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Chapter Text

Mu Qing's chest ached, a heavy weight pressing down on him. He was the only one who felt this pain, the world saw him as jaded, petty, and snotty. Was he really those things? He wondered. As he brushed Xie Lian's hair, a thought crept into his mind.

"Do you think I am rude and snotty, Your Highness?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Xie Lian seemed startled, his expression softening. "Why would I think that?"

His reply was cautious, and Mu Qing's heart sank. He had never been intentionally rude to His Highness, yet everyone knew he could wield words like knives. As Xie Lian’s’ personal servant, he was privy to his master's secrets, and that could make him dangerous, he knew just the dirty secrets to fling at His Highness. Well, that would be if he had any. It was honestly kind of annoying how perfect His Highness seemed.

"I overheard some of the other servants talking about me earlier," Mu Qing replied, his voice steady.

The words had been gnawing at him for days. He had been returning from delivering a letter to Xie Lian when he overheard a group of disciples discussing him.

…………………….

"You know that servant who used to sweep the floors and serve tea?" one disciple whispered. "Who started studying cultivation after the Crown Prince took pity on him?"

"Yeah, I see him a lot around the fruit trees," another disciple said. "Is he supposed to be there?"

"Probably not, I mean, he's technically a disciple now, but he's still just the poor kid who used to serve us tea."

"Do you think he's up by the fruit trees right now?" a third disciple asked. "If he is, maybe we could wipe that smug smile off his face! Who does he think he is? He's not important. He's not rich like the rest of us."

"Yeah! I was forced to work with him on an assignment in class, and he barely even talked to me!" the first disciple hissed. "He thinks he's better than everyone else. He's so unpleasant."

"I don't know, he just seems kinda cold, not exactly rude."

"Ugh, like you would know anything! You weren't forced to work with the kid," the first disciple retorted. "You barely even know who he is!"

"We should go see if he's at the fruit trees," suggested the third disciple. "Then we can prove how awful he is and beat him up."

"Alright," the second disciple agreed.

"Yeah! Maybe that will teach him not to walk around with his nose in the air," the first disciple said.

…………………….

"They shouldn't talk about you behind your back."

Mu Qing shrugged, Xie Lian’s voice breaking him from the memory. "It's not like I haven't heard it before. It doesn't bother me."

Xie Lian's frown deepened. "It is still rude to talk about someone behind their back. You would also not bring it up if it did not matter to you.”

"Well, it truly doesn't mean anything to me," Mu Qing evaded.

“Your Highness!” Feng Xin suddenly called from the doorway.

“Is something the matter Feng Xin?”

“Yes! That brat Qi Rong is beating up some of the palace servants.”

“Oh dear, Mu Qing, we'll talk about your issue more later, is that alright?”

“That’s fine, Your Highness,” Mu Qing said glumly. Great , just the conversation I want to have.

…………………….

Nightmares plagued Mu Qing, a relentless assault on his mind. The past clawed at him, its sharp edges tearing at his sanity. He yearned for respite, a break from the relentless torment. What purpose did these memories serve? To remind him of a time when he could talk to Xie Lian, when he cared? Now, Xie Lian was obsessed with the Crimson Menace , and though Mu Qing knew Xie Lian meant no harm, the pain was still sharp.

He imagined approaching Xie Lian, trying to get his advice on some matter or another, Xie Lian would nod and offer a thoughtful reply. However, as soon as Hua Cheng appeared, Mu Qing would become another one of those scraps he collected. Mu Qing’s breathing got heavier, was that all he was to Xie Lian? A scrap picked up from the street, deemed worthy of a fleeting glance before being tossed aside?

The thought was suffocating. Perhaps that's why Xie Lian had hesitated so long to save him.

"No," he whispered to himself, trying to quell the rising panic. "They care for you, they need you, Xie Lian is just lovesick he’ll get over it."

He sighed, the weight of despair pressing down on him. Things had been improving. His relationships with Feng Xin and Xie Lian had mended, and the constant threat of death had subsided. Yet, he felt a gnawing emptiness. They didn't need him anymore. They had forgotten about him.

A cruel voice echoed in his mind, mocking him. "You're nothing. They hate you for all the times you left them. You're rude and cold. Why would anyone want to be your friend?"

The words were like daggers, piercing his heart. He tried to silence the voice, to banish the thoughts, but they persisted, relentless and unforgiving. "Stop... Stop... Please stop!" he pleaded, tears welling up in his eyes. "I don't want to think like this. Please leave me alone..."

…………………….

Mu Qing's eyes snapped open, the harsh morning light piercing through the curtains. He groaned, his head throbbing. “Is it truly morning already?”

A voice, somewhere to his right, replied, "Yes, it is. In fact, we were supposed to leave two hours ago."

Mu Qing bolted upright, his heart pounding. He swung his legs over the bed and reached for his saber.

Feng Xin’s face came into view, "well, that got you up. I was going to wake you soon."

"What are you doing here?!" Mu Qing shouted.

Feng Xin's eyes darkened as they observed his messy robes and hair. You know, if you hadn't barged into my room while I was sleeping I would be more presentable. Mu Qing thought darkly. Mu Qing used his put-together appearance as another type of mask, now being stripped of that he felt vulnerable. 

"If you remember, we were supposed to investigate the destruction of a town about two hours ago." Feng Xie replied, somewhat angrily. 

"And that gives you the right to barge into my room and scare me half to death?" Mu Qing demanded, his voice rising.

"Hey! I knocked first and tried to ask your subordinates, but they just gave me dirty looks and tried to kick me out! Why weren't you awake? Why didn't you wake up when I knocked?" Feng Xin retorted.

Mu Qing hesitated, a flicker of… something… passing through him. Is Feng Xin concerned about me? No, don't tease yourself with those thoughts. He is probably just angry he couldn't get out of your presence sooner. "I was sleeping," he replied, his excuse sounding weak to his own ears.

"Are you sure you're alright? It's not like you to sleep in or not realize someone came into your room," Feng Xin said, his tone softening slightly.

"Yes, because you're so concerned," Mu Qing scoffed. "How would you know what I do or don't do in the mornings?"

Feng Xin hesitated, his expression conflicted. "If I had known you were so terrible in the mornings, I definitely would have just gone on my own," he mumbled. "You're always like this! Assuming stuff, not just saying what's on your mind, and assuming the worst in everybody."

"And I shouldn't? What reason do you have to barge into my room and then watch me sleep?" Mu Qing snapped, his anger flaring.

Feng Xin looked sheepish. "I was just worried about you," he admitted.

"I told you I don't need your stupid concern!" Mu Qing spat. "Now get out of my room before I force you."

Feng Xin took a deep breath, his voice wavering. "You really can't just accept that I was concerned for your well-being?"

"No," Mu Qing snorted. "When have you ever been concerned about me before?"

Feng Xin clenched his fists. "Really? You can't think of a single time?"

Mu Qing hesitated, his mind racing back to Mount Tonglu Mountain. A year had passed but to an immortal that time is nothing.

"That's what I thought," Feng Xin said, his voice filled with bitterness. "You already forgot about your little 'embarrassment' and have moved on. Well, I've moved on as well."

With that, Feng Xin stormed out of the room, slamming the door so hard that the frame cracked.

Good, thought Mu Qing , forget about me, move on, I wish I could move on but it seems I am stuck with past memories and drowned in feelings I shouldn't have. 

Chapter Text

Mu Qing sighed, sinking back into the soft cushions of his bed. His memory of the mission returned, a ghost, or perhaps a horde of them, had leveled a town in the Southeast. Usually, Feng Xin would handle such matters alone, but the sheer scale of the destruction had summoned both gods of the South.

Mu Qing groaned. He really didn't want to go, especially after their recent argument. Yet, a sense of duty tugged at him. If he didn't help, why was he even here?

With a heavy heart, Mu Qing swung his legs over the bed and began to get ready. As he dressed, the cacophony of Feng Xin's argument with Mu Qing's subordinates filled the air. Why hadn't he left already? He didn't need to wait here. Mu Qing's bitterness grew. Perhaps Feng Xin didn't trust him.

…………………….

Mu Qing stepped out into the hall, making his way to the entrance hall of his palace where he heard the commotion earlier. Feng Xin was seated on a chair in the hall, his knee bouncing impatiently.

"There you are!" Feng Xin exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "What took you so long?"

Mu Qing's patience was wearing thin. "I am not at your beck and call, Feng Xin," he replied, his voice edged with annoyance.

Feng Xin frowned. "I know that, but you're always so punctual. Is something wrong? Why did you sleep in? Why did you sleep at all?"

Mu Qing sighed. "That's a lot of questions, Feng Xin. Let's just get this over with."

Feng Xin persisted, his chin jutting out stubbornly. "Answer them! Is something wrong? Are you still healing from your injuries at Mount Tonglu?"

Mu Qing hesitated, a flicker of doubt crossing his mind. Is he really concerned or is he just saying this to appear concerned to gain my trust? Is he even smart enough to do that? Doubtful, why then? Mu Qing thought questioningly but he could not come up with an answer that made sense.

"No, nothing is wrong," Mu Qing replied. "I merely slept longer than I planned. And before you ask again, I decided to sleep because all of this business rebuilding the Heavenly Capital is stressing me out."

Feng Xin glanced at him suspiciously. "And your injuries from Mount Tonglu?"

Mu Qing rolled his eyes. "Long gone, I assure you."

Feng Xin seemed satisfied. "Then let's go."

Mu Qing couldn't help but feel a pang of resentment. Did Feng Xin really think he was that weak? Probably. He hadn't visited Mu Qing since Mount Tonglu, and he always underestimated him.

A voice in Mu Qing's head taunted him. "Are you sure you aren't really that weak? Your hands still haven't healed completely..."

Mu Qing clenched his fists. "Shut up!" he shouted mentally. "I... will get stronger..."

"Oh? How so? You've been losing believers nowadays..." the voice continued. "Maybe your worshipers finally realized just how weak you are. Feng Xin has as well. It's only a matter of time before the whole Heavenly Capital realizes as well, and you fade into non-existence."

Would that really be so bad? Mu Qing wondered. No one would miss him. He wouldn't have to deal with this constant pain .

Feng Xin exited the palace, his impatience evident. "You coming or what?" he shouted.

Pulled from his thoughts, Mu Qing replied, "Of course," with an exaggerated eye roll.

…………………….

Mu Qing and Feng Xin descended into the mortal realm, their true identities concealed beneath the guises of Nan Feng and Fu Yao. The journey was uneventful until they reached the devastated town. The Palace of Ling Wen had reported no damage to the buildings, only the people missing, but the sight before them was a stark contrast. The town was a leveled wasteland, no building was left standing.

A chill ran down Mu Qing's spine. He and Feng Xin exchanged a knowing glance, their senses heightened. Mu Qing doubted the Palace of Ling Wen had lied. This meant either the destruction was too fresh, or had been concealed somehow.

They began their investigation, leaving no stone unturned. Mu Qing was more thorough than Feng Xie perhaps, his mind racing with possibilities. After hours of searching, Feng Xin's patience wore thin. "Is there seriously nothing here? How did this even happen?"

Mu Qing rolled his eyes. "Obviously, it was something supernatural, like a ghost. But it probably moved on after it heard we were coming."

"How did it know we were coming?" Feng Xin asked.

"Probably because you're so loud and the least stealthy person I know," Mu Qing replied.

Feng Xin bristled. "That's not a very high bar, considering you don't know a lot of people."

“I know more than you.” Mu Qing quickly said to cover up the sharp pang of hurt. "You know, he's not wrong," he thought to himself. "I barely know anyone. No one would even miss me if I disappeared."

“Oh? Really I doubt it.”

Before he could respond, they heard a faint sound of footsteps in the distance. They froze, their senses straining to detect the source. Night had fallen, and the darkness obscured their vision, but their divine senses allowed them to see a vague shape moving towards them.

Mu Qing knew that while they could barely make out the figure, a ghost could see them clearly.

