Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Vinny and Jeff have known Evan for what feels like generations. They met when they were kids and have been inseparable ever since. Through school, jobs, boyfriends, girlfriends, familial breakdowns and more, they have always been a trio. Which means they know each other as well as they know themselves. Which also means, their genuine concern for Evan is even more urgent. 

They have been filming videos for their YouTube channel for a few months now, the "Slenderman" gimmick had originally been Vinny's idea and it got them a substantial following - much more than a simple workout regime would have earned them. Watching each other film their "health" videos was amusing, especially when they knew the real reason behind the videos; an in joke they weren't prepared to share with anyone else yet. Vinny noticed that Evan's patience and attention span with their plans would wax and wane though. He was the first to come up with an idea for a new video, but would get lost halfway through filming, or throw a sudden tantrum for seemingly no reason. They were all well acquainted with Evan's temper though - that was a consistent feature throughout their whole lives together.

Jeff was placid and thoughtful, often softly spoken because he would organise and categorise things in his mind so well that he radiated composure and certainty. He cared for everything and everyone, always wanting the best for himself and his loved ones. They always joked that he was the "mom" friend, but he never took offence, it was true. His ability to guide them was what had kept them alive. To figure things out, to understand and move forward. All three boys had no family support and relied on each other as their chosen family. 

Vinny floated between emotional and rational, always landing on logic and problem solving as a way of life. He liked to follow things through to completion, to keep everyone together, no matter the detriment. To watch the world go by with curious eyes and an analytic mind. Sometimes - most of the time, it got them into trouble. But what is life without a little bit of trouble?

Evan. Evan was somehow all of these things and more. He felt everything so intensely, his emotions were a never ending fire that burnt himself and the ones around him. Where he felt love, he felt hate even stronger. He wanted to understand everything, but was terrified of knowledge. He had the physical stature to severely injure anyone if he turned his hate outwards, but more often than not he directed that violence inwards. This resulted in him being just as soft and delicate as Jeff at times, but other times he scared Vinny and Jeff so much they didn't know what to do with themselves. Once Vinny divulged to Jeff he had dreams about Evan coming over to his house to kill him with a cake mixer, the bluntest object in his kitchen. Jeff pulled a pained smile and responded with, "yeah, me too, but it's with a door stop for some reason." 

They didn't actually think Evan was going to kill them, but it was intimidating to know that if Evan wanted to - he could. Especially since moving into his new career as a martial arts instructor. Where Evan was always the most physically fit of the trio, his strength was becoming more and more noticeable.

Neither Vinny nor Jeff realised the other had the same worries about Evan until one night when they were sitting in Evan's basement playing video games. Evan had lost at rock-paper-scissors and was on a mission to buy beer and pizza, yes the irony of them running a health channel and spending their Friday night playing video games and eating junk food was not lost on them.

They were half way through their round when Vinny suddenly asked Jeff, "are you worried about Evan?"

Jeff miscalculated a shot and took damage, great, now Vinny knew he heard him and was thinking about his question, can't fob it off as a casual comment…

"Uh… Yeah, but why are YOU worried about Evan?" Jeff asks, turning it back on Vinny. Now that Vinny is trying to think of an answer he tanks damage, swearing under his breath. He is silent until they finish the round and he pauses the game, leaning over to slowly sip his beer.

"He seems… Darker than normal? Does that even make sense?" Vinny muses. Jeff wants to say, what are you talking about? What does that mean? He is Evan, like he always is. But he won't say that, because he can't. He understands what Vinny is saying. 

"Yeah I think he does, like there's a cloud over him or something…" Jeff says quietly, taking a sip of his own beer. They're both probably thinking the same things right now, about how Evan has always seemed to be struggling with something. They never knew quite what, Evan doesn't even know really, they just take it as it comes. Evan has always been an avid collector of weapons, from as young as 12 he began to accumulate an impressive amount of hunting knives. Vinny knows exactly how many he has, and where he keeps them because 2 years ago he walked into Evan's room unannounced to Evan digging into his arm with a small but impressively sharp blade. Evan's constantly scarred arms and torso was more of an open secret than anything else. It was never openly vocalised, but when either received a text message from Evan while they were grocery shopping that read along the lines of, "can you please buy more antiseptic?" Or, " we are out of butterfly strips," they knew what they were dealing with.  

"Should we say something?" Vinny asked, unpausing the game and starting a new round. Jeff chewed on the idea silently, considering each alternative. Maybe it would be a good idea to open that line of communication about mental health amongst the three of them. Evan would not be happy with the fact that it was his mental health that instigated the change, but maybe he would get over it? Or the more likely option, he would be embarrassed or overwhelmed or frustrated with the fact that people were spending their emotional energy on him which he did not feel he deserved and he would actively begin to hide his well being, no matter how bad his physical or mental health could become. Yeah, it was not worth that risk, not if things were beginning to slide downhill… Where Vinny told Jeff about the time the had to take Evan to the ER to get stitches in his arm, he told Vinny about the time that Evan mentioned that sometimes he got so angry, or bored, or frustrated that violence was the easiest outlet for these strong feelings, and the liked how that made him feel. He said it with such enthusiasm it made Jeff's skin crawl a little bit.

"I think we should just watch him for now, it's not worth upsetting him and forcing him to crawl inside himself again…" Jeff decides, finishing Vinny's character off with one swift strike, ending this round. Vinny nods and they say nothing more on the topic, not for a few days anyway. 

Chapter Text

Evan slams the door behind him quickly, thankful that neither Vinny or Jeff were home yet. They have been living together now a few weeks, and it has been both good and bad. Good because they feel safer, it is easier to work together, coordinate, discuss and fill in gaps in the timeline. Vinny likes having people to bounce his ideas off of, it doesn't feel so weird for him to be filming 24/7 if it's not just his life he is filming. Jeff appreciates having other people to look after. Since Alex left, Jeff had been struggling living alone, so having constant noise and movement back in his life took a load off. It was good for Evan in some respects too, to have people to keep an eye on him, to have people to socialise with and keep him entertained when the painful boredom seeps in. But that is the exact problem he is having with living together. They're always watching him. Whether they are doing it because they can sense that something is "not quite right" with him, or because of his flimsy mental health, he isn't quite sure, but it is making it harder and harder for him to sneak home after…. It happens. 

