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Remus looked up from his desk as Sirius walked in but didn’t try and cover what he was doing. Sirius, whose expression had been suspicious as he entered, seemed to notice the lack of cover-up and came over to where Remus sat, expression guarded as usual but now slightly curious.

Things had been tense between them recently. There was a spy in the Order and now that James and Lily were in hiding it felt like everyone not already dead thought it had to be one of them.

Bizarrely, no one had considered it might be both, despite them living together, despite them loving each other, or perhaps loving each other once. Past tense might be a necessity now.

Remus suspected he was the only one still clinging to feelings of love and devotion. He hoped he was wrong. Remus found himself hoping he was wrong about a lot of his suspicions lately.

The rest of the Order didn’t seem to have any such doubts though. Based on the murmurs and the hateful and pitiful looks he received in equal measure, everyone around them believed the spy could only be one of the two childhood best friends turned lovers. Either the heir to the house of Black, returning to his notorious roots, or the dark creature, giving in to his evil nature.

Remus could admit that it hurt to be suspected. It hurt to have his humanity so easily disregarded, but that hurt was nothing compared to how the suspicion on Sirius made him feel. That Sirius was being accused in hushed whispered didn’t hurt, it didn’t offend or make him feel queasy and shameful. Instead, it made Remus angry. It filled him with a burning rage that his best friend, a man he loved with his whole heart, was being seen by the people around them as exactly what they believed he had always been destined to be. That they could assume so easily that Sirius was everything his parents had hoped he would become, despite how hard he’d worked to be the opposite made him simmer with a hot fury.

What made him the angriest though, was that Remus was one of those people.

He suspected. He hated himself for it, but he did, and it made him angry beyond comprehension, at himself, at this war, at Sirius.

Remus was so so angry and so so tired of it all.

His anger felt like nothing at all though, when compared to the aching wound he felt when he wondered if Sirius had started doubted him yet, like he had begun to doubt Sirius. Did the dark-haired man look at him and see nothing but a monster finally giving in to their true, evil nature? And if Remus was wrong, shit, he hoped he was wrong. If he was though, and Sirius doubted him now, what did he doubt exactly? Did he doubt Remus’ loyalty to the Order? Did Sirius doubt his own goodness for loving Remus once, like Remus found himself doing some nights when Sirius came home late and covered in the scent of dark magic. Or did Sirius doubt that he had ever even loved Remus to begin with?

Remus didn’t know, he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure of anything really.

Except for two absolute truths.

The first being that Remus loved Sirius Black more than he had ever loved anything or anyone, and the second being that he doubted Sirius Black and there was nothing he could do to convince himself without proof, of his innocence.

These were the only two things that felt constant in his life now, doubt and love. He could not bring himself to continue to ignore his doubt, but Remus had never doubted his love.

Even on his darkest nights, when Sirius returned from a mission wild eyed and blood covered and angry, even when he could barely meet Remus’ eyes come morning. On those nights when Remus thought it really could be Sirius betraying their friends, their colleagues. When he let himself believe just a little that Sirius could be the reason the Prewetts were dead, even then Remus knew he still loved him.

Loved him and hated himself for it. Hated himself for the love if he was right about his doubts, hated himself for the doubt if he was wrong. Funny, despite how endless his love for Sirius was Remus never seemed to have any to spare for himself.

So, it was thus, filled with a heart of love and aching self-loathing that Remus looked up at Sirius as he walked slowly up to the desk upon which he had spread his research papers. Remus stared at the guarded expression the love of his life wore and realised with a pang he was more used to seeing it than Sirius’ smile these days. He was surprised to feel that the thought was able to add cracks to what already felt like the tiny shards of what was left of his heart. Kept on the verge of shattering by not knowing if Sirius loved him back, not being able to trust Sirius, but holding together because Remus still loved Sirius even if he didn’t trust him.

Remus so desperately wanted to trust him though.

He wanted Sirius to be able to trust him again too. He wanted to be able to look at this beautiful man and say the words in his heart, even if he didn’t say them back. Remus looked down at the runes he had been sketching out from the old book and a wild idea started to form. Perhaps this little experiment could help with this too, with them. It was for the war, for Dumbledore, but maybe, just maybe it could also be a little bit for them. For the love Sirius and Remus once shared. Maybe it could help them find their feet again and win each other back along with helping to win the war they were fighting together. As long as they were fighting on the same side. It was a hope Remus couldn’t let go of, not yet.

If this spell worked, then there was a chance they could build their trust on something that wasn’t blind faith. And perhaps, if Sirius was a church Remus wanted to worship at again then faith wasn’t what needed to be found, but instead truth, evidence, trust in what was visible and real instead of that which was not. Perhaps all they really needed was confession.

After all, just because Dumbledore wanted to lead his followers in the dark and keep everyone separate and alone, it didn’t mean Remus had to live his entire life that way. Dumbledore’s secrets had done enough damage in his relationship. If Remus couldn’t be open with Sirius about Order business that didn’t mean he couldn’t be open with Sirius about everything else, including his own doubts.

Maybe if he showed Sirius his truth, Sirius would reveal his own, for better or for worse.

“What are you working on?” Sirius asked, his brow furrowing as he leaned over to look at the ancient scripts. He smelt of woodsmoke, leather and cigarettes and too much whiskey and his eyes had a haunted quality, visible even behind the walls he put up for Remus now. Remus wanted to wrap him up and hold him tight and feed him tea and biscuits until he was whole again. Maybe Sirius would let him, if Remus was willing to be vulnerable first. What did he have to lose?

He already felt like he was losing the only thing that mattered to him to this damn war. Sirius might already be lost, perhaps he’d long since strayed beyond where Remus could reach him, but he had to try.

“Sirius.” Remus said, his voice sounded harsh in his ears, broken and vulnerable. Sirius’ gaze snapped up to look at him, concern sparking behind a slightly cracked wall of defensiveness. The worry in his face made Remus think that perhaps Sirius did still love him, at least a little. The spark of that hope spurred Remus on.

“Sirius, I know you don’t trust me, at least not like you used to ...not like before.” Remus saw that guard snap back into place as Sirius looked away, he reached out and Sirius froze as Remus’ hand touched his forearm. It had been so long since they touched. Sirius didn’t pull away though, not yet at least. “I want to fix that because… well because I’m finding it hard to trust you too. Everyone thinks it’s one of us, the spy that is. You know, I know, but we never speak about it. Hell, most of the time you won’t even look at me, let alone talk to me. But when you do look it feels as though you’re also looking for signs it’s me, just like the rest of them. It feels like you also suspect I am the spy.” Remus forced himself to say it as though it were a fact and not an accusation, holding that mercurial gaze until it wavered before saying for the first time, “But I understand because, sometimes I think it might be you too.”

