Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bill sighed. He lied down and looked around the room once more, bored. When will that damn lizard let me out of this place? The triangle thought to himself. Scribbles of blue, red, and yellow triangles surrounded him. This cell is even worse than hell. I miss it there. He was pulled out of thought as a giant pink axolotl appeared in the center of the room.

“What do you want? More torturous therapy sessions? Ugh. How long have I been in this fucking place again?” Bill annoyingly asked. The axolotl simply stared at him.

“Of course there’s more therapy, Bill.” The divine amphibian told him. “You are quite ill. But you have been here for quite a long time. And yet you still think of crime.”

Bill groaned. “Ax, you and I both know that I fucking HATE IT HERE! FEELINGS ARE OVERRATED! They’re just DISTRACTIONS!” He yelled.

The axolotl didn’t flinch or react.
“Bill, I understand that you’re not feeling shapely, but therapy will help you greatly!” Said the divine creature. The pink entity sighed. “Bill, I think that it’s time we take a new approach. Maybe train with a different coach”

Bill’s eye lit up at that. Literally. His eye glowed yellow. “Really? I guess my powers of persuasion have returned!” He said in his familiar cocky voice.

“Let us bring in an aspect of your old life. Let’s make a deal to end your strife.” Said the Axolotl.

Bill ‘smiled.’ Well, as much as a triangle without a mouth can. “What’s the deal?” Bill asked, highly interested.

“Well, you shall be sent to Earth but-“

“DEAL!” The triangle interrupted the amphibian with a handshake surrounded by blue fire.

“But you will be powerless and in a human body made by me in the dimension fourth.” Ax finished. Bill was shocked. I’m too rusty in the deal making business… he thought.

“The deal’s OFF Frills!” He yelled. Bill’s body burned. The sensation of flames traveled throughout his triangular body. It was agony. Am I dying again? I mean, it’s better than the torture of the Theraprism or the humiliation of human body. He thought. Then he blacked out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill’s eyes opened. W-wait… Eyes? He tried to lift his fingers, but it hurt just to blink. He tried again. He accomplished moving an inch at least. At least I’m getting somewhere… Bill slowly gathered the power and energy to stand up. Every muscle in his body ached like crazy. It was like his own flesh wanted to climb off of him. I have flesh? Bill didn’t really care for the moment. He was wearing his theraprism jumpsuit. He staggered through a familiar looking forest. A herd of deer appeared. They looked at him with eyes full of anger. Suddenly, they all started stampeding on top of him. He felt a sharp pain in his right eye. He put his hand to it. When he felt it, blood was gushing out. The feeling was foreign to him. Human pain was supposed to be hilarious! But this… this made a clear salty substance leak from his eyes. Eye, now. A strange sound emerged from him. It was sobs. A sound that hasn’t been made from him in so many millennia. He mindlessly wandered, holding where his right eye used to be. Maybe I’ve took out the teeth of too many deer. He grimly thought. He ended up at a familiar door. He knocked.

“H-Hewwo?” He asked in a shaky voice. Bill looked in confusion.

My voice never had a lisp like that… My voice is powerful and chaotic! What is this? He looked up, realizing that he’s only slightly taller than his triangle form. Am I a child?!? He questioned. He knocked again. Nobody came to the door. He pounded the door harder and more urgently. Still no one came. He clawed and yelled, but it was useless. It was like that until Bill fell asleep. Two hours after Bill gave up and fell asleep, a car pulled up. Two old men, two teenagers, and a pig came out of the car. The sweater-wearing girl ran straight to the kid.

“Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford! There’s a baby on the porch!” She yelled.

The boy with a brown trapper hat rushed to his sister’s side and pulled her back a bit.

“They look like they’re bleeding from their right eye…” he said.

The older man in a red turtleneck and a tan coat stepped up to the body on his porch.

“Age looks to be around five or six. Strange…” The other older man picked the child up.

“Hey brainiacs, this is still a child, not an experiment. We should take it inside! You pack of animals.” He said as he messed with Dipper and Mable’s hair.

They went inside and put the kid in the recliner with a blanket and they set up the table to eat.

Chapter Text

The Pines quickly ate dinner, which was pancakes because Stanley wanted to treat them. (Also because they’re one of the only kid friendly foods he knew how to make.) They had the Mystery Shack for a whole summer! Soos, Melody, and Abuelita were visiting a nice hospital because Soos broke his neck while on the roof and Melody is expecting a baby really soon. So they all went on a family roadtrip to a neighborhood where the best hospital in the state was. Mabel finished dinner first and ran to the sleeping kid. She was just so fascinated by them. Dipper finished next and rushed after his sister (again). He caught her about to poke the small child.

“Mabel… You don’t know if that kid has rabies or something! What if they wake up?” He warned her. 

“That probably won’t happen, Dipper. You know that. You just don’t want to take care of this ADORABLE LITTLE BABY!” Mabel said, squishing Bill’s cheeks together.

“Okay. That’s enough, you two.” Stan interrupted and moved the two teenagers away from each other.

“Yes… You have no idea on if it’s a shapeshifter, a skin walker, or some other strange cryptid.” Ford suggested as he appeared behind Stan and the kids. 

“How do you keep doing that?” Stan asked. Ford just shrugged his shoulders.

“Science, Stanley. Science.” He answered. Soon, one by one the people in the house went to bed, until just two heads were left in the living room. Mabel and Bill’s. The girl sat there watching the unconscious child until her eyelids began to droop. 

“Who… Are you..?” She sleepily asked before a gravelly voice startled her from behind.

“You going to bed, Pumpkin?” It said. Mabel gently pulled her hand out of the kid’s hand and softly said, 

“Yes, Grunkle Stan.” The old man walked the tired girl up the stairs and led her to bed.

“Goodnight, you knuckleheads.” He said before closing the door. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was three A.M. There were no sounds. Two eyes blinked open to find that one of them was missing and covered with dry blood. He winced at the pain in his eye and body. B-Body? The being thought. As in flesh and blood body? It covered its eye socket and looked around at the house he was in. Wait… This was Sixer’s and Fez’s house… He thought. How is this still standing? I thought that I was gone for at least a millennia! Every muscle was in pain. He was barely conscious, so that dulled the feeling. AGH! He thought again. Why the hell does it hurt so bad? Do I have… The small body shivered, causing the body to ache even more. Feelings? He shuddered once more, now that he thought the thought. His urge to scream in pain was almost unbearable, but he didn’t want to look weak. Or vulnerable. Or any other stupid feeling. He tried to get up, but instead tripped over his new human feet and fell face first into the floor. He yelped in pain and the salty substance came back to the corners of his… Eye… He started sobbing. The child curled up in a fetal position on the floor and just cried there. He didn’t know how much time had passed, he just bawled. It hurts so fucking bad… Why won’t I die? The axolotl just won’t kill me… Why? His thoughts were interrupted by a feminine face. Her eyes were filled with concern and tears.

“Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford! Dipwad! Wake UP! The kid’s on the floor and BLEEDING! HELP ME CARRY THEM!” She cried out. Her family rushed over and lifted Bill. 

“Are you okay?!?” She frantically asked.

Two eyelids blinked open to reveal a lost eye. The other eye was golden and the pupil was slightly slit, like a cat’s.

“I-It huwts s-s-so b-bad…” The child gasped between the sobs. Blood started to leak out of the socket with the missing eye. The kid covered it. Ford’s eyes widened as he processed the lost eye. His eyes darted all over the baby and found several deep scratches and hoof prints on them. 

“We need to get this kid to the hospital! Or my lab. It has medical supplies inside and it’s cheaper than a hospital.” He said. As soon as Stan heard the word ‘cheaper,’ he was a bit more eager to help get the kid into the basement. They put Bill onto the middle of a table. Ford pulled a whole crate of medical supplies out of some kind of sterilizer and put some rubber gloves on. 
“Relax, kid. This might poke before you fall asleep.” The old man said. Bill’s eye widened as he saw a syringe. Before he could kick and scream, the needle was shoved into his shoulder. Bill was lulled into a deep sleep. His last thoughts before he blacked out, were Why is this happening to me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While the child was being fixed up, Mabel and Dipper were told to go upstairs. Grudgingly, they went. (Stan had to carry them up.) The door closed and Mabel sat down while Dipper tried to listen through the door.

”Where do you think the kid came from? What do you think they went through? Do you think that they-“ Mabel asked, only to be shushed by her brother.

”Mabel, be quiet. That thing is in our basement and we’re not watching it. What if it attacks? What if it’s the shapeshifter like Grunkle Ford said?” Dipper frantically ranted to his sister as he slowly moved away from the door and started pacing while chewing on a pen from under his hat. “Ugh. I wish I had my phone so that I could text her my theories…” He trailed off as he saw Mabel move closer.

”Who’re you talkin’ bout?” Mabel said. Dipper turned red.

”N-nothing! No one! Ahaha, look at the time!” He said, looking at his blank wrist. “I’m gonna go upstairs and do… Nothing!” He ran upstairs to do ‘nothing.’ Mabel sat there doing… Something. For a bit. She swayed her legs, looked at the stuff surrounding her for the billionth time, and hummed to herself. She started to get impatient. How long has it been? When is the baby gonna be patched up? She thought as she blew a strand of hair from her face. The clock ticked. The bored girl looked at it. It’s been three hours?!?! She shouted in her head. She groaned. This is going to take a lot of my energy, so I gotta get to bed. She curled up on the floor and slept. As this was happening with Mabel, her twin was quickly dialing a number on the landline upstairs. He nervously looked around. The line picked up. 
“Hello? Who is this? And why are you calling me at six AM?” Said a woman’s voice on the other line. Dipper let out a sigh of relief.

”Hey, Paz. How’s it been?” He asked.

”… Is that you, babe?” Asked the woman.

”Obviously. Who else would it be? Do you have a secret other boyfriend that you’ve been seeing while I was in California?” The boy asked, theorizing worriedly. A laugh was heard on the phone.

”I’d know that nerdy voice anywhere. And no. I’m not seeing anyone else, dork. Another thing, why are you awake?” The voice said. Dipper had been drinking energy drinks to stay awake.

”I’m not answering that last question. Prove that you aren’t an impersonator! If Mabel found out about us and forced us to get married, because she would, what did we agree our names would be?” Dipper said, half joke flirting and half actually concerned. The voice sighed.

”Pacifica and Mason Northwest-Pines. Now is there a reason you called me?” The blond on the other end answered. Dipper blushed and chuckled. He sat down. 

“Well, I have news! I’m back in Gravity Falls!” He cried. A sarcastic gasp was heard.

”I totally didn’t see you inside your Grunkle’s tacky van!” She said. Dipper pouted at the phone even though he knew that she couldn’t see him.

”I have some other news too.” He said. “But, I wanna tell you in person. Are you able to meet me at the diner right now?” He asked. 

”I’m about to start my shift and usually nobody’s awake at this time, so sure.” Pacifica said.

”I’ll meet you there.” He hesitated, then stuttered out “L-love you.” The blonde on the other end laughed. 

