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Chapter Text

He was a poster on the back of my bedroom door. The bedroom door that I slammed in my parents’ faces when I’d had a shitty race. The bedroom door that I closed in my high school boyfriend’s face after he ripped my heart out of my chest. The bedroom door that I always came back to after a race weekend. He was a poster on the back of my bedroom door before he was naked and on top of me, making my heart beat as fast as his car on track.

“God, you have no idea how long I’ve dreamt of this,” I mumbled against his lips. He kissed me hard as he continued to thrust his hips against mine.

“I’ve been thinking about this all fucking season,” he groaned, dropping his lips to my neck.

I didn’t know what to say, how to tell him that he was my fantasy at 14 years old. That he was still my fantasy 8 years later. So I didn’t say anything at all. I just wrapped my legs around his waist and let his strokes send waves of pleasure through my body. The same man that was a poster on the back of my bedroom door.

“God, you’re so fucking wet,” he hummed. “So fucking good.”

I was good ? I wanted to be the best. Make him remember me, make him want me the way I always wanted him. I spread my legs further apart, giving him more access. He took it, his thrusts getting deeper and pushing against that sweet, sweet spot inside me.

“God,” I moaned, my nails digging into his back. “Daniel.”

“Again,” he mumbled against my neck. “Say it again.”

“Daniel,” I repeated, reaching my hand up into his hair. Those beautiful brown curls - the ones that matched his smiling eyes - that I always wanted to touch. They were soft around my fingers.

“Fuck. So fucking good,” he groaned, sucking at my neck.

His thrusts became erratic, sloppy. I gasped as his body shuddered and a warm liquid filled me. I breathed as he pulled away, a gush of juices following him out. I was left naked and dripping as he stood up and crossed the room. The shirt he had discarded on the floor 20 minutes prior found its way back over his head and his navy boxers came up over his thighs again.

“That was fun, Penn,” he smiled, jumping into his pants.

“Yeah,” I nodded, feeling exposed. I was the only naked person in the room now. I sat up and held my arms around my naked chest.

“I’ll see you at the race,” he smirked, walking back over to me. He cupped my face with his hand, running his thumb over my flushed cheek. “Thanks for keeping this quiet.”

I nodded and swallowed hard. Of course he wanted it to be a secret. “Of course. Wouldn’t want to start any rumors, would I?”

He winked and dropped his head to kiss my cheek. “Atta girl.”

As quickly as he had arrived at my hotel room he was slipping his shoes back on and leaving. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin against them. After him, something insatiable started in me. I was hungry for more. If I couldn't have Daniel, I’d find someone else to fill the void. I’d fuck the whole paddock if I had to.

Chapter Text

He looked so desperate, so miserable. I knew he would be after getting his seat signed away, ending his future in Formula One. And after a shitty race, he looked completely defeated. Of course, the hottest thing a man could be was pathetic. It helped that Alpine and Williams were staying in the same hotel. Being the reserved driver had its perks. All I had to do was smile real nice at James Vowles and ask where Logan was staying. Tell him I had found Logan’s paddock pass he left behind. The sucker fell for it and told me Logan’s room number in a heartbeat. I wiped my hands on my jeans before reaching up at knocking on the door.

“Oh, hey Penny,” he sighed as he opened the door.

“Hi, Logan,” I looked up at him before glancing down the hallway to make sure no one could see us. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” he opened the door wider and I stepped inside. He shut the door again and I reached out and slid the lock into place. “Penelope?”

“It feels like shit, doesn’t it?” I asked.

“What?” He choked out.

“Williams, they treat you like shit,” I clarified. “It’s not fair.”

He reached for the lock, “You should go.”

“They do the same thing to me,” I continued. “I know what it feels like to be at the bottom.”

“Why are you here?” Logan asked, dropping his eyes to the ground.

“Bring you to the top,” I said quietly. His desperate eyes met mine. “If you want.”

“Are you–” he paused and looked at the door again. “Are you seriously saying what I think you’re saying?”

I shrugged and put my hand on his chest. “Do you want me to be serious?”

He swallowed hard and looked me up and down. I stepped closer to him, sliding my hand up and over his shoulder. His eyes met mine again and he nodded. “Yes. I’d like that.”

I slipped my other hand over his shoulder and drew myself closer, until our bodies were almost pressed together. Logan closed the gap, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling me against him as his mouth met mine. He gripped at me tight, pushing me against the wall.

I kissed him harder and tugged his shirt up, willing it to come off on its own. He stepped away from me and yanked it over his head urgently before pulling mine off. He kissed me again, reaching for the button on my jeans. It came undone and I shuffled out of the denim before kissing him again. It wasn’t long before we were both stripped down, our warm, slick bodies pressed together horizontally on the bed.

“Fuck,” he groaned, pressing his mouth against my shoulder. “ Fuck .”

Logan wasn’t terrible; he was just sloppy. But he fucked for a long time, mumbling how good I was - how pretty I was. He was sweet, but in a sad, sort of self loathing kind of way.

I held his face and pulled his lips to mine again. I kissed him softly, the way I figured he was into. And I looked at him like I might fall in love with him, wide eyed and rosy-cheeked. “You’re a good man, Logan.”

That did it for him. He buried himself inside me and he came, panting and slick with sweat. “Jesus Christ, that was–”

“That was fun,” I smiled and patted his cheek. He pulled out and rolled onto his back, breathily heavily as he looked up at the ceiling. I got out of bed and retrieved my clothes.

“Are you leaving?” Logan sat up and watched me get dressed.

“I can’t stay, sweet thing,” I smirked and leaned over, pressing a kiss against his cheek. “Now, can I?”

“No, I guess you can’t,” he shook his head. “But, will you come back?”

I smiled at him and walked away, slipping my shoes on. “If you want me to.”

He nodded, “I would.”

