Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kazuhira yawned sleepily as he entered the Communications room. All-nighters were commonplace for him, but at least he managed to sneak in 2-3 hours of sleep. Unfortunately, Mother Base was starting to grow more and more, with soldiers and animals alike, and no one else was qualified (aka, could sit still long enough) to do the paperwork.
So Kazuhira is currently functioning on one singular hour of sleep; His hands run over the coffee maker in the room to press the start button.

*beep*

…no coffee? Kazuhira blinks, realizing his eyes were closed throughout that whole thing. The coffee machine is devoid of any coffee.

“Sir?”

Kazuhira turns his head to see Jamming Lamb, saluting; He must have walked clean past her.

“T-The coffee is miss…” She trails off and yawns. “Missing. Sir. The coffee is missing…sir.”

“.....missing??” Kazuhira said, in disbelief.

“The rest…” Another yawn. “Of the…the Intel team went to look for it cause some….” Lamb trailed off, almost falling asleep standing. “Stayed up! I can’t…”

Kazuhira shook his head, and for a second, he could see some of the Intel team sleepily sitting, attempting to perform their tasks before yawning, closing their eyes, shaking awake and repeating the process.

“What is…happening?” Kazuhira yawned, before arriving at the only logical conclusion. “...Ocelot.”

Kazuhira groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose before hurriedly heading towards the Combat Unit Platform.

-

Ocelot sat near the helipad, waiting for the pins and needles to leave his left leg; DD ran around with the now-disabled stun knife, panting happily as he took it in and out of the pouch. The scene made Ocelot smile for a few seconds before he heard the sound of impending nagging driving up to the platform.
Tire screech, cutting of an engine, thump of a crutch.

“Miller.” Ocelot called, not turning to face him.

“Where is it?” Kazuhira asked; Ocelot raised an eyebrow, turning to see Kazuhira swaying on his feet.

Completely out of it, but still drove here. Interesting.

“Stop evaluating me.” Kazuhira growled. “Give me the fucking coffee.”

“What are you talking about?” Ocelot deadpanned; Kazuhira growled and slammed his crutch closer.

“Don’t play dumb, I know it was you!” Kazuhira stumbled forward. “Intel’s in shambles right now because no one can stay awake long enough to do their jobs! That’s why we have coffee! There’s a system in place here, Ocelot!”

“...Did you stay up last night?” Ocelot finally got a good look at his face. “Actually, never mind that. I didn’t steal any coffee. Don’t like the stuff that much.”

Kazuhira opened his mouth.

“Do you have any proof it was me?” Ocelot asked.

Kazuhira closed his mouth.

“Exactly.” Ocelot’s leg started to regain feeling, so he stood. “...I’d find it amusing you immediately assumed I took it, if it wasn’t such an egregious thing for me to do.”

Kazuhira had no reply, save for a grumble.

“Alright, let’s get back to Intel and get to the bottom of this. And give me the keys, I’m driving.” Ocelot turned as Kazuhira tossed him the keys. “DD!”

-

The Intel team seemed to wake up slightly as DD went to all of them, sniffing and barking. Ocelot surveyed the room, walking over to the coffee maker and looking at the coffee stains where the coffee is supposed to be. He swiped some onto his finger.

“DD, search.” Ocelot commanded, lowering himself while lifting his finger. DD ran up to Ocelot, sniffed his finger, then patrolled for about 5 seconds before walking to a file cabinet in the room, sitting and looking proud of himself. A confused, tense silence went around the room as Jamming Lamb went up to the cabinet and opened the bottom drawer.

She pulled out the coffee.

…

The first thing Intel did was fire up the security system and rewind the footage to the early morning. Kazuhira was furiously looking at the screen as he drank out of his coffee mug; Ocelot and DD lingered by the door.

“There.” He pointed.

At around 3:00, the door to the Intel room opened. The coffee bags were picked up and placed in the drawer.
Very odd then, that there was no one visible when it happened.

“...a….a ghost…?” Lamb suggested, before visibly cringing.

“I uh, think we would have noticed a ghost on Mother Base by now, Lamb.” One of the Intel members saved her from embarrassment. “...maybe someone tampered with the footage?”
The rest of the Intel team either gave their ideas or went to go start work as Ocelot walked up beside Lamb and took the mouse from her, rewinding the footage once more.

“What are-”

“Look.”

Ocelot zoomed in on the faintest bit of mist that seemed to form a human shape.

“....We need to tell the Boss.”

Chapter Text

“...Nobody has ANY clue? Not the Intel team, not the Combat unit, not R&D, base, medical, support. NO ONE?!”

“....Not the Ocelot unit, even.” Laughing Otter offered.

“I’M NOT ASKING ABOUT THEM.”

Kazuhira was flabbergasted as he stood with half of the Intel team, staring at the large green tractor that was nested by the landing pad of the Command Platform.