Feng Xin, ever the impulsive one, drew his bow and fired an arrow of pure spiritual energy. The arrow soared through the air, but before it could strike the target, the figure vanished. The arrow struck a nearby tree, exploding into a shower of splinters and sending a shockwave through the forest.

"Nice job, Feng Xin," Mu Qing said dryly. "Now everything within five miles knows where we are."

Feng Xin flushed. "Hey! I was merely defending myself!"

"The ghost didn't even attack us yet," Mu Qing pointed out.

"You would have waited until it did?" Feng Xin said incredulously.

“...”

They continued their search but found no trace of the ghost.

"Are you sure we saw it correctly?" Feng Xin asked.

"Yeah, I'm not one of your dumb subordinates," Mu Qing replied.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Feng Xin muttered.

"Yes, because you barged into my room while I was sleeping and scared me half to death," Mu Qing retorted.

“...” 

Mu Qing knelt down and examined the ground. "Huh, this kind of looks like a trapdoor," he said, igniting a palm torch.

"Move over, let me see!" Feng Xin exclaimed.

Mu Qing rolled his eyes and stepped aside.

"You're right, Mu Qing," Feng Xin said. "It does look like a trapdoor. Good spotting."

"Of course I'm good at spotting stuff," Mu Qing replied. "It's not like you help out ever."

Feng Xin sighed. "Just accept a compliment, will you?"

Mu Qing ignored him and focused on the trapdoor. 

"We should try to open it," Feng Xin said.

"I wasn't born yesterday," Mu Qing replied, “I know that.”

Feng Xin glared at him before reaching for the trapdoor.

Well, that's a first I thought for sure that he would have some kind of remark. Mu Qing thought.

As he lifted it, a gaping black hole revealed itself, with a small ladder leading into the abyss.

"I'll go first," Feng Xin declared.

"I'm not a baby," Mu Qing retorted. "I can go first."

"I wasn't saying you were! Stop assuming stuff!" Feng Xin snapped.

Mu Qing's temper flared. "Really? Then why have you been stating the obvious and asking stupid questions this entire trip like I'm some kind of disciple you're training?"

"I haven't!" Feng Xin protested.

"Really?" Mu Qing said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "How about when you asked if I was sure I saw the ghost correctly? Or just now when you suggested opening the trapdoor?"

"Valid questions and suggestions!" Feng Xin insisted.

"No, no they were not," Mu Qing said. "They were stupid remarks to try and make me look stupid!"

"They were not! I fucking swear it!" Feng Xin shouted back, his anger matching Mu Qing's.

Feng Xin and Mu Qing stared at each other, their breaths coming out in ragged pants, their hands balled at their sides. 

Maybe he really wasn't lying… Feng Xin has never been good at lying. Mu Qing thought.

“Fine, let's go then,” Mu Qing said abruptly, quickly turning around and descending the ladder. 

Feng Xin stood there in shock for a moment. Does he really believe me? Did he get it through his thick skull that I care about him and they were just idle remarks? He wondered before also descending the ladder. 

Chapter Text

Mu Qing reached the end of the ladder and gracefully leaped down, like a cat before relighting his palm torch and observing his surroundings. Feng Xin jumped down after him, decidedly less graceful and more like a large dog. 

The pair seemed to be in a large cave with a domed ceiling and several branching paths leading into pure darkness. As they observed their surroundings, and as Feng Xin lit a palm torch for himself, they heard a faint moaning from one of the corridors. Both immediately turned around, leaving their backs open. It was then that the ghost struck!

Feng Xin heard the faint wind of the ghost moving and quickly turned around to block with his sword while Mu Qing engaged in a fierce battle with another ghost who had emerged from one of the tunnels in front of them.

The ghost Feng Xin was fighting looked exactly like Mu Qing and he was hesitant to deal any serious blows but that soon proved too difficult as the ghost attacked with increasingly vicious vigor. While on the other side of the cavern, the ghost Mu Qing was fighting looked like Feng Xin.

Why does this ghost look like Feng Xin?!?! How dare he try to imitate Feng Xin! No one could even come close to his fighting prowess and loyalty! Mu Qing’s expression seemed to darken with every thought. 

Suddenly the ghost Mu Qing was fighting tore off and started racing down one of the tunnels and Mu Qing quickly gave chase. 

“WAIT, MU QING!” Feng Xin shouted after seeing him race off, “DON’T GO ALONE!”

Does he think I can't handle one little ghost? Mu Qing thought darkly, ignoring Feng Xin’s call. 

“MU QING! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR- FUCK!” Feng Xin disentangled himself from the fight and dashed off to follow Mu Qing. 

…………………….

Mu Qing had been running for a while now but he still didn't seem to be getting any closer to the ghost. Suddenly, he saw a large drop in front of him but it was too late to stop himself. Well, this gonna hurt and be embarrassing. 

However, before he could fall, a hand seized his wrist, yanking him back to safety. The hand was strangely… cold… but Mu Qing didn't have long to think about that when he saw who had saved him. 

“Feng Xin!” He exclaimed.

Feng Xin just glanced at him suspiciously, crossing his arms.

That’s odd he doesn't have anything to say about my almost-fall? Maybe ‘be more careful next time’ or ‘you're lucky I was here to save you, do better next time?’ To be fair, he has been acting kind of strange this entire trip and while it’s nice not to fight for once, it's still unlike him. And what about how cold his hand was? I know from all the times Feng Xin punches me that his hands are actually quite hot.

Mu Qing mired Feng Xin’s actions and said “Really nothing to say?”

Feng Xin didn't bother to respond and instead just turned around and started to walk down the tunnel they came from.

“Is the ghost hiding this way?” Mu Qing asked.

Feng Xin just sharply nodded his head once, not even breaking his stride.

I don't think this is Feng Xin, is it the ghost I was fighting earlier? How did he come back behind me then? These tunnels are so dark and twisty that I wouldn't be surprised if I were chasing the ghost in circles… Mu Qing thought as he started to follow ‘Feng Xin’ through the tunnels. 

…………………….

Feng Xin had dashed through multiple tunnels, following Mu Qing but soon the flicker of his robes was lost in the inky black. Feng Xin ran faster, trying to catch up before he sharply turned one corner and saw a massive pit in front of him but he had too much momentum, it was too late to stop. I hope Mu Qing will be okay without me.  

Before Feng Xin could tumble over the edge, a hand caught the edge of his robes and pulled him back. Turning around to confront the new foe or perhaps friend? They had saved him after all. He was shocked to see it was Mu Qing.

“Mu Qing!!!” He exclaimed. 

Mu Qing only gave him an eye roll and gestured to walk down a tunnel behind him. 

“What’s down there?” Feng Xin asked suspiciously. 

Mu Qing just gave another eye roll and started to walk down the tunnel he gestured at. 

Huh, that was weird. The eye rolling was very on brand but no little quip? No ‘how dumb are you? Did you not see the drop?’ Or ‘Do I have to join you on every mission so you don't end up dead somehow?’ It’s very unlike him not to say anything when he has the opportunity to make some kind of sarcastic remark. Could it be the ghosts I was fighting earlier pretending to be Mu Qing? How can I figure out if it is really him… 

Feng Xin starts to follow him and blurts out, “Mu Qing, your hair is really pretty!” SHIT… SHIT I DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.

Mu Qing merely looks over his shoulder and glares at Feng Xin before giving him an eye roll and looking ahead again.

Oh thank god, that wasn't Mu Qing… wait… that means it was the ghost I was fighting earlier! But then where is it leading me?

…………………….

‘Feng Xin’ leads Mu Qing to another larger cavern, not unlike the ones they dropped down in; however, this one has a large green cauldron of boiling water in the center. 

“What is this?" Mu Qing asks, his expression curious.

‘Feng Xin’ does not respond and instead tries to lead Mu Qing to the cauldron. 

“Oh please, do you really think I am going to follow some random ghost to a pot of boiling water?”

The ghost in question freezes, then frowns. “How did you know I was a ghost?” 

Since their voice sounded oddly feminine for their body, Mu Quing guessed that they must've had enough spiritual energy to change their appearance but not their voice. 

“It was pretty obvious, there is no way Feng Xin wouldn't say some kind of rude remark if I almost fell off a cliff.” His voice carried a twinge of sadness.

“Oh.” The ghost softly replies. 

Then their body changes, they gain a shorter, more feminine frame and features. Soon what is standing in front of Mu Qing looks nothing like Feng Xin but instead of a woman of average height. 

Mu Qing merely raises an eyebrow at her transformation. 

Soon the woman’s features turn into an ugly snarl, “Do you even recognize me!”

“Why would I?” Mu Qing retorted.

This seemed to be the wrong thing to say as there now seemed to be smoke coming out of the woman’s ears as she fumed silently. 

Eventually, she got her emotions under control and said in a deceptively calm voice, “About a month ago, I made a statue of you for a temple me and my fiance were building. We had both worshiped you since childhood and we wished you to bless our marriage so we created a temple dedicated to you.”

In reality, Mu Qing had known who she was as soon as she removed her disguise but really really wished he was wrong but it seemed he was not. Wait… how does she know who I am?

She continued with her story, “The night after we had finished building your temple and adorned it with the statue we created, you visited me in my dreams and were furious.”

Mu Qing’s cheeks instantly became red. “Th-Th-The statue!” He cried.

“Oh, so you do remember?” She asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. 

“I'm not even going to ask how you know I am Mu Qing but-”

The woman snorted

“-that statue was truly scandalous!” He managed to shout out.

“First,” she said, raising one finger, “your disguises are terrible, all you did was swap hair colors with General Nan Yang and become a little shorter.”

Mu Qing made an indigent noise.

“Second,” she continued, raising a second finger, “we worked hard on that statue and shrine only for you to come in and burn it to the ground with us inside!”

“...”

I didn't realize they were inside I thought I had moved them safely away… This is why everyone calls me cold and heartless, I am just proving everyone right. But when were they ever wrong?

“Really, nothing to say for yourself?” She says with a sneer. 

“The statue…” Mu Qing mumbles. 

“All we did was give it cat ears and a tail!”

“Exactly!” Mu Qing shouts, his face entirely red. 

“If we had known you would react like this we would have made it kissing General Nan Yang too.” 

This is said the exact moment Feng Xin walks in from the tunnel behind them. 

“WHAT THE FUCK???!!!” 

Mu Qing spins around, his face and neck now completely red to see Feng Xin with his mouth open in shock. 

‘Mu Qing’ then walks past the real Mu Qing to stand next to the first woman. She then shifts into her true form, a tall woman with short dark brown hair and long eyelashes. 

Both women looked scandalized at Feng Xin’s outburst, and one said, “We are sorry General Nan Yang, we did not know that would offend you.”

Feng Xin seemed to be unable to form a response and repeatedly opened and closed his mouth. 

Finally he was able to ask a question, “Who are you people?”

“We are some of your most devoted believers. After being killed by your rival, we came back as ghosts to get our revenge and decided to worship you in spite.”

Feng Xin’s brows furrowed in confusion, “why would Mu Qing kill you?” He asked. 

Before they can answer, Mu Qing lashes out with his saber, trying to cut the ghosts in half. Both ghosts manage to jump back in time but are now furious. 

“See! How did he even become a god when he acts like this!”

Mu Qing starts to attack more furiously and they are forced to fight, effectively shutting them up.

Feng Xin watched, frozen in confusion, as Mu Qing battled the two ghosts. The ghosts proved elusive, dodging Mu Qing's powerful strikes and maneuvering him closer to the bubbling cauldron. Sensing the danger, Mu Qing launched a desperate attack, but the ghosts, working in tandem, exploited his momentary vulnerability, pushing him toward the boiling water.

With a surge of adrenaline, Mu Qing sidestepped the deadly cauldron, only to find himself trapped by an invisible barrier, it was a hastily drawn array. The array separated him and the cauldron from Feng Xin and the ghosts. 

Soon Feng Xin snaps out of his confusion and tries to break the barrier separating him from Mu Qing but even after several powerful strikes, he is unsuccessful. 

