Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter one:

"Andy..."

 I groaned, wrapping an arm around my ribs. I tried to focus on my whereabouts through black spots, blinking furiously. `Why am I here? `, I thought before remembering loud music, drinks, dancing, men and women...Bar west... `The flaws of being lonely`, I sighed; I wanted a conversation, after being homeless for 8 months, with no one willing to stop and have a chat can actually have an effect on someone. I sighed again before looking down my body, the pain was numbing but my ribs are at least bruised, my ankle felt like it's been ripped from my body and my face feels like it's on fire. Homophobia is a nasty piece of work. I'm in an alleyway near bar west, I scrunched my face up at the rotted food near me and the over full bin that is going to make a mess on the floor anytime soon. I tried to move but my body refuses, I'm stuck...

Focusing on my breathing, I looked up to the night sky; the stars always manage to take me away from reality. It's like no matter what, they are going to twinkle and shine. I wish... `Never mind.` I reached for my phone, not really my phone to tell the truth; I found it on a park bench and was able to put some money on it. The money I got from a kind middle aged woman who reminded me of Diane. Thinking of my step mum, it would be a dream to have her in my life again, to talk to her and taste her wonderful cooking, and to see Vic. Andy. Family life was always a pickle, having a father who made sure everyone knew that Robert was the bad son, who decided to pack up his things and leave his family behind. I didn't want to but...getting away from him, was like getting a shower of rain after a long hot summer. I missed Victoria, though she probably doesn't remember me much. I also missed Andy but we did leave on a bad note after I slept with his girlfriend, Katie. One of my biggest regrets. I lost a brother and a friend...It takes two to tango but I was the one at fault.

 My legs are asleep. My throat was also beginning to hurt, one of the thugs punched in the throat. `Who to phone? I have no one...` A tear falling down as I pressed in a number I never thought I would ring again.

 "Hello?" A deep voice answered. My hands shaking, fear strikes it’s worse before I straighten my aching shoulders and, "Andy?"

 A gasp, "Robert? Robert, is that you?" Pain shot up my back, I whimpered. "Robert, are you okay?", he was worried about me, I smiled around my split lip; "I'm fine, just need...need some help...I'm so sorry Andy" I sobbed, the agony settling in and I cannot hide it. "Alright, alright, just tell me where you are and I'll get you to a-" I jumped into action, "NO HOSPITAL!", I groaned, "Please, please no more hospitals..." I whispered, pleading with him. A moment of silence before, "Okay, where are you?".

 "Hotton, in an alley way by...Bar West", I struggled to spit out, my eyes slowly closing and barely hearing someone yelling my name before black.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

I remember the smell. The smell of sickness and medication . Hospitals are useful but is a place no one wants to end up in, especially if it’s for a long time. I left Emmerdale at 19, lived on friends’ sofas in London and found the odd job here and there before finding my way into an estate management. I started out at the low of the ladder and slowly built myself up until I became the manager at 24, I was proud of myself and found a place near Hyde park. I was changing my life around and finally felt worthy. Then at a work party, I met the boss, Lawrence White, who obviously loved his daughter and grandson. Chrissie White was a picture of wealth, beauty and kindness I never thought rich people could have but I was clearly wrong, she offered me a drink and life began to have meaning again. Her son, Lachlan, was a bit weird but Chrissie was worth all of it; Lawrence did not trust me at first and he has the right to. Slowly he got to know me and treated me with fondness. I felt I had a family again. I promised myself I wouldn’t do anything to hurt them but life doesn’t like me, of course.

“You have cancer, Mr Sugden…”

26 years old. Job. Girlfriend. Home. Suddenly everything disappeared except for one thing, Leukemia. I thought I had the flu but instead it was a deadly disease…Life really hits you with its wild ways sometimes.

I never told Chrissie. I broke up with her, thinking she doesn’t need to deal with this. Lawrence thought it was right to fire me the next day. I hurt her and deserved it but everything seemed to go over my head. I began treatment the following week and fucking hell, it almost killed me…

Now, I’m 29 and have gone into remission. I am jobless, homeless and had no family but still feel more alive than I have in the last few years.

“Robert? You waking up, mate?” A hand gently shaking me. I opened my eyes and instantly closed them, after nearly been blinded by an overwhelming light, “Sorry,” the person’s footsteps were fading from me, the sound of curtains being drawn and then the light was gone, “you can open your eyes now”, I blinked multiple times for a minute before opening them. I was sitting on a couch, in front of me was a coffee table, covered with magazines and a flat screen TV. I moaned as I went to get up, holding on to my ribs, someone has bandaged them as well as my ankle. My face smells of disinfection and for the first time in 7 months, clean. I was in a large baggy grey jumper and loose pajama bottoms, with blue fluffy socks. I made a noise of happiness/pain, the warmth was a lovely surprise and comfortable. I straighten up with a thought, `Where am I? `, I looked around for some clues just as a voice spoke to me, “Rob?”, I quickly looked behind with a yelp of pain and annoyance, “be careful, you idiot! I just finished wrapping you”, Andy walks from behind me to sit on the coffee table and looks at me, “What happened, Rob? Why…Why did you phone me? I thought one of your posh friends would be your first choice”, I glanced to the window and noticed a robin, picking at the grass to see if there was any bite to eat. I wish I was a bird, to fly away from this life would be an adventure. Suddenly, jealously cuts through me like a knife…being able to fly through the wonders of the sky, seeing everything below and not have to deal with it. Shaking my head, `Jealous of a bird, yes, Robert Sugden is at an all-time low`, I thought with some bitter amusement before turning back to Andy. He was staring at me with curiosity, anger and…concern? “I ran into some thugs and they decided to remind me that liking men is not a good thing”, I accepted I was bisexual a long time ago but I never came out; I guess Andy is the first. My brother opened his mouth, closed it before opening it again, I butted in quickly, “I’m bisexual, meaning I like both genders”, he woke up fast from his shock, “right, okay, that’s fine…I don’t mind…just, why me?”

`Why him? ` He’s my brother, that’s why. I have no one and I just wanted my brother there like he was before. I love him even though; I have put him through shit. He’s everything and I just want my family back. I coughed, clearing my throat, which was still sore, “I needed my brother” I admitted, rubbing my throat without looking at him, “I got no one and it was okay at first but being the lone wolf does have its flaws,” I chuckled, “I just wanted…” I shook my head as I trailed off. Silence met my confession. Manipulation was my power and I know Andy is probably thinking it, I sighed as my past bites me on the arse. I jumped as a hand grabbed my knee, and my eyes followed up to the emotionless eyes, “I don’t know what to believe but I can see you need help, I want to give you it but no stirring up trouble or I will boot you out before you can say another one of you fake apologies, got it?” Relief filled my lungs as I grasped the hand on my knee…

“Thank you.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

It’s been 2 weeks since I walked (well, more likely carried) into Andy’s life and it’s been tense but getting better. I apologised for the past and we both agreed not to let the past get involved with our future. So here we are, drinking beer, watching football and yelling at the players. We are more friends than brothers but I’ll take what I can get. I have stayed inside, not wanting people to know I’m here and Andy seem to understand, making sure no one comes to his house. It’s difficult because of Sarah and Jack but no one knows so all good, I guess. My ribs are more grey than black and blue now and my ankle is better, just weak, my throat is mostly healed and my face is clearing up nicely. The only thing missing is the spark, the reason to keep going…I haven’t told Andy about the cancer or the homeless part, he thinks I’m in a rocky relationship and needs space.

The football ends shortly, and Andy get up to stretch until his back cracks, I laughed and he smirked before walking to the kitchen, “What do you fancy for dinner?”, coming back with menus and threw them on my lap as he jumps over the back of the sofa to sit. Chinese, Pizza, Indian and more Chinese, I made up my mind on pizza but asked Andy what would he like, `great minds think alike` I thought as he chooses pizza without hesitance. With a nod from me and a quick scan of the menu, coming up with American Hot pizza, Andy phoned in. I got up to get rid of the beer bottles, Andy followed me in after he ordered, and sat at the dining table, “When are we going to tell them?” he asked, with a hint of concern, “You look like you need some sun, mate”. I smiled at his way of asking this awkward question, “I don’t know…there’s something I need to tell you first before…” I sighed, knowing it’s time to tell him about it all, I watched him straighten up and quickly reassured him, “I have told you no lies, promise. It’s just something I haven’t told you”, he sagged in relief but his questionable stare doesn’t leave.

`Saved by the bell.” I thought grimly, as I took the money off the coffee table and answered the door. I inhaled the amazing smell of pizza, walking into the kitchen and being met by two plates already next to each other. Andy waiting patiently, “talk after this?” I agreed and served with grace.

The pizza was magical…my tongue feels like it’s been sun burnt but shit, it was worth it! Andy washed up the plates and binned the box before nodding me to the living room. I sighed deeply, `here it goes. `

I told him. I told him about London. My supportive friends who let me their sofas, the accomplishments I done with my job, the Whites, how much I loved Chrissie and finally the cancer.

“No, no…You had? Why? Why didn’t you? I would have been there! WHY DIDN’T YOU PHONE, ROBERT?!?” He stood up to pace the floor, wiping his face constantly as if the world’s weight suddenly crashed on his shoulders, “I didn’t want to put you through that, or Diane…after her cancer, it just wouldn’t have been fair” I said, watching his face turn to me with utter disbelief. “Fair? FAIR?!? How is this fair, Robert? What if you died? How do you think…? I can’t believe- “I stood up to fight my case, “You hated me, Andy! We left on bad terms and it was mostly my fault. I thought you would have hanged up” I was breathless after explaining. Silence. After what seemed hours but maybe only a minute, he turned away from me as tears started to fall, “I’m sorry you had to deal with that alone”, he murmured.

I walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder, “I’m free of it now,” smiling, “you're stuck with me, mate”, nudging him. He chuckled but it sounded more like a sob, “God save me,” he sniffed, “anything else I need to know about?” as he pulled up his sleeves to wipe his tears.

I shrugged my shoulders, and smiled.

“Apart for me being homeless? No, nothing really.”

…

“WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

It’s officially been a month. Andy and me have worked through our differences, and made up a rota to do with the house, seeing as I can’t afford to pay rent. I do the dinner, and he will wash up afterwards, I will do the laundry for 4 days and he will do the other 3 days and so on. It works out perfect, “The chips are burnt, Rob…Well, do it yourself next time, eh?”, almost perfect.

Sitting on the sofa, eating my cereal of Cheerios, watching SpongeBob and in my new racing cars pjs Andy bought me for a laugh…This is the life. My wounds are healing fast but never forgotten. I may accept myself being bi and other people being whoever they are but there are some people who do not agree and will show you their hatred over it. I tell myself they are arseholes but being beaten up for your sexuality, it does something to you I cannot describe.

KNOCK KNOCK!

Shit…SHIT! I nearly slammed my bowl down on the coffee table before rushing to the front door, `What to do? What to do? Andy is out at the moment, what do I do? `, a male’s voice spoke up, “Andy! You there, mate?”, I pulled down my shirt nervously and swallowed.

“H-Hello?” I could have ignored him but have you ever gotten so isolated, it actually hurts? Andy is great company, I’m extremely lucky to have his forgiveness; however, I am a people person and I desperately want to talk to someone else. “Hi, err is Andy in?”, feet moving to announce the owner of the voice’s awkwardness, I sighed, “Sorry mate, he is out at the moment…Can I take a message or something?”, the problem of hiding yourself from the world is when someone is on the other side of the door, a someone who has a nice voice, I might add and probably thinks you are a weirdo for not answering doors, fuck my life. “Err, yes. Can you tell him to call me when he gets back? Tell him it’s Aaron.” I nodded but then realising he can’t see me, I let him know my agreement, “right then, I- goodbye”, hearing him walk away, I quickly said my goodbyes before collapsed against the wall with a groan of embarrassment. Great.

Walking over to the sofa, I fell face down and screamed my frustration into the decorative pillow. `Aaron is going to think I’m a right nutter. ` Sighing in dismay, I shifted in a more comfortable position so I could see the TV which was now playing Scooby Doo, I tried my best to forget the last moments ever happened.

Hours later, Andy came in. Gets off his jacket, put his keys back on the key hold and jogged upstairs to the shower, I’m guessing… `10 points to Slytherin! ` I thought as I heard the shower going. I got up to make us both some coffee, and to wash my bowl. Admiring the outdoors, I started the kettle and after washing and drying my bowl, grabbed some mugs and the coffee, the longing to go outside is driving me nuts and I quickly brought the blind down angrily.

“What did that poor blind do to you?” I jumped, not expecting Andy behind me. He grabbed for his coffee, hold it up in cheers and sat down heavily on one of the dining chairs as I drank mine, leaning against the sink. “Doing my head in,” I sighed, putting my mug down and running a hand through my dark blonde hair, making it stick up but found myself not caring, “I want to go outside, I’m getting…Not that I’m not grateful but it’s almost claustrophobic in here”, feeling weightless, I sat on a dining chair and rested my head on my crossed arms.

