Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Main Chat

04:12am

kwazii: GUYS HELP

kwazii: @Everyone

kwazii: I THINKK I A CIDENTILLY BROKE MY LEG IM IN SO MICH PAIN RIGHT NOQ HWLP

tweak: its 4am this better be good

tweak: MF WHAT????

tweak: you are so stupid istg what dumb bs were you doing

peso: Oh dear

peso: Should I sound the alert or not??

dashi: The duality of man lmaooo 😭

kwazii: so glad someone actually cares for me smh :/

tweak: @peso nah don’t wake everyone up bc of kwazii’s srupidity

tweak: kwazii where are you

kwazii: the launch bay..

tweak: i’m actually tweaking why the actual fuck are you in the launch bay at 4 in the morning????

kwazii: i wanted to go for a late night drive okay 😕

peso: Omw

kwazii: thank you peso 😭 so glad SOMEONE is concerned about me unlike some people (dashi and tweak)

tweak: peso is better than me i would’ve let you perish lmfaooo

kwazii: 😔

dashi: I only just woke up okay Ill help u if u need me to

tweak: dw im already there

dashi: Please provide commentary Im lowkey invested in kwaziis newest antics

tweak: ofc 🙏🙏

tweak: alr i just arrived

tweak: HOW DO YOU MANAGE THAT WTF 😭😭😭

tweak: im actually flabbergasted

tweak: HIS LEG IS LITERALLY BENT BACKWARDS IM SOBBINF

dashi: Send a pic Im begging 😭🙏

tweak: idiot_feline.png

dashi: WHAT DID HE DO OH MY GOD

dashi: KWAZII HOW????

kwazii: this is staying between me n peso okay :/

kwazii: doctor patient secfrecy or wtver

tweak: get off your phone

tweak: peso is lowk tweaking right now

tweak: pissed_penguin.png

dashi: He is so over kwaziis bs Im crying 😭😭

tweak: who isnt??

dashi: Fair actually

peso: Tweak get off your phone and help me get Kwazii to the sickbay

dashi: Why didnt you say that to her irl

peso: She was texting very intensely and wasn’t actually doing anything

peso: We’ll update you later

dashi: Alright dont die or something

peso: ??

dashi: Kwazii has that effect on people

tweak: real

tweak: I JUST GOT TGE DIRTIEST LOOK FROM PESO AND KWAZII IM CRYING

tweak: british_fury.png

tweak: BYE DASHIHINCDWNHIEDCHBHU

dashi: LMFAOO THEIR FACES

dashi: Bye ily please dont die 😔

08:09am

dashi: Is kwazii alive or not

tweak: sadly 😔

kwazii: man what did i even do

tweak: YOU WOKE US UP AT 4 IN THE MORNING????

kwazii: ok but i broke my leg 😔

tweak: just walk it off idfk 💀💀

dashi: SAYING WALK IT OFF IS CRAZY LMFAOO 😭😭😭

kwazii: smh im telling on you guys :/

dashi: The captain is backreading rn he looks so disappointed rn

dashi: polarbear_despair.png

tweak: LMFAOO 😭😭

tweak: bro is reevaluating his life choices

barnacles: Yes.

tweak: thank you captain very cool

dashi: Lmao shellington is so confused rn I need to catch him up on the lore

kwazii: does he not read this chat

tweak: i don’t think he can even turn on his phone tbh let alone read or text

kwazii: how is captain (middle aged) able to use a phone but not shellington (late twenties)

dashi: The duality of man

tweak: real

Chapter Text

Main Chat

16:29pm

tweak: i’m going to break kwazii’s other leg.

dashi: WHAT DID HE DO THIS TIME OMG 😭

kwazii: WHY AM I ALWAYS BEING BULLIED BY TWEAK THIS IS NOT OKAY

tweak: YOU BROKE THE OPEN BUTTON YOU MORON

tweak: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO OPEN THE HATCH OH MY DAYS

kwazii: IM SORRY MATEY I DIDNT MEANT TO

shellington: Hello everyone

tweak: IM GONNA JUMP YOU

shellington: ??

shellington: Tweak please don’t jump me

tweak: i’m not gonna jump you shellington i’m gonna jump kwazii

shellington: Ah okay

shellington: Why though??

dashi: Scroll up

shellington: Oh dear

tweak: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO OUR JOBS NOW KWAZII

tweak: @peso please just let him perish i’m begging you

tweak: on my hands and knees rn

dashi: Can confirm

dashi: tweaking_tweak.png

peso: Hi guys!

peso: Tweak I want to keep my job please just let me help Kwazii ☹️

tweak: fine 😔 but only cause i like you peso 🙏

tweak: kwazii can break his leg and arms for all i care 😒

kwazii: MATEY IM SORRY ☹️☹️

tweak: SORRY DOESNT FIX THE OPEN BUTTON

tweak: HELP I JUST NOTICED THE NAME OF THE PHOTO OF ME IM SOBBINF

dashi: Im hilarious I know 🔥

dashi: Anyways guys what film are we watching tonight

tweak: i picked a horror film for us to watch 😈

shellington: All I do is suffer.

dashi: Tweak why. Im actually going to go deaf by tomorrow 😭

tweak: its funny watching you guys get scared lmao

tweak: especially shellington because how does someone shriek so high 😭😭

shellington: I have vocal range.