“Mu Qing!!” He cries when the cauldron starts to bubble furiously behind Mu Qing, “Watch out!”

Mu Qing swiftly turns around to face the cauldron when an arm, composed of water, launches out of the cauldron and tries to grab him!

He quickly slashes the arm with his saber however, due to the properties of water, it does not affect the arm and instead continues its attack. Realizing the danger he is in, Mu Qing tries to back up quickly but is halted by the barrier. He continues to doge the arm, but it will only take one misstep for Mu Qing to get caught. 

Feng Xin desperately pounds on the barrier before spinning around and demanding the ghosts drop the barrier.

“We’re sorry General Nan Yang,” they did actually look quite sad, “but this must be done, don't worry, we have full faith in you that you will be able to control the South alone.”

“THAT DOSEN’T FUCKING MATTER!” He quickly shouts before turning back around and redoubling his attacks on the barrier.

But does it not? Is that not why we have been fighting for so long? Because you want control of the South. Or does it not matter, you don’t care if you rule the South with someone else as long as it is not me?

Distracted by these thoughts, Mu Qing’s foot slipped on one of the many piles of water from the cauldron hand splashing about and it quickly took the opportunity to grab him.

Its touch burned , it was almost as bad as the lava on Mount Tonglu.

Mu Qing thrashed wildly as Feng Xin finally managed to break the barrier with the resounding sound of shattering glass.

“MU QING!” Feng Xin shouted, his hand reaching out. Mu Qing copied his movements and their fingers brushed before the hand gave a large tug and pulled Mu Qing into the water.

“MU QING YOU FUCKER!!!” Feng Xin shouted again as he raced up to peer inside the cauldron. However the inky black waters did not have a single ripple. Feng Xin, in his brilliant glory, decided to jump in the cauldron as well. 

The ghosts, still observing from the sidelines, cried, “General Nan Yang, wait!”

However Feng Xin’s ears were deaf to their pleas and he jumped in. 

Chapter Text

“All this bullshit—enough with your bullshit!” Feng Xin cussed. “No one wants to hear your excuses! Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out!”

A part of Mu Qing broke at hearing those words, but he still had to try. If Feng Xin and Xie Lian kicked him out now, he would have nowhere to go. His mother had died a couple of days after he left the first time, and he had been alone for so long while trying to get food for Feng Xin and Xie Lian. But Mu Qing was tired. If they did not accept his help now, what was the point? He had no one to live for and no one that needed him to live. He was utterly and completely alone.

Mu Qing tried again. “If you put yourself in my shoes—”

Feng Xin cut him off. “I told you I’ve had enough of your bullshit! I’m not listening! I just know that even in your shoes, I wouldn’t have done what you did. No need to put myself in your shoes because you’re nothing more than a traitor!”

Mu Qing couldn't take it anymore. Why must they always see the worst in him? Why can't they at least try to see him for who he is and what he does?

Mu Qing looked angry now, and he took a step forward. “When His Highness was in a tight spot, wasn’t he forced to commit robbery? So why can’t you accept hardship as an excuse when it comes to me?”

Feng Xin sputtered. “Huh? Robbery? Who committed robbery? His Highness robbed someone? What crap are you fucking saying?”

Watching Feng Xin’s rage gradually turn to shock, Mu Qing finally realized something wasn’t right, and he hesitantly turned to Xie Lian. “You... you didn’t...?”

Mu Qing had messed up. He had completely and irrevocably messed up, and there was no going back. This was it, he thought. I am going to be all alone, forever.

“Aaaaaaaaaah!”

Xie Lian went mad and grabbed a random object to chase Mu Qing away. He didn't dare speak even after Xie Lian hit him multiple times. Yet when he looked back, the thing Xie Lian was using to chase him out the door was a broom. His face instantly darkened.

“Do you have to taunt me like this?!” Am I really that much of a joke to you? Do you really want me gone that bad?

“Get out of here!” Xie Lian cried brokenly.

Sharp gales blew from the force of Xie Lian’s punch. Mu Qing dodged the brunt of the attack, but only barely, and he still received a thin, bloody cut on his cheek. He touched the wound, then looked at the blood on his hand with an unreadable expression.

You… you… really do hate me. I am sorry I messed up but don’t worry, you won't see me again. I promise. This is only one cut of many you have given me today. Mu Qing wished he could say these things directly to Xie Lian but didn't dare.

“...Fine. I’m leaving.”

Xie Lian was doubled over, racked with shivers from head to toe. Mu Qing took a few steps forward and placed the rice sacks back on the ground.

“I’m really leaving.”

Will you let me stay, even if you hate me? Please… I have no one else. I only wish to help you and not be so alone anymore. Ha, Mu Qing thought darkly. Even my reasons for staying are selfish in my own mind.

Xie Lian’s head shot up. When Mu Qing saw the look in Xie Lian’s eyes, he swallowed and didn’t linger any longer, leaving with a sweep of his sleeves.

I'm sorry, you hate me but I don’t think I can fix this anymore. I will be sure to uphold your last wish; neither of you will see me anymore.

…………………….

Mu Qing just walked, not knowing where to go anymore. His mother was dead, his kingdom was gone, Feng Xin hated him (that wasn’t new), and Xie Lian… Even though he always thought Xie Lian just assigned him as his servant for charity, he had never hurt him or even talked down to him. He seemed to genuinely care, even if he never took notice of some things and his ways of “helping” only hurt him more. But now… he HATED Mu Qing, and he never wished to see him again. For good reason, Mu Qing thought. He used to think that his reasons were justified and that they knew he would always come back to help, but now he wasn't so sure. Did they really think I was just going to walk away and never help them again? Did they think that little of me? Did they not think I would care for my mother? Why do they think I always collected cherries… they knew who they were for. Or did they not care if my mother died as long as I stayed by their side because I had to be “loyal”? What is loyalty anyway? Should I be loyal to a monster that kills thousands just because I am his servant and servants are loyal? Why is good and bad always so black and white for Feng Xin and Xie Lian? How do they see it so easily?

Mu Qing didn’t know how long he had walked. He couldn't feel his feet anymore and his legs ached, yet he still walked. Should he even bother to ascend to the Heavens? He had duties to do, but no punishments would come if they can’t even find him anymore.

Eventually, he found himself in an ominous forest. The air was dark and musty, and just a slight breeze sent an unnatural chill down his back. The trees seemed to reach out to him with claw-like branches, and not even the sound of insects could be heard.

Despite that, there still seemed to be a presence here, an evil one that wished to do Mu Qing harm. However, Mu Qing didn't particularly care. He continued to walk farther into the forest, unbothered by the fact that the force seemed to be getting closer. The cut on his cheek still hurt, but he couldn't find the will to heal it with his spiritual powers. He would rather keep it because it served as a reminder. You're worthless, the voices in his mind chanted. You're nothing. Everyone hates you and can’t stand to be around you. Why are you even still here? Don't you understand that no one likes you and no one even needs you? You're just embarrassing yourself, still being here and all.

The bitter wind picked up, winding through the trees and creating a low moan. It sneaked up Mu Qing’s back, causing goosebumps to break out over his arms. Finally, he could no longer find the energy to continue, collapsing to the forest floor and leaning against a nearby tree.

The rough bark sent pinpricks of pain as it scraped against his back. However, the pain had an unexpected side effect. It helped quiet his mind of the constant nagging and the voices that relentlessly chased him. Huh, could pain be the answer? Could more pain help stop the voices?

Mu Qing quickly yanked back the sleeve on his arm and dragged it across the jagged bark. Small red dots of blood quickly welled up on his arm, and the voices… they quieted. Ecstatic by this realization, he quickly did it again, and again, and again… Until his entire arm was a gory mess with rivulets of blood dripping off and forming a copious puddle below him.

Mu Qing’s face broke into a maniacal smile as he looked at his arm, and the look in his eyes would send chills down even a seasoned warrior’s spine. Blood continued to splatter the leaves below as he sat there, unmoving. Drip, drip, drip… the brown leaves had by now turned a bright crimson.

Mu Qing flopped back around, leaning against the blood-soaked bark and clutching his bleeding arm, still holding the unsettling look in his eyes and smiling alarmingly. It worked, it worked, it worked, it worked.

Soon, however, the voices returned with a vengeance. Ha! To think that the little servant boy is so weak to fall this far! Your robes are disgusting, covered in blood and dirt. How do you live with yourself? Even servants such as yourself shouldn't have such disgusting robes… and on and on the voices continued, but now Mu Qing knew how to deal with them.

He quickly grabbed the sword strapped to his side and started making deep cuts on his arms and legs. Soon, scarlet blood blossomed all over his robes, but that didn't deter him. He didn't stop until he couldn't hear the voices over the overwhelming pain.

Worth it, he thought as he panted heavily. Anything is worth it to be rid of the voices, the pain, the suffering, the jeering, mocking, the memories.

Eventually, he gathered enough energy to walk again, doing so painfully slowly, every movement causing new pain to shoot through his legs and arms, and yet, he still wore the maniacal smile. He leaned heavily on the trees as he walked but still continued. He left a large bloody trail behind him as he limped. He would be easy prey for even a lone dhole*, yet the suppressing presence he felt earlier seemed to have disappeared, proud of its work.

Eventually, as he started to get used to the pain, the voices returned with a vengeance, and no matter how many times he cut himself or how deeply he cut himself, sometimes even hitting bone, they would not stop this time. Instead, they took upon the jeering voice of Feng Xin and whispered lines from fights he wished he could forget. "You're just a waste of space—everything you touch falls apart." "Everyone would be better off if you just disappeared." "You're so pathetic, it's almost comical." "No one actually cares about you—they just pity you." "I can't stand the sight of you."

His spirit and body broken, Mu Qing collapsed on his side, his sword falling out of his grasp stained with his own blood. He started dry-heaving, having nothing in his stomach since he first left Xie Lian and Feng Xin. Instead, he had saved all the money he would have spent on food for his mother, Xie Lian, and Feng Xin. However, it wasn’t even that noble of a sacrifice, Mu Qing thought. It wasn’t like he needed to eat after he ascended; he wouldn't have died, just felt the pain. He eventually stopped dry-heaving and just lay there, lifeless.

After some time, Mu Qing felt a light cold brush against his cheeks. His eyes fluttered briefly, then stopped. However, as the sensation continued, they slowly opened. He was greeted by the sight of thousands of snowflakes leisurely falling from the sky. He blinked slowly, not comprehending the sight before him. After a couple of slow blinks, he unsteadily lifted his head and stared at the twisted canopy above him.

It seemed to be about midnight, the moon hanging high in the sky and the stars twinkling brightly.

Why do the stars shine so brightly still? Do they not know of my pain, or do they not care? Mu Qing chuckled softly, a new wave of pain shaking his body. Look at you, he thought mockingly, giving the stars feelings and thoughts. They are just stars; they don’t react to your pain because they're stars . Ugh, I’m so stupid.

As he stared unblinking at the night sky, it started to snow harder. Soon a fine layer of snow covered his entire body, some of it stained crimson from his still-bleeding wounds. A couple of snowflakes had gotten caught in his eyelashes, and he blinked furiously, trying to remove them so he could continue to stare at the sky but was unsuccessful. Eventually, he gave up as it started to snow harder, closing his eyes. He did not open them again for a long time, and no one ever came for him.

*A dhole, also known as the Asiatic wild dog, is a highly social and cooperative pack hunter native to Central, South, and Southeast Asia. With its distinctive whistling calls and reddish-brown coat, the dhole is an agile and efficient predator that preys on a variety of animals, often working together with its pack to take down larger prey. Despite its relatively small size compared to other wild canines, the dhole's teamwork and adaptability make it a formidable predator in its natural habitat.

Chapter Text

Water rushed into Mu Qing’s lungs, each breath a searing agony. The icy water, a stark contrast to its earlier fiery state, sent shivers down his spine. His body throbbed with pain, the fresh burns a stark reminder of his ordeal.

