Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Screech bam crash 

There's excruciating pain in Joshua's head and he can't move. He forces himself to open his eyes but it doesn’t work. He can hear the faint sounds of ambulances in the distance.

Jeonghan-cheollie where are you 

Help me please Joshua screams but there's no voice and he feels dizzy with exhaustion

And then the world turns black

From an year ago 

Joshua Hong is 20 when he meets Yoon Jeonghan and Choi Seungcheol. 21 when they ask him out. 23 when he knows he is in love. 24 when moves in to the cute little apartment above the restaurant. 26 when he is married under the stars. 28 when he realizes his husbands might be falling out of love with him.

It happens in bits and pieces, and Shua knows. All the tell tale signs of when Jeonghan and Seungcheol are no longer in love or maybe it’s a just figment of his imagination as this is the seventh date they missed in the last couple of months and Joshua knows and understands how busy they are with their work but these days it feels more and more like Joshua is just another item on their checklist and not their husband.

It’s their weekly date night and Shua is all dressed up with reservations at his favorite restaurant.

It’s 7:30 pm as he is seated by the table waiting for lovers to come. He sits there reading thru the menu picking out his favorites.

It’s 8:30 pm but there’s not a text nor a call from either of his husbands. And at this point Joshua is used to this. There's been way too many missed dinners to count and he doesn't know why he expects them to show up. Maybe cause there's still a part of him that believes that they love him.

He sighs staring at his phone.

“Uhm excuse me sir” He hears the wait staff call out to him.

Oh great he thinks to himself.

“Yes.”

“You’ve been here for a minute and haven’t ordered anything yet and my manager is hounding me about it. So I got you some wine and some snacks on the house but please order something in the next couple of minutes. Thank you sir”

Shua flushes in embarrassment.

“Oh-omg I'm so sorry I was waiting for my husbands but turns out they are running late so I’ll just order for now. Can I get three glasses of Pinot Noir, one risotto and one pan seared scallops with garlic wasabi sauce.Thank you”

“Okay sir. Your food should be out in about 25-30 mins. Thank you”

Shua nods at the waiter returning the menu.

The wine is served almost immediately so Shua picks up the glass and savors the taste. It's exactly how he likes it.

Ping ping ping

Shua is on alert and checks his phone and sighs. There’s not a single text from his husbands but multiple from Seungkwan and Soonyoung asking him about their brunch plans.

Hyung we should do the pottery studio this week and go to Bumblebee for brunch please. They have chilaquiles.

Oh kwannie yes please that'll be super nice. I have so much to tell you

Soonie hyung wait oops just realized shua hyung is on his date rn let’s bother him after.

And Shua is so tempted to answer and say No Kwannie I’m not bothered cause my husbands are nowhere in sight and they haven’t texted me they are barely home and I don’t think they love me anymore.

Instead he simply puts his phone down and drinks another glass of wine. Food is served shortly after but Shua doesn’t have the appetite anymore but still eats.

He orders another glass of wine. 1 turns 4 and he doesn’t know his many glasses in he is but he hears faint voices

“Sir sorry but you can’t go home in this state. Is there someone you’d like to contact to pick you up?”

“-Han”

Shua feels himself drift away before the wait staff comes by informing him that none of his emergency contacts- his husbands picked up.

And suddenly Shua is crying, panicking the wait staff who offers him water and sweets to calm him down.

After what seems like a minute of crying Shua finally asks the staff to call Soonyoung.

He sits there staring at the empty glass of water and thinks about how things have come this far with Jeonghan and Seungcheol. He stares and stares til he feels himself fall asleep.

On the other side of Seoul, Soonyoung is working late at the studio with Chan as they discuss changes to the choreography. He hears his phone ring.

"Shua Hyung?"  He checks the time just to make sure. 

12:07 am. Huh. why is calling now? he wonders to himself.

“Hello Shua hyung, What happ-”

“Hello sir, we are calling from Gardenia, Mr hong is currently asleep at our restaurant cause he drank too much. Could you please come pick him up? We are located next to the Shin Department Store.Thank you”

“Oh omg… what happened and where are his husbands did you call them.?”

