Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ok So this is my first ever ao3 post or anything and really my first time posting any sort of fanfiction so go easy on me. This is a women in the nhl au. i’m starting with the “Women of the NHL” group chat because i feel like it’s more tame and also gets you a chance to see like who are women in this. I may write other fics in this universe at some point but bear with me cause like i said im new to this. 

I wanted this to be a universe that is at least semi- realistic. (That being said, as a PWHL fan, please forget that and its players exist for the purpose of this writing) So there will be. men that don’t support women in the league, sexism, homophobia, and that is also why it is less a split league but rather the women are kinda few and far between. not all teams have women because i picked who felt right and if i couldn’t think of someone on that team then🤷

This Chapter is intro stuff obviously and im gonna list everyone’s names and usernames. i wanted to write a chapter of the actual gc where they introduced themselves to the rookies who were added but i couldn’t think of a fun way to do it.

I am also posting this 2 days after the tragic loss of Johnny And Matthew Gaudreau. it will be semi included in the first chapter but not a plot line cause i feel like it’s disrespectful and it makes me sad.

OK HERES EVERYONE:

Frank Vatrano: Frankie V

Olen Zellweger: Zelly

John Beecher: Beech

Patrice Bergeron: Bergy

JJ Peterka: JJ

Ryan McLeod: Clouder

Jack Quinn: Quinner

Jack Drury: Drurs

Tyson Jost: Josty

Connor Bedard: Bedsy

Teuvo Teravainen: Turbo

Tyler Bertuzzi: Bert

Lukas Reichel: Reichs

Ross Colton: Rosco

Jonathan Drouin: Jo

Miles Wood: Woody

Gavin Brindley: Brinds

Sean Monahan: Monny

Kent Johnson: KJ

Wyatt Johnston: Wyjo

Jason Robertson: Robo

Tyler Seguin: Seggy

Dylan Larkin: Larks

Patrick Kane: Kaner

Connor McDavid: Davo

Ryan Nugent Hopkins: Nuge

Jesper Boqvist: Boqvy

Sam Reinhart: Reino

Evan Rodrigues: E-Rod

Quinton Byfield: Q

Alex Turcotte: Turcs

Marc- Andre Fluery: Flower

Cole Caufield: Cauf

Alex Newhook: Newy

Luke Evangelista: Vange

Erik Haula: Hauls

Luke Hughes: Hughesy

Dawson Mercer: Merc

Bo Horvat: Bo

Ryan Lindgren: Lindy

Claude Giroux: G

Josh Norris: Josh

Linus Ullmark: Ully

Jamie Drysdale: Drys

Tyson Foerster: Foery

Morgan Frost: Frosty

Anthony Beauvillier: Tito

Ryan Graves: Gravy

Kris Letang: Tanger

Thomas Bordeleau: Bordy

Macklin Celebrini: Celly

Jaden Schwartz: Schwartzy

Robert Thomas: Robby

Jake Neighbours: Jakey

Colton Parayko: Colts

Max Domi: Domes

Mitch Marner: Marns

John Tavares: JT

Logan Cooley: Cools

Brock Boeser: Boes

Conor Garland: Garly

Noah Hanifin: Hanny

Nicklas Backstrom: Backy

Sonny Milano: Sunshine

Josh Morrissey: J-Mo

*I added Bergy because I imagine they’re just like nahhhh you’re everybody’s mom you can’t leave. I know he’s not retired but same with Backstrom.*

I will put this in the chapter notes every chapter so you don’t have to come back if you forget.

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Brinds: So I had asked Claude about this before and she said it was a good idea. But I was hoping for a briefing on who to watch out for. KJ said I would need it. And also I need the distraction rn.

Celly: omg yeah me too.

Marns: Yes fs. you guys will both need it. how about a overview of each team (if they have anyone you need to watch out for) for you guys.

Boqvy: how about us who are on new teams?

Marns: omg you guys too.

Marns: first tho rookies. we must brief you on the rules to this. this gc has rules to help protect each other. if something happens to you on the ice: someone says something, touches you in an uncomfortable non-hockey way, or threatens you, you tell the group. you don’t have to go into detail if you’re uncomfortable but you have to say something. Even if it’s someone’s captain, teammate, brother, best friend, even boyfriend. it’s how we help each other.

Celly: that’s fair.

G: this is a good time for this talk. Camp is coming fast.

G: I just heard from KJ, who said her, Monny, Hanny, and Larks are gonna sit this one out but i got some info from her and Noah on the jackets and the knights for you guys so you’re prepared.

Brinds: okay.

G: i guess i’ll just start with the jackets, then the golden knights and then i can tell you guys about the Sens.

G: KJ says Gudbranson will be your #1 protector out there. Voronkov will too but you may have to let him know if something happened because his English is terrible and he doesn’t know what guys are saying to you out there. speaking as someone who has also played with him Provorov is a douche. he doesn’t like being on your team but he’ll be quiet about it, he may even stand up for you if needed. more than anything he’s homophobic.

Brinds: yeah Boone gave me a little “ignore provy” talk before my first game last year.

G: Noah said most guys on the Knights are chill but watch out for Stone. He will elbow you square in the face, head down or not.

Celly: noted.

G: The Sens are a rowdy bunch and a few guys lose their filters on the ice but nothing too serious because they know Brady and Me won’t let that slide. We just signed Cousins and i played with him in Philly. he’s quiet when it comes to his own teammates but he will call you names and make inappropriate comments on the ice. i’ll try to put a stop to it but not much works.

Josh: oh great.

Reino: sorry guys:( but i am so glad he’s out of our locker room. he sucks.

Brinds: steering clear of Nick Cousins as much as possible ✍️

G: yes.

G: Bordeleau care to take it away with San Jose?

Bordy: pretty simple really. we have a lack of tough guys so we’re a teeny bit screwed, but they’ll do their best to protect you because you’re a woman but mostly because you’re #1. I’ve also heard cap is taking me being in the locker room a little hard because he likes to talk, but idk him enough because he was hurt all year. 

Frosty: yeah he called me a whore and told me i should be in the stands cheering on Joel one of my first years. Couts kicked his ass.

Celly: okay so Logan is not the best captain if you’re a woman got it.

Bordy: just let me know if he says anything to you and i’ll pass it on to the other A’s they’ll handle it.

Celly: okay.

G: alright how about the Ducks?

Zelly: there’s not really anyone I can think of pretty much any guys who were iffy got traded. 

Frankie V: yeah we got a good room here. Ryan was iffy himself when we first played against each other back in my good old Bruins days and I punched him and he is a changed man. 

Zelly: you scared him into falling in love with you….

Frankie V: 🤷‍♀️ whatever works?

G: ….anyways Bruins?

Beech: mmmmm not really any problems here. people assume about Marchy but like??? He married Bergy???? He knows better???

Bergy: yeah that was straight crap.

Beech: i’ve heard things about Zadorov but Boes said that was not true.

Boes: also straight crap. literally a gentle giant (off the ice ofc)

Garly: Z is a sweetheart and he just hits people so like watch out?? but like not cause your women but because you’re not on his team.

Brinds: ahhhh. good to know.

Celly: Marchy not a problem.

Bergy: oh he’s a problem. just not to you guys more than any other player.

Celly: lmao that sounds more accurate.

G: okay. Sabres?

Clouder: omg please say there’s nobody bad. i can’t take that on top of the fact the fans already hate me.

Quinner: the fans are stupid if they hate you. and no there isn’t anybody really. there’s a lot of gay or bi guys in our room which i think kinda makes it more open to whatever but like nobody bad really. 

JJ: wait why do you think the fans hate you Ryan??

Brinds: yeah what??

Clouder: just like they think i wasn’t worth the prospect you guys traded. and then people started bringing up my brother. saying i probably support him. i hate my brother and hate that people think that about me.

Nuge: they’re idiots if they don’t think you’re an absolute steal.

Celly: Dude i would kill like literally for your speed. that’s worth so much in the league these days.

Clouder: thanks guys🫶🏻

G: okay. no more self doubt in this chat. or i will call you personally Ryan and dissect every aspect of your game and how talented you are until I physically can’t talk anymore.

Clouder: yeah no thanks <3

G: there are no girls on the flames but I can tell you Backlund is pretty against any sexist comments or actions and won’t let anything fly. 

Hughesy: LMAO. i heard that i was cackling. he texted Kev when he got traded there and gave him his little welcome speech followed by a long ass “we will tolerate no sexism, racism, or homophobia in this room or i will personally ship you to the KHL” and Kev just responded with “my girlfriend was my teammate pre trade and i like men too” and Backlund was like 👁️👄👁️

G: of course he was. 

E-Rod: watch out for Lomberg. he’s mostly all talk but if you get even slightly physical he’ll take the opportunity to jump you.

Reino: watched him do it all year last year, to men and women.

G: he’s a little pest. Carolina?

Josty: omg yayyy i wanna know about my new team.

Drurs: Not much to tell fortunately. Svech will probably flirt with you just hard core shut it down one time and he’ll never bother you like that again. Martinook will protect you on the ice. Same with Burnzy. 

Drurs: Brendan Lemiuex is a piece of shit. He’s homophobic and sexist and not shy about it. Staal tries to stop it but the management will not get rid of the bitch.

Josty: oh lovely.

Drurs: watch out for him on the ice fr. he has pinned me to the boards during a scrimmage and just held me there while he laughed. Burnzy almost killed him.

Brinds: okay…..that’s terrifying.

Drurs: it was last year during camp. and he hasn’t put his hands on me again. so i’m sure there were some serious threats after that.

G: one more act like that and he better be gone.

Drurs: this one goes without saying pretty much. idk if anyone will sign him anyway but if they do WATCH OUT FOR TONY DEANGELO. he will grab you and threaten you. he’s worse than Lemieux somehow.

Drurs: so glad he’s gone.

Celly: praying no one signs him.

G: we all are kid. Chicago?

Bedsy: fliggy and murph are very protective and they will fight the whole league if they gotta. Jonesy and Hallsy will hop in too if needed. Vlas fought approximately 2 times and both were in Lukas’ honor and he got his ass kicked both times.

Reichs: 6’7” does not mean you can fight🙄

Bert: LMAOOO 

Turbo: sounds like Sebastian

Bedsy: at least he tried???

Reich: and then whined his nose hurt for days😐

Bert: okay so Alex is not allowed to fight this season got it.

G: Colorado yall got anybody?

Rosco: honestly no??

Woody: Val made me uncomfy as hell but i don’t think he’ll be back honestly.

Jo: i can’t imagine they give him ANOTHER chance but who knows? Manson gets like a weird rep but he’s not like that protective of his team honestly.

Celly: that’s not a bad thing.

Jo: not at all.

G: Dallas?

Seggy: oh boy here we go. Jamie gets a rep too. idk why we’re together. he respects women. Roope too? like have yall seen the man??? he’s very gay??? he’s one of the girls??? 

Wyjo: he’s just a bitch on the ice that’s why.

Robo: no lies detected. 

Seggy: We just got Lyubushkin and Dumba. Dumba isn’t really a problem for the girls or anything it’s more the whole keep your head up and avoid him on the ice cause he’ll elbow you thing. Lyubushkin is a piece of shit. he’s sexist and openly homophobic so like ignore anything he says to you. 

Celly: yuck.

Seggy: agreed. hoping he doesn’t last.

Marns: omg i hate Lyubushkin.

G: everybody hates him. Kaner care to share about Detroit?

Kaner: ofc ofc. nobody really bad honestly. JT is with Tyson so like he knows better and our captain is a woman so there hasn’t been any issues since i got here.

Drys: yeah i’ve heard they all respect Larks like an insane amount in there.

Kaner: she’s a respectable captain and person of course they do.

G: Edmonton?

Nuge: Corey.

Davo: Perry.

Marns: that pretty much sums it up.

Nuge: he’s kinda openly disgusted with the fact Davo is captain which like???

Brinds: she’s connor mcdavid???

Nuge: RIGHT??? like stfu. he’ll talk shit on the ice and stuff but honestly he may be worse when he’s in our own locker room. 

Celly: sorry :(

Davo: not anyone’s fault but his kid. 

G: Panthers?

Reino: it’s honestly quiet here without Lomberg or Cousins. they caused most of the problems. our favorite rat is kinda insane but also dating McJesus so he knows better.

