Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Steve Rogers had just finished saying goodbye to the woman he loved. Again. Every time he left Peggy’s side, he wondered if it would be for the last time. Her condition was worsening, and she was old. Very old. And he wasn’t.

It had been nine months since Steve was discovered and resurrected by SHIELD. Nine months of adjusting to life in a completely new time, with completely new people, where Captain America was a historical figure, not a contemporary. Peggy was the only piece of his past still around, but even she wasn’t the same. She had aged while he remained frozen in time, and now that he had finally come back to her…she didn’t remember him.

Her illness had come on hard and fast, mere months before he was discovered in the ice. If they had only found him sooner, he might have been able to keep his promise. Maybe they could have gone dancing. But it didn’t matter now. He would love her and be there for her in every way he could, hoping each time he said goodbye that it wasn’t for the last time.

Steve walked into Avengers’ Tower to the familiar sound of Darcy Lewis laying into Tony Stark, who had apparently caused yet another explosion in his lab.

“For the last time, quit messing around with explosive substances in a sealed laboratory!”

“Now is that any way to talk to your father?”

“I’ll talk to my idiotic genius father however I damn well please! You nearly blew your arm off !”

“Aw come on, kid, you could probably just grow me a new one—”

“You know that’s not how it works, Dad . And I’m still getting the hang of my seidr . You’re lucky I know enough to treat these burns or you’d be in the ICU for the better part of a week!”

Steve walked into the infirmary to find Darcy hovering her hands over Tony’s bloodied and charred arm. A faint blue glow emanated from her palms, the burns gradually vanishing at her touch.

Magic . Or “ seidr ,” as Tony’s demigod daughter called it. Because Nazis with dangerous alien artifacts weren’t insane enough, he woke up to find the world even more complicated.

Darcy finished healing Tony and handed him a cloth to wipe off the residual blood and ash. She then crossed her arms and glared down at him like a mother scolding her child—quite the ironic role reversal. “Now what have we learned today, Anthony Edward Stark?”

Tony chuckled. “It’s really handy having a daughter with superpowers?”

Darcy whacked him on the back of the head.

“Alright, alright! No more risking explosions in small spaces. Next time, I’ll go to the roof. Happy?”

Darcy glared at him. “I’d be happier if you laid off the explosives completely, but I know better than to ask for that.”

Tony gave his daughter a cheeky grin and stood up, tugging Darcy into an embrace and resting his chin on top of her head. “It’s okay, Darce. I’m fine. I’m not going anywhere,” Tony said with placating gentleness.

Darcy stiffened, then sighed and wrapped her arms around her father’s waist in resignation. “You’d better not…” she grumbled.

Steve suddenly felt like he was intruding on a private moment. He was about to leave when Tony spotted him and drew back from Darcy. “Hey Star-Spangled, film any propaganda lately?”

Steve rolled his eyes and was about to retort when Darcy cut him off. “Nope! No arguing! I’ve already played nursemaid and I’m not in the mood for mediating while you two have at it— again .” Darcy stalked over to Steve, grabbed his hand, and dragged him out of the infirmary, leaving Tony grinning and making some snide comment in their wake.

“And where exactly are we going?” Steve chuckled, allowing Darcy to drag him along.

“I need coffee,” she grumbled by way of explanation. “And a muffin, maybe two. That amount of seidr really takes it out of me and I need to replenish.”

Steve nodded, familiar with Darcy’s penchant for sweets and caffeine after working her healing magic. “And you need me because…”

“Because if I left you there then I’d come back and have to patch my dad up again and I’ve had enough of that for today.”

Steve snorted. “Tony may drive me up the wall, but I’ve never actually retaliated.”

“There’s a first time for everything. Besides, you have that forlorn, I’m-in-the-wrong-century look. You need the pick-me-up just as much as I do.”

Darcy pulled Steve out of the tower and onto the street before slowing her pace, some of the tension leaving her shoulders as she laced her fingers through his and they walked toward her favorite coffee shop in companionable silence.

This was the one other thing that made life in the 21st Century bearable. Darcy .

When Fury first introduced Steve to the Avengers, Darcy had taken one look at him, declared them best friends, and refused to let him isolate or wallow. She had seen behind his eyes the same grief and loss that he saw in hers, though he knew little about the cause of her pain. All he really knew was that it had something to do with a guy named Loki—who happened to literally be a deity from Norse mythology—but not even gossip-monger Anthony Stark would tell him more than that.

“She’s not ready to talk about it,” Tony would say, followed quickly by, “And it’s not mine to tell.”

Steve shared everything with Darcy—all about who he was before he became Captain America, what it was like to be the single product of an experiment deemed a failure only to prove them wrong with the Howling Commandos. He told her about Red Skull and Bucky and Peggy. She was the only person he told that Peggy was still alive.

But when it came to her own past, Darcy was pretty cagey. He knew her adoptive parents died not too long ago, but she wouldn’t talk about how. He knew she and Tony only discovered their familial connection within the last couple of years, a fact made obvious by their unique chemistry as father and daughter where the roles often reversed. He knew she had lost someone extremely precious to her…and he knew that person’s name was Loki.

Beyond those foundational details, Darcy wouldn’t open up much. He knew there were files on all of it in SHIELD Headquarters but it felt like an invasion of privacy to read them, especially since the one time he asked her to tell him more about her past she replied, “It’s kinda nice to have one person who doesn’t see me as a victim of loss…one person who just sees me as I am now without any assumptions or pity attached.”

He stopped asking after that.