Andy stared at me with a knowing grin, he has harassed me to tell Emmerdale I’m back, “We should get some fireworks or something”, he laughed as I glared.

I want to feel the fresh air again. Being able to walk down the road, listening to the birds sing and people gossiping. Seeing my old home again without the overbearing burning wick of my father’s stare, looking down at me; I wonder how the old pub is going… `Woolpack`, flashbacks of laughter, crying, smiling, fighting, disappointment and getting drunk flew into my mind before I could stop it. Shaking my head, it would be nice to see Diane again and Vic. She’s all grown up now, married to another farmer apparently but he’s a good bloke, according to Andy. `God, time flies. ` Taking a sip of my coffee, I looked up to Andy’s apprehensive face and smiled to reassure him. Putting our mugs in the sink, he glanced to me, “Rob, I know you are feeling anxious but you are also bored so I really think it’s time…We could pretend to be ninjas again like we did as kids and get to pub, just to see Diane and Vic?”, he suggested lightly, humour in his eyes as he begins to sort out dinner. I laughed and nodded, “maybe…We need to plan if we do,” I grinned and laughing, he said, “Sort it out after tea, hm?”, we shook hands and burgers it is.

…

“By the way, you need to ring Aaron”, speaking with my mouth full and winking at Andy’s disgusted face, “How do you know? Did he ring the house phone or something?” Shaking my head, “No, he came round,” shrugging my shoulders and carried on enjoying my burger…

“What?”

Chapter Text

Chapter 5

Tying up my black boots, I looked in the mirror and sighed. I’m in Andy’s spare room which I’ve been living in the past month and a few days; pale green walls, grey carpet that feels like heaven compared to the unforgiving hard concrete I’m used to, a double soft bed and I’m not kidding about the softness, it’s like sleeping on a cloud…then again anything would feel like a cloud after sleeping rough. A small white bedside cabinet, a bookcase, holding my Harry Potter’s that Andy bought me at a charity shop and lastly a creamy coloured wardrobe with a mirror on the outside door. I’m not sure I like my reflection…I don’t recognise the guy I used to know, not the farm boy who was dead weight according to his father and not the business man with a family who thought something good of him. No, I see a person who is trying but is getting more tired each day. Andy and I seem good and God, I’m thankful for this. I don’t know where I would be now if it weren’t for Andy.

I just…I’m tired and scared if the cancer comes back. I don’t want to worry Andy but if it comes back, I don’t know if I can go through it again. I’m so exhausted.

Shaking my head, `enough, ` I focus on my clothing, all in black. Andy’s joke of us being ninjas like when we were kids to get into the Woolpack, has actually come to life. He bought us black everything, even masks but after a pretty loud discussion, me being the voice of reason and making him see we might actually get arrested, looking more like thieves than friendly folks. Instead of masks, we’re got these cool black Marvel snapbacks!!

“You ready to go, Rob?”, Andy knocking on the door before coming in, “It’s precisely 8.30pm so time we head out”, he grinned, excitement making his eyes shine like flipping Dumbledore. Raising an eyebrow while snatching my snapback off the wardrobe door handle, “Ready, Ninja 1”, he laughed as he led us out into our mission.

Getting to the back door of the Woolpack will be difficult, especially as we are climbing fences. Considering we are nearly hitting 30, I am a bit concerned, “We are going to break our necks, I know it…Thanks for the input, Mr Positive.” However, Andy believes we can do so if Andy says, we shall do.

Locking the back door, we are up against with our first fence. “Up you go, bro”, I glared at him as he kneads down, linking his fingers together to boost me up, “you are enjoying this too much”, I grumbled, placing one of my feet on his hands and the other on the fence, “Ready?” I made a noise of agreement and then yelped as he pushed. I managed to land on both feet, stumbling to get my balance back. Narrowing my eyes at where Andy was laughing behind the fence, “come on, hotshot”, I said sarcastically, “jump, boy, jump!”, Andy jumped the fence, goes to straighten up his clothes, “I’m not a dog”, he whined, trying to glare but ruined it with a big fat grin on his face.

I huffed and begun to march down the steep trail that will lead us to another bloody fence. `Only 3 more`, Andy jogging to keep up with me before grabbing my sleeve and hid us behind a bush. I looked at him curiously before he nodded towards a light, coming from a house, “Edna”, he mouthed; `Oh, yes`, an old religious woman, always wearing a hat and a cute dog in her arms, she is never without that damn dog but I would be the same. I love dogs and will hopefully get one in the future.

 “Rob!”, comes a whisper and I’m back to reality. Andy crouched down and begun to roll sideways to the next fence, I watched for a moment, sighed and joined in. “They see me rollin, they’re hatin…”, trying hard to keep our laughter in, we get to the fence and in the same place as last time, I was literally thrown over the fence. Rubbing my poor butt, I frowned and watched Andy leap over the fence effortlessly, “this is not fair”, I will never admit it but I’m pouting right now. Giggling like a bloody girl, Andy Almighty offered me a hand up and mission continued; I quickly picked up my snapback which fallen off during my fall, I swear Andy done that on purpose, “No, I didn’t!”, he did.

My patience was going by the minute, as we were once again stopped by a fence. “You go first this time, Superman”, I sneered, knowing he will probably jump over it, the dick and yes, he does. I sighed, not knowing how to get past…`hold on, what’s this? ` With a Cheshire grin on my face, I went on all fours and climb through the human size hole in the fence, `really need to get that fixed but thanks to whom owns this place`, standing up to dust myself off, I looked up to see my brother laughing quietly while asking if I was okay. Smirking, I slowly creeped behind him and just as he was going to turn, “BOO!”, screaming, he threw a punch but I ducked, roaring with laughter. Andy glared at me, and looks like he’s going to deck me before a light flashed over us.

“WHO’S THERE?” A woman’s panicky/angry voice shouted, waving her weapon that looks more like a feather duster as she gets closer to us. I gulped while looking at Andy, who also owning a terrified look but after taking a breath, he stepped up to calm the situation. “I’m so sorry, Pearl”, he put his arms up in surrender position and nodding to me, “it’s just Andy with my brother, Robert. We…er…going to surprise Diane and Vic. Robert’s back home and yeah…”, smiling at the plump woman, walking to us. From the flashlight’s level of light, I can she has wide bright eyes, and is wearing a peevish look upon her face. “Oh, you youngsters! Going to send me to an early grave, I tell you”, the woman seems to have lost any anger and to relish in relief; shaking herself off, she offered a hand to me, “I’m Pearl Ladderbanks, it’s nice to meet you, dear…even though you frighten me to death,” I shook her hand and apologised. “it’s alright, dear. It does my heart some good, having a rush like that…What’s your name again? I will have to introduce you to Paddy, lovely man, and his wife Rhona too, both of them…OH! And their son, Leo-“, I politely interrupt her before she loses her breath, “I’m Robert Sugden, Diane’s stepson and Andy’s and Vic’s brother. It’s nice to meet you, Mrs Ladderbanks but I must dash, surprising the family and all. I will definitely take your offer on introducing me around the village though and I’m so sorry again about scaring you,” I held her hand, as she giggled, patting me on the arm with her other hand. Giving me a cheeky grin, Andy walked before me while I spoke to Pearl, “Such a lovely boy, alright then”, patting my arm again before letting me go, “Let me know when you are free, dear” and she walked back inside her house.

Smiling to myself, I jogged to catch Andy in a noogie, “Get off!”, he threw me a dirty look before taking off to the next fence to jump over it. `Bastard`, looking for a way to get over the blasted fence and what do you know? Laughing to myself, there was a ladder leaning against the fence…This is my day!

Andy was gobsmacked. “How did you jump over that?” I shrugged, while striking up a pose with my right arm up to my shoulders and bent to show off my muscles, “I'm improving in the muscle department”, grinning at him. He looked at me, suspiciously but turned away to announce we have finally arrived to our destination. The Woolpack.

I gazed at the old pub, my Dad loved. I had no attachment to it except for my step mother who owns half of it and my sister, who is a chef there. The back of it was not as lively as the front but it still looks homey and there’s the backdoor to my family. The family I left.

Rubbing my hands to get my act back together, I pushed myself to the door and just about to go through before anxiety gripped me tight, “Robert?” Arms touched me and warmth surrounded me, silly nothings being whispered into my ear, “it’s okay, it’s okay” as my heart pounding hard against my chest like it was going to burst through, I can’t breathe…

Closing my eyes, I tried the breathing techniques my ex therapist taught me and started to count. Numbers are simple, real and easy enough to make sense of, they help me. Panic attacks are awful. I hate them with a passion. I lose control over my body and fear takes over.

After what seems forever, I am able to breathe and focus on Andy’s face. His distress, spoken with his eyes and his distraught expression, his hands holding me against the wall. My hand shakily grabbed a hold of his black hoodie and nodded, “I’m good”, I choked out, breathlessly. He stared at me for a while before letting me go and helped me stand up. He shook his head at me, “You, Sugden, are going to give me a heart attack one of these days”, I laughed which quickly turned into coughing. He chuckled, rubbing his neck and rolled his shoulders before asking, “are you sure you are still up for this?”

Wiping my sweating hands on my jeans, “yes”, and Andy knocked…

…

“Andy, what are you…Robert?”

Chapter Text

Chapter 6

“Andy, what are you…Robert?”

Dumbfounded, I couldn’t look away from her. In a chef uniform, my baby sister stood with highlighted blonde hair and nearly comes up to my chin. My baby sister all grown up. Regret builds his tower in my stomach, `I wasn’t there for her, I didn’t see her grow up, ` my eyes begin to water before I quickly blinked them away. She stood there with her mouth open, her eyes wide with surprise and her body, frozen in time like a statue before it made a lunged at me.

I almost fell in shock if Andy didn’t support me. Victoria, crying into my neck, arms around my waist and hands digging into the back of my shirt. I sighed in happiness as I wrapped my arms around her, and rested my chin on her head; it was a miracle…to have my sister back in my arms and my brother standing beside me, this was a dream. If it is, I pray I never wake up.

“Oh my God!”, Victoria pushed me back gently, one hand letting go to cover her mouth and stared at me with red, puffy eyes. “I can’t believe…”, and proceed to lung at me again, I started to laugh and held her to me as she started crying again. Andy was rolling his eyes, “women” he mouthed at me just as Victoria pulled back and looked at him, she gave him a death stare and slapped his arm, “that’s for mocking me,” SLAP! “that’s for hiding Robert from me”, “OW!”, SLAP, “and that’s for being a wuss.” I grinned at Andy as he rubbed his sore arm while giving Vic a wounded look.

Wiping her tears away, “right, enough with the tears. Come on, you gits! Diane is waiting”, she opened the door for me and Andy to slip past and led us to the living room/kitchen. Everything is the same except where it’s different; like the new fridge in the kitchen, and the old stain of blackcurrant on the carpet from one of baby Vic’s many accidents. There were new photos, a few I recognised like my siblings, Diane, Jack, and then the others I don’t, probably belonging to the other owner of the pub. One picture held a man, estimating his age at around 18, skinhead with piercing blue eyes…I couldn’t bring myself to look away until someone was clearing their throat, I looked over.

“Well, not going to hug me then, pet?”, I smiled at Diane’s friendly face, her eyes sparkling at me and her smile that could make the saddest of men smile too. I hugged her with all my might, closing my eyes and let her arms, smell, her everything comfort me in the way only she could. She’s my mum, in other words. My other mum, Sarah, never had the chance…However, Diane is a good soul and I have no idea how Jack won her over but I’m grateful he did or I wouldn’t have her in my life the way she is now. Her smile seems to milk all the darkness away, her arms are able to take the weight of my grief and her excitement of seeing me is overwhelming. Her love for me shone from her eyes as she whispered, “my son is home”, holding my face while wiping the tears that escaped without my permission or notice. She was blinking away tears, hugging me tightly again, letting me crash into her; Andy and Vic were leaning on each other, for strength or comfort. Vic was crying again and waved a hand at me in annoyance as I chuckled at her.

“Right!”, Diane took a step back but kept her hands on my shoulders, “I’m going to close the pub and then all four of us are going to have a chat”, no one argued and Diane went to do as she said. I sat down at the dining table when Vic followed and held my hand. I traced small circles on the back of her hand to calm her down, she squeezed my hand in thanks and ran a hand through her long blonde locks. I guess she noticed my curiosity, “I started to highlight it in December for the new year, wanted a change,” giving me a cheeky grin, “and what a year it’s going to be, now Robert Sugden, the drama queen is back”, I went to hit the back of her head playfully but a “sorry” stopped me. Turning around to face the intruder, I was speechless…

The boy from the photo. He has grown up into a rugged, handsome young man. Hair slightly longer but not much, a beard that I wouldn’t might getting rashes from if I was allowed to taste those lips of his; the guy’s physique was not helping either as the shirt he is wearing shows how built he is. Wearing a black tank top with a pair of running bottoms and trainers might sound untidy but trust me when I say, he makes them look like they should be wore by models.