“I can’t believe that it took you this long to say this! We’ve been dating for two years. Anyways, love you too, dork. See you soon.” She hung up. Dipper sat there, feeling warm and elated. A goofy smile spread on his face. Is this how Mabel feels so often? He  thought. Without his worried characteristic, he ran downstairs and woke his sleeping sister up. 
“Mabes, wake up!” He said, excitedly.

”What time is it..?” She groggily asked. She was jolted awake as she realized how happy and carefree her usually anxious brother looked. “Woah… How many energy drinks did you have? Is Smile Dip contaminating them?” She asked, concerned.

”Do you know how it feels to be in love?” He thoughtlessly asked with a distant loopy grin on his face. Mabel had seen this expression before. On a very similar face, too. Her own. An idea formed in her head. 
“Why?” She coaxed.

”Oh, no reason. I just never had felt anything like this before! I might be sick!” He half lied. Mabel looked at him skeptically.

”As I had experienced when I finally got a healthy relationship with my first girlfriend, having a crush / obsession is not the same as loving somebody. A crush is a strong feeling of wanting to be close with them and being scared for your life if they don’t like you back. Loving somebody is actually feeling safe with them. Like you can finally let your guard down and relax. You still get scared for if they don’t like you, but it happens less often.” Mabel said. Dipper nodded in acknowledgment, but still not completely understanding it. 

“I feel like the weight of the sky has been lifted from my shoulders because she’s there to help me.”

”Uh huh…” Mabel hummed, focusing on the fact that Dipper said ‘she.’ “I’m now wondering about this person’s personality…” The girl pried. Dipper let out an out-of-character giggle.

“Wow... I can't even begin to describe her! She’s kind, determined, intelligent, and a badass all in general. Why are there so many qualities, but not a single one define what she is truly. Weird how having a girlfriend for two years do that to you…” Dipper, who was lost in thought, realized what information he just told Mabel. His sister’s head was facing down, making it hard to see her face. 

“You’ve had a girlfriend for two years, and you didn’t think to tell me?” She asked in an ominous tone. Dipper gulped.

”M-Mabel, s-sis… L-listen to me here..!” He squeaked as the girl in front of him stretched her arm out to slap him. She instead pulled him into a side hug. Dipper was grateful that she wasn’t killing him, but he remembered halfway through the hug that he was going to be late to his date.

”Y’know, it was awesome that you’re not beating me up right now, but I’m kinda sorta late for a… Meeting..? And I uh, gotta go!” He broke free and started sprinting to the diner.

Before Mabel was able to question this fable, she fell asleep again. She only got 30 minutes more sleep, when she was once again awoken. This time, it was by her Grunkles coming through the vending machine, carrying the small child. The two men struggled at first, but had managed to get the kid onto the couch. Now that they were in the light, Mabel could take a closer look at the child. They had darker tan skin, blonde hair with a black streak in it, their clothes looked like a prison jumpsuit, and  they had sharp facial features. The girl noticed that the missing eye was now sewn shut, and that there was a scar that reached from the (permanently) closed eye, down. Even though the shirt was off, Mabel couldn’t see where it ended because there were bandages wrapped around their chest and stomach.

”How many injuries were there?” Mabel asked, concerned for the sleeping child. Ford looked at her, confused by the fact that it was Mabel who was there instead of Dipper.

”Well, there were over 20 injuries. Many of them cuts, scrapes, and bruises, but they also had 3 broken ribs, and obviously, their right eye is gone. When we examined the kid, we discovered a lengthy scar. It went from their right eye to the left side of their torso.” He replied.

Mabel started to trace the scar to where she could see it. The skin felt cold to touch, yet her Grunkles said that they weren’t dead. Then, she noticed something that she didn’t think was there before.

”Grunkle Stan? Was this sticker always on ‘Billy?’” She questioned. Stan looked at her from the tv. 

“Who’s Billy?” He asked. Mabel pointed at the at the sticker on the kid’s chest bandages. It read,

‘Hi! My name is… 𐌁𝚒டடㄚ‘

Stan stared at it for a few seconds before yelling to his brother, who was currently grabbing his 4th journal.

”HEY, FORD! DID THE KID ALWAYS HAVE A NAME TAG ON IT?”

Ford appeared in the doorway. 

“What in the world are you shouting about, Stanley?” He asked. Both Stanley and Mabel pointed at Billy’s name tag sticker. Ford inspected it.

”Hmm… Fascinating! This wasn’t here originally, and it’s also in good condition. The weird thing is, this handwriting looks like it has been on for centuries! Maybe even millennia!” The six fingered man exclaimed.

They all stared at the name for a bit, debating about how it got there. Sometime during the commotion, an eye unlike anyone’s opened. It was an amber eye with a cat-like pupil. The eye looked up to see a few familiar faces. He cocked his head.

”S-sixew..?” He mumbled. The eyes staring at his chest widened as they heard Billy talk.

Chapter Text

Bill’s mind and memories were foggy. His brain was a scrambling mess of multicolored shapes. A blur of faces, shapes, and entities flashed by him. He was now staring down at the man who once called him his muse. A young and brown-haired Stanford Filbrick Pines. 

“Heeeeyyy, Fordsy! How’s the portal going, IQ? Is it as amazing as you?” Bill asked cockily, making the egotistical brunet blush.

”M-my Muse! I…” Ford cleared his throat. Bill never understood why Ford always acted like this around him, but it riled Ford up and made him more oblivious to the larger plan, so the reason didn’t matter to the triangle. Ford continued, “I, uh, the portal is coming along well! My assistant Fiddleford had insisted that this isn’t a good idea though,” Bill scoffed. Fiddleford, the somehow smart enough hillbilly to be close with Sixer. Bill mocked in his head. Bill didn’t know what caused himself to act like this about Ford. So possessive. This puppet doesn’t have any control over me or what I do! Why do I feel like this then? 

Bill slowly woke up, his eyes blinking in the confusion and cold air. He looked around the semi-familiar room around him. He saw two old men in glasses and a teenage girl in a sweater discussing something that the former triangle didn’t try to understand or (haha) decipher what they were saying. Bill’s eye squinted as he started to recognize one of the figures.

”S-sixew?” He stuttered out. Everyone silenced and stared at him. The man he called out to raised an eyebrow, confused. The girl above him smiled and cheerfully asked,

”Hi there, Billy. How’re you doing?” Bill’s eye fully opened at the mention of his old nickname that was given to him by his mom. He teared up. Mabel looked shocked for a second then held his head to her chest, comforting him. The two adults glanced at each other and went back to awkwardly watching their great-niece hug the sobbing injured child. 

Ack. I-This is stupid. I’m pathetic. The great Bill Cipher is now crying. In front of a family that I myself swore to destroy! (Except maybe Fordsy…) But… It kind of feels nice. Being… Whatever this is called. No. I can’t get all mushy and soft because of one of the Pine’s twins. Bill shed a few more tears before wiping his face and held it in.

The small individual pushed the girl away. Mabel gave a small smile in understanding. She knew what it felt like to want to be alone. But she also knew that it wasn’t good to be so isolated. She suddenly took off, racing to get upstairs. She returned quickly and put the sweater that she had just finished on the way to Gravity Falls over the head of the toddler so that they could warm up and be… Less lonely. 

The chills across his chest were silenced with a cozy warmth. He looked up to see that a yellow-gold sweater with a smiley face was placed on him. He pulled his arms through the sleeves and pulled the neck of the cozy article of clothing over his head to cover his shame.

Mabel sighed. It’s almost like looking at a young her. She remembered the days where she would hide in her sweater, but now she copes by telling her nerdy brother what happened while making sweaters. She loved Gravity Falls in all its weirdness. It made me a better person, Mabel thought. Even though me and Dipstick had to go through therapy at home because mom thought we were lying, it changed our lives probably for the better. Our whole lives are ahead of us. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dipper sat at a table, nervously waiting for a certain waitress.

Oh my god, this is gonna be the first time seeing her all year. This is the moment that will either keep or break our relationship. You gotta relax, Dipper. Then, he spotted that there was a shake jar of sugar on the table. For a lot of restaurants, it’s usually salt but Gravity Falls has always been a tad strange. Except for Tad Strange who was drinking coffee in a booth near him. Dipper narrowed his eyes and checked to see if anyone was looking. He noticed nobody watching him, so his arm shot out to grab the sugar. He poured it in his mouth and didn’t stop until he heard a giggle. He looked at where the noise came from to see Pacifica. His face turned bright red and he started to choke on the sugar.

“Omg, are you okay?” The blonde asked, worried but still laughing. Dipper wheezed and said with a weak thumbs up,

“N-Never been better…”

“You dork. So… Why were you drinking sugar?” She questioned. Dipper coughed one more time.

”I-uh… Well, you see, I was a bit n-nervous and I, uh, wanted to c-calm my nerves, so…” He awkwardly chuckled, his face still pink from embarrassment. Pacifica smiled, her facial features softening while looking at the stuttering idiot. She kissed his cheek.

”It’s okay. It’s not like it’s the end of our relationship or anything!” She joked.

Chapter Text

Mabel stared at the crying child. They had calmed down a bit, but was still distanced from her.

“Billy, are you okay?” She asked, concerned about why the baby was crying.

They looked like they were about to start a fresh wave of tears, but then the kid’s expression changed to a very confused look.

“H-How do you know that n-name?” They wondered. Mabel reached out and slightly lifted the sweater to reveal the name tag sticker. When Billy looked down, their eyes widened. 

It was his Theraprism tag when there was a group therapy session. The Axolotl made him write ‘Billy’ instead of a much better name, like ‘Bill the Ruler of Dimensions’ or ‘Bill the Overlord.’ Psh. Stupid rules and shit… He had thought then and even now. Now, I’m forced to hear that stupid nickname coming from one of the intolerable set of twins. A voice rang in his (ew) ears.

Rock a bye Billy,

Please don’t you cry.

It’s not your fault you have that strange eye.

Stay safe with mommy,

You’ll never fall.

And we’ll always love you,

MURDERED US ALL.

It played in his mind for a few minutes before it faded to the background. He touched his face and it felt wet. More of these stupid human-meat-sack-creature ‘feeling’ things. I hate whatever the shit coming from my eye is. It doesn’t stop, it hurts, and not in a good way, and makes me feel look vulnerable and pathetic. This is the definition of worse than a fucking hellhole.

The girl watching him scooted closer. Since Billy didn’t push her away, she saw it as a welcome for her to put her arm around them.

“I-It’s okay, Billy-” She was interrupted by an outburst from the toddler.

“STOP! STOP CAWWING ME BIWWY! CAWW ME BY MY WEAW NAME! I AM BIWW FUCKING CIPHEW! WUWEW OF WOWWDS! YOU SHOUWD FEAW ME!” Mabel blinked for a second in shock.

”Uh- Ummm…. Y-You’re kidding, r-right? You can’t be… Bill Cipher because we- We killed him! H-He died and… You’re… You’re an adorable child..! You can’t be him…” She was doubting everything she knew about Bill and Billy. 

Okay, Bill had a stupid voice and Billy has a similar voice without the weird effect but can’t pronounce ‘Rs’ and ‘Ls’ correctly, making it cuter… Bill’s name is Bill and Billy is just Bill with a ‘y.’ But wait… Bill is a one-eyed, psychopathic, sociopathic, and narcissistic triangle while Billy is a 5-year-old one-eyed human who is crying their eyes out, probably having a mental breakdown. So, how likely that in two years, BILL CIPHER, the selfish nacho jerk, would be a sad but cute human child? Mabel thought. 