“Is this a…a threat of some sort? Rigged to explode?” He asked, after a long silence.

“We…uh…don’t know, sir.” Otter shrugged. “Lamb wanted to get you before we started to investigate it.”

“I did?” Jamming Lamb blinked, before being shoved.

“Well, I’m here now…so?”

No one moved.

“I see.” Kazuhira stepped forward, with a sigh. “Fine, I’ll do it myself.”

“Sir-” Otter stepped forward but Kazuhira lifted a hand, stopping him. He walked over to the tractor.

The back wheels were almost as big as him, and if he wanted to hoist himself into the driver’s seat, he’d have to push himself up…he flexes a hand that isn’t there and decides to shelf the idea before he gets angry. He moves to the front of the tractor and finds a logo reading Deere Corp.

“Can anyone run a background check on Deere Corp?” Kazuhira called to the group behind him; There was the sound of multiple IDroids being pulled out.

Kazuhira continued to look at the tractor before hearing the sound of wretched spurs; He turned and saw Ocelot, along with two members of his unit, walking up at a leisurely pace.

“...Do I even have to say it?” Kazuhira walked up to Ocelot.

“Not unless you want me to laugh at you.” Ocelot fired back.

“No time for that.” Kazuhira looked back at the tractor. “Intel says this appeared out of nowhere.”

Ocelot blinked. “Nowhere?”

“Nowhere.”

Ocelot let out an incredulous laugh.

“I don’t remember asking if you had anything to do with it.”

“Well, I wasn’t laughing at you s-”

“Sirs.” 

Lamb interrupted the Boss’s Banter Babies and held up her IDroid. “The company looks like a regular farming company…it’s in America though so…”

“....A message from Cipher…?” Kazuhira’s face turned grim.

“Couldn’t be. They have no clue we’re out here.” Ocelot circled the tractor, poking and prodding at most of the machinery before climbing inside and looking at the wheel; The Intel team started whispering, moving a little closer to get a good look. 

Jingle of keys, engine noise; The tractor let out a puff of smoke.

“...It works!” Ocelot swung his legs and faced Kazuhira. “Could probably drive it around base if we wanted.”

Kazuhira stared at Ocelot like he had exploded into a million kittens. “Are you serious?” 

“Yeah, as long as it has gas.”

“No, that’s not- Why are you so calm about this?!” Kazuhira demanded.

“Panicking won’t do anything.” Ocelot was musing over the inside of the tractor. “Besides, extra parts. I’ll drive this down to R&D and have them take it apart.”

Ocelot gestured to his two unit members, who exchanged glances and hopped into the tractor; They drove off and left Kazuhira and the Intel team alone.

“...I hope they hotwire it instead, it’s a cool tractor.” Lamb said.

“Get back to work, everyone.” Kazuhira grumbled.

Chapter Text

“You called, Boss- Oh.” Kazuhira couldn’t keep the frown off his face as he saw Ocelot standing with the Boss; The two of them were standing by an elevator door on the Command Platform, newly installed it seemed.

“...What is this?” Kazuhira glowered, tone unreadable.

“I had an elevator installed.” The Boss said. “I need you two to test it.”

“Test it??”

“To make sure it works.”

Kazuhira stared at The Boss. “Boss, you can’t be serious.”

“Why would I not be?”

“Miller has a point, Boss.” Ocelot spoke up. “There’s no reason to have us two specifically test-”

“Quiet.”

The two men stopped talking.

“It won’t take long. Just use the elevator.”

“...Fine.” Kazuhira grumbled, walking to the elevator and pressing the button; The doors opened. Ocelot blinked, looking between the two men for a second before stepping into the elevator with Kazuhira.

As the doors closed, Kazuhira examined the inside of the elevator; It had orange-white two toned walls, a small speaker playing music, a carpet floor that was a really ugly red and blue, metal bars to hold onto and buttons.
Ocelot’s here too, but that was an unimportant part; The speaker began to play some music.

It took about two minutes of Kazuhira standing and Ocelot adjusting his gloves before Kazuhira sighed loudly.

“What is happening around here? Hiding coffee, mysterious tractor, and now this? Is…was the Boss…no…”

“The Boss wouldn’t do something so childish, Miller.” Ocelot deadpanned.

“I’m aware.” Kazuhira breathed. “...I’m aware.”

Three minutes.

“Where does this elevator even go?” Kazuhira asked.

“...Hmm.” Ocelot hummed.

“You don’t know?”

“The Boss mentioned wanting to use the fish as a food source.”

“So it goes down? Did we build a fishing port?”

“It’d be useful.”

“Ok. You don’t know.”

Ocelot didn’t reply.

Five minutes passed; Ocelot took out his revolvers and started spinning them.

“...can you…save it for when we get out?” Kazuhira grumbled.

“They’re not loaded.” Ocelot shrugged, still spinning. “I don’t get many chances to do this.”

