Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Can you move your seat up ?” Barnes asks, and it’s easy to say ‘no’ at the time. Barnes basically just ruined his entire life, Sam is not about to make things easy for him. Sure, he has excuses, but Sam knows Bucky’s true self is a little shit and that his troubles are not over. Being stuck in a too small car is just the beginning of their journey to hell.

So, no, Sam will not make it easy for Barnes. He will brood his heart out and keep his seat down and even eat the last piece of everything they got to eat when he’ll have the chance.

At least, that’s his plan on their first day on the run. Turns out, it’s a lot more difficult to hate Barnes when you get faced with his puppy eyes and his childish excitement on a daily basis.

He’s hesitant at first, probably because they’re all still shaken up about what just happened to them. And because, again, they’re on the run. Crappy motels don’t deliver a lot to be amazed by.

But sometimes, Sam would come back from the store with new candy and Bucky would taste it and treasure it like it is the first time he ever got something sweet. Even Steve doesn’t have the heart to rant about how unhealthy and a waste of money it is when it happens.

They would catch a movie on TV, usually science fiction, and Bucky would be transfixed on the screen for the integrality of it. So far, his favorite is Star Wars, The empire strikes back. After seeing it he hadn’t shut up about spaceships for days. Sam had never heard him talk so much before that.

In a second-hand shop they come across an Ipod Nano that Sam declares is the best thing to happen to them. Steve banned smart phones and their stupid flip phones can’t deliver good music. Sure, it takes an entire afternoon in a public library and their crappy computer to get music on it but it’s worth it. Even with the way Bucky figures he’s doing something important and gets over himself to sit close to him and asks him everything there is to know about ipods and the way they work.

Sam decides on his own to add some music from the 40’s to please Steve and to see if they’ll jog Bucky’s memory. They do not, not really, but Bucky is definitely feeling some important things when they play in the car the next day. After that, he kinda claims the ipod for himself and Sam doesn’t have the heart to take it away from him.

After a few days, Bucky quietly hums some Marvin Gay in the car and Sam feels so happy by it he doesn’t even know what to do with himself.

They get into an easy rhythm. They drive all night, sleep for a few hours in the car or, if they’re lucky, get a motel that doesn’t care about who their clients are. Sam and Steve take turns to go on a run while Bucky watches TV (he’s appalled by reality TV but can’t look away from it when he finds some).

Once, there are board games in the motel’s hall and Sam decides it’d be a good group activity. He’s wrong. Steve is a terrible loser and Bucky doesn’t think the rules apply to him. Both of their argument is that war isn’t like that in real life. Sam is never playing Risk with them again.

“I’m sorry,” Barnes says one day when Steve is out running. “Did you take all the hot water again ?” Sam sighs. He’s used to cold water at this point but fuck is he tired of it. Barnes blushes, surprisingly, and shakes his head. “No, um, I’m sorry for trying to kill you. And your wings,” he mumbles, eyes glued on his feet.

Sam blinks a few times, trying to process it. He wouldn’t say he forgot about it, not since he has nightmares about falling out from the sky almost every night, but, somehow, Barne’s been diverted from the event. A few weeks with him have given Sam the ability to distinct him from the Winter Soldier.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he says. “But I appreciate it,” he adds when he sees Barnes’ about to argue.

He nods, satisfied with their exchange, and turns back to a rerun of Big Brother like nothing happened. Almost every sentence is biped for inappropriate language. Sam can’t wait for Steve to come back and hear it.

A few days after that, Barnes asks Sam if he can join him on his run. Sam wonders why he doesn’t go with Steve but agrees without asking. He’s prepared to be distanced right away, used to Steve’s annoying habit, but Barnes stucks with him the entire time.

“Are you even tired ?” Sam asks, out of breath, when they stop. Barnes shrugged, barely sweating. “Don’t see the point of running with you if it’s for not being with you,” he explains easily. “It’s more about getting fresh air than exercising,” he adds. Sam is strangely touched by that.