Remus saw the hurt, the raw pain and anger flashing into Sirius’ face at his words, emotions rising above his defensive wall of indifference, but he pressed on, holding tight when Sirius tried to pull away. Remus was shaking and his next words all came out in a rush “but even when I don’t fully trust you, I still love you Sirius. I can’t not love you. And it’s- sometimes I wish I could…” unable to finish that thought Remus switched tact “I’ll always love you Sirius Black. You’re the only thing I care about losing in this war and I’m starting to feel like even if we win, I might lose you anyway and I’m not willing to let that happen without trying everything to prevent it.” Sirius was now looking at him with a ruinous expression.

“Do you still love me?” Remus’ voice broke on the question as he watched Sirius begin to cry. Tears leaking down his beautiful face in a constant stream as he silently wept.

Sirius looked into Remus’ eyes, amber on silver and choked “Of course I love you Remus, how could I ever not love you?”

Relief flooded Remus’ chest despite what was going unsaid, what Sirius still hadn’t hurt him with, even though Remus had already flung the words of accusation at him freely. This kind gentle man made of anger and spite and magic still wasn’t calling Remus the spy and confirming that painful doubt and Remus loved him all over again for his compassion.

“But you don’t trust me either.” Remus prompted. Sirius’ tears were so heavy now that he couldn’t speak without sobbing, his wrist hanging limply in Remus’ grip. Remus stared at him, his own eyes wet, needing to know. He wanted to feel the blow, balance the scales. He needed his heart to break clean in two so the pieces would fit back together perfectly once mended. Because if Sirius still loved him, Remus was certain he could fix this. He would fix this.

“Sirius, do you trust me?” Remus asked again, voice sounding surer now.

Sirius shook his head sorrowfully. Remus felt the cracks shatter and shut his eyes with the pain of it. He was almost surprised at how hurtful it felt to have something he had known for months confirmed, but the ache was sharp and raw. Remus drew a shaky breath and forced himself to speak. To save what they had left he needed to say his piece in full.

“It’s okay Sirius.” Remus said in a stilted shaking voice “This is war and everything that comes with it is awful and Dumbledore making us lie to each other is awful and the fact that there is a spy is even more awful and, well, blind faith was never either of our style anyway.” Remus gave Sirius a watery smile.

Sirius took a gasping breath, looking at Remus with pleading eyes.

“What happens now?” Sirius asked shakily, obviously hoping there was more to Remus’ plan than simply devastating them both with the trust of their mistrust.

“I have an idea, if you’re willing to, well…” Remus pursed his lips, “ironically, you’ll have to trust me to a certain extent, but not in the way you don’t now. It’s in more of a physical way.” Remus laughed a small sad laugh at the ridiculousness of this requirement, his fingers still twined around Sirius’ arm.

Sirius smiled softly at him and cocked his head. It wasn’t a ‘no’, so Remus explained further, gesturing to the parchment in front of him. “These runes, they’re part of an old magic ritual used to deter ‘dark creatures and magic’s moste evile’.” Remus did air quotes to demonstrate his distaste of the wording. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tweak them to allow me to see the so-called evil magic and dark creatures, instead of deterring them. It would help me identify other werewolves outside of full moons to-” Remus coughed awkwardly realising this was another secret he was meant to keep from his partner. “Well, it would help me on my missions anyway.” Remus finished sheepishly.

Sirius nodded, not acknowledging the obvious gatekeeping of what Remus’ missions involved, and Remus was grateful.

“That’s clever. You’re brilliant you know.” Sirius said as though it were a simple truth. Remus smiled.

“You really think so?” Remus asked despite knowing Sirius meant every word, because they needed this, these little moments. Hell, he could admit he needed to hear it. These small glimpses of what once was were all that had kept them together this long, moments of honest adoration shining like lights in the darkness. Remus needed to hear Sirius’ voice telling him he was good, even when his heart wouldn’t tell him the same. Even when he himself occasionally thought he might be in love with a murderer.

“Yeah,” Sirius replied, “I’ve always known you were brilliant Rem, smarter than the rest of us by a mile.” Sirius’ smile turned sombre as the implications of what that might make Remus capable of hung between them. Remus cleared his throat.

“If I were the spy, do you think I’d have the mark?” Remus asked, aware it was a rather abrupt leap back into the discussion but wanting to speed ahead to the moment he might be free of doubts and able to kiss this man again.

Sirius seemed startled by the change in subject so much so that he actually frowned quizzically at Remus, not bothering to conceal his confusion behind one of his carefully shielded expressions. The openness of emption on his face only made Remus want to kiss him more. Sirius had always been so expressive with him, before the war stole that too.

“Obviously,” Sirius replied “but it would be concealed. I’ve heard rumours old snake face does the disguising himself. Apparently, he never lets someone into his service without being marked, even though his arms are bare. A superiority thing I assume, and a way to control his followers.” Sirius bit his lip as though he wasn’t sure he should have revealed everything he’d just said.

Remus, while appreciating the insightful response and small show of trust, knew that Sirius was getting off topic.

“But you think I’d have it? If I were the spy? You’re sure I would be marked?” Remus pressed.

Sirius met his gaze. His eyes were fully shielded again, so Remus had no idea what he was really thinking when he spoke.

“Yes, if you were the spy, I think you’d have the mark.” Sirius looked down at his hands in consternation, as though he felt helpless. “Bit of a moot point though, since there’s no way for me to check without cutting your arm off, especially if it’s being concealed by Voldemort himself.”

Remus laughed and Sirius looked startled.

“Is that all it would take? God Sirius, I wish you’d said so. I’d have let you cut it off in a heartbeat. Hell, if you asked, I’d have done it myself.” He looked at Sirius dead in the eyes so he would see Remus meant every word “I’d do anything if it meant you’d trust me again.” Remus said smiling sadly.

A complicated look crossed Sirius’ features, but before it had time to settle Remus interrupted it. “Fortunate that you didn’t though, because if you’re willing to try this rune spell, we won’t need to go to such…gruesome lengths, and I can come out of this with two arms intact. Scars notwithstanding.”

Sirius looked intrigued now, and a little relieved. “Well, now that I know it doesn’t involve maiming, do go on.” he said pulling himself up onto the table but staying within Remus’ grasp. His tone was lighter than it had been since their conversation had started and laced with a promising curiosity.

Remus continued, “I think I’ve worked out how to make this spell work, not the way I originally hoped, but I think what I’m seeing, what it now shows is all magic, and it sort of ‘highlights’ the dark magic or the evil magic or whatever. It’s not just dark creature magic though, I believe it would also reveal concealed blood curses, spell damage, hexes anything that could be conceivably used for the ‘forces of darkness’ would appear visually, well, dark. Actually it’s probably going to be hopeless for what I originally wanted to use it for as the level of visual stimulus I think it will create will likely prove overwhelming if used in large groups of magical people, but, and this is a big but, I think it would let the user see the dark mark. Even if it was concealed by Voldemort. Maybe even especially then.” Remus watched Sirius carefully for his reaction.

“Is this the part where I have to trust you? That the spell does what you say? Because Merlin Moony that’s not very physical.” Sirius huffed out a breath and glanced at Remus’ hand still encircled around his wrist.