My wandering eyes look up to see his striking blue eyes gazing at me. A warmth started to pool in my stomach and a flush rising to my cheeks, I cleared my throat awkwardly and looked down to the floor for a couple of seconds before looking back to his smirk, which seems to add to my flustered state. I quickly twisted myself around to be stuck with Vic’s questionable stare, I shrugged my shoulders and played with the bottom of my shirt. “No worries, mate. Just some family stuff. Don’t mean to force you out of your living room but…”, the other guy nodded at Andy and smiled, “no worries,” I felt a burning sensation of someone looking at the back of my neck before Diane appeared.

“Sorry, pet. Is there anything you need here? We need to have a personal chat here so if you could also share that with Chas and Doug, I would be most grateful”, Diane spoke, sitting down with us. `Wait, Chas? `, confusion and guilt poured down my insides like cement as I thought of the night I said no to the outspoken woman, who was drunk and hurting at the time. I stupidly made it worse by saying how could anyone want a sad old hag…I sighed, must do something about that.

The guilt is always going to stay; making a home for it to lay in but this doesn’t mean I can’t do anything about it.

“No problem”, a soft male voice broke me from my thoughts. I do recognise that voice…I do…Where have I heard it before? I heard the door swing, making me feel relax now the handsome bloke is gone. Diane slapped the table and looked at me with an emotionless face.

“Let’s hear it, Robert.”

Tensed up again, my entire back and shoulders tighten without mercy. Clenching my jaw, before breathing in, out, in and out…

“Okay.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 7

Leaning against the sink in the kitchen of the Woolpack, I’m looking out the window aimlessly as the two women of my family digest what I have told them. No sounds until a chair scrapes against the floor and Victoria runs from the room, “excuse me”, Andy immediately ran after her.

The door slammed and I sighed. It’s not what you want to hear; The brother who you haven’t seen in years had cancer and now in remission but is homeless. I heard a sob and I closed my eyes. `Diane`, I thought with a sharp pang of guilt and pain; she has fought and survived the unbearable disease and now she has to face it again. At the time, telling my family about the cancer was selfish and maybe I was worried they wouldn’t care. Now, I know that was a mistake.

“Oh, Robert,” a sorrowful voice stopped the eerie silence, which descended over the room as soon as I started explaining. I turned around, and what I saw broke my heart. Diane seemed to have aged beyond her years, her crestfallen face with tears falling down her pale cheeks, her sad eyes glistening yellow with the light above reflecting, her hands absently holding on to her mug of now cold tea and I can see them shake. She got up as if the whole world has suddenly been placed on her shoulders, mug left on the table and she hugged me.

This hug was like no other. Her heart wrenching cries cuts through me like an axe and left me in pieces; my arms held her tightly as she let all her grief go. My shoulder is becoming more and more wet as the clock ticks but not caring, my hands began a circling motion on her back to try to calm her down. Her hold on me was like a child holding to their mother, believing she was going to disappear if they let go, “I’m okay, I’m here,” I whispered, trying to comfort her, knowing I caused it.

“You…You shouldn’t have been alone…”, she gasped out, pulling away from me to look me in the eyes, wiping her tears away, “Oh, Robert…I should have-Why didn’t you tell me or anyone? We are family,” and she went to the sink to wash her face with cold water to cool down the red swollen look around her eyes. Brokenly, I admitted my worries of her being free of cancer and making her have to deal with it again, and how I believed no one would care, that somehow Jack had poisoned my name. I collapsed on the sofa, not looking at her and just put my head in my hands.

I heard footsteps before suddenly pain spread over the back of my head, “Ow!”, quickly shielding it from any more abuse. Diane was standing next to me with her hand raised and fire in her eyes, “You silly, silly boy! I love you like a son! Nothing and no one will ever get me to love you less”, tears escaping, she sat down and sighed. “I loved your father, he was my rock…but I always disagreed on how he treated you”, clutching my hand like a lifeline, “You were such a lovely boy, made a few mistake but you are only human.” Blinking my eyes furiously for a moment before hugging her again.

“I love you Diane…I’m sorry”, wrapping her arms around me, she whispered, “It’s okay, pet”, patting me on the back 3 times before letting go to make herself more presentable, gripping a tissue from the tissue box. Blowing her nose and wiping her tears, “no more sadness now, alright? I think my tears have run out now”, we laughed gently just as Andy came in.

“Alright?”, glancing at both me and Diane worriedly. I smiled and Diane patted him on the shoulder, “yes, love. How’s Victoria?”, Andy sighed and sat next to me, “a bit shaken up, upset and angry”, I closed my eyes and leant back on the sofa. A hand on my knee shocked me from my thoughts, Diane’s smiling face, “give her time, love”, I looked at her before nodding.

“It will all work out, I promise.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 8

It’s been raining the past 5 days, on and off. Quite funny, really because that’s how many days it’s been since I told Vic and the last time I heard from her. Guilt clawing up my throat, making me feel sick…I can’t blame Vic for being so distraught and angry, it is understandable; seeing your brother for the first time in 10 years and then finding out he had cancer and of course, not forgetting the homeless part…It is going to feel like out of this world in the worst way.

Stealing the words from Twilight, I never thought how I would die. It’s crazy to know one day, I’m not going to be here but I never thought it would be when I still got control over my bowels. I also never thought Cancer would be my killer.

When I found out I no longer had Leukaemia, I fell apart. In relief? Happiness? I don’t know. I can’t explain…My emotions were everywhere and I couldn’t believe it. No more cancer. No more chemo. My hair will finally grow back…All these thoughts were spinning around my head like I somehow pressed repeat. The doctors and nurses were so nice. I was very well known from going flirty to kind to angry to sad and depressed; I was a mess but they all supported me. Dr Grainger, my doctor, advised me to go to counselling, I went for my 6 sessions, for the past 6 weeks and done. Came back home to see an eviction notice on my door, telling me to clear my stuff in 21 days and get gone…

My landlord was a pig of a man, to be polite as can be. He was secretly overweight but had a binder to tuck his stomach in, I only know that because I had to ask him about my heating late at night and was threaten to never tell anyone. His hair was curly, black and everywhere. He had a beard, unruly and greasy and his breath smelt of marmite. His beetle eyes looked you up and down, like he was trying to imagine you without clothing and his beefy hand swallowed your hand as he shakes it. To match his awful appearance, his personality was the same; he was racist, pompous, deceptive, selfish, and cruel…he treated his wife like shit and cheated on her all the time. Thank God, she left him! And one good thing about being homeless was getting away from him.

I survived with the clothes on my back and the ones I could carry, which were 5 shirts, 3 jeans, 1 jumper and my winter jacket, the money I had until it ran out so I had to beg on the streets. The begging only happened after I nearly passed out without having a drink and a meal for 3 days; this woman gave me some money when she found me near the small pub and actually made sure I had somewhere to sleep by telling me about a shelter nearby. My pride obviously died that day, maybe that was a good thing but so did my self-worth.

Sleeping rough is not nice nor easy. It can destroy a person. You lose everything including your will to be strong, to try and sadly, to live.

I was lying in bed when I heard the knocking. Opening one eye, I sighed, `so much for a rest`, grabbing my blue jumper and jeans off the floor while glancing at the clock, with the time 10:35AM glaring at me. Rushing down the stairs while struggled to put on my clothes, I quickly glanced at the mirror, making sure I was okay to be seen in public before looking through the side window by the door to check who it was.

Eyes widen, I hastily opened the door, “Vic”, I smiled nervously at her as she looked at me before barging through to throw herself down on the sofa. I stared at her for a minute with my mouth open, then shook my head, getting myself together as I shut the door, `Right, I made my bed, now I need to lay in it`, walking over hesitantly, honestly thinking she is going to attack at any moment. I sat down in one of the armchairs, rubbing my hands on my jeans, unable to relax and waiting anxiously for Vic to say something, anything…

Her face was pale with black shadows underneath her eyes as if she hasn’t been sleeping for weeks. Guilt gripped me tight before I pushed it down to focus on Vic. Her hands were constantly moving into a fist and then relaxing, her clothes were loose and comfortable even though the atmosphere was far from it, her hair was pulled into a messy bun but looked like it hasn’t been brushed; all of it was terrible but her eyes are what spoke the most and what kills me, they looked haunted. The bright spark she always had, the laughter in them, gone and it’s all my fault.

No one said a word for 30 minutes. The silence was insane, similar to how it was when waiting for my name to be called in the hospital. Vic hasn’t moved once until now.

Licking her dry lips, “When you left, I was scared and couldn’t stop crying,” she said, covering her hands with her sleeves, “I didn’t understand then. My brother who I love very much and vice versa, has just left me, I just…I didn’t want to believe it,” noticing her eyes shining with tears, I went to get her a tissue. Nodding her thanks, she carried on, staring at nothing, “I was absolutely overjoyed, seeing you at the door with Andy beside you. I knew you had your differences but you both seem happy and I thought we could be a big happy family again…”, she smiled at me with tears dripping down her cheeks, putting her hands on top of mine, “and we can but only if you promise, to tell us if you need us and I promise we will always be there for you. I love you, my big brother and I have no shame, admitting that.” I swapped to sit next to her and pulled her into a hug, letting her wiping her snot on my jumper, “I’m not going to lie, this…you…cancer, has hurt me and made me feel like crap, knowing you went through that terrifying disease on your own. I can’t bear to think”, she broke off to burying her head in my chest like she did when she was little. Unconsciously, I began to rock us side to side slowly and soon, she fell asleep.

I steadily moved us into a more comfortable position with me leaning against the sofa with my head back, her head resting on my shoulder and my arm around her, protectively.

I sighed before kissing her forehead and whispering, “I promise”, leaning back on the sofa, I closed my eyes and soon, became unaware of reality as I joined Vic in the land of sleep.

...

In the morning, I woke up to a blanket over me, that wasn’t there before and no Victoria. Hearing giggling from the kitchen, I rubbed my eyes to get the sleep out and stood up, yawning as I stretched until my back cracked. Sighing, I walked over to the kitchen with a grimace, `never sleep with your jeans still on`, before being enchanted by the most pleasant smell in the whole world…Coffee. I quickly grabbed the mug Vic held up to me, taking a sip to test the heat before gulping it down.

“URGH!”, I spat it out in the sink, wiping my mouth and threw the rest down the sink. Glaring at the sink, then to Vic and Andy, who were leaning on each other, laughing their heads off. Staring daggers at them, “WHY DID YOU RUIN A PERFECT MUG OF COFFEE?!?”, I stared down at the sink before asking what the hell they put in it.

“Mustard”, Victoria grinned evilly as Andy wiped his tears of laughter with his sleeves. Vic put down her mug, grabbed her coat, “Payback’s a bitch” passing me with a smirk and a pat on my back.

I frowned at the spot she was standing in before moving my frown to Andy. He looked at me innocently, “What? It was her idea.”, I still threw him a murderous look before marching to my room.

Grumbling, “How could you do that to the world’s best creation?”, throwing my arms up in confusion and despair, ` I am never going to understand my siblings. `

Chapter Text

Chapter 9

“I don’t want to.”

Both Andy and Vic were dragging me to the Woolpack.

Andy finally had enough of my boredom, apparently I’ve been driving him up the walls with my sighing and moaning. So the Sugden nightmares decided to kidnap me from my cosy bed, forced me into a shower and after getting dressed, they shoved me out the front door and began to drag me all the way over to that blasted pub.

“You are becoming a hermit, dear brother of mine and as your concerned sister, I am helping you…You should be thanking us”, Victoria sends me a grin over her shoulder before coming to a stop. The pub’s front door.

Rubbing my hands together, cold sweat started to drip down my neck as I tried to slow my breathing. I felt a hand grip my shoulder gently and a voice say, “we’re here for you, Rob”, I walked over to a bench and sat down. I didn’t look at Victoria or Andy, didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes. Giving me the “Poor Robert” look, like I’m fragile or damaged. I hate it. I glared at the floor as I begin to have more control over my breathing.

A hand grabbing mine made me look up to meet Victoria’s troubled face, “You okay, Robert?”, I stared at her for a minute then nodded. She looked like she's got more questions but Andy quickly grabbed her attention and shook his head. “Right!”, Andy slapped his hands against the table, “How about we stay out here? The fresh air will do us some good, I’ll get us drinks”, before we could answer, he ran into the pub. Victoria stared out, I couldn’t read her expression.

Sighing, I don’t know what to say. These panic attacks began in one of my therapy sessions, and straight away diagnosed with anxiety. I got antidepressants but soon, they ran out and I didn’t have the money to get anymore. Andy mentioned going to the doctors and apparently there are benefits which means free prescriptions and medications… These panic attacks are tiring; a nice long nap would be a dream right now.