At some point, Sam realizes he has completely forgotten to make Barnes pay. He shares his food with him, making sure he always gets the bigger half. When he searches for a movie to watch he always settles for one he thinks Barnes will enjoy. It’s little things, but Sam knows how important they are for someone recovering from traumatic events.

One night, when they leave another crappy motel, he even lets Barnes get into the front seat. The official reason is that he wants to get some shut eye during the journey and that he could lie down more easily in the back.

But when he sits behind Barnes, Sam knees are sinking into the seat and he knows there is no way he will be able to rest at all like that. “Can you move your seat up ?” he asks. “No,” Barnes answers.

The little shit.

Sam is ready to demand they change seats until he catches Barnes’ happy smile in the rearview mirror.

Fine, he’ll just get in the middle seat then. But as soon as they stop he gets back in the front seat.

Chapter Text

Sam’s moping and he isn’t sorry about it. Even if it affects the general mood of their little trio. They’re at yet another crappy motel and at this point he almost wishes Ross finds them.

He throws the 6 months old magazine he was reading at the end of the bed he’s lying on and sighs. The ceiling is covered in smudges. How do you even stain a ceiling ?

From the corner of his eye he can see Barnes stand up from the chair he was reading and then hear him ruffle his bag for something. Right after he hears the bathroom door open and close, and then the shower being turned on.

It’s only he and Steve now, and the tension in the room just got up by a lot.

Sam decides to ignore it. He’s mad and there’s nothing to do about it after all. Unless Steve hid a way to make all their problems disappear and that would end their little journey immediately.

In the other room Barnes turns off the show and it won’t be long until he’s back and tunes down the tension that emerges from Sam’s anger and Steve’s guilt before…

“You’re mad at me”, Steve says.

Too late.

“I don’t want to be,” Sam says, his eyes not leaving the ceiling. “You have every right to,” Steve states, his righteous voice on.

Sam’s mad for a different reason now.

He sighs and throws his legs out of the bed to sit. “No, I don’t. I could have cut a deal like Barton and Lang. I chose to be here,” he reminds Steve (and himself by the same occasion). “I guess… I guess I didn’t realize everything it entailed. Or that it would take so long,” he admits in another sigh, rubbing his face with both hands.

He looks up at Steve then and regrets it instantly. Even after Sam just said the opposite, it’s obvious Steve blames himself. It’s written all over his face.

“You miss your family”, Steve states. Sam doesn’t try to deny it, he does. He really does. “AJ’s 6th birthday is coming up. I’m worried I won’t get to see them grow up, you know ?” he confesses. “But I don’t regret my choice, so stop making this face. One of us in a bad mood is enough. Especially with Mister Moody over there,” he tries to say lightly.

Steve doesn’t look convinced but he doesn’t insist so Sam grabs the old magazine back to make sure the conversation is over. A few more minutes and Barnes reemerges from the bathroom, a cloud of steam coming after him. The jerk must have used all the hot water again.

He doesn’t look bothered at all by it, if the way his running his hand in his wet hair and the way he’s walking like he’s coming straight out of the 40’s. Sam can almost see the womanizer the history books talked about there.

“I’m going for a walk,” Steve announces. Sam turns his head back to him, frowning when he realizes he missed him standing up. “Are you sure ? It’s bright daylight,” Sam reminds him. It’s not Steve’s style to be reckless. Besides his jog and a few outgoings when they’re in deserted areas he doesn’t risk going out. Sam is almost always the one doing errands and such.

“It’s fine, I won’t be long,” Steve answers, getting his cap low on his head. Sam doesn’t try to dissuade him, knowing how important it is for their mental health to get at least some time outside and alone.

Steve leaves and Barnes takes his place around the table without a word. Sam gets rid of the magazine once and for all and grabs the book he found on a bench 2 days before. After a few pages he can feel Barnes’ eyes on him though, and he usually doesn’t call him on his staring because there’s no point, but he’s bored right now. “What ?” he asks.

Barnes’s eyes fleet, focusing on his hands instead. He’s twisting his fingers together, and it takes a few more seconds for him to look back up again. “I heard you and Steve talking,” he admits. Sam’s not surprised, Barnes’ a spy with enhanced hearing. “So ?”

