Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There had been a sandstorm holding on, to the midday and afternoon hours with a chokehold. It didn’t went away for the entire ride to their meet up until shortly before dawn. A storm like a wall, protecting them and shutting them away from the outside but also preventing them from looking for any clues of the whereabouts of their leader. A blessing and a curse at the same time.
As the late afternoon slowly arrived the storm was finally coming to an end, so they decided to wait outside. Most of them were perched up on the engine hub with a threat from Yunho to not touch the damn fucking front window. Otherwise they would have to clean the entire vehicle.
Time was mercilessly ticking by.
Tick Tack…
Tick Tack
Click, Clack, click, clack, click, click… clack… click… … cli-… click
 

Seonghwa was fuming inside at the dumb decisions made by his captain.
The audacity one man can inherit. 
In the background of his mind he registered the others talking to each other. But he himself couldn’t bring himself to join. Every time they would try to engage with him he would just snap. He was just too tense. The clock inside his head just being a tick to loud. (Pun intended)
So Seonghwa remained waiting and being a prisoner of his own mind. Counting the seconds, minutes and then hours. The counting first started three months after his 17 birthday. It stopped when he had joined Ateez. But now when one of them was missing it started up again. Always starts from zero. Like if the time gets reset over and over again until he was finally complete. But his wish was for it to finally come to an end. 
click, clack, tick, tack, click, clack, click
It had been two weeks, four days, seventeen hours, twenty five minutes and fifty two seconds of endless waiting. Of endless counting. 

Seonghwas tired eyes swept over the Horizon when he suddenly saw it. A gigantic column of smoke rose upwards into the sky. It contrasted in quite an aesthetic way with the slowly setting sun. Seonghwas heart took on speed in his rib cage as if it wanted to run a marathon. He was inclined to follow it. But before he would start mindlessly charging ahead, he turned towards his crew. His family. Yeah they had made enough individual decisions. These past few weeks were hell just because of some people’s individual activities.
The wisest choice was to actually consult everyone for a final plan first. Seongwha took a deep breath. Doing his best effort to at least get his anger out of his voice so he can address the others. “Since when had there been smoke?” His voice came out quiet and pretty flat, a success.
Everyone turned to look at the dark cloud that rose above the tree line. Painting a dark grey blotch in the otherwise orange and red canvas. A beautiful masterpiece of contrasts. A symbol of something ending. Like finishing one chapter of a book. A painting of finality.
The beginning of the end.

- - -

Hongjoongs steps were slow but he continued walking. He was nearly there. A bundle of twisting nerves was routed deep inside his core. He had the deep urge to throw up. His leg was like a dead weight that he dragged behind himself. 
Just following the pull in his chest leading him towards his crew, his family.
Then finally in the distance he saw something in the darkness. Something shiny, light, no two lights.
The headlights of their truck! It must be them!
In that exact moment he was nearing tears. He just wanted to finally sink down and rest. But he couldn’t give up now. Only a few meters and he could see them again. One feet before the other his steps irregularly, but he was constantly moving forward. Towards his home.
A few car lengths away and Hongjoong can see them  more clearly. Up close Seonghwa looked ready to pounce, to scream and to punch him. Probably every single one of the above. The leader knew that he was very late. But at least Seonghwa seamed to be calm. From the outside. The Captain limped heavily the last few steps. Internally his thoughts were running a wild campaign. ‘They were all alive! They made it. But what if they couldn’t get something? What if someone failed? Maybe someone is injured?’
He was so anxious at seeing his whole crew again, his family that he was completely caught of guard by a small unevenness on the ground. His poor eyesight might have also played its part. In the darkness of the night, he stumbled and could just barely prevent himself from falling face first in the sand at the feet of his crew. 
When he looked up again he was merely five arm lengths separated him from his family. 
His second in command looked ethereal. Perched up on the vehicle his cold eyes met the teary gaze of their leader. The only sign giving away that Seonghwa was not as unaffected as he appeared to be, was the shaking of his hands.
As soon as their gazes crossed, Seonghwa jumped down from the vehicle and his trembling hand found a bag. He threw it without any regards for the content towards their captain and it landed before his feet. Hongjoong looked so small, broken so hurt. 
“Hwa” his voice cracked “I am-“ 
“Don’t” interrupted the blackhead with a chilling tone. His voice cold and expression unreadable. Though up close his eyes portrayed his emotions perfectly. The stars from the sky full of anger and despair blinking in these beautiful orbs. There was also enough rage inside them to kill a man. Though that would be a to easy escape for Hongjoong. Without saying another word Seonghwa turned around and got inside the vehicle, the others all following close behind. Only Yeosang remained. His eyes calculating as he stepped to their Captains side. Taking the bag in his left hand and holding out the other as an offer for help. Hongjoong hesitated. Did they even still wanted him? Was he even still allowed to get back and just resume playing Captain as if nothing ever happened? A loud honk from the car broke him out of his spiralling thoughts and Yunhos head appeared outside of the drivers window. “Are you two gonna come inside or would you prefer to get buried in the sand?” As it appears, there was only one available answer. Taking a deep breath Hongjoong takes Yeosangs hand and let’s himself be helped inside. Let’s pray everything is going to turn out fine.

