Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"What do you mean you think the vibe is off?!"

Len had meant exactly what he said. Sharing a body for 20 odd years had its hardships, but for the most part, they could resolve anything that came up. It actually became easy after a while to forget how it all started and end the day in front of the fire with some guitar practice as usual, but the past few months had been utterly unbearable for reasons he just couldn't put his finger on. Waking up felt heavy and bleak, Frank's chatter became less of a comfort and more of an earsore, the limitations of only having half a body to control made him feel trapped and claustrophobic, and worst of all, he was starting to dislike his performance jacket. How something so pithy could switch over to verbose in a matter of weeks in such a drastic way was beyond Len. He and Frank loved that jacket. It was their thing.

... well... technically, everything was their thing. Maybe that is what it was. Sharing everything wasn't an issue, but Len thought about it... they were two halves of a person. And Frank was the smart one (which wasn't really saying anything) but... that just made him dead weight. If he was his own person, made his own decisions, learned his own lessons, he'd start to feel like he was something more than the idiot on Frank's left.

"I dunno man... it's just all janky."

"Like, how?"

"It's... I guess..." Frank began to tune the guitar as his brother stumbled over the words. "I feel bad."

"Bad?"

"A different kind of bad. I feel... wrong."

"... What? Like you made a mistake or something? It wouldn't be the first time. I'm sure if you asked Ruby for help then-"

"No! It's... I... I feel like people think I'm stupid..." As Frank saw the distress on Lens face, he decided the reply he was thinking of would not feign well with the situation. "And I know I can be but that's not the point. I think they ONLY see me as stupid."

"That's ridiculous."

"It isn't- you don't know what I'm talking about because you're like... the better one out of us."

"I am not!"

"You aaarree, Frank," Len's head lolled to the side, exasperated that his brother didn't get it, but in a way it was his fault for not having the words. "You're the one everyone says first in our names. And you're the one everyone expects to be the better songwriter."

"Who told you that?"

"Noone! I just.. I think that's why I feel weird."

"Well then just let them know you're not-"

"I can't say anything to them."

"Ugh. They're our friends, Len."

"I know but I... I don't... I can't phrase it well enough to talk about it with anyone else yet."

"Then why'd you tell me." Len furrowed his brows in disbelief when he watched Frank roll his eyes. This is exactly what he was talking about.

"Because you're my brother, stupid!"

"Ok. Sorry. I get that you feel upset that everyone thinks you're stupid."

"That's not what I-"

"And I'm sorry that I've had to be the driving force for our last album."

"What!?"

"I'm just saying maybe if you want more attention you should contribute more..."

... He regretted coming out with that the moment Len's lip started quivering. That was harsh.

"Whatever man. Just forget I said anything."

When Len gave his brother the silent treatment, he would face away and stick his nose up, face scrunched any time the blue monster spoke. He often went as far as to talk to nobody in the house, leaving Frank the responsibility to begrudgingly apologise on his behalf. Today, however, he was a new flavour of silent. Face pointed down and picking at his piercings which had been a nervous habit since the day they'd been installed. When Iris ran past them, he managed to call out a pleasant, albeit delayed, "hey!", like he was thousands of miles away. He wasn't angry at his brother. He was dejected, as well as deep in thought. And for Len, that meant it was important.

Frank tried to choke back his guilt once he noticed, he had a habit of shutting Len down when he asked stupid questions and that probably presented itself during their tiff... but it wasn't a stupid question. Len was genuinely upset. He must have really felt disregarded if he worked up the guts to say something about it. Frank just took it as petty jealousy. That was his mistake. Len shouldn't be punished for that.

Back in the garage was the only time Frank thought to bring it up again, right before they went to sleep, which, in fairness, could have been done better.

"Len..."

No reply.

"I'm sorry for not listening properly."

...

"If you really do feel like I'm... um... overshadowing you... then I can change how I go about stuff."

... "It's not overshadowing."

"Hm?"

"You're not overshadowing me. It's not even that. I'm worried people don't even think of me as my own person. I'm just the stupid head next to your normal head."

".. They don't think that."

"It's still how it feels," Len bit the inside of his cheek, pausing to think. "I don't know what to do, Frank. I don't feel... right. Like there's some totally different guy I want to be but to get there I have to change something and I don't know what."

...

Frank would have been lying to have said he didn't NOT relate. Not to the lengths of his brother, but there were those nights he had stayed awake, wondering how things might play out with four limbs in his control, a body to style how he wanted, a life that was totally his... and those few occasions, he'd thought of something. Something that struck him with so much guilt that he would have nightmares over it, his subconscious convincing him that even thinking that way would lose him his little brother for good. It just felt a little different now that he was pondering it again, because this time, it wasn't for the good of himself.

"You really feel that way, huh?"

"So bad. All the time..."

"You want it to stop, don't you?"

Len nodded, eyes latched onto the plaster of the ceiling.

Frank didn't know whether to comfort him or stick to business.

Oh... how was he meant to even say this!?

"What if there was something that could make you feel better? Like, give you the chance to reinvent yourself and stuff?"

"I'd love that. Duh."

"But it... it was gnarly. It'd change a lot of things. But it would mean you felt a bit better."

