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Toph was drunk.
She wasn’t blackout drunk. She wasn’t end-up-on-the-front page drunk. She wasn’t even make-bad-choices drunk. But that last gulp was threatening to push her into talk-about-feelings drunk.
Sokka had had more than her, but he was nearly twice her size. And he always wanted to talk about his feelings.
“Why is it so hard, Toph?” he whined, sitting across from her at their usual table at their usual bar.
The flare of heat his words created in her body was something she was accustomed to. It was the effect of long years of (poorly) suppressing unfulfillable desires combined with her unbreakable habit of making dirty jokes out of everything. Sokka wasn’t in that kind of mood, though, she could tell.
As it was, the question threw her a little once she tamped down the inappropriate reaction. They’d just been talking about Fire Nation festivals before a brief lull in the conversation, so she wasn’t sure what path his mind had gone down in the last thirty seconds of silence.
“What’s hard?” Toph asked, making a supreme effort not to add a flirtatious twist to her mouth.
“Women,” he said with a huff as if he could read her thoughts.
“I’m sorry, I wouldn’t know anything about charming women.”
“But you are one. So what am I doing wrong? I’m an attractive guy. Smart. Fun to be around. I’ve got a lot going for me. But nothing ever works out.”
Toph sighed. She knew what the problem was but was reluctant to tell him. This topic was too serious. Too sentimental. It threatened to reveal how much mental energy she’d secretly poured into his love life.
But…she was talk-about-feelings drunk.
She took another big gulp and belched, just to be as unladylike as possible. “You wanna know what your problem is?” she asked in the most bro-y way she could muster. “You’re trying to be the ‘ladies man’ and the ‘settle down man’ at the same time. It confuses people. You can’t get your priorities straight and they eventually see that.”
The resulting silence unsettled her. She ran her index finger through a puddle of condensation near her glass. The soothing coolness was a nice distraction.
“Huh,” he finally said before he—by the sounds of it—chugged the rest of his drink. “Which one do you think I am?”
“How should I know? You don’t even know.”
The truth was that, many many times since he and Suki had ended things, Toph had been on the very edge of flirting with him. Something always stopped her. A nagging voice in the back of her head. ‘If he was thinking about you like that, it would be obvious. Don’t embarrass yourself.’ Another voice, more logical and less wallowing, reminded her that his priorities would eventually solidify and be incompatible with hers. She didn’t want to become the wife and mother he would want one day, and she didn’t want to get her heart broken when that day came.
And yet…if he suddenly decided to direct the full force of his charm at her, she knew in her bones that she wouldn’t have the self-control to deny herself the pleasure of his affections.
But of course, that was never going to happen.
“Well,” he said with the sigh of a man who was one drink away from doing something really dumb. “We can’t all be like you.”
Toph’s hackles rose. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know exactly what you want out of life. You always have. And you’ve never hesitated to go after it.”
Against her wishes, she grunted. “Don’t be so sure,” she muttered under her breath.
Another heavy silence. Toph rarely resented her blindness, but moments like these were infuriating. He was too still. His face would reveal so much to her, if only she could see it. Or touch it…
The thought made her swallow hard and she surreptitiously wiped clammy palms on her thighs.
What is wrong with me? It’s Sokka. Sokka doesn’t get to make me nervous. I decided that a long time ago. I’m not about to start now.
“I’m gonna get another drink,” he said abruptly. “You want anything?”
Toph hesitated. Losing her inhibitions around him wasn’t usually concerning. Certain walls had been put up with great care. But for the first time in a very long time, she sensed a tremor in their foundations.
“Maybe something to eat. Surprise me.”
“You got it, Chief,” he said before his footsteps receded.
Toph’s mouth twisted in annoyance. He’d been using that nickname to torment her for months, ever since the Council had started talking about a unified force to deal with rising crime. They were keen to nominate her to lead it, Aang had revealed.
It was a natural enough thing for them to do. After all, most of her responsibilities outside of her metalbending academy revolved around helping Aang, Katara, and Sokka keep order in the growing metropolis. How could she not? Aang never failed to remind her that she’d been the one in favor of rapid industrialization. Common people were suffering now, and Toph’s closest friends needed help. Both things tugged at her. Gnawed at her. Made sleep difficult.