After they ordered their coffee and treats, the pair settled into a booth by the window to wait. Surprisingly, Darcy had ordered a hot chocolate instead of a coffee today.

“Why the change? Not in the mood for caffeine jitters?” Steve teased, his smile fading as he saw that familiar ache in Darcy’s eyes. The same one he got when remembering.

“He hated coffee…” Darcy almost whispered. Steve knew who she was talking about— Loki . “He had the most notorious sweet tooth of anyone I’ve ever met.” she smiled painfully. “Every time we came here, he would order a hot chocolate…I don’t know, I guess I’m just feeling nostalgic today.”

Steve listened intently, absorbing every detail in this rare moment of vulnerability from his best friend. He reached out and squeezed her hand, but didn’t say a word. They stayed like that for a few minutes until a barista called out their orders and Steve went to collect them. Setting her muffins and hot chocolate in front of her, Steve finally spoke. “I’ll bet he was obsessed with your homemade baklava.”

Darcy huffed a small laugh, peeling the wrapper back from her muffin. “I never made it for him, actually…though the first time we met, I made latkes. Right before SHIELD busted in and made me burn them all.”

Steve raised his eyebrows, curious to learn more but not wanting to push it. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Darcy bit her lip thoughtfully as she lifted her mug of cocoa and rested her elbows on the table. “It’s not that I don’t like to talk about him…it’s more that when I do everyone gives me those sad eyes like I’m a wounded puppy. And I don’t want to talk about…about what happened. In the end. But the memories before, those are worth sharing.” She looked at Steve and smiled. “Because let me tell you, it was never a dull moment with Loki around.”

Darcy shared some of her favorite memories with Steve, finding comfort in talking about Loki after avoiding the topic for so long. Steve was the perfect audience, laughing at all the right moments and taking her side in every remembered argument.

She knew she made the right call taking him under her wing.

After they finished eating, the two headed back to the Tower. Steve went down to the gym while Darcy made her way back to her room, feeling a strange mixture of happiness and raw vulnerability after sharing so much with Steve. She went into her room and flopped on her bed, grabbing Loki’s leather jacket and wrapping it around herself like a blanket, eternally grateful he had left it behind in his SHIELD room when he came after her. While she had access to all manner of Loki memorabilia in his old room on Asgard, this was the only thing she had that belonged to her Loki—the god who fell to earth and completely changed her life. She’d say for the better, but it was hard to be sure these days.

It had been over a year since Loki rescued her from Jotunheim. After she awoke on Asgard, she managed to convince Thor—and subsequently, Odin, who was the real problem child of the bunch—to return to Jotunheim and at very least retrieve Loki’s body.

The entire realm had been in turmoil, reeling from the death of the usurper-king Helblindi and coming to terms with the return of Laufey’s rule. Byleistr filled Darcy and Thor in on what had occurred after they left, how he helped Loki trick Helblindi…and how both of his brothers had been lost in the void.

Loki wasn’t just dead. He was gone . Not even so much as a body to bury. No final goodbyes. No closure.

When they returned to earth, Darcy was a shell of her former self. Tony convinced her to move into the Tower with him—still Stark Tower at that point—and it wasn’t long before the paparazzi figured out she was his daughter. Fortunately, she never left the Tower, so avoiding the media circus was easy enough. She ate. She slept. She bathed. She stayed alive because she wouldn’t let Loki’s sacrifice be in vain. But beyond that, she was lost, and now she had eternity to look forward to thanks to her newly acquired immortality. Once her dad lived out his normal, mortal life, she would be completely alone.

One month after Darcy returned to earth, Queen Frigga paid her a visit.

Darcy had been lying in bed, staring at the clock and counting down the minutes until her next obligatory meal when JARVIS’s voice rang through her room.

“Miss Lewis, you have a visitor—Mrs. Frigga Odinson. She waits for you on the roof.”

“That’s not her last name just because she’s Loki’s mom, JARVIS. That’s not how it works on Asgard, just call her Frigga or Queen Frigga.”

“Very well, Miss Lewis.”

Darcy rolled her eyes, dragging herself out of bed and looking in the mirror. She had lost weight and there were heavy bags under her eyes. Not much she could do about that, but she at least pulled her messy hair up in a bun and threw on some fresh clothes before heading up to the roof.

Frigga smiled gently when she saw Darcy approach.

“Hello, darling, it’s good to see you again. You are looking better…in some ways.”

Darcy shrugged. “Well I’m not recovering from a near-death experience anymore, so there’s that…your majesty.”

Frigga shook her head, coming over to take Darcy’s hand tenderly in hers. “Darcy, please don’t be so formal with me. Loki loved you enough to forge a seidknutr with you, I’d say that puts us beyond formalities. You may simply call me Frigga.”

“Okay…” Darcy whispered, feeling a pang in her heart as Frigga’s thumb traced over the faded tattoo on her left hand. “Is there something I can help you with, Frigga?”

Frigga nodded, guiding Darcy over to a bench to sit down. “My apprentice recently left to further his studies in Vanaheim, and I am hoping to take on a new pupil. You have a natural inclination toward healing seidr , that much is obvious from how your body so quickly restored itself after—well…I wondered if you would like to study with me for a time? You would not need to live in Asgard permanently, perhaps just come a few days each month to work with me and I can give you some exercises to practice on your own the rest of the time. What do you think?”

Darcy sat in silence for several minutes, stunned by the offer. The queen of Asgard—Loki’s favorite person in the whole universe—wanted to teach her?

“Your—I mean, Frigga…I know you think highly of me because of my connection to your son, but…I’m not the same person I was. I’m not exactly the best company right now.”

