Chapter Text
The turtle brothers had started out being carried around, drifting as they searched for somewhere to settle. Splinter hadn’t had much of an idea on how to take care of four turtles, especially since each brother was of different age and species, and therefore had different needs. However, Sprinter did know how to fight, and he knew how to keep them alive well enough.
This meant that the brothers spent much of their time waiting for Splinter to finish protecting them or finding them food – it meant they spent much of their time alone together.
In this time, they were developing key parts of themselves, as many toddlers and small children are wont to do.
Leonardo, being the eldest, quickly took up the job of watching his younger siblings. He tried his best to shield their eyes from Splinter’s impromptu battles, even when he himself squeezed his eyes shut at the frightening sight, soothed them when Splinter could not, and told them what to do when there was no one else to. He held Michelangelo’s hand constantly, deathly afraid of him sprinting away when he wasn’t looking, fussed over Donatello, and made sure Raphael actually went to sleep.
He begrudgingly ate anything that was put in front of him, even if it was broccoli and therefore absolutely gross. He put on band-aids, but occasionally requested Splinter to kiss them better, because he obviously wanted them to heal faster.
Michelangelo was the youngest, and by far the least aware of their situation. He spent much of his time clinging to his older brothers. He refused to go anywhere that Leonardo wasn’t, he ran to Raphael when he was scared, and he frequently played with Donatello. He liked bright colors, making loud noises, and bouncing off the walls.
He ate almost anything and snatched food from others if he could. He liked tugging on lose objects, like Splinter’s whiskers or Leo’s fingers. He was adorable, in everyone’s honest, and correct, opinion.
It became clear very early on that Donatello was sharp. Where the others would overlook things, he spent a moment longer staring at them. He analyzed things, wide eyes and tilting his head with an unsettling blank expression. He was always, always asking questions. Incessant, unquenchable, like he was being deprived of water instead of knowledge. It resulted in him growing a smart mouth, which Splinter did not appreciate that at all.
Donatello simply didn’t like being interfered with much. He gave himself his own baths and gave every new food exactly one chance. He was well enough behaved, except for when he tried to adopt rocks as his pets. That was no fun.
And Raphael? He was one of the first to peel Leonardo’s hands off from over his eyes to watch Splinter’s fights. At first, it was simple curiosity and rebellion.
It had been in line with his normal behavior. He was perpetually in what Splinter referred to as the terrible twos. He didn’t like taking baths, he stubbornly refused to eat any new food he didn’t like the look or smell of, and he absolutely despised being carried. Although, Splinter admittedly found the way that he tenses up and went completely still the moment he was lifted was cute.
But then, he couldn’t seem to look away. Where Leo covered their eyes and shut his own, Raph stared on. Something about the violence imprinted itself on him; his fists curled of their own accord when he got scared or irritated, growling without reason as his heart beat faster. His little eyes, watching Splinter’s hits cause blood in the air, could only look down at his own small palms and see them as weapons. See himself as a potential defense.
Mikey had been one of the first to pick up on that in Raphael, looking back on it – pick up on his urge to be his family’s knuckles and teeth. Perhaps it was why, even though he always held Leo’s hand, Raph was the one he sprinted to when there was a loud noise. Why even though Leo couldn’t seem to contain him, he stopped and quieted immediately when Raph grabbed him and pushed him behind him. Why he pushed his little face into Raph’s plastron when Splinter was forced to fight in front of them.
Donnie eventually acted the same way, too. For a long time, they fought over who was older. They were both so similar in age that Donnie reluctantly declared them twins, though Raph continued to proclaim himself older. Despite Donnie’s declaration, when it came down to it, he treated Raph as if he were older. When he startled, he grabbed onto Raph’s forearm. When there was fighting, he found himself standing behind Raph.
And Raphael…Raphael took to this naturally. He expected it, at some point. His breath caught in his throat, he reached to grip Mikey and step in front of Donnie. It was actually one of the first points of contention between him and Leo.
Leo was the eldest, he was meant to be the one protecting his family. But, it wasn’t him they ran to when frightened. It was Raphael, his little brother. Raph, who was protecting them. Raph, who pushed Leo’s palm off his eyes. Raph, who had started to try to protect him, too. He chided him on the behavior again and again.
