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Chapter Text

That damn letter. She knew things she couldn't have. About him, about Jordie, about his father and mother. Kaz tried to remember every small detail about his life before his brother died, every single memory he had forcefully tossed away, everything that was related to his old self. 

How the hell could she know? She had made him question his sanity - at least what was left from it. He wanted to know who she was, what she knew, what she wanted... And he wanted to kill her. She knew too much. If she were to simply give away such information, she could throw the reputation he had strenuously built off a cliff. Miss Freya would have a lot of explaining to do. 

I must find her. He was thinking to himself ever since he had read the letter. Though he felt like everything around him was spinning, he wouldn't stop until he got rid of her. 

Why? Why her, why now, just why? The thought was lingering in his mind dizzying him, blurring his vision while he was strolling along the streets of the Barrel. And then it came to him. She was Freya, that girl his brother had told him, "like a sister but not quite" he had said. That girl who would made them waffles with fruit every Sunday morning and put extra syrup without their mother knowing. Kaz could not bring himself to remember her, he must have been too little, but Jordie did and that was more than enough. For a split moment he though he was not all alone in this world. It was horrifying. He quickly shook that thought out of his head and picked up his pace. 

His eyes were wandering around the streets searching for her even though it was unlikely that he recognise her. He didn't even remember her. It was strange... According to Jordie she wasn't much older that him hence she must have left the farm when she was a teenager. He needed too many answers. I could have made a mile-long list, he almost whispered.

He was passing through crowds, scanning every face, every figure. His eyes eventually landed on a girl sitting on the sidewalk singing with her guitar. She seemed familiar. She had his father's eyes and hair color and some of her expressions reminded Kaz of him. She must have been in her late twenties or early thirties. Kaz then realised he was staring hard at her for more that a few minutes. He may as well ask her name or something, it was better that nothing.

Slowly and discreetly he approached her, and as he did, the small crowd surrounding her dispersed, shooting him concerned glances. He then looked at her intently and moved right in front of her.

"What the hell, dude?" she shouted angrily at Kaz while setting aside her guitar. "I had a damn good audience tonight and I was hoping for some money, now who's going to pay me? You? Don't think so", she glared.

"What is your name?" Kaz asked coldly.

"Around here I'm known as Medusa"

"Smart, but your other one"

"Freya Heida Rietveld. What's yours?"

"I am Kaz Brekker, around here I'm known as Dirtyhands."

"That was not a good start", she stated awkwardly, "I did not realise it was you"

"So you know me"

"Oh please, I have been trying to learn about you for over six months but you are just too careful"

"Why was that?" he asked in a flat tone.

"Let's say you have sparked quite an interest"

"And"

"And I think you are someone I know"

"Am I?" his sarcasm was on point.

"You are the only one who can confirm, darling," she was now smiling and looking at him playfully as if she was flirting, but she was most likely just trying to get him to disclose something, "and considering that you came to find me, my guess is that you are who I thought you to be" 

"And who do you think I am, if I may?"

"Well off course you may. But it would save us time if you just read the letter I sent, wouldn't it?" She is being annoying. On purpose.

"Why are you being difficult? Weren't you the one who sent me a letter about your tragic life story?"

"Sweetheart, I am difficult and yes I sent you a letter but I wouldn't use the word tragic to describe my life story."

"I could not care less" he fucking did care but why the hell is she like that? 

"You care well enough to come talk"

"That is because it is unusual to be sent such letters" he said calmly while desperately trying to maintain his composure. Freya was almost as sarcastic as he was and that was getting on Kaz's nerves.

"Of course it is. And you are not the only one that wants answers. So, are you Kaz Rietveld or no?"

Damn. Too straightforward. "Even if I am, why do you want to find out?" he had to avoid that, at least for now, at all costs, it would be too reckless of him to expose himself.

"Here we go again... You may be my nephew, as I have well explained in my very detailed letter, and I would like to know what happened to my beloved brother, his beloved wife and their beloved children." her face had turned serious and she suddenly looked tired and desperate to have that information.

"If you loved your brother and his family so much, how come you don't know?" counter question, information needed and most importantly not giving away himself.

"I... I needed to work, left home..." her voice cracked "lost contact" she sobbed "then lost everything" she sobbed again "went back home but they were all gone, disappeared without a trace" she said blandly as her eyes were swelling with tears she was fighting to suppress.

"Tragic life story, as I said" he looked at her with an expression he couldn't even recognise. Pathetic, he thought to himself. "Well, nothing will change now, they are all dead." he stated in a flat apathetic tone.

"What happened to them?" she naturally asked him, her voice weak and trembling.

"My guess is plague." He was not wrong, in a way. 

"So you don't know..." she whispered bitterly.

"I cannot help you" he still held his composure, "but, may I ask, do you have any talent?" he regretted saying that, yet he wanted to keep her around, he wanted to know if it was really his aunt...and deep down he may have wanted to give her some sort of closure.

"I write songs, I sing, play guitar... I can aim well... I know how to treat wounds... I can fight a man if I have to" she responded without understanding what he meant.

"You can aim with a gun?" he asked simply, wanting to clarify to himself what she was talking about.

"They say I do better that the average guy" she said hesitantly raising her shoulders as if what she said was the most common thing in the world.

"That's g-" he didn't even finish his phrase when a guy tried to lunge at him from the alley.

For half a second he thought it was a trap, but before the guy had reached him, Medusa was standing right in front of him pointing a gun at the guys chest. 

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"Eamonn!" she couldn't believe what he just did. "It is illegal for people to talk now?" she was clearly furious, but she could not have him invade her life like that all the time. 

"Do you even know who he is?" he asked half concerned, half mad. He sounded like a parent of a naïve child who could have been kidnapped if it was by itself for even a moment.

"On a scale from one to ten, how stupid do you think I am?" 

"You are not stupid." he swallowed, "You can be reckless at times though." Liar.

"And you are the one to come save me, as always, just like any good boy would, huh?" she glared at him, not even thinking about the, very confused at the moment, bastard of the Barrel behind her. 

"Drop your gun, honey" he spoke softly.

"No."

"Please, this is not the place nor the time"

"I think otherwise, sweetie" she smiled, "I think that you want to control me once again, so this is exactly the time" she paused for a moment "maybe not the place though, but Kaz wouldn't mind, would he?" she said sparing a glance at Kaz who seemed now unbothered.

"I just want to pro-"

"Oh shut the fuck up, Eamonn. I have grown tired of your silly excuses and your petty thinking. Just leave me alone." she was really done with him, he needed to realise that. "I'm a big girl, I for sure can take care of myself" 

"If that's what you want, fine then... I will leave you alone" he said, seemingly disappointed. He surrendered easily this time. Way too easily. He put his hands in his pockets and started strolling down the road, but slower than usual, with his head down.

"I am so, so sorry about that. It will not ha-" she stopped mid-sentence as she saw Eamonn pull something and within moments, he shot at them twice, but missed. She then got the chance to shoot his shoulder. Good shot, she thought and turned to face Kaz checking if he was hurt, but he had already gotten his own pistol out and shot once, as a warning probably since he missed as well.

"Do not make me plant the next bullet in your empty head so it will eventually have something inside of it" she yelled full of rage. In the meantime, Eamonn's buddies appeared and dragged him out of sight.

"Is that your boyfriend or something?" Kaz asked, even though the tension between them was obvious.

"Was" she said with a low, angry tone. "I have told him too many times to not be involved in my business, just like I am not involved in his, but he wouldn't listen. Next time, I am actually planting a bullet in his head."

Kaz nodded in response, clearly annoyed but seemingly impressed at the skirmish. We have to get out of here. Eamonn's buddies could be looking for them. The guy was really a psycho.

"How about we go somewhere more private, so we can talk without being disturbed?" she asked Kaz who was a bit hesitant, naturally, after what had just happened, "you choose where", she added to make him more comfortable, or at least to not make him even more wary.

"We can go somewhere more isolated if that's what you mean, or we can go to the Slat" he proposed, but he seemed sceptical. 

"The Slat is good." she responded quickly. No need to worry about Eamonn or his gang. Most importantly, no need to worry about Kaz getting killed.  

They started walking towards the Dregs' territory, Kaz paving the way, and Freya begged for some small talk at least. He walked slower than she expected, but she matched his pace. He must have been tired. Or he just was not in a rush. 

They were in complete silence and after a while she started to notice him. He has Megan's hair. For a split second she was watching her, back at the farm, making dinner with her long lustrous hair tied in a pony tail. That was before Freya had learned to braid. When she eventually figured it out, Megan had at all times some braided hairstyle, whether it was a single braid, or many complex braids ending in a bun. Kaz's hair looked just as silky as his mother's, but he may have been in need of a change in his hairstyle... Or at least a new haircut. Well, considering his 'don't-touch-me-I'll-kill-you' attitude, he must be dealing with his hair by himself. That wasn't necessarily bad, but damn, it showed.

"Have you ever considered getting a barber to cut your hair?" she asked out of the blue.

"What?" Kaz said in a raspy voice and frowned, clearly startled by the question and most probably insulted. 

"Well... I mean you can see some... Um..." that was a bad idea for small talk, apparently. "I'm just saying it looks like you cut your own hair and it looks kind of... I don't know" how can I say it nicely, she thought "it could for sure look way better if you took more care of it, not to be mean but the texture, shine and colour are all gorgeous and if you knew how to treat it properly it would certainly be fabulous to say the least" she tried to save the insult she had just served him with.

"My hair is fine" he said maybe a little annoyed at her observation.

"I'm not saying it isn't... It is just... How can I say it without being rude..." well, that's awkward.

"Well, how can you?" he had every right to use his sarcasm as a response and a warning, but she still got the chills. He's just a boy, she kept thinking to herself, and now she was pretty sure that he was the boy she had been looking for all this time. She shivered at the thought of finding him. She almost forgot he expected her to say something.

"Honestly, I can't.", she gulped, "But if we're being honest, your haircut looks like a drunk rat got a pair of scissors and tried to give you a makeover." she delicately hid a tremor while she exhaled. 

"First off, I indeed give myself haircuts" he admitted, "and second, I do not recall 'drunk rat' being one of the many names they call me, but I'll gladly add it in the list" he said obviously sarcastically, or that's what Freya thought, with an expression cold as ice. She thought there could be a slight chance he found what she said amusing, but he hid it well. He was still Dirtyhands after all.

There was another long pause and it was his turn to look at her as if he tried to recall something. Or someone. He was a lot more discreet than her, yet she noticed pretty quickly. She wanted to tease him again. Test his limit. She wanted to see what he would do. Would he knock her out with his cane, strangle her, shoot her...? She felt the urge to hit him just to get a reaction. Instead, she decided to ask him something.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked trying to fill in the silence. Why did she always do that? 

"Why can't you go five minutes without talking?" He was annoyed.

"Well...no" she admitted, clearly embarrassed. She still needed to know why he was looking at her though. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she repeated and Kaz subtly rolled his eyes. "Tell me" she insisted once again.

"Freya or Medusa or whatever you want to be called, I do not in fact recognise you. I do not know neither you nor what you want from me." he cleared his throat, "I was looking at you in order to try to remember and despite my impeccable memory, I do not recall you at all." he stated honestly. At least that's what he showed. 

"I did not expect you to remember me, Kaz" she said softly, "because when I left home you would have been about a year old." she said, her disappointment coming out in the form of words. "I did hope though that someone, your father, your mother, or maybe even your brother would have told you about me" the hope her voice was filled with did not reflect in her eyes, that were probably aware of the sad truth: false hopes. Her own blood was failing her again, her father leaving as soon as her mother died giving birth to her, her brother sending her to work since she was 14 because money was too tight at the time, her daughter dying in her own hands unwilling to fight death... The vicious cycle repeating itself all over again. 

"Help me recall" Kaz whispered and for a moment Freya thought he was thinking out loud. "Help me recall", and this time he looked deep in her eyes as if trying to give her hope, as if he cared about her, as if he was looking for the same answers as her, as if he hoped that somewhere in this world there was at least one single person that was family. She prayed she did not mistake the look in his eyes. She would tell him. She would tell him everything if it meant there was a chance, even a slim one, for him to remember something, anything.

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Why did he say that? It was desperate, out of character, he had put absolutely no thought into it. And he said it twice. Twice. How stupid of him. She will use that against him. It looked like a weakness. It was a weakness. A very powerful one actually. It was too late to take it back though. 

Freya had closed her eyes and was traveling back in time, back to when she was a child... She could do that at least. She seemed to love and cherish her childhood, at least until she left home. Kaz could not do that. He was repulsed by every beautiful memory just because he knew that sooner or later everything would change and it would be ripped to shreds. His childhood was brutally stolen when he was nine and would not come back just because an aunt decided to randomly spawn into his life. And besides, he knew too well that he was not ready to listen to someone talk to him about his family. It would certainly break him even more if that was even possible. Kaz still needed answers though. Was he ready to hear them?

While he was fighting not to drown in his own thoughts, Freya was talking to him. He could not hear her. It was like he was under water. Everything paused. He felt sick to his stomach. He was drowning again. But this time, someone was tugging at his arm, as if trying to wake him up. When he realised that Freya had grabbed him and was shaking him, he startled. He was not unconscious. He did not know what happened to him. He just froze. And Freya was looking at him concerned and terrified, now gently stroking his upper arm, asking him if he was okay.

"I'm fine" he said briskly as he broke free from her grip and tried his best to come to completely. 

"You don't look fine", she was definitely concerned, "you're white as a ghost, zoning out and trembling" she said, obviously worried.

"I am fine." he repeated because, for the first time, he was lost and did not know what else to say. He was not fine. He had almost passed out and that woman helped him regain complete consciousness. Only Inej had managed to do that before, only she was given the right to. His vulnerable self was no exhibit and if he kept acting like that it would swiftly become the greatest attraction at the fun park named Ketterdam. He knew that people show their vulnerability when they feel safe, but why the hell did he feel safe with someone he had just met, someone he did not even know, someone who claimed to share the same blood with him even though he did not remember her?

"If you are not comfortable with me whatsoever, tell me" she said softly, as if she had understood his need to be given space.

"I'm good" he said quickly, wanting to avoid this type of conversation, "just talk." He was surely surprised by himself. Whether he was ready or not, he had to listen, he had to seem alright. 

"Sure... I guess", she had seen how lost he was. Shit. "So... When I was seven or eight, I learnt how to braid hair. I used to practice on Megan and I mastered the skill. Since then she always had a braided hairstyle. I made my first batch of waffles at the age of ten..." she let out a breathy exhale, "I set fire to the kitchen. But next time it was much better and I didn't burn anything. Since then I made it a point to make waffles with fruit for the whole family every Sunday morning. While I would still be making them, Jordie would come in and would ask for 'just a bite' with extra syrup. He always wanted to pour it himself and made a huge mess, but I never told Nathan and Megan about it. They would have never let me make waffles again" good old times, she did not say it, but Kaz read her expression. He could read her like a book. At this point, he hoped that didn't go both ways. He was on the verge of a panic attack, but he told himself it could not happen again. Well, at least not in front of anything that was breathing. Freya noticed his distress again. She had paused and was looking at him. I don't like this shit, he almost whispered and he picked up his pace.

"It's okay to not feel okay" yeah, no shit. What is not okay is to show it, he thought.

"Whatever" he said, obviously angry at the remark, "continue" he told her abruptly.

"Where was I?" she asked as if she genuinely forgot what she was talking about. She was doing it to see if Kaz was paying attention. He was.

"Waffles, that's what you were talking about" he said in a neutral tone.

" Oh yes. One time, a few weeks before I left, Jordie tried to give you a waffle but your mother got there before you choked. He was saying "the waffles are so good today and the baby cannot miss it" while he was pouting and whining. It was quite a sight" she laughed. Kaz knew that. It showed. He had gulped audibly and was staring at Freya. She realised again. "Has anyone told you about that incident?" Of course, he thought and nodded. He couldn't bring himself to respond with words. She got the message nonetheless. "Do you want me to tell you more?" 

