Chapter 1: Soot's Shit Ass Lecture
Chapter Text
Last summer Tommy had decided to apply to the AdvancedLearners program at his secondary school for shits and giggles, now he was sitting half asleep in his A.L English class listening to Mr. Soot drone on about Shakespeare and Aristotle and he wanted nothing more than to slap July-Tommy square in the face for fucking October-Tommy over like this.
Seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to apply to a program for academically driven nerds when Tommy spent every school day just counting down the seconds until he could go home?
He was finally starting to block out the sounds of Mr. Soots' voice when he was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to face his best friend and spoke with a tired and bored expression,
“Yes, Tubbo?”
Tubbo smiled at the blonde and whispered,
“Um.. were you paying attention?”
He asks gingerly,
“No? It was your turn to take notes”
Tommy whispers back with a frown. Tommy and Tubbo took turns paying attention to Mr. Soots lectures since neither of them particularly cared about the class enough to always be listening so if Tubbo hadn’t been awake or listening and neither had Tommy then the boys may have missed some pretty important shit,
“Yeah I know, I kinda dozed off though..?”
The brunette hesitantly says with a nervous smile, causing Tommy’s frown to deepen,
“You what ?”
However, before Tubbo could say anything more their conversation was interrupted by the familiar cough of their teacher. Tommy quickly turned back towards Mr. Soot and stared at him along with his friend.
“Anything you’d like to share with the class, Mr. Simons?”
The man asks with a deadpan stare,
“Um- no sir, sorry” ,
Tommy says with an awkward look as the rest of the class turns its attention to him. Tommy hated moments like these, when Mr. Soot would specifically call him out for things even though he almost never did this with any other students. Even if someone else had been talking or dozing off at the same time as Tommy, Mr. Soot would only call out him . It was total bullshit. He shrunk back in his chair a little with a little bit of frustration and a bit of awkwardness, just waiting for class to end.
When the clock finally hit 11:50 and the bell rang, Tommy was one of the first ones out the door along with Tubbo. Once they were in the hall Tommy turned to Tubbo with wide eyes and put his hands on the boys shoulders,
“You weren’t paying attention?!”
Tommy shouts frantically,
“I was up late last night and I just couldn’t keep focused today!”
Tubbo shouts back, frantic like Tommy but also a bit apologetic,
“Tubbo” , Tommy groans in frustration, “he was doing test review for the unit test! We’re gonna fail if he doesn’t upload his lecture on classroom!”
“I know,” Tubbo retorts, “maybe Ranboo can help?”
“MATE. Ranboo said they wouldn’t let us cheat off him after last time!”
“We can try!?”
“Ugh” Tommy groans again, letting go of Tubbo and dramatically bringing his hands to his head, “If they don’t help us then we’re fucked, I hope you know that.”
Tubbo sighs and nods, his expression as if he’d just lost $100,000 in a gambling incident. “Let’s just go find him” Tubbo says before grabbing Tommy’s wrist, dragging him down the hall while he groans and drags his feet. They find Ranboo where they usually sit in the school's atrium and the duo quickly run up to him.
“Ranboo!”
Tommy shouts frantically as if this were a life or death situation, causing Ranboo to jump and quickly look at the pair with an expression of concern,
“Tommy? Tubbo? What happened?”
“We need your help,”
Tubbo whines,
“Why? What is it?”
The teen asks with increasing anxiety,
“Please can you help us with English?”
Tubbo asks with a desperate expression, Tommy rapidly nodding with an expression as if to say “Please, you’re our only hope” . When Ranboo hears this, his anxious appearance immediately vanishes to be replaced by a deadpan stare, as if the two were absolutely ridiculous but he wasn’t even surprised at this point.
“Really? Again?”
Ranboo speaks with a tone reminiscent of weariness,
“ Please Ran, we really need it this time”
Tommy says this time, almost pleading with their friend
“You say that every time, Tommy”
Ranboo says with a groan,
“I know we do but we really really do need it this time! Neither of us were paying attention to Mr. Soot and the unit test is coming up!”
The blonde whines, causing Ran to sigh,
“If I help you two now this is the last time for the rest of the term”
He says with annoyance, though no real anger for the two boys. Tubbo and Tommy perk up with wide smiles,
“Thank you, Boo! You’re a lifesaver” , Tubbo says with a laugh, “We’d fail without you man, thanks” , Tommy says with a smile and relieved sigh. Ranboo stares at them for a moment before smiling a bit, smirking almost,
“Of course. But , there's a catch..”
Ranboo says ominously. The two boys faces drop and they look at the taller teen with nervous and cautious expressions,
“What ‘catch’..?”
Tommy is the first to speak, his tone hesitant,
“You guys need to come to my house for dinner tonight!”
Ranboo says with a happy smile, though there was a hint of plotting smirk on his lips. Tubbo and Tommy both seem slightly surprised for a moment before Tubbo speaks up again,
“That's the catch? You’re just gonna.. make us dinner?”