After some arrangements the Captain found himself seated in the back row between his second in command on his left side and Wooyoung. Yunho was the driver and Mingi was sitting in the passengers seat. Behind Hongjoong were Jongho and Yeosang securing some bags and other utensils like their weapons and bags of clothing.
Unfortunately there was a written list of who in their crew was the least person you want to personally anger and then stay in their vicinity and Hongjoong… lucky him… was sitting in between the first and second place. Seongwha the tallest of the three was sitting like a statue made out of stone the entire time. Appearing to not even take in full breaths. Wooyoung on the other hand… on his right side, was fidgeting constantly. It appeared that he didn’t or just couldn’t sit remotely still for even one tiny second. After not even seven minutes of silent driving Wooyoung scrunched his nose and stated loudly. “Ya stink! If I knew ya would have a cloud of smoke clinging to ya like you took a bath in cigarettes I would have left ya to air out a little bit more.” At these words Hongjoongs whole body went rigid. Up until that point nobody had said a word. But suddenly everything was so tense you could probably cut the air with a knife.
“Leave it.” Came a quiet command from Hongjoongs other side. His good eye flickered to the black haired man who continued to stare forward. If Hongjoong didn’t knew him better he would have thought that his second in command wasn’t paying attention. But he was. In fact he seemed to be aware of everything happening inside and probably outside their car as well.
A few minutes of tense silence went by when Hongjoong feels Seonghwa suddenly stiffen even more besides him. His jaw was clenched shut and his eyes unfocused like they weren’t looking at the back of Yunhos head but much, much further away. “We are being followed. Left side. Maybe 4 minutes before they can open fire.” For the first time today where Hongjoong heard him speak, was some emotion other than coldness laced in Seonghwas voice. Though he would have preferred that cold tone directed towards him a thousand times, over the tiny spark of uneasiness and fear.

Chapter Text

Suddenly Yeosang shouted from behind that he had them on the radar. Three cars in total. “Yunho any chance you could shake them off?”

Their driver looked into the back mirror and his hard gaze spoke for itself.
“Jongho, give me the shotgun.” Said a calm voice besides Hongjoong. His eyes stared in shock at his second in command.
“You can’t be serious! How do you want to aim when you’re nearly falling out of the car? That’s practically suicide with how fast we are driving!”
The protest came surprisingly from San who until this point had been crammed directly behind Hongjoongs seat. Probably working on something mechanical. The older hadn’t even noticed him. 
There was another beat of silence before Wooyoung spoke up and broke the silence again this time. “Sangie hand me my riffle.”
“Woo! Are you out of your mind!”
“Maybe, but it’s the best option we currently have. Would ya prefer opening the back door? Everything would tumble outside! Including you three. Hwa and I are in a much better position to shoot. We got an actually seat and seatbelts to strap us with.”

