Archive of Our Own ^beta

dream has nightmares.

he knows everyone has them once in a while, but his are more common. the longest he can remember going without any ever since they started is a mere week and a half.

and, of course, his friends know all about it.

it’s hard for them not to, when they’ve sleep-called enough times for them to be able to recognise shifts in breathing, rustling as he shifts endlessly. he doesn’t scream or fall off his bed in a tangle of blankets or anything dramatic like that. it’s quiet, only really noticeable to those who know him well, maybe better than he, himself does.

when he wakes up from the scenes he’s often disoriented, adrenaline making itself known through shaking hands and tears blurring his vision. if they’re not on call already, and dream feels bad enough, he’ll hit the first contact he can see and pray they pick up.

(they go through each others’ do-not-disturb modes, have for a long time.)

they sit for a while, enough to ground him in the present, and usually after half an hour or so it’s a coin flip whether he’ll hang up and go to bed, or they both end up falling asleep again, not hanging up.

there’s an in-joke about dream draining their battery, but none of them mind. they’ve just moved their chargers closer to their beds.

dream tugs the blanket further under his chin. tonight it was george, happy to rant about the newest plugin until dream fell back asleep, calm once again.

he listens to the small shuffles, not pressing the disconnect button and instead leaving the soft snores as his white noise, as some proof of existence.

it becomes a little easier when sapnap moves in.

they made a rule, early on, when dream had fallen asleep during a movie night and had woken drenched in sweat with his breaths harsh. sap, having seen and comforted him through it, promised dream that if he were to have a nightmare, or even just something he was struggling with, he had permission to come into sap’s room and sleep in his bed, instead.

dream had, understandably, been hesitant at first, but between the long nights and many quiet conversations, they fell into some kind of rhythm. dream didn’t wake him up usually, so every few days, sap would open his eyes to find dream laying next to him. it wasn’t anything major – having another nightmare in the same night was unusual for dream and he was calm in the mornings. no words exchanged about it, and the only ones who knew were the usual so-called ‘nightmare crew’ – sap, george, bad. there’d been a few instances of others, but those three were the main ones; after all, it was kind of a semi-open secret anyway, not able to excuse his tiredness or weird waking hours for this long without someone finding out.

it’s not a big deal either way. sometimes, dream doesn’t even go to sap’s room, instead calling someone like old times. sap doesn’t comment on it; he understands the need for someone specific, or that sometimes touch – which happens when you sleep in the same bed – was somewhat of a no-go.

the amount of times sap had found small notes with scribbled thank-you’s, or gifts more sentimental than otherwise valuable, were starting to become more than dream could track. it would still never be enough.

(even if he’s reminded of it every time he turns on his redstone ore nightlight. three years later, it still makes him smile.)

sap wakes up this time.

he blinks his eyes open to find dream, padding his way across the carpet to sap’s bed and crawling under the blanket.

“you ‘kay?” he rasps, startling dream. “sorry,” he mumbles, quieter.

dream wipes his eyes and sniffles.

“yeah, yeah, ‘m good.”

the tears falling off his face would be obvious evidence to the contrary, but sap isn’t concerned. it’s just dream crying it off, as he tends to. he may not physically move during it, but they’re emotionally taxing.

“hug?” sap asks, watching dream. he nods.

he raises an arm, laying on his side, and dream shuffles himself closer. it’s warm, and safe, and sap doesn’t really mind the way dream nuzzles into the front of his hoodie.

“better?” he hums, and at dream’s nod continues, “’m glad. good ni’, dreams.”

dream giggles before falling quiet. his arm worms its way around sap’s waist, and they fall asleep quietly, undisturbed.

dream doesn’t tell people about his past.

it’s not a thing, never has been really. the nightmare crew knows a little, but otherwise he guards it, the only thing about himself nobody can see. he’s cagey about his parents, he doesn’t have contact with them, and the nightmares are too frequent to be normal.

dream claims he’s fine, though, and the others have to agree because, well, he is. besides the nightmares and the silences a-second-too-long, dream’s learned to cope with everything. he’d even seen a therapist for a few years, although he’d stopped when he’d first blown up.

still, now in person, sapnap notices the occasional flinch or stutter or a-second-too-long. he knows it could be brushed off as one of dream’s many unfortunate relationships, but it could always be further back, a decade or more ago.

he doesn’t pry. the crew made a pact, years ago: never mention the quiet mumbles and pleas falling from dream’s lips when he’s asleep.