I unlocked the door and rested my hand on the knob. “Then I guess I’ll be seeing you again.”

Chapter Text

It was a shit race. Esteban and Pierre both crashed out in the first half and retired. The double DNF was a bad look for Alpine. Everyone heard Pierre and Esteban cussing each other out in French in the paddock, not that they were really trying to keep their voices down anyway. When it got quiet after Esteban had stormed out, I approached Pierre’s driver room hesitantly.

“Hi,” I leaned against the doorframe with my hands behind my back.

“What the fuck do you want, Penelope?” He grunted, turning away from me. I stepped into the room and closed the door.

“Just figured you could use a little… anger management,” I shrugged.

“Yeah?” He laughed. “And what do you suggest?”

“I can take a good beating,” I smirked, pulling my hoodie off.

Pierre looked me up and down, his demeanor changing from hatred to lust. “What are you getting at, Penny?”

“You need to blow off some steam,” I shrugged before pulling my shirt over my head and staring him down. “I happen to be perfect for that.”

“Are you suggesting– here?” He asked, looking around the empty room.

I nodded and stepped closer to him. “I don’t mind.”

His eyes wandered down my body before he stepped toward me. “I have a girlfriend.”

“And I have a vault where I keep all my secrets,” I shook my head, running my hand down his chest. “I know for a fact you’ve fucked other people behind her back.”

“I– how did you know that?”

“I’ve slept in a hotel room directly on the other side of yours before,” I explained, lowering myself to my knees. “You’re not exactly quiet .”

He looked down at me and shook his head. “You’re fucking stupid, you know that?”

I tugged his fireproofs down below his hips and palmed him through the compression pants underneath. “And you’re already hard. What’s your point?”

He tossed his head back and gently put his hand on my head. “Fuck it. Just do it.”

I slipped my fingers around his waistband and tugged, freeing his erection from its cloth prison. Pierre was admittedly larger than I expected. “So that’s why they call you Tripod.”

He looked down at me again and fisted my hair. “Can’t handle it or what?”

“No,” I shook my head and batted my eyelashes. “I can.”

He gasped as I took half of him into my mouth with ease. He tasted salty with dried sweat and I regretted doing this post race. It didn’t stop Pierre from pushing deeper into my mouth, nudging his tip against the back of my throat. In all honesty, I zoned out. I bobbed my head and sucked obediently, listening to Pierre mumble in French and then give me the occasional praise in English. Then his thrusts got harder and I almost gagged. Until he twitched against my tongue and my mouth was filled with a warm and wet sensation.

Pierre tugged my hair back, pulling me off of him. He stared down at me and smirked. “Swallow.”

I did. It tasted bitter as it traveled down my tongue.

“Good girl,” he patted my cheek. I blushed and got off the floor, grabbing my shirt on the way back to my feet. I pulled it over my head as Pierre yanked his pants back up. “You know, you’re actually sort of pretty… when you’re on your knees like that.”

“Thanks,” I sighed, straightening myself out before stepping toward the door.

“No, thank you, Penelope,” he smirked.

“Don’t mention it.”

Chapter Text

“Fuck. Fucking God,” he panted, his rhythm unsteady and his back slick with sweat. “Jesus Christ.”

“You doin’ okay?” I smiled.

“You feel so good,” he praised, keeping his sloppy rhythm. “So good.”

“Logan,” I put my hand on his chest and pat once. He stopped and carefully pulled out.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. He looked defeated.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I shook my head and turned him onto his back. I straddle his lap and held my hands against his chest. “Just— let me do the work, okay?”

He swallowed hard and nodded. I guided him back inside me and rode him, a slow and steady pace. Logan’s hands came to my hips and he followed my movements.

“Jesus, Penny,” he breathed, his head falling back onto the pillow. I started breathing heavier, feeling the beginnings of an orgasm growing inside me.

“God, that’s good,” I hummed, picking up my pace. Logan’s grip tightened around my hips and I bit my lip to stay quiet. He didn’t need to know how much I fucking liked his hands on me like that. How I craved it before he texted me and asked me to come over. It’s what made me say yes.

“God, Penny,” Logan moaned, opening his eyes and smiling at me. “You’re fucking amazing.”

“Yeah, you’re doing really good too, Logan,” I nodded, dropping to kiss him. I swiveled my hips faster. “Actually, really good.”

“God, do you mean it?” He questioned as I brought my lips to his neck. I reached down and rubbed my clit while I rode him faster.

“Mhm,” I hummed against his neck. “I’m gonna- oh god.”

“Holy shit,” he groaned, thrusting his hips up. “Fuck, yes.”

I felt myself coming undone, matching his thrusts and rubbing my clit faster. “Oh God.”

I felt my body tending as my orgasm built. I could feel Logan bury himself inside me and finish, but I kept going, chasing my high. Logan moved his hand on top of mine and looked up at me with pleading eyes.

“Let me,” he requested. I moved my hand away as his replaced it. Immediately his thumb pressed perfectly against my clit. One thing about Logan Sargeant is that he’s got magic hidden in his fingertips. He’s never missed my clit, never needed correcting. And he wiggled his fingers perfectly inside me, pressing against that little spot hidden just inside my entrance that makes me squirm.

“ God, yes ,” I smiled through my moan, feeling my climax approaching. “Keep going.”

He complied, circling my clit faster. “Good?”

“Very,” I nodded, my eyes fluttering closed with pleasure. “You’re doing great.”

“Are you—“ he paused. “Gonna come?”

I nodded and put my hand on his chest. “I’m gonna come, Logan.”

He kept working, just right, until my body trembled and I released. It wasn’t the best orgasm of my life, but it still felt good. He pulled his hand away and I smiled down at him.

“That was fun,” I breathed.

“And now you’re going to leave?” He questioned.

I glanced at the door before looking back at him. “I can stay for a little bit, if you want.”

“Yeah,” he nodded quickly. “Please, stay.”