Barnes looks down again and Sam wonders if he’ll ever stop doing that with him. They’re not friends exactly, but they’re cordial these days. Apparently Sam let go of blaming him for everything wrong in his life and moved to Steve. Hopefully the next person is someone he’s not stuck with.

“I’m sorry,” Barnes says almost so quietly that Sam misses it. “T’s not your fault,” he dismisses casually. “You shouldn’t have to miss your nephew’s birthday”, Barnes insists just a tiny bit louder.

AJ’s baby face flashes in Sam’s mind and his heart clenches. No, he shouldn’t miss his nephew’s birthday and many other things, but he made choices and he stands by them.

“Maybe you could go,” Barnes says again, and this time he looks right at Sam. “Hum, no ? I’m wanted, remember ?” Maybe he hit his head in the shower or something.

Barnes rolls his eyes and it’s the most sassy thing he ever saw him doing. It gives him a glimpse of the Bucky Steve talked about so much. It’s… unsettling.

“We’ve been hiding for a long time, it might be safe to go visit your sister. We’d have to be careful, to make sure she’s not under surveillance or anything, but that’s the easy part,” Barnes exposes.

Sam blinks at how easy he makes it seem. “What’s the hard part ?” he hears himself ask. “Convincing Steve,” Barnes says like it’s obvious. It kinda is.

Sam doesn’t want to believe it’s possible, but it’s too late. His hopes are up. “So, when do we start ?”

Barnes’ smile when he realizes Sam’s game must be worth a thousand bucks.

Chapter Text

They’re about to celebrate their first year on the run. Well, Sam and Bucky are, Steve had been appalled by the idea since Sam first joked about it. Sam knows it’s because he still feels guilty about dragging Sam into this, no matter how many times Sam reminds him he’s here by his own will.

Besides, it’s mostly ok now. Better. Well, some days are awful, spent in shitty motels where Sam misses his family and his freedom like crazy.

But some days are great. Since Bucky helped him visit his family for AJ’s birthday, he opened up and they get along now. Kinda. Sam still feels he needs to be a jerk to him on the regular. And Bucky is a little shit most of the time. It’s endearing though.

Anyway.

The celebration of their first anniversary on the run isn’t a joke anymore, and it becomes bigger and bigger every time Steve tells them it’s inappropriate.

Bucky managed to find them a small place with a fake Airbnb account (he had to reassure Steve about it for half a day after telling them), to get them a kitchen.

Steve followed but now is the day and when they started to get everything they bought to bake a cake on the counter he left for a walk. And things took an unexpected turn.

Well, if Sam’s honest it’s not really unexpected at this point. Blame it on his year of celibacy, on Bucky’s decades of it, on their continued closeness, on Bucky’s crazy body and fucking blue eyes and you have it.

Half of the baking mix is everywhere on the kitchen’s counter and they have flour on their clothes, in their hair… Everywhere their hands can reach basically, and Sam can’t care at all about the mess it is.

Bucky’s tongue is in his mouth and fuck it feels good. He started to put conditioner on his hair and the result is very nice under Sam’s hand too, all smooth and soft. And Bucky makes the best sound when Sam pulls on it a little. It echoes in his mouth and goes all the way to his chest.

His chest which is pressed against Bucky’s solid one. The man has lost muscles since he escaped from Hydra, but he’s still strong enough to suddenly lift Sam up and onto the counter.

“Oh, fuck,” Sam breathes out. Bucky smirks and Sam knows he shouldn’t find it this hot but he does, he really does. He pulls on Bucky’s hair harder as retaliation and the man whimpers. It’s Sam’s turn to smirk, even if the sound goes straight to his dick.

He wants to hear what other sounds he can get out of Bucky’s mouth so he runs his lips along his jaw and to the soft spot under his ear. Barnes gasps and Sam holds him closer, pressing his heels in Bucky’s butt cheeks. “Are you sure about this ?” Bucky asks suddenly. He’s out of breath and his hands keep running along Sam’s ribs but he’s getting hesitant and Sam’s can’t have that. “Yes”, he breathes out between wet kisses on Bucky’s throat.

