Chapter 1: The Gambler's Guitar
Chapter Text
August was the perfect time for new openings in the Inkwell Isles, and Perseidea’s festival in particular provided the inevitable backdrop for a new venue to debut.
The reason was simple: only farmers and traders continued to break their backs under the scorching sun to inflate their wallets, while the majority of anthropomorphic creatures squandered their hard-earned savings in all kinds of activities!
When you live on a tropical archipelago all year round, it's hard to always want to go to the beach. And so you indulged in unbridled consumerism, between clubs, amusement parks, cinemas and outdoor initiatives.
Every novelty was welcomed with enthusiasm by the bored inhabitants, and in particular the day of Perseidea was the height of social life!
There were four of the twelve Inkwellian holydays a year that made extensive use of fireworks, and Perseidea was one of them! Sure, Wintermarsh and Harvest Festival were fun, but no fires rivaled those of Perseidea and New Year's Eve!
Of course, Perseidea had one monumental advantage: the shower of shooting stars, the only time of year when one stocked up on wishes!
The best pyrotechnicians competed to create the strangest and most colorful shows, and during the day there was the circus and open-air competitions! And everyone opened the show with a blaze of fireworks!
In all this festive atmosphere, it's no surprise that the brand new Devil's Casino was the hit that year.
A name is a guarantee, you might say. What imbecile could have chosen such a name, on an archipelago where the Devil was public enemy number one and where the Prince of Darkness appeared with alarming frequency?
This was exactly what Cuphead and Mugman were wondering when they read the full name of the place on one of the many posters that littered every free wall on the three main islands; specifically, the one outside Porkrind's Emporium.
"Well, now we know who funded the project!" commented Mugman.
"Grand opening on Perseidea night!" read the boy with the big blue nose. "There will be a free buffet throughout the evening.."
"Free buffet???" both brothers shouted in unison.
"Between a delicacy and a spin of roulette, to entertain your lucky games there will be the most extraordinary manager in the world: Mr. King Dice, and his new sidekick, the prodigious Hopus Pocus!" Mugman finished reading.
"So King Dice will be the casino manager! Ugh.. what a shame! It seems cool, but with a name like that who on earth is going to show up to the opening party tonight? Am I right, Cuphead?"
The whistling sound of a pressure cooker about to explode began to add to the silence coming from his side.
"Cuphead..?"
Cuphead, the older brother with the red nose and bulging eyes, almost jumped his cup-head off his shoulders in excitement.
And indeed he exploded into a hysterical cry, while violently grabbing his brother's braces and shaked him mercilessly.
"KING DICE!! TONIGHT!! AND THERE'S MAGIC!! AND FREE FOOD!!!! AND FIREWORKS!!! AND WE HAVE FREE TICKETS!! WEABSOLUTELYHAVETOGONOWLETSNOTWASTEANYMORETIMENOT..!!"
Mugman's big slap didn't come entirely unexpectedly, and they both knew that these were desperate measures for desperate times, so it had no other consequence than the already foreseen one of appeasing Cuphead.
"Cuphead!! Did you hear what I said?? It's the Devil's name on that casino! And his face too, as we've already seen!!"
"So what? If I put money in a casino I'd want MY name on the place, even if the manager is way cooler than me!!" Cuphead patted his shoulder. "Come on, Mugsey! We can't miss out on a golden opportunity like this!! We've been waiting for this since Valentine's Day!!"
"But on Valentine's Day we didn't know the casino would be the Devil's!" Mugman protested half-heartedly.
"Come on, imagine!" Cuphead waved his hand in the air as if to summon images. "Free desserts and canapés..!!"
Mugman slurped at the thought.
"..King Dice dancing and singing "Roll the Dice" on stage.."
Mugman began to hum the tune of what had become the most listened to song in the islands the same day it was released on the radio.
"..Hopus Pocus that does real magic, and not cheap tricks.. And the two of us becoming billionaires thanks to the free tickets we got on February 14th!!"
A kid's imagination can grow to total immersion, but for a moment they both synchronized on an idyllic image.
They saw themselves lying on precious velvet sofas, under a sky of stars and fireworks, covered to the teeth in gold jewels! (Literally, in their imaginary smiles even the teeth in their wide mouths were of glittering gold.)
And of course, they would wear sunglasses even at night like real VIPs, and they would always have gigantic ice creams on hand!
And the beautiful Cala Maria would emerge from the oceans, with her mermaid-like figure full of curves and big green eyes, to say: "How handsome and rich you are, Mugman! I would so like to marry you!" And Mugman would reply: "Hmm.. you know there are so many little fish in the sea.. But you have made a breach in my heart.."
And King Dice himself would lean his elbow on the couch with his gorgeous smile and confident bearing, and say: "Cuphead, my friend! Now that we're equals, you should pair up with me! Artistically speaking, of course..." he would conclude with a wink. And Cuphead would reply, with another wink: "Of course, artistically..!"
"Your fantasy is a little weird!" Mugman commented, interrupting both of their trains of thought.
"Hmm? What do you mean? It's the same as yours!"
"That's why it's weird..!!" said Mugman, puzzled.
"Pfft! Sometimes I just don't understand you, Mugsey!"
"Do you want to come in and buy something or do you plan on hanging around out here for a long time?" growled a deep, hollow voice.
Porkrind, the owner of the Emporium, couldn't stand the cup brothers: they had already given him a hard time, and as they entered teenage they always seemed to be planning new troubles!
The anthropomorphic pig glared at them, eyepatch on his right eye and round belly, until Cuphead jumped up with his usual, dangerous glee: "Hey, Porkrind!! Are you coming to the Devil's Casino tonight??"
Porkrind grimaced skeptically.
"It depends. Will you two go?"
"Of course we are!!" they chorused.
"Then no!" he grunted gruffly, slamming the trailer door shut.
"You don't know what you're missing!!" Mugman snapped at him.
"When I'll be rich, even Porkrind will want to do business with me!" Cuphead walked down the road.
"And Chalice..? We'll give her a nice present!" Mugman followed him.
"It's not like she really needs it, she's dead after all!"
"Cuphead!! That's not nice to say!!" he scolded.
"But it's the truth! Anyway, I'd give her a little present anyway: she's our dearest friend! How about a nice giant mansion just for her, to haunt as she pleases?"
"That sounds like a great idea!" Mugman cheered. "And what shall we do with Elder Kettle? Buy him a golden pipe and a silver staff?"
"Of course! With a beautiful diamond on top!"
"Fantastic!"
The two boys walked in silence for a few more minutes, their noggins filled with golden thoughts, as the first shooting star of the evening split the sky.
Then, inevitably, conscience spoke into Mugman's ear, in the form of a small, familiar-looking red bug that casually landed on his shoulder.
Mugman stared at the little creature, who stared back at him with well straight antennae.
"Cuphead..?"
"Yes, Mugman..?"
"Shouldn't we ask Elder Kettle's permission to gamble money at the Devil's Casino..?"
"Ahahha!! Of course not, you idiot! Obviously he would stop us!! Last time he beat us up just for talking about it!"
"Um... I don't know... maybe he has his reasons for doing that!"
"Yes, his stuff about education! But in my opinion he talks a lot of nonsense!" said Cuphead, pompously.
"But he's not an old fool!" mused Mugman, watching as the little insect pulled out a small, rudimentary violin and bow from under its wings. "Last time he was right about the Egg of Eggs! Maybe he's afraid something will happen to us!"
"Well, that makes sense! It's the Devil's Casino, after all!" said Cuphead. "But what do you expect? As long as we just play with the coupons King Dice gave us, everything will be fine!"
And saying this, he took out from under his suspenders the beautiful tickets that he had jealously kept for months now.
"And then it's a casino! In the casino you gamble money!! No one has ever died from gambling money!" the wretch stated, without knowing a thing about what he was saying. "And then, if King Dice is there, it means it's a safe place!"
"Yes, perhaps you are right!!" Mugman beamed, completely ignoring the mournful dirge being sung by the little red beetle on his shoulder.
"Are we having fun?"
"Let's have fun!!" they both shouted, running madly towards the Devil's Casino.
..................................................................
In the dark of the night, the sumptuous palace of the Devil's Casino looked even more controversial.
Maybe it was the big evil figure smiling as he grabbed two big chips on the roof top..? Or the beautiful red carpet unrolled in front of the gold door, which looked a lot like a tongue..? Or perhaps the impression that the entire building was embedded in a volcanic basin...?
Or maybe it was that weird train..?
Yes, because the road that led to the Devil's Casino was cut by a railway, on which every day (at 6:06 in the afternoon) a sinister locomotive passed, hauling even more sinister carriages with mysterious cargo, to then disappear into the depths of the earth right next to the building.
Yet, for some strange reason, that sight seemed even irresistible! The building was still a magnificent triumph of refined elegance, and the two brothers had no doubt that the decorative touch had been cared for more by the manager than by the owner himself.
Each wall was made of white marble, with rhomboidal alabaster decorations on the surroundings and red onyx lacquer on the edges and on the roof.
The gold hadn't been spared, and it was found not only on the door, but also on the tops of the towers and on the railings!
And speaking of the towers: the whole palace seemed to be made up of board games, but not in a tacky way, but with refinement and taste! The big tower on the right was nothing but a chess piece: the king, in fact! And other pieces decorated the top of the casino, surrounding the black demonic figure.
Twelve man-sized dice of a wonderful translucent red adorned the sides of the grand main entrance, and red was also the lining of the golden sofas that served as benches in the inner courtyard!
But what made everything cooler, what made the difference, were the plants.
Greenery abounded in the casino: decorative plants, palms, ferns and hedges softened all that exaggerated luxury in a way that even the big Devil on top of the roof seemed nicer.
The brothers were in awe.
"See? What was I saying?" Cuphead rushed without a second thought to the back of the line of incoming customers, followed closely by Mugman.
"Now that's a good use of the Devil's money!!"
"What a queue, though! Do we have to wait all this time?" Mugman craned his neck over the long line of people in front of them.
Both of them looked angrily for the entrance to the casino, and as soon as the anthropomorphic potato Spudder stepped aside, they saw it.
There was a chubby little man, all elegantly dressed, with a tailcoat and sunglasses, who jovially welcomed the customers one by one, handing them (again!!!) extra tickets!
The little red bug happened to still be around, and he hopped nonchalantly onto Cuphead's shoulder with his beautiful violin at the ready.
"Hey, Mugman?"
"Yes, Cuphead?"
“Don't you think that guy over there looks familiar?”
"Hmm.. Yeah, I think we've seen him somewhere!" Mugman confirmed. "But it's hard to tell from here."
"Let's try calling him! If he knows us, he'll answer!", he said.
And Cuphead leaned out of the line, waving his arms like a madman and shouting at the top of his voice: "HEYYY!!! HELLO!! IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME!!"
"Oh? Then you remember him?" asked Mugman.
"Not at all! But if I pretend I do, it will work, you'll see!" the brother stated convinced.
"WHO TAUGHT YOU TEENYBOPPERS ABOUT POLITENESS??" yelled an old man in a white coat and thick glasses in line in front of them. "You want to blow my eardrums out??"
"Yeah, who do you think you are?" Sally Stageplay, the theater owner, said indignantly from behind them.
"Shut up! I'm talking to a friend of mine!" said Cuphead arrogantly, pointing to the door.
At this point everyone turned their eyes to the friend in question, curious to see how far a thirteen-year-old boy's lies could roll.
But, to everyone's amazement, the little man in the tailcoat jumped so hard that he leapt into the air with excitement, shouting an unmistakable: "They're here!! They're here!!" in a clucking voice.
Then he scuttled so furiously that for a few seconds his figure remained still on the smooth floor, before disappearing like lightning beyond the entrance.
Cuphead looked smug.
"There, you miscreants!"
"Tsk!" said the old man with the mustache and lab coat. "That doesn't prove anything! Maybe he went to call security!"
"Are you dumb? He's security!" said Mugman.
The old man was about to protest again, when a leaden silence fell instantly on the clearing. If it had been possible to isolate the non-noise of the pause between two heartbeats, the effect would have been the same.
It was not clear which came first, the "Skeetle-at-de-op!" or the torrent of cheers, but one did not need a clear view of the casino entrance to know that the manager had made his public appearance.
Even Sally and the old man in the lab coat had suddenly turned their attention elsewhere. Cuphead and Mugman nearly lost their cups: "KING DICE!!" They screamed together.
It was certainly not the first time that the two brothers and the greatest presenter of all time met, but each time it was surprising in its own way!
King Dice moved along the red carpet of the row with such grace that he almost seemed weightless. Which was simply impossible given his imposing size: even though he had grown, Cuphead still couldn't get past the hips perfectly sheathed in the light purple tailcoat.
His dancer's shoes were as silent as a cat's paws, unless he clicked his heels to create an impromptu rhythm to his scat. As he walked he gesticulated theatrically, giving smiles and modest bows to his customers.
It helped to have a die for a head: he could move it 180 degrees without breaking his neck, so he was able to even wave at people behind him!
"Yes, I know, good people of Inkwell! You would like nothing more than a little bit of my attention all to yourself!" sang the showman's crystalline and powerful voice. "And fear not, tonight some lucky one will surely get it! But today we also have some illustrious guests! Two little friends that I'm sure you will remember.."
King Dice's white glove bowed cordially to the two brothers, who were cheering like two puppies who haven't seen their master for a long time.
"Here they are, our Valentine friends! Hello, what a pleasure!"
"The pleasure is all ours, knockout!" Cuphead gloated, slyly.
King Dice lordly disguised the icy shiver that ran down his spine, keeping his broad smile fixed on the boy.
"I couldn't wait for you two to arrive, with all we've been through together!" He insisted, to general incredulity. “And where is your lovely friend, Miss Chalice?”
"She's not coming today! In fact, we haven't seen her for a while..." Mugman muttered, a little saddened.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk! What a pity!" King Dice sadly shook his head, provoking an empathetic "awww.." from those present. "She must have caught a summer fever! Well, that means it's your duty to have fun for her too, don't you think..?"
"Yes! In fact, she even gave us her tickets!!" Cheered Cuphead, waving them proudly.
"What a generous girl, first she gives me our song and then she gives you her tickets!" King Dice sighed theatrically, putting a hand on his broad chest. "Come on, let's not waste any more time! We certainly don't want to miss this opportunity for fun that Miss Chalice has kindly given you.."
And with that, the manager placed a palm on each back, gently but inexorably pushing the two boys toward the entrance, amidst the applause of the crowd.
The little red bug was still there, doing everything he could to get attention, playing his little violin in a frenzied tune in alarm, but Cuphead was still waving at people and taking credit for being in league with a rich business tycoon of entertainment.
Maybe it's because when you're so small the threats seem bigger in proportion. Perhaps it was because having spent a simple life in an earthen cave, the cockroach could not be subjected to the charm of unbridled luxury.
Or maybe it was simply because from that angle it captured all the nuances on King Dice's face much better, including the moments when the bright, warm smile distorted into a ferocious, Luciferian grin.
The truth of the matter is that only simple creatures realize evil. And while anyone could say with certainty that a large black cat-man with goat horns and a pitchfork was undoubtedly the Devil, very few could notice that the Number One of Hell dressed in satin and kid gloves and smelled of sandalwood, musk, vanilla and citrus.
It was said that King Dice anticipated music and fashion by a hundred years, but few knew that this concept also applied to cologne. Also because none of those present had met him one hundred and eleven years earlier, when he voted his cause to the Devil.
And the frantic notes of the little insect were interrupted by Cuphead's withered hand, which saw nothing but the splendid surface of a soul as black and hard as a Central African diamond.
"Thank you! Thank you!" said the two little fools, waving to those who were applauding the extraordinary nature of the event.
As they passed in front of the large golden door, they noticed that the plump little man in the tailcoat had reappeared, happier than ever.
So familiar that Cuphead and Mugman stopped for a second to look at him, before being pulled inside by King Dice's arms.
"Hey, wait a bit! Are you the purple imp from last time..?" Cuphead tried to ask, but his question was cut short by King Dice, who with a more vigorous push shoved them into the building like beef in a meat grinder.
"Of course, you already know Henchman! He works for me at the moment... you know, I'm the manager!" He said in a fast, engaging tone. "But I don't want to bore you with bureaucratic issues! You're welcome, pals! Enjoy your evening!!"
The two brothers couldn't hold back a "WOOOAH!" of wonder. From the inside, the Devil's Casino was even more magnificent than they could have hoped!
It was absolutely immense, with a multi-story central hall and countless chandeliers of gold and precious crystals.
An exquisite colonnade on all sides framed the hall, and each gallery offered entrance to numerous rooms. Stunning staircases with marble and gold railings spiraled like crystallized fireworks, all perfectly matching the black-and-white checkerboard floor and frescoed walls.
Golly, they thought, even the ceiling was painted like at Versailles!
There was absolutely nothing in the interior design of the casino that vaguely recalled the Devil: certainly not the beautiful plants with large green leaves, designed specifically to cool the air from cigar smoke; and not even the sunny landscape motifs painted on the walls. Except in fact...
.. there was indeed something disturbing, and it was the staff: they all looked rather strange. As if they hadn't eaten in a while.
If by a while you mean a hundred years, so to speak.
"That's awesome!!" Cuphead was overwhelmed.
"Yeah, but skeletons are a little creepy.." Mugman remarked.
"And are our tickets valid for any game?!"
"Any!! You can use them for Russian roulette, poker, slot machines, fishing, horse racing, and of course dice!" King Dice twisted his handsome features into a wicked expression.
"..You really did an amazing job!! You are the best!!"
"Hohoho.. I know! But don't hold back any longer! Tonight you can have any drink, on the house!"
"Drink??!" Both boys' cups fell off their shoulders. "You mean we can drink alcohol??"