Still, she felt the urge to dig in her heels at the prospect of spearheading something so…official. So bureaucratic. Becoming a public figure, indelibly entwined with the political behemoth that had emerged in recent years, made the skin on the back of her neck prickle. An ominous warning for what the future might hold.
Sokka plopped something hot and fragrant in front of her before sitting down. “Got you some tofu rings,” he said.
Toph calmly picked up her chopsticks. “Liar.” She hadn’t even needed to use her gift to reach that conclusion. Sokka would never get her something like that, first of all. And besides that, she could detect the rich smell of pork inside the dumplings.
He was quiet while she dug in. After a minute or so, she cocked her eyebrow.
“Are you watching me eat?”
“Just thinking,” he mused, now leaning back into a more relaxed posture.
The vague answer left Toph stymied. It certainly wasn’t a lie, as far as she could tell, but he also hadn’t actually answered her question.
“If you don’t stop acting weird, I’m gonna leave.” She meant for it to come out as banter and was rather surprised by the sullen edge in her voice.
“What? How am I acting weird?”
“I dunno. But you are.” She gave his shin a firm but not overly strong kick.
“Hey! Ow! What was that for?”
Toph had no good answer for him. His behavior was annoying her, though she couldn’t articulate how or why. “Do I need a reason? You know I love to beat on my friends.” She flashed him a crooked grin. “Gotta keep you on your toes.”
That seemed to resolve whatever strange mood had overtaken him. The rest of their evening went on in a typical fashion until they left and passed the point at which they would normally go separate ways to their own apartments. Toph realized, two blocks late, that Sokka had missed his turn.
She scrunched up her face, partly in confusion but also as a way to gauge her level of drunkenness. The tip of her nose always started to get numb and tingly at a certain point. That didn’t seem to be the case now. The dumplings had done their part to sober her up.
So why didn’t I notice? I always notice when it’s time for him to say goodbye and take his warm body the opposite direction.
Her mind quickly retraced their conversation. They’d been talking about crime. Of course. Most topics led back to that one, eventually. That, or politics. Often both. It tended to get her fired up, so she supposed she’d just been distracted. Was it the same for him? The only time he ever crashed at her place was when he was too drunk to make it back to his.
“Either you’re drunker than I thought, or you missed your turn,” she said.
His shrug was strong enough for her to feel through the ground. “Just lazy, actually. Your place is closer. I assume your couch is available?”
“How presumptive of you. But yes, of course it is."
He let out a soft laugh. “Or I could ‘accidentally’ collapse onto your bed and make you sleep on the couch.”
Toph rolled her eyes; the remark wasn’t hypothetical. That had actually happened on his most recent birthday. He’d overindulged far more than usual and she barely managed to get him to her apartment. Somehow, he’d stumbled to her bed and sprawled out, snoring loudly, with his large body taking up every inch of space. If it hadn’t been his birthday, she wouldn’t have hesitated to dump his ass on the ground and reclaim her territory.
“Are you implying it wasn’t an accident?”
“Please. I don’t even remember. But if I did it now, it definitely wouldn’t be an accident.”
Another surge of heat. Toph was sure he didn’t mean it the way she heard it, but that didn’t stop both her body and mind from going somewhere it shouldn’t. With an effort, she forced herself back to sarcastic banter.
“And me throwing you off wouldn’t be an accident, either.”
After that, she changed the subject and they talked of other things for the rest of their walk. Toph thought that was the end of him unwittingly tormenting her, but he sat at the foot of her bed before she could start changing for sleep. This was not unprecedented and usually meant he was stewing on something.
She prepared herself for therapy mode and sat next to him. “What’s on your mind? Or are you trying to trick me into giving up my bed again?”
“No tricks. I’m just–” He paused for a few seconds, then shifted to face her. Neither had their feet planted on the floor so his emotional state was a mystery. “I’m sure I already know the answer to this, but have you ever been in an actual relationship? Like more than a couple of weeks with the same person?”
Toph was so thrown by the question that she blurted a rather defensive answer without planning how honest she wanted to be. “Yes.”