Bucky’s hands get on Sam’s thighs and Sam wonders if they should get to a bed or if the counter will do.

“Really ? Cause it’s not too late to…” Bucky starts again before Sam interrupts him. “Man, shut the hell up,” he issues, slapping his hands on Bucky’s jaws to pull him into the dirtiest kiss possible.

Bucky doesn’t try to talk again after that, unless it’s considered talking to moan and to gasp.

They finish buttoning back up when the timer announces the cake is done. Well, half the cake. “What are you smiling at ?” he asks Bucky with a smile of his own. He’s not surprised when Bucky raises his hand and brushes his cheek. “You got flour,” he says as an explanation. “You realize it’s probably not the only spot where…” he’s cut off by a kiss and he’s not mad about it.

They break it up though, and without a word they clean everything up until the cake cools down enough to decorate it. Bucky disappears for a minute and comes back with balloons and birthday garlands. “When did you get these ?” Sam asks, blinking. “I got my ways”, Bucky answers, exaggeratedly mysterious.

Sam rolls his eyes and turns away to hide his smile. They wait for Steve to come back to light up the candle and force him to blow it with them. He relaxes, eventually, and they end up having a very nice time. They know reality will catch up with them soon enough, but right now they enjoy pretending they’re not actually on the run, hiding from their government and their former friends.

By tacit agreement, Sam and Bucky don’t mention what happened between them. It doesn’t mean anything and it won’t happen again anyway.

Chapter Text

Sam wakes up slowly, gently, trying to enjoy everything that touches him. There is the best mattress he ever slept on in his back, and the softest sheet ever made on his skin. Under his chick there is the warm skin of Bucky’s chest, rising and falling, and Sam wonders if they really have to get up and outside.

But that would entail coming out to Steve.

They’ve been in Wakanda for a week now, and it’s been a luxury Sam wishes Steve gave in earlier. He had tried to understand why they didn’t come sooner and why they were there now, but Steve wouldn’t say anything.

And since Sam’s too happy to be here, no matter the reason, he’s not pushing that much. He just wishes Bucky wouldn’t be so aloof half of the time either.

Steve knows something’s going on between his 2 friends, it would be delusional to think he doesn’t, but he doesn’t comment and he doesn’t ask. Sam doesn’t know what is going on exactly, so he doesn’t say.

He’s a little bit afraid to admit, even to himself, how good it is and how fast they found each other.

Sam didn’t expect any of it to be so sweet either. They used to fight all the time, and they crashed into each other without planning it at all. Now though, it’s mostly tender and sweet, a huge contrast with their life on the run.

“Sam”, Bucky calls from above him. “I know you’re awake”, he reveals with chuckles in his voice. “5 more minutes”, Sam requests.

It’s probably incredibly late already, but Sam can’t find it in himself to care.

Bucky stays quiet for about 6 seconds. “I have to tell you something,” he says, and this time his voice is too serious for Sam to ignore. He raises his head and frowns at Bucky who’s watching him with resolve but also with sadness and something goes sour in Sam’s stomach.

Bucky’s about to end this. Whatever this is, Bucky is putting a stop to it.

Sam sits up quickly, pulling the sheets tightly around his waist, feeling too vulnerable being naked all of the sudden. His brains try to make sense of it, to pinpoint the moment it went wrong but nothing comes up. Bucky has been aloof since they’re in Wakanda, sure, but he's also been sweet and attentive. The night they just had didn’t indicate it would be the last they shared at all.

“What ?” Sam hears himself ask, all suspicious and worried. Bucky closes his eyes and sighs, like he wasn’t the one putting them in that situation. “I’m going back into cryo”, he drops, opening his eyes to stare into Sam’s. “This afternoon,” he adds.

Sam blinks, his brain trying to make sense of it. “You what ?” he hears himself ask with disbelief. He can’t have heard that right. Bucky cannot go into cryo voluntarily.

