Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lenore: If Prospero and I were drowning, who would you save?

Annabel: you two can't swim?

Lenore: this is a hypothetical question Annabel! Who would you save!?

Annabel: my time and effort

Morella: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight?

Eulalie: Why?

Morella: lenore fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours.

Lenore: morella doesn't know how to banish spirits, so she just throws salt at them and yells "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"

Duke: Watcha doin?

Lenore: Stealing my fiancée's cat.

Duke: Scandalous.

Duke: Can I help?

Eulalie: Just be careful Pluto!

Pluto: *heading out the door* I'm always careful eulalie!

Pluto: It's everything around me that's careless.

Annabel: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer 'has alternative ways of having fun’

Lenore: So, are you two dating now?

Ada & Morella": Yes.

Duke: Why?

Ada: I happen to find morella very appealing.

Lenore: Yeah, we can understand that we're trying to figure out what's wrong with morella

*standing infront of the kettle and tea cups*

Annabel: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

*Everyone*

Morella:  ..I did. I broke it.

Annabel: No. No you didn't. Ada?

Ada: Don't look at me. Look at lenore!

Lenore: What! I didn't break it!?

Ada: Huh, that's weird How'd you even know it was broken??

Lenore: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken...

Ada: Suspicious.

Lenore: No it's not!

Duke: If it matters, probably not, but berenice was the last one to use it.

Berenice: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Duke: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the tea cart earlier?

Berenice: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that Duke

Morella Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it

Annabel No! Who broke it!?

...

Ada: annabel... those two have been awfully quiet. *points to eulalie and pluto*

Eulalie: REALLY!?

*everyone yelling*

Annabel drinking tea with prospero: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Annabel I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Prospero: ...

Prospero: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Montresor: Why am I the bad guy?

Ada: I don't know. why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.

Lenore: Where are you going?

Annabel: To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one

Lenore: I told you I did! Its coming here on Friday!

*Duke knowing full well lenore got her an engagement ring *eats popcorn*

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Lenore: I love you.

Annabel not paying attention: What was that?

Lenore: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Annabel: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.

Prospero: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

Berenice: There's wine in the fridge

Eulalie: What about for the children?

Berenice: You can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the wine

Pluto: Why don't we just give the kids water?

Berenice, angrily: I suppose you could do that!

Eulalie, watching power lines fall down: guys! The town is exploding and it's very pretty!

Duke: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch. 

Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with. 

Duke: Lmao, @Lenore .

Will: Do you want this handful of moss? 

Montresor: Why would I want a handful of fucking moss? 

Ada: Damn, you could’ve just said no.

Lenore: What’s up with you? 

Ada: What do you mean? 

Lenore: You’ve been nice and helpful and considerate all day. What’s your game?

Lenore: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.

Annabel: That's great, Lenore. Especially considering the fact we've been engaged for 2 fucking years.

Berenice: New year, new me. 

Duke: Bitch, it’s August. 

Berenice: Time is an illusion.

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Annabel: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me? 

Lenore: Depends. Is your bed comfortable? 

Annabel: Yes. 

Lenore: I'd sleep.

Duke: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue? 

Prospero : Technically a mix of green and blue? 

Duke: So blurple. 

Prospero : That's implying you're mixing blue and purple. 

Duke: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE? 

Prospero : You were confusing before but now I'm scared.

Will, on the phone: What’s up, Monstressor? 

Monstressor: I’m sitting in a pool of blood. 

Will: …Um, is it YOUR blood? 

Monstressor: I think so. 

Will: Do you know where the blood’s coming from? 

Monstressor: Probably the stab wound. 

Will: YOU’VE BEEN STABBED?! 

Monstressor: Oh, yeah, definitely.

Lenore, throwing their head into Annabel's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! 

Annabel, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

Duke: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED! 

Duke: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY! 

Lenore: Duke just threw a tantrum about a chair. 

Lenore: I just won Duke Tantrum Bingo.

Berenice: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange? 

Eulalie: Which came first, the orange or the orange? 

Duke: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago. 

Pluto: What was the color called before then? 

Lenore: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

Lenore: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds? 

Annabel: Yes? 

Lenore: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days. 

Annabel: Fuck. 

Lenore: It's gonna be a fun week! 

Annabel: I'm going to Prospero's house. 

Lenore: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker.

Waiter: What would you like? 

Eulalie: Bring a milkshake with two straws. 

Pluto: *blushes* 

Eulalie: *puts both straws in their mouth* Watch how fast I can drink this!!

Lenore: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Ada. 

Lenore: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for. 

Lenore: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it. 

Ada: Hmm... I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either. 

Lenore: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though. 

Ada: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it. 

Lenore: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

Pluto: Can I go to the pool? 

Duke: Sure, we’ll go as soon as I’m free. 

Pluto: No, can I go by myself? 

Duke: You don’t want to go with me? 

Pluto: You just go around challenging random people to cannonball contests. 

Duke: It’s the only way to establish dominance.

Lenore: Do you love me? 

Annabel: We’re literally engaged. 

Lenore: Yeah, but as friends or—

Ada: My hands are cold. 

Morella: Here, let me hold them. 

Ada: My lips are cold too. 

Morella: *covers Ada's mouth with their hand*

Prospero: And what did we learn, Annabel ? 

Annabel : Tackling someone isn’t the correct response to being asked a simple question.

Eulalie: *cooking* 

Berenice: *kicks down door* 

Berenice: *grabs knife from Eulalie's hand* 

Berenice: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR? 

Eulalie: 

Eulalie: What. 

Lenore : They're trying to tell you they want to cook.

