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Noah had thought many times about what Mio meant to him, what he felt for her.
She was his enemy. An equal opponent he couldn't defeat. Then, unexpectedly, she became his ally. The person he tried to survive with. The friend he could rely on. The person he suddenly became afraid of losing, the one he risked his life for. The person he started a new, peaceful life with. ... His lover. The mother of his child. Mio played so many roles in his life, was so important to him, that when she was gone, the void that was left could not be filled with anything, even though he was not alone.
His deal with Z finally closed the matter, the moment Noah stopped being Noah and became N. Mio meant everything to him.
He loved her more than anything else that had ever made him feel anything, even more than himself, because he had sacrificed himself, taken on a heavy burden for her, hadn't he? And their love was supposed to be eternal and unchanging, like everything else in their new life.
Of course, it was more complicated than it initially seemed to Noah, who had only 10 measly terms under his belt. It didn't take N long to realize what exactly he felt for his new brethren: contempt. It seemed like he wasn't the one to judge, but at least he had a reason more compelling than a lust for power, or violence, or fear of his own death, or plain stupidity... right? He had all the time in the world to ask himself one more question: did he really not fit in with this crowd?
M never reproached him for what he had done, they never discussed what had happened with the City, and they never would, but he knew perfectly well how much it had hurt her. And behind all his great love, at some point, one nasty, selfish thought flashed for the first time: how much she loved him, if after everything he had done, she had swallowed it and stayed on his side. She could have refused to serve Z, but she didn't, and now her hands were covered in soldiers’ blood, like everyone else’s.
And it was so nice to test her feelings time after time, to see how she gave in because she loved him and he was everything to her, be it another bloody job from Z, or N’s personal initiatives, or how she could not refuse him when he came to her bedroom at night. Actually, it didn't matter to Moebius whether it was day or night, but in the dark it was easier to put aside all the complexity of what was between them, not to look into each other's eyes, leaving only the simplest.
Of course, he made up excuses for himself, he could justify any of his actions, but deep down he knew what these excuses were worth. He knew that he was no better than the others. But who cares, he got what his heart desired.
It was all pleasant until M retreated somewhere inside herself so far that there was almost nothing alive left in her. N hoped that she would come to her senses, recover from the shock, but this never happened. Over time, they stopped having sex, because it became unbearable: when the woman who was everything to him, everything he had left, was just waiting for him to finish and leave her alone.
He had never known before that it was possible to be so angry with someone he loved. Sometimes something dark rose from the depths and bared its teeth: you lost everything so that she would be alive, and what is she doing? She promised to be with you forever, and where is she? She knows that you did it only for her sake, and she dares to punish you for it like this? As if you are not feeling bad enough? As if she... does not love you anymore? Usually he managed to restrain himself, and he was calm and patient with her, as with a capricious child. But sometimes he lost his temper. He said something harsh, waved away her suggestions, sometimes he kissed her, knowing that she did not want it. But he never went further: she always reacted with the same sad, cold detachment, and this always hurt him.
He had never known before that it was possible to miss someone so much, who was right there, next to him, at arm’s length. And ahead of him was a terribly lonely eternity.
But N never doubted that he had done everything right. Because the thought of her dying was still worse than anything he could imagine. No matter how bad he felt, as long as M continued to live.
That day was one of those when N was not in the mood. How angry he was with her.
He appeared right behind her. M was standing on one of the balconies of the castle, alone, looking down at the sea. It was a dismal sight — the evening was overcast, and the waves seemed leaden-gray. The cold damp wind in his face made him shiver. M flinched, hearing him. Strange. He came up and stood next to her, leaning on the railing.
“They could have killed you if I hadn't intervened.”
M continued to look somewhere down and say nothing.
“Those two could have even killed me,” it was unpleasant to admit, but... they both understood it anyway, “and by that time, you were already exhausted. You would have been next.”
"And now I owe my salvation not even to you, but to the insufferable little brat with her staff," he thought, but did not voice it.
Silence. N sighed. “Next time, you will be in the rear, and you will not engage in direct combat unless necessary.”
“As you wish.”
Tensely. As if she was angry with him. What was wrong again? He felt bile rising in his throat.
“Well, they are behind bars, where they belong, problem solved. Perhaps I deserve a kiss from my beautiful lady for risking my eternal life?” the words spoken were dripping with sarcasm. They both knew perfectly well that he did not deserve anything. He knew that she would simply look at him silently and...
