Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hi!!

Welcome to my first fic - aka Brooklyn Nine-Nine one shot requests.

As for guidance, my main areas I'm aiming to write about are:

- Rosa-centric
- Dianetti
- Fluff
- Angst
- MAYBE smut/smutty things (?) but it will definitely depend on what your request is...it's possible I won't be comfortable with it! I'll have to fully judge this based on each request, and don't be offended if I decide not to do it
- Mental health

But I will also happily write:
- Rosa/Amy
- Peraltiago
- Rosa/Amy/Jake
- Rosa/Amy/Gina
- And potentially other ships!

As for things I absolutely will not write about, I'm not sure (other than weird stuff like underage, which I absolutely will not do). It will depend on each request. So feel free to request anything, and I'll decide based on each individual request whether I'm happy to write your request or not. I'm also not happy to do crossovers, as this is a B99 fic only, and I don't watch a whole lot of other shows (I prefer movies).

I'll aim to have requests up as quickly as possible, but I do have lots of life commitments and so I have no idea how long realistically it will take me to get stuff published.

Thank you!! Please put your requests in the comments of this chapter.

Chapter Text

When Rosa woke up, there was a cold expanse of mattress between her and Jake. She sat up, knuckling her eyes, and shook her boyfriend awake.

“Jake, do you know where Amy is?” she asked, voice a little gruff.

“Hm? No, no idea,” he said, eyes opening.

Rosa quickly got out of bed, shoving a pair of sweatpants on and going into the living room. Amy was nowhere to be seen, but she could hear retching sounds coming from the bathroom.

“Ames, are you okay?” she asked, knocking on the door.

She was just met with more gagging sounds.

“Babe, I’m coming in,” Rosa said, opening the door.

Amy was kneeling on the floor, hair sticking to her sweaty forehead. Her face was grey and pale, with thick dark rings around her eyes. She was leaning on the cool porcelain of the toilet, head and body throbbing.

“Rosa, I don’t want you to see me like this,” Amy began, coughing.

“Amy, my love, let me help you,” Rosa refuted, kneeling down on the floor next to her and rubbing her back. “This morning sickness is killing you. Let us help you bear it.”

“I don’t look good like this,” she said, whimpering.

“Respectfully, shut up. We’re your partners, of course we’re gonna look after you. And you look beautiful all the time. I’m sure I wasn’t looking my best when I had food poisoning last year, and you didn’t leave my side for a second.”

“Is everything okay?” Jake asked, appearing at the doorway.

“Morning sickness again. Get a cold flannel, a bottle of disinfectant, and stay out the way. It’s your fault there’s a baby in her - I imagine you won’t be her favourite in this scenario,” Rosa commented.

“I mean, we all mutually decided to start trying, but okay, point taken,” he said, backing off.

“It’s okay, Ames. We’re here for you.”

Rosa held Amy’s hair back as she vomited the entire contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl, rubbing her back and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Once she’d stopped retching bile, Rosa flushed the toilet and helped her to brush her teeth. Instructing Jake to clean the bathroom, Rosa helped her girlfriend back to bed, tucking her up. She put a heat pad on her stomach, and helped her to sip some water. The family vomit/popcorn bowl was put on the bedside table, and Amy drifted off to sleep again.

“What should we do?” Jake asked, once him and Rosa had retreated to the couch.

“Just take care of her, I think. She’s having a really rough time, and after how long it took to conceive, I doubt her mental state is the best. I think she just needs us to be here for her.”

“Yeah. I dunno, I feel like I’m not helpful sometimes, ‘cause I don’t understand, y’know, lady things,” he said, making an unclear gesture.

“Jake, give yourself some credit. You always know when to buy me and Ames some chocolate and red wine when we’re on our periods, and you know the types of pads Amy gets and the brand of tampons I prefer. You’re way better at this than 99% of men. But, I can understand your uncertainty. I’m happy to take the reins a bit when it comes to caring for Amy,” Rosa replied, taking his hand and squeezing it.

“Thank you. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

“Of course. Well, I know it’s early, but we’re up, so we might as well start doing stuff. Amy mentioned that she planned on cleaning her bookshelves today, so you could start doing that. Also, it’s your turn to unload the dishwasher, Jacob.”

“I hate the dishwasher,” he grumbled, but got up and started doing it anyway.

While Jake did as he was told, Rosa started tidying the stuff away that had been left out in the living room overnight, putting dirty glasses in the (now empty, thanks to Jake) dishwasher, refolding their many throws, and throwing away their empty beer bottles. As Jake started to clean the bookshelves, Rosa got to work in the kitchen, making Amy’s favourite breakfast for her in the hopes it would cheer her up a little. Once the avocado toast, eggs and bacon was ready, she set it on a tray with a glass of orange juice, a coffee, and a rose in a little bottle. She took it into their bedroom, setting it on their bedside table and kneeling on the floor next to their bed.

“Ames, my love, wake up. I have breakfast for you,” Rosa whispered, stroking hair out of her girlfriend’s face.

Amy mumbled something, rolling onto her back, and her eyes slowly opened.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Rosa said, making her smile.

“Good morning,” Amy replied, stretching.

Rosa kissed her forehead.

“If you don’t feel like eating, I’m not gonna be offended.”

“No, I’m starving, don’t worry,” Amy said, sitting up in bed and yawning.

Rosa set the tray on her lap, and she tucked in eagerly.

“You feeling any better, mi amor?” Rosa asked.

“Definitely. I still feel nauseous, but not like I’m actually about to throw up.”

“Good. Now, I’ll send Jake in the shower while you eat, and then the bathroom’s all yours. Unless you feel too sick to come into work today.”

“No,” Amy answered instantly. “I’m perfectly fine to come into work.”

Rosa raised her eyebrows.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Amy grumbled. “I’m okay, I promise.”

“If you say so. We just worry about you, Ames.”

“I know you do. I appreciate how much you both care.”

**

Later, once they were all hard at work, Jake came back from his lunch break to Amy’s desk on the downstairs floor of the precinct.

“I have a gift for you, Sergeant Santiago,” he said, grinning.

“Oh, Jake, babe. You shouldn’t have,” she said, kissing him softly.

He handed over an adorable little wicker basket lined with pink tissue paper. It was filled with everything Amy could want or need to tackle her morning sickness: strong mints (both chewing gum and boiled mints), a reusable heat pack, tissues, some plain crackers and cookies, some salty mini pretzels, three kinds of soothing herbal tea, a card, some ginger biscuits amd cans of ginger ale (which apparently were supposed to help), some paracetamol, and an adorable reusable water bottle in purple, Amy’s favourite colour.

“I worry sometimes that Rosa helps you way more than me. I’m a guy, so there’s no way I’ll be able to understand you and your problems the way she can. But I hope you know how much I do care about you, Ames. You and Rosa are my whole entire world.”

“Jake, you do an incredible job. Stop doubting yourself,” Amy replied, and she hugged him tightly. “Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it, and I know it’s gonna come in handy.”

“I’m so glad you like it. I love you.”

“I love you too, Jake.”

He kissed her on the forehead, and then went back up to the bullpen. Amy sat down at her desk, smiling at the gift basket. She opened the card that was tucked away in there, tears filling her eyes at the sincerity of the inscription in Jake’s messy scrawl:

Dear Ames,

It hurts my heart to see you in pain like this. I know it’s not much, but I really hope all this helps you, even if it’s just a tiny bit. You deserve the world, and I cannot thank you enough for carrying our baby. I adore you. You’re the (joint) most beautiful person in the world - I am truly a very lucky guy.

Lots of love,

Jake

Amy smiled, hand coming down to touch her belly, despite there being no bump yet. A few of her tears fell at the wonderful thought of the tiny little foetus growing inside her - how loved they were already.

Chapter Text

"Hey, my love. Do you want to go out and get some lunch?" Amy asked, perching on the corner of Rosa's desk.

"I'd love to, honey, but I've already eaten," Rosa said, smiling up at her.

"You have? When?" she said, puzzled.

"I had a big breakfast."

"Oh. Okay."

**

"Honey, what do you want for dinner tonight?" Amy called, rifling through the cupboards.

"Eh. I'm not hungry. You pick," Rosa replied from the couch.

"What? Rosa, you haven't eaten since breakfast."

"Because I'm not hungry."

Amy came into the living room, facing her girlfriend.

"Are you sick?" she asked.

"No."

Rosa squirmed uncomfortably under her gaze.

"Ames, I'm just not hungry tonight," she continued.

"Okay. Fine, okay."

**

Over the next couple of weeks, Amy started a new binder. This was usually one of her favourite activities, but this time, it brought her no joy. She watched her girlfriend carefully, making note as accurately as she could of how much she ate and when, and any other unusual things she noticed. Rosa's hair was starting to fall out far more. She had far less of an interest in sex. She kept forgetting to go to the grocery store. She never baked anything anymore, when usually there were always cookies or muffins in the tin. Once she felt as if she'd gathered enough evidence, she decided that her only option was to confront Rosa.

"Babe, can we talk?" Amy asked, sliding into bed beside Rosa.

"Sure. Is something wrong?"

"Yeah. I think something's really wrong, Rosa."

"Are you breaking up with me?" she asked, voice small.

"No! God, no, of course not…look, I'm gonna ask you a point blank question. Please don't be offended if I'm wrong."

"Okay," she whispered.

"Do you have an eating disorder?"

Rosa stared at her for a second, and then nodded, crumbling into tears.

"Oh, Rosie," Amy said, wrapping her up in her arms.

Amy held her for a while as she cried, and once she managed to stop, she sat up to face her again, eyes red and puffy.

"When I was a teenager, I developed anorexia. I hated my body and the way I looked, and starving myself skinny seemed like it would fix it. My parents found out because I kept collapsing at school, and they sent me away to inpatient treatment. It was the worst thing I've ever gone through. Every day I was sat down at a table and forced to eat, and I was isolated from my family and friends and everybody I loved. That's not how someone gets better from anorexia. I eventually did genuinely get better, through my own hard work, but...I'm not better anymore. Things had been slipping for a while, and I felt myself going back to old habits, but...a couple of months ago I stopped really eating anything."

"Rosa, baby...what's made it come back?"

"Lots of things, I suppose. Pressure at work. Gaining weight. Not feeling good enough for you, or for anyone, really."

"Babe, what on Earth has made you think that you're not good enough for me?"

"Because you're stunning and so fucking smart. I'm not good enough for you, Amy, and I know you know it. I've been in so many relationships, so many, and they've never worked out. It's clearly because I'm not good enough. I'm the common denominator in everything that seems to go wrong around me."

"Rosa, that is not the case, I promise you. You're gorgeous, and you absolutely are good enough for me. You're equally as attractive and intelligent as me."

"I can't lose you, Ames. I'd do anything to keep you," Rosa said, tears spilling again.

"You aren't going to lose me, Rosa. Not ever."

Amy kissed her forehead, holding onto her.

"What are we gonna do?" Rosa asked.

"What do you think is best, Ro?"

"Come on, you're the smart one. I know you've Googled everything there is to Google about this. I don't know what to do or what I want. You tell me what you think is best."

"Okay. Well, you should go to the doctor, just to make sure you're healthy, and we can try and get a meal plan for you. No inpatient treatment. To recover again, you have to want to recover. We could start couples therapy for a bit, to try and get to the bottom of your insecurities."

Rosa nodded.

"I want to get better so badly, Amy," she whispered. "But I don't wanna get better if it means I'm going to lose you."

"Rosa, I promise you, you are not going to lose me. I'm going absolutely nowhere, I promise."

"I gained so much weight in the first few months of our relationship. I had to lose it."

"In truth, I never even noticed that your weight changed, Rosa. It makes zero difference to how I think of you or look at you. None whatsoever - I'm not that shallow. I love you, Rosa."

"I love you too."

They shared a tender kiss.

"Do you want me at the appointment?"

"Yeah, of course I do."

"Okay. I'll call the doctor tomorrow morning, alright?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"I love you. So much."

"I love you too, Amy."

Amy lay down, and Rosa snuggled into her arms, head tucked under her chin.

"Do you still find me hot?" Rosa asked.

"Yes, baby, of course I do. You're gorgeous, and always will be."

"I don't want to tonight, but, do you still want to have sex with me and stuff?"

"Most definitely, babe."

Amy kissed her tenderly, and flicked off the lamp.

"Get some sleep, sweetheart," she said, kissing Rosa's forehead.

"Goodnight, Ames."

"Goodnight, Rosa."

**

"So, Rosa, what can I help you with today? It says in the notes from when you booked that you're having some problems with eating?" the doctor said.

"Uh, yeah. Um. It'll say somewhere on my records, but I had anorexia when I was a teenager and lately I've been slipping back into old habits."

"Do you know the reasons for this relapse?"

Rosa shifted uncomfortably in her chair, face bright red.

"I don't...I don't wanna talk about that."

"That's okay, " the doctor said, and Amy squeezed her hand. "So, do you have anything specific in mind that I can do for you?"

"Um...Amy?" Rosa said, looking at her girlfriend.

"We were wondering if you could just do some quick checks to make sure she's physically healthy, and then formulate a meal plan for her to follow as she recovers," Amy said.

"I can do all that for you. So, first of all, I'll take your height and weight, and then move on to your blood pressure and heart rate."

Amy watched as Rosa shakily stepped on the scale, looking away.

"Don't tell me what it says," she said.

"I won't, don't worry," the doctor replied.

Rosa still seemed on-edge while he took her blood pressure and heart rate (both of which were declared fine), and once the doctor started discussing the meal plan, she became even more anxious.

"Okay, so, if you can write down a list of the meals you enjoy, we can then form it into a plan. Alright?" the doctor said, hanging her a piece of paper.

Rosa nodded, and silently began to write her list. After a few minutes, she handed it to the doctor, who scanned it and sighed.

"Rosa, these options are far too low-carb and low calorie density. What other meals do you enjoy?"

Rosa stared at him blankly.

"She likes lasagne," Amy interjected. "Lasagne, and chicken pot pie, and curry. Carbonara, vegetable casserole, mac and cheese."

"Thank you. They are far more suitable options."

Rosa stayed quiet while the doctor finished writing up the meal plan, leaving Amy to answer her questions. The doctor printed it off for them, putting the pieces of paper in a (poor quality, to Amy) binder. He sent them on their way, and Rosa was still quiet on the subway journey home.

"Okay, so, the meal plan says we need to eat dinner at 7, and it's already 6pm, so we should get to cooking. It says we need to have lasagne tonight. Is that alright?" Amy asked.

"I guess it has to be," Rosa shrugged.

"Okay."

"I'll cook, honey," Rosa said, tucking a lock of Amy's hair behind her ear. "I know how much you hate it."

"Are you sure? I feel bad."

"Don't feel bad. And anyway, I'll feel less anxious once I know what's gone in it. Even though it'll be exactly the same stuff as if you made it, I'd still be less scared."

"Okay. But please don't get in your head about the ingredients."

"I'll try. And I'll even do garlic bread."

"Ugh, I love garlic bread. And while it's in the oven, come and sit at the table with me, I have something I want us to do together."

"I will, honey."

Rosa set to work in the kitchen, trying to calm her nerves by listening to music and staying busy. She had a brief moment of anger when she realised Amy had thrown out the 0 calorie cooking spray, but after taking a minute to calm herself down, she got herself back on track. Once she put the carefully-made lasagne in the oven, she sat down beside her girlfriend at the table.

"Arts and crafts, I see?" Rosa commented, snorting.

"Don't make fun of me!"

"Babe, you know I find your arts and crafts cute."

Amy glared at her for a second, and then softened.

"Anyways. So, I thought we could make a fear food jar for you. And then every day or a few times a week we pick one out and challenge it together."

"Okay. It sounds like it would help me...but it also sounds really fucking scary."

"I know it does. But you want to get better, right?"

"I want to get better," Rosa said determinedly.

"That's my girl."

Rosa smiled at the praise, and then started filling out the tiny strips of paper with her girlfriend.

"I tried, you know," Rosa said while they were working quietly. "I tried to recover on my own. When I gained the weight, I tried to lose it with the gym and protein shakes and eating more fruit and drinking more water. But I just...couldn't do it. It made me feel so fucking weak...and then I stopped really eating. I knew what I was doing, and I knew it was bad, but I couldn't stop. I tried, Amy, I tried so fucking hard, to just force myself to eat like a normal person and not hate myself for it afterwards. But I just couldn't do it on my own."

"Rosie, that doesn't make you weak. Not at all, babe. If anything, it makes you strong. It's hard to ask for help. But I'm here for you, and together, you can do this. And I know the Nine-Nine would all help, too. Even if you don't want to tell them about it, maybe invite them out with you and you can challenge a fear food while you do it. It's a lot less scary when you aren't alone. People will understand you, Rosa."

"I know. I just hate getting sentimental and talking about how I feel."

"You do. But I'm here, and the Nine-Nine are here. There's so many people that love you, Rosa, and we're all here for you."

Rosa smiled, and Amy wiped a stray tear off her girlfriend's face.

"I love you, Amy."

"I love you too."

They shared a soft kiss.

"I'm gonna make a master list of all of these so we can tick them off once we've challenged them," Amy said, pulling out her expensive blue paper.

"Good idea. I think there's gonna be quite a lot of things on this list. Some of them will be challenged on the meal plan anyway. Like lasagne."

"That's good. Two birds with one stone, hm?"

"Yeah. Yeah."

Amy set the table and poured them glasses of wine while Rosa dished up their lasagne, salad and garlic bread. They sat down to eat together, tucking in, and Rosa focused on Amy's helpfully distracting conversation, listening to her witter on about work instead of thinking about all the calories going into her body. Halfway through the meal, she stopped eating, setting down her knife and fork.

"It's okay, Rosa. You can keep going."

"I-I can't, Amy. It's too much. It's too bad..."

Tears started to drip onto Rosa's plate.

"Baby, you can do it, I promise. It's just lasagne. You've eaten it before, and nothing bad happened. If you clean your plate, I'll only be proud of you. Nothing else. I won't leave."

Shaking, Rosa forced the rest of the lasagne into her mouth bite by bite, and once her plate was clean, she leaned back in her chair, head rolling back. She started at the ceiling, forcing her tears to stop.

"I'm so proud of you, Rosa. I know how hard that was. You're so, so, so strong, babe."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Meal by meal, we're gonna fight this, babe. I promise. And every time it will get easier. It's a long road to recovery, but you've made an incredible start."

"I love you, Amy," Rosa said, meeting her eye.

"I love you too, Rosa."

Chapter Text

Jake was sat at his desk, staring blankly at his computer screen. Across the bullpen, Rosa’s eyes kept flickering over to him, and she took in his slouched posture, the dark circles around his eyes, and his clearly subdued expression. Curious, she made her way downstairs to interrogate Amy.

“Hey Sarge,” Rosa said, kicking the side of her desk to get her attention.

“Heyyyy girl, wassup?” Amy said, trying to hide how violently she’d jumped. Despite having been friends for nearly a decade, Amy was still deeply terrified of Rosa.

“What’s wrong with Jake? Has something happened between you two?”

“Huh? Jake’s fine.”

“Has anything weird happened this week? He seems really down.”

“No,” Amy said, puzzled. “We had dinner with my parents last night, ordered pizza on Wednesday, went to the movies on Tuesday-”

“Did something happen when you were with your parents?”

“No, they were pretty normal. They were a little critical of Jake, but they always are, and he doesn’t mind.”

Rosa rolled her eyes, stalking back upstairs, leaving a puzzled Amy at her desk.

“Jake, can I talk to you for a sec?” Rosa asked.

“Sure,” he replied, meeting her stony gaze.

“Somewhere a little more private?”

“Okay. Are you leading me off to somewhere secret to murder me?” he joked, but it just sounded hollow.

“No, dummy. We’re friends.”

Rosa took him out onto the roof, and they sat down opposite each other at one of the little metal tables.

“Something’s off with you. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Seriously, Rosa, everything’s fi-”

Rosa’s stony glare cut him off.

“It’s Amy’s parents,” he said a little hoarsely. “They just treat me like some kind of imbecile. Her dad makes jokes all the time about how I can’t handle anything because I’m a stupid childish loser, and her mom just laughs at me. They clearly think I’m not good enough for Amy, and it’s really upsetting me. One day they’re gonna make her think that too, and she’s gonna leave me and find someone better. It’s clearly what they want to happen.”

Rosa stewed silently for a moment while Jake hurriedly wiped away a couple of stray tears.

“I’m bringing Amy up here right now, and she’s gonna call those fuckers and tell them to back off. You don’t deserve this, Jake, and I’m tired of watching some dickheads destroy your self-esteem.”

“Are you sure that’s the right thing to do?”

“I’m sure. Now wait here.”

Making her way back downstairs, Rosa stormed up to Amy’s desk.

“Come with me,” she barked.

Amy, helpless to obey, followed her up to the roof.

“Jake? Rosa? Guys, what’s going on?”

“Your parents won’t stop insulting Jake, and it’s really getting to him. He doesn’t deserve that. So, you’re gonna call them right now, and tell them to stop being dicks and back off your husband.”

“Jake…I didn’t realise you felt this way,” Amy said, sitting down opposite him and taking his hand. “Rosa’s right, you don’t deserve this at all. Babe, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because they’re your parents and you love them. I didn’t wanna make you feel caught in the middle.”

“Jake, yes, of course I love my parents, but I love you a thousand times more. You’re my husband, and you always come first to me. Okay?”

Jake nodded with a small smile.

“I’m gonna call them right now.”

“Amy, you don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do. You don’t deserve this. And anyway, Rosa will probably quite literally kill me if I don’t,” she joked.

“I will,” Rosa replied firmly.

Pulling out her phone, Amy dialled her dad, setting it to speakerphone and putting it down on the table between her and Jake.

“Hey, Tiger! How are you?” Victor said, answering after two rings.

“Hi, Dad. I need to have a serious talk with you. I’m here with Jake right now, and he’s really upset with the way you and mom keep treating him. He doesn’t deserve to be treated by his wife’s parents like he’s a screw-up. Because he’s not. Jake is an incredible Detective, an amazing husband, and a loyal, caring man. Never for a second has Jake made me feel unwanted or unimportant. But you’re making him feel that way. And that cannot happen, because it isn’t a reflection of how I feel. Jake’s my husband, and I know for a fact that he is here to stay. So stop treating him like trash, Dad. And you can tell that to Mom, as well. Goodbye.”

Amy hung up, and exhaled deeply.

“That felt so good,” she admitted. “But seriously, Jake, I’m so sorry they made you feel like that, and that you felt like you couldn’t tell me. You will always come first to me, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too, Ames.”

“Rosa, thanks for helping us out with this,” Amy said.

“You’re welcome. But if ever this happens again, I’ll-”

“Rip someone into a million pieces, I know,” Amy said fondly. “But it won’t, I promise. Thanks for being such a good friend.”

Rosa nodded, and then went back inside, leaving the couple alone.

“Jake-”

“Ames, it’s okay. It means a lot to me that you confronted them for me.”

“But you were hurting and I had no idea,” she said, eyes filling up with tears.

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry. I feel a lot better now.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

“And do you promise to tell me when stuff - including my friends and family - bother you in the future?”

“I promise, Ames.”

Chapter Text

Lying in bed scrolling through her phone, Gina’s stomach gnawed with pain. She clutched it, groaning, and buried her face in her pillow.

“God, stop being so fucking weak! I need to do this,” she said out loud, clenching her teeth. “It’s only been three fucking days, bitch.”

After a few more minutes of pain she couldn’t distract herself from, Gina got out of bed and went into the bathroom. Hands working frantically, she stripped off her tank top and sweatpants, staring at her body in the mirror. She squeezed the fat on her stomach and thighs, leaving harsh pink imprints where her fingertips had been.

“You’re fucking repulsive,” she spat, staring herself down in the mirror.

I need to lose this weight. I need to lose this weight. I need to lose this weight.

Rosa will leave you if you don’t.

She’s way slimmer than you are. She’s going to leave you.

Bursting into tears, she sat down on the closed toilet lid, bawling. Her head was foggy, her eyesight blurred, and her body weak. She managed to stumble back to bed, and fell into a restless sleep, the stabbing pain in her stomach and ache in her bones waking her frequently.

The next morning at work, no amount of concealer could hide her dark circles, and no amount of 0 calorie energy drinks could hide her lethargy. “Breakfast” had done nothing to help curb her hunger, and she could focus on her work even less than usual. At midday, Rosa texted her, threatening her girlfriend into coming down to Babylon.

“What’s going on, Gines?” she asked, sitting her down.

“Nothing,” she said weakly.

“Come on! You’re acting weird. Is it that stupid diet? I told you it was a bad fucking idea.”

Gina burst into tears, head in her hands.

“No, no, shit, I’m sorry! FUCK, I open my mouth like a fucking idiot, and now you’re upset. I’m sorry, Gina, I didn’t mean it, I swear,” Rosa babbled.

“No, it’s not you,” Gina insisted.

“Then what’s wrong, babe?”

“This diet. I need to do it. I need to lose the weight.”

“What? Gina, you’re perfect. You don’t need to lose any weight at all.”

“Yes, I do! You’re skinnier than I am. You’re gonna realise you’re too good for me and leave to find someone else.”

“Gina, baby, I love you. I have no plans to leave you, not ever. Babe, you’re beautiful. And I mean that. How much you weigh or I weigh is of no consequence to that at all.”

Rosa knelt down in front of her, looking into her weepy and bloodshot eyes. She moved a lock of hair out of her face, tucking it gently behind her ear.

“You need to stop this, honey. It’s unhealthy. More unhealthy for you than any food could be. So, what’s gonna happen is you’re gonna tell Amy and Terry that you’re quitting the diet. I’ll fight them if they give you any shit for it. And then, I’m gonna buy you anything you want to eat. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said with a small smile.

“What do you want to eat, babe?”

“Mac and cheese. Pizza. Chilli. A massive hunk of bread. And a full sugar coke.”

“I’ll get that for you, honey. Now, come on. Time to tell them you’re quitting.”

“Babe, I seriously don’t think I can move without eating anything.”

“Okay. Stay here, I’ll be back in twenty minutes. I know exactly what to get for you.”

“Thank you. I love you, Rosa.”

“I love you too.”

Rosa pressed her lips against Gina’s, smiling, and then left Babylon.

Fifteen minutes later, when Rosa returned, Gina was back in the bullpen, curled up in her desk chair. Rosa set a bag down in front of her, grinning.

“It’s a ‘sloppy Jessica’ - chilli, mac and cheese, tomato sauce, and more cheese on a sub. Plus a can of full sugar Coke, and a big bag of ready salted chips. I know they’re your favourite.”

“God, you angel. I’ll do anything for you.”

“Anything?” Rosa said suggestively.

“Oh, stop being dirty.”

“You love it really.”

“I do,” she admitted, smiling.

“Now, come on. Time to quit on Amy and Terry. You got this.”

“Yeah. I do got this.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, you coming to Shaw's later?” Gina asked, plonking herself down on the corner of Rosa's desk.

“I wasn't going to. Why?”

“Pleeeaaaseeeee, Rosie. It's sooooo boring without you there,” she whined.

“Okay, I'll come then. You happy?” she replied, raising her eyebrows and smiling.

“Yes,” she said, grinning.

Gina stayed sat at Rosa's desk for a while, scrolling through her phone and making conversation with her. Amy watched them subtly from the copy room, curiously observing the nature of their interactions. And Rosa was smiling at Gina, which never happened. Eyes wide, Amy watched as Gina took Rosa's hand, lacing their fingers together and looking deeply into her coffee coloured eyes as they conversed.

“Jake!” she hissed, racing to his desk.

“Hey, Ames,” he said, looking up at her and smiling.

“Have you seen?” she said.

“Seen what?”

“Rosa and Gina! Gina's flirting with Rosa like crazy.”

“What?”

Jake looked over at them, unable to deny what he witnessed.

“Do you know if Gina likes girls?” Amy asked.

“No idea. She's always been very sexually liberated and ambiguous, though. Come to think of it, she sometimes referred to partners in a gender neutral way. Maybe? I don't know, it wouldn't surprise me at all.”

“Do you think they're together?”

“I doubt it. Rosa doesn't seem to initiate any of the flirting - it all appears to be Gina. If it is a relationship, then it seems a bit one-sided.”

“Yeah. True. Do you think Gina likes her?”

“Maybe. Again, it wouldn't surprise me. I don't know. Rosa's a very private person - she'll tell us in her own time. If there's anything to tell, of course. Maybe they've just suddenly become super close friends.”

“Hm. Maybe.”

That night at Shaw’s, Rosa and Gina were sequestered in a booth. Gina was talking Rosa’s ear off, and she actually seemed to be listening.

“Ugh, this is so dead,” Gina complained. “Wanna bounce?”

“Sure. I’ll walk you home.”

“Can you come over? We can watch movies,” she suggested hopefully.

“Okay. That would be fun. Let’s say goodbye to everyone.”

“Nah, they won’t even notice we’re gone. Let’s just go.”

“Okay. After you, Gines.”

Amy watched as the two left the bar, Gina leading and Rosa helplessly following her. She poked Jake in the side, and they shared a knowing grin.

“Sooo, what d’you wanna watch?” Gina asked when they got back to hers, flopping on the couch.

“Anything,” Rosa said, sitting down beside her.

“Anything? Even a cringy romcom?”

“If it would make you happy,” Rosa countered.

“Aww. You softie.”

“Shut up,” Rosa said fondly, rolling her eyes.

Gina flicked through her Netflix for a minute, and then selected a dull heterosexual romance. They watched in silence for the first fifteen minutes, and then Gina shifted towards Rosa.

“Can we cuddle?” she asked.

“Yeah, sure.”

Rosa wrapped her arms around her, holding her close.

“Ro, are you seeing anyone right now?” Gina asked, heart pounding.

“No, I'm not.”

“Good.”

They spent the rest of the movie lying in each other’s arms, Rosa stroking Gina's hair. When the end credits rolled, Rosa broke the comfortable silence.

“I should probably be getting home,” Rosa said, sighing.

“Oh. Okay. Come again soon?”

“Of course.”

They looked at each other for a long few seconds.

“Rosa-”

“I'll see you at work, Gina,” she said, getting up and letting herself out.

She took the stairs two at a time, almost tripping in her haste to get out of Gina's building. She hurried down the street, the crisp night air hitting her flushed body. Once she felt she was a safe distance from Gina's apartment block, she pulled out her phone and called Amy, already beginning to feel tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Hi Rosa, is everything okay? It's late,” Amy said, picking up quickly.

“Hi Amy. Uh, sorry, I didn't know who else to call. Can you talk?”

“Of course. Go ahead, Rosa. What's going on?”

“I have feelings for Gina. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do. She's straight. Literally the number one rule of Sapphic dating is to not fall for straight girls. I don't know what to do,” Rosa said, and began sobbing on the street.

“Oh, Rosa. Well, do you know for a fact she's straight?”

“I mean, she hasn't told me she is. But she's never implied or said outright that she's queer, either.”

“Well…me and Jake had kinda thought that maybe Gina likes you. We were actually wondering if you were already together, just on the down low.”

“Oh. So do you think she maybe could…?”