“Guess who I found?”, Andy laughed with a tray of drinks and being followed by 2 other men. Victoria, smiling, immediately jumped into one of the men’s arms. This guy must be the husband, Adam Barton. I measured him up; he was good looking, I guess and he obviously loved my sister. His eyes almost shine when he spotted her, his arms wrapped around her like she was the most special thing here and his entire body language matched hers. He noticed me staring and smiled at me, “Hey mate, I’m Adam. Robert, right? Nice to meet ya”, he put his hand out and I shook it, “Hi, nice to meet you too” I smiled at him and nodded, “Don’t know if it matters but I approve”, winking at Vic and everyone laughed. Adam slaps me on the back, “Thanks, man. I can go to sleep easy now”, I chuckled before grabbing my pint and took a gulp. The other guy sat opposite to me and…

“This is my best mate, Aaron Dingle.” I gazed at the guy before me, “Shit”, as he grinned at me and held out a hand, “Hey”, wiping the hand which was not holding my beer, on my leg before shaking his hand. I looked at him and nodded, “Alright?”, I didn’t mean to be awkward but Aaron just seem to bring it out of me. He gave me a lopsided grin, lift his pint in cheers and took a mouthful.

Andy, who sat near me, nudged me and wiggled his eyebrows up and down, I glared at him and elbowed him in the ribs. He yelped, and he nearly dropped his pint! I laughed and he narrowed his eyes before breaking and started to laugh too.

The other people with us stared at us, with confused expressions. Victoria shrugged her shoulders, “boys”, she sighed, taking a sip of her white wine. Adam rolled his eyes and threw his arm around Vic’s shoulders, “At least, they are laughing together. No more fighting, like you told me they were.” He brought her close and let her nuzzle into his neck, “You got your family back, Vic and got to admit, Robert seems a great lad”, Victoria smiled at her husband’s words and nodded happily.

Marlon came out, looking stressed and red in the face, “Oi! Madam Can I get a day off at the last minute? I need your help and then you may laugh yourself silly”, he shouted impatiently, waving his arms around. Victoria looked at him, open mouthed before shaking herself off and got up, “Alright, alright! No need to shout!”, she yelled, marching up to the pub as Marlon just stared at her in shock, “Well, come on then!”, he ran after her.

“Jesus,” I murmured, as the other lads started to laugh. Adam, wiping his eyes, patted me on the arm and Andy snorted, “Our Vic is a real woman now, bro”, I chuckled and lifted my nearly empty glass to Adam, “Good luck, mate!”, and the other boys lifted their pints to him too. The man himself rolled his eyes, thanking us and got up, “Come on, Andy. Let’s get the drinks. Pints still, lads?”, after agreements, they went.

Suddenly realising who I’m left with, I gulped down what was rest of my beer for some Dutch courage and looked away to my left, tapping a tune with my fingers on the table. Aaron cleared his throat, “So, how long are you going to stay here?”, I smiled at him for breaking the ice and he grinned back, “I don’t know. I’m staying at Andy’s at the moment…I owe him a lot. Need to get a job to help with the rent and maybe stay for the time being. It’s nice being back home.”, I answered calmly, consciously patting myself on the back well done. Aaron has no idea how he is affecting me. This attraction has to be one sided and to be honest, I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship; I finally got my family back and I need to sort out my life first before having to focus on another person.

“Sounds like you have a plan, sticking around. I’m sure Diane, Andy and Vic will be pleased,” he spoke, glancing around me before looking back at me. `His eyes…`, I shook my head, “Yeah, I am too. Being back with the family and all…Meeting Adam was awesome too; as an older brother, I was worried but after meeting him, I don’t think I have anything to worry about. And of course, you’re not bad, I guess”, sending him a cheeky grin, winking at him.

Aaron looked dazed for a second before shaking it off, “Oh! Thanks,” he said, sarcastically and rolling his eyes, “You seem alright, yourself…maybe a bit blonde for my taste but…”, smirking at me. I snorted before hitting the table in mock dismay, “Damn, lost my chance before I even knew it”, I joked, making him chuckle before patting my hand.

Our eyes met and I swear, I can hear bloody fireworks in my head.

…

“No. No you haven’t”

Chapter Text

Chapter 10

I’m not good at relationships, of any kind.

I do not remember my Mother, Pat or my brother, Jackie. They both died in a car crash when I was 4 months. The sadness of never meeting them stings but the anger and resentment I used to feel as a kid was crazy. I used to blame them, why did they have to die? I had live with a dad who didn’t want me. My half-sister, Sandie, left for Scotland without hesitance. I never saw or heard from her again.

The relationship between me and Jack was always strained. It was like I was a dirty stain on a window and no matter what Jack did to clean, it always stayed…At least until I left. I could never make him proud and at 19, I gave up. In his eyes, Andy was the perfect son and I was the black sheep. A lost cause.

Happiness came when Jack met Sarah, my soon to be Step-Mum. She was amazing, kind and always managed to get Jack off my back. We used to play board games together and talk about our day; I talk about school and how the teachers were horrible, she would talk about work and how rude her boss was. She cared about me and it was the first time I ever felt loved. Jack and Sarah married in 1994 and gave me a little sister the same year, Victoria.

I soon met Andy and Katie in 1996. Andy moved in as a foster kid and soon, adopted after it came out that his father was in prison and his Grandmother died, who was his guardian at the time. Jack loved Andy and his favouritism always showed. Sarah hated it but I quickly told her to not worry, I did not want to come between her and Jack’s relationship.

Then 1997 came and everything broke down. Jack cheated, Sarah cheated and she left, taking my baby sister with her. I wanted to go with her but Jack won custody because she was not my real Mum...technically. She was there when I was upset with Jack, when I had my first heartbreak, my birth Mum and brother’s death anniversary, when I was getting bullied, birthdays, Christmases and the board games. She was my Mum. However, out of defiance or hatred, Jack wanted me, using me as a weapon between Sarah and himself. I hated him but after this, I never called him Dad again.

I stayed with a family friend for a while. One night, I decided to go back to the farm to get the rest of my stuff but discovered the barn was on fire and Sarah was in there.

I tried my best to get the fire down after calling for help but it didn’t make any differences. Sarah, the only mum I knew, died. I still remember the smell of burning wood, the smoke and her screams.

Her screams hit me like the force of Zeus. I shouldered the blame of her death; I should have been there. I should have called for help sooner. I should have done a load of things but these should haves cannot have saved her as they did not happen. Nightmares plagued me ruthlessly and being stuck with Jack’s harsh words did not help at all. Andy used to wake me up and try to comfort me but no one could’ve helped me. In my eyes, I let my Mum die and that was unforgivable.

After 3 weeks since Sarah died, Jack was charged for her murder. I was all for it. I hated him, he hurt Sarah and even if he was not to blame, I still wanted him to pay for hurting her and me. However, I found out who the real killer was and because of this, the trust I had in people shattered. It was Andy. The pain of losing the one person who loved me and the betrayal of someone I thought as a brother destroyed me and I ended up making Andy pay, using my fists. I also slept with his girlfriend at the time, Katie...Another story for another time, I guess.

In 2008, I found out Andy was sentenced to prison for 3 years and I got drunk that day. Mum, Sarah, finally got her justice.

Knowing Andy got his punishment helped but I could never forgive him. Time goes by and I have lost so many people, I need my family behind me. I’ve realised I am lost alone; I need people around me. Gaining my trust is difficult and this makes relationships even harder than they are, so here I am. In Emmerdale, my hell, trying to mend everything that got broken and to be happy again. Also, memories of Sarah are here and I will cherish them always.

Diane is one of a kind and another chance of having a mother. She holds that responsibility close to her heart but knows Sarah was the real deal. Still, I got my family back now, a new addition, Adam, Vic’s other half and he seems to be a smashing lad. Just need to take one day at a time, I guess.

Coming back to the main point. Because of all this, I struggle with friendships and relationships so why on earth am I risking everything for a bloody mechanic? He is handsome and got this wicked sense of humour I can join in with; we get on very well, almost too well but this is going to go wrong. I know it. I’m in Emmerdale, for God’s sake. Something’s bound to go wrong.

I exchanged numbers last night with Aaron and we have been texting nonstop. I saved him as Mr Grumpy after getting my first text from him, moaning about early starts.

A: I fucking hate early mornings.

R: Good morning to you too :P

A: Oh God. You’re not one of those happy twats that loves mornings for some reason? If so, we can’t be friends.

R: Lol no. Coffee is my saviour.

A: Good. Would hate to no longer talk to you anymore :P

R: Oh?

A: Fancy a pint tonight?

R:  Looking forward to it. 6pm?

A: Sure. We can stay outside if you don’t want to see people. I can understand that

R: I’m sure you do Grumpy…Going to save you as Mr. Grumpy now xD

A: Not funny, you prick. I was being nice.

R: I know but it suits you :D

A: Prat.

R: You love it.

And that was how Mr. Grumpy was born.

I like him. I found out from Andy, Aaron is gay and you would not believe it if you saw him but you know, mustn’t judge. I’m bisexual and Vic could not believe it… “Are you sure, Rob? You never act like it…What? Do you expect good fashion advice and pink tutus?” Society have set these stereotypes on the LGBT community, seeing the men as feminine and the women as masculine. Even some of LGBT people judge each other because of this and it causes so many problems, people just don’t realise. I wish everyone would accept each other as they are. It is so much easier than all this judgemental shit.

It is now 4.30pm and I’m getting more anxious as time ticks on. The Woolpack is a busy pub, seeing as it’s the only pub in the village but also because it’s so welcoming and has a sense of love about it. It has a history, just like any place does. It is like a landmark, unknown to more popular places but to us, the pub is our Statue of Liberty.

The building itself is not the problem. It’s the people who bother me. The stares, the unfortunate judgments of me that were right at the but no longer hold truth anymore. I hope to apologise, especially to Chas Dingle. Not only because she is Aaron’s Mum, but I basically kicked her when she was down. It was cruel. When I think about it, I was Jack and Chas somehow became me. I was the bully; she was the victim.

Lastly, Aaron. He is amazing. I find myself speechless, trying to describe him. It’s funny because I couldn’t stop talking to him last night, at the pub. We spoke about football, family, friends, funny drunken nights and random stuff, barely talking to the others as we were so into our conversation. We just clicked.

I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to end up getting hurt myself. Taking risks are no longer my forte. Trust is difficult to earn and the cancer, even though it’s gone, still makes me feel I’m on edge every day; the fear of it coming back grips my heart tighter and tighter.

I’m insecure. I don’t know how to love someone, to keep them and keep them happy. I always feel I need to give them all of me and more, I need to give them the world and God, I’m tired. I got nothing to give anymore. I’m just me. No money, no job, no home, nothing. Just me.

Aaron doesn’t seem phrase by it all but I guess, it’s because he does not know the full story. Not a good first meeting, telling him about my cancer and how it might come back, or about me being homeless and Andy is being too kind to kick me out. Nope. Not a good start.

Besides all that, a relationship might not be what Aaron wants. It might be a one-night stand he’s after. I’m new, I like men and depending on the rumours, I’m easy too. Why not give the Robert train a ride?

I truly hope not. I do not do flings. I’m not that Robert anymore. Even though, I’m crap at relationships, it would be nice to have someone…Someone to lead on, to comfort and receive comfort, to love them and have it returned, to have fun together and trust them enough to show the ugly as well as the beauty. It sounds wonderful.

Being with Chrissie showed me that and more but her riches always made me feel I needed to prove myself, yet again. In a way, I’m glad I broke up with her. On the other hand, I broke her heart and I wished there was another way.

I desperately want to promise myself, I will not hurt Aaron but I can’t. Just like he cannot either with me. All you can do is hope and pray.

Let’s see what happens, shall we?

5:15pm. `Better start getting ready`, I rushed upstairs to find Andy looking around in my wardrobe, I curiously watched him for a minute before asking, “What the hell are you doing?” He jumped, turning around with a hand grasping his chest, “Bloody hell, Robert. Don’t you know not to make an old man jump?” Leaning against the wall, I raised an eyebrow, “Well, when a certain brother is going through my clothing, I tend to forget everything and wonder what the hell is he doing?”, he smirked and held out a red shirt, dark blue jeans and my leather jacket I got from Vic recently, “You should thank me, I’m helping you get dressed for your date”, Glaring at him before grabbing the clothes roughly, “It’s not a date! And I don’t need help from you. I can dress myself, thanks”, I huffed at him, looking at the clothes he gave me, decisively. `They do look good`, I thought with a sniff, glancing to Andy, who was wearing a very smug face with his arms crossed, I rolled my eyes and reluctantly nodded. “Ha! Told you so.” He laughed, waving as he went to go downstairs. I sighed again, heading towards the shower just as Andy came back to say, “hurry up, mate! Don’t want to miss your date”, quickly running down the stairs, giggling his head off and missing the pillow I threw at him.

…

“IT’S NOT A BLOODY DATE, ANDY!!!”

Chapter Text

Chapter 11

I met Aaron outside the pub. He was wearing a black jumper, white shirt underneath, washed out blue jeans and trainers; I noticed him shivering and frowned, `What a muppet! Where is his coat? `, with a confused face, he asked me what’s wrong.