Bucky takes support on his hand to sit up and be on Sam’s level, still too serious to finally say ‘haha got you !’.

“I talked to Shuri and her team about the key words and everything, and she believes she can get rid of them. She can make sure no one takes control over me ever again” he says strongly and with a despair that breaks Sam’s heart a little.

“But no matter how she turned it, she couldn’t figure out a way to do it while I’m conscious. I have to go back, there is no way around it.”

But there is, there is a way around it. “What if you don’t do it ? Zemo got to you because we didn’t know about it, but we do now. We can…” “No, Sam, we can’t”, Bucky cuts. “I can’t depend on anyone to stay away from that and I can’t risk hurting anyone like that again. I can’t turn against you,” he insists like it’s actually the only reason he’s doing it.

“Is this why we’re here ?” Sam realizes. “Did Steve know about this ?” Bucky nods like it’s normal, like he didn’t take a major decision with Steve and behind Sam’s back.

It’s a lot to process, and Sam really wishes he got a warning beforehand. He gets up to get dressed, trying to get a grip on his emotions. He gets it, ok ? Bucky wants control over himself, it’s normal, it’s healthy. But he doesn’t like being kept in the dark for so long, he doesn’t like how it freaks him out to lose Bucky to the cold, he doesn’t like what it might do to him, he doesn’t like the idea it couldn’t work when it’s probably his only shot.

He can feel Bucky’s eyes on him but he stays silent until he’s completely dressed. Only then does he take a deep breath and get to the practical side of this thing. “Ok, for how long ?” They can do this, it’s fine, Shuri is crazy smart, Bucky will be safe. Sam has to believe it.

Bucky seems relieved to not have to fight over this. Sam admits to himself he’s gonna have to fight someone at some point.

“There is no way to know for sure. Shuri thinks she can do it in a couple of weeks, but she’ll really know when I’m under.”

Well that’s not what Sam expected to hear but ok, it makes sense. He breathes deeply again, letting himself fall back on the bed, one foot still on the floor. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner ?” He can’t help sounding a little mad, because he is. Bucky told Steve for crying out loud. When he was enjoying Wakanda like a damn idiot they were plotting behind his back.

Bucky shrugs and grabs Sam’s hand. “I didn’t want to change my mind. When you didn’t know I could pretend it wasn’t about to happen when I was with you. I didn’t want it to be our only subject of conversation.” “Cause we talk so much,” Sam comments sarcastically. Bucky rolls his eyes and tugs on his hand to bring him closer.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. But not too sorry”, he tempers. “I get it, I get it,” Sam agrees, sliding his hand behind Bucky’s neck to shush him with a kiss.

This entire thing doesn’t sit right with him, but it must be worse for Bucky, so for his sake Sam will keep it together.

Chapter Text

Sam moves slowly so as to not wake up the man still asleep next to him. He manages to get out of the room without turning the light on and without bumping into anything thanks to quite some practice.
As usual, he finds his clothes somewhere on the floor of the living room and between the couch’s cushions. He gets dressed quickly, as much as to get out fast as to get safe from the chilly air of early October.
It’s still dark outside but Sam knows better than to linger after 7 am. If he doesn’t make his exit now then he’ll get right into the morning rush of everyone going to work.

Sam takes a big breath once he’s finally outside. The air is cool enough that it’s refreshing but not cold enough to make him run to his truck. He takes his time to walk to where he parked it the night before, far enough down the street that turning it on wouldn’t wake anybody up. It makes him feel a little guilty to take so many precautions to leave unnoticed but he can’t help it.

He drives to the little bodega that was already there when he was a kid and he forgets all about his guilt as he steps in.
“Samuel,” welcomes Marie warmly from behind the counter. “Twice in one week, it didn’t happen in years,” she teased. Everyone in town knows who he is, but not everyone has known him since he was a kid. Auntie Marie was one of them. Sam used to go to her shop with his dad and Sarah, usually on special occasions. If one of them had a specially good grade, the last and the first day of school… It’s a treat that Sarah passed on to AJ and Cass and one that Sam takes some liberty with when he’s around. He doesn’t usually take the kids to the bodega though, he usually buys some pastries to go when he's in the area to get them for breakfast.