Davo: 🙄

Brinds: oh????

Reino: we can talk about them later…

E-Rod: Barky runs a tight ship because he wants to be a good captain (he’s a great one) so he doesn’t let that shit fly.

Boqvy: that’s good to know:)

G: LA?

Turcs: there are rumors about Doughty but I haven’t seen anything since i’ve been here

Q: oh those were so false. he almost killed PLD when he said something homophobic to J Hughes and then said something sexist to Lukey all in one game.

Hughesy: i hate PLD. good luck washington.

Sunshine: i’ll make him my bitch in five seconds flat.

Q: i believe it. other than him nobody else really.

G: Minnesota?

Flower: nobody. the boys here got respect and go to battle for me nightly. open room when it comes to sexuality and stuff too. we had the Dewey’s for years cmon.

Celly: I knew they were too close to be friends.

G: oh child the whole world knew that. Montreal??

Cauf: everybody here is great honestly. i am dating el capitano and half our team is gay pretty much so he prioritizes everybody respecting each other 🫡

Marns: atta boy nick🫡

Newy: i love nick he’s so captain🫡

G: anyway…. Nashville?

Vange: only been there a year so if i miss anyone give me a break, but everyone’s pretty awesome. and if there is a problem i’ll tell Josi . he made me promise i would at the beginning of the season. 

G: Jersey?

Haula: the guys from last season are great. i’ve heard things about a certain new person? Brendan Dillon.

J-Mo: omg yeah. nothing too bad he just talks outta his ass constantly. on ice especially. he’s gotten better with time. just get on his ass if he starts again.

Hughesy: Erik will get his ass. 

Merc: she’s scary when she goes all mama bear.😧

G: good. isles?

Bo: not that i can think of??

G: Rangers? 

Lindy: Rempe. he talked a lot of shit and said some shit to baby hughesy plus KJ at the end of this past season. give me a few months and i’ll try to straighten him out. other than that keep your head up cause we all saw what he can do to a very large man soooo…..

Brinds: understood.🫡

G: Philly?

Foery: we got a good room. G started it. Couts and Laughts and TK have kept it that way. 

Frosty: yeah and now EJ is here and we’ve already seen protective EJ jump out once or twice.

Drys: 10/10 great experience 

G: Couts and Laughts knew i would kill them if they didn’t care for you fools. Pitt?

Gravy: no complaints. sid doesn’t let that shit slide. 

Tanger: yeah it’s been good for years no changing that now.

Tito: that’s good to hear.

Tanger: you’ll fit in fine trust me.

G: Schwartzy what’s seattle looking like?

Schwartzy: theirs talk about Vince but i’ve put up with that little shit since he was a rookie, he’s fine. watch out in the ice though he doesn’t hold back.

Celly: wouldn’t expect most guys to.

Schwartzy: they dont trust me.

G: Blues?

Robby: 0 complaints schenner wouldn’t let anything happen. it’s the house that Jaden Built honestly.

Schwartzy: i miss you guys☹️

Colts: mom☹️

Jakey: i didn’t even play with you and i miss you 

Schwartzy: ☹️

G: anyhoo, there isn’t really anyone on tampa really. Toronto?

Marns: watch out for Reavo and Benny.

Marns: not a woman thing just an enforcer thing.

JT: agreed.

Bert: watch out for Max she’s feral.

Domes: smd

Bert: gladly 🤤

JT: please stop you two✋

G: Utah?

Cools: nah everybody here is chill. we haven’t gotten a lot of new guys. Marino ig?

Gravy: my bf. he’s a huge dummy. absolutely harmless. we saw him fight miller in the line brawl✋

Lindy: that was a little sad.

Gravy: oh i know.

Cools: okay banned from fighting got it.

Brinds: rip Marino. banned from fighting by a practical rookie.

G: okay next, Van?

Boes: everybody is harmless here. except mysie. but like just physically because he’s massive. no sexism here.

Garly: yeah no issues.

G: Washington?

Backy: Ovi is presumed homophobic but i promise he’s not. the pride tape thing is so he can go home and see his family since he’s so well known in Russia and it’s illegal.

Sunshine: everyone is basically some flavor of gay or at least acts it. 

G: whatever you say sonny. And Jets?

J-Mo: Mark says stuff sometimes that’s ehhh but i’ve pretty much stopped that entirely years ago.

Brinds: okay i think i’ve put everyone to look out for in my notes app.

Celly: same here.

G: good. it’s sad we have to do this. but we don’t want you guys getting hurt or traumatized when you’re just trying to play your game.

Brinds: thanks claude❤️

Celly: thanks everyone❤️

G: anytime rookies❤️

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Marns: So rookies….

Brinds: yes?

Celly: mmhmmm

Marns: are you two single or???

Davo: omg Marns leave them alone.

Brinds: oh it’s fine. i’m single yeah.

Marns: really i would’ve thought you and fantilli….

G: Marner. we’ve talked about this. 

Brinds: i swear it’s still fine. no me and adam are not a thing. 

Celly: im single too.

Marns: awww our sweet babies🥰

Reino: yknow there are a lot of non rookies who are single in this gc marns🙄

Marns: mb reino ✋😔

Brinds: i presume you’re taken then Mitch?

Marns: oh ofc. me and auston have been going strong since rookie year😘

Sunshine: you and megamind you mean…

Marns: WHERES YOUR BF/GF THEN SONNY???

Sunshine: DONT NEED ONE. IM NOT A CODEPENDENT FREAK LIKE SOME PEOPLE.

Brinds: oh dear.

Bergy: can you two not do this again??

Celly: this happens often?

G: too often.

Brinds: Claude are you taken?

G: taken and married. to Danny Briere.

Celly: awwwww

Celly: and Bergy you and Marchy are married right?

Bergy: correct.

Marns: oooohhhh gossip with the rookies. everybody say your relationship status🙏🏼🙏🏼

Bordy: dating Brendan Brisson.

Marns: Hanny told me he’s a dummy. 

Bordy: yeah that tracks.

Zelly: i’m single rn.

Brinds: felt ☹️

Frankie V: engaged to Ryan Strome.

Beech: me and matt boldy are dating.

Bordy: and also birthday twins cause you guys are sickeningly cute.

Beech: tell Briss to do better🤷‍♀️

Quinner: i’m dating dylan cozens🫶🏻

Celly: awww

JJ: i’m single and lonely asf

Celly: also felt:(

Clouder: dating Evan Bouchard and preparing for long distance 💔

Drys: too relatable sorry ryan:(

Drurs: i’m dating Jarvy and just don’t ask.

Marns: nahhh you guys are my favorite. he’s so outta pocket and you’re a harvard nerd.

Drurs: embarrassingly accurate ✋😐

Josty: me, jt compher, and alex kerfoot are together. the distance is ridiculous at this point but we stay making it work.

Sunshine: ahhh yes the first NHL throuple.

Celly: there’s multiple?

Marns: just you wait.

Bedsy: soooo single. 

Bert: Dating max obviously.

Domes: 🤤

Brinds: that makes a lot of sense. 

Reichs: me and Alex Vlasic are dating.

Bedsy: only took you guys almost two years of being ROOMMATES to figure your shit out.

Reichs: one more boyfriend than you have.

Bedsy: that’s cold.

Turbo: dating sebastian aho. not the one that’s now on Pitt, my sebastian obviously

Marns: ofc ofc everyone should know about you guys at this point.

Rosco: with miles ofc

Woody: 😘

Sunshine: two chaotic lesbian couples in one gc what’s not to love?

Rosco: you really trying for that threesome huh Sonny?

Sunshine: huuuhhh gasp i would never do such a thing

Woody: it wasn’t a no sonny😏

Sunshine: 😳 is it hot in here?

Celly: dear god…

Bordy: mom come pick me up i’m scared.

G: stop traumatizing the rookies clowns.

Sunshine: rude✋🙄

Jo: dating nate mackinnon

Celly: honestly think everyone knows that 

Jo: that’s fair.

Wyjo: i’m also a single pringle:(

Merc: idk how honestly

Wyjo: 🤭

Bergy: omg flirt outside the group.

Robo: dating Otter❤️

Seggy: married to Jamie ofc🫶🏻

Brinds: awwww

Kaner: i’m married to Tazer. also Larks is with Werenski i think she still has us on mute.

Celly: awwww you and Tazer were my favorites growing up🫶🏻

Davo: me, matthew tkachuk and leon draisaitl are together

Brinds: 🤯

Celly: that’s the other throuple???!!!!!

Davo: there’s one more actually. but yeah.

Brinds: i can see it but i’m still shocked.

Nuge: trust me the whole locker room had similar reactions.

Nuge: anyways i have a lovely husband that is not a hockey player because i know hockey men and well….

Celly: that’s fair.

Reino: we already established my single ass.

E-Rod: i’m also single:(

Boqvy: i have a fiancé that is a nurse. 🤭

Merc: i died when i got your text. 

Boqvy: i died when he got down on one knee.

Celly: this is an insane level of flexing i fear. 

Brinds: agreed.

Q: also single.

Turcs: me too.

Flower: i have a lovely wife thank you😊

Tanger: the true reason flower put up with Sid for so long. only lesbians have the true power to put him in his place.

Flower: true.

Cauf: me and Nick are together as i said before. i love him so much🤭

Turcs: STOP FLEXING YOUR BF

Cauf: NEVER

Newy: anyways…. me and Bowen Byram are dating🫶🏻

Celly: awwww

Brinds: this may sound totally like weird but i always just thought he looked like such a sweet person.

Newy: Correct

Cauf: Correct

Quinner: Correct

JJ: Correct

Rosco: Correct

Woody: Correct

Jo: Correct 

Brinds: 😁

Hauls: i have a lovely wife❤️

Hughesy: i’m dating Kevin Bahl.

Cauf: how long did you have a crush on him for again? since you were 6?

Hughesy: shut up you midget.

Cauf: ahhh yes and then there’s the weird size kink think.

Schwartzy: no kink shaming, no boyfriend judging, no hazing, and no arguing.

Cauf: sorry mom.

Merc: tragically single.

Bo: i have a husband.

Lindy: i’m dating adam fox for some reason.

Hughesy: the foxy slander is crazy.

Lindy: he snores and leaves his socks on the floor🤷‍♀️

Josh: i’m single

Ully: i’m with Sway

Celly: i knew those hugs were romantic 

Ully: of course they were

Brinds: i’m gonna miss you guys together 

Ully: trust me. me too.

Drys: i’m with Trevor.

Brinds: obviously.

Drys: 🙄

Foery: i’m with cam york.

Frosty: i’m with Joel Farabee.

G: my babies all grew up 💔

Frosty: someone screenshot G admitting we’re her kids.

G: and you ruined it.

Frosty: ☹️

Tito: i’m with Barzy. 

Gravy: i’m with John Marino.

Hughesy: it’s missing Johnny time.

Gravy: he says hi luke.

Hughesy: 😭

Tanger: me and erik karlsson are together.

Celly: definitely the most dynamic defensive couple.

Brinds: for sure.

Schwartzy: i’m with Jamie Oleksiak. 

Robby: i’m single.

Colts: me too.

Jakey: same.

Robby: Blues straight up not getting any.

Jakey: ✋😭

JT: i have a husband.

Marns: he’s great i tell him all about my problems.

JT: Mitch drives him insane.

Sunshine: yeah she’s got that effect on people.

Marns: stfu 😑 

Cools: i’m single

Boes: dating Petey.

Celly: as a Canucks fans for the past 18 years and a fan of you guys that makes me really happy.

Boes: ❤️❤️

Garly: single unfortunately ☹️

Backy: me and Ovi are married.

Brinds: ofc ofc.

Sunshine: we’ve already talked about my situation.

Marns: situation being that you’re lonely and have no game.

Sunshine: i will kill you.

G: i will kill both of you i swear.

J-Mo: i have a wife.

Q: too many single ladies in the chat.

JJ: agreed.

Garly: we need wingmen severely.

Zelly: i have one but he’s russian and confused.

Frankie V: do you mean minty?

Zelly: i mean minty.

Frankie V: god help us.

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Bergy: Macklin and Gavin. Have your teams helped you guys figure out living situations and stuff yet?

Celly: Yes! I’m moving in with the Thortons. Joes super nice. And Will is moving in with the Marleau’s and they live close😁

Bergy: that’s good. Jumbo is great.

