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1.
Cold Finger was proud to say he had made it onto the top of Shezow’s roster of regularly re-occurring rogues.
It had taken hard work and dedication- not that he had much else to do with his time besides his weekly pottery club and the online community college classes that he took, but still it had taken effort regardless.
Anyways , the point was that he had been a fan of Shezow through the comics for years and was well versed in all her lore by the time he’d became ambitious enough to attempt to join her rogues gallery.
And he knew for a certifiable fact that Shezow had never ever had a sidekick.
Well, hadn’t until now that is.
Though Shezow was now constantly assisted by a sidekick, who constantly was by her side and aiding her in battles. He was seemingly super-powerless, and he went through a rotation of costumes, though he most consistently wore a matching blue set of a cape, gloves, and a mask.
Currently, Coldfinger was busy trying to freeze a good chunk of downtown, because Summer was an evil season and needed to be humbled. So of course the best decision was to send the temperature dropping into the 30’s on a Tuesday in mid-July.
Yeah he felt pretty good about that one.
Until, predictably of course, Shezow had appeared on the scene.
Can’t a guy have hobbies?
Coldfinger scowled when her car- the vehicle was the same garish bright pink color as her outfit- came skidding to a stop. He’d iced the roads earlier, hence why the car made a horrible screeching noise as it did so, sliding on the ice a few more feet forward than necessary.
From his spot on a lawn chair, surrounded by mounds of snow and a few of his penguin minions scattered about ready for a signal to attack, he had to resist the urge to burst into laughter as he watched Shezow stumble around on the frozen sidewalk in her ridiculously tall linyl go-go boots. Her sidekick jumped out of the passenger side of the car and rushed over to help grab her before she could fall. Which worked only for a moment, before he stumbled as well and they both went sprawling to the ground.
Only then did Coldfinger laugh, a loud nasally cackle, and was quite pleased at the simultaneous glare it earned him from the heroine and sidekick duo.
“Stop right there Coldfinger!”. Shezow shouted at him, though it lost most of its intended effect considering she was still in a heap on the ground with her sidekick, and covered in a pile of capes.
It took them a moment to get back to their feet, and Coldfinger graciously allowed them to do so- because he was just so generous. Shezow stumbled a bit, her sidekick somehow managing to haul them both up off the icy ground, and they paused, taking a moment to steady each other, hands gripping tightly onto each other’s arms.
Shezow glanced up, from where her fingers were interlocked with her sidekicks, and both their faces flushed with pink- and it wasn’t entirely from the cold weather. Coldfinger watched them with a huff, before he pointed a lazy finger at them and his penguins went on the offensive.
Their ensuing fight isn’t anything special, it’s a very recognizable routine. He attacks, she defends, she finds a flaw in his plan and uses her varying superpowers to take him out, and he’ll sit in a jail cell for a week or two before breaking out to do it all over again.
For others he’s sure it would be quite boring, but there is always the spark of possibility , the slim chance that he might just win.
Some would probably compare it to a gambling addiction.
Regardless, he certainly doesn’t plan on stopping his villainous exploits anytime soon. And the gossip of whatever was going on between the hero her sidekick would make good gossip at the next villainous meeting.
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2.
Candy Rapper let out a loud set of chuckles as he tossed a few gumball bombs over his shoulder at the heroine and sidekick chasing him, turning a sharp right around the corner and adjusting the bag of cash fresh from the Megadale bank over his shoulder.
Typical Tuesday.
As typical as a Tuesday could get when you were a sentient and anthropomorphic chocolate bar with a steady growing fanbase on SoundCloud.
And considering he was sometimes coworkers alongside a maniacal monkey and humongous sarcastic octopus, his circumstance was definitely not the weirdest thing he’d seen.
Candy Rapper wouldn’t say he breached the top of Shezow’s villain list. He probably wasn’t even second tier, if he was being honest. He wasn’t like some of the others, he just preferred to get into some general mischief y’know? Anything to spread his name out, get his rapping career popping off.
And he had to afford his bling somehow, right?
Is robbing the Megadale bank really that big a crime? Seriously, that place got robbed like every other week! Why is it such a big deal when he does it?
He turns another corner.