“I think it's a very real possibility she likes you.”

“But what we have right now is so good. It's nice to have friends, you know? What if she's just being friendly and I fuck everything up by confessing my feelings like an idiot, and then I'm back to being alone again?”

“Rosa, you won't be alone. You have me and Jake, and the rest of the squad. There's so many people that love you. And, yeah, maybe your relationship with Gina right now is really good. But it could be even better. Take the chance, is my advice. But don't kill me if it goes wrong.”

“Okay. I'm gonna tell her how I feel.”

“That's great. When?”

“Tomorrow after work. But if it all goes wrong, can I come over?”

“Of course you can.”

“Thanks Amy. And I'm sorry I just cried on the phone to you like a weak idiot.”

“Rosa, it's fine. I'm here for you. Whatever ya need, girlfriennnddd.”

“Don't call me that,” Rosa said, grimacing.

“Right. Yes. Cringe,” Amy said.

They both laughed.

“Goodnight, Amy. Thank you.”

“Goodnight, Rosa. Any time.”

The next morning at work, Rosa silently put a cup of coffee down on Gina's desk, offering her a small smile. She was a bundle of nerves the entire day, and spent most of the time avoiding Gina as much as she could (the last thing she wanted was a public rejection…yikes). Gina seemed a little upset by her distance, which only spurred Rosa's hope on further, and her heart thudded almost audibly as she worked.

Once work was over, Gina headed straight home. Rosa took a detour to a florist, picking up a gorgeous, enormous, and very Gina bouquet of red roses. She continued on her journey, barely able to breathe as she walked up the stairs to Gina's apartment. It took her a minute to work up the courage to knock on her door, but when she did, Gina answered in only a few seconds.

“Um…hello,” Rosa said, flushing bright red. “This is a long shot, because I literally have no idea if you even like girls or not, but, I have feelings for you, Gina. Wanna go on a date?”

“God, I thought you'd never fucking ask! Of course I'll go on a date with you, Rosa.”

Rosa grinned cheesily, opening her arms, and they hugged tightly. Upon release, Rosa gave her the flowers, and right there, on her apartment landing, Gina pulled her in for a passionate kiss. Rosa's hands found her waist, gripping it and holding her body close. Their lips stayed linked for a while, and when they let go, they both giggled.

“Come inside. You can take me out some other time, but tonight, baby, we're gonna order food, watch movies and make out. Sound good?” Gina proposed.

“That's perfect. Especially the making out part,” Rosa grinned, smacking her ass playfully.

They both giggled, and Gina pulled her inside, kissing her again.

“I'll put these in a vase, Rosie. Go sit on the couch.”

“Okay, Gines.”

After a minute, Gina joined her, sitting down on her lap and kissing her softly. Rosa looped her arms around her waist, smiling, and they kissed again.

“Sooo…what do you, like, label yourself as? Or do you not?” Rosa asked.

“Eh, I'd say I'm a lesbian, but I'm not too attached to any label. I've been with guys and not disliked it, but every girl I've dated I've loved being with.”

“Girls are incredible, I agree.”

“Mhm.”

“I was so nervous to ask you out, in case you weren't gay and it ruined our friendship.”

“Awww, I mean that much to you?”

“You really do, Gin. And why didn't you make the first move? Everyone knows I'm bi, so you had more security than I did.”

“Oh, I don't take people on dates. I get taken on dates. Anyway, I flirted with you, and HARD. You were just oblivious.”

“I was not! I just didn't wanna read into it too much and end up falling for you. Which I did anyways.”

“Oh, sweetie. I'm irresistible.”

Rosa laughed, and they shared another kiss, snuggling down contentedly on the couch.

“God, Gina, you're the best.”

“I know.”

Rosa: she said yes!!
Amy: oh my god yay!! so happy for you two xx
Rosa: thanks Ames

Chapter Text

Captain Holt was working peacefully in his office, answering emails and filling in paperwork. However, halfway through his morning, his desk phone rang, blaring insistently.

“This is Captain Raymond Holt speaking, I can come to the phone right now,” he answered, a little frustrated by this unscheduled intrusion.

“Raymond? It's me, Kevin Cozner. Have you seen?” his husband said.

“Seen what, Kevin?” he replied, great concern in his voice.

“The article. Someone has leaked to the press the fact that you're autistic. I just got an article emailed to me, and it's also addressed to your whole squad. I'm so sorry, Raymond.”

Holt’s whole body went cold. He sat perfectly still in panic, silent.

“Raymond?” Kevin said softly.

“I…I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I spent so many years keeping this hidden from people. A gay black police officer doesn't need anything else barring them from opportunities. I cultivated such a firm persona to hide it all, no matter how excruciating it was…I don't know what I'm supposed to do.”

“Oh, Raymond. We'll figure this out together, I promise.”

“Kevin, I…I have to go.”

“Okay. Please, call me if you need me. Goodbye, Raymond.”

“Goodbye, Kevin.”

Holt put the phone down, and rested his head in his hands. Tears threatened to seep out of the cracks between his fingers, but he bit them back fiercely. He couldn't believe that this was how it got out. Not on his own terms. He was spinning, spinning out of control…

Outside in the bullpen, Jake was scrolling through his inbox, when something strange caught his eye. The subject line was in all caps, and it appeared to be from an anonymous sender.

“Hey Ames? I got this weird email, do you have it too?” he said, clicking on it.

“What does it say?”

“It seems to be some kinda fake slander on Holt. It has the link to an article that's been published - apparently it's been leaked that he has autism.”

“What?? Do you think it's real??”

“No idea. But for Holt's sake, I hope it's not. If he hasn't chosen to make that public, I doubt he wants it to come out like this.”

Amy scanned the article, fists clenching.

“Fuck! God, this is so awful. I wonder if it was Wuntch who went to the press or something?” she asked.

“Probably would be Wuntch. I wonder if he knows. Should we tell him?”

“Squad,” Captain Holt said, appearing at his office door. “Emergency briefing. Five minutes.”

He disappeared immediately, closing the door and leaving the blinds shut.

“Okay, so, I'm assuming he knows,” Jake said.

“Yep. God, I hope he's okay.”

“Yeah. I mean, we'll see what he has to say.”

Five minutes later, the whole squad took up their places in the briefing room, all whispering amongst themselves. Once Captain Holt entered, silence descended on the whole room, and they all looked at him expectantly as he took his place at the lectern.

“Hello, all. I am assuming that, by now, you have all seen the email. I have no idea who it is from, or why, but it is clearly from someone who does not like me all that much. You are my employees, and I trust you. I would like to clarify that what the article says is true: I am autistic. It has been something I have struggled for many years to learn to coexist with, but once I finally reach a far better place where I can cope with life's demands, suddenly I am hit with this. I apologise in advance if I am a little distant for a while. I am not ashamed whatsoever to be autistic. But, it is something that provides me with unique challenges on a day-to-day basis that I can't expect other people to understand. I have lived my entire life ostracised and excluded - gay, black, autistic. I couldn't hide my blackness, and my queerness is an inherent part of me. But my autism? I decided long ago that it was something I would not share with everybody in my life. No good would come of it. But, some things we, unfortunately, cannot control. As my employees, please continue to treat me exactly the same way, and I, as your employer, shall do the same. Thank you.”

Holt left the room, and everyone stayed silent for a minute, a little dumbfounded.

“I wonder if we’ll be able to track down whoever it was who leaked that?” Jake asked.

“Hopefully,” Amy said. “It’s a total breach of privacy and respect.”

“It’s fucking disgusting,” Rosa agreed.

Everyone was too shocked to really speak, so in the end, they all just went back to work after a few moments of silent reflection. However, an hour later, Rosa knocked on Captain Holt’s door, a file in hand.

“Come in,” he called.

Rosa entered, shutting the door behind her.

“Do you need me to sign something, Diaz?” he asked, motioning to the files she was clutching.

“No. I just brought them with me so no one would ask why I was coming in. Can I sit, sir?” she asked softly.

“Of course.”

Rosa sat opposite him, looking down at her hands.

“I wanted to tell you that I’m autistic as well, sir. And I also don’t tell people for, I assume, exactly the same reasons as you. I can only imagine how tough it is for you right now, but…if you want someone to talk to, ever…I’m here. And I understand as well as I think anybody can. It’s really hard, sometimes, to keep going in a world that’s just not built for people like you and me. We need to stick together. So, what I’m saying is, if you ever get really overwhelmed or just need somebody to listen…I’m here for you. If you need to pretend to have a meeting with me so you can just decompress, I’m up for that. I know you dislike any music except classical, but I always keep noise-cancelling headphones in my desk drawer. Just take them if you ever need them. I also have some stress balls on my desk that I find really helpful; you can just take those as well. I’ve always felt like we understood each other. And now, I guess I know why.”

“Thank you, Rosa. I always felt we understood each other also. I’m glad to know I have an ally. I greatly appreciate your support. And as much as I do take pleasure from following rules, I may take you up on the ‘fake meeting’ sometime soon. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I know you’d do exactly the same if our roles were reversed, so. Anyway. Unless you want to talk now, I’ll get back to work.”

“I’m okay, but thank you. We must make sure to look out for each other.”

“Of course.”

“Before you go - does anyone at the precinct know about you?” he asked.

“I think Jake does. He was there one time when someone at the academy spoke to me about it in relation to our training, but he’s never brought it up, so I dunno. I might start telling people, but…it’s hard. I’m sorry you had the luxury of secrecy taken away from you.”

“Thank you, Rosa. You’re dismissed. And, obviously, your secret is safe with me. May I tell Kevin? It is him who informed me of the article’s publication, and it would be a great comfort to him to know I have your support at work.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Thank you. You’re free to leave, Rosa.”

Rosa smiled comfortingly at him, and then left his office. Both felt as though a small weight had been lifted.

Holt knew it would be hard, to just keep going, but he knew he could. He had everybody that mattered on his side, and he knew he always would.

Chapter Text

Around the time Mac turned two, Amy began to grow concerned. She thought she could relax once he hit his milestones, but the last thing she expected was for her son to regress. Every day he seemed even less interested in talking than the previous, to the point where eventually, it wasn't easy to even coax him into saying “Mama” or “Dada”. He developed a strong aversion to eye contact, insistently looking everywhere but at his parents’ faces, even when they desperately tried to meet his eyes. They even noticed his strange way of playing: he would line up all his toys neatly, in an order that seemingly made sense to him, but not to anybody else. He was also unusually clingy to his parents, bursting into tears and gripping onto them when anyone else came near. Amy stayed up until the early hours of the morning pretty much nightly, chugging coffee and passing out at the table with her laptop on. All the signs seemed to be pointing in the same direction: Mac maybe (probably) had autism.

They took him to the doctors anxiously, and after several more follow-up appointments over the span of several months, he was finally given an assessment date. Amy barely slept with worry, and Jake often found her in the middle of the night hovering over Mac as he slept.

“Ames, babe. Come back to bed,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I need to make sure he’s okay,” she replied, voice cracking.

“Amy, my love, this is unhealthy. Come back to bed, alright?”

She let Jake lead her back to their room, and he spooned her from behind under their duvet.

“I don’t want anything to be wrong with him, Jake. I know autism isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I don’t want him to stand out at school and get bullied. I don’t want him to be isolated and lonely and excluded all his life. But what scares me the most is the fact it might not be autism. What if it’s something really serious, like a brain injury? What if I pushed too hard during labour and damaged his brain, or what if he fell and hit his head and we didn’t even realise? Or what if there’s no explanation, and we’re just awful parents who don’t know how to raise a kid?”

“Amy, babe, there is no point in you stressing over this,” he began, Amy turning around to face him and snuggle into his chest. “Maybe Mac is autistic. Maybe he’s not. He has his assessment, and we’ll get an answer, or something to rule out. Maybe there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with him, and he’s actually just going through some kinda stint of unusual behaviour, and he’ll grow out of it. Kids just do things sometimes. And, babe, parenting isn’t an exact science. Sometimes, there is no right or wrong. I’m confident that we’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. You’re an amazing mom, and you need to let go of any guilt you’re feeling, because it’s not needed. You have nothing to feel guilty for, Ames, I promise you. Whatever happens, we’ll get through this, together, as a family. Okay?”

“Okay. God, you always know exactly what to say to make me feel better.”

“Good. I’ve had lots of practice,” he said, smiling.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They shared a kiss, and Amy took a deep breath, closing her eyes, safe in her husband’s arms.

On the day of Mac’s assessment, Amy was a crazy bundle of nerves. She packed and unpacked his bag of toys a hundred times, and Jake had to give her a (very long) pep talk before the three of them set off.

The assessment was three hours long. The doctor asked very thorough questions to the two of them together and individually, sending the other out the room with Mac, and spent a long time playing with Mac, as well as just watching him play on his own. She took very thorough notes, and once the appointment was over, she sent them straight to Mac’s main doctor, giving the three of them an appointment the next week to go over the findings with someone more familiar to them.

Amy was even more nervous as they waited for the results, and she barely slept. Nothing anyone could do would calm her down, and she was restless . On the day of the appointment, the three of them headed there in silence, aside from Mac’s wordless babbling in the backseat.

“Hello, hello, come in,” the doctor said cheerfully, welcoming them to his office. “Why don’t you set Mac down in the corner with the toys so we can talk?”

Amy did so, and then took her seat next to Jake and gripped his hand tightly.

“The assessment has concluded that your son is autistic,” the doctor said, and Amy let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. “He displays strong signs of ASD, and when he’s five or six, it would be a good idea to assess him for ADHD too - the two often go hand in hand. It’ll also be a good idea to keep an eye out for dyslexia or dyscalculia, and other similar disorders. But, your son’s development is not too stunted, and if he continues developing at the same rate, I’m sure he’ll be able to go to school and make friends with other children. We’ll keep an eye on him, though. With autism, there’s a major genetic component, and we often find that autistic children also have an autistic parent. I know neither of you are diagnosed, but has it ever been considered as a possibility for either of you?”

“I don’t have any symptoms,” Amy said. “And anyway, I’ve undergone several psychiatric assessments for work, and nothing’s ever flagged up.”

“Jake, what about you?” the doctor asked.

“Um, well, when I was a kid, I had some difficulty coping with the demands of school and stuff, and I went to therapy with my parents. In the end, it was all just put down to ‘acting out’ and then my parents divorced and that wasn’t a priority. But I dunno, maybe I am autistic? It would certainly explain some stuff.”

“Then that’s definitely an avenue to consider. Do you want some time to think about it, or shall I book you in for an assessment?”

“Book me in, Doc.”

“How about next Wednesday?”

“Yeah, that works.”

After some more discussion about Mac, and Amy being reassured several times that Mac’s speech would redevelop, the three of them went home. That night when Mac was in bed, they sat at the table filling in the questionnaires the doctor had given them for Jake’s assessment. Not only did he have to fill in his own, but Amy had to fill one out about how she perceived his behaviour, too.

The next week at his assessment, Jake was grilled for an hour by a doctor. He was a little uncomfortable by the very personal nature of the questions, and vehemently disliked how invasive they were. He felt very unprepared, and he stumbled his way through answers to his doctor’s questions. He was sent home and assured that the doctor would get in touch with him in a week or so.

A week later, when a letter arrived diagnosing Jake with not only autism, but ADHD as well, both him and Amy were a little surprised. After talking for a while, they realised that a whole lot of things that had happened made sense now, and suddenly, they weren’t surprised at all.

“So…where do we go from now, hm?” Amy asked, Jake’s arm around her waist.

“I don’t know, Ames. But, wherever we go, it’ll be together. The three of us against the world. It’ll probably take some time for me to come to terms with it, and learn to understand myself with these new labels stuck on, but like…I know I’ll be comfortable with it eventually. And, y’know, Holt’s autistic, and Rosa told us about her recently, so…I know there’ll be people that get it that can help me out. And AuDHD or no AuDHD, you get me better than anyone, Ames. Plus, you’re the best researcher and empathiser out there, so I know you’ll be able to help me to get it. Sometimes I think you know me better than I do,” he chuckled, kissing the top of her head.

“I love you, Jake. I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

“I love you too, Ames. Whatever the universe throws at us, I know we can handle it. So long as we’re all together.”

“Amen to that.”

Chapter Text

Lying in Gina’s bed one night, her and Gina were cuddling, nude bodies curled close.

“Rosa, I want to properly introduce you to Iggy. You know, as my girlfriend,” Gina said, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Baby…I'm not sure.”

“Rosie, we've been together almost six months now. Don't you wish we could see each other more than the two nights a week Milton has her for? We could hang out every night. I know Iggy would love you. I told her last night that I have a girlfriend, and she's desperate to meet you.”

“I know, Gina but…I've just never been good with kids. I don't want her to not like me. Plus, I have a shitty relationship with my own mother, and I don't wanna project that onto her in any way.”

“Ro, she's gonna think you're the coolest person in the world, I promise. And don't worry about your own cunt of a mother - there's no way you'll treat Iggy at all like she treats you, because you're not an asshole. Ro, I want the three of us to be a family.”

“It's not that I don't want to meet her, I'm just…scared.”

“That's okay, honey. I'll give you some time to think about it, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, babe. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**

The next morning when they awoke, Rosa rolled over to cuddle Gina.

“I wanna meet Iggy,” she said softly, voice a little gruff.

“Wait, really? Are you sure?” Gina asked excitedly, sitting up and grinning.

“Yeah, I'm sure. She's half you, so I know we'll get on great,” she said, smiling.

“This is the best thing ever,” Gina said, hugging her.

“I know you tell me everything there is to tell about her and what happens in her life, but…is there anything I need to know?”

“Hm, I don't think so. She's not too big on touch, so don't go straight in with a hug without asking her first. But other than that, no. She's a very chill kid, I promise you.”

“Okay, good to know. So…when are we gonna do it?”

“Today? We could pick her up from school together and then go and get ice cream. You can stay the night again, if you want to.”

“That sounds perfect. Do you think you should warn her first, though?”

“Hm, that's a good point. How about you meet us at the ice cream place after school, then?”

“Sounds good to me. And I do want to sleep over.”

“Yay! I love spending time with you. If Iggy wants to, maybe we could all watch a movie before she goes to bed?”

“I'm up for that. God, I really hope this goes well.”

“Me too. I'm sure it will, though. Try not to be too nervous, Rosie.”

“I’ll try. I’m just shit at first impressions, and I don’t want my first one to be bad.”

“I understand, baby. But seriously, just be yourself. Iggy’s gonna love you.”

“I really hope so.”

**

After a slow morning and then some lunch with her girlfriend, Rosa went home for a few hours to shower and get ready, as well as collect more stuff for their sleepover. When they went on their first date six months ago (after both took a chance and swiped right on each other when their profiles happened to appear on a dating app, and they then both revealed their years-long crushes on each other), they agreed to take things very slow. Rosa hadn’t been in a relationship for almost four years, as she’d decided after Jocelyn and the pandemic to take a long break from dating. She had the odd hookup here and there, but other than that, she enjoyed her solitary life. After those four years, she’d had enough, and decided she needed someone to settle down with, or just to have fun with for a little while. After a couple of unsuccessful dates with other people, Rosa and Gina hit it off instantly. They agreed to take things quite slow, and went on two dates a week on Gina’s nights where Iggy was with Miton. After six weeks, they made it official, and gradually began hanging out with their friends together. On their six month anniversary, Rosa (to everyone’s surprise) was the first to say “I love you”.

She packed her backpack with a change of clothes, some pyjamas and her toiletries, and then set off to meet Iggy and Gina at the ice cream place they'd agreed to. She anxiously sat at a table, tapping her foot and sweating profusely.

Her head snapped up when the bell tingled, and 7-year-old Iggy walked in, holding her mother's hand. Rosa smiled and waved, and Iggy ran over to her.

“Are you my mom’s girlfriend?” Iggy asked.

“Yeah, I am. It's lovely to meet you, Iggy,” Rosa said.

“You're really pretty,” Iggy said. “Mom, your girlfriend is pretty!”

Both Rosa and Gina laughed, and the three of them sat down.

“Have you had a good day at school, Iggy?” Rosa asked, swallowing.

“Yeah. But I got sat next to Tommy in math - ugh. Everyone says he has a crush on me, but I think he's ugly.”

“Yeah, men usually are,” Gina said drily, making Rosa laugh.

“Shall we get some ice cream, Iggy?” Rosa asked.

“Yes please!”

“Gin, baby, do you want anything?”

“Just some vanilla, please.”

“Of course. Iggy, do you wanna go up to the counter to order with me?”

Iggy nodded, following her over to the counter. She examined all the flavours, and then eventually selected (very predictably) the bright blue bubblegum flavour. While they were standing at the till, Iggy slipped her little hand into Rosa's, who squeezed it gently.

“Are you okay?” Rosa asked.

“Yeah, I'm good.”

The three of them sat down to eat their ice cream, and Iggy continued nattering about her day.

“Rosa, are you coming home with us?” Iggy asked.

“If that's okay, then yes,” she replied, smiling.

“Of course it's okay, duh! Mommy said we can watch a movie together.”

“That would be lovely,” Rosa said.

“Do you like Disney?”

“I love Disney. But it's a secret, okay? You can't tell anybody.”

“Igs, on one of our first few dates, Rosa made me watch Coco with her. AND she cried at the ending,” Gina teased.

“Don’t rat me out!” Rosa exclaimed, but laughed.

“It's okay, Rosa - I cried at Coco too,” Iggy confessed.

Once they finished their ice cream, the three of them headed back to Gina's apartment, and Iggy insisted on showing Rosa (in great depth) all her toys. Gina watched from the doorway, smiling, as her girlfriend and daughter got along wonderfully. Rosa looked over at her and grinned, blowing her a kiss.

After the room tour was very thoroughly done, Rosa and Gina settled on the couch, while Iggy got into her pyjamas. The little girl emerged wearing a pink unicorn onesie (she was her mother’s daughter), and then settled into the tiny space on the couch between Rosa and Gina. They shared a quick kiss over her head, and then both of them snuggled into the little girl while they watched Moana.

Iggy insisted that Rosa kiss her goodnight, and after a kiss to the forehead, Rosa retreated from the little girl’s bedroom and left her with Gina.

“I really like her, Mommy,” Iggy whispered. “She’s very pretty and very nice.”

“She‘s SUPER pretty, isn’t she? I love her a lot.”

“I love her a lot too. Are you gonna marry her?”

“Woah, kiddo, slow down a little. We’ve only been dating for six months. People usually get married after years together, honey.”

“I think you should marry her. Wait a bit, but not too long. She’s the best lady I’ve ever met.”

“Whatever you say, kiddo. Goodnight, Igs. I love you so much.”

“I love you so much too, Mommy. Goodnight.”

Gina kissed her cheek, and then left her room, going to Rosa. She was lying in Gina’s bed, scrolling through her phone, but as soon as her girlfriend walked in, she put it down, smiling at her. Gina quickly pulled off her sweatpants, crawling into bed beside her in her pink thong and big grey t-shirt. Rosa kissed her, squeezing her ass gently.

“So…thoughts?” Gina asked, pulling away.

“Gines, she's wonderful.”

“Good, because she loves you too. She told me a minute ago that I need to marry you asap.”

Rosa laughed.

“Someday, Gin, I'd like that. If you would?”

“Of course, dipshit. I'd love to marry your hot ass.”

Grinning, Rosa kissed her again, pulling Gina into her lap.

Chapter Text

ONE

The whole squad were at Shaw’s, drinking the night away to celebrate Jake and Charles’s new solve. Like always, Rosa and Gina were sequestered at the bar, away from the group’s usual haunt in the corner, and they were talking and laughing.

"Rosie, you have lipstick smudged on your face," Gina said, reaching out and using a thumb to wipe the pink smudge away.

"Wonder who’s?" she smirked.

Gina laughed, and almost leaned in to kiss her right there. Almost.

They carried on their conversation about the Kardashian-Jenner family, including Rosa almost peeing with laughter at Gina’s very accurate Kim impression. Amy looked over at the two of them and took in the scene. Rosa talking, despite her usual ‘drink in silence’ rule, Gina’s hand coming to rest on top of Rosa’s on the sticky bar table, and the way they smiled at each other as they laughed and looked deeply into each other’s eyes.

She knew.

TWO

During the working day, Rosa and Gina would often sneak off to private spots to talk to each other and share little kisses, and this time, they were locked in a storage closet together.

"Rosie, I hate not being able to come sit on your lap whenever I fancy it like when we’re at home," Gina said, pouting.

"I know, mi amor, and I hate it too. You’re so beautiful, working with you but not being able to touch you is truly torture. But you know it's for the best that we keep this between us."

"Yeah."

Rosa wrapped her arms around Gina and hugged her tight.

"How about I take you out on a date tonight to make up for it?" Rosa asked.

"I would love that. What would we do?"

"I was thinking about taking you to an all you can eat sushi restaurant."

"I like the sound of that."

"And then to the movies, and then home for an astronomical amount of brilliant sex."

Gina giggled, kissing her gently.

Captain Holt was upstairs, doing a routine check of the precinct security cameras. He spotted Jake dancing down a hallway and shook his head fondly, and then when he flicked to the next camera, he found a certain curly haired detective and redheaded assistant hugging in a closet somewhere, and then sharing a tender kiss. He clicked off it hurriedly, not wanting to invade his employee’s privacy. He couldn't stop himself from smiling.

He knew.

THREE

At Charles’ ex-wife’s beach house, a tipsy Jake sipped his beer, watching the squad around him. There was Charles, heatedly debating a very drunk Amy about something food-related, Captain Holt sipping wine in the corner while Terry ranted about something to do with Moana, and then Rosa and Gina, sat next to each other on the couch. Jake noticed that Gina was drinking whiskey, something she'd never liked, and she watched as she leaned over, whispered something right in Rosa's ear, and then slipped her hand onto her thigh. Rosa giggled, whispering something back.

“Night, losers,” Gina said, getting up.

“Yeah, goodnight,” Rosa echoed, following her upstairs.

The whole group responded in various drunken mumbles and yells, and Jake smiled to himself as the two went together towards a bedroom.

He knew.

FOUR

“Charles, can I talk to you for a sec?” Rosa asked, approaching his desk.

“Sure! What’s up, Roro?”

She grimaced.

“It’s a special day today. It’s mine and my…partner’s…anniversary. I need to cook something super nice. What do you recommend?”

“Ooh, you shared! Dishhh, bish! Who is it? How long have you been together for?” he asked excitedly.

“I’m not telling you that. Now, you gonna help me or not?”

“Of course I’ll help!”

Charles gave her an in-depth speech about cooking ravioli from scratch, and Rosa listened dutifully, making notes.

“Thanks so much, Charles. Hopefully they’ll really like it.”

“I’m sure they will, Rosa. Sorry, what did you say their name was again?”

“Ha ha,” she said sarcastically. “I’m not falling for that one.”

“Damn. Worth a shot,” he said, smiling.

Charles watched as Rosa walked away, going over to Gina’s desk. The two easily engaged in conversation, and Rosa sat precariously on the arm of her chair, giggling. Suddenly, years of strange interactions, confusing situations and mysterious, unnamed “partners” clicked into place. He couldn’t stop himself from grinning.

He knew.

FIVE

Terry snuck down to Babylon, hoping to have a few minutes on his own to relax without anyone bothering him. Everyone knew where the bathroom was located by now (Charles could NOT keep a secret). Terry tried not to use it too much, as it was Rosa and Gina’s first, but sometimes he couldn’t resist the temptation of some spare time by himself.

As he approached, the file boxes were pulled out, and the door was half-open. He could hear loud retches and coughs.

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” Rosa said, rubbing Gina’s back and holding her hair. “It’s okay, my love.”

“Shit,” Gina moaned, flopping back into her lap.

“You’ll be okay, Gines.”

Terry backed away hurriedly (Terry hates germs), but he girlishly giggled to himself.

He knew.

PLUS ONE

“Gina and I have an announcement,” Rosa said bluntly, standing up at the end of the briefing.

“Please, go ahead, Diaz,” Captain Holt said.

“We’re dating,” Gina said, kissing her girlfriend on the cheek.

Everyone mumbled in feigned shock.

“What? Why is no one surprised?” Rosa said, scowling.

“I haven’t even told any of you that I’m a lesbian,” Gina said, also disgusted by the lack of attention they were receiving.

“We kinda…all already knew,” Jake said.

“What? How? When?” Rosa questioned.

“Well, I knew at Charles’ beach house. You’re handsy when you’re drunk, and unsubtly went to the same bedroom,” Jake said.

“I knew when Rosa asked me what to cook for your anniversary,” Charles piped up. “As soon as I gave you my recipe - which you actually wrote down, even though you’re ‘too cool for note-taking’ - you went straight to Gina’s desk to talk to her. Everything kinda clicked into place.”

“Okay, that’s a bold assumption,” Gina scoffed. “What about the rest of you?”

“Years and years ago, at Shaw’s, I saw you hold hands, and Gina wiped her lipstick off Rosa’s face. But what really confirmed it is that Rosa never ‘drinks in silence’ with you,” Amy said.

“Captain Holt? Terry? When did you know?” she demanded.

“Many years ago, I mistakenly saw the two of you together in a storage closet during a routine check of the CCTV camera footage,” he admitted. “It was unintentional, and as soon as I realised you were kissing, I clicked off it immediately. I respect my employees’ privacy.”

“Damn. If you weren’t gay, I’d call you a perv,” Gina said.

“I only realised six months ago. The door to Babylon was open, and Gina was throwing up, and Rosa was being NICE to her. She called her ‘baby’! Terry loves love,” Terry said excitedly.

“I’m starting to think that maybe we were never as sneaky as we thought,” Rosa said, grinning at her girlfriend.

“I’m annoyed we didn’t get a dramatic moment, and I’m insulted that Charles didn’t pass out, but I don’t care. We’re in LOVE, Y’ALL!”

Gina planted an emphatic kiss on Rosa’s mouth, and everyone cheered.

“Thank you for your honesty, even if we had already solved the case ourselves,” Captain Holt said. “You will always be welcomed and accepted here. Anyone who gives you any trouble will have me to answer to.”

“Thank you, Captain,” Rosa said, putting her arm around Gina’s shoulders.

“Shaw’s tonight to celebrate, everyone!” Jake said, and more cheers erupted.

“Briefing dismissed,” Holt said, and everyone except Rosa and Gina filed out.

“Soooo…everyone knows now,” Rosa said, wrapping one arm around Gina’s waist and taking her hand with her other. “Well. Everyone knew anyway, but like…we know that they know now.”

“Yeah. It’s kinda crazy. I never thought we’d come out. Eight years together, Gin. Fuck.”

“It did take us a while,” Gina said, laughing.

“I love you, a lot. So much,” Rosa said.

“I love you too, Rosie.”

They shared a tender kiss.

“Do you think they’ll start asking us to get married soon?” Gina asked.

“Probably,” Gina chuckled. “But our love transcends some dumbass contract.”

“Exactly. You know what? For our anniversary, we should go on a huge fucking vacation, just the two of us. Like a honeymoon without the wedding first. And, you know, as much as I don’t feel the need to get married - and I definitely don’t want a proper wedding - I’m not opposed to going to City Hall and just doing it. So, you know, something off the bucket list. And I hate the fact that if something happened to me, my mother would be my legal next of kin, and she’d get to make the decisions about me.”

