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Kiyoi’s latest project does well
Shot ahead of schedule, it is able to be released earlier than expected, much to the excitement of every actor involved’s fans
That also means that promoting it has been bumped up earlier on their schedules as well, and as a main part of the cast, Kiyoi can’t avoid it, no matter how terribly he wishes that he could
He’s slowly getting better, with Hira by his side and guiding him through, but his nights are still too frequently plagued with memories of a time where he believed that he had lost the most important thing in his life, right in front of his eyes
The wounds are still too fresh, when someone decides to prod at them
It’s during an interview with the cast, mixing questions about their lives with those of their profession. ‘How did you get into character for your latest role?’, ‘What is a fond memory for you that this project brings to the surface?’
“Kiyoi. How have you handled being back in the spotlight so soon after your kidnapping?”
Kiyoi knew, of course, that his kidnapping wasn’t going to go completely unnoticed. Not only because of how involved Anna was in the entire situation, but also because Kiyoi has his own fans. He’d seen the tabloids, the articles, the posts made by said fans
He’d seen the kinder ones that wished him well in healing from the entire ordeal, and the nastier ones that wanted to point blame towards the innocent parties involved, like Anna, since the perpetrator was one of her own ‘fans’
He’d even seen a post about Hira — Kiyoi Sou’s mysterious fan comes to his rescue? Who is he, and how has he gotten so close to the actor?
Doesn’t he work with the photographer Noguchi?
I heard that Kiyoi visited him at the hospital after the kidnapping
He has an account on here, doesn’t he? Do you think we could get him to talk?
Hira had nearly had a meltdown at that; at people knowing about him and Kiyoi, even if it didn’t seem that they had put the dots together just yet about them being partners
Kiyoi knew that his kidnapping was going to be talked about for awhile, but he never imagined to be asked about it during an interview. Let alone a live one, and the question visibly shocks him for a moment
The stranger’s body is shaking as he grabs something from his pocket, Kiyoi’s eyes widening a little as they land on the knife, watching as he locks it with trembling hands. “Stop looking at me like that!” He snaps, rushing forwards with the knife raised, and Kiyoi turns away, bracing for the attack-
One of his coworkers — bless them, they have all been so kind to him and have tried their hardest to make his first project since the kidnapping as comfortable as possible — quickly steps in when Kiyoi can’t quite find the words to answer the interviewer’s question
“Kiyoi-Kun has fallen easily back into the rhythm of our work. He seems even more passionate, I must say” Asuka, the oldest of the cast and the self appointed mother figure between them. She’s been the most attentive to Kiyoi; frequently checking in on him and asking if there is anything that he needs
She had even let him rant one time about how much he had missed Hira, after a particularly bad nightmare he had had while napping between scenes — luckily no one had seen it. That would have been mortifying
He’s the youngest of the cast, and if any of them had seen how he had woken up crying and unable to breathe, then they would have absolutely smothered him
The interviewer doesn’t seem to accept the answer, or to take the hint to move on to a different question, because he presses on. “It must have been scary to be attacked like that by a coworker’s fan. It was one of your fans that came to your rescue, wasn’t it? Can you tell me about that?”
He runs out to where the thud had come from, and it feels like his blood freezes inside his veins as he sees Hira slumped on the ground against one of the wooden pallets…bleeding
His hand feels warm where the blood coats it as he holds onto Hira, sobbing his name over and over again
Kiyoi feels numb as he sits beside Hira’s bed-
Kiyoi can’t help but flinch away as Atsushi, who is sitting in the chair behind him, subtly reaches out to rest a hand on his back in an attempt to provide support
His hand burns where it is gripping his microphone with whitened knuckles. The same hand that had covered in blood back in that warehouse
There’s a knife lodged into his stomach and Kiyoi drops to his knees at his side, hands shaking as they cover in blood-
“I’m sorry. Hira Kazunari is dead”
Kiyoi inhales sharply, but the breath gets stuck in his throat as he abruptly shoots up out of his chair
Hira. He needs- He needs Hira. He needs to see him. He needs to feel him, to know that he is alive-
“Hira Kazunari is dead”
Atsushi reaches for him once more, this time grabbing his arm to help steady him as he sways, his legs threatening to give out under his weight. He can’t breathe, and his entire body is shaking with the force of his panic
Hira. Where is Hira? He should be here, at Kiyoi’s side, ready to comfort him, just as always
Where is he?
“Kazunari is dead”
“Kiyoi?” Asuka is in front of him now, reaching out in an attempt to help steady him as he continues to sway on his feet, almost collapsing when he tries to take a step forwards, tries to go and find Hira. “Kiyoi, you’re okay. Just tell us what you need”
Hira wasn’t allowed to come with him into the room that the interview was being conducted in, even though Kiyoi’s manager had offered to let him take his own place, trusting Hira to protect Kiyoi, too, after everything that had happened
Did Hira know that Kiyoi needed him right now? Did he know what was happening in the interview?