Frigga chuckled softly. “Darling, with how often Loki was ‘not the best company,’ do you really think I can’t handle it?”

Darcy huffed a pained laugh. “I guess that’s a valid point…I just don’t want you to do this out of obligation…or pity.”

Frigga shook her head firmly, “Darcy, this is not about either of those things. I would be offering to teach you even if you had no connection to my son whatsoever. You have a rare gift, and I would like to help it flourish. Besides, you are family, and I’m not talking about Loki. Your mother was my niece, and her gift was nearly as powerful as yours. It would be an honor to train a daughter of Vanaheim once more.”

Darcy bit back tears, her heart swelling at Frigga’s kindness and sincerity. For the first time since waking up without Loki, she began to feel a glimmer of hope that things might start to get better.

A year later, Darcy’s seidr had grown substantially, and it had become a source of great comfort to focus on training and honing her craft. Once the Avengers formed to begin tracking down remnants of HYDRA woven throughout SHIELD—courtesy of a file Loki had left hidden in his room for Coulson to find—Darcy found herself with an even greater purpose acting as the team’s healer. Which had the added bonus of allowing her to lecture each of them in turn on how to not get injured in combat.

Darcy was beginning to feel less alone in the world. She had Tony. She had Frigga. She had Steve. Her heart was still broken, but the pieces felt a little less heavy now with so many people to help carry them.

Chapter Text

Time had lost all meaning. Space was just an empty existence, and he was both a part of it and something separate. It had been centuries. It had been seconds. It had been a lifetime of darkness, and he almost forgot what light looked like.

Almost.

But there was one light that kept him together—bound his identity in a moment, a memory, a person.

I know who you are, and I will remind you as much as I have to.

He clung to that light, his only solace in a dark, hollow existence with nothing to cling to. He had to believe this emptiness would end, and as soon as it did he would find a way back.

A way back to her. The one whose name he whispered like a prayer into the void of unending falling, falling, falling…

The sun will shine on us again, Minn Ijós…

After what felt like a hundred eternities, the emptiness became full. And with that fullness came a new sensation—pain.

Chapter Text

Darcy woke up screaming. She was bathed in cold sweat, trembling as she sat up and grabbed Loki’s jacket, clinging to it like a lifeline and inhaling the lingering scent of cinnamon. Calming her breathing, she glanced at the clock. Four in the morning. Close enough .

Darcy got up and showered, getting dressed and heading to the infirmary to get an early start on some work for the day, preparing various potions and poultices the team could bring with them on longer missions where she wasn’t there to help in a pinch. She occasionally flexed her left hand as she worked, stretching out the ache that still radiated across her skin.

Her tattoo—her seidknutr —always burned when she had nightmares about Loki.

After she first learned of Loki falling into the Void, she would feel sharp flares of pain emanating from the seidknutr every once in a while. She had asked Frigga about it, but no one knew enough about the ways of seidknutr to understand what it could mean. Darcy tried suggesting it might mean Loki was alive somewhere, trying to contact her somehow, but Frigga gently rejected that idea.

“Darling, I know how difficult it is to accept, but no one could survive such a fall. Loki is gone…”

Then one day, the pain suddenly stopped, and the only time she felt anything from her seidknutr was after one of her nightmares. This seemed to confirm Frigga’s suggestion that the pain had to do with the broken bond and Darcy’s own grief. Over time, the markings began to fade, and while Darcy felt in part that this was a sign that she was beginning to heal, it also made the thought of getting better and losing the marking entirely unbearable.

Darcy was just finishing preparing the last of the medicinals when Steve walked into the infirmary. “And I thought I was an early riser,” he teased lightly. “How long have you been up?”

Glancing at the clock, Darcy shrugged nonchalantly. “A couple of hours. Couldn’t sleep.”

“Bad dream?”

Grimacing, Darcy nodded. “I need coffee. Wanna join me?”

“Yeah, but I can’t stay long. I’m going to visit Peggy again today.” Steve hesitated. “Do you want to come? You’re always good at making her laugh, and she’s seemed a bit more reserved lately.”

Darcy smiled. “You know I always love visiting Pegs. Let’s go.”

After stopping for some much-needed caffeine, Steve and Darcy headed to the care facility where Peggy lived, arriving right at the start of visiting hours. Steve was grateful for Darcy’s company. He loved visiting Peggy, but sometimes it just made him feel even more alone in the world. She was a reminder of a past he could never have—a history he couldn’t get back to.

After picking up visitor passes, Steve and Darcy were directed to the gardens, where they found Peggy sitting in a wheelchair, a knitted blanket tucked around her legs to stave off the chill.

Peggy was having a good day and seemed to brighten even further as Darcy and Steve joined her. She didn’t remember them, of course, but was always happy to engage with company, and true to form Darcy didn’t fail to make the older woman laugh.

“You’re a lucky young man,” Peggy said, smiling fondly at Steve. “Best hang onto this one—she’s a keeper.”

Steve flushed at the implication. “Oh, no, we’re not—”

Peggy brushed off his denial. “You will be. I have an eye for these sorts of things.”

Darcy chuckled, looking up at Steve and giving him a shrug that said just play along .

As they were getting up to leave, Peggy reached out and took Steve’s hand, stopping him from following Darcy back inside.

“It’s time to move on, Steve,” Peggy said softly, her eyes reflecting a rare moment of clarity. “You can’t live in the past forever.”