I slid off of him and laid next to him on the bed. He wrapped an arm around me, tugging me against him. I let my back press against his chest, feeling the warmth of him. “This is nice.”

He kissed my shoulder and traced his thumb over my stomach. “Thank you for staying.”

I reached my hand up and patted his cheek gently. “Yeah, Logan. Sure thing.”

Chapter Text

After Pierre, I figured it wouldn’t be long before Esteban sought me out. He pulled me into one of the conference rooms at the factory and locked the door before I could even say a word.

“Esteban?”

“Penelope,” he stared at me as he pulled the curtain down. 

“What’s up?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“I heard a rumor,” he smirked. “You’re sleeping with Sargeant.”

“I don’t really see how that’s any of your business,” I replied.

“I also heard you fucked Pierre after our incident last weekend.”

“And?” I shrugged. “What’s your point?”

“You really fucked Pierre before you got to me?” His eyebrow popped up.

“That’s what this is about?” I stuck my tongue in my cheek. “You just wanted a taste?”

He stepped toward me, a determined look on his face. He grabbed my face and brought his lips close to mine. “I want more than a taste.”

I pressed my lips against his and grabbed at his shirt. He got the hint, yanking it over his head before reaching for my pants. He slipped his fingers inside my underwear, pressing them against me while he worked my pants down my legs with his other hand. He bent me over the table and slipped his fingers into his mouth.

“You taste good,” he smirked, slipping his wet fingers back inside me.

“Thank you,” I breathed, holding back a moan. I didn’t want to admit how good it felt, the way he curled his fingers inside me. I put my forehead against the table and spread my legs a little. This was good - it felt good .

I whined a little when he pulled his fingers out. I was just starting to really enjoy them - even if they were attached to Esteban Ocon. My silent complaints didn’t last long though as he pushed inside me.

“Oh, fuck,” I exhaled, throwing my hand back and grabbing his hip. “Fuck.”

I think it only encouraged him. He wrapped his hand around my ponytail and yanked, fucking me fast and hard. My thighs rhythmically slammed into the table and I knew I would have bruises on them come tomorrow.

“ Tu es tellement serré ,” he groaned. “ Baise. Si bon. ”

I didn’t know French. I had been meaning to learn for years, especially after Alpine became such a big part of my career, but I stuck with English and Spanish. Esteban tugged my hair again and I swallowed a moan. I hated how much I liked it, even if Esteban wasn’t my favorite person. Judging by how hard he was fucking me, I assumed I wasn’t his either.

“Esteban, je ne connais pas le français, ” I moaned.

“Don’t fucking talk,” Esteban huffed, slamming into me harder. I closed my mouth, feeling my eyes water. He was so rough. It felt good, but it also hurt. I took it, waited for him to finish. He did, his dick twitching against my leg as his cum dripped down my leg. I straightened up and grabbed a tissue from the box on the table, wiping away what I could while Esteban put his clothes back on. I felt sore, worn out, but I managed to get my pants back in their proper place. He winked at me before he left me alone in the room. It made my stomach hurt.

Chapter Text

Sleeping with a man almost twice my age wasn’t on my bucket list - my fuck-it list. Then again, sleeping with Daniel started this whole thing and he’s 13 years older than me. Fernando was always nice to me when I was going through hell in the driver academy. He was still driving for Alpine at the time and I think he knew how awful they were. So when he found me in the paddock after free practice, it wasn’t odd to be seen having a conversation with him.

“ ¿Te va bien en Alpine? ” He patted my shoulders.

“ Podría estar mejor, ” I admitted. “ Al menos me mantengo entretenido .”

“ ¿Cómo? ” He laughed.

I reached out and brushed my knuckles against his. “ Déjame mostrarte. ”

“Penny,” Fernando glanced at my hand and back up at me. “You aren’t— are you?”

“ ¿Follando con todo el mundo? ” I smirked. “ Sí, lo soy .”

“ Esperaba que fuera un rumor ,” he sighed.

“It’s not,” I smiled. Fernando looked at me with hungry eyes.

“You’re young,” he shook his head.

“ Puedo hacerte sentir joven ,” I shrugged. “If you want.”

It was a bit of a blur after that. He pulled me into the Aston Martin motorhome, got me into his driver room, and we got our clothes off quickly. Fernando told me I had a nice ass, then proceeded to slap it while he fucked me. He was good in bed, better than I expected if I’m honest. I came faster than he did and I think that boosted his ego more than it should have. I was just grateful to be useful to someone. Fernando was a good distraction, but I knew he was one I wouldn’t go to again. I think Fernando knew it was a one-time thing too. I think that’s why he made the most of it while he could. Fernando was too nice to me outside of this hookup; we were too close in real life for us to be casual lovers.

But he thanked me when it was over and pressed a soft kiss to my temple. He told me it did help - he did feel young again. That made me smile.

Chapter Text

“What are you doing, Penn?” He found me, walking through the paddock after free practice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I shrugged, refusing to meet his eyes.

“You slept with Logan?” Daniel dropped his voice and synced his steps up with mine.

“What’s it matter to you?” I glanced at him sideways.

“So it’s true?” Daniel’s voice came out somewhere between a scoff and a laugh. “Wow.”

“You have an issue with Logan?” I questioned, glancing at him sideways.

“Not with Logan,” he shook his head.

“What? You have an issue with me?” I scoffed.

He turned his head to me, his eyes dark. Oh my God. He did have an issue with me.

“Are you seriously mad at me?” I questioned, crossing my arms.

“If you’re going to keep fucking around with Sarg, make sure you tell him to keep his mouth shut,” he advised. He dropped his lips to my ear. “At least I didn’t run around telling everybody you’ve got a tight little pussy.”

My mouth feel open a little but I quickly closed it as Daniel pulled away again. He smirked and nodded, “But you and I already knew that about you.”

