Work Text:
My friends call me a loser
Cause I’m still hanging around
“You still banging Rose?”
“Jesus, Linds. Crude much?” Emily rolls her eyes at her friend, not at all wanting to talk about this so early in the morning.
All of them had flocked to Sam’s a few weeks after her retirement announcement, mostly to celebrate her career, but Emily knows how sad everyone is. Emily knows that Sam’s early retirement had put a perspective on their own careers that no one wanted to fully think about.
Lindsey, Mal, Sam, and herself were all at a brunch spot a few blocks from their hotel. Lindsey had been scolding Emily for the three mimosas she’d already had, everyone just rolling their eyes at their friend good-naturedly, knowing out of all of them Lindsey probably follows the off-season diet closer than any of them ever had.
Rose wasn’t here yet, her flight from Cincinnati leaving in the late afternoon instead of early morning like the rest of them.
Emily and Rose had started a “no strings attached” deal a few months into Emily’s first (and last) season with the Reign. In front of their teammates and the general public, they were Emily and Rose: comedic duo who bully each other just as much as they bully everyone else. But when they were alone in the dark, just the two of them, Emily was trying (and failing) to convince herself she had not fallen in love with Rose only a few months into their arrangement.
Rose had made it a point that there were no strings, that there couldn’t be strings. And if Rose were to find out Emily has been breaking her one rule for the better part of a year, Emily would lose her completely.
Rose has never actually said the words if you catch feelings I’m never speaking to you again, but Emily doesn’t want to take that chance. Rose is her best friend, her favorite person in the world. Emily really thought she was gonna blow it when she asked Rose to come to Gotham with her, but surprisingly Rose was all for it. In fact, she didn’t ask Emily a single question as to why Emily wanted her to come with.
Lindsey figured out what was happening almost immediately, calling Emily after a video the league posted that showed Emily following Rose around the field after a game like a lost puppy with stars in its eyes. Lindsey had called her stupid then, citing that she knows Emily isn’t going to keep it no strings for long (little does she know, Emily was already head over heels well before that video).
Sam found out when Lindsey called her soon after that, her being more supportive of Emily just telling Rose how she feels, confident it’ll all work out in the end. Most of the time, Sam’s never ending optimism helps Emily feel better about herself or her situation, and usually, Sam is right and it all does work out in the end. But Emily, for the first time in the entire time she’s known Sam, doubts her optimism.
As for Mal, she’s aware something is happening between them, but is relatively indifferent to the whole thing. Emily can't really blame her for it, she’s focused on getting back into the fold of the national team, and she got married not too long ago so Mal has other priorities that don’t concern Emily’s tumultuous love life. Not that she doesn’t care, but she’s in the same boat as Sam where her only advice is to tell Rose how she feels, and that is absolutely not an option.
“You didn’t answer the question,” Lindsey rolls her eyes, sipping the glass of water she got instead of a mimosa, citing unnecessary cals or whatever.
“Guys, leave her alone,” Sam speaks, holding her hands over the table like she's afraid someone’s gonna lunge over it.
“Thank you, Sammy.” Emily crosses her arms over her chest, sticking her tongue out at Lindsey who just rolls her eyes at her.
Sam puts a hand on her shoulder, giving a light squeeze as her eyes flick from Emily to the rest of the table. “Yeah, I mean, if Emily wants to keep being a loser by not telling Rose, so be it.”
Emily’s nodding her head in agreement, until Sam gets to the last part. “Wha- Hey!” Emily shrugs Sam’s hand off her shoulder, “come on, not you too!”
***
Dumb love, I love being stupid
Dream of us in a year
Rose’s flight had gotten in late that night, her knocking on Emily’s hotel room door looking disheveled, her hair in a bun that probably looked a lot better in Cincinnati, and wearing sweatpants and a hoodie that upon closer inspection, belonged to Emily .
The observation makes Emily flush as she ushers Rose into the room, taking her bag and putting it next to hers under the window.
As soon as Emily turns around, Rose is wrapping her arms around her, shoving her cold nose into Emily’s neck. She lets out a sigh quiet enough that Emily doesn’t think Rose expected her to hear.
Emily feels the tips of her ears turn red as she wraps her arms around Rose’s shoulders to return the hug, pulling her impossibly closer as she rests her cheek against Rose’s head.
This is the perfect moment , the thought flies across her mind so quickly Emily is surprised she was able to latch onto it. No, not now.
Rose must not notice the war Emily is having with herself in her mind, because she plants a quick kiss on Emily’s cheek and says what Emily thinks is I’m gonna shower, but Emily is too busy trying to burn the feeling of Rose’s lips against her cheek into her memory, in case it might be the last time she feels it.