Shezow and her trusty sidekick are on his tail, as per usual, spouting some stereotypical cheesy superhero lines. Her sidekick cracks some candy related banter and Shezow laughs like it’s actually funny.
Which is his first sign of something.. interesting.
See, Candy Rapper was new to this whole villainy thing. It was a relatively recent development. And he’d started his criminal origins in that weird period of time when Shezow hadn’t been seen for a few months. A very chaotic few weeks for the city of Megadale that had been. A very memorable summer.
Candy Rapper had figured there was no risk in committing a few misdemeanors here or the odd felony there. What really was there to lose?
And regardless, even he knew that Shezow having a sidekick was a new thing. And that Shezow must’ve been in some sort of incident or accident or whatever, because she was noticeably less skilled at the whole superhero thing than she’d previously been. Not that he’d paid much attention to her before becoming one of her rogues. But it was mentioned often enough at S.I.C.K by some of the other villains that he had taken notice.
Which is why the sidekick thing made enough sense to him- even though he knew Tara still hadn’t wrapped her head around it. Shezow’s sidekick made up pretty well for her recently developed loss of skills. He backed her up at basically every battle, added to her banter, and more often than you’d think ended up being essential to saving the day at the end of it all.
Not that Candy Rapper was pleased about it, but whatever. Everybody has their off days, himself included. Not to say Candy Rapper appreciated how it had landed him in the big house for a few weeks before he’d busted out.
“Yo Shezow, got skills so weak, ya sidekick can’t even stand on his own two feet!”. He raps absentmindedly as he scales up the ladder on the nearest building.
“Well that’s just rude”. Her sidekick sullenly mumbles.
Shezow though looks more pissed than Candy Rapper has seen in a while, and she swings her arm out, hand now suddenly gigantic and simply plucks the ladder off of its hinges and shakes it like a maraca until he drops the bag of money in a desperate attempt to hold on.
“What was that you said about my sidekick?”. Shezow growls in a voice that sounds far off from her usual dainty high pitched chipper tone.
“Chill out! It was just some clever rhyming-“. His grip on the ladder rail slips and he goes falling right onto the bag of bills on the ground. While lounging around in money was a common fantasy for him, it was not as comfy as it sounded with the bills all bundled and stacked together into somewhat very uncomfortable paper bricks.
“Check it out, that was whack”. He coughed. “..Think I just threw out my back”.
“Is that line gonna make it onto one of your tracks?”. Shezow’s sidekick surprisingly asks, voice somewhat taunting, and simultaneously slinging out handcuffs from one of his pockets.
Shezow scoffs as she sets the ladder down, leaning it against the building, and her hand shrinks back to normal size. She dusts them off on her skirt, shaking her head and turning to look at her sidekick incredulously. “You seriously listen to his music?”.
Her sidekick shrugs. “Yeah. He’s actually got some good stuff”.
Candy Rapper nods in appreciation, even though he’s currently being handcuffed to a nearby pipe. “Respect yo. I appreciate that”.
Shezow blinks, confused. “He’s literally a known active criminal? Dude, we stop him like, every other week!”.
“You only stop me half the time. I get away just as much as I don’t!”.
Her head jerks away from looking at her sidekick to face him. “You really wanna argue about this with me right now? She-riously?”. She sends him a glare, one eyebrow raised in a threatening manner. And one thing Candy Rapper does know, is that Shezow is not against roughing up a villain if said villain deserved it. So he rightly shuts his mouth, grinning nervously around his golden grillz.
“Chill dude. We already got him”. Her sidekick starts walking away, and Shezow huffs, glancing between him and Candy Rapper before rolling her eyes and deciding to follow.
“I just don’t like what he said about you”. She pouts, crossing her arms.
Her sidekick shrugs again, patting Shezow comfortingly on her shoulder. “The cops will deal with him, Sheila already alerted them . And I’m used to it-“.
“You shouldn’t have to be used to it! We’re supposed to be equals! A duo!”.
It sounds like a conversation they’ve had many times, and Shezow sends Candy Rapper one last scowl before they turn down the alley and out of sight, and their conversation echoes and fades away.
His wrist are already aching a bit, and his shoulder is definitely bruised from the fall, but he realizes with a smug grin what Shezow’s interactions with her sidekick remind him of.
And he’s definitely gonna bring it up at the next S.I.C.K meeting.