Steve’s eyes widened and he kneeled in front of her. “Pegs…”

Peggy reached up a hand to his cheek. “You’re allowed to love more than one person,” she said softly. “Whoever you lost, don’t let memories of her hold you back from the love you could have now. Take it from someone who has loved and lost and never learned to let him go…”

Steve’s heart sank as he realized she didn’t remember him in the way he had hoped. He nodded, giving her a grateful smile. “I’ll think about it, Pegs. Thanks.” After kissing Peggy lightly on the forehead, Steve stood and went back inside, catching up to Darcy.

Darcy looked up at Steve in concern. “You okay, Steve?”

He nodded, forcing a smile. “I will be.”

Steve found Bruce meditating on the roof. He closed the door a little louder than necessary to make sure Bruce knew he was there and wouldn’t get caught off guard.

Bruce smiled, opening his eyes and turning to look at Steve. “I have better control than that, you know. The Other Guy won’t show up just because you sneak up on me, especially not with Tony constantly trying to get a reaction.”

Steve chuckled. “Has he ever succeeded?”

“Not even once.”

“You’ll have to tell me your secret sometime.” Steve walked over and sat down on a mat beside Bruce, resting his arms on his knees.

Bruce gave Steve a knowing look. “What’s going on, Steve?”

Steve sighed, leaning back on his hands. “That obvious?”

“Considering how you tend to treat me like your therapist? Yeah, a little bit.”

Steve winced guiltily. “I don’t mean it like that—”

Bruce waved a hand, cutting Steve off with a reassuring smile. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’ve spent years perfecting the art of mental stability—kind of a necessity for me. We’re friends, I don’t mind you coming to me if you’ve got a load to get off your shoulders.”Sighing in relief, Steve opened up. “I’ve just been thinking lately about the past—about who I used to be. Before I woke up in the 21st century, even before I was Captain America…” Steve hesitated. “Do you ever wish you could go back to who you were before? Before the…Other Guy?”

Bruce smirked. “Of course I do. Every day. But I try not to let those thoughts rule me because this is my reality now. Going back isn’t an option. I’ve tried.”

Steve nodded. That’s what the SHIELD therapists had told him too in those early months before he stopped going. It wasn’t like any of them could really understand what he was going through.  “And what if you found happiness in your life now ? What if you found something…or someone…who could help you move on and accept that this is your new reality? Do you think that’s okay? Or would it feel like you’re betraying who you used to be?”

“Steve, you can’t let yourself feel guilty for moving forward with your life,” Bruce insisted, resting a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “If you have a chance to be happy, you should take it. Dwelling in the past will just make every day more painful than it needs to be.” Bruce stood up, stretching his arms overhead. “And if you ask me, I think you and Darcy could both use a little dose of happiness.”

Steve looked up at Bruce in shock. “Darcy? Who said anything about Darcy?”

Bruce laughed. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are, Captain. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and it races every time she’s within twenty feet of you.”

Steve flushed, embarrassed he had been so obvious.

“Just ask her out on a date, Steve,” Bruce suggests. “The worst she can do is say no, and then you go back to being friends.”

“You make it sound so easy…” Steve muttered. He still wasn’t even sure if this was what he wanted. He still loved Peggy. Could he have feelings for Darcy too, or was it just platonic affection? He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. I guess there’s only one way to find out…

Darcy was reading a book in the main lounge when Steve found her. He sat next to her on the couch, clearing his throat nervously. Darcy looked up, surprised at his sudden awkwardness.

“Something going on, Steve?” she asked, crinkling her brow curiously.

Steve took a deep breath, bolstering his confidence, and just blurted it out. “I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date with me.”

Darcy stared at him in shock. “Oh. You want to…with me…a date…” she stammered, still processing what had just happened. Was Captain America seriously asking her on a date? And did she want to go?

“You can say no,” Steve continued, twisting his hands in his lap and avoiding looking at her. “It’s okay if you’re not ready, or not interested. Our friendship is more important, so if you don’t want to go beyond that I understand—”

“Steve!” Darcy shouted, cutting off his rambling. “Calm down. I want to go.”

He finally looked up at her, his eyes wide and innocent like a puppy. “You…you do?”

She gave him a nervous smile and nodded. “I mean, I don’t know yet if I want there to be anything more than friendship between us…and I’m still not sure I’m ready for anything, even if I did want it. But…I think we both deserve to give it a shot, yeah?”

Steve sighed, smiling sheepishly. “Yeah. I’m not sure I’m ready either, but it just feels like we owe it to ourselves to see if we can move on from the past. And what better way to test the waters than with someone you trust, right?”

Darcy closed her book and stood up from the couch. “Alright, if we’re doing this, we’re doing it right. But also privately, because you’re Captain America and I’m Tony Stark’s daughter. There are already enough rumors about us just from grabbing coffee together, we really don’t need to stoke the fire with a fancy date.”

“Good point,” Steve agreed. “What do you have in mind?”

Darcy thought for a moment. “Dinner. Your apartment, because I don’t want our dearly beloved Avengers butting in, plus Thor’s due for another visit and he really has no clue how to read a room.”

Steve grinned and nodded. “Okay, but I’m cooking.”

“Deal.”

Chapter Text

It was difficult to discern between what was real and what was illusion—something that had once come easily to him. Hadn’t he once been a master of illusions? Or had he always been mad?

“Give in.” The voice whispered from the shadows, accompanied by rare moments of peace. He only ever felt peace when he heard that voice. It soothed away the pain that wracked his body every other moment. But he knew not to trust it. The voice was a lie.