I nodded at him, “Where is your coat? You’ll get a cold if you’re not careful,” he rolled his eyes, “Sorry Mum, but I live right here. I thought you would only be a minute so,” shrugged his shoulders. I tutted and lifted my grey scarf off my neck to wrap it loosely around his, Aaron looked down to it with a small smile before giving me a grin, “Thanks,” spotting a bit of redness on his cheeks, I couldn’t help but return his grin.

He coughed, tugging on the scarf gently, “Ready to go in or…?” My hands tighten in my pockets, my shoulders hunched defensively and I started to bite my bottom lip nervously, `Can I do this? ` I gave out a sigh, glancing back at Aaron, who was waiting patiently for my answer while playing with my scarf. Focusing on my breathing, I fidgeted a bit and then decided.

I straighten my shoulders, put on my poker face and nudged Aaron forward, “Let’s do this,” he smiled encouragingly, before opening the door.

Sirens and danger zone signs were playing inside my head, causing me to freeze for a moment. I couldn’t see anything. I was in the pub as a boy, being shouted out by Jack after accidentally dropping a glass of lemonade on the floor…

A hand on my arm made me jump back to reality. Aaron was staring at me with concern written over his face, I smiled assuredly and patted his hand, “I’m okay,” he bit his lip as he read my face. Whatever he saw must have satisfy him because he dropped his hand from my arm to grab my sleeve, leading me to the bar, “Hey Diane, can we have 2 pints please?” Letting go to get his wallet, I went to stop him but he glared at me before I could. Huffing, I pouted and looked away to admire the pub.

Everything has changed. New paint on the walls, new flooring, chairs, tables, pictures on the walls and the people…No one has noticed me yet and for that, I’m thankful.

I noticed a photo of Jack behind Diane, I quickly passed it to be met with Diane’s warm-hearted face, “You alright, pet?” Smiling at her while nudging Aaron’s shoulder, I nodded at the pints and answered, “Got a nice looking bloke buying me drinks, life is good,” Aaron laughed, picking up the drinks and taking them to a table near the back. My eyes followed, a fond smile grew before I heard someone calling my name and turned to see my Step-Mum smirking at me, “What? He’s a mate, nothing else,” she put her hands up in defence, backing off to serve another customer.

I cleared my throat, walking over to Aaron and grabbed my pint, sitting down with a sigh. I took a swig with a groan of happiness and took a look at Aaron; he was smiling at me but his eyes seem slightly glazed with… `desire? `. I gulped anxiously, looking away, “So, how was work?”, Aaron shook himself off and started to stare at his beer as if it held all the answers to his questions, “Fine. Some idiot came in, saying his horn wasn’t working…turns out he wasn’t pressing the right side,” I chuckled at his irritated face, “Well, you deserve this drink then,” I smirked, playing with a beer mat while trying not to get sucked into his eyes.

Aaron winked at me, taking a mouthful of beer, “You alright?” he asked, gesturing to the crowd around us. There weren’t many people, to be honest. Diane is serving, no Chas or Doug, Diane’s partner, no Vic or Adam; just a few people scattered around the place. I was relieved, I do not want to have a panic attack with Aaron; I know he would understand but it’s embarrassing nonetheless.

I gave him a lopsided smile, “Everything is aright at this end. You?” he nodded, shrugging casually. “Yeah, perfect.”

I felt the red burn my cheeks as I cleared my throat and tried to disappear in my pint.

 “Hello!” A high-pitched voice came from my left. Aaron scrunched his face in annoyance, I laughed at him, shaking my head. He rolled his eyes, sending me a quirky grin before we turned to the voice.

“Hey Pearl” I smiled, getting up to give her a quick hug. Pearl gasped and waved her hand near her face like a fan, “Oh Robert! Such a gentleman,” Aaron snorted in his pint, while Pearl glared at him, “You could learn a lot from this, young man,” laughing, I gave him a smug look as he glared at Pearl then me.

I shrugged and looked back to see the people behind Pearl, standing awkwardly. I cleared my throat, Pearl startled and remembered she had people trailing after her, “Oh yes! Robert, this is Paddy and his wife, Rhona. They run the vets down the road and I’m their receptionist,” she introduced, proudly. I held out my hand to Paddy first and then Rhona, “It’s nice to meet you,” I smiled politely at them, “I’m Robert, Diane’s Step-Son as well as Vic and Andy’s brother.” Paddy nodded, recognising me while Rhona smiled.

“Sorry. I only moved in the village a few years back.” I nodded, glancing back at Aaron before turning back to her, “Well, looking forward to getting to know you…I love animals so it’s great to know the vets of the village,” I shot them a winning smile. Paddy laughed and patted my back, “You can come to visit anytime you like. Been looking for some volunteers who would like to keep the animals company and maybe walk the dogs that can walk, of course,” he stumbled around his words, rubbing his hands together.

 I stared at him. Awkward seems to be his default. The vet was an overweight, bald man with glasses and a friendly face; he was wearing grey trousers, a blue checked shirt and a black jacket. Rhona had light brown hair which is tied tightly in a ponytail, her face set as an almost harsh setting but the harshness is toned down when she smiles; Rhona was wearing a green shirt, jeans and a brown coat, zipped up to her waist.

“I would love to volunteer. Always wanted a dog myself,” I shrugged, watching their reactions. Pearl was a shower of happiness as the vets grinned in joy. “Great! When can you start?” Eyes to the ceiling, racking my brain to see when I’m free before remembering my once busy life has disappeared. I sighed, wiping my face in resignation. I do miss doing something but this volunteering sounds amazing.

“I’m free whenever.” Rhona smiled, grasping Paddy’s shoulder, “How does tomorrow sound? Is it too soon?” she asked worriedly. I shook my head, grinning. Paddy jumped in excitement, “Brilliant! See you tomorrow, Rob,” he waved as he was pulled to the bar by his wife. Pearl was also a picture of enthusiasm, “Oh! I can’t wait! I shall bring in my lemon cake tomorrow. Welcome you in Pearl’s style,” she smiled, clapping her hands together. She jumped suddenly, “Well, I better be off. Got a cake to bake. Bye boys” and off she goes.

I blinked once, before sitting down and took a gulp from my pint. Aaron grinned at me, “So, you’re working with my Dad?” I freeze in shock. He started to laugh, “Joking. Well, not really. He’s like a Dad to me. I used to live with him before living here. He used to date my Mum and I stayed while she moved.”

My eyebrows went high as I stared at him, “And I thought my family was complicated,” I saw Aaron’s shoulders raised, ready to protect his family from my judgment. I quickly said, “I guess, it’s nice to find someone who is like a Dad to you. I wish…” Sighing, I drank what was left of my pint and looked at his, “Wanna another?” I was walking to Diane before he could answer.

“2 pints again, please.” She nodded towards Aaron as she poured our drinks, “Everything alright?” I smiled, “Yeah, he’s great…I’m just a moron as usual,” she chuckled, handing over the drinks and accepted the money I gave her. “All humans are, Sweet pea but it looks like our Aaron is liking your moron charm.” Grinning at me, gave me my change and walked away like she’s done her duty as a Fairy Godmother or something.

Before I could go back to Aaron, my eyes glanced at that damn photo of Jack. I remember one day; he took me to the park. I was around 5-6, we played football all day and got chips and ice cream for dinner. We laughed and smiled all the way home afterwards. It was the best day of my life. The only time Jack took me out, laughed with me and had a good time.

It was the first and last time he showed he cared.

Suddenly jolted from my memories, I quickly grabbed the drinks and brought them to our table. Aaron, with worry written across his face, took the drinks and placed them on the table. He then put his hand on top of mine, and held it, stopping the trembling I did not notice until now.

Avoiding his stare. I couldn’t look away from our hands. He held my hand, tenderly and doing a circling motion with his thumb on the back; I sighed before squeezing my thanks. I looked up to smile at him, noticing the way he was gazing at our hands almost…longingly.

The bell rings out for last drinks and we were both snapped out of ours heads. Aaron coughed awkwardly, letting go to grab his pint and took a swig. I smiled at him fondly, taking a slip of mine, “Better get drinking, huh?” he nodded, sending me a lopsided grin, “Yeah…Bet I can beat you,” I narrowed my eyes, “Game on then, Dingle.”

…

Aaron won…Git.

Chapter Text

Chapter 12

I got to the vets around 10am due to my excitement of meeting the animals. One of the friends, who let me sleep on their couches, had a dog and he was a Godsend. A black Newfoundland dog but more like a bear, with their strong build and thick hair; I cuddled that dog to death too many times to count! I do believe animals have the best healing powers when you are feeling low; the dog, Gunner, always allowed me to bury my face in his coat and even let me hide my tears when the nights came.

So, anyway…I get distracted by animals, can you blame me though?!?

Paddy, as his normal awkward, babbling self, let me in and brought me to the kennels. He introduced me to the animals and then said what needs to be done with each pet. He excused himself and informed me, Pearl was running back to her house to get the lemon cake. “Thanks for that, mate! Missed her cakes.” He waved and walked into his office.

I sighed before looking at the animals. There was Sharon, a 2-year-old female Border Collie, who was in for a broken leg after being involved in a nasty car accident; all she needs is some TLC. A 8-month old male Poodle, goes by the name of Harry, and he was is in for his neutering…Poor pup! All I have to do with Harry is play with him and just give him lots of cuddles. I can totally do that!

A 9-year-old, male Bull terrier was in for ringworm but is now healthy and waiting for his parents to pick him up. His name is James and my plan for him is to give him a walk at lunchtime. Lastly, a 4-year-old male Labrador named Thor. He was abandoned by a barn nearby and nearly dehydrated; luckily someone brought him in! Paddy has got me on the task to spoil him while he makes a few calls to adoption centres.

The moment my eyes met Thor’s, I knew he was a special dog. He was a beautiful golden colour, dark brown eyes, and had the most loving look on his face…`I wonder if Andy would be alright having a dog? ` I smiled at the thought.

It’s been 2 hours and I just came back from walking James. As I hanged up his lead, the door opened and Aaron came in with two cups which smelt like Yorkshire tea. Paddy walked in, whistling, obviously gotten some work done after enjoying Pearl’s mouth-watering Lemon Slice, “Oh! Aaron. Is that for me?” Paddy asked, surprise in his tone. Aaron shook his head sheepishly before noticing me, a small smile gradually appeared on his face and gave me one of the cups, I accepted and let the warmth heat up my hands. “Thanks, Aaron,” I grinned at him, Aaron shrugged, “Don’t mention it.” I spotted a bit of crimson forming on his cheeks; my heart almost burst as I smiled into my tea, `What a lovely sight`, I sighed.

I looked away, “Do you want to see my future dog?” Aaron looked at me, puzzled. I grinned before leading him to Thor, “Hello handsome! I know, you’re very cute, aren’t you? Yes, you are.” I am man enough to admit I use a baby-voice to Thor but hey. How can you not?

Aaron laughed, “I guess, you are not talking to me,” he looked at Thor, reaching out to scratch behind the ears; Thor groans in happiness, one of his legs starts thumping on the ground. We all chuckled, as Thor licks Aaron’s hand and then, yawning, goes to lay down.

“How are you going to get Andy to agree to this?” Aaron wondered, narrowing his eyes in thought. I pinched the bridge of my nose, I had no idea but this is it. Thor is such a lovely dog, house trained, obedient when he decides to be, friendly and amazing. He holds himself proudly, and even though, his previous owners neglected him and left him to die, he stills wags his tails, wants all your attention and gives you the most loving look.

I shrugged, “no idea but I guess, he’s going to get a surprise later on,” Aaron laughed in disbelief, looking at me, with almost admiration in his eyes. “What?” I smiled at him before turning to Paddy, who disappeared to return with papers…adoption papers. The vet happily passed me a pen and the papers, “Isn’t it great, Aaron? Thor just came in 3 days ago and he already has a home,” Paddy grinned, as Pearl came around the corner, “Oh! That beautiful dog got a home already? My! This is great news! Aaron, love, would you like any cake before these boys eat it all?” Pearl smiled at the mechanic, Aaron nodded, politely before looking back at me and Paddy, “Are you people mental? What if Andy says no?” I shook my head, letting Paddy explain while I fill out the forms, `Dog food, a bed, toys, a lead, collar, vet bills…I need to get a job. ` A quiet groan interrupted Paddy’s explanation of how Andy cannot say no to Thor’s face, they quickly turned to me, “What’s up, mate?” Paddy asked, snatching a slice of Pearl’s cake, which was being held by pearl, who shot Paddy a disapproval glare and then offered the rest to Aaron.

The mechanic picked up his slice with a thanks, before turning back to me again. I shrugged one shoulder, uselessly, “I can’t have Thor…Andy would love him but I need a job. Dogs need supplies and vet bills…I can’t put it all on Andy.” Glumly, I put the pen down and wiped a hand down my face, hiding my disappointment, “Maybe next time, eh Pads?” Putting on a weak smile for them, turning to sigh sadly at Thor.