Bill stood there in the yellow homemade sweater, made by the wretched teen who took part of his death. He was thinking about his decision of revealing who he was. Dammit. Now she knows that I’m the pathetic sobbing baby. Wait… Something’s off… Bill turned around to see the oldest set of twins. The dumb one with brass knuckles and Sixer with a gun pointed at him. Bill squeaked.

“H-Hey, Fowdsy..! Nice to see you again! A-and maybe Fez, I guess… N-Not weawwy…”

Bill tried to shrink himself, only managing to fall backwards and brace himself for whatever impact to hit him. Surprisingly, it never came. Until Bill let his guard down. When Bill took his arms off of his head, a punch came to his face. Then a few to his chest. Yes, Stanley Pines went as low as to punch an injured toddler that he helped fix. Multiple punches. Blood went everywhere. 

Ford watched as his former Muse, now with an appearance as childish as his personality, was repeatedly being hit by his brother.

“Stanley! Stop it. You’re going to kill him. You don’t want murder on your list of crimes. Especially the death of a child.” Ford yelled.

Ford thought back to every memory of Bill’s worst side. The manipulation, the selfishness, and cockiness, all stripped from him.

“Ya sure that you want me to stop?” Stan asked, punching Bill once more. Ford groaned.

“I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but yes. Stop hitting the evil psycho child, Stan.” 

Bill weakly smiled. “S-Sixew… Y-You saved me! Aftew aww that happened, you stiww saved me..!” Ford rolled his eyes.

”Okay, punch him again.” Ford said.

”ACK- T-That’s faiw…” Bill cried as he was struck with another blow.

Chapter Text

Bill was passed out. A-gain. Ford looked down at the sleeping child. Was this really Bill? The triangle who manipulated and used my love and affection feelings and emotions, now reduced to a mere mortal child? The thought made him uneasy. What could’ve done this? How is he even still alive? What kind of being is able to bring back this powerful of an entity and encase it in a fragile human body? He had so many questions buzzing through his head. Some were about Bill, but most was about the being who resurrected him. Ford took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. His brother walked up to him.

“Sooo… What’re ya thinking about now, poindexter?” Stan asked. Ford put his glasses back on and replied,

“It’s nothing.” Stan arched an eyebrow at him. Ford let out a sigh. “Fine. I’m just confused over… All this…”

“Like how the demonic triangle is back as a human?” His twin asked. “Yeah, it’s a shitty situation,”

“Stanley! There are kids around!” Ford yelled. Stan looked around.

“What kids? The small kid’s asleep and Mabel isn’t a kid, she’s old enough to go to Juvie!”

While her Grunkles were arguing, Mabel sat there and found herself staring once more at Billy. 

I… Was tricked. That would make it the second time I was a pawn in the stupid triangle’s game! Why do I keep falling for the innocence? Why do I keep being so dumb? A single tear fell from her face before she wiped it away. I don’t know why, but I still believe that ‘Billy’ deserves a second chance… I mean, the evil Dorito from two years ago would never break down and let me help him, so why would he now..? Mabel thought for a second and kneeled down to get a better look at Billy. He had blood staining his face and sweater. The blonde hair now was eerily familiar, the yellow sweater wasn’t helping either. Or the single eye… I should’ve connected the dots. She grunted and poked Billy’s cheek. His eye slightly blinked open and he stared at her.

“What awe you wooking at? Awso why awen’t you all ‘bwah, bwah, bwah, I’m about to kiww you’ wike Fez did?” Bill asked, no enthusiasm or self defense in his voice. Mabel’s brain juices started to move.

“Hey Billy- uhm… Bill, how did all of… This, happen to you?” Mabel said to dodge the question.

In reality, she didn’t actually know why she wasn’t taking the neatest bat and beating the crap out of him. 

“Yes, I wonder that as well.” Ford said as he suddenly appeared behind his great niece.

Mabel jumped while Bill screamed. At Billy’s high-pitched scream, the twins started laughing. Stan actually fell over. The former demon just sat there with a dead stare.

“Weawwy? Waughing at the most powewfuw demon evew? How hiwawiouswy stupid.” He said. Sadly, it had the opposite effect than planned. Stan just cackled harder and Ford failed to keep the chuckles in. 

“ANYWAYS,” Bill began. “The weason why I’m wike this is because I committed awson in ten dimensions and expwoded a thousand univewses at once and when the powice cownered me, I kiwwed them and twansfowmed into a wandom meat sack into a wandom dimension. EndOfStowy,NothingEwseToIt.”

Everyone skeptically eyed the child who was standing awkwardly triumphant with sweat beading his forehead. Ford sighed.

“Uh huh… So by total coincidence, you ended up as a ‘vulnerable and innocent child’ in our universe, dimension, planet, and HOUSE. You also seemingly have no powers, based on how you reacted when Stanley attacked you. Another thing, how do you explain the phenomenon of when you showed up, you were bloodied and broken. Continuing-”

“Oh mysewf! Do you ever stop tawking? I fowgot that you wewe so annoying.” Bill whined. 

“That’s it. Only I can call my brother annoying. I’m gunna kill him again!” Stan said as he started to walk towards Bill.

Ford observed Bill. At the word ‘kill,’ he didn’t move or even flinch. He just sat there waiting for it to happen. With… A small smile on his face? 

I know that Bill usually loves pain, but this is unnatural… Even more than usual. It’s almost as if he wants to die. A being as powerful as Bill would never choose to die… 

“Stanley, stop. Another thing I would never thought I’d say, don’t kill Bill again,” Ford grudgingly said. “We still have yet to examine him.”

Bill squeaked and hid behind Mabel.

“E-examine me..?” Bill asked.

“Correct.” The man said, the light reflecting off his glasses and making him look more ominous. “I must test this strange occurrence and see this body’s reaction to certain things. And you’re sure that you are currently not possessing any small child?” 

“I’M SURE, IQ.” The nacho-child said, half annoyed and half scared to death.

As much as Ford wanted to get his hands on Bill’s human vessel, he was surprisingly held back by Stan.

“Ford, as much as I’d like to torture this kid, look at him.” He said. Ford glanced at Bill. He was hiding behind his great-niece and was shaking. It repeated in his brain. BILL CIPHER, THE ENTITY THAT CAN DESTROY DIMENSIONS AT HIS WILL, WAS CURRENTLY HIDING BEHIND A FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD AND SHAKING.

“But- But I wanna-”

“No. I wanna rip apart his guts too, but no. I think we should make this kid heal. Then we can get accurate results and so we can make him hurt even more.” Stan continued.

“But science-”

“No.”

“I-”

“Grunkle Ford,” Mabel interrupted. “At least hold off on it for a week. He’s… He looks like this whole ‘no powers plus human thingy’ is new to him. And he looks traumatized at the thought of medical stuff.”

It was true. Bill was still shaking, but his face contorted into a look of pure offense when he realized that they were calling him weak.

“H-HEY! I- I’m wight h-hewe, you know.” Bill called.

“Hey jackass, we’re trying to stop the less crazy thing from experimenting on you. SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE.” Stan yelled. Mabel gasped.

”LANGUAGE! I may be able to go to jail, but there’s still an innocent bean here!” 

Stan rolled his eyes. “Innocent?”

The girl thought for a second. 

“You know, maybe not so innocent, but he’s still stuck as just a child!” Bill came out from behind Mabel and stood in the middle of them all.

“STOP CAWWING ME A CHIWD!!!! I’VE BEEN HEWE THIS WHOWE TIME!!!” Bill squeaked out of rage. “PWUS, I’M MIWWIONS OF YEAWS OWDEW THEN AWW OF YOU!” 

“Awwwh! So little!” Shooting Star said with a cat smile as she crouched to see Bill. :3 “Can he sleep in our room?” 

Ford was about to say something but was once again interrupted by his brother.

“Usually I wouldn’t let him anywhere near you, but he’s powerless and it looks like if he’s left anywhere alone, he’ll burn down the house.”

And that’s how Bill ended up as Shooting Star’s roommate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, so can we not mention how I was drinking sugar? It’s been a rough night…” Dipper asked the blonde. She giggled.

“Whatever, nerd. Anyways, what was so urgent that you had to call me for an emergency date?”  

Dipper’s eyes lit up. This was one of the only things he’s good at. Talking about the weird.

“Okay, so we arrived at the Mystery Shack, right? And when we got out, there was a bleeding toddler on our porch!” Dipper kept talking with Pacifica nodding along to whatever he was saying. If you looked closely, you might’ve been able to see hearts in their eyes. 

“And like, what if it’s a shapeshifter?” Dipper theorized.

“Or, hear me out, what if it’s just an orphan who got lost in the woods?” Pacifica reasoned.

For a whole three hours, they talked. Luckily the diner was empty, but still. It was cute and stuff.

Chapter Text

Pacifica drank some of the coffee she brought Dipper. She immediately gagged on it, causing her boyfriend to go into anxiety mode.

“OMG PAZ, ARE YOU OKAY?!? DO YOU NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION? WAS THE COFFEE POISONED? Wait… I also drank it… DID MY SALIVA POISON YOU???” Dipper freaked out because of his lack of sleep. And maybe too many energy drinks.

“No, you doofus!” She laughed. “I’m just not used to something so sweet!”

“Sweeter than you?” Dipper coyly replied. Pacifica blushed.

“Wait, did you get that from a book?”

Dipper hid the book behind his back.

“Nooo…” 

Their cuteness was cut short when Pacifica’s phone rang. She groaned at the contact. Not him… She thought.

“Hello?” Sighed the girl. 

“PACIFICA ELISE NORTHWEST!” Called the voice on the phone. “Where in the heavens are you? Me and your mother have been waiting for you to return home!” 

“Dad, I told you. I’ve been working at the diner! You know, for money?” She rolled her eyes.

“What have I told you about working like some sort of…” He audibly shuddered. “Commoner…”

“I mean, we need cash to pay for bills! You sold all of my horses, my designer clothes, and my peacocks!”

“We needed the money!”

“You shouldn’t have spent it all on stupid stuff! While I go to work for eight hours, you and mom just sit on the couch watching tv and whining about how we’re poor! It’s been 2 years, GET OVER IT!” She yelled.

“Young lady, watch your tone! We need you to come home because the last of our maids quit today because we weren’t paying her paycheck!” Preston argued back.

“How is that any of my concern?”

“Because you’re going to clean the house from now on!”

“What if I don’t want to? Also, we should pay back the community! Our family name sucks!”

“Then never come back to the Northwest house ever again!”

“What..?” 

Before he hung up, Preston said six words that changed Pacifica forever.

“You are no longer a Northwest.”

Pacifica cried, the hot tears feeling like acid as they rolled down her cheeks. Dipper looked at her, concerned.

“Uh, if you don’t mind me asking, what happened? Are you okay?” He asked.

She shook her head no as she buried her head in his shirt.

“Would you like me to take you home..?” He didn’t know what to do in this situation. She sobbed even harder. 