===
Emily had booked a room with only one bed, not thinking about the fact Rose might not even book her own room and just bunk with Emily for the extended visit.
She’s sitting on the bed, on top of the covers, in case Rose doesn’t want her to sleep in the bed with her. If Rose asked, she’d take the floor for the whole trip, and wouldn’t complain about the knot in her back not even once if it meant Rose would be the first thing she saw when she woke up.
Rose coming out of the bathroom breaks Emily out of her thoughts, and she chokes on nothing when she sees Rose is still in just a towel, the expanse of her legs on full display.
It’s not like Emily has never seen Rose in a towel before, sharing locker rooms and hotel rooms with someone for nearly a decade will break down any walls you have about modesty real quick, but Rose in any state of undress never fails to bring Emily to her knees.
She hears Rose speak, but she was too preoccupied by the thought of if Rose would let her touch her tonight to hear a single word.
Emily blinks, finally tearing her eyes off Rose’s legs. “I’m sorry, what’d you say?”
Rose smirks, adjusts her towel enough for Emily’s eyes to snap to where she’s holding it to her body, “see anything you like?”
Emily feels her face heat up, embarrassed she was caught. “No! I mean…” she clears her throat, suddenly at a loss for words. “Yes..?”
Rose laughs, but it’s not the kind of laugh where she’s making fun of Emily, it’s the laugh that means she thinks Emily is being cute. “I’m gonna get dressed, then we can finally go to bed.”
Emily can’t do anything except nod dumbly, unable to form a coherent sentence that won’t reveal every feeling she’s been hiding from Rose since this arrangement started.
===
Rose comes out of the bathroom not long after, in a thin t-shirt and shorts that put so much skin on display it drives Emily a little (a lot) crazy. She walks to the other side of the bed, peeling the covers back and sliding under. She lays on her side to face Emily, eyes immediately finding hers, and looks at Emily like she’s trying to read her mind.
Emily pushes herself up off the bed, unable to stomach Rose’s probing stare any longer, and reaches to grab one of the pillows to make her spot on the floor when Rose shoots her hand out and wraps her fingers around Emily’s wrist, immediately stopping her movements.
“What are you doing?”
Emily swallows, Rose’s full attention on her when they’re alone like this makes her nervous. “I was gonna sleep on the floor,” her voice is pinched, coming out higher than usual.
Rose rolls her eyes and tugs on Emily’s arm until she’s kneeling on the bed, “get in the bed, loser. It’s not like we haven’t slept together before.”
Emily knows didn’t mean it like that , but it still makes her ears turn pink. Instead of opening her mouth just to embarrass herself even more than she already has, Emily relents and climbs under the covers and settles next to Rose, leaving a few inches of space between them for her own sanity.
Rose huffs as she scoots closer to Emily, throwing one of her legs across her waist and resting her head on her shoulder. The feeling of Rose’s fingertips tracing lazy patterns against her ribs makes her want to run away, the entire moment feeling more domestic than they’ve ever been with each other.
Emily wants to be closer, wants to crawl underneath Rose’s skin and live between her ribs to hear the way Rose’s heart beats, she wants to know if it beats as fast as Emily’s does whenever she’s near Rose.
The darkness of the hotel room gives Emily’s thoughts room to wander. She tries to remember what the turning point for her was, when exactly her love for Rose took a turn towards more than the rudimentary love you have for a friend.
Her first thought is the night of the draft in 2017, when she heard Rose’s name called first overall on the grainy stream she still has no idea how she managed to find, she yelled so loud and ran around her apartment in Portland for so long that her neighbors threatened to file a noise complaint. Lindsey had looked at her weirdly after that night, like she was piecing things together from the limited interactions the three of them had.
At the time, Emily had no idea what she was talking about when Lindsey asked if she had a crush on Rose. The thought hadn’t even occurred to her prior to that night. Sure, she thought Rose was pretty and really good at soccer, but she thought those same things about Lindsey.
Emily bolts upright at the thought; she thought the same about Lindsey, and look how that turned out.
Emily has always loved Rose, but at first, she mistook it for curiosity. Now though, she knows what it is.
Emily Sonnett has been in love with Rose Lavelle for a long, long time.
***
Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house in Long Beach
Is it casual now?
This might be the worst idea Emily has ever had.
Okay, maybe not. She’s had a lot of bad ideas since college, but this one is pretty far up the list.
Rose had mentioned in passing that her parents miss her, not having seen her in forever, so Emily had the bright idea to suggest that she come back to Ohio with Rose for Christmas.