"No" he looked down at his cane, trying to feel its comfort, "let's say I believe you" he said, once again surprised at how he responded so instinctively. "I see who you are. The other question is about what you want from me."

"I want my family" she said as if it was the simplest thing in the world while maintaining eye contact. "I know that's not possible, I am no fool", it was official, she could read him like a book. It was horrifying. "but, if you can of course, I would like to know what happened to them. No family is wiped out like that, unless there is war" her eyes were sad again and were holding his. 

"It is very simple actually." What was he doing? Well, not thinking, if that is even an answer. "Megan died when I was little from fever. Nathan was devastated. In a few years, during the outburst of firepox, he passed as well. The farm was in debt and we could not pay it off so Jordie and I came here for business opportunities. We got scammed and turned homeless. We caught firepox on the street and he died. Kaz Rietveld died as well. That was when Kaz Brekker was born." he said in a steady voice. He couldn't believe it he was speaking those words in such a neutral simple tone. It was like he was telling a kid a bedtime story, like talking to himself, or writing in a diary he could only have access to. He shivered. He was not cold. His body was burning. He did not feel like he was drowning. He felt... normal. If that was a thing of course. Freya was still there, looking at him as he spoke, possibly trying to read his expression. He looked back at her. Cold. Ruthless. No. At that moment he was neither cold nor ruthless, he was not the King of the Barrel, not a bastard and a thief, he was Kaz, not Brekker, not Dirtyhands. He was Kaz Rietveld. That was impossible. Kaz Rietveld had drowned long ago. Jordie was looking at him from the corner laughing at how easily he gave in and told her everything. Well, not everything. He conveniently left out the part where he almost drowned in a pile of bodies, and then in a body of water, and then ever since he felt human skin. 

Then he realised. Freya had her hand on his shoulder, caressing it. He did not even flinch. He did not react. At all. He just stood there, feeling the weight of her hand on him. He held her gaze, full of empathy. Her eyes alone were saying I am sorry for what you had to endure. 

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Poor kid. He did not deserve that. He did not deserve any of what happened. She could not bare the thought of little Kaz all alone in the streets of Ketterdam. With no one to help him. No one to tell him it was going to be okay. No one to lend a sympathetic ear. No one to comfort him. All alone. She knew that feeling. She knew how it was to have no one. But what would she say to him? I am sorry? I am here now? Pathetic. Didn't matter any more. It had already happened. What would she do? Rewind her life and stay at the farm? If only she didn't leave. 

Nathan was wrong. She should have stayed. She could have found a job around the region. Look after a child, run errands for a farm, anything. Too late. She could not have thought about it. He could though. He was older, more experienced, smarter. He was wrong. The thought hit her like a brick. It hurt to even consider it. She had never doubted her brother. He always knew better. He never acted on impulse. Before doing anything he had taken the time to think. Think before you act. He had told her that. Trust your gut. She always did ever since. What about now? Her gut was silent. Too silent. She hated silence. It was always too loud, overwhelming. She couldn't focus. She needed noise to cope. Any noise, any sound. It brought her peace.

She had to say something. Or do something. Well, anyways, very sad, yes, indeed. Want to go buy some good whiskey and drink till we don't remember about any of this? She could not say that. She looked down. Freya was lost once again. She needed a hug. Or two bottles of whiskey. Or both. 

"Do you want to come to my place instead? I got some damn good whiskey" that was the best she could do at the moment. Awkward but the only logical thing. She had at least thought before she said anything.

"Finally a good suggestion" he murmured as if he hadn't just told her about his too tragic past. "Where do you live?"

"Near West Stave, behind the coffee shop" she paused. It's a little too far, she realised, he can't walk that far with the cane. But, wasn't the Slat too far as well? She reconsidered what Kaz had suggested earlier. Did he want to go to the Slat, or did he just need some time to understand what was going on, to make sure she didn't have other motives? Probably the second.

"A little far" he noticed, "but we can make it work"

"Well, we can steal a horse if you want to" 

"Now I am concerned" he said, pure sarcasm in his voice.

"Oh please" she laughed, "doesn't everyone steal horses in their free time when they are too tired to walk?" she tried to lighten the mood.

"Not necessarily horses" he admitted.

"Right now, a horse would be nice" she insisted. She had stolen a horse too many times. The best part was that she had never gotten caught.

"Do you have any specific in mind?" 

"Of course, sweetheart" she smirked. "Just a few blocks away" she said and tilted her head towards the place.

"Just to be clear, though, we are not riding together" he stated with certainty. 

"The horse is big enough for both of us. Plus, I won't cling to you" she said to reassure him. "I just hope you don't fall. If you do, though, be sure I will catch you... After laughing my ass off" she rolled her eyes and smirked again.

"I will not fall" he said with certainty, "And even if I do, be sure I will find a way to catch myself before I hit the ground." Sarcastic little bastard. 

"Good. Let's go then." 

He had countered her every remark, every joke, every hidden insult she had shot him with. It was not what she was used to and damn. It was kind of impressing actually. She was having a good time. Well, if you exclude the part where she almost broke down in front of him and the part where he told her about his family's deaths.

They passed the blocks relatively quickly. She stopped right in front of a door of a small barn. Freya picked the lock easily and right as soon as she did so, she noticed Kaz raising slightly his eyebrows. She went inside alone and, without making too much noise, came outside within minutes with the horse. She had tied a piece of fabric around its mouth and was gently petting its neck to keep it from being noisy or trying to run away. She put the lock back together and got on the horse. Kaz climbed right behind her, but kept a noticeable distance between them. She got the horse to walk and made sure to take the most isolated pathways and alleys. 

She was not doing all that to impress him. She never did anything for attention. She thought it was pathetic. Whenever she chose to do something, she did it for her, never for someone else. She learnt how to use a gun by watching people, she had tried different techniques she had seen trying to master the art of shooting. She learnt how to pick locks because some drunk barrel rat was trying to impress her and revealed to her that the secret to pick a lock, is to know how to dismantle it and put it back together. She learnt how to fistfight watching men outside gambling houses, brothels and notorious bars. Whenever she was interested in something, she followed a simple routine. Watch. Notice. Trial and error. That was how she perfected any skill she wanted to learn. Plus, she wanted something new every once in a while. She would get bored of something as soon as she had learnt how to do it perfectly and then jump to something else. 

The only thing she never got bored of was her gun. A lovely black revolver with a distinctive golden strip on top. She had won that beauty at a bet. The guy was devastated when he lost but was fair and gave it to her. She was twenty-four. It was the first gun she owned. She was fascinated. She had taken great care of it ever since. It was obvious that Freya had fallen in love with her revolver. She trusted it. She loved its sweet sound. She found peace every time she shot with it, every time she hit someone on the head with it. Whenever she tried to use another gun, it didn't feel quite right. She did have a spare pistol, but her hand felt empty every time she used it.

"You said you can aim" Kaz interrupted her thoughts, "and I would like to see how well" he said in a low voice so as to not disturb the horse.

"And they say I am unhinged" she scoffed, "but since it involves my love, whenever you feel like it is good for me."

"Tomorrow, sunrise I'll be at your place to see" he said strictly yet in a low, calming tone.

"Okay, deal" she said simply.

Why did he want to see her aim? The thought lingered in her head, driving her crazy. She was too curious. Was Kaz Brekker in need of new crew? A sharpshooter maybe? That Jesper kid was his sharpshooter, a Zemeni fabricator. She had learnt that when she was stalking Kaz. Was he not in the Crow Club anymore? Had something happened? She felt bad for the kid. She didn't mean to replace him. To be honest, she could never. Jesper was younger, taller, could probably see better and Grisha. There was no way she could be as good as he was, let alone be better. She had figured he and Kaz were like brothers. She would never replace him, she promised to herself.

They arrived at her house shortly after that conversation. She opened the front door, let Kaz in, told him to get comfortable and went to the back of the house to tie the horse in the small yard, serve it some water and an apple. She did not mind Kaz looking around her stuff. She did not have anything in her possession that would be suspicious and she was sure he wouldn't judge the pistol underneath her pillow, or the knife on the nightstand.

Chapter Text

Kaz looked around. It was barely a house after all. There were three rooms: a kitchen, a bedroom and a bathroom. It was convenient for someone who lived alone though.

To his right was a desk with music sheets and some letters. Unopened letters addressed to his father's farm. She was really looking for them. The nightstand next to the bed had a knife on top. Within reach if she was sleeping and someone broke in, he thought. Maybe his long lost aunt wasn't just a common troubadour. On the other side of the room, behind the open kitchen door was a map of Ketterdam on which the Slat was circled with red marker. His eyes wandered for any other marks and he saw an 'X' drawn where he guessed Wylan's mansion was located. Kaz couldn't help but wonder why she had crossed it out and how she even knew exactly where it was. She was known to wander all over Ketterdam within a few days. She must have known the city like the back of her hand. That's good. He then checked the closet. There were long-sleeved shirts and dresses, shorts, pants, some type of gear, boots, heels, gloves, jackets, sweaters and, to his surprise, baby clothes. Prepared for anything. As he walked over to the kitchen, he couldn't help but notice a cradle with some stuffed animals and a piece of paper filled with what he guessed were song lyrics.

He did not know Freya pretty well, yet he felt like something was off. She could be a criminal, a mother, maybe both. He couldn't tell. He could not imagine someone like her to be a mother. Whether she was or not, one thing was for sure: something must have happened to her. 

In the kitchen there was a stove, still warm, and a casserole with roast meat. He also noticed that all the knives were sharpened on the counter. He sat by the table and waited for her. 

When she came back, she opened the cupboard by the stove, took out two bottles of fine whiskey and two glasses and set them on the table. Freya then poured a little too much in each glass. She didn't raise a toast, neither did he. He got the message. No small talk. Still, it felt more than just two alcoholics drinking their sorrows away in silence. The first glass went down, then the second, the third. Freya was starting to get a little tipsy. Kaz didn't bother to refrain her from drinking more. She was a 'big girl' after all. He still had questions, too many of them, and whether she liked it or not, he needed the answers.

"When was the first time you used a gun?" he finally spoke. There was a pause. For a moment Kaz thought she hadn't heard him.

"I was seven" she said, not taking her eyes off her glass, "and I wanted to kill a fox" she exhaled. "It was after our hens", she explained. "I did, but after that, Nathan never let me near his hunting stuff again", she huffed, annoyed.

"And what about the second?"

"A guy taught me how to aim, while I was at Van Eck's, I must have been about sixteen", she paused and shivered. Van Eck's. That's why she had a cross mark on his house on the map. "Then, I got my revolver when I won at a bet when I was twenty-four."

"So, you can say that you are experienced"

"On that domain, I am. I never miss when I shoot." she said in a serious tone, as if she had sobered up.

"That is good."

Another long pause. Silence was nice, mysterious, yet it bothered him now. Then he realised. He was alone, without his gang. He missed his crew. Each one of them, even Matthias. They were the closest he ever had to friends. He missed sitting with Inej in silence, Jesper annoying the hell out of everyone, Nina flirting with literally everyone and everything, Wylan slowly becoming much more than a pampered little boy and Matthias, even though he called him a demon. He didn't just put up with them. He liked them. They were special. They were his team. His crew. His friends.

"What happened to your sharpshooter, Jesper?" Freya asked out of the blue.

"He had a better opportunity" he said simply, as if Jesper was just an employee, as if he didn't love him as a brother.

"Okay" she seemed satisfied with his answer. 

"Is Wylan doing good?" too many questions.

"Yes. How do you know him?" Kaz wanted to know why she was at Wylan's mansion and most importantly, why she had literally crossed it out of the map.

"I was his nanny for nine years" she confessed, "I left a while after Miss Marya 'passed'" she sighed, "I still care about him though" she said under her breath. "Are you still in touch with him?" 

"Not exactly, why do you ask?"

"I...would like to say hello, catch up with him" she said hesitantly.

"And why would you wait seven years for that?" 

"I... Um... Had some issues with... Mister Van Eck"

"He has been in jail for over a month. I bet you can pass by to say hello and catch up." Petty. That was good. That was Kaz indeed.

"I mean... I sure can..." she whispered not taking her eyes off her glass, obviously shaken. Kaz recognised the look in her eyes. Inej had the exact same look whenever they passed by the Menagerie or whenever Tante Heleen was mentioned. Anyone without a traumatic past in this gang? Of course not. Why would they? He thought to himself, annoyed at the fact. He emptied his glass, none too slowly.

"Is that Suli girl, the Wraith, your girl?" she asked. He was stunned. He couldn't have expected that. Freya's questions were all unhinged, and she was drunk after all. Kaz still couldn't understand why he let her ask him such questions. Any other person, drunk or sober, wouldn't dare to even cross Dirtyhands, let alone ask him anything personal.

"No" he said firmly in a raspy voice, showing no emotion whatsoever, yet he was sweating and his heart was racing. 

"You sure, honey?" She insisted. What a lovely day to practically commit suicide, has thought on behalf of her.

"Inej is not my girl" he technically growled. 

"What a pity. You two would be so cute together" she shook her head in disapproval.

"How do you want to die tonight?" How, not if.

"Ohhh, someone's got a crush" she teased. 

"If you go on for a little more, I won't even let you choose", he glared at her.

"Well... If I have to chose, then I would like to be shot in the head" she said in a tone which could both be serious and sarcastic. "I am still shipping you two, though."

"Shut. Up." 

"Make me"

"I don't like this shit"

"That's why I'm doing it"

"You are getting on every single one of my nerves"

"That was the point, love" she battered her eyelashes at him.

"Why have I not beaten you up or killed you yet?"

"Are you asking me or yourself?"

"The question was rhetorical"

"Do I look like I care?"

"No"

"The question was rhetorical"

"You are too annoying"

"Thank you"

"It wasn't a fucking compliment, Freya"

"Kaz, language!"

"Is it only okay when you curse, isn't it?"

"I am an adult, while you are seventeen"

"Oh, please. As if you didn't invite me over to drink with you"

"What else was I supposed to do? Give you a hug? Or maybe a compassionate pat on the shoulder? Oh, I know something even better. A kiss on the top of your head and a promise it will all be alright. Let me know if you have a better suggestion or any special preferences."

"I... Don't." he was at a loss for words. What the hell was happening to him? He was pissed at Freya, at himself, at the whiskey. Kaz, the criminal prodigy who could fabricate fifteen backup plans on demand in the blink of an eye could not think of anything better to say. Freya had the same attitude as him. It irritated him. Yet he somewhat enjoyed having someone just as sassy and dramatic as he was. He enjoyed her company. She reminded him of something, someone, familiar. He would never admit it though. He was still questioning himself about this whole long lost aunt thing after all.

"You know", she broke the silence once again, "our big brothers never had a big brother of their own" she stated like a depressed philosopher. There was deeper thought beneath that. She didn't just say shit like that only because she was drunk.

"That's true" he admitted, "but mine had a big sister of his own" he muttered. Why had he switched off that part of his brain that thought and just straight up said everything that came to his mind? That wasn't like him. Kaz Brekker wasn't like that. Kaz Brekker was calculated, strategic, cunning, cold, stoic, ruthless. Even his breathing was abiding by his plans. Most of his life was an ongoing crisis, and he had learnt to hide it well, but what in the crisis was that? He could barely recognise himself.

"He did..." she whispered, interrupting his thoughts, "till he was six" she said bitterly.

Kaz did not respond. She was right. Freya was just a faded memory to Jordie. Jordie, for Kaz, was always the one who knew better, the protector, the big brother. That's the Jordie he knew. But what about the Jordie he never got to meet? What about little Jordie, who liked his waffles with extra syrup and had someone to look up to? What about him? It didn't matter any more. He was dead. He is dead. Kaz felt like he was choking. His throat was throbbing. He was drowning again yet Jordie was long gone. He was too stupid, too foolish, just a farm boy filled with hope. And Pekka took advantage of that. Why did that still ache? Isn't it supposed to fade after some time? Wasn't Pekka still on the run from him? What more could he want? More revenge? Whatever he did to Pekka would never be enough. It's not like he could bring him back.

"If only I never left" Freya murmured. 