I felt myself blush. Was it anger? Was it embarrassment? I wasn’t sure.

Daniel smirked like he knew which one it was. Then I was really angry. But it didn’t matter, because Daniel walked away. He didn’t even bother to give me a second glance - no funny goodbye, no wink over the shoulder. He just walked.

I wanted to cry.

Chapter Text

Whatever it was that was bothering him, he didn’t say. He just grabbed my arm and pulled me into his driver room.

“Pierre, what-“

“Shut up,” he shook his head and unzipped his jeans. I got the hint and lowered myself to my knees. He smirked down at me and pushed my head forward. I took him between my lips when he was still soft. Soft and answering a phone call. He mumbled shit in French that I didn’t understand, watching me as he got hard in my mouth. He tipped the phone away from his mouth and nodded at me, “Don’t look at me like that.”

I turned my eyes away and bobbed my head faster. He continued speaking French into the phone until I sucked hard and he groaned a little into the phone. He quickly said his goodbyes and hung up, tossing it onto his bed.

“Good,” he groaned, wrapping my ponytail around his hand. He guided my head faster, deeper. My jaw ached. I whimpered a little in protest and looked up at him through my lashes.

“You can take it,” he smirked, thrusting into my mouth a little. I gagged and closed my eyes as a tear slid from them. Pierre only thrust faster after that. But I took it. I took it and I let him cum on my lips and chin and I didn’t even really mind.

“ Tu es une bonne fille ,” he patted my head before pulling his pants back on right.

“I don’t speak French,” my voice was hoarse and quiet.

He smirked and zipped his pants before leaning down, “I said,” he kissed my temple and whispered in my ear. “You’re a good girl.”

I felt my cheeks burn red as he pulled away. He stepped around me and left the room, leaving me on my knees with cum drying on my face. If being like this meant I was a “good girl” then I didn’t want to know what would make me a bad one.

Chapter Text

“Rumors spread fast, Penelope.” His voice scared the shit out of me. I didn’t know he was standing behind me and I certainly hadn’t expected to hear his voice in my ear.

“Shit, hi Lando,” I gasped, holding my hand over my chest. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“You know, I am the king of paddock gossip,” he smiled. “And there’s been whispers about you for months.”

Months? Had it really been that long?

“Is that so?” I questioned, pretending I didn’t know what he meant. “What are they saying?”

“Daniel told me not to feed into it,” Lando shrugged.

“Did he?” I scoffed, turning away.

“But I can’t help but be a little curious,” he continued. “Are you actually fucking Logan?”

“Not your business,” I shook my head.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Lando laughed.

“I didn’t lie about anything. It really is none of your business,” I glared at him.

“But you did sleep with him?” He smirked.

“If I would have known Logan was going to tell everyone I wouldn’t have done it,” I lied. That one Lando seemed to buy.

“Do rumors spread as fast as your legs do?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I huffed.

He brought his lips to my ear, “Actually, I would.”

I looked into his eyes then, observing him and searching for a sign that he was fucking with me. I couldn’t find one. “You’re being serious.”

“Do you want to?” Lando asked.

“What do you want?” I half smiled.

“What do I want?” He crossed his arms and glanced down at my body. “I want a good ride.”

I glanced over my shoulder before looking back at him and nodding, “Come on then.”

He took me into the McLaren motorhome. His room was a mess, but at least the bed was cleared off. As he closed the door, I was quick to strip. Lando did the same. He stepped forward and pressed our naked chests together before kissing me. His hands didn’t match his mouth. They were soft, brushed against my waist lightly.

“I want you on top,” he mumbled against my lips. I put my hands against his hips, pushing him toward the bed. His breath caught in his throat a little. That made me smile. It gave him away. It was then that I realized what he really wanted. I pushed him down onto the bed and straddled his hips.

“You’re a little bitch, aren’t you?” I smirked, grinding against him. He didn’t say anything and I carefully reached down and lined him up with my entrance. He groaned, his eyes fluttering closed.

He nodded desperately and grabbed my hips, “Yeah sure - yes - yeah.”

“Say it,” I smirked, sliding the tip inside me.

“I’m a little bitch,” he confessed breathily.

“That’s what I thought,” I smiled, sinking down on him.

“Fuck,” he moaned, tossing his head back. And when I rocked my hips against his, I was almost certain I heard a whimper escape his lips.

Of course he was a whimperer. I should’ve guessed just from looking at him. But then again, I think a lot bisexual guys are whimperers - especially the ones who probably bottom for fun. And it was fun to watch him come undone, let his golden boy persona fall apart underneath me.

If anyone asked why I would spread my legs for Lando Norris. I could remember this. Tell them to take a look at Lando, remind them how much people loved him, and look them dead in the eyes and say fucking him felt like an insane power trip.

Chapter Text

“Hello Penelope. I heard a rumor.”

I hadn’t expected Carlos Sainz of all people to approach me. I especially hadn’t anticipated getting bent over in his driver room and fucked into next week. Carlos didn’t say much, just grunted and fucked fast. In all honesty I was a little zoned out. I was too busy wondering why he was even fucking me to think about the fact that he was fucking me.

I theorized it was Lando that told him what happened. And with how quick Carlos was to get my ass in the air, I was certain he was only fucking me because Lando had. As if I was some link between the two of them. By fucking me, Carlos was indirectly fucking Lando. That was probably why he was so insistent on making sure I was clean and then asked if he could fuck me raw. It felt a little strange, letting his unprotected dick inside me. But it only made me believe my theory even more.

Carlos fucked me so that he could feel like he was fucking Lando.

I wanted to be offended, but instead I just felt bad for Carlos. I felt bad that he couldn’t just be with Lando, who wanted Carlos so desperately you could almost taste it. It made me wish F1 wasn’t the way it was. It made me wish they could just fuck and get it over with. Or fuck and keep it that way? Whatever they wanted.