"I didn't say that, but since no one will be watching you, try to... act like adults... that's my advice!" King Dice sighed insidiously. "Not to mention that the drinks usually include a complimentary cigar from the good Mr. Wheezy, so..."
"Did you hear that, Mugsey?!" Cuphead whispered to his brother. "We can smoke and drink like the grown-ups if we want to!"
"That doesn't sound like a great idea, Cuphead! What if we get caught and arrested??"
"Oh, pfui! The only one we have to fear is Elder Kettle, and he's not here!" and with that, he rushed into the bowels of that wonderful palace just ahead of the other greedy patrons.
His brother followed him closely.
"Hey, wait for me!"
"Good, go.." King Dice said to himself, with a little smile under his matchstick mustache. "..little monsters! Go and have fun! At the Devil's Casino you always bring home a nice surprise.."
......................................................................................................................................
And fun it was, no one ever said otherwise: as soon as it became fully operational, the building transformed into a true entertainment paradise... Or rather, a hell, since nothing seemed forbidden except cheating!
People flocked to all those shiny, shiny games with money in their hands, explored the racetrack out back, and flocked to the totally unlawful bar to vent their pent-up frustrations!
It must be understood that at that particular historical time, in the Inkwell Islands (as in the rest of the United States) the consumption of alcohol was strictly prohibited!
So some mischievous imp on the staff had rightly surmised that the best way to spread a vice was to ban it, and with considerable profit had whispered this solution into the ears of a couple of MPs with lots of vineyards and cornfields to exploit...
Yet the first thing the two brothers tried was certainly not the bar or the betting shop, but the theatre!
Oh, how grand and elegant it was! How much red velvet and how many golden tassels! Did the columns glow with their own light, or were they an elaborate hydraulic effect? And were the tablecloths on the tables real white silk? And the railings on the mezzanines, weren't they perhaps obsidian masterpieces?
But the best thing was the stage itself! It was like nothing the brothers had ever seen.
The floor was not composed of simple wooden planks, but of rhombuses of all pastel colours; the background reproduced a riot of large and small triangles, red and blue, on a regal blue velvet enclosed in a round wooden structure, like a large crystal ball in two dimensions!
And there was real magic on that stage, because an entire deck of larger-than-life poker cards was scattered in the air to form a suggestive structure crystallized in time and space, as if someone had thrown the cards in an artistic way and they had stopped suspended halfway.
But it wasn't just the cards that formed that wonderful picture: several red roses adorned both the perimeter and the air near the kings and queens!
There was even a skull in the right corner, which was very Hamlet-like and gave a touch of macabre poetry to that crazy romantic painting!
King Dice appeared at the center of the stage in a way that Cuphead and Mugman had seen before, but to the others seemed like spectacular magic: he leapt out with a graceful pirouette from a mysterious hole in the ground, which closed immediately afterward.
At his curtsy, the audience cheered.
"Bravo! Imagine, Mugsey! He went to Hell just so he could make a sensational entrance!" Cuphead wore out his gloves clapping.
"Yes.. although I still think it's very strange.." replied Mugman.
"What?"
"The fact that last time, of all the powers he could ask the Devil to resolve the issue, King Dice asked for this! To be able to come and go from Hell as he pleases..."
"Tsk! You know why he did it, he explained it well: the Devil wants to see his shows like everyone else! It's much better if he can decide to come and go as he pleases, right? Imagine if had to ask the Devil for permission every single time!"
"Hmm, you're right.." Mugman mused, not entirely convinced. "The Devil might even decide not to let him out at all, as he has done in the previous months. And yet.."
..and yet, in a dark corner of the beautiful room, a pair of large yellow and red eyes scanned the scene with dark purposes.
..................................................................................................
The evening had officially begun: on stage, King Dice introduced the show with a masterly sketch.
Mute, using only mimicry (a field in which he was, if possible, even more skilled than his voice) and a musical rhythm dictated by the tapping of his heels on the floor, he took out his faithful poker cards and performed a series of spectacular acrobatic deals, always with the inevitable broad smile on his lips.
A couple of times he feigned a mistake, only to retrieve the deck and show an even more difficult number with ease like drinking a glass of water.
Finally, he handed out the cards on stage, transforming them one by one into a member of his musical band!
From the back of the room, Henchman squeaked softly with the shadowy figure at his side.
"Dah, Boss!! King Dice has really outdone himself this time! He really knows how to charm people!! No one's noticing you're here!"
"Yes, well, I hope he doesn't intend to spend the whole evening playing the clown on the stage!" his companion murmured sibyllinely, through his white fangs. "Otherwise these bumpkins won't budge from the theatre just to stick to him!"
Henchman peered at him smiling over his dark glasses. "Don't worry, Sir! People aren't here just for him this time: they're all eager to use their vouchers to start playing!"
And then, pointing with the palm of his yellow-gloved hand, he indicated the hall: "Look how many souls will end up in your jaws, thanks to this stratagem! Daw, I have a good feeling about this..!"
The Devil raised a skeptical eyebrow, setting his menacing ruby red irises on the two boys near the stage.
"My mouth is watering, Henchman. But what I'm most interested in is putting those two treacherous cups in check!" he hissed. "I won't rest until I've crushed Cuphead and his dear little brother with my own hands!"
"Of course, Boss! Everything will be fine, this time, you'll see.." The two demons were interrupted by the first notes of a catchy song: King Dice had just finished his beautiful presentation speech, and apparently he intended to open the dance with one of his famous songs.
Both Henchman and the Devil pricked up their ears: once again, King Dice managed to surprise both the audience and themselves!
He pulled a match from his sleeve, and to light it he slid it under both sleeves of his tailcoat, surprisingly releasing two rows of silver cowboy fringe.
He did the same with other parts of his suit, and finally undid the buttons on his chest with a gesture, revealing a precious country jacket decorated with silver.
Then he put a finger behind his neck, lifting a hidden cream-colored scarf that he placed around his neck. He then threw the match to the ground, causing a puff of multicolored smoke from which he pulled out a white and purple guitar!
As a finishing touch, he produced a white brimmed hat from under his chest and a silver plectrum from his ear.
"This is the story of a gambler's guitar!" he introduced, singing in his beautiful clear voice, unable to hold back a low, wicked laugh as his fingers played a country riff on the strings and his band followed the playful rhythm he established.
"Oh, boy!" Henchman exclaimed in delight. "I didn't see that coming! What a great idea!!"
Beside him, the Devil put on his unreadable goat-staring-at-salt expression, feigning disinterest. "Yes, it's scenic," he conceded, speaking quickly.
Now his mouth was really watering. But, as usual, he swallowed it all and watched helplessly as a thirsty man watches a jug of crystal-clear water out of reach.
On stage, King Dice began to sing.
"Tell of the hearts that this vagabond has broken
Tell of the fun that I've had
Tell of the lovin' and the laughin' and the jokin'
Back when I was glad, oh back when I was glad
Tell it well, my guitar!
Tell all the folks that this life's a game of poker
A fool and his gold must part
But in this hectic world the biggest fool's the joker
Who gambles with his heart, who gambles with his heart
Tell it sad, my guitar!
And that's the story.. this is the story of a gambler's guitar!"
But at the last sentence, he couldn't help himself: even though it was a country song, he ended it on a jazz note.
During the song, the manager didn't stop for a second, and continued to dance with fluid enthusiasm. When he bowed to exit the stage, hats were flying, ladies were sighing and everyone was ready to empty their wallets to prove that they were gamblers with a heart!
"Thank you, my wealthy clientele! But that was nothing! Think of how much fun and riches await you within these golden walls!" King Dice said boldly. "And don't forget to thank our lovely sponsor..!"
Both the Devil and Henchman gasped.
"He won't..!"
"I think he's going to, Boss!"
"..Who would have thought that even the Devil was capable of doing something good!" King Dice said, pointing to his boss at the back of the room. "A big round of applause for the Lord of Darkness and fun!"
TO BE CONTINUED...................
Chapter 2: Make me swing!
Summary:
The two cups start winning a lot of money, and the Devil is not happy about it. But before he can explode and ruin the favorable publicity he has just received, Henchman suggests that he have a... stimulating tête-à-tête with his manager.
Chapter Text
The Dark Lord was so unaccustomed to receiving positive attention that he greeted the applause with flattened ears and the shy look of a cat caught red-handed with its paw in a sausage jar.
"It's true! Who would have thought?" people murmured, so bewitched by the showman's charm.
"Hey, look, Cuphead! There's the Devil over there!" said Mugman, surprised.
"Wow, I didn't think he'd show himself in public! Hey, old scratch!" Cuphead waved.
"Hello, earthenware poultice!" The Devil approached with his clawed hands behind his back. "What are two brats like you doing among adults?"
"You don't think we'd miss out on all the fun, do you? I must say, you've set up quite the place! Although..." Cuphead pretended to think about it.
"Although what..?" hissed the Devil, squinting.
"..Although you can tell you didn't furnish it! You were right not to put anything of your own into it!" he said with a tedious grin.
"Cuphead, don't push him!!" Mugman whispered to him, sweating badly.
"...What did you say, you unpleasant little lice?!" smoked the Devil, staring down at the mischievous cup, with the round shoes peeking out from the sides of his figurine.
"I mean, if it were up to you it would have been all rocks, pools of sulfur, but most of all..." he added, walking away nonchalantly. "..many, many balls of yarn!"
"GRRRR!!!".
The Devil's fur bristled and turned a fiery red, while the air around his lanky frame grew dangerously hot.
And while Mugman hurried after his reckless brother, among a thousand "Are you crazy??" and "Never do that again!", Henchman did his best to appease his lord's wrath.
"Boss, ignore them! Soon they will have very little to laugh about!! Think about that!"
"That little monster will pay dearly for this, that's for sure!" the Devil snarled, lowering his fur a little... when a very proud voice completely shook him.
"Ahaha.. that was a hell of an introduction! I mean, I shouldn't be telling myself that.. but why not? I'll tell myself anyway!!" King Dice chirped, forehead held high and chest out, throwing away his cowboy hat. "YYYYYY-HAAAAA!!!"
"It was truly outstanding, as usual!!" Henchman clapped his hands, and looked at the stage.
Since the star had left the stage, a good half of the customers had also headed towards the various rooms of the enormous casino, while the rest stood around watching in amazement the magic of Hopus Pocus, accompanied by the card orchestra.
"Eh.. thank you Henchman! But none of this would have been possible, without my greatest inspiration.." he began, bowing gallantly to the Devil.
Which had taken on the look of a pigeon that circumnavigates with emulated indifference the crumb of high-end pastry brioche.
"Dice, you said this place was supposed to express me, as well as you!" he meowed gruffly.
"And so it is, Big D.." King Dice said, standing at attention.
"And where, please? Where would there be traces of me?"
"...Apart from your enormous effigy on the roof..?"
"Apart from my enormous effigy on the roof, yes.."
"But it's obvious!!" King Dice shone like a sun. "The red drapes, the cone lights of the bar room, the obsidian railings of the mezzanines, the enormous brazier in the smoking room, the skull on the stage, the entire hippodrome, the Northern Lights on the walls of the billiard room.."
"And what the hell do the Northern Lights have to do with me..?"
"Well.." began King Dice.
"..a damn, that's what!" interrupted the Devil.
"No, actually.."
"..but it doesn't matter, evidently this whole environment is liked by the louts! Maybe it's for the best! Let's not waste time, anyway: those cups need to be kept an eye on..."
"Sure, Big D! You can count on me!! Your Number One will fix everything!" King Dice snapped with a military salute, and started to go..
..when he tried one last time: "As for the billiard room..."
“I'm not holding you here, Dice!”
"Sure, I'll go right away.." he sighed, exchanging a knowing look with the short purple helper before disappearing in the direction of his brothers.
Henchman pricked up his ears, for if the Devil and his first Demon were plotting to take the souls of two mortal children, he too had a secret mission to accomplish!
And it involved both of his superiors.
The fact was, he had recently managed to build a secret alliance with the most important demon in Hell, Mr. King Dice.
Dice didn't like him very much at first, because as the Devil's personal assistant, Henchman spent a lot of time with the Lord of Evil. Time that he could have spent at his side instead, spreading chaos across the four islands.
But Henchman was an overall affectionate imp, very loyal and above all, persevering.
He'd waited patiently for one hundred and eleven years, until King Dice granted him first a few words, then an autograph, and finally a proper chat.
Like all imps, Henchman had boundless admiration for the showman. Anyone in hell would have given anything to be like him!
Yes, because King Dice was not only an irresistible entertainer; he was also an example of cruelty for all of Hell. No one dared suggest it out loud, but sometimes he even seemed more evil than the Devil himself!
Indeed, he had no equal when it came to deceiving mortals into selling them to the Devil, and the blood on his hands could have quenched an ocean's thirst!
And these were just some of the many qualities that the Finest Demon boasted of excelling in.
Despite everything, the Devil had treated him with condescension and detachment for many decades, to the great dismay of King Dice, who increasingly devoted his heart and soul to his ruthless cause.
Nothing of the great deeds the demon performed for him seemed to win the happiness of the King of the Underworld. He never praised his successes adequately, and was excessively harsh in his reproaches.
Of course, none of the threats the Devil made to him had ever come true, and despite his words he'd never actually degraded him.
But like King Dice, Henchman also suffered from the unfair situation.
Because although injustice was considered a gift in Hell, all this severity towards the best among them made no sense.
But one day, thanks to that famous first chat, Henchman finally understood why!
It was the evening of the Summer Solstice, and King Dice had told him about the good times when he and the Prince of Darkness got along, how they had met, how he had given up his mortal life to become a Demon.
King Dice had observed many details of his relationship with his Lord... but he had not been able to interpret any of these correctly.
Partly because the Devil had an unsuspecting side, which only a person as close as a personal valet could have learned over the millennia... And partly because King Dice himself seemed to live in a world of his own, made up of scat, energetic dance moves and bets, too superficial to know how to read his own heart.
And so Henchman had framed a precise situation. And now he knew perfectly well how to interpret the Devil's sidelong glances, his contradictory behaviors and the purring that he occasionally made in spite of himself.
King Dice had asked him for explanations, he wanted to know the reason for the Devil's sudden coldness, but Henchman hadn't felt like blurting out what he thought without first checking it out for himself: he would have caused a ruckus, if he had made a mistake!
But he had made a pact: he had promised to help the Finest Demon recover the good relationship he once had with the Devil, and to shed light on the matter!
And Henchman was willing to honor it at the cost of his life.
So, very nonchalantly, he approached his Lord and master, who in the meantime had peeked into the roulette room where Cuphead and Mugman were trying their luck.
"Damn, Boss! Mr. King Dice always puts so much effort into his work! Shouldn't you pay him more compliments..?" He suggested petulantly.
"What for?" said the Devil, with all the sweetness of an unripe lemon.
"He really enjoys being appreciated!"
"Ha! Of course he does. That's what he lives for! To clown around in front of this crowd of inferiors and be told how good and handsome he is!" he spat, his fur bristling. "And even if some drooling admirer doesn't do it, he'll fix it himself! He spends hours playing lovebird with his own mirror!!"
Henchman shrugged.
"Well, you're not entirely wrong, Boss. King Dice really enjoys the admiration of his fans. But he'd rather have yours! He'll do anything to amuse you, or be appreciated by Your Highness.."
"Come on, Henchman! He's scared to death that I'll get tired of him and replace him with another mountebank!" he hissed mercilessly, watching in annoyance as Cuphead won another bet.
Henchman eyed his master.
"That's not the case, Boss! We all fear you very much, as you know, and he's no exception. But it's not just that: he really cares about your opinion! It breaks his heart every time he fails to make you happy.."
"HAhaha!! The heart! What heart?" laughed the Devil, hands on hips. "Henchman, Dice doesn't have a heart! If there was anything under those sculpted pecs, it would be a microscopic-sized ice cube!"
"But Boss, no one questions the cruelty of Mister King Dice!" he tried again, with the indulgence of a nurse. "But I don't think he's insensitive at all! You should see how low and sad he becomes when he thinks he's disappointed you.."
"Mpf! Because he's afraid of retaliation! And rightly so." He muttered stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest.
"..but when he talks about you he lights up like a bonfire!" Henchman insisted, with a smirk. "And he comes alive! His eyes light up, his cheeks flush.."
And Henchman saw with satisfaction the little signs he had become accustomed to: the slightly darker fur around the cheeks, the gremlin ears a little lower and the Luciferian tail in a perpetual state of ferment.
He was on his way to purring.
"That's why I feel bad when you don't congratulate him on his work! Of course, that was a killer song! Wasn't it, Boss?"
"Well, yeah.. it wasn't bad.."
"You want to dance to it, right?" Henchman did a few dance steps, and the Devil couldn't help but repeat the tune through his teeth and tap his foot to the rhythm.
"..actually rocks!"
"And what about the cowboy outfit..?" Henchman ventured, raising his eyebrows rhythmically. "With the shiny fringes! It suited him like a glove..!"
The Devil stopped his foot, suddenly fell silent, and peered back into the room from the corner. He cleared his throat.
"Hm-hm! Yes, not bad.."
"...And then the voice! And how he moved! And how he played..!"
The Devil swallowed.
"..He knows what he's doing.." he murmured in a hoarse voice.
"..He's really handsome, isn't he?" Henchman teased suggestively. "The fulard instead of the bandana is a very glam variant, and the jacket.."
"What a talk, even if you dress him up with a sack, he's still the sweetest piece of-HEY, WAIT A SEC!!" he snapped, straightening up.
"Henchman, I think you like him a little too much!! Look, the days of Arcadia are long over!" he scolded him sharply, his cheeks burning under his fur. "That rascal is from the Victorian era! He probably can't even pronounce the word feet...!"
"But Boss! What are you thinking!" Henchman couldn't suppress a smile. He couldn't believe he'd been right in his suspicions! Oh, that was a scoop!! "These are qualities everyone attributes to him!"