“Oh sir sorry we tried reaching out to them multiple times in the last couple of hours but got no reply but it’s past our closing time and we don’t feel comfortable sending  Mr.Hong away by himself so please get here as a soon as possible. Thank you”

Chan and Soonyoung look at each other and quickly scramble.

“I’ll put in the address and bring the car upfront so you can finish locking up” Chan runs out jacket on.

“Okay we’ll be there in 15 mins tops. Thank you for taking care of him.”

“No problem sir. See you in a bit”

Soonyoung is so confused but he drops a text for both Wonwoo and Seungkwan informing of the situation and runs out immediately after locking up the studio.The whole car ride is tense cause Chan and Soonyoung don’t understand what’s going on. And Shua never mentioned anything to them except the few missed dates. Maybe there was more that he was hiding.Soonyoung sighed thinking about how shua always had too much love to give even if it meant burning himself.

They reach the location in 15 minutes.They park out front and immediately rush to that entrance where the wait staff is waiting.

“Oh- you must be Mr Kwon Soonyoung” 

“Yes that's me and thank you for taking care of hyung where is he?” Soonyoung asks walking in.

“Mr.Hong is currently asleep. I must warn you he did cry for a bit earlier, so we did give him some water to help”

Soonyoung and Chan rush to Shua who is fast asleep at the sofa tear streaks dried up on his face reeking of alcohol.

“Hyung” he says softly picking Shua up.

Shua stirs but doesn’t wake up. They pick him up quickly and thank the wait staff leaving a hefty tip and head out.

Shua is seated in the back seat as they drive. Chan sits next to him holding him up.

“Soonie” he sniffles.

“Hyung you’re awake oh my god. What happened?”

“I don’t want to go home Soonie please can you take me away from here? Hannie and Cheollie aren’t going to be home and I hate going home to empty home. I don’t think they love me anymore” and he’s crying

“Hyung” soonyoung pleas are drowned out by Shuas sobbing and his babbles.

“They don’t want me anymore Soonie they don’t love me. I'm so sad cause I love them so much but they don’t love me. What should I do Soonie I don’t think i can live without them but I don’t think I should be burden to them” he continues babbling.

Chan and Soonyoung stare at each other eyes wide and in confusion and mostly pain for their hyung who deserved every good thing in this world.

“Hyung,it’s okay we’ll not go home we’ll go to mine and Vernon's place tonight okay. We’ll do a mini sleepover” Chan replies hoping shua stops crying.

Suddenly shua looks up sniffling.

“Promise” and he holds out his pinky.Chan chuckles.

“Promise” Chan connects his pinky.

“Yay… I love you Channie” Shua says throwing himself into Chan's arms melting and he falls asleep.

“Hyung…this hyung really”

“You’re telling me he fell asleep like that”

They look at each other smiling but still worried. Chan strokes shua hair and feels him muzzle closer.

“He’ll tell us Channie, just give him some time.”

The hardest part is getting shua to bed. He refuses to let go Chan so all three of them excluding Hansol squeeze into the bed. Shua falls asleep in arms full of love.

Chapter Text

When he wakes up in the morning, he’s still groggy, heart heavy, and tears threatening to fall.

He checks his phone hoping but there’s still no texts. Not a single from Jeonghan and Seungcheol. No apology or an excuse. 

Oh

And before he can think any further Soonyoung pushes him into the bathroom. After a quick shower, he is dressed and seated at the table with Vernon, Chan and Soonyoung.

He pretends not to notice Soonyoung and Chan look at each other trying to say something.

“Uhm”

And Chan finally speaks up.

“Hyung, are you okay!” He asks voice gentle and it takes everything in Joshua’s willpower to not breakdown.

“Of course Channie, Why? Did something happen last night?” Joshua asks smiling.

Vernon and Chan look at each other before answering.

“Oh wait, you don’t remember hyung, you were at Gardenia last night for your date with Jeonghan and Seungcheol hyungs but they didn't show up and you were kind of drunk so we picked you up”

And of course Joshua remembers but it's easier to pretend to forget.

“Oh Channie, I'm so sorry I completely forgot that Hannie  and Cheollie texted me last evening saying they couldn't join me cause they had an important meeting and I checked the texts after ordering the food so I just decided to try out all the wine otherwise it'd be a waste haha. Sorry if I was too much trouble last night and thank you picking me up baby”

Shua prays that they buy his story.

