Chapter Text
September 1st, 1976
Regulus Black didn’t like many things. He didn't like the loud noise of the great hall, especially on the first or last days of school, he didn't like people who acted stupid when they weren't nor people who called or demanded attention to themselves and he especially didn't like being touched. All this is to say that the list of things he liked was small. The smell of rain and parchment, quiet spaces where he could just be by himself and the sea. He didn't really like many people either. He liked Pandora though. Ever since first year when they became friends after working on a potions project together and finding they actually understood each other quite well, despite how different they were. Regulus couldn't quite understand how this came to be, why someone as kind and pure as Pandora would ever stick around but he was glad she did, even more so these last few years.
She was his best friend, and he doubted he would still be here if it weren't for her. She was the one constant in his life, and he loved her dearly for it. She was the only one who knew the true extent of what happened whenever he went home during the holidays, and she somehow always knew what he needed without him needing to tell her. She knew when he needed space or when he needed company, they understood each other in that way, they both preferred their space when everything got too much, she understood what it was like to have everything be too much. The only other person who had understood him that way had been Sirius and he hadn't bothered to in years, Regulus preferred not to think about why.
He didn't have time to think about any of it, he only had three years left, three years to prepare, three years to become Regulus Black the heir of “The ancient and most noble house of Black”, three years to become everything his parents expected him to be, everything they had hoped his brother would become. He didn't have time to mourn the life he would never get to have, the life that had been stripped from his hands the moment Sirius stepped out that door for the last time. He didn't even have time to mourn his brother, he wanted to hate him but he couldn't, he knew why he had done it, he knew it would have killed him to stay. He understood that only one of the Black brothers was going to leave and it was never going to be him. He hadn't mourned him once he left because he knew he'd lost his brother long before that night. Besides he had too much to do to focus on anything else and he was running out of time.
He boarded the train and found an empty compartment, he would find Barty and Evan later, for now, he just needed some time to clear his head, his whole body ached and he could feel a pounding headache beginning to form just beneath his eyelids, he just focused on breathing and trying to make everything stop. The truth was everything was worse, everything had gotten worse since Sirius left and Regulus didn't know how to make it stop, he just needed a minute to breathe and remember he was alive. He closed his eyes and just sat there whilst he tried to piece himself back together, he felt all these shattered fragments of himself laid out in front of him, the boy he used to be and the person he must become. He heard the compartment door and he quickly composed himself as he turned to look at whoever had interrupted his quiet, a scowl immediately setting itself on his face once he saw who it was.
“Reg, there you are,” Barty said as he entered followed by Evan who promptly sat down on one of the chairs in the compartment, “almost thought you were avoiding us”
“I was” Regulus responded in a cold voice, expression blank from before.
“Ah Reg, ever the charmer” but Barty seemed to notice something was up because he let it go and quickly moved onto the subject of his holiday escapades and some muggle girl he met who was according to him “just a bit of fun”, Evan simply rolled his eyes at his friend's antics before nodding towards regulus in acknowledgement, Regulus simply nodded back softly while he closed his eyes and let the background noise of barty’s voice calm him down.
He was about to doze off when the sound of the compartment door opening was heard once again.
“Hi Reg,” Dorcas said as she sat down next to him, “Barty, Evan”
“Meadowes, so lovely of you to finally join us” Barty responded
“Shut it, Crouch,” Dorcas said back, a smile tugging at her lips, “Hey reg, don't you have prefect duty?”
That got his attention, he quickly straightened in his seat. What time was it? He swore under his breath and quickly got up.
“I have to go” Regulus muttered as he opened the compartment door
“Noooooo, Dorcas why’d you have to tell him” Barty grumbled but was quickly silenced by a sharp glare from Dorcas
Dorcas opened her mouth, but Regulus didn't stay to hear what she had to say. Instead, he rushed to the prefects' carriage. Once he got there, he quickly composed himself and entered. He was the last person to arrive, from what he could see. A few people turned to stare, but they quickly looked away to look at the head boy and head girl as they gave their instructions.
He glanced around the room to see who he would have to work with. He recognised a few people: Mulciber, Marissa Higgs, Edgar Bones, Adrian Abbott, Frank Longbottom, Lily Evans, and Remus Lupin. There were others he didn't recognise, but overall, it seemed bearable. He could do this.