tweak: fair but jesus christ you sound like a dying mouse

kwazii: MAN WHY DO I HAVE TO MISS OUT ON THE ONE TIME WE WATCH A HORROR MOVIE ☹️

dashi: Man learns his actions have consequences (emotional)

kwazii: screaming crying throwing up all i feel is pain and suffering

kwazii: I CAN SEE YOU LAUGHING AT THIS PESO WTF ☹️

kwazii: I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS 😔

tweak: 𝒷𝓇ℴ𝒸𝓀ℯ𝓃 🖤💔🥀⛓️

peso: You’re very dramatic Kwazii I’m sorry

tweak: please laugh more at him he deserves it

peso: No :(

kwazii: smh tweak is such a fake friend 😔💔

tweak: since when are we friends 🤨

kwazii: true 🫃

kwazii: WRONG EMOJI I MEANT TO USE THE SKULL EMOJI NOT THE MOREG EMOJI

dashi: WHY IS THAT IN YOUR RECENTS?????

kwazii: I MISCLICKED OKAY 😭😭😭🫃😭😭😭

tweak: kwazii comes out as an mpreg lover (not clickbait)

kwazii: SHIT UP 😭😭

dashi: BAD WORD 🗣️🔥🔥🔥

dashi: Anyways Im excited to see what u chose Tweak

tweak: you guys will love it trust

tweak: peso are you gonna join us this time

peso: No sorry :( I don't like horror movies at all

tweak: why they’re literally amazing 😔

peso: The last time I watched one I got extremely paranoid for like a week straight and couldn’t even sleep 😭

tweak: peso please consider getting anxiety medication i’m begging you because that is not normal 🙏🙏

peso: I have :) I’m just waiting for it to arrive.

dashi: Peso medicated era when

peso: Soon hopefully!

peso: On the bright side I can keep Kwazii company!

kwazii: thank you matey im so glad i have a real friend 🫃

kwazii: FUCK I DIDNT MEAN TO SEND THE MPREG EMOJI 😭😭

peso: Kwazii do you have something you need yo tell us

kwazii: ARE YOU IMPLYING IM OREGNANT

tweak: LMFAOOOOO 💀💀💀

dashi: Whos the other father then

kwazii: NO ONE IM NOT PREGNANT

dashi: Okay then🫃 (Kwazii emoji)

kwazii: IM GONNA JUMP YOI GUYS WHEN ME LEG HEALS MARK MY WORDS

captain: How to get fired in less than 10 seconds.

dashi: LMFAOOO

Chapter Text

Main Chat

09:01am

dashi: I think I am witnessing Pesos descent into insanity.

tweak: you what

dashi: Okay so I go to say good morning to Peso right

tweak: right.

dashi: And when I walk into his room tell me why there are three of those 3d puzzles two jigsaw puzzles and an unfinished jigsaw puzzle.

dashi: They were not there when we were hanging out last night 😭 so did he just stay up all night to do them or something 😭😭?????

dashi: Who the hell stays up all night to do PUZZLES???

kwazii: @peso clearly

peso: I didn’t spend all night on them.

peso: I’ve only been doing them for a few hours.

dashi: Did u wake up early to do them or something 😭

peso: I haven’t slept yet

dashi: So u decided to do puzzles??

peso: Yes

peso: I’ve been doing them since 6

tweak: sanest medical school student 💀

kwazii: does autism give you super powers or something because what the fuck

kwazii: HOW DO YOU DO NEARLY 6 PUZZLES IN 3 HOURS WGAT

dashi: I feel like we established that autism does give u superpowers

kwazii: since when

dashi: Since Shellington

kwazii: true actually

tweak: what magical abilities do you have dashi?

dashi: Idk lesbianism 😭

tweak: CNHBJCBSJDDSN

tweak: I DON’T THINK THAT COUNTS

dashi: 😕

shellington: I dont have any powers????

peso: I remember when you got stung by a platypus and you literally couldn’t swim but when the egg started hatching you literally jumped up as if nothing happened.

peso: The stings can take up to a month to heal as well.

dashi: I feel like my point has been proven

dashi: Anyways guys can someone (sane) come and talk to me Im so bored rn

tweak: come to the launch bay

dashi: Omw rn 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

tweak:👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

kwazii: stop being gay pride month is over!!!!!! 😡😡😡😡

kwazii: #praythegayaway

peso:dhdhhssbjxbxshujxsbsxbuxsbuhuxsjnsxnjxs

kwazii: so true

peso:jihddniifdinjwdjidwkwdswkwskmssmks

peso:njddjnjhdehudehiedhijnw

kwazii: this is what medical school does to a man 😔 (emotional)

peso:josnjjicnscjnidjneijwdjbchdhdhd

tweak: what language is this

kwazii: eye dee kay matey

peso:hnxggsgshsbsbsnnsnsbbs

kwazii: peso do you support gay rights

peso: ahsjhshhhhinjwsjh62hw

kwazii: so true 🔥🔥🔥

tweak: dashi was not kidding about the insanity 😭

tweak: @dashi where are you

peso: Kwazii is built like a carrot ngl

kwazii: WHAT.

tweak: LMFAOOO???

kwazii: UNCALLED FOR????

