare to try and get away from Morrigan, who seemed to set accompanying me as her personal goal. No other priestess I saw there was not assaulted by her bubbly personality, not forced to listen to endless talks about anything that crossed her mind. She just always seemed to know where I'm. No matter where I hide, she will pop up and start to speak about another wonderful thing that happened, probably hoping that hearing about positive things would cheer me up. 

She came armed with an array of snacks, which she pushed into my pockets of the dress that were packed for me from the temple. Not a priestess uniform, no, just normal dresses, if the gesture said anything, then it was that I was no longer considered as a priestess in waiting or part of the temple. 

It was a smart way how to get rid of me, I will let the high priestess have that. 

I managed to climb to the eighth floor, where I noticed a familiar person sitting by one of the tables, his brows frown over a pile of papers, cold looking tea in front of him. 

After these three days of running away from Morrigan's bright aura, this was a nice change. It felt like her own mood. 

Perhaps it was just that what made me sit down on the opposite side of the table and open the book about mathematics, taking out my notes where I made the calculations which were written inside the book. 

He seemed to notice after a little while and as he raised his violet eyes, they gained a little bit of life back and soon were covered in amusement when he noticed what I was reading.

"I see you managed to find a proper challenge after all," he said with that deep, warm voice, resting his back on the plush sofa, forgetting about the papers in front of him. 

I simply nodded and went to solve another ridiculously difficult mathematical problem, which seemed to be endless, but was soon interrupted by the male's voice again.

"This can last anywhere from a few days to few weeks, depends how quickly you will get the hang of it, then I would recommend astronomy as the next subject to entertain your mind with," the way he eyes my book was the one of recognition, it might have been source of distraction even for him. 

Let's hope that it will last me weeks then. 

"How is your stay here so far? Mor said you didn't choose to interact with anyone yet," his violet eyes traveled from my book to my face, where our eyes met and I felt the strange sensation nestled around my heart all over again. 

I struggled with my shoulders in reply and rolled my eyes.

'Technically I'm interacting with you.'

I thought and went back to solving the mathematics problem written over three papers already and I was not even in the middle of it.

"You know, there is this fine paper and pencil in that hand of yours, if you would want to send me or Mor into specific places for annoying you, you can simply write that down and push the paper to us," he concluded, watching the notebook I was holding with my hand as if it was a lifeline.

I raised my eyebrows at his suggestion and thought for a solid moment to simply send him to hell and walk away. Who was he to think I even want to talk with him? Or to Mor? What does he think, that he is so special that I will break my silence and communicate with him? 

He watched me with amusement all over his handsome face, a smirk on his full lips. That irritated me greatly. I'm not a source of entertainment for anyone, especially not for this cocky prick. 

"Pardon me Kaela darling, for the forward thinking, seeing you roll those pretty eyes and move your above all graceful shoulders to communicate with me, it made me believe that I shall stand the chance in being granted the honor of your mind," he mused, enjoying each word he said. 

I was not sure what to do now. His gaze was intense even if he masked it with amusement. His words were a clever wordplay, which left me watching him with raised eyebrows, giving him another reaction without wishing to give him some. 

Honor to my mind my ass. If he could see what was happening there, he would be glad to not be graced by it. 

"Anyway, that being said, I'm happy you accepted the offer to join me," he kept talking, reminding me now of Morrigan, who always found reason to open that big mouth of hers. 

This time I schooled my face into a mask of indifference. Even though my mind wondered about the ridiculous meaning of his question. 

His offer was to join him in one of the booths on the third floor, this was eight floor. Clearly not relevant at all to his offer. Thinking about it, why was he there and not on the third floor anyway? Avoiding any unwanted interruptions? Probably and that was something I could respect. 

"I heard that you used to be an active person before these things happened to you? That made me think that maybe you can be interested in joining this little group me and my brothers are forming. We will train the priestesses in self defense, so they don't feel vulnerable. It will be held each morning on top of this library, in the House of Winds," he informed me, forcing quite a reaction out of me. 

My breath hitched in my throat as a large intake of air was needed. What did he say? Group activities? Physical activities? With him and his brothers? Males? Can he be more ridiculous? 

"I can promise you that it will be safe and Mor will be there as well, supervising the whole training if that makes you feel better?" His voice sounded hopeful, those bewitching eyes holding excitement for the possibility for me to agree. 

How can I tell this male, that I can't do much moving around? Me joining this ridiculous group will only end in disappointment for all parties involved. 