Rose looked surprised at the thought, and Emily was about to backtrack and try and play it off as a joke when Rose said her parents would love that.
So after Emily told her parents she’d be with Rose’s family for the holidays (her mom gave her a look that was reminiscent of the look Lindsey gives her when she’s being stupid), they booked their flights to Ohio and landed a few days before Christmas Eve.
The flight was uneventful, Emily slept the whole way from takeoff in Newark to right before they landed in Cincinnati, and Rose read a book she hadn’t had the time to crack open yet. Rose’s parents had offered to pick them up from the airport, dismissing them easily when Rose said they could just take an Uber.
Emily has both her and Rose’s backpacks slung over her shoulders, along with pulling her and Rose’s suitcases behind her as Rose scans the area to see if she can spot her parents in the large crowd.
Her parents must spot them first, Rose and Emily both turn when a loud and clear “ Rosemary!” cuts through the din of the airport from behind them.
Emily sees Rose’s ears turn pink at her dad’s use of her full name, and Emily can’t help the small smile that inches its way across her lips at the sight of Rose’s parents squishing her in a hug between the two of them.
“Is that you, Emily? Get over here!” Rose’s mom, Janet, waves her over to join the hug. Emily laughs as she drops their bags near the huddle and throws her arms around Janet and Marty, squishing Rose even more in the process.
The hug eventually breaks apart, Rose’s mom fussing over her, asking if she’s been eating enough and getting good sleep. Emily is talking to Marty about their flight when Janet asks Rose a question that snaps her attention to them.
“ Is Emily taking good care of you?”
Emily’s train of thought is immediately derailed, and her face along with Rose’s flushes a deep red.
Emily is waiting with bated breath as she waits for Rose’s answer, wondering if this will be the moment that Rose defines them as casual, or if she’ll admit to them being more.
Rose’s eyes catch hers for a split second before they’re back on her mom, Emily can tell the question made her uncomfortable; grasping at straws in her mind for an answer that’ll satisfy her mom.
“Of course she is. Emily is my best friend.”
Emily’s heart feels like it's stopped, and she briefly wonders if this is what cardiac arrest feels like. She tries her best to hide her disappointed expression from Rose, turning to Marty and asking him questions about their drive here, acting like she didn’t hear Rose’s answer.
She does catch the look Janet gives Rose out of the corner of her eye, a mix between disappointment and skepticism, and Emily has half a mind to wonder if Rose’s mom knows more than she’s let on.
In that moment Emily thanks god for Marty, who cuts through the tension easily with- “Alright hun, leave ‘em alone. We better get going if we wanna beat most of the traffic.”
Janet lets out a surprised “oh! You’re right!” before she’s herding Rose and Emily towards the exit of the airport, Emily scrambles to grab all of her and Rose’s stuff to keep up with the pack.
The entire way to Rose’s parents’ house, Rose doesn’t look at Emily once. Emily can tell she’s pretending to be absorbed with the landscape passing outside of the windows; she knows Rose has seen this same scene millions of times by now and can probably point out exactly where they are in their journey with her eyes closed.
It makes Emily debate in her head if she should fake a family emergency the next morning and hop on the next plane to Georgia. I need to call Emma, she thinks.
===
When they arrive at Rose’s childhood home, Janet shoos them both upstairs to wash up and put their stuff away in Rose’s old room, promising a quick lunch for them by the time they come downstairs.
Emily, still carrying all of their bags, leads the charge up the stairs and down the hall to Rose’s room. This isn’t the first time she’s seen it, having visited with Rose on many different occasions, but every time she walks in this room it gives her an insight to a younger Rose she never had the privilege of knowing.
All over the walls are posters of players who were part of the squad that won the 1999 World Cup; Mia Hamm, Kristine Lilly, Julie Foudy, and a few were pictures of the full squad, with and without their medals. There’s a shelf in a corner of the room with all of Rose’s soccer trophies from when she was a kid, some were participation trophies from peewee, others said things like Season MVP, and even more were commemorating records Rose had broken in high school.
Then, of course, were bookshelves filled with the books Rose wasn’t able to take with her when she moved out of her parent's house for the first time after she was drafted to Boston. Emily knows how much Rose wishes she could have them with her, knows that a lot of these books were Rose’s escape from the outside world when she was younger, constantly having people in her ear talking about all the potential she had to go all the way. Emily knows Rose didn’t believe them back then, and she can’t help but wonder if Rose still feels the same.
Emily must’ve been standing still for a long time, cause next thing she knows Rose is shouldering past her in the doorway, not sparing a word or even a glance.