“Let’s do it, then. It would be nice to call you my wife.”

They shared another kiss.

“Do you want a huge rock?” Rosa asked.

“Nah. Just a really small, classy gold band is good.”

“God, you’re perfect.”

“I could say the same, Diaz.”

Chapter Text

When Amy got home from work, she set her keys down on the sideboard in her and her girlfriend's apartment, stepping out of her shoes and setting down her bag. The apartment was exactly as she'd left it that morning, relatively clean and tidy.

She softly opened the door to their bedroom, creeping towards the Rosa-shaped mound hidden under the duvet. A tangle of black hair was the only thing that was visible.

“Hi honey, you awake?” she whispered.

“I'm awake,” Rosa said, rolling over to face her.

“Hi, my love. Are you alright?” she asked, sitting beside her on the edge of the bed.

“Eh. I'm alright. Just…still feeling like shit.”

Amy nodded.

“How was work?”

“Fine. Me and Jake are getting closer to our solve of that double homicide. We have a suspect, we just need to iron out a few details before we bring him in.”

“I know you'll manage to get it solved, baby. You're the best detective,” Rosa said, yawning.

“Have you managed to get out of bed today?”

“No,” Rosa mumbled. “Too sad.”

“Well…I need to re-bandage your arm, so how about we progress to the table?”

“Okay. You make it easier to do shit like this.”

“I'm glad I do. I'm always here for you, Rosa.”

“Thanks. Same for you, Ames. Also, I really need to piss.”

“We can get that sorted.”

Amy peeled back the duvet, and helped Rosa out of bed. Rosa flopped onto the couch, which was enough for Amy. Grabbing the first aid kit, she undid the bandage wrapped around Rosa's arm. She diligently cleaned her self-harm wounds, relieved that no fresh ones had appeared while she was at work, and then wrapped it back up in a fresh bandage.

“I'm proud of you for not doing it today,” Amy said, kissing the top of her head and sitting down beside her.

“Thanks. It's not been easy.”

Amy nodded. She examined Rosa's matted hair, starting to attempt to run her fingers through it.

“Have you eaten or drank anything today?”

“No.”

“Do you want anything?”

“Some water. No food.”

“Rosa, you didn't eat yesterday.”

“Because eating sounds like the worst fucking thing in the world to me right now.”

“Rosa, you…you've gotten so fucking skinny. This is so bad for you, baby.”

“I don't want to eat.”

“You sound like a fucking toddler.”

“And you sound like a nagging fucking mom,” she snapped.

“Rosa, I am trying so. Fucking. Hard. And all of it is for you. Every day I go to work and I shut myself away somewhere and sob, because the person I love most in the whole entire fucking world is too depressed to get up to piss or shower and I have no idea why. I would do anything to help you, Rosa, literally anything, and you know full well that that's the case. And I am trying so fucking hard not to be selfish, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. Coming home from work after everyone's spent the whole day asking for you, to find you lying in bed, sliced to shreds, reeking to high fucking heaven because you haven't showered or brushed your teeth for weeks. Trying to get you to eat and drink when you won't do it of your own accord. It feels like taking care of a child, Rosa. I don't know how much longer I can do this for. I love you, I love you so much, but this is fucking killing me.”

Tears dripped down her face as she spoke, hands shaking.

“Amy, I'm not doing this on purpose. I would do anything to not feel this fucking sad all the time. And I promise you, I'm trying. I'm doing my fucking best, okay? It all just feels impossible. I just want to die, Amy.”

“How could you even say that to me, Rosa? To someone you love?”

“Because it's the truth.”

Amy continued to sob next to her on the couch, and Rosa offered her no comfort. Eventually, she went back to bed, shutting the door behind her.

Unable to face her girlfriend, Amy ate her dinner and then settled down to sleep on the couch. It was so bizarre to have nobody to cuddle and kiss goodnight, and how intertwined their lives are made Amy cry even harder.

The next morning when she woke up from a restless sleep, Rosa was sitting on the arm of the couch, stroking her hair gently.

“Rosa?”

“I'm here, baby.”

Amy sat up, knuckling her eyes, and realising she was dressed and ready for work.

“What's going on?” Amy asked.

“I'm forcing myself to get better. I need to stop wallowing. I'm not ready to go out in the field, but…I would like to do some paperwork today. I've been wallowing for two weeks, and I know I smelled really bad. But I've showered now, and washed my hair. And brushed my teeth. It would be nice to go out to get breakfast with you.”

Amy took her hand, squeezing.

“Amy, I…I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, baby. I have treated you so appalling. I didn't mean to, I promise. I was just so blinded by my depression that I couldn't function properly. But I'm forcing myself to get better, and…please forgive me, Amy. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. It means so much. And thanks for the wakeup call yesterday. But I haven’t been fair to you, and I know it. It’s not your job to fix me - I need to do that myself. So, I’ve forced myself to get up, and get ready, and I already feel a tiny bit better because of it. I know I can make myself get better, Ames. It just…might take a little while.”

“I love you so much, Rosa. And of course I forgive you. I’m so sorry you were hurting, baby, and I’m sorry I couldn’t take the pain away.”

“Babe, it’s not on you to take it away. I’m just…wired this way,” she shrugged. “I think it’s time for me to think about antidepressants. I don’t want to keep living like this, and it isn’t fair on you or anyone else in my life. I love you too.”

Amy climbed into her lap, wrapping her arms and legs around her, and Rosa held her. They shared a soft, intimate kiss, making both of them smile.

“Do you wanna get ready for work and then go out for breakfast somewhere?” Rosa offered.

“That would be lovely.”

“Get your hot ass in the shower, babe. I’ll pick you an outfit.”

Amy giggled, kissing her again, and heading off to the bathroom. While she showered, Rosa selected a pantsuit for her to wear. While she was already so exhausted just from getting up and ready, she knew she had to push through, and she knew she could do it.

Chapter Text

The night before she was set to take the Sergeant’s exam, Amy tossed and turned. Her chest rose and fell rapidly for hours as she felt the crushing weight of expectation burning in her lungs. She cycled between being too hot, and then too cold, and then too hot again.

Rosa rolled over, eyes cracking open.

“Baby, are you awake?” she whispered, reaching out to touch Amy’s hip.

“I’m awake,” she replied, turning to face her.

“Are you okay?”

“No. I’m so fucking scared, Rosa.”

“Amy, don’t be scared. You know you’re going to absolutely ace this test. I’ve quizzed you a thousand times and you haven’t got a single answer wrong for weeks and weeks.”

“What if it all goes wrong tomorrow?” she said, a few tears falling.

“It isn’t going to, Ames. Please trust me.”

Amy stayed silent for a moment as Rosa wiped her tears away.

“There’s something else you want to say, isn’t there? Come on, Amy. You can be honest with me. You can tell me anything.”

“I…all I can think about is hurting myself again. I know it’s bad, and I know I shouldn’t but…it would make me feel so much better, I know it would. I want to so badly. It’s consuming all my thoughts.”

“Ames, my love, cutting yourself won’t change anything. It won’t wave your anxiety away, and it won’t change the fact you have the exam tomorrow. You’ve been doing so well, baby - you’re three months clean, and I’m so fucking proud of you. Don’t throw that away, yeah?”

“I almost did it earlier,” she blurted. “I got the razor blade out of the medicine cabinet, and I was so close to just pushing it to my skin and doing it.”

“But you didn’t, babe, which is a huge display of strength. I’m so proud of you for pushing through your urges. So, so proud of you.”

“I’m not proud of myself. I’m weak.”

“No, Ames, you’re not.”

“I am.”

“Amy. You aren’t weak,” Rosa countered, tone a little firmer. “Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna get you a hot water bottle to soothe your anxiety chest pain, then we’re gonna have a goodnight kiss, and then we’ll cuddle. And you’re gonna go to sleep.”

“It’s already 2am. There’s no point even trying anymore.”

“Bullshit, Santiago. We don’t have to be up until 6:45. Now lie down,” Rosa commanded, getting out of bed. “And stay here.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too!” Rosa called as she went into the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Rosa returned with a hot water bottle, tucking the comforting warmth under Amy’s pyjama top (which was a t-shirt of Rosa’s). By now, she knew the level of heat that was just perfect for her girlfriend, so Amy was instantly calmed a little. Rosa snuggled up behind her, pulling Amy into a little spoon position.

“Goodnight, sweetheart. All will be well, I promise you,” Rosa said.

“Goodnight, Rosa. Thank you for all this.”

“You’re very welcome.”

Rosa leaned over to press a soft kiss to her lips, and then settled behind her. She fell asleep quickly, and Amy was soothed into a deep sleep by her heavy breathing.

Chapter Text

Defiantly getting up from the wheelchair, Gina helped Rosa hobble from the hallway of their apartment into their bedroom, where she collapsed into bed with a contented sigh.

“First comfortable mattress in a damn month. God, I could get used to this,” Rosa said. “Those hospital beds felt like lying on fuckin’ concrete.”

“You’ll need to get used to being in bed, babe - you have a lot of resting to do before you come back to work.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” she grumbled. “If I ask Holt firmly enough, he'll let me come back in two weeks. There's no damn way I'm taking another month and a half off.”

“You’re not going back early on my watch, Diaz,” Gina said drily. “Anyway, no use talking about this now. Can I get you something to eat?”

“No, I'm okay. I just need a nap, I think. Cuddles would be nice, though?” she suggested hopefully.

“You know I can't resist you,” Gina said, grinning.

She drew the curtains and then climbed into bed beside Rosa, resting her head on her shoulder and slinging an arm and a leg loosely across her, careful to avoid her stomach.

**

A month ago, Rosa was shot in the abdomen on what should've been a very routine arrest of a low-level drug dealer. When Gina got the call telling her that her girlfriend had been rushed to the hospital and was having emergency surgery, her entire body went cold. Without Amy to take her to the hospital, she had no idea what she would've done.

Rosa was in surgery for eight hours. She lost so much blood that she almost died, but the surgeons thankfully managed to remove the bullet before it caused any more internal damage than it already had. Gina sat at her lover’s bedside in the ICU for two whole days, not eating or sleeping, and watching every breath she took.

When Rosa finally awoke, opening her eyes groggily, Gina wept out of relief, pressing kisses all over her face. Rosa wrapped her arms around her despite the searing pain she felt, gripping onto her tightly. All she remembered from the arrest was a loud bang, falling to the floor, and pain so aggressive that her vision went white.

“Rosa, oh my God…you're okay,” Gina sobbed when words finally returned to her.

“I thought I died, Gina,” she croaked. “I saw a fuckin' white light.”

“You're very much not dead, baby. Oh, Jesus. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Gina.”

Recovery had been slow and agonisingly painful, set back by an infection Rosa developed that kept her in the ICU for an entire week. She was left with a kickass scar and a lot of abdominal pain, but other than that, she was doing alright. Learning to move again was tough, and by the third week in hospital, she almost went stir crazy being locked in a single room. After a lot of nagging, and promising the nurses that Gina could look after her, she was finally declared fit to return home.

**

When Rosa woke up later that afternoon, she insisted on moving to the couch so she could be close to Gina while she made dinner.

“Was it weird without me here?” Rosa asked during a lull in their casual conversation.

“It was so weird. It was weird driving to work on my own, and it was weird eating alone, and sleeping alone. Every night I'd roll over to cuddle you, and you wouldn't be there. I cried a lot. I really missed you, Rosa.”

“Aww, baby. I missed you too,” Rosa said.

“Dinner will be ready in five, okay? I'm just going to the bathroom.”

“Okay, honey. Thank you.”

While her girlfriend was in the bathroom, Rosa tentatively got off the couch and dragged herself over to the stove. She stirred the Bolognese, drained the pasta and quickly laid the table.

“Rosa! You're supposed to be letting me look after you!” Gina scolded when she returned. “Goddamn it.”

“You're already doing so much for me, Gina. Let me help out.”

“I can't stop you. But I'd prefer it if you rested and got completely better, Ro.”

“I'm a lot better than I was, Gin. Please, I can't let you do everything for me,” she said, setting their plates on the table.

“You should let me, baby. But thank you for helping out.”

“Of course.”

They sat and ate together, and Rosa leant against the kitchen counter while Gina washed up. Curling up on the couch together, Rosa forced herself to stay awake so they could watch a movie (Nancy Meyers, duh). Refusing to let Gina help her, she got ready for bed, and crawled under the covers to wait for her girlfriend to join her.

When Gina slipped between the sheets, she curled up to her, resting her head on her shoulder. She leaned up to kiss her, one hand coming to rest on her cheek as the kiss deepened, the other sneaking under her t-shirt to caress the bronze skin of her hip. Gina inched her t-shirt upwards, but Rosa broke the kiss before she could pull it off.

“Gina, I…it's not that I don't want to,” she started, flushing a little. “I'm just so tired, and…”

“Of course. Don't worry, babe. Some other time.”

“Yeah, some other time. I love you, Gina, and I know it's been so long…I really do want to, it's just-”

“I understand, Rosa, don't worry. I love you too.”

They shared an innocent, sweet kiss.

“Do you want to just sleep?”

“Yeah, if that's okay.”

“Of course it's okay, Rosa. Goodnight, baby.”

“Goodnight, Gines. Can we cuddle tonight?”

“You say that as if I'm ever gonna let you go again.”

Lying down, Gina curled into her side, Rosa's arms around her waist. Gina slung a leg over her, nestling into her warmth.

The next morning when Gina awoke, the bed was empty beside her, but warm. It was a refreshing change, but still, she missed waking up with her girlfriend. She dragged herself out of bed and into the kitchen, where she found Rosa cooking breakfast.

“Ah, morning, Gines! You're perfectly on time. The pancakes are just finishing up,” Rosa said, smiling brightly.

“Good morning, baby,” Gina said, kissing her.

“There's coffee and orange juice on the table. Sit down, my love.”

“Thanks, Ro. I wish you'd let me do this, though.”

“Nah, it's okay. I love cooking for you. Now sit down! I'll serve you in a sec.”

Grinning, Gina sat down at the table obediently, and let Rosa serve her a plate of eggs, bacon and pancakes.

“This is fucking delicious, Rosa. Thank you.”

“You're welcome.”

Halfway through the meal, Gina noticed Rosa grimacing, and a sweat breaking out on her brow.

“Ro, are you okay? You look a little peaky.”

“I'm fine,” Rosa promised, trying to smile.

“Are you sure? You don't look it.”

“I'm okay, baby, don't worry about me.”

“If you say so, Rosa. I just-”

Rosa leaned over the side of the table and threw up onto the floor, subsequently collapsing onto the hardwood with a thump.

“Rosa! Rosa, baby, are you okay? Baby? Baby!” Gina gasped, rushing to her side.

“I'm okay, Gina,” she said weakly, clutching her stomach and seizing up in pain.

“Stop fucking saying that!”

Gina yanked up her shirt, checking Rosa's dressing. Blood had seeped through the white gauze, when they'd supposedly been healed for several weeks.

“Oh, Rosa, baby! Why didn't you tell me, my love?” Gina said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I didn't wanna worry you, Gines. I…I didn't wanna worry you,” she said weakly.

“Let me help you, please. Please, Rosa.”

“Okay,” she whispered. “I really need it, I think.”

Chapter Text

At Charles' beach house, the squad were getting a little rowdy in the early hours of the morning as the alcohol piled up in their systems. Rosa and Amy were sat together on the couch, Rosa's hand on her girlfriend's thigh. She leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"You look so sexy tonight, Amy," she said, and kissed her neck briefly.

She giggled (she was at Four Drink Amy) and keened into Rosa's body heat.

"Let's go outside, hm? Just you and me," she continued.

"Okay!"

"Santiago and I are going to...get some air," Rosa said, standing up.

The squad wolf-whistled at them.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, dickweeds," Rosa said, grabbing Amy's hand.

Rosa grabbed two beach towels from the basket in the hallway and led her outside, the two stumbling down to a quiet corner of the beach by some undergrowth.

"Let's go skinny dipping," Rosa said, grabbing Amy's ass and giggling, dropping the towels onto the sand.

"What? Rosa, we can't!" she exclaimed (even Four Drink Amy had a moral compass).

"Why not? It's dark, and deserted - no one's gonna see us. Don't you wanna see my tits?" she flirted.

"Yes, I do. So bad. Okay, let's do it. But the water will be so cold."

"I'll warm you up, hm?"

Amy giggled, letting Rosa strip off her shirt and bra. The two made out passionately as they took their clothes off, but as soon as Amy was naked, exposed to the night air, she cringed, pulling away.

"I don't think I've ever been naked outside before," she said, blushing.
"Really?"

"Have you?"

"Oh, a ton of times. This is not my first rodeo, Santiago."

Amy giggled, taking Rosa's hand.

"Okay, you ready? You just gotta run in. The alcohol will make you feel less cold, I promise."

"I'm ready."

The two started running towards the sea, giggling wildly. It took until they were knee deep for the cold to actually hit Amy, and she shrieked, immediately feeling her toes go numb.

"HOLY SHIT, IT'S SO FUCKING COLD!" Amy yelled.

"You'll warm up in a minute," Rosa promised, laughing.

"My toes are going numb, Rosa!"

"Good - that means they can't feel the cold."

Giggling, Amy let Rosa pull her in further, until they were up to their chests in the ocean. The moonlight cast a shaft of silvery light across the dark surface, and the two embraced, the water calmly lapping at their skin.

"God, Rosa, I'm crazy about you," Amy said, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together.

"I could say the same about you, Santiago."

They shared a soft kiss, cold noses meeting.

"I love you, Amy," Rosa murmured, burning her face in her neck.

"I love you too, Rosa," she replied, sighing happily, as the cold water rippled gently around their entwined bodies.

Chapter Text

“Are you excited for Thanksgiving, Atlas?” Amy asked as she stirred pie filling on the stove.

“Eh, I guess so,” she said, shrugging, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“You ‘guess so’? You love Thanksgiving! And we’re having a whole squad reunion, all the kids back from college. Aunt Gina and Iggy are even coming back from LA. What’s up, mija?”

“I feel like every time the whole family meets up, we say grace and talk about Grandpa Ray, and we leave up the Ofrenda with him on, and just...I don’t feel like I know anything about him. Even Mac remembers him. I was only a month old when he died...he’s a stranger to me.”

“Oh, Atlas. I’m sorry you feel like that,” Amy said, wrapping her arms around her daughter.

“It’s whatever,” Atlas said, detaching herself awkwardly from the hug. “Everybody ignores me ‘cause I’m the youngest anyways.”

“Sweetie, everyone loves you, I promise. Nobody ignores you on purpose.”

“It sure as hell doesn’t feel like they all love me and want to talk to me.”

“Honey-”

“Mom, don’t bother. I’ll feel excluded no matter what.”

Atlas left the room, slouching off upstairs. Frowning, Amy drummed her fingers on the counter, an idea forming in her head.

**

After Thanksgiving dinner, everyone was lounging around in the living room of Rosa’s house, sprawling across the sofas. Half-blind and 80, Kevin was nursing a scotch in the armchair in the corner. Jake and Charles had done the washing up, grateful for Rosa’s brilliant cooking abilities. They’d all feasted to excess, and the adults had got through rather a large amount of wine, so all were laughing a little too loudly and lying around, full to bursting, on the impressive spread Rosa had put out for them.

“Atlas! C’mere,” Jake hissed, leaning on the doorframe, pulling them out of their trance, where they’d been perched, watching everyone silently, in the corner of the room.

“What? Dad?”

“Just come on!” Jake said, starting to make his way through the kitchen with Atlas following.

“Dad, I don’t want to get roped into one of your hair-brained schemes. Mom’s already pissed at me for not eating any vegetables, and-”

“This isn’t a hair-brained scheme! And anyway, my schemes are never schemes! They’re stratagems, and there’s nothing hair-brained about them! And anyway, this was your mom’s idea, not mine - as much as I love taking credit, I can’t this time. Come outside.”

Jake cracked open the back door, the chilly New York November air hitting them. He gave her her coat and a pair of gloves, nudging her outside into Rosa’s spacious garden.

Around the crackling fire pit, all the Nine-Nine children were sitting in chairs: Cagney, Lacey and Ava, Nikolaj, Iggy and, of course, Mac.

“Hey Atlas!” Iggy said, waving. “Come sit down.”

Atlas sat down on a chair beside her, and was handed a marshmallow on a long stick. Everyone else was toasting theirs, so Atlas joined them.

“Your parents told us all that you feel really left out, because you’re the only one of us who never really had a relationship with Grandpa Ray. So, we thought we’d tell you our stories about him, so you could get to know him a little better,” Iggy continued.

“Oh. You guys don’t have to do that,” Atlas stammered, going red under the heat of the fire.

“Atlas, you’re part of the family. We want to do everything we can to make you feel like you are,” Iggy said, putting her hand on Atlas’.

Atlas nodded.

“Let’s all go round and share our favourite story, in turns,” Nikolaj suggested.

“Great idea, Niko. I’ll go first,” Iggy said. “Well, my favourite memory of Grandpa Ray has to be when I was four. My mom really struggled being a single working mom, and Grandpa Ray and Grandpa Kevin were there for her a lot. They used to babysit me before we moved to LA. I remember vividly this one time, sitting on his knee in my pyjamas with my stuffed animal, and him reading to me in his armchair before bed. He read me the whole of The Wind in the Willows. It’s still one of my favourite books now. As stoic and serious as he was, he used to put on silly voices for all the characters, and sometimes even a British accent. He thought children should be enriched with the classics from a young age, but he didn’t throw me straight in with Dickens or the Brontes.”

Everyone chuckled.

“So, my favourite memory is Grandpa Ray taking me to an art museum when I was a little kid,” Nikolaj began. “After the math-related mishap my dad tells the story of every single holiday, he decided to nurture my love of art. We walked around every single exhibit, and he analysed every feature of all the statues and vases and paintings for me, telling me what it all meant, and telling me all the history surrounding them. It always amazed me how much knowledge he had stored in his head about so many things. To 8-year-old me, he knew everything there was to know. It’s what inspired me to major in art history.”

“He was someone who could inspire so much in somebody,” Iggy agreed. “Someone else go.”

“Well, me and Lacey have the same favourite memory,” Cagney said. “When we were ten or so, Grandpa Ray took us to one of his AAGLYNCPA meetings. A lot of it kinda went over our heads, but he told us that we needed to be so proud of our blackness, and that we’re so important as black women. He told us all about his mom, who overcame so much adversity to be one of the first few black female judges. He was one of the first few people that really made it clear that being black wasn’t just something that made life scary and uniquely challenging - he taught us that it was powerful. That really resonated, for both of us.”

“It did,” Lacey agreed. “And even though I didn’t know until after he died, he’s partly the reason I felt so comfortable being a lesbian so soon after figuring myself out. I know he would’ve been the first to support me. I think the reason our parents were so chill with it was because they’d had a gay person so closely in their life. In their chosen family.”

“That’s beautiful,” Iggy said. “Ava, your turn.”

“Ah, well, my favourite memory of Grandpa Ray is a funny one,” she said, breaking out into a goofy grin. “I vividly remember coming to the precinct one time when I was about five, I must’ve had a half-day off school or something. My dad was off doing something important, and foolishly left me in the care of Uncle Jake. He got a paper plate and covered it in whipped cream, and convinced me - via bribing me with letting me eat some of the whipped cream - to pie Grandpa Holt in the face! I sidled into his office very innocently with the plate behind my back, and when he bent down to talk to me, BAM! I struck.”

Everyone laughed.

“Was he mad?” Atlas asked.

“Shocked, yes. Mad, no. When I told him Jake had put me up to it, he laughed, and shook his head with a kind of fatherly fondness. He really loved your dad like a son, Atlas.”

“Auntie Roro told me that Uncle Jake always used to slip up and accidentally call him ‘dad’ at work,” Nikolaj said, giggling.

“No way! Ha! I’m gonna make fun of him so much for that,” Atlas said, laughing. “He’ll be so embarrassed, I’m sure.”

“Oh, he totally will be. Mac, you’re last up,” Iggy said.

Mac took a deep breath.

“My favourite memory is Grandpa Ray and Grandpa Kevin taking me to the hospital to meet Atlas when she was born,” he said, voice wavering a little. “They looked after me while mom was in labour, and then drove me to the hospital and sat me on the bed next to her. She was holding you, and I stroked your forehead and tiny little cheeks. I remember Grandpa Ray telling me that I needed to be very gentle with you, and once you came home, I should help mom out by being a really good boy. And when mom gave you to Raymond to hold, he had the biggest smile. He cried a little bit.”

Everyone stayed quiet for a minute, looking into the fire.

“Thank you all for telling me that. I know it’s difficult to talk about,” Atlas said softly, breaking the silence.

“It is hard to talk about,” Iggy said, nodding. “Grief isn’t something that ever really…goes away. It just gets easier to deal with. But I hope you feel like you know him a little better now. Even though Grandpa Ray only knew you for such a short while, he loved you so much, Atlas. It’s funny how good he was with all of us, considering he never had kids of his own.”

“He did have kids of his own,” Mac said. “All our parents.”

Chapter Text

The doorbell rang, punctuating her silent apartment, and Rosa exhaled shakily, wiping her palms on her black denim-clad thighs. Getting up off the couch, she went to open her apartment door, hand lingering on the classy brass knob for a second before she opened it with a welcoming smile.

“Hi! You must be Charlie - it's so lovely to meet you.”

**

Rosa had been really enjoying the single life for a few years, but after a while, it started to get lonely. But it wasn't a partner she longed for to fill the hole in her life - no, it was a kid. When this thought first entered her head, she was weirded out to say the least. She'd never had any kind of maternal drive, and absolutely zero desire for a loud, smelly, messy baby she'd have to grow and then painfully push out.

Thinking about it for a couple of days almost drove her crazy, but it didn't take long at all for her to settle on a distinct conclusion - fostering. And not babies or chaotic young children (gross), but teenagers, who were complicated in a different way. A way Rosa understood.

She had to get rid of a substantial number of her weapons, but she kept a gun and an axe in a safe, locked away in her bedside cabinet with a very long and very complicated code to open it. She also had to give away a lot of books, as the second bedroom in her apartment - that would become her foster child’s bedroom - was currently her own personal library. It was a small sacrifice to condense her collection, and after erecting a new bookcase in her bedroom and in the living room, three quarters of her books still had homes. The shit ones she didn't mind getting rid of.

After all the paperwork had gone through, Rosa had to have a proper interview, as well as a very thorough background check. The thought of it filled her with a sense of dread, and she lay awake tossing and turning about it at night for weeks. She was socially awkward at the best of times, and that combined with nerves was sure to fuck her over. To her surprise, she and her apartment passed their inspection by the foster agency with flying colours. She was all set to have a kid move in with her.

After hearing nothing for a couple of weeks, one Wednesday night she got a call that there was a thirteen year old girl, who'd bounced around placements for the last four years, in need of someone for a couple of months. Rosa immediately said yes, and when they informed her that the girl, Charlie, would be moving in with her the next day, Rosa went a little into panic mode.

While the spare bedroom was ready with a desk, chair, wardrobe, bed, bedside table and curtains, plus freshly-painted white walls, there was nothing even remotely personal about it. She had no idea what Charlie would like, and no idea what thirteen-year-old girls tended to like, so she settled on going to the store and making a little care package for her. She bought a little basket and filled it with all the essentials (shampoo, body wash, lotion, toothbrush and toothpaste) and some other bits, like facemasks, chapstick, candles and chocolate.

She made sure her fridge was fully stocked with a variety of ingredients, and then paced the apartment anxiously, restlessly flitting between activities in anticipation of Charlie's arrival.

**

“Hi, Rosa,” the middle-aged social worker with Charlie said, shaking her hand. “I'm Katherine, Charlie's social worker.”

“It's great to meet you, Katherine.”

“Say hello, Charlotte,” Katherine prodded, as the girl continued staring at the floor.

“It's Charlie,” she mumbled, and Katherine rolled her eyes.

“Thanks for taking her at such short notice, Rosa,” Katherine continued. “I'll be back in a few days to check on you, Charlotte. Here's all her files and information, and all the stuff about her school.”

“Ah, thank you very much,” Rosa said, taking a thick file from Katherine.

“You're welcome. I'll come and see you soon,” she said. “Goodbye, Charlotte.”

“Bye,” she muttered, still not looking up.

Katherine sighed, and then departed.

“Welcome to my apartment, Charlie,” Rosa said, stepping aside to allow her to enter, dragging a black bin bag with her.

Finally, Charlie looked up, staring at the high ceilings and pristine furniture.

“Do you want a quick tour?” Rosa asked.

“Sure,” she mumbled.

“Okay, so, we're in the living room and dining room, and then the kitchen is in the corner. This is the bathroom,” she said, opening the door. “I have my own ensuite attached to my room, so you'll have complete privacy in here - I won't use it. That's my bedroom over there, and then this is your room.”

Rosa opened the door, and Charlie stepped inside, sitting down heavily on the bed.

“Does it pass muster?”

Charlie nodded.

“I put together some toiletry stuff for you, just in case you didn't have stuff with you from where you were before. I left the room quite plain because I wasn't sure what you'd want to do with it, so I thought we could go to Target and you could pick out some stuff you wanted for your room?”

Charlie eyed her a little suspiciously.

“Is something wrong, Charlie?”

“You're willing to spend money on me? Seriously?” she asked dubiously.

“Well, of course. You're here because I want you to be here.”

“Oh. That's weird.”

“How so?”

“Foster homes aren't usually…like this. I've shared rooms with three other kids, slept on couches, slept in attics and basements. I didn't expect my own space.”

“I'm sorry to hear that. I know I would have been driven up the wall being made to share a bedroom as a teenager. I really hope you're happy here, however long you're with me for. How about I help you unpack? Or you can do it yourself, if you prefer. And then we can write a list of what you need and then go to the store.”

“Okay. Help would be good.”

As the two put away Charlie's few clothes in the wardrobe and drawers, Rosa took in her appearance properly. Her slightly greasy brown hair was cut into a thick, almost jagged fringe, and she was wearing battered red converse that had a hole in the toe. Her red t-shirt and hoodie had certainly seen better days, and her blue denim shorts were not appropriate for the chilly February weather. However, she didn't want to be critical of her clothes out loud, and instead planned on coaxing her into buying some more clothes when they went shopping later on.

“Okay, now everything's put away, would you like a drink? Or a snack? Have you had lunch?”

“I've had lunch. Do you have juice?”

“Yes, I do. Orange or apple?”

“Apple, please. Orange is nasty.”

“I'll get a glass for you, kiddo.”

Rosa came back in a few minutes later with two glasses of apple juice, handing one to her and sipping the other herself.

“So, I thought we could make a list of anything else you want for your room, or any stuff you want or need. Is there anything you want for school? Stationery, clothes, shoes?”

“Oh. Um. I need a new notebook. And some pencils.”

Rosa wrote it down.

“Anything else?”

“Uh. Maybe…maybe shoes. These are ripped. But shoes are expensive.”

“That's okay, don't worry about that. If you want new shoes, you can have some.”

