Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eddie doesn't like to argue with his son. Prefers to talk to Chris the way his parents never did for Eddie. Wants Chris to feel agency over his life that Eddie's own parents had spent years actively trying to rob him of. So he doesn't argue with his son, he explains what he can and commiserates with him over the unexplainable. 

Not to say that when Chris is mad at him with all the fury that preteen hormones and naive righteousness provides that Eddie doesn't defend himself.

It's just... what would he even say to defend himself?

He can barely explain the Kim thing to himself, much less to anyone else. Buck keeps trying to talk him through it. Every time, when Eddie's words seize in his throat and his mind goes fuzzy, Buck gives him that soft concerned face that makes Eddie feel like he kicked a puppy before bringing up Frank again.

Buck's voice goes all soft when he begs Eddie to "please, just try a session."

But Frank would help Eddie fix himself and Eddie doesn't want to get better. He doesn't deserve it. Eddie shouldn’t get to fix himself when he can't even fix his son's trust.

Instead he calls Christopher like clockwork, every day at exactly the same time and hopes that this is the day Chris will be able to look at him over facetime. He calls religiously, without fail. The first week, Chris hadn’t picked up at all. 8 days into their separation, Chris accepts a voice call but rejects the video portion. The first time Chris accepts the facetime request, Eddie nearly cries. He resists only so Chris won’t feel guilty.

It’s in the little window that Eddie realizes how worn down he looks. The dark bags under his eyes contrast against how unusually pale his face appears. There’s a desperate glint in his own eyes that even he can see. Eddie shifts back a little to a darker part of the room and determinedly looks at Christopher instead.

His son’s mouth is puckered, a sour look that tells Eddie that Chris may have picked up but he wasn’t happy about it. Shannon used to look at him like that when he’d done something to upset her. All pinched lips and scrunched nose and stubborn silence. It doesn’t make the sight of his son, for the first time in months outside of the pictures his mother sent, any less beautiful.

“Hey, bud,” Eddie does his best to keep his voice steady.

"Hey, Dad,” Chris sounds small and tinny on his phone speakers. Nothing close to the boisterous kid that Eddie knows. Their calls always start like this, stilted and quiet.

They engage in a verbal dance, Eddie trying not to push too fast while Chris tries to dance around the elephant in the room. Except this time Eddie can see the smile teasing at the corners of Chris’ face when Eddie tells him a ridiculous story about Buck from work.

“That’s not how Buck said it happened,” Chris smirks.

It’s a blessing to know that they’re still talking. Buck had once promised his son that he would always have Buck. Never had he proved it more than with Chris in another state. Buck held firm, refusing to give up any information about their conversations to

Eddie because he “promised Chris, Eddie, I’m sorry.” He hadn’t caved when Eddie lashed out at him, screaming profanity in Buck’s unmoving face. Had held Eddie in his arms after as Eddie sobbed because he just wanted to hear about Chris so badly.

When Eddie apologized the next day, Buck had just clamped a hand on his shoulder to say he’d been forgiven even as it happened.

Eddie doesn’t say any of that to Chris, it’s not his burden to bear. Instead he mumbles, “I’m glad you can still talk to him about it.”

They continue to talk stiltedly, mostly Eddie asking how Chris’ day went and letting the sound of his son’s voice wash over him. He watches Chris’ face on the screen. Basks in the way he lightens up talking about his cousins playing at the lake. Chris is having a good summer, visiting their family in Texas.

Eventually, Eddie begins their goodbyes the way he always does, “Kiddo, when you decide you want to come home, you’ll let me know?”

Chris hums, looking head on at Eddie for the first time. He remembers when that look of concentration used to be directed at Legos rather than on the walking disaster that was his father. Remembers a time Chris didn’t have to worry about his dad’s mess blowing back on him.

“If I had,” Chris lingers on the words, watching Eddie intently through the screen, “If I had conditions?”

Eddie feels his stomach knot up. It’s the first time Chris has ever alluded to a willingness to come home. Usually he just shoots Eddie down with a flat “I know” before hurrying off the call. Eddie Diaz will be damned before he lets this chance slip through his hands.

“Anything,” his voice rings with desperation in his own ears, “Whatever you need to feel ready to come home. If I can make it happen, I will.”

Chris eyes him, young face serious as a judge presiding over trial. An apt comparison because only Chris could condemn or parole Eddie. His fate is in his son’s hands so completely that if he was going to therapy, Frank would probably be concerned. Finally, Chris opens his mouth and says something so earth shattering as to crack the foundations of his father’s mind.

“Marry Buck,” Chris says firmly, leaving no time for Eddie to spiral before he continues, “You couldn’t do anything like… that again if you’re married and he’s already around all the time and you guys are best friends so it wouldn’t even be that different! Plus he’d take care of you! And he- he wouldn’t leave us. He’d be family.”

Chris keeps going in rapid fire rambling sentences, but Eddie’s ears are ringing from how hard the demand has hit him. It’s such an absurd demand that only a kid would even come up with it. Asking Eddie to get married to his best friend just to… stabilize his father. Chris wants some guarantee that Eddie can’t fuck things up so spectacularly again.

They’d had a rough few years, even before the Kim Incident. He’d been shot for one, but that was just the start of a long chain of drawn out bad decisions. Chris had really liked Ana, but when Eddie so callously broke things off she hadn’t so much as called to talk to Chris after. Then Eddie had entered a five-month spiral of quitting his job and having a breakdown and therapy that hit him like a Mack truck to the chest. They’d had a relatively okay year (minus Buck dying) but then he’d yanked both Marisol and Chris around. Having her move in and then kicking her back out. Having an emotional affair with Kim. Letting both Marisol and Chris walk in on whatever scene the two of them had been having.

Eddie loved his kid with all his might, but he knows he hasn’t always been a steady rock. Buck always tells him that’s just being human. Buck says that he can’t be blamed for the ups and downs of existence. Maybe he’s right, but it still feels like a failure. 
Chris is asking for the stability of having Buck be part of their family. The reassurance of two parents who can take care of each other as well as him. A team that can cover each other. He’s just asking… for assurance of what they already have.

Drastic assurance but that doesn’t seem so out of left field given what it’s in response to.

Chris trails off over the phone, face now scrunched in anxiety rather than upset. He looks apprehensive, and Eddie yearns to wipe the furrow from his brows with gentle hands. Wants to kiss his curls in reassurance. Wants his son home where he can take care of him.

"I’ll- we’ll talk more about it tomorrow,” Eddie stutters out. Chris exhales in a gust that feels pointed. It sounds just a little crackled over the phone, reminding Eddie that his son in hundreds of miles away and only asking for one thing.

“Good night, dad.” Is it just Eddie or did that sound resigned?

“I love you, Chris.” Eddie never fails to say it. Will never let his son doubt that Eddie loves him. No matter how many nights he’s failed to receive the same in return, Eddie says it. His love for his son is not dependent on receiving it in turn. A month is nothing, he’ll keep saying it for years without hearing it returned.

“Love you too, dad.”

He needs to talk to Buck.

--

Buck comes over the next morning bearing blueberry muffins and decaf coffee. He’s on an anti-caffeine kick, says it’s bad for anxiety and sleep regulation. Eddie’s honestly not in a head space to fight him on it so he’s also going decaf with some complaint.

He won’t say it, but he has noticed it helping.

Eddie is at the kitchen table, startling Buck who undoubtedly expected him to still be in bed. Eddie hasn’t been the best at pulling himself out of bed since Chris left for anything less than work. Buck now spent every day off rolling Eddie out of bed and bundling him into the real world, much like Eddie once did for Buck after his pulmonary embolism. Covering each other through their worst moments.

(Maybe Chris was onto something.)

“Hey, man,” Buck greets with cheer, clearly pleased that Eddie has found motivation to get himself out of bed for once, “glad to see you up.”

“Yeah,” Eddie mostly grunts out. He has no idea how he’s going to approach this conversation. How do you ask your best friend to marry you because their kid made it a condition of coming home? Eddie finds himself fiddling with his hands and avoiding eye contact when he can’t find the words.

Buck doesn’t let him get away with it for long. He knows every last one of Eddie’s tells, has for years. When Eddie refuses to look at him directly, Buck just drops his spoils and crosses his arms.

“What’s up?”

Eddie tries not to twitch as he flicks his eyes up to Buck’s face. Here goes nothing, “Chris accepted my facetime request last night.”

“Really! That’s great! See I told you he just needed some time.”

“Yeah, he looked… good. Healthy. Not happy with me but what could I expect?”

“Hey, he’s getting there. It was just a lot.”

“Yeah, yeah I know I put him through a lot there-”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Eddie huffs. It may not be what Buck meant, but it’s what Eddie felt. He decided not to say that though lest Buck make despondent puppy eyes at him.

“Anyway, we talked for a bit and then I told him he could come home anytime, like I always do, y’know? And he-”

Buck perks up. His shoulders sliding back, eyes hopeful for what Eddie’s about to say next.

“He said-,” Eddie takes a big breath, “he said he had a condition.”

Buck drops his muffin and leans forward. Normally, Eddie would know that whatever the condition was Buck would be at his back helping him fulfill it without question. Normally.

“What condition?” Buck’s smile shines the way it did that night after they pulled a grenade out of a man’s leg. Hope and enthusiasm and a hundred other shining emotions. Buck’s smile slides into a little smirk, “Does he want a new Playstation? Cause we can pick that up this morning and have you on a plane this afternoon.”

He kinda wishes. It would be much easier to bribe his kid into coming home than convince his best friend to marry the absolute mess that he is.

“He- well- he wants,” Eddie sucks in a breath to steady himself, “He said he would come back if I married you.”

Buck’s face is frozen in the smirk for a second before going slack. There’s a soft thump when Buck flops back against the chair from where he was leaning forward. For a breath, they just stare at each other before Buck huffs out a laugh.

“You sure he wasn’t just pulling your leg?” Buck’s mouth twists in a facsimile of amusement. He’s hurt. Eddie has managed to fuck this up already and he’s not sure how.

“No. He-” All the words Eddie couldn’t find before are suddenly spilling out of him like an avalanche, “He had this whole speech ready to convince me. Talked about how it wouldn’t be that different and you’d be family and- he was really passionate about it. Couldn’t get it out fast enough, like he was afraid I’d shoot him down without hearing him out.

“And- Buck I know it’s crazy but he kinda had a point. He was asking for some stability, y’know? You already took care of him when I was shot and when I had that breakdown and you’re always there for him when he can’t come to me and I think what he really wanted was to have some reassurance that- well that you’re his dad, too.”

Now Buck is the one who looks like he’s been hit with a Mack truck. Eddie’s not even sure if he’s comprehending everything Eddie’s saying. 

"Y-You’re asking me to-” Buck stutters over the sentence, eyes flying across Eddie’s face in shock. Eddie longs to reach out, to catch Buck’s shoulder in his hand. He wants to catch Buck’s side with a reassuring pat or just hug him already. He wants to do anything to comfort Buck through this rocking of his life. But Eddie is asking for a lot of him, he doesn’t get to ask for more of Buck.

He doesn’t even get to ask for an answer immediately.

"You don't have to answer now," Eddie assures him, "I know this is a lot. I just- I had to ask if you'd consider it."

He sees Buck’s adams apple bob as he nervously swallows. His best friend nods, but doesn’t say anything. Eddie desperately wants him to say something. But a quiet Buck is a thinking Buck and Eddie can’t derail him now. 

Buck’s brow furrows, his lips go thin, and his eyes continue darting around Eddie’s face and kitchen. Eddie realizes, as he sees Buck’s eyes dart between him and the door that he’s blocking Buck’s way out. Eddie has unintentionally blocked Buck into his home after asking him a huge favor - does marriage count as a favor?- with no warning. A favor that he’s asking on behalf of his son.

Buck has always had a hard time saying no to Christopher. 

Eddie slings his head around to look at the door and then Buck before throwing himself out of the way. Buck jolts, blinking owlishly at the sudden movement.

The startle seems to knock him out of the paralysis. Buck shakes his head a little and then blows out a breathe. 

“I’ll just- uh-,” Buck stumbles his way to the door, away from the curveball Eddie has hurled at him with all the force of Jim Abbott himself. Buck’s stupidly long legs take him out the door in three steps, gone without another word. He takes Eddie’s entire world with him.

--

When Buck comes back only three hours later, he knocks and Eddie thinks that's it. No deal. So when Buck opens with, “I have conditions,” it nearly knocks him off his feet with relief.

“Conditions?”

“Yeah, this may be for Chris but it's also a commitment. We're committing to each other for life. I just-” Buck stumbles, “I have conditions.”

Maybe that should have thrown Eddie, the idea of marrying Buck as committing to each other. It had certainly been a problem with Ana and Marisol. But committing to Buck wasn't the same. It filled his heart with anticipation rather than dread.

“Okay, yeah that sounds reasonable.”

Buck nods, demeanor firm like he still expected a fight.

“You have to go back to therapy,” Buck says, tone resolute. His first and therefore strongest condition. Eddie rankles at the push, but he doesn't really have room to fight it when he's asking so much of Buck.

“Okay,” Eddie watches Buck slump, no longer looking fit to argue, “that- I can do that.”

Buck bites his lip, the flesh going white under the pressure. It's a nervous tick of his, rarely seen.

“I know you don't like it-” Buck hesitates, “I know you just wanna focus on Chris right now but you have to take care of yourself, too. You have to let yourself get better. For all of us.”

Wasn't that just like Buck, making his conditions for marriage about Eddie getting better.

(If Eddie was a little less selfish, he'd call this off here and now and beg Chris for a different way to earn his forgiveness. But there's a selfish part of Eddie that's pleased. Downright joyful that Buck has agreed to join his life with Eddie’s even more than they already had.)

“And the others?” Eddie prods. He needs to know what all he has to do to get Buck to marry him. What all he needs to do to get his son home.

“Others?” Buck’s face scrunches, head tilting like a dog catching a new sound. Hen likes to compare him to a golden retriever and Eddie will never tell Buck how accurate a description it is.

“Your other conditions?”

“Oh,” Buck exclaims, “yeah. It’s actually just the one other condition.”

Alarm shoots through Eddie. Buck is agreeing to marry him on exactly two conditions. His best friend, a man who yearns for a loving partnership is only asking for two things from Eddie to give up even the possibility and one of those conditions has already been for Eddie’s benefit rather than his own. He’s immediately concerned. Buck is doing him an unmatchable favor, and asking for next to nothing.

Buck sucks in a breath before he grins, mischief dancing in his eyes, “you have to be the one to tell Bobby.”

Buck probably means to lighten the mood, but it actually sinks like a dagger into Eddie’s heart. Buck is agreeing to marry Eddie and all he’s asking for in return is Eddie to go to therapy so he’s not a dead weight on them emotionally and to not have to be the one who informs Buck’s pseudo-father about this harebrained scheme.

Sometimes, Eddie really doesn’t feel like he deserves a friend as good as Buck. Someone so dedicated to helping those around him in every way he can. It almost makes Eddie take it all back, to protect Buck from his own kindness. But… Chris asked for this. The whole thing is pitting the needs of the most important people in Eddie’s life against each other.

“Agreed,” he says, “but Buck…”

Eddie catches Buck’s eye, determined to at least give Buck a chance to take an out. He would do anything to get Chris home, but he can’t in good conscience let Buck make the same sacrifices for Eddie’s stupid mistakes.

“You don’t have to do this,” Eddie tries to make it sound genuine. He is genuine, truly. He’s just also distressed at both the idea of Buck doing this for them and not doing it for them.

Buck holds his eye contact. There’s nothing but solidity in his face. He’s a rock, steady under the roaring stream that is Eddie’s life right now, unwavering in his determination.

“Hey, you’re not the only one getting something out of this,” Buck assures him, “I’ve- I’ve always wanted someone who would stick around. If we’re married, you’re stuck with me.”

Buck’s smile twists, that familiar self-deprecation falling over his face. Eddie hates it, hates how Buck thinks he’s not worth sticking around for all on his own. Despises all the people who made Buck wholeheartedly believe no one could love him enough to stay. One day, Eddie would actually meet the Buckley parents and they would meet the full force of Eddie’s disapproval. Bobby’s too, undoubtedly.

Buck continues before Eddie can get any of that out though.

“Besides, I’ve always wanted a family. I can’t think of a better one than you and Chris.”

Well damn, what could Eddie possibly say to that? Besides that Buck was clearly already part of their family. That would have to do.

“You’re already family, Buck. This just makes it legal or whatever,” Eddie feels lame, saying what probably sounds like a platitude but is entirely the truth.

It still makes Buck smile ear to ear. He looks so happy just to be told he’s family. Like he didn’t already know that. Maybe he didn’t.

“You’re sure?” Eddie can’t help but double check. This is too important not to check in.

Buck’s smile softens, tender and sad. His voice is soft as he assures Eddie, “After everything. Y’know, with Abby and Ali. The way Taylor and I broke up- The way Tommy and I broke up? I think- I’ve been trying to build a family when I already had one right here. This just- makes it legal or whatever.”

The tone is teasing at the end, shooting Eddie’s awkward words back at him. Eddie can’t control the grin that overtakes his face because it’s true. They are a family, have been longer than either of them are likely to admit. Buck was acting as Chris’ other parent before he was ever in Eddie’s will. Hell, that was why Eddie even put him in the will to begin with.

“Well then, we’ll make it legal and get our kid to come home.”

Buck lights up. For the first time, Eddie thinks he might be doing the right thing.

--

Eddie lets that feeling carry him all the way to Bobby’s office the next day, where it promptly dissolves like cotton candy under anxious water.

Buck is in the loft with the others, letting Hen regale them with Denny’s latest school antics. They’re pretty mild, to be honest. Denny has two moms who love and support him and don’t have mental breakdowns over things that happened years ago.

There’s that harsh negative self-talk Frank was always going on about.

He’s still going to put that down in the pros list of reasons he should marry Buck. It’s ever growing.

Bobby looks up from his paperwork to greet Eddie with a smile. It’s the fatherly one, because as much as they make fun of Bobby for treating Buck like his kid, Bobby is so naturally paternal that none of them are exempt from his parental treatment. This also means that disappointing Bobby feels like disappointing his own parents. Which usually makes him mad. Eddie tries not to disappoint Bobby.

“Hey Eddie, need something?” Bobby’s face is nothing but open and friendly. Eddie almost wishes it wasn’t so he didn’t have to see how Bobby would react to the buckwild plan he’s trying to tell their captain about.

“Yeah…,” Eddie didn’t plan for this. He should have planned how to do this.

Bobby’s eyebrow crawls up the longer Eddie stalls before just spitting it out. He can feel his breath staggering.

“So, uhm,” Eddie swallows. Bobby is starting to look alarmed as his other eyebrow shoots up his face, “I need some HR paperwork.”

“Okaaay?” Bobby replies, slowly pulling open a drawer on the desk. He looks wary of what Eddie is about to say. Eddie needs to be more confident about this, to get their captain on board lest the man talk Buck out of marrying him.

“Buck and I are getting married,” Eddie consciously injects confidence in his voice. This is the right decision and he can convince Bobby of that. He can.

He can.

Bobby freezes, laser focusing in on Eddie’s face. The drawer with HR paperwork is half open, Bobby’s arm locked in place as he tries to discern something from Eddie’s face.

Eventually Bobby caves, “And Buck isn’t here for this conversation because…?”

Eddie takes a deep breath and sets his shoulders back. He has a narrow window here to convince Bobby that this is a good idea.

“He said he’d only agree to it if I was the one who told you.”

Bobby huffs out a laugh, his left arm pulls the drawer further open. Eddie begins to cheer in his own head.

“I’ll say, I didn’t even know you two were dating,” Bobby spears Eddie with a look, but it’s the fond exasperated dad look, “which we will have to talk about. There should have been other paperwork before this. It’ll take some talking with HR to get it sorted out.”

“Oh we weren’t-” Eddie interjects. He doesn’t want to get them in trouble at work for this. Especially knowing how much their job means to Buck.

Bobby’s arm stops pulling out the paperwork again. His face prompts Eddie to keep going. Maybe Eddie should have just kept his mouth shut. Now he has to explain the whole thing to get his hands on the paperwork they need.

“We weren’t- we aren’t dating?”

The drawer shuts. Damn.

Bobby leans forward onto his desk to stare Eddie down. It’s incredibly effective because suddenly he’s spitting the whole sordid tale out.

“-and really I’m still not sure why Buck actually agreed because it’s not like he’s not already part of our family. I just- please Bobby I need to make sure this doesn’t come back on him professionally which means we really need to go ahead and get the paperwork filed.”

Bobby doesn’t answer Eddie. Rather, he walks out the door to charge up the stairs and yell at Buck, "You agreed to this?"

Buck startles from his place on the couch, head whipping around and eyes going wide. His shoulders hunch down as he replies, "yeah..."

Hen, Chimney, and Ravi turn from their spots to look up at where Bobby is making a scene. There’s a wave of nosy delight washing over their faces that makes Eddie glare at them.

Hen chimes in first, “Agreed to what?”

Bobby doesn’t acknowledge her, quickly approaching Buck with focus. “Marriage? Really?”

Chimney chimes in this time, startled but intrigued, “Who’s getting married!?”

Bobby continues to ignore the room, a hand landing on Buck’s shoulder. There’s a moment of silent communication that Eddie doesn’t understand. Something passes between them that the room isn’t privy to, which is probably why the others turn on Eddie.

Hen waves her hand to draw Eddie’s attention, then starts in, “Are you getting married?”

Chimney cuts in before Eddie can answer though, “Why would Cap be asking Buck about agreeing to it if Eddie was getting married?”

Ravi opens his mouth but Hen is quicker, “Why would Eddie be telling Cap that Buck is getting married?”

Eddie knows he has to force his way in before the two of them spiral, “Because Buck agreed to marry me.”

The others squawk, and he said it too loudly judging by the sound of other shift members shouting from downstairs. Just like that, the entire station is flooding into the loft for a scoop. All of them talking over each other in an absolute cacophony. It’s Ravi who cuts through the noise with a metaphorical bomb of a statement, “You guys are getting remarried?”

Hen and Chim bust into laughter immediately, guffawing so hard it must hurt. Even Buck and Bobby’s attention is drawn away from their quiet conversation by the sheer ridiculousness of Ravi’s assumption to goggle at Ravi. For his part, Ravi looks like a baby deer in headlights. All wide eyes and dropped jaw completely unaware of the chaos he just unleashed. The volume of the room only increases. Eddie’s pretty sure that if the alarm went off they wouldn’t be able to hear it. He’d wanted to keep this relatively quiet among their core friend group, but clearly this has become the business of the entire station faster than can be contained.  

There’s the sound of people demanding to know when they started dating. Someone keeps shouting about winning. More and more people are demanding the details. A call of “B-shift is not gonna believe this!” rattles through Eddie’s ears.

“Okay! Jesus, I-“ Eddie did not want to have this conversation with this many people. He powers through anyway, because he’s not gonna make Buck have to explain for him. “Chris has asked that I- marry Buck since he’s basically been his other dad anyway. And Buck has agreed. To marry me.”

In the wake of the raucous noise, the responding silence is deafening. Everyone is just kind of… staring at him. Not at Buck. Just staring at Eddie. The silence is lasting. Unnerving. Eddie can see some people’s opinions of him shifting in real time.

It’s Bobby who finally speaks up.

“I thought we were all feeling more mentally stable than this, guys.”

Bobby phrases it like it is directed to the entire room but he’s looking directly at Eddie. Whatever whispered conversation he’s had with Buck while the crew got rowdy has at least calmed Bobby down. Not past the point of approval. Just, past the “are you insane?” part of the conversation.

Behind Bobby’s shoulder, Buck is looking at him. Lips folded in and eyes wide with eyebrows raised, he looks concerned and bewildered and panicked and resigned all in one. Eddie has a passing thought that Buck should never have to look like that. Resents himself a little that he’s put it there with his actions.

Buck maintains eye contact with him though. A rock in the storm, as he always is. That’s the thing that makes Eddie think this might just be a good idea. He’s not just marrying anyone, tying himself to any person. He’s making a commitment to Buck. Really, if it was his own idea, it might be the best idea he’d ever had.

Eddie sees Buck nod, so he nods in return. They can do this. More than anything they have each other now. Not that they didn’t have each other before but there’s something more about it now. They’re engaged, technically, and that means something.

Oh shit he needs to get a ring.

Doesn’t he?

He proposed, that usually comes with a ring. Buck deserves a ring. He’s a good guy who deserves all the symbols and the commitment and the effort that comes with being engaged. Eddie is filling the space in Buck’s life for a life partner, he needs to act like it. He can’t force Buck to miss out on everything he could get from an actual marriage.

He knows where he fucked up with Shannon. He can do better for Buck.

Buck has chosen him, chosen to spend his life with Eddie. Not been forced through a shotgun wedding that neither of them have a say in. Eddie’s been chosen and he’s going to choose Buck in return.

The room’s focus has shifted, not eluding him but certainly not forming a vortex around him.

There are a whole host of whispers going through the entire crew. Bobby is corralling them back to work with only mild success. Eddie ignores the cat calls when he makes his way around Bobby to slide in beside Buck where he sits on the couch. He looms over the other man’s shoulder, forming a wall between Buck and the rowdier members of the crew that are still peppering him with questions.

They see Buck as the weak link, when it comes to badgering out information. Mostly because the wider crew doesn’t know him like their friends do. Buck was much better at keeping information out of sight and out of mind than Eddie was. No one had known about hardly any of Buck’s past or about his parents until they showed up in town.

They’d get nothing of substance out of Buck. That didn’t mean Eddie was going to let them try.

Eddie formed a wall between Buck and the stairs, cutting off the line of sight of most of the crew. He let his own stone face deter them from approaching. Eddie could mean mug with the best of them and he knew how to use it. Buck’s shoulder bumped his side, letting him know that Buck was with him. It was familiar, this certainty that Buck had his back. He’d rarely ever doubted that Buck had his back since they met. Especially in the midst of Eddie’s messes. He had Buck’s back just the same.

As Bobby put his foot down and sent everyone back to their chores, Eddie swore to himself this was going to be an extension of that same promise. When Bobby beckoned Buck and himself to his office to fill out the HR paperwork, he solidified with himself. He had Buck’s back, no matter what.

(Just like Shannon had begged him to have her back. He couldn’t do that anymore, not for her. He had to be a better husband this time.)

Chapter Text

In his effort to give Buck some semblance of the marriage he deserves, he makes the mistake of asking his friends for advice. 

It’s his own fault, really, for not considering just how much teasing that would induce. 

“Dude, you haven’t even asked Maddie for her blessing,” Chim starts in, “I can’t help you when you’re still dodging his protective big sister who just happens to be my wife!”

Truthfully, Eddie hadn’t even considered asking Maddie for permission. He’d asked Shannon’s father for his blessing at his own parents’ insistence. Both Shannon and her father had been less than pleased at the move, for very different reasons. Buck wasn’t Shannon, though. Would he appreciate his sister’s blessing?

It’s a ridiculous thought. Buck is a grown man who doesn’t need his sister to approve of his choices. Taylor had certainly been a display of that. Maddie had barely tolerated the woman, and then only because Maddie had been gone for much of their relationship. She still hadn’t interfered. 

Then again, they’d all known Taylor wouldn’t last. Buck couldn’t trust her not to take anything he told her and spin it into a Top Story. They’d both been career driven in a way that made sense on paper until those careers clashed. Eddie had known that as soon as the Chief pulled Buck aside to interrogate him about his relationship with Taylor, it was over. 

There was no world in which Buck ultimately stayed with someone who put his career in danger. 

Or his relationship with his sister in danger. Oh man, he was gonna have to talk to Maddie. 

A problem for later. For now, he needs to plan a wedding. 

“Buck is a grown man, Chim. He doesn’t need his sister’s permission to get married,” Hen chimes in, finally looking up from her book. She’s right. She always is. So he shouldn’t ask for Maddie’s permission, but what about her blessing? Is that different? God, he’s so out of his depth. 

“Normally I would agree but it’s Buck and Maddie,” Chim shoots back. Another valid point. 

“He didn’t need her permission to date Taylor,” Eddie tries to put his reasoning forward, better to talk it out with Hen and Chimney than go to Maddie and say the wrong thing. He may not need her permission but he knows if anyone could halt this whole plan in its tracks it would be Maddie.

“No, but he wasn’t trying to marry Taylor,” Chim points out. 

“Yeah, we all knew that wouldn’t last,” Hen helpfully adds, going back to her book, “they were never gonna make it that far before they realized they couldn’t settle for each other.”

Eddie huffs, knowing it’s true. They’d all seen the end of that train wreck coming. 

“Whatever,” Eddie diverts, trying to get them back on track, “you can still help me figure out who to invite!”

Chim splays his hands wide, incredulousness overtaking his face, “I have to remain a neutral party here, I can’t help you.”

Hen rolls her eyes and finally puts her book down, a finger holding her place like this won’t take long.

“You invite us, Bobby, his sister and our families. There, Buck’s side is done,” Hen eyes him like he’s the one being dramatic. Maybe he is. 

“But does family include his parents? Should I even be inviting his side? I just-” Eddie stumbles, “he deserves to have the people he wants there. I don’t want him to regret this.”

Hen softens, the way she always does when any of them are panicking over relationships. She’s a kind person, especially with her family and he admires that about her. Counts himself lucky to be her family. 

“Eddie, if there’s one thing I do know in all this mess, it’s that Buck won’t regret this,” Hen reaches forward to put her hand over his. Comforting him with a surety Eddie desperately needs. “If you’re really worried about who to invite for Buck, you should ask Buck about it.”

“I mean, that would answer your questions,” Chimney interjects, unable to keep himself from sharing his opinion. Eddie hadn't thought the “neutral” position would break that fast, but maybe Chim was just giving into his sympathy. 

“I guess,” Eddie acquiesces, “but that doesn’t solve it all! Am I supposed to book a place for a reception? Or do I suggest just going to a bar after? Are we even supposed to have a reception? I don’t want Buck to miss out just because he agreed to marry me. Where am I supposed to get a ring this fast?”

“Woah woah woah, alright cowboy. Slow down.” Hen cuts him off with a lightly stern look, “A reception sounds like something else you should talk to Buck about. It’s his wedding, too.”

“But I asked him to do this for me. I shouldn’t ask him to plan it, too,” Eddie replies weakly. It’s true. Buck is marrying him as a favor, he shouldn’t have to do more than show up in Eddie’s opinion. 

Chimney scoffs, “Are you kidding me? You’ve seen Buck with a clipboard, right? He’d love to help plan.”

Hen laughs as she adds, “Getting to be a groomzilla would probably be a highlight of this whole thing.”

He hadn’t thought of that. Eddie’s been so focused on what he should do that he hadn’t considered Buck might enjoy planning. The man had gone all out for Chimney’s bachelor party. 

Eddie only vaguely remembered the planning of his wedding to Shannon. It’d been a flurry of their mother’s making decision after decision while judging him for any input he had. Eventually he had just given up and let them decide everything. Shannon had told him after that they did the same to her. In the end, they’d been little more than Barbie dolls for their mothers to dress up and place at the altar. 

Buck liked planning though. He enjoyed making everything perfect for an event. He and Athena were downright dangerous when they colluded to plan an event. They didn’t leave anything up to chance.

There was an idea.

“Maybe I should ask Athena.”

Chimney and Hen whipped around to stare at him with twin looks of disbelief. 

“Oh bud, I don’t think that’s going to end in the lowkey wedding you’re hoping for,” Chimney objects. Hen quickly takes up the cause, “Yeah, she didn’t get to plan her second wedding because they just went to the courthouse. Do you realize how many plans she still has from when she and Bobby were engaged?”

Eddie grimaced. Much as he did want to give Buck all the bells and whistles around a marriage that the other man could ever want, he also desperately wanted to rush to the courthouse so Chris would come home. 

He settled on, “I’ll talk to Buck about it.” 

That just left one thing. 

“I still need to find a ring, though.”

–

“I can’t just get him a plain band, Chim!” Eddie is trying not to raise his voice above an aggressive whisper but Chimney is making it difficult, “What’s that say about how much effort I’m putting into this if I just get him a plain old ring and be done with it?”

Hen and Chimney both look at him skeptically. He doesn’t know why though. Surely they don’t believe he’s the kind of guy to just pick whatever with no consideration.

Hen’s tone is cautious as she replies, “Well, you are marrying him so your kid will come back. Not because you’re epically in love and can’t live without him or anything… Right?”

Eddie doesn’t appreciate her tone. It sounds like she’s fishing for something. 

“Yeah, but he’s still my best friend! He’s important and he deserves a ring I put some actual thought into,” He can’t tell what’s not clicking. It may not be a traditional marriage but Buck doesn’t mean any less to him just because they’re not going to be having sex. 

Hell, his marriage to Shannon didn’t cease to mean anything when they stopped sleeping together. They didn’t even speak for two years and Shannon still never became less than important to him. He had a whole breakdown about it not too long ago! 

Granted, only he and Buck really knew the details of the Kim situation. It wasn’t anyone else’s business. The others only know in vague terms that Chris had been upset about the way Eddie and Marisol broke up. That his son had been so mad he was still stewing in Texas with his grandparents. He doesn’t need any of them looking at him knowing just how far he’d fallen down the rabbit hole with his dead wife’s doppelganger. 

Not having sex with each other might actually make marriage with Buck much healthier than his marriage to Shannon. At least they’d be forced to talk things out instead of defaulting to physical intimacy.

Either way, this would be different. Eddie is going to make sure of it. So, he has to put thought into how he wants to start this new aspect of their relationship. He has to be mindful that Buck doesn’t get pushed to the wayside just because this is for Christopher. 

He’s going to start with the ring. The thing has to show he cares. Shannon had taken one look at the pitiful ring he’d bought with the meager savings of a 19-year-old and grimaced through her smile all those years ago. She’d never worn it again after he got back from his second tour, if not before. Buck’s ring needs to be something he can cherish. 

While he broods, Hen and Chim have an entire conversation with just their facial expressions. Eddie can feel himself scowl at being excluded but can’t truly begrudge them when he and Buck do the same thing constantly. Eyebrows are flying around foreheads and lips are twisting this way and that. A dance of expressions between friends that eventually ends in some kind of decision. 

They turn their attention back to him in sync. It’s a little unnerving, the way they can mirror each other’s expressions so well. 

“We’ve decided to help you,” Chimney says, apparently speaking of both of them, “even though we know we shouldn’t endorse this.”

“Well, good, because I don’t need your endorsement. I just need jewelry opinions.” Eddie graciously does not huff at them. Really, he needs to do this for his family. They aren’t going to be able to talk him out of the one thing his son has asked him for. 

“Exactly,” Hen says knowingly, eyes widening at Chimney as if saying 'I told you' even though she hadn’t said anything at all, much less that. Chimney sighs but Hen ignores him to forge ahead, “So because we’re your friends and we love you, we’re going to at least make sure you do it right.”

“Well, good,” Eddie feels wrong footed even though he’s gotten exactly what he wants. Or at least, what he asked for. 

This whole ordeal has been a little too much of Eddie getting what he asks for. It puts him on edge, waiting for the other shoe to land. Bracing for every phone call, that it might be the one where Buck has come to his senses and realized that Eddie is far from his only option. Waiting for Buck to understand that he’s infinitely loveable and tying himself down to Eddie is so unnecessary as to be absurd. Eddie’s holding his breath every moment that Buck doesn’t decide that letting Eddie marry him is a mistake. 

He hasn’t yet. Eddie hopes he can do enough, be a good enough husband this time, that Buck never decides he’s made a mistake.

Eddie spins to the jewelry case, more determined than ever to pick just the right ring. 

“I can’t just get him something plain,” Eddie reasserts, “I want him to know I put some real thought into this.”

Chimney offers his opinion first, “I get that, but Buck isn’t much of a jewelry person from what I’ve seen. So something elaborate will seem like it’s more for show than for him.”

Eddie whips his head up to look at Chimney, a question apparently clear in his eyes.