Len was not as stupid as people made him out to be. He turned over, eyes wide and mouth only just agape.

"Are you serious?"

Frank nodded.

"Oh... I don't know. I don't think it's worth it- I don't wanna, like, lose you..."

He tried to resist smiling at that, but failed. Len always did have a sentimental side.

"If it is going to make you feel better about yourself and your future or whatever, I want this just as bad as you do. Just say the word."

"Really?"

"Heh. You're my little brother. I'd do anything for ya."

***

Over years and years of trial and error with careers would normally put one on edge when it regarded the doctor before surgery. Eh. Skull Boy had enough experience. Right? Surely! He had enough tools to handle the job, and of course Poe was there to read of the medical book if he needed. Okay. It wasn't perfect, but it was all they had. And what they had was good enough.

The anaesthesia was clunky and took a few good tries to work, but eventually managed to take effect, although... in the woozy semi-conscious seconds, the twins began to panic. It was permanent. They might regret this. They might never get along the same. If R.I.P. fell apart, there'd be nothing to fall back on... but it was too late. Besides, Frank thought before going under, this was all for his brother.

The only thing to cease their worrying was the medicine finally knocking them out...

...

....

.....

Ugh...

He had the urge to stretch...

He did.

Oh. That felt really weird. REALLY weird. He pushed himself up on the table, eyes wide and looking around. He wasn't even sure if he was looking for anything in particular, but the wake-up-call that came with his shock wasn't a bad thing.

"Yeah... sorry it isn't perfect. We had to use other skin and organ donors and the instructions were written really... complicated... but, uh, at least you're alive?"

...

Woah.

Len was awake. He could wave his arm, just like usual, but... he had another. And another leg. Both mimicking his own, perfectly, and when he put his effort into only the new two, they moved alone. Well, yes, it was only slightly, but they moved, shook, waved, spun: anything Len would want to say they did. They worked.

He looked over to Frank... and, admittedly, felt a little sick. He'd never seen his brother from that angle before. Or that distance... but the thing that shook him most was his side, mirroring Len's own. Skin grafts up and down their brand new arms that matched their brothers' tones and hues, eyes shut and still bracing for the results of the operation... But they had been made two.

"... Len? You sure you're alright?" Skull Boy asked, Poe peeking over his shoulder. Well, it was a stupid question. Of course he was alright.

He was his own person.

Chapter Text

When Frank woke up, Len got to watch him have an identical reaction. He tested out his own new appendages, bending his elbow back and forth a few times, looked around, then his eyes landed on his brother.

"Good morning!"

Poe and Skull Boy had taken the cue for a break a little while before. It was just the brothers. That was probably better: Poe would be going on and on about how their work was art, and Skull Boy's weird accent impression would totally kill the mood... and because for the first time in his life, Len got to ACTUALLY, clearly see the face his brother pulled for that split second where he failed to cover his concern.

"Are you okay?" Frank followed up, face stoic again. Len tried to push himself up again, swinging his legs over the side of the table to stretch.

"Look!" He beamed, kicking his leg back and forth- it would take some getting used to, obviously, but it was his. He already felt better.

"Yeah..." Frank tried to sit up, slipping a little under his own new arm which wasn't quite as strong as he anticipated. "Mine isn't working as well as yours."

"Yes it is! Just wave it around a bit." He did, stretching it out, opening/closing his fingers and flipping it over.

"The skin looks kinda weird, doesn't it?"

"I think that's normal before it heals."

"Ohh... we're gonna need to relearn how to play, Len."

Well, obviously, Len thought. Frank clearly hadn't thought this through- wait.

"You aren't regretting it, are you?" The green monster felt his head warm up with panic- he didn't want to ruin his brothers life just to feel  bit better about himself. That wasn't fair.

"O- No! No way!" Frank held his hand up. "I'm happy that... um..."

...

"Well it'll need some getting used to. But it'll be great! And it's gonna be really good for you, Len."

The younger of the two smiled up at him, grateful. It was a just little hard to accept that he'd do this just for Len and be okay with it.

As predicted, Poe and Skull Boy immediately went on and on after they came back in with two cups of tea, talking about how smoothly it all went and how it was so hard but through teamwork they got through it or something. It was a little annoying that they told the brothers what to do to stay safe right at the end of that big speech, handing them crutches to lean on until they got used to the new balance. Unfortunately, especially shown on Frank's face, it probably would be a while until they got the full motor control of their fingers, so shredding would be out of the question for a good while. That was annoying, and Len admittedly let out an audible protest too. Other than that, though, the issues and aftercare didn't seem like such a big deal.

One of the first things he did the moment he got back to the garage was sit down cross-legged for the first time and slap that signature flame-print tape onto the leg of his crutches- he didn't know exactly how long he was gonna need them, but the time wasn't important. It looked cool. Fit his brand. Frank, however, seemed a little less concerned with the aesthetics.

"This is so bogus." He mumbled under his breath, getting his footing while pacing across the tiled floor.

"I think he said we'd get used to it soon," Len reassured as he ripped the tape with his teeth. "And it won't be forever. You did listen to them, didn't you?"

"Ugh, of course I did. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about right now."