Emily swallows the lump in her throat and follows Rose into the room, setting their backpacks on the bed and pushing their suitcases over by the dresser that’s nearly as old as Rose herself.
Emily is quietly arranging her things for the next two weeks when Rose finally breaks.
“Are you mad at me?”
Rose’s voice startles her more than it should, making her jolt in surprise at the edge in her tone. “Why would I be mad at you?”
It’s clearly the wrong thing to say, because she hears Rose huff in annoyance and just knows she’s rolling her eyes. “You tell me,” her voice has a defensive tone to it, like she’s waiting for Emily to argue with her. “You’ve been weird since we landed at the airport.”
Emily feels like she’s losing ground in an argument she wasn’t aware was coming until now, and it makes her panic enough to continue putting her foot in her mouth. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
That just pisses Rose off even more, and Emily thinks to herself that she wishes she would know when to let go.
“Fine, whatever. But you need to get your shit together before my parents start asking questions, that’s the last thing I want to deal with right now.” It cuts through Emily like a knife, she doesn’t think Rose has ever spoken to her like this.
All Emily can manage to do is nod, breaking her eyes away from Rose in an attempt to stop herself from crying, or saying something stupid.
“ Rose! Emily! Lunch is ready!”
Rose rips the door open and goes downstairs without another word, not looking back even once to check if Emily is following her.
Emily has the thought to call her sister again, hoping that Emma will at the very least not call her stupid like Lindsey has been doing since this whole thing started.
===
Emily does call her sister that night after her and Rose eat dinner with her parents, but it goes to voicemail. Instead of leaving one, she sends a flurry of texts.
Emily:
SOS
Emma:
????
I don’t have bail money, so don’t waste your phone call on me
Emily:
omg ur so hilarious u should be a comedian
Emma:
It’s about time you accept I'm the funny twin
Seriously though, what’s up?
Emily:
so you know how im in love with rose right?
Emma:
Actually I had no idea, is she the one you never shut up about and who you’re constantly following around like a lost puppy?
Emily:
if i wanted someone to be mean to me about this i would’ve called lindsey
Emma:
Okay, my bad. Yes, I know you’ve been head over heels for Rose since you were 22
Emily:
im just gonna ignore that dig before i hop on a plane and come beat u up
she’s been acting super weird. like her parents picked us up from the airport and her mom asked if i was taking good care of her, and she just froze
then she called me her best friend
Emma:
I’m just gonna ignore the fact you aren't coming home for Christmas or new years and I had to find out from mom
But aren’t you her best friend?? I don’t see the problem
Emily:
that’s not the point!
we’ve had a no strings attached thing going for a while
and i’ve fucked up majorly because i want this to be real, and i dont think she wants the same
Emma:
Have you given her the chance to tell you what she wants?
Emily:
if she feels the same it doesn’t seem like it. she literally said i was her best friend, you don’t say that about someone you’re banging if you want it to be serious
Emma:
Okay first of all, ew
But I think you actually need to sit down and talk to her about this. I know you’re afraid of losing her, but who knows, she might surprise you
Emily:
you sound like sam
Emma:
You should listen to us, we’re usually right
Emily huffs at her sister's text, annoyed at how rational Emma is being about all of this. She shoves her phone back in her sweatpants pocket, leaning back in the chair on the front porch she’s been sitting in for a while now.
She hears the front door open, and when Rose sticks her head out Emily freezes.
Rose looks nervous, like she’s afraid of scaring Emily away. “Can we talk?” Her voice sounds small, a complete 180 from the Rose that was with her earlier in the bedroom. All sharp edges gone, replaced by insecurity that she rarely shows to anyone except for Emily.
Emily feels her phone buzz in her pocket, she pulls it out and sees another text from Emma.
Emma:
I love you, Emmy. Now tell her how you feel
She hearts the message and shoves her phone back in her pocket. She knows Emma is right (and technically Sam), she should just talk to Rose about how she feels, but the mere thought of not having Rose in her life anymore makes her want to throw up.
Rose really is her best friend, not like Lindsey was in Portland, or Kelley in DC. The only thing Rose has wanted from Emily is for her to be herself, and the freedom to be that with Emily as well.
There are two things that Emily Sonnett is absolutely certain of in her life.
The first one is Emily knows she could love Rose better than anyone else could. She’d need more than her own two hands to count how many times she’s almost told her that, but in the end, it was never the right time. Is there ever going to be a right time?