“I had to think about Maddie, when I was picking something,” Chimney sweeps his hand across the selection of men’s rings, “she’s not showy, you know? Neither of them are. Maddie left everything but a suitcase when she ran from Doug. She didn’t exactly care about her jewelry enough to pack any of it. Buck lived out of a duffle bag for years. They’re practical people, our Buckleys.”

Hen raises her eyebrows at the idea of Buck being practical but Eddie’s tripping over the phrase “our Buckleys” too hard to laugh.

“You know what I mean,” Chimney hisses out at Hen, “They aren’t exactly attached to possessions. You can’t just get something fancy, you have to get something that fits, both physically and metaphorically.”

“Agreed,” Hen joins, apparently in on the simple wedding band campaign, “But just because it’s simple, doesn’t mean you can’t personalize it. They do engravings right? Have them write something meaningful on the inside or something.”

They’re right and Eddie knows when he’s beat. Rather than dignify them with an acknowledgement of his defeat, Eddie turns to the saleswoman and asks about engravings. 

–

Eddie returns home with a ring burning a hole in his pocket. 

He’s not sure if he should hide it. Usually the first ring is exchanged when you ask someone to marry you, but they’ve already done that. Buck has said ‘yes’ and Eddie still needs something to give him at the wedding. 

He contemplates getting them both a pair of the silicone rings for work as he tucks the silver band away in his sock drawer. Practical, that’s what Chim had pointed out. Eddie could be practical with his gifts. It’s not like that was new information. He’d just been caught up in proving himself against his failure of a first marriage.

He has another call with Christopher tonight. Buck is supposed to come over so they can tell Chris they are willing to do what he’s asked of them together. 

Eddie walks back to his kitchen and thinks here’s where I start. He can make dinner for both of them. He might not wow Buck with his culinary skills but he can still take care of his... fiancé. 

He’s most of the way through a chicken parmesan when Buck walks through the door with grocery bags in hand. The bags spill over with their necessities, items Eddie had let run low living alone, and Chris’ favorite foods. It takes several deep breaths to keep Eddie from crying at the clear display of Buck’s attentiveness. 

Marrying his best friend may be the best dumb decision he’s ever made. With Buck by his side, he’ll never be alone in anything. 

“I noticed you were low on some stuff last time I was here, so I made a grocery run after I talked to Maddie,” Buck glances up from where he’s juggling bags to flash a blinding grin Eddie’s way, “she’s on board, by the way. Well…”

Buck shifts then, clearly holding something back. It’s the same hesitant puppy look he gets when he’s nervous to tell someone something. Eddie braces for impact.

“I talked her around,” Buck finally spits out, “not that she had a problem with you she just- you know how worried she gets and she was just concerned I hadn’t thought it over.”

That bright smile is back, warming Eddie with all the power of the sun. He felt safe, under that smile. Like he was sitting on the back porch under a cloudless day, watching Buck and Chris enthusiastically plan out their next zoo visit on a map sprawled across the wooden porch. The most important people next to him, laughing as they discussed what time the elephants would be at the waterfall. 

Forever. Eddie had managed to stumble into having that for the rest of their lives. He can only consider himself a lucky bastard. 

They set up in the living room with their dinner and Eddie’s laptop. Some new documentary about volcanoes Buck has been waiting for on Curiosity (a streaming service that exactly zero of their friends also have because only Eddie has been lucky enough to have Buck convince his kid that documentaries are fascinating) playing as they wait for Chris to call before bed. 

Chris has impeccable timing, because the volcano had just erupted when Eddie gets the text saying he’s ready. Buck doesn’t even hesitate to pause the video, minimizing the window and pulling up Facetime. They squeeze in together to make sure they’re both in frame before dialing. 

Buck waves delightedly when Christopher’s face appears on the laptop screen. Chris actually perks up, the moody expression he always sports these days dropping away in favor of waving back. Eddie has a moment to think Evan Buckley might be a miracle worker. 

Except then Chris’ face is going blank, squinting at his screen. He looks… suspicious?

“Hey, buddy,” Buck opens for them, “it’s really good to see you.”

“Hey Buck.” The reticence is normal now, a combination of their tumultuous year and surging hormones changing their bundle of irrepressible childhood joy into a moody teen. It makes the flashes of exuberance all the brighter. 

“Chris-,” Eddie starts but can get no further. 

Buck picks up when Eddie falters, the way he always does.

“We wanted to talk about what you told your dad last time,” Buck’s hand settles on Eddie’s knee out of frame. Eddie doesn’t startle, too used to Buck and himself being in each other’s space. 

Christopher still looks reluctant, wary of what they are going to say.

“We’ve decided that if this would help you feel ready to come home,” Eddie presses closer, letting the heat of Buck’s body shore him up, “we’re willing to make it happen.”

Chris’ jaw drops and Eddie feels instantly guilty that his son is shocked to be listened to. He’d sworn to himself he would never be like his own parents, but here they are. Eddie should have known he was failing when Chris decided that sneaking out of Science Club would be better than just telling his dad that he wanted a little independence. Eddie has to do better. At least he’s already scheduled an appointment with Frank.

“Buck-” Christopher’s jaw works, reminding Eddie so much of himself when he’s trying to solve a complicated problem, “Why? Why are you agreeing to this?”

Unexpectedly, Buck just smiles at Chris. His face is all soft curves and parental affection. 

"I love you both so much, and if this is what you need to feel sure I'll always be there for you, then I have no problems doing it. Besides, anything I need from dating someone, you and your dad already give me. I’d be happy just to be your family forever." Buck says, as easy as breathing. Like this is no hardship for him. As if Buck has never made an easier decision in his life.

Eddie feels his heart thump hard in his chest. He loves his friends, he’s not too proud to admit that, but there’s a special place in his heart for Buck. 

Even through the laptop screen, Christopher’s eyes look shiny with tears. Eddie hopes they’re tears of happiness and not just relief, but the shitty tablet camera Chris is wielding can only capture so much of his son’s visage. Eddie longs to tuck Chris under his arm, run his fingers through his son’s curls, and tell him everything will be okay. 

“Dad?” Chris’ voice jars him out of his thoughts, “You’re sure?”

“Yeah kiddo, I’m sure. I know it seems crazy, but we all know you have the best ideas.” 

Buck uses his hand on Eddie’s knee to wiggle Eddie’s leg, shaking out some of the tension in Eddie’s body for him. Between that and the way Buck is still pressed against his side, Eddie feels warm all over. 

Chris still looks unsure. Eddie guesses that he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, the way Eddie always did when talking to his own parents. There was never a win with Helena and Ramon without strings attached. Eddie never wanted to make his kid feel that way. 

“There is one question, would you like to fly back for the wedding?” Eddie can’t tell if Chris tenses, but he knows he would be in his place, “It’s not a requirement I just want to give you the option because I-” Buck shifts beside him and he knows exactly what is being communicated, “we would love to have you there.”

Chris nods without a word, still so unusually quiet. He’s thinking hard, trying to find the loophole if Eddie had to guess. 

“Thanks, buddy,” Buck leans forward, face taking up the screen in the little corner, “it really wouldn’t be the same without you.” 

Chris musters up a smile for that. Buck’s enthusiasm has always been especially infectious between the two of them, feeding into a loop of joy as Chris’ own delight bolsters Buck’s enthusiasm higher. He couldn’t wait to hear their laughter fill the house again. 

“We’ll talk to Abuelos about bringing you up, okay?” Chris nods a little harder this time. 

When it’s just Eddie and Chris, this is usually the point at which they lapse into stilted quiet. Luckily, Buck doesn’t really do stilted quiet. 

“So, tell me all about this trip to the lake.” 

Chris takes the out, launching into an anecdote about how his cousin had thrown himself so far on the rope swing that he landed partially onto the tía’s water pad. His description of them coming out of the water dripping wet and furious was vivid. Eddie took a moment to think about Ana once saying Chris could be the next great American novelist and thinks that while her sentiments hadn’t been all there, maybe she had actually seen potential when she chose the career to throw out. 

They spend another 30 minutes listening to all of the antics Chris got up to at the lake. They work together to tease Buck for being an unsweet tea heretic, their first collaborative teasing in months. There’s a little vindication as Chris complains about his grandmother babying him. Wrapping up the call feels the lightest it has all summer, with Chris coming home and Buck pressed against his side. 

–

The feeling actually doesn’t die after, when Chris has hung up for bedtime and Buck doesn’t move away. 

“I guess we should talk about logistics,” Eddie starts, “I kinda figured. Well I guess the courthouse when Chris gets here. If there’s anyone you wanna invite?”

Buck nods, “my sister, obviously. And I thought maybe the 118 could come? Since they know anyway.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, “that sounds good.”

“Um... So I-I figured we could apply for a license on our day off tomorrow and see if we can get it expedited.” Buck’s head dips in that bashful way he does, like he’s embarrassed to have been researching California marriage licenses. It’s heart wrenching sometimes, how Buck can look so shy about being helpful.

“Yeah, sounds good. Thanks for looking into it.” Eddie does his best to convey how much he means it. Buck’s face lights up a little in return. It warms Eddie’s heart like a feedback loop. Buck’s joy feeding into his own then back into Buck’s in their own little perpetual engine. 

Time to take a shot, “I-uh-I got you a ring? If that’s something you want.” Eddie isn’t expecting the way Buck’s face lights up further with amusement.

His smile gets cheeky, pulling up into a smirk. He’s somewhere in the land of teasing when he says, “It’s probably good that Maddie and I went ring shopping this afternoon, then.”

Okay, they get teased about mind-melding or drift compatibility but this was ridiculous. 

Eddie is laughing. Buck is giggling along. They’re falling into each other’s side, overlapping shoulders and elbows. Eddie had been so stressed earlier, talking to Hen and Chimney about wedding planning. Here, with Buck, it's as easy as breathing. Tension turning into jelly without any concentrated meditation.

“Guess that just leaves a reception, if we’re doing that?”

Buck grins at him, pleased as peaches. Buck is still giggling when he replies, “Ice cream. That’s how we always celebrate the wins, right? Call it family tradition.”

Eddie loves his friends, but Buck has a special place in his heart.

--

One last shift, a measly 12 hours and a night's rest between Eddie and his son. He'd expected it to be routine, because he was an optimist like that.

Curses aren't real, dammit.

Yet, he still ends up cornered by Daniels, Smith, Ortiz, and Portch by the engine about 3 hours in. They're looking at him like he holds the secrets of the universe and it's only mildly unnerving. Hen is hovering in the background, a critical eye on the proceedings. Ideal, he was sure, for both stopping situations getting out of control and overhearing any gossip.

"Hey man, we didn't wanna jump you or anything but we-" Daniels starts but Portch cannot contain himself.

"Are you really marrying Buckley?"

Eddie lets himself sigh. He's been expecting an inquisition, but he'd also been expecting Hen to lead it rather than monitor the situation. 

"Yes, I am. No, we weren't secretly dating. Yes, it is actually just because my kid asked me to. Any other questions?" He tries not to sound too annoyed. They did spring this on the crew, not that they'd been planning to, but he couldn't blame Cap for needing confirmation. Eddie had just announced he was marrying the man's pseudo-son with no warning. 

Oh man, should he have asked for Bobby's permission? No, no going back down that road again.

Cap would forgive him, he was sure. Maddie... he was still a little worried about that one.

The crew's baffled questions were much better than facing that woman's wrath. Even if the stares were getting more incredulous by the second.

"We just- you know man, we thought you were the normal one." Ortiz says it like that's just a normal known fact about Eddie Diaz. You know, Eddie? The normal one? Yeah, him.

It's Eddie's turn to stare in incredulity. 

"The normal one?"

Daniels nods his head and says, "Yeah! You know Buckley and Chimney are the disaster magnets. Hen is some kind of super genius or whatever. Cap has the whole tortured past thing going on. And you're- the normal one."

Eddie feels concussed. Surely he's hit his head on something and landed himself in a coma.

"I went down in a helicopter crash before being shot three times in the army?"

"Yeah and still somehow the normal one. Or we thought you were until you came in here the other day saying you were marrying Buckley just cause your kid asked you to. You're sure you two weren't dating?"

"No- no we weren't dating- the normal one?"

He can see Hen laughing behind Daniels' shoulder. She's clutching her side with one arm and her other hand slapped across her mouth to keep her laughter contained. Eddie takes back what he said about her being kind. Kind people didn't revel in their friend's suffering. 

"Well, you've never had rebar through your head or been tortured or like been blown up, had an embolism, and got caught in a tsunami all in like six months. You've also never stuck your hand in a patient's chest mid call so Hen's got you beat there. And Cap, well-"

Eddie wonders if this is what smoking marijuana feels like, to float outside your body and woozily watch the world go by. 

"I got shot by a sniper in the middle of a call we weren't even assigned to?"

Smith looks a little ashamed at the reminder. Doesn't stop him from adding, "yeah, but Cap also got shot by the guy so it wasn't like... Crazy by Buck or Chimney standards, y'know? That's just regular A-shift bad luck rubbing off on you."

Eddie's not even going to mention the well. Won’t draw attention to the time he was almost buried alive. He doesn't want to hear whatever answer they come up with. He doesn't want to hear them dismiss that, too. Like it wasn't a defining moment of his life.

“What’s happening?”

Thank god for Bobby Nash. The man has fantastic timing. 

The others don’t scatter so much as quickly find other stuff they need to be doing. Calling out for mop buckets and taking over washing the truck until Eddie is standing with empty hands in front of his captain. Bobby’s looking at them all critically, eyes falling to Eddie. 

“You good, Eddie?” Cap leans in to put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. It’s grounding, exactly what Eddie needs after that nightmare of a conversation. 

“Yeah, yeah, I just-”

He isn’t sure how to explain the weird, kinda invalidating conversation he just had with people that he’d considered vaguely friends. Mentally, he's actively bumping them down to friendly acquaintances at best.

“They called me the normal one?” Eddie’s not sure what he’s hoping to get out of telling Bobby. The bewildered face Bobby makes at him is a pretty good reward for opening up though. The following face journey as Bobby tries to decide how best to reply is also pretty good. 

“Well, that’s- you- not to say that you’re not-” Bobby so rarely flounders, but it’s usually pretty fun to watch. 

“It’s fine, probably, just a little,” Eddie doesn’t want to say hurtful, but it was. He’d always striven to put on a brave face, not to let any of his issues follow him to work. Sometimes he failed, cried all over Bobby once or twice, but he contained his problems to the best of his abilities. He settles for, “it caught me off guard.”

“I can see that,” Bobby’s hand shakes his shoulder a little in reassurance, “but they don’t know much if they couldn’t see that you being best friends with Buck meant there was no way you were the normal one. We all know that’s Ravi.”

Eddie barks out a laugh, drawing stares from the group still washing the truck in self-imposed repentance. Bobby’s teasing is a reminder that even if some of the people in the outer rings of his life may not know him, he has people like Bobby. Friends that know him and what a mess his head is. Friends that love him anyway. 

“That’s why he’s splits with B-shift. Otherwise we would infect him.” He cheerily tells Bobby, willing to let go and enjoy his favorite people instead.

Bobby grins, “Since you’re not washing the truck anymore, why don’t you head up and bother Buck?”

Eddie glances at the group ducking their heads to wash the truck and then back at his Captain. He hears Hen laugh as Chimney’s voice raises in indignation. Eddie has people he loves, people who love him in return. So what if some near strangers don’t see his life for what it is?

“Sounds good, Cap.”

--

27 hours later, Eddie and Buck are standing in the airport receiving area waiting for Chris and Eddie’s parents to walk past the security doors. 

Chris comes charging out first, crutches moving fast as people dodge out of his way. His backpack is nowhere in sight, probably his mother is carrying it. The kid seems to have lost Eddie’s parents in his rush. It takes every shred of self control Eddie has ever scraped together with bloody knuckles to keep himself from launching forward to scoop up his son. 

Thank god. Thank god. Christopher launches himself into Eddie’s arms instead. 

For the first time since May, Eddie is clutching his son in his arms. He might never let go. Eddie can rearrange his entire life so that he never has to let his son go. Sadly, his teenager didn’t even want Eddie to come with him to hang out at the park so he surely wouldn’t stand for it.

He only lets his son go to pass him into Buck’s arms.

Eddie has a strange moment of surreality when his parents approach. The weirdest thing is… they don’t seem upset. Hesitant, maybe? It’s been so long since he knew his parents well enough to read their mood. Adriana had always been better at it anyway.

Buck has Christopher’s head tucked under his chin, but he’s watching Eddie and his parents carefully. It’s as good a time as any, he guesses, to finally let his parents have their chance to scold him. Better now than at the courthouse or after. 

“Why don’t you two go get the luggage?” Eddie makes a face at Buck that it’s okay.

Buck’s eyes cut to Ramon and Helena. If anyone knows complicated parents, it’s Eddie’s best friend. Buck also knows when to let Eddie handle things himself though, so he herds Chris over to the baggage claim anyway.

“Mom, Papi,” Eddie braces himself for the inevitable admonishments. 

“Eddie, it’s good to see you,” his mom starts softly. That’s how Eddie knows this one is gonna hurt. They only ever start gentle when they know it’s going to be an especially hard conversation. 

“Look, can we just… Not?” He already feels exhausted. 

"You have to talk to us, Edmundo,” his father joins in. Great, the united front has already begun.

"Why? So I can hear again how I'm not worthy of being a father? So I can hear about how even after all this time you'd rather take my kid from me than help me?" Eddie doesn’t mean to snap, but if they’re going to have this conversation, here in public, he’s going to get to the point. Rip the bandaid off. 

His mother looks immediately shaken.

Good Eddie thinks I shouldn't be the only one that has to deal with this.

"I thought we were doing better. I thought you cared. Thought I could trust you."

He can't even look at her anymore. His mother, a woman he'd really believed cared about him and not just the way she could dictate his life. What a fool he was, to believe Helena Diaz could ever trust him enough to help him rather than take over.

His father clears his throat.

"Son..." He sounds lost, unused to actually dealing with any of his children. He is a man that has always let his wife control the family while he went out into the world to work. An ideal nuclear family, straight out of the 50s. Except that family was flawed and broken and brought up sons who couldn't be trusted with their own children, apparently.

Eddie can see his mother's mouth open in his peripherals but he doesn't want to hear it. 

"I don't want you talking to Christopher without supervision anymore."

Her mouth clicks closed. Eddie powers through his brief advantage.

"I can't trust that you won't help him run away again if things get hard. I'm going to work things out with Chris, like we should have to begin with. But you can't be a part of that, since clearly you'll just help him hurt me when he's mad."

Eddie squares his jaw and looks them head on. He needs them to know he's serious. Eddie is going to fix things and he is not going to let them put up any more roadblocks. He can't run from them, like he did after Shannon left. This time he has to make them listen or cut them off. Buck says it's about boundaries. They should probably be one of the first things he talks with Frank about, after the whole Kim thing. 

It's his father who finally responds, "We understand."

Quite frankly, that knocks the wind out of Eddie's sails. He's been ready for a fight. Not agreement. 

He must look as bowled over as he feels because his mother finally joins the conversation. 

"We had a... Similar conversation with Adriana last month," She admits, entire face is a little sour like she'd bitten into an orange and to her displeasure, found it to be a lemon, "She also decided we wouldn't talk to her children alone. Said that if we could take Chris then we might-"

The sour expression shifts and suddenly Eddie realizes might not have been displeasure after all. His mom looks like she's trying not to cry. 

Ramon takes over. Ever a team, his parents. 

"Sofia just threatened to charge us with kidnapping," he chuckles darkly, "Son, I know we haven't always- we haven't been fair to you. You hardly ever complained so we- it's not right. We know that. Your mother and I want to do better by you."

"We're sorry," Helena finishes off. 

Eddie feels like he might be in the twilight zone. He's definitely having an out of body experience. If the news suddenly started running a story about body snatchers, he'd believe them.

It's about this time, while Eddie is floating in a liminal space where his parents are actually apologizing to him, that Buck and Chris return from baggage claim. Chris with his backpack secured to himself and the roller luggage trailing behind Buck.

Buck isn’t hiding the way he looks at Eddie for his cues. Too bad Eddie has no idea what's happening anymore, much less what cues to give Buck. 

His mother takes up the baton instead, her hand landing in Chris' curls as she fondly says, "Christopher here spent all summer complaining that we always take over, instead of letting him do things for himself. It was- you never complained but I realized it was the same thing I'd done to you." 

Chris tilts his head sideways- God he got taller. He's level with his grandmother now and Eddie missed so much again- an incredulous look on his face. 

"Which is why," Helena continues, glancing at Ramon and taking his hand, "if this is what you want. We're here to support you. Not take over."

Now Chris is also looking at Helena and Ramon like they've been body snatched. Or like he wants to check they haven't been replaced with doppelgangers on the flight over. Sad, that even his 14-year-old is surprised at their support. 

Over Chris' shoulder, Buck is beaming at Eddie. 

Eddie remembers his suspicion of a coma dream, it’s feeling more likely now. 

“Well, then,” Eddie coughs, tries to dislodge the dizzy feeling, “I guess we should head to the courthouse?”

Helena coughs, pointedly looks at Christopher’s travel clothes.

“We can stop to change on the way,” Buck interjects, “right?”

Eddie beams back at him and nods.

Chapter Text

They pull up at the courthouse an hour before closing, when the place is fairly empty. Buck fusses with Eddie’s button up a little after they get out of the car, using his big warm hands to smooth the wrinkles from Eddie’s sides. Eddie uses the proximity to press the lapels of Buck’s blazer back into place before they both turn their fussing onto Chris. Buck smooths out their kid's hair while Eddie makes sure his pant legs aren’t riding too high up his ankles from his latest growth spurt. 

All together, they’ve accidentally coordinated colors. All white and blues, though how much of that is the limited color range of most men’s dress clothes is questionable, the cohesive palette makes them look like a family. Eddie muses that really, they are a family. In less than an hour it will even be legal. 

“Alright, we ready?” Buck claps his hand gently on Christopher’s shoulder. Chris is still looking at them suspiciously, probably trying to figure out if he’s being duped. The kid nods anyway, curls bouncing in the sunlight. 

Maddie and Bobby wait for them on the steps. Eddie’s parents step out of the car behind them. This will be the entire contingent for their signing of the marriage license. They hadn’t wanted to cause a problem by overcrowding the office with their loved ones, so everyone else is waiting to gather at Marco’s Ice Cream parlor for the reception. 

When they get to the stairs, Maddie drags Buck down into a strong, lasting hug. Bobby claps his hand on Eddie’s back, nods to Eddie’s parents, and then zeroes in on Chris. Eddie may have been the one most directly affected by his son’s absence, but he is far from the only one that missed Christopher. Bobby restrains himself to plopping a hand in Christopher’s fluffy hair and a heartfelt, “We missed you here, kid.” 

Chris looks a little startled, like he hadn’t considered that anyone other than his dad would really feel his absence. Dr. Lin had once discussed with Eddie that Chris suffered from some abandonment issues after a childhood of parents swapping who was gone. Eddie’s own limited ability to contact them from in country and then Shannon, his primary caregiver up to that point, leaving with no contact whatsoever had left Chris with the kind of issues that would probably never go away. Dr. Lin had been hoping that Eddie, as Chris’ father, could help mitigate the lasting effects.

Eddie thought they’d been doing better. His own constant reassurance that he wouldn’t go anywhere if he could help it and Buck’s steady presence in their lives giving Chris as much stability as they could manage. The surprise in Chris’ face told Eddie they have work to do. 

Behind Eddie, Maddie is whispering to Buck. She’s probably offering to run away from the altar with him. He knows, because Buck is his best friend and they’ve had too many late night talks about the things they would never tell another soul, that Buck had given her the same talk at both her weddings. One time more serious than the other. 

He won’t blame Buck if he does. Despite the reassurances that Buck is doing this for himself as much as them, Eddie still doesn’t believe Buck needs this the way Eddie does. The way Chris does. If Buck decides this isn’t something he can actually do, Eddie will understand. 

Buck says something to his sister with a laugh but makes her face go thoughtful. He thinks that’s her thoughtful face, at least. Eddie hasn’t ever spent much time with his soon to be sister-in-law. Maddie is important to Buck. By transitive property, Maddie is important to Eddie. 

(Well, she was before because Maddie is his best friend’s sister but not in a way that meant Eddie needed to know her more than passively. They were friendly at the big “fire family” get-togethers, but outside of Buck they ran in pretty different circles.)

Buck pulls away from Maddie with a smile, drifting back to Chris like he’s gravity drawing Buck in. Chris looks less surprised when Buck fusses over him, asking if his suit is itchy or if Chris needs to go to the bathroom before they go up. 

It’s probably a dad move, but he decides the bathroom is a good idea for all of them. 

The bathroom also gives Eddie a moment to catch Buck one last time. He just… he needs to check that Buck isn’t regretting this. 

“Hey, Buck,” Eddie catches Buck’s arm while the others go ahead into the bathroom, “I just want to-”

Eddie trails off, looking into Buck’s eyes. His expression is open and clear, no regret or anxiety. He can’t rely on just knowing this though, he needs to be sure.

"I'm worried about tying you down,” Eddie finally spits out.

Buck blinks back, momentarily startled. He sucks in a breath, Eddie watching the feeling settle in Buck’s shoulders. 

"When I finished my probationary year, I didn't have a shield ceremony," Buck begins. At Eddie's questioning look, he just shrugs and powers on, "no one to invite. I spent seven years after I left my parents house not tied down to anything, just… floating."

Buck takes another deep breath, intense blue eyes locking with Eddie's. 

"Freedom was pretty lonely. I don't think there's anything I hated more. So,” Buck pauses, putting weight on his next words, “don't worry about tying me down like it’s a bad thing.”

--

There is no line when they get there. They’re just in time for their appointment, scheduled last minute in a cancellation slot. Buck’s friend of a friend helping them get in quicker than most are able to nowadays. Eddie still isn’t sure how Bobby and Athena were able to get married so quickly now that he’s been through the process of getting married in Los Angeles. 

Still, they’ve made it to the metaphorical altar as fast as possible. Chris stands with Eddie as his best man. Maddie is at Buck’s elbow as his Matron of Honor. Eddie’s own parents stand with Bobby, hovering just in front of their little gathering as the county officiant quietly walks them through the ceremony. 

It’s easier, this time, to promise his life to the person across from him. He’s not 22 and terrified, a stupid kid in over his head marrying a girl he knocked up but isn’t sure he loves. Eddie hadn’t even been sure what love was back then, staring Shannon in her equally scared gaze at the altar. He knows now. Knows that while it was showing up in the worst of times, when you’re having a kid together and everything in your life is turning on its head, love is also quiet nights at home. It’s grocery runs when the other is tired, but it’s also sharing laughter over meals. Love is having someone on your side during the worst day of your life and the best. 

Shannon and Eddie had that once, before the bad days outnumbered the good. Before parenthood and bills and war forced them both to grow in opposite directions. They’d had love, he knows it, just not the lasting kind. Here, staring at Buck as the officiant asks them to repeat their vows, he knows that the love he feels is lasting. 

Buck has been there for Eddie’s worst breakdown without flinching. Eddie has forced Buck out of bed during the worst slump he’d ever seen. They’ve been there for the bad and lasted. But more than that, Buck had helped Eddie build a skateboard for Chris. Eddie has acted as guinea pig every time Buck works on a new recipe. They’ve laughed in their kitchens and tussled over video games and celebrated life together. 

It’s better, knowing that even platonic as this is, he never has to worry about not loving Buck enough . 

A decade and a half ago, he’d stumbled over his vows. Sweat pouring down his back under an itchy suit. Today, he’s staring into blue eyes instead of green. Looking up instead of down. His parents are still behind him but they’re standing in support rather than obligation. Shannon is dead, but Chris is at Eddie’s shoulder. 

This is nothing like his last wedding. Eddie knows that’s probably for the best. 

Doesn’t stop him from mourning. 

When the officiant gets to the ring exchange, Eddie pulls the ring out of his pocket still in the box. He slides the ring on Buck’s finger, a simple gold band sliding to fit snug against Buck’s knuckle. The words Eddie had chosen to have inscribed rest against Buck’s skin. 

At the officiant’s nod, he recites, “Evan Buckley, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity.” 

Eddie knows the words to speak, had googled them just to be sure he would get them right again. He’s also chosen to omit the second line, given his own lapsed faith. Buck gets that startled deer look in his eyes again, like the one thing he actually hadn’t considered was what to say when they exchanged their rings. Eddie has to hold back a laugh at the sight. 

Buck clearly mentally scrambles, knowing his turn is next. Eddie shouldn’t laugh at him right now. Instead, he adjusts his grip to squeeze Buck’s hand in reassurance. Eddie waits for Buck to focus back on him before leading Buck in a steadying breath. His best friend steadies and turns to his sister. 

Maddie hands Buck the ring she’d had stowed away in her pocket. Eddie gets a flash, that same simple gold band that Eddie had given Buck sliding up his own finger. They are absolutely going to hear jokes about this. 

“With this ring, I thee wed,” Buck says firmly. So he had known something to say, he just hadn’t expected Eddie to take the Catholic route. 

At least he could still surprise Buck.

Buck makes an exaggerated show of making sure the ring is snug, glancing up at Eddie with cheer painted across his face. Eddie is helpless to stop himself from smiling in return. 

“Gentlemen, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom.”

Eddie hasn’t stopped looking at Buck, which is why he sees the mischief overtake his friend’s face. He doesn’t have time to slide into his own stern dad look before Buck is leaning in and smacking a loud kiss on his lips. 

The kiss is lightning fast, but Eddie still feels Buck’s soft lips against his own. Electricity races down Eddie’s spine, shocking him into swaying forward to follow Buck’s retreat. He’s still smiling and Buck’s grin is sunshine bright. The expression lifts Eddie high, like a hot air balloon tied to his heart. 

Next to him, Chris makes a sound and both of them shoot their eyes to him in sync. 

Their kid is staring up at them, eyes shiny as he sways a little. Eddie reaches out, slowly enough for Chris to dodge if he doesn’t want to be touched, tucking Chris into his side. Buck’s arm slides around Eddie’s shoulder to squish Chris between them. Chris’ head tilts down to stare at the floor, dodging both of their questioning faces. Buck is the one to drop a kiss into Chris’ curls. 

Eddie glances up at the officiant, nodding for him to continue. There’s not much left anyway. The man finishes out and then presents them with their certificate to sign. Eddie quietly reaches over to do so, left hand the only part of him leaving their little bubble. Buck holds his hand out for the pen and Chris’ head tilts back up just in time to see Buck finish signing. 

The officiant quietly congratulates them, but their focus is already back on their kid. Cajoling him with the promise of the entire 118 waiting for them with ice cream. Bobby moves forward to wrap their little family in his arms. The man happily tells Chris about how excited Harry is to see him again. Over Buck’s shoulder, Maddie watches Eddie in silent focus. Behind him, his parents are silent. 

--

Seeing all their friends and family packed into the little tables of the ice cream parlor, Eddie is thankful that Buck had the forethought to book the place for a private party. Bobby is holding the door open for them, Christopher leading the charge inside. His mood has clearly been buoyed by the promise of ice cream. 14-years-old and just as bribable as he was at 7. 

A cheer went up through their friends and family at their entrance. 

What felt like a million hugs later, as their friends pass them back and forth, Eddie ends up in front of Hen and Karen. Both of them looking smug. 

Hen’s smirk is particularly delighted as she says, “So should I congratulate you or ask if you know what year it is?”

“Ha ha,” Eddie replies sarcastically, “I don’t have a concussion, Hen. I actually think this is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”

This declaration does not wipe the smugness from either of their faces. In fact, it makes the self satisfaction grow stronger. Karen chimes in with “Oh it definitely is, we just weren’t expecting it to happen this way.”

The ease she says those words with are what get him. The dead certainty, as if she- they had seen this coming from a mile away. 

“This way? Wait were you expecting-“

Karen cuts him off, “Don’t ask questions you’re not ready for the answer to.” 

Really, the only answer Eddie can give to that is, “Heard.”

They pat him on the arms, both of the Wilsons giving him sympathetic looks. Like they know something he doesn’t and Eddie can’t really handle whatever it is so he turns his eyes to Buck instead. 

The man is not far, talking to his sister with an amused tilt to his head. Chimney laughs beside them and Maddie turns to play fight with her husband as Buck slips away back towards Eddie. He throws an arm over Eddie’s shoulder, grinning like mad when they meet at their little table. 

“So,” Buck starts, “Ice cream, my dear?”

Eddie laughs at the endearment. He’s sure there will be many more, increasingly ridiculous ones in his future. Getting married has opened the floodgates holding back any affection that might have felt too much, not that they’d had many boundaries in that department to begin with. 

“I think Chris might stir up a coup if we don’t open the line soon.” 

“Sounds good,” Buck’s smile gets wider, pleased as punch and bright as a summer day, “What d’ya say we share a scoop of butter pecan to start off married life?”

“You don’t like butter pecan,” Eddie shoots back. 

“Yeah but you only like butter pecan, I can put up with it for half a scoop and then go back for the good stuff.” 

Eddie isn’t sure how he’s supposed to say no to that. Especially not when paired with Buck’s self-satisfied face. It’s a deadly combo, to be handled with so much consideration by someone who genuinely loves to take care of people. Making Eddie happy makes Buck happy and Eddie really likes it when Buck is happy. They’re like an ouroboros of care.

“Deal. Put a scoop of chocolate in too so you have something you actually like.” 

After the first round of ice cream, Buck is across the room entertaining the kids by pulling out his silliest dance moves to the sugary pop song coming over the store speakers. Jee Yun is in his arms, laughing high and infectious. Buck’s big hands are cradling his niece gently, bouncing her with his silly wiggle dance as the boys cackle in delight. Every so often, one of Buck’s hands will reach out to tousle Chris’ curls. 

Eddie’s heart thumps in his chest. A solid pounding against his rib cage, getting faster as Eddie watches his new husband. He’s edging into staring when Athena catches his elbow, looking just as amused as Hen and Karen had before her.

Athena tweaks Eddie’s sleeve and says, “We wanted to congratulate you.”

Bobby is at her side, face unreadable. He hasn’t exactly been the most supportive, even though he’s been going along with it. Eddie figures he was never going to be a fan of his pseudo-son marrying Eddie for convenience. Bobby is still gracious enough to add, “Even though I can’t say I like how it happened, I do think if anyone can be good for each other it's you two.”

The compliment is definitely a little backhanded but there is a compliment in there so Eddie goes with a non-combative, “Thanks?”

Bobby sighs, that inherent paternal quality he exudes without thought making the wariness sting. Eddie’s father is just across the room, but Ramon has never made Eddie feel the gentle paternal disappointment that Bobby is evoking in this moment. 

“Listen, I just want you boys to do right by each other. Take care of each other, okay?” Bobby clutches at Eddie’s arm, hand warm and gentle. Eddie has a stray thought that this must be where Buck learned it from.

Eddie nods, too choked up by the care of everyone in this room to say anything without tears escaping. Bobby has seen him cry enough, no need to add to their tally.

Bobby’s hand slips away just to be replaced by Athena’s. Her grip tightens reassuringly and then also leaves so they can walk back into the crowds towards Buck. 

Maddie takes no time to replace them, Chimney at her shoulder. There is no segue before she’s saying, “I think you could be good to him.”

“I’m certainly going to try,” Eddie says and means it. It’s a stated goal in this marriage for him, to be a good husband to Buck.

Maddie leans in close, voice dropping low so only he can hear, “And if you’re not, I’ll gift him your balls in a shadow box.”

A laugh bursts its way out of Eddie unbidden. He should have expected a shovel talk from Maddie of all people. She is very protective of her baby brother. Her face does not reflect his amusement. Instead, her expression is solemn as a gravestone. 

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

Maddie flicks her finger to point at his chest as she says, “I’m watching you.”

Eddie glances up at Chimney over her shoulder, trying to gauge how serious he should be taking this threat. Chimney looks amused but he also nods his head at Eddie. Deadly serious then. Eddie will be watching his back for overprotective big sisters. 