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3.
The harsh sound of two laser lipsticks crashing together echoed across the empty sewers underneath Megadale bank. The smell was dank and the sewers were dark, the only light coming from the green and pink flashes of the laser weapons that the both of them wielded.
Loose hundred dollar bills slipped from the utility belt around the Shezap’s waist, as another harsh slash of their opposites weapon sent them sliding backwards with a cackle. Their laugh was harsh and distorted and they grinned as their pink clad opponent scowled.
”What’s the matter toot’s? Jealous?”. They taunt, knowing well of the limitations of the ring when it came to bad behavior. They absentmindedly thanked whoever was up there that those stupid rules didn’t apply to them, as they ducked out of the way of a bright pink laser lipstick.
Shezow scoffed. “Yeah right. Green really isn’t your color”. She lunged forward, and ducked into a roll to avoid getting stabbed through.
“C’mon! That bank was asking for it! I mean have you seen their security?”. They snorted. “It’s just sad”.
”I thought I told you to stay clear of Megadale!”. Shezow dodged another strike.
“And I thought I told you, that we love chaos. And no city does chaos better than here”. They shrugged. “What can I say, there’s no place like home”.
They flipped backwards, sending a kick Shezow’s way before running to jump across the trough in the middle of the sewers floor, that had mucky water rushing by in an invisible current. They landed on the other side with the loud sound of their heels skidding to a stop.
” There’s a difference between chaos and crimes, y’know!”. Shezow growled back as a response, leaping across the gorge to continue the fight.
”You’d know all about that right? Consider the only reason we are who we are, is because you think like a villain”. The smirk they gave was sharp as once again the two adversaries once again met in the middle, weapons pressed against each other, and glaring into each other’s eyes. The electric green of the clones irises made a Shezow’s glare harden.
“If I were a villain, I think I’d be doing a much better job at it than you”.
”You need a sidekick just to pass as feeble excuse for a superhero. How is loverboy doing anyways? I almost kinda miss his stupid little face”.
Shezow didn’t answer the question, but her next strike was certainly more powerful than the last.
”I suppose it just comes natural to you, doesn’t it? Being a villain? Her words not mine”.
Shezow’s glare slipped into a snarl as she lunged forward, aiming a blow at the Shezap’s side that they couldn’t dodge in time.
The clone hissed in pain through gritted teeth, one hand coming up to press against the wound, as a bright green ooze began to leak from it. Refocusing on the battle, they dodged another attack, and another as Shezow’s frontal assault continued without mercy.
“Don’t you dare talk about her!”. The heroine snapped.
“Yeesh, sore subject?”. Shezap just barely managed to dodge one more attack before reaching into their belt and tossing a wad of cash into the heroine’s face. The cash was just enough of a distraction for the clone to slip into the shadows.
”Keep the change!”.
Shezap knew that their originator didn’t possess their ability to see in the dark, and watched amused as she searched in vain through the dark for her opponent.
”Get back here and face me like a man, you coward! You are so full of shit!”. The hero barked into the darkness, voice quite a few octaves lower than it should’ve been, chest heaving, and with a scowl set firmly on her face.
Nothing but the eerie silence of the sewers answered her for a moment, until the nasally and all too familiar voice spoke again, echoing around in the dim and grim sewer tunnels, making it sound like it came from all directions.!
“Say hello to the sidekick for me, huh? She ya later toots”.
And then the heroine was alone.
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4.
Major Attitude was used to his schemes going awry.
What can he say? He wasn’t a brainy guy. He was all muscles and strength, when it came to planning he could fall a bit short.
Shezow’s sidekick, who’d recently begun going by the name Mazerific, was leaned by him against the nearest police car. Partly to keep an eye on him, and partly to join him in watching with bemusement at the sight before them.
Shezow was trying- keyword being try here- to carefully extract the tank from where Attitude had crashed it straight through the wall of the Megadale Jewls and Gems store. All the while bickering with Officer Hamdon, as the two tended to do any time they interacted.
“To the left!” Hamdon barked. “My left!”.
Shezow groaned in annoyance, shifting the weight of the tank in her hands. “Pick one already! This thing isn’t exactly lightweight!”.
“More to the right! Some of us actually care about property damage!”. Hamdon grumbled, setting the two off on another one of their bickering matches.