I guess, until the day came where they could, I was okay with being the link between them. At least that way they got to have some piece of each other.

And I was still getting laid. So why would I complain?

Chapter Text

I need you.

It wasn’t the text I expected, but it was a good one to see. It had been a long and boring summer break. Without racing, I felt a bit empty. I needed something to fill me - or someone.

I asked where he was staying and he sent me an address with a room number. I told him I was on my way, and not even 10 minutes later I was knocking on his hotel door.

“Penny,” he greeted me with a hug - a new normal for him.

“Hi, Logan,” I replied, looking down the hallway before hugging him back with one arm.

“Thanks for coming,” he sighed, pulling away and inviting me inside. “I missed you.”

“Summer break was so boring,” I confessed, pulling my shirt over my head. I turned to him as I started sliding out of my pants. Logan was looking at me a little wide eyed, lost. I paused with my pants halfway down my legs.  “What?”

He shook his head and slowly started pulling his shirt off. “Nothing.”

“Did you not want to hookup?” I questioned, pulling my pants off one leg at a time.

“No, I want to,” he answered, getting his own pants off. “I just— we can talk too, you know?”

He’d been suggesting that since he made me come. But I wasn’t there to talk — I was never there to talk.

“Alright,” I shrugged and stepped toward him. I kissed his lips once and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “Tell me about your summer break.”

He smiled and put his arms around my waist. “I went to the beach, a lot. Started surfing.”

“Yeah?” I asked, rubbing my hand over his chest. He was a little tanner than the last time I saw him. The color suited him. “How’d that go?”

“I only got two good runs in,” he confessed, shuddering a little under my touch. “It was a lot harder than I thought it would be.”

“At least you tried,” I said, my voice sounding oddly sweet in my ears. I pressed my lips against his again before he could say anything about my tone. I reached my hand down and palmed him through his boxers.

He gasped against my lips, “W-what about you? How was your break?”

“Exactly like I said it was,” I laughed a little and palmed him harder, feeling him get hard under my hand. “Boring.”

He gripped my waist tight and I sucked a breath in between my teeth. He loosened his grip and looked at me with worried eyes. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

I shook my head and slipped my hand inside his boxers. “No. Do it again.”

As I wrapped my hand around his cock, he complied, squeezing my hips. I hated to admit it, but I missed the way he touched me. I missed the way his hands felt. I missed the way he—

He slipped his fingers around the waistband of my underwear, pausing as his fingers approached my clit. “May I?”

“Yes, please,” I nodded, kissing his lips desperately. The moan that escaped my lips as he circled his finger around my clit was embarrassing. But it made him smile against my mouth.

“I missed you,” he confessed, rubbing my clit faster.

I hummed with satisfaction and jerked him off faster. “I missed your fingers,” I breathed, putting my head against his shoulder.

Logan pulled his hand away and tugged my underwear down. With my freehand, I helped him get them off. When he grabbed my wrist and pulled my other hand off of him I looked at him confused. He smiled and kissed my lips softly before hooking his hands under my thighs and scooping me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and put my hands on his shoulders for balance.

“Whatcha doin?” I smiled as he stepped toward the bed.

“I want to make you feel good,” he replied, carefully lowering our bodies onto the bed. “You always make me feel… incredible.”

“Logan, are you— you really don’t have to do anything,” I shook my head as he kissed over my breast and down my stomach.

“I want to,” he mumbled against my skin, wrapping my legs over his shoulders. I stopped arguing as he flicked his tongue against my clit.

“Logan,” I moaned, sliding my hand into his hair. I could feel his smile as he delved his tongue in and out of me. And God, it felt good.

The magic in his fingers also existed in his tongue. With my fingers looped in his blonde hair, he tended to me with such precision that my legs involuntarily started to tremble. He lifted his eyes, his tongue pushing deeper inside me, and watched me. And his tongue felt so good I almost didn’t care how intimate it looked. Almost.

“Logan please,” I breathed, tugging his hair. For a moment he didn’t move his head, just picked up his pace and my legs gently squeezed around his head. “God, yes, Logan,” I moaned, louder than my pride will let me admit. I tugged his hair a little harder, enough to move his head. “Please.”

He got the hint and quickly moved to take his boxers off. He fucked me a lot better than he used to. He wasn’t sloppy anymore and he could tell when I was getting close. Part of me was nervous about how well he was getting to know my body, but the other part of me felt too good to care.

“You taste incredible by the way,” he smiled as he dropped his lips to my neck. I was grateful he couldn’t see my blush. I was also grateful that he pushed deep enough inside me that instead of replying, I could only moan. Something seemed to ignite in him and he fucked me harder, hitting that same spot over and over again. I didn’t remember bringing my hands around him, but I remembered scratching my nails down his back.

“Yes, Penny,” he breathed, his shoulders slouching a little before coming back up again. “More.”

I clawed at him over and over again, the feel of him intoxicating. He kissed at my neck, moans and “you’re incredible”s slipping between his lips between each thrust.

“You’re fucking beautiful,” he breathed before kissing my lips softly.

And for the second time in my life, Logan Sargeant made me come. And he pulled me against his chest and held me tight. And for the first time ever, I fell asleep to the sweet nothings that poured out of his mouth. And I didn’t leave until the morning.

Chapter Text

I never expected Charles to hear the rumors. But he is Pierre’s best friend and he had recently been dumped, so maybe I should’ve known.

He was kind about asking me at least. He didn’t assume I’d say yes and he didn’t pressure me into saying it either. And Charles is excellent in bed. He took his time to get me ready, held my legs over his shoulders and made sure I took it all. And I did. Every fucking inch of that beautiful man made me shake. In the back of my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about how anyone could give him up.

He was probably the prettiest man I’ve ever seen. In and out of the bedroom.

Chapter Text

“Penelope.”

“Esteban.”

