Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Joe Biden sat down in his fancy chair in the white house "where am I" he said oldly, his dentures falling out.

"The white house" Boe Jiden said

"Who are you" said joe biden

"Joe biden" said Boe Jiden

"Who am I" said joe biden

"Boe Jiden" said Boe Jiden.
“Wait…….. if you’re Joe Biden,…,., and I’m Joe Biden……….. then who’s flying the plane?,!?!?!!?!!???” Said Joe Biden
“Uh oh………..” said Joe Biden

A idek anymore plane flew towards……. The west tower?!???!????
"WHAT THE??????"
"Sir a second plane hit the eiffel tower"
"No it didnt" Boe Jiden says before whispering something to Joe Biden
"I think.... I think I need a gun...."
Joe Biden shoots himself leaving Boe Jiden to take over the country
Boe jiden cracks under the pressure. He becomes an alcoholic and gets a bbl. Everyone is so enamored by his ginormous ass that they stop listening to his policies and the US turns into chaos. That's why I am writing this. If you are reading this now, they have found me and have forced me to have a bbl too. My mind will have been warped. Please send help.
Ignore the previous paragraph, it was a dream plot.

Boe jiden said americanly "Bye bye tower"

The eiffel tower turned "bonjour- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

And then the plane hit it and it fell over.

"I guess now..I'm...the I fell tower..."

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha do you get it hahahahahahahahahahahahaha i fell hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha its so funny hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Chapter Text

“Yeehaw” the west tower says, westly, as it is west and west means Cowboy because west
“What the apple” or whatever applejack from my little pony says idk I didn’t watch the anime
“Woah…………… you’re a cowboy………… and I’m west…………….”
“Ermmmm actually I’m a cowpony you fucking idiot god I can’t believe these city buildings and not knowing what a pony is.”
"I aint no city buildin im the west tower"
"The what"
"The west tower"
"The what"
"The west tower"
"The what"
"The west tower"
"The west what"
"The west tower"
"the what tower"
"The west tower"
"What west tower"
"The west tower"
"More like the wild west tower" and then applejsck starts shooting up the tower with an old timey revolver. She may seem crazy, but she is mourning her lesbian lover Rarity, who died in the war against gay people. It was very sad. The only way applejsck can cope is through a drug fueled psychosis where she believes she is Arthur Morgan from the hit rockstar game red dead redemption 2. What a travesty.
"STOP. FIGHTTTTINGGG!!!!!!!"
what the neil cicierega?????
HES HERE!!! HE WROTE TOUCH TONE TELEPHONE.
"Im... my name is ceil nicierega. aka....... demon lemon"
Aaiwshurosaifhhdajsi” says the ikea alien (Neil cicaerias lover and long time Logan pail fan)
“Hey what did we say about saying slurs”
“Goaeal :(“
“That’s right” Neil cisgender and the alein kiss on the lips or smth idk what do these freaks do

“What the apple” lesbianjack says, lesbianly

The most beautiful, spectacular, awe inspiring, delightful, stunning, amazing animation plays to HOT TO GO by Chappell Roan (the gay god and mind flayer)

And then a plane crashes into the west tower killing everyone except Neil citizen because he’s too cool to die

Chapter Text

It was a miku concert - Sep 11.1937
"im on top of the world because of youuuuuuuuuuuuu" meku sing in front of the secret mysterious west tower, causing it to collapse. Then JFK showed up and said

"See!!!!! Jet fuel can't have melted those supports!!!! It was a Sekai job!!!!! I was right all along!!!!"

"JFK!?!?!?!??!?!!" The secret west tower exclaimed, coming back from the dead.

"President johnathan eff kennedy, I am honored." Said miku, very in character.

"No, Hatsune Miku, I am honored." Said John F Kennedy.

