Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Callum’s eyes fluttered open. It took him some seconds to adjust to the dark room, the only source of light was the moon which hadn’t yet risen to its highest point. 

He heard small sobs, his head immediately turning to his side. Callum distinguished Rayla’s body curled up, holding her left wrist to her chest, her hand forming a fist like she was holding onto something. 

The coins.

“Rayla?” 

She sniffled but didn’t say anything. 

“You’re okay?” 

She sobbed. 

“Rayla, it’s okay,” he said gently, his hands reaching her. 

“I’m sorry,” she said “I didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

“I don’t care, I’m here with you,” he put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing in reassurance “Do you want to talk about it?” 

She sobbed even harder and turned her body in his direction, Callum embraced her and kissed her forehead. 

“I can’t save them” she cried “I can’t, Callum. What am I supposed to do?” 

It tore his soul to hear her voice so broken, to feel her desperation for things to change. It was even harder knowing he couldn’t do anything about it. 

Not even dark magic could replace a third quasar diamond. 

So without words, he pulled her into a tight hug, hoping she might at least not feel alone.

Callum rested his cheek on her forehead and whispered “I’m so sorry, Rayla. You deserve to have them back” 

It’s not fair,  he thought. 

His fingers traced small circles on her back, trying to soothe her, to alleviate any physical pain to compensate for the emotional one he was unable to take away. 

“It sounds so naive now” Rayla whispered unsteadily “But I made up scenarios where they were back, all of them and I got to hug them, to hear their voices, we laughed together and talked about how everything changed thanks to them”

“In my head, we were a family again” She wept “And I got to introduce you and Ezran and Soren… We made up for lost time.” 

Callum wanted to say that she didn’t need to give up hope yet, that they may find a way, but he wasn’t sure, and sometimes false hope only hurt even more. So he only let her cry, while he drowned in his thoughts about what insane thing he might be able to do to make her happy.

In the end, his head was still empty except for one thought: he couldn’t do anything. 

“I don’t want to say goodbye, Callum, not again” Her hands formed fists in his chest “I can’t- I love them so much to do so.” 

Callum kissed her hair “I know, love, I know.” 

“I don’t even need them, I haven’t in years, but I want them. They don’t know me, I want them to know me, I want to be their little moonberry again, pretend like they didn’t leave, I- them” Her breath was becoming erratic with every word and her body was shaking.

“Breathe Rayla,” indicated Callum “It hurts, I know, we can’t change that, you’re allowed to miss them even if they weren’t there, you’re allowed to want them, it’s okay.” 

“Callum,” she sobbed. 

“Yes?” He asked taking her hands. 

“Please tell me what am I supposed to do," Rayla pleaded.  

He gulped "I don't know, but whatever you decide, whatever you want, do it because of you, don’t think about anyone else, think about what you want Rayla.” He rested their intertwined hands on her heart “There’s no right or wrong, just what you want.” 

Please be selfish if you have to , he begged silently.

“I only want you to feel alright, no matter what you choose, you need to be in peace and know you did all you could.”

Chapter Text

I don’t need them anymore, I don’t need them anymore, I don’t need them anymore.

Those words replayed in her mind till they lost meaning. 

But I want them. 

Sobs were now escaping her pursed lips. She heard Callum’s voice calling her and his strong arms surrounded her.

“I’m sorry,” she said “I didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

Callum started talking and she let out strangled words that luckily made some sense , she allowed herself to be vulnerable, because right now she hadn’t the strength to pretend everything would be okay. 

Then he just let her cry, even though her tears were staining his pajamas and it would be uncomfortable going back to sleep with his shirt sticking to his chest. 

“I only want you to feel alright, no matter what you choose , you need to be in peace and know you did all you could, ” he said. 

After a long exhale, she nodded. 

I love them,  she thought picturing herself almost ten years younger, with two little braids woven into her hair, a constant reminder of the love of her parents since each of them had braid one. 

That first night in the tree house with Runaan and Ethari was the complete opposite and still the same with this one night. 

I hate them,  Rayla had thought back then , how could they leave her? Did they not love her enough to stay? What had she done wrong? 

Stil l… 

I love them, I always have ,  not even for a fucking second she’d ever stop doing it , that’s why it hurt when they weren’t with her anymore , that’s why she got so mad and disappointed when everyone said they abandoned their duty, that’s why she’d been hopeful to get them back, and that’s why she was so heartbroken right now, facing a truth that had been deep in her core ten years ago and it returned now: she cared about them. 

It was like an invisible hand was strangling her, the air felt thick and it was complicated to get it to her lungs. Her head was burning, but the rest of her body was limp against Callum’s . 

Rayla couldn’t even close her eyes , every time she tried a memory from her childhood was waiting to attack her. 

They were supposed to be happy memories, right? From a time when she’d everything she now longed for. Her mom, dad, Ethari, and Runaan, were everyone was happy, safe, and together, that was something so normal back then, it was her everyday life. Now Rayla knew those memories would be sacred and precious. 

They wouldn’t be together like that ever again. And that  hurt.  Thinking about that felt like a dagger piercing through her heart and trying to rip it out without success. 

The moonlight suddenly increased alerting her that the time to make a choice was approaching. It wouldn’t take long for the silver disk in the sky to reach its highest point. 

Rayla couldn’t believe her eyes. 

Her parents were there , they were exactly as she remembered them. They were dancing and giggling. The complete opposite of what Runaan had been.

“Rayla!” Said Tiadrin, her voice cheery as ever “Come dance with us!” 

Her mom and dad took her hands and spun her around. For a moment Rayla got entrapped into the rhythm before her mission spawned back into her head. 

“I know this place, ” she said turning to them as the bitter memory invaded her. 

The look in her parents' eyes were understanding and yet full of love, and for the tiniest of moments she considered staying there, with them, where she could have them back and she wouldn’t need to worry about anything else than being their daughter. 

Ten years ago she wouldn’t have asked for more. 

She reached for her wrist, feeling the comforting phoenix feathers' bracelet. Her eyes widened as she recalled those last moments with Callum before coming here.

“… It’ll let you come back to me. ” 

Rayla’s eyes prickled with tears . A knot formed in her throat. 

She recalled her parents dancing together like she’d surprised them do sometimes in the morning back at the Silvergrove, the big dorky smiles on their faces, their eyes fully captivated for the other. 

They belonged together as she belonged with Callum and Runaan with Ethari.  

Their place was together. She couldn’t be selfish and force them apart, she’d done that to herself and Callum, and she wouldn’t do it with them.

With all her cards laid in her mind, she knew what to do even if it was gonna be the worst pain she ever experienced.  

“This is where we said goodbye before you left” she finally said, gathering the strength to look at them one last time “And this is where we will say goodbye again.” 

Her heart broke with every single word. Even knowing she was doing the right thing didn’t help to ease to make her ease her heart. 

A million thoughts, things she wanted to say raced through her head, but nothing would come out. So she just let herself cry and feel protected in their arms one last time before they left once again.