kwazii: peso how could you 😕☹️😔😔😔😔

peso: Jk its me (dashi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩)

peso: thismf_dead.png

kwazii: THE NAME???

tweak: well guys our medic is dead its over for us

dashi: Hes asleep (I think)

tweak: YOU THINK???

dashi: Im not a medic ok 😭

dashi: Why does everyone here have insomnia oh my days

dashi: Im about to shove a bottle of melatonin down everyones throat I swear

peso: I want something else down my throat 🤤

tweak: DASHI STOP THIS MADNESS

kwazii: IM CRYINF ITS SO MUCH MORE CURSED COMING FROM PESOS ACCOUNT 😭

dashi: Fine Ill stop (for now)

kwazii: dont do puzzles at 3am (gone wrong) (gone gay) (cops called) (we drank the gay potion😱)

peso: The gay potion would turn you straight be so serious rn 💀

kwazii: DASHI STOP 😭

kwazii: homophobia smh

dashi: U literally said pray the gay away I dont want to hear it

Chapter Text

Main Chat

00:09am

peso: I fear I may have slept for over 12 hours

kwazii: HE LIVES 🔥🔥

kwazii: hi matey im glad youre alive

peso: Hi Kwazii and I am also happy I’m alive

peso: I’m so hungry

kwazii: you should try consuming cement 🤤

kwazii: its scrumptious

tweak: i’m shocked you know such large words

kwazii: WHY AM I ALREADY CATCHING STRAYS WHAT THE FREAK

peso: I feel as if we are glossing over the fact Kwazii eats cement

peso: That cannot be healthy

tweak: “what the freak” 💀

kwazii: im already on thin ice okay 💔

tweak: i hope it breaks 😂😂

kwazii: youre lucky im feeling nice right now twerk

tweak: TWERK????????

kwazii: AUTOCORRECT MY BAD 😭

tweak: autocorrect my ass

tweak: count your days kazoo

kwazii: IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO TYPE TW*RK

tweak: CRYING WHY IS IT CENSORED 😭😭

kwazii: i would never say such vile things in this PROFESSIONAL chat

tweak: sure thing buddy

peso: I’m actually about to collapse and I can’t tell if it’s from hunger or iron deficiency

tweak: maybe it’s both idk

peso: Hopefully not

peso: Dashi is blasting music right now thank goodness I slept for the whole day

dashi: Mb Ill turn it down 💔

peso: Thank you

peso: I cannot walk straight right now I think I am dying

kwazii: please consume cement its so good

peso: As much as I appreciate your suggestion I’m going to pass

kwazii: your loss matey 💔

tweak: this reminds me of the time i stayed up for nearly two whole days because i lost track of time

dashi: Are you okay

tweak: that was ages ago lmao don’t worry

dashi: Please get a watch

tweak: i’ll make my own 💪

peso: HELDPNSSHS

kwazii: this mf dead again 💔

kwazii: rip peso

peso: TWEAK WHY ARE YOU EATING INSTANT RAMEN AT MIDNIGHT IN THE DARK??

tweak: i spent like 12 hours fixing the gup b courtesy of kwazii

peso: That doesn’t explain why you’re eating in the dark???

tweak: i felt like it

kwazii: truly a tweak moment of all time

kwazii: wait aince when do we have ramen

tweak: i hide them away from you

peso: I feel like I’m tweaking

kwazii: me everyday 🔥

Chapter Text

Main Chat

15:10pm

peso: I hate having autism and anxiety because what if the sound of my bed creaking is actually someone underneath my bed moving

kwazii: sprry what

kwazii: matey what the freak

peso: Apparently sharing my issues should help with them (in theory)

peso: I don’t think it’s working :(

kwazii: i think some drugs wpuld work 🔥🔥🔥

dashi: Stop projecting 😭⁉️

peso: I am not doing drugs I feel like that would just make everything worse

peso: I’m never being vulnerable again

dashi: How have u not been medicated yet

peso: Am I supposed to be?? 😭

dashi: Yes

kwazii: damn couldnt be mw tho 💀💀💀

tweak: it should be you

tweak: everytime i see you you’re always bouncing off the walls like mf how many drugs have you consumed within the last 5 minutes 😭

kwazii: WHY DO YOU ONLY COME ON HERE TO INSULT MW

tweak: it brings me pleasure/hj

kwazii: smh im literally neurodivergent and transgender you cant bully me im gonna cancel you twerk

tweak: I AM TOO WHAT IS YOUR POINT 💀

kwazii: you hate minoritees 😡

tweak: the only minority i hate is you 💞

peso: Everytime I message on here Kwazii and Tweak are always arguing

dashi: Mute the chat for your own sanity

dashi: Be like shellington and the captain and become a functional member of society

peso: Am I not a functional member of society??

