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Chapter Text

In his past life, Shen Qingqiu had often lost sleep and sanity over how clueless some of the characters in stories could be. How could they not notice a close friend acting strangely the night before a betrayal, or an advisor suddenly taking a different approach to their guidance? How many times did Shen Qingqiu have to read a shitty plot twist that he had seen coming chapters previously, just because the protagonists themselves were incapable of picking up on when a character starts acting suspiciously??

In reality…

Shen Qingqiu tracks Luo Binghe’s movement across the little bamboo house, slowly sipping at the tea that Luo Binghe had obediently prepared for him when he’d come home for the day. Oddly, there was no second teacup anywhere in sight. Luo Binghe himself was busy tending to something in the kitchen.

Luo Binghe has never turned down the opportunity to take tea with Shen Qingqiu, not since the first time Shen Qingqiu had allowed it years ago. Neither has he ever gone so long fussing with dinner preparations without checking in on how Shen Qingqiu is doing; on an average day, Shen Qingqiu catches Luo Binghe glancing back at him every chance he can get, like a dog checking to make sure their owner still holds the other end of their leash.

It isn’t just this afternoon that Luo Binghe has been acting especially oddly, either - the past few days have seen Luo Binghe acting nearly skittish, and studying so late into the night that he wakes more sluggish than a strapping young protagonist with dream powers ever should. Yesterday Shen Qingqiu had even seen Luo Binghe yawning, which had caught Shen Qingqiu so off guard that he’d ended up just rudely staring at Luo Binghe’s sharp canines from across the room instead of doing something useful like usher the boy back into bed.

Odd behavior, coming from seemingly nowhere - Shen Qingqiu’s fingers itch with the long-ingrained desire to write a scolding comment. He’s no better than any of his most hated protagonists, if all he does is sit here and sip tea, not bothering to address the change in Luo Binghe’s behavior! He’s asking to be hit over the head with the deadly part of a plot twist! Begging to be downgraded from scum villain to canon fodder!!

Except, in reality…

Well, the Immortal Alliance Conference is coming up - of course Luo Binghe would be studying hard for it. He’s still at the sweet white sheep stage of his life, too, not yet the blackened emperor who knows no defeat, so it makes sense for Luo Binghe to be a bit nervous. And if it isn’t the Immortal Alliance Conference, it’s a bottleneck in Luo Binghe’s demonic training that can’t be overcome with his cradle seal still intact, or relationship troubles with Ning Yingying, or any number of things that could bother a kid Luo Binghe’s age.

Sure, the behavior is abnormal, but so is Luo Binghe’s life at large! Who is Shen Qingqiu to question the workings of a teenage boy’s mind?!

…In reality, detecting odd behavior is a very different animal from assigning a motive to it.

Shen Qingqiu sighs. His tea isn’t quite as good as it usually is. Usually, Luo Binghe is there to quietly slip extra sweetener into Shen Qingqiu’s cup when Shen Qingqiu himself is busy pretending he’s an immortal master who’s never heard of a sweetener in his life. 

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu calls, setting his cup down with the intention of forgetting about it and never drinking another sip of its too-bitter contents. “Come entertain your master for a bit, hm?”

“Begging Shizun’s pardon, but this disciple could never be so unfilial as to allow Shizun’s dinner to become burnt from inattention,” Luo Binghe replies. He doesn’t even so much as glance over his shoulder to send Shen Qingqiu a pitiful, look-at-this-abandoned-puppy expression! 

Shen Qingqiu frowns. “What unfilial? Isn’t it better to be obedient when I call for you?”

“How could Shizun’s head disciple be anything but obedient?”

“Hm,” Shen Qingqiu says, instead of listing in detail all the ways this over-confident head disciple of his so often acts on his own. “Then, perhaps Binghe would like to very obediently fetch your Liu-Shishu to entertain me, since Binghe himself is unavailable for the task?”

Silently, Luo Binghe takes the food off the heat and slinks over to join Shen Qingqiu at the table, bringing the missing second teacup along with him. Shen Qingqiu hides the amused quirk of his lips behind his hand; this sticky disciple of his is really too predictable!

“How can this disciple entertain?” Luo Binghe asks. “Surely, Shizun wasn’t expecting a game of weiqi or a lively debate, if he was expecting Liu-Shishu to easily take this disciple’s place.”

Shen Qingqiu snorts. “Your Liu-Shishu is quite good at weiqi, you know - it’s one of the few arts practiced with any frequency on Bai Zhan, since it isn’t bad for learning war strategy.”

“I’ll have to ask Liu-Shishu for instruction, then,” Luo Binghe says sunnily, and Shen Qingqiu lights a candle in his heart for the future overly-petty weiqi matches Luo Binghe is sure to challenge Liu Qingge to later.

Not that Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t want to see it himself. 

He clears his throat, taking the second teacup from Luo Binghe and busying himself with preparing it for him. “Truthfully, I was hoping to speak with Binghe about what’s been on his mind lately.”

“This disciple is always happy to talk about Shizun,” Luo Binghe says pleasantly.

“Cheeky,” Shen Qingqiu scolds without much real bite. “One of these days, Binghe will regret practicing all his lines on this old man instead of a pretty girl.”

Saying so, Shen Qingqiu finishes making up Luo Binghe’s tea and pushes it back across the table for him. Luo Binghe takes it, adds additional sweetener, and swaps it for Shen Qingqiu’s own unsweetened cup. Very cheeky. 

Shen Qingqiu allows it without comment anyway.

“So?” Shen Qingqiu prods, taking a sip of his (now pleasantly sweet) tea. “Is Binghe going to tell me what’s been bothering him, or should I start taking guesses?”

Luo Binghe fidgets, looking down at his fingers. Shen Qingqiu remembers reading the chapter of PIDW where Luo Binghe - post abyss, but still before his reign as emperor - had trained the habit out of himself after realizing that such a physical sign of nervousness would not go unpunished by either demons or humans in power. 

A shame, really - isn’t it better for powerful demons to be a bit cute like this, sometimes? A little bit of gap moe never hurt anyone, ah!

“Recently,” Luo Binghe finally says, “this disciple has discovered a way to help someone.”

Shen Qingqiu nods approvingly. “Binghe is always doing our Qing Jing Peak proud.”

Luo Binghe fidgets a bit more, looking embarrassed. 

“The form of help is… personal,” he says, the tips of his ears bright pink.

“Ah,” Shen Qingqiu says, fighting embarrassment himself. 

A personal form of help, coming from Luo Binghe? What else could it be but the heavenly pillar’s magical healing bullshit! 

Luo Binghe, tell this master honestly, what have you been getting up to that you’ve discovered this property of your bloodline so much earlier than the original PIDW, ah?! 

Shen Qingqiu clears his throat. No need to back down! Shen Qingqiu is an immortal master in a world where dual cultivation is a common treatment. Even more pertinent, he grew up with the internet - certainly, he can offer good advice here.

In fact, if Luo Binghe is hesitating, this is the perfect opportunity for Shen Qingqiu to teach this future harem-master to be more picky about who he administers his magical cures to - yes, Shen Qingqiu can really offer some good advice about that!!

“Is Binghe deliberating whether he should offer such personal assistance?”

Luo Binghe makes a face. “Not as such. Rather, this disciple is struggling to decide whether he should act on his own, without making an offer to begin with.”

Shen Qingqiu feels his expression twitch. Luo Binghe?! Has this master somehow managed to raise you worse than the original goods?! He takes it all back, ah - a harem in the triple digits is actually alright, so long as all those empty-headed wives agreed willingly!!

“Binghe, this master has perhaps been, ah, remiss in his teachings, but when it comes to this sort of thing - that is, ahem, consent can be - I mean, ah, Binghe, when someone says ‘no,’ it should be taken at face value, and - well, even if there is no direct statement, consider the circumstances, and - and…”

Shen Qingqiu trails off. Luo Binghe is staring at him with an openly concerned expression. 

…Forget it!! What girl would say ‘no’ to Luo Binghe to begin with!!

“Nevermind it,” Shen Qingqiu says, snapping open his fan and raising it high in front of his face. 

“This disciple would never dismiss his master’s teachings,” Luo Binghe says, even though his expression still very clearly says that he plans on fetching Mu Qingfang the second Shen Qingqiu’s back is turned to examine Shen Qingqiu for mental fatigue or some bullshit. 

Shen Qingqiu makes a face behind his fan. “Except for when this master’s teachings are to forget something, clearly.”

Luo Binghe smiles pleasantly and says nothing. 

“No matter,” Shen Qingqiu says, snapping his fan shut into the palm of his hand and firmly deciding to move on by pretending like nothing had happened. “Just tell this master - why is Binghe hesitating to clarify things with this person?”

“This disciple believes that they already know the option exists but is ignoring it out of a sense of propriety,” Luo Binghe answers, sounding reluctant.

“She knows the option exists?” Shen Qingqiu asks, a bit startled. Did any of Luo Binghe’s early courtships ever know about Luo Binghe’s demonic heritage?

“This disciple is nearly certain.”

“...How certain?” Shen Qingqiu asks, trying to mentally calculate the chances that Sha Hualing or a similarly demonic young lady has been sneaking into Cang Qiong for play dates. After all, certainly that would be more likely than Luo Binghe going around telling young cultivators about his heritage, right?! 

Luo Binghe sends Shen Qingqiu a dubious look. Shen Qingqiu stares back, expectant. 

“...Has Shizun truly read all the texts in the Qing Jing library?” Luo Binghe eventually asks.

Shen Qingqiu blinks, a bit surprised by the non-sequitur. He hasn’t actually read everything - in fact, he’s really only read a handful of cultivation manuals to have an idea of what he should be teaching his disciples - but it isn’t odd for Luo Binghe to assume that he has. After all, Shen Qingqiu commonly uses ‘some old book’ as the convenient excuse for pieces of monster or meta knowledge that aren’t so common. 

“How could this master claim to be the lord of Qing Jing without having covered all the literature on our own peak?” He eventually answers. 

Luo Binghe nods. “Then, this disciple is certain.”

…Was that supposed to be a metaphor? Was that meant to compare Shen Qingqiu’s knowledge of the library to Luo Binghe’s knowledge of the young lady he’s courting? What did those things have to do with each other??

“I see,” Shen Qingqiu says, not seeing at all. 

Luo Binghe continues to look at Shen Qingqiu expectantly, waiting for Shen Qingqiu’s promised advice. Shen Qingqiu considers hiding behind his fan again.

He doesn’t quite understand the situation, but it sounds like it’s just… a wife plot happening a bit early? There were certainly plenty of them later on in the story that went this route, wives that would blush and demur and say they couldn’t possibly take advantage of Luo Binghe’s good will before doing just that.

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t necessarily want to encourage Luo Binghe to be chasing wives by means of his life saving heavenly pillar - such an irritating plot line is destined to crop up often enough without Shen Qingqiu’s advice pushing it along.

He also, unfortunately, doesn’t quite have the heart to send one of those poor, vapid young women to their deaths by telling Luo Binghe not to act on her behalf. 

After deliberating for some time, Shen Qingqiu sighs. “Well,” he says, “if the problem that this person is suffering from is severe -”

“It is,” Luo Binghe cuts in, expression mulish. “Although the afflicted person seems content to pretend it is not.”

“...Right. Well, if it’s quite necessary, then perhaps… Binghe could find a way to dismiss this person’s reservations about the, ah, personal nature of the solution?” Shen Qingqiu hesitates, and then with great reluctance, adds: “If Binghe were to make it an official matter rather than a personal one…”

Luo Binghe’s expression grows contemplative, and Shen Qingqiu instantly regrets it.

Ah, just hinting that his white lotus start thinking about marriage makes Shen Qingqiu’s teeth itch! What if starting out even earlier makes the marriage-addiction worse? What if his little sheep ends up with a harem even worse than the original, just because he started so young! 

Forget it, forget it, Shen Qingqiu will just advise that this unfortunate young lady bite the bullet! Luo Binghe is too young to be healing maidens this way just yet, too young!!

Shen Qingqiu clears his throat, smoothing his robes out. “Ah, nevermind it, Binghe. Truly, you’re too young to be worrying about these sorts of things just yet - what you really ought to do is simply bring the problem forward to someone else. Cang Qiong is not poor for miracle remedies and the like; surely whatever ailment this person suffers from can be resolved without your, ah, personal involvement.”

“...Shizun is wise as always,” Luo Binghe allows. “This disciple will follow your advice carefully.”

Shen Qingqiu smiles, relieved that Luo Binghe seems amenable to allowing someone else to do the dirty work, and very quickly puts the whole terrible matter behind him.

---

Yue Qingyuan arrives without former notice, as is his general habit.

“Shixiong,” Shen Qingqiu greets, allowing Yue Qingyuan in. “If I’d known to expect you, I could’ve prepared snacks.”

Read: I won’t vanish like a spooked cat if you just send a polite heads up, so stop showing up without notice like a nosy older sibling, ah!

Yue Qingyuan smiles, perfectly pleasant. “My apologies, Shen-Shidi; the matter was somewhat abrupt.”

Shen Qingqiu suppresses a sigh. Abrupt matters are rarely pleasant; the quiet afternoon he’d been looking forward to is likely not going to happen. 

“Well, come in then - I’ll make tea.”

“Shen-Shidi doesn’t have to force himself,” Yue Qingyuan says, even as he happily seats himself at the low table in the bamboo house.

Shen Qingqiu nearly rolls his eyes. At least try not to look so thrilled about being invited in, your words truly don’t match your actions! 

“So what can this one do for Shixiong?” Shen Qingqiu asks, heading off towards the small kitchen.

He isn’t nearly as talented at making tea as Luo Binghe, but Luo Binghe has been out of the house all day. If Shen Qingqiu’s lucky, Luo Binghe’s sixth sense that visitors are at the bamboo house will activate, and he’ll arrive in time to take over tea and snack duty. If he isn’t… well, Shen Qingqiu can pretend it’s a scientific study, or something: how poorly does tea have to be made before Yue Qingyuan’s golden retriever smile wavers? Experts want to know!

“It isn’t so important,” Yue Qingyuan answers. “Only, I noticed that Shen-Shidi hadn’t submitted a report for the recent off-peak mission he took his disciples on…”

Shen Qingqiu frowns, pausing to glance back at Yue Qingyuan. The last off-peak mission Shen Qingqiu had supervised had been nearly two weeks ago; Luo Binghe is usually so eager to get praised for stealing Ming Fan’s job from under him that it was unusual for him to take even half that to submit paperwork. 

“My apologies,” Shen Qingqiu says, “I’m sure it’s been done, it must have simply gotten buried among other papers before it could be delivered.”

“Of course,” Yue Qingyuan allows, which Shen Qingqiu feels is rather generous given that papers meant for Qiong Ding are certainly not the sorts that should be allowed to get mixed up with others.

Ah, favoritism truly has its benefits!

“Well,” Shen Qingqiu says, turning away from Yue Qingyuan once more to begin rummaging through his cupboards for the tea. “As an unofficial report - the trip was quite successful. The senior disciples of Qing Jing have become especially adept in fine qi control, and the junior disciples are coming along quite nicely as well.”

None quite so well as Luo Binghe, of course, but that’s only to be expected. Now if only Luo Binghe were as good at organizing the kitchen as he were at showing off his martial skills…

Luo Binghe, with all the narratively convenient timing of a protagonist, chooses that moment to return home.

“Shizun! This disciple is -” Luo Binghe stops short after entering, eyeing Yue Qingyuan. 

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu greets, barely turning to look at him, “Greet your Shibo properly. Also, what cabinet did you put the tea in? Isn’t it meant to be in this one, ah?”

Luo Binghe’s expression grows a bit amused, quickly saluting Yue Qingyuan before trotting over to join Shen Qingqiu in the kitchen. “That’s the cabinet for Shizun’s snacks,” he says, grinning toothily. “The tea Shizun saves for guests is kept a bit further out of reach -”

Shen Qingqiu swats at Luo Binghe with his fan. This brat!! And in front of his Shibo, too!!

Luo Binghe’s snaggletooth grin only grows wider as he reaches for the cabinet one to the left of where Shen Qingqiu had been searching. “No worries, Shizun, this disciple can -”

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it! I was going to look in that cabinet next, ah…” Shen Qingqiu says, shooing Luo Binghe away. So what if Shen Qingqiu had originally been hoping for this very offer of Luo Binghe taking over tea duty - no way can he accept it now!! He has to maintain some dignity in front of Yue Qingyuan!! 

As if he’s been obedient this whole time, Luo Binghe quickly backs off and - suspiciously - exits the kitchen entirely to go rejoin Yue Qingyuan in the little seating room. 

Shen Qingqiu’s little sheep? Voluntarily relinquishing the kitchen and going to spend time with one of the martial uncles that Shen Qingqiu usually has to scold him into pretending to respect??

He’s already decided to try and save face here, though; he can’t call Luo Binghe back now! And there - the tea canister Shen Qingqiu recognizes as the fancy guest tea is in this other cabinet. He really could have sworn it was kept in the other one, but - ah, whatever, whatever!! He’ll just move it back when he’s done!

In the other room, Shen Qingqiu hears Luo Binghe ask sweetly: “Zhangmen-Shibo, could this disciple bother you for a bit? This disciple had meant to ask Shizun, but since he’s busy…”

There’s the sound of fabric rustling as Yue Qingyuan shifts in place. Shen Qingqiu wonders what his expression looks like - his fellow peak lords seem to have mixed opinions on Luo Binghe. Shen Qingqiu knows well enough that Luo Binghe is a bit spoiled, but what can the other peak lords say? Could they really scold him for letting Luo Binghe get away with too much, when they’d said nothing in the past when Luo Binghe had been beaten instead of pet? 

“...Of course, Shizhi,” Yue Qingyuan says. 

In the kitchen, measuring out the correct amount of tea leaves, Shen Qingqiu nods approvingly to himself: if his little sheep is finally comfortable branching out and asking for help from more people than just his own Shizun, Shen Qingqiu will make sure that behavior is encouraged appropriately!

“It’s a bit embarrassing,” Luo Binghe warns, and there’s a rustle of old paper as he draws something out. One of his current study aids, perhaps? “This disciple learned his letters a bit late, and sometimes has trouble recognizing one.”

Shen Qingqiu flinches in surprise and nearly knocks over the tea canister, then nearly knocks over the teacups over in his scramble to catch the canister, and then stands very still with a saved cup in one hand and the canister in the other as if his stillness might hide all the embarrassingly clumsy noises he’d just made during the whole process.

Luo Binghe? Admitting to his late literacy, one of his greatest sore spots, without it being part of a grand plan of manipulation or seduction?? 

Binghe, tell this master honestly, have you mistaken the sect leader for a woman?! Yue Qingyuan’s chest might be generous, but those are manly pecs, not a woman’s breasts! Manly, you hear this master - manly!! Not to mention out of your age bracket!! No seduction plans are necessary here, feel free to tuck your vulnerability back away out of sight!

There’s a moment’s silence. Shen Qingqiu can very much feel both Yue Qingyuan’s and Luo Binghe’s gaze on him through the doorway to the kitchen. Embarrassed, Shen Qingqiu clears his throat and sets the cup and canister back down to continue making tea. 

“Cang Qiong accepts a great number of students each year in Shizhi’s situation,” Yue Qingyuan says. They just never end up on Qing Jing, he leaves out. “Which letter is it?”

Another rustling of paper as Luo Binghe hands over the scroll and Yue Qingyuan looks it over. 

“This, here -”

“Ah,” Yue Qingyuan says. “That’s an older way of referring to qi-based poisons. It isn’t used much anymore, so…”

Yue Qingyuan falls silent. When Shen Qingqiu glances over his shoulder to glance at him from the kitchen, the permanently pleasant smile on his face has faded, and he’s reading the scroll with a single-minded intensity. 

Before Shen Qingqiu can call out to him, though, Yue Qingyuan stands with a start, his eyes snapping to meet Shen Qingqiu’s through the doorway to the kitchen. Shen Qingqiu frowns, growing increasingly concerned, but -

“Thanking Zhangmen-Shibo,” Luo Binghe cuts in. “This disciple still has a long way to go before he will be able to read every piece of text in the Qing Jing library like Shizun has.”

Yue Qingyuan pauses, one foot already off balance from where he’d been about to march over to Shen Qingqiu.

“...Is this scroll… also from the Qing Jing library?” Yue Qingyuan asks, voice strained.

“It is,” Luo Binghe answers, smiling pleasantly. 

“Just what scroll is this?” Shen Qingqiu asks, abandoning the half-prepared tea and approaching the two of them. 

It had better not be some awful yellow book one of his disciples slipped in - his face really couldn’t take it if Luo Binghe was trying to tell on Shen Qingqiu for not better managing his disciples, or something!

Yue Qingyuan glances at Luo Binghe, then at Shen Qingqiu. His expression looks especially pained. 

“A scroll on qi-based poisons,” Luo Binghe dutifully answers, helpfully providing zero context at all since Shen Qingqiu had already heard that term used when Yue Qingyuan had first taken the scroll.

“Yes,” Yue Qingyuan agrees faintly. 

Shen Qingqiu nearly rolls his eyes. When he reaches out to take the scroll from Yue Qingyuan, though, Yue Qingyuan steps back, neatly rolling it up and tucking it in his sleeve out of reach. Shen Qingqiu narrows his eyes at him.

“Would Luo-Shizhi mind terribly if I borrowed this for a bit?” Yue Qingyuan asks, carefully ignoring Shen Qingqiu’s death glare.

“Lending material from Qing Jing is not often a responsibility of a disciple,” Shen Qingqiu cuts in dryly.

“This disciple is honored to be given extra responsibilities, and will be sure to carry them well,” Luo Binghe says as if in agreement. “Alongside the scroll, Shibo should take this -”

Saying so, Luo Binghe pulls a set of papers from his sleeve and hands them to Yue Qingyuan. They are unmistakingly the very reports from the recent off-peak mission that Yue Qingyuan had originally come here for.

“Thanking Luo-Shizhi,” Yue Qingyuan says, barely glancing at them as he takes them. “Then, I’ll leave Shen-Shidi to his tea and go back to file this.”

“Surely, if the matter of that paperwork was so important that it must be filed this instant, Shixiong would have visited about it sooner?” Shen Qingqiu grits out. He inches a bit closer, eyeing the sleeve that Yue Qingyuan had disappeared that mysterious scroll into.

“My schedule didn’t allow me to visit Shen-Shidi before now,” Yue Qingyuan explains apologetically. “Have a nice day, Shidi, Shizhi.”

Before Shen Qingqiu can protest further, Yue Qingyuan has disappeared, taking the scroll with him. 

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu says, still staring at the door Yue Qingyuan had left through. “Care to inform your Shizun what that was about?”

Luo Binghe, who had also been watching the door, turns to Shen Qingqiu with wide eyes. It’s a pathetic sort of expression that really shouldn’t work so well coming from a stallion protagonist, especially with how old Luo Binghe’s gotten. They’re practically of even height these days! How does Luo Binghe justify pleadingly looking up at Shen Qingqiu through his lashes like this!! 

“Shizun…” Luo Binghe starts, sounding especially pitiable. “Should I not have… that is, is it so shameful to Shizun to have someone else know that Qing Jing has a disciple who struggled with his letters…?”

Shen Qingqiu sighs, bringing a hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. “Binghe knows that isn’t what I was asking after.”

Unfortunately, closing his eyes against the sight of Luo Binghe acting like a kicked dog does not relieve Shen Qingqiu from listening to that same act.

“I understand,” Luo Binghe says gravely. “I… I won’t trouble Shizun like this again. Next time Zhangmen-Shibo comes, I can say it was only a ruse, and I won’t ask such things again, and if I don’t recognize a letter in the future I’ll wait until Shizun is available, and -”

“Enough, Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu pleads. It’s really, really too much to listen to, ah!

“I don’t want to burden Shizun,” Luo Binghe insists.

Defeated, Shen Qingqiu drops his hand from his face, instead moving to pet Luo Binghe’s head briefly. Ah, this spoiled brat, getting comforted when he was the one at fault!!

“Binghe isn’t a burden,” Shen Qingqiu says. “I was happy to hear you asking someone else for help.”

“Shizun didn’t mind it?” Luo Binghe asks, blinking his big pathetic eyes at him.

“I didn’t,” Shen Qingqiu assures, giving Luo Binghe’s head one last pat before taking his hand back and flicking his fan open instead. “Binghe has no need to fear - he was in fact showing off just how well suited he is for Qing Jing, just now.”

Predictably, Luo Binghe perks up like a dog that’s been praised. “Really?”

“Really,” Shen Qingqiu says. “I was quite impressed. Luring your Shibo over, setting me up to be flustered enough that I’d kick you out of the kitchen, revealing a weakness of yours so that your plea for assistance would be given full attention, and then falling back on it as a distraction later - it was a very well thought out manipulation.”

Luo Binghe’s pleased grin freezes. Shen Qingqiu can practically see the thought flash through his mind: caught!

“In fact,” Shen Qingqiu says, “Binghe should really be putting that Qing Jing mindset to use. How about… drafting a peace treaty with the Bai Zhan disciples?”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe gasps, betrayed at having actually been given a punishment.

“What?” Shen Qingqiu asks, peering over the edge of his fan with no small amount of amusement. “Does Binghe not think he could both bargain for good terms and ensure the agreement is one those Bai Zhan kids will actually follow?”

Luo Binghe’s expression goes through several visibly painful emotions before landing on stubbornness. “This disciple can do it!”

“Of course,” Shen Qingqiu agrees. “This master will look forward to reading Binghe’s draft in a week.”

“Yes, Shizun,” Luo Binghe answers dutifully, and Shen Qingqiu nods approvingly. 

“Good. Now - why doesn’t Binghe go make me some fresh tea and use that opportunity to quietly rearrange the kitchen back to the way your Shizun remembers it?”

The tips of his ears an embarrassed pink, Luo Binghe rushes off to the kitchen to do just that. Shen Qingqiu watches him go, satisfied. Even this young, it’s clear that Luo Binghe is growing well into his future as a clever and black-bellied stallion protagonist.

Unfortunately for him, the Immortal Alliance Conference and the blackening that will accompany it have yet to come; at least for now, Shen Qingqiu is still the master!

---

Later, of course, Shen Qingqiu checks the logs of texts borrowed from Qing Jing’s library. There’s a great number listed under Luo Binghe’s name, perhaps as an attempt to obfuscate which text had been shown to Yue Qingyuan. 

Even so, it isn’t hard to grasp the pattern. Seven Blood Poisons and How to Cure Them, Demon Assassination Techniques, and even Poisons From the Demon Realm - out of twelve titles that Luo Binghe currently has checked out, ten are on poisons and their origins. 

Ah, Shen Qingqiu thinks, feeling the pieces click for him. Then it was about Without-a-Cure.

He should have guessed, really. There are few things that get Yue Qingyuan as ruffled as Luo Binghe had managed to get him that afternoon, and Shen Qingqiu himself is top of the list. 

The secrecy is explained with this understanding, too: Shen Qingqiu has made his feelings clear on the fruitlessness of trying to search for a cure, unwilling to waste time or resources on things he knows won’t work. Neither Luo Binghe nor Yue Qingyuan have liked that stance, and Liu Qingge has outright ignored it, occasionally bringing back supposed miracle cures from his night hunts. 

No matter what text Luo Binghe had found, it would not have detailed the true cure to Without-a-Cure. If a cure to that poison was known well enough to be documented in their sect’s library, it wouldn’t be called as such. Luo Binghe had likely discovered a supposed cure-all, and it was likely expensive or rare enough that he’d needed to bring the sect leader into it to acquire it. 

It still rankles a bit to know that resources are being put towards something that’ll end up being useless for anything but getting everyone’s hopes up in vain, but…

Well, it isn’t a bad feeling to know that the only scheming people are doing is to try and help Shen Qingqiu out. Really, for as much as Shen Qingqiu had been mentally praising Luo Binghe for coming into his black-bellied future self, he’s still a sweet child.

Maybe, if Luo Binghe is especially good, Shen Qingqiu will leave out helpful hints for completing his punishment treaty as a wordless thanks for trying to look out for his old master. Maybe.

---

Unfortunately, Shen Qingqiu knowing what is going on does not make it less unpleasant. 

Yue Qingyuan ups and vanishes without a word several days after his visit to Qing Jing, leaving Shen Qingqiu to field complaints or major decisions that would usually go to the sect leader. Worse is when Yue Qingyuan returns a week later: clearly, his first action upon returning is to drag Mu Qingfang into the whole process, because Shen Qingqiu is made to sit through one of the most exhaustive health exams he’s had since he was first hit with Without-a-Cure. Honestly, he’d almost rather have dealt with filling in for Yue Qingyuan for an extra week than be poked with all those needles!

By the time Yue Qingyuan calls for a meeting with all the peak lords, Shen Qingqiu is feeling restless and irritated and very ready to just get this all over with. It won’t be fun to watch their hopes get crushed when whatever magical cure Yue Qingyuan went and found doesn’t end up working, but at least then everyone can go back to normal.

Shen Qingqiu really doesn’t want to spend the last month before the Immortal Alliance Conference with everyone acting odd, okay! It’s his last month enjoying his little white lotus before that particular characterization gets killed off, leave Shen Qingqiu be!!

Shen Qingqiu enters the meeting room channeling his best, bitchiest version of himself - the version that will ensure that whatever happens, it happens quickly! 

That version gets significantly more bitchy when the room falls silent when they notice who has arrived. Shen Qingqiu’s eye twitches.

“Please,” he says dryly as he makes his way to his seat near the head of the table, “don’t stop on my account.”

Halfway down the table, Shang Qinghua coughs awkwardly. Liu Qingge is polishing his sword with a single-minded focus and refuses to look up at Shen Qingqiu. Qi Qingqi is also silent, but looks suspiciously delighted. Shen Qingqiu wasn’t aware that they were friendly enough for her to be so pleased at his possible recovery from Without-a-Cure.

Next to Shen Qingqiu at the head of the table, Yue Qingyuan clears his throat. “Now that we’re all here, we can get started.”

Shen Qingqiu cuts another glance around the rest of the room. Indeed, it looks as if Shen Qingqiu were the last to arrive. He hadn’t noticed at first since the room wasn’t as full as it usually is; none of the other peak lords have brought their head disciples as they normally would.

“...Should Binghe be excused, first?” Shen Qingqiu asks. “Or is he here with me because he’s been made aware of what's happening in this master’s place?”

Yue Qingyuan’s smile looks a bit guilty. From behind Shen Qingqiu, Luo Binghe quietly slips some snacks onto the table, as if in a silent apology. 

“Hm,” Shen Qingqiu says, unamused. “I see.”

Luo Binghe pushes a second, smaller tray of snacks onto the table next to the first one. Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes but does take one of the offered treats, if only to give him something pleasant to distract himself with.

Yue Qingyuan clears his throat again awkwardly. “Before beginning in earnest, I’d like to apologize. Normally, issues that are resolved in this way are handled privately and at the discretion of the affected parties. Unfortunately, due to the… political nature of the solution, and the importance of the affected figure, it wouldn’t have been right to act unilaterally.”

“You mean like the way you unilaterally went out to start testing this theory before you were caught by Mu-Shixiong and forced to consult with the rest of us,” Qi Qingqi snipes. 

“I always do my best to act in a way that benefits Cang Qiong,” Yue Qingyuan says. “Qi-Shimei would have been better off ignorant if I were caught by anyone less understanding than one of our own martial siblings.”

“Caught,” Shen Qingqiu echos, narrowing his eyes. That doesn’t especially sound like Yue Qingyuan had been using his Sect Leader powers in any official manner, when it came to fulfilling his stupid fetch quest for a useless miracle cure. “Does Zhangmen-Shixiong care to elaborate on that?”

“Bai Lu mountain is not, strictly, a place under any one sect’s jurisdiction,” Yue Qingqyuan offers, as if that explains anything at all. “It isn’t a place where someone could get in trouble for being, per say…”

“Huan Hua would disagree,” Wei Qingwei huffs. 

“You were trying to steal something from Huan Hua?” Shen Qingqiu cries, starting to see the full picture here. 

No wonder Luo Binghe and Yue Qingyuan were being so secretive of exactly what cure they’d found - this isn’t just a simple matter of wasting resources on a hopeless potential cure! This is an invitation for Huan Hua to start all manners of trouble!!

“I took a piece of something that did not belong to Huan Hua, but which is generally considered to be under Huan Hua’s watch,” Yue Qingyuan says, looking especially guilty.

“You already stole something from Huan Hua,” Shen Qingqiu corrects, feeling a headache approaching. “And now we’ve gathered to discuss the least damaging method of apologizing, I gather.”

Yue Qingyuan’s expression grows a bit pained. Qi Qingqiu rolls her eyes so hard Shen Qingqiu feels a brief moment of concern for their stability within her head.

“Shen-Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan says, his voice soft. “Your head disciple found records of a cure to Without-a-Cure. You must know that we cannot let that go.”

“Without-a-Cure has no cure, Shixiong,” Shen Qingqiu says, irritated. “It’s quite self explanatory.”

Yue Qingyuan’s mouth twists, unhappy. He looks over Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder briefly, exchanging a wordless look with Luo Binghe. Then, reluctantly, he pulls an old scroll out from his sleeve and sets it on the table. Regrettably, Shen Qingqiu recognizes it.

“The scroll Binghe gave you?” Shen Qingqiu asks, eyeing it warily. 

Yue Qingyuan nods. “Shen-Shidi already knows what it contains.”

Shen Qingqiu only barely doesn’t make a face. If he knew he’d be called out for saying he’s read everything in the library like this, he wouldn’t have - okay, no, he still would have done it, but he could have done it in a more clever way!

“Having read everything in Qing Jing’s library is a different thing from remembering what each scroll looks like,” he grumbles, swiping the scroll from the table and quickly skimming through it. “Just which miracle cure does this one detail, that has you all so -”

Shen Qingqiu breaks off, squinting at the scroll. It really is an old one; even though Shen Qingqiu has more or less gotten used to the traditional language and writing in this world, it’s difficult to read through this particular piece of text. It’s clearly a commentary on demonic poisons, but it seems so old that Shen Qingqiu would assume it to be too out of date to be truly useful. Shen Qingqiu recognizes half of these listed poisons as ones that have had breakthrough treatments developed for them in the last half century, and others that are so old that their very names have changed.

…Their names… have changed…

Interestingly, the scroll reads near the bottom, the decline in Heavenly Demons has had great effect on the ecosystem of poisons used in demonic assassinations, especially those that are primarily or only solved with the assistance of one. The Swamp Desert clan in the south has even started joking about nicknaming their Deadly Passions Qi Poison as ‘the poison without a cure,’ to better reflect the declining availability of Heavenly Demons.

Shen Qingqiu feels the blood drain from his face. 

That… is not the generic miracle cure he’d been expecting to see detailed in this scroll. That is, in fact, about as far from generic as it could possibly get. 

And if Yue Qingyuan was acting based on the assumption that he needed a Heavenly Demon to cure Shen Qingqiu… Wasn’t the last known Heavenly Demon kept trapped in Bai Lu mountain??

“Zhangmen-Shixiong,” Shen Qingqiu says gravely, his eyes closed in near prayer. “Please tell this Shidi that you did not go poking around Huan Hua’s imprisonment arrays just to steal - what, Tianlang-Jun’s semen?!”

Shen Qingqiu is met with a very comforting long stretch of silence in reply. Long enough that he has time to imagine how stealing a sample of semen from a bound and nearly-dead Heavenly Demon might actually go. Very comforting.

“...It was a blood sample, actually,” Mu Qingfang finally says. “And I had been planning on relaying the disappointing news that while it reacted to the poison in your blood, Shen-Shixiong, it did not seem capable of destroying it. Now, though, I suspect that your disciple and Zhangmen-Shixiong perhaps… misread the scroll?”

Shen Qingqiu blanches. Ah. Fuck.

“No,” he says, dropping the scroll and smiling tightly. “No, no - Mu-Shidi has it right. If the parasites in that blood sample didn’t go after the poison in the sample from me, then the supposed cure you’re chasing wouldn’t work.”

There’s another moment of heavy silence. Yue Qingyuan’s eyes on Shen Qingqiu are especially heavy. Luo Binghe takes the opportunity to reach around Shen Qingqiu and pick up the discarded scroll, rereading it with a critical eye.

“...Is Shen-Shidi sure?” Yue Qingyuan asks. “He isn’t forgetting about any other scrolls about this ‘Deadly Passions Qi Poison’ that might mention… a specific type of treatment from a Heavenly Demon?”

“Not at all,” Shen Qingqiu lies, stone-faced.

“Shen-Shixiong was just thinking about a demon’s jizz on his own, then?” Qi Qingqi asks, one eyebrow raised. 

Shen Qingqiu feels his eye twitch. Qi-Shimei, you asshole, I’m not letting Ning Yingying go over and play on your peak for a month!

“...Yes,” he grits out. 

Behind him, Luo Binghe hums, still looking at the scroll. “Mu-Shishu, is there a way to know which type of dual cultivation a scroll like this is referring to?”

And Luo Binghe!! If you’re going to do whatever you want anyway, you may as well sit at the table instead of acting like an obedient head disciple behind me, ah!!

Mu Qingfang leans back, looking thoughtful. “Does it say ‘requires the assistance of,’ or ‘with the assistance of,’ specifically?”

“With,” Luo Binghe replies.

“If Mu-Shidi would like to take up analysis of old literature, he’s welcome to visit Qing Jing another day,” Shen Qingqiu bites. “Hasn’t it already been proven that Heavenly Demon blood doesn’t work?”

“Medicine has its own linguistic patterns, Shen-Shixiong,” Mu Qingfang says. “Using ‘with’ in the context of getting assistance for a poison or illness almost always refers to penetrative dual cultivation, rather than the usual qi circulation technique.”

“Language changes over time,” Shen Qingqiu tries. “This scroll is quite old now.”

“This particular linguistic pattern has been in use by medics for centuries,” Mu Qingfang clarifies.

Shen Qingqiu flicks open his fan, trying to hide the way his expression has almost certainly twisted into that of a child biting into a lemon. 

“More to the point,” Qi Qingqi says, “Shen-Shixiong clearly already knows about this cure, considering he was the one to bring up the specifics of it.”

“We had been under the assumption that the scroll was referring to a less intimate form of dual cultivation,” Yue Qingyuan says. At some point in the last minute, he’d moved to rest his head in his hands, and he really sounds quite defeated now. “The residual qi in the blood sample was supposed to test that, and then we could have had what remains of Tianlang-Jun simply sit as a conduit between you and Liu-Shidi during your regular dual cultivation sessions.”

Shen Qingqiu nearly chokes. His and Liu Qingge’s regular what?!

“I won’t participate if it’s - like that,” Liu Qingge speaks up, the tips of his ears a bright red. “Normal dual cultivation was the limit to what I would consider with a demon involved.”

Across the table from him, Qi Qingqi waggles her eyebrows at him, and Liu Qingge instantly returns to putting all his focus into polishing his sword.

“Luckily for Liu-Shixiong, penetrative dual cultivation is almost always performed with only two people,” Mu Qingfang says. “Unluckily, that’s because it’s much more difficult to have someone acting as a simple conduit through the process as we’d been planning for Tianlang-Jun; penetrative dual cultivation generally requires active participation from all parties.”

“Well, surely, he could still remain bound? It wouldn’t be safe without him in immortal binding cables anyway.” Wei Qingwei says, and - nope, nope, that’s Shen Qingqiu’s limit, thank you very much!

“That’s quite enough of that,” Shen Qingqiu snaps, standing up from his seat. “I will not sit idly by while you all discuss - discuss taking advantage of a half- dead Heavenly Demon in this sort of way, just to cure a poison that doesn’t even bother me!”

“Please, Shixiong,” Qi Qingqi says. “Involving ropes doesn’t exclusively mean the other party isn’t consenting. If you’re doing it right -”

Shen Qingqiu’s fan snaps in his hands with a startling crack. Shen Qingqiu briefly fantasizes about using the splinters to hit his own acupuncture points to very literally remove his consciousness from the conversation.

“So we’re in agreement that nothing would happen without consent,” Shen Qingqiu grits out. “In that case nothing has changed. A cure may be known, but it isn’t possible.”

“Saying it isn’t possible is a bit of a stretch,” Mu Qingfang points out. “All that has to happen is for Tianlang-Jun to agree.”

Beside Shen Qingqiu, Yue Qingyuan nods, finally looking a bit more spirited for the first time since this whole penetrative-versus-not discussion began.

“Yes, that’s - yes! A short visiting period to get acquainted would have been standard anyway, even for normal dual cultivation - if it’s framed as a courting period, then -”

“Stop, stop,” Shen Qingqiu interrupts, holding up a hand. “No matter how you frame it, it won’t work out. No man is going to want to - to do such an intimate thing with me just because he was made to hang out in the same room as me for a period of time!”

There’s a beat of silence. Luo Binghe shifts behind him. Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan both look a bit like they’re suffering. 

Shen Qingqiu nearly scowls. No need to make it so obvious that thinking about him in such a light is so painful, ah!

“Any other enlightened reasons why this wouldn’t work?” Qi Qingqi asks, not even trying to hide her amusement. 

“Are others needed?” Shen Qingqiu asks, exasperated. “Tianlang-Jun is an incredibly powerful demon, and he’s currently half-rotted under a mountain in Huan Hua’s territory as atonement for his violent crimes against cultivators. Even if he was foolish enough to want - to want such a silly thing -!”

Yue Qingyuan puts his head back in his hands and takes a deep breath. 

“Shen-Shidi,” he says after a moment, “earlier, you said that the poison doesn’t bother you. It’s truly a miracle that Mu-Shidi has been able to manage the poison to such an extent, and I’m endlessly grateful for his work on your treatment.”

“Then there’s no need to undermine Mu-Shidi’s hard work by trying to chase after an impossible cure,” Shen Qingqiu argues.

“But Shen-Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan says, picking his head back up out of his hands to look up at Shen Qingqiu. “Your current state, although stable, isn’t sustainable.”

“Right now, no one outside of Cang Qiong has caught onto Shen-Shixiong’s poisoning,” Mu Qingfang chimes in. “It’s widely known you took some sort of demonic poison during the attack those years ago, but it’s also known that you recovered. We’ve managed to keep it quiet that you’ve needed ongoing treatment.”

“It isn’t hard to imagine what Huan Hua might do with that information if they got their hands on it,” Qi Qingqi sighs. 

Shen Qingqiu winces. “It can’t be that bad, surely?”

“You consistently get a blockage in your He-Sea meridian every fourth week,” Liu Qingge says. He’s stopped polishing his sword but hasn’t looked up from it, his expression grim. “Without fail, it’s every fourth week.”

“...Which is why Liu-Shidi tries to come by every three and a half weeks,” Shen Qingqiu agrees. 

“And if Huan Hua manufactures a reason for you to be at their palace on week three?” Qi Qingqi asks. “Or if any malicious cultivator does the same, with less politics and more violence?”

“Shen-Shidi’s well being is our foremost concern,” Yue Qingyuan says. “But it… cannot be denied that it is also a politically dangerous situation for Cang Qiong’s second in command to have a weakness that is not only potentially fatal, but consistent.”

“Less politically dangerous than asking Huan Hua to hand over the near-corpse of the last Heavenly Demon so we can nurse him back to health and have him - and have him -!” 

“Yes, actually,” Qi Qingqi says. “Aren’t you supposed to be the strategist? Of course we wouldn’t actually say what we want to do with the demon.”

Shen Qingqiu rubs a hand over his face and sits back down. Clearly, he isn’t getting to leave right now anyway. 

“The only way to take in a Heavenly Demon like that without revealing that we have ulterior motives would be to act as if we want to take him in just to guard him, the way Huan Hua currently is,” Shen Qingqiu sighs. 

He pauses. Actually, is that what Qi Qingqiu is referring to…?

Shen Qingqiu looks to Yue Qingyuan. “The arrays used to bind Tianlang-Jun… were they fourth circle, or fifth?”

“Fifth,” Yue Qingyuan answers. “Nothing else would have held.”

Right, right - all powerful being, and all that. But the more powerful the seals, the less permanent they are. For fifth circle arrays, they’d at best last thirty years, and they’d start growing brittle before then. 

“...It’s been nearly twenty years since he was bound,” Shen Qingqiu says. “So we’d be suggesting that the arrays might be brittle now, imply that they must be redone, and volunteer to ‘take our turn’ guarding him by re-binding him in an area closer to Cang Qiong for the next twenty years?”

“Just so,” Yue Qingyuan says. “Any deals struck with Tianlang-Jun after that would happen behind closed doors.”

“There isn’t anything to guarantee that Huan Hua would allow us to take over, though,” Shang Qinghua says, clearly nervous. Shen Qingqiu had nearly forgotten that he’d been there, with how quiet he’d been this whole time. “Prison guarding is something Huan Hua has historically been, uh, very into.” 

Shen Qingqiu narrows his eyes at Shang Qinghua. Why is he sweating, ah? He isn’t the one who’s been told to convince a demon to get into bed with him!

“They don’t necessarily have to have a choice in it,” Shen Qingqiu sniffs, just to be contrarian. “If the arrays are growing brittle, they’re growing brittle. If that information leaks to the public, naturally Huan Hua will have to act.”

Yue Qingyuan smiles. He looks monumentally relieved. 

“I’m glad Shen-Shidi understands,” he says, and Shen Qingqiu stiffens.

“Disagreeing with Shang-Shidi doesn’t mean agreeing with the rest of you,” he snipes. 

“Oh, what is there to protest now?” Qi Qingqi sighs. “You’re worse than my girls, honestly. It’s just dual cultivation.”