He swiftly rips off his hoodie and t-shirt, letting them drop to the ground with a wet thud. He glances down, it's not raining outside why was he wet… Blood. He flicks on the harsh fluorescent light and is met with red, black and blue. His arm is still healing from… Whatever the fuck ripped up his arm. He has 4 other cuts on the same arm that Jeff took him to the ER for the week before and confiscated his bowie knife because of, which the monster ripped open too - his arm is a mess. His torso is covered in scars from whatever that thing does with his body when he is asleep. All of the blood he is drowning in is not his… As far as he can tell. The smell of copper hits him quickly when it registers that he is sticky with someone else's or many someones else's blood. If he had anything in his stomach he is sure he would have gagged. 

Evan takes a deep breath and drags his eyes up to the mirror, he needs to make himself presentable before the boys come home, but the idea of looking at whatever he has become makes his heart rate double. He still looks like Evan still… Sort of. His eyes are dark with eye bags, his hair has grown much longer than he normally lets it, with small curls beginning to appear. Physically, he has never been in better shape, starting the EMH channel had encouraged him to take working out seriously, that and his job as a martial arts teacher… Which he is sure he is fired from because he hasn't been to work in weeks. Wait, how are they paying bills with no money? Where do they get their money from, they haven't been to the bank? Whose house are they in? He can't remember which house they decided on… This felt like his bathroom? So, his house? But he got here through Vinny's basement didn't he, he was sure -.

Stop thinking too much, it's not your strength. The raspy voice cuts through his spiralling thoughts. Evan flinches at the volume in his head, it's just enough like his voice that he feels incredibly uncomfortable. But he knows it's him, it. 

For fucks sake, call me HABIT, you idiot I literally told you my name.

Habit. The Seven Trials of Habit. I have THAT Habit in my head. 

I'm not just IN your head, I AM your head. Now get your shit together, you really want to explain to those morons why you look like you lost 3 rounds with Pyramid Head?

Did a fucking disembodied God make a pop culture reference to me… 

Yes I fucking did, and yes that is how you look right now, clean the fuck UP.

The volume in Evan's head made him flinch so hard he stepped back too far and nearly hit the bathroom door. He steadies himself and realises he is shaking so hard he can barely stand. From fear, stress, lack of nutrition, injuries, who knows? He takes physical stock of his body. All of his muscles hurt. HABIT does not care about his physical limitations, he pushes his body to breaking point over and over again. There were no broken limbs this time, more than once he has woken up with gnarly bruises that could only be from limbs resetting… His hands are the most problematic. He pretty much always has some small bruises on his knuckles, or some split skin here or there, from work, from punching the wall one too many times, but right now both his left and right hands are purple and green, fresh wounds seeping lightly after reopening from his flexing. They will ask what he did, they will ask where the latest hole in the wall to patch or hide is, where the pieces of the mirror he smashed are, where the victim of his short temper went to hospital. 

Oh MY GOD, do you stop whinging!? Just clean YOURSELF.

Evan feels his muscles contract and tense, and move to the sink and turn on the water and roughly wash under the water, regardless of the pain the hot water on fresh cuts elicits. HABIT starts rubbing the water further up his forearms and to Evan's chest, starting the arduous process of washing off the blood. Evan needs a shower, but the main bathroom is upstairs and he can't risk walking out of here looking like a half-bloodied-half-drowned-homicidal-subway-rat and being seen. Evan tries to fight back control of his body, his face contorting into a sneer as he pushes and pulls while HABIT splashes more water on their arms and chest. 

You're so fucking annoying! You won't win against me, so either do what I fucking ask or SIT THE FUCK DOWN. 

Evan ignores him, audibly snarling as he pushes even harder to regain control over his body again, thrashing and pulling, punching and pushing. He pulls one last time, his right arm yanking hard away from the hot water. As he does so, his normally blue eyes flash an unnatural shade of purple. As purple as the stupid duct tape HABIT uses for his trials and games. It disgusts Evan, seeing physical evidence of not being alone, of being inhabited, of being owned and controlled. With whatever control he has over his body still he pulls his fist back and slams it over and over into the mirror, punching the purple-eyed reflection. By the time he is done, there is glass and blood everywhere, now a mixture of others and his own. There is no glass in his knuckles but all the wounds HABIT inflicted have begun to bleed even more. 

Well… When they ask, at least you can show them the remnants of this mirror, HABIT chuckles obnoxiously in Evan's head.

"Fuck you," he pants, gripping the vanity tightly. 

FuCk YoU, HABIT mocks him, yeah, yeah, you say the same shit every time. At least last time you had more creative insults… And the time before that you had the decency to try and kill yourself before you let me kill other people... 

Evan does not have a response to that, none of that makes no fucking sense. Nothing HABIT says ever makes sense.

It would if you were smarter, Evan can feel HABIT rolls his eyes. It is a disgusting feeling.

"I am smart, smarter than you, and the three of us will work this out," Evan hisses. HABIT makes his body laugh out loud. 

"You never have before, why would this be different?" HABIT says out loud in his raspier voice. Evan didn't even know he could make those noises… It feels like his real voice, like his natural voice, and like an imposter all at the same time. 

"Because, we have to beat you eventually," Evan says, trying to sound resolute but ends up sounding desperate. 

HABIT laughs again, "I know you think that, I know you want to believe that. I do too sort of, I am getting really fucking bored with these games Evan, winning is only fun when you have a fair competition! So far, you have always been the most fun to play with, and THIS iteration of you is definitely the most fucked up, it's fun playing around in here," HABIT snickers, giving full control of Evan's body back to him. Evan picks up the bloody clothes and wraps them in an old towel before burying them in the bottom of the bin - he will come back for them later tonight. He catches sight of a pair of old sweatpants in the corner of the room and pulls off his jeans, stuffing them in the bottom of the trash too. 