“Sure.”
N turned his entire body to her and stared at her in amazement. Something flickered in her face, but it wasn't irritated, or disgusted, or anything like that... And then M closed her eyes.
N blinked. All his anger vanished. Had he just imagined the invitation? Or was she really in the mood for the first time in... some part of eternity? There was only one way to find out.
Mio froze in anticipation. Why did he react like that? Had she done something wrong? Her heart was pounding somewhere in her throat. If she screwed up on the very first day... How she scolded herself for not having looked through M's memories about their intimate life. She had put it off until the evening, so that she could at least come to her senses a little before seeing what she expected to see there. She hadn't expected to need this information so soon!
Panic had completely pushed the awareness of what was about to happen out of her head.
And then her face was gently cupped in someone else's hands, and someone else's lips were pressed against her own, cutting off her thoughts mid-sentence.
For some reason, she felt like N would be rough to her. Considering how arrogant and evil he was, considering how M had chosen death over eternal life with him… But there was nothing rough about what he was doing. It was the most affectionate thing anyone had ever done to her in her entire life.
His touch was soft and careful. His hands were warm. And he smelled like her Noah. Her sensitive sense of smell told her that the man standing next to her was Noah. Maybe pretending it was him would make it easier to act naturally, Mio thought. And it would be easier to pretend if she didn't have to touch him, because Noah didn't wear armour like that, and he didn't wear his hair loose. So, she braced her palms on the railing of the balcony behind her.
Just as his hands moved up to her ears, gently brushing the sensitive skin in front of them, rubbing the tips between his fingers. Mio inhaled deeply between kisses. It wasn’t that hard to imagine Noah in his place, surely Noah would be just as gentle. And without realizing it, she leaned into his touch.
The kiss suddenly broke. Mio felt his forehead press against hers.
“I can’t now,” the voice said quietly and excitedly , deeper and rougher than her Noah’s, breaking the illusion. “Z gave me some errands; I’ll be gone for… maybe a few days. But then I’ll come to you.” His lips lightly touched the tip of her nose, such a sweet and simple gesture that didn't fit with N's image at all, and then Mio heard the characteristic sound of teleportation, a barely audible quiet ringing, and opened her eyes. There was no one else on the balcony except her.
N stood on the shore of some random island in the sea and looked at the waves crushing against the rocks, but he could not see anything. He still could not calm down; his face was burning. The image of M was in front of his eyes, and there was nothing more beautiful in the world.
All that occupied him was the question of what was the reason. Just yesterday, there were no signs of change. The first unusual thing that had happened today was M's desire to deal with Ouroboros on her own. But otherwise, she was the same as she had been for... how many hundreds of years. If Ouroboros had not figured out how to detect her presence, she would have played with them like a cat with a mouse until they killed each other, slowly and painfully. As far as he knew, M never enjoyed her own cold cruelty, but sometimes she could be even more frightening than outright monsters like D or X.
Maybe she was really pleased with him? But he was not really up to par. If it weren't for X, he would be dead for sure. And none of his successes in protecting the Eternal Now had ever impressed M in a good way, to be honest. They didn't mean much to him either.
And he couldn't help but notice some oddities, no matter how engrossed he was in the process. She wasn't looking at him, wasn't touching him. That was unusual.
But whatever the reason, the thought of M leaning into his touch, kissing him back, maybe accepting everything else he could give her, excited him as if it were the first time. Maybe even more so, because he already knew how good it could be with her... better than he had felt in a long time.
Mio sat on the bed in one of the rooms of the castle, which was considered her room. This room had almost no trace of M: white walls, a neatly made bed, a small table and chair, an etheric lamp on the table. All that distinguished this room from any other room in the castle was the flute, the notebook where M wrote down the notes of different melodies that she came up with or picked out, and a photo with a burnt edge lying in the drawer. In the photo were M herself, N and their newborn son.
It could have been Mio and Noah, no one would notice the difference. Perhaps this is what their child would look like...
Mio put the photo back and closed the drawer. Now she needed to focus on the matter at hand: looking through those very memories of M. At least selectively. If she had to have sex with N, it was important to pretend to be M in a believable way. She tried to think of it as another task that she just had to complete and not screw up.
The first memory she chose was of their first kiss.
