Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

   They made it to the dock, all in silence as they sat and thought back to what happened on that island. All the killing and betrayal and greed. All the deceit and loss and loneliness.
   Coming back here felt like it was just some abandoned memory being lived through a dream. It made Phil feel sick to his stomach. The cold air as the sun was getting closer to the horizon was prickly and dragging down most of their bones.
   Some people couldn’t hold themselves together long enough to even get home before they sobbed, it made Phils ears and heart twitch as he listened to Bagi’s hoarse screaming sobs being gently assured by Roier best he could. They both lost so much that Phil thought he was feeling the loss for them as well.
   His son and daughter didn’t return with them, Cellbit and Baghera stayed behind and Phil felt anger burn like a desire in his eyes and chest. But he took quick charge because he felt he had too.

   He led Bolas, He led even Green teams leader, he was listened to by Blue teams leader. Phil held the highest authority until all went to normal and he would take it if it meant they all would live. Phil would be the leader he learned to be and more.
  He was quick to instruct Tubbo, Etoiles, Foolish, and Fit to help him herd everyone like animals to the closest warp stone, Fit and Foolish would go with them to One of a few of the bigger yet safer homes in Quesadilla. Fit was Backup, Foolish would lead. And they did that until it was just them 5 and the rest of Bolas, of at least what was left of it..
   It was just Phil, Etoiles, Tubbo, Fit, Foolish, and Charlie. Phil had already disclosed that they 6 would go to Phils Starter home, they were just lucky the federation chose their psychological torture of remembering and answering for the day after. Phil was the last into his Home after opening the door for them. Sitting down in the corner on the floor and looking over the last messages possible.

Roier >> cellbit?
Roier >> CELLBO
Slimecicle >> adios bolas :(
Roier >> DONDE ESTAS?
BagheraJones >> Adios bolas, I won't leave without her

  Phils heart ached for the pain of his missing family, it was easy to tell with his the now broken ‘tattoo’ on his chest of his darlings heart symbol looked more faded to grey than ever before. He felt broken, almost like Nothing. Would bring back that feeling of hope back into Phils mind for a long long time.
   He was so dazed out thinking of everything he didn't even realize Etoiles had taken the charge for him and got everyone to Shower, now trying to coax Phil into it. But the crow went unmoved besides a small tear as he stared off. His mind plaguing him about the memories of how all the different scratches and stains had come to be in this home.
   Etoiles took Phils hand in his, trying to coax away the communicator from his frail grip. In a second the communicator was to Phils chest and a hardly together sword was pressed to Etoiles hand where the man had caught it in the action of swinging to his throat.
   The man of snow white hair quietly sighed, never removing his eyes from Phil as he pushed down the sword slowly with a bloodied hand until in clattered on the floor and Phil was on his knees inspecting the wound, quiet chirping of worry for a hatchling coming from him, the exact same way he would if it was Chayanne who got cut sparring Ramón. The same they also seen when they would ring together around the fire and Phil would watch or listen to them kill eachother.

   Phils hold was softer than it has been in days, quickly pulling out Etoiles from the building to scavenge his outdoor chests ‘til he found Bandages and a healing pot. Gently pouring a few drops into the wound and giving the rest to Etoiles who chugged it down, Phil was gentle and shaky as he chirped his was nervously through bandaging Etoiles hand, then some other cuts he had.
   Without a word Phil took his new small stash of healing stuff and fixed up everyone else; Foolish claimed he didnt need is and Phil knew that, He still got a bandage to the cheek where there was a scrape. Then, just like on purgatory, Phil would kissing a certain spot on his forehead, then move to fix Charlie and do the same. Etoiles knew what Phil was doing but was last to receive it, Fit never got a forehead kiss but he got bandaged and joked about something Phils instincts was drowning out.
   In his bird mind and heart and soul, he knew some of his hatchlings were missing, and it made him want to crawl up into the smallest ball he could be and sob. But instead he would heal, then sit down with a cup of hot cocoa he missed oh so after handed the rest of them one. Now it wasn’t just Etoiles but Foolish was also bugging him to go shower, wind down in the hopefully warm water.