Remus huffed a laugh, not removing it just yet.

“No, we can test the spell out on real death eaters, see if we believe it works. The part where you have to trust me is that I can’t cast it on myself. Neither can you. At least not without wildly inaccurate results. I’ve been trying to enchant objects to hold the spell to negate a human host entirely, but they break in seconds. I think because of what I’ve changed about it, the spell now requires a living vessel to work, to sustain it. So, we’d have to cast it on each other.” Remus met Sirius’ gaze again. “What do you say Pads? Can you trust me enough to perform an ancient magic ritual on you?”

Sirius looked at him for a long time. He was sitting on the desks edge and with Remus in the chair their eye levels were the opposite of what they normally were, Sirius looking down at Remus. Remus held his eyes, staring into that closed off expression, not looking away. He also held his wrist and watched as Sirius’ burning gaze darted all over his face, feeling his pulse race even as Sirius’ face remain unchanged. He looked for so long that Remus wasn’t sure if Sirius wanted to kiss him or walk out the room and never speak to him again. Remus’ heart pounded in his chest as he waited, drowning in that intense stare.

“Okay” Sirius said finally. His voice firm, decided. Remus’ mouth felt dry, and his skin tingled in hopeful anticipation.

“Okay?” asked Remus, a little unsteady after all that eye contact. Remus might not trust Sirius entirely anymore, but he still wanted to shag his brains out. Traitor or not Remus Lupin would never be immune to those grey blue eyes.

“Yes, okay. We’ll cast this ancient spell you’ve dug up on each other and then I guess we’ll see what happens next. What do I need to do?” Sirius asked, seeming eager to move forward now that he’d made his decision.

~

Performing the ritual wasn’t an overly difficult process in the end, being such old magic, but it was rather tedious. There was a two-step activation to the spell. The first requiring a rune be engraved on the “area to be forewarned of the presences of the magiks moste dark and foul of origin”, which Remus had ascertained meant a carving above a doorway when the ritual was used to protect churches and homes, but for this new modified purpose meant they essentially needed to carve it onto their persons, or in this case, ink it.

Sirius initially took this in stride, immediately pointing to a spot on his ribs where he’d been wanting to add another tattoo, but he suddenly became more reluctant when he realised Remus also needed a runic mark. He proceeded to make rather a large fuss about the placement of Remus’ rune and complained about tarnishing Remus’ ‘lovely unblemished body’ under his breath every time Remus suggested somewhere new to place it, Remus all the while rolling his eyes and becoming more and more irate at Sirius’ objections.

Eventually, Remus had to stop pretending he couldn’t hear Sirius’ muttered objections and pointed out irritably that he was definitely not unblemished given that he was literally covered in scars. In response Sirius threw his arms in the air and exclaimed that those weren’t blemishes at all and that this was different entirely. To which Remus huffed that it was his skin, unblemished or otherwise. Unfortunately, at that point, due to his flare for the dramatic and his penchant for being a sore loser, Sirius predictably stormed out and Remus had to wait five minutes before he slunk back in and sheepishly proposed they choose a matching spot, in solidarity.

Remus accepted the idea for the peace offering that it was, and they then bickered a bit more until they finally agreed on the inner side of their right forearms. They landed on this location partially because Sirius threw a fit every time they discussed it going anywhere on Remus’ torso, and partially because the location was easier to reach for the second step. Secretly though, Remus liked its similarity to the dark mark, which was always placed on the opposite arm in the same location, if the dead death eaters they had found it on were anything to go by. It would be akin to their own personal sort of anti-dark mark, a contrast in every way and if Sirius were already marked, then at least he would now also have a contrasting tattoo on his other arm to remember Remus by.

Maybe Sirius was just letting this play out to learn the spell but if that was the case and he was marked by the snake and skull then Remus would die of a broken heart upon discovering the truth, if Sirius didn’t kill him first to keep him quiet. Remus had no doubt that if Sirius was the spy and the spell somehow worked then Remus was not leaving this flat alive. If he were to be honest with himself though, Remus couldn’t help but feel like the possibility of finding the mark on Sirius was shrinking in his mind with every passing minute they spent together discussing and proceeding with this plan. As they practiced the engraving spell on the wood of their dining table, laughing together all the while, it felt more like the foundations of trust were being laid. As though just by seeking the truth and accepting blind faith wasn’t enough for either of them, they were knitting back together again.

Step two of the ritual was an incantation that gouged the rune in place, the deep grooves welling with blood before vanishing, leaving nothing but smooth skin and the shape of it permanently inked into their flesh in a dark almost black shade of red, the colour of long dried blood. To ensure the lines were as neat as they could be they had to engrave it into each other’s skin, hence the ‘physical’ trust element.

Sirius had volunteered to go first in a show of faith that made Remus’ throat ache given that he had written the spell, and Sirius had no reason to believe it did what Remus said.

Remus hissed in pain when it was his turn, watching in fascination as the twisted patterns cut into his flesh and healed immediately leaving dark ink marks behind. When the runes were finished, burning dark and new in tender flesh, Sirius pressed a soft kiss to Remus’ new mark before asking what came next.

His breath a little shaky, skin still tingling with the brand of Sirius’ lips Remus described the modified incantation and wand movement, explaining that upon activation it should reveal to the rune wearer any unsavoury magic in their field of vision by “bringing into the light magiks once hidden in darkness and revealing true nature through shadow.” He then explained the counter curse to end the spell.

“So, we can use it all the time now? Like on missions and things?” Sirius said curiously, eyeing his forearm.

“I believe so yes, though as mentioned it might be a little overwhelming in a crowd, or a fight where lots of dark magic is being used.” Remus replied, a new nervousness entering him now that they were about to activate the rune. He knew logically that if this type of magic was going to hurt him it would have done so when it was carved into his arm, but he couldn’t help feeling uneasy.

His concern must have shown on his face because Sirius squinted suspiciously “What aren’t you saying Moony?”

Remus couldn’t help but notice his tone was less guarded than it had been when they started, which felt monumental given they had just arrived at the ‘cast unknown spells at each other’ part of his plan. Remus took a deep breath and sighed into his exhale.

“I’m just not sure how the spell will react to being cast on me. I am ‘magiks moste evile’.  What if it’s not altered enough and I start repelling myself or something?” Remus voiced warily.

Sirius jiggled his head in a considering motion “I’ll go first, that way, if you’re repelled by me, we just won’t cast it on you” Sirius offered, as though it was the most obvious solution, but then he paused, realising the issue with this at the same time as Remus. “Erm right, but if I’m the spy then I could just check it works and obliviate you and shove off. Um, okay… what about we cast simultaneously and if your arm starts rejecting the rest of you, I’ll transfigure the rune into a cute bunny or something”.

Remus snorted. “A bunny? Really?”

“Moony likes them!” Sirius defended.

“To eat!!! Also, I’m not a huge fan of being reminded that I eat whole rabbits once a month Pads” Remus retorted.

