Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A raggedy book shows

With a shooting star for a cover.

Inside it reads:

Property of 

Stanford Pines GRUNKLE FORD!

After several days Who am I kidding? Within HOURS of Mabel insisting I do this, I've been forced to write another journal. I've refused to do this for a long time after the results of my past experiments and the relationships they that I severed in the past. The journals now serve as a reminder of mistakes that haunt me everyday, but having to hear the kid's song about adventure and mystery seemed like worse punishment.

It's hard to keep count, but judging by her age, it must have been at least thirty years of my disappearance, and, apparently, of Stanley butchering my name. Not only did he fake his death and take my name, he's been disrespecting my research for all these years! Mabel says he's turned my research lab into a tourist trap called "The Mystery Shack" that showcases the "weirdest artifacts and creatures of Gravity Falls," along with overpriced merchandise (I don't know if currency has changed in the past three decades, but ten dollars seems awful for a t-shirt).

AND IT DOESN'T STOP THERE!

Stanley dared to touch the portal, found the journals, and SOMEHOW got it working again. Even though I appreciate the nature of this gesture, if his peanut-sized brain can understand the mechanics of the portal, how on earth did he ignore the risks of universal doom?! 

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HEY! Grunkle Stan's brain may be peanut sized but that's a great size for a brain! I'm sure your head hurts from that HUGE nerdy brain you're carrying.

On that note, as it turns out, Mabel here is actually Shermy Pines' granddaughter! Which means, I'm a grand uncle (or Grunkle as Mabel calls me)!

MABEL PINES

Three days ago, Mabel got sucked in from my interdimensional portal into Bill Cipher's nightmare realm. We were in the middle of a fight, and I was about to land the deciding blow with my Quantum Destabilizer, when a little kid shot onto me from behind and made me miss my shot Which wasn't my fault!!!! That big dorito is very distracting :(

Bill caught notice of this and greeted her like he'd known her for her whole life.

"WELL, WELL, WELL, MIGHT THIS BE... SHOOTING STAR?" he said referring to Mabel and the design on her sweater. That sweater... maybe he was referring to something else. no, it wouldn't make sense.

"YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GONNA LET YOU HAVE THIS ONE, SIXER. I WANNA SEE HOW THIS TURNS OUT. PIGSMEAT IS BAD FOR THE GUT! BYE!"

A wormhole opened below us which brought us to the "M Dimension," a relatively safe one to my knowledge. We've been staying here for the past few days and getting annoyed of these people's "Maccent" as Mabel calls it.

*The bottom of the page is filled by Ford's drawing of the scene. He can be seen grabbing onto a barely conscious Mabel while falling through the wormhole with Bill Cipher in the background.*

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Chapter Text

Grunkle Ford is letting me write on the journal as long as I "talk about something relevant." 

So let me tell you about...

DIPPER PINES

Dipper is the HUGEST SUPER MEGA NERD you'll ever meet!

There was one time he took a "DNA sample" from Gumpers because he thought he was an alien in disguise. He got wrecked. *Insert Mabel's drawing of Dipper holding tweezers while getting kicked in the gut by Gumpers*

It's like he's possessed by the girl from Dooby-Scoo and the Mystery Truck —not that he'd ever get close to any girls :p—.

He's also THE textbook definition of an awkward pre-teen. Can he get any more sweaty than this? Maybe I shouldn't ask D:

*Insert drawing of a very sweaty representation of Dipper that takes up most of the page. An arrow points to and makes notice of his very sweaty hands.*

WEAKNESSES:

His greatest love Wendy XD, BABBA and the journals!

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After reviewing a very close description of myself when I was twelve, my Rift Detector caught a signal from near the coast of "Mew Mersey". It shouldn't take us more than a few hours to get there.