“Penetrative!” Shen Qingqiu corrects calmly and without his voice breaking at all. The other peak lords summarily ignore him.

“When can we start?” Liu Qingge asks, finally sheathing his sword. “Do we have protective measures ready to keep Tianlang-Jun restrained during the courtship and treatment process?”

“No, no,” Shen Qingqiu says, “I haven’t agreed to this just yet!”

“If we don’t, we’ll come up with something quickly,” Yue Qingyuan says as if he hadn’t heard Shen Qingqiu, “If we act right now, Huan Hua will be forced to act with urgency, rather than dragging things out several years in their reluctance.”

“What about my reluctance, ah?!” Shen Qingqiu cries. Luo Binghe silently pushes the snacks closer to him as no one answers him.

“Oh,” Qi Qingqi says, a look of recognition passing over her face as she also ignores Shen Qingqiu. “Yes, anxiety about this thing would be much higher this time of year than others; everyone is preparing for the Immortal Alliance Conference next month, after all.”

“Can anyone hear me?” Shen Qingqiu despairs. 

“No,” Qi Qingqi replies. 

“The Immortal Alliance Conference is a good point,” Liu Qingge says, nodding. “The conference can’t begin if there are lingering safety concerns, and no one wants to delay it.”

“You all -!”

[Ding!] the System says. [Alternate path found! Start quest: Mission DILF? y/n]

Shen Qingqiu wishes he hadn’t broken his fan earlier, if only so he could break it now. System?! Is now really the best time?!

[Start quest: Mission DILF? y/n] the System asks again. 

Shen Qingqiu stabs furiously at the ‘no’ button. He knows what DILF stands for, thank you, and he wants no part of it!! 

Predictably, the ‘no’ button disappears before Shen Qingqiu can make contact with it.

[Start quest: Mission DILF? y/y] the System continues to ask. [Notice to Host: Mission DILF will result in delay of Critical Quest: Endless Abyss and Endless Hatred.]

Shen Qingqiu freezes. A delay? 

…What had his martial siblings just been saying, about using the upcoming Immortal Alliance Conference to ensure their manipulation of public opinion is taken seriously? 

…How much of a delay? Shen Qingqiu asks the System, hesitantly hopeful. 

[Exact delay can not be calculated. Wishing Host good luck!]

So it would be based on Shen Qingqiu’s success in the mission, then. That’s hardly helpful; Shen Qingqiu hasn’t exactly had the greatest track record for completing missions in a way that the System is pleased with. 

…And yet…

Shen Qingqiu stares blankly down at the table in front of him. Luo Binghe’s snacks are still sitting on several small plates, bite-sized and perfectly presented. They’re delicious, of course; Shen Qingqiu may not have tried them all this time, but he recognizes most of them as his favorites from past batches of snacks Luo Binghe has made for him. Luo Binghe always seems especially pleased when Shen Qingqiu declares a new creation to be one of his favorites.

In the Endless Abyss, Luo Binghe won’t have access to any of the ingredients or tools necessary to make such delicate finger foods.

…Fuck!! Shen Qingqiu despairs. It’s just food! It’s just - it’s just food, which Luo Binghe grew up with little of, and will have even less of in the Abyss than he had on the streets, and -!

Damn it!!

Despite knowing there’s no other way, Shen Qingqiu really doesn’t want to push Luo Binghe down. And why should he! He raised that boy himself!! 

And so what if Luo Binghe had said he’d gladly suffer to gain power, back when Shen Qingqiu had asked him some weeks ago? He hadn’t specified a timeline! Maybe he only wanted to get powerful after turning twenty, or thirty, or - or at least not when he’s still a child!  

Shen Qingqiu has never been able to completely change the System’s mind about anything, but he has been able to bargain with it. If he can argue his way into smaller point deductions, he can argue into longer delays, too!

All he has to do is - Shen Qingqiu grimaces. He just has to - with a man - with a demon, that part’s important too of course, a demon who has killed many cultivators and probably hates Shen Qingqiu’s generation especially, that part is even more important than the fact that he’s a man! Obviously!

…With a man!! Luo Binghe, do you see how much your master cares for you, ah??

Although, if the whole goal is only to cause as long of a delay as possible, perhaps it would be possible to draw things out and never, ah, reach a conclusion? If Shen Qingqiu played hard to get, so to speak, claiming to always be unsatisfied with the current state of the courtship… perhaps it would be possible to generate a near-infinite delay on the Endless Abyss without actually having to lay with a man?

The success of that sort of plan would likely be determined entirely on how Tianlang-Jun himself reacts to Cang Qiong’s proposal, though. Trying to control the pacing of how or if things move along would only go smoothly if Tianlang-Jun was complacent in the whole ordeal. If Tianlang-Jun resists, it would surely turn into Cang Qiong bribing the demon until he agrees, and then rushing Shen Qingqiu along to quickly get in bed as soon as he does. That would be the worst case scenario - no control over how long the “delay” is and having to let himself get bent for some half-dead demon!!

Trying to calculate if this nonsense DILF mission from the System might be worth it, without knowing how likely it is for Tianlang-Jun to play along…

Ah, if only Shen Qingqiu had bothered to learn more about Tianlang-Jun and his motives before now! He’d done basic reading on Tianlang-Jun when he first transmigrated, of course; the brutal battle it had taken to seal him is a prominent piece of Cang Qiong’s recent history due to Yue Qingyuan’s contributions. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t read any historical account from the last two decades without hearing about it!

Those readings had been more focused on Tianlang-Jun’s sheer power rather than his motivations or possible interest in cutsleeve activity, though, so Shen Qingqiu doesn’t exactly have anything to base his scheming on. 

Is it even possible to play hard to get in a way that works on an infinitely powerful demon dude? Shen Qingqiu wonders a bit mournfully. An infinitely powerful demon dude who’s capable of holding a grudge and repaying it a hundred fold, specifically - after all, that’s likely Luo Binghe’s father, and that vengefulness probably runs in the family!

…Ah?

Wait wait wait, back up a bit there! Shen Qingqiu hadn’t put it into words before, but of course the last known Heavenly Demon would be Luo Binghe’s father! Who else would it be?! Shen Qingqiu himself had just said it had been nearly twenty years since he was bound - nearly twenty? No, it would be precisely seventeen and a half, since that is just how old Luo Binghe is!

Then, isn’t this actually a priceless opportunity?

Forget his half-baked schemes of trying to string Tianlang-Jun along in a will-he/won’t-he drama to keep things drawn out for as long as possible! Shen Qingqiu has a new goal!!

More than anything else, Shen Qingqiu needs to make sure Tianlang-Jun actually ends up treated well, rather than whatever nonsense Cang Qiong is thinking of, which is - what? Offering Tianlang-Jun to live as some prisoner of war concubine, tied up in Shen Qingqiu’s bed instead of squashed under a mountain? Ptui! What a shitty deal!!

Shen Qingqiu can offer Luo Binghe’s father a deal way better than that!!

When Cang Qiong presents their terrible secret deal to Tianlang-Jun, Shen Qingqiu can present his own, even more secret one. If Tianlang-Jun just pretends to entertain the idea of maybe possibly dual cultivating with Shen Qingqiu one day, Shen Qingqiu can ensure Tianlang-Jun is treated genuinely well! A true chance to bargain for his freedom!

Sure, it might be a bit ill-advised to set loose a powerful man with a history of attacking innocent people, but in the end, isn’t it worse to leave Luo Binghe’s father in a bad situation? 

No matter how long Shen Qingqiu is able to delay for, the Endless Abyss will still come, and Shen Qingqiu will still have to betray Luo Binghe. The kindness he’s shown Luo Binghe until now might grant him a swift death rather than a torturous one, but it will still be a death nonetheless. 

However, if Shen Qingqiu were to be the one responsible for saving Luo Binghe’s father, could that not result in Luo Binghe ultimately sparing him? After all, Luo Binghe had always desperately wanted a family - Shen Qingqiu can give him that, with this! A real, genuine dad, right there!!

[Start quest: Mission DILF? y/y] the System asks.

Resolute, Shen Qingqiu hits ‘yes.’

“Alright,” Shen Qingqiu says aloud. “If my martial siblings are convinced this is necessary, then this master will go along with it.”

Yue Qingyuan, who had been in the middle of an intense logistical discussion that had already assumed Shen Qingqiu’s agreement, pauses to smile at him.

“I’m glad, Shen-Shidi,” he says. “Now: for the handoff between Huan Hua and our team, Wei-Shidi had mentioned a particular whip in his collection we could use…”

Chapter Text

It’s remarkable how smoothly Cang Qiong’s plans go. The hardest part of the whole thing is the ‘spread rumors and cause panic’ part, and even that…

“The beasts near the Bai Lu forest have been growing skittish recently,” Liu Qingge says, apropos of nothing during one of the intersect planning meetings for the Immortal Alliance Conference. “Redo that demon’s arrays soon - he must be leaking demonic qi to the surrounding area.”

The Huan Hua Palace Master, who had been using this break between meetings to try and sleaze up one of the Tian Yi Overlook cultivators, sends Liu Qingge an unreadable look. 

“I’m afraid I don’t know what Lord Liu is talking about, but I’d be interested to know what brought him into Huan Hua’s Bai Lu forest,” he says, smiling even as his eyes regard Liu Qingge coldly.

“There’s monsters in there,” Liu Qingge says simply. “And I’m talking about Tianlang-Jun. Redo his capture arrays soon.”

“His arrays are growing brittle? So soon?” One of the cultivators from Zhao Hua mutters, alarmed, and quickly pulls his companions into the conversation. “Has Huan Hua prepared for this?”

“The capture arrays are in perfect shape,” the Huan Hua Palace Master assures, beginning to look rather irritated.

“They’re not,” Liu Qingge says. 

The Tian Yi cultivators titter, and Yue Qingyuan takes that as his cue to step in, pretending to have only just begun listening in to the conversation.

“Apologies,” he says, smiling warmly at the group, “but it sounds like Liu-Shidi had a concern?”

Liu Qingge shrugs one shoulder. “It’s only a concern if nothing is done.”

“If Liu-Shidi could just explain the details, then,” Yue Qingyuan says sunnily, “it would be much appreciated. After all, I don’t believe I had the chance to read the report that Liu-Shidi must have submitted about an issue so important it should be discussed at this inter-sect meeting.”

Liu Qingge stares blankly at Yue Qingyuan.

“If Liu-Shidi believes the first report was lost, then a second report would be appreciated,” Yue Qingyuan offers.

“...I’ll write the report when we get back,” Liu Qingge says stiffly. 

“Much appreciated.”

“Wait, wait,” one of the Tian Yi cultivators says, looking nervous. “This doesn’t sound like an issue that can wait on paperwork!”

Yue Qingyuan’s smile grows a bit pained. 

“It isn’t that we wish to delay tackling important issues,” he says. “It’s only - ah, usually the issues that Liu-Shidi brings forward are vetted before we bother to take time out of the busy schedules of the other sects.”

“I wouldn’t bother with things that aren’t true,” Liu Qingge protests weakly, the tips of his ears flushing pink.

A few paces away, watching the proceedings with interest, Qi Qingqi mutters: “The thing we have to verify is not the truthfulness of the issue, but whether it’s actually of any importance.”

Shen Qingqiu, who had drifted over to listen in, cheerily chimes in. “Shimei should work on her meditation; rumors of powerful martial artists or lost sword arts must surely be critical issues to someone as capable of emptying their mind as Liu-Shidi is.”

“Shen Qingqiu -!” Liu Qingge and Qi Qingqi cry in unison, before stopping to glare at one another for having dared to respond in the same way as the other.

“No matter, no matter,” the Tian Yi cultivator cuts in. “I’ll verify the importance myself: Lord Liu is saying that Tianlang-Jun might escape soon!”

A wave of murmurs passes over the assembled cultivators. If anyone had not been listening in before, this exclamation has drawn them into the conversation now.

“Hm,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Liu-Shidi, you’ll have to forgive my previous teasing. You found something quite important this time after all.”

“The issue can not be important if it is not true,” the Huan Hua Palace Master protests. “Lord  Liu’s claims are merely the product of his paranoia. Tianlang-Jun’s capture arrays are still as strong as they were a decade ago.”

“Liu-Shidi?” Yue Qingyuan prompts, looking between Liu Qingge and the Palace Master.

Liu Qingge gives another half-shrug. “The beasts in the Bai Lu forest are more aggressive than usual, and they’re appearing in greater numbers.”

“Perhaps,” the Palace Master suggests sharply, “Master Liu is simply discovering that he is not cut out for trying to keep up with the monster population that lies outside Cang Qiong’s territory.”

There’s a long moment of silence as the gathered cultivators consider the possibility of the unbeatable Bai Zhan War God being incapable of handling the beasts on a single mountain.

“...How long do we have until Tianlang-Jun frees himself?” A Zhao Hua cultivator asks, nervous. 

“We can’t risk it, we must redo his seals now!” Another cries.

The Palace Masters’s expression twitches. “You all dare to doubt the proficiency of Huan Hua’s containment arrays -?!”

“Huan Hua has no need to worry,” Yue Qingyuan says gently. “We know it’s unreasonable to expect the same sect to always be the one to dedicate the resources needed to maintain those arrays. Please, don’t concern yourselves with trying to stretch the arrays’ lifetimes until you’re ready to redo them; another great sect can take their turn.”

“Could Cang Qiong?” A Tian Yi cultivator asks, nervous. 

After all, Yue Qingyuan is right in that it takes a lot to prepare to redo containment arrays of such caliber - if it could be implied that Huan Hua themselves was not ready to redo them, how could any other sect be ready spontaneously?

Yue Qingyuan only keeps smiling, though, as always. 

“Certainly,” he says.

“Cang Qiong is wasting our time,” the Palace Master insists. “If these talks must happen, then they should happen after the planning for the Immortal Alliance Conference has finished - that is, after all, what we had gathered for today. If we finish this now, Huan Hua can then go back and provide evidence that the arrays are still in perfect condition.”

Liu Qingge snorts inelegantly, setting off another round of panicked whispering.

“And perhaps,” the Palace Master adds, narrowing his eyes at Liu Qingge, “Huan Hua might gift Bai Zhan a few beginner manuals on the art of arrays, so that Lord Liu might brush up his understanding of them. In the mean time, though, the Immortal Alliance Conference -”

Shen Qingqiu snaps his fan closed, watching everyone’s eyes flick to him. 

“Feel free to continue talks for the Conference,” he says, waving a hand dismissively and pretending he doesn’t see the Palace Master’s absolutely furious expression at having been interrupted again. “But this master will abstain - I won’t be sending any of my disciples this year. After all, Jue Di Gorge is quite close to the Bai Lu forest.”

There’s more whispering, and more assurances from the Palace Master, but - ah, the damage has already been done. Huan Hua’s continued protests only serve to convince the other sects that Huan Hua is not prepared to continue their role as Tianlang-Jun’s main prison keepers, opening up the path for Cang Qiong to swoop in as the heroes. 

The Immortal Alliance Conference must be delayed.

…Shen Qingqiu can’t help but feel a bit bad for Huan Hua. After all, their protests had truly been valid - the arrays really should be fine for another few years. 

Unfortunately for them, Liu Qingge’s reliable reputation as a musclehead with no patience for tact simply can’t be beaten. No one would ever consider Liu Qingge’s bluntness to be something that could be used for political manipulation, and so no one even thinks to doubt him. Combined with Cang Qiong’s little act of subtly scolding Liu Qingge in front of everyone, even if anyone did notice the man’s stiff acting or awkwardness, they’d just chalk it up to the embarrassment of being called out on poor paperwork habits rather than the tell of a man unused to bluffing.

…Zhangmen-Shixiong, tell this Shidi of yours honestly: have you actually been forgiving our Liu-Shidi’s habit of stepping on political landmines this whole time just because you thought it might be useful as a manipulation tactic one day??

Regardless, Shen Qingqiu isn’t one to complain about things working out easily. What he will complain about, however, is everything that comes afterwards.

Shen Qingqiu isn’t an expert in arrays - there’s a whole peak for that, and it isn’t Qing Jing - but he is decent enough with them. More to the point, Shen Qingqiu is an expert in demon taxonomy. For Heavenly Demons specifically, Shen Qingqiu the transmigrator is even more of an expert than Shen Qingqiu the original ever was. For something like taking in a half-dead Heavenly Demon, transporting him safely, and subsequently getting him locked down again in one of the spiritual caves at the base of Cang Qiong, Shen Qingqiu should naturally be one of the primary people to consult. Shen Qingqiu could truly offer valuable advice here, especially in regards to reacting to any possible Heavenly Demon blood that might be shed from jostling Tianlang-Jun’s heavily injured body around. 

So why is it that Shen Qingqiu has been excluded from every part of the process, ah??

Shen Qingqiu had been allowed to advise Mu Qingfang on how to properly dispose of the blood sample that Yue Qingyuan had stolen from Tianlang-Jun at the start of all this, but after that - 

(“Shen-Shixiong should leave this to us,” Mu Qingfang says, shuffling Shen Qingqiu out of the room when the topic turns to how best to treat Tianlang-Jun without allowing him to recover too much power.)

(“We wouldn’t want to keep Shen-Shidi from his other duties,” Yue Qingyuan says, gently herding Shen Qingqiu out of the peak lord’s meeting room as everyone begins discussing Tianlang-Jun’s containment.)

(“Stop being difficult, this is hard enough without you sniffing about when we’re trying to plan,” Qi Qingqi complains, actively pushing Shen Qingqiu out the door when he shows up with the intention of helping coordinate the handoff.)

- after that, Shen Qingqiu is shooed away the second Tianlang-Jun even comes up as a point of conversation!! 

Does Shen Qingqiu give off vibes that he can’t be trusted not to sabotage the plans made to help improve his own health? Do his martial siblings somehow think that this sham counts as a normal courtship, in which Shen Qingqiu must be excluded for modesty’s sake until the so-called bride arrives??

No matter the reason, it’s nonsensical! Just because Shen Qingqiu had been difficult to get on board with the plan doesn’t mean he can’t be helpful now!!

Regardless, Shen Qingqiu is excluded to the point that he isn’t even allowed to be present during the handoff from Huan Hua to Cang Qiong, or to help in getting Tianlang-Jun settled in his new prison cell. Only several days later - after Cang Qiong’s array masters have spent nearly twenty straight hours confirming and reconfirming that the confinement arrays they’d built ahead of time were, in fact, actually holding up to Tianlang-Jun’s power - is Shen Qingqiu finally allowed to participate. 

“This is ridiculous,” Shen Qingqiu says in mild disbelief, looking around the cave that Yue Qingyuan has led him to.

“So Shen-Shixiong has said,” Wei Qingwei says from behind Shen Qingqiu. 

“Several times,” Qi Qingqi chimes in.

Shen Qingqiu scowls, snapping open his fan as he rounds on the two of them.

“Apologies,” Shen Qingqiu says, “Perhaps this master would have something more insightful to say if he’d been allowed in on the planning of this - this -” Shen Qingqiu breaks off, waving his free hand wildly towards the spiritual cave in front of them.

The whole thing is radiating energy, both spiritual and demonic, and the entrance to the cave is covered in so many layers of arrays that the air shimmers with qi. Arrays to alert various peak lords about who passes through them, arrays to block most of the demonic qi from leaking out and contaminating the surrounding area, arrays to -

“Is that a sound array designed specifically to block papapa noises?!” Shen Qingqiu cries, absolutely taken aback. “That - you -!”

“‘Papapa?’” Qi Qingqi echoes, her brows raised. Shen Qingqiu feels his face flush, quickly raising his fan to hide most of his face.

Yue Qingqyuan clears his throat, redirecting their attention to him. 

“Shen-Shidi will have to forgive this matter,” he says, the tips of his ears pink. “We wanted to soundproof the cave entirely, but given the dangerous nature of the demon, we couldn’t allow for a situation where cries for help were muffled.”

“It’s quite a brilliant array,” Mu Qingfang remarks. “Wei-Shidi had a sword that reacts to virgins, and several array masters were able to reverse the energy in the sword to instead react to -”

“Stop, stop,” Shen Qingqiu all but pleads. He doesn’t care how well written the array is, he doesn’t want to hear it!! “This is exactly why I should have been involved! Even if we can convince Tianlang-Jun to, ah, to assist this master, to have that sort of act take place in a cave -!”

“Shen-Shixiong doesn’t have to worry,” Mu Qingfang reassures him. “This is only a last resort; dual cultivation of this nature will of course be most effective if both parties are comfortable and not worrying about using their qi for anything extraneous such as cycling out the chill of a cave.”

“Mu-Shixiong reminded us all of that many times,” Qi Qingqi grouses. 

“Ideally,” Mu Qingfang continues as if he hadn’t heard her, “Tianlang-Jun will understand the benefits of agreeing to this courtship, and we can use much more limited restraints with the faith that he won’t fight so much. We’ve prepared a modified set of Immortal Binding Cables that would allow him to remain mostly mobile while still suppressing his powers - Shen-Shixiong could take the demon to his rooms as such.”

Shen Qingqiu gapes at him. What the fuck, he despairs, I’d been joking before, but these martial siblings of mine really are picturing a scenario where I keep a demon lord bound on my bed like a miserable concubine!!

“Exactly so,” Yue Qingyuan agrees, as if this is a completely normal topic of discussion. “It is only if Tianlang-Jun proves difficult that we will ask Shen-Shidi to put up with the cave and its precautions for the treatment process; the containment arrays here are much stronger than anything mobile could ever be.”

“...Forget it,” Shen Qingqiu says, giving up. He can’t bear to talk about this for another moment! 

Just block out what his martial siblings say, block it out!! Shen Qingqiu will be making his own private deal with Tianlang-Jun in just a few minutes, and it won’t involve any considerations for safe and comfortable dual cultivation with a war criminal, thank you very much!!

Yue Qingyuan nods, clearly relieved to not need to speak of Shen Qingqiu’s supposedly imminent sex life any more, and begins threading his qi into the cave’s wards to allow their group passage in.

There’s quite a few of them for this first meeting. Yue Qingyuan is there as the head of the sect that will be making a forbidden proposal to Tianlang-Jun, of course, and Mu Qingfang is there as Shen Qingqiu’s doctor and the one who will be directly overseeing the proposal and the following treatment plan. Wei Qingwei has tagged along so he can stand around holding a couple spiritual swords that undoubtedly have some crazy powers, and Qi Qingqi has somehow wormed her way into the procession despite giving no reason for her presence. Perhaps a familiarity with brokering marriage deals, considering Xian Shu’s demographics. 

The only notable peak lords missing from the group are Liu Qingge and the canon fodder lord of Cang Qiong’s array peak, both of whom are already inside the cave to monitor how Tianlang-Jun reacts to the rest of them passing in and out of the wards containing him.

Truly, a whole retinue worthy of a prized bride’s first viewing, Shen Qingqiu thinks wryly.

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe calls, as if sensing an imbalance in the universe caused by Shen Qingqiu taking note of all the important people around him and not once thinking about Luo Binghe. “Tianlang-Jun is sure to agree. Even a demon cannot be happy living the way he has been; the deal we’re offering him is good. He’ll accept it.”

Shen Qingqiu replies with only an irritated little wave of his fan. It’s embarrassing enough that his disciple has involved himself in Shen Qingqiu’s health to the point that he’s the only non-peak lord present for this operation, Shen Qingqiu doesn’t need to hear the boy’s attempts to reassure Shen Qingqiu on top of everything else!

And anyway, this boy’s so-called reassuring words aren’t of any use to anyone who might need them, since Luo Binghe himself is vibrating like a chihuahua facing down the vet! 

Honestly, Binghe, which one of us is being sold off to a strange demonic man? How come you get to be the one with all the nerves, ah!

Inside the cavern, Tianlang-Jun is covered in just as many arrays and charms as the cave itself is. Immortal Binding Cables modified to key to demonic qi, robes stitched with arrays to increase their weight by several tons, a blindfold charmed to dull the senses - no matter Cang Qiong’s plans to bargain with the demon, it’s quite clear what sort of threat they believe he possesses.

Shen Qingqiu shoots a glance at Luo Binghe, who is watching Tianlang-Jun with no small amount of suspicion. If it were Luo Binghe in Tianlang-Jun’s place… well, the modified Binding Cables wouldn’t suppress both halves of his cultivation, and Luo Binghe is clever enough to know how to use his qi to sense his surroundings even when his sight and hearing are blocked, but…

Ah, it’s just a bit unnerving to see a Heavenly Demon so completely incapacitated! Knowing objectively that the great cultivation sects have managed to keep a Heavenly Demon confined for decades is a very different thing from seeing it outright. Shen Qingqiu had read hundreds upon hundreds of chapters detailing how unstoppable Luo Binghe was as a result of his heritage, after all; the sight in front of Shen Qingqiu now should be impossible. 

Shen Qingqiu resists the urge to fuss unnecessarily with Luo Binghe’s robes. He’ll make sure that Luo Binghe practices using finely controlled qi to untie ropes and tear the stitches in robes apart, in whatever borrowed time Shen Qingqiu is able to get before the Immortal Alliance Conference plotline reappears. If these are the cultivation world’s greatest tools to confine a demon like Luo Binghe, then it’s naturally Shen Qingqiu’s duty as his master to teach him how to overcome them! 

On Shen Qingqiu’s other side, Yue Qingyuan steps forward. He makes several quick hand seals, and Shen Qingqiu feels the flow of qi around Tianlang-Jun change somewhat. 

“Tianlang-Jun,” Yue Qingyuan calls, and the demon tilts his head up in the general direction of Yue Qingyuan’s voice. 

Ah, Shen Qingqiu thinks somewhat grimly, Yue Qingyuan is using his qi to move sound directly to Tianlang-Jun’s ears, since he can’t hear anything normally while wearing the charmed blindfold.

…Binghe, I promise, this master really will work on getting your father into some better conditions soon!!

Tianlang-Jun himself, however, seems much less put out by his current situation than Shen Qingqiu is.

“Oh?” He asks, his mouth curling into a sharp grin. “Isn’t this little Yue Qi’s qi? This Lord could hardly forget it, after all it did to me.”

“...Indeed,” Yue Qingyuan says after a moment, his expression complicated. When he catches Shen Qingqiu’s gaze on him, however, his expression smooths once more, his shoulders set with clear determination. “This Yue Qingyuan apologizes for the circumstances in which Tianlang-Jun grew so familiar with my qi in the past.”

The cultivators in the room shift, clearly uncomfortable with their sect leader apologizing to their demon captive. Liu Qingge’s expression is especially fierce, his grip tight on the hilt of his sword. 

None of them protest it, though. They’ve all long since agreed that some amount of face must be lost here in order to gain Tianlang-Jun’s cooperation. 

“Cang Qiong is a very different sort of prison keeper from Huan Hua after all,” Tianlang-Jun remarks lightly. “Will I be given food and water to drink alongside these pretty words?”

“Ideally,” Yue Qingyuan agrees.

Tianlang-Jun cocks his head. Clearly, that had not been the expected response. He doesn’t say anything else for a moment longer, but Shen Qingqiu gets the distinct feeling that Tianlang-Jun is feeling out the cave room in some way - perhaps listening to the fluctuations in Yue Qingyuan’s qi to determine how many other qi signatures might be present in the room alongside him?

“Ideally,” Yue Qingyuan continues, after a stretch of silence, “food and water will be among the smallest of courtesies provided to Tianlang-Jun. Cang Qiong in fact wishes to know what else Tianlang-Jun might enjoy during his stay with us.”

“Ideally,” Tianlang-Jun echoes cheerfully, “I’d be given your head on a platter, little Yue Qi.”

Liu Qingge draws his sword, but he doesn’t move towards Tianlang-Jun, only watching Yue Qingyuan carefully for any sign that he should act. Yue Qingyuan, in turn, only holds up a hand in a motion for patience.

“In the end, Tianlang-Jun is still a prisoner," Yue Qingyuan says. “Cang Qiong wishes to offer quality of life improvements, but nothing further.”

“One might argue that being bound as such is in fact the most major detriment to my quality of life,” Tianlang-Jun says.

“The binds… can also be negotiated.”

“My,” Tianlang-Jun gasps, his grin stretching wider. “Now I’m quite curious what the great masters of Cang Qiong want from me.”

Yue Qingyuan takes a steading breath. “We are under the impression that Tianlang-Jun is capable of curing a particular sort of poison,” he says. 

“Oh?” Tianlang-Jun says, delighted and very clearly picking up on the implications of Yue Qingyuan’s words. “A particular sort that only little-old-me can cure… don’t tell me, has Cang Qiong fallen to using demons as cultivation cauldrons?”

“If you refuse, then you refuse,” Shen Qingqiu says sharply. “No matter the stakes, Cang Qiong is not so crude as to take someone as a cauldron.”

“Tianlang-Jun, however, will not refuse,” Luo Binghe adds, clearly feeling prickly at the very idea of such a thing. 

Shen Qingqiu puts a hand on Luo Binghe’s shoulder, a gesture somewhere in between patting the boy in reassurance and trying to push him behind Shen Qingqiu. Luo Binghe, ah, don’t go picking fights with your father! In the first place, you’re the only disciple here, so just keep your mouth shut for now while the adults talk!!

Tianlang-Jun snorts. “Unfortunately, this Lord is no longer interested in laying with cultivators. I do, in fact, refuse.”

“Don’t speak crudely,” Liu Qingge barks, and Shen Qingqiu nearly rolls his eyes. 

Shidi, how is that more crude than the several long conversations you’ve been involved in that planned this whole thing out, ah?!

“If I’m going to be scolded anyway, I may as well say far more crude things, don’t you think?” Tianlang-Jun says, almost to himself. “What about: if a master of Cang Qiong tries to fuck a miracle cure out of me, I’ll use my blood parasites to tighten my rear flower around his dick so tightly it damages the master permanently!”

“Enough,” Yue Qingyuan says, gesturing once more for Liu Qingge to put his sword away. “Tianlang-Jun, please forgive us. This is a stressful period for us, but we truly wish to work with you to reach a compromise.”

“I’ve already laid out my position,” Tianlang-Jun says happily. “Feel free to compromise your own to meet with it.”

“Cang Qiong offers food and water, a release from the vast majority of his chains, and whatever leisurely pleasantries Tianlang-Jun wishes for himself that don’t endanger others,” Yue Qingyuan insists. 

“And I suppose little Yue Qi is thinking to define ‘endangerment’ by human standards as opposed to demonic ones,” Tianlang-Jun muses. “How very considerate of you, truly - a pinnacle of cultural accommodation.”

“Cang Qiong plans to abide by human standards, yes, but Cang Qiong hopes that Tianlang-Jun might see the benefit of such standards,” Yue Qingyuan says. The line of his shoulders is tense. “We would not do the dishonor of seeing one of our own through such a delicate treatment process without following all due process, and to human standards.”

“All due process,” Tianlang-Jun echoes. “Meaning, what - ensuring the poisoned little princess wears a condom when he takes what he wants from me? How kind, how kind, except - uh oh! - another cultural misstep from little Yue Qi! I find those things to be dreadfully unpleasant -”

Abruptly, Yue Qingyuan shifts the flow of his qi in the spell he’s been maintaining, reversing it to block sound rather than carry it in a very understandable bid to not hear anything more that Tianlang-Jun has to say.

“...” Yue Qingyuan says, his expression strained.

“...” Shen Qingqiu replies, keeping his fan raised high in front of his face.

“...” Luo Binghe agrees, his murderous smile looking very fitting for a black-bellied wolf cub.

Slowly, Yue Qingyuan undoes the hasty soundproofing charm. Shen Qingqiu can practically hear the man’s inner mantra reminding himself that he’s trying to broker a peaceful deal with Tianlang-Jun as he does it.

“What we mean,” Yue Qingyuan says after Tianlang-Jun can hear them again, “is that Tianlang-Jun will be treated as a suitor, as any dual cultivation partner of a peak lord would be. Naturally, a courtship partner will be treated far better than a prisoner.”

There’s a moment’s pause as Tianlang-Jun seems to consider this. No doubt he can feel the anxiety in the cave as clearly as if he were unbound and his senses not dampened; Yue Qingyuan’s qi in his ears must give away at least that much information based on the fluctuations in it caused by Yue Qingyuan’s own rising tension.

“Cang Qiong does not take demonic cauldrons after all,” Tianlang-Jun finally concludes. “They take concubines instead, to save face. How peculiar! Tell me, is this a common ritual for you all? When it’s proposed as a medical necessity like this, do high ranking wives still get some say in which concubines to bring into the household?”

“A courtship for medical purposes does not necessarily lead to taking a concubine in an official manner,” Luo Binghe says, hackles raised, pushing himself in front of Shen Qingqiu as if such a thing matters when Tianlang-Jun is bound and blindfolded. 

“Enough, Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu chides, once more trying to push Luo Binghe out of the way from in front of him. Ah, when did it get so difficult to push around this suddenly quite tall and heavy disciple of his! “We’ve said that we would follow the proper courtship procedures before, ah, treatment. It’s natural for anyone to assume that a successful courtship would result in some form of marriage.”

Luo Binghe makes a particularly sour face, and Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes at him before turning to look once more at Yue Qingyuan.

Ordinarily, Shen Qingqiu would be relieved to see Tianlang-Jun so against the idea of some medically-mandated hanky-panky with him. Unfortunately, Shen Qingqiu’s plan of striking a secret deal of his own is unlikely to pan out if he doesn’t ever get the chance to speak with Tianlang-Jun privately and with cooler tempers.

“Tianlang-Jun bears grudges against Cang Qiong’s cultivators,” Shen Qingqiu says evenly. “Perhaps it would be best if this master spoke to him one on one.”

Yue Qingyuan takes his turn making a sour face, although his is disguised much better than Luo Binghe’s had been.

“Shidi, surely at least I could stay -”

“Tianlang-Jun bears grudges against the specific cultivators who locked him up to begin with,” Shen Qingqiu amends, and Yue Qingyuan wilts. “This master, however, was not present at the time of the battle with Tianlang-Jun. I can speak to him without lingering resentments.”

Shen Qingqiu isn’t sure where Shen Jiu had been at the time of the battle with Tianlang-Jun, actually, but Cang Qiong’s records certainly don’t sing his praises like they do Yue Qingyuan’s.

“Oh, no,” Tianlang-Jun says pleasantly. “Don’t rearrange yourselves on my account - I assure you that I’d be happy to have any one of your heads on a stick, not just little Yue Qi’s.”

“I can speak to him with less lingering resentments,” Shen Qingqiu corrects. 

Yue Qingyuan hesitates, glancing between Shen Qingqiu and Tianlang-Jun. 

“Shidi,” he says, tone beseeching, “Tianlang-Jun is sure to agree once he understands the opportunity being presented to him. Shen-Shidi must have faith that I’m able to broker this agreement.”

Tianlang-Jun makes an appropriately doubtful noise, and Shen Qingqiu sighs.

“Zhangmen-Shixiong is talented at diplomacy and undoubtedly persistent when it is an issue concerning the well being of our Cang Qiong. Of course, this Shidi trusts Zhangmen-Shixiong to broker this deal -”

Yue Qingyuan brightens, and Shen Qingqiu levels him with an unimpressed look.

“- eventually. The sort of convincing that Zhangmen-Shixiong favors is a slow one when the other party has their hackles up, and Tianlang-Jun is unlikely to ever relax when surrounded by so many righteous cultivators.” 

Shen Qingqiu flicks his fan open and sends a glance over the top of it at their gaggle of assembled peak lords, aiming for ‘casually confident and unattached.’ In reality, of course, this whole situation makes his teeth itch, but Shen Qingqiu has become a master of the resting bitch face. 

“Allow me to speak with Tianlang-Jun privately, such that he may consider the proposal more calmly,” Shen Qingqiu says. “If it doesn’t work out, Zhangmen-Shixiong can always try again himself.”

Qi Qingqi hums, crossing her arms as she considers Tianlang-Jun. Tianlang-Jun, as if sensing her assessing gaze, helpfully widens his smile in a way that shows off all his sharp teeth.

“Men like Tianlang-Jun are certainly only more likely to be stubborn if they have more eyes on them,” Qi Qingqi says, quietly enough it won’t get picked up by Yue Qingyuan’s spell so that Tianlang-Jun won’t hear her. 

“And Shen Qingqiu is only more likely to do something foolish and get himself killed if he has less eyes on him,” Liu Qingge argues, posture tense. 

“Shidi,” Shen Qingqiu scolds, and then, noticing Luo Binghe’s half nod in agreement: “This master is not going to forget himself in a situation like this!”

Yue Qingyuan clears his throat. “Shen-Shidi will surely act cautiously,” he placates. “That doesn’t change the fact that Tianlang-Jun is very dangerous…”

“Oh, this shidi apologizes - I’d been under the impression that you all were trying to get me closer to the dangerous demon, in a situation where he would be tied up with less restraints, and with zero eyes on either of us,” Shen Qingqiu snaps, flustered.

“The poisoned young master has such scandalous thoughts!” Tianlang-Jun cries, clearly enjoying himself. “Tell me, what does ‘dangerous in bed’ mean to a human? I have some history with one of you, and - my - she was quite dangerous herself!”

“That’s enough,” Liu Qingge barks, waving his sword around. “This demon does not need his tongue to be of service -!”

“He needs it to agree to help,” Shen Qingqiu says bitterly.

“He’s capable of nodding yes or no,” Luo Binghe grumbles, and Shen Qingqiu cuffs him over the head in silent scolding.

Again, Luo Binghe - you are the child in the room! Stop talking!! Why were you even allowed to join everyone today, ah?!

“Even if Tianlang-Jun chooses to attack the moment he’s alone with me,” Shen Qingqiu says, trying to get back on topic, “Do we have no faith in our array masters’ work and its ability to hold him? There should be no danger besides Tianlang-Jun’s vocabulary, and - unfortunately - I do work with teenagers.”

“Even without an imminent threat, you two certainly can’t be left alone if we’re trying to do things properly,” Qi Qingqi scoffs. “These things require a chaperone.”

“How exciting,” Tianlang-Jun says to himself. “Chaperones, even! Like a spoiled young lady might have!”

Shen Qingqiu shifts his fan to specifically block Tianlang-Jun from his view.

“Chaperones aren’t required for meetings meant to broker the terms of an imprisonment,” Shen Qingqiu says, trying to ignore Tianlang-Jun. “Until an agreement is reached, that is all it will be.”

“But when an agreement is reached -”

“It won’t be,” Tianlang-Jun chimes in cheerily.

“- then for Shen-Shixiong to be left alone with him would be sullying our attempts to do this right!”

“Surely it can’t matter quite that much - we’re both men, after all!”

There’s a heavy pause. Qi Qingqi and Mu Qingfang exchange long-suffering looks.

“This disciple will chaperone,” Luo Binghe says firmly. “I’m familiar with the two most common Cultivator’s Chastity Pledges and have enough qi to pull off either one if necessary, and Shizun is used to tuning out my presence from sleeping under the same roof.”

“What business does Luo-Shizhi have learning those spells?” Mu Qingfang asks sharply.

“Shen-Shidi, that disciple is still living with you even at his current age?” Yue Qingyuan despairs at just the same time.

“It’s natural I would learn a minimum of one of the Cultivator’s Chastity Pledges - there’s all sorts of dogs sniffing around Qing Jing,” Luo Binghe sniffs, sending Liu Qingge a pointed look. 

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu scolds, snapping his fan shut into the palm of his hand. “Those spells are meant to gently force minimal distance between two individuals - they’re for chastity, as the name implies, not for you to be learning so you can use them in your scraps with the Bai Zhan disciples!”

After all, what else could that mean look at Liu Qingge have meant, other than Luo Binghe’s way of warning the Bai Zhan peak lord to keep a shorter leash on the disciples that always show up at Qing Jing for a fight?

“...Yes, Shizun,” Luo Binghe says. “So, this disciple will chaperone as Shizun works out a deal with Tianlang-Jun.”

“Fine, fine,” Shen Qingqiu sighs. “If someone must stay behind, Binghe is fine.”

After all, if anyone were to become suspicious of Shen Qingqiu’s plans, Luo Binghe would be the least damaging - Luo Binghe finding out that Shen Qingqiu is trying to gift him a father wouldn’t be a worst case scenario, even if the methods are a bit questionable!

Yue Qingyuan doesn’t look convinced, but the other peak lords seem settled at the assurance that Shen Qingqiu won’t be entirely alone with Tianlang-Jun, and Shen Qingqiu had been correct in pointing out that the resentment Tianlang-Jun carries towards Yue Qingyuan would hinder negotiations. They manage to usher Yue Qingyuan out of the cave with minimal protests, and soon it is only Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe remaining with their prisoner.

…Thank fuck!!

“Alright,” Shen Qingqiu says, some of his tension unraveling. “Binghe, go stand in the corner over there - put yourself properly in the shadows, where Tianlang-Jun won’t be able to see you.”

Shen Qingqiu is just the same as the rest of his martial siblings in the end - he wants something from Tianlang-Jun, but he doesn’t trust him yet, and he really doesn’t want Tianlang-Jun to be looking too closely at Luo Binghe until that trust has been formed. 

After all, Tianlang-Jun recognizing Luo Binghe as family could force Luo Binghe’s demonic heritage to be revealed, and that reveal could in turn force the Abyss plotline to start back up regardless of Shen Qingqiu’s attempts to delay it. Shen Qingqiu wants to free Luo Binghe’s father, but that’s only the end goal. Until then, if everyone could simply calmly go along with Shen Qingqiu’s plan to delay the Abyss without making any waves, that would be ideal. 

Tianlang-Jun only needs to recognize Luo Binghe as his son when Shen Qingqiu can delay the Abyss no longer, and he must swap from trying to keep Luo Binghe safe and happy at home to trying to get a newly-blackened Luo Binghe to spare Shen Qingqiu’s life for the betrayal! 

…Although, sometimes even the current Luo Binghe acts a bit blackened and stubborn, ah…

“All the way into the shadows, Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu says, watching Luo Binghe take the world’s smallest and most reluctant steps towards the corner Shen Qingqiu had indicated. “You can chaperone from over there.”

“But, Shizun -”

Shen Qingqiu cuts him off with a sharp look. 

“More important than my supposed chastity is my disciple’s safety,” he says sternly. “I can’t use quite the same spell your Zhangmen-Shibo did, so Tianlang-Jun won’t hear any attempts I might make to negotiate with him unless I remove his sense-dampening blindfold. Answer this master: is it smart to reveal the appearances of our allies to a potential enemy?”

“No, Shizun, but -”

“Then Binghe will hide himself away before I remove Tianlang-Jun’s blindfold.”

Luo Binghe sends him an especially baleful look, but tucks himself away into a shadowy corner obediently. Satisfied, Shen Qingqiu turns back to Tianlang-Jun.

Tianlang-Jun was truly bound without mercy. So long as Shen Qingqiu is careful not to get bitten, there isn’t much to fear in approaching the man, even though he can practically feel Luo Binghe’s nervous energy spike when he gets close.

Not much for it, though - Shen Qingqiu isn’t going to attempt knocking Tianlang-Jun’s blindfold off from a distance with his qi or Xiu Ya, since a mistake could lead to tearing the charmed blindfold or spilling some potentially deadly Heavenly Demon blood.

Carefully, Shen Qingqiu lifts the blindfold from Tianlang-Jun’s head.

…Fuck! Shen Qingqiu thinks, very quickly stuffing the blindfold back on Tianlang-Jun.

“How is the master cultivator ever going to convince me to get into bed with him if he can’t even manage to look my handsome face in the eye?” Tianlang-Jun drawls, unamused.

Shen Qingqiu barely notes it, however, heart racing with panic. Tianlang-Jun’s eyes, the bridge of his nose, the arch of his brows…

…They look exactly like those very same features on Luo Binghe’s face!

Alright, so Shen Qingqiu hadn’t counted on the family resemblance being so visible - sue him! Surely he can’t be blamed! After all, Luo Binghe is supposed to be a peerless beauty - even his own father should not be comparable!! 

Shen Qingqiu whips around to look back at Luo Binghe, who is watching Shen Qingqiu with sharp eyes. He doesn’t seem any more or less tense than he had when Shen Qingqiu had first approached Tianlang-Jun, though, so he must not have gotten a good look. 

If Shen Qingqiu tells Luo Binghe to turn around, or to close his eyes…

Nope, not happening! Shen Qingqiu likes his cute little white sheep disciple very much, but even he is aware that Luo Binghe has a willful streak that Shen Qingqiu has done admittedly very little to curb. If Shen Qingqiu tells Luo Binghe not to look, then Luo Binghe will most certainly look even closer!

“Is something wrong, Shizun?” Luo Binghe calls, at attention just from Shen Qingqiu having turned back to look at him.

“Of course not,” Shen Qingqiu lies. “I only wanted to tell Binghe that I’m going to put up a privacy ward.”

“Shizun -!”

“Oh, hush, you’ll still be able to see!” Shen Qingqiu says. “But the discussion your master needs to have with Tianlang-Jun is, ah - well, it isn’t for a disciple’s ears!”

Luo Binghe flushes so red that Shen Qingqiu can see it even with how little light reaches the corner Luo Binghe is standing in. 

“But -”

“Yes, exactly!” Shen Qingqiu cries, pushing down his own rising embarrassment. “Butts! And all sorts of things you won’t want to hear about your old teacher!”

Luo Binghe makes an interesting sort of face before morphing into steadfast determination.

“It is this disciple’s duty to ensure Shizun’s safety in every sense. In fact, this disciple would be honored to hear in great detail -!”

Shen Qingqiu puts up the privacy ward. 