HABIT keeps talking while Evan works, "I like that I don't need to do much in here to make you think violent and fucked up things you know... Some versions of you have been so sweet they put Jeff to shame… It was disgusting, like rolling around in cotton candy, I'd end up sticky and sweet…It would take so much work to make you hit something!"  

Evan ignored him, ensuring all of the blood was off his body and hands before he touched the grey pants. He was too tired to lie, and far too tired to tell the truth if they questioned any evidence. 

But HABIT does not shut up. He rambles out loud as much as he rambles inside Evan's head… 

"But you! You already dream of dismemberment and blood, I just like to turn up the volume a little bit! You tried to kill yourself before I even entered the scene this time! Maybe all the times I've turned your brain into paste is starting to have negative effects… That might make this stuff more interesting, to see if it gets worse and worse…"

Evan can't resist the urge to snap back, "what the FUCK are you talking about?"

HABIT laughs, watching as Evan struggles to pull on his pants. HABIT feels the same amount of pain that Evan does, but he relishes in the agony. He knows that there are 2 large crowbar shaped bruises on Evan's thighs, a puncture mark on his calf and road rash along his knees. Maybe he should tell Evan that he might need to dig around for a little way to remove any excess asphalt…. Nah, he'll work it out -  when it gets infected. 

Evan grabs a larger chunk of the fractured mirror and leans it against the vanity, taking a step back to get a good look at himself. Yep, bruises, beaten, bloody and broken. But clean. Evan has inflicted a LOT of injuries upon himself in his 25 years of life, but can he write all of these off as deliberate too? Might be a stretch…

"Remember that time you got into that bar fight a few years ago where the guy was so hopped on speed you weren't able to keep up with him? You ended up with a broken nose, three broken ribs, a torn tendon in your shoulder, 4 broken knuckles and a greenstick fracture in your wrist? You looked pretty much like you do now? So...." HABIT reminisces. Evan can feel his face twisting into a sick and sadistic smile. 

Unfortunately though, he has a good point… He could just say he was having a REALLY bad day and that's where he has been for the last 18 hours… Yeah, he will have to do that. HABIT being HABIT doesn't shut up though.

"You know, I haven't been able to work it out, did you do that on purpose? Did you know he was so fucked up that he had the strength of 3 grown men? I mean, you're a tough guy Evan, hell, that's one of the reasons I keep coming back to you, you're… Unstoppable, but you have to admit, you are a little guy," HABIT taunts, but Evan can feel a real question in the mockery. He tries to not answer, to keep his mind blank, but HABIT finds exactly where to dig around for the answer and finds it.

"Oh, you did, you knew! You sick fuck, you wanted to get fucked up that night? Why? You were out with Vinny and Jeff, what made you want to do that instead of… I don't know, get so drunk they would have to carry your 5"3 ass home?" HABIT asks, surprising Evan with his genuine curiosity. 

Evan doesn't want to talk anymore, so he quickly flicks through… Memories, he thinks they're memories. He thinks they're HIS memories. 

He was bored, he was just drunk enough to not care about anything, but not so drunk he forgot that he was out at the bar because he was suicidal and the boys were trying to keep him distracted and away from weapons for the night. It was an unsafe mix. He saw a group of men by the bathroom, disappearing in and out a few times in the last hour alone. Drunk, high, drowning in testosterone and peer pressure. Perfect. Evan picked the biggest guy there, and sneered at him, "I couldn't help but notice you from across the bar, I'd like to know, how much has steroids shrunk your junk because with a build like that, you must be packing nothing, bro?" He snarked on his way to the bathroom, before slipping inside and waiting for him to be followed. 

HABIT greedily absorbs the information Evan is showing him, chuckling loudly. 

"Jesus CHRIST you're a fucking mess Evan, we are going to have such a good fucking time... I have so much planned, and I can feel the anticipation and excitement in you when you see blood Evan, you don't need to lie to me. That pesky conscience of yours can be trained and silenced, the things we can do whe-" HABIT is cut off by a sharp knock at the door and a concerned, "Evan?"

Fuck, he HABIT was talking out loud wasn't he? Jeff heard?

Yep, dickhead.

Evan grits his teeth in frustration, pushing back the urge to snap at HABIT, but Jeff is still on the other side of the door. Quickly glancing around the room for evidence of HABIT's violence; it has all been replaced with Evan's instead.

Evan takes a deep breath, and opens the door to both Jeff and Vinny. Their eyes widen instantly at the carnage. The mirror is a mess, there are specks of blood on the vanity and floor, Evan's patchwork body, in full view, his self inflicted scars a stark light colour underneath the collection of bruises. 

"Evan…" Vinny starts, but Evan can't handle this right now, he steps deftly around them and heads quickly up the stairs, taking two stairs at a time. He hears their comments on his way out, "what the fuck is he doing now…."

Yeah Evan, what the fuck ARE you doing now?  HABIT snarks. Evan snarls in response. He doesn't know… 

Chapter Text

It was Jeff who worked out first that what was going on with Evan wasn't just… Evan. It was the little things. More than once, Jeff had walked in on Evan talking to himself.

"Yes, I fucking know, will you just shut the fuck up?" He had heard Evan snap. Jeff quickly slipped into the room, watching Evan organise his bedroom, continuing to rant to himself, "you know you're an arrogant son of a bitch?" He asked. Suddenly he froze and turned directly to face Jeff.

"What you doing here Jeff?" He asked, embarrassed he had been caught talking to himself. 

Jeff stuttered out a quick excuse and then left the room.

Evan always always has a weapon on him. Even as teenagers, he would have a small pocket knife in his sock, a flat blade in the sleeve of his shirt, hell, even a miniature shuriken in his wallet. But when things got… Weird, it progressed and became more intense. 

A machete in the leg of his pants, an axe by his bed, a sawn off shotgun in the backseat of his car. Neither Jeff nor Vinny saw where Evan went to get these weapons, he never left the house without them. At least, not to their knowledge. The weapons began to accumulate seemingly out of nowhere. 