Wooyoung and San had an intense staring match before the latter obliged. First taking a shotgun and handing it to Seonghwa and then grabbing his lovers riffle. 
But before Wooyoung could get a real hold of his weapon San grabbed Wooyoungs wrist and hold eye contact. “Please be careful.” The youngers face softened and he replied with a small murmur. “For you? Always.”

Hongjoong felt like he was witnessing something he shouldn’t and therefore switched his attention back to the man sitting left from him.

He watched as Seonghwa clicked his seatbelt on and slid the door open. Air rushed in and his hair got swept in all directions. He couldn’t help but observe him. Seonghwa was drop dead gorgeous. His dark hair flying around his face like stormy waves. Forever wild and nether to be tamed.
His expression was concentrated and he held his gun barely a few inches outside the car. Having a death grip on the weapon the first shot was fired. It resonated deep in Hongjoongs core and he couldn’t help but flinch a little. His vision was starting to swim again and breathing was harder with the pressure of the opened doors.

Yunho tried his best to keep the car stable but the answering shots from their enemies were pressing down on everyone. Suddenly a gasp was heard from the back as San presented updates. “Great Hyung! You got one vehicle at the tires.”
Their second in command refrained from answering and continued his task of getting rid of their followers. He was hyper focused on aiming at their pursuers tires and their shooters.

Wooyoung struggled quiet heavily on his side. His aiming was far off and the bullets were hitting against the bulletproof engine hood. He let out a frustrated growl. “I am never going to sit on the right side ever again! I can’t shoot with my left hand!”
“Didn’t I say to train with both hands?” Hongjoong shouted so he was heard over the wind. Nobody answered. Okay yeah they were definitely still mad at him. His anxiousness grew with the following silence. “This ain’t the time to be angry at me!” At this point Hongjoong didn’t even care about the obvious desperation in his voice.
“It’s always a good time to be angry at ya!” Was Wooyoungs answer then. Only a second later he cursed and San exclaimed excitedly that Seonghwa shot down another one and only one car was left. 

Suddenly Yunho shouted a warning. “Everyone get inside the car now!” The others had only a few seconds to react and just barely closed the doors, before the car took a sharp turn to the right side. The momentum was so intense Wooyoung was swung and landed half on Hongjoong. A pained shout came from both involved. The impact was so intense that the Captain got pushed against Seonghwas shoulder who then knocked his own head against the frame of the vehicle door.
None of them were having a great time. A quick ‘Sorry’ from up front was heard as the others mouthed their displeasure. “You all okay?” Came Mingis deep voice as he looked bag. Seonghwa and Hongjoong let out a groan. Wooyoung squeaked loud and indignantly, still laying with his torso half atop their captain. “Couldn’t ya give us some more time to prepare!” From behind came two quiet murmurs of “We’re good.” and another groan.

As Woo slowly retreats to his own seat he felt something sticky on his bluse and all over his left arm. “What…” looking down on himself he saw red. His complete left side was covered in red liquid. His gaze trailed over to his captain, eyes widened as he realised that Hongjoong indeed was the cause. “Omg! What… Why is there so much blood!” His frantic shouting immediately alarmed everyone in the vehicle. 

Hongjoong himself was surprised. He hadn’t expected for his wounds to open up again. He hadn’t felt any pain for a while. The numbness had creeped up on him after only a few hours trapped in this damn mansion. His body felt it first and after only two days his mind and soul as well. This all encompassing feeling of nothingness. Regardless of how much blood, there was no pain. No wound left an ache, no injury was tormenting. The only thing he felt was hollowness. A deep unsettling experience. Some different type of agony. Being forced to forget how it feels to have feelings and emotions. 
How it feels to be human.

White noise was starting to fill his ears and he was losing himself in his head. It had been the only safe place for the last weeks. To protect himself his immediate response to stress was succumbing to his own mind. Drifting far away and swimming through space. Clinging to the happy memories of his family. He slowly lost his grip on his limps. All he saw was red. Splattered on the ceiling, floor and the wall. The chandelier falling down on the piano and splintering into  endless tiny pieces. Glass shards everywhere boring themselves through his skin. But he hadn’t felt the impact. The burn of the fire numbed him. Leaving him in a scorching heat. All alone in the crackling room, in a house meant to fall apart.
And falling he did.
The only thing left inside the numbness was a desire. A desire to be real. To fight and see another day. For these who are not here. 