They are sitting on a fallen tree at the edge of a cliff, among the pine trees, the river below sparkling in the sun. The pine trees are swaying in the wind, rustling and creaking, the sunlight is shining through everything. Noah — at this moment in time, he is still Noah — is very close to her, shoulder to shoulder. They are both wearing City clothes, olive green. The wind blows his hair escaped from the ponytail, and he squints in the sun. His fingers gently lie on top of her hand, he looks at her with a familiar soft smile, and a little shyly.
“I wish this day would never end,” he says dreamily.
And she reaches out to him first, kissing him a little awkwardly on the lips. However, he quickly takes the initiative.
Mio couldn’t help but smile.
With some embarrassment, but not without curiosity, she looked through the other memories. First sex, which was more awkward than memorable. Several memories of sex not-the-first-time, which made her feel a little hot. Several memories of what had happened between them as Moebius, when at first their lovemaking became harder and more desperate, as if they were both trying to express their feelings in this way, which they could not simply talk about with each other. And then it became… one-sided. And then…
Mio sat on the bed, staring at the wall. That was why he had reacted like that. Because M would not have responded to him like that. Because M would have let him kiss her, of course, if he had insisted, but without enthusiasm. And he would not have promised to come to M later, because he knew that M did not want him. But what should she do now? Feign indifference? Say: “Sorry, N, I changed my mind”? Accept what was happening? What?
She nervously picked up M's flute from the table and clutched it in her hand. The familiar feel of the smooth varnished wood under her fingers was soothing. M was not an off-seer, but she had learned to play it herself after her transformation. Mio opened her notebook to a random page and began to quietly play the melody written on it. The melody was different from the one played over the dead, but no less sad.
N finally finished all the tedious work Z had dumped on him and requested M's coordinates via Origin. Moebius' location was no secret and could not be hidden; although it was not customary for them to interfere in others’ affairs and show up unannounced, there was no need to warn M. However, her location was interesting. What was she doing near the prison cells?
He teleported a little further away so that he could not be heard, and saw M peeking around the corner into the corridor where Ouroboros' cell was. The boy, as usual, was pounding the bars with his fists and shouting something into the void. N approached M. She shuddered and turned around at the sound of footsteps.
Her eyes were tear-stained.
"What... Were you crying? What made you so upset?" he stared hard at her. M blushed. M looked away.
N took her by the elbow and led her away from the cells, practically dragging her along. She resisted for a moment, but then complied. When they were far enough away that no one could hear them, not even Mio with her sensitive hearing, he stopped and turned M towards him: “Tell me what's wrong.”
M sighed, then spoke reluctantly: “He reminds me of you from the past. I mean, they both remind me of us. ”
“I see,” N paused, collecting his thoughts. This slip of the tongue grated unpleasantly on his ears. “Are you saying that all this makes you nostalgic?”
“Uh… Something like that, yes.”
The conversation was moving in a dangerous direction, they never talked about the past, did not remember what happened BEFORE.
"You shouldn't be here if it makes you think about what makes you sad," he said, and quickly changed the subject: "Tonight?"
She immediately understood what he meant, but hesitated for a few seconds, as if weighing her answer: "...Yes."
He nodded, released her, and the next moment her body disintegrated into particles, disappearing in a whirlwind of sparks, and M left the prison corridor. N followed her example, but went in a different direction.
The room looked like any other room in the castle. It was considered his personal room, but there was nothing of N in it. He had no personal belongings; he didn’t need anything. His eternity was spent working, training, or being with M… or in the company of Z. Oddly enough, Z had a soothing effect on him. He was always absolutely calm, he had answers to all questions, and he did not have the petty passions characteristic of the rest of Moebius. Z was the only one who understood what was going on in N’s soul, what drove him, and Z only welcomed it. Z gave him what he craved. N strove for his bored equanimity, even began to talk in a similar manner over time, but he never found the necessary degree of peace of mind — alas, he wasn’t able to change, like all Moebius.
There was a short period in N's eternal life when he occupied himself with looking after his great-grandson, intrigued by his irrepressible energy. Not everyone was capable of defeating a deity that even Z could not oppose. N felt proud of him (along with guilt towards him). In his soul, there even stirred a kind of hope that not all was lost. But the years passed, Matthew grew old and died, traces of his family were lost, and hope gradually faded.