If he trusted the voice, he would lose everything. He would lose…

He didn’t remember what he would lose. But he knew it was important. He had to protect it. That’s why he made himself forget—to keep… something safe.

It was the one thing the voice couldn’t take from him. He made sure of it.

“You are weak, little Asgardian,” the voice reminded him with gentle cruelty. “You cannot last forever. Just give in, and it will stop hurting. Give in, and I will raise you up stronger and more powerful than you could possibly imagine.”

He whimpered in desperation as the voice withdrew, the pain returning tenfold. He cried out as he felt the skin rend from his bones over and over again. His sense of self unraveled as his body broke and reformed. Claws tore at his mind, searching for every weakness. Every opening. Every opportunity to cut away the last of his resistance with the precision of a surgeon.

Time lost all meaning in this tormented existence. It could have been days, it could have been centuries. Pain stretched before and behind him too far to remember any other way of being. It was in this place of hollow suffering that the claws finally dug deep enough to discover what he had been protecting, peeling open the layers of himself to unveil his greatest weakness and the one thing still tethering him to who he used to be.

No… he grieved, agony ripping through him as the last piece of himself was uncovered. Not her… He fought against his captor, reaching for the precious memories he had hidden and trying to protect them from prying eyes. But it was too late. The darkness had found his light, and it was determined to snuff it out entirely.

Chapter Text

Darcy knocked on the door to Steve’s apartment, a store-bought apple pie in one hand and a bottle of wine tucked under her arm. Normally, she would just barge in when they had plans, but that didn’t feel right for a date. She would also normally be in sweats with her hair up in a messy bun for a night of movies and platonic cuddling, but tonight she actually put in some effort—a simple blue cocktail dress, her hair down in loose curls. She even wore a full face of makeup, breaking out her favorite red lipstick that she hadn’t bothered with in months.

She was trying to train her brain to catch up with the reality that this wasn’t another night of two friends hanging out, but an actual romantic evening with Steve Rogers. Adorkable superhero best friend Captain America Steve Rogers.

Her brain was still buffering.

Steve opened the door, dressed in dark grey slacks and a white button-down, wearing the excessively patriotic apron she got him for Christmas earlier that year. Despite being just as dressed up as she was, the familiar sight of Steve in that ridiculous apron—which she had crudely hand-embroidered with the phrase “Kiss the Cap”—helped Darcy to relax. So what if this was a date? It was still just Steve. No need to freak out.

“Hey,” she greeted him with a smile that was only slightly awkward. “I brought your favorite—apple pie!”

Steve chuckled. “And let me guess, apple pie is my favorite because I’m Captain America and it’s my civil duty to like all American classics?”

Darcy grinned and walked through the door as Steve moved aside for her. “I gotta hand it to you, Spangles, you’re a fast learner.”

It had not taken long for Darcy to join Tony in teasing Steve about being the poster-child All-American Boy, though where Tony did it with insults and assumptions, Darcy did it with presents and pie… and the occasional lighthearted insult, though she chose to think of those more as clever witticisms than actual insults. Steve seemed to agree since he let her get away with them a lot more than he let Tony.

Steve’s apartment was clean and simple, just like he was. The decor was full of 1940s nostalgia—some of it provided by SHIELD to make Steve’s transition to a new era easier, and other pieces collected by Steve himself. It was pretty obvious what was Steve’s and what wasn’t. His pride and joy was his ever-growing collection of vinyl records, one of which was currently playing on the authentic, only-worked-half-the-time turntable.

Darcy set the pie and wine on the dining room table and went over to the record player, picking up the sleeve. “Mamie Smith, huh?” she asked casually. Steve usually had something a bit more upbeat on when she came over, but this record was slow and sultry. Darcy’s heart fluttered nervously at the implication.

Steve cleared his throat awkwardly as he stirred the pasta sauce on the stove. “Yeah, well, Mamie was basically my childhood. Mama loved her music. She used to pick me up when I was little and dance around the kitchen with me in her arms, singing along to ol’ Mamie.”

Darcy smiled at the picture of little Stevie dancing with his mom. “That’s sweet…she must have been an incredible woman to raise you all by herself.”

“She was…” Steve said quietly. The silence that followed was heavy with the weight of the past and the possibilities of the future.

Darcy set down the vinyl sleeve and walked over to the kitchen, peeking around Steve to see what he was cooking. “I knew I smelled your famous spaghetti sauce!” she exclaimed excitedly.

Steve laughed under his breath. “I don’t know about famous, but it seemed appropriate that I make your favorite.”

Opening the oven, Darcy inhaled the fragrant aroma of warm garlic bread. “Stevie, my friend, you sure know how to woo a girl,” she declared. “You get this from Breads?”

“Of course,” Steve said with a playful grin. “I can’t serve my famous spaghetti recipe with grocery store bread. I may be new to this decade, but I have been well-educated on the correct places to do my shopping.”

“Whoever taught you must be super smart. Like, Stark-genius-level smart.”

“She is.”

“Ooh, she? Have you asked her out yet?”

“I have, as a matter of fact. She’s coming over for dinner tonight,” Steve looked up at Darcy with a bashful smile. “And she looks beautiful…”

“Oh…thanks…you look nice too…” Darcy stammered, looking around for something she could do to get over how flustered she was feeling. “Can I do anything to help?”

Steve turned his gaze back to the sauce he was stirring. “Everything is just about ready. You could plate up the bread and take it to the table? There’s a platter—”

“I know where it is, Chef,” Darcy interrupted. “This ain’t my first rodeo in the Rogers Gourmet Kitchen.” Darcy pulled out the platter and set it aside, then grabbed a towel and opened the oven to remove the bread. She was still feeling a bit flustered and was moving too quickly, which naturally resulted in her bumping her wrist on the hot oven rack. Darcy hissed in pain, jerking back and dropping the towel in the oven.