Oh shit, his sisters!

Eddie really doesn’t have time to think about how he’s completely forgotten to tell his sisters about his impending nuptials. 

People start trickling out not long after Maddie threatens his manhood. Maddie, having said her piece, seems content to retrieve the girls and say her goodbyes to her brother. Night is falling meaning all the kids are approaching bedtime. Hen and Karen do the same, gathering up Denny to say goodnight to Mara before they too head home. The others are not far behind. 

Eddie seeks out his parents to say goodnight. They have plans in the morning to all meet at Pepa’s house for a family gathering, but Eddie wants to thank them for coming. Something he hadn’t done last time he got married. 

He finds Buck with them, much to his surprise. Chris is leaning into Buck’s side, flagging slowly but surely. His father is making small talk with Buck about- abandoned oil lines in the LA area? Eddie’s mother actually looks pleased about it. Buck has passed the ultimate Diaz test, drawing Eddie’s father into a real conversation.

Eddie knew in theory that Buck could make friends anywhere, but to see his power implemented on Ramon Diaz was more impressive than Eddie had ever seen. 

“Hate to interrupt,” Eddie is surprised to mean it, “but I think it’s about time to head home.”

He turns to Christopher. This has to be his son’s choice or there’s no point. Chris has to want to come home if they have any chance of patching their family back together. 

“Do you want…” 

“I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed.” Chris says it drowsily. 

Eddie’s chest feels as incredible as Buck’s face looks. 

–

Chris is half asleep by the time they make their way home. From the early morning flight to the ice cream party, the kid has had a long day. His head is flopped over against the window in the backseat of the truck, eyes blinking slower and slower. Despite this, when they pull up to the house, Chris gets out of the car under his own power. Stubborn as ever to do things himself. 

The mood is light, happy the way coming home hasn’t been since the day Chris left. Buck bumps his shoulder against Eddie’s when he meets him on the side of the Jeep. 

“Guess I better head back to the loft,” the words are both a statement and a question. Buck fishing for what Eddie wants him to do. 

“Don’t be silly, Buck,” Eddie sways into Buck’s space. The closeness Eddie could always count on unchanged by the newest aspect of their relationship. Their personal space is a collective and that includes their homes. 

Buck is looking at him with those too blue eyes, big as moons even as he follows Eddie up to the porch.

“You’re staying here Buck, we just got married. You can’t just go back to the loft when you can stay home.”

“If we’re doing this,” Buck turns to him, too big eyes still in full effect to cloud Eddie’s sanity, “someone needs to get carried over the threshold and I’m not sure you can pick me up.”

That little…

Eddie feels indignation well up in his chest, “That sounds like a challenge.”

Buck does that thing where his shoulders come up and his bottom lip pouts out to tease Eddie, “It wasn’t but now I think it would be funny to see you try.” 

His husband grins at him, all teeth and sparkling eyes. Eddie is being teased but he’s enjoying the camaraderie too much to do anything but rise to the bait. 

Eddie huffs as he unlocks the door, “It’s my house and if I wanna carry you over the threshold I damn well will.” Eddie is already calculating exactly how to pick his giant of a best friend up. A fireman’s carry would be easy, but it also feels a little like cheating. 

“You know I don’t mean in a fireman’s carry right,” Buck reads his mind, “That’s totally cheating.”

Eddie will never let Buck know he’d just been thinking the exact same thing. He’d get all smug about reading Eddie’s mind and Eddie would have to knock him down a peg. 

“I. Can. Pick. You. Up.”

“Alright, let’s see you try.” The cocky grin is getting bigger. Eddie wants to wipe the look off his face. He wants to smooth his hand over Buck’s lips until they form a different shape. The memory of Buck’s lips brushing his own comes unbidden. Out of place in this moment of time. 

Eddie mentally shakes the memory off. His pride is on the line and he doesn’t intend to lose this contest. 

“Get over here,” Eddie makes a grab for Buck. Buck lets himself be grabbed, laughing freely. From the doorway, Christopher looks back at them with an expression that says he finds them ridiculous. Eddie squints at him until Chris rolls his eyes and continues his way inside. 

Son safely in the house, Eddie tries to get a grip on Buck. He swings around to grab Buck under the knees. If Eddie can pull off a real bridal carry, he’ll have gloating rights until the end of time. He might as well try. 

Buck, the kind soul that he is, does not ragdoll to make it harder for Eddie. Instead, he gamely throws an arm around Eddie’s shoulders as Eddie hauls him up into that bridal carry. 

It’s not easy, but Eddie has spent all summer working his feelings out at the gym. Buck has actually been the harbinger of his own doom here by helping Eddie get into weightlifting. He can’t bench what Buck and his ridiculous arms can do, but he can lift Buck. 

Carrying Buck to the front steps feels good. In his arms, Buck has gone quiet, gaping a little in Eddie’s peripherals. Eddie can’t speak, he would do little more than grunt if he tried, so the silence charges itself with electricity. As Eddie maneuvers them through the doorway, he can see Buck’s face going red. 

Shows him to challenge Eddie. 

Just to show off, Eddie takes Buck all the way to the couch before he plops him down. Buck bounces a little and the impact knocks a breathy laughter out of him. Eddie is trying his best not to show how out of breath he is. Instead, he makes sure to peacock a little, flexing his arms to show off. 

From the hallway, Chris calls out, “Are you guys done, yet?”

Eddie spins, but he’s a little too nervous to call the teenager out on his tone so he opts for, “Want help unpacking? It can be our first family activity.”

Buck shoots up from the couch, leaning in over Eddie’s shoulder to shoot Chris his best puppy dog eyes. 

Chris is still drowsy, but he looks serious as he answers, “okay, but we gotta be fast. I’m tired!”

Eddie grins right up through being graciously allowed to tuck his unusually unprotesting teen into bed. He hasn’t smiled this much in months. Here with his kid and his husband, Eddie finally feels like he can figure the rest of his life out. 

--

Their final hurdle of the day, if it can really be called that, is when Buck starts digging in the linen closet for sheets to set up the couch. 

“Buck,” he aims for stern and Eddie’s pretty sure he nails it by the responding look on Buck’s face, “we are literally married now. I think we can share a bed, instead of sticking you on the couch.”

Buck’s face goes red, surprisingly bashful for a guy who has so little shame. 

“I- uh- I didn’t think it-,” Buck stutters out, the way he once told Eddie means his brain is going too fast and too slow at the same time, “it would- uh- well, if you don’t mind-“

“I don’t mind, Buck,” Eddie doesn’t hold himself back, best not to shy away now. He bumps his arm into Buck’s side and lets himself stay there.

Buck is blushing still, but he’s also smiling small and quiet. He lets Eddie close the closet door and steer him to the bedroom. Buck has a drawer in Eddie’s dresser already, so he can get ready just as well in there. Buck dodges into the bathroom before they make it to the bedroom. Eddie lets him go, assured that he’ll just pull Buck to the bedroom if he tries for the couch again. 

Eddie has just enough time to check on Chris and change into pajamas before Buck is shuffling in. His face is red from the quick shower and he won’t quite look Eddie in the eyes. He’s  also being unusually quiet, so Eddie is the one who has to break the ice. 

“So, which side of the bed do you want?”

Buck startles, like he was lost in thought until that moment. Eddie notices his hands part, the right coming back from where Buck had been twisting his ring in what was clearly going to be a new fidget. 

“Oh uh- I don’t have a preference.”

Eddie knows the fib for what it is. Buck sleeps on the left side of the bed in his loft when he’s alone. Eddie has surprised him for enough morning outings to have caught on that he’s always on the same side. Luckily, this works out because Eddie prefers the right side of the bed so that when he turns to the nightstand his left arm is free.

“Sure you don’t. Good for you, I prefer the right side,” he pokes at Buck’s side, basking in the way Buck goes all bashful at being caught in the white lie, “You brushed your teeth?

Buck drops into disbelief so fast Eddie is surprised he doesn’t get whiplash. Buck is all indignant as he replies, “You know I’m your husband, not your 14-year-old, right?”

Eddie allows his silence to speak for him.

Buck rolls his eyes but confirms, “Yes, I’ve brushed my teeth.”

Eddie nods decidedly, “Good, then I’ll just- my turn with the bathroom.”

Buck moves toward the bed, picking up his phone to open a new site no doubt. He’s washed his hair, curls falling over his forehead in a haphazard mess.  “Yeah, sounds good. I’ll just read a little before bed.”

Eddie resists the urge to slide his fingers through Buck’s curls. It takes mental fortitude but Eddie has a lot of practice after 6 years of friendship. “Don’t wait up if you’re tired though, okay?”

Buck’s reply is all cheek, “Wasn’t gonna.”

Eddie shakes a fist playfully, “Listen you brat-”

Buck cackles, quiet as he can so as not to wake Chris. Eddie makes a face at him, baring his teeth like he might bite Buck if given the chance. Buck just continues to laugh, so Eddie throws his dirty shirt at Buck’s head before heading to the bathroom. 

Eddie is nothing if not efficient with his shower time. The army and firefighting will do that to a man. Usually, he can be in and out in under 10. 

Usually.

Eddie takes his ring off to shower, aiming to safely place it in the little dish. He pauses halfway when a damn inscription inside of the band catches his eye. There is absolutely no way. 

Got Your Back

What are the fucking odds? Guess they did deserve all that teasing about melding into one being. How else would Buck just happen to get him the same simple gold ring with the same words stamped on the inside? 

When Eddie comes back to the bedroom twenty minutes later, he stops to stare. Buck is spread out on his stomach fast asleep. He’s not wearing a shirt because Buck complains about how hot LA is all the time and the heat of August is certainly not proving him wrong. Eddie and Chris tease him constantly for being a Pennsylvania boy just for him to laugh at them in turn when it drops below 65 and they break out hoodies. 

Sliding into the bed is warm. Buck’s body heat is radiating under the sheets, seeping into Eddie’s soul. Their arms brush, even a king sized bed isn’t large enough for both of them to sleep in without touching. Eddie denies himself the urge to tuck into Buck’s side. Their lack of personal space on a normal day is exacerbated by a need for comfort. 

They’ve had a wild day, getting Chris back from Texas, getting married, and stuffing themselves with enough sugar to make Willy Wonka shudder. All of it is enough to make Eddie want to pass right out. Of course, that means he lays in bed for hours staring at the ceiling and feeling Buck beside him. 

Chapter Text

A week of married bliss has revealed several things. 

First, Eddie loves being someone’s husband again. He’d said it to Bobby once, that he loved being married, but it’s only more true now. When he was married to Shannon, being her husband was a point of pride no matter how bad they were doing. Being Buck’s husband? It’s the best.

Being married is permission to devote himself. If he thought about an idea that might make Buck smile, he could just do it. No second guessing. No questioning if any action would be too much. 

Even better, Buck was still his best friend. Eddie could buy Buck new house slippers because his feet were always cold and tease him about being too tall for his circulation to work properly. He could set up a corner of the living room for Jee Yun to play in when they babysat and tease Buck about having competition for favorite uncle. Buck had let him complain about the surprise of the stance his parents had taken while also helping him set Ramon and Helena up at Pepa’s house for their two week visit. It’s the best of both worlds, really.

Second, Buck is a cuddler, but so is Eddie. The both of them migrating to occupy the center of the bed every night, waking up tangled in each other’s limbs. Buck’s warm skin pressed against Eddie’s own until their sweat sticks them together come morning. Pre-breakfast showers have become their new norm, but Eddie really doesn’t mind. The hassle is worth it to wake up and see his husband’s face every morning. 

He’s slowly but surely following Buck's example, too. As August suffocates the California coast with the dying dregs of summer heat, wearing less and less to bed until he's only in light, breathable boxers is a relief. He’d felt weird at first, not wearing his shirt. Buck’s own shamelessness is reassuring though. Buck doesn’t care how much skin is showing at any moment and it convinces Eddie to shoot for comfort rather than worrying about modesty.

Third, Eddie loves not having to drive. He's never been a fan, always claiming the passenger seat when they go anywhere together. Now, "anywhere" includes school drop off and work. It's great. Buck happily humming away in the driver's seat while Eddie gets to play "passenger princess" as Buck jokingly calls him. Buck can laugh all he wants, Eddie will take it if he gets to avoid driving in LA traffic. 

Lastly, Buck really doesn’t need his loft anymore. He hasn’t been back to the apartment since their wedding day, not even to get clothes. By the time he runs through what's stashed in Eddie’s dresser, it’s time for laundry anyway. Plus, a majority of Buck’s most treasured items, Chris’ drawings and trinkets from their friends, are already in Eddie’s home to begin with. Pinned to walls and decorating shelves with abandon. The loft is unnecessary outside of Buck needing his own space, a notion Buck is quick to dismiss. 

“You don’t have to give up your loft if you don’t want to,” Eddie says, needing Buck to know it’s not necessary for him to sacrifice his space for convenience sake.

Buck simply tilts his head up to look at Eddie from his place on the couch and squints to where Eddie is sitting on the armrest before saying, “You’re being weird about this.”

“I’m not being weird,” Eddie defends himself, “you’ve just been giving up a lot really fast and I want to make sure you’re not going to regret it.”

Buck had told him once, a month into quarantine cohabitation that he was used to having time where no one acknowledged him. Time when he could just exist “like a ghost” in his own apartment and recharge. Buck claimed it made seeing them all at work refreshing, but suddenly not having any of that time had made him realize he built part of his own stability on that alone time. 

Buck hadn't even sounded sad at the ghost comment. He'd just looked at Eddie like the words coming out of his mouth were normal and shouldn't make Eddie want to shake sense into Abby Clark. 

Months later, after the Buckley parents had come and gone, Buck quietly admitted that Abby wasn't the first person to make him feel like a ghost haunting someone’s house. Eddie discovered a new well of loathing reserved especially for Margaret and Phillip Buckley that day. He hadn't been able to force a laugh when Buck chuckled out, “maybe that's why it took me so long to realize it was a problem with Abby.” 

There is no corner of Eddie’s selfish heart that will force Buck to give up his space unless he wants to.

Buck leans forward, torso pressing against the leg Eddie has propped up while the other balances him on the small armrest. They really are getting worse at personal space by the minute because there is no reason for Eddie to be here instead of the perfectly empty armchair. Buck’s still wet from the shower, skin flushed and hair dripping on Eddie. He’d made a joke about never having to go home since Eddie’s shampoo was now marital assets that jump started this very conversation.

Eddie is not complaining though, he likes being so free to press against each other. 

“I’m not really giving up anything,” Buck says, voice still too light for the topic at hand.

Eddie isn’t going to let that slide. He knows Evan Buckley too well to let Buck ignore what he’s giving up entirely. Eddie’s hand swats at Buck’s curls where they’re dripping from the shower and causing a damp spot on Eddie’s pants. “The chance to marry someone you love not ringing a bell?”

His best friend huffs out, sounding offended when he says, “But I do love you.”

He misses whatever face Buck makes after that because he’s rolling his eyes so hard. He doesn’t need Buck being obtuse about this. Eddie swats at Buck’s head playfully before saying, “That’s not what I meant and you know it. I want you to think about yourself when you make this decision.”

Buck slumps further into Eddie’s leg. His chest is warm, pecs tucked against Eddie’s thigh and he slings one arm across Eddie’s lap. His big blue eyes look up at Eddie from under his curls as he assures Eddie, “I haven’t even been back to the loft all week. It’ll be nice to not worry about it. Besides, I like being here.”

Eddie is a sucker. He caves in under 30 seconds of puppy eyes.

“… if you’re sure.”

The warmth of Buck draws away from him. The other man retreats like a nervous cat, all slow and careful movements. He shyly adds, “Unless… you don’t want me here? I can- I’ll go-”

“No! No, we want you here, I promise.” Eddie can’t get it out fast enough. Buck is welcome here and he can't be allowed to doubt that fact. Eddie’s hand moves without conscious input to pull Buck back into his side and half across his lap. Eddie’s space is Buck’s space now. His home, his bed, his personal space were all theirs now. They may not have married for the traditional reasons but their union didn’t mean less for it. 

One day, after all the therapy Buck was making him go to, he may even be able to say that to Buck. For now, he just blushes at the sudden intimacy of their position, watching as Buck’s face flares bright red in turn. He doesn’t pull away again though, the both of them content with Buck draped over Eddie. 

“We should… probably ask Chris together?” Buck asks, deferring to Eddie. 

Eddie refuses to be distracted by the way Buck’s curls are growing fluffier as they air dry. Even with Buck so close, Eddie can’t do something stupid like forget himself and start running his fingers through Buck’s hair. 

“That’s probably a good plan, yeah. Tonight after dinner?”

“Sounds good,” Buck says, then because he’s an obnoxious little shit, rubs his still wet hair against Eddie’s side.

--

Work at the station is weirdly normal. With Bobby’s endorsement, the department has allowed them to keep working together pending review. Given that their relationship hasn’t actually changed beyond the legalities, Eddie can’t imagine the review will decide against them. They are a team, it would be a waste of resources if the department decided they needed to be separated. 

Their friends are a little weird about it, in that they aren’t teasing them about getting married. They must sense Eddie’s desperation for this to work and hold off. They’re a nice bunch like that. For now. He knows that once he and Buck show that they’re okay, it will be open season on the newlyweds.

Every shift since the wedding, Hen has approached him at some point to ask, “Has it hit yet?”

Eddie’s answer is always a confused sound and her reply is simply to pat him on the shoulder sympathetically. He has no clue what she’s waiting for and he’s not about to try guessing. Hen’s more than likely trying to find out who won a bet of some kind. He doesn’t want to know, especially if what he’s supposed to realize is that marrying his best friend at his teenager’s request was a bad idea. If that’s what Hen’s getting at, she’ll be waiting forever. 

So long as Buck is happy with their arrangement, Eddie’s life is coming up daisies. The past week has been a dream compared to the rest of the summer. His kid at home, his best friend around all the time, and his captain back in charge. 

Speaking of Bobby, that morning the captain enlists Eddie to help him cook for the first time since Eddie’s probationary year when he burnt the bottom of one of Bobby’s pans. 

Eddie has gotten better, through no small amount of effort. He’ll never be Michelin Star worthy like Bobby or even on Buck’s level, but he can make a basic meal from more than a microwave dinner. Linda had stuck to giving him simple recipes and they worked for him. Although, Abuela still didn’t trust him with the family tamale recipe. Eddie was now trying to finagle Buck into asking for it since marriage fixed him firmly in the family category. 

Bobby sets him to chopping vegetables for stew and makes small talk. Eddie keeps his eyes on the knife and waits for it. 

Less than 10 minutes later, Bobby begins with, “How are you boys settling in?”

The knife moves consistently, Eddie using his knuckles as a guide and refusing to startle at the question. He knew it was coming, after all. Bobby would be keeping an eye on them for a while, no doubt. Eddie calmly replies, “I think it’s actually going really well? Why has Buck said anything?”

Bobby shakes his head, “No, I just wanted to check in. It’s a big life change, getting married. Especially when you do it because your teenager asks you to.”

Their captain grimaces a little in disapproval in Eddie’s periphery. He’d been quietly unhappy about the whole thing from the beginning but willing to let them make their own choices. That was usually his way, letting them make their own mistakes to learn from while sticking around to support them through the aftermath.

“I know it seems crazy,” Eddie can’t bring himself to look directly at the man. He hates disappointing Bobby. 

He feels Bobby’s eyes on him anyway. The man has paused his movements, a powder that Eddie didn’t recognize hovering over a bowl of water. Eddie knows he’s being analyzed by the man, searched for weakness in the calm so Bobby can interfere before something goes wrong. There is no front though, Eddie is calm.

Bobby slowly says, “Not crazy… maybe not well thought out, though.”

Eddie scoffs. Not well thought out is kind of their gig. He thinks stuff through more than Buck but that’s a low bar. Eddie still does impulsive shit like join fight clubs and taking his dead wife’s lookalike on dates. Usually, he started to regret it fairly quickly, but couldn’t pull himself back out of the hole he’d dug for himself. This may seem like one of those times from the outside and maybe at first it had been, but marrying Buck only felt better the longer it went on. 

That’s a lot of nuance Eddie doesn’t want to get into here in the open air loft so he just says, “I get how it can seem that way.” 

Bobby resumes making whatever concoction he’s preparing for the stew. Eddie feels like he’s passed some kind of test, even though the answer he’d given didn’t warrant it. Bobby hums and says, “As long as the two of you are sure and you promise me you’ll work together on it.”

Not a hard request, Buck and Eddie did that anyway. Not just now, but pretty much always. 

“I think we can manage that.”

--

Eddie’s new ability to chop up veggies with consistency has been put to good use. No doubt, Buck has told Bobby about his progress with cooking at least the basics, giving Bobby the chance to talk to him. Betrayed by his own husband. The traitor was giving away his secrets so Cap has an easier excuse to get Eddie alone for heart to hearts. 

If Eddie asked him about it, Buck would probably say it’s for the better. He’d be right. 

The stew he gets out of it might be worth the hassle of emotional conversations. Perfectly thick and hearty with chunks of beef that melt in the mouth. Eddie is downright pleased with himself to have had a hand in making it. 

Buck sits beside Eddie, packing away stew, while Hen and Chimney are dipping Bobby’s homemade french bread into the stock with gusto. The entire crew is devouring stew and crusty bread so fast they can’t get any words out. The threat of the bell ringing mid dinner is enough to silence any conversation for the first 15 minutes but not much longer. 

Finally, Chimney breaches the silence with a light, “So how’s wedded bliss?”

Buck glances at Eddie as he answers, “Not bad, if you ask me.”

Shrugging, Eddie adds, “I mean, better than last time.”

Chimney gets a cheeky look as he glances at Buck, “So you’re saying Buck makes a good wife?”

There was the teasing. Clearly, Eddie was looking better if they were back on the table for mockery. 

Hen smacks Chimney’s shoulder and offendedly says, “Don’t be reductionist, Chimney. Buck makes for a good husband . Which,” Hen looks pointedly at Buck, “we all knew he would.”

Beside him, Buck starts blushing at the compliment. It’s alarmingly easy to make Buck flush with pleasure. Eddie should compliment him more, now that he has free reign to be as affectionate as he wants with the other man. Inoculate Buck so maybe he won’t be thrown any time someone shows him appreciation. 

Across the table Chimney is hanging his head in semi-mock remorse, “Yes, yes, gay relationships aren’t just an imitation of straight relationships. The whole point is they’re both husbands. Sorry.”

Eddie’s gotten too comfortable because his mouth runs away from him, “Buck would make a great wife, if that’s what he wanted to be.”

Hen’s eyes shoot over to Buck, a question in her gaze, “Oh? Is that-”

She would be nothing but supportive and they all know it. Hen was the best like that. Hen was also alarmingly gungho about it sometimes. The mere suggestion sparking a fire in her that was probably unnecessary.

Buck is giving them all that wide eyed deer in headlights look. His head swings around to Eddie, searching for help. There’s a smear of stew on his cheek and Eddie has to remind himself not to reach out to clean it. He could do that at home, but they had to remain professional at work if they didn’t want to be split up. 

Buck puts down his spoon to emphasize what he’s saying with his hands and says, “I’m not having a gender crisis, thanks. How did we get here?”

To be honest, Eddie wasn’t sure how that diversion happened either. Rabbit holes in conversations were just a thing with the 118. No conversation could stay on course with a group so easily distracted. Athena once joked that they used up all their focus on calls and couldn’t be expected to waste it on their own conversations. Bobby said they were all familiar enough that they could all follow the jumped tracks with pride.

Bobby can say that because he’s usually the one with focus left to spare. Like now, when he chimes in with, “Wedded bliss.”

Buck grins at Bobby, then swings the look to Eddie as he picks his spoon back up and says, “I think we’re doing okay, right?”

Eddie nods. He likes to think they’ve done pretty well, given how it happened. Buck certainly hasn’t lodged a complaint. 

Buck dooms them though, when he continues, “I mean it’s not even that different. We already spent most of our time together, now I just get to call Chris my son.”

Eddie beams. He not so secretly loves how quickly Buck has taken up the mantle of step-dad. He also spots Hen and Chimney grinning at them with evil in their hearts. 

“Oh? Not that different, huh?” Hen says it with a sly tone. 

Chimney picks up before anyone else can interject, “Yeah, Maddie and I didn’t find marriage that different from what we were already doing. Like that, right?”

It’s a trap. It’s a trap. Buck, please, it’s a trap!

“I guess,” Buck doesn’t catch the trap waiting to spring, “except Eddie and I weren’t dating.” 

“You said 'call Chris your son.' So you admit you already had a kid together, you just couldn’t say it to people,” Bobby of all people betrays them.

Buck sucks in a breath. He’s about to panic, so Eddie grabs his knee and takes over. 

“Obviously, I made him Chris’ guardian in my will years ago. If anything, getting married simplified the whole thing.”

Bobby drops his utensils. The teasing at the table has stopped entirely in favor of gaping at the two of them. Even the more extended members of A shift are staring at them from the other tables. Eddie hadn’t realized this was earth shattering information. 

“You… did,” Hen looks at him. She’s tilted her head to look at him over her glasses for full effect. 

“Yeah, who else would I trust to take care of Chris?” Eddie’s not sure what about this is so wild. Buck was the obvious choice. He hadn’t even known Buck for two years before he put Buck in his will with no reservations. He never even had to doubt that Buck would say yes. Eddie continues, trying to drive it home, “Buck’s been one of Chris’ parents for years.”

The silence lingers but Buck’s grin is worth it. Eddie’s hand is still on his knee. He’ll need it back at some point, to finish his meal, but Buck is on his left and Eddie is happy to sacrifice his dominant hand for the moment of solidarity. 

Bobby’s hand reaches for Buck’s shoulder, landing to draw his attention and Eddie’s with it. 

“Sounds like you two already have everything you need to make this work.”

--

Frank’s office is comfortable, calculatedly so. The lights are soft and the temperature cool. There’s a big bright window so you can’t feel trapped in a small space, but Eddie feels trapped anyway. 

"It’s been a while,” Frank eyes him, notepad already out, “Why are you here today Eddie?" 

Here goes nothing.

"My husband made it a condition of us getting married,” He’s expecting some kind of shock. Frank had more insight into Eddie’s dating turmoil than most. Although they’d barely breached the topic given the more pressing issue of Eddie’s PTSD, Frank knew he had hangups. Frank had even asked him once if he’d like a referral for a therapist who specialized in interpersonal therapy but Eddie hadn’t had the time after he transferred back to the 118.

But if Frank is surprised, he doesn’t show it. The man just writes something down for his notes and says, "Interesting. Why was this a condition of marrying your husband?"

"Well, I fucked up really bad last Spring,” it’s hard to tell Frank this. The only other person Eddie has talked about it all with is Buck and he hadn’t even been the one to alert Buck to the situation to begin with, “Like, my kid moved away because he couldn't even look at me fucked up, but when I got him talking to me again, he agreed to come home if I just married Buck." 

Frank isn’t writing anything in his notes but that doesn’t feel like a win in this instance. Eddie marks himself a point in his mental tally for shocking each other to silence. Frank is so far ahead of him on that scoreboard that there will never be a competition but Eddie likes to keep track anyway. Eddie has a feeling he’s exited Frank’s area of expertise about five miles back. The guy is a trauma specialist, but Eddie doesn’t really trust any other therapist right now. 

“So you-,” Frank lingers here, trying not to let anything show on his face or through his tone of voice. Eddie knows because he’s familiar with Frank trying not to let the alarm show. Last time, the face had died out after Eddie finally cracked open and talked to Frank about his problems. Concern becoming less frequent as Eddie stopped dodging his own emotions and started working on his issues. As if Eddie’s trauma wasn’t as alarming as his repression of it. 

“So you and Buck both agreed to follow through with this?” Frank continues, and Eddie isn’t sure he appreciates how Frank says 'and Buck'. None of this is Buck’s fault. He wants to make sure that Frank knows this is entirely Eddie’s mess, even if it means telling someone about the situation for the first time. 

“Buck agreed to help me because I cheated on my girlfriend with a woman who looked just like my dead wife and my son was so traumatized by it that he left the state, okay?” 

Frank is writing quickly, line after line in rapid succession. 

“Okay, why don’t we break this down into parts. That is, admittedly, a lot,” Frank comes in with the understatement of the year, “First, you were cheating on your girlfriend?”

“Marisol, yeah,” Eddie gulps. He hasn’t actually thought about Marisol since she walked out of his house that day. Far too concerned with Chris to consider a woman he hadn’t even known for a year. He shouldn’t look in on how she’s doing. Not after what he’d done. His concern would not be appreciated.

“We’ll mark that as issue number one,” Frank writes something down, short like he’s actually creating a checklist before continuing, “with a- doppelganger of your wife?”

“Emotional affair, we never even kissed but,” Eddie feels like he’s justifying rather than explaining even though he knows that Frank needs the full picture to help, “but I did- I- I took her out on dates. There was this one, probably the worst one, where I took her to the lake and it- it was just like the first time I met Shannon.”

Frank’s writing a lot more this time. Clearly, Eddie is reaching new levels of alarming. 

“So we’ll mark that down as…. issue two. We don’t have to go in order.” Well, that’s good because he’d maybe like to deal with that one last. 

The chair feels stiff against Eddie’s back. The fabric of his shirt itches around the collar.  There’s sweat gathering at the small of his back. Eddie has never enjoyed being examined, letting someone lay bare his flaws and figure out how to fix them. It always reminds him of sitting in his parent’s living room, being told not to drag Christopher down with him. Reminds him that the only thing his parents could have imagined him to be at one point was an anchor tied to his son’s waist, dragging him to drown alongside Eddie. 

Maybe he should bring that up, too. 

“So issue three is… Chris leaving?” Eddie prompts. Frank nods at him, writing it down. Eddie makes his own mental checklist. 

“That’s going to be a central issue, I’m sure,” Frank taps his pen against the paper and does a good job of making eye contact without staring Eddie down. Eddie wonders if he learned that in therapy school. Probably an important skill when you’re a trauma specialist. 

“Then, there’s- well,” Frank actually stumbles, a new point goes on Eddie’s side of the board, “You married Buck.” 

Eddie’s muscles relax, eased immediately by the simpler topic. 

“That’s kinda the only thing that isn’t an issue,” Eddie cuts in, and Frank’s eyebrow shoots up before he can control it, “That’s like the best decision I’ve ever made? Maybe?”

“Okay,” Frank is writing a lot as he says this, “So for that we’ll just set some goals.”

“Goals?” Eddie’s thrown off by the diversion. 

“Yes, an important part of working through things will be maintaining your current positive relationships,” Frank sits back in his chair, “we can start by setting some goals for your marriage to Buck.”

Eddie knows one right off the bat, “I want to be good to him.”

“A noble goal,” Frank smiles at him, “But a vague one. Why don’t we try to set three specific goals to help you achieve that.”

“Okay,” Eddie thinks about it, three goals seems simple enough. He thinks, though he probably shouldn’t, about the things Shannon had begged him to do. 

“I need to have his back,” Eddie knows this one for sure. It’s on their rings, it should be the main goal.

Frank squares him with a look that says he heard the specific wording of that sentence but lets him continue.

“I want to make sure he feels appreciated,” Eddie knows that Shannon hadn’t felt that. Had instead felt battered down by constant criticism for everything she did. Knows in the way that he’d felt the exact same. Neither of them were able to be a support for each other when they were so worn down. It was hard to show appreciation for each other when both of you are on the brink of falling apart. 

It’s inspiration, like a shock to the system. 

“And I want to get better for him,” Eddie finishes in a daze. Frank’s eyebrows shoot up to look at him in surprise. The man is off his game to be taken aback by Eddie so many times in only one session, “it was the only thing he asked me to do. To go to therapy and get better. He wanted me to do it for myself but… I’m not there yet. I think for now, I’ll have to do it for him. Because he deserves someone who’s willing to work at getting better.”

For a moment, Frank just stares at Eddie, looking dumbstruck. Then, Eddie gets that ever rare proud smile. There’s nothing neutral about it.

“I think that’s something I can help you with. Why don’t we start with whatever you’d like.” 

“… Marisol. I think that’s the easiest part to tackle. I’m still,” Eddie swallows, crosses his legs nervously, but moves forward anyway, “I don’t understand why I didn’t really consider her when it was happening.”

--

Buck is waiting for him outside the front door of Frank’s office. He's lounging against a wall, looking completely at ease as he waits with coffees in hand. Upon spotting Eddie, Buck hands him one of the coffees. Eddie knows it will be decaf but appreciates the warmth and familiar taste anyway. The hot drink is soothing, another ritual of care in their friendship.

Buck doesn't say a word as he bundles Eddie into the Jeep, respecting that Eddie might not be up to the challenge of small talk after spilling his guts all over Frank. Eddie has a feeling Buck gets it. Remembers the hours of unfamiliar quiet during quarantine, when Buck would go out on long runs after an hour up in his loft alone to get some space from the havoc of everyone taking over his loft until they could go home. 

Now, with perspective, Eddie knows those had been Buck’s post therapy runs. A way to shake off the oppressive energy of his own thoughts. Eddie’s own wind down used to be grabbing a warm coffee and picking up Chris from his own session because the drain of driving was worth listening to his kid chatter in the backseat. 

Today, Chris doesn't have a session and Eddie doesn't have to drive while emotionally drained. This time Eddie gets to sit back and listen to Buck hum softly along with the radio. One hand gripping his own iced coffee by the lid and the other laying casually over the wheel, Buck is spread out in the driver’s seat, all long legs and relaxed body language. Open to conversation but not initiating it. 

Eddie doesn't want to speak, really. The idea of a conversation right now makes his scraped insides burn. Eddie does want Buck to know how much the effort Buck is putting into his post-therapy care means to Eddie, “Thanks for the coffee.” 

Buck hums but doesn't prompt him further. His eyes sliding sideways behind the sunglasses until Eddie can see the sliver of blue focus on him for just a moment. Not long, they have both seen too many ways that taking your eyes off the road can go wrong, but enough of a glance to check on Eddie. 

The drive home is meditative, a virtual oasis after his visit with Frank. When they get home, Buck shuffles him through the door to the couch. Chris is at his Great Aunt’s house for a cousins sleepover, delighted to see them after a summer deprived of his most familiar extended family.  Buck has coordinated the event, undoubtedly to coincide with Eddie’s therapy session. 

The planning didn’t stop there, though. Buck disappears into the kitchen only to emerge with a supply of biscochitos he must have gotten from Pepa when he dropped Chris off. The comedy show they’ve been watching together is pulled up without pause and the lights dimmed to prevent a headache. The smart bulbs are a concession Eddie made to smart technology in the home when Buck petitioned to use his bulbs in the living room only. The paranoia they invoked was balanced by the soothing lights. 

He and Buck watch two episodes before quietly getting ready for bed. The new boxers he ordered for himself, without holes in them now that he was sharing a bed again, sliding on easy but too large. As long as they don’t slide down, he figures they’ll be fine. 

Buck is still unusually quiet. In any other circumstance it would feel out of character, but Buck is good at taking care of people no matter how much he denies the skill. 

I want to make sure he feels appreciated.

Eddie lays down next to Buck in their bed and follows through, “Hey, thanks for uh, you know.”

Buck turns to him, startled, “I get it, not wanting to talk. I, uh, a-actually called Dr. Copeland while you were in there.”

“Yeah?”

“Seemed like everyone else in the family was doing it. Figured I should, too.”

The grin is involuntary, the arm he slings around Buck is a choice. Tugging Buck into the center of the bed is a good starting point. Buck slinging his arm across Eddie in turn is perfect. 

--

Eddie's life hasn't felt so on track since he met Shannon's eyes over a candlelit dinner and asked her to come home. He's married his best friend, his son has come home, and he's going to therapy. Everything is getting uncontestedly better.

Of course he has to go and make a terrible decision.

It starts like this.