Alcohol was apparently not a good idea. If she started to cry again, Kaz was certain he would lose his mind, if he hadn't already. He couldn't blame her though. She was young and foolish, like Jordie, she didn't know any better. He was uncomfortable with the truth. What a feeling. He felt depression rearing her head over him once again. He needed to change the subject, alter the mood, the room, the damn whiskey, everything. He couldn't stand it. It was too much. He couldn't breathe.

Chapter Text

Freya was drunk again. It was common occurrence ever since she lost her daughter. She was grieving. She believed whiskey would fix her internal wounds, at least for a while, she believed it would make her forget, but every single time it proved her wrong. Every single time it brought her back to when she lost everything. She was blaming herself. She was at fault for everything, no matter how old she was, no matter that she did not get the privilege of choice. She suddenly had a moment of clarity. Kaz would be judging.

"Just so you know, I am not always drunk and depressed" she muttered, embarrassed at herself.

"Do you expect me to believe you?" his eyes did the talking themselves. He did not believe her. He was disappointed. He expected something more than a mentally unstable alcoholic troubadour with a gun. He probably expected someone to whom he could talk to, someone he could trust, someone who could help him.

"I don't" she sighed. She put her glass down, disgusted at its sight alone. She was not an alcoholic. She just liked to drink every now and then. Lies. She had found peace in whiskey. It was comforting. It helped her relax. It helped her black out. That was the important thing. Since when was blacking out the entire point of drinking? She could not remember. Maybe that was the goal after all. Forget. Everything would be so much easier if she could just forget. 

Forgetting was not an option anymore, though. She had found Kaz, she wanted to help him, get to know him, build her life again. She had a motive to live. Until then, her songs and her gun were the ones ensuring her survival. Until then, she just existed. Always drunk. Always hiding her depression. Always showing off. Performing for people helped her distract herself. The hustle made her shut down her thoughts. Not anymore. 

She got up, washed her glass, set it aside. She noticed Kaz scrutinizing her. She had some water. Sat again by the table.

"You don't have to stop drinking just because I don't believe you when you say you're not always drunk" he said indifferently.

"I am not doing it for you" she paused. "Technically, I am, but not in the way you're thinking... Let's just say that I realised something I should have too long ago." Let's just say, she mocked herself. She had better things to say, better arguments to defend herself. She didn't have to defend herself. She was who she was because of what had happened to her. She did what she did to cope with what had happened to her. She didn't owe anyone explanations or apologies. She owed herself a life. And she was going to get it.

"Why is there a baby cradle in here?", Kaz interrupted her train of thoughts.

"I had a daughter"

"Had?"

"Yes... Had. She died when she was a few months old from the plague." she said, her eyes swelling with tears. Not again. "I can't bring myself to throw her stuff away." She blinked the tears away. Crying in front of him again would be pathetic to say the least. 

"I see", Kaz nodded, "you haven't thought about having another child though?"

"No" she yelled. By her tone anyone would have guessed that Kaz had asked her something absurd, or sick, or both. "I mean, no... Just... Sorry... Crap..." She screwed up. Kaz was trying to understand what was going on and she shut him down. She felt she was going mad. Unhinged? That could be justified. Loud? Again, justified. But having such emotional outbursts whether she was drunk or not could certainly not be justified in any way. She was not a child anymore. She was a grown woman. She needed self control for everyone's sake.

"Um... Okay, I guess"

"I'm sorry for how I reacted... It's something I... I can't talk about it. Can we never mention anything about children in the future?"

"We sure can", he nodded.

Freya suddenly felt like throwing up. She barely made it to the toilet before vomiting. How much did she have to drink? She washed herself, came back and excused herself to poor Kaz who, surprisingly, was still putting up with her. She looked at the empty bottle. She had drunk more than six glasses of whiskey. She also didn't remember eating anything after lunch. Those justify the vomit.

"Don't bother" Kaz said as if he actually didn't bother.

"Kaz, I will need you to be honest with me" she said after a while. "Are you thinking of recruiting me for the Dregs?"

"Don't flatter yourself. I just want to see if you're worthy enough."

"Well, do keep in mind that your previous sharpshooter was an obsessive gambler who couldn't keep his mouth shut before making your mind" she sarcastically said and smirked at him. Sober Freya was back, and damn she really enjoyed it.

"You do not talk like that about Jes" Kaz replied in a heartbeat, glaring at her.

"He's your friend" 

"No one's my friend"

"Just admit it, it won't harm you"

"I won't and it most likely will", he said and barely managed to take a breath to continue, but she interrupted him.

"If you dare to start blabbering about how it'll hurt your 'bad boy persona' and people are going to take advantage of you having" she audibly gasped "feelings, I am certain I'll go mad."

"I don't blabber"

"Briefly describe in a vague manner"

"That's more like it"

Freya mocked him under her breath and Kaz snorted in response. She then began laughing and banging her hand on the table.

"What?" 

"Bad boy persona"

"Is it that funny?"

"The funny part" she laughed again "is that you didn't deny having a bad boy persona"

"I am going to ask you something very crucial." he said in a too serious tone. "How stupid are you?"

"I'm not actually... You are no fun, though, that's why you find me stupid"

"Define fun"

"Good jokes, sense of humour, conflict including guns or fistfights, going to the theatre or a music festival, committing arson, only for a good reason, attending a ball, stuff like that. Oh, and drinking with good company"

"I would agree to less than half in your list. You may need to add some more 'spice', and certainly subtract the theatre slash music festival slash ball."

"That could work as well"

"My plans always work"

"Don't flatter yourself, sweetheart"

"Can we unanimously agree to cancel such pet names?"

"Absolutely not"

"Why not?"

"Because then I will have to come up with an actual nickname for you"

"Why not use my name like everyone else?"

"I'm not everyone else. Plus I like to add a little sparkle to everything" she winked.

Kaz didn't reply. He just rolled his eyes, probably annoyed at Freya. She truly enjoyed teasing him. It was her way of showing affection ever since she was a child. Nathan loved it and never missed the chance to tease her back, unlike Megan who just scrunched her nose. Jordie used to cry at first, but quickly adjusted to it and started to take it as a compliment. 

"Ask whatever you need to know about me" she turned to Kaz again who stared at her, apparently confused by her statement. "I have figured you have been beating around the bush and avoiding asking me serious stuff, so let me make it easier for you", she broke it down for him so that he would be more comfortable asking her what he wanted.

"Whatever I want?", he raised his eyebrow.

"Whatever you want, I won't dodge any question" she assured him.

Chapter Text

He and Freya talked all night long. Kaz was trying to get to know her, to see if he could trust her and, in a somewhat indirect way, to recruit her in the Dregs. By making her a Crow, he would be risking a lot. His reputation. His name. His gang. His family. It seemed strange to him, the word family playing all over his head. It had been a while. He considered her family. That was even worse than liking Inej. Inej had instilled in him the values that he had fought with himself to forget. Those values still haunted him. Now his aunt would be the last straw. Kaz Rietveld was coming back from the dead. It was terrifying.

He needed time. A whole lot of it. He had to find a way to suppress every sentiment and emotion that was coming to the surface of his mind. That used to be much easier in the past. The thought of having feelings again caused him an unbearable headache. He didn't even realise he was aggressively rubbing his left temple.

"Would you like some hot chai?"

"Why?"

"Well, I can see you have a headache. Chai usually helps"

"What do you put in it?"

"Banned herbs from the black market probably. Oh and some powdered jurda."

"What do you actually put in it?"

"Let me show you" she nodded and they both headed over the cupboard by the stove. Freya opened it, took out a jar with leaves and herbs and explained with great detail what each leaf and herb did, where they were from and how they could be used. Kaz listened to her carefully and slowly came to realise that his mother used something similar to Freya's leaves and herbs to make a hot beverage that would alleviate head and tummy aches, muscle tension and help keep the body warm during winter.

Kaz eventually agreed to have chai on condition that she drank some too. She then boiled the herbs with some lemon slices for a while, then strained the chai in two cups. She added a teaspoon of honey in her cup and reached to add some in Kaz's drink as well, but he declined. Freya motioned him to sit by the table again and reached in the cupboard to grab a few rusks and set them on a napkin. She had one first, understanding his trust issues with literally everyone and everything, and seemed surprised when he ate two of them. He didn't remember having anything during the day apart from a few cups of black coffee and whiskey. These rusks with the chai would be more than enough normally, yet he didn't feel full. He didn't care though. He felt cozy. Improbable. In this case, impossible.

"Do you feel any better?" Freya asked him softly in a tone that resembled his mother's.

"I am good" Kaz responded, in an attempt to show how grateful he was. He wasn't good at being touchy-feely. He was indeed not good. Freya risked getting her identity leaked, getting mocked in the Barrel, stole a horse so that he didn't have to walk, created space for him because she saw he needed it, put him in her own home, comforted him one too many times, made him chai for his headache and fed him. And he couldn't say a damn thank you to her. She had treated him like a son and he could physically not get himself to show he genuinely appreciated that.

Trying to distract himself, he started thinking. He wanted to see her aim. Did he, though? He hadn't run Jesper through a test. He didn't need to test her. And even if he did, he would most probably waste his time. And time would be money. There was a better alternative. There was a job she could do. That would be the test. It was pretty basic but through it, Kaz would see if she was actually worth it. Anika would initially be the one to carry it out, but she needn't do every minor thing just because. Basically, it was all about scaring a few thugs from other gangs that had been acting up. He would not engage himself in the job, but he would observe if need be. It was perfect.

"I changed my mind about dawn."

"Okay...?" Freya was surprised.

"Your 'test' will be an actual mission. It will be of better use to me when I see you on a job. I want to see how you work. You screw up and you face the consequences. No safety. No backing up. Are you up for it?"

"I'm ready for it" she said simply, "I have nothing to lose, Brekker" she winked. "Just tell me want you want me to do, pretty boy", Kaz winced at the pet name but ignored it and briefly explained what she had to do the night after.

"Shit" Freya whispered after a while, "I have to put the horse back before the sun rises" she told Kaz and shortly after, with no further explanation, she left. 

She had trusted him with her home? That could be convenient. He had the time to search the entire house, potentially find out everything about her. He looked in every corner for... He didn't know what yet. He just looked. 

He was going through a drawer of her nightstand when something small and furry crawled between his legs. He froze for a moment. Then he looked down in a somewhat calm state. A cat. A black cat with big green eyes. It was staring at him, curling its tail on his leg.

"Are you hungry or something?" 

Meow. Of course. Kaz gave the cat belly rubs, who was a she. He then went to the kitchen, put some roast meat on a plate then set it on the floor under the window for the cat. He sat again by the table and waited.

"I see you met Jade" Freya said as soon as she walked in on Kaz petting the cat.

"You didn't care enough to mention having a fur ball" Kaz mumbled, in an attempt to seem annoyed. He wasn't annoyed. Cats are nice. The apex predator with a ten-pound body that requires attention and is somewhat unpredictable. He liked them.

"I didn't think you'd mind" she shrugged. "Oh, I also have some business to do... So I have to leave again... Feel free to eat, sleep, shower or do whatever. Just don't break anything. Promise I'll be on time for the job." she said in a rush then left again.

Kaz didn't have much to do. He didn't want to leave. He had nothing to arrange during the day coming. Everything was in place at the Slat. It was far from ideal. He was constantly telling himself he hadn't expected all that. A part of him did. A part of him wanted Medusa to be Freya. That part was supposed to be drowning in the ocean. It wasn't drowning. It had risen from the water. It was sunbathing on a beach shooting him with carefree glances. That part was free again. What a shame.

He eventually grew bored of philosophies. He went to the bed. Feel free to eat sleep, shower... What the hell? She didn't know him. Anyways. He had nothing else to do, so he laid on the bed when he felt something poking him underneath the pillow. A pistol. Perfect. His eyelids felt heavy and before he knew it he was asleep.

He woke up pissed after what felt like days with Jade on his chest. She was staring at him with her piercing green eyes. He stared back. Freya walked in on them again. Soundlessly. He flinched. The cat got off him, scared.

"You okay?" Freya asked him, concerned.

"Yeah, yeah" he said, still half-asleep.

"Are you ready?"

"It's afternoon, isn't it?"

"Hmm... Do you want coffee?"

"I'll make it myself"

He got up, Freya showed him around the kitchen and he made himself a cup of black coffee. Good quality. Every edible in the house was of good quality. She had some coffee as well, wore her work boots, braided her hair and twisted it in a bun, covered it with her hood and left. 

Kaz had given her specific orders. She was to go to each gang's lodge without being seen or heard, leave something behind and be gone as she came. A very simple routine for each gang. Starting off with the Black Tips. Then, the Razorgulls. Last would be the Dime Lions. 

Freya took the lead and started with a quick pace towards the Black Tips' lodge, walking through common areas for Barrel thugs. Kaz followed, slower, pacing through the isolated alleys and pathways. Freya was swift and precise, carrying out the first two parts with ease, but when she was at the Dime Lions', she came out with a twenty-minute delay, a red mark across her face and a cut on her lower lip. She was also limping. Failed, probably, Kaz thought, instantly regretting sending her where her ex boyfriend would be. He had to know, though, how it would go. After a while, she disappeared from his gaze and he headed back to the Slat, where he had arranged she should be.

When he entered his room, Freya was standing by the window looking down. "What did you do at the Lions' den?" he said in a low angry tone. 

"What you asked me to do" she replied in the same tone.

"Don't test me, Medusa. I saw you. Tell me what you did."

She hesitated, but told him everything. It was crowded, so she couldn't get in easily. She almost stumbled on a few gang members, but she got in without anyone noticing her. She tried to get out from a back door, one that very few knew even existed. Eamon had told her. She ran into him and two of his sidekicks. They had lunged at her but she managed to knock them unconscious. They didn't expect her to defend herself. She strangled them and left a note.

"What did the note say?" Kaz asked her, questioning himself whether what he had just heard was fictional.

"Payback" she whispered. 

Kaz had Rotty check the Lions' lodge no longer than half an hour later and he confirmed the three bodies and the note. The Dime Lions had no longer a leader, that was bad indeed. What was worse, was the fact that they may be able to figure out who had killed him.

Medusa was recruited in the Dregs the same night. She insisted that the tattoo go on her upper thigh, instead of her arm. As she wishes as long as she gets it, Kaz said.

Chapter Text

Jesper was starting to get used to his new life. He would wake up early in the mornings to help Wylan with all the paperwork until noon. Then they would have lunch with Wylan's mother, which was a pleasure to talk to. Most afternoons he would have private lessons with a Grisha teacher so that he could master his power as a Durast. He had made great improvement, yet he had a long way ahead of him. Once in a while he would go to play the stock markets with money that was limited to a couple hundred krudge. Wylan wouldn't allow him any more because he feared he would relapse. He wasn't so obsessed with gambling anymore, though. He didn't lust after the thrill of the cards or the roulette. He simply saw it as a hobby. It was strange, even to him. Yet it was a part of himself, so he paid his respects to the gambling houses. He would also correspond with his father via letters. The farm was doing good. Everything was on track again.

Tonight is a game night, Jesper whispered as he passed the alleys. He knew these neighbourhoods like the back of his hand. They were bad news when he first started wandering in them, but now, it felt like visiting an old friend. No one would never take them away from him. Apart from the game, he missed all the gossip that spread around the houses faster than the plague.

He felt an adrenaline rush as he walked into the gambling house, more faded than it used to be, but he wouldn't deny it was there. He heard whispers, shouts and grumbling as he walked over to a familiar table. First game. Second. Not a single loss. He kept going. Quickly came the gossiping.

Someone from the Dregs had broken into all the other big gangs' lodges and left 'souvenirs'. They came and left unseen and unheard. "Could it be the Wraith?", "No, she couldn't be."

The Dime Lions' leader was found strangled in his own base. A note, payback, someone had written. Many of the Lions are fighting for his place. They are delaying the funeral as much as they can. A cousin of his claims to be the one to take after him.