kwazii: since when was shellington a functional member of society ⁉️

dashi: I dont wanna hear it from u kwazii u are the least functional member of society

kwazii: i try to stay relatable for my fans 💞

tweak: what fans 💀

kwazii: 🤫

dashi: His fans are probably the voices or something idk

kwazii: man all i do is get bullied 💔💔💔

17:35pm

shellington: Kwazii I am a very functional member of society

kwazii: sure thing matey

shellington: I get the feeling you’re being sarcastic

dashi: Shellington (an empath)🔥

kwazii: LMAOO 😭

kwazii: ANYWAYS WHAT IS UP MY KITTENS⁉️⁉️

tweak: KWAZII IS A DISCORD MOD CONFIRMED⁉️⁉️

kwazii: DO NOT SPREAD LIES AND SLANDER ABOUT ME⁉️⁉️

tweak: fine

tweak: KWAZII CONSUMED 10 POUNDS OF CEMENT YESTERDAY ⁉️⁉️

dashi: Real⁉️ Not clickbait⁉️

peso: I am surrounded by brainrot

tweak: that’s mainly kwazii

peso: Your arguments with Kwazii are very brainrotting to me

tweak: man

kwazii: EL EM AY OH 😂😂😂😂😂😂

peso: Kwazii are you high be honest

kwazii: NO WTF 😭⁉️

peso: Just checking

kwazii: DO I SEEM HIGH TO YOU

dashi: Yes

tweak: yes

peso: Sometimes

barnacles: Yes

kwazii: what the freak⁉️⁉️⁉️💔💔💔

Chapter Text

Main Chat

13:30pm

kwazii: WHICH ONE OF YOU WRETCHED SCALLEYWAGS STOLE MY SANDWICH

dashi: Wretched Scalleywags lmaoo

kwazii: do you havw a problem with my language matey

dashi: No Im literally praising the lord that youre not using brainrot rn 😭

dashi: Also it wasnt me btw

kwazii: TWEAK I KNWO IT WAS TOU ITS ALWAYS YOU COME AND FIGTH ME

dashi: Why did you even ask if you knew 😭??

kwazii: i gotta triple check it wasnt someone else

kwazii: anyways

kwazii: COME AND FACE ME YOU COWARD

tweak: i have better things to do so, no

tweak: also yeah i stole it

tweak: and by stole it i mean i threw it away because it smelled horrendous

kwazii: I DUKCING KENW IT

tweak: why the fuck was it just two pieces of bread with some mayo thats not even a sandwich that just bread with sauce 💀

dashi: HWAT

dashi: LIKE NO CHEESE OR LETTUCE OR HAM OR ANYTHING???

tweak: it was bread with pure mayonnaise

dashi: That cannot be considered sandwich that is a crime

kwazii: do you guys not fw mayo bread :/

dashi: HELL NO

tweak: the mayo was definitely out of date kwazii how the fuck could you not tell it fuckin stank, there were actual tears in my eyes when i opened the fridge

kwazii: i have a cold 🙁

tweak: THE MAYO WAS CHUNKY

dashi: EUGH WHAT THE FUCK

tweak: IT WAS HORRIBLE

dashi: PLEASE CAN ME MOVE ON

peso: I am legitimately horrified by this

shellington: I feel like this is grounds to remove mayonnaise permanently from the kitchen.

peso: I second this

kwazii: so you guys want me dead

peso: ???

kwazii: 𝒽ℯ𝒽 𝒿 𝑔𝓎𝒶𝓉 𝒾 𝒹ℯ𝓈ℯ𝓇𝓋ℯ 𝒾𝓉

tweak: i’m gonna jump you

kwazii: erm whag thw sigma matey ⁉️

dashi: The way i audibly sighed

tweak: the way a tear rolled down my cheek

peso: Oh my god you sound like Pinto I cannot escape the brainrot

dashi: IS UR BRITHER INTO SKIBIDI TOILET OR SOMETHING 😭

peso: God I hope not he already knows too much brainrot for his own good

peso: He texted me this morning “are you feeling sigma peso” and I don’t know how much I can take

kwazii: dang peso do ya not vibe with skibidi toilet rizzler brainrot

peso: Absolutely not.

kwazii: what the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀

peso: I think this is a sign to log off

dashi: Real

kwazii: you guys are just haters smh my head

17:09pm

barnacles: @tweak What does bbg mean

tweak: where did you learn that word cap…

kwazii: 😁

tweak: OH MY GOD KWAZII

barnacles: So what does it mean?

tweak: google it cap

kwazii: NO FUCK CAPTAIN DONT DO THAT

barnacles: Kwazii why did you call me baby girl??

barnacles: I am a grown man

dashi: I JUST SOAT MY DRINK EVERYWHERE

dashi: I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO OPEN THE CHAT TO THIS

kwazii: i dont even have a good explanation i just thought it was funnt

barnacles: Can you explain how it’s funny I’m curious

tweak: bro is gonna make a powerpoint 💀💀

kwazii: ill tell ya later captain 😭

barnacles: Alright

kwazii: I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF WHY DID I HAVE TO FUCKING SEND THAT STUPID MEME

tweak: CALM DOWN JESUS 😭

kwazii: I HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHAT BABY GIRL MEANS TWEAK I AM DOOMED MY LIFE IS OVER

tweak: you have sent way worse to me stfu

kwazii: THATS MY BOSS

tweak: lmao

Chapter Text

Main Chat

10:00am

dashi: Hey guys why isnt professor inkling in here

kwazii: i didnt know bro had a oHone what

dashi: Everyone here does???