"Yeah, I just thought... eh. No, you're right, it does feel a bit funny."

"We're gonna have to buy new shoes. And other stuff."

"Ohhhh!" That actually sounded fun. Probably a little hard on their funds but Len had been looking for an excuse to try something new for a while. The last laundry day he mostly found himself scrunching his nose up at everything. It was just boring now- there was a reason he had to put those twists and customs onto their outfits. He finished smoothing off the flame deco and stickers and used the crutch to prop himself up on that new half, stretching a little, trying to find the comfiest place to hold it and walk over to his brother. "What do you think?"

Frank couldn't keep complaining while his younger sibling proudly showed off their decorated mobility aid.

"Heh. Nice one."

***

In the adaptation period, both of them became  a lot clumsier, which was saying something. It was sort of difficult holding things for a while, their new arms being a little shaky from lack of experience, but it was at that stage where there was enough motor control in their hands to pick easy chord progressions, and Frank was obviously thrilled about that. He spent most evenings remastering the guitar; it left the pair to realise that they weren't either fully articulate at it on their own. Since they were kids they'd taught themselves to technically play one-handed: Frank with the picks and Len with the frets. He still sounded decent though, for someone who hadn't had a real go at chord progressions before. Probably because that was the easier thing to do... there were those times where Frank would make Len do more labour-based tasks because he "needed to rest his picking hand" which made sense. Those times had been a little achy to play, but it probably would have been worse if his brother was in pain. That was one of the reasons Len hadn't picked up his own guitar for a little while. Frank was the musically inclined one of them, if he tried to relearn the whole thing (at least where it could be heard) it'd just make him look stupid. Maybe he should have just sucked it up and stuck to what they knew. It'd have been easier for everyone, really. And he hadn't yet noticed any difference in how he felt, or how his brother treated him. He mocked something stupid he apparently did as recently as earlier that day.

Obviously, he didn't want to sound ungrateful- It was really really liberating to be his own person but... he felt a bit stupid to think that level of disregard would go down after they had space. Perhaps he'd assumed Frank acted like that because of temper? He'd be snappy if he was tied to his own head all the time... but it couldn't have been that.

"Len? Can you come in here for a sec, man?"

Exactly like then, when Len tensed up, knowing that it was super likely he was gonna screw up in front of his big brother again and get that typical eye roll. Eh, he was gonna get that either way, he thought as he picked himself up onto his crutch again.

"Sounds good Frank!" He still struck that huge silly grin when he walked in.

"Thanks, dudeee..." Frank mumbled, tuning one of the strings. "Hey, uh, I was just gonna ask if you wanted to like, play somethin'."

"Now?"

"Yeah! You haven't picked up your guitar in weeks. You're gonna lose your skill."

What skill?

"Okay! Um... do you know where my guitar is?" Frank slapped a hand to his forehead.

"I dunno, Len... maybe you don't know where it is 'cuz you don't have one?"

"Oh yeah... I'll grab the performance one then!" He grinned again, running over to the two-headed instrument and only slightly losing his footing. "Can you help me get used to playing two-handed?"

"Uhh... I can try. It takes a lot of control though, so just bear with me for a while," Len nodded at his brother, swinging the guitar strap over his shoulder and holding it... how did he usually hold it? Against his hip? No, that felt weird. When Frank was playing on his side they sort of... almost... um...

He decided to stop adjusting it when he realised how it probably looked. Just hold it. This is gonna feel weird, he told himself as his older brother handed him a pick.

"Try that out, you're not gonna be doing any complicated riffs yet so don't worry, there's, like, absolutely no pressure. Just strum it up and down-" He demonstrated. "Like that,"

Len copied. Cool.

"And then if you want to change it a bit you don't have to go up and down, or... well, you'll get the hang of it." Frank grinned at him, before starting to play his own- he'd learned a few basic chords, and it looked like he was trying to get the gist of switching frets as fast as possible.

"Loosen your hand."

"Hm?"

"You're like, clutching it. Noone's gonna take it from you," Len demonstrated now, pushing Frank's finger a little lower on the fret to make it more reachable. "You can slide into D from that and it won't feel as much of a pain."

"Oh... thanks, Len!" He played again, doing as instructed. The younger brother beamed, proud to have given him some advice- good advice- and suddenly got that hit of enthusiasm he usually got when holding a guitar. It was like second nature for a split second, and that was enough he needed to get back into it: oh, strumming was actually kinda fun! He kept listening for his brother's chord progressions; once he got a hold of the sort of thing Frank was going for the artistic liberties came spilling out, sliding his hand down the fretboard and pushing the strings around to make that sick twang he always begged to include in their music. He was finding it more comfortable now, holding the two-headed instrument at his hip and holding his tongue between his teeth in focus. So focused that he didn't notice his brother looking over his shoulder.

"Len- slow down!"

He didn't register the command over the amp's vibrations.

"LEN!"

The older of the two kicked the amp, causing the speakers to splutter and break Len out of that hyperfocus.

"Hey- don't bust my amp!"

"I told you to slow down, I can't- you're way off the tempo."

"Oh... sorry... hey, what was the tempo? I thought you were strumming 95bpm-ish?" Apparently that was also a stupid question, maybe. His brothers' face was pretty unreadable.