Major Attitude watched for a moment as the sidekick gazed at his partner with an adoring look in his eyes, before he sighed. “I know that look”. He said, in his typical squeaky high-pitched cadence.
The sidekick startled, gaze darting between the scene before them and the villain next to him. “Wait, what?”.
“Saw it on far too many of my buddies faces back when I was in the barracks”. The major continued, ignoring the sidekicks confusion.
Mazerific paused, eyebrows raising as he turned to look at the Major. “Wait, you’re an actual veteran?”.
Attitude scowled. “Yes! You think these badges here are just for show?!”. He gestured to his chest as well as he could while being handcuffed.
The sidekick held up his hands placatingly. “Sorry! I just wasn’t sure if it was part of your schtick or something!”.
“I have no schtick! I’m-”
“How should I know that?! You work with a guy who’s obsessed with yo-yos!” The sidekick threw up his hands in exasperation.
Major Attitude had to concede. The kid did have a point.
“Regardless I recognize that stupid look on your face from a mile away. You’re in love with your superior”.
“Wha- I am not!”. The sidekick immediately began stuttering out denials. “That would be like, … so unprofessional! It’s totally not like that! Seriously! A-and she’s my partner, neither of us is the boss!”. He huffed, crossing his arms, immediately defensive.
“She’s just super cool, and strong, and-“. He hesitated as the Major sent him a look and seemed to realize he was digging his own grave as his face turned an embarrassing shade of red under his mask. “We’re just best friends!”
”Mhmm”. Major Attitude gave him a disbelieving look. “Well, you might wanna stop looking at her like a lovesick puppy”.
Before the sidekick could defend himself properly, a loud crashing sound echoed from behind them, and the sidekick and villain turned to see a wincing Shezow, a clearly frustrated officer, and the tank now on the ground in pieces with the stores wall less intact than one would most likely prefer.
”Butterfingers?”. The heroine joked, shrugging slightly.
The officer below her was quiet for a second before he erupted into the start of another argument. Shezow wasted no time in reciprocating, coming down from hovering up in the air just enough to still be taller than the officer she was arguing about. Which was obviously just upsetting the officer more.
The sidekick and Major watched the argument for a moment before Major Attitude turned to the non-surprised looking sidekick besides him. “They do that a lot?”
The sidekick nodded with a sigh. “Yep”.
Shezow stomped towards the duo in her pristine white go-go boots, arms crossed and face frowned up. “Can you believe that guy, he’s so-“. She trailed off grumbling something undoubtedly not very nice under her breath. “Ok I’m so ready to ditch this scene, dude. Let’s get out of here”.
She seemed to belatedly notice the handcuffed villain besides her sidekick and nodded in way of a greeting. “What are you two over here talking about?”.
“Uhh..”. The sidekick stuttered. “Military stuff?”.
Shezow raised a disbelieving brow. “Okayyy.. whatever”. She nodded away from them to where her supercar was parked. “Let’s bounce, dude”.
Major Attitude sent the sidekick one last raised eyebrow, and wondered absentmindedly how long it would take for the inevitable to happen.
He should probably start placing bets with the other villains.
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4.
Leaning against his cop car, one officer Boxter Hamdon blew carefully on the cup of coffee in his hands, taking a small moment to relax after all of the commotion from earlier.
One of the few times Shezow and the Megadale police department had willingly cooperated on a case. It was messy- as always because the superheroine still didn’t seem to have complete control of her super strength- but the situation was handled with minimal injury and no one was particularly rushing to reignite the rivalry between the superhero and the police force. They’d worked out a truce…
Just for tonight, anyways.
Shezow in the distance was with her sidekick, taking and laughing, probably over something ridiculous. The girl seemed to have the same humor as his teenage son. Obnoxiously quoting random things from the internet that Boxter did not care to try to understand.
He watched as Shezow’s sidekick Made what seemed a corny joke based on his overdramatized stage wink. Shezow laughs, less of her usual snort and more of a girlish high pitched chuckle that makes Boxter cringe.
“Do I even want to know what that’s about?”. He muttered mostly to himself, startling slightly when Wackerman randomly appeared next to him, donuts in hand. He handed a sprinkled one to Boxter before turning to look at the sidekick and hero.