Berenice: Something tells me Lenore 's going to be a bit more unhinged today... 

Lenore , holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Annabel isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

Lenore: Bro- 

Annabel: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro?

Ada: And if you have any suggestions, please put them in the suggestion box. 

Lenore: That’s a trash can.

Will: Th-that was horrible! Your wish is horrible! You’re horrible! You’re an irredeemable monster! 

Monstressor: Woah, woah! What took you so long, idiot?!

Duke: You're violent. 

Berenice: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

Lenore: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. 

Annabel: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. 

Lenore: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? 

Annabel: Is it working?

Morella: The joy of hanging out with Lenore. You look away for 5 seconds to make sure something is set up correctly, and they bite the tip of a marker off.

Berenice: Ooh, somebody has a crush 

Pluto: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Eulalie I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. 

*Later that night* 

Pluto, very much awake: Uh oh.

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Annabel: I owe you one. 

Lenore: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even

Lenore: This date is boring! 

Annabel: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store. 

Lenore: Then why did you invite me? 

Annabel: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Annabel I'll do whatever I want!

Lenore: You look good in that hoodie. 

Annabel: You know where else I'd look good? 

Lenore, zero hesitation: My bed. 

Annabel, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Lenore: We have a problem. 

Annabel: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Annabel: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- 

Lenore: I wrote you a poem. 

Annabel, already crying: You did?

Lenore: BE A BETTER PERSON! 

Annabel: WHY?! 

Lenore: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

Annabel: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. 

Lenore: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely* 

Annabel: That one. I want that one.

Annabel: Goodnight to the love of my life, Lenore, and fuck the rest of y'all.

Lenore: You have to apologize to them Annabel. 

Annabel: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with

Annabel: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you... 

Lenore: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

Annabel: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? 

Lenore: It was autocorrect. 

Annabel: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? 

Lenore: Yes.

Annabel: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. 

Lenore: Wow. They sound stupid. 

Annabel: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense. 

Lenore: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” 

Annabel: I guess you’re right. Hey Lenore, I love you. 

Lenore: See! Just say that! 

Annabel: Holy fucking shit. 

Lenore: If that flies over their head then, sorry Annabel, but they're too dumb for you. 

Annabel: Lenore.

Lenore: *angrily presses Annabel against a wall* WHERE'S DUKE?! 

Annabel: ... 

Annabel: Are we about to kiss-

Annabel: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?

Ada: What’s up your ass this morning!

Lenore: *walks in* ...Hey.

Ada: Hmm… nevermind.

Annabel: WAIT NO!

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Duke: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Lenore way.

Pluto: Isn't that the wrong way?

Duke: Yeah but it's faster.

Berenice: Just say when. 

Eulalie: When. 

Berenice: i-...

Berenice: Now or later?..

Eulalie: Oh

Lenore: Sorry I'm late. I was...doing stuff

Ada: SHE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!!!

Pluto: Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices?

Duke: just six please. I don’t think I could eat eight

Ada: They made Morella cry!

Bereince: morella always cries

Morella: That's not true! *cries*

Eulalie tearing up the room: Where are they?..Who took them. Who moved my children?

Eulalie: Somebody took my Jelly beans and now I am going to start murdering

Lenore: Our daughters finally learning to stand up for herself!

Annabel: Mhm, we're very proud of her

Morella: did I get promoted to ‘daughter’ without my own knowledge?

Berenice: Here's two facts about me.

Berenice: 1. I hate hot people.

Berenice: 2. I'm a hypocrite.

*Dinner with the neverwhores*

Morella: this food is to cute! I can't eat it!

Duke: 

Pluto: 

Berenice:

Will: 

Montresor: 

Lenore:

Eulalie: 

Ada: ...your cute but I'd still eat y-

Prospero: ONE DINNER

Annabel: *sighs* Here we go again..

Prospero: ALL I ASK FOR IS ONE NORMAL DINNER!

Montresor: Tomorrow's garbage day.

Ada: I still can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

*berenice, lenore and Duke casually searching through Netflix* 

Morella: Hey what’re you guys looking for? 

Lenore: our will to live

Berenice: our reason to stay in this hell hole

*Mean girls pops up* 

Lenore, berenice and duke: FINALLY SOMETHING TO STAY FOR!

Ada: Being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world.

Annabel: Unless you're home alone.

Duke being robbed: Have mercy! I have a family! A wife and kids and...a dog…

Prospero: absolutely none of that "information" is correct, duke

Duke: m'kay but I’m sexy, That’s gotta count for something!

Lenore: a mosquito tried to bite me so I slapped it, killing it

Lenore: and I started thinking

Lenore: what if I went to the fridge and just slammed the door shut on my neck and it snapped it

Lenore: how would I feel?

Ada: are you OK...

Duke: I see you've been spending alot of time with Annabel lately..

Lenore: it's not what it looks like I swear!

Duke: oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?

Lenore: no Duke! Your the only one for me!

Duke: is that so.

Lenore: Duke I swear! Annabel and I are just engaged, she's my fiancée!

Duke: so there's no best friends feelings involved?.. 

Lenore: you are my one and only best friend! She's just the love of my life, nothing more!

Duke: but, I'm still the platonic love of your life right?

Lenore: of course bro!

Duke: bro!

Ada: alright what the fu-

Berenice: you can never loose an argument if you add "shut up nerd" at the end

Pluto: yes you can

Berenice: shut up nerd

Prospero: why are people so obsessed with tops and bottoms?

Morella: right? Like I'd just be happy to have a bunk bed.

Ada:

Duke:

Berenice:

Lenore: ...I'm gonna tell them

Annabel: don't you fucking dare