He can still hear Luo Binghe of course - he isn’t so foolish as to make it a two way ward and lose the ability to hear if Luo Binghe starts moving around or approaching - but Luo Binghe doesn’t have to know that!

Then, carefully positioning himself to stand between Tianlang-Jun and Luo Binghe’s view of him, Shen Qingqiu removes the man’s blindfold once more.

…Ah, seeing those startlingly intense and pretty eyes on a face that has been marred with starvation and dirt and the ill treatment of a prisoner of war -!

Shen Qingqiu clears his throat, recollecting himself. He’ll be getting Luo Binghe’s father into better conditions soon enough.

“I apologize for the commotion,” Shen Qingqiu says. “And, as Yue Qingyuan had said, for the circumstances under which we must meet. This master is Shen Qingqiu; I am the one who has been poisoned.”

Tianlang-Jun, who had been looking around the cave curiously as Shen Qingqiu spoke, pauses to look up at Shen Qingqiu and waggle his eyebrows at him.

“Yes, yes, this lord’s little suitor. Master Shen, did you know that in demonic culture it is customary to offer the heads of your intended partner’s enemies as an initial courtship gift? It would truly be quite culturally insensitive of you not to follow through. If you can’t get me Yue Qi’s, I can get it myself, should Master Shen untie me.”

“My most sincere apologies,” Shen Qingqiu says with no sincerity at all. “Unfortunately, it is a human courtship ritual that you sit quietly and listen obediently to everything I say, so perhaps we can compromise.”

“Really?” Tianlang-Jun asks, seemingly genuinely curious. “At first glance, Lord Shen looks like he’d make for a bit of a pillow princess rather than someone who can give orders, let alone someone who can keep their partner quiet and obedient.”

Shen Qingqiu’s eye twitches. 

Not counting Tianlang-Jun’s blatant attempts to get Shen Qingqiu to help him out of his restraints and into a bloody path of revenge, Shen Qingqiu does in fact try to be culturally polite. He was raised on the modern internet, after all - he knows all about being politically correct, and being an ally, and - and all kinds of stuff that made Shen Yuan a totally nice guy! So Shen Qingqiu knows about demonic culture, and he is tolerant of it -

But really, there must be a limit to how shameless demons are! Shen Qingqiu isn’t sure how he’s supposed to make it through this negotiation with Tianlang-Jun like this!

Shen Qingqiu sighs, checks the fortification of the privacy ward, and clarifies: “Despite what my martial siblings have said, I myself do not wish to cure the poison I am afflicted with.”

Tianlang-Jun blinks. Then he nods, as if having understood something.

“Ah,” he says wisely. “Playing hard to get. An unusual choice for the circumstances of Master Shen’s health, but it does make for an interesting plot, doesn’t it?”

“Not playing,” Shen Qingqiu says through gritted teeth. “Tianlang-Jun and myself are alike in that we have no desire to dual cultivate with one another.”

Tianlang-Jun gives Shen Qingqiu an assessing look, then shrugs. Shen Qingqiu ignores the gesture entirely.

“I have my own motivations to assist Tianlang-Jun,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Better than the ridiculous proposal my martial siblings have given you, how about this: if you are willing to play along with a false courtship for some time, I will ensure you see a genuine freedom in the end.”

“And I suppose Master Shen has some human definition of what ‘genuine freedom’ means for me?” Tianlang-Jun asks wryly.

“I can’t claim to wish no restrictions upon you whatsoever,” Shen Qingqiu admits. “I do hope that you would not harm my martial siblings, regardless of past grudges. Outside of that - no, I have no restrictions in mind.”

Well, Shen Qingqiu does have one other thing in mind - in order for this all to be worth it to begin with, Tianlang-Jun must act as a good father to Luo Binghe once their familial ties come to light. 

Even if that relationship was laid bare right this moment though, it wouldn’t be necessary to outline such a requirement. To be Luo Binghe’s father would be an honor for any man; to spoil Luo Binghe accordingly will come naturally to Tianlang-Jun, as it would to anyone else.

“A true saint,” Tianlang-Jun says. It doesn’t sound especially sincere. 

Shen Qingqiu frowns, tapping his closed fan against his open palm. Despite the general levity with which Tianlang-Jun carries himself with, he’s clearly cynical and distrusting of cultivators - and with good reason, Shen Qingqiu supposes. 

If Shen Qingqiu had to convince a blackened Luo Binghe to trust a former enemy who has suddenly extended a hand to help…

Forget it, forget it, the only times it happened were when the former enemy had been a busty woman suddenly overcome by Luo Binghe’s charm! 

…Which might… actually be the category that Tianlang-Jun has mentally filed Shen Qingqiu away into, considering the courtship and dual cultivation treatment plan that Shen Qingqiu had been introduced to Tianlang-Jun as a part of.

Shen Qingqiu suddenly feels especially queasy. 

“Just to reiterate, I don’t want to dual cultivate with you,” Shen Qingqiu warns. “This point must be made very clear.”

“Yes, yes,” Tianlang-Jun agrees. “Master Shen has his sensibilities about how such things must be done.”

“So Tianlang-Jun will be considering putting his faith in me without thinking I’m some foolish maiden offering this proposal to you because I’ve become charmed by your good looks or some other nonsense.”

“If you say so,” Tianlang-Jun says. 

Shen Qingqiu nods, relieved. He would have appreciated a more enthusiastic agreement from Tianlang-Jun, but so long as the point is clear!! 

So, then, if Shen Qingqiu were to convince a blackened Luo Binghe to trust a former enemy, all while Luo Binghe knows the former enemy has no interest in his magical healing pillar and pretty eyes…

As Shen Qingqiu thinks, Tianlang-Jun’s gaze starts to wander around his surroundings again. His eyes linger on some of the visible arrays in the cave - their anchor points, the places where the qi distorts the air, and the few places where specific circles have had to be drawn out explicitly onto the rock. 

“These truly are very different containment arrays than the ones the gilded dicks who had me before used,” Tianlang-Jun remarks. 

Shen Qingqiu follows his gaze, humming thoughtfully. 

“Well,” he says, considering the arrays himself. “I imagine Huan Hua’s would have been much more… physically centered. Array circles carved into the rock instead of drawn on it, that sort of thing. They’re otherwise quite similar in execution; ours just aren’t intended for long-term use like Huan Hua’s had been.”

“Cang Qiong is quite confident that this lord will peacefully succumb to their scheming,” Tianlang-Jun remarks.

“Many prisoners peacefully agree to do free labor or provide information in exchange for a less restrictive confinement - or a shorter sentence, as I am offering with my own proposal,” Shen Qingqiu remarks. 

“And how many prisoners that agree to such deals are fools who have gotten their hopes up for nothing, only getting shamelessly taken advantage of in the end?” Tianlang-Jun counters. “Cang Qiong could offer the world, but the world will not be given away based on the flimsy promises of cultivators.”

“Not all who claim to be righteous cultivators are as such,” Shen Qingqiu allows. “Cang Qiong is not without flaws either. Personally, I believe that their attempts to bargain with you are one of those flaws, but I don’t have much room to throw stones at the issue. In the end, I can only ask that Tianlang-Jun consider my offer seriously, even if he is not certain of my own righteousness.”

“Master Shen’s offer in which he thinks he will give me more than what all of Cang Qiong offers, for less of a price?” Tianlang-Jun asks. “Master Shen, does it always have to be such a complicated roleplay with you, or are you capable of getting off without it? Was the poison also received by Master Shen on purpose for this plot?”

“And does it always have to be about the pursuit of dual cultivation for you, or are you capable of taking others seriously?” Shen Qingqiu snaps, irritated. 

This - Shen Qingqiu really has been trying to remain civil, but - but really, Luo Binghe would never be so crass! Shen Qingqiu is really looking forward to the part where Tianlang-Jun chills the fuck out and becomes a bit more like - like whatever Shen Qingqiu had imagined Luo Binghe’s father would be like!

“Master Shen has hardly presented me with another interpretation of his motivations,” Tianlang-Jun says, shrugging. “He claims to have different ones from Cang Qiong itself, but while they remain hidden, it’s both simpler and more fun to assume that Master Shen is as desperate for treatment as it seems.”

Shen Qingqiu regards Tianlang-Jun silently for a moment, still tapping his closed fan in the palm of his hand in a nervous fidget. 

‘If I were to convince a blackened Luo Binghe to trust an enemy without considering papapa to be a factor,’ Shen Qingqiu has been thinking, over and over and over again, until the words have become less contemplative and more hopeless. 

If Shen Qingqiu were to convince a blackened, revenge-driven, grudge-keeping Heavenly Demon to trust an enemy without considering any motivation as a factor, the way Shen Qingqiu has so far attempted…

Well, not even Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had ever allowed a Heavenly Demon to see an IQ drop so terrible that a ‘dude, trust me,’ would ever convince one of them. If Shen Qingqiu were to convince a blackened Luo Binghe to trust an enemy, it would be because he presented an irrefutably convincing motivation. 

Despairingly, Shen Qingqiu almost considers walking back his insistence that he doesn’t want to see Without-a-Cure taken care of. As much as he despises it - and as much as Shen Qingqiu as a straight man with no tits to speak of doesn’t fit the trope - the desire to dual cultivate is a motivation proven to convince Heavenly Demons.

It isn’t one that Tianlang-Jun has expressed a desire to fulfill, though, and Shen Qingqiu changing his tune now would likely only cause Tianlang-Jun to double down on his distrust. More importantly, Shen Qingqiu’s own plans to delay the Abyss plotline will be more difficult to carry out if Tianlang-Jun is earnestly attempting to just get the dual cultivation treatment over with and move on. 

Shen Qingqiu needs a motivation that is both believable and entirely unrelated to medicinal dual cultivation; he needs a motivation that would convince Tianlang-Jun to play along with Shen Qingqiu’s plans entirely.

Perhaps Shen Qingqiu could pretend to be a demon sympathizer, wishing only to support Tianlang-Jun so that he may reclaim his crown? But Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t be able to prove it out should there be any further demon attacks on Cang Qiong, and Shen Qingqiu has already made a name for himself defending the sect from previous ones like the one Sha Hualing had led. 

Then, maybe Shen Qingqiu could claim to be a complete pacifist, simply disgusted with the practice of keeping war prisoners and wanting to see Tianlang-Jun set free to ease his conscience? No, no, that excuse would fly out the window if Tianlang-Jun ever learned of the little petting zoo that Shen Qingqiu has been making out of the odd beasts Liu Qingge drops on his doorstep; a demon kept in a zoo enclosure and a demon kept in a cave aren’t all that different, even if one is cute and fluffy and the other is humanoid.

Shen Qingqiu sighs, frustrated. Admittedly, he hadn’t counted on Tianlang-Jun being so resistant. Who would so easily refuse offers of better treatment and freedom, just because of a little bad blood, ah? Has Tianlang-Jun just become so used to imprisonment that he’s grown to like it?!

Except… Tianlang-Jun’s cheeks are hollow, and the shadows under his eyes are deep and ugly. A Heavenly Demon’s blood parasites might keep them alive through starvation and drought, but it wouldn’t be able to eliminate the symptoms entirely. It reminds Shen Qingqiu a bit of the way that Luo Binghe had first looked when Shen Yuan had first become Shen Qingqiu; underfed and exhausted but still doggedly continuing on exactly as he is.

Shen Qingqiu’s stupid little heart, trained to be weak to exactly this set of eyes over its years of carefully raising Luo Binghe up into a spoiled brat, betrays him. Isn’t Tianlang-Jun a bit pitiful? it asks, and Shen Qingqiu…

Well, fine! So what if this hadn’t been the plan?! So long as Luo Binghe himself remains out of the loop, it will probably still end up fine!!

Let’s give this skeptical old demon a reason to believe Shen Qingqiu and a reason to be a bit happier!!

“If it means Tianlang-Jun will consider my offer seriously, then I will disclose my personal motivation with you,” Shen Qingqiu says, finally stilling the hand that had been tapping his fan. “I trust that you will understand why it must remain a secret once you see.”

Saying so, Shen Qingqiu drops the privacy ward.

“Binghe, come here,” he calls. 

Luo Binghe, who had clearly been waiting with every muscle tensed to respond to this exact order, rushes out from his hiding spot to Shen Qingqiu’s side. He instantly launches into a tirade of anxiously asking if everything is okay, and if Tianlang-Jun had ‘realized how heavenly the offer to be Shen Qingqiu’s concubine is,’ and all other sorts of nonsense. 

Shen Qingqiu keeps his eyes on Tianlang-Jun, though, so he does not miss the way that Tianlang-Jun’s lazy smile freezes when Luo Binghe first steps into the light. 

“Tianlang-Jun understands, then,” Shen Qingqiu says evenly. Absently, he raises a hand up to pat at Luo Binghe’s head, trying to silently soothe the sticky white sheep from his fussing. 

He’ll have to be careful about having Luo Binghe and an unmasked Tianlang-Jun in the same room as his martial siblings, considering how instantly Tianlang-Jun himself clocked the family resemblance.

“...Master Shen knows how to stage a nasty surprise,” Tianlang-Jun says, his smile strained. “Indeed, I understand now.”

Shen Qingqiu frowns. “Don’t say ‘nasty’ about this,” he scolds without even thinking about it, patting Luo Binghe more firmly. I just gave you excellent news, ah!!

Tianlang-Jun isn’t looking at him, though, his gaze fixated on Luo Binge. 

“Boy -”

“Luo Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu corrects.

“Little Binghe,” Tianlang-Jun says, and Shen Qingqiu… finds that he is really, really not liking the bitter sort of expression that has twisted Tianlang-Jun’s face. “Didn’t your mother teach you it’s rude to lurk around while the adults are talking?”

“This master had been the one to tell Binghe to hide originally,” Shen Qingqiu protests. Both Tianlang-Jun and Luo Binghe ignore him.

“My mother taught me to look after what is mine,” Luo Binghe says, tilting his head up challengingly. “Tianlang-Jun should be grateful; it’s her guidance that has allowed you to stand here today, presented with a golden opportunity in exchange for assisting with Shizun’s health.”

Tianlang-Jun barks out a laugh.

“Her guidance?” He parrots. “Certainly, her guidance is what has led to my being here today, bound as a prisoner!”

“Cang Qiong is offering to remove those binds, not to keep them,” Luo Binghe snaps, then casts a falsely demure look at Shen Qingqiu. “Shizun, please be patient, this Tianlang-Jun must only have been refusing until now because he didn’t understand the words being said to him.”

Shen Qingqiu only barely doesn’t grimace. He doesn’t quite get the full picture, but he can grasp enough of it to know that things are very quickly spiraling out of control. 

Clearly, Tianlang-Jun had not been on great terms with Luo Binghe’s birth mother at the time of Tianlang-Jun’s imprisonment. Belatedly, Shen Qingqiu realizes that this may not actually be much of a surprise; after all, Tianlang-Jun had been waging war on the cultivation sects that Luo Binghe’s mother had presumably been a part of!

Still, things aren’t unsalvageable yet. Luo Binghe seems to be under the impression that Tianlang-Jun is only bringing up his mother as a vague ‘fuck your mother’ sort of insult, rather than a targeted one. And, critically, Luo Binghe had never known his birth mother. Luo Binghe is a son that Tianlang-Jun can care for without feeling any lingering resentment for the old flame he had with Luo Binghe’s birth mother, once he understands this!

Tianlang-Jun might be a bit insensitive and rude, but once he understands -!

“Enough, both of you,” Shen Qingqiu says, stepping between Tianlang-Jun and Luo Binghe. “Tianlang-Jun, I ask that whatever quarrel you have with the cultivation sects, you keep Luo Binghe out of it.”

“His mother -” Tianlang-Jun snarls, his toothy smile gone completely now, and Shen Qingqiu snaps his fan open just so the sound of it will interrupt Tianlang-Jun’s words.

“Tianlang-Jun,” Shen Qingqiu says warningly. “To speak so cruelly of someone’s dead mother is not something I will tolerate, even from someone just flinging mud without watching where it lands.”

Tianlang-Jun flinches as if he’s been slapped. For the first time since Luo Binghe has approached, Tianlang-Jun wrenches his gaze away from Luo Binghe and meets Shen Qingqiu’s gaze.

“Whatever past grievances Tianlang-Jun has with the righteous cultivation sects, and whatever makes Tianlang-Jun think he has the right to speak of Luo Binghe’s mother or how he was raised,” Shen Qingqiu says, “Luo Binghe should be kept out of it. Does Tianlang-Jun understand?”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe whines over Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder. “Shizun, this disciple is capable of standing his own ground. Shizun shouldn’t risk the negotiation over this disciple’s honor -”

“This is the negotiation,” Shen Qingqiu interrupts, still glaring over his fan at Tianlang-Jun. “Does Tianlang-Jun understand?”

Tianlang-Jun, this is your son - this is the personal motivation that I have and that must remain hidden, Shen Qingqiu thinks desperately. I am trying to give your son a father. Luo Binghe is uninvolved in everything that turned you bitter towards righteous cultivators, so forget past grievances, and work with me on this!

Tianlang-Jun’s expression has gone carefully blank. He turns his gaze over Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder to look at Luo Binghe once more. 

“...Boy,” Tianlang-Jun calls. Then, at Shen Qingqiu’s irritated flap of his fan, corrects: “Little Binghe.”

‘Little Binghe’ sounds much less mocking this time that Tianlang-Jun says it, but it isn’t especially welcoming, either.

Behind Shen Qingqiu, Luo Binghe shifts his weight. “This disciple is not the focus of this negotiation,” he says. 

Shen Qingqiu recognizes the tone of voice from when he had tried to scold some of the older Qing Jing disciples into eventually apologizing for the way they had bullied Luo Binghe in the past. From Luo Binghe, that tone means: I don’t care to hear your apologies, but neither do I care enough about you to bother with holding a grievance.

Shen Qingqiu frowns behind his fan. It’s good that Luo Binghe has other priorities at the moment that prevent him from caring to build a grudge against Tianlang-Jun, sure, but… but Luo Binghe, this is your father!! Not that you can be allowed to know that, right now, but one day you’ll regret being so indifferent towards your last remaining blood relative!!

“Binghe will be the chaperone for Tianlang-Jun and myself for the foreseeable future, should Tianlang-Jun agree to cooperate,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Which is why it’s important that you two get along.”

“This disciple can appreciate the importance of a life-saving medicine no matter how bitter it tastes,” Luo Binghe insists. 

“It’s important to me that you two get along, then,” Shen Qingqiu amends. 

Luo Binghe doesn’t look especially convinced, but Shen Qingqiu is confident that he can wear Luo Binghe down over time. Right now, he just needs Tianlang-Jun to agree to work with them on it.

“Master Shen’s concerns are only relevant if there are meetings to chaperone in the first place,” Tianlang-Jun points out. He seems to have mostly recovered from the shock of meeting Luo Binghe by now, but he hasn’t quite slipped back into the cheerfully-rude demeanor he’d been wearing at first. 

“I’ve made it clear what I’m offering, and what my motivations are for doing so,” Shen Qingqiu shrugs. “Tianlang-Jun does not strike me as a fool; a chaperone will be needed.”

“On the topic of courtships, I have been proven to be such a fool in the past,” Tianlang-Jun says a bit bitterly. 

“That doesn’t matter now,” Shen Qingqiu says firmly. 

After all, Tianlang-Jun knows Shen Qingqiu only wants a false courtship, with no end goal. Bad breakups of the past have no place tainting a fake-dating scheme! 

“...I suppose not,” Tianlang-Jun says, his eyes sliding once more back over to Luo Binghe. “Little Binghe will chaperone?”

“And the courtship will be a very long one, so you two will learn to get along,” Shen Qingqiu agrees. 

By the time Luo Binghe needs to enter the Abyss, Luo Binghe and his father should be as friendly as possible! Then, after Shen Qingqiu frees Tianlang-Jun fully, Luo Binghe will have a loving demonic daddy waiting for him on the other side of the Abyss, ready to convince Luo Binghe not to seek revenge on the treacherous Shizun who reunited them!

“Hm,” Tianlang-Jun says, and then - finally - breaks out into a toothy grin once more. “Master Shen is truly as chaste as a noble lady, seeking such a long courtship.”

Luo Binghe puffs up like an offended cat, but he doesn’t say anything. Shen Qingqiu’s warning that he wants Luo Binghe to get along with Tianlang-Jun must have been enough to get him to hold his tongue.

“Then we have a deal?” Shen Qingqiu asks.

“Master Shen isn’t exactly my type,” Tianlang-Jun drawls, “but sure - try to convince me otherwise.”

Chapter Text

Without the almost thrilling prospect of brokering secret deals behind his martial siblings’ backs, Shen Qingqiu finds that meeting with Tianlang-Jun is just… awkward, to put it lightly. 

Not that Shen Qingqiu is awkward in the context of dating, haha! He’s super good at dating, in fact! This awkwardness only comes from the fact that this is a fake gay dating scheme, and Shen Qingqiu is so good at dating and being straight that he can’t even begin to figure out how to do it in a fake/gay way!

Is Shen Qingqiu supposed to act interested? Not interested? Somewhere in between? What level of interest is appropriate for a courtship that must last as long as possible without ever coming to fruition, while also not attracting any suspicion from the martial siblings that would surely not tolerate Shen Qingqiu’s plans to never cure Without-a-Cure?

Ah, Shen Qingqiu should have discussed this more thoroughly with Tianlang-Jun before he dropped the privacy ward and showed Luo Binghe off like he had! Shen Qingqiu had made his point about the courtship being long and false, sure, but who knows what that means to Tianlang-Jun. Perhaps a long courtship to that man is only a matter of weeks, or maybe he’s the type to think that fake dating plots need to include nonsense like practice kissing! 

Maybe Shen Qingqiu should re-read that book he’d found on demonic courtship rituals, but what if he can’t replicate them? If the optimal path forward is to act interested or to show some sort of obvious attraction, then Shen Qingqiu can’t follow it to begin with! Sure, it’s just fake dating, but even the most talented actors aren’t suited for every role.

But then again, it isn’t as if Cang Qiong is expecting Shen Qingqiu to actually feel attraction to Tianlang-Jun, surely? They all dislike the man - even more so than Shen Qingqiu does, in fact, since they don’t have the benefit of knowing that the man fathered a truly precious little disciple! So then, perhaps Shen Qingqiu’s best option really is to just act as a medical patient rather than a courtship partner? Ah, let’s see, let’s see, if Shen Qingqiu truly had a vested interest in his health and finding a cure to Without-a-Cure, then perhaps he would… show up to each date with a clear interest in learning more about dual cultivation?

…Forget it!! That’s impossible too! And anyway, it’s once more a plot that can’t be planned out completely, since Shen Qingqiu has no idea how Tianlang-Jun will be acting his own role! Maybe he can -

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe calls, and Shen Qingqiu only barely doesn’t jump in his seat as he’s startled out of his thoughts.

Shen Qingqiu half-turns from his vanity to throw a distracted glance Luo Binghe’s way, his hands still fiddling with his hair as he moves.

“Ah, yes, of course - right. Yes, I’m almost done now -” As he says it, Shen Qingqiu’s hair slips out from the pin that had been holding it in place, and in his panic to stop it Shen Qingqiu fumbles and nearly drops the hair crown he’d been working on putting into place. “Wait - ah, Binghe, I’ve almost got it, I’ll just -”

Shen Qingqiu’s fumbling gets worse, and the hair crown falls to the ground with an embarrassing clatter. Shen Qingqiu winces, looking away from the scene of the crime to throw a doubtful glance to the polished silver mirror he’s sitting in front of.

…Maybe he could just go with his hair down? Surely everyone has days when putting their hair up is just too much work, ah!

Behind him, Luo Binghe bends to pick up the hair crown before approaching to carefully set the crown onto Shen Qingqiu’s vanity.

“Apologies for startling Shizun,” he says, watching Shen Qingqiu’s expression carefully, and Shen Qingqiu scowls.

“I should have you wear a bell,” he grumbles. A big one, even, like the sorts cattle might wear - it would fit the little sheep aesthetic and give Shen Qingqiu a warning when his disciple is trying to sneak up on him!!

“Shizun is as wise as ever,” Luo Binghe says. “Instructing the disciples to wear bells would be a very interesting practice in stealth and light-footedness.”

Shen Qingqiu sends Luo Binghe a sour look. Luo Binghe only smiles back at him.

…Whatever, whatever!! Shen Qingqiu will let it go just this once, and only because he wants to hear whatever it is that Luo Binghe came over here to tell him, so that he can quickly get back to getting ready for his date!

“Did Binghe need something?”

Luo Binghe’s expression turns pitiful. “Shizun, this disciple just isn’t sure how to grade this poem…”

Saying so, he extends a piece of paper to Shen Qingqiu, covered in the messy scrawl of one of the junior disciples. It must be one of the small homework assignments that Shen Qingqiu had delegated to Luo Binghe to grade, then.

Shen Qingqiu takes it and reads it over, and then - despite all the tension that had him wound so tight he might burst just a moment ago - nearly breaks out into a coughing fit in his struggle to hide his laughter.

A sword’s dull edge will fail to cut cleanly, the poem reads. Fools may still put it to use, but an unsharpened blade won’t kill with mercy. The head of my enemy is cut off in laborious determination, but their eyes track every swing, and their body feels every strike. They wished to die long ago. 

A master would never recommend this path, and yet the dull blades of disciples are instructed to be drawn regardless, day after day. The sun rises and falls, my own dull blade rises and falls, but expectations only ever rise while I fall short.

May the master grade with more mercy than he allowed this assignment, forced to be dealt with by a disciple and his dull blade.

“This is…” Shen Qingqiu trails off, his lips twitching as he struggles to suppress a smile.

“From Wang-Shidi, Shizun.”

Shen Qingqiu gives up, and laughs quietly to himself. Ah, that mischievous disciple! No one on Qing Jing complains more, and yet the same voice complaining is often the loudest voice when insulting the other peaks. How can the same disciple use one breath to shout to the skies about how good Qing Jing is compared to its sister peaks, when his next is used to complain so straightforwardly about the sort of homework that Qing Jing assigns?

Although, this is the first time to Shen Qingqiu’s knowledge that this disciple has dared to put his complaints into such a form that Shen Qingqiu himself might see it - it isn’t common knowledge that Luo Binghe is largely in charge of grading the few disciples younger than himself, after all. This disciple might truly have handed this poem in thinking that Shen Qingqiu himself would be grading it.

“Your Wang-Shidi might need some extra eyes on him,” Shen Qingqiu says, his eyes still crescented in mirth. “If he’s this brazen with his complaints, this master wouldn’t be surprised if he soon turned from throwing his self-proclaimed ‘dull blade’ at his assignments and instead began borrowing another’s to complete the task for him.”

“Qing Jing wouldn’t dare to keep cheaters on its peak,” Luo Binghe says, puffing up with determination, only to deflate a moment later when Shen Qingqiu shakes his head.

“Let him cheat if he wishes,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Only if you catch him in the act should he be punished. Qing Jing wishes for all its disciples to advance in the arts, but it isn’t bad to have a disciple skilled in scheming and politics even while failing poetry.”

“Shizun!” Luo Binghe gasps, and Shen Qingqiu pins him with a stern look.

“It only isn’t bad if they’re skilled in politics,” he emphasizes. “Which is why Binghe had best keep an extra eye on this disciple, hm? If he bests my prized disciple, then this Wang-Shidi of yours deserves some praise for being properly sneaky.”

“...As Shizun says,” Luo Binghe acquiesces. “Then, for his grade…?”

Shen Qingqiu hums, reading over the poem once more. “Which assignment was this for? Was his poem meant to convey a specific meaning?”

“The hallmasters said it was supposed to highlight an unwelcome truth.”

“Hm,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Then he can get half marks - it’s good for disciples to remember how dangerous an unsharpened sword can be.”

“But…?”

“Naturally, it is the duty of a disciple to work on sharpening his own sword, rather than the fault of his master for asking him to wield a blade,” Shen Qingqiu finishes. 

“Naturally,” Luo Binghe agrees.

Shen Qingqiu glances back down at the poem, feeling a bit pleased with the disciples he’s raised on Qing Jing. “Of course, unrelated to this specific assignment, Binghe may give extra credit where he thinks it might be earned...”

“Extra credit?”

“For example, if Binghe wishes to encourage a certain disciple who dislikes their poetry classes because they feel as if they are too dull to keep up with them, but who in reality can be quite clever with their work.”

Luo Binghe takes the poem back from Shen Qingqiu with a small smile. “Shizun is too indulgent towards his disciples.”

“Should I stop indulging you, then?”

“Indeed, it’s really quite good that Shizun is so indulgent - in fact, he’s indulgent to just the right degree!”

Shen Qingqiu huffs out a quiet breath of laughter, amused. This brat!

Rolling up the poem and tucking it away in his sleeve, Luo Binghe glances towards the forgotten hair crown on Shen Qingqiu’s vanity. 

“This disciple took up too much of Shizun’s time,” he says. “We’ll need to be leaving soon; should this disciple assist in any way…?”

Shen Qingqiu blinks, following Luo Binghe’s gaze towards his vanity. He’d… completely forgotten that he was in the middle of getting ready for his first (fake) date with Tianlang-Jun! He’d truly been thoroughly distracted by this disciple of his, ah!!

“...Your Wang-Shidi surely won’t succeed if he does try to cheat,” Shen Qingqiu says. “In the end, it’s Binghe who is best at sneaky tactics.”

“This disciple surely doesn’t know what Shizun is referring to, but will happily accept Shizun’s praise nonetheless.”

Shen Qingqiu sends him a wry smile, but doesn’t push the matter. Perhaps he really is too indulgent with Luo Binghe, but if it emboldens this little sheep to the point where he’s comfortable with sneakily distracting Shen Qingqiu from all his worries, then he won’t complain too much. Laughing together over a disciple’s homework is certainly much more pleasant than worrying about an upcoming date, after all.

“Very well,” Shen Qingqiu allows. “Go ahead and put this old man out of his misery and help me with my hair, then.”

Luo Binghe has helped Shen Qingqiu with his hair only a handful of times in the past; mornings when Shen Qingqiu was too slow getting out of bed to properly prepare himself for a peak lord’s meeting or other such nonsense. Those few times, Shen Qingqiu had always found the experience to be quite soothing, happy to relax into the feeling of someone else handling his mess of long hair for him. 

It doesn’t feel too bad this time, either. 

Still, when Luo Binghe finishes brushing out Shen Qingqiu’s hair and reaches around to the vanity to pick up a hair crown, Shen Qingqiu can’t help but feel a bit irritated. 

“This master might refer to himself as an old man,” Shen Qingqiu says wryly, “but I’m not so old as to forget what the hair crown I’d picked out this morning looks like, and that certainly isn’t it.”

Behind him, Luo Binghe shifts. “This disciple only thinks that this one looks especially good on Shizun.”

Of course it does - the hair crown that Luo Binghe had chosen was one of Shen Qingqiu’s finest and most delicate pieces, and significantly more fancy than the one that Shen Qingqiu had chosen earlier.  

“It isn’t so important to make a good impression today,” Shen Qingqiu sighs. “First impressions between myself and Tianlang-Jun have already passed, after all.”

In the polished silver surface of the mirror, Luo Binghe’s brows pull together in a frown. 

“Shizun hardly has to make an effort to make a good impression,” Luo Binghe says, and Shen Qingqiu nearly rolls his eyes. What is he, a child that needs to be reassured that he’s pretty? “Even so, this disciple will not take any chances. First impressions may have passed, but Tianlang-Jun did not seem to appreciate the impression that he received. If Tianlang-Jun has difficulty seeing what is in front of his eyes, it is this disciple’s job to help him see more clearly.”

“Binghe, really, there’s no need -”

“There is,” Luo Binghe interrupts. 

Shen Qingqiu turns away from his vanity so he can look at Luo Binghe. He’s glaring down at the hair crown in his hands, stubbornly refusing to meet Shen Qingqiu’s eyes.

Hm. It’s possible that Luo Binghe hadn’t been trying to distract only Shen Qingqiu by showing him that poem, just now. It seems that Luo Binghe himself might be quite nervous, too.

“...This master apologizes,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Assuming that you would be willing to chaperone these courtship meetings was too much. I should have spoken with you about it ahead of time.”

Well, not that Shen Qingqiu could really allow this courtship to happen without including Luo Binghe, considering the whole point is to reunite him with his father, but - still. He really should have discussed it with him before.

“No!” Luo Binghe cries, jerking his head up to look at Shen Qingqiu. “This disciple is honored!”

“Honor and anxiety can be felt at the same time,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Binghe has been asked to participate in a rather high-stakes mission.”

“This disciple has been a part of this from the start,” Luo Binghe protests, jutting out his chin. 

Shen Qingqiu hums, considering Luo Binghe. The line of his shoulders is tense; even as he protests Shen Qingqiu’s words, he’s still visibly wound up.

“Then, is there something else that is bothering my disciple to this degree?”

Luo Binghe glances away again, chewing on his lip. 

“...This disciple was too hasty when we first met Tianlang-Jun,” Luo Binghe says after a moment of Shen Qingqiu silently watching him. “My rudeness back then could have jeopardized Tianlang-Jun’s willingness to accept Shizun’s deal.”

Shen Qingqiu snorts. “He was rude to you first. This master has always taught his disciples to hold their own when they’re being insulted - you shouldn’t be nervous about being punished for your rudeness, if that’s what this is about.”

“Shizun also taught his disciples to know when to back off in order to win,” Luo Binghe says, sounding especially bitter. “I assumed that the victory was already secure, and I insulted Tianlang-Jun instead of working with Shizun to coax him.”

“It isn’t the responsibility of a disciple to try and woo his master’s suitors on his behalf,” Shen Qingqiu argues. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to work with me on such a thing to begin with.”

“Still,” Luo Binghe insists. “If I’d been more agreeable - if Tianlang-Jun hadn’t immediately gotten into an argument with a cultivator after clearly expressing his distrust in cultivators - then perhaps he would have been more receptive to Shizun.”

“Ah, Binghe…”

“And if Tianlang-Jun was more eager for this courtship, then -” Luo Binghe breaks off, struggling with his words for a moment before he deflates. “It’s only, this disciple hates to see Shizun more nervous about this than he has to be. Anyone would be honored to have Shizun’s attention, but this disciple put his foot in things, and now -”

Luo Binghe breaks off, gesturing lamely towards the hair crown that Shen Qingqiu had originally chosen - the one that Shen Qingqiu had dropped earlier, his hands too unsteady to put his own hair up correctly - as if it explains all the things that Luo Binghe is currently feeling guilty for.

Shen Qingqiu frowns. “Does Binghe take his master for a fool?”

“Of course not!”

“Then why do you think I’d ask you to chaperone, if you also think that you’re somehow the reason that Tianlang-Jun didn’t eagerly agree to the courtship?”

“That -”

“Naturally, it’s because it’s not your fault at all that Tianlang-Jun isn’t eager for this.” Shen Qingqiu interrupts. “Binghe could have greeted Tianlang-Jun like he was still a reigning emperor; it wouldn’t have meant the man would want to help me any more than he does now, and then you’d be standing here trying to dress me up nicely to impress him anyway.”

Wordlessly, Luo Binghe shakes his head, looking back down again. He fidgets with the delicate hair crown in his hands, rubbing an anxious finger along the glinting silver. 

Seeing Luo Binghe look so nervous… it really leaves a bad taste in Shen Qingqiu’s mouth.

“Luo Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu says sternly. “Tianlang-Jun had been reluctant to help Cang Qiong before you threw a few petty insults at him. Knowing that, how can you still justify thinking that Tianlang-Jun’s reluctance is your fault specifically?”

“Indeed, he was reluctant before, and he was threatening violence from the start,” Luo Binghe agrees. “But outside of Zhangman-Shibo, this disciple was the only one who Tianlang-Jun seemed to dislike personally. Knowing that, how can I not recognize that Tianlang-Jun’s reluctance is, in part, my fault?”

…Ah. Of course Luo Binghe would have realized that Tianlang-Jun hadn’t been stooping to insulting the mothers of the entire Cang Qiong delegation.

“Of the things that I said to him, something irritated Tianlang-Jun enough that he singled me out in a way that he had previously only bothered to do for the person who had beaten and imprisoned him in the past,” Luo Binghe says. “If I hadn’t given Tianlang-Jun cause to personally dislike another Cang Qiong cultivator, then we could have convinced him that Zhangman-Shibo was an outlier amongst our sect - we could have convinced Tianlang-Jun to help Shizun soon, rather than forcing Shizun to settle for a long courtship!”

Hm. Shen Qingqiu really doesn’t want to have to explain to this worrywart that he was the one who stipulated that the courtship be a long one, rather than Tianlang-Jun.

“Alright, that’s quite enough of all that,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Aren’t you jumping too far from one conclusion to another? Your Liu-Shishu drew his sword in that cavern; if Binghe hadn’t drawn attention to himself, perhaps Tianlang-Jun would have chosen to single your Liu-Shishu out instead.”

Of course, this is complete bullshit. Tianlang-Jun naturally wouldn’t have insulted anyone so personally unless he had as personal a connection to them as he did to Luo Binghe. 

Luo Binghe himself, however, doesn’t have to know about that personal connection, thank you very much!

“Perhaps,” Luo Binghe says, looking completely unconvinced.

Shen Qingqiu sighs. Alright, then: time to pull out the big guns.

Gently, Shen Qingqiu reaches out to pluck the hair crown from Luo Binghe’s hands, briefly turning to set it back on the vanity before once more facing Luo Binghe. Then, once he’s sure that Luo Binghe is no longer holding anything that could be dropped and broken if he was startled, Shen Qingqiu reaches out to pinch viciously at Luo Binghe’s cheeks.

“Shizun -!” Luo Binghe cries, although it comes out a bit distorted from the way Shen Qingqiu is stretching his cheeks.

“That’s right,” Shen Qingqiu says, “I’m your Shizun. In what world is it a disciple’s right to argue with their master like this, hm? If I say that Tianlang-Jun’s reluctance isn’t your fault, then it isn’t your fault, so stop worrying!”

Luo Binghe says nothing, but his expression twists with stubborn refusal. Shen Qingqiu pinches a bit harder, working out the silent grievances towards this disciple of his that he’s held in his heart all this time. Going behind Shen Qingqiu’s back to scheme with Yue Qingyuan, being more involved in the planning for Shen Qingqiu’s courtship with Tianlang-Jun than Shen Qingqiu himself was - this master will pull and squish your cheeks like taffy, you brat!!  

Only once he’s had his fill does he finally let go of Luo Binghe’s face, leaving Luo Binghe’s cheeks a bright red from having been bullied. Shen Qingqiu sniffs, feeling satisfied with this punishment. Luo Binghe should feel properly scolded, now!

Still, Shen Qingqiu is well aware that being punished has never actually banished a thought from Luo Binghe’s mind. If Luo Binghe is worrying about something, he’ll keep worrying about it, no matter how many times Shen Qingqiu bullies him for it. If Shen Qingqiu really wants Luo Binghe’s worries to be soothed about something… 

Well, Luo Binghe is probably only this worried because Shen Qingqiu made the mistake of showing that he was worried. If he explains that he isn’t actually all that concerned about all the things that Luo Binghe is assigning himself the blame for, then that should be good enough for now.

“Binghe doesn’t have to worry about whatever nerves he thinks he’s seeing from this master,” Shen Qingqiu says at length, “I’m not worried about convincing Tianlang-Jun to quickly cure me, or how reluctant or eager he is for the courtship process, or if he’ll like the way I look in a particular hair crown. If I’m nervous about anything, it’s only because I’m not an expert in these matters.”

Luo Binghe, who had clearly been gearing up to protest once more, stops and stares at Shen Qingqiu with wide eyes. 

“Shizun isn’t an expert in… courting someone?”

Shen Qingqiu cuffs Luo Binghe over the head. “Don’t say it so plainly! And anyway, what’s the matter if it’s true? When have I had the time to go looking for someone to practice on when I’ve been looking after you all this time, ah?!”

Luo Binghe’s expression goes through a rapid journey before landing on grim determination. 

“Shizun,” he says, “I’ll take responsibility -”

Shen Qingqiu levels Luo Binghe with a glare sour enough that it shuts him up instantly. His first date in this world will already be taken by this sticky disciple’s father, no need for the disciple himself to try and involve himself any further in Shen Qingqiu’s nonexistent love life! 

Letting out an irritated huff, Shen Qingqiu turns back to the vanity and gestures for Luo Binghe to resume his work in putting up Shen Qingqiu’s hair. Silently, Luo Binghe does so, although his cheeks remain flushed pink.

“...I won’t bother Shizun with my worries any longer,” Luo Binghe says after a moment, deftly working Shen Qingqiu’s hair into the crown. 

“It’ll bother me if you’re trying to worry in secret, too,” Shen Qingqiu grumbles. “Just don’t worry at all.”

“I won’t worry about it, then,” Luo Binghe lies. “Even still, this disciple swears that he will be more careful with the way he speaks to Tianlang-Jun from now on. Without outside interference, this disciple is positive that Tianlang-Jun will agree to help Shizun soon.”

Shen Qingqiu sighs. He’ll have to return to this topic in the future, no doubt. In the meantime, now that his hair is done, it’s time to face his own task of actually getting through this first courtship meeting.

Luckily, between Luo Binghe’s earlier distraction and then having to soothe Luo Binghe’s worries, Shen Qingqiu’s own nerves seem to have faded far into the background. By the time they’ve left the bamboo house and started out towards the designated meeting spot, Shen Qingqiu has all but forgotten his anxious worrying over demonic courtship rituals or the proper etiquette for fake-dating. 

Who cares if Shen Qingqiu doesn’t follow the rulebook exactly - it isn’t as if Tianlang-Jun will have had much dating practice while trapped under a mountain the last two decades, and it’s unlikely a demon lord like him has any practice with a relationship of the strictly fake variety. Any faux pas Shen Qingqiu commits can be waved away as a fake-dating practice that Tianlang-Jun is simply unaware of! Shen Qingqiu is going to nail this long con!

The meeting location this time is a private pavilion near the caves that Tianlang-Jun is being kept in. It had been built at the same time that the arrays inside the cave had been set up, and covered in nearly just as many protective measures. 

Unlike the cave, however, the pavilion has been decorated with a tasteful arrangement of flowers and gauzy curtains, charmed to remain clean and breezy no matter the weather. There’s already an assortment of sweets set out on a table, too, alongside a tea set and a box of tea leaves to brew throughout the afternoon. There’s only one other peak lord hanging around, seated on a bench outside the pavilion and carefully obscured by shrubbery, so Shen Qingqiu can even pretend that it really is just Luo Binghe that will be witnessing Shen Qingqiu’s awkward charade with Tianlang-Jun.

In short, it’s a far better date spot than a dismal prison cell in a cave!

Tianlang-Jun is already there, likely having been escorted to the pavilion and bound to his chair for some time now in order to ensure he’d already have been safely restricted by the time Shen Qingqiu arrived. When he sees them, his eyes catch on Luo Binghe for just a moment before he turns his attention to Shen Qingqiu to give him a charming smile.

It almost catches Shen Qingqiu off guard - someone has clearly taken the time to clean Tianlang-Jun up before tying him down for this date, and his fresh appearance paired with a few days’ worth of proper meals have shaped him up quite well. He still doesn’t compare to Luo Binghe, of course, since Luo Binghe’s fluffy hair is far cuter and Tianlang-Jun’s jawline isn’t quite as pretty, but -

Shen Qingqiu understands! Of course Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had kept mindlessly updating PIDW for so long! Clearly, he was trying to keep it going long enough that Luo Binghe would grow into his silver fox era, if this is the gene pool he was inheriting from!

“My suitor arrives,” Tianlang-Jun drawls as Shen Qingqiu sits at the table across from him. Luo Binghe backs off to stand at the edge of the pavilion, watching the two of them closely. “Has Master Shen brought me any gifts? Show me quickly, then.”

Of course, the second Tianlang-Jun opens his mouth, any objective attractiveness that Shen Qingqiu might have observed vanishes instantly. Even Shen Qingqiu’s most spoiled disciples know how to ask for gifts in a way that comes off as cute instead of irritating!

“Tianlang-Jun will have to forgive me,” Shen Qingqiu replies. “I thought it would be foolish to bring any gifts before getting to know you a bit better. With our cultural differences, who could say if a gift I find appropriate would instead be considered offensive to you?”

Tianlang-Jun sighs. “If only Master Shen’s silver tongue could create real precious metal and not just excuses; all pretty women like to be wooed with riches, after all.”

Shen Qingqiu raises an eyebrow, wordlessly looking over Tianlang-Jun’s distinctly masculine frame. Tianlang-Jun’s snaggletooth grin grows wider. 

“...I see,” Shen Qingqiu says. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind, should I ever encounter a situation in which I am courting a pretty woman.”

“Master Shen wounds me,” Tianlang-Jun says, shaking his head in a mockery of solemn disappointment. “I suppose it can’t be helped if you simply have poor taste.”

“Hm,” Shen Qingqiu says, trying and failing to imagine a world in which Tianlang-Jun could be considered ‘in good taste.’ Such a world would only exist if the man never spoke a word! 

…Well, if Shen Qingqiu is lucky, then perhaps Luo Binghe’s cheeky charm will rub off on his father - that wouldn’t be so bad, either.

“If it’s important to Tianlang-Jun, then this master will endeavor to find a suitable present for next time,” Shen Qingqiu allows.

Then, feeling as if the issue has been resolved completely, Shen Qingqiu looks to Tianlang-Jun expectantly. Tianlang-Jun looks back. 

Shen Qingqiu clears his throat a bit awkwardly. Tianlang-Jun continues to look on without much interest, and with no intention of starting a new conversation topic.

