Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A long time ago, two races ruled the Earth. Humans and monsters...

"yup, i know how the story goes."

The young, short skeleton, by the name of Sans, closes the history book he's been reading, only to be greeted by the enthusiasm and exuberance of his brother, Papyrus, who's really making fine work of that trail of fresh snow. If he didn't know any better, Sans would've guessed a couple of baby elephants trampled all over it.

"SANS!!!!!" Papyrus exclaimed, trekking back towards Sans for the millionth time. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE, YOU LAZYBONES?! DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE OUR NEW HOME???"

"hey, relax, bro. we still got time, don't we? i was just touching up on my history knowledge."

"RIGHT NOW???" The taller skeleton scoffs. "I TOLD YOU ALREADY, SANS!! YOU CAN READ WHEN WE GO INSIDE OUR NEW HOUSE!! OH, IT WILL BE SO GRAND!! HERE'S WHAT I'M THINKING. FAIRY LIGHTS ALL AROUND THE OUTSIDE, A LUXURIOUS, COLOURFUL CARPET, GLOW-IN-THE-DARK STICKERS ALL OVER THE CEILING..."

"and a bone painting."

Papyrus grabs Sans by the shoulders and proceeds to shake him for emphasis. "YES!!! AND A GOSH DARN BONE PAINTING!!!"

Sans, unfazed by the rough treatment, only gives him a thumbs up. "great ideas, bro. but, uh, how are we gonna find a bone painting worthy of the great papyrus?"

"NYEH HEH HEH!!!" Papyrus stands up straight and poses proudly. "NOT TO WORRY, DEAR BROTHER! WE SHALL FIND ONE SOON ENOUGH! THEN, AND ONLY THEN, CAN WE CALL OUR NEW HOUSE A HOME!! SPEAKING OF HOUSES..."

The duo continues to trek through the ice and snow, not looking back. They had just exited Waterfall, and Snowdin Town can just barely be seen in the distance. However, the fact that the snow appears to be getting higher and higher with every step they take makes this journey a lot more treacherous than they expected it to be. Especially for Sans, since his short height makes it so that the snow goes up to his ribcage, making it harder for him to concentrate through the mass amounts of snow soaking through his clothes. Sans is aware that this particular area is prone to spontaneous snowstorms (though HOW it happens is another question entirely), and judging by the fresh layers of snow that continuously piled up, it seems that there has just been one recently.

Sans takes a moment to stop and breathe. Gosh darn it, Papyrus, do you really have to go so fast? He's just barely able to navigate through this strange magical miracle snow sensation as it is! (Seriously, HOW is there snow in the underground? Sans would have to look into that another time.) It doesn't help that his taller brother has to power walk through it like it's some kind of snowy marathon! Usually, Sans isn't really bothered by his height - it came with advantages, but boy, do they come with disadvantages too. Luckily, the smol has a smol-ution.

"hey, pap."

Unfortunately, Papyrus is too far ahead to hear Sans. Either that, or he's too excited to see their new house. Better try again.

"hey, pap."

Still nothing. Jeez, and Sans thought HE had sensory processing issues.

"yo, papysaurus rex!"

Papyrus groans at that nickname. Why, oh WHY does Sans have to call him that? Without missing a beat, he turns around, ready to lecture his mischievous brother.

"WHAT IS IT, SA-" He stops in his tracks, only just now understanding the issue. Oh. Of course. He forgot Sans would have a harder time in this snow. How could The Great Papyrus be so blind?! But on the other hand, it's kind of hard not to laugh at the sight. After years of torment from his shortie of a brother, Papyrus figures it's about time for a little payback.

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!! HAHAHA, OH MY GOD!!! SANS, YOU- PFFFFFTTTTNYEH HEH HEH!!! NYEHEHEHEHEH!!! NYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!"

Et tu, Papyrus? Sans rolls his eyes, but can't help a small chuckle himself. After all, how can he be mad at his delightful brother? "yeah, okay, laugh it up."

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!! I'M SORRY, BROTHER, BUT YOU'RE SO SHORT!!!! YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A SNOWPOFF!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!! NYAHAHAHA!!!"

"could you at least carry me outta here?"

"NYEH HEH HEH!!! HAHA HAAA!!! HAHA OH..." Papyrus takes a moment to catch his breath. "OF COURSE... BABY BONES. WHEW HOO..."

"haha, very funny."

After his laughing fit had died down, Papyrus saunters back to help Sans out of his snowy predicament. Sans readily put his arms up, ready for Papyrus to pick him up and carry him the rest of the way. The taller skeleton obliges. Soon enough, Papyrus was carrying Sans through the freshly made layers of snow, leaving a smooth trail behind them.

"thanks, buddy."

"ANYTIME, SANS."

The brothers fall silent for a moment, enjoying each other's company. Despite everything, Sans and Papyrus are looking forward to this new chapter in their lives, one where they can live together peacefully and bid the old days farewell... Until that peace is inevitably ruined by either one of them.

"guess you could say i was almost SNOWDIN there!"

Welp. Mood ruined. "SANS!!!"

The little punster grins cheekily at the expression on Papyrus' face. "come on, bro. i see a smile~"

Gosh darn it, Sans, why do you have to be so good at reading people, Papyrus thought. He's right, Papyrus IS smiling at that joke. Gosh darn it! "IF YOU MAKE ANOTHER JOKE LIKE THAT, I WILL DUNK YOU HEAD FIRST IN THE SNOW!"

"aw, c'mon, bro. don't act so COLD towards me."

"I WILL MAKE YOU SLEEP IN THE SHED!!!"

"do we even have a shed?"

"I THINK SO!!"

"wow. COOL. hehehe."

"UGH!!! I SWEAR, SANS, YOU CAN BE SNOW ANNOYING SOMETIMES."

And with that, deep, hearty laughter echoes through the caverns as this duo of boneheads draw closer and closer to the cold place full of warm hearts, Snowdin Town. What will they do? Who will they meet? Neither brother knows for sure. But what they do know is that a brand new HUMERUS adventure had just begun. It's time for a new tale.

Chapter Text

T'was but a quiet day in Snowdin Town. So quiet, in fact, that there wasn't much to report. No news was going on. The most notable thing that's happened recently was the teenagers decorating Gyftrot again.

The residents all agreed that talking about the state that they're living in won't help their mental states. The underground is dark and suffocating, and even though deep down, they know their beloved King Asgore is going to restore hope and free them all, none of them have heard of a fallen human in decades. So here they stayed, making jokes, trying to forget about their bleak existence.

Business was slow today at the Snowdin Shop. Cottin, the owner, had been standing at the till for ages, checking, double-checking, restocking the shelves, and yet the only customers today were a rowdy kid and her own sister, and even then, the only thing that was sold was a simple bisicle. Oh, well. Perhaps she could use some fresh air, as fresh as you're gonna get in the underground, anyway. Maybe she could even sneak in a tasty little cinnabun for her nephew behind her sister's back. It'll be their shared secret.

Cottin smiled to herself. Yes, that sounds like a good idea. Before giving herself the chance for second thought, she briskly plucked one of her precious cinnabuns and popped it into its respective paper bag. She almost forgot to put up the "Closed for Lunch" sign when she stepped out. Silly Cottin.

All she had to do was head to the Snowdin Inn next door. She only took a few steps outside, however, before catching sight of a strange silhouette in the distance. Huh. How strange. Snowdin doesn't get a lot of visitors, unless it was King Asgore dressing up as Santa for the kiddos, or those pesky tourists from the capital. But something about this silhouette feels... different. It wouldn't hurt to stay behind and watch, right? Let's see...

By the time Papyrus finally made it through the ridiculous snow pile, Sans was about ready to fall asleep. Unfortunately for him, Papyrus had other plans!

"HEY, LAZYBONES!!!"

Sans gave a violent jolt. "whoa, wha...?"

"WE'RE HERE!!!"

The beam on Papyrus' face said it all. Well, that was quick. Sans had to give it to his bro. He's quite quick on his feet. Though he shouldn't have been so surprised, it IS Papyrus, after all.

"huh. this place looks pretty neat, don't it?"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?" Papyrus couldn't help but stomp the ground as he rambled on in his excitement. He always did have a tendency to get carried away. It's just another thing Sans loved about his brother. "JUST LOOK AT THIS PLACE!!! SO QUIET AND QUAINT! IT NEEDS A LITTLE BIT OF THE PAPYRUS TOUCH, BUT ONCE I MAKE MY MARK ON THIS TOWN, IT WILL BE THE GREATEST TOWN IN ALL THE UNDERGROUND!!! LOOK AT THE BUILDINGS, SANS!!! THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO ARCHITECTURE. OOH, A LIBRARY!!! AND A RESTAURANT!!! EVEN A CHRISTMAS TREE?!?! THIS PLACE HAS EVERYTHING!!!"

Papyrus had an unbearable urge to stomp his foot and flap his arms. To do that, he needed to put Sans down. Luckily, The Great Papyrus knows how to be graceful.

Sans fell flat on his side. "oof!"

Okay, maybe Papyrus isn't THAT graceful. At least now he had the freedom to move. And move, he shall! No sleepy brother was going to hold The Great Papyrus back!!! Before Sans could even comprehend what was going on, Papyrus was dashing all around town, attempting to chat it up with the locals. Emphasis on "attempting."

Beary Berry yelped when Papyrus jumpscared him. "HI!! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS!!"

Scarvie Mouse didn't fare much better when Papyrus got in her face. "YOU HAVE A LOVELY TOWN!!! WHAT DO YOU DO HERE?!"

And unfortunately, even Fluffy's precious little Cinnamon Bun wasn't safe from the strange skeleton's nonstop energy. "HEY, DO YOU LIKE PUZZLES?!?!"

Meanwhile, Sans quietly inspected the large house before him. He even double-checked the address to see if it was the right one. Yup. This is the place. Their new home. Sans looked around for his keys. Oh, no... He didn't lose them already, did he? Come on, come on... Sans dug through his pockets. Come on... Maybe Papyrus had them? Sans turned to see his brother relentlessly chasing some poor bear schmuck around. Yup, this first introduction was going well. Welp. Just gotta go with the flow, Sans supposed.

"HEY!!! STOP RUNNING AWAY!!!" The poor bear cub didn't stand a chance against the unstoppable force that is Papyrus. He doesn't even seem to understand that he was basically terrorising the whole town. All he wanted to do was talk about puzzles and make friends, was that so hard? "SO, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PUZZLES? I BELIEVE THEY ARE A STAPLE OF MONSTER CULTURE!!! A FINE- UGH, HEY!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! PLEASE COME BACK!!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS JUST WANTS TO GET TO KNOW YOU!!! HEY!!!"

Papyrus paused to reflect on what he was doing. "STRANGE... IT'S JUST LIKE LAST TIME I TRIED TO MAKE FRIENDS! COULD IT BE POSSIBLE THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM DOING SOMETHING WRONG? PERHAPS A CONVERSATION WITH SANS IS NECESSARY... OH, WAIT! SANS!!!"

The budding skeletal athlete practically flew back to the house, only to find Sans still fumbling for the keys. Seriously? He left Sans for five minutes to socialise, and he was already a mess. Papyrus sighs to himself. Where would Sans be without a cool brother like Papyrus to take care of him? At least HE had photographic memory for key placements.

"nngh, come on..." Sans barely noticed Papyrus until the taller twin plucked off his beanie. "h-hey-" And dumped the keys out into his own hands. "o-oh... thanks, bro."

"OF COURSE! THE GREAT PAPYRUS ALWAYS REMEMBERS YOUR STRANGE HABITS! INCLUDING YOUR TENDENCY TO LEAVE KEYS IN INCONSPICUOUS PLACES."

"hehe, yeah. where will i be without you?" Sans smiles thankfully, albeit sheepishly, at Papyrus, before taking the keys and unlocking the door. "so, how did socialising go? looks like you had a blast."

Papyrus huffs and crosses his arms. "IT WAS STRANGE. THEY PRETENDED THEY WERE SCARED OF ME!"

"pretended, huh? are you sure you weren't coming onto 'em too much again?"

"UH, WELL..." Sans finally managed to unlock the door. A gust of warm air hit their faces. "OOH... UM, WELL, I CAN THINK ABOUT THE WHOLE FRIEND THING LATER. LET'S SEE WHAT'S INSIDE!!"

The brothers closed their eyes and walked inside their new house, for dramatic effect, of course. Papyrus just so happened to bump his shoulder on the doorframe.

"OW." He pretended he didn't.

"okay, ready?"

"READY AS I'LL EVER BE!!"

The twins counted backwards simultaneously, giddy for the big reveal. "3, 2, 1!" Open!

...

There wasn't much, really. What did they expect? It was an empty house, after all. A sofa... A TV... Bright orange wallpaper, a bright carpet, an opening that led to the kitchen... Overall, pretty empty. It was a fixer upper, for sure.

Sans sighed in slight disappointment. "ah, well. we can work with this. whaddya think, bro?"

Meanwhile, Papyrus' eyes shone like the glowing rocks in Waterfall. "I! LOVE IT!!!" He jumps for joy and paces up and down the whole house in exuberance. "LOOK AT HOW MUCH POTENTIAL WE HAVE, BROTHER!!! IT'S INCREDIBLE, ISN'T IT?! WE CAN PUT A DESK THERE, A PAINTING HERE... OH, AND LOOK AT THIS LAYOUT!!! WE COULD GIVE KING ASGORE A RUN FOR HIS MONEY!!"

Now that he thought about it, Sans can see the potential here. Ah, there he goes again. Papyrus always had this way of lighting up a room. "yeah... yeah, i can see it."

"YOU CAN??? I MEAN, OF COURSE YOU CAN!!! HOW COULD YOU NOT?! YOU CAN'T CANNOT SEE THE POTENTIAL THAT WE CAN'T CANNOT SEE, YOU SEE?!"

Sans had to think about that for a second. "uh, yeah. i see."

"WE SEE!"

Papyrus was so excited, he's practically a blur. If it's not his stomping foot or his arms, it's his entire body. Sans will never understand how Papyrus can have so much energy. As a certified lazybones, it's pretty much a guarantee that you will NEVER see Sans this energetic. It's just not physically possible for him. Besides, his mind was already active enough, thank you very much. Oh, well. Sans and Papyrus were going to be brainstorming all night anyway. Ulna-ight. Heh. Maybe Sans should use that one. Sans took one last look around the living room before following Papyrus upstairs. Amusingly, in his frenzy, Papyrus ended up falling down the stairs right beside Sans. Sans couldn't even fully process what was happening before he found Papyrus on the living room floor.

"pfft- tehehehehehehhehehehehehe! *snort* hehehehehehehehehehehe!"

Papyrus groaned into the carpet, humiliated. "OH HA HA HA, SO FUNNY."

Sans couldn't help but laugh his non-existent butt off. "s-sorry, bro. you know... i never trusted stairs."

That's what caused Papyrus to get up in protest. He knows what's coming, he can sniff a bad joke from a mile away. "SANS!!! DON'T!!! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY!!! CEASE!!!"

Resistance was futile. Sans had to. For the greater comedic good! "they're always up to somethin'!"

Furious screams and hearty laughter echoed through the previously vacant house. They were so loud the entirety of Snowdin could hear it, including Cottin, who stood and watched the whole time. She stood for such a long time that her sister, Beddie, went outside to go check on her.

"Is everything alright?" Beddie looked at her sister with a puzzled, yet lovingly concerned look on her face.

"Nah, everything's fine." Cottin smirked. "Though I suspect that things will get a lot more interesting from now on."

The next morning started out just like any other day; quiet, with not much going on. However, this time, the residents of Snowdin had something new to talk about. Who were these mysterious skeletons? Where did they come from? It's like they just showed up out of thin air or something!

Neither skeleton brother was oblivious to the gossip. It's clear that they were the first people to move to Snowdin in a long time. And they both knew that, being the only skeleton monsters, they stand out from the crowd in more ways than one.

Papyrus adored the clout he and his brother got. Perhaps, he thinks, this would be a fine opportunity to make friends! Yesterday's attempts had... less than satisfactory results, but today, The Great Papyrus will make lots of friends! He's sure of it! Someone's bound to like him, right? It's not going to be like the last time he tried to make friends in his town... right??? Yes! Because The Great Papyrus is the coolest, friendliest monster around, and soon enough, he will get the respect and admiration he deserves!

After the whole fiasco yesterday, Sans expected there to be some gossip. Just not THIS much gossip. But hey, he can run with this. It's not weird to talk about the new neighbours, it's normal. Walking through Snowdin Town... He's just a normal guy living a normal life, nothing weird going on here... Don't think about it too much. Don't think about it.

Don't.

Don't.

D o n ' t .

Sans stopped in his tracks. Where was he going again? Oh, yeah. He was exploring. Gosh, he really needed to get out of his head sometimes. Even though there are some things that are fun to think about. Like penguin horses. And whoopie cushions.

There he goes again. Maybe some food can help with his overactive mind. He turns to his side. Coincidentally, he appeared to be outside the only restaurant in town. Grillby's, it was called. Sans silently wonders if this "Grillby" makes some good food. He must do. He can see that it's rather busy inside. Looks like a typical bar. Sans likes bar food. This place looks really promising. Welp, let's see if it lives up to the hype. The curious skeleton tentatively opens the door, ready to feast on some (hopefully) delicious food.

Upon first glance, Sans can already tell what the atmosphere of the place is. It's warm, inviting, and full of friendly faces. Faces... Many different faces. So many to differentiate. So many to learn. Right. Okay, so far so good. Time to make an impression on these people. That'll keep his mind on track for sure.

As he walks, Sans makes sure to be subtle, but at the same time, imposing. Puff out his chest, look as intimidating as possible... He can't help but chuckle inside every time he plays up the "deep and mysterious" act. It always gets people going. Everyone has eyes on him. Ooh, boy. This is exciting! He's so gonna get everyone with this!

Grillby and his patrons stare at this strange skeleton with incredulous looks on their faces. Who was he to walk in like he owns the place? Their suspicion only multiplies tenfold when they spot this mysterious skeleton sat at the very back, right in front of Grillby's face. That look in his eyes... The tension in this room is palpable. There's a sense of agreement in this room that this is a skeleton you do NOT want to mess with. Even Grillby himself is intrigued by this mysterious monster that's glaring at him with such empty eye sockets...

The fish monster sat right next to the intimidating figure speaks up. "H-Hey... Grillbz asked you about your... order?"

The enigmatic skeleton closes his eyes and leans back on his stool, but not so far back that he's about to fall off.

"M y o r d e r ?"

Inside, Sans is delighted by their reactions. It's PRICELESS. Welp... The moment of truth.

Like a flip had switched, Sans opens his eyes, eyelights bigger and brighter than ever. His demeanour became less serious and more relaxed, even cheery. Knowing that this is his first time here, Sans had the perfect joke... "i'll just have my usual."

A pregnant pause. Then a chuckle. Then came uproarious laughter. Sans, you son of a gun, you did it again. Ahh, he'd relish in these moments forever if he had the chance. Gosh, he loves doing this. Even Grillby's impressed!

Overall, Sans' first trip to Grillby's exceeded expectations. The atmosphere was pleasant, the people were nice, and the food was great too! Too bad he couldn't pay for it. Luckily, Grillby let Sans keep a tab. Sans hopes to himself that he doesn't end up making this whole "tab" thing a habit. That wouldn't look very good on his part.

Papyrus had done it! He created the most brilliant plan to earn the respect of everyone in Snowdin and make friends! He stands proudly at his makeshift stage. Sure, it was made out of rotting crates he found in the river, but the rot was barely noticeable with a few splashes of paint! It looked beautiful from where he stood. And he's 102% sure it will look even MORE beautiful with his performance.

Papyrus looks down at the scrap paper he wrote the lyrics down on. It's just a matter of memorising, and The Great Papyrus is the best at memorising! (Not like his forgetful brother, who sometimes forgot to charge his phone before leaving the house. And he wonders why it always runs out of battery. Seriously, you can never rely on Sans to pick up the phone because he always forgets to charge it! How does that skeleton even function?) And he even picked out the BEST track for this song! It's none other than the song Sans created for him on their Sweet Sixteenth! This song has to be special, and Bonetrousle was the most specialest of songs, as it was made specifically to showcase what Papyrus is like on the inside! Once the residents of Snowdin hear his song, they'll be flocking to him, practically begging him to be their friend! And of course, Papyrus would say YES! And they can all have a dance party, celebrating their newfound friendship! Ah, yes... The perfect plan! Now all Papyrus has to do is... actually perform it.

"WELL... IF THERE'S ANYTHING I'M EXCEPTIONAL AT, IT'S THE ART OF PERFORMANCE!!" The flamboyant skeleton poses as he laughs. "NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!! OH, I CAN SEE IT NOW! EVERYONE IN SNOWDIN SHALL WATCH MY PERFORMANCE! THEY WILL BE BEDAZZLED BY MY EXPERTLY CRAFTED LYRICS AND GRACEFUL, INTRICATE DANCE MOVES!! THEY WILL ASK TO BE MY "FRIEND"? AND THEY'LL GIVE ME ALL THE HUGS AND KISSES AND WE WILL BE THE BEST OF FRIENDS!! OH, PAPYRUS, YOU CLEVER, SLY FOX, YOU!!!"

The would-be performer dramatically takes out a boombox and a tape, lovingly labelled "Bonetrousle" in red marker (alongside some doodles of skulls with sunglasses and bones with hearts). He places the tape in and rewinds it, ready to play.

"PHEW... OKAY, PAPYRUS. YOU'RE COOL... GREAT, EVEN! YOU GOT THIS..."

This is silly, Papyrus thinks. He doesn't need a pep talk! He's The Great Papyrus! He's doing this! He's doing this!!!

...

Why is he sweating?! He can't afford to be nervous now! He's never gotten stage fright before (total lie), he's not going to start now!

Swallowing his (totally no) fears, Papyrus leaps onto his makeshift stage and (shakily) presses the play button. Bonetrousle starts playing.

"HELLO, PEOPLE OF SNOWDIN!!! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE A SPECIAL SONG FOR YOU!!!"

(Are you ready for this Undertale throwback?)

ATTENTION, MONSTERS! MY NAME IS PAPYRUS,

I'M A SKELETON MADE WITH MAGIC, BONES AND LOTS OF COOL!

IF YOU NEED PROOF, THEN LOOK AT MY BICEPS,

BECAUSE THEY'RE WEARING SUNGLASSES, AND THAT CLEARLY MEANS I RULE!

(It's working! Everyone's paying attention! This is great! Also within the crowd is Sans, who just stepped outside of Grillby's and wanted to watch his brother perform. He looks... very proud, actually!)

MY EPIC SKILLS ARE UNRIVALLED WHEN IT COMES TO,

SURVIVAL SKILLS, PUZZLES, DANCE, AND MAGIC, WHETHER MY ATTACKS ARE SHORT OR THEY ARE LONG,

(The crate Papyrus is standing on begins to give way, which ends up with him getting his foot stuck between two planks. That's gotta hurt, but he keeps singing anyway. The show must go on!)

AND NOT A SINGLE CREATURE HAS SURVIVED MY BLUE-

"hey, you just got your foot stuck."

SANS, DON'T INTERRUPT MY SONG!!!!

IT TAKES A SPECIAL KIND OF PERFECTION JUST TO MATCH WHAT I HAVE BEEN WITHOUT EVER HAVING TRIED!!!

AND THAT WHY I WOULD MAKE THE PERFECT FRIEND!!

"say, aren't you tryna make some?"

HEY, THAT DOESN'T MEAN I LIED!!!

SO IF YOU THINK THAT WE CAN PALS, THEN YOU BETTER BE PREPARED FOR IMMENSE AMOUNTS OF FUN!

AND THAT'S THE GREAT PAPYRUS IN ALL OF HIS GLORY!

"hey, did you know that i made this song?"

"SANS!!!"

"what?"

"STOP PLAGUING MY NUMBER WITH INCIDENTAL LYRICS!!!"

"hey, i thought it sounded pretty good."

"WELL, I THOUGHT IT SOUNDED LIKE 'NOT PAPYRUS!' WHICH IS THE WORST KIND OF SOUND TO BE! BESIDES, I'M TRYING TO DO SOMETHING HERE!!! CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO HERE?!"

Sans looks down remorsefully. "oh... sorry, then."

"THAT'S OKAY, SANS! I ALREADY FORGAVE YOU!" The truth is, despite all the teasing, Papyrus can't stay truly mad at Sans for too long. Even though he totally interrupted his foolproof plan.

One of the rabbits in the crowd pipes up. "Hey, um... The music's still playing."

"OH, OF COURSE!!!" Papyrus tries feebly to reach the boombox, but it's just about out of his reach thanks to his foot being stuck inside the crate. Curse you, rotting wood! "SANS, HELP!!! TURN IT OFF!!!"

"yup. i got it." Sans, casually as ever, reaches over and turns off the boombox.

"PHEW!"

After a slight pause, one of the bears in the crowd claps. And then another monster starts clapping. And then another. And another. Until the whole crowd is clapping for Papyrus. Oh, happy days! Papyrus can finally find friends at last! He frantically pulls his foot out of the wood and limps to the audience, arms open wide!

...

The crowd disperses before he could reach them. Well... It wasn't the first time that happened, Papyrus thinks.

"...DID YOU SEE THAT, SANS?"

Sans was too busy throwing dirty looks at the crowd. How dare they turn down his brother like that! But whatever, Papyrus needs him now. "huh?"

"THEY... LIKED ME!!!" The tall brother stomps his foot in sheer delight! He hasn't felt this happy since... Well, since he saw their new house yesterday! "THEY LIKED MY PERFORMANCE!!! THEY CLAPPED!!! THEY APPLAUDED ME, DID YOU SEE THAT?!"

Sans nods. Even though he can tell the residents are still wary of Papyrus, he's glad to see that his brother is making progress. "yup."

"TODAY, A ROUND OF APPLAUSE! TOMORROW, A ROUND OF HUGS!!! AND NEXT WEEK... A SHOWER OF KISSES!!!"

"sounds great."

Papyrus' excited stomping had not slowed down a bit. "OH, I'M SO GLAD WE MOVED TO SNOWDIN!!! THIS WAS THE BEST DECISION OF OUR LIVES!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

The small skeleton can't help but chuckle at Papyrus' pure joy. What can he say, it's infectious! "yeah. sorry i interrupted your song."

"ALL IS FORGIVEN, SANS!! I'M JUST HAPPY THINGS ARE FINALLY LOOKING UP FOR US!!" He glances off to the side, seemingly remembering something. Something he never wants to remember. Whatever, it's all in the past now.

Sans chuckles. "you know... i bet that performance left them very..."

Oh, Papyrus KNOWS this is just gonna kill the mood. "WHAT. SANS."

"pfft... bonetrousled."

Instead of a screech, Papyrus responds with an exaggerated sigh. Never in a million years will Papyrus admit out loud that he enjoys bantering with his brother like this.

"YOU'RE SUCH A NUMBSKULL, SANS!"

"why? cuz i've been out in the cold?"

"NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

Overall, first impressions were... a bit shaky. But Papyrus is positive that he and Sans will thrive in Snowdin, more than anywhere else they've been before. After all, they are the masters of their own destiny, and who knows what tomorrow will bring? Maybe Papyrus will finally make a true friend. Maybe Sans will actually help him get supplies for their new house! ...Yeah, if only. Either way, Papyrus knows that he's going to enjoy it here in Snowdin. He can feel it in his bones.

Chapter Text

"BREAKING NEWS! Two kids and a dog unLEASHed an avalanche in Snowdin Woods today! Eyewitnesses agree that they saw two teenage boys distracting and playing with Royal Guard Greater Dog, and in their whimsy, they knocked down a snow drift that covered the whole area! The snow piled up so high you can barely see the trees! Wow! No one was harmed, but it was certainly a scare! They say that the dogs are the ones that need to be leashed, but this incident makes us wonder, do your KIDS need leashes too? More at 5!"

Papyrus sat in the middle of the living room floor, staring at the TV. He was momentarily distracted from his 250 piece puzzle he found in the basement. It wasn't anywhere near as good as the puzzles he saw out and about (although he's heard of modern puzzles now using ridiculous things like lasers and air vents, the nerve!), but it was good enough for the time being.

"HUH, THE NEWS DOWN HERE ISN'T USUALLY THIS FAST." The young skeleton sat there for a while, staring at the footage on the screen. For once, the reporter wasn't exaggerating. The snow really WAS so high you could barely see the trees! Imagine all the snowmen you could make with that...

Snowmen.

Papyrus perked up. "OH MY GOD!! IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS SINCE WE MOVED, AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN BUILT A SINGLE SNOWMAN!!!" Without missing a beat, Papyrus scrambled to his feet, almost ruining the puzzle he's been working on in the process. Not that he cares that much (well, he DOES, but snowmen are more important right now!). In a flash, Papyrus races to Sans' room. There's so way he was going to build snowmen without his brother!

He tried the door. Locked. Of course. Sans started a habit of keeping his door locked at night. Well, that's not gonna deter The Great Papyrus! He expertly summoned a tiny bone shard and used it to pick the lock, before entering the room and... Oh, it's super barren. And to top it off, Sans was STILL asleep?!

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME, SANS?!?!?!" Papyrus stomped his foot in frustration. How DARE he be still asleep! "SANS, IT'S ALMOST 11, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL ASLEEP?!? THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS!!! PREPOSTEROUS, I TELL YOU!!!"

All this nagging only seemed to elicit a sleepy groan from the sleeping bundle of bones. "five minutes..."

"NO!!! YOU'VE SLEPT IN WAY TOO LATE!! AND SIDE NOTE!! WE REALLY NEED TO DECORATE YOUR ROOM, IT'S SO BARE!! IT'S JUST A MATTRESS AND A DRAWER!! WE COULD AT LEAST PUT IN SOME FAIRY LIGHTS OR A LAMP OR SOMETHING!!"

Sans lets out another sleepy moan. "mmh, yeah, that's... that's a good idea..."

Papyrus sighs in frustration. "BROTHER, PLEASE! THERE'S A HUGE PILE OF SNOW IN THE WOODS AND I WANNA MAKE SNOWMEN WITH YOU!!!"

Sans rolls over to face Papyrus. His eyes are still mostly closed, but at least his left one had opened a crack. "mmh, yeah? snowmen, yeah. sounds... sounds great." He lets out a yawn and closes his eyes, ready to go back to sleep.

Papyrus doesn't have time for this nonsense. Before Sans had any time to protest, Papyrus yanked the blanket (bedsheet) off, grabbed Sans by the ankle and hoisted him out of bed.

"hey!" Thud! "whyyyy?" At least he's awake now. But that's not enough to satisfy Papyrus. No, he needs to WAKE up. So he proceeds to drag Sans along the floor through the house whilst explaining his plans for today.

"THERE IS THIS HUGE PILE OF SNOW IN THE WOODS!! HAVE WE BEEN TO THE WOODS?"

"no."

"EXACTLY, SO THIS WILL BE OUR FIRST TIME THERE!!! AND WE HAVE TO MAKE A MARK!! AND WHAT BETTER MARK IS THERE THAN A BRILLIANT SNOWMAN? HUH?"

"okay."

"SO WE'RE GOING TO BE MAKING SNOWMEN!!!"

"okay."

Sans was really getting on Papyrus' nerves. If he had any.

The woods were beautiful, Sans thought. He can't believe he completely forgot they were so close. How could he? The town was surrounded by it! The tall, dark evergreen trees, the icicles daintily hanging off of them, the crunch of the freshly laid snow... So quiet. So peaceful.

Well, it would be quiet if Papyrus wasn't rambling to him about puzzles the whole way. Sans loves his brother more than anything in the world, but it's just really hard to keep up with him sometimes. Nonetheless, he kept smiling and nodding in agreement to everything Papyrus was saying, even though truthfully, not all of it got through.

"AND CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT HOTLAND HAS VARIOUS PUZZLES SURROUNDING AIR VENTS?! AIR VENTS!!! OF ALL THINGS, WHY AIR VENTS?!?! I SWEAR, PUZZLES HAVE NO CLASS THESE DAYS!!! WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PUSHING A ROCK ON A BUTTON, OR COMPLETING A MAZE FULL OF FLAMES AND SPIKES?! DANGER AT EVERY TURN!!! KIDS LOVE FLAMES AND SPIKES!! JUST ASK ANY CHILD!!! I AM 102% SURE THEY WILL AGREE WITH ME!! LOOK, I GET THAT THE KING WANTS TO MAKE PUZZLES SAFER, BUT ARE AIR VENTS REALLY SAFE??? JUST ONE WRONG MOVE, BAM!!! STRAIGHT INTO THE MAGMA!!! AND WHILE THAT'S COOL AND ALL, THERE'S STILL NO THOUGHT BEHIND IT!!! WHERE IS THE SOPHISTICATION?"

Sans almost regrets letting Papyrus complete that puzzle book for him when they were 5. Oh, well. At least Papyrus is happy. That's all Sans could ever ask for.

After ten minutes, they finally find the immense pile of snow from the avalanche. Neither brother could resist a little gasp in awe. Oh, they're gonna build the COOLEST snowmen out of this! And the best part? They're completely alone! No one was hurt, everyone's too scared to go near it...

"Meow!"

Sans turned his head to the side. A lone, stray kitty, black with white patches, was just sitting there, cleaning herself. The small skeleton couldn't help but gaze at the cat in awe. He wouldn't really call himself a "cat purrson"... But gosh darn it, was that little fluffball so adorable!

"WOWIE!!! WE MADE IT!!! CAN YOU SEE WHAT I SEE??" Papyrus turns towards Sans, only to find him stroking a cat. "SANS!!!"

Sans snaps out of his "cuteness overload" trance. "huh? what is it, bro?"

Papyrus vaguely gestures towards the pile of snow. Sans sighs.

"i know you wanna make a snowman, bro. just gimme a second, alright?" Sans turned back to the kitty and pets it adoringly, which left Papyrus to eyeroll a bit. "whoza good kitty? whoza good kitty?"

Well, you can't blame your brother for being easily charmed by kitty cuteness. Looks like Papyrus had to start building a snowman without him.

Luckily for Papyrus, not long after he started building, Sans quickly joined him. The brothers made a valiant team, working together to make the best snowman ever to grace this part of the woods! Papyrus found some sticks, Sans found some stones, and they even considered using a bone attack for a nose instead of a carrot.

"hey, look! it's mr BONEman!" Sans beamed proudly at his handiwork. Papyrus, on the other hand, wasn't so sure.

"HMM... NO, IT LOOKS OFF TO ME."

"aw, what?" Sans made cat ears out of snow and stuck them to the snowman's head. Papyrus gave him an incredulous look.

"OKAY, NOW IT'S JUST A FURRY."

"hey. there's nothing wrong with furries, is there?"

"OF COURSE NOT!!! I JUST DIDN'T EXPECT OUR SNOWGUY TO END UP BECOMING A FURRY!!!"

"maybe he was a furry all along."

Cue facepalm from Papyrus! "IS THIS A JOKE?"

Oh, Sans just can't pass up the opportunity. "don't you mean am i FUR real?"

"SIGH... ARE YOU FUR REAL, SANS?"

Sans had an idea. He grinned mischievously at Papyrus before he spoke. "y'know, i bet i can make something waaaayyyyyy cooler."

Papyrus glared directly into Sans' eyes. Oh, no, he didn't! "DO I HEAR A CHALLENGE?"

Sans glared back. Oh, yes, he did! "maybe you did."

Oh, ho... Papyrus is so going to prove Sans wrong. "YOU'RE ON!!"

Two brothers, going head to head in a snowman building competition. This will be easy, Papyrus thought as he gazed at his simple, yet impressive snowman. Sans was too lazy to build anything more than a snowpoff on a good day! There's no way he'll be able to- Oh, what the what?!

Papyrus didn't expect to see such a gorgeous display from Sans. Instead of using two huge snowballs, Sans took the time to actually create LEGS for the snowman, and even make it do a heroic pose! He even taunted Papyrus with a smug grin and a cheeky wave. Papyrus fumes. No, he won't let his brother beat him!!! He'll make something even cooler!!!

The next time Sans turned to check on Papyrus' work, he was shocked to see a snow SKELETON standing there! Papyrus really wanted to win, huh? Well, he's gotta give it to his brother. He's always had good craftsmanship. Sans was impressed, but he wasn't about to make this easy for him. He's got the perfect idea that would REALLY push Papyrus over the edge!

His snow skeleton was complete! Oh, happy days! Papyrus was gonna win for sure! Now to check on Sans- Wait a minute!!! Is that CLEOPATRA?! Oh, he's bringing HUMAN HISTORICAL FIGURES into this?! Oh, boy! Well, TWO can play at that game, Sans! The Great Papyrus isn't going to lose!!!

Sans had just finished adding cat ears to Snow CleoCATra's head. He stands back, proud of his handiwork. Man. Brotherly competitions sure are a blast. The shorter turned around to see his competitor's work. It only took two seconds to recognise the historical figure Papyrus was making. That's Abraham Lincoln! From Human Histories Volume 2! He was just reading that book the other day! Wow... Sans really has to step up his game if he really wants to win this. But he can't help but admire his brother's hard work. What can he say? Papyrus never fails to make him proud. Alright, onto the cat army.

Papyrus had just finished carving Abraham Lincoln's face. Using one of Sans' current interests against him? That's sure to mess with him! Papyrus posed proudly at his own handiwork before silently wondering what Sans was up to. Oh! Oh, he's making a cat army to surround Cleopatra, and... did he seriously just add cat ears again?! Was all this just because of that one cat Sans saw earlier? Papyrus wouldn't put it past him if it is. Well, it's clear that he's got this competition in the bag! But first... A few modifications!

Finishing off the tenth cat left Sans exhausted. Perhaps he could take a little break and admire his brother's work again. Surely, he's done something even more elaborate now. Sans wasn't surprised to see that his suspicions were correct. Now instead of Abraham Lincoln, Papyrus is creating HIMSELF as a snowman! Well, he's gotta hand it to him, Papyrus IS the superior figure, at least in Sans' humble opinion. Ooh, maybe he could even leave a little troll for Papyrus. He'll love that!

Ahh, finally... Papyrus' masterpiece. Nothing is greater than the likes of The Great Papyrus himself! How wonderful! How radiant! How perfect! Surely, this will win the competition. Nothing could even come CLOSE to this! Papyrus turns around to see Sans creating a snow sign for Furry!Cleopatra to hold. What does the sign even say? Papyrus steps away from his beautiful snow sculpture to take a closer look. Not even 5 seconds later, he regrets it.

"GASP!!! 'PAPYRUS WETS THE BED'?!?!?!"

Sans grins mischievously. "yup. cleocatra only states facts. and it says here that papyrus wets the bed."

"GRR... SANS, THAT'S SO IMMATURE!!!" Papyrus' stomping definitely shows how much offence he took from that slight. "WE DON'T EVEN HAVE BLADDERS!!!"

"huh. then how do you wet the bed every night, then?" Sans continued to troll. This only made Papyrus more agitated.

"I DO NOT!!!"

"hey, come on. cleocatra never lies."

"I BELIEVE YOU'LL FIND THAT YOUR FURRY SNOWHUMAN IS VERY MUCH CAPABLE OF DECEIT!!!"

Papyrus can only see red. Sans can see red too... on Papyrus' face.

"really? you're blushing. are you embarrassed about being called out, bedwetter?"

That's the final straw! "THAT'S IT!!! I'M GOING TO CREATE AN ARMY TO DESTROY YOUR CAT ARMY AND COME OUT VICTORIOUS!!! THIS IS NO LONGER A COMPETITION!!! THIS!!! IS!!! WAR!!!"

Papyrus dashes back to his Snow Papyrus and gives him a cloak and crown to make him a king. Now, to build the army and the castle. It would take all day to build an entire snow castle by hand. Luckily, that's what blue magic is for.

Sans continued making cats, laughing to himself about what just went down. Oh, he loves his brother so much! He only stopped laughing when he noticed this shadow looming over him. He turns towards where Papyrus was building and... whoa. Okay. He is definitely taking this competition to the next level. Oh well. Looks like Sans has his work cut out for him, then. Might as well build a castle to keep up.

Twenty minutes later, Papyrus had done it. He created a giant castle, complete with a throne room and an entire snowman army, with nothing but his wit, creativity, cunning and blue magic to speed things up. He stands before his army, taking the role of military commander. It may be drastic, but Papyrus will do whatever it took to regain his lost pride.

"LISTEN UP, ARMY!!!" Papyrus paced up and down as he spoke. "I, YOUR GREAT MILITARY COMMANDER, PAPYRUS, HAVE A VERY IMPERATIVE MISSION FOR YOU ALL!!! WE MUST TAKE DOWN SANS, CLEOCATRA, AND THEIR DREADED ARMY OF SNOW KITTIES!!! NOBODY CALLS THE GREAT PAPYRUS A BEDWETTER AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!! ARE YOU WITH ME?!"

...

"...'YEAH!' AND REMEMBER!!! YOU ARE DOING THIS NOT JUST FOR YOUR COUNTRY, NOT JUST FOR YOUR PEOPLE... BUT ALSO FOR MY DIGNITY. NOW!!! ATTACK!!!"

Nothing happens. They were snow sculptures, after all. But that wasn't going to deter Papyrus. To the snow cannons!!!

Papyrus dashed upstairs, pretending his army was right behind him. He approached a snow soldier that was standing by the window and glanced at Sans' cat army below. Hmm... Seems like Sans had put up some defenses. Sans created a castle much like Papyrus' own, except this one had a bit of inspiration from Ancient Egyptian architecture. Clever... Very clever. But not clever enough!!! Papyrus takes out his makeshift slingshot and fires snowballs at Sans' first line of defense, descimating the poor snow cats up front.

Sans looked at the carnage down below. Looks like war has begun. "fire!" He blasted snowballs out of his trusty Gaster Blasters, which starts "killing" Papyrus' soldiers at the windows, including the one next to him!

Papyrus gasps. "OH, NO, YOU DON'T!!!"

He climbs towards the roof, where his own snow cannons were. Using his own magic, he fired not just snowballs, but snow BOULDERS directly at Cleocatra's head. Sans pushed his beloved sculpture out of the way just in time and fixes the sign. Luckily, it was still comprehensible.

"you're still a bedwetter!"

"NO!!! I'M!!! NOT!!!" Papyrus continued to fire until his ammunition was gone. He growled, but he didn't give up. "FINE! I SUPPOSE I'LL HAVE TO DEPLOY MY SECRET WEAPON!!!"

He ran downstairs and unveiled his state-of-the-art snow tank. Yes, you heard that right. A tank. Made of snow. That he could DRIVE. Papyrus always wanted to drive a vehicle. And now was the time.

Before Sans could even tell what was going on, Papyrus burst through the walls of his new castle, driving his somehow fully-functional snow tank. Snowballs fired directly at Sans' castle.

"eek! all this over a little insult?!" Sans ducked behind a wall that wasn't destroyed. He can't bear to see his beloved snow cats getting obliterated like this. Luckily, he had a backup plan of his own. He ran behind his snow castle, which revealed a fully-functional snow plane, powered by none other than blue magic. Seriously, blue magic is overpowered come to think of it. Wasting no time, Sans hopped into the plane and took off, getting about 50 feet off of the cavern floor. He imagined that there was a sensor targeting Papyrus.

"target in range!" Sans started firing snowballs from above, which really shocked Papyrus.

"GASP!!! A SNOWPLANE?! WELL, TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME, SANS!!!" Papyrus wisely abandoned his tank before Sans blew it up with a giant snowball. Quickly, the taller skeleton manages to build a snowplane himself out of the remains, and took off subsequently after.

Thus begins a battle in the sky! Two brothers, two planes, but only one will remain in the air! Who will come out on top?!

Papyrus flied straight towards Sans' plane, firing at him relentlessly.

"uh oh!" Sans exclaimed, right before he took a nosedive. But as you could probably guess, that didn't deter Papyrus one bit. He. Is. DETERMINED.

"SANS, GET BACK HERE AND TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID!!!"

"never!"

"THEN YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE!!!"

Papyrus, in his fury, tried to ram into the back of Sans' snowplane, which Sans dodged just in time for his snow cannons to fire, directly into Papyrus' "engine."

Papyrus' plane going down!!! CRASH IMMINENT!!!!!

"ABORT!!! ABORT!!! AAAAAAAAAA-" Sploosh! Right into the snow! Papyrus shook off the snowy debris, left in the middle of the battlefield. He sighed, having to contemplate over where this competition had taken him. What was once a fun game... Now turned into a warground.

Papyrus felt a change in himself. War has changed him. He didn't care about the competition. He didn't care about the snowmen. All he cared about was Sans taking back his insult! The Great Papyrus! Is not! A bedwetter! He doesn't even have a bladder, how would that work?! There was only one last thing to do. He whipped his head around, gazing at the hill. Where all this snow had come from. If he pushed a huge snowball down the hill, it will destroy everything! And Sans will finally have to apologise for his slight! Yes...

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH..." The crazed skeleton began his journey. The final frontier. He rolled up a medium sized snowball and started rolling it up the hill.

Meanwhile, Sans, still in his snowplane, gazed down at Papyrus from above. It only took him a few glances to determine what he was doing. He shook his head and sighed.

"all this over a childish insult? heh. he really takes this game seriously, huh?" Despite knowing what's about to happen, Sans didn't do anything to stop him. He just sat and watched as Papyrus climbed higher, but fell deeper into rage-induced insanity.

A few minutes later...

"HUFF... PUFF... FINALLY..." Papyrus had finally pushed the boulder of snow to the top of the hill. If he stepped back, Papyrus could estimate it to be about four times his size. Yes... That should be good enough. It's time to end this war once and for all.

Papyrus carefully shuffled to the other side of the snowball, analysing the target. At this trajectory, he deduced he would not only destroy Cleocatra and her cat kingdom, but also his own snow kingdom. Oh, well. It's a small price to pay for justice.

"NO TIME FOR DILLY-DALLYING, PAPYRUS!!" He huffed. "SANS... THIS IS FOR MY DIGNITY!!! YAH!!!" He pushed!

...

CRUNCH!

Somehow, when Papyrus pushed the snow boulder, it rolled down the compete opposite way and crushed HIM in the process! Sans quietly landed his snowplane and walked up to Papyrus, who was now half-buried under snow.

"hey, uh... the hill was slanted in a different direction-"

"I KNOW, SANS!!!!" The indignant skeleton jumped up and shook the snow off, not unlike a dog. "NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HAD JUST APOLOGISED!! I AM NOT A-"

"uh, paps?"

The taller stopped for a moment to look at his brother's face. He looked... nervous? And he was pointing in the direction the snowball went down! Was something happening?

Papyrus turned around to find that the boulder had not slowed down one bit. In fact, it only appeared to be speeding up! And heading straight towards...

SNOWDIN TOWN!!!

"Crap!!" The brothers say in unison. They're in HUGE trouble!

This was the fastest Papyrus had ever ran with Sans on his back. Actually, no! The fastest he had ever ran, PERIOD. Adrenaline is a heck of a crazy drug. They CANNOT afford to slow down now that they indirectly put the town in danger.

In addition to that, Sans' shortcuts were incredibly useful. On usual circumstances, Papyrus would have considered Sans' shortcuts to be lazy, but here, they're actually exactly what they need. How else were they supposed to catch up to this MONSTER Papyrus had created?!

"how'd you suppose we stop that thing before it gets there?"

"I DON'T KNOW, MAGIC?!?? MAYBE WE COULD TRY AND MELT IT OR SOMETHING!"

"alright. blasters at the ready, then."

Sans summoned over a dozen Gaster Blasters. They were only about twice the size of Sans, and the boulder was getting larger and larger, but the heat generated from their blasts was enough to at least slow the boulder down a little bit. However, both brothers could tell that it wasn't enough.

"SANS, YOUR BLASTERS ARE TINY!!!"

"i know."

"WE NEED SOMETHING A LOT BIGGER THAN THAT!!"

With that, Papyrus called upon his OWN Gaster Blaster. It was about the size of the boulder itself, and its blasts of energy were powerful too. Unfortunately, due to Papyrus' broader range, the heat wasn't as effective as Sans' more precise blasters. The snowball only melted a little bit before it jammed itself into the jaw of Papyrus' blaster.

Thinking they've finally successfully stopped it, the brothers decided to take a break, both so Papyrus can catch his breath, and to celebrate.

"PHEW... HUFF... PUFF..." Papyrus smiled in relief. "SANS... WE DID IT."

"heh, and all this because we were being baby bones."

Papyrus' face fell. "TRUE..."

Aw, Sans can't stand to see Papyrus sad. "hey, um... i'm sorry i called you a bedwetter. you're not."

"I KNOW I'M NOT, SANS!!" Papyrus huffed. "AND BESIDES, THAT INSULT WAS SO PATHETIC IT'S NOT EVEN THE MAIN THING I GOT ANGRY ABOUT."

"really? then what was it?"

While the brothers were talking, the same cat Sans found earlier went up to the boulder curiously. Meanwhile, the weight of the boulder was slowly beginning to break Papyrus' blaster, along with Papyrus' exhaustion from running and his lack of concentration. Energy and concentration were very important when it comes to the strength of the attack, so Papyrus' doorstop of a blaster was already quite weak to begin with.

Sans was the first to notice the kitty. He gasped a bit. "no no no no no, paps, the kitty!"

"AAAAAAHHHH!!!" Immediately, Papyrus dove in to move the cat out of the way. He ended up faceplanting right next to it, though. Sans, who was on his back, picked up the cat and carefully climbed off Papyrus, moving a few feet away.

"there, there. it's okay, just don't go near that thing, alright?" Sans allowed the cat to sit in his lap, petting it gently. Oh, he better check on Papyrus. "hey, you ok, bro?"

The impact of Papyrus' fall was the final straw for the blaster.

Papyrus pulls himself to his knees.

"I THINK-" CRUNCH!! There goes the snow boulder, crushing Papyrus yet again and rolling down the cliff side! Only THIS time, Papyrus actually got caught INSIDE the snow, which left Sans alone to stop the boulder himself.

When Snowdin needed Sans the most... He can't afford to be lazy right now.

"crap. uhh, sorry, kitty." Sans placed the adorable kitten down (does it have an owner? If not, he could adopt it) and began to think.

"come on, sans, think, think. ugh, why did this have to happen in the only part of the woods that's more ice than woods? the trees should've stopped it by now!" He looked over the hill into the distance, only to find that... YES! There was still a bit of forest left before the bridge! That gave Sans an idea.

"trees, nets, sticks, twigs, leaves, weaves... alright. let's see if this works." Sans examined the makeshift net that he made. He built it just before the bridge to Snowdin Town, using nothing but blue magic to get the job done. He certainly hopes this will work, because it took the rest of his energy just to build this thing. Sans turns towards the cat. "whaddya think? you think this'll save my brother?"

The cat mews.

"do you think we'll get kicked outta town for this?"

Mew.

"yeah, same."

The boulders appears on the horizon.

"alright. showtime." Sans opens his left eye. Blue and yellow sparks fly around his otherwise empty eye socket, before manifesting into a magic pupil. He concentrates on the boulder, steadily slowing it down and guiding it towards the net. He could hear his brother screaming in there.

"SANS!!!!!!"

Come on, Sans, don't mess this up.

With a flick of his left hand, the boulder slows down enough to carefully place itself inside the makeshift net. Phase one: complete. Now onto phase two.

"watch out, bro." The smaller summons half a dozen blasters and starts using them to dig into the boulder.

"EEK!!!" Papyrus shrieked. "DON'T HIT ME WITH THAT!"

"it's okay. i won't." Sans continued concentrating. Concentrate...

Once his blasters reached the middle, they turned around and started cutting up the snow boulder from the inside, effectively turning it into cold sludge. Eventually, the boulder exploded, sending a cascade of ice and sludge towards Snowdin Town.

Sans didn't expect to be swept up in the sludge too. "ah!"

The brothers slid towards the bridge, where a couple of Snowdin residents were chatting. Luckily, the flood stopped just before it hit the bridge. Phew. Crisis averted.

"WHEW... PHEW..." What just happened? "WAIT... DID YOU JUST-"

"save the day? yup."

"WELL, I WAS ABOUT TO SAY DID YOU JUST BECOME LESS LAZY, BUT YEAH! THAT TOO!!"

That got a chuckle out of Sans. Hearing his brother laugh after today's events... Papyrus couldn't help but laugh too. Soon enough, the brothers were laughing so hard they hardly noticed that two Royal Guards were approaching them. Even the cat joined in by hopping onto Sans' ribs.

"hehehe... the cat lives."

Papyrus rolls his eyes, smiling. He stopped to find two imposing figures looming above the two. They were dog monsters. Giant dog monsters donning black cloaks and giant axes. This was quite possibly the coolest thing Papyrus had ever seen today.

Sans didn't find it so cool. "nice cosplay."

The male of the Dogi spoke. "It's not cosplay. We are the Royal Guard."

"THE ROYAL GUARD?" Sans observed a twinkle in Papyrus' eyes. "WOWIE... SO YOU FIGHT BAD GUYS AND STUFF?"

The female cut in. "(You could say that, but we haven't seen any "bad guys" in ages. What happened here?)"

"OH!!! SO SANS AND I WERE HAVING A SNOWMAN MAKING CONTEST, AND I WAS CLEARLY WINNING, SO SANS CALLED ME A BEDWETTER AND... AND UM... WE GOT A LITTLE BIT CARRIED AWAY."

As Papyrus recounted the entire story, Sans felt like facepalming. Despite Papyrus' attempts to impress the Royal Guard, he definitely knows that they're anything BUT impressed. Yup. They're definitely in trouble.

"...AND I DIDN'T ACCOUNT FOR THE HILL BEING SLANTED THE WRONG WAY, SO WHEN I LET GO, IT HURLED ITSELF TOWARDS SNOWDIN TOWN! SO I TRIED TO STOP IT WITH MY COOL SPECIAL ATTACK, BUT THEN THE CAT-"

"Um... Alright, alright. Thank you, we've heard enough." Dogamy sighed. Dogaressa wrapped an arm around him, which eased him a bit.

"(You do realise we now have to punish you two for putting the town in danger, right?)"

Papyrus blanched. "O-OH... WHAT'S THE PUNISHMENT?"

"honestly," Sans muses, lifting four large buckets of snow up with his magic. "i think we got off pretty lightly. community service isn't so bad."

"YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!" Papyrus proudly strutted around, carrying two large buckets of snow. "AND DID YOU SEE THEIR OUTFITS?! THEIR WEAPONS?! THE ROYAL GUARDS ARE SO COOL!!!"

Sans let out a chuckle. "yup. pretty COOL, right, bro?"

Papyrus groans. "GREAT, HERE ARE THE PUNS AGAIN. AND I THOUGHT I ESCAPED THEM TODAY."

"nope. never."

Papyrus groaned to himself. He'll never say it out loud, but he missed Sans' puns. "DON'T YOU EVER GET BORED OF TORMENTING ME EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE?"

Sans thought for a moment. "hmm. nah. but hey, what are brothers for at the end of the day?"

"THAT'S TRUE!!!" Papyrus recalled the day's events. "I'M SORRY I TOOK THINGS TOO FAR."

"yeah... i'm sorry too. that was fun, though, wasn't it? we should do it again sometime."

"YEAH!!! BUT... MAYBE I SHOULD LEAVE OUT THE WHOLE GIANT SNOW BOULDER THING."

"sounds good to me." An idea came to Sans' mind. A terrible idea, really. But it's worth it in Sans' opinion.

Papyrus started to dump out the ice buckets. A few seconds later, a snowball hits the back of his neck. "EEK!!!"

The poor skeleton turned around to find his brother laughing in his face. Oh, he thinks throwing snowballs at his brother is FUNNY? Well, he'll have hell to pay for that!! Seems like no matter what, brothers will still be brothers. What a way to end this eventful day.

"OH, YOU'RE ON!!!"

Chapter Text

"AHH... PERFECTION!"

Papyrus stood proudly, admiring his handiwork. The wall was looking rather spiffy! Sans was right, this muted, warm, cinnamon-like red really did make the place look ten times cozier! The cool dude wiped off sweat from his skull, smearing red paint on himself in the process.

"SANS, YOU WERE RIGHT! THIS RED DOES MAKE THE PLACE MORE..." He turned around, only to find that Sans wasn't standing where he was before. Wasn't he just rearranging the furniture with blue magic just a second ago? "SANS!!! DON'T SLACK OFF NOW! COME ON, WE HAVE A HOUSE TO REDECORATE!!!"

The sound of the fridge opening... Of course Sans was in the kitchen, why wouldn't he be? If Papyrus had eyelights like Sans, they would be rolling right now. After carefully placing his paintbrush in the tub of crimson paint, Papyrus stormed to the kitchen to find that, yep, Sans was raiding the fridge again. Un. Believable.

"SANS, DIDN'T YOU ALREADY HAVE BREAKFAST JUST TEN MINUTES AGO?! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?!"

Sans just staring attentively at the fridge. "bro, we've got a problem."

Papyrus doesn't have time for this! "WHAT IS IT?"

"the fridge is empty."

That gave Papyrus pause. Empty? He was sure he bought enough food to last two weeks. Have they really ran out already?

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE FRIDGE IS EMPTY?"

"exactly what i said. it's completely empty."

Okay, great. Now he has to check the fridge for himself.

Huh, Sans was right. The fridge was COMPLETELY empty!

"HEY!!! I THOUGHT WE BOUGHT ENOUGH!! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!"

Sans shrugged. "beats me."

Sans could see that Papyrus was suspecting him. His incredulous look was a DEAD give away. Or maybe even an UNDEAD give away. Heh.

"what?"

"...YOU'VE BEEN EATING AT NIGHT AGAIN, HAVEN'T YOU?"

Oh, crap.

"pfft, no... no!"

Papyrus could tell Sans was lying. The sweating, the sinking into his sweater... Yup, he was lying. Well, no use dwelling on that now. Looks like it's up to The Great Papyrus to go and get groceries... again.

The paint-covered brother facepalmed. "FINE. LOOKS LIKE I'LL HAVE TO GET GROCERIES. NO WORRIES!! I'LL TAP INTO OUR SAVINGS!!!"

"wait, but-" Before Sans could even finish his sentence, Papyrus was already digging through their sofa. They really needed a safer place to put their cash, honestly. Eh, he'll think of one later. As for now, Papyrus just needed to dig 26G out of the sofa-

Wait. 26G? That's it?!

"...SANS???!!???!?"

"uh, yeah?"

"WE ONLY HAVE 26G!!!"

"...ooh, boy."

"I KNOW!"

"we're screwed."

"I KNOW!!! HOW DID WE BLOW ALL OUR SAVINGS IN A WEEK?!?!"

"well, there was the paint... and the bills..."

"AND THE TAKEAWAYS..."

"and the fairy lights."

"AND THE NEW FURNITURE!"

"and don't forget your race car bed frame."

"WHY, YES! THAT TOO! ...SHOOT, DID WE REALLY SPEND THAT MUCH?"

"guess so."

It was then that Papyrus got an idea. A terrible, awful idea. He grinned mischievously. "YOU DO REALISE WHAT THIS MEANS, RIGHT?"

Oh, no... Sans already knows what's coming. He took a breath in anticipation. "we need to get a job..."

"DING DING DING DING!!!"

"nooooooooo..."

Ugh, seriously? Papyrus crossed his arms and stamped his foot, clearly annoyed with Sans' lazy attitude. "SANS, WE'VE BEEN PUTTING THIS OFF FOR A WEEK NOW!!"

"i know... well, we could go around to see if we can do odd jobs in town, i suppose. it's the least we could do after the snow boulder incident."

Papyrus blanched at the memory. Oh, yeah... The snowman competition slash war that almost went devastatingly wrong. How could he forget? But no matter! They can get back in the town's good graces! The Great Papyrus would never let almost burying the town in fresh snow stop him from making friends!!!

"EXCELLENT IDEA, SANS!!! WE CAN GO AROUND AND DO LITTLE JOBS AROUND TOWN FOR MONEY!!! I'M SURE SOMEONE OUT THERE'S WILLING TO HIRE US!! AFTER ALL, WHO COULD RESIST SUCH A HANDSOME, CLEVER, CHARISMATIC, GOOD-LOOKING, GENEROUS, COOL, STYLISH, BEAUTIFUL, BRILLIANT GUY LIKE ME?" Light was practically radiating off of Papyrus as he posed. Sans couldn't help but agree with Papyrus on that front. Then Papyrus remembered something. "OH, AND YOU, OF COURSE!"

Sans rolled his eyes and chuckled. He really didn't need Papyrus to include him like that, but it was the thought that counts. "yup. who could resist you and your ginormous head?"

"HEY!! I DON'T HAVE A GINORMOUS HEAD!!!"

Who was Sans to just strut past Papyrus after saying that?! He seriously wanted to rip that smug little grin off his face too.

"you have the biggest head i've ever seen." Sans grabbed the front door keys and turned to give Papyrus yet another Cheshire Cat-like grin.

The big-headed brother began to whine. "STOP IT, SANS!!!"

LIBRARBY

"SO, WHAT DO I DO FIRST?!?!" The bright-eyed skeleton peered at the unsuspecting librarian with sparkling puppy eyes, eager to get to work. He had WAY too much energy for Brarb's liking, though. Just hearing his voice gave them a headache. Oh, boy. This is gonna be a rollercoaster.

"Well, you could always organise the books." The cranky librarian sipped their third cup of coffee. They then continued in the calmest, most monotone voice they could muster at the moment. "Just make sure everyone is QUIET-"

"WILL DO!!! YOU CAN COUNT ON ME, MX LIBRARIAN!!! I WON'T LET YOU DOWN!!!" Papyrus' voice assaulted the poor librarian's eardrums. Gosh, this guy...

"You almost already have..."

"WOOPSY DOOPSY!! WELL, I WON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN!!!"

"Ugh..." They needed to lie down... on the desk... face first.

Papyrus spent the next two hours organising all the books by colour, all alphabetised by author AND title of the book (if necessary). He was pretty proud of his handiwork, but not surprised! After all, anything The Great Papyrus touches turns out both glamorous AND practical! It's just his specialised magic touch.

The proud skeleton hummed to himself, "WELL, THAT'S MY WORK DONE FOR TODAY! I WONDER WHAT ELSE LIBRARIANS DO?"

"Ssh!"

Papyrus whipped his head around to find a college student shushing him from the desk. Hmm... Librarians shush people, right? That's what they do all the time in cartoons. Maybe he should try it.

"SSH!"

The student gave Papyrus a look. "Ssh!"

Papyrus responded in turn. "SSH!!!"

"Ssh!"

"SSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

This was fun!

"Shush!"

"WELL, SHUSH TO YOU TOO!!!"

Even the two old ladies in the middle of the room joined in! "Ssh!"

Papyrus fell silent after that. What were those two old ladies doing? Crosswords??? If he had eyeballs, he would roll them so hard they'd pop out of his skull. (Come to think of it, he DOES have eyeballs. They just come out at random times... Weird.)

He can't believe those two would waste their time on something so easy! But nonetheless, he's curious about what other puzzles the ladies had to offer. So Papyrus scurried over.

"HELLO!!!" He beamed at them, puppy eyes in full effect again.

One of the old ladies, the slightly smaller one, looked up at Papyrus with a small smile. "Why, hello there, young one. You're quite lively, aren't you?"

"W-WHY, YES! THAT IS I! THE GREAT, LIVELY PAPYRUS!" Why did he feel awkward all of a sudden? "UM... ARE THOSE CROSSWORDS?"

The other old lady responded. "They're not just crosswords, they're all kinds of puzzles! Wordsearches, sudokus, junior jumbles for the kiddies..."

Papyrus lit up at that. "JUNIOR JUMBLE!!!"

"SSH!"

He attempted to keep a low volume. "JUNIOR JUMBLE? WHY, THAT'S MY FAVOURITE! I DECLARED THOSE TO BE THE MOST BONETROUSLING PAPER PUZZLES AGES AGO, BUT MY LAZYBONES BROTHER WON'T AGREE WITH ME!"

The old ladies chuckled. Oh, they know how to keep the excitable youth entertained. One of the ladies passed Papyrus a junior jumble. "Well, why don't you complete one for us? Show us how it's done."

The eager skeleton gladly accepted the piece of puzzling parchment. "OF COURSE! DESPITE IT'S SHEER DIFFICULTY, THERE IS NO JUNIOR JUMBLE THE GREAT PAPYRUS HASN'T CONQUERED!!!"

"Ssh!"

The next half an hour mostly consisted of Papyrus rambling about puzzles and completing Junior Jumbles. Working at the library is fun, Papyrus thought. That is, until Brarb came up to him again with a paint bucket and another assignment.

"Hey, since you're finished with the books, you mind repainting the sign outside?"

Papyrus being Papyrus, he immediately jumped at the opportunity. Literally. "OF COURSE I CAN!!! TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY, MY FRIEND!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS A VERY TALENTED ARTIST!!!"

One of the old ladies spoke up. "Oh, is he? Ooh, I'd love to meet him one day."

...

So apparently, what the librarian meant was paint over the faded sign with the word "LIBRARY". That should be easy enough. It's a task that sounded TOO simple for Papyrus' liking, but if it makes the librarian happy, he will do it. He only hoped that they would give him a harder task afterwards, like those Junior Jumbles.

Papyrus didn't need a ladder to reach the sign. Sure, it was pretty high up, but Papyrus' brilliant height of 5'4 (combined with his physics-defying abilities that allowed him to stand and walk on air) was more than enough for him to work effectively. Now...

Wait, how do you spell "library?"

Oh no, where's that lazybones when he needed him?! Sans had always helped Papyrus with spelling, especially when his dyslexia got in the way. And it appeared to be getting in the way right now. Gosh darn it! Oh, well. Looks like he'll have to improvise. Hopefully he'll get it close enough.

...

Was he having a laugh?

Brarb looked up at the handiwork Papyrus proudly stood in front of. They also silently wonder how he managed to get it so neatly without a ladder.

How did he write "LIBRARBY" without a ladder?!

Nonetheless, they had to pay this guy, right? Oh, jeez...

"SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? PRETTY IMPRESSIVE, RIGHT?"

This skeleton clearly craved praise. Why else would he be doing this? Brarb internally sighed and gave Papyrus a thumbs up. They were still clearly pissed off, though. Too bad Papyrus didn't detect it.

"I MUST SAY, I AM VERY IMPRESSED!!! BY MYSELF, OF COURSE!! LOOK AT ALL THE LETTERS, ARRANGED PERFECTLY AND NEATLY! I EVEN TRIED OUT A WHOLE DIFFERENT FONT! WHILE MY FONT EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS, I FIGURED IT WAS A LITTLE TOO EARLY TO GRACE THIS TOWN WITH MY-"

"Alright. Alright. Good... Nice one. Just... Here. Take the money and go." The librarian really can't handle this anymore. He stuffs a wad of cash into Papyrus' hands and pointed towards the street.

Papyrus gasped as a sudden realisation hit him. "DOES THIS MEAN... I DID SUCH A GOOD JOB THAT YOU DON'T NEED ME TO RETURN?!"

...Is this guy serious?

"Yes."

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!" With that, Papyrus took off, legs seemingly flailing in all directions as he ran. "THIS WAS JUST LIKE THE LAST TIME I WORKED AT A MOVIE THEATRE!!! ANOTHER SUCCESS FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS!!!"

As soon as Papyrus left, Brarb took another look at the sign. "LiBRARBy." Honestly, such a joke. Ugh... Guess they're just going to have to live with it now. At least those old ladies liked the skeleton.

GRILLIN' AT GRILLBY'S

"are you sure you don't have any jobs open?"

Despite the fact that Grillby had "told" Sans multiple times that there aren't any jobs open at Grillby's, he just couldn't seem to wrap his skull around it. After all, Grillby was running the place completely by himself! Surely he needed SOME assistance, right?

One of the monsters next to Sans (is he supposed to be a bird or a fish?) spoke in Grillby's behalf. "Grillbz said he's used to running the place by himself. He doesn't need help."

"bummer." Oh, well. Maybe Sans could look elsewhere. It was worth a shot. Eh, might as well order a burger while he's here. "hey, grillbz. i'll have an order of burg."

Grillby nodded and walked into the kitchen. He peeked inside the freezer and... Oh. No patties. That's a shame. Guess he'll have to go out and get some more. But there are still so many customers to tend to... Hold on a moment. Sans literally just asked if he needed help with the place! Was this a coincidence? A big one, perhaps, but not an unwelcome one. He turned back to Sans.

"sup?"

Before Sans could even process anything, Grillby quickly picked him up and swung him to the other side of the counter. This surprised everyone at the bar, including Sans himself. Sans wasn't exactly opposed to being picked up, given his short stature, but he never expected Grillby of all people to be this forward.

"uh, grillbz?" Grillby didn't even acknowledge him. He just placed Sans on the other side of the counter and left. Wow. Um... Okay!

Even the fish monster on the other side of the counter was flabbergasted. "Wow... He must've been in a hurry."

"tell me about it. he left in a BLAZE."

Uproarious laughter. Sans' favourite sound. Besides Papyrus' laughter, of course. Welp. Time to crack on with the drinks, he supposed.

Well, this is a cinch!

Ever since he stepped behind the bar, hearing everyone laugh and chat, making their drinks, doing magic tricks to impress them... Sans was overcome with a strange feeling. Was this... pride? Is he actually proud of himself right now?

Huh.

Sans hadn't felt pride in a long while. Not REAL pride, anyway. Sure, he gained a lot of satisfaction from drawing out reactions from people with his jokes, but this is a new type of pride. A pride for himself and the community. A pride that reminded him of how he felt back...

Don't think about it.

He turned to the next customer, a pale yellow bunny with swirly eyes. Sans had noticed her strange looks from afar for the past ten minutes now. She seemed nice enough, but some of her comments made him a bit uncomfortable.

"Heyyyyy, Sansy~" The bunny tapped her fingers on the table and flashed him a flirtatious smirk. "Fix me a drink, will ya, handsome?"

Oh, he didn't like that. He did NOT like that at all. Nonetheless, Sans grinned and started on her cocktail. Good thing he has keen observation skills, otherwise he would've had no idea what she'd have liked.

Making cocktails was like playing with magic, it seemed. You get to try out cool tricks, it's open to experimentation, and if it's done right, you can get incredible results!

Speaking of magic, Sans figured a trick was in order. With one quick snap of his fingers, the drink he made for Bun disappeared in a flash of blue light.

Bun gasped in shock. "Wait, Sansy~ Where's my drink?"

Oh, this was gonna be good. Sans turned to her and gave her the most mischievous grin. "it's on the house."

Cut to Bun's drink literally being on top of the roof.

Once again, uproarious laughter filled the bar. Whatever tension Sans would have had in this moment completely melted away from the sound. He closed his eyes to take it in some more.

"mmm..."

"BARK!"

Sans' eyes flew open at the sound of a dog barking. Oh, and what do you know? There's a dog right in front of him! In armour... Must be a Royal Guard.

"aw, hey, buddy. want some pets?"

"BORK!"

"there ya go. just FUR you." It's a matter of principle, in Sans' eyes. A dog wants pets, you give him pets. That should be a law. No, THE law!

If he ever gets the chance to meet the king, he will- Wait, who's crying?

Sans looked to the side to see a small mouse monster sobbing on one of the tables. Oh, jeez. This just got awkward. Where's Papyrus when you need him? He'll know what to say in situations like this. All Sans has are jokes! Well... He'll try his best anyway.

"um," Sans scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "you good?"

The mouse lifts her head up. "No... It's just... seeing you with that dog... reminds me of my own dog that p-passed away..."

Oh. Oh, crap. Sans couldn't help but think he messed up somehow. Quick, try to salvage it!

"oh, jeez. i'm sorry about that." His fingers tapped the table in rhythm. "hey, uh, it's okay to be sad. it sucks when your..." Don't say it, please don't say it! "doggone?"

The mouse cried even harder. Sans, you moron, you messed up another interaction! Can't you do something right for once?!

"sorry! sorry, i mean... uh... sorry to hear that. heh." The mouse just cried harder. Yup, might as well just take a step back before you ruin it even further, Sans.

He figured sliding a drink over would be enough to help. Jeez, Sans, can't you do anything without screwing it all up??!!

Soon, Sans' self-reprimanding was interrupted by the startling sound of a door flying open. The culprit? A little squid-like monster with an odd shape, a cell phone, and a face that Sans would describe as, for a lack of a better word, ugly. He doesn't even have clothes on! He should at least have the decency to put clothes on, right? Well, Sans supposed that would be difficult, considering the shape of his body. It must be really hard to find the correct size. Or... shape?

Either way, Sans has a really bad feeling about this monster.

And once again, his intuition was quickly proven right, because this monster... wasn't pleasant. Not at all.

"Oh my goooood-uh!" Yeesh, this monster had the most grating, snotty-nosed voice ever. Sans almost regretted leaving his ear defenders at home.

The fish monster nearby seemed to agree with Sans' gut instinct. "Ugh, it's Jerry..."

"jerry, huh?"

"Oh, haha. I forgot you're still new. Jerry is... well..."

The bird monster piped in. "The most wretched monster in Snowdin? A total butt-munchkin? A completely irredeemable pri-"

FISH SLAP! "Yeah, that!"

Sans blinked in understanding. Huh. Turns out he IS bad news. He better keep his guard up. Oh, he's here.

"Hey, where is Grillby?!" Jerry kept slapping his greasy tentacles on the counter. Welp, guess Sans isn't touching that ever again. And of course, lucky Sans, he has to serve this guy. What a day.

Sans took a nonchalant stance as he addressed him. "he's out getting supplies. whaddya want?"

"Ugh, seriously? On the one day where I need a burger fix! Honestly, Grillby has some nerve ditching ME!"

Sans held back an eye roll.

"Hey, new guy! At least make a decent drink, will ya?!"

"alright, alright. don't getcha tentacles in a twist."

"Was that a SLIGHT?!"

"ever so slightly."

"(Grumble grumble...)"

Sans chuckled to himself as he starts making a drink for him. He glanced at the mustard. Hmm... Perhaps he could... No. No. Good customer service, Sans. Come on.

Once Sans slid over the drink, Jerry took one sip... And immediately did a spit take directly onto him. Sans... didn't even flinch.

"Disgusting!! Grillby would've made something better than that!! Are you even PERMITTED to serve drinks?! How old are you?!"

Sans wondered what the minimum age for serving drinks at a bar in the underground is. Now that he thought about it, he might be slightly too young, being 19 and all. Welp. This knock-off Squidward meme clone didn't have to know that. He needed his paycheck.

Actually, now that he's looking at him, Sans wonders if he should've ID'd Jerry first. At first glance, he looks much older than Sans. I mean, come on, look at his wrinkles! But on the other hand, he seems to possess the maturity of a 12 year old who just lost at a shoot-'em-up video game. Wait, why does he look offended?

"Pfft-" Why is the fish monster laughing?!

"hold up, did i just say that out loud?"

Jerry bore directly into Sans. Cold. Self-righteous. Fury. "This place has absolutely NO class! There's no burgers, the light is hurting my eyes, and you're the rudest bartender I've ever seen! I bet you're not even a real bartender! You're just a... a-a joke! A sick! Joke!"

"sorry to hear that, buddy. but hey, thanks for the positive review. if there's one thing i know, it's that people really like jokes. too bad you can't take one, though."

Jerry gasped like an anime girl. Cringe...

"I can take a joke! In fact, I can take YOU out right here! I bet you can't even throw a bullet three feet from where you're standing!"

Of course, the fish monster had to step in once again. "Pfft, Jerry, since when have you learned to fire bullets?"

That does it!

Jerry exploded. "SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING BUT BE A WASTE OF SPACE?! I can't believe this! First Grillby left, then THIS skinless freak makes the worst drink ever, then YOU!!! Ew, I swear, you look SO ugly just sitting there with your gut out! I bet when you're not here, you sit inside all day playing COD, you no-life no-chance weirdo!"

Oh, no. Sans' eyes narrowed at the exchange. It's one thing to act like a jerk in front of the "staff". It's another to attack a fellow customer.

Bun spoke up. "Hey, come on, Jerryyyyyy... Don't bring down the mooooooooood..."

"Oh, you wanna talk about moods, fuzzle butt?"

"Hey! My *hic* BEHIND is none of your business!" Bun turned to Sans. "But it can be yours, Sansy~"

Sans laughed nervously and recoiled. Ooh, not today. Not ever.

Of course, that didn't stop Jerry's constant harassment of the customers.

"Ugh, is there seriously NO signal in here?" Jerry waved his phone around willy-nilly before pushing one of the dogs out of the way. "Move! I need better signal!"

Sans can't help but feel bad for poor Lesser. Seeing her whimper on the floor like that...

...

Sans allowed his eyelights to fully fade away. Enough is enough.

With a snap of his fingers, all the lights went out, except for one, directed at Jerry. The wrinkled monster was taken aback by this. Looking around, he can see that everyone was shocked by this development. Since when can this skinless freak do THAT?

Speaking of the skinless freak... His previously jovial demeanour had completely vanished, replaced with this intimidating, eerie aura. Just one blink, and the skeleton is right behind him. How did he get here so fast? What is this feeling? Why is he sweating? Why does the new guy look unnatural all of a sudden?! What is this?!

"hey, buddy. you got some nerve pushing around the other customers like that, don'tcha?"

Jerry swallowed but stood his ground. "Yeah, so what?"

A flicker of the light, and the skeleton is right next to the stools. How?! He didn't even move???

"you know... people like to come to grillby's to decompress. to get away from the stresses of modern life. they don't need any hostility."

Another blink. Another position.

"so i'm gonna need you to play nice, alright?"

No. He won't back down to this freak show of a monster. He's better than that. "And what if I don't?"

That elicited a dark chuckle. Oh, jeez.

"if you don't? to be blunt, buddy... Y o u ' r e g o n n a h a v e a b a d t i m e ."

...

Jerry blew a raspberry in defiance.

Not even a second later, the squid-like being was flying out of the door, directly into the ice and snow.

The other patrons, who hadn't had the chance to see what was fully going on, gaped at Sans. Sans himself didn't pay their looks no mind. He just casually went back behind the counter and stood there, like nothing happened.

"anyway, where were we? ...what's with those looks?"

None of the patrons said anything, but they were all definitely thinking the same thing.

This new guy... is BADASS.

And it seemed like Grillby knew it too, because he came back in with a prideful look in his eye, like a mentor watching his student complete his final challenge with flying colours, or something along those lines.

Without a word, Grillby passed Sans 50G.

Sans smiled at the money for a moment, wondering what the heck was going on. That's when one of the patrons spoke up.

"Grillby wanted to thank you for taking care of his business. And for putting up with Jerry."

And another. "Yeah, you did amazing, Sans!"

"Tell me about it~"

"Bark!"

Sans felt a warm feeling bubble inside his ribcage. "aw, hehe... thanks, guys."

What a nice place. Sans should really consider coming here more often. Maybe for every meal, or even every half meal. Either way, it's only been about a week, and already Sans felt like a part of the family.

And if Sans knew anything about family, it's that they stick to each other, no matter what.

A PIECE OF CAKE

Finally! Just one more dollop of butternut cream, and Cottin Cinnabun's Cookies And Cream Cake was complete!

The purple rabbit stood back to admire her handiwork. This client of hers was in for a real treat! Now all she has to do is deliver it! And to Cottin, that's just a day's work.

Ring ring! Whoops! Looks like Cottin had another customer to tend to. Not just one, but two. Two skeletons... Oh, of course! She was wondering about those two. At least now she had the chance to meet them for real.

The taller skeleton spoke up. "HELLO, MISS CINNAMON BUNNY, MA'AM!! IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS!!" And he delightfully pushed the smaller skeleton in front of him. "AND THIS IS MY BROTHER!!! HE MAY BE LACKADAISICAL, BUT I PROMISE YOU, HE'S A SWEETHEART!"

"laying it on a bit thick there, buddy. hey. i'm sans. sans the skeleton."

Well... This was certainly interesting. Cottin leaned against the counter, smirking and crossing her arms.

"Nice to meetcha. Is there anything you need?"

The smaller skeleton started scratching his neck. "yeah, uh, we were wondering if you have any jobs for us. y'know, like... for gold 'n' stuff."

Oh. Well, that was unexpected. But then again, it's understandable. These two did just move in, after all.

"Well, I don't really have any jobs open to you right NOW, but if you want, I can-"

"ARE YOU SURE?! WE ARE VERY HELPFUL SKELETONS!!! WE CAN BE YOUR FRIENDS!!! YOUR PALS!!! YOUR RIGHT HAND MEN!!!! WELL, I CAN BE THE RIGHT HAND, SANS CAN BE THE LEFT HAND!! AND YOU CAN BE.. UM... THE LEGS??? IS THAT HOW IT WORKS???"

Cottin chuckled. Man, this guy has so much energy.

"Nah, sorry, Papyrus. I just have to make a delivery, but that's about it."

"really? you don't want to have someone watch the store for you?"

Cottin shook her head. Both skeletons seemed to deflate a bit, one a lot more noticeable than the other. Aww, poor kids... The rabbit turned to the box on the counter. It was right next to the other empty boxes. Hmm... Maybe they could do something for her.

Just as the brothers turned to leave, Cottin called out to them. "Hey, boys?"

The boys turned around. "uh huh?" "YEAH?"

"Say... You know, I have this cake to deliver, and if it's not much trouble at all..."

Papyrus lit up first. "OH MY GOSH!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU" He just went on like this!

"alright, buddy, that's enough," Sans chuckled. Cottin's confident smile noticeably formed into something warmer. She supposed it was the effect of watching a good sibling relationship thrive.

Papyrus cleared his throat before talking, "WHERE DO YOU WANT US TO TAKE IT?"

Cottin proceeded to point towards the address on the label. "103 Icicool Street. Think you can handle that?"

"no problemo." Sans gave the rabbit lady a thumbs up.

"YEAH!! IT'LL BE A PIECE OF CAKE!!!"

"Well, let's just hope you manage to take the WHOLE cake, alright, boys?"

"O-OF COURSE!!! THE WHOLE CAKE!!!"

Cottin nodded. Yeah, she has faith in these two. "Cool. Whatever tips you get, you can keep." She grabbed her keys and started heading out the door. "I gotta go."

"WHAT?! WHERE?!"

"To see my nibling. They've got a surprise for me. See ya."

And just like that, Cottin was gone. That meant Papyrus had to take charge.

"ALRIGHT, SANS!!! 103 ICICOOL STREET!! MEMORISE IT!!"

"memorising..."

Without looking, Papyrus picked up a box from the side. "ALRIGHT!! LET'S DO THIS!!! SKELEBROS, SKELEGO!!! WAIT, I MIGHT NEED TO CHANGE THAT..."

The streets are notoriously quiet today. It would have freaked the boys out if Snowdin wasn't such a peaceful town. Instead, it was just a nice stroll around the corner. Easiest delivery ever.

And that's what made it so BORING! Sans thought he needed to spice things up a bit.

"sooooooo... can i see the cake?"

Papyrus held the box away from Sans. "WHAT?! NO!! IT'S NOT FOR YOU, IT'S FOR THE CUSTOMER!!"

"come on, i promise i won't eat it."

"YOU DEFINITELY WILL!!!"

Sans feebly tried to reach up. "c'mon, i wanna see!"

With his superior height, Papyrus easily held the box away from the short skeleton. "NO!!! IF YOU WANT A CAKE, WE CAN BUY ONE AFTERWARDS!!!"

"please? i won't lick it or anything."

"YOU DON'T HAVE A TONGUE!!!"

"exactly, so i won't lick it."

"SANS-" Papyrus felt the box slowly falling out of his hand. The few moments between Papyrus dropping the box and it hitting the ground felt like it was going in slow motion.

POOF!

Both brothers stared at the box in horror. Oh god, what have they done?!

Papyrus fell to his knees and cried to whatever god was watching them. "NOOOOOO!!! WHYYYYY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!??!"

Sans sighed, both out of guilt for causing this mess in the first place, and on Papyrus' half because really? Why did he have to make such a scene?

"maybe they wouldn't mind a squashed cake."

"NO, SANS!!! IT'S RUINED!!!"

"let's just try to do damage control, okay?"

When Sans lifted the box, he found it was a lot... lighter than what he was expecting. Huh. Strange. Wonder why that is.

He opened the box. Oh.

It's empty.

Papyrus gasped in shock. "WHERE'S THE CAKE?!?!?!"

"huh. must've picked up the wrong box by mistake."

"HOW COULD I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, PICK UP THE-"

Yet another one of Papyrus' theatrics got cut off by the peculiar sight of a dog. But not just a dog. A dog with what looks like a cake sitting neatly on his back. Uh oh.

"is that..."

"...THE CAKE?"

...

"how??????" "HEY, GET BACK HERE!!!"

Thus began a wild goose chase... Well, more like a wild DOG chase. The sight was pretty silly, with two skeletons chase a dog with a cake on his back. In addition, Sans constantly kept bumping into the few people that were roaming the streets.

Bump! "sorry!" Bump! "sorry!"

Papyrus is fully aware that Sans is no athlete, but did he really have to be so clumsy NOW???

"SANS!!! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOI-" CRASH! Speak for yourself, Papyrus. You just crashed into a tree. And smashed into the ground on impact.

Sans approached the tree and patted it. "sorry."

"GROAN..." As the taller skeleton dusted off the snow, he took the time to look around for the dog and the lost cake. "WHERE IS THAT MEDDLING CANINE?!"

"uhh, bro?" Papyrus glanced at Sans, who was pointing upwards. Huh. He looked up. Oh, there's the dog. Sitting on the branch, next to the cake.

"HEY!!! DOG!!! I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM YOU THAT THAT CAKE IS NOT YOURS!!! IT IS FOR OUR COOL CLIENT!!! SO I IMPLORE YOU, PLEASE GET DOWN AND RETURN THAT CAKE TO US!!!"

The dog doesn't respond. Papyrus huffed and clenched his fists. This dog...

"HEY!!! CANINE!!! I SAID GET DOWN!!!!!!"

Still no response. Papyrus wished he had hair so he could rip it out!

"HEY!!!!!!!!"

"relax, bro. maybe we could get it down with a treat."

"YES, THAT'S AN EXCELLENT IDEA!! HMM..." Papyrus tapped his foot and scratched his chin, trying to come up with an idea. "WHAT DO DOGS LIKE?"

Sans shrugged. "bones?"

"AHA! YES! BONES!"

It's a good thing they're skeletons! Papyrus summoned a fine-looking femur bone with his magic. Surely, this will work!

"HERE, POOCHIE POOCHIE POOCHIE!! I'VE GOT A TASTY BONE FOR YOU!!!"

All that got the dog to do was tilt his head.

"...NADA."

"maybe we should put a little meat on it?"

"EWW!!! I AM NOT CONTAMINATING MY PRECIOUS BONES WITH RANCID MEAT!!!"

"sigh... fine. i'll do it." With a flick of his eye, Sans disappeared... and then reappeared! This time with a juicy burger that honestly made Papyrus want to throw up. But if it works, it works.

Sans carefully skewers it with a thinner bone, and holds it out like a giant lollipop. "here, boy! want a juicy burger? it's on the house. well, no. it's on the bone.

The annoying dog tilts his head to the side and sniffs curiously. This action knocked the cake to the side a little.

"wait wait wait, stop stop stop!" The dog stopped. Sans sighed in relief. "okay, pap. make sure to stay under the cake, alright? be ready to catch it."

"I KNOW, SANS!!" Papyrus stood under the branch with his arms wide. "I'M READY!!!"

A team effort! Sans lured the dog down with the burger, and Papyrus...

SQUEAK!

...caught the dog toy?

"WAIT A MINUTE..." Just to make sure he got this right, Papyrus inspected every inch of this so-called "cake." It looked awfully realistic for a dog toy. "THIS ISN'T THE CAKE!!! THIS IS JUST A DOG TOY!!! NYEH!!!" He slammed it to the ground in a huff.

"really?"

"YES!!!"

"seriously?"

"YES, REALLY SERIOUSLY!!! WE WERE CHASING A DOG FOR ITS TOY!!!"

"oh." Sans chuckled and gave the toy back to the dog. "sorry, little buddy. we're idiots."

"YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!!"

"we're idiots."

"NOT LITERALLY!!!"

So if the cake was a lie, that must mean...

"WAIT!!! WHAT ABOUT THE REAL CAKE?!"

"like i said before, it must be back at the shop. you must've taken an empty box by mistake. say, how come you didn't notice earlier?"

"WELL, BROTHER, AS YOU KNOW, THE GREAT PAPYRUS' MUSCLES ARE VERY LARGE AND STRONG!! CARRYING A CAKE BOX IS LIKE CARRYING A FEATHER!!! I BARELY FELT A THING!!"

Okay, that got a chuckle out of Sans. Papyrus never wasted an opportunity to show off his "muscles". Well, that only left one thing to do.

The trip back to the shop was pretty uneventful, as was actually grabbing the real cake box and travelling back to Icicool Street.

Sure, the door was locked, but it was nothing a little shortcut couldn't fix. And just like that, the brothers were back on track, with no funny (bone) business this time. It wasn't the first time the brothers had goofed during a job, and it certainly wouldn't be the last, but this time, they were working as a team.

When they finally arrived at 103 Icicool Street, it was a huge relief for the brothers. The cake wasn't messed up, there were no shenanigans. It was all smooth sailing from here.

Papyrus proudly knocked on the door.

...

And someone answered???

"Ahh, what a beautiful knock...Maybe if I don't answer, I'll hear it again."

...

Papyrus knocked it again, hesitant this time.

...

"Ahh, my patience rewards me."

Sans chuckled a little, but Papyrus could tell he was a little nervous. "uh, looks like patience isn't rewarding us right now."

If Papyrus had any form of pupils... Can he just get pupils??? "I'LL SAY."

A small voice called out.

"I'll take it in."

Sans and Papyrus were momentarily startled by the tiny voice. They look down to discover a tiny little rock monster! Sans cautiously placed the cake on top of the tiny rock.

"Thank you. Papa will be pleased."

The tiny rock goes inside. A few moments later, 20G slid through the flap and plummeted to the ground. How generous!

All the brothers had to do was look at each other and they knew... That they were definitely not knocking on this door again unless they really have to.

Back at the shop...

"28, 29 and 30!" Sans knew that the residents of Snowdin were generous, but not THIS generous! Nonetheless, it seems like Cottin didn't pay much mind to it. Heh... pay. "There you go, boys. That should help with the next month. Although you two should probably get real jobs soon."

Huh, turns out Papyrus was right about being truthful about their situation. They did discuss this on the way back, but still.

"hey, thanks. you really didn't have to do this. any of this. it was just a delivery."

"Oh, no, of course! It was no problem on my behalf. Besides, that one delivery must have worn you two out already, seeing as Papyrus is covered in snow."

Whoops! "I-I-I... UH... WELL... IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" The overconfident skeleton puffed out his chest. "UM... I WAS ACTUALLY WONDERING SOMETHING..."

"Oh, you're wondering something, huh?"

Papyrus appeared to deflate a little. He had been thinking about this on and off for most of the day...

"UM... DO YOU... HATE US??"

"...Huh?"

Papyrus began to fidget with his scarf anxiously. "WELL, EVER SINCE THE SNOWBALL INCIDENT, I'VE STARTED THINKING. I CAME HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS, AND OBVIOUSLY, I WOULD STILL BE A REALLY COOL FRIEND!!! BUT... UM... I KNOW I CAN GET A BIT CARRIED AWAY SOMETIMES... A-AND I KNOW IT'S JUST HOW I AM, B-BUT IF YOU'RE STILL WILLING TO HAVE US HERE, I PROMISE, I'LL TRY MY ABSOLUTE HARDEST TO-"

Cottin out up her hands to placate the anxious skeleton. "Wait wait wait! Hold on, relax! It's okay, nobody hates you two!"

Sans perked up. "really? we're not gonna get kicked outta town or anything like that?"

Oh god, where were they getting these ideas from? "No, no! We forgave you for the avalanche, it's fine!"

Neither skeleton looked particularly convinced. Suppose Auntie Cottin has to fix things.

"Look, you two. Before you came to town, life was very, uh, what's the word... boring. That avalanche last week was the most exciting thing that ever happened to Snowdin, at least in my lifetime, anyway. You two really know how to spice up our lives."

Cottin turned to Papyrus. "I saw what you did to the library's sign. It was pretty funny. And the ladies seem to really like your enthusiasm for puzzles."

Then Sans. "And Bun came in and told me all about how you handled Jerry earlier. That was really cool, if I do say so myself."

Cottin observed the brothers' reactions. They seemed to have perked up a bit. Well, time for the kicker.

"What I'm trying to say is, you two breathed new life into Snowdin in ways that we couldn't possibly imagine. And there's no way we're gonna get rid of you, or hate you, or anything like that. And you know, I'm more than happy to help with your rent and food situation. If it means you two can get back on your feet."

That speech... That sent a warm feeling through both the brothers' souls. Sans' smile appeared warmer and more genuine, and Papyrus' eyes practically sparkled from unshed tears. They like them! They're not gonna get kicked out! This is amazing!

Papyrus wiped his eyes. "THANK YOU, MISS!!!"

"Cottin. Call me Cottin."

"THANK YOU, MISS COTTIN!"

"Hey, what's an auntie for?"

Sans tittered.

"...You still need to get a job, though."

"yeah, we know."

The next day, Papyrus decided to practice some ice skating, when he caught the sight of... Were those the rotting crates he performed that song on? And what was Sans doing behind them?

He skated over. "HEY, BROTHER!!! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?!"

Sans leaned against the "counter". "selling some hotdogs. they sell fast. do you want one?"

"NO!!! I DON'T LIKE GREASE, YOU KNOW THAT!!! DO YOU EVEN HAVE A PERMIT FOR THAT HOTDOG STAND??"

"wait, you need a permit?"

Oh, my Asgore... Papyrus groaned and facepalmed at Sans' ignorance. He knows how clever Sans is, so why...?

He clasped his hands together and gestures towards Sans. "SANS... THAT'S ILLEGAL."

"eh, it's not illegal if you don't get caught."

"WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT???"

"dunno, just a quote i heard."

"OH MY GOD... WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO MAKE HOT DOGS?"

"i didn't. i just found these water sausages and decided to make hot dogs out of it."

"SANS, THAT'S CALLED SCAMMING PEOPLE!!!"

"hey, they pay the bills. and it's already popular."

Hmm... Under normal circumstances, Papyrus wouldn't allow this to happen. But since it's all they have right now...

"FINE. I WON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR DISHONEST SCAM."

"thanks, buddy. by the way, you found a job yet?"

Hmm, now that is a question... A question Papyrus has to think about. He gazed into the distance, where a lone sentry station sat. It was surrounded by used dog treats. Seems like someone had been smoking them.

"papyrus?"

Papyrus was too lost in thought to answer. The sentry station...

"papyrus?"

Chapter Text

"where is it, where is it, where is it... aha!" Sans had finally found it. A simple cake recipe. Sure, he's never baked a day in his life, but he'll give it a shot. After all, what's the harm in trying something new?

Apron (that's way too big for him) on! Flour in! Butter in! Milk in! Eggs...

"wait, did that say two eggs or three eggs?" Sans read the page again. "two." He proceeded to crack one egg... by slamming it into the bowl, shell and all. As for the other egg, well... Let's just say the yolk was on him.

And he ran out of eggs.

"...one egg!"

The next thing he needed was salt. No problem! He just had to look in the cupboards and... There was no salt. Is vinegar a good substitute for salt? Welp, guess Sans is about to find out! In it goes!

Next is sugar! Sans put a couple of teaspoons of the stuff in. Hmm... Perhaps some more sugar would be nice. He decided to have a little taste.

"num num... BLECH!" Welp! Guess he found the salt! Sans completely forgot about that salt prank. Wait, then the sugar must be in the fridge. Don't ask.

Sans opened the fridge and... yep, there it was. In it goes!

"hopefully it can cover up the salt taste... okay, all i need now is vanilla and..." Sans spotted the vanilla on the top shelf. Curse his tiny legs! Luckily, it's nothing blue magic couldn't handle.

He snapped his fingers and... It was stuck. Ugh, that meant he had to climb up and get a better look. Sans started climbing the counter. Unfortunately, he failed to notice the bowl of strong-smelling batter right beside him. Before he could comprehend it, Sans slipped on the bowl off the counter. Unfortunately, the batter came down with him.