Bordy: i know Joe only lives like 5 minutes from me🤭

Celly: yaayyy.

Brinds: i’m gonna move in with KJ probably. I’m not sure if i’ll get sent down at all so it’ll be easier to just stay with her.

Celly: they’re not gonna send you down be fr✋🙄

Brinds: you’re gonna jinx me stfu.

Bergy: having a roommate will be good for you. 

Marns: ahhh roommates a wonderful thing.

Foery: not if your roommate is Joel Farabee and he almost burns the condo down once a day💀

G: why would anyone let you live with Joel?

Frosty: i tried to warn her.

Marns: morgan do you not live with Joel??

Frosty: I do now. not at the beginning of the season. i needed my own space and was too lazy to move all my shit.

Sunshine: fair.

Sunshine: and a reminder i had the worst roomy of them all…

Drys: thank you for your service sonny🫡

Drys: you scarred trevor so bad he has been 10 times more behaved since.

Sunshine: ofc ofc 

Josty: i’m dating both my former roomies soooo… i’d say i’m on team roommates.

Hughesy: IM TEAM ABOLISH ROOMMATES 

Cauf: ………do you not literally live with your brother?

Hughesy: YES AND APPARENTLY FOR SOME REASON HIM, NICO, AND NATE COULD NOT HAVE A SLEEPOVER AT ONE OF THEIR APARTMENTS INSTEAD BEFORE THE ALL STAR BREAK!!!!

Cauf: oh no….what happened?

Brinds: ???? am i missing something here lukey??

Celly: ?

Fleury: ahhhhh. rookies are gonna meet 3rd throuple.

Celly: YOUR BROTHER, HISCHIER, AND BASTIAN ARE THE THIRD THROUPLE????

Brinds: wait jacks gay??

Hughesy: Brinds buddy…….

Ully: i think that one was obvious to anyone with eyes.

Brinds: 💀oops?

G: dare i ask what was so bad about your brother having his boyfriends over?? and why you’re still hung up on it months later??

Hughesy: oh i’ll tell you all right.

J-Mo: without traumatizing everyone here please luke?

Hughesy: SOMEHOW JACK MAGICALLY FORGOT I EXISTED OR SOMETHING. AND SO DID NATE AND NICO AND THEY STARTED FUCKING. LIKE REALLY LOUDLY WHILE I WAS ACROSS THE HALL. I HAD TO FLEE MY OWN BEDROOM BECAUSE OF THEM. I WENT TO KEVS AND HE THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS 

Celly: yikes

Vange: yeah maybe Jack is a terrible roommate.

Hughesy: I HEARD EVERYTHING. NATE SAID THE MOST FILTHY STUFF I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW. I CAN NEVER UNHEAR THAT.

Turcs: lmaooo 

Josh: nobody would like more information on what those three get up to thanks✋

G: yeah no.

JT: i’ve heard too much already.

Clouder: nate was like my big brother for the past almost 10 years please stop✋

Merc: prudes. i wanted to know.

Hughesy: Merc you need therapy. 

Merc: i share a locker room with all 3 of them. let a girl dream🙄

Hughesy: about my brother??? no.

Kaner: idek what to say about all this.

Drury: i do. wtf

Robby: Luke why don’t you get your own place.

Hughesy: well first it was because it was my rookie year and it just seemed right to be with my brother. then i was gonna move in with Kev this upcoming season but he got traded and now im just upset. 

Merc: we could move in together??

Hughesy: Merc do not fuck with me rn….

Merc: serious suggestion buddy.

Hughesy: OMG YES PLEASE

Merc: I’ll start looking for a good place for both of us.

Hughesy: i love you🫶🏻

Bergy: perfect now we don’t have to hear you complain about Jack anymore. problem solved.

Wyjo: omg yaayyyy. i’ll bring you guys a house warming gift when we play in Jersey 

Hughesy: yknow we’re both about to make not work friendly comments about how your cute ass is all the gift we need correct??

Merc: 🤤

Wyjo: 😉😘

G: what did we say about flirting you fools?

Drys: telling Kevin on you Luke✋

Hughesy: we have a threesome list buddy. Wyatt is on it he’d be so down.

Wyjo: 😳…. anybody else sweating??

Bergy: luke….what the hell?

Hughesy: the rest of that list will be kept private for now🤭

Tanger: omfg this kid….

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Merc: LUKEYS 21 BITCHES!!!!

Merc: sorry that was aggressive. you guys are not bitches✋😔

Merc: (except you sonny you fs are)

Sunshine: eh i get what i want when im a bitch tho 

Reichs: 🤔

Tanger: i’ve met you like twice lukas

Tanger: you do not have what it takes to be a bitch.

Schwartzy: yeah no sorry kid.

Reichs: ☹️

Sunshine: I’ll teach you child.

G: Sonny please don’t.

G: anyways happy birthday Hughes🎉

Bordy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY WIFE‼️‼️‼️

Beech: I HAD HER FIRST✋✋✋

Jakey: ayooooo hold up you guys???

Clouder: don’t bother trying to understand the michigan lore. 

Hughesy: 1- thanks G 2- bordy and johnny stop it ✋ 3- there’s no lore ryan we all just fucked around in college as girls do🤷‍♀️

JT: could’ve gone my whole life without knowing that.

Marns: and how much longer is that anyway JT??

Tanger: NO OLD PEOPLE SHAMING

Bergy: Mitch we’ve talked about this.

JT: ….im not even as old as you guys.

Bergy: really JT not you too.

Woody: i feel like it was common knowledge that the kids as the dev program and umich were all a little freaky?

Domes: and i think being on the devils screwed up your judgement miles✋

Gravy: so so many things i can never unsee or unhear

Merc: at least you weren’t here for Kevin and Luke this year???? 

Gravy: no but me you and woody all had to witness the shit show that was Nate, Jack, and Nico figuring their shit out.

Woody: scary times

Hughesy: no more scary than the things i’ve seen and heard this year.

Merc: imma get you out lil bro i swear✊😔

Hughesy: oh do you mean before or after YOU SIGN YOUR GOD DAMN CONTRACT

Foery: yeah honestly i’m scared about that and you’re not on my team.

Foery: (unless😏😏😏)

Hauls: NO✋✋

Foery: my bad 

Merc: IM TRYING I SWEAR

Merc: IDK WHAT THE FRONT OFFICES PROBLEM WITH ME IS ALL OF A SUDDEN 

Ully: it’s not you. Sway is having the same problems with Boston rn.

Kaner: heard Mo and Raymond are dealing with it here too.

Hughesy: don’t leave me Merc😢

Merc: IM NOT TRYING TO‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

G: can we all just calm down.

Drys: ohhhh Lukey???

Hughesy: yes?

Drys: i just happened to peek at Life360 and it appears you and Kevin are at the same location, which happens to be the lake house. 

Drys: big birthday plans? 😏

Hughesy: ik you have me on Life360 from that concert we went to but why Kev?

Merc: LMAOOOO Joe Veleno made us all download it and make a family circle thingy during World Juniors 2020.

Drys: He was scared somebody would get lost in Czechia.

Zelly: right…. cause Bahl is real easy to lose🙄

Frankie V: no but you are.

Zelly: shut up✋

Frosty: i wanna put Zelly in my pocket.

Frosty: but in like a totally normal way. 

Colts: idek what that means

Davo: morgan wtf?

Zelly: I AM NOT POCKET SIZED

Colts: yes you are.

Gravy: yes you are.

Wyjo: i fear my much smaller, bite sized, friend here needs some defense. Neither of you get an opinion because you’re both obscenely tall.

Seggy: obscene is one way to put it.

Colts: you’re married✋

Seggy: I can still wanna climb you like a tree.

Josh: i’m eating can you not.

Bergy: Tyler there are children.

Celly: oh no. don’t stop on my account.

G: how have you guys already corrupted her🙄

Quinner: i’m still stuck on what Lukey is doing for her Birthday???

Hughesy: ……..not climbing my boyfriend like a tree unfortunately 😔

Hughesy: dinner with my parents and brothers and Kev. 

JJ: boooooo we wanted something exciting.

Hughesy: SO DID I‼️‼️‼️

Garly: should i text quinn and tell him to stop being a major cock block like he does to Brock and Petey all the time.

Boes: i hate you.

Garly: 😘

Hughesy: i think you better not. i’d like quinn to act slightly sane at dinner thanks.

Clouder: you’re gonna need like 10+ years of therapy before that man acts sane.

Robo: i’m convinced he sees ghosts or something 

Tanger: heyyy that’s what we say about Gravy.

Merc: awwww some things never change❤️❤️❤️

Gravy: fuck both of you

Merc: i mean im down but i don’t wanna hurt Johnnys feelings.

Gravy: 🖕

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Hughesy: merc is back. i am injured. i have not decided if im happy or upset rn.

Frankie V: i’m pretty sure you can be upset since she signed weeks ago now and you’re still currently hurt🤨

Merc: NO WAY

Merc: SHE HAS BEEN POUTING NONE STOP. BE HAPPY OR ELSE.

Foery: did you just….threaten her to be happy?

Ully: you guys are insane. but sway resigned too😊

Sunshine: you are the most supportive gf i have ever seen and it is slightly sickening frankly.

G: can you let people be happy please sonny?

Sunshine: nahhhhh

Reino: in other news i’m going to throw myself off the roof. cause wtf is happening

E-Rod: first the sens, no offense ully you cooked, and then the sabres, full offense that should not have happened.

Quinner: confirmed barkov, tkachuk, and bob carry.

Clouder: much better than the first few games🫤

JJ: we don’t speak of those 

Merc: yes we do.

Hughesy: yes we do. 

Hauls: yes we do.

Quinner: YOU BOTTOM 6 NEED TO BE STOPPED. THE HELL ARE YOU COTTER AND NOESEN DOING🫵🫵🫵

Quinner: WITCH🫵🫵🫵🫵

Bergy: ok that’s enough out of you jack.

Davo: at least you guys have won a game☹️

Nuge: I thought we agreed no more pouting.

Bo: you guys will figure it out. last season was the same and yall went to the finals.

Davo: we can’t fire our head coach every season tho.

J-Mo: is it a bad time to say i am having a blast so far.

Davo: yes😃🔫

G: davo chill out please

Josh: im gonna jump cole next time i think.

Cauf: heyyyyy

Newy: what happens when you cook everybody.

Tanger: I would also not like to discuss our start.

Gravy: it’s all my fault. 

Tito: gravy sweetie stfu

Tito: respectfully 

Schwartzy: it is too early in the year for another intervention for you ryan

Gravy: sorry…

Tanger: no apologizing✋

Celly: i got hurt😭😭😭

Celly: everyone’s already saying im made of glass.

Bedsy: need i remind you of the curse of last years top 3. and adam and leo were both out longer than me. everyone can stfu.

G: shockingly connor is right. there’s no chance you go your whole career without injury when you’re the best.

Bedsy: heyyy

Bordy: AND MORE IMPORTANTLY YOU SCORED ON YOUR FIRST EVER SHOT

Robby: goat.

Colts: is dunner still pouting cause we beat you guys Jaden?

Schwartzy: he keeps threatening both jordan’s. they better watch out next game ig.

Colts: i’d like to see him try.

Schwartzy: omg please don’t kill him. we need him sadly.

Garly: we blew it to both the flames and the flyers. i can’t anymore.

Hughesy: sorry you guys are having such a tough start (kevin got his first point against you guys and it was hot)

Boes: IM TELLING QUINN YOU SAID THAT

Hughesy: oh he knows. siblings gc received that text and then i heard jack gagging in the other room.

Garly: you are no longer my second favorite hughes.

Hughesy: you do not like jack more than me be so fr. 

Garly: no gross. i meant ellen duh✋

JT: ellen is the best. 

Hughesy: john tavares- ellen hughes friendship arc

JT: i would love to be friends with your mom.

Drys: ellen’s great. she did tell me not to date trevor, but i think that was a personal opinion.

Hughesy: ellen has seen to much of trevor. we all have.

Lindy: anywho we lost to utah and shesty rejected the biggest fucking goalie contract ever.

Jakey: he cursed you.

Lindy: i’m gonna curse him right the fuck off a cliff if he doesn’t figure his shit out.

G: that’s a little aggressive.