He asks with confusion. Ranboo smiles and nods happily,
“Mhm! I’m gonna cook you guys dinner and you are going to enjoy every single bite”
The two boys look at each other with a hint of confusion but ultimately shrug, choosing to ignore the slight hint of mischievousness on Ranboos face. Tommy speaks up to express the pair’s agreement,
“Alright man, whatever makes you help us”
At this Ranboo claps their hands together contently,
“Perfect! I’ll see you two at 7pm at my house for dinner. I’ve gotta go to my Green Advocates meeting with Purpled”
He says before quickly leaving, not giving Tommy or Tubbo time to protest or ask any questions. The two just kinda stand there for a minute before Tommy just turns to Tubbo and says one word,
“Bad’s?”
At this Tubbo shrugs and nods before they both walk towards the door to the parking lot and to Tommy’s car, heading to Bad’s Cafe like they did every Friday for lunch.
Chapter Text
After school and daily necessities were finished, Tubbo and Tommy found themselves standing at the front door of Ranboo’s home. The pair was still a bit suspicious of the seemingly not-catchy-catch that came with their agreement with their friend but decided to go anyway, knocking on the door right at 7pm as promised.
Ranboo came to the door with a smile and rushed them inside with a few quick ‘hellos’ being the only exchange among the three teens. Ranboo swiftly sat his friends down at the table and walked back into the kitchen, speaking to them from the other room.
“I’m almost done cooking! I made a dessert as well. My parents are away on a business trip still or something so it’s just us for dinner”
Ranboo shouts happily from the kitchen. Tubbo is the one to answer, matching his cheerful tone,
“Okay! Um.. thanks for having us for dinner and helping us with English, Boo”
At this, Tommy nods and quickly shouts his own addition to the statement,
“Yeah mate, you’re really saving our asses this time”
The blonde boy says with a small chuckle. Ranboo doesn’t answer immediately however, a few moments of silence before the teen is seen walking into the dining room with a smile on his face and a tray of what seemed to be pasta and garlic bread in their hands.
“Of course, of course. Now, I've prepared a very special meal for you guys! No one ever wants to eat my cooking”
He says with a smile, placing down the food on the table and gesturing for everyone to serve themselves. Tubbo and Tommy both reach forward, placing a generous helping of spaghetti and garlic bread on both their plates, Ranboo following suit. The three of them start to eat almost immediately and are actually a little shocked with the quality of the food prepared. Well, that is until they got to the garlic bread…
Ranboo was munching away happily when Tommy and Tubbo both reached for their (seemingly) normal garlic bread. They both take a bite but almost immediately their expressions fall to disgust and horror, Tommy spitting out his food while Tubbo was too grossed out to do anything more than stare at Ranboo with his mouth full of this atrocity. Tommy spoke up now after a bit of dramatic coughing and gagging,
“I- MATE WHY DID YOU PUT SPAGHETTI AND ICING IN THE FUCKING GARLIC BREAD?”
Tommy sputters. Ranboo looks over at the boy with an innocent expression of confusion,
“What? Don’t you like it? I worked really hard, Tommy”
Tommy was about to shout when suddenly he was interrupted by a hard kick to his shin under the table, courtesy of Tubbo. The brunette finally spoke up after forcing himself to swallow the bite of icing and spaghetti filled garlic bread without gagging,
“Its- its great, Ran! Thanks for dinner, I haven’t had a home cooked meal in a while”
The boy says with a smile, suppressing his expression of disgust and nausea. At this, Ranboo smiled and seemed to perk up,
“Really? You actually like it? Everyone always hates my cooking”
The teen says happily, causing Tommy to reply in a somewhat sarcastic tone,
“Could never imagine why”
“I know! In my opinion I think my spaghetti is very good, I don’t understand why no one else sees it.’
At this Tubbo just kicks Tommy once more and smiles at Ranboo,
“Well thanks, Boo. It’s delicious”
The two boys smile at each other and the rest of the dinner was spent with Ranboo contentedly eating and Tommy and Tubbo discreetly trying not to vomit. After the boys were finally finished eating, Ranboo spoke up again,
“So! Who wants cupcakes?”
When the dessert is mentioned the boys almost pass out from relief. Finally, normal food. Tommy very quickly speaks up now,
“We do! Fucking us. Please”
Ranboo nods with a smile and retreats to the kitchen for a moment before returning with a tray of vanilla cupcakes with pink frosting. The two boys quickly reach for a cupcake each and immediately dig in before… oh no, not again. Tommy holds his mouth and Tubbo swallows with a gag, Tommy loudly voicing his shock and disgust for Ranboos cooking once again,
“WHAT THE FUCK? WHY THE FUCK IS THERE SPAGHETTI IN THE FUCKING CUPCAKES?!”
The boy shouts, causing Ranboo a look of confusion before an innocent smile,
“It’s how I always make them! Grammy’s recipe, it’s my favourite”
Tubbo and Tommy both sit in shock, dumbfounded at the idea that Ranboo’s fucking grandmother had made a recipe for spaghetti cupcakes. The boys were speechless, a few moments of silence at the table before Tubbo’s voice is heard once more,
“Your… your Grammy made this recipe?”
“Mhm! She made me some right before she died!”
“Right before she…” , Tubbo mutters, “um, yeah.. Okay. Uh, thanks for the food, Boo”
Tubbo looks down at his cupcake now, dreading another bite while Ranboo just smiles and starts eating again happily.
They should’ve known this catch was too… simple, to be real.
Notes:
Crack chapter lol