“We will be managing rotations in groups of two, you will likely be paired with someone from another house so as not to show any favouritism to your own, these shifts will change every two or so hours so I expect you to be ready, the idea is to look around the train and report anything out of order that you may notice” Longbottom finished speaking and looked around the room, seemingly expecting some sort of reaction but was only received with blank faces from the students in the room.
“Right. Well, uhm, let's see, the first shift is… Evans and Bones, Liddell and Cresswell you're next…” and so it went on, Reg zoned out for a bit whilst they listed names and instructions until he heard his name. “Alright, and that leaves Black and Lupin” Both boys looked at each other from across the room before looking away again. Great, he was going to be stuck with one of his brother's best friends. Fantastic. “Well, that's everybody! Your rounds will start immediately, you can leave now” Said Higgs as she began to leave.
With that, everybody started slowly exiting the compartment. Regulus followed to do the same and quickly joined his friends.
“Hey, how was it?” Dorcas asks as soon as he enters the compartment
“I’m paired with Lupin” he simply says as his friends exchange a glance, they know his relationship with his brother is… complicated “Just hope he's quiet”
“I'm sure it’ll be fine” ‘Cas says reassuringly, then quickly changes the subject “So how were your breaks?”
And so they continue with their mindless chatter as they talk about what they each got up to during their breaks, it gives Regulus the time he needs to calm himself down and zone out until he feels okay enough to join in.
“Hey, have any of you seen Pandora?” he asks, suddenly noticing her absence. It's not unusual for her not to be around on the first day of school. Usually, she needs some time and space to accommodate but she usually finds Reg on the train after a couple of hours. Always there to make sure he's okay. He's Alive.
“Can't say I have actually,” Evan says with a small frown “She probably just needs space, you know how she is, probably off looking at butterflies or something”
“Yeah, don't worry Reggie. She’ll come find us when she’s ready” Barty shrugs and goes on talking about whatever it was he was talking about before
He just nods and goes back to looking out the window. He’s tired and tries to get a few hours of sleep before he has his rounds with Lupin and then has to escort all the first years when they get to the castle. He asks his friends to wake him up in a couple of hours before he dozes off. He doesn't dream of anything before his friends wake him up again.
“Hi, you need to wake up now” Comes a sweet voice he would recognise anywhere “You've got your shift with Lupin remember?” She softly nudges his shoulder as he wakes up and sees Pandora with a soft smile.
“What time is it?” he asks voice thick with sleep
“Around six in the afternoon, I think,” she says, her voice soft and melodic “You slept about four hours, come on”
Barty is resting his head on Evan's shoulder, eyes closed and mouth open snoring softly. Evan’s reading a book and looks up to find Reg staring, he just gives him a small smile before returning to his book. Dorcas is nowhere to be seen.
He gets up and fixes his robes before leaving the compartment to go find Lupin for their prefect duty. He gives one last look to Pandora before he’s out the door.
***
Pandora first realised there was something different about her when she was seven years old. She remembers looking at the adults and children around her and thinking how strange they all were, how they spoke and acted and how they often contradicted themselves in their actions, she especially noted how they all looked at her like she was the weird one. She never really got on well with other people, they confused her and it was just too much work always having to think about the right thing to do or say in every given situation, it was frustrating because no matter how hard she tried she would still get it wrong. She didn't get along well with people because there were always expectations, there were always rules and she didn't understand them or she’d get them wrong and people would get upset.
She tried to learn how to be better, she would spend hours watching the people around her, copying their movements and expressions. And she learnt how to talk to people. It didn't feel right though, it felt like wearing a mask that wasn't made for her, that was meant to be worn by someone else and she found herself exhausted most days. She didn't like the person she was when she was around other people, how she transformed into someone who was nothing like her, so she found that solitude was far more enjoyable. There were no expectations when it was just her and she could be however weird she wanted to without feeling judged or like she was being too much. She’d already condemned herself to a life of seclusion and she was okay with it, people were overrated anyway. That was until Regulus.
She remembers the day they first spoke to each other. They had a potions lesson that day and Slughorn had assigned them partners to work on an assignment. Neither spoke much that first class, both just preoccupied with getting the potion right, working together like it was natural, like they'd known each other for years instead of minutes. It wasn't until later that day, when she was walking back to the common room that she spotted a bowtruckle hidden behind some pillars.
“Well hello there, what are you doing in here?” she asked not in an unkind voice whilst she stared at it quizzically. She was trying to figure out what to do when she felt someone looking over her shoulder, she turned to find Regulus there.