Well, and when N had absolutely nothing to do, he spent this time in a trance, in a kind of dreamless sleep — one of the abilities of Moebius who did not need real sleep. The room was no better or worse for this than any other place in Aionios, he just got used to it.
One unusual detail in this room was a large floor-length mirror in which he could see himself in full height. N leaned against the wall and looked at his reflection. The reflection stared back thoughtfully. Even anxiously.
He went over everything that had happened in his head once more. M, eager to fight Ouroboros — and Noah. M, who willingly lets herself be kissed, but does not look at him or touch him — who is she thinking about at this moment? M standing in the corridors of the prison and crying, because Noah reminds her of N in the past, or?..
What... who will she think about when... if she allows him...
Somewhere inside, a crack ran.
N usually did not need any other clothing than his armour, but he could summon it with an effort of will. Simply order it to appear from thin air. N touched his temple (not an obligatory gesture, but habitually necessary for concentration) — and from the mirror a man in typical City clothes, inconspicuous and practical, looked at him. He held the lace he had used to tie his hair into a ponytail. He hadn't seen himself like this in so long that he barely recognized himself in the reflection.
But if that's what she wants...
That's not what she wants, something in the depths of his mind countered, and you know it.
His hand slowly reached up to his temple once more, hovered in midair, but still touched his skin.
A ripple ran across his clothes, their outline, composition, and colour changing once more. He was wearing a tight black T-shirt, black pants, and high boots.
The crack inside grew deeper.
At least he had to make sure he wasn't wrong.
He climbed onto the bed, sat cross-legged, and sank into a trance. There were still several hours until dark.
Outside the window of Mio's room, she could see the starry sky and the blackness below, where the sea roared. In the room itself, only a table lamp was burning, creating a cozy semi-darkness. It would have been cozy if Mio had not been so nervous that she was shaking slightly. It was so stupid to expose herself for the second time in a row. To put everything at risk. She barely had time to make up some reason. And she probably missed her last chance to refuse N, because angering him in such circumstances was dangerous. M generally was consistent and predictable, and Mio had to act the same way.
It seemed that surviving this month would be even more difficult than she expected...
The door handle creaked and turned, causing her heart to skip a beat. She expected N to simply teleport here, why would he... Mio abruptly turned from the window to the door and stared at the person who entered. It was… It couldn’t be…
Noah didn’t rush towards her from the door.
‘Noah’ frowned. She didn’t say anything, but he noticed the expression of joy and surprise that flashed across her face, and the way her ears twitched up and then pressed themselves against her head in fear. Of course, it wasn’t difficult for him to read her.
“I see,” N’s voice sounded, and the smile finally disappeared from her face, and everything inside went dead. He slowly crossed the room, approaching her. “So, this is what you want, really.”
Mio just looked at him in panic, unable to squeeze out a word.
“Am I boring you so much that you want another version of me? He’s probably never even kissed yet. How perverted of you.”
“I… I don’t…” she breathed out, blushing. He stood right next to her, and his glare was about to burn a hole in her. She had to think of something urgently.
“You could have just taken him out of that cell for a while and done whatever you wanted with him while I wasn’t around. Or even used him right there, instead of peeking around the corner,” he continued venomously. “What stopped you?”
Never even kissed yet. The memory of their first time could come in handy here. Mio gathered all her will into a fist and said calmly, trying to imitate M’s cold tone:
“But why? You said it yourself, he doesn’t know how to do it. He wouldn’t last even five minutes.”
N paused, considering what she said, then seemed to relax a little — but only a little.
“After all, he’s just a part of me, inexperienced and less fortunate,” he chuckled. “I think I could satisfy your desire better. Should I stay like this?”
In front of Mio stood the man who wanted her dead, who had kept her friends in a cage, the man who had tortured her Noah. And now he seemed to be barely holding himself together, choking on his own pride, although he tried to act casually. But his offer could work in her favour. Perhaps it would be easier for her to relax and act naturally. If it was hard for him, on the contrary... well, he deserved it. After all, Mio and M were one person too, and Mio had learned a lot about being bitter from M's memories.
"Yes, stay like this, Noah. "
Something on his face twitched.