…Is this not the protagonist’s father? Does romantic domination not run in his blood?? 

Is Shen Qingqiu really going to be forced to drive this date forward himself?! 

He’d only mentally prepared himself for the idea of fake-dating a man, not the idea of taking the initiative!! Fuck!!

Right, okay, Shen Qingqiu can do this. He has to do this, or else Luo Binghe will surely pester him later with all sorts of concerns about how poorly Shen Qingqiu is fighting to receive the cure to Without-a-Cure!

Shen Qingqiu will just - ah, that’s right, he can think about it like practice for a real date in the future! Not that he’d ever get to have one, given the whole ‘all women in the world should be considered as reserved for the stallion protagonist’ thing, of course, but - at least it would be something to focus on! A fake gay date is awkward, but a practice date between bros isn’t so bad!

“...How is Tianlang-Jun doing?” Shen Qingqiu asks. That’s a fine conversation point, right?

“Surely worse than Master Shen,” Tianlang-Jun replies cheerily, wiggling his hands where they’re bound behind his back. 

Shen Qingqiu does his best not to grimace. Right, right, of course a prisoner isn’t doing well, ah!

“With Tianlang-Jun’s cooperation, things will improve for him shortly,” Shen Qingqiu says. “I believe our next discussion on the subject of your… circumstances will be in a week.”

Tianlang-Jun hums, but doesn’t say anything else on the subject. 

…Ah, Shen Qingqiu almost wishes he was still as nervous as he’d been earlier! At least when he’s nervous, Shen Qingqiu has a habit of talking just to fill the silence. Without the nerves, the awkwardness is just stifling!

“Tianlang-Jun could tell this master what he does each day?” Shen Qingqiu tries.

“Rot,” Tianlang-Jun says pleasantly, “and heal the rot.”

Shen Qingqiu coughs. “Naturally, I meant before your imprisonment.” 

“Ah, but Master Shen didn’t specify, so I could only presume he meant to ask after my recent habits and not those from nearly two decades ago.”

“I’ve specified now.”

“Then: should I answer with the sort of pastimes I used to hold that are palatable to a righteous cultivator, or will any answer do?”

Any answer, any answer! Shen Qingqiu cries in his heart. Please, just let the conversation move forward!

“Whichever Tianlang-Jun finds most representative,” Shen Qingqiu says stiffly. “The point is to get to know each other, after all.”

“Oh?” Tianlang-Jun says. “Then, I’ll ask Master Shen some questions too.”

“After you answer the question already posed to you, of course,” Shen Qingqiu corrects. 

Tianlang-Jun shrugs the best he can, considering his hands are bound behind his back. “I used to read quite a bit,” He says.

“I enjoy reading as well,” Shen Qingqiu says, feeling a rush of relief wash over him. Reading! Books! A point of common interest to save this miserably awkward conversation! “What sorts of books did you prefer? I’ve recently been quite fond of -”

“Recently?” Tianlang-Jun interrupts. “As in, an author that has been published within the last two decades?”

…Shen Qingqiu clears his throat and tries again. “Then, what was most popular during Tianlang-Jun’s time?”

“My, is Master Shen’s memory so poor as to not even remember the books he read 20 years ago? Or is Master Shen in fact much younger than he appears, and really doesn’t know what was popular only 20 years ago?” Tianlang-Jun gasps with over exaggerated glee. “Master Shen, don’t tell me that you actually like men so much older than you?”

“Tianlang-Jun!” Luo Binghe snaps, stepping forward from his place at the side of the pavilion. “That’s -!”

The vague disinterest that Tianlang-Jun had leveled at Shen Qingqiu vanishes, his attention suddenly turning towards Luo Binghe’s position on the edge of the pavilion with an intensity that makes Shen Qingqiu shiver. 

If Shen Qingqiu had thought that Tianlang-Jun might have forgotten about Luo Binghe - forgotten about the fact that Shen Qingqiu was practically trying to shove his long-lost son at him during this courtship - he’d clearly been mistaken.

“Is it bad of me to say that, little Binghe?” Tianlang-Jun asks sweetly. “Does it go against your cultivator’s sensibilities, for me to ask after your esteemed master’s tastes in such a way?”

Luo Binghe’s expression goes sour. For a moment, Shen Qingqiu thinks he’ll have to break the two of them up from another cat fight, the way he had to back in the cave when they’d all first met.

Then, Luo Binghe takes a carefully steady breath and smooths out his expression. It’s fascinating to watch happen, mostly because Shen Qingqiu is suddenly very aware of how many times Luo Binghe has worn this exact same expression when Shen Qingqiu has taken him along to Peak Lord’s meetings. 

Binghe ah, have you been trying to copy this master’s poker face for politics this whole time? How cute, too cute!!

“Tianlang-Jun,” Luo Binghe says carefully, “as the chaperone of this meeting, I must request that you refrain from anything resembling insults.”

…Ah. That was… less cute, and remarkably restrained, for Luo Binghe. No matter how much Shen Qingqiu has scolded him, that spoiled brat has never bothered to correct his attitude towards people he’s found irritating in the past, and yet just now Luo Binghe had been very careful in how he worded his reprimand towards Tianlang-Jun.

Shen Qingqiu winces inwardly. Clearly, Luo Binghe had been quite serious this morning when he said that he would be careful speaking to Tianlang-Jun in the future.

Shen Qingqiu really doesn’t want to have Luo Binghe worrying about how what he says or does might affect Shen Qingqiu’s false courtship, but at the same time, Shen Qingqiu does want Luo Binghe and Tianlang-Jun to get along. Perhaps, just for a bit, it wouldn’t be bad for Luo Binghe to maintain his wariness of what insulting Tianlang-Jun might result in, if it means that they can be civil towards one another?

Of course, even if Luo Binghe is concerned about what might happen if he insults Tianlang-Jun too much, Tianlang-Jun holds no reservations in the opposite direction.

“How boring, to ban such a basic thing like insults,” Tianlang-Jun says, his attention on Luo Binghe sharp even through lazy, half-lidded eyes. “My understanding from interactions with your mother’s generation was that insults could be quite stimulating to a relationship of the sexual sort, even for humans.”

Luo Binghe visibly struggles with this for a few moments, his cheeks pinking. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t think he’s ever seen Luo Binghe struggle with a decision or his words this much since - ever, really.

Finally, after a mournful look in Shen Qingqiu’s direction, Luo Binghe says stiffly: “If furthering his relationship with Shizun was Tianlang-Jun’s intent, then this disciple thanks Tianlang-Jun for expressing such interest in Shizun.”

…Shen Qingqiu could nearly cry. Luo Binghe, ah, even if you’re worried about offending Tianlang-Jun, shouldn’t you also be worried about offending your Shizun?! 

This is too far of an over-correction!!

“You’re very welcome,” Tianlang-Jun sniffs, the intensity of his gaze waning as he looks back to Shen Qingqiu. “In any case, to give Master Shen’s question a more boring answer: naturally, the literature that was popular a couple decades ago is still what is popular now.”

Oh thank fuck, we haven’t given up on the original, date-appropriate conversation!!

“Poetry and bestiaries?” Shen Qingqiu offers hopefully.

“Yellow books,” Tianlang-Jun corrects gleefully. 

Nevermind, nevermind, give the conversation up immediately, please!!

“Say, wouldn’t that make for a good courtship gift, Master Shen?” Tianlang-Jun continues. “It suits my interests just fine, and the contents of such a thing would really be quite relevant to Master Shen’s own goals! Although, I must confess, common yellow books are often quite tame, so hopefully Master Shen has some eccentric ones for us to study together -”

Until this moment, Shen Qingqiu had been ignoring the snacks and tea leaves laid out on the table in front of him in deference to the way that Tianlang-Jun could not partake in them, what with his tied-up state.

Now, Shen Qingqiu takes this moment to quite aggressively go about the process of preparing the pot of tea, and inwardly wishes that he could prepare something much stronger instead.

“Next time,” Shen Qingqiu says, his smile especially sharp, “I’ll bring Tianlang-Jun some of the books that have been confiscated from some of my disciples, if it would please him. For now, perhaps we could instead -”

“Now, now, where’s the fun in that? Surely it would be better for Master Shen to bring me one that he’s read and enjoyed personally? The recommendations of children can hardly be taken at their word, after all!”

Shen Qingqiu feels his eye twitch. 

“If Tianlang-Jun will only read what I’ve read myself, then he can read nothing at all,” he grits out. 

“Oh, boo,” Tianlang-Jun says. “I suppose this means we aren’t compatible after all, Master Shen, for you to have no such interest. Truly, what a pity.”

Luo Binghe, whose expression had grown quite complicated at having to hear his old teacher speak even briefly about yellow books, steps forward once more.

“Tianlang-Jun, this disciple begs you to not be so hasty,” he says. 

“Luo Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu says warningly, suddenly wary now that he knows that there exists a world in which Luo Binghe doesn’t doggedly defend Shen Qingqiu’s pride, if it means he can please Tianlang-Jun instead. 

Shen Qingqiu wants Luo Binghe to get along with Tianlang-Jun, but he still wants to save his own face, too!

Luo Binghe carefully avoids his eyes, looking earnestly only at Tianlang-Jun.

“Compatibility exists,” Luo Binghe insists. “That is, Shizun is the one who confiscated those books -”

“Luo Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu says again.

“- and as the lord of the scholarly peak, Shizun must be informed of the literature his students are consuming -”

“So naturally, he reads all the yellow books that appear on his peak?” Tianlang-Jun concludes, looking quite pleased. “My, Master Shen, you should have said!”

Shen Qingqiu pours himself a cup of tea. Then, spitefully, he pours Tianlang-Jun a cup too, sliding it across the table to be just out of reach of the man if he were to try and lean down to drink from it on the table. 

Tianlang-Jun laughs. “Ah, Master Shen, you can actually be quite mean! Little Binghe was right, I really shouldn’t be so hasty to dismiss our compatibility.”

‘Little Binghe’ is going to regret his decision to focus on wingmanning instead of on properly defending his Shizun, Shen Qingqiu thinks quite bitterly. I’ll teach that boy - better for him to just keep being rude to Tianlang-Jun in the future, ah!

“Forget it,” Shen Qingqiu says, setting down his teacup with a harsh clink. “Tianlang-Jun wanted to ask some questions of his own?”

Anything to get this date back on solid conversational ground!!

“Oh, yes, where to even start!” Tianlang-Jun says. “If Master Shen were to rank the weaknesses of the righteous sects, how would he do it?”

“...This master must ask Tianlang-Jun to take this seriously.” 

Surely, Tianlang-Jun knows that Shen Qingqiu can’t answer a question like that, even if Shen Qingqiu has expressed a desire to free Tianlang-Jun eventually.

“Aren’t I taking this more seriously than Master Shen, who is only using this opportunity to ask about yellow books?”

“I did not ask about the -” Shen Qingqiu cuts himself off, sucking on his teeth irritably. Technically, he supposed, he had asked about the stupid xianxia porn books. “Please ask a different question.”

“We can revisit it,” Tianlang-Jun shrugs. “For now, perhaps Master Shen could tell me how the arrays keeping my demonic energy sealed are constructed?”

“Even if our goals are aligned in one day removing those seals from your person,” Shen Qingqiu says stiffly, “Tianlang-Jun must know that this is another question that I cannot answer.”

“If the questions can’t be for anything useful, and Master Shen won’t speak about anything fun, then what exactly is the point of this exercise?” Tianlang-Jun drawls. 

“Isn’t it just to get to know each other?” Shen Qingqiu asks, frustrated. “Isn’t that the point of -”

He breaks off, gesturing vaguely to the table, the snacks, the flower-covered pavilion. Even with all the protective arrays, and the peak lord hiding around the corner, and Luo Binghe watching the whole process with a critical eye - isn’t this clearly a date?!

Yes, yes, it’s a fake date, but ‘fake dating’ still includes ‘dating!’ Even if there won’t be any papapa-payoff in the end, they still have to spend all this time together pretending to be working on it! Shen Qingqiu had worked himself into a right mess this morning, worrying about how to do that very thing!

Tianlang-Jun hums, tilting his head back and watching Shen Qingqiu from beneath his lashes. Spitefully, Shen Qingqiu spares a moment to think that Luo Binghe’s eyelashes are much thicker and prettier than those on this damned father of his.

“I forgot that Master Shen is so wrapped up in all his little rituals,” Tianlang-Jun sighs. “I suppose you think that knowing what the other person likes to put in their tea is somehow indicative of a good relationship?”

Shen Qingqiu feels his cheeks warm a bit, but stubbornly doesn’t back down. 

“Isn’t it?” Shen Qingqiu asks. “To know each other so well that domestically taking care of each other is such a casual thing; isn’t that the most sought after prize any intimate relationship can offer?”

“I think our goals for an intimate relationship are really quite different, Master Shen,” Tianlang-Jun says, amused. “But even if we were to agree that getting to know each other is a good start, isn’t it more useful to know how to get under someone’s skin than it is to know how to please them? Especially in the very beginning stages of such a courtship!”

“I’m afraid I don’t agree,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Obviously, pleasing someone is more likely to leave a favorable impression.”

“If you leave an impression at all,” Tianlang-Jun corrects. “Master Shen, tell me, which new face are you more likely to remember as you fall asleep: the doddering fool who complimented you that day, or the roguish bastard who riled you up until you couldn’t stand it?”

“Naturally, I won’t be thinking of either,” Shen Qingqiu snaps. “Tianlang-Jun should consider adjusting his own habits; perhaps if he fell asleep without trying to rank each new person he met that day, he would turn out to be less frivolous with his attention.”

Luo Binghe takes half a step forward, and Shen Qingqiu shoots him a withering glare to preemptively shut him up. It’s one thing for Luo Binghe to police his own words when it comes to Tianlang-Jun; if Luo Binghe starts trying to stop Shen Qingqiu from scolding and insulting the man every time he does something unbearable, Shen Qingqiu really might lose it.

“What a shame for both the doddering fool and the roguish bastard!” Tianlang-Jun cries. “Master Shen must be used to breaking hearts!”

“No such thing,” Shen Qingqiu scowls. “It’s only that it doesn’t make sense to spend your restful moments thinking of someone who you know so little of that you only have a first impression.”

“And so Master Shen turns to his questions about yellow books and tea, so that he may know someone well enough to think of them before bed each night,” Tianlang-Jun concludes, his eyes bright with mirth.

“If thinking about it in such a way pleases Tianlang-Jun,” Shen Qingqiu grits out.

“Well,” Tianlang-Jun says, “if we’re going to be following Master Shen’s pace of moving about as quickly as bureaucracy, I suppose there will be enough of these little meetings that we can take a turn doing things my way sooner or later.”

Shen Qingqiu silently takes a sip of tea, mostly so that his mouth is occupied and he doesn’t accidentally say something like, ‘oh my, bureaucracy is a big word for an emperor that I’m beginning to think was likely incapable of sitting through a single proper court session during his rule!’

After he’s composed himself, Shen Qingqiu says: “Then, would Tianlang-Jun like to try asking a question that this master can answer?”

Tianlang-Jun hums. “I assume that asking which positions Master Shen favors in bed is too much for your delicate sensibilities?”

Shen Qingqiu, once more, must take a moment to compose himself.

“Tianlang-Jun assumes correctly.”

Like hell!! What ‘delicate sensibilities,’ isn’t this just a normal boundary, ah?! Shen Qingqiu weeps in his heart.

“As Master Shen pleases, then,” Tianlang-Jun sighs, slumping back in his seat like a child being made to sit through something terribly boring. “What color does Master Shen prefer?”

“Green,” Shen Qingqiu answers obligingly, as if he isn’t dressed head to toe in the color. Sure, it might have been the original good’s wardrobe originally, but hell if Shen Qingqiu hasn’t settled quite nicely into it!

“Fascinating,” Tianlang-Jun says dryly. “I can feel our sexual compatibility skyrocketing as I speak.”

“...And Tianlang-Jun?”

“Black is easiest to keep clean,” Tianlang-Jun shrugs. 

“Tianlang-Jun didn't have servants to handle his laundry?” Shen Qingqiu asks, curious. 

“Certainly not on the battlefield,” Tianlang-Jun says. “Considering how many of you cultivators seem to favor light colors, though, I suppose I must ask if that's a practice that you lot keep - would you take a servant to war with you, Master Shen, in order to keep your robes tidy between battles?”

“Most of our robes have talismans that help with cleaning stitched into them,” Shen Qingqiu says, shaking his head.

“Hm,” Tianlang-Jun says. He looks vaguely dissatisfied.

Shen Qingqiu looks at him a moment longer. Tianlang-Jun doesn’t say anything else. 

…Right, right, Shen Qingqiu’s turn! Yes!

Shen Qingqiu clears his throat. “It’s known that Tianlang-Jun was frequently sighted in the human realms in the past; did you travel for a specific purpose?”

“Master Shen could consider me a tourist,” Tianlang-Jun says. “If Master Shen is looking for more ideas for courting gifts, I’d accept being taken to a playhouse.”

“Perhaps in the future,” Shen Qingqiu says, instead of bothering to explain once more that Tianlang-Jun is, at least for now, well and truly bound to Cang Qiong with no hope of being casually taken down the mountain to see a play.

“Perhaps in the future, Master Shen will have become more interesting,” Tianlang-Jun replies cheerfully.

Shen Qingqiu smiles tightly. “Perhaps in the future, Tianlang-Jun will have become less so.”

Tianlang-Jun sighs with no small amount of dramatic flair.

“Master Shen,” he says, “isn’t it better to be interesting?”

Isn’t it better to understand when someone is using the word ‘interesting’ as a more polite way of calling you a rude, no-good, presumptuous little bitch? Shen Qingqiu thinks viciously.

Outwardly, Shen Qingqiu just continues to smile.

“Of course,” he says. “I was only bringing up a possibility to Tianlang-Jun, since he brought one up himself.”

“Of course,” Tianlang-Jun agrees pleasantly. 

There’s another beat of awkward silence. Tianlang-Jun seems to have no desire to take his turn asking Shen Qingqiu a question.

“...I don’t dislike the playhouse myself,” Shen Qingqiu offers stiffly. “Although it can be frustrating to see poorly-acted scenes, especially of things that I myself am knowledgeable in.”

“Like killing the mood?”

“Like sword fighting, or spiritual arts,” Shen Qingqiu corrects, irritated.

“Ohh,” Tianlang-Jun intones. “Sword fighting, I see.”

Shen Qingqiu takes a deep, controlled breath, and makes the conscious decision not to respond. This is fine. Tianlang-Jun will surely keep blabbering on, and something he’ll say will surely be reasonable, and they can surely have a perfectly fine conversation from there.

…Tianlang-Jun does not say anything further. In fact, Tianlang-Jun has quite clearly grown bored, starting to wiggle around in his bonds to see if he can reach the tea that Shen Qingqiu had set just outside his reach.

Shen Qingqiu watches this display of futility with a sense of great vindication for a long moment, and then all at once decides that he’s hit his limit for the day.

Tianlang-Jun looks up as Shen Qingqiu stands from the table. “Going so soon, Master Shen? Has this lord given you some things to reflect on in regards to your own boring life and how it might be improved with a bit of fun?”

“Indeed, this master has decided his life might be well improved with a simple solution,” Shen Qingqiu says. 

“Oh?”

“Leaving.”

Startled, Tianlang-Jun lets out an ugly guffaw of laughter. Shen Qingqiu scowls, irritated; even this man’s laughter is too bold!

“Master Shen, you really can be fun when you try, you just have to try more often!”

“Tianlang-Jun’s sensibilities have degraded, perhaps due to exhaustion; this master is concerned that so much activity while you’re still healing from Huan Hua’s treatment is too tiring after all,” Shen Qingqiu says, flatly ignoring Tianlang-Jun. “This master will see Tianlang-Jun again in the near future, I’m sure. Goodbye.”

With that, Shen Qingqiu turns and starts stalking away from the pavilion, tuning out Tianlang-Jun’s ugly laugher as he goes. Luo Binghe spares a moment to look back at Tianlang-Jun - still laughing, clearly not too displeased by Shen Qingqiu’s abrupt exit - and then hurries after Shen Qingqiu. 

Shen Qingqiu is halfway back to Qing Jing before he remembers that he was supposed to check in with whichever peak lord had been hanging around the pavilion. He slows his pace, considering whether it’s worth it to go back - and then also remembers that he’s a peak lord in his own right and, frankly, fuck all his martial siblings who keep sticking their noses in this stupid false courtship with Tianlang-Jun!!

Shen Qingqiu speeds right back up and doesn’t stop until he makes it back to Qing Jing. 

It’s just - it’s humiliating, truthfully. Shen Qingqiu didn’t want to put it in such blunt words when he was trying to get through that awful date, but there’s a reason that he’d been a single dog even in his past life as Shen Yuan. 

He really, truly, doesn’t know how to get through a date without it turning out poorly. 

He doesn’t have the face to just go along with Tianlang-Jun’s whims about what might make a date fun - not to mention that all of Tianlang-Jun’s ideas can only be considered jokes once the fact that this whole courtship is a ruse is accounted for. But even when Shen Qingqiu had gone on real dates before, and even when his date had been a decent girl who really had been trying to be nice, it always turned out like this.

It isn’t even just the awkwardness of it; Shen Qingqiu knows that struggling to keep a conversation going during a date isn’t the failing of just one party. Of course Tianlang-Jun and Shen Qingqiu aren’t compatible - forgetting the fact that they’re both men, they’ve also both already expressed their complete lack of desire to try any sort of real courtship with the other. Strained conversations and clumsy stretches of silence are to be expected in that situation.

What really bothers Shen Qingqiu…

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe calls, startling Shen Qingqiu out of his thoughts. “This disciple made tea, if Shizun would like to sit and relax.”

Shen Qingqiu moves to run a hand over his face, remembers that his impressionable little disciple is still watching him, and turns the motion into a useless smoothing of his own robes instead. 

Right. It isn’t very peerless-immortal-like to be standing motionless near the entryway of the house after a disastrous date.

“Thank you, Binghe,” he sighs, finally stepping further into the bamboo house and joining Luo Binghe at the table. “I didn’t finish my tea earlier, I suppose… Binghe always notices these things, hm?”

“If it’s about Shizun, this disciple wouldn’t dare miss it,” Luo Binghe replies, dutifully pouring tea for them both. 

Shen Qingqiu accepts his cup and sips from it gratefully. He wouldn’t have complained about it, but the tea that had been waiting for him at that pavilion had clearly been chosen by Yue Qingyuan: it was the same sort of light floral tea that Shen Qingqiu had found in the bamboo house when he’d first transmigrated, meaning it was the type that the original goods had favored. Shen Qingqiu himself prefers a much stronger tea, usually, even if he does sweeten it to hell and back. The average strength of flavors in the modern world ruined him for delicate things like floral tea, he supposes. 

They sit in comfortable silence for a long stretch, both of them drinking their tea slowly. Shen Qingqiu can feel the tension of the day relaxing from his shoulders, exhaustion creeping in to take its place. Luo Binghe seems content to let Shen Qingqiu decompress in this way, and Shen Qingqiu is further put to ease watching him.

Or at least, it helps put him to ease right up until the moment where Shen Qingqiu rather abruptly remembers Luo Binghe’s behavior around Tianlang-Jun, and then very quickly becomes wound up all over again. 

Shen Qingqiu may have wanted to see Luo Binghe get along with Tianlang-Jun, but - honestly, trying to wingman for Tianlang-Jun is just not a form of father-son bonding that Shen Qingqiu can accept!

“Would Binghe prefer to be sent on one of his Mu-Shishu’s tedious fetch quests to gather medicinal herbs, or volunteer to be his Liu-Shishu’s obedient training dummy for a day?” Shen Qingqiu asks pleasantly.

Luo Binghe blinks at him.

“As your punishment for trying to sell your master off to Tianlang-Jun earlier,” Shen Qingqiu clarifies, and Luo Binghe’s expression grows a bit panicked.

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe whines. “It isn’t necessary, this disciple was punished enough just by acting the way he did!”

“Oh, was it so hard trying to sell off old goods that it felt like a punishment?” 

“If anyone would dare to say something was wrong with the goods themselves, the only complaint they’d find is that it’s difficult to sell something so precious!” Luo Binghe cries, clearly quite alarmed. “It’s the customer who was terrible, Shizun!”

Shen Qingqiu scoffs. “Binghe seemed to be getting along just fine with Tianlang-Jun from my perspective.”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe says gravely, “with every respectful word this disciple said to him, this disciple had to bite his tongue against saying something far worse.”

“Hm,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Binghe’s tongue doesn’t seem to be bitten too bloody if he can enjoy tea so calmly now.”

Luo Binghe sets his teacup down to regard Shen Qingqiu seriously.

“Would Shizun give this disciple leave to speak freely?”

“You’ll say whatever you want anyway,” Shen Qingqiu says dryly.

“Only because Shizun should hear from someone that Tianlang-Jun is a boorish, ill-mannered wretch whose brains have surely curdled from the contents of his favorite rotten books, and this disciple’s earlier decision to speak nicely to such a man truly turned out to be a trial that I could hardly bear.”

“Binghe!” Shen Qingqiu scolds, barely holding back his surprised laughter. “Is that the language my Qing Jing’s disciples use, ah?!”

“It’s the language Shizun has taught me,” Luo Binghe says primly. 

“And I didn’t manage to teach you not to blame me for learning such a thing?” Shen Qingqiu asks, nearly incredulous.

Luo Binghe smiles sweetly at him and says nothing.

“Well,” Shen Qingqiu says, “does this at least mean you’ve given up on your foolish goal of trying to please Tianlang-Jun on this master’s behalf?”

“...This disciple will accept the fetch quest,” Luo Binghe allows graciously, as if accepting a noble burden instead of punishment.

“You haven’t given up at all, then.”

Luo Binghe shakes his head. “Rather than giving up on my goals, I only resolved to reach a new one on top of them.”

Shen Qingqiu raises an eyebrow, but Luo Binghe hesitates and glances away instead of expanding immediately, clearly thinking through what he wants to say. 

On the one hand, Shen Qingqiu can take a moment to idly wish that Tianlang-Jun would put half as much thought into what he says as his own son does.

On the other, Shen Qingqiu is well aware that Luo Binghe’s most mischievous plans are the only ones he hesitates to explain.

At length, Luo Binghe looks up to meet Shen Qingqiu’s eyes, his shoulders squared.

“Shizun’s favorite color - which shade of green is it?”

Shen Qingqiu blinks, taken off guard by the seeming non-sequitur. 

“...The one on the second layer of my favorite traveling robes,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Why?”

“The bright one that matches the color of new bamboo,” Luo Binghe confirms, nodding once to himself. “Shizun likes bright colors like that best, but he hardly wears them himself.”

“Colors that flashy don’t suit this master,” Shen Qingqiu dismisses. 

“Then: it is interesting that Shizun’s favorite color is green, even though it’s all he wears,” Luo Binghe says, and Shen Qingqiu is nearly startled by the intensity in his expression. “It means that Shizun is the sort of person who chooses his outfits based on how he thinks they make him look, rather than choosing outfits that he likes the look of on their own.”

“...Binghe, if this is your idea of trying to comfort this master for how poorly that courtship meeting went, then you had best stop that right now. It isn’t any of your business if Tianlang-Jun didn’t find my topics of conversation to be especially riveting.”

“It was interesting, though,” Luo Binghe insists. “Shizun thought so too, because he was genuinely interested in what that small question about favorite colors revealed about the differences between how humans and demons handle laundry on the battlefield.”

“Well, yes, but -”

“And comparing which books are popular now compared to a couple decades ago would reveal information about the culture that existed then versus now, which is interesting too!”

“Binghe, honestly,” Shen Qingqiu scolds, but he can’t quite suppress a smile. “If you ever fall for an awkward sort of girl, you’ll have no problems making her feel comfortable, with all these reassurances.”

“This disciple is being completely earnest,” Luo Binghe says. “This is what I resolved to, when I was biting my tongue and daring to try and remind Tianlang-Jun of what a good thing was in front of him.”

“That laundry is a good talking point during a courtship?”

“That Tianlang-Jun is miserable at courtships!” Luo Binghe corrects emphatically. “And no matter how necessary he is - no matter how important it is that we all bite our tongues and try to please him - Shizun deserves to be treated better than this.”

“Tianlang-Jun is our prisoner,” Shen Qingqiu points out. “Expecting him to try and treat this master well is asking too much of him, even if he’s been promised better treatment. Asking him to fulfill a treatment plan like the one that Cang Qiong has already burdened him with is already too much.”

“That’s fine,” Luo Binghe says shortly. “This disciple already knows that much. It’s why this disciple will still shove his discontentment down when around that man so that the courtship can continue without conflict, no matter how unpleasant it is. That isn’t changing.”

“Then?”

“No matter how much Shizun must care about getting this courtship right, it still shouldn’t be this courtship that Shizun thinks about when he thinks about courtship overall.”

Shen Qingqiu frowns, tapping a finger against the rim of his teacup.

“Binghe has long since mastered all the material on Qing Jing about mental warfare and manipulation, so you should know better than to think so optimistically,” he says. “I know you’re quite familiar with the idea that the most recent experience is what a person will think of when they consider the idea broadly. Recency bias exists even when the most recent thing is unpleasant; in fact, it exists especially then.”

“This disciple knows,” Luo Binghe says, his brows drawn together. “So, Shizun -”

Luo Binghe surges forward, leaning over the table to grasp Shen Qingqiu’s hands. Shen Qingqiu startles, leaning back slightly, but Luo Binghe only presses closer, his eyes alight with determination.

“- for every way that Tianlang-Jun fails to court Shizun properly, this disciple dares to try and overwrite his memory with a more pleasant one!”

Shen Qingqiu tries not to gape. 

“Then, the tea that Luo Binghe made this time…” Shen Qingqiu trails off in disbelief. 

Luo Binghe nods, serious. “Silences don’t have to be awkward, and Shizun’s conversation topics are perfect, and -”

“Enough, enough,” Shen Qingqiu interrupts, absolutely mortified. 

This is… truly the worst possible version of Luo Binghe pitying him for not being especially dateable, ah! He’d have preferred to listen to Luo Binghe just think of new insults for Tianlang-Jun for the entire conversation!! 

Shen Qingqiu’s fingers twitch for his fan; Luo Binghe doesn’t let go, so it only serves to draw Shen Qingqiu’s attention to the way Luo Binghe’s hands are still wrapped tightly around his, warm and solid.

…This is really, truly the worst!! It’s a hundred times worse than a kid telling their mother that she looks pretty even when her haircut turns out poorly!! 

Luo Binghe, you stop pitying your master right this instant, ah!!

Still, despite the mortification Shen Qingqiu feels, hearing this from Luo Binghe is… not actually as bad as it probably should be. 

It isn’t great that Luo Binghe wants to have little play dates to ‘overwrite Shen Qingqiu’s memories with more pleasant ones,’ or whatever bullshit Luo Binghe had just said, but…

Shen Qingqiu had been feeling a bit miserable about how that sham of a date had gone. Every time he’s tried to date someone, it’s been like this: Shen Qingqiu - or Shen Yuan, as it had been - seriously considered the problem of what makes up a person, and he landed on the answer being made of lots of little things that could be answered in questions about your worst school subject or favorite color or preferred drink. 

His dates, universally, have found these sorts of questions to be overly trivial.

Tianlang-Jun is certainly more shameless than any girl Shen Qingqiu has tried to take out, but it was common for Shen Qingqiu’s dates to want to establish some sort of… long term understanding, right on the first date. Are children in the picture? How many? How would a partner fit in with existing career goals? 

And Shen Qingqiu got it, really! No one wants to waste three months fucking around with some guy only to find out later that they aren’t compatible long term, and making first dates so intense is a very quick way to figure out if that will be an issue.

But when Shen Qingqiu spent his half of the conversation asking after things of seemingly much less importance, it was always concluded quite quickly that he simply wasn’t taking it seriously, and therefore shouldn’t be considered a match. 

To have Luo Binghe reassure him so seriously now that Shen Qingqiu’s methods aren’t wrong…

Ah, Shen Qingqiu understands now. His methods weren’t wrong; they were just the ones that made sense to a child instead of an adult looking for something more serious. 

…He takes it back, this really is the worst, no upsides at all! He thinks he might cough up blood from how bad of a mental wound he’s just suffered!

Shen Qingqiu smiles, pulling one hand away from Luo Binghe’s to pat the boy’s head instead.

“You’re a good kid, Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu says. “If you approach the girl you like with this sort of desire to ensure she feels cared for, she’s sure to appreciate it. But when you’re trying to comfort your teacher, sticking to just insulting Tianlang-Jun is fine.”

Luo Binghe’s expression twists, frustrated, and he pulls back away to his side of the table. 

“Shizun never wants to hear that there’s no girl that this disciple wants that way,” he says mulishly. 

Shen Qingqiu laughs lightly. “Good, good - you're still young yet. Binghe should certainly give it a lot of time and thought before deciding he wants someone like this.”

As much time and thought as possible, Shen Qingqiu thinks inwardly, so you come out the other side with less vapid wives than this story dictates for you, ah!

“This disciple is approaching 18,” Luo Binghe argues, but his frown looks too much like a pout for Shen Qingqiu to take it very seriously.

“My disciple is growing up quite quickly,” Shen Qingqiu agrees indulgently. “When your birthday comes this year, we’ll celebrate it together, hm?”

After all, if Shen Qingqiu can see Luo Binghe on his birthday this year, it means that he’s managed to delay the Endless Abyss arc for that long. That would surely be worth celebrating.

It would be worth suffering a bit of awkwardness for, too, Shen Qingqiu reminds himself. 

And - fine, alright, so Shen Qingqiu wasn’t a big hit in the dating scene in his past life, and that certainly hasn’t changed in this one - but so what, ah?! When was Shen Qingqiu ever doing this for his own self confidence? This has always been for Luo Binghe, so what is Shen Qingqiu doing, acting in such a way that makes Luo Binghe worry over him like this?

Resolved, Shen Qingqiu smiles warmly at Luo Binghe. 

“Think about what you want for your birthday,” he says. “And don’t worry so much about Tianlang-Jun; I’m sure it will work out in the end.”

Luo Binghe frowns, but in the end he nods instead of arguing over the matter.

“Then this disciple will look forward to celebrating with Shizun later,” he says. “And will worry about Tianlang-Jun only the appropriate amount.”

Shen Qingqiu snorts, and turns back to his tea.

Luo Binghe… ah, he really is a good kid.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu finds Shang Qinghua sneaking into his bamboo house late in the evening, if ‘sneaking’ could so generously describe the way the man falls through one of the open windows with a muffled yelp.

“And what,” Shen Qingqiu drawls, standing over where Shang Qinghua’s body has sprawled so inelegantly across his floor, “are you doing?”

“Ah… haha…” Shang Qinghua says. 

Shen Qingqiu tries not to outwardly show too much disgust; the man is very visibly sweating all over Shen Qingqiu’s nice rug.

“If you’ve only come to make a fool of yourself,” Shen Qingqiu says sharply, “then feel free to leave - you’ve already accomplished that much.”

“I’m just - uh, y’know, with Tianlang-Jun -”

Shen Qingqiu raises an eyebrow. Shang Qinghua is, frankly, one of the last people he ever expected to come fishing for gossip. He didn’t think the little rat had it in him to have a single conversation more than necessary - especially with him, considering how clear it is that Shang Qinghua is borderline terrified of him.

Not that Shen Qingqiu hasn’t been surprised already by who has shown up at his doorstep trying to get the scoop on how things have been going with Tianlang-Jun. The lord of the ascetic peak had been the most ironic, surely. 

Still, Shang Qinghua…

…has certainly made the most ridiculous entrance!

“Tianlang-Jun,” Shen Qingqiu says dryly, “has all the poise of a disgruntled goose. Shang-Shidi can feel accomplished in that he’s somehow even worse than that.”

Shang Qinghua winces. 

“Right, but - ah, haha, you - and him, you and Tianlang-Jun -”

“Are still continuing our interactions in the same manner in which all our martial siblings decided on,” Shen Qingqiu finishes. “If anything of note happens in regards to that initiative, Shang-Shidi will surely hear about it at the following peak lord meeting.”

Shang Qinghua looks sufficiently cowed, and Shen Qingqiu feels sufficiently satisfied. It’s very rare that he’s actually able to shut up and chase away the gossipers with this little effort! 

…Well. The ‘shut up’ part is working. The ‘chase away’....

Shen Qingqiu resists the urge to poke at Shang Qinghua with his boot. 

“Shoo,” Shen Qingqiu says disdainfully. “I’ll send the bill for getting this carpet cleaned to An Ding later, and the price will only go up the longer you sit there.”

Shang Qinghua cringes, his face going ruddy with embarrassment. 

“I’m clean!” He cries, and then, much quieter and surely meant only for himself: “Isn’t the dirty thing your look, ah!”

“Does An Ding teach its disciples that you're meant to play a good host for people who break into their rooms through the windows?” Shen Qingqiu snaps. “Out with you - now.”

“Wha - no! I just - with Tianlang-Jun -! And, hey, listen, it isn’t like I judge, but y’know, it’s -”

“Now, Shang-Shidi,” Shen Qingqiu repeats flatly. 

Shang Qinghua winces again, then hesitates, and then finally squares his shoulders and looks up at Shen Qingqiu to meet his eyes for the first time since Shen Qingqiu caught him stumbling into his house.

“Proud -” Shang Qinghua’s voice cracks, “Proud Immortal Demon Way?!”

“Pathetic Mortal God Complex, more like!” Shen Qingqiu snaps, and -

Wait. 

Shen Qingqiu opens his fan and raises it high in front of his face, watching Shang Qinghua carefully.

“...Transmigration for you, too?” He asks, with significantly less vitriol. 

“Oh, bro -” Shang Qinghua cries, flopping back onto the ground in clear relief. “I thought you were going to eat me! I thought I was wrong after all!!”

“I’ll still eat you, get off my nice rug!” Shen Qingqiu scolds, finally giving in to the urge to prod at Shang Qinghua with his boot now that he knows the man isn’t someone he’ll have to put on airs around. “What gave me away? I thought everyone let it go after all the possession tests failed.”

If Shen Qingqiu has recently given up the game in some way, he needs to know now, before he has a bunch of peak lords breathing down his neck in ways not aimed at trying to improve his health.

Shang Qinghua glances furtively around the room. “Ah, before that, Luo Binghe…”

“Is out,” Shen Qingqiu dismisses. “He’s in class.”

Still, Shang Qingqhua isn’t wrong to be cautious, so Shen Qingqiu throws up a privacy barrier around them while Shang Qinghua shuffles around the bamboo house to finally go sit properly at the table Shen Qingqiu usually receives guests at. Shen Qingqiu joins him, gesturing for him to speak.

“Oh, well, I mean, Shen Qingqiu - the original, I mean - never would have agreed to this nonsense with Tianlang-Jun,” Shang Qinghua says. “Even if his life was in way worse danger than what you’ve got going on, everything about this plan is antithesis to what Shen Qingqiu ever would do for himself.”

“...Curing an illness?” Shen Qingqiu clarifies. 

“Accepting help instead of being content in his own misery, agreeing to sleep with a man - any of it,” Shang Qinghua says, flapping a hand around.

Shen Qingqiu’s brow furrows. Sure, he gets it - he’s straight, too! - but if he really was worried about his own life, sleeping with a man wouldn’t be that bad, right? Life saving procedures are definitely grounds for a solid ‘no-homo,’ and that takes care of that! 

Before he can say any of that, though, Shang Qinghua continues: “Regardless of the circumstances, the original goods would rather just die - that’s how I wrote him.”

…Shen Qingqiu stares at Shang Qinghua for a long moment. How he… ‘ wrote’ him?

Shang Qinghua stares back. 

“...Bro?”

Shen Qingqiu smiles sharply. 

“Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky,” he says sweetly. “Have you tested how effective the privacy wards are in this world you wrote?”

Shang Qinghua laughs awkwardly, like a dying pig wheezing out its last few breaths. “Well, I mean, I haven’t really had the time to roll about in bed with someone, y’know -”

“No worries,” Shen Qingqiu says. “The other way to make someone scream is in pain. Want to test it?”

Shang Qinghua pales rapidly. 

“Wa - wait, bro, wait hold on, hold on a second, that’s - bro, bro back up, hey hey hey why are you coming over here, bro, wait, hey hold on, put your sword away - bro PLEASE -!”

---

Shen Qingqiu resolves to apologize to Luo Binghe in the near future. Really, he shouldn’t have scolded the boy for using privacy wards in the past to make sure that his fights with the Bai Zhan brutes went uninterrupted. 

As it turns out, Shen Qingqiu himself quite likes using privacy wards in order to hide the sounds of giving someone a beating - the protagonist is right as always!

---

Later, Shen Qingqiu calmly sips at some tea while Shang Qinghua nurses his wounds (which honestly, Shen Qingqiu didn’t whack at him that hard, it’s more of a bruised ego than bruised skin!). Shang Qinghua is sullenly giving his (terrible, awful, no good!) author’s insight about all the things Shen Qingqiu has been wondering about since he first transmigrated, and Shen Qingqiu is pretending not to be too invested in the lore drop.

…Well, he’s not pretending that hard. Shang Qinghua finally got to the part where he’s explaining why Tianlang-Jun hasn’t been so receptive to Luo Binghe’s presence, and Shen Qingqiu is listening very closely. Regardless of the quality of the author, it’s still the author - no one will know better than him how to fix up Luo Binghe’s currently strained relationship with his sort-of-secret-father!

“- so, y’know, with the Huan Hua Palace Bastard fucking everything up,” Shang Qinghua is saying now, “Tianlang-Jun entered his imprisonment thinking that Su Xiyan hated him and betrayed him and all that stuff, so meeting Su Xiyan’s kid is like - basically all bad memories, y’know?”

Shen Qingqiu hums, tapping a finger on the table in thought. That certainly explains the animosity Tianlang-Jun exhibited towards cultivators as a whole, and some of the nasty comments he made about Luo Binghe’s mother. Those comments had been enough that Shen Qingqiu himself had been able to gather that Tianlang-Jun had ended things on bad terms with Luo Binghe’s mother right from the start, even if he didn’t know the exact specifics - Tianlang-Jun hadn’t exactly been hiding his frustration.

Still…

“Does Tianlang-Jun think Binghe is a kid Su Xiyan had with some random cultivator guy, then?” Shen Qingqiu asks, his brow furrowed.

“No way, no way,” Shang Qinghua says. “You read my story, so you know the way Meng Mo was able to identify Luo Binghe as a demon even with Luo Binghe’s cradle seal still firmly in place - it’s like that. Powerful enough demons are just able to sense demonic blood in another.”

“Then, a child of Su Xiyan and some other demon?”

Shang Qinghua wrinkles his nose. “I mean, with the cradle seal still in place, he probably can’t tell exactly what kind of demon Luo Binghe is - uh, y’know, outside of the vague sense that he’s from a powerful demonic lineage - but I’m pretty sure Tianlang-Jun knows Luo Binghe is his kid, bro.”

“Are you sure?”

“The timeline matches up from when he was having a little fun with Su Xiyan,” Shang Qinghua shrugs. “And Tianlang-Jun probably could’ve, like, smelled it or something, if Su Xiyan had been playing around with more than one powerful demon at that same time.”

Shen Qingqiu hums noncommittally. He supposes that makes sense - after all, the Luo Binghe of PIDW had been able to tell pretty quickly when another demon had dared to touch one of his wives - but still…

Tianlang-Jun not recognizing Luo Binghe as his own son was one of Shen Qingqiu’s only theories as to why the man hadn’t yet taken a shine to his sweet little sheep! 

“I just don’t understand why Tianlang-Jun wouldn’t love Binghe, then,” Shen Qingqiu sighs.

“...Because he thinks Su Xiyan betrayed him? Bro, weren’t you listening to any of the shit I was just saying?”

“Even if Tianlang-Jun thinks that Binghe’s mother betrayed him,” Shen Qingqiu insists, “what does that have to do with Binghe himself? Binghe’s still half Tianlang-Jun’s kid, too.”

Shang Qinghua, in all his boundless helpfulness, just shrugs. 

“Eh - demons aren’t really as predisposed to find value in blood bonds the way that humans are. Especially if a kid wasn’t raised directly by the lord themselves, there isn’t really a way for them to know for sure if the kid will be loyal to them. Luo Binghe’s in an especially bad position, since he was raised by cultivators - Tianlang-Jun would probably bite off his own foot before trusting someone who not only looks like Su Xiyan, but who was raised the same way too, no matter what blood runs in Luo Binghe’s veins.”

“Then - what, Tianlang-Jun only agreed to go along with this to keep an eye on a potential rival, then?” Shen Qingqiu asks, irritated that anyone could be Luo Binghe’s father and not immediately want to spoil the boy. 

“I don’t know, maybe? It’s more likely that Tianlang-Jun is interested in Luo Binghe like - y’know, the way you stalk an ex that you’re not completely over?”

“If you expect me to believe that the imbecile who wrote Papapa Demon Way ever had a relationship serious enough to be hung up over it once you broke up,” Shen Qingqiu sneers, “you will be sorely disappointed.”

“Hey!” Shang Qinghua cries, looking especially bullied. “...Well, okay, fine, maybe I never had an ex like that -”

“Or at all,” Shen Qingqiu snorts.

“- but I did a lot of research for PIDW! I’m practically an expert in the mental scars a serious ex might leave!”

Shen Qingqiu scowls. “Your writing gave me a mental scar,” he bitches, but Shang Qinghua only shrugs.

“Right, well - you’re sitting here asking me for more details, so that’s kind of the same thing as stalking an ex on social media, I guess?”