“can i ask you something?”

sap turns away from his setup. “sure, what’s up?”

dream sits down on the edge of sap’s bed. “uhm…” he fidgets with his fingers for a bit. “i… you–”

“take your time, buddy,” he says, comes to sit when dream pats the spot next to him. “i’m not going anywhere.”

dream huffs. “i… okay. i didn’t have great parents.”

sap looks down, then. common rule: don’t look when the other is being emotional.

“i started– was having nightmares before i left. and they… they never, like, helped.

“and then it just… i don’t know. my sister helped but– but i just– it was so cold, constantly, and, like, that’s why i’m so… so touchy, now. i’m like… making up. for it. y’know?”

sap doesn’t look up, but he notices dream’s hands shaking. he takes the one closer to him and intertwines it with his own. dream does a happy little sigh and he knows he did right.

“and i realised that, uhm… you three, the crew, are more my parents than… than i’ve ever had. my sister kind of… she took the mom role, but– but–”

sap squeezes their hands. “we’re like your dads?”

he sees as dream turns his head a little. “yeah,” he mutters, barely above a breath. “you are.”

sap sits with the idea for a moment, a moment which dream takes to calm his heart. they both take a second to breathe the strange air.

sap counts their fingers – five big, five small.

“i guess i–” dream breathes calmly. “i wanted to know if… if that was, like, okay, i suppose.”

dream gently hooks his leg around sapnap’s. it’s not quite hooking their ankles, their heights are too different for that, but it’s their own, silly version of it.

“why wouldn’t it be?” sap mumbles back, just as quiet, just as soft. “they’re your feelings.”

dream tilts his head just a little more, and sap tilts his too and their eyes meet and immediately dream’s lower again. “i don’t– i don’t know. i guess it’s just, like, weird, i guess.”

“it’s a bit unordinary, i suppose,” sap says, “but i think i get it. and if it helps… i don’t care. go ahead.”

dream smiles. “that… thank you, sap.”

they fall into a hug, and that’s how they spend the next half hour.

surprising everyone, sap is a decent cook.

he likes making breakfast for them both, in the quiet, late mornings. the ones where the kitchen has a somewhat golden tint, and where every sound seems to both echo and become drowned out.

it’s a small thing, his tradition in a sense. it makes dream smile happily at him, though, even after a restless night, so he does it anyway.

and speak of the devil – dream waddles in, sleep-addled. he yawns, big, and seats himself at the island.

“good morning.”

“g’morning.” dream’s voice is rough from sleep. “what’cha makin’?”

“scrambled eggs,” he responds, shuffling said eggs around the pan. “some toast, too.”

“with jam?”

“sure.” he wouldn’t even have to ask, really. sap knows exactly what the man wants.

“thank you,” dream hums.

he continues cooking in a comfortable silence. dream is a slow waker, so he watches sap move around as he takes the bread, puts it in the toaster, presses the latch down, goes to the fridge, and dream sees him hesitate for a second so he says, “strawberry.”

“thanks.”

living with sapnap is comfortable. dream remembers living alone for the first time in his life, the world a bit too big and his thoughts a bit too small. his only comfort then had been his siblings and his friends, who kept him sane through slowly piecing himself together.

he’s pulled from his thoughts by the clatter of a plate in front of him.

he looks down. it’s simple: some fluffy scrambled eggs and a slice of toast, with a layer of strawberry jam atop a thick layer of butter. it’s practically a safe food, something dream could have until the end of time, and then one more still.

“thank you…” dream trails off, looking to the side. he reaches for the fork but sap stops him with a gentle hand.

“what’s wrong?” he says, softly, like the sun shining into the room or the smell of toast.

(darn him for knowing dream so well.)