Direct hit!

"oww..." Sans groaned, covered in vinegar-scented cake batter. Him being the lazybones that he is, he remained there for five minutes before it started soaking through his yellow shirt. The lumpy liquid was already too much for Sans' bones to bear. He desperately needed a shower.

Sans inspected the kitchen. Wow, the batter really went everywhere, huh. Oh, well. He'll clean it up later... with Papyrus' help, of course. Speaking of Papyrus, he might as well tell him about the carnage that happened here.

The young skeleton trudged up the stairs with cake batter dripping along in a trail behind him. As he peeked inside Papyrus' room, he can see Papyrus looking for jobs on the computer. Ah, yes. The old computer they found in the basement and fixed up. Speaking of fixing things up, the little skeleton took the time to admire the progression of Papyrus' bedroom. His race car bed in particular looks really cool from where he's standing. He almost envied it.

Uh, what was Sans doing again? Oh, yeah, telling Papyrus about the- What about the job, though?

"hey, bro, how's the job search coming along?"

"NO." Papyrus didn't even turn around to look at Sans, but the latter paid no mind to it. Instead, Sans decided to take a step closer, to really get a good look at Papyrus' cool bedroom.

"nobody accepted you yet?"

"IT'S NOT THAT!! I JUST FEEL LIKE A GUY AS COOL AS ME SHOULD HAVE A REALLY COOL AND POPULAR JOB, THAT'S ALL!!"

"you know pretty much any job on that website would guarantee you friends, right?"

"NO, IT'S NOT A GUARANTEE! I NEED A SUPER COOL JOB THAT WILL GET US THROUGH THE MONTH!! AND TO SHOW OFF HOW AWESOME I AM!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS, BROTHER?"

"well, there might be some job listings on undernet. people cry for help all the time on there. teaching assistants, sentries, helping out at the bakery..."

"UNDERNET? YOU MEAN THE UNDERGROUND'S NUMBER ONE SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM?"

Papyrus turned to Sans and squinted skeptically. Looks like Sans would have to put his "big brother" boots on. Without hesitation, Sans come up to Papyrus and stood by his side, looking over his shoulder at the screen.

"pass." Papyrus hands over the mouse. Despite struggling a little bit with his right hand, Sans managed to navigate Papyrus towards Undernet. Papyrus squinted at the screen once again, skeptical as ever.

"I HAVE MY DOUBTS, BROTHER. FROM WHAT I HEARD OF SOCIAL MEDIA, IT'S FULL OF POLITICS AND FILTERS AND FLAME WARS EVERY FIVE SECONDS."

Sans chuckled a bit. Papyrus wasn't wrong. "yeah, people can be a bit, well, intense. but y'know, you can have fun on it too. sometimes people like to post goofy videos or pictures of their pets or show off their art... or even let people know that they're hiring. it's not the most reliable, sure, but the message is more widespread here, since everyone uses undernet."

Papyrus perked up. "EVERYONE?"

"yyyyup."

"AND DO THEY ALL... MAKE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER?"

"yyyyyeah, you can make friends online."

That flicked a switch. "WOWIE!!! SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS, IF I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, MAKE A COOL SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNT, I CAN GET ALL THE FOLLOWERS I WANT, AND FINALLY BE POPULAR?"

"uhh, i mean... i guess. want some help setting it up?"

"ALRIGHT!! LET'S SIGN UP TO SOCIAL MEDIA!!!"

This was great! Papyrus could finally make all the friends he could ever want, and he didn't even have to leave the house to do it! As for his account, he decided to give it a simple, yet powerful name. "COOLSKELETON". Now THAT should do it!

"and bada bing bada boom... you got your account."

Papyrus' eyes lit up at the empty page. Sure, he had the default banner and profile picture, but Papyrus can easily fix that with a couple of cool selfies of his own! The rapid pitter-patter of his feet on the ground in his chair was a testament to his excitement.

"I LOVE IT!!! NOW I CAN SHOW MY TRUE, COOL SELF TO ALL THE UNDERGROUND!!! THANK YOU, SANS!!"

"hey, no problem. what are brothers for?" Sans placed a batter-covered hand on Papyrus' shoulder. Papyrus cringed at the smell.

"SANS... ARE YOU COVERED IN CAKE BATTER?"

Sweat dripped down Sans' skull... Or was it batter?

"oh, uh..."

"WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE VINEGAR?"

"uhh... cake?"

"TAKE A SHOWER!!!!!!"

The next day began with Papyrus pacing up and down his bedroom, excitement thrumming in his mind, body and soul. His mind is running a million miles an hour, trying to think of something really great for his first impression on social media. What screams "THE GREAT PAPYRUS"?

"HMM... WELL, I COULD SHOW OFF MY INCREDIBLE PUZZLE PROWESS!! NOBODY COULD EVER BEAT ME IN JUNIOR JUMBLE!! ...NO, THAT'S NOT SPECIAL ENOUGH. PERHAPS I COULD MAKE A VIDEO, AND SHOW OFF MY AMAZING SINGING VOICE!! HMM... THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA, BUT IT TAKES TIME TO WRITE A SONG AS AMAZING AS MY LAST ONE!! AS AMAZING AS MY SONG IS, I THINK AN EVEN COOLER SONG WOULD MAKE QUITE AN IMPRESSION! UGH, BUT THAT TAKES SO MUCH TIME!!!" He stomped on the ground in frustration. "MAYBE I SHOULD JUST KEEP IT SIMPLE! A SIMPLE SELFIE!! AFTER ALL, I STILL NEED THE PERFECT PROFILE PICTURE!!!!!"

After fiddling around with the lighting and the camera angle, Papyrus snapped a perfect picture of himself with his trademark confident expression.

"AAAAAAND POST!!!" Blink! Papyrus was officially a social media influencer!!! Wait, that's how it works, right?

A few hours later, Papyrus was still sitting on his brand new, beautiful, red race car bed, bouncing his leg up and down, watching and waiting very intensely, just for one like, one view, one ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of his cool picture!

And finally, it happened.

One like.

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!! FINALLY!!! A FRIEND AT LAST!!!"

And a comment!

"OOH!! A COMMENT!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! AN INTERNET FRIEND AT LONG LAST! I WONDER WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY ABOUT MY STYLE!!"

He opens the comment section and... The comment was in all lowercase. In a goofy font.

'u look inverteGREAT'

...

The sound of a phone flying through the window and a cat screeching reverberated the street for the next few moments.

Papyrus needs a new phone now.

Why hasn't Sans told him anything about the wonderful world of chatrooms? People from across the Underground indulging in their interests was exactly the thing Papyrus needed to make everlasting connections and lifelong friendships!

"I WONDER IF THERE IS A PUZZLE CHATROOM... OR PERHAPS EVEN A CHATROOM ABOUT CARS!!??!" He had been really getting into cars lately. It got to the point where he literally dreams about driving a car down a highway... When he sleeps. Which is almost never.

But that's another good thing the internet is for! Finding car enthusiasts like Papyrus! A quick search on the computer is all it took to find one. Papyrus sent out a request to be invited in, and a few minutes later, he was accepted! He could jump for joy, this is great!!!

Now, how to engage? Perhaps a simple question would be enough.

COOLSKELETON: 'SO, WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE CAR?'

Papyrus bounced his knee in anticipation for the replies. Until finally, one came.

LionLicker219: 'Obv supercar, they're the coolest'

COOLSKELETON: 'WOWIE!!!'

lookatmyhat02: 'Nah their kinda overrated'

lookatmyhat02: 'I say convertible. Plenty of room for giant hats'

COOLSKELETON: 'I LOVE GIANT HATS!!

Sn0w3: 'YOURE WRONG! YOU HAVENT SEEN A REAL CAR UNTIL YOU SEEN AN SUV! HAVE YOU SEEN HOW MANY PEOPLE IT CAN CAR-RY?'

Papyrus internally groaned. That pun was even worse than Sans' jokes. But this is about making friendships, so he let it slide.

lookatmyhat02: 'That joke was worse than youre mama's butcheeks'

Sn0w3: 'WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOM?????? HELLO??????'

Sn0w3: 'ILL HAVE YOU KNOW MY MOM LOVES MY JOKES'

lookatmyhat02: 'Wow ur mom must be broken then lol'

Okay, Papyrus can't stand for this!

COOLSKELETON: 'LOOKATMYHAT, THAT WASN'T NICE!!!! SN0W3'S MOM DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!

Sn0w3: 'YEAH'

Sn0w3: 'she's sick btw'

Papyrus paused. Oh no... Poor Sn0w3. He really hopes his mother makes it through. He felt the need to send a message... But how to word it? As Papyrus' fingers hover over the keyboard, another message pops up on the computer screen.

lookatmyhat02: 'Hope ur mama falls down'

You would expect that when a skeleton's jaw drops, it literally falls to the ground. But since Papyrus' is very much attached to his cranium, it just looks like an unhinged snake jaw instead.

Yeah. He's definitely leaving the chat. Who knew internet chatrooms could be so... toxic?!

Three days. It has been three days, how long does it usually take to build up an audience?!?! Papyrus tried everything! Selfies, snapshots, selfies of snapshots, snapshots containing selfies... Bragging. Messaging. Even videos of him dancing and showing off his muscles wearing sunglasses didn't help! Is there something he's missing?

Papyrus' mind was running at a billion miles per hour as he paced up and down the streets, staring directly into his phone (he found it in a snowpoff a few hours after he tossed it out the window, no worse for wear). All he wanted was friends, why was this so hard?! What does he have to do?! Is he just not...

Wait, no! It can't be that, surely! Papyrus just... needed to try harder! He'll make friends, surely! He just needs to be a bit more patient.

After he reached the end of the road for the sixth time, just as he was about to turn around and pace back, Papyrus' auditory ossicles started picking up some hip hop music coming from close by. He turned his head towards the noise, only to find three kids performing some kind of synchronised dance. Strange... But they were also recording it on one of their phones! It looked like something Papyrus had done... Maybe they were going to upload it to the internet or something? There was only one way to find out for sure!

Papyrus stuck close, but not so close that he ended up in the background of their video. As much as it would improve it, he didn't want to meddle. Besides, he didn't know if the kids could handle his sheer awesomeness. Meeting The Great Papyrus seemed just a bit too overwhelming for them at the moment. Yes, instead, he should hide behind this conveniently placed tree!

He was so lost in his own ego that Papyrus didn't even notice that the kids were done with their video.

"Wow, dude! That was great!" The little yellow armless kid in the striped shirt exclaimed. "This is so going to go viral!"

"Of course it's going to go viral! It's the hottest trend!" The little ice wolf replied as she plucked the phone away from the little rock kid that was recording.

Speaking of whom, the little rock kid seemed excited too. "Thanks for doing this with me, guys! This was great!"

Viral? Hottest trend?

...

But they were in Snowdin! Unless they meant "hot" as in- Ohh.

Maybe that was it. That was the piece Papyrus had been missing! It wasn't just about fun! It was about getting clout!!

"THAT'S IT... THAT'S IT!!!" Papyrus bounced out of his hiding place, slamming his forehead against the branches in the process. "OW... I JUST NEED TO SEE WHAT THE LATEST TRENDS ARE. AND THEN FINALLY, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, CAN GET THE LOVE AND ATTENTION I SO CRAVE!!! I JUST HAVE TO BE THE BEST AT IT, AND LUCKILY, I AM THE BEST AT EVERYTHING! LOOK OUT, WORLD!!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS ABOUT TO GO VIRAL!!!"

With that declaration, Papyrus ran so fast he practically flew home. Well, it was more like walking on air. Walking in the air, doing backflips. Or backflops, as Sans called them. Whatever!

"THIS SONG IS TRENDING RIGHT NOW??!!!"

Papyrus cannot fathom what he is hearing. It's like some poppy, washed out remix of some other song from 20 years ago. This is what the kids are listening to?! It's nonsensical at best!!!

"THE MUSIC INDUSTRY THESE DAYS... OH, WELL!! IF THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE FRIENDS ONLINE, THEN SO BE IT!!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL GO VIRAL!!! I WILL!!!"

It took Papyrus a while to learn all the steps, but with hard work and dedication, he managed it. Once he finally uploaded the video, he felt proud. It was awkward, and certainly not the first thing Papyrus himself would do, but if it will make him popular, he's willing to do whatever it takes to-

DING!

Papyrus gasped in joy. A notification! Did someone like his video?! Papyrus eagerly opened the Undernet app and...

It was a selfie of Sans outside of the library, his smug smile peeking out of the left-hand corner as he points up at the misspelled sign. Underneath it was a caption.

'hey, bro, did you do this?'

...

Papyrus didn't want to risk throwing his phone out of the window again, but the prospect was too tempting.

CRASH!

That poor window.

20K?! 20K likes?! Overnight?! When Papyrus saw the notifications flooding both his phone AND his computer, he thought his mandible was gonna fall off his cranium!

"I... IT'S... I'M FINALLY... POPULAR!!! POPULAR!!! POPULAR!!!" The delighted skeleton couldn't help but dance around the room in a flourish, "delicately tapping" his toes, which caught the attention of a certain sleepy skeleton that was TRYING to take a nap downstairs, but was now peeking his head around Papyrus' bedroom door.

"sup, bro?"

The first thing Papyrus did was dive towards Sans and show off his likes. "SANS!!! I FINALLY DID IT!!! I FIGURED OUT THE SECRET TO FRIENDSHIP!!!"

"oh, wow. that's a really nice video, bro."

"I KNOW, RIGHT?" An ecstatic squeal broke out of the hyperactive wannabe star, before he started running up and down the room. Sans couldn't help but let out a light chuckle.

"I THINK I FINALLY GOT IT!! TO MAKE FRIENDS... YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT EVERYONE ELSE LIKES TO DO!!!"

Sans squinted at that sentence. This could either go really well or really bad. "uhh, you know that's just-"

"SHUT IT, SANS!!! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS THAT YOU'RE NOT AS POPULAR AS I AM!! I HAVE FIGURED OUT THE ART OF BEING 'TRENDY', AND NOW THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM A MASTER... I WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE ALL THE FRIENDS IN THE WORLD!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

"well... okay. whatever makes you happy, bro. just don't do something stupid, okay?"

"OH, SANS!!! I WOULDN'T EVEN DREAM OF IT!"

"heh, alright, then. i trust you," Sans yawned. "speaking of dreams... i think i'm just gonna get a little more shuteye."

"SANS, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS! IT'S ONLY 6AM!"

Sans cannot fathom how Papyrus has this much energy so early in the morning. He gave Papyrus a curious, yet fond glance before leaving. With Sans out of the way, Papyrus glanced back at his phone.

"ALRIGHT!!! NOW WITH THAT, I SUPPOSE IT IS TIME FOR MORE 'TRENDS'. I CAN'T WAIT TO PLEASE MY NEW FRIENDS!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

12K, 4 followers. Papyrus found this trend where monsters took random objects and turned them into pants. He found a box of scarves and turned them into pants. The likes he got from that post was almost worth the relentless teasing and laughter from his brother. That said, Papyrus thought he looked good in his homemade scants. Yes, that's what he called it. No, it's not ridiculous, what are you talking about?!

A few comments asked Papyrus to try a special dance from a couple of years ago. Something to do with crossing your wrists, bouncing your hands up and down and skipping around? It looked silly, but Papyrus was in for it!

16K, 13 followers. The dance was so much fun, and the music was top notch too, even though Papyrus didn't understand the language. Heck, even Sans joined in... Before he knocked the camera over and ruined the whole thing. But it got Papyrus some new friends, so he was willing to let that one slide.

Someone requested that Papyrus does the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Apparently it's for raising awareness for a human condition called ALS! Well, how could he say no? Sure, Papyrus has no idea what it is and had never seen a human in his life, but he knew how compassionate monsters can be. He couldn't help but wonder how monsters even found out about this trend in the first place, though. Nonetheless, The Great Papyrus is up for anything!

The challenge took place outside their house. Papyrus stood right next to the mailboxes (one of them was quickly filling up with bills), and Sans stood on a stepladder, struggling to keep the full bucket upright.

"HELLO, MY WONDERFUL FOLLOWERS! IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, COMING AT YOU WITH ANOTHER TREND KNOWN AS THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE!! NYEH HEH HEH!!! I HAVE MY BROTHER HERE, ALSO, WHO WILL ADMINISTER THE POURING OF THE ICE WHEN I SAY 'GO!'"

"what? go?"

"NO GO."

"go?"

"NO GO!"

"go?"

"NO!!!!" Papyrus couldn't tell whether Sans was joking or he was just being literal. "NOW, I AM NOT QUITE SURE ABOUT WHAT THIS ALS IS, BUT I KNOW IT IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR HUMANS TO BE AWARE OF IT!! SO WITH THAT, I NOMINATE ALL MY FOLLOWERS TO GO TRY THIS CHALLENGE AT HOME!!!"

"go?"

"NO GO!!!"

"go?"

"NO GO!!!!!" Papyrus shot Sans a threatening glare. It wasn't very effective. All Sans did was provide an innocent shrug.

The tall skeleton sighed before continuing. "IF ANY HUMANS END UP WATCHING THIS... I KNOW OUR TWO SPECIES HAVEN'T SEEN EYE TO EYE IN THE PAST, BUT I HOPE THAT WITH OUR SUPPORT, YOU CAN STAY DETERMINED AND PUSH THROUGH THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE!!! OH, AND ALSO, MAKE SURE TO DROP A LIKE, AND GO FOLLOW ME ON-"

Splat! There goes the bucket of snow, right on Papyrus' head, bucket and everything. Wait, snow? SNOW??? Papyrus practically vibrated with fury.

"SSSSSAAAAAAAANS!!!!!"

Sans shrunk into his oversized, black hoodie. "what? you said 'go'."

Papyrus bit his scarf, trying to keep his COOL. "SANS. I WAS OBVIOUSLY TELLING THE VIEWERS TO GO FOLLOW ME."

"oh, whoops. sorry, wasn't paying attention."

Papyrus' anger should have dissipated, but it didn't. There was something else he wanted to discuss.

"WHY IS THIS BUCKET FULL OF SNOW? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ICED WATER."

"well, snow's kind of like ice, right?"

Papyrus' body shook so hard it started rattling with fury. His strange googly eyes bulged out of his head, and their pupils didn't shift from Sans' own eye sockets.

"uhh... bro?"

"SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS!!!!!!!!!"

The video cut off from there. Papyrus was hesitant to upload it, due to him still being so angry at Sans for not doing the challenge right, but apparently his followers found that absolutely hysterical, so he let it pass.

22K, 19 followers. Someone had requested that Papyrus throw a magic bullet at someone while they're sleeping. Apparently it's a trend. Well, if it will get him more friends! Sorry, Sans!

Papyrus launched a bone at a sleeping Sans. - 0 HP.

He retaliated with a blaster to the face. -1 HP.

Worth it!

22K, 26 followers. Loads of comments were demanding that Papyrus tries wearing denim clothes. Someone, please, end his suffering.

It got him plenty of likes, but Papyrus was happy as ever to burn those clothes in the backyard with Sans afterwards. So itchy and scratchy! How could anyone stand them???

22K, 28 followers. People were, very loudly mind you, requesting that Papyrus tries the cinnamon challenge. Apparently one has to eat an entire spoonful of cinnamon. Papyrus wondered if that was even safe. Either way, his followers want him to, so...

He began recording.

"HELLO, FELLOW FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS!!! IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, ALSO KNOWN AS COOLSKELETON, AND I'M BACK WITH ANOTHER REQUEST FROM YOU LOVELY PEOPLE!!! THIS TIME IT IS THE... CINNAMON CHALLENGE?!?! I MUST ADMIT, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SOMEONE WOULD SHOVE A SPOONFUL OF STRAIGHT CINNAMON INTO THEIR MOUTH, BUT IT'S ALL FOR FUN, SO... I SHALL JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT GREAT!!! AS I USUALLY AM!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!" He hesitantly lifted the spoon up to his mouth. He knew from Sans that consuming cinnamon like this wasn't the best idea. But it's too late to turn back, now that he's a superstar social media influencer.

Speaking of Sans, he didn't notice the short skeleton walk through the kitchen doorway, only to find his brother trying to consume a spoonful of cinnamon.

"hey, bro, whatcha doin'?"

Papyrus' surprised gasp caused the spicy powder to fly straight up his nasal cavity. And before Papyrus could even respond...

"A... ACHOO!!!"

He sneezed straight into the bowl of cinnamon on the countertop. As he opened his eyes, Papyrus realised that the brownish powder was now absolutely EVERYWHERE. On the walls, on the counter... even on Sans' face! Still, Sans didn't seem bothered about that. He was more bothered by what Papyrus was attempting to do. He didn't show it, of course. Typical Sans. But Papyrus would say he is pretty good at reading Sans anyway. After all, he was stuck with him for pretty much their whole lives. You pick up a thing or two about someone when you're with them for that long.

"S-SANS!!! W-WHY DID YOU INTERRUPT MY VIDEO??" Yeah, that's right! Cover your shame with irritation! That's totally going to work!

"uhh... i just wanted to see what you were up to. guess i accidentally... spiced up the kitchen?

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Sans chuckled nervously. Despite the lighthearted banter, he couldn't help but glance at the camera that Papyrus is using to record his video on. It looked pretty old. Why doesn't he just use his phone? Either way, he had to stop this before Papyrus hurts himself.

"say, uh, do you mind if i look at that camera for a second? i think it's got some cinnamon on it."

"OH! OF COURSE!"

Sans turned off the camera.

His popularity was stagnating. Those four words played in a loop in Papyrus' head, as he laid there in his race car bed, staring at his phone, Peekaboo with Fluffy Bunny on the nearest table, in the darkness of his room. Papyrus knew it was nighttime, only from the darkness, the sound of Sans' sleepy mumbling and snoring from the neighbouring bedroom, and the numbers on his phone staring at him.

01:52 AM. Despite the bedtime story, Papyrus couldn't sleep. Not tonight. He was too busy thinking about what to do to earn more followers. To earn more FRIENDS. Being friends with everyone sounded so easy on Undernet. So why? Why is it so hard?

He enjoyed doing those trends... with some exceptions. But Papyrus couldn't help but notice that whenever he wasn't doing those trends... Whenever he just wanted to do his own thing... He didn't get as many likes as he got when he was doing those trends.

It's fine. It doesn't hurt at all. He's still great, whether he's doing those trends or not... right?

That's what Sans said. And Papyrus trusts Sans more than anyone. His brother is smart, so... He has to be right.

Papyrus decided it was best to distract himself for a minute. He searched through other accounts on Undernet.

One account was full of terrible jokes. Papyrus remembered the username, SN0W3. He hopes his mother's okay.

Another showcased what life is like on a snail farm. Those two ghosts there. They look happy together. He doesn't know their names, but they seem to be related. Papyrus cracked a smile. It reminded him of him and Sans.

Then there was an account run by some kind of anime-loving yellow lizard. From what Papyrus could gather from the photo, she likes hanging out in some kind of trash dump area with a cat monster and a crocodile monster. They were decked out in anime merch. Papyrus isn't a huge fan of anime, but good for them.

His eye sockets darted to the amount of likes these photos got. They weren't very popular. No help there. He followed the lizard's account, anyway. She seemed charming enough.

Papyrus internally sighed and rolled to his side, this time scrolling through the home page. So much content. So many people with so much cool content, with so many friends...

Yes, he did say to himself that he had to distract himself. But no matter what he did, Papyrus always thought back to the numbers on his posts. The followers... The friends he could make. Friends he has to please. He keeps scrolling, determined to find something, ANYTHING, to ensure that people like him.

That's when he spots it.

The Bleach Crackle Challenge.

According to this website, The Bleach Crackle Challenge consisted of taking a shot of bleach and gargling it, causing a violent reaction in their magic, usually in the form of sparks. Papyrus wanted to cringe at their coughing, spluttering, and throwing up, but then he looked at the numbers again. Maybe... Maybe this will please his followers. It's worth a shot. And what's the worst that could happen? He's a skeleton! It could just fall out of his ribs for all he knew!

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, he will do this.

Because making friends.

Is about.

Doing.

Whatever.

They WANT you to do.

And knowing his followers... They were going to request this eventually.

So he might as well just give them what they want.

The camera's on.

"H-HELLO, MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS!!! IT IS I, THE G-GREAT PAPYRUS, BACK WITH ANOTHER CHALLENGE!!! NYEH HEH... HEH..."

Holding the shot of bleach, Papyrus can feel his hands shaking. He tried not to let any liquid pour out as he spoke.

"SO, I FOUND THIS POPULAR TREND ON THE UNDERNET. APPARENTLY C-CONSUMING... THIS... WILL HARBOR SOME C-COOL EFFECTS!! IT'S, UM... I-I HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, REALLY!!! OBVIOUSLY, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME... B-BUT I AM A SKELETON, A COOLSKELETON AT THAT!!! NYEH! SO, UM, THEORETICALLY..."

He held it up so it lined up with his eye sockets.

"I S-SHOULD... BE... F-FINE..."

He can feel the stench creep up his nasal cavity and into his eye sockets. He didn't want to do this... He didn't want to do this! But it's too late to turn back now.

Papyrus shakily brought it up to his teeth. Oh, god. He could feel it already, and he hadn't even-

Uh oh.

That was not a welcome sight to see.

Sans. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Deep, black eye sockets.

Papyrus was in big trouble.

Before he could lower the glass, Sans bliped right next to him and gently took the glass. Those empty sockets... He knew his brother wasn't playing around.

Sans carefully poured the bleach back into its original container and put the shotglass in the sink. Next, he turned off the camera once again.

Papyrus didn't know why, but he felt a deep sense of resentment and... is that shame? Whatever it was, it was boiling up inside him. He squeezed his eye sockets shut, suppressing an undeserved yell. He had to keep reminding himself that Sans was just trying to protect him. He can't be reasonably angry about that. He can't...

"GOSH DARN IT, SANS!!!"

His eyelights steadily returning, Sans spoke with a delicately soft tone. "papyrus... is something-"

Papyrus immediately brushed Sans off. "RAARRRGH!!!" And stormed upstairs, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

What... What just happened?

A cautious knock at the door.

A deadpan response. "COME IN."

A loud, but not obnoxious creak as the door slided open.

A worried brother standing at the door.

"heya."

A tear-stained skeleton who cannot even spare the worried brother a glance. He's just too busy working on his resume. And by "working on his resume", it means he's tapping the C key over and over as a nervous tic. Papyrus hated to see his brother upset. Especially because of him.

"listen, i just wanted you to know... if you ever wanted to talk about somethin'-"

"I'M FINE, SANS."

Sans' eyelights fell to the carpet, disbelieving. "are you sure?"

"DON'T WORRY. IT'S... NOT THAT DEEP."

"so... why?"

"IT WAS JUST A TREND. THE WHAT-DO-YOU-CALL-IT, BLEACH, CRACKLE THING."

The eyelights disappear again as Sans spoke in a hushed whisper. "you tried the bleach crackle challenge?! the challenge that got 5 kids hospitalised?!"

Papyrus lost his deadpan tone. "WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW IT GOT CHILDREN HOSPITALISED, SANS!!!" He swiveled around to glare at his brother with tears in his eyes.

"bro, i hate to tell you this, but that was-"

"STUPID?!"

"well, yes."

Papyrus huffed. He knew he had no right to be angry at Sans, but... but...

"ARRGH!!! WHY IS MAKING FRIENDS SO COMPLICATED?!"

Sans' worried thoughts skid to a halt. So THAT'S what this is about?

"all of this was for clout, wasn't it?"

That did it. Papyrus squeezed his eye sockets shut, gesticulating violently with his hands.

"WELL, I'M SORRY!!! I JUST WANTED TO BE POPULAR AND HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS AND RESPECT AND RECOGNITION AND LOVE AND PRAISE AND HUGS AN-AND EVERYTHING GOOD THAT COMES WITH A FRIENDSHIP, AND Y-YOU KNOW, TO HAVE FRIENDS, YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT!!!!"

"did... people really ask you to-"

"NO!!! BUT... IT WAS SO POPULAR, I FIGURED IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THEY DID, YOU KNOW?" Papyrus hiccupped. "A-A-AND I HAVE TO MAKE THEM HAPPY, OTHERWISE I'D NEVER... I'D- MY POPULARITY LEVELS WILL REMAIN STAGNANT!!! AND... AND..." He slumped.

Something in Sans began to stir, more than ever. A heavy, achy feeling settled in his ribcage, and it was only becoming more and more unbearable the longer he looked at his precious brother in this state. Without even thinking about it, Sans slowly walked up to his distraught brother, and sat on the floor beside him.

"papyrus..." It took a few seconds to figure out what to say, "there's a difference between followers and friends. you know that, right?"

Papyrus sniffled, still glaring at the floor. "IT'S THE CLOSEST I'VE EVER FELT TO HAVING SOME."

"really, now? did it make you happy to get those followers?"

Papyrus opened his mouth to speak, before Sans raised a hand to interject.

"speak wisely."

Papyrus paused. Was he happy just focusing on the likes and followers? Looking back, all he could remember feeling was stress.

"say, uh... i'm not saying don't follow the latest trends. it's not something i would personally go for, but i can understand the appeal. after all, some of those things you did were pretty fun, right?"

Papyrus stopped shedding tears in favour of a blank face. Come to think of it, the pranks, the silly dances, the ice bucket... Those were pretty fun to do.

"YEAH..."

The ache in Sans' ribcage began to dissipate.

"heh heh... people like doing those trends because they're fun. so perhaps it's worth putting aside the likes and start focusing on the fun side."

Oh, Sans. You always know what to say, Papyrus thought. He flashed Sans a grateful smile.

"YEAH... YEAH!!! IF THEY WERE REAL FRIENDS, THEY SHOULD LIKE ME REGARDLESS OF WHAT GOOFY STUFF I POST ON UNDERNET, RIGHT?"

"that's right, buddy." Sans gave Papyrus' knee a gentle pat, before standing up. "say, bro?"

"YEAH?"

"i have an idea. why don't we make something new together? no clout. no stress. just two bros, having fun and doing goofy stuff on the internet. whaddya say?"

The smile of gratitude just became a smile of joyous anticipation.

"WOWIE, SANS!! I THINK I WOULD LIKE THAT... A LOT!!!"

With that, Papyrus swivelled back to the computer and changed tabs. Sans stood by, trying to peek over his shoulder.

"whatcha doin'?"

"DELETING MY OLD ACCOUNT. I WANT TO START FRESH! HOW DOES 'COOLSKELETON95' SOUND TO YOU?"

"you know what, bro? i love it."

Click, click!

The first video Papyrus uploaded onto his new account was a cover of his favourite pop song! The twins dressed up in ridiculously poppy outfits and sang and danced their heart out. And the entire time, Papyrus was only focused on the song and his brother. The dancing, the laughing... It was all really fun! Papyrus was so happy to have Sans doing this with him. This marked the beginning of a new era... As far as the internet went, anyway.

3 hours of editing later, Papyrus finally uploaded the video on his new account. And... Nothing yet.

Papyrus smiled anyway. He made something he was proud of. Something fun, that didn't put him in danger or under any pressure to keep creating things that only his followers wanted. This was truly a place where Papyrus can express himself. And who knows? Maybe even some real friends will come flocking to him... one day.

He heard Sans calling from downstairs. "hey, bro, i found this sick console in the basement. you wanna see if we can fix it up?"

Oh, well! The Great Papyrus' job is never done! Papyrus happily sprung out of his office chair and marched out the room, filled with a newfound sense of true confidence.

...

The video got one like.

Chapter Text

The woods were quiet today. No storms, no delinquents, no spontaneous snowman wars that almost end with a snow boulder crashing into town. It's a perfect place to take out a newspaper and start reading the funny pages.

At least, that's what Sans intended to do.

The young skeleton really enjoyed the quiet, calm atmosphere the woods provided. It's much better than the overwhelming stimuli of the town. He finds it odd, really. Snowdin is nowhere near as overwhelming as... his old home. But he still gets overstimulated anyway. Maybe it's him?

"we're spooky scary sending shivers down your spine..." Sans sang lowly to himself. He never liked to sing in front of others. Not without his brother, in any sense. But alone? It helps him keep his mind engaged, at least. So it won't wander off into some... dangerous territory.

"you best prepare for a hila-"

What was that?

Sans heard something. From the bushes.

And it's still rustling.

Sans knew he shouldn't go over to strange rustly bushes, but his curiosity was too overpowering for him to resist. Tentatively, he creeped towards the bush.

"uh, hello?" The small skeleton peeked inside, only to find two tiny glistening orbs staring at him back. Yup, that was to be expected. Still, Sans leaned in.

"hey, it's cool. i don't bite. unless, uh, you do?" He winked.

Stupid, stupid.

Slowly, but surely, the rustling started up again, only got a tiny white snout with a black nose to stick out.

Wait, that's a-!

"eep!" Before Sans could finish that thought, the creature leaped out of the bush and tackled him to the ground. A white, small, furry, friendly creature indeed!

"Yip! Yip!"

The reaction was instantaneous. Sans' pupils dilated, overwhelmed by the puppy cuteness.

"d'aww! what are you doin' in the woods, little guy? were you playing hide and seek? were you? were you, furry baby?" Sans knew he probably shouldn't pet random dogs you find in the woods, but he couldn't stop himself! It's a puppy! A silly fluffy puppy!

He checked the dog for a collar. None.

"aww, you all alone, little guy? that's unfortunate."

The dog decided it had taken a liking to Sans. It lies on his chest and relentlessly started licking the underside of his mandible.

"pfft-ehehehehehe! yohohou silly pup! nahahahat there! hehehehehehehehe!"

As he laughed from the puppy's ticklish tongue, Sans could only think of two things - how playful this pup is, and that he's definitely taking him home until someone else claims him. He can't in good conscience leave this pupper out all alone, without food and water. What kind of person would Sans be if he did that?

Using both of his hugging arms, Sans cradled the dog and hoisted him up the best he could. It had proven to be quite a task, due to Sans' lack of physical strength and the dog's relentless wiggling, but he managed.

"ooh, boy. you're a heavy little guy, aren't ya? i guess you're carryin' more than just fluff, huh?"

The puppy yipped and started licking the skeleton's chin once more, making him giggle.

"ahalright, alrihihight! sheesh. come on, puppers. you're not gonna survive out here for too long. let's go."

"Yip!"

And with that, Sans and his new best friend set out on a course for Snowdin Town.

"PHEW!"

Papyrus wiped off a bead of sweat from his forehead. Finally, after two hours of removing that DARNED relish stain from the carpet, the house was spotless.

"I SHOULD COMPLIMENT MYSELF ON A JOB WELL DONE!!!" The proud monster patted himself on the back by removing his arm and reaching around with it. "PAP PAT. WHAT NOW? HMM... WELL, I SUPPOSE I SHOULD CHECK MY SOCIAL MEDIAS! I'M ONLY 13 AWAY FROM A DOUBLE DIGIT FOLLOWER COUNT, AFTER ALL!! NYEH! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

Papyrus spun on the spot and was prepared to march upstairs, when he heard the door unlock. Sounds like Sans is home! And he didn't forget his keys this time! Progress!

"incoming!"

"INCOMING? WHATEVER DO YOU- OH MY DOG!!!!!"

As soon as the door opened, a speedy little white blur rocketed around the living room. And what's worse? It was getting mud all over the freshly cleaned carpet!!! What a conundrum- No. NO, NOT THE SOFA! NOT THE STAIRS, NOT THE KITCHEN, NOT THE TABLE!! WHAT WAS IT EVEN DOING?!

Papyrus felt like crying. "SANS?!?!?!"

"whoops. i got it." With a snap of his fingers, Sans froze the blur in its tracks. Literally. It was surrounded by its own trail of destruction! How is Papyrus supposed to rectify this?! How is ANYONE supposed to rectify this!?!?

Papyrus' despair contorts into rage. Well, not exactly rage. More like an extreme frustration directed towards his brother. And Papyrus wasn't one to hide his emotions at all, so Sans definitely knew from his googly-eyed glare that he was definitely to blame for this.

"...so i found a stray-"

"AND YOU LET IT TRASH THE HOUSE. GREAT. GREAT!"

"sorry, bro."

"OH, YOU'RE SORRY? I JUST SPENT TWO HOURS REMOVING YOUR STAIN!!!! AND NOW... NOW!!!!"

Sans put his hands up in defence. "look, i'm sorry, okay? it j-just... the dog needed a place to stay, alright? it didn't have a collar, and it... it..."

"YOU JUST FOUND A STRAY AND DECIDED TO TAKE IT HOME? TYPICAL! CLASSIC SANS!"

"hey, no need to keep BARKING at me, alright? let's just calm down."

Papyrus suppressed a snicker. Gosh darn it, Sans. Darn Sans. And darn Sans again for catching onto his concealed amusement.

"hey, i heard that. come on. you can't stay mad at me for long, can ya?"

The mischievous prankster gazed at Papyrus with the most delighted smile ever. No matter what he said or did, Papyrus knew he couldn't stay mad at that face.

"OH, ALRIGHT! I'M WILLING TO OVERLOOK THIS INCIDENT, BUT YOU ARE HELPING ME CLEAN UP!!! AND WE ARE NOT KEEPING THIS ANIMAL!!!" Papyrus instructed, in a stern tone as he straightened his posture and pointed firmly at the obliviously cheerful whirlwind of chaos that is the dog.

The dog figured Papyrus' hand looked like a nice meal.

CHOMP!

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

About a few minutes later, Papyrus could be seen giving the dog the hardest death glare he could direct towards a starving animal. The dog itself remained oblivious, happily chomping on the leftover roast chicken and lapping up the water Sans left out for it. Sans himself was wrapping Papyrus' poor hand in bandages. The dog clearly had just as much bite as it did bark.

That dog. That. Annoying. Dog.

He didn't know how or when, but Papyrus had decided that dog was going to be the bane of his existence, now and forevermore.

"okay. all set." The smaller twin had finally finished. Papyrus sat back to admire Sans' handiwork. It wasn't enough to make up for the ruined living room, and the bite, and the DOG, but he knew Sans' heart was in the right place. It always is.

"EXCELLENT WORK, BROTHER! THAT CANINE REALLY LIKES USING ITS CANINES ON ME."

Sans snorted and snickered, to which Papyrus smiled.

"yeah. who knew such a cutie wootie could do something like that, huh?"

Papyrus' smile momentarily dropped. He can't be serious, right?

"SANS, THAT CANINE IS A MENACE! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!"

"but, bro! he's just a little guy, look at him!" Sans couldn't help but dissolve into a pile of mush while watching this pup eat. "he's just a little man. a little man dog."

"HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW IT'S A MALE?!"

"just a hunch."

"ARGH!!!" Papyrus never did get Sans' adoration of animals. Especially animals that barge in and trash your house on a whim. With his affection for animals and bugs, Papyrus was confident that Sans could even find a CENTIPEDE cute in some way.

"hey, by the way, do you mind if i borrow your computer?"

Papyrus snapped out of his thoughts. "MY COMPUTER, WHY?"

"just wanted to make something, that's all."

"IT'S NOT A PRANK, IS IT?"

"no, no, it's not. eh, well, maybe..." He paused to think. Before Papyrus could chastise him, he held a hand up. "nah, i won't. i was just gonna create some flyers, y'know, some posters. i was thinking about what you said. we might as well see if somebody's lookin' for 'im."

"SANS, THAT'S... VERY NOBLE OF YOU."

"thanks, bro." After a couple of brotherly shoulder pats, the small skeletwin got up to start his poster duties. "say, do you mind taking care of the pupper for a bit?"

"NOT FUNNY, SANS."

"sorry, couldn't resist. the hook and line were there, i just had to bite it." A wink and a shrug. Perfect!

"ENOUGH!!!!"

"alright, alright." The little comedian chuckled, casually strolling towards the hungry dog. He pet it just behind the ears. "okay, boy. i'm just gonna go for a bit, alright? gonna find your true owner."

The puppy peered up at Sans with a goofy smile. It's like it's trying to mess with him, because not even a moment after Sans spoke, it stuck out its tongue.

Sans almost dissolved into a baby-talking puddle of cuteness overload right there. No! He must resist!

"hnnnnhhh- gosh, why'dya have to be so adorable?" He pet it again, a little more aggressively this time.

Meanwhile, Papyrus remained sitting on Sans' stepping stool, pouring. He could never understand Sans' love for animals, especially after it just BIT HIS HAND! What? No, he's not jealous!! He's just frustrated that Sans would dissolve into a puddle of goo over a dog after the mess it made!!! (Also, he wanted to be pet too.)

Soon enough, Sans left. Left Papyrus alone with the dog. Well, then. Time to confront it and show it who's boss!

Papyrus cleared his throat and stood up, his stance and voice full of authority.

"LISTEN HERE, DOG!!! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AND YOU'RE TAKING RESIDENCE IN MY HOUSE TEMPORARILY, AND THUS, WE HAVE TO SAY SOME GROUND RULES!!! RULE NUMBER ONE- HEY!!!"

The dog just tried to jump up at him! What did it want?! His scarf?! No, sir! Not today!

"GET OFF OF ME!!!" Papyrus tries gesturing for the dog to sit. "SIT!!! SIT!!! STOP THAT, YOU ANNOYING LITTLE-"

CHOMP! Well, there goes Papyrus' arm.

"AAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOWWWWW!!!"

Of course it had to be now! Sans is coming downstairs! Luckily the bite wasn't as strong as the first, but it still hurt!

And Sans didn't even look...

"hey, bro, i'm gonna head out to see if i can print off the posters at the library. or should i say 'librarBY?'"

"THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND YOU KNOW IT SANS!!!" Papyrus huffed, trying to prevent the dog from biting him again.

"suuuurrrrre it was." Sans flashed Papyrus a smug grin. "you think you can handle the doggo?"

"NO!"

"attaboy."

One heavy jacket later, and Sans was out the door, but not before cooing over the pup one last time.

"bye, little puppers. be a good boy, alright?"

Click!

Great. Now Papyrus was all alone with the fluffball of chaos he called a dog. A dog. AKA, the bane of his existence, and a skeleton's natural enemy. Natural to Papyrus anyway.

"SIGH... FINE, THEN. DOG!!!"

The furry whirlwind of destruction tilted its head and whimpered. Nope. That trick wasn't going to fool Papyrus! He's above that!

"NO. YOU ARE GOING TO SIT AND STAY HERE WHILE I CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!!" On his own. Papyrus sighed, didn't Sans say he'll help?! At least he's working on something. All this dog was working on was being a hinderance in Papyrus' life.

At least the dog obeyed... For now.

"SIGH..."

Papyrus always found the hum of the vacuum cleaner relaxing. It's one of the reasons why he vacuums the carpet so much. That, and the fact it gets messy so often. He really needed to tell Sans to stop leaving lint balls everywhere! Nonetheless, Papyrus was content to hum along with the vacuum cleaner... Until the hum was interrupted by a clog. Oh dear god, did he suck up one of Sans' underwear again?

"HUH???" The neat freak picked up the vacuum and does the one thing you should never do with a gun - peek inside the barrel.

Oh! There is definitely something blocking it. Just a little shake and...

POP!

"Bark!"

"OH MY GOD!!! DOG??? DOG GOD??? GOD DOG...? GOG...? PBPBPBPT- WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!?!"

The fluffy head gave another yip. How on earth did this dog get in there?! How did it FIT in there! Papyrus had so many questions!

"GET OUT!!!"

About ten minutes later, Papyrus figured a shower could wash off all the dust and sweat he accumulated from his work. He always felt fresh after a nice... warm...

"Yip!"

"DOG?!"

Heck no! No way was The Great Papyrus going to let this canine clog the drain!

Out it goes!

"UGH..."

After his shower, Papyrus decided a nice snack would take his mind off all the chaos that occurred today. Ah, yes. A nice, hot bowl of oatmeal! And don't forget the dinosaur eggs!

Placing the bowl in his lap on the sofa, Papyrus clapped his hands in delight.

"THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A SWEET BOWL OF DINOSAUR EGG OATMEAL!!"

But just as Papyrus was about to take the first bite... He heard a whimper. Oh no... Not that.

He slowly peered down to find the little menace staring up at him, with a face that could reduce even the most stone-hearted of individuals into a blubbering mess.

The puppy dog stare... And Papyrus knows exactly what it wants. It wants his food. But it can't have his food. It's PAPYRUS' food!!! No one else's!!!

"DON'T YOU EVEN DARE!!!"

The dog just whimpered in response. If Sans were here, he would give in so easily, Papyrus thought. He would not only give this mutt his food, but also his money, bank account and credit card details. Not Papyrus, though. He has so much more willpower.

Papyrus held the bowl away from the dog.

"NO! MEANS! NO!"

The dog just barked. Papyrus barked back. Hah! That'll show him!

The dog just tried to jump up. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Papyrus hissed. Then, thinking fast, he poured the entire bowl of oatmeal into his mouth, swallowing it whole. The dog seemed to have lost interest after that, because it just walked away.

Another victory for The Great Papyrus!! The one who almost choked on his bowl of oatmeal...

Later, Papyrus felt... a little sad for the dog. So he decided to offer it some meat. Big mistake.

CHOMP!!!!

"DOGGAMMIT!!!!!!!!"

Papyrus was sure to shut the door to his room. He double checked, TRIPLE checked, even.

"OKAY... IT'S SHUT. NOW..." He turned to his favourite collection of bones. "WHAT TO NAME YOU GUYS? HOW ABOUT... GNASHER, DASHER, FLASHER, SMASHER... AND VINCENT?"

The bones didn't respond. But if they could, Papyrus was confident that they'd respond, 'Yes, oh mighty Papyrus! We love you and the names you have given us! Also, you are incredibly handsome!'

"AWW, YOU'RE TOO KIND, MY SPECIAL ATTACKS! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

What else would they say? 'Strike a really cool pose!'

"NYEH HEH HEH, WELL, IF YOU INSIST!"

Papyrus turns his back to strike a really cool pose. He could practically hear his attacks cheering him on. He turned back and...

Where's Vincent??!!?

That's when he heard it. Chewing noises. Don't tell him...

Papyrus turned his head in the direction of the chewing noises. And what he saw was... graphic, to say the least. At least, graphic for a skeleton.

"HEY!!! GET OFF OF VINCENT!!!"

That meddling mutt!!! Instead of giving Papyrus' precious bone attack back, it decided to make off with it instead.

"OH, NO, YOU DON'T!!!" Papyrus dashed after the dog. "YOU PESTILANT PUP!!! LEAVE VINCENT ALONE!!! HE'S JUST AN INNOCENT BONE!!!!!" Hey, that rhymed!

Unfortunately, the dog didn't appreciate Papyrus' rhyme. And Papyrus didn't appreciate his very presence. He couldn't stop the dog from running down the stairs, but he can stop him from leaving!!!

Papyrus leaped off the landing with vigor and kicked his legs, allowing himself to jump higher than most monsters could ever dream of! So high, in fact, that he failed to see the wall right in front of him.

Bump! Splat!

The good news is, Papyrus landed right next to the dog! The bad news is, Papyrus landed right next to the dog.

At least he had an opportunity. Papyrus shot his hand out to grab the selfish scoundrel, only for it to jump over him.

"CURSES!!!"

Every time Papyrus even made a slight attempt to grab back his beloved bone, the pesky pooch just jumped higher and higher! It's almost as if it was defying gravity! Papyrus previously thought only skeletons were able to do that. Clearly, he was mistaken.

And then the canine dashed into the kitchen. Oh, heck no!!!

"HEY!!! YOU MAY HAVE TAKEN MY BONE, BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE MY OATMEAL!!!"

This wild goose chase lasted for another two to three minutes before the front door clicked. Luckily for Papyrus, the dog lost interest in Vincent as soon as Sans walked through the door with a stack of papers that he was pretty sure was over Sans' height.

And the dog proceeded to ruin that stack by leaping on Sans and knocking those papers absolutely everywhere. And worst of all, Sans was LAUGHING about it. Most likely because the dog was licking away at him, and Sans has a ticklish mandible. But still!

"hehehehehehehe! hehehey, boy!" The small skeleton delighted in the dog's presence, petting it and nuzzling it with his face. Papyrus thought it was disgusting, but to each their own. Until Sans decided to tease the dog with Vincent of all things!

He held the bone above the dog's head, daring it to jump up at it.

"here, boy! here, boy!" He can't believe Sans!

"HEY, GIVE THAT BACK!" Papyrus snatched the bone without even thinking of it. But despite everything, Papyrus was glad Sans is home. At least now he can take care of the pooch.

"chill, bro. i just came by to get my toolbox. gonna put these posters up around town."

Never mind. Papyrus was grumpy again.

"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP LEAVING ME WITH THIS... THIS... BOTHERSOME BEAST!!!" Papyrus' rhyming game was on point today. "I'M TELLING YOU, SANS, THAT DOG IS THE BONE OF MY EXISTENCE!!! IF THIS PLACE WAS A CIRCUS, THEN THAT DASTARDLY DOG WILL NOT JUST BE THE RINGMASTER, BUT EVERY OTHER ACT TOO!!!!"

Sans' face softened in concern. Oh, not that pitiful expression again...

"papyrus? are you still mad cuz he made a mess?"

"OH, TRUST ME!!!! THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING!! I CANNOT HANDLE THAT BEAST ANY LONGER!!!! IT'S INFURIATING!!!" The pouty skeleton monster slumped on the sofa, rattling furiously. Oh. Sans really needed to play 'big brother' now, didn't he? Not that he minded. He's four minutes older than Papyrus, after all. Not that that mattered.

Setting the dog aside for a moment, Sans sat down next to Papyrus and kept a close eye on him. Meanwhile, the dog perched on Sans' lap, allowing the smaller skeleton to stroke him while he chatted it out with his bro.

"papyrus..." He took a minute to figure out what he was going to say. "i can see why you're so frustrated. he made a mess. dogs make messes."

"DOES THAT MAKE YOU A DOG?"

Both brothers snickered at that joke.

"i guess so. call me the clavicle canine."

"NYEH HEH HEH..."

"heh heh heh. no, but seriously, it's okay to be a little frustrated. who wouldn't be when all your hard work got toppled in a matter of seconds?"

Papyrus stopped slouching. Sans took it as a good sign to continue.

"you gotta realise though, pap..." The pup looked like it was about to fall asleep under Sans' gentle hand. "he's just a pup. he doesn't know any better. and it's up to us to train him, you know?"

Train him...? Why didn't Papyrus think of that? If he trained him, then all his problems will be solved!

"SANS, YOU'RE A GENIUS!!!"

"aw, shucks. you're too kind, paps."

"AND YOU'RE TOO SOFT!!!"

Suddenly, Sans burst into a giggle fit. Not just because of the comment, but also because Papyrus was giving him a giant noogie. The dog woke up to watch the brothers bond.

After all that's said and done, Sans and Papyrus exchanged warm smiles. For Papyrus, this conversation really put some things into perspective. Then he heard some rustling as Sans pulled out a bag full of meat sticks.

Immediately, the smell of those sticks entered Papyrus' sensitive nasal cavity. What did they put in those things, rotten eggs and fish?!

"here. i bought these on the way home. maybe you could try to train him?" He offered Papyrus the bag. Papyrus looked back and forth between Sans' soft expression, the bag of strong-smelling meat sticks, and the excited puppy. Well... It's worth a shot.

Papyrus took the bag. "FINE."

"great." Satisfied, Sans slid off the sofa and started gathering up the posters with his magic, as well as his toolbox. Where was he even storing that thing?

"good luck, bro. and, doggy..."

"Yip!"

Sans took a deep breath just to not dissolve into baby speak. "be good, ya goofball. don't give my brother too much trouble. he works very hard for us."

Sans was right. He does!

With one final wink, Sans headed out the door. "later, bonehead."

"HEY!!!" And Sans is gone. Great.

"Bark! Bark!"

Papyrus looked down to see the excited pup tapping its feet. Well... It wouldn't hurt to train him, like Sans said.

"HMM..." He pulled out a meat stick. It felt... rough. And it smelled terrible. "DO A BACKFLIP!"

Nothing. Maybe if he screamed louder?

"DO! A! BACKFLIP!!!"

Nada. The dog just stood there, clueless. Papyrus didn't fully understand the merit of this. He stared at the meat stick. It looked like a wand. Maybe it was truly a magic wand, like those ancient artifacts from the history books! Papyrus waved it around like an ancient human mage.

"ABRACADABRA!!! I COMMAND YOU TO DO A BACKFLIP!!!"

All the dog did was spin around.

"THAT WAS NOT A BACKFLIP!"

"Yip!"

"YIP TO YOU TOO!!!" If Papyrus had lips, he would stick the bottom lip out. And if he had a nose, at least he would be able to scrunch it up! This meat was rancid!

His mind drifted to the cloth Papyrus used to block his nasal cavity. It's stored in the kitchen, in one of the drawers. Maybe it could block out this repugnant meat smell.

He didn't exactly trust the dog to stay in one place, but the smell was slowly overwhelming his senses. He didn't understand why he couldn't just ignore the smell. Perhaps it was just a Papyrus thing.

"UGH, I'M GOING TO SEE IF MY ANTI-SNIFFER CLOTH IS IN THE KITCHEN!" The authoritative skeleton started marching towards the kitchen, however, he felt the need to leave the dog with one last message. "STAY THERE!!!"

The dog sat down. At least this training thing was going somewhere.

It didn't take long for Papyrus to find the cloth. However, when he came back... Oh, no.

"WAIT, WHERE...? HEY!!! DOG!!!! GET BACK HERE!!!! STOP DISAPPEARING!!!!" How could he have let the dog out of his sight for even a minute?!

Panicked, Papyrus proceeded to check every nook and cranny of the house. Living room? No. Kitchen? No, he would have noticed!!! Basement? Absolutely not!!

Papyrus was almost tempted to try and see if it somehow got into the shed, or even the workshop at the back of the house. But he figured it was probably best if he looked upstairs first.

First, his room... And there he was, sitting on Papyrus' precious race car bed!

"UGH!!! I CANNOT LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR TWO SECONDS, CAN I?!" As annoyed as Papyrus was, it's nice to know that the dog was safe. "WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING IN MY BED?!"

"Bark!"

Bark. That's all it had to say. Perfect.

"WHEW..." Papyrus was almost tempted to collapse on the bed right there. But he decided that that was... very un-Papyrus of him. So he didn't. Instead, he carefully sat at the end of the bed, as far away as possible. The rancid meat sticks sat beside him. He took this opportunity to stuff the cloth into his nasal cavity. Much better.

"YOU ARE... A PUZZLE." Papyrus admitted. The dog tilted his head. "I KNOW MY BROTHER REALLY CARES ABOUT YOU, DESPITE YOUR ANNOYING TRAITS. BUT THAT'S JUST MY BROTHER!!! AS FOR ME, I CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE YOUR BIGGEST RIVAL!!! PAPYRUS VS ANNOYING DOG!!! A BATTLE FOR THE AGES!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

"Yip!"

"UGH... YOU HAVE BEEN A PAIN IN MY COCCYX EVER SINCE WE MET! YOU MAKE MESSES, YOU EAT MY FOOD, YOU LEAVE HAIR EVERYWHERE... YOU'RE LIKE SANS TIMES A THOUSAND!!!"

The pooch kept up that dopey smile. That smile never left its face. Yup. Sans times a thousand.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MAN'S BEST FRIEND, BUT YOU COME ACROSS MORE LIKE MAN'S BEST NUISANCE!!!"

"Yip!"

Papyrus sighed, his shoulders sagging a bit. He thought about what Sans said.

"I DON'T KNOW, IS IT... IS IT ME?"

A whimper.

"CANINE? MAY I SHARE WITH YOU SOME... COMPLEX FEELINGS?"

The dog's non-response sounded like a 'Yes, Papyrus, tell me everything!'

"FEELINGS LIKE... THE FEAR THAT YOU WILL NEVER GET WHAT YOU WANT. THE WORRY THAT SOMETHING MIGHT BE WRONG WITH YOU, THAT YOU'RE THE ONE PREVENTING YOURSELF FROM ACHIEVING YOUR DREAMS. THE DESIRE TO JUST... NOT BE ALONE ANYMORE. TO HAVE FRIENDS WHO PRAISE YOU, AND ARE PROUD OF YOU, AND ACTUALLY... CARE ABOUT YOU, FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. THESE FEELINGS..."

While Papyrus was making his speech, his rival shuffled up and put a tiny paw on his femur. Papyrus finally started to see the appeal of dogs.

"WOWIE!!! YOU... YOU CARE?!"

"Yip!"

Papyrus lit up. "THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!! WOWIE!!! YOU'RE A GREAT LISTENER, YOU KNOW THAT?!"

The dog sprawled itself across Papyrus' lap. This is the best day of his life!!!! Papyrus found himself rattling again, but for a different reason. He finally found a friend!

"AAAAWWWW!!! POOCHIE!!!" Papyrus gave the dog a little stroke. As he stroked the dog, he wondered. If the dog was willing to listen to his problems, what else was he willing to listen to? Maybe... Maybe he could finally talk about his interests at length without boring or confusing anyone! How exciting!

"UM, HEY, POOCHIE?"

The dog rolled on his back, exposing his belly. Aww!

"SO... TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT, DID YOU KNOW THAT SOME OF THE FIRST PUZZLES DATED ALL THE WAY BACK TO JUST AFTER THE WAR? MONSTERS WERE AFRAID OF FURTHER HUMAN ATTACKS, SO THEY BUILT PUZZLES THAT CONSISTED OF ROCKS, AND SPIKES, AND SWITCHES TO CONFUZZLE THE HUMANS SO THEY CAN'T GET TO THE MONSTERS! BUT AFTER YEARS AND YEARS OF NO HUMANS, THEY TURNED IT INTO A TRADITION TO LEAVE PUZZLES EVERYWHERE IN THE UNDERGROUND!! ISN'T THAT REALLY COOL AND INTERESTING?"

"Yip!"

Oh, that's a yes! That's definitely a yes!

For the next two hours, Papyrus rambled on and on about the history of puzzle making, and how some of the most famous puzzles came to be. It was one of the best feelings Papyrus felt in a long time. To be able to share his favourite things with someone who genuinely cares about them... And the dog stayed to listen to every. Single. Word.

Papyrus knew that not everyone was as passionate about their interests as he is. He also felt that people should be MORE passionate about their interests. After all, there's no shame in really caring about a subject. And to Papyrus, it seemed like the dog agreed.

Puzzles are a very big interest for Papyrus. You could even call it a special interest.

Once Papyrus finally ran out of things to talk about, he fell silent, slowly petting the pleasant pooch on his lap.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU MIGHT BE THE MOST IRRITATING THING THAT'S EVER WALKED INTO MY LIFE, BUT YOU'RE ALSO ONE OF THE BEST. I AM VERY SORRY FOR HOW I ACTED EARLIER. I HOPE YOU FIND IT IN YOURSELF TO-"

Suddenly, the dog jumped up.

"OH? WHAT ARE YOU UP TO, BOY?"

Before Papyrus could even process what was even happening, the little white furball snatched up the bag in his mouth and started vibrating. And vibrating. And what's that music? It sounded very goofy and... doggish?

Speaking of dogs, he just started floating. And flying. Through the ceiling. And into the void.

The song faded just as the dog did.

...

...

...

WHAT.

Papyrus didn't know how long he sat there, staring at the ceiling with his jaw dropped open. But he knew it was definitely long enough for Sans to come home and find him alone in his room, with his jaw dropped open. He looked like a goldfish who discovered the meaning of life.

"hey, uh... papyrus?"

He immediately jolted out of his trance.

"UM... Y-YES?" Oh, dog god, what was he gonna tell him? That the dog just FLEW AWAY?!

"so, the dog... he's gone?"

Papyrus just nodded, not wanting to say anything.

Sans just sighed sadly. "guess someone already picked him up. that's a shame. i'm gonna miss the little guy."

Yeah... Sure. Papyrus knew that if there's one thing he knew about Sans, it's that he bounces back quickly.

"anyway, now that's over with, wanna go get some nice cream? i found someone selling it in the forest earlier."

Nice cream? Who's selling nice cream in a snowy town?

Nonetheless, Papyrus really needed to get his mind off of what just happened. So he agreed.

"alright, let's go."

"YES! LET'S! GO GET NICE CREAM! NYEH!" Well, that was awkward. Luckily, Sans didn't really seem to notice. How strange.

Everything about this day was strange.

But despite everything, Papyrus has a strong premonition that that wasn't going to be the last time he saw that meddling canine. Not by a long shot.

Chapter Text

It was a relatively clear day in Snowdin. As clear as you're gonna get with the snow everywhere, anyway. Within the hustle and bustle of the town, one could hear children playing in the snow and adults making dark jokes to each other to take their minds off the fact that they aren't able to see the sun. Grillby's was especially busy, as it always is on a Saturday. And a particular skeleton was slowly becoming more and more of a regular there as time went on.

Funnily enough, throughout their entire few weeks of living in Snowdin, Papyrus had never been to Grillby's before. Why? Well...

"SANS!! WHY ARE YOU TAKING ME TO A GREASE HOLE?!?!"

That's why.

"come on, papyrus, i've already told you. there are plenty of nice people there. you might as well get out sometime, right? you can't spend all your time trying to get friends on social media. you gotta find people in real life too."

"BUT WHY AT GRILLBY'S?!?!" Papyrus whined loudly. Sans sighed heavily through his nose. As much as the boys try to keep a balanced relationship, there were times where one of them had to take the "big brother" shoes. And it was apparently Sans' turn today. It made sense, after all. Sans is the older twin, after all, even if it was only by four minutes.

"come on, baby bro." Sans teased. Papyrus' eyes shifted into his iconic googly eyes. Now they're getting somewhere. "you're not gonna let a little bit of grease get in the way of being popular, are you? i thought you were the great papyrus."

"WELL, THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS STANDARDS!! VERY HIGH ONES, IN FACT!!"

"yeah? well, from what i heard, the great papyrus is willing to overcome any obstacle to get what he wants, including 'disgusting grease holes'. unless... you know..." Sans shrugged smugly. "i heard the rumors wrong."

Papyrus' strange googly eyes bulge out of his head.

"NO, YOU DID NOT HEAR THE RUMORS WRONG!!! I WILL PROVE IT TO YOU THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, CAN OVERCOME ANY OBSTACLE!!!" Stubborn as ever, but now fueled by something else to prove, Papyrus briskly stormed into Grillby's, head held high. Meanwhile, Sans chuckled to himself about his brilliant victory, before casually strolling in after him.

Papyrus wanted to slap Sans in the face. As soon as he stormed in, his nasal cavity was immediately hit with the repungent smell of grease. It made him want to throw up. Can skeletons throw up? Oh, does Papyrus hope they do.

And as expected on a Saturday, it was almost filled to the brim with various families wanting to get brunch for their kids. The chatter was constant, it almost became white noise. However, Papyrus didn't mind this. After all, Sans was right, there are a lot of people he can befriend here! Maybe even show off his really cool muscles to them!

He still wanted to slap Sans in the face, though. Yes. Slap the skeleton next to him. Right across the face.

"ow!"

"WHOOPSY DOOPSY! SORRY, SANS! REFLEX!"

"it's okay, bro." Sans rubbed his sore cheekbone from the impact.

That feeling where you feel bad about something you instantly regret because of your intrusive thoughts... That's the emotion Papyrus just experienced.

"SORRY AGAIN ANYWAY!"

"hey, it's cool. fuhgeddaboudit."

"WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU LEARN THAT ACCENT?"

"where'dja learn yours?"

"TOUCHÈ."

As the brothers walked along to the bar, Papyrus almost tripped over a couple of bags, a couple of kids, and Sans. He gripped onto a table nearby just to stand up straight. And of course Sans was laughing at him, because what else would he do?

"STOP LAUGHING! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THIS PLACE IS BUSY!!!" There were two things Papyrus' foot stomping has succeeded at doing. Making Sans laugh more, and catching the attention of the dog monsters that were sitting at the table. They were in their armor, which helped Papyrus recognise them from the snow boulder incident.

"Bork! Bork!"

"(What is it, Lesser?)"

"Oh, hi, Sans!"

The brothers whipped their heads around. There they were. The entire K9 Unit, staring at them with such interest. They already seem to recognise Sans, and Papyrus too, to an extent. Papyrus swore that he saw them before, but he doesn't exactly remember their faces.

"WOWIE... UM, H-HELLO!!!" Papyrus tried to present a more casual stance, much like his brother. Whether he succeeded or not, Papyrus was unsure.

Dogamy gave a little yelping laugh. "Hey, Sans! This must be your brother!"

Dogaressa followed suit. "(He's a goofy one, isn't he?)"

And Doggo. "Hey, I'm getting this funny vision. He looks still, but I can only see moving things."

Huh. That's weird. Sans checked on his brother, only to find that Papyrus is shaking so hard that he's rattling. Whether he's excited or nervous or both, Sans couldn't tell. Either way, Sans was excited to play hype man.

"yup, this is my baby brother. in the lack of flesh."

Papyrus was pulled out of his trance by sheer outrage. "WHAT?!?!?!"

"(Wait, what?)"

"I thought you said he was your twin brother, Sans."

"oh, trust me. he is. but with the way he's been acting recently, he might as well be my awesomest baby bro ever!"

If that wasn't already humiliating enough, Sans just had to take the opportunity to pinch Papyrus' cheekbones and pat his skull like he was some sort of cat. All this just made Papyrus' eyes bulge out his skull even more.

And the teasing. Oh boy, the teasing!

"he's just my previous baby bro on his way to get some milkies!"

The dogs howled with laughter. Papyrus did not regret slapping Sans anymore.

"SANS, GET OFF OF ME!!! FOUR MINUTES!!! WE ARE SEPARATED BY FOUR!!!! MINUTES!!!!"

"(Oh, don't worry! I'm sure Sans was just having a laugh. Isn't that right, dear?)"

"Yes, that appears to be true, my love."

"(Hey, actually, you appear to be rather energetic. We could use some of that.)"

The teasing was forgotten. "REALLY?"

"(Yeah! Sometimes we like to go out into the woods and play fetch.)"

"sounds fetching." Sans winked.

"SANS!!!" Papyrus scoffed, but the dogs' activities sounded... enticing. He didn't know why he found it enticing, he just did. After all, he's chewed his fair share of sticks as a baby bones. And shredded his stuffed toys. And Sans'. He never actually confessed to Sans about that. He probably still thinks a raccoon did it. Yikes.

Dogamy spoke up. "If you want, you can come along!"

"ME?"

Papyrus looked at Sans for confirmation that this was actually happening. All he got was a nod back. That means... That means...

"OF COURSE!!! BUT I MUST WARN YOU, THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS NEVER BEEN BEATEN AT FETCH, AND I CERTAINLY WON'T BE BEAT ANY TIME SOON!!!"

"We'll hold you up to that, mister."

"PAPYRUS."

"(Papyrus!)"

The dogs howled in celebration. Papyrus could hardly contain his excitement! He could... He could... "hang out" with a group of friends??!! This is the best day ever!

He didn't notice Sans pulling him away until they were sitting at the counter.

"so, what are ya hankerin' for?"

"SANS, YOU'RE NOT A COWBOY." Papyrus crossed his arms, unimpressed.

Sans just shrugged in response. "yeah, i know, but the accent is fun."

"HMPH. FINE, THEN. I'LL HAVE YOUR FINEST MILK, MR GRILLBY, PLEASE!"

The literal hot head with a cool mind gave a simple nod and wandered into the kitchen.

"HMM... HE DOESN'T TALK MUCH, DOES HE?"

"nah, some other guy talks for him."

"IS HE SHY OR SOMETHING? MAYBE HE NEEDS A GREAT PAPYRUS SPEECH!"

"no... no speeches, please." Sans still hasn't gotten over the last time Papyrus made one of his inspirational speeches. It was mostly bragging, to be blunt. But then again, Sans always found them inspiring. Too bad that other guy didn't.

Grillby worked fast. Soon enough, a fresh glass of milk was placed in front of Papyrus, as well as a plate of complementary fries. Papyrus closely inspected the fries, and Sans just took one.

"WHAT? HEY!"

"what? they're greasy. greasy fries." Sans chomped on another fry.

There was no stopping him. Papyrus just let Sans have the fries. See, even The Great Papyrus knew when to throw in the towel! Or throw a door wide open.

The door flew wide open and didn't close. Who could be rude enough to NOT close the door behind them in a town as cold as this?

There was only one answer.

Jerry.

"Eurgh! This place is filthy!" Said the filthy monster, covered in slime and snot.

Everyone in the vicinity collectively groaned. Everyone except for Papyrus, that is. The newbie was just mostly confused. What was it about this guy that made everyone groan like that, including his brother?

"SANS, WHO IS THAT?"

Sans rolled his eyes and tried to avoid having Jerry in his vision. "a little turd bag, that's 'who's that'."

Papyrus didn't get it. So he just observed.

Jerry swiftly went over to the dogs' table and knocked the cards over, banging the table like some sort of defective drum.

"Waiter! Waiter! Are you going to give me service or not?"

Grillby nonchalantly cleaned a glass. Nobody could see his face, but they can tell he wasn't happy to have to serve this guy. His tense shoulders spoke volumes.

"Waiter! Waiter! Oh my god, what is taking so long?!"

Jerry stormed over to the counter, pushing away two monsters that were carrying their food to their table. He slammed his fist down right next to where Sans is sitting. Sans instinctively flinched and leaned as far away from him as possible.

"Hey, hot head! Are you going to serve me or what?!"

Sans could just see the slime dripping down from the guy from here. He briefly entertained the thought of a skeleton throwing up something other than magic. Is that even possible without a stomach? He didn't know, but he was tempted to see if he could.

Grillby carefully placed the glass down and put on his best "polite customer service" act towards the ill-tempered monster.

"Finally!" Jerry groaned with exaggeration. "By the way, is your 'establishment' fireproof, or are you just barely keeping yourself from burning down the whole place? You don't look like you belong in Snowdin. Better be careful, you might start a forest fire."

Sans had just about enough of this nonsense. "gee, jerry, good question. you know, i've always wondered a little about you myself. are you supposed a squid, or are you just something i had to scrape off the bottom of my shoe? better be careful, you might start a pandemic with that snotty mouth of yours."

Papyrus was absolutely astounded by the sheer amount of sass Sans just gave. And judging by the 'oohs' and 'got hims' from the crowd, it appears that he was justified. Why?

Meanwhile, the flame didn't say anything, but his flames flickered in approval at Sans' comment. However, customer service does come as a priority to the guy. Too bad he couldn't just kick him out without a proper excuse, especially since the Royal Guards are around.

So they're stuck with him. Perfect.

"Oh, great. The skinless freak's back."

"HEY!!!" Papyrus raised his voice. A lack of manners is one thing, but insulting his brother is crossing the line! "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, SANS IS THE SECOND BEST SKINLESS FREAK AROUND!"

"Ew, there's two of them?!"

"hey. watch your bigger butt hole, buddy."

"Ugh, fine. I'm sitting as far away from these two as possible."

With that, Jerry stormed over to the other side of the restaurant and placed his mucus-covered body down on the chair in the corner. Just where he belongs.

Papyrus... was very taken aback from that interaction. What is with that guy? He came in here, was rude to the waiter, insulted his brother... He's a piece of work. But maybe... Maybe?

"GOSH... IS HE HAVING A BAD DAY OR SOMETHING?"

"bro, he makes bad days happen." Sans reaches down to grab a fry, but he hesitates. He inspects the fries for any slime that might have dripped into the bowl instead.

"BUT I DON'T GET IT. WHY ELSE WOULD HE GO SO FAR AS TO MAKE OTHERS MISERABLE? WHEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE A BAD DAY, I SMILE AND TRY TO BRING JOY TO OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES BECAUSE IT CHEERS ME UP!! BUT... I KNOW NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE THAT. PERHAPS HE NEEDS A NEW PERSPECTIVE."

"Nah, man. There's no changing that guy. Jerry's the WORST." A slobby fish-like monster, by the name of Zeeds, spoke up. "Like seriously. The worst. Any redeeming qualities he might have had have been squashed out of him a long time ago. Some people are just downright despicable."

Papyrus slammed his hands on the table, sporting a determined expression. "NO!!! NO ONE IS COMPLETELY BAD!!! EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE THE CHANCE TO MAKE GOOD CHOICES!!! AND I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM THE KING OF GOOD CHOICES!!!!" The lanky skeleton climbed onto the table and struck the coolest pose he can muster. Somehow, despite being indoors, his vermilion scarf flapped in the wind. What wind? Delta knows! It's cool!!! And what's even cooler was what Papyrus did next.

"JERRY I-DON'T-KNOW-YOUR-LAST-NAME!!!" He made sure to grab Jerry's attention... by pointing at him like some kind of disgruntled superhero? "I HAVE NOTICED THAT YOU... ARE A COMPLETE WEIRDO!!! AND A JERK, AND YOU'RE TOTALLY GROSS, AND I WOULD PREFER IT IF I NEVER HAVE TO TOUCH YOU WITH A 20 FOOT POLE!!!! BUT I KNOW THAT BENEATH ALL OF THAT GROSSNESS IS A MONSTER WITH THE POTENTIAL TO MAKE GOOD CHOICES AND TURN HIMSELF AROUND!!! SO!!!!"

He leaped off the table in a flourish, landing like a superhero in the middle of the restaurant. As if he wasn't the centre of attention before...

"YOU, JERRY, NEED GUIDANCE!!!! AND WHAT BETTER GUIDANCE THAN THIS DASHING SKELETON RIGHT HERE!?!? THAT'S RIGHT!!! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM OFFERING TO BECOME..."

He slid towards Jerry with a spin. One could get the impression that Papyrus was a theatre kid of some kind.

"YOUR FRIEND!!!"

The room fell silent as guards and regulars alike sat and wondered... What the hell was Papyrus getting himself into? Sans especially should be embarrassed but... Gosh, his brother was just so cool, he couldn't help but stare at him with wide eyes and a large smile.

Jerry, on the other hand, was not interested nor amused. All Papyrus got out of that was a simple, "Okay." And then he got out his phone and started connecting to Grillby's WiFi.

"WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE GOOD NEWS TO ME!!!"

Meanwhile, a certain guard dog with a black mask tutted from the large table near the centre of the room.

"Man, that kid is screwed."

The other dogs, even though they hate to admit it, had to agree with Doggo on that one. He was screwed.

--------

There has GOT to be some good in Jerry, Papyrus thought as he walked around in little circles just outside of the library. There just HAS to be! All monsters were taught from the moment they learn about souls that monsters were made of love, hope, and compassion. It was even the textbooks, and as Papyrus knows, the textbooks are never wrong! Well, except for this annoying typo he found in Sans' astronomy book, but other than that, it's never wrong! Surely it's not just propaganda... right?

Right! So that meant all monsters have compassion deep down inside! Including Jerry! Jerry, who's... next to a tree, poking a poor antlered kid.

"Watch your antlers! They're bigger than my grandma's crusty toenail!" Jerry screamed at the poor kid, slapping her antlers around willy-nilly.

The poor kid stuttered. "I don't think I needed to know that..."

"Oh my god, and I didn't need to see your snivelling face! Get out of here!"

Papyrus couldn't help but feel bad for the girl. She can't help her antlers! Besides, they weren't even that big! Jerry must have walked into her when he wasn't looking, and then pinned the blame on her! Now, that just won't do! Someone has to step in to help that child! It's a good thing The Great Papyrus was around!

Without hesitation, Papyrus briskly walked over. "HEY, JERRY, FRIEND???"

Jerry reflexively let out a loud groan when he heard Papyrus' voice.

"NOW, THAT JUST WASN'T NICE!!!" He waggled his finger and tutted like a mother. "IT'S NOT HER FAULT FOR HAVING ANTLERS!! JUST LIKE IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT FOR HAVING GROSS WARTS!!!"

The deer girl snickered. Jerry gave him the death glare. Papyrus wasn't deterred, however.

"NOW, WHEN WE SAY SOMETHING WE DIDN'T MEAN, OR WHEN WE MAKE A MISTAKE THAT ENDS UP HURTING ANOTHER PERSON, WE APOLOGISE!! SURELY YOU KNOW HOW TO APOLOGISE, RIGHT? EVERYONE HAS APOLOGISED AT LEAST ONCE IN THEIR LIVES, SO THERE'S NO SHAME IN DOING IT!!! IN FACT, IT CAN REALLY PUT YOU IN SOMEONE'S GOOD GRACES WHEN YOU DO IT CORRECTLY!!! SO TRY IT!!! APOLOGISE TO THE ANTLERED GIRL!!!"

There was only one sentence on Jerry's mind. 'Are you serious?!' But alas, this guy wasn't going to leave unless he actually tried, so...

"Ick... Fine. I'm sorry your antlers are so ugly and huge."

"NOT LIKE THAT!!!"

Jerry had enough. Backhand!!!

Papyrus easily caught it. The antlered girl took this opportunity to run away.

"NOW, THAT JUST WON'T DO!!!" Papyrus cringed at the slime the action got on his glove. Note to self: wash gloves thoroughly. "JERRY, I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!! A REAL APOLOGY CONSISTS OF ADMITTING THAT YOU WERE WRONG, AND A PROMISE TO OWN UP TO YOUR MISTAKE, LIKE APOLOGISING FOR A LOUSY, MEDIOCRE PUZZLE WITH A BETTER, MORE FIERY PUZZLE!!! BUT THIS WAS JUST A BACKHANDED APOLOGY!!! LITERALLY." He was all too glad to let go of Jerry's wrist. "NOW, LET ME WALK YOU THROUGH A PROPER APOLOGY!! FIRST, YOU-"

Jerry groaned loudly. You could almost hear the bile in his throat since it sounded more like he was gargling.

--------

Perhaps Papyrus was wrong about Jerry.

Perhaps he just had the wrong approach towards him.

Perhaps there was more to him than what meets the eye.

And there is only one way to find out!

Papyrus didn't appreciate the woods enough. Usually, when he went into the woods, he was always building snowmen and throwing snowballs at his brother. He doesn't tend to slow down and appreciate the serenity of the landscape. But now... he is! And who better to appreciate it with than the new friend he's trying to get to know?

...Well, okay, there is one other person that Papyrus would prefer to spend time with much more, but that's besides the point. This was about getting to know what's inside of Jerry's soul, after all. Surely, there must be some good deep down inside, right?

"AREN'T THE WOODS SO NICE AT THIS TIME OF YEAR? YOU KNOW, I HEARD WINTER IS ON ITS WAY... ON THE SURFACE, OF COURSE!! NYEH HEH HEH!! IT'S ALWAYS WINTER IN THIS SIDE OF THE UNDERGROUND, AM I RIGHT??" Papyrus glanced at Jerry with a smile. Unfortunately, the squid thing couldn't care less. He was too busy playing a mobile game on his phone to pay attention. Papyrus suppressed a small sigh. Teenagers are hard. Maybe he just had to engage.

"OOH, WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING THERE?" He tries. He really tries.

Jerry just gave a grunt of dismissal. Teenagers.

"IT LOOKS FUN!!! NOT AS FUN AS PUZZLES, OF COURSE, B-BUT IT LOOKS ENTICING!!!" Yeah, lying through your teeth is the way to go, good job, Papyrus!

Jerry didn't catch on to the lie. Because he didn't pay attention at all. Dang it.

Papyrus felt like a twig that was about to snap. "JERRY, PLEASE, I AM TRYING TO ENGAGE WITH YOU HERE!!! WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?!?!"

That got his attention.

"What do I like to do? Play Human Raider Dungeons, that's what I like to do."

"HUMAN RAIDER WHAT WHAT?"

"You're so dense." Jerry groaned. "It's only the top selling MMORPG in the entire underground. You build your monster armies and raid human civilizations. And bonus points, you get to beat up other players while you're at it."

Jerry chuckled sinisterly. "I do love slaying noobs, especially little kids. They get so angry!" He continued with his evil snickering, which Papyrus wasn't... too pleased about. But hey, it's just a video game! It's not like- Oh, and he's trolling kids now and calling them swear words. Why is he like this?

"UM... SO!!!" Papyrus almost put his scarf in his mouth to chew, before he thought of another question. "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?"

"Am emperor dictator."

"OH... I... SEE? ANYTHING ELSE?"

"Rich enough to make the poor grovel at my feet."

"HOW ORIGINAL." Papyrus snarked. "AND WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR? YOU KNOW, FOR THE SURFACE WORLD?"

Jerry turned to Papyrus and gave him the most sinister look one could think of. "The complete and total destruction of humanity."

Well... Now Papyrus wants to run and hide! But no! He must stand up and face him! After all, this is someone he's trying to find the good in, despite the difficulty level being REALLY REALLY HIGH!

"WELL... YOU WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST ONE TO SAY THAT?" After all, why would that human hunting policy be in place if not for at least some humans being 'destroyed'? Oh god, this is awful. Papyrus was getting nowhere with this. Well, except the fact that Jerry had warmed up to him enough to open up... That's a start?

--------

Nobody could be that detestable without good reason! After all, how can a baby be born evil? Surely something must have happened to make Jerry this way! At least that's what Papyrus thought to himself as he asked Jerry for a little "playdate" at his house. He even made sure to look forward to it, despite the truth that he really REALLY didn't.

"WOWIE, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING TO STAY AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE!!!" Papyrus forced himself to act cheerful, but even the second-densest individual can see how much he's straining himself to smile. "I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY DONE THIS BEFORE!! TALK ME THROUGH IT!!!"

Jerry gave Papyrus a side-eyed glance. "You never went to someone else's house before? I'm not surprised."

"THEN YOU MUST HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE, HUH? WELL, NO WORRIES!!" Papyrus whipped out a special handbook. "I SNAGGED A GUIDE ON HOW TO BE A GOOD GUEST FROM THE LIBRARY!!! THIS PLAYDATE WILL BE AN OPTIMAL EXPERIENCE!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!!!"

Jerry rolled his eyes and unlocked the door to his house. It's only one of many houses around the back of Snowdin. It's way off the usual path through the Underground, but it's not exactly hidden. The neighbourhood seemed rather cozy, actually.

The house, not so much. The repungent smell of slime and grease filled Papyrus' nasal cavity, and the house itself was a state. Litter and half-eaten food occupied every desk, tabletop, and shelf. He almost wanted to barf. Who was in charge of cleaning around here?! Not to mention the claustrophobic entrance corridor. There were stacks upon stacks of empty boxes, and the cupboard under the nearby stairs was overflowing with random paraphernalia, from weights that were likely never used to pots and pans that should belong in the kitchen, but somehow don't, all the way to straight up GARDEN supplies. They didn't have a garden that would call for that much plant food! It's all SNOW! What plants did they expect to grow in a town that was constantly filled with SNOW?!

Well, one thing's for sure. Papyrus could now justify in his head why Jerry was always so dirty. He almost felt bad for the guy.

He flipped through the guest rulebook.

"Step 1: Compliment the host's home."

Of course...

"WOOOOOOW!" The grossed out skeleton put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest, like he's playing the part of a proud friend. "YOUR HOME IS... UHH... IT HAS CHARACTER!"

"Mom leaves her stuff everywhere. She doesn't bother to clean up half the time." Jerry said before briskly walking through the door to the right. It appeared to be the living room. Hopefully it was cleaner than whatever... this is.

This was clearly a home of neglect. At least Papyrus is getting somewhere now. And that somewhere would be the living room. Hopefully it was...

Nope. Not even close. He couldn't even tell the difference between sofa, floor and trash. He doesn't know how, but somehow it smelled even worse than before. And the random stuff just piled up EVERYWHERE. Is Jerry's mom a hoarder?

Oh, wait. There she is, sitting on the only armchair that wasn't already covered in trash. She looked a lot like Jerry, except she was bigger, wider and has a pale brownish- purple complexion. Oh, and she has less warts, which is always a plus. Well! No time to delay! Papyrus flipped through his handy handbook.

"Step 2: Shake host's hand and greet them politely."

Well well well, Papyrus thought. Don't mind if I do!

"HELLO!!! YOU MUST BE JERRY'S MOTHER!!!"

Her voice came out rather raspy, but sweet at the same time. "Greetings, young man! Oh, it has been such a long time since we had guests. Apologies for the mess. I've been meaning to organise everything for a while, but, well... There just hasn't been enough space for it all, unfortunately. But enough of that. Where are my manners? My name is Terri. And yes, I'm Jerry's mother."

Her smile was gross, but somewhat endearing. Papyrus didn't know what to think about this. Well... It couldn't hurt to be polite, especially since she is.

"PAPYRUS." He tentatively reached out to shake her hand... It was covered in slime. Yup. Definitely going to have to wash his gloves.

"May I offer you a refreshment?"

Before Papyrus could answer, Terri pressed a button on the armrest and all of a sudden, little wheels sprouted out from the bottom of the armchair. She used the controls to slowly roll across the room, knocking over a lamp and a painting of a painting... of a painting of a painting, and so on. The paintingception didn't stand a chance... Well, that explained the mess, anyway.

When she came back, she was holding a plate full of expired and mouldy food. It made Papyrus want to cringe, but he didn't know what to do. He turned to the guidebook for guidance.

"Step 3: Always accept the host's refreshments."

Life had it out for Papyrus, it seemed. But this book was written by an expert, so he had to comply.

"UM... SURE?" He carefully took the plate and... just stared at the mould. There's no way he was eating this. He wouldn't hear the end of it from Sans if he did.

Maybe he could feed them to Sans?

No. No. That would make Papyrus a horrible brother if he made Sans eat this garbage. Sans didn't deserve that! He deserved nice things like pink cake with sprinkles and very little icing!

Maybe he could even feed it to that mangy mutt he regularly encounters? It is very tempting to...

Papyrus' train of thought was interrupted by yet another crash. This time, it was an ugly green vase that was knocked down by Terri's sofa wheelchair thing, swiftly followed by her accidentally knocking into the computer desk.

Jerry, who was playing Human Raider Dungeons on the computer, jerked towards his mother in a fit of rage.

"Mom! Keep your paraplegic butt away from my game!"

"Sorry, son!" Terri braked her chair with a sigh. Poor mother, Papyrus thought. She seemed like a nice person as well. What did she do to deserve a son like Jerry?

"JERRY, THAT WAS RUDE!"

As usual, Jerry just scoffed at Papyrus' scolding. What else could the cool skeleton do, anyhow?

"Oh, don't worry about that, my dear. Jerry's just going through puberty, you know how it is." Terri tried to reassure Papyrus. It was a valiant effort.

Puberty doesn't excuse anything, though. Papyrus knew that by experience.

Terri made an effort to smile. "Here, how about I show you some pictures of my little boy, huh? I've always wanted to do this."

"MOM!!!!!!" Jerry snapped.

"He's never had a real friend before."

"That's NOT true!!!!"

Papyrus let out a little laugh. Looking at Jerry's childhood photos sounded like a great idea! That way, Papyrus can try to find the catalyst for Jerry's borderline evil behaviour! It's perfect!!!

He stuck a pose. "WHY OF COURSE!!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WOULD LOVE TO SEE THEM!!!!"

A low embarrassed growl rumbled from the boy at the computer desk. At the same time, a slightly gross but charming smile spread on the wheelchair-bound mother's face.

"Come over here, dear." She pat the arm of the chair, motioning for Papyrus to sit. After a moment of hesitation, Papyrus sat uncomfortably on the arm of the wheelchair, watching as the lady pulled out a photo album from the nearest bookshelf, and flickered through it. The photo album looked practically vintage, with photos dating all the way back to when Terri and what Papyrus could assume is Jerry's dad were dating. Soon enough, she got to Jerry's baby pictures.

The first picture of Jerry as a newborn was innocent enough. A baby Jerry, being carried by a hospitalised Terri. Terri in question was connected to some sort of IV that pumped magic into her system. Terri was never the picture of perfect health, Papyrus noted.

"AWW, HOW SWEET!!!" Papyrus made a show of how innocent the picture looked. "WAS THIS WHEN JERRY WAS BORN?"

"Close! This was a few days afterwards. I was in the hospital for quite some time. Giving birth can be quite dangerous when your magic reserves were already low to begin with." The mother smiled with a wistful gleam in her eyes. Almost as if she's... longing for something to return. "Here's a life lesson, my dear. Never take the things you can do for granted. Because you'll never know if, or when, they will be taken away from you."

Terri stared through the photo album and into her lap, leaving Papyrus to connect the dots. Oh... Oh, how sad.

It didn't take long for Terri to look at Papyrus and smile again.

"But you're very young and sprightly! And a skeleton, to boot. I heard skeletons live a long time."

"Y-YEAH!!! 250 YEARS, GIVE OR TAKE!! NYEH HEH HEH... HEH..." Papyrus began chewing on his scarf. He didn't know how long he can take this heavy atmosphere.

Terri nodded wistfully. "Yes, yes... A long, long time indeed, my dear..."

Papyrus tried to think of something to say that would break the ice, but...

...

In a mild frenzy, Papyrus just flipped the page, bringing Terri out of her sad, sad mind.

The next photos consisted of an innocent baby Jerry, doing the typical baby things. Sleeping, eating, taking a bath... Committing arson... Wait, what?

Oh, Delta, he actually committed arson?!?! And Papyrus thought Scripts couldn't get any paler. Any colour he would have had in his face was completely gone when he saw that photo!

And to make matters even worse, Terri suppressed a fond giggle. She was so fond of this moment that she TOOK A PICTURE OF IT?!

"T-TERRI?! WHY ON EARTH DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF JERRY SETTING THE FOREST ON FIRE!?!?!"

Her giggles sounded more and more deranged the longer Papyrus heard them. "Oh, you know how babies can be, my dear. They get rather cranky when they don't get their milkies on time!"

The notorious Papyrus googly eyes made yet another appearance, coupled with a classic skeleton jaw drop. It's a good thing Papyrus didn't have the type of mandible that could easily disconnect. That would've been a hassle.

Ah, so Jerry was... like THAT... since he was a baby, then. Good to know...

Meanwhile, the obnoxiously loud computer game only became more noticeable once Papyrus had solid proof that Jerry was just like this since infancy. How can a monster lean into his... BAD side so much? Papyrus doesn't understand... He CAN'T understand...

"GET OUT OF MY WAY, NOOBS!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Jerry's snotty cackle obnoxiously rang through the entire living room. And it just kept going.

Something unexpected occurred.

"YEAH, JERRY!!!!! DESTROY THOSE NOOBS!!!! LEAVE THAT KID IN THE DUST!!!!! MAKE SURE THEY KNOW HOW PATHETIC THEY ARE!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Oh, Delta. Papyrus really needed to get out of here. This family is insane!

And Terri was such a sweet lady too... But as it turned out, she had just been encouraging Jerry to be this way... That wasn't right. None of this is right at all!

Fine, then. If Papyrus cannot find any good in Jerry as he is, then he will just have to TEACH HIM how to be good!!

It's a good thing Papyrus is an expert at being good! He's perfection PERSONIFIED!!! Papyrus: Perfection Personified!!!!

Under his teachings, Jerry will become the greatest version of himself he could ever be! Papyrus was sure of it!

Well... Half-sure, at least. It would take a lot of work.

.......And they're STILL cackling..........

--------

Papyrus had three days. THREE DAYS to rethink this entire operation, to change plans, to hope Jerry declined his invitation. But nope! Now they're here, standing outside Papyrus' house, ready for yet another "friend date"...

Brilliant. Just brilliant. Papyrus cannot wait to put this week in the back of his mind. That's where all his undesirable memories go! He can't even remember any of it because that's how undesirable they are! Sans told him it was unhealthy, but what does he know?! Papyrus had it all under control!

That's what he told himself when he invited Jerry to his house, anyway. All he had to do was go inside and...

And Sans had his keys. Darn it.

"What's taking so long?" Jerry grumbled, not looking up from his phone.

"H-HOLD ON A MOMENT!!!" Papyrus pounded the door, hoping Sans was inside. Luckily, he was, because Sans opened the door not even ten seconds later.

"sup, bro?"

"HI, SANS!!! DON'T MIND US, JUST HAVING A FRIEND DATE, WITH A SPECIAL GUEST!!!" Papyrus proudly presented Jerry to Sans. Oh, everyone's faces.

The false excitement of a skeleton who was about to teach someone how to be a good person.

The disinterest of said person.

The judgemental look of a messy skeleton with ink all over his left hand and face.

...

...

SLAM!

"WHAT TH- SANS, OPEN UP!!!" Papyrus stomped his foot in frustration before turning to Jerry. "I APOLOGISE ON MY BROTHER'S BEHALF, HE CAN BE VERY RUDE SOMETIMES!!!"

"What's your WiFi password?"

"UGH, SERIOUSLY?!"

Papyrus banged the door so much he started to worry that it will eventually BREAK.

"SANS!!! COME ON!!! THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!"

Sans opened the door.

"FINALLY!!! NOW, COULD YOU PLEASE LET US IN?"

"i'd let you in any day of the week, bro. but why... him?" He gestured his ink-covered left hand towards the slimy teen.

"SANS, IT'S RUDE TO INSULT A GUEST. YOU KNOW THIS."

"sorry, bro. i ain't letting him get snot all over the sofa. i don't know where he's been."

"SANS!!!"

That's it. Sans left him with no choice. Papyrus was going to have to hit him with his ULTIMATE ATTACK!

He made the best puppy eyes he could muster and made sure Sans kept his attention on him.

"PLEASE, BROTHER? I'M SURE I CAN UNLOCK SOME GOODNESS INSIDE OF HIM... DON'T YOU TRUST ME?"

Oh no. Oh no no no NO NO NO NO.

Sans can't stand it when Papyrus makes that face, he just can't! He always found some way of melting his nonexistent heart. Dang it!

He cringed into himself, resisting the best he could, but it was no use. Once Papyrus shed a tear, it was all over.

"ugh, fine... just keep him away from my room."

"NYEH HEH!!! ANOTHER VICTORY FOR PAPYRUS!!! COME ON, JERRY!!!!!" With a blur, Papyrus grabbed Jerry's arm and dragged him inside the house.

"Hey, watch it! You almost made me drop my phone!"

Welp, guess Sans wasn't going to come out of his room for a long long while. Not while the lessons are going on, anyway.

Ah yes. The goodness lessons. That's what they're here for! Papyrus is Jerry's mentor, and Jerry is his faithful student! He'll inspire greatness in Jerry, and soon, he will be-

"Hey! What's your WiFi password?! Come on, I didn't think I had to ask twice!"

...This was gonna take a lot of work.

"NO NEED FOR THAT, JERRSTER!!! CAN I CALL YOU JERRSTER?"

"No."

"DULY NOTED!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!" Papyrus purposefully plucked Jerry's phone out of his hands.

"Hey!!! I need that! Give it back!!!" Jerry attempts to grab his phone, but it was no use! Papyrus' height was just too overwhelming for his tiny tentacle legs! So he eventually just gave up and moaned into the carpet.

"OH, COME ON! DON'T BE LIKE THAT! YOU'RE ALMOST STARTING TO REMIND ME OF MY BROTHER, AND NOBODY WANTS TO BE COMPARED LIKE THAT!!" He placed Jerry's phone on a high shelf in the kitchen before helping him up. "NOW, JERRY I-DON'T-KNOW-YOUR-LAST-NAME!!! I INVITED YOU HERE FOR A REASON!!! AND THAT REASON IS TO HELP YOU!!!"

"Help me? How is taking away my phone gonna help me get the high score in Human Raider Dungeons?!"

Was he seriously still on about that?

"WOW, YOU MAKE TEENAGERS LOOK REALLY DUMB. BUT NO MATTER!!!! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM HERE TO GIVE YOU LESSONS!!!! KINDNESS!!! COMPASSION!!! MODESTY!!! AND OTHER POSITIVE TRAITS!!!"

"Oh, yeah, you totally fit modesty." Jerry rolled his eyes.

"I SHALL TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!" Aha! Now he's getting somewhere! "NOW, GOODNESS LESSON NUMBER ONE! GOOD PEOPLE HELP OTHERS! LIKE WITH THEIR HOMEWORK, OR MOVING FURNITURE!!! LET ME DEMONSTRATE!!!"

Papyrus quickly looked around the kitchen. What could he use as a demonstration...? Aha! The fridge! That's perfect! He bounds over and starts pulling the fridge towards him, Jerry quickly following behind.

"Really? You expect me to carry that for you?"

