Archive of Our Own ^beta

A groan, accompanied by a pair of feet kicking onto a coffee table with a distinct lack of concern. That was the usual.

"He almost knocked over the tea..." Glass took note, bearing an unassured smile.

It wasn't like knocking things off the table was a new thing either. It was all part of Dr.Glass's unfortunate schedule.

"Right, well... Let's get right to it then!-" He spoke with false enthusiasm. "-So, how has your week so far?" With a confidence that quickly faltered.

His patient responded with silence, accompanied by a smug grin.

Dr.Glass sighed, he wished he wasn't so difficult. But on the contrary-

"It's been real good, actually." A response.

Dr.Glass's eyes opened and his tone shifted to one of genuine curiosity.

"Oh! Really? Could you tell me what made it so nice?"

Silence again. Glass could feel his soul shrivel up. He didn't know why he expected anything out of this. By far he was his worst patient, and that's saying a lot.

"Look- Jack, please. I know you've wanted to stop with these sessions for a while but there's nothing I can do to stop them. They're ordered-"

"-By O5. Yeah, yeah, I know that part, Glass. Told me a million times- and it's not like you need a genius to figure out it's them that wants to keep my mind actually in my head."

A huff and hand gestures.

"You make it sound like the O5 is doing something horrendous by that, why?"

His patient swiped his feet to the floor and leaned forward.

"I don't need them acting like anything near caring towards me, it's the fucking O5. Heartless, estranged and secretive."

"Estranged?"

"Yes- Wait, no. Sorry, ostracised. Estranged makes it sound like they cared at one point."

Dr.Glass raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you so against them?"

His patient crossed his arms. "Believe me, Glass. You don't wanna know."

"Well, as a therapist, I believe it's my job to know, actually."

"Noooo, you don't get it. I'm saying if I tell you, they'll kill you."

"Well... Maybe they won't in this situation?" Glass challenged meekly. He wanted to call out a bluff, maybe finally be told something of substance.

His patient stared back, eyes almost squinting as if to calculate the chances. He blinked and leaned backwards.

"Then let's just say... that one of them is a deadbeat." That smug grin returns.

Glass blanked for a moment, and tilted his head.

"What?- I mean, sure we can't say for sure what they're doing but... Wait. You're not implying that-"

And the bastard broke into laughter.

"You're serious?!- Wait, Jack, that's not something to joke about- Are you lying or-"

"Glass, last time I checked?-" He giggled. "-My name wasn't Alto Clef, so no. I'm not lying."

"Well... That's something to take note of, I suppose..."

His patient's smile faltered and he looked away. Dr.Glass couldn't help but notice the grip his hands had on the cushions.

"Is... something else on your mind?"

"No. Nothing. Christ I really don't get why I'm forced to be here." A change in body language.

"Well, clearly someone cares for you, even if just a bit... and in any case, I think it's better for your sanity to comply."

"I think that this shit gets on my nerves."

"And why are you so upset?"

"Because this doesn't work! No attempt to 'correct my behaviour' or any amount of therapy actually works, Glass. At least I get a little peace of mind knowing I'll outlive you and I won't need to deal with your unbearable softie-ness. No amount of you is gonna fix all this." He gestured at himself seeming disgusted.

"No, it won't. You're right. I can't fix you, Jack."

Jack was taken aback.

He straightened his back and his brows furrowed. "The fuck you playing at...?"

"I can't fix you, plain and simple. That's something you have to do-"

"Ohhh cut the crap with all that!" He sounded irritated beyond belief. "You always say that, but that's not what I fucking want. What would be the point anyway? It wouldn't last- nothing will! In the end, I'll be a piece of rock floating across space with nobody. What's self-care gonna do then, huh?"

"You always think of the endpoint instead of the present, that's not good for you-"

"What would be good for me would be smashing your goddamn teacup against your head!"

Silence. The routine. The teacup sits on the coffee table. The tea is getting cold.

"...There's more than just eternity out there, Jack. There's people. I know that's 'temporary' to you but isn't that better than nothing?"

"I have more than nothing, way more. Y'know contrary to popular belief, some people actually like me and I do have friends. Besides, even without them, I have the thrill to keep me going! It's like cocaine, but better! Trust me, I've tried." That smug grin returns.