tweak: kwazii has negative braincells he wouldn’t know that 💞

kwazii: okay fuck tou

kwazii: dashi can tou add him please 💔

“dashi” has added “inkling”

dashi: Already on it :)

inkling: Hello chaps, how are we all doing this m

tweak: PROFESSOR STOP TEXTING ON THE MICROWAVE IM TRYING TO MICROWAVE SPAGHETTI

dashi: THE MICROWAVE???

tweak: HES LITERALLY TEXTING ON THE MIRCOWAVW I CANT DO THIS

kwazii: LMAOOO I CNt DO TGIS

dashi: A tear ran down my cheek

tweak: same we should kiss

dashi: On! my way

tweak: wait what

kwazii: thw way i slammed my head into the wall XD 😂😂

inkling: Ahh young love

tweak: PROFESSOR YOU HAVE A PHONE LET ME USE THE MICROWAVE

inkling: My apologies Tweak

peso: Crippling gender dysphoria

peso: Wrong chat

kwazii: HELP???

tweak: WHO WERE U SENDING THIS TOO IM CRYINF

peso: I can’t say sorry you know doctor patient confidentiality and stuff

kwazii: stupid laws always ruining me fun

kwazii: thats why i break them

tweak: WHAY

inkling: Speaking of crippling gender dysphoria, Peso, we need more estrogen

peso: Oh hi Professor!

peso: Also, Dashi and Tweak are all stocked up we don’t need anymore

inkling: Oh, it isn’t for them!

peso: Who is it for then?

inkling:

peso: Who is it for Professor???

inkling: You’ll see.

kwazii: IM CRYINF WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MYSTERIOUS

kwazii: lil vro can see into the future

kwazii: “here in the crystal ball i see” ahh octopus

tweak: i let out a tiny giggle

kwazii: im hilarious i know 😼

dashi: I wouldnt go that far

kwazii: 🙁

15:18pm

tweak: WHO THE FUCK JUST CONNECTED THEIR PHONE TO MY SPEAKERS AND PLAYED THE FREAKY INSIDE OUT 2 SONG

dashi: There are tears in my eyes again its so bad i cant stop laughing

kwazii: hi im 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 fear AAAUHYAGG its too 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 here 😔😰😰🤤🤤

peso: I’m going to block you I can’t take hearing this song again

kwazii: bro can block me but not his m*m 😂😂😂

peso: Don’t bring this up again

peso: I will eventually

kwazii: matey im begging you please do it by the end of this month i bet all my rum on it and i drank all of it but i have no money to buy any and im so fucked

peso: Alright I’m actually blocking you now

kwazii: NO N O

dashi: LMAOOOO

dashi: I cant wait for the end of this month

kwazii: all i do is suffer 🙁

tweak: L

kwazii: tweak one day you will wake up and find tou havw no toes anymore

tweak: you are not eating my toes wtf

kwazii: WHEN DID I SAY THAT

tweak: i infered it from the text

kwazii: HELLP???

dashi: Were about to write an analytical paragraph with this one 💞💞

Chapter Text

Main Chat

08:45am

peso: Hello everyone, I would just like to inform you all that when Kwazii says to me “Have ya got the goods matey” he is referring to testosterone.

peso: I do not have any illegal substances.

dashi: HELP MEE

tweak: it’s alright peso we know he’s kidding lmao

peso: Still, I’m trying not to loose my medical license

dashi: Imagine going to medical school for ages just to get fired bc some random guy kept talking to you like youre his plug

peso: I would cry

tweak: same but i’d also giggle a bit

tweak: also lets be honest here if anyone on the octopod is a plug its kwazii

kwazii: WHAR

kwazii: I DONT HAVW DRUGS

dashi: Dont you have a catnip plant in ur room

kwazii: IM NOT USING IT FOR THAT.

tweak: okay but why do ya have a high security door in your wardrobe with 16 bottles of rum behind it

dashi: Why would you need so much security for RUM???

kwazii: actually it was hiding me grandfathers secret recipe

kwazii: THOUGH ITS NOT VERY SECRET NOW IS IT

dashi: Wasnt that the pie you made in a boot?

kwazii: yes

dashi: Oh

peso: Never go near the kitchen again

tweak: speak your truth 🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥

dashi: DUHBWUHDBCCUWW

kwazii: 💔

kwazii: what did i even do 💔💔

tweak: oh i dunno maybe blast the freaky inside out two song on my speakers AT FIVE AM THIS MORNING

kwazii: my bad matey 👅👅

kwazii: yall ready to get 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 on the dance floor 👅👅😼😼

peso: I think thats my cue to log off

dashi: real

15:49pm

peso: I’ve listened to the entire the rise and fall of a midwest princess album this week atleast 5 times

dashi: I need ‼️ a super graphic ultra modern GIRL. LIKE. ME.

tweak: something tells me dashi might’ve had a part in this

peso: You’ll never believe what I’m about to say

dashi: Tweak youre next

dashi: By next friday you’ll have the whole album memorised

tweak: as long as its not a brainrot song i’m down

dashi: I would never stoop to that level

kwazii: IT IS IRONIC I DONT LIKE THE SONGS.

shellington: We need more test tubes

shellington: Oh is this a bad time

tweak: why do ya need more? didn’t we get some last month

shellington: I may or may not have broken 5 of them

tweak: i’ll add em to the list @inkling

shellington: Thank you

dashi: SHELLINGTON!!!