“Kiyoi. What do you need? How can we help?” Atsushi is beside him now, careful to make sure that his and Asuka’s combined presence doesn’t make him feel trapped. His questions take too long to register as Kiyoi’s panic continues to rise, up and up-
“Hira Kazunari is dead”
“Hira-” It comes out as a choked off, broken sounding gasp, the air quickly leaving Kiyoi’s lungs and making him feel as if he were being suffocated
Pinpricks of pain spark against his skin; his left and right temples, and his right shoulder, down his arm-
He feels restricted, restrained-
“It’s okay, Kiyoi. You’re okay” Asuka whispers, and Kiyoi can barely process that she is turning to talk to someone, or that someone else has even joined them- “Come on, Kiyoi. You’re okay. Let’s go and see Hira, hm?”
Hira? See Hira?
Hira Kazunari is dead-
Asuka is carefully pulling on his hand where it holds onto one of her own, and Atsushi is gently pushing on his back in an attempt to urge him forwards, Kiyoi’s legs responding on their own to the directions. “There you go. You’re okay, Kiyoi” Atsushi whispers
It doesn’t feel like he is okay. It feels like he is back in that warehouse, at that stranger’s mercy and terrified of having a piece of himself get ripped out and disappear forever, right in front of his eyes, helpless to stop it
He tries to get Hira to follow him, but he just pushes Kiyoi away again
There’s a knife lodged into his stomach
Everything snapped back into razor sharp focus as he heard the doctor call his name, quickly rushing over as his skin buzzed
“I’m sorry. Hira Kazunari is dead”-
Kiyoi doesn’t know where he’s being led, aimlessly following his co-workers’ leads down the seemingly endless halls of the interview building. “Let’s go and see Hira”
“Hira Kazunari is dead”
Kiyoi’s hand is covered in blood, his skin burning under the crimson liquid, forcing him to pull it from Asuka’s own in an attempt to not stain her, too
She turns to look at him as his actions force the three of them to a stop, and Atsushi lightly presses on his back once more in an attempt to keep him moving forwards
Kiyoi can’t find any words to answer their questioning, worried stares. Don’t they know? Hira is gone. He isn’t going to be wherever they are leading him. His blood is proof on Kiyoi’s hands, and he stares at the sticky coating, the last piece of Hira that he has left
The stranger had won
He had taken everything away from Kiyoi that had mattered, because who is he if he doesn’t have Hira? His greatest fan, fiercest defender, his home. Everything feels pointless without him here. What is the point of acting if he doesn’t have Hira to cheer him on? If he doesn’t have that heavy, powerful gaze trained on him, the best drug that he can think of, pushing him to be the best just to feel it more, always in need of more
What is the point of living if Hira isn’t? Kiyoi almost can’t remember the time before Hira, and he had never wanted to experience one after him-
“Kiyoi?” Asuka asks, and she’s taken Kiyoi’s opposite hand now, the one that is free of blood. “Come on” She urges, and Atsushi presses his palm a little heavier against his back, but Kiyoi can’t bring himself to move, because wherever they are leading him, Hira isn’t going to be there
“Hira Kazunari is dead” and it is all his fault
If he had paid more attention to his surroundings, then he never would have been taken, and Hira wouldn’t have had to come and save him. Then he wouldn’t have gotten stabbed, taking the blade in Kiyoi’s stead
Or if he had never even fought with Hira in the first place, then there would never have been a reason for him to be there, by the water. He knew how Hira thought, and when it came down to it, Kiyoi knew it would never have changed, no matter how many times he yelled
He still tried. God, did he try. And it was all a waste of time. Time that could have been better spent. Time that he can no longer get back
Hira Kazunari is dead-
“Sou?”
Kiyoi’s breath hitches as hands come up to cup his cheeks, touch so familiar that it might as well be a part of him — that it already is
The voice is soft, and there is only one person that calls him this, only one person who is allowed-
“Kazu” He breathes back, and he doesn’t quite know when he shut his eyes, but when he opens them again, he isn’t in the halls anymore. He’s in the dressing room he had been given to prepare for the interview
The lights have been dimmed, and Asuka and Atsushi are no longer with him. He vaguely wonders where they went, and how he got here-
“Sou?”
Kiyoi gasps as his eyes widen and immediately lock onto Hira, attracted to him like a magnet. “Kazu!” It’s more desperate this time, as Kiyoi scrambles to get his hands on the other male, needing to make sure that he is really there-
“Sh. It’s okay, Sou” Hira whispers as Kiyoi gasps for air and grips at his wrist with one hand, the other resting heavily on his chest, directly over where his heart is beating. “It’s okay, Sou. I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re okay. I’m right here, just breathe. I’m not going anywhere, I promise”
Hira has moved to rest his forehead against Kiyoi’s own, and his reassurances are whispered against his lips as a result, Kiyoi surging forwards as he’s hit with the sudden need to feel them against his own, to taste them — to feel Hira, to taste Hira
Hira lets out a soft hum as he melts into the kiss, Kiyoi sighing contentedly against his lips as Hira presses him against the wall. Like this, he’s completely surrounded, encompassed by Hira, protected from anything that could even think to try and harm him
He feels small, vulnerable
He feels safe
Kiyoi is panting softly as Hira pulls back from their kiss, but it’s a far cry from the gasps for air of earlier, so Hira keeps quiet about it. “Can you tell me what happened, Sou?”