“I’m asking for more details because my life depends on it,” Shen Qingqiu snaps. “Fine, so Tianlang-Jun is wary of Binghe because of the shit with Su Xiyan - can’t we just tell him that Huan Hua was behind all of that?”

“Maybe? I mean, I don’t know how you’d explain where you got all this info, though, the only guy alive who knows any of this would be the Palace Master himself.”

“What, is ‘lying’ not a thing we can do?” Shen Qingqiu asks, rolling his eyes. 

“As someone who is constantly giving information to a high ranking demon,” Shang Qinghua says hollowly, “they do not trust like that, bro. If you can’t provide a source for your information, it’s all ‘I’m going to go verify this information myself,’ and ‘if you’re wrong about this I’ll kill you slowly and painfully,’ and -”

“Hold on,” Shen Qingqiu says, suddenly irritated all over again. “You’re actually a traitor for Mobei-Jun, then?”

“...Yeah?” Shang Qinghua says, blinking at Shen Qingqiu. “That’s like, the entire purpose of this character -”

Shen Qingqiu raises his fan menacingly with the intention of ‘testing’ the privacy wards all over again. Shang Qinghua squawks like a frightened bird.

“- wait wait wait! It’s - the System, bro, don’t you have one too?!”

…Reluctantly, Shen Qingqiu lowers his fan.

“We’ll find a way to deal with that in the future, then,” Shen Qingqiu grumbles. “You’re probably right that we can’t afford to just make shit up, though - even if Tianlang-Jun takes us at our word, our martial siblings are less likely to go along with this new information without proof.”

“Definitely,” Shang Qinghua says, nodding. Then he pauses, blinks, and says: “Wait, why are we telling the other peak lords?”

“What the hell do you think the point of getting Tianlang-Jun over here was?” Shen Qingqiu asks. 

“To cure you with Heavenly Demon dick?” Shang Qinghua tries.

“Say that again and I’ll tell Binghe to not turn in any of Qing Jing’s paperwork to An Ding for a month,” Shen Qingqiu deadpans. “No, you idiot - I’m just going along with this courtship nonsense until I can figure out how to free Tianlang-Jun entirely.”

“Free him? The demon that made Yue Qingyuan draw his sword and took an entire generation of cultivators working together in order to seal away?!” Shang Qinghua screeches. “Are you insane?!”

“He’s Binghe’s dad!” Shen Qingqiu defends. “Luo Binghe’s dad - the last living family member of the protagonist destined to blacken and kill us all! Even if I have to push Binghe into the Abyss, so long as Tianlang-Jun is free, Binghe won’t have actually lost everything.”

Shang Qinghua looks at Shen Qingqiu like he’s grown a second head.

“And, uh, has Luo Binghe actually expressed any familial affection for the guy?” He asks. “I can see where you’re going with this, I guess, but that only works if Luo Binghe actually cares enough about Tianlang-Jun to consider him family in the first place.”

“I’m working on it,” Shen Qingqiu snaps. “I’m not going to get anywhere with it if Tianlang-Jun doesn’t start being a bit nicer to Binghe, though.”

Shang Qinghua sends Shen Qingqiu a complicated look.

“I’m not sure your understanding of how ‘nicely’ Luo Binghe has to be treated in order for him to like someone can be trusted, bro.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“...If you don’t know, I won’t tell you.”

“Useless,” Shen Qingqiu scoffs. “And idiotic, too; I would argue that I have the best understanding of anyone of how to raise Binghe right! Look how well he’s turned out under my care!”

“...” Shang Qinghua says. 

“And anyway,” Shen Qingqiu continues, “you should know too, as the author: Luo Binghe is the sort to remember grudges and kindnesses in extreme clarity. He won’t form a positive bond with a prisoner who only tries to rile him up.”

“I guess,” Shang Qinghua admits. “But even if it would help with your weird plan to tell Tianlang-Jun about the truth of what happened with Su Xiyan -”

“It would,” Shen Qingqiu says firmly. “It would get Tianlang-Jun to let go of some of his resentment so he can get closer with Binghe, and it would give us a reason to free Tianlang-Jun, since he was clearly framed for his crimes.”

“Even if it would help,” Shang Qinghua continues, “it just isn’t feasible. You have no proof, and no offense bro, but the entirety of the jianghu is way more likely to take the Palace Master’s word over Shen Qingqiu’s. Also, there’s the whole issue of like - sure, Tianlang-Jun might have been framed, but he did still kill a fuck ton of cultivators in the mess of us trying to seal him.”

“So we need proof,” Shen Qingqiu says, completely ignoring the second half of Shang Qinghua’s argument. That’s a problem for later, for later!! 

“There is definitely no proof,” Shang Qinghua insists.

“There are exactly 37 cataloged artifacts, plants, and poisons capable of making someone tell the truth,” Shen Qingqiu corrects. “All we need is an excuse to get the Palace Master on trial so one of them can be used on him.”

“...Bro, tell me honestly, you actually really liked my story, didn’t you? 37 is very specific -”

“What about the poison that the Palace Master gave Luo Binghe’s mother?” Shen Qingqiu asks, bulldozing over Shang Qinghua’s pathetic attempts to be praised. “There might be receipts, or the apothecary who sold the poison might still be alive to testify. As a fetus, Binghe wouldn’t have had the seal on his blood yet, so the poison used must have been one that was strong enough to harm a Heavenly Demon.”

Shang Qinghua sighs wearily. “It isn’t that unusual for a cultivation sect leader to buy poison, you know.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Shen Qingqiu dismisses. “We just lie and say we know the truth, use the poison as our proof, and then when everyone inevitably doesn’t believe us, we call for a trial and use one of the truth bullshit plot devices. The poison isn’t meant to be hard evidence; just enough for people to think we did some real investigation that warrants a trial to quiet us down.”

“I don’t like the use of ‘we’ in that sentence,” Shang Qinghua whines. “This sounds like a ‘you’ problem, leave me out of it.”

“It is a problem that exists because you literally created it,” Shen Qingqiu says. “It’s your problem too, or else you can worry about the Qing Jing Peak Lord suddenly discovering a spy in Cang Qiong’s midst, instead.”

“Bro!” Shang Qinghua cries. Shen Qingqiu sniffs and says nothing. “...Jeez, fine, I’ll help! But the second this goes south, you’re on your own!”

“It won’t go south, then,” Shen Qingqiu says. “But we’ll have to act fast - I don’t know how long everyone is going to let me drag out this stupid fake dating plotline before they start to expect results, and we need to get Tianlang-Jun to start treating Binghe nicely before then. It’s fine if it takes us longer to free him, but the end of the courtship is our deadline for getting Binghe a good dad.”

“Out of curiosity,” Shang Qinghua asks, “does Tianlang-Jun know that this is a fake dating plot?”

“Of course he does,” Shen Qingqiu says. “I told him as much already.”

“And he believed you?”

“I made myself very clear.”

“...Right.” Shang Qinghua coughs. “So the end of the courtship is the deadline because… Luo Binghe will go back to hating Tianlang-Jun if he thinks Tianlang-Jun refused to dual cultivate with you at the end of all that courting?”

“No,” Shen Qingqiu hisses. “It’s the deadline because that’s when the System is going to bring back the Abyss plotline.”

“Oh, right…”

“So we have to work quickly,” Shen Qingqiu stresses.

“Right, right!” Shang Qinghua says, scrambling to his feet. “I’ll go, I’ll go! I can probably source one of those truth serum things, I guess, so you can work on all the behind-the-scenes politics and evidence and other more important things.”

“Fine,” Shen Qingqiu agrees. Then, before Shang Qinghua can manage to escape, he calls out once more. “Wait, before you go -”

“What now,” Shang Qinghua whines, edging ever closer to the door.

“Hush, this is important too,” Shen Qingqiu snaps. “It isn’t like I’m able to ask anyone else. I’ve managed to avoid letting anyone see Tianlang-Jun and Binghe side-by-side until now, but if I run out of luck, someone is going to see them and realize how similar they look. I’ve been trying to remember if you wrote any plot devices that prevented people from recognizing the way someone looks; we could give it to Tianlang-Jun and -”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Shang Qinghua asks. “Didn’t you hear me earlier? Luo Binghe looks like Su Xiyan, not Tianlang-Jun.”

“What the fuck are you talking about,” Shen Qingqiu retorts. “They clearly look alike! Binghe has Tianlang-Jun’s eyes, and their noses are identical -”

“Bro, you should seriously reconsider how much attention you pay to the way Luo Binghe looks,” Shang Qinghua says, sounding exhausted. “No one will think they look like they might be related until Luo Binghe’s cradle seal breaks, I swear.”

And with that, Shang Qinghua makes his escape, and Shen Qingqiu is left fuming at his table.

---

The courtship meetings with Tianlang-Jun don’t become more enjoyable with time, but Shen Qingqiu is nothing if not an experienced master of bullshitting his way out of awkward situations. After the miserable outcome of their first courtship meeting, Shen Qingqiu resolved himself: if it wouldn’t be possible for them to simply get along normally, then Shen Qingqiu would fill their dates with enough distractions and activities that their lack of compatibility wouldn’t be noticeable!

If you have trouble striking up a conversation with your date over coffee, take them to the arcade where the ambient noise is too loud to allow for casual conversation to begin with! If your date is being difficult and contrarian, take them to play a casual sport where a competitive spirit can spill into flirtation! If you still have trouble getting along, take them to see a movie where neither party will be looking or speaking to each other at all!

Shen Yuan may not have been a master of relationships, but Peerless Cucumber had been a master of online bitchfests. Since netizens are least skilled when it comes to romance, of course it’s romance that they bitch about most, and Peerless Cucumber had been there to witness it all - if a piece of advice existed, he had heard it, even if he’d never deigned to act on it himself!

So Shen Qingqiu handles Tianlang-Jun with all the dubious expertise of a veteran internet lurker, which turns out to not be too dissimilar from how Shen Qingqiu handles his unruly disciples when they’re being too sticky or troublesome: distract, disregard, disengage!

Distraction is the primary attack method. Shen Qingqiu never goes to another courtship meeting after that first miserably awkward one without having packed some sort of activity designed to take Tianlang-Jun’s focus off of Shen Qingqiu directly. Couple’s activities, games that Shen Qingqiu has learned from his disciples, or puzzles would all do fine, so long as it meant Tianlang-Jun’s energy and attention was on the activity and not on who he was doing it with!

These activities have a secondary benefit, too: they provide an easy way to include Luo Binghe in the courtship meeting beyond the role of chaperone. 

Sure, Tianlang-Jun may not be inclined to give up his grudge against Su Xiyan and her progeny before Shen Qingqiu manages to reveal the truth of that past betrayal to the world, but that plan isn’t exactly fast-acting. By the time Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua have managed to coral the Huan Hua Palace Master into a trial and prove that Su Xiyan had never betrayed Tianlang-Jun, Cang Qiong’s patience for Shen Qingqiu’s slow courtship pacing may have already run thin. If the Abyss plotline pops back up before Tianlang-Jun and Luo Binghe have had the chance to bond, it will all have been for nothing!

So: whatever activity it is that Shen Qingqiu brings to these courtship meetings, he ensures he has enough supplies for three people. If these sorts of games can distract from a couple’s romantic incompatibility, surely they can also distract from a father and son’s mutual grudges! Shen Qingqiu will make these fake-dates tolerable and get Luo Binghe and Tianlang-Jun to soften up to each other with one fell swoop!

Of course, with Tianlang-Jun’s arms still kept bound behind his back, his participation in any given activity is limited. Shen Qingqiu can move weiqi pieces for him or have Tianlang-Jun take a kite’s strings in his mouth, but eventually Tianlang-Jun gets tired of the awkward accommodations and wants to give up on them.

So, when Tianlang-Jun inevitably begins to grow antsy or bored and wants to return to bothering Shen Qingqiu directly instead of focusing on his activity like a good boy, it’s time for step two: disregard!

Unruly dates are really quite similar to children in their base desire to elicit a response. Like a sticky-fingered boy pulling on pigtails, some ill behaving dates have simply decided that irritation and disgust are preferred reactions to complete disinterest. Tianlang-Jun himself had admitted to being this sort of irritating boyfriend on their very first fake-date, even, when he’d gone on and on about how Shen Qingqiu would surely remember a ‘rougish bastard’ over a polite and well-behaved young man. 

That all falls apart so long as Shen Qingqiu ignores all of Tianlang-Jun’s attempts to rile him up, though! If Tianlang-Jun’s primary source of entertainment refuses to respond to his most inappropriate jokes and one liners, then he’ll surely eventually give up on them! 

…Surely!

“Master Shen, you really do enjoy being chased, don’t you?” Tianlang-Jun crows after having been ignored for the better half of their fake-date. “This silent treatment is quite familiar to me from my previous dalliances with a human cultivator, you know, and Master Shen knows quite well how that ended up!” 

Then he makes some truly awful eyebrow-wiggling-obscene expressions in the direction of Luo Binghe - the living proof that the ‘silent treatment’ did indeed still result in Tianlang-Jun getting his dick wet, gross - and Shen Qingqiu gives up.

It’s fine! Training a misbehaving child takes time, especially when the child is actually at least a century old and has been rewarded for his bad behavior in the past! Shen Qingqiu will get through to him eventually!

In the meantime, he can only resort to his third and final weapon: disengage! If the date is utter shit beyond saving, just go home! This is especially effective for irritating fake-boyfriends that are put back into a prison cell when the date ends, without even a phone to send lewd or irritating messages to Shen Qingqiu from. Tianlang-Jun will surely begin to improve his behavior on their courtship outings if only to extend the time that he spends outside his cave!

…Shen Qingqiu really, really hopes that Luo Binghe appreciates the amount of gray hairs Shen Qingqiu is gaining from trying to reunite their family, ah!

At home, though, the exhaustion doesn’t end. 

Shen Qingqiu had acted confident in front of Shang Qinghua, but discovering halfway believable evidence of a crime committed by one of the single most respected cultivators in the jianghu is no easy feat, and it gets even more difficult when the crime being proven is one that took place nearly two decades ago. 

Shen Qingqiu’s first thought is to acquire records from apothecaries and potential witnesses around Huan Hua rather than from Huan Hua directly, but even that isn’t as easy as simply asking for them.

What does he need records from that long ago for? Why does he need them, specifically, as a cultivator from a sect that does next to no business in the area? Qing Jing is hardly the sort of peak that would take an interest in the records of poisons trafficked through an area, either - why isn’t it Qian Cao asking if it’s a medical issue, or Qiong Ding if it’s a matter of politics? Shen Qingqiu can’t just pretend to be acting in the stead of his martial siblings to clear the matter up, because that’s the sort of thing that gets back to the other peak lords, and then they’ll have all sorts of questions about what the previously-scum Qing Jing Peak Lord was doing interrogating some poor old herbalist or marketseller on the supposed behalf of Mu Qingfang. 

The more Shen Qingqiu attempts to do on his own, the more it seems unlikely that he’ll be able to dig anything up at all without the collaboration - or at least the implicit cooperation - of his fellow peak lords. 

How can Shen Qingqiu bring the matter up, though? The original goods surely hadn’t had many connections with Huan Hua, or one of them would have made themselves known in the years since Shen Qingqiu’s transmigration. Without some sort of tie to Huan Hua, what could possibly explain his interest in a decades-old case, or his sudden suspicion of a well-regarded sect leader? ‘I heard about this terrible tragedy from the questionable god of this world, who happens to be our tax guy,’ isn’t exactly a workable excuse!

“Don’t you have like, the best excuse in the world?” Shang Qinghua asks after Shen Qingqiu has aired out his grievances over tea. “You’re literally dating Tianlang-Jun right now - just say he talked about the whole betrayal thing and you got curious enough to look into it.”

“Fake dating,” Shen Qingqiu corrects, spitefully pulling the plate of protagonist-made treats closer to his side of the table and therefore out of Shang Qinghua’s reach. “And anyway, using Tianlang-Jun as an excuse is the worst possible option.”

“Is it? It sounds like a decent excuse to me,” Shang Qinghua says skeptically, eyeing the now out of reach snack platter with envy. “You just gotta be all, ‘oh, this roguish DILF demon has swept me off my feet, and his sob story has moved my heart, and now we just have to investigate Huan Hua -’”

“I’ll kill you,” Shen Qingqiu says seriously. Shang Qinghua shuts up. “I’m well aware that your intelligence is on par with a beetle’s -”

“Hey!”

“- but at least try to think this one through. Even when they’re trying to push me into bed with Tianlang-Jun, our martial siblings aren’t exactly happy about it; they’re all expecting him to eventually agree to the treatment plan while he’s still bound up and kept in a cave most days. What they consider the ‘best case scenario’ seems to be some miserable endgame where Tianlang-Jun agrees to be a neglected concubine.”

“Oh, poor Cucumber-bro, I’m so sorry that your only friends are assuming you’d keep Tianlang-Jun as a neglected concubine,” Shang Qinghua drawls.

Shen Qingqiu scowls. “This is all your fault for having written Without-a-Cure to require papapa with a Heavenly Demon, the least you could do is apologize sincerely.”

“I’m so sorry,” Shang Qinghua says again, in the exact same mocking tone. “What a misrepresentation of your character! A neglected concubine! You’d surely take care of him better than tha - ow ow ow, don’t hit me!!”

“The point is,” Shen Qingqiu says, primly sitting back and setting his fan aside, “if I went to the other peak lords and asked for assistance investigating Huan Hua because I was concerned for Tianlang-Jun, they’d all assume I’ve been bewitched or am otherwise compromised. They want Tianlang-Jun to like me so he’ll agree to cure me - they don’t want me to like him. He’s still the most dangerous demon known to the great sects.”

Shang Qinghua sighs, rubbing at his abused head. “Ugh, whatever, fine. I guess they might be more eager to help out if they thought your concern about Huan Hua was motivated by like, a sense of righteousness or concern for our sect’s security or something a bit more concrete than your new love affair.”

“Call it a love affair one more time and I’ll sell you out as a traitor and use that as an excuse for new scrutiny of the great cultivation sects,” Shen Qingqiu says pleasantly. 

Obediently, Shang Qinghua moves the conversation along and doesn’t bring Tianlang-Jun up again that afternoon. Shen Qingqiu makes sure to look especially mean for the rest of their tea session anyway, to discourage any further discussion of the topic, but - 

Fuck, he really does wish that Shang Qinghua’s shitty advice could be used, just this once!!

Not even just for this mess with Huan Hua and trying to prove the truth of what happened with Su Xiyan to the world, either! Really, Shen Qingqiu wishes it were easy to have any conversation about Tianlang-Jun with his martial siblings!! 

After all, Shen Qingqiu had promised Tianlang-Jun at the very start of this that his treatment would be improved if he agreed to go along with the fake dating scheme, but every attempt to actually follow through on that promise has been like pulling teeth. None of the other peak lords want to give Tianlang-Jun anything for as long as Tianlang-Jun himself is still un-swayed to Shen Qingqiu’s supposed charms.

He’s managed a few small victories, at least - Tianlang-Jun had been very insistent on being given reading material as his first quality of life improvement, and that had been a decently simple request to fulfill since it could be seen as a gift Shen Qingqiu gave to the demon as part of the courtship process. The reading material itself was still inspected by two other peak lords before it was allowed to be passed on to Tianlang-Jun - something Tianlang-Jun had been quite sour about, when he realized it meant he wouldn’t be getting any yellow books - but it was still done.

Tianlang-Jun’s next request, though - a modification to the sealing arrays on his cave that would allow for better airflow and that wouldn’t zap every small critter that tried to enter the cave - had taken a full month of convincing before Yue Qingyuan had given the okay. 

A full month! From Yue Qingyuan, the man notorious for being Shen Qingqiu’s biggest enabler!

“Forgive my bluntness, Tianlang-Jun,” Yue Qingyuan says, after Shen Qingqiu finally convinces the man to at least hear Tianlang-Jun out on this request. “The air on Cang Qiong is rich in qi, and a request for improved airflow could be seen as an attempt to improve your cultivation.”

“Isn’t my - ahem - cultivation especially important to your Master Shen?” Tianlang-Jun leers. Then, when Yue Qingyuan motions for Shen Qingqiu to follow him back out of the cave with clear intention to not fulfill Tianlang-Jun’s request, the demon rolls his eyes. “Little Yue Qi, not even I can improve my demonic cultivation with spiritual qi as pure as Cang Qiong boasts.”

“Fresh air is good for healing,” says Shen Qingqiu, helpfully parroting a piece of advice that Mu Qingfang had given to him at least seven times in the last year. “And I’ve already made it clear that no matter how the courtship progresses, I won’t be dual cultivating with someone who isn’t in good health themselves.”

Theatrically, Tianlang-Jun gives a dry little cough. “Sometimes I still feel the weight of that mountain on my aching shoulders…”

“Fresh air is one thing,” Yue Qingyuan allows. “The wards that keep out non-permitted living creatures are another.”

“Little Yue Qi, if I had a spiritual beast that could make it through a sect’s wards, it would have visited me when I was in Huan Hua’s most thoughtful care,” Tianlang-Jun says.

“Our wards are different than Huan Hua’s,” warns Wei Qingwei, quickly backed up by the agreeing mutterings of another peak lord.

Ah, Shen Qingqiu mourns, I should have just continued bothering Yue Qingyuan about this one-on-one! Taking him to hear Tianlang-Jun out… I forgot that visiting this dumbfuck cave can only be done with an entire retinue of peak lords!

Tianlang-Jun isn’t discouraged, though. 

“Little Yue Qi promised that I would be treated well so long as I considered a courtship with your Shen Qingqiu,” he sneers. “I’d expected to be betrayed in the end, but isn’t this giving the game up a bit early?”

The gathered peak lords shift uncomfortably. They’re all well aware that the biggest obstacle in the ongoing courtship is Tianlang-Jun’s clear lack of trust in righteous cultivators. 

“...And what,” Yue Qingyuan says, “does Tianlang-Jun hope to gain by allowing small critters inside his cave? If you’re looking to eat them, then we can increase your meal portions.”

“My, what’s this? Blatant stereotyping and false assumptions that a filthy demon such as myself must be interested in eating insects and the like?”

Yue Qingyuan cringes subtlety. Shen Qingqiu, well-versed in being hit with the aren’t-you-just-stereotyping retort from his time on the internet in his past life, graciously steps in.

“My, what’s this?” He echoes. “Tianlang-Jun seems to have made an assumption himself that humans aren’t interested in eating insects and the like?”

“Master Shen, while I appreciate the effort to fulfill my personal preferences for a bed partner who has a mean streak, in this particular instance I find myself wishing you were a bit better at simply being on my side.”

Shen Qingqiu nearly spits. Mindful of the eyes of his martial siblings on him, he merely smiles thinly. “In this particular instance, I find myself wishing that there didn’t have to be sides.”

Wei Qingwei exchanges a look with the peak lord who’d agreed with him earlier. 

“Things seem to actually be working out between them, then?” he says, quiet enough that it could almost pass as an attempt to not let Shen Qingqiu hear despite his enhanced senses.

Yue Qingyuan sends a complicated look at Shen Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu’s smile grows more brittle. 

Looking back at Tianlang-Jun, Yue Qingyuan sighs. “I mean no disrespect to Tianlang-Jun. It’s simply protocol to ensure the motivation of your requests could not be met in a less extreme way.”

“Because the current wards that kill every small creature that gets close aren’t extreme, of course,” Tianlang-Jun says.

As a group, the gathered peak lords look behind them at the entrance to the cave. Just outside the cave, along the line that hums with the energy of so many powerful arrays, there is a little pile of dead creatures. A small bird, a young rabbit, a handful of butterflies, and several snakes.

“The snakes seem to have been venomous,” Yue Qingyuan tries. “If they’d entered the cave while Tianlang-Jun was bound up, they could have hurt you.”

“Now wouldn’t that have spiced up my day!” Tianlang-Jun agrees cheerily. “Instead, I sat here bored and watched each of them die!”

“...Fresh air and the allowance of non-permitted living creatures that are no larger in length than a chi,” Yue Qingyuan eventually allows, and so concludes that particular battle for improved living conditions.

All that! A month of pestering and careful arguments, and a visit to Tianlang-Jun himself where the guy was interrogated for wanting fresh air!  

Shen Qingqiu may not like Tianlang-Jun, but he does have to appease him for the time being, and the amount of resistance he’s running into when trying to fulfill the basic promise to improve Tianlang-Jun’s living conditions has been infuriating. That’s Luo Binghe’s dad, and Shen Qingqiu can’t even get him fresh air without a fight!

Despite their suspicious attitudes and resistance to all of Shen Qingqiu’s very reasonable plans, though, it’s clear that every single peak lord is highly invested in the courtship itself. They’re always finding excuses to drop by the bamboo house unannounced, fishing for details about how this or that date had gone. Nevermind that there’s often a peak lord hanging around near wherever the courtship meetings happen; they want to hear the details straight from Shen Qingqiu, rather than whoever had been assigned to stand guard that day. 

“Has he warmed up to the idea of curing you, yet?” One of them might ask. “How has his heart rate been? The dilation of his pupils? Anything that gives a sign of interest?”

“It doesn’t have to be attraction!” Another will rush to clarify, when Shen Qingqiu bluntly reminds his beloved martial siblings that their deal with Tianlang-Jun is nothing but a business transaction. “Just, perhaps, less of a grudge against cultivators…?”

“If there’s no improvement, maybe we really should just pin him in place and take the cure ourselves,” A third will muse, before promptly being kicked out of Shen Qingqiu’s house. 

The invasive questionings never end! In fact, they only get worse as time passes, the peak lords becoming more blunt as they become nervous that the courtship won’t bear fruit. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t begrudge them their anxiety itself - regardless of how he got the position, he is the head of Cang Qiong’s strategy, and he can quite easily recognize how risky of a move it was to even attempt making this sort of deal with Tianlang-Jun, both politically and very literally considering the demon’s power.

To be clear: he doesn’t begrudge his martial siblings for their anxiety itself. The way that they handle that anxiety, on the other hand -!

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t care to hear your invasive questions, thank you! His fake-dating is going just fine without your intervention! If you’re really so concerned about lessening Tianlang-Jun’s resentment towards righteous cultivators, maybe you could try not fucking fighting Shen Qingqiu every time he tries to improve the man’s living conditions -

Ahem. In any case, Shen Qingqiu is a bit stressed out. He has to manage Tianlang-Jun, and he has to care about the way in which he’s managing Tianlang-Jun because that’s still Binghe’s dad and Shen Qingqiu had only ever agreed to this bullshit because of that, and he has to deal with his martial siblings showing up on his doorstep trying to figure out how close Shen Qingqiu is to getting laid, and he has to find a way to expose Huan Hua Palace’s treachery from nearly two decades ago. 

System, if there was ever a chance to take an easy mode ever again, now would be the time!!

The System is mercilessly silent. 

Shen Qingqiu can only take comfort in Luo Binghe: both the mere fact that the boy is still here with him on Qing Jing Peak instead of in the Abyss, and the future that Luo Binghe will have with a father who will (someday) (hopefully) (please, Shen Qingqiu can’t have gone through all this for nothing -!) love him.

Luo Binghe, for his part, seems to be approaching each day as if it’s a battle to be won. 

It seemed Luo Binghe had truly meant what he’d said about wishing that Shen Qingqiu would never think of Tianlang-Jun when thinking of dating overall: not only did Luo Binghe begin badgering Shen Qingqiu with little kiddy play-dates at home, but he began redirecting Shen Qingqiu’s attention during his official courtship meetings, as well.

Don’t get it wrong, Luo Binghe is still quite clearly on team ‘papapa to cure the poison!’ He’s far too eager to jump in to try and wingman Shen Qingqiu, arguing without a hint of shame that Shen Qingqiu would be a perfect match for Tianlang-Jun’s tastes and would benefit the man greatly should he lay with him. But for every “Tianlang-Jun, please consider the visual of Shizun coldly glaring at you over his fan!” there’s now also a “Shizun shouldn’t have to speak so much, how about I tell Tianlang-Jun about Shizun’s classes for you, so that you can read your book instead?”

If Shen Qingqiu were to describe Luo Binghe’s behavior in one sentence, it would be ‘selling his master off while trying to distract him from the sale!’

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe calls, pulling Shen Qingqiu from his thoughts. 

They’re both at home for the day for once, no planned fake-dates or meetings with the other peak lords or classes to run off to. Honestly, Shen Qingqiu has been looking forward to this break in his schedule all week. How typical for Shen Qingqiu to spend his much-anticipated day off by worrying about all his troubles anyway, ah…

“This disciple requests for Shizun’s inspection of my work.”

Saying so, Luo Binghe presents a deck of cards to Shen Qingqiu. Even without looking at them up close, Shen Qingqiu can tell they’re made of well-pressed paper and painted in the careful hand of a Qing Jing artist. 

Shen Qingqiu sighs, but it’s more indulgent than anything. His sticky disciple, always vying for attention right at the moments when Shen Qingqiu is going through a mental crisis! Truly, a natural instinct for being a good boy!!

“Alright then,” he says fondly. “Let Shizun see.”

Luo Binghe hands the cards over, and Shen Qingqiu looks through them carefully. The cards themselves make up a Water Margin deck, but the designs aren’t standard; the money cards depict spirit stones instead of mortal money, and the highest suit boasts paintings of Qing Jing landmarks instead of famous portraits. The sweeping forests of bamboo, the waterfall disciples use for meditation, the teaching halls… Shen Qingqiu stops on one that includes a couple of disciples running about in the background, smiling down at the artwork.

“They’re lovely,” Shen Qingqiu says honestly. “Is Binghe planning on gifting this to his Shijie?”

“Shizun knows I’m not,” Luo Binghe says. 

“Then, to keep for yourself?”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe complains, and Shen Qingqiu’s eyes curve into pleased crescents.

“This Shizun of yours is the proud collector of nearly all of Binghe’s finished art pieces,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Isn’t it unfair if I hoard them all?”

“Isn’t it more unfair if an artist doesn’t get to choose which collector keeps their work?” Luo Binghe asks rather petulantly, the very picture of a bratty Qing Jing scholar. Then he shifts his weight, his eyes turning downwards. “If Shizun doesn’t want it…”

“I want it,” Shen Qingqiu says, watching with amusement as Luo Binghe - predictably - straightens up like a spring daisy at his words. 

“Then, perhaps Shizun would like to test them out?”

Shen Qingqiu levels Luo Binghe with an unimpressed look. He’d expected this from the moment Luo Binghe had presented a deck of cards, but seeing it coming doesn’t mean he’s happy about it!

“And I suppose that Binghe wants to play the same game I played with Tianlang-Jun some weeks ago?”

“No,” Luo Binghe says mulishly. “Shizun taught Tianlang-Jun how to play the game with normal mortal rules; naturally this disciple is requesting to play with the ruleset that Shizun favors, so that Shizun can have a better memory of playing cards in an intimate setting -”

Luo Binghe is cut off with a yelp as Shen Qingqiu cuffs him over the head. 

“This master has made it clear many times now that Binghe doesn’t have to pity me like this,” Shen Qingqiu grumbles. 

“And this disciple must keep insisting that it isn’t out of pity that I wish to see Shizun courted in a way he actually enjoys,” Luo Binghe says, his shoulders set with stubborn confidence. 

Shen Qingqiu sighs, looking back down at the deck of cards that Luo Binghe had made. They truly are lovely - everything Luo Binghe has given him these last few months has been lovely. If it didn’t feel so much like a child giving their single mom a gift on valentine’s day, Shen Qingqiu might even feel flattered by the amount of thought that Luo Binghe puts into making each gift suit Shen Qingqiu’s personal taste!

Ah, how embarrassing. In the end, these weird pity-dates from his disciple really are the most enjoyable part of Shen Qingqiu’s stressful life right now.

“Sit down, then,” Shen Qingqiu allows. “We’ll just play a few matches.”

Luo Binghe smiles, very clearly pleased with himself. 

“Just as many matches as it takes Shizun to finish his snack,” Luo Binghe agrees, pulling a box of - presumably - some sort of sweet snack out from his sleeve and sliding it across the table towards Shen Qingqiu. “This disciple wouldn’t wish to keep Shizun from his work, after all.”

“Binghe has told more believing lies in his sleep,” Shen Qingqiu grumbles, even as he eagerly opens the box to take a peek at which snack Luo Binghe had prepared for him. “Oh, lotus crisp pastries!”

“The pink ones are filled with a bean paste, the yellow ones have a custard,” Luo Binghe recites dutifully. 

Pleased, Shen Qingqiu hands the cards back to Luo Binghe for him to shuffle and deal out while Shen Qingqiu begins sampling the pastries. Ah, Shen Qingqiu admits it, he admits it - if it means being plied with sweets like these, he’ll participate in as many of these kiddy dates as Luo Binghe wants!

“Shizun is too easily swayed,” Luo Binghe says, clearly amused. “This disciple truly worries that Shizun might one day get swept up in some nefarious scheme just because someone promised him some sweets if he agreed.”

Shen Qingqiu, who has conveniently gone deaf at this moment, happily munches on his pastries without saying a word in reply. If his little disciple is going to be so disrespectful of his master, then Shen Qingqiu will simply remember this moment later when he’s creating the week’s lesson plans. 

Luo Binghe you brat, you see if you can stay so cocky when your master has planned a full week of archery practice for you - the one martial form that Ming Fan is still number one in!!

Satisfied with this revenge plan, Shen Qingqiu stops ignoring Luo Binghe after only a few short seconds.

“Binghe should tell me how his classes have been going,” Shen Qingqiu says. “I’ve been so busy lately, I haven’t had the chance to oversee many of the lectures for older disciples - is Binghe still working on his guqin composition?”

“Mm,” Luo Binghe agrees, “I’ll play it for Shizun when I’m finished.”

“I’ll look forward to it,” Shen Qingqiu says warmly, and Luo Binghe beams.

“Shizun should make sure he listens to Ning Shijie’s composition as well,” Luo Binghe says. “Hall Master Yao has helped her a lot; it won’t remind Shizun of a swarm of bees this time.”

Shen Qingqiu laughs, and the two of them fall into easy conversation over a game of cards. How the younger disciples have been doing, which beasts the senior disciples have seen on nighthunts recently, what gossip has been making its rounds across Cang Qiong - it’s a moment carved out of time to resemble exactly the sort of leisurely life that Shen Qingqiu is so relieved to have been able to provide for Luo Binghe before the Abyss. 

Even if Shen Qingqiu can’t delay the plot forever, every day by which he extends Luo Binghe’s white lotus years is one that feels well-earned.

Of course, thinking about the Abyss is the same as begging for the conversation to turn to less pleasant topics, so it’s at this moment that Luo Binghe lapses into silence for a moment before bringing up one particular piece of Cang Qiong gossip that Shen Qingqiu really doesn’t want to hear.

“The outer disciples have started talking about Shizun’s courtship,” Luo Binghe says, with significantly less glee than he’d used to describe the gossip from Bai Zhan or Xian Su.

Shen Qingqiu’s lips thin. “Who do they believe me to be courting?”

“They aren’t sure,” Luo Binghe says, shifting in his seat. 

“But?”

“...Zhangmen-Shibo is the current most popular theory.”

Shen Qingqiu sighs. “I suppose that makes sense,” he says. “Your Zhangmen-Shibo has been the most… present, during this whole courtship nonsense, both for his martial might and his need to keep on top of the politics of it. So long as no one has started to suspect Cang Qiong is using Tianlang-Jun for this purpose, any other rumor is acceptable.”

Still, though, couldn’t the most popular theory be one that keeps Shen Qingqiu’s dignity as a straight man intact, ah!! The female peak lords have been present during this courtship process, too!!

“This disciple regrets that Shizun’s condition has put his personal life in the spotlight,” Luo Binghe says, expression bitter. “I’m working on spreading some other rumors that will hopefully be more popular than the ones about Shizun.”

Shen Qingqiu spares a moment to dream of a world where anything is as interesting as a peerless immortal’s love life. Having read countless webnovels in his old world about that very topic, it’s a bit difficult to imagine.

“Binghe is considerate towards this master,” Shen Qingqiu says. “But don’t take it to heart if it doesn’t work out - if people are running their mouths about me, it means they aren’t thinking about what happened to the demon Cang Qiong took in as a prisoner some time ago. It’s easier to lose this battle than to fight the other.”

Luo Binghe’s brow furrows, but he doesn’t argue. He isn’t Qing Jing’s star disciple for nothing; he knows just as well as Shen Qingqiu does that this is the preferable set of rumors.

“Shizun…” Luo Binghe starts, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. “About Tianlang-Jun…”

Shen Qingqiu bites back a grimace. He’s been hounded about this from every other person in on the courtship plan, so he supposes it isn’t too unusual for Luo Binghe to pluck up the courage to ask, too. 

“Binghe wants to know how things are going with him?”

Luo Binghe nods. “This disciple is grateful to be present during Shizun’s courtship meetings with Tianlang-Jun, so that I can assist as necessary.”

“This master would prefer it if you assisted less,” Shen Qingqiu mutters. Luo Binghe pretends not to have heard him.

“Despite being present, though, this disciple can’t claim to understand everything that Shizun thinks about. Shizun brings Tianlang-Jun books and teaches him to play games, and no matter Tianlang-Jun’s attitude, it doesn’t seem as if there’s a hostility between you two as there had been at the start, so…”

“The conclusion of this courtship is not yet in sight,” Shen Qingqiu says firmly. 

The conclusion of this courtship will never be in sight, if he gets his way!

“This disciple knows that Shizun can’t speak for Tianlang-Jun’s own stupidity,” Luo Binghe says slowly, wetting his lips in a nervous tick. “But when it comes to Shizun’s own willingness to conclude the courtship… Is Shizun waiting for something? Something that he finds necessary in a courtship, perhaps?”

It is interesting, perhaps, that Luo Binghe seems to be the one person to have realized that the courtship has not yet reached a conclusion due to both Shen Qingqiu’s and Tianlang-Jun’s resistance, rather than Tianlang-Jun’s alone. Shen Qingqiu’s martial siblings have never once asked a question similar to this, instead only focusing on what could be done to convince Tianlang-Jun more quickly.

Unfortunately, thinking to ask the question does not mean the answer will be a good one.

“If I am waiting on anything, then it must be compatibility,” Shen Qingqiu deadpans. “Though I suppose it’s looking like such a thing might never arise between Tianlang-Jun and I.”

Luo Binghe’s expression twists into something severely unpleasant, like a child who’s just tried biting into a lemon for the first time.

“This disciple is too bold to even think of saying this,” he says, “but Shizun, many medicines aren’t pleasant to take. This disciple is doing his best to coat this medicine in honey to distract from the taste, so…”

Shen Qingqiu tosses his cards on the table between them, giving up on the game. How can he focus on cards when his little white lotus is asking him to sit down and papapa like a good patient, ah?!

“Binghe is indeed too bold,” Shen Qingqiu says coldly. “This master made it very clear: the sort of cure that my condition requires is not one that can be administered against the will of either participant, or else it simply isn’t worth it.”

“I know, but -”

“And compatibility is an issue that spans both directions,” Shen Qingqiu says sharply. “Tianlang-Jun has hardly expressed an interest in bringing this courtship to a conclusion, either, even if he no longer bothers with death threats each day. Binghe is not suggesting that Tianlang-Jun’s consent in this matter is disregarded, is he?”

“No,” Luo Binghe says, with an expression that very much says ‘yes.’ 

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu says, exasperated. “I know I taught you better than this.”

He’d lectured on the topic multiple times, even! Shen Qingqiu had read an uncountable number of scenes where the protagonist of this world met a young lady struck with a fuck or die plot; he’d made quite certain that his sweet sheep would never feel pressured into helping even a single one of them unless he truly wanted to! The harem could never blossom past double digits, and Shen Qingqiu would simply rejoice in his disciple’s ability to be selective about which set of large bouncing tits he chased after!

Luo Binghe, having received his master’s rare disappointment, deflates all at once.

“This disciple knows Shizun is too kind to seek a cure for himself unless Tianlang-Jun is truly willing,” he says wretchedly. 

“It’s hardly a kindness,” Shen Qingqiu says. 

It’s indeed quite selfish of him: he merely wants to impress on this protagonist the importance of this particular lesson, due almost entirely to the immense dissatisfaction of the Peerless Cucumber who read a story about a boy who never learned such a thing. Not only that, but Shen Qingqiu truly does not want - nor does he plan on! - ever actually sleeping with a man.

Luo Binghe only nods mutely, still looking chastised. This boy…

Shen Qingqiu releases a heavy breath. In the end, Luo Binghe is only worried for him. This whole thing - Luo Binghe going behind Shen Qingqiu’s back to alert Yue Qingyuan to the cure, trying to act as a wingman when a date isn’t going well, even playing cards with Shen Qingqiu like this - all of it, Luo Binghe did because he was worried for Shen Qingqiu. 

It’s pleasing to have such a close relationship with Luo Binghe that he worries for Shen Qingqiu at all, even if Shen Qingqiu should be the one worrying after his disciple rather than the other way around.

At the same time, Shen Qingqiu sometimes wishes very much that he had the heart to scold Luo Binghe badly enough that he’d stop worrying. He’s sick and tired of everyone pushing him to go sit on Tianlang-Jun’s dick by any means necessary, and it leaves a sour taste in his mouth to have his disciple join in on it.

What can Shen Qingqiu say, though? All of this - pretending to date Tianlang-Jun, and trying to ensure Tianlang-Jun is cared for despite how much he dislikes the man, and stressing himself out over Huan Hua’s records and the history of Su Xiyan - all of it, Shen Qingqiu has done for the chance to improve Luo Binghe’s future. Out of everyone, Luo Binghe has the most right to concern himself with the process.

“...I’ve finished my snack,” Shen Qingqiu says, tired. “We can play some more another day.”

Luo Binghe’s mouth twists unhappily. 

“If Shizun wishes it,” he says, and then Shen Qingqiu is once more left alone to worry about Huan Hua and its past.

---

Today’s date is at the same semi-private pavilion that the first one had taken place at. Shen Qingqiu had recently convinced the other peak lords that Tianlang-Jun could be trusted to have his bindings redone with his hands in front of himself rather than behind his back, but they had only agreed reluctantly, and they’d insisted that Shen Qingqiu return to having his stupid fake dates back in the higher security areas for the period immediately following this change.

Shen Qingqiu, whose number one motivation for petitioning to let Tianlang-Jun have his hands rebound in front of him had been because he was sick of hearing the man try to cajole Shen Qingqiu into turning the pages of his books for him, decided that this was a fair deal.

So: the original pavilion, with the NPC peak lord that isn’t quite hiding the fact that they’re lurking behind some bushes nearby, and with the tea that Yue Qingyuan provided that doesn’t quite match Shen Qingqiu’s tastes. 

“You know, I’ve been thinking - Master Shen, are your sect siblings expecting to also be able to keep guard if you ever convince me to deliver my healing pillar to you? Does Master Shen want them to be watching in that situation? Is it how Master Shen needs things to be in order for them to be pleasurable?”

And of course, Tianlang-Jun is as irritating as ever.

“I’ve been thinking as well,” Shen Qingqiu grumbles. “Tianlang-Jun, did you listen to anything that was said when this deal was originally brokered? The idea was that you’d have gained the faith of our sect by the time so much time had passed - how have you managed to be so ill behaved that it took this many months for you to be allowed something as simple as having your arms bound in front of you rather than behind?”

“Master Shen and I share the same mystery, then,” Tianlang-Jun says solemnly. “I feel as though I’ve been very well behaved, after all.”

“Last week you refused to eat until someone brought you candied fruit.” 

Tianlang-Jun flaps his hands in dismissal. It looks utterly ridiculous with his wrists bound tightly together. 

“I would have eaten eventually,” Tianlang-Jun says.

“The week before that, you told the disciple that brought you water that you would melt her cultivation into soup,” Shen Qingqiu says dryly.

“Now that’s just not true,” Tianlang-Jun protests. “I said that I could do such a thing, and it was only after she asked if I could.”

“The week before that -”

“Alright, alright!” Tianlang-Jun cries, tipping his head back to stare up mournfully at the pavilion’s roof. “Master Shen, life as a prisoner is quite boring, can’t you have mercy?”

“If Tianlang-Jun’s current arrangements don’t seem merciful, I can arrange for his books to be taken away, so that he might remember what mercy he has been granted,” Shen Qingqiu says.

Tianlang-Jun gasps in outrage but notably does not argue a single word more on the subject. 

Shen Qingqiu snorts, but it’s a very dry sense of amusement that he feels, and it’s buried under a mountain of exhaustion and stress. 

He’d been up late the previous night sorting through some financial records Shang Qinghua had managed to procure from a trading company that does business with Huan Hua, and by the time he’d managed to drag himself into bed he’d been very strongly reminded as to why he generally let Luo Binghe handle the finances on Qing Jing. He hadn’t had to do so much math since he was a student in the modern world, ah…

No matter, though. Fake-dating time now, no numbers allowed!

Shen Qingqiu rummages around in his sleeves, pulling out a qiankun pouch of various painting supplies that he’d packed up this morning to be the focus of today’s date.

“Despite the unexpectedly long time it took for Tianlang-Jun to earn the privilege,” Shen Qingqiu says, “I figured that we might celebrate your new range of motion by painting.”

After all, going to a painting class together is a classic date idea! Shen Qingqiu would know; he saw it on at least three separate date idea lists in his past life!

…Not that he’d needed to look at such idea lists, of course. It’s just a smart move to make sure that the ideas you come up with naturally on your own aren’t on the list - it’s to ensure your date’s originality! Its memorability! The overall coolness factor!!