Steve was by her side in an instant, pulling out the towel before it started to burn and then turning around to face Darcy, gingerly taking her wrist in his hand. “Let me take a look at that.”

“Sorry, I’m not normally such a klutz,” Darcy muttered as Steve led her to the sink, running cool water over the small burn.

“Don’t apologize, it happens,” Steve replied gently. “Although it might have been less likely if you used the oven mitts instead of a towel.”

“Yeah, I’ll remember that next time,” Darcy muttered, too embarrassed to cut back with her usual claim that oven mitts are a waste of space when you have perfectly good towels to use.

After gently patting Darcy’s arm dry, Steve took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Hey, you don’t have to be nervous around me. It’s still just us. Nothing has changed, and nothing has to.”

Darcy looked up at Steve with a small smile. “Yeah, I know…just getting in my head a bit.”

Steve gave Darcy a reassuring smile before going back over to the oven, picking up the bread off the door and brushing at the charred bits. “Well, most of this is salvageable at least,” he muttered, giving Darcy a wry grin. “Though not dropping it on the dirty oven door might help next time.”

“So would cleaning your oven once in a while!”

“Nobody cleans their oven. The heat kills the germs.”

“That’s about as accurate as the five-second rule.”

“And I stand by that rule, too.”

Darcy threw up her hands in exasperation. “This is why I never cook with you.”

Steve laughed, setting the bread down on a platter and turning to face Darcy with his arms crossed. “You never cook with anyone because you’re a control freak in the kitchen.”

Darcy stuck her tongue out at him, but felt a bit less tense after their banter. 

Dinner was much more relaxed, Steve and Darcy easing into the familiarity of their usual dinners, both seeming to forget this was supposed to be a date. At least, until dinner was over and Steve went to change the music to something slower and decidedly romantic.

“May I have this dance, ma’am?” he asked playfully, holding out a hand to her.

Darcy actually blushed . That foreign feeling of her cheeks warming was uncomfortable, and her rapidly beating heart didn’t help. She couldn’t tell if the anxiety stemmed from feelings of discomfort or feelings of…well, feelings . Pushing that aside, she forced a playful smirk and took Steve’s hand. “Just try to keep up. I’ve been to a ball on another planet, so I’ve got moves, babe.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as he pulled her into his arms, bringing his other arm around her waist as they swayed to the music. “Oh really? That sounds like a story worth hearing.” He twirled her out and then drew her back in, though the motion was partially hampered by the limited floor space in his tiny living room.

Darcy chuckled. “There is…but right now I’d rather focus on being here. With you.” Hold up, Darce. Did you really just say that??

Cheeks turning slightly pink, Steve drew Darcy closer. She looked down at their feet to make sure she didn’t step on his toes, but then his hand left her waist and gently reached under her chin, lifting her gaze to his. “Darcy…”

Darcy’s heart felt like it was going to pound right out of her chest. “Y-yeah, Steve?” she answered in a whisper.

“Can I…can I kiss you?” Steve asked, his hand shifting to rest against her cheek. Where Loki’s touch had always been like a smooth, cooling balm on a hot summer day, Steve was all warmth, his calloused fingers rough against her skin.

Darcy took in a shaky breath and nodded as Steve slowly dipped his head toward hers.

Their lips met, and it was…nice. It wasn’t fireworks. It wasn’t burning and desperate and explosive. It was tender and sweet, and Darcy knew immediately that the kiss wasn’t hers to have.

Because Steve’s heart belonged to someone else. And so did Darcy’s.

Pulling back, Darcy rested her forehead against Steve’s chest and sighed in defeat.

“Yeah…I know…” said Steve quietly, wrapping his arms around her in a comforting embrace.

“I guess moving on isn’t in the books for us right now, is it?” Darcy muttered against his shirt.

Steve chuckled. “Someday, Darce. Someday you’ll find someone who will sweep you off your feet and change your world.”

Darcy chuckled bitterly and pulled back to look at him. “Tell me something, Steve. If I said those exact words to you, would you believe me?”

Ducking his head, Steve smiled sheepishly. “I guess not…I sorta feel like I already had my life-changing romance. I don’t think most people get a second shot.”

“Me neither…” said Darcy, smiling sadly at him. “But hey, at least we can be alone together, right?”

Steve gave her that adorable crooked smile of his and nodded. “Yeah. You know I’m always here for you, Darcy. No matter what.”

Chapter Text

“She has forgotten you.”

“No…no, she wouldn’t do that.”

“You’re meaningless to her now. She has found another. Someone better. Someone good .”

“I…I became good. For her, I was good…”

“You’ll never be good, little Asgardian. You’ll always be a monster. You know this. Accept it.”

“No! No…I can…I can change…”

“You can try. You will fail. You are destined to fail.”

The voice was right. He had always been destined to fail. It’s who he was at his core. But she saw differently. She believed he could be different. Better. With her at his side, he was.

But she didn’t need him anymore. She had family. Friends. She had another person to love her as he once tried to. Better, perhaps. He saw it all from his place of torment. He saw her laugh with his brother, flourish under his mother’s tutelage, grow closer and closer every day to that fair-haired hero…he saw them kiss…

“Reality is often disappointing. I can give you the power to reshape it according to your will.”