Kiyoi’s grip on his wrist tightens a little, and the tips of his fingers dig into his chest with the slightest bit more pressure, but Hira doesn’t react, doesn’t stop him, lets him take as much comfort as he needs, however he needs
“He- He asked-” Kiyoi squeezes his eyes shut and leans his head back against the wall, breathing a little easier as Hira presses closer. “He asked about- about the kidnapping. About you, after”
For a moment, Hira is blinded by rage at someone causing this much distress to his Sou. Then, he’s confused about what Kiyoi means when he says that he was asked about Hira, after the kidnapping-
Oh… Oh
Oh, no
“Look at me?” Hira whispers, and for a moment, Kiyoi refuses, because he is terrified that this is all just some sick joke, and when he opens his eyes, Hira will be gone. “Sou. Baby. Please, look at me?”
Kiyoi’s breath hitches again, before quickly escaping him as his eyes meet Hira’s own. They’re intense; filled with that familiar, protective instinct that always rears its head when that part of Hira decides that Kiyoi has been wronged, has been hurt
There is also a soft, just as familiar love there that eases the tightness in Kiyoi’s chest just a little more; tender and fond in a way that never fails to make him ache
“There you are. I’m right here, see?” Hira gently covers Kiyoi’s hand with his own and presses it a little firmer against his chest, purposefully taking an exaggerated deep breath and smiling as Kiyoi subconsciously takes a matching one of his own
It’s been a while since Kiyoi got so deep in the memories of that time that they started to warp his sense of reality and make him believe that Shitara had actually killed Hira. It’s only happened one other time between now, and when Hira found out about his nightmares when he returned home from filming
It never gets any easier to see just how petrified it makes Kiyoi when he thinks that he has lost Hira, even when he’s right in front of him. It never gets any less painful for Hira to watch him breakdown as he struggles to bring Kiyoi back to him, and then has to watch him crumble again, this time under the relief of it being nothing but a dream
This is the first time that Kiyoi has been reduced to that terror while awake, though, and when Kiyoi’s manager had come to get Hira and tell him that Kiyoi urgently needed him, but that they couldn’t get him down the hall to the dressing room, Hira had felt a margin of that same panic, and felt like he was dying under it
It got worse when he finally reached Kiyoi and found him practically unresponsive, even as his co-workers tried to coerce him into continuing forwards. Hira ended up having to send them off, and then pick Kiyoi up to get him inside the room
If it had felt that terrible for him to go through even a fraction of that feeling, how bad was it for Kiyoi?
The thought makes Hira’s stomach churn, especially because he knows that there is nothing he can do to prevent it from happening, not really
“Kazu?” Kiyoi whispers, sounding so scared that it immediately snaps Hira out of his thoughts
“Sh, I’m right here. I’m not leaving” He whispers back, carefully guiding the both of them over to the couch in the corner of the room, easily letting Kiyoi climb into his lap as soon as he sits down. Kiyoi curls into his side, forcing himself into a small enough ball that he can rest his ear on Hira’s chest, right where his heart is beating
It’s always a shock to Hira to see Kiyoi be this vulnerable so openly, and it’s even more of a shock to see it now, in a relatively public place
“I saw-” Kiyoi cuts himself off with a sharp breath, and Hira reaches up to card his hand through the other male’s hair, waiting until he relaxes against him again to give him an encouraging hum. “I saw blood on my hand, in the hall. I felt it, Kazu. It felt so real”
Hira’s brows furrow as he looks down at Kiyoi in concern, scanning him for any signs of injuries, just in case. He doesn’t find anything, not even a single sign of blood, which means that this is a lot worse than Hira originally thought, Kiyoi hallucinating from his distress
Hira carefully takes one of his hands and brings it down to his side, letting Kiyoi slip it under his shirt and run it over his skin; smooth, unmarred by the scar that would be there if Hira had been stabbed, warm but dry, no sign of blood
Kiyoi lets out a heavy breath of relief and finally relaxes fully against Hira, his eyes slipping closed as exhaustion starts to catch up to him. Nobody ever warns you how much energy panic attacks zap away-
“Hira” Kiyoi’s manager whispers from the doorway, and Hira quickly wraps his arms around Kiyoi protectively at the sudden new presence, before settling down a little as he realizes who it was. “Take him home. The interview is going to be rescheduled, with a new host”