Dirtyhands has just recruited a new sharpshooter, a woman. She hadn't been in a gang before. She was a troubadour in the most notorious alleys of Ketterdam. Medusa, they call her.

Jesper froze. He had to know that Kaz wouldn't leave his crew without a gunman, yet it hit him like a bullet in the chest. He was hurt. He felt replaced, expendable and jealous. A new sharpshooter. Of course. He had lost Kaz's trust long ago. Deep down, he still believed he cared for him, even after all that he had done.

He quit the game, which was unusual for him, but he promised to resume it. Jealousy and rage lead him to the Slat. She must have been there. Kaz must have been there. He didn't think. He didn't want to. For what reason would he go there? He didn't know.

He stormed in, looking for her. He passed Kaz and Rotty, who were drinking by the bar and went straight to a woman he didn't recognise sitting with Anika. With one hand he grabbed the hem of her blouse and technically lift her in the air while he pointed his gun at her with his other. She was startled and flinched, but did not seem frightened.

"Jesper, dear" she said calmly, "let me down if you may." Why did she know who he was?

"Why?" he yelled at her and her eyes flashed. She understood why he was there.

"I do not mean to replace you" she spoke softly, as if to a toddler having a tantrum. "Even if I wanted to, I could never." She was neither threatened nor threatening. She didn't seem afraid. She was poised. What the hell again?

"Of course you can't" he huffed.

Kaz was glaring at them. He motioned for Rotty and Anika to get out of there. He didn't say a word. What would he say? Jesper, what the hell are you doing? Or maybe, something like get the hell out of my lodge asshole? 

Jesper was full of rage. In the blink of an eye he put his gun back and threw a punch at Medusa. She punched back. Kaz was watching them intently while he was sipping his whiskey. They were both swinging. Medusa ended up with his hand around her throat back against the wall. She then kicked him hard in the stomach and he stumbled back. Before he had the time to lunge forward, someone had grabbed him by the collar and was yelling at him. Medusa seemed to shiver at his sight.

"Wylan, what the hell are you doing here?", he yelled back at him when he turned and saw who he was.

"I was supposed to be the one asking that!" Wylan glared at him. Jesper couldn't form a single sentence. Yes you are right. I shouldn't be here. Neither should you. He stared at him instead. What would happen next? Kaz would probably kick them both out and they would never be welcome in the Slat again. He would lose even that little scrap of fondness he was sure Kaz had for him and he would also drag Wylan that way with him.

Medusa coughed and cleared her throat. He had forgotten about her momentarily. Kaz was still staring at them with what looked like a mix of disappointment and anger.

"Are you done?" she rasped. Her voice sounded too harsh. I did that, Jesper thought and looked down with guilt. "That's what I thought." she spat and tried to fix her blouse. He took in her image, her face red, her lip cut, her neck reddened and swollen, her knuckles bruised and full of cuts, her blouse torn and a little bloodied. He looked at himself. He wasn't in a better state either. The whole thing was a very very bad idea. And, as always, it was too late.

Jesper closed his eyes in an attempt to chase away what he had just caused. It would look too bad if he said he was sorry. It wouldn't look any better to not say anything at all. He opened his eyes and turned to Kaz. He was already looking at him with what seemed to be distaste.

"I pity you", he said bitterly.

"Seems fair" he sighed in response, "I pity myself too."

"There is always room for improvement" Wylan tried to raise his spirits, but obviously didn't succeed. There was a long moment of utter silence, then Medusa cleared her throat.

"Since no one here seems to be encouraging, I'll do you the favour. I don't have anything against you, Jesper. I'm not mad at you, I don't despise you, I'm not disappointed with you in the slightest. I understand why you came here and why you did all that. If you want to talk, go ahead. If you don't, excuse yourself and leave. If you want to kill me, I'd love to see you try. If you want to hurt me, know that I have nothing to lose. But please, for Saint's sake, think before you do anything reckless. You have things to live for and people who love you."

"Why do you even care what I do?"

"I have too been young and stupid and hot tempered. You're just a boy. You have time to figure things out."

"You speak as if you're a thousand years old"

"I'm thirty, but I've seen some shit, and listen to me when I say that you have great potential. Don't waste it, honey." The woman he had beaten up just said one of the best things he had ever heard about himself. He felt bad for it and, damn, it showed.

"I know I am ruining your moment, but... Have we met before? I think I know you... I don't really remember from where though..." 

"I used to be your nanny, Wylan. I didn't quite expect you to actually remember... I've changed a lot since then..." Jesper didn't fail to notice Medusa shiver again but she shook herself and continued. "We can talk sometime, if you want to of course."

"I do... We can go for coffee in a couple days", he paused, "you should come too" he nudged Jesper's shoulder, who smiled and nodded awkwardly. He didn't want to come. He didn't want to see her again. He was pissed at himself for acting like an asshole. He was pissed at himself for not thinking.

"Sure thing" she winked, "just make sure to check in with my boss."

"Don't look at me for confirmation" Kaz stated, "you are entitled to a life of your own outside the Crow Club."

"Thank you... I guess. I may excuse myself for a while" Medusa said and left.

Jesper had a million queries considering Medusa, yet he stayed silent. The timing couldn't be worse. He would ask Wylan as soon as they got home, but he wouldn't even think about asking Kaz anything about her. Think before you do anything reckless. As if his father had never told him. He had, plenty of times. The times he took the advice, though, was another story. They could be counted on his fingers.

"You should not by any chance cross her again" Kaz rasped at him. "I won't be tolerant if there is a next time."

"I won't." Jesper nodded. "I'm sorry."

"I bet you are."

"It's getting late, my mother is expecting us" Wylan was looking at them wide-eyed. He took Jesper by the hand and lead him outside.

"White lie?"

"You should be ashamed of yourself." he spared him the barest glance.

"You are right. And I am. I didn't think." he rubbed his forehead.

"Kaz should have beaten you up."

"He didn't, though. Care enough to go back and tell him?"

"It's not the time for jokes and you know it. We're going home." He paused for a moment. "And you are not going to the gambling house again."

"Hey! You can't forbid that!"

"We are not compromising. You are not setting foot in any gambling hall for three months. Or I'm telling your father."

"That is blackmail."

"Thanks. Got it from my father."

Chapter Text

Freya made her way to her house. There were letters in her mailbox. They were there quicker than she had originally expected. She quickly scanned the pages. She had less time ahead of her than she had estimated. She fed Jade then left as fast as she had come. She paced the alleys and pathways as she always did. A man bumped into her and interrupted her train of thoughts.

"I'm so sorry, ma'am" he said looking at her. He went his way again, took a couple of steps, but he turned back to her. "Do I know you from somewhere?" 

"No" she told him, frowning. She looked at him for no longer than a second. He was about her age. He had short blond hair and delicate features. His piercing green eyes did ring a bell, but she wouldn't give him the pleasure to say it. She knew all too well that men used that technique to flirt with every other girl on the street. The last thing she needed was a man trying to get with her.

"Didn't you use to work for Mister Van Eck?" he inquired. She then realised who he was. Ivor. She fought with all her might to not show any emotion.

"You must have mistaken me for somebody else, I'm afraid. Hope you find who you are looking for. Have a good one." she said in one breath and turned to leave. 

The guy seemed devastated and confused. She couldn't bare to look at him anymore. She would start to cry. Or she would shoot him in cold blood. She couldn't trust herself to decide which one was more proper. Either way, she shouldn't be talking to him. He was Van Eck's nephew. He had been working for him since he was fifteen. Most probably, he would have been working there until Wylan took everything that rightfully belonged to him. Van Eck was like a father to him. He admired him. Freya's stomach twisted. He would still be loyal to him. Even if he wasn't, what did he want now? He had lied to her. He hadn't helped her when she needed it most. He had called her a liar. He had almost gotten her killed. Why was he here now? What more could he want from her?

Freya run to her house. She was disgusted. She felt dizzy. Tears were streaming down her face. She hid in her hood. When she got in and locked the door behind her, she rushed to the toilet and threw up. She took a shower right after. She didn't feel clean. That feeling had been gone for a few years. It had come back again. She felt like vomitting again, but she refrained herself from doing so. She sat at her bathroom floor and bawled her eyes out while shaking as she had so many times before. The memories that she had once suffocated were now coming to choke her. Then everything blurred and her limbs went numb.

When she came to, she found herself on her bed and Jade was curled up at her feet. She felt a set of eyes staring at her. She tried to sit up.

"Don't move too much" a guy rasped. Kaz.

"Why are you here?" Freya said while running her hand through her hair. Her head was spinning. She felt something similar to motion sickness.

"Because I can, probably", he shrugged. 

"Oh... So I may just get out of bed in the morning or come back after running errands and just see you spawn in?"

"Technically yes. But this time you didn't see me spawn in. I found you passed out on your bathroom floor, so you may as well thank me and explain yourself."

"Thank you" she looked down. He shouldn't have to ask for gratitude. He also shouldn't have to know what happened. Ivor wasn't anyone important. Neither was Van Eck anymore, thanks to Kaz. She would be forever grateful for that, but she would never tell him. He may as well never hear about them. "I forgot to eat." 

"You ate waffles with syrup at the Slat. Try again." Kaz was now glaring at her. Couldn't she think of a better excuse? "The truth this time, preferably. I don't like wasting my time on excuses."

"It was nothing." she played it off. It wasn't nothing, but it was something she was used to. It wasn't rare for her to vomit then have a panic attack that would lead to her passing out.

"I can't just randomly walk in on you unconscious on the floor. If it happens on a job, you are dead. If a team depends on you, everyone is dead. Tell me what it is. I must take precautions." His voice sounded harsh and angered, yet his eyes were telling a different story. He was worried. Freya felt embarrassed. He shouldn't have to look after her. She shouldn't be a burden to him. He had more than enough problems already.

"It really is nothing. I just have panic attacks that usually end in me passing out. It's nothing serious."

"Don't downplay it. I found you at least half an hour ago. I don't know how long you have been like this.", he paused. "If you don't tell me, be sure I can and will find out."

"You can't and won't find out. And before you even think about it, you can't ask anyone. No one knows. So please keep your mouth shut and pretend this shit never happened." she pleaded him. She was a cold-blooded killer. She also was a woman alone. No one could know she had weaknesses. No one could know she was vulnerable.

"I will. After you talk to me.", he challenged.

"You are a pain in the ass."

"Only when I want to be. Speak up."

"Fine. I tell you and we never mention anything ever again." Kaz nodded in response and Freya pressured herself to continue. "I didn't have the best time at Van Eck's during the nine years of my service. He...", her voice cracked and she winced while letting out a sob. No one knows. No one was ever supposed to. She forced herself to keep talking. "When I found out I was pregnant to my daughter, I left and never came back again. You are the first and last to ever know." she stopped. Her breathing had become shallow. Her eyes were watering. Her hands were shaking. Kaz came and sat beside her. She tried her hardest not to flinch. She put her head against the wall behind her. She heard his leather glove slide off his hand and felt it lie on top of hers, holding it softly. They sat like that for a while. Her breaths slowly became easy and even again. Her hands steadied. She felt better. She was better.

"I was supposed to be taking care of you" Freya said with a sigh, breaking the silence. "Not the other way round."

"Don't bother. I know how to take care of myself."

"That's what you tell the world. Your truth is always different than what you show. You walk around the Barrel with your cane, which everyone fears, and yell that you are a bastard that only Ketterdam and Profit could make. Yet, you are just a teenage cripple, realistically, and your parents were married farmers." She felt Kaz stiffen hearing the words fall out of her mouth so effortlessly. What she said was true, indeed. It seemed like Kaz didn't expect to hear it. Yet she continued. "I walk around Ketterdam singing about love stories I'll never get to experience. Where I work it is common knowledge that I break jaws as easily as I hit high notes. And yet, I am scared. I think of my daughter every single day and night and cry myself to sleep. I've been having these stupid panic attacks ever since I was fifteen. I fucking flinch whenever someone gets too close. I think about how I could have saved you and Jordie if I knew you were here and blame myself for my ignorance." she spoke loudly. Every sentence was full of emotion, which she couldn't quite identify. What she felt was more than just despair. Her eyes met his. He seemed surprised at the confession. He learned more about her in that one hour than during those couple weeks they had been working together. The permanent pain in her chest eased a little. When was the last time she had talked openly about herself? She could not recall. "I'm sorry", she muttered to Kaz while pulling her hand away from his.

"Don't be."

"Well... Not possible. My nephew can't be my therapist. And the next time I rant about anything, please shut me up."

"I won't shut you up. I want to listen to you." he said and paused. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but hesitated. "Whenever you talk I feel... Warmth.", he finally said while looking her in the eyes. He seemed uncomfortable and at ease at the same time. She had never heard him express any feeling verbally.

"Do you feel like talking?", she picked up the cue. "About anything. Even if you think it is stupid or utterly devastating."

Kaz stared at her wide-eyed. Or that's what she thought. Maybe he always looked at her like that whenever she asked him about himself. She didn't remember. He had never been this close to her. He had never told her anything about himself. Then she realised. She had never asked. She understood from the moment she met him he wouldn't tell her a thing. This time, though, it felt different. The aura of the room was different.

"You had asked me if Inej is my girl."

"Correct."

"I would want her to be... But we can't be.", he sighed, while putting his glove on again. Then everything clicked. He wears gloves. He had flinched when she touched his shoulder that very first night. Nobody had ever gotten closer to him than a few feet. He had bought Inej from the Menagerie. The girl had issues too.

"Sensory issues?", she whispered.

"More than just that.", he whispered back.

"I understand." Freya murmured. "I may not know what you have been through, though if you ever want to open up, I would want to listen, I can only imagine what Inej has suffered there."

"She didn't deserve any of that.", he murmured.

"Neither did you."

"My story is far more different.", he said steadily while looking her in the eye. She wanted to tell him that he needed to make peace with the past, that someday he will get over whatever happened, but she barely believed it herself. She could not give him any form of comfort. She didn't want to fill him with empty hopes. She knew well that traumatic events stigmatized for life. She hadn't gotten over what Van Eck had done to her even after all those years. She felt sorry for the kids, though. Because that's what they were after all. Kids. She had the chance to ran away but they didn't. She could figure something out but they didn't have the means.

Chapter Text

Wylan had finished working earlier than usual that noon. He expected Medusa to come in and have coffee with him in early afternoon. He had more than just a handful of questions for her. But the most important one was why she had left.

From what he remembered, a teenage girl was assigned to be his nanny when he was born. She raised him until he was nine. Then she left. No note. No questions asked. He had asked his father but he never gave him an answer. Looking back, he shouldn't even expect one from him. The staff didn't know either, though. She seemed to talk to everyone and was fun to be around, so he hoped that she had told one of them something. She seemed to love him. Love, he snorted. His view of love had changed a million times. He questioned everything that he had then thought was love. Yet, if anyone had asked him what love felt like, his mind would first go to her.

He had only pleasant memories from that girl. She was always smiling, laughing, playing and singing with him. She may have been playing the piano or the guitar? Both? Wylan didn't recall which one. What he did recall was how beautiful those years were with her. She took care of him as his own mother, sometimes as his sister, sometimes as a good friend. 

She used to play with his hair a lot. She would tell him it was soft and fluffy. She took great care of his copper curls. When his father wasn't around she would braid them. The pattern of the plaits always seemed so beautiful and unique. He had tried to braid her hair too but he never managed to and just fumbled with random strands, most times causing knots to occur. She never seemed to mind enough to scold him, though. Wylan could not recall her scolding him. Ever. She was always so kind to him.

They used to draw and study music together. He still had some of their art, though most of it was thrown away while he was gone. When he first had trouble reading and writing she had made him draw the shapes of the letters. Imagine that each one is a thing of its own, but then, they will come together so that they make something bigger that is as special as they all are, she had told him. They are special, just as you are. To help him remember each letter she had tried multiple times to compare it to an object or an animal. When he still couldn't figure it out, she tried another method. Then another, and another. She had not once yelled at him to understand. When he would get tired of trying, they would do a different activity of his choice. Most times, that would be music. When he played the flute, she would get distracted by something going on outside the window, yet she always knew if he had played the wrong note. She wouldn't interrupt him, but when he would finish, she would tell him what he had played wrongly so that he could play it correctly the next time. There is always a next time, you know. You will always have another chance to prove yourself, she would tell him when he got mad at his mistakes.