Silence meets my admission. I did not want to see their pity or worse, I didn’t want them to see my bitterness.

Suddenly, a cry of exhilaration broke the silence. I spun on my heel to see Pearl clapping excitedly, Paddy and Aaron staring at her like she’s gone mad. “Robert! I have an idea. It’s up to you, of course and Paddy,” she breathed, trying to calm herself down before explaining, “I’m going to visit my grandson, Owen, in Hong Kong, for the next 3 months. I am leaving this Sunday and Paddy will need to look for a new receptionist…how about you take over while I’m gone? It’s a really good job, Paddy and Rhona are lovely as you know and then you'll have money to look after Thor.” She beamed, looking like she solved a mystery or two.

Paddy looked like he was lost in thought, Aaron was smiling, nodding and looked at me questioningly, “What do you think, Pads?” Aaron asked for all of us. Paddy glanced at Pearl’s hopeful face and mine, which was trying to keep on a mask but I bet some yearning was showing as he threw his hands up in the air and shouted, “Fine! You start next Monday…Pearl will show you the ropes for the rest of the week, I don’t know if you have any experience as a receptionist but I think you will do great.” Paddy paused, a grin growing on his face and patted my shoulder, “Welcome to the team, Robert. Now, hurry up and fill in the adoption papers, you now got an application form to fill out too.” I smiled at him, grateful and pulled him into a one armed hug before hugging Pearl. Walking up to Aaron, I threw an arm around his shoulders, “Things are looking up,” A smile stuck on my face.

Pearl buzzing around happily, going back to her desk to answer the phone, Paddy goes back to his office with a hop in his walk and Aaron looked at me cheerfully, “Yes, they are,” his eyes met mine, glancing down to my lips before going back up to my eyes. I shook it off, squeezed his shoulder and went off to fill out the forms, smiling at Pearl, who dropped the application form on the table. She winked, then goes back to talking to a customer.

Filling out the forms, I felt a hand massaging my neck gently. I groaned and pushed into the touch, while trying to write out my address, “You are very distracting, you know that?” I moaned at Aaron, hearing his laughter as he dropped his hand to the desk, leaning his body over me and looking over my shoulder to glance at the papers, then at me, “I can help you with Thor sometimes if you like. I used to have a dog and he was one in a million…” Aaron stopped; feeling him pull away from me, I quickly grabbed his hand.

“Thor can always have two daddies, Aaron.” I smirked at him, tracing shapes on his hand before letting go, looking at his shocked face.

I huffed out a laugh, signing my signature on the application, `all done! ` I celebrated by stretching my right hand from all the writing it did and gazed at Aaron’s face.

His lopsided grin was the answer I needed.

“Looks like we are parents, Mr Sugden.”

“Looks like we are, Mr Dingle.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 13

Hearing the door open, I quickly got up to greet my brother, “Hello bro! How was your day? Here. Let me take your coat.” Almost ripping the jacket off his body, I hanged it up and turned around to be met by Andy’s suspicious look. I gave him a confused stare, “What have you done?” Andy asked, apprehensively before looking around, trying to spot the reason why I am being weird.

I’m not being weird, am I? I am just being a loving brother, asking how his day is, taking his coat and being polite. How am I being weird?

…Okay. Maybe a bit shifty.

“No idea what you are talking about,” I scurried to stand in front of Thor, the big lump, who decided the sofa is his bed. `I need to get him a bed. ` Reminding myself, I glanced behind me to make sure the dog stayed put and hurriedly looked back to Andy, grinning at him innocently.

Andy sighed impatiently, folded his arm and started to tap his foot on the floor, “I know you have done something, Robert. You are acting nice. You are not nice.” I glared at him, putting my hands on my hips and was going to defend myself but got interrupted by a bark.

“WOOF!”

I froze.

“I can explain.”

“…You got a dog.”

 Thor yawned, stretching out his limbs before jumping off the sofa to meet Andy. Wagging his tail, he gave Andy a sniff, he then nodded his approval at me and sat down on my foot. Okay, call me crazy but I promise you, that dog just nodded at me.

I had to pat him, smiling at Thor happily. Yes, Robert Sudgen is smitten.

Andy cleared his throat.

`Oh no. The serious face. ` I groaned, looking at Thor helplessly before grinning, “This is Thor, your new nephew. Thor, this is your uncle Andy, say hi.” I knelt down to lift his paw gently to wave at Andy, who was trying not to smile but was doing a poor job of it. Thor started to lick my face, as I put his paw down, “Enough, Thor!” I laughed, standing up, wiping my face and sighed, petting his head, “You’re a good boy,” I crooned to the happy mutt with his tail going wild.

Andy chuckled, “He is…and you like him, don’t you?” He sighed, his body already showing his weakness, “You need to get him stuff, how are you going to afford it? I would but I’m already having to pay for two people, Robert. I don’t mind but you know what farmers earn and it isn’t enough.” I smiled, almost jumping on the spot, excited to tell my brother the great news, “I got a job!” Andy gawped, “What? How did-Where?” He stumbled with his words, astonished by my news. “At the vets. As the receptionist. Pearl is going to visit her son for 3 months, she leaves this Sunday and I start the very next day…I’m learning what to do at the moment…She’s very nice.” I explained, leaning against the back of sofa with my hands in my trouser pockets and a hairy mutt laying on my feet.

Andy started to smile, “When you want something, you really do go after it.” He sighed, looking at Thor fondly before throwing his hands up in the air, “Oh, go on then.” Andy relented, shaking his head at me. I grinned carelessly, probably looking like a right nutter but `Oh, well. ` Minding the dog between us, I pulled Andy into a one armed hug quickly, then called Thor to feed him in the kitchen.

`Thank God, Paddy had some leftovers. ` I thought, relieved as I poured some dry dog food into a bowl and gave it to one hungry dog, watching Thor wolf the food down, wide eyed. In 3 minutes, the food was gone and Thor looked at me with his big adorable eyes, begging for more, “No.” I felt like Mr Bumble, in the story of Oliver Twist; I frowned, shrugging my shoulders and decided to cook dinner.

3 hours later, at 10:15pm, all three of us are chilled out on the sofa but both me and Andy are being pushed into the sides, uncomfortably with a dog spread out in between us, snoozing peacefully. We were catching up on our Breaking Bad, stuffing ourselves with popcorn and quietly laughing at each other’s small jokes; it was nice. Relaxing…or relaxing as can be with a dog’s head on your lap, snoring the evening away. Andy had the best part, Thor’s backside! By the way Andy keeps on screwing his face up in disgust, my wonderful dog is letting rip…What a good boy!

Soon, Andy gave into his body’s demand for sleep, yawning and offered to make us some tea before we go up. I followed him with Thor at my heel, letting the dog out to do his business and then closed the door after he came back in. “Who’s the best boy in the world? Thor is, yes he is.” I was coated with slobber for my compliments, both Thor and Andy was grinning at me as I wiped my face in dismay, `Great. Teaming up against me already. ` I sighed, reaching for Thor’s water bowl to fill it up again before putting it back down by the back door, “Where is he going to sleep?” I wondered, glancing down to the sleepy dog.

A sigh, “Okay. He can sleep in your room but just until you go dog shopping, alright?” Andy gave me a stern face and Thor one too for good measures. I grinned, “Yay! Did you hear that boy? We are having a sleepover…How about we go dog shopping tomorrow with your other Daddy. Sounds good, Thor?” I asked, laughing at the dog’s wagging tail, it never seems to stop.

“Other Daddy?”

“Err…”

“Thor has another parent then. Who’s the Daddy?” Andy asked, eyes shining with humour and a hint of confusion.

I looked down at the floor awkwardly, kneeling down to hide my embarrassment by burying my head into Thor’s neck, breathing him in, `Adding dog shampoo to the list, Mayday ` I quickly moved my face away and stood up, patting Thor on the head, nicked some paper from one of the notebooks Andy keeps on the shelve above the sink and jotted what I need to get at the pet shop.

• Shampoo!!

• Dog bed

• Toys.

• Lead and collar…Also need to get a tag.

Writing this down, I forgot Andy’s question…It’s funny. I wanted to avoid it but ended up forgetting it anyway.

“Aaron,” I muttered, grudgingly.

“I knew it!” He grinned knowingly, wagging his eyebrows up and down, “You like him, don’t you?” I scoffed before pretending to go back to my list. `I don’t like him…yes, you do…Oh, shut up, heart! ` I groaned, annoyed at my heart’s confession; Andy hummed sarcastically, “Of course you don’t,” he rolled his eyes, “Oh c'mon, mate! Everyone with eyes can see you and Aaron have chemistry. I say go for it, why are you fighting it?” I had to clench my jaw until my teeth hurt in order to stop myself from yelling out the obvious reasons why: Aaron was way out of my league, how I need to sort my life out first before jumping into a relationship and how I have no idea to love someone the way they deserve. I’m trying to make a difference, the cancer took half of me when I went into remission, I’m a shell of who I was and maybe that’s a good thing but I miss my confidence. My self-worth. And not having to constantly look at Andy, Victoria and Diane to remind me why I’m still living.

I can barely deal with myself.

How on earth am I meant to let Aaron take on the burden?

I have to because of my family.

Aaron does not.

Lucky him.

Chapter Text

Chapter 14

“Paddy,” I started, dreamily, “I’m in love with you,” Pearl and Rhona was laughing their heads off as I confessed my undying love to the blushing vet, “No need for that…go on and treat that dog of yours.” Paddy said, tripped himself up to rush off to his office. Rhona giggled, “Aw, you scared him off.” I grinned, couldn’t believe the Kirks.

Not only are they letting me have Pearl’s job for the 3months, they have given me my pay check a month early so I can afford to get the necessary items for Thor as well as the silly stuff, like toys and such. I really do appreciate them and Pearl too, of course. They are the kindest of human beings I’ve met, probably because they been around animals for too long though…People can learn a lot for animals…mainly how they don’t judge anyone for who they are, it’s either I love/hate you or I’m going to eat you, no matter what.

Anyway, I got my phone out, “Going to call Aaron, see if he wants to come.” I shrugged, Rhona whistled, Pearl giggled and I gave them the evils.

“Hey,” Aaron answered, “you alright?” I smiled at the concern in his voice before it was quickly wiped up with a thought, `Probably worried about Thor. ` I coughed, being jealous of a dog is not the way Robert Sugden rolls. Shaking myself off, “Yeah, everything is fine. Just wondered if you were free today?” My hands were trembling, and as confident as people may think I am, my voice also shook a bit. The man is a trouble maker, I could tell.

“Er, I’m at work until 1…Why?”

“Going dog shopping. Can’t neglect your kid now, Aaron. He is for life.” I said in a matter-of-fact tone, I heard the ladies behind me crooning and I waved a hand at them to calm them down, glaring. Rhona shot me a cheeky grin, walking off the kennels and Pearl giggled again, patted my arm and walked off to do God knows what.

A laugh huffed through the phone, “Well, guess I can make it. Are we bringing Thor? I can borrow a car if so.” I smiled, “Sure. There’s a pet shop in Hotton, that allows animals in there.” We sorted out what time and meeting place before hanging up. I sighed, looking at the clock, I have 3 hours till 2pm which is when we decided to me, near the pub. I shouted out a thanks to the vets, walking out to get myself and Thor ready for our day out.

3 hours later, I found myself stuck in a car with a dog slobbering over my shoulder, a smug Aaron and a radio blaring out awful music…needless to say, this is going to be a trip!

“I’m the driver so my choice of music,” Aaron smirks, driving as if he is a racer or something, “I know you are, Aaron but with the way you drive, I will not be surprised if we end up in an accident and I can tell you right now, Jay Z was not the singer I imagined listening to on my last day on Earth.” I stated, grinning at his scowl, “Whatever.” He muttered, turning into a roundabout. I held on tight to my seat, closing my eyes tightly, “I know I haven’t known you for long, Thor but remember, I’ve always loved you.” My voice quavered as the car went round the roundabout before exiting on the second turn, “Oh, shut up!” Aaron glared, “I’m not that bad!” I looked at him, as if he was the Mad Hatter, “You must be in another car then, mate. Me and Thor are wetting ourselves here!” Thor was whining in the backseat, and his front paws were covering in his eyes. See! Someone was taking me seriously, `Good dog. ` I slowly released my grip on my seat and patted the nervous dog’s head, trying my best to calm his nerves.

Aaron’s pissed off face is actually quite scary. I admired it for a moment before poking his cheek, he glanced at me, shocked, “What?” I smiled at him, “You look hot when you are angry but I prefer you when you’re smiling.” I confessed, with a hint of flirting in my voice. Aaron was stunned into silence, I laughed and went back to looking out the window.