I stood up, sighing heavily and I started to walk a few times back and forth, showing this male that I indeed have very much real limp and sometimes moving made me flinch when something in my hip squeezed some nerve, sending pinching, stinging pain through the area. 

"First, that is not a problem, second, I will send a healer to you to check on you, maybe she will be able to relieve you from the pain?" He offered another kind gesture, not looking like he minded it at all, leaving me stare at him with disbelief.

Why was he so kind to me? There was no need for him to be patient with me, understanding and now even offering me this kind of help. What was his motive in this? I had nothing to give for such help. 

"Don't look so stunned, I know I'm a pleasure to look at," he cocked and the grin on his lips only grew larger, forcing me to close my eyes in annoyance at his confidence and pinch the bridge of my nose to breath this out. 

Changing the topic would be the best choice now, so I chose the obvious and pointed to the pile of papers in front of him, raising my eyebrows in question. 

"Those deals with the training plans for the group we are forming, I need to make sure that both my brothers will have free mornings and don't need to attend any duties at the time of training, so far it looks like five in the morning will be the only compromise we will be able to reach," he went easily on, talking about what he was working on. 

His dedication to the thing was charming and the fact that they are willing to wake up so early before a day full of duties just to train a bunch of depressed priestesses, it was admirable. I wish I could have the same determination as him. He mentioned that there was a dark past behind him as well, saying he was in the library for the same reason she was. If he could overcome his own traumas and get passionate about new things, then it can be used as inspiration for us, who still struggle. 

I don't know if it was so clearly written over my face, but his next words were said with a gentle voice, clouded by the reminding demons of his own suffering.

"It never goes away. It lingers inside you and it is trying to eat you alive. There are two types of people when it comes to handling our demons. There are the ones, who let the past break them, reduce them into the shell of a person they used to be, they let the past consume them and eventually take them over the point of return. Then there are the ones, who feel through the pain, acknowledge it and then take reign over the ever looming demons, bonding them onto tight leash. You need to learn how to handle those demons, Kaela darling, and perhaps, having some physical activity where you will be able to ventilate the pain out of your system, it could help you," he kept his eyes glued onto mine, a strange vulnerability freely displayed there. 

I was unable to keep my eyes away from his. His words burned deep inside my brain. I never was the one to give up. So what happened to me to became the first kind of person he mentioned? I used to be the second kind of person, fighting and keeping my fear on a tight leash to never take the wheel of my life. 

Yet here I was. Resigned and unable to even fucking wish to see the next day. And damn I was completely alright with that. It was all alright, the pain, the resignation. I was alright. 

Till he let the mask drop and instead of a confident, cocky male there is suddenly someone so similar to myself. What happened to him? How long did it last? How did he overcome it? Or how did he find the strength to fight to keep going? Was he responsible for other's deaths as well? Was he feeling the responsibility for all that happened? Would he understand? 

My mouth opened and closed, almost willing to speak, to ask for guidance, for any kind of advice from this soul, which seemed as broken in those open eyes as my own was. 

Instead of speaking, I was frozen, staring at him as if the mere presence of his existence lit up my world suddenly, giving it some hope. Hope that I might one day find the strength and courage to put on a mask just as he did and go on with my life. 

No more witnessing it from far away, safe distance, no, his presence was shining with promise that I can live and breathe without feeling suffocating. 

"There you are! Sneaky little thing, isn't she?" Mor sat down, joining our table, bringing me back to present time, waking me from the sudden feeling of glims of clarity. 

The vulnerability in his face was gone right the second she showed up, putting back his mask and suddenly I understood him. He was a survivor, just like I was, hiding there in hope of solitude, safety and understanding. Hoping for some rare moments of not being chased by the demons of the past. 

I blinked my own astonishment away, not displaying for the blonde female any false hopes of my improvement. Then she would wish for me to speak with her and that would be just another round of torture. I was sure of that. The thought of speaking was forcing acid from my stomach up.

"We will see how sneaky she can get in the first morning training of the priestesses," he flashed a flawless smile and it took a lot of my concentration to not chuckle. 

He was witty. Just a slight sign of change of heart towards the situation and he immediately took it, not wasting even a second there. 

"Don't you say that she agreed!" She squirted with excitement and then turned to me and in the same high pitched voice exclaimed once again. "You agreed?" 

I agreed? 

The same question popped inside my mind and I swear that the handsome male chuckled as if he heard it. 

"Oh I'm so proud of you!" She hit the table a few times, her bright smile was so sincere, that my heart almost broke from it. 