"WELL... UGH... TEAMWORK... NYH... MAKES THE DREAM WORK!!! THAT'S HOW THE SAYING... HNGH... GOES, RIGHT?? HHHHHH!!!"

With a hoist and a yank, Papyrus finally managed to lift the fridge off the ground. Not the best idea. Papyrus was strong, but he wasn't that strong!

"EEEEEE!!!" Papyrus' legs wobbled, struggling to keep himself upright. "JERRY!!!?? THIS WOULD BE THE P-PERFECT TIME TO HELP ME!!!!!" He huffed and puffed like a bodybuilder at the gym. Wait, does the underground even have a gym? There must be, otherwise how would Ice Wolf have gotten so buff?

After what felt like minutes struggling to keep the fridge up, Papyrus started to lose hope that Jerry would come to his rescue. He was about to call out for Sans when something incredible happened!

Jerry came over to help! He was keeping the fridge up with him!

This was... incredible!

"JERRY!!! OH MY GOD!!! I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW YOU HAD SOME GOOD IN YOU!!!"

"Sure, sure, can I have my phone back?"

"WELL... YOU SEE... THIS WAS JUST LESSON ONE!!! WE STILL HAVE OTHER LESSONS TO GET THROUGH BEFORE-"

Suddenly, the weight of the fridge collapsed on Papyrus. Jerry let go! That dingbat!

"OWW..."

Jerry let out a little chuckle at the display. Pain was silly. Pain was fun! Seeing Papyrus in pain only reminded him of that. In fact... He could do it again!

Someway, somehow, Jerry lifted up the fridge with ease.

"WHEW, THANK YOU!!!" A beat. "WAIT, HOW DID YOU-"

He let go again.

CRUNCH!

"OWW!!! NYOO HOO HOO HOO..." Papyrus sobbed from the pain. And all Jerry responded with was a wheezy snicker. Oh, the agony! He regretted everything!

But Papyrus hasn't given up! Not by a long shot! Perhaps the next lesson will get through to him! It has to! It just has to!

--------

Perhaps asking Jerry for help was too much for a first lesson. Papyrus just had to start off smaller! Like playing a humble video game! Nothing violent or graphic, just something like...

Mushroom World! A quaint farming game where you grow your own mushrooms and befriend mythical creatures in a magical forest. It's almost like real life! If real life was full of fairies and elves buying and selling mushrooms and being dateable.

Papyrus made really good progress, actually! He was already on Friendship Level 4 with his best fairy friend, Damian, and he almost has enough for a BONE-fide beehive section on his farm!

"THIS GAME IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE GAMES TO UNWIND TO!! SANS BOUGHT IT FOR ME. AHA! GIVING GIFTS!! THAT'S WHAT GOOD FRIENDS DO!!" Papyrus laughed, happily picking up mushrooms as he sat up straight on the sofa, with Jerry right next to him, slouched over the armrest and looking like the enbodiment of disinterest.

Said embodiment of disinterest rolled his eyes before staring longingly into the kitchen. Oh, how he would kill to destroy little kids online again... It was much better than whatever rainbows and sunshine bullcrap this was. Why did he even agree to come over?

Papyrus took interest in Jerry's disinterest. He knew that Jerry preferred violent games, but perhaps he could benefit from a more peaceful game like this.

So that's why he made yet another stupid decision and passed Jerry the controller.

"Why are you passing me that?"

"I'M LETTING YOU TAKE TURNS! THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO! THEY SHARE!"

That kind smile... Wait, why does Jerry have the controller now?

Whatever. He had the opportunity, and he was going to TAKE IT.

Five minutes later, Papyrus was mourning over the loss of his farm.

"NOOOOO!!!! MY MUSHROOMS!!!!! MY BEES!!!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?!" Papyrus sobbed as he watched his beloved farm burn down right before his eye sockets.

And Jerry? He was just cackling like a maniac!

A strange burning sensation burned up inside Papyrus' ribcage. The type of sensation that made him want to rattle. After all, rattling is a great way for skeletons to relieve stress and get rid of tension! So that's what he allowed himself to do for a few moments.

Fine! If Jerry was going to play violently, then Papyrus might as well appeal to Jerry's interests and play a violent game with him!

Super Monster Brawl!

Now this was more of Papyrus' speed! It's a good thing Mushroom World doesn't autosave, otherwise he would've had to get Sans to fix his mushroom farm! And Sans... was occupied.

The thrills of the competition! It enticed and energised the two of them! Even though Jerry was really, really, REALLY good at it.

"OH, WHAT?!?!!?"

"Ahahahahaahahahhahaha! Noob!"

"I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!!!!!"

He did not, in fact, get him next time.

"AARRRGGHH!!!"

"Hahahahahahahaha! Why do you even play? You're terrible at it, loser!"

"BEST THREE OUT OF FIVE!!!"

Guess who won? No, it wasn't Papyrus. But at this point, he learned to accept it.

"NOOOOO!!!" Or not.

All Jerry did was laugh hysterically at Papyrus' lack of skills. For a moment, however, Papyrus was having fun with Jerry. Surprisingly enough, he can be a fun guy when they're playing games like this. Maybe... Maybe there was a chance. So, Papyrus did what any respectful loser would do. He held out his hand and willingly offered a handshake.

"WOWIE, JERRY!! YOU ARE A VERY SKILLED GAMER!! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM VERY IMPRESSED!!"

"Haha! Wh-huh?"

Jerry fell silent, staring at Papyrus like he was a loon. Was he... giving him a compliment? No one besides his parents ever gave him compliments. This was a first. And he didn't know how to feel about it.

For the first time today, Papyrus' smile was genuine. He was genuinely impressed and having fun, after all. Perhaps... Perhaps he could make this friendship work.

"...What the (BLEEP) do you think you're doing?! Skinless freak!" Jerry turned away and blew his nose on the armchair. That's gonna be hard to clean up.

Papyrus was at his wit's end, but he can't give up! He has to teach Jerry to be good, he has to!

"COME ON, JERRY! IT'S ONLY POLITE TO GIVE SOMEONE A COMPLIMENT AFTER A MATCH!"

"Even though you're a loser?"

"EVEN THOUGH I'M A LOSER."

Jerry's face contorted into a scowl. This skeleton was REALLY getting on his nerves. Why did he come over?

Was it because Papyrus was easy to make fun of? Was it because it's hilarious when he got hurt? Or was it because he was the first person to not ditch him? Ditch him like all his other "friends" did.

He doesn't know... But whatever it was, Jerry just wanted his phone back. He couldn't stand being phoneless anymore!

"Get away from me, you- you loserface!"

"NO, NO, SILLY!!! PAPYRUS IS A TYPEFACE!!"

"Well, you have an ugly typeface!" Jerry scrambled off the sofa.

"I. AM. AWARE OF THAT." Papyrus said through gritted teeth. How in the entire underground was he supposed to get through to this guy?! What good is even present in him? Was there even any good at all?!

There has to be! There has to be! Papyrus' worldview can't be wrong... can it?

Please don't let him be wrong...

--------

It had been two hours, and Sans was getting hungry. He spent all day trying to get these calculations to work right, and they're just not adding up in his head! He could use a break, and some brain food. He wondered if there was any pink cake he could snag.

For the second time today, Sans willingly tore himself away from the blueprints and quietly sneaked out of his room. Nobody could see him coming. Lowercasers are known to be incredibly stealthy due to their quiet nature, after all.

He headed downstairs, only to find that neither Papyrus nor the large encrusted booger were here. Thank goodness. He could get his snack in peace.

Wait.

What's that rustling?

The curious skeleton carefully peeked around the corner to find... Ew. Jerry.

Not this. Not now.

He appeared to be trying to climb up on the counter to grab something. Following where his hand was reaching, Sans could see a small slither of a black rectangle on the highest shelf. His phone. Papyrus must've confiscated it for whatever reason. Knowing Papyrus, he was still trying to teach Jerry how to be a good person.

Oh, Papyrus, Sans thought. There's no getting through to this guy. I'm sorry.

After a while of Jerry struggling to climb on the counter, Sans decided it was about time he made his presence known.

"you know, you could really benefit from papyrus' lessons."

Cue Jerry banging his head and landing on the ground like a clumsy toddler.

"Ugh, you again. Why do you endorse him so much? He's obnoxious and crazy!"

"i could say the same about you, jerrster."

Jerry outright snarled. Sans had to admit, he was having fun with this.

As Jerry was about to climb on the countertop again, Sans suddenly appeared in the exact spot he was climbing to, smirking and lounging like he owned the place. Which, to be fair, he kind of did. This was his kitchen after all. But that knowledge didn't help Jerry when he slipped and fell to the ground once again, this time in shock.

"Ow! You... jerk."

"heh. tell me, kid. how many people stuck around you for this long?"

"Doesn't matter!"

"hey, i'm just sayin', maybe his lessons could benefit you."

"Doesn't MATTER!"

"after all, he's going out of his way to be your friend. that's more than you could say."

"Shut up, you... b-bonehead!"

"nice one."

"Numbskull!"

"even better."

"Bonemeal!"

"hey, that's a slur."

"Great! If it can offend you, I'll say it!"

The Jerrster attempted to climb on the counter yet again. Sans smugly kicked him off and picked up his phone from the top shelf.

"say, is this whatcha lookin' for?"

"GIMME!" Jerry snatched it out of Sans' hands and grinned triumphantly... only to find out his phone ran out of charge. "DAMMIT!!!"

"whoops. heh. guess you forgot to charge it."

"Give me your charger!"

"sorry, dude. i can't. i don't have that brand."

Jerry hated it here!

Out of impulse, the squid thing wrapped one of his tentacles around Sans' ankle. The contact made Sans flinch, but he didn't lose his cool.

"whoa, hold on, kid. we can talk this out, i'm just saying, you could benefit from having a friend like-"

"NGAAAHHH!!!"

Sans didn't even know what happened! One minute, he was resting on the countertop, and the next, his head got smashed into the wall on the opposite side of the room.

He probably has a giant skull crack now. And judging from his blurry vision, a concussion.

"oww... you dibbint habtuh hit dat harb..."

Sans felt like passing out. He did NOT expect Jerry to be that strong... He looked... really big... from where he was...

A flood of panic washed over Sans.

"w-wai-"

Jerry grabbed him by the collar in a fit of rage and shook Sans relentlessly.

"I have been stuck! With your stupid brother! All day! And all he's been doing is... is... trying to parent me like I'm some baby!"

"w-whoa... cut back on the mac and cheese, man..."

Meanwhile, Papyrus had been preparing some puzzles for Jerry's next goodness lesson in his room. Although it was only half-complete, the loud bang from the kitchen told Papyrus that he should probably go check on Jerry.

And what he found was the last thing that he wanted to see.

Jerry repeatedly slamming a concussed Sans into the ground was NOT something Papyrus wanted to see! That's his brother!

That fiery burning sensation crawled up Papyrus' spine and into his ribs, stronger than ever. But this time... no amount of rattling was going to relieve this feeling.

He can't believe he ever thought someone like JERRY can improve, or even WILL improve! Throughout everything, he had proved time and time again to be a menace! An irredeemable piece of scum. And as much as Papyrus hated the thought, he had to face the truth. There was no redeeming Jerry. And there's no point in trying.

The burning sensation ran down his arms and into his hands. Papyrus could feel the electric magic build up in his phalanges, ready to strike the ultimate special attack!

But no. He'll hold back this time. After all, his brother was in the room too! Papyrus didn't want to hurt him! So he tossed a blue bone between them both.

Jerry let go of Sans in shock.

"Hey! What gives?!"

Papyrus' tone was cold and firm. His face, plastered with a darkness that nobody should ever get to see. Colder than even ice.

"GET. OUT."

Jerry opened his mouth to speak, but he was momentarily distracted by the strange aura emitting from Papyrus' hands. The aura was so strong, his gloves even began to change colour from red to blue and red again. Pulsating. Mesmerising.

"I AM DONE WITH YOU, JERRY. CLEARLY I, PAPYRUS, WAS A FOOL ONCE AGAIN. I CANNOT REDEEM YOU. I... I WANT TO HOPE THAT YOU CAN CHANGE FOR THE BETTER, BUT ALAS, I SUPPOSE I AM NOT THE ONE TO DO THAT. I'M SORRY. BUT I HAVE DONE MY BEST FOR YOU. IF YOU CANNOT FIND THE STRENGTH TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES, THEN YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE."

Sans weakly looked up at his brother. That expression... He never wanted to see that look on his face again. It was a mixture of heartbreak and protective fury. Even Jerry could pick up on it.

"Hmph! Fine! I'll leave! I don't want to deal with you two losers anyway!" Despite his words, Jerry was no less terrified of Papyrus. He scrambled out of the house before anyone else could get harmed.

"GOOD RIDDANCE!"

Now that Jerry was gone, it was time for the next priority. Softening his expression, Papyrus summoned about a dozen green bones and sent them Sans' way. Each bone that hit Sans' skull healed the crack more and more, before finally, Sans was as good as new, if a little tired and groggy.

The smaller skeleton let out a soft groan, rubbing his head. "jeez... what happened?"

He turned to face his brother with a grateful smile. However, all he could see was the still stance of a defeated Papyrus, staring at the living room carpet remorsefully. Just how often has Papyrus been put down recently? Sans lost track. But he knew he couldn't let his brother go like that.

"hey, uh..."

"WHY DID I GIVE UP ON HIM?"

"bro... there wasn't anything you could've done. he was just a butt."

"BUTT MAYBE IF I KEPT TRYING..."

"no..." Sans made an effort to pick himself up. "look. it's not your fault he's like that. some people just don't wanna change for the better. it was nice of you to try, but you just gotta realise that you can't force people to change."

Papyrus looked up, still remorseful.

"it's not your responsibility to redeem everyone. if there is good in him, he's gonna have to find it himself. and if he doesn't try, you shouldn't have to work yourself to the bone just to get him to, y'know?"

Sans paused to let the words sink in. Papyrus hid a reluctant smile at the pun, which lightened the mood a bit.

"besides, you gotta take care of yourself too. you know that you don't deserve to be around people like jerry. come on. you're better than that. you gotta be around people that like you for you. it's not good for anyone if you befriend someone only as an attempt to change their behavior. that just won't happen."

He's done it again, Papyrus thought. Whenever he started doubting himself, his brother was always there to pick him up again. Wait, doubt? Papyrus doesn't doubt!

"I SUPPOSE SO... YEAH... YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT!" Newly reinvigorated, Papyrus puffed out his chest. "IF JERRY WANTS TO MAKE GOOD DECISIONS, HE SHOULD MAKE THEM ON HIS OWN TERMS!!! AND... AND TO BE HONEST, I NEVER WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH THAT GUY ANYWAY."

"yeah, go figure. you tried, though."

"HAVE YOU SEEN HIS HOUSE?! IT'S WORSE THAN YOUR ROOM!!!"

"wow, then it must be bad."

"'BAD' IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!!"

The brothers laughed.

"thanks for helping me out back there, by the way."

"NO NEED, SANS! YOU ARE MY BROTHER! AND... AND YOU KEPT COMING THROUGH FOR ME, SO..."

"aw, c'mon, why wouldn't i help out my baby bro, huh?"

The googly eyes made a return. "WHAT."

With a mischievous grin, Sans leaned into Papyrus' side to dote on him. "nothin'. i'm just talkin' about how i would go to the end of the underground for my little brother~"

"FOUR MINUTES, SANS!!!" The taller brother at least tried to retain some of his dignity by pushing his 'bully' of a brother away. It was no use. Sans just tacked him to the floor instead. "NYAAHHH!!!"

"i don't care about the age gap, you're still my baby brother for life!"

"THAT'S IT!!!!"

A brotherly wrestling match breaks out! Sans and Papyrus, for the next minute or so, wrestled each other from the kitchen to the living room. Techniques such as noogies and tickling were also applied. By the end of it, two giggling skeletons were rattling on the floor, side by side, happily enjoying each other's company.

"SANS?"

"yeah?"

"IT'S NOT WRONG TO THINK THE WORLD IS STILL FILLED WITH MOSTLY GOOD, RIGHT?"

"of course." Sans grinned, sinking into the carpet. "there are good people everywhere, papyrus. you just gotta know where to find the ones that are best suited for you."

With a smile, Papyrus stared at the ceiling. "YEAH..."

At this moment in time, however, Papyrus didn't even need to look.

--------

Outside in the snow, a tiny rock girl was playfully kicking around a rubber ball when Jerry came up to her.

"Hey, pebble! Is that ball full of hot air? Is that the only reason why you can kick it around?"

Yeah, no. She wasn't putting up with this.

She proceeded to dropkick Jerry.

POW!

Flying through the air, Jerry could only hope he wouldn't fall into molten magma in Hotland.

He came close, but unfortunately for everyone else, Jerry lived to see another day.

Chapter Text

Papyrus opened his eyes after a nice, long four hour nap in his amazing race car bed. He was greeted by his lovely, clean room. His bones are nearly organised, his closet, full of clothes ready to be worn (most of them are crop tops, of course), his computer, properly switched off, his carpet, masterfully vacuumed.

Thinking about how clean everything is... fills Papyrus with the determination to clean even more!

And what better time than the present?!

Thus, Papyrus leaped out of bed to do the housework.

...

At five in the morning.

You would expect one to be respectful of the people that are still sleeping when they do chores early in the morning. Actually, scratch that, you would DREAM that someone would be respectful of the people that are still sleeping when they do chores early in the morning.

In this case, that dream is not coming true any time soon.

Papyrus, while usually respectful, is also very loud. And all respect goes out of the window when it comes to his brother. After all, what is Sans going to do? The worst he could do is grumble and moan.

Not that Papyrus was thinking about that when he let the dishes clack loudly against each other while he washed them.

Or when he was practically screaming at the trash bag for being hard to carry out the door.

"UGH, WHY!! DOES SANS!! OVERFILL YOU SO QUICKLY?!"

Or when he was vacuuming the house at ten to six. The vacuum wasn't exactly silent.

It's a miracle that Sans slept through all of that. Until it was time to vacuum his room.

And he forgot to lock the door.

Papyrus hummed a cheerful tune to himself as he casually strolled into Sans' bedroom with the vacuum cleaner, but the humming quickly stopped when he took one look at the state Sans' room was in. Papers thrown everywhere, science equipment left out, books scattered around, some open, some not. The crowning jewel, however, was the blueprints right in the centre of the room.

Was Papyrus curious about the blueprints? Nope! He just saw a mess in need of desperate tidying! So he quickly shoved everything out of the way and turned the vacuum cleaner on.

The noise was so sudden and startling that it woke Sans up almost instantly.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

In his disoriented stupor, Sans summoned his magic and started batting at the vacuum cleaner with bones! The vacuum was already of low quality to begin with, so it wasn't long before it cracked.

POOF!

...And exploded.

Dust covered every inch of the room, including Sans and Papyrus themselves. Their screams quickly silenced.

They stared at each other with googly eyes for what felt like days, but in reality, it was only a few seconds before Sans spoke up.

"that is not a good vacuum cleaner."

"NO, IT ISN'T."

Another awkward silence ensued.

Sans didn't see any reason to stay awake, so he collapsed on his mattress and went back to sleep.

"SANS, I SWEAR TO THE DELTA RUNE."

--------

Later, at a more reasonable time in the morning, Sans struggled to pay attention as Papyrus rambled about cleaning the house or whatever.

What was he talking about? Something to do with laundry, probably. Sans already knew he had a large pile of laundry in the hamper. And around the hamper. And in places that were nowhere near the hamper. He should probably wash his clothes instead of wearing the same dirty ones over and over again, but there were better things to do than chores.

Like his project, for instance. That was leagues more important than whatever chores he had to do. It was the one thing Sans took seriously, besides being there for his brother, of course. Oh, and space. Space was no laughing matter. If you laugh at a black hole, it would gobble you up for sure. Sans didn't feel like antagonising a black hole with bad puns. No siree, he wants out of that, thank you! Luckily there are no black holes here. Heh. Imagine if black holes were alive and got offended easily. Oh gosh, they would all be screwed...

"SANS!!! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?!?!"

Sans snapped to attention only to find Papyrus towering over him with his hands on his hips. Huh. He looks really tall when he's standing over the sofa like that.

"uhh..."

"YOU WERE DAYDREAMING AGAIN, WEREN'T YOU?"

"i wouldn't call it daydreaming..."

Papyrus placed both hands on his face and let out a large groan, arching his back for emphasis. Sans was almost certain he was gonna fall over.

"hey, c'mon, bro. i can't help being a DREAMER. heh."

"SANS, THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR WOEFUL WORDPLAY!! THIS IS CHORE DAY!"

"wow, chore day, cool."

"WAS THAT SARCASM?!?!"

"did i sound sarcastic?"

"UGH, SANS, I DO NOT WANT TO PUT UP WITH YOUR ATTITUDE!!"

"it wasn't attitude, bro. it was a genuine question. did i actually sound sarcastic?"

"I JU... I DON'T KNOW!!!" Papyrus flailed his arms dramatically. "I DON'T CARE!!!! JUST CLEAN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING, THERE ARE PAPERS EVERYWHERE!!!!!"

Sans rolled his eyelights. "fine..."

He had more important things to do.

--------

"WHY DON'T PEOPLE CLEAN THE OUTSIDE OF THEIR HOUSE AS WELL AS THE INSIDE?" Papyrus mused, as he climbed to the top of the roof of his own house.

The view of Snowdin was beautiful. Forests stretched for miles, the town itself bustling with people going about their daily lives. It made Papyrus proud to be a Snowdin townie!

"I AM ALMOST TEMPTED TO SING..." Papyrus inhaled deeply and put his hand to his chest, as it he was going to belt his soul out right then and there.

But that didn't happen. "WELL!!! TIME TO CLEAN THE ROOF!!!" Papyrus drew his feather duster out like a sword and started dusting the roof. Wow, there's a lot of snow on it! And laid so perfectly too! Just one tap and the entire slab came off, collapsing around the front door down below. Welp! That makes it easier!

"THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS THE VERY BEST AT DUSTING THE ROOF AND BRUSHING SNOW AWAY..." Papyrus hummed to himself, Bonetrousling it up if you will. He looked so cool, brushing the roof with a feather duster. He definitely didn't look like a dork in a frilly apron dusting the roof like a housemaid.

He bumped into the chimney.

"OOF! PARDON ME!" The chimney excused him with a bow. Papyrus bowed back.

What? Chimneys don't bow? Huh. Must have been Papyrus' imagination, then!

Speaking of the chimney, when was the last time it was cleaned?

That's a silly question! The answer is... today!

"ACTUALLY, MR. CHIMNEY! YOU COULD DO WITH A BIT OF SPRING CLEANING!! AND I, MASTER SPRING CLEANER PAPYRUS, AM HAPPY TO OBLIGE!!!"

Thus began Papyrus' quest to clean the chimney. It didn't last long, however, because as he was about to dive in like "A HAPPY LITTLE CHIMNEY SWEEPER BOY!", a cauldron of bats flew straight out the chimney and right in Papyrus' face.

"AAH WHAT THE HECK?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

As the happy little chimney sweeper lost his balance, there was only one thing on his mind...

"WAIT!!!! THE CHIMNEY DIDN'T GET SWEEPED!!!! OOF!" Luckily, a conveniently placed balcony broke his fall. It didn't stop his tailbone from hurting, though. "OWW OW OW OW OW OWW..."

Well... Time to go back inside.

Aaaaaand for some reason, there isn't a door. Who built this house?

"WHAT KIND OF LUNATIC BUILDS A BALCONY WITH NO DOOR LEADING TO IT?!"

Bird monsters, perhaps?

"IT'S RIDICULOUS!!!"

Agreed.

"HEY, NARRATOR!!! AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE... NARRATING?"

Oh, sorry.

Despite his effort to find a door, Papyrus instead found a window. He peeked inside. What he saw was a dark, dark room, with a silhouette of... Wait, is that Sans?

Oh! This is Sans' room. Sans must be cleaning... Wait, no! He isn't cleaning! He's... cutting something? Is he making another shirt? Papyrus had to investigate.

Bang bang bang bang!

"HEY!!! HEY, SANS!!! COULD YOU PLEASE LET ME IN?!?!"

Thank the stars Sans looked up. "what the?"

"WE HAVE A BALCONY!!!!!"

"what lunatic builds a balcony without a door?"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!" He sighed. "PLEASE LET ME IN."

Sans chuckled. "alright, alright."

With a flick of his wrist, blue magic swirled around Papyrus and in a blink of an eye socket, he landed on the floor in Sans' room.

"there we go."

"PHEW! THANKS, BROTHER." Papyrus smiled gratefully at Sans. However, his moment of sincere gratitude was interrupted by the revelation that Sans... wasn't making a shirt, but instead whittling with labels that were cut out from his clothes. "WHAT THE? DO YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN?"

The disgruntled skeleton pointed at the... structure that Sans was making.

"figured i'd cut the labels outta my clothes."

"AND WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT INSTEAD OF, I DON'T KNOW, DOING THE LAUNDRY?!"

"i hate labels."

"AND I HATE A MESSY ROOM!!!"

With that, Papyrus stormed out, frustrated. Meanwhile, Sans just got back to cutting labels out of his clothes and whittling them into animals. They might as well be good for something that isn't making his bones unbearably itchy.

--------

Sans couldn't clean his room. Not when there were some important calculations to be done.

The blueprint in front of him caused no end of frustration and confusion. These strange symbols... He could interpret them, but the messages they read weren't getting him anywhere mathematically. Although they did confirm one crucial thing.

That thing he found. It was his. Sans could feel it in his bones. That must have been it! The thing that got them here!

He almost recognised it... But it was so long ago now. Either way, that thing was their ticket home. Their ticket back to their old lives. Perhaps, if Sans succeeded, he could even bring him back.

It was a bit of a stretch... But he was willing to try.

He didn't want Papyrus to keep interrupting him, either. He loves his brother, yes, but Sans knew that this project was a lot more important than something trivial like keeping his room tidy. He needed a plan to make sure Papyrus stays out of it.

An idea sprung to mind. He hopes it works.

--------

A successful day! The house was absolutely spotless! Well, it will be once Sans cleans his room. But other than that, spotless!

So what does that mean? Television! Better known as a TV.

Papyrus excitedly sat his tailbone down on the sofa. "YOU KNOW... I HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO WATCH MUCH TV HERE. I WONDER IF IT'S ANY GOOD!"

He turned the TV on, and... Oh. It looks like some weird children's cartoon is playing. Why are they moving like that? Why do they look like fleshy anthropomorphic animals? And how did they get weapons that big???

"NYEH... TOO CHILDISH."

Zoop! The channel changed.

"The weather forecast today calls for a chance of snow in Snowdin and rain in Waterfall, just like every single day, so I'm not surprised. Sometimes I wonder..."

"UGH, NO! TOO BORING!"

"...why we even have this section in the news at all-"

Zeep! Now it's playing some kind of black-and-white silent film featuring a strange fleshy monster doing stunts for the audience.

Actually... This guy is pretty funny!

"YEAH!! THIS IS THE ONE!!" Papyrus bounced his leg happily as the "skeleton but fleshy" monster pulled various different Stunts as he ran away from the cops. What is he even in trouble for? Who cares! This film's hilarious!

Hold on a moment. Why does it feel breezy all of a sudden?

"SANS!!! DID YOU LEAVE A WINDOW OPEN?! WE LIVE IN SNOWDIN, REMEMBER?!!" Papyrus cannot believe he had to berate Sans for leaving the wind- OH MY GOD!!!!

A tornado of... of... STUFF paraded through the house like it owned the place. In five seconds flat, all of Papyrus' hard work was literally unravelled by the travelling THING. Sans' clothes? Everywhere! Lamps were knocked over, books and paper on the ground, the dust from the vacuum cleaner this morning, all over the place! It was a nightmare!

"WHAT. THE. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" Papyrus, the cool, calm, collected skeleton that he is, immediately flailed around and dashed around the living room in fury.

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" Ever the stoic cool guy, Papyrus calmly and bravely pursued the trash-eating, kitchen-destroying tornado.

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" The stone-faced warrior wrapped blue magic around the tornado faster than the speed of sound!

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE..." There. That should hold it.

The Great Papyrus was always under control.

With his incredible blue magic, Papyrus lifted the tornado of the kitchen floor and stormed into the living room, steadily growing angrier with every second he looked at the mess it caused.

And Sans had the audacity to look over the ledge like he was PROUD of himself!

"hey, bro."

"HEY? HEY?!?! DO YOU MIND EXPLAINING TO ME WHY THIS THING MADE A MESS OF MY PERFECTLY CLEAN HOUSE?!?!?!" Papyrus stomped his foot in rage.

"i made it. you like?" Sans' grin was so wide it reached his eyes. Papyrus did not return the same sentiment.

"I WOULD HAVE... IF IT DIDN'T TRASH THE HOUSE!!! LOOK AT YOUR CLOTHES!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?!?!"

"i got better things to do."

"BETTER THAN DOING THE LAUNDRY??"

"it's more important, trust me."

"WHAT COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW THAN HAVING CLEAN CLOTHES!!! IT'S BASIC SELF-CARE, BROTHER!!!!"

Sans gave an infuriating nonchalant shrug.

"UGH, THAT'S IT!!!! YOU'RE ON LAUNDRY DUTY!!!!"

"aww, but bro..."

"NO, SANS!!!"

"did you mean nonsans?"

"NO!!!! I MEANT 'NO, SANS' BECAUSE I'M SAYING 'NO' TO YOU!!!!" Papyrus puts his head in his hands before he looked up at Sans again. "YOU BETTER DO YOUR LAUNDRY, BROTHER!!!!"

"alright..."

"AND I WILL BE WITH YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT!!!!"

Sans let out a long groan. This did not go according to plan. Why do self-sustaining tornadoes have to be so unpredictable?

He did it to himself.

--------

Sans felt like a child being supervised by their parents after doing something bad, what with Papyrus watching him and all. So he reserved the rights to grumble like one.

"stupid clothes, stupid laundry, there's more important things i could do..."

"NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SELF-CARE, SANS!"

Papyrus didn't want to watch Sans grab clothes out of the hamper and put them in a plastic bag to take to the laundromat, but he didn't have much of a choice. The moment he left Sans alone, he created a SELF-SUSTAINING TORNADO, because OF COURSE he did! He silently wondered where that tornado went, anyway. He betted it was back in Sans' room. Well. At least it was contained.

His room...

"YOU DIDN'T CLEAN YOUR ROOM, DID YOU, BROTHER?"

"i had better to do." Sans shrugged, before going back to grumbling.

Papyrus sighed, facepalming. Of course...

"FINE. IF YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF MAINTAINING YOUR OWN LIVING SPACE, THEN I'LL HAVE TO DO IT FOR YOU!!!" With that, he stormed to Sans' room.

"aww, you're too kind, bro."

"SHUT UP!!!!"

The tidy skeleton stormed into Sans' room and SLAM! There went the door. As expected, Sans' room was in the exact same state it was left it. The cut out labels, shaped vaguely like animals. The pieces of paper with what looks like math hastily scrawn out and shredded all over the carpet. And the dust that accumulated from the exploding vacuum cleaner from this morning... Papyrus really needed to get a new vacuum cleaner. One thing that was notable, however, was that Sans' blueprints that were previously there were nowhere to be seen. He probably took it with him. Go figure.

Seriously, whatever Sans just HAD to do couldn't possibly be more important than self-care! But Papyrus knew that self-care was never a priority for Sans. Not at all.

"SANS..." Papyrus looked up, only to find cobwebs above the crusty mattress Sans called a "bed." A shiver went down his spine. Cobwebs meant spiders. And spiders are tiny bugs. Tiny bugs that could crawl between your bones and get into your joints! No. No! They had to be rid of IMMEDIATELY!!!

Papyrus looked around for his trusty feather duster... only to find it sitting outside on the balcony from where he fell off the roof.

"DANG IT!!!!" He pounded at the window in frustration. "WHOEVER BUILT THIS HOUSE, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A WORD!!!" He screamed at no one in particular.

This room felt really breezy... Wait.

Papyrus perked up and turned to find the tornado swirling around in the corner of the room. Sans' latest creation. Now, the cool skeleton knew that his brother was capable of incredible things, but nothing of this degree! Too bad it happened to ruin his day!

"STUPID SELF-SUSTAINING TORNADO!!!! LOOK AT YOU OVER THERE, OH, SO INNOCENT AFTER WRECKING ALL MY HARD WORK!!! SIGH... WHAT IS SANS GOING TO DO NEXT? PERHAPS HE COULD MAKE A FLASH FLOOD, OR A MAGNITUDE 7 EARTHQUAKE!!!" His eyes popped out of his skull. "WHY AM I EVEN TALKING TO YOU?!?! UGH, THIS WHOLE THING IS LUDICROUS. I'M TALKING TO A LITERAL TORNADO THAT MY BROTHER MADE, THAT'S JUST SITTING HERE DOING NOTHING, GATHERING DUST AND TRASH AND-"

Hold up, there's an idea!

"WAIT... IF I USED YOU TO CLEAN SANS' ROOM EVEN QUICKER... THEN I COULD SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY 'CHILLING OUT', AS IT WERE!!! YES YES, THIS IS PERFECT!!!!"

Without a second thought, Papyrus once again grabbed the tornado and positioned it with his magic. He cocked it like a vacuum cleaner that's ready to exterminate some ghosts!

Those poor ghosts...

Using the open end, the trashado briskly sweeped across the room, gathering every scrap of paper, every molecule of dust and the cobwebs up above. By the end of it, Sans' room was almost as spotless as the rest of the house! Another job well done!!!

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!! WELL, PAPYRUS, YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN! TIME FOR A SKELEBRATORY SNACK!!!!" Without needing to, the ingenious skeleton boy stretched his arms and... Ooh...

That lamp on the bedside table... So enticing... So delectible... It drew Papyrus in like a moth to a flame.

Flames were edible, right?

--------

Papyrus should really learn not to chomp random lamps. He ran downstairs to find something to pick the glass out of his teeth when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye sockets.

A lone sock that Sans forgot to pick up when he made him organise his laundry earlier. Well, that won't do! No sock was going to ruin his lovely living room!

Maybe Sans needed a reminder to pick it up.

Luckily, he had just the thing! He pulled out a drawer and found some post-it notes and a pen, and got to writing.

SANS! PICK UP YOUR SOCK!

There! Problem solved! Papyrus proudly placed the post-it just above the sock, before he strolled into the kitchen to find something to pick his teeth with. A knife should do the trick!

A couple of minutes later, Sans struggled to haul the bag of laundry out the door. The shortie was never physically strong to begin with. Did Papyrus really think he could carry the whole bag without his magic?

Actually, he should probably use his magic. It would be a lot easier. Why didn't he think that before? Silly!

Just as he placed the bag down, something caught the corner of his eye socket.

"hm? whoops, guess i forgot one. come here, little guy." As he was about to pick up the sock, Sans spotted the note. Huh... That gave him an idea.

"pick up my sock, huh?" The little prankster smirked. "alright, just for you, bro."

It didn't take him long to find the post-its and leave a message.

ok.

Once that was over and done with, Sans picked the sock up... Then placed it back down. Any opportunity he could take to tease Papyrus, he would take.

"heh heh. welp. guess i have to do this stinkin' laundry." The short skeleton groaned. The sooner he can get this done, the sooner he can go back to what is REALLY important. Without a moment to lose, Sans finally hauled the heavy bag out of the door.

Not even ten minutes later, Papyrus returned to the living room, his teeth glass-free! He looked down at the sock. At first, he just figured Sans was still busy, but then he found the note...

Clever boy.

With a huff, Papyrus decided to leave another note.

DON'T PUT IT BACK DOWN! MOVE IT!

There! That should get through to Sans!

Satisfied, Papyrus went upstairs to check on his social medias.

About half an hour later, Sans came back with a fresh pile of clothes to put away. He was levitating it with blue magic. No way was he gonna carry all that with his tiny bone arms! He wondered if Papyrus responded to his adoring message.

The response made Sans let out a laugh that was somewhere between a chuckle and a giggle. Well, if Papyrus wanted him to move it, who was Sans to say no?

He moved it two inches to the right. That should do it.

"whoops. shouldn't forget the message." Sans tittered to himself as he grabbed the pile of post-it notes.

ok.

This was fun.

And it just kept going!

YOU MOVED IT TWO INCHES! MOVE IT TO YOUR ROOM!

ok.

Papyrus caught Sans place the sock back down that time! But instead of getting annoyed, he just left a note right when Sans could see him. The smaller brother's ribs hurt from suppressed giggles.

AND DON'T BRING IT BACK!

ok.

It's become a bit at this point. Papyrus' mood slowly changed from annoyance to amusement at the fact that this was still going on. How long can the twins keep this up, huh?

As for Sans, well... He enjoyed the distraction. Perhaps being pulled away from his project wasn't too bad.

IT'S STILL HERE!

didn't you just say not to bring it back to my room?

Papyrus was in the living room when he spotted Sans with the sock, dangling it over the edge of the landing almost threateningly. This whole thing was so silly, it was almost laughable!

"S-SANS..." Papyrus swallowed the urge to laugh. "W-WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Similarly, Sans also swallowed his giggles. "nothing..."

"A-AHARE YOU SURE...?"

"yehehes..."

"D-DON'T YOHOHOU DARE..."

Oh, he dared.

Screw it, it was completely laughable.

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!!!"

"ehehehehehehehehe! ehehehe hehehe!"

"I CAHAHAHAHAHAN'T!!! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!"

Papyrus left one final note.

FORGET IT!

Sans wiped the tears from his eyes. Oh, this was fun. Messing around with his silly brother was always a treat.

That sock was a testament to that. That spot in the living room is its new home now.

--------

He had to admit, he was impressed with Papyrus' hard work. He had a cleaning ethic Sans could only dream of.

Fresh clothes put away, Sans pulled out his blueprints once again. He finally figured it out.

The weird symbols, the calculations, the parts he needed. Now there was only one thing left to do before he got started on the thing.

He needed materials. But where could he get them?

Luckily, he heard of this magical place where materials just show up every day! There's always something new there, surely he could find the appropriate parts he needed.

And that place... was the Waterfall dump.

"don't worry, big guy. we'll make it back soon."

Chapter Text

"well, at least i know where to go when I'm down in the dumps. heh." Sans said to no one in particular. With a place as cool as this, it's a wonder why it was so barren. Perhaps it was just a quiet day?

Either that or people didn't like the smell. Sans didn't think it was unbearable. A bit musty at best, but still. He's smelt worse. He has smelt worse.

The piles of human trash were particularly high today. One could find pretty much anything down here. A smashed vase, an uneaten candy bar, DVDs, magazines with strange childish drawings on all the people inside of them...

If there was anywhere Sans could find something like wires and scrap metal, it had to be here.

"welp. guess i shouldn't 'dilly-dally', as the great papyrus says."

Compared to the pile, Sans might as well be a Temmie standing next to the king. Actually, isn't a Temmie about half of Sans' height. He didn't want to think about the implications of that.

With an unnecessary breath, Sans swan-dived into the pile and started rummaging around.

Twenty minutes go by, and all the little man found was some old clothes and pieces of scrap metal. It's a start, but still not enough.

There was this cool sheet of aluminium, however. Sans may or may not have gotten distracted playing with the thing.

"ain't aluminium a fun word to say? aluminium. a la min ee um. minium. ala. aluuu. aaaaaaaluminium." He mused to himself with a chuckle. Wait, what was he doing again?

Oh, right! The parts.

"welp, nothing there." He swan-dived into another pile. This one was mostly just old clothes. What did he expect?

Many of these clothes were tattered and stained. Some were mostly fine, but others were completely unsalvageable.

He felt something slimy. Curious, Sans pulled it out, only to be confronted with the unfortunate realisation that he was holding a pair of torn women's underwear. It appeared to be stained with... SOMETHING of a dark colour.

"eugh!" The unlucky skeleton freaked out, tossing the underwear away. "eeuuwww..."

Note to self: wash your hands, Sans thought, before collapsing on the pile of clothes. That wasn't a good idea, as he quickly sank into them.

"w-whoops! help!"

Splat! He fell out of the pile with nothing but a strange hoodie on his face.

"welp. what did i expect?" Sans giggled a little as he gently lifted the heavy hoodie...

Well, it's certainly interesting.

It's tattered and torn, just like most of the other clothes. Loose threads abound, the zipper was broken but fixable, the drawstrings looked chewed, one of the pockets has a gaping hole in it...

But the colour! The colour was a bit faded, but Sans could tell it was a very lovely, calming shade of blue. The grey hood matched the zipper too, and the inside was knobbly, but soft. He bet that it looked wonderful during its heyday. In addition, it also appeared to be around his size.

"heya..." The skeleton grinned. "what's a hoodie like you doing in a place like this?"

Something about this hoodie drew Sans in. It looked like something Sans could fix. Perhaps make a few adjustments to it? It would surely need a new zipper, and the pockets could use a bit of stitchwork. In fact, the whole thing could use some stitchwork!

It was decided. Sans was definitely taking this home. Tying it around his clavicle and wearing the old thing like a cape, the skeleton went back to looking for scraps.

Half an hour went by. So far, so good. Sans managed to find some gears, scrap metal, and a vending machine with loose wires. Sans hoped that no one minded if he took the wires. He even found a pair of red leather boots in Papyrus' size! That should be enough for now.

The dork decided to try on those boots for good measure. They went right up to the top of his femurs. It's hard to walk around.

"heh, look at me, walkin' the walk in these boots." Like the dork he is, Sans waddled up and down the borderline swampy waters like it was a catwalk, before almost tripping on a mud patch. "whoa! whoa... heh. as bootiful as i look, i don't think papyrus would be happy with a pair of muddy boots." Off they go!

While Sans was sliding his feet back into his trusty blue crocs, he heard a quiet voice muttering from around a particularly large trash pile.

"No... No... Too small... That won't fit... Wrong material... Wrong shape... Ooh, why d-does this have to be so... d-difficult?"

"huh?"

Is someone here? Did they see Sans' fashion show? He really hoped not. That would've been embarrassing.

The master of stealth, he quietly sneaked around the pile to get a closer look at the monster.

Sans is a curious person at heart. Maybe that's why he was so fascinated by this new monster.

As he slowly crept up on the mysterious monster, parts of them steadily entered his line of sight. She was bright yellow and reptilian, with spines that resemble spikes going down the back of her head. She was wearing a dark brown jacket with white fluff around the hood and dark brown pants. They're notably barefoot. Lots of monsters go barefoot, so it didn't really come as a surprise to Sans.

However, what did catch his attention are their thick black glasses. That's a distinguishing feature for sure. The frames were stylised to look like eyelashes, and the monster tended to push them up from time to time just to inspect something. Another thing that caught his attention was the white and pink shirt they wore. No stripes, so they're not a kid. Instead, it's a mostly white shirt with pink, sparkly letters across the front of it. Sans squinted to read it.

NIM IR

Well, that was helpful.

The monster was on their knees, rummaging through one of the trash piles for scraps. So many scraps... Why didn't Sans go here before? He could use some of that.

"No... No... No..." The stranger just tossed aside perfectly good scraps like it was nothing. But that doesn't matter right now. They were looking for something very specific.

Sans couldn't help but wonder what they were looking for... and if he could help.

He didn't notice how close he was to her until he spoke.

"hey."

Immediately, the lizard shrieks. "AAAIIIIEEEEE!!! What was that? W-Who's there?!?!"

"whoa, whoa, easy, pal." He put up both his hands to placate them. "i don't mean harm. i didn't expect to rattle you like that. excuse me."

The lizard is still in shock. "U-Uh, I, uh... S-Sorry! I'm holding you up, aren't I? D-Do you want anything from this pile? I'm sorry, I should go..."

Wow. Sans had never met a more socially awkward monster in his life. And he thought Papyrus had some work to do when it comes to people.

Suppose it's time to display his foolproof strategy of being cool.

"hey, no worries. i was just curious about ya, that's all. you ain't holdin' me up."

Sans glanced down at her shirt to read it. ANIME GIRL. Ah, so she's a girl. Good to know.

"say, uh... i hope you don't mind if i ask. whatcha doin' out here, anyway?"

"O-Oh, I..." The reptilian glanced down at the pile of discarded scraps, then back to the strange skeleton just barely towering over her. If she stood up, then they'd be about equal in height, give or take an inch or two.

"I was j-just... looking for materials."

"materials?"

"Y-Yeah! I'm working on a project. There's this big job offering a-a-and I really, really wanna get it! Haha!" Oh god, she was not handling this well at all. At least this guy was being patient with her.

Well... Less patient, moreso curious.

"that's cool. what position is it?"

"Um... Have you heard of the Royal Scientist position?"

Sans froze. The Royal Scientist? He hasn't heard that title for ages. How long has it been now?

"Err..." Wow, she's REALLY not handling this socialising thing well. An awkward silence hung over their heads as both of them struggled to keep their minds in check. The so-called "anime girl" spoke up first.

"I'm guessing you... do know?"

Sans snapped out of his thoughts. "oh, uh... yeah. yup. big role, huh? hope you get it."

"Thanks."

Another pregnant pause.

"how are ya planning on gettin' in?"

"Oh! Uh, r-right. I'm trying to make a, uh..." She bit her tongue briefly before finally forcing out the words. "A robot with a soul?"

"a robot with a soul, huh? heh. i'm almost tempted to see how you're planning on pulling that off."

"You don't think I can do it?"

"no, it's not that, i just, uh..." If there was one thing Sans hated, it was when he accidentally upsets someone with his jokes. "ain't it impossible to just... make a soul outside of natural means?"

"W-Well... I have my ways." She looked to the ground with a confident, if a little sly, smile. That's new, Sans noted. Eh, it wasn't his business.

"well, if you believe in yourself, then that's enough to convince me." He gave a little shrug before peering at her scraps. The woman, similarly, caught sight of Sans' collection too.

"No way!"

"huh?"

"That metal, it's perfect for my project!"

"oh, you mean this?"

"Yeah! Those gears! They're the perfect size and everything. Are you planning on using it or something?"

"well... let's just say i have a little project of my own. those pieces of metal look perfect too."

A point and a wink, and the lizard's attention was cast back to the metal she discarded.

"Oh... Um... W-Well, I'd hate to be a bother, but-"

"you want it?"

The little nerd blanched at the offer. Oh jeez. She can feel that familiar 'Panic! At The Garbage Dump' feeling rise inside her chest.

"I- Er- I d-don't wanna impose-"

"nah, it's cool. i'd be more than happy to give 'em to ya. for a small fee, of course."

"Oh, thanks!" As her brain fully processed Sans' words, she squinted suspiciously. "What kind of fee?"

"ah, nothin' much, just 100g."

"Are you serious?!" This guy better be joking!

"more sirius than the stars in the night sky."

"I'm s-sorry, but I'm not paying 100G for THAT!"

"fine, then. how about 1000g?"

"That's even worse!"

"alright, alright... ten thousand."

"I will strangle you!"

Despite everything, the monster knew that Sans was just doing this to get a reaction. And boy, was she giving it to him!

"how are you gonna strangle me if i don't have a throat?"

She didn't know what it was, but something about this man instilled a sense of playful confidence in the to-be scientist. She stood up, only about an inch taller than him, crossed her arms, and glared at him with a playful smirk.

"I've read about skeletons, thank you very much. I could just reach in your eye sockets and shut your font off."

Scary! That made Sans flinch hard. "whoa, okay, lady! no need to go that far. you know what, since i'm such a kind skeleton, i'll give you a discount. my scraps for your scraps. sound fair?"

She was about to come back with another exasperated retort, but that deal actually sounded fair to her.

"C-Come again?"

"i mean it this time. i could use some of those scraps over there, and from the looks of things, you could use some of mine. so how about a trade?"

"I... would like that, actually." Once again timid, the lady handed over the rejected scraps to the weird skeleton, and he reciprocated in kind. "Thank you."

"eh, don't mention it."

This lady seemed pretty cool. She's smart, she knows how skeletons work, she's willing to play along with his jokes... And judging by her... everything, Sans could only assume she's just as much of a nerd as he is, maybe even more so! And her shirt all but screamed to Sans that she wasn't afraid to show it off, either. That sort of integrity can only be found in the most unapologetic of nerds, and it's one Sans respects deeply. A respect so deep that... perhaps this thing they have going on could develop into something more. Something like... a friendship? Well. It's about time Sans took a shot at something.

"hey, uh... if you ever need help with anything, i'm always in snowdin."

"W-What? Really?"

"yeah. consider it my charitable deed for the day."

"Oh. Thank you. Um... I would like that, actually. It would be nice to have someone helping me out."

"hey, no problem. let's exchange numbers."

They do that.

"Oh, uh, do you, by any chance, have an Undernet account?"

"nah, that's my brother's thing. he's always posting on it. sometimes i guest star in his videos, though."

"I see... Do you want me to help you get started? We can become friends on Undernet! I, uh... I'm not a big fan of phone calls."

"nah, i get it."

Sans passed the lady his phone, and bada bing bada boom, he had an Undernet account!

"By the way, um... Sorry I didn't ask before, but what's your name?"

Oh, right. The names!

"fuhgeddaboudit. i'm not too good with names. the name's sans, by the way. sans the skeleton."

"Sans..." She smirked at him again. "How do you spell that?"

How many times is this lady gonna catch him off guard?! A nervous chuckle poured out of him. "w-what? it's said how it's spelt. spelt how it's said?"

A fit of hilarity exploded out of the lizard. Wow, this guy was fun to tease! If they really did become friends, she just knew he would be a lot of fun to be around!

"I'm kidding!" She passed his phone back with a goofy smile. "You're all set."

"oh, thanks. say, uh, what's your name again?"

"...Alphys."

"alphys... how do you spell that?"

The resulting laughter the two nerds shared was more than just about silly jokes and teasing. It was also about the beginning of a newly blossoming friendship.

Chapter Text

There's nothing like a quiet day on the couch with your best friend. Well, your brother, but he's also your best friend!

For the fourth time in a row, Papyrus closed and reopened the Undernet app, waiting for something, anything to change. And like the last three times, nothing happened. No new likes, no new followers. It was just the same. One might wonder what he was even doing it for.

Sans, on the other hand, was hastily scrolling through Alphys' Undernet account. He wouldn't call it stalking or anything. He was just looking through her posts to get to know her more. After all, it was only yesterday when they first met. Might as well do a bit of research about her before he saw her again.

Neither brother spoke, but they enjoyed each other's company nonetheless.

"hey, i have a gig at the resort tonight."

I SAID NEITHER BROTHER SPOKE.

"WAIT, WHAT?!"

"yeah, it's a comedy gig. i'm performing stand-up there."

Papyrus' eye sockets sparkled with ecstasy and pride for his brother.

"YOU???"

"yeah."

"SERIOUSLY??!!!??"

"seriously."

He couldn't help a huge grin. "OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!" He opened his arms to hug Sans, but then sibling instinct suddenly kicked in. "A COMEDY GIG? WITH YOUR TERRIBLE JOKES?!"

"hey, they're not that..." Sans pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket and rips it apart. "tearable."

"SANS!!!"

"what? you're smiling."

"IT'S A PITY SMILE!!! THAT PUN WAS UNBEARABLE!!!"

"don'tcha mean punbearable?"

Papyrus flopped backwards dramatically and elicited a sound that was somewhere between a squawk and a dying cat.

"what was that?"

"MY SECOND DEATH."

Sans snickered under his breath. Good. At least he's happy, thought Papyrus, straightening his spine and cracking every single vertebrae as he does it.

"what are you, an old man?"

"I MIGHT AS WELL BE!!! I FEEL LIKE I AGED 160 YEARS!!!!"

There was that sound again. The sound of Sans' quiet yet hearty laughter. The type of laugh that makes one keel over and clutch their stomach... or ribcage in this case.

What was The Great Papyrus doing, smiling like that? He's supposed to be annoyed at his brother's bad jokes, no? Oh, well. At least now he's putting them to good use. Excitement welled up inside of Papyrus' ribs once more.

Sans wiped a tear from his eye sockets as his laughs finally quiet down. "say, are you gonna watch me tonight? maybe heckle me on stage?"

Papyrus scoffed and crossed his arms, turning away like he still had some semblance of dignity. "AS IF I WAS GOING TO MISS IT, BROTHER!!! AFTER ALL, DESPITE MY GENERAL DISDAIN AT YOUR JOKES, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM PROUD OF YOU." Just to prove that point, Papyrus pet Sans' head. Hands and skulls! They were made for each other!

The littler skeleton couldn't be more grateful. "heh, thanks. for coming, i mean. but, uh, i'm grateful for the pats too."

He's definitely going to need Papyrus' support. After all, this is a big gig! He's going to perform stand up in front of dozens of people... in a big, fancy restaurant... not a casual setting... so many rich people in one place... looking at him... staring at him... being in the spotlight... telling jokes... for ten minutes...

A bead of sweat formed on Sans' forehead. Does he really want to go through with this? He does need the money... Why is the room hot all of a sudden?

He's so so glad Papyrus is coming.

"UM, SANS? SANS??? HEY!!" Like any good brother, Papyrus proceeded to grab Sans' attention by shaking him like a maraca!

Well, that snapped him out of it. "huh? oh..."

"WHAT? YOU WERE SHAKING! SO, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HELPED YOU OUT WITH MORE SHAKING!"

"yup, fight shaking with shaking, heh."

A thought popped into Sans' mind.

"say, you know where the resort is, right?"

The unsure scoff from Papyrus told Sans everything he needed to know.

"it's in hotland. you know, just before the core?"

Now it was Papyrus' turn to freeze.

"HOTLAND? SERIOUSLY?"

"yeah. i'd guide you, but i have to leave early tonight. you sure you know where you're goin'?"

Papyrus sure did like to scoff. "OF COURSE I DO!!! I AM A MASTER OF DIRECTION!!! AND MY SURROUNDINGS, UNLIKE A CERTAIN BROTHER I KNOW!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH... HEH."

"riiiiiight."

"YEAH!!! RIGHT!!!" Papyrus let silence fill the room for half a second. "BUT JUST IN CASE, IS IT POSSIBLE TO TAKE THE RIVER MAN THERE? RIVER LADY? RIVER PERSON?"

"as far as i know, the river only takes you to the entrance of hotland." Sans let himself sink into the couch cushions, flipping his phone like it's some kind of fidget toy. "if you go any further, you can reach the core, but at the same time, it'll just take you straight into lava."

A burst of rattling erupted from the taller skeleton's bones. And not just because of the vivid mental image of seeing himself drown in lava.

"WELL... I CAN HANDLE HOTLAND!!!"

"just like you can handle rice pudding."

"EWW, SANS!!! DON'T START!!! I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING GOOD, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU!!!! EVEN IF I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE LITERAL SIMULATION OF HELL TO DO IT!!! ACTUALLY, NO!!!!! I WON'T EVEN HESITATE!!! I'LL GO THROUGH THE SIMULATION OF HELL A BILLION TRILLION TIMES JUST TO BE THERE!!!! WAIT AND SEE!!!! WAIT!!! AND!!! SEE!!!"

"alright, alright, i believe ya!" Sans laughed. "thanks."

"DON'T MENTION IT!!"

--------

The time has come. Papyrus' quest to watch his brother is underway! Thanks to the river person, Papyrus' journey was a breeze at first. Straight of of Snowdin, all the way across Waterfall, and finally, straight into Hotland.

This is it. THIS. IS. IT. He can do this. He can do this.

He can't do this.

Were the lights really that bright before? Was the heat really that much? Sure, skeletons are very resistant to temperatures, but despite not being able to feel the heat, bones get dehydrated in extreme temperatures. That's why Papyrus carried three large water bottles in his... nonexistent pocket??? The void??? Something like that.

He might as well just carry one around now. But when he pulled it out, the water quickly evaporated.

...

"YEAH... NO. I'M TAKING THE ELEVATOR. SCREW THIS."

Smart plan. Papyrus will just be there early. What? Giving up already? No way! He's just... taking a shortcut! Much like Sans does! Oh god, he's becoming Sans. Noooooo!

The good news was, fate was always there to make sure that Papyrus didn't become like Sans. The bad news was, it did it by making sure that the elevator was out of use, forcing Papyrus to go through Hotland anyway.

"OH, WELL, WOW!!!" Papyrus said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "WELL, I GUESS FATE HAS DECIDED FOR ME! I WON'T TAKE A LAZY SHORTCUT TODAY!"

With that, Papyrus marched back to where he was dropped off. Just before the river, however, he took a sharp turn to the left, which left him facing a large building known as the lab.

"WOWIE!!!!! A REAL LAB!!!!! SANS WOULD LOVE THIS!!!!"

His eye sockets excitedly scanned every inch of the building. Wait, why was the patch of ground in front of the entrance a slightly different shade of orange to the rest of the ground? Aww, no, now it's ruined!!! Papyrus can't unsee that!!!

Nonetheless, he marched inside.

The lab itself was vacant, as it had been for years. There were still remnants of the precious occupant lying around, though. Files on the only desk, collecting dust. Books sat on the bookshelves up above, all filled with history and science and numbers and other stuff Papyrus didn't have time for... But there were also puzzles, which Papyrus could get behind!

This place was amazing! But... there was also this inherent emptiness to it. Looking at this place, Papyrus could almost see visions of what once was. Flickers of something... someone... that was lost to what seemed like time and space itself.

As he passed the desk, Papyrus could almost remember a moment. A tall skeleton and a little skeleton, the former lovingly teaching the latter everything he knew about physics, some of which were of the quantum kind.

He knew the little skeleton well. But the big skeleton... Something felt off about him. What happened to him? Where is he now?

Well, there was no time to dwell on it. Papyrus had a performance to watch!

--------

Warning: Puzzles are in beta right now. Some may still be activated. If any of them are activated, please speak with King Dreemurr, and he will get it all sorted out.

That's what the big red sign outside of the lab said. Papyrus wondered if conveyor belts counted as puzzles. They weren't very creative puzzles. But this is HOTLAND! The most technologically-advanced part of the underground! Surely there's got to be SOME creativity here!

"MY MY!!! IT SEEMS THAT THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS TRIALS TO COMPLETE!! NO MATTER!!! I AM THE MASTER OF PUZZLES!!!! I KNOW PUZZLE HISTORY FRONT TO BACK!!!"

Oh, yeah, because NOTHING says "cool" like a skeleton standing on the conveyor belts, bragging to himself.

"I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN PUZZLE-OLOGY!!! YES, PUZZLE-OLOGY!!! IT'S A COMPLETELY REAL THING AND DEFINITELY NOT MADE UP!!!! I DEFINITELY GRADUATED FROM SCHOOL!!! I DID THE THING WHERE YOU GET THE SCROLL AND CAP AND YOU THROW THE CAP IN THE AIR WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS!!! FRIENDS I DEFINITELY HAVE!!!!"

This wasn't sad at all.

Nonetheless, Papyrus couldn't wait to see the puzzles. Despite his animosity for Hotland's intense heat, he's sure the puzzles will... Oh.

"WAIT, WHERE ARE THE PUZZLES? THIS IS JUST A BUNCH OF AIR VENTS!!!! WHERE'S THE PASSION?!?! THE CULTURE?!?! THE SOPHISTICATION?!?!" Papyrus vented to himself. Calmly. "GAHH!!! THE THINGS I HAVE TO DO FOR THE SAKE OF BROTHERDOM. HOOD!!! BROTHERHOOD."

Heaving a heavy sigh, Papyrus reluctantly stepped onto the air vent, then had the reasonable fear response anyone would have if they had to step on those things while there's an ocean of magma just underneath them.

"AAAAAAGGGHGJGJJGJFHF?!?!!!!"

Luckily, Papyrus did NOT fall into an ocean of magma. Instead, he faceplanted on the next platform, his scarf doing a great job at covering his shame.

If one listened closely, they could hear a disgruntled skeleton groaning into the strange mixture of rocks and dry dirt he just splatted on.

"I'M SO GLAD I DON'T LIVE IN HOTLAND."

--------

"WELL, THIS IS QUITE THE PREDICAMENT!"

Papyrus tapped his (presumably "chiselled") chin in thought, trying to bypass this inconveniently locked door. He knew there was an air vent back there, but he didn't feel like risking his life by letting it launch him over a pit of magma. That's just not responsible. None of these puzzles were responsible!

So with that option out of the way... The next step would obviously require some responsible property damage!

"ALRIGHT, DOOR!" The skeleton took a battle stance, summoning his regular bone attacks as if he was ready for a fight. Which, in a way, he was. He even summoned a giant bone the size of a wizard staff, like the ones you see in fantasy movies. Except this staff was just a giant magic bone as opposed to a cool stick with gems all over it. "LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN MATCH MY MAGICAL PROWESS!!!! BONE ATTACKS!!!! CHARGE!!!!"

With that battle cry, the self-proclaimed warrior threw everything he had at the giant, reinforced stone door. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to budge.

Papyrus huffed and puffed, but he didn't give up. He started making wild gestures and posed dramatically, while the door stood tall and strong. "I SEE... A WORTHY OPPONENT. WELL, YOU PICKED THE WRONG BATTLE, DOOR!!! I ASSUME YOUR NAME IS... DORY!!! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE NEVER BEEN DEFEATED IN DOOR BATTLING, DORY!!! AND I NEVER WILL!!! HERE COMES MY MEGA ATTACK!!!! NYEEEEHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

With an even fiercer battle cry, Papyrus took his bone baton and swung it at the door!

The bone snapped in half. And one half flew into the lava.

"CURSES!!!!" Frustrated, the inconvenienced skeleton decided to try and kick the door instead. He's pretty sure he heard one of his phalanges crack as he did so.

He cried again, but this time it wasn't a battle cry. It was the cry of a very hurt skeleton, clutching his foot and lying on the floor, as if it was the most painful injury he has ever had in his life. It was not.

"OWWWWWW!!!! OWOWOWOWOWOWWWWW..." After the big baby was done bawling his inexplicable googly eyes out, he got on one knee and put a fist to his chest, facing away from the door and shedding a single tear. "YOU... DEFEATED ME... DORY..."

...

And of course he snapped back not even a moment later.

"WELL, TIME TO TRY OUT THAT PUZZLE NOW!" He marched towards the air vent like he DIDN'T just attempt destruction of public property.

...Yeah. No. Papyrus wasn't going to trust an air vent. If you have to get somewhere, you have to do it yourself! And luckily, the sly skeleton had a trick up his sleeve!

He took a big leap across the gap, almost as if he just took flight.

"HUH. WONDER WHY I DIDN'T DO THAT BEFORE." Papyrus pondered as he purposefully approached the lever puzzle on the other side. Sitting next to it is what appeared to be a very miserable Vulkin, sat on the ground beside in the troubled fetal position.

"OH!!! HELLO, LITTLE GUY!!! AREN'T YOU GOING TO COMPLETE THE PUZZLE?"

"No..." The childlike Vulkin whimpered. "I don't knows how."

"WELL, THAT'S A SHAME..." After a moment of thought, Papyrus perked up a kind smile towards the Vulkin. "WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU, YOU'RE IN THE PRESENCE OF A PUZZLE MASTER!!! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM AN EXPERT AT PUZZLES, AND I WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO TEACH YOU THE ROPES!!!!"

"Reallys?"

"WHY, OF COURSE!!!" Like the heroic figure he is, Papyrus posed and let his scarf flap in the... wind? "IT'S LIKE TEACHING A MAN TO FISH!!!! IF YOU TEACH A FISH TO MAN... NO, MAN TO FISH FOR A DAY... WAIT... THAT'S NOT HOW THE- WELL MY POINT STILL STANDS!!! COME ON, LET'S FIGURE THIS PUZZLE OUT TOGETHER!"

He held his hand out. "I BELIEVE IN YOU!"

After a moment's hesitation, Vulkin took his hand with a grateful smile. Side by side, the duo tried every lever combination, until they finally heard a clicking sound!

The sound of Dora's ultimate defeat!

"AHA!!! YOU SEE?! NO DOOR STANDS IN THE WAY OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

"Wows! I can't believe you dids it! Vulkin must thank you!"

"OH, PLEASE, DON'T MENTION IT TOO MUCH!" Papyrus puts a hand to his chest, "humble" as ever. "I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT ALONE, AFTER ALL!" He knew he totally could have, but he wanted to make Vulkin feel special. After all, part of being a good teacher is applying positive reinforcement to students who have done a good job.

"Still! You taught me so much! In return, Vulkin will supply you with health!"

"HEALTH?"

What happened next was quite a turn. The tiny volcano monster, excited as ever, start spawning in bullets that definitely, absolutely, did not look GREEN!

Papyrus' eyes bulge out of his eye sockets. He doesn't have time to spar!

"OH, WOWIE... UM, SORRY, VULKIN, BUT I CANNOT KEEP MY BROTHER WAITING!!! I'LL SPAR WITH YOU ANOTHER TIME!!!!"

"Waits!"

It was too late. Papyrus was already booking it through Dory. He didn't even have time to brag about how he faked the door out and ensured his own victory!

Luckily, the bullets could only go so far before they disintegrated completely.

--------

Further along the path, Papyrus found that it's blocked by a myriad of lasers. The lasers were only two colours.

The blue lasers were consistently sliding up and down the path. It was almost mesmerising to Papyrus, really. He knew what blue lasers meant. He vaguely remembered Sans teaching him what blue attacks do back when they started developing their own magic in Fourth Year.

Blue stop signs. When you see a stop sign, you stop, so imagine blue stop signs.

Sans always had the strangest analogies.

Although, those still orange lasers are new to Papyrus. What were they even for?

"HMM... HOW ODD. IT APPEARS THAT A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED. HMM..."

...

"I'M GOING TO EAT IT!!!!"

Papyrus quickly learned that lasers aren't edible, just like how lamps aren't edible!

617/680 HP

He attempted to eat all of the orange lasers with the exact same result.

Luckily, Papyrus eventually caught onto the orange lasers' real function of only hitting those that stay still!

609/680 HP

Eventually.

"THANK GOD I DON'T LIVE IN HOTLAND!"

--------

He really wished that Vulkin actually knew how green bullets work.

"STUPID LASERS, STUPID DORY, STUPID LAB VISION THING, STUPID STUPID STU- WAIT... DOTH MY EYES DECEIVE ME?! WELL, YES, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY EYES, BUT OH MY GOD!!!!!"

The elated skeleton proceeded to put his hands on his goofy face and wipe his feet all over the rocky dirt, for the sole reason that there is an elevator! Finally, he can skip everything and go straight to the comedy show!

"HECK NYEH! HECK NYEH! HECK NYEH! HECK NYEH! HECK NYEH!" Papyrus chanted as he stepped inside the elevator and pressed the button that would take him to the third floor. Now, all he had to do was wait and wipe his boots on the metal ground some more.

"ELE-VATE! EVE-VATE! EVE-VATE!"

The elevator began elevating.

"EVE-VATE!!! EVE-FATE FASTER!!!"

Clang! Click! Rumble! The elevator shook just under Papyrus' feet. Startled, the skeleton gripped onto the handrails as hard as he can, half-collapsed against the wall.

"WHAT THE- HEY!!! IS THE ELEVATOR SICK OR SOMETHING? DO YOU NEED A COUGH DROP?"

Silence. The elevator door opened.

"OH. UM... WELL, I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON!" Stepping out of the elevator, Papyrus turned the corner, expecting a glowing resort. Instead, all he found even more ridiculous puzzles.

"GODDAMMIT!!!!!" The unlucky skeleton stomped on the ground in disbelief, before turning back to the elevator, only to spot yet another inconveniently placed sign.

Our sincerest apologies, but the elevator can only move between two floors right now. We will make sure it's up and running very soon!

One might wonder how a skeleton's eye sockets can twitch. The answer was magic.

"I HATE HOTLAND!!!!!" The frustrated monster kicked up the pebbles in the sand and dirt, only to somehow get some caught in his eye socket. "AAAAAAAAAA-"

--------

The entirety of the second floor was a mess. They made mazes out of AIR VENTS, for goodness sake! AIR VENTS!

"THE BEST PUZZLES ALWAYS HAVE SOME SORT OF... UGH, FIRE INVOLVED!" Papyrus ranted once again, opting out of using the air vents and just jumping all over the mazes. It's definitely more efficient than actually doing them, despite being a puzzle enthusiast himself. "OR SPIKES!!! THE BEST PUZZLES ALWAYS HAVE SPIKES!!! THEY'RE MEANT TO... ARGH, TRAIN YOUR MIND!!! TO TEST YOUR SKILLS!!! HECK, EVEN SOME PHYSICAL PROWESS... NGNGNGH!!! IS ALWAYS INVOLVED IN SOME CAPACITY!!!! THEY ARE PROFICIENT!!! AND VERY CHILD-FRIENDLY!!!! CHILDREN, GRR, LOVE SPIKES!!!! AND FLAMES!!!! I LOVED SPIKES AND FLAMES!!!! I STILL DO!!!!"

Another grunt and he officially leapt over the vent maze. Thank goodness!

...Wait, this was the wrong way.

"AAARRRGGHH, THE ENTIRETY OF HOTLAND IS A MAZE!!!!"

With an overdramatic stomp (that made dust fly into his mouth, gross), Papyrus turned back and decided to just take the conveyor.

The conveyor propelled Papyrus towards an air vent.

"WHAT?!"

The air vent propelled Papyrus back to the conveyor.

"THE?!"

The conveyor propelled Papyrus back to the air vent.

"HEY!!!'

The air vent propelled Papyrus back to the conveyor.

"STOP!!!"

The conveyor propelled Papyrus back to-

"WHO DESIGNED THIS?!?!"

The air vent propelled Papyrus back to-

"I'M SO GLAD I DON'T LIVE IN HOTLAND!!!!!"

--------

Finally! A clear area!

Oddly exhausted for such a hyperactive skeleton, Papyrus took the opportunity to sit on the pavement and try to enjoy the view to the best of his ability, while rocking back and forth.

Back... forth... back... forth...

The action soothed Papyrus, along with the act of rubbing his hands together like a reptilian monster in Snowdin that's trying to stay warm. Never in a million years would Papyrus admit it, but he really needed a break.

Will this make him late for Sans' performance? Maybe not. He still had plenty of time, after all. Besides, Papyrus knew deep down that he will feel terrible if he missed Sans' performance. However, he also knew that if anyone will understand why he's hypothetically late, it's Sans. It doesn't make Papyrus feel any better, though.

The CORE could be seen from where Papyrus was sitting. It's practically in front of his face, albeit at a distance. He doesn't know why, but something about it just feels... familiar to him. It's the same thing as the lab. That weird... deja-vu feeling. That feeling where something, or someone, was missing.

No matter what Papyrus tried, however, his memory always failed him. It's like something was trying to keep him from remembering anything. His childhood was blurry at best. He vaguely remembered... green grass... and trees... and Sans.

What is with Hotland and triggering this kind of feeling? Papyrus scowled at the ground and tried to shake it off. After all, he has a brother to get to.

No more time for dilly-dally! The Great Papyrus cannot be late!

--------

Papyrus liked the third floor, somewhat. He didn't feel as thirsty, which meant that being further away from the magma helped cool him down, and the surroundings were a pleasant shade of purple. The only thing that Papyrus didn't particularly enjoy were the cobwebs. Why were there so many? And why were the spiders on them passing each other treats? Papyrus almost wanted to ask them, but no! That would be dillying! And The Great Papyrus doesn't engage in that!

The cobweb quantity only seemed to increase as Papyrus approached a table full of treats. Ah! That's why! There was a spider lady running the stand. Come to think of it, Papyrus recognised her from the many pop ups he had yet to block on the Undernet.

Spider Bake Sale! All proceeds go to real spiders.

"WOWIE!!! THAT'S A VERY QUAINT LITTLE STAND YOU HAVE THERE!!"

The kindly spider, whose identification badge read "Miss Muffet", gave Papyrus a friendly customer service smile.

"Ahuhuhuhu! Why, thank you, dearie! I do try my best for the little ones."

As she spoke, Muffet held out one of her many hands and giggled as a spider delicately lowered itself and sat on her palm.

"WELL, YOU HAVE CERTAINLY OUTDONE YOURSELF!" The bold skeleton, in turn, puffed out his chest and put a hand on his hip, sporting his signature confident grin. "SO HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW THIS AREA?"

"I've been living in Hotland for quite a while, sweetie!" The spider lady giggled. "I like to think I know my way around quite well."

If Papyrus were more cautious or attentive, he would have found that giggle rather sinister or creepy. But being the kind, trusting skeleton he is, instead Papyrus took it as a friendly high-pitched giggle.

"WELL, THEN! I AM ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE HOTLAND MEMORIAL RESORT! DO YOU THINK YOU COULD POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION?"

"Ahuhuhuhu~ Why, of course, dear! Just go straight along the path, and take a left at the end." To give a visual aid, the kind spider even pointed Papyrus the right way, ensuring that he knew what path to take.

"AH!!! WHY, THANK YOU, SPIDER LADY!!! I WILL BE GOING NOW!!! GOODBYE!!!"

With a happy grin on his face, Papyrus began to march down the path Muffet pointed to. His merry jaunt was only halted when he tried to enter this strange purple building. Multiple red eyes glared at him from the dark, and a low growl could be heard.

If Papyrus had saliva, he would definitely swallow it. The creature only felt like it was getting closer... and closer... And closer...

That's when he heard that same familiar giggle, but this time... It was definitely a lot more sinister.

"Excuse me, dearie~ But I think you forgot something."

Papyrus reluctantly turned around, only to find Muffet standing there, in front of a giant network of spider webs, all intricately designed by millions of spiders for the sole purpose of blocking Papyrus' way. To prevent escape.

"Ahuhuhuhu~ You see, dearie, spiders need to eat too. And so do their pets."

Papyrus froze like a deer in headlights. "P-PETS, YOU SAY?"

"Oh, yes! The least you could do is buy one of our pastries."

"OH, UM... S-SORRY. I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY." It was true. He really didn't have the funds for any spider treats. "BUT I'M SURE IT'S DELICIOUS!"

"No money? What a shame." Muffet put a hand to her mouth and giggled once more. "Say, I've always wondered how bones would taste in spider cakes. Do you want to help me find out?"

A low growl erupted from the spider cave, causing Papyrus to whip his head around back towards it. The creature, which looked like a giant spider muffin, creeped out of the cave, with his vicious, hungry jaws wide open. It looked like something out of Papyrus' not-the-greatest-but-not-the-worst nightmares.

Aaaaaaaaaand that his cue to leave.

"SORRY, BUT I CAN'T STAY!!!" The skeleton shrieked before expertly sliding under the muff-thing as it pounced. Unfortunately, the cave Papyrus had tried sliding into was also blocked by spiders and cobwebs. These guys were fully determined to make Papyrus their lunch, but Papyrus didn't exactly feel like letting them make a meal out of him. Not today, at least. Perhaps another time, when he didn't value his life. So, never.

"UHH... UM..." In a panic, Papyrus frantically searched for anything that can help him, any means of escape.

"COME ON, COME ON... SOMETHING... ANYTHING... THERE!!!" Papyrus looked up and yelled to no one in particular. The spider cave had a roof. If only he could get up there, he could get away.

To his displeasure, the wall appeared to be quite flat. Not exactly climbing material. But that didn't matter when he had magic and athleticism on his side!

Papyrus focused on summoning his magic as the cake-muffin-monster thing slowly closed in on him. He could almost feel the other spiders eyeing him up hungrily. He didn't know what good bones would do for them! It's not like he has any meat on his bones or anything!

Sans would love that one.

The spider thing crawled even closer.

It's now or never!

With a burst of determination, Papyrus launched a bone attack directly into the wall of the cave.

Muffet looked displeased. "Hey, wait! Aren't you going to join us for a bite?"

The skeleton ignored her and prepared to jump, the spider muffin right on his coccyx. Just as it was about to chow down on him, Papyrus took off in a blast of blue magic, reached out and...

Just about grabbed the bone!

"WHEW!!!"

There he was now, gripping onto his bone attack, just slightly out of reach from the creature. What a relief... Well, it would be a relief if it didn't keep snapping at his legs! Annoyed, Papyrus tried kicking it away.

"HEY!! I'M NOT LUNCH!! GET OFF MY LEG!!"

The creature didn't like that. Instead, it dug its legs into the walls and planted them down.

Papyrus' eyes widened when he realised that he missed one CRUCIAL detail - spiders can climb. And this creature was part spider.

"HISSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

In a frantic panic, Papyrus summoned another bone attack and pulled himself up towards it. Then another. And another.

Meanwhile, the creature only ever got closer and closer. It was large, fast, and very, VERY hungry. Why did Muffet even HAVE this thing as a pet in the first place if she wasn't going to take care of it?!?!

It was all Papyrus could do to stay alive. One bone after another. Another swing, another jump, swing once more, jump once more. And if he didn't do it in time, then...

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"

Just keep going!

Another swing!

A slip!

Get a grip!

Another bone!

Another swing!

Almost get his leg ripped off!

Another leap!

Leaped too far!

More teeth!

More bones!

The roof of the cave!

It's in sight!

Keep going!

Another growl!

Eventually...

"OOF!!!" A huff. A puff. "I... I MADE IT."

And so did the muff-thing.

"OH, GOD!!!!"

Papyrus dashed across the roof of the cave, dodging, ducking and diving when necessary! It's a miracle he didn't trip!

...Whoops, that jinxed it.

"OOF!!!" Disoriented, Papyrus propped himself up on his elbows and took a short breather, looking for another way to escape.

The view was very... Hotland. There were terrible puzzles as far as the eye socket can see. There was even another one that involved air vents, lasers AND a stone door. That right there is Papyrus' least favourite nightmare.

But perhaps even nightmares could be helpful in some situations.

And if there's one thing Papyrus had over this... "pet"... It's his secret jumping ability. If he moved his legs fast enough, he could even fly. And it's about time that special move came in handy.

He can hear the growls and the snapping jaws of the animal behind him. There is no time to waste.

Papyrus leapt to his feet and threw himself all the way to the edge of the cliff. With one final look (how many layers of teeth does a muffin spider need?!), he used all of his power to take the biggest leap of faith he had ever made in his life.

He could feel his hands start to glow brightly as another shockwave of invisible magic blew up from under his feet, blasting him further and further away from the beast, until finally, he landed just behind the big stone door, drained from using so much magical energy in one move.

He celebrated his victory by leaning against the door and recovering from both the intense stress he was put under and the amount of magic he had to use just to survive.

He's so happy he doesn't live in Hotland.

--------

As much as he loves puzzles, the usually energetic skeleton sadly did not have the energy to endure another one. Especially not one from Hotland of all things.

He couldn't wait to get to the resort. Hopefully, he can get a drink once he's there. He's so thirsty...

The world felt a little dull to Papyrus. Surely, a place with bright lights and loud drilling sounds from the elevator up ahead would be a dream for him! But after everything that he's been through today, all the overstimulated skeleton wanted to do was go to the resort and watch Sans living it up onstage.

After a long afternoon of fate not being on Papyrus' side, the final puzzle was mercifully deactivated.

Once Papyrus turned what would have been the final corner, he spotted two Royal Guards attempting to fix the elevator.

If it wasn't cool enough for them to be super tough and authoritative! Not to mention friendly towards the locals! They can fix things too?!

There was no doubt in Papyrus' mind. The Royal Guards are the best group in the entire underground, only for the coolest people! Just like that, most of Papyrus' energy returned, powered by the admiration he had towards them.

The two guards in question were in full armour (they were in Hotland... how?), but he can still tell their species underneath. One of them is clearly a dragon monster, digging into the power box to try and fix the elevator. As a dragon, of course he was going to be very muscular and strong. The other just as muscular guard was a pink rabbit monster, nervously twiddling his thumbs and sweating heavily. It wouldn't be a stretch to say it was because of the heat, but then Papyrus' attention was cast to the dirt on their armour. Oh. Ohh! It was cooling dirt! Their boss must have given it to them straight from Waterfall! Clever!

But nevertheless, the rabbit guard seemed very nervous about something. He kept stuttering and spluttering, attempting to start a conversation with the dragon, then getting flustered whenever the latter glanced his way.

Papyrus' eye sockets narrowed as he sported a massive smirk. He knows what's going on here.

The rabbit guard must have caught onto Papyrus' smirk, because suddenly he acted super flustered, even almost falling over. Ah, Royal Guard love.

"H-Hey! You! W-what are you looking at, d-dude?!" The rabbit pointed at Papyrus suspiciously. "Do not step near the elevator!"

Oops. "HEY, IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT! I WAS JUST GOING TO THE RESORT!!! UH, ONCE I FIND IT, OF COURSE..."

"W-Well, then... Like... Uhh..." The rabbit was still trying to regain his (admittedly weak) composure. Luckily, the dragon guard spoke up in his gruff voice.

"'S' right about the corner. You can't miss it."

"THANKS!!!"

There was no doubt in Papyrus' mind. Even when they're flustered, they're still the coolest monsters in the underground... Besides himself, of course!

Everything about the Royal Guard was cool! Their armour, their skills, their friendliness, their apparence... Even the low growling sounds they make are-

Wait. Low growling sounds?

"OH NO."

Reluctantly, Papyrus turned to where the growling was coming from. And just his luck, the last thing he wanted to see is right there. Muffet's pet sure is resilient, huh?

"OH, OF COURSE!!!" Papyrus snapped sarcastically. "THIS IS JUST WHAT I WANTED TO SEE!! HELLO, FAIR CREATURE!! IT'S NICE OF YOU TO CHECK UP ON LITTLE OLD ME!!! WOWIE!!! I CANNOT WAIT TO BECOME YOUR MEAL..."

Muff-things don't understand sarcasm. They only understand the hunt. And hunt it shall do.

"GrrrrrrrAAAAAOOOUUUUULLLLL!!!!"

"A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A." What? Papyrus had to save his font box somehow. Even he has his limits with screaming.

Running, on the other hand, sounded like a very good idea, so he did that. However, the muffin spider beast also had the same exact idea.

Running around the corner the guards directed him to, Papyrus could practically taste the Hotland Memorial Resort! The front doors! They're right there!

"RAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Somehow, the predator jumped over Papyrus and landed just in front of the doors, blocking the way! In a frantic panic, Papyrus steered himself to the left of the monster, running down a long, dark alleyway, until...

A dead end.

"OH, GREAT. SANS IS GOING TO MAKE SO MUCH FUN OF ME WHEN HE FINDS OUT I GOT EATEN BY A MUFFIN ON THE WAY TO HIS SHOW."

Oh, yeah, your priorities are definitely straight.

"OH, SHUT UP!!!"

"RRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"

"YOU SHUT UP TOO!!!"

Papyrus, quite frankly, had had enough. Sure, he was terrified of being eaten, but with everything else he had to suffer through today to get here, this was more like a dreadful cherry on top of his suffering sundae.

What could he possibly do? He didn't want to hurt the thing. It is someone's pet, after all. The Great Papyrus would never harm another person's pet! That's just wrong!

Oh, it's coming closer. Great.

Thinking on his feet, Papyrus came up with an idea that involved using his osteokinesis in a new way... Perhaps he could make more than just femurs...

Meanwhile, the muffin spider was attempting to push itself into the valleyway. It's a very large, and more importantly, very WIDE creature, but slowly, steadily, it shuffled closer and closer to its ultimate goal: a bonemeal. It was so close, it could almost see it dancing around naked in the alley!

Ah, yes. The naked skeleton dancing and flopping around in the alley. Its mandible was unhinged, and the colour looked a bit off, with some bones being blue and some being grey. The limbs looked like they were just barely attacked to each other, and it couldn't stand up without magical assistance. Its legs were slightly bent over, and the arms were constantly swinging from side to side. The ribs were ragged and uneven, and the spine was crooked. Empty, lifeless eye sockets gazed upwards, as if it was admiring a sky it can't see. But even with all of these features, to the mindless muffin animal, the meal looked incredibly satisfying. Muffet would be pleased.

"OH, NO!!!" The "skeleton" cried. "I'M CORNERED!!! OH, WOE IS ME!!! I GUESS I'LL JUST DIE!!!"

This was the most disturbing thing Papyrus has ever had to do. But nonetheless, he continued, puppeteering the magic model so that it almost touched the spider thing.

"I AM READY TO BE YOUR MEAL NOW... I COULD NEVER OUTRUN A BEAST LIKE YOU... WHOOPSY!!!"

In an unexpected turn of events for the spider muffin, the "skeleton" somehow just... flew over it and landed by the front of the building. Seeing its delicious prey get away, the beast struggled between the rocks and the building, frantically digging into the ground, and finally managing to pull itself out. And just in time too! The "skeleton!" It's getting away!

With another growl, the muffin monster pet took off, disappearing around the corner.

As for the real skeleton, he immediately ran out of the alley to make sure it was gone. Once it was all confirmed, Papyrus finally released control of his magic.

"PHEW..."

CRUNCH!!

Papyrus flinched hard as he heard the sickening crunch of bones just around the corner. Suppose the predator finally caught its prey.

A husky voice rang out from around the corner.

"What the? Hey, hey! Not cool, dude!"

Sorry, Royal Guards. They have quite a mess to clean up.

--------

Oh, how glad is Papyrus that he completed his mission!

Stumbling into the resort, all the disturbed skeleton wanted to do was sit down, relax and watch his brother perform comedy on stage. Speaking of his brother...

"SANS!!!" Papyrus' voice rang out with a cheery gasp, before he ran up to his prize and gave him a huge hug.

"whoa, heh! nice to see you too, buddy." Sans wished he could hug back, but his arms were trapped by Papyrus' own. That small issue was fixed soon enough when Papyrus pulled away.

"OH, MY GOD!!! YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH TO GET HERE!!!"

"heh, hotland's really that bad, huh?"

"OH, BROTHER... IT'S WORSE."

The laugh that erupted out of Sans' skull made the entire journey worth it.

"well, at least you got here in one piece."

"WELL, YEAH!! I DID. I WOULDN'T SAY THE SAME FOR ANOTHER SKELETON, THOUGH."

"what."

"NOTHING!!!" On second thought, it's probably best not to tell Sans about his near-death experience. He would never let him live it down. "WHAT MATTERS NOW IS THAT I'M HERE AND YOU'RE HERE AND WE'RE HERE TOGETHER! THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!"

"yeah..." Sans looked down at the floor, his face sporting a mixture of nervousness and relief. "tibia-nest... i'm glad you're here, bro. i don't think i could do this thing on my own. not with my, uh... well, you know."

Papyrus' face softened. Of course. A very common fear. He didn't blame his brother. After all, even the bravest individuals in the world are prone to a little performance anxiety. No wonder why Sans was so relieved when he saw Papyrus.

Well... There's only one thing for him to say.

"OF COURSE, SANS. I WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD. EVEN THOUGH YOUR JOKES ARE STILL TERRIBLE."

And just like that, the tension was gone. There was nothing but chuckles coming out from his smaller brother. Yet another victory for The Great Papyrus!

--------

The atmosphere of the restaurant was wonderful. The dim lights, the muted colours, the comfy chairs... And the well-lit stage where Sans would be performing. This was it. This was his big moment. Their big moment. Papyrus already accomplished something by surviving Hotland... Now it was Sans' turn.

And as the curtains began to rise, Papyrus only thought one thing: this was going to be a spectacular first show.

Chapter Text

The lights dimmed and the curtains rose. A purple reptilian monster with a big hat and a suit came on stage to announce the acts that will be coming up next. Looks like Papyrus missed a lot of acts, including one from the comedian Mr. Drake. While that performance sounded wonderful, he was only really here for his brother. It was his first show, after all.

Gosh darn it, Papyrus will make sure Sans got all the support he could ever need! He's prepared to clap the loudest, to cheer and laugh and wallop for him. He'll even stand on the table and scream his name if it meant that Sans will be proud of himself. Performing on stage for a bunch of monsters... It sounded like a dream come true! But then he remembered how nervous Sans was for this gig. Stage fright is normal, sure, but Sans didn't deserve that! He needed fans, just like Papyrus does! So tonight, Papyrus will assume the role of Sans' biggest fan, because in a way, he kind of is.

And it looked like Papyrus wasn't alone in that regard. He recognised one of the other audience members as one of Sans' newest friends. The lizard girl he follows on Undernet. What was her name? Alphys? Alphys! Ah, the Great Papyrus' perfect memory kicking in again. Sans mentioned her to Papyrus yesterday. And while he was a little envious that Sans was making friends long before Papyrus, he's more happy for him than anything else. He smiled warmly that despite only knowing Sans for two days at most, Alphys still dropped everything to go to Sans' show.

"And now I would like to introduce you a brand new act! With his penchant for wordplay and his habit of popping up out of nowhere, this self-proclaimed gremlin of a skeleton has already taken the underground by storm! Everyone give it up for... SANS THE SKELETON!"

Cue obligatory round of applause and Papyrus screaming and shaking the poor waiter closest to him as his comic of a brother shuffled on stage in his usual laidback fashion, albeit with a few beads of sweat on his forehead.

"OH MY GOD!!!!! THAT'S MY BROTHER!!!!! CAN YOU SEE HIM?!?!?! THAT'S MY BROTHER!!!!!! HE'S RIGHT THERE, OH MY GOD!!!!!" Papyrus screeched, shaking the poor water vigorously. It was miraculous how the poor leopard-mouse hybrid kept a hold of his client's drinks.

"O-Okay..." Was all he could say.

Sans didn't hesitate as much as Papyrus almost expected him to. With a deep breath and forced courage, the little skeleton got right on with the show.

"hey, everyone. it's me, sans. sans the skeleton. i just flew in from snowdin. wait, that doesn't sound right. skeletons can't fly." He winked at Papyrus. Papyrus felt personally attacked. "but what they CAN do is rattle. and boy, was i rattled with excitement when i found out i got this gig."

Several members of the crowd lent a light chuckle. Sans' shoulders laxed a little.

"but as excited as i was, boy, was it a long way to get here. i'm bone tired just by walkin' here."

Another round of laughter. More people joined in this time.

"i mean, take a look at my brother over there." Sans gestured to Papyrus in the crowd. "he made it through alla hotland on foot, and lemme tell ya, he wasn't feeling too hot after that."

Papyrus snickered. It was true. The journey was a nightmare. At least the people in the crowd found it amusing.

"i mean, seriously, what is up with those puzzles? i don't mean to vent, but someone really needs to build a bridge around those things, ya know? heh. i mean, it was a struggle for me to find just a simple shortcut around 'em."

A couple of chuckles here and there.

"does anyone here actually like those things?"

An unsuspecting audience spoke up. "I do!"

"get out."

Another round of laughter.

"i don't wanna disrespect the puzzlers behind 'em, but they have nothing on snowdin. in my opinion, they have the coolest puzzles around. it's snow contest."

Papyrus facepalmed and covered his snickering face. He wondered when the perfect time for him to hoot and holler for Sans is. Although judging by the fact the beads of sweat were slowly disappearing from his skull... he might not need it.

Over the course of fifteen to twenty minutes, Sans' voice went from a nervous quiet monotone to a slightly more animated, louder (which for Sans is the average speaking volume, thank GOD he had the microphone) and more confident in the way he delivered the punchlines, which in turn generated more laughter from both Papyrus and the audience.

He was in it.

THE ZONE.

After retelling the time the brothers had almost caused an avalanche in Snowdin, a loud squeal erupted from the crowd.

"EEEEEEEEE!!!!! SANSY!!!!! HI, SANSY!!!!!" The young bunny lady who always went to Grillby's desperately drummed on the table while reaching out for the stage, as if she wanted to reach out and grab Sans with her own two rabbit paws. It wouldn't be that hard if she just got up, considering how close her table was to the stage itself. Her swirly eyes gave the impression that she had way too many drinks, which didn't surprise Sans in the slightest. He leaned down so that he was closer to her.

"whoa, bunny buddy. and i thought my drinks went through me."

Another eruption of giggles from the crowd, encouraging Sans to continue with his lighthearted banter.

"tell me, how much didja have this time? two dozen? three dozen?"

"MARRY ME!!!" The drunk girl screamed. The combination of the volume and the contents of what has been said caused Sans to recoil and throw himself back to the center of the stage.

"haha, wow. at least buy me a drink first." Sans played it off. "seriously, you're gonna have to buy me a drink, i can't legally do that."

Some audience members laughed that time, but Bun laughed the absolute loudest. He noticed her! He really noticed her!

"hey, what's wrong with a little drink? we're all adults here, aren't we?"

"Yeah!!! Stick it to the man!!! Buy all the drinks you want!!! Who cares about age restrictions?!" A teenaged drake monster with shades screamed across the room. Sans didn't even have to squint to see across the dark room and spot it sitting at the same table as Mr. Drake and his son.

"...i stand corrected."

The crowd thankfully laughed off Sans' slight embarrassment at joking about alcohol in front of two minors. Ah, they were teenagers anyway. What's the fuss? Surely, they knew the effects of alcohol already, and besides, it's not like they can drink it. In fact, this rebellious monster gave Sans an idea. He clapped his hands together and tried to look as innocent as possible.

"heya, little buddy. soooo, how's school?"

"School sucks!!!! And so does homework!!!!"

"i see. well, how about the teachers?"

"Screw teachers!! I defy adults!!"

"ah, noted. well, i'm an adult. would you defy me?"

"All day, every day!!!!!"

"well, what if, as an adult, i told you to NOT do your homework?"

The shades-clad bird stopped in its tracks. Its mouth hung open like a baby bird waiting to be fed a worm as it tried to think of something to say... But nothing came.

"i think i broke it."

The crowd chuckled once again. Chilldrake had to admit, that was pretty clever. It had to respect Sans for that. It smiled and nodded its head, appreciating Sans' style.

Out of all the laughs in the audience, there was one that stuck out the most. A very snotty, snorty laugh coming from none other than... Jerry? Wait, no. That wasn't Jerry. He looked like Jerry, but he had a very distinct moustache, and a slightly darker skin tone. Not to mention, he was also bigger than Jerry.

"Haw HAW haw HAW haw HAW haw HAW *snort* HAW HAW!"

Sans felt an urge to laugh along, but he decided to pick up some material from it instead.

"say," Sans winked at the mustachioed squid man at the back. "i mustache you somethin'."

Papyrus leaned forward in anticipation for the next big joke. However, out of the corner of his eye sockets, he noticed a small gleam from just behind the sets. That's... strange. Wait, what was that creaking?

"so whatcha sayin' is, you guffaw your time and energy to your family, and you mustaci-owed yourself a break for tonight."

More laughter. More creaking. Papyrus looked up and found a rope suspended just above one of the set pieces, a large concrete sun that was located just above Sans. And it was coming loose. Oh, no.

"ooh, i've got a doozy for ya."

Creak...

"so the first time i went to a bar..."

SNAP!

CRASH!

Before anyone could tell what was going on, the concrete sun almost lands directly on Sans' head. The good news is, Sans is a very good dodger.

The bad news is, Sans has a tendency to trip on his own slippers.

CRUNCH!

Sans' already pale complexion turned almost grey as he felt a shockwave of pain radiating from his tibia. If he had a tongue, he would be biting it right now. What is a comedian to do? Scream? Cry? Sans desperately wanted to do both of those things. Pain is NOT something Sans has a strong tolerance of, unless you take into account mental and emotional pain, of which Sans had endured plenty of both.

But a comedian doesn't break. Not on stage, anyway. That's all behind closed doors. No. Sans had to think fast.

"h-hey, when they said 'break a leg', i didn't think they meant it literally." A wink and a shrug, and most of the audience was laughing.

But two weren't laughing. And those people are a horrified brother and a concerned friend.

In his horror, Papyrus spotted something behind the broken sets. A shadowy figure, slipping through the back doors. He can't quite make it out...

But that didn't stop him from chasing it!

"HEY!!!"

Snapping out of his shock, Papyrus attempted to run after the figure. However, by the time he made it backstage, it was gone.

"CURSES!!!"

He felt a small yellow hand touch his arm.

"U-Um... Maybe I could help."

--------

"WHO WOULD DO THIS?!?!?!"

Sans was getting sick and tired of Papyrus' relentless pacing and enraged yelling. He's been doing this ever since Sans was taken off the stage and put under Alphys' care. Honestly, it was great that she had a first aid kit on hand. Sans' right tibia looked completely shattered. Cracks littered the bone, and the part that took the brunt of it looked like it was almost snapped clean in half. Take into account the bone marrow seeping from the cracks, and you've got yourself an injury worthy of an R-rated zombie horror movie. Except, well, there were no zombies, unless the sun set piece was secretly some kind of concrete zombie. Heh, a concrete zombie movie. Sans would watch that.