In the world of PIDW, though, a normal date is probably one where you go look at sex pollen flowers together or something, so stealing ideas from his old world is perfectly fine here.

“I do rather enjoy the arts,” Tianlang-Jun admits, as if he’s being cajoled into it. 

“Please refrain from painting anything profane,” Shen Qingqiu warns as he sets up supplies on the table for the three of them. “And Binghe, don’t let your eyes wander over to whatever Tianlang-Jun has painted until this master has said it’s fine.”

“Little Binghe,” Tianlang-Jun mock-whispers, “blink twice if Master Shen has kept you so sheltered that you need me to paint you a map to where a woman’s most pleasurable spots are.”

“All Qing Jing disciples receive adequate education to address matters of maturity,” Luo Binghe answers stiffly, not blinking once. 

“Neither of you are any fun,” Tianlang-Jun sighs. “Truthfully, I was going to paint a beautiful scene from my imagination where all you cultivators were missing your heads, but if Master Shen is thinking so strongly about what sorts of erotica I might paint instead -”

“Perhaps Tianlang-Jun might paint something from the demon realm,” Shen Qingqiu suggests, cutting off whatever drivel Tianlang-Jun had been about to suggest. 

“If Master Shen remembers, it’s been nearly two decades since I’ve seen the demon realm,” Tianlang-Jun says, his smile turning sharp. “If you wish for me to paint it well, then perhaps you should allow me to visit it?”

Mister Binghe’s Dad, please trust this poor transmigrator - I’d really love nothing more than to send you off on your way instead of having to babysit you like this, ah!!

“If you paint me something from the demon realm, I’ll illustrate a scene from that terrible book you’ve reread three times in the last week,” Shen Qingqiu offers. 

“You know,” Tianlang-Jun says, “I think I’ve just had a vision. My memories are rushing back - I can see the demon realm so clearly, Master Shen, I really ought to paint some of these scenes to remember them for later…”

Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes and tunes out Tianlang-Juns rambling, settling in to paint for however long it takes for Tianlang-Jun to lose interest in the activity. 

The weather has turned cold in recent months, and although Shen Qingqiu himself doesn’t feel the chill so long as his cultivation isn’t blocked, the colder temperature messes with the consistency of his paints somewhat. The easy solution would be to slap a warming talisman on the paint bowls themselves, but then the paint that seeps into the brushes would still turn thick from the cold over time, so the only real way to ensure everything is as it should be is to constantly run a small amount of warming qi through the brush itself. This isn’t that unusual of a technique - after all, spiritual paintings are a whole branch of arts taught on Qing Jing - but it is quite tiring to keep up with over long periods of time.

In other words: Shen Qingqiu had very gleefully chosen painting as today’s outdoor date activity knowing that he’d have a good excuse to be tired and want to end the courtship meeting sooner than usual!

Unfortunately, Shen Qingqiu had developed this ‘get tired on purpose’ plan before staying up so late last night, and without considering the long term stress he’s been under. Adding in the drain of energy it takes to maintain a spiritual painting technique… Shen Qingqiu manages to make it a mere seven strokes into his painting before he finds that he has to stifle a yawn. 

Luo Binghe, ever attuned to his master’s most subtle of expressions, perks up like a dog offered a treat.

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe says quietly, scooting his chair a bit closer to Shen Qingqiu’s. “This disciple is still new to having a cultivation high enough that it can fend off the cold, and didn’t think when getting dressed this morning - now I’m feeling a bit too warm, bundled up with both thick clothes and spiritual energy.”

Shen Qingqiu looks up from his paints to assess Luo Binghe’s outfit. Despite his claims, Luo Binghe had actually gotten used to fending off the cold with his cultivation a full year earlier than most disciples do, and ever since then he’s been strutting about in his summer robes no matter the weather, clearly pleased to show off his cultivation progress in such a small way.

Taking in Luo Binghe’s outfit now… Indeed, it doesn’t look much warmer than how Luo Binghe dresses in the summer months.

“Oh really,” Shen Qingqiu says dryly. 

“Really,” Luo Binghe says earnestly. “So, if this disciple could trouble Shizun, perhaps I might feel better if I transferred some of my spiritual energy to you -”

Shen Qingqiu flicks his paintbrush so that a spot of dark ink lands perfectly on Luo Binghe’s nose, and then has to quickly look away before the sight of Luo Binghe going cross-eyed makes him laugh.

Honestly, though - this rotten disciple’s excuses to fuss over Shen Qingqiu have only grown thinner the older he’s gotten! 

“Binghe should mind himself,” Shen Qingqiu says sternly, returning to his painting. 

“How can Shizun scold me like this - aren’t I asking for Shizun to mind me?”

“Perhaps Binghe ought to mind the situation he’s in,” Shen Qingqiu grumbles. 

Not that Luo Binghe hasn’t done far more embarrassing things in front of Tianlang-Jun, but Shen Qingqiu would still rather not be seen to be coddled by his disciple by others!

Luo Binghe seems to consider this advice for a moment before nodding once. 

“Shizun’s advice is as wise as ever,” he says, before leaning in to rearrange Shen Qingqiu’s supplies. 

“...Is messing with your master’s things a new form of filial piety?” Shen Qingqiu asks flatly, watching Luo Binghe drag Shen Qingqiu’s canvas over from where he’d had it.

“This disciple is only following Shizun’s advice,” Luo Binghe says, “and minding the situation that Shizun is in.”

…Shen Qingqiu glances across the table at Tianlang-Jun. With his canvas moved to the side as Luo Binghe had placed it, Tianlang-Jun and Shen Qingqiu now have a clear, unobstructed view of each other. 

Tianlang-Jun, who had been casually watching the exchange between master and disciple, waves at Shen Qingqiu. With his hands still bound together, the motion carries through to the hand Tianlang-Jun is using to hold his paintbrush, causing paint to splatter across the table in a careless streak.

“Indeed,” Shen Qingqiu says through gritted teeth. 

Inwardly, Shen Qingqiu makes a note to send Luo Binghe off to assist the Beast Peak with cleaning the spiritual beasts’ stables tomorrow as punishment for his meddling. 

Luo Binghe, clearly aware that Shen Qingqiu’s mood isn’t one that will be tolerating this nonsense without punishment today, looks at Shen Qingqiu with wide, aren’t-I-a-helpful-disciple-who-cares-so-much-about-your-health eyes.

Shen Qingqiu stubbornly looks away. Enjoy shoveling shit in the cold tomorrow, protagonist!

“The taste of dogfood is really quite rich,” Tianlang-Jun mutters. 

Shen Qingqiu’s eye twitches. What dogfood!! Tianlang-Jun, if you knew how to serve dogfood, then it wouldn’t be nearly so hard for Shen Qingqiu to convince his martial siblings that the courtship is progressing well!!

“I’m sure Cang Qiong would be able to afford to serve Tianlang-Jun leftover meat scraps and bones if he finds a mutt’s diet so enriching,” Shen Qingqiu snaps. 

“No need,” Tianlang-Jun says cheerily. “Although the meal may be rich, the people serving it don’t meet my tastes.”

“What a shame,” Shen Qingqiu says dryly, and then - frustratingly - has to stifle another yawn.

Luo Binghe scoots closer once more. “Shizun -”

Shen Qingqiu makes a motion as if to pull his canvas back in place to block his view of Tianlang-Jun. Luo Binghe quiets down with nothing short of a sulk.

Utterly ridiculous. 

Of course, the only thing more ridiculous than the son is the father, so the silence between the three of them barely lasts another minute.

“Hm,” Tianlang-Jun says, considering his painting with an expression serious enough that Shen Qingqiu knows he’s up to know good. “Master Shen, I’m truly doing my best to capture the beauty of the demonic lands for you, but…”

“This master is aware Tianlang-Jun isn’t classically trained,” Shen Qingqiu sniffs. “I won’t be grading you too harshly.”

“How cruel! It isn’t an issue with my own skill, Master Shen!”

“Shizun was only trying to be kind,” Luo Binghe lies, smiling encouragingly at Tianlang-Jun.

“The real problem,” Tianlang-Jun says, “is that I can’t imbue this painting with the essence of the demonic realms without using the traditional demonic painting technique known as ‘having both your hands free and unrestrained!’”

Shen Qingqiu turns to stare flatly at Luo Binghe. “Shall I continue to be kind to him, then, and let him out of his bonds?”

Luo Binghe’s smile grows tight, and Shen Qingqiu huffs. Typical. 

Then, despite himself, Shen Qingqiu asks Tianlang-Jun, “Do demons actually have particular painting techniques?”

“Master Shen only ever grows truly interested in me when he’s learning something he can write up in a history book later,” Tianlang-Jun sighs.

…Shen Qingqiu looks away. It isn’t his fault, it isn’t his fault - unlike when Shen Qingqiu had been Peerless Cucumber, butting his nose into demonic lore is his job now! Kinda!!

Whatever, whatever. If Tianlang-Jun is already so bored of painting that he just wants to dig at Shen Qingqiu’s very reasonable hobbies, then Shen Qingqiu can work with this, too.

After all, Shen Qingqiu’s Triple-D Date Plan (distract, disregard, disengage) for handling Tianlang-Jun is only a high level overview of the advanced techniques Shen Qingqiu had developed for making it through these dates. Hidden somewhere in that outline is a very important sub-point: if Shen Qingqiu must talk to Tianlang-Jun, he should at least make an effort to ensure that the conversation is one that might help endear Luo Binghe to Tianlang-Jun.

If the disciple is focused on selling off his master, then the master must also focus on selling off his disciple!

“If Tianlang-Jun requires a wider range of motion for the painting technique he wishes to use,” Shen Qingqiu says, “then perhaps he might make use of Binghe? A second set of hands might not be the same as having full control of your own, but this master can personally guarantee that Binghe’s hands are especially talented.”

To Shen Qingqiu’s side, Luo Binghe devolves into a sudden coughing fit. Tianlang-Jun wordlessly raises both eyebrows. 

“Don’t be modest,” Shen Qingqiu scolds Luo Binghe. Then, turning back to Tianlang-Jun, “Binghe has been the top disciple in all his painting classes for years now. He’d surely be able to help.”

“Ah,” Tianlang-Jun says. “Unfortunately, demonic tradition requires that the technique be carried out with our own hands alone. Master Shen can put that in his history book, if he likes. It’s sure to be a hit with anyone who likes learning made up things.”

Shen Qingqiu huffs. “It wouldn’t hurt you to just play along,” he says.

“Trust me, Master Shen, I’m playing along quite well, given the constraints of this role.”

“You and Binghe could -”

“I don’t want him near me,” Tianlang-Jun cuts in, voice suddenly quite cold. 

Shen Qingqiu blinks, taken off guard by the change in tone. How could this be the same person who had been joking about drawing Luo Binghe some instructional pornography just a few minutes ago?

Tianlang-Jun watches Shen Qingqiu closely for a moment, then flicks his gaze to Luo Binghe, and then back to Shen Qingqiu. Then, all at once, he relaxes, his expression once more relaxed and jovial.

“Ah, Master Shen, Little Binghe, you’re both too easy to spook!” He says. “I only meant that I don’t want to catch your cultivator cooties. How could I allow a goody-two-shoes little cultivator to get so close to me that they could help me paint? I’d be sure to catch something!”

Shen Qingqiu regards Tianlang-Jun carefully for a moment before relaxing a bit himself. 

“Don’t speak nonsense,” he says. “It’s me who has to worry about my prized disciple catching something from you - Tianlang-Jun should know that I’ll be blaming him for any bad habits my normally well-behaved disciple picks up in the future.”

“Master Shen, I’d complained in the past, but I’ve reconsidered: actually, your boring takes on how a courtship should go are truly more tolerable than listening to you praise your disciple with every other word.”

Shen Qingqiu frowns. Fine - back to (not) enjoying each other’s company in silence, then. 

…Which is fine. 

…The silence is very nice, in fact, considering the mild headache Shen Qingqiu is fighting from his lack of sleep.

…Ugh, Shen Qingqiu is so sick of these dates, and of having to be worried about what everyone is thinking of each other, and all the other things that have been keeping him up and busy at night! 

He consoles himself by saying that he can use these fake dates to get Luo Binghe and Tianlang-Jun to soften up on one other through group activities, but that clearly isn’t the case!

The more that Shen Qingqiu thinks about it, the less reason he can find to bother with Tianlang-Jun at all until he can sort out all the stuff with the Huan Hua Palace Master. Tianlang-Jun’s resentment clearly won’t just suddenly go away just because Shen Qingqiu is showing off what a good boy Luo Binghe is. Until Tianlang-Jun understands that he shouldn’t needlessly bear a grudge against Su Xiayn’s bloodline, these courtship meetings are only going to make everyone frustrated and bored and make it more difficult to get Tianlang-Jun to step up as Luo Binghe’s father in the long run!

Shen Qingqiu jabs his brush at his canvas with an especially vicious set of strokes. Maybe he should just get up and leave, then. He’s already almost yawned twice, and Luo Binghe was ready to act on his master’s exhaustion from the first sign Shen Qingqiu was even a little bit tired. Isn’t that excuse enough? He should just leave, and go back to reading those stupid financial records from the merchant, and - 

“My, Master Shen is in quite the mood today, isn’t he!” Tianlang-Jun says pleasantly. 

Indeed - and half the reason is because your mood is so unpredictable! Are you unhappy to be here or not, ah!!

“It appears that I might not be fit for company today after all,” Shen Qingqiu admits, setting his paintbrush down pointedly. 

“Not at all,” Tianlang-Jun says. “A little violent fury is really quite refreshing, actually.”

“Unfortunately, this master does not find it quite so enjoyable.”

Tianlang-Jun shrugs but doesn't protest further, which isn’t so surprising. He never protests when their dates come to an end. The demon’s grudges truly have never wavered once: no matter how much he clearly enjoys riling Shen Qingqiu up, he’d still prefer to rot in a cave than spend more time around a cultivator than he has to.

Shen Qingqiu’s brow furrows. He… really hopes that Tianlang-Jun won’t reject the part of Luo Binghe that is a righteous cultivator, when things are said and done. 

Knowing the truth of what happened with Su Xiyan will surely remove the wall between father and son that is preventing them from bonding, but it isn’t certain that it will remove Tianlang-Jun’s grudge against cultivators as a whole - only his grudge against Su Xiyan’s bloodline specifically. If that caused Tianlang-Jun to ban Luo Binghe from using his spiritual cultivation…

Not that late-game Luo Binghe ever needed his cultivation, really - not with the all powerful abilities of his demonic heritage - but he still used it from time to time. And this Luo Binghe is even more of a cultivator than the original ever had been; Shen Qingqiu hasn’t spared any effort in helping his little sheep shine! 

Shen Qingqiu sighs and settles back into his seat. In the end, it really is important that he tackles this whole Huan Hua and Su Xiyan business quickly, so that there’s time for Tianlang-Jun to grow fond of Luo Binghe as a white lotus cultivator and not just a blackened demon. 

And if it must happen fast…

…then in the end, Shen Qingqiu isn’t able to avoid the fact that Tianlang-Jun is the person most likely to know something that could be used to imply the Palace Master’s guilt. He can’t expect Tianlang-Jun to help in earnest, but if Shen Qingqiu lets him rant a bit about his distaste for Huan Hua, perhaps some useful information might slip through…?

“If Tianlang-Jun truly doesn’t mind my poor mood,” Shen Qingqiu says slowly, “then perhaps he’d like to hear about it?”

Tianlang-Jun shrugs. “Yes, yes - ‘talking about your feelings’ is one of those cute little nothings that Master Shen finds important in relationships, isn’t it?”

Shen Qingqiu, who in fact dislikes little more than talking about his feelings, nods. “Indeed. Tianlang-Jun is kind to indulge in it.”

Tianlang-Jun doesn’t bother to reply, so Shen Qingqiu can only steel himself and push forward.

“Recently,” Shen Qingqiu says carefully, “I’ve grown concerned with Cang Qiong’s alliance with Huan Hua.”

At the mention of the gilded sect, Tianlang-Jun’s hands twitch, and his smile turns sharp.

“If Master Shen turns the major cultivation sects against each other and lets them tear each other apart,” he says, “I’d find that to be quite the courting gift.”

“Tianlang-Jun will find himself disappointed; my concern lies only with an individual within Huan Hua, not the sect as a whole.”

“Then Master Shen isn’t actually as righteous or clever as he makes himself out to be,” Tianlang-Jun says with mock cheer. 

Beside Shen Qingqiu, Luo Binghe shifts his own canvas so that Tianlang-Jun won’t be able to see his sour expression. Shen Qingqiu wishes very badly that he could do the same.

One day, Shen Qingqiu thinks, I am going to snap from being made to play nice with someone who can’t even think of creative insults. If you’re going to insult me, at least do it in an interesting way!

Aloud he says, “If it’s easier for Tianlang-Jun to think as such.”

“Much,” Tianlang-Jun agrees.

“Then, perhaps Tianlang-Jun might be willing to assist me where my cleverness might be lacking. After all, Tianlang-Jun was familiar with Huan Hua during a period in which I never was, and -”

“Wasn’t Master Shen feeling a bit under the weather?” Tianlang-Jun interrupts sharply. “Perhaps we should end today’s meeting early afterall.”

Shen Qingqiu frowns. “I was only wondering -”

“I will not speak of this,” Tianlang-Jun says, and once more his ever-present smile vanishes, replaced by a cold expression. 

Shen Qingqiu, who had only just a moment ago been exposed to this coldness only to have it brushed aside with a joke about ‘cultivator cooties,’ perhaps doesn’t take this as seriously as he should.

“Will you pick a mood and stick to it at least, then?” Shen Qingqiu snaps.

Tianlang-Jun’s smile returns, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “If Master Shen is mean to me like this, I can be persuaded to enjoy it!”

Shen Qingqiu scowls. He really… can’t tell if Tianlang-Jun is actually upset or not!!

“My concern with Huan Hua,” Shen Qingqiu says carefully, testing the waters, “is not unrelated to Tianlang-Jun.”

“Come now, aren’t you supposed to be the Cang Qiong Lord who specializes in being a bit booksmart? Surely you can find a way to make it unrelated to me.”

Beside Shen Qingqiu, Luo Binghe shifts. He hasn’t relaxed at all since Tianlang-Jun had first gone cold a few minutes ago.

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe says, voice hushed, his brows furrowed in concern. “Tianlang-Jun has been separated from news for nearly the last two decades. Perhaps he doesn’t know anything useful…”

“As the boy says. Perhaps Master Shen really ought to retire early after all, if he can’t remember such important details about his guest,” Tianlang-Jun says. “Master Shen wouldn’t want to continue this courtship without getting his beauty rest, hm?”

“I find it hard to believe that any amount of sleep will transform my appearance into one that Tianlang-Jun finds appealing,” Shen Qingqiu says dryly. 

“Ah, don’t take it to heart, Master Shen - it’s your personality that I dislike, not your looks!”

“Then perhaps the gap between us might be able to be bridged if you took the time to air out your complaints,” Shen Qingqiu offers. “Sharing complaints with one another can be considered a way to strengthen a relationship, can’t it?”

Especially if we are both commiserating about the ugly doings of the Huan Hua Palace Master, Shen Qingqiu thinks. Nothing like bitching about someone we both dislike to bring us closer together!

Tianlang-Jun turns to look at Luo Binghe. “Little Binghe, you heard your master - you won’t suddenly attack me if I complain about him in earnest, right? He gave his permission for me to air my grievances about his personality!”

Shen Qingqiu clears his throat awkwardly. “Well, that is, I had actually been hoping that we might bond over shared grievances. For example, about Huan Hua -”

Tianlang-Jun sighs so loudly that it cuts Shen Qingqiu off completely.

“My first complaint,” Tianlang-Jun says, “is that Master Shen really doesn’t know when to let a topic die!”

“Isn’t Huan Hua the sect that Tianlang-Jun dislikes the most?” Shen Qingqiu tries. “I figured you might enjoy getting the chance to complain about it to someone, for once.”

“Right now, I find myself disliking Cang Qiong even more.”

Shen Qingqiu blinks, taken aback. Even Luo Binghe seems a bit surprised. 

“...Apologies,” Shen Qingqiu says. “As Tianlang-Jun said, my cleverness is lacking - I’m not sure how we’ve managed to offend Tianlang-Jun to the point where our treatment of you seems worse than Huan Hua’s.”

“Not worse,” Tianlang-Jun says. “Rather, it’s exactly the same, and so I quite naturally hate you most since you’re the one in front of me.”

Luo Binghe sets his own paint brush aside now, fully tuned in to Shen Qingqiu’s conversation with Tianlang-Jun. 

“Tianlang-Jun, please understand: Shizun is truly fighting quite hard to improve Tianlang-Jun’s circumstances,” he says. “If you hate the rest of Cang Qiong, this disciple won’t dare to complain, but towards Shizun -”

“Towards your Shizun, I find myself overcome with hatred indeed,” Tianlang-Jun says. “Be quiet now, boy.”

Shen Qingqiu frowns. “Binghe means no disrespect -”

With a loud crack, the brush in Tianlang-Jun’s hand snaps.

“Master Shen,” Tianlang-Jun says sharply, “Do not make me repeat myself. You and Huan Hua - you’re exactly the same, and I will not fall for the same trap twice.”

“How could we be trapping you?” Shen Qingqiu asks, baffled. “Aren’t you already trapped?”

“Indeed, I’m still just as imprisoned as I was at Huan Hua, even if the mountain on my back was replaced with ropes and seals,” Tianlang-Jun agrees. “In fact, this current prison is worse, since I must suffer the indignity of being taken out on a leash once a week only to be expected to play nicely with a cultivator that treats me like a toddler who needs amusing.”

Shen Qingqiu blanches. He’d… admittedly not realized that it had been so obvious to Tianlang-Jun that Shen Qingqiu had been treating him like an untrained child.

“I - if Tianlang-Jun’s binding ropes are irritating, then he must only work with us a bit, and we will remove them -”

“But what I hate the most,” Tianlang-Jun swears, “is that you really think I’ll fall for the same trick twice.”

“It isn’t a trick,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Cang Qiong really will grant you some freedoms if you -”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Tianlang-Jun snorts. “But it isn’t Cang Qiong that I’m wary of, Master Shen.”

The air around Tianlang-Jun grows cold and dangerous, and his eyes burn a bright, horrible red. Shen Qingqiu had been right to doubt if the displeased mood Tianlang-Jun had displayed earlier had been real or not; whatever that had been, it pales in comparison to the pure disgust that drips from Tianlang-Jun’s expression now.

“Cang Qiong,” Tianlang-Jun says slowly, “are not the ones that dare to parade that damned boy in front of me, knowing exactly who he is.”

Shen Qingqiu goes stiff. Shit. This is - he needs to stop this -

“Cang Qiong,” Tianlang-Jun says, “are not the ones that have a cute little act going, letting the boy pretend to be the good one, the reasonable one, the one currying favor with me.”

“Binghe is just - he isn’t acting on anyone’s orders -”

“Cang Qiong,” Tianlang-Jun snarls, “are not the ones trying to convince me that I should like that boy - they are not the ones that believe that I might really fall for the same bait twice!”

Shen Qingqiu falls silent, stunned. 

Had it - had it really looked like that to Tianlang-Jun? 

Like Shen Qingqiu was trying to use Luo Binghe as bait to get Tianlang-Jun to behave, the same way that the Huan Hua Palace Master had apparently tried to use Su Xiyan as bait in the past?

He hadn’t meant it in quite that same way - he’d wanted Luo Binghe and Tianlang-Jun to get along, sure, but it wasn’t to trick them for any reason. He only wanted to offer Luo Binghe the chance to have a father who would care for him, and - and fine, he wanted to save his own ass, too, so what?! Isn’t that normal? Isn’t it even more normal, when you consider that this particular method of saving his own life involves saving several others? 

Well, alright, perhaps not literally saving Luo Binghe’s or Tianlang-Jun’s lives, but metaphorically! Saving the white sheep bits of his disciple, and improving Tianlang-Jun’s life from the unthinkable reality of being trapped under a mountain until he died of old age - that’s basically saving their lives! Shen Qingqiu is justified here, he really is!!

“I didn’t mean -”

“Didn’t you?” Tianlang-Jun snaps, cutting Shen Qingqiu off before he can begin to justify himself. “Isn’t it Master Shen who insisted on that boy’s presence, and who seemed to care more about that than any other part of this foolish courtship?”

Shen Qingqiu’s mouth hangs open stupidly for a moment. How can he even begin to refute that? He had been the one to insist Luo Binghe be a part of this, and he had done it because he knew Luo Binghe was Tianlang-Jun’s son.

…Fine, then. If there’s no way out, then the only way forward is to double down.

“Tianlang-Jun doesn’t have the full picture,” Shen Qingqiu says. “There was a misunderstanding in the past, and Tianlang-Jun suffered for it. Right now, I’m only trying to help you by rectifying it.”

“Misunderstand a sword up your ass,” Tianlang-Jun sneers. “Master Shen is the one who doesn’t know what he’s daring to talk about.”

“Tianlang-Jun, please listen for a moment -”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe calls plaintively, his voice hushed. He’s risen from his chair now, his body angled towards Tianlang-Jun in a way that looks almost defensive. “Shizun, this disciple thinks it might be time to leave.”

Shen Qingqiu takes an uneasy breath in, forced to take a moment to think by Luo Binghe’s interruption. If he leaves now…

If he leaves now, the tenuous peace between Tianlang-Jun and himself - and more importantly, between Tianlang-Jun and Luo Binghe - will not be repaired. 

Not only would it spell a failure for his plan to foster a bond between Luo Binghe and his father, but it would likely mean an end to this subquest. If the Abyss were to rear its ugly head now, when Shen Qingqiu still hasn’t managed to ensure that Luo Binghe has someone who will look after him when Shen Qingqiu can’t…

Shen Qingqiu squares his shoulders, resolved. He can still fix this.

“Binghe can head back home,” he says. “This master will speak with Tianlang-Jun a bit more.”

“I don’t believe I care to hear you any longer, though,” Tianlang-Jun says with mock-sweetness. 

“Shizun, please -”

“Now, Binghe.”

Luo Binghe casts another glance between Shen Qingqiu and Tianlang-Jun, and then - damn this foolish boy, and damn the way Shen Qingqiu has indulged him over the years! - firmly positions himself between Shen Qingqiu and Tianlang-Jun. With Shen Qingqiu still seated, this means that Luo Binghe is putting himself between Shen Qingqiu and the table and blocking Shen Qingqiu’s view of Tianlang-Jun.

The line of Luo Binghe’s back is stiff, and his hands are balled into tight fists at his sides. 

“Tianlang-Jun,” Luo Binghe says, his voice firm. “If my presence causes a strain between yourself and my Shizun, then I will not attend any further meetings between the two of you.”

“Binghe, I said go home,” Shen Qingqiu stresses, quickly standing and trying to push Luo Binghe out of the way.

“Your presence makes me sick,” Tianlang-Jun agrees, ignoring Shen Qingqiu entirely. “And if you’re going to leave because I wish you to, then instead, I wish for you to leave this world entirely.”

“That’s enough!” Shen Qingqiu snaps. “What is wrong with you two? I only wished for you two to get along!”

“Master Shen can kindly go choke and die,” Tianlang-Jun says, a mockery of the pleasant way he’s so often said ugly things. 

Under Shen Qingqiu’s hands, Luo Binghe’s shoulders stiffen. Shen Qingqiu feels a sudden rush of foreboding; Luo Binghe has tolerated much from Tianlang-Jun, but this is the first time that Luo Binghe has heard Tianlang-Jun so directly threaten Shen Qingqiu’s life.

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu warns, “leave it.”

Predictably, Luo Binghe ignores him.

“Begging Tianlang-Jun to reconsider,” Luo Binghe says, and although the words are still those of a plaintive disciple trying to get their master’s date to consider them, his tone has shifted into something low and dangerous. “This disciple will truly leave, but Shizun has not instructed me to act in any way, and has in fact been against some of my involvement, so whatever conspiracy Tianlang-Jun believes is happening -”

“I said,” Tianlang-Jun says, each word punctuated with clear purpose, “that Master Shen should go choke and die.”

And, well - no matter how good Luo Binghe is, he is not a protagonist known for never giving up.

Rather, he’s known as a protagonist clever enough to know when the right time is to abandon a plan and simply take what he wants by force, instead.

“Fine, then - Tianlang-Jun can see himself reduced to the one part of him we need,” Luo Binghe snaps, drawing his sword. “Shizun’s kindness has been wasted on you, but I will not allow it to be for nothing.”

The next several seconds seem to happen in slow motion. Before he’s even finished talking, Luo Binghe is launching himself over the table at Tianlang-Jun, Zheng Yang ringing with spiritual energy as Luo Binghe swings it in a wide arc. The path of it is unmistakable: Luo Binghe clearly intends to cut Tianlang-Jun down from the waist, leaving the demon’s dantian (and his magical healing dick, Shen Qingqiu thinks a bit hysterically) intact. 

At the same moment, Tianlang-Jun moves, too: he’d never let go of the broken shards of his paintbrush, and now he slams the sharp end of it into his thigh before yanking it out again quickly. Rather than holding it out in defense, he lashes out with it, and the quick motion of it flings his own blood off of the wooden shard and towards Luo Binghe.

Shen Qingqiu, already in motion with the intent of grabbing Luo Binghe by the back of his robes and yanking him backwards, sees the glint of the blood in the air and panics.

Proud Immortal Demon Way had never discussed what might happen if a Heavenly Demon was affected by the blood of one of their own kind. If Tianlang-Jun’s blood were to land in Luo Binghe’s mouth, or his eye, or even simply on his clothing in a place Luo Binghe didn’t see and then sometime in the future Luo Binghe were to wear that same robe while eating - if Tianlang-Jun’s blood were to enter Luo Binghe in any way, what would happen?

Would it have an effect, despite being only a drop in the ocean of Luo Binghe’s own blood? Would it override Luo Binghe’s own abilities before he can even awaken them, Luo Binghe’s blood recognizing Tianlang-Jun’s as its progenitor? 

Would it prevent Luo Binghe from surviving the Abyss?

Pulling Luo Binghe backwards isn’t good enough. The blood would still move forwards towards him, even if it had less of a chance of landing on Luo Binghe’s face like Tianlang-Jun had clearly aimed for. Shen Qingqiu cannot afford to take chances, not with Luo Binghe’s safety being pitted against what might be the only thing in this world that could affect him.

And so: Luo Binghe leaps forward, and Tianlang-Jun lashes out with his own blood, and Shen Qingqiu - panicked and irritated and still exhausted from last night and all the months before it - grabs Luo Binghe by the back of his robes and tugs him backwards in the same moment that he himself lunges forwards.

It’s enough: Tianlang-Jun’s blood doesn’t reach Luo Binghe.

Instead, Luo Binghe’s sword slices through Shen Qingqiu’s robes and knicks Shen Qingqiu’s arm, and Tianlang-Jun’s blood - which Shen Qingqiu is now firmly in the way of - splatters across the robes of that very same arm.

“Fuck!” Shen Qingqiu swears. 

He tosses Luo Binghe to the side away from Tianlang-Jun and quickly starts stripping off his outer layers. The blood seeped through his outer robe, and he swears again before moving to take off his next layer, too.

“Shizun!” Luo Binghe cries, having recovered from being tossed around. “This disciple - I didn’t mean to hurt Shizun -”

“Stay back, Binghe!” Shen Qingqiu snaps, and Luo Binghe jolts at the harsh tone of his voice. 

Before Shen Qingqiu can say anything else, though, the NPC peak lord that had been hanging around the perimeter of the pavilion finally makes his grand - if extraordinarily late - entrance.

“Shen-Shixiong? Is everything alright?” His eyes dart from the upturned table and discarded painting supplies, to the way Tianlang-Jun is sneering at them all with blood still dripping from his hand and thigh, to the way Shen Qingqiu is still actively stripping down.

The more he looks, the more panicked he gets, his hand flying to the hilt of his sword, but he doesn’t act without Shen Qingqiu’s instruction. 

After the first several fake-dates had caused the on-guard peak lord to have to listen to Tianlang-Jun’s profanities, Shen Qingqiu had managed to convince Yue Qingyuan that a modified privacy talisman would be a welcome addition to the wards set up on any courtship site used. Nothing that would block sound entirely of course, so that the guard could still come to Shen Qingqiu’s assistance if necessary, but something that would distort the shape of the sounds themselves. In effect, the guardian peak lord would be able to hear volume and general tone, but not understand the words said. 

Now, this poor NPC peak lord is clearly regretting having missed out on so much context. Shen Qingqiu lights a candle for the guy in his heart; indeed, when Yue Qingyuan demands to know what happened, he won’t be pleased to hear that the modified privacy talisman he allowed meant that the peak lord on guard duty today didn’t show up until after the action.

“Wu-Shidi,” Shen Qingqiu greets stiffly, still pulling off yet another layer of his robes. Fuck, fuck, fuck, just how much blood did Tianlang-Jun fling at them for it to have soaked through so many fine layers of fabric!? “This Shixiong kindly requests that Wu-Shidi fetch Mu-Shidi and Liu-Shidi.”

“Tianlang-Jun -”

“I’ll watch him,” Shen Qingqiu says. 

He won’t be able to really ascertain whether he’s been compromised until Mu Qingfang shows up to examine him, and even then it’s a toss up as to whether Tianlang-Jun’s blood would even be detectable in a standard examination of Shen Qingqiu’s physical or spiritual health.

In the meantime, though, it’s best to limit who’s around Tianlang-Jun’s blood to those who have already been potentially exposed. When Mu Qingfang arrives, he can contain Tianlang-Jun’s wound with medicinal blood flow techniques, and then Liu Qingge will be able to safely guide the demon back to his cell without being put at risk as well. Until then, this NPC peak lord is only putting himself at risk by hanging around Tianlang-Jun and his blood.

The other peak lord hesitates, though, his eyes flicking back and forth between Shen Qingqiu’s increasingly indecent state and the demon that he’s theoretically courting, and Shen Qingqiu nearly blows a gasket.

“Now, Wu-Shidi,” he snaps, and finally the man scrambles to obey.

“How bold of Master Shen,” Tianlang-Jun sneers. “Perhaps this was an elaborate ploy to create some alone time with me, with the way you’re disrobing yourself so shamelessly after sending off one of your chaperones?”

“Tianlang-Jun knows well the dangers of his own blood, considering the way he just used it as a weapon,” Shen Qingqiu says, voice hard. 

He’s down to his last layer now. It’s just as bloodied as his outermost robe had been, but he can’t be sure if any of it is Tianlang-Jun’s blood or if it’s all Shen Qingqiu’s own blood from where Luo Binghe’s blade had cut him. 

Whether it’s good enough or not, though, Shen Qingqiu can’t discard this final layer exposing himself completely. He can only settle for this, praying that getting away from the majority of Tianlang-Jun’s blood would be enough, and set his discarded robes ablaze with a flare of his spiritual qi. 

“Indeed, I know the dangers,” Tianlang-Jun agrees, his lip curled as he watches Shen Qingqiu’s abandoned robes go up in flames. “And these dangers have truly laid Master Shen’s motivations bare: your disciple was intending to draw far more of my blood than I managed to summon by my own hand, and yet you haven’t bothered to scold him once. As I thought, Master Shen truly considers his disciple and I to be on different sides, no matter what he claims about ‘misunderstandings’ of the past.”

“Luo Binghe’s punishment,” Shen Qingqiu says cooly, sending a withering glare towards his own disciple, “isn’t any of Tianlang-Jun’s business.”

“Isn’t it?” Tianlang-Jun says, mockingly. “Hasn’t Master Shen tried so very hard to make it my business?”

Shen Qingqiu draws himself up, furious. 

“That,” he hisses, “was a mistake.”

And shockingly, despite how damn hard Shen Qingqiu has worked to involve Tianlang-Jun in Luo Binghe’s life, he finds that he truly means it. There is no doubt in his mind that his motivations from just five minutes ago were incorrect. 

Shen Qingqiu had wanted to provide Luo Binghe with a father who could care for him. He wanted to give Luo Binghe the chance to have someone he could turn to for protection or guidance when Shen Qingqiu could no longer fulfill that role for him. Even if it was a difficult path towards father-son bonding for the two of them, Shen Qingqiu had earnestly believed that no person could resist loving Luo Binghe, if only they understood that they had a chance to.

Instead, it seems as if Shen Qingqiu has only brought another threat into Luo Binghe’s life. 

“That was… it was truly a mistake,” Shen Qingqiu says again, softer this time, truly regretful. 

He shouldn’t have allowed Luo Binghe to invest so much of his own emotional energy into Shen Qingqiu’s Without-a-Cure ailment. He shouldn’t have allowed Luo Binghe to involve himself in his master’s courtship, regardless of how real or fake it was. He shouldn’t have brushed off Luo Binghe’s increasing concerns about it, or so blindly believed that everything would work out if Shen Qingqiu could magically solve the misunderstandings that had resulted in Tianlang-Jun outright waging a war in the past.

He doesn’t regret having delayed the Endless Abyss plotline and allowing Luo Binghe these precious additional months of his discipleship, but he cannot deny that he is the one who directly put Luo Binghe in danger today. 

“Tianlang-Jun can consider this courtship between us over,” Shen Qingqiu says, gathering himself to his full height.

In his peripheral vision, Shen Qingqiu sees Luo Binghe stiffen and scramble to his feet. 

“Shizun - wait, I - this disciple won’t intrude further -”

“Even if you don’t,” Shen Qingqiu says, “it won't make a difference. Tianlang-Jun and I simply have irreconcilable differences.”

I will not tolerate someone who lashes out at Binghe, he thinks fiercely. I will not get along with someone who so violently tosses aside the privilege of being Binghe’s father.

“Indeed,” Tianlang-Jun says, his expression dark. “You righteous cultivators are all the same.”

“And you,” Shen Qingqiu says, turning on Tianlang-Jun, “are a child that looks only for their own mistreatment without seeing what might be happening to others. Perhaps if you did not look for betrayal or trickery so eagerly, you would stop finding it in places it does not exist.”

Tianlang-Jun’s sneer falters for a moment, and Shen Qingqiu feels a rush of vindication. The uncertainty in the demon’s face is gone the next moment, though, replaced with fury as he lashes out once more. This time, with more distance between Shen Qingqiu and himself, he launches the broken shards of his paintbrush at Shen Qingqiu like a dart, the movement causing him to trip over the binds keeping his legs tied to his chair and fall to the ground.

Shen Qingqiu, no longer panicked, casually bats the wooden shards out of the air and harmlessly down to the ground with a wave of his spiritual energy. Tianlang-Jun, sprawled on the ground with the chair he’s bound to tipped over beside him, bares his teeth at Shen Qingqiu.

“Master Shen really ought to watch me carefully,” Tianlang-Jun warns. 

“No,” Shen Qingqiu says simply. “I think I ought to forget about you entirely, and let you return to rotting beneath a mountain.”

Tianlang-Jun doesn’t get to retort. In that moment, Liu Qingge makes his entrance with Mu Qingfang close on his heels, and the pavilion erupts into the chaos of triaging patients and handling dangerous prisoners all at once.

And in this same moment - in the eyes of the System that has been silently watching all this time - Shen Qingqiu’s courtship with Cang Qiong’s highest security prisoner comes to an official close.

Chapter Text

The immediate fall out of the end of Shen Qingqiu’s courtship with Tianlang-Jun is about as messy as Shen Qingqiu had imagined it might be.

Yue Qingyuan shows up halfway through Mu Qingfang’s examination of Shen Qingqiu and gets in everyone’s way as he waffles between fussing over Shen Qingqiu and trying to pressure Tianlang-Jun into agreeing to cure Shen Qingqiu anyway as some sort of recompense for causing a scene. Liu Qingge, after hearing about Luo Binghe’s attack on Tianlang-Jun, only makes things worse by thumping the boy on the back approvingly and agreeing that human-sticking Tianlang-Jun might make him a bit more agreeable.

Luo Binghe himself, however, is abnormally quiet throughout this all. No backhanded compliments to Liu Qingge about finally having a bright idea, no getting in the way of Mu Qingfang’s treatment to fuss over Shen Qingqiu, and no… anything in Tianlang-Jun’s direction, either violent or pleading.

Instead, Luo Binghe only stands quietly along the edge of the pavilion, watching Tianlang-Jun with a complicated expression on his face. 

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t dare to ask Luo Binghe what he’s thinking about. There’s no possible answer he could give that Shen Qingqiu would wish to hear. In fact, Shen Qingqiu would rather not hear anything at all from anyone, right now. His exhaustion from before has come back in full force, and his head is pounding from the stress, and although his cultivation has already healed the cut on his arm enough to stop the bleeding there’s still a sharp ache where Luo Binghe’s sword had nicked him. 

By the time Shen Qingqiu has managed to brush everyone off and head home, he really wants nothing more than to faceplant into bed as soon as he gets inside.

He wants nothing more than to rest, and he wants nothing less than to learn anything at all about what has made Luo Binghe so quiet, but -

Shen Qingqiu casts a glance to his side. Luo Binghe is already looking back at him, his expression intense. He hasn’t moved an inch from the entryway to their bamboo house, refusing to step further inside until Shen Qingqiu does as well, quietly dogging Shen Qingqiu’s steps.

…Fuck. Fuck!! 

Shen Qingqiu just doesn’t know how to say no to Luo Binghe, even with things like this.

“Alright,” Shen Qingqiu sighs. “Let me get changed first, and then… I suppose we should talk.”

Luo Binghe nods. “This disciple will prepare tea,” he says, heading off to the kitchen. 

Shen Qingqiu changes quickly, burns the last inner robe he’d been wearing on the way home, and returns to the main living area of the bamboo house. Luo Binghe is already there waiting, kneeling by the low table, his eyes turned down to watch the teapot as if he can see the tea steeping through the porcelain. The table is conspicuously bare of the usual snacks that Luo Binghe prepares; either Luo Binghe didn’t want to waste the time fetching them, or he didn’t want to give Shen Qingqiu anything to distract him from this conversation.

When Shen Qingqiu joins him at the table, Luo Binghe glances up at him with a conflicted expression. 

“Shizun,” he greets. “This disciple apologizes for ruining Shizun’s courtship.”

“I’m sure I’ve taught you not to lie before,” Shen Qingqiu says ruefully. 

“I am sorry,” Luo Binghe says. “I know how much effort Shizun put into that courtship, and I’m not so unfilial that I wouldn’t feel remorse for ruining something that Shizun was working hard at.”

“But not sorry that I’m no longer courting Tianlang-Jun, or for your attempt to split the man in two?”

“There are other ways to get someone to agree to a medical dual cultivation procedure than by following a proper courtship,” Luo Binghe says stubbornly. “From the start, rather than treating him as a romantic candidate for someone has righteous as Shizun, we should have just been attempting bribery and -”

“And human-sticking?” Shen Qingqiu finishes, deeply unimpressed.

Was it really from this young of an age that Luo Binghe’s brain started naturally falling back to chopping pieces off of someone as a valid form of coercion? Isn’t he still supposed to be a white sheep, ah?!

Luo Binghe glances away. “The way that Shizun has been treated throughout this courtship has been intolerable. Tianlang-Jun mocked Shizun constantly, and cared more about irritating everyone and causing a scene than about trying to get along. And today, when he -”

Luo Binghe breaks off, his hands curling into tight fists in his lap. Shen Qingqiu’s expression softens.

After all, he understands completely. He’s in the exact same position as Luo Binghe when it comes to this. They had both thought that Tianlang-Jun could bring a great benefit to the other, even if it meant suffering through Tianlang-Jun’s absurdities and rudeness until the boon was granted. But when Tianlang-Jun made it clear that he would not hesitate to be a threat to them, those benefits simply weren’t worth it anymore. 

For both Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu, their lines were clear: a threat to the other person would not be tolerated.

…Although, Shen Qingqiu would like to think his response of giving up entirely is at least a bit more reasonable than Luo Binghe’s fallback to violence. Ah, little sheep, your wool has already started to turn blackened on the edges!!

“It’s alright,” Shen Qingqiu says, feeling a bit soft. “Shizun was only teasing you a bit. I already said earlier that Tianlang-Jun and I are simply incompatible; I’m not especially sorry that I’m no longer courting him, either.”

Luo Binghe looks up at Shen Qingqiu with wide, searching eyes. “Then, to cure Shizun’s ailment…”

“I won’t be cured,” Shen Qingqiu says firmly. 

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe says beseechingly. “Don’t give up hope so quickly. Even if Tianlang-Jun is no longer an option -”

“If you’re about to suggest that I cut that man apart and dual cultivate with the pieces,” Shen Qingqiu says, “then Binghe had best not say anything at all.”

Luo Binghe shakes his head, his expression twisting.

“Back there when this disciple attacked Tianlang-Jun, I was only worked up,” he says. “I hadn’t - I hadn’t finished thinking everything through. Now that I’ve thought about it some more, I’ve of course realized that we don’t even need to bother with Tianlang-Jun at all.”

Shen Qingqiu narrows his eyes. He doesn’t especially like where this is going.

“If you think that a cure exists even without Tianlang-Jun, then you actually haven’t thought hard about this at all.”

“Even without Tianlang-Jun,” Luo Binghe insists, “Shizun can be cured.”

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu warns. “Don’t -”

“Even without Tianlang-Jun,” Luo Binghe says again, “there are other Heavenly Demons out there.”

Shen Qingqiu snaps his mouth shut so quickly that his jaw aches. Luo Binghe meets his eyes with measured caution, his hands curled into tight fists on the table in front of them.

“Isn’t that right, Shizun?” Luo Binghe says softly. “After all, even Tianlang-Jun must have - family, somewhere.”