Waking up the day after therapy feels good for once. Not to imply that the feeling of being emotionally run over by a train isn't there, but the feeling is softer this time. There's a warm body laying half on top of him, small puffs of air brushing his cheek where Buck's face lies on the same pillow. Their legs are hooked together, chests pressed close and... Hips pressed closer.

There are a few blissful moments where Eddie's still waking up, a dream of soft lips and hard muscles lingering long enough for Eddie to thrust forward in search of relief. The brush of skin against his cock is a wake up call.

Those light, breathable boxers Eddie had worn to bed? They're bunched up so high that his godforsaken dick has fallen out of the leg hole.

And of course, because they always wake up pressed against each other and Buck has the legs of a baby giraffe, Eddie's godforsaken dick is pressed against Buck's thigh. Eddie can't even pull away in a panic because their legs are hooked into some complicated pattern, trapping him in place. 

He tries to wiggle away, but all the action does is rub his cock against Buck until he's gone from morning wood to actual hard-on. It’s been so long since he’s felt allowed to think of his dick after the Kim situation that just the idea of someone else touching him is making it hard to keep a level head. Eddie knows if there's too much more stimuli, he's going to make the most embarrassing mistake of his life. He can't even discreetly get away to take care of his problem in the bathroom because Buck is approximately the size of a mountain on top of him. 

Okay Diaz, get it together. You are NOT going to rub one out on your sleeping friend’s thigh. Husband's thigh… same difference.

He has two choices, wait for his problem to go down or wake Buck up to move. Maybe, if he just lays perfectly still, his heart will stop and he won’t ever have to explain this situation. More realistically, maybe he can get Buck to roll away without waking up.

Eddie takes a deep breath through his nose, just to inhale the smell of Buck’s body wash - Eddie’s body wash really. The body wash smells different though, distracting on Buck’s skin. Buck had once gone on a long tangent about perfumes reacting to individual body chemistry when Chimney was looking to buy Maddie perfume for her birthday. Eddie had sat back and laughed at Chimney’s distressed face. He’d laughed even harder when Chimney came in later with a watch instead of a bottle of perfume, but that was no comparison to when Maddie had opened a brand new bottle of her teenage favorite perfume and Buck had shot a smug look at Chimney while the older man gaped.

Passing Maddie a present from himself with some Bath and Bodyworks sprays in it had been the cherry on top.

Buck presses into Eddie rather than away, reminding Eddie to focus on his growing issue. And the issue was growing because the movement has drawn Eddie’s attention to the second dick of the situation. Buck’s.

Buck’s hips have shifted to nestle Buck’s cock in the dip of Eddie’s hip bone. Thankfully, still clothed but it wasn’t like Eddie could miss it so close to his own dick, which was feeling more like an eminent hazard by the moment. Eddie’s pretty sure if they make contact, he’s going to have to throw himself off a cliff.

Now or never.

Slowly, desperate not to startle Buck awake, Eddie slid his hand up Buck’s side to get a grip against his ribs. If he could just press Buck a little off of himself, Eddie could slide away. If he was lucky, Buck would still be deep enough asleep that he might not wake up. 

He’s not lucky. There’s a reason Eddie doesn’t believe in luck. When he presses against Buck’s side, rather than moving, Buck grunts and lifts his head to glare groggily at Eddie.

“It’s too early,” Buck grumbles at him, one half of his face is red from being pressed against the pillow and his curls have become a bird’s nest. It’s adorable and endearing and not helpful to Eddie’s distress.

“I have a situation,” Eddie strains out through the embarrassment. No winning now, he can only power through and hope the ground swallows him whole when he finally gets away.

“Situa-” Buck lifts his torso, shifting his weight down and pressing their pelvises together. Eddie hears a whine slip out of his throat. His head tilts back, eyes rolling back hard as he struggles to keep from making this worse by actually cumming. 

The thigh leaves, but Buck doesn’t go far. When Eddie recovers enough to meet his eyes, he looks more confused than spooked.

“Sorry,” Eddie croaks out. He reaches down, trying to tug his boxers back over himself before Buck can glance down to see how bad it is.

“Are you okay? That looks painful,” Buck is growing more concerned the longer it takes Eddie to sort himself out. He’s a good person like that. Buck would probably never get off to his unaware best friend. 

“Look,” Eddie chokes out desperately, “it’s been awhile. I’m sorry.”

Buck seems to be frozen, moving neither forward or backwards. He’s concentrating on Eddie’s face, searching for something that Eddie can’t divine. Eddie’s not sure what he finds, but Buck says, “Why are you freaking out? It’s fine. It’s just me.”

Eddie’s best friend might not be a saint, but in this moment he’s the closest Eddie has ever met. 

“I don't want you to feel uncomfortable!”

Buck has the audacity to laugh at him. 

“Eddie, you might not have met Buck 1.0. but I know you know it takes more than a penis to scare me off.”

Eddie does know that, because it was Buck who helped him bathe after he was shot in the streets of LA. He hadn’t even flinched at the task. Now, Buck’s face is so damn sincere. This is different though. Not just because it’s sexual but Buck was asleep.

“I mean, yeah, but you didn't sign up for me to rub one off on you in your sleep.”

Buck rolls to hold his hands up playfully, like he’s surrendering, “Look man, I don't mind. It’s not like you were doing it on purpose. Plus, you wouldn’t be even close to the worst person to rub one off on me.”

Eddie wants to address the last part, but he’s too caught up on the first, “You don't- mind?”

The other man does his best approximation of a shrug from his side of the bed, “A dick’s a dick and if you don't mind that it's me, I'd honestly be happy to help. Saves me the conversation about how we were expecting to have a sex life while married.”

The shock at this offer is expected, the excitement catches Eddie by surprise. Words are falling from Eddie’s fingers like sand. The sound of shock, a desert wind in his ears, overtakes his mind. “... You don't mind?”

Buck sucks in a breath, harsh and loud in the silence of the moment. 

“Unless,” Buck’s panic is visible in the red rising on his cheeks and the pace of his breath, “oh man I forget other people care about gender. Sorry, I understand you're more concerned about actually being attracted to someone than it being convenient. You don’t have to- I just thought it might be easier-”

He looks so remorseful now, ashamed to have offered this to Eddie. His own husband is ashamed to have offered to satisfy both of their needs together. When Eddie glances down, he can see the flagging bulge of Buck’s own morning wood. Eddie’s cock throbs in his boxers at the sight. 

Maybe it’s delirium or months of emotional blue balls coming uncorked like a champagne bottle or just the way Buck looks so wary. Whatever it is, it compels Eddie to say, “Don’t apologize.”

Sometimes, Buck gets this look in his eyes, like a puppy that’s begging to be rescued from the pound. His face is all sad, hopeful eyes and pouty lips. It was the same look Buck had given him after the grenade in the ambulance, when Eddie had given Buck one compliment and gained a friend for life. Everytime Buck flashes that look at him, Eddie always wants to take him home and wrap him in a blanket with a hot cocoa. 

Buck’s already moving in. He sleeps in Eddie’s bed and parents Eddie’s kid and they’re married. What’s the harm in adding one more aspect to their already entangled relationship? 

“I can see the advantages of it,” Eddie is still laying on his back, too winded- and too hard- to do much else. Buck is looking flushed again, gorgeous if Eddie was the kind of man to admit that. There’s hope though, in his friend’s eyes. Eddie lets that hope carry him forward, “if you actually don’t mind.”

Buck’s silence could be unnerving, but Eddie knows him. He’s just nervous and wants to make sure Eddie isn’t going to regret it. Buck may have a long history of casual sex, but they’re married. Honestly, Eddie has more idea of what this means that Buck does. 

Eddie reaches for him, a hand across their bed to tug him back close. He fits his hand to Buck’s ribs as he says, “Hey, I won’t hold it against you if you decide not to, but we are married.”

He watches Buck’s jaw work, chewing on the problem, enticing like Eddie has never noticed before. He wants to suck a bruise there, suddenly. Buck glances down at Eddie’s situation, making Eddie squirm at the attention, and then looks back up to Eddie’s face. Eventually, Buck says, “Yeah, uh, I- uh, I guess that is what married people do.”

Eddie won’t admit to moving first, but they collide without another word, teeth and tongue and hot skin everywhere. Buck is back on top of him, leg pressed between his own and Eddie is clutching him close. Eddie feels set aflame. Eddie’s mouth makes its way unerringly to that spot on Buck’s jaw, eliciting a moan from Buck that makes Eddie’s toes curl. Their cocks are sliding together, boxers the only barrier and Eddie needs them gone now . 

He’s trying to clutch Buck closer but also shove his hand between them to strip their boxers and why the hell doesn’t Eddie have more than two hands? Buck’s are caressing Eddie’s ribs, utterly occupied with tracing along his sides and pressing his face into Eddie’s hair. Their hips are slipping, their boxers growing damp and Eddie makes the noble sacrifice to let go of Buck with one hand to fumble the fabric out of the way. 

Eddie’s mouth comes loose from Buck’s jaw, but Buck takes over to suck at Eddie’s neck. The younger man is hitting spots Eddie didn’t even know he liked. All of Eddie’s former partners had been more concerned with getting hickies than leaving them so Eddie hadn’t really known having his neck sucked could feel this good. Buck might as well be sucking on a nerve connected straight to Eddie’s dick for how good it feels. 

It’s too much, Buck’s mouth on his neck and his thigh creating pressure between Eddie’s legs and his cock so close to Eddie’s. 

He’d had the thought, just moments ago, that if he felt the press of Buck’s cock against his own he would fall off a cliff. Eddie couldn’t have been more right, because when he finally gets the boxers out of the way and feels Buck for the first time against himself, Eddie falls right over a cliff into an orgasm. If he had the presence of mind, he’d feel embarrassed at how fast he’d cum. Eddie is far too busy with his vision whiting out, muscles seizing and arm clutching at Buck’s back. 

There’s a sensation of floating, as if Eddie has ascended out of his physical body. When he comes to himself, Buck is still laid over him like a vibrating weighted blanket. His whole body is shaking a little and… he’s laughing at Eddie. 

“Are you laughing ?”

Buck snorts because he’s an absolute menace, “I always knew you were kinda pent up but damn.” 

Buck doesn’t intend to be mean, he rarely does and never with Eddie. Besides, Eddie doesn’t even have the wherewithal to be offended. They’re still pressed together, Buck’s dick hard against Eddie’s flagging one, Eddie’s cum a mess over them both. Eddie’s hand is still clutching at Buck’s shoulders and Buck has gone back to sucking at Eddie’s neck. 

“Listen, you little shit,” Eddie snarls out playfully, voice throaty and grating. He feels Buck smirk where his mouth is still pressed to Eddie’s neck. He pulls away to look Eddie in the face, eyes glittering with mirth. Buck just looks so pleased with himself, it gives Eddie an idea.

His hand is already there, so it’s a simple twist of the wrist to grasp Buck in his hand and watch his eyes glaze over. Buck’s breath stutters against Eddie’s cheek when Eddie strokes him gently. It’s a little rough, but there’s enough mess between the two of them for Eddie’s hand to start twisting in earnest. Buck melts against him, face burying into Eddie’s shoulder. There’s a heady power to reducing this strong giant of a man to a needy puddle with a touch. 

When Eddie’s wrist starts to hurt from the angle, he uses his newfound power to roll Buck over until it’s Eddie on top. Eddie gets to his knees to hover over Buck, watching his head throw back into the pillow and feels Buck’s legs curl against Eddie’s sides. 

Eddie loves this, the part where he gets to concentrate on his partner’s pleasure. Always has. He’s delighted in curling his fingers just right, sucking that perfect place, finding the thing that will punch a groan out of the women he slept with. Turns out, that isn’t different now that he’s sharing his bed with a man. It might be better, because he already has so many of Buck’s facial expressions cataloged. Each new gasp is more of Buck that belongs to Eddie now. 

The way Buck’s head throws back. How his flush travels all the way down his chest. The way his body is curling in as the pleasure builds higher. It’s all a symphony of new information for Eddie to hoard. When Buck finally cums, choking out a whine as he grasps tightly at Eddie’s shoulders, Eddie basks in the success. 

Buck’s mouth is hanging open, tempting Eddie as a siren to a sailor. They’ve crossed so many lines already, there’s no stopping Eddie now. 

He leans in to kiss Buck through the aftershocks, cupping his jaw to angle Buck better. Nothing too deep, he wants Buck to come back to himself softly, with the assurance of Eddie’s continued affection. No need for the come down to include Buck’s self esteem. 

Minutes later, Buck is kissing him back. Eddie wants to stay here forever just making out with Buck in the afterglow. It’s soft and sweet, but their cum is drying fast, sticking in uncomfortable places. Buck finally pulls away before Eddie is ready, so Eddie drifts back to Buck’s jaw and rests his weight between Buck’s legs. 

“Eddie, w-” Buck tries, still gasping as Eddie sucks hickies up and down his neck, “we need to shower.”

Eddie doesn’t let go, far too content to move. He could lay here forever, given half a chance. 

“Eddie,” Buck tries again, “we have to pick up Chris.”

Low blow, but Buck wouldn’t be pulling the kid card if he didn’t need to. 

“Fine,” Eddie concedes, “shower.”

“You first?”

Buck looks nervous again, like he doesn’t know that Eddie never wants him to leave. 

“Together,” Eddie says decidedly, Buck can’t catastrophize in the shower if he’s not alone. 

Buck looks pleased again as he replies, “okay.”

Chapter Text

They’re late leaving the house. The last physical barrier keeping the two of them separated in one final way coming down opened so many more doors than Eddie could have anticipated. The moment Buck had dropped to his knees in the shower, all thought of time management had gone out the window along with Eddie's self restraint. 

Anyway, they’re late leaving the house and so they’re even later getting to Pepa’s house. Buck has to park down the street because there are so many cars in the driveway and lining the yard. Eddie half-hopes the flood of relatives will allow him to go relatively unnoticed. He doesn’t want to explain his new marriage to the entire flood of nosy tías. Most notably, his own. Pepa is going to have words for him. 

The front door is propped open, free for relatives to wander in and out as they desire so Eddie and Buck amble in. Sounds of children screaming in joy filter in from the backyard and the smell of food hits them as early as the entryway. It feels like Eddie’s childhood family reunions filled with food and rambunctious children. 

Buck doesn’t seem to get the same nostalgic feeling. He sticks close to Eddie with a mild panic on his face, head swinging to look at the swarm of people they dive into. There are tíos and tías and cousins passing them around rapidly, “congratulations” and “finally”s tripping over each other in haste. Eventually, they’re passed to Pepa and Eddie’s parents, smiles on all their faces. 

He’s still not used to it. Seeing his parents happy for him when he makes a decision, any decision, feels about as real as pink elephants. It’s been so many years since they looked at him with anything other than blank neutrality or blatant disapproval that Eddie can only take their pleasantries as ominous. 

“Hey, honey,” Helena greets him then nods at Buck, “Buck.”

“Hey,” Eddie can hear his own wariness, presumes it will probably set one or both of his parents off, but they just glance at each other without comment. Eddie turns his attention to Pepa, but finds her looking expectantly at him. Her eyes dart down his arm and when Eddie’s own follow, he finds his hand entwined with Buck’s. 

He almost startles. Eddie doesn’t know when he took Buck’s hand. Somewhere in the swirl of relatives? Or when they came through the front door? Has he had hold of Buck since they met at the side of the Jeep before walking in? Does it matter?

No, he decides, it doesn’t really matter. Eddie’s not going to let go of Buck’s hand now that he’s noticed, so why would it matter when he’d taken it to begin with?

Eddie lifts his eyes back to look at their audience defiantly. Pepa meets it with her signature tía branded amusement. 

“So happy you two could finally make it,” she says, teasingly. 

Buck leans forward to brush shoulders with Eddie and reply, “Yeah, we were running late. Sorry I didn’t bring any food, I didn’t actually know there would be so many people here.”

Pepa flaps her hand in dismissal, “Oh, don’t worry. We’re here to celebrate your wedding as much as to see everyone. I wasn’t going to ask you to bring anything to your own celebration.” 

Buck's cheeks burn bright red and Eddie is sure his own blush matches. Ramon actually has the audacity to smirk a little at Eddie. 

“Everyone has been sure to tell us how excited they are that you two finally tied the knot,” his father says, face surprisingly open. He sips at his drink while looking at Eddie with… approval? The man had been so quiet before, at the airport and the courthouse and even the reception. He can’t imagine how they’ve shot past acceptance straight to approval. 

That’s all Ramon says before Helena is reaching out to Buck, “Speaking of food, why don’t you and I go get you two plates.”

Buck shoots Eddie a wide eyed look but follows Eddie’s mother anyway, stumbling a little and catching his shoulder on a door frame as they dodge around people. Eddie sees his mom ask Buck if he’s okay and Buck clearly brushes it off. He does clip door frames a lot, as well as tables, chairs, corners, and everything else in between. 

Eddie keeps his eyes on them as they disappear around the corner before turning back to Pepa and his father. 

A corner of his heart wants to flee. So rarely does he have to talk to Ramon Diaz alone. They’d been doing better, phone calls and facetime before his parents showed up at his door to take his son away. Now, even with their declaration of intent to support Eddie, he’s just not sure what to say to either of his parents. How do you talk to the people who made your greatest fear into a reality? What do you say when they seemingly made leaps and bounds of emotional development without you looking? How are you supposed to trust the heel turn?

Buck is the talker between them. He’s probably already making friends with Eddie’s mother, charming her into undying loyalty. Eddie never seems to know what to say, so instead he falls back on his tía and the manners his abuela instilled in him. 

“Thank you, for the biscochitos you sent,” He directs at the woman, not quite excluding his father but not including him either.

She seems perplexed as she replies, “What?”

“The biscochitos you sent home with Buck when he dropped Chris off? I really appreciated them,” Eddie asserts. It should be an easy conversation to maintain until his partner returns except Pepa has no idea what he’s talking about. 

“I didn’t send you any biscochitos home with him? Did he not make them?” Pepa asks. She glances at Ramon who’s face slackens in recognition. The man has realized something but Eddie is still lost.

He might as well get to the bottom of it. He says, “Wa- Made them?”

Pepa is already nodding her head, looking so certain she’s right, “Sí, you know mama gave him the recipe years ago. I didn’t give them to him so surely he made them himself.”

“Abuela gave him- when was this?” Abuela has already started bestowing the family recipes on Buck. His grandmother, who refused to pass on any of those same recipes to his own mother because she was hopeless in the kitchen. Abuela claimed it would be a disgrace, but Buck already has at least one. 

Did we even need to get married to be family?

“When you were shot, Eddito. He took such good care of you and Chris. Mama wanted to make sure he could feed you properly. I must say, she was the first one to know but she was far from the last to realize the truth of that.” 

Realize what?

Eddie hears his father speak up but he can’t decipher the words. Somewhere in the house, Buck is moving among the Diaz clan. From the backyard, children screech with joy, Chris may be one of them or he may be holed up with the older kids playing video games. A passing cousin pats at Eddie’s shoulder, congratulations slipping easily out. 

His family is celebrating Eddie and Buck without question. They probably don’t even know the backstory of the proposal. They’re just… happy for him.

It’s a lot to take in.

--

The acceptance is what throws him for the loop. Not having sex with a man. Not having sex with Buck, in particular. It’s the acceptance. 

Like everyone has just been waiting for Eddie to tell them. 

As if, everyone had known this thing about him for years. 

He doesn’t worry about having enjoyed his night and morning with Buck. It’s Buck. Bodies are bodies and when someone helps you rub one out, of course you enjoy it. Right? That’s how he’d thought about it right up until the moment that “finally” started to be interspersed with “congratulations” at a near-even pace as the family gathering continued. What is it that they all saw about him? How could he see it, too? 

Buck had, thankfully, taken the wheel of the conversation when he returned. Unfortunately, that gave Eddie a lot of space to contemplate the way no one looked twice when he and Buck joined hands. Could analyze the pleased look on so many faces. When Pepa, in true modern hostess form, facetimed Abuela so she could attend even if she couldn’t fly and Abuela had only said, “We’re just so glad you’re happy, nieto,” his heart started to pick up. 

She meant it, is the thing. He never really doubted that abuela wanted him to be happy and she so clearly wasn’t the only one. 

They’d been worried about Eddie. The whole family is happy he’s doing better. His plate is constantly filled and he’s interrogated about his new spouse with good natured innuendo. His parents actually brag about Buck rescuing Chris from the tsunami. 

It gets Buck some wide eyed looks from everyone, especially the children who filter in and out. Eddie makes his first concerted contribution to tell them all how Buck had saved his life after he was shot, just to watch the way Buck blushes hard at praise. 

There’s so much… love here.

Eddie knew, in the abstract way of people with family who cared but weren’t close, that they loved him in a distant way. 

He’d thought it was distant, at least. But this doesn’t feel abstract. It feels like love, poured directly into his soul. There’s support and care in spades. His family is celebrating him, the decision Eddie made, and the partnership he’s formed. 

Hernando, Eddie’s oldest second cousin, approaches at one point to say, “We were worried about you, man. Glad to see all that therapy helped you figure it out.” He’s so damn sincere when he says it.

That’s throwing him. But not as much as the way they all just seem chill with Buck being a man. There are jokes, suddenly. Tasteful ones from his cousin Maria and her wife about his big strong man when Buck is being used as a jungle gym by the kids who take gymnastics. Less tasteful ones from Jaime about Eddie finally taking the stick out of his ass to fit other things. Luckily Jaime’s wife is there to berate him before Eddie has to figure out what to do with that. 

He’s not sure how he would get anything coherent out when all he can think is I’ve seen his dick and there is no way that’s fitting . 

Not a helpful thought. 

“Wha- I don’t get it. No offense, never seen the appeal of a dick that wasn’t mine, but Eddie deserves to finally get some with someone he actually likes,” Jaime directs to his wife, but catches Eddie’s attention. 

Maria rolls her eyes at him but her reply of, “You don’t have to say it that way,” gets lost in Eddie’s brand new internal crisis. 

The crisis follows him through the party, into the night and back to the truck. Chris is in the back, dozing as Buck drives them home. They’re approaching a 4-way stop in their own neighborhood when Eddie blurts it out.

“You know how we used to talk about-” Eddie pauses, glancing at Buck, “like, it’s normal to check out a guy every now and then, right?”

Buck slowly comes to a halt at a stop sign and takes the chance to look at Eddie. There’s silence for a moment, Buck staring at him in contemplation.

“I’ve been duly informed that it’s not abnormal,” Buck sounds like he’s quoting someone. As if he’s had this same conversation from a different side, “but I was also told… well, apparently that should have been a hint? About me being attracted to guys.”

Oh, so that’s why Buck is staring at him like that. 

“You didn’t wanna maybe bring that up!?” Eddie feels blindsided. Buck and Eddie had these conversations, late at night after Chris went to bed, usually a little tipsy and loose lipped, about the things they kept to themselves. They’d comment on anything and everything, unafraid to share their thoughts with each other. Yeah, that guy who’d stuck a pinecone up his ass had been hilarious. No, little old lady Doreen’s cookies didn’t make up for her calling them out at 4am, they weren’t as good as Bobby’s anyway. Yeah, that guy they helped down from the roof last week had a great ass but Eddie’s was better. 

Buck takes a deep breath, massive shoulders moving with the strength of it. His hands fidget with the steering wheel a moment before he sighs and says, “I’ve been told it’s something you should get to figure out in your own time. And with the way this summer went-”

Right. Buck had only figured out recently that he’s bi. Eddie had blown his life to smithereens so soon after that of course Buck hadn’t wanted to add another thing to his plate. Buck would never add a sexuality crisis on top of everything else Eddie was reckoning with. 

“Yeah, no, that- good call,” Eddie assures him, “but does that.. mean that… I?”

They haven’t moved from the stop sign. In the backseat, Chris lets loose a little snore. It’s not the ideal place to realize you might not be as straight as assumed. It’s also not the worst. Buck has his focus zeroed in on Eddie, ready to provide support at the drop of a hat. Their son is asleep in the back, safe and sound. Eddie’s family has already shown him they support him. He’s already had sex with a man. It’s late, and Buck certainly isn’t going to judge him. 

This is, probably, the softest crisis Eddie’s ever had.

Eddie settles for, “Huh, guess I have one more thing to talk to Frank about.” 

Buck chuckles at him and finally pulls through the intersection. The laughter is quiet, gentle as he says, “Gotta keep Frank in business.”

“Pretty sure he could retire off me alone,” Eddie quips back. 

It feels nice to have this revelation here in this passenger seat. Buck at the wheel and Chris snoring in the backseat. Eddie feels safe, for the first time in a long time. 

--

That night, they get Chris sent off to bed. He’s so sleepy that he hardly protests having to leave his phone in the living room to charge. Eddie hears him run water to brush his teeth and the door shut to his room. Buck takes the bathroom after Chris while Eddie makes sure the house is locked up. 

Going to bed is nice. Buck’s warm body beside him and the quiet hum of the LA suburbs. He sleeps incredibly for a few hours. 

Then he wakes up with a raging hard on and a 6’2” husband clutching at him with a matching boner.

“Buck,” Eddie shakes at Buck lightly. Buck groans, nosing at Eddie’s shoulder and tightening the arm around Eddie’s chest. 

“Buck, we have another situation here,” Eddie laughs, much less awkward than the night before. That’s them all over, never stepping back once they’ve moved forward. They’re married with benefits now, no looking back. 

Buck’s curly head pops up to stare at Eddie in the dark, then down at the “situation” and hum. 

“Oh? Are you hoping for some midnight action?”

Eddie shoves at Buck, not hard but enough to make Buck actually laugh. 

“I can go to the bathroom if you’d rather?” He raises an eyebrow at the younger man, but it’s an offer as much as a joke. If Buck’s too tired, Eddie’s not going to force the issue. 

“No, no. No one said that,” Buck leans in to nose at Eddie’s jaw. His hand is drifting down across Eddie’s stomach to play with the waistband of his boxers. 

“Sounds like you already have an idea?” They both know Buck has more experience than him, both in general and with men. For now, Eddie is happy to follow his lead.

“Well, we have a plethora of options really. If you wanna go back to sleep soon, I can suck you off. Or we could do something a little more… involved. What are your thoughts on fingering?”

A thrill of desire races down Eddie’s spine, his gaze is drawn down to where Buck’s hand is playing with his boxers.

It brings Buck’s hard on into his line of sight. Eddie’s not small, but Buck’s cock is as big as the rest of him and he knows what the next step is after fingering someone open. Hell, Eddie’s pretty sure he couldn’t fit it in his mouth, couldn’t fit all of it anyway. Not the way Buck had opened his throat in the shower early that morning to swallow Eddie down whole.

“I’m not opposed but I don’t think that ,” Eddie gestures at Buck’s dick, “is gonna fit… anywhere.”

Buck laughs, louder this time before he quiets himself again, “Heh, you’re not the first to think that.”

“No, Buck, I really don’t…”

“It doesn’t ever have to go in you anywhere, Eddie. I’m not gonna make you. Besides,” Buck winks at him, boyish smile and mischievous eyes, “I was actually talking about me.” 

Buck rolls them over until Eddie is on his back and Buck can lean over to Eddie’s nightstand. Eddie’s lost for a moment, until Buck pulls open the drawer and riffles through the back. His hand comes out with a string of condoms and Eddie’s nearly expired lube. 

“How the hell-”

“Found em while looking for your phone charger once. Glad to see you haven’t moved them.” Buck rests his weight over Eddie as he drops his spoils beside them on the bed. They’re going to get lost, so Eddie grabs them to put on top of the nightstand instead. In doing so, he misses Buck heading south until there’s a mouth on his stomach. His other hand flies to clutch at Buck’s hair. 

Buck sucks at his skin, nose trailing behind his mouth like an aftershock. He tugs Eddie’s boxers down, mouth not far behind. A tongue runs down Eddie’s hipbone, drawing a wet line straight to Eddie’s dick and then along the underside. If Buck swallows him down again, Eddie isn’t going to last. His hand is still in Buck’s hair, so he uses the leverage to pull Buck back up from where he’s sucking. 

 Buck whines but Eddie keeps tugging until they’re face to face. 

“You keep doing that, I’m not gonna last,” Eddie kisses into Buck’s mouth, “and I hear you have plans.”

Buck’s hands come up to cradle Eddie’s head. He’s straddling Eddie’s waist, hovering just enough that it takes nothing for Eddie to swing them around until Buck is on his back. He has no mental capacity left for bashfulness, instead shoves Buck’s boxers down to get at what he really wants. Eddie bites at Buck’s lip, sucks hard and reaches for the lube.

His hand bumps Buck’s as they both reach at the same time. Eddie wins the battle of wills, shoving Buck’s hand out of the way and biting his lip again.

It gets messy quickly. 

There’s lube everywhere, Eddie losing track of what hand is slick as he pulls Buck’s legs out of the way. He’s rubbing at Buck’s entrance with determination, until he breaches and Buck lets out a moan. He squeezes more lube onto his hand without pulling out. 

Now that he’s here, Eddie may never leave. Buck is moaning and gasping, little “ah, ah, ah”s spilling from his lips. Sounds of the pleasure that Eddie is giving him. It feels like hypnotism, like Eddie’s mind has been taken by storm. He’s caught in a moment, his fingers hooking inside of Buck just right to cause an earthquake of shivers. 

The euphoria on Buck’s face is so strong, Eddie’s other hand makes its way to his cock without conscious thought. He was never going to last anyways. Except with one hand buried in Buck and the other on his own dick, Eddie doesn’t have another hand to dedicate to Buck’s cock where it bounces in front of him. Time to improvise.

Eddie dives face first between Buck’s thighs, his mouth latching around the head of Buck’s cock. He uses the anchor of his fingers inside Buck as a counterpoint to the little bobs of his head. Buck whines above him, fingers grabbing at Eddie’s head and shoulders. He’s gone quiet the way Buck only does when overwhelmed. Eddie would preen, if he wasn’t so busy. It’s not an easy feat to leave Evan Buckley speechless. 

He’s getting frantic, hands unable to move fast enough and he can’t get enough of Buck’s dick in his mouth. Eddie needs to ask Buck how he does it. For all his earlier hesitance, Eddie is a perfectionist and he wants to do this all the way if he does it again. And he will be doing it again. Sex has never felt like this, so overwhelmingly good. He’s not worried about where his arms are or whether his partner is enjoying it. It’s so good and if Eddie can make it feel even better…

Buck lets out a strangled croak and tugs at Eddie as Eddie hooks his fingers and gives one last mighty suck. He refuses to pull off but he’s not quite ready for how fast his mouth floods with cum. He can’t swallow in time, so he lets it dribble out of his mouth. Three more strokes and Eddie is cumming all over the sheets between Buck’s legs. 

His jaw goes slack, but he doesn’t move. His fingers are still inside Buck, lube growing tacky. 

Above him, Buck is still quiet. His eyes are dazed, head lolling as he tries to look down at Eddie. He likes that look on Buck’s face. Being the cause of it feels like an accomplishment. He wants to keep it there. 

“Good?” Eddie can’t help but feel smug. Buck is notoriously experienced, but Eddie Diaz was able to blow his mind in bed. 

“Holy shit,” Buck’s voice is breathy, his whole head moving to follow Eddie as he crawls up to lie next to him. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Don’t be smug, you sucked my brain out through my dick and I can’t be sassy back,” Buck huffs. 

Eddie wraps an arm around him, their usual sleeping position flipped so Eddie is sprawled across Buck. He leans in, pressing a kiss to Buck’s still slack mouth. He knows he should get up, grab something to clean them off, but his legs might be jelly right now so he shucks the boxers down from around his ankles and uses them to wipe them off. 

Buck’s boxers are… somewhere. Eddie can’t be asked to find them. The sheets have all ended up in a heap at the end of the bed, but the bedroom door is locked and the night is hardly cold. It’s a problem for the morning. Right now, he just wants to curl up with Buck and ride out their high. 

–

Three nights later, as evening sets in, they settle into the kitchen to watch Buck cook. Chris sits at the table, Switch in hand playing some puzzle game that Eddie isn’t familiar with. Chris’ phone is out so he can talk to his friends on his airpods as they play together, little color coded avatars bouncing around and getting in each other’s way. Apparently they needed to “work on teamwork” before the sequel came out later that month. 

School would start soon, but Eddie wasn’t going to stop Chris hanging out with the friends he’d been separated from all summer just to watch Buck cook. Personally, though, Eddie liked watching Buck cook. It was a little chaotic, probably louder than it needed to be, but always a fun time. Buck cleaned as he worked, the only reason the kitchen wasn’t a disaster zone by the end of the process. Buck has flour in his hair and he’s burned himself once on the boiling water but for all the chaos, the gnocchi is coming out nice. 

Meanwhile, Eddie is babysitting pots of green beans and buttered carrots

Buck’s arms flex as he spoons out the last of the gnocchi into the pan of hot bubbling butter to brown. He looks pleased. 

At the table, Chris calls out to his friends to stop falling off. 

It feels perfect. A family dinner all together, no one has to leave after, because Buck lives with them now. It’s so… happy. 

Technically, he’s never really had this. Eddie takes a moment to bask in how nice it feels. 

It never really felt like this with Shannon. By the time they got married, it was a shotgun wedding and Eddie was enlisting to pay for their life. Then Chris was diagnosed and the army's insurance would cover them better than anything he could do on his own so he was re-enlisting. Shannon was mad he'd left her alone. Then when he came back, he had PTSD and Shannon resented him so much that when she left it wasn't as surprising as it could have been. 

All that meant he never got to just be with Shannon, happy in the kitchen making dinner while Chris went about his business. They never got to have domestic bliss. 

Here, in their kitchen with Buck and Chris, Eddie thinks he finally understands what it means to be “at ease” with himself. 

--

The week goes on. Chris starts school, delighted to see his friends if not to do math homework again. Horrifyingly, they have to sit him down three days in when Chris asks about taking a girl on a “real date” to have an early version of the talk. Eddie is certain he will never be more grateful to no longer be a single parent than when Buck helps him discuss safe, respectful dating behavior to their 14-year-old. 

They’re gathered in the living room, Chris and Eddie on the couch while Buck sits on the coffee table. If Eddie didn’t know better, he’d swear Buck couldn’t ever sit normally. They leave space around Chris, the oncoming conversation awkward enough without being in each other’s spaces. 

Buck brings an agenda, it keeps them on track while also not diving too deep into the mechanics of things that Eddie prays Chris doesn’t know about. The agenda gets blown out of the water when Chris confirms his knowledge of said things by asking what he should do if he’s “not ready to do more than kiss” and Eddie has sudden flashes of being a grandpa before he’s 40. Buck, the godsend that he is, takes the reins to explain that it’s a serious decision that both parties should be fully on board with. He tells Chris that consent is a two way street, able to change at any time, and that both of them have the mutual right to say “no” at any time. Buck assures Chris that he can talk to them about where he’s at and how to be safe but that he really shouldn’t be worrying about it for his first date ever.

It’s so different from the veiled talk Eddie had gotten at school and the box of condoms he received on his 16th birthday. 

Buck is talking about emotions and consent and briefly going over STDs and Eddie feels so out of his league, it’s crazy. Did Buck research this? Who is Eddie kidding? Of course he did. He’s keeping it light on details, so they’ll probably have to have another one of these. Eddie will need to make sure he gets to read Buck’s research before they go for round 2.

Buck is very seriously explaining what a flesh eating STD looks like at the beginning and Chris looks a little ill. Eddie hopes it’s a good sign that there will be no grandchildren any time soon. His heart couldn’t take it. 

“One last thing, okay?” Buck says, serious as a donovanosis diagnosis, “your partner should never scare you. They shouldn’t ever make you feel unsafe and if they do, I want you to remember that taking care of yourself is more important than hurting their feelings.” 

He turns to Eddie, silently asking if he has anything to add. Chris turns with him, looking to his dad with desperate eyes to end his embarrassment.

