Archive of Our Own ^beta

After working hard for the past few weeks, it was a blessing to have the office slow down and become calmer. The amount of paperwork had decreased, and the once hurried footsteps turned leisurely. After overcoming numerous missions and threats, the agency members were finally able to sit down and chat for a bit.

Kunikida and Atsushi started a conversation that quickly drew in the rest of their usual group, or at least, those who managed to stay awake in their seats by the end of their day. Their topics ranged in variety, but they mainly kept talking about their last two rough weeks. Yosano groaned as she placed a hand on her hip, the other wiping her brow. "If I have to see another fucking patient before my well-deserved vacation, I'll officially lose it."

Ranpo laughed heartily as he pulled the lollipop he had from his mouth, "As if we'll ever get that, the city's too hectic for any of us to ever truly relax. The second we close our eyes, aliens might as well drop from the sky," to which Atsushi chimed in, "Doesn't seem like that to me, Dazai's practically living with his eyes closed and yet nothing truly terrible has ever happened to him,"

Yosano tilts her head, raising an eyebrow to express her incredulity, "Are we talking about the same man who, only recently, was shot, stabbed, and jailed?". Atsushi's lips form a small 'o' as his gaze drops to the desk in front of him, "Well, I guess that's true but it always feels like he's unbreakable, like, even if something bad were to happen, he'd embrace it with a smile."

Kunikida hums while kneading his hands, which hurt from the amount of writing he's done in the past few days. "That's true, the bastard once got revived and hospitalized, and the first thing he does is cheer, saying he got to see his favorite nurse again."

At that point, the door to the office opened, and Dazai, who was previously absent and left to get a 'snack', walked in with a cup of steaming tea. He waved and said hello to everyone, in his own special way. "I'm back~ got a little held back when the first cup spilled and burned my hands, but I'm finally here on my third attempt!~"

Ranpo deadpanned and glanced over at Atsushi, "Yeah, you're right about the 'living with closed eyes' thing. He's helpless." which Atsushi found ironic, coming from the man who can't figure out how public transportation works.

When the brunet sat down, Dazai got cozy while the others went on with their conversation. Dazai simply drew his attention to his phone, looking something up or just randomly scrolling as he half-listened to what was being said around him. "Now that I think about it, maybe we do deserve some kind of vacation. I could bring it up to the president, perhaps we could get him to join us?" Kunikida asks, drawing Yosano's eyes away from Dazai's healthy-looking, but shaking hands.

"Yeah! The Port Mafia always goes on vacations, why can't we?" Atsushi beams, remembering the time he heard Nakahara flaunting at their last mission together, when he boasted to Dazai about flying to Italy over the weekend.

Once decided, Kunikida marched off to Fukuzawa's office, assertive he could get his coworker's wishes to come true. In a few minutes, he proved his feelings to be true since Kunikida was seen walking out of the room with a pleasant smile. It seems like the boss himself had been waiting for an outing, and was taking this opportunity to get a few days off himself. 

He let the others know of Fukuzawa's approval and sat down on the computer as they huddled closer, while Dazai stayed in his seat, too comfortable to move. "We should get a resort for all of us!" Atsushi huddled close to see Kunikida looking up beachside hotels they had close by. Kenji joined in, "Oh I wanna go to the beach!" while Yosano voiced her request, "You can count me out if there's no spa," as the sound of Kunikida's clicking mouse intensified.

After a few minutes, they found a very nice, expensive hotel they could book. There was only one date available but it worked perfectly with the timetable Fukuzawa handed and instructed Kunikida to follow. "Great! Then we can get a night from the 5th to the 6th, which is next week. A room for each," Kunikida announces as he prepares to finalize the booking process. Everyone starts showing their excitement, sharing their ideas on what they'll do, where they'll go, and who will join them. 

That's when Dazai looks up from his phone, "Wait, the 5th?" he asks; Kunikida nods while looking at him with a puzzled look, "Oh, I won't be able to make it, then."

"What??" the others squawk, as they start questioning him as to why he wouldn't be available; it should be a workday anyway, so why can't he join them? "Well I normally wouldn't have told you, but I was also planning on going to a hotel." 

When he was met with more questions, Dazai smiled and shook his hands with his palms open at the height of his chest, "It's okay, you guys deserve it. Go on your vacation and I'll go on mine. That is, unless you guys want me to annoy you there too?" his eyes light up with mischief as he finishes the sentence. At that, his coworkers ended their squawking.