It was barely 5 minutes before Esteban locked the door and got his pants undone. He pushed me to my knees, hard, and I felt my face flush. He stuck his dick in my mouth, more at once than I was expecting and I gagged.

“Oh come on,” Esteban scoffed. “You can do better than that.”

I dropped my eyes and got to work. I didn’t even like Esteban, but some deep rooted issue in me wanted to prove to him I could do better.

“Jesus, is that it?” He sighed. “Pierre said you were better than this.”

It was like a punch to the stomach. I pushed farther and gagged again. That didn’t stop Esteban, he grabbed my head and fucked my mouth hard. It hurt . But I felt like I deserved it.

He pulled my head away by my hair and I gasped, teary eyed. “That was pathetic.”

“I’m sorry,” I choked out, my throat sore and lifeless.

“Up,” he demanded and I got to my feet. “Spread your legs.”

I shuffled my feet apart slowly and he spun me around.

“More, Penelope.”

I reluctantly shifted my legs farther as he slid my pants below my ass. I could feel his fingers slip around my underwear and push them to the side.

“These are cute,” he huffed. I closed my mouth and did my best to relax as he pushed inside me dry. He slipped his hand around my hip and pressed his fingers against my clit, willing me to get wet around him. I felt my face turn red as it worked. “Good girl.”

He fucked me hard, rough. I felt my eyes watering, but my pussy ached and dripped.

“So you do like it,” he said roughly. I put my head down and let him pound into me with so much force, I thought I’d collapse. It was too much; I was getting overstimulated. My legs shook and Esteban fucked faster. Until he pulled out and I felt his cum leak onto my thighs. I breathed and refused to face him. I heard him pant and pull his clothes back on. I straightened up and put my pants back in their proper place.

Esteban grabbed my head and kissed my hair. “That was fun.”

I shivered and waited for him to leave before I started crying.

Chapter Text

Lance Stroll fucks like a gentleman. He insisted on wearing a condom and he rolled his hips against mine gently. It was a nice change of pace and I genuinely liked the way he felt. Not that I got to experience it for long. He came faster than I think he expected himself to. He looked embarrassed as he kissed down my body and pulled my legs over his shoulders.

I didn’t complain. His tongue was magical. He was surprisingly good with his fingers too. And I felt myself cum around them. He smiled with his shiny chin, obviously proud of himself. As he licked his fingers clean, I decided I wouldn’t be coming back. Lance was too nice for this.

Chapter Text

I sought him out. Desperate to forget how kindly I had been treated, desperate to drown out the sweetness that was left on my body. It made me feel sick; it reminded me how awful what I was doing was.

“Penelope?” Pierre opened his door, eyes immediately giving me a once over.

“I need it,” I said quickly. Pierre smirked a bit as he opened his door wider and let me in.

“ Pute ,” he laughed a bit as he closed the door. It was a French word I actually knew. Whore.

“ Eres un idiota ,” I replied in Spanish. That seemed to frustrate him. Good. He stepped toward me and grabbed a fistful of my hair.

“Get on your knees,” he demanded. I did

“Good girl,” he smirked, smacking my face lightly as I put my mouth around him.

I took it. I let him thrust into my mouth with no complaints. I let him use me. I let him destroy that guilt living in my chest. As I swallowed his cum, I swallowed that awful feeling too.

Chapter Text

Running back to Logan Sargeant seemed to be a recurring event in my life. I hate to admit it, but he was starting to figure me out. He found patterns pretty easily, picked up on things that worked - things that didn’t.

“You are— beautiful,” he breathed against my neck. It made my stomach flip, made my skin tingle. But it made everything he was doing feel ten times better.

“Don’t stop,” I replied quietly.

“Fuck, are you—“

“Yes, don’t stop.”

And he didn’t until I was coming around him. I think he knew; I think he could feel it. I felt his name slip out of my mouth when it happened. That’s what made him finish so fast after me. He looked in my eyes when he did it, as I started coming down.

Then I crashed. A deep rooted feeling of guilt buried in my chest. It burned a hole straight through me as he rolled off me and grabbed a towel to clean up.

I laid next to him for a while, waiting until he was asleep before I slipped out of his hotel room.

I ran into Oscar in the hallway. He didn’t say anything; he didn’t even give me a dirty look or anything. He just sort of nodded, looked a bit confused, then continued on his way to wherever he was headed. Logan was his best friend. I’m sure he knew what I was doing and I’m sure he didn’t approve of it. But Oscar was too nice to call me out. He was too sweet to tell me I was fucked up for treating Logan that way. And he was too shy to call me a slut. Even if I deserved it.

Chapter Text

I don’t remember how I ended up in the reigning world champion’s hotel room, but I did. He didn’t even seem into it. Just fucked me hard and, painfully, slow. It was awkward, being able to see the look on his face while he did it. He seemed — out of it.

So I let him flip me over, at least that way I didn’t have to make eye contact with him. It also finally got a moan out of him, like he finally enjoyed it now. One thing I learned after sleeping with half the grid — all of these motherfuckers are super gay. They’re only into fucking girls if they can hit from the back, when there’s not a titty in sight and they can act like it’s a dude underneath them. At least, that’s what it felt like with Max. He almost blew my fucking back out.

Max never addressed me by name either. I can’t blame him. His daughter’s name is Penelope too. If I was him, that’d be the last name I want to say in bed too.

Leaving Max’s room with numb legs made me feel disgusted with myself. I hadn’t enjoyed a second of what happened with Max — and he hadn’t either. There was no fun in sleeping with Max. No point.

It made me question why I was even doing all this in the first place.

Chapter Text

There was a harsh knock on my door that woke me up from my light sleep.

“Open the fucking door,” the voice on the other side of it said angrily. I slowly walked to the door as the knock came again. I looked through the peephole to see Daniel on the other side.