“You don’t owe anyone anything just because they say they love you,” Eddie wants to make that one stick. Thinks about Shannon saying they’ll be fine without the condom, citing her birth control. Eddie remembers he’d been hesitant. He hadn’t brought a condom on purpose, not to talk her into it but because they’d been fighting and Eddie wanted to actually talk about it instead of just having sex until they forgot. He knows he’d given in because she said “I love you, let’s just forget about this stupid argument.” While he will never regret Chris, he’s never felt good about that night. 

He needs Chris to expect more for himself. Never wants him to give in just because the other person wants him to. 

“Okay, dad,” Chris sounds exasperated. Pure teen disbelief that they’re still having this conversation even though he was the one who asked questions that set them on this longer version. 

“Okay, just… remember you can talk to us, okay?” Eddie’s feet shuffle beneath him. “I’d rather know and be able to help you. Even if it’s embarrassing for us both.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Chris edges from exasperated to annoyed. They’ve hit the teenage time limit for sincerity, it would seem. Eddie remembers that age. Though, he hadn’t had to put up with nearly as many sincere conversations at 14. His parents had never been the type to check in with their kids like this. They’d pick it back up eventually, but for today, Chris was hopefully prepared for his first date. 

He looks to Buck to make sure they’re on the same page. He gets a nod and they release their kid from his responsible conversation. Chris wastes no time fleeing.

As soon as he’s gone, Buck slaps a hand on Eddie’s knee and says, “I think that went okay. Less traumatizing than when Maddie gave me the talk.”

“Your sister gave you the sex talk?” Eddie slingshots into bafflement.

Buck just raised his eyebrow at Eddie and answered, “You think my parents would have done it?”

Eddie grunts unhappily. Buck claims they’re doing better but he’s keeping careful distance at the same time. Personally, if Buck wasn’t comfortable inviting them to the wedding, then Eddie is happy to never include them in the family again. He’s certainly not going to introduce them to Chris as another set of grandparents. 

“How about yours? More or less traumatizing?” Buck grins at him. 

“Ah, I didn’t really get one from my parents?” Eddie admits. 

Buck snorts hard enough that it sounds like it should hurt, “that explains the unplanned pregnancy.”

Eddie leans forward to shove at Buck. Buck shoves back playfully, and a slap fight quickly develops until they’re falling over each other. Slapping turns to groping and then they’re retreating to their bedroom. Eddie has never been happier for the existence of video games to distract his son.

Chapter Text

Eventually, Chris starts school. He’s excited to see his friends again and takes shameless advantage of Eddie’s guilt to hang out with them at all hours until Buck finally steps in with a pointed look at both of them. It’s nice to have the backup when Eddie feels too guilty to enforce the rules that keep Christopher from pushing boundaries too far. Buck, as the guy who didn’t bring a woman that looked just like Shannon into their home, could still cajole Chris into behaving.

Eddie's pretty sure it's a problem mostly resolved, because Eddie knows he just has to work to earn back his son’s trust. In the meantime, Christopher is a good kid who only needs mild prompting every now and then to do the things he doesn’t want to do. Honestly, Chris is 14 and would probably be pushing boundaries anyway, but it feels a bit like Eddie’s penance to take the brunt of Chris’ sour moods. 

They get lighter, anyway. Chris’ distrust abates as Eddie continues to show up for him and Eddie’s sessions with Frank grow proportionally more productive. Eddie is a man who needs action items and Frank is very good at helping him create roadmaps. 

He and Frank also discuss creating healthy avenues for Chris to express his growing independence. Things like a couple hours alone after school with pizza money and unsupervised outings with friends to approved locations. They'd had a conversation about trusting Chris will follow the new rules about how contact with his grandparents needs to occur. Chris is now solely responsible for his homework being completed on time, so long as failure to do so doesn't become an issue.

The effort has yielded nothing but positive results. 

Anyway, Eddie is trying to make up for his failures. Trying to make up for putting his kid through yet another insane situation. So while he is still the parent he doesn't always feel like he has the trust and authority to check his kid the way he used to. Which makes it incredibly helpful to have Buck around all the time.

It has the added benefit of giving Buck the opportunity to step further into parental responsibility, putting them on more even footing. Buck gets to create those structures that he loves to coordinate for their family and Eddie gets to be the fun parent more often. The balance, new only in the sense that Buck had been worried about overstepping before, is easy. Buck and Eddie fill each other's gaps effortlessly, already so entrenched in each other’s lives that they simply expand a familiar routine. 

Chris, though still reticent, does spend more time in the communal areas with them. Usually with his Switch in hand, but every day he doesn't spend locked in his room is a win in Eddie’s book. Buck has even managed to coax him into video game tournaments again, Eddie happily getting his ass kicked in the virtual world.

It's not perfect, but compared to summer it's practically paradise.

—

They're just sitting down to dinner, fresh lasagna with garlic bread pulled right out of the oven, when the bell rings. A chorus of groans rises from the table but they all race down without actual protest. The whining is part of the ritual, more than actual protest. Even Eddie rolls his eyes in mock disgruntlement. 

They’re running fast, a vehicle collision with a bus hanging off the bridge over the unusually flooded LA river. The 118 will be first on site, so they’ll be securing the bus to the truck before they go in to begin rescues. At least, that’s the plan right up to the moment that they pull up on scene just in time to see the bus tip over into the water. The passengers that have already gotten out are screaming that there are people still on board. 

There’s been a huge rain storm only the day before, flooding the LA river for the first time in months. So on the one hand, the bus falling doesn’t mean they just smash into a pancake at the bottom but it does mean there is a current and the imminent danger of drowning.

Eddie is steps behind Buck and his stupidly long legs, the both of them shedding their turnouts with speed. Buck dives first, perfect form and unafraid. If Eddie had a moment, he’d marvel at the fearlessness from a survivor of the tsunami. 

The water held no power over Buck, after it all. In the months following the worst 2 minutes of Eddie’s life, Eddie knows that Buck’s nightmares had all been about losing Chris. To the ocean or in a crowd or at a bad scene, Buck’s mind had focused more on those hours where he couldn’t find Chris than any threat to his own life. The calls Eddie got, late at night, had been the first piece of the larger puzzle behind Buck’s self-worth issues. 

He doesn't have a moment though, instead he's splashing into the river below. Water envelopes him with a shock as he dives arms first after Buck. 

Eddie hits the water with a rippling shock. LA can not be described as cold, ever, but the difference is still enough to catch your breath if you aren’t braced. The current pulls at him, a rush of water trying to pull him downstream. 

There's a moment, in a water rescue, where you're suspended in time. Before you surface for the first time, anything could be waiting. There are both no victims and infinite victims waiting to be saved from the current. Your skin stings from a high dive and lungs burn from shock. The burn makes coming back up for air that first time feel like the first breath you’ve taken all day. 

They’d gotten onto the topic of water rescues once, deep in the night, when they compared notes about their childhoods or who on B-shift had the best ass. (It was Daniels. His ass was impressive, although they’d both agreed that Eddie’s was ultimately better. The way Hen used to side-eye them during those conversations finally makes sense now that he's had his own little revelation about how straight he isn't.) Eddie had tried to sell Buck on his metaphor only to find Buck’s experience to be completely different. 

Buck’s relationship to water is far and away from Eddie’s own. Eddie had grown up in the desert of Texas, occasionally going to the local YMCA for swimming lessons as a little kid. But growing up, public pools were crowded and his mother always worried about the germs in such an overcrowded place. On the other hand, Buck would go to the community pool constantly to get out of his oppressive childhood home. Where Eddie had gone from one desert to another, Buck had left his mostly landlocked state to head for the ocean. Every time Buck made his way inland, he’d returned to the oceanside in a matter of months. 

Buck loved the feeling of being swept along the current. Thrived in diving under until he no longer heard the world above and reveled in the ache of a held breath. Even being caught in a tsunami hadn’t been able to separate Buck from the ocean for long. Where Eddie savored the feeling of reaching the surface, Buck found peace in being submerged beneath waves. 

The difference means that by the time Eddie gets his bearings underwater, Buck is already at the bus. There’s still air inside but they have seconds before the interior floods. Through the window, Eddie can see five passengers still inside in addition to the driver. They all look a little out of it from the crash but the driver is up and trying to haul people to the emergency exit.

The advantages of a seatbelt, never to be underestimated. 

Two young teen girls are lifting an older woman by the arms, she’ll definitely need help but the guy in the suit looks disoriented. Two people in need of assistance, totally doable. The most concerning, in Eddie’s opinion, is the little kid clinging to the older woman. The boy’s staring up at her with big shocked eyes. Poor kid probably has no idea what’s going on. It’ll be an issue to pull him from his assumed grandmother’s side. 

A glance at each other is all it takes to confirm the plan. The older woman and the kid first, as the highest at risk of complications, then they come back for the man and the driver. Help the teens as needed. It’s a race against time, the logistics of saving the most people a gamble as much as a calculation. 

Buck nods at him, hair plastered to his head and fierce determination in his eyes. A flotation device lands above their heads. It will be tied to a rope leading back up to the bridge. It’ll provide an anchor point to let their survivors hold onto.

Inside, the teen girls gesture at them, trying to convey something with only hand gestures, pointing at the older woman frantically. Unfortunately, all they can do is haul them to relative safety as fast as they can for now. Buck gives them a thumbs up and reaches to pop the emergency exit open, allowing the water to flood in faster so he can grab the older woman.

The girls push the kid and his grandma towards them, Eddie wraps an arm around the kid quickly and without pause starts swimming to the surface. Tiny hands grasp at him, small arms squeezing at Eddie’s airway. Breaking the surface he swings his head around to reorient himself and side-swim them to the long flotation device. He hears Buck and the grandma surface not far behind him and then a slight delay before two more people surface. Buck shouts to them to follow him.

Eddie lets Buck get the grandma to hold on first, then passes the kid to her. Better to have the woman hold onto him than risk the kid’s strength giving up. Moments later, the teen girls have their hands twisted in the ropes and Buck and Eddie dive. 

The driver and the guy in the suit have managed to exit the bus but they’re both flailing in the way that says they don’t know which way is up. Buck makes a grab for the driver, so Eddie snags a hand into suit guy's jacket to reel him in and kicks hard for the surface. 

Meeting air is a relief, in just a moment they’ll have all of the patients safely monitored for rescue. Soon enough, they will hand all of these people off to the paramedics and Eddie will get to tuck in next to Buck for warmth in the truck while they’re both dripping wet. Cap will have hot coffee and a warm snack ready when they get cleaned up back at the station. People rescued, day saved, treats earned.

It’s all looking good, right until he registers the wailing. A single glance tells him the problem. The girls, looking less like teens and more like drowned rats, have a grip on the older woman who is unconscious and the boy is gone. Eddie can’t let go of his own rescue, so he has no choice but to watch as Buck, so much faster than him against the current, gets the driver a handhold on the float and dives without a word. 

Asshole.

With Buck gone, Eddie has no choice but to stay with the victims here and try to wake the elderly woman. He can’t go diving after Buck into the current, just has to trust that Buck can save the kid and take care of himself. 

Realistically, this isn’t a big ask. Buck is a more than capable firefighter. He’s their de facto water rescue for a reason and he’s gotten himself out of much harrier situations. Buck is a capable grown man. Yet, no one ever said fear or worry were rational. Buck could be wrapped in bubble wrap and Eddie would worry he might suffocate from the plastic. 

Buck disappears from sight, but Eddie can’t concentrate on that when he’s trying to grab the basket their team is lowering so they can pull up the unconscious patient. The girls, all of 15 and still incredibly brave, hold the woman close so she doesn't get lost to the water while he secures her. By the time they've gotten her lifted up to medical care, the 136 is pulling up. Water rescue is a specialty of the whole house given how close they are to the pier, and they begin pulling out an inflatable boat to come get them with. 

He has no way to know if Buck is okay, only a scraping anxiety in the back of his mind and the unmatched focus of lives depending on him. In about a minute, Lena Bosko is steering an inflatable boat towards them with two other firefighters inside to help lift everyone in. 

Lifting the remaining survivors is easy enough with the help of the firefighters on the boat. They get the suited man first, his head bleeding sluggishly and pupils uneven in a clear concussion. He was probably thrown around when the collision happened. Eddie makes sure the girls go next. They might be the most uninjured but they were also young, 15 at most. The driver is happy to let them and then be pulled up himself, wincing with some obviously bruised ribs. Eddie is last, drenched and anxious. 

They’re all shuffled to shore, dripping wet and unimpressed. Eddie himself scans the shoreline constantly as soon as he’s handed them off. 

Lena is the one who claps him on the back before he can get out of the boat and says, “Where’s your boy?”

“Downstream. A kid, maybe 5-6, got washed away and Buck went after him.” 

Eddie tries to move then, to get out and start trekking down the bank in an attempt to find Buck, but Lena’s grip tightens and it takes all of the restraint in his body not to yank himself away. 

“Are you okay?” 

Eddie grits his teeth and spits out, “I’m fine. In fact, I’ll be great when I find my partner.”

Lena’s hand slips off of him as he finally hops over the edge of the boat to start charging down the bank. 

He makes it all of 5 feet before someone else is blocking his way, a paramedic looking to check on him. 

Eddie bites out, “I’m fine,” but comes up short when he sees who’s walking up the bank. 

It’s Buck, the kid perched on his hip and both of them already laughing. The relief is so heady that Eddie can’t bring himself to move. 

Because yeah, logically Buck would be fine. The only person they would need to be worried about was the kid. 

Hearts aren’t sensible though, and Eddie’s had stuttered from the moment Buck disappeared right up to the second he was there again, laughing down the shore with a bright smile. 

Buck ambles up, all the time in the world before handing the kid off to a paramedic with a few words and then sliding up to Eddie’s side. He’s perfectly at ease as he bumps into Eddie’s side, sure of his welcome. As he should be, if you ask Eddie. Buck should always know that he is welcome in Eddie’s space. Has been for nearly as long as they’ve known each other. 

They’re both equally soaked, so Eddie only pretends to be annoyed when Buck shakes his head like a dog just to be annoying. Instead, he just flicks water off his hands into Buck’s surprised face. 

The anxiety of being separated abates quickly, with Buck purposefully bumping into him and whispering jokes in his ear. His best friend is right beside him. More than that, his husband is doing that thing where he tries to annoy Eddie out of his own head. Jokes on him, because it’s not annoying when he’s just grateful to have Buck by his side. 

Within the hour, they’re back in the truck. Banished to sit next to each other, like it’s a hardship, so they won’t get anyone else wet. Usually, they sit opposite each other, so Eddie can watch Buck’s face as he expounds upon whatever has caught his attention recently, but being pressed together from shoulder to ankle is no burden. Hen is keeping an eye on them, but mostly enjoying Buck’s latest Ted Talk on fat bear week. 

Honestly, it’s a good rest of shift. They get showered and dried off, consume their coffee, and let the shift run out in relative peace. 

—

Things go to shit when they get home. Apparently, a clip of the two of them diving into the water after the bus has gone locally viral enough that Chris was shown it at school by a friend. 

They hardly get in the door before Christopher is yelling, face red from the strain and fist balled up uselessly at his sides. Their kid is literally trembling with how much emotion he’s feeling. He’s sat on the couch, glaring up at them with held tears and righteous fury in his eyes. 

“You could have died!”

It’s not true, any more than it always is. For all the drama of the rescue, they hadn’t been in that much danger themselves. The passengers had been the ones in danger from the combination of being injured already and ending up in the water. Buck had swum through a tsunami once, he could handle the LA river. None of that felt relevant. Christopher is clearly having some kind of crisis and Eddie knows from experience that facts can not talk down true panic. 

“Chris, we’re right here. It’s okay.” Buck tries, but gets quickly brushed off.

“But you could have died! You could both be dead and then I’d be all alone!” Chris spits it out, voice cracking. 

Ouch.

“Bud, I-” Eddie starts but he’s cut off.

Chris screams “I hate you!” voice going shrill as it cracks harder. There is all the teenage vehemence that Eddie remembers having himself, loaded into an arrow fired straight through Eddie’s own heart. Because Eddie has sworn to himself he wouldn’t be that dad. He promised himself that he would not be the kind of dad that makes their kid hate them. He’d resented his own parents so much that he spent concerted effort to be nothing like them.

Buck puts a hand out to steady Eddie. The warmth of a palm on his shoulder acting as a counterweight to the ice forming in his chest. 

“Chris,” Buck starts, tone disappointed with Chris for the first time Eddie has ever heard, “I know you’re mad but you can’t talk to your dad like that.”

The retort is instant, a ferociously angry, “Why do you care? You’re not really my dad, anyway! You’re just gonna leave when you get bored of us!”

Distantly, Eddie can see that Buck’s face is the picture of devastation, but he can’t do anything about it for the roaring in his own ears. This is the nightmare that has haunted him since Chris walked out the door with his grandparents. Chris truly hating him was the one thing he knew he couldn’t survive. Only the hope of redeeming himself kept him going with his son gone. 

Chris storms off, point made and crutches slamming into the ground for added emphasis. Eddie has gone so numb that he can’t feel if Buck’s hand is still on his shoulder. He feels like he’s back under the water, hearing muffled and unable to breath. When he finally sucks in some air, it’s shaky and catches in his throat. 

He doesn’t want to cry. Eddie remembers being a teen and standing up for himself just to hear his Mother’s sobbing after for so long that he felt too guilty to do anything but apologize. Later, as an adult, he’d started to realize that she did it on purpose. The clarity of adulthood letting him see just how fast she stopped crying and how pleased she looked after. 

Frank said it was a manipulation tactic. Eddie never wants to be the kind of parent who implements emotional manipulation to win a fight with his child. Hell, he isn’t the kind of parent who even wants to “win” a fight rather than work with his kid on fixing the issue. 

So, he can’t stop the tears but he can stop the sob from leaving his throat. He can be quiet as the pain overtakes him, at least. Inconspicuous in his suffering. 

Except he’s not alone. He’s never alone anymore because Buck is wrapping arms around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him into a hug. Eddie tucks his face into Buck’s neck, hoping to muffle any sounds that escape. Buck’s hand is splayed across Eddie’s back and his chest presses into Eddie’s in a guiding breath. 

They just…. stand there for a while. Buck slowly rocking them side to side as Eddie cries his eyes out as silently as he can manage. Eddie hides in the safe haven of Buck’s hug until the emotions subside. Soaking in the reassurance that even if Chris hates him, he still has Buck.

Eventually, they move to the kitchen. Buck sits him down in a chair while he goes to grab water. The seconds of lost contact are almost overwhelming. Eddie feels his eyes well up against all odds until Buck is back in the chair beside him. Without thought, Eddie grabs for Buck’s hand, tangling his left into Buck’s right. The inconvenience of giving up both their dominant hands paling to the comfort of holding onto each other. 

The kitchen light is dim above them. The fridge hums softly behind Eddie’s back, creating a soft ambient sound befitting the somber atmosphere. 

Buck bravely breaks the silence, voice a soft whisper as he says, “He doesn’t actually hate you.”

And yeah, usually he might be right. The “I hate you” line is practically cliche for teens to shout at their parents. Except those parents hadn’t just gotten their kid home from literally fleeing the state over a fuck up the parent had made. Those parents don’t remember their own parents begging them not to drag their kid down with them. 

Eddie knows, somewhere in the anxiousness that causes Frank to frown at him in therapy, that the first sign would be Chris hating him. The boy is smart. Surely, Chris would recognize Eddie was pulling him beneath the waves with his own sinking ship. 

“What if he does?” The words sound pitiful to his own ears, but Eddie is too scraped raw to hide this.

“He doesn’t,” Buck is firm, “and he will be apologizing to you later. Once we’ve all cooled off, we can talk about what the real problem was.”

Eddie takes a deep breath, meeting Buck’s eyes to try and borrow some of his surety. He wants to go to sleep. To hide inside their bedroom where it can be him and Buck together with no world to face. 

“I am sorry.”

The voice from the doorway startles them both. Eddie spins around to find Christopher standing, chin pressed to his chest and shoulders hunched in remorse. 

Eddie knows his eyes are still red from the tears. He doesn’t want Chris to see it and feel unduly guilty but if the kid is ready to talk, he’s not just going to send him to his room either. 

Chris glances up, fixing his eyes on Eddie’s face first before sliding to look at Buck. Eddie doesn’t know what he sees there, but he sounds even more guilty when he adds, “I don’t hate you. I was just mad.”

Eddie can’t resist, he sticks a hand out in offering and his heart picks up as Chris stumbles forward to crash into Eddie’s side for a hug. Tears threaten to return once more, but Eddie staves them off. 

“Thank you for apologizing,” Eddie whispers into Chris’ curls. The room feels fragile, like anything more than a whisper would shatter them back into a screaming match. “I think you have something to say to Buck, too?”

Chris grunts, head swinging around to look at Buck remorsefully, “I’m sorry I said you’re not my dad.”

Buck nods, oddly quiet. His hand is still locked with Eddie’s, but he gestures with the other and says, “You wanna talk about it now or later?”

With a hum, Chris looks from Buck to Eddie. He’s still leaning into Eddie’s side, a rarity in the new world of teendom. Christopher has always been an independent kid, but it had elevated in his preteen years until he squirmed away from most affection. They were lucky to get a side hug most days. 

Eddie and Buck wait Chris out. Given how raw Eddie is feeling, it might be best to wait until morning, when they’ve all had sleep to smooth over some of their hurt feelings, but then who says they’ll be able to really sleep with all the tension. 

“I was really scared when I saw the video,” Chris begins, “cause if both of you get hurt, then I’ll be all alone.”

Eddie doesn’t pay Dr. Lin enough. Eddie would never have been able to admit he was scared at 14, too caught up in being the man of the house and the machismo expected from the world around him. 

“It’s okay that you were scared, I always want to talk about what we can do to help with that,” Eddie sighs, knowing the next part is going to be hard, “but you can't talk to us like that. You understand that, right?”

It sucks, but Buck had been included in the casualties and Eddie would stand up for him, if not himself. Besides, it was true. They couldn’t set the precedent that it was acceptable to verbally lash out like that just because he was angry. 

Chris says a quiet, “Yeah,” but otherwise stays as quiet as Eddie is. 

“Good,” Buck finally adds, “now, can I ask what happened?”

Chris leans against Eddie harder. It’s strange, to be sitting in a chair and have his son be taller standing. Just last year this arrangement had made their eyelines even. The kid was going to be tall, no denying that. Now, when Chris leaned in, his head settled against the top of his dad’s head. 

“I saw-” Chris hesitates, “Anthony at school thought it was cool.”

He lingers, really mulling over what he has to say, “but it was both of you, doing something dangerous. Again.”

Eddie hears Buck suck in a breath but he can’t look away from the sliver of Chris’ face he can see from where they are pressed together.

“I’m sorry that scared you, but we both went so we could have each other’s backs. We’re safer as a team. You know that right?”

“I guess,” Chris concedes, “but I just… I don’t like that it’s both of you.”

Eddie sighs, knowing that it’s a bit of an impasse. They’re safer working together, but they’re also more likely to die together that way. It's a dangerous job but Eddie’s also, provably, more stable in a job he’s passionate about.

“Can you quit?” Chris asks, pulling away to look at Eddie seriously. 

A month ago, he would have said yes. A month ago, he also hadn’t been talking to Frank about how his own mental health is a foundation for Christopher’s. Secure your own mask first so you’re able to secure other’s and all that. 

“No,” Chris’ face twists as Eddie plows forward, “but we can talk about what made you so upset and see if there’s anything we can do to help going forward.”

“You quit last time I was worried!”

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes in, “and it was a mistake.” 

He’s never admitted that after he got back, not really. Sure, the break had given him space to work out some of his issues but he’d been miserable doing it. This time, going to therapy was still hard but not like before. Some of that could be down to the work he already put in but what felt truly different is his ability to connect with his support network every single day. Buck was never far away after Eddie’s breakdown but this time he can also listen to Hen’s hysterical laughter after a call where someone had stuck something inadvisable up their ass and tease Chimney about what a girl dad he is. He can watch Buck grin unrepentantly at Bobby as the older man shivers at whatever bug Buck has pulled out of somewhere horrific. Eddie can bring his problems to the team to talk them out and get reassurance. 

Eddie, for all he was quieter than some of his friends, was a person recharged by the company of others. It’s why Frank had advised him to search for more social opportunities. The advice leading him to join the firefighter basketball meet up and agree to occasional secret poker games. 

“You helped me realize that. Maybe I’m better for having taken a break but…. Being safe and being happy aren’t always the same thing. Sometimes, you have to do what you love and just be as safe as you can be doing it.”

Chris is visibly unhappy with this conclusion but says nothing to protest. It’s something they can talk about with his therapist.

“I know that might not be the answer you were hoping for,” Buck re-enters the conversation. Eddie absently notes that his eyes are still watery, probably because Eddie hadn’t been the only one Chris hurled hurtful words at. They can’t leave without resolving that. Buck continues, unaware of the resolve filling Eddie’s focus, “but just because your dad isn’t going to quit, doesn’t mean we can’t do other things to help you feel better about our jobs. For example, it would probably have helped you feel less nervous if we’d called you after school, yeah?”

Chris’ shoulders relax against his own. Beneath the table, Buck’s foot tangles between his own, hooking their ankles together. On the table, their hands are still clasped. 

“Yeah,” Chris answers, “That would have been nice. I would have known you guys were okay before Carla left.”

That was probably another thing that hadn’t helped. With Chris getting older and Eddie trying to display trust in his teenager, Carla had cut her hours with him back as he became more and more independent. She still picked him up from school and stayed overnight with him when necessary, but when Eddie was supposed to be home before evening, they’d agreed that Chris was old enough to take care of himself for a few hours alone. Chris has enjoyed the independence and display of trust for the past several weeks but today it had just let him stew alone in his anxieties. 

“Well then, we can reinstate after school calls. And if you need to call us, you know that we will always call back asap if we don’t answer immediately,” Buck says. 

“You can also text us, then we can answer you in the truck, too,” Eddie adds. 

Chris nods, finally looking somewhat appeased. The night is still early, but Chris yawns anyway. Tired from an emotionally taxing day, no doubt. Chris goes to pull away, but Eddie catches him with his arm. They aren’t done, and he’s not going to let Buck come away as the only one who didn’t get any resolution. 

“I think there’s something else you need to say to Buck,” Eddie’s look is pointed. It’s actually not reassuring to see both Chris and Buck look a little lost at the prompting, so he clarifies, “You said Buck was going to leave us ‘when he got bored.’ And your apology earlier was missing something.”

Chris looks stricken, head tilting back down so he doesn’t have to meet Buck’s eyes. For his part, Buck is near tears. Eddie knows him though, and if they didn’t resolve this with everything else, then Buck would take the accusations to heart. Better to talk it out now. 

“I’m sorry,” Chris repeats but doesn’t add anything. Alarm bells flare in Eddie’s head as his kid stops there, not taking back anything he’d said. 

“Christopher-”

“Chris, you know that isn’t true, right?” Buck tries to reassure, but his tone is pleading. Like he’s begging Chris to throw his hands up and say ‘April fools’ despite being in the middle of September. He’s doing an admirable job of keeping his voice steady as he says, “I’m not going to get bored of you guys and I’m certainly not going to leave you if I have any say in it.”

Chris is still refusing to look at Buck. He’s clammed up, jaw only unclenching to yawn again. It’s horrible, to watch the reluctance in Chris’ shoulders cause horror to fall across Buck’s face. 

“I-I’m not-” Buck tries to continue. His voice fades at the end, unable to string together an answer. A train wreck has begun before Eddie’s eyes and he has no clue how to stop it. 

Finally, Chris looks up and whispers an unconvincing, “I know.”

It’s an unsatisfying ending, but when Chris yawns again (looking a little forced but Eddie wants the out too much to call him on it) he tells Chris to go get ready for bed. 

At 14, Chris no longer needs nor wants anyone to tuck him in. He’s even started to catch Eddie checking on him after bedtime. For this moment, that means Eddie can let Chris head off without too much worry. He uses his grip on Buck’s hand to keep him close. That hadn’t been the resolution he’d been hoping for when he asked Chris to address his words toward Buck. 

“Hey,” Eddie squeezes Buck’s hand, tugging it towards himself and catching the other man’s ankle between his own so he can’t pull away, “I know you’re not going anywhere. As long as you’re here, we can work on whatever is going on with Chris. I’m sure Dr. Lin can help us get to the bottom of all this.”

Buck gives him a weak smile, but leans forward into Eddie’s space anyway. 

“Thanks, you didn’t have to-” Buck begins. Eddie knows it’s going to be some self-deprecating nonsense, so he doesn’t bother to let Buck finish. 

“I did have to,” Eddie interrupts firmly, “I know he was upset, but you didn’t deserve that. We’ll work on whatever that was but I need you to know that I know you aren’t going anywhere.”

The smile gets a little more genuine, but Buck doesn’t follow him to check on Chris before going to bed. Instead taking the rounds to make sure all the doors and windows are locked. In bed, as they go to sleep, Buck reaches out to hold his hand. 

—

“Ah, the dreaded ‘I hate you’. A teen's right of passage.” Hen chuckles but she also pats him on the shoulder in comfort. They're all milling around the table, Eddie bemoaning his problems with Buck somberly mulling at his side as the others hover around waiting for the omelet’s Cap is cooking up for breakfast.

“He was really going for the prize, ‘I hate you’ and ‘you’re not my dad' in the same tantrum. Got yourself some interesting teen years coming up,” Chimney says from his place standing behind where Buck is sitting, both hands braced on Buck’s shoulders. 

“We were doing so well!” Eddie exclaims, “At least, I thought we were.”

Buck is still unusually silent, Chris’ accusations having cut to the quick. He'd been perfunctory on the school run and even walking into the station hadn't loosened the tight look of his shoulders. Chimney, with surprising subtlety, starts using his grip to loosen some of that tension.

Hen hums, head tilted back in thought. A great sign really, Hen’s ideas are usually the way to go. 

“Maybe what Chris needs,” Hen pauses to survey them, “is some time with other kids that get it.”

Bobby pauses in cracking another egg to eye her knowingly, “I don't think we're quite up to hosting, yet.”

Hen waves a hand at him, already steps ahead, “They're all welcome at ours. It's been a while since we hosted kids night anyway. Didn't feel right until Mara could join.”

She shoots a grateful look at Chimney, who grins back and says, “We miss her everyday but we're also glad she's home.”

Hen’s grin takes on a teasing quality, “that sounds like a volunteer to help.” 

Chimney squawks but his protest is transparent at best. 

Bobby grins at their antics, “I'll tell Harry and ask May if she wants to join.”

Hen shoves Chimney's protesting face away with her palm and says, “the boys will be thrilled. I know Denny and Chris think Harry is ‘the coolest’.” 

Just like that, Eddie's support system helps bring together another one for his son. It's a good idea to let Chris talk about his stress with others who really understand. It's the exact same thing that Eddie is doing right now. 

“Meanwhile,” Hen pokes Buck, drawing him out of his shell a little, “the newlyweds can have a date night. Relax a little.”

She probably means it as a joke, but as Eddie really considers it he likes that idea, too. Date night. He and Buck are married and sleeping together, they could have a lot of fun on a date night. Maybe talk a little about how hurt Buck was by Chris’ jabs and how glad Eddie is to have him by his side. 

Date night sounds great. 

Chapter Text

As soon as the door to the Wilson home opens, Chris is shooting forward, aiming unerringly for the sound of Harry and Denny playing a video game in the living room. His backpack, strapped tight to his back so it couldn't throw him off balance, is stuffed with overnight clothes and his Switch. 

Hen gives Chris a little hello, but takes the teen’s absent reply with grace. Instead, she narrows in on Eddie and Buck, eying their button downs and slacks knowingly.

“Going out for date night, huh?” Hen’s tone is a clear tease. Her eyes are gleaming with potential teasing and her tone prodding as she adds, “Where you guys headed?”

She’s got a smug look on her face that makes Eddie’s hackles raise in anticipation of teasing. He knows what it’s going to look like.

“No idea,” Buck smoothly answers, “Eddie insisted on a surprise.”

Hen raises a brow at him. Her expression makes Eddie feel exposed. 

Eddie swallows around a nervous lump, “I like to know what’s going on.”

Beside him, Buck interjects, “And I appreciate a good surprise so it works out.”

He feels judged, lovingly judged because Hen is still his friend, but judged nonetheless, “It’s nothing crazy. Just dinner.”

Hen chuckles, warm and fond. They’ll hear about this tomorrow at the station, undoubtedly. For now, they say their goodbyes and head out, Eddie craning his neck to catch a glimpse of Christopher in the living room. Buck walks ahead, no worry that Eddie will follow him to the car. They’re in Eddie’s truck, but Buck holds the door open for Eddie to climb into the passenger seat. Eddie gets the feeling that the entire date will be a battle of chivalry.

It’s a quiet ride to the restaurant. The entire time, Eddie is bracing himself to perform on his first date since Marisol. He hasn’t come up with appropriate date conversation yet. It feels silly, to be nervous to talk to Buck but he isn’t just hanging out with his best friend. He’s taking his husband on a date. A platonic date. That will probably end in sex. 

Truly, Eddie has ended up in the strangest friends with benefits arrangement to date. 

His thoughts are interrupted before they can finish when the GPS announces their arrival at the restaurant. A nice local place with soft lighting and respectable distance between tables. It wasn’t one of their usual dinner places, but that was the whole point. Eddie wants the night to be special, wants to make Buck feel special. 

Buck glances at Eddie in amusement when they both go to race for the other’s car door and end up meeting at the back of the truck. Eddie is torn between darting for the restaurant door and how impolite it would be to sprint away from his date. He settles on darting out at the last minute, fending off Buck’s ridiculously long limbs so he can hold the door himself. 

The move makes Buck laugh and the sound feels like a victory. 

Eddie called the day they set up their sleepover plan with Hen to make a reservation, so there’s no wait before the hostess walks them to a table at the back of the room. A polite handing over of the wine menu and some courtesies later, they are alone at their table with no buffer. 

Eddie never figured out a good date conversation.

He’s frozen, caught in a nexus of anxiety, staring at the menu but seeing none of the words when Buck speaks up. 

“So…” Buck begins. Eddie’s head snaps up without a conscious decision. Buck is better at dating, he’s had way more practice at it. Surely he has some appropriate date conversation for them. Eddie can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel before Buck dashes his hope by continuing, “You’re being awfully quiet.”

There’s a lump forming in Eddie’s throat. The last time Eddie had been on a date it was with a woman who wasn’t his girlfriend, trying to recreate his time spent with his dead wife. Now, he was on a date with his bestfriendhusbandfriendwithbenefits and Eddie can’t fuck this up. He’s not sure the universe will give him another chance if he does. Chris almost certainly won’t.

But…

Buck is the one sitting across the table. Buck who has spent the last six years showing up for Eddie. His best friend who had pulled him out of the black hole of his breakdown two years ago and helped him patch the plaster of his bedroom walls without judgment. His partner, who had never made Eddie feel like his problems were a burden. 

They’re a team, and teammates help each other so Eddie quietly admits, “I- okay, I’m nervous.”

Buck’s head cocks like a dog hearing something interesting. His eyes, so rarely focused on any one person long enough to feel analyzed, pierce through Eddie as if to look into his soul. Whatever Buck sees, he doesn't share as he says, “Anything I can do?”

Eddie swallows past a lump in his throat, “I just… dates, you know?”

“Still feel like you need to ‘perform’ on dates?” Buck says with a softness in his voice. 

It’s been years since Eddie admitted that particular hang up to the others at the station. Remembers spotting Buck and Hen making significant eye contact and not understanding what it meant. He thinks, now, that he might understand it better now that he knows how he feels about men. Nothing like everyone in your life being unsurprised that you married a man with no further explanation to set your life into perspective. 

“Yeah.”

The waitress takes her moment to approach, uniform crisp and smile professionally affable. 

“Hello gentlemen, is tonight a special occasion?” she asks, she has no name tag because the place is too fancy for it but she also doesn’t offer her name up. Eddie feels awkward but she doesn’t owe them her name so he focuses on the menu she hands them instead and lets Buck answer.