“Stop doing that,” He demanded. “That’s my job!”
Raph only ever scowled. “Make me,” He would say.
Which was another thing. Raph got more and more volatile as time went on. He refused to follow Leo’s orders sometimes, and eventually started to try to deny Spinter’s, too. He argued and talked back all the time, and it was downright exhausting for Leo to deal with. It was absurd to him that Raph dared disrespect Splinter in any way.
“Raphael,” Splinter said, getting that stern tone of voice, “you will not be learning combat! You are far too young, and you will listen to me!”
“I need to learn,” Raphael growled. “And if you won’t teach me, I’ll teach myself.”
Splinter leaned forward towards Raph. Mikey clinged to Raph’s leg, Donnie watching over Raph’s shell. Leo glared at Raph, stood to the side of him and Splinter.
“You are too young. You will not learn now, and that is final,” He said, his voice low.
Raph flexed his already furled hands, glaring up at Splinter intensely, and for a moment Leo was seriously concerned he might try and attack. But then Donnie grabbed his arm, and Mikey made a quiet, keening noise, and Raph huffed. He glared down at the ground instead, defeated.
Leo thought he would feel better after seeing his brother humbled a bit, but, instead, something just felt wrong.
Splinter leaned back, and Leo stepped forward to scoop Mikey up off Raph. Raph stepped forward slightly, just enough to be in front of him and Mikey. He frowned as Raph crossed his arms.
“You had better learn to watch your temper,” Splinter advised. “If you are angry now, it will be far worse when you grow to be a teenager.”
It was when Leo turned 14 that Splinter reluctantly began to teach them combat. He cited that there were threats he couldn’t protect them from forever, nor would he always be around to provide them food.
Splinter taught them all the same base moves and forms, but they all took to fighting in their own ways.
Leo found himself as the leader once again. He directed them as they fought, telling them which training dummies to go after or giving them plans to attempt to beat Splinter for the nth time. He fought evenly, steadily. His footwork was impeccable each and every time, exactly as Splinter taught them. He learned slowly, but grew to be strategic. Even with him learning everything slowly, he tended to be much better than his brothers; at least, in the teachings of Splinter, he was used much more often as a good example.
Donnie struck fast and hard. He analyzed, much the same as he did when young, tilting his head with that blank expression to watch them sometimes. It meant he paused a lot, and had to be reminded to keep moving. His sharpness shone through when he only needed to see Splinter demonstrate and explain a move once or twice before he was able to mimic it himself.
He occasionally fell into the trap of a dirty move here and there, and had to be reminded of what was acceptable by Splinter.
Mikey fought wildly. He now quite literally bounced off the walls, using them to give his hits extra force. He would watch Splinter demonstrate a move, then sloppily repeat it, before adding his own flare.
Splinter tried to discourage this, wanting him to be able to do it perfectly before modifying it, but Mikey had already made a habit of it. He was also adaptable, and nearly never ran out of energy. He often provided an opening for a harder hit from someone else, which was usually Donnie or Raph.
Raph was quickly determined to be their hard hitter. He took to combat faster than all the rest of them, watching a move demonstrated before replicating it. His first attempt at replicating it was usually off, but he made up for with just how much force he could put behind it. He, much like Mikey, was restless in his fighting, but for much different reasons. He turned his tiredness into fuel, his frustration to fire, and just kept going.
He would frequently be the first to attack, a flurry of fight, until he was forcibly pushed back or until recalled. He even fought dirty at a certain point, no matter how much Splinter tried to reprimand him.
On a peculiar day of sparring, Splinter had told them he had a special announcement after their lesson.
Leo hung back for a moment, each of them circling Master Splinter. He waited patiently in the center, eyeing each of them passively as they turned around him.
Leo glanced over to Raph once he was behind Splinter, tilting his head towards their master. Raph saw, and his eyes locked onto Splinter with familiar intensity.
Raph lunged forward, rushing Splinter. He threw a punch, fists tight, and it drove through the air before Splinter dodged. He hopped over Splinter’s tail with familiarity, sending a heavy punt towards his legs.