I unlocked the door and slowly opened it. Daniel pushed inside and grabbed my head, kissing me quickly on the mouth. I gasped against his mouth before kissing him back and pushing the door closed.

I didn’t ask any questions. I didn’t want to ask any questions. He was back. He was back and he was mine again.

“You’re already wet,” Daniel smirked against my neck. I was trembling against his hand, embarrassingly so. I could only nod. “Atta girl.”

Daniel marked my chest with hickies, claimed me in every way he possibly could. I was biting back whines of pain, but I didn’t even care. I was so hopelessly in love with him that it almost didn’t matter how much hell my body was in. I had barely even noticed he was finished until he was crossing the room and pulling his clothes back on.

Daniel stepped toward me and grabbed my chin. He looked at me sweetly for a moment, but it was covering something sour.

“Don’t ever fucking touch Max again.”

“I- how did you-“ Daniel’s eyes got dark and I shut myself up.

His fingers dug into my cheeks a bit. “Fuck Sargeant all you want. Just don’t ever touch Max again. Do you understand me?”

I mustered up enough courage to nod, mumbling a quick, “Yes sir.”

He loosened his grip on my chin, patted my cheek gently once, and left. All over again, that hollow feeling in my chest crept in.

Chapter Text

Lando was the gayest man I’d ever slept with. Not that he was completely gay — or that there was something wrong with being gay. I just wished he’d admit it.

Instead, he was whiny and wouldn’t just tell me what he really wanted. It was charming at first, watching him squirm. But eventually it just got boring.

And once I got bored, Lando started getting bored. Neither of us enjoyed what we were doing anymore.

“This isn’t working,” he huffed, sliding me off him.

“No, it isn’t,” I shook my head.

He looked hurt for a second before his cheeks turned a pinky color. “It’s not your fault, you know.”

“Not yours either,” I shrugged.

“You know, you’re a cool girl, Penny,” Lando breathed. “I just—“

“Want someone else?” I suggested, trying to be as lighthearted as possible. He glanced at me, confirming that I was right. “It’s okay, Lando.”

“Do you? Want someone else, I mean?” He asked.

I slowly nodded and looked away. “Yeah, I do.”

“Well, where’s he?”

“Probably sitting in an ice bath somewhere,” I replied quietly.

Lando was quiet for a second before pulling his knees up to his chest. I had forgotten we were still naked until he did that. “Mine too.”

“It’s Carlos, isn’t it?” I suggested gently. I didn’t want Lando to get defensive, shut me out.

“Have you ever been in love with someone you can’t actually have?”

I nodded.

“How’d you make it stop?” He asked me.

“I haven’t made it stop. I don’t know if you can shut love off,” I exhaled.

“No, I guess you can’t,” Lando picked at a hair on his leg. “Does it hurt you too?”

“Yeah, it hurts,” I agreed. “But, I guess, that’s the price you pay, right?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, maybe it is.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, Penelope,” Oscar tapped my arm. “Can we talk?”

I glanced around the paddock, confused. His girlfriend stood only five feet away — chatting with his sister.

“I-I’m confused.”

Oscar looked over his shoulder at his girlfriend and sister before looking back at me with red cheeks. “Jesus, I’m not going to have sex with you,” he said under his breath. “I really do just want to talk.”

I felt my face burn as I nodded. “Right. Yeah, of course.”

“You–You’ve really been sleeping with–”

“Everyone?” I laughed at myself. If I didn’t, I would’ve cried.

“Wait, everyone? I just meant Logan and Lando,” Oscar shook his head. “You’ve slept with more?”

My cheeks burned and I carefully crossed my arms around myself. “What did you want, Oscar?”

“I just wanted to talk to you about Logan,” he sighed. “He’s– not doing good.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s just– confused, I guess,” Oscar shrugged.

“Confused?” I asked. “About what? About me?”

“Yeah, about you,” he nodded, almost like he felt guilty saying it. “He’s talked to me a lot about, well, everything going on between you two.”

“There’s nothing going on between us,” I shook my head, dismissing the very idea that there could be something there.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Oscar replied. “Logan doesn’t see it that way. He– he’s not exactly a casual sex type of person, Penelope.”

“What, so he wants more?” I questioned.

“He just wants to know where he stands with you,” he answered. “One second he’s having - and I quote - ‘incredible sex’ with you and the next you’re disappearing in the middle of the night without even saying goodbye.”

“It’s nothing personal. I just – don’t stick around.”

“Yeah and Logan is too dense to realize that and stop screwing around with you,” Oscar snapped a bit. His cheeks turned a light pink color and he immediately backtracked. “I just mean, Logan’s hurting, okay? He’s vulnerable with you and he wants to have a real relationship with you. I can see that that is obviously not a feeling that you share and that’s fine. Just – leave Logan out of it.”

“I didn’t-”

“Yeah, you didn’t mean to hurt him,” Oscar cut me off. “I know, Penelope. You’re not some evil, malicious villain that’s out to get him. I know.” 

I don’t think he knows how much it means to hear that, especially from him. Oscar’s a straight forward guy – what you see is what you get. Being told you’re not a shitty person from a guy like that… it makes you start to believe it.

“Just, let him down easy, okay? He really, really cares about you.”

I nodded.

“He’s my best friend,” Oscar breathed. “So, when you break his heart, just cold turkey, okay? He can’t handle keeping up – whatever it is you two have going on – even if he’ll try to convince you he can. And he will try to convince you that he can. Just, don’t fall for it. Whatever he says.”

“I got it, Oscar,” I pressed my line together in a tight line.

“He won’t hate you if you’re just honest with him.”

“Will you hate me?”

“No, Penelope,” he shook his head confidently. “No, I could never hate you.”

“It’s pretty easy to hate me right now,” I sighed.

“Look, whatever it is you’re going through,” he gently held my shoulder. “Nobody hates you for it.”

“I can name a few people that might.”