“C-Can you t-take m-me to y-your house?” She shakily asked between hiccups. He nodded and slowly walked out of the diner. On the way there, Pacifica told her boyfriend everything that had happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Meanwhile, Billy was on Shooting Star’s bed, listing to her ramble on and on about some dumb meat bag boys. When she mentioned girls, Billy got more interested.

“Humans can be attwacted to muwtipwe types of fwesh coats?” He asked.

“Yeah!” Mabel responded. “It’s part of something called lgbtqia+! I’m what’s called a bisexual!” 

Billy cocked his head in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“Well my small bean, it means that I like my gender and the opposite gender! I like guys and girls!” She smiled. At least he’s sort of interested in something!

“Awe thewe meat sack wabews othew than ‘boy’ and ‘girw?’ ” Bill wondered.

“Well, yeah! You can be anything and be attracted to anything! You can be nonbinary, which is something out of the usual cis thing! Or genderfluid, or agender, or pangender… Or- You know what? Let’s just have a little quiz!” The brunette said.

“Suwe..?” Billy accepted.

“First, which pronouns feel right for you?” 

“What awe my options?” 

“There’s they/them, he/him, she/her, and a whooolllleee bunch of neopronouns… you can even combine them like she/they or he/they!” 

Billy thought for a second before deciding on he/they.

“What gender(s) are you interested in?” Mabel asked.

“Uhhh… Can I say aww?” He nervously squeaked.

“Yeah! That’s called being pansexual! It’s being confused and having gay panics about anyone almost all the time!” She explained.

“Huh. I think I’m that.” He said. “Except ‘wove’ is… It’s against my very existence!”

Mabel’s eyes widened. “Are you absolutely SURE that you haven’t felt love? It’s a fluttery feeling inside that makes you want to do anything for a certain person. Or be around them all the time. That’s called a crush.”

”Interwesting…” He hummed.

”So… What’s your type?” Mabel pried.

”I don’t know! I’d teww you but I’m a chiwd wight now, so it’s a wittle weird.” 

“Just spill!”

”My type is-“ Dipper suddenly bursts into the attic with Pacifica.

”MABEL! I have something I kind of have to tell you and…” He trailed off as he saw that the kid was there. 

Pacifica’s puffy red eyes slightly lit up. A child! Wait… Is that the child that Dip was talking about? She thought as she walked over to him and sat down on the bed.

She poked him. “Stop that. Why do you peopwe keep poking me?” Billy said, annoyed. 

“Why are you so… Beat up?” Llama asked him.

”I was wan ovew by a hewd of deew and beat up by theiw gweat uncwe. How wouwd you wook?” Sarcasm dripped from Bill’s sentence.

Pacifica sat there processing the child’s statement.

”You were ran over by deer and mauled by Stan? Damn… The deer haven’t held that much of a grudge against me and my family hunted them. Stan hadn’t even beat me when I was rich.” She noted. “Also what’s up with your cute little lisp thingy?” 

At that, the child got even more annoyed. “One, it’s not cute. Two, I don’t know. I had it when I fiwst got hewe.”

”Weird. What’s your name lil guy?” She asked.

”I’m-” He started before Mabel clamped her hand over his mouth.

”He told me that his name is Billy!” She said. Paz side eyed her. A bit suspicious… She thought.

”Cool!” She instead said.

How the heck is she so much calmer than before??? Dipper thought before turning to his sister. “Okay, so before I tell you this, Paz is it okay to tell her what happened?” He asked for consent.

In response, the blonde nodded while squishing Billy’s cheeks. Dipper breathed in and out.

”Uh… We were… Hanging out! And her dad called her. He was an asshole and basically disowned her.” He explained. Mabel had a look of shock and disgust on her face.

”Why the hell would he do that?” Mabel asked, outraged.

”Apparently because she was stating facts and working a job.” He replied.

”Oh, no, that motherfucker did not just disown his daughter and only child for that shit.” She started rolling up her sleeves.

”Mabel, I want to murder him too, but think of the jail time!” Dipper said.

When his sister cussed, she was FURIOUS. Trying to calm her down is like trying to tame a wild animal. Unpredictable and could explode with glitter at any time. He looked over at her to see her carrying small glitter cannons. Dipper wrestled with her, trying to take the cannons away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Ford paced in his lab with Stanley sitting down eating chips.

”Why in hell would you allow him to stay alive? AND stay in the attic where the KIDS sleep?” Ford asked.

”Well,” Stan explained while munching, “Right now the psychopathic triangle is in a child’s body. I don’t want ‘child murderer’ to be on my very long list of crimes. And what if I sorta… Like children? I totally don’t, but that’s an option to consider! The reason why I let the demon thing stay in the attic is because what harm will it do? From what I’ve seen, he has no powers, no body strength, and very low willpower to live. I know what those expressions look like. I’ve seen them all on my own face. If we leave him alone, he might break something or kill himself.” 

Ford thought for a bit. “Stanley, when did you become empathetic? Especially towards Bill? And when did you grow a soft spot for children???” He questioned. 

“The kiddos might have affected me when I first met them, okay?” He argued.

Ford stared at him. “If you went back in time and told 20-something year old you what you and your life’s like, you probably wouldn’t believe yourself.”

”Heh… Yeah. I wouldn’t believe myself for a lotta reasons. I thought that I’d be rich and have a lot of ladies, so having a family, talking to you again, and fighting demon things would sound crazy.” They sat there for a bit, Stan still nibbling on the last bit of chips in his bag. They then heard a loud explosion and lots of shouting from the attic. They turned to each other and said in unison,

”What the heck was that?”

The twins ran up the stairs to see glitter all over the floor, a red and puffy eyed Pacifica poking Bill, and Mabel trying to get out of her brother’s grasp. 

“LET ME GO, DIPPER!” She yelled.

”ONLY IF YOU DON’T ATTACK PAZ’S ASSHOLE OF A DAD!” He replied, matching her volume.

The girl groaned loudly. “Fiiiinnnnnneee.” She set her other glitter cannon on the floor in surrender.

”What the hell happened, kids? And why is the blonde brat here?” Stan asked.

“Who’re you calling a brat?” Both Pacifica and Bill asked.

“I’m talking about the rich girl,” The old conman replied. “Anyways, why are you here? Was your fancy mansion not good enough, so you pull a Gideon on us and try to take the shack?” He mocked.

”Who’s this fake blonde and who’s Gideon?” Ford whispered.

”This kid is a rich girl with probably fake hair. At first, she made fun of Mabel and Dipper, but now they’re okay, I guess. Gideon is a ten-year old child psycho who summoned the nacho man, had one of your journals, harassed Mabel, tried to kill Dipper multiple times, and temporarily had the shack.” His twin whispered back casually, leaving Ford speechless for once. Why are kids so insane these days? He wondered.

Pacifica, her eyes still bloodshot and red, firmly said, “No.”

”Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford! Uh, actually, Paz is going to be living with us for a while! Heh…” Dipper nervously intervened.

”What? Is this a joke? She’s one of the richest people in this town! She should be with her rich family in their rich house and being… I dunno, rich?” Stan said.

Pacifica teared up a bit. “Shut up, old man. I got kicked out of the house!” She yelled.

“Oh. Then, uh, stay as long as you have to.” He said in a serious tone, remembering the day his parents threw him out onto the street. 

An awkward silence was louder than arguing. 

“This was… An interesting day. I should go back to my lab and take a few notes.” Ford said walking out. 

“I should probably open the shack.” Stan commented before following his brother. 

It was just Mabel, Dipper, Pacifica, and Billy.

”So… Should I go kill your dad, or..?” Shooting Star asked Llama.

”No. I- He’s a good guy, but…” The blonde girl’s words died out.

”I’m down to kiww anyone at this point. I’m just so booowwweeeddd…” Bill whined.

”Oh yeah, kid where did you even come from? How old are you? Why were you at our door? What are your pronouns? W-” Pine Tree asked.

”Oh mysewf. You tawk sooooo much. I-“ He started before Mabel cut him off.

”He… was abandoned  in the woods, he’s six, and prefers he/they pronouns!” She lied. “Play along! Dipper hates you more than anyone right now!” She hiss/whispered at Bill. The small boy nodded in response.

”Wait… How did you know this, Mabel?” Dipper asked.

”I towd her whiwe you wewe doing whatevew.” Bill said.

Dipper was suspicious, but a lot happened in the past few hours, so he was a little disoriented.

”Okay… Anyways, I’m Dipper, you’ve met Mabel, and the blonde girl poking you is Pacifica!”

”Nice to meet you, I’m…” Bill hesitated for a second. ”Biwwy.”

The demon-turned-human hated that name. It made him nauseous and slightly light headed. For some odd reason, it made him hear screams of terror as well.

“Mabel told us… Is there anything we could call you instead though?” Dipper questioned 

Bill snapped out of his thoughts. “… What?”

”It’s just that your name is… Familiar… And it triggers some unsettling flashbacks.” The teen said. “You see, two years ago, a yellow Dorito dream demon invaded Gravity Falls and turned it into an apocalypse dubbed, ‘Weirdmaggedon.’ The multiversal-monster was named Bill Cipher and your name, Billy, just reminds me of the bastard.” 

Bill tried his hardest not to lunge at the boy. He called me a fucking Dorito! And a bastard! If I had powers, I would torture him to death and use his organs as a piñata. He thought, swearing vengeance before forcing out,

“You can caww me Wiwwiam, I guess.”

”Great!” Dipper obliviously said. 

Ford had been observing them the whole time. What is he getting at? Why wouldn’t he just tell Dipper who he truly is? I remember reading his ‘book’, but it was just a sad attempt at saving him from death! Where did he actually come from..? That’s something his so-called ‘book’ didn’t cover. Where did he go after he died? How is he only half-dead? There’s too many questions and too little time. I want him out as soon as possible, but I need to inquire him! I need to… Experiment.

Random Pan - Dom

RandomPanHearts

Chapter Text

Ford overheard a few bits of the kid’s conversation which included Dipper asking ‘Billy’ a whole bunch of questions about the supernatural, Mabel pestering him about his love life, and the blonde girl, Pacifica, he mentally noted, watching. The scientist walked towards his lab. Why did Cipher show his face here and now? If he was able to do it, why not do it when we ‘killed’ him, two years ago? He was probably lying about the police, there’s no doubt about it, but why? Usually he’d brag about everything and anything, so no what makes this time any different? Think, Stanford, think! He paced his laboratory floor chewing on a ballpoint pen. He’s in a very young child’s body with seemingly no powers. That could be him manipulating us into trusting him. He tried to make himself believe that that was the reason. That’s absolutely Cipher’s style, but it doesn’t feel right. Back when we were partners acquaintances, he had told me that he doesn’t have a human form and if he did, he would hate everything about it. He said that he’d sooner rip out my organs and use them as dinner platters or marry my brother than have a human form. I was young and naive then and believed that he’d never do that to me. That he’d never hurt me intentionally. But younger me was wrong. I believe that he would torture me at any chance, but marrying my brother is quite a large stretch. Bill also would never willingly cry in front of anyone. Especially in front of people he considered ’lower’ than him. How am I sure that this is actually the conquerer of dimensions, ruler of realms, and former muse? Ford felt triggered at the mention of his past ‘muse.’ He groaned in frustration. All this thinking caused the pen he was chewing on to burst. The man wiped the ink from his mouth. He never actually liked me, or enjoyed my company. He only saw me as a pet. Someone to wind up and play with before getting bored. The need reminded himself. What if I just… Ask? No. He’ll never listen. I could use force, I mean, it’s not like it kidnapping, he’s a menace to society, so… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dipper and Pacifica left the attic to discuss her living situation, leaving Billy and Mabel alone. Almost nonstop blabbing about crushes.