“Do you absolutely HAVE to do it??”

“You would deny me a small, simple joy, Miller?” Ocelot mock frowned.

“Gladly.”

“We’re allies here, you know.”

“...”

Ten minutes passed.

“What’s your favorite food, Miller?”

Kazuhira turned to Ocelot like he just kicked DD off of the base. “What?”

“Your favorite food.”

“I don’t have one.”

“Surely you must.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Why is it bad if I know?”

…

“If you asked me years ago, I would have said curry. But I don’t have one anymore.”

“Hmm…good choice.”

“...what’s yours?”

“Snakes.”

Kazuhira let out an airy scoff.

“I’m being serious.”

“I’m sure you are.”

Fifteen minutes.

“Ok what the hell is happening? Kazuhira slammed his crutch as if stomping a foot. “Where are we going? What did the button directory say?”

“....I thought you pressed the button.”

The two of them looked at the button directory; There were two buttons, one above the other, and neither of them glowed. They stared for a few seconds before Ocelot pressed the upper button and the elevator began to shake and hum.

Kazuhira suppressed a really loud growl, before turning to the wall; He was going to slam an arm against it, but paused for a second and just settled for thumping his head against the wall. Ocelot silently took out his revolver and spun it a bit faster than he normally would, expression unreadable.

After a few seconds, the elevator stopped shaking and a small chime sounded.

“Finally. We can-” Kazuhira stopped; They were back on the Command Platform, the location no different than when they started.

“...Well, I wasn’t expecting this.” Ocelot said, cold.

“...I’m going back to work. I’m talking to the boss later.” Kazuhira grumbled, storming off to do check-ins.

—-

“The location should be marked on your iDroid, Boss.” You say, watching him traverse the field.

“Thank you, Reading Eagle…Are Kaz and Ocelot really not there?” He asked.

“No, but I imagine Commander Miller had something important to do. Not often us at the Intel Platform get to speak to you like this.” You spin in your office chair, twirling your headphone wires around your finger like a schoolgirl.

“Hmm…maybe I’ll have you cover for them more often.” The Boss mused.

“Oh Boss…don’t tease me like that.” You grab a pair of binoculars and look onto the Command Platform. “I’m only here because your XOs are busy.”

You watch as Commander Miller and Instructor Ocelot walk out of the ‘elevator,’ looking very disgruntled, which meant they were raging beyond belief.

You smirk as you help the Boss extract some prisoners.

Chapter Text

You fire three rounds at the dummy and watch with satisfaction as it falls lifelessly. Smirking, you put your gun in your holster and look around the combat platform. Your shooting wasn’t bad, but you burnt through quite a bit of the cardboard dummies trying to get used to firing a one hander.

Heading to the storage area, you unlock and open the room searching for more dummies to shoot. As you navigate the dark room, would it really kill them to get some lights in here?, you realize there aren’t that many dummies in here. Your eyes widen.

…

Ocelot walked out of the intel room, kicked out by a disgruntled Commander Miller, when Radiant Cardinal drifted up in one of the on-site vehicles and sprinted up to him.

“Ocelot! Commander! Commander Ocelot! Uh…Sir!” He stammered.

“Ocelot will suffice. What is it, Cardinal?” Ocelot grumbled.

“Uh, Reading Eagle has reported that the training dummies in the Combat Platform’s storage room are missing! The two of us went to go review the security footage but it was wiped!”

“...really?” Ocelot raised an eyebrow; He considered making Miller deal with it, but he was angry enough as it was; He sighed. “Alright, I’ll come take a look.”

As Ocelot and Radiant Cardinal drove up, you dusted your uniform off and saluted, before stepping aside to let Ocelot into the storage room; The two of you followed right after.

“Man…wish we had some lights…” Cardinal muttered.

“Don’t you know, Cardinal? A good soldier can see in the dark if he just concentrates REALLY HARD.” You put your fingers to your temples, as if trying to shoot a laser out of your mind.

“Alright, Eagle, whatever!” Cardinal says, laughing.

Ocelot silently watches you both until your laughter dies, he blinks slowly before pulling out his revolver. You feel the sweat on your face go cold as he goes back to searching the dark room; Cardinal exchanges glances with you, and you both turn to look in other corners of the room when a gunshot goes off and you jump, nearly knocking a shelf over.

A net on the ceiling breaks and many training dummies fall out, some clean, most shot through.

“A good soldier is on guard 24/7, even in their own home.” Ocelot says, looking at you before turning his eyes to the dummies. “...another prank, it seems.”

Through your shot nerves and panicked glances at Cardinal, you notice that something caught Ocelot’s eye; whatever it was, he stared at it for a couple of moments before standing.

“You two are dismissed.”

“Sir?” You say.

“Leave the Combat Platform, both of you.”

You and Cardinal look at each other one final time before leaving, with you unable to shake the feeling that Ocelot’s eyes were on you.