The problem with Raph’s fighting style, as Splinter has pointed out and as Leo could see, was that it was too obvious what he’s going to do next. He hit hard, but he had to wind up. So, when Splinter dodged again, it was expected.
“Mikey!” Leo directed, waving towards the ongoing fight.
Mikey nodded automatically. “Gotcha!”
He jumped in to help Raph; where Raph was predictable, Mikey was not. He was fast and harder to keep track of. It helped balance the two out.
Leo turned to glance at Donnie for a second. As always, he was watching with his head tilted. Leo, privately, liked to picture him as a sort of bird when he did that.
He looked back at the fight in time to see Raph tug Mikey back and place his shell between his brother and a well-aimed kick. Leo leapt in, signaling Donnie to jump in when he could with a quick hand motion. He caught Donnie’s unsure look out of the corner of his eye.
It went on similarly to that for a while, but, just like every other time, Splinter had them beat in a matter of minutes. Leo had long ago stopped being so embarrassed about losing; Master Splinter was going to be better than them, and it was good that he was, because that meant that they would be taught good things.
Raph was frustrated, though. He was always that way when he lost. He heard Raph huff and kick at the ground.
Leo mentally shrugged since there wasn’t much he could do about it, no matter how much he wanted to tell Raph to cut it out. He took quick stock of his other brothers; Donnie looked a little disappointed, since he had been the last one to be taken out, but Mikey seemed to have recovered quickly, smiling and chattering at Raph.
He looked back at Master Splinter, who gave him a small smile. He signaled them to sit down, and they did.
“My sons,” He said, extending his hands slightly, “I have good news to give you. Particularly you, Leonardo.”
Leo smiled as something in his chest felt lighter. Mikey wiggled a bit, excited to hear the news, as Donnie looked up from the ground. Even Raph seemed interested.
“I think you are all ready to receive the weapons I have decided to designate you,” He announced proudly.
Leo smiled wide, looking over to his little brothers. Mikey had automatically reached out to repeatedly bat at Donnie blindly, who looked like his entire world had lit up with excitement. Raphael had a wide smile on his face for once, hands clasped together before his plastron.
“And, my good news to you, Leonardo?” Splinter said, smiling down at him fondly. “After much deliberation, I have decided to grant you the title of leader.”
Leo kept smiling, but it felt like something of a weight had settled on his shoulders.
“You are the eldest, your brothers look up to you, and have been steady in learning your forms and combat; you are a good student, and a good example. And, above all, you are a wonderful son, just as your brothers are.”
Donnie, who sat closest to him, turned to quietly offer his congratulations.
Mikey did much the same, but with much more loudness. “Congrats, Nardo! You totally deserve it, you’re always bossing us around anyways!”
Leo didn’t know how to feel all of the sudden. He looked over to Raph.
Raph looked a little conflicted for a second, frowning as he searched his expression. But then he seemed to find what he’d been looking for, because he nodded a little.
Leo swallowed. He looked back at Master Splinter, smiling still.
Master Splinter also nodded at him assuringly. “Because I have decided this, I also decided to reach out to an old friend. He will be able to teach you better, and give you better experience than I will, since you will be working with him one-on-one.”
There was a sort of quiet after that. Leo couldn’t take his eyes off of Splinter.
“Where– where would Leo be going to do that?” Donnie asked nervously.
“A small village in Peru. My friend moved there a while ago, and he says that they experience much issues with crime due to their position in the forestry,” Splinter answered as he smiled down at Leo. “Much of it will be low risk to you, compared to the enemies here, but it will be good to train there for a few months.”
Leo…didn’t know how to feel about that. The silence around him suddenly felt oppressive. He had never been away from his brothers that long; they needed him.
“It…won’t be that bad!” Mikey tried. “I’m sure we’ll still be able to call!”
Splinter cleared his throat. “No, you won’t,” He corrected gently.
“Text, then,” He tried again. Donnie looked down at the ground.
“No, Michelangelo.”
Mikey was quiet for a beat. “...then we’ll just have to write!”
“No,” Splinter corrected for the final time, “there will be no contact. To learn to be a good leader, one must first learn to be able to depend upon himself and how to create plans for himself. Self-reliance is very, very important, including in emotional matters. Contact will disrupt this learning experience. Things like codependency must never be allowed to grow.