Suddenly there was a deep comforting sound right next to him. At first far away but slowly increasing in volume. Even becoming louder than the roar of the flames. Surrounding him like a comforting blanket. Protecting him from the dark and the monsters.
The sounds continued on…  with time forming the shape of a voice.
He couldn’t make out the words but it was calm and sounded so familiar… so much like home.

“T… … you …oing … be fine. We … all here … others …ve calmed down.”

When he slowly could get his eye to focus on the dark figure cradling his face, he realised it was Seonghwa.
His loyal Seonghwa, who had been by his side since the beginning. Always right behind him and backing him up. His beautiful gorgeous Seonghwa who had his hands on the sides of his cheeks and was bleeding from his left temple. Hongjoongs body only sluggishly responded to his commands but slowly he lifted a trembling hand towards the red liquid running down from Seonghwas hairline.
“You are injured.” It left his lips as a quiet whisper.
The dark haired man sighed deeply and closed his eyes for a brief moment. “Yes, but so are you.” When he opened his eyes they were unfocused. Doing that thing again.
No matter how many times Hongjoong witnessed him doing that. It was always a little bit unsettling. Especially when he knew the consequences of what came as the aftermath.

Chapter Text

“No! Please stop. You have done enough already!” Hongjoong didn’t care that he was begging. His dignity had been lost since the day they got defeated. 

The moment when he couldn’t protect his crew, when he let his family down.
 They were hunted down, assaulted and brutally attacked. No one was spared from injures nor the pointless suffering. It had been a stroke of luck that everyone even survived. Afterwards they promised to revenge themselves and swore to find a way back together.
They did, but it had been a painful road.
So he couldn’t risk them getting hurt anymore. He couldn’t risk losing anyone. Especially not Seonghwa.

“Please” his voice wavered as their leader clung to the oldest face. Hands cradling his cheeks, praying for him to stop torturing himself and just come back. To remain conscious and let the others handle it. 
He was completely unprepared for the tears finding their way down his cheeks. His role was to be strong and take care of the others. Not crying buckets in the midst of them being followed.
Clenching his eyes shut he tried to get his thoughts straight.
Holding his breath he centred himself and thought back to their promise. 
The one they made way back in time. When they were still in the warehouse.

Hongjoong was their captain.
So he finally did what a good leader was there for.
Leading their crew and guiding them safely through dangerous situations. Doing everything in his power to ensure their wellbeing and making sure nobody is left behind.
His next words were filled with a newfound resolve and confidence which he had lost a few weeks prior.
“Yunho I swear to every God we know that if ya don’t drive faster you are gonna be on laundry duty for the next two years!” Silence followed his statement but no answer was needed. The thought of them getting killed first by their pursuers remained unspoken in the air. But the angsty air shifted a little. They got their Captain back. There was a lot to talk about and things to clear but for now, they were all finally together again. 
“I am going as fast as possible but our friends there apparently got the same speed limit!” Came then the response from up front. “Where are we even driving to?” A timid voice spoke up from the back. He wasn’t sure who said that but his assumption was on Yeosang.

“Well I thought to our safe house. I was hoping we could get rid of them before then.” 
Hongjoongs mind was racing with options, calculations and unknown factors. He didn’t knew enough. Would they truly be safe in the place Yunho was currently heading to? How long would they have until they were found again? His eyes flew over the interior until it landed on a tiny bunny plushie dangling in the front. Wooyoung named it Mito and it was one of the few things that they had left from their home. A thought struck him. If they had enough of a head start… maybe get a few more minutes between them, then they could…

“San, pass my compass to the front.” A smirk found its way on his face. He must have looked completely out of his mind. But yeah, he was crazy for his crew. (And maybe a bit delirious from the pain)
Handing the mentioned object from San to the driver, Hongjoongs shoulder decided it was a good moment to get attention. Now that the numbness had faded it was like being dumped with a bucket of cold water. Though instead of water there was only pain. His entire body felt like it was on fire and his eye signalled every other second that something wasn’t right. It all just felt so wrong. Regardless of the reminder that his not only his mind but also his body were in shambles, he gave further instructions to his crew.