My own smiles used to be this way. Bright and carefree. Freely given to anyone just to light up their day. These days my smile is nowhere to be seen.

"I'm taking her under my wings there," he added as if it was the most natural thing, winking at me. 

"Why I am not surprised," she laughed and clapped with her hands. "It's in three days, you should practice climbing those stairs to build some stamina," she said with a mischievous smile, but there was a hint of sincerity in her advice. 

Well she noticed a few of my many unsuccessful attempts to climb the stairs in search of good books. She was always watching, as a hawk, keeping track of my movements and where I stayed. As if left unsupervised, I might throw myself off the upper floors down into the black pit to spare myself another day of her bitching about everything unimportant. 

I rolled my eyes at her words and collected my book, wishing for some space to think how badly this day turned out and come to terms that I find myself signed up to some training program of self defense. What a mess. 

"It was a pleasure to be in your company again Kaela darling," the male offered me another warm smile, the one he seemed to be giving to me so naturally and freely. The smile that reached his beautiful eyes. Smile which forced will into my mind to face another dance with my demons, knowing he will dance with his own and both of us will come back victorious, having another one sided conversation, but enjoying it anyway. 

So I offered him the slightest of smiles, as a thank you for the patience, for the willingness to help, the bravery of sharing his own unmasked suffering, the fact he was there and was winning his own fights, proving to me that maybe someday indeed I might win my own. 

The smile seemed to please him, because that warm embrace of his presence seemed to intensify, filling the space around us with strangely comforting darkness that lingered around me all the way back to my own battlefield, my room and didn't leave.

Chapter Text

I did as Mor advised. Climbing the stairs and building my stamina. It was nothing comfortable or easy. Such an easy enemy to defeat, mere stairs, yet there proved to be quite an opponent. 

Not only the fact I indeed didn't have any stamina but my cursed hip kept making problems. After a few stairs it started to ache and it didn't go away as the time progressed. Not at all, it only increased with each climbed step. 

But I kept going. I saw the handsome male's eyes in front of me and that kept pushing me up and up. He was strong enough to hide his pain, his despair from all of the world with such an ease. Once Mor came to join us, he slipped the carefully crafted mask back into its place, like it was his second nature. 

If he can muster enough strength to seem completely alright, then I can climb some damn stairs. 

And so I climbed. Sweaty, without breath but I indeed felt a light drop of proudness when in the evening I climbed to nineteenth floor, the highest floor I visited so far. 

I leaned against the railing, admiring the library from the high floor. It was a breathtaking place, almost as majestic as the view from my cliff. Well, not mine anymore, but this was a solid replacement if there was any. 

"Thinking of jumping after all? Maybe to avoid the training tomorrow?" Now familiar voice sounded behind me and I needed to bite my lips from smiling. 

I did this to be prepared for the training. For two days I climbed those stairs, in the tempo of sloth maybe, but in the end I reached my personal record and impressed even myself. 

"Did all this climbing by yourself? In your state it takes quite a mind to do so," he kept talking and his voice was coming closer, reaching me by the railing, leaning forward as well. 

"Mor must be out of herself with happiness that you took her advice to your heart and acted upon it," he mused, clearly finding himself in a good mood today. Or it was another well crafted mask. 

Indeed she shined with excitement and happiness every time she came to check on me, finding me stubbornly climbing those stairs. And that made me feel more motivated. First, she was helping me willingly from the first day, being there for me the whole time, so giving her feelings of accomplishment was the least thing I could do. Well and second, it kept her mouth shut and left me to my torment in peace. 

"Are you excited for your first lesson tomorrow?" He turned to look at me, his eyes looking carefully at my face, searching for my response. It was nice to know he learned to find my answers in my facial expressions and not expected words. 

I rolled my eyes at him and went back to admiring the view in front of me. 

"I will take it as yes," his voice continued to be light, almost teasing. "You will feel those stairs in your legs tomorrow, I would recommend a long warm bath, it can relax the muscles well." 

This made me smile with my eyes. He threw another free piece of advice at me just to make my suffering tomorrow more manageable. It was really kind of him and frankly said, I enjoyed the light, teasing manners he chose to approach me today.

"Smile suits you Kaela," he almost whispered this compliment and I could feel his eyes on me, aware he might notice the stupid blush which raised towards my cheeks. "It lights up the space around you. That smile shouldn't be hidden from the world, that's a crime." 

I was unable to keep my smile to myself, at this cheeky compliment, it just bursted alive on its account, almost eager for him to see it. It was easy to relax around him. No matter, I didn't know his name, didn't know him at all in fact. It doesn't matter, because his presence was just a soothing, comforting blanket that kept all the bad feelings away from me when he was around. 