Soon, we parked the car in Pets at Home carpark. I quickly got out of the car, patting my body to make sure I still have body parts and then done the same to Thor before sighing in relief, “We made it.” I slide down the car to sit on the ground, Aaron stared at me weirdly, I give him a goofy smile, “We made it.” I repeated, hugging Thor close to my chest. He licked my face as Aaron’s face turned grumpy and began to march towards the shop. We watched him go in, I laughed quietly before getting up, “Come on.” We headed to the shop and it begins.

“Right, this food sounds brilliant.”

“Awesome.”

“Take him forever to get through this bone.”

“He will probably be bored to death 2 minutes in.”

“How about this bed?”

“It’s pink.”

“So?”

“You can’t get a male dog a pink bed, Robert.”

“Didn’t know you were a sexist, Aaron.”

Okay, I was messing with him there but he is so easily ruffled and it’s hilarious. At the end of the day, Thor has been spoiled…What an understatement!

A brown bed for him to snuggle in, 2 green bowls for his food and water, a black leather collar with sliver bones pattern on it and a lead to match, a circle shaped sliver tag with my name and address encrusted on it, a few bones, dental sticks and we kind of went crazy the toys…mainly Thor, who kept trying to get this hippo squeaky toy off from the hook. Aaron grabbed the grooming materials and Thor’s food…We were unsure what to get until this helpful sales assistant pointed us in the right direction of Eukanuba's Best Adult Dry Dog Food. Labradors tend to put on weight easily for some reason so this food has a certain ingredient, which helps them burn off the fat naturally. This will also help keep Thor’s joints and heart healthy.

Oh! And a treat for my siblings of course. Insert evil laugh. Aaron actually thought of the plan…He is good looking but I’m so amazed by his mind and his personality, it’s getting difficult to resist. Back to the noteworthy plan or prank, should we call it? Buying the terrible two a biscuit each at the charity baking shop in the shop because I’m a loving brother. The truth is the biscuits are not actually meant to be for humans.

I looked at Aaron, proudly, “You, my friend, are incredible.” I put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. The mechanic cleared his throat, blushing, “Shall we get going then?” He pushed the trolley, which held all our stuff to the car; I watched him go longingly before shaking myself off. I glanced at Thor, who was sniffing the air, looking all cute. I sighed, `Surrounded by adorable men. What am I going to do? ` Whistled to Thor, I led him to the car and opened the door to him, fitted the dog belt on the seat and around him, closed the door and walked over to my side and got in. Aaron started up the car after checking Thor and I was secure, “please, take it easy.” I begged, actually fearing for all our lives, Aaron glared, “would you like to dri-” I jumped at the chance, “YES!” He shook his head at me, and carried on driving.

I flumped down into my seat in disappointment but I knew it was the right thing to do. Even though, Aaron was a fast driver, his name was on the insurance so if we did get into an accident, it will get easily sorted. However, if I was the one driving, the police will have to take action and I would have a hefty fine to pay up for.

Watching Aaron drive was interesting to say the least. His blue eyes fixed on the road, blinking occasionally, his tongue unconsciously poked out to swipe his lips, his eyebrows slightly raised in concentration and his posture was straight, relaxed but focused on what he was doing. It was a beautiful sight. The past months, I have seen so many sides to Aaron Dingle, it excites me to know there are still more to come.

“What?” I snapped out of my thoughts to see Aaron glancing back and forth to me and the road. Self-conscious, I wrapped my arms around my waist and turned my body to face to the window, “Nothing.” I noticed him looking at me for a couple of seconds curiously before focusing on the road.

We made it into Emmerdale without any mishaps.

“You are going to be the murderer of a defenceless dog and his poor handsome owner. I hope you will be able to live with yourself.”

“I'll try my best not to hurt Thor but they'll probably thank me for you."

After that peaceful way home, Aaron helped me move Thor’s new stuff into the house. After sorting out where everything shall go; the dog bed by the wall near the kitchen, the bowls replacing the temporary plastic ones by the back door, the toys in a box by his bed, his collar fitted comfortably around his neck, the lead hanged up with the coats, his bones and grooming materials in one of the cupboards in the kitchen above the toaster and his food place in one of the cupboards underneath. Lastly, I have the two dog biscuits for Vic and Andy on 2 plates and rested them on the dinner table for them.

I grinned at Aaron, “Thank you, mate. I…We had a great time.” Referring to me and Thor, Aaron smiled, “My pleasure. I had fun too besides your nagging, of course.” I rolled my eyes, shoving him roughly, “If you drove slower…” “…we wouldn’t have made it home by now and I don’t know you but I’m staving.” Aaron stretched, shirt lift up slightly, my eyes wandered until skin disappeared from view.

I looked away but not quick enough, judging by Aaron smirk. I shrugged, “Would you like some tea?” Arron shook his head, “I better get home. Mum is probably going mad with worry and I can’t be bothered with her questions.” His tone all gruff, showing his annoyance but I could see it was mostly an act, I smiled and leaned against the wall by the front door, “I guess, I see you around then.” I opened the door for him, he looked outside for the moment, “Don’t forget to tell me their reactions.” I laughed, patted him on the back twice, “I won’t, promise.” We carried on smiling at each other until Aaron shook himself off, “Well, see ya.” He paused to squeeze my shoulder gently before leaving.

I watched him walk away, sighing and thumped my chest harshly, trying to stop my stupid heart from fluttering all over the place. Shaking my head, I closed the door.

…

“Oh! You got us something.” Victoria gasped, surprise in her eyes while Andy was busy between eyeing up the biscuits hungrily and looking at me, distrustfully. I put on an annoyed face, “Yeah. I can be nice sometimes, you know?” I grumbled, inside I was laughing in glee; Andy and Vic stared at me before glancing at each other, shrugging and took a bite of their biscuits.

Immediately, they spat it out of the table and raced to the sink for a glass of water. I was roaring with laughter, actually collapsing to the floor in delight and watched them gulping water down their throat, obviously trying to vanish the taste of dog biscuits. Wiping the tears from my cheeks, and clutching my stomach, which was hurting from laughing too much, I grabbed the table to boost myself up to be point of Vic’s and Andy’s glares.

I grinned, “That’s for ruining a perfect mug of coffee.”

The intensity of their glares made me want to run but I held my ground, I will not be defeated.

“Oh, it’s on, Robert. Just you wait.”

`I am not scared. `

Chapter Text

Chapter 15

It’s one of those days, where darkness overshadows the light, happiness cannot be found and energy has suddenly disappeared too. A grey cloud above me, refusing to go, no matter how many times I try to bat it away or a certain concerned brother comes up to see if I am okay. Since the cancer and then becoming homeless, I started to have these days; this unbearable weight on my shoulders and a cave of bad thoughts inside my head, threatening to beat all the hope left in me.

Thor was lying beside me, on the floor as I dozed my day away. He is a good dog, hasn’t left for side since this morning when Andy had to force him down to do his toileting. I sighed, rubbing my swollen, bloodshot eyes with a fist before turning from my back to the side, facing the window.

No sun, only rain. `How fitting. ` I thought, numbly as my eyes followed the trails of raindrops slide down the glass. Depression is a harmless word but it’s what it does to people, which make it unsettling. With both anxiety and depression, you are all over the place but cannot do anything about it; you’re a zombie basically, trying to chase the humans out of your tome but instead of humans, you are really chasing your demons out of your head…Well, die trying.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in the early stages of my cancer and was treated in the kinds of therapists and group meetings. I hated both, group meetings especially, not only is a hawk lookalike trying to spilt open my head for all my thoughts but I had to face 20 pairs of eyes staring at me, judging me as we all held hands and shared our darkest thoughts…

Truthfully, we all sat in a circle on plastic chairs in a hall, walls decorated with children paintings of the hospital. I supposed, it was meant to be heart-warming but I felt sick to the bone. No one held hands, we pretty much scrunched up into ourselves and barely opened our mouths. Some did, for example, 56-year-old Mikey, suffered from depression and stomach cancer, spoke about his problems openly, but I guess, when you don’t have much time to say what you want, you would be talking a lot. The therapist, who always stated her leadership by standing in the middle, had a stick with 1 leave still hanging on and she used it as the talking stick. I always snatched it from the person giving it to me and quickly passed it to other person like it burnt, the glares I got from the therapist were unnerving but I shrugged it off.

The other therapist sessions were okay, happened in a small office room, shelves piled up with books and the walls covered in posters of mostly all the mental illnesses you can think of. However, my therapist would walk in and the atmosphere would tense up, temperature drops to the negatives even though it’s sunny outside and I immediately felt on edge. Doctor Vince was a kind woman, always there to listen and be there but her eyes looked right through you, like she could see everything you never wanted anyone to find out. Her diagnosis of depression and anxiety was unwanted and denial grabbed me off the shelve of madness and stuck me on to this trail of safety.

Or at least what I thought would be safe. Denial never helps anyone sadly, it won’t make everything vanish, it just causes more complications and adds to the stress of things. I ended up in a bad way. Luckily, an old man was able to stop me but at the time, jumping was the only way to stop feeling like this.

Andy has arranged for a doctor’s appointment next Wednesday and I’m hoping everything will go alright. I need help, not only for me but for my family and also I got a kid now to worry about. Thor has gotten up without me noticing, walking over to me, to place his head by mine and licked me once on the cheek before leaning his head on the bed and giving me the puppy eyes. I sighed, “You need the bathroom, don’t ya?” His bark and wagging tail was all the answer I needed.

I groaned, slowly rising my body from the warm cocoon I made and slipping my feet into the pink fluffy slippers Vic bought me for a joke. I tiringly wiped a hand down my face, grabbed my dressing gown from the bed and sluggishly put my arms in the sleeves. Tying the gown around me, I unsteadily got up from the bed, feeling dizzy, I located the bedside cabin for balance.

Making sure I was up for it, I followed Thor’s whines to the back door and let him out. Decided to treat myself to a cup of tea, I saw a note by the kettle, “Hi bro, out working. I called Aaron to check on you. Andy.” I nearly dropped the mug, `Aaron is coming…He can’t…` I sighed heavily, putting the kettle on and paused my mind as I carried on the simple but seemingly exhausting chore of making tea.

Aaron was something. Feeling my heart beginning to speed up and the stupid butterflies going wild in my stomach, I shook my head. Nothing good is going to come out of this.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Not my day today.” I muttered, hands going into fists in annoyance before sighing in despair and then walked over to let the dashing mechanic in.

He looked at me, worriedly, stepping in after I held the door wider to let him in the warmth. I shook my head at him, walking back to the backdoor to let Thor in and greet his Daddy 2. I made him a cuppa, then left it on the coffee table in the living room. Not looking to see if anyone followed me, I fell into the sofa and snugged into the arm, pressed the on button for the TV to come on and gave him the buttons as he sat down beside me.

We stayed like this for an hour. Me snugged into the sofa on the right side, calmly watching the screen but not taking anything in and Aaron, who was mainly watching me and protectively holding on to one of my ankles while stroking Thor’s back with the other hand.

I sighed, reaching for the buttons to mute the TV, “I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. It just gets too much…”, a tear slides down without permission, I quickly wiped it away in anger, “I can’t see an out. I don’t deserve any of this…my family is giving me a second chance, I got the dog I always wanted and you…I got you.” I’ve given up wiping my tears, letting them fall shamefully, “This blackness becomes me and I can’t find a way out, Aaron. I turn into this nothing.” I was able to gasped out, crying and trying to hide this but a hand grabbed me and pulled me into comforting arms.

Warmth. Security. And the smell of oil and apples. I nuzzled his chest, arms tighten themselves around me and a face nuzzled back on my shoulder, my hands held his t shirt firmly and I felt so tired.

Aaron leaned back into the sofa, running a hand through my blonde hair gently, working his way through the knots and whispered, “Go to sleep Rob. I’m here.” I was laying on him, with my face burrowed into his neck, my hands still holding on to him, my legs were entwined with his and strong arms wrapped around my waist tenderly.

I sighed quietly.

...

“Thank you, A.”

“It’s my pleasure, Rob.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 16

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock…

I was on the edge of my seat to either smash that damn clock to the ground or to run far away from this place as possible. I glanced up nervously at the people around me, sitting in the uncomfortable chairs like I am and trying to distract themselves with a magazine they just found or an app on their phone. I quickly brought my glare back to the ground, I felt Andy fidgeted beside me but ignored him and carried on burning my wrath into the floor.

We were at the doctors’ waiting room; the walls concealed in health and helplines posters, even the cabinet in front of Andy was covered in them. I was in front of the entrance door and next to me was the reception, who was going to call my name anytime now. I was doing my best to forget everything and everyone near, trying to blank out the loud heartbeat pounding through my entire body, the dry mouth, the sweaty palms and the shaking legs. `Nothing was happening. I’m okay. I’m okay…`

“Mr Robert Sugden! Room 4.”

I gasped, hands seizing my knees tightly, not noticing the pain as my nails started to dig into skin before Andy’s hand slowly appeared into my blurry vision and grasped my hand gently, moving it to be able to hold it reassuringly. I looked up to meet his eyes, he smiled encouragingly, and nodded.