And then, continuing to tease: "What's going on, Boss? It's not jealousy, is it?"
"HA!!! No way! ME??? About that imbecile!! PFUI!! Nonsense! I don't care about anyone, imagine what I could care about a charming rascal!" he meowed, shaking a hand in annoyance. "But what is he doing anyway?? Those two have won a lot of money in the meantime!"
A short distance away, Cuphead and Mugman passed by the billiards room with pockets full of hard cash.
“Hi, old scratch!” Cuphead shouted at him, waving. "It's a pleasure to win your money!!"
"GRRRRRRR!!!" growled the Devil, increasingly annoyed.
And since, at that very moment, King Dice was also moving to follow them boldly, he wasted no time: he grabbed him by the jacket in the middle of a scat and dragged him aside, ignoring the little scream of panic that came out of him!
"Look, Pecos Bill! Wasn't this casino stuff supposed to be used to get those two hateful kids in check??!" he roared, three centimeters from his nose.
"It actually serves many purposes, Big D!" said King Dice, trying to stay calm as when taming a hungry lion. "Providing you with more souls and me with more money.. Making sure you can watch my shows whenever you want, while still leaving me on the surface! You know, because the entrance to Hell is right down here.."
"Do you want to explain to me why those two are winning the bets??!" he said, pointing to the kids with poles already in hand.
"Because they're incredibly lucky, Boss! It's simple!!"
"They're.. ARE YOU KIDDING?!" the Devil exploded, dropping his jacket and throwing his hands in the air. "You mean your tables aren't rigged??"
King Dice started, scandalized.
"No, of course not!! What would be the point!?"
"If I don't get those souls by tonight, Dice, this casino will become a mess!! I guarantee it!!"
"BOSS!!" shouted Henchman.
"WHAT??" Both shouted back.
"What, "what," Dice? I'm the Boss with a capital B!" the Devil snapped.
"Sure, Boss! But I'm the casino manager, and Henchman is my bouncer! I thought when he said "boss" he meant…" he tried.
"No, I was talking to the Boss, Boss!!" Henchman explained, pointing to the Devil. "The one with a capital B!"
"Got it, 'boss'? He was talking to the Boss!" the Devil gloated. "What's up, Henchman?"
"I think you should listen to the boss, Boss!" Henchman said, pointing to King Dice.
The Devil put his ears back. "Wait, what do you mean..?"
"You see, ever since Stickler convinced you to cooperate with Mr. King Dice, things have been unusually smooth!" Henchman explained, in the affectionate, conciliatory tone he knew had a calming effect on the Devil. "Perhaps you should express your concerns a little less aggressively, and listen to his explanations!"
The Devil pressed his ears further back behind his head, glancing sideways at his Finest Demon, who was meanwhile straightening his jacket with a tense smile.
"Mmmmmmm okay, Henchmen! Let's try the Stickler method..." he said, pronouncing the infernal accountant's name with barely concealed disgust.
Then he puffed out his chest in a deep breath, and exhaled by joining his thumb and forefinger in a Zen posture.
"Okay.. Dice? Those two china scraps are always lucky at gambling! Especially Cuphead. And they're proving it once again!" He said the words with all the calm in the world, still pointing at the two boys.
Just then, Cuphead potted the eight ball, to everyone's delight. King Dice watched the scene with his hands on his beautiful, slender hips and an even wider smile.
"And you, my dear, are surely aware of how unlucky I am at gambling, when it comes to that one!" the Devil, trying to hold back his anger. "So I ask you, with all the clarity in the world: how do you think you can defeat him, without rigging the games?"
"I'll explain it to you willingly!" said King Dice, once again gallant and in control of the situation. "See... you, Big D, are a natural talent! You are pure darkness! Your very essence pushes you to be formidable, and to move among the forces of evil like a veteran..!"
"Yes, I know, dear... but cut the violins short!" the Devil purred softly.
Behind him, Henchman raised two thumbs of encouragement to the manager, who continued with renewed verve:
"..I, on the other hand, am just a humble Dice, and I've been doing this little job for just a century! So I have to apply myself a lot more to get appreciable results! In the past few months a lot of things have happened.. And they have all taught me useful tricks to be a demon at your service! I'm still learning, Big D.. but try to follow my swing, you will not regret it.."
"Hm.. All right, let's hear it. Let me swing.." meowed the Devil, pricking up his ears curiously.
"At your command, Sir!!"
..and the next second, the Devil was in the arms of his Finest Demon with his fur standing on end, forced to divide his attention between following the dance steps, the explanations of the case and the shirt of his knight tightened by the country jacket, so close to his body that he could feel the electricity.
His brain was struggling to maintain its cognitive functions, on a body that was suddenly undergoing a wave of sensations that he had only felt in his most sinful dreams.
What was happening?
"B..but I..! I don't.. w-want to say.." he stammered, not sure how to use his hands.
"As I was telling you, Boss.." King Dice continued, dancing vigorously and guiding his companion like a precious doll. "What I've learned is that it's all about trades! You know, you can gamble with fate itself, if you want! I did it at Easter.."
The manager accompanied his partner in a casquè.
"..and I won!" he said, before lifting him up forcefully and continuing the dance.
The Devil fell silent.
He remembered Easter, and the unsuspected strength of his finest demon, when he had caught him after a precipice of several dozen meters while remaining standing.
"I did the same with Hopus Pocus! And with that stupid cabrette, far away, in 1821.. Do you remember, Big D? When we met.." he added, with an unusual sweetness in his voice.
The Devil didn't answer, his eyes wide and his breath in his lungs, stunned by the crash in his rib cage.
Instead, he let himself be spun around and lifted gracefully into the air.
"On all these occasions, in one way or another I must have tapped into some evil power. Of course! I sold you the soul of that tone deaf guy, I found a mystical artifact and I became the master of a very powerful ancestral wizard How did I always win, I wondered? And why doesn't the same trick work if it's you with the brat and his brother?"
"..and you answered yourself..?" the Devil murmured very softly with a slurred tongue, letting himself be "unrolled" away from his companion, then returning to his place, even closer, with a pirouette in reverse.
Dreams go to hell, if he had forgotten about Paradise, now he had a memory of it.
"That's it, Big D! You know what I got? It all depends on which one of the two loses their balance!" he explained, quickening his pace. "We are not cheap players! We gamble lives, souls and destinies! In all those cases, I played with a calm heart and had a much higher motivation than my opponent!"
The Devil swallowed, hypnotized by their joined hands. King Dice had a gentle but strong and confident grip.
"..and what was it?.." he asked in a thin voice.
"It was you, obviously!"
"Ah.." he stuttered, his pupils dilating. "E..even the f..first time..?"
"Eh, I didn't know it yet... but I think so! Because I really, really wanted to send you that idiot's soul!" he whispered in his ear with a cruel voice, to prevent the bystanders from hearing that terrible sentence.
That's was it. That was the limit.
And the ear in question almost caught fire, full of blood as it was. And the hormonal blood ended up flooding the brain, because with a rush of adrenaline, the Devil took control of the dance and began to speak with almost feral fury.
How, in hell. How could he not do it on purpose?
"And let's see, what would be the opponent's unbalance? Hm? Where did the others go wrong?? What's the trick?" Then, almost violently, with a wave of his hand he covered himself with an elegant green and gold tailcoat and resumed leading the round with mastery.
King Dice seemed nothing but radiant at such enthusiasm.
"The pettiness, Big D!" he smiled, without taking his dark eyes off his companion's incandescent irises. "Attachment to money! Resentment. Fear.."
"I wasn't afraid at all last time, Dice!" said the Devil firmly, in a low voice.
"But you weren't calm!" He pointed out. "And you were playing to avoid losing, while the boy was playing to save his friend! In the deadly game, the one with the calm heart and the highest stake won."
"And what about the here and now?" the Devil pressed, with the urgent tone of someone speaking of more private matters. Gods, if at that precise moment he had asked him to lie down on the ground and let himself be taken without mercy, he would have obliged gladly. "Tell me, what should I do?"
"Big D, you have to do what you do best: play on vices!" the Finest Demon said sweetly, with an evil smile. "So I prepared this nice playground for you! Let that brat and his brother have some fun.."
The two devils stopped the dance in sync, a few centimeters from each other.
"..then go to them, later in the evening. Challenge them, and propose the stakes yourself.."
The Devil felt something slip into the hand he still held with the demon. Not without effort, he tore his gaze from that magnetic face to examine the contents in his palm.
"..All the Casino's money, or their souls! If they accept, and I have no doubt they will, victory will be yours.."
The Devil watched the two translucent red dice shine in the light of the crystal chandeliers. "These are your dice..!"
King Dice bent down to blow on them and give them a last, dazzling smile: "Oh, you still remember them! That fills my heart with joy! Tonight they are yours, Big D! Enjoy.."
And with a deep bow, he stepped back to his managerial duties, leaving him to the mercy of violent internal storms and a heart that screamed from the strain of breaking through his chest.
That wasn't fair. That wasn't fair at all.
Slowly like a fox trying to steal grapes, Henchman approached his master, looking pleased.
"Oh, boy! Now that was dancing!"
...........................................................
After trying out the first few games, since it was dinner time, Cuphead and Mugman decided they should attack the buffet!
Ah, they were not disappointed at all!! The banquet hall was elegant but not too much: it seemed designed to be an above-average place for a poor man, but very simple for a rich one!
In short, a place to make anyone happy! And above all, the tables were so laden with food that there was no room for plates! In fact, people ate standing up or sitting on comfortable golden sofas scattered here and there throughout the room.
About thirty skeletal waiters bustled back and forth, taking dirty dishes out of people's hands and replacing empty trays with others full of various goodies!
And what an absurd variety of dishes there was!! And what smells! The two brothers didn't know where to turn their gaze!
There was clam chowder, blue lobster with avocado cream, beef and cabbage with horseradish sauce, stewed quail, suckling pig with cream sauce, deviled eggs, grilled tongue, quail eggs, almond chicken and shrimp cocktails!!
And there were fruit juice and punch fountains dotted around, huge and bubbling!
Not to mention the dessert table!! It certainly wasn't Sugarland, but the variety of colorful pastries, cakes, ice cream and parfaits was countless! They had red velvet, apricot cake, chocolate eclairs, pralines of all kinds and mint sticks!
But there wasn't just haute cuisine: curiously, one of the tables was laden with dishes of a much more humble nature, although equally tasty: there was fried chicken, pork shank, tripe stew, pig's trotters , turkey, rice salad, fried okra, cornbread and pancakes, and pecan pie.
"That's a lot of pork!" Cuphead commented. "That's why old Porkrind hasn't shown up!"
"Hihihi! He was afraid he'd end up in the buffet!" joked Mugman, tasting the cake.
"How strange! Why are there even such homemade dishes?" Cuphead asked a waiter, biting into a generous portion of the shank. "Not that there's anything to complain about!"
"Yes! We thought that only the finest things were served at banquets!" added Mugman.
"Yes, that was the plan!" the skeleton explained, snapping the bones as he moved. "But you know, Mr. King Dice loves this kind of cooking! He called it 'Soul'!"
"Very romantic!" Cuphead wolfed down a spoonful of tripe.
"Hey, Cuphead, aren't those Ribby and Croaks over there?" Mugman whispered.
"Yeah, that's them... better stay away from them! We're not on very good terms..."
"They're talking to King Dice! I wonder what they're saying..?"
Cuphead shrugged, and rushed to the dessert table.
"Don't think about it too much, Mugsey! They're probably asking for his autograph, like everyone else.."
..though in fact, the tone of the conversation between the three of them was more like this:
"We're frankly offended that you serve frogs' legs in the buffet!" protested Ribby.
"Yeah! Didn't you think there might be some amphibian customers? Frogs, perhaps?" Croaks pointed out, banging his gloved fists together.
"Hmm.. what frogs are you talking about, gentlemen..?" King Dice asked with emulated surprise.
"Are you blind, mate? They're right in front of you!" Ribby jumped up, banging his big fists in turn.
"Hmmmmmmmmmm... so.. are you mute, gentlemen?" the manager asked again softly.
The two frog brothers looked at each other in disbelief.
"What, are you blind and deaf?" croaked Croaks.
"Of course we're not mute!" echoed Ribby.
"...And maybe you're that small..?" said King Dice, measuring a few centimeters of air with his fingers.
Again, the two brothers swelled their goitres.
"Certainly not! We are both big men!" said Croaks!
"..So maybe you live in the mud?" asked King Dice again. "And you roll in the ponds?"
"That's disgusting!" protested Ribby. "Not at all! We have a very nice house on a boat!!"
"And a nice restaurant too!!" added Croaks.
"Now, gentlemen, it seems obvious to me that you are not frogs!" King Dice concluded, making them jump. "Come on, cut with the self-esteem issues! Would it seem plausible to you that I would be offended if you played dice in room six..? By the way, have you been to room six yet?"
"Um.. no, actually.." said the two toads, widening their eyes.
"Why don't you pop over..? Ehehe.. did you get it..?" said the manager with a mischievous smile, elbowing them in a friendly way.
The two frogs started giggling back: "Yeah... why don't we go and roll the dice?"
"HAHAhaha!! You two are hilarious!!"
"Hehehe!! Yep, little brother! Let's try our luck!" said Ribby.
"I have a feeling we're going to get lucky tonight..!" said Croaks.
"That's the spirit!!" cheered King Dice, waving at them. "Oh, and don't forget your snack!"
"Of course, thank you to all six of your faces! Hehehe.." laughed Ribby, taking the frog legs absentmindedly.
"Hahaha!! Should we blow on him for good luck?" the other one laughed, walking away with his brother.
"Hahahaha!!! What a laugh.." King Dice said, through gritted teeth.
And he added, in a very low voice: "...their thighs are the right size for the Boss's plate, after all.."
TO BE CONTINUED..............
Notes:
Yeeeeah, I took inspiration from this drawing by Paprikaries: https://paprikaries.tumblr.com/post/747506317783121920/swing-with-the-devil-and-dice-wip-fanart-the
I just found it too sexy not to write a chapter about! Even though Dice was dressed as a cowboy in my fic!
If you've read the previous fanfiction, Midsummer Century Dream, you might have a good idea what the Northern Lights have to do with the Devil.
See you in a week!
Chapter 3: Snake Eyes!
Summary:
The two cup brothers explore the Devil's Casino and accumulate more and more riches. But what do they say? The higher you go, the harder you fall.
Notes:
This chapter is part of the game's lore. In the sense that many of the lines are the same: it's time, in the Holydayverse, to tackle the canon. I had a lot of fun roasting the two cups..
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There was a large wall clock in one of the halls, and when Cuphead and Mugman walked past it, they realized that it was already a quarter past eight!
"Uh, look how late it is, Cuphead!" Mugman gasped. "The sun set so long ago..!"
"So?"
"So Elder Kettle will be mad if we get home too late!"
“Yes, but we told him we had to watch the fireworks, right?” Cuphead said, ducking into a small room all draped and veiled. "He knows we'll be home in the dark."
"You're right! I keep thinking about it too much..!"
Cuphead sniffed the air of the new place, and immediately got perky! A wide smile broke out on his lacquered face.
"Hey Mugsey?"
"Mpf! What a stench.." Mugman covered his nose with both hands. "Did they burn something bad..?"
"No, you idiot! We're in the smoking room!"
The room was smaller than the others around the large Casino, but it felt like a world apart! It was very hot in there, and it was all due to the enormous flaming brazier in the middle of the room!
The air was filled with wisps of thick smoke, and many wealthy patrons were chatting between the seats with their own tobacco rolled between their fingers!
The ladies, on the other hand, almost all had a long cigarette holder rigorously loaded! They spoke in a hushed tone, as if at an elegant reception, and a low, well-rhythmic jazz music played from a gramophone! Cuphead would have sworn he had already heard it on the radio, during the "Roll the Dice!" program.
The local servants looked a lot like cigarettes too... except they had bat wings and ox horns!
"Let's go smoke!!" he exclaimed happily! "King Dice said we have a cigar, along with the drink!"
"I don't know.. it seems to me that the air is a bit thick here..!" coughed Mugman.
"Oh, come on, don't be a child! As if I've never smelled tobacco! There's more smoke coming out of Elder Kettle's pipe than our chimney now!"
"Elder Kettle's pipe doesn't smell that bad!"
"Your hermano is right, little one!" rasped a scratchy voice from behind the brazier. "Dos cigarros gratis, for two very welcome guests!"
As the two boys watched in disbelief, a large cigar with a human face emerged from the center of an equally large, elegant ashtray.
It was indistinguishable which was more yellow, his eyes or his square teeth, separated by a small window!
And he had a long nose, burnt at the tip, and a pair of matchstick moustaches very much like King Dice's!
"You must be Mr. Wheezy!" Cuphead said, putting on a big manly face. "I'm Cuphead, and this is Mugman! We've come to get cigars!!"
"Welcome to the Devil's Casino!! It's a pleasure to see two niños enjoying the joys of life so young!" said Mr. Wheezy, moving unsuspectingly to press some levers at his side and make a cigar box drop from the ceiling. "Por favor, don't be shy! You never forget your first cigar!"
"Hihihi!! Muchas gracias, amigo!" Cuphead chuckled, grabbing two. "Here Mugsy! I'll teach you how to do it!!"
"What?? Cuphead! You don't mean to tell me you've smoked before!!"
"No, you idiot! I saw it in a movie!! That makes me practically an expert!!" grinned the red-nosed cup, biting off one end of the roll of leaves. "Excuse me, Señor Wheezy! May I...?"
And without further ado, he brought the tip of the cigar to the brazier and took a big drag.
..Too big, probably, because the poor fool puffed out his cheeks like a balloon to stifle his coughing fits, and began to take on a greenish color!
"Cuphead..? Are you okay...?" his brother said anxiously.