"Hey!!!! Hey!!!! solve my riddle!!!!!!!" said The secret wesrt tower
“Bro you’re not saw” Hatsune miku said to the west tower (who is wearing a cowboy hat)

“YES I AM!!!!!! SOLVE MY PUZZLES!!!!!!!!”
“SOLVE THIS DICK” jfk said, presidentially

Hatsune miku starts breakdancing, going apeshit, and causing a ruckus
Sound equipment and performers fly across the world, circling back to hit the secret wesrt tower

“NOOOOOOOOOO MY BONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Screamed the secret wesrt tower in agony, it’s puzzles solving themselves in shock
This is a tragedy
A news team shows up reporting the unfortunate 10/12 incident
"jump them" Hatsune miku orders, everyone in the crowd immediately flinging themselves onto the reporters, dogpiling
they die of Hatsune miku.
the tower will crumble and nobody can stop this, not even-
WHAT THE NEIL CICIEREGA???
"And enjoy a life that never should get old" he vocalizes, fusing out of the ground
"woah wr should collab" miku says entranced by his performance
"But it can... and it will... for we'll be human still"
"Woah I never knew he was philosophical like that"
"I think its time for you to know the awful truth"

"What is it!!!! tell the americans!!!! exclaimed JFK

"The truth about me and the truth about you"

"Spit it out!!!!" said Hatsune miku

"no i must go to my side account because I got locked out of my main" said Neil cyprus as he logged into none other than the Kwite twitch account

"so the truth is...neil cicierega is secretly kwite?" said jfk

"yes" said neil kwiterega

"this is terrible news" said hatsune miku

"no it isnt" said neil kwiterega

"this is the worst thing to ever happen on september eleventh" said Jfk presidentially.

"yes I concur." said Hatsune miku

"Do not fret, for i am still your friendly neighborhood family friendly kwite. I just make super awesome amazing award winning music along with my super awesome amazing award winning youtube videos." said kwite cicierega

Chapter Text

Kwite showed up to his nightshift. 9-5. PEE EM.
"Golly gee I'm so tired!"

And then he heard a mischevious laugh and looked up to see Spring Kitsuragi mischeviously rubbing his hands together.
"I am Liutenant Springtrap Kitsuragi of Fazbear Frights 57."

"What the freak...." Kwite sleepily mumbled.

"I'm here to investigate this murder." Springtrap Kitsurafton said.

"What murder" kwite

"The murder of 5 kids"

"dont you mean like 7 or something"

"
“IM IN PHYSICAL PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Springtrap kitsurafton shrieked, commencing mitosis or something I’m just tryna undo whatever the fuck was previously written idk what’s going on anymore I think we lost the plot

“What the kwuck” Kwite said, kwitely

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

“Plant”
How did he know bee was vine
biner alert
Kim starts seizing after being unfused, springtrap being springlocked again or something I don't know I never played 5 noches e Freddy fazber
It's incredible pain
"You're being dramatic"
"Ok" and springtrap stands up without a single piece of pain (1)
Kim however, does not
idek whats happening how did this chapter go so wrong
But it went right!!!!!!!!!!

Kim bleeds out or has a brain aneurysm or something Kwite should play Disco Elysium
Anyway Kim is dead RIP

Springtrap and Kwite DGAF they make out or whatever those freaks do………………………………………..
Happy ending for them not for Kim Harry will be heartbroken💔💔

Springtrap and Kwite go on to kill children or something and get married, the reception is beautiful and divorce is NOT an option Kwite is holding the rabbit hostage

PLAY DISCO ELYSIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Text

“It’s trapping time” said springtrap, trapping all over the place
“Yeehaw” said the west tower, westly
“Wait a minute I thought you were dead”
“Fuck off British boy”
“I’m only British in the games!!!! I’m an actor!!!!!!!!!!”
“I don’t know what acting is KYS!!!!!”
“I HOPE YOU DIE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Springtrap angrily crashes a plane into the tower, making the 9/11 death toll skyrocket 23 years later. He walked out of the burning building, "I always come back...." and then immediately makes out with Kwite who was just a bystander streaming the newest 9/11 attack
fun fact kwite actually had the mask on so

"what beautiful eyes you have" sbringttrap said, gazing into Kwite's sunglasses as he brushes a strand of hoodie hood behind kwite's ear.