Domes: it’s ryan?? do we expect different?

Marns: anyways we lost game 1 but cooked pit and nj so i say a win is a win.

Merc: what if i just hit you with my car.

Marns: 😃what-

Hanny: we laid an absolute beat down on colorado so i’m happy.

Woody: yeah and we just got cooked by cbj so get in line noah.

Rosco: i can’t even lie you guys are a different team this year. much faster and stronger we were not prepared.

Monny: playing for more this year.

KJ: ❤️

Rosco: you, kj, are playing like an absolute mutant. wtf are they feeding you?

KJ: raw spite

Brinds: that checks out.

Wyjo: how’s your season going islanders?

Bo: i don’t like you child.

Seggy: now now wyatt, don’t bully the mean old woman. they already lost to utah as well.

Cools: hey yknow im here too guys.

Hughesy: ahhh yes logan, WHERE TF IS JOHNNY

Merc: i miss johnny so much. 

Merc: come back you silly italian.

Gravy: you guys both need help.

Hughesy: GRAVY WHERE IS YOUR STUPID BOYFRIEND.

Cools: he’s literally hurt guys. he should be back soon. chill.

Merc: we’re never chill about anything you know that.

G: yeah we know alright 🙄

Vange: we gotta win a game or i’m gonna have a nervous breakdown 

Frosty: why aren’t the new guys “new guying” 

Vange: I DONT KNOW BUT THEY GOTTA TRY I FEEL LIKE THE FANS HATE ME

Lindy: this one’s broken too

Vange: “too”?

Lindy: gravy.

Gravy: fuck you ryan.

Lindy: fuck you too ryan.

Q: i hate pasta.

Q: but like not actually.

Turcs: real✊😔

Beech: can’t stop pasta man. 

Turcs: i hate you too.

Beech: 😘

Turcs: telling bolds✋🙄

Beech: go ahead👋🏻

Larks: i was pretty happy with the nashville game ngl.

Vange: 😐

Larks: sorry child.

Kaner: i’m not. that was great.

Turbo: good start in chicago kinda.

Bert: you are on fire maam.

Bedsy: ma’am is crazy.

Bert: i’m being respectful 

Domes: ha

Bert: stfu or i’ll kiss you 

Bert: *kill

Domes: no take backs✋

Reichs: i haven’t played yet😕

Bedsy: you will soon. lukas cmon.

Reichs: they’re gonna scratch me every game or send me back to rockford.

Lindy: G i found another one.

G: hush lindy. lukas being scratched a few games isn’t a look at the whole year. you’ll play soon. 

Reichs: i thought when they resigned me that meant they wanted me.

Bergy: lukas…

Schwartzy: is it a bad time to book a flight to chicago? my child needs a hug.

Kaner: you have a game today so no. and she’s my child. i was there her rookie season.

Bedsy: we’re on the road anyway.

Bedsy: i’m coming to your room lukas.

Bert: me too

Turbo: same

Reichs: ok❤️

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL” 

Hughesy: Logan…. YOU LIED TO ME

Hughesy: “He should be back soon”

Hughesy: “Marino out months for Utah” 

Cools: I DIDNT KNOW

Cools: WE WERE TOLD HE WAS MAKING PROGRESS

Cools: IVE HAD LIKE 5 CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM MAX

G: guys relax

Gravy: it’s not logan’s fault. he’s been pouting and he didn’t know it was this bad either.

Hauls: luke why are you so mad. you’re hurt too and johnny isn’t on our team anymore

Hughesy: …because if he had played in the game against us the other night we would’ve got to see him🥲

Hauls: omg you can see him when we go to utah.

KJ: in other news if there are actually hockey gods i would like to find their asses.

Bergy: yeah….that didn’t look good kid. sorry.

Monny: we cannot catch a break. first i hurt guddy, now kj goes down

JJ: tuchy says he’s sorry he tripped jvr and made you fall kj

KJ: i hope tuchy falls off a cliff

Backy: that’s aggressive kid.

KJ: our IR rn is half the team😭

KJ: me, guddy, vronk, elvis, boone, gavin

Brinds: I should be back in a few more weeks 🤞

KJ: you better be

Rosco: in slightly more chipper news we are no longer winless!!

Zelly: that is not ‘chipper news’ 

Woody: sorry baby ducky but it is✋

Frankie V: leave my baby duck alone

Jo: wish i was out there🥲

Woody: soon bbygirl 🤭

Rosco: 🤨📸

Reichs: I MADE MY SEASON DEBUT

Bedsy: we told you ✋🙄

Bert: hush bedsy. we are very happy for you lukas

Turbo: and we won😁

Bordy: shut.up.

Celly: nobody to brag to in this gc, we’re both hurt still✋😔

Turbo: sorry😔

Sunshine: we gave the stars their first loss🤣

Seggy: …weren’t you scratched?

G: tyler why?

Sunshine: ###############

Wyjo: di- did you just…???

Seggy: THIS BITCH DOXED ME. THATS MY ADDRESS 

Bergy: we literally all have each others addresses what- 

Sunshine: i’ll kill you seggs.

G: sonny take a lap. christ…

Robo: anyways otter resigned for 8 more years🤭

Kaner: WE BEAT NASHVILLE TODAY🤣🤣🤣

Kaner: AGAIN🤣🤣🤣

Larks: kaner omfg

Hughesy: you just got andrew copped🫵

Vange: i…i don’t wanna talk about it please.

Kaner: shit my bad kid. keep forgetting your here

Vange: ….thanks….

Gravy: yknow sid and geno are making me feel kinda useless rn. like do they even need the rest of us?? 

Tanger: no seriously like stop being attention seeking whores you two.

Tito: yeah…how dare they hit majorly impressive milestones.

Flower: i’m still better than sid.

Tanger: well ofc you are.

Colts: fleury…

Flower: yes?

Colts: did you have to tell him to shoot the puck? that was so embarrassing😭

Flower: yes.

Ully: ahhh yes another goalie goal has been scored. 

Merc: Ully confirmed mom of any goalie who scores post her goal.

Ully: 😊

JJ: more important milestone was hit the night of genos 500th and whatever.

Quinner: ah yes.

Quinner: CLOUDERS FIRST AS A SABRE

Clouder: 😁

Hughesy: why don’t they have a smiley emoji with no teeth? seems non inclusive.

Frosty: joel asked EJ that last week…. EJ threw a roll of tape at his head.

Clouder: I, for one, think we should have one.

Drys: WE’RE STARTING THE PETITION

Robby: GIVE US A CLOUDER EMOJI OR GIVE US DEATH.

Jakey: i’ll give you death robby😁🔪

Domes: uh oh the girls are fighting.

Schwartzy: don’t make me come back to st. louis you two. 

Colts: if it’ll make you come back, jake kill robby.

Robby: YOOOO

Davo: WE FINALLY WONNNN

Nuge: BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

Turcs: we lost to the sens and i’m not okay

Q: we beat montreal tho soooo🤷‍♀️

Cauf: i will bite you 

Newy: 🤨📸 

Drurs: what are you Brendan Lemieux ?

Josh: oh brendan…you’ll always be famous for biting Brady’s finger😭

Beech: freddy bit sway during practice the other day soooo

Bergy: oh my god this kid🙄

Josty: in other sad news….

Josty: i’m in the AHL again sooo…

Drurs: no. i refuse to accept it still. i’m gonna riot. i finally got another girl here. come back.

Josty: not my choice unfortunately 😔

Josty: should i like…leave the gc?

G: …no??

G: why would you do that?

Josty: “Women of the NHL”

Bergy: you are an NHL player. we may not invite random AHL girls to join but you’ve been an established player for years we’re not throwing you out.

Tanger: not a chance✋

Josty: thanks guys🥲

Bert: you can also hang with us when we all have days off since you’re in chicago🤭

Josty: omg yes please. it’s been not horrible cause everybody here is pretty nice and i’ve got to see JT’s family but i’m getting bored.

Bedsy: we’ll hang soon🤝

Boqvy: i also scored my first as a panther😊

Reino: yes you did 🤭

Hughesy: AND MY BOY SMACKIE GOT HIS FIRST POINT IN THE NHL?

E-Rod: yes he did?

G: who tf is smackie?

Thom: mackie.

Hughesy: same thing.

Bo: we beat the Avs but lost to Utah. i just, i don’t know anymore.

Lindy: we also lost to utah so i think they’re just sneaky good tho. 

Bo: aren’t you hurt Ryan?

Lindy: we do not talk about it ✋

Bo: okay??

Garly: TYLER MYERS 1000th GAME TONIGHT

Garly: CHAOS GIRAFFE‼️‼️‼️

Boes: our favorite calder winner. (sorry bedsy) 

Bedsy: it’s cool🤷‍♀️

KJ: ….myers won the calder?

Bergy: yeah in 2010.

KJ: …

Hughesy: …

Bedsy: …

Backy: one old joke and you all die.

G: not a word.

Sunshine: okay grandma.

Bergy: SONNY

Sunshine: SORRY IT JUST SLIPPED OUT

G: slipped out?? YOU TYPED IT.

Sunshine: my finger slipped?

Backy: 🙄

J-Mo: anyways,  we undefeated 😁

J-Mo: honestly tho more impressed with the flames.

Schwartzy: we play them tonight.

Schwartzy: if we lose i swear.

Hughesy: patiently awaiting Kevs first as a flame🤭

Merc: when did he score his first last year?

Hughesy: …february.

Marns: might be waiting a while there babe.

JT: marns don’t be mean.

Marns: i’m never mean.

Hanny: it’s true. the canadians were trying to intimidate us at the draft and she ended up telling me my tits looked amazing in the shirt i was wearing…as an insult😭😭

Davo: in her defense…

Davo: your tits did look amazing in that shirt. 

Hanny: 🤭🤭

G: and i still say that was one of the weirdest draft classes of all time🙄

Tanger: how weird we talking?

Foery: TK weird.

G: ^^^

Tanger: yikes 😬 

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Kaner: they could never make me like you Buffalo Sabres.

Larks: omfg💀

Quinner: someone’s salty😭😭

Kaner: i’m gonna kill thompson.

JJ: LEAVE TAGE ALONE✋✋

Clouder: i played like shit lmaooooo good win tho

Quinner: NO YOU DID NOT🫵🫵

Quinner: I WILL FIGHT YOU

JJ: Dylan’s crazy is rubbing off on you.

Quinner: 🖕

Hughesy: they could never make me like you Bo.

Merc: too real

Bo: sorry??

Bergy: did you just apologize for winning??

Bo: maybe?? i don’t know, luke’s insane and i don’t trust her.

Hughesy: 😈

Hauls: luke cut it out ✋

Hughesy: also scratching nater was a crazy move

Hauls: dermy played good tho?

Hughesy: don’t care. that was mean✋

Josh: in other news the Vegas IR’s are frauds.

Hanny: i know where you sleep.

Josh: YOU WHAT??!!!

Hanny: ok well i don’t but one threat to brady and he’d tell me.

Josh: yeah he’s a traitor

G: ….anyways good game by Ully of course 

Ully: 🤭

Sunshine: okay well i keep getting scratched so i’m gonna throw myself of the roof soon😊

Backy: no you are not.

Sunshine: you can’t stop me.

Bordy: IM IN THE AHL SOOOOO

Josty: SAME✋😭

Celly: you’ll be back when you’re not hurt anymore bordy😭

Bordy: YOU DONT KNOW THAT

Gravy: and i’m the unstable one?

Tanger: yes.

Schwartzy: yes.

Woody: yes.

Merc: yes.

Gravy: ok i get it😭

Woody: my girl was cooking too fucking good and then some bitch slashed her and now she’s hurt😭😭

Rosco: RELAX MILES

Rosco: so dramatic. i should be fine. i mean it hurts like a bitch but it’s not like end of the world bad.

Cools: marino not fighting the old man allegations with the back surgery💀

Hughesy: OH HES BEEN HEARING IT FROM ME

Gravy: i’m literally older than him and dating him so please stop ✋ 

Hughesy: never😈

Frankie V: how cooked are we against the Rags tonight?

Zelly: Ryan’s back we’re cooked.

Lindy: omfg i’m not gonna kill anyone relax. (i’m gonna kill stromer)

Frankie V: what about the bond of the Ryans tho🥲

Lindy: that included Reavo sooooo.