”So do you have a crush on anyone right now?” Mabel giggled.

”No. I witerawwy just got to youw dimension yestewday. How and whewe wouwd I meet someone? Pwus, isn’t it a bit cweepy to ask about my wove wife when I’m in a six yeaw owd body?” Bill asked.

”Geez, who broke your heart?” Shooting star accused jokingly. “Anyways, I’m going to get some snacks. I’ll be back soon, don’t leave!”

Bill sat there with his thoughts for the first time since his weird jumbled dreams. The voices, Sixer. He could barely remember what the words in his dream said. Something like, ‘Why did you do it?’ Why did I do what? I do a lot of things. He wondered. He heard a footstep from behind him before being plunged into darkness. He tried to shout, but was met with muffled silence. Dammit. I’m gagged. Was his last thought before falling asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He woke up, his eyes taking their time to adjust. The only thing he could tell was that it was dark, metal, and cold. He shivered, his legs freezing despite the yellow sweater Shooting Star had knitted him. The former demon felt fingers tying him down to a table of some kind. His eyes finally adjusted and he saw the figure of a man. The kidnapper ripped the gag off of him. 

“H-hey! You w-wouwdn’t want to h-huwt a kid, wight..? How about you stop this kidnapping and wetuwn me to whewe I came fwom, okay? We couwd make a deaw!” He decided. 

Instead of cowering or putting him back, the man lightly chuckled. Wait a minute… Bill questioned before calling out, “Fowdsy.?” 

It was too obvious who it was now. “What do you want, Cipher? I don’t got all day. I need to make this fast so that I can get back my work.” Ford commented. 

Bill looked down to see that he was restrained to a table or something of the sort. “Why am I chained up? Wewease me!” He demanded.

Ford smirked. “Think of it as payback for all the times you’ve chained me up. Treated me like crap. Other than that, I’m just going to run a few tests on you and your ‘body.’ First, I need a blood sample.”

Bill stared at Stanford the best that he could. “W-What? I sweaw, Stanfowd Pines, wewease me ow I wiww muwdew you and youw tewwibwe famiwy! If I don’t, I’ww swowy towtuwe you peopwe untiw you beg fow mewcy, wike the good owd days. If you do so much as touch me, I wiww scweam the word ‘pedophiwe’ as woud as I couwd.” 

Sixer shrugged and put the gag back on the child. “Stop struggling. That will make what I’m about to do a lot harder.” Ford suggested to the thrashing Bill. That just made Billy fight back more. His eye went wide as soon as he saw the needle.

”Unhand me!” He tried to say, but it came out as more of a, “Mmhmm mh!” Because of the gag in his mouth. He screamed, kicked, and cried like a child would while at the doctor’s office to get a shot.

Suddenly, the ends of Bill’s long golden hair turned blue and made Ford’s face catch on fire.

While Ford was struggling with the fire, Billy took his chance to try and escape the lab. He escaped the binds okay, but sadly for him, he was too short to reach the handle. He struggled and jumped as high as he could, but couldn’t.

”Now, where was I?” Ford asked, towering over the child. Bill hadn’t noticed how short he was compared to everyone else. He was as tall as his triangle self standing on the ground like Pyramid Steve. Just the very thought of it made Billy cringe. He was forced into reality when he felt the needle stab his arm and start to drain his blood. 

“AAAGGGGGHH!” He cried out in pain. “FUCK!” Bill was gasping for air. All of this medical-y stuff was making him freak out. Since when was Bill afraid of doctors? Ford wondered.

When Sixer pulled the needle out, Bill asked, “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’WE DOING? YOU AWMOST KIWWED ME! FUCKING SHIT!” Bill panicked and curled into a ball. He hated all things medical. He would try to attack the medicine, the person holding the medicine, or the doctor prescribing it Emotional medicine, mental medicine, or Physical medicine were three things Bill couldn’t stand in… Recent developments. 

“I warned you to stay still,” Fordsy shrugged.

”And I didn’t consent to this!” Bill argued.

”Consent. When have you ever worried about that? Or any intergalactic laws?” Ford asked, coldly.

”Uh…” He stalled. It was true, he never cared about stupid things like LaWs! They, along with many things, tried to stop him from just being in a silly goofy mood! He slightly snickered at the thought of consent. His mind wandered to the tattoos he put onto the man standing in front of him. Bill started cackling.

”What? You think that consent and laws are funny? What if I experiment on you more? Would that be funny?” Ford snapped.

”I mean, kind of. Yeah. They’we a joke! B-but um… Lay off the suwgewy, okay? Fowdsy?” The trillion year old in a six year old’s body nervously squeaked.

“Don’t call me that,” The six fingered man glared at him. “I need to know why you’re like this without lies and trickery. If that includes me examining your organs, let it be.” 

Bill yelped as Ford injected him with a syringe.

”Wha wuz tha..?” The boy drowsily asked.

”A high concentration tranquilizer.” He answered.

”Mmm… Nighty night, sixew…” He only saw Ford’s frustrated face before blacking out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ford watched as Bill fell asleep. He sighed and thought, I thought that he’d never shut up. Ford wasn’t actually going to give Bill more surgery. He preformed enough on him just in 24 hours. The scientist was still super curious about how, why, and what brought Bill back after his death. He went to his desk and started studying the book he stabbed, but still nothing. No clues. No information. Just useless crap. Then, he remembered. One of his inventions. Two years ago, Dipper destroyed his mind scanner. It was easy to fix, of course, it was just the screen that broke, but Ford had been tinkering with it during the past year and made it so that it could show you pictures, like a television. I could use this to see Cipher’s thoughts! Who’s the mind reader now?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill ‘woke’ in space in his superior triangular form. A void of pitch black. A few stars cluttered the skyline. A few giant, colorful silly straws snaked down. Hm. He thought. Usually it’s more chaotic and painful than this. And not the hilarious kind or the physical kind, it hurts in my heart and mind. Why? I miss when I never slept in my life. Bill was curious about the silly straws, to say the least. He stepped onto one only to slip and start sliding down it, letters and symbols blurring past him. It looked like that one page from his book. A voice boomed from every direction.

ELOO, ZKB GLG BRX GR LW? ZKB GLG BRX GR LW, ELOOB?

He froze. “W-what?” He asked.

ZKB GLG BRX GR LW, ELOOB?

It repeated.

“I… What do you mean? Why did I do what?” Billy questioned, puzzled about this voice.

BRX NQRZ ZKDW BRX GLG, ELOOB.

”I’ve done a lot. I don’t remember every single little thing I’ve done, okay? So stop contacting me.” Bill sighed.

BRX FKRRVH QRW WR UHPHPEHU ZKDW BRX GLG. BRX WUB DQG EORFN LW RXW, EXW VRPHZKHUH GHHS LQVLGH, BRX NQRZ HADFWOB ZKDW BRX GLG, ELOOB.

”Okay, actually fuck off now. You’re making my head feel all static-y and your bitch whining is amplifying the constant screams in the background.” The boy yelled while sliding.

ZKR’V VFUHDPV DUH WKRVH, KXK?

”I… uh…” He trailed off. He recognized some voices, but that just made the sounds louder and his mind started blanking.

HADFWOB.

Bill groaned. “Are you gonna ask me more pointless riddles and questions like the suckers at the Theraprism, or what?”

FINE. I’LL STOP ASKING QUESTIONS. YOU’LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER. The voice boomed.

”Well, you’re a pain in my ass.” He grumbled. “At least you’re slightly more bearable than a few minutes ago.”

GET USED TO IT. I’LL BE HERE FOR A WHILE.

”If you’re going to be here, who are you and how long are you gonna be in my brain?” Bill reluctantly accepted.

The voice went silent for a bit before answering, CALL ME, U.

”What does the ‘U’ stand for?” He asked

THAT’S UNNECESSARY FOR YOU TO KNOW.

”Great. A suspicious voice whispering in my dream who refuses to tell me their name. Since ‘U’ is a lame alias, I’ll call you ‘Univ.’ It’s weird, it’s cool, and it’s space-y.” Bill called out.

UNIV? I LIKE IT. SOON, YOU’LL KNOW JUST HOW SIMILAR WE ARE.

“Whatever. So am I gonna wake up now?” The term ‘wake up’ was so unfamiliar to Bill. Along with ‘sleep’ and ‘emotions.’ 

HMMM… NOPE! YOU’VE TORTURED COUNTLESS LIVES, SO NOW I’LL TORTURE YOU!

Chapter Text

Bill laughed.

”You torture me? I’ve never heard of something so hilarious, except for Ford getting injured the Great Depression of course!” He almost fell from laughter and had to brace himself with his knees. “Y-You’ve got to be joking! Man, that was fun, but actually tell me what we do now. Are we gonna take over the world? Liberate this dimension? Make everything imperfectly weird? What’cha thinking?”

I MEAN WHAT I SAID, CIPHER. I’M ABLE TO CONTROL YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS.

”Wait what? You’re serious?” Bill asked.

I HAVE NO REASON TO LIE.

”Oh, but you do. People bluff for all types of reasons. I may be in the body of a child, but I’ve still lived for trillions of years.” Bill reasoned with a calmer voice than usual.

YOU STILL FORGET WHAT MADE YOU.

”I have a perfect memory, what are you talking about?” The triangle bragged.

I’M TALKING ABOUT THE INCIDENT. THE ACCIDENT.

Bill’s brain raced through every memory he could remember. What incident? His mind questioned. What ‘accident’ am I accountable of? I’ve made very little mistakes, though. Every time it was trusting mankind, though. I can’t think of any other accident I could’ve caused.

THINK OF YOUR CHILDHOOD.

“Hah! My childhood was everyone loving me. I was the best triangle ever!” Bill replied, confident in his answer.

AND YOUR PARENTS?

For the first time in a while, the Euclidian geometric shape was speechless. “M-My parents? What about them?”

YOUR FATHER, YOUR MOTHER. AND YOU. WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME? A BETTER CITIZEN WHO ABIDES BY LAWS? A EUCLIDIAN WORTHY OF LIFE? SOMEONE WHO CAN LOVE? NO. YOU BECAME WHAT YOU BELIEVED YOU WERE TO FEEL NO GUILT. A MONSTER.