Darkness enveloped him, the black water swallowing him whole. He thrashed, desperate to break free from the watery prison. Panic surged through him as he struggled to find the surface, disoriented and lost.

Large hands suddenly grasped his wrists, dragging him upwards. One arm moved from his wrists to wrap around his waist in an intimate way, but he was too panicked to think about that, trying to shake off the hands that had grabbed him. The other hand let go and he was unable to identify where it went. He kicked, bit, and wiggled wildly but was still unable to escape.

…………………….

With a final desperate push, Feng Xin managed to get both his and Mu Qing’s heads above the inky water, despite Mu Qing struggling like a wet cat.

Mu Qing sputtered wildly, trying to force the water out of his lungs after he must have finally realized they were no longer submerged. Despite not drowning anymore, Mu Qing still fought back, aiming a well-placed elbow right at Feng Xin’s nose.

“What the heck, you fucker?!?” Feng Xin said now, his voice somewhat nasally and his arm tightening around Mu Qing’s waist as he continued treading water.

Mu Qing, finally realizing who had grabbed him, relaxed and it made Feng Xin break out into a wide grin.

I am glad the fucker trusts me now. To relax so readily in my arms must mean he finally realizes we are friends. Or he is just really hurt, fuck.

Feng Xin finally reached the edge of the cauldron and grabbed onto it with his other hand after swimming backward for a few seconds.

“You alright?” he asked, hesitantly.

Mu Qing’s pupils were blown wide, eyes staring off into the distance, not really seeing anything.

After not getting a response, Feng Xin instantly became more worried and quickly heaved both him and Mu Qing out of the water. He stood shakily, supporting Mu Qing’s full body weight as the saber wielder continued to stare blankly.

“You're not light, you realize that right?” Feng Xin said fondly, letting out a small sigh. However, he only got more and more anxious at Mu Qing’s lack of reply.

Is he okay?! What happened to him? He still has a pulse, so that’s good at least.

Deciding that Mu Qing was too heavy, he swept another arm around his legs and carried him bridal-style as he searched the cave for any lingering presence of the ghosts. However, he only took a few steps before he realized that he was lost, very lost.

He looked around in confusion, trying to remember which tunnel he came from, but he did not have Mu Qing’s memory.

“Fuck.”

He sighed again and debated calling for Ling Wen but knew Mu Qing would not want to be seen like this, so he decided against it until Mu Qing recovered.

Feng Xin retreated to the back of the cave, farthest from the cauldron, and tenderly set Mu Qing down, so that he was parallel to the floor, before sitting down near his head and leaning against the cave wall. Mu Qing’s eyes had now closed and fluttered briefly but did not open.

“Mu Qing, open your eyes for me, please.” Feng Xin said softly, carefully brushing his fingers through the hair on his scalp.

How is his hair this soft? I have never been able to admire it like this. The only time I ever touch it is when we fight, and I didn't really have the presence of mind to admire it. What a shame.

“Mu Qing, please, wake up soon…”

“Why?” Mu Qing croaked.

Feng Xin’s eyes lit up and his hand paused its movements and quickly retreated. Mu Qing let out a sad sigh at the loss, but Feng Xin was too flustered to hear it.

“M-Mu Qing!” he cried, quickly hugging the other god despite his protests.

“Get off me, you oaf!” Mu Qing said as he pushed weakly against Feng Xin’s chest, his eyes now fully open.

When was the last time someone hugged me? Mu Qing thought. When was the last time someone brushed their fingers through my hair? When was the last time Feng Xin touched me without meaning to harm me?

“I was so worried!”

“You know I wouldn't have died,” Mu Qing replied with an eye-roll.

“I can still be worried!”

“Why would you be worried?!”

“Because we're f-f-friends now, you idiot!”

Mu Qing repeatedly opened and closed his mouth, eyes wide as shivers racked his body.

Feng Xin pulled away a little, hand still firmly on his shoulders, as he looked Mu Qing straight into his obsidian eyes that held so many secrets and said, “We're friends now. I care about you. I care about your health. How do you still not realize that?!”

“I-I.. I just thought…” He trailed off and gulped deeply, looking at something over Feng Xin’s shoulder.

“Exactly, you didn't think! Actually, you probably thought too much, and it ended up getting all twisted.”

“...Just let go of me… please .”

Feng Xin just sighed, “Can you stand on your own?”

“Of course! Why would I need your help?” Mu Qing replied with a glare, finally looking at Feng Xin.

Ha, I knew that would get him to look at me. He can’t ever insinuate that he needs someone to help him.

Feng Xin released Mu Qing and stood up, brushing off his trousers and robes. He watched Mu Qing do the same, albeit somewhat unsteadily—not that he would ever say that—ready to catch him if needed.

“So… Do you know where to go?” Feng Xin asked cautiously.

To think he actually cared about me—he just needed my help, Mu Qing mentally scoffed.

“So, that's what this is all about!” Mu Qing said with a glare, crossing his arms over his chest.

“...What?”

“The whole thing down there,” he said, gesturing to the ground.

“What the heck! No! How is your mind so twisted?!?”

Mu Qing didn’t reply, continuing to glare at Feng Xin.

Feng Xin breathed deeply, “I meant every word. I truly do care about you, Mu Qing, and if you would let me, I would like to try and become real friends. Friends who are always there for each other, who confide in each other.” Who wake up in the same bed, who brush each other's hair, who go on dates together. Please just let me in, Mu Qing. I would love to be your friend, but I would also love to be something more.

Mu Qing stood there, shocked again for the second time in the past couple of moments, at Feng Xin’s confessions. Eventually, he got himself together and eyed Feng Xin warily.

“You were the one who wanted to be f-f-friends first, you idiot!” Feng Xin said, completely ruining the mood and the weight of his earlier confession.

Mu Qing, with his cheeks lightly dappled pink, replied, “Stop teasing me about that, you ineloquent dog!”

Feng Xin merely smiled and said, “I did really forget the way we came, but I know your memory is awesome, and I want to go home and dry off. Even my socks are fucking wet.”

“That’s because you jumped in the cauldron, you idiot.” Mu Qing replied with an eye roll, walking down one of the various tunnels.

“Yeah, to save you, which you still haven’t thanked me for, by the way.”

“...Thank you…” Mu Qing said, his cheeks becoming pinker.

“See, that was so hard!” Feng Xin said, beaming, which only deepened the flush on Mu Qing’s cheeks.

“So, what do you think happened to the ghosts?” Mu Qing asked casually as they walked.

“I don’t know. I don’t sense their presence anymore.”

“Well, you didn’t sense them earlier in the town either.”

“Neither did you!”

“...”

Mu Qing continued to lead the way through the tunnels, eventually returning to the room where the ladder was hanging a few feet off the ground. He gracefully leaped onto the bottom rung and started to climb up.

Wow, what a nice ass, Feng Xin thought, staring unblinkingly at said ass.

“You coming?” Mu Qing asked, turning his head around, revealing a smirk on his face as he reached near the top of the ladder.

“What?!? -Oh yeah.”

Mu Qing rolled his eyes and replied, “If you keep thinking so hard about what happened to the ghosts, you're going to make yourself qi-deviate.”

“Uh… right, sorry.” Feng Xin said, leaping up to the bottom rung of the ladder as Mu Qing reached the top and climbed off.

When Feng Xin finished climbing the ladder, he was greeted by a very impatient Mu Qing.

“Took you long enough. I was just about to shut the trapdoor and ascend on my own.”

“But you didn’t!”

“No, because I need to talk to you.”

“Uh…” Feng Xin replied, his shoulders tensing and a light sweat breaking across his forehead. Shit, did he notice I was staring at his ass? Am I about to be murdered?

“About the report, dummy.”

“Oh…” Feng Xin let out the breath he had been holding, all the tension bleeding out of his body. 

“I’ll write it and give it to you after in case you have any more details to add…” Mu Qing’s shoulders tensed, “just don't add anything about the cauldron and the ghosts, alright?”

“Alright… I have one question though—”

“—I don’t know what the ghosts were talking about, saying I killed them. They were probably just trying to create a wedge between us,” Mu Qing said, cutting Feng Xin off.

“Huh? What? Oh yeah, I figured they were lying. I know now that you would never do that.”

“What was your question then?” Mu Qing asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

We really have changed. Before, he would never believe that I didn’t do that… It's nice. A small part of his mind whispered, even if I did really do it this time. To have someone that believes you, that trusts you—I only hope that never changes.

“Oh… You know what, never mind,” Feng Xin said sheepishly.

“What? No, tell me,” Mu Qing demanded.

“Ummm… Okay, don’t get mad at me,” Feng Xin tried to look Mu Qing in the eyes before deciding against it upon seeing Mu Qing’s icy glare and instead stared at the ground, “I was just wondering…”

“C'mon, spit it out. I want to get out of my wet robes too.”

“Well… Could we do the report together?”

“What? That’s it?” Mu Qing demanded.

“Yes?” Feng Xin replied hesitantly.

Mu Qing rolled his eyes, “I would have thought you were trying to talk to a woman or profess your undying love with all of that hesitancy.”

“So…” Feng Xin was now anxiously wringing his hands. Why was “professing your undying love” one of his thoughts? Did he want me too? Feng Xin quickly shook his head. Ha, I don’t think the uptight Mu Qing could ever love someone like that.

“Sure, come by in an hour after you stop smelling like a wet dog.”

“Hey—” Feng Xin started to reply, but Mu Qing had already ascended back to the heavens.

…………………….

As Mu Qing walked back to his palace, he got many curious looks from gossipy middle court officials.

“Why do you think General Xuan Zhen looks like he just took a swim?” one official whispered to another.

“I heard he was going on a mission with General Nan Yang. They probably got into a fight somewhere.”

“Really? Why would both of them go? Does Ling Wen want them to destroy more stuff?”

“Well, I heard they were on better terms now. I think they are actually secret lovers. Who has a rival for 800 years and doesn’t at least hate fuck once?!”

Mu Qing choked violently and glanced over to where the middle officials were gossiping.

Both the other officials gasped and one asked, “Really? But I thought General Xuan Zhen had some special cultivation…”

“Well, I heard that Taizi Dianxia has the same cultivation and he seems fine.”

“You're right…” The other official responded, secretly looking over at General Xuan Zhen only to find him already staring at them, mouth agape. They squealed and jumped several feet into the air before grabbing both of their friends and trying to pull them away, “He heard us!” they whispered, pulling harder when their friends did not move.

Both the officials whipped around to find General Xuan Zhen, who had since composed himself, glaring at them. They all gulped at the fierce glare and quickly fled the scene.

After the middle court officials had run off, Mu Qing continued walking to his palace, this time much faster.

Why does everyone think I am f-f-fu, ugh I can’t even think it. What gave them that impression though! We have been fighting each other in heaven since the first day Feng Xin ascended!

Tormented by these thoughts, Mu Qing was not watching where he was going and crashed into a hard body.

“You should really watch where you are going,” Pei Ming said with a light laugh, placing steadying hands on Mu Qing’s shoulders.

Mu Qing glared at Pei Ming, shaking off his hands and folding his arms.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Ooo~ someone is in a bad mood, I see. Did someone refuse your offer of a duel, or did you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”

Mu Qing merely glared again and moved to walk past Pei Ming.

“Hey! I am talking to you, it’s rude to ignore me,” Pei Ming said, walking beside Mu Qing. “Why are you soaking wet anyways? Did Feng Xin push you into a lake? Is that why you're in a bad mood? You know I know a good way to get revenge~”

“Do you just like to hear yourself talk?” Mu Qing snapped back.

“Of course!” Pei Ming replied with a light laugh. “My voice is quite charming, don't you agree? Besides, are you saying you really don’t want to get revenge on Feng Xin?”

“...No.”

Pei Ming smiled evilly and leaned down to whisper in Mu Qing’s ear, “You know Feng Xin always stares when you let your hair down and put on that pretty eyeliner and lipstick. Honestly, a lot of people do.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Most people would say all of those things help enhance a person's beauty…”

“Y-Y-You, shameless!” Mu Qing cried, his face now completely flushed.