Gravy: no more Ryans bond🙅‍♀️

Lindy: didn’t he try to kill you once?

Gravy: yeah😕

Marns: ohhhh Reavo they could never make me understand you.

JT: did he at least apologize? to you or like publicly? 

Gravy: he did not. 😐

Jo: that bitch.

Josty: EJ nearly teleported from the press box to the ice that day. 

Josty: i miss the old squad.

Gravy: same. no offense pens.

Tito: none taken. (i miss my dumb ass)

Bo: you mean your boyfriend?

Tito: yes😔

Colts: WE COOKED THE LEAFS🫵🤣

JT: really? i thought you were more mature than the children?

Colts: well that was your first mistake. i’m never mature.

Schwartzy: she’s not kidding🙄

Jakey: no robby tho😔

Robby: i’m not dead jake.

Jakey: sometimes i can still hear her voice 😭

Robby: 🖕

Monny: we also spanked the leafs. 

Marns: 🖕

KJ: team pulling through all the injuries (i’m going insane i need to skate)

Brinds: fighting through the adversity (im going to kill someone soon)

Monny: okay psychos

Bedsy: teuvo straight up going off lately

Turbo: 🤭

Bert: this bitch too humble.

Bert: she’s an absolute beast out there.

Turbo: thanks Bert🫶

Domes: telling sebastian our girls are flirting.

Turbo: do i look anything other than straight to you🤨

Domes: fair enough

Reichs: stupid nashville🥲

Beech: i second that. 

Vange: Just let us have this guys. the locker room was about to combust with pure rage i think.

Beech: 💀

Drurs: Hughesy ya boy almost killed me the other night.

Hughesy: he does that sometimes.

Drurs: we still won tho🤭

Wyjo: i miss Delly😭

Frosty: where did that come from?

Robo: she’s been like this since he scored when we played the sharks.

Celly: if it makes you feel better he seems to like it here?

Wyjo: that does not. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Celly: ok i’ll shut up now. 

Seggy: A for effort.

Davo: L pens

Nuge: 💀

Tanger: i’ll kill you.

Davo: ✋😭

Boqvy: we cooked the Rags.

Lindy: couldn’t do it on the Devils✋

Boqvy: yes we did?? 2023 playoffs?

Lindy: Stfu

Reino: BARKY IS BACK SOON

E-Rod: BOB 400th WIN

Q: i just want drew to come back😔

Q: blue line ain’t the same without him

Turcs: real.

Foery: CAPTAIN COUTS MASTERCLASS

Frosty: WTF IS A WILD🦅🦅🦅

Drys: frosty….i think you’re too canadian to do the eagle thing

Cauf: nahhh we can share for now 🦅🦅🦅🦅

G: couts needed that 

Frosty: no kidding.

Flower: we not talking about it.

Foery: is gus okay?

Flower: i said we’re not talking about it.

Newy: BO SCORED

Bo: ?

Bo: oh you mean your boyfriend 

Newy: YEAHHHH

Clouder: my goat 🐐 

Quinner: all the homies fuck with Bo

Newy: 😭😭

Boes: yall are like a cult in buffalo i swear

Clouder: 👹

Davo: you guys broke my child.

JJ: she was like that when she got here ✋

J-Mo: if we lose tonight i’ll lose it.

Hughesy: i hope you lose.

Garly: you’re boyfriend biased 

Hughesy: well duh.

Quinner: DONT CARE WERE CUP BOUND

G: …

Bergy: …

Schwartzy: do we wanna know??

JJ: she’s wasted.

Clouder: and trying to climb dylan in the middle of the bar😦

JJ: okay gotta go 👋

Sunshine: scale of 1-10 how cooked are those three?

Marns: 10

G: 20

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Drurs: I SCORED A GOAL‼️‼️‼️

Hughesy: are we- are we supposed to be surprised?

Drurs: shut up and let me enjoy this 😭

Colts: i also scored but….😭

Jakey: fuck you cole✋😭

Cauf: Me??? Newy scored too🫵

Robby: yeah but you’re always out beating down on peoples teams🫵

Newy: LMAOOOOO

Colts: 🖕

Schwartzy: Drury sweetheart? has your boyfriend always looked so kickable?

Drurs: pretty much yeah.

Merc: they could never make me hate you jarvy🐐

Hauls: they’re our division rival Merc😭

Merc: but he’s funny

J-Mo: we’re 8-0🔥🔥

Kaner: shut up josh

Josh: yeah shut up josh

Clouder: we got a josh on josh crime

Drurs: we could also have a

Drurs: tyson on tyson crime

Drurs: john on john crime

Drurs: luke on luke crime

Drurs: alex on alex crime

Drurs: tyler on tyler crime

Drurs: connor on connor on conor crime

Drurs: and a ryan on ryan on ryan on ryan crime

Foery: jack wtf💀

Quinner: so how the hell did you forget jack on jack when you are one of the jacks

Drurs: …oops

Vange: WE FINALLY WINNING GAMES

KJ: i will fight you 

Vange: …aren’t you injured?

Brinds: 🫨🫨🫨

Celly: uh oh

Brinds: you can’t just bring up another woman’s injury like that‼️‼️

Vange: sorry.

Monny: i’m gonna kill someone if you guys don’t come back soon

Monny: and boone and guddy and voronkov

Turcs: ngl voronkov is terrifying 💀

KJ: he’s harmless

Cauf: HE RAG DOLLED ARBER LAST YEAR

Cauf: ARBER

KJ: he’s just a girl 🤷‍♀️

Boes: MYSIE 1000th GAME CELEBRATION 

Garly: AND A WWWWWW

Tanger: please just shut up.

Tanger: i can’t tonight.

Gravy: i’m just gonna excuse myself right into the middle of the freeway.

Tito: gravy please don’t.

Josty: ryan i thought we talked about this bby.

Gravy: you can’t stop me✋

Tanger: i can.

Gravy: ☹️

Zelly: I TOLD YOU RYAN WAS GONNA COOK US‼️‼️

Lindy: to be fair. at least i didn’t kill stromer.

Frankie V: i would’ve preferred that.

G: that’s your future husband?

Frankie V: my future husband that i have to pick out clothes for daily cause he’s blind or something 

Beech: DONT CARE MARCHY OT WINNER

Bergy: that was aggressive johnny.

Beech: BE HAPPY BERGY!!!

Bergy: i am. you’re just a little excessive.

JT: i just- i just can’t tonight

Marns: i hate the canadian hockey market.

Domes: why are we all cursed to play in the city we grew up in???

Larks: weren’t you guys all happy to be leafs because you were from toronto??

JT: they want my head on a platter.

Marns: same.

Marns: can we talk about literally anything else?

Bert: like how we should kill jamie benn?

Seggy: AYE YOOO WHAT

Robo: someone’s mad

Reichs: yeah me.

Robo: you’re too cute to be mad.

Reichs: 😧

Bedsy: you can’t call lukas cute✋

Bedsy: not today

Wyjo: so dramatic 

Wyjo: we have 3 more games against each other 

Turbo: do you really think they’ll go any different??

Wyjo: well i sure hope not😐

Reichs: ☹️

Celly: i think im not gonna like the knights very much.

Bordy: well nobody does.

Hughesy: Briss punching air rn.

Bordy: at least he’s playing in the NHL

Celly: we’re not having this talk again✋

Sunshine: awww look at the rookie already telling people what to do

Celly: just Thom cause she won’t listen to me.

Hanny: on the plus side neither of you played.

Bordy: that does not help.

Hanny: ik sorry.

Sunshine: anywho 

Sunshine: we got shut out. i was scratched again.

Backy: they’ll put you in soon sonny.

Sunshine: do you mean before or after they trade me or waive me or something?

Backy: that’s not gonna happen.

Frosty: are you in a better mood now flower?

Flower: we still not talking about it.

Frosty: worth a shot.

Drys: it really wasn’t.

Frosty: also rip yorkie.

Drys: all the homies hate Nic Dowd.

Sunshine: insane person to hate💀

Foery: he hurt my bf☹️

Sunshine: oh

Drys: not our ginger 😭😭

Frosty: still have tipp tho 

Foery: 👨‍🦰

Reino: chucky masterclass

Boqvy: Reino masterclass 

E-Rod: maybe just a cats masterclass??

Reino: ✅

Bo: don’t wanna talk about it.

Frosty: who you think you are? flower?

Flower: i don’t like this one^^

G: she’s the sneakily irritating one.

Frosty: HEYYYYYY

Cools: i miss durzi. i miss marino and i never even played with the guy.

Hughesy: utah already can’t have shit.

Q: 💀

Cools: we play the sharks next soooo

Celly: ✋✋✋

Celly: just don’t.

Bordy: for collective sanity don’t.

Colts: collectively there is no sanity in this chat.

Marns: too real.

Jo: i got to practice today😊

Rosco: YESS PLEASE COME BACK

Jo: …

Rosco: okay so i did not practice.

Woody: ….. neither did i.

G: ?????

Rosco: just resting i swear.

Woody: they wanted us to rest so hopefully we can play against ottawa tmrw.

Cools: when did you even get hurt??

Woody: didn’t just sore.

Bert: get it together lesbians.

Bergy: Bert…

Bert: it was meant as encouragement.

Rosco: it worked. i’m encouraged.

Domes: were simple minded creatures really.

Woody: fax

Bergy: i give up.

Davo: are you ready to lose again tomorrow kaner??

Kaner: oh this bitch

Nuge: omfg connor why???

G: no fighting in the group chat or you both get kicked out.

Davo: sorry.

JJ: Anyway earlier was crazy.

Larks: we’ve moved past that ✋

JJ: not the game 

Clouder: she means Jack being absolutely wasted earlier.

Quinner: we’re not talking about that.

Clouder: Dylan straight up sucks at getting you under control when you’re drunk.

JJ: he usually just throws her over his shoulder and carries her home.

Drys: 💀💀

Quinner: to be fair…

Quinner: i’m kinda a hand full drunk.

Merc: you’re a handful stone cold sober.

Hughesy: Kevin told me stories from your OHL days.

Quinner: 😧 oh god no.

Hughesy: oh yeah. 

Hughesy: mostly just said you were insane.

Quinner: i was his worst nightmare at the ripe age of 16😈

Clouder: that tracks.

Ully: is now a good time to mention i miss my goalie hugs.

Beech: I WILL START CRYING RIGHT NOW

Wyjo: ULLY NOOOO

Gravy: that freeway is looking extra good right now. 

Colts: I DONT HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO THINK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW!!!

G: …….

Ully: sorry i asked.

Lindy: so are we all just ignoring Gravy💀

Tanger: nope. i’m kidnapping her as we speak.

Gravy: this bitch just kicked my bedroom door open like the goddamn police.

Lindy: LMAOOOO

Frosty: can we talk about it now flower?

Flower: no.

Frosty: i’m gonna make you like me now.

Flower: good luck.

Frosty: challenge accepted✅

G: oh god.

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Hughesy: MERC IS 23‼️‼️‼️‼️

Hughesy: AND WE WON

Hughesy: AND SHE HAD 2 ASSISTS‼️‼️

Zelly: no one cares.

Zelly: wait-no

Zelly: i care about Dawsons birthday. Happy Birthday girly🫶

Frankie V: Zelly try to be mean challenge: IMPOSSIBLE

Sunshine: pov mitch.

Marns: not true.

JT: yes it is.

Hanny: yes it is. 

Domes: yes it is.

Marns: enough✋

Merc: thanks zelly🫶

Celly: happy birthday dawson 🥳

Reichs: happy birthday🫶

Merc: 🫶

Bert: did anyone see fliggy and his wife’s frankenstein costumes???

Bert: talk about commitment.

Bedsy: i was too busy crying over Murph and his wife being Squints and Wendy from the sandlot✋😭

Robby: call me single in 10,000 languages why don’t you??

Bedsy: no fr.

Q: idc we cooked our costume.

Sunshine: i didn’t see it what were you???

Q: me, akil, caleb, and andre were NWA.

Sunshine: wait that’s too good.

Turcs: can’t lie it was impeccable.

Q: 🤝

Quinner: i’m still hung over.

JJ: thought lindy was gonna kill you at practice today honestly.

Clouder: he probably didn’t notice considering i’m pretty sure i was sleep walking through most of practice 

Bergy: are you three like…okay?