"Great, Mug!!" screeched Cuphead, exhaling smoke from his mouth, nose and ears, looking dazed. "Come on, light up too, and let's continue the tour..!"
Influenced by the other's arrogant attitude, Mugman imitated the moves to light the cigar.. ...and he too ended up with puffy cheeks and eyes that watered like Niagara Falls!!
"So? What did I tell you? Not bad, huh...?" Cuphead blew another toxic cloud into his windpipe.
"Cough cough! Yes, it's a blast.." Mugman forced himself to say, so as not to make himself look like an idiot.
"Good job, niños!! That's the way to do it!! I started early too! With my first breath I smoked myself! Harr harr harr!" snickered Wheezy. "And please tell Señor King Dice that I served you well!!"
"Sure, Wheezy!! Cough cough.. count on it..!" Mugman coughed, following his brother out of the room. "Cuphead, do we really have to finish it all?"
Cuphead quickened his pace, his eyes red, and he smoked with determination. "It's obvious! We're adults, right? If we throw it away we'll look like rookies! What do you want it to be, a cigar?"
"But do you really like it..? I feel suffocated.."
"I'll tell you, I'm starting to like it!" he said, his voice already hoarse than before. "I see myself at forty, with a gold watch and one of these!"
"I don't know... I think I would look better with a gold watch and an ice cream!"
"Hahahha!! Baby boy! Baby boy!" Cuphead chanted, entering another arched door.
And, after walking down a long corridor, they found themselves outside again! But this time the landscape had changed radically.
The opulent and sophisticated environment of the Casino was gone, no more green plants or suffused crystals!
Instead, the sun, now set, gave the place a connotation that was perhaps even more sinister than it would have had in broad daylight.
There was still vegetation... but it was mostly dead trees and marsh grass. There were gazebos and stands, but they were simple wood and not very elaborately made, and they looked like they had been there for a century! Some were even perforated by the remains of trees.
And there was a large circular track, on which skeleton stallions were racing furiously, ridden by jockeys who were no more alive than them!
The clientele that was there was also rather strange: apart from a few Inkwellian racing enthusiasts willing to ignore that infernal environment, the majority were clearly ghosts. Of those with a sheet over their heads, so to speak!
"This sucks!" Cuphead finished his cigar and unceremoniously tossed it aside. "I bet the Devil had a hand in this!"
"Yeah, that's his style!" Mugman immediately took advantage of the situation to throw away his cigar as well, even though it was only half done. "What a shame, though! If King Dice had done this, it would have been beautiful here too!"
"Well, at least there are horses!" Cuphead ran to the betting office, where a creepy horse skeleton with a green hat and a cigarette in its mouth was collecting the money. "Let's go make some bets!"
And so they lost themselves for dozens of minutes betting on those demonic nags together with everyone else, until they collected another handful of victories.
But they still had a lot of money to bet, and soon they got bored of that umpteenth, unhealthy pastime! Also because those horses never seemed to get tired! At each end of the race they simply repositioned themselves and started over again.
So they went back to the theatre room for a while, to listen to a rerun of "Roll the Dice" by the manager (who had by then dressed in his characteristic purple suite with which he had become very famous in the islands) and to see a beautiful magic show of Hopus Pocus!
It was so much fun that they almost forgot about the fireworks..
Almost, in fact! Because around ten thirty, Henchman went around the Casino, announcing to everyone present that the fireworks display was about to begin!
So everyone gathered in the courtyard outside, some already heavily stunned by alcohol, some genuinely happy and some who instead had taken on a truly strange look: as if they had just come out of a black and white movie!
They had lost all their color.
"Cuphead.. I think it's a trap!" said Mugman fearfully. "I don't like that we're all here in the same place.."
"Well, can't you relax? You've been on edge all evening! Look, the Devil can't do anything to us right now!".
"Yes I know.. I've just had a bad feeling all evening!" Mugman hugged himself, shivering. "I feel like a rabbit in hunting season!"
"No wonder you feel like a rabbit!"
"Don't mess around, Cuphead..!"
"Look, it's true that we're in the Devil's Casino.. but it's not like he can attack people randomly!" he tried to reassure him. "He follows rules! I don't know what they are or why, but I've noticed that sometimes he says he can't do this or that, and other times he blatantly breaks some limits and then he pays for it!"
"Like when he tried to get the pitchfork back but couldn't do it without a trade..?"
"Exactly! He can't just come here and do whatever he wants!"
"Yes, you may be right, Cuphead!" Mugman relaxed his nerves just as the first beautiful display, white, silver and gold, exploded into the night sky!
Those Perseidea fireworks were spectacular, the most beautiful the two brothers had ever seen, and they lasted much longer than the fireworks of other years! Some were so elaborate it was scary! There was even a dark blue and gold one that was shaped like the Devil! And another blood red and silver that looked like an erupting volcano! And another light green one shaped like a dragon!
Meanwhile, King Dice's orchestra continued to play some fun pieces, with the manager conducting energetically, baton in hand and rhythm in his blood!
When the show ended, everyone applauded: no one seemed to get hurt!
"Now the fireworks are over and it's really late! We should go home!" Mugman said, unconvinced.
"Yes, we should, in theory..."
Cuphead's criminal wheels started to turn, driven by the adrenaline of a thirteen-year-old having fun.
"...But we might not have seen the fires yet!" he said finally, with a big smile.
"What do you mean? We saw them just now!"
"But Elder Kettle doesn't know!" he grinned. "He sits with his big butt in front of the fireplace, dozing and listening to music! We tell him they made them late, and he'll understand!"
"You're right! I didn't think of that." Mugman shrugged. "What harm can there be in spending a little more time here?"
"Not to mention that we're getting filthy rich!!"
Cuphead and Mugman pulled the large wads of money they'd accumulated during the evening out of their pockets and discreetly began counting.
"Sixteen thousand.. Seventeen thousand, Eighteen thousand.."
"Forty thousand.. Forty-one thousand, Forty-two thousand..!"
Both brothers' eyes bulged and they whistled like kettles. The cups almost fell off their necks!
"Do you realize we made sixty thousand dollars in one night?!" Mugman squeaked in disbelief. "How much can we buy with sixty thousand dollars??"
"A three-story mansion!! And a big car!! And a casino all to ourselves!!"
“We may not work for our whole lives!!”
The two boys cheered, hugging each other happily.
"Hey Mugsey.. are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Shall we go home and tell Elder Kettle the good news??"
"No!" Cuphead said, pulling away from his brother. "We'll get to a hundred thousand!! That'll be a round number, and if we have to split it, it'll be fifty thousand each!!"
"Hmm.. what if we lose them??"
"Nah! Just don't play them all at once!" Cuphead said, grabbing his arm. "Come on!! If we play well, we'll be done by midnight!!"
“Cuphead, but that means we’ll be back around 1am!” he said alarmed. "We've never gotten home this late! It's also a little scary to walk through the woods at that hour.."
"What a fool you are!! We'll be full of money: we'll pay for a taxi ride! In fact, we could even sleep in a hotel here!!"
Mugman smiled. "You're right! It's great to be rich! You can do whatever you want!!"
And so the two little wretches entered the first available room near the entrance: it was the most characteristic of the entire casino, the one that best gathered all the best structural ideas in one place.
A magnificent room with a checkered floor, walls frescoed with wonderful landscapes, a dome with a starry sky and columns of marble and gold! In the center there were several strange tables, and among the players there were also some skeletons of the staff.
"Cuphead, did you see? Here the tables look like coffins.."
Cuphead walked over to one of them.
"They don't just look like coffins, they're coffins! They're just lined with green on the inside, like gaming tables!"
"How macabre."
Cuphead shrugged. "Not any more macabre than the racetrack!"
"Hey, what are we playing in this room?" they asked the skeletons at the nearest table.
"Here? Here we play dice!" One of them explained. "You're in room number six! Do you want to roll a die too?"
"Tsk! Make room for me, amateurs! Let's bet big then!" Cuphead leaned over the edge of the coffin to throw a thousand dollars in. "Which one of you wimps has the highest bid?"
Three skeletons stepped forward.
"Are you crazy?! Betting all this money!!" said the first.
"Well, if you're poor, say it right away!" Cuphead taunted. "I'll find another room sooner!"
The three skeletons looked at each other and shrugged.
"Okay, then I'll bet a thousand too!" he said, moving his chips.
"And so I!" said the second.
"Then me too!" said the third.
"What, they're suddenly not afraid of losing?" asked Mugman, surprised by the sudden change in attitude.
"That's good!" said Cuphead. "This will make it quicker!"
"Are you the shooter?" asked the second skeleton.
"What do you mean I'm the shooter?" asked Cuphead, who despite his bluster had no idea how to play dice.
“You have to make a pass-line bet!” explained the first skeleton. "If the first roll is a seven or eleven, you win immediately. If the first roll is a two, three, or twelve, you lose immediately. If any other number is rolled, we have to keep rolling in turns until that number is rolled again. However, if a seven comes up again before you reroll that number, you lose."
"Dice rolling seems like the coolest game of all!!" Cuphead exulted, grabbing the dice. "Let's get started then!!"
And that kid really seemed blessed by the goddess of luck, because seven was the result of his first roll!
And the following rounds were no different, sooner or later the win always arrived.
They played for almost an hour, alternating turns and roles, and as with the previous games, things went wonderfully: it almost seemed as if the two brothers were favored by some form of benign curse, which prevented them from losing!
With each bet, Cuphead doubled the stake, until he cashed in the exorbitant sum of sixty-four thousand dollars with the last win, far exceeding the initial goal.
During that great roll, a six with a pair of three dots, the exultant voices of the two brothers were joined by a third, melodious and captivating like that of a siren.
Or rather, of a triton.
"Hot dawg! These fellas can't lose!" King Dice said with a big smile, leaning over the gaming table.
"Yeah, you see that, boss?" Said a skeleton with a green bow tie around his neck. "Never seen two guys so lucky!"
"Hi, Dicey-baby!" Cuphead gloated, drunk on winning. "What do you say, can we buy the whole Casino..? With you in it, maybe?"
"Hehehe.. Come on, Cuphead, don't be rude!" Mugman chuckled, overjoyed. "But really, sir! Could we do it..?"
"I don't know guys! I cost a little more than this casino... How much have you earned so far?"
The two boys opened the fans of money in their pockets, and the "RING!" of a cash vibrated in the air!
In fact, it didn't come from a box, but from a little bell on the corner of the coffin: the little red cockroach had rung it.
"Ugh! I thought I crushed that one..!" Cuphead said annoyed.
"Wowowow!! That's a lot of rustling greens, guys!" said King Dice, with ostentatious wonder. "You made in one night what I make in a year!"
"Damn! You make that much??" Cuphead said, scared at the prospect.
Because if Cuphead and Mugman were counting on living a life of cotton wool on that amount of money, it was also true that they never imagined it was possible to replicate it!
And it also meant they couldn't possibly hire King Dice unless they expected to use up their entire budget in a year to pay him!
"I think we need to get richer, Mugsey!"
"Yeah, I think so too."
"Well, guys! I guess we can always share a drink at your new mansion someday!" King Dice said, hands behind his back.
"But what if we just kept playing?" Cuphead asked. "What time does the casino close..?"
"At six in the morning, Mr. Luck! And it reopens at noon!"
"In fact, why give up now..?" said another voice, much more treacherous and familiar.
The two brothers jumped with hearts in their throats. Behind them, the skeletons disappeared as if absorbed by the walls themselves.
If there had been candles, they would have gone out ominously, and if there had been a gramophone (and not the echo of the orchestra from the theater area) it would have stuck on the same two disturbing notes.
Instead, the shadow of the Devil's long horns loomed across the entire length of the coffin table, right in front of Cuphead.
"Nice round, boys!" laughed the Devil, clapping his hands. "I'm impressed!"
King Dice bowed deeply and stepped back to make room at the gaming table, never taking his eyes off him, with a strangely enigmatic smile.
The Devil gave him a sidelong glance so fleeting that only an eagle could have seen it.
"You guys won't mind if I play too?"
"Eeeeh.." Cuphead looked around: all the other contestants seemed to have vanished. "No, it's fine! What do you want to bet?"
Mugman frowned: the old shiver of danger was re-emerging from under his black sweater!
"Well, actually I wanted to kick you out, since you're busting the safe! But I said to myself: after all, the casino is mine! Why not at least take a shot before closing due to lack of funds?" said the Devil, staring at his nails.
"What, lack of funds?" asked Mugman. "Have we already won most of the cash?"
"No, not at all! But you know what? It doesn't make much of a difference to me! I'll replenish them if necessary! Now, I was thinking... How about we raise the stakes?" he suggested, with a toothy grin.
Reaching out a black, furry, clawed hand, he revealed two beautiful translucent red dice, similar to the ones they were playing with, but older looking.
"There's at least one more hundred like yours in the vault!" he informed them, in a charming tone. "Win one more roll, and all the loot in my casino will be yours!"
"ALL THE LOOT IN THE VAULT??" Cuphead blurted out, as two enormous $'s took over his pupils. "Accept..!"
"Wait!!" Mugman stopped them. "What if we lose..? You said you don't care about money!"
The Devil bared his fangs more.
"If you lose, I'll have your souls!" he whispered. "Deal?"
Cuphead grinned back, starting to whistle like a pressure cooker.
Mugman felt a trickle of cold sweat run down his back.
"Cuphead, no!" he warned, grabbing him by the suspenders. "You're not going to accept..?"
"And why not? When has he ever won? Old Scratch is a loser at this stuff!"
"You're right, but... I have a really bad feeling!"
"You've had a really bad feeling all night!" he said, pushing him away, as he grabbed the red dice from the Devil's hands. "We accept, Mugsey! We and Elder Kettle will live in luxury! Can you believe it?? And with that money we can open a business, have someone else run it, and become even richer!"
"Hmmmm.. yes, indeed..!"
"Then we pay salaries to whoever we want!" Cuphead shook his hand with the dice hard. "What do you bet, old scratch? A six, I guess.."
"No, I bet.. a two!" he said. And he involuntarily glanced at the manager, who continued to observe him with a thoughtful expression and serene, complicit eyes.
"Oh.." Cuphead said in surprise, taken aback. "Okay, then I'll bet a five!" And, without thinking twice, he rolled the dice.
And a ten came up.
"Damn! Over to you, old man! Do your worst!"
"With great pleasure.." meowed the Devil, grabbing the dice, and shaking them well.
Mugman hung on the edge of the coffin, contrite and sweating, while the dice rolled across the green carpet.
And this time there were no cheers. And the smile disappeared from Cuphead's face like a flash.
But a deviant laugh began to rise from the Devil's throat, higher and higher and louder. His size naturally increased as well, until his horns touched the high ceiling.
"Snake Eyes!" he laughed, slamming a large hand on the floor with a terrible crash. "You lose!"
At the stroke of midnight on Perseidea, whatever good the Devil's Casino had represented up to that moment ended forever for Cuphead and Mugman.
The background music seemed to have faded into an eerie distortion, barely audible beneath the Devil's deep laughter.
The King of Hell had grown in size to fill the entire room, like a cat trapped in a box with two mice; it was far from his true, titanic size, but it was enough to block the exits.
The Devil's red irises blazed over the trembling children: "And now, about those souls..."
Instinctively, the brothers hid behind the manager, too terrified of the Demon to notice the manic smile and joyful green sparkle in King Dice's eyes.
"W-Wait!! That's not possible!! You must have cheated!" Cuphead shouted. "King Dice, he always cheats!!"
"That's r-right! He proba-bly rigged the dice! H-he must have cast a spell on them!" Mugman tried to add.
“Loaded dice in my casino?” King Dice said, feigning indignation. "Let's check it out right now!"
And with both wretches clinging to his gaiters, he walked confidently under the Devil's nose, to pick up the red dice from the coffin.
He shook them a little, and threw them again with a special delight painted on his face, while everyone could clearly see an 8 come out. Cuphead and Mugman gasped in horror.
"Well, it looks like everything is fine here, boys!" he said languidly, winking at the beast. "I'm sorry, but you faced a crazy bet and lost it! What should I do? I have no power over these things.."
"Indeed!" the Devil licked his jaws. "And you had no idea how badly I wanted this moment! I'll gobble up your souls so fast you won't even notice you've passed through!"
Pushing his way through the fur, Henchman popped up like a mushroom from a corner of the room.
"Oh, boy!" he said, noticing the favorable situation.
"No, wait, come on!!" shouted Cuphead. "Y-you liked my jokes! If you eat me now I won't be able to make any more!!"
"Cuphead!! What about me??" protested Mugman.
"And.. And Mugman is great at being a cleaner!! Don't you need a janitor..?"
"That's right!! I'm unbeatable at.. wait, what?"
"I don't need either of you a damn bit!" roared the Devil (because at that size it was impossible to meow). "I already have both the jester and the butler! And you've bored me with your loopholes!!"
"Wow!! I'm the butler!!" Henchman cheered, fists pounding the ceiling.
"Wow.. I'm the jester..!" King Dice groaned, fists pounding the floor.
"W-Wait! T-there must be another w-way to repay you!" Mugman whimpered, falling to his knees, hands clasped together. "P-please..!"
"Y-yes, please! We will return all the money!!" Cuphead stammered, bowing down as well.
"HAHAhaha! I don't give a damn about the money, otherwise I wouldn't have gambled away the entire vault!" the Devil laughed loudly, opening his mouth wide and approaching with all his fangs.
"STOP, PLEASE!!" Cuphead screamed in despair, his little red nose pointed in the air. "WE'LL FIND YOU TWO MORE REPLACEMENT SOULS!!"
"What..?" The Devil closed his mouth and perked up his ears.
"What??!!" Henchman and King Dice chorused, taken aback.
"WHAT??!!!" Mugman jumped up, grabbing his brother by the suspenders and planting his blue nose against his. "Cuphead, what are you talking about??!!"