"Ugh, just... follow my lead? Okay? I'm the lead."

Len scoffed, looking away, but didn't complain when Frank started again. He definitely hadn't been in the wrong key so he didn't know what his problem was. Whatever... copying Frank exactly was boring. He was practicing. That's literally what he said. It was just that practicing was boring, and meant his mind drifted off again, back to the way he was standing, holding his guitar a little too on-the-left. It felt really weird. Not even just the new way of playing but the whole thing.

He hated it. He hated having his own body to look after and use and all the normal stuff. That had been why he decorated himself with ink and metal, desperately trying to feel like someone he knew was in there, just... not on the outside. He'd always assumed he never felt whole because of his brother's side, but that was officially debunked now. It was his own side that he'd resented then and resented now. Everything just felt so wrong.

"Don't get huffy with me, Len."

He looked up, blinking the sting out of his eyes.

"What?"

"I just told you to slow down. There's no reason to give me the cold shoulder you diva." Len had actually turned away because he felt like he was going to cry. Of course he shouldn't expect his brother to care.

"Shut up, Frank."

"H-hey! What's your damage, man?!"

"You're just... annoying." He was still refusing to look his brother in the face because his lip was quivering.

"Where's all this coming from!? I didn't do anything, Len, stop acting like such a child."

"You know what?" Len pulled the guitar off his neck and shoved it into his brother's hand. "Maybe you'll get better at fretting if you try it on two heads. I'm outta here."

He would have ran out of there before Frank could have the last word but he still wasn't great with his balance, so storming out and slamming the garage door would have to suffice.

"LEN!"

Obviously he ignored his brother all the way to the mansion's front door. Thankfully the heavy door blocked his stupid yelling. Len kept his head down, eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed as he crossed the great hall, accidentally very closely bumping into Ruby.

"Hey, Len- um..." She could obviously see that he was miserable. He just really didn't want to hear anything about the brightside right now. "You okay?"

He sniffed, manoeuvring past her towards the nearby bathroom, throwing the door open, planning to stay in there for an hour at least.

"If Frank comes looking for me, tell him to drop un-dead."

"Woah!"

He was acting like a little bit of a child, he could admit that, slamming the door and making a point of locking it loudly. Maybe he was acting out for attention, he thought to himself as he caught an involuntary glimpse at the extravagant gothic mirror, narrowly resisting throwing something at it and choosing to kick the bathmat instead. He was stupid. Frank was stupid. Everyone and everything was stupid. The bathroom floor was stupid, but he still sunk down against the door, praying that nobody else bothered him for a good few days.

Chapter Text

When you don't want to be disturbed, it feels like everyone wants to bug you. Ruby wasn't blind with optimism, there were times when she was fully aware that her friends needed some time away from it all, so when Frank came looking just as promised, it didn't seem fair to tell the truth... for once.

"Heyy, Ruby, you haven't seen Len, have you?" Inside the bathroom, he tensed up at hearing his brother's question. "I need to talk to him."

Pfft, no you don't, he thought to himself. What was there to say. He was the one who ruined the whole jam session.

"Oh... hm..." He heard the girl's voice, soft and thoughtful as it usually was. "I haven't seen him- maybe he went toward the kitchen?"

"Ugh, typical. Thanks, Ruby."

The loud, obnoxious stomp of his brothers' vans got quieter and quieter as he seemed to exit the hall, followed by a polite rapping on the hardwood door.

"He's gone.." She said, barely just loud enough to be heard through the door.

Len wasn't really sure if he wanted to believe her. It wasn't like she was a liar, but his brother was stubborn, and the moment any sound of his voice was heard that stupid argument would start up again.

...

"It's okay! I promise."

The green monster, quietly as he could make it, picked himself up and unlocked the door, cracking it open very very slightly, still using it to hide behind while Ruby pushed herself in too. God, he felt so stupid. SO stupid. He was the one who started this whole thing and here he was, crying over the problem he'd created. When his friend turned to look at him, red eyebags darker than usual, her bottom lip stuck out a little. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

He didn't sell it very well, slumping back down onto the tile.

"Little sibling rivalry, huh?"

...

"It might help to get it off your chest, Len," Ruby grinned, sitting across from her friend with her legs folded politely. Well... Ruby did always seem to want the best. It wasn't like she was a gossip machine or anything: that was good. Len usually didn't mind the house seeing their stupid scenes, but this time it felt, in a way he couldn't track, sort of embarrassing. Like, it was his fault really. It wasn't Frank who made him like... this...

...

"I don't actually know what's wrong..." He pondered aloud. "It isn't Frank- usually when it is Frank I know exactly what he did, but I think..." Ruby waited for him to continue, but the trail had come to an end there, clearly.

"But I thought I heard you arguing? You're not upset about anything he said?"

"No. I don't think so. I'm just, like, weirded out."

Huh. Ruby had prepared a whole 'He's family, he loves you' speech, but this was a side of Len unfamiliar to the bright side's ambassador. "Weirded out?"

"Ughh," His head dropped, shaggy black hair flopping over his eyes. Len wasn't the wordy type. He never had been. "I've ruined our lives, Ruby."

"Wha- how?"