“If you're sure,” she said dubiously.

“Of course I am. Alright, anything else? Any clothes or underwear, or toiletries?”

“Underwear,” she mumbled, blushing.

“Alrighty. Is that everything?”

She nodded.

“Shall we head to the store now? And we can pick up whatever you'd like for dinner tonight.”

“Yeah. That would be good.”

“Cool. You ready to go?”

“Can I use the bathroom first?”

“Of course you can.”

When Charlie returned a few minutes later, they got in the car and started driving to Target. Rosa gave Charlie her phone, instructing her to play any music she wanted, and after spending some time trying to navigate Spotify, she put on one of Rosa’s playlists. Fiona Apple started playing through the car speakers, and Rosa smiled.

“This is one of my favourite artists,” she said. “Do you know any of her music?”

“No,” Charlie said. “This song is good, though.”

“Yeah, it really is. ‘Fast As You Can’ is one of my favourites.”

When they arrived at Target, Rosa encouraged Charlie, who was more than a little tentative at first, to choose whatever she wanted. After some gentle convincing, she put some bedsheets, a blanket, a book, some school notebooks and pencils, a pair of shoes and some underwear into the cart, and helped Rosa choose some snacks.

“D’you wanna go get ice cream or something?” Rosa asked as they loaded everything into the car.

“I don’t want ice cream. But could we get donuts?”

“Of course we can.”

Once they were sitting at a table in a Dunkin, messily eating chocolate donuts, Charlie spoke.

“So…why did you wanna do this?” she asked.

“Get donuts?”

“No, foster me,” Charlie said, cracking a small smile.

“Oh, right,” Rosa said, laughing. “A lot of reasons, to be honest. I decided many years ago that relationships weren’t for me, and I haven’t had a girlfriend or a boyfriend in four years. I spent the time focusing on myself and growing my PI business, and I actually ended up making a lot of money that I had nothing to do with. I’ve always disliked babies and little children - too loud and smelly and annoying. But I’ve always understood teenagers…I was very fucked up as a teenager, you know, mentally. It was very rough. I have the time, I have the space, I have the money, and I have the desire to look after teenagers. So I decided to just do it. Everyone deserves a safe, happy place to grow up. God knows I didn’t have one.”

“That’s cool.”

“I’m glad you think so. You’re my first placement, and so this is quite new to me. I hope you feel comfortable with me.”

Charlie nodded.

“I like your apartment. And you’re nice. Generous to a fault, though.”

“How so?” Rosa asked, smiling.

“You’re buying me all this stuff. Dumb financial move, if you ask me.”

“It’s not dumb. Like I said, I have a lot of money, and nobody to spend it on. And you deserve to have someone to spoil you.”

“Are you a millionaire?”

“Not quite,” Rosa said, laughing.

“Also…what are the rules? Y’know, your rules for me. Every other foster home I’ve been to has been a home with multiple foster kids, and they usually start telling you the rules as soon as you arrive, or they’re up on stupid posters everywhere.”

“Oh, ummm, I hadn’t really thought about that. Well…you’re allowed to curse. You can read whatever books you want, but just ask to borrow them first. I’ll always say yes, but I just want to know where my books are. I’m a huge reader. And for movies and TV, you can watch whatever you want, but ask first if it’s X-rated. It will depend on the movie if I say yes to that or not. If you’re going to be out with your friends, let me know where, and who you’ll be with, and what time you want me to pick you up. I’m happy for you to have friends over, as long as you ask me first. I’ll probably always say yes, though. I think that’s it?”

“Oh. Oh, okay. You have no weird rules about forcing me to eat all my dinner and shit?”

“No - if you’re full or don’t like something, you don’t have to eat it.”

“It’s nice to live with somebody who’s actually sane,” Charlie said, smiling.

“I was also thinking that maybe we could try and do something together every day. It doesn’t have to be anything major, and not if you don’t want to, but we could watch TV and go out for food or something like that. Just to, you know, get to know each other a bit more. We don’t have to if you don’t want to, seriously, and it’s fine if some days you do want to and some days you don’t.”

“That would be nice,” Charlie said, smiling. “It’s really neat that you want to properly get to know me. Most foster parents don’t really bother, because fostering is always viewed as temporary.”

“As temporary as it may or may not be, I want to value the time I have with you. Bouncing from place to place with no stability can’t be easy.”

“It’s not, can confirm. And my social worker is so bad at listening to me about what I want. Everyone thinks I’m too young to make my own decisions.”

“Oh, you’re definitely not too young. I can already tell that you’re worlds more mature than a lot of 16, 17, 18 year olds. It’s really shitty that people don’t take into account what you want.”

“It is shitty,” she agreed, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. “But it’s just the way the system is, I suppose.”

“Well, Charlie, I’ll do my best to be everything you want or need. I know suddenly claiming ‘I’m going to be different!’ is outlandish considering that I’ve never fostered before, and you have a lot more experience with the foster system than me. But still, I’ll do my absolute best.”

“Considering that a new placement has never taken me out for donuts, or to buy stuff, or been casual about rules before, you seem pretty decent to me.”

Rosa smiled, taking a sip of her coffee. A warm, fuzzy feeling started to grow in her chest, and for the first time, she understood why Jake and Amy were so utterly besotted with McClane, and Charles with Nikolaj.

Chapter Text

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Rosa cursed, scrubbing at her wrist desperately in an attempt to stem the insistent flow of blood.

The tiles above the white porcelain sink in Babylon were smeared with her blood, the knife she kept in her boot lying discarded on the shelf. The blade shone with her sticky crimson, and the sleeve of her black shirt was stained, but at least it blended in well enough.

Eyes blurring with tears, Rosa couldn’t focus. Her arm was covered in a mess of old pink scars, with the stingingly fresh red blood jumping out at her. She’d been doing so well, staying clean at her girlfriend Becky’s insistence. Becky was probably right after all - it was a bad habit. But it was all she knew; all she’d known for so long. She knew it wasn’t something she could just…stop doing.

Bringing her out of her panic; her internal spiralling over what Becky would say, Jake’s voice rang out.

“Rosa? I know you’re in here!”

“Jake? What the fuck, man? This place is supposed to be a secret!” she spat, anger replacing her fear.

“Oh, Charles told me about it years ago. What’s going on, Rosa?”

“Nothing’s fucking going on, Jake!”

“Come on, I know that’s a lie. Like it or not, I know you very well - you’ve lost the ability to bullshit me.”

Rosa stayed quiet, a few tears beginning to drip down her cheeks.

“Rosa, I’m coming in,” he said.

“Jake-”

Before Rosa could protest, Jake opened the door, and his mouth opened a little at what he saw: blood smeared everywhere, a knife, Rosa clutching her arm.

“Oh. Oh, Rosa, it’s okay,” he said, gently.

“I…I’m sorry,” she began thickly.

“Don’t apologise. Do you have a first aid kit down here?”

“Under the sink,” she whispered.

“Sit down, Rosa. You don’t have to sort this out all on your own. Let someone help you, okay?”

Nodding, Rosa sat down heavily, her hair falling in her face as she stared at the floor to hide her tears. Kneeling down in front of her, Jake gently peeled her arm away from where she’d been pressing it to her front, and began wiping over it with antiseptic wipes. Biting her lip at the sting, he pressed down on the cuts with some tissues to try and get them to stop bleeding. Once the flow had calmed down a little more, he wrapped a bandage tightly around her arm, pulling her sleeve back down over it.

“So…I take it this is something you’ve done for a long time, huh?” he asked, sitting down next to her.

“Ever since I was a teenager. You?”

“Huh?”

“Jake. It’s obvious you’ve had run-ins with it too. You stayed calm for once in your life and knew how to help.”

“Okay, detective, you caught me. I started doing it when my dad left,” he said. “But this isn’t about me. Why do you still keep doing it?”

“Well…I just can’t really stop. It’s the only thing that makes me feel any better when I’m sad or angry. Everything I…feel…is so intense. This is literally the only thing that makes me feel calm.”

“I felt the same way, for so long. But Amy’s really helped me to stop. Do you have anybody like that?”

“My girlfriend is trying to make me stop. She means well, but she just doesn’t understand. I’m gonna go home tonight and she’s gonna yell at me for relapsing again. I can only stop for a couple weeks at a time…I need something to replace the feeling. I can’t just stop without using something else to calm me down.”

“Have you tried-”

“I’ve tried everything, Jake. I’ve tried rubber bands, dipping my face in ice water, I’ve tried exercise, I’ve tried journaling, I’ve tried distracting myself with music or reading or cooking or working. Nothing helps. And Becky, my girlfriend, she just…she starts doing the whole “stop for me, baby”, so I just feel like I disappoint her every time I slip back into it. I don’t know what to do any more.”

“Well, what really helped me is that I could actually talk to Amy about it, and she understood. She never tried to get me to “stop for her” - but she did encourage me to stop, reward me for staying clean, and then hold me while I cried if I slipped up again. She never got mad, she was never upset at me for relapsing, and she never punished or reprimanded me or anything. Do you think having a conversation about this with Becky might be helpful?”

“Maybe. I don’t know how much she gets about it. She thinks it means I want to kill myself, and I don’t.”

“If she doesn’t know that, can you really blame her? She isn’t doing the right things to help you, definitely, but do you think if you told her that she’d change?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is it worth a try?”

“I don’t want to make her break up with me,” she admitted. “This can’t be easy for her.”

“Rosa, but it isn’t easy for you. It’s even harder for you - you’ve been dealing with this since you were a kid. If she cares about you, she’ll listen, and make herself understand.”

“I’ll try. It’s just hard to talk about it with people.”

“You’re talking about it with me.”

“Yeah, but you’re you. I’ve known you since forever, and I know you understand.”

“Talk to Becky, Rosa. If things go awry, come straight over to mine and Amy’s place.”

“God, Amy’s had more of an impact on you than I thought. She’s got you caring about your friends and using the word ‘awry’,” Rosa said, cracking a smile.

“Oh, Rosa, as if I haven’t always cared about you, idiot,” Jake said. “I love you. As a friend, duh. I’m not trying to be weird.”

“I love you too Jake.”

Jake hugged her tightly, and Rosa hugged back. He kissed her forehead, and Rosa was grateful for his strong, big arms.

“I’ll talk to Becky tonight,” Rosa said, taking a deep breath.

“You can do it, Rosa. I know you can.”

“Thank you, Jake. I don’t do sappy shit, but you’ve been really helpful to me today.”

“Anytime, Rosa. Anytime at all.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, Jake,” Rosa said, coming up to his desk and sitting down on the edge of it.

“Hey! What’s up?” he asked, looking away from his computer screen and smiling at her.

“Do you wanna come over tonight?”

“Come over? As in…to your apartment?”

“Yeah,” Rosa shrugged.

“Oh, wow. Any particular reason, or just to hang?”

Rosa shrugged.

“Just to talk and drink beer. I know we don’t do game night anymore because we all got too busy, but you came to my apartment then, so it’s fine. I won’t move tomorrow.”

“Okay, well, I’ll definitely be there.”

“Great. 7?”

“Perfect.”

“I’ll order us some pizza. I know you’re busy with married life now, but I’ve missed hanging out with you the way we did in our academy days. Which is lame and disgusting, but, you know.”

“It is lame and disgusting,” Jake agreed, “but I’ve missed it too.”

Rosa cracked a small smile.

“I’ll see you later, then,” she said.

“See you later.”

**

When Jake arrived at Rosa’s apartment, Rosa was wearing black sweatpants, a black Bring Me The Horizon hoodie and some black fluffy socks.

“Wow. I think those are the most Rosa-esque pyjamas possible,” he chuckled.

“Shut up,” she said, rolling her eyes and grinning. “Pizza’s on its way. Beer?”

“I’d love one.”

Rosa got two bottles out of the fridge, opening them both and handing one to Jake.

“I thought we could sit on the balcony. It’s cold out, but I have blankets and two deck chairs out there. I really like looking out at the city at night. Makes me feel calm, and a bit less dead inside.”

“Sounds fun. I’m wearing layers anyway, so I won’t be too cold.”

While Jake went to the bathroom, the pizza arrived, so once he was done, they went outside together. The balcony had a little table, two deckchairs with several blankets and cushions on, and fairy lights strung all around. They emanated a soothing orange-yellow glow, adding to the cosiness of the atmosphere.

“Oh, Rosa, this is beautiful,” Jake said.

“Thanks. I like hanging out here. Arlo likes it too.”

They sat down on the chairs, putting the pizza box on the table between them. Rosa had ordered a large Meat Supreme, Jake’s favourite, and they split it between them, along with a side of fries and their beers. Eating in silence for a while, they looked out at the blur of city lights, and the rumble of traffic far below.

“I like living so far up,” Rosa said, breaking the comfortable quiet. “It’s annoying sometimes, being on the 25th floor, but I like it. Being so far away from the ground is weirdly comforting. I like listening to the soft buzz of the traffic, and I like the view. It’s dumb, but it really does make me feel calm.”

“It’s not dumb. It’s really nice. I feel like an aeroplane flying above the city.”

Rosa scoffed, unsurprised by Jake’s usual silly comments.

“Not to…you know, make things…deep. But I wanted to talk to you about something a bit more serious, and very personal. Is that okay?” Rosa said, voice a little shaky.

“Of course that’s okay, Rosa. What’s up?” Jake asked, voice soft.

“Well…your dad left, when you were a kid. How do you…deal with that? Because I’m finding it so hard without my dad. Even though we weren’t that close during my adult life up until about a year ago, I just miss him so much. And my mom too, of course. But especially my dad. We were so close when I was little, and all through my teenage years. My biggest fear was always disappointing him. My mom would have never been truly happy with me, no matter what I did or didn’t do, so I gave up chasing her validation a long time ago. But my dad? All I wanted was to make him happy. I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve disappointed him. If I hadn’t, why isn’t he still in my life?”

“Rosa…if you’ve ‘disappointed’ your parents by coming out to them as queer, then they aren’t worth having in your life. You are so loved and so cherished by so many people around you. You deserve all the love in the world, Rosa. It’s so shitty that they can’t give that to you. My dad was never ready to be a husband, let alone a father. He couldn’t do stability or monogamy or kindness or love. I don’t think he’s an intrinsically bad person, but I do think he couldn’t cope with what he got himself into. He was immature, but his own dad was shitty, so he was a product of his own environment. When I was a teenager, it was so difficult to cope with feeling so abandoned.”

“How did you? Cope, I mean.”

“Well, Gina was going through the same thing at the same time, and we managed to help each other a lot. So I’d recommend you try and meet some other queer people in the same position as you. It’ll probably be quite helpful.”

Rosa nodded.

“I just miss my parents so much. It’s so lame, so dumb and stupid. I’m a grown woman. But I just want to feel loved, so badly. I want to feel cared for.”

“I know it isn’t the same, but everyone at the precinct loves you and cares for you deeply, Rosa. And our love isn’t conditional on you being straight.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you guys. And I’m really not trying to be rude, but it just isn’t the same.”

“Of course it isn’t the same - and it’s not rude for you to point that out. Nothing can replace the relationship you have with your parents, no matter how many good people you have in your life. You just have to wait it out. It took years and years, but my parents got back together and my dad appears to be a bit more on the straight and narrow. Hopefully your parents will come around.”

“Realising you’re queer is so…hard. And sitting with it is even harder. Sometimes it feels like the guilt is eating you alive. It’s like your queerness and your self-hatred are adjacent in your mind for so long. You equate one with the other. And when you finally feel ready enough to share it with people, to be raw and honest with the people in your life about who you are, you’re just…boxed away. You’re labelled as something “other”, rejected and treated differently. For no real reason, because I’m no different now than I ever have been. I was born bisexual. I spent eighteen years living in my parents’ house as a bisexual person, bringing home my high school girlfriend right under their noses. But for some reason I’m not the same person anymore, and I cannot stand that. Charles…I know he’s your best friend, and I know he meant well, but he made me feel so fucking uncomfortable with my sexuality in that month or so where he knew but no one else at work did. I just want everyone to realise that I’m the same person I always have been, and treat me the way they always have. I knew coming out would change things, but I didn’t realise it would change so much.”

“I can talk to Charles if you want me to, because that’s really not on. As your best friend and an active ally, it’s literally my job to make sure you feel comfortable at work.”

“Would you mind? But don’t tell him it came from me though. Just say you thought it might be upsetting me or something.”

“Consider it done. Is everyone else being okay? Amy, Gina, Terry? I know Amy’s my fiancee, but if she’s doing stuff to make you feel unhappy, please tell me.”

“No, no, of course she isn’t. Gina’s fine. Terry’s ‘over-allyship’ is a bit disconcerting, but truly, it’s fine. I just…I wish I’d never said anything. I wish I’d never come out.”

“Rosa, don’t say that,” Jake said, taking her hand. “If you’d never come out, you’d have kept on hating yourself forever, living in secrecy and shame. And you don’t deserve that. I’m so sorry about your parents. You don’t deserve that either.”

“We all have things happen to us that we didn’t deserve, I guess. Like your dad being shitty.”

“Yeah. You’re right.”

“Is there anything else that you think might help me, from your experience?” Rosa asked, squeezing his hand and then letting go of it to wipe her eyes.

“Well, I’ve already said finding people in the same position as you. But I’d also say that seeing your friends and chosen family as much as possible is helpful. Keep yourself busy and distracted. Surrounding yourself with people who make you feel loved will help to ease the pain a little. The loneliness is what kills. Every night when I came home from school to an empty house and stayed on my own for hours on end, I would just cry and cry. So me and Gina started going to Nana’s every night. You’re always welcome at mine and Amy’s place.”

“Thank you.”

“I know it all feels so hard, and so unfair…but you can get through this Rosa, I promise you. It’ll be difficult, but someday it won’t be as painful. Please remember you haven’t done anything wrong, Roro.”

“Don’t call me 'Roro',” she said, grimacing. “But yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry for being so emo.”

“You have nothing to apologise for. We all need to be emo with our friends sometimes.”

Nodding, Rosa wiped her eyes with the corner of her sleeve, looking out at the swirling city ahead of her.

Chapter Text

Rolling over in bed, Gina groaned, squashing her fist down on her alarm. She knuckled her eyes, forcing herself to sit up slowly and swing her legs round, despite the agonising throbbing in her ribs.

“Fucking hell,” she said, exhaling deeply.

Clutching her side, she got up, shuffling into the kitchen. She swallowed down her prescription painkillers, along with her antidepressant, and poured a bowl of cereal. Sitting down on the couch, wincing in pain, she started to shovel the food into her mouth.

“Please, please, baby, just stop it,” Gina begged, backing away rapidly.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” he roared, lunging at her.

When his fist made contact with her ribs, Gina heard a definite crack, and fell to the floor, gasping for air.

Blinking sharply, Gina abandoned her half-eaten bowl on the coffee table, suddenly too nauseous to eat. She showered, trying to ignore the pain and mess of purple bruises. The sight of them alone made her well up, but she forced herself to focus on something else. They’d be gone in a week or two.

At work, she could barely focus with the aggressive throbbing punctuating her every thought. She’d taken as many painkillers as she could, but still, they barely took the edge off. Uncomfortable in her chair, Gina sat back, watching the business of the precinct swirl around her. The two sides of her brain were at war with each other - half was desperate to hide her injuries, half was begging for someone to notice; someone to care. Her head thumped due to how exhausted she was, and she couldn’t wait to escape the fluorescent lights.

As soon as she got home, she went straight to bed. She was so exhausted that she felt like she could fall asleep in seconds, but the memory of the event plagued her mind. Eventually, a repeated, insistent knocking on her door pulled her out of her spiral, and she dragged herself up to answer it.

“Rosa?” she asked, rubbing her eyes as the bright hallway lights poured into her dark apartment, momentarily blinding her.

“Hey,” she said, voice soft. “You seemed really off today. I noticed you didn’t eat any lunch, and you seemed…hurt. I brought some food. Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Gina said, surprised.

Gina sat down on the couch, and Rosa put wolfie over the top of her, sitting down beside her. She opened the big brown paper bag she’d brought with her, handing Gina two takeout containers, one of chow mein, the other of dumplings: Gina’s favourite.

“So, what’s going on with you?” Rosa asked, beginning to eat her own spring rolls and beef stir fry.

“Rosa, I’m fine.”

“Bullshit,” she replied, raising her eyebrows at her.

Gina squirmed uncomfortably.

“Look, you don’t need to tell me what’s going on if you don’t want to. But I’m here for you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to care for you, then I’m here.”

“My boyfriend. Well, ex boyfriend,” Gina said, pulling up her t-shirt so Rosa could see the bruise-blackened skin on the left side of her ribcage.

“He…he hit you?” Rosa asked.

“Yep. Well, punched me. It hurt like a bitch.”

“Have you been to the hospital?” Rosa asked, trying to control her anger.

“Yeah. I have three broken ribs.”

“Fucking hell. Have they given you anything?”

“Some painkillers. But they don’t touch how much it hurts.”

“Fuck, Gina. I hope you told him you’re done with him.”

“Of course.”

“When did this happen?”

“Five days ago. So I’m still 0% healed.”

“Why are you coming to work? You need to be at home, with someone looking after you.”

“I have no one to look after me,” she shrugged, laughing hollowly.

“You have me.”

“I didn’t want to bother anyone.”

“Gina,” Rosa said, gently tipping her chin up so she could meet her eyes, “you can always bother me. Especially when it comes to abusive ex boyfriends.”

“Thanks.”

“Now, what can I do to help?”

“Well…I need to change my bedsheets. And wash some clothes, too.”

“Consider it done. What else?”

“Ugh, I dunno. I need to sleep, but it’s really hard.”

“Because of the pain?”

“The pain, and, you know…thinking about what happened,” she mumbled.

“I’ll stay with you tonight.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. If it’ll make you feel safer, then I’m very happy to.”

“I also need to wash my hair, and do dishes.”

“Leave the dishes to me, Gines.”

“What, you not gonna help me wash my hair?” Gina flirted.

“Shut up,” Rosa said, rolling her eyes and grinning.

Later, Gina would swear she saw a blush tint Rosa’s cheeks at her comment.

“Okay, so once we’ve finished eating I’ll sort your laundry out, and you go in the shower,” Rosa said, hurriedly moving on.

“Thank you for all this, you know. You didn’t have to.”

“But, Gina, I care about you.”

“Who are you, and what have you done with Rosa Diaz?” she teased.

“I mean it,” Rosa said softly.

Rosa cleared away the takeout containers, and then got to work stripping Gina’s bed for her. It took a surprisingly long time to take all of Gina’s 1000 blankets and pillows off the bed, and also her wolf stuffed animal, but Gina was a woman who liked to live in excess. She put the purple sheets in the washing machine, and started to put on the fresh fuschia ones Gina had got out the cupboard for her.

“Rosa?” Gina called from the bathroom.

“Are you alright?” Rosa asked, coming up to the door.

“I, uh…I think I need help getting my shirt off. It hurts my ribs too much to lift my left arm. Can you come in?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Rosa opened the door, finding Gina stood in her black panties and pink pyjama t-shirt. Trying not to show how flustered she was, and planning on blaming the steam pouring out from behind the shower curtain if Gina pointed it out, she tentatively approached.

“Um, so, do you want me to try and get it off without lifting your arm?” Rosa asked.

“Yeah, yes please.”

Rosa pulled the t-shirt downwards, easing Gina’s left arm out of it, and then pulled it over her head and uninjured side of her body.

“There,” Rosa said, trying not to look at Gina’s bra.

“Thank you,” Gina said, looking up and smiling at her.

It suddenly occurred to Rosa how close they were. Gina maintained eye contact between them for a few intense seconds, and Rosa put her hand on her hip, touching Gina’s bare skin.

“I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” she said, blushing furiously and stepping away.

“Rosa, shut up,” Gina said, grinning, her good arm roping her in.

Their lips connected tenderly, and Rosa wrapped her arms around her back, cradling her close as gently as she could. Ending the kiss, they both giggled a little breathily, resting their foreheads together.

“So…what does this mean?” Rosa asked.

“It means I like you, idiot. Do you…feel the same?”

“Of course I do.”

“So…a date?”

“Yeah. I’ll take you out for lunch tomorrow. If you want me to, of course.”

“Obviously I want you to.”

Rosa kissed her again, sighing happily.

“Come on, wash your hair. I’ll do the dishes and put some laundry on,” she said.

“Okay, fine. But then you have to kiss me more.”

“I can definitely do that,” Rosa grinned.

Rosa got the laundry put on and did the dishes while Gina washed her hair as fast as she could, and then enlisted an again-flustered Rosa to help her back into her pyjamas. She gave Rosa some pyjamas, pouting when Rosa insisted on changing in the bathroom.

“So…am I sleeping in your bed or on the couch?” Rosa asked.

“In my bed, so long as you’re comfortable with it.”

“I very much am.”

Both of them smiling, Rosa climbed in beside her, kissing her again. After a few minutes of gentle making out, Gina pulled away, and positioned herself to lie comfortably half on top of Rosa, head tucked under her chin.

“Do you wanna talk about what happened a bit more?” Rosa asked, playing with her auburn hair and looking at the ceiling.

“I don’t know if there’s really anything more to say other than that he’s a dick who thought it was okay to punch his girlfriend.”

“You’re safe, right? He isn’t going to come back?”

“He isn’t gonna come back, and he didn’t have a key anyway so he can’t get to me. He took all his stuff and he didn’t seem to be all that bothered when I told him I never wanted to see him again.”

“God, I wanna fucking kill that guy,” Rosa said, gritting her teeth.

“You and me both,” Gina chuckled. “But being angry won’t help anything. It won’t change what he did.”

“You’re right,” Rosa said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “How are you coping so well with it? I’d be a mess if I were you.”

“Oh, honey, I am a mess. It’s just easier when you’re here.”

“Damn, you really like me or something?” Rosa teased.

“Yeah, I do,” Gina said, smiling.

“But, seriously…I’m really sorry you went through that, Gina.”

“It’s okay - I have you.”

Chapter Text

On their late lunch break, Rosa had agreed with surprising readiness to accompany Amy to a cheap diner. They were just biting into greasy burgers when Amy spoke, glancing at her phone.

“I know silence is usually your thing, but…we haven’t heard from Jake in a while,” she said, a little puzzled.

“Ha! Maybe dude’s finally matured and realised he needs to leave us alone,” Rosa said.

“I highly doubt that - Jake’s never going to mature. Come to think of it…it’s been, like, three hours since he’s shown up to where we are, or even texted us. Do you think he’s okay?”

“Why you so worried about him?” Rosa teased, eyebrow raised.

“Shut up! Stop suggesting whatever you’re suggesting!” she said, blushing furiously. “He’s my friend. Well, he’s my coworker. I’m worried about him.”

“I’m sure he’s fine. He’s probably day drinking or something.”

“God, I hope he’s not. I worry about him.”

“I know you do. But, as immature as Jake is, he has his head screwed on right. He’ll be fine, Amy.”

At that moment, Rosa’s phone started ringing.

“I have to take this,” she said, shielding the screen from Amy’s view.

“Oh! Okay.”

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Escaping to the privacy of the street, Rosa answered the call.

“Gines, are you alright, baby?” she asked, voice much softer than it usually was.

“Rosa, they lied to me,” Gina whispered, voice thick with tears.

“Who did, my love?”

“Captain Holt and-and Terry. They didn’t come to my dance show. They told me they did, and they complimented me, and now Holt’s fessed up. God, I just feel so fucking stupid. I knew I wasn’t worth any of their precious time, but fuck, this is just rubbing it in even more,” she sobbed.

“Oh, baby, baby, no! Don’t think like that, please. You absolutely are worthy of their time,” Rosa countered. “My blood is fucking boiling. How dare those dicks fucking lie to you! You’re an amazing dancer, and it’s them who missed out, not you.”

“I’ll never dance again.”

“Baby, but you love dancing. And you’re wonderful at it.”

“You’re probably lying to me as well,” Gina said bitterly.

“Gin, I’d never lie to you. You don’t deserve that, baby.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you with this. I know you’re out working.”

“Gina, honey, if you need me, always come to me, alright? You’re not a burden.”

“God, I just…I feel so worthless,” she sobbed.

“You aren’t worthless, Gin.”

“Someone’s coming. I need to go,” Gina said, voice raspy.

“Okay, darling. I love you so much. Call me again if you need me.”

“I love you too. Bye, Rosa.”

“Bye, honey.”

Hanging up, Rosa quickly typed out a message to her girlfriend.

Rosa: look after yourself, princess. You are so loved and so worthy and so cherished, and you did nothing to deserve this. I love you so much 💕💕💕

Going back inside, she sat down at the table with Amy, picking her burger back up. Amy had pretty much finished eating, and was scrutinising something on her phone.

“Is everything okay?” Amy asked.

“Yep.”

“Oh, okay. Is that all I’m gonna get?”

“Yep.”

“Fair enough. I know you don’t like getting personal.”

“I don’t. What are you looking at? You seemed pretty deep in thought.”

“These pictures Jake sent us,” she said, putting her phone on the table and sliding it in Rosa’s direction. “Look - the same rundown ice cream van has appeared in the backs of a few of them. Seems a bit odd.”

“These locations are all really far apart,” Rosa said. “Like, there’s no way the ice cream van just went in the same direction as him by chance.”

“He was followed! But why? And by who? Do you think it was an undercover cop, or the Feds? After all, it is suspected that he’s a drug-using police officer who’s been suspended. Maybe they’re trying to build a proper case against him?”

“Let’s head back to the precinct. We need to run the plates of that van.”

**

Back at the precinct, Rosa and Amy ran the plates of the van, and found it linked to a strangling that had occurred a year prior.

“Okay, we need to issue an APB on this,” Rosa said.

“On it,” Amy said.

“Even if it isn’t anything to do with Jake, this is still extremely suspicious. Who would want a beat-up murder ice cream truck except for a criminal?”

“Agreed.”

“I need to take care of some stuff. I’ll be back. Can you sort the APB?”

“Oh! Alright. Yeah, of course.”

Heading down to Babylon, where she knew Gina would be hiding out, Rosa tried to swallow some of the anger bubbling inside her. She clenched her fists, palms clammy, trying to distract herself from her thoughts of murder. Pulling out the rack of files and opening the door, she found Gina curled up on the couch, surrounded by crumpled up tissues.

“Oh, Gina, Gina, baby, oh, I’m here,” Rosa said, wrapping her arms around her hurriedly.

“I just feel so stupid, Rosa. You know I can’t fucking handle rejection,” she sobbed, gripping onto her t-shirt and folding into her. “They don’t give a shit about me.”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I’m here for you, darling, I’m here for you.”

“I just want people to care about me. Is it really that hard? Am I that fucking unloveable?”

“Gina, I care about you immensely. And you’re the most loveable creature in the world, my love - I promise you. People are just shitty to those who don’t deserve it.”

Gina’s tears slowed, and Rosa wiped her face carefully, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Wash your face, baby, and we can sort your makeup out. God, your skin looks so sore, honey.”

“It is,” Gina agreed, sniffing.

She washed her face with cold water, and then sat down so Rosa could gently redo her makeup. Keeping the routine simple, Rosa blended concealer into her face, added some blush and powder, then finally, some mascara.