   After a good while, aka 10 minutes of pestering him about how he was always so focused on cleanliness, before Phil grumbled and got up to go shower. Phil stared off to the night sky, whispering something out like a prayer to the deities he knows, Death for her love, Rose for her protection, and Techno for his stability. It was odd but natural to say that when fighting or on the Run, Phil thought he would hear his best friend whispering into the winds and almost guide him back to where he was safely meant to be.
   Phil laid in the miniature pool, letting the water run over his back nice and warm, easing his muscles from their tense stability until he was sagging over for sleep. Carefully he picked himself back up and got dressed in the outfit that Tubbo helped him grab. Phil still couldnt trust himself alone and he asked Tubbo to go grab clothing with him. Now there was Foolish standing to the side of his house where he cant see Phil but he can hear him as a sort of protection and comfort method for the old crow.
   Phil turned the corner to see Foolish drawing in a sketchpad some new design he wanted to try for a build, but he hid it when Phils steps were heard. Something he learned to silence in purgatory, but sleep tugged on his so heavily he hardly picked up his feet.
   Phil was pulled into Foolish’s gentle hugs, then suddenly hoisted up into a toddler-like hold. His frail hands sat on Foolish’s chest where he nuzzled his cheek in and almost fell asleep. His wings draping over Foolish’s shoulders and back like a backwards shall to stay out of the way of sight and steps. He could feel where the totems hands laid like a comforting burn marking his skin. One arm under his thighs to hold him up, the hand sitting to hold Phils ankle loosely, the other hand splayed between the base of night black wings to keep him close as he carried his father-ish figure back into the home.

   Foolish could feel with his hand and chest every hiccup and tear from Phil, a man who spent so fucking long caring for others, giving them his everything and then some, to be given back finally now that they were safe. The totem knew he put pressure on the avian as well when he screamed for the man to do something earlier that week. When it all came crashing down and their children were in Danger, Foolish became so desperate to scream for Phil to do something.
   Now, Foolish could simply hold the smaller man and help him as much as he could at this moment. When they entered the house, Tubbo was already asleep on Fit, Charlie and Etoiles were snuggling and the slime seemed rather close to close his eyes until they entered. Fit immediately being concerned to what reduced Phil to crying, assuming the man still felt no room to cry. Phil chittered with a stuttering jaw and voice box, hands gripping Foolish’s shirt with enough strength to tear it if he wasn’t constantly self-aware.
   The totem sat next to Etoiles, the other side of which Charlie was literally stuffing his nose into the french’s hip bone, a hand gently scratching through brown hair where the Slime stayed curled up and now asleep with the knowledge Phil was Back. Dad was back and dad was safe, dad wont pass out on horseback again. Phil looked over, placing a hand to Etoiles other thigh with a broken chuckle. His Family wasn’t whole but god fucking damnit if this was all he had then so be it.

   Foolish was careful to swivel to the side a tad to he and his larger frame could lean over, his head leaned back on a french shoulder while still Holding Phil on his chest. The crow couldnt make out much of he words, but it sounded like Fit wanted to give them tubbo, who was twitching in his sleep. Etoiles and Foolish looked at eachother, then had Fit come over so they both could join the cuddle pile.
   Back on Bolas, Baghera would be in Tubbos place, Cellbit in Etoiles, and Jaiden in Fits. The bald man had laid his head next to where Phils hand still sat shakily on Etoiles Thigh, the talons moving to gently rake along the surface of his forehead before pressing his thumb to Figs forehead, in the exact spot he gave his not-kids a kiss earlier.
   There was a quiet pause, an understanding sigh from Fit, and a quiet sleepy bleat from Tubbo where the boy laid exactly as Phil was on Fit, except his knees half-extended out parallel to Foolish. Fit was at some weird 40° angle compared to everyone else.

   By the time Phil had Fallen asleep, it was to their sound of Charlie snoring, and Etoiles, Foolish, and Fit idly conversating until their own exhaustion hit.