“Urgh, fine. I’ll turn it into a devilishly handsome black dog, happy?” Sirius said now grinning.

Remus laughed, it felt so good to banter. “Maybe you’ll have to maim me after all. I think I’d rather lose an arm than have a smelly dog tattooed on my skin, I already have one following me around non-stop.” Remus said teasingly and when Sirius smiled at him it was genuine and warm.

“How about I just deactivate it and then we can figure out the rest afterwards.” Sirius offered.

Remus nodded in agreement “Are you ready?” he asked, feeling only a small remaining hint of nervousness that he might be about to fight the man he loved. Or let himself be killed; he wasn’t sure which.

“I’m ready.” Sirius said, steel in his eyes.

They raised their wands, “No wait!” Sirius yelped. Remus hesitated and suddenly Sirius was surging forward and kissing him hard. The kiss was slow and deep and desperate. It felt like a goodbye and Remus wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse about what was to come once Sirius was done.

When he pulled away Remus could see tears in his eyes again “Just in case,” Sirius whispered softly, then added with a determined edge to his voice, “on three?”

Feeling dazed, heart pounding in his chest Remus nodded.

“One, two, three, tenebris revelare, magicae deducere ad lucem” they chanted the words together before pressing the tips of their now glowing wands to each other’s rune marked arm.

The change was instantaneous. Remus blinked in surprise at the brightness of it.

It was like he had slipped on a pair of glasses that made all the magic in the world visible. He could see the static shimmer of the wards surrounding their flat, the rosy glow of the heating charms floating in the air around them, the bright woven net of green magic clinging to the fireplace that must be their connection to the floo network. But brighter than that, brighter than everything, was Sirius. His aura a fiery sparkle of ice blue and soft silver weaving together and curling around him, emanating from him like a living breathing thing. Sirius’ magic rolled off him in waves glowing at his fingertips and shining so bright at his core that Remus could almost not stand to look at him directly.

There was no dark mark, though Remus had forgotten to really look, he’d been too startled by the beauty of Sirius’ magic, its purity and strength. Sirius’ soft gasp drew him out of his reverie, and he looked into his eyes to see sorrow and awe in equal measure. Remus then looked down at himself and understood why. His magic swirled around him just like Sirius’, but if Sirius’ magic was crisp and ice cold than his was fire and glittering warmth. Flaming red and liquid gold swirls twisted and throbbed through him in guttering spirals. Unlike Sirius though, Remus’ light wasn’t glowing bright and clear. Instead, it was being strangled by an inky darkness, tendrils of poisonous black curling out from his torso, where a jagged circle of pure shadow lay, the absence of light itself. He knew the impressions of the rough ring it made intimately, had seen its exact match pressed into his skin in purple pucker as long as he could remember. The werewolf bite that turned him was the source of the poisonous dark. It’s swirling shadow seemed to be groping for the light of his magic, sucking it in, clinging to it wherever it could reach. It moved like it was alive and hungry, like if knew that if it could only consume the light, it would grow bigger maybe even take over completely. Remus wondered what he would look like just before the full moon next week, he wondered if there would be any light left come moonrise. Perhaps the dark consumed his magic fully in the same moment the wolf claimed his physical form.

Remus looked up into Sirius’ eyes, heart in his throat.

“Well, I guess we know it works on dark creatures.” Remus said, trying for glib but missing by a mile.

“Oh Moony” Sirius whispered before closing the distance between them and locking him is a tight embrace, the tears in Remus’ eyes fell instantly into Sirius’ hair and he sobbed anew for the curse in his blood, crying for the first time in years about what it meant to have that hideous scar.

He felt almost newly robbed of something precious, knowing the curse wasn’t just upon him but also inside of him, strangling his magic and consuming his essence. The curse that was a part of him in the same way a parasite was part of its host. Inexorably linked, but not the same, still separate from who he was at his core. It was heartbreaking, but also a sort of relief to see it like that, as something attached to him, leeching him of strength as the moon waned, filling him with a dark powerful energy as it gained more space in the sky. It was in him, but not of him. It was other.

Finally having proof that his inner darkness was not in his nature but rather attached to it, Remus cried in the arms of the man he loved, mourning the bright hearth hued magic he might have once had without the burning teeth marks in his side that spat venom into his veins. He cried because Sirius was pure light, whole and safe and good. He cried because neither of them bore a dark mark and now there was nothing between them, nothing to pull him away from this man that he loved.

Sirius held him as he cried, crying right along with him until they had nothing left to cry out. Both their eyes left puffy and red with the signs of their relief. Remus sighed and opened his eyes still locked in their embrace and because the spell was still active was newly floored by the majesty that was Sirius Black, now shining all around him.

“Your magic is so beautiful Pads. You’re ethereal.” Remus said in awe.

“Oh, shove off, you and your golden swirls and your Gryffindor red. I could bath in the stuff coming off of you, how are you ever cold?” Sirius said smiling into Remus’ neck.

Remus gave a wet chuckle, “I guess the wolf steals all the warmth” he said and felt Sirius’ smile slip from where his chin rested on his shoulder.

“Re- it’s,” Sirius searched for the words before settling on “it just looks so awful. I’m so sorry. I never imagined it would be like that,” Sirius pulled out of their embrace and when their eyes met, the walls were completely gone and finally finally Remus could see the love in those endless grey pools. Hope and sorrow and so much love. Just for him.

“God, I missed you” Remus proclaimed before leaning in and kissing him. Sirius kissed back immediately, melting into Remus’ embrace. Remus folded him in, pressing their bodies together until they felt like one perfect whole thing. Full and warm and safe. They stayed like that, entwined in each other, kissing, and clinging to one another with their magic alight around them. Remus didn’t know how long they clutched each other like that, bruising their lips together and holding tight like if they let go the world might suddenly end, but they were eventually pulled from their lover’s embrace by the sound of the floo activating.

They broke apart in surprise, then watched in fascination as the green flames ignited and the faint grid of green magic around the fireplace seared bright, expanding into a tube that went up and out. They stared in awe as a lump appeared in the tube of magical energy and travelled down its length, contracting like a throat swallow before spitting out Peter.

Peter with his soft yellow glitter of magic, with bright pebbles of silky brown swirling through it.

Peter with his nervous twitch and his slightly concerned face as he noticed them in their half-embrace.

Peter with the dark mark, inky and stark on his wrist. Tendrils latched vampirically into his sunny magic’s threads in a similar way to Remus’ bite, but sharper, more focused, as though the magic was clinging back instead of fighting as Remus’ did.

Remus wasn’t sure who broke their hold first, who cast first. All he knew for certain was that one second Sirius and he were both standing there clutching each other tight, and the next they were side by side, wands out and chests heaving as Peter lay out cold between them, two identical flares of red angry magic having sunk into his chest before twin conjured ropes wrapped themselves around him with a shimmering purple glow.