Previously, you could always sum up Evan's fashion sense as comfortable, a bit messy of a grunge look, a bit plain, practical but cool. Old ripped jeans he had owned for 6 years, graphic t-shirts accumulated over decades, same with the graphic hats, comfortable shoes, normally black and plain tank tops. Suddenly it was coloured Hawaiian shirts that Evan would not be caught dead in, old flannels that looked like they had been through the wars twice over, and… Fedoras. Enough said.

It was confirmed for Jeff a few nights ago. He walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water, around 3am. Evan had gone to bed early, complaining of a headache, and Vinny wasn't long after him. Jeff quietly snuck downstairs, he knew exactly which step creaked and where he could step. He stood in the dark kitchen, too tired to think about anything, and too tired to have heard the front door open silently and close again. The light flicked on and Jeff blinked furiously at the brightness before being met with Evan standing with his hand still on the switch, mouth open in shock. Obviously, he did not expect to see Jeff half asleep in the kitchen at 3:07am. He is wearing a stupid flannel shirt Jeff has never seen before, and the Death Proof hat which Jeff has seen more often than not in the last few weeks. He is messy, dirty and tattered. It looks like Evan's nose was bleeding and he has smeared it across his face in an attempt to wipe away the blood. He has a split lip, and blood is slightly dripping from his knuckles. Fucking hell…

"Uh…" Evan says, an unfamiliar smirk creeping across his face.

Jeff harshly slams the glass onto the counter. 

"Evan, what the FUCK?" He hisses, not wanting to wake Vinny. Evan smirks even more viciously, shaking off the shock from not expecting to see Jeff. 

He spreads his arms in mock surrender, "Jeff buddy, whatcha doing up?" He asks, his voice is deep… Did he hurt his vocal cords doing… Whatever it was that fucked up his face?

Before letting Jeff answer, Evan continues, "we didn't think you would be awake! What's up? You ok?" Evan steps into the kitchen, pulling off his flannel and overshirt, repositions his hat, then he begins to pull weapons off his person. First a pocket knife, then a knife in his shoe, then the bowie knife Jeff was SURE he had hidden in HIS room after Evan managed to cut so deep that he needed 9 stitches… Then another bowie knife… Then a small hatchet from.. His back pocket!? Evan places all of these things on the dining table, and laughs loudly at Jeff's obviously confused face.

"If the wind changes, your face will stay like that!" Evan teases in his weird deep voice.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Jeff tries again, stepping closer to Evan. Evan doesn't answer, he just looks at him, tilting his head slightly like he is trying to get a better look at Jeff's facial expressions. 

"Evan!!" Jeff snipes, frustrated with Evan's attitude.

Before Jeff even realises, Evan has snagged one of the small pocket knives off the table, flipped open the blade, grabbed the back of Jeff's head and pressed the knife to his windpipe in a few seconds. Has Evan always been that fast?

"Shut the FUCK UP or you'll wake the moron upstairs, leave Evan alone," Evan/not Evan snarls. 

Without even realising what he is about to say, Jeff grabs hold of Evan's black t-shirt and holds him as tight as Evan has him, he isn't letting him get away this time.

"Who are you? You're not Evan," Jeff pleads. He isn't sure why he asked that, what does that mean? It's Evan? But that didn't sound like Evan… It looks like him… Kind of… But not enough to be sure… 

NotEvan smiles with all teeth, and lets Jeff go, then twists Jeff's hands so quickly and viciously he has to let go of Evan's shirt too. Jeff steps back, shaking out the pain in his arms before running his hand along his neck to check for wounds. He is bleeding, NOTEVAN MADE HIM BLEED.

"Sit down," NotEvan says, gesturing to a chair with his knife. Jeff doesn't move, too afraid of Evan, of NotEvan, of everything to make his muscles cooperate again. Fuck fight or flight, Jeff got stuck with freeze. 

After a beat he tries again, "Jeff, sit down, or I will break your fucking knees so you will NEVER be able stand up again , " NotEvan snaps. It is like his voice comes from 3 different places, it was so deep and so loud Jeff wanted to check for microphones, he could have sworn that Evan's eyes flashed purple. Purple. No…

"Yes," HABIT responds, like he can read Jeff's thoughts. Jeff sits down. 

HABIT sits across from him, reorganising the weapons on the table into an orderly line, before messing them up again, and rearranging them in a different order, and moves them again, and lines them up again. On the fourth time, Jeff loses his patience.

"Are you HABIT?" He stutters, wishing he didn't sound as terrified as he was. HABIT stops fidgeting with his knives and glances up with a feral smile.

"Tada," he says, finally leaving his weapons alone.

"For how long?" Jeff wonders, days, weeks, months?

HABIT laughs, his eyes flashing purple again.

"How long do YOU think?" He asks Jeff, pointing at him.

Jeff doesn't want to answer, he knows it is a trick. Either way, HABIT will make a comment about him assuming that Evan did things that were really HABIT and therefore he thought Evan was as violent as HABIT. Or, he will say longer than he has actually been HABIT and once again he is accusing Evan of being violent and monstrous… It is a lose/lose. HABIT catches on that he can't catch Jeff in the web he was trying to weave and he cackles maniacally, sounding like 5 different people in one body. 

"You're right, he IS smart, not as easy to play with as the other one…" HABIT says to.. Someone. Jeff doesn't say anything, he just watches the scene in front of him. HABIT is looking at the wall behind him, like he can see something no one else can. Maybe he can.

"Yes, yes, I know his name you idiot, I just don't want to use it." A beat of silence. " Because it pisses you off, so I will keep doing it, dickhead," Habit snaps at… Evan. He is talking to Evan. 

"Can Evan hear me?" Jeff asks before he can catch himself.

HABIT's eye flick back to Jeff, his head tilting slightly. 