”…” Bill stopped sliding and was suddenly floating in darkness. Static could be seen through a tear in space, his hands covered with blood of his own kind. His own mother’s blood. He stared into the static and whispered, “Where did you go, mama?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ford carefully removed the bowl of popcorn from the diy microwave he made for quick meals back when he was young. The six-fingered man sat down in the chair in front of the mind reader/projector. “Univ, huh?” He muttered. “I’ve studied many creatures from across the multiverse and never heard of someone who goes by ‘U.’ Strange alias, yes, but what’s intriguing is what Cipher changed it to. ‘Univ,’ why a space themed name? Also, how did U get into a dream demon’s mind? Even though his appearance is of a child, he is not as weak as he plays off to be. Back when I held him down, his hair turned blue and set me on fire… Maybe he still has his powers, just less. Or it’s hidden from him.” 

Stanford watched as Univ (damnit Bill’s nicknames are catchy) questioned Cipher about his childhood. How would this entity know of Bill’s childhood when he barely told me? All he told me was that his home dimension was destroyed by some sort of monster that would supposedly eat me alive. 

Suddenly the scene changed to a static-y rip in space surrounded by a dark abyss dotted with stars. Some sort of dark red substance coated Bill’s hands, arms, and part of his triangular body. Ford guessed that this was the broken dimension. He heard whispers emitted from the machine.

“Why did you do it?” They seemed to say.

Bill had previously been confused, asking what he did, but now he just looked… Scared? Traumatized? Guilty? Stanford searched his mind for the right word, but somewhere deep below, he knew that it was none of those. He had found the word for the term for the triangle. He looked like he was in disbelief. 

Bill muttered gibberish. “L’P VR VRUUB. WKLV FRXOG’YH EHHQ DYRLGHG LI QRW IRU PH DQG PB IXFNLQJ FXUVH RI D GHIHFW. L FRXOG’YH VDYHG BRX. RU SUHYHQWHG WKLV EB MXVW NLOOLQJ PBVHOI RQ HXFOLGLD, OLNH L ILUVW SODQQHG EHIRUH SODQ E. Vkrzlqj brx jxbv wkh vwduv…” The last sentence echoed where there were no walls. 

The man grimaced. He remembered that Cipher had a code for speaking and writing. It looked and sounded like utter nonsense to almost everyone. Except the once who can distinguish codes and madness. He himself had self with both from the same entity. Since the echo was so loud due to the silence from everything else, he recorded the last bit.

‘Vkrzlqj brx jxbv wkh vwduv…’ It said. He played it over and over again, trying to search for a pattern. He kept the device on, but there was no reason to keep watching. It was just the triangle repeating “L’P VR VRUUB.”

The door to his lab slammed open, shocking the old man. He pulled out a gun and slowly walked over. He snuck up to the corner and yelled, pointing the gun at the intruder.

”AHHHHHHHHH!”

”EEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!”

”AAAAHH- Wait, Dipper?”

”Sorry for slamming your door open, Grunkle Ford…” The so-called intruder sheepishly said.

Stanford sighed in relief. “Thank the stars! It’s just you. I’ll admit, I’m a bit paranoid right now.”

”Haha, I would be too since William came.” The young scientist chuckled nervously.

”Who is this, ‘William’ you speak of?” Ford inquired.

”Oh! The kid, Billy. I figured that his name sounded a bit too familiar to a certain dead triangle…” This surprised the older man.

So he doesn’t know… He thought. ”I suppose you’re right. You call him William for now?” He agreed.

Dipper nodded. “Well, I told him a recap of Weirdmaggeddon and he said to call him that.”

“Hmm… Interesting... And has ‘William’ told you anything about him?”

”Mabel said that he was a six year old abandoned in the woods who prefers he/they pronouns. I asked her how she knew this and he apparently told her this while me and Pacifica were on a d- haaannnging out!” He ‘smoothly’ disguised.

Oh… Right. Ford had gotten so distracted by Bill’s mind that he had forgotten all about what his great niece and greatest nemesis told the boy. “Ah! Correct..! He told the whole family while you were away.” He nervously said. Dammit, I’m not the greatest liar… I’ve got to ask Stanley how he does it so effortlessly.

Some good news is that instead of remaining on the subject, Dipper starts to focus on something else. The bad news is that he started to look at the machine and the child hooked up to it.

”Uhhh… Grunkle Ford..? Why’s William in your lab? And why is the thing that sent me and Mabel to therapy on that tv thingy?” The boy asked.

Crap. “W-well… Do you know what it does..?” The Stanford tried.

Dipper shook his head. “Does it show you like, the past of different dimensions or something?”

“Exactly..?” Ford said, trying to check his mind on what to do. “J-just I haven’t figured out how to change it. The machine just landed on this..!” He tried his hardest to stop the screams from his totally not gigantic ego.

”That doesn’t answer why William is on the table…” 

“I wanted to do more testing on him and his DNA!” Not technically a lie…

”Oh! I’ll leave you to it then.” Dip said before awkwardly walking back up the stairs and through the door.

The gray-haired scientist sighed in relief. Now what’s going on in your head, Cipher?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill watched the static.

HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH, BILL?

Univ asked. 

“I… I’d like to not be in the place of pb sduhqwv’ ghdwk, thank you very much.”

”OH, SO EVEN YOU HAVE A LIMIT? WHAT WILL YOU BE WILLING TO DO?

”Actually, just shut the fuck up. I can’t deal with your shit anymore.” Bill says, trying to float away from the patch of static. “You’ve got a lot of nerve, trying to provoke me. Just let. Me. GO!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill suddenly wakes up. “Ha! Take THAT you cwazy bastawd!” He yelled at the ground. He looks up at Ford who had a bucket of popcorn and a cup of tea. “Gweat. I wake up to anothew one…” 

“What was that about” Ford asked, pointing to a screen of some kind. 

“What was what?” 

“I saw your dream, Cipher. What was that?” He repeated.

Bill was silent for a bit. “It was none of youw business.” 

“Then your life is.” Stanford said.

Bill gulped.

Chapter Text

“What do you mean by that?” Bill asked nervously.

”Your life technically is my business. I can either let you live, toss you out, or just let you rot. Even though Mabel and Stanley may have stopped me from torturing you, that doesn’t stop me from just ending you all at once.” Ford said. “So are you going to tell me what that was all about?”

Now that Bill was slightly more used to being human and all, he slipped back into his old narcissistic self and grinned. “What’we you tawking about, IQ? I bawewy know what I did myself! Aww that I know is that Univ’s a bastawd who was trying to gaswight me into thinking that I did something wwong!”

”And did you?”

”No! Ugh. You’we just wike Univ and that fucking sawamander.” Bill rolled his eyes.

”What ‘salamander’ are you talking about?” Ford asked, surprised. Is Cipher losing more of his mind?

“A good fow nothing wizawd who I thought I could caww to, but betwayed me wike so many others,” The child scoffed. 

“Are you saying ‘Wizard’ or ‘lizard?’ It’s hard to understand you with your sudden speech impediment.” The man in glasses said, half teasing and half serious.

”Fuck you. But I mean the second one.” 

Strange, Ford thought. He kept prying. “On the topic of your rhotacism, when did this develop?”

”When did you stop cawing about youw experiments and start thinking about that, genius?” Bill asked sarcastically.

”It was one of the things I had mentally noted when you first spoke.” 

“It appeawed when I got hewe in this stupid meat suit and I hate it.”

Ford started to write something in his journal. “And?” He asked expecting more.

”No! That’s that! It came with the body! I’m not abwe to change it!” Billy said, irritated.

A device nearby beeped, scaring the boy. 

“EEK!” He squeaked.

”HA!” The man said as he walked over to it and pressed a button, causing a vial of red liquid with flecks of neon light blue to come out of a hidden compartment and the monitor next to it to turn on “Strange. I didn’t see these flecks of blue in it before…” He read the charts on the computer. 

“What’s that?” Bill wondered.

”Your blood test.” Ford replied.

”Wait… Human bwood is owiginawwy bwue but tuwns wed whiwe in oxygen, so why’s thewe stiww bwue bwood? Do I stiww have a bit of my own bwood?” The former triangle questioned, making a scientific statement about blood sound innocent.

”Maybe.” Ford shrugged it off casually.

What he doesn’t know is that that’s just the beginning. He didn’t want Cipher to know about the blue fire. Stanford copied down what he had learned from the blood test in his journal. 

“So awe you gonna teww me the wesuwts?”

”I… I’ll tell you in due time.” He said.

”YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!” Bill screeched.

Ford started studying the results to drown out the high-pitched screams of the child. There were traces of human blood of course, but that was surprisingly not the most of it. The main thing that makes up the blood was blood from the ‘Euclidian’ species, a seemingly extinct species. What is it doing in the blood of a human child? Especially in the human body of Bill. He did some research and found that there were no known sightings of Euclidians. He didn’t even know what they looked like. Great. Ford was starting to get frustrated. He was usually good at figuring things out, this was a struggle he had barely had. His ego didn’t want to have to, but his curiosity had to ask. He turned around to see Bill already gone and a stack of books next to the now open door.

”Dammit.” He muttered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill got out of the basement as fast as he could. He’s the bad kind of crazy.

The kid went up to the attic and shut the door. He peeped through the keyhole to check if Ford was on his tail. When he realized that he wasn’t, Bill sighed in relief and slid down with his back against the door. When he opened his eyes he saw Shooting Star sitting on the bed with snacks, knitting a new pink sweater. A smaller yellow one sat on the bed beside her with black leggings and a white shirt.

”Where’ve you been? I left to get snacks and you disappeared!” Mabel exclaimed.

”Youw gwunkwe went the bad kind of absowutewy nuts then twied to suwgewy on me again. And he looked thwough my bwain. And he tested my bwood without showing me the wesuwts.” He huffed.

”So he tested on you like a science experiment even though me and Grunkle Stan told him not to?!” She asked, slightly irritated. “Billy, stay here and try on those clothes. I’ll be back in a bit. I’m just gonna talk to Grunkle Ford!” 

She walked out of the room, leaving Bill unsupervised. He plopped down onto the bed and looked at the clothes Mabel left for him. The sweater was yellow with a golden upside down triangle on it and the leggings were black and had a blue and red star pattern on it. It made him feel a bit queasy, but he didn’t know why. The white shirt had the design of a blue flame. That was kind of cool at least. He took off the super oversized sweater he was already wearing and saw the bandage and name tag. He ripped off the tag. Of course Ax put that shitty thing on me. Fuck him. He thought. When the tag came off, so did a piece of the bandage. It started to unravel to reveal the large, straight, stitched up and scabbed over cut where Ford had preformed rib surgery. He was wondering why it hurt to move there. At least the pain was more bearable than when he first lost his eye. He put on the shirt, liking the design. The sweater went on next. He took off his pants and saw that he luckily had underwear, but what was in it wasn’t what he was used to. What the hell is that??? Bill wondered. Everyone else he had possessed had a different… Part. He stopped looking at covered it back up. The former demon put on the black pants, pushed that thought far, far, away, and tried to think about other things.

HEY AGAIN, BILLY

”Ughhh… Not you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mabel knocked on the door to the basement/the lab. “Grunkle Ford? I know you’re in there! Can you open the door?” She asked.

The door swung open to reveal Ford. He looked a bit beat up, he had a burn mark on his face, and he had an ink splatter next to his mouth.

”Are… You okay?” The girl asked.

”Of course! Why the question?” Stanford wondered.