Anyway, Sans wasn't the only one slightly tired by Papyrus' ranting.

"W-Well, whatever happened, this place is gonna h-have to compensate for the damages. It was THEIR set piece, after all. Who makes a hanging set piece out of CONCRETE?"

"BUT I SAW SOMEONE!!! SOMEONE CLEARLY HURT HIM!!! THEY HURT MY BROTHER!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!" Deep breaths, Papyrus. Deep breaths. "THEY NEED TO BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE!!!!"

Sans sighed with a groan, throwing his head back and leaning on his arms. "relax, bro, it was probably just an accident. i wouldn't worry about it too much."

"BUT I SAW SOMEONE!!!!"

"so? we don't have proof of anything. i'd rather just heal up and let it go."

Speaking of healing, Alphys finished up on wrapping Sans' leg with healing bandages, which immediately started glowing green upon contact with the injury.

"There." Alphys stood up, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead. "Those bandages are laced with green healing magic. Just let him sit for a while and in a couple of hours, his leg should be good as new."

A sigh of relief exited Sans' teeth. "thanks, pal. i owe you one."

Her answer was swift and deliberate. "No, you don't."

...oh.

Meanwhile, Papyrus tapped this chin and his foot, squinting his eyes in the direction of the door the figure had exited from. Maybe he was just engaged that his precious brother got hurt during his time in the spotlight, but something else felt... off. Where did that gleam come from? Why did someone run away moments after the set piece fell? Was it deliberate? Was it an accident? Papyrus had to know. For justice!

Backstage, Papyrus dug through a box of costumes, until he eventually found what he was looking for. A long beige coat and a matching bowler hat. The perfect detective's outfit.

Sans thought it looked ridiculous over his yellow crop top and white cropped jeans.

"snk-! pfft- ehehehehehehehe!"

"SANS, DON'T LAUGH!!! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM GOING TO DO A SERIOUS INVESTIGATION ON YOUR BEHALF!!! THIS PAIN PERPETRATOR WILL BE CAPTURED AND DETAINED!!!! JUSTICE IS INEVITABLE!!! THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS WILL MAKE SURE OF THAT!!!"

Sans only giggled again. Clearly, he didn't understand how serious this was. Never mind, then.

Alphys, on the other hand, seemed more weirded out than anything else.

--------

While he's back here, he might as well investigate what happened.

Papyrus' primary objective was to find the person behind it and confront them. He wondered to himself, what kind of moves would they deploy against him in the inevitable spar they are going to have once he's through. And then they will compliment him on his own bullet patterns, and then-

No, wait! He's getting ahead of himself! Set first, spar later!

"HMM... WHAT NOW? AHA! A GOOD DETECTIVE ALWAYS LOOKS FOR CLUES!!! WAIT, SO DO BAD DETECTIVES. THEY'RE JUST BAD AT IT! AND I AM NOT A BAD DETECTIVE!!!"

He said as he almost tripped on the concrete set piece. Alphys was right. Who makes a set piece of of concrete? That's a health code violation in more ways than one.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Without thinking, Papyrus kicked the lump of concrete like the piece of trash it is. A piece of it shattered, and Papyrus showed no sign of pain... until the shattered concrete crushed his toes.

"DON'T BREAK MY FOOT TOO!!!" He grumbled, shaking off the debris. "HONESTLY, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN EMBEDDED IN THE SET OR SOMETHING INSTEAD OF BEING SUSPENDED BY A ROPE-"

Wait... A rope! It was attached to a rope! Papyrus caught sight of the little hook attached to the top of the sun. The rope was securely attached to it. At least they got one thing right.

He followed the rope to the end. Using his thumb, Papyrus felt the end of the rope. A clean cut. It definitely didn't look like it snapped on its own. Someone cut through it. And it was probably that figure he saw earlier. Who else?

But who could that be? Papyrus doesn't remember what the shadowy figure looked like! Curses, why must his memory fail him at the worst possible time?!

However, a glint of metal caught Papyrus' attention. He turned to find a cute little swiss army knife sitting happily and innocently on the nearby bench.

"HMM..."

As he looked closer, Papyrus spotted something... interesting. A perfect little signature, written in cursive.

Chilly

No... It couldn't be...

The evidence was, however, overwhelming.

Sans chatted it up with the others in the restaurant. Poor brother... He was completely unaware that the perpetrator was right next to him.

Don't make a spectacle of yourself. Don't make a spectacle of yourself.

Papyrus leaps forward and slides through the curtains, stopping just before the edge. His head was thrown back, and his arms were in the air like he just didn't care, holding the knife in one hand, and immediately pointing at Chilly with the other once the slide was over and done with.

"IT WAS YOUUUUU!!!!"

The group fell silent. They were undoubtedly confused, for several reasons. Of course, with the exception of Sans, who facepalmed, and Alphys, who was trying to avoid eye contact with him.

Snowdrake spoke up first. "Uhh... It was what, now?"

Papyrus leapt up and proceeded to do a little angry tap dance (?????) on the stage before pointing at Chilldrake again.

"YOU!!!!"

"What the heck?!" The rebel was incredibly offended. "Dude! I was in the audience! How could I have done that?!"

"THEN EXPLAIN THIS KNIFE!!!" Papyrus whipped up the knife and showed it off, cursive signature and all.

To his surprise, Chilly's mood shifted from offended to cheery. "Oh, you found it!"

Well, that was... odd. Nonetheless, Papyrus pattered on. "YES, I DID!!! I FOUND THIS ON THE BENCH NEXT TO A PERFECTLY CUT ROPE!!! THE ROPE THAT WAS HOLDING UP THE SUN, NO LESS!!! NOW!!! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!"

The teen opened its mouth.

"NO, ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! I THINK I GOT IT!!"

Alphys squinted at Papyrus suspiciously. Sans kept his hand on his face, but glanced at his brother regardless.

"IT WAS THAT JOKE, WASN'T IT??? YOU COULDN'T TAKE HOW SANS THOROUGHLY SHATTERED YOU, SO YOU CUT THE ROPE AND DROPPED THE SUN ON HIM AS REVANGE!!!"

"revenge."

"REVENGE!!!!! YOU LITTLE REBEL. YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH IT? WELL, NOT WITH THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS ON THE CASE!!!! NYEH!!! HEH HEH!!!!"

"Chill, man." Chilly put its hands up defensively, still slightly offended. "You got it all wrong! I lost my knife this morning while I was painting graffiti outside with Snowy! ...Whoops."

"WHAT?!" Mr. Drake perked up. Oh, his son was in so much trouble. "Son! Do you have anything to say to your fahther?!"

Snowy scowled at Chilly, who merely responded with a silent "Sorry, man," shrug. All the younger teen could do is shake his head in disapproval. Mr. Drake glared at his son with even more disapproval! It was a conga line of disapproval! Or a train! Or a-

"Son, next time you vahndalise, do it where the sun shahnes."

Everyone in the vicinity laughed. However, the laughter was quickly cut short by two simple words.

"You're grounded."

"Dang."

Papyrus huffed. Curses! The culprit wasn't Chilldrake after all! How was he ever gonna catch the criminal? Well... There was only one way to find out.

--------

"W-Well... There he goes." Alphys sighed. She turned to Sans, who was still facepalming. "Embarrassed by your brother, huh?"

Sans let his hand fall. "i wouldn't say that. he's just... uh... very caring? he cares a lot, of course. especially when his loved ones get hurt."

"Um... sure? If you say so?"

Now, Sans is a very observant person, and one of his greatest skills, in his humble opinion, was the ability to accurately pinpoint someone else's mood based on their facial expressions and knowledge of the context. Sure, it took him literally all his childhood and teenage years to get the hang of it, but it's a skill the young skeleton is pretty proud of. He couldn't necessarily say the same for his ability to decipher tone or manage his own way of expressing things, however. He didn't understand. He couldn't understand. Whatever. Don't think about it too much.

Looking at Alphys' face, he can tell something was... off. In the way she thought about his brother. He knows that look. She might not necessarily be judging him, but she definitely found him... strange. Odd. Peculiar. Well... that just won't do. As dramatic as Papyrus is being right now (probably from a bad day or something), he doesn't deserve any of Alphys' suspicion to turn into bad judgement. And he definitely doesn't need it now, not when he's riled up over Sans' own injury. He shouldn't be, really. It was Sans' fault for tripping. If he dodged perfectly, then maybe...

No. Don't think about that. Alphys, Alphys. Gotta convince Alphys.

"hey, palphys?"

Alphys shot Sans a playful glare at that stupid, stupid nickname. "What?"

Sans returned a playful smirk. "do you have a problem with my brother?"

Immediately, Alphys' eyes widened as she attempted to appeal. "W-What?! No!! I don't have a problem with him at all! He's just... well... kinda... out there?"

Sans cocked a bonebrow. Suspicions: confirmed.

"I-I mean, I can tell he really cares about you! But the way he comes across, he's just... um..."

"yeah, he can be a bit much sometimes, heh."

Alphys' shoulders lost their tension. "Yeah..."

"but that doesn't make him weird or anything, right?"

"Um... Are you sure?"

"i'm sure... that he definitely has a different way of going about things." The jokester of a skeleton chuckled. "and yeah, he can be a little, uh, embarrassing... but who isn't embarrassed by their siblings every now and again, right?"

Alphys nodded, reminded with the relationship she has with her own siblings. "Yeah..."

Good. He was getting somewhere.

"i know i'm a bit pap-biased, heh. but y'know, he deserves a chance, don'tcha think? he's a bit eccentric, but he's a real star. never failed me. never. hey, even now he's goin' around, tryna get justice for my poor leg." The pain in his leg was dull now. The healing magic embedded in the bandage was working really well. "right now, i'm the sansel in distress, and he's my knight in, uh, a, detective... coat?"

Alphys laughed behind her hand, which led Sans to give her a sheepish shrug.

"something like that."

Alphys gave Sans a playful nudge, rolling her eyes.

Her mind casted back to Papyrus, though. Sure, he was doing all this for Sans, but did he have to do it so... theatrically? She didn't know what to make of him yet. But if Sans said Papyrus is a good person, then...

Meanwhile, Sans kept a close eye on Alphys' face. She was definitely still weirded out by all of this... But at least she's considering Papyrus. That's some progress, at least. At least, Sans was pretty sure that's progress. Maybe...?

Shut up, brain. Look through the prop box that was backstage instead. Who knows? Maybe there'll be some fun toys he can play with. And behold! There was!

"ooh, this water gun looks fun."

"S-Sans, that belongs to the-" Spritz spritz! Right in the face! "Sans, serious-" Spritz spritz!

Why does Alphys even bother?

--------

"SO THIS WAS WHERE THE MONSTER RAN... OOH, WHAT'S THIS?"

The Great Detective Papyrus had spotted something! Something potentially crucial to the case! On the surface, it didn't look like much, just an old cloak, but in this context? Oh, it was groundbreaking.

As he lifted it up, Papyrus realised something. It was only of a specific size. It was not large, far from it. It was... rather small, actually. So the person behind the smashing was rather small... Well, that definitely narrowed it down!!!

"AHA!!!" The detective stood up, holding the tattered cloak up to his chest. "THE CRIMINAL MUST HAVE DROPPED IT WHILE THEY WERE RUNNING AWAY!! THEY REALLY HAVE A BAD HABIT OF DROPPING THINGS." The skeleton "nyeh'd" to himself. "BUT NONETHELESS, I, THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS, HAVE A GREAT LEAD! OOH, BOY!!! ONCE I FIND OUT WHO THIS DASTARDLY... SMELLY... DUSTY... EWW." Papyrus wished he bought his sniffer cloth with him. He held the cloak at an arm's length. "UGH, IF THEY FITS, THEY SITS! WAIT, NO... IF IT FITTED, THEN... UH, WHATEVER!!! WHOEVER CAN FIT THIS CLOAK WILL BE CALLED INTO QUESTIONING!!!!"

After he took it back to the others and everyone tried it on (sans the drake monsters, they're clearly innocent), Papyrus found that the prime person it fit was Bun.

"Ooh, so cozyyyyyy~"

"YEAH, OKAY, TAKE IT OFF."

It just about wrapped around Alphys, but with her spines, tail and slouched back, Papyrus doubted it was her who cut the rope. Besides, she was the one helping Sans heal, it couldn't possibly be her! Although she does keep looking at him with that strange look. Perhaps she's worried about Sans too! Aww! What a good friend!

"WELL, IT FITS, BUT I DOUBT IT WAS YOU. YOU GET A PASS, ALPHYS!!!"

"Um. Thanks." Alphys just... awkwardly handed it back.

Curious, Sans spoke up. "hey, can i try it on?"

"SANS, YOU WERE THE VICTIM."

"please?"

He was about one step away from donning those puppy eyes. No thank you, Papyrus thought. His eye sockets were already big enough without extra eyelights mimicking those of cartoonish girls.

"UGH, FINE." Papyrus dumped it on Sans' face.

His voice came out muffled from under the cloth. "thank you."

Well, well, well, it fit Sans almost perfectly! A little oversized, but not enough for him to swim in it. He looked like he could be the culprit... But he wasn't, so he had to take it back before Sans fell asleep in it. And he very well almost fell asleep in it!

Snatch!

"aww, man."

"WELL, EVERYONE HERE, EXCEPT YOU THREE, SINCE YOU'RE INNOCENT..." Papyrus gestured towards the drakes. "...HAS TRIED THIS THING ON APART FROM ME! SO I SUPPOSE IT'S MY TURN!!! WISH ME LUCK!!!"

Papyrus flipped the ugly thing around like a wizard's robe. Alphys gestured to Papyrus, glaring at Sans with a look that screamed, "Are you sure about this guy?" Sans, a little confused and slightly embarrassed, just shrugged it off with a look that said, "just go along with it."

Testing the feel of the dusty thing, Papyrus gasped.

Oh no.

It fits.

"NO!!!"

"what's wrong?"

"IT FITS!!! IT FITS... ME??? DOES THAT MEAN... I WAS THE SMASHER?!?!?!"

"................What."

Papyrus fell to his knees in agony. "THE ROPE CUTTER!!! THE CONCRETE CRUSHER!!! THE MASHER CRASHER!!!"

Bun giggled. "Crusher..."

A spotlight spontaneously shines on Papyrus, illuminating him, and only him, just like his accusation.

"OH, SANS... I... I FAILED YOU AS A BROTHER... I WAS MEANT TO NEVER HARM YOU... BUT ALAS... I DID."

"papyrus, no."

"PAPYRUS, YES!"

"papyrus, no."

"PAPYRUS, YES!!!!"

Sans resisted the urge to facepalm again. "bro."

Before Sans could get another word in, Papyrus was already up in his personal space, squishing his bony cheeks as much as possible. A single tear fell from Papyrus' shiny eye sockets. He was careful not to jostle Sans' healing leg, but it was still uncomfortable to witness. The touch, however, was not uncomfortable.

"SANS... WILL YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?"

"...'rus, just listen to me for two seconds. how could you have cut the rope if you were watching me from the audience? you were the one who saw the figure, so how could you BE the figure? well, unless there's secretly a clone of you that we didn't know about."

"WELL, THAT WOULD JUST BE SILLY!!! ...OHH." The spotlight disappeared as quickly as Papyrus' mood switched back to his cheerful self. "I SEE NOW. I DIDN'T DO IT. MY MISTAKE. WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING..."

Papyrus sprung to his feet and span around, finally pointing his accusing finger on the only other person who fit the cloak.

"THAT MEANS IT WAS YOU, BUN!!!"

An inexplicable spotlight shined brightly in Bun's face as she gasped.

"Me?!"

"YES!!! YOU DID IT!!! IT CAN ONLY BE YOU!!!"

The injured skeleton facepalmed again. The others just stood there, either dumbfounded, weirded out, or are genuinely into the drama of it.

Speaking of drama, Bun was happily playing along with Papyrus' theatrics, flopping over like she just got stabbed.

"Ohh my god! I'm accused of a crime! How... h-how... heart-wrenching!"

"YES, BUN. YOU ARE GOING TO BE GOING AWAY FOR A LONG TIME." In true detective slash police officer fashion, Papyrus paced up and down the stage, speaking in a matter-of-fact tone that highly contrasted his theatrical tone before. "IT'S NOT HARD TO TELL YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MY BROTHER... SOMEONE WITH A CRUSH AS INTENSE AS YOURS WILL GO TO EXTREMES JUST TO BE WITH THE ONE THEY LOVE."

"what the heck is happening...?" Sans briefly lifted his hands from his face, only to find Alphys with a notepad and a pen in her hand. Her jaw had dropped, and her eyes were transfixed on the scene in front of her. Meanwhile, Sans' only reaction to her was, "?!?!?!?!"

"SO YOU, BUN, ARE THE MASTERMIND, HUH??? YOU DELIBERATELY BROKE SANS' LEG TO FIND AN EXCUSE TO BE WITH HIM!!!"

Bun moaned as she collapsed on the floor. Meanwhile, Alphys was furiously scribbling down everything she just heard.

"I c-can already see the friendfiction..."

"am i having a stroke??! what is happening?!??"

Bun was fully into it now, sliding across the floor to move towards the injured skeleton. She quickly pulled herself up using his NOT injured leg and pulled herself onto his lap, using one of her ears to softly caress his chin.

"Oh, Sansy~ It seems that I'll be gone for a while... Wait for me, won't you, smoochie bear?"

Sans' nervous laughter came out louder than he initially intended. "hahahahaha, stayfarawayfromme."

It's a good thing his knight in a detective costume pulled Bun away from him! Although, if one looked closely at Papyrus' expression, they could tell that he didn't intend to pull her away in a lighthearted manner.

"OKAY, GOODBYE, BUN!!! I REST MY CASE NOW!!!" Papyrus' smile stiffened, then rested when he glanced at Sans and saw the relief flow through him. Sans responded with a look of gratitude.

Papyrus wasn't the only one who was upset with the way Bun just acted. Alphys stopped writing just to shoot her a glare, and even the drakes gave her dirty looks. It was only then that Bun realised...

"Oh, you were serious?" She giggled. "Oh no, no, no! I was just really into the show! And, aheehee, the one running the show~" She blew the uncomfortable skeleton a not-so-subtle kiss. Papyrus sidestepped closer to Sans as to block it. "I even spent hours waiting here just to see him onstage hehehehehe. Hehehehehehe! HAHAHAHAHA!! HAHAHAHAH-"

Snowdrake stuffed a pile of handkerchiefs in Bun's mouth just to get her to shut up. To her credit, it did.

With a groan, Papyrus mentally cleared Bun. NOTE TO SELF: NEVER LEAVE HER ALONE WITH SANS. EVER.

Sans, meanwhile, slumped in his chair. Alphys, who was just putting her notebook back in her pocket, patted him on the shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

Knowing his new friend would be there for him no matter what... It fills Sans with joy.

"yeah... i'm fine. really. bandage is doing wonders. look how far i can move my leg now." With a little strain, Sans playfully tried lifting his leg. But just before Alphys could stop him... They spotted something.

A shadow.

Backstage.

And they weren't the only ones who saw it.

"OKAY, BUN, YOU'RE GOOD TO GO." Papyrus felt an ear slapping his shoulder. He glanced down at Bun, who seemed perturbed. Where was she pointing?

...

Oh. That's the guy. That's the guy, surely, that's the guy!

"FOLLOW THAT SHADOWY GUY!!!"

It was like Papyrus was a general leading an army, because at his command, everyone proceeded to pursue this figure. Papyrus, however, was way ahead of everyone else. His sight was set on this mysterious silhouette, but his agility came in handy when it came to ducking and dodging every obstacle he encountered backstage. Sets, lights, a soundboard that he just slid across! And broke. But he can worry about that later! All that's important right now is bringing Sans justice!

Meanwhile, Sans and Alphys hobbled behind. The latter was trying to help the former run on a broken leg.

"ow. ow. ow. ow. this is very unpleasant. ow. ow."

"S-Sorry, Sans! I'm trying my best..."

"i know. thank you. ow. ow."

The rooms only appeared to get darker and darker, narrower and narrower, until one door opened. The light... So bright...

When Papyrus' eye sockets adjusted to the light, he noticed two things.

One: He was no longer in the restaurant. No, this was the lobby. The memorial fountain sat in the centre of the room, as well as the reception and burger joint just opposite it. Between it was the corridor, that led directly to the... Oh.

Two: The monster he was chasing was a lot smaller than he anticipated. Back there, he seemed so big! Still, he was caught in the act. This little squid monster... thing. He reminded Papyrus of someone unpleasant. Someone like...

"JERRY?!"

"W-What? Oh, h-ha ha, no, no, no." The little monster put up his tentacles in a placating gesture. His voice sounded old, but not elderly, like the guy was in his 50's. His accent was refined, but pleasant to listen to, and his tone was the same. If it weren't for the case, it would've put Papyrus at ease.

Instead, Papyrus steeled his resolve. "THEN WHO...?"

"Jerry's actually my, uh..." The hapless monster sighed in a long-suffering way. "My son..."

"OH... WELL, MR. JERRY, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I, THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS, HAVE A FEW THINGS TO ASK YOU!"

The monster stood there, confused, as several other monsters either ran or hobbled towards him. What was this, an intervention? It must have been all the Sea Teas he keeps drinking, he can stop at any time, he's sure of it!

"What is this about?" His sheepish expression slowly contorted into a concerned frown when he caught sight of the shorter skeleton in a green bandage, who struggled to stay on his feet so badly he had to lean against his friend. "Oh, dear, son, are you alright?"

"i'll be-"

"No!" Snowy huffed, snarling at the Jerry dad clone with a beautiful moustache accusingly. "You hurt this ice comedian person earlier! And now you must suffer the consequences!"

All Mr. Drake could do was sigh at his son's terrible joke.

Chilly also stepped in. "Yeah, man. Not cool!"

The two teens pumped their wings together in solidarity. Sans threw a proud smile their way, only to get non-verbally reprimanded by Mr. Drake for encouraging them.

Meanwhile, the former enigma of a monster looked positively dumbfounded. "O-Oh, dear... I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry for hurting you, son."

Something about that tone seemed off to Papyrus. "WAIT... THAT WAS SINCERE. SINCERE CONFUSION. WHERE WERE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, HONESTLY?! WHAT WERE YOU DOING BACKSTAGE?!?!"

"Whoa, whoa! Calm down, I'll tell you the truth." The pleasanter Jerry took a breath. "You see, I heard the joint across the way did blue popsicles for a limited time, and we don't get stuff like that in Hotland. I just wanted to try them out, that's all."

Alphys' chest bubbled with nervous laughter. "I don't blame you, honestly."

"Aw, man..." Chilly grumbled.

"I am honestly so sorry if I hurt you."

"hey, it's cool. it's nothin' against ya, these people just-"

A realisation caused Sans to open his eyes wide. As he looked around at all the people willing to go through all this trouble for him... for HIM... a warm feeling welled up inside him.

"...really care about me."

It was almost unthinkable. Sure, his brother cares about him, a LOT, but he barely even knows the drakes, and Alphys? He literally just befriended her recently! But even so, there's no possible logical explanation for their kindness and affection, other than maybe that's just how monsters are. Huh.

While Sans just kept warmly smiling at the ground like a dopey idiot, Papyrus attempted to coax some more information out of Jerry Sr.

"SO, WAIT. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BACKSTAGE?"

"I work part time as a theatre technician for some of our greatest shows. I just came off my shift and decided to stick around to get some food and watch a good comedy show. Butcha know, for a moment I realised I forgot my jacket, and when I went back in to get it, some of my colleagues were going nuts. Apparently some incident happened involving one of the set pieces. I assume that's what broke your leg."

When the monster addressed Sans, he immediately snapped back to attention. "huh? wha?"

"...Never mind."

"SO THE THEATRE TECHNICIANS WERE BEHIND IT, HUH?" Of course! How did Papyrus not think this sooner! He earned himself a facepalm. "WELL... AT LEAST WE HAVE A NEW LEAD."

--------

Carrying Sans was a lot easier than letting him hobble around the place. Papyrus was grateful that Alphys was here to keep an eye on him while he went to check on things. Nobody hurts his brother and gets away with it!

"hey, bro?"

"YES?"

"i, uh, think i'm gonna sit this one out."

"OH, HOW FUNNY! I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU THE SAME THING!"

"...wait, so you're gonna-"

"CONTINUE SEARCHING FOR THE PERPETRATOR, YES!!" He placed Sans down on a relatively comfortable chair. "YOU CAN JUST SIT HERE AND WORK ON GETTING YOUR LEG HEALED!"

"That's a good idea." Alphys wrung her hands together, avoiding eye contact. However, she didn't seem nervous at all. It was merely just her mannerism. "I'll sit this one out too, actually. I think Sans would appreciate the company. Besides, the healing bandage works faster if you're sitting still, so I guess I should monitor that."

For the third time today, Sans felt a warm feeling inside his chest.

"EXCELLENT! THAT LEAVES ME, THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS, TO SORT THIS CASE OUT!!!" The great skeleton detective proceeded to let his detective coat flap in the wind. How was there wind when it's indoors? Alphys silently asked herself the same question.

"thanks, bro."

"Hey! I found something!"

Immediately, all three heads snapped to attention. Snowdrake was just behind the curtain, peering into Papyrus with a concerned stare. Well, a skeleton's work is never done!

Papyrus went to investigate. As he followed Snowdrake backstage, he allowed him to show him what he found. And what he found was... odd, to say the least.

It was a record disc. A black record disc with a pink circle in the middle, wedged into the wall, like it had hit it at full force. The disc looked unusually sharp and tough. If it was a different shape, it would be classified as a ninja star.

Stupidly, Snowdrake proceeded to pull it out with his beak. Or at least tried to, before the gloved skeleton stepped in and took it out for him.

"HEY, DON'T DO THAT! YOU COULD HURT YOURSELF!"

"Sorry."

"HMM..." Papyrus inspected the disturbingly sharp object closely. There were little fibers of string on it, almost as if they came from a... rope?

"ACTUALLY, SNOWY, COULD YOU PLEASE GET YOUR FATHER AND JERRY'S DAD IN HERE?"

"Uh... Okay? What for?"

"I WANT TO TEST SOMETHING, BUT I DON'T WANT TO RISK HARMING ANY MINORS."

Snowdrake almost pouted at being called a minor. He knows he is one, but it still stung. "Fine."

One little scientific test later...

Papyrus scratched his chin as if he had a beard (though he felt like he would be VERY handsome with one!). "WELL, FELLOW MONSTERS!"

The test was accurate. Mr. Drake held one end of the rope, and Jerry Sr held the other end of the rope. But now they were two ropes, because the disc cut. them. clean. through.

"WE JUST HAVE TO FIND OUT WHO THIS DISC BELONGS TO, AND WE'VE GOT OUR GUY! AT LEAST, I THINK THAT'S HOW IT WORKS!"

"I'm starting to question why we ever followed you on this case." Snowdrake deadpanned, standing far off to the side.

"Because it's for Sansy, duh~!" Bun had just earned a side eye from Chilly. Congratulations, Bun!

Jerry Sr spoke up. "Say, I think I've seen that disc before, actually."

"WAIT, REALLY?!" Papyrus could just burst with excitement right there! But no! Cool detective, Papyrus! You are a COOL. DETECTIVE.

"Yeah, a little cat girl, she's new here. She brings that disc to work with her all the time! At least, it seems like she does. She never lets that thing outta her sight."

"WOWIE!!! THANK YOU, NICER JERRY CLONE!!!"

"I think Jerry is more like HIS clone!" Mr. Drake laughed. So did the rest of the room. Ah, that comedian...

Is this what it feels like to have friends?

--------

Being able to see what happens behind the scenes is really cool, in Papyrus' opinion. Jerry Sr, ever the kind soul, gave Papyrus the whole tour, from the makeup room to the staff rooms and everywhere in-between. Each new room filled Papyrus with a childlike sense of excitement, however, he cannot forget the main reason why he came here. The same reason why he even trekked through Hotland to get here in the first place. Sans. It was always Sans.

Papyrus steeled himself with a resolve to avenge his brother's leg at all costs. And that resolve only strengthened even more when Jerry Sr took him to one of the staff rooms.

Through the little window, he spotted a figure. The figure matched the one he saw earlier behind the curtain, only this time... They were uncloaked. Or rather, she was uncloaked, if her feminine appearance, voice and general mannerism was anything to go by. Why voice? Well, she wasn't exactly discreet. He couldn't make out what she was saying, but he can definitely hear her mumbling to herself, almost... anxiously?

"THAT MUST BE HER."

Okay. Time for a cool entrance.

CRASH!

Kicking down the door. What a cool entrance.

"YOUR TIME IS-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

Screaming. Also pretty... pretty cool?

"AAAAAAAAAAP!!!"

"A-App?" The cat girl curled into herself, terrified of the skeletective looming over her.

Papyrus looked away sheepishly. "UP."

"O-Oh. I... see..."

Now that they were face-to-face, Papyrus could get a good look at her features. She's a cat monster, first off. A pink, bipedal colorpoint shorthair, with large, cartoony eyes that lacked irises. However, that doesn't mean she lacked an eye colour, for her pupils were split vertically colour-wise in the middle, with the top half of them being a dark reddish-pink, and the bottom half being black. Her whiskers were never straight, and always in a twist, as was her frayed fur. As for her outfit, she wore a reddish pink v-neck dress with black accents that almost perfectly matched her eyes, a black cardigan, and a name badge that she flipped back to front so Papyrus couldn't see her name. Papyrus also couldn't tell if she hid her tail under her skirt, or if she just didn't have a tail at all. She walked around barefoot.

Papyrus fought back a smirk. She was shaking in her lack of boots! He briefly wondered how she would react to the disc. Oh well! There was only one way to find out!

He whipped it out like a ninja, startling the poor girl even more. Okay, too far.

"OH, SORRY!!! IS THIS YOURS?"

"Um..." Quick, think think THINK! "No."

"ARE YOU SURE?"

"....Yes."

"IT'S PINK."

"So?"

"WELL, YOU'RE PINK!"

"Just because I'm pink, it doesn't mean I necessarily like... pink."

"WELL, DO YOU LIKE PINK?"

She flinched. "Do you?"

"WHY, YES!!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS LOVES ALL COLOURS!!!"

"Then maybe it's actually yours."

"REALLY?! IT'S MINE?!?!" Papyrus inspected the disc. He practically marvelled at it. Could it be... Wait, no! She was tricking him! "I DON'T HAVE A RECORD PLAYER!!!"

"Well..." The girl's eyes darted around nervously. She struggled to pull herself to her feet. "Maybe you should consider... getting one?"

"AH, YES, I WILL DO- WAIT!!! STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!! IS THIS YOURS?!"

The girl froze, biting her lip. Her eyes darted around, and she began scratching her arm before folding them over her chest, trying to act all nonchalant. Needless to say, it wasn't working. She's been caught.

"HEY!!! WELL... I MUST ADMIT, IF YOU WERE THE ONE WHO CUT THAT ROPE, THEN-"

"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

Papyrus flinched. Jeebus! She was lucky it was Papyrus who heard it! If it were Sans, then... Well, Papyrus didn't want to think about what his reaction would be like. It definitely wouldn't be a good one, considering his hearing sensitivities.

He got a confession, though.

"WAS THAT AN ADMISSION OF GUILT?"

"U-Um... Okay, fine, I did it, okay?!?! Just don't tell my manager!" She turned and curled into herself. Papyrus stood there, flabbergasted. Someone got HURT because of her and she didn't want to own up to it?! This place is a lawsuit waiting to happen, Papyrus would swear.

"HEY, LOOK! I'M NOT MAD." Actually, he was downright furious, but The Great Papyrus is always cool, so he didn't find it right to let her know that. "I JUST WANT TO KNOW... WHAT HAPPENED?"

Her shivering stopped. "What happened?"

--

Lost and Found, Lost and Found, where is the Lost and Found?

Where on earth did they say Lost and Found is?! She was starting to panic now. The owner of this knife would be really upset if they couldn't their knife back. Judging by the signature, they must really care for the thing. Oh, if only she could read cursive!

Maybe... If she put it on this bench... Someone will come and put it in the Lost and Found... For her...

Perfect.

Well... Since she didn't have anything to do, she might as well relax and put some music on.

She took out her beloved music disc. With a wave of her hand, the record started spinning, playing beautiful classical music at a frequency only she can hear. Ah, the beauty of magic...

The spinning record danced up and down her arms, hovering close, but it never touched her fur. Her magic was too precise, too controlled for that to happen.

Maybe she should be a dancer. All those ballet lessons would finally pay off if she became one. Heck, maybe if she ever got to see the surface, she could dance in theatres all over the globe! Performing in front of thousands, no, millions of humans... All her hopes and dreams...

Her concentration was quickly ruined by a particularly loud laugh coming from the seating area.

"Haw HAW haw HAW haw HAW haw HAW *snort* HAW HAW!"

She successfully suppressed a startled shriek, but what she did not successfully do was maintain control of her flying disc. In a flash, the disc shot away from her and pierced itself directly into the wall.

"Oh no..." She whispered frantically as she ran over to grab it. She was so fixated on her disc, she didn't even see the cut rope!

...Until it was too late.

Creeeeeeaaaaaaaak...

CRASH!!

The sun piece... It's... It's...

SOMEONE WAS ONSTAGE.

No. No no no no No No NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

She needed to go! She needed to leave! Quick! Quick! Don't let anyone catch you!

Swiftly picking up the nearest cloak and wrapping it around herself, she made a dash towards the exit. She'll hide in an office. No one will ever be able to find her. She only hoped no one saw her leave.

--

Her hopes were dashed by the skeleton standing right in front of her, sporting a look of utter disbelief.

"SO IT WAS AN ACCIDENT."

All the cat girl could do was nod.

"AND YOU JUST... RAN AWAY?"

Oh no. She's in trouble. Noooo.

Papyrus scoffed. "YOU CAN'T JUST RUN AWAY WHEN YOU HURT SOMEONE! YOU NEED TO OWN UP TO IT! RUNNING AWAY SOLVES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"

The girl doesn't respond. Why is she not responding?! Papyrus felt like he's making some great points here!

"COULDN'T YOU APOLOGISE TO MY BROTHER, AT LEAST? I PROMISE YOU, HE'S A VERY FORGIVING PERSON! I'M SURE HE'D UNDERSTAND!"

"But... What about management? What if they find out-"

"MANAGEMENT HAS TO KNOW, LADY!!!" Deep breaths. Come on, Papyrus. You got this. "IF MY BROTHER OR HIS FRIEND OR I SUED THIS PLACE, THEN... WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WORKS, BUT I'M SURE MANAGEMENT WILL FIND OUT!!!!! AND I'M SURE... UM, WELL, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND OUT WHO'S RESPONSIBLE SOMEHOW, RIGHT?"

The cat girl squeaked and pulled down her ears in fear.

"RIGHT... SO!!! HERE'S THE PLAN! YOU APOLOGISE TO SANS FOR BREAKING HIS LEG-"

"I broke his leg?!?!"

"...YES. YOU BROKE HIS LEG."

"Oh nooooooo I'm so fired....."

Papyrus stuttered a bit. Was she seriously only thinking about herself right now?! What about his brother, the person she HURT?! Looks like a lesson was in order.

"NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT, IT'S ABOUT APOLOGISING TO THE PERSON YOU HURT. YOU CANNOT RUN AWAY FROM THIS. YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM THIS. YOU NEED TO STAND UP AND FACE THE MUSIC SOMETIME."

An unintentional pun. That can calm any and every nerve.

"SO, ARE YOU GOING TO STAND UP AND FACE THE MUSIC? OR ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP HIDING AND RISK GETTING YOURSELF IN MORE TROUBLE THAN YOU ALREADY ARE IN?"

Faced with those two options... Well, to her, it seemed like she only had one choice. She did NOT want to face the victim, but if she had to...

"Fine."

"NYEH HEH HEH!!! THAT'S IT!!! NOW, LET'S GO!!! YOU HAVE A VERY SPECIAL PERSON TO APOLOGISE TO!!!"

Special person? Really? Well... If she had to... She wasn't happy about it, though.

--------

When Papyrus and the cat girl came back to the restaurant, all the former suspects and Alphys were gathered around Sans, chatting it up with him. Which meant, of course, the detective had to interrupt them.

"EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE!"

They turned.

"I WOULD LIKE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I, THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS, HAVE FOUND THE CULPRIT!!! AND SHE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU, BROTHER!!!" As well as puffing out his chest, Papyrus gently nudged the pink kitty in front of him, waiting for her to enact her apology.

She was absolutely terrified, standing in front of all these people, who were no doubt upset at her for all of this. Gosh, she created so much hassle... Well... She can't escape this now.

"Um... The skeleton's b-brother?"

Sans popped out from behind the crowd. "here."

"I'm... Oh..." After a deep breath, the cat... broke. "I'm so so so so SO SO SORRY!!! *sob sob* I d-didn't mean to, please don't sue me, please don't tell managemeeEEEENT!!! I'm SORRY! *gasp gasp* I'M SORRY!"

"whoa, whoa, buddy, calm down." Sans put his hands up to show that he means no harm. "it's cool. really. just, uh, maybe don't make your set pieces out of concrete next time? what was that about?"

"Oh, um, sorry! That was... supposed to be a... prop." The feline scratched her ear sheepishly. "I don't know who put it up there. It's not supposed to be there. We have a cardboard sun for sets, and it should have been there instead. Sorry about that..."

A prop? Well... That was more reasonable, Sans supposed. Still stupid and dangerous, though.

"hey, no hard feelings, right? besides..." The crowd dispersed from around Sans, revealing just him! Standing on both legs! Without any green bandage! "my leg's all better now."

Just to emphasise his point, Sans happily hopped from one leg to another and back again. Papyrus' resulting beam could light up a whole room.

"Okay..." Relieved, the pretty pink feline was about ready to collapse. "That's good..."

Maybe now she won't have to face management.

"What's this about a concrete sun?"

The girl stiffened. Never mind.

As if there weren't already enough characters to focus on, a short, grey monster with a suit and a clipboard stepped into the circle. He looked like a mix of a naked cat and a wombat, with owl-like features present on his face, mostly to do with the eyes. His pointy catlike ears stuck straight up, with the exception of a small curl at the end, and his wings resembled that of a skeleton of a dragon, long, thin and spindly. One might wonder if he could even fly with wings like that. He had fangs that stuck out of his top lip, and a batlike muzzle that twitched on occasion. His bright blue owl eyes took up most of his face, but they were so uncomfortably spread apart that he could almost qualify as a sleep paralysis demon... almost.

The cat girl tried to speak, but all that came out were stutters. She did not want to face the music. Not like this!

Unfortunately for her, teens have absolutely no filter.

"Uh oh, you're in trouble~" Snowdrake taunted, blowing a raspberry. How mature.

The cat looked up at Papyrus, who only gave her a stern glare. Yeah, no! She's not dealing with this! Run! Run! Spritz spritz! The heck? Ew! Offended, the kitty turned around, only to find the small skeleton holding a water gun. Doesn't he know that cats hate being wet? Of course he does. That's why he did it, after all... He looked like he's willing to chase her with the thing if she didn't speak now. Oh dear... Well. Here goes nothing. Swallowing her fears, she finally spoke.

"The concrete sun... fell on this man's leg... and broke it. I cut the rope... by accident. Sorry."

"Egads!" The manager tutted. "This could potentially become a lawsuit! Where is the man?"

Everyone else pointed to Sans, who gave a sheepish wave. "hey."

The manager waddled towards Sans and looked him square in the eye. They were the same height.

"You are Sans the skeleton, right? The new comedian?" Sans gave a single nod. "Well, I do have to apologise for the trouble. It's a good thing you had healing magic on hand, otherwise it would have been an absolute disaster for everyone involved. To compensate for the damages, Willowbirch Oakley, will offer you 2500 G on behalf of the apartment."

"oh... well, you don't have t-"

Papyrus covered his mouth. "WOWIE, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! WE REALLY APPRECIATE THE COMPENSATION!!! DON'T WE, BROTHER?"

If Papyrus had the heart, which he literally doesn't have, he would've tried to ask for more, since this was his brother and everything. But he supposed this would do. Sans had problems accepting this, anyway, for some reason. Although Papyrus was certain that if the roles were reversed, Sans would have asked for more too on behalf of his brother.

"uh... okay. thanks, willow oak... birch?"

"Willowbirch."

"willowbirch."

"Well, all's well that ends well! Now, if you excuse me, I need to write up my employee."

She stiffened again. No. No no no no No No NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-

"-NO NO NO I QUIT!!!"

Smash!!! And there she goes.

Silence echoes through the room. Who knows what the people inside were thinking... Well, at least one was willing to answer that question.

"Is it bad if I said I hate her? Ha ha... That's not funny."

"Shut up, dad..."

Despite, well... everything... Papyrus felt satisfied with how this case turned out. He puffed his chest and placed his hands on his hips, with a wide smile on his face.

"WELL THEN! CASE CLOSED! GOD, THIS OUTFIT'S HOT."

Willowbirch frowned. "Please give that back. That's theatre property."

"GLADLY."

--------

Ah, did it feel good to be outside again! Sans never felt so good in such a hot place. He'd been inside that resort for far too long.

The place was pretty dark, and it was even moreso at night. Yeah. It's about time to go home, anyway. Papyrus'll get cranky without his bedtime story. Speaking of Papyrus, he seemed a little nervous about something. As if something was almost... going to hunt him? Huh. He REALLY didn't like Hotland.

"hey, bro."

"YES, SANS?"

"thanks... for everything you've done for me today."

Papyrus didn't feel like he needed a thank you, but... A warm feeling made its place in his chest regardless.

"WHY, OF COURSE! WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITHOUT AN AMAZING BROTHER LIKE ME?"

Oh, dear, the warm feeling's contagious.

"i have no idea, bro."

"U-Um, Sans! Hey!" That and a tap on the shoulder grabbed Sans' attention. Alphys was fidgeting with her hands, avoiding eye contact, like she normally does.

"sup, al?"

"W-Well, um... I was just wondering, do you remember my, uh, project?"

Oh, yeah. Back when they first met, Alphys was getting materials for it. It was just yesterday, but it felt so long ago. But not too long ago, just a couple of weeks at most.

"yeah."

"W-Well... I know you're busy with yours, but... If you wanted to... You can come to my house and we can work on it together."

Sans scanned Alphys' face, if only to see if she was actually serious. Him? And her? Working together? Like work colleagues?!

Like a real scientist?

"wow, heh. yeah! of course i wanna help you, alphys, just text me the time and place, and i'll be there."

The look on her face... Sans couldn't put into words the amount of joy she was radiating off of her. Things were definitely looking up now. The little skeleton was surprised to learn how many people actually care about him. Papyrus was a given, of course, but Alphys? The drakes? Heck, even Bun stuck around for him! Maybe... Maybe he could be happy here...

His thoughts were interrupted by a certain brother wrapping his arms around both him and Alphys, effectively inserting himself into their conversation.

"OH, TO HAVE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU!!! HOW WONDERFUL!!!"

Sans giggled at the show of affection. Being surrounded by people who care about you? Hugs? What could be better?!

Alphys didn't seem to agree, though. "Errrrr..."

"NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

Oh, Alphys. Just go with it.

Chapter Text

White.

It's all Sans could see.

If it weren't for the hustle and bustle around him, Sans would assume he's dead.

And even then, the hustle and bustle felt so far away, like it's being blocked out by something.

Yup. He's dead.

What did he die from? Who knows? Sans just assumed he's dead.

Welp. Rest in peace.

"SO I'VE BEEN READING, AND-"

Never mind, he's not dead.

"-I FOUND OUT THAT GYFTMAS HAS VERY DIFFERENT ORIGINS TO CHRISTMAS! IT'S NOT ABOUT THE BIRTH OF CHRIST AT ALL! IT'S ABOUT..."

He tried to focus. He really did. But...

Snow.

It's all Sans could see.

It fell so gracefully, so beautifully. If there's anything Papyrus taught him, it's that there's beauty in everything.

He wondered how monsters with skin could handle so much snow. So much cold. The antlered girl and her big sis. The rabbits, the bears... The rocks are fine, right? They don't have skin. Can they get cold?

Sans would ask, but...

He raised his hand. It's just a vague silhouette. Nothing else.

He didn't think Snowdin was capable of having this much snow. Well, it's called Snowdin for a reason.

Sans closed his eyes, letting everything just wash over him.

"...PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE..."

"...for Gyftmas, sis?"

"I want a..."

It's hard to focus on anything.

But if he tried hard enough, then maybe Sans could hear a...

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

The crunch of footsteps in freshly laid snow. It's so relaxing...

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

Sans opened his eyes. He could just about see someone through the snow. Someone tall, and wide...

"OH MY GOD!!!!"

And wearing a red suit.

"IT'S SANTA!!!!"

He's bent over. Handing off presents to the little ones. Even in this cold. Whoever's behind the suit is a miracle among monsters.

"Thanks, Santa!"

Going around the tree...

"Wow!"

Handing off presents...

"Sis! Look! It's Santa!"

Even Papyrus got one.

"OH MY GOD!! WHAT IS THIS? SOME SORT OF SEXY ROBOT FIGURE? WOWIE!!!"

He's in Sans' good books.

They make eye contact.

Eye contact hurts, but for some reason, Sans can't look away.

The bearded man... He looks... familiar somehow. Definitely the monster's Santa. A kind smile. Mismatched eyes.

Sans tried to mirror his kind smile.

As if it was even possible, this guy's demeanour softened significantly. He then reached into his sack. Automatically, Sans offered his hands.

He placed a pair of socks in his hands.

This... This was...

They weren't much. Just a pair of white socks. But they were soft, and made of a sweet-smelling cotton. There was no roughness whatsoever.

This guy...

Sans held the socks up to his chest and closed his eyes briefly, before he looked up at this "Santa" figure again.

All he did was smile. A kind of... fatherly smile.

Sans' eyelights expanded. He blinked slowly.

"Santa" gave him a pat on the head, which made Sans' eyes shut. This was nice. Inviting.

When he opened his eyes, he was already onto the next person.

This stranger... Did he really just give a gift to someone like him? Even though he didn't really know him?

How kind...

And still. All he could hear at the end was his brother.

"OH MY GOD!!! IT'S SO ARTICULATED, LIKE REAL ROBOTS!! HEY, SANS, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU THINK WOULD WANT TO KISS THIS ROBOT?"

Sans didn't answer. He couldn't focus. All he could focus on was his socks.

"SANS?"

This was a surreal holiday.

Chapter Text

There's nothing like waking up on a Thursday in the New Year at 2 in the afternoon, not getting dressed and spending the entire day on the couch watching TV, surrounded by pillows, blankets, and snacks to enjoy.

And a Mew Mew plushie doll.

What? Isn't this supposed to be about Sans? Nope, it's Alphys!

After working all night on her project (actually, it's more like procrastinating and getting distracted by Mew Mew merch on her phone), Alphys deserved a break. And what better break than her favourite movie, Mew Mew Kissy Cutie?! The first film, of course. The second one sucks.

Maybe she'll even binge the series after-

Knock knock knock!

"AAEEE!!!"

Alphys' shriek rang through the apartment. A visitor?! Who would visit HER?! Unless it's... Oh, no.

Knock knock knock!

She forgot.

Knock knock knock!

No nonono no no no! What is she gonna say to him?!

Knockity knock knock...

Alphys paced up and down her living room, biting her fingernails. Is he angry at her?

Knock knockknock knock knock! Knock!

Oh gosh he's knocking so much. What is she gonna say? What is she gonna do?!

Loooowwwww knoooooocks.

She has to answer the door.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh knoooooocks!!!

Come on, Alphys. Just. Answer. The. Door.

Rhythmic knocking.

ANSWER THE DOOR!!!

The knocks sound almost melodic.

Okay. On three. Three...

Two...

One!

Alphys opened the door, and immediately she almost got hit with a skeletal fist. It's a good thing he pulled it away before it could hit her, but it still made her flinch!

"Eep!"

"whoa, whoa." The skeletal guest chuckled sheepishly. "my bad. heh."

"N-No, it's fine!" Alphys returned his sheepish chuckle, except hers sounded like she was on the verge of a panic attack. And she was. Clearly.

Just one look at the popcorn bucket Sans brought (it came up to his waistline... how?), and Alphys finally broke.

"Oh my god, I completely forgot about our hang out!"

Sans was taken back by Alphys frantic tip-tapping and spinning around, but at the same time, it felt familiar to him.

"al-"

"I'm still in my pajamas! My apartment is a mess!"

Sans raised his hands to try to quell her. "alphys-

"I'm such a bad friend! How could I have forgotten about our-"

"alphys!"

Alphys stopped and tried not to hyperventilate in Sans' face. Oh god no... This was a terrible start to the day...

Sans took a breath and maintained his composure. "buddy, it's fine. i get it, really. we could all use a lazy day from time to time, am i right?"

Alphys finally released the tension from her shoulders. "Yeah... Sorry."

"fuhgeddaboudit. it's no skin off my nose."

Sans was pleased to see the small smirk on Alphys' face as she shook her head. Even an eye roll is an improvement over complete panic, so Sans deemed his joke a success.

"What are you like?"

"heh heh. so," Sans tapped in curiously. "what're you plannin'?"

"Oh, u-uh... Stuff..." Quick, think of something cool, think of something cool! "I was g-gonna do, uh... science experiments!"

Sans' deadpan look told Alphys everything she needed to know.

"Um... With explosions?"

Oh god, he raised a bone brow.

She gave in. "Fine, I was going to watch anime all day."

"so, you're a weeb?"

HISSSSSS!

"hey, that's cool. i've never seen anime before, anyway, so who am i to judge you when i haven't seen it?"

"You've... never seen... anime before?"

Sans closed his eyes and shrugged. Oh. Delta. It was like something switched inside her brain, because all of a sudden, Alphys. went. off!

"Oh my god, you haven't seen anime! Oh my gosh, I have so much to show you, I'm just watching this movie called Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, have you heard of it?"

Sans attempted to speak, but he was immediately cut off.

"Of course you might not have! That means I get to show you, come in, come in!"

Before Sans could even try to process what he was hearing, Alphys grabbed his free arm and yanked him into the apartment.

Honestly? Sans didn't understand why she was panicking so much. His own room looked much worse than her apartment. Then again, his room was filled with paperwork and chisp packets from his- Oh, and she's still going!

"So it's about this magical cat girl called Mew Mew who can mind control people when she kisses them, and they do pretty much anything for her, but-"

"alphys, wow! heh heh, okay!"

"-ends get upset about it, BUT IF SHE MISSES THE KISS, SHE- Ha ha... Ha ha... yeah..."

Everything is awkward! Hooray! Luckily, it didn't stay awkward for long.

Sans' smile broke into a more genuine one. "welp, if you like it so much, then i have to give it a try, right?"

The pure joy on Alphys' face was something Sans is never going to forget. And he betted to himself that if he genuinely does end up enjoying her favourite anime, that joy is only going to increase from here on out. To Sans, there's nothing better than making his friends smile. And that's how they got to this point!

"O-Okay... Let's begin..."

--------

One movie and two episodes later, Sans noticed that Alphys kept alternating her gaze between the screen and Sans' expression. While his facial expression didn't change much, he made a bit more effort to display his likeness for the show. After all, he IS genuinely enjoying it, even though it's a little strange. But hey! Strange doesn't equal bad! And it was definitely good! Why doesn't this show up on cable? Maybe then he would watch TV more instead of- never mind.

The only downside to this was that Sans had to bite back a lot of comments. When he watches movies with his brother, he enjoys really tearing into the films, pointing out all the logical inconsistencies and dumb things the characters do. It's a blast! Unfortunately, he wasn't sure if it would go over well with Alphys, especially since she had nothing but praise for the show. Maybe he'll be more open when they become closer friends later down the line. But for now, he has to hold his metaphorical tongue.

The apartment was dark. Calm. Peaceful. A perfect time to open up to each other.

"Hey, Sans?"

"hm?"

"Can I talk to you about something?"

"i'm all auditory ossicles, buddy."

Alphys rolled her eyes and pushed Sans with a smirk. Sans laughed into the side of the sofa before Alphys got serious again.

"You, um, know about my project?"

"yup. so, do i get to help with that at all?"

Oh, right. He did offer to help her. Or was it the other way around. Either way, Alphys knew that Sans wanted to help. But... She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve a friend like him. She's nowhere near as good as he, or the king, thinks she is. And once Sans sees that, then... She doesn't want to lose her friend. He's the only friend she has that's just as nerdy as her, after all. Catty and Bratty are great company, but... Sans is very... different from them. He's someone who she can relax with, someone she can nerd out with. What if he doesn't think her project is cool? What if she loses him? Is she being silly? Is she being irrational? Is Sans going to truly accept her for who she is if he-

"alphys? you, uh, you okay there?"

Alphys snapped to attention. "O-Oh, uh... I t-think I'm good for now, th-thanks."

"alright, then..." Oh no, oh jeez that look. What is he thinking? She knows he can see through her lies, oh no... "say, uh... could you at least tell me who, uh... inspired you to make this project?"

"M-My inspiration?" Well... That is a lot easier to talk about, at least. Why is he so easy to talk to? "Well... you know, um, King Asgore?"

King Asgore? Huh. That's a name Sans hasn't heard in years. It seemed like everyone in the underground knew this guy. Sans briefly wondered what he was really like.

"i've heard of him."

That expression on Alphys' face, Sans noted. That's a... strange expression to have when you're talking about someone. Were they close?

"W-Well, I, um, haha... I was inspired to even start the project because... Well, he's... he's kind of like my idol."

Avoiding eye contact... Blushing... Twiddling her thumbs... Oh.

Sans' smile shifted into a mischievous smirk. "i see... are you sure he's not MORE than just an idol?"

As her face exploded, Sans wondered if her neck had whiplash from how quickly she turned. "SANS!"

"aw, what's the matter, lovebug? got something more you wanna add?"

"Sans, yOU-"

He sprawled across the sofa, his head on her lap. "got a secret you wanna share?"

"CuT iT oUt!" Alphys' blush was so intense she might have to try hibernation for the rest of the new year. Gosh. It only just started, too, and she's already ready to crawl into a pit and perish from the embarrassment! Golly! That's a new record! Well done, Alphys!

"come on, it's pretty obvious." And he just kept teasing. "someone's got a cru-"

BAP!

All Sans could do was laugh. "okay, okay, i get it!"

With an embarrassed huff, Alphys gently pushed the giggling skeleton off her lap and into the back of the sofa. His laughter did not let up one bit.

"W-Well... Don't tell me you've never had a crush."

The laughter ubruptly stopped. "i... never had a crush."

Oh.

Awkward.

"Really? Not even as a kid? No celebrity crushes?"

"i had, uh, idols? i wouldn't call 'em crushes, though. i dunno, what's it like?"

Alphys' blush coated her entire face. Oh no, she REALLY had to change the subject before this got too awkward and embarrassing.

"U-Uh... Don't... worry about it. S-So, um..." Change the subject, change the subject, change the subject NOW. "So, uh... Your b-brother..."

There it was. The shift from confusion and curiosity to excitement and admiration. Papyrus is the subject of this conversation now? Oh hell yeah!

"what do you wanna know about 'im?"

"Uhh... What's he like?"

"you met him, alphys. he's cool, ain't he?"

"Uhh... I m-mean, uh... As a... kid?"

As a kid? Now, that caught Sans off guard. He didn't want to dwell on his memories so much, but... well... Why not indulge this one time?

"well, he was... he was great." The skeleton turned away, his hands in his lap, lost in thought. "very enthusiastic... adventurous... he was always up for anything."

Back when they were kids... the world seemed so big. And while Sans had this sort of natural curiosity about the world, it was Papyrus' adventurous spirit that truly made their childhood special. If only he could go back and experience those days again. The days where they would just hang out in the woods and discover new places and solve mysteries. The days where they would go to new towns and cities and meet new people and learn and travel and... Sans swore he still has the photo album. Somewhere.

Life was simple back then. Just Sans and Papyrus, against the world. Their world.

A pair of yellow hands clapped in front of his face.

"Sans?"

"hrk-!" Eyeballs practically bulged out of Sans' eye sockets. Huh. He really is Papyrus' brother. That didn't really help Alphys' concern, though.

"Are... Are you alright?"

...

"oh, yeah, i'm- i'm fine, nothing to worry about, heh heh heh." Oh no, his voice was too high pitched, what are you doing with your hands, put them in your pockets now god, Sans you're a terrible liar.

Judging by that look on Alphys' face, she definitely agrees. She can see right through him, so... Why isn't she saying anything? What is she doing? Turning back to the screen... Clearing her throat... Sheesh, this is weird... Maybe if he was more convincing, maybe if he was just a better... A better what?

"So, um..." Just say it. "This is actually one of my favourite episodes."

Oh. Sans didn't expect that. He turned back to the screen in slight relief.

"It's an adaptation of the dating simulation, "Mew Mew Kissy Cutie", and in the foURTH CHAPTER EVERYONE GOES TO THE BEACH AND SHE BUYS ICE CREAM FOR ALL HER FRIENDS BUT IT'S SNAIL FLAVOR AND SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS IT IT'S ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE PART OF THE GAME BECAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY IMPORTANT LESSON ABOUT FRiendship... and..."

The Sans Smugness™ has returned with a vengeance. Oh no.

"jee, alphys. if i didn't know any better, i would've said you're obsessed with this."

"Pfft- no! Cut it out, you rascal!"

"like wow. i bet you have a whole closet full of mew mew merch."

"That's not true!" Alphys huffed, before turning away with a confident smirk. "I have a whole ROOM, thank you very much."

They laughed together. In that moment, all the previous tension just... faded away, like clouds parting in the inaccessible sky to reveal beautiful stars.

Eventually, their laughter left, but the mood didn't.

"heh, whoo. you're a bit of a weeb, ain'tcha?"

Usually, a comment like this would send Alphys spiralling in a vortex of anxiety. But this time, it just gave her a sense of comfort. "I suppose I am... But honestly, I just like it because... Well..." She rubbed her arm and took a breath, in anticipation of saying the next sentence. "It taught me a lot about socialising, and... I know it's always gonna be there for me. Life is full of overwhelm and doubt, but this... This is like a comfort for me."

"a comfort, hmm?"

"Yeah. A comfort."

A beat.

"I've... n-never really been good at socialising. All my life, it's like e-everyone was born with this instruction manual on how to socialise properly... except me. So, um, Mew Mew is kind of like my instruction manual, in a way. D-Does that... make sense?"

Sans' body came to a standstill. His mind, however, was as fast as ever. This was strange. It's like talking to a mirror in a way. He too wished he had an instruction manual for this sort of thing. Sure, he was good at talking and reading people NOW, but as a kid... He didn't think having to train himself to read facial expressions down to a T was normal. Because it's not normal, is it? Normal people don't have to do that, at least as far as Sans is concerned. Sans had to just figure it out on his own. And even then, there's always this nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he's doing it all wrong. It's a feeling he was never able to shake, even to this day.

"yeah. i get where you're coming from, al." A supportive smile etched its way onto his face. "we're not so different, you and i."

Alphys looked at him with a blank expression. "That was a corny line."

"it's true, ain't it?"

"Yes, it's true, but still corny!"

Ah, the teasing. It never gets old.

Four episodes later...

Sans, while he liked the show, was starting to get bored. His eyes absentmindedly wandered away from the screen and eventually landed on the pile of parts and blueprints over on one of the desks.

Oh yeah! Wasn't he supposed to help her? Welp, might as well ask her.

"say, al, how's your project goin'?"

Alphys' face stiffened. He probably shouldn't have said anything. But before Sans could retract his question, Alphys stuttered out a response.

"I-I'm gonna be real here... He expected it to be done sooner rather than later, but... I don't know. I'm just procrastinating, I guess."

"He", huh? Must be Asgore. Maybe he'll be lenient towards her. After all, from what he heard, he's a very kind king.

Alphys sighed. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't procrastinate like this..."

Uh oh, his friend's feeling bad! His friend's feeling bad! Red alert! Red alert! Engage reassurance protocol!

"hey, don't sweat it, palphys." Alphys gave him a glare at the nickname. Sans winked and shrugged in response. "i ain't judging you for procrastinating. after all..." He pointed to himself like a proud winner. "i'm a master procrastinator."

Alphys blinked. She could believe that, but Sans thought she might need a little more convincing.

"look. i'm such a master procrastinator i procrastinated cleaning my room until my brother did it for me. i'm such a master procrastinator i still haven't picked up a single sock from the living room."

Alphys bit back a laugh. That gesture only encouraged Sans more.

"i'm such a master procrastinator i took weeks to even finish my own calculations for my project. i'm such a master procrastinator that i even procrastinate my hobbies."

And now she's laughing! Success!

"heck, i've been a master procrastinator since i was a baby bones. i procrastinated a TON of school projects. homeworks, group assignments... heck, i even procrastinated speech! i'm such a master procrastinator i didn't finish my first sentence until i was six years old!"

It appeared that only one nerd was allowed to laugh at a time, because as soon as Sans started laughing, Alphys stopped. And she only had one thought on her mind.

"That's not normal..."

"yup. just goes to show how much of a master procrastinator i am."

That's not it, but the two nerds laughed anyway. Mirth filled the entire room. It only stopped when Sans wrapped an arm around Alphys' shoulders.

Touching! Too much touching!

"see, alphys, you're n-"

Sans must have sensed the tension in her shoulders, because he released her just as quickly as he grabbed her. What a relief.

"see, alphys, you're not alone in this, alright? heck, if anyone's gonna understand, it's me. don't beat yourself up about it, alright? you'll get it done. i know you will."

A warm smile etched itself onto Alphys' face. "Ha... Thanks, Sans."

Sans couldn't help but return the smile. What are friends for, after all?

Alphys had a hard time with this project. All these thoughts, constantly running through her mind, chipping away at her. What if he doesn't like his new body? What if Asgore doesn't like it? Will she get found out? How long can she keep Sans as a friend? She took solace in the idea that ONE of those questions could be answered. From what she knows of Sans so far, his friendship is basically like glitter. It sparkles and it's hard to get rid of. Oh, and it's annoying sometimes. But while she finds glitter undesirable, her friendship with Sans is definitely, absolutely desirable. And necessary. He must be really serious about this friendship thing if he didn't run away when her flaws were displayed. At least Alphys knows he's not going to run away from her. For now, at least.

Sans realised that he and Alphys had a lot more in common than he initially expected. They're both science nerds, they stand out from the crowd in their own unique ways, they both have projects they're currently procrastinating on... Eh. What's the rush, anyway? This world was fine. It has been fine for years. It's not home, but it's good. It has good friends, at least. That's all Sans could ever really ask for.

It would be better with him, though.

Chapter Text

Papyrus was a lot of things. Great, cool, amazing, intelligent, funny, bold, clever, witty. And after this video goes up, he can add popular to that list of positive adjectives that describe him. He's been keeping up with the trends! He knows what the people like! And it doesn't involve drinking bleach this time!

And all he needed to make this video perfect was the company of his dear brother.

"SANS!!! SANS!!!" Papyrus called out, practically leaping off the stairs. "SANS, I HAVE AN AMAZING IDEA FOR A VIDEO, AND I PROMISE, IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ANYTHING DANGEROUS!!! OH, YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT, THESE PEOPLE ARE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND-"

"that's nice, bro."

Papyrus slowed down to see what Sans was actually doing. Putting on actual sneakers? Tying his shoelaces? Getting his phalanges stuck in the laces? Struggling to untie them, which ironically tangled them up even more? What was he up to?

"SANS, AREN'T YOU GOING TO...?"

"sorry, bro. i got work. those hotdogs aren't gonna sell themselves. and besides, we got bills to pay."

"SANS, DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE MONEY WE GOT FROM THAT RESORT?"

"yeah, and we spent it. we gotta get some more, y'know? otherwise we won't have electricity."

Progress on untangling Sans' phalanges from his shoelaces was slow, but he's getting the job done.

Sans hates shoelaces.

"OH, WELL... I APPLAUD YOUR WORK ETHIC, BROTHER!" Disappointed? Papyrus wasn't disappointed! He was proud! Yeah, totally!

But he couldn't deny that Sans was right. They did have bills to pay. The video can wait.

Sans finally managed to get his phalanges unstuck. "thanks, bro. see ya after work. love you."

"I LOVE YOU TOO!"

And just like that, Sans was gone.

Oh, well...

--------

The next day, Papyrus set up one of his (and Sans') favourite video games: Super Monster Brawl! It's been a while since he hung out with his brother! Surely, this would be the perfect time to do so!

"HEY, SANS! I BET I COULD TOTALLY BEAT YOU IN SUPER MONSTER BRAWL! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE A STRATEGY THAT COULD... BLOW YOU AWAY?" He snickered to himself at the pun. Especially since his selected character was an air elemental. His favourite.

Unfortunately, Sans didn't look as receptive.

"yeah, sorry, bro. i have a gig tonight."

"O-OH." Papyrus initially deflated, but then he had an idea that perked him up again. "WELL, HOW ABOUT I COME WITH YOU?! I'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR AWFUL JOKES IN ACTION."

"bro, as much as i would like you to be there, do you have a reservation?"

And Papyrus' smile was gone. That said enough.

Sans sighed. "sorry... i'll get alphys to record it for you, alright?"

Papyrus deflated almost instantly. "OKAY... J-JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GET CRUSHED BY A CONCRETE SUN!"

Sans laughed. "okay, i won't. love you, bro."

"LOVE YOU..."

The door closed. Once again, Papyrus was alone. Darn.

"WELL... LOOKS LIKE I'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL SANS COMES BACK!"

And thus, Papyrus played. Over and over. Round after round. Until midnight struck.

Click!

Papyrus whipped his head around, and his face lit up when he saw who came through the door.

"SANS! WELCOME HOME! HOW WAS YOUR SHOW? DO YOU WANT TO PLAY NOW?"

Sans didn't respond. Instead, he wobbled over to the sofa, his eyes drooped shut... and promptly collapsed. His snores reverberated through the living room.

For what felt like the millionth time, Papyrus deflated. Of course he was tired. Who wouldn't be when you work so much? And, of course, Papyrus was the one who had to take Sans to bed. Where would Sans be without him, hm?

Cradling his sleepy brother like a young child, Papyrus climbed the stairs and placed Sans in his crusty mattress. He really needed a proper bed, he thought. And a good clean, by the looks of things.

Looking down at Sans' sleeping figure, the taller couldn't help but feel... disappointed. It's like he never had time for him anymore. No games, no videos, no...

"...HMPH. YOU DIDN'T EVEN READ ME A BEDTIME STORY." Yet another thing Papyrus missed out on. "GOOD NIGHT, SANS."

And with that, he left.

Is Sans always going to work himself to the bone like this? Does he even have time for him anymore? What is a brother to do?

--------

A new day, a new opportunity to hang out with...

Papyrus bounded out the front door, his mind full of ideas. They could build snow castles! Or explore the woods and find something new! Or maybe...

Or maybe they could check the bills in the mailbox?

Seemed like Sans already had a head start on that.

Not the most fun thing in the world, according to Sans' body language. Papyrus' face fell as he observed his brother, who leaned against his mailbox only to bounce his knee rapidly. Now, Papyrus wouldn't necessarily call himself the best when it comes to reading expressions, shockingly enough, but he knows his brother. The way his eyes darted around, the tightness of his grip while he read the paper, his strained smile that tried way too hard to look nonchalant... Seemed like they were having money problems again.

Papyrus bit down on his scarf. It definitely needs another repair soon, but that's besides the point. For once, Papyrus felt that... there was something wrong. Seriously wrong. This arrangement wasn't working for either of them. As it was, Papyrus isn't doing anything except fail to find jobs and drift around haplessly seeking out friendship, all the while Sans had taken on multiple jobs just to make ends meet.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't good.

For once, Papyrus felt... useless. And that just won't do! The Great Papyrus is always useful! He can prove it! He just has to... has to...

What can he do?

Tap tap tap tap tap...

What job does Sans have today?

...

His hot dog stand. He always sets up his hotdog stand on Tuesdays.

His scarf fell out of his mouth as he smiled. An idea struck. A great idea, actually! A marvellous idea! An idea that would benefit both brothers!

--------

This job was pretty boring, Sans thought. It's always the same. Make hotdogs, sell hotdogs, maybe throw in a couple of jokes here and there, but most of the time, it's mostly the same boring questions. "Small, medium or large?" "Ketchup or mustard?" "How was your day?" Just thinking about having to ask those questions again made Sans want to bang his head on the crate.

So he did.

"uuuugggh."

Crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch...

Another customer, huh? Welp. Time to get his customer service face on.

Sans looked up at the would-be customer, ready to greet, only to stop short when he realised who he was about to greet.

His face brightened significantly. "hey, bro. i didn't take you for the hot dog type. i thought you hated greasy foods."

"NO!" A facepalm. "I MEAN, I DO! BUT I WAS JUST THINKING... YOU'VE BEEN PROVIDING FOR BOTH OF US AND I THOUGHT..."

Sans blinked, patiently waiting for Papyrus to finish. Spotting this, Papyrus steeled his resolve.

"I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU, SANS!"

Sans blinked again, absolutely dumbfounded. Papyrus? Working at a HOTDOG stand? Why?

"uhh, really?"

"YES, REALLY!" This was the most effort put into Papyrus' cheerful persona Sans had ever seen. Is he okay? "I JUST FIGURED, YOU'VE BEEN WORKING HARD AND I DON'T HAVE A JOB AT THE MOMENT."

Not for lack of trying, of course. For some reason, people kept rejecting his job applications. What's wrong with a resume underlining his best qualities in his own font? It's practically Papyrus!

Oh, why does Sans look so unsure? That didn't look like the face of a monster who was on board with letting his brother work alongside him!

Papyrus stepped around the crate and sat at Sans' side as his eyes softened. If spending years and years with Sans had taught him anything, it's that being gentle and kind was the best way to convince him to do anything. Except pick up his sock. Or do any chores really. But at this point, Papyrus no longer blamed him.

"IT COULD ALSO BE NICE TO, YOU KNOW... SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER, BROTHER! YOU'VE SPENT A LOT OF TIME OUT OF THE HOUSE AND WELL... YOU COULD USE A HELPING HAND FROM SOMEONE YOU TRUST, RIGHT?"

Well, he does trust Papyrus... But that's not the thing that tipped Sans over. He studied Papyrus' expression, catching glimpses of kindness, eagerness, anticipation... and a bit of sadness. Sans knew what that meant.

Papyrus was lonely.

Oh god... He's been an awful brother, hasn't he? All Papyrus wants to do is spend time with him, and he was... He acted like HIM. Sans never wanted to act like him. Not in a million years.

He has to turn this around.

"well, if you want to." Sans sat back and lounged, trying to come off as nonchalant. "but i gotta warn ya, it's very greasy work."

"W-WELL... I CAN HANDLE IT!!! DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ME, BROTHER!!!"

"heh heh. never in a million years, bro."

"YEAH, RIGHT!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!! THANK YOU, BROTHER!!! NOW WE CAN WORK TOGETHER!!! THE DREAM TEAM, YOU AND ME!!! TOGETHER!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

"yup. together."

And together they worked. And they were making great progress together! At least, Papyrus thought so! He didn't understand why some customers were put off by his sales pitch.

"WEINER DOGS!!! COME AND GET YOUR WEINER DOGS!!! YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH YOUR WEINER DOGS!!! CHOMP THEM, SUCK THEM, DO ARTS AND CRAFTS WITH THEM!!!"

And then when they actually DID get customers...

"say, whaddya want?"

"I'd like a-"

"PUZZLE DOG?"

...

"What's a puzzle dog?"

"I CARVED IT INTO A PUZZLE!!!"

"Wow... How much?"

"20g."

"O... kay."

Who wants to solve a puzzle dog? Well, at least the customer brought it.

With an hour left of the shift, the brothers quickly grew bored. Well... what better way to pass the time than messing with your brother?

SLAP!

"WHAT THE? HEY!!!"

"what?"

"DID YOU JUST HIT ME WITH A HOT DOG?"

"no..."

Sure. Papyrus could clearly see the water sausage behind Sans' back. But instead of pointing that out, he decided to make it fair.

SLAP!

"eep! oh, you're on."

The resulting war was legendary. Well, as legendary as slapping your brother's face with a hot dog could get.

Okay, maybe it wasn't that legendary.

Their mediocre sausage battle was, however, quickly interrupted by none other than... Uh oh.

The fuzz... y puppy Royal Guard.

Lesser Dog was patrolling, of course, because why wouldn't she be?! She's a Royal Guard! But the presence of what is supposedly the law around here reminded Papyrus of one very crucial thing about Sans' hotdog stand.

It's illegal.

It's barely even a hotdog stand! It's just a box and some water sausages!!! But he's still technically running a stand without a permit...

And now, by selling hotdogs with him, Papyrus is, too, breaking the law!

And the thought of that made Papyrus PANIC.

"OHH DOG. OHH NO. SANS? SANS!!! WHAT DO WE DO?!"

Sans, who remained as calm as ever, gently put a hand up to placate him.

"relax, bro. lesser ain't exactly the smartest cookie in the box. i'm sure she wouldn't even notice."

...

She noticed.

And now she's bounding over.

Why is Sans so calm about this?

"SANS, WHAT DO WE DO?!"

"relax, bro. i got this." The nonchalant skeleton brother pulled out what looked like a battered up tennis ball. Oh. So that's how he evaded the Royal Guards. Balls.

Doing this job must have taken a lot of balls.

Sans raised the ball up high so Lesser could see it. And unsurprisingly, she immediately spotted it!

"hey, lesser! fetch!" And there it went, straight into the bush! And subsequently, there SHE went too. Sans' hotdog stand was safe. And Papyrus could finally let out that breath he didn't realise he was holding. Where was the air stored anyway?

"PHEW... QUICK THINKING."

"yeah, guard dogs are easily distracted, especially when they're not particularly well-trained."

"THAT... MAKES A LOT OF SENSE."

As Papyrus looked back on what just happened, including the sheer terror he felt when the guard discovered Sans' stand, he realised one thing: He was not cut out for this. Sans only got away with it because of his wit, but Papyrus... While he was witty, of course, he also felt... really bad. Avoiding the Royal Guard, who were definitely popular and cool, felt like an absolute betrayal. Especially since... since...

They were really cool! Not as cool as Papyrus is, of course, but... Royal Guards must be popular, right? They protect monsters and make a lot of friends, not to mention, they're super tough, just like him!

Sans must have caught him staring at the bush Lesser dived into, because he suddenly spoke up.

"hey. you good?"

Papyrus hesitated for a moment. Would it hurt Sans if he told him the truth? Or worse... disappoint him?

No. No, Sans would understand. They're brothers! Papyrus can always be honest with him!

"SANS..."

"hm?"

"IT'S BEEN GREAT, HANGING OUT WITH YOU AGAIN. AND THIS WAS A LOT OF FUN."

"really?"

"REALLY!" Papyrus smiled. "IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE DID SOMETHING TOGETHER, YOU KNOW?"

Sans deflated. "yeah... sorry about that."

No no, pick it back up, pick it back up! "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, SANS! IF ANYTHING, I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A REAL JOB BY NOW..."

"it's okay, bro. i know you're struggling. you'll find one, and then you'll be the backbone of the house again."

Cue the facepalm. "OH MY GOD, SANS!!!"

Cue the laughter.

And the dramatics. And the falling over because Papyrus forgot this so-called "chair" didn't have a back.

"OOF!!!"

"aw, c'mon, pap." Sans leaned over him, smugly smiling, because WHY WOULDN'T HE BE?! "is that any way to behave in a professional world?"

"OH, SHUT IT, YOU!!!"

If Papyrus was going down, he might as well bring Sans down with him! A few moments of tussling later, both brothers were on the floor, laughing.

Laughing... Until it finally stopped.

"hey, pap?"

"YEAH?"

"look... i get where you're coming from. it has been a while since we were able to hang out like this. and... i guess i haven't been the most attentive brother... heh."

The taller brother slowly looked over at the shorter one empathetically. He brought a hand out to touch him...

"but... i had an idea." Sans looked towards his brother beside him and smiled. "once you get a job, i can try to find a way to work alongside you. howzaboudit?"

Papyrus' eyes sparkled. "REALLY?"

"yeah. i have a lot of jobs, but... i dunno, maybe i could set my stand up nearby or work in a place near yours. whatever fits. just as long as we're together, right?"

That sounded... excellent, actually! More than excellent! It was... It was...

"NYEHARVELLOUS!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

Sans couldn't help but stifle a chuckle. Seriously? That phrase? It was so silly, yet so appropriate. Ah, he missed his bro.

"THANK GOODNESS YOU SAID THAT, SANS, BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I COULD TAKE THE CRIMINAL LIFE!!!"

Papyrus had no right to be this funny to him. It was criminal in itself.

"yeah, i figured. you tried your best, though. i'm proud of you."

Of course he was proud! Sans will always be proud! But.... Hearing those four little words... It made Papyrus' soul swell in ways he couldn't even describe. But he can't show it! Not in front of his brother! So he acted as cool as he can while he's lying down, putting his hands behind his head and crossing his legs. Huh. It was kinda similar to Sans' pose actually. It was almost like- NO! It was cool! He wasn't mimicking Sans! Sans was mimicking him! He didn't look up to Sans, it was the other way round! Yeah! Sure!

"WELL, OF COURSE YOU ARE!!! AS YOUR INCREDIBLE BROTHER, I AM ALWAYS FINDING WAYS TO IMPRESS YOU!!! IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TRY!!"

"hehehe, if you say so."

It was warm smiles all around from there. This might not be what Papyrus actually wanted, but as long as Sans was close by, he knew he would be okay.

--------

The walk home felt lonely, but at the same time, invigorating. Papyrus had a bounce in his stride and a skip in his step. Normally, Papyrus is very good at keeping track of his surroundings, but right now, he still had Sans' words in the back of his mind. So much so that he almost didn't notice the kid who tripped and fell right in front of him.

"NYEH?!"

"Ah!! Yo, watch out!"

"NYAAAAAHHH!!! OH!!!" The tall skeleton kneeled down to take a better look at the orange, small, armless monster kid sprawled across the snowy ground. He must say, that's not exactly the best place to take a nap. "APOLOGIES, CHILD, I ALMOST DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE!!! LUCKILY, MY NATURAL REFLEXES AND KEEN SENSE OF AWARENESS PREVENTED ME FROM DOING SO!!! NYEH HEH..."

Sheepishly, Papyrus helped the monster kid to their feet. Smiley as ever, they brushed themselves off before looking back up at him.

"Thanks, mister!"

"WHY, OF COURSE!!! LIKE I SAID, IT'S MY KEEN SENSE OF REFLEXES AND NATURAL AWARENESS THAT PREVENTED ME FROM CHILDING... OVER... TRIP. WAIT!!!'

The kid giggled and ran circles around him. Literally. Papyrus couldn't help but squeal and stomp his feet to match their energy! Finally, someone that gets him!

"WOWIE!!! YOU'RE ENERGETIC, AREN'T YOU?! NYEH HEH HEH!!! YOU REMIND ME OF, WELL, ME!!! WHAT DO YOU EVEN DO WITH THAT ENERGY?! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

"Oh!" All of a sudden, the kid tripped over. "Don't tell my parents, but..." Despite not having arms, the resilient child got back up without assistance. Gosh, they were so sprightly! "Sometimes I like to visit Waterfall to see the Royal Guard. They're, like, the coolest monsters ever!"

The Royal Guard! Papyrus' jaw dropped as his eyes sparkled once more. So people DID think they were cool! He knew it!

"I BET THEY ARE!!! ARE THEY, UM... POPULAR?"

"The most popular!" This kid skidded across the snow. "For a good reason too! They beat up bad guys and never lose! They're the heroes of all monsterkind! Especially Undyne!"

"UNDYNE?"

"She's the leader! The Captain of the Royal Guard! She's the one who recruits all the best warriors to fight alongside her! Only the toughest and the coolest get to join!"

The toughest? The coolest? That description sounded familiar... Almost like it's describing... him!

"OH, REALLY? AND SHE ONLY RECRUITS THE TOUGHEST AND COOLEST, AND WHEN THEY BECOME ROYAL GUARDS, THEY GET... POPULAR?"

"Yes! That's how it works!" The kid tripped and fell once again. It seemed to be a normal thing for them. A normal thing that's not going to change any time soon.

But what did change that day was Papyrus' mindset. All his hopes, his dreams, his goals... It seemed like the Royal Guard is the key to all of that. And this "Undyne" was the key to getting into it!

Oh yes... Yes! It's the answer to all of his problems! This kid was not only an adorably energetic klutz, but they're also a miracle messenger sent to set Papyrus on the path to popularity and fame! And... friends.

"SO, THIS UNDYNE..." He started to get dizzy following this kid around. "WHERE DID YOU SAY SHE LIVED?"

"Waterfall! She lives in this big fish house near the dump! You can't miss it! I'd suggest getting there as soon as possible if you wanna meet her! She never stays in one place for too long!"

Much like this kid.

"WOWIE!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH, UHM..."

"You can call me Kid!"

"KID. HOW... CREATIVE! THANK YOU SO MUCH, KID!" And with that, they parted.

Well, then! It's settled! Filled with this new burning desire, Papyrus' joyous stride turned into one of power, of confidence!

"SO, THE ROYAL GUARD IS COOL AND POPULAR LIKE I THOUGHT!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T THINK OF THIS SOONER!! IF BEING A PART OF THE ROYAL MEANS MEANS BEING POPULAR, THEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL BE THE COOLEST ROYAL GUARD EVER!!"

Instead of heading home, Papyrus found a nearby rock and started climbing it.

"LOOK OUT, WORLD!!! FOR STARTING TODAY, I WILL NO LONGER JUST BE PAPYRUS!!! I WILL BE THE GREAT PAPYRUS!!! THE NEWEST MEMBER..."

Placing one foot on top of the rock, Papyrus pointed at the ceiling of the cavern, striking a heroic pose. His tattered scarf flew in the wind, his eyes sparkling with the determination to make a name for himself. For this moment, this one moment, the spotlight was all on him!

"OF THE ROYAL GUARD!!!!"

Chapter Text

If there was one word that can describe Waterfall at all hours of the day, it's dark. And at night, it was even darker.

Papyrus was surprised there were even artificial lights here. They're very hard to spot beneath the waters and the vines, the tall grass, the echo flowers...

The echo flowers were also creepier at night. This place just screamed "creepy". But being the brave skeleton that he is, Papyrus persevered through the shadows. He had to do this. Alone.

Sans is always going to be a big supporter in his life, Papyrus knew that. He was his one consistent supporter, after all. But lately, it felt like he had been leaning on him a bit too much, especially where finances were involved.

Papyrus wasn't blind. He noticed his behaviour recently. How many jobs did he have to work to keep them both stable? How many times did he come back past midnight only to collapse on the couch? He didn't even have the energy to tell him a bedtime story.

Sans had been doing all that, and while their conversation earlier was reassuring, it still didn't dissuade the guilt from Papyrus' mind.

Guilt. It's a weird feeling. And a very unpleasant one at that.

So that's why he's alone tonight, doing this all by himself. He didn't want to lean on Sans any more. He already had enough to deal with. This was his burden to bear. His goals, his hopes and dreams... Sans doesn't have to be there to support him. Not this time.

He had to do this ALONE.

Was he already lost? The monster kid told him that her house is near the dump, but... He couldn't even tell where the dump even is.

His boot sunk into heavy water.

His arm brushed against the side of a trash pile.

Good. He was close.

Just another chapter in Papyrus' tale of glory. Papyrus, the newest member of the Royal Guard. Papyrus, the GREATEST member of the Royal Guard. The Great Papyrus, the newest, toughest, coolest member of the Royal Guard!

Exiting the dump, Papyrus quickly found a quiet, pleasant street that, for a dark place like Waterfall, was surprisingly well-lit at night. Well, lit enough to see where he was going at least. And definitely lit enough to find the house he was looking for.

There it was... Undyne's house.

Papyrus felt so small standing before it. Why? It's not like it was a castle or anything. It's just a strange architecture of a house. Very stylistic, he'll give it that. Ten out of ten Temmies.

He wondered how many sushi rolls that giant fish would make if it were real.

"COME ON, PAPYRUS. NO NEED TO BE INTIMIDATED." The skeleton took a deep breath and steeled himself to build up his confidence, as he should! "REMEMBER, YOU ARE BRAVE, STRONG, AND MOST OF ALL, PERSEVERANT! YOU WILL BE- NO. YOU WILL BE THE GREATEST ROYAL GUARD MEMBER THE UNDERGROUND HAS EVER KNOWN! AND THEN ALL YOUR PROBLEMS WILL BE SOLVED. NOW KNOCK, PAPYRUS. KNOCK."

Puffing out his chest, Papyrus took confident strides towards the front door, took a deep breath, and...

BANG BANG BANG!!!

A very quiet, gentle knock. Perfect.

After about a minute of waiting, the door opened up, almost like a mouth. Okay, this design was VERY stylistic. Bone-us points for the opening fish mouth.

Speaking of fish, Papyrus was face-to-face with a very tired fish lady. Her hair was a disheveled mess, her black sleeping vest top was hanging off once of her shoulders, and she was covered in scars. The most prominent scar, however, was one just over her left eye. Well, right eye from Papyrus' perspective. It was almost creepy to look at, actually. It looked like the eye itself had been sliced in half. The pupil was haphazardly sliced, there were what looked to be stitches in her eyeball, and dust had somehow also accumulated inside of it.

Wow.

She looked AWESOME.

Okay, Papyrus. You've got one shot at this. Be your just-as-awesome self and ASK.

"Why are you h-"

"HELLO!!! MAY I PLEASE BE A ROYAL GUARD!?"

...

SLAM!

What was that? She couldn't have rejected him, surely. Papyrus did everything right, didn't he? Surely it wasn't him! Wait... It wasn't him... Not at all! This... This was...

"OH, I GET IT!! YOU'RE TESTING MY PERSEVERANCE!!! WELL, LUCKILY FOR ME, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM ONE OF THE MOST PATIENT MONSTERS IN THE ENTIRE UNDERGROUND!!! THERE IS NOTHING I CANNOT OUTWAIT!!! YOU'LL SEE, I'LL BE A ROYAL GUARD YET!!! I'LL JUST WAIT HERE UNTIL YOU COME BACK OUT AGAIN!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

With that, Papyrus remained there, hands folded over each other and a big smile on his place, not unlike a dog waiting for their master come home. Surely, she will be out in just a few minutes! Then he can be a Royal Guard and get popular, AND support Sans at the same time! It's the perfect plan!

A few minutes turned into an hour. Papyrus wondered what she was doing in there. Perhaps she's setting up something for him. That would make sense, right? Yeah! Who wouldn't set up something cool and awesome to test The Great Papyrus at the stroke of midnight? It was too good not to do!

One hour turned into two hours. Papyrus wasn't going to be deterred by anything. Not even a rustling in the bush. Although the squeaky "hOI!" admittedly gave him a bit of a fright. But it's okay! Papyrus was brave! It surely just had to be one of Undyne's tests! Surely! She'll come out soon enough!

Two hours turned to three. What did Sans call 3am again? Was it the Witching Hour or the Devil's Hour? Papyrus always got the two mixed up. Speaking of Sans, surely he must be asleep in his room by now, right? Either that, or he's just not sleeping again. He hated to say it, but Sans definitely did not do well for himself in terms of sleep. Thinking of Sans' exhaustion only fueled Papyrus' desire to join the Royal Guard even more. He had to do this, for both of them.

Three to four. Papyrus kept thinking back to what Sans said. He told him that when Papyrus got a job, Sans would always try to work alongside him, or at least near him. Hmm... Come to think of it, how stable are Sans' jobs, really? The hotdog stand was obviously illegal, but his other little jobs... They weren't always available to him. Isn't that why he kept taking more and more of them? Maybe he needed a more stable job too. Well, then! It was pretty much a no-brainer what Papyrus had to do! Papyrus' future, Sans' career... It will all change tonight! Or, well, in the morning, at least.

Four to five. Wow, she was really testing him, huh? Papyrus' bones were starting to ache from just how long he'd been standing. He didn't even know bones could ache like that!

Five to six. Six to seven. The door mouth opened once more. There she was, stretching and ready for the day. She was wearing an eye patch, and her hair was tied back into a tight ponytail. So cool.

She opened her singular eye and stared at Papyrus in surprise. Well... This was peculiar.

"HELLO!"

"...Hi?" The warrior waved sheepishly, before narrowing her eye suspiciously at him. "Were you really standing here all night?"

"I SURE WAS!!!" The skeleton responded cheerfully. "DID I PASS THE TEST?"

"What t-" She cut herself short as it fully sunk in what was actually going on. This guy wants to be a Royal Guard, and he was so perseverant and stubborn that he was willing to stand out here all night just to get in. The realisation made her scoff a bit with a smile. "Huh. Hey, uh, what's your name?"

"PAPYRUS!"

"Alright, Papyrus." Her grin almost resembled a sneer as she summoned her signature weapon - a glowing cyan spear. She stepped out of her house, pacing around the skeleton as she twirled her spear around, careful not to hit him, but not so careful that she came across as the opposite of intimidating. "Tell me a bit more about yourself."

"WHY, OF COURSE!!! MY NAME IS PAPYRUS, I AM A SKELETON, I AM 19 YEARS OLD, MY FAVORITE COLOR IS VERMILLION, IT'S THIS RED-ORANGE COMBINATION, THE COLOR OF MY SCARF, ACTUALLY!!! I WAS BORN ON AUGUST 26TH, I HAVE A TWIN BROTHER- AAAHHH!!!"

Papyrus' speech was quickly cut off by the simple action of Undyne lifting him over her head with one arm. Wow! She knew she was strong, and skeletons were light, but it was still amazing! Her grip on his spine was incredibly tight, though. He could almost feel her fingernails dig into him, but he didn't care!

"I MEANT tell me more about your attributes!"

"ATTRIBUTES?"

"Well, I already know you're patient!" With a slight grunt, Undyne tossed Papyrus up and caught him before putting him down. "And your perseverance is impressive! But what about your strength?! Your toughness?! Your drive and ambition!!! Do you have that?!"

Now, THAT was a no-brainer!

"OF COURSE I DO!!!"

With a laugh, the captain crouched into a battle stance, pointing her spear directly towards him. "Prove it."

Papyrus only had a millisecond to prepare for what happened next.

Ding!

His soul froze in place.

"WHAT?" As Undyne leaped into the air, Papyrus looked down to observe what happened. His soul! It's green!

"NGAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Ooh, cool boss music- Uh oh!

Time appeared to slow down as Papyrus spotted a cyan spear hurdling towards him. Thinking fast, he summoned a bone that shot up from the ground, which effectively deflected it.

And that was just the beginning.

Undyne leaped over Papyrus to hurl even more spears from several directions, which Papyrus quickly blocked with more bones.

This was it! This was his moment to prove his worth as a Royal Guard!

"IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?"

"Not even close, punk! Whoa!" Undyne quickly ducked under Papyrus' sudden bone attack. That sneaky trickster! "Fuhuhuhu... Oh ho, alright! Show me what YOU got!"

"GLADLY!!! NYEH!!!"

Just as Undyne leapt into the air for another barrage of spears, she suddenly felt her soul, and her body, drop to the ground.

"YOU'RE BLUE NOW!!! THAT'S MY ATTACK!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

Undyne only had a few moments to take in just how crafty this new guy is. However, just as pride was about to take over her face, a line of bone attacks sped towards her.

Gravity may be heavy now, but her legs were still strong enough to leap over them!

"Hup! Fuhuhu!"

"NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

The blue did little to hinder Undyne as she hurled more spears from several directions. The green-soulled skeleton had to summon his bones quite quickly if he wanted to avoid getting hit!

Ding ding ding ding!

Guess she would have to pick up the pace! And apparently, his own bone attacks had already thought of it!

But no matter how fast the bone attacks were, Undyne was even faster! Using her spear as a pole, she vaulted herself over the rows upon rows of bones, which practically turned her training ground into a field of landmines. The only difference was, the landmines were clearly visible, but downright impossible to avoid on solid ground.

As the two fighters locked eyes, they shared mutual feelings of admiration and pride. Time slowed down once more as they exchanged looks mid-attack. Was there nothing they can't do?

Ding ding ding- "OOF!"

669/680.

Drat! Papyrus was distracted!

"Fuhuhuhuhu!" Undyne laughed as she landed on the ground with a roll into a heroic stance. She looked like she came straight out of a superhero action movie, at least in Papyrus' glistening eye sockets. "What a rush! You really know how to-"

...

1492/1500.

What the? Something was wedged in her heel?! How?!

Undyne looked down, only to find a tiny bone that had penetrated her boots and stabbed her heel. It didn't hurt that much, but god, was it powerful! Was this guy really that strong? If he could penetrate leather boots with just a single attack AND take off 8 HP from doing so, then there was no doubt in Undyne's mind that he would make an incredible Royal Guard. He's definitely got the stuff, that's for sure!

Meanwhile, Papyrus' gleaming grin quickly turned into an expression of shock. He covered his mouth with a guilty expression. Did he just... STAB the person he was trying to impress?! Why is she looking down like that? Please be proud, please be proud, please be proud...

"...Fuhuhu... huhuhu... FUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU! Oh my Delta Rune, I didn't see THAT one coming, you tricky little punk!"

Seeing Undyne laugh filled Papyrus with relief. And with relief came laughter too.

"NYEH HEH HEH... NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

"IS THAT HOW YOU LAUGH?!"

"YES!!!"

Somehow, that just made the two laugh louder. Surely now, Undyne would finally let Papyrus into the Royal Guard! Surely, surely, surely!

"Okay, Papyrus, right?"

"UM... YES?" Wowie! Now she's talking business! She was surely about to give him a handshake and start talking about his knighting ceremony and talk about his new armour and Royal Guard emblem...

"Your attacks are super powerful and well-coordinated, and I can tell you can take a hit too, even without armor!"

"THANK YOU! I HAVE SPENT MY FORMATIVE YEARS PERFECTING MY ATTACKS SO I CAN GIVE 1000% IN ALL MY BATTLES!! NYEH HEH HEH!!" Papyrus tried his best to look cool and confident, but at the same time, humble, by putting his hand on his chest and his other hand on his hip. His scarf flew in the wind. In the... nonexistent wind. Somehow.

Undyne snickered under her breath. "Well, it's definitely paid off! There's just a couple of questions I have to ask you to make sure you're REALLY Royal Guard material!"

Papyrus dropped the pose. "SORRY?"

"Come on! Did you really think being as tough as you are is enough to qualify as a Royal Guard member? It's not just about how strong you are physically!" Maintaining her huge smile, Undyne proceeded to accentuate her words with pretty hard pokes to Papyrus' sternum. However, no one could say that Undyne's words were "stern-um" at all, at least, not in tone. "The Royal Guard needs strong hearts! Hearts of monsters who want nothing more than to seek freedom, truth and justice in the hearts of many! Who want to make everyone's hopes and dreams come true!!!"

The inverted mermaid warrior summoned yet another spear and stuck it into the ground. She used it as a pole to lean on while she polished her other spear with nothing more than her own spit and vest top. Gross in Papyrus' opinion, but awesome at the same time.

"So tell me! What do you want more than anything in the world?"

"POPULARITY!!!"

...Well, she didn't expect that. Undyne's face contorted in confusion. "Sorry, what?"

Papyrus' face also contorted to mirror her confused look. He gave the perfect answer, didn't he? Maybe it was so unique and special, that even she was caught off guard by it or something. The Great Papyrus has many talents after all, one of them surprising people.

"LET ME REITERATE! I WANT POPULARITY AND FRIENDSHIP!"

"...That's all?"

What was that supposed to mean? Oh, wait. Oh wait! Quick, save face!

"W-WELL, OF COURSE I WANT TO BRING FREEDOM TO ALL MONSTERS!!! OF COURSE!!! BUT... I WANT TO DO THAT WHILST ACQUIRING MANY STRONG FRIENDSHIPS!!! Y-YOU CAN'T PROTECT AN ENTIRE KINGDOM EFFECTIVELY IF YOU'RE NOT BONDED TO THEM, RIGHT??? AND FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST WAY TO BOND!!! IT'S A WIN-WIN!!!"