"That is the QUICKEST you have ever worked that out Jeffy boy… Where Evan gets more violent… More feral… You get smarter… Vinny gets… Worse…" HABIT says, to himself, to Jeff, to Evan. All three. 

Jeff's head is reeling. He is still half asleep, he is also still sleep deprived, he is too tired for HABIT's stupid riddles, and he still has no idea why they were out at 3am. 

"What were you doing with Evan, where were you?" He asks. 

HABIT leans back in his chair and links his hands behind his head, smirking at Jeff. As he smiles again, a small trickle of blood leaks from Evan's nose but HABIT doesn't seem to notice - or care. 

"Just hangin' out, quality bro time with Ev here. Chilling, killing," he says obnoxiously. Jeff doesn't even want to ask whether he is being sarcastic or serious about the killing.. Judging by Evan's physical state though he guesses they at least got into a fight…And knowing Evan he probably won too. 

"Why are you here?!" Jeff asks, his anger and frustration seeping into his voice. The tall man and his fucking rabid dog are already after them, they don't need ANOTHER monster in their life! HABIT seems to love Jeff's irritation. He grabs the small hatchet off the table and begins to spin it wildly, nearly hitting himself, the table, the wall behind him and the chair in the process. 

"Becaaauusee Jeff," he drawls, "Evan asked me to be here." 

Jeff stares back in disbelief. That has to be a trick, a lie. Evan would never. If he did, it was an accident. Evan would never allow himself to be… Possessed, or owned, or fuck, he doesn't know how this shit works, by HABIT. Unless…

"I can see you thinking there Jeff, and while you are the smartest one, the one trying to figure this shit out, don't blow a blood vessel trying to sort through it all, you never will be able to. Because I am smarter than you," HABIT says, still swinging around the hatchet unsafely. 

That makes Jeff scoff involuntarily, and HABIT stops swinging the weapon.

He points it directly at Jeff, standing up and leaning over the table so they are nearly face to face, Jeff can feel the cold metal of the hatchet under his chin, he does not dare to move.

"You think you're smarter than me hey?" HABIT whispers harshly, forcing Jeff to meet his eyes by pushing up his chin. Jeff doesn't say anything. HABIT stares at him for a little while longer, his eyes slowly flashing between Evan's green and HABIT's purple before HABIT breaks out into a feral smile again.

"Oh Jeff, I like your style ."

HABIT doesn't say anything more, he collects his weapons, his shitty clothes and begins to leave.

"Evan!" Jeff tries one more time, HABIT freezes in the doorway. Neither of them move for what feels like eternity but in reality was only a few seconds, before HABIT turns to face Jeff. Except it wasn't HABIT, it was Evan. He is terrified, he is hyperventilating, tears are pooling in his eyes, his jaw is tight with pain or anger, Jeff isn't sure.

"He is making me," Evan manages to grunt out through clenched teeth before HABIT takes back control and a mean smile replaces Evan's expression of anguish. 

"Good night Jeff, " is the last thing he remembers hearing from all directions before he blacks out. 

Jeff wakes up at 9am the next day, in bed. Getting up slowly, he sorts through his thoughts. Did that actually happen, or was that some wild stress induced dream? How did he end up in bed if it wasn't a dream? There's no way in HELL that HABIT would carry him or teleport him to bed? No, so it must have been a dream?

Jeff makes his way downstairs, rubbing his eyes. Evan and Vinny are in the kitchen in their PJs. Evan is dressed like Evan, black sweatpants and a black tank top, no hideous over-shirt or tacky hats. His hands are bruised and scabbed, but that's not a good indication of anything… They always are. His eyes do look a little dark… But he also hasn't had a good night sleep in months so that could be just sleep deprivation… The horrible bruises and cuts that Evan inflicted upon himself a few weeks ago are nearly gone too. Hmm, maybe it was just a horrible dream?

Jeff pours himself a cup of coffee from the pot and sits down at the table too. Vinny is eating his breakfast, clicking through the news on his phone, Evan is sitting clenching a cup of coffee to his chest, like he is trying to warm himself up. They might need to address his lack of appetite soon… If Jeff's math is correct, he hasn't had a full meal in 3 days… 

"How'd you sleep Jeff?" Vinny asks around a mouthful of cereal. Jeff nods and quietly responds with, "good, you?"

Vinny takes another bite of his cereal, "yeah, not bad. Passed out pretty early, and slept deep. It was nice, I feel rested for the first time in months," he says, standing up and dumping his bowl in the sink. 

"I am going to take the first shower guys, if that's ok," Vinny says, heading to the main bathroom. Jeff nods, even though Vin has left the room. He risks a glance at Evan, who is staring intently at him. Is that an Evan stare or a HABIT stare? He isn't sure, and it scares him that he cannot tell…

"How did you sleep Evan?" Jeff asks pointedly, hoping for a mundane answer to officially confirm that he just had a really elaborate and vivid dream. 

Evan smirks, and his eyes flash briefly, "Oh Jeff, I don't sleep."

Chapter Text

Evan knows that Jeff spoke to HABIT. He can't quite remember when or where, it is like trying to watch TV through dirty water with earplugs in. There are shapes and colours, that is about it. But, Jeff hasn't said much to him in 2 weeks. He keeps looking at him, like he has something to say, but never does. Vinny has noticed a shift in the dynamics, he hasn't said anything about it. In typical Vinny style, he takes it in stride and just keeps trucking on. 

Sometimes HABIT doesn't appear for days. It is silent in Evan's mind and in the world. The tall man doesn't visit, the fucking hairless animal isn't skulking around outside and scratching on the windows. Days like that make Evan feel like he made the whole thing up. Maybe 5 years ago he finally lost his mind. The mixture of trauma, mental illness, drugs, alcohol and violence finally caught up with him and he has been in a psychotic state ever since. Jeff and Vinny are humouring him, or they're his carers, or they don't exist either.

Those days are the worst in Evan's opinion. The quiet days where there is nothing but monotony and boredom. Boredom was always a painful thing for him, he did everything possible to avoid it. If you asked anyone about Evan they would say he was loud, energetic, and constantly moving. He is always doing something, anything, to avoid the feeling of boredom. Sometimes it was productive - drawing, writing, sports, playing video games, annoying his friends and family.