shellington: Hi

dashi: Please text on here more often 💔💔

dashi: It’s been 50 years

shellington: I would but there’s broken glass on the lab floor

peso: WHAT

peso: Are you hurt??

shellington: No just missing 5 test tubes

dashi: 😔

kwazii: shellington be like jellyfish tuah hyperfixate on that thang

dashi: A singular tear rolled down my cheek

inkling: Good day everyone

inkling: How are you all this afte

kwazii: PROFESSOR WHY ARE YOU TYPING ON THE FRIDGE

peso: Since when did the fridge have that feature??

tweak: i made it for fun like 6 months ago but i didn’t expect anyone to actually use it

tweak: PROFESSOR YOU HAVE AN OCTOWATCH AND A PHONE YOU DON’T NEED TO USE THE FRIDGE

professor: My apologies Tweak, I will keep that in mind from now on.

kwazii: professor u literally sent that ON THE FRIDGE

dashi: Two tears just rolled down my cheeks

kwazii: 𝓉ℯ𝒶𝓇𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝒶 ℯ𝓎ℯ𝓈

dashi: SROP

kwazii: maybe the real tears are the friends we made along the way

tweak: i want what you’re on

Chapter Text

Main Chat

12:00pm

kwazii: in medbay rn (dont ask) and shellington just walked in infodumped to peso for 10 minutes straight then left i cant do tgis

kwazii: is this somethinf that hapoens often

dashi: Wait youve never had that happen 😭

kwazii: NO 😭😭😭

tweak: kwazii can’t stay in one place for more than two minutes shellington wouldn’t be able to start talking before he leaves the room lmao

kwazii: AHUR THE IJXDSJNIXX

tweak: help???

dashi: Rip kwazii 😢 i bet hes looking up at us right now 😔

tweak: UP???

dashi: That man is not going to heaven 😭🙏‼️

tweak: LMAOOO

kwazii: FIRST OF ALL I AM NIT DEAD PESO JUST ROOK ME PGONE

kwazii: SECOND OF ALL I AM A GOOD CHRISTIAN MAN I AM GOING TO HEAVEN HOW DARE YOU

tweak: “good christian man” 💀

kwazii: good christian boy sounds weird im 27

tweak: that is not the issue

dashi: Kwazii you are wanted in seven different countries you are NOT going to heaven 😭🙏

kwazii: well ye see matey they just hate alphas with rizz like me

kwazii: me massive aura is so giagantasaurus that puny betas (the government) tremble in me presence and banish me because those scurvy scallywags are threatened by me aura

dashi: YOU ROBBED SERVERAL BANKS, TRIED TO OVERTHROW THE MONARCHYAND AVOIDED TRIAL THEY ARE ACTIVELY HUNTING YOU DOWN

kwazii: same thing

dashi: THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING

kwazii: if you take enough catnip it is

dashi: How on earth did you get hired

kwazii: me sigmaful aura convinced professor that i was an alpha male

kwazii: peso looks like hes about to slaughter me brb

tweak: the heathen is gone 🙏🙏 praise the lord

dashi: LMAOO (real)

dashi: Shellington is ghosting me 😔

dashi: He can infodump to peso but not text me back smh

dashi: I crode💔

tweak: i crode too 😔

dashi: We crode together 💔💔😢😢

shellington: Dashi what on earth does this mean????

shellington: Oh wrong chat

dashi: SHELLINGBOB

shellington: That isn’t my name

dashi: Its a nickname 💞

tweak: what did dashi say i gotta know

shellington: “Hey pookie wookie dookie schnookie hows it going”

shellington: “Shellingboing please respond ur my favourite boytoy malewife 💞💞💞”

shellington: “Shellingbong its been 2 hours wtf are you doing are you buying organs off the dark web again??”

shellington “Shellingbingboing its been 50 years please respond the kids miss u 😢”

tweak: I TOOK A BITE OF MY CARROT WHILE YA SENT THOSE AND CHOKED ON IT

peso: Are you okay???

tweak: im fine dw peso just laughing

peso: Alright :)

tweak: DASHI IM CRYING “MY FAVOURITE BOYTOY MALEWIFE”

tweak: WAIT WDYM BUYING ORGANS “AGAIN”

dashi: It’s a joke i promise u

shellington: I need to conduct research

dashi: .

tweak: now we have 2 criminals on the octopod how wonderful!

dashi: Idk peso probably has a secret stash of coke somewhere

peso: NO.

Chapter Text

Main Chat

7:15am

tweak: why did i just hear screaming

tweak: it is 7am i cannot do this rn

dashi: Oh my god i cant bretahe

dashi: Okay tweak have you seen that one freaky silver the hedgehog video

tweak: the what now

dashi: Lemme get an image i promise you it’s relavant

dashi:

tweak: JINSJJIUHSJKNK!?$??$?