"Smile at me, Noah. "
He forced himself to smile. Nothing in common with the open, kind smile of her Noah. His ‘smile’ was more like a grimace. Then he exhaled, pulling himself together, closed his eyes, took her hand and turned his back to the wall, pulling her with him. Without opening his eyes, he asked: “And how exactly would you like to have me? What is your fantasy?” his fingers intertwined with hers. “Who are you, my Mio, or the Consul, who has graced a poor soldier with her attentions?”
Of course, she had never seen Noah offer himself like this; his tone, his posture, the way his thumb stroked her hand, all of it was overtly seductive. But Noah had never had the chance to try. He could do the same to her. The thought brought a warm, tingling sensation.
Mio leaned closer to him, breathing in his scent, so familiar, so comfortable, so safe.
Mio kissed him. He released her hand and his arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer.
Her hands settled on his waist, her fingers tugging the fabric of his shirt up, just like M had done in one of her memories.
“Yes… undress me,” he whispered, closing his eyes and obediently lifting his hands up. Mio had to rise up on her toes to do it. When the shirt was thrown aside, she leaned towards him again for a kiss, and he flinched at the touch of cold metal on his skin, but hugged her anyway. Mio realized that she was still wearing her silver armour, except for the mask and gloves, — it was so comfortable that she stopped noticing it.
What would M do next? Oh, M could do a lot of things with him, but her skill in such things had not been transferred to Mio along with her memory. But if he did all the work, then he wouldn’t notice the difference. Mio wouldn't act so selfishly... but Consul M with a mere soldier would, why not.
Mio pulled back and touched her temple, causing the armour to disappear. N watched her, his gaze slightly hazed, but not lifeless as usual. Noah might as well have looked at her the same way. No one could tell the difference between them now. And the sight of him shirtless was… pleasing to the eye.
“You said you could satisfy my desires… Go ahead, do it for your Consul, Noah.”
His lips twitched into a smile, and he dropped to one knee in front of her and kissed her hand, looking up at her.
“I’ll do my best for my Lady.”
And then he stood up in a quick motion, scooped her up in his arms, making her squeal in surprise, took a few steps and lowered her onto the bed.
Mio realized two things as he joined her, pressing his naked body against hers, kissing and caressing her, and going down on her.
First, she was more engrossed in what was happening than just the task she had to complete to keep her mission going.
Second, it wouldn't be as hard as she expected.
Then he reached his destination, and her ability to think coherently left her completely.
Mio stood under the shower in her bathroom. It must have been half an hour since he left.
She thought about how, when all this was over, when she and Noah were together again, he would see her memories during the interlink, sooner or later.
It all made sense. She had no choice. Until the moment N lay with her, holding her from behind, after he made her come for the second time, and asked if she wanted more.
There was no excuse at all for her saying ‘yes’, and for everything that happened after that.
There were still 26 long days ahead.
N was standing in front of a large mirror in his room again. He had let his hair down and thrown the lace aside. It didn't help — the face and body of the little brat were reflected in the mirror. N groaned dully, covering his face with his hands. Noah was still standing before his eyes, only not alone, but with M, greedily kissing him, pressing herself against him. Imagination drew him how Noah's fingers were squeezing her soft hips, how he was fucking her and she liked it.
"You smell so good, Noah."
"Ahhh Noaaaah!"
Noah, Noah, Noah, he hated his old name, every time she said it, the cracks inside became more and more, they became deeper, until his whole self began to fall apart.
But he still couldn't tear himself away from her, so sweet, so needy.
He felt dirty from head to toe, and he didn't even want to wash himself, he wanted to rip off his own skin.
He felt aroused again.
He felt the desire to go back to her, curl up in her arms and spend the rest of the night like that.
His fist slammed into the mirror surface, and it exploded into pieces. N slid down the wall.
She had never been so cruel to him before. But existence as Moebius brought out the worst in former people. They were all monsters — including himself, and even M. Perhaps she had finally begun to enjoy it. But either way, M was his monster. He would love her anyway.
Tomorrow he would visit his copy in prison and do everything to make the bastard howl, throw himself at the bars and gnaw at them with his teeth. N wanted him to suffer as he had never suffered before for his miserable life. He hadn't even managed to save his Mio — it was unknown what he had done to deserve M's attention, but he would pay for it.
And after the eclipse... maybe he would visit M again. Then there would be no other versions of Noah — M would have only him. And maybe she would accept him as he was, too. Maybe not right away, but it would happen: she needed him just as much as he needed her. N had an eternity to wait for her to come to terms with it.