“There. You look beautiful, Gines,” Rosa said when she was done.

“Thanks, babe. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They shared a tender kiss, lips lingering for a few seconds.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, but I need to get back to the case,” Rosa said, tucking a stray lock of Gina’s auburn hair behind her ear.

“Don’t apologise. Are you coming over tonight?”

“Of course I am.So long as you want me to?”

“Duh.”

“Then I’ll be there.”

“Great. I’ll see you later, baby.”

“I’ll see you later.”

Rosa pecked her lips, and then went back upstairs, leaving Gina curled up on the couch with wolfie.

**

Rosa knocked sharply on the window of the ice cream truck, putting on her best valley girl voice.

“Are you open?” she called sweetly, and Amy’s jaw fell open.

“Whaaaat?” she whispered, incredulous.

“Shut up, Santiago,” Rosa hissed back.

The window slotted open, and Rosa grabbed onto Geoffrey Hoytsman’s shirt, yanking him in one smooth movement out of the truck and onto the pavement, face down.

“Don’t hurt me! I’m someone’s little boy!” he whined, Rosa pinning his wrists behind his back.

“Geoffrey Hoytsman, you’re under arrest,” Amy said, gun pointed at him.

“Ow,” he moaned feebly.

**

“I can’t believe you guys found me!” Jake exclaimed as Amy peeled the duct tape off his wrists. “Wait, how did you find me?”

“You hadn’t done anything super annoying to us for, like, five hours, so we knew something was wrong,” Rosa said, glaring.

“Oh, that’s very insulting, but dead on,” Jake said, removing the gag around his neck and giving it to Amy, who tossed it back into the van in disgust.

“We looked through those irritating selfies you sent us, and in the background of three of them was an ice cream truck,” Amy said, an edge of pride in her voice.

“We ran the plates and put out an APB,” Rosa continued. “I’m sorry we doubted anyone was sabotaging you.”

“No, I’m the one who should apologise,” Jake countered. “For some reason, I have trouble believing people actually have my back. I don’t know why. Probably my dad abandoning me,” he said, nodding awkwardly. “Maybe something I should work out in therapy, but…who has an hour to spare once every two weeks, right?! Anyways, I’m sorry I acted like a jackass.”

“Wow, Jake, you’re so sincere since you got off coke,” Amy joked.

“And meth. That was the hard one to kick.”

“No, the hard one to kick is angel dust,” Hoytsman interrupted, from where he was sitting handcuffed on the curb, “which is why I am locked in for life.”

**

When Rosa arrived at Gina’s apartment after work, the two settled on the sofa, cuddling with their fingers intertwined on one hand.

“So…how are you feeling, Gin?” Rosa asked gently.

“I’m okay, actually. Holt apologised, and it felt quite sincere. Also, he gave me $200 for Dancy Reagan to perform at two of his at-risk youth programme meetings.”

“Nice! I’m proud of you, honey. What are you gonna do with the $200?”

“I was thinking we could have a night away somewhere. Just some shitty hotel upstate for the night, but we could get drunk and eat takeout in bed.”

“That would be incredible,” Rosa said, kissing the top of her head. “I’d love to get away with you. We should think about taking a proper vacation abroad somewhere. But a quick one-night getaway together would also be wonderful.”

“I’m glad you think so. I love you.”

“I love you too, Gina. So damn much.”

Chapter Text

Opening her apartment door, Amy stepped out of her shoes putting them neatly by the door. She set her bag down on the kitchen worktop and put her keys neatly on the hook, pouring a big glass of wine and flopping down on the couch.

Tears filled her eyes as she thought about Gina’s words from the day. Did she really have no sense of style? The pantsuits made her feel comfortable in herself - professional, put together, and prepared for the day.

Going into the bathroom with her glass, she undressed down to her underwear and stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes went blurry as she stared at herself. Amy’s sensible white panties and bra were the very opposite of sexy, and certainly didn’t flatter her smaller boobs. As Gina frequently pointed out, it was no wonder she couldn’t find a boyfriend. She squeezed the loose skin on her hips, digging into the flesh with her nails.

Draining the rest of her glass of wine, Amy crawled into bed, tears soaking into her pillow. Her mind swirled. Was she really ugly, unloveable, pathetic? Gina was the first to criticise Amy’s prudeness, but hey, sue her for wanting genuine emotional connections with people. But, despite this, Amy still wanted to feel sexual and desirable, like somebody wanted her. Gina squashed her yearning for love and passion under her heel like a bug.

**

The next day when Amy woke up, her misery still lingered, but had largely been replaced by anger. She got ready, and selected a red lip to go with her pantsuit today. She wanted to prove to Gina, and to herself, that she could feel pretty.

When she sauntered into the precinct, she set her bag down and approached Gina, who was sitting at her desk staring at her phone.

“I need to talk to you,” Amy said.

“‘Kay.”

“Somewhere private.”

“Not moving.”

Amy grabbed onto her sleeve, yanking her upwards and in the direction of a supply closet.

“Jesus, Santiago! What’s got you feeling so angsty, huh?” Gina asked in annoyance, shaking her off but continuing to follow.

“You!” Amy spat, shutting the door to the closet behind them. “You’re constantly berating me about my appearance - you don’t let up with the insults and snide remarks. And, frankly, if you’re so omniscient about this stuff, tell me exactly what’s wrong with me, and tell me how to fix it.”

“Huh? I never said there was anything wrong with you,” Gina protested.

“Well, your relentless insults seem to suggest so. Come on, tell me. I can take it.”

“I don’t…look, I didn’t mean it, okay? I was just joking around,” she said, going red.

“Yeah, well, it’s not funny.”

“I…I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“You need to stop criticising me. It’s even worse when it’s random lies meant to make me feel small. Not a good look for you, Gina.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll stop.”

“Thank you.”

Amy heaved a sigh of relief.

Chapter Text

Having snuck away from the rest of the squad, Rosa was in the Boyle cousins' bathroom, her head in the toilet. She'd barely managed to eat anything, but was still violently throwing up. Once the nausea eased a little, she leaned back against the cool tile wall, taking a deep breath.

"Rosa? Are you okay?" Charles said, knocking on the door.

"I-I'm fine!" she called, trying not to sound panicked.

"Are you sure? I could hear you throwing up. I got you some water. Can I come in?"

"Yeah, okay."

Rosa flushed the toilet and Charles came in, sitting beside her and handing her the glass. She took a few sips, easing the burning in her throat.

"I thought Diazes don't get sick, huh?" he said, smiling.

"I'm not sick," she said.

"Then what's up?"

"It's nothing."

"Come on, Rosa. It's me, you can tell me anything, and I'll keep it a secret. Seriously, you can trust me on this."

"Charles, really, nothing's wrong."

Charles looked at her pointedly.

"Please, Charles, you can't tell anybody," she whispered.

"Lips are sealed."

"I...I'm pregnant."

"But...but you and Gina. You only told us two weeks ago that you're together! I love you, Rosa, you're my friend, but I can't condone you cheating on my sister. And I can confirm that she doesn't have the ability to knock you up!"

"I didn't cheat. We only made it official and became exclusive a week before we told the squad. We'd been seeing each other a couple of months, but kept it low-key, and we'd agreed we could see other people. I had sex with a guy a couple of days before we became exclusive and the condom broke. I'm on the pill so I thought it would be fine but I think I took one late. I only found out I'm pregnant three days ago, and I don't know how to tell Gina. If she finds out she's going to break up with me. I can't be a mom, Charles. I just can't. I've decided to get an abortion, but me and Gina see each other every day. I can't get one without her realising."

"Oh, Rosa, c'mere."

Charles wrapped his arms around Rosa, holding her tightly as she sobbed.

"I love her so much, Charles. I can't lose her."

"Gina's reasonable, Rosa. If you explain to her what's happened and the choice you're making, she'll understand."

"But what if she doesn't? I already feel so guilty, and I couldn't stand it if she left me. I need her, Charles."

"Everything's gonna be okay, Rosa, I promise you. You'll figure it out."

"Ugh. I hate this so much. I feel so ill. And the sex wasn't even that good. I don't know why I kept sleeping with other people - Gina's all I want, and has been ever since we went on our first date. I'm such a slut."

"Come on, Rosa, don't slut shame yourself! That isn't going to help anything. You were perfectly within your right to sleep with whoever you wanted."

“I know. I just feel so fucking guilty.”

“Don’t - guilt won’t change anything. It’ll only eat you up inside. Do you want me to leave you to it?”

“Yeah, yes please. I’ll be back up soon.”

Rosa paused.

“Thanks for your help, Charles.”

“You’re welcome, Rosa. This is what friends do for each other.”

Charles squeezed her hand and then left the bathroom. Once Rosa's tears had slowed, she washed her face and they went back downstairs to sit with the rest of the squad.

**

"Thanks for being there for me yesterday," Rosa said, approaching Charles at Shaw's the next day.

"Oh, you don't need to thank me, Rosa. I do think you should tell Gina, though."

"Maybe. I'll think about it. I'm only about a month along, so I have some time to figure shit out. I want an abortion, though."

"I'm proud of you for making that choice. I know how hard it is."

"Yeah, it is fucking hard. But it's definitely the right decision. I don't want kids and I know I wouldn't be a good enough mom."

Charles hugged her tightly, and Rosa leaned into it, for once appreciating the affection.

**

Five days later, Jake and Rosa were out on a routine arrest of a drug dealer they'd tracked down.

"NYPD, open up!" Jake called, knocking the door firmly.

Rosa bounced on her heels, heart thumping as adrenaline coursed through her body. There was nothing unusual about this call, but there was something about tracking down criminals that gave her a rush like no other. It was probably the sense of danger, which Rosa found intoxicating.

Upon hearing no movement, Jake barged the door open with his shoulder, entering immediately. Catching sight of their guy running towards the fire escape, Rosa instantly gave chase, following him down the few flights of stairs into the alley behind the apartment building.

The cool wind hit her face as she sprinted after him. It was moments like this where Rosa felt at peace: her mind was quiet as she was laser-focused on her goal.

She saw a figure spring out from behind a dumpster, and then she was being punched fiercely in the chest, knocking the wind out of her, and she fell to the floor.

The next thing she became aware of was Jake yelling her name, but the searing pain in her chest and the blockage in her throat meant she couldn’t answer him. Seizing up as she tried to take a breath, Rosa’s head swam.

Finally managing to get some air into her lungs, Rosa spoke.

“I-I’m okay,” she croaked feebly.

She coughed, and then yelped at the pain the movement resulted in.

“Oh, thank fuck!” Jake said, still kneeling on the back of the wriggling perp.

“I’ve called for backup. And for an ambulance for you.”

“I don't need an ambulance,” she insisted weakly.

“Bullshit, Diaz.”

“Okay, fine,” Rosa said, letting her head fall back onto the concrete. “Maybe I do need to go to the hospital.”

Jake held down the writhing perp for another couple of minutes while Rosa lay still on the ground on Jake's insistence. When backup arrived and took the perp, Jake instantly rushed to Rosa's side.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“It hurts so bad.”

“What does, Rosa?”

“My head and my chest.”

“Shit, shit, okay. The ambulance will be here soon.”

It only took another minute for the ambulance to arrive, and Rosa was instantly swarmed by paramedics, and then lifted into the ambulance and rushed away.

**

When Gina arrived at the ER, she ran up to the reception desk, panicking.

“Excuse me? Can you tell me where Rosa Diaz is? Is she okay?” she asked, breathing heavily.

“She’s in a side room. I’ll take you to her,” the receptionist said, and led Gina to her girlfriend.

“Rosa? Oh my God, Rosa, please tell me you’re okay,” Gina said, sitting in the chair by her bed and taking her hand.

“I’m okay, baby,” Rosa replied.

“Thank God.”

Gina started to weep in relief, resting her forehead against Rosa’s shoulder.

“When they told me you got hurt in the line of duty I thought I’d come here and find you dead or blown up or shot or something. I was so fucking scared. What happened?”

“Perp punched me in the chest while I was chasing him, and then I smacked my head off the floor. I think my ribs are broken, and I’m worried I have a concussion. I was winded real bad.”

“I hope he rots in prison forever.”

“Well, maybe not forever, but for a good while. Assaulting an officer is a serious crime, you know, as is resisting arrest.”

Gina kissed her softly.

“I love you, Rosa. So much.”

“I love you so much too. I don’t think we’ve said the ‘so much’ before.”

“I don’t think we have. Well, this is hardly a romantic setting, but I don’t really care.”

“Miss Diaz, we’re ready to take you up to x-ray, and we’ll do a CT scan to make sure you haven’t suffered brain damage. We just have to check first, as there is a slightly elevated risk, is there a chance you might be pregnant?” a nurse asked, coming into the room.

Rosa stayed silent.

“Rosa?” Gina asked, voice small.

“Nurse, please can you give us a minute?” Rosa asked.

“Of course,” she replied, leaving the room.

“Okay, Gina, I never intended for you to find out like this, but…I’m pregnant,” Rosa said, trying not to cry. “I didn’t cheat on you. About a week before we became exclusive, I hooked up with a guy, but the condom broke. I thought it’d be fine, ‘cause I’m on the pill, but I must’ve taken one late or something. I’m sorry, Gina.”

“When did you find out?”

“Only a week ago. I wasn’t trying to hide it from you, I just needed some time to figure out how to tell you and what I was going to do. I was so terrified of losing you, Gina.”

Gina wrapped her arms around her neck, kissing Rosa’s cheek.

“You’re not going to lose me, honey. We’ll figure this out. Have you decided what you want to do?”

“I’m getting an abortion,” Rosa said. “I wouldn’t be a good mom. And you’re my priority right now.”

“I’m proud of you, Rosa. That’s a very brave choice to make.”

“Thank you. I’m so sorry, Gina. I did everything I could to prevent it, I promise.”

“I know you did. And even if you hadn’t, it wouldn’t change anything.”

“Are you mad?”

“Of course I’m not.”

“I love you so much, Gina.”

“I love you so much too.”

**

Rosa had a CT scan and an x-ray, and was found to have broken ribs. Thankfully, she escaped without brain damage, so was given some painkillers for her ribs and sent on her way.

Once they were back at Rosa’s apartment, the two of them sat cuddled up in bed eating Chinese takeout, a heat pack on Rosa’s sore chest.

“So…back to the pregnancy,” Gina began carefully. “If you want to keep it, I’m confident that you and I will figure stuff out. I’m not opposed to a little mini Rosa running around.”

“I don’t want to keep it. I’m not ready to be a mother, and I don’t know if I ever will be. Plus, I have no way of contacting the father. It isn’t right for me to bring a baby into the world when I know I wouldn’t be able to care for it the way it deserves.”

“You aren’t just saying that because of me, right? I want you to do what’s best for you, Rosa. I’m not trying to convince you not to get an abortion, I’m 100% pro-choice, but I just don’t want to be the one affecting what you want.”

“You’re not affecting my decision, Gines. I know it’s right for me to have an abortion.”

“I’m so proud of you, Rosa.”

“Thanks, honey.”

“We’ll get through all this together, Ro. Both the abortion and your shattered ribs. Have you been having any pregnancy symptoms?”

“Morning sickness. Well, all-day sickness. That’s what made me take a test. On the road trip, Charles found out because I was throwing up at his cousins’ house.”

“Was he helpful, at all?”

“He was, surprisingly. He encouraged me to tell you, but I was just…too scared. I was going to tell you at some point, but I just was so worried about what you’d say. I didn’t want you to think that I’d cheated.”

“I know you didn’t, honey, don’t worry. And I’m not going anywhere - you’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.”

“I’m not complaining about that whatsoever,” she said, smiling.

Chapter Text

Jake and Charles were on a 3-day stakeout, hiding out in a mostly unfurnished apartment across the street from a dumpster where a high-profile Gigglepig supplier was supposedly storing deliveries of supplies. Their home for three days had mouldy, peeling walls, a moth-eaten, saggy couch, a fridge, a table, four chairs and one single bed. The bathroom was equally disgusting: it was covered in yet more mould, the shower barely got warm, and the mirror had an ominous crack right down the centre.

While Charles was taking a sleep shift, Jake felt himself nodding off on a chair, as he was meant to be staring out of the window and waiting to take photos of suspects. It wasn’t being in such close proximity with Charles that was driving him crazy - it was the gnawing hunger pains. He couldn’t purge while sharing only two rooms with his detective best friend, so his only option was to not eat, or to avoid food as much as possible.

When Charles’ alarm went off, Jake started awake.

“You sleep okay buddy?” he asked, trying to stifle his yawn.

“Oh, so good,” Charles said, sitting up. “This sleep apnea mask is incredible.”

Jake laughed hollowly.

“I’m going to make some toast, you want some?” Charles asked.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Cereal? We still have plenty of your milk left. My unpasteurized sheep milk is running low, though.”

“I’m fine, Charles, seriously.”

“Did you eat while I was asleep?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“What did you have?” he asked dubiously.

“I dunno, some cereal or something.”

“If you’re sure.”

“Of course I’m sure,” Jake scoffed.

“Just looking out for you, buddy.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry for snapping, I’m just…tired. Think I’m gonna get some sleep.”

“Alright. I warmed the bed up for you!”

“Thanks,” Jake replied, grimacing.

As soon as he lay down on the hard mattress, he was out like a light.

**

When Jake’s alarm went off, he curled up into the foetal position, groaning.

“Rise and shine, Jakey!” Charles said, hovering over him.

Jake just groaned again.

“My my, someone has a case of the grumpies!”

Jake tried to pull himself out of bed, but the pounding in his head, weakness in his muscles, and pain in his stomach meant he just collapsed straight onto the hard wooden floor.

“Jake? Jake? Jake, are you okay?” Charles asked frantically, but to Jake, his voice sounded like a far-off, distant hum.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled.

“You’re clearly not fine! I’m calling Captain Holt.”

Too weak to even protest, Jake just lay on the floor with his eyes closed.

**

He was driven back to the precinct swiftly by Terry, Amy replacing him on the stakeout. Charles had been in tears, and no assurances from anyone had made him calm down. Despite his many faults, Charles did, at least, have lots of love for his friends. Holt greeted Jake and Terry at the elevator, and ushered Jake into his office. He spoke to Terry for a few minutes outside the door, and then entered, closing the door and blinds. He observed Jake’s exhausted form, sitting crumpled in the chair opposite his desk. His cheekbones were carved out, his skin pallid, and his eyes deep-set with alarmingly dark bags underneath them.

“Jake,” he began, voice soft.

“I’m sorry,” Jake began. “I shouldn’t have fallen asleep.”

“Jake, you have nothing to apologise for. I’m sorry I didn’t notice anything was wrong, when it very clearly is. When was the last time you ate something?”

“Two days ago.”

“When was the last time you ate something and kept it down?”

“I don’t even know,” Jake said, laughing hollowly.

“What’s going on, Jake? What’s going on inside your head?”

“I just…I can’t eat. I need to make myself as small as possible so I don’t take up too much space in everyone’s life. I can’t stand the worry of being abandoned anymore.”

“This stems from your father?”

Jake nodded, a few tears dripping down his cheeks.

“Forgive me, Jake, but I am feeling rather angry with him. You do not deserve to be feeling his way.”

“I want to get better,” Jake whispered. “I want to get better so badly. I want to be able to enjoy food without feeling so guilty I need to purge afterwards, and starve myself as a punishment. I want to like my body and feel wanted by my friends.”

“Jake, you are wanted by your friends. For nobody here, at least, how worthy you are to them doesn’t depend on your weight. You are so loved by so many people in your life.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

“I promise you, Jake, you are loved.”

“What happens now?”

“Well, you’re going to be suspended - with pay - due to mental instability. And, if you’re agreeable, I think you should come and stay with me for a while. So we can ensure you’re safe, and help start guiding you into recovery. You’ve said you want to get better, and that’s the first step.”

“But what about Kevin?”

“I have already consulted Kevin, and he is very agreeable. He believes it is what is best for you also.”

“Okay. I’ll…okay.”

**

Kevin and Holt helped Jake move what he needed into the guest bedroom at their house. To begin with, Jake spent a lot of time in bed, but once he regained some more energy, he liked going for walks and sitting in the living room to watch TV. He even managed to convince Kevin to play Mario Kart with him a couple of times. He missed the precinct and policing a lot, but he worked hard to fill the void by throwing himself into recovery. It was so immeasurably hard, and he relapsed several times.

But Holt and Kevin were there to guide him through both the ups and the downs, and they always sat at the table with him until he finished his meals, no matter how long it took. The therapist Holt found for him helped a great deal, as did the meal plan she created for him. Under the therapist’s guidance, Jake wrote a list of his ‘fear foods’, aiming to challenge at least one a week. He often invited a member of the squad out with him, and he, Rosa, Amy and Charles had nice hangouts where they ate donuts, pizza, pastries and fries. Everything felt a lot less scary when he wasn’t alone.

It was a long road to total recovery, but slowly, Jake began to understand that his friends all appreciated and cared for him, and that no matter what he looked like, they always would. Slowly, the voice in his head that perpetuated his constant fear of abandonment got quieter. Slowly, Jake started to bask in the love and joy of all the wonderful people in his life.

Chapter Text

Jake was sat on the saggy couch of their shared apartment, watching some trash on TV and drinking his second beer of the night. Emerging from her bedroom, Rosa started to collect her belongings, packing them in a small clutch.

“Date tonight?” Jake asked, taking in her tiny black dress and leather jacket combo.

“Yep,” she replied.

“Who with?”

“Some hot guy I met at a bar last week. He seemed really nice as well, so I’m really hopeful about this one,” she said, sitting down next to him to wiggle into her high heels.

“Okay, well, be safe, okay? Just call me if you want picking up. And text me if you won’t be coming home.”

“I will. Thanks for looking out for me, man.”

“Always, dude. Now have fun! You look really nice.”

“Thanks, Jake.”

**

Jake wasn’t quite sure how exactly Rosa did it, but pretty much every week she went on a date with someone new who’d asked her out at a bar, or sometimes even on the street. She had a natural allure that attracted many helpless straight men to her. And Rosa almost always agreed to a first date - sue her, she loved getting free dinner. However, she very rarely progressed to a second date, and had only been in one official relationship (which only lasted a few months) in the two years Jake had known her. She liked her lifestyle, and Jake understood it. She was young and gorgeous, so why not make the most of it?

It was also a relatively frequent occurrence that Jake would wake up in the middle of the night to hear some unfortunate noises coming from her room. He always just rolled over to go back to sleep, glad that at least one of them was getting some.

**

Rosa: I’m bringing someone home so please can you keep out the way of the living room?
Jake: of course, have fun!
Rosa: I will

Jake shut his bedroom door, not too eager to witness any of what might happen. Half an hour later, he heard two pairs of footsteps enter the apartment, the hiss of opening beer cans, and then the low buzz of the TV. He quickly fell asleep, as it was getting late.

In the early hours of the morning, Jake woke up, throat dry and scratchy. Predictably, he had not been anywhere near as organised enough to put a glass of water by his bed, pre-emptive of this occasion, and so hauled himself up.

Opening the door, Jake shuffled out, but halted halfway through his journey to the kitchen. The TV was still blaring, and Rosa was passionately making out with a girl on the couch. Pinching himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, Jake hurried silently back to his room, hoping he hadn’t been noticed.

**

Jake woke early that morning, lying in bed for a little while and thinking about what he’d seen the previous night. Maybe Rosa was a lesbian - it certainly wouldn’t be surprising, considering the amount of leather she wore and the amount of badassery she exuded. But what about the hordes of guys she went on dates with? I mean, Jake knew that a lot of the time she did just want a free dinner out of each date, but that seemed like a pretty great length to go to for a portion of free mediocre lasagne each week. Maybe she was just experimenting, as a lot of people did in their 20s.

He headed to the couch, pouring a huge bowl of Captain Crunch and turning on the TV. It wasn’t long before Rosa emerged with a short brunette in tow, swallowing nervously when she noticed Jake.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night, yeah?” Rosa said.

“See you then.”

They kissed quickly, and then the woman left.

Eyeing him subtly, Rosa made herself a cup of coffee and then sat beside Jake on the couch, curling up under a blanket.

“It’s before 9am. Why on earth are you even awake, let alone up?” Rosa asked, but she sounded off.

“No idea,” he joked, mouth full of cereal.

“So…”

“I saw you with the girl. And I also accidentally saw you making out on the couch at 3am when I got up to get water.”

“I’m sorry,” Rosa began, wringing her hands.

“You don’t need to be sorry, Rosa. Do you want to tell me about it? We can just forget it ever happened, if you prefer.”

“No, I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

“You don’t owe me anything, but go ahead, if you want to.”

“Well…I like dudes. And I also like girls,” she said, picking at a loose thread on her blanket instead of looking at his face. “There’s this thing called bisexuality. Have you heard of it?”

“Yeah, I have.”

“That’s…what I am. And I don’t really tell people because people don’t usually get it.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me?”

Rosa shrugged.

“I didn’t wanna lose you as a friend. So many people are still so against gay stuff. Gay marriage still isn’t even legal.”

“Rosa, you being bi would never make you lose me as a friend,” Jake said, taking her hand and squeezing it. “I completely accept you for who you are. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

“Thanks, Jake.”

“So…that girl. You like her?” he asked, grinning.

“Ugh, she’s literally the best. We made out at a lesbian bar on Friday and I asked her out on a date. We went to dinner last night and then had really good sex. I’m taking her out again tomorrow. She’s gorgeous, and funny, and interesting. I actually LIKE like her. I can see it properly going somewhere.”

“I’m so happy for you, Rosa. What’s her name?”

“Marie.”

“And she’s treating you well, right?”

“Yes, Jake,” Rosa said, rolling her eyes.

“Then you have my approval.”

“Approval? Hoe, you’re not my father, and this isn’t the 1700s.”

“I care about you! I want to protect you against the evils of the world.”

“Whatever,” Rosa said, throwing a pillow at him.

The two silently watched the TV for a few minutes before Jake spoke again.

“Have you brought girls back here before?” he asked.

“Once or twice. But I made them leave really so you wouldn’t find out, and didn’t see them again.”

“Ah, okay. Well, I mean, I hope stuff works out well with Marie, but if it doesn’t, like, don’t feel like you can’t bring girls back on my account in future. I don’t care what gender your partner is.”

“Thanks for saying that, Jake. I had a girlfriend throughout most of high school - we got together when we were fifteen and then broke up when we were eighteen. We never told anybody we were together. And then I dated some girls and some guys in college, but in the last year or so, I mostly stuck to guys out of fear of my friends finding out and shaming me. A lot of guys were really homophobic to me in college, which sucked. Made me hate myself a lot.”

“I’m so sorry you went through that, Rosa.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m over it all now.”

“I want to hear more about this secret gay high school romance!”

Rosa rolled her eyes.

“Her name was Jules, and she was the centre of my entire universe. I adored her. To the rest of the world, including our parents, we were best friends. And we kinda were. We met at the start of sophomore year when she transferred to my school, and began a very intense friendship. Within two months we were together. My mental health was really bad, and I was such a dick to her in the last six months or so of our relationship that we broke up not long before the end of senior year. I still miss her, sometimes. We’ve had no contact since high school, and I’d love to know where she is now. Anyway. No use getting sad over shit that happened years ago.”

“That sounds like such a tough experience.”

“Yeah. It was. But it’s fine. It was a long time ago.”

Jake squeezed her hand.

“Anyway. I just wanted to reiterate that I totally accept you and I’m totally chill with you being bi.”

“Thanks for being supportive. It means a lot, considering I was so scared to tell anybody.”

“You don’t need to thank me, Rosa.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, Rosa, do you want to come to mine and Amy’s tonight?” Jake asked, approaching her desk.

“Sure. What’s the occasion?”

“Nothing, really. We’ve settled into living together now, and want to start inviting people over.”

“Is anyone else coming?”

“No, just you. Unless you’d like us to invite other people?”

“I’d like to hang out alone with you guys.”

“Okay, well, do you wanna come over for 7? We can order takeout.”

“Sure. That would be really nice,” Rosa said, smiling.

**

When Rosa arrived at Jake and Amy’s apartment later that evening, she presented them with a bottle of wine.

“Thank you so much, Rosa,” Amy said, taking it.

“You’re welcome. Have you ordered food?”

“Yeah, we’ve ordered a load of Chinese food. It should be here in 20 minutes,” Jake said. “Do you wanna sit down?”

“Sure.”

The three of them sat down on the couch and put a movie on, sipping glasses of wine. Rosa looked around the open living room/dining room/kitchen of the apartment, which had originally been Amy’s. It still looked largely the same, but now there was an extra bookshelf full of Jake’s DVDs, a few less old lady trinkets, and a Die Hard poster on the wall above the TV. It was the perfect balance of both of their personalities.

When the food arrived, Amy went to the bathroom while Rosa and Jake plated it up.

“Jake, have you told Amy I’m bi?” Rosa asked, voice low.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Do you promise? I won’t be mad if you have.”

“Rosa, I promise. I wouldn’t lie to you. And I know how personal that is to you, and I’d never spill it to anyone. You can trust me.”

“I think I’m gonna tell her.”

“Tonight?”

“Yeah. I dunno, I might chicken out, but I think she should know.”

“Amy’s very accepting of queerness. She won’t react poorly.”

“I’ll see how it goes, alright? But don’t mention it until I do.”

“Of course. Do whatever feels right.”

Rosa nodded, and once the three of them were sitting back down in the living room, eating their Chinese food, Rosa spoke.

“So, Amy…I need to tell you something,” Rosa began nervously. “Jake’s known for a long time, but because your relationship is so serious now, I think…I think it’s time for me to tell you as well.”

“Go ahead, Rosa,” Amy said.

“Um…sorry, I’m really nervous.”

“Take your time,” Jake said, patting her knee.

“I’m…I’m bisexual.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Amy said. “I completely accept you for who you are.”

“That means a lot to me. I don’t really tell anyone, because you know I hate sharing personal stuff, and anyway, so many people are still homophobic. Jake kinda found out when we were back at the academy, which is why he’s known for so long.”

“How did you find out, Jake?” Amy asked.

“I saw her making out with a girl.”

Jake and Amy laughed, and Rosa blushed, a little embarrassed.

“Does Adrian know?” Amy asked.

“He doesn’t. He’s kinda…he’s not homophobic, but he’d beg me for a threesome, and I don’t want to sleep with a woman for the purpose of him getting off on it. I have more self-respect than that.”

“You definitely don’t need to tell him,” Amy said. “It doesn’t surprise me that he’d be a bit pervy about it.”

“I kinda…okay, you really can’t tell anyone about this, but I’m kinda thinking about breaking up with him.”

“Can I ask why?” Jake said.

Rosa sighed.

“He’s hot. He’s really hot. And he’s funny, and I suppose he’s a decent boyfriend. But he’s so unstable. I’m getting older, and thinking about settling down properly with someone. You know, marriage, maybe kids. But I don’t think he could fill that space in my life. But at the same time, I do really love him. I dunno. It’s tough.”

“It is tough. And I know you like your privacy, but if you wanna talk about it ever, or if you need someplace to stay after the breakup if that’s what you choose, me and Jake will always be here for you.”