Dr.Glass groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Jack, please take this seriously...! You can't tell me you're fine with just living out your immortal life as a thrill seeker! What about connection- Deep connection, y'know? Something intimate, a-and it doesn't have to be romantic! Just... something that feels 'real'? Why are you just so okay with letting yourself go?!"

His patient's demeanour changed entirely. It felt like a mime had wiped their face paint away, leaving their bare skin exposed to the world.

"Because I was made for this, dickface. Every step of the way through I was bred to be the monster I am, both literally and figuratively. Though, it's not like my parents were the ones nurturing me, hell them disappearing would be no different than how they've taken their sides. Y'know how many times I get to see them a year, Glass? ZERO. Fucking nada." It was as if every word he spoke imbued a higher level of hatred in him.

"Sometimes, that makes me want to tear the whole goddamn Foundation down just to spite him specifically. I could commit identity theft so under the radar that they would only know it's too late because I'd announce it to mock them all. I could kill you right here and get away with it!" His hands were out palm side up, and his fingers strained, yearning to do something. Though, that died down in seconds.

"...But I'm not as much of a bastard like Clef, so I won't. I wouldn't dare be that much of a problem so that the Foundation would put my head on a hit list and try to 'Contain contain' me with the same amount of hate they have for Kondraki. I wouldn't even try to find a permanent off like Iceberg did, poor fuck. I was perfectly made, with just the right level of morality and just enough brains to make me a tool, even if I'm an annoying tool at that. So why bother challenging the universe when I know I'd lose?"

He slumped back down and sunk into the couch, refusing to make any further eye contact.

"...So you aren't even gonna...try?"

"I hate it, but these are the cards I've been dealt Glass. I hate it and one day I might just break that god given compass and go south. I hate it, and I know it's inevitable. I'll lose myself one day, might as well give that loser a head start."

Glass couldn't deny how broken of a man sat in front of him. He couldn't help but wonder how the world lets things like this happen. He knows there's even more than just this that bothers his patient, after all TJ hasn't even been brought up. He couldn't help but empathise with that looming dread his patient lives with. How the world one day might fly past him and leave him alone, permanently.

It all sunk deep in his chest. It was clear to him how right he was when he said he couldn't help him, and that truth might just be the worst part. Despite the warnings from his intuition, he attempted to speak up.

"But you're just alright with letting yourself go?-"

His patient slammed his hands on the table.

"WELL WHAT THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO DO THEN, HUH? GET A LIFE? MAKE NEW FRIENDS AND LIVE IN THE PRESENT? TAKE CARE OF MYSEELF? WHAT IS THAT GONNA DO WHEN THE TIME COMES? WHAT'S IT GONNA DO WHEN EVERYTHING IS SLOWLY STRIPPED AWAY AGAIN? WHEN EVERYONE YOU CARE ABOUT IS BIT OFF ONE BY ONE, AGAIN?! WHAT WILL YOU SAY WHEN YOU'RE FLOATING OFF INTO NOTHING, WHEN NOT EVEN STARS LIGHT UP YOUR LIVING CORPSE? WHAT WILL YOU TELL GOD WHEN ALL THAT'S LEFT IN THE WORLD IS YOU AND YOU ALONE? WILL YOU BEG? WILL CRY? WILL YOU SWEAR AT GOD HIMSELF FOR HIS SELFISHNESS AND KILL HIM YOURSELF? OR WILL YOU SHUT UP BECAUSE IT'S ALREADY FUCKING OVER AND YOU WERE MARKED THE LOSER BEFORE THE GAME EVEN STARTED!?"

Dr.Glass flinched, a face of genuine fear and empathetic sorrow on full display. It was accompanied by silence. The Routine.

He cleared his throat and attempted to get through to his patient.

"I know... I know none of what you said is gonna be easy... But wouldn't it make it more bearable in the end? To have good memories to look back on? Wouldn't it be better to have people to miss than none at all? ... You can't keep living like this, Jack. You can't keep living like nothing matters, because it does. You aren't broken beyond repair like you think you are...!"

"Then fix me yourself." His patient stood and started making his way to the door.

"Jack- I wasn't trying to upset you!" He stood and followed his patient, standing between his way and the door. "But I'm not just gonna let you leave- Not after that! Just a few more minutes- please, just-"

"And what? You'll keep asking me shit I know the answer to? Keep playing with me? Keep pleading for me to grow a heart or two? I told you, this doesn't work. When I break, Simon, I'll come and get you first."