“Hey, you, shameless bastard! What are you saying to Mu Qing?” Feng Xin had ascended just a few minutes after Mu Qing and had finally caught up to him, only to find Pei Ming whispering suggestively in Mu Qing’s ear, causing the saber wielder’s entire face to turn red.

“Oh, nothing, just giving him some ideas. I would watch your back if I were you, General Nan Yang,” Pei Ming replied with a wink.

“What the heck are you talking about! Speak plainly!”

Seeing that both men were distracted, Mu Qing managed to escape and finally made it back to his palace. Upon arrival, he nodded sharply to the deputy at the entrance and made his way to his wing of the palace. This was unusual. Most major gods that had deputies, such as General Ming Guang, General Nan Yang, and General Tai Hua, had separate palaces for their deputies. However, Mu Qing was different in that he and his deputies shared one large palace. Upon questioning, Mu Qing would give reasonable answers such as, “That way it’s easier for my deputies to find me if need be.” Or other not-so-reasonable answers such as, “It’s a waste of merits,” despite being one of the five cardinal gods and a major martial god. The real reason, however, was because Mu Qing got… lonely. Before the Jun Wu incident, he had no friends, so even just seeing his deputies in the hall helped ease some of that loneliness. The deputies themselves were also very happy with this arrangement, as when Mu Qing merged the two palaces about 300 years ago, it meant that he and Feng Xin fought less—at least within the palace. It also had the added benefit of most of the deputies being less intimidated by their general’s cold gaze.

Mu Qing entered his room and sighed deeply. He took off his wet robes and replaced them with clean ones before getting a bucket. He then wrung out all of the water collected on the robes into the bucket. As he was doing so, however, he noticed something strange. While collected on their clothes, the water was clear like normal water. However, like when the water was in the cauldron, the water turned black when it landed in the bucket. The water wasn't just “black” either. It was like the endless abyss; it absorbed all light until you couldn't even see your reflection in it.

Mu Qing gave a light shiver and quickly looked away. He didn't want to think about how he fell in that water and the memories it dredged up. Trying to pull his thoughts from unsavory directions, Mu Qing pondered how the ghosts even got this strange water and what it was.

The only thing he could think of… no, that couldn't be it… Could it? How would they even get it? He pondered these questions as he started to put his hair up after drying it. He paused. Should he… follow Pei Ming’s advice? He did notice Feng Xin stared a lot when he did those things. It couldn't be that Feng Xin… liked it when he did that? That he found him beautiful?

He decided to take Pei Ming's advice, with the reasoning, what's the worst that could happen ?

Chapter Text

After cursing out Pei Ming for his shameless behavior- seriously what did he say to Mu Qing to make him look like that?! Feng Xin tried to look for Mu Qing only to find he had already slunk off. Cursing loudly again, Feng Xin finally stomped all the way back to his palace. He flung open the doors, so violently that if he had a deputy at the entrance like Mu Qing, they surely would have been hit by the doors. Much like Quan Yizhen, Feng Xin had no deputies in or around his palace as opposed to the other martial gods, who had deputies performing simple tasks such as guarding the main doors or organizing prayers. However, unlike Quan Yizhen he still had deputies but did not interact with them much.  

Stomping inside, the doors closed with a loud BANG behind him, but Feng Xin paid them little mind. He was still angry at Pei Ming for some unidentifiable reason and really wanted to get out of his wet robes even though they had mostly dried now.   

Why the fuck did I make my palace so big?! It takes so long to get anywhere!  

Feng Xin finally made it to his rooms, and slammed the doors open once again- he had a bad habit of doing that- and stopped in front of his mirror. Most of his hair had fallen out of his bun, multiple pieces of his armor were crooked, and his robes had ripped in several places somehow. Basically, he really did look like he just took an unwanted swim. Thinking about Mu Qing’s comment, Feng Xin sniffed himself. He didn’t even smell at all! Sure, Feng Xin could be dumb at times, but he liked to think that he knew personal hygiene thank you very much!  

Scowling at his reflection, Feng Xin whipped around and closed the doors and changed into fresh robes, leaving the wet ones in a heap outside his room for some deputy to collect later. Once Feng Xin was done changing, he stared at his reflection longer.   

Should I try and stop “smelling like a wet dog” even though I don’t smell like anything? Feng Xin never really cared about beauty like Mu Qing did, he put his hair up and wore nice robes. He made himself presentable but really didn't do anything beyond that. Why would he? He felt no need to, he was a martial god not a civil god or one of the countless other types of gods that should care more about their appearance. Plus, he was a man. Men, of course, still should care about their beauty but did not need to wear entire faces of makeup like women. Men could wear some makeup, like Mu Qing, but any more was frowned upon.   

After staring at himself for some time, he decided to try some perfume Mu Qing had given to him years ago after complaining about how he smelled, a subtle gift.  

However, to do so he had to find the thing. He couldn't remember ever getting rid of it but still, his rooms were a mess he probably wouldn't even be able to find it even if he still did have it. Looking around and frowning at his rooms in distaste he started searching.  

Feng Xin soon lost track of time. Mu Qing had said to meet him in an hour to do the report and he had wasted nearly 15 minutes before he even got to his palace. It wasn’t even like it was his fault if Pei Ming wasn’t so shameless he would have gotten to his palace a lot sooner!   

By now Feng Xin had searched about half of his rooms, he had a lot, okay? Thankfully, Feng Xin had finally found what he was looking for under a pile of other “gifts” Mu Qing had given him. He let out a happy shout when he finally discovered what he was looking for and rushed over to his mirror. By now he had decided that he would definitely wear the stupid perfume because if Mu Qing had been complaining about it for some something years, he might actually smell bad.  

However, on the way to the mirror, he finally glanced at one of the clocks on his walls. He was nearly 30 minutes late already! Quickly just spraying his whole body with the perfume, Feng Xin rushed out of his palace and ran to his rivals’ palace.  

…………………….  

Mu Qing grew increasingly worried as the clock ticked on, his already fragile resolve crumbling with each passing minute.  

Did Feng Xin not really want to come? Is he going to be freaked out by my appearance as soon as he walks in? Will he even notice?  

Many thoughts such those bounced around in Mu Qing’s head. His fingers started fidgeting as 5 minutes late became, 10, then 15, then 25. Eventually Mu Qing was convinced that Feng Xin wasn't going to come and gave a defeated sigh.  

Tears welled up in Mu Qing’s eyes, but he didn’t let them fall.  I knew I was right; I should never have believed that stupid idiot because now that I did, him abandoning me only hurts more.   

I knew we were never friends; he only wants to use me. How is that any different from anyone else though? I really shouldn't hate him for just that... Mu Qing thought with a dark chuckle. Everyone just wants to use me and yet I am still not needed because I am so worthless.  

…………………….  

Feng Xin burst into Mu Qing’s office; the speed at which he ran did not give the deputies stationed at the palace doors enough time to warn their general. And thanks to the strength Feng Xin exuded to open the door, the poor door was sent flying into the wall, barely holding on to its hinges.  Oops, now I have just made a bad situation worse.  

“I’m so sorry I am late I was just-” Feng Xin cut himself off when he finally looked at Mu Qing.  

Just one glance and Feng Xin’s blood was boiling he already got the sense that this was a big mistake. Feng Xin normally wore robes that sufficiently covered Ju Yang, however, they were never enough when it was uhm... active. Thankfully for Feng Xin’s dignity he already knew today was going to be a difficult day. Siting in a room all alone with Mu Qing’s scent enveloping him for hours? He knows he might have a couple intellectual shortcomings in some areas, but he isn't that much of an idiot, thank you very much. So, he had worn more covering robes, but he still did not prepare for that.  

Mu Qing was looking down, his hair- which was not put up into a ponytail- cascading down his face. That hair, as much as Feng Xin loved how it looked, especially down, covered his face and he couldn't help but hate it at the moment. He painted a serene picture, but also a dangerous one. He seemed to be totally engrossed in his work, making it easy for anyone to sneak up on him.  

Mu Qing slowly lifted his head, and Feng Xin couldn't breathe. As he stared at Mu Qing’s newly uncovered face, somehow becoming harder, which he didn't even think was possible.   

“Well? Are you going to finish your sentence or just stand there with your mouth open?” Mu Qing asked, raising one delicate eyebrow.  

“Umm... Umm” Feng Xin said, flustered. Deciding that he really couldn't deal with Mu Qing speaking on top of his appearance, Feng Xin rushed out of the room even faster that he came in.  

…………………….  

Due to Feng Xin’s state, he did not notice the light pink dusting Mu Qing’s cheeks and how it quickly became brighter as Feng Xin ran out of the room.  

Mu Qing once again buried his head in his work, refusing to look at the door Feng Xin had escaped through. Well at least he showed up? Mu Qing didn’t like how his heart skipped a beat when he thought about that, it was stupid to trust Feng Xin especially now that he had already put a crack in Mu Qing’s fragile trust. I knew listing to Pei Ming was a mistake. I probably look ridiculous I should just kill myself now to save myself from the embarrassment.  

Unfortunately for Mu Qing, he was a god and therefore could not die except for extremely rare circumstances. To add on to Mu Qing’s misfortune, Feng Xin had not run out of the door he entered in and instead ran out the door that attached Mu Qing’s office to his personal chambers. He really was in a tight spot.  

The only option Mu Qing could come up with was to pretend that nothing was wrong, and he had just exited his personal bath. But then why would he be wearing makeup? If he pretended that he was getting ready to go somewhere then why would his hair be down? Aha! He got it! He was preparing to go some event or another, there was always one in the heavens, but then he remembered he was supposed to be writing a report with Feng Xin. Good, now it makes it seem like Mu Qing forgot about this awful meeting as well. Why did he even come up with an excuse though? It’s not like Feng Xin would believe anything he says.  

Still, Mu Qing was embarrassed. To have that kind of reaction out of Feng Xin? He must look worse than a proboscis monkey (a type of monkey native to Asia with very large noses and are generally considered ugly).  

There was still the problem of Feng Xin being in his personal chambers. It wasn’t like Mu Qing had anything embarrassing on display or they were a mess but it was still a breach of privacy! However, some kind of greater divine entity must pity Mu Qing for his current situation because soon Feng Xin came running out of his personal chambers.  

…………………….  

After Feng Xin had run away like a coward, he dragged a hand down his face as he leaned against a wall, breathing heavily.  

“Fuck.” Feng Xin had very eloquent language.  

Trying to distract himself, he looked around. As he looked around, he noticed that whatever room he had wound up in matched Mu Qing’s tastes very well.  One notable feature was the tapestries on the walls, a unique addition that the other rooms lacked. The rest of the decor seemed typical. Blue and silver accents adorned the walls and a small candle sat perched on a dark wooden table. Beside the candle lay a book, likely abandoned by some careless deputy. And next to the table there was a—a bed?!  

Feng Xin quickly looked around, not taking his time anymore and realized he had ended up in Mu Qing’s bedroom! Much to Feng Xin’s disgust and embarrassment, Ju Yang became very excited at being in Mu Qing’s bedroom, which was the opposite reaction he wanted after leaving Mu Qing’s presence!  

Realizing that anymore time in Mu Qing’s bedroom would only end badly, he quickly rushed out, to find Mu Qing in the same position he found him in when he barged in the first time.  

“That was quick.” Mu Qing said, head still down.  

“Ha ha ha... Wrong door sorry.”  

“Yes, it was. Anyways, are you ready to get started?”  

“Mhm,” Feng Xin replied, kneeling down in front of another short desk to the right of Mu Qing, putting the other god in the corner of his left eye at all times. He couldn't tell if that was a blessing or a curse.  