"I was wrong, it doesn't light the space around you, it lights up the whole world with its beauty," the smile on his full lips turned into a lazy smirk and I hid my face with the back of my hand to not burst into laughter. 

This was simply the cheekiest thing anyone said to me. 

"I think I will add to your training tomorrow even some laughter practice, its ought to do you good, ought to do the whole world good if you will grace it with that light of yours," he winked and the blush refused to leave my cheeks, just like he refused to drop the compliments. 

I wanted to speak to him, the first time since the cursed events I wished to speak, to talk with him. I wanted to bite back with in strength same witty remark, force him to wear a blush on his handsome face as well, so I won't be the only one of us who did. 

Maybe I wanted to compliment his beautiful eyes, the way they speak so loudly. Or the fact how comforting of company he is. How at ease he keeps me. That being near him forces my soul to wish for a life again, forcing will into living. 

Yet I didn't come out. Even when I took a breath and wanted to speak, it didn't work. Now it left me puzzled. Did I really lose the ability to speak? Or did I just forget? Or was there something inside me that still prevented me from speaking? 

"I believe you would use some help to get back into your room, if you think climbing them up was torture, imagine how much worse it will be climbing them down with sore muscles?" He offered me his arm, a strong and steady arm with beautiful hands of artist.

I thought about it for a moment. What was the harm in accepting his help? If it would spare me from the pain climbing them down? I will need every bit of strength inside me tomorrow, it will be best if I will store as much of it as possible. 

So with a deep breath, I steadied my mind and with a slightly trembling hand I accepted his extended arm, facing another fear being accompanied by his soothing presence. I didn't let any other male touch me after what happened, not even healer in the temple. 

Yet his touch was a source of comfort, or trust. I was completely sure that with him I was safe. Nothing would happen if I let him feel my skin. 

And nothing happened indeed, just a large, pleased smile showed up at his face, lighting it up with happiness and warmth. He placed his other hand over mine and with a gentle, soft swoosh of night whispers, we were scooped away from the place we stood and landed softly in front of my room. 

"Don't worry about tomorrow, it will be alright, I will show up to pick you up in the morning and get you upstairs?" The smile was still on him, greatly addictive and with the promise of his company tomorrow, I felt truly at ease.

I nodded and gave him a full, honest smile, which may lack in its strength of former glory, but it was a very much honest smile that I managed to muster after a very long time. It was the second time I parted with this male with a smile on my lips and excitement for tomorrow.

Chapter Text

He was right. My muscles ached as hell, but the warm bath seemed to deal with the biggest part of the overused muscles, leaving only echo of the former pain. 

Raising from my sleep was nothing difficult, since I became a light sleeper. Once the timer on the candle clicked, it woke me up immediately. It used to be difficult to wake up, sleep always claiming me with such force, but that was long past.

I was not sure what to wear, what to do with my hair. I had only dresses there and those were not that covering like those of the priestesses' robes. The dresses were lighter, more vulnerable to being torn or damaged. 

Mor should be there today as well, maybe she will notice the dire need I was in for some good clothes to train in and it will be only today I will need to survive in this dress. Hopefully they will survive it without any harm.

After messing my braids a few times, I huffed and decided to keep it freely flowing down my back. I don't care, so what of it? My arm already ached from the attempts to braid them so many times and I refused to get there already beaten up just by braiding hair. 

Knocking echoed through my room and I looked at myself in the mirror, smiling. 

Well, maybe it wouldn't be that bad after all. He will be there and keep me company, that ought to be enough to make my day better. 

I walked quickly towards the door, opening them with my smile still holding strong there. He greeted me with smiles all this time, it was time I repay back with the same attitude. 

"Good morning Kaela darling," the deep, in warm honey covered voice purred through the early morning chill. 

It was enough to force my smile to reach my eyes. 

He looked stunning. Dressed in light fighting leathers which hugged his sculpted body in perfection. The smile on his face was heartbreaking and in fact made my own heart skip a beat at the sight of it. 

"Someone is in a good mood this early in the morning," he mused, offering me his arm with all the grace and elegance he put into each of his movements. 

I accepted his offered arm without hesitation this time. Yesterday it went well, so there was no need for me to be wary of him. This gesture seemed to please him greatly, because the almost invisible darkness lingering around him was now filled with satisfaction and happiness. 