Cuphead grabbed the handle behind his brother's head to plant him face down into the floor.
"Look, if we help you take someone else's soul, like, some bad guy you don't want to deal with, can we not give you ours?" Cuphead pleaded.
"Oh!"
And as he had grown, the Devil shrank back to his usual size of five feet seven inches (excluding his horns).
"This is completely unexpected... and unusually interesting..." he said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Congratulations! I didn't make you so evil!"
"Yes, me neither!" Mugman said harshly, lifting his face from the checkerboard floor and glaring at his brother.
"But we'd be like two cops!" Cuphead walked on the thread of hope he saw looming on the horizon. "We always get out of the most difficult situations! You've seen it too! And you don't always manage to recover souls, otherwise you'd have ours by now!"
"Hmmmm.. not stupid reasoning.." the Devil mused, summoning the pitchfork with his right hand.
A low but firm voice from his side made him perk up.
"Um... Big D?" King Dice said. "Can I have a word in private?"
The Devil pointed his pitchfork at the two boys, capturing them inside a sort of translucent dice. The two cups tried to scream and bang on the walls, but no sound came out.
"What, Dice?"
"You're not going to actually consider that?!" the manager laughed mockingly, gesturing with his hand. "I mean, you've got their souls in your grasp! You win!"
"Yeah, but the brat's right! We've been having a hard time with the big fish lately.. Not to mention that on the last roll of the dice, Brineybeard took his soul back.." the Devil mused.
"..and the parrot's one!" Henchman pointed out.
"Yes, and the parrot one. Thanks, Henchman!"
"In fact, I didn't understand why you made him bet..." King Dice raised an eyebrow.
"I forgot I already had it!" the Devil admitted, putting his hands behind his back guiltily.
"HOW?? But..!" the manager's face twisted in pain. "..But it was one of my Valentine's Day gifts.. do you remember..? The concert of the twenty-two souls.."
"Daw, Boss!! How could you forget..?" said Henchman, who in his heart suffered empathy for the Finest Demon.
The Devil cleared his throat in embarrassment.
"I-I was a little distracted tonight.. S-some blood pressure problems.. But let's not digress!! Those two little monsters are good at putting people in check.."
"But Big D!" King Dice protested, very offended. "I have procured hundreds of thousands of souls for you! I am much better than them! If you needed..!"
"Dice, you are already the manager of the Casino, the host of Roll the Dice and while you are at it you compose music!!" the Devil cut him off.
"But this is nothing!! I can do more, I can..!"
"NO!! DON'T YOU DARE!!" the Devil snapped, grabbing him by the bow tie. "First you ran that stupid show, and you couldn't get down. Then you couldn't get out, and so the souls wouldn't get in! Now we've found the perfect solution!! You run the program and casino above the entrance to Hell, so you can get all the anime you want and I see all your shows.. AND YOU WANT TO GO AWAY??!"
In the background behind Henchman's head, the bulb of a candelabra shone brighter, thanks to the demonic vibrations of the Devil. Ah, that was the problem, he thought with a smile, not forgetting his old mission!
"In fact, the Boss is right!" he intervened affably, trying to soften King Dice's confused and frightened expression. "We've collected twice as many contracts as usual in one evening! They're all small fry, the little devils or the Boss can take care of them, if he wants.. but what if there were some thorny problem?"
"I'll take care of it.." King Dice began.
But Henchman didn't give him time to continue. "You don't know how much the Boss has missed you, in your hundred years on the surface!"
The manager's features relaxed, immediately seeking the eyes of his superior.
Who pressed his ears back and darkened his cheeks.
"Ah-EHM!! We already talked about this, Henchman! Everyone knows it was boring down there!"
"But are you sure it can be done anyway?" King Dice asked. "I mean... you won their souls after all! It seems to me like they're trying to screw you over: if they get you two souls that already owe you a debt, it's basically like they're getting a free pass for nothing!"
"And who said it only has to be two?" The Devil sibyllined. "And most of all, who said I'll consider the debt paid if they bring them to me..?"
King Dice's smile widened again.
"Oooh.. I hate cheaters, but I love it when you play dirty, Big D!" he vibrated, his tone low.
A soft purr filled the air.
"I'm sure Stickler knows something about the contracts of collaboration with me!" the Devil said confidently. "And now let's settle accounts with these debtors.."
By hitting the ground with the tip of the pitchfork, the translucent and soundproof cube disappeared, and the two brothers found themselves once again in contact with the outside world.
"Very well, cup-heads! I have good news for you!" he said friendly, approaching the little unfortunates. "Know that I have decided to accept your offer!"
TO BE CONTINUED............
Notes:
For context: sixty thousand dollars in the thirties is equal to $1,130,083.83 today. And one hundred and twenty thousand (which is how much King Dice makes annually) is equal to $2,260,167.66.
That was actually Cab Calloway's earnings during the great depression!Yes, I decided to make Mr. Wheezy Latin American. This is because the best cigars are from Cuba, and also Mr. Wheezy's Italian name is a pun on that. (He is called "Juan el Cuban", or Juan the Cuban). I found it funny. My Wheezy is not a stereotype, except that he says a few words in Spanish. He is very American, instead. I liked the idea of a person similar to King Dice, who came to the islands from Cuba (even though King Dice in my canon came from an English-speaking African country) and lived most of his life here.
Chapter 4: Fifteen Minute Intermission
Summary:
Now the damage is done, and Cuphead and Mugman are forced to accept the Devil's conditions and run away in despair, into the darkness of the night.
Fortunately, however, Elder Kettle has an old trick up his sleeve! And maybe not all is lost. There is still time to see the shooting stars!
Meanwhile, at the Casino, the Devil and King Dice give two masterful performances to celebrate the cruel evening!
Notes:
This is a closing chapter of the canonical part of the game. It mostly focuses on Cuphead and Mugman and their growth, with a shorter part on the celebrations of the infernal trio.
But fear not! The next two chapters are back in full Devildice-mode, with a lot of mystery boxes solved and a lot more popping up like mushrooms!!!
It was originally supposed to have only 5 chapters, but it's a bit long..
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"REALLY?!" they both snapped in disbelief.
"Calm down your enthusiasm! I don't have any mission to entrust you at the moment.. but..!" he added, pointing his clawed index finger in the air.
"It just so happens that you have a month for such a circumstance to arise! If during this month some big idiot gets into debt with me in the same way, you'll have to take care of it! And if you can bring me its contract, then yours will be extended by another thirty days..!"
The two boys listened to the instructions with the attention they had never given in their lives, their eyes wide open and their hands clasped.
"..But if you don't manage to bring it to me before your contract reaches its limit, I will personally take care of the debtor.. and YOU too!" He pronounced the last word roaring in a guttral voice, like when he was sixty-six meters tall, making them scream in fear.
"And this time there will be no impenetrable invisible sweater to protect you..!"
"Wait..!" said Mugman, aghast. "But this way we will be forced to serve you forever!"
"If you prefer I can always take your souls here and now!" the Devil gnashed, baring his canines. "I warn you that they won't get to the safe, though! I really want to have a snack.."
"NO NO, IT'S OK!! We accept the collaboration..!" Cuphead said quickly, a hint of hysteria in his voice.
“I had no doubts!” the Devil said, hand on hip and looking proud. "So, thirty days from now.. that means you are two free cups until midnight between the 15th and 16th of September.."
"Between 14th and 15th September!" corrected King Dice. "August has 31 days, so it must be one day less..!"
"Yes! Thanks, Dice.. you saved me from a fatal gaffe.." he said, making him blush with pleasure: it was the first time that he had received thanks from his Lord.
"Dumb-dumb!! You could have been silent!" Cuphead said, looking him over. "If he had gotten confused we would have been safe!!"
"OOPS! What a fool, I hadn't even thought of that!" said the manager, with exaggerated theatricality, unable to hide the twist in his smile. "It's stronger than me, you know? I'm a very precise person.."
"But how do you get a soul contract..?!" Mugman asked. "Isn't it some magical thing? We don't have those powers!"
"Let's fix this right away!"
And the Devil pointed his pitchfork straight, and immediately a great light enveloped them.
"You must give me something of yours. Your choice on what! In exchange, you'll have the power to officially take the souls of those who owe a debt to me!"
"B-but we have nothing to give you in return..!" Mugman whined.
"You can always give your winnings back at the casino!" King Dice suggested smoothly. "Big D said he'd take anything, right?"
"BUT THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY!!" Cuphead protested. "The Devil doesn't care about money..!"
"You didn't seem to care much a while ago… you were the first to suggest this, remember?"
“Yes, but..”
"Well, it's not surprising..." the manager sighed, shaking his head like professors do when they are disappointed by students. "After all, you gambled your soul for some money! It's natural that you want to keep it... Certainly better than a working limb or some dear friend of yours, I imagine.."
"He's right, Cuphead!" his brother pointed out. "This is just money! It's not that important..!"
The red and white straw stuck in Cuphead's cup-head sagged sadly.
"Yes, that's true.. it's actually better this way.." he muttered, taking the wads of bills out of his pockets and depositing them at the Devil's feet. "Here, take it..!"
"Very well... hold out your hands, both of you!" the Devil instructed.
In spite of themselves, the kids were forced to obey: when the tip of the pitchfork touched their fingers, an unpleasant sizzling force passed through them, nestling somewhere too close to their souls.
The episode was very similar to what they had seen happen at Easter, when the Devil had obtained the pitchfork from King Dice: in that case, it was the Devil who was in debt, and the showman had requested a special power.
Except in their case, it wasn't so spectacular, and it ended almost immediately.
"You are now delegated to harvest souls!" said the Devil, withdrawing his pitchfork. "I'll work out the details with Stickler..."
"No mystical whirlwind this time?" asked Cuphead, looking curiously at his gloved hands.
"What?"
"When you did that to King Dice, you two disappeared into a strange cocoon! Why wasn't the same for us?"
"Because we were exchanging powers, you idiot!" the Devil snapped. "There's no need to do that for scraps of paper, or an annoying relative!"
"I think he was referring to you.." Cuphead eyed Mugman, who frowned angrily.
"Now scram!" he dismissed them, without much ceremony. "I've been watching you for too long, and you're making me sick! I'm getting lactose intolerant! I'll summon you when and if necessary..!"
"BUT!! So when.."
"I SAID SCRAM!!" he roared.
And the next thing they registered was being thrown out of the main door with a powerful kick in the lower parts.
........................................................
Cuphead and Mugman ran like madmen out of the Devil's Casino, and even though it was the death of the night they rushed home at breakneck speed.
Luckily there was a crescent moon in the sky, so the way back wasn't completely dark. But that didn't help!
For every element of the night seemed to be transformed into something monstrous, in the terrified eyes of the two boys: every shadow wanted to swallow them up, every branch tried to grab their clothes with long clawed fingers, and a multitude of yellow, glowing eyes stared at them from every corner!
The whole world had transformed into a horrible nightmare! And what was worse, it wasn't so far from the truth!
"Quick! We need to find Elder Kettle, and tell him everything!!" Cuphead shouted, out of breath.
"Even if he kills us?"
"If he doesn't kill us, the Devil will! Mugsey..!" Cuphead stopped in his tracks with his hands on his knees, trying to breathe. "..I know, this isn't.. it's not exactly like me to say.. but we need help this time!"
"Oh, we should never have-!"
"Cut it short, what's done is done! Keep running instead! There's not a minute to waste!!"
But, just at that moment, a dazzling light blinded them, followed by the sound of tires sizzling on the dirt road.
Shaking, the brothers threw themselves into each other's arms, trying to focus on the driver of the car.
"GUYS!!" Elder Kettle shouted, leaning over the hood to make sure he had a good look. "WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU..!"
"ELDER KETTLE!!" Cuphead and Mugman leaped into the old kettle's arms in one leap. "What are you doing here??"
"What am I doing here!! Did you see what time it is?? Do you want me to have a heart attack?!" Grandpa began to scold them.. but he soon stopped himself, because the two boys seemed to be in a real panic, and were huddling together like two chicks.
"What happened..?" he asked, worried.
Cuphead and Mugman looked at each other, defeated.
"Grandpa.." Cuphead began. "We have something to tell you.."
..............................................................................
It was twenty to three when they finally got home, after having told the whole unfortunate story.
At ten to three they were being raked by Grandpa's disciplinary stick, at three sharp they were putting on the kettle (which was a spitting image of Elder Kettle, but without face, whiskers and limbs) and at ten past three they were all standing in front of the fireplace in silence, reflecting in varying degrees on the pettiness of life.
Mugman had a pouting lip and a tear in his eye, while Cuphead stirred his tea with a finger, more dejected than ever.
Elder Kettle stared at them from the height of his chair, torn between being furious or displeased to see his grandchildren in such a bad situation.
Compared to the woods, however, the teapot house seemed like the safest and most welcoming refuge in the universe. Elder Kettle had put on the record player an old, soft piece of orchestral music with flutes, oboes, and strings, and all in all it wasn't bad for calming the waters.
"What a fine pickle you boys have gotten yourself into!" Grandpa said, shaking his head.
"BOHOOO!!" Mugman burst out, producing two huge fountains of tears. "What do we do now!?"
"I feel it: knowing the Devil he will wait until the last day to make us more distressed, and then he will eat us..!" Cuphead whined, staring at the cup.
"Or worse: he'll turn us into his lackeys and force us to be his loan sharks! BY THE WAY!!" He jumped up, suddenly angry. "Cuphead!! How could you possibly suggest something like that?!"
"What, you'd rather be killed right there and then?!" he said, standing up.
"NO! Of course not!! But making someone else pay for it..!"
"Oh, SORRY I thought I'd sacrifice someone else instead of ME AND MY BROTHER!! So sorry, huh?!"
"A real hero would have said, 'Just take me!' He wouldn't have brought other people into the mix!"
"Of course: I'm not a hero because in addition to your life I also thought about mine!! You think I'm having a lot of fun, right?!" Cuphead blurted out, raising his arms so quickly that the tea jumped and returned to his place in the cup without changing shape.
"BOYS!!!" Elder Kettle croaked, steam spewing from his long nose. "There's no point in your yelling at each other!! Besides, Cuphead's right!"
"What?!".
"Yes, I know it's a bad thing! But in his place I probably would have done the same! Obviously, I would never have gone to gamble money at the Devil's Casino in the first place! But now it's done. Listen, boys..."
Elder Kettle approached the two brothers, leaning on his staff with both hands.
"I know you don't want to be pawns of the Devil. But if you refuse.. I can't bear to imagine your fates!"
The brothers exchanged a sad look, and crouched closer to their grandfather.
"You must play along for now. Collect those contracts! But listen to me carefully: you're better be ready for some nasty business!"
"Ha! Worse than that? What could be worse..?" Cuphead grumbled, sipping his tea.
"I'm talking about your debtor 'friends', who won't be all that friendly when you confront them!" Elder Kettle admonished them.
"Sorry, what do you mean 'when will you confront them'?" Mugman asked worriedly.
"Boys.." Grandpa said slyly, speaking more with his mustache than his mouth. "Do you know what usually happens to the tax collector, when he shows up here in front of the house too early..?"
"You beat him!" they answered in chorus.
Cuphead and Mugman gasped.
"WE are the tax collectors..?" they said together.
"Worse: you are soul collectors!" Elder Kettle said, spreading his arms. "And those debtors, whoever they are, will turn into terrible beasts! You can be sure of that!"
"I got it!" Cuphead grinned. "Grandpa, you still have your old war gear?! Rifles? Grenades..?"
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!! You're not criminals!!" Elder Kettle snapped, making good use of the stick on Cuphead's cup-head.
"OF COURSE WE ARE!! We're soul collectors! If we're going to do something dirty, let's do it right, right?!" Cuphead protested, rubbing his head.
"SILENCE!! You can't go around killing people with guns and grenades!! The Devil will take care of that! You have to limit yourself to collecting contracts!" he scolded. "Otherwise you will end up in prison for the rest of your life!"
"Who cares, Grandpa!!! There are priorities!!"
"We will not kill them!" Mugman promised. "But we could always mutilate them or leg them, if you teach us how to use..!"
The second blow landed on Mugman.
"You just have to make them harmless for the job!!"
"How? Singing them a lullaby?!" Cuphead said, taking a third blow.
"NO!! There's another way!!" he said, turning with solemn austerity.
As solemnly austere as a kettle with a moustache and farsighted glasses could be, of course.
"Follow me..!"
Cuphead and Mugman watched Elder Kettle slouch to the kitchenette, and when they saw him approach the pancake area, they immediately knew where he was taking them.
For the second time that summer, they found themselves going down into the cellar of the cottage, still furnished like a laboratory, with all the vials already full and the cauldron now empty.
In the corner, the colored shell of the Egg of Eggs lay a little more worn than the last time. There was no doubt about Elder Kettle's intentions!
"You want to feed us that weird broth again??" Mugman complained, watching in horror as his grandfather picked up two nice vials full of glowing liquid. "But grandpa..!"
"No buts! You wanted the right opportunity to test my discoveries?? Well, this is the right opportunity! In fact, it's the best. Take this potion, so they won't hang you out to dry! It can't get any worse, can it?"
"Yes, it do! We could die right away!"
"Well, you'll have to trust! This, or be at the mercy of the Devil! Choose!"
"Ugh.. what a choice.. of course we will!" Cuphead said, taking the vial. "So what does this do? Does it fire blaster beams from your fingertips..?"
"No, Cuphead! How do you get such ideas..?" he said, handing the other potion to Mugman.
"I'd gladly shoot blasts from my fingers, though..."
The two brothers turned to each other to toast.
"Oh, well!" said Cuphead. "Whatever happens!"
And they gulped down the contents of the vials as if they were water.
The potion worked immediately: the two cup-boys' long arms and legs began to pulsate as if they were being traversed by a deforming force; the straw inside their heads began to whirl wildly, and almost flew off them as they leapt into mid-air!