Mu Qing looks up once Feng Xin has settled, leaning over to move the scroll he is working on closer to Feng Xin so he can see it as well. Feng Xin is enveloped by Mu Qing’s cherry scent and breathes deeply, trying to get it to stay with him for as long as possible. On some nights when he can’t sleep because he is thinking about what a disloyal mut he is, he will get one of his special cherry scented oils and rub that on his hands. He is pathetic, okay? However, it did not matter what oils he bought, they never compared to whatever Mu Qing used.   

“So here is what I was thinking...”  

…………………….  

Feng Xin spends several hard (pun intended) hours in Mu Qing’s presence before they both got a ping in their communication array between the three of them from Dianxia.   

“Hello?”  

“Your Highness, is something wrong?” Feng Xin asks worriedly.  

“Aha, everything is fine I was just wondering if you had the time to come over? And is Mu Qing there too?”  

“I am here.”  

“Would you like to come over as well? I would like to talk to both of you.”  

“Why?” Mu Qing asks suspiciously.  

“I just want to tell you something, it won’t take long but if you are busy, I understand.”  

“Yes, were busy.”  

“We are not! Were be right over Your Highness.”  

“Ah, good take your time.”  

With that Xie Lian leaves the communication leaving an enraged Feng Xin and annoyed Mu Qing to fight.  

“What the fuck do you mean were busy?!?”  

“Well, we are, aren't we? We are supposed to be working on this report; however, you have been notably distracted.”   

“This can wait! His Highness needs us!”  

“You heard Xie Lian too, he said it could wait.”  

“He was clearly lying!”  

“Oh, so you can tell when Xie Lian is lying but not when I am being truthful?”  

“Stop twisting my words!” Feng Xin shouts with a frustrated growl.  

“I am merely pointing out the implied undertone.”  

“Well, it wasn’t implied at all! You just twisted it in that pretty head of yours!”  

To be fair to Feng Xin, he'd had a day straight out of a Xianxia drama. First, Mu Qing almost drowned. Then, they had a surprisingly civil conversation (that was the true miracle). Next, Pei Ming decided to flirt with Mu Qing right in front of him. And to cap it all off, he was sentenced to hours of cherry-scented captivity with Mu Qing. He really wasn’t thinking straight anymore.  

‘What?” Mu Qing asked, all anger draining out of his voice and eyes going wide.  

“Uhm... Uhm...” Feng Xin said, floundering. He then copied his previous actions, bolting out of the room, this time through the right door.  

…………………….  

What was that about? Does he really think I am... No, he probably just said it out of reflex because the only one he argues more with besides me, is Jian Lan.  

A wave of envy hit Mu Qing, curling in his stomach and leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.  

No one thinks I am pretty, I must be mistaken. He wasn’t thinking because he was too busy arguing with me. I am so disgusting. He probably ran because he knew he was a bad liar and couldn't make up a lie that I was actually was pretty if I asked. I’ll just finish this report on my own, no need to make Feng Xin suffer anymore... Even if I did enjoy it. He used the perfume I got him; I thought he had forgotten all about that years ago. What about Xie Lian though? It did seem pretty urgent but I can’t just race down because he asked, I can’t seem that weak and desperate. Someone else like Feng Xin could do that. I wish I could too. I’ll just finish this report then head down. I should tell Feng Xin and Xie Lian though.  

“Xie Lian, Feng Xin, I am going to finish this report and then I will head down to see you despite the fact you won’t tell me why.”  

“Okay! Thats fine Mu Qing!” Xie Lian answers cheerily.   

Feng Xin doesn't reply. He’s probably down there already.  

Chapter Text

Xie Lian wakes up surrounded by warmth and mumbles happily while a hand slowly pets his hair.

“San Lang,” Xie says with a contented sigh.

“Mhm.”

“We should get up,” Xie Lian says with some displeasure. He starts to rise before the arm around his waist tightens and pulls him back down. He lets out a small “oof” upon falling back upon the soft bed.

“San Lang.” Xie Lian says, this time with friendly annoyance.  

“Yes, Gege?”

“We have to respond to prayers.”

“They can wait, all they do is take and take.”

“You know that’s not true San Lang, their prayers give us power.”

“Not enough to justify waking up yet.”

Unfortunately, Xie Lian can never say no to his husband. “Alright, thirty more minutes.” Xie Lian says, conceding.  

Sang Lang merely responds by cuddling closer.

…………………….

Thirty minutes later, Xie Lian wakes up to the sweet-smelling aroma of Hua Cheng’s cooking.

As Xie Lian sits up, he remarks, “Is San Lang making breakfast for us?”

“Of course, Gege.”

Xie Lian gives a light chuckle as he sits down at the small table. “Thank you, San Lang.”

“Anything for you Gege.” Hua Cheng replies, putting a bowl of congee in front of Xie Lian before sitting down across from the other man with his own bowl of congee.

The couple eats in peace, with light banter, and friendly conversation easing between them. However, Xie Lian interrupted the peace of the moment when he took a deep breath and asked, “San Lang... can we talk about something more serious?”

“Anything Gege.” Hua Cheng replies, voice losing that teasing tilt and eye becoming solemn.

Xie Lian takes another deep breath, preparing himself for the difficulty of the question he is about to ask.

“I want to talk too... Feng Xin and Mu Qing about the temple with Bai Wuxiang.”

Hua Cheng stops moving and sits there in silence for a moment before stating harshly, “Gege, you don’t need to tell those bastards anything, they should respect you without you even having to say a thing. They should respect you for who you are, the amazing, kind, and generous God who has saved countless lives.”

“I Know Sang Lang,” Xie Lian replies with a sad smile, “I want to do this for myself.”

“How would it help Gege?”

“I just think...” Xie Lian sighs deeply, staring at his mostly empty plate. “I just think it would help me; to get something off my chest, I shouldn't keep it all to myself anymore. You have shown me how much ignoring my problems and burying them deep has affected me and you are right, I should talk to people about them such as you.”

“Yes, I agree Gege should tell me his problems but what do the two brats have to do with it?”

“They have been my friends for such a long time, we used to tell each other everything. Or... Feng Xin and I did, I realize now I never made Mu Qing feel welcome, but I want to fix that. I want to be able to communicate easily, without judgment, I want to tell them everything, I want to get Mu Qing to finally open up, and understand he does not need to suffer in silence.”

“Gege wants to rekindle his friendships? Am I not all Gege needs? Gege is all I need.”

“Oh San Lang, I could never live without you, you are my heart, my soul, my reason for living. But we both need to have interactions with other people, we need more than one kind of relationship. We need to rely on other people as well, you already do.”

“Who else do I rely on?” Hua Cheng asks, sounding genuinely confused.

“Well Yin Yu for one, he does all kinds of things for you in Ghost City and I know how worried you were when he almost died. Another is He Xuan, while you two might not have interacted as much, there is still a kind of familiarity I picked up on and you had to rely on him to search the Heavens while you were looking for me.”

“Gege is... right. I never realized how many people I relied on.” Hua Cheng says, in awe.

Xie Lian replies with a light laugh, “We all rely on more people than we realize, even if they are nothing but memories anymore.”  

“Who does Gege rely on?”

“All sorts of people! There is you, of course, I would never be the same without San Lang by my side. I rely on my friends, Feng Xin, Mu Qing, Shi Qingxuan, Yushi Huang, and Ling Wen. Everyone needs someone to rely on even if they don’t realize it.”

“Gege has so many friends.”

“My friends are your friends too San Lang, you can rely on them as well.” Xie Lian says, with a cheeky smile.

Hua Cheng’s face scrunches in disgust. “Why would I want to be friends with either of the two idiots?”

Xie Lian laughs lightly and takes a sip of his now cold tea. “You might act like you don’t care about them but I know deep down you do.”

“Why does Gege think I care about them?”

“I know how much you make fun of them and insult them but don’t think you would ever actually hurt them.”

Hua Cheng isn’t so sure, they had hurt his Gege, especially Mu Qing, and never even apologized but if Gege did not want him to hurt them, he wouldn't no matter his contempt. That doesn't mean he would treat them with overflowing kindness though. The bastards still needed to pay for leaving his Gege.

“Okay... So, when is Gege going to tell them about the temple?” Hua Cheng asks, shaking slightly.

“Oh San Lang,” Xie Lian says smiling kindly and moving over to Hua Cheng’s side of the table to bend down on his knees next to Hua Cheng’s chair. Hua Cheng’s eyes go wide and quickly tries to pull Xie Lian up but is unsuccessful. “I won’t tell them if you don’t want me to, this isn’t just about me, this is about you too.”

Hua Cheng continues to stare at his husband after giving up on trying to pull him up. Braking out of his reprieve from shock, he quickly gets off his chair and kneels next to Xie Lian, hugging him tightly.

“Gege can do whatever he wants.”

“No, I want your honest opinion, can you handle me telling them about it?” You don’t even need to be in the room if you don’t want to or I could just not tell them at all.”

Hua Cheng breathes deeply, hugging Xie Lian tighter, “If Gege wants to tell them about what happened, I will support Gege. I will support Gege in anything he wants to do.”

“Are you sure?” Xie Lian asks tenderly over Hua Cheng’s shoulder.

“Yes.” Hua Cheng replies confidently, pulling back and staring into his husband’s eyes.

“Okay.” Xie Lian replies softly with a small smile as he searches Hua Cheng’s face for any sign of discomfort. Upon finding none, he once again utters a small, “Okay.”

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Chapter Text

Mu Qing works diligently on the report for the next half an hour, which is what he would say if he is a liar. Which he is, sometimes, but not this time. Instead, Mu Qing works but not diligently, he is distracted by thoughts about why Xie Lian needs him and Feng Xin, what Feng Xin meant, and whether Hua Cheng is also at Puqi shrine. Well, he knew the answer to the last question. Wherever Xie Lian was, Hua Cheng would surely be there too.

Mu Qing finishes the report about an hour after Feng Xin leaves. He quickly puts up his hair and removes most of his makeup, leaving only the tiniest amount of red eyeliner. Mu Qing quickly notifies Xie Lian he is on his way before descending and traveling to Puqi shrine.

Mu Qing knocks hesitantly, still unsure of why Xie Lian specifically called for them but resolute in his decision to come even without an explanation. Xie Lian opens the door with a beaming smile and invites Mu Qing in while also asking if he wants tea. Mu Qing accepts, knowing tea is the only thing Xie Lian can make without accidentally setting the kitchen ablaze, and he'll need it to survive Hua Cheng's stony look.

Inside, Feng Xin sits with his back to the door, leaving an open seat to the left of him. The other open seat, next to Hua Cheng, is clearly Xie Lian's. Mu Qing sits next to Feng Xin and pretends to ignore how Feng Xin stiffens and how his own chest tightens. Xie Lian sits down across from Mu Qing and pours him tea. Mu Qing notes the tension in the air, how it crushes his chest, how his heart moves faster, he doesn’t know what is coming but knows it is nothing good.

Xie Lian breaks the vigil like silence. “I know you are both wondering why I called you here…” Xie Lian takes a deep breath which causes Hua Cheng to place a comforting hand on his knee. “I want to talk about the past.”

Mu Qing and Feng Xin immediately become tense. They know Xie Lian wouldn't randomly call them to reminisce about their time as disciples—he means after Xianle fell.

“Is there something you wanted to talk about specifically…” Feng Xin hedges.

“Yes.” Xie Lian gives a small smile, holding his tea up to his mouth and taking a long sip before continuing, “I want to talk about what happened when I was gone for two months.”

Mu Qing frowns, “You were gone for two months?”

Xie Lian gives a shy smile as he glances over. “After you left.”

Mu Qing flinches violently and looks down, unable to meet Xie Lian’s eyes. His chest is a vice, crushing his poor heart until all he can feel is a fathomless agony. There is pain for leaving, pain for affecting Xie Lian so deeply, pain for his useless, disgusting, self. Mu Qing had felt the deep torture of his actions for a while, it has been his constant companion for the past 800 years. Somehow the darkness he has lived in for the past centuries barely holds a candle to the cavernous, carving pain he feels now. He left. There is no excuse for someone as repulsive and revolting as himself. But he knows he would do it again and again and again. He would do it all again for another moment with his mother because she would always come first in his life, no matter what.  