"He asked if it would make me feel better if we were separated. So I was like "yeah probably" but I was, like, super wrong."

"Oh..."

"I've wasted everyone's time. I wasted SkullBoys time, and Poe, and you, a-and Frank deserves to never talk to me again because I was super selfish and now we can't even be in a band now-"

"I'm sure none of that is true, even if your doubt tells you it..."

"But you can't say I didn't make everything go all crazy. Just because I was stupid enough to think I could like myself for ONCE!"

The words were starting to actually mean something now, and they both felt it. Len had that red hot negativity spiking in the back of his head as he kept pouring it out, like that was just one last resort for it all to be over.

"I really thought that it was gonna be better when I was without Frank because I'd finally be there to do something other than be laughed at by him because I'm SO DUMB but now I- it's like- he was the half of me that was the good half. And I didn't feel half-bad because of him, I felt half-bad because of me and now I feel whole bad and I- I..." He was making no sense. Ruby was obviously trying to keep up, but her face clearly was begging for clarification, so Len just huffed and slumped down further before he could make a bigger fool of himself. "I think I was made wrong."

"Len..."

"I must have been, right? They messed up my brain or something. Or used all the wrong parts..."

He sniffed. Ugh, it burned a little, he thought as Ruby just leant closer and pat his arm. He was expecting a bright side to be revealed any second, but all he got was his friend clicking her own teeth.

"I... I don't really know what to say, Len. But what I do know is that you haven't ruined anything for anyone," She grasped his hands, determined to find his silver lining. "You aren't stupid, or wrong, or bad, or any horrible thing. You're just feeling a little down! And that's totally normal!"

He sniffed.

"I dunno, Ruby. I've been feeling "down" for a while now."

He had? Ruby thought, trying to keep that smile secure. He always seemed so high energy! How much had he been tucking away before now?

"But a long time doesn't mean forever!" She tapped her chin. "How about we take some baby steps... what DOES make you feel good about yourself?"

"Uhhhhh..." It was a pretty difficult answer to find. "Well I got to show Frank how to do chords and stuff earlier. That was cool... a-and I still like my shoes!" As soon as that left his mouth, he started burning up. Of COURSE that wasn't what Ruby was asking for.

"That's great!"

"It is?!"

"Yeah! Clearly, you must know that you're skilled, so your guitar will always be something to rely on..." That wasn't not true! Before his brother's order to keep to the pace, playing again had been the only thing that really felt good! Why had he steered away from it for weeks? Ruby was right too: he DID have skill! Um- he hoped... "And... hm... this may sound silly, but you were the one who picked out your shoes, right?"

"Yeah! They had to be platforms cuz I was giving us scoliosis or somethin'."

"What else do you have that you picked?" Hm... he had his sunglasses. And jewellery, and he helped design their performance jacket, although the weird shape and leather he could take or leave.

"Accessories, mostly. It's hard to find clothes when you have two heads," Ruby grinned at him, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"You don't have two heads anymore."

It took a while, Len staring blankly at her before gasping in understanding.

"Oh!"

"Hehe... hey! I know it probably won't solve all your problems, but me, Iris and Misery are heading out tomorrow! If it makes you feel better, you should totally come with us!"

Woah. That offer made him feel floaty almost, like, super elated. But he wasn't really used to being invited to stuff on his own, and that sorttt of sounded like a private girls day that he'd heard about. His housemates weren't the kind to exclude, but still...

"Are you sure that's alright?"

"Yeah! I can swing it by them to see what they think but they love you, Len! I'm sure they'll be thrilled!"

Ruby felt a twinge of pride when her friend regained that sparkle. There really always was a solution, no matter how it presented itself.

Chapter Text

"We're all going out tomorrow!" Ruby announced loudly in the kitchen once she was certain her bummed-out best friend was back in the garage, much to the twos surprise.

"Really? Where?" Iris replied, seemingly preoccupied as she usually was.

"Gloomsville centre, you guys are both free right?"

"Umm..." Misery hummed. "I was sort of planning to check all my rainfall meters, Ruby. Besides, tomorrow is a Friday. It's gonna be packed."

"And I got a warning from security or something for using my spring shoes last time!"

"Oh... pleeeaase?!" Ruby clasped her hands together, then dashed toward the door again making sure they weren't being listened in on. "It's kinda... important."

"What, do you need more wool or something?" Iris still wasn't out of breath from jumping in place this whole time. "I swear you only picked up that new supply last week!"

"No, actually it's..." The coast was clear. "It's for Len. I think he needs a bit of cheering up."

The girls paused their moping and jumping to look over to their friend.

"Len? Our friend Len? In the garage?"

"Isn't he loving the surgery thing?"

Ruby sighed.

"I... I sorta don't want to get into it when he doesn't want me to but... not as much as he hoped," She came back over and perched on a chair. "He's just a little underwhelmed and I think he's taking it personally."

"Oh, poor Len!" Iris finally paused, slipping into the chair opposite her friend.

"I just think we could help give him a hand. Make this new body feel as "Len" as it can be. He's never really had anything to himself before and when I had a chat with him earlier he mentioned something about choosing his own clothes. It's a step, right?"