Elder Kettle watched the whole process with a meek frown, waiting for his grandchildren to return to the ground with all the right proportions.
"This potion will give you the most remarkable magical abilities! How do you feel, boys?"
"GREAT!!" they cheered together.
"I feel like I can fly!" said Mugman.
"I feel like I can smash everything!" said Cuphead.
"Why don't you try this instead..?"
Elder Kettle walked over to a large almanac on a desk on the left side of the room, opening it to a blank page.
The brothers approached, curious. They watched as their grandfather picked up a paintbrush, and dipped it into an inkwell beside the book. Then they watched as he drew a miniature obstacle course, over several pages.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm setting up the training ground for you!" he replied placidly. "You'll need to prepare yourselves for a scrap, given what you're getting... we'll fight magic with magic!"
"I still don't get it..." said Mugman. "What does this have to do with our situation?"
Grandpa took some special pink ink and painted a few dots here and there.
"What if I told you that you can now go in and out of this path as you please..?" Grandpa pointed to the path in the book. "And that from now on you can do lots of weird things, like go through surfaces or hover for short distances?"
"What?!" they exclaimed in disbelief.
"Not only that!" he spread his arms. "I'm sure you can see more than the others now! Look at these pink dots, for example.."
"Yes, we can see them well!" said Cuphead.
"Just know that only you can see this color!" he explained.
"Really..?"
"Yes! It's made from the white of the eggshell! Apparently those who have drunk this potion can see this type of color even on particular objects, around the islands..!"
"But how do you know?" asked Mugman. "Didn't you say you only tested it on animals..?"
"Well, I tested it on those animals of our rodent neighbors!! Ok?! They always came to scrounge cheese, and not even once did they ask me! And so, I convinced them to.. collaborate!" he said, reminding the little animals, himself and the shotgun that separated them. "If hit, for example with a slap, this color accumulates a magical charge inside you! It's like loading a slingshot and then pull, and pull.."
"A magical charge!!!???"
"Yes. THAT is dangerous, once released!" he warned them remembering the little animals, himself and the devastating whirlwind of rodent revenge. "So be very careful, even while you train to use your powers! I don't want you to hurt each other!"
"Elder Kettle, can I ask you something?"
"Yes, Cuphead, tell me!"
"Why do we have to train in there, if we can even get in there? Why not out here..?"
The grandfather stared at them darkly. "Because the Devil is watching over you, my children! And I don't want him to know that I have given you an advantage over his sinister aims.."
"Oooh, I get it! You want to keep it hidden!"
"B-but that won't be possible!! He knows everything about everything!!" said Mugman, trembling all over. "And then sooner or later he'll notice anyway, if we use the powers to take the contracts!"
"That's not true, guys! He's just a big nosy. Now, be a good boy and try to get in and out of the book!"
"And.. what if we can't get out..?"
"Everyone succeeded, Mugman!" he reassured him. "Don't be a rabbit, come on..!"
"Hihihi.. Rabbit!!" Cuphead stuck his tongue out at him, then leapt into the book followed by his furious and ready-to-fight brother.
Wow, how easy it was! All it took was a thought and a jump, and both kids were on the obstacle course drawn by Elder Kettle, in a paper dimension made of ink strokes!
"Golly!!" they exclaimed, looking at Elder Kettle's big face from the outside world.
"Very good, did you see how easy it was..? Eheheheh.."
"Grandpa, it's fabulous!!" they both got excited, playing with the drawn lines. "You can make entire playgrounds here..!"
"I'll draw you guys a lot more things.. Because you'll spend a lot more time there than you think!"
"Eh..? What does it mean.?" they asked, anxious.
"Come out, I will explain my plan to you.." their grandfather urged them. "Do as you did when you came in.."
And said and done, in one leap the two brave brothers had already mastered that beautiful magic!
Elder Kettle frowned again, to let them know that this was a serious matter: "Listen, the book will serve two purposes: to train you in secret, and also to hide you from the Devil! You certainly can't escape his pact, but I don't want that scoundrel to come crashing into my house and torment you at his pleasure!
When he comes looking for you, he will have to talk to me first. And I will decide when and how you will meet, so that I can properly prepare you!"
"But grandpa, this is a useless concern!" said Cuphead. "There is no escape, sooner or later we'll have to deal with him.."
"This isn't useless at all! He can't just come into my house and take my kids away whenever he wants! It's important that you feel safe and protected! If you're scared, you're going to do the wrong thing!" he croaked, unyielding.
Cuphead and Mugman looked at each other, guiltily.
"We're so sorry we disobeyed you, Elder Kettle!"
"Yes, that was stupid! We'll never gamble again!"
"That's for certain, my little men!" he said, hugging his nephews. "But remember: as long as we remain united, there is no devil that can defeat us!"
From upstairs, the big clock in the living room struck four in the morning.
"It's getting really late; you should have been in bed a long time ago!"
"I don't think we're going to be able to sleep tonight!" muttered Cuphead.
"Yeah, and we haven't even seen any shooting stars!" said Mugman.
Grandpa thought about it for a few seconds.
"Well... there's still a couple hours until dawn! How about we spread out a cloth on the grass and compete to see who can catch the most before the sun comes up?"
"That sounds like a great idea!" Cuphead smiled, his mood back. "I really need some wishing stars!"
"And then I will draw you two little beds with mystical ink... and tomorrow morning you will rest in the book! So you won't have to fear being disturbed by the Devil in your sleep!" he said, taking his grandchildren under his arm and leading them upstairs.
.................................................
It is said that someone's trash is someone else's treasure..
And that Perseidea, indeed, turned out to be on a par with the worst poorly kept bins in the poorest neighborhoods of Inkwell; but only for the brothers Cuphead and Mugman!
Because for the three demons, that was a memorable night!
After the unfortunate boys had left the place, in fact, both King Dice and Henchman had competed in showering the Dark Lord of Evil with compliments, for how brilliantly he had handled the two hateful messes!
The Devil, who was basking in the attention, was in such a good mood that he decided to perform on stage himself.
Disguised in human form, he presented as a young man of indefinable age, with two long curled moustaches, a Luciferian beard and raven hair, dressed in a medieval fashion of black and blood red velvet, with large balloon shoulder pads and a long cloak of gold. King Dice found him stunning, and it showed in his gaze.
Since he was particularly taken with it, he decided to perform a segment of Faust. And to interpret it in French!
It turned out that, unlike the hellish imps, the inhabitants of Inkwell greatly appreciated the Opera. Of course, they attended the show with considerably less enthusiasm and heart-pounding than when the King was on stage with his amusing jazz songs, but the much desired thunderous applause arrived, and for once it was well deserved.
"Le veau d'or est toujours debout!
On encense sa puissance – On encense sa puissance!
D'un bout du monde à l'autre bout!
Pour fêter l'infâme idole,
Rois et peuples confondus,
Au bruit sombre des écus,
Dansent une ronde folle,
Autour de son piédestal –Autour de son piédestal!
Et Satan conduit le bal – Conduit le bal!
Et Satan conduit le bal –Conduit le bal!
Et Satan conduit le bal –Conduit le bal –Conduit le bal!
Et Satan conduit le bal –Conduit le bal –Conduit le bal!"
The Devil sang in a deep, powerful baritone, making a great show of lights and reddish smoke: even though the audience had no idea they were in front of the original, the performance aroused a certain fear in those present.
King Dice was normally terribly bored by classical pieces, but on this occasion he conducted the orchestra as happy as a child, with sparkling eyes and a joyful heart.
Henchman, from the back of the room, participated in that moment with joy, basking in the good humor of his superiors and repeating to himself that he was truly lucky to enjoy the privilege of being so close to both of them!
Indeed, what he had told them earlier that evening was true: things went wonderfully when they both worked together and got along.
Like when he had seen them dance: whoever led, the other followed the steps naturally, adapting to the partner like two hands of the same individual intertwining their fingers perfectly.
In fact, there was more: when they were truly a team, fewer evil things happened, because they simply carried out their devilry much more efficiently, and therefore there was no need for a continuous and spastic flow of souls to Hell, which often turned out to be even more than necessary!
A few great demonic actions were enough, and the power of the Devil was assured and solid. Even the damned suffered less, because in the time that remained free, the Devil had no desire to exacerbate the punishments of those who had to serve eternity in the flames. And sometimes, in fact, he even forgot to torture them!
In short, Hell could certainly not become Heaven.. but Henchman had always believed, in his heart, that all the wickedness that the Devil vented in his functions was completely gratuitous and unjustified.
True, the Devil was evil by nature.. but he also had a thankless task, that no faint-hearted person could perform. The damned were unscrupulous criminals, and had to pay for the sins committed in life, this was right.. but that did not mean that the prison manager had to be more cruel than necessary to them!
In the days of Arcadia, Hell wasn't so bad. Henchman remembered very well, when Hades was an annoying place, but not necessarily a continuous torture!
Also for this reason he would have committed himself to completing his secondary task..
Besides the fact that he was terribly sorry when he noticed friction between the Devil and his Finest Demon..
As soon as the performance ended and the Devil disguised as a human playing himself bowed gracefully to the crowd, the manager relieved him with a reverential gesture and an affectionate compliment.
"It was an immense honor to be there, Big D! You are the definition of art incarnate!"
"Tsk! Liar.." he meowed with a flattered smile, passing by him while changing appearance. "For a little thing like that! Instead, try to sing me something tantalizing, darling.."
And after removing his golden cloak with a gesture, he threw it into the air making it vanish in a tongue of fire.
"..Your wish is my command, my muse!" he said with a deep bow, before walking to the center of the stage to a cascade of applause.
With the audience now mesmerized by the infinite charm of the Finest Demon, the Devil was able to discreetly take his place beside Henchman.
"It has been a memorable evening!" he sighed, conjuring a throne of gold and red velvet, similar to the one he had in Hell.
"It's not over yet, Boss! Take a seat! Would you like a snack from the buffet?"
"Nah!" he said, sitting down with his legs spread, pitchfork pointing upwards. "That would ruin my appetite! We're getting a lot of greedy souls today..."
"You have to admit, I was right!" the imp chirped happily.
"About what, Henchman?"
"When you and Mister King Dice work together, you're unbeatable..." he sketched.
"Hmm. Don't give him too much credit, Henchman!" he said, remarkably without malice. "I told you: success goes to that dice head he has..."
The song presented for that occasion obviously had much less gloomy tones than Goethe's Opera. As he often did, the Finest Demon allowed himself to mock the audience with their joyful consent, so enchanted were they by his voice.
It seemed impossible that he always had a surprise for the new performance, and yet it was so! Because with all his wickedness, it certainly could not be said that the King was not an inexhaustible source of creativity and fun, and things had only improved since he became a demon!
The surprise of that evening was to start the song with a piece spoken to the rhythm of the music. The word "rap" did not exist in the thirties, and therefore no one found the definition for that strange practice.. But on the other hand, the term "moon walk" did not exist either, and yet King Dice performed it fluid and smooth as a thread of oil!
"Say Jack, you can never wear more than one suit at a time!
An' wearin' one pair of shoes, that ain't no crime!
Who do you wanna be, Bob? Gugenheim?
A hotdog only costs that cada dime!
If you'd rather be a Duke or Grand Marquis,
Well, you see the latest movies the same as he!
They all listen to the radio an' all for free!
I'm askin' you, Bob, how big can you be?"
Then he started singing as usual:
"How big can you get, can you get, can you get?
How big can you get, aren't you big enough yet?
So why are you stretchin' up taller than tall
For the bigger you get, the harder you fall
Ooh, how rich can you get, can you get, can you get?
You're gonna regret yes, the richer you get!
Remember the more that you're achin' to make:
it's the dough you forget the government takes!
It's true, it's true, oh! What a fool are you!
You multiply, but you can't take it with you when you die!
How big can you get can you get, can you get?
The bigger you get, ooh, the more you upset!
The more you upset, makes the more that you fret!
How big can you get? How big can you get?"
TO BE CONTINUED...............
Notes:
I took the liberty of romanticizing the events of the game as if it were a fantasy: I really liked the idea of entering a book!
"Fifteen minute intermission" is a song by Cab, which he played in the Cotton Club when he wanted to announce a short break. Since this chapter is a short break in the DevilDice arc, I thought it was a fitting title. https://youtu.be/_rKqx_aasQk
"Le veau d'or" (The Golden Calf) is in the second act of Faust. In that scene, the Devil dresses up to celebrate with the characters of the story and sow discord between them. But to introduce himself, he sings this song about human greed. It was all too perfect not to put it here. Here is the song: https://youtu.be/znLOx2iL7Hk
And this is the English translation of the segment that the Devil sings:
The golden calf is ever present;
Its power is celebrated, Its power is celebrated,
From one side of the world and the other!
To celebrate the infamous idol,
People and kings are confused
At the sinister clinking of money,
They form a mad patrol,
Around its pedestal!... Around its pedestal!...
And Satan leads the dance! He leads the dance!
And Satan leads the dance! He leads the dance!
And Satan leads the dance! He leads the dance!
He leads the dance!"How big can you get?" is an original by Cab Calloway on the exact same theme. I have carried over the lines from the second half onwards.
Cab invented a lot more than you might think: the moonwalk, the rock in some of his songs, and yes, even fucking rap. If you listen to the 1:50 mark of the song (which is where I start it in the story) he is practically rapping. He was a bloody genius. https://youtu.be/epOnPu0X1P0Next chapter, back to romance and historical contexts! Henchman has a lot to ask the Devil!
See you in a week!
Chapter 5: Down-Hearted Blues
Summary:
It's Henchman time!
Now that they can talk in private and the Devil is in the most positive mood possible, Henchman can ask a few questions about his master's memories.
It's time to explore the matter from the Dark Lord's point of view, to understand what exactly went wrong between him and his Finest Demon.
Some wounds run deep, but there is no wound that cannot be healed.
Chapter Text
Henchman and the Devil snickered at the song's wicked irony, and applauded fervently at the cruelty of the manager, who had found the perfect way to cap off the evening.
"Ah, lucky the she-devil who marries him..!" Henchman eyed his Master with a sly smile: "...or the devil!.."
"Henchman, I told you: this pond is all fished out!!" he snapped, suddenly hostile. "You're trying to fish in the driest of deserts!!"
"But Boss, I certainly don't care!!" he quickly clarified.
"Of course not! They all say that, women.. and men too." he hissed, crossing his arms like a stubborn child.
"Pinky swear! Would I ever lie to you..?"
"Tsk! Actually, no.. But what's all this obsession with Dice, anyway?! OKAY, he's a knockout.. OKAY!! He's pretty good.. OKAY!! He's got a couple of good ideas! No need to say it again!! He knows it. I know it. Everyone knows it!" he ranted, as fast as he could, gesticulating hysterically. "It's no use at all! Only his mirror knows what he does with all that goodness! He's just as vain!"
"But you love vanity, Boss!" Henchman pointed out slyly.
"Yeah, okay!" he breathed in one breath, through gritted teeth.
"And he's not just good... he's also exceptionally charismatic!"
The Devil forced himself to tear his eyes away from the manager's magnetic figure, just to spite Henchman.
"It's the minimum requirement!" he lied.
"This is why I thought 'lucky is the one who-'
"He'll never get married, Henchman!" he cut him, sharp like a samurai's blade. “He hates marriage!”
Under his bouncer jacket, Henchman flapped his little wings curiously, appearing to giggle with his epaulettes. "Did Mr. Dice tell you...?"
"Well.." The Devil made himself small.
"Oho!! Did you two talk about that?" The little wings popped out of the collar, undaunted.
“N-Not really!” he grumbled. "You know, some time ago I sometimes wasted myself going to see that rouged poppy... Especially when I noticed that he didn't answer my letters! Do you remember the Hell Mail?"
"Oh, of course!"
"Well... I don't remember when exactly it was..." He lied shamelessly; "..But the year we replaced it with the Telegraph..."
"1846!"
"..which we did at his request," he pointed out acidly; "..I went up to his place to see what the hell he was doing that was so important that he would allow me to wait three days before answering!"
"...Oh, I remember.." Henchman put a gloved hand to his mouth: perhaps he was about to discover the root of the disagreements between his bosses!
"Yes, it was that time! I caught him in his bar room, it was the middle of the night..."
"He was still working, wasn't he?" Henchman concluded easily.
"Yeah," he meowed. "There was this cone light, and he was pacing back and forth with a pile of contracts on the piano and paperwork on a stool... H-he wasn't wearing a jacket, which was weird! Andhisshirtsleeveswererolleduptohiselbows-" he said very softly.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing! I think it was summer, anyway.. And there on the bar he had a drink Gin and Dubbonet, and this strange new technological thing, all already set up...."
Henchman chuckled to himself: for someone who doesn't remember well, those were quite a lot of specific details..!
"The fact is that he was reading a letter, but it wasn't mine! So, as you can imagine, I demanded explanations... He put on the proud face of when he thinks he's a lot! And then he told me that he had received that thing from the government, a gift from the Vice President!"
"Oh yeah. King Dice has a lot of fans among politicians too!"
"In that letter were the instructions for how to make it work. He looks at me and says, 'Isn't that great, Big D? We don't have to waste time writing letters anymore!" he said, sounding like King Dice, but sillier than usual.
"OH! Ooooooooh...." Henchman lowered his ears and stopped his little wings. "..You really cared about those letters.."
"HA!! PFUI!! TZE'!!! So to speak!!" he spat, huddling in his throne with his arms crossed and his expression increasingly gruff. "He was right, actually: they were a waste of time.."
"Don't say that, Boss!"
"He said that this way we worked faster.." he muttered, his pupils increasingly large and his furry ears increasingly low.
"But he also told me that he missed you very much!" Henchman gripped the arm of the throne, causing him to lift one ear. "You know.. King Dice has always been denied for reading long texts! But he loved seeing you in person and spending time with you.."