“But you-“

“Oh okay, hyung” Soonyoung answers instead effectively cutting off Chan and glaring at him. Chan backs down and Joshua is so grateful. 

“You know you can always tell us anything right?” Vernon states holding Shuas hand.

“Of course, I will Nonie, thank you” Shua replies squeezing his hand

Joshua decides to head home after breakfast and Soonyoung drops him off not before hugging him tight and whispering reassurances in his ear.

Shua goes back to an empty house since his husbands are probably already at work. He sighs and decides to change into his work outfit to head to the bakery.

The smell of cake and coffee eases the ache in his heart just enough.

“Good morning Boss” greets Haechan one of his part time employees.

“Haechannie, good morning. Where is Renjun?”he greets backs

“In the back” he hears Renjun, his other part time employee shout from the kitchen.

Joshua chuckles shaking his head fondly. 

“He is finishing up the icing for this morning's orders hyung. We have a couple of pick ups in an hour”

“Okay thanks Channie, I’ll be in the office cataloguing the rest of the orders and join you guys by the afternoon at the latest. You already know but please ring me if you need anything”

“Of course, hyung” he says in mock salute waking back to his station.

Joshua has been running a bakery for the past 5 years with rotating part timers- Haechan, Renjun, Seungkwan, Jungwoo, Jaemin and Yangyang. Haechan and Renjun are the primary decorators while Jungwoo and Seungkwan run all all the baking with Joshua. Jaemin and Yangyang help run the social media and do all the advertising for the bakery.Jaemin and Yangyang have been dating the longest and are also a local social media sensation. Seungkwan and Jungwoo are the on and off couple that drive everyone around them insane. Renjun and Haechan are roommates in love who do nothing about it so there's an active betting pool at the bakery about this. Joshua and Soonyoung even bet a 100$ on it.

Joshua makes his way into the office arranging his things and he finally sits down on his desk finishing up on cataloguing all the orders for the rest of the week as well as checking on and ordering the missing inventory. He’s toast by noon decides to head to the kitchen to make lunch for himself and his employees. He decides on a simple stir fry with rice. Renjun helps by prepping the veggies and meat.

Joshua frequently checks his phone but he hasn’t gotten one text from Jeonghan and Seungcheol wonders if he should even bother at this rate. He is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t realize he's hurt himself til he feels a burning sensation on his lower arm.

“Ouch” he screeches alerting Renjun.

“Omg Hyung" Renjun rushes pulling him away and shutting the gas off.

“Omg hyung you should pay more attention. Haechannie, can you bring the first aid kit quickly?” he yells out.

He runs his hand thru warm water first which burns more and then cold water which brings some relief to him. He finally looks down. There’s an ugly burn on his right lower arm. It looks terrible but Renjun assures him that it’ll be fine as long as he applies meds and changes dressing for a couple of days.

Renjun finishes up cooking and they set up the table and shua feels drained. There’s so much going on and everything feels overwhelming. And the urge to cry is there and suddenly shua can’t stop it anymore and he bursts out sobbing scaring Renjun and Haechan who are immediately by his side.

“Hyung, it’s okay we all get hurt in the kitchen sometimes okay its okay” Renjun assures holding him closer

He nods tearfully.

“Do you want me to call Jeonghan or Seungcheol hyung so they can take you home?" 

He shakes his head.

“It’s okay Haechannie- I-I-just need a break okay.I didn't sleep well last night so I think I’ll be in my office for a bit if that’s fine. Renjunnie, please let me know if you need any help with the decorating okay?”

“Yes hyung, Don't worry about it. Now go- shoooo get some rest”

Joshua sits down on his couch, phone in hand texting his husbands for the first time since last night.

It’s just simple picture of his burnt arms along with the sad face emojis.

If this was an year or maybe two ago, his husbands would be running there to see him with his favorite bubble tea in hand and taken him home and showered him in hugs and kisses.

But now he doesn’t really know.

He scrolls thru the last conversation with his husbands and all he sees are one worded replies or thumbs up to all his texts. Nothing less, nothing more. He doesn’t understand where things went wrong or if his husbands even realize they are wrong but all he knows is it’s his fault and he just needs to try a little harder to make them love him.