“Thank you so much, guys. I really appreciate you.”

“You’re welcome, Rosa. It’s what good friends do for each other,” Jake said.

Chapter Text

Rosa, Jake and Ryan were hanging out at a bar, standing around drinking beers and laughing at their dumb jokes. It had been a long, strenuous day of drills, and the three needed to blow off some steam.

“Hey, so…I have something to tell you guys,” Rosa said, trying to act like she wasn’t nervous.

“What’s up?” Ryan asked.

“Well…I’ve met this really cute girl, and we’re going on a date this weekend. Just thought I should let you guys know I’m bisexual.”

“What? You’re a dyke? Ha, good one, Rosa!” Ryan said, laughing.

“No, I’m being serious,” Rosa said, expression darkening.

“Thanks for telling us, Rosa. I accept you. And Ryan, please don’t use that word, especially when it’s directed at somebody,” Jake said, frowning.

“You’re okay with this, seriously? You’re okay that our friend is a fucking faggot?” he spat, face flushing a deep red.

“Quit talking to her like that, man!” Jake yelled. “And yeah, I am perfectly okay with her being bi.”

Rosa’s eyes pooled with tears, and she tried desperately to choke them back.

“I…I’m gonna go,” she said quietly, and grabbed her jacket and left.

“Rosa, wait!” Jake called after her, but she hurried out of the busy bar. “You better fucking apologise to her tomorrow, Ryan.”

“No way in hell I’m going to apologise to that faggot. It’s her who should be apologising, for lying to us about what she is.”

“When the fuck did she lie to us?” Jake asked, incredulous.

“Every day she didn’t tell us the truth about what she is. I need to know what kind of people I’m around.”

“Are you fucking hearing yourself right now, you dick? Rosa didn’t and doesn’t owe us any personal information about herself. Be grateful she felt like she could fucking open up to you in the first place. Congrats on destroying her fucking trust.”

Enraged, Jake stormed off. Once the cool night air hit his face, his eyes began adjusting to the dark, and he started to search for Rosa. She was nowhere to be seen on the street, so Jake sped off in the direction of her apartment, seriously worried for her. She’d hinted at experiencing some mental health issues previously, and he feared her safety was in jeopardy. He’d never seen Rosa express any kind of sadness before in public, even when they’d dealt with some gnarly shit, so the crying was not a good sign.

He reached her building and raced up the stairs two at a time, and then banged on her apartment door.

“Rosa? Rosa? Let me in, Rosa, please!” he called.

Hearing no movement inside, he pulled out the key he had. Reluctantly, Rosa had agreed to swap keys with him - on the strict understanding that it would only be used in emergencies - just in case something happened to either of them in the line of duty. Confident this would be deemed an ‘emergency’, Jake opened the door.

“Rosa? It’s Jake. Where are you?” he called.

Seeing light peek out from under the bathroom door, Jake rushed to it.

Inside, Rosa lay slumped against the sink, eyes closed, open wounds covering her forearm. An empty packet of pills and an empty bottle of whiskey lay abandoned next to her.

“Rosa! Rosa, can you hear me?” he yelled, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her.

Rosa mumbled something, and Jake let out a breath. She was still alive.

“Rosa, come on, I need you to throw up for me. Can you do that?” he asked, slapping her cheek gently.

“Mmm…can’t,” she moaned.

“Come on, yes you can.”

Jake hauled her upwards and over to the toilet, where she knelt and he held back her hair, rubbing her back. After coughing and gagging for a few minutes, Rosa started to throw up, shuddering as she vomited the entire contents of her stomach - including the pills and whiskey - into the toilet bowl. When she was finally done, she collapsed backwards into Jake’s lap, wiping her hand on the back of her mouth, and started to sob.

“Oh, Rosa, it’s okay, I promise you,” Jake said, wrapping her arms around her.

Rosa cried in his lap for a while, clinging tightly onto him. When she had nothing left to cry, she shakily stood up, limbs wobbling.

“Water. I need water,” she rasped.

“I’ll help you to the couch, and get you some water,” Jake said softly.

“Okay.”

Jake guided her to the couch, handing her a glass of cool water.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Don’t chug it.”

He quickly threw the empty pill packets and whiskey bottle in the trash, and wiped over the bathroom floor and toilet with cleaning spray. Finding the razor blade Rosa had used in the sink, he washed the blood off and slipped it into his wallet - he’d get rid of it in a sharps bin later. Opening the medicine cabinet, he found antiseptic wipes and bandages, and headed back to the living room.

“This is gonna sting,” Jake said.

“I don’t care,” Rosa replied.

She barely even flinched as Jake wiped over the angry red cuts, old white scars staring him in the face. Carefully, he wrapped a bandage around her arm, and then wrapped his arms around her again.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. You should’ve just left me.”

“Left you to die? Come off it, Diaz.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, voice thick.

“Don’t be sorry.”

“I just…I just felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. I hated myself for so long for liking women, and it’s only really in the last few months that I’ve got comfortable with my sexuality. But to hear Ryan say those horrible things…just set me right back. I felt like killing myself was my only option.”

“It’s never your only option, Rosa. For every dickhead like Ryan in the world, there’s so many people that love you. I love and support you unconditionally.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“I don’t want to be alone tonight. Which is lame, but anyway. Could you stay?”

“Of course I can. Do you want me to sleep on the couch?”

“Can you come to bed with me?”

“Sure I can. Come on, I’ll help you brush your teeth.”

“There’s a spare toothbrush under the sink that you can use.”

“Thanks.”

Jake and Rosa brushed their teeth, and then crawled into Rosa’s bed.

“Do you want to cuddle?” Jake asked.

“Yeah.”

Rosa settled under his chin, snuggling into him. His strong arms wrapped around her were so comforting.

“This is platonic, okay? Don’t be weird,” Rosa said.

“Of course. You’re like a sister to me.”

“And tell no one about this. The cuddling and, you know, me trying to kill myself.”

“Consider me sworn to secrecy,” Jake said.

They lay there quietly for a while, holding each other.

“You know…I was really scared, for a bit. I thought you were gonna die, Rosa,” Jake whispered.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. Do you think…maybe we should go to the hospital? Just to make sure you’re okay.”

“Jake, I’ve been through this more times than I care to admit. If you throw up that fast after an overdose you’re absolutely fine, I promise you.”

“That’s what someone who wanted to trick me so they could die would say.”

“1000 pushups I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, fine. But if you die, how would you do the 1000 pushups?”

“Good point,” Rosa said, laughing.

“I love you, Rosa.”

“I love you too, Jake.”

He kissed her forehead, and they fell asleep curled up together, Jake’s arms safely around her.

**

The next morning when Rosa’s alarm went off, she groaned, reaching for the bedside table to turn off the harsh beeping.

“Morning,” Jake said, yawning.

“Good morning, Jake.”

She sat up, running a hand through her messy hair.

“Thanks for being there for me, last night. I really needed somebody, so…thanks.”

“I’m always here for you, if you need me, Rosa.”

“Thanks, man.”

“No need to thank me.”

“Alrighty. I think I’m gonna speed home so I can change before we have to be at the academy. But if you don’t feel like being alone, I’m fine with yesterdays’ clothes.”

“Go home, Jake. I’ll be okay, I promise you.”

“Are you coming in today?”

“Yeah. If I just proceed as normal, then I’ll feel a lot better.”

“If you’re sure. Are you definitely okay to face Ryan?”

“As okay as I’ll ever be to see his ugly rat face again.”

Jake laughed.

“I’ll see you in a couple hours, alright?” Jake said, kissing her cheek and getting out of bed.

“See you later, Jake.”

**

Rosa waited outside the academy doors for Jake before heading in for a long morning of drills. She didn’t fancy facing Ryan alone, and felt a lot better protected with Jake by her side. Thankfully, he stayed well out of the way of the two of them, but Jake noticed his eyes keep shifting over to them.

After absolutely rinsing Jake at all the drills, Rosa seemed to brighten up a little more. When the two parted to go into the respective changing rooms, she was laughing at her best friend’s usual antics.

Beginning to change in his usual spot in the corner of the changing room, Jake rolled his eyes when Ryan set up his stuff next to him.

“Crazy evening, huh?” he said, grinning.

“Yeah. Are you gonna apologise to Rosa?”

“Why did she run off like that? Crazy bitch,” he said, shaking his head.

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Jake said hotly.

“I’m disappointed, honestly, that such a sexy woman like that turned out to be a fag. You can’t blame me for wanting some of that,” he continued, making some lurid gestures. “I bet I could turn her, you know. One night with my magical dick and she’ll forget all about her weird homo desires.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, RYAN!” Jake yelled, punching him square in the face.

Reeling, Ryan stumbled back in horror.

“YOU DO NOT FUCKING TALK ABOUT WOMEN LIKE THAT, YOU PIECE OF ABSOLUTE FUCKING SHIT!”

The changing room fell completely still and silent, and Ryan righted himself, face purple with rage.

“Make sure you and that faggot fuck stay the hell away from me,” he said, walking away.

Everyone stared at Jake, but he continued to get changed, and then left the changing room.

Rosa was waiting for him outside, rolling back and forth anxiously on her heels.

“Hey, you took ages,” she said.

“Because I punched Ryan.”

“What?”

“He said more awful shit, so I punched him.”

“Jake, you idiot! They’re going to kick you out of the fucking academy!” Rosa hissed.

“I don’t care. I tried defending you with words, and it didn’t work. If I get kicked out for standing up for what I believe in, I don’t want to be here.”

“Jake, you didn’t have to do that for me.”

“I couldn’t sit around and let them say horrible misogynistic and homophobic things. Something had to be done about it, and guys respond best to violence.”

**

At the end of the day, Jake was called into the supervisor’s office, and he stayed in there a long time. Anxiously tapping her foot, Rosa waited outside for him.

As soon as the door opened, she stood up.

“What did they say?” she asked, heart rising in her throat.

“I’m not kicked out. And they said they can’t really punish me for it, because they have no proof I punched him. None of the guys will snitch, apparently. Everyone hates the suck-up shithead even more than they originally did now.”

“Oh, thank God.”

“I know right. Wanna get beers?”

“Sure,” Rosa said, grinning.

Chapter Text

“Roro-”

“Don’t call me that, Jake,” Rosa interrupted, scowling.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said. “Anyway. Pleeaaaseeeee will you do me a favour?” he begged.

“Depends what the favour is.”

“Amy’s doing a trivia contest tonight, and it’s her, Kylie, her new friend, and supposedly someone else but they’ve pulled out, and they need a team of four. Please will you go?”

“Why aren’t you going?”

“Because I’m fucking awful at trivia! Please, Rosa! Pleeeaaaaseeeee!”

“Fine.”

“Thank you love you bye!” Jake said, running away before she could change her mind.

**

When Rosa arrived at the bar that night, she located Amy and Kylie and approached them.

“Hey Rosa! Are you excited?” Kylie asked.

“Sure,” Rosa replied. “Amy, how long does this thing go on for?”

“Probably three hours or so.”

“Three hours? Jesus fucking Christ, what have I gotten myself into?” she groaned, slumping in her chair.

There were twenty or so round tables with clusters of people sitting around them, a lot of them looking way too nerdy for Rosa’s liking. Sighing, she settled in for a night of extreme boredom. She sucked at trivia anyway.

“Sorry, there was a huge line for the bathroom,” an oddly familiar voice said, coming to sit back at the table with them.

“Don’t worry about it!” Amy said. “Rosa just got here. Rosa, this is Ryan, my trivia friend.”

“Ryan?” she said, voice cracking, as she stared at his face.

“Amy, I didn’t know you knew Rosa! We were buddies back at the academy,” he said, clapping her on the back.

Rosa tried to smile, eyes watering.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Rosa said, nodding and trying to smile.

“It’s so crazy how we’re all connected!” Amy said.

The chair of the contest began speaking from the little stage, so everyone fell silent and turned to him. Ryan’s arm slipped around her shoulders, and he leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“So, you still a faggot or what?” he asked, grinning.

“I have to leave,” she said, and stood up, rushing out the bar.

She felt people’s eyes on her as she left, but she didn’t care. The crisp New York chill outside soothed her, and she took a deep breath.

**

Jake was pulled from his video game trance by a banging on the apartment door. He approached it warily, peering through the peephole. Seeing a familiar curly black mane and leather jacket, he opened it.

“Rosa, are you alright?” he asked, taking in her tear-streaked face.

“Can I come in?” she said, sniffing.

“Of course.”

The two sat on the couch, and Rosa took a moment before speaking.

“Amy’s new trivia friend. It’s Ryan.”

“Ryan?”

“Homophobic academy Ryan.”

“What? Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty fucking sure, Jake.”

“Right, sorry, dumb question. Did he say anything to you?”

“He wrapped his arm around me and asked me if I’m ‘still a faggot’.”

“Jesus, Rosa, I’m so sorry. I…I never would’ve asked you to go if I’d known it was him. The last I heard of him is that he moved to Florida five years ago.”

“Well, he’s back, and he’s friends with your fiance.”

“Jesus. Amy would never be willingly friends with a bigot. They don’t know each other well, they met at some police event a couple weeks ago and when he let on that he likes trivia she invited him to this competition, as one of her trivia friends recently moved away. I’m calling her and asking her to come home.”

“You don’t have to, Jake.”

“No, I do. You’re my best friend, Roro, and I’m not letting my future wife hang around with an asshole guy who hurt you.”

“Thank you. But you still can’t call me ‘Roro’,” she said, smiling through her tears.

“Come on, man! Anyway, I’ll call her.”

Rosa sat there silently as Jake dialled, legs tucked up and arms around them, her chin resting on her knee.

“Hey, Amy,” he said as soon as she picked up.

“Hety Jake! What’s up? The competition’s just started.”

“I know, but…you need to come home.”

“I can’t leave Ryan and Kylie! Rosa’s already run off without a word. It was so strange. I’ve texted her and asked her if she’s alright but she hasn’t replied.”

“Rosa’s here, with me, at our apartment.”

“Is she okay?”

“Not really.”

“I’m on my way. Bye, Jake, I love you.”

“I love you too, Ames. See you soon.”

He put the phone down, and shifted closer to Rosa on the couch.

“Wanna cuddle, like we did in the old days?” Jake asked.

Rosa wordlessly leaned against him, Jake wrapping his arms around her. His touch soothed her, and she cried silently into him while they waited for Amy.

When they heard the clunk of Amy’s key in the lock, Rosa wiped her eyes, sitting up properly on the couch. Taking his cue (Rosa hated showing physical affection in front of other people), Jake leaned away from her.

“Is everything okay?” Amy asked. “I’m really worried.”

“Come sit down, Ames,” Jake said, and Amy did, perching in the armchair opposite them. “Rosa, do you want to talk or should I?”

“I’ll talk,” she said, clearing her throat. “So…your friend Ryan. He went to the academy with me and Jake back in the day. We were a trio. After a few months, I came out to Jake and Ryan, because I got a girlfriend and I thought they should know. But…Ryan really didn’t respond well. He called me a dyke and a fag and said horrible sexual things about me. I tried to kill myself because of what he said, but Jake found me and saved me. Ryan kept saying shit about me to Jake, so Jake punched him. He left me alone after that, except when a couple months later he tried to rape me at a party when I was drunk. But after that he really did leave me alone, I guess because he was afraid I’d press charges about the attempted rape, which Jake witnessed some of. But, yeah. I hadn’t seen him in years. It hit me hard to see him again with no warning.”

“Oh my God, Rosa, I’m so sorry,” Amy said. “I’d never have invited him if I’d known! I’d never have become friends with him if I’d known. Fuck, I’m so sorry. I’m never gonna see him again, I promise. He isn’t my friend if he treated you like that. Did he say anything to you tonight?”

“Yeah, he asked me if I’m ‘still a faggot’ and wrapped his arm around me, so I ran off. I feel stupid for reacting like that, but…ever since my parents didn’t accept me, I’m more sensitive to stuff like that. It really hit me hard,” she said, nodding, a few tears dripping again.

“God, I feel so guilty,” Amy said, wiping away a tear of her own. “You don’t deserve that, not one bit. I just had no idea he’s such a horrible guy. He seemed so sweet and genuine.”

“Amy, please don’t feel guilty. How were you to know? And yeah, I was also super surprised when he started hurling homophobic slurs at me when I came out to him. He’d never said anything homophobic, racist, or hugely misogynistic - every guy at the academy except Jake was a bit of a misogynist so that didn’t set Ryan apart - so it was so unexpected. That’s partly why I was so upset by it. It made me realise that even those you think are the ‘good ones’ are hateful bigots sometimes.”

“I’m sorry I got you to come home, Ames, I was just worried about your safety. Knowing that he tried to rape Rosa, I didn’t want you to come to any harm. I also didn’t want you to be around such a fucking asshole without knowing it.”

“No, you definitely should’ve got me to come home - don’t apologise, Jake. Thank you for looking out for me, both of you. And Rosa, again, I’m so sorry I put you in that position. I promise it wasn’t on purpose.”

“I know, don’t worry. You don’t need to be sorry. Do you guys mind if I stayed here tonight? I don’t really feel like being alone.”

“Of course you can stay, Rosa,” Amy said. “Can I…give you a hug.”

“Yeah, you can.”

Standing up, Rosa and Amy embraced firmly, and then Jake joined the hug too. Rosa smiled, feeling a lot safer in the company of her friends and fiercely loyal protectors.

Chapter Text

“I’ve just brought in an absolute asshole,” Jake said, as he and Rosa were pouring some cups of coffee in the breakroom.

“Oh yeah? What’d they do?” she asked.

“Serial wife beater, by all accounts. His wife called the cops because he kept hitting her, and we managed to gather enough evidence, and I arrested him this morning.”

“What an absolute fucker,” Rosa said.

“Well, he’s gonna rot in jail for a very long time, I assure you. We have security footage of him hitting his wife, and also all the hospital records of her injuries over the last three years. And there’s a lot. Very concrete stuff.”

“I’m so glad. Another asshole off the streets.”

“Well, that’s what we do this for.”

“Amen.”

When Rosa and Jake left the room, she glanced over at the holding cell. A perp was leaning against the bars, looking out at everyone. Rosa’s blood went cold. She looked away hurriedly, hoping he wouldn’t notice her.

“Rosie? Rosie Diaz! Fuck, c’mere, baby, get me outta here!” he called, laughing.

Shaking, Rosa walked back to her desk, aware of everyone’s eyes glued to her.

“D’you know him?” Jake asked, a quizzical look on his face.

“No. I don’t know what he’s talking about! Must’ve read my name plate on my desk or something!” she said, voice wobbling.

“Do you need some time, or…?”

“No, I’m fine!” she said, sounding falsely bright.

“Okay.”

Jake went back to his desk, trying to get on with his work, but his eyes kept shifting over to Rosa. All the colour had drained from her face, and her entire body rattled as she shook.

“Hey Rosa? Are you okay? You look sick,” Charles said, approaching with his hand outstretched to feel her forehead.

“Don’t fucking touch me, Charles,” she snarled, but her threat didn’t have it’s usual bite.

“Okay! We’re just worried about you, Rosa. You seem really…off.”

“Charles, I’m fucking fine, okay?”

“Okay. But let me know if you need anything.”

Charles backed off, leaving Rosa to it.

“HEY ROSIE!” the perp yelled, rattling the bars of the holding cell. “C’MON, BABY, LET ME OUTTA HERE! YOU KNOW I AIN’T DONE NO WRONG, HONEY!”

Squeezing her eyes shut, Rosa willed for this all to stop. This wasn’t real, it was all just some lurid nightmare, she insisted to herself.

“ROSIE, BABY, PLEASE!” he called again, and Rosa reopened her eyes.

“Hey, quieten down,” Jake said, approaching the holding cell.

“Please, can you just get Officer Rosie over there to come talk to me? Just for a couple minutes, please. This is all just some misunderstanding!”

“Detective Diaz will not be coming to speak with you. I’m taking you into an interrogation room.”

Jake unlocked the cell, re-handcuffing the perp and pulling him across the bullpen. He wrestled against Jake’s grasp.

“Rosie, tell ‘em this was all a misunderstanding, huh, gorgeous?” he said, grinning at her when they neared her desk.

“Detective Diaz will do no such thing,” Jake said, and Rosa kept her eyes trained downwards at the paperwork in front of her.

Once he was finally away from her, Rosa’s head came to rest on the desk, and she took a few deep breaths, trying to ward off the impending panic attack she felt.

“Detective Diaz, my office?” Captain Holt said, his stoic voice cutting through Rosa’s panic.

Getting up, Rosa followed him, and he shut the door, closing the blinds.

“Please, have a seat,” he said, gesturing.

Rosa sat, anxiously fiddling with her thumbs as Captain Holt sat down opposite her.

“Detective Diaz…may I ask what the relationship is between you and the perp Peralta brought in today? He appears to know you.”

“I…it was a long time ago,” she said, voice hoarse.

“Take your time, Diaz.”

“When I was in my early twenties, before I joined the academy, me and that guy…Dan, his name is…we were in a relationship for a couple of years.”

“I see,” Captain Holt said, his voice soft.

“He used to hit me, sir. And he used to force me into it when I didn’t want to have sex with him.”

“Detective, that isn’t something anybody should have to go through.”

Rosa crumpled into tears. Passing her a box of tissues, Captain Holt let her collect herself.

“I can’t believe I survived. I tried to end my life several times because it felt like the only way out of a relationship like that. I was terrified of what he’d do to me if I left him. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I broke up with him, moved across the city, changed my phone number, and never saw him again. Until today. And now I feel so fucking guilty because if I’d gone to the police about what he did, or just fucking murdered him, he wouldn’t have abused I don’t know how many other women. There wouldn’t be a terrified woman calling the police on her husband for breaking her bones. I just…I feel so guilty.”

“Rosa, you have nothing to feel guilty for. You did what you could to survive. We will get this woman justice. He will never, ever, ever, lay his hands on another woman again.”

“The craziest part about it all is that I loved him. I loved him so much, Captain. He was ten years older than me, and I felt like he’d swooped in to save me from my awful family. He gave me a life, gave me freedom. But he quickly turned into some kind of fucking tyrant who used me and abused me whenever he wanted. And through it all, I still loved him.”

“That is not uncommon, Detective Diaz. It’s very difficult sometimes to stop loving your abuser, even if one is aware of how much damage they’re inflicting.”

“What happens now?” Rosa asked, sniffing.

“Well, Daniel will be sent to prison for a long, long time. We have concrete evidence against him. Obviously, you are in no trouble at all, Diaz. We’re all here to support you.”

Captain Holt paused.

“Do you think, maybe, that some departmentally issued therapy sessions might be a good idea, Rosa?” he asked gently. “It’s not an insinuation from me that I think you’re weak. I think you’re one of the strongest, if not the strongest, person who works here. But sometimes we all need a little help sharing the load of our own personal burdens.”

“Yeah, I think…that would be good.”

“That was a very brave step, Rosa. You should be proud of yourself. Do you have anyone to talk to? Friends, a partner?”

“Not really,” she sniffed. “I can’t open up to my friends about my emotions. I just can’t. And my boyfriend…the last time I told someone I was dating about it all they started treating me weird, and I had to end the relationship because of it. I’m so scared of ruining what I have.”

“Rosa, if someone doesn’t respond well to you sharing your trauma with them, then they’re not a good person - or the right person - for you to be with. You deserve unconditional love and support.”

“Thank you. But…thinking about that is a bit too much right now, sir.”

“I understand, Detective. Take your time. Would you like to go home early?”

“Yeah, I think that might be for the best. I don’t want him to speak to me again.”

“Of course. I’m here if you need anything at all, Rosa. My door - both to my office and my home - is always open.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

Chapter Text

Rosa was curled up on her couch, engrossed in a book, when her phone began to ring. Rolling her eyes, she leaned backwards to grab it off the side table. Seeing that it was Amy, she answered.

“Hey Rosa, can you come over and watch Mac please? It’s an emergency. Jake’s cut his finger really deep while chopping vegetables and almost sliced half of it off and I need to take him to the ER,” she said, voice wobbling a little.

“I’m on my way,” she said, leaping up and putting her shoes on.

“Oh, thank you so much, Rosa,” she said, sighing with relief.

Rosa could hear Mac’s hysterical crying in the background.

“I’ll be there in ten, Ames. If you haven’t already, wrap Jake’s finger in a clean tea towel and squeeze it tight to stop the bleeding.”

“Okay, yes, that’s a good idea.”

“Love you, Amy. Bye.”

“Love you too, Rosa. See you soon.”

Running down the stairs of her apartment building, Rosa hopped on her motorcycle and sped off to her friends’ apartment. True to her word, she arrived within ten minutes, weaving riskily through traffic for the sake of speed. She bounded up the stairs and knocked on their door.

“Oh, Rosa, thank you so much for coming,” Amy said, talking at a million miles an hour. “Mac’s shut himself in his room and won’t stop crying, and Jake’s bleeding everywhere, and fuck, I don’t know what to do.”

“Amy, slow down,” Rosa said, taking both of her hands in her own. “I’ll look after McClane, and I’ll get him to calm down. You focus on driving Jake to the ER. The hospital will sort him out, I promise. Or, if you prefer, I can drive Jake?”

“No, I want to be with him. Thank you for being here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Of course.”

“Jake, are you ready to go?” she called, and a pale-looking Jake emerged from the bedroom, hand wrapped in a tea towel.

“Stay strong, buddy,” Rosa said, patting him on the back.

“Thanks, Rosa.”

“We’ll keep you updated,” Amy said, and then she and Jake left, making their way downstairs to their car.

Shutting the door behind them, Rosa approached the door of Mac’s bedroom. It was decorated with sparkly orange letters spelling out his name, as well as tons of indistinguishable drawings the four-year-old had done. She could hear the little boy crying inside.

“McClane?” Rosa said, knocking softly. “Auntie Roro’s here. Can you let me inside, sweetie?”

Mac kept crying.

“Take your time, kiddo. I’m right here.”

After a minute, the door opened, and a very dishevelled looking Mac stood in front of her. His face was pink and snotty, and tears were still leaking from his eyes. His usually neat brown hair was messed up, and the front of his blue shirt was soaked with tears.

“Oh, sweetie, it’s okay, I’m here for you,” Rosa said, kneeling down to be on eye-level with him. “What’s wrong, honey? You can talk to me.”

Mac let out a gaspy sob, and Rosa wrapped her arms around him.

“How about we sit down and have a cuddle, and you can tell me what’s wrong, hm?”

Mac nodded, and Rosa sat on the floor, leaning against his bed frame, Mac sitting down in her lap and burying his face in her shirt. She stroked his hair soothingly until his tears slowed, when he sat up to meet her eyes.

“I’m worried about Daddy,” he said, gripping the neckline of Rosa’s hoodie.

“Oh, sweetie, your dad’s going to be okay, I promise you. The hospital will fix him up, good as new.”

“But-but the hospital is where you go to die!” he wailed, new tears beginning to fall. “Grandpa Ray went to the hospital and he never came back. Daddy’s going to die.”

“Oh, McClane, your dad isn’t going to die, I promise you,” Rosa said, wrapping her arms tightly around him, grief wrenching at her heart.

“But the hospital,” he sobbed.

“When Grandpa Ray went into the hospital, he was extremely sick, buddy,” she began, fighting to keep her voice level. “Unfortunately, he passed away. But your dad is nowhere near as sick as Grandpa Ray, I promise you. He’s going to be fine, honey.”

“Do you promise me, Auntie Roro?”

“I promise, McClane.”

Mac nodded, and Rosa dabbed gently at his face with the hem of her hoodie.

“While your dad is being all fixed up, how about you and I have a nice evening, huh? I’ll help you put on your pyjamas, and then we can have some dinner and watch a movie. How does that sound?”

Mac nodded.

“What do you want for dinner, sweetie?”

“Mac and cheese with dinosaur nuggets.”

Rosa chuckled.

“Coming right up, honey. Do you want your dinosaur PJs to match?”

“Yes! Those are my favourites.”

Rosa helped Mac get changed (he could mostly do it on his own by now, but needed a little bit of help with his buttons) and then washed his sore and sticky face gently. Sitting him down on the couch and putting on Finding Nemo, Mac’s favourite movie, she went into the kitchen to cook the chicken nuggets and Kraft Mac and Cheese. She also cut up some carrot sticks and grapes for the sake of adding a semblance of balance to their meal, and as soon as it was done, she plated up their food with a dollop of ketchup on the side.

Sitting down on the couch beside Mac, she handed him a plate, and they tucked in, both absorbed by the movie. Seemingly a lot calmer, Mac finished most of his food.

He started yawning when the movie had half an hour left, so Rosa helped him to brush his teeth, and they snuggled back up on the couch together. His head in her lap, Mac fell asleep sucking his thumb, Rosa’s hand stroking his hair comfortingly.

Opening her phone, Rosa swiped onto her chat with Amy.

Rosa: any news?
Amy: Jake’s okay, thank god. We’ve been seen, and we’re just waiting for a doctor to come and suture his finger and give him a tetanus shot. Did you know you can get tetanus from root vegetables, because of the soil?
Rosa: no, I didn’t know that, but anyway, I’m glad Jake’s okay. mac’s fallen asleep on the couch with me watching a movie, and he’s had dinner
Amy: Thank you so much, Rosa. How does he seem?
Rosa: he kept crying for probably like half an hour after you left, but ever since I assured him Jake would be fine he’s been completely calm. a bit clingy tho
Amy: I’m so glad he’s alright. We should hopefully be back in about an hour.
Rosa: ok. don’t stress too much tho, me and Mac are chilling
Amy: Thank you so much for all your help, Rosa.
Rosa: it’s no problem Ames

While Rosa stared at the TV, her thoughts raced. The logical side of her brain firmly argued that Jake was going to be absolutely fine. It was literally just a cut - why wouldn’t he be? But her emotions ran rampant, and she couldn’t help but dwell on what Mac had said.

Grandpa Ray went to the hospital and he never came back. Daddy’s going to die.

When Captain Holt had passed away, Rosa had tried so hard to be the stoic one. She jumped in to help Kevin organise the funeral, and she did most of the cooking for the wake. For months afterwards, she ran around caring for her friends. Every Tuesday and Thursday evening, she had dinner with Kevin and they played Scrabble together. Often, he would tell stories about Raymond, and she listened dutifully. Jake and Amy were both a wreck, so Rosa took over a lot of the parenting of McClane, who was also devastated even as a two-year-old, cooking and cleaning and tidying for them. She sat with Charles for hours as he cried, as much as she was uncomfortable with his emotions. She got drunk with Gina on Friday nights while Iggy stayed at Milton’s. She visited Terry and took the load off, picking Cagney and Lacey up from softball every Monday night so he didn’t have to rush home from work.

It was only after three months, when everyone else started to learn to live with the loss, that they stopped needing Rosa as much. And suddenly, with almost every night free again each week, she had time to be alone. That’s when the loss hit her.

The grief was so suffocating it felt like it was choking her. The man that stepped up to the plate and played the role of ‘father’ when her own family decided she wasn’t worth it because she came out. The man that had also mentored her, coaxing her slowly into understanding and accepting her emotions. The man that had lived in her apartment in his own hour of need, sharing her space. The man that she’d let into her heart after years of being stony with everyone. And he was gone.