“it’s… can i–” dream curls up a little, arm still held. “no. no, that’s– it’s weird. don’t mind me.”

“is this related to…?”

dream nods slowly, guilt and shame swirling in his eyes.

“then it isn’t weird, come on,” sap speaks with a gentle, airy tone. dream knows everyone talks about the george laugh and dream smile but there’s nothing like sapnap’s dream voice.

“i just… are you… is it okay if i call you–” dream cuts himself off, then, biting his lip and whispering the next word, “…dad?”

sap will admit, he’s taken aback.

he didn’t quite expect that, but with a schooled expression he considers his words carefully. “i… suppose not,” he says eventually, “but you’re older than me.”

“you’re also not my actual dad.” dream chuckles weakly. “it’s just… i dunno. feels nice to be– be cared for. and…”

“…and you’re trying to relive the past.”

he nods again. “trauma. is what it is.”

“i don’t think i mind.” sap circles back to their original point. “just don’t, like… on stream, or–”

“what? no! of– no, no way,” he speaks frantically, “i don’t want the internet to know i have parental issues.”

sap looks to the plate. the bread has gone soggy. “that’s probably cold.”

“i’ll still eat it,” dream laughs.

“why?” sap turns to him, instead. dream has a soft smile on his face. “at least warm it up.”

“no thank you,” he mumbles, picking up the toast and taking a bite. it is definitely soggy but the calm, content look still rises across dream’s face.

sap knows he hasn’t even started making his own food, but right now he’s happy to sit here, talk to his best friend and worry about the rest later.

the next time dream has a nightmare, sapnap is the one to wake him first.

they were laying on the couch, both on their phones but cuddled together, when sap felt dream’s phone fall. setting it onto the coffee table, he makes sure his own volume is down, just in case.

it takes only an hour before dream starts shuffling more, breathing growing laboured.

“hey, dream, wake up,” sap speaks softly, lifting a hand to brush through dream’s curls. “it’s just a nightmare, bud. wake up.”

dream stills not soon after, before his eyes flutter open. “sap?”

“hey.”

dream sniffles. as usual, he’s already crying. as usual, he crawls closer to sapnap. “hug?”

“of course, buddy,” sap coos, squeezing dream between his arms. he likes the pressure, he’d said, and sapnap was great at tight hugs.

dream chokes on his breath, so sap rubs circles into his back.

“love you,” dream mumbles out between his breaths.

sap rocks them slowly, like the waves, like a swing. “love you too.”

they lay like that, dream still trying to calm down and sap slowly soothing him, muttering praise and comforts.

“…thank you, dad,” dream mumbles finally, face still embedded into sap’s sweatshirt.

sap tightens his arms for a second, one which is apparently too long because dream starts to shift, trying to look at him. sapnap stops him, instead responding with his own soft “no problem, bud.”

he thinks he feels dream smile wide.

“you liked that, huh?” dream nods slowly, hesitant. “that’s good. you’re good.”

“th– thanks,” he mumbles, and sapnap can’t point at it directly but somewhere under the word is a deep, swirling current of happiness, laced into his teary voice.

“want your phone?”

“yeah…”

sap takes one arm off dream and leans them to the side, hugging him tight to make sure he doesn’t fall off. sap picks up the phone and places it in dream’s shaking hands.

dream takes it, cradling it for a second – it’s probably a comfort item, or maybe the weight is just nice – before he unlocks it and starts tapping at something.

sap looks away from dream’s starry eyes, raising his unoccupied hand to pet at his hair again. he shuffles a little until his chin is resting in dream’s curls, holding him close, as if he’s only a child.

dream wiggles a little, too, until he’s even more curled up. he raises his eyes to sap, smiles gratefully, and goes back to his phone.

he falls back asleep not long after.

“dad?”

dream stands at the door, gripping the frame. he doesn’t look too distressed – which is good, of course – but the slightly breathless way he says it is… it’s something.

“yeah?”

“oh, uhm… the– my computer crashed.”

sap furrows his brow. “again?”

“a– again. yeah.”

“you need any help with it?”