But he was not tempted. It broke his heart to see her move on without him, but seeing her happy…it gave him the strength to endure. He would not break. He would stay strong. For her. Even if she never knew.

“Get. Out . Of. My. HEAD! ” he cried out, seidr exploding around him. The rock walls of the cavern where he was being held crumbled and cracked, but his victory was short-lived.

“That was a mistake, little Asgardian,” the voice rumbled with a frightening calm.

The pain reignited tenfold, reminding him that he had no real power here.

Chapter Text

Darcy was barely out of the elevator and stepping onto the Tower’s residential floor when she was swept up in a big bear hug. “Surprise, Lit Elding!” Thor’s voice boomed in her ear.

“Hey, big guy! I didn’t know you were due for a visit,” Darcy laughed, hugging the large Asgardian around the neck as her feet dangled off the ground. “Shouldn’t you be busy helping with the whole Asgardian-Jotun alliance thing?”

Laufey had managed to mostly reclaim the throne of Jotunheim, but there were still many who had supported Helblindi’s coup. The situation was unstable at best, made even worse by the fact that Laufey had agreed to formally begin peace talks with Asgard—something Thor was supposed to be attending as Asgard’s future king.

Thor rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly after putting Darcy down. “Yes, well…a delegation from Jotunheim will be coming to Asgard soon, but I still have a week or two until then. So what better time to visit my favorite cousin?”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “You do realize we’re not actually related, right? Your mom’s brother married my biological mother’s sister. That doesn’t make us in any way related.”

Waving his hand dismissively, Thor ignored her protestations like always. “Kin is kin. Besides, I’m not just here for a casual visit.” Thor leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. “I’ve come to kidnap you.”

“Oh, have you?” Darcy whispered back. “Where are we going? Asgard?”

“If I tell you, that would spoil the surprise!”

“Which is it, then? A surprise or a kidnapping? Either way, I deserve veto rights.”

Thor chuckled. “Aw, come on, Lit Elding! What happened to your sense of adventure?”

Darcy gave him a deadpan look. “I left it in Jotunheim.” Thor’s grin faltered, and Darcy winced. “Sorry…you’re right, still way too soon…”

Thor schooled his features into a gentle smile. “No, it is alright. I know what you meant.” Thor sighed dramatically. “If you must ruin the fun, then I’ll tell you. I’m planning to pay a visit to the Lady Jane, and I thought you might like to join me.”

Darcy hesitated. She loved Jane and missed her like crazy ever since SHIELD spirited her off to some ultra-secret facility along with the cube-that-shall-not-be-named. But Jane always saw through her better than anyone. She would know Darcy was struggling and would make her talk about it.

Which was probably a good thing, but that didn’t mean Darcy wanted to do it.

“I don’t know, Thor…how are you going to find her, anyway? I doubt Fury will just tell you where Area 51 is.”

Thor furrowed his brow. “Jane isn’t in Area 51, she’s in an underground facility in the Mojave—”

Darcy smacked a hand over Thor’s mouth. “Geez, do you just go around spouting top-secret information for kicks? How do you even know that?”

Chuckling, Thor reached up and extricated her hand. “Heimdall.”

“Ah. Of course, the know-it-all god.” Darcy rolled her eyes. She wasn’t particularly trusting of Heimdall. She knew he never had much fondness for Loki, and his failure to locate Loki after he fell into the void left a bitterness in her stomach that never quite went away. Was it Heimdall’s fault? No. Did that stop Darcy from having a childish vendetta against the all-seeing god? Also no.

“Anyway, as luck would have it, Nicholas Fury has asked that I advise on Jane’s project. This won’t be my first visit. I may not have the knowledge of my brother, but I do know a thing or two about interdimensional travel,” Thor continued. “I know he would not refuse you the chance to visit Jane as well. You were her assistant, after all. And since Jane isn’t able to leave at the moment, what better way to cheer her up than to bring you with me?”

Darcy grimaced. She knew Jane was likely miserable being stuck underground 24/7. Workaholic she may be, but Jane was still human. She needed more than a couple of hours of sunlight a week. Without Darcy there to ensure Jane took care of herself, the woman was likely working herself to an early grave.

But going to visit Jane also meant leaving Tony. Her dad. Her mortal dad, who had an affinity for explosives.

“I can’t, Thor…my dad needs me here—”

“Like hell I do,” interjected Tony, coming around the corner with his arms crossed in that I’m-trying-to-be-the-father-figure-just-go-with-it way of his.

“Dad—”

Tony glanced up at Thor. “Give me a minute with my kid, will ya, Point Break?”

Thor rolled his eyes at the nickname that he still didn’t understand, but nodded. “I will be waiting outside if you wish to join me, Darcy.”

After Thor left, Darcy turned to face Tony and crossed her arms in the much more convincing I’ve-been-parenting-geniuses-longer-than-you’ve-been-a-dad-so-don’t-try-me way of hers.

Smirking, Tony relaxed his posture. “Darce, I don’t need you to protect me, and you can’t spend my whole life trying to do it.”

Darcy hated the way he said that. Not your whole life. My whole life. Because it was guaranteed she would significantly outlive him—something she really didn’t want to think about. “But what if something happens—”

Tony closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Darcy and resting his chin on top of her head. “How about this? I promise that, while you’re gone, I won’t do any inventing, experimenting, or otherwise dangerous puttering involving explosives of any kind. And in exchange, you visit your best friend for a minimum of one week. Deal?”