For a week, Rosa barely got out of bed. She barely ate, barely drank, didn’t shower. After a week of ignoring texts and calls, she dragged herself out of bed to answer the insistent knocking at her door. It was Jake and Amy.

They encouraged Rosa into the shower, and cleaned up her filthy apartment. Jake batch cooked simple meals for her, putting them in the freezer so she could eat nutritious, filling food without having to put in much effort. She sat on the couch with Amy and cried, for once grateful for her friend’s arms wrapped around her. After a while, it all came pouring out - how much she missed Captain Holt, how much more she wished she could say to him, how much she’d done for everyone while she was barely getting through it herself. For the first time, Rosa truly understood the reciprocal nature of friendship.

With Jake and Amy’s encouragement, Rosa slowly began to find herself again. She went back to therapy, and started up the occasional ‘game night’ again, like they all did in the old days. She suspects that Jake and Amy had a word with everyone, as suddenly, people showed up to her apartment to listen to her talk, to cook for her and help her with her cleaning and go out for dinner with her.

Lost in thought, Rosa jumped when the apartment door opened.

“Hey, guys,” she whispered, smiling. “How are you, Jake?”

“I’m fine. In some pain, and I can’t take this off for a few days,” he said, holding up his hand to reveal a large, thick bandage around his finger.

“I’m glad you’re alright. I’ll take McClane to bed, and then I’ll start on some dinner for you guys. You must be starving.”

“Rosa, you’ve done enough for us. I’ll make dinner,” Amy interjected.

“No, seriously, Ames, I got it,” Rosa said, smiling.

She carefully carried McClane to bed, tucking him in and kissing his forehead. Thankfully, he didn’t wake up in transit. She made a quick carbonara for Jake and Amy, and sat curled up in a dining chair opposite them while they ate, thanking her profusely for how delicious it was. Rosa sure did have skill when it came to cooking.

“So…McClane said something very strange to me. And I think you should talk to him about it, and maybe, if he still seems off, talk to your doctor or whatever. I’m not trying to intrude, I’m just worried,” Rosa said.

“What did he say?” Amy asked, concerned.

“Well, the reason he was crying so hard is because he thought Jake was gonna die. Turns out that he remembers Holt going into hospital and never coming out. He thought that everyone died when they went to the hospital.”

“I didn’t even realise he remembered. He was so little,” Jake said.

“I had no idea either,” Amy agreed. “Thank you for letting us know, Rosa. We’ll definitely talk to him. And you’re family, so it’s never an intrusion.”

“Do you guys mind if I sleep here tonight?” Rosa asked. “Mac saying that got me thinking about stuff. I’d like to be around people.”

“Of course you can stay, Rosa,” Jake said, touching the back of her hand over the table. “You’re always, always welcome.”

“Thanks, guys. I love you both.”

“We love you too, Rosa,” Amy said.

Once Jake and Amy finished eating, Rosa and Amy washed up (Jake couldn’t get his hand wet) and then watched TV for a bit. They all started dropping off, so Rosa tucked up on the couch in borrowed pyjamas.

“If you want to talk, Rosa, just wake one of us up. We’re here for you,” Amy said, kneeling next to her.

“Thank you. I’ll be okay, I think.”

“Good. But still, if you need anything at all, just come get us.”

“I will.”

“Goodnight, Rosa.”

“Goodnight, Ames.”

They hugged tightly, and then Amy turned out the light, heading to bed with her husband.

Rosa rested easier than she would’ve that night, soothed by the fact her best friends and her nephew were sleeping twenty feet away from her. She knew the grief would never truly leave her, but slowly, she was learning to live and be happy alongside it.

Chapter Text

Rosa and Gina were lying in bed together, cuddling under the sheets after a lot of much-needed sex. Gina’s head was lying on her girlfriend’s chest, head tucked under her chin as Rosa played with strands of her auburn hair. 

“I think I’m gonna come out at work,” Gina said suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence.  

“That’s a big step, baby. Are you sure?” Rosa asked. 

“Yeah, I am. I feel like it’s time. I know nobody’s homophobic, because you’re out and obviously Captain Holt. The only spanner in the works might be Charles…y’know, considering I went from having sex with him to being a lesbian.” 

“God, I hate being reminded that you’ve had sex with Charles,” Rosa said, shuddering.

“You and me both,” Gina replied, and they both giggled. “How do you feel about telling people we’re together at the same time?” 

“I’m happy to do that. We’ve been together for four months now, so it’s not like we’re still in the ‘figuring stuff out’ stage. And, y’know, I really love you. People know I have a girlfriend and are fine with it, just not that it’s you. Yeah, I’m happy to tell people.” 

“Good, because I want everyone to know how insanely in love with you I am.” 

Rosa smiled, and Gina leaned up to kiss her, lips linking tenderly. 

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Gina,” Rosa said, gently scratching her scalp. “And I mean that.” 

“And you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Rosie.” 

“When do you want to come out?” 

“Hm. I’m thinking on Monday. If it doesn’t make me too much of a copycat, I’ll do it at the morning briefing.” 

“Of course it doesn’t make you a copycat.” 

“I need to buy confetti cannons.” 

“Confetti cannons?” Rosa asked. “God, do I even <em>want<em> to know?” 

“Hey, if I’m telling my friends that I’ve converted from a boring heterosexual into a pussy-lover, I obviously need to make it as extravagant as possible.” 

Rosa chuckled. 

“Whatever you say, Gin. Whatever you say.” 

**

Over the weekend, Gina prepared for her coming out. Surprisingly considering Gina’s usual confidence, she was extremely nervous, and seemed distracted and distant. 

“Gines, c’mere,” Rosa said, beckoning her girlfriend over to the couch on Sunday evening. 

Gina climbed into her girlfriend’s lap, straddling her, and Rosa’s arms wrapped around her lower back. 

“Baby, I can tell you’re super worked up over this. Don’t do it if it doesn’t feel right.” 

“But I really want to. It’s just so scary. I haven’t really told anyone, and it’s just…so much pressure. I need to tell the precinct, my mother, all my friends. I just want to rip the bandaid off and get it all over with at once.” 

“Well, if you feel ready, come out on Monday. If it would take the stress off, we can announce that we’re together some other time - I really don’t mind when we do it. And then, slowly, together, we can tick everyone else off the list.” 

“Yeah. I just want it all to be done.” 

“You’ll get it done, baby,” Rosa said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I’m so proud of you, Gines. You got this.” 

“Thank you. I’m just so worried that people at work will be really really surprised. Jake’s known me since we were kids, and I’m so scared he’ll feel like he doesn’t know who I am anymore. And Charles…well, obviously I used to sleep with him, so…I don’t want him to be weirded out by me.” 

“Gines, these are the closest people to you in the whole world, and you’ve known them all for years and years. Please don’t doubt that they won’t all unconditionally support you. They all support me and Captain Holt, and they’re all liberal-minded. Don’t stress too much, honey, as impossible as it is not too.” 

“I’m trying not to get too in my head about it, but…you know how it is.” 

“I do know how it is. It’s so fucking hard, babe. But I know you can do it.” 

“Thank you. I’ll aim to do it tomorrow morning, but…we’ll see.” 

“Do whatever feels right, baby. But, for now…how about I make us some dinner, and then I help take your mind off things, hm?” Rosa said, grinning. 

Giggling, Gina kissed her. 

**

When Monday morning rolled around, Gina was clammy and nauseous. She barely touched her breakfast, and was completely silent as her and Rosa drove to work. 

Once they’d pulled into the precinct garage and parked, Rosa grabbed Gina’s hand. 

“Okay. Pep talk time,” she said. “You can do it, Gina. Honestly, you can. And everyone’s gonna love and support you, I promise. And if you decide to tell people that we’re together as well, then Charles will pass out from excitement, and everyone else will freak out as well. But in a good way, most definitely. Please don’t stress, Gines. If you decide to come out today, then great. If you decide to wait for another time, that’s perfectly okay. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Ro. Thank you, I’m just…scared.” 

“I know exactly how you’re feeling, Gin. But seriously, you got this.” 

“I do. I can do it,” she said determinedly. 

“That’s the spirit, babe.” 

“Can I have a kiss?” 

“Of course.” 

Rosa leaned over the central console and kissed her sweetly. Gina had other intentions, however, grabbing her face and kissing her passionately, tongue sliding against Rosa’s lips. 

“Okay, as much as I would love to spend half an hour making out with you, we do need to go inside,” Rosa said, pulling away. 

“Ugh, fine.” 

“There’s always Babylon at lunch for secret at-work making out.” 

“You’re so right. I’m holding you to that, Diaz.” 

Giggling, they shared one last peck and then got the car, heading inside. 

Heading to her desk, Gina booted up her computer. She tapped her foot anxiously, reading her emails but barely taking in the words. Looking over at her girlfriend, she was met with an encouraging smile, and the racing of her heart calmed a little. Still, she remained worried and jumpy until Holt called them in for a briefing. 

Sitting down next to Rosa, she largely spaced out while people took turns speaking, too consumed by nerves to focus on boring police stuff. When the briefing was drawing to a close, Rosa squeezed her thigh reassuringly, and Gina took a deep breath. 

“Does anyone have any announcements, or things they would like to say?” Holt asked. 

“Yeah. I do,” Gina said, standing up. 

“By all means, go ahead, Gina,” he said. 

Trying to walk steadily and confidently, Gina made her way up to the front of the room. Holt stood to the side and she took up her place behind the lectern. 

“Friends. Colleagues. Nobodys whose names I don’t even know,” she began. “I have an announcement that will change this country for the better. Nay, the world.” 

Bending down, Gina pulled a confetti cannon out her bag. 

“I’m a lesbian!” she declared, firing rainbow confetti on all her coworkers. 

“Good to know,” Jake said, removing strands of brightly-coloured paper from his hair. 

“We support you, Gina,” Amy said. 

“I am aware this may come as a surprise to some of you, considering my past sexual history with none other than Charles Boyle himself, as much as I’d like to forget it. But since having my first sexual experience with a woman not too long ago, and it being other-wordly, I have realised that I have no desire to touch a man ever again.” 

“Fair enough,” Jake conceded. “Do you have a girlfriend?” 

“That I do.” 

“Oh em gee! When can we meet her?” Charles asked excitedly. 

“You’ve already met her,” Gina said, grinning. 

“It’s me, losers,” Rosa said, standing up. 

Charles gasped and fainted, and Rosa went up to the front, wrapping her arm around Gina’s waist and kissing her softly. Remaining in stunned silence for another few moments, the room then erupted into cheers and applause. 

“We’re happy to answer non-weird questions,” Rosa said. 

“When did you get together? And how?” Jake asked excitedly. 

“We kissed while drunk, and then I asked Gina on a date. We’ve been together for four months,” Rosa said, smiling. 

“Is Rosa your first girlfriend?” Jake asked. 

“First serious girlfriend, yes. I’ve dated other women but not for long or anything.” 

“Rosa, is Gina your first girlfriend?” Terry asked. 

“No, she’s not. But she’s the best one.” 

Gina smiled. 

Groaning, Charles regained consciousness, pulling himself back onto his chair. 

“I have a second workplace ship!” he said delightedly. “Well, Gina, as your brother and ex-lover, I fully condone this relationship! Please, tell me everything!” 

“No, you freak,” Gina said. 

“I just wanted to interject and say that I’m proud of you both,” Holt said. “Coming out is never easy - this was very brave of you, Gina. If anyone gives you any problems in this workplace, bring them straight to me, and they’ll be dealt with firmly.” 

“Thank you, Captain,” Gina said. 

“Shaw’s tonight to celebrate!” Jake yelled. 

Everyone cheered again. 

“Briefing dismissed,” Holt said, and everyone cleared out. 

“Soooo, you and Rosa, huh?” Jake said, grinning. 

“Yeah. She’s so hot,” Gina replied dreamily. 

“She treats you right?” 

“Duh. It’s Rosa. She definitely knows how to treat a woman right,” Gina said, wiggling her eyebrows and grinning. 

“Eww! Eww eww eww!” Jake exclaimed, grimacing. “Anyways. I support you always, Gines. You’re my sister from another mister.” 

“Thanks. You don’t seem very surprised.” 

“I always kinda assumed you were at least bi. I remember you making all your girl dolls kiss each other when we were kids. And don’t tell me you didn’t have the world’s most obvious crush on Jen Aniston.” 

Gina laughed. 

“Okay, okay, guilty. She’s hot, you can’t lie.” 

“I really can’t. Anywayssss, I’ll see you tonight.” 

“See you tonight, Pineapples.” 

“Hey, are you alright?” Rosa asked, leaving her conversation with Amy to come up to her. 

“I’m good,” Gina assured her. 

“I’m really proud of you, Gines,” she said, hands coming to rest on her girlfriend’s waist. “Coming out is tough. But you did it. And I’m so glad everyone knows about us now, so we can just exist as a normal couple without all the hiding and the fear.” 

“Thank you so much, babe. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

They shared a soft kiss. 

“Wanna make out in Babylon?” Gina asked. 

“Yep.” 

**

Half an hour later when they returned to their desks, flushed and horny, Jake grinned at Gina. She rolled her eyes, trying to brush it off, but couldn’t help but grin to herself. God, she was so crazily in love. 

Chapter Text

Rosa was in the Peraltiago apartment’s bathroom with Jake, helping him clean and bandage his arm while Amy paced outside. 

“It looks quite bad this time, buddy,” Rosa said, examining her best friend’s chopped up arm. 

“Yeah, I know,” he mumbled. “Just…couldn’t cope. You know how it is.” 

Rosa nodded, gently wiping over the mess of bumpy white scars spattered with new red slashes, of varying degrees of severity, but mostly pretty bad. Once she managed to disinfect them all and largely stem the flow of blood, she wrapped a bandage around his arm to keep them clean and stop Jake from scratching at them. 

“Thank you for helping, Rosa. Amy finds it hard.” 

“Of course. You know I’m always here to help.” 

“I think I’m just gonna go to bed.” 

“Yeah, good idea. Sleep off the shitty feelings, huh?” 

The two left the bathroom, and Amy instantly threw her arms around Jake, hugging him tightly. 

“I’m sorry, Ames,” he said, squeezing her tightly. 

“Don’t you dare apologise, Jake! This isn’t your fault.” 

“I know, but…I’d been doing so well. I’d been clean for a while and I haven’t relapsed much this year. But we all knew I was gonna throw that down the drain at some point.” 

“Jake, how many times have we been through this? Self-harm is an addiction, and relapses are a part of addiction recovery. It doesn’t mean you’ve thrown anything away at all. Think about just this past year - despite however many relapses you’ve had, you’ve spent so many days clean. The vast, vast majority of them. And to think that for so many years of your life, you never spent a single day clean - this is a huge achievement, Jake.” 

“Thank you, Ames. I just…I feel like shit,” he said, laughing hollowly. 

“I know, I know, baby,” she said, holding his face. “You’re still doing so well, okay? Don’t lose sight of how far you’ve come.” 

“I’m trying, I promise.” 

“I know you are. I’ve never doubted that.” 

“I think I’m just gonna go to bed. I’m gonna get changed.” 

“Of course. I’ll make us some tea, and then I’ll be with you.” 

“Okay.” 

Jake went into their room, shutting the door, a noticeable slouch in his shoulders. Rosa and Amy watched him go. 

“Amy, I think we need to talk,” Rosa said, her tone serious. 

“What’s up?” 

“Let’s go into the living room. I don’t want Jake to hear us.” 

“Rosa, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?” 

Once the two were sitting on the couch, Rosa spoke, keeping her voice low. 

“So. I really don’t mind coming over to help with this. I’ve had a lot more experience doing it than you - I was the one cleaning him up in the old days at the academy and when we were beat cops. But…I’ve been wondering a lot recently about the reasons why he relapses. And I’ve noticed a very clear pattern.” 

“Oh?” 

“Jake’s relapsed five times in the last year, and four of those times were when Kylie was around. The other was related to his dad, which is what it always used to be about when he was younger. But…I’m really not trying to be mean, but Kylie really isn’t a good person, Amy.” 

“I-are you sure they’re all linked to her?” Amy asked, slightly in disbelief. 

“Think about it, Amy. When he relapsed in February, you’d spent the day with Kylie. The relapse in March was when you went to trivia night and she was a dick to him. The bad relapse over the summer was when she came to sleep over and was rude to him the entire time, and he walked to my apartment crying and bleeding and told me. And then this time, you’d both been hanging out with Kylie and her boyfriend at Shaw’s. I mean, it’s all adding up, man.” 

“What? But, Jake would tell me if she was horrible to him, right? Surely he would! He usually says he relapses ‘cause of his dad or work stress!” 

“Look, I’m not trying to blame it all on Kylie. But please, just think about it, okay? I know Kylie’s your best friend, but Jake’s mine. And I don’t want him to be in any more mental agony than he has to be.” 

Amy nodded, standing up and walking across the apartment, trying to remain calm. She opened their bedroom door, and Jake froze at her expression. 

“Jake, does Kylie make you want to cut yourself?” she asked. 

“Amy, she…she’s your best friend,” he said. 

“Jake, please. Answer the question.” 

“Y…yeah.” 

“Jake, why didn’t you tell me?” Amy said, breaking down in tears. 

“Because she’s your best friend.” 

“And you’re my fiance! You’re the love of my life, Jake!” 

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed, crumbling. 

“Jake, baby, please don’t apologise,” she begged, wrapping her arms around him. “Does she say nasty stuff to you?” 

“I…yeah. Usually it isn’t bad, but I get so anxious before seeing her worrying about what she might say that it starts the spiral.” 

“What does she say to you, babe?” 

“Just…dumb jokes about me being an idiot and not good enough for you. And she joked about my dad once. But tonight, she made a joke to whatshisname - her boyfriend - when you were in the bathroom about me having scars and being ‘weird’. She said it to him, but I was clearly meant to hear. Amy, your friends are as smart as you are, and I’m not. She makes me feel like such a fucking idiot, and then I get convinced you’re gonna leave me and I start panicking and the only thing I can think about that might make it better is to cut myself. I’m sorry, I never wanted to say anything because she’s your friend and she makes you happy. I’m so fucking stupid, I just get in the way of everything.” 

“Jake, please. You don’t get in the way of anything. And if she makes my future husband feel like that, then she isn’t my friend, and she certainly isn’t coming to our wedding. I’m so sorry, Jake. I can’t believe I never noticed.” 

“She usually did it when you were in the bathroom or out of earshot. She didn’t want you to hear. And I didn’t want to tell you.” 

“I’m so sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me. You can always, always tell me about stuff like that, okay? I promise. I love you, Jake. You’re the most important thing in the world to me.” 

“I love you too, Ames. What…what happens now?” 

“I’m gonna arrange to meet Kylie for coffee, and I’m gonna tell it to her straight: she isn’t my friend if she thinks she can treat my soon-to-be husband like a piece of absolute shit, and poke fun at his trauma and mental health struggles for her own enjoyment and sadistic sense of humour. I’m friend breaking up with her, as soon as possible. I don’t want toxicity like that in my life.” 

“Amy, you don’t have to do that for me.” 

“Yes, Jake, I do. For so many reasons. Namely, that she’s a threat to your personal safety and sobriety journey. And I don’t want someone in my life who thinks they can bully and belittle my significant other - that isn’t a nice presence to be around.” 

“But she’s your best friend.” 

“I don’t give a fuck. I have so many other friends. I have Rosa, and Gina, and everyone else from trivia, and Dave from One Police Plaza, and Holt and Kevin, and Terry and Sharon and I’ll convince Rosa to let me make friends with her girlfriend, whoever she is. Anyway, point being, I don’t need Kylie in my life. I don’t wantKylie in my life.” 

“Are you sure? Do you promise?” 

“I’m sure, and I promise.” 

“I love you so much, Amy.” 

“I love you so much too, Jake. Now, you get into bed, and I’ll be through in a minute with our tea. I’ll say goodbye to Rosa for you.” 

“Okay. Thank her for me, alright?” 

“Of course.” 

Kissing his forehead, Amy shut the door behind her. 

“You were right,” Amy said. 

“My work here is done,” Rosa said, slipping her shoes on. 

“Thank you so much, Rosa. Jake says ‘thank you’ too.” 

“Literally anytime, alright? Call me if you need anything.” 

“I will. See you soon.” 

“See you soon, Amy. Stay safe, alright?” 

“We will.” 

Rosa left, back to her mysterious apartment and mysterious girlfriend. Amy would meet her some day, she swore to God. Brewing them cups of soothing herbal tea, Amy brushed her teeth and changed, climbing into bed beside her fiance and cuddling into him. Sipping their beverages, they snuggled for a while, and then settled down to sleep, bodies curled close and fingers linked, a sense of newfound peace lingering over them. 

Chapter Text

Rosa was at a party with Gina, holding a glass of whiskey in the corner of the room while Gina danced. She leant against the wall and watched her girlfriend, smiling.

Despite Rosa pointing out that they were in their 30s, and should NOT be attending house parties, Gina and a plus one had been invited nonetheless. There were a lot of people their age there, and Gina loved an excuse to be nosy. Some influencer she was vaguely connected with invited her to her mansion party, and after some begging, Rosa finally agreed to accompany her.

A guy approached Rosa, standing a little too close for her liking.

“Hey! How are you finding the party?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s good,” she said, shrugging noncommittally and sneakily taking a step away.

“Are you a content creator?” he asked.

“God, no. It’s my girlfriend, Gina, who is. She invited me as her plus one. Are you?”

“No, my wife’s the influencer. This is our house, actually.”

“Oh, really? Hello, then! You have a really nice place, then. I like the colour scheme.”

“Thank you. I wish I could say any of that whatsoever was my interior design input,” he said, and he and Rosa both laughed.

The uneasy feeling his initial closeness had ignited in Rosa died down. He had a wife, he knew she had a girlfriend - there was no way he had been attempting anything untoward. He’d just stood close to her so she could hear him over the thumping music.

As if he read her mind, he said, “Do you fancy heading outside? It’s so noisy in here.”

“Yeah, sure. I should probably tell my girlfriend where I’m going, though,” she replied, scanning the crowd.

“Can you see where she is?”

“Yeah, just give me a sec and I’ll be right back.”

Fighting her way through a mass of drunken, dancing bodies, Rosa grabbed a hold of Gina’s arm.

“Baby, I’ve made a friend, and I’m heading outside with him,” she said.

“Okay! Have fun!”

“You too.”

They shared a quick kiss, and Rosa returned to her new friend, following him into the spacious backyard, still grasping her glass. The cool night air and distant hum of the music was certainly a much more pleasant atmosphere, and Rosa’s overwhelm started to die down.

“Sorry, I didn’t get your name,” he said.

“Rosa.”

“Nice to meet you, Rosa. I’m Jack,” he said.

“Nice to meet you too. What kind of videos does your wife make? I seriously live under a rock when it comes to social media stuff.”

“Mostly cooking and lifestyle content, but she’s started branching out into some more fashion-y videos. It’s really not my area of expertise, either. What does your girlfriend make?”

“Well, she started off making videos of her pranking our coworkers - she used to work with me. But that progressed into a lot of random funny stuff, and then more formal lifestyle content and stuff. She does a bit of everything - home decor, cooking, fashion, all the things.”

“Do you ever feature in her videos?”

“God, no. I’m not good on camera at all. She’s managing to persuade me to accompany her to some events, like this, though, and I’ve been liking it. I’m also a police officer, so it’s not a good idea for me to have social media fame.”

“Ah, makes sense.”

“What’s your line of work?”

“Finance,” he said, grinning. “So very different to social media. But hey, my wife enjoys it, and I certainly enjoy having a fancy house from the money she makes from it, so I’m not complaining.”

Rosa laughed.

The two of them continued chatting, getting on surprisingly well considering Rosa wasn’t the best at talking to strangers. After twenty minutes, a weird floaty feeling came over her.

“I don’t…I don’t feel so good,” she said, stumbling a little.

“Oh! Let me take you upstairs so you can lie down. I’ll get your girlfriend.”

“Okay,” Rosa said.

Her vision started to seep with blackness around the edges, objects becoming blurry. Jack gripped onto her, and he guided her upstairs to his bedroom, lying her down on the bed.

“Can you…can you get Gina?” she whispered, head pounding.

“Oh, you don’t need Gina. Allll you need is me,” he said, sitting down beside her.

“Please…”

**

Taking a break from dancing, Gina grabbed a glass of water, heading out into the garden to find her girlfriend. However, once she got outside, Rosa was nowhere to be found.

“Excuse me?” Gina said, approaching one of the few other people that were out there. “My girlfriend said she was coming out here, but she’s gone. I don’t suppose you saw where she went?”

“Black curly hair, red dress?” the man asked.

“Yes, that’s her,” Gina replied.

“Jack took her upstairs, I think. She suddenly felt ill.”

“Thank you.”

Gina rushed upstairs, opening several doors and finding no one behind them.

What she found inside the master bedroom would scar her for life. Rosa was lying on the bed, barely conscious, mumbling protests. Her dress was bunched around her waist, her bra and underwear on the floor. Jack was sitting next to her, one hand roughly groping her boob while the other touched her between her legs. A prominent hickey was forming on her chest, and another on her neck.

“Stop,” she whimpered. “Jack, please. I don’t…I don’t want to.”

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF HER, YOU ABSOLUTE SICKO!” Gina screamed, grabbing him by the back of the shirt and hauling him away from her girlfriend.

“Fuck!” he cursed as Gina threw him onto his back on the floor, the breath being knocked out of him.

“Come on, Rosa, we’re going straight home, honey,” Gina said, stuffing her underwear into her purse and helping Rosa re-cover herself with her dress. “Can you get up for me?”

Rosa stumbled upwards, and with her girlfriend’s arm around her waist, managed to make it downstairs and onto the driveway. Leaning over, Rosa vomited several times into a potted plant while they waited for their cab.

“Oh baby, baby, it’s okay,” Gina said, holding her up.

Tears dripped down Rosa’s face as she swayed standing up, delirious. Without Gina’s support, she wouldn’t even be standing.

**

Silent during the cab journey home, Gina got her changed and then tucked her straight into bed once they got home. Rosa seemed far more with it, and sipped the cup of tea her girlfriend gave her.

“Do you…do you remember what happened?” Gina asked softly, taking her hand.

“Most of it. I remember him taking me upstairs, saying he was gonna get you to come help me, but he just…took my clothes off and started touching me,” she said, eyes welling with tears. “I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t listen. I was so out of it I couldn’t push him off me. I tried so hard. He…he spiked me, Gin.”

“Spiked you?” Gina said, panicking. “What? I thought you were just drunk! Jesus shit, Rosa, we need to go to the fucking hospital!”

“No, please, I don’t want to. And I feel okay now, I just need to stay hydrated. I only had two drinks, I definitely wasn’t drunk…he must’ve just slipped something into my glass when I wasn’t looking. God, I feel so fucking stupid.”

“Don’t feel stupid, okay? You did nothing wrong, Rosa.”

“I trusted him. I can’t believe he fucking did that to me,” she said, tears falling down her cheeks.

Gina wrapped her arms around her, holding her close.

“I’m so sorry this happened, baby. I’m so sorry. I’m here for you, to take care of you and help you heal from this. Whatever you need, Rosie.”

“I think…I just need you to be normal, alright? Just be Gina and I’ll feel a lot better.”

“Yeah, of course. Do you want to just go to bed?”

“I need to drink some water, but then yeah. And I need to brush my teeth, because I can still taste my vomit.”

“Do you want me to help?”

“Can you come into the bathroom with me? I’m worried I might fall or something.”

“Of course.”

Rosa managed to brush her teeth and sip some water, and then crawled into bed with her girlfriend, letting Gina hold her.

“How are you feeling, Ro?” Gina asked, stroking her hair.

“Still nauseous, and a little woozy. And I just feel…used. My skin is crawling.”

“Oh, baby,” Gina said, squeezing her tightly. “Is there anything I can do, anything at all?”

“Just stay here with me, I think. I just need to be with you.”

Gina kissed her forehead, holding her close.

**

The next morning when they awoke, Rosa swallowed some paracetamol to try and ease the grogginess she felt, and had a long, thorough shower. Gina could hear her crying in there, but left her in peace, not wanting to intrude.

Settling on the couch to eat lunch, the TV blaring absently in the background, Gina slipped her hand on her girlfriend’s leg, breaking the silence.

“Rosa…can I ask you about last night?”

“Yeah.”

“Did he rape you? You can be honest with me, baby. I just think that if that happened, you should maybe get an HIV prophylaxis from the doctors and get tested for STIs or something. I don’t want you to get really sick.”

“He definitely didn’t rape me. The bit where I was really out of it I think he was just kissing me, because when I came to a bit more I was fully clothed still. It was after that that he started touching my boobs and my, yeah.”

“Did he make you do anything to him?”

“No, I don’t think so. He never undressed. I think if you didn’t find me, he would’ve gone further, but the worst he did was get his fingers in me. Thank you for shoving him away from me.”

“Baby, you don’t need to thank me. I’m only sorry I didn’t find you earlier.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s me who went away with him.”

“You did absolutely nothing wrong, Rosa. Absolutely nothing. Please don’t blame yourself.”

**

The next morning, Gina was surprised to awake and find her girlfriend dressed and ready for work.

“Oh, you’re awake! I’m glad, because I didn’t wanna wake you but I wanted to say goodbye,” Rosa said, kneeling down at the bedside and kissing her softly.

“You’re going to work?” Gina asked, sitting up.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” Rosa asked, sitting on the bed beside her to lace up her boots.

“Rosa, you know why.”

“Babe, seriously, I’m okay. I just need to keep going with life, alright? Being normal will make me feel better.”

“Do you want me to come in today?”

“Gin, it’s your day off.”

“I know, but I’m happy to come in anyway, so I can keep an eye on you.”

“Gina, I’m fine, babe. I promise.”

“Okay. Well, text me if you need anything. And text me anyway, ‘cause I’ll miss you.”

“Of course I will. I love you, baby. See you tonight.”

“See you tonight, Rosie. I love you too.”

They shared another kiss, lips lingering, and then Rosa left.

**

At lunchtime, Rosa, Amy and Jake were sitting in the breakroom together eating.

“A truly evil guy I had a hand in arresting a while back got sentenced today,” Jake said. “Ten years.”

“I’m so glad. Another dickhead off the streets,” Rosa said.

“Agreed. What’d he do?” Amy asked.

“He was a serial sexual assaulter. His MO was spiking women at parties, bars and clubs and then assaulting them while they were unconscious.”

Staring down at her food, a wave of nausea swelled in Rosa’s stomach.

“It was pretty fucking gnarly,” he continued. “I don’t even want to think about how many women he did it to that didn’t come forward.”

Stomach lurching, Rosa repressed a gag. Her body began to shake, overwhelmed with the memory of his slimy hands all over her, squeezing and constricting her flesh.

“Hey, Rosa, are you okay?” Amy asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” she said weakly. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Rushing out the room and across the bullpen, she collapsed onto her knees in a stall, beginning to throw up, unable to even lock the door behind her. She heard hurried footsteps, and suddenly, Amy was behind her, holding back her hair and rubbing her back.