One night, past his bedtime, he had heard her argue with his father. He had woken up from his shouts. He couldn't understand what they were talking about. He didn't dare to ask him. When he asked the girl the next day she had said that all of that was probably a nightmare of his own, that it had never taken place. We have nothing to argue on, besides, she had told him in a playful tone while stroking his hair. He had believed her. He much later realised that what he had thought was a nightmare had actually happened, but that was when she left, a few days later. She had lied to him to protect him. Little did she know that incident should have been the least of her concerns.

Someone knocked on his door. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Yes, come in"

"Miss Medusa has arrived. She is expecting you."

"Oh... I'll go. Thank you, Luize. And for the last time, I don't like such formalities."

"You know I cannot do that, sir", she said smiling softly and left.

Right after her, Wylan went to greet Medusa. He wasn't as nervous as he had thought he would be. He paced through the corridors and went straight for the lounge. She greeted him with a handshake and a warm smile and they had some small talk. 

Her name was not Medusa, which he had expected. She had told his father that she was Marya's cousin, that they grew up together, which was a lie to get the job. His mother had played along. She had introduced herself as Heida Hendricks, her middle name and Marya's last name so as to prove the family connection. Her real name was Freya. Wylan didn't ask about her last name, he didn't need to. She had lied about the age as well. She was supposedly seventeen when she first came. She claimed she couldn't risk not getting employed for such a minor thing.

They talked about the weather, politics, she asked about his mother and Jesper. He didn't question it. She had to know that Marya Hendricks was not dead after all and it was a little too obvious that Jesper was his boyfriend. After a while, he subtly moved on to the past. She told him about her life at the farm and her childhood. She initially hesitated, but he got her to talk about her years at his father's house.

"So... Yeah. I came here when I was fourteen and took care of you till you were nine... A lot happened in those years. Can you be more specific? I mean, as in what you would like to know.", she said quickly. She looked eager, yet something seemed off. Wylan tried to see through her. He couldn't.

"I wanted to ask you if anyone was... You know, after my father left I would like to fire people who are loyal to him, for my own good, if you know what I mean. I have already kicked people out, for obvious reasons, but I think you would be a better judge after all these years living here.", he said as diplomatically as he could. He was no big mercher, yet he had tried as much as he could to mimic the way merchers talk. It helped him get deals. And information. His time with the Crows had definitely helped in that domain.

"Well... You're asking a tough question, sweetie... It's been a long time. A really long time.", she said and paused. She stared in the distance for a while, then turned her gaze to him again. "Most of the staff were afraid of Mister Van Eck, as you already know. One that could have been loyal to him was Ivor, his nephew. He is about my age. Tall, blond, green eyes. I know for a fact that he is in Ketterdam. He was something like his right hand. He was to be trusted. By him and only him, though." She paused again and placed her hand on her chin. Then her eyes seemed to flash as if she recalled something more. "Also, there was this woman, she must be in her forties now. She was something like a secretary. Huang is her name, if I remember correctly. She was Shu, petite, with long black hair. I can't recall anyone else who could have been loyal or even close to your father. He was... Delicate. Especially when choosing people around him."

"Thank you for the names, though I think only Huang still works here.", he cleared his throat and continued. "By delicate, you mean...?" he inquired.

"Oh, you know what I mean.", she gestured vaguely. 

Of course I know what you mean but I hoped for an actual answer. "Almost. Anyway, if I am not overstepping anything, can you tell me why you left? Or at least why they didn't tell me why you left." That was something he had to know. She couldn't just leave like that. He wanted an answer.

"I... Um.... That is... classified.", she nearly choked.

"There is no classified paperwork anywhere in the house. My father is in jail.", he glared at her. Then he remembered. My father is a monster. "What did he do?", he whispered.

"It is better for all of us if you never know what happened. But please know that I did not leave because I didn't love you. I love you as my own son. I tried to raise you in the best way I could. Don't ask me why I left. Don't ask anyone. No one knows.", she said with a pained expression on her face. Wylan didn't want to pressure her any more. His need for an answer was lesser than her need for closure. He respected that. He knew how it was to be pressured for answers. "It wasn't your fault.", she interrupted his embarrassment crisis. "You were the sweetest and kindest child. It was truly a gift to be your caregiver. The time I have spent with you was definitely the best time of my life.", Freya said with tears in her eyes.

"I remember many things from then. You are the kindest person I have ever met. If anyone asks me about love, be sure that the first thing that pops up will be your name. You have been an escape of my father's shadow. I really appreciate that."

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Sure. Whatever you'd like."

"Never talk about being in your father's shadow. You are so better than him in so many ways. You have proved it so many times. You are great, Wylan. I hope you never forget that."

Chapter Text

Wile Freya was at Wylan's, Kaz assigned the last jobs of the day at the Slat and went to her place. Her house make him feel comfortable and cozy. He was angry at himself because he didn't want to get used to it, but he still loved hanging around there. Most times Jade kept him company. On numerous occasions he would even nap on Freya's bed. In general he was relaxed when he was at her house, it hit close to home. A little too close, he hated to admit.

He got in from the front door. Freya had given him a spare key so that he didn't have to break in every time. She seemed to have accepted that Kaz would come to her house to kill time there, whether she wanted to or not. She never seemed to bother. She always prepared food for two and had an extra towel in the bathroom. They never made it official to each other that they would live together but it was like an unwritten rule they both openly respected.

As always, Kaz checked the cupboard in the kitchen in case she had bought alcohol without his approval. She had promised him that she would never get drunk again. She had made it a point to not buy any sort of drink. The few times she did, it was for some desert she made. He would always ask her which type of brandy, or cognac or whiskey she wanted to use and he would buy it for her and bring it to the house. He would stay until she was finished with the recipe and then he would take the remaining alcohol to the Slat to lock it down or put it at the bar.

He wandered around the house for a while then settled on the bed and Jade came to curl against his thigh. He steadied his head against the wall behind him and lowered his eyelids, in an attempt to unwind a little. He didn't manage too. He felt like someone was there, watching him. He looked around, but the room was empty. He then noticed the desk, which was usually filled with music sheets. Now, there was a fancy hat laying on top of them. His mind went directly to Inej. It couldn't be... Could it? 

He got up in less than a second, set his back at the wall and scanned the room. Inej popped up from the kitchen, soundlessly as always. She looked at him and smiled. He shook himself. He was dreaming. 

"Inej", he whispered stunned. "Why are you here?", he rasped.

"I got a... An invitation. Or so it said.", she said.

"For what? From who?"

"She asked me to bring you a nice hat for the masquerade that you will attend. I set it on the desk. She also said I was welcome to stay for as long as I wished. She conveniently didn't mention her name", she told him with her velvety voice. As she was talking, Kaz grabbed the opportunity to take in her full frame. She seemed healthier. Her gorgeous brown eyes were sparkling, surrounded by her luscious lashes. Her hair was longer, but it was tucked in a braid, as always. She seemed to be eating and sleeping well. Her hands were almost healed of any wounds from knives, but her palms had scratches, probably from rope. She stood on her feet, in perfect balance just like any other time he had seen her. Yet she seemed changed. She was full of life. He had Inej in front of him after so many weeks and he couldn't help but stare at her as if it was the first time seeing her. He had barely heard what she said. She... Hat... Masquerade... Stay... That was all he had understood. The rest was just gibberish. He was lost in the sight of her. 

"Kaz?"

"I am thinking.", he gestured his hand as if to make her pause and create space between them. What a fool, he scolded himself. "She? If they never mentioned a name, why do you say they are a she?"

"I assumed. The expressions, the handwriting. And I met her. It is a woman.", Inej stated with confidence. Freya. She was damned. She ought to know it already. That's why she went to Wylan's that afternoon. That's why she left him keys. That's why she had finished some jobs earlier that week. She technically set them up on a... Date? Could it be called a date? Probably not. It was something like 'forcing two people in the same house for a while when one of them knows everything and the other absolutely nothing'.

"I am assured. Did she tell you her name?"

"No.", she sighed. "She showed me around, told me to wait for you and left.", she said, frowning. She was confused. Obviously. It was one of Freya's habits to confuse people and do nothing about it for as long as she wanted. But this wasn't people. It was Inej. His Inej.

"Well, this is her house. Her name is Freya, but she doesn't like to be called that. Medusa you should call her. We are working together. She joined the Crow Club over a month ago.", he explained briefly. He considered that Freya inviting Inej over was not that bad of an idea after all.

"Okay... What about the masquerade?", she said looking in his eyes.

"It is not a masquerade. The merchers are organising something like a ball with costumes and fancy accessories and Wylan wants me to attend it. I do too, for business of course.", I want you to come with me, he almost blurted out. Instead, he said, "I am still looking for a companion. I cannot go alone. I have yet to discuss it with Anika and Freya.", he said and paused. He should certainly not bring Inej. It would put her in a precarious position. She wasn't in the Crow Club anymore. She owed them nothing. "We still have time to decide."

"If you want me to help you, just ask me. But know that I leave in three days.", she rolled her eyes.

"We will discuss this matter later with the girls.", he said lowering his gaze to his cane and tracing the crow's head with his gloved thumb. "How have you been doing? You look good."

"I am good. I have already started to strike slavers. We are not reputable for the time being, but that only benefits us.", she said with her newfound confidence. "How are the things around here?"

Without you around... But your name is still here. The Wraith is thought to be here. "Chaos as far the gangs are concerned, you know how it is." 

"Unfortunately I do.", she nodded. "Medusa is a newbie...", she said, but it was neither a statement nor a question. More like wonder.

"Yes. I recruited her recently." He didn't like that. He knew how the conversation was about to go. "Yes she knows about the Wraith." She also knows about you. He couldn't say that.

"She didn't invite me for the masquerade.", she stated.

"No, she didn't."

"She didn't invite me to bring you a hat."

"No, she didn't."

"You know what I am talking about."

"Yes, I do."

"So, go on. Tell me."

No. I can't tell you. I can't bring myself to. And we are not talking feelings. Or wants. Or why I trust her. Or why you are here. Just... No. Kaz had a million things he wanted to say, but he stayed silent for just a few moments. "She is not thinking. She never does. I don't know why she brought you here.", he blurted out.

"Oh..." Inej was startled and seemingly disappointed. She expected an answer and Kaz, as always, gave her something as vague as it could be instead. There was an awkwardly long pause, where they both stood still, looking down.

"Have you eaten anything since your arrival?", Kaz's eyes turned up to look at Inej's. 

"I could not have eaten more. Medusa fed me as if I had not eaten for days.", she widened her eyes. 

"That's pretty typical of her, as I have heard."

"Hmm...", she raised her eyebrows.

Kaz offered to sit at the table, using his bad knee as an excuse. He just wanted a reason to be close to her for no reason. That didn't make much sense. For him it did. They chatted a bit, then stopped talking for some time... And they did it again... And again... And then Freya came home and they went to the Slat, to their room to sit in silence, out of each others' way, but keeping company to one another, as they always did before. 

Kaz denied the presence of magic that was gone when Inej left, once again, yet he couldn't say he didn't feel it there. Inej was back, at least for a while, and she had brought the magic back with her.

Chapter Text

Kaz thanked her for the hat. Eventually. Well... He didn't thank her. Saying thank you would be absurd. He said it was nice. That was absurd as well. Still not as absurd as Kaz that afternoon. 

He barely took his eyes off of her. He was always closer than he used to. Whenever they made eye contact, his breathing would hitch. Ever since Nina had told her how his heart rate would accelerate whenever he looked at her, she started to take further notice in his reactions. His hands weren't steady. He also gestured more. His entire demeanor was changed ever so slightly, yet she noticed. He was closer. At all times.

Kaz for the first time in the two years she had known him seemed well rested and well fed. The dark circles under his eyes had faded. His eyes were alert as always, yet poised. He wasn't as stiff and didn't rely on his cane as much. That would make sense if he slept well or at least got enough rest. Inej almost snorted. Kaz? Sleep? Get enough rest? That was comical to say the least.

His hair was different too. She thought Nina might actually approve it. The hairstyle was no different than the one he always had, but the cut was noticeably better, the edges were evenly trimmed. Kaz couldn't have done such meticulous work by himself.

Inej sat on the open window and looked at the streets below. She breathed in and out and it felt like she hadn't been gone for a single moment. The humidity, the dark alleys, her spot on the window opening, everything was the same. She got distracted by the sudden stroke of nostalgia and didn't notice Kaz leave. When she realised his absence, she went down to find him, feeling lonely in the empty room. As she walked down the stairs, she heard his raspy voice from a nearby room, probably Anika's, yet she could not understand what he was saying.

"Anika will come with you", she heard Medusa croak. As she slipped into the room and became one with the shadows, she caught a glimpse of the cold sweat that soaked Medusa's right temple. Her eyes were wide open and filled with pure terror. Anika was obviously shocked by her reaction, but Kaz seemed unbothered and concentrated on his scheme as she guessed he would be. 

A few moments passed and Medusa tried to play it off and seem normal. "I cannot wear that dress. You have the perfect body type for it, it would look gorgeous on you. Plus, I am way older than Kaz and it shows. It would be creepy to say the least. I should not even mention your experience in terms of the job.", she stumbled the words out in a rush. From their one and only encounter, Inej could not define Medusa as a person. She was definitely complicated. Inej was utterly confused by her. From what she had guessed, Medusa was tough, strong-willed and daring. Judging from the fact that she had invited her over in a clumsy attempt to set her up with Kaz, she must have had some nerve. And Kaz must have liked her well enough. If anyone else had done something similar, Kaz would have snapped their neck at once. 

The facet of her personality that she had just witnessed was completely different. One would even think that Medusa was high on something. Inej shot the thought away immediately. If Kaz even tolerated her behaviour, he would never accept substance abuse to that extent. He would have someone check on her at all times, like he did with Jesper and would never trust or rely on her. He would never rest on her bed. He would never tell her anything about Inej. Medusa must have had some bad memory come up, and she prayed to the Saints it was not a traumatising one. 

"If we are considering body types - in terms of curves - for the job, then we are doomed.", Anika said angrily. "But if there is another reason for you to not play any role, I'll take it. I am sure Kaz would understand.", she exclaimed with an ironic tone towards Medusa, bartering her lashes towards Kaz. Inej could not identify whether that lash thing was irony or flirting. She still was annoyed at her demeanor.

"It's not...", she tried to say but stopped almost immediately and took a big breath before continuing. She looked like she was about to cry. "I also think that I could be of more use somewhere high up where I can observe and potentially shoot if need be."

"If you are as good as Kaz says, then you would have no issue shooting from anywhere."

Medusa and Anika continued to argue like that for some more time until Kaz cleared his throat and shot both of them with a glare, which stopped them at once. Anika's cheeks reddened and Medusa looked down. They seemed like little kids being told off by their parent. The sight was particularly funny, setting aside the context.

"Inej", Kaz said, urging her to come forward. He always knew if she was in the room with him. She should've known. 

"Yes", she answered, rising from the shadows.

"Would you do me a favor and tell those wonderful ladies that they are supposed to discuss who is going to take the role as my date and not argue as children would do?" Kaz's tone was sweet as waffle syrup. His glare, though, could potentially pierce a brick wall. "They seem to have misunderstood the purpose of this meeting."

"I think they get it", Inej said reluctantly, and shot the girls with a concerned look. "Well... At last."

"I hope so. I do not waste my time. Time is krudge."

"We know, Kaz", she replied in a reassuring voice. She didn't know what else to say. Both Medusa and Anika had some nerve to fight like that in front of Dirtyhands. It was actually so nice of him to not yell, shoot or leave, but speak politely. Sarcastically. Still, it was very polite of him.

"You will go", Anika mumbled to Medusa. 

"Bring me another dress then", Medusa whispered, then paused for a few moments. "I may or may not have a nice ball gown in my closet. Would it be okay if you saw it and say whether it is appropriate?", she turned to Kaz.