It was probably a nice change for him. No longer being treated as some predator who might hurt me by any given opportunity he gets. Especially when now I knew he was through his own personal hell, no matter which form it had, he was in many ways similar to me and that made me feel very safe around him. 

"My brothers and cousin already got the other girls upstairs, if I might add, Mor was the preferred choice to carry them up there," he sounded amused as he shared this morning's activities so far. 

My mouth fell open at the revelation, Morrigan was his cousin? They didn't look much similar. Yes, both of them were extraordinarily beautiful, had this otherworldly aura around themselves, yet there the similarities ended. He must have noticed the shock on my face and started to laugh.

His laughter, it was music. The loveliest sonnet. It made my stomach feel all fuzzy and my heart felt a warm squeeze as I saw the carefree expression on his face, knowing this time it was without any mask. Nobody can fake such joyful, mirthful and beautiful laughter. 

"I know, it's often a shocking revelation,  but we do indeed share some parts of the same blood lineage," he grinned and then placed his other hand over mine once again.

"Don't worry yourself, don't stress yourself, those priestesses up there are just like you or me, all of them battling their invisible demons. My brothers are a harmless duo, their intentions are as pure as the freshly fallen snow. Both of them wish to help each of the girls to gain their confidence back, the autonomy of their bodies, the sense of being able to protect themselves. You have no reason to fear them and if you do, just stick to my side and don't leave it," he was speaking with utter honesty, easing the light pressure of nerves which started to work to my disadvantage. 

I hummed in agreement. To everything he said. It was the first sound filled response he got from me. If we don't count sights and nobody counts those. It came out naturally, no pressure, no uneasy feelings, just simple flow of a sound, charming another breathtaking smile on his lips.

The same gentle night whispers scooped us and with soft swoosh, he winnowed us on top of the House of Winds. 

It was crowded here. So many people I hadn't seen together since the last morning service at the temple and they all turned to face us. Their eyes are full of curiosity. 

Comforting hand patted my own, reminding me that I'm not alone there and once I took first breath, we started to walk towards the center of the gathering. 

"Rhysie, finally showing up? You are seven minutes late!" Booming voice echoed through the air, forcing me to swallow a dumpling in my throat. 

It came from a bulky looking male with damn large wings, which were held proudly behind him. He had his leather adored with crimson red stones. He looked roguish, he was handsome, no doubt about that, but he looked like trouble. 

"Rhysand, this is your way of showing this lady how important it is to be there right on time?" The second male who was standing next to the bulky one spoke up with a more reserved, calmer tone. His hazel eyes traveled from the hand that was still holding the arm of my only source of comfort and then right back up, his hazel eyes shining with curiosity. 

He was dressed as well in light leathers, but his stones were blue, not red as the other male. He had his hair kept shorter as well, light waves of black hair framed his somehow darkly beautiful face. Shadows roaming around him in lazy, slow manners around his large wings. 

Rhysand? So this male is named Rhysand? Hmm, it was a nice thing to finally know his name. After all those days of talking, well him talking and me listening, spending all these hours together, yet his name was never mustered. Till now. 

It sounded so familiar, yet I couldn't put my mind on where I heard it already. 

"The blame is on me, this sweetie has nothing to do with being late, what can you do about it?" Rhysand said with a cocky smile on his handsome face, walking with confidence right to the two of them. I was still holding his arm so naturally I was dragged alongside him to those two large males with wings who would be probably his brothers? 

Did he really need to call me sweetie in front of them though? 

"Don't pull ranks right from the morning," Mor showed up from behind the two of them, a bright smile already on her pretty face. "Good morning Kaela, so good to have you here!" 

"Alright, we shall start, as I already said, we are starting seven minutes late already, what a way to set things into working order," the larger one proclaimed with a wide smile and winked at me as he walked in front of the assembled girls, waiting patiently for things to begin. 

The one with blue stones and shadows around him gave me a small smile and followed his brother to the front row. 

"I will give you for a second into care of Mor, once the introduction is over, I will pick you up," Rhysand said with a playful smile and handed my arm to Morrigan, who gladly took it and patted it with the free hand, nodding with her head for her cousin to go already.

"Welcome to self defense class where me, Cassian and Azriel will be teaching you basics of self defense against any kind of assault," Rhysand started to speak, pointing towards each of his brothers while introducing them, his voice confident yet kind sounding. 

"First things first will be building your muscles, so you can keep your ground, no need to fear, it won't be as terrible as it sounds," he laughed charmingly and I felt a light smile landing on my own lips as well, feeling at ease just by listening to him.