Sometimes it was not productive - mindless violence, hurting himself whether it be playing with his knives or spending too long punching the bag without proper knuckle wraps, flirting with anything and anyone to see if he can get them to pay attention to him, or to maybe piss off the right boyfriend to get the shit kicked out of him. Or, like recently, maybe it's sitting alone in his room waiting for HABIT. 

He didn't WANT to be taken over, he didn't like his body being used to commit horrific acts of violence and carnage, but at least when HABIT was here something was happening. 

Sitting alone in his room, with a knife in his lap, and his fiddling with his Death Proof hat is how Jeff found him. Evan hadn't spoken a word in 3 days, and it was driving Jeff insane.

"Evan, what are you doing?" Jeff asks, not even bothering to knock before walking into Evan's room. It was a mess, clothes, weapons and books were everywhere. His wall had many posters covering the holes he had punched over the last 3 years. His mirror had a crack in it from a few days ago where HABIT tried to antagonise Evan. The curtains had been drawn for days now. The idea of "outside" was too much.

Evan didn't answer, he continued flipping his small ka-bar knife, hoping like every other day Jeff would give up and leave him to his sorrow. Jeff doesn't give up. He slips into Evan's room and closes the door. He thinks Vinny is still in the dark about what is going on, what Jeff doesn't know is Vinny has installed cameras in all of the rooms of their house. HABIT told Evan after inhabiting his body during a meltdown, he was ripping open the cuts the Rake had inflicted because he didn't want any questions asked about new injuries. HABIT warned him that Vinny was watching, and HE didn't care what Vinny saw, but giving Vinny leverage was probably not wise at the moment. 

Evan doesn't warn Jeff though, Jeff can keep pretending like he knows a secret if he wants. Evan will play along, until HABIT gets bored. 

"What the fuck is going on Evan?" Jeff asks, sitting on the bed next to him. They sit there for a while, Evan flipping his knife, Jeff playing with Evan's hat. Jeff is waiting for Evan, Evan is waiting for HABIT. It is a stalemate neither of them will win. Evan sighs.

"You spoke to HIM, didn't you?" Evan asks, knowing it was a redundant question, but he needed to hear Jeff admit it.

Jeff freezes. Should he say, "who?" or just admit it. Does Evan know he is being taken over by HABIT? Maybe it is HABIT right now?

Like he was reading Jeff's mind, Evan assures him, "it's me right now, I promise… He isn't here…" Evan spits, flipping his blade angrily.

Evan is upset, he is upset HABIT isn't here… Jeff tucks that thought away for later.

"Yeah, I spoke to him," Jeff replies.

"Fuck…"

Jeff nods, tossing Evan's hat on the floor and leaning back on the bed, "yeah, fuck…"

"What do you know about him?" Jeff asks, hoping maybe Evan could provide some insight. Jeff has been trying to work it out for weeks now, is HABIT here because of the tall man? Because of the feral animal? Are they here because of HIM? Is it all a coincidence? Some cosmic joke the trio has not been let in on yet?

Evan just shrugs. This pisses off Jeff, the man lives in Evan's head for fucks sake, surely he knows SOMETHING? Jeff takes a calming breath, and tries again.

"Well, what does it feel like when he is here? Can you see? Can you talk?" Jeff tries, wondering how much of Evan's moodiness and temper is Evan, and how much is HABIT. 

Evan sighs, "I am not sure Jeff, it's like I am there, but not really… It's a bad dream…" Evan mutters. Jeff is mad, he is furious, this 'woe is me' attitude Evan has is really fucking pissing him off. NOW he decides to back down and be passive?!

"What do you mean you're not sure Evan? He is INSIDE your head?! He must talk to you? Or meld with you? SOMETHING? When did it start Evan?!" Jeff snaps, tossing the hat behind him on the bed. Evan grits his teeth at Jeff throwing one of his favourite hats, but doesn't say anything. He doesn't want to prove HABIT right. He doesn't want to be the violent one, he doesn't want to be the overly emotional one, the angry one, the loose cannon that no one can trust. 

Taking ragged breath in, Evan says between clenched teeth, "I am not sure, because he is a fucking demonic God thing, and I am not. It started a while ago Jeff, I am not sure." Evan answers, glaring at Jeff. 

Evan's frankly scary death glare doesn't halt Jeff however, he is on a roll, his pent up frustrations from the last two weeks has become too much. 

"He told me you let him in? Did you Evan? Did you let him in? Did you ask for him!? Give him permission? Give a murderous animal your body!? Huh!?" He snaps. 

Evan's paper thin patience is torn. Oh well, he tried. 

Evan stands up, tossing his knife into the wall, the force resulting in it being buried to the hilt in the soft drywall. ANOTHER hole… Jeff's mind supplied unhelpfully. 

"You think I want this Jeff?! Yeah? You think I like this? I like waking up and having no idea where I am and how I got there? Waking up covered in other people's blood? My own blood? The taste of a stranger's flesh in my teeth? Constantly healing broken bones because he breaks them for fun when he is bored?!" Evan spits at Jeff, yelling louder than Jeff has heard in months. Jeff opens his mouth to say something, but Evan continues.

"Oh yeah, it is SO much fun having nightmares, visions, I don't fucking know what, about killing my best friends. I love having thoughts about raping and killing women. It is so great to have a voice in my head that isn't mine! What about the confusion of missing the voice when it is gone? I'm sure you think that's great fun too, HUH JEFF? " Evan finishes, getting into Jeff's personal space and pushing his shoulder roughly. Jeff knows he should stay on the bed, he shouldn't antagonise Evan further, but fuck he is so sick of this shit. Of all of this shit.

"Well how am I supposed to know Evan?! You don't talk to us anymore!" He shouts back, standing up to his full height. Though he is significantly taller than Evan, Evan's anger has such an aura that it adds no advantage. 