The banshee stayed slumped over herself, tapping the jewellery on her fingers; of all of them (being that she was a member of his band) Misery and Len were probably the two to spend most time together.

"I was wondering what his deal was lately. I know they couldn't play guitar for a while but he seems sulky. It's kind of a bummer."

"...Are you coming?"

"I just said I was."

"Me too! I need to get new elbowpads!"

The ragdoll clapped, beaming at her two friends- but added one more thing.

"Oh, and we have to make him think we were going out anyway."

"Hm? Why?"

"I told him we were. I guess I was worried he'd say no if I only made plans for him..." Ruby shrugged. Although that wasn't entirely far off.

Anyone to really take notice of their friend's... mannerisms would know surely that Len hated causing scenes, issues, anything of the sort. He could have his dreams crushed right in front of him and still reply with "well, at least you're okay, Ruby." Or whoever were to be there. God knows how upset he must have been to storm off as he did prior... so Ruby was probably in the right to make sure he didn't feel like an inconvenience. Maybe that was down to his brother too. Frank usually did the talking, got all the attention, made all the crazy announcements without checking in with anybody- but that didn't seem to bother Len for the most part. His brother just talked a lot. That was fine. Everyone in the house knew that was sort of their thing anyway: from the start, Len had a habit of getting his brother to speak for him, whispering what he wanted to be known or just tapping him on the sleeve, at least until he'd adjusted to the rest of the gang. Misery was similar.

She'd been a bit of an outlier in the group at first introduction too. Being a walking lightning rod took some getting used to being around, but she was really perky, honestly! Well, after a while. But she got Len. She did. She understood why he kept to himself and sort of shyed away from carrying conversations. She got a little annoyed when the group would gasp at him slipping up with misjudged comments. She got especially annoyed when they instructed him to "use his inside voice" or "stop fidgeting" or to save the topic of rodents because "it didn't matter at the moment." Maybe because she knew if things were a tiny bit different, that's the end she'd be on too.

So Misery could tell that whatever was eating at him was something out of that ballpark entirely. They had this silent solidarity in a way. She'd be surprised if he kept the root of the issue from her.

And of course, she was right about it being packed. But if there was one thing the house was brilliant at, it was not listening to her. Whatever. This wasn't meant to bring the mood down, so she saved her eye rolls for a more private circumstance.

At least Ruby and Iris seemed to be enjoying themselves. Those two could go on and on and on, which was actually quite enjoyable for the two trekking a few steps behind. They usually listened in on conversations; only piping up when they had to greatly decreased the chances of missing the mark. He didn't look like he was having as much fun as Ruby had promised.

"This reminds me of you," Misery said, pointing him towards a tiny cardboard packet containing a kind of friendship bracelet, yellow and red with a (most likely fake) gold star charm. It was small, but it was something. The store they were in was mostly gothic dresses, so Len was very clearly out of place. "It sort of goes with your shoes."

"Ooh... really?"

"And you have two arms now. You can choose which one you wanna wear it on."

"Hey, yeah!" He grinned, taking it and switching it from hand to hand. "And you could get a blue one so we can match!" Misery stared blankly back at him. "Or.. no, don't worry, it isn't really your style."

...

"I can probably keep it under my gloves," Another bracelet was pulled off the display, navy and purple with a silver charm clasped around it. The minimal sacrifice to her aesthetic wasn't important. Len's little toothy smile was worth it. And the bracelets were cute.

Len liked cute. Although, it wasn't too often that he was seen indulging in that kind of thing, most likely to save face for his brother, who was desperate to have this "cool and mysterious" performance persona, something he got REALLY defensive of sometimes and in many such cases she'd seen it first hand. Misery was in their band too, after all. Well, when they needed a vocalist. And she wasn't tending to four fractured limbs.

Actually, Ruby hadn't left in the specifics of why her bandmate was feeling crummy, but she could piece it together from experience. Family clashes were sort of her specialty.

"Is Frank being weird to you again?"

"Again?"

"Yeah. You seem really down. Is he trying to get you to be all mopey on your album cover again?"

"Heh, um... no..." He fidgeted with his hands, picking off his nail polish to avoid looking at her directly. "I just... well... maybe? I sort of yelled at him because I was upset and he was just... he didn't really do anything."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah! He's... just... I think he's having a rough time being separated. I mean, he loves having privacy! But he complains a lot. And it makes me feel bad..."

"But he knew what he was getting into. It's what was best for you, right?"

Len went quiet.

"I don't think so.." He looked up at her, head hung like he was ashamed. "I don't feel good being on my own," The banshee tilted her head. "I- I already talked to Ruby and I just don't feel right. I don't feel good. It kinda feels like I'm made up of all the wrong parts and now I'm starting to feel like if I'm not half of.. well.. you know, what me and Frank were in the first place, then I'm not really..." Misery furrowed her eyebrows as she listened, watching Len bite his tongue as he thought for a second. "Myself."

She was quiet, in thought. His words sat heavy for her, but she didn't really have a prepared response. At least not yet. Maybe being in public wasn't the best place to discuss this anyway. It seemed like Len needed a good unpacking session.

"Hey guys!!! Are you ready to pay?!"