“It’s good to see you too, Miss Marie”, he says with an easy smile. He doesn’t answer her silent question, keeping for himself why it’s his second time in one week. Miss Marie isn’t a gossip, but even so, informations have a way of going around the town very fast if you’re not careful.

He does the usual chitchat, enjoying that it doesn’t have to be a full tale of what he’s been up to lately since he did this one a couple of days ago already. Miss Marie reminds him of the festival that will take place on the weekend before he grabs the pastries and jumps back in his truck. The sun is just starting to rise, casting a soft light on the horizon.

Sam rolls down his windows and takes in the smell, the sound, the air, everything that makes is home, home. He can hear the birds chirp as they wake up, and when he gets near the water, the waves crushing gently against the shore and against the boats.

No matter how hard things get, Delacroix’ nature and people are a strong anchor in Sam’s life. A good reminder that some things stay good, that he will always have a place to come back to and where he can get some distance with the big bad world out there.

Delacroix helps him remind him he is more than the Falcon, than the man who followed Steve Rogers through hell and high water and basically lost everything.

‘What left did he have to lose anyway ?’ he thinks bitterly.

Sam pushes down the grief that threatens to put a damp on his morning and steps on the accelerator. He needs to get home before Cass and AJ get up anyway. He’ll have time to dwell on his hardship when they’ll be at school.

Only Sarah’s up when he gets home. Has been for a while, if all the food already packed is any indication. “You’re planning to feed a regiment or something ?” Sam asks as a greeting. His tone is as light as possible and he even manages a smile. Sarah doesn’t buy any of it.

“Twice in a week ?” she asks herself without looking at him, like she doesn’t care if he answers or not. There is no right answer anyway, so Sam just sighs and drops the bag of pastries on the table.

He knows, ok ? He knows that going back to his highschool crush, the one that mistreated him so bad he remembers more about crying over him than about spending time with him, is a bad idea. He knows that nothing good can come out of it and that doing it is just proof that he’s in a bad place.

But who cares ? It helps him take his mind off of the shitshow that is his life at the moment, and Sam thinks it’s worth it, even if it’s just for a few hours.

“Don’t forget the appointment at the bank later,” he says instead of everything else. “It’s a waste of time Samuel. We can’t afford to keep the boat, why can’t you…” “Let me try this, ok ? I have to try this,” he insists.

It’s Sarah’s turn to sigh and to let it slide. She pours Sam a cup of coffee and puts it in front of him, like a peace offering. Sam murmurs a “thank you” as she makes her way toward the stairs, probably to go wake up the kids.

Sam leans back in his chair and nurtures his coffee while movement starts upstairs. He tries to settle in the here and now, to remind himself that he is enough as Sam Wilson.

He doesn’t need the shield to matter, he doesn't need the shield to do good.

He isn’t Steve Rogers’ substitute. He doesn’t want to try to be his remplacement. What had Steve been thinking for fuck’s sake ?

Sam puts out his phone without really thinking about it and scrolls his messages until he finds the conversation with Barnes. Well, conversation is a big word for the series of unanswered texts he’s been sending but thinking about Steve makes him want to try again. A weird sense of responsibility for Steve’s best friend. As if from wherever he is he could see them and judge Sam for not taking care of Bucky.

His own past with Barnes has nothing to do with it. No.

He shoots another text without thinking about it too much. At this point he doesn’t expect an answer anymore, he’s not that delusional, but if there’s a chance Barnes gets reminded he’s not alone by reading them, or that at least he doesn’t have to be, well it’s worth the try.

He can hear the kids running down the stairs as he pockets up his phone. He summons a smile that becomes genuine when AJ’s still sleepy eyes find his. “Hey Uncle Sam. Thank you for the pastries !”, he says, his hand already deep in the bag.