".. Alright then," Kunikida started, "I guess it would be better without one suicidal clown," at which he got a light slap to the shoulder from Yosano, while Dazai smiled proudly.

Atsushi's first to ask questions again, "But Dazai, where are you going? Are you going to a hotel alone?". Dazai fabricated a gasp while his hand was dramatically brought to his lips, "My, Atsushi, what intrusive questions. Have you always been this nosey?". The scolding tone is, of course, sarcastic, but Atsushi is still quickly trying to justify himself with quickened breath.

That's when Ranpo butts in, pointing his lollipop at Dazai accusingly, eyes squinting, "Are you, though? Going alone to a hotel is awfully suspicious," Yosano nods, "Yeah, what kind of shady businesses are you running?"

Dazai simply looks in their direction, adoring a sinister yet innocent smile. Giving nothing away.

That's where it ends, and the group realizes they won't get any straight answers from the bandaged man, and while the rest go on to adjust their booking, one person short; Ranpo's eyes keep observing Dazai, as he goes back to toying with his phone.

It's always an odd feeling for Ranpo to feel left out of the truth, but it's a common theme around Dazai. Ranpo's well aware of his 'ability's reality, and he can still peep in through the cracks to learn of Dazai's history, but if Dazai Osamu wishes to keep something confidential, it will be buried far underground, deeper than any of the bodies of those who dare disclose it.

---

A week goes by rather slowly when you anticipate something. 

And it goes by especially slowly if you're spying and trying to conspire against your coworker. 

Dazai did not offer any information about his planned theoretical date. Not who he's going with, or why, or where. It was pretty easy to guess that this sudden hotel stay was suggestive or of some romantic origin, but when Dazai's the subject of the matter, you can never take confident guesses. 

Throughout the week his colleagues would saunter on by and try to squeeze answers out of him, any possible hint to stutter through his teeth. They'd try to pry anything through unsuspecting questions that Dazai would see right through. Kunikida would be the only one to stay away from his business, never asking and seemingly acting completely nonchalantly towards the discovery, but everyone knew he was just as eager to know as them. 

Yosano tried bribing Dazai with liquor; Kyouka stared Dazai down his entire shift, and Ranpo teased him in many childish ways, even getting Poe involved one day. None of it worked. And the agency members have exhausted themselves. There was an unspoken agreement they'd come to: give up.

A day before their so-called relaxation would begin, Dazai had already gotten off and left them for his mysterious meeting place at last. Waving everyone goodbye the day before, saying he had his day off approved and would see them soon.

A day after that, they would come to learn just how soon - 'soon' meant.

The agency too left for their resort. All preparing small trolley bags with them for the night, some fashionable clothes the overworked investigators have long last worn anywhere, and all with high spirits.

The large group got a ride to the resort together, a minibus that, when the drive was over, opened its doors to reveal the most luxurious golden entrance to what should be their very temporary place of stay. After getting settled in their rooms each one of them ran off to go on with their interests, whether it was Atsushi and Kyoka to the arcade, Yosano to the beauty salon, and Ranpo and Fukuzawa to the casino downstairs - they each had their plans set. 

Daylight was passing by easily, the fun they were having obstructing their sense of time. However not enough to make them forget about the beach. All of them had agreed to go for a late-night swim once the sun started setting, and after catching up in the lobby, they headed to do just that.

It was beautiful, a long strip of sand and waves across the horizon, only a minute away from the comfort of their rooms and accommodations. 

The orange sun was just setting and darkness was starting to color the sky. The entire beach was almost void of people, 

Almost.

When walking down the trail that went down toward the shoreline, the group slowly came to notice a couple. Two bodies relatively far from them, enjoying their time together, alone. 

The sound of soft laughter was what caught their attention, because that laugh was somewhat familiar. Not in a conventional way, because the person would never laugh like that around them, but the voice is still recognizable. The agency slowed their steps and looked over the well-kept hedges that decorated the gardened coast. 

Their curiosity brought them to a shocking sight, bearing witness to Dazai Osamu himself, being gently guided into the water by none other than Fyodor Dostoyevsky.

Both were watching their step, walking on slippery rocks, sometimes looking up into each other's eyes. Fyodor holding both of Dazai's hands, walking him into the water and saying something as he did so. It was too far to tell what, but it had Dazai tugging the other man closer. 