“First official date.” Eddie knows his blush is visible even from behind the menu. 

Buck, with all the charm of a man confident in his own skin, leads the waitress through a polite back and forth about their wine choice. The waitress hums and upsells them politely before taking their decision and leaving them to contemplate the menu. 

Eddie is still hiding in his menu, having given the barest of input on wine choice when Buck reaches out to tug the menu down. “Hey, it’s just me.” 

In almost any other circumstance, that would be enough. Eddie has never met a person he finds easier to spend time with than Buck. That’s why their lives had become so entangled even before marriage. Except, Eddie has a poor track record with dating. Hell, he doesn’t have a very good one with marriage either. “Yeah, it’s you, my actual husband.”

The other man leans back in his chair, button up stretching distractingly across his chest. Three months ago, Eddie would still have been distracted by it, but he wouldn’t have understood why. Buck’s blue eyes are focused and his mouth firms into a line. That same distracted corner of Eddie’s mind wants to kiss the expression away and maybe distract Buck in the process. 

The level of kissing it would take to distract Buck from Eddie’s nervousness would be inappropriate for public consumption though. His husband had always been like a dog with a bone when it came to Eddie’s issues. Buck would support him through his problems if the man had to force it. As sweet as it is frustrating. 

 Eventually, Buck settles on, “…and that makes it worse?”

It does. Everything that Buck means to Eddie makes the potential of fucking it up so much worse. “Last time I was married, well, you know how bad that went.”

Buck visibly deflates a little. His big shoulders slumping under the weight of Eddie’s hang ups. They’ve just sat down and Eddie is already ruining their night. 

Buck sighs out Eddie’s name so softly, like he’s devastated and Eddie can not stand for it to be ruined. 

It’s not unlike a geyser, the pressure building up until Eddie’s messy emotions shoot out to splatter all around him, “I know it’s not really the same, I mean we’re not married like that but I still… I have a bad history with dating in general and I just don’t want to-”

Buck’s face has closed off the way Frank’s does when he’s trying not to let his own reaction interfere with Eddie’s ability to process. His tone is measured as he finishes Eddie’s sentence with, “Mess this up?”

“… yeah.”

That’s… really the central issue. No matter what, Eddie can’t mess this up by being a bad date or inconsiderate or too bossy or any number of things Shannon had accused him of being right up to the day she left for California. He and Frank may be working on accepting that the breakdown of his marriage wasn’t entirely his fault, but Eddie was not absolved of guilt. He’d been a bad partner to more than one woman in his life. If this was Eddie’s last chance to keep his family, he had to be better. 

“I know that you know I’m going anywhere,” Buck says decisively. 

“I do know that,” because that is not something Eddie has really questioned since that one awful fall after the tsunami. Even then, the whole issue had been about Buck fighting to get back to them, even if they hadn’t really approved of the method he chose. 

Buck leans back in, eyes captivating under the restaurant's mood lighting, and asks, “Then why would you have to pretend to be someone else to keep me around?”

And Eddie… has no answer for that. 

“But if I mess up-“

“Then we work it out together,” Buck interrupts easily, “Just like we always do when either of us mess up.”

It can’t be that simple. Dates are when you have to put on your best behavior, make the other person feel special so they know you’re worth their time. The whole point is to sell yourself to a potential partner. You take her to a nice restaurant, engage in polite conversation, and pay for the meal at the end to show you can provide for her. Dates are an audition and a chance to prove your worth as a man.

Ramon’s voice is the one that echoes through Eddie’s head, full of dated idealism and stereotypes Eddie doesn’t even believe in. 

He feels a one-two punch of realization. Eddie has been chasing his father’s idea of a relationship the entire time. It’s the same school of thought that had chased him all the way to Afghanistan, insistent that he had to provide while his wife took care of their kid. It hadn’t worked for him then, the attempt at mirroring his own parent’s relationship had only chased Shannon away. Why the hell would it work for him now?

Across the table, Buck waits for him. His body open and face clear of any judgment. It’s the same way he’d waited for Eddie to open up about Kim that night in Eddie’s kitchen. The same patience that Buck had used to pull Eddie from his bedroom floor after Eddie took a baseball bat to his walls. 

“How are you always so patient when I’m having a crisis?” Eddie asks, because anything else would be too much right now. 

“I learned it from Maddie,” Buck replies with a cheeky grin. 

Eddie scoffs, but he can see it. The Buckley siblings may not look much alike, but their similarities were undeniable. 

It has been pointed out to him before that Eddie is bad at dating. Buck had been the one to tease him about it, even. Buck, on the other hand, had charmed many a date into a good time. Eddie had gone to Buck when he needed advice about Christopher dating because he was plain and simple more experienced. 

So if what Eddie thought he needed to do on a date was wrong, Buck’s idea of not putting on a front is at least worth trying. 

Buck’s hand landing on his own startles Eddie up from where he was staring down at the table. 

“Hey,” Buck starts when he has Eddie’s attention, “I happen to actually like you. It’s why we’re best friends. Wouldn’t have agreed to marry you if I didn’t.” 

His face is all mirth and a boyish cheer that makes him look so young plastered across his face. He’s right and he knows it. Smug bastard. 

Eddie physically feels the tension in his shoulders ease. This is not a make or break evening. It’s just… two best friends spending time together, like they’ve done a million times before. It’s a date but even better because it’s an evening spent with Buck. 

He’s still reconciling the revelation when the waitress returns with the wine. It takes all of 30 seconds for wine to splash on Buck’s nice new shirt and rather than the gentlemanly concern Eddie would have forced just five minutes ago, Eddie laughs. 

Eddie laughs because it’s Buck and of course his nice clothes wouldn’t survive the night intact. 

He laughs and Buck’s face lights up in joy. 

“There you are,” Buck murmurs, quietly beneath the waitresses' suddenly distressed retreat to find club soda, “you’ve been way too polite to me lately. Thought you’d been replaced with a pod person.”

And Eddie laughs a little harder and spits out, “How’d Chimney manage to make you watch Invasion of the Body Snatchers?”

“Oh man,” Buck moans dramatically before launching into the story of how Chimney had once used untold favors and some blackmail to force Buck into a movie weekend. His arms gesture wildly and his words tumble over each other, stutter coming out in the excitement as his brain gets ahead of his mouth. His face is alight, enthusiasm taking over the careful calm of their earlier conversation. 

The rest of their meal is more like any of the many other nights they’d spent hanging out. They talk about anything and everything that comes to mind. Bouncing from the red flag warnings covering Southern California to the streak of late night lift assists they had last shift to Chris' upcoming report cars. It was just… a fun night, and Eddie has to wonder if this is what dates are supposed to be like. If relationships are supposed to be two people who enjoy each other’s company and want to spend more time together constantly. The only difference between this and their hangouts as best friends is the venue. Even Buck coming home with him after isn’t new. 

The only change, really, is how the night ends with Buck straddling Eddie’s lap in their bed. 

Eddie’s hands are grasping at Buck’s waist desperately, trying to tug him down so they can grind together like horny teenagers in the back of a car. Buck is not having it, hovering high and keeping Eddie too occupied with their sloppy making out to do anything about it. 

“Buck, please,” the whine is a bit pathetic as they part but Eddie is far too gone to care. He needs to feel the other man against him. He’s desperate for the touch of their cocks against each other. Would gladly beg for the mere brush of skin against skin. 

Buck pecks him one more time, brief and affectionate before he breathes out, “I have a surprise for you.”

The words rock Eddie’s world. A surprise for him in their bedroom while they’re hurtling towards sex at rocket speed. He doesn’t think any partner has ever planned a surprise for him in the bedroom. 

Eddie feels compelled to say, “You didn’t have to,” but the delight must shine through because Buck kisses him again with a smile still on his face. 

“I had to plan something for our first date,” Buck lingers, mischief in his eyes, “and you seemed so excited to plan dinner. I thought I should focus my efforts on another part of the night.”

Eddie’s hand spasms on Buck’s waist, hypnotized by the way Buck leans over to dig in the nightstand without moving from his place in Eddie’s lap. The heat of him is pressed to Eddie’s stomach distractingly and Eddie knows he’s going to have a problem soon. 

It’s crazy, actually, how hard it is to stop himself from cumming in his pants like a horny teenager. Sex had never been like this. Sure, it had been enjoyable to a degree, but he’d never been so out of his mind at the mere thought of any of the women he’d slept with. Here, with Buck, Eddie is always so distracted by the veritable cornucopia of pleasure that even weeks later he keeps shooting off early. 

Buck never laughs. He is, in fact, rather smug every time it happens. Glowing with satisfaction even as he reassures Eddie that he’d be happy even if they never made it past fumbling hands and slick mouths. None of this prevents Eddie from being a little embarrassed. 

So, when Buck pulls back with more than lube in his hand, Eddie fixates on the joined rubber rings. 

Eddie has seen cock rings before, they’ve responded to emergency calls where some poor dick owner had overestimated how tight the thing needed to be and gotten stuck before. He has not used one, though. Stamina had never really been a problem before, when he was sleeping with women and everything had just a little clinical edge to it. 

“Hey,” Buck tugs his head to make their eyes meet, “you don’t have to, but I know you’ve been…”

Eddie sucks in a breath and reaches his own hand to tug Buck down into a kiss. And isn’t that just like Buck? To see Eddie getting frustrated with something and set a solution at Eddie’s feet. 

“Are you sure it’ll fit right?” He has to ask, because he absolutely refuses to be one of those 9-1-1 calls. It’ll be a cold day in hell before Eddie Diaz has to stare his fellow firefighters in the face as they help him with a sex emergency. 

“I had to use my best estimate for the size,” Buck admits, “but I did bring a ring cutter.”

Reasonable, except, “and you just own a ring cutter?”

Buck dead eyes him, one eyebrow lifting. Right, of course. Of course Buck, adventurous and sexually confident Buck, had experimented with cock rings. He’d probably experimented with more than that. It boded well for the future of their sex life, so long as Eddie didn’t think too hard about other people getting to see Buck that way. 

So he had a possessive streak? Sue him. Buck has never objected to the way Eddie sometimes hoards little pieces of their relationship and until he does, Eddie’s going to keep raising his hackles at anyone who infringes on their time.  

Buck deserves it. He deserves to be wanted so badly that his partner dislikes sharing. To be cared for so much that his partner can shove the jealousy aside when it gets out of control. Looking up into Buck’s glittering dark eyes, pupils blown until the ring of blue is near invisible, Eddie wants to be that partner. 

Eddie raises his eyebrows, daring Buck to get on with it. 

The smile Buck shoots back at him is smug as Buck reaches down to tug Eddie’s fly open. 

It’s futile, Eddie’s weight making it hard to get his pants and underwear down in a way that leaves him able to use his limbs, so he shoves Buck up with an accidentally harsh, “pants, now,” and hauls himself up to strip. 

Buck is faster, lounging on the bed when Eddie swings his undershirt over his head. He’s fiddling with the cock ring in one hand as the other trails down his stomach. Eddie watches for just a moment, soaking in the vision before him. He feels his mouth go dry as Buck’s hand continues lower until he’s so close to his own dick that Eddie actually feels himself get jealous. He wants to touch Buck’s cock. He wants to be the one who slides his hand up and down that tender flesh until Buck is lost to the world. 

Eddie wants to be the one who brings Buck pleasure. 

“Hands off,” Eddie says without thought. Buck startles a little, but the hazy look that follows is pure happiness. Buck actually likes it when Eddie is bossy. He’d had a hard time believing it, given how much Eddie himself disliked being bossed around in bed, but maybe this was an aspect of compatibility rather than Eddie running roughshod over his husband. 

Buck’s hand shoots upward, away from himself to press into the bed with his wrists turned out. 

The lube sits between his legs like an invitation. Gold embossed and ready for Eddie to enjoy. 

“The ring, please,” Eddie asks as he climbs up between Buck’s legs. As Buck goes to pass him the cock ring, Eddie’s hand cups Buck’s dick, as much of it as he can at least. The action causes Buck to drop the ring on his own stomach with a jerk and a moan. 

The sound pulls a grin to Eddie’s mouth. Eddie has spent all of their encounters so overwhelmed that he couldn’t really pinpoint how into it Buck is. The fast descent of Buck’s own control is as reassuring as it is hot. 

When Eddie goes to fit the ring over his cock, it’s a bit of a struggle. He’s already so hard that getting the damn thing down sends sparks of pleasure up his spine. Tugging his balls into the adjoining ring is near torture, but he gets it on and breaths. Buck’s eyes bore into him from the head of the bed as Eddie tries to box breath through the conflicting sensation of pleasure and outside restraint. 

“It won’t stop you from cumming, but it should help prolong-” Buck starts, but Eddie grabs at his legs to try and quiet him before Eddie bursts. He squeezes Buck’s thick thighs like it will help. Instead it’s just another reminder of the beautiful man he has in his bed. 

But Eddie breathes and pretends his limbs are jello until he can pick his head up to look at Buck’s wide eyes again. Buck looks nervous, like he’s scared that he’s messed up. He hasn’t, but Eddie is having a hard time with words when he wants to come so bad against the rubber ring around his dick. 

“Thank you,” Eddie hopes it conveys what he wants as he leans down to peck at Buck’s slack lips. 

“Now that I’ll last long enough to get somewhere,” Eddie cocks his head, leaning in to whisper in Buck’s ear, “turn over, cariño.”

Buck sucks in air so fast that Eddie is surprised he doesn’t choke. Those long legs throw themselves askew in the mad dash to turn himself over onto his knees as Eddie leans back to give him room. Yet again, now that he has time and a pressure to help cut through some of the pleasure, Eddie is gratified to see Buck just as desperate. 

Buck settles onto his knees, legs splayed and head hanging between his shoulders. The position flashes… 

Madre de Dios.

Buck chuckles, wiggling his ass a little to show off the flash of rubber sitting between his cheeks. Small but very firmly there. Eddie’s hand is compelled to tug at it, eliciting a little popping sound as the plug pulls free. It’s not a size that means Buck is ready, but he’s very clearly gotten himself started. 

Buck and his contingency plans. Eddie wonders if there was a checklist somewhere. 

Eddie presses his thumb to Buck’s entrance, feels the tacky residue of dried lube and the give of his already stretched hole. 

Perfect, I still get to finger him.

Let it never be said that Eddie fails to enjoy foreplay. He enjoys it so much that it’s usually his downfall. The sounds of his fingers sliding through the lube with the chorus of Buck’s pleased sighs cause him to shoot off prematurely. Given the opportunity, Eddie could stay right here forever, using his fingers to press Buck to the edge over and over. Buck has put a lot of work into making sure Eddie gets to fuck him tonight, though. It would be rude to let that effort go to waste. 

He gives Buck no warning before he slides a wet finger in. Eddie likes the way his legs quake and arms slide forward to brace against the headboard. Adores the way a blush crawls all the way to Buck’s back. 

The cock ring is a blessing. Eddie knows he would have burst already without it but he still has to hold back, because cock rings aren’t the magical climax stopper some of their callers believe them to be. (At least half the calls they got were because someone thought the one that fit hadn’t worked and went a size smaller.)  It helps though, to keep Eddie from becoming overwhelmed with the sight and sound of Buck enjoying Eddie’s ministrations. 

Eddie gets to linger here, too. Is allowed to savor those sights and sounds the way he wouldn’t have gotten to without the help of the cock ring. He even gets to push Buck so close to the edge that it’s Buck begging for release this time. 

“Please, please! Eddie- I need-” Buck gasps around each syllable. His arms have given out somewhere in the haze, leaving Buck’s face pressed into the pillow and his ass up in the air. He looks like a gift, presented to Eddie with trust that he will be taken care of. Eddie wishes he had a camera, so he could look back on this moment forever. 

An idea for another time. 

For now he whispers, “I’ve got you, I’ll give you what you need, Buck,” and slicks up his dick. 

The first press is almost too much. Buck sobs when he stops, but Eddie needs the moment to regroup. He steadies one hand beside Buck’s head so that he can use the other hand to give some relief, curling around the other man’s cock to slowly stroke him. He waits until the stimulation allows Buck to relax a little before continuing his press forward. Every inch he gains is hardwon but worth it. 

When he bottoms out, the rubber of the ring presses against Buck’s ass cheeks and Eddie curls himself against Buck’s back. His balls ache from a lack of release and the clutch of the cock ring. Eddie isn’t sure how much longer he’ll last so he needs to make this good. 

Eddie speeds up the hand on Buck’s cock as he slowly drags himself to thrust in and out of Buck. The friction is driving him crazy in a good way. He’s getting lost in the haze of Buck’s pleased sounds and the feel of his husband around him. Eddie speeds up erratically, thrusting in and out to no particular rhythm but trying to aim for Buck’s prostate. His hand on Buck’s cock twists frantically, thumbing the slit. 

None of this is what brings Eddie to his inevitable climax. That honor goes to Buck’s head turning as far sideways as he can manage to search for a kiss. The soft press of lips together in gentle affection amidst the hedonistic thrusting of their bodies throws Eddie headlong into orgasm. 

Eddie crumbles into Buck’s back, the force of cumming against the press of the cock ring so intense he almost collapses. Only sheer determination keeps his hand moving over Buck enough to realize he’s coming just as hard. He has just enough clarity to tip them sideways so Buck doesn’t collapse into a wet spot of his own spend. 

It’s a full few minutes of coming down from their high before Eddie is able to pull himself out of Buck with a wet squelch. Buck whines at the feeling, but Eddie needs another moment before he can lean down for his boxers to clean them off with.

Showers will have to wait for morning, his legs simply will not cooperate before then. 

After a few moments of quiet, Buck rolls over to peck Eddie’s lips and asks, “Good?”

Eddie just goggles at him in response for a second, but Buck thrives on positive feedback so he says, “Try incredible.”

Buck grins, then glances down to pull the cock ring off of Eddie’s overstimulated dick. After he tucks it safely onto the bedside table, Eddie pulls him back in for another kiss. 

They fall asleep like that, between soft kisses and high on the success of their night. 

—

Of course, what goes up must come down. Eddie should have remembered that. 

They're only on a twelve hour shift. It's A-shift’s turn in the rotation for a light schedule for the week and even those shorter shifts have been unusually slow. 

So slow that when they're called to a grocery store for possible crush injuries under a fallen food can display, they're glad to be out of the station rather than annoyed. There’s shouting in the distance as an employee leads them to the scene. Once there, Hen and Chimney take over the person underneath so Eddie falls back to triage with Buck. 

There are a couple of people clutching ankles and one lady laid out on the floor. Eddie hones in on the lady, given that she’s the only one not upright. 

“Hello, m’am,” Eddie says efficiently as he goes to check her pulse, “can you tell me your name and where you feel any pain?”

“Alicia Meyers and my hip hurts so bad!” She says, an exaggerated tone in her voice that Eddie has heard before from such notable patients as the Porch Pirate. Wonderful, he’ll spend the entire time getting second guessed so she can file a lawsuit against the store, no doubt. 

Whatever, Eddie will not skip any steps just because he thinks she’s not being truthful. 

“Alright ma'am, we’re gonna get a C-collar on you here, just in case,” Eddie reaches for the device but when he turns back around, Alicia has fixated on him with an unexpected intensity. 

“Oh my god,” Alicia says, eyes wide enough to showcase her pupils are equally dilated, “are you Eddie?”

Eddie, not expecting to hear his name, stops what he’s doing. He doesn’t recognize her from anywhere he can remember. For her to know his name, surely he would recognize her face at least. 

 “Yes? Have we met be-” 

Eddie is cut off before he can finish.

“You’re that asshole that dumped a girl by telling her to go home!”

Okay?

In his periphery, Chimney also stops what he’s doing to glance at Eddie a little wide eyed. He can’t see any of the others behind himself, but he’s sure that the nosey fuckers have all honed in on the conversation Eddie is having. 

Alicia verbally charges forward before Eddie can get his bearings, “Did she really spend days looking after your kid for you right beforehand?”

“How do you know-” Eddie barely cuts himself off, knowing that confirming what she somehow knows is the wrong thing to do. He’s too late, already said too much. 

Alicia’s jaw drops as she fully balks at him, she leans forward with growing aggression, “It’s real? Does that mean the other lady really caught you-”

“Okay!” It’s Bobby, bless his kind heart, who intervenes. Eddie feels a tug at his elbow, Buck’s familiar presence drawing him away from the patient turned narc. 

Together Buck and Bobby work in tandem to draw the woman’s attention away from Eddie. Buck moves to put himself between Eddie and her while Bobby says, “M’am, why don’t we concentrate on getting you checked out?”

Alicia is, unfortunately, like a dog with a bone. Her voice raising as she sits up and shouts, “But he’s the guy from the ‘Are We Dating the Same Guy LA’ Facebook group. The warnings are crazy! I have to know if they’re real!”

Eddie can feel his breathing restrict and his legs go numb. He’s never had a panic attack at work before. If there had been a single blessing during his breakdown, it was that his shit had never made it far in their friend group. Not because Eddie didn’t trust them, rather that Eddie’s problems are his own and he already feels bad enough bringing Buck into them. 

He’s a grown man, and grown men are supposed to handle their own problems without burdening other people. 

Frank would hate that. Which is probably a good indicator that Eddie needs to talk about it with Frank.

Buck is hustling Eddie away from the scene, signaling Ravi to take over triage even as he forms a wall of muscle between Eddie and the world. There must have been a conversation that happened to remove two of their team from the scene, but Eddie’s head is spinning too hard to follow it. 

He’s glad Buck is here, if anyone else was putting their hands on him this much during a panic attack, Eddie might have passed out. But because it’s Buck, the touch is grounding. Together they exit the grocery store and head straight for the rig. Outside, where the walls no longer feel like they’re closing in and the eyes focused on him have gone down to a single pair of familiar blue, Eddie is able to gasp in air. The sound of Buck murmuring is muffled but steady and the words themselves matter so little compared to the impact of his voice itself. 

The world spins, but Buck’s arm steers him towards the truck and Eddie sucks in air. 

He’s not sure how much longer the call takes. Somewhere in his periphery, he sees the others exit sans any patients. The lady on the floor must have given up the ghost of a slip and fall lawsuit when she found juicier gossip. 

“Dude what was that?” Chimney whisper-shouts as he approaches them. Hen smacks him across the shoulder but the question is already in the air. 

“I-“ Eddie doesn’t want to say it. Doesn’t want even more of his friends to know how badly he fucked up last Spring. 

“Hey, you don’t have to tell us,” Bobby cuts in authoritatively, “but if or when you want to, we will be here for you.”

Buck stands at his side, a solid wall of support. His friends' gazes are supportive and understanding, the way they always are when someone is struggling. Eddie has always tried his best to maintain some illusion of having it together with everyone. A few people slip behind the facade, most notably Buck and sometimes Bobby, but Eddie has known for most of his life that it is his duty to maintain a strong front. 

Maybe this is just another in a long line of things his dad was wrong about when he was growing up. 

“I-” he looks at Buck, borrowing some of that unwavering support for this decision, “I’ll tell you guys back at the station.”

Eddie doesn’t acknowledge the pride in all of their faces out loud, but he does take a little mental note.

—

It's Friday afternoon and Chris has retreated to his room to play games with his friends. When Eddie checked on him earlier, they were hitting customers with brooms for shoplifting. Eddie had been confused but happy it wasn’t Grand Theft Auto for the moment and let him close the door to contain the noise while he and Buck made dinner.

Now, he’s following Buck down the hall to grab Chris for dinner when he hears it.

“You know you can come back whenever you want.”

Eddie’s heart seizes. That’s his mother’s voice, modulated over a phone and muffled by the door. Chris’ door. 

“Yeah, I know,” Chris is muffled by the door, too. His voice low, like he’s trying to whisper but between the call and Helena’s declining hearing, he can only be so quiet and still be heard. In front of him, Buck’s head has tilted and jaw clenched. When Eddie glances down, the other man’s fists are clenched for a brief moment before they reach out to take Eddie’s in reassurance. 

Behind the door, Helena continues, “I know you were worried about your dad, but you're a kid. His bad decisions aren’t your responsibility.”

Buck moves first, releasing Eddie’s hands to reach for the door even as Eddie is absolutely paralyzed. It swings open, revealing Chris sitting at his desk, tablet open to a facetime with his grandmother that had certainly been neither approved nor supervised by Eddie the way she had agreed to. All Eddie can think is that he should have seen it coming. 

Of course, his parents had agreed to his terms too easily. It had been so suspicious, but Eddie had let himself hope it was sincere anyway. Had let himself believe that for all their struggles and the way they didn’t trust him with his own child, they’d been getting better. 

More the fool him, his mother never trusted his decisions before, she wasn’t going to start now. 

Helena can’t see them yet, not with the door mostly perpendicular to the tablet’s camera, but Chris’ eyes shoot up to latch onto Buck’s face. 

“When your father finally chases that man away too, your room will be waiting.”

She spits out ‘that man’ like the mere mention of Buck leaves a bad taste in her mouth. Buck strides forward, ignoring the tablet to maintain eye contact with Chris as he blindly ends the call. Chris looks guilty. He knew this was going behind their backs and he’d done it anyway. 

“Am I grounded?” Chris doesn’t break eye contact with Buck. He hasn’t looked at Eddie once since the door opened. 

“Very,” is the firm answer Buck gives him. Eddie should be the one doing that. He should be the one handling this problem with his son, but his tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth and his legs are glued to the floor. 

Chris doesn’t fight the verdict. Simply hands his phone and tablet over and allows Buck to retrieve the ethernet cable from his computer. He’ll have to be supervised for any online schoolwork, a downside of the modern school system, but he could do that in the living room on Buck’s laptop. 

“I want to be clear,” Buck says, “you’re grounded because you knew she was only supposed to talk to you while we were there. I know this probably wasn't entirely your doing,” Chris' chin wobbles but he doesn't lift his head from it's defeated slump, "but when your grandmother asked you to do something you know is against the rules, you should have spoken to us."

Chris’ chin is tucked to his chest, but he doesn’t protest this either. Buck, who has always been good at talking to Chris, squats down to be level with Chris where he sits. 

“Hey,” Buck coaxes Chris to look at him, “It’s not your fault your Abuela went behind our backs. That’s not on you.”

“But I let her,” Chris says, sounding so pitiful Eddie wants to cry. 

“And this way,” Buck holds the phone and the ethernet cord aloft, “she can’t pressure you into it anymore. You’ll get your phone back soon, but I think computer use is going to have to be supervised for a while longer. Okay?”

Chris nods, shoulders slumping in… relief? Like hiding this secret from them had been weighing on him. An albatross strung around his too young neck. An anchor dragging him down.

How long had Helena been whispering those awful things in Chris’ ear? How long has she been planting doubt in his mind? Surely it hadn’t just begun when Chris came home. She must have been saying some of it this summer, if not as long as Chris has been able to talk to his grandparents on his own when Eddie got him his first tablet with an internet connection. 

Eddie’s so fucking stupid. It’s the only explanation for how he believed his mother would respect his wishes. He’d put his son in a tough position again because Eddie couldn’t see the hurt coming. God, he’s a terrible father. 

A godawful father who’s crying outside his son’s room where Chris can see him. Eddie is the scum of the earth, truly.

Fuck therapy, actually. Eddie has never cried so much in his life as when he’s in therapy. He certainly never let himself cry where Chris could see before Frank went and cracked Eddie open like an egg. 

He finally tears his body into motion, turning away so that his grief cannot touch his son anymore. He walks determinedly down the hall to have his latest breakdown alone in his room. The least he can do is contain himself. Buck can handle consoling Chris while Eddie proves to be useless in private. 

The door doesn’t close when Eddie tries to swing it shut. Buck’s hand is in the way. Eddie can’t ask him to leave, because all that will come out is a sob but Buck needs to be with Chris. Chris is more important. 

“Hey h-hey, Chris didn’t see. He’s just ‘thinking about what he did’ in his room,” Buck soothes. His hand is out in offering but he leaves the choice of physical contact to Eddie. There is no world where Eddie doesn’t take it. Strong arms wrap around him, holding Eddie’s broken pieces together. He’s a shattered vase in Buck’s gentle hands, begging for help piecing himself back together. 

“This isn’t your fault, y’know?” Buck says it so softly, like he’s afraid of grinding Eddie’s glass shards to dust. 

“It is,” Eddie bites out, because there’s no one else’s fault it could be. He was the one who knew better than to believe his mother would trust him with his son. He was the one that Chris should have been able to come to. Buck may be Chris’ other dad now but Eddie is the one who created this mess for Buck to step into.

“I should have known! When they said they’d respect my wishes, I knew it was weird. They’ve never once respected my wishes,” he begs Buck to understand and still not leave. Buck finally deciding that Eddie’s mess is too much would be the final blow. 

“It is not your fault,” Buck reasserts, “I-It’s no one’s fault but your mother’s. She talked a teenager into going behind his father’s back. She disrespected your wishes. She is the one who did this, not you.”

“But I-” Eddie tries again, because it has to be his fault. If it’s not his fault, he can’t prevent it from happening again. 

“Hey,” Buck’s tone is commanding, unfamiliar except that it sounds so much like Bobby for just a moment, “I know you feel guilty that Chris got put in the middle of you and her, but you are not the one who put him there.” 

His words are slow and deliberate. Every word given the kind of weight that’s hard to doubt. He’s emanating an authority that usually only shines through on hard rescues, when Buck is a force to be reckoned with. The other man means every word he’s saying, believes them with enough passion for the both of them. 

“What do we do now?” Eddie asks, handing the reins to Buck. He doesn’t know what to do, has no earthly idea how to confront the chasm his mother has forced between them and their son. 

“First, we get you cleaned up,” Buck tugs one arm from Eddie’s grasp to wipe the tear tracks from Eddie’s face, “Then, we go check on Chris and make sure he knows we’re not angry with him. Then, we call Dr. Lin for a family appointment.”

Buck really is good at planning, Eddie thinks. He’s nothing but grateful to have his best friend here and willing to tackle this together. 

Still, there is one step missing, “And Frank. I probably need an emergency appointment with Frank.”

“I’ll call Dr. Lin and you call Frank?” Buck’s arms are around him again. He feels cradled, like something precious, in these arms. 

“Chris first,” Eddie says. 

“Ah! You first actually,” Buck counters, steering Eddie back out of their bedroom and into the bathroom so Eddie can see what a wreck he is. His eyes red, skin splotchy red, and tear tracks caked down his cheeks. Buck’s arm is still around him as he twists the sink on and reaches for a hand towel. 

In the wake of his latest breakdown, Eddie lets Buck help him. For how many times they’ve done this, it shouldn’t feel so revolutionary but Eddie still thinks Frank would be proud. 

Chapter Text

Walking into Frank’s office the next day feels oddly normal. Really, what was different? Coming into his therapist’s office with a heartbreaking problem, Buck outside the building waiting to whisk him away to decompress. It’s the same routine they’d had for years, with the single addition that Buck spent the time at his own appointments as well. 

Buck still does tele-appointments with Dr. Copeland, right there in the Jeep in the relative privacy of a nearby parking garage during Eddie’s own longer sessions. Buck’s hour-long appointments layer perfectly with Eddie’s own hour and a half to give Buck time to return to the curb and wait for Eddie. 

Eddie had been the one to joke this morning that the time difference was because Buck was a “yapper” and Frank needed the extra half hour to pry Eddie open. Buck had cackled delightedly from the driver’s seat, almost missing their light in his haste to ask where Eddie learned that word. He’d laughed even harder when Eddie admitted to hearing Hen call Chimney "her favorite yapper" in the back of the ambulance. 

(Eddie knows, in a tangential way, that Buck likes it when he’s kind of sassy. They couldn’t be best friends if Buck didn’t enjoy some ribbing, but seeing the way Buck soaks each comment up like a man finding water in the desert is gratifying. Eddie has been so worried about being polite as they navigate their changing relationship that they’d lost this for a while. He hadn’t even realized how much he missed the ability to playfully poke fun at each other. Nor how integral the chance to tease and rile each other up with friendly familiarity is to their dynamic.)

So, Eddie walks into Frank’s office feeling a normal amount of strung out and prepares to stumble his way out exhausted from emotional labor. 

He starts immediately, “So my mother has been going behind my back to talk to Chris.”

Frank glances up from his notepad, nonchalance unbroken as he replies, “Hello, I see you know what you want to talk about today.”

Eddie hasn’t even gotten to his seat, but he needs to get this out to someone who isn’t involved. 

“He was hiding it from us. Only found out because we caught him on a call with her two days ago.”

Frank hums as if having solved a puzzle, “Hence the emergency session.”

“Yeah,” Eddie plops down in his seat, spine creaking as he leans back. The leather of the chair squeaks back, crackling from constant use. 

His therapist allows him to settle, getting Eddie to let his guard down before pressing on, “What part would you like to address first?”

It’s a decent question. There are so many problems all tangled up together. His issues with his parents, his son, himself. He hadn’t even been able to handle it in real time himself. Once again, Buck had to pick up the pieces, even though he’d been a target of Helena’s campaign, too. 

“I just froze up,” he says, hoping that if they start with this, he can at least be useful in the future. 

Unfortunately, Frank is a reasonable person who doesn’t judge Eddie for the way he panics. “A perfectly reasonable response. You’ve stated in our previous sessions that you felt like you and your parents were coming to a better understanding. Finding out they’d been circumventing you to get access to Christopher behind your back must have been quite the shock.”

This is Eddie’s problem with therapy. Frank always makes Eddie’s behavior sound so reasonable. Even when he agrees that Eddie was in the wrong, he never condemns Eddie for his fuck ups. Instead, Frank makes Eddie try to explain just how bad his behavior was until he’s reasoned it out so long that the problem holds less impact.

Like a well practiced dance, Eddie dodges the first out Frank gives him in favor of explaining how it shouldn’t have been a shock, “Which just goes to show how fucking gullible I am.”

Frank parries with, “Trusting someone to be truthful about working with you is not gullibility-” but Eddie won’t hear it. He’d known it was only a matter of time before things went horribly wrong. 

He cuts Frank off to assert, “But I knew it was weird. My mother never trusted I could take care of my own kid before, why would she start now?”

He’s on a roll now, ready to indict himself for his mistakes.

Eddie barely lets Frank get out a “well-” in his rush to get out the damning truth, “I should have known better! And then I can’t even do anything about it. Buck had to put a stop to it! It’s not his job to clean up my messes.”

Eddie needs Frank to understand. He’d thought they were doing so well right up to the moment he heard his mother’s voice come from Christopher’s room. He’d had the audacity to start to get comfortable. 

He always does that. Forgets to keep his guard up just before the earth moves beneath him. Quakes leaving Eddie on his ass while everyone else keeps moving forward. 

Asks his wife to be married again. 

Moves through a makeshift hospital helping victims of a tsunami without a thought for why he hadn’t heard from the two most important people in his world.

Stands in a street patting himself on the back for saving that kid. 

Decorates for Christmas with no clue of the turmoil coming. 

Eddie is always on the wrong foot when things go to shit.

His hands start to tingle and a numbness climbs up his legs as his vision goes a little blurry. Eddie is panicking. Because as much as he tries to convince everyone in his life that he doesn’t panic, it is actually one of his biggest problems. 

Frank, probably in an effort to derail Eddie’s spiraling, says, “I would argue that being married means you always share the clean up.”

Except that’s just another thing that makes Eddie’s breath constrict because, “they’re always my messes, though. This whole marriage was Buck helping me clean up my fuck up.”

He’s going to have a problem soon, they’ll have to end the session before they can resolve anything so Frank can talk him down from a panic attack and all this time will be wasted. It means he won’t be ready for their family appointment with Dr. Lin next week. Eddie hates himself just a little more for this.

The sound of Frank’s voice cuts through, “Has Buck expressed any frustration with this?”

Which…

“No, but he never would. Buck’s too nice for that.”

The topic change is a success, at least enough of one that Eddie’s vision doesn’t get any blurrier at the edges. Frank capitalizes on the distraction by asking, “If Buck himself has not expressed an issue-”

“I’m worried he’ll realize I’m not worth all this.”