“no… i think it’s just… overheating, or– something, i don’t know.” dream shuffles on his feet, moving his hand down, then up, then down into the same spot. “can i– sit with you? for a bit? i’m like– like– pissed off.”

“of course man, you wanna talk, or…?”

dream raises his other hand, holding his airpods case. “not… really, no. sorry.”

“nah, you’re good. you can sit by yourself.” he lifts the end of the sentence: want me there?

and when dream responds with “yeah, thanks,” it’s unspoken, but it’s there: no, but i’m glad you offered.

dream walks to the bed and flops down bonelessly, laying on his back for a second before pulling out his airpods, sticking them in his ears and falling still.

sap has already gone back to his own work – answering emails – but he’s mostly just messaging his friends on discord instead.

it’s quiet. dream is rustling the blanket as he bobs his foot side to side, and sap keeps adjusting himself in his seat, but it’s all just room noise.

it’s nice. it, as every other part of living together, is comfortable.

after so long of being apart, the simple, ambient sounds of life, like clattering in the kitchen or talking in another room – it’s all yet another reminder: they’re here. they’re together, finally, and soon, it’ll be all three of them.

he notices dream’s rhythmic tapping and searches his desk. it’s not the messiest ever, it’s just that it tends to get lost between things, and–

sap pulls out the dark green fidget cube, a bit worn on the edges. it’s larger than usual – a custom order.

he tosses it onto the bed, landing close enough to dream’s arm that he notices and picks it up. he brushes a thumb over the worn corners, then goes back to his daydreaming, a plasticky clack or a sharp click interrupting the silence every once in a while.

it, too, is comforting, somehow. it should be distracting or annoying, but it’s just… it’s nice. it’s nice.

“yeah, um… i dunno. i can ask dad, but…”

“who?”

dream looks up to his monitor. he’s talking to george. has been for hours.

“what?”

“who’s ‘dad’?”

“i–” he didn’t mean to slip up. shit, what does he say? what– what if sapnap’s mad, god, he’s so stupid he didn’t even–

“hey, breathe, i can hear you spiralling from here.” george’s tone would seem joking, but to dream, he’s so, so kind, his smooth voice soothing dream’s thoughts. the faint discord crackle makes it even comfier, somehow.

“i didn’t mean to–”

“no, no, breathe first. talk later.”

leaning closer, dream sniffs his mic loudly. he hears george scrambling.

“what the hell? not– dream!”

dream laughs along, but he counts the seconds on his hands. four, five, six, seven, he thinks, keeping his breaths even. “i’m breathing.”

“proud of you. now, calmly, who do you mean?”

dream can’t help the tremble in his voice. “sapnap?”

“mmmkay. is it better if i don’t question it?”

“god– yes, please. don’t– i– it’s a… secret. or– or something.”

“okay, alright, i… i won’t question it, okay? i’m not… upset, or… yeah.”

dream giggles at george’s panicked tone. out of the three, george is undoubtedly the worst at comforting people. he mumbles out, “um… thanks.”

“of course. now, uh… what were we talking about?”

dream laughs a little louder.

“dude you’re literally the worst. you suck at this! you– you actually suck!”

“you’re being toxic. you’re being so toxic, twitter is gonna hear about this–”

“you fucking idiot, what? ‘oh, guys, dream is being so mean to me guys, cancel him!’ what is wrong with you–”

sapnap knocks the controller out of dream’s hand. he scrambles after it but sapnap knocks him down, too, and they both somehow end up wedged between the couch and the coffee table, their game of mario kart long forgotten.

“you– you’re so dumb, we’re stuck here now, you–”

“you pulled me down!”

“you pushed me! you’re being a– a nimrod, you know that, right?”

“didn’t know i was the mirror!”

“what? dad that’s stupid, what?”

sap pauses for the briefest second, just enough for dream to push him off and to scramble out of the crevice.

“that’s– that’s not fair,” sap whines with a pout on his face. “that’s not fair, bud.”

this time, dream blinks for a couple moments. “that– that’s not fair, either.”

“oh, really?”

“you– you’re being dumb. you’re actually an idiot.”