Evan tilts his head in defiance, looking up at Jeff with such hatred Jeff wonders whether it is Evan or HABIT. But when Evan yells next, it is still his voice. Jeff isn't sure if that makes it better or worse…

"Yeah, you want me to talk to you Jeff? What the fuck do you want me to say? Want the fucking truth? Do you want to know what is going on in here?!" Evan shouts, punctuating by roughly pointing at his temple. Jeff has no words, he just nods. He knows this is going to be a lot.

Evan throws his arms up in frustration, and begins to pace, Jeff sits back down on the bed, watching Evan go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.

"I remember everything, every fucking thing. Every life I take, every bone he breaks, every organ he rips out of someone. Every girl he has made scream and cry, every man he has made swear and spit. I know what the sound of someone choking on their own blood sounds like, how long it takes to choke someone to death with bare hands, my bare hands. Have you ever killed a baby Jeff?" He stops suddenly and spins towards Jeff, leaning forward and putting his hands on the bed, leaning over Jeff as he leans back, intimidated by such a horrible question.

Evan is actually waiting for Jeff's answer. "Uh… No." Jeff says quietly.

Evan smirks a vicious smile, one of spite and derision. 

"I have," he says, choking out a horrible laugh. Jeff has nothing to say, so Evan continues.

"Multiple actually, twins, in front of their parents. I can't remember why… But I just know I have. Then I killed the parents," Evan explains, and begins to pace again. 

"What else do you want to know Jeff? That I have tried to stop him?" Evan asks, Jeff knows he should say something, but he can't.

"I tried, I fucking tried. I went to find that THING in the forest, that scuttly little fuck, and I went to kill it. I went for it to kill me. I tore it's goddamn head off!" Evan yells, simulating ripping off a head from a body.

"Do you know what? It didn't die. It ripped me apart with its teeth!" Evan spat.

"Evan… What are you saying?" Jeff said softly, standing up to stand in the way of Evan's pacing. He stops suddenly and looks up at Jeff with tears in his eyes.

"I died Jeff, I finally fucking died… He bought me back. Every. Single. Time. He brings me back…" Evan says quietly, his voice cracking. They stand there like that for a while, Evan with silent tears streaming down his face, Jeff watching. Thoughtful, processing everything Evan has said, until one thing doesn't feel right.

"Wait, every time?" He asks.

Evan chuckles darkly, "yeah, I was wondering if you were going to catch that…"

Evan moves to the wall with his knife dug in, and pulls it roughly from the wall, making an even bigger hole. He throws himself on the bed and starts playing with it again. Jeff sits next to him, like when he first entered the room and plays with Evan's hat again. Waiting.

"You know, I have tried to kill myself 7 times?" Evan asks.

Jeff shrugs and nods, he didn't know how many times, that's a huge number of times, but he knew it was more than once or twice… Because he has had to call 911 twice. Maybe Vinny knows about a few times Jeff doesn't.

"I succeeded 3 times."

Jeff's breath hitches and he chokes. He coughs a few times and clears his throat, "what?"

Evan nods, pulling up his sleeves. Jeff knows what is under there, but it is still intimidating to see. There are more than 3 obvious attempts, all blending into a gnarly scar. Evan has never been particularly ashamed, so he has seen it almost daily, but now….

"Yeah, and only two of those were after HABIT…"

Jeff puts everything together quickly, "when?" He asks. He knows he should be caring, empathetic, soft, but this is too important. 

"About 3 months ago…" 

"He saved you." Jeff says, he isn't asking.

Evan nods.

"That's when he first appeared."

Evan nods again.

"That's why he says you invited him in." 

Evan shrugs, and then nods.

"Fuck Evan…"

Evan doesn't say anything, they just sit in silence staring at the wall.

"Don't… Don't tell Vinny… I don't know how he would take it…" Jeff says quietly after about 30 minutes.

Evan coughs awkwardly, there is no better time than now…

"I am sure he already knows," Evan says.

Jeff looks at him, confused, "why?" 

Evan huffs and stands up, moving towards a wall of his room. What Evan doesn't know is Vinny is staring intently at his computer screen. The audio is pretty good on these little cameras all things considered… Evan moves towards the camera directly, and Vinny's heart begins to speed up. He is going to see it.

Evan climbs on the top of his chest of drawers, and begins to pull at the vent in the corner of his room. Jeff is watching, confused. Vinny is watching, freaking out. 

Vinny turns up the volume on the feed, he briefly missed what they were saying before.

"Because, Vinny has been watching this whole time. Hi Vinny!" Evan picks up the small camera and tosses it to the floor. After some shuffling, Jeff's angry face appears on Vinny's screen. 

"Are you fucking kidding me Vin?!" Jeff's distorted yelling comes through Vinny's screen.

Fuck…

Chapter Text

Evan has been hyperventilating for over 20 minutes, he knows that is why he is lightheaded and dizzy, but he cannot help the new wave of panic, and inevitably rage, that washes over him and the feeling of weakness he is essentially inflicting upon himself. Nothing caused this sensation of fear, his fight or flight system just kicked in for no reason. The feeling of nothingness that has been happening this Christmas upsets him more than the chaos of the weeks before. Finding the secret cameras was a trip, since Evan had been complaining for weeks that he was dealing with the sensation of being watched. Jeff sympathised but didn't entertain the idea that they were being watched, and Vinny quickly chalked it up to Evan's underlying paranoia that weaves itself through his damaged psyche. It was validating, and fucking infuriating, to be proven right. They were being watched. They weren't entirely sure by who, but Evan had a pretty good idea. HABIT. Why he was using cameras instead of regular ol' freaky stalking was beyond Evan, but there was no other explanation. After collecting all of the cameras, they haven't spoken about it since. Evan's paranoia is still at an all-time-high, but that… Might be just Evan. 