Shen Qingqiu lets out a slow, careful breath, his eyes falling shut for a long moment. 

Tianlang-Jun… really had made it too obvious that Luo Binghe’s presence was significant to him, back there. Tianlang-Jun had been a bit too obvious this whole time, really. 

Shen Qingqiu opens his eyes to look at Luo Binghe once more. Shen Qingqiu… has also been a bit too obvious this whole time. He should have been more subtle in his attempts to get Luo Binghe and Tianlang-Jun get along with each other.

A demon that had been locked up for exactly as long as Luo Binghe has been alive, and who cared enough about Luo Binghe’s identity that there just had to be some personal connection there, and who Shen Qingqiu had constantly pushed to get along with Luo Binghe, as if that ‘personal connection’ should be something good.

Of course a boy as clever as Luo Binghe would be able to put the pieces together. Perhaps it would have been different if Luo Binghe didn’t know he had some mysterious demonic heritage, but… Well, it’s too late now.

If Shen Qingqiu is going to protest this, he’ll have to protest the other parts of it - the parts that Luo Binghe hopefully doesn’t know too much about.

“Even if relatives exist,” Shen Qingqiu says, “there’s no guarantee they’d have the same capabilities. Even a bloodline as strong as the Heavenly Demon one can be diluted.”

It isn’t quite a lie. In PIDW, the original Luo Binghe had never been concerned about his own children overpowering him, after all - it isn’t impossible to think that the Heavenly Demon bloodline might get even a fraction weaker with each generation.

“Diluted enough that Without-a-Cure would suddenly become too potent?” Luo Binghe asks, jutting his chin out stubbornly.

…Indeed, when Shen Qingqiu said it wasn’t quite a lie, that had been the part he’d been excluding. In theory, any amount of Heavenly Demon relation would be enough to cure Without-a-Cure.

“Even if the strength of the bloodline wasn’t in question,” Shen Qingqiu says, “This matter with Tianlang-Jun was only considered because he was already available and in a position where he wouldn’t be able to hurt us. Your martial uncles won’t easily accept a courtship between one of Cang Qiong’s peak lords and an unrestrained Heavenly Demon.”

“If Cang Qiong will forsake Shizun, then I’ll forsake Cang Qiong,” Luo Binghe swears. The knuckles of his fists are white with tension. “Even if I’m the only one who will help Shizun, and even if it must be done outside of Cang Qiong - even then, it will be enough, won’t it?”

Shen Qingqiu’s mouth twists. “Don’t speak so rashly,” he says.

“It isn’t rash,” Luo Binghe says. “In fact, this disciple dares to say that Shizun is the one who is behaving recklessly by not chasing after a cure.”

“Binghe -”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe pleads. “Please, just - consider it, just for a moment. Shizun is always so quick to disregard anything that could help his health, but - Shizun, your cultivation -”

“And Binghe is always quick to disregard his master’s orders, if they’re orders for him to stop.”

“I only dare to disobey when it’s for Shizun’s sake,” Luo Binghe protests. “I know Shizun misses being able to fly on Xiu Ya without concern of a sudden blockage, and dislikes it when he gets a stuffy nose or an aching back in the days leading up to Liu-Shishu’s scheduled visit!”

“And that’s hardly my disciple’s concern,” Shen Qingqiu scolds. 

Luo Binghe just shakes his head helplessly, though, his brows pinched together with distress.

“Shizun, what if -” he breaks off, wetting his lips anxiously before continuing. “Shizun, what if you can’t even ascend, all because of this poison? Isn’t it better to at least try to cure it?”

Shen Qingqiu looks at Luo Binghe for a long moment. When Shen Qingqiu had first been poisoned, Luo Binghe had been young and inexperienced; he wouldn’t have been at a stage in his cultivation where ascension would have been even a fleeting thought in his mind. In fact, he was still so untrained back then that he likely didn’t have much of an idea at all of the sorts of cultivation benefits that Shen Qingqiu might be - at least in part - restricted from accessing, all because of Without-a-Cure.

Now, Shen Qingqiu wonders if Luo Binghe has been thinking of Shen Qingqiu all these years, at every single point of advancement within his own young cultivation, at every point of learning more about what Without-a-Cure might be doing to Shen Qingqiu.

…Ah, Shen Qingqiu takes it back. His disciple isn’t blackened at all, yet; he’s still the sticky sweet sheep who thinks too much about this old master of his.

Unfortunately, Shen Qingqiu has recently started to think that it might really be for the best if Luo Binghe cared a bit less about him.

“If I won’t ascend, then I won’t ascend,” Shen Qingqiu says. Ascension is a concept that exists far beyond the time Shen Qingqiu has left to live, anyway.

Luo Binghe’s expression turns wretched. 

“Shizun wanted to be cured badly enough that he would tolerate Tianlang-Jun, but -” Luo Binghe breaks off, chewing on his words for a moment, “- but this sort of alternative… it’s so terrible that Shizun won’t even consider it?”

Shen Qingqiu sucks on his teeth bitterly. Indeed, this sort of alternative is terrible. It’s awful enough that even Luo Binghe - even the cocky brat who usually doesn’t hesitate to say all sorts of ridiculous things - hasn’t dared to describe this so-called alternative outright.

It doesn’t even matter why Luo Binghe is being so careful in speaking around the issue. Perhaps the idea of being related to Tianlang-Jun is horrifying to him, either due to his personal dislike of the man or the reasonable fear that would come from knowing that your bloodline belongs to a species that cultivators despise earnestly for the war and destruction it has caused in the past. Perhaps Luo Binghe is struggling with balancing his care for Shen Qingqiu with the knee-jerk ‘oh, gross!’ reaction that he must have when thinking of being the one to cure his old teacher. Perhaps Luo Binghe is worried that - if the issue were spelled out to the point where Shen Qingqiu could not feign ignorance - then Luo Binghe would be kicked from Cang Qiong for his demonic heritage.

No, the reason doesn’t matter. The fact that it’s enough to keep Luo Binghe from speaking directly - despite all the guilt so clearly hanging on to Luo Binghe about the way in which Shen Qingqiu was poisoned with Without-a-Cure - makes it clear enough that this alternative is indeed terrible even to Luo Binghe. 

That alone would make it terrible to Shen Qingqiu, too, and that’s before Shen Qingqiu starts considering all his own factors: how the System may react to an early heritage reveal, or the simple fact that Shen Qingqiu has never intended to cure Without-a-Cure and so there’s no need for either Shen Qingqiu or Luo Binghe to make such a sacrifice.

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t dare to say all that aloud, though. If this issue was spoken about plainly - if they stopped talking in possibilities and instead were suddenly forced to confront the idea of Luo Binghe being Tianlang-Jun’s son without any room for doubt - just what consequences would there be?

They’ve already been speaking in circles this whole time. No need to stop now.

“...Binghe is the one who is talking about turning his back on Cang Qiong in order to make such an alternative a possibility,” Shen Qingqiu eventually says. “Isn’t that terrible in itself?”

“I don’t need to be Cang Qiong’s disciple,” Luo Binghe says, his voice thick. “I only need to be Shizun’s.”

“You’re already my disciple,” Shen Qingqiu says. “And you’re Ning Yingying’s Shidi, too, and Bai Zhan’s most fearsome rival, and the top student in nearly all of Qing Jing’s classes. Don’t be so quick to talk about giving all those things up.”

“But I -” Luo Binghe’s voice cracks, high and reedy, and his face flushes pink with embarrassment. 

Shen Qingqiu feels his expression soften despite himself.

“It’s alright,” he says.

Luo Binghe shakes his head helplessly. “Shizun,” he says, “Shizun, I found a cure. All these years - and I found a cure, so please - how can this option be so awful in Shizun’s mind?”

Shen Qingqiu presses his mouth into a thin line. Maybe he should feel more urgency on this matter. Maybe he should be panicking, trying to figure out a way to convince Luo Binghe that the conclusion he’s clearly come to is wrong, and that Tianlang-Jun is truly the only remaining Heavenly Demon. 

Instead, Shen Qingqiu…

He just feels awful for Luo Binghe, driven by guilt to the point that he is so desperately trying to convince his teacher to take advantage of him. 

If this were still a novel, the narration would probably be something like this: Luo Binghe is the reason Shen Qingqiu was poisoned, and Luo Binghe is the reason that Shen Qingqiu will not be able to pursue a cure.

It isn’t true, of course. Shen Qingqiu’s own foolishness was the cause of his poisoning - he didn’t have to take the blow of Without-a-Cure when he knew full well that Luo Binghe would not have truly been affected by the poison. Just the same, it’s Shen Qingqiu’s own behavior that has made Tianlang-Jun a non-option, and it’s Shen Qingqiu’s decision to not allow Luo Binghe to try and offer himself as an alternative.

Still, Shen Qingqiu had dedicated far too many hours of his past life reading Proud Immortal Demon Way, and if nothing else he became very familiar with how that shitty book liked to frame things. If there was a way to frame misfortune as belonging to Luo Binghe, then it would do so, and Luo Binghe would believe it.

It’s the one thing Shen Qingqiu had ever dared to dislike about Luo Binghe. How could someone so good always be so willing to take the blame?

“Listen here, Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu says. “The reason that Tianlang-Jun antagonized you so much wasn’t because he disliked you personally, and the reason I dragged you into this courtship process wasn’t because I thought you should be held accountable for my poisoning in any way.”

“Shizun…”

“All of it,” Shen Qingqiu says firmly, “was completely out of Binghe’s control, and none of it was your fault. So stop worrying so much, and stop butting your nose in where it doesn’t belong.”

“Tianlang-Jun made quite the scene. Even if this disciple closes his eyes and pretends not to see, the other peak lords will still ask questions,” Luo Binghe says stubbornly. “Will Shizun be able to so confidently tell them that I have no place in this, too?”

“I will,” Shen Qingqiu says. “And so should Binghe, if any of them dare to ask.”

“But Tianlang-Jun -”

“Tianlang-Jun had a falling out with your father,” Shen Qingqiu cuts in. 

It… isn’t a very good lie, honestly. Rewriting the story to have Tianlang-Jun as an old friend of Luo Binghe’s father instead of his mother may shift Luo Binghe’s role from ‘probable son’ to ‘unrelated brat of a friend,’ but it also isn’t a lie that would hold up to much scrutiny. All it would take would be someone trying to find the name of Luo Binghe’s ‘father’ in Huan Hua’s disciple registries to poke a hole into the story.

That’s fine, though. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t need a perfect lie. He only needs to be able to give Luo Binghe an excuse: a story for Luo Binghe to repeat to others who might hear that Tianlang-Jun had so viciously lashed out at Luo Binghe, and a story for Luo Binghe to repeat to himself, if he decides that it would be better to believe in that lie than it would be to stew in his own guilt.

It only has to be enough to give Luo Binghe the privacy to keep his heritage a secret until his cradle seal is broken. 

“I didn’t bring it up before because I wasn’t certain,” Shen Qingqiu continues, “but as Binghe has gotten older, your similarity has become apparent. There was a disciple of Huan Hua palace many years ago who looked very similar to the way Binghe does now.”

Luo Binghe watches Shen Qingqiu carefully, his brows pulled together in confusion. 

“...Then, this whole time, Shizun insisted on this disciple chaperoning while knowing that Tianlang-Jun would recognize my face?” Luo Binghe asks.

“I did,” Shen Qingqiu admits. “So if any of your Shishu come to pester you, that’s what you tell them: the grudge Tianlang-Jun bore towards you was the fault of the previous generation, and the fact that the grudge came to light at all is your Shizun’s fault.”

“If Shizun knew Tianlang-Jun would recognize and dislike me, then why include me to begin with?” Luo Binghe despairs. “Shizun, if you knew -!”

Shen Qingqiu coughs awkwardly. “It isn’t that Tianlang-Jun always disliked your father. In fact, they used to be quite close.”

Luo Binghe makes a face that conveys his clear skepticism. 

“Huan Hua allowed their disciples to be close to a Heavenly Demon?”

“On the whole, certainly not,” Shen Qingqiu says. “But even within Huan Hua, there are always some people who are willing to learn for themselves if a person is dangerous rather than relying on stereotypes.”

After all, the Little Palace Mistress herself will grow up to marry a Heavenly Demon. Not that Shen Qingqiu would consider her a tolerant person, so to speak, but it still counts! 

“Unfortunately,” Shen Qingqiu continues, his brows pulling together with frustration, “those at Huan Hua who were less tolerant seem to have muddied the waters. When Huan Hua declared war against Tianlang-Jun, they made it look as if Binghe’s father was part of that effort.”

“So Tianlang-Jun remembered them not as someone dear to him, but as someone who betrayed him,” Luo Binghe finishes, putting the pieces together.

“Indeed. This master miscalculated, and Binghe’s face inspired only ire in Tianlang-Jun where it might once have reminded him of better days.”

Luo Binghe frowns, looking down at his hands. Shen Qingqiu can practically hear his thoughts whirling, recontextualizing all of his interactions with Tianlang-Jun with this new information.

…Shen Qingqiu hesitates. It wasn’t only because he wanted to provide Luo Binghe with a cover story that he wanted to tell Luo Binghe all this. He also…

Well, Shen Qingqiu isn’t very good at comforting people. The most he can do is express to them that he cares for them. 

“Binghe should know,” he says, “that I didn’t pull you into this with the hopes that Tianlang-Jun’s memories of your father would help push the courtship along.”

Luo Binghe looks up at him, brows furrowed. “Shizun should have. If Shizun thought that my face could in any way endear Tianlang-Jun to us, then -”

“Binghe, I don’t care if Without-a-Cure is ever cured,” Shen Qingqiu interrupts. 

Luo Binghe sends Shen Qingqiu a look. Shen Qingqiu ignores it entirely.

“Whatever effort I put forward,” Shen Qingqiu says seriously, “I put forward for you.”

Luo Binghe blinks, taken aback. Shen Qingqiu glances away; it’s unexpectedly embarrassing, admitting this!

“...I understand that a prisoner of war is perhaps not what Binghe may have dreamed of for a family,” he says, clearing this throat awkwardly. “But I had still hoped that Tianlang-Jun might step up to be something of - of an uncle, for you.”

‘Something like an uncle,’ is a bit of a roundabout way of saying ‘a father,’ but Shen Qingqiu is trying his best to keep this shoddy cover story together, okay!! 

“Shizun…” Luo Binghe breathes, sounding a bit awed. Then he shakes his head, expression falling into something more serious. “Shizun, this disciple would have preferred if Shizun pursued his own health before anything else!”

Shen Qingqiu waves a hand dismissively. “My health is fine. But - Binghe doesn’t have anyone who writes to him, or anyone to visit for the holidays.”

“That isn’t true,” Luo Binghe argues, leaning forward across the table to address Shen Qingqiu. 

“It is,” Shen Qingqiu insists, feeling a bit irritated. “Your Mu-Shishu and Liu-Shishu take care of me just fine, and -”

“No,” Luo Binghe interrupts, then pauses and corrects himself: “Well, yes, Shizun’s health could be improved, too. But Shizun, I meant to say that it isn’t true that I have no family to look out for me.”

Shen Qingqiu blinks. “Oh,” he says. “Who?”

Luo Binghe smiles, a shy little thing that feels almost out of place when Luo Binghe’s smiles are usually wide and delighted and intolerably smug.

“Shizun slips letters into my supply pouches whenever I leave for an extended night hunt,” Luo Binghe says. “And Shizun celebrates every holiday with me, and shares every dinner with me, and -”

“Enough, enough,” Shen Qingqiu says, embarrassed.

Luo Binghe only leans in further, though, pressing his weight onto the table between them. 

“Shizun,” he calls, his eyes bright even though his tears haven’t even dried yet, “I’ve had a precious family member for awhile, now.”

“Don’t speak nonsense,” Shen Qingqiu scolds, but it sounds weak even to his own ears.

“There isn’t anything I mean more,” Luo Binghe says. “Shizun, for you, I…”

Luo Binghe pauses, glancing down at his hands, stretched out across the table towards Shen Qingqiu. 

“I won’t push Shizun on this yet,” he says. “Even if I were to provide Shizun with another Heavenly Demon, Shizun was right that the bloodline wouldn’t be quite the same, so…”

Luo Binghe looks up to meet Shen Qinqiu’s eyes. Leaning across the table like he is, his head isn’t held quite so high, so rather than meeting Shen Qingqiu’s gaze evenly he must look up at Shen Qingqiu from below, peering up through his lashes.

“Once I figure things out,” Luo Binghe swears. “Once I know that a difference in blood can still be used, and how it can be used - then, I’ll ask Shizun to consider it again.”

“Binghe…” Shen Qingqiu sighs. “Didn’t I already say that I don’t care to have Without-a-Cure healed?”

“Didn’t I just say that Shizun is my most important person?” Luo Binghe asks, and - 

No! No he didn’t!! That’s - that somehow feels even more intense than just considering Shen Qingqiu family -!

Luo Binghe’s shy little smile comes back again, his eyes curved into pleased crescents. 

“Shizun is my most important person,” Luo Binghe says plainly. “So I’ll figure things out.”

“I’ll figure out a punishment in turn,” Shen Qingqiu grumbles weakly, his face flushing with the heat of embarrassment. 

He wishes he’d never involved Luo Binghe in this nonsense with Tianlang-Jun. He wishes that Luo Binghe hadn’t figured out his own relation to Tianlang-Jun. He wishes that Luo Binghe carried less guilt about Without-a-Cure, and that he didn’t feel so much responsibility to see Shen Qingqiu cured to the point of trying to offer up his own self.

And yet Shen Qingqiu can’t help but feel overwhelmed when he’s faced so directly with the protagonist’s sincerity. It makes his chest swell with warm emotion, washing away the irritation of the day in a gentle joy. 

Not just for Luo Binghe, either, but for the sturdy, older brother vibes of Yue Qingyuan, and the tired fussing of Mu Qingfang, and the awkward earnestness of Liu Qingge - of all the people that that come to mind when Luo Binghe so earnestly claims to have found a family outside of his own blood. 

…He thinks of Luo Binghe, too.

Oh, Shen Qingqiu thinks, oh, I’ve been thinking of it all wrong this whole time. Binghe didn’t need a father by blood to begin with.

And then, memorizing the pleased curl of Luo Binghe’s lips and the warm flush of his cheeks, he thinks -

I am going to die on the edge of the Abyss, because I will not be able to push down a boy who so earnestly thinks of me as his family.

---

The morning after Shen Qingqiu announces the end of his courtship with Tianlang-Jun, the system wakes him up with a notification.

[Critical Quest: Endless Abyss and Endless Hatred has been resumed.]  

Shen Qingqiu lays in bed staring at it for a long time.

System, he thinks, are there any other quests that could delay the Abyss?

[Mission DILF was a hidden quest!] Comes the cheery reply. [System can not disclose other hidden quests without Host discovering the conditions first.]

Figures, Shen Qingqiu sighs. Did this bullshit hidden mission change anything about the requirements for the Abyss?

[Critical Quest: Endless Abyss and Endless Hatred must result in Protagonist: Luo Binghe entering the Endless Abyss. Failure to comply will result in Host’s soul being returned to his original world.]

Shen Qingqiu dismisses the System response, and then spends a long, long moment staring up at the ceiling above him. It’s a good ceiling. He’s enjoyed waking up to it all these years.

Well - fine! Fine! Dying today or dying in five years - isn’t it the same?! Either way, Shen Qingqiu will die! In fact, it’s sure to be less painful if the System does it than if a blackened Luo Binghe - betrayed by his precious family member - gets his hands on him! 

Determined, Shen Qingqiu gets up for the day and begins preparing for the Immortal Alliance Conference.

It will take another month or so before the conference itself will be prepared, but Shen Qingqiu doesn’t have any time to waste if he wants to get all his affairs in order before then. Notes on the disciples that need more attention in this or that subject, reports on ongoing projects that will still need funding or supervision after Shen Qingqiu is gone, lesson plans written in advance so that no one will dare to teach Qing Jing’s disciples with crude methods like Bai Zhan - and that’s only the administrative stuff!

Truthfully, what Shen Qingqiu would like to do most in this time is to… say his goodbyes, for lack of a more pleasant way of saying it. 

Luo Binghe’s earnest appreciation for a family made up by care for each other rather than blood bonds had left Shen Qingqiu feeling a bit off balance. He finds himself thinking perhaps a bit too hard about the way he addresses his fellow peak lords as ‘martial siblings,’ and all sorts of other sappy nonsense that he doesn’t really know how to handle outside just showing up on the doorsteps of his favorite peak lords and vaguely hoping things would work out from there. Tea with Yue Qingyuan, and gossip-slash-bitching sessions with Qi Qingqi, and sparring with Liu Qingge, and then very graciously actually allowing Mu Qingfang to treat the wounds from sparring with Liu Qingge…

Of course, the person Shen Qingqiu most wants to spend time with is Luo Binghe. 

Guided by the System or not, Shen Qingqiu has dedicated the majority of his effort and attention towards Luo Binghe ever since he’d woken up in this world. It hadn’t been something Shen Qingqiu had ever grown to regret, either; Luo Binghe has truly been the best part of Shen Qingqiu’s life here. 

Although, Shen Qingqiu thinks a bit wryly, watching Luo Binghe pour over some old texts, he’s also been the most troublesome!

Shen Qingqiu opens his fan, letting the soft clacking of its wooden slats announce his presence. Luo Binghe, usually so attuned to Shen Qingqiu’s presence, startles from his thoughts and turns to look up at Shen Qingqiu with wide eyes. He’s quick to fix his expression into something more innocent, adjusting the bend of his arm so that his sleeve spills out to cover the text he’d been reading, but - too late! This master already saw it all!!

“Reading anything interesting?” Shen Qingqiu asks innocently, as if he hadn’t gotten a good view of what had very clearly been Qing Jing’s most informative scroll on Heavenly Demons.

Ah, it had really been too naive for Shen Qingqiu to hope that Luo Binghe might not pursue the issue of his bloodline any further!

“Only simple study materials,” Luo Binghe replies just as innocently. “This disciple can only assume that Shizun is already quite familiar with the topic.”

“Hm,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Familiarity doesn’t necessarily replace interest.”

“Of course,” Luo Binghe agrees easily, “but this disciple wishes to read up a bit more before engaging in any debates with Shizun on the topic, so that we might converse on even ground.”

So he hasn’t found what he wanted to know yet, Shen Qingqiu thinks. It isn’t all that much of a surprise; assuming that Luo Binghe is specifically looking for information on how to activate his own bloodline or whatever else is necessary for a Heavenly Demon’s papapa-powers to work correctly, it would really be more shocking if Qing Jing actually contained anything useful.

Shen Qingqiu watches Luo Binghe warily for a moment longer, considering trying to dissuade Luo Binghe from this topic once more. In the end, he only sighs and turns away, pretending not to notice how Luo Binghe takes the moment to shuffle the papers into his sleeve and out of sight. 

Even if Luo Binghe figured out what was keeping his own abilities solidly in line with his human heritage only - that is, if he identified what sort of seal was keeping his demonic abilities locked away - he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. It had taken a Black Moon Rhinoceros Python to break the original Luo Binghe’s cradle seal in PIDW; those aren’t just randomly wandering around Qing Jing for this Luo Binghe’s convenience. 

And if Luo Binghe isn’t likely to figure out how to release the seal on his demonic abilities, then Shen Qingqiu is actually rather in favor of Luo Binghe studying up on Heavenly Demons and their capabilities. Shen Qingqiu can’t teach Luo Binghe about this sort of thing - he really is quite nervous about what the System might do if Shen Qingqiu were to stop speaking in hypotheticals and directly address Luo Binghe’s relation to Tianlang-Jun - so Luo Binghe learning about it on his own is the next best option.

…Unrelated, Shen Qingqiu decides that he should write out some of his personal thoughts and findings on the Heavenly Demon race to add to Qing Jing’s library. For posterity.

After a moment, Shen Qingqiu turns back to Luo Binghe. He came to find Luo Binghe for a reason, after all.

“Binghe,” he calls, “the playing cards you painted for me a bit ago - would you indulge this master by playing with them with me for a bit?”

Luo Binghe grins up at Shen Qingqiu, his cheeks flushed with pleased satisfaction.

“This disciple would be honored,” he says, and Shen Qingqiu sits down by his side to play for a bit.

He hopes that Luo Binghe will have someone who will idly play games with him after Shen Qingqiu is gone. Very few of the wives from PIDW ever bothered with that sort of idle companionship - after initially being wooed and wed, they joined a harem with so many faces in it that the only way to fight for Luo Binghe’s attention was to try to make their times together memorable.

Naturally, this led to very little real companionship, and quite a bit of shameless papapa. 

This Luo Binghe has been raised carefully by Shen Qingqiu’s own hand, though, and Shen Qingqiu would like to think that he did an alright job of making sure his life was a happy one. Surely, after having learned how enjoyable some of the more simple pleasures of life can be, Luo Binghe won’t forget all of them in favor of chasing an endless line of skirts…!

…Well, even if he does, at least Shen Qingqiu won’t be there to see it, he supposes. Best to just stick his head in the sand and pretend that Luo Binghe will remain a precious, happy child forever.

Like this, the days before the Immortal Alliance Conference pass by quickly, each one busy and tiring but still syrupy with the nostalgic feeling of someone taking the time to appreciate some small things about their life before letting it go. 

It isn’t all roses, of course. Yue Qingyuan and Mu Qingfang swing by several times with various bribes and arguments trying to convince Shen Qingqiu to pick back up his courtship with Tianlang-Jun. Qing Jing’s disciples - who may not have been let in on the loop but were still quite aware that their master had been seeing someone for several long months - gossip in hushed tones about their esteemed Shizun’s failed courtship, each rumor more dramatic than the next. 

And once, when Shen Qingqiu retires to his rooms earlier than he usually does, he catches a small snake hidden in a stack of papers on his desk. 

It’s a snake that looks very much like the dead ones Tianlang-Jun had used as an argument as to why the seals on his cave should allow small critters in.

And, damningly, the stack of papers it’s hidden in are the ones that contain all of Shen Qingqiu’s notes and correspondence with Shang Qinghua and various merchants and apothecaries near Huan Hua from when Shen Qingqiu had been trying to find a way to prove the Huan Hua Palace Master’s guilt.

Shen Qingqiu darts a hand out and grabs the snake by the base of its head quickly, holding it firm as it thrashes in his grip. 

“And I suppose your master thinks he has the right to paw through all my things?” Shen Qingqiu asks the snake, feeling very justifiably irritated. 

The snake looks up at him silently, but does stop thrashing about so much.

Shen Qingqiu snorts. He ought to give the snake to Luo Binghe and tell him to cook it for dinner.

…He doesn’t especially want to eat a snake, though. 

“Does he regret it?” Shen Qingqiu asks the snake imperiously. “Did something I say snag something in that largely empty head of his, and make him reconsider the past and his assumptions about it?”

The snake squirms a bit.

“That’s right, I said he has an empty head!” Shen Qingqiu says emphatically. “And somehow, he still has less manners than common sense! So what if he decided he should investigate the ‘misunderstanding’ I mentioned - who told him it was alright to go snooping through my things, ah!”

The snake, being a snake, still does not muster a reply. Shen Qingqiu shakes it around a bit, frustrated. 

“I could have left all that information there as bait, you know,” he says. “It could all be lies. That’s what your master would deserve for breaking into my house and reading my letters.”

The snake tilts its head a bit.

“...Alright, they’re not lies,” Shen Qingqiu admits. “But it’s the principle of the thing! Little snake, you tell me, if your master has actually realized that I was truly trying to help him, wouldn’t it be more appropriate for him to apologize than to dishonor me like this?”

The snake continues to say nothing, but Shen Qingqiu would like to imagine that this time the silence has an air of apologeticness to it. 

…Ugh. Whatever information this little snake had seen from its snooping, there’s no stopping Tianlang-Jun from learning it now. The power of this snake is not that of a demon itself; it’s only a snake with some sort of array or spiritual pact made with it. The real observer is likely not even on Qing Jing, silently watching through the snake’s eyes. 

What’s done is done - what’s been spied can’t be un-spied.

“Well, you’d best hurry back,” Shen Qingqiu sighs, opening a window and tossing the little green snake through it. “I’d wager you have about half a day before I can drag our array masters back to that wretched cave to restore the seals that will keep you out.”

The snake lays still in the grass, its glossy black eyes staring up at Shen Qingqiu where he’s leaning out the window to look at it.

Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes. 

“Demons,” he mutters, and then raises the privacy wards on his bamboo house - ones clever enough that they were designed to even keep out small talismans or spiritual beasts that could be used to eavesdrop in place of a human ear - with a sense of finality. 

Perhaps he ought to have killed the snake as soon as he caught it, no matter the fact that the snake itself wasn’t the true observer. It would have at least sent a stronger message towards Tianlang-Jun than just tossing his little spy out the window.

But Shen Qingqiu finds that he’s just… apathetic, towards Tianlang-Jun. He doesn’t like him, and he doesn’t want to be near him - and he especially doesn’t want Luo Binghe to be near Tianlang-Jun - but he also just doesn’t want to think about the demon anymore. He’d rather forget Tianlang-Jun existed at all than to chase after that little snake. 

If Tianlang-Jun has figured things out, then he’s figured things out. It’s too late to be useful, but it’s also not likely to be any harm. Perhaps Tianlang-Jun will even feel some small amount of remorse for having assumed the worst of Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe both. 

Perhaps, Shen Qingqiu thinks wryly, perhaps Tianlang-Jun will suffer just a bit more for this, and perhaps he will live with that suffering and sit in that cave and rot until everyone forgets about him.

---

For how terribly Shen Qingqiu had dreaded it, the day of the Immortal Alliance Conference arrives with little fanfare. 

Packing and traveling carry on much the same as when Shen Qingqiu takes any group of disciples out for a night hunt, though perhaps the selected disciples are a bit more energetic this time. And the event itself is crowded and noisy, but it isn’t quite brimming with energy like Shen Qingqiu had imagined it to be - perhaps the extreme delay of the event had put too much of a damper on it for everyone to be quite as excited as they normally would be.

Even Luo Binghe seems somewhat subdued, to Shen Qingqiu’s concern. Hadn’t this Luo Binghe been the same boy who’d woken Shen Qingqiu a full two hours early out of concern for being late?!

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe says, looking solemnly out at the field of disciples gathered for the event. “This disciple will not disappoint you today.”

Ah, Shen Qingqiu thinks, not actually subdued, then - just full of the resolve of a teenager who believes themselves to be facing down a battle far more serious than it actually is. 

…How unexpectedly cute.

“Binghe couldn’t disappoint me even if he withdrew his entry right this moment,” Shen Qingqiu says, smiling indulgently. 

The profile of Luo Binghe’s face is lit from behind, outlining his strong nose and brow in the cold light of the winter morning. It makes for a very different sort of atmosphere than the warm, late-spring setting that the Immortal Alliance Conference had originally been scheduled for. Maybe that’s really why everyone is a bit less energetic this morning, actually - the cold isn’t as inviting for cute little disciples to romp about in as a warm day!

Shen Qingqiu reaches out to nudge at Luo Binghe, pulling him to face him. Luo Binghe moves easily, looking down at Shen Qingqiu with eyes still glinting with determination. 

Ah, how cute, how cute!!

“Actually,” Shen Qingqiu says, “there is one thing that Binghe must do if he wants to make this teacher proud.”

“Anything,” Luo Binghe says, stepping a bit closer into Shen Qingqiu’s space.

The closed distance between them emphasizes the scant few centimeters that Luo Binghe has over Shen Qingqiu, and Shen Qingqiu reaches up to poke meanly at Luo Binghe’s chest with his closed fan. Just because this disciple has gotten a bit taller in the last year, there’s no reason to go lording that height over his master!!

“What Binghe must do,” Shen Qingqiu says, warm despite the cold snap in the air and his faint indignation over Luo Binghe’s height, “is to take care of himself.”

Luo Binghe’s eyes widen just slightly, his cheeks flushing despite his ability to fend off the cold with his cultivation. 

“Landing a blow isn’t worth it if you must take a blow in return,” Shen Qingqiu scolds, tapping his fan against Luo Binghe’s chest still, as if with every poke of it he might push his words into Luo Binghe directly. “A notable score isn’t worth it if you must also take on notable injuries.”

“Shizun gave this disciple two full qiankun pouches of survival and medical supplies,” Luo Binghe says, his eyes curved into pleased crescents. “If I still managed to exit the conference with significant injury, it would be quite notable indeed.”

Shen Qingqiu scowls. This unruly disciple may not be taking Shen Qingqiu seriously now, but he’ll appreciate having all those medical supplies when he encounters a Bat-Faced Deer Hopper in just a few hours!!

“And if other disciples get in Binghe’s way, dragging him down with their own lack of preparation -”

“- then this disciple will lead them to one of the drop off points and have them light a flare to drop out, as Shizun has instructed me,” Luo Binghe dutifully recites. His lips quirk up, amused. “Shizun is quite convinced that this disciple will draw a crowd.”

Shen Qingqiu scoffs. He’d read all about it, in Proud Immortal Demon Way! All those good for nothing little girls slowing down the protagonist, all because they’d entered a competition they were too young or incompetent for!

“Talent naturally breeds both envy and admiration,” Shen Qingqiu sniffs. “This simply isn’t the venue to indulge such a thing.”

If Shen Qingqiu has his way, Luo Binghe will be quite unburdened during this conference, and will hopefully get to save as much of his energy as possible for running away after his cradle seal has broken and Shen Qingqiu has died!

“Thank you,” Luo Binghe says, so sincere that it catches Shen Qingqiu a bit off guard. “To have Shizun’s care like this, this disciple truly treasures it.”

“Yes, well -” Shen Qingqiu breaks off, pulling away to snap open his fan and wave it lamely around. “So long as Binghe understands.”

Luo Binghe steps forward again, closing the distance that Shen Qingqiu had put between them. 

“Shizun, do you remember instructing this disciple to choose something he’d like for his birthday this year?”

Shen Qingqiu blinks, then casts a glance up at the gray winter sky.

“Has so much time passed already…?”

He knew logically how much time had passed since he’d gotten the System to delay the Abyss quest, of course - he’d counted each day of precious stolen time. 

It’s another thing entirely to add that time up as actually passing, and to recognize that Luo Binghe would be celebrating his eighteenth birthday in what could only be a month or two. 

Shen Qingqiu glances back at Luo Binghe, smiling warmly. 

“Yes, of course,” he says. “Tell this master what you’d like now; I’ll have it ready before the conference is over.”

Luo Binghe only shakes his head shyly, though. “This disciple wishes to ask after the conference has completed.”

“What, is Binghe’s wish so expensive that I must pay for it with the winnings of whatever bets I make today?” 

“It’s something that holds a very high value,” Luo Binghe agrees. “This disciple wouldn’t dare to ask for it without showing off a bit, first.”

Shen Qingqiu scoffs, raising his fan up to hide his displeased expression. Luo Binghe catches his hand, pulling it down, and looks down at him pleadingly.

“Please, Shizun - just watch this disciple for now, and I’ll prove that it’s worth it.”

Shen Qingqiu pulls his hand away, hiding behind his fan once more. “Obviously, this master’s most prized disciple is worth an expensive gift.”

It isn’t the price that puts him off, though. If Luo Binghe doesn’t tell him what he wants now, Shen Qingqiu simply won’t have the chance to prepare it for him. The first few hours of this conference - the time before all hell will break loose - will be Shen Qingqiu’s last chance to prepare anything for Luo Binghe, even if all he can do is write out a missive requesting someone else make the purchase on his behalf later.

…Also, the ‘high value’ thing that Luo Binghe might want…

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t really want to think about it.

“So long as Shizun will consider it,” Luo Binghe says. 

In the distance, a gong sounds, pulling their attention away from each other. The time for the disciples to assemble at the entrance to the conference grounds has come. 

Shen Qingqiu pulls himself up to his full height, looking over Luo Binghe’s face one more time to memorize the look of it, bright with youth and innocent determination. 

“Be safe, Binghe,” he says, and then he turns to send off the rest of the Qing Jing disciples too.

After the disciples have filed into the conference grounds, and the barriers have been put up around them, the sect masters and representatives left behind begin to mingle about.

All of this mingling is intolerably political, of course. Passive aggressive mentions of ‘oh, I heard your sect took your disciples on a night hunt near our territory,’ and ‘my, that’s quite a nice fabric in your robes, your sect must have stumbled across a windfall recently!’

And if a champion of passive aggressiveness must be crowned -

“And how is Cang Qiong finding their new guest?” The Huan Hua Palace Master asks, sidling up to Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu with an especially sleazy smile. “Shall Huan Hua send a few disciples to assist? After all, Cang Qiong was so adamant that our containment arrays could not last longer than a couple decades, and such insistence is often proof of one’s own… lack of capabilities, shall we say.”

“No need,” Yue Qingyuan replies cooly. “If the Palace Master must make such assumptions, then so be it - our sect prides itself in standing upright in the face of dishonorable intentions, after all.”

- then naturally, the prize would go to these two duking it out over Tianlang-Jun’s relocation!

“Honor must sound very noble, when a sect doesn’t have any more powerful traits to brand themselves with instead,” the Palace Master sneers.

“How interesting,” Yue Qingyuan says pleasantly. “I’ve personally always considered honor to be a show of great strength, as the only people who can afford honor are those who are strong enough to live with it.”

The Palace Master shakes his head. “Ah, Cang Qiong must really have free time after all, to bother with theorizing over such things. Perhaps Huan Hua should send a delegation after all, to fulfill the work in Cang Qiong’s territory that must be being neglected in favor of philosophical debates on honor.”

Alright, alright, Shen Qingqiu thinks, it was fun listening to you children snap at each other until you started insulting the very useful and interesting curriculum of a scholarly peak like Qing Jing, thank you!!

Shen Qingqiu closes his fan with a snap, drawing the attention of both men to himself. 

“Palace Master,” he says, smiling sharply. “Forgive the sudden question, but has Huan Hua been seeing a snake problem recently?”

The Palace Master’s smile freezes.

…Shen Qingqiu freezes as well. He’d only been planning on making a sly remark about how the whole lot of Huan Hua is no better than a den of snakes, but that… 

That had been the reaction of a man who is having a snake problem, no need for any metaphors on Shen Qingqiu’s part! What the fuck!!

Has Tianlang-Jun somehow managed to send his little snakes all the way out to Huan Hua already?! It hadn’t been that long since Shen Qingqiu had caught the little spy in his bamboo house; the distance between Qing Jing and Huan Hua is not so small that a snake could so easily and quickly traverse it!

And yet… There's no way that the ‘snake problem’ that the Palace Master is encountering is anything but Tianlang-Jun’s doing. This world had been crafted from that of a novel, after all - coincidences like this just don’t happen unless they’re plot relevant!

“Accusing a sect as golden and clean as ours of having a pest problem is certainly quite the leap, Master Shen,” the Palace Master says. “Have snakes been on the mind in the… exceptionally undeveloped lands of Qing Jing?”

“Oh, certainly not,” Shen Qingqiu says. “I keep cats.”

Well, he keeps little beasts that Liu Qingge brings him, which is mostly the same thing.

“Then?” The Palace Master prods, his smile stiff.

Shen Qingqiu taps his fan against his hand, considering. His original snippy line - forgive me, it only seemed as if the Palace Master’s mouth was wet with snake oil - feels downright weak now that he knows that Huan Hua is struggling with snakes. 

The question, of course, is whether he leans into it. 

If he does, he risks exposing the fact that he has seen a very important little snake on Qing Jing recently, and he doesn’t exactly want Yue Qingyuan to know that. He’d requested that the seals keeping critters out of Tianlang-Jun’s caves be put back up, sure, but he’d formally requested it as a punishment for the demon attacking Luo Binghe during their last courtship meeting.

Shen Qingqiu… really, really didn’t want his own peak to be subject to what surely would have been a very extensive extermination if Yue Qingyuan thought there were demonic influences on it! His bamboo was quite healthy without any interference, thank you!!

On the flip side, however, he had just learned that Huan Hua has a pest problem, which is perhaps some of the funniest news he’s heard in months!

“Master Shen?” The Palace Master prods. “Have you thought so deeply of the cats you keep that they’ve caught your tongue? No need to answer if they have - silence is indeed golden, and Huan Hua has always liked golden things.”

“No, no,” Shen Qingqiu says. “It’s only that I was trying to calculate out if we have the budget to assist Huan Hua. One of the major sects being infested with snakes is quite the serious issue, after all.”

“Oh? Is Cang Qiong struggling with funding?” The Palace Master sneers.

“Of course not - but if Huan Hua’s purse could not solve the issue, it must truly be an expensive one… unless - no, of course not.”

“What?”

“No, no, it’s silly,” Shen Qingqiu says, casting a covert glance around to ensure that there are at least several cultivators from other sects listening in. “I only thought - it can’t be that Huan Hua hasn’t spent a coin on trying to chase out their snakes, choosing instead to try and solve it on their own to save face?”

The Huan Hua Palace Master’s face goes blotchy and red, his smile extraordinarily stiff.

“Indeed, Master Shen has thought of quite the impossible theory after all,” he says.

“Of course,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Because such a theory would imply that Huan Hua’s disciple’s aren’t even good enough to catch snakes, but the Palace Master brought nearly half his disciples to this conference. With that many disciples qualified for such a rigorous competition, it would be foolish to think they couldn’t even catch a snake!”

Right on cue, a flare goes up within the conference grounds. All heads snap to the viewing arrays to see who has so quickly needed to pull out, and Shen Qingqiu snaps his fan open once more to hide a smug grin.

Front and center on the screens, Luo Binghe is bounding off from one of the drop off points, where he’d just herded a group of Huan Hua disciples to release their flares. Several of the Huan Hua disciples are sitting on the ground, massaging sore feet despite having been walking for less than half a day. One of them is crying. 

It is, without a doubt, a pathetic sight.

A low murmur of hushed voices pick up inside the pavilion where everyone is watching the event, sending furtive glances towards the Palace Master, whose face is now such a deep red it borders on purple. The words ‘snake problem’ can be heard more than once in the whispers of the gathered cultivators.

Shen Qingqiu takes that as his cue and swans away towards one of the sitting areas, because if he has to look at the Palace Master’s face any longer, he really won’t be able to contain his laughter!

Of course, Shen Qingqiu’s good humor doesn’t last too long. After he’s settled down to watch Luo Binghe compete, he becomes quickly aware that Luo Binghe is not saving energy by ditching the Huan Hua disciples as Shen Qingqiu had hoped. Sure, he has nobody he has to worry about protecting now, but he also has no one slowing him down!

Luo Binghe races through the conference grounds faster than he ever had in PIDW, taking down beasts so quickly and efficiently that his name shoots up in the rankings of competing disciples quickly. It’s impressive, and Shen Qingqiu hears several other cultivation masters commenting on Luo Binghe’s performance, but it’s also an expenditure of more energy than Shen Qingqiu would have preferred Luo Binghe to use in the early stages of the conference.

If Luo Binghe is winded when the Abyss opens, will he have the energy to run away from it? He’ll need to run far, too, far enough away that this massive gathering of cultivators won’t be able to chase him down as a likely culprit for the conference’s disaster. And what of the process of his cradle seal being broken? Surely that, too, will take a great amount of energy, considering it happens during such an epic fight with a beast normally outside a disciple’s capabilities. What if Luo Binghe is so tired that he won’t have the energy to heal himself after the fight? Would he be able to run away fast enough? Would he leave a trail of blood behind that cultivators would be able to track?

By the time the first sign something is wrong appears, Shen Qingqiu is wound up so tightly he springs up from his seat with far too little dignity for his aloof immortal persona. 

“Shen-Shixiong?” Mu Qingfang calls, looking up at him from his seat beside where Shen Qingqiu had made himself at home.

“Those monsters are too strong for this event,” Shen Qingqiu says, waving vaguely at the screens. “Something is wrong.”

A cultivator from Huan Hua sneers at Shen Qingqiu. “Master Shen is certainly skilled at jumping to the worst conclusion. It’s only a few beasts.”

“Indeed,” Shen Qingqiu snaps back. “I’d wager I’m more skilled at assessing the safety of this event than Huan Hua, at least, considering nearly all of their entered disciples have pulled out for lack of capability by this point.”

The Huan Hua cultivator goes red, mouth open to retort, but he doesn’t get the chance.

“No, something is wrong,” says a cultivator from Tian Yi Overlook. “Look - a Seven-Mouthed Wolf. Not even a senior cultivator can easily take on one of those alone.”

“And that’s a Silver-Winged Gorilla!” Calls another.

Nervous chatter breaks out amongst the spectators, and Shen Qingqiu, every muscle tense with the anticipation of this moment, decides that’s all the encouragement he needs.

“We can’t lower the barrier around the conference grounds without releasing the beasts onto the surrounding towns,” Shen Qingqiu says, “so we must go rescue our disciples ourselves.”

He doesn’t wait to hear how everyone responds - he’s halfway to the conference grounds himself before the rest of the spectators begin to collect themselves enough to stand and act in turn. He doesn’t have time to waste. 

If Luo Binghe pushed himself too hard in the first half of the day, then Shen Qingqiu will have to fight the Black Moon Rhinoceros Python in his place. 

He will not allow the disciple he is planning on giving up his life for to be hurt!

First, though, he has to find Luo Binghe. He’d been making mental note of any landmarks near Luo Binghe through the viewing arrays back at the spectator’s pavilion, but they hadn’t been so numerous as to make tracking Luo Binghe down easy. And when he does find one of the recent landmarks he’d made note of, the air around it is thick with demonic energy, and he realizes quite suddenly that he didn’t have to bother with this shit to begin with.