“You got a little burn riiiigght there,” Mabel pointed out. “And ink riiight there.”

He wiped away the stains. “Ah. Well, I’ve been… Busy…”

”With surgery, blood tests, and brain scanning? Grunkle Ford, me and Stan told you not to and you still did it! We trusted you!” She said, a little hurt.

”I- Well- He- Who told you?” 

“Billy did,”

”CIPHER? And you trust him?” 

Mabel sighed. “Grunkle Ford, everyone deserves a second chance. Even if that someone tried to commit genocide and has a long, long, list of inter dimensional crimes. He’s actually kind of pathetically sad to look at. He used to be at the top of the multiverse, we killed him, and now he’s back.” 

“But aren’t you curious about how he got back?” The scientist asked.

”I have a pretty solid plan, actually, thank you very much,” Mabel said, surprising Ford. “I gain his trust and he’ll tell me how.”

”Fine. But don’t get attached. Remember,  we’re only here for the summer and then you’ll be off to California while Stan and I go back onto the open water. We might have to leave Cipher in the woods.” Ford explained.

”I know…” Mabel mumbled. “Just promise me that you won’t kill Billy. Or experiment, torture, or test.”

She watched as her grunkle’s mind whirled a million miles per minute just trying to find a loophole.

He hesitated. “Not even check ups to see if he healed?”

It was Mabel’s turn to think. “I… Fine. But they have to be supervised by either me, Stan, or both of us.” She said. “Also, Billy said that you have a sample of his blood with test results? I’d like to see that, please.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dipper and Pacifica plopped down on the floor of the living room.

”Your family doesn’t seem to like me that much, except for Mabel of course.” Paz commented.

Dipper looked at her and smiled. “They just need time, okay?” 

“Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. I’m usually used to the latter.” She said.

“Well, what ever happens, I’ll always be there for you.” He said, looking at her lovingly.

Pacifica’s eyes shone with adoration before resting her head on her boyfriend’s shoulder. Boyfriend… The thought still made her giggle. Sure, she’s had admirers of hers before, but she’d never actually experienced… This..! The closest word she could even find in her private-school brain to what she was feeling was infatuation. She nestled her head deeper into Dipper’s neck. Mason gently let his head droop to be on top of hers. He kissed the top of her head. 

“Love you.” He muttered before drifting to sleep. 

It was Paz’s turn to blush. Our second time we said that we love each other..! She felt elated, but it wasn’t soon before she joined her lover in a peaceful slumber.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stan had forgotten that it was a Monday. God, he hated Mondays. There were barely any tourists and everyone from town had already seen everything or were busy with their own jobs. He decided to screw it and close early. What the fake blonde had said got to him. It was probably the only thing that let her stay. If she hadn’t told him that she was kicked out, he might’ve sent her back to her mansion. She’s even younger than me when I was kicked out. He thought, bitterly smiling. If I hadn’t let her stay, she might’ve met the same fate as me. A pathetic lowlife desperate for anything that’ll numb the pain. He changed out of his ‘Mr. Mystery’ outfit, which he was surprised that it still fit as it’s been two years since he’d worn it. Stanley walked into the living room, seeing his great nephew and the rich blonde sleeping with each other peacefully.

”What the…” He asked nobody in particular except himself. 

He decided to ignore it and instead sat in the recliner and turned on the tv to The Duchess Approves. It was probably his favorite movie. Even more than The Duck-tective Movie. That reminded him… He pulled out the ‘smartphone’ that the kiddos had gotten him for his birthday and went onto the website, archiveofourown.org and checked up on his ‘fanfiction’ he wrote, The Duke’s Temptation at Oglebottom Estate. He originally just searched up The Duchess Approves on Google to see any more content and the next thing he knew, he was sucked into fanfic. His account name was #1Duchess_ApprovesFan and to his surprise, he had fans. They waited, some patient and some not so patient, for a new chapter. Almost like a cult. It was only 6 chapters so far, but already 1,694 people clicked and 507 people gave him kudos. Whatever that meant. One person was there since the beginning. The user, StuckInTherapy_3 was his first non-guest kudos and the first to comment. They typed, 

“FIC IS GUd WOOD LYK MOR SOON”

Stan never thought that he could experience such joy from a stranger who wasn’t giving him money. He started to talk to StuckInTherapy_3 on ‘X’ and chatted about headcanons while high. At least, Stan was high. He wasn’t sure about SIT_3. The old conman watched his movie and fell asleep. Not because he thought it was boring, because he started to wonder what the fuck he was going to add next for his fic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why the fuck awe you back?” Billy asked the disembodied voice.

BILLY, I’M JUST HERE TO CHAT.

”No you awen’t. Stop twying to towtuwe me, it didn’t wowk the fiwst time, it’s not gunna wowk the second time.” He accused, annoyed.

IN MY DEFENSE, I WAS USING YOUR METHOD! YOU KNOW, TORTURE THE INFORMATION OUT? Univ argued.

”UUUUUGGGHHHHH! I don’t wanna deaw with you..!” Bill said is a singsong voice. “If you’we gonna be hewe, who awe you? Wike, actuawwy. Awe you Ax?” He continued, irritated as fuck, but slightly more tolerant. 

WHEN I MET YOU, I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME ‘U’

”You towd me to caww you, me?”

NO, ‘U’!

”THAT’S WHAT I SAID! ME!”

THE LETTER U! IMBICILE…

”Oh fuck off, wike you’we smawtew than me, the being who knows aww?” Bill said sarcastically.

I AM.

”Nuh-uh,”

YEAH-HUH,

”Nuh-uh,”

YEAH-HUH

”Nuh-uh!”

YEAH-HUH!

”NUH-UH!”

YEAH FUCKING HUH!

”NUH-TO-THE-FUCK-UH!”

As the author, this is going to take a while… 

Chapter Text

OKAY, WE AREN’T GETTING ANYWHERE WITH THIS.

”I agwee, but I’m stiww smawtew.”

NUH-UH

”Yuh-huh,”

NUH-UH!

”Yuh-huh!”

NU- THIS IS WHAT WE WERE DOING A COUPLE OF MINUTES AGO! WE HAVE TO STOP.

”Fine, but you’we no fun,” Bill said.

YOU ACT SO CHILDISH, NO WONDER AX PUT YOU IN THIS FORM. Univ snarked. BUT YOU NEED TO JUST ACCEPT THAT I’M SMARTER THAN YOU EMOTIONALLY.

”Emotionawwy? HA! I thought we wewe tawking about ACTUAW MENTAW CAPABIWITIES! FeEwInGs don’t mattew in weal wife.” Bill rolled his eye while talking. “Theiw witewawwy just obsticwes in my way! They suck. I. DON’T. NEED. THEM.”

NEED? PREVIOUSLY YOU’VE TOLD PEOPLE THAT YOU DON’T HAVE THEM EXCEPT FOR ‘SILLY GUY’ AND PISSED OFF, OR SOMETHING.

”WHATEVEW! Same thing!” He squeaked.

NO. IT’S NOT. JUST- WERE YOU ALWAYS SO FRUSTRATING?!

”Yeah! It’s my speciawty~” He said, eager to change the subject. “Anyways, are you gonna make me bwack out again?”

WHY DO YOU ASSUME THE WORST? 

“Because you witewawwy AWE the wowst. So just fuck off and weave me awone!” 

HOW ABOUT I THINK ABOUT IT? SIKE! YOU THOUGHT. NAH, I’M NOT GOING TO UNTIL YOU FINALLY REALIZE SOMETHING IMPORTANT ABOUT YOURSELF, YOU IDIOT.

”DON’T CAWW ME AN IDIOT, YOU IDIOT!” 

OH MY AXOLOTL YOU ARE SO FREAKING INFURIATING! WERE YOU ALWAYS LIKE THIS?

”UHM, YAH! WHY WOULDN’T I BE?” He pouted.

AAAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH! YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE. I’M LEAVING FOR A BIT. HAVE FUN BEING STUCK AS A CHILD.

”Wait- You know how to get me back to my owiginaw fowm?!” Bill asked.

YES! I DO, BUT I CAN’T DEAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW., I NEED SOME ALONE TIME!

”UNIV, YOU SON OF A BITCH COME BACK THIS FUCKING INSTANT!” 

Silence.

”Ugh… Fuuuuucccccckkk…” The child groaned. A few more seconds passed before he said, “I miss my computer.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mabel, while I was trying to hold Bill down, the end of his hair turned blue and caught on fire. I’m pretty sure that he still has his powers somewhere, but might not be aware of them. Or they’re hard to access…” Ford told the girl.

”That’s… Weird, but you haven’t shown me the DNA thingy you told me about. I wanna see what his body’s made of.” She said.

Ford brought out a sheet of paper and showed her the results.

76% EUCLYDIAN MATCH

21% HUMAN MATCH

3% UNKNOWN MATTER MATCH

Mabel read it over a few times. “Euclydian?” She asked. “Unknown? What kind of creature even is Bill? I never actually wondered. I just accepted that he was some sort of special dream demon!”

”Well,” Ford started to explain, “I believe a ‘Euclydian’ is Bill’s own species since it makes up more than 50 percent of his DNA. The human part is because of his new form and body, yet the unknown bit puzzles me if I may be honest.” 

“So what happened to the rest of Bill’s species?” She asked.

Ford paused and thought for a moment. “While we were… Lab partners,” The man carefully decided to use the words. “He told me that it was destroyed by a monster of some kind. The kind that would eat me alive. He then proceeded to show me a small speck. It was what was left of his own dimension, or so he told me. He might’ve lied to gain my pity. Or he himself destroyed it for his own sick entertainment.”

Mabel looked up at her great uncle. “But what about his own family? His friends? Why would he just… Destroy them all?” 

“You assume that he wasn’t completely insane? He told me specifically and I quote, ‘Flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams. I liberated my dimension, Stanford, and I’m here to liberate yours.’ He didn’t care for the people of his dimension. Only power and chaos.” Ford informed the teen.

”Huh…” She hummed. Is that what really happened? 

Mabel was left with her thoughts. Until she heard a crash of breaking glass coming from the front yard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dipper’s eyes blinked open, still groggy from sleep. They drifted over to the beautiful blonde on his shoulder, with her makeup smudged and ruined, her eyes slightly puffy from crying, and a small trail of drool falling from her lips. She’s so perfect, He thought as he set his head back onto hers. Why’d she pick me of all people? Even when she had all the money in the world and could be with anyway guy she could ever dream of. She chose me. I’m so lucky I’m hers. He sighed before kissing her forehead and getting up and stretching. He looked over to see Stan sleeping in his reclining armchair. Did he see us? It wasn’t long before Dipper found himself wondering why and when he and Paz started to keep their relationship a secret. 

It was before Weirdmaggedon yet after Grunkle Ford came back. Dipper sighed with a suit in his hand and knocked on the door to the Northwest Mansion with the other. It was opened and he was greeted by a butler with light brown hair.

”Greetings sir, what brings you to the House of Northwest?” The butler asked.

”Oh!” The young twelve-year-old began to explain, “I- uh, T-the Northwests lent me this suit for the day of the party, and I-“

”Dipper!” The voice of Pacifica Northwest called, her eyes lighting up as she quickly ran to the door. She was about to hug him, but she remembered where she was. “Uh, ahem, Why are you here?” She asked, curiosity ringing from her voice.