The worry is, maybe a little unfounded, given the conversation they’d had on their date. The ghost of Shannon haunts him like a familiar poltergeist, though. Whispers of how she’d left Chris behind to get away from Eddie. Reminding him that Eddie is so bad a partner that even having Chris in her life wasn’t worth staying for. 

“Okay, so what might mitigate some of that anxiety?” Frank asks, his voice takes on that neutral tone he uses when he doesn’t want to push Eddie too hard. 

Eddie scoffs, because they’d had a plan to mitigate some of his anxiety about his new husband leaving but, “Well, I was trying to be nice and make him feel appreciated, like we talked about…”

Frank nods as Eddie trails off. That's another reason Frank is so good as Eddie's therapist, the patience. He's willing to call Eddie out on his shit but also let Eddie take his time to find the words. 

He’s grateful, because the words never seem to come easy. 

“So, we went on this date a couple days ago,” Eddie begins, “and he- he basically said he didn’t like it. That he was friends with me before and he didn’t need me to ‘pretend to be someone else’ to keep him around.”

The other man hums a little, mulling over the new information, “So we swung a little too hard in one direction. It doesn’t mean you should stop appreciating him, but maybe we can focus more on building from the strengths of your friendship rather than adjusting them to a marriage.”

And- what?

It can’t be that easy. He’d been friends with Shannon before they got married but that hadn’t been enough. Then again, Eddie has had some realizations about his own sexuality since then. And while their marriage has been rushed by a certain measure, he and Buck were far from those unprepared parents-to-be being marched down the aisle whether they liked it or not.

He has to point it out, “but- this isn’t just being friends anymore.”

“No, but friendships and marriage are just relationships. I’m saying maybe we should concentrate on the you and Buck of this rather than the marriage part.” 

Occasionally, therapy makes Eddie feel like a moody teen in a talk with his guidance counselor. It’s akin to begrudgingly receiving advice from someone who knows better than him. 

Like a sour teen, Eddie refuses to concede even as he listens to Frank continue, “So, looking at it as just you and Buck, not as a married couple, was there ever a point that Buck hit his limit with you?”

Eddie thinks of the lawsuit, but knows he hadn’t been the problem there. Eddie and Chris had been hurt collateral in the emotional struggle between Buck and Bobby. Never in their seven years of friendship has Buck ever left over anything Eddie did. Buck’s limits usually involved his ability to work and his parents. 

So Eddie concedes a quiet, “no.”

Frank doesn’t even sound smug as he asks, “Given that history, how likely is Buck to leave now?”

He knows the answer. For all his own insecurity, taking that nebulous idea of another spouse walking away falls apart as soon as Buck fills the space, “Highly unlikely.”

Frank nods like that settles the issue entirely. 

“I wouldn’t discourage regular check-ins when things get tough. It’s part of any healthy relationship,” Frank clarifies, “However, so long as the two of you communicate and tackle your issues as a team, quite frankly I’m not worried about your marriage.”

He says it so bluntly. As if Buck and Eddie’s marriage isn’t a wild idea spawned by desperation rather than the solid foundation of a romantic relationship. 

Eddie sits in it, the surety from someone else that Eddie is right. He gets to bask in reassurance from his actual therapist. Frank quickly takes the magic out of it by saying, “I would like to circle back to your mother, actually.”

Eddie’s leg starts tapping against his will. There’s an ache of tension in his neck, pulling his head sideways and giving him a headache. 

Frank lets the silence linger for a moment until he decides to take the onus to talk first on himself. 

“I know you had put down an ultimatum when they came to visit about unsupervised contact.”

He did. Hadn’t even needed to consult anyone about it because he knew the only way he could keep in contact with them at all was to know they couldn’t take his son without warning again. 

“No contact, if they try to get around me to talk to Chris. Because I knew it was a possibility. I just- they seemed like they were finally willing to work with me.”

Frank leans back in his chair. “Have you given thought to how permanent you want that to be?”

He knows how he wants it to go. If Eddie only had himself to worry about he’d never so much as exchange a letter with them ever again. They had come into his home and enacted Eddie’s worst nightmare. A nightmare they had played the antagonist in for years, brought to reality by his own mother and father. 

Given half a chance, he’d excise his parents from his life with a surgeon’s precision but Eddie can’t just do things for himself. 

“I don’t-” Eddie stumbles, choked up by the very idea of willingly depriving Chris of anything, “I don’t want Chris to lose his grandparents.”

Across the room, face perfectly placid, Frank says, “A perfectly understandable concern.”

“But I also don’t-,” Eddie continues, “When we caught them on the phone, we overheard her saying these awful things.” 

“Would you like to share any of it?” Frank prompts.

Eddie doesn’t. It’s not helpful, but the words his mother said to Chris can wait until he’s able to get them out, “No- I’m not- I’m not ready for that. But I know that what we overheard was just a few seconds of what she’s been feeding Chris.”

His therapist does not get distracted from his line of inquiry. He asks, “Are you of the opinion that her actions are too great a problem to return from?”

He isn’t sure. Except that Eddie hadn’t been the only target of her comments.

“It wasn’t just about me. I couldn’t figure out why Chris seemed convinced Buck would leave him until I heard her,” Eddie continues, “Y’know, Chris didn’t even fight it- the being grounded? He actually seemed relieved.”

“Being put between two people you love, when one of them is talking badly about the other, can be very stressful. Especially for a kid.”

“Exactly,” Eddie says, vindicated, “and I tried not to ever talk bad about them when he was around but… he ended up in that position anyway.”

Frank leans forward, voice steady as he says, “You did what you could to make sure Chris wasn’t put in that position. We can work through all of it, but I think what we really need to work on today is your next steps.”

Next steps. Eddie always likes to have a plan. 

“No contact, at least until I get things sorted with Chris. I-,” Eddie hesitates, “I need to tell them, don’t I? That I’m cutting off contact.”

“You could,” Frank lets the words linger. Allows the idea of options to sink in before he continues, “however, you have already told both of your parents the conditions on your continued communication. You are under no obligation to hold their hands through the consequences.”

The ever present weight on Eddie’s shoulders feels like it slides off. He’s the responsible one, that has been his place in their family since he was 8-years-old. To be released from this one responsibility is an unfamiliar boon. 

—

Eddie leaves his session with homework. 

Frank wants him to try writing out his thoughts. So that he can articulate himself without the pressure of how the words might affect his audience. He’s also been given some worksheets to go through and fill out. Eddie can’t tell if he’s doing so bad at therapy he needs the extra work, or if he’s doing well enough to be trusted to do some of the work on his own. 

Either way, Eddie now has therapy homework. Homework he will need a journal for and maybe a folder for his worksheets. 

Eddie walks out of the building that houses Frank’s office and straight into the Jeep where Buck has it parked at the curb, reliable as the sunrise. He slides easily into the passenger seat so fast that Buck startles. Eddie has a mind to worry that Buck has apparently not been paying attention while sitting with his doors unlocked until he spots the redness of Buck’s eyes. 

Buck has been crying. 

That’s why he hadn’t spotted Eddie coming out of the building. He’s been out here crying in his car because his own therapy session had been so bad it left him in tears. A therapy session that no doubt went over the same incident Eddie’s did. An incident that Eddie had just told Frank he was grateful Buck had been there for. 

Eddie reaches out, hand going to cradle Buck’s bicep gently. Buck sniffs, the sound taking a sledgehammer to Eddie’s heart. 

Buck lets out a watery “sorry” before sucking in a breath. 

“Hey, no apologies,” Eddie affirms, rubbing his hand along Buck’s arm. He hates when Buck cries, but he’s had too many talks with Dr. Lin about healthy ways for Chris to express emotions to deprive Buck of the emotional release by begging him to stop. Instead, he let his hand run up to Buck’s shoulder to rub his thumb soothingly over the man's collarbone. 

Buck breathes through it, eventually. Each sniffle tugs at Eddie’s heartstrings, plucking out a melody of anguish. A soft quiet takes over the Jeep, Buck’s tears tapering off and Eddie box breathing through his own reaction to the tears that slip through. 

He wants to ask, but knows neither of them is ready. Eddie still feels scraped raw from his conversation with Frank. Buck is having a hard time breathing steadily. 

“Rough session?” Eddie asks, but it’s rhetorical. Of course Buck had a rough session. Eddie’s mother had targeted Buck as a point to try and get Christopher to leave them. 

“Was yours any better?” Buck asks back, but he doesn’t expect a reply either. They’re just trying to fill the silence. 

Eddie grunts, conceding to the obvious. 

“Wanna help me with my homework?” He offers it as an olive branch, an errand they can do together without addressing the elephant in the room.

Blue eyes turn skeptically towards him, still shiny from unshed tears, “How?”

“I have to go shopping.”

The giggle it earns him is music to Eddie’s ears. 

“We can do that. Where to?” Buck throws the Jeep into gear, pulling onto the empty street. His face is still splotchy from crying but his posture is relaxing by millimeters. Eddie feels his own jaw unclench and shoulders come loose. He doesn’t even know how long he’s been tense, probably since he walked into Frank’s office or heard his mother’s voice coming from his son’s room. 

“I don’t know? I can probably pick up a journal and a folder at the dollar store, right?” Eddie has no need for something fancy. Maybe they’ll have one of those spiral notebooks for cheap that Eddie used to use in school. 

Buck scoffs, clearly offended by the very idea, “Absolutely not. If you’re going to suffer through journaling, you’re gonna have a nice notebook to do it in. Besides, Michaels has nice pens and stickers for your folder.”

Which… Eddie would do the same if the situation was reversed and they both know it. He doesn’t really have a leg to stand on here, except “What do I need stickers for?”

“You don’t want a boring folder do you?” 

Eddie could say he would actually very much prefer a boring folder and maybe a plain old notebook. The mere thought is struck down though, by the spark running through Buck’s eyes. Eddie would go to Michaels everyday if it meant wiping away some of the god awful sadness he’d entered the car to. 

“Michaels, it is.”

Entering a blinding store under bright fluorescent lights is not high on Eddie’s list of fun things to do. Unless Buck is striding ahead of him with a bounce in his step. They hit the school supplies section first. Halfway down the aisle towards the journals, Buck confesses he did try a bullet journal once but hadn’t been able to keep it up after the first few months. He’s more of a minimalist pocket planner kind of guy. 

Turns out, even in a craft supply store, there are surprisingly limited options of lined journals. A fact Eddie is grateful for because it means he can negotiate for a plain black notebook. This leaves him in a bad negotiation spot though, when they get to the file folders and Buck insists on a bright pink because “it’s fun!” Buck’s cheeky grin tells Eddie that he’s being messed with, but he’s so relieved to see happiness on Buck’s face that he gives up with only a token protest about something gray.

Apparently, the “good pens” are in the art supplies section. When they get there, he is presented to, not one, but two opposing sections with a vast array of pens, markers, and highlighters. Buck starts to expound about tip sizes but Eddie laughs so fast that it quickly gets lost to childish giggling over dick jokes. 

They only stop when a woman with a bob glares down the aisle at them. 

When they recover, Buck starts to champion some glitter pens, saying it will add pizzazz to Eddie’s deep musings. Eddie rolls his eyes but Buck has a whole sermon at the ready for why Eddie should go with fun pens in his boring black notebook. Eddie wins this great pen debate by simply refusing to use anything with glitter. He has his limits, after all. 

Their final stop in the store is to get completely unnecessary stickers. Sheets and sheets of them hung from the aisle in a wall. The entire aisle is hung with everything from plain letters to bubble dinosaurs and beyond. Eddie isn’t paying any attention to it though, too busy watching Buck contemplate their choices with far too much gravity. 

It's here, under the bright blue toned lighting of the Michaels that Eddie has his final epiphany. Staring at the side of Buck’s face as he very seriously contemplates sticker choices that will be cool enough for their aloof teen to get in on the act, a thought occurs to Eddie. Buck reaches for ridiculous unicorn stickers, no doubt in an effort to entice Chris into embarrassing Eddie together, and affection overwhelms Eddie's nervous system. That bright face smirks mischievously at him, ready, willing, and able to throw Eddie lovingly under the bus just to make their kid laugh, and Eddie’s heart overtakes him.

I love you.

It settles in Eddie’s chest, right over his heart. A blanket wrapping around the organ to keep it safe and warm. The words completely at home there. 

Eddie stands in a moment of domesticity and stares at the man he knows to be the love of his life. It feels like the first breath he’s taken in years. 

—

Realizing he’s in love with his best friend is not the earth shattering revelation billed in a thousand romance movies. The earth does not turn on its head nor does the world look brighter than ever. There are no birds chirping at his windowsill, at least no more than usual. The only difference, after he realizes, is that he knows what the feeling is. 

If any of those stunning changes happened, it was so long ago as to be untraceable. His world had shifted a thousand incremental times that first year in LA. The sun shone brighter every day as his new coworkers became his new family. Buck alone has made his life so unfathomably better for so many years that any shift in the nature of their relationship could never be traced to an origin point. 

Eddie feels late to the party, so late that he’s already married to the love of his life. They went on a date just days ago, they have sex regularly, and they’ve been raising their son together for years. 

Ever since he arrived in Los Angeles, Eddie has searched for a relationship he could share his life with. The entire time, Buck has been here, already sharing his life and his family and his home. Maybe Eddie is blind. Some abstract, spiritual version of blindness that prevents him from seeing the truths in front of him. It would certainly explain some things.

He wonders how long everyone has been waiting for him to catch a clue between his fumbling fingers. 

It doesn’t matter. Eddie did not realize earlier. He has no way of changing the timing. Besides, he’s not sure he would have been truly ready to accept it before he knew they worked. If the revelation had come upon him before they were already married, he’d probably have done something foolish like sink into denial and distance himself until he could get over it. 

Now, love has sat against his heart for years already, so Eddie keeps the words tucked behind his teeth a little longer. He allows himself time, knowing that for once this is not going to slip away the moment he fails to move quick enough.

He should have known better. 

—

Those red flag warnings develop into a wildfire on Mt. Baldy the next day. Overtime opportunities slip into less than dignified begging for help within two days. Bobby sets up a schedule for the station so that they are never down a certain number of qualified bodies while lending manpower to the containment efforts, leaving Buck and Eddie on opposite schedules of working at the station or helping out with a growing fire encroaching on Los Angeles. 

Thankfully, they live together now so Eddie still gets time with his partner but it’s mostly spent with Chris or asleep. 

Today is Buck’s turn to be out on the fireline, Eddie trudging into the station alone. The smell of breakfast wafts down from the loft and Chim is buttoning up his uniform shirt in the locker room. Toward the back of the bay, Johnson is doing inventory with Alvarez. The floaters down from pulling first shifts on the mountain will likely trickle in just before shift, still tired and unfamiliar with the station itself. If Eddie doesn’t get up to the loft soon, he’ll spend the next 20 minutes answering questions about the glass walls and directing them to the changing rooms in the back and no Buck to shoot the shit with while they wait. 

At least Eddie has the reassurance that Hen is watching Buck’s back out on the mountain. He’s not sure he would be holding it together very well if Buck was up there alone. 

Knowing their luck…

But to think it is to invite trouble, even if Eddie doesn’t believe in superstition. 

Eddie manages to drop his bag off and head up to the loft beside Chimney, avoiding the oncoming parade of people in need of directions. Together they converge on Bobby making omelets in the kitchen. There’s one, mushroom and peppers, that Eddie knows he’s accidentally made for Buck who usually drags them here early enough to help Cap cook, sitting abandoned on the counter. Eddie snatches it up. While the combination might not be his preference he’s stolen so many halves of omelets off Buck that it hardly matters. 

Maybe that was another thing he could have read into, the constant food sharing. But really, he’d stolen the move after watching Hen take half of Chimney’s breakfast the morning of the 7.1 earthquake, so really it was probably a 118 A-shift thing more than a BuckandEddie thing. 

Chimney whines a little, but knows that the effort to steal some from Eddie is worse than just waiting for Cap to finish another omelet. Especially after Eddie slathers his in hot sauce.  

Bobby chuckles from his place at the stove before sliding another omelet onto a plate. Chimney doesn’t even wait to figure out what’s in it to snatch the plate up, so he must have had a hectic morning with Jee-Yun. He’s always a little less picky when he’s had a morning running around after his whirlwind of a daughter.

The day draws out, steadily lulling into late morning with only one medical run for a kid having an allergic reaction. Chimney comes back to proclaim it hadn’t even been real, the mom had just been lying to everyone so her son wouldn’t be given any sweets. She’d only fessed up when they tried to take the kid on the ambulance because she didn’t want to foot the bill. 

At around 11, an elderly slip and fall gets called and Chimney immediately calls ‘not it’, so Eddie heads out with a pair of mostly unfamiliar faces. 

They arrive to find a woman on the floor of her bathroom, shook up from being unable to get up but otherwise unharmed. Mrs. Rogers, is on the further side of 80 and feeling the effects everyday, shyly explains that she’d been cleaning when her feet came out from under her.

“I’m so sorry,” Mrs. Rogers insists, something almost frantic in her voice, “I didn’t want to bother you but I didn’t have anyone else to call.”

Eddie can’t help but to remember his own Abuela falling on the porch steps, with only Chris to call anyone for her. This little old woman, alone in her bathroom with only the luck that her phone had been in her pocket, makes his heart ache. 

So he takes a little more time with her, gently checking her over while making idle conversation. Asking about the pictures of kids in the entryway and advising her that they’ll need to go to the hospital when she tells them about a recent adjustment to her meds. She resists at first, but agrees eventually when she can’t come up with another reason for her fall. Eddie, in charge more by default of being the only regular to the shift, hustles them up and out the door. 

The ride is short, but they hand her off to the nurses with little issue and leave with eager talk of lunch.

They call ahead to the station and get the go ahead to stop at a burger joint on the way back. The wait is a little long, but the smell of hot greasy food seems worth it. 

He’ll hate himself for every second he wasn’t rushing back, but that’s for later.

Pulling into the bay, Eddie has no sense of dread. This is another day, in a string of days spent until they get back to normal. Except it really isn’t, because as soon as he hops out of the passenger seat he hears Cap shout down from the balcony.

“Eddie!”

Cap’s voice is choked up, grating with emotion that never bodes well from their calm and collected leader. His eyes, even at a distance, are clearly rimmed with red. Chimney is nowhere to be seen and there is a haunting silence permeating the entire station. 

Eddie’s stomach falls away. Something terrible has happened.

“Hen called.”

Chapter Text

Central Command is a collection of tents several miles downhill from Baldy Fire along a road and overtaking the parking lot of a general store. Dust and ash cover everything, from the people to the equipment. Eddie has spent three days here on and off, but stepping foot into camp now feels akin to entering an alien world. 

He is not here as a firefighter, reporting for duty. Tonight, Eddie is the spouse of a missing first responder. 

There’s been an exception made to let them in camp, so there must not be many firefighters missing. Easier to keep the spouses together than let any of them run off to search and end up needing rescue themselves. 

There’s an older dark haired woman there already, only a few decibels from yelling, “But it just rained! It shouldn’t be this bad!”

The firefighter waiting for them, a full foot taller than her and cowed nonetheless, puts his hands up in surrender. The poor guy looks exhausted, probably only rotated into this position after too many hours on brush duty. Eddie can help him. He should help him. 

“It was too long ago. All the new vegetation from the rain just dried out and became more fuel,” Eddie steps in. The guy, a kid really, visibly relaxes a little as the woman turns on Eddie. 

“How do you-“

“Firefighter Diaz,” Eddie cuts in, not willing to let her get on another roll right now, “I’ve been working the opposite shifts of my husband, Firefighter Buckley.” 

Eddie reaches out to take the still unidentified firefighter’s hand to shake. The nametag on the man’s chest reads “Nguyen” and his handshake is firm. Eddie takes a moment to wonder what house he’s from before asking, “Anything you can tell us about the situation?”

Firefighter Nguyen nods, clearly grateful to step away from the informal interrogation. 

“Firefighters Buckley, Wallace, Patel, and Ward were sent out to rescue a pair of civilians trapped behind the fireline,” the man leans in to Eddie, voice dropping in volume to let Eddie in on information he probably shouldn’t share, “Amateur wildfire photographers got in over their heads.”

“Amateur whats!?” 

The screech comes from much closer than the woman was a moment ago. Apparently, the height difference between her and Nguyen combined with the sound of the air tankers overhead worked in tandem to hide her closing in on their conversation. 

Nguyen spins, almost slipping in the gravel of the parking lot as he tries to get the woman into his eyeline while barely quieting a shout of, “Mrs. Wallace!”

“Are you telling me my Dave is in danger because of some idiots taking photos?” Mrs. Wallace practically screams. Her chest heaves, arms swinging at her sides. Her entire body swells with anger, but the movements can’t distract from the very real tears in her eyes. Eddie is more than familiar with channeling his emotions into anger. If it wasn’t for all the therapy, he’d probably express his worry as anger, too. 

Sadly, Frank has gotten to him. So instead of shouting, he eases his way in between them. 

“Look, it doesn’t matter why they were up there,” Eddie tries to smooth over the frantic energy without touching anyone, “the question is how long until someone can go in after them?”

Mrs. Wallace huffs, but waits for an answer anyway. 

Another man comes up, hustling through the camp with his jacket half on and dark skin dripping with sweat. 

“Mr. Ward?” Nguyen reaches his hand out to steady the man. 

“Judy, is she?” the man huffs out. 

“Firefighter Ward is still out there but we are doing everything we can to get to the group and get them out,” Nguyen soothes, “We have a waiting area set up in the tent over here for you all.”

Mr. Ward nods his head a little too forcefully, his big frame shaking a little. He’s scared, just like the rest of them. 

Eddie sticks out his hand to the newcomer, “Eddie Diaz, Firefighter Buckley’s husband.” 

The man takes a moment to focus on the offered hand, but does take it in a firm shake, “Bill. I..Judy’s husband.”

Mrs. Wallace sniffs. It could have come off condescending if it wasn’t for her red nose and bloodshot eyes. Mostly, she just looks sad. She doesn’t offer her hands from where they’re now shoved into her jacket, but does throw out, “Sharon Wallace. Dave wasn’t even supposed to be working tonight and now this.”

Eddie breathes out, lets the frustration at her comment pass. No one was supposed to be here tonight, but they all signed up to take care of the people of Los Angeles. Eddie knows it's different for Sharon, who did not make that commitment right alongside her husband. Shannon had certainly screamed the same sentiment at him about the army enough times for him to recognize it here.

Eddie did make that commitment right alongside Buck, and he still feels the frustration of knowing Buck didn’t have to be in danger right now. Wants to scream at the world to leave the man alone. Of anyone, surely Buck has been through enough? More than that, Chris has been through enough, he shouldn’t have to worry about losing another parent. 

Momentarily, Eddie regrets not taking Chris’ side after the bus rescue even as he knows he could never have managed to divert it into Buck stepping back instead. The other man would never go for it. His purpose is firefighting. Eddie isn’t selfish enough to take that away for his own peace of mind. 

Besides, they’d already learned the hard way how poorly that would go after Bobby tried to force the issue after the embolism. 

Firefighter Nguyen, who still hasn’t given a first name, probably in hopes that Sharon won’t be able to track him down later, leads them to a tent in the middle of camp. The flimsy walls block out drifting ash, providing meager protection for their long wait. 

Someone is sent to fetch them water, some station’s probie setting off at a jog. His hair is dusted in the ash the wind brings down off the mountain, a mask strapped to his face to prevent him from inhaling it. The wildfire glows above them, ominously threatening an unlikely descent. 

Wildfire doesn’t travel downhill. Usually. 

With their luck? Eddie refuses to get too comfortable. 

The probie returns, water bottles in hand and sympathy in his eyes. 

He wonders for a moment, why Patel doesn’t have anyone here. Let’s the concern, and the deep seated knowledge that Buck will not leave anyone behind, guide him to asking for Patel’s full name when the probie returns.

The guy startles, but tells him the man’s name is “Ram Patel” with no hassle. Bill takes his water and heads for the sole table set up at the side of the tent. Mrs. Wallace chugs her own water and begins pacing. 

Left with nothing else to do, Eddie sits in one of the chairs and, for the first time in two decades, prays including the others in his pleas for mercy.

— 

“They’re saying it’s arson.”

Eddie doesn’t answer her, too focused on praying. 

“Someone did this. Someone killed them.” Sharon says more forcefully. The woman is pacing the small area of their tent, feet stomping with all the impact she could manage. She wants someone to be angry with her, he knows. Instead his anger ignites at her. 

“They’re not dead.”

“It’s those stupid kids' fault. Didn’t think of anyone else when they went out to take stupid fucking photos,” Sharon starts in, swinging her head wildly to Bill, looking for companionship in her righteous anger. 

Bill’s head shakes, wobbling back and forth. He’s planted himself in a chair by the table, his bottle of water untouched beside him. It places him close to where Eddie himself has taken up the chair closest to the tent’s entryway. 

Sharon returns her attention to Eddie, because at least he’s angry. 

“They should have found them by now.”

“They’re not dead,” Eddie insists. They can’t be. Buck wouldn’t leave anyone behind, and Eddie would know if Buck was dead. Sharon’s head is already shaking furiously but Eddie continues before she can work up to a tirade, “Buck’s been through worse.”

These words stop Sharon in her tracks a little, just long enough for Bill to ask, “Worse?”

Eddie sighs, because he hates to get into Buck’s past traumas but they’re the thing holding Eddie’s head above water and maybe a part of him feels like he owes these fellow spouses the same hope.

“Remember when that ladder truck was bombed and a firefighter got stuck under it?” 

Bill’s eyes get wide, jaw dropping a little to interject, “He went back to work?”

Eddie laughs, “Only after he and our son got caught on the pier when the tsunami hit. Buck saved them both. Year before last? He got struck by lightning and his heart stopped. Buck is the most stubborn son of a bitch I’ve ever met. He’s not dying to this and he’s not going to leave his team behind. They’re alive.”

Bill and Sharon spend the next several minutes gawking at him in silence. Not really a counterpoint to that, he guesses. Eventually, Sharon plops down in a seat away from both Eddie and Bill, opting to brood alone if no one would join her.

In the momentary silence, a new voice chimes, “Hey, Eddie.” 

Hen enters from the open flap of the tent. Her wildfire gear is covered in soot, bright yellow near invisible under the grime. It’s dangerous, is the first thing Eddie can focus on, because the wildfire gear is that color so they can be easily spotted. He hopes Buck’s gear isn’t so covered in soot and ash that no one can find him in time. Because for all the bravado he’d given Bill and Sharon, Eddie’s a worrier. 

“Hen, is your shift over yet?” Eddie asks as he stands to meet her.

Hen’s lips purse, glasses riding up as her face scrunches up. She’s not happy to be relieved from rotation, even though she looks so exhausted that he’s not sure how she’s still standing. 

“I fought it. Wanted to be in the med tent when they found Buck but Chimney came in for a volunteer shift. He’s agreed to trade off until they find our other favorite disaster magnet.”

Eddie huffs, relieved to still have one of their own in the med tent. He knows, the way they all know, that while any other paramedic would do everything they can to save any victim, every member of the 118 will go above and beyond for each other. No hypotheticals about it. 

Bill and Sharon stare unsubtly from their seats, but Hen ignores them to take Eddie’s hand in her own. 

“Hey,” she says, rubbing her thumb along the back of his hand, “It’s Buck. If anyone is gonna be fine, it’s him. You know he just has to get a scare in every now and then to keep all our blood pressures up.”

A chuckle escapes Eddie, rippling through his chest to shake some of the weight off his shoulders. 

“Yeah,” he agrees, “probably driving the others crazy with his fun facts about wildfires. Bet they’ve heard all about how good it is for the natural ecosystem and the devastating effects on local communities.”

Eddie certainly has. Buck’s facts coming in fits and starts in the little time they get to spend together. Just yesterday, Buck had passed right out mid-sentence telling Eddie about acorns on the couch, big frame slumping over to rest his head on Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie hadn't been far behind. An hour later, they'd both woken to the sound of Chris asking about dinner with stiff necks. 

Chris’ scrunched up face had held all the judgement needed to get them up and preparing dinner. 

Hen huffs out a laugh and says, “Sounds like our boy.”

In the dim light of the tent, Hen’s face draws in concentration. Now, Eddie and Hen are no BuckandEddie or HenandChimney, they’re not even Buck and Hen, a duo formed by repeated chance, but they are still the kind of friends who can make a face at each other and convey complex messages. Currently, Hen doesn’t believe he’s as okay as the front he’s putting up. Eddie tries to make his face explain that he can’t get into it right now. 

She claps a hand on his arm and gives him a friendly shake, allowing him to dodge an emotional conversation for now, “Bobby is in the command center getting updates. He'll probably come check on you next.”

Thank god but also, “He doesn't have to-”

Hen covers his mouth with her hand, “Don't start.”

Eddie sighs but, unlike his husband would, does not lick her hand in retaliation. 

Hen herds him back to his seat, dragging another chair to sit beside him. They’re not touching, a respectable distance between their sides, but her presence is a balm to his soul nonetheless. The reminder that he is not alone in his worry for Buck strengthening his own mental stability.

“So,” Hen leans in to bump shoulders with him, “it’s been a few days since we’ve been on shift together…”

Eddie tilts his head to meet her inquisitive gaze. 

“Has it hit yet?”

Eddie rolls his head back, staring up at the tent ceiling like it might melt away to reveal the stars. It’s only now, after he’s realized the truth of his own feelings, that Eddie understands the question. Now that Buck is in danger, he finally understands how badly he wants to share the truth. 

“Yeah, actually,” Eddie takes pleasure in the way Hen’s face slackens with surprise, “hit me in Michael’s the other day. Buck was just being so… so Buck,” he waits for her to snort, “and I knew.”

Hen smiles at him, tinged in sadness. Her arm stretches to tuck around his shoulders and shake him a little in solidarity. She says, “Always at the worst time, huh?”

Eddie’s next laugh is not dignified, but it is honest as he replies, “With us? Of course it is.”

Hen spends another half hour with him, claiming to be waiting for a ride when they both know she could have headed down on one of the buses they have running personnel back and forth from town. Eventually though, she has to leave him there alone with his thoughts and prayers. 

Eddie goes back to praying. Sending up plea after plea to a God he doesn’t believe in. 

For hours he has begged with any power in the universe to spare his best friend. He couldn’t plead with God to fix his own mistakes with Chris or Shannon. Had simply powered through to the best of his ability. He’d deserved their punishment, why would God help him fix his own mistake?

Not Buck, please don’t take Buck from me. I won’t survive it. I need him. Chris needs him. If you care anything about what we deserve, Buck deserves to live.

This is not about what Eddie deserves.

Eventually, Bobby ducks into the tent. Eddie imagines the release of pressure at his Captain’s entrance isn’t dissimilar to having a burr hole drilled into his skull. Bobby’s entire demeanor is tense, the way it always is when Buck is in danger. 

Bobby doesn’t hesitate to clap a hand to Eddie’s arm and say, “Hey, Eddie.”

“Cap,” Eddie shoots up from his chair, “Any news?”

That Bobby has stepped away from planning is either a glowing endorsement of Buck’s safety or a complete indictment of it. The only scenarios where Bobby could be pulled away from the information center is if he was certain of Buck’s fate one way or the other.

Bobby takes a steadying breath before starting, “I just got out of the command tent-“

A voice cuts in, Sharon loudly announcing her entry to the conversation, “What's happening? Have they got a plan to get them out?”

His captain doesn’t take long to recover, more than used to dealing with stressed families of the public, “Ma’am-”

For the first time since they’d arrived, Bill is the one to cut someone off, “Please, we just want to know what's happening.”

They’re not going to get very far if people keep interrupting. Eddie knows this, but so does Bobby. He watches as his captain straightens his spine and puts on his most authoritative tone of voice. The one that commands people to listen for their own good. 

“The fire has burned out in the area of their last known location,” Bobby squeezes the hand still wrapped across Eddie’s arm in reassurance, “The fire is still too close for a copter rescue, the smoke would make it too hard to navigate. So, we're currently working on forming a break in the fireline big enough that we can go in and extract everyone.”

The man is careful to look at Bill and Sharon as he says it. Right now, Eddie is one of them. Just the concerned family of the firefighter putting their life at risk. Except Eddie knows more, can do more than the others.

Even knowing he will be turned down, Eddie has to at least ask, “Do they need-”

Bobby, face still in that all-knowing look he shared with his wife says, “You are not going in as a volunteer.”

“Bobby, I can help.”

“You could,” Bobby soothes, “but you'll be more help here. Once Buck is safe, he's going to need you.”

He would. Even if Buck made it out without a scratch, he would be exhausted. If he is hurt? Eddie will need to ride to the hospital with him. Will have to make the calls as his medical proxy now. Eddie will have his husband’s life in his hands. 

No time for that now, as long as Buck is not here, he could be perfectly fine. 

Schrodinger’s husband. Buck isn’t hurt until he’s confirmed hurt. Buck’s not dying until someone finds him. He’s also not fine until Eddie has laid his own eyes on him. 

Bobby’s probably right to keep Eddie here in the family tent. He’s not sure he could concentrate on anything but Buck out in the field. 

Finally, Eddie concedes, “… he'd be pissed if I got hurt trying to pull him out.”

“God knows we can only have one of you hurt at a time,” Bobby agrees genially. “You'd be insufferable worrying about each other.”

The words are a fond tease. Less of a genuine critique and more of a kind familial ribbing. They feel the way talking to his tíos sometimes does. All affection and no bite. The way he always wanted joking with his parents to feel, but never did. The way it always does with Bobby. 

Eddie has heard of people whose in-laws treat them as their own kids, truly part of the family. He just never thought he’d be one of them. If he can even consider Bobby his pseudo-in-law and not ‘the dad he never had’ in his own right. 

“You say the sweetest things, Cap. Very motivational.” Eddie rolls his eyes to the ceiling in mock exasperation. 

Cap grins back at him, shoulders relaxed a little as he shoots back, “I do my best. Hey, give it a couple hours. I'll keep you updated.”

Outside, a commotion grabs their attention. 

–

A small crowd has gathered outside, blocking the view of a vehicle. When Eddie shoves his way to the front, he sees a woman being yelled at for her recklessness by her captain. Even through the debris on her wildfire gear, he can read the name ‘Chokshi’ on her back. A man stands at her shoulder, shoulders slumped and gear reading ‘Patel’. 

Patel.

Ram Patel.

Eddie spins, hope welling up in his chest. It’s a common enough name, but logic cannot keep him from scanning the scene with desperate eyes.

He catches a flash of a young man with Sharon's nose and chin being pulled down into the woman’s arms (oh, not husband that’ll teach him for making assumptions) and Bill stumbling forward towards a woman before his focus is narrowed to the broad figure emerging from the back seat of the vehicle. 

Hunching out from the back seat, his bulk making the squeeze awkward, is Buck. 

The world goes fuzzy to Eddie’s vision, everything blurring until the only thing he can really see is Buck shining in the artificial lights of the camp, alive and healthy and looking around the gathered crowd for someone. 

Eyes meet. 

Buck grins at him. 

Somewhere in the in-between, Eddie is suddenly upon him, slamming their lips together in a fierce kiss. 

Buck’s mouth tastes of ash and his lips are chapped. His hair is absolutely covered in the stuff and it coats Eddie’s hand as he cradles the back of Buck’s head. The grit beneath his fingers betrays how close he’d gotten to losing his partner. 

An arm closes around him, pulling him out of the kiss and into a hug. Eddie uses the hand in Buck’s hair to tuck him into Eddie’s neck so he can bury his face in the side of Buck’s head. He gets a nose full of dirt for his trouble, but can’t care enough to stop. 

The position places them in just the right spot for Eddie to whisper, “You have to stop scaring me like this,” directly into Buck’s ear. 

Buck doesn’t giggle the way he normally would. He instead mumbles a little apology, the brush of air against his neck sends sparks up Eddie’s spine. Buck has brushed off so many near death experiences as little more than an everyday inconvenience. Whatever happened out there…

Eddie can’t dwell on it right now. They’ll talk it out later, after he’s gotten Buck medically cleared, clean, and tucked into their bed for at least a full day.