Chapter Text

   Phil was slow to wake up, but the second he did so, he could hear the sounds of birds in his avocado trees and the rustling of feathers all around, then the pings of a communicator and the sound of metal quiet on a screen. He opened the eye that wasn’t laid against a golden chest, looking on at Fit who seemed to be casually messaging with his metal arm, Phil almost forgot that Fits arm had special finger pads to work on the comms and other touch screen items.
   Phil chirped ever quietly to let the man know he was finally awake, he only got a hum in response as he finished typing, then looked at Phil. The avian stared back, then tried to get up. It took him to now to realize that Tubbo was asleep under one wing while Foolish was technically under the other and him.
   So Phil and Fit chatted as quiet as one could while the other 4 slept, Charlie was up next. He yawned and stretched, his hand hitting Etoiles in the face but not waking him, then was quick to get up and stretch after untangling a green calloused hand from his brunette hair. Charlie was rather quick to leave the building and throw on his gas mask as he always did nowadays, sprinting around the wall but never daring to leave it yet, it was about an hour before Charlie peaked back in with his mask hung around his throat so Phil could only see his eyes.

   “Hey uh, Phil, Can I go to Marianas?” Charlie asked, as much as he looked excited he also seemed a bit nervous. Phil looked up to him and chuckled softly, nodding his permission.
   “You can go, But be safe ya idiot, I don't need you almost dyin’ already.” Charlie smiled bright and ran off, all his anxieties gone in moments, Phil could hear his distant yells to Mariana that he could go home with him, it made Phil smile softly at the thought of him so happy finally. Even if Fit was giving him a knowing look.
   “Whats that look for?” The avian asked, trying to get out of Foolish’s arms to fix himself up.
   “Did you adopt them all Phil?” He was asked, it made the crow freeze in the mist of his escape attempt. Did he accidentally adopt them all out of desperation? Well, they were calling him dad for a while as a joke, and Charlie did do things any kid would? Shit.
   “I didn’t adopt them Mate, they just needed me and I complied, things’ll go back to normal soon enough.” He shrugged when he spoke to try and pull of the idea he didnt show much interest in being a dad, still trying to get up.
   “Mhm. And what about Foolish?” Speaking of Foolish, he didn’t look as calm as he did? Phil quietly chirped and shrugged off his kimono, gently placing it over Foolish, who shimmied a tad and went back to peaceful sleeping against Etoiles.
   Fit did the same ‘mhm’ sound once again before getting up himself, setting a sleepy Tubbo on Foolish. During this, Etoiles is trying to beg Phil silently with his eyes to help him up from where he's stuck beneath Foolish and Tubbo.

   After all 3 men were free, Phil was the first outside as he stood at the edge of the wall, overlooking the island they had filled with joys til now. He looked down to Lullahs house and chirped quietly, his children were still gone, probably back on Egg Island or somewhere in the federations fuzzy hands, who the fuck was he to know? He wasn't anybody compared to these forces giving him no choice by to comply with these assholes.
   He listened to the wind, and he swore he could hear a familiar little girls flute as a guitar strummed. He sighed into the wind, listening to the gentle notes with a smile, but became curious as the sounds of a guitar grew closer to him. Slowly he turned his head to see over his shoulder what it was growing closer. It was Missa, his husband, with his guitar and gently strumming a song he once sung to the kids before. Phil felt his heart race and his breath leave his lungs. Was this his body telling him about his love for this man or trying to kill him? Was he actually ready to see Missa? Because right now it didn't fucking feel like it, it felt like his soul was trying to shake out of his fucking body and choke him out after. The avian shuddered and turned his full body, took a step back, one after another. But then he felt a foot slip at the wall edge, he squawked in panic, his wings weren’t healed enough for this kind of fall, but before he could fall or even think more of it he felt his hand was grabbed while on shoe stayed stuck on the rubble of the edge.
   He lifted his gaze to see that glowing skull mask of colours the kids helped make was so close to his face, his throat created a whole new wave of chirps that hardly display how he was feeling because he felt so much. Phil was lifted to where he stood earlier and then pulled further away from the edge by his husband, who was panicking in all sorts of spanish words Phil and the Translator could hardly catch all of. By now, Etoiles and Fit were outside with some food, the frenchman trying to hand Phil a sandwich he's refusing. Food dint not feel like a good idea after that near Death experience.
   "C'mon Captain, eat the fucking sandwich! You will starve into bones like your husband!" he and Fit began to laugh, Phil felt his ear begin to ring louder and louder and raised his wings.