Clouder: ehhh.

Drurs: im scared for halloween.

Drurs: all of Seth’s costume ideas have been for better or worse…worse.

Lindy: i don’t think i’ve ever actually ever heard anyone refer to him as ‘Seth’

Marns: definitely not.

Drurs: it’s his name💀

Josty: i’m scared because i’m afraid of everything.

Gravy: we know josty✋😭

Gravy: i used to watch the video of you and comph going through the haunted house for a good laugh.

Josty: ☹️

Schwartzy: they sent shane and ryker through one.

Schwartzy: think shane pissed himself.

Domes: 💀

Woody: we should all be scared for Gravy’s halloween costume.

Woody: queen of halloween right there🎃👑

Gravy: 🤭

Gravy: so sad me and johnny only got to do one couples costume the year we were in Jersey together ☹️

Tanger: you still go crazy every year tho.

Gravy: ofc ofc

Tito: would me being a vampire offend you in any way gravy?

Merc: 💀💀💀

Gravy: ???

Tito: …

Gravy: OMFG IM NOT A VAMPIRE

Seggy: right and we all definitely believe you…

G: you guys are horrible people✋✋

Bordy: never forget KJ’s Bob Ross costume✊✊✊

KJ: i don’t wanna hear it.

KJ: you were an e-girl that year.

KJ: that’s not even a costume.

Colts: you were…bob ross??

Bordy: i’ll send you the picture.

KJ: no you will not.

Colts: OMFGGGG😭😭😭😭

Colts: KJ NOOOOO

Colts: why tf is everyone else elves????

KJ: idfk it was michigan.

Hughesy: we were all scooby doo one year.

Marns: like the scooby doo characters??

Beech: no they were all just scooby doo. not kidding.

Merc: we gotta step up this year. me, luke, and the boys were all spider-man last year.

Jakey: luke didn’t do a couples costume with kevin?

Hughesy: we weren’t dating yet.

Hauls: she was obsessing she means.

Merc: thirsting is more like it.

Hughesy: i hate you both✋

Merc: you told me you wanted to climb him✊😭

Hughesy: I WAS DRUNK

JJ: i mean he’s like climbable height.

Hughesy: 😭😭

Colts: not a word tyler✋

Seggy: I WASNT GONNA SAY ANYTHING

Wyjo: okay well i will

Wyjo: colton’s climbable

Colts: YOURE A CHILD✋😐

Wyjo: sooooo????

Jakey: cmon colton you gotta get out there man.

Colts: SHES A CHILD‼️‼️‼️

Backy: jake. no. don’t encourage whatever this is.

Brinds: why is this what i open the chat to???😭😭

Reino: i also think colton is climbable.

Reino: gravy too.

Gravy: REINO✋😭😭😭

Bergy: how about we end this conversation now.

Davo: drai OT winner on his birthday‼️

E-Rod: gross.

Nuge: don’t be a hater.

E-Rod: i had to bear witness to matt sexting him afterwards. 

E-Rod: IVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE A HATER.

Nuge: damn. that’s fair.

Davo: 💀💀

KJ: get ready to lose tomorrow oil country🔥🔥

Monny: KJ please don’t.

Monny: the last thing we need with our already shit luck is you jinxing us or something.

KJ: we’re cooked regardless honestly.

Nuge: stop being injured then child.

KJ: IM TRYING

Woody: ME AND ROSS BOTH PLAYED TODAY

Jo: 🐐🐐🐐

Rosco: told yall i was fine.

Brinds: don’t flex.

KJ:^^^^

Celly: ^^^^

Rosco: sorry children.

Hughesy: anyways happy birthday merc and what a W

Merc: WTFFFF IS A DUCK⁉️⁉️⁉️

Zelly: …..

Zelly: ………. a bird……

Frankie: 💀

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

KJ: SUCK IT FLIGHTLESS BIRDS

KJ: sorry that was uncalled for.

KJ: i ate a lot of sugar tonight.

Gravy: ummmm okay then…

Tito: you are insane.

KJ: i’ve been called worse.

Bordy: probably by me.

KJ: definitely by you.

Tanger: i was not expecting a “flightless bird” text while laying in bed ill

KJ: sorry 😞 

Monny: is jarry like…okay??

Gravy: idrk at this point hoping he shakes it off.

Gravy: but we all didn’t show up tonight 

Tito: and we’re all apparently on the trade block. like everyone. EVERYONE BUT SID. which like obviously. but not geno? not tanger? not doc? not rusty?

Tanger: yeah crazy move by dubas.

Marns: average Dubas moment honestly.

Marns: also did i happen to see a certain baby blue jacket or two back on the ice??

Brinds: YESSSS. IM CONDITIONING DOWN IN CLEVELAND BUT OFFICIALLY OFF IR.

KJ: still rehabbing but back on the ice and oh does that feel good.

G: glad you guys are doing better.

G: Av’s you guys got some people back today?

Rosco: my lover played hockey today😁 (i did not😭🔫)

Woody: back before you know it bby😘

Jo: good to be on the ice again. not so good to get spanked by the caps.

Sunshine: damn there was spanking and i couldn’t even play?😞

Backy: enough out of you.

Jo: we also got Val back…

Bergy: how’d that blow over?

Jo: he was fine and everything.

Jo: i just like feel like such an asshole for like not wanting him here. like he’s a good player and a half decent person at least.

Jo: and i feel guilty because like addiction and stuff is a real struggle but i just don’t want a teammate that flakes on the team when it’s most important twice and can never truly be trusted again.

G: i don’t think you should feel guilty about that. it was a bold choice by your staff bringing him back in after this happened twice. you do not have to agree with it.

Bergy: you’re completely right that you should feel like you can trust your teammates. you want reliable people willing to go to battle for you every game. not disappear when the team needs them most.

Jo: thanks guys❤️

JJ: may i now break up this serious discussion to show my distaste in the silly things ryan said about not being good enough at the beginning of this season because GOD DAMN

Flower: it is always a good time to say something like that😊

Clouder: i’m playing fine the team is playing well.

Quinner: do you want me to attack you. i know what hotel number yours is.

Clouder: 😧

Schwartzy: what did we say about threatening people with violence?

Quinner: fine. clouder, i’m gonna kill you with the power of friendship.

Schwartzy: that’s better.

Marns: in other, more positive and less uncomfy return news:

Marns: we now have a real life viking on the blue line. 

Seggy: JANIIIIIIII

JT: he was intimidating for five seconds and then i realized he was a huge nerd.

Robo: so real.

Wyjo: awwwww i miss our finnish dilf☹️

JT: …

G: …

Marns: … dare i say real?

Jakey: yes you dare say it. cause mmmmhhhmmmm.

G: you’re all insane.

Marns: ehhhhh

Celly: wyatt??? i didn’t think you were particularly into dilfs??

Wyjo: oh i see how it is you little shit.

Seggy: see how what is my sweet flower child??🤨🤨

Drys: yeah johnny share with the class.

Wyjo: ugghhhhhh.fine.

Celly: i was kidding you don’t have to actually tell them.

Wyjo: not it’s fine i’ve been meaning to get it over with. 

G: you sure?

Wyjo: yeah.

Wyjo: basically, after the shootout win against SJ me and Delly were talking and he might have sort of kissed me. multiple times.

Robo: I KNEW YOU TWO WERE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER

Wyjo: okay well we’re both a little slow but we got there eventually.

Wyjo: anyway things might have gotten a little more…heated.

Celly: in a supply closet.

Wyjo: shut up. anyways in barges Will Smith. looking for stick tape.

Wyjo: they were about to get on a damn plane so who knows why he needed that.

Bordy: he’s strange. 

Wyjo: anyhoo, delly swore him to secrecy until we figured our shit out and then he totally went back to SJ and told mack. and joe thorton and patrick marleau?

Celly: in his defense it was a panicked accident and joe and patrick were just real confused. and then jumped into talk about how you were a really good skater and forgot about everything else.

Wyjo: 💀

Robo: and did you guys “figure your shit out”?

Wyjo: we’re trying the long distance thing. 

Beech: it’s really not the most difficult thing if you both put the effort in.

Ully: yeah it’s been honestly okay so far.

Drys: same here

Clouder: i miss Ev a lot but same.

Wyjo: we’re gonna do our best

Bordy: also like…

Bordy: a little trip to SJ on an off weekend for a “girls weekend” would not be a bad way to spend time together if you’re not ready to spill to everyone yet.

Wyjo: i love you thomas. 

Bordy: i get that a lot💁‍♀️

KJ: yourself in the mirror does not count.

Sunshine: SHOTS FIRED

G: i will kick you both out if you start fighting.

Zelly: bad time to say holy comeback?

Kaner: yes

Larks: yes

Frankie V: nope it’s the perfect time.

Hughesy: Boyfriend W. (he did not do shit)

Vange: 😁🔫

Merc: losing to the flames is not that deep Vange i promise.

Vange: it is when we suck rn.

Cools: they could never make me like you William Karlsson.

Hanny: W Willy.

Cools: no☹️

Hanny: good night salt lake city.

Cools: screw you.

Cools: that was mean.

Cools: goodnight.

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Garly: i haven’t said anything yet cause idek what to say honestly

Nuge: …

Bergy: before anyone says anything let’s handle this rationally. we’re all grown ups here and this is a side of the game.

Davo: in my defense.

Davo: you were being such a bitch.

Nuge: DAVO

G: connor seriously?

Davo: SHE WAS

Garly: YOU DIDNT NEED TO CROSSCHECK MY FACE

Clouder: YOUR STUPID GIRAFFE MAN DIDNT NEED TO CROSSCHECK MY BF

Davo: okay Ev kinda earned that one.

Boes: what is even happening?

Clouder: i feel betrayed rn.

Davo: you are in buffalo bby.

Quinner: and thank god for that

JJ: amen

Sonny: *awoman

JT: …sure sonny

Cauf: i would just like to say Monty owns your poverty franchise.

Cauf: so does Newy.

Newy: bby there are no lightning players in this gc…

Domes: no no let her cook

Newy: October 9th, 2024.

Marns: screw you

Marns: and Montembeaults 48 saves

Ully: take it back quickly.

Tanger: seriously marner take it back.

Marns: no?

Flower: …

Flower: what did you say about my quebec born baby goalie?

Cauf: baby=28 year old man

Flower: doesn’t matter

Marns: sorry sorry i wasn’t aware you claimed all the french canadian goalies

Flower: i claim whatever goalies i want

Flower: not swayman. he your problem linus

Seggy: jake is robos.

Robo: fleury can still adopt him ig

Flower: i’m your mother in law now.

Robo: oh

Frosty: anyway how’s suspension treating you Connor

Davo: we lost today so bad.

Sonny: tehe

Davo: don’t you “tehe” 

Davo: you didn’t play

Sonny: smd

G: sonny.

Sonny: i hate you guys for teaching G what all the texting abbreviations mean.

Josh: she tricked me into telling her😔

Seggy: have i mentioned i dislike the canes recently?

Wyjo: ummm 

Wyjo: 72 times in the locker room. and on the bench. and in the team gc.

Drurs: oops

Josty: i enjoyed the game thoroughly from my bed

Drurs: come back pookie

Josty: my bad😔

Celly: hey gravy?

Gravy: yes?

Celly: know any good places in nashville for walking into traffic.

Drys: MACKLIN???

Gravy: yeah and i’m not sharing em with you✋

Vange: please just let us have this one

Celly: YOU GUYS ARE ON A HOME WIN STREAK SHUT UP

Bordy: Celly crashout in the gc was unexpected but fair

Celly: COME BACK TO THE SHARKS

Wyjo: hey quick question mack?

Celly: …what?

Wyjo: wya? currently?

Celly: IN NASHVILLE ???

Wyjo: I MEAN WHERE IN NASHVILLE YOU BRAT???

Celly: oh

Celly: my hotel room

Robo: you should not have told her that✋

Celly: wyatt…

Wyjo: Delly will be there in t-minus 2 minutes☺️

Celly: …

Celly: ok

Lindy: skdbdgxhejsnsksxbshsvwjxkebdhsh

Marns: Ryan’s laughing

Marns: who died??

Lindy: y’all let Remps score a goal.

Merc: yeah ully fix your fellow goalies

Merc: ya can’t let that guy score

Ully: 🥲 no comment

Josh: come back.