"Alongside gaining muscles, you will work on your balance and stability, a very important ability to gain advantage and additional strength into defense. I will leave it up to Cassian to inform you about plans for today and the upcoming schedule, which will be given to you by Mor in paper form after the class today," he ended his part in speech, gesturing towards his brother, who nodded, looking serious now. 

I noticed violet eyes looking my way and a charming smile landed on his lips when he noticed my own light smile. It looked like he liked when I smiled. 

"As our High Lord said, these early lessons will be focusing on building muscles, your strength, your balance and stability as well stamina, all key points of being able to successfully defend yourselves," Cassian spoke with a confident voice, his words full of importance as he shared those information. It looked like this was not his first rodeo in teaching such a class. There was experience talking from him. 

Yet what made my blood freeze was his third and fourth word of the whole monologue he performed. My eyes widening in surprise at the realization with whom I had the honor sharing those hours. 

He was a High Lord, of course he was. Now the name was making perfect sense. Rhysand, the High Lord of the Night Court. How could I not realize it right away when I heard his name? Or how I didn't realize it was him by his bewitching eyes? It was only him in the entire Night Court who owned such rare eyes. 

Why didn't he tell me right away? That was the only question in my mind. Why? 

Lost in my thoughts, I missed the rest of the speeches, not realizing when did the arm I held changed again and I was taken aside from the crowd, right inside the large door which led us to a spacious kitchen. 

"I didn't think that Cass would spill the beans right from the start, I wanted to tell you in privacy, I truly did, but there never was the right time," he said as if he did something wrong, confusing me even further. 

It was not a problem that he kept it to himself. He is not supposed to give me any personal information about himself. Especially when I didn't even speak to him, I didn't tell him anything about myself. I was not angry or upset with him. How could I?

I was just confused. He was my High Lord for crying out loud! Babysitting me when he had a whole court to rule over! There were so many more important matters for him to focus on and he chose to focus on me, spend time with me. It was illogical for my mind to even comprehend this information whole. 

'You do not have to explain yourself to me. I just feel confused about your choices, that's all.'

I wanted to say, but it didn't come out of me. No, only a sight left my lips at the inability to express myself freely. 

"I hear you when you think this loudly you know, now that you know who I'm, you will soon learn about my abilities. I'm daemeti, I swear I'm not trespassing your mind, but when you don't have a mental shield and think this loudly, it pours into the open space," he said gently, surprising me even more. 

Oh he must think I'm a fool. What did he manage to hear? What did he notice? Oh please not my shameless admiration of his person, that would be so embarrassing! 

"Plus I can explain my choices to you, more precisely I will be very glad to explain them if you will hear me out," he gave me that heartbreaking smile.

I nodded, there was not a chance I would not hear him out. Not when he was there for me the whole time since I came here. 

He helped me to sit on one of the bar chairs which surrounded the high kitchen counter and I gave him a thankful little smile, unable to keep them away from him. They seem to always charm those tender smiles on his lips and it was a sight to behold, leaving me addicted to seeing more of them.

"High Lord or not, I'm just a person. It was so refreshing to speak with someone who had no clue about who I was, treating me just like a regular person without any kind of need to keep respect present. I felt at ease spending my time with you, it gave me space where I could turn off and be just me," he tried to explain himself, his voice gentle, as if he was scared it would scare me away. In front of us landed two glasses filled with something that seemed to be ice tea with slices of citron in it. 

"And that was the house, very long story, perhaps to another evening talk?" He gestured towards the glasses, taking on into his hands and pushing the other one in front of me to take it. 

'I would gladly treat you the same as I did till now.'

I tried to think out loud inside my mind, noticing how his beautiful eyes lit up with relief.

"That would be greatly appreciated, for you it's not a High Lord, it's just Rhys," he grinned with a sheepish smile and I felt my heart being once again wrapped in the cozy blanket of the affection I managed to develop for this male already. 

'It's good to know your name Rhys.'

I tasted how his name sounded from me, even though it was just inside my mind and it looked like he did the exact same thing. 

"I'm sorry for keeping it away from you, but usually my name is a giveaway of who I am," his voice was full of amusement as he said that and blush landed on my cheeks. 

Well yes, it was a very much clear giveaway of who he was. Huge applause for my mind which chose to work half speed using just a third of its capacity. 

"Anyway, we should go to join them or those two will be whining about me abusing my rank," he stood up, offering me his arm with a charming smile dancing on his lips and I gladly accepted his arm, leaving him to lead me back to the rest of our class. 