Before any further words could be exchanged, the two snapped their heads up at Iris' voice. She and Ruby had already lined up by the register. Of course. She loved them to bits but they always had to rush them, huh. Misery shrugged at Len, before nudging him along with her elbow, matching packets in hand.

"Hehe," Iris eyed them, snorting in her normal playful manner. "Is that all you're getting?"

"I.. um... didn't really look at much."

"Oh... I guess we could have chosen somewhere else..." Ruby looked up, only just seeming to notice that it may not have been the same for Len as the rest of them.

"It's okay! I like it here!"

"Really?"

"Yeah... I just, y'know, I'm not really allowed to try anything on." He laughed to himself, only for the girls to look on with puzzled expressions.

"Not... allowed?"

"Everything's for girls."

"I mean, yeah, but if you wanted you can still look at it!" Iris beamed at him, swaying from one foot to the other. "I wear boy clothes sometimes."

"I- do you?"

"Was there something you did actually wanna get?"

He could feel his face flush. He just felt stupid, but there was, actually. He'd sort of subconsciously tried not to acknowledge it but there was this cropped reddish denim jacket in the corner of the store; he'd always wanted something like that to customise with pins and paint and stuff like he'd seen before, but it'd been hard to find a two-necked one... but...

"Um... you pay, I'm just gonna..." He mumbled, before running and grabbing it. He really liked that dark-red.. and the way the sleeves were kind of pinned up. He usually cuffed his jeans too because they felt weird otherwise... but double denim was always a bit of a no so he'd have to find something else to go with it. Shorts maybe. Later. Right now, this was all he was willing to do. It was weird how nervous he was to actually buy this. It was just clothes.

Still, when he had, it made him happy. And Ruby promised to help him customise it once they were back at the house. He'd probably need to buy some flame patches now to go with the bracelet Misery had tied onto (for what was the first time) his right arm.

Chapter Text

The cut of the jacket was a little different from what Len had usually been known to wear, resting just below his ribcage with the band tees he layered underneath them falling at his hip level. It made him look taller, sort of. He liked it. Especially once he set out to do what he'd always been meaning to- his punk-leaning side was not something he was quiet about, but Frank had made it very adamantly clear that if they were going to have a performance outfit, it was going to be the matching studded leather piece that looked professional or whatever. Not anymore. He'd wanted a battle-jacket since he was a tween.

Ruby was right about sewing being a little hard to get the hang of, and even though she'd shown her friend the important stuff like how to end and start a stitch, and tricks to make threading the needle easier, Len had still suffered through some pricks on the hand. At the minute, what was splashed on the denim was a dark red and white paint splatter across the back, two sew-on patches and some pins he and Frank had picked up at old gigs they went to. Ones Len had absolutely been thrilled at, and it was really sweet of Frank to bounce off of his energy even though he was clearly not the greatest fan of the rhythm and mixing. He was his big brother, after all, and he let Len be Len when it came to living their lives.

That was all he'd managed to scrape together for now. Sure, it looked a little bare at the minute, but he had a vision; it would involve a good few trips to the craft store, but he lived in Gloom Manor (or, well... on the grounds, at least). His housemates made trips to that place like it was church. As he held his handiwork up in front of him, proud beaming and chewing on his bottom lip like he tended to do when he got excited, he already saw it all coming together. That front pocket could use some safety pins, red ones, if possible. And he knew there were some patches you could iron onto material which would be super handy once he figured out how to use the appliance. Ohhh, maybe he could paint the RIP logo onto the arm. Frank would love that!

It was a relief to finally put it on and realise that, thank God, he hadn't left any needles half-stuck in the fabric. It felt good, comfy, and he wasn't sure why but the way it sorta made the band shirt crease around him felt... correct. Weirdly. He didn't have any feelings on the way things sat before but suddenly he felt really weird. Well, like he had been a lot, recently. Ugh, having your own body was a lot of work.

"How's this looking!?" He leapt into the great hall, spinning on his platforms so that his audience got a good look at what he'd done.

"Ooh..." The first response didn't seem too positive. "Hey, don't worry Len, I spill paint on my clothes all the time. Good old fabric soap will get that out no problem!"

"Wha- noooo, Skulls it's meant to be there." He replied, loosing his footing and hunching over a little.

"Exactly! It's a stylistic choice!" Ruby smiled over at them both. "It looks absolutely lovely, Len! Especially for your first time sewing..."

The ragdoll took a few steps towards him, lifting his arm to examine the threading.

"Oh! Oh oh oh! I know what this is, it's like, one of those custom things, like where you cut them up and then stitch them back on so it looks all rugged!" Iris squealed, clearly being on the side of liking it.

"It suits you." Misery only glanced up from her book for a second, but Len could have burst into tears. It did, huh..

It really did.

So much so that whenever he walked past his reflection, he'd started turning to stupid angles to see the paint on the back, stretching his arms out in front of him because he loved the length of it... he felt like Frank. Speaking of...

"Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, Frank, I wanna show you something!"

They hadn't really fixed the last... altercation. Len was out of there and that was that, but it hadn't been the first time that's happened; Frank would move onto the next subject like their little rehearsal incident never even took place.

He did not give his brother time to react before barging in through the garage door, arms up (and slightly tripping but Frank probably didn't see).