Pulling away from their hug is akin to peeling his own skin off but he needs to know if Buck is hurt. 

He grasps up at the side of the taller man’s head to check him for head injuries but comes up blessedly unmarred except for a disgusting layer of dirt and ash and sweat. In his arms, Buck shivers a little and Eddie’s hand squeezes his side in reassurance. When he leans back to check over more of Buck, he doesn’t make it far because Buck’s arms do not release him. 

Over his shoulder, someone clears their throat and Eddie is thrown headlong into the awareness of just how many people are surrounding them. Not least of all, Bobby, who had followed him from the waiting tent. 

Bobby’s eyebrows are nearing his hairline but he only wryly shakes his head at Buck’s sheepish grin. 

Eddie pulls himself mostly away from Buck, leaving only a hand at the center of his back where Eddie can feel his heartbeat. 

The space is quickly filled with Bobby, yanking Buck down into the crushing hug of a worried father. 

Eddie only barely catches the murmur of, “You okay, kid?” from Bobby as he scans the crowd for another face he knows will be here soon. 

There are two kids, maybe college age, being reprimanded loudly and a scattering of volunteers trying not to look too closely at them. Mrs. Wallace is sobbing into firefighter Wallace’s neck as the poor kid tries to calm her down. Bill has lifted his wife clear off her feet in a giant hug, her small frame being dwarfed by him. 

Chimney, standing much closer to the front than Eddie anticipates, is gaping at them in utter disbelief. Eyes flitting to and fro as he tries to piece together this newly public dynamic of Eddie’s marriage. When their eyes meet, Chimney’s mouth scrunches up in some attempt to mouth a question to him. Except Chimney can’t seem to decide what question to ask so he just makes increasingly funny shocked faces.

There’s a levity to the motion, breathing fresh air into Eddie’s lungs for the first time in hours. Buck is safe, his friends are here, and Eddie can be amused at Chimney’s facial expressions. There is little doubt that Hen will be hearing all about this reunion within the hour. The phantom ping of his phone predicts a flood of texts he’ll get from Hen and Maddie both. 

(Actually, he’s not sure how surprised Maddie will be. Smart money says Maddie knows something already and inferred even more. As a friend group they are pretty bad at secrets but Buck and Maddie are even worse. Buck hasn’t been panicking at Eddie about any of this, so he’s probably been panicking at Maddie since day one.)

Chimney’s eyes meet Eddie’s in question, but Eddie just shrugs. He can’t explain any of this to Chimney when he hasn’t even talked any of it out with Buck. Instead, he gestures Chimney forward. 

Bobby’s still hugging Buck when he turns back, only a few seconds later. He’s squeezing Buck so hard that Buck’s going a little pink but Eddie knows better than to interrupt. An inaudible murmur passes between the two before they finally release each other from the hugs. 

Eddie uses the chance, and the hand he still has on Buck’s back, to pull Buck back into his space. Chimney claps a hand to Bobby’s back in two quick pats as he joins them. 

“Welcome back, Buckaroo,” Chimney grins, “why don’t we get you checked out so you can call your very worried sister and tell her you’re fine.”

Buck laughs a little, voice scratchy from breathing in bad air for hours. He leans into Eddie. The press of his weight combining with the sound of his laughter causes Eddie such immense joy that he can’t understand how he never knew. 

I have to tell him.

—

Eddie doesn’t stray far from Buck while Chimney gives him his required check-up. 

Eventually, Bobby offers to drive them home in Eddie’s truck. For his part, Eddie’s hands are still shaking a little so he bundles Buck into the back seat and shoulders his way in beside him. In the front, Bobby looks the picture of a dad shuttling his kids around.

The drive is quiet, nothing but the hum of the engine soothing Buck into a well deserved doze. Bobby waits until they turn onto Eddie’s street to tell him that Athena is already waiting out front to pick him up and that they both have the next day off to rest. Eddie doesn’t ask who will cover his shift, he’ll just make it up to them another time. 

When they arrive, Bobby hops out to slide right into Athena’s SUV. 

Eddie corrals Buck inside, saying brief hellos to Carla before she heads out. It’s normal really, the way they come in late and exhausted. They let Carla gently tease them even as she assures them there is dinner in the microwave and that she’ll be coming over to take Chris to school in the morning, don’t you argue with me. 

They dance around, a familiar ritual of Eddie not wanting to ask too much of her and Carla waving away his worry.

“Even if we weren’t friends and I hadn’t gotten that much time with Christopher since he’s all grown up now, the state still pays me to help you when you need it. And this,” she says, somehow towering over him with all her confidence despite the height difference not being in her favor, “is a time you need it. Now go get our boy and yourself to bed.”

Eddie has a heart-stopping moment, where he can see the couch from his vantage point. No indication that it’s been slept on in weeks, because it hasn’t been. While most people might not notice that, given how infrequently they have visitors, Carla definitely noticed. 

And sure, his cousins probably assumed since they spent Christopher’s welcome home party congratulating him, but that isn’t the same as Carla knowing. His cousins can only speculate, Carla had real confirmation that they share a bed. 

His throat feels tight, chest squeezed by an invisible grip on his heart. He’s not ready for everyone to know. 

He was so stupid, to think he could do this with everyone knowing. God, he’d kissed Buck in front of everyone at the camp with no regard for who saw. Bobby would have questions. Chimney would never be able to keep it to himself. Any illusion of time Eddie had to reconcile his feelings in privacy is gone. 

It’s not exactly now or never, except in the case of a united front. 

But if there is one thing that Eddie wants to be able to rely on in the face of a torrential downpour of questions, it’s a united front with Buck. 

Telling Buck has gone from wanting to tell the other man he loves him in the morning when they’re both rested, to needing to tell him tonight before they have to face the music in the morning. Buck should know where Eddie’s head is at after Eddie kissed him in front of everyone. 

Time to buck up and confess his feelings. 

Carla’s knowing expression is more than enough to have Eddie try to move her towards the door. 

He finds Buck in the kitchen, trying to get some water down before he showers. 

His shoulders are caved in. He’d tried to wipe away what he could back at camp, changing into the clothes Eddie kept in the truck for him inside the medical tent but the shirt has streaks of darkness and his face is still a mess. 

This isn’t the time for a conversation about Eddie’s feelings, but they need to have it anyway. 

He can’t figure out how to start it, though. 

Lucky for him, Buck is always around to cover his back.

“Eddie-” Buck hesitates, “I’m so sorry.”

He’s staring into his glass of water, looking for answers in the transparent liquid. Eddie knows this look. He knows the slope of Buck’s shoulders and the downturn of his mouth. That’s the way Buck always looks when he’s blaming himself for things he could never have truly prevented. Buck is about to apologize for something he couldn’t control. 

He doesn’t want to hear it, “Buck-”

“No, Eddie. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” His chin juts out. The stubborn tilt of his jaw that says he will not be kept from his goal. 

Eddie hates that look, it usually precedes Buck disregarding himself in favor of others, “I- It’s not your fault. We both know our jobs are dangerous.”

He watches as Buck releases the glass of water to clench his fists, as if Eddie has said exactly the wrong thing. To Buck, easy forgiveness probably feels unearned. To Eddie, there’s nothing unearned about it. 

“Yeah,” Buck starts slow, blue eyes capturing Eddie’s attention with a hypnotist’s gaze, “but I’m trying to be better about scaring everyone like that.”

What else could Eddie say to that but, “Thank you. Still not your fault.”

The space of time between letting Buck out of his reach has been mere minutes and also an eternity. So Eddie doesn’t begrudge himself for pulling Buck out of his chair and up into Eddie’s arms. Buck is too big to cradle in one’s arms, but Eddie gives it a hell of a try. They rock back and forth just a little, alternating taking on the other’s weight in a sort of dance. 

Eddie has never gotten more physical affection than he has in the past few weeks. He’s surprised to find that he likes it. 

“I’m declaring a once a year limit on life threatening scares,” Eddie shoves at Buck’s shoulder, pushing him out of the hug to meet Eddie’s eyes. He bumps into the table, causing a clatter that they both ignore. 

Buck huffs and shakes his head, amusedly answering, “I’ll try my best.”

Buck’s face scrunches, cheeks going pink, eyes sparkling, and suddenly Eddie isn’t so worried. He has to bare his soul tonight, but it will be to Buck. Buck will never be cruel about Eddie’s feelings. 

“Hey,” Eddie stops Buck before he can leave the kitchen to shower and call his sister. “I need to tell you something.”

Buck startles back at the words, “O-okay? Sounds serious.”

He’s immediately nervous in a way Eddie does not want. Arms twitching and body swaying to let out the excess energy created by his sudden anxiety. To try and soothe some of the concern Eddie says, “Yeah… yeah it’s kinda serious but I don’t think it’s bad?”

Buck nods, slow and stuttering. The skin around his lips goes white as he presses them together and Buck’s brow is furrowed. 

“So, I realized something the other day. And I thought I had time to sort it out in my head but then you were- and I didn’t know- God, Buck, you have to stop almost dying.”

Irrepressible, Buck tries to soothe his worries away by adding, “Well, I don’t think I was ever too close? We ducked down into a deep ditch pretty fast and covered ourselves in dirt to keep the fire and heat away. Got pretty hot but we had enough time to remove the vegetation from around us after we realized we were stranded.”

“Good, but this entire team has a fucking history of near death experiences. So, I really should have known better, you know?”

He takes a steadying breath, looks Buck in the eye, and tells him the truth. 

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” which, yes but not the point, “I don’t mean that in a- I mean it but not in a guilt trip way. I’m already fucking this up.”

Buck laughs at him, the asshole. Why does he love this guy? 

(Because the laugh is reassuring and the teasing glint in Buck’s eyes lights a fire in Eddie’s chest.)

“Need some help there?” Buck asks. 

“No.” Eddie snaps back playfully, watching Buck’s face transform in a hundred ways as he relaxes. No longer worried about the content of what Eddie needs to say if they can play fight their way through the tension. 

“Okay, look,” Eddie pulls out the chair next to Buck’s, sitting down so they can be face to face. 

“A couple days ago, I had this realization. I kind of knew you’re everything I want in a partner but I didn’t understand how I meant it. Because I don’t just mean it as work partners or best friends. I-“

He grabs at Buck’s forearm, desperate to have any kind of contact with him as he pours his heart out. 

“I- You- I always want you here. I want you to be part of our family forever. I want you to be my husband and Chris’ other dad for the rest of our lives. I want-”

Staring into Buck’s face, the words finally come to him. 

“I want you to know that I wonder how your day went when we’re apart. I need you to know that I look forward to every rant about your latest research project. That I feel better every day knowing we can tackle our problems together. You- God Buck you came into my life and everything got easier. You found Carla to help me and you stepped up to take care of Chris without a second thought. You’re just so good. To me- to everyone. It’s so obvious now that I can’t believe it took me so long but Buck- I need you to know how much I love you.”

The sound Buck makes is wet and bordering on a sob. Eddie feels his own eyes well up in response. 

“Because, I do,” Eddie swallows down his nerves, “I’m in love with you, Buck.”

He holds Buck’s gaze even as Buck’s jaw drops a little, a futile attempt to form words that Eddie can’t allow him to say, yet.

“And I know that isn’t really fair to say now. But I- I didn’t-” Eddie stutters, trying to wrestle the emotions he can only begin to name into sentences that can convey his apology, “I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time, but I promise you I didn’t realize before the wedding. I’m sorry.”

Buck laughs a little, not a chuckle of amusement but a kind of high pitched giggle of hysteria, then says, “Honestly, that makes you better than me because I already knew I was in love with you when I said yes. Eddie- God, you have no idea. You make everything in my life better. Since the moment we shook hands outside that ambulance. I- I always give Abby a lot of credit for who I am but she has nothing on you. You and Chris. I was just some stupid lost kid and I probably would have been that same lost kid searching for purpose, except you happened. And you trusted me to help you and you wanted to spend time with me and-”

Buck’s words tumble over each other, getting faster and faster as he tries to force them out. 

“Eddie. Of course I love you, too. I wanna spend all my time with you, too! I want to make your life easy, because you deserve to have someone help make that happen. At work and at home and everywhere in between. Marrying you was probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done because I knew I was in love with you and you didn’t love me back. Not like that. So don’t apologize for being in love with me. It’s the best news I think I’ve ever gotten.”

Eddie’s hands take on a life of their own as they reach to pull Buck down into a soft kiss. Buck’s mouth still tastes awful and his lips are still chapped and Eddie has never known a better kiss. Someone is crying, the salty tears mixing with all the dust still on Buck’s face to create a mess across them both. 

Eddie or Buck, he honestly can’t keep track anymore, finally pulls away from the kiss but immediately leans in to press their foreheads together. Eddie breathes in this moment, perfect no matter the crisis and the circumstances and any number of other complications.

“I am in love with you, Evan Buckley." 

The moment shatters when Chris tumbles through the door. His face painted with absolute fury. He’s practically hissing in anger, spitting out the words, “you can’t!” 

“Chris-” Buck tries, shifting to put himself in the middle of the building tension. 

“No!” Chris shouts, “you can’t! That wasn’t what I wanted!”

“Christopher,” Eddie tries, “kiddo, let’s talk about this.”

“This is so stupid!” Chris continues, “You always do this! I didn’t even want you to actually get married! I only asked cause I thought you wouldn’t do it!”

Chapter Text

The Diaz kitchen sits frozen, silence thick in the air as Eddie stares at his son in shock. 

I only asked cause I thought you wouldn’t do it!

At his elbow, Buck makes a noise like someone punched the breath from his lungs. The wheeze of air reminds Eddie that Buck has spent the better part of the day breathing in contaminated air from the source. He could really use that shower, steam to help clear his airways and a chance to wash away the detritus he couldn’t wipe away.

Their eyes meet, uncertainty reflecting back at each other. 

Eddie’s actions were the catalyst for this problem, he needs to at least take the reins long enough for Buck to grab a shower. 

So, Eddie takes control. 

“Okay, you,” Eddie gestures to Chris where he stands frozen in the doorway as if shocked by his own confession, “sit. Buck, go take that shower before you pass out.”

The way Buck and Chris’ jaws both flex in the exact same stubborn little jut makes Eddie’s heart skip a beat. It’s incredible to see, sometimes, the ways in which Chris reflects both of them back. Their influence shaped in new ways on a brand new person to form a kid they both loved so dearly. 

A kid that doesn’t want them to be in love. 

Their kid who most definitely wasn’t going to get his way on that front, but who they loved enough to talk it out. 

His boys huff in chorus, a little symphony of family noise that brings warmth to Eddie’s heart. He tucks it away in his heart, knowing he’ll need the happy feeling for this conversation. 

Eddie starts with the less stubborn of his opponents, Buck.

That probably isn't a popular opinion, but Eddie happens to know that all he needs to really do is look Buck in the eye as sincerely as he can and say, “please.”

Buck caves, quickly and reliably. 

(The key is to ask Buck for something he can do immediately while letting the full weight of your worry bear down on him. His soft heart folds immediately and doesn’t have time to work around it.)

Buck’s shoulders slump, dirty face softening with worry as he glances down at Chris before locking eyes with Eddie. His eyes drill intensely into Eddie, obviously trying to convey the fact that he would come running back if Eddie just said the word loud enough.

He tries to make his own face convey to Buck that he can be trusted with his own child long enough for Buck to shower. 

Buck sways towards him, as if to lean in for a kiss but diverts before he can get too close. Instead, he brushes a hand against Eddie’s arm in a gesture of comfort and physically hesitates to do the same for Chris. Another hurdle they’ll have to tackle. After Eddie gets the real story out of Christopher. 

As Buck heads down the hall with an unintelligible murmur, Eddie gestures Chris down onto a kitchen chair before sitting on the adjacent one, landing heavy in front of Chris and turning to face him as he starts, “Okay, I'm gonna need you to walk me through this one, kiddo.”

Chris’ face is screwed up, looking as sour as a lemon. He starts and stops several times, searching for words that don’t come easily. His head stays tilted down, avoiding looking at Eddie. Chris’ curls fall across his glasses to shield his eyes from scrutiny. 

Chris’ mouth opened and closed three times before words started coming out like water bursting out of a dam, “I just wanted you not to date. I thought if I told you I wanted you to marry Buck you’d say no and then I’d be able to ‘compromise’,” here Christopher actually brings his hands up to make air quotes around the word as if this was just a silly anecdote instead of a life altering plot that backfired, “I just… I wanted you not to date cause everyone you date leaves us and doesn’t come back.”

The words hit like a ladder truck to the chest. Of course this all lead back to Eddie’s terrible dating history still. What else could have been the cause? 

“Jesus Christ.” Eddie whispers as he leans back, dragging his hand down his face. There’s so many layers to dig through and they weren’t going to make it to family therapy before they could address it. 

One issue at a time.

“Okay,” Eddie takes a deep breath. Down the hall, he can hear the shower running, washing the day from Buck’s skin. Eddie wishes he could be there with him, letting the stress wash down the drain instead of under the fluorescent lighting of their kitchen working through the reason his son lied about wanting them to get married. 

“Okay. Um…,” He drops his hand to keep his sight on Chris. “One thing at a time. You only asked for me to marry Buck…. As a negotiation tactic?

Chris’ chair creaks as he slumps back, body curving in like a wilted flower. His lips are pursed in a pout that brings to mind a much younger version of this same boy staring up at him from this same table asking if his mom was really never coming home this time.  

“It worked on Grandma all the time,” Chris finally begins, “She wouldn’t let me do anything on my own. Then one day Julie was telling me about her dad haggling at the farmer’s market and I thought maybe that could work. So like, if I wanted to hang out with someone after school, I’d ask to sleep over at their house and then when grandma said no we could ‘compromise’ to at least hang out and she would say yes cause she thought she got her way.”

Eddie can never leave his mother in charge of Chris again. Not that he ever plans to, because frankly he won’t be letting her so much as see his son until she can learn to respect Eddie as a parent. Which is highly doubtful to ever happen if he’s honest with himself. However, between this and his own teenage pregnancy, her track record of caring for teenage boys is in the toilet.

Suddenly, Eddie is just a little less insecure in his own child-rearing abilities. When Chris had been feeling confined by Eddie’s overprotective tendencies, they’d only needed one grounding and a good conversation to resolve it. Although, he didn’t so much fall for this ploy as trip over it into a positive life decision. 

“So you-” Eddie reaches for Chris’ hand, trying to get the teen to pull his head up and look at Eddie, “okay. So you asked me to marry Buck… as the big ask to get compromised on?”

There’s this moment, when silence bursts into noise and Eddie always instinctively braces himself. Buck and Chris like to tease him for never reacting, but the truth is Eddie freezes, becoming a solid block of ice that doesn’t give away his position. 

Better to assess with, but not helpful when his son springs forward to burst out, “YEAH! WHO WOULD SAY YES TO THAT DAD? YOU WEREN’T EVEN DATING!”

Eddie is desperate to pull things back, “Chris, please tell me you can see how this was not an appropriate response?” 

He wishes he could retreat from the emotional cliff they’re rapidly approaching. He doesn’t want this to be a repeat of the day Christopher left. Chris, though, is on a roll as he practically spits out, “But everyone you date leaves and never comes back. Ms. Flores said she loved me and then she never even talked to me again. I have a phone and Marisol hasn’t even tried to text me!”

Chris’ entire frame shakes a little with the emotions overcoming him. Eddie remembers what it was like, to contain so much righteous anger as a teen that it spilled over the edges of his entire personality. He’s also intimately familiar with the hurt that lies underneath all that anger. Frank has spent more than enough time helping Eddie dig that hurt up and examine why it makes him so angry. 

His son has been a bystander in Eddie’s own dating drama for so long. He’d hadn’t thought Chris was that attached to either woman enough to be hurt like this, but clearly Eddie had been blinded by his own attachment issues. Chris doesn’t have the same issues with Eddie’s relationships as he does. Of course he doesn’t, he wasn’t the one dating them. He didn’t have an unacknowledged sexuality crisis waiting in the wings holding him back from these women his dad was dating. They were just nice women who hoped to one day step into at least a guardian role in Christopher’s life and acted like it.

Down the hall, the sound of the shower turns off. The remaining silence is the only sound Eddie can hear over the ringing in his own ears. Chris must hear it too, because his body language softens again, tension draining into despair. 

“If you date Buck and then break up…” Chris whispers, trailing off at the end with pure despair in his voice.

The teen slumps back again, defeat already draping across his thin shoulders. Eddie wants to lift the trouble from his son’s shoulder with his bare hands. If only it was a matter of physical strength. 

“Buddy,” Eddie tries, “none of that is your fault. You know that right. They weren’t trying to leave you.”

Except Chris shouts back, with all the blind cruelty of an angry teen, “No, they left me because they hated you. And now Buck is gonna do the same thing!”

Ouch.

Eddie allows himself to feel the way that rips through him for just a moment. He also shuts down the urge to get up and run from this as fast as possible.

His heart begs Eddie to stand up, to avoid confronting this head on by himself. Wants to send Chris to his room until he’s calmed down. 

Chris stewing in his room won’t help, though. That’s why they’re having this conversation right now. Last time he retreated to his room, Chris called his grandparents to come get him and Eddie doesn’t know if he can survive that happening again.

So he tells himself he can breakdown on Frank later. Right now he needs to be here for his son. 

“That’s not the same,” Eddie says. Chris pulls his hands away from Eddie’s so he lets his own hand fall to Chris’ knee. “Buddy, that is not the same at all. Buck could hate my guts for the rest of time and he would still never abandon you. You have to know that.”

“But what if he does?” Chris asks with a little desperate whine behind the anger in his voice. 

“Well, we’re not just dating. Buck agreed to marry me.” Eddie hopes to lighten the mood by reminding Chris that this entire ordeal has made their link to Buck far more permanent than any of Eddie’s past girlfriends. 

Except, there’s a glaring error to that logic. One that Chris is not afraid to point out, “That didn’t stop Mom from leaving.”

And Eddie has no answer for that. No point he can parry with. Shannon *had* left them, despite being married to Eddie and more importantly being Chris’ parent. How can he claim that the same ties will keep Buck with them? He can’t even tell Chris that Eddie himself had never left, because it would be a lie. 

“What if Buck leaves just like Mom did?”

They both deflate, with those words out in the open. 

This, Eddie realizes, is the real heart of the issue. The ghost of Shannon, haunting their family like an unfriendly specter. 

Sometimes, in the quietest part of his heart, Eddie hates Shannon. Not for anything she’s done to him, because he knows he’d done just as bad to her, but for what she did to Chris. At 14, Chris has spent more time without his mother than he ever did with her. Their son knows the absence of a parent well, he can’t be blamed for bracing to lose another. 

Buck isn’t like Eddie or Shannon though. He doesn’t run from the people he loves when problems come up, he clings harder. He fights to be there for you. Hell, he sued the LAFD just to get back to the team. Buck wants to be closer when there’s trouble. Even when he strategically retreated from his parade of babysitters post-lightning strike, he’d run to them. To Eddie’s home and his couch and he’d talked to Eddie when he wasn’t ready to talk to anyone else.

 Eddie had known he would, it’s why he refused to be put on Maddie’s schedule. He simply left his metaphorical door open and waited. As predictable as clockwork, Buck appeared. 

If there is anyone in the world Chris never has to worry about leaving, it’s Buck. 

Which means that all of Chris’ anxiety is just that. Buck is never going to leave him, there’s no world where that happens. No amount of reassurance will be empty promises, Eddie can just tell him the truth and trust that Buck will be there. 

“Chris,” this time Eddie doesn’t let Chris dodge his gaze, he needs the boy to understand that he means this with everything he believes, “Buck is not going to leave us. Not if he has any say in it.”

“But what if he doesn’t have a say? If something happens to you then grandma will- she’ll come and she won’t-“ Christopher struggles to get it out but Eddie can already tell where this is going, “Grandma said that he’d have to leave someday, cause he’d get a real family and wouldn’t need us anymore.”

Eddie can feel his blood boil, so this is what his mother has been saying in her secret talks with his son. It’s just like her to wear down someone until they submit to the version of reality she wants to enforce. She’d done the same thing to him, wearing him down with words about how she was the only one who could raise Christopher right until he took his son and fled to LA. 

He’d just…. Thought she wouldn’t do that to Christopher. Eddie had believed that she loved Chris more than she loved to be in control. 

“First of all, if something happens to me, your grandmother is not going to take you away. I didn’t want you to worry about it, so I’ve never told you. But, Chris if something happens to me, Buck is the one who gets custody of you. Not your grandparents.” Eddie wants to let the information sink in, but he keeps going anyway. There will be time later and so very many family therapy appointments to work through that tidbit so long as Chris knows he is never going to be spirited away against his will. 

“When I tell you Buck is not going to leave you, you have to believe me,” Eddie adds but Chris already has more of Helena’s words spilling from his lips with unearned certainty.

“But I tricked him!” Chris whispers now, probably trying not to be overheard, “I asked you guys to get married and you actually did it! What if he hates me when he realizes I was using him to try and trick you into not dating? Grandma said when he found out-”

Eddie reaches out to cradle Chris’ head between his hands, doing his damndest to convey the truth of his next words. 

“Buck could never hate you. He loves you, and even if you actually did something to hurt him, Buck would forgive you.”

“You can’t know that,” there is no heat left in Christopher’s words, only an aching fear Eddie wishes to wipe away. 

“I can,” he wishes he could somehow gift Chris the surety he himself feels, “I can know that because Buck loves you.”

His son’s eyes swim with tears, distress finally overcoming the angry front, his entire body crumpling forward out of the kitchen chair and into Eddie’s arms. Eddie welcomes him without thought. 

“And…” Eddie continues when an idea comes to him, Chris’ head tucked under his chin and tears streaming down both of their faces, “if it would make you feel better, we could talk about Buck adopting you as your step-dad. Would that help?”

Chris hums a little, pressing his glasses into his father’s shoulder until the plastic creaks and asks, “What if he doesn’t want to?

With the timing of a man who had definitely been listening in, Buck takes the space before Eddie can answer to appear in the doorway and say, “Well, the only way I’d say no is if you didn’t want it.”

Eddie feels Chris’ head spin around to look at Buck before letting his own head turn. Buck has not taken the time to dry his hair, so his curls are dripping onto one of Eddie’s own oversized sleep shirts. The fabric stretches tight across Buck’s shoulders, his arms threatening to pop the stitches of the short sleeves. The pajama pants are Buck’s, long enough to bunch around his feet at the floor. Under the dim light, he looks soft. Eddie longs to wrap him into their hug.

“After all,” Buck continues, “it would be the greatest thing to ever happen to me if you agreed to let me be one of your dads.”

The sound of sniffles arise, the tone of Chris' voice still watery as he asks, “Really? You won’t get sick of us?”

Buck laughs a little, his levity flooding the darkness. The brightness of Evan Buckley fills their home as it has since the first time he stepped foot into the Diaz home.

“Are you kidding? Bud, I could never. You and your dad are the best part of my life. There’s a reason I agreed to marry your dad when you asked,” Buck grins as he replies, not a speck of doubt anywhere to be seen. 

Finally, Chris sounds miffed rather than heartbroken when he speaks, “That’s not actually reassuring because the whole thing was unhinged. You two got *married* because I asked you to.”

Buck’s head tips sideways, grinning at them both as he replies, “Actually, we did it because we love you. But also because I’m kinda hopelessly in love with your dad.”

In a display of true teenhood,

Chris just says, “Yuck.”

Buck throws his head back in laughter and Eddie isn’t far behind. Chris maintains his cool kid front for only a moment longer before he’s laughing along with them.

—

Eddie spends the last two hours talking to Chris about his mom and their life and how they needed to talk to each other rather than try negotiation tactics. There are almost no words left by the time they get to bed. 

Buck spent the time chiming in only as needed, unobtrusively making a late night snack while they had a frank conversation about Shannon, and slowly drifting off the deeper into the night they got. The second time Buck’s head slips down and nearly crashes into the table, Eddie calls for bedtime.

Chris waves them off as he goes to brush his teeth as Eddie texts Carla that Chris won’t be going to school tomorrow, after all. The bathroom sink comes to life down the hall, leaving Eddie to shuffle Buck to their room. Buck bumps into only one wall when his limbs get away from Eddie’s guiding hands before they are pulling the covers back. Buck has the brainpower left to shuck his shirt before he flops down on his stomach, arms reaching out for Eddie even as he sinks into the pillows. 

Eddie flops down, eliciting a quiet “oomf” from Buck that makes him laugh even as he’s dragged under Buck into their usual sleeping position. Buck’s face makes its way into Eddie’s neck unerringly, tucking his nose into the hinge of Eddie’s jaw. The weight of him on Eddie’s chest anchors Eddie down. The beat of his heart against Eddie’s drowning out the noise better than any fake thunderstorm recording could. 

They’ve been sleeping just like this for weeks, pressed together with Buck acting as the best weighted blanket Eddie could ever ask for, and yet Eddie appreciates it in a new light already. Just this afternoon, he’d almost lost this. Mere hours ago, Buck was missing in a forest fire and Eddie was stuck waiting in camp, praying to a God he doesn’t believe in. Now, Buck is pressed against him in their bed and they’ve confessed their love for each other. 

They love each other.

The thought brings a little grin to Eddie’s face, so he turns his head just a little to press his lips to Buck’s temple. The move shifts them just enough that Buck is no longer tucked into Eddie’s neck but he still gets a pleased grumble for his efforts. The sound shoots a tingle of satisfaction through Eddie and really he can’t go another minute without saying it again.

“Hey,” Eddie whispers. Buck hums, most of the way to drifting off already but makes a valiant effort to open his eyes in a squint to look at Eddie’s face. His nose scrunches up, bleary blue eyes having trouble focusing on Eddie and something in Eddie’s brain must be wired differently because he finds it might be the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. 

“I love you,” Eddie breathes into the silence, not out of desperation or anxiety, butt because he’s so overcome with the sheer size of his feelings that he could not contain the words if he tried. 

Buck’s eyes clear marginally, a private smile showing off his dimples as he leans up to kiss Eddie. Just a soft peck of affection that melts Eddie to his core. 

“I love you, too,” Buck whispers back when he pulls away, “and I’ll still love you after we get 12 hours of sleep.” 

Eddie chuckles involuntarily and replies, “Ambitious, I’m guessing we get about 6 before we’re disturbed by your early bird son.”

“Oh, so he’s my son when he’s not letting us sleep. I see how it is,” Buck huffs. He tucks his face back into Eddie’s neck, pressing his temple under Eddie’s chin this time. His weight settles, trapping Eddie’s arm underneath him. The limb will be numb soon, but Eddie can only believe it to be a worthy sacrifice. Buck’s eyes are already closed, letting Eddie stare at him unobserved.

He looks perfect to Eddie’s tired eyes. He wants this, every night for the rest of their lives. 

Jokes on him, he’s going to get it. 

—

JUNE 2025

Standing in Athena and Bobby’s backyard, looking out at the happy faces of their friends and family seated in fold out chairs, Eddie wants to thank the universe for its kindness. Beside him, Bobby is absolutely practically glowing with pride. At his shoulder, Chris leans forward to bump into Eddie with a teasing grin on his face. 

Eddie grins back and knows he must look like a lunatic. His cheeks hurt from how hard he’s been smiling for days on end, but there is nothing in the world that could bring him down from his euphoria at this moment. In just a few minutes, Buck is going to appear down the aisle in front of him, beaming right back at him with Maddie at his side to give him away and Eddie knows he’s going to cry. 

It’s okay though, because Buck will also be crying along with most of their friends. Karen is already in tears where she sits with Hen in the front row. The women lean into each other with a nostalgic look in their eyes, smiles radiating back at him when he glances their way. Next to them, Athena has May and Harry tucked into her sides looking pleased. 

She’d done a fantastic job, not that anyone doubted Athena Grant-Nash’s ability to throw a party. 

Behind everyone, the string quartet starts playing. A happy tune taking over the air, bringing a hush to their audience.

From the house, Chimney appears holding Jee-Yun’s little hand. She holds a basket of petals on her other arm and she’s bouncing with excitement in every step. Her white dress is a whirl of movement ahead of Chim’s legs, trying to tug her father forward faster so she can get to the best part: throwing things. 

Jee’s little grin is an exact mirror of Chimney’s own as they reach the back row of chairs and he finally releases her hand so she can fling petals all over the aisle. She giggles loudly the whole time, making everyone in attendance laugh with her. Chimney follows her down the aisle faithfully until the end when he tugs her to their seats.

The string quartet smoothly transitions into a new song. They’d opted out of “Here Comes the Bride” given there would be no bride in this situation. Eddie isn’t familiar with the song they’re covering, but the sound of bows dancing over strings is mere background to the main event.

From the house, the face Eddie has been dying to see all day appears. Buck is beaming, eyes locking onto Eddie without hesitation. His arm is tucked into his sister’s, probably to keep him from bolting down the aisle to the end the way his niece had nearly done. Maddie’s smile is not the unbridled joy of her brother’s, but it is genuine. Eddie hopes that means he won’t receive any threats this time. 

Buck’s eyes never leave Eddie as he walks down the aisle, but Eddie’s never leave him either. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from this moment if the sky started falling. Eddie wouldn’t dare to miss this for anything. 

Forever and a moment later, Buck is in front of him. Bobby starts speaking, but Eddie knows it’s not his turn yet so he doesn’t bother to listen to the words. He’s too busy soaking in the view of Buck in his nice suit, blushing with excitement. 

Maddie speaks as she passes Buck off to him, their hands meeting with a spark. 

The ceremony is a blur, mostly because Eddie can barely focus on anything but Buck. He says his vow when prompted, tears only one hand away to retrieve the ring Chris hands him (the same one Buck had taken off just before the ceremony, the rings meaning too much to them both to exchange for anything else), and tunes in just in time for “you may now kiss the groom.”

Buck tugs on his hand and Eddie gamely lets himself be dipped to the cheers of their family. When he comes back up, they tug Christopher into a hug. Kisses pressed into his hair to his mild teenage protest. 

They’ve been doing better, actually better this time. Talking to each other about everything instead of hoping time will heal their wounds. Last week, Eddie and Chris went to Shannon’s grave. Neither of them had cried as they talked to her. They’d gone home to Buck’s lasagna and a game night full of raucous elbow shoving. The night ended with Chris sprawled on the couch, whispering that he loved them in that shy teenage way that made no difference to how happy the words made Eddie feel. 

Three days ago, Buck and Chris went to the beach, as they now do every month. They’d come back sunkissed and light. The remnants of ice cream dripped on their clothes and serious conversations completed. BuckandChris time has done wonders for both of them, truth in motion repairing the damage Helena had done with her words. 

His parents are not here today. His father had called in the morning, wishing him a happy vow renewal where Helena couldn’t hear. 

They take about a million photos, all of which will show Eddie sappily staring into Buck’s eyes, but at least they’ll have matching expressions because Buck hardly ever looks away from him either. 

Hen had insisted on acquiring the cake from “her guy” so Eddie is not actually surprised to find the golden retriever and a black cat figurines wearing tuxedos on top. He takes special care to move them to safety as Buck laughs before they cut the cake together. Eddie smears a little bit of icing on Buck’s nose, just because he knows it will make Buck laugh. He gets an icing mustache in return that he makes Buck kiss off to their family’s groans. 

Night falls on their reception, here in the backyard decorated to celebrate their marriage they dance. Soft strings of light bouncing off Buck’s skin as they sway together. He looks like a dream, and for a minute Eddie worries this is too good to be true. Except Chimney promptly breaks out in some confusing version of breakdancing that almost sprains something and the fear is wiped away. 

Buck and Eddie lean on each other as they laugh before being pulled inevitably back into each other’s orbit. 

The entire day, from the moment they take hands at the altar to the moment they lay down at home, is sprinkled with three words repeated over and over. 

“I love you.”

---

THE END