"Your purple gown with silver embroidery is the only one appropriate for the occasion", he responded nonchalantly, as if it was completely normal to search into other people's closets and know their wardrobe by heart. For him it probably was. Not normal, but expected at least.

"Random question"

"No."

"What will I do with my hair?"

"You know how to do hair. Do some complex braid pattern or something. Anika and Inej can help.", Kaz said and left the room before Medusa could inquire him any further.

She focused on the sound his cane made when it clicked as he walked down the stairs, and as it faded, she turned to Anika and Medusa who were awkwardly sitting across each other, all silently and not looking at each other. She then joined them, in hopes of starting a conversation. This kind of silence was quite disturbing.

"What was that?", Inej asked the girls, concerned.

"She started all this shit", Medusa spat angrily, yet quietly, at Anika.

"I wasn't the one who found a trillion excuses to not accompany Kaz!", Anika answered back.

"Couldn't you just take the hint that I did not want to go?", she said and before Anika could reply, continued, "I complained about the people, about the place, about the lace on the ball gown, I even complained for the fucking costume thing, for Saint's sake!", she whisper-yelled.

"And why the hell do you find so many problems? Why the hell do you not want to go?", she paused, waiting for an answer that never came. Medusa only looked at her, with an angry face. Her eyes seemed to be flaming and her nostrils were flared. Her hands were gathered fists by her sides and her entire body was tense. Inej felt sorry for her. Only she knew why she had no place in that ball and only Kaz had the authority to question her reasons behind it. Anika still had the right to be angry, as she knew her place was with Rotty, checking out and arranging things, yet she was in no place to scold Medusa for her negativism.

"This conversation should have a very different tone so that it can be constructive.", she stated calmly, exchanging looks with both girls. "Correct me if I am wrong, but neither of you want to attend the ball?"

"Yes and no", Anika replied. "I am not comfortable accompanying him among so many people. There are enough rumors about him already, just imagine what they would say if he went with a girl."

"Bullshit", Medusa coughed, but Anika didn't notice. "I have an actual reason for not wanting to go, though. Van Eck's nephew might be attending, and when he recognises me, we are definitely screwed."

"Wait, who?", Inej jerked forward, confused and concerned. Not another yet Van Eck. 

"You certainly don't know him, but I do. And there is no need to blow everything up for him. I am not doing him the favor."

"How do you know that guy?", Anika lifted her eyebrow, just enough to sound both concerned and invested in the gossip.

"A very long time ago I used to work at his mansion and I happened to meet him more than just a few times.", she said, trying to hide her blushing cheeks, "Either way, he is about thirty-two, blond with green eyes. Good looking, if you ask me. He seems like a good lad, a gentleman you may say, but he is canny as a fox. The only man in the world who could trust him is Jan, as he sees him as his mentor.", she took a breath, but before she could resume, Anika interrupted her.

"Excuse me for interrupting your speech, professor Medusa, but even if your husband is there, there is no chance that he go after you or Kaz, he may not even identify you.", Anika said and laughed out loud.

"You don't know his ways, Anika.", she said with such seriousness in her voice, that Inej trembled. The way she described him sounded like an old man telling scary stories about his life to his grandchildren. She was far less graphic, though.

"Either way, Medusa, no matter why neither of you want to go, you are going. Kaz told me to help you get ready. Dress, accessories, hair, everything. Have you thought anything specific, apart from the dress?", she asked and immediately lightened the mood.

They discussed what kind of mask Medusa should wear, any jewelry or other accessories she could use and which type of hairstyle would suit her best. As long as the conversation was light enough, both the girls seemed bubbly and enjoyable. After they went through everything, Anika went to sleep and Medusa left the Slat. Inej went to her old room to sit with Kaz.

Chapter Text

Freya slid her silky dress on with Inej's help, put on her heels and sat on a chair across a mirror to do her hair. She had finally concluded in a fancy loose plait that started at the bottom half of her head and looked like a fishbone. Her choice of hairstyle was calculated, as she specifically opted for something that made her look youthful. As she was braiding her hair, she felt Inej's gaze on her hands.

"How did you learn to braid?", she asked her softly.

"I always loved plaits, and through a lot of practice I finally figured it out. My sister-in-law was my lab rat", she said and laughed.

"She must have been very lucky", Inej smiled.

"If you say so", Freya winked. "How did you learn to braid?"

"My mother taught me when I was little", she replied.

"How sweet."

Freya caught a glimpse of Kaz, who was watching them intently. He had worn the hat Inej had brought, and she noticed her blushing when she saw it. He was tapping his fingers on his cane. She must have been a little late. She turned to him and nodded, finished off her braid, put on her hat and gloves, greeted Inej and left with him. Rotty and Anika were waiting for them in a carriage. They got in and shortly after they arrived at a renovated warehouse, which had turned into a grand hall, at the Exchange. 

Kaz got off the carriage first and offered a gloved hand to Freya so as to help her get off as well. She smiled politely -sarcastically- and used his hand as leverage to get out. She heard Anika snort and rolled her eyes. Kaz seemed annoyed, yet pleasant. They walked together to the entrance, where they were greeted and got in the hall. She heard the band playing some music, but as she wasn't interested in it, she focused on the aesthetic of the hall.

The renovation was visible, yet the room was anything but a ballroom. But it was grand indeed. It was huge and the inside was beautifully built. Large greige pillars were supporting the roof and aided the room maintain its royal character. The walls were painted with a light cream colour and there were golden details near every edge and curve. Freya couldn't help but wonder who supported this architectural project financially. 

As she was lost in the beauty of the hand painted walls and columns, Kaz was walking around, observing everything an everyone. She didn't bother who was there anymore. She didn't bother that she looked a lot older than Kaz. She just let him lead and wander around the room.

Kaz went over to where Wylan was positioned with Jesper and two guards. As soon as she saw them, Freya snapped back into character and greeted them with a warm smile.

"You can go wherever you want as long as we keep an eye on each other.", Kaz whispered against her ear and let her arm. She nodded in response and started walking around, observing everyone while simultaneously keeping an eye on Kaz, now pacing to the other side of the grand hall. She noticed him greet some people she didn't recognise and turned away from him in order to lock her eyes onto the entrance.

She saw many merchers walk in, along with their wives and a guard or two for what felt like hours. As she was trying to remember each face and figure entering, she saw Ivor, accompanied by an old man and time stopped as she watched them. When she snapped out of it, she immediately searched for Kaz's presence. She was not delighted at all to see him walking towards the two men. 

She tried to ease the strained expression on her face as she made her way towards them. Kaz introduced her to Ivor and Arnold R as businessmen. She put on her fake smile and reached out to the old man for a handshake. She repeated the gesture with Ivor, who seemed somewhat pleased to see her. She stood by Kaz as the three of them discussed current matters about the stock market and how Van Eck's imprisonment had impacted every aspect of transaction, whether legal or not. She prayed for any piece of personal information about Arnold or Ivor, but Kaz kept the conversation professional for the time being. While taking note of the talk, she noticed Ivor shooting her with flirtatious glances, yet she brushed it off and smiled in exchange. She denied the feeling of blood rushing to her cheeks every time their gazes met. After a while, the music got louder and two figures dancing caught her eye, but she did not look at them for more than a few moments, as she was fixated on the conversation taking place.

"May I have this dance, Miss Medusa?", Ivor inquired, his low and gentle voice making her tremble. She turned to him and took a moment to notice him from up close. Big mistake. He was gorgeous as ever, his features now well-defined. She saw the anticipation in his eyes, which made her blush. His pupils were blown, making the green in his eyes pop. His lips were slightly parted and his brows a little arched, as he waited for her answer. 

"I don't know... I don't dance...", she answered shyly and looked around, her cheeks now flaming. She wanted to dance with him. She wanted to be close to him. That asshole had always had a huge effect on her. But could she let a man this close to her? Could she let him hold her hand and caress her back or waist as they would glide across the marble floor together? Could she trust him well enough to be near her and not attempt to hurt her? Could she even trust herself to not give in temptation and...? She couldn't kiss him. That was strict. He wasn't the boy she fell in love with at sixteen anymore. He was a stranger who had hurt and betrayed her. The feelings she had for him though never changed. She never stopped loving him.

"That would pose no obstacle to me, my lady. I am an excellent teacher and I would bet you are an excellent student. Shall we give it a try together?", he interrupted her inner crisis, with a smug smirk. He wasn't only flirting with her. He was challenging her. 

"Just watch your feet, lover boy", she winked at him and offered her hand. What the hell was she doing?  

Ivor took her by the hand, spun her around and guided her with an arm on her waist towards the dancing floor. Freya gently placed one hand on his shoulder and before she could reach with her other one for his, he had already taken it. He pulled her closer and took the lead. He was an excellent teacher indeed. His movements were smooth and calculated, he knew how to guide her and was aware of the space they took so as to not bump on another couple. Freya tried her hardest to concentrate on the job and find a way to draw any scrap of information. 

"Where did you learn how to dance?", she asked him softly.

"At my uncle's manor. It was part of my very elaborate education.", he answered playfully. "You said you don't dance,", he lowered his head to her, "yet you are exquisite.", he whispered against her ear and his lips barely grazed the side of her neck. That alone caused her lip to tremble. His body language was more than enough to make her brain short-circuit.

"Guess I'm a quick learner", she said breathlessly.

Ivor kept making silly remarks just to get a reaction from her and damn, it worked like a charm every single time. She had gotten drunk by him, and he did not seem sober either. That feeling had been gone for almost a decade, yet she welcomed it with her arms open. Before the song ended he spun her around and pulled her in, their faces only a couple inches apart. She resisted the urge to lean in and didn't notice she had been biting her lip while staring at his eyes, filled with lust. He took the big step and made a move on her and she melted with him. Only when she felt Kaz's eyes burning a hole through her did she pull away.

Chapter Text

"You weren't thinking, Freya!", Kaz yelled at her, loud enough that Jade flew away from his feet in less than a second. 

"In my defence", she started to say, displaying her shaky hand in front of him, yet he interrupted her.

"No line of defence.", he rasped. "Do you even know who that man is?", he paused for merely a second and shot her with a strict glance, but when she opened her mouth so as to answer him, he kept shouting. "Ivor, after Van Eck's downfall, has become the first mercher to have business deals with both Ravka and Fjerda. He has ships sailing all over the True Sea. He owns Red Harbor, more than three percent of fields in Nonvi Zem and is currently trying to close business deals with the Shu.", he spat angrily and took a deep breath before continuing. "You are well aware that this man is anything but honorable and trustworthy.", he rasped. "You have one minute, -no-, less than one minute to explain yourself."

Freya stayed quiet. She trembled with embarrassment, tears pooled in her eyes, her nostrils pulsed like crazy and her cheeks were burning. A minute passed and Kaz sat by the table, while she was still standing there frozen. He heard her sob, but before he could turn around to check on her, she had left. 

Kaz run his gloved hand through his hair. He was still processing what had taken place the last few hours. He thanked his quick critical thinking for not snapping Ivor Van Eck's neck as soon as he layed his eyes on Freya, let alone when he kissed her. But that didn't matter - for now. He tried to think of where Freya could have gone. 

He got up and went to her desk. He tried searching through her music sheets and lyrics. Everything was a mess on there, yet she knew every time where to find what she wanted. He noticed that one of her scraps of paper had something written on them. The letters were jumbled but calligraphic, definitely not Freya's, and he could barely make out what they worded.

Het Steen Prison, Havenstraat 17. 

He recognised the place immediately. This was where Van Eck was kept in chains. He was sure she would find out where he stayed and that she would visit him sometime. She couldn't have gone there, though. Inappropriate timing.

The next destination he thought of was Wylan's mansion. Too easily found. Next.

Ivor's manor? Not after what he had told her.

Gambling house? Too much gossip.

Secluded alleys? Maybe. But too vague. Kaz couldn't search every single passageway in Ketterdam.

He didn't spare a second of his precious time in thinking of the Slat or the Crow Club. Too stupid.

Kaz had gotten a headache trying to think of where Freya could have been. An hour had passed since she had left, and although he knew he shouldn't be worried about her, his gut was telling him otherwise. He got up and nervously walked around the kitchen.

He opened the drawer where he would normally leave some whiskey for her to bake with, even though there was usually none as he would always snatch it from her as soon as she was done with it. He was appalled to see an opened bottle, which he could tell was not one he had bought. He closed the drawer and left as well. He didn't want to be angry for the whiskey. He had bigger issues at the moment.

Would Freya come back? The thought of her never returning home caused him an unbearable headache. He had gotten used to her presence. Her bad jokes, her sassy temperament, her caring nature. He felt like a part of his pitch black heart was torn apart. Her arrival had changed his life for the better. She was important to him. He couldn't lose her too.

As he paced through the alleys, he subconsciously made his way to the Slat. When he realised where he eas heading, he thought of Inez. She may have a good enough idea of a hiding place.

He stormed in - well, as fast as he was able to, regarding the state of his leg - and rushed upstairs where Inez should be. He almost bumped into her, because the moment he was going inside the room, she was aiming to get out.

"What happened?", she inquired, her eyes full of curiosity and worry.

"Where would you go if you had nowhere to go?", he rasped.

"Did Medusa-"

"Yes.", he answered stiffly before Inez could even finish the question. 

"A friend, maybe?"

"No."

"A safe space?"

"Only if you can name one." Kaz stared into her soul, his eyes blank and she guessed again. "Home?"

"She left home."

"Somewhere special?"

"As?"

"A place in which she has memories, like an old bakery, a secluded port, a quaint street... Anything?"

"Something more specific could be beneficial."

"I don't know anything about her", she whisper-yelled. "I couldn't know where she could go.", she paused for a second, then held his gaze before saying softly. "You know Freya. Is there any place that she could go to unwind? Or even sit in silence?"

Kaz listened to Inez talk and his mind eased. His thinking became clearer and he actually remember a safe space. He turned to Inez and nodded, then left as fast as he had come. He headed east so as to get to a nearby area with large fields, owned by merchers from the Financial District.

Freya had told him about this place one night. She had confessed that she had buried her daughter underneath a large hazelnut tree where she and Ivor used to hang out when they were teenagers.

Electra was never meant to be fathered by Jan. If anyone, Ivor should be her father. This is the last tangible thing I can have from my silly love affair with him. I want my Electra to be part of that. I want her to be connected with him, even in this way that only makes sense to me.

She had never taken him there, yet his gut was speaking to him once again. Kaz saw a large hazelnut tree and went over to investigate. He noticed two initials carved on the cortex of the tree, Ivor's and Heida's most probably. He checked the ground in an attempt to find the mark of the spot where Electra laid. There was no cross, no other symbol, but a flower bed of pink rain lilies. He stood by it and looked around. Not a soul. The place was really secluded... And Freya was not there.

Chapter Text

"Hey?"

"May I come in?", Medusa barely whispered. Vex took a moment to inspect her. Her eyes were red and swollen, her hands were crossed and obviously shaky, but her hair was in a delicate updo. She was wearing her casual work clothes, but she had heels on. Her gloves were off. Her eyelids were sparkly and she had red lipstick on her.

"What happened, baby girl?", Vex gasped.

Before he could even finish his question she fell into his arms and sobbed. He let her. Medusa had never cried in front of him. There were times when he had seen her eyes red and puffy and her nose stuffed, yet he never questioned it. Just like she never questioned him. Not once. Not ever.

She pulled away on her own after a while, and he sat her down on his bed. He brought her some water, which she reluctantly accepted, and sat alongside her. Vex didn't urge her to speak up. Even when he did, she rarely opened up to him. She only blabbered when she was wasted, yet at the moment she seemed completely sober.

"Can I stay the night?', she muttered as soon as she stopped shaking.

"Always", he cooed. 

"Is there any tea from tonight's event?"

"Yes...", he replied.

"Well?"

"Many deals among merchers. Good deals, mostly.", he breathed and closed his eyes. "I heard some wild stuff about you too, not sure if it's true though."