They stood, wands still drawn, breath coming fast and staring at the stunned and tied up man in front of them. Staring at the dark magic visible even through the purple glowing bonds. The black snake slithering out of the skull clinging to the arm pressed to Peter’s side beneath the cords. Remus watched it writhe, feeling sick to his stomach as the snake perpetually twisted. He stared at the black magic tendrils emanating from the skull and digging their spidering roots deep into Peter’s soft chubby forearm, full of sunflower yellow glittering magic. Magic that welcomed those dark tendrils, caressed them, like they’d made a choice to twine together, the mark polluting everything sweet and innocent in Peters magic and turning it’s yellow from sunlit to sickly.

Remus blinked, hoping it would make the image disappear.

When his eyes reopened the snake and skull remained. Magic moste evil indeed.

The silence was deafening for a minute before Sirius spoke. “Well Fuck” he said eloquently.

“Indeed” said Remus, just as astute.

“It’s Peter” Sirius said, in that same flat voice.

“Yes.” Remus nodded, though Sirius was not looking at him.

“Peter’s the spy.” Sirius said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself of it.

“It would appear so.” Remus replied, still feeling like the floor had opened up beneath him.

“Fuck.” Sirius repeated.

“So you’ve said.” Remus said dryly, because what else could he say?

 “We have to tell James. Now.” Sirius said, sounding angry for the first time, and slightly panicked.

“You’ll have to tell me where he lives first.” Remus said resignedly. Sirius was secret keeper, and Remus hadn’t been gifted the Potter’s location, for obvious reasons. (See, everyone thinks Remus is the spy)

“I can’t” Sirius said, sounding both furious and devastated.

“What?” Remus asked confused now, dragging his eyes away from the tainted magic in Peter’s arm for the first time since he arrived to stare at Sirius. “I thought,” Remus gestured to Peter “well, surely this clears me of suspicion in your mind.”

Sirius turned sad eyes on Remus.

“Of course it does Remus, I can’t tell you because I’m not the secret keeper.” Sirius’ voice was still edged with rage, and he looked more anxious than Remus had ever seen him.

Remus’ mind went blank. That was impossible, there was no one outside of the Marauders that James would have trusted with something as important as his family’s safety, and Dumbledore was far too busy playing a strategy game none of them understood to do it himself so…

“Who is it then?” Remus asked dumbfounded.

Sirius cast a sideways glance at Peter’s unmoving form on the ground. Remus looked as well before it suddenly clicked.

“Oh, fuck you” he groaned, “Fuck you Sirius. Really? Peter?”

Sirius was grimacing guiltily. “We live together Moony. I wanted to be wrong, I really did but... if I wasn’t. I wasn’t willing to put them at risk.” He hung his head sadly.

Remus stared at him solemnly, sobered by the reminder that just moments ago they’d thought the worst of each other. They had been wrong, but only about which of their closest friends was a traitor. The thought snapped his attention to the task at hand.

“Caecum facere iterum” Remus muttered pressing his wand to Sirius’ rune before sticking out his own arm expectantly.

After Sirius mimicked him and ended the spell he looked back at Peter’s tightly bound figure, looking innocent in his unconsciousness now that the mark was invisible once more. Wait, was he twitching? Remus cast another stupefy, just to be safe. He turned back to Sirius.

“You should go, bring James and Lily here. We’ll obviously have to recast the Fidelius immediately.” Sirius was still staring at Peter with wild angry eyes. He looked like he wanted to stay, wake Peter up and possibly wring his neck. Remus could sympathise, but unfortunately, they didn’t have the time. There was no telling how many death eaters now knew the Potter’s location “Go Pads. Now.” Remus urged.

Sirius nodded once, glanced at Peter and sent another incarcerous at his prone form on the way to the floo, more thick ropes slithering around him as Sirius stepped into the smouldering fire. Once Sirius had disappeared into the green flames Remus slumped onto their sofa, staring at the pile of ropes that was once one of his best friends unsure how to feel about it all.

~

It wasn’t long before Sirius returned with James, Lily and baby Harry in tow. Harry was crying inconsolably due to the stomach churning floo journey and James and Lily were looking harried. They both glanced down at Peter’s limp form, looking hopelessly heartbroken and a little lost.

“Remus are you okay? Sirius says Peter is the spy” Lily asked, sounding as though she hoped Remus would yell ‘April fools’ at any moment despite it being October.

Remus nodded “He has the dark mark” he added quietly.

Lily pursed her lips, but James just stared at his bound friend.

“I need to see it.” said James, still staring.

“Of course.” said Remus.

“Diffindo!” James cast at the ropes binding Peter.

“Stupify!” cried Lily, Sirius and Remus simultaneously. Peter’s chest jolted with the impact. Remus raised an enquiring eyebrow as he and Sirius both turned to look at Lily in surprise.

She looked back defiantly, baby still in her arms and wand raised.

“Just in case.” she said, business-like tone barely covering the warble in her voice.

“Fair enough” shrugged Sirius as he recast an incarcerous, carefully weaving his magical ropes around Peter so that his left arm dangled out awkwardly but the rest of him was bound tight. James bent and rolled up the sleeve of Peter’s robe and for a second Remus thought he was going to cut Peter’s arm off like Remus had joked with Sirius about earlier. James reached into his pocket and pulled out not a knife, but a small vial of what looked like water.

“Thief’s downfall,” James explained “I nicked some during our last visit to the Gringotts vault, wanted to see if it worked on the cloak.” He said quietly.

“Why, thinking of taking up a career in bank robbery after the war?” Sirius quipped, far too cavalier for the situation. Remus reached out and took his hand, knowing it was a form of self-defence. Sirius grasped the offered hand gratefully.

“You never know.” James shot back, his forced grin a shoddy form of evidence that at one point everyone in this room had been full of love for one another and buoyed by each other’s joy.

James tipped a few drops from the vial onto Peter’s skin and sure enough, his skin shimmered before the illusion was washed away revealing the dark mark in ink so black it could only be magic, the snake in the skull’s mouth moving slightly as though alive. A choked cry tore its way from James’ throat at the sight, the sound tumbling into another until he was weeping openly over the man he’d called friend, the man he’d trusted with his life, his home and his family.

Glancing at the family in question though Remus noticed that Lily’s jaw was set, and her eyes were dry of tears and flinty with a determination and anger so deep Remus for a moment pitied Voldemort for choosing to cross her. Lily Evans loved her family so fiercely that Remus suspected even death would not keep her from protecting those she loved from harm.

He looked from Lily’s ashen but determined face to watch Sirius as he leant over and prodded at the grotesque tattoo curiously, causing Peter’s arm to flop to the side. With a start at the movement James shouted “Stupefy!” and the arm flopped back the other way limply with his spell’s force. “S-sorry, I just saw him m-move.” James stuttered before sobbing even harder. Lily, still simmering with that righteous anger, cast another incarcerous to bind and hide the limb and its curse mark tight once more, her ropes heavy and thick as they coiled around Peter’s limp form and covered the horrific evidence of his betrayal.