Fyodor was harder to recognize with his hair up, but those eyes were hard to forget. He was wearing regular black swimming trunks, lean muscle on display despite Fyodor not being in combative placements before. His eyes were loving, and his touch was reassuring as he placed on Dazai's side with one hand, the other free for the brunet to hold on to. 

Dazai was harder to recognize too, but not in the same sense. He wore a white button up, completely unbuttoned, and cream colored shorts. His hair is much curlier than it was normally and he still wore his bandages, but it was his expression that was most different. It was real.

As Fyodor eased him into the glittering water, the last rays of sunshine had gotten hidden behind the horizon, the water becoming darker and darker while the specs of lasting orange danced in the sky.

-

When Fyodor and Dazai first started going out together, Fyodor had made it a thing of importance; to always care for the other. One of the many ways he'd care for the suicidal man was be the one to rewrap up his bandages, clean and disinfect his self inflicted injuries, and keep count of days he's been clean from adding more red to his skin. 

Dazai disliked the notion at first, but he still let Fyodor do as he pleased. They weren't the type to argue over something and Fyodor's silly, cold heart wouldn't take it either way, not being able to care for his angel was too harsh of a condition.

Though with time, Dazai started accepting it and even welcoming it. It was an odd kind of comfort, and it will forever feel extremely intimate and penetrative to the injured, but Dazai would at least allow himself a soft smile as Fyodor kissed his bandaged arms.

This time around, Dazai had broken his personal record for the days he's been clean from self harming. And Fyodor couldn't be happier to celebrate the occasion together, away from prying eyes, where they could be together alone and Fyodor could pamper the brunet to his heart's content. Dazai too, was excited for the invite, he's missed his partner dearly and he wished to show his appreciation and love back. Care for him with the same gentleness he received, with the same warmth and dedication.

Fyodor had remembered a very short conversation, which happened years ago between the two, where Dazai confessed he's never been to the sea. Sure he's walked on the beach maybe once or twice, Yokohama is a city with plenty of access to the ocean so it made sense you couldn't avoid it. But Dazai told him he's never gone into the water. 

Even from a young age, as early as Dazai remembers himself, whenever he'd try to go in, even as part of a suicide attempt, as soon as his ankles were submerged in the water, the salt would prick and eat away at the skin, clinging to cuts and stitches, searing hot pain shooting up his nervous system. And while Dazai admitted he's accustomed to pain, and his tolerance has reached inhumane standards, he still won't go in. 

Fyodor then asked him, as they both looked out at the city's skyline, Fyodor's eyes gravitating towards the quiet waters surrounding it, "Then, if I were to drown at sea, would you come for me?" to which Dazai responded in beat, tilting his head as he kept his eyes away from the deep blue. 

"You could just as simply hold out your hand, and I'd come with you."

-

The hotel Fyodor booked was a very nice, expensive hotel. Getting the luxurious penthouse on the top floor, where they'd be able to spend a good few nights in and had ticked off all of Fyodor's personal preferences, which really were just Dazai's preferences. Whether he preferred a large or small kitchen, a bath or shower, and a balcony or a rooftop garden. Not that Dazai actually cared about the things, but Fyodor would remember every time Dazai stared at a bathtub for too long, or quietly curse out at stupid sliding doors he stubbed his toe on. 

It was always the small things that did it, and when the couple first got to the resort, Fyodor made sure to take his time with Dazai, not rush in to invite the brunet to go swim together. He was sure Dazai knew that that was his intention, to try and overcome his fear - or the closest thing to it, together. But even if he knew it, Dazai didn't say anything and appreciated the sentiment silently.

After dinner, they lounged in their bedroom together, their balcony doors open, letting in the salty wind in, the smell of it, the sound of waves clashing in the distance. When Dazai was ready, he got up from the bed, his hair a beautiful mess as he fixed his robe while walking towards the railing outside. Fyodor followed close by.

The russian leaned on the balcony's door frame, Fyodor studying Dazai's figure as he put his hands on the black, curled and shaped metal that kept him from stepping off the platform. Dazai's back elegantly arched as he pressed his torso against it. Watching the neverending blue. 

"So, are you planning to drown to convince me to go in, or do we evade that scenario?" he asks. That's when Fyodor smiles and steps away from the doors, walking up behind him and kissing his angel's exposed nape and shoulder, his hands going around and placing them right over Dazai's. "As you wish, моя любовь." 

