Archive of Our Own ^beta

Blaine wasn’t sure why he came here.

He remembered he’d been here once before- when Jeff’s mom had gotten sick and all the Warblers had gathered themselves together to come pray for her. It had been strange, walking through those doors for the first time. Everything had been so strikingly new, yet oddly familiar. Like he knew it all, even if he wasn’t sure how. He remembered the way he’d felt like he’d been dunked under cold water when Sebastian Smythe bowed his head and prayed. The way everything suddenly hit him- how real the entire situation was, how dire Jeff’s mom’s state was, how entirely out of place Blaine felt sitting on those wooden pews.

He never expected to be back.

He wasn’t sure what took him here now. All he knew was that when he heard about it, he started walking, and his feet had carried him here. They’d taken him right to the outside of those large wooden doors, the ones he’d pushed in so easily, slipping into the warmth of the room inside. The carpet had muffled the echo his shoes would have normally made. It was dead silent when he started down the aisle, eyes gazing over the colored windows above. He’d slipped into the front row. He sat right where he was last time. And he wasn’t even sure why.

Maybe it had been thirty minutes, maybe an hour, that he’d been sitting there when he suddenly wasn’t alone anymore. Long legs slid next to his, and a flash of velvety green peeked at him from the corner of his eye. He didn’t tear his gaze away from the glass window above, scrutinizing the figure in hopes he’d find all his answers there. When Blaine didn’t say anything, neither did Sebastian. So they sat in silence.

“… I don’t know what I’m doing here,” he finally admitted, gaze trained on the blue glass above his head. He felt a pair of eyes bore into him, the heavy look Sebastian always gave him when they got serious. He didn’t dare look over, just cleared his throat and turned to the marble.

“Maybe you’re just seeking comfort,” came the response, and Blaine wanted to laugh. Or cry. There were a million remarks he could make to that, a billion arguments to be fought. He could’ve said any of them to Sebastian at that moment and it would have made perfect sense. Instead, he shook his head and cleared his throat.

“Why?”

Sebastian turned away from him, looking at the window, instead. He hummed, like he always did when he thought. “It’s the one place you feel like you won’t be judged.”

Of course, Sebastian understood him better than he understood himself. He squeezed his eyes shut when tears threatened to spill, biting his tongue and tilting his head up. Sebastian knew. He felt a hand on his knee, and he let out a shuddery breath.

“My dad’s in the hospital,” he said.

Sebastian hummed. “I know.”

“I don’t know why I even came here,” he repeated, and the meaning was different this time. Finally, he met Sebastian’s gaze, eyes wet. His dad, who had barely spoken twenty sentences to Blaine in the years after he came out. His dad, who had skipped coming to the hospital after Sadie Hawkins because Blaine signed himself up for it. His dad, who’d spent his first ever quality time with Blaine fixing up a car, in hopes to fix Blaine, too. Blaine felt something well up in the back of his throat, and a wry laugh escaped him. “I think I came here to pray.”

Sebastian studied him, obviously fighting himself on what to say next, before Blaine’s hand found his own. “I don’t know what to do next,” Blaine whispered, and Sebastian seemed to make up his mind. He turned toward him, holding out his other hand. Blaine gave it to him as he faced him fully.

Sebastian clasped their hands, then rubbed his thumbs over the back of Blaine’s. “… I’ll lead, okay? Is there anything specific you want me to pray for? Other than your father’s health?”

Blaine swallowed and shook his head, staring up at Sebastian as he nodded. His eyes slipped shut, so Blaine did the same. Of course, Sebastian knew what to do. Blaine took a deep breath as the other’s voice carried over to him, and he relaxed a bit. He still wasn’t sure why he came here, but he knew it felt right. And maybe that was enough.