tweak: I JUMPED SEEING THAT

dashi: HELP MEE

dashi: Okay so me and kwazii were talking about that video at breakfast right

dashi: And he was doing the whole rubbing hands together and licking lips deviouslt thing

dashi: And peso looks over at the exact time he’s doing it AND I GUESS KWAZII WAS TOO FREAKY BC HE SCREAMED 😭

tweak: LMFAOOO

peso: I did not want to start my morning seeing Kwazii imitating some horrific creature okay

tweak: there’s not much to imitate they look pretty alike

dashi: STOP

peso: I think I always look over at the wrong time because one time I glanced over at Kwazii’s phone screen and him texting Paani “do it jiggle”

peso: All I do in this Octopod is cry

dashi: I NEARLY SPAT MY DRINK EVERYWHERE WHAT THE HECK

kwazii: am i not allowed to text me VERY IMPORTANT questions to paani matey

peso: Not in this Christian household

tweak: PESO WTF 😭

tweak: not in this proud american family

dashi: I CNAT BREATHE

dashi: I cant tell if this is really funny or if im rlly sleep deprived

tweak: both

peso: Dashi go to sleep at a normal time please

dashi: Yessir 🫡

kwazii: WHYD YOU AGREE SO QUCIK

dashi: I dont want an hour long lecture on sleep and circadian rhythms

dashi: Yes this has happened before and yes i timed it

dashi: Never again

14:19pm

kwazii: @shellington @shellington @shellington

dashi: @shellington @shellington

shellington: Hi what is it im’ busy

kwazii: matey we have a new meal idea the vegimals need to know about right now

shellington: Waht is it

dashi: Have you ever heard of the crazy joker hamburger

shellington: No and i dont liek where this is going

dashi: NONONO YOU NEED TO HEAR US OUT

kwazii: PLEASE MATEY YOU WONT REGRET IT

shellington: Okay send me the link t o it

dashi: https://youtu.be/pVbtFP40E50?si=-LFjrXFHx9FglZHP

shellington: I regret watching all of that

dashi: So is it a yes or

shellington: Absolutely not

kwazii: but you dont wanna dress up like the joker and make burgers?

shellington: No???? Why would I wnat to do that??? Why woudl anyone what to do that???

dashi: For the giggles

shellington: This does not make me giggle

dashi: You are no fun how are we supposed to make the crazy joker hamburger now??

kwazii: please have mercy matey i cant even go into the kitchen to cook anymore

shellington: Your food is inedible and the crazy hamburger would probably give us all food poisoning

dashi: *Crazy joker hamburger

shellington: I am not showing this to tunip okay now bye my beaker is gonna expod

inkling: Do not fret Dashi and Kwazii, I find this “Crazy Joker Hamburger” to be quite delightful.

kwazii: thank you professor 😔

20:46pm

barnacles: Why are the vegimals dressed up in joker costumes?

shellington: HUH????

kwazii: theyre just making dinner cap’n dont worry!

barnacles: Is it some sort of costume party?

dashi: No but it is a special event

barnacles: Oh? What’s the event

dashi: Crazy joker hamburger

tweak: what form of brainrot is this

dashi: Balkan brainrot

tweak: i forget how chronically online you are

tweak: also the kitchen looks like a biohazard please dont eat the burger

kwazii: would you say it looks 𝒸𝓇𝒶𝓏𝓎

kwazii: get it because theyre making ghe crazy joker hamburger ahhaha

tweak: yes i got it kwazii

tunip: Raise your words not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.

tweak: i think i’m high good night

Chapter Text

Main Chat

9:47am

tweak: who tf told shellington about john pork i’m crying

dashi: Funny story actually

dashi: Me and kwazii like to enlighten shellington sometimes and we told him about john pork like a month ago

tweak: ENLIGHTEN??? GIRL YOU ARE INDOCTRINATING HIM AT BEST

tweak: also ain’t he dead or something

dashi: Yeah we left that bit out

dashi: So we accidentally got him attached to john pork and now hes crashing out over it whoops

shellington: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THIS NEWS I LIVE UNDER A ROCK YOU KNOW

shellington: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

kwazii: I CANT BRETAHE

tweak: john pork moment?

shellington: john pork noo 😭

tweak: shellington are you on something like genuinely

tweak: i feel like you have a brain tumour or something

kwazii: no matey we just had some catnip 🤑

dashi: Who keeps supplying you guys with this stuff because i know peso is not ordering it

tunip: I know how the game goes because I have to play it with humans. Time has it limits, life is so gambled, no-one can give you a second life you must discover the truth by yourself because no-one tells you. I cook myself a good dish because I come from Italy

dashi: Oh okay

tweak: AND THE CROWD GOES MILD 🔥🔥🔥

kwazii: ON EVERYONES SOUL THIS IS FIRE 🙏

tweak: YOU’VE DOOMED US ALL 😭🙏

inkling: What a splendid piece of literature I had no idea you were so talented Tunip

dashi: Who is translating this 😭

shellington: me

dashi: Okay please stop i dont wanna hear this anymore

dashi: Wait why does tunip have a phone

tunip: cheepa cheepa

dashi: YOU WERE SPEAKING IN CURSIVE BEFORE AND NOW YOU SWITCH BACK

tunip: cheepa

dashi: I cant do this im gonna go watch ride the cyclone bye

Chapter Text

Main Chat

14:20pm

dashi: Kwazii stop spamming 'dihshi' in my instagram live

tweak: why on earth are you live streaming and why haven't you blocked kwazii on there

dashi: I had hope hed be normal for once but I guess my hopes are too high

kwazii: im just using my frew will matey leabe me aloen

dashi: Use your free will and do your job

kwazii: censor that word plz

peso: Job?