“Pacifica! I just came to return the suit you let me borrow!” He answered before awkwardly chuckling , “ A-and I was wondering i-if you’d like to hang out with me..?” His voice squeaked at the end.

The blonde’s eyes shone before giggling. “Of course we can, doofus! Nathan,” She instructed to the butler. “Let Dipper in whenever, okay?”

Nathan bowed. “Yes Miss Northwest.”

”Thanks Nathan! And it’s okay to call me Pacifica, none of that ‘Northwest’ nonsense.” She told him.

”Yes Miss Pacifica.”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “It’s a start.” She grabbed Dipper’s wrist. “C’mon!”

She started running, the boy being dragged, both of them giggling and laughing. It wasn’t long before they Pacifica’s room. When the door opened, Dipper’s jaw dropped. It was huge. Bookshelves lined two of the four walls, one side was taken over by a large vanity and the other had the door to the closet. In the middle was a grande bed with purple sheets and a canopy.

Dipper laughed in disbelief. “Ha! This is… Insane!” 

Pacifica looked at him with confusion. “This is still the smallest bedroom in the mansion and you’re impressed by this?”

”You should see my bedroom at home!” He told her. “It’s at least half of the size of this. And I share a room with Mabel!”

Pacifica’s eyes widened. “Wow..! I never knew how small poor people’s houses were!”

“And I never knew how big rich people’s egos were until I met you,” Dipper retorted.

“Wow, hurtful much?” She replied sarcastically.

”It was supposed to~” He smirked.

 There was a moment of silence before they erupted in a fit of giggles and laughter.

”Honestly how do you live in this place? It looks so…” Dipper hoped it didn’t sound as bad as he thought it did. “Cold. Compared to you, anyways. When you’re away from your parents, you’re kind of nice, funny, and smarter than what I imagined rich kids were.”

He looked up at Pacifica to see her bright pink. And were those tears?

”You mean it?” She asked, wiping her eyes.

”I-I mean, of course..!” Dipper stuttered. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

She hugged him before quickly letting go and smearing her tears, mascara, and eyeliner on her sleeves. “I’m sorry I look pathetic. Just, that was probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Mason looked into her eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry about. You look pretty like this too. You look… Real.”

”Thanks…” Pacifica blushed.

Dipper blushed as well and looked away.

”Well,” The blonde started. “I… I always admired you. You’re braver than ever yet somehow such a dork. A sweet dork, though. I find you so endearing and you just know how to make me be… The best me. I- Will you…”

”Can I be your boyfriend?” Dipper blurted out.

Paz’s eyes widened as she looked him in the eyes.

”I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt you like that! I- I don’t know what came over me.”

Pacifica broke out into a smile as tears flowed down her face. “I… I’d be honored to have you as my boyfriend.” She hugged him tight.

”Just… Can we keep this from my sister? She tends to… Go overboard.” Mason laughed nervously.

“Don’t worry. We won’t tell my parents either. They… Aren’t the most understanding.” Pacifica responded.

They sat there holding each other for a bit.

”Hey Paz,” Dipper asked. “When I leave for the school year, can you promise to me that you’ll call every other day or every week? S-sorry if I’m clingy…”

”Of course!” Pacifica replied. “I’d miss you. I’ll try and call every other week.”

As the flashback ended, he sighed before sitting back down beside his lover, enjoying the quiet, domestic moment. Then a crash from the attic interrupted the peace, waking both the boy’s girlfriend and great uncle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill couldn't move. Everything hurt even more than it used to. What the hell? Doesn't jumping out of windows kill humans? Bill thought, lying on the grass surrounded by shards of glass. Soon, the fleshsacks came out and all crowded around him, asking generic human lines, like, “Are you okay?” “Why did you do that?” “Are you hurt?” That sort of crap. The triangle-turned-child would've stood up and brushed everyone off, but he couldn't even move. He was barely able to blink. He felt those disgusting tears fall from his eyes again, but his senses were all dulled. He knew that the Stan twins were probably picking him up to take him back to that horrendous lab, but he sort of wished he was just left out on the floor to bleed. Humans die of blood loss too, right? Hasn’t he lost enough blood in the less-than-24-hours he’s been there? Bill didn’t know. 10 gallons maybe? He just knew he wanted out of this meat-prison. He would actually want death more than this agony of bones, flesh, blood, and tears. Suddenly, he saw a bright light from the sky beaming down on him and he felt a thud as the old men dropped him to the floor. A warmth spread over him from the golden light and he felt his body healing. Then, a voice. One he was all too familiar with.

”Bill,” The pink reptilian said as it hovered over him.

”Wha’ do you want?” Bill mumbled before jumping slightly at the fact he was able to speak again.

”You’ve attempted to die,” The Axolotl said calmly, his black beady eyes unblinking.“That’s twice my deal you’ve tried defied.”

”Wait,” Stanley interrupted. “Who the flying french fry are you?”

”Yes, I’d like that question answered as well…” The other half said as he reached for his gun.

“I am the Axolotl, forever and eternal. I am the god of life if you must, please grant me your trust. I am the one who put Bill in this body. I realize seeing him like this may be a bit of an oddity, but this is the only way. He must learn at the end of the day,” Ax explained.

With a swirl of sparkles, the Axolotl gave himself a human form. He had long white hair, a pink and white suit, and skin the color of strawberry ice cream dotted with freckles.

”Sorry.” Ax said. “I felt like a human form would be better to communicate. You see, my semi-true version of me has to rhyme. It gets a bit difficult coming up with ways to rhyme things, you know?”

He extended a hand. “Hello Stanford Pines.” Ford shook it before the Axolotl stuck his hand out to Stan.

“Nice to meet you, Stanley.” Stan smacked his hand away.

Unfazed, the man continued. “I look forward to talking more with you both later. I apologize that our first meeting is under such solemn circumstances. I wish it could’ve been on a more pleasant occasion, but Billy here, decided he wanted to be difficult.”

Bill weakly lifted his arm and raised his middle finger at Ax.

”Wait wait wait, what do you mean you ‘put him in this body?’” Dipper asked.

”Ah yes, Mason,” The Axolotl replied. It unnerved Dipper that he knew his name.

”The kid’s named Mason?” Stan whispered to Ford.

Ford elbowed him.

”You are the only one who isn’t informed. This body here,” He gestured to Bill, “Is none other than Bill Cipher.”

Dipper’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped in shock. “WHAT?! I-I THOUGHT WE KILLED HIM? THIS IS HIM? I-I DON’T BELIEVE-“

”Shaddup, kid…” Bill groaned. “Ax did you fucking send Univ to keep one of your ’eyes’ on me like a dick?” He asked.

Ax just stared at Bill with a concerned look in his eyes. “Bill, whatever do you mean? Have you gone mad even further?”

Bill sputtered. “Whuh- WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT, HUH? BECAUSE I JUMPED OUTTA A WINDOW OR ‘CAUSE I’M HEARING VOICES?” The child yelled.

The axolotl only blinked a couple of times. “Frankly, I think it’s a mix of the two that’s convinced me that your mental state is deteriorating.”

Bill grumbled. “You fucking lizard, that was rhetorical!” The child sighed. “Anyways, Univ is real. I don’t know if only I can hear him or something, but he’s real. I’m not the type to have imaginary friends, let alone real ones. You know this, Scales. Now, can ya put me down?”

Mildly surprised at Bill’s rationality, the Axolotl obliged and set the kid on his feet. “And where is your evidence, Bill?” He kindly asked.

”If you must know, Frills, I bet you can feel magical signatures and all that crap. That means, if I somehow call Univ over, you’d be able to detect it.” Bill explained. “That’d at least convince you enough that I’m not completely off my rocker.”

”Hey, don’t you guys think you forgot that I’m the only one shocked about the fact that this small 6-year-old is Bill? Why isn’t anyone else surprised?” He asked, demanding answers with his girlfriend nodding along. “A-And what happened to his weird speech impediment thing, huh? Was that also all an act?”

“Yes, it’s almost like I want to be in this disgusting bag of bones. Especially of this age.” Bill replied sarcastically.

The boy eyed him. “Then what’s this all for? And what about your lisp thing?”

”I sense your distrust in Billy,” Said the Axolotl, “But I can assure you this is no trick nor deception. Now, I want Bill’s consent in this because it’s his choice.”

The divine creature looked down at the former demon, waiting for his approval. Sighing, Bill waved.

”Fine, whatever. It’s not like my dignity could sink any lower.” Bill complied.

Frills nodded and started to explain. “When Stanley killed Bill, he summoned me to bring him back.” 

There was a gasp among the Pines’. 

“Knew it, the kid said somethin’ weird in my brain when I punched him,” The Stan mentioned said.

Ford sputtered. “Wha- Why didn’t you say anything? That could’ve- You know what? Never mind. We’re getting a full report of what Bill was doing. My apologies, O great Axolotl, please continue.”

The Axolotl looked at Ford strangely before muttering, “Ah, I see how Bill fell for you. All the flattery and whatnot.” 

All eyes fell to Ford as his face went red. Before anyone could say anything else, Frills continued. 

“Sorry about that, but you may call me The Axolotl. Ax is also okay. As I was saying before, when Bill contacted me, he was asking to be brought back to life. What he didn’t know, was that he would be put in my special project: the Theraprism. It’s sort of like therapy for truly messed up deities such as Cipher, here.”

Bill spoke up. “It was actually if prison was more torturous and less violent. And if all the police officers were hell bent on making you ‘better individuals.’ I’d honestly prefer actual prison or hell over that place.”

”Bill, please. You contacted me instead of accepting death, meaning you were scared of dying.” Said the lizard. “Continuing, and I’d hope for no more interruptions, Bill was in the Theraprism for slightly less than two billion millennia, although for you it was less than 2 years. I sent him down because he wasn’t making any progress. Since he already acted like a human child and was about the height of one, I figured he’d make himself at home here in this powerless body. That’s all the truth. Do we have any questions?” He asked.

Mabel’s hand automatically shot up. “What did you mean by Bill falling for Grunkle Ford?” She asked with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

Ford sighed simultaneously with Bill.

“Of course that’s the question.” Ford grumbled.

Bill grinned a bit when he realized how embarrassed Ford was. At least I could get back at him this way… Bill thought.

”Well Shooting Star, when we first met Fordsy was all like, ‘My muse, my everything, blah blah blah,’ and one could only have so much flattery before ya just fu-”

”That’s enough, Bill!” Ford interrupted. “These are children. And I- You shouldn’t tell them everything about our… History.” The man said, exasperated.

Stan sat there staring at his brother in shock. “You fucked the triangle?!” He exclaimed.

“IT WAS COMPLICATED. Can we please not talk about this anymore?” The triangle fucker asked.

“Geez, who would’ve thought that Mr. ‘I have standards, unlike you, Stan’ would one day lose his virginity to a triangle.” Stan said. 

Dipper gagged. “I think I’m gonna be sick…” 

And all Bill did was watch the chaos with a smile as the Axolotl looked at him with concern.