The second one is that she has been to too much church to ever trust her own words. Emily had spent countless hours in the confessional booth as a kid, asking the priest to tell her she was still good after she broke her mom’s favorite vase and blamed it on Emma. The priest had asked her what God is telling her, and in return, Emily had asked why God is so quiet.
Sometimes, Emily fears all her time in church as a kid has led her to believe any love she could give wouldn’t be enough, that any love she could offer to Rose would never be enough.
This is a conversation her and Kelley have had many times, Kelley knowing better than anyone why she thinks the way she does. Kelley has told her that the love and the light she holds within her heart did not come from God, but that it’s been there well before she ever understood the concept of God or religion.
Kelley has told her that as long as she loves with everything in her, and gives everything she has to offer out of the goodness of her heart, it will be enough for the right person.
Emily wants Rose to be the right person.
When Emily finally looks at Rose, still standing half inside the doorway, looking at her so earnestly it nearly makes Emily forget their argument earlier.
“Of course we can talk,” Emily sits up from her slouched position, and hopes Rose can recognize the look in her eyes for what it is: love.
Rose steps out of the doorway and onto the porch, having relaxed slightly at Emily’s tone. “Can I sit?”
Emily nods, watching as Rose drops down in the deck chair next to hers and brings her knees up to her chest, looking at Emily like she didn’t think she’d get this far.
For a moment, they’re just sitting in each others silence. Emily waiting for Rose to speak, and Rose waiting for Emily to change her mind.
“I’m sorry for how I acted when we first got here, I don’t know what happened or why I lashed out,” Rose rushes out. Emily can hear the edge of panic in her voice, and notices the tears forming at the corner of her eyes.
Emily’s about to speak, but Rose apparently has more to say because before Emily can even open her mouth she speaks again.
“My mom’s question just threw me for a loop and I panicked, I had no idea what to say and I just said the first thing that popped into my mind, and-” Rose breathes in deeply, furiously wiping at her eyes to stop the tears from flowing.
Emily reaches out to touch her, grabbing Rose’s hand and sandwiching it between her own hands, using her thumb to rub small circles over Rose’s knuckles.
“You drive me crazy, Emily.”
Emily’s movements immediately stop, and she feels her breath catch in her throat. She sees Rose’s face turn red at the admission, and she can’t help the thought that Rose is beautiful.
“But you said no strings,” Emily says, her voice scratchy and raw from trying to swallow the lump in her throat and keep her own tears at bay.
Rose’s face scrunches up, and the tears that she’s been trying so hard to hold back finally break away. “I know, and I’m sorry, I know you never wanted this but there has always been strings, and I-”
Emily bolts upright in her seat, and she can’t help the incredulous laugh that escapes her, she feels lightheaded. She must be dreaming.
Rose sends her a murderous glare when she laughs, but Emily just squeezes her hand harder. “You think I don’t want this?”
Rose is at a loss for words apparently, as the only thing that escapes her mouth is a strangled sound that Emily can only interpret as yes?
“Rosie, there’s been strings for me this entire time,” she says, her voice a murmur so quiet Rose isn’t sure she heard her correctly.
Emily picks up on Rose’s skepticism right away, “you can ask Lindsey, or Sam, or hell, even my sister.” She feels joy begin to creep its way into her voice, a smile beginning to stretch its way across her lips.
Rose uses the hand that isn’t between Emily’s to wipe her eyes, looking sheepishly at Emily like she’s embarrassed. “What exactly are you saying, Em?”
“I’m trying to tell you I love you, dammit,”
The next person that speaks isn’t either of them, it’s actually- “Marty, you owe me twenty dollars!”
“Dammit! Why didn’t you beat her to the punch, Rose?”
Rose and Emily both turn towards the window behind them that looks into the living room, seeing both of Rose’s parents huddled near the windowsill. They’ve been listening this entire time.
Emily lets out a boisterous laugh, shaking her head at Rose’s parents as Rose looks at them absolutely mortified.
“Oh my god, you guys leave us alone!” Rose whines, covering her face in embarrassment as her parents laugh along with Emily.
Janet congratulates them on finally admitting their feelings as Marty is grumbling something along the lines of knew I shouldn’t have taken the bet.
Rose turns to face Emily when her parents are out of earshot, looking at her like are you sure you want this?
Emily looks at her, nothing but love and adoration in her eyes, hopefully conveying yes, I’m sure. I’ve wanted you for so long, please want me too.
“I love you,” Rose says softly, almost like she’s afraid none of this is real, like she’s going to wake up any second.
Emily brings Rose’s hand up to her mouth, planting a few small kisses across her knuckles, smiling as Rose giggles at her actions.
“I love you, Rosie."