"If it was about me and Ivor Van Eck, it was true."

"No way", he blurted and stared at her with disbelief.

"Please not you too.", she looked away in a failed attempt to hide the embarrassment displayed on her face.

"I'm shutting the fuck up...", he raised his arms, "after you tell me", he turned his head to her and smirked.

"You already know", she rolled her eyes.

"Your point of view is better, baby girl", he winked. "Get started already!", he tapped his toes with anticipation.

Medusa never told him the complete story, just like he expected, yet he didn't say a thing. She didn't hide the part of the dance, nor her blushing cheeks, though. She was so invested in the storytelling, she even disclosed intimate details. That girl knew how to gossip. Vex was enjoying himself a little too much and it showed, but he was still skeptical about this entire Ivor thing.

"The man is a complete asshole", he told her when she finished, contempt written all across his face.

"Not you too.", she whined. "Please."

"Dirtyhands is the other one who keeps trash talking him, isn't he?"

"Well, kind of. He didn't trash talk."

"You came in crying.", Vex glared.

"That is another story."

"He trash talked your precious Ivor.", he stated.

"He just said some things about him... All valid stuff...", she stared into empty space for a moment then turned her gaze back to him, "And the thing is, he is an asshole and a jerk and a lot of other bad things, but-"

"But he is a really good kisser and he knows how to take the lead", he interrupted her.

"That's what I keep saying about your douchebag of a boyfriend.", she said, obviously annoyed at his irony.

"At least my 'douchebad of a boyfriend' never manipulated me, never lead me on, never accused me of shit and never took advantage of me.", Vex shouted. He didn't even think about it. He knew how hurtful those words were, but he also knew how much Medusa needed to hear them. Ivor had turned out to be a jerk a really long time ago, before Vex even knew Medusa, and his impact on her was still visible. She loved him with all her heart even though he had wrecked her. Even though he had betrayed her. Even though he had abandoned her. He was certain that, even after everything he had done, she would still run back to him. And he would still treat her like she was nothing. The thought alone was unbearable.

"I know he is not like this.", she muttered. "If only you had known him. Truly see him. Talk with him. Let him open up to you.", she sighed and tears pooled in her eyes. "He did not want to turn out like this. He fought with it, at least up to a point. He was modelled to be like that. Cold. Manipulative. Ruthless. In this exact order.", a single tear streamed down her face, but she did not wipe it away. "This is the side he shows. I have seen one more and no matter how much I stress it out you cannot comprehend it. He may not be the best man, but he tries to be a good one for the sake of people he cares about. Whether he manages or not is an entirely different subject."

"Do you think he cares about you?", he genuinely wondered.

"Yes.", she answered truthfully. "There are some minor things I haven't told you about , not only about tonight."

"I am assured.", he nodded. "Just be careful this time, okay baby girl?", he gave her a half smile.

"I will.", she returned the smile. "I promise.", she mumbled. It was clear she made that promise to herself as well. 

Vex didn't push her to talk anymore. He didn't mention anything about Ivor. What he saw the moment before was her limit, a limit he had surpassed. She clumsily set her boundary then and there. He would not cross again. No matter how big of a jerk he was, he respected Medusa. There was a long pause before she spoke again.

"Tell me about tonight's deals."

"Your boy and Arnold R are cooperating. That's all I heard about it.", he exclaimed, annoyed but not surprised at the lack of details. " Arnold R also worked on his communication skills surprisingly.", he said and Medusa gave him a confused look. "He just started to talk to merchers in an attempt to do business. Not shocking, yet intriguing. Solveig Harte closed a whole lot of deals, mostly illegal. He provided the Black Tips and the Menagerie with high quality weapons. Deadly as hell, as far as I was told. He worked with other lesser gangs, nothing you should worry about. Elia Dries has once again started big on the black market and stocks and shit. The usual.", he scoffed at Elia's businesses. That girl was self-made, and he did admire that, yet he had always thought of her to be arrogant. In her new-found wealth and glory, she had become insufferable. "Pieter Janse, the guy who renovated that barn the ball was hosted in, sold some artifacts and antiques, all of which were transported illegally in Kerch, and made about fifty million kruge."

"Damn good night", Medusa whispered in awe.

"It indeed was", Vex agreed, "ever since Van Eck's downfall, the entire marketplace has completely frozen."

"Speaking of Van Eck-"

"No, your husband didn't make any deal"

"How the hell?"

"I don't know, baby girl.", he raised his arms in the air.

"Why did he even attend the ball then?", Medusa frowned.

"Want me to find out?", he raised his eyebrow and served her with a crooked smile.

"I mean, I couldn't turn down the offer..."

"You got it."

Chapter Text

Ivor had left the ball as soon as he possibly could. Too early, Arnold R had told him. He was whining during the entirety of the ride. When the carriage arrived at his place, he didn't even greet him. He just scoffed and left. He knew he had messed big time. Business can wait. That he told him. Not even a flimsy excuse.

"Do not go home.", he ordered in a flat tone.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Take me to the Barrel and leave. I will not be coming home tonight."

"Are you sure, it is rather unsafe-"

"I think you misunderstood the order, Wolter."

"I am sorry, sir. It will not happen again."

After a rather uncomfortable ride, Wolter stopped the horses in a big street of the Barrel. Before stepping out of the carriage, he noticed how stiff he was. He greeted good night and started running through the secluded alleys, aiming to reach West Stave. 

The outfit of choice was indeed rather uncomfortable. How unfortunate. He thought to himself as he was trying to waste as little time as possible. Then, as soon as he saw the coffee shop, he stalled and turned around the corner. He easily recognised the house he had seen Heida walk in an out so many times and stood in front of the door. He knocked and when nobody answered, he tried to pick the lock but failed miserably. He then proceeded to make some noise in an attempt to make Heida get out of the house so that he could talk to her. Since that didn't work as well he came to the conclusion that the house was empty and made his way to the big gambling houses of the region, where he had seen her multiple times talk with a man.

He had closely inspected the guy, a tall young brunette. He was probably Kaelish, but he couldn't tell. He had seen him walk into the gambling hall one too many times. He scarcely met Heida there, but as soon as they would meet, they would either disappear or walk into what he thought to be his apartment.

Since he had no other place to search, he quickly made his way to that apartment. He banged on the door, and then stopped. He heard somebody inside and proceeded to call out for Heida, but there were whispers on the other side of the door, so he stayed quiet and waited for some kind of response. There was a loud snap, right after which the door opened. Before his eyes stood Heida, with a dead serious expression on her face.

"Bring it in.", she rasped at him.

"I have been looking for you, I have searched-", he tried to say, but she interrupted him.

"Me?", she asked, genuinely wondering.

"Of course you!", he frowned, "Who else could it be?"

"Uh, I wouldn't know."

"Please come out, I yearn to talk to you.", he pleaded, his eyes full of emotion. He didn't have the ability to recognise what he was feeling at the moment. All he knew was how much he had wanted for this to happen.

"Sure", she replied with hesitation, closing and locking the door behind her and tossing the key beneath the gap. In the meantime, she reached for the side of her belt and took out a gun. His eyes widened and he stepped back while raising his hands in the air.

"I do not aim to cause you any kind of harm.", he said softly. He was terrified and his attempt to not show it failed.

"Even if you do, you're too slow.", she stated coldly. He could barely recognise her. Her stare alone was lethal, her legs were as sturdy as they could be. Her arm was steady as she had it in position. Did she expect him to hurt her? 

"Before you make any assumptions, hear me out.", he pleaded again.

"There is no assumption to be made, Ivor. Only facts that lead to logical conclusions."

"Let me talk to you."

"Just cut to the chase, I have business to do."

"Yes, ma'am.", he nodded and opened his mouth so as to begin. His mind went blank. Heida raised her brow. "Where should I start?", he mumbled.

"What do you want to tell me?", she spoke softly this time, yet her grip on her weapon never loosened.

"May you discard your gun, please?", he closed his eyes. "It is rather unfortunate, but I am afraid I cannot speak with a gun pointed at my head." He felt sweat drip down his left temple.

"Gun stays as it is", she said calmly. "Speak up or leave. Haven't you grown tired of wasting my time?"

"I want to tell you that I am absolutely not wasting your time, Heida. That is what I came here for. I owe you one too many explanations.", he paused for a second to breathe and continued, "I also owe you an apology. Many apologies, to be honest."

"Go on", she raised one brow. She was probably liking what he was telling her. Or she could just be intrigued.

"I had no choice." Ivor looked down as he spoke. His voice was barely audible. He felt a lump in his throat as he tried to speak. "I am so, so sorry for what I caused you."

"You are forgiven.", she hissed. "Do I have the right to ask you something?" She murmured. She had let her hand drop and she was currently loosely holding onto her gun.

"Anything", he looked at her, his eyes glistening with hope.

"Why?", her voice cracked, but she didn't shed a single tear. Her eyes were red and her cheeks flaming. If anything, she was probably angry.

"Because I...", he hesitated, "...am a coward.", he said, his face red with shame.

"I was already aware of that. Tell me something I do not know..."

"I am willing to make up for everything. Get you a house, have guards around you at all times. Your safety and wellbeing will be ensured. I want to try again-"

"Your money is bitch-made.", she spat at him. "If you want to try again, you are late. Too late."

"Heida"

"My name is not Heida, Ivor." 

He was puzzled once again. He remembered her damn name. He visited that tree they had carved with their initials when they were teenagers. He had called her Heida too many times.

"What is your real name?"

"I do not want to tell you. I do not trust you. I never make the same mistake twice."

"I may have made mistakes. Plenty of them, actually... I have certainly broken your trust with my actions."

"And your lies."

"I have not once lied to you, I swear-"

"Don't bother. I could not care less about it. I am done."

"Well, I am not. I want to prove to you that what we had was no mistake."

"Your humour is definitely impeccable."

"I love you. And I will do anything to get you back. I have not stopped thinking about you ever since I left. I have been searching for you. I have been beating myself up all this time. I have made unforgivable mistakes. But I never lied to you. I fucking love you and I will regain your trust, even if it takes me a million years to do so. I will never give up on you, give up on us. I will fight to get us back together, even if it is the last thing I do."

"You are a fucking idiot who is used to have people drop at his feet and thinks that I can fall for the same trick all over again."

"Your choice of words is rather improper, unlike you."

"Do you want me to add 'charming' to the list as well?"

"Do not mock me.", he scoffed, annoyed.

"Or what? Will you get your uncle to put me in my place again? Have him do the dirty work for you? He is used to it, isn't he?"

"I would rather we do not discuss about him. I may make poor vocabulary choices."

"I could make them for you. Only if I didn't pity the saliva I would waste spelling out his name."

"You have every right-"

"Oh, I know, lover boy. You are the ignorant one in this situation."

"I know...", Ivor looked at the ground, feeling defeated. I should have known, he thought to himself, but didn't want to give Heida -or whatever her name was- up. "I realised it late."

"I know.", she admitted. There was sadness in her voice.

"Can we try to fix it?", he asked, every word punctuated with exceptional hesitation.

"I have no idea. I still don't believe a single word that you said.", she muttered bitterly.

"It is alright.", Ivor sighed. "But I am incapable of accepting that you and me are over."

"I can certainly see that."

"Is it okay if I hug you?", he looked up at her after a long pause.

"What?", she held his wide-eyed gaze.

"I would rather not repeat myself...", he raised his brows nervously and tried to hide his blushing cheeks with a smile.

"Only if i have my revolver in hand.", she gave him a half smile and he almost lunged at her, but managed to contain himself.

He closed the distance between them and pulled her in a warm embrace. Her hands traveled up his chest and around his neck, while his caressed her back and waist. She nuzzled her face right in the crook of his neck. At first he was stunned, but as soon as he heard her gun drop to the ground, he came to and rested his head alongside hers. 

He tried to breathe, but all he could smell was her sweet scent of coffee and sandalwood with vanilla notes. His mind went blank once again. He couldn't think of anything to say or do. He didn't even want to. He just wanted to stay like this for as long as he could.

Chapter Text

Inej never managed to sleep. She was restless all night, checking on her things and crossing tasks off her list. She would be leaving by noon and everything should be ready before that. Kaz was great help, yet he seemed a little off. He had the temperament of a wet black cat, which was unsurprising, but this time he was grumpier than usual, bossing people around and barking orders. He had gotten half the Crow Club members to lend a hand, for which she was thankful, but she certainly did not want to burden anyone. She was assured she could pull it all off with her crew alone, as she had done a couple more times.

Kaz and Inej were supposed to be organising and giving orders. While she was instructing her crew to prepare any loose ends, he was scaring literally everyone to work fast and efficiently. His entire demeanor at the time was definitely a terrifying sight.

Specht and Rotty were to be checking the harbour and the entire region so as to ensure the Wraith's safety. They had been out for more than half a day, which, alone, could not indicate anything, but they knew how to do their job, so Inez didn't worry as much about them.

Dray had been in the streets since the day before, collecting information regarding other gangs' plans. Kaz had made him even search in merchers' offices, just in case anyone wanted to sabotage the Wraith. Inej was quite unfamiliar with him, as he had come shortly before the Ice Court heist and was no older than fifteen, yet Kaz seemed to rely on his efficiency, which was somewhat reassuring.

Jesper and Wylan were also supposed to help around. Inej had never assigned them anything, but Kaz said that was on him so she didn't worry about it. What she knew was that they would definitely come over to say goodbye.

Medusa was the only one who had not shown up at all. After the fight she had with Kaz because of the Grand Ball she was neither seen nor heard around the Barrel. Inej figured she was mad and needed time.

A few hours before she was to board the ship, she went to her room at the Slat one last time. She found Kaz already there standing face to the window where she would always sit.

"You're here.", he rasped.

"You know I wouldn't leave without a proper goodbye.", she said as she walked to stand beside him.

"I do.", he nodded and cleared his throat. "You should be going towards the harbour."

"I am. I just wanted to see you before I go."

Kaz did not respond. She did not expect him to. She slowly backed away and left without making a sound. She walked through the streets and made her way to the harbour. She did ever so slowly, as though taking in every image, every smell. No matter how she disliked Ketterdam, she would always miss living there. 

As she approached the Wraith, she stood and looked over at the sea. While her mind was at ease, a wave of nostalgia and melancholy hit her and she started to tear up, but she did not cry. Her eyes watered and she let them, yet that was it. She heard the click of Kaz's cane and as he stood next to her she looked up at him. Her gaze met his and for a split moment she saw him smile and as she could not believe it, she convinced herself that she was hallucinating. 

"This is yours", he said as he handed her a carved knife. It had a wooden handle at the end of which was a sharp blade, carved with the Crow Club symbol.

"Thank you.", she whispered smiling. She took it gently from his palm and placed it among her other blades. 

She only noticed his ungloved hands when he reached for hers, brought it up and pressed a kiss on it. She stared wide-eyed as he then slowly lowered it, but never let go. Neither of them spoke for a while. They just stood there, next to each other, fingers intertwined, his thumb barely stroking hers.

"I wish you luck in whatever mission you have in mind.", he rasped.

"I will pray to the Saints so that you too have luck in anything you are doing.", she said in response.

"Inej", he turned to her, his eyes locking with hers, "you are the only Saint that I believe in.", he said, his hand squeezing hers.

Inej was stunned and just nodded. Her heart was pounding, yet she couldn't move a single muscle. The shock wore off a few moments later and she stepped closer to him. 

"I will miss you", she said as she cupped his cheek.

"The feelings are mutual", he said in a low voice as he blushed.

She felt the urge to pull him closer. Hug him tight. Kiss him. Take his hand and put him in the ship with her. She did not want to let him go again. Why are goodbyes so damn heart-wrenching? She already knew the answer. At this point, she could only feel blessed to have people in her life it is hard to say goodbye to. She liked to think of it exactly like that. She was thankful.

Inej looked at Kaz's face and took in every feature, every mark, every scar. She mapped every little detail of his face. She memorised every part of him as if it was something sacred. She wanted to remember him.