Huh... Well, he made a good point, Undyne thought. But is friendship all he wanted out of this? He couldn't find a way to make friends that didn't involve being a part of what is essentially the underground's military? Well, they did say there was no stronger bond than comrades in arms. Though considering who Undyne has to work with, she's still debating if that's even true or not. Either way, as the Captain of the Royal Guard, she can't let this guy in until she sets him straight. This was getting very concerning. Biting her lip, Undyne stood up straight for her next question.

"Friendship isn't the only reason to be joining the Royal Guard, Papyrus. Like, what about honor or... or justice?! Like, what are you gonna do if you meet a human?!"

"WELL..." The skeleton paused to think. What WOULD he do if he met a human? He always agreed with Sans that humans are pretty cool. So what would he do? "I WOULD... FIGHT THEM!"

Undyne's stance shot up as she sported a perky grin. "Yeah, and?"

"AND... I WOULD SHOW THEM MY BEST ATTACKS!!!"

"Yeah, and?!"

"AND I WOULD FLEX MY MUSCLES ON THEM!!!"

"Hell yeah!!! Flex on them HARD!!!"

"AND LET'S NOT FORGET PUTTING THEM THROUGH PUZZLES!!!"

"Okay, not a fan of puzzles, but I'm digging it!"

"AND..."

"Yes????"

"I WOULD ASK THEM IF THEY WERE IMPRESSED BY MY PUZZLES AND BATTLE PROWESS, AND THEN WHEN THEY INEVITABLY SAY YES, I WOULD TAKE THEM OVER TO MY HOUSE TO HANG OUT, AND WE WOULD EXCHANGE PHONE NUMBERS AND-"

"Wait wait wait wait wait, wait. Wait."

Why is she looking at him like that?

Why is he looking at her like that?

"I just gotta... take a minute."

"OH! OKAY!"

Papyrus allowed Undyne to leave, hopeful. Did that do it? Did that convince her? Surely, it did! He gave perfectly reasonable answers to her questions! He's got this in the bag! Papyrus will be a Royal Guard in no time!

Except...

Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god. He's gonna get torn to pieces out there... Surely he must know how dangerous humans can be?! I certainly do! Doesn't he know?! How old is this guy?! He told me his age, why can't I remember it?! Oh god he's not- I can't just let him in like this! Think, Undyne! Think!

Once she regained her ground, Undyne returned to an innocent-looking skeleton waiting like a dog outside of a marketplace.

It's really a shame that she couldn't let him into the Royal Guard on good conscience. He'd get broiled alive with an attitude like that.

"Hey!"

The excited skeleton looked at her, his expression filled with hope. For once, the captain's sweat isn't just from exercise.

"So..." She fidgeted with her spear as her eye darted around, her grin far too wide for it to be genuine. "You want to be a Royal Guard. And I can make you one!"

Papyrus gasped, his feet stomping enthusiastically. Is she really getting his hopes up like this only to never let him join? But then again, it would be terrible of her to crush his dreams. Undyne's goal is to MAKE dreams come true, including Papyrus'. Even though those dreams are very misguided. Oh, Asgore, what was she getting into?

Well, she can't turn back now.

"But, err, you're going to have to go through some SERIOUS training before we can let you in!"

His excitement didn't die down. "LIKE WHAT?!"

Oh crap, she didn't think this far. "Like... Uhh..."

Her eye darted around more than ever, desperate to find something else for him to do with his life. Maybe if she pushed towards him into another direction, he would- Her eye landed on her kitchen through the windows.

"COOKING!" She blurted without thinking.

...

"Well, all good warriors need to learn how to cook, right? RIGHT???"

In her "I-don't-want-to-crush-his-innocence-and-dreams" mindset, Undyne barely noticed Papyrus' amazed, almost wistful expression.

Cooking... Papyrus didn't know what cooking had to do with Royal Guard training, but perhaps he could learn. After all, while he is very knowledgeable about certain aspects, Papyrus had to admit to himself that he didn't exactly do his Royal Guard research beforehand. But if Undyne said it was important, then who was he to doubt her?

"YEAH! ALL GOOD WARRIORS NEED TO KNOW HOW TO COOK, OF COURSE! IT'S COMMON SENSE! NYEH HEH HEH!"

Oh, the relief that washed over Undyne's body in that moment. She looked about ready to deflate. What a morning. And she hasn't even started her patrol yet! This guy... Oh, she was going to love cooking with him. She could feel it in her pounding heart. The thought rejuvenated her.

"That's the spirit!!!" And just like that, her energy was back. "Come on, knucklehead! We still have a couple of things to talk about before your first cooking lesson! Fuhuhuhu!"

That was the last thing she said before she walked back in her house.

And in that house, they would discuss everything.

The cooking lessons.

The sentry work.

Sans.

Papyrus didn't know a lot of stuff, but he knew this: Today marked a new chapter in his life. A brand new goal.

He was going to be the best Royal Guard ever.

Chapter Text

Dark, darker, yet darker.

There was nothing else here. Just dark. But to Sans, the darkness was quite peaceful.

He didn't mind floating through a dark, endless void. After all, despite the location, he was safe. Comfortable. He could float around here for hours.

How did he get here? Sans didn't know. Sans didn't care. He just mindlessly floated through the endless, oblivious to the passage of time.

If this was how he was gonna go out, then he'd be very happy.

Until he opened his eyes and found himself in the living room with an overly excited Papyrus yelling at him.

"SANS SANS SANS SANS SANS!!!!!! OH GOOD, YOU'RE AWAKE!!!"

Sans felt his body protest, yelling at him to go back to sleep. He groaned and rubbed his eye sockets before addressing his overly excited brother.

"sup, bro?"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S 'SUP', BROTHER!!!" Ooh, boy. Papyrus was bouncing up and down, flapping his arms. Something exciting must have happened. He started blabbering at the speed of sound. "SO ON MY WAY HOME FROM OUR LITTLE SHIFT YESTERDAY I MET THIS CHILD WHO KEPT FALLING OVER AND THEY AGREED WITH ME ABOUT HOW COOL THE ROYAL GUARD WAS AND THAT GAVE ME AN IDEA TO JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD MYSELF!!! SO I WENT OVER TO THE CAPTAIN'S HOUSE, HER NAME IS UNDYNE BY THE WAY, AND ASKED HER IF I COULD BE A ROYAL GUARD BUT SHE SLAMMED THE DOOR ON ME HOWEVER I KNEW IT WAS A TEST SO I WAITED PATIENTLY FOR HOURS UNTIL SHE CAME OUT AGAIN AND THEN SHE ASKED ME SOME QUESTIONS AND WE FOUGHT TO TEST MY SKILLS AND NOW SHE'S TAKEN ME UNDER HER WING AND-"

God, this was WAY too much energy for Sans to deal with right now. Could he please go back to the endless void? Actually, that didn't sound like a bad idea. Slowly, Sans' eye sockets drifted shut...

But not for long.

"HEY!!! DON'T FALL ASLEEP WHILE I'M EXPLAINING!!! THAT'S SO RUDE!!! UGH!!!"

Sans' eyes sprung open. Well, that plan wasn't happening any time soon. He just had to watch Papyrus excitedly pace up and down, flap his arms and blabber on. An endeared smile steadily crawled onto Sans' face as he watched his brother, his desire for sleep forgotten.

"SHE BROUGHT ME INSIDE AND WE HAD A CHAT ABOUT SENTRY WORK, SO I'M A SENTRY NOW!!! I KNOW, SANS, YOU'RE SUPER PROUD OF ME AND I'M THE BEST AND THE COOLEST, YES, I KNOW, BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!!!"

"oh, really?" Sans chuckled. "what else do you have to say?"

It was then that Papyrus turned to Sans with a bright grin on his face.

"YOU'RE GOING TO BE WORKING WITH ME!!!"

Sans' amused smile immediately dropped to a shocked one. "what?"

"YOU HEARD ME!!! I PUT IN A WORD WITH UNDYNE! SO NOW, WE CAN WORK TOGETHER, JUST LIKE HOW WE TALKED ABOUT!!!" Papyrus laughed and puffed out his chest in pride, unaware of the dread he just triggered in his brother. "NOW WE WON'T BE APART AGAIN!!! ISN'T THAT AMAZING?! AM I NOT AMAZING?! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

It was amazing. It was amazing that Papyrus was able to do all that literally overnight. But at the same time, it was all so sudden too. Sans was comfortable with the routine he managed to set up. Sure, it led to exhaustion more often than not, but at least Sans knew what he was doing. This should be exciting for him. Look! Papyrus just got him a stable job! Shouldn't he be happy?! He can work alongside his favourite person in the world! He should just quit all his jobs right then and there! But what about all those other people he took odd jobs for? How would they do without him? They'll be fine, he's sure of that, but would they be sad that he won't be able to help them anymore? How much did they really depend on him? Will he still be able to do his hot dog stand?! What about Grillby's?! What about the shows he had booked?! Did he have to cancel all of that?! But at the same time, if he let on to just how he actually felt about what Papyrus did, would he disappoint him too? Poor Papyrus is so lonely, he needed him, he knew he needed him! He just got so used to having so many jobs, it felt like the only way to remain financially stable, and now... Shouldn't he be happy?! Come on, Sans! React normally! React normally react normally don't just stare at him be normal be noRMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL WHY ARE YOU SITTING THERE JUST BE NORMAL YOU STUPID PIECE OF-

Papyrus stared. That look on Sans' face. It screamed a thousand words. One of those being shock. Another... excitement! He must be so excited about working with Papyrus that he froze! That's the only logical explanation for why he was staring at him with empty black eye sockets!

"I UNDERSTAND, BROTHER! YOU'RE SO EXCITED TO WORK WITH ME THAT YOU CANNOT EVEN SPEAK! IT'S A GOOD THING I SPEAK SANS, OTHERWISE YOU WOULD BE COMPLETELY UNREADABLE!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

Not one of Sans' bones twitched.

"ANYWAY, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH YOU, BROTHER!!! CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULE BECAUSE WE START TOMORROW AT NINE! DON'T BE LATE!"

And with that, Papyrus strided upstairs. Oh, how exciting this will be! Sans and Papyrus, together forever, just like they promised so long ago!

--------

If the weather changed underground, then the next day would have been the equivalent of a chilly, but cloudless sunny day. The snow was calm, steady and peaceful, with the only sounds coming from the crunch underneath Papyrus' and Undyne's boots. Undyne was carrying out the standard procedure of guiding new sentries to their stations. Where was Sans, though? Ugh, he must be late. Of course.

Papyrus briefly wondered why Undyne was so wrapped up. Did she really need all those jackets? That's when he remembered that fish monsters are cold-blooded. Of course!

"UNDYNE?" Papyrus wondered. "WHY ARE WE GOING SO FAR INTO THE WOODS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE ESCORTING ME TO MY SENTRY STATION."

"I am, Papyrus!" Undyne huffed. "Your sentry station is just far out here because we need someone on the frontlines in case a human comes. And well, in terms of newbies..." A proud grin. "You're the toughest I've seen yet! I'm sure you'll do great!"

Papyrus lit up. "REALLY?"

"Hell yeah! So don't you worry about a thing!"

As they finally approached the area, a lonely sentry station entered their sight. It was nothing special, just a simple sentry station in a little clearing leading deeper into the forest. How this counted as the frontlines, Papyrus had no idea. He did know one thing, though...

"Alright, you know what you're doing? Fuhuhuhu! Of course you do! Go get 'em, Papyrus."

He was going to make Undyne proud.

After Undyne left, Papyrus took a moment to get used to his surroundings. There was hardly anything here but woodland, but as the attentive soon-to-be Royal Guard that he is, Papyrus made sure to analyse and memorise every nook, every cranny, every tree and every little snowflake around here. He needed to keep constant watch. He had to be prepared! He had to have... have...

His brother.

"SANS!!!" Papyrus beamed as he spotted his brother walk down the trail, looking around and taking in the calm atmosphere.

Sans was all wrapped up, despite not needing to be. Large grey jacket, a bright pink hat that somehow managed to fit on his giant head, his blue and yellow scarf and white gloves. Meanwhile, there Papyrus was in his pink crop top and bright blue jean shorts, albeit with his large red boots that Sans found in the dump. He'd been wearing them nonstop since the day he was given them!

Excited, Papyrus sprinted towards Sans. "YOU'RE HERE!!!" Wait a minute... "YOU'RE LATE!!!"

"yeah. sorry, bro. i got lost."

"HOW DID YOU GET LOST ON YOUR FIRST DAY?!"

"i dunno where my sentry station is."

"ISN'T UNDYNE SUPPOSED TO..."

Wait. What if Sans had a different sentry station to here? Then they'd be separated again! The whole point of this was so they could work together!

After noting Sans' confused shrug, Papyrus decided to switch gears. His annoyed frown shifted into a proud smile.

"WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE FIGURED IT OUT FOR YOU!!!"

Sans raised a bonebrow. "really?"

"YES!!! YOU'LL BE WORKING HERE, WITH ME!!!"

Please buy it, please buy it, please buy it...

"are you sure?"

"YES!"

"i'm just sayin', i've never heard of two sentries working at one station. shouldn't undyne be spreadin' 'em out or..."

"W-WELL, UM, YOU SEE, WE'RE AT THE FRONTLINES, AND FRONTLINES NEED MORE PEOPLE TO DEFEND THE BACKLINES AND THE SIDELINES, AND THE MEAGER LINES, WHICH IS SNOWDIN."

"are you saying snowdin's meager?" Oh, that smirk.

Papyrus huffed in response. "ABSOLUTELY NOT! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, SANS!!! WE'RE WORKING AT THE SAME STATION, AND THAT'S THAT!!!"

Sans won't lie, all of this was making him questions whether he's a real sentry at all. He was trying not to think of the consequences of quitting all his jobs, only to find out that he actually wasn't a sentry, and he actually made them lose money in the process, but Papyrus can be trusted, right? Yeah, he can, so he shouldn't worry about it. Don't worry. Don't think. Just don't think at all, it's fine, it's fine.

Sans wondered if burying his head in the snow would be a reasonable response to all of this.

But then again... Working together would mean Sans would have all the time in the world to get under Papyrus' skin- er, so to speak. Yeah. Yeah! He just needed to stop worrying about the change and go with the flow, just like he always did! He's got this! He's got this!

"okay, bro. we're working at the same station, i gotcha loud and clear."

Wowie... Papyrus could finally release that breath. Gosh, that felt so good.

"WELL, THEN..." Perking up again, Papyrus took the liberty to march over to his... THEIR... sentry station. "THERE'S NO TIME TO WASTE, SANS! WE NEED TO STAND GUARD! CAPTAIN'S ORDERS, AFTER ALL!"

"yup. captain's orders." Sans chuckled to himself as he followed behind him.

--------

Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four!

Up up, down down went the Papyrus. He's seen old war films! He knew how people manned their stations! Of course, those old war films were cartoons featuring anthropomorphic animal monsters, but surely they were based on real life, right? Right!

Frustratingly, Sans didn't seem to have the same idea. He was completely slumped over the desk, practically deflated like an old balloon from a sad, lonely birthday party. Not that Papyrus was ever alone on his birthday, of course, considering the fact that he has to share it.

"SANS!" Papyrus didn't cease his march as he addressed the issue. "DON'T JUST SIT THERE! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GUARDING THE STATION, NOT LAUNDERING AROUND!"

Sans did nothing but moan. "but it's so boring..."

"WELL, FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING!"

Sans just moaned again. With a frustrated scoff, Papyrus decided to just continue his march.

Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two- SPLAT!

"EEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Papyrus screeched as the cold wet substance slid down his crop top. "SANS!!!! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!!!!!! PREPARE YOUR FIGHTING STANCE!!!!!!"

He reflexively summoned two large bone attacks and twired them around like batons, all the while posing and moving like a ninja. This was a serious matter, but to Papyrus' frustration and dismay, all he could hear from his brother was wheezing laughter. Sans was always soft-spoken, to the point where even his hysterical laughter was near-silent. Even so, it annoyed Papyrus to no end.

"SANS!!! DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?! WE ARE! UNDER! ATTA-" SPLAT! "AAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!"

Sans outright wheezed out a barely cohesive sentence. "oh my god... bro... you... haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." Unable to sit upright, Sans slammed both his head and his hand down on the desk.

Meanwhile, Papyrus whipped the remaining snow off his face. "SEE?! SOMEONE'S PELTING US WITH SNOWBALLS! IT MUST BE A... A..." His voice trailed off amidst his hysterical brother's laughter, for he had finally figured out who was actually behind the snowballs.

Right there, behind Sans, was a pile of snowballs, ready to be thrown. One was even hovering in mid-air thanks to Sans' magic.

Fine. If that's how he'll play. Then Papyrus will play.

Using Sans' hysterical state to his advantage, Papyrus used his own gravity magic to whip out a giant snowball and practically bury him inside of it. And just like magic (literally), Sans' laughter ceased to be.

"HA! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD TRICK ME FOR LONG, DIDN'T YOU?! I'M ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU, SANS!! YOU NEED TO REMEMBER THAT!!! THERE'S NOTHING THE GREAT PAPYRUS CANNOT OUTWIT!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

At this point, the only trace of Sans one could see were his large eye sockets, filled with surprise, humour, and funnily enough, admiration.

"welp, you got me."

"I SURE DID! NYEH HEH HEH!!!" Prouder than ever, Papyrus continued with his march.

Hup, two, three four!

He was so invested in his march that he didn't notice Sans blipping in and out for half a second.

Hup, two, three, four! Hup (PRRT) two (PRRT) three (PRRT) four! (PRRRRT!)

Papyrus stopped in his tracks. Why.

He looked under his boot, only to find a whoopie cushion hastily taped onto the soles. How was that even possible?!?!

"SANS!!!"

There it was. The hysterical wheezing laughter. Yup, he was going at it. Oh, and he collapsed. Great, just great.

Papyrus growled and went into full-blown stomping tantrum mode. "SANS, THIS IS A SERIOUS JOB!!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN A HUMAN COMES?! CATCH THEM WITH... FARTS?!?!"

That did not help to stop Sans' wheezing. "help... help..."

A scoff. "WHOOPIE CUSHIONS HAVE NO PLACE IN THE ROYAL GUARD!!!"

Out of all things, that was what got Sans to stop his wheezing, if only for a moment. "then why'dja tape whoopie cushions to your boots?"

"I DIDN'T!!!!!!!"

And there he went again, this time bursting out in a myriad of snorts and giggles.

All Papyrus wanted was to see his brother and hang out with him again, but now...

"THAT'S IT!!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH YOUR DISPLAY OF MOCKERY TO THE ROYAL GUARD!!! I'M GOING!!!"

Spotting his brother storming off, it was like a switch had been flipped in Sans. "wait, what? you're just gonna abandon your duties on the first day? i thought you wanted to be a royal guard."

Papyrus halted. As much as he hated to admit it, Sans was right. But then again, he couldn't take his own brother making a mockery of his dream with his jokes. There must be some sort of solution...

Hmm...

"W-WELL..." Papyrus fumbled around for an answer. Think, Papyrus, think! "I'LL JUST... MAKE MY OWN SENTRY STATION."

"...what?"

"YEAH!!! I'LL MAKE MY OWN SENTRY STATION, AND IT'LL BE BETTER THAN YOURS!!!"

Sans didn't have the brain cells to argue. Not that he had brain cells in the first place. "um... is that even allow-" And Papyrus stormed off. "ok."

Ten very boring minutes later, the shorter brother caught sight of Papyrus trying to balance cardboard up the trail. Oh, well. Might as well see what's happening.

"sup, bro?"

"NOTHING!" The huffy skeleton continues to struggle in his quest to build a really cool sentry station. Unfortunately, the cardboard did NOT want to cooperate. "I'M JUST BUILDING GREATLY, BUILDING A GREAT SENTRY STATION THAT IS... GREAT! AND DEFINITELY NOT AS ANNOYING AS YOU!!!!"

The amount of pettiness that could be displayed in one skeleton. "ok. you just look like you're havin' issues."

"I DO NOT HAVE ISSUES!!! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH ISSUES!!! YOU HAVE A LOT OF..." The cardboard fell over. "GRRRRRR!!!!! ATTITUDE ISSUES!!!!!" He slammed down a piece of cardboard that just didn't want to work with him. How could it not?! He was the Great Papyrus! Cardboard should love him, right? But then again, cardboard didn't exactly have feelings.

"attitude issues? me? i dunno, you seem to be the one with the attitude."

"OH, SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO BE A RESPECTABLE ROYAL GUARD HERE!"

"relax, bro. it's only the first day."

"YES, AND THAT'S WHY WE NEED TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION!"

"is that what you're stressin' out about?"

Nope, this cardboard wasn't working. "UGH, I JUST... IF I WERE A ROYAL GUARD, THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE PERFECT! THAT'S HOW I SEE IT!"

That's when Sans started to wonder. Just how important was this to Papyrus? He hadn't had much of anything to do before, and now... Well... He supposed he had to have a reason. Papyrus never got stressed about anything unless he had something to prove. And having had only been in Snowdin for a few months by now, it only made sense that he had something to prove. What was up with his brother?

"GAHHH!!! I'LL BE BACK, CARDBOARD!!!!" With a kick, Papyrus stormed off once more. Without even thinking about it, Sans automatically tried to balance the cardboard until it resembled some kind of sentry station. If that's what Papyrus wanted, then so he it.

One trip to the store later, and screw-shaped pasta held the station together.

"LOOK AT THIS MASTERPIECE, SANS!!! NOW WE CAN BE STATION NEIGHBORS!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

"heh, yeah. it's a step up from being station roommates, that's for sure."

"YOU KNOW WHAT, BROTHER? I THINK I'LL LEAVE A NOTE!" Using Sans' head as a table to lean against, Papyrus scrawled out a perfectly written note.

YOU OBSERVE THE WELL-CRAFTED SENTRY STATION. WHO COULD HAVE BUILT THIS, YOU WONDER... I BET IT WAS THAT VERY FAMOUS ROYAL GUARDSMAN!

Sans snickered a little at the note. "uh, bro? you're not exactly a famous guardsman yet."

"I KNOW THAT, SANS!!!" Curse his tendency to say what he's writing out loud!

(NOTE: NOT YET A VERY FAMOUS ROYAL GUARDSMAN.)

After he situated the note onto his beautiful sentry station, the brothers stood back to admire it. For what is essentially a cardboard box held together by pasta, it was really well-made.

"PERFECT!!!"

"heh. nice work, bro."

And like that, they were friends again.

--------

Now that Sans had some time to himself, he had the opportunity to collect his thoughts. And what better place to do that than in Snowdin Forest? The atmosphere was absolutely perfect. The delightful crunch of fresh snow, the abundance of trees watching over him... Now all that's needed are cute little critters wandering around. But alas, not many animals managed to make their way down here. Not without dying, anyway. Don't think about that.

"if i could begin to be, half of what you think of me..." Sans sang under his breath as he walked. Perhaps Papyrus getting him to be a sentry was a stroke of good luck.

"i could do about anything... i could even- whoa."

His singing was quickly interrupted by the puzzling display laid out before him. Not really a surprise, but still.

The most important person in Sans' life was building a puzzle, but at the same time, he was buzzing almost as much as the electricity used to run this thing. He stood there, watching his brother lay down a tile with an X on top. He was amazed at how well it blended into the snow.

"whatcha up to, bro?"

The busy buzzer of a skeleton jolted to attention, before beaming and practically shrieking his answer at Sans. "SANS!!! OH MY GOD!!! I WAS TOLD ROYAL GUARDS HAVE TO MAKE PUZZLES TO STOP HUMANS!!!!"

Oh, perfect. More work. "oh, that's what's gotcha so excited? huh. i would've thought it was the lack of puzzles."

"VERY FUNNY, SANS. YOU'RE A REAL JOKESTER." Papyrus vowed to never let Sans know how much he actually enjoyed their banter. "BUT REALLY!!!! THIS IS AMAZING, ISN'T IT?! I NOT ONLY GET TO SHOW OFF MY COOL TRICKS AND ATTACKS, BUT I ALSO GET TO SHOW OFF MY UNDEFEATED PUZZLE PROWESS!!! LIKE THIS ONE!!!"

Sans tilted his head and squinted at the puzzle. "uh, what am i looking at, exactly?"

"DO YOU REMEMBER THAT PUZZLE CUBE I USED TO PLAY WITH WHEN I WAS YOUNGER?"

"yeah, you carried that thing everywhere."

"WELL, I DECIDED TO MAKE A LITTLE PUZZLE BASED OFF THE PATTERNS I CREATED!!!" With an excited grunt, he finally pushed the tile into place. "THERE!!! TRY IT OUT!!!"

Papyrus stood tall and proud while Sans, after a brief glance, stepped on the tile with one booted foot. Instantly, the blue X turned into a dashing red O.

"huh. that's really cool."

"I KNOW, SEE! THEY'RE ALL X'S!!! AND YOU HAVE TO TURN THEM ALL INTO O'S!!! I THINK IT'S REALLY CLEVER, DON'T YOU?!"

Sans beamed. How was his brother so cool? How did he get so lucky? "heh. i love it. it's really cute."

"THANK YOU!! I-" Papyrus froze in what was meant to be his heroic pose, trying to process what Sans said. Was he serious? Cute? "WAIT, WHAT? CUTE?! HOW IS MY PUZZLE CUTE?!"

Sans' beam quickly turned into a mischievous grin. Ooh, he could have fun with this. "you based it off a toy you used to carry around. it's really cute."

"OH, THAT'S RICH, COMING FROM THE ONE WHO GOT CALLED CUTE CONSTANTLY WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER!!!"

"hey, just because i'm small and round and baby-faced, that doesn't make me cute, alright?"

He was joking. Papyrus knew that he was joking. That wink gave him away!

"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT MAKES SOMEONE CUTE!!!"

"aww, you think i'm cute?"

"DON'T TRICK ME INTO COMPLIMENTING YOU!!!!!"

Sans relented with a chuckle. "alright, alright. seriously, though. great work."

"THANK YOU, SANS!!! THIS WAS JUST THE BEGINNING!!! SOON, THIS WHOLE PART OF THE WOODS WILL BE BRIMMING WITH AMAZING PUZZLES!!! JUST YOU WAIT, I WILL BE A ROYAL GUARD YET!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

And just like that, Papyrus was off, ready to prepare the next puzzle.

As he watched his brother gleefully run off to achieve his dreams, Sans couldn't help but smile. Of course, he always smiled, but this smile was real. This smile was genuine. This smile was the smile of a man who wasn't worried anymore. A man who knows that as long as he's with his brother, he can work through anything. Complicated job changes, financial problems... He can get through them. He knows he can. How could he not when Papyrus is right there with him?

--------

To Papyrus, the best part about this job was making amazing puzzles to the tune of his favourite song ever.

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH, PAPYRUS IS THE BEST AT MAKING GRAND PUZZLES TO CAPTURE ALL HIS PREY..." Bonetrousle is such a bop.

In addition to his incredible singing ability, two dogs attempted to sing along too. At least it seemed like that... Actually, no. They were most certainly not singing along. If they were trying, then... A for effort.

Speaking of dogs, Papyrus forgot one crucial detail about this job. But luckily, he remembered it as soon as he turned around and saw two large dogs running towards them, their massive tongues flapping and flicking drool everywhere.

"OH WAIT!!! I WORK WITH DOGS!!! DOGS EAT BONES!!!"

Oh no! Papyrus is bones! And they looked hungry... There was only one thing that a brave skeleton like him could do in that moment!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"Bork! Bork!"

And just like that, Papyrus took off running. Running up a tree, that is. Good thing he's able to control gravity. But it was still bad, since he was now stuck on a branch with two dogs trying to snap at his legs.

"GET DOWN!!! GET DOWN!!! STUPID DOGS!!!"

How does one get dogs away from such a tasty-looking snack?!

"SIT!!! DOWN!!! CEASE!!! NYOO HOO HOO, THIS IS HOPELESS!!!"

Suddenly, a loud whistle caught all parties' attentions. And standing there, on the opposite side of the clearing, was Sans holding a large bone attack. It was large enough to feed two dogs at the same time, which turned out to be the point.

"hey, what's this?"

The two dogs immediately turned to Sans without hesitation. He waved the bone around, almost like he was trying to taunt them with a bone-shaped magic wand. Papyrus had to admit that he was drawn in to the movements too.

"ooh, a big, tasty bone. don'tcha wanna gobble it up?"

The dogs panted and bounded over. The perfect moment.

"and fetch!" There the bone went, straight over the bushes. The dogs wasted no time. They leapt into the bushes, racing to grab the delicious bone appetit snack.

Both brothers stood there, watching in silence to make sure the dogs were really gone before Sans spoke again. "looks like they really liked the idea of that tree-t, huh? don't worry, they'll leaf you alone now."

Papyrus' mood soured. "HAHA, VERY FUNNY. AT LEAST I KNOW HOW TO CLIMB-" His scarf snagged on a branch as he tried to get down, souring his mood even more. "NNGH, TREES!!!" He quickly dislodged it...

Then collapsed into a pile of bones.

Sans couldn't stifle a chuckle. "jeebus, bro, i never took you for the 'scared of dogs' typeface."

"OH, SHUT UP, YOU!!!" Papyrus tried his best to hide his smile underneath his scarf, to the point where his voice came out muffled. "THANKS FOR SAVING ME, BY THE WAY. I WAS IN A RUFF SPOT."

The day that Sans stopped being endeared by his brother is the day the world would end. "you do know that these dogs are your new coworkers now, right?"

The pile of bones whined into his scarf. "I KNOW THAT! IT'S JUST... THEY CAN BE SO ANNOYING!!!"

"i know, i know." The smiling jokester carefully sat next to the grumpy skeleton as the latter got his bearings. Somehow, this action placated Papyrus quicker. "say, you wanted friends, right?"

"...MORE THAN ANYTHING."

"well, i know there's no better way to get to know someone than over lunch. whaddya say? wanna come to grillby's and get to know our coworkers more? they go there all the time. remember what happened last time?"

"WELL... THEY WERE REALLY COOL AND FRIENDLY LAST TIME..." A memory made Papyrus jolt suddenly. "AND THEN I COULD PLAY FETCH WITH THEM!!!!"

"ey, you got it." Sans held out a hand that Papyrus didn't hesitate to take. "i'm sure the royal guard would be glad to know you're workin' with 'em."

"YOU REALLY THINK SO?"

"absolutely."

--------

Grillby's was about as warm and welcoming as Papyrus remembered. At the same time, the smell of grease still lingered, but that's to be expected in a restaurant. Papyrus only wished he thought to bring his sniffer cloth.

As soon as the brothers stepped in, there was only a two second gap between their entrance and the sound of a bark directed at them.

"Hey, it's the brothers!"

"(Come sit with us!)"

Just like last time, Papyrus stilled at the amount of coolness he had been presented with. Sans was right. He is with the Royal Guard now, despite not actually being one yet. After a brief moment of realisation, he took Sans by the hand and rushed over, pulling the laid-back skeleton behind him.

"whoa! heh. excited, much?" Sans jokingly protested as they sat at the Royal Guards' table. It was like they were being accepted into the popular group. A dream come true for Papyrus!

"(Aww, tell us about it! Tell me, what have you two been up to lately?)" The Dogi leaned in, almost in sync. If they weren't married, then one could assume they were twins, in a stereotypical sense.

"W-WELL, I'M SURE YOU HAVE HEARD THAT I'M A SENTRY NOW!!!" Okay, okay, showing off to make yourself look better. Okay, Papyrus. "AND I'M REALLY GREAT AT IT!!! I MEAN, YES, IT'S MY FIRST DAY, BUT I THINK..."

"Bork!"

Papyrus' head whipped round to see both Lesser and Greater Dog sitting at the table. Lesser sat next to Sans, passing out cards to herself... and only herself. All the while, Sans peered over curiously to see what she was doing. Skeletons and dog monsters didn't get along so well in ancient times, Papyrus knew that. Dogs were natural predators to beings made out of bones. Of course, there's no animosity between the two species nowadays, but still, Papyrus couldn't help but feel those old, more feral instincts kick in whenever he saw his brother get a little too close to the large dog.

"WHOA WHOA!!!"

"Hey, shh..." Dogamy put up a hand to placate him. "It's okay. Lesser's pretty calm, she won't hurt a fly."

Papyrus felt himself blush at the description. So he was running away for nothing? "O-OH. UM... OKAY! SORRY, THEN!"

How was he ever going to befriend the Royal Guard at this rate?

Meanwhile, Sans quickly found himself zoning out during the conversation. Focus was rough when there's a billion little sounds flying into his skull all at once. At least the sounds were pleasant. That's only one reason why Sans loves Grillby's so much. The crackling of Grillby's fire, the sizzling burgers on the grill, the quiet conversations happening around him, the music... What was Papyrus saying? What were the dogs saying? It didn't matter right now. They weren't focused on him anyway. This whole trip was for Papyrus' sake, after all.

In his absent-minded state, Sans turned to Lesser Dog and found nothing but fluff. Huh. How much work did she have to do to maintain her fluffiness, he wondered? Would she mind if he just...

Trying to be subtle enough so she wouldn't notice, he gently brushed his cheek against the softness of Lesser's fur. Wow, now that WAS soft. Maybe he could put his finger to it? His hand? Both of them?

Now, that got her to notice.

Registering the pets, Lesser Dog's neck began to extend as her tail wagged in delight. The reaction briefly surprised Sans, but it didn't knock him out of his dissociation. Not completely, anyway. But even in his stimulated state, one coherent thought entered Sans' mind.

that was so cool.

"SO HOW DOES ONE PLACATE A DOG MONSTER WHILE YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE AMAZING PUZZLES?"

The confused to-be Royal Guard slammed his fist on the table for emphasis, not frustration.

"(Well, sticks usually do the trick.)"

"Sticks do the trick for all of us, honey."

"(Yes, it's a guilty pleasure of mine.)"

Sticks, huh? Sticks for tricks...

"We also really enjoy the feeling of being pet. It's one of the most amazing things in the whole world."

And THAT, everyone, was what clicked inside Papyrus.

"YOU LIKE BEING PET TOO?!?!" He slammed both hands on the table and stood up enthusiastically. "OH MY GOD!!! I TOO LOVE BEING PET!!!! PETS ARE SUCH AN AMAZING SOURCE OF COMFORT, IT'S JUST... WELL... PETS!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!!! PETS!!!!!!!!"

Doggo, who had been quiet this entire time, was startled out of his bored state, and immediately started barking. "What?! Pet?! PET! PAT! PET! POT! PAT! PET! POT! PET! PET! PAT!"

Startled by the sudden barks that this dog was releasing, Papyrus quickly turned to check on his emotional support brother to see if they needed to switch the roles. Sans' hearing holes were always super sensitive, after all. Why he didn't bring his ear defenders to Grillby's was beyond Papyrus' comprehension.

Instead, he found Sans frantically petting Lesser Dog's ever expanding giraffe neck at, ironically, the speed of sound. He didn't get it. Was it self-soothing, was it distractibility? A little dumbfounded, Papyrus' eye sockets followed the neck, only to find that it's not only bent at an awkward 90° angle when it hit the ceiling, but it's also on a few of the other tables, on the floor, and stopped on top of the bar. But it didn't mean that it wasn't ever expanding the longer Sans pet Lesser.

Now that has GOT to be a health and safety violation. And the other dogs agreed as Lesser's neck continued expanding, all the way to the other tables, and coming up to their table in turn.

"Wait, Sans! Stop!" One customer called out. And more were sure to follow.

"STOP STOP STOP STOP!"

"Lesser, get out of my chair!"

"Sans, stop petting Lesser!!!"

"Somebody stop him!"

"Is he even listening?!"

It was the combined shouts of all the Royal Guards and Papyrus' quick act of grabbing Sans' wrists and pulling him away, as well as Lesser's head coming into view just in front of Sans, that finally got him to-

"STOP!!!!"

The previously absent skeleton finally jolted out of his overstimulated headspace, only to find out that his pets caused Lesser's neck to literally go... everywhere. What was this? A jungle?

"...shoot."

"SANS!!! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!!!"

"Bork!"

Realising what his actions did, Sans sank into his chair and started laughing. Maybe if he sunk in his chair enough, it would swallow him up and he wouldn't have to live with the shame.

Oh, and of course Grillby had to come over. With the bill.

"...just put it on my tab."

--------

"i'm sorry."

"YOU'RE SORRY? THAT WAS A DISASTER, SANS!!!"

"i'm sorry."

"I MEAN, WHY WOULD YOU PET A DOG WITH AN ABILITY LIKE THAT INSIDE A RESTAURANT?!?!"

"i'm an animal lover, i can't help myself."

"UGH..."

The twins strolled on their patrol in the cold in the... other word that rhymes with stroll and patrol. Eh, even cold was a bit of a stretch, to be fair. It didn't take their cold stroll very long to take them to a different sentry station up the road, anyhow. And the one running it was one of the dogs from earlier, taking a dog treat in the one way one should never take a dog treat.

Papyrus eyed the smoker thoughtfully. "HMM... WELL, I DID GET ONE THING FROM THAT EXPERIENCE. OUR COWORKERS ARE QUITE NICE."

"yeah? well, let's go say hi."

"YES!!!" And there he went!

"wait, careful, pap. doggo has a disorder. he can't see-"

Nope nope nope, too late! Papyrus was always coming up behind Doggo. And in true Papyrus fashion, he popped up loudly and suddenly.

"HI!!!"

Doggo's immediate reaction was calm and collected.

"BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK! DANGER DANGER BARK BARK WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK!"

So... loud...

And Sans was gone.

"SANS!!! WAIT!!!" Papyrus frantically called out after his fleeing brother. "WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!?!"

About a mile or so away did Sans stop running and practically collapse on the ground, wheezing and spluttering as Papyrus caught up to him.

"SANS, WHAT WAS THAT?" Papyrus wasn't angry at the whole ordeal, far from it. Inside, he knew that it was his fault Sans ran away. If he hadn't been so overeager... Wait, no! Don't focus on that! He needed to help his brother, not waste away in self-pity!

Speaking of his brother, Sans was... really exaggerating this, gosh.

He barely wheezed out a sentence. "hhhh... hhhh... i can't run that much, bro. hhhh..."

"OH, SHUSH, SANS! YOU TALK LIKE I'M THE ONE WHO FORCED YOU TO RUN!"

He supposed in a way, he did.

"sorry about that... hhh... hhh..."

"NO, IT'S FINE! I'M SORRY FOR TRIGGERING THAT! WHAT WAS THAT, ANYWAY?"

Sans wheezed out yet another sentence. "doggo can't... see things that aren't moving... hhh... hhh..."

Huh. Is that so? Then that means...

"SANS, DON'T YOU GET IT??? THAT MEANS I HAVE A CHANCE!!! IF UNDYNE IS WILLING TO HIRE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY LIKE THAT, THEN I CAN BE A ROYAL GUARD TOO!!! OH, THIS IS AMAZING!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

Sans miraculously recovered out of confusion and shock. "what?"

"AHH, YOU'RE BETTER!!! NOW, LET'S GO GET TO KNOW THE OTHER SENTRIES!!!"

"hm. nah. i'm still incapacitated."

"OH MY GOD, SANS, YOU'RE FINE! GET UP!"

"nope. still dying."

That smug look on his face said otherwise. Fine. If that was how he was going to play. Papyrus took Sans by the ankle and dragged him along like one of those holiday bags.

"wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

What were they called again? Suitcases?

"wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

They had a handle and go on wheels.

"wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

You see them all the time at airports.

"wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

Wait, what's an airport?

Papyrus stopped in his tracks when he saw a sign planted into the ground. It was situated right next to a giant snowball and a floor of ice. Two sentry stations sat on the other side. So, what did the sign say?

Warning: Dog Marriage.

Terrifying.

"what's so scary about a dog marriage?"

It's called sarcasm- Never mind.

"WELL, JUST IMAGINE IT!!! TWO DOGS ARE MARRIED, WHICH MEANS DOUBLE THE DOGGY TROUBLE!!!"

"and double the doggy dung."

"SANS!!!"

"what? it's true."

"UGH, AT LEAST ANTHROPOMORPHIC DOGS ARE MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN A CERTAIN DOG I KNOW!" With that sentence, Papyrus whipped his head around so fast, he snapped his neck. But that didn't affect him at all as he stared directly into a suspicious-looking bush. The little white dog that was hiding in there silently wondered how Papyrus was instantly able to find it, and slunk back into the bushes.

"COME TO THINK OF IT, AREN'T THEY SUPPOSED TO BE AT THEIR STATION?! PFFT, THEY'RE JUST AS BAD AS YOU."

"hey, don't sweat it, bro. i'm sure they're nearby. we just gotta sniff 'em out."

"YES, LIKE DOGS DO!!! THAT'S A BRILLIANT IDEA, BROTHER!!!" Dropping Sans' ankle, Papyrus got on all fours and started simultaneously sniffing and crawling around on the snowy ground until somehow, he got a 'scent'. Once he did, he stiffened up, pointing his non-existent nose in the exact direction of the bush between the sentry stations with a SPROING!!!

"AHA!!! FOLLOW MY LEAD, SANS!!! BARK BARK!!! BARK BARK!!! BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK!!!" With the energy of a golden retriever, Papyrus dashed on all fours in a circle before finally galloping to his destination.

Sans groaned, silently lamenting the fact that he's gonna have to WALK now. Reluctantly, he got off the comfortable snow and followed his golden retriever brother as he flipped and somersaulted like he just entered some kind of ninja-acrobat tournament.

With one final frontflip-backflip-triple-combo-supreme, Papyrus landed on his own two feet and sprinted towards the bush, and opened it like he just found his friend in hide-and-seek.

"AHA!!!"

Papyrus confident smile shifted into a surprised expression as he saw the Dogi passionately making out in the bushes. On duty. In their uniforms. And they looked just as surprised as Papyrus was.

With a gasp, Papyrus' eyes began to sparkle.

"AWW, THAT'S SO CUTE!!!"

And of course, Sans wasn't far behind him. "aww, that's disgusting."

Dogaressa shot up first, surprised, not embarrassed. "(What are you two doing?)"

Papyrus remained oblivious as ever. "OH, WE JUST WANTED TO GET TO KNOW OUR VERY COOL COWORKERS!!! AND PERHAPS SEE YOUR COOL AND AWESOME PUZZLES?"

Sans blinked. Puzzles? When did that come up? Of course, Papyrus is OBSESSED with puzzles. He couldn't help but smile fondly.

Dogamy stood up and chuckled. "Well, you're in luck. We have one just close by. Follow us."

It took all the puzzle lover's willpower to not squeal in front of the Royal Guard. What could he do? Flap his hands? Stomp his feet? Yes yes. He did that. Run after them because they're walking away and he had to follow them? Yep, yep, Papyrus was on that.

The brief chase quickly came to a halt when he saw his brother and the Dogi standing over a large ice rink, right next to a snowball.

"SO, WHERE'S THE PUZZLE?"

Dogamy chuckled. "This is the puzzle, Papyrus."

"WAIT, WHAT?" Papyrus gazed suspiciously at the ice rink. Surely they're joking. Surely THIS wasn't the puzzle they were talking about. Where's the spikes? Where's the flames?! Well, Papyrus didn't have any flames with his puzzle, but at least he had something to stop the human with! This is just a game!

As Dogaressa was setting up the snowball for Sans, Papyrus decided to speak up about the puzzle.

"WELL, FORGIVE ME IF I COME OFF AS A LITTLE RUDE, BUT AREN'T PUZZLES SUPPOSED TO HALT HUMANS? HOW IS THIS GOING TO STOP ANYONE?"

"(We'll demonstrate. Go ahead, Sans.)" Dogaressa pat Sans' back before stepping out of the way.

"sure thing."

One step, two step, three- SPLAT!

The slippered skeleton slipped slippingly on the slippery ice sliperringingingly. Due to the impact of the fall, the snowball was practically snow-mush. A squeaky creak (or was it a creaky squeak?) emitted from the dastardly ice as Sans slowly, slowly slid across it, flat on his face.

And he didn't move.

"SANS!!!" The worried skeleton instinctively stepped forward to get a better look at Sans' condition.

Welp. Sans shall live in the ice now.

"hehehehehehehehehehe..."

Now everything was crystal clear... or, well, ice clear. This game... It was a trap. A devious puzzle hidden under the guise of an innocent golf game. Yes... Papyrus understood now.

"INCREDIBLE!!! YOU DEVIOUS DOGS!!! YOU MUTTLEY MASTERMINDS!!! YOU PUZZLING POOCHES!!! YOU TOOK AN INNOCENT GAME AND TURNED IT ON ITS HEAD!!! YOU TRULY ARE WORTHY OF BEING ROYAL GUARDS!!!"

The married couple snickered and wheezed to themselves, covering their snoots so Papyrus couldn't hear their snorts.

"IT'S REMARKABLE..." Papyrus steeled himself and huffed. "YOU HAVE EARNED MY RESPECT, DOGI!" Little did they know, they earned his respect long ago. "BUT YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU ARE TALKING TO A TRUE PUZZLE MASTER!!!"

"more like puzzle nerd."

"SHUT UP, SANS!!! I'M TRYING TO MAKE A DRAMATIC SPEECH!!! GO BACK TO BEING A DUMMY!!!"

Sans did just that.

"I CAN BEAT YOUR PUZZLE, NO PROBLEM!!! AND I CAN PROVE IT TO YOU!!! PASS ME THE BALL!!!"

Smiling, the Dogi gave Papyrus a tennis ball that was... covered in dog drool.

"WHAT THE?! EW, NO!!!" Freaked out, Papyrus tossed the ball into the bushes. "I MEANT A SNOWBALL!!!"

"Oh, right!"

"(Our bad, Papyrus.)"

Wagging their tails, panting, and kissing each other constantly, the Dogi set up an extra large snowball for Papyrus.

"THANK YOU!!! NOW... WATCH THE GREAT PAPYRUS IN ALL HIS GLORY AS HE COMPLETES THE PUZZLE IN LESS THAN FIFTEEN SECONDS!!! AAAAAAND GO!!!"

Papyrus propelled himself on his feet as he skid around Sans, rolling the snowball with one hand.

The puzzle had minimal obstacles. A tight space, a patch of snow... It was easy peasy!

At the 10 second mark, Papyrus could see the goal in sight!

"I'M GONNA MAKE IT!!!" Papyrus beamed brightly! It was right there! He should make it under five seconds!!!

But alas...

"Bork bork!" A certain little white dog had returned to ruin his day, with the very ball the skeleton had thrown not too long ago.

"YOU!!!!" Unprepared, Papyrus proceeded to trip over the dog, just short of the goal. He slid across the ice with a squeaky squeak, or was it a creaky creak? "CURSES!!!!"

To add insult to injury, the ball just missed the goal.

Now, in usual circumstances, Papyrus would get up immediately and start chasing the dog for its insolence. But considering the fact that the Royal Guard were right there, who were also dogs, and he humiliated himself in front of them?

Yeah. Papyrus shall live in ice now.

And of course, Dogaressa was practically howling with laughter.

"(Oh goodness, you two are too silly! Here, let me show you how it's done.)"

Of course! If anyone could finish this puzzle, it was the creators!

And of paws, Dogaressa's attempt went a lot better than the brothers'.

Dogamy howled in support of his darling. "You got this, honey bun sugar plum!"

"(Never call me that again.)"

"I'll take your fleas for you!"

"(Okay, you can call me that!)"

"Bork bork!"

"(Wait, is that my ball?)"

And that, dear audience, is where Dogaressa's finest hour came to a sharp end.

"(WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF-)"

Squeak! Crash!

Having a heavy, armoured Royal Guard dog on top of him wasn't in Papyrus' plans, but he supposed he could fit it into his schedule. If only he could get Sans to access his... Wait, was he sleeping?!?!

At least one thing came out of this.

A chiptune jingle played as the insolent pup nudged Papyrus' snowball into the goal. A cyan flag slowly raised before the bone-and-dog pile, its attempt at assuring them backfiring into mockery.

And to top it all off, Sans was still giggling at the whole thing.

Yup. This was a disaster.

--------

"you did great, bro."

"YOU REALLY THINK SO?"

"yeah, you got further than me."

"THAT DOESN'T SAY MUCH, SANS."

"yeah, but out of everyone, you got the closest to your goal. if that dog didn't come, you would've done it."

"I KNOW! THAT STUPID DOG!!!"

"hey, take it easy. no need to be so ruff on yourself."

"...SANS."

"come on, you're smiling."

"NO, I'M NOT!!!"

"you are! come on, you can't hide it from me."

"SANS, I SWEAR TO THE DELTA RUNE, DON'T DO THAT!!!"

"come on, where's my happy papy?"

"SANS, NO!!!"

"wheeeeere's my happy papy?"

"SAHAHAHAHAHANS!!!!"

Just the exchange the brothers needed after a game of humiliation and denial of triumph. Papyrus didn't want Sans to know that he was cheering him up. Unspoken brotherly law. But the light tickles Sans was giving his spine made it super difficult for him to stay grumpy.

"SAHAHAHANS! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WOHORKING!!!" With that, Papyrus gently pushed his mischievous brother to the snowy ground. "STOP IT!!!"

Sans was too amused to care about being knocked down. "looks like i found him."

A reluctant smile slipped onto the taller skeleton's face. Emotional support brother, indeed.

It's been a while since they were able to have this. This was it. The reason why Papyrus set Sans up to be on the same job as him. And judging by Sans' behaviour, it was a good decision on his part. Just one more victory for the Great Papyrus!

Unfortunately, the moment was interrupted by a strong stench. A strong, cheesy, meaty stench that overwhelmed Papyrus' senses and sent him into a coughing, spluttering fit.

"EUGH!!! SA-*COUGH COUGH COUGH* WHAT IS THA-*COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH*" Papyrus fell to his knees as tears welled up in his eye sockets. Spotting the signs of an instant shutdown, Sans rushed to Papyrus and grabbed his scarf. He gently pressed the scarf against his suffering brothers' nasal cavity, all the while he resisted his own overwhelming urge to protect himself from the stench.

"hey, it's okay. it's okay, bro. hold me."

Still coughing a little, Papyrus placed one arm under Sans' femurs and lifted him off the ground. Given their height difference, it made it much easier for Sans to block Papyrus' ever so sensitive nasal cavity while his brother recovered.

"cheese, that's bad."

With a final cough, Papyrus quickly recovered. "I'D LIKE TO MEAT THIS DISGUSTING PUPETRATOR!!!"

"okay, just keep holding onto me. we'll figure out the sauce."

The worst smelling sauce stench the brothers had ever known. And they were going in together, as they always would.

Using Sans' not-as-sensitive sniffer, the brothers followed the stench to a stench-try station. Doggo's sentry station. And there he was, puffing up dog treats like a factory pumps out harmful chemicals. Not that anyone in the underground ever had access to that. And these chemicals were only harmful to the soul and Papyrus' senses.

Doggo's back was turned and his eyes were closed, which had set his chances of seeing the twins as very low. Which was perfect, as Sans had a bright idea.

He whispered into Papyrus' hearing hole, "take me to the bell."

And surprisingly, Papyrus was quite quiet. Despite being so close to the source that even the scarf didn't help all that much, he was just as determined as Sans was to make it go away. Sans' hand reached for the bell.

Ding!

Doggo's ears perked up and he dropped the treat, scrambling around as the brothers ducked and hid.

"Who was that?! Where was that?! Who's there?! Are you a human?!" Doggo's head whipped back and forth so frantically it was giving him whiplash.

Behind the nearest tree, the brothers slowly peeked out to watch the dog... To watchdog the watchdog? Anyway, Doggo continued his momentary freak out until he realised that no one was there.

An idea struck Sans as Doggo sighed in relief. As soon as he got back to lighting those stinkbombs they call dog treats...

DING!

"Who?! What?! Where?! Who?! Where?! Where?! Who?! What?!"

Well, Papyrus thought. Lowercasers are notorious for being sneaky.

Covering his mouth and nasal cavity with his scarf, the ball of energy snickered as he watched his brother mess with Doggo. Of course, this only served to encourage Sans even more.

Every time Doggo went back to those treats, Sans had a new way to ring the bell.

With his foot.

With a bone attack.

Even his own nasal cavity.

Unfortunately, there was one setback for Sans...

"BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK!!!!"

Papyrus, who quickly sensed his brother's distress, pulled him away from the loud barks and covered his ossicles behind the tree. Now that his nasal cavity had been freed from sensory hell, it was Sans' turn to be pulled out.

"SANS, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!"

Doggo's barks stopped at the sound of Papyrus' voice. A deep breath... A heavy sigh...

"...Skeletons."

"...HELLO."

"...If you ring my bell like that again... I'm going to lose it."

Papyrus nodded sheepishly. "UNDERSTOOD."

"Thank you."

That glint in Sans' eyelights... Oh dear. Papyrus knew what was going to happen.

Papyrus gave Sans a look. SANS, THAT IS NOT AN INVITATION. DON'T DO IT.

Sans gave Papyrus the biggest grin ever. i'm gonna do it.

NOOOO, DON'T YOU DO IT!

c'mon, you know you wanna.

OH, I DO, BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET IN TROUBLE!

when have we ever not gotten in trouble?

Ding!

"Okay, that's enough!"

Suddenly, the world around them began to lose all its colour, and the brothers alongside Doggo felt more pixelated. Oh boy.

"OH, NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!"

"hhhhhhhhhh..."

Papyrus, who was never adverse to a spar or two, knew what this was. He's no stranger to the ENCOUNTER. Sans, on the other hand, was a lot more pacifistic and rarely got into fights. Papyrus knew that. And he could tell Sans was trying to make sense of what was going on. Despite all that, though, Papyrus wasn't worried. Sans is a quick learner, he should get it in about- HOLY MACARONI!!!!!

A giant blue sword flew their way.

"SANS, WATCH OUT!!!"

Acting on instinct, Papyrus dived after his brother and glomped him, holding him close to his chest. What he didn't think about was the fact that Sans was a good dodger and was literally just about to dodge the sword.

"what the? pap, let go!"

"NO, I'M SAVING YOUR LIFE!"

"by pinning me here???"

"YES!!!!"

"oh my god..."

"HOLD ON TIGHT!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

The brothers froze on the spot as the blue sword went straight through them. Absolutely no damage. None. Blue stop signs and all that.

When the twins opened their eye sockets, they could see that the world went back to normal.

"Hmph. That should teach you two."

...

"WAIT, WHAT?!"

"that was it?"

"I can hear you two shaking!"

It was true. It was hard to muffle rattling sounds once they started. And Sans and Papyrus were definitely shaken up from the false alarm. Or could you say they were rattled?

"Y-YEAH... W-WELL... I DIDN'T PRESS THE BELL, SO THERE!"

"It was more of a lesson for your brother than anything. Don't ring my bell unless you really need me."

Sans stared at the bell. From the look in his eyelights, Papyrus could tell. Sans didn't learn a thing.

"SANS, DON'T DO IT."

...

Ding!

Sans only had time to give off one last mischievous grin before Doggo tackled him to the ground.

"NYEH HEH HEH!!! KARMA!!!"

--------

Snowdin Town looked wonderful when the daylights were in the "dusk" process. The way the golden light reflected off the fresh, white snow was a sight to behold. Too bad that most of it was covered in footprints from various residents, including the two skeleton brothers.

One of them proceeded to brag to the other about his upcoming training.

"SO, SINCE I'M OBVIOUSLY A TOP TIER FIGHTER, SHE'S GOING TO GIVE ME TRAINING THAT FOCUSES ON... OTHER ASPECTS OF BEING A ROYAL GUARD."

"what? like first aid?"

"NO."

"law? boring."

"NO!!! COOKING!!!"

"...cooking."

"YES!!! SHE SAID ALL GOOD ROYAL GUARDS NEED TO KNOW HOW TO COOK!"

Something about this felt... off. But then again... "i mean, i guess it's good in case of an emergency."

"EXACTLY!!! THAT'S WHY SHE'S GIVING ME COOKING LESSONS!!! UH, I THINK SO, ANYWAY." Papyrus smiled down proudly at his tiny brother. "SAY, YOU COULD COME ALONG IF YOU LIKE! YOU COULD LEARN HOW TO BAKE WITHOUT USING VINEGAR AS A SUBSTITUTE!"

To Sans, cooking lessons sounded wonderful. But... Would he even have the time for that? Sure, he has a stable job now, but... There's also his shows... and his project. A project he's currently procrastinating on, but it was still very important. And of course, there's the hotdog stand. There's too much of a demand for him not to run it. Three jobs and a project... That didn't leave him much time.

"nah, sorry, bro. i guess i'll have to skip the lessons. too much work."

"...OH.

Sans was no idiot (most of the time) and Papyrus was not good at hiding his emotions. He noticed how his shoulders fell slightly.

Quickly responding, Sans smiled and placed a hand on Papyrus' shoulder. "hey, at least we get to work together now. we can hang out all the time now. doesn't that sound cool?"

Papyrus hummed. Even if Sans didn't come to train with him, having a job together, living together... just being together is more than enough. With that thought, Papy perked up once more.

"YEAH!!! IT SOUNDS AMAZING!!!"

"and i cut back on my little jobs too, so i could read you bedtime stories anytime you want."

Now THAT got Papyrus' eyes sparking! "REALLY?!"

Sans' only response was a chuckle, but that's all Papyrus needed to hear before he glomped him.

"OH, SANS, I'M SO HAPPY I DID THIS!!!"

"...heh." As if on autopilot, Sans wrapped his arms around Papyrus' shoulders tightly. It's as if he could just melt right here, in this spot. If he did, well, he would've melted as the happiest skeleton in the world.

The hug lasted for a while. How long? Ten seconds? Twenty seconds? It didn't matter. Not a single second was awkward, it was all just bliss.

Even when the brothers finally released each other, they still didn't let go. Sans kept his hand on Papyrus' back, and Papyrus kept his on the back of Sans' head. They walked together like this, their house in plain sight.

Just Sans and Papyrus, against the world. It's how it's always been, and how it'll always be.

"me too, papyrus. me too."

Chapter Text

A slow, somber song swept through the swampy caverns of Waterfall. It told the monsters, "Relax, my children. Come make wishes under the stones and admire the scenery. We're here to protect you. You are safe."

Contrasting that, an almost obnoxiously loud musical number pierced through the calm atmosphere and literally turned it into a theatre production for all the underground to hear. A young skeleton, clad in a brown sleeveless coat, matching orange crop top and leggings, a vermilion scarf and yellow rubber boots, had been dancing through the swamplands and singing his nonexistent heart out for about three and a half minutes at this point in time. Some skeletons had the ability to trigger musical numbers, even in the most inappropriate of places. And unfortunately for those who aren't a fan of musicals, this skeleton was one of them. And he was a particularly flamboyant one at that.

However, a stroke of good luck ensured that he was about to end his song just as he came up to the giant fish that's somehow classified as a house.

"AND IT WON'T BE SO HARD,
TO ASSUME THAT I'LL BE MOST FAMOUS, TRULY FABULOUS,
LOYAL ROYAL GUAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRD!!!"

Wow, what a number.

But thank goodness it's over already.

However, just to show that Papyrus enjoyed all types of music, he demonstrated a dance move known to be associated with metalheads on Undyne's fishy fish house door. Headbanging.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!

Headbanging on the door.

Headbanging on the air.

Almost headbanging Undyne.

"Whoa!"

"WHOOPSY DOOPSY!!! HELLO, UNDYNE!!!"

"Hey, Papyrus!" Undyne laughed to herself. "Are you ready for your super secret, extra private, one-on-one cooking lesson?"

Papyrus opened his mouth excitedly and just let it hang there as his words failed him. Oh yeah. Cooking lesson. How could he have forgotten so soon?

"Uhh, Papyrus?"

Undyne had never seen a skeleton so still before. Well... she had, but they were in the king's closet.

Confused and a little curious, she "gently" prodded Papyrus' forehead to see if he'd react. At least it kickstarted something.

"COOKING!!!"

...Another prod.

"LESSON!!!"

...

Yeah, she just dragged him inside.

The interior of the house was what snapped Papyrus out of his momentary shock. There was no area that wasn't flooded with colour, from the walls to the flooring and even the rug. Undyne really liked colour combinations that pop, which Papyrus figured made sense. A stimulated person needed a stimulating environment to prepare for a stimulating job, after all!

"WOWIE..." Papyrus' eyes glowed as he processed all of this colour. It's wonderful, and garish, and kind of an eyesore to the more refined eye. Papyrus would call himself pretty refined, but he doesn't have eyes, so...

"Well! Let's get started! Fuhuhu!" Undyne 'confidently' wandered towards the cupboards and looked around. Surely, there's gotta be something... Something something...

Ramen noodles? No, too simple.

Bread? What is she going to do with bread? Make toast???

Spaghetti?

...

Spaghetti. Sure. She can teach him spaghetti. She definitely knows how to cook pasta. This definitely wasn't the first time she ever cooked pasta, and she definitely didn't soak the noodles in for so long that they got soggy and inedible and she had to order takeaway, no! She... She knows what she's doing. She's the Captain of the Royal Guard. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING.

Undyne, who definitely knew what she was doing (remember that), flashed Papyrus a large toothy grin. "Right! So, let's start off with something simple. You ever heard of, uh..." She glanced at the spaghetti packet in her hand. "...Spaghetti?"

"NO."

Was he being sarcastic or sincere? Undyne couldn't tell. "Well, you're in luck, because we're going to be cooking! It!"

...

"Okay, Papyrus! Get some vegetables out the fridge, would ya?"

"AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!!!"

Papyrus opened the fridge and... Oh. It's almost barren. Where's the meats? Where's the milk? Where's the- Oh, there's the tomatoes. But what about the rest? Oh, well. He'll just take a banana.

"UM... UNDYNE, WHERE'S THE FOOD?"

"I hate cold food, so I just put it in the pantry."

Papyrus glanced over at one of the larger cupboards. Come to think of it, one of them did have a distinct smell of... rotting meat.

"UNDYNE..." The trainee opened the cupboard and was immediately hit with the stench of rotting meats. Why, oh why was the universe out to assault his senses?!?!

Holding his breath, the lanky skeleton grabbed the meat and put it in the trash can.

"Hey!!!"

"SORRY, UNDYNE, BUT THEY'VE GONE BAD!!! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF PROPER MEAT STORAGE?"

Undyne pouted. She did NOT feel like being the student. That's Papyrus' job. And it's a miracle how he didn't lose faith in her even after that.

"Uh, thanks? Anyway, did you get the vegetables?"

"RIGHT HERE, UNDYNE!!!"

Undyne glanced over to find a pile of tomatoes, bananas, grapes... and lettuce. Well... one out of four of those were actually vegetables. Not the best, but she can work with that.

"Excellent work! Now, just... uh..." The disgruntled captain took out a frying pan from the cupboard. "Mash them with this... mashing thing!"

Papyrus raised an eyebrow smugly as he took the pan. "DON'T YOU MEAN FRYING PAN?"

"Yes, whatever! Just smash it!!! I'll go fill a pot with water!"

"BUT..." As Papyrus glanced at the innocent little tomato, an overwhelming amount of empathy welled up inside of him. "WHAT IF I JUST... PET THE TOMATO? SANS ALWAYS SAID THE BEST MEALS ARE MADE WITH LOVE..."

"Oh, come ON, Papyrus!" This was the whole reason why Undyne started this stupid cooking lesson in the first place. Now she was more determined than ever to make this work. "It's just a tomato! We eat those every day! Just do it!!!

"OKAY... HERE I GO..."

Papyrus lifted the pan up to smash the "vegetables"... But just as he was about to-

CLANG!!!

"EEK!!! WHAT THE?!?!"

"What?"

"N-NOTHING!!!" Papyrus looked over at the pot. How she managed to make a dent in it by slamming it into the sink upside down was... a mystery. Nonetheless, Papyrus started mashing the veggiefruit with the frying pan... instead of, you know, being a normal person and chopping it up.

"Papyrus!!!"

"WHA- YES???" Her theme song shot through his skull, and he thought HE had a powerful presence!

"What are you waiting for? Put the noodles in the pot!"

"Y-YES, SIR!!!" Ditching the frying pan and letting it drop to the floor with a CLANG, the skelestudent proceeded to grab the pack of noodles and slammed it in, still with the packet on. It was only after glancing at it for a second that he realised his mistake.

"WAIT!!!" He removed the packet and did it right this time.

Undyne huffed a slight laugh. "Nice one, Papyrus! I'm impressed!"

"R-REALLY?!"

"Hell, yeah!!! Now..." Undyne passed him a spatula for some reason. "Stir the pot as fast as you can and TURN! UP! THE! HEAT!"

"OKAY, DA- UNDYNE!!!" Grabbing the spatula with no time to correct her, Papyrus stirred. And stirred. And stirred and stirred and stirred and noodles were going everywhere and he didn't care he just stirred!

He only stopped when boiling hot water splashed all over his face.

"NYEH HEH HEH!!! I FEEL SO ALIVE!!!"

"That's the spirit!!! Fuhuhuhuhu!!!" Undyne was also splashed with hot water, but that didn't deter her! "Okay, remember the last step?"

"TURN UP THE HEAT!!!" Papyrus twisted the dial and the stovetop set itself ablaze.

"Yes!!! Turn it up higher!!!"

"YES!!!" Twist.

"Even higher!!!!!"

Twist.

"HIGHER!!!!!!"

The twisting never ends. The heat never ends. The pot melted against the stove.

"Wait, too m-"

A flash of white light blinded both Undyne and Papyrus.

...

The next time they opened their eyes, the room was completely on fire.

...

What had she done?

What was she thinking? Giving someone a cooking lesson?? Instead of turning them down??? For what? All because she didn't want to crush his dreams?

This... This was just a nightmare.

She was gonna have to call the fire department! She was going to have to explain all this to the fire department!

...

Cooking. Out of all the things she could have started teaching him. Piano. Crochet. Any sport in the world. Why. Did she have to teach... cooking?

...

She was screwed.

"OHOHOH MY GOD!!! UNDYNE!!! IS THIS WHAT YOU MEANT BY HAVING A FIRE IN OUR HEARTS??? I DIDN'T THINK YOU MEANT IT LITERALLY!!! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!"

Undyne didn't move. How was she going to explain this?

"UM... HAHA... UNDYNE?"

...

"OKAY, I'M JUST GOING TO CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT."

The warrior didn't answer. She didn't even realise until after the fact that Papyrus literally carried her outside and called the fire department, finished spaghetti dish on a plate on his very head.

"OKAY, UNDYNE! THE FIRE DEPARTMENT IS ON ITS WAY!!! IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU, I'LL JUST BE HEADING HOME!!! THANK YOU FOR THE COOKING LESSON, BY THE WAY!!!"

...

"Yeah. Sure."

At least she spoke.

"WELL, THEN!!! SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, UNDYNE!!!"

As several water-based monsters showed up to her house, Papyrus walked away proudly with his burnt fruity spaghetti disasterpiece... on his head.

"I WONDER IF SANS IS UP YET."

Well, even if the lesson didn't go as planned, Undyne couldn't deny that hanging out with Papyrus was going to be a lot more fun than she hoped for.

Oh, yeah. She's definitely going to start planning her next cooking lesson.

Chapter Text

Ah, the late morning. The time for overworked lazy folk to finally get up after a nice lie-in and have their brother cook for them. And it's particularly pleasant and exciting for both brothers, since Sans knew that Papyrus had been waiting to show off his skills since yesterday's cooking lesson. Sans had been in the middle of one of his little comas, though, so sadly, he was unable to eat Papyrus', um, "delicious" spaghetti meal. It didn't matter, though. It was apparently easy to replicate, according to him.

Thankfully, nothing burned down this time.

"hey, bro." Sans called out for what had to be the gazillionth time. He couldn't help it if he was so excited to see his brother's cooking skills he's even bouncing his leg and clapping his lap with a big, cheesy grin on his face! "is it ready yet?"

"IN A MINUTE, SANS!!! I JUST HAVE TO PUT ON THE FINISHING TOUCHES!!!"

Papyrus didn't sound annoyed. In fact, he sounded just as excited as Sans was about this meal! If that's the case, then it had to be good! Perhaps he could even eat at home more instead of going to Grillby's for all of his meals! That's perfect! He was craving something different lately. Just the thought of it made Sans' leg bounce faster and his grin grow wider.

As Papyrus took out the plate, Sans' eyes brightened into large stars. "oh boy oh boy oh boy! this is gonna be so good!"

Sans' excitement was instantly dashed the moment he saw what exactly was on that plate.

Was... Was this supposed to be spaghetti?

"TA DA!!!" Papyrus puffed out his chest proudly and laid the black and yellow mush on Sans' lap. It looked like someone took a dump on some charcoal. No, actually, it looked like a dog threw up on a pile of ash. Wait, no! It looked like a dragon coughed up the world's largest hairball and started serving it in the cafeteria of a dragon school, but even the dragon kids hated it because it didn't even qualify as food, but then for some reason, the hairball started to hatch and put spawned a hairy dragon chick and it took a large dump inside the egg and this was what was left behind.

"...wow. that looks so... uh... distinctive."

"THANK YOU!!!" Papyrus laughed and stomped on the carpet with glee. Sans' mood lifted ever so slightly while he watched Papyrus' arms whirl around. "UNDYNE TAUGHT ME HOW TO MAKE IT PERSONALLY!!! SHE SAID BEING ABLE TO COOK IS AN IMPORTANT SKILL TO HAVE WHEN YOU'RE A ROYAL GUARD!!! SO IT'S MY DUTY TO BE THE BEST CHEF I CAN POSSIBLY BE!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

"oh, uh, cool... and, uh, what's... what's undyne's skill level with cooking?"

"OH, LET'S JUST SAY SHE KNOWS HOW TO LIGHT A FIRE! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

And there went Sans' eyelights. He knew what that meant. He hoped her house was alright.

"oh, uh..." How to get out of this, how to get out of this. "w-well, i just realised that... uhh..."

"YES?"

"well, um..." Oh god Papyrus is crouching down at his level. "y-you see, i just remembered that..." Beads of sweat slid down his forehead. "err..."

Papyrus' eye sockets were so large they rivalled Sans' own. "YES, BROTHER? YOU KNOW HOW EXCITED I WAS WHEN I REALISED I CAN FINALLY FEED US BOTH? I SHALL WORK SO HARD ON ALL MY DISHES THAT YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE TO GO HUNGRY AGAIN!"

"but... we- you didn't have to do that, we weren't going hungry..."

"YEAH, BUT NEITHER OF US COULD COOK BEFORE! AND NOW I CAN, I CAN MAKE YOU ALL THESE WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL MEALS!!! I'VE EVEN BEEN RESEARCHING ALL THE PASTAS SO I COULD LEARN TO MAKE MANY DISTINCTIVE DISHES!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!! THERE'S A LOT MORE PASTA THAN I INITIALLY THOUGHT."

Not the puppy Papy eyes, Sans can never handle the puppy Papy eyes! It was already working too. Guilt settled where Sans' stomach should be. And he was being so sincere too.

"SO YOU SEE, I WAS JUST AS EXCITED FOR THIS AS YOU WERE, BROTHER!!! GO AHEAD!!! TRY IT!!!"

Well... There goes Sans' escape plan. Rattling slightly, Sans shakily stabbed the thick black and yellow mush with his petite little fork and made sure to avoid the 'sauce' as much as possible. He tried to make out the tomatoes and... oh god was that BANANA??? Well, that explained the yellow mushy texture!

Oh well. Here goes nothing... Sans' smile wobbled continuously as he tried to absorb the "spaghetti".

It tasted just how it looked.

"hrk-!!!"

"OH, BROTHER!!! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!?! WAS THE TASTE REALLY THAT SURPRISING TO YOU?!?!"

Sans nodded and gave Papyrus a shaky thumbs up. Papyrus didn't even notice how Sans' magic refused to absorb the 'food'. It was absolutely inedible. Not that the disaster chef observed that fact, anyway.

"OH MY GOD!!! THAT MEANS... THAT MEANS YOU LOVE IT!!!" Papyrus' squeal pierced through Sans' lack of ears. Usually when it comes to Papyrus, Sans was used to his loud volume, but not this time. Not this time.

Speaking of Papyrus, he proceeded to breakdance in the middle of the room. "OH MY GOD!!! I'M GOING TO COOK FOR YOU EVERY DAY, THIS IS AMAZING!!! THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE, YES YES YES!!!"

Honestly, seeing Papyrus breakdance like that made Sans smile. If there was one thing that can cheer him up, it's watching a very happy, goofy Papyrus being himself. And it served a welcome distraction for him too, because while Papyrus was getting it down, Sans used his magic to zap the so-called spaghetti away, leaving bits of 'pasta' and 'sauce' behind to make it look like he ate it.

The taller brother was shocked once he got up only to see an empty plate in Sans' lap.

"WOWIE!!! YOU REALLY LOVED IT!!! LOOK AT HOW FAST YOU ATE THE SPAGHETTI!!! OH MY GOD!!!"

Sans was all to eager to get rid of the plate when he passed it to Papyrus. Yes, Papyrus. Get it out of his sight.

"I'M GOING TO COOK EVERY SINGLE DAY NOW!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

Where, oh where did he go so very, very wrong?

So much for not eating at Grillby's anymore...

...

Oh, well! TV time! Let's see what old 30's show was on this week. Perhaps one of those old comedy shorts? Sans loved those.

Instead, what came on was decidedly more... modern. And new...

"OHHHH YESSSS!!!"

"eek!" Sans turned the volume right down. He was NOT expecting that jumpscare.

What was supposed to be a silly silent film was replaced by a loud calculator box looking... THING rolling around the screen. Was Sans annoyed by this? No, not really. Any distraction from that meal was a welcome one, after all. Besides, he was curious.

"HELLO, BEAUTIES AND GENTLEBEAUTIES! YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING, 'OH! WHERE'S ALL MY BORING SHOWS AND LACKLUSTER ENTERTAINMENT?' WELL, LET ME BE THE FIRST TO TELL YOU THAT ALL OF THAT JUNK IS CANCELLED FOREVER! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Well, that was a nice way to break the news.

The new voice must have gotten Papyrus' attention too, because it didn't take him long to come out of the kitchen by the sound of it.

"HEY, SANS, WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?" The only response he had was an invitation to sit with him. Once he tuned in, he finally spotted the face(?) behind the voice. "OH."

"FROM NOW ON, MONSTER ENTERTAINMENT IS GOING TO IMPROVE! THANKS TO ME, METTATON, YOU WILL HAVE REAL DRAMA! REAL BLOODSHED! REAL INTRIGUE! ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, FROM THE BREAK OF DAWN TO THE LATE, LATE NIGHTS! OHHH, YES!!!"

The way the robot was zipping around the screen and advertising all these new shows... The brothers couldn't look away.

"AND THAT'S NOT ALL!"

Ooh, boy.

"IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME IN PERSON, I'M MAKING MY BIG DEBUT AT A ♪LIVE SHOW♪, ONLY IN T H E C O R E IN HOTLAND! AND THE BEST PART? IT'S COMPLETELY FREE, DARLING! STARTING AT 8PM FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY! DON'T MISS IT, OR YOU'LL MISS ME!"

"wow. he, uh, really knows how to make a spectacle of himself, doesn't he?" Sans chuckled lightheartedly, ready to make fun of these upcoming shows like they do with their old shows. But when Papyrus didn't respond, Sans' bonebrows furrowed in slight worry. "bro?"

Despite the commercial being over, Papyrus' eyes were still fixated on the screen. Almost as if he was mesmerised by what he was looking at.

"WE MUST SEE IT."

"must?"

In a flash, Papyrus grabbed Sans' shoulders and shook him like a maraca. "WE MUST SEE IT!!!"

--------

To Papyrus, Hotland was a lot more bearable when it has two things: a working elevator, and a good brother to help you with the puzzles. Not that he needed help with puzzles, of course. But he was able to handle the confusing lasers and air vents much better with Sans around... and there were no spiders to encounter this time!

Having his brother around also made the journey a lot better because he actually listened to what Papyrus has to say, unlike puzzles, which are obviously not sentient. Therefore, he was able to listen to Papyrus about the many many types and shapes of pasta that he was intensely fixating on since his first cooking lesson. In alphabetical order. In different categories.

"LASAGNETTE AND LASAGNOTTE ARE TWO VERY DISTINCT TYPES OF PASTA FROM LASAGNE!"

"yeah? how's that?"

Using Papyrus as a floating stepladder, Sans reached out to the switch on the other side of the puzzle and flicked it with a bone attack, turning off all the lasers.

"LASAGNETTE IS MORE NARROW THAN REGULAR LASAGNE WHILE LASAGNOTTE IS LONGER! LASAGNETTE ALSO TEND TO HAVE RIDGES!"

"ah, i see." Timing the moving laser just right, the brothers held hands as they let the blue laser pass through them. "so what about linguine, then?"

"I'M GETTING TO THAT! IT'S JUST FLAT SPAGHETTI, NOTHING SPECIAL!"

"of course."

The brothers flicked two switches at the same time to open a door.

"I DOUBT YOU'VE HEARD OF MACCHERONI ALLA MOLINARA!!!"

"huh. i haven't, actually. what's that?"

"WELL, ITS TRANSLATION IS 'THE MILLER'S WIFE'S PASTA'! IT'S LONG AND THICK AND YOU PULL IT WITH YOUR HANDS!"

"neat. maybe you should cook it sometime."

"I WILL!!! ONCE I'VE GOT THE SPAGHETTI RECIPE DOWN, OF COURSE!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

Sans wanted to throw up in his mouth. Wait, can skeletons actually do that?

The bridge leading to the stage was oddly nostalgic to walk across. Eh, don't think about it.

"OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!!! WE SHOULD TRY TO GET FRONT ROW SEATS!!!" Papyrus nodded towards Sans, who put a couple of earplugs in and gave Papyrus a thumbs up. Papyrus took it as a signal to open the door and walk in and... the room was packed full of monsters.

Well... There's no chance for them to get front row seats. They'd be lucky to even sit next to each other!

"OVER THERE!!!" Papyrus pointed to a couple of empty seats near the back. Grabbing his brother, he darted towards them.

"whoa, pap!"

"SANS, WE HAVE TO SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!" He said, before slam-dunking his brother in one of the chairs so hard he almost broke his tailbone.

"ow..."

"QUIET, SANS!!! THE SHOW'S ABOUT TO BEGIN!!!"

After one last groan from Sans, the lights dimmed. Mist spewed out of the ground, leaving a silhouette in the midst of it. The silhouette was not particularly tall, about the same height as Papyrus at most. But from his presence, it definitely felt like it should be much taller. The voice from the commercial boomed out of it.

"BEAUTIES AND GENTLEBEAUTIES! TONIGHT, WE ARE MAKING HISTORY!" On cue, the crowd whooped and hollered out to him. Him. It's definitely a him. "FOR I BET YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF A CELEBRITY QUITE LIKE ME BEFORE! KING ASGORE? UNDYNE? OH, THEY ARE GREAT. BUT THEY HAVEN'T REACHED STARDOM BEFORE, HAVE THEY? HAVE THEY?"

"No?"

"EXACTLY! TONIGHT, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, YOU WILL WITNESS THE FIRST EVER PERFORMANCE OF YOUR FIRST EVER ENTERTAINING ROBOTIC CELEBRITY!"

Sans sat, fascinated by the amount of murmuring in the audience.

"NOW PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR..." The mist swirled down, revealing the robotic guy from the commercial. He struck a dramatic pose. "ME!"

Before the crowd even had a chance to cheer again, a poppy yet synthetic soundtrack started playing. Yup. Song time.

"All your sad little faces, blended in the crowd,

Pitiful lives full of boredom, no joy to be found,

Well, let me be the solution you are waiting for,

For once I'm done, you'll be shouting, 'METTATON, MORE!'"

Platforms floated down from the ceiling as the robotic celebrity rolled onto them with his single wheel. How did he manage to stay in place as the platforms floated around? And they seemed like they were designed to allow him to get in the crowd's face as well.

"So come on down, I've got the cure,

Game shows, cooking, movies and more,

It's what you've been dying for,

And I'm always here for another encore!"

Mettaton practically swan dived off of the platforms. Out of nowhere, a pole shot up from the center of the stage, which he managed to grab like some sort of acrobat at the circus. He swung around, he spun, and did as many acrobatic feats a robot was capable of, all in the name of showing off to the crowd.

"It's coming up me!

It's coming up me!

A celebrity in the spotlight,

Suddenly the world feels just right,

You need a show,

You need some drama,

It's what you're after,

So with that I'll say, repeat after me!

M-E-T-T-A-T-O-N,

M-E-T-T-A-T-O-N,

M-E-T-T-A-T-O-N,

Mettaton, it's Mettaton!"

As if it was magic (and it very well must be), the crowd caught wind and started singing along.

"M-E-T-T-A-T-O-N,

M-E-T-T-A-T-O-N,"

"It's coming up me!

It's coming up Mettaton, it's Mettaton!"

Despite the earplugs doing a great job at blocking out the noise, Sans still ended up overstimulated somehow. Perhaps it was the flashing lights and the constantly shifting colours and platforms and Mettaton's over-the-top performance, but something inside the short skeleton made him want to look anywhere but the stage. Eventually, his eyes shifted over to a window high above the stage. The tech booth. And through the glass, he could just about see a familiar figure. A familiar pointy-headed figure through tinted glass. Gosh, Sans would do anything to get up there. Eh, what's stopping him?

With one last glance at Papyrus, who was on the edge of his seat and flapping his arms with a big dopey grin on his face, Sans slunk away to go see the ever so "mysterious" technician in the booth.

As he peeked around the door, he spotted Alphys sitting at a panel with all kinds of buttons. Fancy. But he noticed something else with her. Something she's wearing.

"whoa, is that a lab coat?"

Alphys started. "GAH! Oh! S-Sans! Hi!"

"sorry 'bout that." His smile reached his eye sockets. "so, i'm guessing you got the job, huh?"

Her smile reached her eyes in turn. "Yeah! It actually really surprised me!"

"what? it surprised ya? it didn't surprise me."

"Oh, you!" She briefly shot him a playful glare as Sans laughed.

"what? i was just gonna talk about how your position was made for ya."

"You're too nice! Stop!"

"oh, am i now?" Alphys rolled her eyes as she struggled to reach a button Sans was close to. Sans nonchalantly pressed it for her, and colourful mist sprayed out on Mettaton's stage.

"Um, yes!" She activated a mechanism that allowed a trapeze to fall into the room for Mettaton to use. What kind of theatre was this? "Meanie!"

"heh heh. so, a robot with a soul, huh? how'd you pull THAT off? i thought souls couldn't be artificially made."

The room felt deathly cold all of a sudden. Where was Alphys' smile? Why was she making even less eye contact than usual? Why was there a sudden... wrongness in the air?

"al?"

She refused to look at him. Unease filled Sans' ribs. Was she hiding something from him? The thought of that turned Sans' unease into a sting.

"hey, uh... is there something you're not-"

"N-No! No! E-Everything's fine, I just did it! I don't know if I can replicate it, but I did it! That's all you need to know! Hahahahaha! Haha..."

This girl really couldn't make herself sound more obvious if she tried. And as a result, curiosity wasn't the only thing tightening its grip on Sans' soul. He looked out the window of the booth to watch the robot with a soul as he rallied the crowd to sing along with him once again.

"Mettaton!"

"The highlights..."

"Mettaton!"

"It feels just right!"

"Mettaton!"

"Above the crowd!"

"We love you, Mettaton!"

Those movements, that voice... They all sounded way too lifelike for the robot to just be an ordinary robot. Wouldn't robots be more... robotic? Something wasn't adding up here. He definitely acts like he has a soul. But then, why was Alphys acting so evasive. Sans decided to probe a little.

"heh, wow. he's really lifelike. however you did it, he's definitely not soulless, is he?"

"N-No... He's not." The shy lizard bit her lip nervously as Sans continued probing. Did she catch on to his probing?

Nonetheless, Sans made it a point to lean on his elbow as casually as possible to look more nonchalant. "heh, you know, you might've just about made history here, alphys. an artificial monster soul? that's gotta shake the world. ain't that right?"

He caught a wince. "Y-Yeah..."

The skeleton hoped she didn't catch onto his narrow eye sockets. Luckily for him, she seemed to be too focused on the special effects to notice. "you know, i bet you would look really cool in a history book. imagine, 'alphys alpha, the first monster to ever create an artificial soul.' you'll be on the news."

A scoff. "Mettaton will be the news."

"true."

It wasn't working. She was still too closed off. Disguising a sigh as a regular exhale, Sans zoned out at the crowd, watching his brother bounce and sing along.

"METTATON, IT'S METTATON!!!"

"heh, at least papyrus is happy."

"Y-Yeah. He is... They all are."

"It's coming up me!

It's coming up me!

It's coming up me!"

"M-E-T-T-A-T-O-N,

M-E-T-T-A-T-O-N,

M-E-T-T-A-T-O-N,

Mettaton, it's Mettaton!"

Thundering applause filled the room. Now that the song was done, perhaps Sans could get some more answers- and she's gone.

Just straight up disappeared.

Huh.

--------

"BREAKFAST IS READY!!!"

Oh god, how did it look worse than last time? Sans wanted to sink into the couch and hide away from this monstrosity Papyrus dared to call spaghetti.

"HERE YOU ARE, BROTHER!!! UNDYNE'S BEEN TEACHING ME HOW TO MAKE MEATBALLS!!!"

The smaller brother winced as he picked at the ball of coal on his plate. "uh huh." Reluctantly, he stabbed the spaghetti with his fork, only to find that the entire meal stuck together like one big lump of dried up-

"WELL, I WOULD LOVE TO STAY AND SEE YOUR REACTION, BUT I'VE GOT TO SEE A DOG ABOUT A HORSE- WAIT, NO, IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND. A HORSE ABOUT A DOG. WAIT, WAS HE EVEN A HORSE? PERHAPS THAT WAS JUST MY IMAGINATION. HOW SILLY OF ME!!!"

Seeing this opportunity, Sans flung the fork and...

CRASH!!! There went the window!

The disaster chef screeched in terror and immediately whipped around to see a guilty-looking Sans, an empty plate, and a broken window.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!"

Oh god, he was sweating bullets. "uhh... the dog?"

...

"THAT BLASTED CANINE!!!"

The tension sapped out of Sans' body so fast, he almost forgot how to breathe. It was then that a very grumpy Papyrus sat next to him, grumbling about dogs and bones and whatever.

"hey, it's nothing the great papyrus can't handle, right?"

"TRUE... BUT IT IS VERY ANNOYING. LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, LIKE METTATON!!!"

"oh, boy..."

"WHAT?! YOU'VE SEEN HIS SHOW!!! THE LIGHTS, THE SONGS, THE SPECIAL EFFECTS!!! I WANTED TO STAY THERE ULNA-IGHT, BUT NOOOOO, IT HAD TO END AT 11PM FOR SOME REASON!!!"

"well, even robots need to recharge."

"HE'S SO LIFE-LIKE, I FORGET HE'S EVEN A ROBOT AT ALL, TO BE HONEST!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!"

Sans nodded in agreement, because really, he did agree. His mind drifted back to yesterday's conversation with Alphys. How she was so evasive. Well, even more evasive than normal. Why did he get this itchy feeling that she's hiding something from him? The more he thought about it, the more that itchy feeling turned into a burn. That oh so familiar burn of just wanting to know MORE. There's got to be a reason why she's hiding like this. No one lies to Sans. No one.

He found it hard to focus on what Papyrus was saying. Something to do with merchandise and action figures. At least he knows what to get him. As important as Papyrus was, Sans had other things to investigate. And where else to start than Alphys' new home?

--------

The lab had never felt this... lived in before. Boxes scattered everywhere, the upstairs had been turned into a bedroom... The fridge was already full of ramen.

note to self, take alphys out to eat sometime.

The only thing missing was the actual resident, but knowing her, she was probably-

BONK!

Sans groaned as he rubbed his poor nasal cavity. What did he just walk into?

He looked up to find that it wasn't a what he walked into, it was a who.

"OH MY! WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?"

"...mettaton?"

"IN THE NUTS AND BOLTS, DARLING! OH, GET OFF THE FLOOR, YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF COVERED IN DIRT!" The celebrity robot picked Sans up by the scruff of his grey hoodie and gently placed him back on his feet. Huh. That was oddly gentle for a robot. He then proceeded to dust Sans off methodically. "THAT'S BETTER. NOW TELL ME, DEAR, WHY ARE YOU HERE? DID YOU WANT TO SEE MORE OF THIS?"

Pose! Pose! Pose!

"actually, i'm looking for alphys."

Mettaton struck a different pose. "IS THAT SO? OH, I UNDERSTAND. YOU'RE ALPHYS' LITTLE NERD FRIEND, RIGHT?" He chortled.

"she talked about me, huh?"

A different pose. "ONCE OR TWICE."

Sans hummed to himself. If he wanted to figure out what was happening with Alphys and her secrecy about Mettaton, why not get some information from the 'robot' himself? As the idea sunk into his head, Sans let his shoulders lax and smile grow, almost as if he WASN'T secretly investigating Alphys like an agent.

"heh, she's pretty great, ain't she? a real pal."

Mettaton posed like one of Sans' French girls. "OH YES! SHE CERTAINLY KNOWS HOW TO BUILD A ROBOT!"

"yup, she's great at building calculators on wheels."

Somehow, Mettaton was flexible enough to lay on his front and still look up at Sans. "WATCH IT, TINY."

"watch what? watch your show?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, SHORT STUFF." He put his finger to his 'face' to emphasise his 'pout.' "WHAT DO YOU NEED HER FOR, ANYWAY? WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WITH IDOLS LIKE ME?"

"i think i've had enough of idolising people for a lifetime. besides, idols are more often than not just people who are trying their best."

"...WOW. YOU ARE WEIRD."

"heh, thanks." Something lit up in Sans' mind. "say, you don't idolise alphys, do you?"

"OH MY! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I WOULD CALL HER A FAITHFUL FRIEND, BUT NOT AN IDOL!"

Sans' smug grin made a comeback. "who needs friends, huh?"

"OH, SHUSH! I KNOW I'M HYPOCRITICAL, SO WHAT? I'M A STAR! AND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF ALPHYS THAT MY DREAMS CAME TRUE!"

His dreams? Since when did robots have dreams? If he took what the show stated at face value, then Mettaton was merely just an entertainment robot... with a soul. But if that were the case, would he just be programmed with hopes and dreams? That's some... odd programming on Alphys' part. Oh, well. Couldn't hurt to double check.

"hehe, hopes and dreams, cute. mind sharing a little more about 'em?"

"HMM..." A dramatic pose.

"i'd love to hear alllllll about you."

"ALL ABOUT ME?! WELL, THEN!" He twirled around on his wheel and summoned a spotlight onto himself. Oh, how his metallic paint glistens in the spotlight... It was mesmerising. "EVER SINCE I WAS BUT A HUMBLE SNAIL FARMER, I HAVE DREAMED OF STARDOM. BUT ONE DAY, A SMALL LIZARD GIRL CAME UP TO ME AND OFFERED A WAY TO HELP ME CLIMB THE LADDER TO STARDOM. AND SO, I..."

Eureka! A snail farmer! If he was built as an entertainment robot, why would he talk about being a snail farmer?

"...AND MY DIARIES SHALL LAST TO TELL THE TALE OF MY RISE TO FAME! IN MY OLD HOUSE... IN WATERFALL... OH, WAIT."

And there it was. The proof that Sans needed to make sure it wasn't just programming. His body language, the way his lights dialed down... He messed up. He slipped, and they both knew it.

"...OF COURSE, DARLING, I KNOW THAT WAS JUST, ER, PROGRAMMING! NOTHING ELSE TO SEE HERE, HA HA HA. TOODLES!"

And with that, he zipped away, leaving a Mettaton-shaped hole in the Mettaton-shaped wall.

"heh. sure, buddy. whatever you say."

Whatever he said, indeed. At least now Sans had a lead. He didn't need that poser anymore. Um, metaphorically speaking.

--------

If there was one word Sans would use to describe the snail farm, it would be... lifeless. It looked the same as it always did, but something felt... broken. Like something that should be here isn't and because of it, everything came to a standstill. The heavy atmosphere started weighing on Sans' shoulders as he sauntered past the snails in their pen. And the closer he came up to the two houses, the heavier the atmosphere got.

What happened here?

It's almost as if this place was haunted by-

"ooooooooooooo............"

...Okay, maybe not that.

Fading into visibility was a sweet little bedsheet ghost watering the (dying) flowers outside of one of the houses. They looked familiar. Very familiar. They were someone Sans made an exchange with, once upon a time. If Sans wanted answers, then he's going to have to talk to this guy.

"hey, uh... napstablook, is it?"

"..........."

Well, that was certainly an introduction. Or a lack thereof. It's like they didn't even hear him. Like they're in their own little world.

"well, uhh... i was just... passing by, and uh..." Sans couldn't help but feel his soul sink the longer he looked at this ghost. His eyelights darted towards the ground instead. It didn't help much, though. The grass looked wilted and grey. "is something wrong?"

"..........oh......... sorry......... i'll be with you..........." The ghost's face slid into view, morose and thoughtful. "...........hello............."

"heya. uh, nice to see you again."

"...........really? oh........... nice to see you too..........."

"so, uh... what's all this? is there somethin' goin' on? you don't look too good." Blunt, much?

"i'm fine.......... just watering the flowers................"

"i, uh, can see that." Sans' eyelights struggled to keep eye contact as he tried to sift through his thoughts. On one hand, he should probably ask the ghost more about Mettaton to see if they know anything. On the other hand... Is this even the right time? He didn't think so. He couldn't just get his answers and leave. He couldn't just leave someone here like this... But what can he do to help?

What he does best.

"butcha know, you still don't seem like you're in high spirits. uh, but don't worry, i can think of some ghoul ways to lift 'em."

"...........ha...........ha.........."

Well, there was an attempt at humour. That counts for something, right?

"hey, c'mon. what's gotcha in a dour sour flower mood?" Sans played his joke up with a few silly gestures, as if that would make a difference.

Napstablook blinked, confused and somewhat disbelieving. Their former client from around three or four years ago... one of the twins from that funny little secret exchange of music... was trying to cheer THEM up? Why? Doesn't he know that it's pointless? That they're just a waste of time, a waste of space? Even his cousin didn't want them around, despite his promise... Surely, surely this guy must be kidding. They didn't know. He was just being decent, they supposed. He only felt obligated to check on them, nothing more. They looked back at the flowers, watching them slowly wilt away. Ha. Much like their happiness.

"...........you don't have to cheer me up........... you don't have to put yourself through this.............."

Okay, no. No, this will not stand.

"listen, naps. i don't know what you're going through, but i know one thing. last time i was here, this place was so lively. as lively as a ghost-run farm can be, anyway." He chuckled sadly at his own joke. Napstablook failed to reciprocate. "but now it's... i dunno, something feels off. nothing's like it's supposed to be. you see it too, don'tcha?"

The morose ghost nodded despite their lack of neck.

"so i just wanna know... what happened here?"

After some inner debating, Napstablook and Sans finally made eye contact. The sadness, the concern... it was all communicated with just one look. In addition, there was also this added layer of, "why?" Why is the farm halfway to its grave? Why does Napstablook's former client, someone who they barely talked to, going out of his way to gauge their wellbeing? Why isn't anything adding up like it's supposed to? Both have answers that neither was willing to give. Until something caved.

".........you can come with me........ if you want........ i don't mind if you don't..........."

Of course he did. He followed Napstablook all the way to one of the houses. The house that was locked. Sans waited for Napstablook to unlock it, but...

"...........he threw away the key..........."

"who's he?"

Napstablook turned. No response. That's alright. Sans understood. Some subjects are just too heavy to talk about.

Curious as ever, though, the skeleton still peeped through the window. The room was dark. Too dark. There was hardly any light in Waterfall on its own, especially around here. So it wasn't like light could waltz through the window. Sans thought about that for a second. Imagine a crowd of tiny ballerinas dancing through the window, bouncing off every object as they illuminated the room. Gosh, he wished that could happen. But alas... it didn't.

Through the darkness, all Sans could make out were vague shapes. He could just about see the outline of a bed in one of the corners. He could just about make out a table and a TV, as well. But what interested him most were the books his mind could just about grasp spread neatly on the floor. All of them were open, but from here, there was no way to see what was written on them, if they had been written on at all.