I found myself in the group with three other priestesses, all of them greatly focusing on some kind of stretch Azriel performed and Cassian with Rhysand were walking around the groups, correcting the postures we had. 

None of them commented on my inability to perform some of the stretches thanks to my bad hip and with both relief and horror, I noticed that I was not the only one leaving some stretches unattended thanks to my handicap. Some of the other girls were unable to properly use their hands, others seemed to have bad knees or ankles or back. A lot of us were wearing reminders of the cruelty performed on us. 

Yet the limitations were not stopping any of us I realized. Even when it hurt sometimes, all of us pushed ourselves to our limits with some kind of shared fierce determination, resilience. 

"Put this pretty hand more forward," Rhys's voice sounded next to me, catching the attention of the girls in my group. His words made me blush lightly and I just hoped that it was simply mistaken for blush from exercising. 

'I cannot, it is scratching my scars there.' 

I thought out loud, raising one of my hands to show him the scar tissue which formed there after trying to protect my sisters from the blades. I was very lucky my hands were not sliced off back then. 

"That we don't want, do we, here," he helped me to stand up and with utter gentleness put on each of my hands light, breathable leather gloves, which he charmed out of the thin air. They were in violet coloured, forcing a smile on my face at the realization itself of a similar color as his eyes held. 

'Thank you.'

I went back to the stretch and finally put my hands more forward without feeling like the skin there was being cut off. 

"Way better," he nodded approvingly, before moving on with his lazy steps, looking around. 

The two girls right by each of my sides gave me curious looks, but I ignored them and focused on the burning stretch of my legs that was delivered by the exercise. 

It turned out I was the only one, who Rhys kept actively checking and correcting while showering me in those little words that made my heart swell. Others were simply given instruction from an acceptable distance from Rhys or Cassian, while Azriel was still performing and showing us the exercises. 

Cassian didn't come to me, leaving his brother to take care of me. If Rhys informed him about my situation and the fact I hate strangers to touch me I was not sure, but still I was greatly thankful that was the case.

After all, it was a rather pleasant experience which indeed gave me a space to ventilate the pain inside me, easing the pressure build up there, leaving me strangely empty but in a good way. I felt lighter.

And maybe it had something to do with one High Lord, who kept to my side as he promised and showered me with his attention.

Chapter Text

The training was every third day at five in the morning. Late attendance was not welcomed but as well was not uncommon, as many girls were rushing half an hour late, apologizing for the late entrance. 

Each morning of the training, for the last two weeks, Rhys would show up, escorting me to my semi private class, as he developed a habit of just simply staying by my side, making sure I was doing things right and didn't hurt myself. 

A day after the first training, Rhys introduced me to his personal healer, Madja, sweet and kind soul, who was very skilled with healing magic. Thanks to her cream and healing powers, the pain in my hip went almost away, but the limp remained, even though it did reduce a lot in its prominence. Another thing I was endlessly thankful for. 

If he wasn't with me that day during training, Rhys would come to the booth on the third floor, where we met for the first time, bringing snacks and goods, while he shared stories and talked about things that crossed his mind at the time. 

I would reply in my head to him, the only communication process I made. So many times I tried to speak, tried to break the silence which was now unwelcome, but it seemed impossible. 

"The rest of my family wish to invite you for family dinner," Rhys said out of nowhere one late evening, when we were sitting on the veranda of the House of the Winds, admiring the night sky. 

I looked up at him with quite a surprise, not sure what to say. 

It's not like I don't know them, Az and Cass both are very often present in my life now, even if kept at bait by their brother to keep their distance. Mor was visiting me every day and I dare to say, that I can think of her as a friend by this point? With the amount of private information she shared with me, it was clear she thought of me as a friend. 

The only unknown was Amren. From Rhys' stories about her, she was really something. I was still not sure what to think of her. I felt respect towards her, that was for sure. 

‘What will I do at family dinner, Rhys?’

I said gently, not sure it was even right for me to attend. 

It seemed that my hesitation was not welcomed by him and he placed his hand softly on top of mine, giving me a look that he used to make a point.

“Be a part of it? You are important to Mor and you are very dear and very important to me Kaela darling,” he said these kind words with utter delight, being completely and utterly sincere. 

‘Very dear and very important to you, Rhys darling?’

I hummed in my mind, feeling blush heating my cheeks at the nickname he was using all the damn time for me being used on him by me. 

I was happy to hear this, because over the time spent together, he became very dear and very important to me as well. He was my lifeline if I am being honest with myself. 