-

The two were now finally in the water, and as the agency watched, they each slowly started thinking about their findings, not able to look away and now standing a bit closer whilst remaining hidden.

Dazai's face was definitely in discomfort most of the time, it hurt the worst when his upper torso, arms and neck went in. While this was supposed to be a day about Dazai's record being clean, not having cut himself in mere days, his already healing wounds were still open, fresh and painful. Fyodor would let Dazai hold on to him, kiss his discomfort and tears away as he gets told off by Dazai about how he's fine and it's just a natural reaction from his body.

He would breath heavily and deeply, looking down at the water and subconsciously at Fyodor's lips as he tried to distract him from the agonizing pain. Fyodor wouldn't dare touch him anywhere near his bandages, knowing any movement or pressure would just add to the pain. He just held Dazai's hand and aided him through it. 

It took a long while, shorter than expected for the regular human, but as previously mentioned, Dazai's pain tolerance wasn't that of a human. Slowly, Dazai's shoulders untense, his muscles relax, as he gets accustomed to the pain that will not leave now. He starts laughing, which makes Fyodor fall in love all over again. "-This, is the most ridiculous thing I've ever done," he smiled up at his lover, who laughed with him, "I beg to differ, you named your favorite teaspoon. Marmalade." Dazai's eyes widen as he gasps at him with a playful smile, "Don't you dare bring Marmalade into this, she's different from all of our other spoons." a second passes before Dazai adds "And you're the one that gave Marmalade a backstory,"

A content, proud grin spreads on Fyodor's lips, before he leans in and kisses Dazai passionately. Dazai kisses back with a smile and is still in pain to wrap his arms around him so he settles on cupping Fyodor's cheek. Atsushi looks around in complete awe, studying everyone's reaction. It seems like they were in the same state of shock as he was. Even Fukuzawa who tried not to show it was looking deep in thought, a stoic look on his face.

When the pair pull away shortly after, they press their foreheads together and laugh about some inside joke Fyodor whispered right after. The water was calm, and the scene was straight out of a movie, a romance storming with emotions and unspoken words, understanding and compassionate. The two go on to talk between themselves, too quiet to pick out the topic so the hidden agency members decide to use that time to leave. Fukuzawa starts walking first and everyone follows him after a quiet, "come, let's allow them privacy."

Kunikida looked like his mind had broken, staring off into the distance, sometimes muttering inconsistent sentences as he tried to make sense of it. Yosano was trying to talk to Ranpo, asking him if he knew about this, because he must have, right? While Ranpo avoided every question with dramatic exclamations and gasps to her accusations.

Kyouka was looking at Atsushi for any sign of guidance, what to feel on the matter. She knew Dazai but not well enough, she was acquainted with dark mafia business, so morals and social rules weren't in her list of expertise. Why would Dazai dating Fyodor be a problem? Sure she understood Fyodor is their enemy, but it's also Dazai, shouldn't they trust him?

When they were at the hotel doors, planning on going inside, they looked back to see the couple out of the water, running and chasing eachother to kick and splash water on one another. Both of them laughing like children. 

The picture couldn't be more pure and innocent, and some of the detectives watching the happenings couldn't help but smile at them. Dazai would never laugh like this, would never act this freely around them, and while none of them took his problems seriously, they all knew deep down how rough it must be for him, in many aspects of life. And so along with that guilt they held, they couldn't help but feel like they failed the man. That he deserved this, happiness and safety. Not their taunts and complaints. 

They were watching their sworn enemy do better than what they should have done long ago. They were watching their coworker, who should be on this vacation with them, act as he wished with no barriers next to someone who finally understood him. 

The guilt has weighed down on them, as their voices ached to judge and conspire and shame Dazai for siding with someone like Fyodor. But their hearts knew truth, truth that they were in no place to judge when they've treated the man so indifferently. Truth, that, as witnessed now, Fyodor is good for Dazai, and that the two complete eachother and are healthy for eachother. 

Fukuzawa ends their quiet brainstorm with a word of his own, "Dazai's happiness is a rarity. I trust him to make the right decisions, and if this is his, I will respect it." he turns around and slowly starts walking away,

"I wish them well." is all that's added before everyone follow suit in disturbed silence, leaving the couple alone.