He can feel Hua Cheng’s disapproving glare and his overwhelming hatred for hurting his Gege but Mu Qing does not even glance up from his fidgeting hands. He can’t. He wants to bolt, to run till his expensive but tasteful shoes have worn, till his feet are more blood and sinew than skin, and his heart bursts from exhaustion. He wants to never come back.

Xie Lian begins again, unaware of Mu Qing’s anguish. “One night, I overheard my parents and Feng Xin discussing their worries about me. At the time, I saw White No-Face in mirrors, reflections, and even behind Feng Xin occasionally. However, no one else could see him, which caused them to worry about my mental health.”

Mu Qing manages to tear his gaze away from his lap, glancing over at Feng Xin to gauge his reaction to the story. Feng Xin is staring at a point over Xie Lian’s shoulder, lost in thought. He looks so... hurt. Not even Mu Qing’s most vicious insults had ever made him look like this—like someone had just told him his life was a lie and all his family had died horrifically.

“When I heard them talking about me... I didn’t know how to feel. Even I knew I looked like a madman. I was angry, but I didn’t know who to be angry at. My mind was already fracturing at that point. I could barely function, desperately wishing for the past when Feng Xin’s belief in me was unwavering, but knowing it wasn’t like that anymore.”

This time, it is Feng Xin who flinches, lowering his gaze to his lap, before remaining completely still.

“I knew it was unreasonable to expect even one person to believe me, and I knew Feng Xin did, just not entirely. So... I ran away.”

Xie Lian takes a steadying breath, “I know this is hard for you all to hear, it’s hard to say but just know I am glad you guys are listening and I want you to know that I don’t feel that way anymore.”

Both Mu Qing and Feng Xin struggle to raise their gazes from their respective laps but manage to look Xie Lian in the eye, he has a soft smile on his face.

After I ran away, my goal was to kill White No-Face. I don’t know why I thought I could, being a mortal and all.” Xie Lian chuckles softly in self-pity. “I ran for a while before encountering a bunch of ghost fires trying to dissuade me from continuing. Unfortunately, I was ruled too heavily by emotions and ignored them, not even sparing a thought for why they were blocking my path. As I continued, I encountered one of my old temples and when I sat down to wait for White No-Face, a bunch of mortals arrived saying they were lost. I soon figured out they were lured by White No-Face. After about four hours and the temple completely filling up, a man with Human Face Disease showed up and tried to enter the temple. I prevented him from doing so but people began to panic. Soon more people with the disease showed up but I prevented all from entering and getting everyone else sick.”

Xie Lian took a moment to center himself before continuing. “Then White No-Face showed up.”

Mu Qing and Feng Xin's eyes instantly shifted from their examination of the walls and floors to lock onto his face. Their bodies were tense and their fists clenched. They didn’t want to hear what happened next but would do so for Xie Lian’s sake.  

“He tried to convince me to join his side, but I stood firm in my decision to never join him. We ended up in a verbal sparring match while I swung a tree branch at him. Foolishly, I told him he couldn't kill me and that I would eventually defeat him. He responded, ‘I hope you don’t have any regrets about this later,’ before knocking me unconscious. When I woke up, I was tied down by a silk band—”

Mu Qing stops listening.

“I hope you don’t have any regrets about this later.”

“I hope you regret your betrayal now.” 

“Do you regret it yet?” 

“What about now?” 

“Now?” 

Mu Qing is breathing heavily, breaths coming out in desperate pants yet Xie Lian is still talking. Bits and pieces make their way into Mu Qing’s fractured mind.

“—White No-Face said I knew the cure—”

If only there was a cure for my disgusting personality and actions. 

“—They were desperate—”

I was desperate. 

“—gagged me—”

With a ribbon made by my mother. 

“—stabbed me—”

Whipped me, punched me, kicked me, bullied me. 

“—Eventually I lost my sanity—”

What sanity did I have to begin with? 

“—I was stabbed one hundred times—”

I lost count sometime after two hundred. 

Once Xie Lian finishes his story and regains his composure, he looks at his two friends and notices Mu Qing’s pale face. Mu Qing is normally quite pale, but now he looks ghostly, unnaturally so. His eyes are distant, seeing something only he can perceive, yet his face remains devoid of any emotion.

Xie Lian reaches out over the small table to place a comforting hand on Mu Qing’s shoulder but before he can reach him, Mu Qing collapses to the left, narrowly avoiding hitting his head on the wall.  

“Mu Qing!”

…………………….

After a quick wash, Mu Qing spends his meager earnings on bags of rice as he doesn't have money for anything more lavish or even medicine for His Majesty. He just wants to get this over with. He will drop off the rice before Xie Lian even returns, hopefully, no one will even be at the dilapidated cottage when he gets there.

Mu Qing should have known better to never hope.

“Why did you come back?! Have you come crawling back begging for forgiveness after they didn’t want you in heaven?!” Feng Xin shouts.  

Mu Qing squares his shoulders. “I just want to help; I bought some rice.”

"Pah," Feng Xin sneers. "Feeling guilty in your lavish palace? I see you're doing much better now," he says, eyeing Mu Qing’s fancy robes. Although they are nowhere near what a true god would wear, they are still a significant improvement from the ragged rags he wore before he left. "Yet you still can’t even afford proper food."

Mu Qing sighs dejectedly. “I don’t have a palace, Feng Xin. I’m not even paid in mortal money and I barely receive any merits. I got the money for this rice by working extra alongside my job as a deputy official.”

“Oh.” Feng Xin blinks. “My point still stands though, why did you come back?”  

Another crack in Mu Qing’s heart. It feels like it’s about to shatter. Why can’t you ever see the good in me? Mu Qing silently screams. Why can’t you just believe I want to help? That I care too, that every insult leaves a mark. 

“I want to help, I always intended to come back after I had money to share.”

“Then why didn’t you say so?” Feng Xin asks as he squints at Mu Qing’s slouched form with crossed arms.

“I didn’t think you two would believe me and it wouldn't change anything.”

“What the fuck! It would change a lot and who are you to say if we would believe you or not? If you weren't such a two-faced liar you wouldn't even have these concerns!”

Mu Qing’s eyes blaze in fury as his back straightens and fists clench. “Say that again, I dare you.” Mu Qing demands coldly.

Instead of his usual anger, Feng Xin’s body collapses. “I don’t want to fight you, Mu Qing. Why don’t you sit down an tell me who you’re working under and what you’re doing as a deputy god, and I’ll tell you about what’s going on around here.”

Mu Qing blinks in confusion as he’s not used to Feng Xin giving up so easily. “Okay…”

Mu Qing puts down the bags of rice, cautiously making his way to the rickety table as he sits down across from Feng Xin.

The two rivals manage a peaceful conversation, reminiscing like old friends. Mu Qing is caught off guard when Xie Lian arrives. Nothing survives Xie Lian’s anger, and Mu Qing leaves, cradling the remaining pieces of his heart.

…………………….

A month has passed since he was kicked out by Xie Lian for the last time. A month has passed since he woke up bleeding out in the snow. A month has passed, and Mu Qing is waiting for it to all go wrong again.

Mu Qing is on a straightforward mission: find and eliminate the ghost, a minor menace capable of destroying a household of 2-5 people. He immediately gets lost.

I should have found the town by now; it wasn’t far from where I descended so where is it? 

Thick fog blankets the ground, weaving between the trees. However, this is a common sight in this area, due to the heavy rainfall and the nearby large lake. Mu Qing isn’t aware of exactly how long he has been walking but it has been nearly two hours and the walk was supposed to only take about an hour.

Mu Qing can’t feel any sort of malicious Qi and has no choice but to keep walking along the road he is following. All roads have to lead somewhere otherwise what is the point? He rationalizes as he drags one foot in front of the other. As Mu Qing is thinking about giving up and ascending to look over the exact location again, the road stops.

Mu Qing’s eyes travel upwards as he gazes upon the quaint temple, then widen in shock as he sees who it is dedicated to. It’s a temple dedicated to the crown prince of Xianle! Mu Qing slowly approaches, all senses on high alert as he climbs the dilapidated steps. He cautiously pokes his head inside. Inside are a few burnt out incense sticks, a small table, and a painting of the crown prince. Mu Qing walks through the doorway, eyes set on the portrait. It’s not the best, the lines are wobbly and it kind of looks like he only has one arm but it’s intact. The entire temple is in fact besides the damage nature has done. Most temples of the crown prince have been ransacked or burnt down, leaving little beauty in the rubble.

“I’m so glad you finally came.”  

Mu Qing's eyes dart to the corner where he heard the voice, his hand moving to the hilt of his saber. But when he sees the source of the voice, his eyes widen with fear, and his grip on the hilt slackens.

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Chapter Text

Mu Qing takes a step back, prepared to turn around and dart out of the building. While running away could be called a cowardly move, he could care less. This was no ordinary spirit; this was an infamous ghost king, one that had slaughtered thousands in cold blood!

However, before Mu Qing can run, a hand shoves him forward. He stumbles farther into the temple but Mu Qing manages to stay on his feet. Mu Qing whips around, his relatively short hair briefly whipping around his face, his gaze fixed on the figure even as his body trembles minutely.

“And where do you think you're going?” The figure drawls.

Mu Qing’s only response is the sharp rasp of his saber leaving its sheath. Hopeless perhaps but he won’t go down without a fight.

“Oh?” The white clothed figure asks inquisitively. “What do you think you're going to do with that?”

Mu Qing again does not reply, instead getting into a fighting stance and waits for his opponent to make the first move.

“You know,” the figure continues, “I have always admired your fighting spirit. Pity it’s overshadowed by your… less appealing qualities. And your upbringing, really who would trust a servant?”

The figure advances, seemingly oblivious to the saber now pointed at his chest, and casually grapes the blade between two fingers. Mu Qing freezes at its approach, statue-still. With a sharp tug, The figure yanks on the saber, dragging the wielder closer to him so he can roughly grab his neck and tug the saber out of his trembling grip.

Mu Qing gasps sharply as his windpipe is crushed. “So weak,” the figure sneers. “It’s a miracle you were ever picked up by the Crown Prince. Not that you cared. You abandoned him at the first opportunity you saw.”

Mu Qing struggles, clawing at the arm cruising his throat, but it’s no use. A strangled squeak escapes him.

“You have something to say little mouse? You’re going to have to speak up.” The figure hurls Mu Qing across the room. He crashes into a small table, shattering it, wooden splinters embedding themselves in his back.

“Who am I?” The figure asks, crouching down in front of Mu Qing.

Mu Qing groans and attempts to sit up.

“I think you knew from the moment you laid eyes on me didn't you? That’s why you're acting like a trembling pup. I’m flattered. The mighty Mu Qing, trembling before me.” The figure’s laughter is not one of joy or happiness, it would be a miracle if such a creature even knew such things existed. Instead it’s mocking, like a crow’s. “Who am I?”

Mu Qing manages to push himself up and looks at the figure with burning hatred in his obsidian eyes, “You’re the bastard that sent the plague. You’re White No-Face.”

White No-Face's mask contorts into a maniacal grin. “Correct.” White No-Face then lunges. A blood red silk band materializes out of nowhere and White No-Faces uses it to bind Mu Qing’s arms behind his back and tie his legs together in front of him. As he works, Mu Qing thrashes, the splinters in his back driving deeper into his skin with every movement.

“I am going to hurt you.” White No-Face states calmly. “I am going to make you wish you were never born, wish you never did what you did.”

“Did what?” Mu Qing spits, the fire of his anger only stoked by his new vulnerable position.

“You left. Twice. You betrayed the Crown Prince when he needed you most. And while I am glad you did, only I am allowed to hurt the Crown Prince as deeply as you did.”

“You’re fucked up. Did your mommy drop you on your head when you were a baby? There is something wrong with you.”

“If you ever wonder why you are hated so much you don’t have to look far Mu Qing. It’s your words and actions that drive people away. You have no one to blame but yourself.”