Ully: i’m trying

JJ: what happened canucks?

Garly: i will fight you

JJ: too short.

Boes: …at least Petey scored??

Garly: our loss can not be sugar coated because you get makeup sex after the game.

Jo: NO ONE NEEDED TO KNOW THAT???

Rosco: why? you tell me about you and nate??

Jo: that was once and i was drunk✋

Bedsy: tmi

Reichs: prude.

Hughesy: Lukas knows the word prude?

Bert: yeah she calls Bedsy it daily.

Bedsy: I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT HER AND VLAS GET UP TO

Hughesy: prude.

Merc: prude.

Foery: prude.

JJ: prude.

Reichs: prude.

G: how about we stop talking about EVERYONES sex lives

Frosty: awwww but Bee scored today

G: that is the LAST thing I wanna hear about in regards to sex.

Robby: your not fighting the mom allegations G.

Colts: *you’re

Robby: this bitch.

Zelly: i hate florida.

Reino: sorry short stack

Frankie V: 💀💀💀

Frankie V: fyi last time someone called her that, they were left on the floor in pain

Hughesy: …

Hughesy: nate is still sorry.

Merc: yeah, ya didn’t need to knee him where the sun don’t shine

Tanger: i love you Olen.

JT: please don’t encourage her

Flower: i say we encourage 

Seggy: ^^^^

Davo: if only it was another guy dating one of Luke’s brothers…

Garly: YOU LEAVE OUR GIRAFFE MAN OUT OF THIS

Hughesy: lmaoo the girls are fighting

Boes: ….

Hughesy: WAIT A DAMN MINUTE WHAT

Hughesy: BROCK WHAT

Brock: goodnight gc.

Chapter Text

“Woman of the NHL”

Drurs: god damn it Lou

Sonny: pardon?

Bo: I still have confidence in this team but lowkey

Bo: someone get me off the island 

Seggy: okay so we’re talking about Lou as in scary Isles GM Lou

Clouder: oh my god ew ew ew

Clouder: i just saw

Clouder: I thought we got rid of him

Bergy: someone share with the class I'm about to go into an appointment and cannot look up the Islanders right now

Bo: tony deangelo.

Bergy: oh, why Lou why??

Lindy: matter of fact get me out of the Metro

Backy: everyone calm down.

Backy: I know everyone in this group can hold their own and has teammates who will protect them if needed

Bo: maybe i’ll just take one for the team (this team not the Isles) and kill him before he hits the ice

G: yeah let’s save that as a last resort

Frosty: Drury how you feeling about this??

Drurs: scared. he usually left me alone because leadership threatened his position on the team if he did or said anything to me but he’s on the other side of the ice now

Bo: yeah and not to put the spirits lower than they already are, something tells me management here cares more about winning than that stuff so not many consequences over here

Gravy: Can we just recruit one goon in the league to put him out of commission 

G: whether he’s a dick or not we always promised this chat was not for conspiring against people in the league

Gravy: you literally speared Reavo where the sun don’t shine after he hurt me

G: HE WAS KNEELING ON YOUR SKULL RYAN

G: AND PULLING YOUR HAIR

Marns: i did not need that reminder but i will be aiming for Reavos lower body during practice

JT: mitchell.

Marns: :(

Domes: anyways we already figured out the  Deangelo thing after practice cause Connor was sitting in his stall spaced out and shaking like a leaf

Domes: pun fully intended 

Brinds: which connor?

Marns: Dewar. he just said some really shitty stuff to him on the ice when he was in Minnesota. Spurgeon and one of the referees even reported it to the league but they didn’t do anything.

Foery: yeah he told me and Yorkie about it when they were hanging out last time we were in Toronto.

G: i didn’t realize they were friends.

Foery: G the four of them have a group chat. 

Drys: it’s called the Transformers…

Marns:😭😭😭😭

Marns: LMAOOOOOO

Mack: do i want to know???

Foery: did no one inform the rookies smh??

Brinds: about???

Foery: the trans guys in the league??

Brinds: yeah definitely didn’t hear that.

Mack: who is it?

Foery: just to be clear I’m allowed to tell them right?

Foery: ik cam doesn’t care

Cauf: everyone else knows about the rest it’s not a secret 

Foery: Cam York (my wonderful sorta stupid Ginger)

Mack: yknow what that makes more sense

Foery: do i wanna know what he said or did?

Mack: well i saw Jamie in the hall in Philly when they were both out and I was gonna go say hi, but then Cam was leaning all over her whining about something and I heard her say “that time of the month?”

Mack: i thought she was being sarcastic honestly 

Drys: but if you had stuck around for about 2 seconds you would have heard him literally start crying

Foery: big baby that one🙄

Turcs: oh yorkie our dramatic king

Foery: take him back?

Cauf: nope he’s yours

Frosty: give him to joel they need each other.

Foery: i just love when our boyfriends leave us for each other😍

Brinds: who are the other ones?

Brinds: actually how many trans guys are there in the league?

Brinds: i don’t want this to sound transphobic or anything but like wouldn’t that be sorta obvious.

Cauf: some of them were when they first started playing 

Cauf: also some were blessed with masculine builds like being built like a brick shithouse

Newy: LMAOOOO

Newy: i love arber.

Mack: Xhekaj is trans??

Cauf: yep

Marns: obviously we already mentioned Dewey

Sonny: well your Dewey should come get his other half cause MY dewey is insane

Sonny: within like a week of being here he got drunk and started telling me about how good their sex was.

G: already too much information.

Ully: i think they’re adorable 

Flower: connor is adorable.

Flower: brandon is like yappy puppy.

Gravy: the last of the ‘Transformers’ (thank you Slafkovsky for giving them that name🙄) is Johnny btw

Hughesy: COME BACK JOHNNY I MISS YOU

Merc: ^^^^^

Cools: NO WAY

Cools: WE JUST GOT HIM HES OURS

Gravy: …anyways

Tanger: DeAngelo almost caught a stick to the face from Sid the first time we played them after Johnny started playing

Woody: do we want to know what he did?

Gravy: pulled out the deadname.

Marns: that bitch.

Ully: culture confusion what is “deadname”?

G: your name you were born with after you changed it.

Gravy: honestly i only know Johnnys deadname cause i’ve been to their house in Mass and they still have stuff up from when they were kids that has his old name on it

Gravy: he doesn’t care obviously. his parents are great about it.

Tanger: I would love to know how the hell that rat figured it out

Frankie V: stromer was on the team back then. afterwards there was an argument about it in the locker room and it seems like he looked up his parents and found his moms old facebook something or other from like the early facebook days and it said his old name

Lindy: once again save me from the metro

Cauf: if we’re done introducing the young ones to those clowns

Cauf: (they’re actually all great ally’s if you can’t find one of us btw)

Cauf: I HATE HOCKEY

G: okay…

G: well that puts you in a bit of a predicament considering you play professional hockey.

Newy: i know where she’s going with this

Newy: SAVE MONTY

Cauf: I HATE OUR DEFENSE (Not really)

Cauf: I HATE OUR FANS (a little more really)

Larks: yeah 40 saves is a lot to still get blamed

Cauf: and then it’s all “start dobes he’s better” or “we need a real #1 goalie”

Cauf: DOBES IS A ROOKIE AND HES GREAT DONT GET ME WRONG BUT MONTY IS OUR STARTER AND HE PLAYED GREAT HE CANT JUST BAIL US OUT EVERY GAME

Newy: One goal was a power play goal: we take way too many penalties. One goal was a shorthanded goal: LANE FELL DOWN AND LEFT MONTY 1 ON 0

Newy: EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES ITS NOT LANES FAULT BUT WE MAKE TOO DAMN MANY

Bergy: okay everybody calm down

Bergy: i’m done with my appointment and caught up 

Bergy: the important thing is you know it’s not your goalies fault. 

Hauls: and maybe talk to Montembeault. make sure he knows you guys feel that way?

Merc: and tell him you're thankful for him. and you love him…

Cauf: 🤨

Hughesy: NO MARKY FOR 4-6 WEEKS😭😭😭😭

Beech: it was not Braz’s fault✋😒

Merc: I DONT CARE WHOSE FAULT IT WAS I WANT HIM BACK

Hughesy: and you guys still couldn’t, i don’t know , win

Beech: Stfu

Merc: you just lost to first line nathan bastian 🫵😭

Woody: my baby 4th liner all grown up🥲

Woody: i practically raised him

Clouder: yknow my brother was also on that line right??

Woody: we don’t speak of him.

Clouder: amen.

Merc: anyway he was clearly fired up after the game, considering Luke showed up at my place

Hughesy: NATE AND NICO LITERALLY HAVE THEIR OWN APARTMENTS THEY DO NOT NEED TO COME TO OUR PLACE

Colts: i thought you were rescuing the poor girl Merc. 

Merc: DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND APARTMENTS IN NEW JERSEY

Hughesy: i’ve practically moved in at this point anyway 

Hughesy: it was that or i was gonna go to Nate’s, throw all his stuff out the window, and steal his apartment 

Merc: we’re taking his couch for sure.

Hughesy: oh yeah.

Gravy: good luck it took: me, Johnny, Nate, Jonas, Dougie, and Kevin like two hours to get that thing into his apartment 

Hughesy: so we just take the whole apartment?

Merc: works for me:)

Wyjo: DELLYS HURT

G: where did you just come from?

Robo: she’s been crying all over Roope for an hour…

Wyjo: IM GONNA DIE

Wyjo: HES HURT AND IM IN TEXAS CAUSE WE HAVE A GAME TONIGHT 

G: this is the dramatic honeymoon stage of dating another player.

JT: she’ll get over it

Bergy: hopefully fast🙄

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Drurs: i’m not okay so don’t ask.

Woody: yeah wtf honestly.

Bedsy: i don’t want hallsy to leave:(

Bedsy: sorry jack

G: i know you’re not okay, but are you and Seth okay?

Drurs: I don’t know.

Drurs: I know it was dumb but I thought we were safe from this because we both resigned over the summer.

Josty: i’ve been sobbing to JT for an hour.

Josty: Kerf is done losing so he can listen to me now

Drurs: :(

Drys: you guys will figure it out Jack.

Drurs: i know i just don’t want to. 

Drurs: i just want to stay here, with him

Ully: oh baby…

Gravy: there should be no trade clauses for couples

Gravy: (i know i’m a hypocrite cause i left jersey but they weren’t resigning me)

Hauls: nobody blames you for that Ryan

Hauls: including Johnny

Hughesy: this is making me miss Kev:(

Newy: same

Newy: not Kevin but yknow Bo

Hughesy: i figured🤨

G: how are people taking it on the Avs side?

Jo: Nate broke a plate in the kitchen

Jo: he did NOT throw it btw

Jo: red flag✋

Jo: he just dropped it

Jo: and then cried because he dropped it

Woody: i’m hugging ross and crying

Woody: logan is also hugging ross and crying

Woody: we are in our bed so that’s odd but not unheard of honestly 

Hanny: damn.

Seggy: how’s Rantanen and Necas taking it.

Drurs: marty’s being weird and super businesslike about it…

Bergy: …

Bergy: he’s a man…

JT: true true

Turbo: Seb called me crying:(

Drurs: please don’t tell me that…

Drurs: they’re all really sad about Marty

Josty: …and you babe

Drurs: think that’s just you but that’s not important

Gravy: jack do not start rn

Quinner: you just got traded babe please don’t be self sabotaging rn

Flower: ^^^^

G: there’s a lot of people in here who have been traded so please just talk to us if you need to

Clouder: and a lot of people doing long distance.

Ully: ^^^^

Gravy: ^^^^

Beech: ^^^^

Josty: ^^^^

Turbo: ^^^

Wyjo: ^^^

Larks: ^^^^

Davo: ^^^^

Hughesy: ^^^^

Drys: ^^^^

Tito: ^^^

Bordy: ^^^^

Domes: ^^^^

Bert: ^^^^

Drurs: jesus christ is there that many of us now???

Drys: guess so…

Colts: i hope your GM gets hit by a bus.

Backy: COLTON??

Colts: i’m not sorry.

Schwartzy: i’m not either honestly.