“You’re welcome kid. What’s the program for today ?” he asks as Cass hugs him quickly from behind. “I have a French test and I’m going to my friend Mia’s after school,” he says, wriggling on his seat with delight.

“You’re ready for the test ?” Sam tries. “Oui, Monsieur,” AJ answers with certainty. “Good. What about you Cass ?” “I got baseball practice after class,” he says slowly, obviously not completely awake. “I know, I’m taking you,” Sam reveals. That earns him a surprised look followed by a pleased smile.

“Are you taking us to school too ?” AJ wonders at loud. “Yes I am, so don’t dawdle.” They both nod in agreement. Sam follows his own advice, making a quick trip to the bathroom to brush his teeth and splash water on his face.

The streets are a lot busier when they get on their way. Parents driving to drop off their kids at school just like Sam is, people driving to work, and people walking around to start their day with a shot of fresh air.

The kids requested they turn on the radio to a station Sam never listens to without them. It’s all catchy music with depressing lyrics retailing the Blip and the new difficulties that appeared with everyone coming back. He asked AJ and Cass about it once and was relieved to learn that they don’t listen to the lyrics so much, they just like the music and the rhythm. Weird, but ok, fine.

Sam slides into the drop off zone and the kids all but jump out of the car. “Have a good day !” he shouts. “Thank you !” “Bye Uncle Sam !” they shout back without turning around, the doors slamming shut.

At least they’re not afraid he’s gonna go on the run and never visit again.

He takes the road again, going through his arguments for the bank in his head. It’ll work, it has to. And, come on, he helped save the world, that should be worth something, right ?

He drives until he reaches the Fishers lot, where all the houses are on stilts and half of them are either empty or Airbnb rentals now.

Sam tries to not linger on what it means for the community, focusing on the childhood memories it brings up instead. His grandparents used to live there, that’s where his Mama grew up and why his parents started their business. They moved when they got married, inheriting a bigger house a little up the bayou from his Dad’s parents. Sam takes comfort in knowing that, even if they end up losing the boat, they won’t lose the house ever.

He knows that’s thanks to Sarah alone, and a part of him feels guilty for leaving her dealing with all the family burden. He could blame it on the blip, but he left long before that. He needed to find his purpose outside of his hometown. Outside of his community.

He needed to spread his wings.

So he did, he flew higher than anyone thought he could, and he crashed.

He parks the car and gets out of it before he can get too deep in his grief again. He conjures happy memories and can see himself run along the pontoon to get to Louisa’s house faster and so he just does that.

He runs like he hasn't seen her in years when he actually just saw her a few days ago. This would have been considered an eternity when they were kids. He spots her in her garden in the back at the house. On this side of the pontoon the houses are linked to the land, making them more attractive than the ones on the other side.

“Hey Louisa,” he calls, letting himself in through the wooden gate. Louisa looks up from the pieces of wood she’s working on at the moment and smiles at him. Sam tries quickly to guess what she’s making but it’s too early in the process for him.

“Hey Sam. What’s up ?” she greets back, taking him in a side hug. Another proof that they just saw each other recently enough. “Nothing. Trying to avoid Sarah’s chores”, he jokes. She knows it’s not true so he rolls her eyes like he's an idiot but smiles nonetheless.

“I need to get this moving, but if you go inside to get us some coffee I’ll drink it with you,” she offers like she’s doing him a big favor. She is, in a way. Sam knows that not everywhere people would be so welcoming to someone they barely saw in years. Maybe it’s a blip effect too. Everyone’s trying to hold on onto the things they used to know, onto the relationships they can have left.

Too many people came back only to find out some of the people that didn’t blip had died during those 5 years. Even more people came back to find strangers in what used to be their house. Sam understands all of it very well, and he wishes the governments would do a better job at it too.