kwazii YES MATEY DONT SYA THAT SLUR IN ME PRESENVE

peso: Do I need to take you in for another phsyciatric evaluation Kwazii.

kwazii: no im normal

tweak: kwazii and normal in the same sentence 🥀

kwazii: OH HOP OFF

dashi: HOP OFF MY LIVE DUDE IM LOSING IT I

kwazii: yes dihshi 💔

peso: What in the lords good name does that mean

dashi: Peso you sweet summer child its best you dont know

tweak: how do you even come up with ts macabroni and cheese 😭

kwazii: im not tellinf you

kwazii: u pmo

tweak: YOU PISS ME OFF WHEN YOU CRASH THE GUP FIVE TIMES BACK TO BACK I AM NOT LETTING YOU NEAR THEM FOR A MONTH I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT FIXING THE GUP B EVER AGAIN IF IT BREAKS YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN BUDDY

dashi: Girl are you okay

tweak: ya

dashi: I think im gonna end the live and make sure you don't leave Kwazii organless

kwazii: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT IMPLYDIN

kwazii: TWEAK PLEWADE DONR STEAL MY ORGANS AND FIBE THEM TO SHELLINGTON FOR RESEARCH IM TOO YOUNGS TO DIE

tweak: shuh tuh fuh uh

dashi: I love it when you insult Kwazii

kwazii: scissor me timbers dashi 😭

17:18

shellington: hus ilosy muw glassed

dashi: Speak english please

peso: You lost your glasses again??

shellington: UM SOEEY OWSP U SOMT KNOW WGAY HAPPWNES THWU WETE THEEW OMW MINSUTE AND TJE NESY TJET WETE GOMW

peso: Glasses don't just disappear Dr Shellington they might have fallen on the floor

shellington: OJ GOOS POITJ

peso: If they aren't there then I'll come and help you find them

shellington: TGAMK YOU OESP

peso: Of course :)

dashi: How on earth did you understand any of that

peso: We are very close

dashi: Your brains are like connected ts is mot casual 😭

peso: Chappell roan reference?

dashi: YOURE FINALLY GETTING MY REFS

dashi: It feels like I watched my own child grow up….

peso: I'm 29 Dashi I'm only two years younger than you

dashi: Shhhh

kwazii: This is the only acceptable time tk say age is just a numebr

dashi: No

peso: NO TIME IS EVER ACCEPTABLE????

dashi: Icl I'm more disturbed by Kwazii capitalising a word than his other comment

shellington: OESL I CAMY FINS TGEM

peso: I'll come to the lab now

peso: Bye dashi :)

dashi: Byebye!!

dashi: …

kwazii: i feel like they are gay for each toher

dashi: I will not agree or disagree

tunip: Faggots

Chapter Text

Main Chat

17:07

kwazii: GUYD I NDEE HWLO

peso: Hi hello yes what’s wrong??

dashi: I feel like i know what this is about

kwazii: I ACCIDENTLALKY GOR HYPERIXATED ON LILGODD I CMAT DO TGSI ANY,ORW

dashi: THE DAISY BELL PHONK GUY???

kwazii: YES 😭😭😭💔💔

kwazii: JVE BENN LSITENIRN TO IT CONSTANTLY EVEN TGE CAPTAIN KNOWS IT

dashi: HELLO?????

dashi: Wait what does he think of it

dashi: @barnacles @barnacles

barnacles: Hi Dashi
Is everything alright?

dashi: I forgot you type like a a middle aged dad of two kids

barnacles: Is that a bad thing?

dashi: Maybe but i have an important question

dashi: What is your opinion on that song kwazii has been playing for the past two days

barnacles: It is very tuff

dashi: Excuse me

dashi: When did you learn that im so fried

barnacles: Kwazii taught me
I think I am using it right
Okay I need to get back to work
Bye

dashi: Uh huh yeah

tweak: dashi are you actually in shock right now

dashi: Yes 😭😭😭 that was like the last thing i expected to hear 😭😭💔💔

peso: Sorry but what does ‘tuff’ mean and who is Lilgodd

tweak: peso please use more than pinterest and whatsapp i’m begging

dashi: Chronically offline final boss ✌️

dashi: Anyways it just means cool and ask kwazii about lilgodd

peso: Thank you

tweak: sending peso to his death is wild 😭

dashi: I think i need to download tiktok for peso bc why did he ask me “dashi what is a sybau”

tweak: A SYBAU😭😭😭

tweak: i can’t do this how did he think it was an object

peso: In my defense it does sound like some sort of food item

peso: Also I didn’t think my brother would tell me to shut my bitchass up but here we are

tweak: idk how you put up with him

dashi: No true

shellington: He is bery. kickable

dashi: JSJJSJKJJJHDUHHUUUSHAHNA

tweak: LMAOOOO???

dashi: Not to sound evil but i whole heartedly agree with that

tweak: the greedy grinner gets her dinner

dashi: HALT

tweak: HALT????

dashi: YOU MAY NOT ENTER THE KINGS CASTLE

peso: Why are we roleplaying and calling pinto kickable

tweak: i think we’ve lost the plot

dashi: Yeah this went from lilgodd to medieval england roleplay somehow

tunip: Professor Inkling childhood roleplay

tweak: ok i’m putting down the cup