Dr.Glass gulped and looked away for a second to recompose himself.

"I'm not trying to pester you or make your life a living hell! I'm trying to help you! I'm just doing my job, just as you are- and I don't want to watch you break! You don't need a heart you- you need..." He trailed off.

"I need a goddamn cigarette." He looked past Dr.Glass and shoved him away from the door, making his exit.

Glass stumbled and watched. He wanted to chase him down, get him back to sit on the couch, but he knew it was useless. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.

"Fuck."

The doors to the roof creaked open, though Dr.Glass wasn't worried about the noise for now. He walked over to find his patient leaning on the railing and smoking a cigarette.

He didn't even turn around to greet him, instead, he just looked to the burning orange sky as it was about to set and spoke.

"Took you long enough to find me, I was almost hoping you wouldn't show up." He tapped on his cigarette.

Glass gave a slight smile, but he was still worried.

"Well, I mean, there aren't many places you would've gone. This was my second guess, the first one was your office."

"And you were right this time! Congratulations! You win... absolutely nothin. Hooray" He announced, dripping with sarcasm and laughed.

Dr.Glass rolled his eyes but couldn't help a smirk from the corniness.

"Why are you up here, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Waiting to see if my hunch is true."

"Oh? A hunch? What kind?"

"I'm waiting to test just exactly how far you'll go for your job, for me. See how much of a tool you really are, and if you actually give a shit or if it's all an act, Glass. Your type is rare in the Foundation, even your files say so."

Dr.Glass was quiet for a moment as his expression shifted.

"I do care. I care a lot. About you, about all my patients- and even the people who aren't. I care about everyone!"

His patient dropped the cigarette and watched it tumble down the side of the building, slowly.

"Uhuh. Now why is that, Glass? What makes you care?"

He watched the cigarette with a newfound emotion stabbing at the bottom of his stomach.

"I... Uhm. I care because I'm worried. Everyone deserves to have someone by them. Everyone deserves to live happily... even you. You know how much you're hurting, you're so self-aware- you even spell out how to make it better for yourself so I know it's possible! Is wanting to help you, to nudge you in the right direction, is that really a crime?"

"Well if it was one, you'd be the only criminal charged for it. Really, I don't know why you think I'm capable of being 'fixed'. I'm a product, Glass, not Playdough."

"Well, it's because you are capable! I know you can get better, even if you don't think so. I know somewhere in you is a hurt man, maybe even a hurt kid, who just needed someone. Let me be that for you! Let me be the person that should have been there, let me help you."

His patient looked bored.

"...Christ. You talk like a Disney character, Glass." He laughs, but it feels wrong. "You wanna see it then, don't you? Me at my worst?"

Dr.Glass was confused, he knew something was about to happen, but he wasn't sure what.

"Yes... Yes, I want to see you at your worst, Jack. I want to see you, the real person behind all the shenanigans, all the games, all the complaint files. I want to see you, not an scp with a designated number, but you."

"...Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you." His patient stood atop the railing and stared down at him.

Glass reached his hand out but froze, unsure either to try and pull him down or listen to make sure he doesn't make it any worse.

"Oh god, I'm about to watch a car crash." He thought. "Jack! Be careful, what are you-" he cut himself off. "This... This is where you test me, isn't it?" He finished.

"Well! You're smarter than you seem then, so yes!-" His voice was filled with a crooked cheeriness.

The wind blew from behind his patient, his lab coat flapping in the wind.

Dr.Glass was shocked he could even keep his balance.

"-So tell me, Glass, if you've been paying attention then what's the one thing keeping me going?"

Glass hesitated, he could feel his heart ready to jump out of his chest and drag his patient off the railing.

"The... The only thing keeping you going is the thrill, right?"

"Correct! And do you know what's the highest a man can be?"

He knew where this was all leading to, but he was helpless to stop it.

"The highest a man can be... is on the edge. Balancing the tightest ropes possible, walking on the thinnest lines."

"Correct again, Glassy-boy!" He spoke with sheer anticipation. "Now here's the million dollar question! What is the tightest rope possible, what do you call that highest edge, the absolute thinnest line?"

A beat.

"The line between life and death itself."

His patient wore a nasty grin.

"And now, I get to earn your prize."

The patient had disappeared while Dr.Glass refused to look over the railing.

Silence. The Routine.