"Woah- heyyy, that's awesome!" Frank had been tuning their bass, something he had been trying to reintroduce into his skillset too, and propped it up to the side when his twin entered, obviously giddy with excitement and desperate for attention. "You made that yourself?"

"Yeah! I've been doing it for, like, two hours! I'm gonna add all our band merch and stuff so it'll be good when we're on stage!"

"Ohh... you don't wanna keep matching?" There was a little waver in his brother's voice there, and it sort of made him feel a bit... evil.

"No? I didn't say that. We'll still wear the matching undershirts and have the logo on our clothes... that's matching!"

"I guess..." Frank seemed hesitant, but it only lasted half a second before he looked up at his twin. "Actually, no, you're totally right."

"You mean it?"

"Yeah, man. Like, think about it. It really reflects how ya feel and think and all that. I'll keep the whole greaser vibe goin' on and you can be this cool messy freak," He paused, realising what he said may have been an insult. "In a good way, I mean. Like a punk way."

Len had taken it as a compliment before the clarification anyway.

"Dude, killer. It really suits ya. Weirdly enough..." The blue monster smiled, raising an eyebrow. "Why'd you choose a girl jacket, though?"

...

"Because I liked it."

He hadn't meant to be so defensively blunt. Frank wasn't insulting him. It was only a question.

"Woah- ok man. Chill out. I'm just sayin' weird choice. Not a bad one though."

Len found himself exhaling in a way that was only teetering on seething. What was wrong with it?

...it looked stupid. He knew it did. They were all lying to him.

Frank seemed to realise the nerve he'd struck. But classic Frank fashion wasn't to be therapeutic with his words, it was to say them, and then feel bad about it at a later hour.

"Dude, why are you being weird."

"Just... whatever."

"What- man, why do you keep doing this!?"

"I'm not doing anything!"

"You keep stormin' out on me! I'm sorry if I said something stupid, okay, but it's a reasonable silly question!"

"Well... I... You don't get it!"

"There's nothing to GET, Len, you're just being mad for the sake of being mad! I said you look good, because you literally do. Why are you upset."

"Because I'm not a- I... I don't know! Okay! I don't have any idea!"

...

Frank had a flitter of understanding in his face there. Maybe if Len stayed for a second longer, they could have actually resolved something for once.

It was just that, in the moment, he really didn't want his brother to watch him get upset over something even he admitted didn't even make sense.

Taking it off after being so happy with himself all day felt like a humiliation ritual, like he was admitting defeat to something, and his skin felt like it was bubbling with embarrassment, especially as he glanced down inside the article. Yeah. It was clear in the label. It's for girls. It's a stupid jacket for stupid girls and he was stupid for playing dress up in it all day.

And that stupid tag specifically was making him feel like shit. FOR WHAT.

Why was it that he felt so BAD all the time lately. Why did everything everyone said to him make him feel like he should disappear, why didn't he like anything he used to like, why was he so WRONG.

That had to be it. That was the one thing consistent to this whole spiral. He was wrong. He was built wrong. He was the one that crazy scientist had to add to his brother because they would have died otherwise or something lame like that. He was never meant to live as one person.

The back of his throat felt dry all of a sudden, and that ringing in his ears didn't help the pounding pressure that was being hammered into his skull: Oh god, not this shit again.

Everything just... seemed to pile. No matter what he did or what wellness exercises Poe and Ruby suggested, he always seemed to be tipped over the edge by something. Stupid things, like the way a guitar pick felt in his hand. Or feeling like he was trapped in some alien outer shell that wasn't even his. That would do it.

Almost as if he was trying to stop the headache, the ringing, the pressure in the back of his head and weird buzz in his entire nervous system, Len pushed his face into his palms and let out a sort of guttural hum. It was fruitless to ease anything, of course, but it's all he could actually do. He hated being like this, and he'd told his brother that straight up multiple times. Frank would always insist that he was just as he was meant to be, and if anything about him changed, he wouldn't be the same Len. He wouldn't be Frank's younger twin. Of course Frank would say that. Even though they'd been attached, he wasn't the one of the pair who had to deal with how it actually felt... but it was nice to have him there. It made Len sure that it wasn't going to end like it felt like it would.

And usually when he could feel one of these coming, Frank was right there.

He wasn't this time.

Ruby sent Misery up to call Len in for dinner about an hour later. At that point, she found her friend hunched over in a tiny nook of the crypt, face half-buried in a pillow with eyeliner streaking down his face. He didn't react when she came in.

...

She was clumsy, especially with the terrible posture she usually carried, and it was mirrored as she gracelessly ducked down and sat next to him with her legs crossed. She didn't feel like it would be the best thing to strike up a conversation. So she didn't.

Ruby probably got a little perplexed that instead of collecting a plus-one, Misery seemed to have uninvited herself from the meal entirely. They must have sat there in solidarity for a good few minutes, but she thought it would be good for her friend to know that she wasn't just gonna leave him right now. He seemed to be looking for something that he wasn't getting as of late. Which felt awful, she would know.

He whispered into the pillow after a little more time. Misery could only just make it out.

In hindsight, what Len confessed to her made a lot of sense.