“wow, great comeback man.”

sapnap, too, crawls out backwards from where he’s sat. dream climbs back onto the couch, picking up their controllers – both on the floor under the table – and setting them on top of it. the race is over. they’d timed out.

“seems we both suck,” he mumbles, and then turns to sapnap, saying even quieter, “love you.”

“love you too. now–” sap falls onto the couch. they’ve switched sides, somehow. “can we try again? actually finish this time?”

dream leans down, laying halfway on sap’s shoulder. “if you get the controller.”

“i literally can’t reach it if you’re laying on me.”

“too bad, then.” dream closes his eyes and fakes a snore, as loud as he can.

“you don’t even snore.”

another, even louder snore interrupts him, before they both break into breathless laughter.

he doesn’t know what happened. all he knows is that he wakes up calmly.

dream looks around. sapnap is sprawled across his bed, blanket only barely draped over his knees. they must’ve fallen asleep while talking.

dream turns to his phone. 9:17 am shines back at him.

“seven days,” he mumbles, still sleepy. sap takes that as his cue to shuffle a little, so dream turns his phone off again and turns around, crawling around under the blanket until he’s face-to-face with him.

sapnap is asleep, obviously. dream looks at him. he’ll admit, his friends are both very pretty. good to look at. they make him so happy.

dream lifts a hand to brush sap’s jaw, feeling the rough stubble under his fingers. he crawls closer still, until he can set his own head to rest below sap’s.

safe. so safe.

he feels sap grumble a little, then raise his arm to rest around dream. he stops moving, letting out a long sigh.

dream hums quietly. seven days, he thinks again. he feels genuinely well-rested for the first time in years.

sap grumbles again.

“you alright?” dream asks quietly. he takes his hand to rest at sap’s waist.

“mmh,” sap provides, making dream giggle. his breaths tickle. “’m ‘wake.”

“good morning dad,” dream says with a fond smile. “seventh day.”

“sev’… wai’–” he almost yelps when sap shoots up, before dream pulls him back down to cuddle. “seven? sev’n days?”

“yeah.” he thinks his eyes might be glittering. or tearing up. either way, sap takes a gentle hand and wipes at his cheek, softly. “seven.”

“i– i’m gonna get you a– a cake and flowers– roses, an’–”

dream laughs, like bells, like the ocean waves. “wake up a little first.”

amusingly, sap yawns at just that moment. “i’m… i’m okay. i– i’m proud.” sap reaches over and takes dream’s face into his hands, staring right at him with his bleary eyes and messy hair. “i’m so, so proud of you, okay, bud?” he wipes across, like he’d done before. “love ya, son.”

dream stares back, wide-eyed, and then his lip trembles, and then he falls into sapnap’s chest.

“it’s okay, buddy,” sap soothes as dream chokes on his cries. it’s– he doesn’t even know what he’s crying about or even if it’s because he’s happy or sad or anything else but he’s crying more than he probably ever has. “let it out. that’s right.”

“i–” dream pulls sap into a weak hug. “i love you.”

“breathe, come on,” sap says, mumbling numbers. one, two, three, four. one, two. one, two–

“–three, four, five, six, seven. you got it, come on. one more.”

he isn’t sure how long they lay there, counting, because every time they finish sap asks for one more and he goes along with it but it’s good and safe and sapnap is warm and kind.

making up for lost time.

“feeling better?”

“mhm,” he hums, burrowing closer, so sapnap lifts him a little so he can lay in his favourite little spot, up against sap’s collarbone, feeling his heartbeat. “’hank you.”

“of course. i’d be a really shitty father if i didn’t.”

he doesn’t specify what didn’t refers to, but dream only needs to think of cold beds and purple skin. “yeah,” he mumbles, “you really would.”

sap traces shapes along dream’s back, holding him securely but not very firmly. if he wanted to, with the slightest nudge dream could leave. but he doesn’t.

“dad?”

“yeah?”

“can i…” he pouts for a second, choosing his words. “can you make me breakfast?”

sap tilts his head down a little, barely grazing his lips against dream’s scalp.

“of course,” he breathes.