   With his wings raised, a show of dominance among avians and for Phil to regain control, Etoiles immediately shut up and held up a hand to his chest, Fit and Missa staring at Etoiles confused about his actions as the Italian finally calmed down from his laughing fit (pun intended), the avian was patient in waiting for everything to quiet. Etoiles nudged Fit and Missa into doing the same, when they did they could actually focus on Phils current state. unpreened and desperate wings, blue iris' still lingering of the old red they used to glow for 2 weeks, his hair a tangled mess, his breathing rigid and audible. He hardly seemed like the gentle caring Phil. Another look and they could see the way his pupils seemed sharper, his teeth having a slight point to them, his fingers now a gradient down to black talons that could slice their neck in 4.
   The french man was first to step up, as the one from Bolas out of the 3, as the one with suffered with Philza and not against, Etoiles stepped forward and reached his hand to Phil, waiting at each step as the avian panted and stood still. Phil was freaking out internally but didn't move. Etoiles was slow to take that final step, to stand directly in front of Philza himself, and take Phils hand to place atop the frenchmans chest and feel the heartbeat underneath.
  Missa wanted to reach out, he wanted the same so bad, he wanted the connection with his husband back so bad, he wanted to be the one Phil could trust that closely again. But Phil wasn't ready. Phil still wont touch Tubbo, Or Fit, or anyone who wasn't bolas, he was even struggling with Etoiles after all that happened.
   Phil just wanted his kids, all of em. Chayanne, Lullah, Cellbit, Baghera, Jaiden, all 5 of them were gone and Phil couldn't do anything about it. Or could he? Maybe if he manually fixed his wings? Maybe he can get Tubbo to fix his wings into working again? His palm felt the intense heartbeat and immediately he cooed, his pupils going wide as he moved his hands to cup Etoiles face, checking him over for any injury and hardly registering anything they said.

   Then he seen Cucurucho.

   Phil pulled Etoiles behind him swiftly as he pulled out his scythe, the white bear simply laughed at the avian’s aggression and requested for Etoiles,only to get aggressive chirping in response. That wasn't gonna fucking happen. Not on Phils watch. He wont loose another kid.
   "It is time for Etoiles to be asked questions about his time on Egg Island." it said, and the French man stepped up to listen before the crow could do anything else against it.
   "Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it Captain!" he smiled and followed Cucurucho to the building. Fit had to hold onto Phil by the arms to stop him from following or killing something. In the meantime, Phil still had to face Missa and his fears, still had to face the fact that Missa just wanted to reconnect and it took trying for it to happen. Missa was gentle and quiet as he always had been.
  "Philza.? Mi Amor.?" the ravenette spoke softly, holding out his hand just like Etoiles did. Phil took a deep breath and placed Missas hand to his chest, then his talons to Missas chest, they stood in silence as Phil regained the lost feeling of the skeletons faint heartbeat that gently glew below his layers of clothing. Then after re-memorizing it for now, Phil hugged Missa properly. Holding his husband close as his voice whispered sweet nothings to the avian. Fit cleared his throat and declared he would go to Pacs to visit and see how he's doing. Missa was the one to answer with a smile and a nod while Phil kept his face buried in Missa's throat, taking him in quietly.

   Phil wrapped his large galaxy-black wings close around his husband, scenting him as he would by putting together their throats and wrists, quietly chirping contently and beginning to smile as their scents mixed and only now was Phil feeling fully safe. Missa wrapped his arms around Philza and kissed his cheek gently and purring like a cat, making his chest rattle, something only reapers can do. It was stupidly comfortable, where Phil could feel Missas bones rattle against the purring sound it caused, On Death did he love this man.
   When the avian pulled away, he smiled to the reaper and let his touch linger on the tallers shoulder before he walked away to tend to Chayannes old potatoes, collecting everything that was ready and what was unfortunately spoiled. Phil had taken off his kimono earlier and left it on Foolish, leaving himself in his black sleeveless-bodysuit with a turtleneck to it and high waisted navy jeans that cuffed up on his ankles, his wings angled almost submissively as it was easiest pose to do when he was farming. The high point of his wings was angled down to the ground while the end of his wings were almost perfectly leveled. It would be the 'act of submission' if the high point of his wings were instead on the ground alongside his head.
  Missa took off his blue and purple jacket, leaving him in a simple white tanktop tucked into his blue tights, leaving the sweater atop the trampoline before getting next to Phil and helping best he could, he was following exactly as Phil did and learning by observing and listening to what Phil considered spoiled or just not good anymore. they sat and did this for hours.