Evan stands up quickly and tosses open the curtain, his eyes searching in the darkness for the skittish little monster that seems to be hunting him. Evan constantly sees it in the corner of his vision, behind Jeff and Vinny while they explore the forest, when they are driving throughout town and to the outskirts. He has been seeing it significantly more than the Tall Man. Vinny mentions seeing the Tall Man every once in a while, Jeff - still wrapped up in his grief of Jess and his loneliness after Alex left - barely pays enough attention but has felt some of the effects of the Tall Man. But it seems to leave Evan alone, sending its rabid dog and demonic master after him instead. 

He is dying for a fight, for some sensation of control, pain, anger, power, he doesn't care about the result of the fight, he just wants to fucking punch something. The only time he DOES want the Rake to come for him, and it's nowhere to be seen. Like it knows Evan is struggling, and wants to make it worse. He almost wishes HABIT would… No, he isn't that far gone. Yet. He is getting a sick thrill out of not telling Jeff and Vinny that he knows what is going on, that he is being taken over by HABIT, that HABIT jumps in and out of his consciousness like it is a game, mid-sentence, mid-video, mid-hangout with his friends. It is his own private battle, that it is clear he is losing but he cannot find it in himself to ask for help… Whether it is because he doesn't want his friends involved to protect them or to protect himself, he isn't't sure, but all he knows he is so fucking alone. Times like right now, when he is crawling out of his fucking skin, are not ideal to be alone.

He looks down at his arms, they're just an accumulation of scars and wounds right now, some self inflicted, some not. The latest injuries are from the Rake, they were so deep they're still visibly healing weeks later, that's how long Evan has been alone with it, HABIT and the Tall Man. It has just been him, his crumbling psyche and a body that betrays him at every turn. His heart rate begins to speed up again , his fight-flight response kicking in unnecessarily again. Inevitably his body choses fight, like always. Evan starts picking at the stitches holding his left arm together, if it wont come for him, and he shouldn't create new injuries for his body to contend with, he may as well agitate when he already has. Evan leans against the cold window, facing away from the consuming dark and unties one of the meticulously done stitches that Jeff is getting surprisingly adept at. Evan is a good pin cushion for practice anyway. The stitch slides out and moves onto the next one, the wound is old enough that it isn't opening or bleeding immediately, which frustrates him. It isn't hurting enough to calm him the fuck down. Evan snarls in frustration, roughly pulling out a few more stitches, his lips curling when he is pulling at the slowly healing wound and finally theres a throb of pain. Then his mind registers the sensation of being invaded. It is like cotton wool is being shoved into his eyes and ears, his thoughts become more sharp and loud and the background static of his feelings and conscience fade away. It still unsettles him, but right now he welcomes it, his heart rate steadies to a slow rhythm and he stops shaking. Evan still reaches to pull at another section of his healing arm and he feels HABIT take control, pulling his hand down.

Stop it you moron, HABIT snaps, gaining control of all of Evan. Evan fights to regain control, this is the fight he wanted. He snarls, he bares his teeth, he yells and screams, but nothing happens externally, HABIT has full control of his body, he is fighting inside for this. 

"I thought you didn't care if I hurt myself," Evan manages to hiss, confused about why HABIT is worrying about his well being now, considering how HABIT was able to take him in the first place…

Evan hears a sharp laugh coming from his mouth, before HABIT moves them to the bed, facing the window again. Evan decides to stop fighting and sinks back into the darkness of his consciousness, allowing the sensation of violence and sadism to blur the edges of his panicked subconscious. It is soothing, to not feel anything, considering how strongly he feels everything, HABIT's apathy is a welcomed reprieve at times like this. 

HABIT begins to fiddle with one of the pocket knives Evan haphazardly threw onto the bed, opening and closing it with an annoying click click over and over. 

"Don't get me wrong Evan, I don't give a fuck about you or your wellbeing, if I had it my way I would sit and watch you destroy yourself over and over again, healing you up just enough that you had enough strength to start again, but I cannot allow you to do that right now," HABIT says with a malicious smile. Evan frowns, that doesn't answer anything. 

HABIT senses Evan's frustration and shortening temper, "let's just say we aren't alone right now," HABIT mutters as an explanation before standing up and loudly dragging a chair into the corner of the room. Evan allows this to happen, watching his body like he is above it. HABIT climbs up and starts to dig his finger into the metal grate of the central air, ignoring the fact that it has sliced deeply into the skin and blood is flowing freely down his hand and arm. Evan tunes into his body just enough to be able to feel the physical sensation of pain but doesn't say anything. Once he is done rummaging HABIT pulls out a tiny pinhole camera, crushing it into dust.

"Vinny." 

Evan's mind reels, he knew it, he knew there was more, HABIT wouldn't need flimsy fucking cameras to stalk them, he is far too powerful for that.

"THAT is true," HABIT smirks, climbing down and tossing the destroyed camera into the corner of the room. 

"We cannot have Vinny watching you 24/7 because you're a suicide risk can we? They don't know what we know. That you cannot die, no matter how hard you try," HABIT singsongs, "that's why I won't let you fuck yourself up, at least not while our buddy Vin is watching us."

Evan lets his mind and body go slack, he cannot fight HABIT right now. He doesn't want to. 

Let's have some fun shall we? Evan hears in his mind, coming from all angles, deep and reverberating through his body. Evan nods. 

Vinny sits watching the video feed confused. He was ready to step in, ready to create a ruse to go and see Evan and drag him out of his room. It was looking touch and go there for a while, they never stop Evan from hurting himself or from hurting other people. He will always find a way and it is not worth the argument, but Vinny was cringing and feeling ill watching Evan pull out his stitches one by one, barely flinching at something that should have really hurt. When he turned his attention to pulling at the irritated cuts Vinny decided he didn't have the stomach to let Evan do THAT but then it is like he changed his mind. His body froze and then relaxed, and Vinny let out a breath of relief. The relief was short lived when the video feed cut out instantly, the connection failed notification tormenting him. He won't be able to go in and reconnect the feed until he is certain Evan will be out for a while, and Evan has barely left the house in weeks, fuck. Maybe when Evan is showering next he can sneak in and put one in another corner, they're easier to install than run trouble shooting on, and he has a few spares...