He takes his time getting to the house, enjoying the quiet of the place. DC isn’t exactly a loud city, but compared to Delacroix it’s deafening. He steps inside the living room and enjoys how it’s different from when they were kids and still completely the same in a way for a second, before turning toward the man comfortably sitting in a big chair. “Good Morning Mister Carter,” he greets. “Samuel, how are you doing kid ?” Louisa’s father asks. “Can’t complain”, he lies with a smile. Mister Carter raises one eyebrow and Sam knows he would carefully listen to everything Sam has to say if he wanted to. But really, Sam doesn’t want to complain. Not to Mister Carter anyway.

Also, he’s trying to stay positive today.

“Alright then, Go on, don’t interrupt your little reunion with Louisa on my account,” Mister Carter says easily. Sam takes the out, and goes get the coffee in the kitchen before going back out.

“Your dad seems well”, he says. “Yeah, he’s got new meds that actually make him sleep during the night and not during the day. I haven’t seen him this awake in a while,” Louisa answers with a real smile.

“You’ll stick around for the festival ?” she asks next. “Yeah, unless something comes up. Not sure what,” he answers honestly. “Aw no, Sam, you’re gonna jinx it !” Louisa complains. “Trust me, the universe doesn’t need me to jinx anything to throw shit at us,” he tempers, only half joking. “Gosh, being a superhero made you so cynical.”

Sam shrugs and doesn’t deny it. It’s not being a superhero per se that did anything to him, it’s everything that happened the last few years. Damn, the half decade probably. Starting with losing Riley. It has pretty much been a shitshow ever since.

“Alright, if you’re gonna be like this, finish up your coffee and get off my loan !” she orders with the voice of an angry white old man. That draws out a real laugh out of Sam and he instantly feels better. Not perfect, but better, and that’s already a lot.

They stop talking at some point and Sam stays some more to just watch her work. He’s got no idea what she’s making yet, could be a boat, could be a bear… But it’s calming to see her work the wood, get something out of it. Maybe Sam should find something to do with his hands more often. Working on his parents’ boat, probably, but he finds it kinda depressing at the moment, so he tries to stay away from it, no matter how it makes Sarah think she’s right.

“Got to go,” he announces, standing up for the trunk he made a chair of. “Can I get you anything from the house ?” he offers, grabbing their two empty mugs. “No, thanks. I’ll have to get inside to make my dad lunch anyway. I’ll see you later ?”

Sam nods and walks away, saying his goodbye to Mister Carter as he walks through the house to this time get out by the front door.

Alright, bank time now.

_________________________________________

Well, the meeting sucked, everything sucks, and Sam kinda needs to punch something. At least Sarah isn’t chanting “I told you so” like she used to do when they were kids. He can tell she’s singing it in her head, but she’ll wait a little to at least say it out loud.

“You’re still good to go pick up the boys ?” she asks before getting back in her car. “Yeah, of course. I’ll make dinner too, don’t worry about it,” he offers. She nods and looks at him a little too long. He knows she wants to tell him it’s time to let go, but despite what just happened he’s still not ready to. So he waves and turns around to get inside the house.

He needs to spend too much time on the couch doing some old style zapping. And maybe to eat too much cake, who cares at this point ?

He watches a few minutes of a movie with Jason Statham, then moves on to a German TV show somehow. Then it’s a cooking show, and next one of those auctions ones.

He does this until he gets a text from Rhodey telling him to watch the news, which doesn’t happen enough for Sam to ignore it. So he does, and something goes sour in his chest when he sees the shield with a man in full Captain America outfit.

“What the fuck,” he whispers to himself.

He listens avidly to what’s being said, but all he can really register is that they picked a new Captain America and this one looks like Steve. Well, not really, but they went with the blond white guy and didn’t call him.

Of course.

That shouldn't be the most important thing he takes from this because he’s the one that gave them the shield in the first place, but it is. It hurts. And it sucks to still be hurt by this kind of stuff. It hurts even more that they’re still happening but well, that’s America for you.

Also he thought it was clear why it’s not necessary to have a new Captain America. Steve can’t be replaced, period.

His phone dings and Sam takes the opportunity it brings to look away from the TV. His brain stops when he sees Barnes’ name on the screen. He tries to ignore the rush it makes him feel and opens the text only to have his heart drop.

‘What the fuck have you done ??’