After all, if he just chases the source of the demonic energy, he’d naturally end up on the edge of the Abyss when it opens, where Luo Binghe will surely be waiting. 

More confident in his directioning, Shen Qingqiu speeds up, dropping Xiu Ya to the ground and hopping onto it, racing through the forest while hovering only a few feet off the ground. It would be easier and faster to rise above the treeline, but on the forest floor he has a clear view of what’s around him. 

He throws up flares when he sees other disciples, and the one time he sees a Qing Jing disciple he stops briefly to make sure they’re alright and to offload some defensive talismans on them, but otherwise he doesn’t stop. He only pushes himself faster and faster and faster -

And then he spills out into a clearing, the plant life that had been here devastated by thick demonic qi and the turmoil of battle. Despite the way the ground has been torn up, though, the snow is thicker in this part of the woods than it had been elsewhere, frost creeping up the stumps of what had been proud trees just minutes ago.

And there, at the center of the clearing, Luo Binghe is standing off against Mobei-Jun.

Fuck! What the fuck!! Shen Qingqiu thinks, but he doesn’t slow down.

Instead, he shoots himself at Mobei-Jun, watching the distance close between them. When he’s close enough that Mobei-Jun starts to turn his attention off of Luo Binghe and towards Shen Qingqiu, he jumps off Xiu Ya but continues to propel the sword forward, feeding it another burst of his qi through his feet as he kicks it off in Mobei-Jun’s direction. 

Mobei-Jun starts to move out of the way, but not quickly enough: Xiu Ya pierces through his shoulder.

“I wasn’t aware that demonic nobility made it a habit to pick fights with kids,” Shen Qingqiu seethes, planting himself between Mobei-Jun and Luo Binghe. 

Inwardly, he thinks: fuck shit motherfucking DAMN IT, Shang Qinghua!! I’ll tear off your ears and make you lick them clean from your crusty-ass earwax, if I ever see you again!! 

What the fuck is your boss doing here instead of the Black Moon Rhinoceros Python?!!

“Shizun!” Luo Binghe calls, racing up to stand by Shen Qingqiu’s side. “Shizun, he appeared at the same time the energy in this part of the forest became so thick.”

Shen Qingqiu nods in acknowledgement, but carefully keeps Luo Binghe behind him. He raises a hand to call Xiu Ya back to him, swinging the sword in a quick arc to fling off Mobei-Jun’s blood once it’s back in his hand.

Mobei-Jun watches the blade with mild interest, and then his gaze slides over Shen Qingqiu to rest on Luo Binghe, instead.

“Humans don’t often make it a habit to pick up interesting things, either,” he says, and Shen Qingqiu carefully side steps to block Mobei-Jun’s view of Luo Binghe.

“Shizun, I can fight him,” Luo Binghe calls from behind him, and Shen Qingqiu sends him a withering glare over his shoulder.

“You,” Shen Qingqiu hisses, “are going to stay safe. Stay behind me.”

Mobei-Jun watches them a moment longer, then shrugs. “I’ll kill you first, then,” he says, completely indifferent, and then launches himself at Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Qingqiu parries his first blow, the force of it wringing through his bones and making his jaw snap shut so fast his teeth ache. He blows back the second attack with a pulse of spiritual energy as his sword hand is still swinging back up into a defensive position, and then - 

- the third attack, a set of crude icicles that manifest in Shen Qingqiu’s blind spot, spear Shen Qingqiu’s waist in two separate places.

Shen Qingqiu stumbles forward from the force of their impalement with a gasp. Behind him, Luo Binghe screams, and Shen Qingqiu hears the sound of several other icicles being shattered as Luo Binghe tears through them. 

“Stay back,” Shen Qingqiu tries to scold him, but it comes out winded and pained, and Luo Binghe surges even further forward at the sound of it.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!! Shen Qingqiu tries to right himself, but the icicles in his waist begin to spread frost from their points of entry, dangerous and fast enough that Shen Qingqiu has to rip both icicles out of him to prevent being frozen over entirely. He tears them out recklessly, unable to spare a moment of true care for them as he still has to use his other hand to direct Xiu Ya to fend off Mobei-Jun a bit longer.

Removing the icicles from his torso and using his qi to burn out the frost means that his blood is suddenly pouring out of him through both wounds, though, and he staggers at the sudden dizziness from losing so much blood so quickly. Xiu Ya falls from the air where it had been slicing through the icicles Mobei-Jun had been summoning, and Luo Binghe has to jump backwards into a more defensive position once more at the sudden lack of support.

Shen Qingqiu hardly notices, though. His vision has gone fuzzy at the edges, and he stares numbly down at where blood is pouring from the holes in his waist.

It’s bad. It’s bad enough that, for one awful moment, Shen Qingqiu thinks he won’t even get to have his grand moment of denying the System and saving Luo Binghe from the Abyss. His cultivation isn’t good enough to heal this as quickly as he needs to to avoid dying from blood loss, and Mobei-Jun is still actively advancing on them both.

Shen Qingqiu… can’t help but feel a bit pathetic. All that - all his resolutions to let the System take his life so that Luo Binghe could avoid the Abyss - and Shen Qingqiu won’t even survive an encounter with the boss monster standing between them and that critical event.

All that, and Shen Qingqiu… fuck, it hurts! It hurts, and he’s really going to die here, and he’s trying so fucking hard to recenter himself at least enough to control Xiu Ya and help Luo Binghe with his fight with Mobei-Jun, and -

And then the blood under Shen Qingqiu’s skin buzzes, and the flesh knits itself back together so quickly that Shen Qingqiu can see it happening. It’s not the sort of healing that even a cultivator as advanced as Shen Qingqiu could accomplish.

Almost immediately after Shen Qingqiu’s injuries begin healing themselves, Mobei-Jun leaps backwards from Luo Binghe to create space between them.

“...Another one?” Mobei-Jun mutters, scenting the air cautiously. 

He’s watching Shen Qingqiu with newfound wariness, watching the way his wounds are healing themselves so quickly, and his stance is suddenly defensive. His eyes dart to the treeline, then back to Luo Binghe, then back to the treeline again as he scents the air once more.

Then he takes a hesitant step back, and another one, and then quickly turns and disappears through a rift in the shadows beneath a tree.

Shen Qingqiu stares at the space he disappeared from numbly, then looks down at his freshly healed wounds. 

So not even Mobei-Jun is bold enough to stand his ground if he smells the blood of two Heavenly Demons in the air around him, he thinks, and then: Fuck, I really didn’t avoid Tianlang-Jun’s blood after all. Fuck!! To survive this only to know that I’m the hostage of some asshole, no good, deadbeat dad -

And then Shen Qingqiu, no longer in mortal danger but still with far less blood in his body than he should have, falls forward and passes out.

---

[Recalculating mission lines...]

[Abyssal opening not found. Protagonist’s cradle seal remains intact.]

[Recalculating mission lines...]

[Mission DILF resumed. Critical Quest: Endless Abyss and Endless Hatred paused until further notice.]

---

Shen Qingqiu visits Tianlang-Jun’s cave-prison two weeks after the Immortal Alliance Conference. 

He’d have preferred to visit immediately, but there were other priorities to take care of first: tending to the disciples that had been injured in the attack, sitting through several insufferable meetings where every sect pointed fingers at one another trying to figure out who should shoulder the blame, and hunting down every last beast that had been released on the conference grounds and either killing or relocating it.

Even after that, Shen Qingqiu was forbidden from moving around too much, in part because his martial siblings were all mother hens who fussed any time Shen Qingqiu so much as got a papercut, and in part because Mu Qingfang was simply so busy tending to wounded disciples that he didn’t have the bandwidth to help Shen Qingqiu make his desired visit. 

The visit couldn’t happen without Mu Qingfang, either - for those two weeks, Shen Qingqiu had been walking around with a very carefully placed silver needle sticking out the back of his neck, disrupting Shen Qingqiu’s qi flow. It didn’t diminish the power Tianlang-Jun’s blood would have over him, but it did render Shen Qingqiu mostly harmless should Tianlang-Jun decide to puppet his hostage around.

It was only after things had calmed down and everyone had taken some time to rest that it was decided that that stupid little needle was not a permanent solution after all, and that Shen Qingqiu’s plea to visit Tianlang-Jun was actually quite urgent and should be acted on right away.

Their party is largely similar to the one from when Shen Qingqiu had first met Tianlang-Jun. Yue Qingyuan as their leader, Liu Qingge and Cang Qiong’s best array master for firepower should things go wrong, and Mu Qingfang as Shen Qingqiu’s doctor. 

Of course, this time Cang Qiong is requesting that Tianlang-Jun remove something from Shen Qingqiu rather than - ahem - put something in. 

Tianlang-Jun smiles blandly at them as they enter his cave, waving his fingers awkwardly from where they’re bound together.

“How kind of Cang Qiong to come and visit,” he says. His eyes drift past Shen Qingqiu, noticing instantly who is missing from their group. “Master Shen, you haven’t brought the boy along today?”

“No,” Shen Qingqiu snaps with more force than he intends. “Tianlang-Jun made it quite clear that he has no desire to see Luo Binghe any more than he has to.”

Mu Qingfang sends Shen Qingqiu a significant look, and Shen Qingqiu looks away stubbornly. So what if that came out more bitter than he intended! So what if they had all agreed that they’d have to play nice today!! So what if Shen Qingqiu’s life may depend on Tianlang-Jun listening obediently to them!!!

…After a moment’s consideration, Shen Qingqiu clears his throat.

“Let bygones be bygones,” he says, still a bit reluctant. 

Yue Qingyuan steps forward, drawing Tianlang-Jun’s attention. 

“Today, Cang Qiong has come to recognize our debt to Tianlang-Jun,” he says.

“I don’t suppose that means letting me out, little Yue Qi?” Tianlang-Jun says, his smile turning sharp. 

“A debt taken by force can only be returned by force,” Yue Qingyuan says. “Shen-Shidi did not wish to take Tianlang-Jun’s blood parasites within himself; surely a fair reward would be one that benefits Tianlang-Jun in a similarly unwanted way.”

Tianlang-Jun snorts. “Surely,” he agrees. “Then: I would simply despise being let out of this wretched sect of yours.”

Shen Qingqiu snaps his fan open, narrowing his eyes over the top of it. “Tianlang-Jun dares to pretend such a thing when he’s previously drawn his own blood to prove his feelings on the topic in the past?”

“Oops,” Tianlang-Jun says, splaying his hands as wide as he can while still bound at the wrists. “Caught me!”

Behind his fan, Shen Qingqiu’s lip curls in dissatisfaction. Oh, he hates this man! Especially when he grins like that, as if ‘roguish and charming’ is a look that he can pull off better than his own son! Well - he can’t!!

“Still,” Tianlang-Jun drawls, “aren’t you all being rather presumptuous, knowing that I’ve got a blade to your Master Shen’s neck? Shouldn’t you all be groveling, or desperately trying to make a deal, hm?”

“Tianlang-Jun had his blood in me for nearly a month without even calling attention to it,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Although your blood is quite dangerous, it also isn’t hard to figure out that it may not actually be so easy for you to make good on a threat like that, or else you surely would have issued it earlier.”

“Maybe I would have,” Tianlang-Jun says, “had I not gotten distracted with… other things.”

As he says it, a flash of movement catches Shen Qingqiu’s eyes, and he spots a little green snake darting into a crevice of the far wall of the cave.

Shen Qingqiu scowls. So Tianlang-Jun and his snakes had managed to do something to get around the no-critters-allowed containment array this time, then. Perhaps Tianlang-Jun had been keeping some snakes in the cave with him at all times and had been able to use them as go-betweens.

Tianlang-Jun watches Shen Qingqiu for a moment longer before he drops his smile, leaning back with a sigh.

“Pay it no mind,” he says, turning his head away. “Master Shen, I have no warm feelings towards you nor your disciple, but I can recognize when I am done a favor. No need for Cang Qiong to repay me for healing you; it was already a repayment in itself.”

Shen Qingqiu tilts his chin up, looking down at Tianlang-Jun.

“I wouldn’t call it a favor when you didn’t wish to receive information from me directly and in the end only got it by spying,” he says bitterly. “But better late than never, I suppose.” 

Yue Qingyuan darts his eyes between the two of them. “Then, the courtship between Shen-Shidi and Tianlang-Jun was not quite such a failure after all…?”

Tianlang-Jun barks out a laugh in the same moment that Shen Qingqiu pulls his fan up higher to hide his expression of disgust.

“No, no,” Tianlang-Jun laughs, “Master Shen is truly not my type! Only ever mean in ways that aren’t so fun, and only ever indulgent to the rest of his own lot!”

“I’d rather take another icicle to the chest than sit through another miserable courtship meeting with this man,” Shen Qingqiu agrees solemnly. 

“Was that what impaled you so horribly?” Tianlang-Jun wonders. “Master Shen, did you have a ski trip go awry? Slip and fall into a snowbank? Try to stick your dick somewhere you shouldn’t have for a bit of temperature play?”

“Zhangmen-Shixiong,” Shen Qingqiu says loudly, “Cang Qiong will be offering Huan Hua assistance with their little pest problem, won’t we? I’ve recently decided that snakes are one of the largest potential threats to the righteous sects, and it would only be good of us to help.”

“Aiya, truly no fun at all!” Tianlang-Jun cries. 

Yue Qingyuan glances between them again before fixing Shen Qingqiu with the firm but undeniably disappointed look of an older brother who’s just realized their sibling has been keeping secrets.

“Shen-Shidi can explain to all of us the importance of Huan Hua’s snake infestation - and whatever was done to earn Tianlang-Jun’s favor if it was not simply a byproduct of the courtship you both claim to be so unsuccessful - at the next Peak Lord’s meeting,” he says disapprovingly, and Shen Qingqiu shifts his fan to be a barrier between himself and Yue Qingyuan’s scolding.

“A topic for a later date, then,” Mu Qingfang says pointedly. “For now, we still have some business with Tianlang-Jun, if he is no longer quite so opposed to assisting our sect with a small matter.”

“Don’t get it confused,” Tianlang-Jun warns, some of the mirth slipping from his voice. “Master Shen may get a pass for the service he rendered to me, but I’d still gladly taste the blood of the rest of you lot.”

“Assisting Shen-Shixiong specifically, then,” Mu Qingfang corrects. “If Tianlang-Jun would not mind removing his blood parasites from him?”

“Hm,” Tianlang-Jun says. “And what if I do mind?”

“Perhaps you could learn to mind less if I were to drag some of your already lacking mind out through your ear,” Shen Qingqiu scoffs. “You have no real desire to kill me or else you already would have, and I doubt you care enough about me to bother healing me a second time. There is no point in keeping your blood in me any longer; remove it.”

“Oh, what a shame, I’ve quite grown to like the arrangement of my current head and its contents,” Tianlang-Jun tuts. “Unfortunately, it simply cannot be done - blood can be added, but it cannot be removed.”

The assembled peak lords shift uncomfortably. Shen Qingqiu grits his teeth, but he finds himself woefully unsurprised.

After all, for as often as the Luo Binghe in Proud Immortal Demon Way had used his blood parasites, there had never been a single scene in which they had been removed from someone. It was truly a poison more permanent than Without-a-Cure.

“Ah, such sour faces!” Tianlang-Jun cries. “Master Shen, how’s this - there’s a question I have about the information you provided me, one I haven’t been able to find the answer for on my own. If Master Shen can answer it, I’ll answer how to neutralize the blood.”

“Provided is a very strong word for having my personal things rifled through by your little pets,” Shen Qingqiu snaps. 

Tianlang-Jun raises his eyebrows wordlessly. Shen Qingqiu scowls, but snaps his fan closed and nods once sharply. 

So be it - if there’s truly a way to neutralize a Heavenly Demon’s blood, then it would be worth it to try and answer Tianlang-Jun’s question now. He’ll already have to come clean to his martial siblings about his private investigation of Huan Hua and the motivations behind it; may as well say some of it now.

“Master Shen’s notes made it seem as if it was not a betrayal that befell me, but rather foul play,” Tianlang-Jun says slowly. “A poison, delivered to someone who wished to remain loyal to me.”

Shen Qingqiu nods once more. Tianlang-Jun watches him carefully.

“What I wish to know,” he says slowly, “is how you are so sure. The evidence is not very strong, even within the records that the wretched Palace Master himself keeps.”

Shen Qingqiu considers Tianlang-Jun for a long moment. Obviously, his meta knowledge can’t exactly stand to muster here, nor can he easily blame Shang Qinghua for his surety.

In the end, he turns to Mu Qingfang. 

“Mu-Shidi,” he says, “How many ways could a cultivator abort a child within their own womb?”

Mu Qingfang startles. “Well - even if they don’t have access to any medicines, there are still several simple ways to take care of such a thing with our own qi. Our golden cores lay so close to where a womb would grow that it’s actually quite common for a birthing parent to have scares during pregnancy due to not controlling their own qi tightly enough and poisoning the fetus with their own excess of spiritual energy.”

“So a cultivator would never carry a child to term that they did not want?”

“Certainly not.”

Shen Qingqiu turns back to Tianlang-Jun. Tianlang-Jun is staring at Mu Qingfang, his jaw held tight but his eyes wide with wonder.

“I see,” he says softly. “Then - indeed, I was not betrayed.”

“Not by the person you had thought, at least,” Shen Qingqiu agrees. 

Mu Qingfang opens his mouth, closes it and thinks for a moment, then opens it again.

“Shen-Shixiong,” he says hesitantly, “I don’t mean to presume, but - is there a child you know about?”

“Please,” Yue Qingyuan says, his shoulders stiff, “presume away, Mu-Shidi. Shen-Shidi - is there another Heavenly Demon alive?”

Tianlang-Jun snorts, and then tips his head back to laugh aloud, louder and louder until it sounds real and joyous instead of mocking and frivolous.

“A child!” He crows. “Indeed, there’s a child!”

“You already said you don’t want him,” Shen Qingqiu says accusingly. “You don’t get to take that back.”

“Shen-Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan hisses. “You knew of another Heavenly Demon?!”

“No worries, Master Shen,” Tianlang-Jun says, his voice still light with laughter. “I meant what I said; I have no interest in the boy. I did not raise him, and his loyalty is not with me.”

“Good,” Shen Qingqiu sniffs, waving off Yue Qingyuan’s increasingly frantic attempts to get his attention. “It’s Tianlang-Jun’s turn to answer a question, then: how can I neutralize your blood, if it truly cannot be removed?”

“I barely managed to get a drop in you, it can be overridden easily,” Tianlang-Jun says with a shrug. “Call your disciple in.”

Dread pooling in his gut, Shen Qingqiu whips around to look at the cave entrance. Indeed, there’s Luo Binghe, very much not back on Qing Jing as Shen Qingqiu had instructed him to be.

Fuck!! They’d totally forgotten to close the alarm and containment arrays back up behind them once they’d passed through the entrance to the cave!!

“Luo. Bing. He!” Shen Qingqiu shouts. “Are you my disciple, or aren’t you?”

“Luo-Shizhi?” Mu Qingfang murmurs beside him, and then: “How old was that disciple, again?”

Luo Binghe, for his part, looks not even a little ashamed at having tailed his master against orders. 

“Of course, this disciple is Shizun’s,” he says, stepping further into the cave and approaching their group. 

“Then listen to me and go home -”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe calls, stopping in front of Shen Qingqiu. “That man is my father, isn’t he?”

Distantly, Shen Qingqiu registers the quiet gasp of surprise from Yue Qingyuan, and the metallic ringing of Liu Qingge drawing his sword. 

“That - Binghe must have misunderstood something,” Shen Qingqiu says, darting a glance towards his martial siblings. Mu Qingfang looks as if he’s just had an epiphany.

“How could it be misunderstood, when Shizun was the one to so clearly explain Tianlang-Jun’s past to this disciple?”

“I told you that Tianlang-Jun knew your father,” Shen Qingqiu hisses. 

In fact, Shen Qingqiu had explicitly told Luo Binghe that with the intention of it being used as a cover story in front of the other peak lords; what the fuck does Luo Binghe think he’s doing, blowing straight through that cover while some of Shen Qingqiu’s most powerful martial siblings can all hear him?!

Luo Binghe’s expression softens a bit, but he doesn’t turn around and go home, so Shen Qingqiu stubbornly keeps glaring at him.

“It meant a lot to this disciple that Shizun would lie to create a story that would help keep me safe,” Luo Binghe says. “But Shizun… is truly the only cultivator I’ve known to hold the misconception that two men cannot have a child together. It isn’t actually less suspicious if Tianlang-Jun had held a relationship with my ‘father’ instead of my mother.”

Shen Qingqiu opens his mouth only to find that he doesn’t know which part to respond to. What?!

In his silence, Tianlang-Jun cheerily offers: “Oh, Xiyan taking the role of a man is not an unfamiliar roleplay!”

“Besides,” Luo Binghe adds, glancing towards Tianlang-Jun in irritation, “Tianlang-Jun had already mentioned my mother in the past, though I’d misunderstood the intention behind his insults at that time. Either way, despite Shizun’s good intentions, the cover story you tried to give me isn't any good.”

Shen Qingqiu’s mouth only gapes open further. He - fuck!! Tianlang-Jun had totally mentioned Luo Binghe’s mother in the past, hadn’t he?! 

“There’s really another Heavenly Demon,” Yue Qingyuan says weakly. “There’s - this whole time - there was another one!”

“Is it such a surprise?” Tianlang-Jun asks, sounding genuinely curious. “I’d thought Master Shen had been rather obvious about trying to put together a family reunion - although, admittedly, I’ve always thought humans were more strict about keeping such family matters outside of bed, so the involvement of a courtship was certainly interesting!”

Shen Qingqiu blanches. “No, no no no, there’s been a misunderstanding here -”

“And you knew?” Yue Qingyuan asks, turning on Shen Qingqiu. “This - Shen-Shidi, have you known since you took Luo-Shizhi as a disciple?”

Shen Qingqiu takes half a step back. His hearing feels off, somehow, as if he’s standing in the middle of a roaring river and unable to hear past the sound of the water. Blindly, he reaches  beside him for Luo Binghe. 

Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu thinks near hysterically, if you really appreciated this master’s apparently shoddy attempts to give you a cover story, why did you go and blow it all open in front of so many powerful cultivators, ah?!

“My memory has been spotty since the qi deviation years ago, how could I claim a timeline to any particular piece of knowledge?” Shen Qingqiu bullshits, catching Luo Binghe’s hand in his and tugging him closer, trying to shield him behind his own body. “But if this is going to be a problem -”

“A problem?” Yue Qingyuan echos in disbelief. 

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes dart to Liu Qingge, still on guard and with Cheng Luan drawn, and Yue Qingyuan follows his gaze. 

Then, to Shen Qingqiu’s disbelief, Yue Qingyuan turns on Liu Qingge, not the demon that Liu Qingge is pointing his sword at.

“Liu-Shidi, stand down!” Yue Qingyuan snaps, his usual calmness nowhere to be found. Then, to Shen Qingqiu: “Shen-Shidi, the only problem is that we’ve wasted our time with -”

Yue Qingyuan breaks off, gesturing in Tianlang-Jun’s direction.

“A vastly more dangerous option than the one we already had under our noses,” Mu Qingfang finishes for him. “If we’d only known - tsk, I can’t believe I never picked up on it sooner, I examined that boy myself every time you dragged him over to my own peak when he got the sniffles!”

Shen Qingqiu suddenly has a very, very bad feeling.

“You can’t be suggesting that -”

“Shixiong,” Mu Qingfang says, “you had the medicine right here this whole time. In a much more palatable form, even - Luo-Shizhi’s hardly a danger to you!”

Shen Qingqiu gapes at him, horrified. This is indeed much worse than Luo Binghe’s own attempts at suggesting this. At least those had been said in half-truths and driven by Luo Binghe’s guilt; the martial siblings of Shen Qingqiu’s actually mean it!

“I can’t do that with a child!”

“How old are you now, Shizhi?” Yue Qingyuan says with all the intensity of a sect leader needing answers right this very second. 

“How long has Tianlang-Jun been sealed,” Mu Qingfang mutters.

“This disciple is eighteen,” Luo Binghe recites dutifully, only for Shen Qingqiu to shoot him with his most poisonous glare. 

“Seventeen,” he corrects viciously. “You are seventeen.”

“This disciple will be eighteen in nearly a month’s time,” Luo Binghe allows.

Yue Qingyuan nods. “That’s fine, that’s - we can work with that. We’ll start with announcing your engagement to Shen-Shidi, and -”

“Absolutely not!” Shen Qingqiu yells.

“- the wedding can happen after you receive your guan in two year’s time,” Yue Qingyuan continues, not even acknowledging Shen Qingqiu’s outburst. 

“You would have Cang Qiong’s second in command marry a child?!” Shen Qingqiu hisses. 

“It’s not unheard of,” Mu Qingfang says. “And in any case, it’s significantly less politically damaging than if it had gotten out that Shixiong had been pursuing a courtship with a prisoner.”

“Then un- hear of it,” Shen Qingqiu snaps. “I won't even be considering this!”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe calls, voice low enough that it makes Shen Qingqiu realize just how shrill his own voice had gotten. “What this disciple wanted to ask for as a birthday gift - this was it.”

“To be robbed straight from your cradle?!” Shen Qingqiu asks only a little bit hysterically.

“For Shizun to take my courtship seriously,” Luo Binghe corrects. “Even if I still hadn’t figured out how to use my bloodline, I just wanted Shizun to consider it earnestly.”

“That - Binghe was only feeling bad for this master -”

“I wasn’t,” Luo Binghe insists, squeezing Shen Qingqiu’s hand tightly.

Which - oh, fuck, have they been holding hands this whole time, while Yue Qingyuan has been talking about marrying them off?!

Shen Qingqiu quickly tries to release Luo Binghe’s hand, but Luo Binghe’s grip is firm. 

“Of course I want to heal Shizun, and to make right the poison that Shizun took on my behalf all those years ago,” Luo Binghe continues. “But - Shizun, it’s for entirely selfish reasons that I want to be the one to cure Shizun personally, now that I know I have the ability to.”

“You’ve only gotten things mixed up in your head -!”

“Then isn’t it enough that I listen to my heart alone?” Luo Binghe interrupts. “Shizun, please at least think about it. Don’t we fit well together?”

“As very teacher-and-disciple shaped puzzle pieces!” Shen Qingqiu cries. “If you put those together in the wrong shape, the picture will become especially ugly!!”

“In this world, who else would Shizun fit with?” Luo Binghe says, his shoulders set with determination. “When Shizun returns from a night hunt, who does he see first?”

“Naturally it’s the disciple who lives in my own house! Should I be returning to someone else’s house first?!”

“When Shizun is tired or cold or irritated, who’s qin playing does he ask to hear? Who’s cooking does he wish to eat?”

“Is it so wrong to ask to hear the qin playing of the student at the top of the class?” Shen Qingqiu asks, starting to feel defensive.

“And when Shizun wants to have tea with someone, does he decide who to invite by looking at his disciples’ grades then, too?” Luo Binghe asks. “When Shizun wants to complain about a book that he’s read, does he only complain to me because I’m qualified in my education?”

“Of - of course not, that’s -”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe insists, “the way that you live your life - I enjoy living it with you. That Shizun enjoys living it with me, too, is my greatest joy.”

Shen Qingqiu’s mouth falls slightly open, his face flushing a furious pink. 

“That - Binghe is still so young, he simply hasn’t met enough pretty young ladies to know what he wants -”

“This disciple has met plenty,” Luo Binghe says wryly. “Shizun shoos me off to talk with every young lady we encounter on a nighthunt, and sends me exclusively when an errand needs running to Xian Shu. None of them have ever compared to Shizun.”

Shen Qingqiu’s mouth works silently. Obviously, Luo Binghe can’t mean that, because Luo Binghe isn’t bent so crooked as to think any man can be prettier than a young lady.

But Luo Binghe also is the same person who just told Shen Qingqiu very seriously that two men can have a child together, and that isn’t the sort of thought that normal straight men have, is it?? 

“Well,” Shen Qingqiu says uselessly, “Binghe will surely change his mind once he’s older, then.”

“This disciple will always defer to Shizun’s understanding of a matter,” Luo Binghe lies. “But Shizun, you’ve only protested with this disciple’s age and experience.”

“Are age and experience not important factors?” Shen Qingqiu snaps. 

“Not if Shizun is only saying no for these reasons,” Luo Binghe says, “and makes no protests in regards to his own feelings.”

Shen Qingqiu stares at Luo Binghe. “Surely, saying that I’m not about to even consider a child counts as a protest backed by my own feelings!”

“Then, if this disciple were at an age that Shizun considered to be an adult, would Shizun agree to a serious courtship?”

Shen Qingqiu stares some more. Naturally, he’s never been attracted to a man before - he’s as straight as they get! Even if he imagined Luo Binghe as older, with his shoulders filled out a bit more -

- Ahem, well, anyone would like the look of a tall, broad handsome man! That’s natural! Just turn your eyes to the dependable Yue Qingyuan for reference!! 

But, ah, setting aside appearances, if Shen Qingqiu imagined Luo Binghe all grown up and his attitude a bit less playful - 

- well, no, Shen Qingqiu likes how playful Luo Binghe is, so maybe, ah, if Luo Binghe were - fuck, what other things come with being older?? Shen Qingqiu’s brain isn’t working right, it’s too busy processing all the bullshit that’s happened in the last ten minutes! Focus, focus, focus -!

Luo Binghe’s hand, still tangled with Shen Qingqiu’s, is sweaty. The tips of his ears are a bright red where they peek out from his hair, and though his shoulders are drawn up with his determination, his muscles are tight with nerves.

He looks like the answer to this question really matters to him. Shen Qingqiu swallows thickly.

If Luo Binghe weren’t a child…

…Well, he is the protagonist. Isn’t it the nature of this world for anyone the protagonist sets his sights on to fall for them?

Something must show on Shen Qingqiu’s face, because Luo Binghe suddenly breaks out into a wide grin, his cheeks flushing.

“Shizun,” he breathes. Then he gathers himself, pushing himself closer into Shen Qingqiu’s space. “What age, then? For Shizun to consider me seriously, how old does this disciple have to be?”

Shen Qingqiu, who cannot be said to be older than 27 with both his lives added together, says the first number that comes to mind.

“35, at least!” He snaps, grasping desperately for his lost dignity. “No, 40!”

Luo Binghe leans back, looking moderately displeased. “Hm,” he says, in clear disagreement.

Then he turns, looking back at Yue Qingyuan, and oh fuck Shen Qingqiu’s martial siblings have been watching this whole fucking time -!!

“This disciple will have him convinced by my guan ceremony,” Luo Binghe says, with far too much bravado for a man who just got told that he should wait another two decades instead of two years. “Troubling Zhangmen-Shibo with the preparations before then.”

“You - you didn’t listen to me at all, you brat -!” Shen Qingqiu cries as Yue Qingyuan nods sagely. “This master will have you wait until you’re fifty -”

“My, what a show!” Tianlang-Jun laughs. At the sound of his voice, Luo Binghe turns to face him, clearly having remembered what started this whole thing.

“That’s right,” he says, “I’d originally made myself known to ask: how do I activate my own blood parasites? Tianlang-Jun claims it’s simple to override his own, but Shizun has carried my own blood within him since before the Immortal Alliance Conference, and clearly it was Tianlang-Jun who had power over Shizun’s body at that time.”

Shen Qingqiu gapes at Luo Binghe in betrayal. Just when did this brat feed him his blood parasites? Just when did he start even thinking of using his demonic heritage in this sort of way? 

That’s a bit beyond just figuring out how to unseal his powers to cure Without-a-Cure, ah!!

“Luo-Shizhi likely has some sort of cradle seal on his demonic heritage,” Mu Qingfang says. “Or else surely I would have realized the bloodline you possessed after inspecting your qi in the past.”

And Mu Qingfang, what is with this bitter tone!! Is your biggest reaction to this whole sequence of events truly just the disappointment that you hadn’t discovered this part of Luo Binghe’s medical history on your own?!

“A seal would be likely,” Tianlang-Jun agrees.

“I already know that much - how do I remove it?” Luo Binghe prods, but Tianlang-Jun only shrugs.

“It might break if you were in mortal danger,” he suggests. “Maybe try ramming yourself into something dangerous?”

Liu Qingge, who until now had just been silently watching the exchange, trying to keep up with what really seemed like far too much of an emotional conversation for it to have any real importance, perks up. 

“I can be dangerous,” he offers, looking far too pleased with the idea of being dangerous in the direction of Shen Qingqiu’s prized disciple.

“Then it’s settled,” Yue Qingyuan says. “Two years for Luo-Shizhi to break his seal, and for Shen-Shidi to adjust to the idea of his new treatment plan.”

“I haven’t agreed to any of this yet,” Shen Qingqiu protests.

“Shixiong knows,” Yue Qingyuan says pleasantly. He truly looks beyond relieved with the knowledge that Cang Qiong has been raising a little Heavenly Demon to be loyal to them this whole time. 

“Then you must understand how impossible this all is!” Shen Qingqiu cries.

Yue Qingyuan’s smile doesn’t waver.

“Shen-Shidi,” he says, “this Shixiong apologizes for trying to scold you for being so indulgent to Luo-Shizhi in the past. For this, it’s alright.”

“I won’t be indulging this -!”

“Shen-Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan says, his tone turning a bit admonishing. “When this Shixiong scolded you in the past, it wasn’t that Shen-Shidi was naturally disobedient. Rather…”

“If Luo-Shizhi sneezed in the direction of a fancy new qin any time in the last several years,” Mu Qingfang says, “then Shen-Shixiong would have both bought him the qin and dragged him to my peak for an urgent medical assessment within the afternoon.”

“If Luo-Shizhi has two years to ask for a single thing…” Yue Qingyuan trails off.

“Do you all honestly think I can’t say ‘no’ to something as big as this?!” Shen Qingqiu asks in utter disbelief. “That isn’t -”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe calls, and Shen Qingqiu - against his will, mind you! - turns to look at him instinctively. 

“What now ,” he asks, feeling especially grouchy. 

Luo Binghe’s eyes curve into pleased crescents, his cheeks still flushed with pleased admiration. “Shizun, this disciple will work hard.”

Shen Qingqiu turns his head away quickly, unwilling to face that earnest expression of Luo Binghe’s any longer.

“You’ll do whatever you want, I’m sure,” he grumbles.

Luo Binghe’s hand around his tightens once more, then gently lets go, finally giving Shen Qingqiu a bit of space to think without the heat of Luo Binghe’s skin against his.

Fuck. If Luo Binghe is going to truly pursue Shen Qingqiu for two entire years, Shen Qingqiu…

…ah, he really doesn’t have a chance!!

---

[Mission DILF complete. Critical Quest: Endless Abyss and Endless Hatred has been downgraded from mandatory to suggested.]

[Completion of Mission DILF has successfully upgraded Host’s role from Scum Villain to DILF.]

[...Host is recommended to grow a few gray hairs before wearing his new title with pride.]

Chapter Text

Cang Qiong’s independent efforts to break Luo Binghe’s cradle seal don’t bear much fruit. 

Liu Qingge enjoys going absolutely ham on a disciple that’s both capable of standing his ground and is actively looking to be put into danger, but it only results in Shen Qingqiu banning Liu Qingge from his peak after Luo Binghe is dragged home with twelve separate broken bones and no demonic abilities to speak of.

Mu Qingfang tries to peel the cradle seal off with a very careful application of acupuncture and medical qi, and several of Cang Qiong’s best array masters take a look at the seal, but all that can be concluded is that Su Xiyan was very good at what she did. Usually, this would be when they’d consult Qing Jing for a new perspective, but -

“Throw him in a pit with a Black Moon Rhinoceros Python,” Shen Qingqiu sniffs. “That should break his seal.”

The gathered peak lords glance at one another, and then take turns sending pitying looks to Luo Binghe. Clearly, his pursuit of his master is not yet going well, but - ah, Shen-Shixiong, if this is your version of sentencing your husband to sleep on the couch, little Luo-Shizhi has some long nights ahead of him! 

Still, they don’t have many other ideas, and Tianlang-Jun had suggested that they put Luo Binghe in mortal danger, so a Black Moon Rhinoceros Python is located… and is then dispatched by Luo Binghe, all without Luo Binghe releasing so much as a whiff of demonic energy.

The problem lies in that this world’s Luo Binghe is significantly stronger than the Luo Bingge of PIDW. In SVSSS, it had taken Luo Binghe fighting tooth and nail against Mobei-Jun to break his seal; a fight against the only man that had been written as strong enough to stand as a reliable second in command to the overpowered golden finger of Luo Bingge. Fighting with Liu Qingge had been sort of similar, but Luo Binghe was too conscious of Shen Qingqiu’s fondness for Liu Qingge, and so Luo Binghe could not break past the mental barrier preventing him from entering the state of ‘kill or be killed’ that would be necessary to shatter his cradle seal. 

The peak lords spend some time deliberating over the issue. Liu Qingge beats Luo Binghe up some more, and receives more scoldings from Shen Qingqiu. Luo Binghe grows increasingly more anxious the longer he goes without making progress.

Eventually, Yue Qingyuan makes a private visit to Tianlang-Jun’s prison. He enters the cave with a stack of every yellow book that has ever been confiscated on Qiong Ding Peak; he exits with a little snake and instructions to have it bite Luo Binghe, let the poison run its course, and then have Liu Qingge beat Luo Binghe up a final time.

The snake’s poison is one that temporarily shuts down a human’s spiritual veins. Without the cultivation of a carefully raised senior disciple, there is no promise that Luo Binghe can survive the ordeal of Liu Qingge.

Naturally, Luo Binghe’s demonic abilities shatter his seal, and then very quickly shatter Liu Qingge’s kneecaps. Poor Liu Qingge. Shen Qingqiu reluctantly sends him a get-well-soon package.

From there, two things happen: Luo Binghe is given special permission to enter seclusion in the Ling Xi caves - so as to be able to practice gaining control of his demonic abilities in a spiritually rich area that will help weaken the strength of his demonic blood - and everyone very suddenly remembers, ‘oh yeah, Tianlang-Jun is still around!’

Yue Qingyuan corners Shen Qingqiu to figure out just what Shen Qingqiu had been hiding regarding snakes and Huan Hua. Shen Qingqiu sells out the Huan Hua Palace Master without a second thought, but then -

Well. Shen Qingqiu really doesn’t like Tianlang-Jun. He really, really doesn’t! 

But if Tianlang-Jun had been willing to help Luo Binghe break his cradle seal, even if it had been because he’d been bribed with porn… 

Shen Qingqiu still remembers the joyous way that Tianlang-Jun had laughed and hollered about having a son, too, once he finally received confirmation that it was a son his late lover had wanted. All that together, it doesn’t seem likely that Tianlang-Jun will try to hurt Luo Binghe again in the future.

And if Tianlang-Jun is no threat to Luo Binghe, then Shen Qingqiu… 

He doesn’t like Tianlang-Jun, but in the end, he doesn’t really want Luo Binghe’s stupid weird dad to be trapped in a mountain for all his life. It would just be a waste of a good face! And if Luo Binghe is really intent on sticking around Qing Jing, then someone has to go rule the demon realm -!

Shen Qingqiu tells Yue Qingyuan that the whole snake thing was a little inside joke from the courtship - that the snake Tianlang-Jun had given them to poison Luo Binghe with had been the only one, and that Shen Qingqiu had just been getting on Tianlang-Jun’s case about keeping a weird pet.

Does Yue Qingyuan really believe this? Certainly not!

Shen Qingqiu’s hemming and hawing is enough, though - Tianlang-Jun had not been sitting on his ass all this time waiting to be freed! He’d been working with Zhuzhi-Lang this whole time to escape, using Zhuzhi-Lang’s little snake army to slowly but surely deteriorate the arrays that had been keeping him trapped, something that had never been possible in Bai Lu Mountain because the arrays there had been physically carved into the rock walls and spelled with reinforcements. 

Cang Qiong suffers a major blow to their reputation for allowing Tianlang-Jun to escape, but it isn’t as bad as it could be; at a critical moment, Shang Qinghua comes forward with the scraps of evidence that he and Shen Qingqiu had managed to collect that imply Tianlang-Jun had been framed for his crimes by the Huan Hua Palace Master and perhaps had never actually deserved to be imprisoned to begin with.

…Don’t look at Shang Qinghua like that! He had already done the work to collect the evidence, fuck you if you think he won’t use it!!

Sadly, before the Huan Hua Palace Master can make it to trial, he’s turned into snake food by an unrelated and anonymous third party. How sad. Truly tragic. Oh well!

As for Luo Binghe: after gaining a somewhat decent control over his demonic heritage, he emerges from seclusion at just the right time that the reveal of his bloodline to the rest of Cang Qiong passes mostly under the radar since everyone is too busy yelling about the business with Tianlang-Jun. 

Then, of course, he turns his focus to his courtship of his beloved (but very, very irritated) master. He’s already had a decent amount of practice from his attempts to replicate and improve the dates that Shen Qingqiu had gone on with Tianlang-Jun, and no one knows better than Luo Binghe how to coax Shen Qingqiu into something. There’s a small hiccup in which Yue Qingyuan insists Luo Binghe be removed from the bamboo house for the duration of the courtship - they followed procedure with Tianlang-Jun of all people, they’ll follow it with Luo Binghe, too! - but things seem to mostly be going as smoothly as one might expect.

Shen Qingqiu tries his level best to ignore Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe earnestly shows up at Shen Qingqiu’s door each evening with dinner, and practices looking like a kicked dog when Shen Qingqiu refuses.

Shen Qingqiu tries to ignore Luo Binghe most of the time, but concedes the point on eating meals together again, if only because it’s good for him to monitor how much Luo Binghe himself is eating now that his demonic heritage has been awakened. Luo Binghe steadfastly proves over and over again that it hadn’t been a fluke that Shen Qingqiu had enjoyed himself most in Luo Binghe’s presence over anyone else’s, these past several years.

Shen Qingqiu mostly tries to ignore Luo Binghe, but it’s just so good to see that Luo Binghe is here on Qing Jing and cared for and happy in a way that the Luo Bingge of PIDW had never been. Luo Binghe looks happiest when Shen Qingqiu lets him get away with things, just the same way that he always has for as long as Shen Qingqiu has been in this world.

And then, just after Luo Binghe’s nineteenth birthday - just after Luo Binghe’s courtship of his master has become obvious enough that Qing Jing has put together a betting pool on the results - Luo Binghe works up the nerve to steal a kiss from his master.

Shen Qingqiu, very calmly and reasonably, packs his little rucksack and runs away the very next morning. 

He has a great deal of panicking to do, after all! A great deal of over analyzing every moment he’s spent with Luo Binghe in the last year, desperately trying to find excuses for every little thing Luo Binghe has done that might otherwise be misconstrued as Luo Binghe liking him. Like-liking him! Romantically!

Of course, with Without-a-Cure still uncured, Shen Qingqiu has an unfortunate time limit on his runaway act. When his meridians become clogged and his blood flow becomes poor and he starts feeling like he has a bit of a cold, he shame-facedly trudges back to Cang Qiong to receive treatment. 

His plan had been to get in, see Liu Qingge and Mu Qingfang quickly, and get out before Luo Binghe even knew he was back.

Because this is a story and all the timing is horribly convenient for plot reasons, he runs into Luo Binghe right as he’s trying to sneak back out again.

“...I’m leaving,” Shen Qingqiu says awkwardly. “On… a night hunt.”

“I know,” Luo Binghe says. He looks especially bullied. 

“Oh,” Shen Qingqiu says. “That’s… good.”

“If you’re going to leave,” Luo Binghe says, “please at least take this.”

Saying so, Luo Binghe offers a qiankun stasis pouch to Shen Qingqiu. When Shen Qingqiu peeks inside, he finds enough carefully prepared meals to last Shen Qingqiu through four weeks; exactly how long it takes for Shen Qingqiu’s Without-a-Cure to become bad enough that it will flare up and force him back home again. There’s even a set of snacks and desserts, as if it isn’t enough that Shen Qingqiu is laden with all his favorite meals.

“Shizun never takes care of himself properly,” Luo Binghe mumbles, toeing at the ground sullenly. “You don’t have to hesitate to eat them; I didn’t cook any of them myself.”

Shen Qingqiu looks up at Luo Binghe, surprised. Luo Binghe hasn’t voluntarily allowed anyone else to make Shen Qingqiu a meal in… years, actually.

“Really?”

…Luo Binghe glances away. “I instructed Ning-Shijie very, very carefully.”

Despite himself, Shen Qingqiu’s lips quirk up in an amused grin. Ah, this brat…

“I’ll eat them,” he promises. “Then… I’ll be going.”

Wordlessly, Luo Binghe nods. Shen Qingqiu takes a half step away, but Luo Binghe only watches him with a hang-dog expression and doesn’t say anything else. Shen Qingqiu takes another step away.

Eventually, Shen Qingqiu really does leave again.

This time, he comes back after only two weeks. 

It doesn’t have anything to do with how Shen Qingqiu had been left feeling bereft when Luo Binghe didn’t chase after him to try and keep him from leaving, or with how Shen Qingqiu had been forced to think about Luo Binghe at every meal time and wonder about how Luo Binghe was doing, or with how Shen Qingqiu didn’t find traveling by himself to be nearly as pleasant as traveling with a certain bratty, no-good disciple of his.

…Still, he comes back after only two weeks, and then acts as if it’s very obvious that Luo Binghe is meant to come with him this time when he leaves again.

Yue Qingyuan has a congratulatory gift and several very important questions about ideal wedding plans waiting for them when they get back.