“Okay, fine. Let me rephrase,” Oscar gave me a small smile. “There’s still people rooting for you – people who are going to make sure you get to the end of it.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Oscar.”

“Alpine survivors stick together.”

Chapter Text

It hurt, but Oscar was right. I had to end things with Logan. I couldn’t keep dragging him back and shoving him out again. But when I said that, it made my chest feel empty and my skin tight and hot.

“You are an incredible person, Logan,” I assured him. “And a wonderful experience.”

He buried his face into the crook of my neck and mumbled against my skin. “You were everything.”

“No, I’m not,” I disagreed quietly. “I promise you, I’m not what you want.”

“But you are.”

“Logan, you can do better,” I said firmly, pulling away from his embrace.

“I know you think that, but Penny,” he breathed. “You’re the best there is.”

“No, Logan,” I shook my head and wiped his tear stained cheeks. “I’m really not. You deserve someone who can love you with everything they have.”

He sniffled and looked at the ground. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

I slowly nodded, wishing it wasn’t true. “But I really wish you didn’t.”

“Do you have feelings for me? Any at all?” Logan asked quietly. “Or were you really just pity fucking me and trying to make me feel better about how shit I drive?”

“You weren’t a pity fuck, Logan,” I replied. “You are sweet and you are kind and you care. You’re a good person.”

“But not good enough,” he wiped his face and looked away from me.

“I’m not leaving because of anything you’ve done.”

“So why are you leaving?” He sounded angry with this question. Not enraged and vengeful type of angry, but a heartbroken kind of anger that was dripping with sadness.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I confessed.

“This hurts.”

“If I stay — if we keep doing this — it will just be that much harder to do later,” I blinked back a tear, choking on my words.

“I’m sorry.” He eventually replied. We hugged again and I ran my hand over his back.

“Don’t apologize to me, Logan.”

He nodded against me and I held my breath to keep myself from sobbing. Eventually I let go and headed toward the door. I paused with my hand against the knob and looked over my shoulder at him.

“I’m sorry, for everything.”

“I know, Penny.”

Chapter Text

“You’re back?”

“Hey, can I come in?” I gave him a too wide smile.

“Yeah, just – don’t look at me like that again,” Max nodded, opening the door wider. I stepped into the hotel room and wiped my hands on my legs. “What’d you want?”

“Do you think we could have sex?” I asked, point blank. Pulling the trigger felt better than trying to small talk with him.

“Wow, straight shooter,” he sighed once before tugging his shirt off. “I can appreciate that.”

It was surprisingly easy. In my head, that tactic hadn’t worked for Max and I ended up just sitting here groveling for an hour. Instead, I got bent over the desk and my hair pulled. But I wasn’t really into it and it kind of just made my whole body hurt. But then again, I felt like I deserved it. I had hurt Logan. Unintentionally or not, the damage was done there. I had screwed up, bad.

“Are you–” Max paused. “Crying?”

“What?” I snapped back into reality and quickly wiped my face. Sure enough, there were tears rolling down my cheeks. Max pulled out and I straightened up, looking at him. “No, I–”

Max looked away from me and stepped back. “Did I hurt you at all?”

“No, no. I’m fine, really,” I shook my head.

Max grabbed my clothes and awkwardly handed them to me. “Yeah, I don’t think this is gonna work out. The -uh- bathroom’s right over there.”

I took my clothes and nodded, shuffling over to the bathroom to get dressed. I stared at myself in the mirror for a moment too long before putting my clothes on. I was embarrassed, confused. What was I doing here?

As I left the bathroom, Max was pulling his shirt over his head. He nodded at me once before turning away again. I wiped my cheeks again as I rushed out of his hotel room.

Not only had nothing good come out of sleeping with Max, but I’d also broken Daniel’s rule. Don’t ever fucking touch Max again. But I had. And it wasn’t even worth it.

Chapter Text

“What the fuck did I say?”

Daniel was angry when he knocked on my door. I let him in, with open arms. Despite his rage, I could only need him around me.

“Don’t touch Max,” I replied.

“And what did you do?” Daniel asked through a clenched jaw.

“I fucked him.”

Daniel took a deep breath and turned away from me. “What are you doing, Penn?”

“You didn’t want me,” I shrugged slowly. Truthfully, I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. Chasing something to fill the void, I suppose.

“Are you fucking stupid?” He turned to me again. His voice had gotten softer, the rage in his eyes faded. “Of course I want you.”

“You do?” I lifted my eyes to meet his.

“More than anything, Penn,” he nodded, lowering himself to his knees in front of me. Our eyes more level and his hands on my thighs. “I always wanted you.”

“Then why’d you leave?” I choked out.

“I don’t know,” he confessed, bringing his face closer to mine. “I don’t know, but I won’t leave again.”

I nodded, deciding that was enough. He kissed me, softer than he had before. He took his time taking my clothes off, took time with his too. He warmed me up more than necessary. He was kinder to me than usual, slower and gentler. I hadn’t been felt like this in a long time.

I wrapped my arms over his shoulders and clung to him. I had to make this feeling last. “I love you.”

I think it flustered him for a moment, hearing that. But it made him pick up his pace, deliberate in each of his motions. And when he was done, he dropped his head between my legs.

After a while, he looked up at me again. “You really love me?”

I nodded. I did. I loved him. And it hurt like hell.

He only smiled once before returning his lips to my core, finishing me off. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before resting his head on my stomach.

“You taste like candy.”

Candy. It’s so sweet, too sweet, but there’s nothing nourishing about it. It’s a delicious treat, but you can’t survive on candy. I wonder if that’s what Daniel and I are. If we’re just candy to each other. That we can’t survive like this.

“Do you love me, Daniel?”

He lifted his head a bit, turning to look up at me. “I think you know the answer to that.”

I nodded and he laid his head back down. And as I ran my hand through his hair, I decided that was enough.