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"You can't leave me."
Harry doesn't answer; it's nothing he hasn't heard before.
Sirius stands in the corner, observing, and Harry isn't looking at him, but he doesn't have to, he already knows what volatile desperation looks like on Sirius' face. He wishes he didn't, wishes he could wash off the pain and the frustration the way he cleans off spilled whisky every night; he is well versed in that.
"I'll stop drinking," he says. "I'll never touch another bottle."
"Sure," Harry snorts, throwing another shirt at the bag on the bed.
Sirius startles him badly, roughly taking the bag from him and throwing it at the wall with an angry shouted, "Would you fucking listen to me!" He grabs Harry by the shoulders and pushes him toward the bed. "Listen to me, Harry."
"I'm listening," Harry says, but there is a tremble in his voice now. He sits up, rubbing his upper arms and ignoring the sting of his hands brushing over his tender skin. Bruised, like old fruit that has been squeezed to see if it's good enough and left to rot when it turns out it isn't.
Sirius is pacing. He is a wild, unpredictable animal, pushed into a corner.
He waits.
"Leave me and I'll kill us both," Sirius says, voice pitched low.
"Do it," Harry whispers back. "End it." He gasps, flinching and lifting his hand to his cheek. He pushes his fingertips into his skin, and he feels high and dizzy. It's a familiar feeling. "End us, Sirius," he giggles. "I'm ready. Are you?"
"Shut the fuck up," Sirius snaps.
Harry can't stop laughing. "End us," he says. "Please," he says and his breathing catches in his throat. "Please," he says, his laughter abruptly shifting into a wheezing sob. "I can't do this anymore, I'm so tired," he cries. "I'm so fucking tired, Sirius."
"You don't know what you're saying," Sirius says. He is calm now, because the danger of Harry potentially leaving has passed and they both know it. "Don't cry, baby, I love you, I've got you." He sits down beside him and pulls him close, rubbing his back until Harry too has calmed down. Then he says, "I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to hurt you. You just... you make me so angry sometimes, you know? Fuck, I love you, you're everything to me, but you can't do that."
His kiss is sweet.
Some poisons taste sweet before they kill you.
~fin.