He didn't speak, just stared at the bowtruckle before bending down to examine it closer. Pandora did too.
“What should we do with it?” Pandora had asked, unsure about what the Slytherin would do with a magical creature such as this one. She had heard the rumours, how the younger black was cold and cruel but looking at him now she didn't understand what they meant, he just looked like a kid.
“We need to help it get home,” he said determinedly “Who knows what they'll do to it if we leave it here”
With that, he leaned forward to pick it up, hands so gentle and speaking soft words to keep it calm whilst they left. Pandora followed close behind keeping a lookout and opening doors.
“Come on through here, I know a way out of the castle that leads around Hagrid's garden and can take us to the forest,” She said leading the younger boy who still had the bowtruckle in his hand whispering soothing words to it and watching it with such open curiosity and fascination.
Eventually, they got to the forest and released the bowtruckle that quickly ran to the forest lining before disappearing. They stayed there for a while watching the trees and the sun slowly set sharing comfortable silence.
“You’re good with them” Pandora said to break the silence “Bowtruckles are mistrusting and very protective but they are a good judge of character” She turned to look at him then before smiling and heading back inside, Regulus following close behind.
Something changed that day, they started speaking more often. They both shared an interest in magical creatures and would spend hours talking about them. They also found they both shared a natural talent for potions and Pandora loved experimenting with different ingredients and charms. Reg was always happy to humour her.
She quickly became friends with Dorcas, Evan and Barty after that. They all had their own little group, they were all weird she thought but they never made her feel bad about it. She found that she liked spending time with them and felt comfortable around them. Maybe she wasn't going to be as alone as she had feared when she was younger. They understood and respected her and just let her exist without any expectations and it was wonderful.
Recently though things had been difficult, she had seen how things had changed with all of them. Reg especially. She watched how each time he would return to a shell of the person he was, how it would take longer and longer for him to get back to his usual self, how each time it was like he left more of himself behind. How it got so much worse after Sirius left. She's scared, she's scared because she feels like she’s losing her best friend and she doesn't know how to help, she doesn't know how to take away his pain. She’s scared because she knows she can't, and that's the most terrifying part of this, knowing she’s losing the people she cares about most and can't do anything to save them.
She hops on the Hogwarts Express, finds an empty compartment and just sits there for a while, thinking, trying to come up with something that might help. She eventually stands and goes to find her friends, however, when she goes to open the door someone bumps into her hard enough to make her stumble back.
“Shit, sorry, I'm sorry, are you okay?” They ask as they grab onto her by the wrist to stop her from falling back.
“Yeah, I'm okay, sorry I didn't see-” she stops herself abruptly as she sees who she just crashed into. “Wait, hold on, aren't you that Evans girl potters obsessed with?”
The redhead stops as a slow blush creeps onto her face painting it a sharp shade of crimson that she tries to hide, pandora can't help but smile at the girl in front of her.
“Yes” she says tone clipped “Well if that's everything I'm going to go” She goes to exit but before Pandora can think better of it she reaches out.
“Wait, I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing, I didn't mean to offend you. It’s just well, with the kinds of big gestures Potter’s always doing it's hard not to know you as the girl he's obsessed with but I didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed or anything like that” she says in quick succession “I'm sorry”
She simply sighs before turning around “It’s fine, I just… don't really like being known just as that, most people don't even bother to know my name before they point out that I'm the girl that James is obsessed with and to whom he would proclaim his love every chance he got. It just gets tiresome after a while”
“I’m sorry,” she says again, she feels it's important to repeat it “Let's try again, yeah? Hi, I’m Pandora Lovegood, what's your name?”
The girl just stares at her for a few seconds before she responds “Hi, I’m Lily Evans”
“Like the flower” it’s more of a statement than a question but Lily still nods her head
“Yeah like the flower”
Pandora repeats the name, seeing how it feels on her tongue, Lily, Lily Lily. “Hmm, it's pretty” she smiles at that “I like it”
“I’m glad” Lily smiles at her too “Well, I should probably go. I've got prefect duty. It was lovely talking to you Pandora” And oh, there's just something about the way she says her name sounds so right, like it was made to be spoken by her mouth.
“Yeah, see you around” Pandora says as she exits the compartment and goes to find her friends, unable to stop thinking about Lily, and the way her mouth moved when she said her name.