Colts: :)

Jakey: praying for you jacky

Q: literally on our dads trip and trying to explain to my dad why i started crying over a trade involving 3 teams that are NOT ours

Drurs: don’t let me ruin your dads trip:(

Q: THE TEAMS RUINED MY DADS TRIP

Jo: okay btw Mikko is acting totally fine

Tanger: men…

Jo: that and i think this is hurting us way more than it hurts him.

Woody: I love him but he just wants to win  :(

Celly: i’m sad now. 

Flower: don’t be sad baby shark

Drurs: di-did she just??….

Celly: GOD NO DO NOT START THAT

Seggy: baby shark dooo dooo doo

Kaner: i will leave this gc i stg

Seggy: K bye 👋

Kaner: i will kill you.

G: can you two read the room?

Drurs: nahhh Seth is reading over my shoulder and that definitely helped a little

Seggy: glad to be of assistance 🫡

Drurs: okay i’m gonna go hug my boyfriend.

Hughesy: …

Hughesy: i’m gonna go hug my brothers boyfriend and cry i think.

Cauf: why not hug jack?

Hughesy: Nate gives better hugs🤷‍♀️

Merc: real actually.

Marns: haven’t had a Nate Hug™️ in too long :(

Hughesy: i’ll give him one for you 

Marns: Thanks babe 🫡

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

G: Frosty are we okay kid?

Frosty: ….

Frosty: i don’t honestly know.

Frosty: ….calgary?

Drys: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Foery: please don’t leave me.

Beech: at least you have Joel with you??

Clouder: Yeah honestly Brierre cooked with that one.

Foery: NO HE DIDNT

Foery: NO OFFENSE FROSTY BUT I WANT MY ROOMIE BACK

Frosty: sorry tys.

G: Tyson you’re going to be okay. You guys still have your little group there, yeah?

Foery: IM A HYSTERICAL WRECK

Foery: JAMIES BEEN REMINISCING ON BEING TRADED

Foery: CAM HASNT GOTTEN OUT OF BED SINCE 

Foery: BOBBY HAS BEEN BLANKLY STARING AT A WALL

Foery: ANDDDDD

Foery: Laughts cried…

G: yeah, i know he called me.

Josty: I don’t know how much this will help but…

Josty: I know Naz and Big Tys and they’re great guys. they’ll take care of you guys in Calgary

Frosty: yeah, EJ said the same thing

Hughesy: Kevin is also there. he’s hurt (fuck you Lauko👀) but when he’s back fs.

Frosty: yeah he already texted me and Joel to welcome us and stuff

Flower: i thought he’d be concussed for sure🤔

Beech: oh Lauks, my problematic king

Hughesy: i will kill your problematic king

Merc: as if Kev isn’t literally also a problematic king

Gravy: hey! don’t talk about my Rookie that way!

Tanger: Bahl was your rookie?💀

Gravy: i don’t wanna hear it✋my bf was your rookie

Bergy: anyways how are you feeling about the trade morgan? they are right you do get to go with your boyfriend at least?

Frosty: honestly i don’t know.

Frosty: it feels good to not be doing this alone but then it’s like…

Frosty: he’s sad. he loves Philly. I do too, so I get it but I don’t know if being traded would hurt more or less without him.

Foery: what was your boy thinking G? like seriously?

G: ok first of all

G: i think you’re too young to be calling Danny “my boy”

G: second this wasn’t really on him.

G: he said they offered Frosty for Kuzmenko and Pelletier and a few picks but Conroy wanted more

G: and asked for Joel specifically

G: then it felt like it was probably for the best so they could stay together

Frosty: well i think it’s bullshit since they’re already talking about resigning me (if things go well) at the end of the season and letting Bee walk 

Frosty: then I’ll still be somewhere new. Alone. and Bee will have to find somewhere new. Alone.

Backy: This is the hard part. none of this stuff is ever easy for you guys or for the GMs.

Backy: especially when it’s someone like Brierre who very much knows you guys are together and cares about you and knows G cares about you

Seggy: even if they try not to get emotionally invested, they totally do.

Hughesy: Jack has been talking a whole lot of nonsense about threatening Fitzy into resigning Nater at the end of the year. Nate is the only one trying to talk him off that ledge because I think he’s pretty sure they’ll trade him or let him walk.

Merc: not Bass😔😔

Foery: Cams still crying…

Foery: I literally do not know how to make him stop

Cauf: put on cartoons.

Turcs: literally stole the thoughts from my head.

Foery: ??

Cauf: your bf is an overgrown toddler sometimes. when he’s overly fixated on being upset you put on cartoons and he gets distracted 

G: true story. i’ve seen Bee do it to him before.

Foery: …

Foery: i think it worked actually

Frosty: oh cam you simple minded Ginger.

Frosty: i’m gonna miss him

Vange: please stop im literally gonna cry

Wyjo: looked up at Oscar and sighed.

Wyjo: nothing wrong with him, he’s just not Delly.

Seggy: leave our brace face 24year old rookie alone. 

Robo: oh Bäcky you strange child

Robo: (that is fs flirting with my boyfriend)

Frosty: LMAOOO

Frosty: imagining Jason watching the rookie flirt with her man is actually really helping rn

Celly: Just hugged Joe and cried for an hour and he is not chronically online so he did not know about the trade and was also really confused as to why i was so upset about “Frosty and that other guy”

Foery: Bee would be honored to be called “that other guy”

Drys: at least you guys won’t be here for the shit show following Michy and Torts yesterday.

Foery: we are just gaining another russian yknow.

Hauls: what happened yesterday. i stayed offline once i heard about the trade. too sad.

Frosty: Michkov and Torts were SCREAMING at each other on the bench

Frosty: i had already been pulled so idk what was said

Foery: idk either but afterwards, even though he really does like both of them, Zamula told me and Cam that when Fedotov was “talking michkov down” in the locker room later 

Foery: they were just shit talking Torts and saying he’s an asshole and whatever

Drys: he can be mean but also, and i get there’s a language barrier, Michy is like….not the best listener 

G: Unfortunately with coaches like these and players like that it will either work itself out because one of them (hopefully Michkov) gave in or one of them will go (probably Torts no matter what)

Foery: do you know something we don’t Claude 🤨

Colts: Yeah G, i thought your GM Husband didn’t share secrets about their team to you

Woody: 📸🤨

G: you guys are unbelievable 

G: and no Danny hasn’t said anything 

Drurs: As someone who was just traded in season, the guys (and ladies) were great when i got here

Woody: happy to have you ma’am

Rosco: 🫶🫶🫶

Jo: ^^^

Josty: DONT CARE COME BACK

Josty: sorry that was uncalled for ✊😔

Drys: and as someone traded to your team mid season before, you guys fit well with everyone you’ll be good

Davo: in other news i received the strangest text from a rival captain late last night 

Reino: was it barky??? omfg it was barky wasn’t it??

Davo: no.

Davo: Backlund.

G: …why??

Hughesy: sidgwushehsowbxhehejsnwhdb

Hughesy: Kev told him not too, but he did not listen I guess

Davo: advice i guess?

Davo: he hasn’t played with a girl in a while…

Frosty: ………

Frosty: idk whether to be touched or embarrassed.

Davo: it seemed very genuine and Backlunds a pretty cool dude, plus he has a daughter sooo yknow girl power and stuff

KJ: “girl power”

KJ: you sound like Johnny when they brought their daughter to family skate my rookie season and he was all excited about me being a role model for her and whatever

Monny: i’m still her favorite ✋🤨

Frankie V: anyway the west coast is at least warmer than the east???

Frosty: calgary frank.

Frosty: not california.

Frosty: they’ve had more snow than we have this year.

Foery: LMAOOOOOO

Frankie V: i failed Geography don’t talk to me✋😔

Chapter Text

“Women of the NHL”

Bedsy: Spencer Knight masterclass :)

Bert: that’s Our Lord and Savior Spencer Knight to you

Reino: I hate that we traded him

Reino: proud of the kid though

Cauf: goat behavior honestly

Cauf: Kinda like my boyfriend putting up a casual 4 points

Newy: Ummmmm let us not graze over the fact that YOU HIT 30 GOALS BITCH

Cauf: :)

Clouder: happy for you but also fuck you guys

Cauf: :(

G: we fumbled bad today

Ully: i need to be better

Josh: *we all need to be better

Josh: hush Ully

Sonny: I just wanna play hockey brooooo

G: are you getting close to a return?

Sonny: i think so but there’s no guarantee they play me

G: soon kid

Q: I for one am not happy for Spencers first game with the hawks

Q: 42 damn shots and we can only get ONE

Turcs: hey do not be mean to my silly, confused former goalie

Q: mb

Merc: jacks hurt again, we got shutout again, had to look at holtzy in a knights jersey again, trade deadline is coming, everybody getting traded, my chest hurts, im gonna cry—

Hauls: deep breath merc

Hughesy: Jack needs to be bubble wrapped because I cant take another season where hes hurt and miserable and Nate and Nico keep giving me sad, pitying looks because I’m stressed out

Hughesy: thats if Nate’s even here come Friday

Merc: dont speak that into existence lil bro :(

G: okay both of you take a deep breath. How serious is Jacks injury looking?

Hughesy: I have no idea they wont tell me anything

Hughesy: and then my idiot gave me a heart attack last night. came off the ice with 1000 messages asking if he was okay

Josty: omg that was so scary

Frosty: yeah really glad hes okay

Bergy: what happened I didn’t see anything?

Frosty: Kevin laid out and blocked a shot but accidentally blocked it with his head from close range

G: oh jesus

JT: is he out again?

Hughesy: doesn’t sound like it.

Hughesy: he said he just had a killer headache

Frosty: yeah he got it to the back of the helmet and had a pressure cut, he came back to the bench tho

G: thats good, scary when that happens

Josty: Slavvo looked like he was gonna cry

Josty: hes the one that shot it

Tito: we never discussed my girl Gravy

Gravy: ?

Seggy: dont act confused babe we all saw the billion social media posts about it

Gravy: omfg i do not want to talk about that

Foery: me neither that game was horrifying

Drys: hush Tys its still important for Ryan

Gravy: no it really isn’t 

Marns: why do you seem so upset about it

Gravy: it was one point in 43 games, a secondary assist, i wasn’t on the ice when the puck went in, i was still a minus 2, i sold out our goalie horribly, im still probably getting traded, i got scratched again the next game, and all the posts you saw were memes

Gravy: do you want me to continue

Tanger: nah cause i cant drive and read

Gravy: do not come to my house

Tanger: too late. on my way. so is sid.

Gravy: fuck you.

Gravy: which one of you told johnny to call me?

Hughesy: …..

Gravy: screw you.

Gravy: goodnight.

Hughesy: is she actually mad at me?

Colts: probably not.

Colts: shes just having a tough time.

Wyjo: shes right though

Wyjo: why the hell would sullivan scratch her when she finally got on the board

G: coaches make rash decisions when their team is in a bad position

Tito: I’m worried about her.

Tito: all the defenseman have been hard on themselves but her more than any of them

Tito: She keeps trying to talk with the goalies, apologize for playing bad, usually they listen and tell her its not her fault

Tito: after he got pulled, and his meltdown, and the comeback she tried to talk to Ned and he totally brushed her off and got mean like it was only her fault

Foery: no offense but coming from the other side…

Foery: the defense was bad but so was he

Tito: right exactly

G: tanger’s got her guys

Hughesy: but what happens if shes not with Tanger by Friday?

G: then somebody else will have her because Tanger has connections and so do the rest of us

Lindy: im in colorado. felt like we should discuss that.

Drurs: you are and we’re all very happy about it.

Woody: the ladies are taking over here fr fr

G: how are you doing being away from Adam though

Lindy: still super new but I’m okay

Lindy: i loved being with him there but I was miserable

Lindy: M!ller already pissed me off

Garly: hes an……acquired taste

Lindy: hes a bitch.

Boes: fair enough

Boes: i hate that his success is being used against petey

Boes: he knows hes playing bad. that does NOT mean they traded the “wrong” person

Celly: is deadline time always this messy and depressing (in general but also in the gc)

KJ: its always chaotic but this year more of the girls seem to be in play

KJ: or their bf or someone is in play

KJ: its also always depressing because self doubt or couples being broken up or GM’s being assholes

Celly: that’s……encouraging

Sonny: nothing about deadline time is encouraging i fear

Robby: just read through all the messages i missed and started crying I hate this part of hockey

Larks: same

Bergy: we all do