For a moment nobody said anything, then James got up from his knees and moved to the sofa, still sniffing. The rest joined him as one. Lily had managed to soothe Harry who was now cooing quietly as she rubbed soothing circles onto James’ back.

Sirius wordlessly took Remus’ hand again once they were seated, clutching it in his own as it rested on his leg.

James continued to cry. He cried for what felt like a long time, but no one spoke. They all just stared silently at their bound betrayer while James wept.

Once James had managed to bring his gasping sobs down to soft sniffs and his tears had dried in crusty streaks on his cheeks Remus cleared his throat. Everyone looked at him simultaneously and he had to suppress the bizarre urge to laugh. He cleared his throat again instead.

“Erm, we should tell someone I suppose, Dumbledore maybe?” Remus said weakly.

“Oh, fuck Dumbledore” Sirius spat and there was so much venom in his voice that Remus couldn’t help looking away from Peter and over at him, he looked as angry as he sounded.

“Fuck him.” Sirius repeated “He’s the reason we’re all scared senseless, fighting in pockets, not allowed to talk to each other, not able to trust each other. He did this.” He pointed angrily at Peter “This is his fault.” Sirius said viciously.

Remus sighed.

“Sirius, be reasonable, Dumbledore is not some omniscient God. He didn’t know it was Peter any more than we did, but the Order needs to know.”

Sirius glared but didn’t say anything else. It was Lily who spoke.

“I agree with Sirius actually.” She said, and Sirius looked at her in surprise, it was rare that anyone sided with him when he was this angry.

“Dumbledore’s been watching us tear ourselves apart with this spy problem and he hasn’t done anything to stop it, yet Remus was able to figure it out in his own with a few books? He might not have known it was Peter, but he should have.” Lily explained “Remus is right in that we need to tell the Order, but as far as Dumbledore is concerned, I don’t think I want to trust him with anything beyond maybe running Harry’s school one day, and even then, perhaps a change in regime is in order.” She huffed. “I’d rather not bring anyone into our circle of trust unless absolutely necessary, least of all Dumbledore. The only people I have ever really trusted are in this room right now, and one of them is a death eater so...”

They all sat in that statement for a moment before Lily carried on. “This time we do it my way. Remus you’ve a place in the country, don’t you?”

“Y-yes?” Remus stumbled, surprised to be addressed. “My mum’s cottage in Wales.”

“Good. We’ll go live there with you and Sirius, and I’ll be your secret keeper. That way the only way I can be betrayed, is by myself.” Lily looked absolute in her decision.

“Erm, right, yes. Okay.” Remus nodded, wondering absently how many sets of clean sheets were in the rickety old place.

“Sirius, you go with James to get all of our linen, clothes and things for Harry” Lily said, as if reading Remus’ mind. “I’ll go get set up for the Fidelius. Remus, can you get Peter to Dumbledore do you think?”

“Yes, of course. I have to report back anyway.” Remus replied, casting another stunner and adding an additional rope charm to bind Peter’s legs. He then levitated the now marginally less limp form of Peter for easier manoeuvrability and began directing him towards the fireplace.

“Great, see you th-” Lily was interrupted by a patronus appearing in the living room and Moody’s voice announcing in gravelly tones that the Potter’s home had been blown up, with no known survivors. Everyone froze, their blood running cold. They had missed him by mere hours.

Lily jumped off the sofa, face ashen. 

“Scratch all that we need to do the charm now. Bring Peter with, we’ll sort him later.”  Lily said her voice commanding. She grabbed her husband’s hand and began dragging him to the fireplace.

They piled into the floo, and the next hour was chaos filled with wards and oaths and Lily placing a very determined Fidelius charm on Remus’ mum’s tiny cottage in the middle of the Welsh countryside, which had exactly two sets of sheets, none of which were clean.

Each time someone passed Peter’s body in the small living room, an incarcerous or stupefy was yelled out, layering his bonds tighter and thicker, making sure he didn’t wake up in their new safe space and ruin everything all over again.

When everything was done, and the sheets magically cleaned and stretched over newly transfigured beds and a crib for Harry they gathered around Peter. Or at least the lump that was once Peter. His form was nearly invisible beneath all the ropes and the small remainder of skin left visible was looking slightly purple, though Remus wasn’t sure if it was from the repeated stupefying or the sheer volume and weight of ropes that now bound him.

“I can take him to Dumbledore, the flat’s living room has access to his floo at Hogwarts.” Remus offered.

“I don’t think you should go Remus” James said, his eyes still red rimmed but his shoulders now set in determination.

“I agree, just stay here Moony, it’s not safe for you to go back to the flat now. Voldemort is bound to be looking for all of us, I bet he went looking for this one the moment he found Godrick hollow empty” Sirius kicked at Peter’s tied up ankle as he spoke.

Remus sighed. “Well, what are we going to do when Peter wakes up? We can’t just live with a death eater indefinitely.”

“I don’t think that will be an issue actually.” Lily said, her voice sounding a little distant and strained, Remus looked over in confusion ad watched as she crouched over Peter’s prone form, finger pressed under the ropes that wound up to the base of his throat.

“What do you mean?” Remus asked, puzzled.

“Diffindo” Lily cast, in demonstration, and Remus watched with a sort of detached horror as Peter’s slightly purple face lolled sideways and his arms flopped lifelessly at his sides.

“Is he- dead?” James asked, sounding more confused than upset.

Sirius crouched down and prodded at the arm boasting the now dull and unmoving dark mark. “Definitely dead, he’s ice cold” Sirius stated, not sounding at all upset.

“How though?” Remus voiced, feeling stunned.

Lily raised her wand and cast a few diagnostic charms she had learnt while studying to be a healer briefly before the war overtook their lives. She pursed her lips when she was done.

“As far as I can tell, he died of a lack of oxygen to his brain. My best guess would be that’s either from repeated exposure to the stunning jinx or slow asphyxiation under the weight of all these ropes.” Lily kicked at the cut tangle demonstratively. “Maybe a bit of both” she added. The four friends looked at each other in quiet disbelief for a moment.

Harry, who had been playing in a small baby cage (Remus was sure it had a different, less awful name but it looked like a cage to him) broke into wild applause and giggled. They all started violently and looked at him in horror, he couldn’t see the body, his view blocked by the sofa and appeared to be cheering on a dust mote glittering in the lamp light, but his laughter had broken something in the serious, grim atmosphere and James snickered. This set off Sirius and then Lily and soon Remus joined them, and they were all laughing at the cheerful little toddler. The sound of their delight ringing loud and full over the corpse of a man they’d thought their friend a mere sunset before. The sound of Sirius’ loud barking laugh as it echoed around them sounded like freedom to Remus. It sounded like truth, and safety and a future.

~

In the end, over glasses of dusty scotch Sirius had somehow smuggled from their flat and biscuits preserved too long in a tin with a permanent status charm on it that they’d found in the back of a cupboard, they decided the best solution was to send Peter’s corpse to Dumbledore, transfigured as something innocuous, with a note explaining. Lily suggested a pot plant, which Remus thought was brilliant but then Sirius and James bickered over the type of plant for so long that Lily ended up hexing them both twice before they settled down and Remus realised that they could save their magic and just force him into his Animagus form.