This male, Rhys, he got me out of the deepest pit I ever was in my life, keeping me above the drowning line with his presence. When he was by my side, he was the only thing my mind focused on, was at ease and let the demons dance alone by themselves in my mind, uninterested to be ever drag back to them. 

My remark made him grin with something that resembled a feline smile. It was a kind of smile that predators use when they are luring their prey to set the final blow and capture it for good. 

And what of it? What if I wouldn't be captured by him? Nobody ever made me feel like he does and the strange sense of belonging when I am with him, it was just magical. 

“Oh you have no idea,” he practically purred, sending blush over my cheeks all over again. 

When did I become a blushing mess? Somewhere between being lost in my own misery? Just one flirty remark and he makes me blush. Damn it. 

“You see,” he took my hand into his, holding it with utter gentleness as if he was afraid that I would break if held with bigger force.  His violet eyes filled with life this evening were holding my own in a hypnotic gaze. “Ever since you laid those pretty eyes on me in that reading booth, I knew I found someone important to have in my life, maybe even the most important part of it.” 

His words sent my heart racing pace, beating with such mighty force that I was afraid it would jump out of my rib cage. 

‘I will attend then, I can’t let you miss the most important part of your life.’

I beamed at him with a bright smile and felt the electric feelings of giddiness travel over my formerly numb body. With him I was everything but numb. He made me feel even the good things there are to experience. 

The smile he charmed was something magical by itself. If he was not my lifeline before he charmed me with this exact smile, he would become my lifeline right at this moment. 

Rhys stood up, mischief all over his handsome face as he slightly bent forward and extended his arm towards me. What he had in plans? 

“Can I have this dance oh so sweet lady?” He asked with a tender voice and I felt dumpling rise in my throat at the offer.

It has been so long since I danced, since I lived and he was just simply there, giving my life a whole new meaning with those kinds of gestures he was making.

I nodded with a shy smile and accepted his offered hand, leaving him to help me back up to my feet and lead us into the middle of the veranda, where he took me closer into his arms and slowly, I raised my arms to wrap around his neck, giving into the blissful embrace.

I didn’t care that there was no music or that we just held each other in a warm, welcoming embrace, swinging slowly into an invisible rhythm that played in our hearts. 

There was magic in the air around us, I swear I could feel it, sacred magic that surrounded us and kept feeding the little bubble around us with strength to keep us cocooned there as long as possible. Untouchable from the world outside our sweet, peaceful and comforting bubble of bliss. 

“I don’t know how much you know, but I think it’s only fair you know about what lured me into the library in the first place,” he whispered, his head resting lightly on top of mine. 

‘You don’t need to. I promise that there is no pressure for you to share it.’

I turned my head back and looked up at him, finding only a relaxed expression coloured by tenderness in those beautiful eyes. 

“I want to,” he took one of my hands into his and placed a small, soft kiss on the back of my hand before he lifted our connected hands up to his heart, keeping them there. 

And so he did, he shared what he was enduring for those fifty years. A whole five decades of true torture and agony. It broke my heart into millions of pieces as I listened to what he was going through. The sacrifices he made to protect what he held dear to his heart. 

He reached to my face and brushed the tears away from my face, smiling gently.

In front of his suffering, mine was just a baby play. All of our sufferings combined would not even reach close to his own. Yet there he stood, strong and resolute like the unmoving mountains of our court. 

He was facing so many demons yet he managed to keep it together and not let the sweet temptation seduce him and take his mind to join the broken souls club. No, he was strong, resilient and brave. 

“I’m proud of you,” I whispered my first words in a long time. 

I don’t know what was the breaking force behind the miracle recovery of my lost voice, but I don’t care, maybe it was the inspiring deeds he endured and survived. All that mattered now was that I was able to say those important words with my own voice and charm the astonishing look on his beautiful face. 

“And I’m proud of you,” his eyes slightly glittered with tears he kept at bait, his face caressing my cheek gently. 

As our eyes connected with a gaze filled with all those unsaid emotions, I felt something inside me snap and that strange feeling of belonging when I was around suddenly got shape and form. It even got a name. 

“How is that possible?” I whispered, completely astonished with the course of this evening. 

“It snapped for me the very first night, I just waited for you to be ready for it,” he raised our connected hands to his lips and kissed them again, this time leaving his lips lingering on my skin a little longer. 

As we danced on the veranda of the House of Winds, the night sky keeping watch over us, I was still grasping onto what just happened. How was that possible? Being blessed by such a fortune. 

Rhys, he was my mate.