“...Really,” he said flatly. Did he not believe her? “And you never told me?”
“You weren’t around as much back then. Anyway, it was only a few months. I wasn’t as into him as I wanted to be.”
Her affair with Satoru had fizzled out undramatically. None of her friends had known about it, though she still wasn’t entirely sure why. Certainly, keeping it from her father had been a priority; perhaps that air of secrecy had kept her silent on the matter.
Toph became aware that her heart had started beating faster. Fucking Sokka. Why do I put up with him? “Why are you asking me this?”
He coughed, an awkward sound. “You wanna know something dumb? Embarrassing, really. I guess I’m just ‘that guy’. Not disloyal. Never that. But Suki was like me, so it was fine that my eyes wandered.”
Confused by his incoherent rambling, Toph scrunched her face at him. But he continued before she could form an actual question.
“I’ve seen how easily you attract people, so I’m sure you’re not oblivious to your looks.”
Her heart was thudding noisily now. Could he hear it? Where in the world was he going with this? “Of course I know I’m hot stuff,” she managed, trying to sound flippant. “Thanks for finally noticing.”
He laughed—not in that boisterous way he usually did around her, but in a soft rumble. “I noticed a long time ago.”
It hurt. A lot. This was worse than the thrills and the heat. Much deeper and more dangerous feelings threatened to be dragged out of the deep hole which Toph had buried them in. Something inside her twisted painfully. A train was headed straight for her and she suddenly couldn’t remember how to bend. Or walk out of harm's way.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, now concerned.
She forced herself to cough in hopes that words might be able to come out afterward. “What– What do you mean?”
“You look upset. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” There was regret in his voice. Disappointment. “Guess I shouldn’t have had that last drink.”
No. Stop. Don’t take it back. That’s even worse than saying it out loud.
There was a battle raging in her mind. Whatever she said next would tip the scales in one direction or another, and there would be no reversing course. No changing her mind.
In the end, he made the decision for her. A warm hand appeared on her knee and she flinched like she never had in his presence.
“Tell me I’m an idiot and I’ll listen to you,” Sokka said in a low voice. A voice that filled her up all the way down to her toes and made her drunker than any alcohol ever could.
Many times, Toph had told him he was an idiot. The words were easy to say. But right now, they weren’t. They were impossible to say.
“You’re–” she began, totally helpless.
When she failed to finish her sentence, the warmth of his hand disappeared from her knee. Momentary disappointment bloomed into complete shock when he pushed the hair away from her eyes, calloused fingers brushing against her skin.
This isn’t really happening. It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream.
She said it to herself several times, a mantra, until part of her believed it enough to regain some control. If it wasn’t real, then there were no consequences, right? She could freely indulge.
Her hand came up to wrap around the back of his as he tucked the hair behind her ear. She traced lines of veins, tendons, and scars that went up his arm, eventually landing on his face to discover its secrets. For so long, this simple knowledge of him had eluded her. It wasn’t fair. Everyone else, even strangers on the street, got to know what he looked like. Why shouldn’t she?
She started with his forehead. The skin was folded and scrunched as if he’d raised his brows high. Her fingers brushed the furrows until they relaxed. Down the wide bridge of his nose, slightly uneven from being broken. Across to high cheekbones. A strong, angular jaw. Wide mouth.
Thin lips, stretched in a faint smile.
Toph let her hand fall. “I’ve always been curious.”
“If you’d asked–” He cut off and cleared his throat. “If it had been years ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.”
“Before you…noticed?”
“Before there was anything to notice.”
Toph couldn’t help but pout. She didn’t like being reminded that, for the first several years they’d known each other, she’d been very much a ‘little sister’ to him. They’d grown beyond that, fortunately, into a more equal friendship. But she didn’t like him remembering, right now, at this moment, how things had once been.
“It’s very cute when you do that,” Sokka said. “I don’t know if you realize, or if anyone’s ever been brave enough to tell you.” He laughed when she scowled at him. “Honestly, I expected you to have thrown me across the room by now.”
“You should never completely rule it out.”
“I’ll take my chances.” Somehow, he’d gotten closer without her realizing it. The heat from his breath and body threatened to overwhelm her.