“A rat, we really should have known” Sirius lamented, gazing with distaste at the small limp body of Wormtail. Remus hummed in agreement as he fished out a piece of clean parchment from his things and wrote a note, explaining their discovery and decision to go off grid. He used a sticking charm to pin the note to rat’s corpse before deciding it was a little too grim and popped the rat in the small cloth bag that he used to keep his quills clean, attaching the note to the outside. Then, rifling through the satchel he had grabbed on his way out of the flat he duplicated his notes on the charm that had allowed he and Sirius to see dark magic and attached those to the back of the letter. Then he tied a second bag of coins to the first with a clearly penned address and flooed the lot to the Diagon Alley’s Owlery for posting.  

Yay!” cried baby Harry from Lily’s arms, clapping his pudgy hands together as the flames roared tall making the package disappear. Harry had always delighted in watching the green fire.

Sirius threw back his head and laughed at the child’s innocent joy. Remus pulled him closer and kissed his brow and Sirius smiled, turning his face into Remus’ and kissing his chin softly.

“Take me to bed Moony.” Sirius said breathlessly.

James leant over and covered Harry’s ears in mock horror. “For shame! There is a child present!”

Sirius just pulled a tongue at him, taking Remus’ hand and pulling him along as he headed for their room.

They walked to the small bedroom Remus had used as a child, now with a magically enlarged bed in it and Remus pulled the door shut behind them as they entered.

Sirius flopped onto the bed, elbows on his knees looking slightly adrift.

“Do you think I killed him? When I accidentally kicked him in the head trying to set up Harry’s cage?” Sirius asked.

“No Pads I think we all killed him with all the rope and Stupefys. Just like Lily said.” Remus said gently.

“Is it bad that I’m not sad? I mean, I loved him, and I know I should be sad, but I’m not, I’m just angry.” Sirius sighed as though it would dispel that anger.

Remus thought about his answer before giving it. “I don’t think it’s bad. As long as you don’t let that anger, you know, fester. It’s okay not be sad until later, or to never be sad. If all you ever feel is angry about it, then it’s valid to feel that way Sirius.”

“I feel… relieved too, not just angry. And guilty, for being here, for being… happy. Can we just… hide away here for the rest of the war? Happy and in love and safe?” Sirius sounded almost hopeful. “I don’t suppose we could just stop fighting and call it quits because we murdered our best mate, could we?”

Remus pursed his lips. “We could, we could do whatever we wanted to. I think…” he sighed and came to sit next to Sirius on the bed, lacing their fingers. “I think we probably won’t want to though, not long term anyway, but for now us being here protects Lily and James, and we’ve done a lot of fighting. So maybe it’s okay to take a short break, even if we did just murder our best mate.” He smiled at Sirius and Sirius smiled back looking mildly relieved.

Then he cocked his head, and he was suddenly all mischief.

“Do you think our magic changes when we climax?” Sirius asked, eyes bright.

Remus laughed, because after everything they had learnt today, from their own innocence, to Peter’s guilt, with Remus’ curse latching to his magical core in between that question was so outlandish, so messy and silly and curious and so very Sirius that all he could do was laugh as Sirius grinned fiendishly at him.

“Only one way to find out.” Remus chuckled as he pressed a still half smiling kiss into Sirius’ hair, another onto his neck and then one to his lips. Their laughter gave way to soft shaky breaths and then shuddering gasps as he pressed Sirius down onto the bed, climbing on top of him and smoothing his hands across Sirius’ pale tattoo strewn skin, lovingly caressing the forearm he now knew was bare to the bone and even the magic beneath, tracing his fingertips across Sirius clavicle and then down his other arm, dragging softly on the rune he had carved there earlier that day, though it felt like an age ago now.

Remembering Sirius’ query Remus muttered the activation phrase, wordlessly summoning his wand and pressing it into the centre of the mark as he did. Sirius fluttered his lashes open and stared in awe at Remus’ swirling billowing chiaroscuro of magic, light and shadow at war. Sirius wriggled beneath him a bit trying to get his wand out of his back pocket before giving up and using Remus’ own wand to activate his matching rune. Remus stared in awe at the cool licking flames of Sirius’ magic ebbing from his centre in waves so bright Remus was amazed he couldn’t feel them as they crashed over him.

“God you’re so fucking beautiful” Sirius said, pulling Remus out of his reverie with words that Remus had been about to voice himself looking at Sirius.

Remus blushed furiously at having the compliment stolen out from under him.

“Look who’s talking” He mumbled softly, hiding his face in Sirius’ throat. Sirius wriggled beneath him again.

“Fuck. Today was such a weird day. I still feel agitated, like I can’t sit still.” Sirius grumbled.

Remus looked at him, he could see the restlessness Sirius sometimes displayed but more than that, his glowing magic was flaring and guttering erratically, he looked like a star about to implode. Remus sat him up and kissed him swiftly before beginning to purposefully, carefully undress him. Sirius stilled as Remus peeled away his clothing, layer by layer, until Sirius was bare between his thighs and looking up at Remus in awe.

Still silent Remus stood and took his own clothes off, seeing Sirius’ eyes catch on the puckered mark of his bite in a way they hadn’t since school, back when Remus and he were still undressing in a frenzy in the dark or under the covers, and catching a glimpse of bare skin was a rarity that was savoured.

Back then Remus would always hide as much of his mutilated skin as he could, but time and years of Sirius whispering worshiping words into his scars had made him unashamed to be naked around Sirius. Though he still couldn’t look at himself and see anything but damage, he believed Sirius when he told Remus he liked what he saw. It was this belief that stopped Remus recoiling at Sirius’ stare now, though he needn’t have worried, Remus knew it wasn’t the scarred flesh that was tugging at Sirius’ attention. It was the light consuming curse ebbing from its centre and scarring his magic that now drew his wide and sorrowful eyes.