Wackerman sighed dreamily. “Ah, young love. Now that really takes me back”.
Boxter spluttered. “Young love? The hell are you talking about!”.
And then, coincidentally right in front of them Shezow giggled, honest to god, giggled- weird because Boxter was sure he’d never heard the heroine manage anything less than full on guffaws anytime she found something funny- and tucked a strand of her fluffy back hair behind her ear, beaming at her sidekick with fluttering eyelashes. Obviously trying to be flirtatious but it seemed her sidekicks was as oblivious as he a heroic, because all he did was laugh and shrug, seemingly changing the subject.
Shezow faltered for a moment, disheartened before huffing and relaxing back into her normal slouched posture.
Boxter wasn’t sure why he felt relieved about her temporarily resigned effort. Sure he aware that this new Shezow was young - hopefully older than people theorized - but still he certainly wasn’t ready for any of his own kids to date let alone one he worked with.
He paused for a moment as the revelation hit him, his uneaten donut slipping from his hand and hitting the floor. Their nearby K-9 unit, Sandy, wasted no time in scooping it up. Thankfully it wasn’t chocolate but Wackerman still made a lazy attempt to retrieve it from her, giving Boxter plenty of time to start spiraling.
Oh god.
When had he started thinking of Shezow as being one of his?! As someone he was responsible for?! Sure they weren’t super close, especially considered his well earned reputation for disliking her but..
As he thought on it harder, his reeling mind conjured the memories of this newer incarnation of the hero that had appeared after a few months of absence noticeably different than her predecessor.
Her looking at him for approval after doing something heroic. Of her voluntarily hovering specifically near him in particular during any rare collaboration her and the police- despite their incessant bickering.
Boxter remembered when he’d noticed her shivering on a chilly late night stakeout- that she had infiltrated on without permission-and he had begrudgingly offered his jacket to her because she was definitely freezing in that miniskirt and spandex.
He had even let her lean against him during one of her rare bouts of weakness, while her hair was an absolute mess and she could barely stand. And he had let her, partially held her up until her sidekick got back and took over, nervously fretting over his injured partner.
Oh god, he really was becoming a parental figure for a superhero.
Boxter groaned aloud, the sound mostly drowned by Wackerman’s shout of success as he pries what’s left of the donuts from Sandy’s teeth. She barks in protest, a few rainbow sprinkles scattered around her muzzle. Boxter absentmindedly brushes them away and downs a gulp of his coffee, swearing under his breath when he burns his tongue and swearing out loud when he drops his cup and spills coffee all over his shoes.
—
“What’s his problem?” Maz and Guy stood by watching the two officers fumble about, with bemused looks on their faces.
Guy brushed a pink strand of hair out of his eyes. Maz stood next to him, shoulder to shoulder, similarly eyeing the scene. “No idea. Grownups are so weird”.
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+1
Shiny white gogo boots dangling over the edge of the rooftop, Guy sat clicking his heels together & drumming his fingers on the rough brick beneath him as he waited. He didn’t need to wait long before the sound of echoing footsteps. He glanced over his shoulder, silky black hair swishing as he did so, and a smile immediately spread across his face. “Hey got the goods, dude?”.
Maz grinned right back at him, arms full of junk food. “Yep, the register guy saw who I was and gave me freebies!”.
He sat down on carefully next to Guy, balancing the food in his hands. Guy wasted no time in plucking a can of soda and a bag of chips out from the pile. “Pays to be the city heroes I guess. I’m starving!”. He popped the bag open and grabbed a handful of to stuff in his mouth.
Maz busied himself with trying to crack open a pack of cookies, and after a moment of fumbling, he succeeded, and took a flavorful bite of chocolate chip goodness. “Mmm”. He spoke around the food in his mouth. “I really needed that “.
Guy snorted. “You really needed Oreos?”
A solemn look crossed Maz’s face. “Desperately”.
They shared the serious stare for barely a few seconds before bursting into laughter. Wiping crumbs from his face, Maz reached for his own can of soda.
“Here, you missed a spot”. Guy’s voice drew Maz’s eyes away from his drink, and he looked up just in time to see a pink gloved hand stretched towards his face, as Guy casually brushed away a speck of cookie cream from his cheek.