AUGUST 1

Out of many things Mabel brought with her into the Nightmare Realm, came a "collectionists watch" of a "boy band" called SEV'RAL TIMEZ (She says they're like if The Beatypedes were cool, which I doubt) that is a lot more complex than what a regular band-themed watch should be. This one even has an accurate calendar! Looks like we'll be able to trace our days here. *Insert Ford's drawing of a luxury watch smothered in the identical faces of SEV'RAL TIMEZ*

This watch is the MOST valuable thing I own. Creggy G gave it to me!!

*Insert Mabel's drawing of SEV'RAL TIMEZ adoring her as their queen. She loves it.*

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...

The book closes for a moment.

Ford and Mabel are walking through the coast. They only have another hour until they get to the wormhole. They've been walking for an hour and a half.

"Grunkle Ford, look! All the sticks in the sand are also shaped like an M."

"Everything here is shaped like an M."

"Everything? Like everything, everything?"

"Food, cars, houses, books, the moon! Everything, everything."

"Wooaahh, are cats M-shaped?"

"Yes, Mabel, they are."

"Dogs t-"

Ford interrupted her.

"Kid, what part of "Eveything, everything" do you not get?!" He said in an annoyed tone of voice.

Mabel kept quiet.

"And no, I don't know why! I've already answered hundreds of your questions for nothing in return! Can I just ask you for a little quiet? We're almost there."

Mabel stayed silent.

If you looked really closely, you could see her lips shaking.

If you looked really closely, you could see her eyes watering.

The rest of the way was filled with awkward silence. Both of them thought of saying something. They didn't.

An hour passed.

There, a crack in the horizon stood before them.

"Hey, kid."

Mabel looked at his face.

"I'm sorry for saying all that. I know it must be hard for you to process all of this, and, sure, you're curious about it. I mean, who wouldn't?"

He paused.

"Mabel, everything's going to be okay."

He remembered a time when his mother wiped his tears after being rejected from West Coast Tech.

"Everything, everything?"

"Everything, everything."

Chapter Text

AUGUST 4

It's been a few days since we arrived in dimension K-273.15 The ICEBERG dimension! The wormhole landed us in the corner of a very, very cold planet. Cold usually means scarce food, but not here, to our luck, this planet is LITTERED with thermal spots!

Cryo-Carrots, as I like to call them, grow on the edge of the ice spikes of this land. It appears that they gather nutrients and moisture from the ice, while they get heat and light from volcanic and thermal spots.

I found a cave under one of these thermal spots, which should keep us warm enough for enough time.

*Insert Ford's drawing of a rocky cave with steam coming out of its top. The entrance of the drawn cave shows Mabel's drawing of her and Ford near a fireplace.*

HA UPNOA, ALTWLYHABYLZ YLHJO ULHY HIZVSBAL GLYV. AOL RPK HSTVZA IBYUZ OLY OHUK VMM HMALY NLAAPUN PA AVV JSVZL AV AOL LUAYHUJL. ZAHUSLF OHZ AHBNOA UVAOPUN AV OLY AOLT.

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Welcome, aliens and grunkles, to another episode of...

MABEL'S INTERDIMENSIONAL KITCHEN!

*Insert an insane amount of rainbows and Mabel holding blue-colored carrots around the page. Every nook and cranny of the page contains some amount of glitter. No one knows where the glitter came from.*

Today's dish? PARADOX SOUP♾️♾️♾️!

Is it cold? Is it hot? Every bite is different :D!!

INGREDIENTS:-

1. Like a thousand Cryo-Carrots

2. Frozen bones from outside (for flavor duh)

3. Hot water from hot spring

4. Salt? I think?

INSTRUCTIONS:

Grab a TON of carrots, some bones from the dead animals outside and DUMP EM ALL in the boiling hot spring that's above your cave. Don't have one? Travel to the nearest community thermal spot!

Leave your ingredients in the water for 10-15 minutes and add some cristall-y rocks for more flavor.

With that, your Paradox Soup should be done!! Enjoy!

*Insert Mabel's drawing of the hot spring filled with bones and Cryo-Carrots. Some spots of it are steaming while the ones near the carrots seem cold. It's a mystery how the temperature stays unstable all throughout.*

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