   It took 5 hours to get through the entirety of the potato field, even gathering some of the other fruits in the trees along the edges, Phil wiped sweat from his forehead with a chuckle while Missa laid on the warm rubble of the wall edges.
   They had been working in peaceful silence, Foolish had come out at one point as well to help while Tubbo had later just went home seeing Phil get un-easy again and Missa having to calm the avian infront of the poor ram. the Totem was a great help in quickly switching out their many baskets as they got further from the home. While on their walk back, Foolish would walk backwards through the newly planted potatoes, chattering to Missa about all their stupid adventures as Bolas and clearly avoiding mentioning Cellbit or Baghera as much as he could, and Phil only gave a small smile, Phil knew Foolish didnt want to sadden anyone, it was who he was, the totem had a knack for being the brightest in the room. No matter how dark his sanity shined that day.
   "Mate, you don’t gotta avoid it" said the avian, Foolish stopped in his tracks abruptly to look at him, eyes full of worry and eyebrows pressed together in concern about what he meant before he nodded and smiled, mind seeming to catch onto the track Phil was leading him on. Then he picked back up again just as abruptly as before in his slow backwards pace in front of the pair.
   "So on the first day and some others, Charlie and Cellbit started killing eachother, we would even join into the fighting! Oh and then we all kept jumping on the fire while Phil was exploring! And I think at one point me and Cellbit were screaming about some guy that wouldn’t leave our one base alone, Phil had to come save us!”
   Foolish was having a blast blabbering about their fun times in Purgatory, he did actually have fun though.

    “At every place we went to hide, Phil and Jaiden had made a nest for all of us, obviously with my help to look Fabulous! they had to keep remaking it though because of BadBoyHalo always killing us and always moving?" As the totem spoke, he waved his hands around, loosing a potato from his basket here and there, Phil would simply pick it up as he listened along to Foolish’s version of the purgatory events.
   "Wait, Bad kept killing you guys?" Asked Missa, confused. it made all of them stop walking. Did Missa not know? Was Missa clueless to the genocide Badboyhalo caused to them? It took a long conversation and more walking to sort out all that Bad did, and it was fair to say that Phil was silent and Missa was quietly fuming of rage. Who did Bad think he was to harm his friends so much? and for futile points.?

   Missa kissed Phil softly before re-adjusting the skull mask on his face. walking to the way-stone.
   "I'll be back home soon Mi Amor, don't wait for me though" Missa smiled and teleported away in a burst of purple particles. Leaving Phil alone with Foolish, the two immortals went inside and with the fresh potatoes, Phil made some mashed potatoes for an early dinner when randomly, Cucurucho was back to collect Phil. No matter how much he refused, he had no choice and he knew it, so he's go.

Chapter Text

   Its been 2 weeks since they landed on Quesadilla shores, most people have become reacquainted with each other, families coming back together and getting used to being in close range to everyone not trying to kill them. And getting used to the Federation breathing down their throats again.
   Yet it still hung over their heads that their kids and some friends were still not back home.
   Well, their kids were back, just sleeping from all the damage they took in the earthquake. All the parents visited daily to see their kids, came by every day to see how their kids were holding up, waiting ever so patient for their little ones to open their eyes again.

   Phil visited at night, when all others were asleep or too busy to visit, Phil would show up, he would sit with Chayanne for an hour, then with Lullah for another hour. He’d even sit in the middle of the room atop a pillow with a book, reading out to all of them about some random story he hasn’t pulled off the shelf in a long time. 
   Some days, he would even sing softly, leave a black feather in the pots of flowers left for the kids, he would keep adding feathers only to Chayannes and Tallulahs to keep track of how long they slept.