Were these the diaries?

Sans looked to Napstablook for confirmation, but when he turned, the ghost was gone. Funny. Seemed like they enjoyed the disappearing act. They should be a magician. Oh, wait. That's just monsterkind in general. Scratch that.

It didn't take long for Sans to spot the translucent marshmallow. They weren't doing much, just watching the happy little snails live their happy little lives. Man. Life as a snail would be so simple. You wouldn't have to worry about taxes or fame or losing your family...

It felt automatic. One minute, Sans was looking at Napstablook from a distance, the next, he was right next to them. The two of them watched as two snails happily gobbled on a blade of grass, one pink, one blue. Three other snails happily squirmed around on the other side of the pen.

".........oh......... hi, there.........."

"uh, hey?" Did they need to go through that again?

".........did your brother like the song?"

"uh, yeah. said he felt it in his bones."

".........that's nice............"

Silence. The snails continued to graze.

"say, uh..." Sans weaved the drawstring of his hoodie through his phalanges as he built up his resolve. "you didn't really answer my question earlier."

"oh......... sorry..........."

"nah, it's cool if you don't wanna talk about it. i was just curious, that's all."

"...........yeah.......... curious............"

In these kinds of circumstances, usually Sans would try to break the ice with a well-timed pun or even a little prank. But here... it didn't seem like this ghost even had a sense of humour. Any joke Sans would've had building up in his mandible had fizzled out ages ago. So here they were, sitting and watching the snails slowly chomping on the greyish-green grass.

It felt cold.

"...........you're really lucky, you know that?" A pause. "from what i could tell, you and your brother have a great bond............ it must be nice to know you're always wanted........... by someone, at least............."

That's... true, Sans supposed. Throughout all his life, all his time spent with Papyrus, he was only afraid of two things: losing Papyrus, and taking him for granted. Even now he started to wonder if he really had been a good brother lately. Always leaving him to his own devices, always working, always off doing his own thing... even now, he's on this investigation behind a TV robot star of all things. Was this even right? Should he mind his own business?

Maybe. But this itching feeling, this... hurt. He's hurt. Hurt that his friend would lie to him like this, that she kept such a big secret that was seemingly bothering her. Or maybe it was all in his head. Maybe he should just drop it.

...But he can't. Not now. Not when he's so close. And once he figures it out... he just... needed to talk with her. That's all. He needs to talk to Alphys.

While all these thoughts swam through Sans' skull, his eyes were transfixed on the two snails eating a blade of grass. Except the pink snail was leaving. It slowly moved away from the patch of grass, ready to join the three snails on the other side. But the blue snail... The blue snail was left all alone. While the pink snail left to pursue the so-called crowd, the blue snail had to work away the blade of grass all by itself.

Neither monster spoke for what felt like hours. They didn't need to. Sometimes all you could do is be there. Even if they're not particularly close, it was nice to revel in each other's company for a while. If Napstablook was corporeal, then Sans would've wrapped an arm around them or something. What a shame. They really did need a hug.

What was that like? To want to hug someone, yet being physically unable to do it. Sans knew he wouldn't be able to stand it. That sounded horrible. About as horrible as losing your close family member because they wanted to make a bigger name for themselves.

That's what happened... wasn't it?

The truth etched itself into Sans' skull. Okay. Now he really needed to talk to Alphys.

"say, uh... i have some important things to do." He scratched the back of his skull awkwardly. Why did it itch? "so i'll see you around?"

Napstablook once again gave a vague impression of a nod. "yeah........... thank you.......... it was nice sitting with you.......... even if it was just a little while.........."

"yeah. anytime, pal."

With a small wave, Sans began to walk away. But it wasn't long before Napstablook spoke up again.

"sorry........" Sans turned. "oh.......... you don't have to if you don't want to, but.......... you and your brother are welcome here at any time......... it's not much, and i'm not a very interesting ghost, but we can race snails....... just like what me and my cousin used to do..........."

Sans looked between Napstablook and the snails. A warm feeling started to swell up in his ribcage. That did sound like fun, and he's sure Papyrus would like that a lot. Besides, this was an opportunity to make someone happy, to make them feel less alike. Who would pass up that opportunity?

He gave a warm smile. "i'd love to."

The melancholic atmosphere turned bittersweet as Napstablook gave a small smile. And with one final wave, Sans was off.

He still had a liar to confront, after all.

--------

The walk to Hotland was peaceful in a 'calm before the storm' kind of way. The sound of gears and electric buzzes matched what was going on in Sans' mind. Bits and pieces coming together, conclusion after conclusion. But it wasn't enough. He knew the what. He just needed the why. He just needed Alphys.

The lab was right at the entrance of Hotland. Alphys' new home. Walking in, he could see that some boxes were unpacked. Piles of books stacked on the desk, the fridge wide open, the escalator finally in use.

And of course, there was the centerpiece. A lizard scientist sporting a brand new, shiny lab coat, and her bombastic robotic creation. The former was pacing up and down as the latter tried to soothe her, albeit in a strange, awkwardly dismissive, but at the same time supportive, tone. And for a moment, it seemed like it was working.

Until she saw Sans. Then everything crumbled.

"hey, al, can i-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

And there she went! Just one glimpse and she already knew she was in trouble! Just one peek and she already knew that Sans knows.

"OH, MY! NOW THAT IS DRAMA!"

Shut up, Mettaton.

Alphys ran straight to her new cubic bed and hid under it somehow.

"Huff... puff... Phew... I just need to... catch my breath."

"take your time."

What?! Alphys whipped her head around to see Sans, lying casually next to her, like a child hiding under the bed in hide and seek.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

And like that, she bolted. Down the escalator, into the elevator! Mettaton waved a flag as Alphys zipped past, clearly cheering her on. Thanks.

Luckily, Alphys managed to get to the elevator before Sans did. Finally alone, she took a moment to breathe. In... Out... In... Out... Until finally... The doors opened.

There it was. The lab, the real, True Lab. The teal rooms, the bright lights, the empty logs she can fill with her experiments... It was practically a blank slate. Something about this place takes her back. To what, she doesn't know. She gazed at all the boxes she has left to unpack, full of equipment, furniture, merchandise... and Sans.

Wait, what?

"heyyyyyy, alphys."

Nope nope nope nope nope! She was out! She got outta there as quickly as possible!

She can't let Sans catch up to her, she just can't! But where can she go? What can she do?

She made it into what she would call the break room before having to stop and catch her breath. Maybe... Maybe a snack from the vending machine won't hurt.

She put a coin in... and out popped Sans.

"sup?"

HOW DID HE GET IN THERE?!?! was the only coherent thought Alphys had before booking it once again. This time, she went into a room with a bunch of beds. This place was absolutely swarmed with beds, all without bedsheets, of course. Alphys would have to provide bedsheets herself.

Oh, wait. One had a bedsheet. She curiously took off the covers and-

"pal."

What was she expecting? What was she honestly expecting?

Another reason to run, that's what she was expecting!

But no matter how far she ran, there was no escaping this maniac. He showed up in the mirrors. It wasn't a reflection, he actually managed to get stuck in the mirrors. That could've been the end of it, but nope! Even after backtracking and hiding in the shower, Sans STILL managed to get there first!

"do you mind? i'm kinda taking a shower here."

He definitely wasn't taking a shower, but Alphys wasn't taking any chances either. She ran, ran, and ran. This time, she dashed into a room with nothing but shelves and a TV.

"Phew..."

Something smacked the TV screen.

"AHH!"

"hey, uh, could you help me? i'm a bit stuck."

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

This has got to be a nightmare, this just HAS to be! There was no way Sans was able to get BEHIND the screen of a TV, it defies all sense of logic! But then again, this whole charade defies logic in and of itself. How was he so fast?! Why can't she get away from him?!?!

Like the good friend she is however... she bolted out of the room and practically stumbled into a different one which was full of boxes. Should she have helped him? Probably. But that would also mean having to tell the truth, and she doesn't think she can handle that-

Oh! And Sans just popped out of the box!

"You weren't really stuck, were you?"

"i guess not. anyway, wanna chat?"

...

The pitter patter of lizard feet echoed through the halls. Welp, that was a no.

Alphys knew she couldn't run forever. She was tired. She needed a break. And in her frenzy... She picked the worst possible place for her break if she wanted to get away from Sans.

A small room. With only one exit. With no hiding places.

Brilliant, Alphys! Very clever thinking! But really, being as panicked as she was, it was really hard to concentrate on what seemed logical at the time.

She just needed to breath... Calm down... Relax...

Unfortunately for her, Sans was already at the doorway, which made relaxing... significantly harder. But that's okay! If she breathes hard enough, she can get out of this state of pure panic!

Harder.

Harder.

TOO HARD!

She knew it wasn't going to be long before Sans found her. And she was correct. His pitch-black eye sockets bore into her. Disgusted. Judging.

She could tell what Sans was thinking.

you can't lie to me, alphys. i know what you did. why would i ever be friends with someone who would cheat her way into a job she wasn't qualified for?

Alphys was 99% sure he thought it, but he didn't say it. He didn't say anything. He just stared. Stared at her with that dead-eyed look. Until finally, he took a step.

And another.

And another.

And when he finally sat down beside her, not breaking eye contact... Alphys broke.

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry!!!" She practically screamed, causing Sans to flinch. "I did it! I confess! I d-d-did it! I lied to Asgore, I lied to you, I lied to the underground! I d-didn't make an artificial soul, that's j-just not possible! I'm a fraud, okay?! A fraud!!!"

Breathe in... Breathe IN. Sans' eyelights have returned, at least, albeit a little dim. His expression unreadable, Alphys found it harder than normal to look at him.

"I... I t-thought... Okay, s-so Asgore's hot, and I r-really wanted to impress him. A-And y-you know, the R-Royal Scientist is a really good job, it's royal, so y-you work closely with Asgore a-and all that, s-so I thought... If I could impress him b-by doing something n-no other person was able to do... I-I could..."

Now it was Sans' turn to break eye contact. Eye contact hurts, especially in a situation like this.

"A-And that's... n-not all..." Alphys hiccuped. "My dad... is a very prestigious m-man... He wants his c-children to be the absolute best they can be, a-and you know... the Royal Scientist is a p-pretty good job. Maybe even g-good enough to impress..."

Sans' eye sockets widened a little at that. She never said any of this before. Why does she want to impress her dad anyway? Doesn't she know that dads are impossible to please? That no matter what you do, you can never get their recognition? Never get their praise? That you'll just be treated like a pet at most?

Don't think about that. Focus on Alphys. She's the whole reason why he's here.

"I'm s-s-sorry, Sans... I lied to you..."

Something in Sans snapped.

"you didn't just lie to me, alphys. you lied to everyone. asgore, me, the whole underground. and you got mettaton in on the lie, too. i know what he is."

Alphys stilled. Sure, Mettaton already implied that Sans knew, but... Now that it was confirmed, she didn't think she could handle it. Her breaths quickened.

"do you realise what could happen if asgore found out? if the whole underground found out? you're smart, al, i know you are. you could've become the royal scientist on your own, you didn't have to cheat."

Tears sprung to Alphys' eyes. But Sans continued.

"so whatcha gonna do now? you're just gonna live with the fact that you're a fraud?"

And that was the straw that broke the lizard's back. Alphys' sobbing mental breakdown subsequently snapped Sans out of his disappointment. He didn't know what to do. He only knew that he caused this. He caused Alphys to cry.

God, why did he have to be so nosy? It's funny. He doesn't have a nose, yet he's the nosiest skeleton around. He should've let it be. Why did he go all this way just to make his good friend cry? God... he was the worst.

No. Stop. No time for a pity party. His friend's upset, all because of him. He had to help her, he just had to! But what can he do? He definitely can't tell anyone else about this. He doesn't want to cause any more upset. No. He can't do anything. This was for Alphys and Alphys alone to decide. And maybe Mettaton.

"al..." Alphys sniffled in response. "i won't say anything."

Her tears stopped in shock. "You won't?"

"nope. but i will give you this." He patted the ground. "a choice. it's up to you whether you wanna tell asgore or not. and... i guess it was your choice not to tell me about this in the first place. i'm sorry. i should've let you be."

"N-No... You had every right to be upset." Alphys sighed. "Especially with a lie as big as this."

"heh... alright. i gotta admit, i think i was a little hurt."

"Hurt? Oh..."

"nah, it's okay. look, it's a difficult choice. telling the truth would get the weight of this lie off your chest, but it could cost you your job. but if you keep lying... i don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive yourself for that."

"...Wow."

Alphys stared at the ground, lost in thought. That was a big decision. Could she really handle the weight of what she brought upon herself? How long can she keep this lie up? How long can Mettaton keep this lie up? Mettaton... She roped in Mettaton... How long would their deal last? How long until he...? She doesn't know. But Sans was right, it's her call at the end of the day. Whatever she decides will decide her future. But before she starts thinking about that, there was one more thing she had to address.

"...Thanks, Sans. B-But, um..." She twiddled her fingers nervously. "Y-You... don't want to break up our friendship, r-right?"

Sans gave a half-hearted chuckle. "you kiddin'? of course not. i still wanna be nerd buds with you, alphys. i just don't want you to blatantly lie to me anymore, that's all."

A wave of relief washed over Alphys' body. "Thanks, Sans."

"no problem."

Just like that, all the previous tension drained out of the room. It drained and drained until all that was left was the bittersweet joy of two friends and their growing bond.

With that out of the way, Alphys thought it was time for a little tease. "So, since you found my secret, mind sharing yours?"

"uhh..."

Way to call him out, Alphys.

--------

After that fiasco, Sans thought kicking back and watching TV near his brother was the perfect thing he could do to unwind. That is... until Papyrus decided to cook once again.

"HERE YOU ARE, BROTHER!!! BONE APPETIT!!!" Papyrus proudly and pompously placed the plate of pasta on Sans' lap. The second-to-last place Sans wanted it to be, other than his mouth.

Welp. Relaxation time ruined. It's eating awful sludge time now. Trying not to throw up time. Lying to protect his brother's feelings time.

But after the day he's had... Sans was done with lies.

"SANS?" Papyrus squinted his eyes. "WHY AREN'T YOU EATING? I EVEN ADDED SOME EXTRA HERBS THIS TIME!!!"

Ah, so that's what the crispy part was. Good to know. But, well, to reiterate, Sans was absolutely done.

He calmly got up, placed the plate carefully on the sofa, and clasped his hands together like a teacher addressing a classroom of students, except the teacher was on the brink of insanity and was desperately trying to resist the idea of choking out that one kid at the back of the class who always disrupted the lesson. The class clown, if you will. And it was ironic! Sans was the class clown!

"well, papyrus..." His smile shifted into one of tense tranquility. And then he leapt.

CRASH!

Looks like they need a new window. Again. Goodbye, Sans.

Chapter Text

"UUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH..."

Papyrus just got back from his shift, flipping and flopping himself back home and slamming the door shut. Sounds of suffering reverberated from his font. Oh, the pain! Oh, the agony! Oh, the sheer, utter-

"BOREDOM!!!"

Oh, it was more than just boredom. This was the death of stimulation. Even his own puzzles couldn't curb this monotonous feeling.

"UGGHHH... BORED, BORED, BORED... WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SOME MENTAL STIMULATION AROUND HERE?!"

With another exasperated groan, Papyrus slammed his entire body weight onto the sofa, unaware that a harmonious cacophony of farts was about to sing out directly under him.

PRRRRRRRRRRRT!

Yup. Seemed like Sans was bored too. On one hand, Papyrus was relieved that he wasn't alone in this mental torture. On the other, he wouldn't wish this agony on anyone, least of all his own brother.

"NNNGH."

The sound of sweet, mischievous giggling cut through Papyrus' state of suffering. Was he just waiting behind the kitchen's doorframe the entire time? Gosh, what a sad way to spend your time. Papyrus knew that Sans completed his shift three hours before he did. But still. If he planted the whoopie cushions as soon as he got home, that must mean he would've been waiting there for three hours at the most. Sad. Very, very sad.

Unusually for such an energetic person, Papyrus just couldn't summon the energy for a good reaction. And to Sans, when his precious twin brother can't even muster a glare... something must be really wrong. So he came out of hiding. Brother first, disappointment later, he always says. Well, not really, but you get the picture.

"somethin' wrong, bro?"

Papyrus huffed a frustrated sigh. "SANS... WHY IS EVERYTHING SO BORING TODAY?"

"no idea, bro." Sounds like Papyrus was right about Sans being bored too. With a solemn sigh, he flopped onto the couch, right where Papyrus' legs were sprawled. "today's just a drag."

"HHH."

"hhh."

"HHHH."

"hhhh."

"HHHHH!"

"hhhhh!"

"NNNGH!!!"

"nnngh..."

Papyrus powered through his blue-magic boredom only to kick Sans off the sofa.

Thud.

That was the most fun he's had all day.

Not for Sans, though. All he did was groan into the carpet, and not because he was just kicked off.

Papyrus sat up as an airy growl escaped his mandible. "UGH, SANS, HOW DO YOU DO IT? HOW DO YOU TOLERATE IT WHEN YOU'RE TIRED OF EVERYTHING?! NOT EVEN MY PUZZLES WERE ENOUGH TO SALVAGE ME!!! PUZZLES!!! MY FAVORITE SUBJECT EVER!!!"

"i know, it's terrible. honestly, i'd just get by by... uh, i dunno. i'd say sleep, but i haven't been doing much of that lately."

"OH, I UNDERSTAND WHY, SLEEPING'S FOR CHUMPS!!! NO OFFENCE."

"none taken."

The taller twin pounded one of his own hands with his fist. "WE NEED TO TRY SOMETHING NEW!!! ANY IDEAS?"

"hmm..." The shorter twin looked around the living room for any ideas. TV? Nah, none of the classics are on there anymore. It was just overdramatic Mettaton crap now. He'd fall asleep watching it. Cooking? Nah, neither of them can cook. And he definitely didn't want to try Papyrus' 'spaghetti' again. There was that joke quantum physics book. He could read to Papyrus. But nah, he didn't feel like it. He was at a loss.

...Until he remembered that interaction he had with a certain ghost about 3 or 4 days ago. Napstablook, was it? They sat together for a bit and watched snails. They mentioned something about racing them. Racing snails... That sounded like a fun new thing for them to do.

This idea sent a burst of energy through Sans' lazy bones, which enabled him to sit up.

"how do you feel about snail racing?"

Papyrus blinked. "SNAIL RACING?"

"yeah."

"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS A THING! WE CAN REALLY DO THAT?"

"yeah, an old friend of ours talked about it."

Old friend? Papyrus had an old friend? The very thought contradicted everything Papyrus knew about his social life deep down... but at the same time, it filled him with hope. An old friend.

He didn't realise he was smiling until he watched Sans' face light up. "WELL, IF IT WAS AN OLD FRIEND'S SUGGESTION!!!"

"great. come on, bro. i know a shortcut."

--------

Papyrus knew this area of Waterfall. This was Undyne's neighbourhood, of which he practically knew by soul. Or at least, he thought he did. Truth be told, he had never thought to look next to Undyne's house. This was an exciting new adventure for him. So exciting that he had taken to eating everything new he could find on the way. Including lanterns. And mushrooms.

"bro, how many times do i have to tell you that just because something is bright..."

"...IT DOESN'T MAKE IT EDIBLE, YES!!! I KNOW!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME EVERY TIME!!!" Despite Sans' lectures, he was still excited at the prospect at going somewhere he couldn't actually remember going to.

Until the brothers actually arrived at the snail farm, then the memories came tumbling back into his skull.

"WAIT A MINUTE!!!" Papyrus gasped, recollecting. "WHY IS IT SO DEAD?!?!?!"

Sans fought back an onslaught of laughter. "cuz it's a ghost's farm, bro. it's meant to be like that."

Speaking of ghosts...

"is it really that bad............."

If Sans and Papyrus had skin, they would've jumped out of it! Luckily for everyone involved, they don't, so instead their font boxes threatened to extract themselves out of their skeletons with how loud they shrieked.

Who knew jumpscares could work so well on two spooky scary skeletons?

"oh sorry.................."

Oh crap oh crap don't make this poor ghost sad! "NO NO IT'S FINE I LOVE GETTING SPOOKED NOT THAT I WAS SPOOKED OF COURSE BECAUSE I NEVER GET SPOOKED I'M THE GREAT PAPYRUS I'M NOT SCARED OF GH- I MEAN GHOSTS AREN'T SCARY THEY'RE CUTE YES YES VERY CUTE PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED BY ME!!!"

That would've been believable if his voice didn't jump up about 15 octaves whilst saying that.

"...dang, what a jumpscare." Papyrus smacked the back of Sans' head. "what did i say?"

"it's okay, guys........... really..........."

Okay, now they felt bad.

"so........... is there anything you guys need.............."

"OH, NO NO NO!!! SANS WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT, UM... SNAIL RACES? WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?"

"wait, really............" The puzzled ghost looked at Sans for confirmation. The skeleton nodded kindly. Did they... really want to race snails? On their farm? No one has ever taken Napstablook up on their offer to hang out before... They just thought they were boring. That they were destined to be alone. And now there's these two...

Well. Well well welly well well well welly well well. Well. This certainly changed things. Though they had to be careful. There was always a chance these two would turn on them if they're too monotonous. Perhaps they should just... quietly guide them to the track and let them have their fun.

"snail races take place over there.............. let me get my snails in order............."

Aaaaaaaand they faded away. Well! That was a fun interaction! And Papyrus still looked confused. Luckily, Sans had an explanation on hand.

"yeah, uh, naps is just going through somethin' right now, so-"

"LET'S RACE!!!" Having regained his energy, Papyrus grabbed Sans' arm and ran off. With just his arm. The rest of Sans stayed behind. Welp. Good thing it wasn't his dominant arm. Sans just chuckled as he followed behind in his casual, leisurely manner.

--------

Sans found the races adorable. All those tiny little snails slowly slithering along the pen, racing each other and letting them take their bets. It's pretty fun. And Papyrus was having a blast, even if he had a bit of trouble encouraging his snail at first.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHY ISN'T MY SNAIL GOING? I'VE GIVEN IT ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT I CAN!!!"

"um........... some snails are shyer than others........... sid over there is one of the shyer ones............."

"AH, I SEE!!! THEN PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE A CALMER APPROACH! IT'S A GOOD THING THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS THE BEST AT BEING CALM! AHEM!" Shockingly, Papyrus lowered the volume of his voice and encouraged Sid in a calm, respectful way. "HELLO, SID. THERE'S NO NEED TO BE AFRAID. THIS IS ALL JUST A RACE. A RACE I KNOW YOU CAN WIN IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH. DON'T GIVE UP. I BELIEVE IN YOU."

Needless to say, Sid won the next snail race. Papyrus squealed and shook Sans so hard, he was so proud! And all Sans did was giggle in response.

"wow, bro. you're really good at that."

"REALLY?!"

"yeah. you took into account the snail's preferred method of encouragement and adjusted. that's really cool of you." That was an understatement on Sans' part - everything about Papyrus is cool.

"IT IS? WHY, OF COURSE IT IS!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!" Papyrus was so busy puffing out his chest and laughing proudly that he didn't realise he scared Sid once again. It was just a one time thing, however.

Welp. Time for some good old fashioned brotherly teasing!

"...buuuuuut i bet leonard will win the next one. i see potential in him, you know."

"WHAT?! NO WAY!!! YOU SAW HOW SID PUSHED HIMSELF!!! HE'S NOT GOING TO LOSE!!!"

"hehe, man..." Sans sighed dreamily as he leaned on the fence. All those little snails gathering around, congratulating each other for a race well-run... "could you imagine if we were down there? racing snails? being their coaches?"

"oh.............. i think i know someone who can help you with that.............. maybe.............."

Oh boy, now the brothers were intrigued. Why did Napstablook say anything? What if they were wrong? Oh, jeez... Well, now they have no choice but to talk about him.

"there's this guy who runs a store not too far from here............. a war veteran who knows a lot about ancient magic and spells............."

"SPELLS?"

"yeah........... spells that were used to help humans before........... everything.............." The brothers glanced at each other before turning back to Napstablook. They continued their speech. "i can show you the way if you want.............."

Before Napstablook could even attempt to gauge the brothers' amount of interest in anything they had to say, Papyrus leapt up and tried to grab their shoulders to shake them.

"WE COULD USE OLD-" Flop! Right into the mud! Ghosts are incorporeal, Papyrus. Remember that.

Good for him, because Sans' goofy laugh at his expense ensured that that fact was definitely going to stick.

"SHUT UP, SANS!!!"

"oh.......... sorry..........."

"IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!" Papyrus grunted as he got up and wiped the mud off his clothes the best he can. "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. SHOW US THE WAY!!!"

--------

"BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYY?"

"we talked about this earlier, pap."

"BUT THEY LOOKED EDIBLE!!!"

"since when was a sickly green glow ever seen as edible?"

"SINCE VEGETABLES!!!"

"vegetables don't glow."

"BUT THEY MAKE YOUR SKIN GLOW!!!"

"that wasn't a vegetable, pap. that was mold."

"CHEESE IS ALSO MOLD!!!"

"...bad mold."

Were these two always like this? It was probably none of Napstablook's business. Besides, they were coming up to the little shop anyway.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S BAD MOLD IF YOU'VE NEVER TRIED IT?"

"oh my god, papyrus..."

"um........... i'm sorry to interrupt, but............ we're here now............ ooooooooooooo.........." In an effort to sound interesting and mysterious, Napstablook phased through the wall of the store, which only left the brothers to figure out where they were exactly.

The first thing they did was read the sign.

"GERSON'S. WHO'S GERSON?"

"must be that war veteran naps was talkin' about. there's only one way to find out."

"ALRIGHT, LET'S GO!!!" Papyrus ran straight into the wall Napstablook phased through, thinking it was a door.

Thud! "OW!!!" Never mind, he'll just go through the window. Meanwhile, Sans went in through the door like a normal person.

"dude, you good? you're makin' a lot of dumb decisions today."

"I'M FINE!!! I JUST GOT OVERZEALOUS, THAT'S ALL!" The bombastic skeleton aimed to keep his composure, but at the same time, he really needed to rub the area between his eye sockets. He wondered if it would bruise.

Sans rolled his eyes and chuckled. Ah, Papyrus, never change. Though looking away from his brother brought the opportunity to get a glimpse of what the actual store looked like. It was dark, yet warm and inviting, not too dissimilar to the atmosphere of the Snowdin Shop. Ancient relics from before the war lined the shelves. They consisted of helmets, swords, spears, books, statues and more. It felt more like a museum than a store, however the shelves were also full of junk from the dump, snacks and beverage to keep it from being such. Nonetheless, it was a history nerd's paradise... or the paradise for someone with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge.

With that in mind, Sans found himself drawn to the relics and books in the store. The books weren't just history books - they were old storybooks that were written by monsters back when they lived on the surface. Fairy tales, romance novels, fantasy novels... It was like going back in time to see an old library. Sans reached over and picked up one of the fairytale books, only to discover that it was covered in dust when he opened it.

The dust flew straight into his face, most of all his nasal cavity.

"hhh! hhh! pshew!" One could mistake his sneeze for a squeaky toy.

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!! YOU SNEEZE LIKE A KITTEN!!!"

...

Sans shut the book in Papyrus' face, making dust fly into his eye sockets. In response, he coughed and hacked. And coughed and hacked and coughed and choked and- No, Papyrus wasn't dying. But all of this 'drama' managed to capture the attention of the owner of the store - an old tortoise monster, the guy who Napstablook claimed to be a war veteran.

"Woah there! We don't want two youngins fighting in my store, do we?"

Funny how as soon as an authority figure came out, all urges to continue squabbling stopped. The skeletons turned to look at the funny tortoise, who looked at them with a goofy smile and a look of- Is that... Who is this guy?

This intrigue, this mystery... That's what had drawn the brothers towards him. As if they were on autopilot, the skellies practically tip toed to the counter.

"Ah, but still. It reminds me of the good old days. I used to fight with my friends all the time! Wa ha ha ha!" The old man shared a kind smile. "So, what are ya lookin for?"

"UM... WELL..." Papyrus glanced at Sans. Seeing that he's not going to speak, he decided to do it himself. Time to be The Great Papyrus once again! "MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES, SIR! MY BROTHER AND I WERE JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE! TELL ME, HAVE YOU HEARD OF A GERSON?"

"Wa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" The reptile laughed so hard he almost fell over.

"WHA- HEY!!!" Papyrus couldn't hold back a scoff as this tortoise had the audacity to laugh in his face. How dare he! This is a very serious, very important query! He looked at Sans with a look of pure indignation. All Sans did was raise a bonebrow and shrug back. "DON'T LAUGH!!! THIS IS SERIOUS!!! WHO IS THIS GERSON?!"

"oh............ that is gerson............"

"EEEEEEE!!!" Papyrus jolted so hard he almost fell onto Sans, which only caused the tortoise to laugh even harder. After a while, he finally calmed down enough to speak.

"The ghost is right, boy! Is is I, Gerson! Or as the people call me, the Hammer of Justice. Wa ha ha!"

"O-OH... OF COURSE!! SILLY ME!!! APOLOGIES AGAIN!!!" The overenthusiastic skeleton felt heat rising to his cheekbones. He hoped his embarrassment didn't show too much. Unfortunately for him, his hope was quickly dashed when he caught Sans holding back a snicker from the corner of his eye socket. He knew Gerson didn't want a fight to break out in his store, so he just opted to pout instead.

"Ah, don't worry about it, boy. These mistakes happen. Sometimes even I forget my own name! Wa ha ha!"

"REALLY?"

"Yes!"

"ME TOO!!! WELL, ACTUALLY, ONCE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, SANS HERE REFUSED TO CALL ME ANYTHING BUT PAPAYAS FOR A WEEK TO THE POINT WHERE I STARTED TO THINK THAT WAS MY REAL NAME!!!"

Having been reminded of that, Sans burst into a fit of laughter. "hehehehehehehehe! hilarious."

"Ah, siblings. They always come up with the funniest ways to mess with each other." Gerson squinted, lost in thought. "My sister and I prank each other all the time... Wa ha ha! So, what are you three lookin for?"

The brothers turned to Napstablook to let them speak first. They responded by fading a little. Okay, looks like the more extroverted twins have to talk for them.

Sans started off. "so our buddy here told us that you, uh, know a lot of spells."

"AND WE HAVE TO SAY, WE WERE SPELLBOUND BY THIS INFORMATION!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

Papyrus received a playful elbow shove from Sans, as it told him, "nice one!"

"SO WE WERE WONDERING IF THERE WAS A SPELL WE COULD USE TO BECOME BONE-FIDE SNAIL RACERS?"

"Wa ha ha ha! Oh, you youngins and your imaginations." For a moment, Sans and Papyrus looked ready to deflate, but then Gerson came at them with something else. "You know, you weren't wrong. I do know a spell that's perfect for putting those creative minds to good use."

The curious skeletons perked up as Gerson rummaged through the box of books he kept under the counter, all the while he kept mumbling to himself.

"How to build a boat- 1000 songs to sing to your rubber duck- Nope, that's not it. Aha!" The old tortoise pulled out a large, old, dusty book. It was a large brown leather book that was about as big as Sans' head, etched with gold swirls and patterns on the front and the spine. And in the dead center was the emblem of the Kingdom of Monsters - the Delta Rune, also carved in with that golden finish. The brothers looked down at it and stared in awe, watching the light reflect off the gold. Captivating. Mesmerising.

"This is a very old spell book. The Book of Magic. Wa ha ha. Fluffybuns may be a mighty fine king, but he still can't name for beans!" The wise old man watched as the two young skeletons finally managed to tear their eye sockets away from the book, just for a moment before being entranced by the cover again. Sans even began to pull the book towards him before Gerson slammed his hand onto the book. That action threw up dust and stopped Sans in his tracks.

"Not so fast. This book is full of spells that fell out of use a long time ago. Plenty of banned spells in there too. And all of them require a lot of magical energy to cast."

"ah, i get it. how much is a lot, exactly?"

"A lotta lotta lot, boy! Wa ha ha!" Gerson took the book and flipped the pages, leaving the twins to gloss over the amount of spells available in the book. "Back when humans and monsters were friends, we helped each other in our own unique ways. Humans, with their strength and determination, shielded us from harm and helped us develop our kingdoms, and in return, monsters helped them with old magic spells used to make life easier for them. Humans would farm food, and fire magic would cook it on stormy nights. Life was simpler back then."

Finally, Gerson flipped to a page with the spell he alluded to before. He spun the book around and showed it to Sans, Papyrus, and Napstablook, who was just staying out of the way.

There it was. The Lifeination spell.

"LIFEINATION?"

"that's a stupid name." Papyrus gasped and smacked upside Sans' head. "ow, what did i say?"

"Wa ha ha! It's alright, boys. Bad names are just a commonality here. You can thank King Fluffybuns for that."

"NYEH HEH HEH..."

"so how do we use it?"

"I'M SURE WE CAN FIND OUT IF WE READ THE BOOK, SANS!!!"

"ok, ok, i get it. heh heh."

"Wa ha ha! Just follow the instructions, boys. Just remember that the Lifeination spell requires a lot of creativity, concentration and magical energy."

"gotcha. magical energy." After checking to see if it was okay, Sans pulled the book towards him for a quick read. "mind if we borrow it?"

"Nah, keep it! I have a feeling you two will get a lot more use out of it than I will." The wise war veteran gave them a playful yet fond smile.

Those words surprised Sans a little. "oh, really? heh, thanks, old man. that means a lot."

As for Papyrus, he was bubbling with excitement. His hands flapped up and down sporadically. It was a good thing he wasn't near any shelves... and that Napstablook was incorporeal. "WOWIE!!! A WHOLE BOOK OF OLD SPELLS, AT THE TIPS OF OUR PHALANGES!!! I WONDER IF THERE'S A SPELL THAT COULD GIVE ME A REALLY COOL OUTFIT THAT INCREASES MY CHANCE TO MAKE FRIENDS!!!"

"maybe. thanks, mr. gerson."

"Anytime, boys." As the twins turned to leave with Napstablook, Gerson's attitude started... veering. His expression grew dark as he started to give a forewarning. "Just remember... some of those spells were banned for a reason."

The warning was not lost on the brothers. Jeez. Was this what the patrons at Grillby's felt when Sans used that black-eyed stare on them? Well... It's nice to know that he came off as deep and mysterious. Papyrus, on the other hand, while he was used to Sans' attempts to creep him out or intimidate people, wasn't used to someone like Gerson being like this at all. It was... creepy... eerie.

"O-OKAY, WE'LL KEEP IN TOUCH!!! B-BYE!!!" And with that, the brothers left.

Napstablook knew they should follow them... but then... they caught that look in Gerson's eye. That look of fondness, as if he already... Oh. It wouldn't be polite of them to pry, especially after Gerson's been so kind to them. Napstablook knew they had no business to be here in the first place other than being a guide for the twins. So... They might as well keep their mouth shut. Just stay invisible... Stay out of the way.

The bedsheet ghost could only muster a "thank you" before leaving.

--------

Back at the farm, the trio found that they had a lot of spells to go through. The banned spells were marked with a red highlighter: the EMPATH spell, the KARMA spell, the K-POP spell... They still couldn't believe Gerson let them keep it. How much faith did he have in the twins, really? Finally, they flipped back to the Lifeination spell.

The Lifeination spell requires a lot of magical power. It grants the user the ability to bring their imagination to life until they choose to end the spell, but it'll take a LOT of magic to activate it. So if you plan to use this spell, it is recommended that you have a mage, a boss monster, or extra monster power to activate it, or you may pass out and waste your magic."

"SANS? DO YOU THINK WE HAVE ENOUGH MAGIC TO HANDLE THIS?" Papyrus fidgeted with his scarf, trying to keep a brave face. "I'M ONLY ASKING BECAUSE I KNOW HOW YOU CAN BE, BROTHER! I-I JUST WANT TO ASSURE YOU THAT WITH OUR STRENGTH, I'M SURE WE CAN HANDLE IT!!!"

"um.............. sorry............... but you're sweating a bit............"

Papyrus quickly tried to laugh of Napstablook's observation. Yes. Very convincing laugh. Definitely didn't make him look like a madman.

"are you scared of passin' out, bro?"

"WHAT?! NO!! IT'S JUST- UH, YOU- GAH!!!" The bombastic skeleton gesticulated wildly before Sans put a tiny baby hand to his chest. That abruptly stopped him.

"i have an idea. remember in magic school when we used to do those little hand-holding exercises to jumpstart our magic bullets?"

"...ARE YOU REALLY SUGGESTING WE DO SOMETHING SO CHILDISH?"

"hey, adults do it too. and it might even be necessary."

To be fair, Papyrus was mostly worried that Sans would pass out. After all, he was never exactly the most stable monster around... physically. Mentally, he was as tough as nails. He'd seen that, which is why he fully trusted Sans with this.

"WELL... ALRIGHT, THEN!!!" He took Sans' hand firmly before turning to Napstablook. They haven't said much. Are they alright? "HEY, NAPSTABLOOK! ARE YOU JOINING US?"

Napstablook was thrown out of their thoughts at the suggestion. "oh........... i wouldn't want to ruin your fun.........."

Sad host alert! Sad ghost alert! Commence cheering protocol!

"ya kiddin'? it's your farm, your snails. what kinda guests would we be if we didn't include ya?"

"EXACTLY! AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'RUIN YOUR FUN'?! WHEN WE WERE BORED, SANS SUGGESTED WE COME HERE!"

Now that was confusing. "you came here......... for fun.......... why............."

"BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING WE'VE NEVER TRIED BEFORE!!! AND BECAUSE OF YOU, WE CAN!!! YOU MIGHT NOT BE THE MOST UPBEAT, BUT YOU CERTAINLY KNOW HOW TO SHOW YOUR GUESTS A GOOD TIME!"

"makin' others happy when you aren't... heh. i gotta say, people like that deserve appreciation."

"SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY WE DON'T WANT TO DO THIS WITHOUT YOU, RIGHT? COME ON, LET'S DO THIS!!!"

This was probably the nicest anyone had ever been to Napstablook since... since their cousin... Why though is another story. They should stay out of the way, but... They look so sincere... Like they WANT them to join in... Turning them down wouldn't be very nice. But if they joined in... How will they screw it all up? How will they inevitably drive them away with their depressing self? Or maybe refusal would drive them away anyway. Well... it wouldn't hurt to join in on the fun, would it?

"ok.............. i'll join you............."

"YES!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

"but i don't have hands to hold.............."

Oh, yeah. They hadn't thought of that. Luckily for the brothers, they should have more than enough magical energy to make this spell work without collapsing.

"hey, that's cool. you can stand in the middle of us."

"YEAH!!! LIKE..." Papyrus grabbed the sides of Napstablook's head and gently positioned them just between Sans and himself. Well, actually, he couldn't touch them, but Napstablook moved around anyway, to be polite, of course. "THERE!!! PERFECT!!! NOW I'M SURE YOU CAN JOIN US TOO!!!"

"oh.......... hooray........... thank you..........."

"ALRIGHT, LET'S GO!!!" With Napstablook positioned perfectly in the center, Sans and Papyrus reached their arms out towards each other and held hands. Both pairs of hands, mind you. After one last gloss over the page, they proceeded to activate the spell.

It started with Papyrus' right hand. The taller skeleton squeezed his eye sockets shut as he focused on running as much magic through his right arm as possible. What resulted was his right hand glowing through his thick wooly glove. A rich integrity blue interlaced with streaks of orange. It was much easier to see up close, if you didn't get blinded by the light first. Luckily, no one involved in this spell had eyes that could be potentially blinded.

The raw power of Papyrus' magic ran through Sans' hand and up his left arm, finally running across his face as his left, then his right, eye socket lit up with cyan interlaced with yellow. On his own, he could only light up his left eye, and it usually meant he was overusing his magic a bit, but here, he was supported by his brother's magic. Even through the cracks of his closed sockets, one could just about see the flashing lights.

Just as Papyrus gave Sans extra power, Sans sought to return the favour. His own cyan and yellow energy ran down his right arm and into Papyrus' left hand, which made his hand pulse blue interlaced with traces of orange under his glove. But it didn't stop there. Finally, it ran through Papyrus' face and ignited his own eye sockets, blue and orange flickering around under his inexplicably existent eyelids.

Napstablook watched with fascination as the yellow and orange melded together into a beautiful gold, and the two blues formed a perfect balance between light and dark. It was truly a spectacle, something the average monster could never dream of doing.

And when the twins finally opened their eyes, revealing the rapid flickering of colours all around...

All they could see was green.

The green light faded as the trio slowly gained awareness of where they were. Looking around, they were on a field of dead grass and dirt, surrounded by a giant wooden fence. It was like they shrank down to the size of an ant... because they did! It was a good thing all the grass here was dead, flat and covered with snail slime... Well, good for Sans and Napstablook, bad for Papyrus when he lifted his foot off the ground.

"UGH!!!"

"sorry........... snails like to do that............"

Papyrus didn't know remorse was contagious until now. "NO, IT'S OKAY!!! I WAS JUST..." His explanation came to a halt when he caught sight of what he was wearing. Instead of his usual red boots, he was wearing thick black racing boots. It was then that he realised his entire outfit had changed! Instead of his usual crop top/hotpants combo, he was wearing a red tracksuit with leather red gloves and a matching helmet. Imagination is one heck of a pill.

"wow. you look great, bro."

"I DO, DON'T I?! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!!" Just as Papyrus pulled his signature "cool dude" pose, he finally caught sight of Sans' outfit. He was wearing a matching tracksuit, albeit blue with grey accents, and thick, black sneakers with the laces untied. The excitable brother gasped when he saw it. "OH MY GOD, YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!"

"oh, really?" Sans had to admit, he was flattered.

"YES, YOU LOOK LIKE A TRACK STAR!!!"

"heh, thanks." Was he blushing? Eh, maybe a little. "you look cooler, though. all the cool people wear helmets."

"OH, YEAH, YOU DON'T HAVE A HELMET!" Papyrus squinted his eyes. "YOU MUST THINK ABOUT YOUR SAFETY, BROTHER!"

"heh, i'll keep that in mind." The little jokester gave Papyrus a goofy wink before shifting his attention to Napstablook. Concerningly, they didn't sport a tracksuit of their own. What would a ghost look like in a tracksuit anyway? "hey, what's up? is something wrong?"

Whoops! Looks like the morose ghost once again didn't expect anyone to check on them! Whoopsie doopsie loopsie! Quick, think of a response that doesn't upset them!

"oh............ i'm ok.............. i just don't have a good imagination, i guess.................."

"OH!!! THAT'S OKAY!!! WE CAN COOK UP AN INCREDIBLE RACE SUIT FOR YOU IF YOU-"

"no..............."

Papyrus turned to Napstablook, confused. "SORRY?"

Darn it. "um............ i meant............. i didn't mean to say that................ sorry.............."

"NO, IT'S OKAY!!! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO RACE, THAT'S FINE!!! IN FACT... WE COULD USE A REFEREE!"

"maybe even a reporter."

"YEAH, A REPORTER!!! WOULD YOU PREFER THAT?"

"yeah........... i guess that's fine............."

At least that would keep Napstablook out of the way, like they always should be. At least, from their point of view, it should be. Why did they speak up at all?

"THEN IT'S SETTLED!!! SANS AND I SHALL COMPETE AGAINST EACH OTHER WHILE YOU REFEREE AND REPORT THE EVENTS!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

Nobody missed Napstablook's small smile as a checkered shirt and headphones with a microphone attached suddenly appeared on their ghostly body. "thank you............."

"heh, any time, pal." Sans winked again before turning back to Papyrus. "hey, bro. i bet i could win more races than you."

"YOU'RE ON!!!"

--------

The first few races were quick (as quick as a snail can be, anyway) and easy (once the brothers figured out how to stay on the snails' shells without sliding off). Napstablook floated off to the side, keeping score. Sans won, then Papyrus won, so on and so forth. But then Sans decided that racing like this was getting a little stale. So why not use magic instead? Nobody said you couldn't use magic in the race, and what fun would it be if he suggested the magic idea to Papyrus? Why not just catch him off guard in the next race?

The only thing that shielded Sans' mischievous grin from being seen was his own helmet (that he dreamed to life after falling off Leonard one too many times). And, as patient as his cyan magic, he waited for dear old Napstablook to finish the countdown.

"three............ two............. one........... ooooooooooo..."

And Papyrus was off!

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!! GO, SID!!! GO, SID!!! YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB." Papyrus patted Sid's shell playfully yet gently. Sid is a sensitive snail, after all. Though he couldn't help but notice that Leonard... didn't move an inch. "HEY, SANS!!! THE RACE STARTED!!! STOP BEING LAZY AND ENCOURAGE YOUR SNAIL!!!"

Ooh, boy! This was gonna be good! "relax, bro. leonard just needs an itty bitty break."

"NOW?!?! WHEN THE RACE JUST STARTED?!?!"

Through his frustration, Papyrus could only make out a simple bob of Sans' helmet head. Oh, whatever! It only meant he was going to win the race, even if his victory would feel unsatisfying.

"NEVER MIND!!!"

Through the rest of the race, the red racer alternated between encouraging his shy snail friend and grumbling to himself about Sans' laziness. Which only made it even more confuzzling when he spotted... Sans and Leonard??? At the finish line??? Already?????? Wait a minute...

"HEY!!! YOU JUST-"

"oh, hey pap." Sans leaned against his snail smugly. "what took you so long?"

"W-WHAT?!?!" As soon as he crossed the finish line, Papyrus leapt off the snail and stormed over towards his cheat of a brother. "YOU... YOU CHEATER!!! YOU USED YOUR MAGIC!!!"

"hey, we didn't discuss anything about magic usage."

"I DIDN'T THINK I HAD TO TELL YOU TO PLAY FAIR!!!"

"you have magic too, pap. you could've used it anytime. it just so happened that i did it first."

"UNBELIEVABLE! YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE!!!"

In the meantime, the ghostly little referee was lying on the ground, staring up at the ceiling of the cavern. Wow. It kind of reminded them of being asleep. The serenity of unconsciousness, the lull rocking them towards pleasant dreams...

Unfortunately for them, all of that was interrupted by the racers arguing in the distance. Oh boy. If the racers were arguing, and they were the referee... That means they have to deal with the conflict... Oh no... They couldn't. They just couldn't. But they had to. Oh no...

Before they gave themselves the chance to back out, the referee floated over.

"so... what's going on..."

"SANS CHEATED BY USING HIS MAGIC!!!"

"hey, nobody said we can't use magic."

"LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I THOUGHT THAT WAS COMMON SENSE!!! LIKE A SILENT AGREEMENT!!!"

"aw, c'mon, you're just upset that-"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, SANS!!! YOU'RE JUST A-"

"-i thought of it first. jeebus, i've never-"

"-CHEATER!!! NO, I DON'T CARE IF WE NEVER DISCUSSED-"

"-seen such a sore loser before. you bonehead."

"-IT, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER, CHEATER!!!"

Oh, what is a ghost to do? Napstablook was never good at confrontation. And they didn't want to take one side over the other because that would leave them with one unhappy party. Besides, what kind of say do they even have in this? They were both right to some degree, and were both wrong to a similar degree. There's absolutely no way for them to... Conflict resolution skills... lacking...

"ok, um.......... could you guys... stop arguing, please..... let's just move onto the next race......... forget about this........" And there they went. That should be good enough, right?

Spoiler alert: no, it was not. Because now it was clear that the unspoken rules could just be thrown away if they wanted to. And hey, what's the use of using a spell that could make their imaginations come to life if they couldn't use it to their full potential?

One thing's for certain now. Things are about to get. Very. Very. Interesting.

--------

The next snail race had begun and Papyrus had a plan. Using his impeccable snail encouraging skills, he sped way ahead of Sans and... stopped in the middle of the track to dig a ditch.

Yes. This definitely couldn't sabotage his chances of getting ahead. Why? Because imagination magic could conjure up 60 shovels and drills all at once! Never mind the fact that Sid was terrified of the loud noises coming from the drills.

"THAT'S RIGHT, DIG!!! DIG!!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!!"

And of course, Napstablook wasn't far behind. "oh...... looks like papyrus is digging a hole........ exciting........"

As Papyrus struck a pose and did his evil laugh, he failed to notice Sans, who was wearing ear defenders, and Leonard, who was somehow wearing matching ear defenders, slowly slithering past in the one spot Papyrus missed - Sans' own lane.

Yup. Way to go, Papyrus. In his defence, he was planning on digging up the entire track. Meanwhile, Sans and his snail cruised by more casually than a professional racer should be. Papyrus was a lot more focused on his evil laugh, anyway.

"oh........ sans won anyway.........."

Papyrus jolted. "WHAT?!?! HOW DID YOU GET THERE ALREADY?!?!"

"at the finish line? if you really wanna know, bro, maybe don't stop to set up traps during a race. that's how you get yourself beat."

"GRRR..."

Next time, Papyrus. Next time, he'll get him.

--------

The next race was a bit of a rollercoaster. Literally.

As soon as the race started, Papyrus immediately turned Sans' side of the track into a rollercoaster and gave poor Leonard wheels so they had no choice but to ride it. And poor Sans, who had only ridden one rollercoaster in his entire life and hated it for reasons, had no choice but to go on it.

"wait, what's thIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS?????" That was all Sans had time to say before the ride really took off, taking him higher, higher, higher... He clinged to his snail as tight as he can, trying to keep it together and not have a panic attack at the fact that he was up somewhere super high with nothing to support him except a slippery snail and his own tiny hands and feet. Yes. This was the perfect position for him to be in right now.

He hated heights. If Sans focused on the fact that he's very high up for even a second, vertigo would immediately come knocking at his head's door and invite itself in, eat all of his food, and make a mess in his mind. And it seemed like that's what's happening, because the poor scared skeleton was already losing his grip.

But even through all this, Sans still refused to give into this. If he grabbed control of his mind and diverted the tracks...

...he would crash into a pillow made of tiny skull-shaped marshmallows??? The entire ground beneath him turned into those. And they all looked like Papyrus' skull, too.

Perfect. Now he can fall.

Before he gave himself the chance to think twice, Sans leaped off of Leonard (who was having fun being a rollercoaster cart anyway, he's fine), closed his eyes and cannonballed into the soft marshmallow goodness on the ground. As he looked over at Papyrus, who had already crossed the finish line, all he could do was chuckle and give him a thumbs up.

Papyrus, on the other hand, looked triumphant, but also remorseful. He had completely forgotten how terrified Sans was of rollercoasters and heights in general until the very last moment. He looked over to the encased slow elevator at the end of the ride to ensure that Sans got down safely. How was Sans supposed to know he added that at the end instead of a huge drop? It was understandable that Sans wanted to get down as quickly as possible. So that thumbs up did a lot to calm his bones.

Speaking of the elevator...

DING! Leonard slid out of the gentle elevator, safe and sound.

At least now Sans felt like he had full permission to take advantage of Papyrus' fear in the next round.

--------

In the very next race, Papyrus managed to launch himself head first into a cobweb Sans conjured up.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" The red racer shrieked as high as his font can go, flailing his arms and legs until he looked more like a blur than a skeleton. He could feel them, he could feel them! Little bugs! Little bugs all over, crawling into his joints, trying to rip off his limbs just like at that picnic!!! Get them off, get them off!!! "NYOO HOO HOO HOO!!!!"

Meanwhile, Sans derpily and slowly crawled past him on his snail, smiling like a sadistic dork as he watched his brother flail around. Even if he did forgive him for the rollercoaster trick, it was nice to see him get his just desserts, despite there not being any real bugs in that cobweb.

Speaking of cobwebs, the bush that outlined the outskirts of the snail farm were inconspicuously full of them. It must've been home to a lot of bugs, monster and non-monster alike. Curious.

--------

The next race was pure sci-fi. Still at it with the spell, the brothers summoned decorated hoverboards for their snail friends.

Papyrus had to hand it to Sans; his hoverboard was very sleek and sophisticated. The blue metallic sheen, the silver stripes, it looked like it just came out of a sci-fi movie! However, Papyrus already knew that Sans reads way too many sci-fi novels, so it was understandable.

Sans, on the other hand, let his eyes glow at the sight of Papyrus' hoverboard. Red with gold flames on it? Yup, that's Papyrus, alright. And it was amazing. Despite everything that happened earlier, he was glad to have such a cool competitor.

"three.......... two.......... one........... oooooooooooo........"

And they're off!!! This time, it was a fair and simple race... with hoverboards and rockets and all sorts. And giant laser puzzles, for some reason. However, the two didn't intend on cheating any longer. They've already used their worst fears against each other. They went far enough.

So they raced their snails through the laser maze, past the ditch Papyrus dug, past the bush with the eight creepy glowing red eyes that neither of them conjured up with magic at all...

So as it was a fair race, it was only fair to be neck and neck. What? Fair is fair.

Sans turned to Papyrus and winked. "hey, bro. i just gotta say you're on fire."

For a moment, Papyrus freaked, screaming and patting all over himself and Sid to try and find the fire. When he finally realised there was no fire, he had no other choice in his mind but to glare at Sans. "HEY!!!"

"what? i didn't mean it literally." Sans winked again.

Papyrus huffed at the tease. "I'M SO GOING TO BEAT YOU FOR THAT!!!" Zoom!

"you're on." Vroom!

Napstablook's announcing was barely audible. "oh, looks like papyrus is up ahead now......... now it's sans....... now it's papyrus......... now it's sans again......... oh this is exciting..........." Yes, they definitely SOUNDED excited.

The background music swelled as Sans and Papyrus were neck and neck once again. Sans, sure that he was about to pull ahead, flopped on his side and waved at Papyrus tauntingly. Papyrus scowled in response, the taunt had fueled his determination to win!

"now it's sans......... now it's papyrus......... now it's sans......... now it's a cobweb.........."

Wait, could Napstablook say that again?

Before Sans and Papyrus could comprehend what they were looking at up ahead, the snails ran straight through it. However, their riders did not make it out, unlike the snails.

"HEY, WAIT!!!" It was too late. The snails had already crossed the finish line. To add insult to injury, it was a tie as well. "DARN IT!!!"

Sans chucked at his predicament. Oh, Papyrus, you really couldn't resist the idea of a little payback, could you? Well, at least now he has the opportunity to tease his brother again. "wow, papyrus. a cobweb at the end of the race? you really couldn't play fair, could you?"

Papyrus gasped in exasperation. "HOW DARE YOU INSINUATE THAT I WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!! IT WAS CLEARLY YOU WHO DID THIS!!!"

Sans' amusement was immediately replaced with unadulterated confusion. "wait, what? me? i thought it was you."

Indignant, Papyrus scanned Sans' face to find any trace of a lie. And much to his confusion, he couldn't find any. "THEN... IF IT WASN'T ME AND IT WASN'T YOU..."

A perfectly timed shadow loomed over the twins as a high-pitched HISSSSSSSS reverberated behind them. Being skeletons, luckily they can turn their heads 180° degrees just to look at this monster.

"aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

A giant, hairy, thin leg threatened to ironically trample the two. Did they really turn that small?!?! It's a good thing they still had magic! At the last second, Sans grabbed Papyrus' wrist and activated his 'shortcut' ability, teleporting both of them out of the web.

They landed a foot away, which considering their size, was about a field's length. Unfortunately, this spider beast thing wasn't going to give up so easily. It stood up on four back legs, waving its four front legs in the air like a horse.

HISSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

"AAAIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" Papyrus screeched as the spider crawled up towards them, ready to trample them again. Sans attempted to grab Papyrus' wrist to teleport them away, but instead, Papyrus' brotherly reflexes started to kick in. He picked him up.

"papyrus, wait-!" And he threw Sans as far as he can. The good news is, Papyrus has great aim, and Sans landed safely in the ditch he dug! The bad news is, it wasn't a smooth landing. "hnnngh..."

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!! ONCE AGAIN, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS VICTORIOUS!!! NO ONE ENSURES HIS BROTHER'S SAFETY BETTER THAN I!!!" Said the skeleton who was about to be trampled by a giant spider bug.

Sans only had two seconds to save his brother, and by gosh, he was going to make the most of them. He climbed up the ditch as fast as he can and focused his left hand until it was just over Papyrus.

Come on, magic... Activate... YES! His soul was blue!!! And Sans' eye flickered his signature blue too.

And just in time too! Just as the spider was about to trample him... Yoink! With a flick of a finger, Papyrus flew across the race track, landing on his side in the slimy, dead grass.

"OOF!!!" Papyrus shook his head, disoriented. "THANK YOU!!!"

Sans called out. "hey, no bro-blem!"

"THAT WAS TERRIBLE!!!"

"i know!"

Okay, where was the spider going now? Oh no.

Napstablook! What were they doing?! They were just standing there when the spider was about to step on them?!?! Why?!?!?! Did they want to... No, NO! They couldn't allow that!!!

Now, was Napstablook incorporeal and therefore would be fine if they were trampled? Yes. Were the brothers still reeling from almost being trampled to death twice and still high on the skeletal equivalent of adrenaline? Also yes.

Which is why Papyrus did what he did. He ran as fast as he could towards the danger and stuck the largest bone he could possibly conjure at his size... and stuck it in the spider's side.

SCREEEEEEEEEECH!!!!

Bad idea.

The spider stomps all over the place, almost crushing Papyrus and Napstablook (not really) in the process.

Sans was right, Papyrus was making very stupid decisions today.

One example being that he decided to dive in to save Napstablook. You know, like an action hero! Except, since ghosts are incorporeal, he flew through them instead and landed flat on the slimy ground. Gross.

"OOF! I'M OKAY! GET BEHIND ME, NAPSTABLOOK! I'LL DEFEND YOU!!!"

"wait........."

Too late. Papyrus already zipped away. Therefore, Napstablook was forced to watch whatever was about to go down between this poor spider and their skeleton... acquaintances? Acquaintances. They didn't have any friends left.

Should they speak up? Tell them what was really going on? If it would stop the conflict, then.

"wait........" They floated after Papyrus. "don't.........."

Unfortunately, Napstablook's words were doomed to be drowned out by the crunch of the dried grass as the spider went back on itself, chasing after Papyrus with all its might, until finally it came across the ditch. Sans' hiding place. And it's coming towards him!

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!" Papyrus called out. "SANS!!!"

Sans had been trying to climb out the ditch. Too bad he wasn't the most athletic person in the world. Or at all.

"hrk... come on... i gotta make sure..." Another unsuccessful attempt at a grip sent Sans down to the bottom again. "dang it..."

The creepily familiar shadow wasn't helping matters. He hoped it was Papyrus. He REALLY hoped it was Papyrus. Or Napstablook, though he doubted ghosts can cast shadows.

He looked up. Yeah, that was pretty much what he expected.

CRUNCH!

"SAAAAAAANS!!!!!" Papyrus' uppercased font is meant to withstand shrieking at very high volumes, but here it seemed like it reached its limit. His voice cracked. "NO!!!"

For some reason the spider recoiled in pain. Were crushed skeleton bones really that sharp?

He looked down in the ditch, expecting to find a pile of dust. Instead, he found a splintered bone structure, haphazardly crafted to look like a spike. And through the bone cracks, he heard rattling. The rattling from a scared, but otherwise unharmed skeleton. Thank goodness!

But the relief didn't last very long. Using yet another one of its legs, the spider put its foot down in an effort to penetrate Sans' makeshift fort, which means Papyrus had to save him. Think, Papyrus, think! What's worse than a thorn to the foot? A thorn to the side!

Using a precise bone attack, he lodged it directly into the spider's side. He made sure it didn't take any damage in the process.

One again, the spider propped itself up on its four rear legs, screeching.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

"NYEH HEH HEH!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!!!" The flamboyant skeleton was once again triumphant! Sans was safe and now the spider's attention was directly on him!

...

The spider's attention was directly on him!!!

"OH, BONEMEAL!!!" He didn't hesitate. The adrenaline filled skeleton had no choice but to run. He ran and ran and ran past Napstablook...

"wait........"

He ran and ran and ran, but he couldn't help but worry about Sans' safety. He only knew that as long as the spider's attention was on him, Sans will be fine. But still! He couldn't help but feel himself being pulled towards Sans' hiding place. He just needed to check on him, but at the same time, he needed to keep the spider off of him. What is a brave brother like him to do?!

It didn't help that the spider was faster and larger than Papyrus. It only took two steps to catch up with him.

"BONEMEAL, BONEMEAL, BONEMEAL!!!!"

A shadow loomed over him. It was over!

CRUNCH!

Papyrus looked up, expecting to see some sort of monster equivalent to Heaven... instead, he sees a huge bone shield blocking the spider's stomp.

Wait, why does his soul feel heavy?

Still reeling from what just happened, Papyrus looked down and... Sans! He's there! He used his bone attacks to keep the spider at bay so he had enough time to grab Papyrus' soul and yank him out of there.

The taller brother only had a split second to notice Sans' left eye was flashing before being tossed out of the leg's radius (heh, radius).

"OOF!!! SANS!!!"

Sans turned to Papyrus. That look on his face... he was clearly straining. "were you gonna move outta there anytime soon?" With that quip, he let his eye fizzle out.

For a moment, Papyrus smiled in relief. Sans wasn't overworking his magic anymore, neither of them are in danger... wait, yes they were! What were they doing?!?!

On the other hand, having his brother save him after he saved him... That feeling of knowing that you're always going to be loved by someone, that you're always going to be protected by someone, no matter what... It filled Papyrus with determination.

And that determination started manifesting at his fingertips. He watched his hands pulse with that familiar but terrifying blue light with small streaks of orange in-between... And then grabbed onto that power.

He tilted his head up at the spider who just tried to crush the two of them... The flash at his fingers spread to his palms... then creeped up his arms, almost making it look like magic veins of blue and orange. He turned to Sans, who was watching in awe as the power filled his bones, before finally launching himself up in the air and...

BOOM!!! Well, that was a spectacle of orange and blue! Right on the head too!

-0 HP! Great job!

The spider didn't seem impressed by the explosion, though. So it just swiped at Papyrus like he was some sort of fly.

"WAIT!!! I HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF MY LAST WORDS YET!!!"

Another explosion. This time, it was of cyan and yellow. The spider shrieked once again, but was it from agony or fear?

And that's when he spotted Sans on the ground, once again overusing his magic to protect Papyrus. Yes. This is why he's fighting.

But it wasn't overusing his magic. Sans knew something felt different about this time. Like instead of draining his magic, it was actually getting stronger. He felt like he could do more, way more than what he usually did. And looking at Papyrus gave him the answer.

Their soul link.

Sans zipped himself onto one of the spider's legs. He may not be able to fly like Papyrus can, but he can sure move fast!

"sup, bro?"

"SUP?! THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?!" Papyrus teased before the fight continued.

Meanwhile, poor Napstablook, the only one who knew what was actually happening, was powerless to stop the fight. Why even bother? Why even try? They were never going to get their attention, so... All they felt like they could do was sit and watch. They were useless. They were worthless.

Should they have tried harder?

The fight continued.

-0 HP. -0 HP! Wow, they're taking a lot of damage! If they tried hard enough, then they could even take 0.1% damage!!!

Then again, neither of them wanted to hurt the creature. They just wanted it to back off. How dare it attack them while they were trying to have a good time?! In their eyes, it had to be put in its place. Papyrus made sure not to deal damage at all, and Sans never went on the offensive, instead using his own powers to defend themselves. So it's really no wonder why they didn't deal any damage.

But it just seemed like taking no damage wasn't teaching it anything. So that's when Papyrus came up with a plan.

"SANS!!!" He called out to Sans, who was busy tap dancing REALLY badly on the spider's back.

"yeah?"

"WHAT TH- UGH, COME HERE, YOU LAZYBONES!!!"

"whyyyyyy?" Sans teased.

"WE NEED TO END THIS!!!"

"don't worry, bro. we're coming up to the end of the chapter."

"NOT THAT!!! REMEMBER THE DUO SPECIAL MOVE?"

Sans' dance slowed to a standstill. "seriously?"

"YES, SERIOUSLY!!! COME ON, GET OVER HERE!!!" Exasperated, Papyrus ran in mid-air towards Sans and reached both his glowing hands towards him. "WE CAN FINISH THIS TOGETHER!!! AND THEN THIS SPIDER WILL KNOW THAT YOU SHOULDN'T TRY TO CRUSH US AND WE'LL BE FINE!!!"

"well... ok... as long as no one gets killed." Sans grabbed both of Papyrus' hand. He could feel the magic rush through his bones already. Oh, yeah. They were truly connected now.

Sans opened his flashing eyes to find that Papyrus' eye sockets were flashing the familiar orange and blue. The colours of trust. At least, that's what Sans associated them with. Someone he can trust.

And that someone just pulled him off the spider's back in the air. You know, heights! Yay! Don't look down, don't look down.

"IT'S OKAY, SANS!!! I GOT YOU!!! JUST HOLD ONTO ME!!!" He did. "ALRIGHT, HERE WE GO!!!"

Napstablook watched helplessly as the brothers, from their point of view at least, turned into this huge ball of energy, constantly fading between brilliant blue and glistening gold light. And bones. Lots of bones.

"SUPER ULTRA MEGA... UGH, SANS!!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY IT WITH ME!!!"

"ok."

Let's try that again.

"Super ultra mega ultimate brother duo special attack!"

They didn't call out their move in sync, and one of the brothers was definitely more enthusiastic about saying it than the other, but it didn't lessen the magical energy they were expelling from their bodies. Using as much force as they can muster, they propelled themselves directly into the spider's forehead.

Unexpectedly, however, instead of a hiss, a feminine voice cried out. "Ow!"

It took the brothers off-guard long enough for them to stop attacking. Clutching his brother, Papyrus floated further away to watch the spider rub its (her) forehead.

"That hurt! What the heck?" Confused, the spider squinted her eyes, finally looking at the brothers properly. "What are you?"

"uh... excuse me?"

"Oh, and you talk!"

"YEAH, NYEH HEH... WE TALK A LOT..." Awkward. "HEY, WHY WERE YOU STOMPING ALL OVER US, ANYWAY?"

The spider looked almost offended at that question. "Excuse me? Oh, I'm SORRY!" She threw up her arms sarcastically. "All I wanted to do was take my usual shortcut through the snail farm, how was I supposed to know there would be two pests here?! I really need to get a word in with Napstablook."

Sans scrunched his eye sockets. This spider wasn't very pleasant. Papyrus, hugging his brother close, slowly floated down to the ground, right where Napstablook was, in fact.

"sorry, you two............."

"wait, you know this guy?" Sans cocked a bonebrow incredulously, but softened when he saw Napstablook shrink down.

The spider seemed to have noticed Napstablook too. "Wait, why are you small now- Oh, whatever! I have fliers to put up. I can't believe I almost trampled monsters I thought were spikebeetles! Seriously, what a day..."

"HEY!!!" Papyrus called out. Despite her attitude, he really did want to make amends. "YOU KNOW IT'S NOT PARTICULARLY NICE TO GET LIKE THAT OVER A MISUNDERSTANDING! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT! WHY DON'T WE PRACTICE EXCHANGING SINCERE APOLOGIES AND MOVE ON WITH OUR DAYS? OKAY? I'LL GO FIRST!!! I AM VERY SORRY FOR ATTACKING YOU."

Sans beamed up at his brother. Man, he's just so cool! Even after everything, he still turned the other cheek. Welp, might as well do the same. "yeah, me too. sorry about that."

Unfortunately, the spider girl didn't get the memo. "Yeah, you better be! Jeebus, you really need to invite better guests, Napstablook!"

"i know........... i'm sorry.........."

"Hmph! Well, if you excuse me, I have fliers to put up. Good riddance!" With one final indignant huff, the spider took out a piece of paper about 100 times her size (it really set into perspective just how small the twins and Napstablook made themselves) and scuttled across the farm, never to be seen again.

With that rude spider gone, there was only one more thing to address: Napstablook, who was already half-faded from the unwarranted chastising.

"buddy, no offence, but you really need to stand up for yourself."

"YEAH!!! YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE UP JUST BECAUSE NO ONE'S LISTENING!!! DID YOU EVEN SAY ANYTHING DURING THAT FIGHT?!"

Oh no... It all caught up to them... Well, might as well get the truth out there. They already handled one person's wrath, why not two more before being alone again?

"well........ i tried but.......... it wasn't like you could hear me......... so i just.........."

The skeletons' questioning faces gave way to worry and shame. "GAVE UP?"

Napstablook couldn't answer. Instead, they looked down, expecting another chastising. Instead, the brothers sat beside them as Sans spoke gently.

"bud... i'm sorry we didn't listen to you..."

"no........ it's not your fault.......... you were scared and........."

"LISTEN, NAPSTABLOOK, YOU CAN'T JUST NOT MAKE YOUR VOICE NOT... WAIT. YOU CAN'T- UM... YOU CAN'T NOT VOICE NOT... UHH..."

"take your time."

Papyrus huffed in frustration as he tried to untangle his words. "WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS, YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK UP MORE!!! WE DIDN'T MEAN TO KEEP YOU OUT OF THE WAY!!! I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE YOU GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO... STAY OUT OF THE WAY?"

Silence. The silence gave the answer.

"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT." Papyrus sighed. "YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T WE CALL OFF THE SPELL AND YOU CAN SHOW US SOMETHING YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?"

Sans perked up a bit. "yeah, show us some of your favorite spoooooooky activities. i bet it'll be ghoul."

Napstablook's form ceased fading. "oh........ you would do that........."

"YEAH!!! WE DON'T WANT TO UNINTENTIONALLY GHOST YOU AGAIN! NYEH HEH HEH!!!" Papyrus didn't miss Sans' snort at the joke. "EVEN IF IT'S NOT EXCITING, WE STILL WANT TO DO SOMETHING THAT WILL INCLUDE YOU!!!"

A side of Napstablook's mouth twitched upwards. "yeah........ that would be nice.........."

"neat. so, what did we learn? learn to listen and yearn to be heard." Sans recalled to himself. Papyrus and Napstablook nodded in agreement as the two racer snails, Sid and Leonard, slithered over to make sure their owner was ok.

"ha ha.........." Napstablook was always at their happiest when they had the snails... and music. "thank you for showing them a good time......... ok.......... can we deactivate the spell then.........."

"yeah, we should. i'd rather be my normal font of small again, you know what i mean?"

"OH YES!!!" Papyrus laughed as the boys attempted to hug Napstablook and deactivate the spell. Emphasis on 'attempted."

"OUCH!" "oof!"

The corners of Napstablook's mouth propped themselves up a little as they watched the silly twins headbump each other and fall to the ground, even if they fell through them. "oh dear.........."

And like that, everything was green once again.

--------

Well... this activity wasn't exactly stimulating, but at least no one was bored anymore.

The trio were lying down on the floor of Napstablook's house, staring into what appeared to be the void of space and time. Stars swirled around them, lulling them into a sense of security. It was calm, peaceful. They were safe here. And they knew it.

Was this really a family tradition? Lying on the floor and feeling like garbage? Because if so, the brothers wouldn't mind feeling like garbage for quite some time.

And after the day they've had, it's nice to finally have some peace with their ghostly host.

Chapter Text

"YOU'RE SO UNDEAD!!!"

"heh, that's a good one."

"OH, SHUT UP!!!"

A barrage of snowballs flew around the forest. And where else could they have come from but two skeletons using their magic to construct the most hardcore snowball fight possible? Although right now, it appeared that Papyrus has the upper hand on the offensive side of things. He had his eye sockets keenly locked in on his smaller target - albeit, the target was notoriously hard to hit. Curse his perfect dodging skills!

"STOP DODGING, SANS!!!" Papyrus grunted as he threw another three snowballs. "YOU'RE MAKING THIS UNFAIR!!!"

Sans effortlessly dodged all three of them. "not my fault i'm such a perfect dodger."

"OOH, YOU GET SO COCKY!!!" Playfully frustrated, Papyrus lifted a particularly large snowball with his strength, before hurling it directly at Sans.

It hit a tree instead.

"hehehehe! missed me."

"NOT FOR LONG!!!" The barrage of snowballs continued, one after the other, Sans dodging all of them. Until something unexpected happened.

Bump!

"oof!"

"Whoa! Sorry, little guy! Are you alright?" A kindly rabbit monster, wearing a thick snow jacket and boots, while also carrying a pile of posters, reached down to help Sans up. Sans sheepishly accepted the hand.

"yeah, sorry. i was the one who bumped into ya." The sheepish skeleton rubbed the back of his skull. Huh. Looks like his hat was knocked off at some point. Oh, there it was, lying on the ground. He bent over to pick it up just as a snowball whizzed past him and-

POOF! Right on the rabbit's chest. "Oh!"

Papyrus, immediately realising what he had done, ran over frantically. "OH MY GOD, I'M SO SORRY!!! I WAS TRYING TO GET MY BROTHER, I SWEAR!!!"

"No, no, it's alright." The kind rabbit laughed, before his partner, who neither brother noticed before now, spoke up.

"Tailo, could you pass me another poster, please?"

"Of course, Honeybun." The other rabbit, a purple female wearing a thick, fluffy coat (a fluffy coat on a fluffy coat... strange), happily took one of the posters and started hammering it into one of the thicker trees.

Papyrus had to admit, it was hilarious to see Sans trying to see it over their ears.

"WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?"

"You haven't heard?" Honeybun teased. "Oh, of course you didn't, you're new."

Tailo laughed. "Every year, Snowdin hosts a Snowathon."

"what's a snowathon?" He was getting to that, Sans.

"Oh, a Snowathon is a series of sport events that we can only do in Snowdin. It's an annual competition. We ski, we build snowmen, we skate..." Somehow, the rabbits missed the way Papyrus' eyes lit up. "And the winners get medals. It's nothing too crazy, really, but monsters from all over the underground love it because it gives us something to do other than wasting away in darkness and isolation, you know?"

Well, that's... morbid. At least Sans thought so. Despite the lack of sunlight, the underground really isn't that bad. He never understood why people seemed to hate it so much. It's like every day, there's something else to discover. Always something fresh, something new. Why can't they see it too?

On the other hand, Sans could see why this competition was so loved. It's just culture. Some cultures focus more on music, some focus more on art, or food, but some focus more on sports. Monster society appeared to be centering their culture on its people and their relationships as far as Sans knows, and sporting events? Competitions? That's just one of many ways people can build their relationships with each other. Besides, it's just harmless fun at the end of the day, so he has nothing against the Snowathon.

And it seemed like Papyrus is the opposite of being against the Snowathon. When Sans turned to look at him, all he could register in his face was sheer, pure excitement. And gosh, was it contagious! A warm, loving sentiment latched onto Sans' soul and squeezed it so hard he couldn't help but smile more. Gosh, his brother is so cool!

Papyrus turned to Sans with a look that says, "HOW AND WHERE CAN I SIGN UP?". And that's when Sans knew that yup, looks like they know what they're going to be doing for the next... when was the Snowathon?

"so, when is it?"

Honeybun giggled. "February 6th. Don't miss it!" And there the bunnies went, off to hang up more posters. And that's a good thing, because now the brothers can look at the poster themselves. And that's what they did. It's a very well-made poster. Sans thought the artist deserves a big pat on the back... and a cookie.

Papyrus buzzed with excitement while he read the poster. His arms flapped, his ribs rattled, his foot stomped the ground, all this repetitively, continuously. And the ecstatic-ness was so contagious that Sans just had to switch between bouncing on his toes and rocking back and forth on the spot.

"SANS, WE HAVE TO GET IN THAT COMPETITION!!!"

"you do you, pal, but you know i'm not an athlete."

"FINE, BUT I'M STILL EXPECTING YOU TO BE THERE AS MORAL SUPPORT!!!"

"are you kiddin'? i wouldn't miss it for the world."

The brothers ended their little session with a hug.

--------

Sans and Papyrus don't travel to this side of Snowdin often, if at all. Most of the houses were here, along with various stores, confession stands, and most of all, a huge clearing that's mostly reserved for children to play in, but once a year, it's where the Snowathon takes place. According to the poster, the twins just had to look for a booth to sign up for it.

As the boys travelled closer to the Snowathon area, their minds were just trying to take in the amount of activity that was happening at once. How many workers were there? There must've been hundreds setting up the slope and the ice rink. Heck, there were even snow testers to test the snow to see if it was the right consistency for snowman building! They were really going all out!

"whoa..." Sans scanned the arena, taking in every last detail. "we should come here more often."

"WE REALLY SHOULD!!!" Papyrus gaped at the amount of logs the marshalls had set down on the hillside. Rows upon rows of logs... How many trees did they have to cut down for that? Don't think about it.

"they're really going all out, huh?"

"OF COURSE THEY ARE, SANS!!! IT'S A POPULAR EVENT!!! THOUGH I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER..."

Sans tilted his head as Papyrus pulled an exaggerated thinking pose. "wonder what?"

"WONDER IF... IF..." He gasped at the idea. "IF THE ROYAL GUARD WERE GOING TO BE THERE!!! DO YOU THINK THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE PLACE IN THE COMPETITION?! WHAT ABOUT UNDYNE?! DO YOU THINK SHE'LL BE IMPRESSED BY MY MIRACULOUS SKILLS?!"

Oh, of course. The Royal Guard. The military group Papyrus is obsessed with getting into. Sans glanced at Papyrus with a teasing smile.

"...WHAT'S THAT LOOK FOR?!"

"sorry, i thought you're wondering how you're gonna compete with your fly down."

"WHAT?!?!" Papyrus immediately checked the fly on his jeans, and lo and behold, it was unzipped! He immediately zipped it back up, trying not to blush at the embarrassment. Curse tiny jeans that only reached his knees! "I BLAME YOU FOR THAT!!!"

"hehehe, ok, ok. but about the royal guard..."

"AH, YES!!!" Oh, Papyrus. Always bouncing back. God, he's so cool. "SO, IF WE'RE BEING LOGICAL HERE, WHICH I KNOW YOU'RE GOOD AT, THEN IF THIS EVENT IS SO POPULAR, THEY'RE GOING TO NEED SECURITY! AND WHAT BETTER SECURITY DO WE HAVE THAN THE ROYAL GUARD, RIGHT?!"

"yeah, that makes logical sense."

"SO THAT MEANS I HAVE THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW THEM MY MOVES!!!" Papyrus ran on the spot as he imagined it. "CAN'T YOU SEE IT, BROTHER?! ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AS A WORLD-RENOWNED SNOWATHON COMPETITOR!!!"

The excitable dork wrapped his arm around Sans as he fantasised.

--

Papyrus: the perfect skiier! He puffs his chest out and flips off one of the ramps, landing flawlessly at the bottom of the hill. His beautiful scarf flaps in the wind as the audience gives him a round of applause.

Papyrus: the master of snowmen! He creates an exact replica of himself, muscles and all. The audience is immediately floored by his creativity and craftsmanship, most of all the Royal Guard! Their jaws are literally on the floor! It's a landslide victory!

"ALL EYES WILL BE ON ME!!!"

Papyrus: the flawless skater! Watch him do all the tricks and skips gracefully, like a swan taking its first dive, or something like that. The audience is so impressed they practically summon Undyne themselves, and now she's in awe of his beautiful figure skating! As he crosses the finish line, Papyrus knows who all that applause was really for. Now he's on a podium, getting medals and trophies and Undyne formally accepted him into the Royal Guard on the spot!

"I WILL IMPRESS THEM SO MUCH THEY WILL MAKE ME A ROYAL GUARD JUST LIKE THAT!!! AND THEN IN WILL COME THE SHOWERS OF KISSES AND NEW FRIENDS AND WE CAN ALL DANCE AND DO WHATEVER FRIENDS DO FOREVER AND EVER!!!"

--

Sans had to admit, it was amusing to see Papyrus this excited about a competition. However, he also knew that he had his head in the clouds, so it was time for a healthy dose of reality.

He shook Papyrus gently. "that's great, but that's a bit of a stretch, ain't it?"

Shaken out of his daydreaming, but no less hopeful, Papyrus posed confidently. "WELL, I'LL STILL BE THE COOLEST PERSON OUT THERE, NO BONES ABOUT THAT!!!"

Sans couldn't help but agree. "yup. you're cooler than freshly laid snow." He looked around. "say, where's that booth, anyhow?"

"HMM, GOOD QUESTION. LET'S ASK AROUND!!!"

Let's see, which worker would know? As the skeletons checked to see which worker has the time to answer their questions, Sans couldn't help but overhear two of the workers talking about... something. Being the naturally curious skeleton he is, Sans decided to just... have a little listen. It's not a big deal, it's not eavesdropping, everything's fine, it's cool. But of course, where Sans went, Papyrus went too.

A mouse and a bear were talking amongst themselves.

"So, do you think the polar bear is gonna show up this time?"

"That polar bear? Haha! He shows up every year. Chances are he's probably gonna win again."

"Yeah. Honestly, I just want to know who'll be getting second place. No one cares about the first place trophy anymore. We already know it'll be going to the bear."

"Of course it will. Ha, you know what's funny?"

"What?"

"It's gonna be the seventh year in a row where the polar bear wins the competition. That's the same as the amount of human souls we need!"

"Ho ho! That's pretty funny, Squeakzin."

"...Do you think a human will show up this year?"

"I doubt it. There hasn't been any humans since... forever. Chances are, we'll be doing this Snowathon thing for the rest of our lives."

The mouse opened his mouth to object, but he was startled by the skeletons that just appeared in his peripheral vision.

"Whoa!"

The bear looked at them too. "Oh, heya, fellas! You need some help?"

"OH, YES, ACTUALLY!!! HELLO, I AM THE-"

Squeakzin squeaked in excitement. "You're the skeletons we've heard about! Oh, you two make life such a joy, I've heard of the time you caused an avalanche and wrecked Grillby's with a dog and the detective work at the resort, man, someone could write a whole book on you two! Or maybe a multi-chapter internet story, because everything's on the internet nowadays! Haha, am I right?!"

"uh, yeah." How perplexing. How often did the residents of Snowdin gossip about their escapades? Also, wow, this mouse is energetic. Almost as energetic as-

"WELL WELL WELL!" Papyrus puffed out his chest proudly and laughed. "SOMEBODY KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING AT!!! IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY REFRESHING! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

Eh, best not to think about it. "yup, that's us. so, what's with this polar bear?"

"SANS, I THOUGHT WE WERE LOOKING FOR THE SIGN-UP BOOTH!"

"yeah, i know, but i can't bear to leave without hearing about this guy first."

Papyrus shot Sans a deadpan glare. "STICK TO THE PRANKS."

Sans shrugged. "i forgot my whoopie cushion."

Papyrus facepalmed. "UGH. OKAY, SO WHO'S THIS BEAR GUY?"

"Oh, well, it's certainly not Bearie, am I right?" Squeakzin punched the brown bear, Bearie, playfully. All she could respond with was a sigh.

"No, it's not me. It's this polar bear who comes around once a year for one reason: to make sure no one but him gets first place. If you ask me, that polar guy's a bit of a jerk."

"OH." Papyrus tilted his head and cocked an eyebrow. "MAYBE HE JUST LIKES TO COME BY FOR THE COMPETITION AND ENDS UP WINNING EVERY TIME BECAUSE HE'S REALLY GOOD!"

The mouse tittered, his large foot thumping wildly in the snow. "You're probably right! And for all we know, he's gonna win this year too!" A sudden thought made him stop and think. "At least... We THINK they're a 'he'... the polar bear never actually spoke, like, ever."

Okay, now this is REALLY strange. "really? ain't that kinda strange? this silent polar guy just appears, wins and leaves? don't you see him at any other time of year?"

Both animals shook their heads.

"huh. welp. thanks, guys." With that, Sans spun on his heel and turned to leave. He didn't get very far before Papyrus stopped him, though.

"HEY, WAIT!!! WHERE'S THE BOOTH?"

Bearie simply pointed to the booth that was literally just down the hill.

"O-OH." Papyrus chuckled sheepishly before he waved goodbye. "THANK YOU!!!"

As they walked down the hill, they noticed that there's only one other person in the line. Huh. They either must be really late or really early. Nonetheless, the twins stepped in the line anyway.

Sans couldn't help but wonder about that polar bear. Eh, might as well ask Papyrus something. "so, you gonna try and beat this bear?"

"NO."

Sans blinked. That was an unexpected response. "no?"

Finally, it was his turn in line. Papyrus bent down and proudly scrawled his name on the list. Turned out, five other people already signed it. They were on time, then. "I'M NOT DOING THIS TO WIN, SANS!" He then turned to his brother and pointed directly at his face. "WINNING ONLY MATTERS WHEN IT'S AGAINST YOU!" Boop!

Sans had been booped! "haaaaaaaaaaaa."

Papyrus couldn't help but smile at his dorky brother. Sans' eyelights were about five times their usual size now! And they were crossed! He took his finger off of Sans' nasal cavity and struck a pose.

"I DON'T NEED A FIRST PLACE TROPHY TO PROVE MY WORTH!!! WHAT I NEED IS RESPECT!!! RECOGNITION!!! FROM THE ROYAL GUARDS THEMSELVES!!! ONCE THEY SEE HOW COOL AND ATHLETIC AND STRONG I AM, THEY'LL SURELY LET ME IN!!! AT LEAST, THAT'S HOW I THINK IT'LL WORK..."

Sans uncrossed his eyes. Man, Papyrus and his fantasies. Should he tell them that's not how it works? Eh. Nah, he'd rather let him have his fun. Besides, there was still so much to explore here. He didn't want to miss out on that. And frankly, neither did Papyrus.

Speaking of Papyrus, his eye sockets brightened again suddenly. "LE GASPA!!! THE ICE RINK!!!" The excitable skeleton impulsively ran off without Sans. Luckily, Sans had an easy way to catch up. He took a shortcut next to the rink.

Pop!

Papyrus was so startled by Sans' presence that he slipped on the ice and crashed into the workers, like he was the bowling ball getting a strike.

"SANS!!!"

"whoops." Sans chuckled as Papyrus struggled to stand up on the ice rink. Man, how was he going to do this competition?

As he watched his bowling ball of a brother, Sans heard a frantic, androgynous, middle-aged voice behind him.

"What do you mean the commentator can't make it?! What? Fallen down? His mother? My condolences. But where am I going to get a new commentator on such short notice?!"

Sans didn't mean to eavesdrop, he really didn't. But he was just so curious! His eyes locked onto the pale wolf with wooden antlers. Oh, Sans knew that species! The manager is a woodwolf, wolf monsters with wooden antlers growing out of their head. He once saw pictures of woodwolves having big bushy antlers that can grow leaves and flowers and sometimes even berries and fruits in the summer. Of course, it's not like they even have summer here, and they were in the most wintery part of the underground. So this woodwolf's antlers remained barren. At least they're rocking that suit.

The sneaky lowercaser continued to listen in.

"Fine, I'll think of something. Bye!" Almost immediately after they hung up, the wolf buried their head in their hands and started muttering to themself. "Oh, Mahogany, what to do? The competition is in five days, where are you gonna get a new commentator?"

A small spark ignited in Sans' mind. Commentating. What does commentating consist of? Observing what happens during the event, narrating, making jokes and comments... That's a lot like being on stage in a restaurant in the resort! It's also the perfect excuse to gush about his brother, since he'll be competing! Talking him up, giving him a confidence boost, love and support while making jokes and making observations in general? Was this destiny?

To Sans, it was a no-brainer what he had to do. "i'll do it."

Wut.

Mahogany was thrown out of their anxious spiral only to find a short skeleton standing near them. Wait... it wasn't just any short skeleton either.

"Y-You..."

"sup? i'm sans. sans the skeleton." He pulled out his left hand. Mahogany hesitated, though. Huh. Oh well. He placed his hand back inside his pocket. "i do stand up from time to time. if you need someone to take over the commentating job, i'm your guy."

"A comedian... Yeah... Yeah, I've heard of you. Didn't you break your leg onstage that one time?"

Okay, what? How much gossiping do the townies do? Sans rubbed the back of his skull sheepishly. "yeah, i guess you could say i took 'break your leg' a little too literally."

The woodwolf laughed lightly. "Okay, okay. Well, as long as you can improvise and you're comfortable being on a microphone in front of lots of people, then I guess you got the job. Phew. Thank you for stepping up. You're a miracle."

Sans summoned a bone and twirled it around absentmindedly, chuckling. "sure thing, pal. and sure, i've got the backbone to handle such a-" BONK! Right on the forehead! Watch where you're twirling your bone, mister!

With another light chuckle, the now much calmer Mahogany walked off with a hand on their head. Sans figured it must be the relief running through their bones.

"Thank you... Thank you..."

Being a sports commentator, huh? That's something Sans can manage just fine! Oh, there's Papyrus.

"SANS, THERE YOU ARE!!! COME ON, WE NEED TO TRAIN!!! WE ONLY HAVE FIVE DAYS TO DO IT!!!"

"coming, bro."

--------

"SANS, STOP PUSHING!!!"

"ssh, it's ok, bro. you don't have to be afraid."

"I'M NOT AFRAID OF SKIING, SANS, I JUST HAVEN'T PUT MY KNEEPADS ON YET!!! GET OFF!!!"

Ah, your brother. He's the perfect person to push you down a slippery slope to your impending doom. Not really, because this is a small slope for practice, but still!

Oh, and he's also the perfect person to jump on your back just as you start to go down.

"yeah, you got this bro, i believe in yooooooouuuu......."

"WAIT SANS WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT SANS NO STOP-"

Splat! They faceplanted straight in the snow.

Papyrus groaned into the snowpoff his face was half-buried in. "I THINK I'D RATHER SKI ALONE."

"ok."

So he tried to ski alone!

SPLAT! Same result.

"dang, i swear you were good at this once."

"SHUT UP, SANS!!!"

Sans was the first to emerge from the snow. And all he did was sit beside Papyrus and pat his back. "hey, we still have five days to practice. let's try the snowman thing now, you're good at that."

Groaaaaaan. "OKAY..."

The duo built snowmen, but something felt... familiar about it. Snow skeleton... Cleocatra... Abraham Lincoln...

Don't call your brother a bedwetter, Sans.

"hey, bro..." No no no don't say it don't say it! "do you still wet the bed?"

Papyrus' face instantly contorted into a scowl. Watching his brother laugh at his silly callback made him want to pelt a snowball in his face.

So he did.

SPLAT! Right in the eye socket!

"hehehe... i deserved that."

"YES, YOU DID!!!"

The snowmen seemed to be going well. Boring! Time for some ice skating!

Papyrus gracefully glided across the ballless Ball Game. Seemed like it was getting maintenance or something? How does one put maintenance on a patch of ice???

It doesn't matter, because The Great Papyrus is amazing at skating! He had certainly improved on the ice since last time he skated on here! All that slipping and sliding wasn't Papyrus enough for the big game. He had to make an impression. He was DETERMINED to-

A snowball whizzed past him.

"WHOA!!! WHAT WAS THAT?!?!" The cool dude's head whipped round and round to try and find the culprit. Was it the dog? He wouldn't be surprised if it was! Much to his disappointment, however, all he could find was a nonchalant Sans leaning against the nearest tree. And all he did was shrug. Of course. Sans shrugs about as much as he winks, Papyrus knows that.

Oh, well, back to skating! Oh, how Papyrus glided across the ice! How majestic! How beautiful! How-

SPLAT!

"HEY!!!" The poor skeleton only had time to wipe the snow out of his nasal cavity before an entire barrage of snowballs pelted him from all directions. He yelped and grunted as he dodged as many snowballs as possible. To his credit, he did pretty well. Only a few snowballs hit his legs and shoulders.

But still, where were these snowballs coming from?! No teenager would've been able to throw these snowballs at THAT quickly a pace! The only explanations there are would've been if there were snowball machine guns being fired at him for criminally practicing on the ice... or someone was using telekinesis.

Telekinesis...

Papyrus slowly turned his head towards his brother with the angriest 'I'm so done' expression he could muster. And of course, there he was, his left hand up high like he was a school kid putting his hand up to go to the bathroom, his left eye flashing like a disco ball, pelting him with snowballs from all directions. He only stopped once he realised Papyrus wasn't having it. Whoops.

"hey, bro."

Papyrus glared directly through Sans' eye sockets and straight into his soul. He didn't speak, didn't move... Well, he did, but only so he could get closer to Sans. A distinct sound of angry rattling rang from his ribcage. Oh dear. Why did Sans feel smaller than usual?

"heh heh..." He's in trouble. "heyyyy, i just thought... uhh... you know, just in case... it was... it was funny." Was it?

"..."

"..."

The rattling increased. Even Papyrus' head was vibrating now. Sans really needed to break the ice before it got any worse. No, not literally. That wouldn't help anyone.

"oh jeez, chill out, bro. i didn't mean to get in the way of your training like that." Googly eyes popped out of Papyrus' skull as he vibrated. He looked like one of those janky 3D animations from the 90's, and not the professional ones, either.

Sans sighed. He resigned himself to his fate. "are we gonna do that thing where we fight and not talk to each other but we make up like halfway through the big game and you win through the power of friendship?"

That snapped Papyrus out of it. "WHAT? NO, THAT'S SUCH A CLICHE!! I'M NOT GOING TO STOP TALKING TO YOU OVER SNOWBALLS!!!" He huffed, trying to hide his amused smile. "IN FACT, I THINK WE SHOULD TALK MORE!!! YOU SEE, AS A COMPETITOR, I KNOW I HAVE TO GIVE IT MY BEST SO THE ROYAL GUARD CAN NOTICE ME!!!"

"haven't they already noticed you? they like you, you know?"

"YEAH, I KNOW, BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO PUT ME IN THE ROYAL GUARD, I'M AFRAID."

"eh, fair enough."

"SO I THINK WE SHOULD GO OVER YOUR ROLE AS MY NUMBER ONE SUPPORTER!!! FIRSTLY, THEY DON'T THROW SNOWBALLS AT THE PERSON THEY'RE SUPPORTING!!!"

"got it. and don't worry, i won't be able to anyway. i'm gonna be the announcer."

"THANK YOU, SANS!!! NOW YOU-" Eyeballs popped out of Papyrus' eye sockets in surprise. "WAIT, YOU'RE WHAT?"

Ooh boy. Sans rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "uh, apparently the usual commentator couldn't make it, so i decided... hey, why the heck not, y'know? i figured it would be good to..." Sans didn't miss the way Papyrus' eyes sparkled with joy. His shoulders lost their tension almost instantly at the sight, and he spoke with more confidence. "i'd get to make jokes and make sure everyone notices your coolest moments on the day-"

Sans was only interrupted when Papyrus grabbed his cheeks and pulled him closer to him. "OH MY GOD, SANS, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!! YOU WERE ACTUALLY PROACTIVE!!! AND IN A POSITION WHERE YOU COULD GET EVERYONE TO NOTICE ME, INCLUDING THE ROYAL GUARD??? YOU'RE THE GREATEST BROTHER EVER!!!"

Lost in his excitement, Papyrus picked Sans up and spun him around until they both started giggling. His feet constantly stomped and kicked the snow around in the process. By the end of it, they were both rattling with pure joy.

"WELL, SECOND GREATEST AFTER ME, BUT YOU'RE THE GREATEST BROTHER I COULD POSSIBLY ASK FOR! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

Sans was pretty sure that his face was flushing from the praise, but he didn't care. "aww, bro."

They exchanged a brief hug before Papyrus finally put Sans down. And by 'put', he was actually dropped. He was dropped with love, though.

"oof!"

As Sans got up and brushed himself off, ready to listen to whatever Papyrus had to say next... He spotted something. A bush. The bush. The perfect bush. He must... push brother... in bush...

In the middle of his excited lecture, Papyrus suddenly felt Sans give him a surprisingly powerful push. "HEY!!!" Okay, it wasn't surprising, skeletons were light as heck, and Papyrus always wore light clothes, but still! Rude! Oh, and Sans just kept pushing him!

"SANS!!!"

"what?" Push!

"STOP THAT!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" Frustrated, Papyrus turned around to see what Sans was trying to push him to. Oh goodness! It's the bush! Well, he wasn't going to get away with it that easy!

The battle was on! Both brothers tried to push each other into the poor, unsuspecting bush. Neither of them could stay serious for long, as they were laughing and protesting even before they were right next to it. The pushing escalated into a full-on tussle before they both fell into the poor little patch of sticks and leaves. At least they laughed about it. They laughed for about ten seconds before Papyrus snapped back to serious mode.