Remus shivered as Sirius trailed a silvery blue shrouded finger over the pattern of the bite. His bright cold magic kissed the black smoky trails and soothed them down. Remus looked up and pressed his palms to Sirius’ shoulders. Obediently, Sirius flopped back onto the bed and Remus crawled over him, remembering to throw up a delicate lavender hued silencing charm before lowering himself onto Sirius and kissing him softly, purposefully. He kept kissing him as Sirius groaned into his mouth, opening his lips for the slide of Remus’ tongue as he deepened their kiss.

~~~

It had been so long since they’d kissed like this, unhurried and languid and free of that undercurrent of anger and pain that felt ever present once the war began. Remus relished in the feeling, pressing himself into Sirius everywhere they touched, letting his hands explore where they didn’t. Only once Sirius was whiney and shaking beneath him, cock half hard and pressing into the soft of Remus’ stomach did Remus move his mouth’s attention elsewhere. He kept his eyes open as he did, admiring the way Sirius seemed to glow softly with the light of his magic, as though his skin was drenched in shimmering moonlight.

Slowly and deliberately, Remus trailed tender open-mouthed kisses along Sirius’ jaw, then dragged his teeth and tongue down the column of Sirius’ throat, sliding his hand up Sirius’ inner thigh as he did and enjoying the resulting sharp intake of breath and sudden arch in Sirius’ back. Remus kept his eyes open as he went, wanting to see the magic react. He noted Sirius’ magic had become almost lazy as Sirius became more and more frenzied. It spilled out of him, now more like fluid than light, pooling around him on the bed and washing through the spill of his hair. The quicksilver seemed to ripple off his shoulders and hips as though he lay in a silvery splatter of blue ice and smoky silver-white fire.

When Remus’ mouth reached Sirius’ stomach, he had to shut his eyes against the luminous glow emanating from Sirius’ centre, but once his lips were firmly wrapped around Sirius’ cock, he opened them again, squinting in the throbbing brightness as he swallowed Sirius down. Taking him deep and slow.

Soon Sirius was gasping and squirming, and his magic had soaked back into his skin and was glowing close to the surface. Almost like the closer Sirius got to release the more his magic condensed within him. Remus inserted one finger, and then two, watching as the light pulsed brighter and warmer than before, the ice blue blushing to a bruised lilac that made Remus think of a spring sunset after rain.

He thrust his fingers in time with his bobbing throat and soon Sirius was clutching the sheets and begging Remus for release, his thighs shaking with the effort to hold himself steady and the dawn hue of magic around him vibrating in anticipation. Remus pulled off and out and kissed away the devastated groan Sirius let out at being denied his orgasm.

“Patience my love.” Remus whispered, pressing a kiss to Sirius’ sternum and stretching to grab his wand and cast spells he’d done countless times before but which in the moment felt almost like their first time, a sacred and precious part of a ritual leading up to its final devoted movement. The spells were almost colourless as they slipped from his wand and into Sirius, showing only the ghost of an opaque minty hue.

Sirius shivered from his spine as Remus spread Sirius’ legs and lifted his knees to his chest.

“Is this okay?” Remus checked and Sirius grabbed at him groaning “Yes” and tugging Remus closer, making it clear what he wanted and where. Remus chuckled; Sirius had never been a docile bottom.

Remus lined himself up and after a few apology strokes of Sirius’ now slippery length he pressed himself to Sirius’ entrance, biting his lip as he sunk slowly into the heat and tightness until he was surrounded by a flare of hazy purplish-blue magic threaded with ribbons of living silver.

Once he had seated himself completely, he looked down at them both as he waited for Sirius to adjust to the stretch, marvelling at how his own gold and red magic twined around Sirius’, caressing the tendrils of silver and mixing with the lavender blue until they were both cloaked in a dusky rose light with glittering silver and gold dusting the edges like filigree everywhere their bodies met.

The darkness in Remus seemed to retreat in that warm rosy glow, hugging the scars on his body as though this up-close exposure to the purity of Sirius and his magic was bad for its ‘health’. Without the shadow tangling up his magic Remus felt freer, more powerful, almost as if the visual proof that it was retreating inside himself gave him better access to his own magic. He pulled out slowly then quickly snapped his hips so he slid back in hard, holding himself there as deep as he could go. He looked down at their joined bodies again, relishing the slow intense heat, watching Sirius and his luminous magic sparkle with the pleasure of the glide of his cock.

He fucked Sirius like that for a while, maintaining a deliciously tempered pace, watching as Sirius grew more and more desperate and his magic more and more effervescent.

When Sirius was begging, chanting Remus’ name like a prayer Remus finally reached between them, fingers curling around the hot angry red base of Sirius’ dick and squeezing.

“Open your eyes love.” Remus instructed before resuming his pace, pounding into Sirius slow and dirty, hand moving on his cock in time with his thrusts until Sirius shattered beneath him. Looking like a dying star collapsing in on itself, light and fragments of reflective magical energy shooting out suddenly before pulling back into Sirius’ core, almost folding in on themselves like they were being magnetically yanked inwards. Then when the light had all but disappeared, dimmed to a soft haze Sirius shouted Remus’ name as his magic flared in glaring white arc. The moment was so bright it nearly blinded Remus, and he came a moment later, shattering at the way Sirius tensed around him, his orgasm hitting him harder and faster than he expected. He unable to keep his eyes open with the force of it and the glare of the red-hot light combined.

Remus was shaking slightly when his heart rate returned to normal, and he slipped out of Sirius gingerly.

~~~

“Wow.” was all Sirius managed to say, staring at Remus in awe.

“Yeah.” Remus replied. Ending the spell after admiring the way Sirius’ pale blue magical signature, now the colour of a clear morning sky, rippled off him like something more viscous than water.

Sirius did the same and kissed him sweetly before flopping back down and staring at Remus in wonder.

“Your curse disappeared when you came, I thought it might take over in the moment but it just sort of, got washed out completely by the gold and scarlet.” Sirius traced a finger over the scar again, expression thoughtful.

“Huh” was all Remus could think to say, it was a strange thing to imagine, being free of his curse completely in his moment of release, but once Sirius said it aloud Remus knew it was true, it felt true. He never felt more himself than when he was with Sirius.

“It’s nice, knowing it’s just us in that moment” Sirius said.

Remus smiled, “It is.”

“I love you Remus” Sirius said softly. He whispered it like a confession, like a child admitting to wanting something they knew they were not allowed to have.

Remus turned his eyes on Sirius, admiring his sex softened appearance and rumpled hair. “I know. I love you too Sirius” he said gently.

Sirius gave him a watery smile in return. “Thank you for- for everything. You took a leap of faith today and I- I don’t know what I’d do without you Moony. I hate to think where we might have ended up if you hadn’t been so brilliant. So, thank you for not giving up on us, for not giving up on me.”

“I would never give up on you Sirius Black.” Remus said quietly.

Sirius laughed, a sad laugh that told Remus he didn’t believe him. But that was okay, if today had taught Remus anything it was that they didn’t have to believe each other all the time. They just had to keep loving each other, with their eyes wide open.

Together, nothing felt too hard to face. Not death eater Peter or the Potters being hunted by Voldemort or even dying in this stupid war.

Even the letter that arrived the next day could not dampen their spirits. It announced irritably that yes, Dumbledore had received the note and spell pages but unfortunately the bag provided had had a rather large hole bitten into it and the owl delivering the blood stained letter had been suspiciously reluctant when accepting its treats, as though it had already eaten a large meal that day. The letter went on to grouch that Dumbledore supposed he would just have to trust their claims regarding Peter with a blind faith.

Remus and Sirius had laughed at the wording, because even if they had murdered their best friend and then unwittingly fed him to a peckish delivery owl, they knew they could work through it together.

Together they would face anything life had to offer.

Eyes wide open, no blind faith necessary.

The end.