"And when would he tell you?" he asked, more skeptical than ever.
"Well... lately we've been talking more often! And every now and then he feels like letting off steam, like this..."
"Tsk! Those are just tantrums!" he complained, now almost lying on the throne, with his red nose immersed in his own fur.
"No, Boss, I think he's telling the truth but... in any case, what does this have to do with the marriage thing...?!"
“Oh yeah!” he jumped, suddenly standing up straight. Henchman narrowly dodged the horns. "To lighten a little the heavy atmosphere that had been created, I decided to make one of my delicious jokes!"
Where lightening up meant 'catch up in extremis', Henchman suspected.
"I told him I expected him to be checking the contracts of the souls he had stolen from unwary mortals for me... and then I pretended to notice the pile on the piano for the first time... I even complimented him. Do you realize, Henchman...? And they say I'm too evil..!"
"And he must have loved the compliments!" Henchman smiled, regretting not having his bowl of popcorn yet.
"Of course he loved them! He was there all stiff, with a stupid smile, those breathtaking eye-AHEM! Anyway, I thought I'd make it fun.."
"A-ha..?"
"I made a joke..."
“Yes.....?”
"..just for fun..."
“Of course!”
"I say to him: 'you know what else requires a couple of signatures..?'"
July 29, 1846
"Uuuuuh.. A sale..?" King Dice replied, his eyes wide at attention.
"No.. think about it carefully, darling.."
King Dice seemed to think about it a lot.
"........The mortgage..?"
"...................NO." The Devil put away his lovely-dovely eyes to wear a vaguely annoyed expression.
"The insurance..? The bank account..? The copyright..?" he paused, peering into the Devil's shocked face. "..inheritance...?"
"NO, silly..!" The Devil clasped his hands together involuntarily, with a sketchy smile. "..A wedding..!"
A few seconds passed, because the hamsters in King Dice's brain were cubic themselves, and it was not easy to make them run on an also square wheel.
In fact, they didn't take a single step.
“AAAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAhahahahahaHAHA!!!!” He exploded suddenly, bending.
He laughed for a full minute, the time it took for the Prince of Darkness to distort his smile into a forced grin, lower his shoulders, ears and tail and emulate a somewhat convulsive laugh.
"You are truly incredible, Big D!! EHEHE!!! YOU'RE RIGHT!! Ihihihi... Getting married is like making a deal with you!! AHAHAHAahahaha!!!"
"Eheheh.. yeah..." the poor guy had grumbled, putting his hands behind his back and hunching his shoulders.
"Oh, my Hell, I'll never get married! Eheheheh.."
August 16, 1937
"Heheheheh... Well, that was quite funny, Sir! Ehehehe-AHEM!"
Henchman decided to stop, because judging by the Devil's face, the subtext of the whole thing hadn't been so funny at all.
"But you didn't take that seriously!" he said to him. "He obviously... um... figured out you were joking, and that's why he gave you that answer!
"You want to do the real test? Imagine asking him, 'Hey, Dice, would you ever get married?' What do you think he'd say?"
"Point blank, he'd probably say no!" Henchman admitted calmly. "But, Boss, he's a showman! That's not his first thought!"
"Pfft! This is a pointless conversation.." he hissed, revealing a sharp canine.
"Doesn't mean he wouldn't think about it, if he had someone special in his heart.." Henchman sketched, looking innocent. "Maybe someone he thinks about all the time..!"
"Himself!"
"And................?"
"And his mirror, I guess!"
"........And................?"
The Devil tried to spin the horned kittens in his brain, which was quite complicated, because compared to the hamsters they didn't even try to use the wheel.
In fact they mistook it for a ball of yarn.
"What are you telling me?! That he's interested in someone?!!" he immediately got heated. "NONSENSE!!!"
"Boss, calm down!!" Henchman whispered, patting him affectionately on the arm. "This is no time to throw a tantrum in public!!"
"I won't believe it if I see it!" he stated, sounding more like someone who refused to believe it. "He's disgusted by sloppiness!! He hates being touched, for goodness' sake!"
"That's not true, Boss!"
"WHAT THE HECK?!"
"Sssssssssssssssshhhhh!!! Quiet, quiet...! Please, don't make sparks..!" he said, tapping again.
"Henchman, it's one of his ironclad rules: DO NOT TOUCH! He keeps saying it! It bothers him even when I do it.." he meowed the last sentence with barely concealed resentment, curling up again in the armchair with dilated pupils and low ears.
"He doesn't mind being touched in general: it bothers him being pulled, or touched without permission by people he doesn't like! It's different! I've observed him very well!"
Henchman clasped his hands very patiently, noticing that this time he had the Devil's attention. "He doesn't always reject your touches: do you remember that evening outside the club..? The time he came back with us on a permanent basis.."
The Devil cocked an ear. “Yes…”
"When you touched his shoulder, he didn't push you away!" he pointed out. "Not even after you put both hands on him! It was when you grabbed his shirt and shaked him that he did it.."
The Devil also raised his other ear. "Yes, that's true..!"
"And just now, while you were dancing, it doesn't seem to me that he had any problems.." he added with a little smile.
The Devil lowered both his ears, his face turning red. "Um... y-yes, actually..."
"Do the physical test: try touching him gently and saying something nice to him! You'll see that he won't mind so much!" he suggested. "You can do it now!!"
"What?! What do you mean, now?! He's on stage now, can't you see..?" he said, pointing to the stage, where Hopus Pocus was performing a much more macabre act than the audience had expected.
"Dear ladies and gentlemen!! As my next prodigy, I will cut this cute volunteer in half!" the March Hare was saying, pointing with a sneer at the bound and gagged and above all panic-stricken debtor.
"Where has he gone?!" the Devil said, a second before a melodic voice gave him a metaphorical backhand.
“Big D…?”
"GASP!! Dice!!"
"You know, I could see you were a little down from over there!" said King Dice. "I was wondering if everything was okay. Maybe you didn't like the song..?"
"N-no!! I mean yes!! Here I.." he babbled, peeking at Henchman for help.
The faithful imp nodded encouragingly.
"I.. was just talking to Henchman. About stuff! Bad stuff!"
“Paperwork!” Henchman proposed.
"That's right!! Paperwork. I hate paperwork!"
"Henchman!! Do you think it's time to annoy the Boss with this talk?!" the manager scolded him. "Tonight he must celebrate and cheer!! Go be a bouncer"
"NO!! He has to stay here!!" ordered the Devil. "To.. talk about paperwork!!"
“But you hate paperwork!”
"Yes but we have to talk about it anyway!! Would you... bring me a grenadine? It's hot as hell today!"
The Number One of Hell, world-famous singer-songwriter and manager of the Devil's Casino looked at the Prince of Darkness and his lackey, death inside.
"I have to go get your grenadine..? And Henchman has to stand here and talk about paperwork..?"
"If you don't mind..! You know, while you make your rounds checking the rooms.."
King Dice sighed bitterly, but swallowed it with commendable dignity, forcing a smile anyway.
"Sure, Big D! It'll be there before now! The best grenadine in the house, on my word!" he chirped as he set off. Because if a thankless job had to be done, it might as well be done with style.
"W-wait..!"
Dice's foot had stopped at the first "W". He looked at him questioningly, waiting.
"Eeeeeeeehhhhhmmmm....." the Devil rose from his throne.
And, slowly approaching, he gently placed his fingertips on the back of his gloved hand: "That song was very entertaining..!" he said a little awkwardly.
The weather on King Dice's face instantly changed from cloudy to blindingly clear, his teeth and eyes competed to shine brighter.
“And ..” he tried, glancing again at Henchman. The imp gestured for him to continue.
It was one of the many reasons why he usually didn't give him too many direct compliments: the Finest Demon became immensely more beautiful when he was happy. And King Dice's level of charm always went hand in hand with the destruction of any cognitive thought in the Devil's little horned head.
So it was hard to discard all the first names that came to mind, - and there were thousands of them! - all much more spontaneous and compromising than what he finally said.
"Y-you were very helpful! Um.. 'did a great job! Here!" With a gentle touch, the Devil slipped the two red dice into the palm of his hand, then guided him into a tight fist.
"Oh, Boss, you..! The joy to hear these words! My life to serve you, Big D!" he said emotionally, amidst the debtor's heartbreaking screams in the background and the applause of the audience. “I find meaning only in your happiness!”
Henchman clasped his hands happily as he look after the scene. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard after all...
"You're still good at betting, huh..?"
“You too apparently, Big D!” Dice replied, his cheeks flaming with pleasure. "We should do it more often! Like we used to, remember..? Now we also have a casino..!"
"Yes, we also have a casino.." he gloated, stunned by the fantasies that that plural suggested.
But when, without thinking, the Devil removed his hand from the gloved one, reality seemed to hit them both.
"So, I'll go get the grenadine! I'll do it in a second, Big D!!" he promised perkily, making the dice disappear under his jacket.
And as soon as he was gone, Henchman resumed the conversation: "See? What did I tell you...?"
"It looks like you were right about that, Henchman! But that doesn't change the facts!" he said, folding his arms with a dreamy smile.
"Why do you think he doesn't like mushy stuff? I believe he's got a very romantic streak at heart!" said the imp. "All artists have that!"
"Not him! Remember that telegraph time I was telling you about earlier?"
"Yes..?"
"Well, a few days later I played another.. prank on him!" he said, darkening again.
"That year you were really in the mood for pranks, huh, Boss?"
"Yeah. I've had enough for a while..."
'Uh-oh!' thought Henchman. That's when everything went downhill...
"Dice always got a lot of letters! Business letters, but mostly, fan letters! They bombarded him with nonsense! So he wouldn't have to sort them himself, he had his card-servants do it! The Two of Spades in particular was the one who broke the hearts of his suitors with appropriate replies. So the inconvenient mail never got to him!" he explained.
"So I thought... I'd write him one, and stick it in his sorted mailbox. AS A JOKE, of course! I was nearby when he read it..."
August 3, 1846
..and he read it with genuine disgust and a faint blush on his square face, pacing the room angrily:
"'As Napoleon said, my happiness is to be near you'..?!? BE NEAR ME? HA, KEEP COOL, YOU IDIOT! 'You are my blueberry donut' OH, PLEASE, NOT EVEN IN YOUR DREAMS!! 'Your eyes are like boiling pitch...' Of course, I suppose the genius doesn't know that pitch smells incredibly UNPLEASANT! We have the poetess from the Inkwell Islands writing to our editorial staff, gentlemen! What a silly chick.."
"..Maybe she wasn't referring to the smell.." a very depressed Devil was sadly playing with the embers of the bar's fireplace. The Two of Spades peered at the two demons from above the mountain of letters with great apprehension.
"'YOUR VOICE GIVES ME CHILLS?!' Ugh!! This letter gives me chills, my dear! - what a fanatic..- Signed D.??!!! THIS IS TOO MUCH, THEY DARE to even use YOUR initial!!! Doesn't that make you furious!? THIS LETTER IS AN AFFRONT!!!"
The Devil simply shrugged his shoulders, his morale increasingly low.
"Oh.. it makes you sad..!" he observed regretfully, then getting even angrier. "If I find out who it is that made you so sad and me so uncomfortable..!!"
With a decisive gesture, he had torn the letter and crumpled the fragments.
"Hey, Two! Do you see how well the paper burns..?" he had warned sinisterly, throwing the ball into the flames. "Next time, try not to send me any more annoying letters: they unsettle me! Who do they think they are..?"
August 16, 1937
"Oh, boy..!" Henchman watched his Dark Master return dejected to his royal seat, his heart filled with sympathetic pity. 'Poor Boss!' he thought. It was clear that both of them were the victims of a huge misunderstanding..
"But you know, though!" he said, in an encouraging tone. "It's only natural that Mr King Dice reacted like this! He thought that letter came from a villager, a stranger! You know how deep down King Dice despises common people!"
"Yes, but..!"
"Put yourself in his shoes! Imagine receiving a letter like that from anyone! What would you do..?"
The Devil didn't need to think too much.
"..I would mock it step by step, then place a curse of some kind on the sender! Just for fun!" he admitted.
"Do you see it? You can't know how Mr. King Dice would behave if he were interested in someone! Until now the opportunity has never arisen.."
"MMmmmmmbeh!" said the Devil, with a vocal inclination somewhere between a meow and a bleat, watching the current, horrifying performance of Hopus Pocus curiously. "In fact, I've never seen him run after any dame!"
"Or any knight..!" Henchman specified.
"Any dame." he repeated.
For a few seconds the air filled with applause and sizzling sounds of magic.
Once again, Henchman broke the silence.
"Why do you assume he'd be interested in a girl?" he asked quietly, knowing that such talk was more appropriate for Hell, given the current mortal time.
"Because I know!" he stated, very firmly and with a particularly dark look.
Now, statements like that were usually enough to convince those who conversed with the Lord of Darkness. For in the public opinion, the Devil knew perfectly well the desires and sins of ordinary mortals.
When you fear such a powerful figure, you always attribute much more danger to him; as in an unconscious attempt to make him so great as to be unassailable, and thus justify your own cowardice in avoiding confrontation.
But Henchman had been the Devil's jockey for a thousand years now, and he know very well that all the legends regarding his supposed omniscience were colossal bullshit!
The truth was that the Devil had to consult a book compiled by a multitude of imps to understand who or what had committed such and such a misdeed; and most of the time he didn't even want to do it, because work was a chore that the Devil avoided like a cat avoids a pickle.
Furthermore, he certainly couldn't read minds, nor did he have supernatural abilities powerful enough to perceive other people's feelings!
Not only that: he actually knew very little about human matters. Because of his diabolical nature, he certainly couldn't show himself in public lightly, and his general disinterest in those beings - that he essentially considered food - pushed him to keep a certain distance.
In short, socially speaking, the Devil was a poor bastard like everyone else.
"How do you know? Is it because he assumed the letter was from a woman? But that doesn't mean..." Henchman insisted.
"UFF!! Henchman, I know!! He told me!"
"You talked about this?!?" he asked, shocked.
"NO! You're kidding!! I-I get it, that's it.. By the way, how long's that snail taking?! He said one second!!"
Henchman glared at his Boss until he was uncomfortable enough to spill the beans.
"GRRRR!! Fine!! It was always that year, the day of Perseidea..!"
"Oho!! Tell, tell!!"
"..I thought it was...nice to put a bit of culture in that beautiful empty pumpkin! And in London they had put on Shakespeare, so we went to see it. We were in the front row. The idiot kept falling asleep, he said that if I wasn't on stage, it wasn't the same. And in the moments when he was awake, he said stupid things!
One of these..."
August 15, 1846
"OUCH!!" King Dice squeaked, rubbing his ribs. "Big D.. that's going to give me a bruise big as Trafalgar Square!" he joked under his breath.
"It's the third time you've fallen asleep! Can't you maintain attention for more than fifteen minutes?!" whispered the Devil, in his very mustachioed human clothes and sky blue tailcoat, hands clasped in his lap and elbow pointed at King Dice's side.
“YAAAAAaaaaawwwwnnn!” he stretched, looking sleepily at the stage. "Where are we at..?"
"You'll find out by paying attention! I won't suggest anything anymore!"
"Don't be offended, Big D! It's not your fault! It's just that all this solemn and dramatic tones are putting me to sleep!"
"SSSSSHHHHHTTTTT!!!" hissed several angry spectators behind them.
A bit snug in their seats, the diabolical duo followed the scene in progress.
"Ah, so they'll make a nice ham out of Antonio!" whispered King Dice.
"Ugh!! Yes, if he loses he'll owe a piece of his meat to the moneylender!"
On stage, Antonio began a tragic speech, taking his dear friend Bassanio's hands.
"Doesn't that sound like a brand of italian ham, by the way..? San Antonio Ham! For those hungry for justice!"
"PPFFFFFFTTTT!!!" The Devil turned purple as he tried to hold his breath. "D-don't make me laugh, silly!!"
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS HHHHHHTTT!" hissed the angry spectators again.
"Commend me to your honorable wife,
Tell her the process of Antonio’s end,
Say how I loved you,
speak me fair in death!" Antonio was saying.
"Antonio, I am married to a wife
Which is as dear to me as life itself,
But life itself, my wife, and all the world
Are not with me esteemed above thy life.
I would lose all, ay, sacrifice them all
Here to this devil, to deliver you!" Bassanio replied, with equal enthusiasm.
"All this fuss because Bassanio had to marry a chick?! You were right about the marriage, Big D!" King Dice chuckled.
"More than anything, Antonio ruined himself for him.."
"But was it worth it?" he whispered, astonished. "He doesn't even care that much about his wife! He just said that his wife, his life and his work combined aren't worth as much as his friend!"
"Yeah.." the Devil smiled tenderly, peeking at his companion.
"But why? I don't understand!" he whispered. "Why is that guy giving away pieces of his body for him?! And why is that genius willing to do the same, including his wife? They're not related, and it would be weird anyway!"
"..Maybe they're in love.." the Devil replied in a thin voice.
"Of who?"
"Each other.."
The last thing the Devil expected was for King Dice to stifle a low laugh behind his gloved hand.
"What's so funny..?"
"Hihihi.. you're killing me..hihihi..!"
The Devil was the definition of perplexity.
"Have you drunk your brains out?".
"Hihihi.. in love with each other..! Huhuhu.."
The Devil would regret his next question eternally.
"Um.. Why, couldn't it be?" he asked, looking innocent.
"Oh, were you serious?" he stared at him in disbelief. "Look, they are two men! Heheh.. don't tell me you thought one of them was a woman..! Hahhah... How many times have you been seen this show..? Haven't you figured out that the one dressed as a man is Portia..?"
August 16, 1937
The sound of a guillotine followed by applause filled the silence between the Devil and Henchman, a sign that Hopus Pocus had pulled off another sinister magic show.