The fire in Mu Qing flickers. It’s not new information but it still hurts to hear someone else saying it to his face.

White No-Face continues. “You aspire to be the Crown Prince, but you will never be like him. His voice is the light sing of birdsongs in the morning, his actions pure and just, his skin smoother than the fairest jade. I corrupt him.  I will make his voice like the croak of toads, his actions driven by hate and disgust. His beauty, however… even I wouldn't dare defile such a masterpiece.

“Oh I get it.” Mu Qing says with a twisted smile. “You love the Crown Prince. You want to be him. You’re ugly, you’re cruel, and you want him to be the same. You're no better than the dirt beneath his shoe. You don’t just want to be him either, that’s not enough for you, oh no no, you want him to be yours, you possessive cut-sleeve.”

“Be quiet. I don’t have to listen to you.” For the first time, White No-Face’s composure cracks. Pure, unrestrained anger flashes through his voice.

He seizes Mu Qing’s head, yanking it forward and roughly grabs the ribbon in his hair. He pulls it out with a yank and balls it up and stuffs it in Mu Qing’s mouth, using a bit of spiritual energy to keep it there.

Unbeknownst to White No-Face, this ribbon has significant significance to Mu Qing, it’s the last one of his mothers. It shimmers with a cool, metallic sheen, like moonlight on freshly fallen snow. The silver isn't a flat, dull color; it has depth and texture, almost as if tiny threads of light are woven through it, giving it a subtle, undulating glow. Overlaying this shimmering silver are designs of light blue snow and ice. These aren't just printed patterns; they seem to be etched into the ribbon, almost as if the cold itself has crystallized onto the surface. The light blue is a delicate, glacial shade, reminiscent of a clear winter sky just after sunset. The snow designs vary. Some are delicate snowflakes, each intricate branch and point meticulously detailed, like miniature works of art.  Others are more abstract, swirling patterns that suggest drifting snow or the wind whipping across a frozen landscape. The designs aren't evenly distributed across the ribbon either. They cluster in some areas, creating focal points, and thin out in others. This uneven distribution adds to the ribbon's organic feel, making it seem like a piece of winter captured in fabric form and the edges of the ribbon have a slightly frayed look, as if delicate tendrils of ice are reaching out.

It’s his mother’s magnum opus. Now, it is being ruined. The edges unravel more, the colors being dulled by salvia. Mu Qing weeps silently, the weight of his situation crushing him.

White No-Face pays no attention to his tears as he positions Mu Qing on the floor and draws a long, sharp, dagger.

“We will start here.”

White No-Face drags the dagger across Mu Qing’s face, blood blooming across pale, sickly, skin. Mu Qing’s breaths quicken as the dagger slides to his throat, lightly caressing his carotid artery, it would take one flick and he would bleed out on the floor in a few minutes. White No-Face is a master though, and his neck remains unmarked as he travels lower, hitting the edge of his robe.

White No-Face then quickly rears back, stabbing the dagger deep into Mu Qing’s heart. Mu Qing gasps in pain as he is stabbed, blood quickly blooming across the fabric as the dagger slides out again.

“Oh I’m sorry, my hand slipped. I hope that didn’t hurt.”

It seems White No-Face has very shaky hands as he stabs again, and again and…

10… 11… 12… 39… 57… 100… 121… 176… 198… 199… 200…

Mu Qing barely clings onto consciousness, remaining sane only by counting each and every stab as White No-Face stabs his heart, thighs, and even cutting through the bones and ligaments in his arms. Soon the number gets too great and he loses count, only having the words White No-Face shouts to tumble around in his broken brain.

“I hope you regret your betrayal now.”

“Do you regret it yet?”

“What about now?”

“Now?”

I regret it, I regret it made it stop please I can’t handle it anymore, I’ll do anything. Please please please—

Unfortunately no god or ghost hears Mu Qing’s pleas or if they do, they are ignored. White No-Face brings out a whip and turns him over. The whip sails through the air, hitting fabric and ripping through brutality to hit the unmarked skin below, turning it into crossing streams of bright red blood, brighter than even the bands holding him.

Why am I still alive? How am I still alive?  I should have died with that first strike? Why can I still feel pain? Is this my eternal punishment for my actions? I thought I was better, I thought my reasons were just.

They were not.

They were not.

They were not.

They were not.

They were not.

They were not.

I regret them.

I regret them.

I regret them.

I regret them.

I regret them.

I regret them.

Please, please, please make it stop, I have learned my lesson.

Mu Qing’s beloved ribbon is soaked with silvia, tears, and blood. The once pristine fabric has been dyed a light pink, it will never return to its previous beauty. White No-Face is mumbling to himself as he works, sentences and phrases floating to Mu Qing at random.

“Did this to him too.”

“Was much more beautiful.”

“He should survive this strike if I angle it a little more to the left—”

“My magic is truly impressive to keep him alive through all of this.”

“I wonder if would survive this—”

“What about this—”

“I wonder how long it would take him to recover.”

Eventually the pain stops and the last dredges of Mu Qing’s consciousness slip into a deep slumber. Once White No-Face was gone, the ribbon, as if with a will of its own, slipped free of Mu Qing's mouth and curled protectively around his injured wrist. Mu Qing does not wake for a very, very, long time.

This fic has been converted for free using AOYeet!

Chapter Text

“—Mu Qing! Mu Qing!” 

Mu Qing blinks up at the worried faces of Xie Lian and Feng Xin. 

“What happened? Are you alright?” Xie Lian asks frantically.  

“Of course…” Mu Qing mumbles, puzzled by why Xie Lian and Feng Xin seem so tall until he realizes he is on the floor. Quickly, he stands up, black spots swirling in his vision as his head pounds to an unfamiliar rhythm. 

“Mu Qing… you aren’t if you just fainted for no apparent reason.” Xie Lian says worriedly. 

“Yeah! His highness had just finished telling his… story, and then you fainted! We were all worried!” Feng Xin half-shouts. 

“I wasn’t worried.” Hua Cheng comments, helpfully. 

Mu Qing doesn't hear them clearly, still trying to tell up from down but upon hearing “story” his memories rush back in violently and Mu Qing starts shaking slightly.

“You're shaking!” Xie Lian exclaims pulling his friend in for a hug. “I didn’t think my story was that scary!”

Upon being hugged, Mu Qing stills before pulling back sharply and grabbing his friend by the shoulders so he can look him dead in the eye. 

Xie Lian gazes back at Mu Qing’s obsidian eyes, this is the most off-kilter he has seen his friend. He looks crazed, ready to lash out at anyone at any time.

Mu Qing starts shaking slightly again before very, very softly whispering, “he-he-he did that to you too?”

“What the fuck?” Feng Xin asks kindly, frowning. 

Mu Qing’s head jerks up sharply to look at Feng Xin before Mu Qing’s eyes widen when the realization of what he said, and the implications of such a statement sink in.

Mu Qing tries to pull away from Xie Lian’s hands still hugging his waist but the stronger martial god only tightens his grip. Xie Lian is burning in anger for Mu Qing, he knows the saber wielder wouldn't say such a statement on purpose or as a lie, he would only admit a weakness when he is forced or confused. Xie Lian wants to know what White No-Face did, that monster , he wants to storm to Tonglu Mountain, find the remains of Jun Wu’s soul and demand answers. But he knows he can’t . Jun Wu is still here, his soul not yet fully dissipated but Mu Qing needs him now, here and present to console him. Revenge can wait.

Xie Lian gently runs his hands down his friend's back, despite his frantic struggling to free himself. “It’s okay, It’s okay, everything's fine, you're safe.”

Mu Qing finally stops struggling like a wet cat after realizing the futility of his actions, relaxing in his friend’s arms as he sinks to the floor, defeated. Xie Lian joins his friend and drags him closer as Mu Qing buries his face in Xie Lian’s neck. Feng Xin also sank to the floor next to the two, his face filled with worry and confusion, unsure of what to do and what happened. Xie Lian makes the decision for Feng Xin though and drags him closer so Mu Qing is pressed in between their two bodies, crying gently. They both hug him fiercely as the sobs quietly lessen, then stop as he comes back to himself. 

“Mu Qing, can you tell us what happened?” Xie Lian asks, as gently as he can.

It gained the wrong reaction from Mu Qing. He stiffens and tries to throw them both off, elbows flying. One hits Feng Xin in the stomach and he lets out a pained grunt as he absorbs the blow. Xie Lian manages to avoid the hits and stops Mu Qing from getting up, once again whispering words of consolation. It doesn't work this time, Mu Qing only getting more and more frantic before a light pink ribbon, slips out from an unknown part of Mu Qing’s robes and winds around one of Xie Lian’s wrist pulling it back enough for Mu Qing to escape after roughly shoving Feng Xin aside.

“MU QING GET BACK HERE YOU BASTARD!” Feng Xin yells to Mu Qing’s retreating back as he and Xie Lian jump up to follow their friend.

The pink ribbon disappeared as quickly as it came, unwinding itself from Xie Lian’s wrist and disappearing back in Mu Qing’s robes as soon as its master was free.

Feng Xin hesitates at the door for a moment, unsure if he wants to follow but Xie Lian rushes past him and his decision is made for him. They both get out of the door only to see a flash of light as Mu Qing ascends to the heavens. Feng Xin’s shoulders sag as he looks brokenly at the spot where Mu Qing ascended before glancing at Xie Lian only to startle as he notices Hua Cheng talking to him. 

“Were you there the entire time?!?” Feng Xin demands.

Hua Cheng glances over, disgust evident in his eye. “No I left when I saw your hug fest starting and I was waiting outside when I saw General Xuen Zhen rush out and leave again.”

“It’s okay San Lang, it’s not your fault he managed to get away, you didn’t know what was happening.” 

“Let him deal with his problems on his own Gege, he has been doing so for 800 years and hasn’t died yet somehow, he is fine.” Hua Cheng points out, turning back to his beloved.

“He might look fine at a glance at San Lang but he’s hurting inside, and I don’t think he has been dealing with his problems either, only pushing them inside until they fester like an infected wound.”

“Well then it’s his own fault for letting them get that way.”

“What about me then?”

“What do you mean Gege?”

“I ran away from my problems too, I stayed in the mortal realm so I wouldn't have to face my problems in the Heavenly Court.”

“Gege was dealing with his problems in his own way, it’s not his fault he didn’t want to interact with the gossipy Heavenly Officials.”

“No San Lang,” Xie Lian says quietly, “I was running away, trying to get away from my own problems.”

“But Gege never abandoned anyone, he never committed any crimes, Gege was just misunderstood.”

“No San Lang, I have my own crimes too and I was running away from my problems but then you came along and helped heal my scars, helped me face my old fears and I don’t think I ever would have done it without you.”

“But Gege is very strong, he could do anything he wished.”

Xie Lian laughs softly. “Why don’t we finish this conversation later? Right now we need to help Mu Qing, just I could have never healed without you, he needs help as well.”

The couple’s face had been getting closer and closer this entire conversation and as Xie Lian finishes his piece, he kisses Hua Cheng softly, as if to cement his words. Hua Cheng’s arms wrap around Xie Lian’s waist and the couple starts to make out right in front of Feng Xin much to his horror.

“STOP! STOP!” Feng Xin cries, wanting to wrench them apart but being too scared to actually do so. “DID YOU TWO JUST FORGET I WAS HERE.”

Xie Lian pulls away shyly and faces the archer, “Ah, sorry Feng Xin.”

Xie Lian quickly dismisses Feng Xin’s presence again and focuses back on his beloved. “I think it should just be me and Feng Xin, okay? We will have a better chance of getting him to talk that way.”

“Okay Gege, whatever you think is best. But if he hurts you… you won't find his remains.” Hua Cheng finishes steely. 

Xie Lian laughs again, “Okay San Lang.”

Feng Xin wishes he was literally anywhere else. Well, perhaps not the women’s bath house, he still has nightmares of that place.