Nodded back, I straighten my shoulders and put on my mask. Letting go of Andy’s hand, I grinned at the receptionist charmingly, “Thank you” I offered and stumbled off to find the room I was meant to go to, not looking at anyone in fear of judgement.

Finding the room was easy, it was going inside that was difficult. Shakenly sighed, I raised my fist to knock before a well-modulated voice spoke, “Come in.” Blinking, I grabbed the door handle and opened the door to be met by an Asian woman, wearing a white blouse and a navy blue knee length skirt with a thin red belt, her silky black curly hair was up in a tight pony tail and she was also wearing bold, black glasses and dark blue shoes. She was sat on a green chair, with a brown wooden desk in front of her, which was full with a neat pile of paper, a plastic tube, holding pens and a computer, she was using.

She politely smiled and gestured to the chair. Avoiding her stare, I sat down and continued to look around her office. The room was small, creamed coloured setting, holding a sink, a cupboard above it, shelves with files and books black upon them, an exam table and weighing scales. The walls had some posters, but my mind couldn’t pay close attention to them.

Fear clutched me to the core. My vision started to blur, I felt the cold sweat going down my back and slowly appearing on my forehead, my heart trying to escape thorough the cage of my ribs, my breathing becoming hard to control and my body shaking…

I heard a voice speaking to me, but I couldn’t understand. My ears felt they were under water but suddenly a hand gripped mine, “It’s okay, Robert. You are not alone.” I gasped out, and held the unknown hand tightly, “Can you hear me, Robert?” I squeezed my eyes, and managed to nod, “Okay, count backwards from 100. It will help you steady your breathing.” Numbers flashed in my mind as I obeyed the voice.

Gradually, I was able to control my breathing and my vision came back. I inhaled deeply before letting go, my body collapsed in the chair and I felt like I was flying. “Well done, Robert.” Turning to the voice, I noticed the tears, which escaped without me noticing; I wiped them away, frustrated on how easily I lost it. The hand holding mine clasped comfortingly before escaping my loose grip, and I watched as the Doctor walked back to her seat and glanced at her computer screen before looking back at me, kindly, “I guess these panic attacks are the reasons you are here?” She queried, I nodded quickly, “Yes and depression…” The woman smiled at me politely, “Can I ask when these started?” I adjusted my position on the chair, uneasily, “9 months ago…I had cancer and then life happened.” She nodded, “My name is Doctor Sūn and I would like to help you. Can I ask, did you ever go to therapy?”

“Yes. It did not suit me.”

“Right. Well, as a suggestion…” She opened up a draw under the table, pulled out a leaflet and gave it to me. It was a small A5 leaflet, with a huge heading, ‘Macmillan: Getting support’, “They offer phone calls support if you do not want to do it face to face and email, if you find calling difficult. Most people in remission find it tough, getting back in the real world and all that. Macmillan can help.” I looked at the leaflet for a moment before nodding, unsure but willing to accept anything, fighting the urge to run out of the suddenly suffocating room.

“Also, I would like to give you something to help you handle the anxiety and depression. I’m going to prescribed you Citalopram. Starting with 10mg and then build up to 20mg, this will give you 58 tablets for two months. Please come back though when you need more or if this doesn’t suit you and I can prescribe you another antidepressant.”

She printed off the prescription, signing it before handling it to me. I smiled tiringly, “Thank you.” I was unable to show my gratitude well but I gave it my best shot. She smiled back, “No problem. I truly believe you will get through this, Robert.”

I shrugged, “I’ll try.” She came around the desk to shake my hand, “Coming here is the first step. The hardest step of all so well done and it was nice meeting you.” I shook her hand, “No, thank you for helping me through the panic attack and this.” holding up the prescription. Her face soften, “Good luck, Robert. Bye for now.” I nodded my thanks and waved before shutting the door behind me, speed walking to get out.

I stopped abruptly against Andy’s truck, putting my hands on the hood and started to count from 100 again, concentrating on my breathing. I felt a hand on my back, for support and found myself leaning into it, “Alright?” Andy asked, quietly.

`I did it. ` I thought, frozen.

“Yes, you did and I’m so proud of you, Rob.”

`Guess I said that out loud. ` I grabbed Andy into a hug of relief and love for everything he has done the pass month, “Thank you so much, Andy.” I felt him slap me gently on the back twice, “Your welcome,” he whispered before pulling away, grinning, “Come on, Mr Mushy! We need to get your prescription in and then get some grub, I’m starving!” I laughed, pulling my car door open and once he done the same, and started up the car, I turned on the radio…

Andy groaned but accepted his fate as I begun to sing with the Queen of music.

“Who run the world? Girls!”

Chapter Text

Chapter 17

“Will 3pm Wednesday be alright for you?” I asked, staring at Paddy and Rhona’s timetable and waiting for confirmation, “Yes, perfect. I will pencil you in and you’ll be seeing Rhona,” I smiled and quickly typed in the patient’s name by the correct day and time,” Okay, you are all booked in. Is there anything else I can help with? …Brilliant! See you Wednesday.” Placing the phone down, I checked the entry on the timetable before taking a sip of my coffee.

I slumped down my seat tiredly, wiping my face with one hand. It has been a long week since the doctors and only some side effects from the medication, (headaches and tiredness mostly), it does take a while for them to work but I’m willing to wait, even though it is difficult. Andy and Vic, at first, were coddling me like a right pair of mother hens; it was nice, having them at my beck and call. Who wouldn’t take advantage of that?

However, the four walls became too dull to stand, my legs were itching to walk and the fresh country air was shouting my name. Also, Paddy was wondering when I would be able to come in because Pearl has left and I’m meant to be filling in for her.

Diane has been a Godsend, phoning me to chat and bringing over apple pies. She even made me some vegetable soup I used to enjoy when I was younger, it brought old memories but nice ones, that I did not mind sharing with her and fondly chatting about the old days. Aaron has also been a hero, taking Thor on walks and coming round with tea and bacon butties. Aren’t I a lucky chap?

“You alright, Robbie?” I sneered at Rhona’s cheerful face, watched her as she laughed, “I’m good, Miss Piggy”, she scowled at me, I raised an eyebrow and chuckled when she walked off. Poor old Rhona had a bit of trouble with Zak Dingle’s pigs 2 days ago and ended up covered in mud and…Well, shit. Shaking my head, I looked over to the clock, `30 minutes to go before lunch break. ` I thought, patting my rumbling stomach reassuringly and decided to waste time by playing on BoredButton.com.

~

I breathed out a sigh of relief, walking away from the vets to Bob’s for a nice ham salad sandwich and a mug of coffee…Heaven! Hopefully, Brenda will be busy so she won’t feel the need to chat. I rolled my eyes at the thought of the woman, very kind but nosy as hell.

Stepping into the cosy café, I smiled at Bob maybe too desperately, “Hi Bob, can I have…?” He nodded, fondly, “Already on it, mate.” My body collapsed against the counter in relief, “You, Sir, are a lifesaver.” Passing him the money, he laughed, “I try.” I grinned him before taking notice of a certain handsome mechanic, the back of his head facing me, `Perfect!` I rubbed my hands together as my evil plan took place, slowly walking up to Aaron and raising my arms to grab his shoulders…

“Hi Robert.” A guff voice greeted me. My face fell and I dropped myself into the seat in front of the owner of said guff voice, “Got to ruin my fun, don’t ya?” I pouted, crossing my arms on top of the time, watching the man begin to smile, shaking his head at me, “Someone has got to. You’ll be out of control if I didn’t.” I gave him a half-hearted glare, before getting distracted, “Ohh! Coffee!”, just as Bob sets it down, “Remember! Hot!” Bob warns, with laughter in his eyes. I rolled my eyes, waving him away, “Yeah yeah.” Sniffed, unbothered as Bob walks away, chuckling.

“What was that about?” Aaron asked curiously.

“What?”

“That!”

“Er…I get very excited sometimes when someone gives my coffee and I forget it’s hot.” I mumbled, embarrassingly. Aaron looks at me for a minute before shaking his head again, letting out a snicker, “You really are something, Mr Sudgen.”

I felt my cheeks getting warm, quickly glancing away from the man in front of me, “Well,” shrugs, “we all got our weaknesses.”

“True. Very true. Though, I think you may need help with yours.”

“Are you judging me?”

“Yes.”

I stared at him blankly, “At least, you don’t lie. I’m happy, Aaron, are you really going to take away my happiness?” I held my mug protectively, just in case.

He held his hands up in a surrender position, “God no! I would hate to get in-between you guys…Who knows what you’ll do to me?”

I nodded, pleased, “Wise, Dingle. Hope for you yet.”

Aaron grinned before leaning forward a bit, his relaxed face becoming serious and concern in his eyes took over the humour, “Are you okay?” I licked my lips, nodding, “Yeah, little bit tired and willing to beg for my onesie and my bed but overall, I’m okay.” I sighed, my eyes flew up to meet his, “I want to say thank you.”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, I cautiously took a sip of my coffee before letting out a contented moan and enjoyed my coffee. I wiped my mouth happily, “You have been there with me all the way. I just…Thank you.” I managed to let out, holding my mug more out of comfort than need and miserably glared at the emptiness of it.

Someone cleared their throat awkwardly, I looked up to find Aaron, pale pink highlighting his cheeks and a lopsided grin, “Don’t know why you’re thanking me, mate. I’m just here for the dog.” I gasped, hitting his shoulder and trying to hide my smile, heart fluttering at the sound of his laughter. Aaron shook his head at me and drank the rest of his tea, “Don’t forget to eat.” With a pointed look, he asked Bob for a ham sandwich, after a nod from the café owner, Aaron smirked at my annoyance, “Someone has to take care of you.” I rolled my eyes, “Go to work, you mother hen.” The mechanic chuckled, knocked his fists on the table gently, “Pub tonight?” I nodded, watching him walk backwards, smiling at my agreement and saluted me before leaving.

I sighed before tucking into my beautiful sandwich, wonderfully made by Bob Hope, ladies and gentlemen.

~

Standing outside, I tugged on the bottom of my grey long sleeve shirt nervously. Still anxious around crowds but only a week has passed, `Patience, Sugden.` Unfortunately, patience was never my best skill. I smirked, amused at the many memories of having one-sided arguments with this one printer at my old job…To rest my case, it was the slowest printer known to man and ended up being smashed up by Mr Green, who was a supervisor and apparently had anger issues.

Losing my amusement, I huffed and walked forward, pushing the door to enter the pub. I smiled at Diane, who pointed happily next to me, where Aaron was sat, with two pints for company. He lifted his pint up in greeting before taking a slip, “You know, you looked like an alcoholic then?” I said, taking a seat and grasped my glass out of habit, taking in my surroundings just as a flash of black hair stopped me.

Chas Dingle. I somehow swallowed the bitter taste of regret, taking a slip of beer to help with the taste. I grimaced, “It’s not that bad.” Aaron said, hackles up to defend his mother’s pub, “No, no,” I raised my hands up in a surrender pose, “just need to do something quickly. Be right back, okay?” He looked at me curiously before shrugging, leaning back, “Hurry up though.” I grinned, “Alright, wifey.” I felt the heat of his glare on my back as I walked over to the bar, chuckling to myself.

Reaching the bar, Diane raised an eyebrow questioningly, “You alright, pet?” I nodded, “Yeah, em…I just need to talk to Chas for a minute.” The woman in question perked up at the sound of her name. Almost instantly, her face closed up at the sight of me, her eyes, distant and cold and her walk towards me was like a wolf preparing for a fight, “What?” Her voice showing off her suspicion and I watched as her arms crossed over her waist, defensively.

“I want to say sorry about what happened. You were hurt, and not in a good state of mind; I used that for my own amusement. It was wrong of me to do and I’m just very sorry.”

I silently prayed it was enough, my hands were trembling in my leather jacket’s pocket and I subtly took deep breaths through my nose to try and calm myself down. Feeling like all eyes were on me, panic was slowly taking over before a gentle voice calmly told me they were going to touch my shoulder, I nodded, fighting my way back to reality. Blinking furiously, I saw it was Chas who was comfortingly holding my shoulder, “You okay, love?” She asked, worriedly, I gave her a watery smile, “Yes…Thanks…Sorry.” She shook her head, “No problem at all, love. Can’t be helped, can it?”

Offering me a glass of cold water, she leaned against the bar, “It wasn’t a good day that one but I guess everyone has one of those. I forgive you but I’m not letting you off the hook, alright? I’ve heard you and my son have been hanging out recently. That’s fine but if you hurt him, I will ruin you. Are we clear?” Chas’ eyes sparked with fire, as her protective nature came through, “We’re clear.” I promised, feeling disgusted and scared at the possibility of hurting Aaron. The mother smiled, “Great. Now, off with ya! Before Aaron stabs me in jealousy.” I laughed before walking over to the mechanic, who was glaring at me, confused, “Why are you suddenly BFFs with my mum?” I grinned, taking a slip of my beer, which has sadly gone warm, “Making things right…now, how was the rest of your day?”