Work Text:
Lu Guang was exhausted, having gone through so much in such little time. Resting in a hospital bed, a room down from his injured partner certainly wasn't helping. Just knowing that Cheng Xiaoshi was hospitalized as well made him feel a sense of dread, guilt, misery that was indescribable. He'd rather not think about it, but laying there in an empty room with nothing to do wasn't giving him much to work with in terms of distractions.
At this moment, though, police captain Xiao Li was with him. He hoped a conversation with the older man would help his stress, but he would be wrong.
---
"How has the police station been since... everything that happened that night?"
Lu Guang asked the captain officer, who was sat beside his hospital bed. So much had happened that night a few weeks back when they all went into that damn tunnel system.
"Crazy... I just can't believe we let that kid get away..."
"Li Tianchen... that's right."
"It was so... so sudden. No one had a chance to even go after him. It's gonna be a damn headache to find him again."
"You've been so busy... I guess that makes sense."
"I know. I'm sorry I haven't been able to visit you two much... that's why I've been keeping in touch with Qiao Ling when I can. She said you two are healing well."
Lu Guang hummed in agreement, nodding his head briefly.
"Good... I wish I could have protected you all better back then"
Lu Guang felt a small frown emerge on his face. He didn't want Xiao Li to feel any sort of guilt, especially when he did everything possible to protect them.
"You've done everything you can, Captain. Don't blame yourself... this is as new to you as it is to us."
"I know, kid... I just don't like knowing that you two got so hurt."
Lu Guang could only think of one thing when the man referenced their injuries. The exact moment the bullet made contact with Cheng Xiaoshi played on repeat in his mind. The sound of the gunshot was tattooed in his brain since that very day. All of the trauma he felt in that moment came flooding back, making him wish he was in the comfort of his own shared home. Unfortunately, he couldn't cut while being glued to a hospital bed.
Not having the resources but fighting the urge, he let his left hand reach to his right arm, lightly scratching over old scars as the conversation continued.
"It's not your fault, sir... I assure you."
The captain sighed, frustrated by it all.
"I'm glad you still trust me, kid."
"Of course I do... we all do."
"Well then, I appreciate the reassurance."
Xiao Li's eyes drifted down, seeing Lu Guang's scratching grow a bit more intense. Lu Guang quickly noticed this, and wanted to keep the man's attention off of it.
"You said those subways were closed that next day, right?"
The man's eyes snapped back up to make contact with Lu Guang's.
"Yeah, the whole next day, that subway line was shut down. It caused a lot of issues with people who needed it to travel to work... and we couldn't exactly tell the public that a murder happened down there."
"I take it that no one was happy about it?"
"You wouldn't believe..."
The word 'murder' rang in Lu Guang's ear. That poor girl was taken out, and she was completely innocent. Life was beyond unfair.
If he hadn't gone back to save Cheng Xiaoshi... maybe... she'd still be alive. He was selfish, so selfish.
He kept on scratching, picking at the dead skin that covered past scars. It was subconscious, deserved.
"Hey, kid. Is your arm that itchy?"
The older man asked, leaning in ever so slightly closer.
"H-hey, there's blood on your nails!"
Lu Guang looked down, and sure enough, he had re-opened one of the scars on his right arm, leaving a trace of blood on his fingernails. He didn't know what to say as a drop of blood slid down onto the hospital gown he was wearing.
"That cut... was that already there?"
Xiao Li asked with an intense demeanor. Lu Guang knew that whatever excuse he made, it'd have to be fast
"I... yeah, it... uh... was a papercut."
"How on earth did you get a paper cut that deep in a hospital? Let alone, without a nurse bandaging it up?"
Lu Guang didn't know how to reply. It was such a bad lie.
"Come to think of it... this cut is deep. Are you alright?"
"I- I'm fine, captain. Don't worry about a little cut on my arm."
"Let me see it, then. I can have a nurse wrap it up-"
"No-! I- I mean-"
Xiao Li gave the boy a look of confusion as he gently pulled Lu Guang's closer. All of that confusion was replaced with concern as he brushed the sleeve of his hospital gown out of the way;
Because it wasn't just one rather deep cut, but many.
Some were newer than others, a few were even little white lines. But they all had something in common: They were most certainly self inflicted.
"Kid, why the hell is your arm covered in scars??"
The officer asked, worried. His voice unintentionally came out a bit angry, not helping Lu Guang's anxiety.
"I-it's a long story, you don't have to worry, sir."
"Don't have to worry? Lu Guang, some of these only look to be about a month old."
Lu Guang tried to pull his arm away, but the officer's grip was firm. Caring, but firm. The captain sighed, leaning back in the chair but not letting go of the boy's injured limb.
"I'll keep this between us. I just need to know... why?"
Lu Guang avoided eye contact like the plague. He hadn't ever been confronted before over this. Not in this timeline, anyways. Even then, it would throw him for a loop. Some things never change.
"...It... really is a long story... one that... I'm not ready to tell. I hope you understand."
Xiao Li was quiet, thinking over the answer given. He spoke softly.
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. But if you don't mind me asking... how long have you been doing this to yourself? Some of these look pretty old."
Since the third timeline, Lu Guang thought to himself. Of course, that couldn't be his answer, but he felt bad lying...
"I... I've lost track... it's all been a blur." That wasn't exactly a lie.
"...I see. And do... your friends know about this?"
"No, sir... You.. won't tell them, will you?"
"I said it already... this is just between us."
Lu Guang watched as Xiao Li leaned over to reach something on the counter next to him. He took a wipe out of a package that was left in a first aid kit, and ran it over Lu Guang's slightly bloody cut, cleaning it with full attention. Lu Guang felt a slight heat rise to his cheeks, not used to being taken care of like this.
"Captain... you don't have to..."
Xiao Li ignored the quiet protest, and tossed the wipe away in a nearby trash can, before reaching for some bandages. Without a word, he unrolled some of the white bandaging, and wrapped it around Lu Guang's tiny injury. It was almost silly, the way he went out of his way to take such care of a boy who just picked on a scab. He knew it was deeper than that, and he could sense from Lu Guang's hesitance to accept the gesture that the boy had been used to handling these cuts all on his own.
He stuck the adhesive side down, and patted it an extra time to make sure it stayed in place. Lu Guang looked at it, with a whisper of a shaky breath, taking it all it.
"I don't have to, sure. But I will. I care about you kids. I don't know what you've gone through, Lu Guang, but I can tell you one thing."
Lu Guang looked back up at the man, left hand now resting on the bandaged part of his opposing arm, processing what just happened.
"You don't need to do this alone."
Lu Guang felt tears begin to form, and he glanced away quickly, not wanting the man to see him like this.
Xiao Li reached out, and took Lu Guang's right hand in his own. Lu Guang felt the calloused, larger hand's loving warmth, and that only made it harder for the tears to stay in.
"I'm here for you, whenever you need me. I don't care how busy I am with work... I'll always make time for you... all of you."
"...but why me..?"
"Because you, kid... are just as important as anyone else. I want you to remember that."
The captain's other hand reached up to wipe the stray tear from Lu Guang's cheek.