"RIGHT!!!" Papyrus propelled himself out of the bush. "NO MORE GAMES, SANS!!! WE NEED TO PRACTICE SERIOUSLY IF WE HAVE ANY CHANCE OF GETTING NOTICED BY THE ROYAL GUARD!!! GET YOUR COMMENTATOR FACE ON, SANS, BECAUSE-"

What was Sans wearing? Fake angry eyebrows? Yup. Big bushy fake angry eyebrows. Papyrus had to admit, they looked super goofy on him. One could probably guess what happened next.

"THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!!" Papyrus reached into his hammerspace and pulled out his own pair of big bushy fake angry eyebrows, and stuck them just above his eye sockets, just like Sans had done. "WE ONLY HAVE FIVE DAYS BEFORE THE COMPETITION!!! SO WE NEED TO IMPROVE FAST! AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST METHOD OF IMPROVING OURSELVES FAST IS??"

"a montage."

"EXACTLY!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!! SANS, START THE MONTAGE!!!"

----

Montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage Dogamy that's a ski, not a stick montage montage montage montage montage

Montage montage montage montage backflip into the void montage montage montage montage montage montage montage whoops wrong Papyrus better put him back montage montage montage montage montage montage

Montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage why is Sans dressed up like a polar bear montage montage montage montage montage yeah shave that costume for no reason whatsoever montage montage montage montage montage

Montage montage montage montage doesn't even look like a word anymore montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage Papyrus looks great in a tracksuit montage

Montage montage montage montage sorry Ice Wolf montage montage montage montage montage

Montage montage yeah working together montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage montage they're ready

--------

This is it. The big day.

The venue was a lot busier than either brother was expecting. Monsters from all over the underground quickly filled the log seats and the empty space in between. Confectionery stands had long, long lines, and some monsters even bought t-shirts, foam hands and wrist bands as well as other merchandise for this event.

The Royal Guard were naturally working as marshalls, so as part of their duty, they had to keep a very close eye on the participants and the events themselves. It was absolutely perfect for Papyrus! Having the Royal Guard be front and center to his incredible tricks is just what he wanted! It was his chance to make a name for himself, to impress them enough to be placed into the Royal Guard on the spot! That's what he hoped for, strived for.

Sans, on the other hand, was so glad he's going to be commentating in a more isolated booth. He has massively gotten over his stage fright when it came to performing comedy, but to do it in front of hundreds and hundreds of monsters was still a little bone-rattling for him. Not to mention the constant overlapping conversations, the claustrophobic feeling of being in a crowd, just a face among many faces... It was overwhelming for the comedian. He just wanted to have a chance to make jokes and give Papyrus as much support as possible.

The two brothers headed up the tallest hill for the first event, Sans trailing behind Papyrus. Wow... He looked so cool in that uniform. Oh yeah. As soon as Papyrus signed in, he was given a uniform with the number of his choice. He didn't mention that to Sans. What number did Papyrus pick?

"heh, y'know, that outfit really works on ya."

"THANK YOU, BROTHER!!!"

Sans thought for a bit. "hey, uh, why'd you pick the number 1, anyway? i thought you didn't care if you one."

Papyrus suppressed a smile. "ONE IS MY FAVORITE NUMBER, SANS! IT REMINDS ME OF YOU!" That's when he let the smile out.

Gosh darn it, Papyrus definitely wanted to make Sans' metaphorical heart explode. "aww, stahp it."

"NEVER!!!" Papyrus declared as he gave Sans a little noogie. The shorter skeleton giggled in his grip before he finally pushed his adoring brother away.

Finally, they made it to the top of the hill. That only meant one thing: they had to split up.

Sans turned towards the booth. "alright, alright. you go on ahead, bro. i'll be over there."

"FAREWELL, BROTHER!!!" Papyrus cheerfully waved off Sans as they went their separate ways. Alright! Time to check out the competition!

The competition was... varied, Papyrus would say. From passionate athletes to simple parents doing it for their children (which was cute to see), but there were a couple of them that stood out. One of which was this rock girl who was hopping around on one ski. One ski? How was she going to do this competition with one ski? Nonetheless, she looked determined, and that kind of determination assured Papyrus that it was more than okay to believe in her ability. Just the fact that she got to the top of the hill without legs was good enough for him!

But then he spotted someone else. A familiar face. The face of one of the people that Papyrus wanted to impress, whose sudden appearance rattled him right down to the marrow.

"DOGGO?!?!"

"Huh? Papyrus? Oh, it's you."

"I DIDN'T KNOW ROYAL GUARDS CAN TAKE PART IN THE COMPETITION!!! OR ARE YOU MARSHALLING?"

"Nope. Taking part."

Papyrus blinked in awe and slight confusion. "WAIT, AREN'T YOU, UM... BLIND?"

Doggo shrugged. "Sort of. I can only see moving things, remember? And when I'm skiing or skating or doing anything like that, it's like the world's moving for me. It makes it easier to see, you know?"

Papyrus' eyes sparkled in awe. The Royal Guards are so... ingenious! That only meant that HE had to be ingenious too! Okay, Papyrus. You got this. You got this you got this...

Wait, why are the competitors murmuring? Are they talking about his greatness? Wait, why was he encased in shadow all of a sudden?

Papyrus looked to his side and... Oh. That was why. It was him. The polar bear.

The polar bear towered over Papyrus. He was about as muscular as a polar bear could be, with the look of sheer focus. His eyes casted straight down the hill. Eyes on the prize, as they say. Huh. Papyrus didn't know polar bears could have slits for pupils. Weren't they supposed to have beady eyes? They looked almost unnatural. The mere presence of this guy was enough to make the other competitors tremble. But not Papyrus. Papyrus wasn't intimidated, not in the slightest.

"HELLO THERE!!!" He cheerfully greeted the polar bear with his usual Papyrus gusto. "I'M THE GREAT PAPYRUS! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" The polar bear huffed. "NOT A TALKER, HUH? THAT'S ALRIGHT!!! I SEE YOU'RE VERY FOCUSED!!! GOOD LUCK WITH THE GAMES!!!" No response. "...HAVE FUN!!!"

Why did Doggo grit his teeth when Papyrus tried to talk to the bear? Surely, he wasn't that bad. He was just... intense, that's all.

The crowd silenced themselves as the mic turned on. Papyrus could hear Sans' voice through the speakers.

"hey, everyone. welcome to the annual snowdin snowathon championships. this is your host sans, filling in for the usual guy, who sadly had to visit his fallen mom, so it would be really cool if we gave his family support."

Murmurs of both joy and worry simmered out of the crowd.

"that said, we have a cold lineup of challengers today. let's see." The ruffling of paper. "uh, yeah, give it up for those guys!"

The crowd roared as the ruffling of paper continued. What were the chances that Sans lost the sheet of racers? It wouldn't be surprising for Papyrus, at least. His brother could barely keep track of his keys, let alone a sheet of paper with everyone's names on.

Sans gave up. "we got an ice variety of events lined up for ya today, so let's get started with the ski race. who holds the ski to victory here? let's find out. racers, line up at the start."

Weren't they already- Oh, wait. There were a couple more.

"alright, on the count of 13, we can begin." What. "onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineteneleventwelvethirteen go!"

A loud pop and the race was on! Remember, Doggo's here, so Papyrus had to be the most impressive racer ever, even if he didn't win! It's a good thing the ramps were set up the way they were, because Papyrus has this beautiful trick he'd been saving for an occasion like this!

"and there they go. the racers are really goin' at it. we got rock girl in the lead. you can tell she's been practicing, cuz she's really ROCKin' that one ski. oh, look at that. the coolest skeleton in existence is aiming for one of the big ramps and... that's some impressive detachment of the legs there. oh, won'tcha look at that. y'know, skeletons have this COOL trick, it's called limb detachment. let's see if he can reattach those legs before he lands, and... oh, they're backwards now. ain't that impressive, guys? papyrus just backflipped his legs back to front."

Oh no no no no! This wasn't how the trick was supposed to go at all! The leg detachment was meant to happen, yes, but they weren't supposed to be reattached like this!!!

"yup. just once again proves that papyrus is the coolest skeleton around."

Papyrus wasn't sure if Sans was trying to save face for him, or if he was genuinely impressed. Either way, he had to get his legs back to normal!

"NNGH!!! NGGEH!!!"

Well, that didn't work, now he was facing backwards. Was backwards skiing more impressive than forwards skiing? Papyrus sure hoped so, otherwise the Royal Guard would think he was such a weir-

Wait. Why was the polar bear still up at the top? Didn't he get the memo earlier?

"HEY!!! THE RACE ALREADY STARTED!!!"

Looks like that got Sans' attention too. "say, uh, mr. polar bear? the race already started, ya dingus. wow. and you guys call me the lazybones."

That comment must have set the bear off, because before everyone could take a look, he dug his pole(???) stick(???) rod thingies (???) into the ground and sped downhill.

"and there he goes. wow, he's fast. y'know, i'm startin' to wonder if he was staying behind just to give the other racers a head start. actually, that reminded me of the time i entered a hot dog eating competition when i was fifteen. i won, but the medal was made out of chocolate. why was it made of chocolate when we have real gold for currency? it doesn't make sense. i guess monsters just like chocolate medals. hands up if you like chocolate." The vast majority of the crowd, and even some racers and marshals, put their hands up. "alright alright, i see. chocolate is great. but lemme ask you guys somethin' else. what do you guys think of white chocolate?"

From his backwards view, Papyrus could just about make out a figure of white getting bigger and bigger, until it whizzed past him.

"HEY!!! WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!" Papyrus screeched as he was sent into a cartoonish spin, which inadvertently made him crash into one of the ramps. The snow now had a beautiful Papyrus-shaped hole in it. But no beautiful hole was doing to deter Papyrus from his end goal! Using his incredible strength, Papyrus propelled his perfect posterior and persisted with the pace of the competition.

"oh, so NOW the bear goes off. man, he's movin' quick, ain't he? yup, he's absolutely destroying the ramps. literally. yup. it's a good thing they're made of snow. we can easily rebuild those, right? oh, and there he goes, straight past- wait hold up, you're not supposed to run into 'em. are there rules against this? are there- oh, hello..."

Papyrus felt like he was skiing through a warzone. All of these poor competitors, down for the count, treated as nothing more than bowling pins... Maybe the polar bear just didn't know how to compete fairly. Maybe he just needed someone to teach him how to be a better sport! With that idea sinking into his skull, Papyrus sped towards one of the more intact ramps, fully prepared to wow the audience and show that bear how to behave.

"hey, won'tcha look at that. seems like the cool skeleton dude ain't gonna give up that easily. not that i ever expected him to give up. cool dudes don't give up, y'know. that's for the kiddos in the audience. cool dudes never give up, even when their fly's down."

"WAIT, WHAT?!?!" Papyrus instinctually looked down, only to remember that he was wearing a tracksuit. He didn't have a fly. "SANS!!!"

"not that these uniforms had flies."

Note to self: make sure to rattle Sans nonstop after you become a Royal Guard.

"speaking of fly, papyrus is flying towards the polar bear. he's in third. he's in second. ooh boy! is he gonna finally- aw, a butterfly... hello little guy. what are you doin' underground? where'dja come from? oh, you like my sweater? heh. naw, those aren't real flowers, ya goober. no, my head's not a flower either. hehehe. that's still my sweater."

The perfect commentator, everybody.

Nonetheless, Papyrus continued dodging everyone until-

"NYEH!!!" He flew! He flipped! He landed... backwards! Well, if he had to finish the race like this, then... Was Doggo impressed, at least?

Well... Papyrus figured he would've been impressed if his face wasn't buried in the snow.

SPLAT! Next thing he knew, Papyrus was in the snow too. The good news is, he passed the finish line! The bad news is, he was greeted by that bad sport of a polar bear as soon as he pulled his head out of the snow.

Papyrus had to give him credit, though. That is one classy victory dance.

Still, he couldn't help but scowl a little. Who does he think he is, treating the other competitors like objects to be tossed around? Doesn't he know the concept of a fair competition? Then again, it could just be an accident. He was a very large monster, and a heavy one at that. Maybe he didn't mean to... But then again...

Whatever. Looks like Papyrus had to teach him how to play fair. Maybe if he did, the Royal Guard will be even more impressed and they could accept him!

He didn't even pay attention to any of Sans' ramblings as he skied away.

--------

"welcome back, guys. sans here, and we're finally moving onto the snowman makin', uh, thing. y'know, the second competition."

As Papyrus stepped into the ring of snow, he could hear the crowds scream and shout, hoot and holler. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine the crowds screaming his name as he puts on his suit of armour...

But first, he had to have a talk with the bear.

"AHEM." The bear ignored him. "AHEHEHEM!!!" Finally, the bear turned, as a low growl exited his throat. "PARDON ME, FELLOW COMPETITOR, BUT I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOUR UNSAVORY BEHAVIOR ON THE SLOPE. NOW, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE VERY LARGE AND FAST, AND IT WAS MOST LIKELY AN ACCIDENT, BUT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE CAREFUL! SOME MONSTERS ARE MORE FRAGILE THAN OTHERS, THEY CAN'T HANDLE BEING SMASHED ALL THE TIME! SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, FRIEND? MIND PLAYING FAIR FOR THE REST OF THE EVENT?"

Papyrus stuck his hand out for a friendly handshake. For a brief moment, the bear seemed like he was going to take it. He peered down at Papyrus with those black slits in yellow scleras. But just as he was about to reciprocate, he just huffed and walked away.

No one was pleased with this.

"alright, guys. get your snow boots ready, cuz this round is gonna be SNOWtacular-" Feedback. The sound of Sans dropping his headset. What stunt was he trying to pull up in that booth?

Papyrus didn't have time to facepalm, though. He had beautiful snowmen to build!

The competition quickly went underway.

"looks like little miss rock-n-roll's rock-n-rollin' around the outskirts to build her snowman. antler man's ruff-in it up with his dog snow sculpture. uh, is doggo allowed to get advice from lesser dog? hey, guys, you should probably stop that."

As Papyrus finished up on his beautiful Papyrus sculpture, he felt the presence of two marshals admiring his work.

"Wow, Papyrus! Who knew you were such an artist?" Dogamy beamed from over the fence.

Dogaressa's praise soon followed. "(Yeah, Papyrus! It looks delicious!")

Dogamy awkwardly nudged his wife. "(What?)"

For a moment, Papyrus couldn't get his words of gratitude out of his mandible. It was working, it was working! Oh, he was going to be a Royal Guard in no time! He couldn't help but notice the front row marvelling at it too. His eye sockets sparkled as the thought sunk in: this could be it. His big break! Quick, play it cool! Play it cool!

"NYEH HEH HEH!!! WELL, OF COURSE! I WOULD EXPECT NOTHING LESS FROM SOMEONE AS TALENTED AS ME!!"

"heh, looks like papyrus is winning the crowd over with his skull-pture. not that i'm surprised, he's always been a talented artist. check it out, guys. we got a BONE-fide winner over here!"

Aww. Papyrus found it significantly harder to play it cool with praise like that. He hoped nobody noticed the slight blush on his cheeks as he revelled in the affectionate praise.

But like all good things, Papyrus' time in the spotlight had to come to an end.

Turned out, while all the other competitors were building small snow sculptures and snowmen, the dreaded polar bear was rolling as much snow as he can into a giant boulder. He didn't even seem to care about the rock girl he just rolled over, or her sculpture that he squished! He just kept rolling and rolling and rolling until he finally stopped.

Then, of course, he suplexed the snow boulder, just because he can.

As the snow boulder bounced off the ground (somehow), the polar bear leaped up and karate-chopped the boulder into three perfect snowballs.

One, two, three, the snowballs landed on top of each other perfectly, which made this snowman stand at around the same height as a house. But oh! The bear wasn't done, no no no! For he found a bunch of rocks and tossed those into the snowman to make the eyes, the mouth, the buttons, and even chopped down tree branches to create the arms. Finally, he leapt up a tree and snipped the top off, before he propelled it straight into the snowman to create a beautiful cone-shaped nose.

Silence. Boggled eyes. Dropped jaws.

That poor rock girl, she flew straight into the ground, right next to Doggo's sculpture. Papyrus was torn. While the snowman was impressive, surely the polar bear knew he just ran over a little girl's snowman and practically discarded her, right?

Note to self: buy that rock girl some Nice Cream.

Even Sans was speechless for a bit. When he finally figured out what to say, he pulled the microphone part of his headset towards his mouth and muttered into it.

"looks like we got a special snowflake here."

The crowd, finally able to get some relief, burst into laughter. Papyrus didn't find it particularly funny, though.

"SANS!!!"

"so, who has the snowballs to beat that?"

More laughter. Papyrus just facepalmed.

After a round of giggling, Dogaressa called out to Papyrus again. "Hey, don't worry, Papyrus. I bet you've got some cool tricks to show us next round."

Now that perked Papyrus up. "YOU BET I DO!"

Ooh, boy! If nothing goes wrong, then maybe Papyrus could be accepted as one of the Royal Guards after all!

--------

The ice rink! The third and final race! Out of all three of the activities in this competition, Papyrus had practiced this one the most. Albeit, mainly because Sans wouldn't stop throwing snowballs at him. But silver linings! Papyrus only felt that those snowballs helped him with his agility! Now there's no way he was going to fail this one! He could almost imagine his Royal Guard armour glistening as he matched up and down Snowdin with the other members of the Royal Guard...

If the polar bear didn't play dirty this time. Papyrus tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was clumsy? He was much bigger than the other contestants. Maybe he has poor eyesight? He still couldn't get those strange eyes out of his head. Maybe they give him a poor field of vision? But then again, were they just excuses at the end of the day? At what point does that poor sport have to take accountability? Papyrus didn't know. He could try to talk to him again, but-

"heya, guys. i'm sans, finally back from my break. and i just gotta say, grillby's burgs are on FIRE. hehehehe."

That got a couple of chuckles from the audience.

"alright, what've we got here? oh, i see. it's the final round, the nice ice race, as i like to call it. alright, racers. let's see who can great to skateness- skate to greatness. heh. jeez, i can't talk today."

The racers lined up at the start. Papyrus made sure his skates were tied on properly. Wouldn't want any accidents.

Okay, Papyrus. You're great, and you will impress the Royal Guard.

"alright, guys, you know the drill. his name is bob and he's whirring to go. so let's get on with it."

The racers lined up at the start.

"onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineteneleventwelvethirteen go."

A loud pop and the racers were off!

It didn't matter if he got first place, or even second or third place! This was Papyrus' last chance to make an impression on the Royal Guard! He can do this, he can do this!

Cartwheel! Yes!

Ballerina twirl! Nailed it!

"whoa ho ho, check out that skeleton's moves! he's a real performer, that one."

Papyrus beamed as he heard that from the speakers. Surely, all eyes are on him now! Including... Including...

SMACK! What the?! The antlered guy just fell to the ground! No, wait! He didn't fall! He was PUSHED! By that polar bear, no less! How unfair!

Wasting no time, Papyrus instinctively skated over to help him up.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

"Yeah... Yeah, thank you."

That wasn't the only contestant the polar bear knocked down. One after the other, Papyrus stopped to help them up, even despite falling further and further behind. Winning didn't matter, anyway. Once all the skaters were helped up, Papyrus, fueled with a need to set the bear straight, boosted himself right up to what he would call a cheater.

Was using gravity magic to confront the bear against the rules? Probably not any less than pushing the others.

"HEY!!!" Papyrus called out. "MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP PUSHING THE OTHERS!!!"

One lap had just been completed, and the polar bear thwacked someone out of the way again.

That confirmed it. He was doing this on purpose. Did no one seriously have the thought to do something about this? Disqualify the bear?? No??? Were there even referees around?!?!

That's when Papyrus noticed something. Snowballs. Rapid fire snowballs hurling towards him. Oh hell no! Not today, José!

Funnily enough, this was the thing Papyrus was most prepared for. Thanks, Sans. He ducked and dodged around every snowball that was hurled his way, gesturing for the others to do the same.

Sans' voice over the speaker was filled with pride and excitement, similar to bubbles popping on a sunny day monsters never get to see. "oh my gosh... is everyone seeing this? is everyone actually seeing this?"

Well, now was a good a time as ever. It's time for one of his special moves.

First, Papyrus crouched down to avoid most of the snowballs. Once the polar bear realised he crouched down and started throwing them lower, that's when he spun straight into a high jump. The crowd watched in awe as he flipped while also maintaining his spin. Finally, he landed in a superhero pose on the ground.

A loud squeal erupted from the speakers.

"eeeeeeeee, papyrus!" Sans couldn't help but jump out of his seat, bouncing around like a kid on Gyftmas. "oh my god! papyrus, that was the coolest thing, do it again, do it..." Heat rose to Sans' cheekbones as the realisation that he was still recording himself set in. "a... ahaha... ehehehehe... that was... that was just cool."

Sans swore to himself to never let himself lose his composure like that. Oh boy. Oh jeez. He sat back down and rocked back and forth, still reeling over how cool Papyrus' stunt was. He hoped everyone saw it. They better have.

He cleared his 'throat' and spoke more professionally this time. "and back into the race."

Papyrus couldn't believe this was how this competition was going! This was supposed to be his chance of impressing the Royal Guard! Now he had to stop this tyrant from hurting anyone else on the track! As the polar bear and Papyrus crossed the line into the third lap, Papyrus noticed Dogamy and Dogaressa watching him from the sidelines. But they didn't look happy. They looked more... shocked. Mortified. Mortified that this polar bear was pushing around players left and right, he guessed. Seriously, aren't they security too? Shouldn't they put a stop to this? Then again, maybe this roughness wasn't against the rules, and that's why they didn't stop the polar bear. Or if it was against the rules, were they too intimidated? Or dense? No. Papyrus can't think that about the Royal Guard. They have to protect monsters from danger, right? That's what they're there for? Was it all a joke? A show? If so, this was a very harmful show! No one seemed happy about being knocked over!

As for the tyrant, he looked as if he was targeting Doggo next. Doggo, one of the Royal Guards, who was just about halfway through his second lap. No. Not today!

He didn't care about impressing the Royal Guard anymore. This polar bear needed to be taught how to be a good sport! And the only way was to stop whatever he was doing with force!

As soon as he got close enough, Papyrus leapt at the opportunity. Literally.

The crowd gasped as both Papyrus and the polar bear came crashing to the ground. Silence followed.

The bear's head rolled right across the ice, it rolled towards the side of the rink, before tapping the walls with a little 'tink'.

Papyrus huffed and puffed as he pressed his hands down on the bear's fluffy chest, finally able to sternly glare into his strange non-bear-like eyes. Except this time, the eyes had a different frame. A blue frame, with fins on the side of the head and long, red hair tied back in a ponytail.

The skeleton's glare turned into a look of shock. "UNDYNE?"

Undyne's head looked so small compared to the rest of the body... The COSTUME.

"Uhh... Hey, Papyrus." She gave a toothy grin.

For a moment, the murmurs present in the crowd were the only sounds.

Realisation set in for the Royal Guard wannabe. He just knocked over his boss! His trainer! His cooking teacher! His teeth clacked together as he tried to think of something to say. Undyne took this opportunity to gently push Papyrus off of her and sit up. Funnily, Papyrus slid a little on the ice, still stunned.

"...So I have some explaining to do, don't I?" Undyne laughed, still a little sheepish.

Finally, Papyrus found his words. "UM, YES?!?! WHY WERE YOU KNOCKING OVER EVERYONE?! WHAT'S WITH THE POLAR BEAR THING?! WHY WERE YOU THROWING SNOWBALLS AT ME?!?!" Whoops! He covered his mouth. She was still his boss.

Luckily for him, Undyne didn't seem offended. Not one bit. She sighed. "Okay... First of all, let me start with this. I've always loved sports and competitions and all that junk. But Snowdin is obviously really cold and I'm a cold-blooded monster. So I was gifted this costume as a way to wrap up warm. Really warm. It's a really warm costume."

"WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE. POLAR BEARS ARE COOL." Papyrus mumbled to himself. "WHAT ABOUT THE KNOCKING AND PUSHING AND STUFF?"

Undyne sighed solemnly and bit her lip. "The thrill of the competition really gets to me. Like, to the point where I forget to, um... play nice? I know, it's not an excuse. I should know better than to let my impulses get the better of me, but gosh darn it, I love the thrill of the competition so much!" The roughhouser pumped her costumed fist as she grinned intensely. But after that, her face fell once again. "I'm really sorry, I get carried away. Some of those things I did today were genuine accidents. You know, the head doesn't exactly give me the best field of vision."

Papyrus nodded as he listened.

"But near the end, yeah, that was all me. I'm sorry."

Papyrus sighed and smiled kindly. "WELL, I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY." With a smirk, he wagged a finger at her. "BUT YOU HAVE TO APOLOGISE TO THE OTHERS AS WELL!!! YOUR RECKLESSNESS HURT THEM MORE THAN YOU HURT ME!!!"

Undyne laughed as she elbowed Papyrus in the ribs. "Okay, okay, MOM! I'll do that."

"OOF! G-GOOD!" Papyrus crossed his arms and puffed out his chest. He had to stay cool in the face of the gateway to his future. What he didn't notice was that Undyne saw through his act anyway. She didn't know what was going on with him. His tone felt... off.

Undyne looked behind her to see Dogamy and Dogaressa chatting, before turning back to a worried skeleton.

"Hey, is something wrong?"

"OH, UM... I-IT'S NOTHING!!!"

"Papyrus..."

"SERIOUSLY, IT'S GREAT, I'M GREAT!!!"

"Papyrus."

Oh, Undyne, please don't look at Papyrus like that! Not like that, not like you're worried about him!

He broke.

"THE REASON WHY I SIGNED UP FOR THIS EVENT IN THE FIRST PLACE... IT WAS MY CHANCE TO IMPRESS THE ROYAL GUARD! AND I HOPED... I DON'T KNOW... I JUST WANTED TO GET THE RESPECT I UTTERLY DESERVE, OKAY?! BUT INSTEAD OF IMPRESSING ANYONE, I JUST-"

She quickly cut in. "Stood up for what was right, even if it costed your dignity."

Googly eyes popped out of the goofy skeleton's eye sockets.

Undyne gave a toothy grin and a shrug. "Papyrus, your tricks are cool and all, but what you did to protect those other racers, even from me... THAT was the most impressive thing I've ever seen you do. It showed you had COURAGE! You have INTEGRITY! It showed a strength of character I should have displayed! You... You really are what you call yourself, you know that? What was it? The Great Papyrus?"

Papyrus beamed and rattled in sheer, utter joy. Undyne was impressed by what he did?! This... This was...

He squealed. He couldn't help it, he had to let it out. "I'M IMPRESSIVE!!! I'VE IMPRESSED UNDYNE, I'VE IMPRESSED UNDYNE!!!" He screamed towards the booth. "SANS, I IMPRESSED UNDYNE!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!" A silhouette through the window gave Papyrus a thumbs up. After his excitement finally died down, the active duo decided it was finally time to get back into it.

She got up first and offered her hand. "Alright, dingus. You ready to finish this race?"

Papyrus looked up at her curiously. "ONE MORE THING." He took her hand and, with a grunt, he hoisted himself up on his feet. "WHY DID YOU KEEP YOUR IDENTITY A SECRET FOR SO LONG? EVERYONE JUST REFERRED TO YOU AS THIS MYSTERIOUS BEAR THAT SHOWS UP TO DESTROY THE COMPETITION-"

Undyne burst into loud laughter. All that did was make Papyrus even more confused.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!?!"

Finally, her laughter died down enough for her to speak. "Okay, the whole mystery thing was, fuhuhu, unintentional, really. But you know, the mystery was part of the fun, so I just went along with it. I guess we don't have to worry about the whole mystery thing anymore, though, do we?"

Papyrus looked around. Oh, how many eyes were on the two of them. "NO, I GUESS NOT."

"Well, then come ON, Papyrus!" The fishy competitor beamed. "I'll play nice. Let's finish this!"

"OH-KAY!!!"

"and with that, fellow monsters, the race is back on, now with less snowballs and shoving this time. sorry about that. anyway, the 'polar bear' is in the lead, closely followed by papyrus. hey, check out those moves. heh, i guess the skeleton never lost his cool, huh? they're coming up to the finish line..."

--------

A large, silver second place medal hung around Papyrus' neck as he and Sans sat on one of the logs in the woods, eating Nice Cream. They might as well have gotten it after Papyrus encouraged Undyne to buy some for that rock girl as one of her apologies. And after all that happened today, it was nice just to sit and eat with your brother.

"i can't get over how cool you were back there. those stunts, your snowman, the fact that you stopped to help everyone up and even stopped the bear from really hurtin' anyone else. that..." The small skeleton smiled at his ice cream. "that was amazing."

"WELL, SANS, IT'S ALL A PART OF MY WONDERFUL CHARACTER!!! LOOK, I WASN'T EVEN TRYING TO WIN AND GOT SECOND PLACE!!!" He proudly displayed his medal to Sans, before he sighed. "REALLY, I'M JUST GLAD UNDYNE WAS SO IMPRESSED WITH ME. I STILL DIDN'T GET INTO THE ROYAL GUARD, THOUGH."

"eh, well, i told ya. no competition is gonna let ya have free access to join a group like that." Nom nom. "say, how's the training goin' with her, anyway?"

Papyrus perked up. "OH, IT'S GOING WONDERFULLY! SHE'S TEACHING ME EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT COOKING SPAGHETTI!"

Sans squinted. "i didn't know captains teach the royal guard to cook spaghetti."

"APPARENTLY THEY DO! AND I'M THE BEST AT IT!"

Yeah... No. Sorry, Papyrus, but that spaghetti still needed a lot of work. But it did set one thing off in Sans' mind. From what he heard, Undyne was a terrible cook. If that's the case, then why is she even teaching Papyrus how to cook?

"hey, bro. have you ever wondered why she's teaching you how to cook and not, y'know, fight?"

Papyrus thought about it for a second, then shrugged. "I DON'T KNOW. I SUPPOSE ROYAL GUARDS NEED TO LEARN HOW TO COOK JUST IN CASE SOMEONE'S HUNGRY! LIKE, IN CASE WE FIND A HOMELESS MONSTER OR SOMETHING! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE, RIGHT?" Papyrus continued eating his Nice Cream, oblivious to the suspicions that were steadily creeping into Sans' skull.

"i guess that's... true..."

That wasn't enough. Sans needed answers. He couldn't just let Papyrus not get any real training. Someone had to make sure his dreams were going to come true.

Sans gazed into the forest as an idea sunk into his mind. He knew what he had to do.

He had to go see her.

Chapter Text

Sans should really come to Waterfall more often.

There's so much greenery... It's peaceful, calm, nothing like Snowdin or Hotland. Don't get him wrong, he adores the cheerful town of Snowdin and the technologically advanced Hotland, but Waterfall has an abundance of one of Sans' secret loves: nature.

He could spend hours here listening to the echo flowers, standing in the rain and looking up at the fake stars if he could. But no, he was on a mission. A mission to meet his boss, and Papyrus' future.

He had to wonder, though, if he really was employed under Undyne... Why didn't he get an interview? Why was he suddenly a sentry without even meeting his boss? That wasn't normal in the slightest. And it wasn't like he didn't actually get the job. He got paid and everything. So why...?

And most importantly, what about Papyrus? What did Undyne actually want with him? Papyrus is the main reason why he wanted to do this. It's just a talk. A mysterious chat.

He felt giddy at the idea of putting on his mysterious persona again. Man, he loved seeing the look on their faces when he- Oh, there's the house.

And there's the fish, sharpening her spears, of course. They were already sharp enough, though. Why did she feel like she had to sharpen them more? Why did he have so many questions running through his mind 24/7? Come on, Sans, don't get distracted. Do something right for once.

Sans took a deep breath and started sneaking around in the shadows, about to-

"I know you're there."

WHAT. HOW.

Sans couldn't move. His cheekbones felt warm. Oh god, was he blushing?! Crap, pat it down, pat it down! Crap, she spotted you! Say something! Lie! Do something!

"uhh... i wasn't sneaking up on you, i was just... uhh..." The tiny skeleton looked around, trying to find something to go off of. "i was wEEding." Aaaaand his voice cracked. Excellent.

The fish lady did not seem convinced. If anything, she looked AMUSED. "Weeding my garden, huh? Were you really doing that, or were you just trying to see me?"

Darn, she's good. But Sans wasn't going to give up on his creepy persona so easily. Surprisingly, he can be quite stubborn when he wants to be. After taking a moment to calm down, he leaned against the wall of her house and tried to look like one of those broody cowboys from those Western films he used to watch.

"you could say that. heh. you could also say that i might be here on behalf of another..."

"Wait, I recognise your voice!" Undyne exclaimed with a gleeful expression. "You're that guy who filled in for the sports announcer at the Snowathon yesterday, aren't you? You're Papyrus' weird brother he kept going on and on about!"

Dammit. He should've switched his font. Keep it together, keep it together... "well, i guess the cat's outta the bag."

Undyne squinted at him as her eye adjusted to his figure in the shadows. And once she finally saw what Papyrus' twin actually looked like, her jaw dropped in disbelief... and humour!

"Wait... YOU'RE Papyrus' twin brother?!"

Okay, how was she THIS good? This is unfair! "uhh... yeah."

"But... you're small!!!"

"...yeah."

"But... you're tiny!!!"

Beads of sweat appeared on Sans' forehead. "...yep."

He couldn't tell whether Undyne's face was that of disbelief that he's Papyrus' brother, or overwhelming joy at how cute and tiny he is. Usually, Sans didn't care that he's small. He quite enjoys it, actually! But his lackluster height and pudgy appearance really didn't do him any favours for looking 'cool' or 'edgy' or 'mysterious.' And in came the self-consciousness. Thanks a lot, Undyne.

For a minute, Sans struggled to think of a comeback. Is it even wise to insult his boss? Probably not.

Sans kept himself in the dark as he attempted to save his whole 'mysterious stranger' schtick. Surely this wouldn't make him seem even more endearing...

He caught Undyne's smile. It was definitely endearing. Crap.

"Fuhuhuhuhu! I'm sorry, I just didn't expect you to look like THAT."

"then what did you expect?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Someone that looks like Papyrus, I guess. You are twins after all."

Sans rolled his eyes but let it slide. It was a common misconception. Besides, he wasn't here to discuss his appearance.

"heh, right. so..." Was he crossing his arms? Yup! Okay, continue. "i'm actually here cuz i have somethin' very important to discuss about my bro..."

"Ohhhhhh!" Undyne had the widest, goofiest toothy grin on her face. "You're here to make sure I'm treating your brother right, aren't you?"

Sans' soul just left his body. "wh-"

"Dude, just drop the act already. You're kind of making yourself look like an edgy teenager."

Fine. Sans wanted to drop the act anyway. This was just embarrassing.

Undyne nonchalantly watched as Sans stepped into the light, finally able to get a good look at him and... yeah, what was she expecting? The guy looked like a mix between an adult and a pudgy child. She bit her lip to keep from laughing. But then Sans spoke again and she realised that, yeah, she was talking to an adult, one the exact same age as Papyrus.

"so you know my brother's been dreaming of getting into the royal guard and you're training him. and that's good and dandy. but... the cooking lessons? i don't know about you, but i've personally never heard of a royal guard getting cooking lessons before." Undyne's face fell as Sans continued. "and why hire me? i mean, it's not like i'm ungrateful, but to hire someone without even meeting them first? what's your game plan? do you even have one?"

This skeleton was directly staring her down. She could tell. His eyelights were shaking, struggling to keep eye contact. It actually looked pretty painful. It's a good thing Undyne looked away. As soon as she did, Sans rubbed his eye sockets, but he still kept up that serious, concerned face and tone. "...or do you not have one?"

Undyne took a moment to think of an answer. Just as Sans started to deflate, she piped up. "Your brother is... well, he's a cool guy, for starters. He's really tough, one of the toughest people I've ever seen! And he's got a good technique, too. It's just... ugh..." She glanced at the questioning skeleton again. Confusion swirled around in his eye sockets, as well as something Undyne had also seen in Papyrus - innocence. It's not the amount that Papyrus had. She doubted there was much of it left. But it reminded her of her duty as the Captain of the Royal Guard, why she does what she does. And in turn, that made her next few words even more confident.

"Your brother's a great fighter. But he's got a long way to go before I can even think of training him, you know? He's just the sweetest, kindest... most innocent person I know, and I don't want to send him into battle where he could get cut up into little..." She gestured wildly with her hands. "Little... Tiny little... Smiling pieces! Got it???"

No. No he don't 'got it.' Did Undyne really think of his own brother like that? Is that all she thought of him? That Papyrus was just an innocent little bean that needed to be protected despite his strength? Something didn't sit right with the short skeleton. "then why even hire us to be sentries in the first place? couldn't you have just turned him down?"

Undyne grimaced. "My job is to nurture dreams, not break them."

"and the cooking lessons?"

"He enjoys them, doesn't he?"

"...yup. practices it every week." He didn't have the heart (get it?) to tell Undyne his spaghetti's completely inedible. His suspicious glare softened as he watched Undyne sigh and focus her attention on sharpening her spear.

"Look, the Royal Guard is not about fighting bad guys or being popular. It's about standing up for the welfare of your people. To serve and protect everyone in the kingdom... and yeah, sometimes you have to protect monsters from each other too. Your brother strikes me as the type of guy to see the best in people, and I love that for him, but it worries me too, you know? Someone like that could be easily tricked or manipulated because they just want to see the best in people despite their actions. I don't want Papyrus to fall for that. That sort of thing could get him killed one day. So I thought, 'why not try to set him up for a different path, like cooking?' So... yeah. That's about it."

Sans' face completely softened. So she really does want to protect him. He had to admit, Undyne has a point. Papyrus' habit of seeing the best in people is beautiful, but he knew that trait could also make one susceptible to manipulation. Papyrus had been manipulated more than once before... If he trusted the wrong person, then there is a very real chance of Papyrus getting himself hurt. But he still had one last question.

"why hire me, though?"

Jeebus, this skeleton had too many questions. "He never stops talking about you. I'm guessing that's because he doesn't have anyone else, does he?" Undyne spared Sans a glance, giving him enough time to shake his head. "Ha! Thought so! I also heard about your financial situation. Giving you both a stable job where you two can support each other is the least I could do."

Sans' eyelights glowed brighter at that statement. She was looking out for them. Every step of the way... She really is a good captain. There was still a slight uncomfortable feeling in his ribcage, but it was mostly quelled by the amount of respect he had for her. He still wasn't sure if this was the best way to do it, but if it's the best way she knows how, then...

"heh. thanks for that. that's, uh, really appreciated." He used his foot to draw lines in the dirt. Now there's dirt all over his slippers. Yay.

Undyne smiled as she let go of the tension in her body. She stood, tall and proud as she looked down at the chubby skeleton.

"Hey, no problem! Thanks for understanding! Damn, you must really care about your brother, don't you?" She laughed and crossed her arms. "I was right to put you near him. From what I've heard, you two are really close."

Sans beamed. "yeah, we are. i'm a lucky skeleton."

Undyne laughed again. Well, that's that out of the way. Time to train! "See you around, weirdo." And off she went.

As Sans watched her walk away, he let his mind process the conversation. Undyne had pure intentions., that's the main thing. Her intentions were pure, she's treating Papyrus well... He just wondered if this was the right thing to do. What would Papyrus think if he told him this information? That she never intended on letting him in the guard? That all his dreams were for naught?

...

Is it really any of his business, though? He didn't want another Mettaton incident. He didn't want to make anyone else upset. Maybe...

Maybe it's best if he stayed out of it.

Yeah... Just stay out of it. This doesn't involve him.

Chapter Text

Ah, Grillby's. There's no place quite like it. It's nothing like the MTT Resort, which has the best atmosphere but is way too expensive, or home, which is cosy and full of love, but the food is questionable at best. Grillby's is just full of good people to sit down, chat and have a laugh with. And the food is to die for... unless you're going on a diet.

Sans took another big bite of his burger as he listened to Doggo's story.

"So there she was, neck stuck between two branches..." Lesser Dog barked in protest. "Lessie, come on, it was pretty funny, you've got to admit that!"

The laughter that echoed around the room filled Sans with both joy and playfulness. He couldn't help it - he just HAD to get in on this!

After he made sure no one was looking, Sans took the closest ketchup bottle and unscrewed it before setting it back down. And just in the nick of time, too! His birdly(ish) seat neighbour had just gotten his fifth order of fries! Ooh boy! This was gonna be so good!

"hey, zeeds." Sans tried to act all nonchalant. He shouldn't let the bird suspect a thing. "that's a nice plate of fries you got there. want some ketchup with those?"

Despite his efforts, Sans couldn't help but let a playful grin spread across his face. But it quickly disappeared when Zeeds responded.

"No, thanks. I'm good."

Oh. Oh dear. Oh great. Now his expertly crafted joke was ruined. Quick, save it! Save it!

"y-yeah, heh heh, that's fine, i wasn't really, um..." He felt eyes on him. Why was he being awkward about this? WHY WAS HE BEING AWKWARD ABOUT THIS? "um... well, uh... n-never mind, just carry on with your story."

Sans shrank a little into his hoodie as Doggo continued his story. Something about dogs pulling on Lesser Dog to try and get her unstuck or something? Sans didn't know. He wasn't paying attention. He was just thinking about how he screwed up the conversation like that. Come on, Sans! He's a comedian! His jokes always have to land! He can't fail, he just can't! Not again...

He had to act fast, otherwise he's most likely going to be up thinking about this moment all night. He didn't even think about it. He snatched the tampered ketchup bottle, put it up to his mouth and...

"gulp gulp gulp gulp..." He wanted to gag. What. Was. He. Doing. Everyone around him looked horrified. Was Sans seriously drinking ketchup? Oh jeez. Why. He had to stop. He had to stop. But no. He drank every last drop. Like an animal.

He almost gagged when he finished. Oh delta... Oh delta, he wished he could throw up. He looked around the room. Most of the people had wide eyes and dropped jaws. If they were skeletons, would their mandibles have fallen off? Wait, does he look like an attention seeker?

And that's when he heard it. Laughter. Surprised relief mixed with genuine amusement. Soon enough, those emotions boomeranged back to Sans, which left him with a relieved smile and saggy shoulders, which he quickly utilised to give a little shrug.

"thanks, guys. i'll be here all night." Sans winked as the patrons continued laughing. He glanced once again at the ketchup bottle he just drank out of. It was disgusting, but unexpected. Huh.

He could use this.

--------

"alright, let's see... water sausages, check. ketchup and mustard, yup. fried onions... huh. maybe i should get those." Sans mumbled to himself as he sorted through his supplies. He found that his sentry station was also the perfect set up for his illegal hot dog stand. It was certainly better than the old crates and boxes he used to use. The sentry station made it look more official.

Sans knew deep down that as a sentry, he didn't have to worry about their financial stability anymore. Why break the law for it? He has a brilliant house, a brilliant brother, just a brilliant life in general. Well, that's the thing. Their house was too nice. His life was too good. What would he and Papyrus have to fall back on if by any chance something big happens and they lose everything? Of course he had to keep up this business on top of the sentry job and his comedian stint. He had to save, just in case the worst happens.

After he set up the sauces, Sans' eyelights drifted over to the ketchup and mustard bottles. He didn't think he could look at ketchup the same again after that incident. That was probably the most disgusting thing he ever did. But... It made them laugh. Even if it was because it was unexpected and gross. And despite the fact that he felt like gagging afterwards, the taste wasn't that bad. Hmm...

As if on autopilot, Sans picked up the ketchup bottle and brought the tip to his teeth. Was he really doing this again? Was he really doing this again?

Yes. Yes, he was.

Sip.

The strong taste immediately activated the curious skeleton's gag reflex. His hand flew straight to his mouth to stop the vomit that could never come up. Because, well, he's a skeleton. (Can skeletons even throw up? It's not like Sans had ever thrown up before.)

However, even his own gag reflex didn't stop the PG-rated masochist from glancing at the mustard bottle. Come on, Sans. It's gonna make you choke. Don't do it. Don't do it.

He did it.

"hrk-!" Yup, that was worse than the ketchup. Why did he do this? Why? "ough... regret. so much regret." And then he died. Not really. But he felt like dying.

He did it again. The idiot actually sipped ketchup again. As he did so, Sans remembered the laughter from his coworkers and acquaintences. It sounded so real...

Because it was. Except only one person was laughing. Confused, Sans looked over at the only other person present around his station. A small snow-like monster with a giant ice cap. His name? Ice Cap. Very creative.

Whoo, boy, Ice Cap was laughing hard. Was watching him gag really that hilarious? Well, there's only one way to find out.

Sans leaned back in his seat and put on a lackadaisical smile. "sup?"

The teen didn't stop laughing. "You..." More laughter. Sans' smug smile morphed into a relaxed, genuine one. Oh, the sweet sound of laughter... "You look like such a baby drinking that!"

And that shattered the illusion. Sans felt his face heating up slightly as the teen continued to cackle. It sounded obnoxious now. But Sans being Sans, he had to stay cool.

"hey, don't knock it til you try it, kid."

The laughter quickly stopped. "Wait, what?"

Sans' smug smile returned. "what's the matter, bud? i'm just saying that you shouldn't diss what you don't try."

"Uhh... Well, it's just drinking condiments is gross, so drinking it like a baby's sort of- AGH!" The teen's ice cap nearly flew off his head! All he did was turn around, and Sans was right in front of him! How did he do that? Was he really that fast?

Sans' eyelights brightened as he offered Ice Cap the ketchup bottle. "come on, kid. try it. it won't hurt ya. look, i'll even take a sip first, okay?"

"No no! Nooooooooo!" And there he goes. The terrified teen ran through the woods, never to be seen again... At least for a couple of hours.

Sans chuckled to himself, satisfied, before his eyelights drifted over to the ketchup bottle again. "heh. you're quite the unexpected ally, aren't ya?" Talking to inanimate objects... That was a normal person thing to do, right? "say, uh, thanks for helping me out there. you're a good one. you know, your cousin... can i say cousin?" Sans looked at the ground, lost in thought. "i guess cousin. your cousin really helped me out back at grillby's too. say, are you guys some sort of secret agents ready to fight off embarrassment?"

The ketchup bottle didn't respond, obviously.

"come on, you can tell me. i can keep a secret."

Inanimate objects can't speak, Sans. If they started speaking, then there might be a decline in sanity involved.

"alright, alright. you don't have to tell me." Sans winked. "but really, you're a big help. i just hope you don't mind if i keep using your services..."

Sans finally stopped talking to the inanimate ketchup bottle as an idea came to him. He needed to buy more ketchup, just in case.

--------

Sans definitely needed the ketchup. At least, in his mind, he did.

Throughout the week, it has just been one embarrassing moment after another.

Papyrus demanded that Sans went grocery shopping. "IT'S YOUR TURN!" he said. "I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM THE PASTA AISLE!" he said. How does one get BANNED from the pasta aisle?! Was he really buying pasta that much? Pfft! Couldn't be him. He was busy buying out the entire ketchup aisle.

Well, he was, until he accidentally knocked over a shelf and the entire thing came crumbling down. Whoops.

It didn't help that it was a busy Saturday too. Luckily, most people were amused at the fact that he was lazing around and trying not to gag on his ketchup! The laughter combined with the disgusting texture of the ketchup somehow managed to ward off the embarrassment from it all.

So anyway, Sans found out how Papyrus got banned from the spaghetti aisle first hand!

----

Sans was just minding his business, drinking his favourite chocolate milkshake with marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles... Delicious... When he heard familiar voices call him over.

"Yo, Sans!"

"Sans, over here!"

Welp, who was he to turn down an audience? He spun around on his stool. "sup?"

The observant skeleton noticed quickly that the Royal Guards, along with Drunk Bun and the plant guy (Sans forgot their name) were playing a classic game of Spin the Bottle. And that the bottle was pointed directly at him. Oh no.

"uhh... no."

"Aww, c'moooon, Sansy~" The rabbit lady giggled. "We have to do what the bottle says~"

No. No. Absolutely not. Nope. "i'm not even playing, guys. just spin it agai-" OH GOD, DRUNK BUN WAS COMING TOWARDS HIM! In panic mode, Sans did the first thing he thought of: shove ketchup into her mouth before she could get to him.

Bun immediately recoiled. "Blech!"

Laughter trickled out from the other patrons as Sans' shoulders sagged in relief. Grillby, who was washing a glass and watching the whole thing, gave Sans a thumbs up.

Ketchup really did save him from that kiss. However, Sans' brain(?) chose to ignore the fact that their laughter sounded more forced than usual. Maybe it was just the situation itself making them uncomfortable. Yeah, that's right.

----

How long has it been since he got into this ketchup habit? Sans didn't know. But one thing he had realised these past few days is he's a lot more easily embarrassed than he thought he was. Lately, it's almost as if he screws up at least once or twice per day now. And to Sans, it wasn't surprising. He already knows he screws up a lot more than the average person.

But Sans didn't think it was a bad habit. Once you get past the texture, it's really not that bad. It's like a smoothie. A really gross, tomato-based smoothie. And Sans couldn't get enough. However, it seemed like a few people did have enough of it.

Zeeds walked past the poor skeleton lying on the floor in a pile of his own groceries. His left tibia and fibula were twisted somehow, and not in the usual way. They look outright sprained. And all the little skeleton was doing was suckling on ketchup like a baby. The bird monster just sighed at the pathetic sight.

"Sans, what are you doing?"

"mmph." Sans spat out the bottle. "nothin' much. just chillin'. figuratively and literally." He chuckled awkwardly as he pushed himself upright, trying not to jostle his leg too much. He avoided eye contact as he continued. "hey, wanna ketchup?"

"No."

"hehehehehe, me neither." Sans winked and finally looked up at Zeed's face. All he could get from his expression was... was that concern? Disgust? Maybe a mix of both? Certainly no amusement. What was going on? Was Sans really losing it? Was he really that much of a screw up that he can't even save himself anymore? Oh boy. Oh no. Relax, Sans, relax. Quick, get something to distract yourself! Quickly quickly quickly quickly-

He shoved the almost empty ketchup bottle back in his mouth. The taste was a lot stronger at the bottom of the bottle. All he needed to do was focus on the taste and the laughter and the distraction, the distraction!

But the laughter never came. And Zeeds had already left.

"what's wrong with me?" Sans sighed to himself. "maybe it's just the ketchup? he was clearly getting bored." The pathetic baby dropped his ketchup bottle as he failed to realise that a certain fire man was already helping him out by picking up his groceries and putting them in a new bag because the old one was ripped. Then, to continue the trend, he picked Sans up like a literal baby, but not before making sure he can't get his tiny hands on any more ketchup bottles.

Slightly delirious from his frazzled mind, Sans flopped in Grillby's arms. "hi, dad. does this mean you love me?"

Grillby did not dignify that question with a straightforward answer. Probably because he's not much of a talker.

--------

A quiet sigh escaped Sans' teeth as the front door clicked shut. That was certainly a day. A very embarrassing, ketchup-filled day. But at least there's still one thing that can save it. Or should he say, one person?

Sans entered Papyrus' room to greet him with one of his usual jokes. Ah, so Papyrus is polishing bones, huh? Perfect.

"sup, bone bro? howzit goin'? didja have a BONE-fide good day?"

Papyrus refused to look up at Sans. After all, he still needed to polish Vincent. Gnasher, Dasher, Flasher and Smasher were practically sparkling in their beautiful cardboard box home.

"SANS, PLEASE STOP SAYING BONE. WE HAVE MORE CLASS THAN THAT."

"papyrus, we don't even go to school."

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!" He snapped his head towards Sans, which gave him room to finally take in his appearance. He looked scruffier than usual. His velvet wasn't groomed well. Did he forget his comb? No, Sans always carried around his comb. Wait, what was that on his teal hoodie? Red... Red stain, red red, blotch, red, dark, stain, red, splat, red red...

The taller skeleton's eye sockets widened as an extreme idea set into his skull. Before Sans could take the chance to read his expression, Papyrus immediately leapt up and darted towards Sans, inspecting his hoodie closely.

"OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED?!?! ARE YOU HURT?!?! DID YOU FINALLY GET INTO A FIGHT??? I THOUGHT YOU HATED FIGHTING, DID YOU HAVE NO CHOICE??? WERE YOU JUMPED?!?!?!"

Sans blinked as Papyrus' breaths began to quicken. He raised his hands as an attempt to placate him. "what, no, i'm fine. i'm not hurt, see? not even a single crack in my bones."

"WELL, IF SO, THEN..." Another extreme idea popped into Papyrus' mind. "OH GOD... SANS!!! OH MY GOD, WAIT THERE!!! I'LL GET SOMETHING!!!"

Okay, what got into Papyrus' oatmeal this morning? Sans watched in disbelief as Papyrus rummaged through his wardrobe, looking for something, ANYTHING, to... To what, exactly?

"IT'S OKAY, SANS!!! WAIT THERE!!! I'LL HELP YOU HIDE THE BODY!!!"

The corners of Sans' smile lowered, very much disturbed. "whoa whoa, bro, i didn't do anything. it's just ketchup."

Papyrus immediately stopped rummaging as his panic shifted to disbelief.

"...KETCHUP."

"...yeah. i, uh, drank a lot of it."

Papyrus slowly closed the cupboard before burying his face in his gloves. What was the right reaction here? A scream? A groan?

He didn't know what noise he just made, but that wasn't what he was going for at all.

"SANS. KETCHUP IS NOT A DRINK- HOW MUCH HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING? DID IT JUST LEAK THROUGH YOUR CLOTHES???"

A sheepish chuckle escaped the smaller skeleton. He felt his eye socket twitch.

"maybe... look, it's not a bad thing, i've just been using it to cope."

"COPE?" The slightly younger twin finally turned around, his annoyance laced with a small bit of concern. "COPE WITH WHAT, EXACTLY?"

"i dunno, uh, life? i guess?" Sans wondered if it was normal to have a craving for ketchup right now. "mostly with the, uh, people? i dunno, sometimes i just screw up, that's all. it, uh, it happens a lot, actually. it made them laugh, at least at first, but i think they're starting to get sick of it. which doesn't exactly help because then it makes me think i screwed up even more so i need to drink more ketchup because for some reason it helps me get out of it and it's this weird cycle and i dunno what to do and-" He didn't realise he was scratching his skull until he felt Papyrus' hands gently pull his tiny hands away from it. His eye lights expand and grow fuzzy and his eye sockets drooped as he felt Papyrus' thumbs gently massage the back of his hands.

"SO THAT'S WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON, HM?" Sans nodded, and Papyrus sighed. "I SEE... WELL... IT'S CLEAR THAT THE KETCHUP ISN'T WORKING. DO YOU AGREE?" Sans nodded again. "SO WHY DON'T YOU STOP USING IT?"

"I ' m s t a r t i n g t o g e t a t a s t e f o r i t ."

The silence that filled the room at that moment was sickening. Almost as sickening as the ketchup on Sans' shirt. Almost as sickening as the fact that Sans actually DRINKS ketchup. But still, this is Papyrus' brother, even if he's drinking ketchup like an animal on a sugar high... Which is also not healthy for them. Papyrus was pretty sure most animals can't handle an excess amount of sugar. He knows monsters sure can't. But he's not an animal, so what does he know? That wasn't the point here.

Meanwhile, Sans' thoughts continued to swirl around in his mind, disjointed. The only thing these thoughts had in common was the notion that he needed the ketchup. But he can't. But he has to. But they hate it. Ketchup. Ketchup. How is he going to... He didn't realise his eyelights were uneven. He didn't realise how tense his smile was as his mind was filled with dancing ketchup bottles. Stop dancing, ketchup bottles, this was serious! Stop taunting the poor skeleton! Stop it! Stop it!

After about a minute of silence (and trying not to panic on Sans' end), Papyrus let out a very heavy sigh.

"YOU HAVE A PROBLEM."

"i know." He said to the dancing ketchup bottle in front of him. Oh wait, that's Papyrus. Keep it together, Sans.

"WELL, SANS... I CANNOT SAY THAT I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS. AS GREAT AND CLEVER AS I AM, I MUST ADMIT THAT EVEN I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS." He sighed dramatically before continuing. "HOWEVER!!! THERE IS ONE THING I CAN DO!!!"

The smaller skeleton's uneven eyelights glistened with hope. "what is it?" That was the last thing he said before a sock covered his face.

"THAT SOCK IN THE LIVING ROOM!!! PICK IT UP!!!"

Sans let the sock fall to the floor, happily welcoming the distraction. "heh, or what? you gonna give me more post it notes?"

"I WILL POST IT TO YOUR FACE!!!"

"try me."

"I'LL TRY YOU, ALRIGHT!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

The brothers laughed the tension away. Ah, it felt good to banter like this, even if for a little while. It was a welcome distraction. At least Sans never had to worry with his brother around.

"fine, then expect to wake up to a bunch of socks covering your room."

Papyrus gasped in fake horror. "YOU WOULDN'T DARE!!!"

"oh, i would."

"WELL, IF YOU DO, THEN YOU HAVE TO, UM..." He tapped his foot as he searched for a comeback. "HANG OUT WITH ME!!!"

Sans blinked in amused confusion. "wait, what? that's not a punishment, that's a reward. if anything, you're punishing yourself, bro."

"OH, DON'T GIVE ME THAT!!!" Papyrus smirked. "THAT'S IT, YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME NOW FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!!!"

"fine by me."

"FINE BY ME TOO!!!"

And that was it, they hung out for the rest of the day. All problems were solved. Happily ever after.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

--------

Life is pain. Wait, no it wasn't. Sans was just being dramatic. Life is... a joke. And he was the butt of it. Yeah, that sounded more accurate.

All he needed today was one swig of ketchup. That's all he needed. Just to ward off this itchy feeling for a while. That's it. That's it.

He shouldn't even be like this, all he did was slip off an icy slope while carrying milk. It's fine, it's fine, everyone does it, it's completely fine, he didn't have to think about the fact that he did it in front of a bunch of teenagers. He didn't have to think about the fact that he tried to shrug it off. He didn't have to think about what Undyne said to him about Papyrus and the secret that- Wait, that was unrelated. Come on, this was stupid. It was baby stuff. He's fine, he just needed something to take his mind off of it.

"hey, grillbz. busy today, huh?" Sans put on his best serene look before casually reaching towards the ketchup bottle right next to- Oh, nope, Grillby took it. "hey, what gives?"

Grillby kept the bottle close to his chest, eyeing Sans down with his... no eyes. Glasses? Why does he have glasses when he has no eyes? Unless his eyes are hidden in the flame on top of- Sorry, the flame that is his head. Was he judging Sans?

The itch grew stronger.

"hey, uh, look." Sans began to scratch the back of his head sheepishly. "i know you're sick of the joke, but it's not even a joke anymore, see? it's... it's something i actually like, it's just one sip, i'll pay for it, i swear."

Grillby wasn't falling for it. He moved the ketchup to the other counter behind him, one where Sans can't reach unless he used his magic. Actually, Sans attempted to use his magic, but Grillby caught the bottle mid-flight and put it back. In the meantime, Sans' awkward scratching became more deliberate as his hands moved to his arms. Despite this, he tried to keep a nonchalant expression.

"okay, here's the deal. if you give me just one bottle of ketchup, i'll do whatever you want. i could help you with the bar again, i could get you some supplies, anything at all, just say the word."

Silence.

please... please answer...

Sans dug his phalanges into the wood of the countertop. "please, grillby. I'm at a loss here, i'll do anything for ya. i just- i need it. i nee-" Whoops, voice crack! Better get that sorted out! "i need it. please."

He couldn't take it. Despite not being able to see his eyes, he could feel Grillby's judgemental glare. Ugh, why doesn't he have a face he can read?! That just made this whole ordeal even worse! Sans' hands from the countertop to his arms, in an effort to stop himself from clawing at his skull. He knew he should've worn gloves.

Everything's so bright. Too bright. Eyes. Eyes everywhere. Stop staring. It's too loud. Why is it so loud? Quiet. Please, quiet. The air's heavy. Why is it heavy? It can't be heavy! Breathe, just breathe. Who is he? Does he even exist? Is he gonna die! He can't! What about Papyrus?! He'll fall apart without him! The eyes! Stop staring! Spinning. The room. It's spinning, stop spinning! Stop stop stop STOP STOP STOP STOP-

The next thing Sans knew, he was on the floor. Pain emanated through his ribcage. Worried faces surrounded him. Why are they so worried? They shouldn't be worried! Stop worrying! Stop it!

"alright, then." Gripping onto the stool for dear life, Sans hoisted himself up and engaged in a stare down with Grillby. "if you don't wanna give me the ketchup, that's fine. i'll just find it elsewhere." That's right. Keep it steady. Ooh, 50% on bacon burgers. Maybe he could- no. He had to deal with the worried crowd first.

"don't worry everyone, this is all part of the show." Sans raised his hands, what was he doing? "it's just something i'm tryin' out, that's all. i just need to revise somethin'..."

Wow, he was the world's most terrible liar. Welp! Time to never step foot in this place ever again! Before one of the patrons could ask to see if he was okay, Sans was already at the door.

"goodnight, everybody!" And with that, he was gone.

Grillby stared out the door, his expression unreadable as always.

--------

It's fine he's fine it's fine he's fine he's fine it's- that's not the pattern, GOSH DARN IT!!!

It was easy to mess up a pattern when you're rocking back and forth in thick snow, mumbling a mantra to yourself over and over again. And Sans did that several times. It didn't matter, though. Because he's fine and he's calm and everything is fine because he didn't get the ketchup he wa- NEEDED but that's okay because everything is great and he just has to accept that he's a wreck who STILL hasn't grown out of that socially awkward phase he had as a teenager. Because he's an idiot and he just had to accept that.

Why did he even need that ketchup in the first place? It wasn't funny anymore. It didn't help anyone anymore! So why is he still holding onto it? Why is he botching everything just for another swig of stinking KETCHUP?!

Sans wanted to laugh. It was all so stupid.

In the middle of his rocking ritual that somehow always kept him grounded (not really), his phalanges brushed against a lone rock in the snow.

How curious.

Swiftly, the skeleton grabbed the small rock and held it like a baby bird. His only friend in this trying time.

"well... at least i don't have to be embarrassed when i screw up in front of a rock."

"That's right! You could never screw up in front of me!"

Sans almost threw the rock to the ground. Oh, darn. He forgot some rocks were sapient. Ugh, just another thing to add to the long list of-

"Hey, stop thinking about that! It's not your fault. I've got you, friend." The rock gave Sans a large, goofy, gappy smile. Since when did rock monsters have faces? And cartoonishly goofy ones at that. Should Sans run away or should he stay and see where this goes?

He stayed. "uh, sorry, i-"

"Ssh ssh ssh. Now don't you worry about a thing, you hear? Don't you worry about a thing. Cuz me and my friends have got your back, friend."

The corners of Sans' smile perked up a bit. He didn't know why, but hearing this rock's goofy, dopey voice telling him everything's going to be okay... It felt good. But wait...

"your friends, huh? heh, can't wait to meet 'em, then."

"Haw haw haw! Silly Sans! Don't you know we're already around you?" The rock guffawed, extending its twig-like arms (since when did it have arms?) all around Sans.

And that's when he heard a different voice. A calm, feminine one. "Yeah, that's right. Nature is your best friend. Anything you do is just in your nature."

Sans turned to look at the talking twig on the ground. It had a point...

A nearby snowpoff yelled out to get Sans' attention. "Aaarrrrggh, why are you so caught up in this darn sadness business?" The snowpoff's crotchety loud old man voice grumbled. "Those guys just don't understand the genius behind it. And as my old folk used to say, if they don't understand, then you gotta MAKE 'EM understand!"

Sans furrowed his non-existent eyebrows. "make them? that sounds a little rude."

The snowpoff grumbled once more. "Come on, Sans. Sure, there's something wrong with you, but they don't need to know that! They just need to understand why it's still funny. Even if you have to go to extremes to do it."

"Yeah! You know what they say! Go big or go home!" The little rock giggled to itself.

"go big? like, making the ketchup bigger?"

"It doesn't have to be that literal..." The rock pondered. "But if that's what it takes, then yeah!"

Sans had to admit, these guys were really onto something. He just had to add a new twist and then the ketchup would be helpful again. That's how it worked, right?

The twig sighed in its soothing voice. "You need to learn how to take your life back, Sans. All these stresses aren't helping you one bit. Your jobs, your past, Papyrus' future, it's all flowing into your social life. Don't let it do that."

"Yeah! You need to take your life back, Sans! It's the only way!" The rock gave Sans another toothy grin.

That's right. All of this recent anxiety had been controlling Sans too much. These guys know what they're talking about. Screw everyone else: THESE guys are his best friends.

"wow, you guys really have a point. alright, here's what i'm gonna do." Sans stood confidently. "i'm gonna get that book gerson gave me and use that spell to create the biggest ketchup bottle the underground has ever seen. then, something something, whatever, it'll help, i know it will."

"FLOOD THE STREETS!!!"

Where did that shrill, white flower come from?

"what? okay, maybe that's a little too extreme."

"No no. Roserella has a point." The rock nodded like a businessman looking at the stock market or however business works.

"you guys have names?"

"FLOOD THE STREETS!!! FLOOD THE STREETS!!!"

Jeebus, Sans can't get that piercing voice out of his head! Head?

He watched as the other objects surrounding him chanted and goaded him until...

"alright, alright! i'll... i'll do that, then."

And in came the supportive cheers and chants from the animate objects. Each sentiment only made Sans more and more confident in his, admittedly half-baked, plan. Surely his new best friends knew what they were talking about. They're nature, nature is smart, nature rules the world.

"Yeah, Sans!"

"You make 'em understand!"

"Take your life back."

"FLOOD THE STREETS!!! FLOOD THE STREETS!!!"

"flood the streets! flood the streets!"

"yeah!"

"you show 'em whatcha made of!"

"take it back!"

"whoo hoo!"

"good goin'!"

Grillby was just taking a peaceful stroll in Snowdin Woods. He was on his lunch break. You know... At 2:30 in the afternoon. He carried his empty picnic basket and his trusty umbrella. A fire monster could never be too careful in a place that is covered in what is essentially frozen water.

He was also the only one around at this hour to hear the strangeness of someone imitating very goofy voices (the fire monster had to admit, he was impressed by this person's vocal range). He wasn't a nosy guy, but something told Grillby he had to go investigate, to see for himself.

And what he ended up witnessing was the presence of a scruffy, crazed skeleton applying voices to inanimate objects and talking to them like they were his best friends or something. From what he heard of the skeleton brothers thus far, it didn't seem too far off from what Grillby usually heard about them. Ever since Sans and Papyrus moved to Snowdin, he had been hearing constant stories about their silly little misadventures from his regulars. He heard about the librarby, the giant snow boulder, what happened at Sans' first comedy show... He even witnessed one himself back when Papyrus declared he was going to befriend Jerry. So needless to say, Grillby wasn't really all that concerned about the fact that Sans was talking to inanimate objects.

What he was concerned about, however, was the contents of what he said.

"flood the streets! jeez, flower guy, relax, i don't wanna do that. flood the streets!"

Yeah... He had to go get Papyrus. Now.

--------

He had the book, he had the bottle... But he didn't have the magic. It's a good thing he has someone who has the ability to boost his magic. Sans knew soul bonds were crucial for stronger magic, whether those bonds are temporary or permanent. And he just so happened to have a permanent soul bond with someone extremely precious to him.

Sans left the ketchup bottle outside and went inside his home, hoping his bond buddy would be willing to ignore the fact that he hasn't been taking care of himself much recently. Who needs to take care of their velvet when there's stuff he has to do to keep them stable? (And he's falling apart piece by piece, but we don't talk about that.) Sure the lack of sleep doesn't do wonders either, but it's fine, Papyrus will ignore it, at least he hopes so- Aaaaaaaaaand he's overthinking again. He really has to stop.

"hey, papyrus." Sans let the door shut behind him with a click. He watched as Papyrus attempted to free his mop from a cobweb he swept up from the ceiling.

"SANS, THERE YOU ARE! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG???" He desperately tried to free his hand from the torture of the cobwebs. Oh, god, they're everywhere!

Sans wanted to laugh. But no, he had to hold it together. Never mind his scruffiness or his twitching eye sockets. "yeah, sorry about that. do you think you could take five seconds outta your chore day and help your dear old brother out?"

"OLD? YOU ARE FOUR MINUTES OLDER THAN ME!"

"not that kind of old. it's just a small, itty bitty favor, that's it."

With a resounding sigh, Papyrus dropped the mop. "WHAT IS IT?"

"remember that spell we used to make ourselves smaller?"

"YES?"

"well, i'm gonna need to use that."

"...I SEE."

Oh, jeez, is Papyrus gonna question why? Don't be suspicious, Sans, don't be suspicious don't be suspicious WHY ARE YOU SWEATING STOP CLENCHING YOUR FISTS GOSH WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE KETCHUP OUTSIDE HE REALLY NEEDS A-

"WHY, OF COURSE!!!" And that cheerful delivery immediately sapped all the tension out of Sans' body. He might as well be a puddle.

"phew, thanks, bro. you're the best."

"OF COURSE, SANS! I WOULD NEVER REGRET HELPING YOU OUT! SURELY YOU MUST HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR IT!!!"

To be fair, if Papyrus came to Sans asking for the same thing, he would trust his brother enough to think he had a good reason for it too. After all, why would he think otherwise? "thanks, bro. you're a BIG help." Okay, the pun could've been a little more subtle.

With that, Papyrus gleefully took Sans' hands as a blue and gold light ran through the two. It felt familiar. Warm. Happy. And like that, the deed was done.

"thanks, bro."

"ANYTIME, SANS! JUST MAKE SURE YOU WASH YOUR SHIRTS!!!"

"got it." He will not wash his shirts. He is about to chug down the biggest ketchup bottle of all time right in front of Snowdin. It will be hilarious, and everything will be great.

He just had to hope he doesn't accidentally flood the streets in the process.

--------

Not long after Sans left, Papyrus heard another knock at the door. Guests?!?! On this day?!?! Filled with invigoration, Papyrus practically leapt off the second story and sprinted towards the door (he'll deal with the sprained ankle later). He opened the door with vigor, ready to welcome...

The bartender???

"OH, HELLO, GRILLBY!" Papyrus waved awkwardly. Well, he could be a new friend, right? He wasn't one for conversation, though. "WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?"

"..."

Suddenly, the skeleton let out a loud gasp. "WHAT?!?! SANS IS ABOUT TO MAKE A FOOL OF HIMSELF???"

"..."

Another loud gasp. "WHAT?!?!?! SANS IS ABOUT TO DRINK FROM A GIANT KETCHUP BOTTLE THAT I ACCIDENTALLY HELPED HIM GROW WITH A SPELL WE ONLY LEARNED A FEW WEEKS AGO???"

"..."

Papyrus really needed to exhale. "WHAT?!?!" He coughed. "SANS IS ABOUT TO FLOOD THE STREETS IN KETCHUP?!?! THEN WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR???"

The determined skeleton grabbed Grillby's wrist and sped out the door, running like the Road Runner towards the danger.

There it was. The giant ketchup bottle on top of the nearest hill. Jeebus, that had to be the size of, what, three houses? Three and a half? That could not be safe. Or funny. What was Sans thinking??? Did... Did he need help?

He regretted helping Sans out.

Speaking of Sans, he was standing on top of the hill, looking down at Snowdin as the wind blew through his yellow and blue striped scarf. If he were obliged, Sans could have sung his soul out about his ultimate plan... but... Nah, that meant he had to sing in front of people. Absolutely not.

The ketchup bottle was behind him. For a brief moment, he wondered how drinking it was going to help. What would the denizens think? Would they cheer him on? Would it even solve anything? Was he just over his skull?

"Hey, what's that look for?"

Oh, it's the rock. No, not THAT Rock.

"Don't be so sad. You don't have to drink all of it. Remember, we need to go big. Sometimes that means putting an extra spin on things."

That's very true.

"So instead, why don't we make it rain? Rain, ketchup, rain!"

"yeah... yeah, that's a better idea." Sans laughed to himself. "that way, everyone can try it. the ultimate prank."

"Yes, sir! Haw haw!" The rock guffawed its goofy laugh, which eased Sans' mind a bit. Ah, the rock. Not that Rock.

The rock had a powerful laugh. It echoed all throughout Snowdin. Which only made the nearby denizens, including Papyrus and Grillby, wonder...

"WHY IS MY BROTHER LAUGHING LIKE AN IDIOT?"

Grillby just shrugged. This was bad. That's the only word Papyrus can use to describe this situation. According to Grillby, it wouldn't be long before Sans coats this entire town in ketchup. This was like a strange superhero plot, once you think about it. Speaking of thinking, he had to come up with a plan, and fast!

"OKAY, GRILLBY, HERE'S WHAT I'VE GOT!" Papyrus started with half-confidence. "SANS IS MY BROTHER, SO I WILL DISTRACT HIM WITH MY PUREST GESTURES OF LOVE AND BROTHERLY AFFECTIONS AND TALKS!!! AND MAYBE I COULD TALK HIM DOWN- NO, I WILL TALK HIM DOWN!!! AND THEN YOU!!! YOU CAN... UHH..."

Grillby gave Papyrus a thumbs up like he already knew what to do.

"WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU..." Don't think about it. "OKAY!!! WELL, IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, THEN I TRUST YOU!!! FOR SANS!!! AND SNOWDIN!!!"

With that declaration, Papyrus sprinted up the hill while Grillby circled around it. Utop the hill, Papyrus finally came face to face with the face of someone who looks like he managed to find something he shouldn't have and sniffed it. Knowing Sans, he definitely would find a weird substance and test it out, so that checks. And why was he talking to a rock? Was he lonely?

"oh, rock, you always come up with the best plans. howzabout a hug before i unleash the ketchup rain?" Okay, he hugged a rock. That's normal. No, seriously, it is. Sans likes to hug everything. Or was Papyrus thinking about himself? Or did it apply to both of them?

"BROTHER?"

Sans snapped to attention. "oh, hey, bro. you wanna meet my friend? he's helping me with the greatest prank of all time."

"I'M NOT SURE COATING THE TOWN IN KETCHUP IS A VERY GOOD PRANK, SANS!"

"hey, relax, i'm just gonna make it rain."

"THAT'S NOT MUCH BETTER!!!"

"hey, trust me, bro. it's much better than what roserella suggested." Sans' playful baritone then suddenly shifted into a shrill screech as he bobbed a nearby flower up and down. "FLOOD THE STREETS!!!"

Papyrus jolted in shock as Sans 'told off' the flower.

"hey, we already said we're not gonna flood the streets. it's just rain. we talked about this."

Papyrus facepalmed in both disbelief and shock. Why is his brother like this sometimes? "SANS, THAT'S JUST A FLOWER! PLANT FLOWERS CAN'T TALK!"

"maybe that's what the flowers WANT you to think."

Papyrus remembered that Sans said the same thing about a toothbrush a couple of months ago. But there, it felt more like a joke. Here, it appeared that he was actually being serious. And that sincerity surprisingly made Papyrus even more frustrated.

"SANS, YOU SERIOUSLY CAN'T TELL THAT'S JUST A FLOWER?!"

"papyrus, you're gonna hurt its feelings."

"IT'S A FLOWER!!! IT'S NOT TELLING YOU TO FLOOD THE STREETS, YOU'RE SAYING THAT TO YOURSELF!!! I MUST ADMIT, YOUR VOCAL RANGE IS IMPRESSIVE, BUT YOU'RE GIVING VOICES TO INANIMATE OBJECTS!!! THEY'RE NOT ALIVE, SANS!!!"

Sans' face scrunches up in confusion. It's not like he had any reason to distrust his brother. But then again, why did they look so real? Was he... oh god no! He rubbed his eyes. The faces were still there. The rock kept smiling at him from its unmoving position, its gaze transfixed, as it vocalised five words in an eerily calm, low tone.

"What are you waiting for?"

"SANS!!!" The anxious skeleton snapped to attention again. "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT VOICE?!"

"uh, the rock." No, not THAT Rock- you get it.

Papyrus blinked and sighed in frustration. He needed to calm down, lest he end up as crazy as his brother. So after a deep breath, he clasped his hands together and spoke in the soft, matter-of-fact tone that always seemed to be more effective in situations like these. "SANS, I'M NOT A THERAPIST, BUT LET ME TRY ANYWAY. YOU ARE A MESS. YOU HAVEN'T COMBED YOUR VELVET, YOUR EYE SOCKETS ARE UNEVEN, YOU'VE BEEN WEARING THE SAME NASA HOODIE FOR THE PAST FIVE DAYS, AND YOU HAVE KETCHUP STAINS ALL OVER YOURSELF. WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? YOU DO REALISE THAT THESE OBJECTS ARE ONLY TALKING TO YOU IN YOUR IMAGINATION, RIGHT?"

Sans' face fell as much as it could considering his permanent smile. Maybe deep down, he knew all along that his new friends were fake. Maybe he didn't. He just knew that... that... "i can't mess up around them."

Papyrus' frustration stepped aside in favour of confusion. "SORRY?"

The smaller skeleton clutched the end of his striped scarf as he mumbled. "lately it's been... um, well, like something... heh. i think something's... wrong with me. i don't know why, i just keep messing up everything. and then i get embarrassed, and the ketchup- it helped at first, but then it stopped, and i guess i just wanted it to help again, y'know? i think it's... well, um... i dunno." He does know. "i dunno why i'm like this. i'm sorry. i just, heh..." Sans squeezed his eyes shut. "i'm trying to handle everything. but i can't handle anything. sorry."

For a moment... silence. Nothing but the sound of the wind blowing through both their scarves. But then, after what felt like eons, the sound of snow crunching under powerful leather boots cut through the near-silence. A softer crunch followed as two bony knees sunk into the snow. Sans opened his eyes, only to meet the gaze of worried, but kind eye sockets, and the feeling of two larger hands encasing his own. Gentle phalanges ran across the back of his comparitively smaller hands, over and between his metacarpals. The soothing touches consequently softened his own facial features. His smile loose. His eye sockets lidded. Finally, Papyrus' voice cut through the silence once and for all, laced with love and understanding.

"EVERYONE MESSES UP FROM TIME TO TIME. IT'S A PART OF LIFE. YOU KNOW EVEN I HAVE EMBARRASSING MOMENTS." Papyrus snickered to himself before continuing. "HOWEVER! YOU KNOW WHEN I HAVE EMBARRASSING MOMENTS, YOU TURN IT INTO A FUNNY STORY?"

"heh, yeah. it's hilarious."

"THEN WHAT MAKES YOUR EMBARRASSING MOMENTS LESS HILARIOUS?"

That's... a good point. "huh."

"YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE TO LAUGH! MAYBE IF YOU START FINDING THE HUMOR IN IT AGAIN, YOU CAN REDUCE THE POWER YOUR ANXIETY HOLDS OVER YOU. NO MORE DRINKING KETCHUP TO GET RID OF YOUR WORRIES!"

"heh. maybe i should try it out."

"MAYBE YOU SHOULD!"

Laughter, huh? This entire time, Sans had been trying to make others laugh, but laughing at his own social blunders? That would definitely lessen the blow. Sure, there's this lingering feeling that some things weren't brought up or were solved at all, but at least it could keep the stress at bay. People do laugh to release tension, after all.

A sudden wave of familiar curiosity washed over Sans as he peered past Papyrus. He almost expected the rock to still have a face. But no. The face was gone.

The ketchup bottle was shrinking too. Wait, what?

The brothers were immediately taken out of their tender moment to watch the ketchup bottle shrink inside some kind of orange-gold light. Shrinking... shrinking... And back to normal size!

As the bottle shrunk, it revealed the wiz behind it: Grillby. He had Gerson's spell book in one hand, and activated the spell with the other.

The twins gaped at Grillby in awe. How on earth did he pull off such a powerful spell without assistance?! They must have looked like right idiots too, because all Grillby did once it was over was give the book back to Papyrus and tap-danced down the hill like he was Mary Freaking Poppins.

"wow. guess we shouldn't mess with him."

"TELL ME ABOUT IT."

"wait, was he watching us this whole time?"

"YES."

That familiar flood of embarrassment started to flood back. However, this time, dorky laughter quickly followed.

"heh heh heh heh (snort), oh, that's... that's kinda funny."

"NYEH HEH HEH..."

It was like a domino effect. One skeleton's laugh fed into the other's and back again. The embarrassment was still there, but now it has less power, less control. And that made it easier to get through.

--------

Sans had gotten better. His sleep returned along with his sanity. No more talking to rocks and no conspiracies to cover the town in ketchup! In fact, no more ketchup at all! He no longer needed to drink ketchup to deal with his anxieties. He had something even more powerful now.

"hey, everyone." Sans beamed as he walked through the door to the warm restaurant. A pleasant escape from the cold.

"Hi, Sans!"

"(Hi, Sans.)"

"Hello, Sans."

"Hello, Sansy~"

"OKAY, MR. POPULAR! TAKE ME TO THE SOURCE OF ALL THINGS CALCIUM!!!" Oh, yeah! Papyrus came with him!

"well, seeking out cows would be a bit weird. let's just get some milk from the counter."

Papyrus groaned and stomped his foot. "NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!!!"

"sure you didn't." Sans teased with a snicker as they sat at the counter. Grillby was waiting there, cleaning glasses as usual. It was nice.

"hey, bro, want some fries?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT."

"alright, then. hey, grillbz, could i get an order of fries and some milk for my bro?"

Until Sans tried to get on his seat. He didn't expect it to be so slippery. As he was pulling his small body up with his hands, they slipped. Luckily, Zeeds was there to catch him. By the pelvis.

Well, this is awkward.

Papyrus covered his mouth. Whether it was from suppressed laughter or shock, Sans didn't know. He just knew that this was NOT the position anyone wanted to be in.

He quickly ejected himself from Zeed's grasp with a yelp. "thANk yOU!"

Welp, that just made everything worse. For a moment, Sans' eye sockets landed on the ketchup bottle on the countertop. Papyrus' followed suit, still covering his mouth as he watched in anticipation of what Sans was going to do next.

Suddenly, a chuckle came. Then a giggle. Then pure laughter. "oh jeez, i'm so sorry."

Zeeds chuckled back. "It's alright. There was a slime monster in that spot not too long ago."

"hehehe, gross." Sans giggled to himself before propping himself up on the seat once more. He didn't really mind the slime, really. He just had to wash his clothes when he got home.

Papyrus finally let his hand drop. "SANS, THAT..." That what, Papyrus? Sans' smug smile gave Papyrus pause. He couldn't tell him he was proud! He had an image to keep! Luckily, he didn't need to say anything. He was secretly glad that Sans had learned his lesson.

Grillby looked just as proud as Papyrus felt as he brought out their orders.

"thanks, grillbz. put it on my tab."

"DO YOU EVEN PAY YOUR TAB?"

"that's for me to know." Sans winked as he grabbed the ketchup and... Oh god.

Papyrus' jaw dropped in shock from just the sheer quantity of ketchup Sans squirted onto his plate. That could NOT be sanitary.

Sans must've caught onto Papyrus' comical expression, because he just shrugged and smiled at his brother. "what? i genuinely got a taste for it."

Papyrus looked at Grillby just to see how the bartender would react. Unsurprisingly, he just shrugged and walked off to help the next customer.

Sans finally deployed a goofy wink as Papyrus groaned and facepalmed.

Chapter Text

"OH MY! THE WATER! IT'S... ON FIRE!"

Mettaton always had this thing for making everything dramatic, but for Papyrus, it's only assurance that yes, Undyne DOES cook spaghetti properly! The Great and Diligent Papyrus scribbled this incident down on his notepad before he cast his eyes on the TV, ready for the next tip.

If Papyrus looked outside, he would've noticed that he and Sans were snowed in... Snowdin? Snowed in. Snowdin. Ha. Funny. Pun aside, being trapped inside with your brother often can lead to boredom. And when you're bored of being alone, and you have no one but your brother around, then there's only one logical conclusion.

And that's why Sans came downstairs. Papyrus internally groaned. He REALLY didn't want his brother interrupting his cooking show. But alas, he was going to anyway.

With a wide, cheesy grin, Sans plonked his bottom on the sofa right beside Papyrus. Papyrus tried desperately to ignore Sans and focus on the show, but he knew Sans wasn't gonna let that slide. And he didn't.

"hey, bro. papyrus. papyrus. papyrus. paps. pap. pap pap. papaya. papperoo. paper. pepperus. 'rus. ross. pyrus. cyprus. pastarus. papysaurus rex."

Oh, when will this torment end? Oh, and he just couldn't stop poking his temples, whyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!

It didn't take long for Papyrus' short fuse to wear itself out. "WHAT?!?!"

Sans wasn't deterred by Papyrus' annoyance. In fact, it only seemed to encourage him. His face lightened as Papyrus snapped at him.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!"

"hey, bro. can i tell you something?"

"NOW?!"

"yes."

Papyrus let out a long-suffering groan before he paused the TV and crossed his arms, his posture remaining steady. "FINE, WHAT IS IT?"

Delighted, Sans proceeded to rock back and forth slightly. "okay, so i've been reading up on galaxies and can i tell you about this cool galaxy i found?"

"FINE."

"ngc 2936. it's a galaxy that looks like a penguin. it's a penguin galaxy, but people also call it the porpoise galaxy. i can see it, it looks a bit like a porpoise."

Huh. That was... pretty interesting. Papyrus' annoyance slowly melted away as he watched Sans ramble and rock back and forth. He had to admit, it's nice seeing his brother happy.

"it's in the hydra constellation. and well, when i think of hydra, i think water for some reason. and that makes a lot of sense, cuz now i know it has the porpoise galaxy in it. and it looks like a penguin. a penguin. and it's a spiral galaxy too. well, an interacting spiral galaxy, but still, spiral galaxies are my favorite, you've always known this."

Papyrus nodded along before he piped up. "HEY, CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT KIND OF ALIENS LIVE IN THAT GALAXY? IMAGINE TWO SILLY ALIENS LIVING IN THAT SILLY GALAXY TRAVELLING AROUND AND EXPLORING OTHER PLANETS!"

He swore he just saw Sans' eyelights turn into stars. "oh my god, papyrus. heh, you might be onto somethin'. hey, do you think those aliens would have brothers as well?"

"OF COURSE!!! WHY NOT?!?! TWO AMAZING BROTHERS TRAVELLING TO OTHER AMAZING PLANETS IN AN AMAZING GALAXY!!!"

"like ngc 2936."

"HOW DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?!?!"

"i'm a nerd, papyrus. i like numbers."

"WELL, YOU'RE A NERD, ALRIGHT. ANYWAY!!!"

--------

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO CALL THESE ALIENS?!?!

dunno. i guess you can just name one and i'll name the other.

WELL, THEN!!! I'LL SAY, HMM... PAPITEX, THE INTERGALACTIC TECHNOLOGICAL MASTER, HERO OF PLANETS AND GALAXIES!!!

neat. well, i'll name the other santroi. a brilliant nerd and papitex's brotherly sidekick.

WHO INTERRUPTS HIS COOKING SHOWS?

do they have cooking shows in space?

WELL, THEY MIGHT AS WELL DO!!! THIS IS ALL THE IMAGINATION!!! ANYWAY!!! PAPITEX AND SANTROI LIVE IN THIS SPACESHIP THAT THEY BUILT THEMSELVES, BECAUSE THEY ARE GENIUSES!!! AND OF COURSE, PAPITEX IS THE ONE RUNNING EVERYTHING AND BEING THE COOLEST CAPTAIN, LIKE, "NYEH HEH HEH!!! SANTROI, SET A COURSE TO THE NEXT HABITABLE PLANET!!!"

"aye aye, sir."

AND THEN SANTROI WOULD PROVIDE THE COORDINATES!!!

yup. he's a navigator, through and through. "ok, bro, i found the next planet. it's got these cool rings we can surf through."

"SURFING?! THAT'S MY THIRD FAVORITE INTERGALACTIC SPORT!!! ONWARD, BROTHER!!!"

and then they surf round and round the rings until their spaceship runs outta fuel.

WHAT?!?! THEIR SPACESHIP?!?! OUT OF FUEL?!?!

yeah, well, it had to happen eventually. "uh oh."

"WHAT? WHAT IS IT?"

"papitex, i hate to ruin the fun, but we've only got thirty gigiliters of fuel."

"WHAT?!?! BUT THAT'S FAR TOO LITTLE!!! IF WE RUN OUT, WE'LL GET PULLED INTO THE GRAVITATIONAL PULL OF THIS VERY PLANET!!!"

they get pulled into the gravitational pull of that very planet.

BUT IT'S OKAY, BECAUSE PAPITEX IS AN EXCELLENT PILOT!!! HE'LL MAKE SURE THEY LAND SAFELY ON THE PLANET!!!

...yeah, i think they crash.

WHAT?!?! WHY?!?!

i dunno, it just seems like they have too little for papitex to do much to save the ship.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GIVE THE SPACESHIP TOO LITTLE FUEL? CAN'T YOU CHANGE IT?

alright. they have just enough fuel for papitex to land it safely.

PHEW!!!

sorta.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?!

they still ran out of fuel.

SO THEY ENDED UP CRASHING ANYWAY?!?!

yeah, but safely. not much was destroyed.

WELL... ALRIGHT, I'LL LET THAT ONE SLIDE. SO THE BROTHERS COME OUT OF THE SHIP, NOT WORSE FOR WEAR... SO WHAT DOES THE PLANET LOOK LIKE?

uhh... pink.

PINK?

yeah, pink. pink everything. pink trees, pink grass, and it smells like vanilla ice cream cake.

YOU JUST DESCRIBED CANDYLAND.

i'm hungry.

THEN GET SOME SNACKS!!! I THINK AN ALIEN PLANET WOULD HAVE WEIRD TREES!!! WITH... EYES. NO, HANDS!!! AND THEY CAN TALK USING THEIR HANDS, AND THEY SAY TO THE BROTHERS, "WELCOME TO PLANET..." UHH...

heh, planet uhh.

...SURE. "WELCOME TO PLANET UHH!!! YOU'LL BE STAYING HERE A WHILE UNLESS YOU GET THAT DARN SPACESHIP FIXED!!!"

"you speak our language?"

"I SPEAK ALL LANGUAGES!!!" AND THEN PAPITEX WOULD SAY, "WELL, THIS IS WEIRD!!! IT'S A GOOD THING THIS ATMOSPHERE IS BREATHABLE!!!"

"yup, we'd be dead otherwise."

"WELL, THEN!!! COME ON, SANTROI!!! WE NEED TO FIND SOMETHING THAT CAN GET THIS SPACESHIP OFF THE GROUND!!!"

"aye aye, captain."

ARE THEY PIRATES?

good point. "aye aye, great papitex."

SO THEN THEY JUST WANDER INTO THE STRANGE PLANET WOODLAND NATURE THING, I GUESS. BUT WHAT COULD POWER THEIR SPACESHIP?

hmm... "okay, uh, papitex, according to my research, we need to find this magic gem to power our spaceship."

"A MAGIC GEM, YOU SAY? CAN IT ONLY BE FOUND ON THIS PLANET?"

"...no. that would be incredibly unlikely that it only appears on this planet. there are billions of planets, papitex, i'm sure there's gonna be more planets with this specific gem on them."

"UGH, YOU AND YOUR NERD TALK! VERY WELL! LET'S GO INTO THE JUNGLE AND SEE IF WE CAN'T FIND IT! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

so what would a pink alien jungle look like?

HMM... TREES HAVING MONSTER CONVERSATIONS!!!

animals with four legs, two arms and three tails.

AND THEY LAY EGGS THAT LOOK LIKE BAKED POTATOES!!!

and flowers that can water themselves.

AND OCCASIONAL FAKE GRASS THAT'S ACTUALLY A LAKE!!!

oh, those alien brothers are gonna fall in that so much.

I CAN IMAGINE PAPITEX FALLING IN THOSE A TOTAL OF THREE TIMES WHILE EXPLORING!!!

heh, i bet he'd get really annoyed at that.

OH, HE WILL!!! "GOSH DARN IT, WHY DO I KEEP FALLING INTO THESE DISGUISED WATERS?!?!"

"cuz the water's camouflaged, sir."

"WELL, CAN IT NOT BE? WE'RE ON A VERY IMPORTANT MISSION HERE!" WAIT, WHY WOULD THE WATER BE CAMOUFLAGED?! WHAT'S IT HIDING?

uhh... raccoon fish. and chameleon fish.

...THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE!!! SO SANTROI AND PAPITEX... WAIT, QUESTION. ARE THEY TWINS?

duh, why wouldn't they be?

YES!!! OKAY, SO THESE TWO ALIEN TWINS ARE WANDERING THROUGH. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY WOULD ENCOUNTER?

what?

CATS!!! CATS EVERYWHERE!!! CAT ALIENS WHO WEAR SKIRTS AND DAISY CHAIN NECKLACES AND NOTHING ELSE AND THEY POUNCE ON THEM!!! "AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaa."

AND THEY SAY, "WE ARE THE TRIBE OF UHH!!! OUR GREAT LEADER REQUIRES A SACRIFICE, AND YOU-"

hehehehehehehehehe SNRT the trihihihihibe. the trihihhihibe of uhhuhhuhuhhhh...

SANS, STOP LAUGHING!!! THIS IS A SERIOUS TURNING POINT!!!

hehehehehe, heh... sorry. hehehe, let's continue.

"WE ARE THE TRIBE OF UHH!!! OUR GREAT LEADER NEEDS A SACRIFICE, AND YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED FOR THE... SACRIFICE." SHOOT, I MESSED IT UP.

it's fine. "wait, what? why us? what could we offer to your leader?"

"BECAUSE, FOREIGN ALIENS, YOU, AND ONLY YOU!!! JUST HAPPENED TO BE PASSING. AND I DON'T WANT MY GRANDPA TO BE SACRIFICED, SO... IT'S YOU!!!"

"nooooooooo." hey, is papitex gonna fight out of it?

UM... NO. "NO WAIT!!! WE NEED TO GET THE GEM!!! YOU CAN'T JUST SACRIFICE US, WE DID NOTHING WRONG!!! MAYBE IF WE CAN LOOK PAST OUR DIFFERENCES, WE CAN-" AND THEN THEY INTERRUPT WITH, "NO!!! YOU MUST BE SACRIFICED!!! TAKE THEM AWAY!!!" AND THEN THE OTHER CATS COME OUT AND THEY TIE THEM UP AND THEY TAKE THEM TO THEIR TRIBE VILLAGE!!!

is this a deserted island story now?

...SHUSH!!! SO, THEY GO TO THEIR VILLAGE AND THERE'S ALL OF THESE ALIENS THAT ARE ALL DIFFERENT ANIMALS!!! WE HAVE, UM, LEMURS, TIGERS, LIONS, POLAR BEARS...

polar bears?

FISH IN POLAR BEAR COSTUMES, FOR SOME REASON...

heh. maybe it's to keep themselves warm.

GOOD POINT. SO, PAPITEX AND SANTROI MEET THE KING, WHO IS A LION, OBVIOUSLY.

a aLION.

YES!!! AN ALION!!! KING ALION!!!

shouldn't he be a chief?

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE IT WORKS DIFFERENTLY ON THIS PLANET!! LIKE CHIEFS ARE KINGS AND KINGS ARE CHIEFS!!! AND CAPTAINS ARE GENERALS AND GENERALS ARE-

captains?

NO, PRIVATES.

papyrus.

NO, AS IN MILITARY PRIVATES! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BATHROOMS!

ok. i would really like a captain toilet, though.

LIKE THAT TOILET WE FOUND IN WATERFALL?

can captain toilet exist on this planet, please?

YES, YES!!! I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE ASKING ME FOR PERMISSION.

captain toilet...

ANYWAY, WE'RE GETTING OFF TRACK!!!

oh, right. i'll be the king. ahem. "ah, thank you, my loyal subjects. you got me perfect sacrifices for our god."

"WAIT, MR ALION!!! YOU WON'T WANT TO SACRIFICE US!!!"

"yeah, we just wanna get some fuel-" "silence!" he interrupts them cuz... yeah. "silence, aliens! we needed a sacrifice, and you just happened to be there, so we're gonna sacrifice you now... blah blah blah king captain toilet stuff."

NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!

"unless you have a good reason why you shouldn't be sacrificed."

"HMM... WE DESERVE TO LIVE?"

"ha, no you don't."

WOW!!!

what?