“Sokka…” Toph murmured. She had to push away a surge of annoyance at how breathlessly his name came out of her mouth. “Are you sure–” Her words stopped there. What were the next ones? Too many options: Are you sure this is a good idea? Are you sure you really want this? Are you sure you feel this way? Are you sure it’s not just the booze?
Are you sure this is real?
“My earlier offer still stands,” he said. “Tell me I’m an idiot, and I’ll stop.”
She had more strength this time. “Of course you’re an idiot.” But not enough of the old strength—that which had kept her sane in the last decade. A new sort of boldness overcame her. “But that doesn’t mean you should stop.”
The heat went from being oppressive to suffocating. So close. Painfully close. Inches away. Around her. Inside her. She sucked in a breath and could almost taste his familiar scent.
Later, she wouldn’t remember who had initiated that final push. Perhaps both had. All she knew was that one moment there was no sound except her heart thundering in her ears, and the next moment they were a tangle of lips and hands and hair.
It was no chaste, cautious kiss between two people trying to test the waters. No. This was the passionate dance of lovers who were reunited after being forced apart by time and distance. This was the past and future, a glimpse into the void. What might be and what never was, what should never be and what must be—they all collided again and again every time one paused for a breath and the other came back for more.
Sokka was the one who finally stopped them, though his hands on her shoulders kept her only as far away as was needed to speak.
“I think–” he began, though not without pausing to clear his throat. “I know you, and I know myself. So…this is me, exercising self-control to show you my…deep respect for you.”
Toph snorted. There was an ingrained formality in Sokka, thanks to his prudish Water Tribe upbringing, that would surface at the oddest of times. If anyone should have that problem, it was Toph, but she’d never been burdened by such things.
“I’m serious,” he protested in a wounded voice. “You said before that I needed to get my priorities straight. Well, that’s easy with you. No matter what happens, you’ll always be part of my life. It makes a difference. I don’t want to make a mess of things.”
Toph ran her fingers through his hair, which was no longer in its wolf tail. A crooked smile pulled up the corner of her mouth. Nothing short of him walking away could dim the bliss that coursed through her veins like fire. “Too late.”
Genuinely, she wouldn’t have had the will to stop. He had undone her and there was no going back. Another few minutes, and she would’ve been loosening his belt.
“Friends, crossing that line…” she continued. “It’s messy no matter what. But you know me. I’ve never cared about being tidy.”
“Then why haven’t you ever shown any interest in me? You obviously wanted to.”
“I could ask you the same question.”
Sokka barked out a laugh. “Because I feared bodily harm. And I don't handle rejection well. What’s your excuse?”
Toph didn’t answer. She couldn’t. There was just too much, too many reasons. All of them made her more vulnerable than she was willing to be at this moment, with the taste of him still on her lips.
That taste returned in full force when he leaned in for another, calmer kiss. Perhaps he thought it would loosen her tongue and satisfy his curiosity.
“Sorry,” Toph murmured against his lips. “You won’t crack me so easily.”
“I’m a patient man.”
Bonus:
“Sweet Mother of Faces, finally,” Katara said with fond exasperation when she caught them necking behind her house on Air Temple Island.
Toph had been vaguely aware that her nosy friend was approaching. The thrill of being caught made everything better. More intense. She’d let it happen. But this reaction wasn’t at all what she’d been expecting.
Sokka let out a sheepish laugh, but Katara continued before he could say anything.
“How long has this been going on? Why didn’t either of you tell me? What’s with the secrecy?”
“Calm down,” he said with another laugh. “It’s not a secret. We were just being…discreet.”
“Couldn’t you have at least given us a few days of sneaking around?” Toph added, rolling her eyes. Katara was always so dramatic. “And what do you mean, ‘finally’??”
“Please,” Katara said off-handedly as if the question didn’t warrant an answer. “Well, anyway, I hope neither of you screw it up. I don’t want to lose my bet with Suki.”
Toph gaped at her and assumed Sokka was doing the same, judging by his sudden stuttering heartbeat.
Katara laughed and turned to walk away. “Bumi’s up, so we’re having lunch soon. Be there or miss out.”