“Yunho follow the needle. You know how to read it. Yeosang  continue looking at our friends and Wooyoung? Please try shooting at them again. You don’t have to hit their tires but at least slow them down. We need more space between us.” The entire time he spoke Hongjoongs gaze didn’t stirred from his second in commands unmoving form. He was staring back now fully in the present and in control. It had taken longer than earlier. The moment the right door opened Hwas and Hongjoongs eyes met in the middle. Looking intensely and conversing so many emotions.
The air was rushing inside and the intense pressure came back on their ears. Wooyoung buckled one leg in but instead of just turning his head and aiming at their pursuers he twisted and leaned more than half of his torso outside. Using his legs as an anchor to the vehicle. 
His fingers had a white knuckled grip on the weapon with a steadiness that was quite impressive, considering their current situation. 

San lunged forward and reached above the seats to grab the back of Wooyoungs jacket. The first shot of the second round was fired. Nobody spoke up as the battle of bullets went on. A tense silence enveloped them in a tight embrace. Either ready to free them or guide them once again towards hell.

———

Seonghwa sighed deeply and now looked at his captain. Unbuckling his seatbelt he spoke up. This time with no remains of the earlier coldness. “Good now that these are taken care of-
can one of you please hand me my medic kit?”
The last part was directed towards the back of the vehicle. Jongho was the first to react and grabbed the mentioned item.

Thanking him Seonghwa continued staring at the leader who had trouble keeping his eyes open. “I hope you are aware that you are a fucking stupid idiot.”
Without missing a beat the sexy-conscious man replied: “You committed yourself to this idiot though.” He only received a huff as an answer.

Deep inside Seonghwa could cry at the sight of his captain. He was in bad shape. Not only in the physically aspect but that is a thought he has to save for later. Now his job is to make sure their stupid leader won’t bleed out. With cautious hands he slid the jacket down his shoulders and started opening up the buttons of his dress shirt. Mentally praying for only surface level injuries. The sight that treated him though was even worse than he originally expected. Deep gashes along the torso, some appearing to be already a few days old and some others barely a few hours fresh. There was dirt mingled inside the blood and he could actually see to the bone in one particular wound. A few stripes of ripped clothing acted as made up bandages. Crisscrossing Hongjoongs torso, but they were completely soaked through and hanging on with their last thread. (Pun intended) 

Seonghwa gaped with an open mouth. Thoughts raising in his mind left and right. ‘How much did their leader suffer? How did he even acquire so many injuries? Who inflicted them? Why didn’t they got to him son-‘ He was broken out of his thoughts by a touch to his cheek. Hongjoongs single eye was looking at him. Reading all the emotions from him like flipping through a book. All for him to see.

With hurt painted all over his face he couldn’t hold in his words anymore.
“Fuck, how are you even still alive? I-… I am so glad you are still alive.” His voice hitched in the last sentence and he took a deep breath before he would completely crack. Looking down he tried his best to maintain his composure. He couldn’t lose himself now. Not when his family was so vulnerable and injured. Not when Hongjoong needed him.

Breathing deeply he gazed towards the reason for the blood stench. Reeling his emotions back he got to work. “I need water and some towels.” Finally getting to work Seonghwa poured disinfectant on a clean washcloth to start on the gashes. Trying to find out the direct edges of the injuries.
Cleaning up dried crusts as well as fresh still oozing blood.

———

“We can not drive in circles forever.” 
“You are right.” Hongjoong was the one to speak up this time. With resolution in his demeanour he continued and voiced his next command. “Yunho take us to the ship. It’s time for us to finally get away from here.” He paused for a moment and a slight smile found its way to his face. 
“Let’s finally go home.”