   They’ve been home 4 weeks, the kids asleep for 2. Phil noticed how small they looked, how some had their head turned a separate way or a hand raised around their head, some tails around their legs rather than between. The first awake surprisingly was Dapper, he was quick to hit the glass hard enough with his tiny fists for Phil to stop reading and fly over.
   The avian sent a message to Bad, letting him know his son was awake while he comforted them beyond the glass.
   Bad had walked in to see Phil leaning his shoulder, head, and knees to the glass where Dapper copied on the other side, reading out the story in his lap from the beginning. Phil didn’t even register Bad was behind him until he greeted himself. 

   “Hello Phil! Its good to see you again!” The demon said happily, waving and sitting nearby him, something thats circulated around the island by now is that Phil was one of the few people still not ‘returned to normal’, he’s still constantly on edge, watching his back, holding onto that mask, staying anyone from anyone who wasn't apart of Bolas.
   So Bad gave him space where he sat down, no matter how much the demon wanted to be next to his child, they were all suffering even a month after purgatory, and Bad had to understand that not everyone was comfortable with him after what he did.
   Phil smiled to Bad, using all the willpower he currently had to stay calm, even with how tight he was pulling his flightless wings to his back.
   “Its good to see you too bad, i’ve been readin’ this book to Dapper if you wanted to borrow it? Let him finish the story” Phil offered, but Bad shook his head, scooting over to the glass and placing his feet align with Phils, watching as the avian didn’t pull back this time, he was too tired in every way to care about how close Bad was.

   Bad looked at Phil for a minute, then pulled out his comm and texted Foolish

BadBoyHalo >> Hey Foolish
BadBoyHalo >> Can you come get Phil from the adoption center?
FoolishG >> Why’s he there?
BadBoyHalo >> I’m not sure
BadBoyHalo >> Dapper woke up and Phil looks like he’s gonna pass out!
FoolishG >> Oh shit
FoolishG >> Coming

   Foolish got there surprisingly quick, heavy footsteps coming around the corner as he skidded to a stop and half-sprinted to Phils side. He looked worried for Phil, Phil wondered why he looked worried? The avian could hear them talking but he was too tired to care about what they said, all he knew was he was in safe arms right now.
   “Hey Foolish, do you mind bringing him across the room? Dapper, wrap the blanket around you and get under the bed please” Bad spoke, smiling gently. As both of them did as Bad asked, they didn’t exactly realize that Bad had grown a bit in size, how he was almost as tall as the glass.
   The demon waited a moment for each of them to be in a safe spot before breaking the glass of Dappers space, making the glass shatter into the room. Thanks to the blanket, the child was completely safe and waited knowingly for Bad to come over and pick him up from his spot, he couldn’t see the glass and knew it was dangerous.
   Bad did grab his child, gently picking him up from under the armpits carefully and slowly, shrinking back down to his smaller form once more to hold Dapper as close as possible. They both cried, as any parent on this island does when they finally get their child back from the federations hands.

   Foolish watched it all, holding Phil mostly bridal style. Phil was angled a bit odd in his golden arms to account for twitching black wings, one was limp towards the ground but held up by Foolish’s gentle hand, the other wing around the totems shoulder alongside Phils arm. His face was shoved into Foolish’s throat, they both still distinctly smelt like what once was Bolas, it’s what did the most to get Phil to sleep so fast, besides his lack of sleep over the whole time they’ve been home 'safe'.
   Foolish returned the avian to his home, placing him within his empty nest and tucking him in. He already knew exactly how to place the feathered limbs to comfort for the avian based on his stomach laying position. Many people would've left the home by this point, and he did, but he came back later on. Because he was sitting by Leo's room to be sure none of the other eggs woke up that night considering Dapper did.
   He stayed for about 3 hours, taking one kid with him as he returned to the avians front step, whispering to the child to be quiet as he entered the room. Placing the child gently into his arms and sitting on the ground to sleep there, keeping Phil and the child company until morning.

   Phil slept peacefully that night, dreaming of a gentle night with his crew whole again in his room, his kids and those recently considered, he told stories of old friends some already heard or had even known from a past life. and all felt perfect within the dream.

   Until he had to wake up, unfortunetly.