Sighing, Darcy rested her cheek on his chest—right against the arc reactor that reminded her every day just how fragile her father was—and relented. “Fine. But no explosives. And I will be in a group text with Steve, Bruce, and Pepper checking in every hour to make sure you’re not doing something stupid.”

Tony chuckled, kissing her hair affectionately. “Love you too, kid.”

Thor hadn’t been exaggerating when he described the facility as “underground.” All Darcy could see for miles outside the massive facility was flat, dry, miserable desert. “What is it with scientists and deserts?” she grumbled to herself. “Just once, I’d love to visit a super secret facility in Hawaii. Or Fiji.”

Chuckling, Thor led her to the front door of the base, which appeared to be your standard, everyday secret military base on the surface. What has my life become that secret military bases are the standard? Darcy mused internally.

Darcy and Thor wove through a maze of corridors and checkpoints to a highly secure elevator that carried them deep, deep, deep underground. “If Fury hadn’t given you permission to be here, could the Bifrost have beamed you directly inside?”

“Technically, yes,” replied Thor. “But it would have blasted a hole right through the ground to do it. Not the most subtle approach, and one I doubt the director would appreciate.”

“I don’t recall you ever being the subtle type,” Darcy teased, recalling the dramatic entrance Thor had made into New York the first time she met him, during Loki’s human era.

Thor chortled at that. “You make a fair point, cousin. Ah, here we are!”

The elevator opened into yet another maze of hallways crowded with agents, soldiers, and scientists, followed by a long and winding staircase that took them even deeper underground. “Okay, even for SHIELD, this is a little excessive,” groused Darcy, catching her breath at the base of the stairs.

Finally, Thor and Darcy reached Jane’s actual lab. It was a massive domed room full of tech Jane and Darcy had only dreamed of in their DIY days in Puente Antiguo. Jane had probably blushed with excitement like a bride on her wedding night when she first saw this place. It had the same warehouse-full-of-tech feel as their old observatory, but on steroids. Really expensive steroids.

A team of NASA’s best worked the various monitors and machines throughout the vast laboratory. Jane stood at the far end next to a larger version of the device she, Loki, and Darcy had designed together in New York to harness the Tesseract’s power.

Darcy’s heart warmed to see her best friend so in her element. Maybe she’d been overreacting, worrying about Jane. But of course, the moment Jane turned and made eye contact with her, the bags under her eyes told a different story.

“Darcy! You’re here!”

Darcy bit back a laugh at how Thor’s face fell when Jane showed more excitement over her best friend than the handsome Asgardian who had been trying to court her for months. “Hey, Janie! Surprise!”

Jane rushed over and hugged Darcy tightly. “How are you? I’ve missed you! You feel too skinny. Are you eating enough? Is Tony taking care of you? Because if he’s not, I swear I’ll come right back to New York and—”

“Whoa, Mama Bear, chill!” laughed Darcy. “I’m eating, I’m sleeping, I’m doing fine. Which is more than I can say for you. When did you last sleep?”

Jane flushed. “Well, we’re really close to a breakthrough and I just wanted to run a few more tests—”

“Hello, Lady Jane!” boomed Thor eagerly, his patience finally failing him.

Jane smiled softly at Thor, blushing a little. “Hi, Thor…”

Darcy clapped her hands together. “Right. Now that we’re all reacquainted, why don’t we get something to eat and then you can show me to your room so I can creepily supervise while you sleep a la Edward Cullen?”

“Ah yes, this cafeteria has much of that diverting Midgardian beverage you call coffee! Come, fair maidens, let us partake!”

Darcy looped an arm through Jane’s as they followed Thor back the way they had come, internally groaning at the thought of how many levels they’d have to navigate to get to a cafeteria. “Oh, and no coffee for you,” Darcy whispered to Jane. “The goal of this venture is ultimately sleep, not insanity.”

Reclaiming her title as Darcy Lewis: Science Wrangler felt good—like slipping into your favorite sheets at grandma’s house. It felt like home. It was moments like these when Darcy almost, almost felt like she could move on and live a fulfilling, happy life. Maybe she could, in some ways. After all, she was getting pretty good at hiding the hole in her heart.

Chapter Text

Where Asgard was the golden realm eternal, Vanaheim was all color and magic. Flowing fountains of rich aquamarine, flourishing flower arrangements that seemed to dance and sway to the music serenading the ballroom, fissures of jewels painting swathes of radiance in the pillars and marble floors.

But none of it compared to her.

When he looked at her, he found himself forgetting how to breathe. She was the one thing that made everything worth it—the struggle, the resistance, it was all for her. She was light in the form of a person.

He approached her and she smiled that bright, joyful smile—her red lips plush and inviting as ever. She said something, but he didn’t hear a word of it. He was too enthralled by her, in awe that he was with her again. Finally. It had all been worth it in the end, because he finally had his light back.

Sweeping her into his arms, he ran his fingers through the thick, black waves of her hair.

“How I have missed you, Minn Ijos…”

He brought his lips down to hers, feeling her whisper against his own, “You could have this again…just give in, and you can have everything you’ve ever wanted…a throne, and your queen…”

His eyes snapped open, and he shoved her away, the illusion shattering. He stood alone in the craggy cell, the sinister laughter of the deep, malevolent voice echoing off the walls.

“Foolish little Asgardian,” crooned the resonant voice. “This doesn’t have to be painful. I can make it feel so good. I can make you want this. Just give in—”

“No,” he growled. “I will not!”

No sooner had the words left his lips than his back arched in agony, an animalistic scream tearing from his lips and blood vessels bursting behind his eyes.

“You will give in. You will always give in. It’s only a matter of time.”