WOHOHOWIE, I CANNOT BELIEVE... ALRIGHT. "WOW, THAT'S VERY HARSH OF YOU!!!"

"sacrifice now!"

AAAAAAA!!! OH NO!!! HOW DO WE SAVE THEM, SANS?

uhh... the king's daughter comes in. and she goes, "no, daddy, nooooo!" like you see in movies.

WHAT?!?! NYEH HEH HEH HEH, YES!!! SHE COMES IN AND IS ALL LIKE, "NO, DAD, STOP!!! THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SACRIFICING THEM TO, IT WOULDN'T WORK!!!"

"oh, i see. i guess we should explain the god, then."

"NO NO!!!" AND THEN... HMM... WHAT NOW?

uhh... she found a better sacrifice. yeah. a better sacrifice. "i found a better sacrifice, daddy! it's bigger and much juicer than those skaliens!"

SKALIENS?

yeah, like, aliens and skeletons? like aliens and lions? yeah?

OHH!!! "YES, DADDY, I FOUND A BIG..." UM... "A BIG DOG!!! A BIG, VERY ANNOYING DOG!!!"

ooh. "a big dog, you say? why, that's perfect. skaliens, i let you go."

"YAY, WE'RE FREE!!!"

"but only if you bring that dog to me." and then santroi is like, "okay!"

AND PAPITEX IS ALSO LIKE, "OKAY!!!" SO I SUPPOSE THEY GO INTO THE JUNGLE AGAIN...

yeah, but... ehh... i'm thinking they find a huge cave.

A HUGE CAVE...

and it's full of weird alien gems.

OOH!!! WHAT IF IT'S FULL OF THOSE GEMS THE SKALIENS NEED TO POWER THEIR SPACESHIP???

yeah, that's great. so is that it? they just take the gems and get outta there?

HMM... NO. WE NEED TO FINISH THE PLOT. LET'S SEE, UM... WHAT COULD GET IN THEIR WAY...

...

...

what about-

WHAT ABOUT A GIANT DOG?!?!

hey, i was about to say that.

REALLY?

yeah, totally.

I HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVING YOU.

i have a hard time believing you don't believe me.

I HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVING YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!!

i have a-

WE'RE GETTING OFF TRACK!!! SO THERE'S THIS GIANT DOG, OKAY?

"Bork bork!"

THAT'S A REALLY GOOD IMPRESSION.

thanks.

BIG, ORANGE... THE SIZE OF A HOUSE! AND THE DOG ATE THE GEMS.

"aw, man."

"NOOOOO!!!" SO WHAT DO THEY DO ABOUT IT?

take the dog to the alien vet?

NO, IT'S TOO BIG FOR THE ALIEN VET BUILDING. ALSO, THERE'S NO ALIEN VET BUILDING.

i think there could be an alien vet building. after all, this planet is full of furry alien tribes.

HMM... WELL, THERE AREN'T ANY NEARBY! SO WE HAVE TO, UM... HMM... FIGHT THE DOG!

"pump its stomach!"

"FIGHT THE STOMACH!!!"

jeebus.

WHAT? I LIKE FIGHTING THINGS!

you spend too much time with undyne, bro.

AND WHY NOT? SHE'S GREAT!!! THE THIRD GREATEST INDIVIDUAL IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!

oh, really? who's the second greatest?

...MOVING ON!!!

what's with the look?

MOVING ON!!!

ok. "hey, papitex, i think i know what to do. remember what we did back on galaxar x-9?"

"WITH THE SPACE PUPPIES???"

"yeah. tell it to roll over."

"OKAY, I TRUST YOU!!! ROLL OVER, BOY! ROLL OVER!"

heh heh. nice. and then santroi drops a boulder on his stomach.

NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!! THAT'S-

and then all the gems come out like a fountain.

NYAHAHAHAHA, THAT'S BRUTAL!!! I DIHIHIDN'T-

the dog's fine, but the gems are just pshheew, whooshew, whooshewie pooie woowie-

ARE YOU OKAY?

yeah. and they're flying, flying... and then they give the dog a good old belly rub.

OF COURSE. BUT WOWIE, NOW THEY HAVE THE GEMS, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ALIONS?

oh yeah. uhh... eh, what do you think?

I THINK THEY WOULD STORM THE CAVE TO LOOK FOR THEM!!! AND THEN THEY CORNER THEM ALL LIKE, "HAVE YOU FOUND THE SACRIFICE?!" AND PAPITEX IS LIKE, "NOOOOO, WE'RE NOT GIVING THIS DOG TO YOU, IT'S NOT NICE!!!"

didn't you want to fight its stomach?

FIGHTING IS ONE THING, SACRIFICING IS ANOTHER.

fair enough. but then what if during this conflict, they all run away to try and save the dog?

OH, AND THEN WE RUN INTO A CORNER LIKE IN THOSE MOVIES WHERE THE CHARACTERS ARE STUPID!!!

yeah, cuz obviously something like that has to happen. and then what if the dog, like uh, sacrifices itself?

BECAUSE THEY TRIED TO SAVE IT?

yeah, cuz we tried to save it. and then the alions are like "yes, this should do. goodbye." and then papitex and santroi can go back to their ship and-

AND CRY!!!

...and fix their ship, but yeah, that too.

BECAUSE PAPITEX WILL CRY.

why.

BECAUSE, SANS!!! I MAY- I MEAN, PAPITEX MAY BE A MONSTER- UM, ALIEN- TH-THING, BUT HE'S NOT A 'MONSTER' MONSTER!!! YOU KNOW, LIKE THE ONES IN FOLKLORE!

i get it, i get it. but what about this? they're fixing their spaceship, and boom! sudden laser.

WHY?

because the dog was actually an evil robot and it's gonna destroy the whole planet.

WHAT?!?!?!

hehehehehehehe!

THAT'S SUCH A PLOT TWIST!!! LIKE ONE OF THOSE CHEESY PASTRY TWISTS YOU FIND IN SNOWDINN BAKERY!!!

yeah, the place with the pink cakes, right? mmm, now i'm hungry...

FOCUS, SANS!!!

ok, ok.

SO, LET'S SAY THIS EVIL ROBOT DOG IS GOING TO USE THE HEAT FROM THE VOLCANO TO GROW BIGGER THAN THE PLANET ITSELF!!! AND THEN ONCE IT GROWS, IT'LL... EAT THE PLANET LIKE A GIANT COOKIE!!!

ooh.

SO PAPITEX AND SANTROI ARE LIKE, "OH NO!!! WE HAVE TO SAVE THE PLANET!!!" SO THEY GO WOOSH!!! POOSH!!! PA POW!!! AND THEN THEY TAKE THEIR SPACESHIP!!! WOOSH TO SPACE!!! AND THEN THE FIGHT IS ON!!!

up to the woofian.

...YES!!! UP TO THE WOOFIAN!!!

the space robot dog.

THE WOOFIAN, THE SPACE ROBOT EVIL DOG ROBOT... THING. AND THEN WHEN THEY GO INSIDE, THEY FIND A BUNCH OF... OF... SPACE MONKEYS!!!

space monkeys?

THAT THE WOOFIAN KIDNAPPED!!!

oh, so they're prisoners?

SORT OF. THEY WERE MIND CONTROLLED INTO ATTACKING US- THEM!!! AND SO WE- THE BROTHER ALIENS HAVE TO FIGHT!!! THEY HAVE TO FIGHT TO FREE THEM FROM THE... UM...

mind-controlling goggles.

YES!!! THEIR GOGGLES LOOK REALLY DUMB, AND IT'S NOT A GOOD FASHION STATEMENT.

yeah, and the colors clash too much. definitely not a good look for them.

BUT BEFORE THEY CAN GET THE GOGGLES OFF, THE MONKEYS CAPTURE THEM!!!

uh oh. what will they do?

THEY... THEY'LL COMPLETELY, WHAT'S THE WORD? DECAPITATE THEM!

what?!

NO, I MEANT IMMOBILISE. SORRY!!! I MEANT IMMOBILISE!!!

how?

BY... UM... TICKLE TORTURE!!! THEY PIN THEM DOWN AND TICKLE THEM EVERYWHERE, LIKE THIS!!!

wh- hahahahahahaha! hehehehehey, pahahahapyrus, stahahahahahap!

AND THEN THEY CAN'T ESCAPE BECAUSE THEY'RE BEING TICKLED TOO MUCH!!! OH, HOWEVER WILL THEY GET OUT OF THIS?!??! IT'S A TRAVESTY!!!!

hehehehehe *snort* wahahaha- ahahahaha! whahahat ihihif they- hee hee hee!

HEE HEE?! THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING!!!

lehehehet me speak! hehehehehehe!

OKAY, I'LL LET UP A LITTLE!

goohoohood. hehehehehe! ohohokay, whahahat if papitex f-finds a lohohong, ahahaha, metal rod and juhuhust pokes the monkeys with ihit? hahaha, the monke-heeheehees!

OH, AND IF THEY USE IT TO KNOCK OFF THE GOGGLES, THEY COULD STOP THE TICKLING TOO!!! AND THEN THEY'LL BE FREE!!!

hehehehehehe! heh heh... y-yeah... phew...

AND WITH THOSE MONKEYS FREE, THEY CAN WORK BESIDE U- THEM AND FREE THE OTHERS FROM THEIR HYPNOTIC TRANCES!!!

yeah, they can do that while papitex and santroi go up to see the captain. and that captain is...

CAPTAIN TOILET!!!

...bro...

NYEH HEH HEH!!! I KNEW YOU'D LIKE IT!!! LOOK AT THAT SMILE!!! IT'S ONLY INDICATIVE THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE SUCCEEDED ONCE AGAIN!!!

succeeded, huh?

YES, BECAUSE I AM THE MASTER OF MAKING PEOPLE SMILE!!! ESPECIALLY YOU!!!

heh, you really gotta stop being so cute sometimes, you know that?

WHY NOT? MY INHERENT ADORABLENESS IS ONLY ONE OF MY MANY AMAZING QUALITIES!!! ANOTHER IS MY IMPECCABLE IMAGINATION AND MY ABILITY TO MAKE YOU SMILE, NO MATTER WHAT!!!

heh, and you're humble, too.

EXACTLY!!! YOU GET IT!!!

heh heh heh, so captain toilet, huh?

YES, BUT I'M THINKING THAT BEFORE THEY FIND CAPTAIN TOILET, THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THESE COOL AND DANGEROUS PUZZLES!!! BUT SINCE THEY'RE EVIL PUZZLES, THEY'RE NOWHERE NEAR TO MY- UM, PAPITEX'S LEVEL OF PUZZLING EXPERTISE!!!

so, no fire or spikes or electric mazes, then?

NO!!! THEY ARE ALL LASERS AND AIR VENTS AND CONFUSING CONVEYOR BELTS!!! YOU KNOW, EVIL PUZZLES!!!

i gotcha.

SO AFTER ALL OF THAT, SANTROI AND PAPITEX FINALLY WALK UP TO THE FINAL BOSS!!! THE ONE!!! THE ONLY!!! CAPTAIN TOILET!!!

hehehehehe!

NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!

hey, what if from now on, we say captain toilet's name with that dramatic echo effect, like captain toilet!

CAPTAIN TOILET!!!

bahahahahahahaha!

PFFT- NYEH HEH HEH!!!

and captain toilet is just some pup in a giant mech suit.

LIKE GREATER DOG?

sorta, but it's not, you see, cuz greater has a normal suit of armor and captain toilet has a mech suit.

AHH... SO, THE BATTLE BEGINS, AND EVERYONE IS PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS!!! THEY'RE ALL LIKE, "RAH!!!" AND "AAAAAAAA!!!" AND "WOOF WOOF WOOF!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE DOWN THE CAPTAIN TOILET WOOFIAN REGIME!!!"

but of course, papitex is the coolest fighter there, right?

...SANS.

it's true. papitex can keep up with everything captain toilet throws at him. heh, i would even say he's the strongest skalien in the entire penguin galaxy. wait, no, in the whole universe.

SANS.

and he's super good at blocking attacks too. he's really strong and agile and cool...

SANS!

who could live up to him? no one.

SANS!

he's probably the best fighter in- uhh... what's with that look? are you blushing? are you embarrassed?

NO!!! I'M NOT!!! ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE VERY TRUE AND OBJECTIVELY CORRECT AND IT'S NOT FLATTERING TO ME IN THE SLIGHTEST!!!!! BUT YOU CAN'T FORGET ABOUT SANTROI!!! HE'S ALSO REALLY TOUGH AND SMART AND VERY VERY COOL, THOUGH CLEARLY HE'S NOT AS COOL AS PAPITEX.

obviously.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS OBVIOUS?

what?

THAT SANTROI WOULD BE THE ONE TO FIGURE OUT CAPTAIN TOILET'S TRUE WEAKNESS USING HIS EXCEPTIONAL OBSERVATION SKILLS!!!

...aww.

HA!!! NOW WHO'S FLATTERED?

so you WERE flattered?

NO!!! WHAT I'M S-SAYING IS... PETS. CAPTAIN TOILET'S TRUE WEAKNESS IS PETS!!!

duh. so santroi starts petting the dog.

YES!!!

and then he keeps petting him long enough so that-

YES, LONG ENOUGH SO THAT-

PaPiTeX cOuLd ShUt DoWn ThE sPaCeShIp!

...

that was creepy.

LET'S NOT TRY DOING THAT AGAIN.

okay, so santroi pets the dog and is like, "papitex! now!"

"YES, BROTHER!!!" BOW!!! BOW WOW CANNOT CHOW WOW NO MORE!!! THE PLANET IS SAVED!

and then there's a dance party.

WITH CAKE!

and balloons.

AND DANCING!!!

and giant toilets.

AND... WHY.

it's a space party, let's make stuff up.

OKAY!!! A GIANT SKELETON BALLOON!!!

breakdancing unicorns!

A CHOCOLATE EXPLOSION!!!

ketchup cannons!

ALIENS WEARING COWBOY OUTFITS!!!

bubblegum lasers! bubblegum bubblegum bubblegum...

BUBBLEGUM BUBBLEGUM BUBBLEGUM... STOP SAYING IT, YOU'RE GETTING ME TO DO IT!!!

bubblegum bubblegum bubblegum bubblegum...

STOP!!! TOO MUCH!!! TOO MUCH BUBBLEGUM!!! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

bubblegum bubblegum bubblegum hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehe!

NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!

--------

As Sans and Papyrus broke down into heavy laughter, they ended up leaning against each other and rattling their bones to their souls' content. And boy, were they very content indeed. The Mettaton show was all but forgotten as the brothers embraced each other's company, both figuratively and literally.

Chapter Text

Welcome to Snowdin Woods. A calm, pleasant place inhabited by many wonderful creatures. Here, we see the Papricus Osteonious, running for his life from a pack of Canis Familiaris, with what appears to be a Comis Sansicus Osteonious superglued to his back and covered in pink glitter. Hear their majestic screams of terror and frustration, mainly from the Papricus.

"THAT WAS THE WORST PRANK IDEA YOU EVER HAD!!!"

"aw, c'mon, it's just a little bedazzlin'. i thought it was pretty funny."

"YEAH, UNTIL YOU TRIPPED AND SPILLED THE ENTIRE THING EVERYWHERE!!! AND IN DOGGO'S EYES!!!"

"ok, maybe i made a mistake, sue me. by the way, they're catching up to us."

"OH NO."

The Canis Familiaris, ever so efficient when running on all fours, are quickly closing the gap between themselves and the Osteonious. Whatever are the Osteoniouses to do except run into a corner like a couple of idiots. In the smaller one's defence, he was hanging off of the taller one's back, so he could not decide the path the two chose. He could only watch as the Canis bounded closer, closer, closer...

"papyrus. a corner? really?"

"FINE, THEN I'LL GO THIS WAY!!!"

Utilising his endless well of energy, the Papricus leaped into action. Literally. He leaped high, high above the trees, above the grass, above the snow and the Canis... and landed directly on top of a similarly glitterified puzzle.

"AHA!!! LET'S SEE THEM TRY TO GET THROUGH THIS!!!" The Papricus tried to lift his foot to activate it, but he made one crucial error. The puzzle was also covered in super glue, the same as the glue keeping the Comis on his back.

"whoops. i forgot i put it here too. my bad."

Listen closely as the Papricus hollers a desperate cry.

"AAAAAAFNFJDJGHFJFJGJDJ!!!"

"hey, buddy. it's okay, we can get outta this."

"WHY DO THE WORST THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEE?!?!?!"

The Canis Familiaris pack is about to join them.

"wait, guys, it's not a good idea to-"

Unfortunately for the Canis, they did not heed the Comis' attempt at a warning. Perhaps if they listened, they wouldn't be in the same sticky situation as they are in right now. The trap proved too effective. The prank went awry.

Okay, nature documentary over.

"we should probably call undyne."

"WHAT?! AND LET HER SEE ME LIKE THIS?"

"it's not like we have much choice."

...

"FINE. I'LL CALL HER." With a sigh of defeat, Papyrus pulled out his phone and proceeded to dial every number sequentially.

Ring, ring...

"Hello?"

"ARE YOU UNDYNE?"

"No."

Beep!

Ring, ring...

"Hello?"

"ARE YOU UNDYNE?"

"No."

Beep!

Ring, ring...

"Hello?"

"ARE YOU UNDYNE?"

"No."

Beep!

Dogamy piped up. "Hey, we have Undyne's number."

"(Yeah, we can call her if you want.)"

The atmosphere was oddly calm. The calm before the storm, as they say. "FINE."

As he waited for the inevitable, Papyrus thought to himself. Maybe she will understand. Maybe she will forgive them for getting into this situation to begin with. After all, Undyne is calm and reasonable and sensible, as level-headed as they come! Surely it'll all be fine, right? There are no consequences to this?

"WHY in the ENTIRE GOD DAMN UNDERGROUND is EVERYONE covered in GLITTER?!?!"

The dogs didn't hesitate to point their snouts at the skeleton brothers. Welp, now they're doomed.

"uhh..." Sans started awkwardly. "hey, it's nothin' we can't handle, right? can't we let bybones be bybones?" He couldn't look at Papyrus, but he could definitely feel his judgement crawling up his back. His superglued back.

A similar aura of judgement radiated off of Undyne too. "I swear, I have never seen such an incompetent bunch of sentries!" As she lectured the group, she proceeded to rip every single sentry present out of the sparkly trap that Sans created. "You were all supposed to be at your stations, not pranking each other! Looks like you need a lesson on professionalism!"

The dogs whined.

Undyne snapped her head towards them. "Don't give me that! You broke protocol by chasing them away from your stations! It's like all that training you did went straight out the window as far as these skeletons are concerned!"

"WAIT, THEY GOT ACTUAL TRAINING?!?!"

"yeah, how come we didn't get training?"

Undyne froze before she facepalmed. Oh, of course the skeletons didn't know how to act! She forgot to give them proper training! Well, she thought, there's an easy fix for that.

"Alright, you punks! This is what we're gonna do. Tomorrow morning, meet me at my house for mandatory training sessions! If you fail to show up, I will come to your house and drag you there myself! It seems like some of us need a reminder on how to act professional around here!" She glanced briefly at Papyrus, who looked at her with a curious wonderment in his eye sockets. But just as she was about to second guess herself, she heard Doggo groan behind her. "Hey! Don't give me that! You all brought this upon yourselves!" She stormed over to the skeleton brothers and glared at Sans as she grabbed him. "Especially you!!"

RIP! There goes Papyrus' cool mountain range shirt! But at least Sans was freed from his self-inflicted glitter prison. He was not, however, free from Undyne's scolding.

She waggled a finger directly in Sans' face. "I mean it, punk. Be there or I'll give you a pummeling. Now back to your stations!!!"

The dogs scattered in all different directions on all fours. As they departed, the fish warrior glanced over in Papyrus' direction. The naïve skeleton's childlike gaze of amazement instantly shifted to a sheepish grin. Sweat beaded on his forehead, his shoulders tensed. What could she say to him after this? She didn't know. All she could do was sigh in, what was it, disappointment? And walk away.

Sans grumbled to himself in what sounded like a mix of shame and dread. "this ain't gonna be good."

"SANS..."

"hm?"

The sheepish grin transformed into a hopeful beam. "IT'S FINALLY GOING TO HAPPEN."

"what, training?"

"YEAH!!!" With a burst of energy, Papyrus stomped both his feet on the ground and flapped his arms in what the brothers like to call The Happy Pappy Dance. "OH MY GOD, THIS IS- I'M FINALLY GONNA- THIS IS- AMAZING!!! INCREDIBLE!!! SPECTACULAR!!! I'M FINALLY GOING TO BE TRAINED ALONGSIDE THE ROYAL GUARD!!! I'M FINALLY GOING TO LEARN SOME REAL ROYAL GUARD TIPS AND TRICKS!!! LIKE HOW TO SIT AND ROLL OVER AND PLAY FETCH!!!"

"that's all dog stuff."

"ROYAL GUARD DOG STUFF!!!!!" Without a moment of hesitation, the plucky Papyrus picked up his plump brother and swung him around like how a little girl would swing around a baby doll before she'd fling it into a wall and- what? You didn't do that? Okay.

"SANS, THIS IS PERFECT! IF WE DON'T GET INTO ANY MORE TROUBLE, I'LL BE A ROYAL GUARD IN NO TIME!!!"

Well... If it's gonna help Papyrus, then...

"yeah. here's hoping."

He's got to find a way out of this.

--------

"Listen up, you maggots!"

Jeebus, what's with the drill sergeant thing? Undyne wasn't even wearing a military outfit! She's just in her suit of armor! Which, come to think of it, is kind of like a military outfit.

Sans subtly shifted his eye sockets to the soldiers lined up beside him and Papyrus, all in a row, not unlike a real military meeting. It appeared that everyone, the dogs and those two guards from Hotland who Sans is 90% sure are into each other, has a suit of armor. Except for him and Papyrus. Why are they even lining up outside of Undyne's house again?

"It has come to my attention that some of you need to relearn some discipline! Because your little STUNT yesterday-" Oh, right, that's why they're here. "proved to me that you've forgotten the true meaning of being a Royal Guard!"

Royal Guards? Oh, Sans knew Papyrus loved hearing that- Wait, Doggo mumbled something.

"The skeletons aren't even Royal Guards, why are they here, they don't-"

A spear landed in the ground directly in front of Doggo. The masked canine immediately straightened his posture and paid attention.

"You haven't been listening, have you?! You're all here because of the incident, an incident these two were DEFINITELY involved in!" Undyne shot a weird glare at the twins before she started lecturing everyone again. And it was at that point where Sans' attention drifted elsewhere. God, who knew training would be so boring? At least when Papyrus lectured him, Sans could turn it around with a joke. But he had the feeling Undyne wouldn't take kindly to that if he tried to do the same thing with her. His shoulders felt tense. Eh, must be the boredom. Maybe. Hopefully.

Actually, on the other hand, disassociation seems like a good option right now. Sans isn't here. He's in his own little wonderland full of dancing burgers and unicorns and...

Papyrus.

Endlessly optimistic, unsuspecting Papyrus.

A mischievous smile etched its way onto Sans' gremlin face as a plan brewed in his mind. While Papyrus was concentrating on whatever boring (stressful) thing Undyne's saying, Sans somehow managed to inch all the way to where Papyrus' metaphorical ears are metaphorically present metaphoricalalalally.

"psst." A giggly whisper. "papyrus. papyyyrusssss."

Poor Papyrus tried so hard to ignore his brother and listen to Undyne, but in his typical brotherly fashion, Sans persisted. He poked and prodded Papyrus more and more until he found him too irritating to ignore. (Ooh, that rhymed! Hey, how about a rap album?)

"WHAT?" Papyrus "whispered".

"what's undyne salmon? is it somethin' about us being too koi yesterday?"

Papyrus covered his mouth. No. No! He can't laugh in this situation! Stop it, Sans!

At least, that's what Papyrus wanted to say. Instead, he held back a snicker and nudged Sans away with his arm, hoping that would be enough for him to get the message.

It was not. In fact, that nudge only encouraged Sans more. Oh, when will he learn?

"ugh, this royal guard schoolin's givin' me a haddock. i'm serious. this punishment's takin' so long, it's gonna krill me."

Papyrus' eye sockets were positively googled by these puns! But no! He has to concentrate! Con-fin-trate? Concen-trout? No! He's doing it too! He has to resist the call of punnery! How else was he going to get back in Undyne's good graces?

"STOP THAT!" Papyrus shoved Sans away again, trying to keep his voice as low as possible. To his credit as an uppercaser, he did a pretty good job that time!

But of course, Sans had to persist.

"i carp-"

Shove. "NO."

"i carp believe-"

Shove. "NO."

"i carp believe that-"

Shove. "CEASE."

"i carp-"

An even harder shove. "ENOUGH!"

Whoops. Too hard of a shove. "(Ow!)"

"whoops. sorry, dogaressa."

Unfortunately for the brothers, it was too late for apologies. The next time they looked up, Undyne was right there, directly glaring at them. Well, actually, she was mostly glaring at Sans, but Papyrus didn't know that.

"Skeletons." She growled. Both skeletons jolted in response, although one was definitely more anxious than the other. Undyne knew that. She wasn't COMPLETELY blind (although her depth perception is another matter entirely). And spotting Papyrus' nervous eyes, noticing his shoulders pressed so tightly against his jaw, how his teeth grinded, how sweat beaded and formed all across his forehead... It broke her a little. All things considered, it wasn't his fault that he had a very distracting brother. So she decided to let him off lightly.

The captain sighed before she started. "Papyrus, listen. I know you've been waiting for this day to come for a long time, but you have to remember that..."

What was Papyrus thinking? He should've ignored Sans when he had the chance. How was he ever going to get into Undyne's good graces when he can't even pay attention to one lecture? No no no. Don't think like that, Papyrus! He had to remind himself that no matter what, Papyrus will always be the Cool Skeleton, Pasta Extraordinaire, Future Royal Guard Member! Yeah... he definitely still has a chance of being a Royal Guard...

What Papyrus was too anxious to notice was the look of worry and guilt Sans displayed as he watched Papyrus get lectured by the head of the underground's military/police force. He didn't mean to get Papyrus into trouble so quickly... Come on, Sans. If Papyrus needed anything more than a brother's love in this moment, then he didn't know what he needed.

Out of the corner of Papyrus' shaky eye sockets (if they were shaking, they certainly FELT like they were shaking), he caught a glimpse of a crossy-eyed Sans googling his eyes at him. Oh, no... Not this! Not now! But gosh, did it help release the tension. Before the thought of resisting Sans' goofiness even crossed his mind, the taller twin started snickering. Oh, dear. That probably wasn't the best idea, especially not in the middle of a lecture from Undyne, of all people. And even if there's even a slight chance Undyne didn't notice, well... Sans' blatant mocking of Undyne definitely caught her attention.

"Hey! What are you two doing?!"

Crap. "UH, N-NOTHING, UNDYNE!!! I W-WAS JUST SMILING BECAUSE... I WAS..."

"And laughing?" Keep your cool, Undyne. This is Papyrus you're talking to. "Papyrus, you really need to start taking this Royal Guard thing seriously if you want to join..."

"I AM!!!" Papyrus desperately pleaded. "I SWEAR, I REALLY, TRULY AM!!! I'M REALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE!!! T-THAT'S WHY I WAS SMILING, HONEST!!!"

Undyne might have believed that excuse if it weren't for several factors. Papyrus' consistent sweating, his shaky tone of voice, the way Sans had this weird inno-guilty look on his face as he avoided eye contact... The face of someone trying to appear innocent after they clearly did something wrong. Incredible. Undyne didn't know she was babysitting two manchildren. However, one of those manchildren... She didn't know why she felt this instinct towards him, but something inside of the warrior told her to be more gentle with him. So she took a deep breath, regained her fragile composure... And let it slide.

"Fine... I'll get to you in a minute." She sneered at Sans before going back to her softened lecture. A lecture that, by all accounts, still had Papyrus on the edge of his metaphorical seat. And Sans couldn't have that!

This time, he didn't even need to do anything to cheer Papyrus up. All he had to do was be there. Simple brief eye contact was all it took for the twins to start snickering once again. It was hard not to when you're both full of nervous energy and everything your brother does is somehow hilarious! And that's when Undyne snapped.

"Would you two CAN IT?!?!?!" The snickering instantly stopped, but Undyne's patience still wore thin. "If you two are incapable of taking your training seriously together, then MAYBE you'll take it seriously when you're APART!!!"

Oh. That got to them. Not that. Anything... Anything but that...

Sans, for the first time since Undyne started lecturing, finally spoke. "whoa, h-heh, you don't have t' do that, undyne. we can-"

"I don't want to hear another word from you!!! You're the one causing all the problems!!!" Okay, now Sans was the one with more anxiety. But Undyne was too angry to care right now. She leaned into his personal bubble and screamed. "You're distracting Papyrus from his goals!!! Not to mention, this is a punishment for YOU!!!!! This isn't school!!! This isn't a place for class clowns!!! You're part of the underground's police force now!!! ACT LIKE IT, ROOKIE!!!"

Loud... Loud... That was all Sans' fear-filled mind was able to conjure up. God, why did he have to be so sensitive to loud noises? Especially shouting. Why was he shaking??? Shouldn't he have grown out of this by now? Stupid senses. Stupid sentry. Stupid Sans. Stop being such a baby.

Normally, Papyrus would know just what to say and do in this situation. And this time... Well, he knew what he WANTED to say and do. But... With everything... He just couldn't do it. Why can't he do it? Body? Come on, body! MOVE! MOVE! SPEAK! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING!

"D-DYNE..." THAT'S IT?!?!?!? Come on, try again! Tell Undyne exactly what you're thinking!

"I need to cool down." Oh. Welp. Too late for that. Undyne already left.

Oh, jeez, the other guards really needed to stop staring at them. Well... the REAL Royal Guards needed to stop staring. It only made things more apparent. What things? ...Everything. The fact that the brothers weren't actual Royal Guards unlike them, yes, but also everything else. How different they are. Physically. Mentally. Fundamentally. When Papyrus finally arrives on the same level as them, will he finally be understood? Will he find acceptance at long last? Or did Sans just help him seal his reputation as a troublemaker before he even got the official crest and armor? He really hoped that wasn't the case... No. No, of course it wasn't! With the exception of today and yesterday, Papyrus had been a great sentry! He remained vigilant, productive, punctual, and his puzzles are top-notch! In fact, he would say he did MORE for the Royal Guard than the Royal Guard did for themselves! So obviously, this won't hurt his reputation! He's just... having an off-day.

("Alright! I'm splitting you into two teams! One team will..")

As for Sans, well... He's not the best sentry. Papyrus knew that. Sans is lazy, easily distracted and would rather spend his time eating at Grillby's than anything else. If anything, HE should have the troublemaker reputation! And Papyrus wouldn't disagree with that assessment, seeing as he knows just how mischievous his brother can be. But even though Sans definitely deserved the punishment (that Papyrus was dragged into, thanks, Sans) Papyrus REALLY didn't want to be separated from his brother. They were supposed to work together, that's the whole reason why Papyrus had Sans be a sentry- Wait, why is Sans looking at him like that? Why is his breathing so shallow, why- Oh, god.

"DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?" Papyrus didn't think it was possible for his voice of all people's to get hoarse.

"sorta. you were kinda ramblin' a little there, bro." Poor Sans was still rattling from what happened just before (was he nervous about the separation too?), but even with his own anxiety, he cupped Papyrus' mandible and made him look straight at him. He put on the most reassuring smile he could muster. "look on the bright side. you'll have plenty of time to prove your worth as a guard to undyne. this could be good for you."

"I... SUPPOSE..."

"Hey! Papyrus! Sans! Get in your teams!"

"i'll figure something out, ok? you don't have to worry." Still rattling slightly, Sans released Papyrus from his gentle touch and slowly sauntered towards the opposite side of the front lawn/training area. Should Papyrus feel reassured? He didn't know. The only thing that occurred was his panic turning into worry. Worry that Sans was going to stir up more trouble somehow.

But he knew Sans was right about one thing.

This was a great opportunity for Papyrus to prove his worth to Undyne.

--------

Seems like Undyne does truly understand the power of a duo. Probably the reason why she let Dogamy and Dogaressa remain on the same team. Either that or they were unbearable when they were separated. Sans wouldn't put it past them. Eh, whatever. He can be unbearable when he's separated from Papyrus. Maybe he was just projecting.

He looked around at his other "teammates". Greater Dog, the Dogi, and this rabbit guy who he'd never seen before. His badge said RG01. Surely that can't be his name, can it? Wait, did that dummy in front of them just move? Why is it glaring at him? Imagine, a dummy judging your sins. Actually, that made a lot of sense, come to think of it. He wondered if the other dummies in the area moved as well, or if it was just the one. Oh, wait, there's Undyne. That made two.

"Alright, punks! Most of you already know the drill, but for the newbie..." Undyne grimaced at Sans. "We're going to test how strong you are! Let's see if you guys have the guts to rip the stuffing out of this dummy!"

Yeah, he figured that was what he was supposed to do. Sans took one look at the mad dummy before speaking up. "hey, uh, i don't have guts. does that mean i can go home?"

Undyne's tight grin faltered. "No."

A shrug. "eh, worth a shot."

The dummy spoke up. "Weaklings. Weaklings! Weaklings!!! I bet you can't even get ONE chunk of fluff out of me!!! I mean, look at that guy!" They gestured towards Sans. "He KNOWS he can't do it so he's backing out like a LOSER! I bet the rest of you are losers too! I've never seen a more pathetic bunch!!!"

Dang. So, it's likely that the dummy was possessed and hired to rile everyone up or something. Undyne seemed like the type of person to do that, from what Sans knew of her (which wasn't that much), at least. He had to wonder if this method actually worked to motivate people, because it certainly doesn't work on him. He just shrugged it off.

Mad Dummy shifted targets to Dogamy. "Hey, you! I dare you to hit me!"

Sans stood back as Dogamy stepped up to the ultimate hater. "Sorry about this." SMACK! What a courteous punch!

"Ugh!" Dramatic much? The dummy didn't even feel any pain, just anger. "Come on! Hit harder! Did your wife really marry a man so wimpy?! I have never seen such a pathetic husband! You were never good enough for her!"

Oh, now THAT riled Dogaressa up! "Don't talk about my husband like that! Hi-ya!" Bam! Straight with the axe! So it did work on some people. Alright! Noted, noted. And she's still beating them up. She's still doing it. ...Training's fun.

"heh. hey, if she doesn't stop, can we go home?"

Undyne snarled. "No."

"worth a shot."

Eventually, Dogamy and Undyne had to pull Dogaressa off the dummy, the latter still barking obscenities.

Sans thought it was hilarious. Undyne, not so much.

"what?"

"What?"

"What?" Did RG01 HAVE to pipe in now or...?

The Mad Dummy, as nuts as they are, decided it would be a good idea to harass ANOTHER Royal Guard member. Makes sense, Sans thought. It WAS their job as the dummy (though some part of him couldn't help but feel bad about it).

"Hey, you! How's your lame dragon boyfriend?!"

"RAAAAAAAAAH--"

Pow! Oof! Oh, that's... That's brutal. Oh jeebus, he ripped the stuffing out of the- Ooh, boy! That dummy better be getting paid handsomely for this job, because oof! Sans couldn't look this time. It was hilarious when Dogaressa did it, but the violence... It just felt too real for him to handle this time.

Soon enough, it was Sans' turn. And that was a problem for two reasons. One: he's incredibly physically weak. He remembered when he struggled to carry the ironing board upstairs just a couple of days ago. And two: Sans just isn't a violent person. It's not in his nature. Even if someone hurt him first, he always forgave them. Just like how he forgave Jerry. Just like how he forgave that cat from the Hotland Memorial Resort. He just couldn't find it in him to get mad enough to be violent about it. It's just not him. Why is he even here?

There's got to be another way to deal with this.

"hey, undyne?"

Oh sweet Delta no. "What now?!"

"i just realised i left my punching gloves at home."

"Just use the gloves you're already wearing!!!"

"i can't."

"Why not?!"

"these are my fingerless gloves. i might break my tiny fragile baby bones."

Undyne groaned and facepalmed into oblivion. "Surely you're not THAT fragile. Just punch the dummy already!"

"can't. i-"

"DON'T CARE, JUST PUNCH IT!!!"

What happened? They got along so well the first time they met... Maybe it was just them "on the clock," as they say. Welp. There was no getting out of this. He had to do what he had to do. Reluctantly, the ironically non-violent sentry stepped up to the dummy to punch it as hard as he can, right in its cottony guts. They practically stood toe to "toe" as Sans' eye sockets were drawn to the cotton spilling out of its midsection. Come to think of it...

Okay, hold up. He had something important to say.

"y'know, it that was blood and guts, this scene would totally be r-rated."

Wut. The dummy thought they were going to have to endure a weak punch. Instead, they had to think about the implications of what this weird skeleton just said. Their large eyebrows furrowed at the thought of that. How dare he interrupt training time! But before they could start verbally assaulting the skeleton...

"Y-"

"yeah, like humans have a bunch of organs and muscles and bones and physical matter inside of their small bodies. it's funny cuz how do they pack all that in, y'know? a lot of humans, they're just so tiny. i mean, i can't say much, i'm not even five feet, so pbt."

The annoyed dummy opened its mouth. "A-"

"and another thing is, kids are fascinated by that stuff. they say to keep violent things away from kids, but kids love that stuff. have you seen what kind of games they play? i know i certainly played a lot of games like that with my brother. i didn't enjoy those as much, but my brother loved them. he came up with a lot of funny and often violent scenarios with the biggest grin on his face. still makes me laugh just thinking about it."

The irked dummy tried to get at least one provocative word in. "Your bro-"

Sans put a hand up, cutting the ghost off. "by the way, which condiment do you think would make hot dogs more slippery? i'm asking cuz i tried to do this magic trick the other day where i put a hot dog into my nasal cavity and had it come out from my brother's nasal cavity. you know, as a joke. but i kinda messed up that time and accidentally got it wedged in his..."

The Royal Guard hissed through their teeth collectively in anticipation.

"...ribcage."

The Royal Guard collectively signed in relief.

"and it wasn't one of those teeny tiny little sausages, nope. it was one of those big, chunky-"

The enraged dummy screamed over Sans, prompting the mischievous skeleton to cover his sensitive not-ears. His Cheshire Cat grin grew as the Mad Dummy only got madder and madder.

"THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN!!!"

The dummy flew away.

...

Sans looked back at the group with the proudest, cheekiest expression a skeleton could muster. Undyne responded with the most exaggerated, undignified scowl a fish monster could muster.

"so if the dummy's gone, can i go home?"

"NO!!!"

--------

Papyrus gazed up hopefully at the strange obstacle course Undyne haphazardly put together just for them. Monkey bars, a tunnel, a see saw, poles they're supposed to weave in and out from... Come to think of it, it looks a whole lot like a dog's obstacle course. But that's good, because all good dogs are good Royal Guards, and Papyrus was about 98% certain that he was a good d- SKELETON. A good SKELETON. The thing is, only half the group were actually dogs. So, being the cool, kindhearted skeleton he is, Papyrus tried to make conversation with the only other non-dog in the group - a muscly dragon monster, who wore a full suit of armor. Interesting. They have so much in common already!

"HELLO, THERE!!! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"

"..."

Great start. "SO, WHERE'S YOUR POST?"

"..."

Ah, yes. How wonderful. "OH, I PATROL AROUND SNOWDIN! THEY SAY IT'S THE COOLEST PLACE IN THE UNDERGROUND, BUT COOL DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE IT!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

"..."

What a meaningful conversation! Oh, Undyne arrived. She looked more annoyed than anything. Papyrus briefly wondered how could she have gotten so irate, before he remembered that Sans was in the other group. If irritation was a bug, it was certainly contagious. Though Papyrus didn't count on nervousness being a symptom of it.

"Alright," Undyne huffed before forcing her usual shark grin back on her face. "I set up this AMAZING course for you guys to test your athleticism! A Royal Guard needs to be quick and agile to attack humans with more force!!! Humans are tough!!! We need to show them that monsters CANNOT be taken down again!!!"

"NYEH!!!"

Papyrus' cheer cheered Undyne up a bit. "Yeah!!! That's the spirit!!! So, go go go!!! Do that obstacle course!!! NGAAHHHH!!!!!!!"

"NYEEEEEEH!!!!!!!"

Immediately Papyrus took off running. He didn't even look back to see if anyone else shared the same enthusiasm as him (they didn't, by the way), he just kept running. And leaping! He almost missed the first bar, but after that little stumble, Papyrus fully honed in on it. The other members of his group, while they had started at around the same time as Papyrus, weren't as enthused or skilled as he was. It was almost like the Snowathon! Except there's no polar bears dressed as fish waiting to- Wait! Sorry! Other way around!

But anyway, besides that first bar, he didn't slip on the monkey bars ONCE, and he was wearing gloves! As a skeleton, he was able to wiggle through the tunnel with ease. He didn't know what exactly he had to do with the see saw, so he sat on one end and used his bone attacks to launch him high on the other. After a flip, Papyrus gracefully landed on one of the poles he was supposed to weave around, then cartwheeled off and weaved through the poles with ease, all whilst imagining them as bone attacks. Finally, he slid to the end, sweaty and tired, but still as victorious as a cool dude should be.

As Papyrus reflected on what he just did, he couldn't help but recognise just how much BETTER he was at it than the actual Royal Guards. He watched Lesser Dog get her long neck stuck in the tunnel, then watched her chase a moth around with her neck STILL lodged in the tunnel. Poor Doggo couldn't see the bars unless he rattled them a little, so he was constantly falling down. As for RG02, well... His armor wasn't much help when it came to the see saw... It completely snapped in half.

Papyrus knew it wasn't their fault he was so much cooler than them. So he did what any good Papyrus would do.

"COME ON, GUYS!!! I KNOW YOU CANNOT BEAT ME, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD GIVE UP!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! KEEP GOING!!! YOU'LL GET SECOND BEST SOON, I PROMISE!!!"

A fishy tap on the shoulder spooked Papyrus out of his skin! Oh, wait-

"Papyrus," Undyne beamed teasingly. "You do realise it's training, not a competition, right?"

The reminder mixed with the scare caused Papyrus to laugh a little. "NYEH HEH... HEH HEH... YEAH... I GUESS THAT'S TRUE..." The sheepish skeleton dug his boot into the dirt whilst he tried to avoid eye contact and fidgeted with his gloves. At least Undyne seemed a lot happier. Maybe he even had a chance...

"But if it WAS..." Undyne added, which made Papyrus forget all about his own sheepishness. "Then I would totally beat all of you!"

Before Papyrus realised what that meant, Undyne sped around and did the obstacle course herself to prove a point! And boy, was she just... just...

"INCREDIBLE!!!" Were his cheekbones glowing pink? Yes. Because this was something to be in awe about! Her swift flips over the bars, her power kick through the "tunnel" (he had to imagine an invisible tunnel since Lesser Dog still had it wrapped around her neck. Chances were, she probably got herself stuck somewhere again), her dog leap over RG02 (and her subsequent suplex of the big dragon monster as she freed him from the shackles of shattered wood), and her quick dash through the poles all but confirmed her superiority. There was a reason Undyne was the Head of the Royal Guard! She's a figure every aspiring Royal Guardsman should look up to!!! And that...

That was fine...

"WOWIE, UNDYNE!!!" Papyrus stomped and rattled his bones excitedly. "THAT WAS UNLIKE ANYTHING I'VE EVER SEEN!!!"

Undyne laughed and, with a deep breath, wiped beads of sweat off her forehead, before putting her hands on her hips in a heroic stance. If Papyrus didn't feel the constant urge to move in his excitement, he would've copied her.

"Well, someone had to show those chumps how it's done! Fuhuhuhu!"

Chumps? Was... Was Papyrus included in that? His excitement dulled in favour of... No, he can't feel like that, keep it together, Papyrus! He just... Just had to ask her. He had to ask her if he was a chump. Go on.

"UNDYNE-"

"Lesser! How in the entire underground did YOU- Hey!!!" And of course, Lesser did indeed, get stuck somewhere. It was practically inevitable. Although that did mean Undyne had to run off to get her unstuck.

That's fine. Papyrus didn't need to know what Undyne truly thought of him anyway. It's not like he needed her approval to make it up to her and get in the Royal Guard or anything. It's fine!

After all...

--------

...There were still plenty of opportunities to prove himself! Like this! A bunch of gym equipment, including three different weights, a jump rope, a treadmill and whatever that pully-rope thing was! Now, Papyrus had never been inside a gym in his life, but he knew in his bones that he was going to be incredible at it! And the best part was, the group was all back together! Seemed like Undyne was already tired of keeping the two groups separate, so everyone was able to be together for this playground of a task. And that meant Sans was by his side once more, even if his laziness prevented him from trying one of these things.

Since the dogs were already occupying most of the equipment, Papyrus set his eye sockets on the heaviest dumbbell present. It didn't seem like much to him, only about 3 kilograms. That's nothing compared to what Papyrus can lift! This will be easy!

Except it wasn't. The muscle-less skeleton couldn't even get it a little bit off the ground! How ridiculous is that?!?! The skeleton who can rip a tree in half can't even lift 3 kilograms off the ground?! What is happening?!?!

"HNGH! HRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!" Poor Papyrus. In his pursuit of impressing what he saw as the Empress of Guard-hood (not a real word, but okay), he pathetically couldn't pick up the weight. And his lazy brother didn't help matters.

"uh, bro? did you seriously go for the heaviest weight first?"

"I HAVE, NNGH, TO, GAAHHH, IMPRESSSSSSS UNDYNE!!!!!!"

"makes sense. i'm sure breaking your back is totally gonna impress her."

"I'M NOT GOING TO, HNNNAAAAH, BREAK MY BACK!!!"

"...you know you gotta lift with your legs, right?"

"THAT'S WHAT I'M DOOOOIIIIIIING!!!!!!" Well, that's what he switched to doing after Sans pointed it out, so maybe he was a little helpful.

It didn't stop what happened next, though.

Pop! There went 206 bones! All over the ground! Who knew a skeleton could fall apart so cleanly?

Sans barely had any time to laugh at Papyrus' precarious predicament before a bark threatened to rupture his nonexistent eardrums. He instinctually covered his external acoustic meatuses as more and more dogs started barking.

"Bones! Bones! Get the bones!" Dogamy ruffed as Dogaressa bounded towards one of Papyrus' vulnerable femurs.

"HEY!!! I CAN STILL FEEL THAT, YOU KNOW?! STOP CHEWING ON ME!!!" Papyrus screeched as Greater Dog nibbled on one of his ulnas.

Now that just won't do!

"hey, guys. uh, that's not food." Sans tried to address them sternly, but none of them were paying attention.

That's it. Sorry, pups, but you're about to have a bad time.

Quick on his feet (and hands), Sans weighed the running dogs down with blue magic. Some of them whimpered in response.

"Hey!"

"(That wasn't very nice!)"

Neither was taking someone else's limbs to chew on, but did they think about that? Nope! The dogs kept persisting. They ran slower due to the added gravity, but it was still not enough for Sans to get Papyrus' bones back. So what did he do?

Trip them.

"sorry!"

One by one, the dogs tripped up. Platforms, bones, whatever bullets Sans is able to use to keep them from running away, he used. It was like going to some sort of slapstick comedy show, with all the pratfalling the stubborn dogs did!

The comedy show didn't last long when Undyne came back, however. It must have been quite a sight to see. A pack of dogs running around with your friend's limbs? What is this madness?

Frustration brewing, Undyne slammed her spear into the ground and screamed, stopping everyone in their tracks. "What is going on here?! Put those bones down!!!"

The guard dogs did as they told. All at once, they relinquished Papyrus' bones and sat in a row, whimpering and giving their best puppy eyes as Undyne scolded them.

"You were meant to practice on the equipment, NOT eat your coworker!!! Bad dogs!!! Bad dogs!!!" The frustrated fish snatched up each of Papyrus' bones and proceeded to help Sans put Papyrus back together, leaving the dogs to think about what they've done. After that, she helped Papyrus stand. "Are you okay, Papyrus?"

"YEAH, JUST A LITTLE SORE FROM THE CHEWING. I-I MEAN, YES, I'M COMPLETELY FINE!!!" The bite marks in his bones said otherwise.

"Okay, okay, good..." Undyne sighed in relief... Before she blew up again, this time with panic. "What the hell happened to you?!?!"

"O-OH... WELL, YOU SEE, UM..."

"he's fine." Sans interjected, saving Papyrus a lot of anxiety as Undyne turned to him with a confused stare. "skeletons just fall apart sometimes. it's like falling apart mentally, but literally. but don't worry. we know how to put ourselves back together."

Undyne nodded with understanding. Perhaps this would turn out well after all!

But of course, nothing ever turns out well. "it's also what happens when you try to go for the heaviest weight first." Sans winked like he just said the funniest joke in the world.

Undyne and Papyrus didn't find it funny.

"What?!?!"

"I CAN EXPLAIN!!! I'M INCREDIBLY STRONG NORMALLY, BUT THIS TIME, THE WEIGHT WAS BEING WEIRD!!!"

"How does that even make- fjsjfjdkfjdjksjskjcjfsl" Error. Error. The fish is glitching. The fish is glitching. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

Seeing his future freak out in front of him filled Papyrus with dread and anxiety! "W-WELL, AT LEAST I DID SOMETHING!!! SANS DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!!!"

That just made it worse. "papyrus!"

Undyne bit her hand to keep herself from screaming. Deep breaths, Undyne. Deep breaths. The brothers are troublemakers, yes, but Undyne's stronger than that. She's got this. Deep breaths...

...

"...so can we go home?"

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

--------

Amazing. Community service. All for saving his brother from a pack of dogs. Wait no. It was because he didn't participate in any of the training. So great. Now he has to do this. What a bore.

Great. Just perfect. Community service. All for what? He didn't do anything wrong! He just wanted to impress Undyne! How was he going to impress Undyne by picking up trash in the dump and organising them? This wasn't an opportunity, it was a chore!

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, SANS!!!" Papyrus grumbled as he tossed a can into the can pile.

"what? me?" Sans kicked a broken toaster into the junk pile.

"YES, YOU!!!"

"dude, i wasn't the one who thought picking up the heaviest weight first was a good idea."

"WELL, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL HER ABOUT IT!!! THAT WAS THE ONE THING YOU DID TODAY!!!"

"excuse me? i tried to help you, you know?"

Papyrus sighed. It was true, but he couldn't help but be upset at Sans about it.

"OH, SANS, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? NOW MY CHANCES OF IMPRESSING UNDYNE ENOUGH TO JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD ARE SLIM TO NONE? MY REPUTATION... MY PICTURE PERFECT REPUTATION... IT'S ALL RUINED..." To drive the point home, Papyrus threw an arm over his face and fainted into the "soft things" pile. Wallowing. He was wallowing.

Sans knew he shouldn't let Papyrus wallow like this. Last time he did, Papyrus started wearing eyeliner and a wig with purple highlights. He can still remember the hard rock music he blasted in his bedroom. That was a weird week.

"come on, papyrus, what is this? my brother wouldn't give up just because of a simple punishment. there's still plenty of opportunities for ya, it doesn't have to be all or nothin', you know?"

Papyrus lifted his arm off his face, though he still had that scowl.

Sans smirked as an idea came to mind. "in fact, why don't we speed this up a little, huh?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" Papyrus' deadpan response was everything Sans needed. With a smug grin, Sans snapped his phalanges. All of a sudden, the Royal Guards were doing everything in perfect sync, almost as if they're doing it to a... melody...

Oh. Sans just activated a song. A montage song, no less. Why is that just like him? Of course, some skeletons have the ability to produce song, and that power is one that the twins had, but was it really necessary right now?

Sans certainly thought it was necessary. He saluted as his speech turned to song.

"well, i got assigned to the military and it's not what i thought it'd be,

several hours of hard labor and there's no end that i can see,

so why not pass the time by singing? it'll make time go faster,

got a montage instead of hours,"

"When you're using musical powers!"

Well, that was a jumpscare and a half! Papyrus didn't expect all of the Royal Guards singing that last line... But nevertheless, perhaps this could work. Yeah. Maybe it could work out after all! The faster and more diligently Papyrus can get this done, the more opportunities he had to impress Undyne! Perhaps if he got this done quickly enough, he could come up with something that WILL convince Undyne to let him in the guard! With more energy and determination than the amount he exhibited before, Papyrus threw himself to his feet and started organising more trash. And hey, even if Sans' methods are lazy, he might as well have some fun in the song, right? Right.

"WHEN I SIGNED UP, ALL I WANTED WAS POPULARITY,

AND I'M SURE THAT I WILL GET IT, BUT FIRST I HAVE TO WORK THIS ROUTINE,

THOUGH USING THIS POWER'S LAZY, IT'LL HELP ME GET MY BEARINGS,

IN THIS LINE I'M IN OF RED SHIRTS,"

"And it shields me from most of the hurt!"

Hours felt like minutes as the Royal Guard (and the two sentries) lifted, tossed and organised every single bit of trash in the entire Waterfall dump. Come to think of it, when there's a musical number, everyone made a good team. For a while, Papyrus fit right in. However, true to fashion, the musical number became less about actually doing the job and more about letting time go by faster. Slowly, the Royal Guards did less and less work in favour of synchronised choreography. Not that anyone seemed to notice or mind. They were too busy singing, after all.

"I've never been the violent type,

So why I'm here's a mystery,

But if it'll get us a happy ending,

Then I guess we'll let it be!"

Undyne marched into the dump to check on the recruits' progress and... What. The. Fffffffish. Every single Royal Guard was dancing in some sort of cult circle, with Sans in the centre of it. For some reason, every single one of their movements are slowed down a hundred times, to the point where Undyne couldn't tell if they were even moving or not until she looked closer. Dogaressa's face in particular is stuck in what Undyne could only describe as a smear frame of reality. Her eyes looked like they were bulging out of her head as her tongue finally made contact with her teeth after five billion years (an exaggeration, but who knows how much time had passed?).

What the hell- Oh wait, they're speeding up. Why is a distorted soundtrack playing? Why is everything back to normal speed? Why does Undyne feel like... like...

"What the heck is happening?

Why aren't any of you working?

What is this music?

SKELETONS!!!"

The music abruptly stopped, and so did the weird time distortions. But that didn't matter now. What Undyne just saw and got caught up in freaked her out and it showed. Take a deep breath, Undyne... Deep breath... Don't let your fear translate into anger now.

Just be honest. "I'm going to lose it."

Sans and Papyrus stepped forward sheepishly as the other Royal Guards quickly went back to work. Of course it had to be them. Of course! Who else?!

Get a grip, Undyne! Royal Guards never falter! "What. Was. That."

"uhh... little sing-song?" Sans laughed nervously as he shrugged. Not funny.

"The f-"

"UNDYNE, IT'S OKAY!!! IT JUST MEANT WE COULD MAKE TIME GO FASTER!!!"

"Dude, what I saw was... not exactly faster." Undyne bit her lip. Whether she was suppressing rage or was genuinely scared, Papyrus couldn't tell. All he knew was, Sans definitely sabotaged him again. Of course! Sans always sabotaged him! Why does he even listen to him?

Sans could feel the glares from Undyne and Papyrus on him. Gosh darn it. How was he gonna get out of this one?

"That's it! I'm through! I've had enough!!! You two really-"

"W-WELL, IT'S MOSTLY SANS' FAULT!!!"

"hey!"

"Stop talking!!!" Undyne's yell may have caused the skeletons to recoil, but she didn't care about that. She had to find a way to get them to behave somehow! Think, Undyne, think!

Wait a minute...

Her scowl turned into a snarl as she took the brothers by the wrists and walked them away from the dump.

"whoa, uh, hey... where are we goin'?"

"ARE W-WE GOING TO THE NEXT PART OF OUR PUNISHMENT TRAINING? WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?"

"Oh, the others don't need to come for this one."

Wow. Ominous much? The brothers didn't have any choice but to listen to her, though. Two corners later, the brothers were face to face with what looked like a steep, large tower of rock. The jagged rocks stacked up high, creating what appeared to be a dark, large spike poking out of the ground. Undyne let go of the brothers' wrists and put her hands on her hips, grinning up at it proudly before she turned to the brothers.

"When I was a guppy, I used to climb this thing all the time to test my strength and guts! Now it's your turn!"

Sans paled at how high it looked. Nope nope nope no heights too high nope nope nope!

With a shaky voice, Sans mumbled. "y-you think you could conjure up any other p-punishment? i g-get bad vertigo..."

Undyne turned to Sans blankly. Then laughed. "HA! Nope! See ya!"

That smug fish. Undyne left to go deal with the insanity going on inside her brain after what just happened. Not that the brothers knew, anyhow.

Sans tensed up, his eyes dark as the impending doom crept through his entire body. How was he going to survive this? Well, at least he has his brother with him. Surely, Papyrus will be sympathetic!

Under normal circumstances, Papyrus would be more sympathetic, but at that moment, he couldn't tell what he was feeling. Bitterness towards Sans for constantly getting him into trouble. Dread that he has to climb that spike to prove his worth to Undyne. Excitement that he even has the opportunity to do that. Or maybe he's just a little upset that Undyne left before she can see his awesome skills. Either way, he's going to do this. And he's going to do this well, and Undyne will come back, watch him and be impressed. She just has to be.

--------

Okay, whose idea was it to tie the twins together? Oh, right, it was Papyrus'. So if one falls, the other will catch him! That was the idea! But that idea in reality turned out to be "Papyrus climbs and drags Sans after him". Sans was more of a liability in his quest to be a Royal Guard, Papyrus realised. When he was too frozen to climb any further, Papyrus had to tug on the rope just to force him to climb the next rock. And when he wasn't frozen, he tried taking his "shortcuts" to either get them higher or lower, which more often than not, ended up with Papyrus smacking his face in the jagged rocks.

"OW!!! SANS, STOP THAT!!!"

"hey, i-i-i was just tryna- hhh hhh hhh-"

"OH, DON'T DO THAT! WE'RE FINE!!! HEY, UNDYNE!!!" Papyrus screeched at the top of his nonexistent lungs and waved an arm around. "UNDYNE!!! LOOK OVER HERE!!!"

Sans gasped as soon as he noticed Papyrus' other hand was slipping off the rock. So he did the only thing he could do in his fear-addled mind. He teleported them to a safer ledge. It was only slightly below where they were, as well as a bit to the side, but it was stable. Unfortunately for Papyrus, that just meant he smacked his head against the rock again.

"OOF!!! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!"

"you were about to fall. you're welcome."

Papyrus huffed in irritation. It was clear that he couldn't get Undyne's attention from here. What a waste. He turned around and started climbing the same rock for the twenty-fourth time. Face to face with impending doom, Sans froze up again, which meant Papyrus had to yank Sans up again. His brother was driving him crazy.

"COULD YOU BE ANY LESS HELPFUL?!"

"c-c'mon, bro, you know i have a height problem."

"WELL, COULD YOU NOT HAVE A HEIGHT PROBLEM?! THE SOONER WE GET THIS DONE, THE SOONER WE CAN-" Papyrus gripped a rock that crumbled under his fist, but before he could fall, Sans gasped and shortcutted them slightly higher. Guess what happened?

Yup! They both banged their heads on the rock.

"Ow!"

"HEY!!!"

"dude, concentrate."

"I AM!!! COULD YOU JUST STOP THAT, PLEASE?!?!"

Sans made some attempt to climb, but one glance at the ground below threw him off balance. Papyrus grabbed at the rope wrapped around their spines and yanked Sans back on. He didn't have time for this. He needed to make this right. For Undyne.

Meanwhile, the smaller twin swallowed his ever growing panic in favour of everyone's favourite motivator: spite! "stop what? saving your life? oh, sorry for helping then, bro. i'll just go limp right here, shall i?"

"YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!"

"help, don't help, which is it?"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOU'RE NOT BEING HELPFUL AT ALL!!! IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU WE HAVE TO ENDURE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! THAT STUPID, STUPID GLITTER PRANK IS WHAT GOT US HERE, AND THEN OF COURSE, YOU HAVE TO KEEP DISTRACTING ME AND MAKING UNDYNE ANGRY WITH YOUR ATTEMPTS TO GET OUT OF THE SITUATION YOU INFLICTED ON ALL OF US!!! IT'S LIKE YOU JUST WANT TO MESS AROUND AND DODGE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS, AND WHEN YOU CAN'T, YOU FIND NEW WAYS TO MESS AROUND ANYWAY!!! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, SANS!!!"

Sans' fear had made way for anger to take hold. He was not an angry person, much less angry when it comes to Papyrus, but something about this day, something about this entire situation and his fear and everything in general had just really pushed Sans over the edge. Not literally, of course, he gripped onto the rock as much as possible with his tiny hands, but in terms of his temper? Yeah, he was at the end of his rope. No pun intended this time.

"don't talk like i'm the only thing hindering you. i know you wanna impress undyne, and i've been trying to support you the best way i know how. but come on, don't you know you keep messing things up for yourself too? you're letting your insecurities get the better of you. i didn't tell you to lift that weight, you tried doing it on your own. and from the way you were acting, it's almost as if undyne hasn't even given you proper training before? have you only been doing cooking lessons with her?"

That question... Now it was Papyrus' turn to freeze. All his anger sapped out of him as it was replaced with... sadness? Disappointment? Whatever it was, it made tears come to Papyrus' eye sockets. He looked up. Slightly to the right, there was an incredibly stable ledge, large enough to fit two skeletons. So, gripping the rope that tied the brothers together, he climbed to that ledge and helped Sans sit on it, before sitting down himself. In the solemn silence, he could only tell now how much this was weighing on the both of them.

Sans scooted back against the rock as far as he could, not wanting to look down. He already started to feel a bit dizzy. --Wait. Wait! He had to-

"retch-!" Magic liquid spewed out of Sans' mouth. Papyrus patted his back as the smaller skeleton vomited. Maybe he should've been more sympathetic to his vertigo.--

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

He coughed twice. "yeah..."

"GOOD." The taller skeleton's voice lacked all the energy he usually had. Unusual and quite frightening for an uppercaser. Staring down into his lap, the younger twin absentmindedly kicked his legs slowly as he thought. Was this what proper training was like? If so, why couldn't he handle it? Was he just not tough enough? Was he doing it for the wrong reasons? All he wanted to do was make Undyne proud, but so far, it seemed like that was impossible. And Sans wasn't... much help.

...

But he had to admit: it wasn't for lack of trying. As he thought back to the day's earlier events, and everything that Sans did... It did get them in more trouble, yes. But Sans wasn't just doing it to mess around and escape the consequences (though that was part of it). He was just trying to help in the best way he knew how. When he was anxious during the first lecture, Sans make jokes to cheer him up. He tried to warn Papyrus about the weight, and tried to help when the dogs kept stealing his bones. And the musical number was just another way to cheer him up and distract him for a while. There were other motives, but... He couldn't deny that he did at least try to help, even if that help was subpar.

Sans stared up at the ceiling of the caverns, wishing there were more glowing rocks for him to look at. Maybe he could even pretend they're stars. As he stared upwards, however, he couldn't help but let his thoughts drift back to what Papyrus said. All he could think was... He was right. For most of the day, when it didn't have to do with Papyrus, Sans treated his training like a game. And he always thought of his sentry work as a game. He always had a bit of a hard time taking things seriously when it mattered. And right now, it DID matter. Of course he had to try and dodge the consequences. He's an immature jerk like that. Why did he have to make everything worse? He knew how important this was for Papyrus! How can he make this right?

Papyrus was the first one to speak. "SANS..."

"hm?"

"DO YOU THINK... UNDYNE ACTUALLY WANTS ME IN THE ROYAL GUARD?"

Sans held his breath. What can he tell him?

"BECAUSE I NOTICED... TODAY FELT LIKE ACTUAL, PROPER TRAINING. NOT JUST COOKING, BUT ACTUAL TRAINING. AND... I'VE NEVER HEARD ANY OF THE DOGS MENTION COOKING LESSONS IN THEIR TRAINING. AT ALL. MAYBE... MAYBE THE RULES CHANGED, BUT I STILL WANT TO KNOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK UNDYNE ACTUALLY THINKS OF ME? AM I NOT CUT OUT TO BE IN THE ROYAL GUARD?"

Oh god no. Sans, think. What to say to him? He could tell him the truth? Lie? What would be better? Flashes of his own conversation with Undyne entered his mind as he tried to come up with a good response.

"ajfjfjeklsgjjgrklssl."

"...WHAT."

What was that?! Sans, you idiot! Do better! What could he do?! What could he say? Is it best to say it right now? Later? How do these things work?!

"uhhhjjpkkph."

"IS IT THE VERTIGO??? DO YOU NEED SOME HEALING MAGIC, SANS?"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-

"uh, nope. i'm. i'm good. urgh."

Papyrus squinted his eye sockets. "IF YOU SAY SO. IF YOU DON'T KNOW, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD ASK HER?"

Oh thank god. "uh, yeah. sounds like a talk you need to have with undyne, honestly. i dunno how much help i would be, considering... everything that's happened today."

Papyrus sighed. "YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. I'M SORRY."

"i'm sorry too. i guess i was just trying to escape it. i'm not cut out for the guard like you are. i just thought... eh, might as well have some fun with it, you know?"

"YEAH... I KNOW..."

Sans' eyelights drifted over to Papyrus. That worn out, anxious expression is one he'd never want to see.

"hey." Papyrus looked at Sans. "listen, when you talk to undyne, i'll be right there with ya, ok? trust me."

Papyrus smiled at Sans. "PROMISE?"

...why.

It was then that the smaller brother made a show about it. Papyrus knows he hates making promises, why did he ask that? Of course, he's going to promise him anyway, but that's besides the point! Sans threw his head back and groaned like he's been bedridden for the last two days and hasn't had his medicine yet.

"uUuGh, whyyyyyyy..."

Papyrus, bless his soul, tried to keep in his giggles at Sans' show. "COME ON, YOU WOULD DO IT FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS, RIGHT?"

"uuuuuuuuuuUUURgh... fine, i promise..."

"YES!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!"

Sans immediately dropped the histrionics. Gosh darn it, he loves his brother. However, he found that his eyelights kept drifting upwards towards the peak of the rock. They were... so close... and they couldn't come back down until they reached the top. Sure, Undyne wasn't around, so for all intents and purposes, they COULD climb back down now and she would be none the wiser. But that would just be another way to get out of it. Another shortcut. Shortcuts that Sans and Papyrus were, quite frankly, done with.

Sans knew that to make his next move, he had to go higher. But whatever. He had to prove that he learned his lesson.

"papyrus..." Sans narrowed his eye sockets with determination. "stay behind me."

Papyrus cocked a bone brow in confusion as Sans started climbing??? What alternate reality did he just land in-

"OUGH-!" He forgot about the rope. The tug of Sans pulling him up was enough to kickstart Papyrus' coccyx as well. He followed closely behind Sans, watching in awe as his normally lackadaisical brother climbed like no one's business! They hopped from rock to rock, their added concentration enabling them to find safer edges to grip onto, until finally, they got to the top.

Papyrus' eye sockets drifted from left to right, making sure they got every single detail imaginable. The black obsidian spikes peeking out of the grey, formidable rock, welcoming them with a star-like twinkle. Must've been the very few glowing rocks on the ceiling. The underground is truly quite a magical place. Looking over the edge, Papyrus could make out the garbage dump that neighbours the snail farm and Undyne's house. The entrance to Ghost City was about a few feet up from the river: a solid wall covered in ectoplasm that reflected light from the still waters. The whole area was surrounded by blue grass, home of several naturally-growing echo flowers, rivers and most importantly, waterfalls. One would wonder why this area of the underground was dubbed "Waterfall" if they had absolutely no senses, including common sense.

--Meanwhile, Sans threw up over the obsidian, before he collapsed on the space in the middle where no spikes were present. The sound of his retching made Papyrus jump.--

"SANS!!! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!"

"y-yeah..." Sans rasped out, trying to catch his breath. He gave Papyrus a shaky thumbs up. "i... i did it... no shortcuts... hhh..."

Papyrus sighed in relief. Thank goodness. Though there was the matter of getting down...

Welp. He supposed some shortcuts were necessary.

--------

"you got this, bro. you're the great papyrus, remember? you can handle anything. i believe in you."

Throughout the short walk back, Papyrus was peppered with those little comments. On one hand, he knew them to be completely true. On the other hand, it was nice to have reminders. Sans kept them up the whole way while holding his hand. It was comforting. Made Papyrus remember why he convinced Sans to be a sentry alongside him in the first place.

Once they got back to Undyne's house, Papyrus spotted the guards sparring against each other. Why couldn't he have done that?! That wasn't fair! Oh, right, he and Sans were causing trouble. Funny how everything went smoothly as soon as they left...

...Wait, no! Don't think about that! Undyne, Undyne, talk to Undyne!

"do you wanna talk to her on your own?" Sans loosened his grip on Papyrus' hand, but didn't let go just yet. For a moment, Papyrus panicked. But at the same time...

"I... I NEED TO DO THIS ON MY OWN, I THINK. YOU NEED TO GET BACK TO YOUR PUNISHMENT TRAINING."

Sans let out an exaggerated groan that made them both laugh a little. "heh, alright, i guess i do. just remember, you got this, ok? i'll be right over there if you need me." Sans pointed to the abandoned gym equipment. Was Sans actually gonna try those now? That would be quite funny, actually. Imagine Sans lifting weights, it was practically unheard of!

"ALRIGHT, BROTHER! BUT DON'T USE ANY SHORTCUTS!!!"

"i won't." Fist bump! The gym equipment were nearby anyway. Papyrus knew Sans will be there for him when he needs it. And that knowledge filled Papyrus with courage.

Ok. The Great Papyrus can do this.

He walked up to Undyne and tapped her shoulder, steeling his resolve. He had to steel himself even more when Undyne turned towards him... and grinned?

"Oh, hey, Papyrus! How was the spike? Pretty awesome view, right?!" She seemed happy to see him. That's amazing! But then she took a closer look at him and frowned, and that was not as amazing. "Jeebus, what happened to your face?"

Papyrus' eye sockets widened. How could he have forgotten?! There are several bruises on his face from when Sans' weird shortcuts slammed his face into the mountain! And considering how many times that happened, there was no way he looked completely unscathed. Oh no, now Undyne looked worried. What is the cool skeleton to do?!

"O-OH, UM... NOT TO WORRY!!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS A SLIGHTLY CLUMSY SPECIES!!!" Papyrus posed proudly, hoping Undyne would buy that. Luckily for him, she did.

"Fuhuhu! Well, alright. Do you need some healing magic? I got plenty!"

"OH, THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE APPRECIATED! THANK YOU!"

Undyne grinned as she summoned a green spear and just... stabbed Papyrus in the face with it. It worked, okay? There's nothing more healing to a soul than being stabbed in the face by a green spear. Several times. In a row. Getting faster and faster. Stabbing every last bruise until they disappeared. Yes, this is a very normal thing to do.

Stabby McStabfish finally stopped stabbing her soon-to-be best friend and admired her work as her spear disappeared. "All done!"

"THANKS!!!" Said the unfazed weirdo of a skeleton. He felt more handsome than ever now after being stabbed several times in the face! He even turned to show off to Sans, who was busy trying to figure out how the pulley rope thing worked, like, 'LOOK AT ME! I'M SUPER HANDSOME!' Sans just gave him a thumbs up before the rope he was pulling flicked itself between his eye sockets. Sans keeled over in pain.

But now it was back to business. Papyrus' smile dropped a little as he hesitated. "UM... UNDYNE..."

"Yeah?"

"I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING."

"Yeeah?"

"I-IT'S VERY, UM, IMPORTANT TO ME..."

"Yeeeah?"

"AND I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU-"

"Papyrus, you can tell me anything!"

"ANYTHING?"

"Anything!"

"R-RIGHT..."

Tell her.

"SO..."

...Tell her.

"YOU'RE A GREAT CAPTAIN, AND THIS IS ALL GREAT, BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK... THIS WAS... UM... WELL, THIS WAS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED."

Undyne grit her teeth, trying not to let her impatience show. If one more thing involving these skeletons happens... "Papyrus, you can. Tell me. Anything! You don't. Have to beat around the bush. Just. Tell me!"

Yes, Papyrus. Tell her, Papyrus. Brain think the words, mouth say the words, Papyrus. It's that simple, Papyrus! Say what you want to say, Papyrus!

"A. A. A. A. A."

"...A?"

"A."

...

...

...

Undyne sighed. Why does she do these things to herself? "Let's. Take. A walk."

Wait, she walked away?! Wait! "W-WAIT!!!" She can't walk away! Not away from him! Not away from Sans! Unless she's taking him to a more private area? But... But Papyrus needed...

Under emotional circumstances, monsters that can trigger musical numbers AKA skeletons and ghosts can accidentally trigger a song that aids emotional honesty. They can't always control it, and Papyrus certainly didn't mean to trigger one, but the stress and confusion and hesitation triggered one regardless. So that's great. Now they're singing.

"I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING!"

"Stop beating around the bush, Papyrus!"

"I'M NOT TRYING TO AVOID IT, I'M JUST CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT I'VE BEEN LEFT WITH!

I THOUGHT THIS WAS ABOUT GLORY AND MAKING MONSTER DREAMS COME TRUE!"

"Well, this is the reality, Papyrus, stop letting your fantasies get to you!"

Papyrus gripped tightly onto Undyne's arm. The two of them have stopped in their tracks. Take a deep breath, Undyne... Deep breath.

"Explain..."

"WELL, AS I WAS SAYING..."

"Explain..."

"MY B-BROTHER AND I WERE SAYING..."

"No! Explain why you triggered a musical number!"

"IT'S AN HONEST MISTAKE!"

"Oh, I wonder!"

The frustrated fish yanked her arm out of Papyrus' grip and started pacing back and forth, from where she stood to Sans, who was struggling to pull a light weight, and back. Papyrus briskly followed her.

"Why can't you tell me why you're upset?

You wanted this, right?"

"OF COURSE!"

"I bet!

You don't wanna let me down, right?"

How did she know?! Papyrus didn't have time to stew over it, though. The song was still going strong. Not that he wanted to stew over it anyway. The Great Papyrus wasn't like that!

"NO!"

"So tell me why you're downright glum!"

"THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE MISTAKEN, I'M NOT GLUM!"

Undyne and Papyrus were close enough for Sans to pipe in.

"chum,"

"SANS, STAY OUT OF THIS!"

"you're number one..."

Undyne sighed and guided Papyrus away from Sans with a hand on his shoulder. Stay calm.

"Look, no matter what, Papyrus,

You gotta remember why you're doing this,

For everyone else!"

"I GET IT..."

"Good!

And I'll look out for you just like I should,

If it's getting too much, just tell me, okay?"

Papyrus smiled as Undyne gave him a side hug.

"THANK YOU, UNDYNE!"

"Now put the soundtrack away."

Sure enough, the music stopped as soon as Undyne said that. Wow... She really was cool. Not as cool as Papyrus, of course, but still very much up there!

"SO... DOING WHAT, EXACTLY?"

"Well..." Undyne sighed. "Follow me."

The Great Papyrus allowed the key to his future to guide him somewhere. Further from Sans, but neither brother really acknowledged that. Papyrus couldn't let himself falter. He NEEDED this conversation to go well. Everything practically depended on it, or at least, that's what it felt like.

She took him to a bench that enabled them to oversee the guards sparring against each other. All their techniques and tricks... They're so experienced. Papyrus could learn a lot from these guys. He watched them from a distance, sitting next to Undyne on the bench.

Near the back, it seemed like RG02 had managed to convince Sans to practice his own attacks. He couldn't help but smile as his twin proudly presented a blaster the size of his head to the dragon... and then accidentally set it off, blasting the poor guy directly in the face. Maybe in some circumstances, Sans keeping his ATK at 1 was for the best. The blast seemed to barely do any damage to the guy. He had to admit, it was quite funny watching Sans fumble around with his blaster, trying to get it to stop blasting randomly.

He heard a laugh from next to him.

"Fuhuhuhuhu! You know..." The fish guzzled down the remaining water in her flask before setting it down. "Your brother is annoying, but I think he has potential."

"YOU THINK SO?"

"Yeah. With a bit of practice, he could be a formidable foe. If a very irritating one."

Papyrus lit up. "THAT'S WHAT I THINK ALL THE TIME!!!"

Laughter from Undyne! That's a good sign!

"You do too, you know."

As if Papyrus' eye sockets weren't sparkling enough! "YOU THINK SO?!?!"

"Hell yeah!!! You're an amazing fighter, Papyrus! A natural, even!"

"OH, GOOD!" A sigh of relief. "FOR A MOMENT I THOUGHT..." He hesitated.

Undyne bit her lip in anticipation. "Yeah?"

Spill it. "WELL... LET ME SHARE WITH YOU SOME COMPLEX FEELINGS. FEELINGS LIKE... SOMETHING NOT LIVING UP TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS. OR THE FEELING OF NOT BEING ABLE TO LIVE UP TO SOMEONE ELSE'S EXPECTATIONS. THINKING THAT THEY THINK OF YOU AS WEAK OR... NOT CUT OUT FOR WHAT YOU SO DESPERATELY WANT TO DO."

Oh dear. Keep it cool, Undyne, keep it cool. If Papyrus catches onto her, she's fried fish! Please don't say it.

"UNDYNE..." Papyrus turned to Undyne, thankfully not picking up on her tense expression and body language. "DO YOU THINK I'M TOO WEAK FOR THIS?"

Oh thank GOD. The tension subsided almost immediately as Undyne gave her answer.

"Are you kidding? You're one of the toughest people I've ever met!" That was true. She's seen Papyrus' potential. "Heck, you definitely have more potential than your brother. At least you actually give a damn!"

The trainee's insecurities, every single one that had been building up over the course of the day, dissipated. She sounded so sincere, so enthusiastic! That means she must be telling the truth!

"EVEN THOUGH MY BROTHER AND I KEEP STARTING TROUBLE?"

"Well, yeah, you two do have a knack for trouble." Undyne laughed. "And sometimes, it drives me nuts. But hey! It doesn't mean I think of you any less for it! As long as you maintain that passion and drive, I see a lot of good things coming for you, Papyrus!"

A boyish squeal erupted out of the goofy skeleton. He had a chance!!! Today didn't ruin anything for him!!! He can still be a Royal Guard!!! At least, that's what he's 101% certain Undyne meant. What other good things could she have possibly meant?

"SO, WHEN CAN WE DO TRAINING LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME? NOT JUST AS A PUNISHMENT, I MEAN."

Undyne tried not to hiss as she inhaled sharply. She bit her lip again and drummed her fingers on her lap. Seemed like a nervous tic. "Uhh... When you mastered cooking, of course!"

"OH, YEAH!!! THE COOKING!!! UM... THAT'S ALSO WHAT I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU. HAVE THE DOGS TAKEN COOKING CLASSES OR...?"

Oh god oh god oh god. "Uh, no... Because they've, uh, entered the Royal Guard quite some time ago! The cooking lesson thing is, um, new. A new form of training, for, um... emergencies. Like if something really bad happened and there's a famine, you know! That's just one example! It's just a new thing we put into place recently... Yeah..."

That was the best lie she could come up with. And Papyrus being Papyrus, he bought it, hook, line and sinker.

"OH, WOWIE!!! SO IN THE END, THAT MEANS I'LL BE THE MOST READY AND PREPARED ROYAL GUARD IN THE HISTORY OF MONSTERKIND!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!! RIGHT?"

"...Right."

Papyrus threw his arms in the air. "RIGHT!!!"

This guy... When will he stop making her laugh? "Alright, rookie. Let's get you back to the others. If you want, you can spar with me!"

"HECK NYEH!!! LEAD THE WAY, UNDYNE!!!"

And with that, Undyne and Papyrus took off running, back to what has become less of a punishment and more of an actual training session.

Chapter Text

It's time. The moment Papyrus has been waiting for ever since he first heard about Undyne. Standing just outside Undyne's house, his shining armour reflecting in the dim lights of Waterfall, staring through the window, watching all the other Royal Guards talk and gather around for the celebration. The celebration of Papyrus.

This is it.

He made it.

Papyrus walked in and immediately, all eyes were on him. The banner up above, clearly spelling out, "Welcome to the Royal Guard, Papyrus!" made it all too real. He's a Royal Guard, through and through.

"HELLO, ESTEEMED ROYAL GUARDS!!! IT IS I, PAPYRUS, YOUR NEWEST AND COOLEST MEMBER!!! I PROMISE TO MAKE ALL OF YOU PROUD!!!"

A round of applause. Cheers. Screams. This is where he belongs.

Undyne piped up. "Hell yeah!!! You're the coolest Royal Guard ever, Papyrus! You're gonna be so popular!!!"

Doggo timidly shuffled up with a picture of Papyrus. "P-Papyrus... Would you... G-Give me your autograph?"

"WHY OF COURSE, MY CANINE COMPANION!!!" Taking the pen, Papyrus signed the picture with vigor. What a handsome picture! "NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!!!" The newly-knighted skeleton strutted to the front door. As soon as he opened it, an entire wave of monsters flowed in. The lights were flashing colours, everyone clamoured around to lift Papyrus up, he crowd surfed the whole way, he saw Sans in the distance giving him a thumbs up (he hasn't changed a bit), and everyone chanted his name over and over and over and over and over like "Pa-py-rus! Pa-py-rus! Pa-py-rus!"

He finally has everything he wanted! Respect! Recognition! Lots and lots of friends! No longer shall he be ignored! No longer shall he be overlooked! The Great Papyrus is finally in the spotlight, and in the spotlight he'll stay-

Papyrus opened his eyes to find himself face to face with a web page that consisted of nothing but pictures upon pictures of Royal Guard armour. Struck by the realisation that he had been staring at the computer fantasising for... TEN MINUTES??? He quickly clicked on the tab that had the Royal Guard chatroom on it. They had clearly moved on from the last topic of conversation Papyrus remembered being engaged in (puzzle policies, of course), and had moved on to a debate on what's better to chase: cats or mailmen?

The lanky skeleton sighed. He'll make that fantasy a reality someday.

Ping! Oh, what's this? A message for The Great Papyrus??? Who could it be- Oh, it was just Sans. Weird. Sans doesn't go on the internet much. He's much more likely to sit outside in the woods and read than engage with anything going on with the internet besides memes and doing stuff on Papyrus' profile. It must be important if Sans is sending him messages on the internet of all places.

Click-click!

can we get a pet?

Papyrus heaved a heavy sigh before he responded.

NO, IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.

He barely had time to read through the Royal Guards' messages before the tiny pitter-patter of skeletal feet approached his room.

BANG! The door flew open, revealing Papyrus' gremlin of a brother, who was armed with several pictures of various animals that he had printed out. Ah, so that's why he was on the internet.

"hey, bro, check these out." Sans excitedly shoved the pictures in Papyrus' face, prompting the taller skeleton to flail as he tried to get him off.

"WH- HEY!!! SANS, CUT IT OUT!!! I CAN'T SEE THEM!!!"

"whoops, sorry." He relented a little, but not enough to give up, much to Papyrus' chagrin. "anyway, do you know how intelligent birds are? they're so smart and cute, and some even copy you-"

"WE ARE NOT GETTING A BIRD FOR A PET!!!"

"alright, then did you know cats do this thing where..."

Oh, jeez, this was not going to stop, was it? How long was Sans going to stand there and talk at him about pets for? Now Papyrus had two conversations to keep up with, and he only wants to keep up with one of them! And as great as Sans is, Papyrus just didn't want to talk to him right now.

Oh, and he moved onto rats. Great.

"i think rats could make really good pets. they're super cuddly and cute and social, and they don't need THAT much, really. i think i'd be a good rat owner, wouldn't you say?"

Papyrus so badly wanted to call Sans a rat, but he bit his metaphorical tongue. Instead, he said, "I BET YOU WOULD, BUT NOT NOW!"

"aw, c'mon. we don't have to get a bunch of rats. only two."

"TWO???"

"or three."

"THREE?!?!"

"well, it's not like we can only get one. rats need a buddy, bro. just like you. maybe you could relate to 'em."

"I DO NOT WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH A RAT!"

"ok. so, can we-"

"NO."

Oh, Papyrus, Papyrus, Papyrus... Sans wasn't going to just accept a simple "no." He really should've known better.

--------

The rest of the day and the next continued like this: every time Papyrus tried to get something done, Sans was always there somehow, begging for a pet. And not a pet on the head (even though Papyrus would've been more than happy to give Sans head pats if he asked). He could never escape his brother! It was especially occurring when he attempted to do CHORES. For example...

Doing the laundry? Well, have your brother pop up from the laundry basket!

"can we get a pet?"

Cooking spaghetti? Open the fridge and spot your brother inside somehow!

"can we get a pet?"

Cleaning the window? Oh, would you like your brother to fly into it upside down like a fly smacking into a windshield in the movies?

"can we get a pet?"

And every single time, the answer was...

"NO! NO!! NO!!!"

But even then, Sans wouldn't be deterred. Papyrus had no idea where this sudden bout of stubbornness came from! It's not like it was a family trait or anything!

The next day wasn't much better. The day started with Sans giving Papyrus a ForceSlide presentation about pets and how they're good for mental wellbeing and the science behind pets and blah blah blah he was just done at this point. He even taped all those pictures he printed out everywhere so Papyrus could never escape the constant pleading and begging.

It was only when the brothers started walking to work when it finally came to a head.

"c'mon, bro. i'll take care of it. i'll pay for it myself."

"YOU ALREADY PAY THE BILLS, SANS."

"i know, but i can afford it, i promise."

Papyrus groaned. "WHY DO YOU EVEN KEEP ASKING ME? WE'RE THE SAME AGE!!! I'M NOT IN CHARGE OF YOU!"

"i know. it's just..." Sans sighed. "i know how you are about changes, bro. even with something like a pet. so that's why i keep asking."

Papyrus' annoyance faded a little. "OH, THAT'S ACTUALLY QUITE THOUGHTFUL OF YOU."

"yeah, i know." Sans stared directly into Papyrus' eye sockets. "so can we get a pet?"

"UGH!!!" Anyone else! Papyrus would literally spend time with ANYONE ELSE! He can't do this! He can't take this! If Sans brought up another fact about another stupid animal, Papyrus would become Papzilla and tear down Snowdin in a fit of pure animalistic rage. Please, let him hang out with someone... Anyone... Anyone other than Sans...

"hear me out. if we got a rabbit, i could get a top hat and become a stage magician for my next comedy show."

"SANS, JUST KNOW THAT IF YOU BRING UP ANIMALS AGAIN, I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS."

"ok." A pause. "so how about a crow?"

Papyrus bit into his scarf and screeched in a fit of frustration. Did Sans care? NOPE! Please, Delta, have mercy on this poor skeleton's soul. Fine. If that's how it's gonna be, maybe agreeing would make him stop.

"FINE!!! GET A PET IF YOU WANT, JUST AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T MAKE A MESS AND I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR IT!!!"

Sans' face lit up as he victoriously pumped his fist. "yesssssss."

Papyrus groan-sighed in a mix of relief and defeat. It didn't matter anyway. There's only one thing Papyrus wanted right now, and that's anyone else to hang out with besides his brother.

"I LOVE YOU, SANS."

"i love you too-"

"BUT YOU'RE ANNOYING."

Sans winked, frustratingly unfazed. "yeah, i know. i'm a master at it. though that does mean i'll get a pet, so it works."

"I RETRACT MY EARLIER DECLARATION OF LOVE."

"aw, c'mon, don't be like that, bro."

"I MEAN IT!!! I JUST... WANT TO HANG OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!! ANYONE ELSE!!!"

"yeah, i get it. you'll find someone, i'm sure. but, for now..."

By some miracle, Papyrus' auditory meatuses picked up something nearby. Sounded like... Ice skating, hockey sticks clinking together... and people. People! More people! It really was a miracle!

He turned to the right to see a group of people skating around one of the bigger ice lakes. And not just any group of people. They were... They were...

"THE ROYAL GUARD?!?!" Papyrus' eye sockets twinkled with delight as he ran over to watch them, not even checking to see if Sans was behind him. Finally, freedom from constant animal facts! Now it was just him and the Royal Guard! And even Undyne was there??? Even better!!!

Papyrus kept running and running, trying to get as close to the action as possible. But it turned out he was getting a little too close, because he failed to register when the snowy ground he was running on quickly turned into a slippery ice lake. And that error is what caused him to slip. Literally.

"WHOAAAAA!!!!"

If Papyrus only slipped and fell over on his own, then it would've been fine, but instead, he slipped and slid directly into Dogaressa, who tumbled into Doggo, who flew into Lesser Dog, and so on and so forth, until the end result was a literal dogpile with a clumsy skeleton tangled in the midst of it.

Talk about crashing the party!

Judging by the dogs' whimpers and groans, no one was happy with this. No one except Sans and Undyne, who not only avoided the dog-tastrophe, but were thoroughly amused by it. Sans wisely kept his amusement to himself, while Undyne laughed like she was auditioning for the role of Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz.

"Fuhuhuhuhuhu! Well, look what the dogs dragged home!"

Doggo groaned. "But we didn't drag anything home..."

One by one, the hero of the underground helped everyone up, saving the best skeleton for last, of course. As soon as she hoisted Papyrus up, Undyne gave him a "gentle" dusting on the head that felt more like a noogie... Because it was a noogie.

"How's my favorite bonehead?"

"AAAAAAA NOOOOO NOT THE NOOGIES!!! SANS, HELP!!!"

He couldn't! Sans was too busy laughing at the ordeal. How useless can he be?! It didn't matter, anyway, because it only took a couple of seconds for Undyne to push him away.

She then had the gall to laugh at the poor skeleton's resulting dizziness! The nerve! "Hey, Papyrus, do you come to this side of Snowdin often? This is where we play a couple of games on our off-days."

Papyrus, bless his soul, shook his head to get rid of the dizziness, only to make it worse. "OFF-DAYS?" He tried again, but his inexplicable googly eyes popped out of his skull and spun instead. "BUT ROYAL GUARDS DON'T HAVE OFF-DAYS..."

"Huh. Yeah, you're right." With a massive shark grin, Undyne shook Papyrus until his dizziness somehow stopped. "But even Royal Guards need to have fun! And there's not much to do down here, so we play ice hockey on the frozen lake."

"OH, WOWIE!!! HOW OFTEN DO YOU DO THAT, EXACTLY? I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS PLAY ICE HOCKEY OVER HERE."

Dogaressa hummed in thought. "(I think the last time we played ice hockey was a few months back.)"

Dogamy nodded in agreement. "Yeah, must've been before you and Sans moved in."

"FIVE MONTHS AGO?" The dogs nodded as Papyrus' jaw dropped in bewilderment. "WOWIE... YOU MUST HAVE MISSED IT, THEN!"

"(Oh, we did. Though last time, most of Snowdin was here watching us. I don't blame them, honestly. It wasn't like they had anything else to do. They're not here this time, though.)"

Sans chuckled as he leaned against a nearby tree. "heh. maybe they found another source of entertainment." With lightless eyes, he slowly turned his head towards the bushes. Two teenagers who were watching him and Papyrus from the bushes immediately backed away. Satisfied with the scare, Sans blinked and his eyelights came back on, happy to observe the rest of the scene.

Meanwhile, a happy Papy suddenly remembered something involving Undyne. The last time she was involved in a competitive game, she was kind of... Well... Violent. Violently competitive. And while Papyrus adored a competitive spirit (he would say he had one, himself), part of him was worried that Undyne had or would hurt the dogs in some way. Though maybe the lack of a polar bear costume would help her a bit, since now she could actually see what's happening!

"HEY, UNDYNE? HOW COMPETITIVE WOULD YOU SAY YOU ARE ON THE RINK?"

Undyne's eyes widened when she realised what that meant. "O-Oh, um... Fuhuhu, don't worry about it, Papyrus." She patted his shoulder strongly as she grinned. "I've definitely learned my lesson from the Snowathon. Here, let me show you! Guards, in formation!"

Like clockwork, the dogs got into their proper positions and a little demo-game had begun. Swiftly and carefully, Undyne captured the puck and glided over the ice, scoring a goal without knocking over a single other player. So, Papyrus was right! The lack of polar bear did help her vision a lot! Seeing Undyne score a goal with such careful intensity... It only excited the Royal Guard wannabe even more.

"OH MY GOSH!!! UNDYNE, THAT WAS AMAZING!!!" He bounced up and down on the ice, because jumping on ice will definitely end well. "CAN I JOIN YOU, PLEASE? I MUST PLAY-" Whoopsy doopsy! Suppose jumping on the ice DIDN'T end well. Who would've guessed. Luckily, Undyne grabbed Papyrus' arm before his back collided with the hard ground.

"You okay?"

Papyrus hoisted himself up. "OKAY?! I'M GREAT!!! I'M EXHILARATED!!! OH, PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME PLAY WITH YOU!!! I PROMISE, I'M AN AMAZING SKATER, A WONDERFUL ASSET, AND I HAVE AN INTENSELY COMPETITIVE SPIRIT!!!"

Undyne laughed at Papyrus' energy. Man, this guy's a blast!!! She supposed cooking lessons weren't the only thing he brought his enthusiasm to! "Yeah, why not? It would be great to have you on board!"

Papyrus was ready to squeal right there, but then he realised! He had to be cool! Stay cool, he's cool, he's a very cool skeleton! Stomping on the ice is considered cool, right? Yes! This was cool. He is certain he looks like the coolest skeleton in the world right now, and not like a nerd who was just invited in with the coolest group in all of existence. He couldn't believe Undyne would be so accepting! Except he could, because she's amazing like that.

The dogs, on the other hand, were not as accepting. In fact, one could call them a lot more wary. Doggo in particular felt the need to protest about this.

"Um, Undyne? Are you sure he can join? I mean, it's not like he's a Royal Guard yet."

When Undyne was about to retort, Sans jumped in. "hey, don't be like that. didn't we have to do that punishment training with you three days ago?"

The masked dog snarled. "That was-"

"Enough!" Undyne snapped back, making Doggo recoil. She knew better than to treat her fellow guardsmen like this. So instead of a tirade, Undyne took a deep breath and continued calmly. "It doesn't matter whether you're a Royal Guard or not..." She glanced at Papyrus with a... more protective look in her eye, before she turned back to the dogs. "Ice hockey is for everyone." Her toothy grin returned as she tilted her head towards Papyrus. "There's spare hockey sticks by that tree over there, pick one and meet me on the rink! You can join my team!"

"YOUR TEAM?!" Papyrus finally let out that squeal. "I'M JOINING THE ROYAL GUARD!!! I'M JOINING THE ROYAL GUARD!!! SANS, LOOK!!! I'M JOINING THE ROYAL GUARD FOR ICE HOCKEY, AREN'T YOU PROUD OF ME?!?!"

Sans gave Papyrus a thumbs up. But that wasn't enough in Papyrus' (lack of) eyes.

"DON'T YOU WANT TO JOIN?"

Sans snickered. "nah, you said you wanted to hang out with anyone else besides me, right? now's your chance."

Oh, boy. A sting settled in Papyrus' chest. "ARE YOU SURE?"

"bro." Sans gestured vehemently. "go ahead. i'll be right here if you need me, alright? go hang out with the royal guard. they're your future, remember?"

"I SUPPOSE YOU ARE RIGHT, BROTHER..." With an exhale, Papyrus absolved any sense of guilt he had. "VERY WELL!! I'LL BE ON THE RINK, BEING SUPER COOL AND HANDSOME!!!"

"neat. good luck."

With a sure nod, Papyrus skated off without ice skates. Surely he could play ice hockey without ice skates, right?

Meanwhile, the guard dogs tentatively followed Undyne to one of the goals. Her usual toothy grin had vanished, replaced with a worried frown, and dogs are naturally very in tune with other monsters' emotions. So, being the loyal support animals they are, they wanted to see if Undyne was okay... Or if she was hiding something.

"Undyne?" Dogamy started, but that was all he could get out.

"Look, I don't want you or anyone to upset Papyrus by excluding him, okay?" Her voice was oddly subdued. Dogamy hated it. "That's the last thing we want. The last thing I want. Just... don't upset him." And with that, she skated off.

Well, that wasn't any less worrying.

--------

Hockey was a lot of fun! But, as Papyrus would know, one cannot have a lot of fun without a little bit of pain.

The pain in question?

Bumps. "Oof!" "SORRY!"