The purple imp cleared his throat, carefully searching for the right words for the delicate circumstance.
"So... Um..."
"There's not much to say, Henchman!" he snorted bitterly, resting a round cheek on his clawed hand.
"I'm not really sure about that-!" he finally admitted.
"But what are you not sure about, excuse me..? What do you need, the special tag?!"
"But Boss! That doesn't mean at all that.. I mean.. He never said that he-!"
"Yeah, well.. forgive me if I can still read between the lines, after a hundred and ten years of his blatant platitudes!"
"What I mean, Boss-!"
"I already told you to stop! Find yourself another singing supermodel and get it over with! Like I'm supposed to..." he whispered softly.
"But I don't think he knows!"
"And it's better if he doesn't know- Wait, what are you talking about?" he said, immediately defensive.
"Boss, I really don't think he knows such a thing!" Henchman said.
The Devil frowned. "What do you mean..?"
Henchman tried to explain as best he could.
"I don't think he knows something like this could happen!"
"WHAT?!" he exclaimed, shocked. "What are you talking about?! He can't be that naive! Aside from the multitude of women, he's made dozens of men fall in love with him, all of whom ended up in my clutches because of this!"
"I don't think he knows he seduced them in that way!" Henchman said sincerely. "Do you see him bothering with this? He just charms people and tricks them into giving you new souls every time! He doesn't care about getting too close to his victims! If Stickler didn't write down all the details in the Master Book, we wouldn't know either!"
"And how does Stickler know that??"
"He would look at a haystack until he found a needle in it, even if it was in the center of the straw! You should hear the things he told me at Easter.."
"You're telling me..! No, come on, that's absurd! And he never read the Master Book!!? But he's the Finest Demon!!.
"You've never done it either, Boss, and you're the Devil!" Henchman pointed out, crossing his arms. "Both of you don't like reading big books! By the way... if you've never read it, how do you know he's seduced men..?"
"U-hum.. intuition!" he lied again, thinking of all the Valentines who've passed on the surface under a false appearance, to follow his shows in secret. "Well, anyway... are you absolutely sure..?"
"I'm not 100% sure, but I have a strong suspicio-!"
"SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT??"
"I don't know, Boss.. he's just not the type to ask himself that kind of question, and I imagine the subjects in love weren't eager to reveal themselves, considering the sensitivity of the matter!" he mused. "You said it yourself: Mr. King Dice is from the Victorian era! I don't think it was common practice in his time to speak freely about such things!"
"But..! You mean maybe.. T-then...!"
The Devil stood there, face in hand and eyes wide open, racking his brains about the implications of that revelation.
"B-but I mean, he would know if it concerned him...right?" he said, uncertain.
"I don't know..! A lot of people don't know many things about themselves if they don't explore them or ignore their nature!" he replied, shrugging. "To tell the truth, I don't even believe he reasons in these terms; I think for him it's not a question of males and females, rather people who matter and people who don't matter! Mr. King Dice doesn't care about people in general: he considers them all either customers, or food for you, or both!"
TO BE CONTINUED...................
Notes:
Plot twist: The Devil is an idiot too!
Aaaah, so much to say about this chapter!
King Dice's drink, "Gin and Dubonnet", has a history! Dubonnet is a fortified French wine first produced in 1846. It was made under pressure from the French government, who had urged several vintners to produce something that would make the legionnaires in North Africa want to drink quinine (quinine fought malaria). Since in my story King Dice is on good terms with the French (and it's one of the languages he speaks fluently) and is always "fashonably fashonable", wanting to be among the first to try new things as they come out, I thought it was only natural that he would get one of the first bottles. "Gin and Dubonnet" was of course also Elizabeth II's favourite cocktail, but in my story that's just a playful reference! To give our King a regal air! I thought it made sense, because I see him as very much a gin guy - he'll definitely have a Martini in his hand at some point! - because it was a very popular alcohol in the colonies... And this will be useful in future fics!
Anyway, King Dice's Gin and Dubonnet is 60/40, mixed with ice but then filtered. ^^,
The telegraph is actually very old, from 1763 (even Napoleon used it), so it is plausible that the government only granted one of the first public models to a singer in 1846. Before that it was only used for military purposes! Official public use only began in 1848, but everyone knows that the privileged rich always have something like this a couple of years in advance, thanks to their connections!
As for the Devil's letter, I thought that our Dark Lord has a very childish and romantic soul underneath (he was an angel, after all) and he's a very simple guy, even though he is attracted to sophisticated things! Unlike King Dice, who is sophisticated by nature but is attracted to genuine and simple things, like music, dancing and playing.
Of course, in the theater scene they are performing "The Merchant of Venice", already mentioned several times in my cupverse.
Because the love between Antonio and Bassanio is clearly homosexual, even if, just like the author with his beloved young man, it is all purely romantic and nothing physical. The 1500s were a shitty century. I thought it was the perfect metaphor to describe the frustration of the devildice relationship, forced to stay apart by misunderstandings, fears and social stigmas. (Which I am working to solve, hihihi!!)I think that coming from ancient Greece, especially Arcadia (the region of gods, nymphs and satyrs), Henchman is much more open-minded and prepared for certain situations. There were no modern definitions back then either, and in the cities it was not at all as common as you might think to see a homo couple.. But the mentality was more varied anyway, and the magical creatures of that area have always had stories with both sexes!
Finally, the title refers to a sad song by Cab Calloway that talks about unrequited love, and ends with a certain resentment. It seems to me exactly what the Devil feels: seduced and abandoned. https://youtu.be/U6LoElTaZ8k
That's all for today! See you in a week for the finale!
Chapter 6: If This isn't Love
Summary:
How a grenadine can become flirting stuff.
Notes:
Short but intense closing chapter! There were 5 chapters initially, but they were too long for my taste. I felt I had to separate them, so you could catch your breath between them.
I can't say how long the Halloween fic will be (I haven't finished it yet, not even in Italian) but I estimate between 5 and 7 chapters. Since we're entering the gaming era, the dynamics will get complicated. And I'll have to decide whether to make a fanfiction correspond to an island, or go my own way.
But that doesn't worry me: I write these cuties with ease and fun. That's all it takes, in the end!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The speech had logic, the Dark One thought. Yet, he still found it hard to believe: King Dice was too vain to allow all that credit!
"So why does he spend so much time making himself beautiful in the mirror and flirting with his reflection, please!" he noted. "He doesn't seem foreign to the subject at all!"
"Humm.. Well, he does it because he knows he's very handsome!"
"Thank you so much.."
"And then, he likes what he sees!"
"And thanksy-thanks! Lame..!"
"And I don't think what he sees is a woman!"
"And THA..!!GASP!!"
"Maybe he doesn't think about it because it's his reflection.."
"That seems very pretentious as an explanation! And it also pisses me off a little!"
"Oh, don't do that, Boss! Don't get pissed off!! I just wanted to clarify your ideas..!"
"You want to clarify my ideas..? Very good, Henchman. Then, I'll give you a special task!"
"Oh boy! Are you serious?" exulted the imp.
"Bring me the proof that your theory is true, that he doesn't understand a thing about this talk, and I'll give you six days of vacation wherever you like!"
"Consider it done, Sir! But.. how exactly should I do it..?"
"I don't know?! This is already too tangled up for me!" complained the Devil, while in his head an elite of horned kittens were leading a revolt to reestablish the importance of the wheel as such.
"Okay, I'll think of something... Oh, by the way!" said Henchman with a finger on his chin. "Can I ask you one thing more, Boss..?"
"Ugh! What now..?"
"Have you stopped visiting King Dice above ground since then? Since that Perseidea in 1846?"
"............................No....." he muttered again, crouching on his throne with his ears down.
"Um.. can I ask what happened..?" Henchman insisted politely. "You know, I always thought he must have done you a great disservice, to react like that..!"
"Mpf! Apart from everything else..?" he gritted his teeth.
"Uh..?"
"Nothing. If you really want to know, I simply never came up to bother him again!"
"What?! That's all? Nothing special happened..?"
"Yeah. During one of his agonizing meetings, Stickler pointed out to me that King Dice had not descended into Hell since that one time at Christmas. It had been 29 years.. and so.. " he suddenly fell silent.
Henchman shifted from one foot to the other.
"..You stopped going up, to see if he came down. But he never came back down.." he concluded.
Well... that hadn't been very nice. It was hard to justify something like that.
But, thinking about it, there was a reason.
"Um.. as you well know, it's not that King Dice goes crazy for the infernal environment, so it could be that.."
"Obviously he prefers to put up with my absence, rather than come down here sometimes.." he snorted. "Anyway, what does this topic have to do with the conversation we were having?"
"Oh, nothing, sir! I was just curious! As I was saying, however, I wouldn't rule out that one day he could find a special person. You know, someone to do crazy things for, who he always thinks about, whose happiness he cares about..!" he smiled circumstantially, rolling his eyes with a thoughtful expression.
"Tsk! Wait and hope, then! That braggart only thinks of himself... Ah, here he is!" he said reproachfully, seeing the Finest Demon advance, out of breath and with the grenadine in his hand. "Dice, it wasn't difficult: I asked for a grenadine! You said it would take you a minute!"
"I.. apologize..! ANF!!! There was no grenadine, so I.. looked for the pomegranate in the pantry.. ANF!! It wasn't there!! So I ran to the.. greengrocer! He was here playing.. but his wife was at home.. ANF!! .. asleep! I knocked until I woke her up, she came out with a broom. I don't know what she was trying to do: she was red with anger when she opened, but then she saw me and became all sweet and kind. I guess she recognized me.. she gave me the pomegranates!!"
The Devil and his valet exchanged a confused look.
"And I had a hard time getting her out of my hair, because that pain in the ass wanted me to stay there and look at her ....doily collection! Then she... ANF!! tried to offer me coffee, cakes... Finally she asked me if I wanted two much better pomegranates, which were in the bedroom."
"TELL ME YOU REFUSED." The Devil's tone had become chilling.
"Geez, of course!! I had already wasted an eternity of time!! Then... Oh, my! ..I went back to the casino, but they were out of ice!.. ANF!! You know, it's really late! So I went to.. Hell, to the ice circle!! Only that bastard of.. ice doesn't come off easily!! So I went back up.. ANF!! ..to the heretics circle to get a fire imp, and then back down..! Well, basically..!"
King Dice held out the glass with shaking hands and a curtsy as best he could. "..here's your grenadine, Big D!"
"But the greengrocer lives two islands away!" Henchman said in shock.
"I took the Cadillac, of course! I don't know if I killed anyone in the process, though! I was doing some speed!"
"It's still two islands away!" he noted.
"Better than going to get pomegranates in Iran, Henchman!"
"As soon as I have the soul of that cow's husband, I will use his body to convince her to play here too!" The Devil gnashed, sipping his grenadine. "Well, then how come you're out of breath? Sorry, can't you just jump in and out of Hell?"
"Yeah... but to move inside Hell I still have to walk, Big D!" he said a little nervously. "I remind you that the distance between the circles is based on your real shape..!"
"Bah! It was a useless trip! If the grenadine was missing, strawberries would have been fine!" he said absent-mindedly, as a neurotic tic began to form under King Dice's left eye. "You could have just come back and told me that the grenadine was finished..!"
Henchman decided that this was the moment when the elite of horned kittens in the Devil's head had allowed themselves to be corrupted by the masses for a glass of milk, and that he would have to intervene immediately if he did not want the relationship between the two to degenerate!
“That was amazing, Mr. King Dice!” he said, in full admiration. "A grenadine made with the blood of innocent victims and Hellish ice! And all this in.."
He looked at his wristwatch.
"Sixty-six minutes and six seconds!! You are truly an example to us all!"
The Devil jumped, looking at the grenadine as if he had seen it for the first time.
"Thank you so much, Henchman!" he said without modesty, straightening his jacket. "I'll double the supplies from now on!"
"Did you see Boss..?" Henchman insisted, nudging him gently. "Now this is a job done with love..!"
"Well, it looks like it.. er..!" he said, clearing his throat. "It is indeed delicious, Dice! Thank you.."
"Only the best for you, Big D! Only the best..!" he beamed. "I would have gone looking for pomegranates in Iran and ice at the North Pole, if I had to!"
"Nah, then who would have entertained me while you were gone?" he smiled.
In the awe-inspiring silence that followed the consumption of the refreshing drink, the evil trio momentarily lost themselves in contented contemplation of the magic show's progress, each with their own thoughts and goals inside their nuts.
"Wait a second... You made the grenadine yourself?"
"What..?" King Dice looked at the Devil, taken aback.
"You said you went and got the pomegranates and ice. Then you squeezed the seeds, boiled the syrup, and made it all?"
King Dice blushed furiously, becoming not too different from the dice he himself used to play with.
"Eeeeeehmmm.... well, the thing is, the Tipsy Troop at the bar aren't very good at squeezing fruit quickly, since they don't have arms. They made it all in the press first. And they sure as hell don't know how to use the s-stoves unless all three of them work together and do acrobatics, for the same reason. So..."
A twisted, mischievous smile crossed the Devil's face.
Maybe it was the manager's obvious change in color (much harder to spot under the Devil's black fur), maybe it was the homely work he'd been doing, or maybe he was just getting excited by Henchman's talk. But for the first time since they'd known each other, sentimentally speaking, the Devil felt more like a predator than a prey.
And he liked it.
"You cooked for me?"
"I-AHEM! Well, it's not like... yeah, not really cooked! I mean, yeah, but I don't usually do that!"
His smile widened, casually resting his cheek on his fist.
"But you did just that? With the saucepan, the wooden spoon, and the apron..?"
King Dice's blush deepened.
"Well, you make it sound really embarrassing! I mean, obviously the apron was necessary! I couldn't ruin your tuxedo with splashes of juice or syrup!"
I'd happily ruin it for you, the Devil thought, careful not to speak out loud.
"What a lucky devil I am!" he meowed soothingly, enjoying his reactions. "What else can you cook?"
He couldn't say if he liked it more than the other role, but for the moment he savored the unexpected sensation with great pleasure.
To think that that pretty little cubic face with all that wonder underneath could be so pure for certain subjects turned him on beyond words.
He really hoped to give Henchman his six days off.
"W-well, not much actually! Normally others cook for me, I don't have much time for these things!"
"You have it for me, though.."
"Always. Always for you.."
He had said those words without blushing and with a confidence and passion in his eyes capable of incinerating an iceberg.
Maybe it was just the Devil's imagination, but the look they exchanged in that moment was so intense that for a second he truly believed it was mutual and conscious.
He hoped it was. With every fiber of his black being.
He realized his heart was racing at the speed of light only when King Dice cleared his throat.
"I can make simple dishes. Pancakes, bacon and eggs, baked beans, grilled meats, fried chicken, gumbo.. stuff like that! No big deal.."
"Well, I love everything you listed! What do you say, can I book the chef sometime..?"
"M..me, cooking for you..?"
"You just did!"
"You could do it together!" Henchman suggested, who had been silent but with his ear cocked like a marten stalking.
"What..?" the Devil gasped. "Henchman, what the-?"
"You know, the Boss is really good at cooking too! He really likes it! This could be fun!"
The two demons exchanged a look and a smile. And again he felt that connection, like a chain, like that first time on the steps of the city hall. The Devil had never felt happier in his life.
"Well, if it pleases the Boss..!"
"And if the manager has time..!"
That day, the sun rose under the worst auspices, in the Inkwell Isles.. Yet, all things considered, neither the demonic trio nor the unfortunate brothers went to bed with swollen hearts, this time.
Perhaps, Henchman thought, even Hell could be pleasant, if one learned to pay attention to the important things...
THE END......................................
..................................until HALLOWEEN!!
Notes:
Honestly, I can't even say which of the Devildice roles I like the most. I usually tend to see King Dice as the "active" part, because he's the one who gives the most, always tries to take control of the situation, and is the coldest and most analytical mind of the two. (Always remember that my King Dice is a mix between Game!Dice and Show!Dice, although more similar to Show!Dice).
Even his design suggests it: his head is a cube, so everything is regular and angular, mathematical. And his body has a triangular shape, which makes him very masculine ideally speaking. His colors are purple (the color of kings, which symbolizes rarity, royalty, luxury, ambition, magic, mystery) and white (which is pure male energy in Taoism) So everything makes me think that he has a masculine connotation..
Unlike the Devil, who is all rounded shapes, emotional and impulsive, whose colors are black (symbol of power, darkness and femininity in yang) and red (passion, anger and love).HOWEVER
We all know that masculine/feminine does not necessarily equate to active/passive. Right..? ^^,
The title is from this song by Calloway (I FUCKING LOVE HIS VOICE) https://youtu.be/XYZBZegFaV0
See you on Halloween!
The_Quiet_Kid_In_The_Corner on Chapter 1 Thu 29 Aug 2024 08:21PM UTC
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Rac00nQueen on Chapter 1 Thu 29 Aug 2024 09:40PM UTC
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Jadesong-Firedrake (Guest) on Chapter 1 Thu 28 Nov 2024 06:24PM UTC
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Rac00nQueen on Chapter 1 Thu 28 Nov 2024 10:22PM UTC
Last Edited Thu 28 Nov 2024 10:22PM UTC
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The_Quiet_Kid_In_The_Corner on Chapter 2 Fri 30 Aug 2024 07:08AM UTC
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Rac00nQueen on Chapter 2 Sat 31 Aug 2024 09:37AM UTC
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Rac00nQueen on Chapter 4 Wed 04 Sep 2024 04:29PM UTC
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ChisaPeanut on Chapter 5 Fri 13 Sep 2024 08:33PM UTC
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Rac00nQueen on Chapter 5 Sun 15 Sep 2024 07:14AM UTC
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CalaMariaMoon (Guest) on Chapter 6 Mon 20 Jan 2025 09:43PM UTC
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Rac00nQueen on Chapter 6 Thu 23 Jan 2025 08:02AM UTC
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