"Hey!!!!! Stop that!!!!!" esclaimed the unheard midwest tower.

"Yeah!!!! thats inappropriate!!! kwite is a family friendly streamer I think!!!!" the author of this part of the chapter says authorly. Knowing he has never watched a kwite stream.

"Too bad!!!! we are in love!!! one might even call it.....spring love of kwite trap....."

"WHat the fuck" the unheard midwest tower says.

"come on, springy!!! lets go to Spirit Halloween Columbus Ohio." said kwite as they rode off into the ohio distance
But the Midwest tower had other plans…………………… it blocks the road and launches a nuclear warhead on itself, going down in history as the tower that tried to kill Kwite and springtrap via nuclear means
But springtrap is above that………… he cant die again……………. And he won’t let his husband???? die!!!)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Springtrap does some super madwickedawesome kick flips on a skateboard, launching the bird into the testicles of the nuclear bomb

This moment will go down in history as the day springtrap saved the America of United States from nuclear war……….. for love!!!!
The people of the street lift springtrap and Kwite up and give them three cheers for being so fucking gay
That was until…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
The tower had one last trick up it's sleeve.. ..... or support beams.....
In the last bits of it's will, the building crumbled, flinging pieces of concrete down onto the crowd. They gazed up, accepting their death.
"It's okay. Alphas got this."
Springtrap clutched Kwite before unleashing a power similar to the power of friendship
The power of love!!! (Which it had plenty of, lemon demon ref)
A barrier forms only around Kwite and Springtrap tho everybody else got crushed similar to the titan submersible

Chapter Text

“It’s intruding time!!” The intruder says, intruding
“Hey that’s my catchphrase!!” The intruder says, he intrudes his pants
“WHAT THE INTRUDE!!!” The intruder says
“IM INTRUDING HIM HERE!!!!!”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
“No he’s getting intruded”
I cannot take it anymore I will blend your bones into a dust and mix it into cake flour
The intruder intrudes the intruders intrude
DIE
HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME
Guys I think we lost the plot a lil
“What the skibidi” AO3 user moefag says before dying
wrong wrong wrong delete all of this im tired of you faggots look under your floorboards

Chapter Text

Instead of solving a murder it's solving why firerush45 is a homosexual
its unsolvable
“What the skibidi toilet” firerush45 says, becoming a fire and rushing and 45 years of age
“Why are you like this” Kim Kitsuragi Kim’s himself
God I’m so funny

And then the house burns down or smth idk y’all like Disco Elysium I like Disco Elysium you guys wanna here what I think about Disco Elysium no okay I’ll KILL MYSELF
minor spelling mistake kim kitsuragi body slams you (HEAR*
"um......oh okay. ....." firerush45 judges the balding man
kim kitsuragi is the reason gay people exist
actually this is an alternate universe where discoelysium and pathologic never existed kill yourself bee

Chapter Text

Logan Pail (alternate) was traipsing through the woods alternately when he heard "Kill yourself Bee"

Kill Yourself Bee killed himself. And Logan Pail recorded his dead body.
Bee’s writing this section, what the fuck did I do
Logan pail grinds kill yourself bee into a paste and puts him into lunchly, feeding his remains to unsuspecting children
Those children start melting and turn into lizards or smth WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS FUCK YOU DANIIL DANKOVSKY IS IN TTKS NOW NOW YLY GOTTA WRITE HIM IN OR ILL CRY
you know what you did I will rip your hair from your scalp like roblox did to ruivath and make it into a doll
logan pail like makes out with ksi and mr beast idk whatever they have going on to be GLAZING eachother that much
they heavily overcharge on their lunchly products and use mcdonalds mystery meat as a main source of protein
logan pail makes kill yourself bee into a mattress and logan pail mr beast and ksi all have an orgy and record their moans and put it into a diss track for dantdm because how dare he say 5 words and not retaliate when ksi throws a fit on twitter
WHAT.
WHAT.
WHAT THE FUCK.
IS THIS TO SPITE ME???????
I HATE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!