“You four have not been apart once in your lives. You must learn how to live without at least one of you, and Leo must know how to live with only himself.”
Leo felt a lump in his throat. It was like he couldn’t breathe.
“And it will only be for a few months,” Splinter comforted, a sympathetic look crossing his face.
There was no possible way he could agree to this. He looked at Donnie, who still looked down at the ground with a blank face. Then to Mikey, who looked almost frightened. He must have reached out to Raph at some point, because he had Raph’s arm in a death grip.
Raph didn’t look like he had stopped staring at Leo the entire time. He had this expression on his face – Leo couldn’t place it. It’s like want , he thought, but not quite . It was a little more desperate than that, but too quiet for loud direness. The look appeared strange on his brother; he was never so open about emotions like that, and never lacked the voice to simply speak on something.
He looked away from Raph’s imploring, down to the ground.
Master Splinter said this was important. He said he would be back soon. He said Leo needed this to be able to lead his brothers.
He looked back up at Master Splinter, who looked down upon him fondly. “Are…” He hesitated, fiddling with his fingers, “Are you sure, dad?”
Master Splinter nodded sagely, pride glimmering in his eyes.
“Yes, my son. You are worthy, your time will be well spent. Do not worry about your brothers; I will continue to teach and protect them here,” He confirmed.
Leo had a jittery feeling in his chest. He had never been away from his brothers before, and he was always looking out for them, but Splinter was more than capable of that. He’d already been doing it for their entire lives.
Perhaps it would be nice to have a little bit of alone time? Maybe he’d get wise, like his dad. His brothers would be taken care of, and Leo would just be away for a little while. They would all be fine. This was a good thing for him and for his brothers.
“Yes– yes, I’ll go. Thank you, Master Splinter. I’m honored,” He said, smiling carefully.
“Come along, then, my son,” Splinter invited, eyes gleaming, waving a hand towards the door. “I will help you get started on packing and then I will present you with your weapon after I do so for your brothers.”
Leo got up and hurried to the door. Master Splinter stood behind him, but Leo looked back at his brothers for a moment before he turned the door knob.
Donnie and Mikey were both smiling at him, albeit a little sad and a little nervous, but Raph…
Raph’s head was still angled at the ground, but his gaze was up and locked onto Leo’s. He looked– well, not devastated, but something– something like that. Maybe disbelief, or maybe something hurt. He looked angry, but not in the normal way he did. It was more like rage. His fists were curled into tight balls, his shoulder tense.
He shook his head.
Leo, for one small, small moment, hesitated, his eyes caught on Raph’s. It felt like he couldn’t breath. This is a good thing, He thought, as if Raph could read his mind, I promise. It’s just a little while. Just a few months.
Raph shook his head again, but it was nearly imperceptible that time. Quiet desperation.
Leo thought about taking back his words, thought about saying no for a split second. But then he heard Master Splinter’s voice again, citing codependency and ruin.
He steeled himself and turned around. He turned the pushed the door open. It felt like the beginning of something lighter.
Raphael clenched his heavy fists tighter as Leo walked out, Splinter leaving behind him. Something like poison gathered at the back of his mouth; he swallowed it. His eyes, dry, felt shaky, as he stared at the door. There was an awful hole underneath his plastron, in his gut, and he wanted to vomit it out.
Mikey ever-so-gently reached out to place his palm over his fist. “It’ll be okay, Raph. It’s just for a few months.”
“He’ll be fine.”
Splinter was sending Leo off to a small village ridden with crime, without almost any help or backup. Who even was that old friend? They weren’t even told his name. And Leo agreed. He agreed. He looked at him and walked right out the door. And Splinter, ever serene and pleased about it.
Why did Splinter even think it was Leo that was so good? They all worked so fucking hard and Leo was always the golden child and--
“Yeah, what Donnie said! What could go wrong?” Mikey tried to cheer him.
He didn’t believe it. Donnie almost certainly didn’t either.
Raph grit his teeth. No matter how hard any of them tried, they just weren’t delusional enough to trust that.