His gaze darted from the pink glove in the corner of his eye, to the face of his clearly flustered best friend. “.. Did you get it?”. His voice is oddly soft.
”Mhmm”. Guy nodded, but his hand didn’t move. For a long moment, they looked at each until Guy startled and began drawing his hand back. “Got it. Yep. You’re totally more of a slob than I am, y'know-“.
Maz reached forward to grab Guy’s hand before the other could fully pull it away. “You didn’t get it”.
“..What?”. Guy asked, seeming genuinely confused.
Maz seemed flustered but he still repeated his words, pulling Guy’s hand back to his face. “You didn’t get it.. so like, keep trying”.
Guy faltered before he snorted, trying and failing to contain his laughter. “You are so corny”. He groaned, not sounding annoyed in the slightest, as he slid over to be sat closer to Maz. Close enough that their knees were pressed together, and that their shoes kept bumping into each other.
Maz chuckled, bumping his shoulder against Guy’s, melting into the touch of Guy’s hand caressed against his cheek. “Nah, you love it”.
Guy sighed, entirely too fondly, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear with his free hand. “Yeah, whatever. Just don’t go spreading it around”.
Their eyes met and Maz’s gaze trailed across his best friends face, smiling slightly at the spattering of freckles across his face that transferred over even when he was Shezow, eyes momentarily catching on the lone beauty mark on his cheek.
“Did I get it yet?”. Guy murmurs, the words no louder than a whisper, just barely able to be heard over the distant sounds of the city at night.
Maz’s nose scrunched up as he pretended to think for a moment before minutely shaking his head. “Mm, still no”.
Guy doesn’t even realize how far he’s leaned forward until he’s mere inches away from Maz’s face, and gazing into his dark brown eyes and-
“Ahem”.
The two boys startled apart, Guy ripping his hand away from Maz’s cheek as they immediately scooted away from each other, and Maz’s fumbling knocks over the rest of his pack of Oreos off the roofs ledge. They both watch as the package cookies go sailing down to the ground and Maz groans in disappointment at the same time Guy raises his hand up to speak into his ring.
“Sheila!? This better be good. What is it? She-emergency? Kelly in trouble? Megadale under attack?”. Guy hurriedly asked, silently praying that the disembodied computer wouldn’t comment on his bright red cheeks and embarrassed expression and how his shoulders are currently hiked up to his ears.
“Not at the moment”. The holographic pair of lips somehow managed a smug expression. “Just thought I’d take the moment to remind you that there’s multiple security cameras in the area located just a few coordinates away”.
When Guy didn’t answer, his face growing more pink by the second, Maz chuckled sheepishly, his blue domino mask not doing much to conceal own his blushing face, and took over answering. “That checks. We’ll uh.. keep that in mind”.
Sheila hummed in agreement, and despite having no eyes manages to send a look that wheedles Guy into a muttering. “Yeah yeah. We got it”.
Sheila’s hologram blinks away and Guy’s ring goes dark, the two are soon alone again- as technically alone as they can be considering there’s a supercomputer in his ring anyways. “Well, that was embarrassing”.
Maz shrugged. “Yeah, I don’t know what you were thinking. Have some self control man”.
Guy’s head shoots up from where he’d been scanning for the security camera in question and whipped to the side to glare at his now snickering sidekick. “Wha- dude! Oh, I know you’re not talking Mr. You-didn’t-get-it!”. He shoved his friend careful to do it lightly and not overdo it with his super strength and give him a similar fate as his now most certainly crumbled Oreos.
If Maz is flustered by the statement, the only sign of it is his still blushing cheeks. “I can’t help it that I’m so irresistibly smooth”. Barely able to not laugh at his own goofy joke.
“Why are there so many cameras in this city anyways!”. Guy scoffed, throwing up his hands in frustration. He’d really wanted to go in for that kiss.
“I’m just glad we got interrupted before blurry security camera footage of us macking ended up on the news”. Maz sighs in relief.
Guy groaned but did have to agree. “But this no-kissing-in-costume rule still sucks”.
Maz nodded in agreement, and there was a comfortable silence for a moment before the sidekick tilted his head and asked. “Wanna head home and play video games?”.
”Hell yeah”.
”You owe more Oreos”.
“Deal”.