When she arrived at her ship, Jesper and Wylan were waiting to greet her. She embraced them both and expressed her desire to come back for another visit. She got on the ship and set sail. She did not look back. She did not want to cry. She only made a promise to her Saints that she would return.

As she could no longer see Ketterdam, she went into her room. On her bed she found a piece of paper folded and tied with some thread. She opened it swiftly and her eyes skimmed through the words.

My lovely Inej

My apologies for not giving you a proper goodbye today. Someone had arranged something for me that I could not possibly skip. I wanted to wish you luck in your journey, even though we all know how skilled and proficient you are.

I have hidden you a little surprise under your mattress. I just thought your hair would be thankful. I have too sailed one too many times and found it useful and, since I no longer indulge in such activities, I am passing it down to you.

P.S.: In case my stupid excuse of a boss never told you, he loves you.

Lots and lots of kisses

Medusa

Inej folded the letter and placed it among her knives with a smile on her face. She was still blushing because of that bottom line as she searched for Medusa's little surprise. Underneath the mattress she found large satin burgundy headscarf. She then successfully attempted to wear it and went out on board.

Chapter Text

Freya walked past the empty alleyways by Ivor's side. Her whole body was stiff. She was silent. Her footsteps were soundless but steady. Her face had a cold expression. Yet her mind was bolting.

What would she say? What if her throat went dry mid-sentence? What if she had one of those stupid panic attacks again? What if she shot him? Would they escort her out? Would they put her in a cell as well? What if he tried to lay his hands on her again? Would Ivor take care of him? 

"Darling", Ivor cooed as he held her hand and stroked it, interrupting her train of thoughts.

"I'm good", she replied quickly and averted his gaze. "How long is this going to take?"

"According to the arrangements I have made, no longer than an hour. You may of course interrupt and leave at any time given.", he paused. "I will be there", he stated, squeezing her hand, "for anything you need I will be by your side."

"Thank you", she nodded. She could not really say much. Her entire body had gone numb.

"Het Steen Prison, Havenstraat 17, here we are.", Ivor said and checked with Freya before even making a step towards the entrance of the prison, never letting go of her hand. He talked to the secretary with whom he had arranged the guarded meeting and headed to a small cell that was probably the interrogation cell. There, two chairs were waiting for them on one side of the table, that separated them from another one, in which Jan Van Eck sat, his hands cuffed behind his seat. A guard stood at the corner of the room, arms crossed, examining all three of them.

"Why are you here?", Jan spoke first. He was clearly referring to Ivor, whose eyes had nothing but pure hatred in them as he stared at his uncle.

"Let's not play this game", Freya spoke as soon as she noticed the tension between the two men. Her voice did not shake. She did not slur. For once, she was facing Jan Van Eck and she was steady.

"I am afraid you are the reason I am brought here today, aren't you?", he looked at her, annoyed. She held back a scoff. Of course, what an inconvenience!, she thought but did not say a word. She was there to talk, not argue. No matter how much she wanted not to, she had to watch her mouth. "You are nothing but trouble, aren't you...", he nodded disapprovingly. "Cat got your tongue?", he mocked.

Freya exchanged glances with the guard. She then looked at Ivor, not to help her respond, but to help her regain her composition. She was assured that if the filth sitting across from her said one more word she would kill him in an instant. Ivor grabbed her hand and soothed it.

"How can a person's dignity be priced, Mister Van Eck?", she inquired. Calm. Prudent. Contained.

"I have no idea what you are referring to, Miss Hendricks.", he smirked and Freya shivered but did not show it.

"I suggest we omit the part where you deny all your horrendous acts and speak as people who understand each other, shall we?", she smiled ironically. Ivor squeezed her hand affirmatively.

"Heida, I owe you exactly nothing. I never held back any of your monthly payments. I have always been nothing but tolerant. I always let you take your brakes, most of which lasted longer than we had agreed. I never scolded you for leaving my son overnight, never dragged you back at your job. I accepted it, alright? What more could you possibly want from me?", he pleaded. What a show he has put on just for us. So glad we got them front row tickets!

"I fear you have misunderstood me. I came here because of personal affairs. I have not once complained about the time when I was in your service." She spoke confidently while looking Van Eck in the eye. At the moment she did not feel small or weak.

"Alright then.", he paused, possibly to think. "Ivor is of no need here since you want to discuss more private matters.", he cocked his eyebrow.

"Oh no, he stays.", she said quickly. "Either way, he knows. No need to hide from Ivor, Mister Van Eck.", Freya bit back a smirk. Of course he didn't want Ivor in the room. How else could he manipulate her? It would be pathetic to say the least putting up a show in front of his nephew, the one he trusted for over a decade. Jan certainly did not want to make a fool of himself.

"May I start from the end? It is far more convenient to explain moving backwards."

"Feel free to do so.", Jan clenched his teeth, visibly uncomfortable.

"I left because I was pregnant.", she spat, feeling the blood rush to her ears. She once again tried to gain her composition. Jan had an unreadable expression on his face.

"Do you expect me to say congratulations or something?", he mocked.

"I expect you to own up to your actions."

"As far as I can remember, you had been in a relationship with my dear nephew while being at my service... Am I mistaken?"

"In a mostly platonic relationship, you can be assured. And in case your memory fails you, Ivor had been send to do business in Fjerda two years before I left. Even if you claim that the baby was his, the timeline would prove you wrong."

"What are you accusing me of, young lady? Don't you know who-"

"You are nobody. And I am accusing you of molestation.", she said in a serious tone. 

There was no way of denying it. She had given birth to a hospital. She had kept all of her papers. Her work at the Van Eck Mansion was all legal. Her baby girl's papers were safely kept at her house. She had paperwork to prove to him everything. He was well aware of his actions too.

"So what do you want?", he stared at her. "Money? You know I have none. Justice? There is no legal way."

Freya said nothing. For once, Jan was right. It did not matter anymore. She could ask for nothing. Her gaze slowly ascended to meet his. She took off her jacket, then her long-sleeved shirt. From the waist up she had nothing on but a thin tank top. Tears pooled in her eyes and she shivered but did not cover up. She felt three sets of eyes scanning her, staring. She felt embarrassed, an attention seeker. She never wanted anyone to see her scars. Any sane person would think that they were there so that someone would notice. To her, someone noticing was never in her to-do list. She needed a way to cope, and alcohol was clearly never enough. Neither was staying restless and occupied at all times.

She stared back at Van Eck, defeated. "I do not want an apology.", she gulped, "I have long understood you are not capable of feeling any human emotion. I just wanted you to know that since you cannot feel shitty for everything you have done it has caused other people feeling bad themselves." A moment passed and she smiled bitterly. "I give zero fucks about what is in that awful head of yours, but I would appreciate it if someone ever told me why you are this way. I want this to make sense."

"Miss Hendricks, you may leave now.", he said as soon as Freya stopped talking. He was staring at the table in front of him, his face once again cold as ice.

Chapter Text

"You're late!", Vex hissed to Medusa. He had been waiting for her for over an hour. "And you look like you've seen a damn ghost!"

"I had some things to do and they took me more time than I had originally expected, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting here...", she whispered. "Your place?", she asked, looking him in the eye. Vex nodded in response.

"So, what are your findings?", she inquired as soon as they stepped into his apartment.

"I got the juiciest tea, baby girl.", he grinned.

"So...?", she said excitedly.

"So, basically, Ivor went to the ball after Arnold R begged him to. He had no intention of doing business, talking to people, closing deals or anything. Arnold was furious and started to dig into who was attending so that he could convince him. He found out about Dirtyhands and a potential date. That sparked Ivor's interest."

"No", she mumbled. "He is not after my boy, is he?", she hissed.

"Your overprotective nature is making me gag, but no, he is not after Kaz. He knows that you work for him, though.", he said, emphasizing every word. Medusa still looked puzzled. "He was looking for you. He was intrigued when he learnt that Kaz was attending because he guessed that you would accompany him or at least he would find out something about you.", he barked.

"Wow."

"Is that all you have to say?"

"About Ivor, yes.", she paused and looked at Vex. "What do we know about Arnold R?"

"Why the hell would you want to know?"

"I have my reasons", she raised her eyebrows, urging him to go on.

"Okay. So firstly, stay away for your own good."

"Come on! I am no child! I asked for information, not warnings", she scowled at him.

"Fine. He is in his late sixties and has lived all around Ketterdam, mostly overseas. He has been a sailor technically his entire life. He has a reputation for knocking up young ladies then disappearing through thin air. He is a chronic gambler and sort of an alcoholic. He specialises in rum. He helped Ivor rise in business over the last eight months, yet he does not seem to trust him.", he exhaled, then continued, "He is not a good man, Medusa.", he held her gaze. "Trust me and stay away."

"I did not intend to bang him if that is what you're implying.", she spat. "What is his relationship with guns? Revolvers, to be precise."

"He lost one at a bet five to ten years prior, poor guy was devastated...", he answered confused. "Why?"

"Did he say anything in particular about his revolver?"

"That he lost it to a young girl... that it was the prettiest thing he ever owned... that after losing it he almost got depressed... and... holy shit it is your revolver that he once lost!", he exclaimed at last after he pieced the story together.

"That is why I asked.", Medusa nodded as if she knew all along. "At the ball he had scanned me from head to toe. I knew who he was, but did not say a word. He definitely recognised me, or at least I reminded him of something, someone.", her voice got low.

"What is troubling you, baby girl?", Vex playfully pushed her arm.

"Had he ever told you about any of his women?"

"About three of them. What's up with the interrogation tonight? I mean you wanted me to find stuff out, but this is way off topic."

"Vex, I think that Arnold is my father.", she said flatly and stared at him wide-eyed. "I see a striking resemblance. Well, I could be wrong, but I have to know the odds..."

"What, no.", he said defensively. "There is absolutely no way..." He got to think. He repeated the old man's story in his head. Holy shit. The timeline. The people. The place. Everything clicked. "I am in denial.", he raised his hands in the air.

"Kaz has started to do business with him. I am sick to my stomach."

"Well it would not be that bad if you really are his daughter."

"Oh please! Are you listening to yourself? You said he is a bad guy. I do not want my boy around him and his dirty business."

"Yeah... You have a point actually..." Medusa glared at him. "Quite a few to be precise."

"You will not say a word anywhere.", she shot him with a glare after merely a second.

"Your confidentiality is ensured.", he responded as always.

"This time I will give you a skull piercing if anyone finds out.", she continued still glaring.

"I do not plan on dying soon. No one will ever know.", he assured her.

"Do not play me", she continued, "I can and will find out, whether I am here or not." She glared at him. He gulped and nodded, never having seen her like this. 

"Whether you are here or not?", he asked a few seconds after he realised what she had said.

"Shit I forgot to tell you", she whispered.

"Tell me what? You are leaving?", he gasped. He did not want to lose her. Even though their relationship was transactional, he had grown fond of Medusa. He thought of her as an older sister. She was one of the very few people he would trust. In a matter of seconds his eyes got glossy and red. She just looked at him with a sad expression on her face.

"I physically cannot stay.", she whispered. "I have to leave. I bought back a farm that was in my name back in the day. There is no address, but there are certainly very few farms in Liz. At least that was the case when I was a kid. I don't know about now. Guess I will find out.", she winked and smiled to lighten the mood. "I am moving there with Ivor. Kaz helped me arrange all of the paperwork. He got me tickets for the train. My apartment is his, but if you need anything you are welcome to pass by." She noticed how his face had changed. Her soothing voice and reassuring tone did nothing to ease the pain in his chest.

"I will write you letters", she told him as she stroked a tear off his rosy cheek. "When we make the house viable you will come in and stay for a few days.", she promised. Medusa never promised. "I mean it, Vex.", she said softly.

Vex inched closer and rested his head on her shoulder. She cupped his face with her hand and held it gently. I am not losing her, he thought to himself over an over, yet the lump in his throat never loosened. 

"If you ever need anything talk to Kaz", she told him before leaving. "He knows", she cooed. Medusa pressed a kiss on his forehead and left without looking behind once. 

Vex did not let the tears stream, though he yearned to, and got back inside. He sat on his bed and stared at the wall. After what felt like forever, he got back up and strolled to the gambling hall but kept walking as he went right past it.

Chapter Text

Kaz had not slept in days. With Ivor walking in and out of Freya's apartment he never got the chance to rest. He scoffed at himself for wanting to sleep, but Freya would always tell him off whenever he got mad at himself.

He had made most arrangements by himself; the paperwork, the transactions, the boat, the carriage on the other side and he had even gotten Specht and Rotty to carry boxes to the carriage and inside the boat.

Kaz made his way to her house. This would be the last time he would find her there. He tried to shake this heavy feeling off his chest. He forced himself to pick up his pace, though his bad leg ached terribly. He reached the house and stalled for a second before coming in.

Ivor was gently placing Freya's clothes in a large box that lay on the bed. He was careful and Kaz was pleased. They exchanged a quick greeting and Kaz went to the kitchen to find Freya sat on the chair sipping her coffee. He closed the door behind him and sat next to her.

"You can always come back.", he rasped.

She turned her head to him and gave him a warm smile. "I would not ask for permission to come back you know", she cocked up one eyebrow.

"I was trying to be sweet for once", he mumbled.

"You know I could never stay", she whispered. It is true. Kaz of course knew that. She had been travelling for almost a decade yearning for the day that she found her family again. Her family still was in that farm in Liz. They would always be there. "It feels hard to leave as well, you should know.", she averted his gaze. His eyes softened and he nodded. It is hard for me too, he almost said.

She looked at him with that bittersweet smile and placed her hand on top of his gloved one. He did not flinch. He did not feel nauseous. Her hand felt like home. Then Ivor barged in. He pulled his hand away at once and straightened his back.

"I am sorry for interrupting, but you might want to come to the bedroom and see what else you want to bring with you, love.", he said. Love. It did not sound theatrical. It was not forced. Ivor had genuinely called her 'love' like he meant it. As he should.

"Oh, thank you, coming right in.", she said quickly and got up but turned to Kaz once more. "Come along, I want to show you what I am leaving behind."

Freya wasted no time and showed Kaz most basic things he should know. He probably knew anyway but still went along. The carriage was already outside. Ivor carried one big box out and Freya followed with a smaller one. For an instant he hated himself for not helping, but before he could offer, she glared at him and motioned for him to sit on the bed. He sat down obediently, shocked at his reaction.

They got all together in the carriage and headed to the port, Specht and Rotty were already waiting for them there. She had sat across him and he took his time observing her. She was not restless. Not fidgeting. Ivor had his hand intertwined with hers on her thigh. Freya was poised. 

"Mister Brekker, would you perhaps visit us at Liz?", Ivor said as if he had been wondering for a long time.

"No.", Kaz replied blandly, which left Ivor with a stunned expression on his face.

"I swear he is nicer when he is comfortable...", Freya whispered. Ivor shot her with a side eye but said nothing.

When they arrived, Ivor stormed to pick the boxes and move them to the boat alongside the two men. Freya stepped out of the carriage slowly, followed by Kaz. They both stopped, keeping a noticeable distance from the boat.

"I am coming back.", she expressed loudly enough to startle Kaz.

"Will you write me?"

"Every week.", she nodded. 

She saw Ivor signalling for her to come. She turned to Kaz, ran her hand through his hair and kissed him on the top of his head. He stared at her wide-eyed but did not respond in any way.

"A kiss at the top of your head and a promise it will be alright.", she added. He almost smiled. Instead he put his hand on her shoulder and caressed it with his thumb.

"Take care of yourself."

"You too."

Before leaving, she handed him a letter. 

"You and your damn letters", he mumbled, managing a crooked smile.

She mouthed 'love you' and jogged to the boat. She got in, hugged Ivor and turned back to Kaz. She waved at him like a child yet he stood there looking at her. When he could no longer see her, he went home. Home. It was no longer 'home' without Freya. But it could be. Improbable. It can still be a home.

He got in and Jade was waiting for him on the bed. When she saw him, she rubbed against his leg, begging for pets. He got a piece of meat jerky that was wrapped in napkin from his pocket and gave it to her. Jade purred and followed him to the bed. She sat beside him as he opened the letter.