“It’s okay, Rosa, it’s okay,” Amy said soothingly as she coughed and retched.

“I’m sorry,” she said in between gags.

“You don’t need to apologise.”

Once Rosa had finished throwing up, she leaned back into Amy, who, a little surprised, wrapped her arms around Rosa.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Look, I need to tell you something, alright?” Rosa said.

“Go ahead, Rosa.”

“I got sexually assaulted at a party at the weekend. Some guy spiked my drink and then touched me while I was unconscious. Gina found me and got him off me, and took me home. I wanted to make myself come to work so I could feel like everything was normal, but I don’t think I was ready.”

“Oh my God, Rosa, I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Amy said, eyes filling with tears. “Have you gone to the police?”

“There’s no point. I have no proof whatsoever.”

“Oh, Rosa.”

Amy held her on the grimy bathroom floor as Rosa cried a little.

“Do you think you need to go home?” she asked.

“Yeah. I think I’m gonna need another few days at home to process everything before I throw myself back into work. I’ll talk to Captain Holt.”

“Okay. Do you want me to be with you, while you speak to him?”

“It’s okay, thank you, though.”

“I’m always here for you, Rosa, no matter what you need.”

“Thanks, Amy. You can tell Jake about what happened, but other than that, can you not tell anybody?”

“Of course.”

Standing up shakily, Rosa washed her hands and chewed a piece of mint gum in the absence of the ability to brush her teeth. She hugged Amy tightly, and then went to Captain Holt’s office.

Knocking firmly on the door, Rosa tried to stop shaking.

“Come in.”

Rosa entered, wiping her sweaty palms on the backs of her thighs.

“Oh, hello, Detective Diaz. What can I do for you?”

“Can I sit?”

“Of course.”

Taking a seat opposite him, Rosa took a deep breath.

“Over the weekend, my drink was spiked and I was sexually assaulted at a party,” she began. “I’m okay, and I thought forcing normalcy by being back at work today would help me get over it. But I had a flashback and threw up, and now I don’t feel good at all. I think I need a few more days away from work to process this. Please can I have the rest of the week off, sir?”

“Absolutely you can. Detective, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, I think so. I mean, I’m not fine, but I am coping, just about. I just need to process what happened before I throw myself back into work.”

“Of course. I’m sorry this happened to you. If you need anything, anything at all, don’t hesitate to reach out. Take the rest of this week off, and more, if you need it.”

“Thank you, sir. I don’t think I’ll need more than this week, but…I’ll see how it goes.”

“Detective, have you reported this to the police?”

Rosa shook her head.

“I have no evidence, sir. It isn’t worth it. I don’t want to threaten my career.”

“I respect your decision. Now, please, go home, and rest. Do you want me to call Gina to get her to pick you up?”

“No, I’m okay to make my own way home. Thank you, though. Thanks for being understanding.”

“We’re all here for you, Rosa.”

“Amy and Jake know, and obviously Gina, but other than that, are you happy to keep this between us?”

“You have my complete confidentiality.”

“Thanks, Captain.”

“You are very welcome, Rosa.”

Chapter Text

Collapsing into bed after a long day, Rosa was ready to drop asleep when her phone rang, blaring insistently. She groaned, rolling over to look at the screen. It was an unsaved number, and she frowned, leaning to answer it, assuming it was something work-related.

“Hello?” she said.

“Hello. Is this Detective Rosa Diaz?” an unfamiliar voice said.

“Yes, but I’m not a detective anymore. Who is this?”

“I’m Adrian Pimento’s mother,” she said.

“Oh! Oh, hello.”

“I know you and Adrian haven’t been together for years now, but I just wanted to let you know, honey, he passed away a week ago.”

“Wh…what?” Rosa said, eyes widening in shock.

“He got diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer three months ago. Untreatable.”

“Fuck, I…I’m so sorry,” she said, voice thick.

“Don’t be sorry. He was in so much pain by the end that it was for the best,” she replied, voice surprisingly level. “He still talked about you, you know. All the time. He never had a girlfriend that I knew of after you two broke up.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Rosa whispered.

“Please, don’t be sorry, honey. He really cared about you; had a lot of respect for you. So I thought you’d wanna know.”

“Thank you so much for calling.”

“Of course, honey. The funeral’s next Sunday if you wanna come.”

“Yes, absolutely I’ll come.”

“I’ll text you the information. You really meant a lot to my son, so…thank you for making him happy.”

Voice choked by tears, Rosa couldn’t reply.

“I’ll say goodbye now, dear. But call me anytime.”

“Thank you. Bye.”

“Goodbye, Rosa.”

Hanging up the phone, Rosa clapped a hand over her mouth, breaking down into sobs. Fumbling because of her blurred vision, Rosa called Jake.

“Hey Rosa!” he answered, chipper as ever.

“Can you come over, please?” she sobbed.

“I’m on my way.”

“Can you stay over?”

“Absolutely. I’ll be there in ten.”

Going into the kitchen, Rosa boiled the kettle, still sobbing, making a cup of tea for her and Jake. True to his word, he arrived in ten minutes, wrapping her up in a tight hug as soon as she opened the door. Clinging to him, Rosa sobbed into his shoulder, comforted a little by his familiar masculine smell.

“What’s happened, Rosa? Are you okay?” he asked, releasing her.

Sniffing, Rosa wiped her eyes on her hoodie sleeve.

“Adrian’s mom just called me. He’s dead, Jake.”

“What? Pimento’s died? But he was barely fucking 40! Jesus, Rosa, are you okay?”

“Not really. He had untreatable brain cancer. Apparently he talked about me all the time, even when he was fucking dying.”

“Fuck, Rosa, I’m here,” Jake said.

Following her into her apartment, Rosa handed him the mug of green tea, and they sat down on the couch.

“I feel so weird. It’s all just so strange. He…he still talked about me, Jake. She said he really cared about me. Even though I broke his fucking heart. I don’t know why I’m so sad, because I’ve been over him for four years. I’ve loved other people since. I don’t know why I’m so sad.”

“Some losses hit harder than expected, Rosa, and that’s okay.”

“His mom said he never had another girlfriend after me,” she said hoarsely.

“It’s clear you meant a lot to him.”

“I don’t want to have meant a lot to him. I broke his fucking heart, Jake. He never had another girlfriend, and he still talked about me even after four years. I don’t want to believe that I had that much of an effect on him. Fuck, I feel so guilty.”

“Rosa, you have nothing to feel guilty for.”

“I’m over him. Why do I feel like this? I wish I could’ve been with him. I wish I could’ve visited him, so we could’ve talked…as much as it never could’ve worked, he was far from the worst partner I ever had.”

Jake wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“I know that being single at the moment is the right decision for me. But Jesus, I feel so alone. This has made me feel even lonelier. A man I used to love has died, Jake. And I never got to say goodbye to him.”

Breaking down into fresh tears, Rosa sobbed in Jake’s arms. He knew all she needed was to be held, and so he happily obliged, rubbing her back soothingly.

“I’m sorry for making you come over. You probably had stuff planned with Amy and Mac.”

“Rosa, I’ll always come over if you need me. I’m very happy to stay the night, if it would make you feel better.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“I’m sure.”

“I was literally about to go to sleep when his mom called. Do you wanna just get into bed and cuddle, like we did in our academy days?”

“That would be lovely. I’d already brushed my teeth at home, and I’m in pyjamas, so I’m ready to settle down too.”

Jake followed Rosa into her bedroom, and they climbed into her big bed, snuggling up together under her thick duvet. Wrapping his arms around her, Rosa leaned gladly into his touch.

“I’ve just felt so lonely recently. I want to be with someone again so badly, I just hate the process of having to find someone. This is an overshare but I survived the beginning of my ‘single phase’ with one night stands, which filled the void of missing physical touch and affection, but boning strangers just isn’t enjoyable anymore. I’m always left unsatisfied and craving a depth of connection…which is scarily unlike me, but anyway. I haven’t slept with anyone in three months and I’m going crazy without any physical contact or any love or any want. I think the root of all my problems in my entire life since I was a teenager is just wanting to be loved so, so fucking badly. But I don’t know where to start.”

“I know it’s not the same, but you’re so loved by your friends, Rosa. Pimento’s death seems to have hit a very raw nerve, and that’s okay. It’s okay to be really sad, because yeah, death is really sad. I wish I’d helped him more than I did over the years.”

“I can’t help but feel so guilty.”

“Rosa, he would’ve got a brain tumour regardless of whether you broke up with him or not.”

“Yeah, but maybe he would’ve enjoyed the time he had more if I’d stayed.”

“Staying in a relationship where you’re unhappy is bad for the both of you, Rosa. Please, don’t feel guilty. You’ve done nothing wrong, okay?”

Rosa nodded.

“Shall we just get some sleep, Rosa?”

“Yeah, that would be good. I’m exhausted.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Jake.”

Chapter Text

“Okay, so that’s the van all unloaded,” Rosa said, carrying the final two boxes into the house and setting them down on the floor with all the rest.

“God, this is so exciting,” Amy said, looping one arm around Rosa’s middle and the other around Jake’s. “Our first proper home, just the three of us as a family. Away from everything we wanted to run away from.”

“I’m so excited to start this new chapter,” Rosa said. “I mean, I know New Jersey isn’t that far away from New York, but still.”

“It’s so quiet here. That’ll certainly take a lot of getting used to,” Jake said. “No traffic, no crowds.”

“Yeah,” Rosa agreed. “But the silence is nice. As is all the space.”

“We can have a bedroom for us, a library, a study, and a bedroom for our baby. If I ever actually fall pregnant,” Amy said, a hint of bitterness tainting her excited tone.

“Hey, don’t focus on that,” Rosa said, kissing her forehead. “We will have a baby, Ames, I promise you. I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, but we’ll have one.”

“I know. It’s just hard to not feel so disheartened after trying for nearly a year.”

“It is disheartening, babe, but for today, let’s forget about babies and trying. Let’s focus on our wonderful house, and the library SLASH VIDEO GAME ROOM that we’ll have,” Jake said.

Rolling their eyes, Rosa and Amy giggled.

“Now, come on - as sexy as Rosa looks doing all the heavy lifting in that tight black tank top, I imagine she wants some help,” Jake said, giggling.

“No fucking way am I putting all these boxes in the right rooms on my own. Not even with these guns,” she said, flexing with a grin.

Amy practically drooled staring at Rosa’s muscular arms. Still grinning, Rosa kissed her deeply, pulling Amy’s body flush with hers and squeezing her ass.

“Okay, ladies, break it up, break it up,” Jake said, laughing.

“You’re just jealous, Peralta,” Rosa teased. “Don’t act like you don’t want a piece of this.”

“You caught me,” he said, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

Rosa kissed him just as emphatically, briefly squeezing his crotch through his jeans. Pulling away with a devious grin, she lifted up another box and carried it through to the kitchen, leaving her very horny partners staring, before they also picked up boxes and scurried after her.

Gradually, the three of them lifted all the furniture (not that they had a lot, considering they were transitioning from a small apartment to a house - an IKEA trip was certainly needed) and boxes into the correct rooms. Once they were done, Amy started organising the kitchen, putting their food and crockery away in each cupboard and drawer. Rosa sorted out the master bedroom, as this was the room with the most stuff and needed to be ready for sleeping in that night. She organised their clothes into the double wardrobe and tall chest of drawers, made the bed up, laid down their rugs, and placed their trinkets and artwork tastefully around the room. Jake did the living room, getting the furniture in the right position and hooked up the WiFi router and TV. Once they’d finished these tasks, it was getting late, so they collapsed on the couch and ordered Chinese food.

When they were halfway through their meals, silently watching TV as they ate, Amy spoke.

“Do you think it was the right decision, to leave?” she asked.

“Babe, you know it was,” Jake said, and Rosa took her hand. “New York isn’t the right place for our family anymore. It’s loud and busy and expensive, so not the right place for our baby. And Charles was just so suffocating with his constant invasive questions about our relationship, and I’m not forgetting the incident where he called Rosa a ‘homewrecker’ in a hurry. Here, the three of us can live a quiet life, with no one being nosy and gossipy about who we are. I’ve got my detective job, Rosa’s PI firm was doing well in New York and will continue to here, and you’ve got your place to do a teaching certification. You’ll be the best history and art history teacher New Jersey has ever seen, just like you were the best detective and sergeant Brooklyn ever saw. You know, deep down, that this was the right decision.”

“It’s just so hard,” Amy said, eyes filling with tears. “It’s so…different here. And it’s a good different, I know, but just…still, it’s different. I’m not good with change.”

“Don’t cry, my love,” Rosa said, squeezing her hand. “It’s a lot to get used to, but me and Jake can be the constants in your life. And the baby we dream of having.”

“I love you both, so much. I couldn’t do life without you,” Amy said.

“We love you too, Ames,” Jake said.

They both wrapped their arms around her, holding her close. Rosa wiped her tears away gently, kissing her.

“Let’s finish our food, and then we can just get into bed. I know it’s early, but we’re all tired,” Rosa said.

“Good idea. We could all do with a cuddle and a good night’s sleep,” Jake agreed.

**

They finished their Chinese, cleared away the boxes, and then got ready for bed. Once they were all cosy together under the thick comforter, Amy felt much calmer, her lovers at her sides.

“The house is so beautiful already,” Amy said.

“It is,” Jake said. “And we haven’t even got rid of the ugly wallpaper in the bathroom yet.”

Rosa laughed.

“Once we’ve unpacked a bit more, we can start on the painting/decorating side of things. I know we’ve already chosen some stuff, like the bookshelves we want and the green we’re painting our room, but we can go to the hardware store and pick up a load of paint samples,” she said, nuzzling into Amy.

“I want the house to feel like ours as soon as possible,” Amy said. “I’ve lived in apartments since I moved out of my parents’ house, and it’s so weird to have all of this space all of a sudden.”

“I know,” Rosa agreed. “Hopefully, since we all have more space to ourselves now, we won’t bicker as much as we did. Our apartment was just too small for all three of us.”

“It was too small,” Jake said. “But just so you know, the bickering that ensued when you two stole my snacks will continue.”

Rosa and Amy giggled, sharing a kiss.

“We should probably go to sleep,” Amy said, yawning.

“Probably. Goodnight, guys. I love you,” Jake said.

“I love you too,” Rosa and Amy both echoed.

They shared tender goodnight kisses, and then all snuggled up to sleep, resting easy in their familiar bed, miles away from the city that pushed them all out.

Chapter Text

Waiting at the front desk of One Police Plaza, Captain Holt fiddled with his watch impatiently as the receptionist, who had disappeared several minutes ago to fetch him some files, remained absent.

“Oh. Madeleine,” Captain Holt said, the blonde woman appearing at his side.

“Tell me what you need,” she said.

“Excuse me?”

“Tell me what you need,” she repeated. “Two of your best detectives are wrongfully incarcerated. You couldn’t even think of a miserable quip to greet me with, which tells me things are bad. So, tell me what you need.”

He laughed hollowly.

“Truthfully, these are very trying times,” he said, nodding. “My squad is struggling. Morale is low. Santiago, my other best detective, is in a state of severe depression with her boyfriend and best friend locked up hundreds of miles away. Boyle can’t cope. Sergeant Jeffords is barely holding the precinct together. Forgive me for using such a colloquial teenage term, but the vibes are off, Madeleine. It’s like Rosa and Jake provided a vital balance to the bullpen, and now that’s been taken away, my precinct is hardly running like a well-oiled machine. Tensions are truly at an all-time high.”

“I’ll ask the commissioner to loan you another good detective, at least one. Hopefully two. Probably someone from the 98 or 67, as they’re nearby. If you need anything, anything at all, regarding Rosa and Jake’s case and the efforts to prove them innocent, call me. I’ll do everything I can from above.”

“I’m surprised you have it in you to be nice to me, Madeleine.”

“These are very extraordinary circumstances, I’m sure you will agree. I think it would be best that we abandon our childish rivalry until your detectives are out of jail. If there’s anything you need the most right now, Raymond, it’s allies. And allies in high positions, like myself. I’ll do everything in my power to get your detectives out of prison.”

“Thank you, Madeleine. I appreciate your kindness greatly.”

“I’ve only met Diaz and Peralta a handful of times, but with my personal experience with them, plus knowledge of Diaz’s task force, it’s clear they aren’t guilty. It takes a fool to believe those two would be bank robbers. They’re two of the most loyal cops this city has, and I’ve had suspicions about Hawkins for a long time. Trust me, Raymond, they will be released.”

“I have to trust you on that, because if they’re forced to serve their full sentence, I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel I’ve failed them as their captain.”

“Raymond, talk like that is useless. You’ve never failed a single one of your employees. It’s Hawkins’ power that brought your detectives down, not you.”

“Thank you, Madeleine. I needed to hear that.”

“Put aside the guilt, Raymond. It makes things easier.”

The two nodded stiffly at each other, and then Madeline continued upstairs.

Chapter Text

“How much money are we betting that Gina’ll still be here today, babe?” Jake said, as he and Amy headed into the precinct, getting into the elevator.

“Okay, well, considering your financial history, you placing bets is NOT a good idea, but I’d say there's a 100% chance she is.”

“Agreed. She’s never gonna leave. She just loves us all too much.”

“God, I hope she never leaves. I’ll miss her so much.”

“We all will, babe.”

When the elevator doors opened, and to the surprise of nobody, Gina was in the bullpen, sitting on Rosa’s desk while she worked.

“Hey Gina!” Jake called from his desk.

“Hey Jakey!” she replied, turning around and waving.

“Still here, huh? What’s the excuse this time?” he grinned.

“I had some stuff I needed to collect, so thought I might as well stay the whole day.”

“Whatever you say, Gines.”

“Hey, Shaw’s tonight?” she asked.

“Absolutely.”

“Everybody, be there, or be SQUARE!” she yelled, and then returned to her phone.

**

That evening, the squad was sat around at Shaw’s, drinking and chatting in little clumps. When Jake was in the bathroom, Gina came over to Amy at the bar, sitting down on the stool next to her.

“Heyyy,” she began.

“Hey Gina. Are you alright?”

“Listen, I wanted to talk to you. My goodbye gift to you was teaching you that it’s okay to feel your feelings, and I haven’t been feeling mine, which is dumb and hypocritical. So I’m gonna be honest with you.”

“Okay, go ahead, Gina.”

“Well, I used to have a humongous crush on you. But when I realised you were straight, could never like me back, and that my best friend also was in love with you but actually had a chance, I made myself get over it. Even now, you really mean a lot to me, Amy.”

“When was this?” Amy asked, a little speechless.

“Eh, five years ago or so.”

“But, Gina, you literally bullied me then! Not a day went by where you didn’t say something horrible about my personality or appearance.”

“Well…little boys pull little girls’ pigtails because they don’t know how to tell them they like them,” she said a little awkwardly. “I’m sorry about that. I never meant to hurt you, it was just that I couldn’t process how I felt about you any other way. I was down bad, Santiago.”

“You have a thing for nerds, then?” she teased.

“Oh, a HUGE thing. Nerds are unbelievably sexy.”

“Aren’t you dating the opposite of a nerd right now? Snowboarder Milton Boyle who never even finished high school?”

“We broke up.”

“Oh, Gina, I’m sorry,” Amy began.

“Eh, don’t be.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

“Well, there were certain things about him that didn’t make us…compatible.”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact he’s a man.”

“Oh! So, you’re…?”

“A lesbian. It’s chill. Always knew I liked girls, just not to what extent I liked guys. Which I’ve realised is to no extent at all recently. My sexuality is an open secret.”

“Thanks for telling me, Gina. Both that you’re a lesbian and also that you used to be in love with me.”

“You’re welcome. But, I’m completely over it now, don’t worry. I’m really happy for you and Jake, obviously. I didn’t wanna leave the precinct without telling you, but I couldn’t work up the nerve, so I stayed lingering around. And, don’t tell anyone, but me and Rosa are dating.”

“What? Oh my God! Gina, I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Thanks.”

“She’s hardly nerdy, though.”

“Oh, she is. She never lets anyone at her apartment because it’s a nerd explosion in there, lemme tell ya. She’s autistic and has a special interest in Russian history. She has an entire wall in her study of newspaper clippings and propaganda posters from the Russian revolution. She almost exclusively watches documentaries, and she reads every day. She’s fucking crazy, but I love her. She infodumps on me sometimes, and it’s intense, but it really turns me on. She’s as kinky as I am, if not more so, and she sometimes whispers facts about the Tsars or some shit while we fuck. Gets me off like crazy.”

Amy laughed.

“She also loves microbiology, for some reason, and has loads of maps of cells and shit up everywhere. She has a really expensive microscope and collects cell samples from natural water sources and plants to look at under it. She’s insanely smart, I’m telling you.”

“It’s nice to see you so happy, Gina.”

“Thank you, Amy. I have a lot of respect for you, and I’m sorry for being such a dick.”

“It’s okay. I always knew it wasn’t from a place of malice. You’re not as good at hiding your emotions as you think you are.”

“Hard disagree, but whatevs. Okay, Jake’s coming back, so I’ll leave you two to it. I’m off to talk to my hot nerdy girlfriend. Don’t tell anyone any of this, including Jake, or I’ll get said hot nerdy girlfriend to slit your throat. ‘Kay byeeeee.”

“Bye, Gina!”

Jake sat back down beside her, kissing her cheek.

“What was that all about?” he asked.

“Oh, nothing. Just Gina being Gina.”

“When is she not?” Jake chuckled.

“True.”

Chapter Text

Jake, Amy, Mac and Atlas sat down for dinner, tucking into steaming plates of spaghetti bolognese. 

“Mommy and daddy, how did you meet?” Mac asked, messily slurping spaghetti, smearing his face with the tomato sauce. 

“Oh, now this is a very fun story,” Jake said, grinning, and taking Amy’s hand over the table. “Ames, shall I tell it, or shall you?” 

“You tell it, babe.” 

“Alrighty. So, me and your mom both grew up in New York, really not too far from where we live now. In fact, for a few years, we lived on the same street, only on opposite ends. The first day of first grade comes, and I’m waiting at the bus stop in my shorts and t-shirt - it was still very hot despite it being September - with my Ninja Turtles backpack. My mom needed to leave for work, and I wasn’t trusted to lock up on my own, so I was stood on the sidewalk waiting for the bus half an hour early, which was ridiculous. After only ten minutes or so of waiting, a little girl with dark brown pigtails with pink hair bows and a pink backpack comes walking down the street with her mother, and I could hear her insisting that she had to be early. Her mom leaves, and she’s stood next to me. Her mom leaves, and then she starts to cry because of how nervous she is.”

**

“Don’t cry! School is fun, my mommy promised me,” the little boy said. 

“I’m scared. There’s so many other kids and I don’t know anyone!” she sobbed. 

“You know me. My name’s Jake, what’s yours?” 

“Amy,” she snivelled. 

Jake took her hand. 

“I’ll look after you, Amy.” 

“Thank you.” 

Amy’s snuffling stopped, but Jake didn’t let go of her little hand. When the bus arrived, they climbed on together, and they sat next to each other on the bus. She was jittery with nerves, unable to sit still, but Jake’s presence next to her was a little calming. 

**

“I was so excited, to think I’d made a friend. We used to play together at recess sometimes. But, your mommy moved house a few weeks into first grade, and so she moved to a different school. Our paths didn’t cross again until she joined the precinct we used to work at.” 

“You met when you were littler than me!” Mac said. “But not as little as Atlas. So does that mean I’ve met my future wife?” 

“Maybe you have,” Amy said, looking adoringly at Jake. “Maybe you have.” 

“I love you, babe.” 

“I love you too, Jake.” 

Chapter Text

The annual work Christmas party was NOT Kevin’s favourite occasion of the year. He’d never been much of a social butterfly, and even talking to his colleagues outside of work hours, whom he shared interests with and spent a lot of time with, felt somewhat agonising. It was made even worse this year, as Raymond couldn’t accompany him - he was swamped at the precinct, having to stay every night until gone 10pm to make sure everything was done. Nothing soothed Kevin in anxious social situations like the stoic presence of his husband, and without that, the evening was an even more dreadful prospect.

At the party, Kevin was standing in the corner of the room, having a conversation with his colleague Gerald.

“Now, what REALLY fascinated me about Wilson’s translation of The Odyssey was her use of iambic pentameter against the traditional dactylic hexameter used by Homer. Changing the distinction from the Greek long versus short syllable structure to the stressed versus unstressed syllable structure of the more English poetic metre, I just felt Wilson’s translation was so realised,” Gerald said.

“I wholeheartedly agree. Catapulting Homer’s work into the western 21st century only highlights the moral messages of his Epics for those reading the text in English. They’re still so prevalent today - there’s certainly many hubristic politicians out there,” Kevin said dryly, and they both chuckled.

As Gerald launched into a long speech about politics - NOT something Kevin favoured discussing at work - he allowed his mind to drift a little, interjecting with the occasional nod and murmur to affirm his focus.

His colleagues stood around in clumps, drinking merlot, port and whiskey, all engaging in eager and looser conversation than usual. Andrew and John seemed to be having a particularly animated conversation, voices elevated above the rest of the group’s. Curiosity getting the better of him, Kevin started to listen, eyes shifting over.

“-and, I mean, that absolute FOOL from Raymond’s precinct, what’s his name, Jack?” Andrew was saying.

“It’s Jake, I think,” John said.

“Ah, yes, Jake, that’s it. Well, I’m quite glad Raymond isn’t here tonight, as he gets so vexed about our judgement of the…lower-class citizens he works with. I mean, I don’t believe Jake has a high school diploma, let alone a college degree. Look at the man! So unbelievably messy and untidy.”

“Gerald, I’m sorry, please could you excuse me for a moment?” Kevin said, interrupting his monologue.

He didn’t stick around to hear his reply, walking confidently across the room towards Andrew and Jack.

“I can hear the rather distasteful conversation you two are having from the other side of the room,” Kevin said, voice level. “And I’d appreciate it if you’d stop. My husband isn’t the only one who becomes ‘vexed’ by the criticism of his employees. Jake is a wonderful man - a brilliant husband, a loyal detective, and a brave member of New York’s public services. He has been undercover, in witness protection, and even wrongfully imprisoned for the work he’s done protecting the city you men live in, in relative safety. So I’d appreciate it if you drop the criticism and judgement - it certainly isn’t a good look on either of you.”

Striding off, Kevin’s face burned as he felt their eyes on him. He felt like he was floating a little from the adrenaline, uplifted by his own bravery - he was certainly averse to confrontation. And, most importantly of all, he had kept his integrity. He knew Raymond would be proud of him.

Chapter Text

When Rosa unlocked their apartment door after work, all the blinds were closed and all the lights were off.

“Babe?” she called, cautiously stepping into the dark apartment. “It’s me. Are you okay?”

Rosa crept through the apartment, heeled boots making loud taps on the hardwood floor.

“Adrian, baby, it’s me. Where are you? I promise you’re safe. You can come out.”

Going into their room, Rosa checked his usual hiding spots under their bed and in the ensuite’s shower. She opened the closet doors, and there he was, eyes glowing wild, bright white, in the pitch black.

“WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME? HUH?” he screamed.

Before she could answer, he punched her in the face, sending her reeling, and then his hands were around her throat, driving her backwards onto the bed. Gasping, Rosa tried to push him off, head thumping and chest tightening. His body crushing hers, he squeezed her throat tightly, screaming and yelling unintelligibly. She writhed underneath him, unable to get him off her.

When Rosa started to go lightheaded, she made one final attempt, kneeing him squarely in the stomach. He fell backwards, slamming into the floor, and Rosa sat up, breathing heavily.

"Rosa? Oh my God, Rosa, fuck, baby, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," he began, sobbing, wrapping his arms around her. "Baby, I'm so sorry. Fuck, I didn't realise it was you. It won't happen again, I promise you. Fuck, fuck, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she said shakily, patting his back. "I'm gonna make dinner."

"Let me, baby, let me."

"No, please."

Rosa wriggled out of his grasp, turning the lights on and going into the kitchen to begin making dinner. He followed her, looking like a sad puppy, and lingered behind her while she chopped vegetables. He slipped his arms around her waist, squeezing gently, but she shrugged him off, turning around to face him.

“This needs to stop, okay? It's the third time you've tried to strangle me to death. I know you don't do it on purpose, but I don't want to be strangled by my boyfriend. I don't know what you need to do to stop having these…attacks, these episodes of paranoia, but I think you need to start by going to fucking therapy.”

“Rosa, I'm so sorry. It really isn't on purpose. I'd NEVER hurt you on purpose, not ever. I can’t control it.”

“Then you need to LEARN to control it!” Rosa said, voice becoming thick as tears filled her eyes. “I’m not gonna live in fear of my own fucking boyfriend trying to kill me. You’re supposed to love me, Adrian. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LOVE ME!”

“Rosa, I do love you, I promise.”

Rosa’s yelling descended into sobs, and Adrian wrapped his arms around her. She cried into him, his strong arms around her.

“I don’t…I don’t know if I can stay, Adrian,” she said once she’d collected herself.

“Stay? As in…you’re gonna break up with me?”

“You’ve tried to kill me three times. You’ve laid your hands on me and left marks. A boyfriend shouldn’t do that.”

“I know,” he whispered.

“I need time to think. But I swear to fucking God, Adrian, the minute this happens again, you’re out on your fucking ass, okay?”

“I understand. Now please, go and have some time to yourself. I’ll make dinner.”

“Okay.”

Rosa retreated into their room, shutting the door. She changed into pyjamas and got into bed, pulling the covers over her head. Grabbing her phone, she dialled Jake’s number, tears dripping down her cheeks.

“Jake…it happened again,” she whispered as soon as he answered the phone.

“Shit, Rosa. How bad?”

“Can you talk a bit quieter?”

“Of course, sorry,” he whispered back.

“Quite bad. I went really dizzy and I was gasping for breath for a while after.”

“Rosa…you’ve gotta leave him.”

“I know,” she sobbed. “I just love him so much.”

“I know you do. But you can’t keep dealing with this. It never should’ve happened in the first place. He isn’t good for you, Rosa. He can’t treat you like this.”

“He doesn’t mean to.”

“Even if that is true, it doesn’t make it okay.”

“I know it doesn’t. But I don’t wanna leave him, Jake. I love him.”

“Ro, I can tell how scared you are just from your voice. It’s not okay that he makes you feel like this.”

Rosa kept crying, clinging onto her phone and Jake’s voice.

“I’ll end it tomorrow morning.”

“Good. But why not now? You’ll back out if you leave it until tomorrow.”

“I won’t, I promise. I just…I just need some time to say goodbye to him and to pack my stuff. We live together, Jake.”

“Come and stay with me and Amy. We have a comfy couch, and you can have as long as you need with us.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Are you sure that you’re safe for the night?”

“Yeah, I think so. He’s calmed down, and he’s not in his…state…anymore.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll keep my phone on tonight, and if you need me to come and get you anytime, even in the middle of the night, I will.”

“Thanks Jake.”

“Stay safe, okay, Rosa? You can do this.”

“Yeah. I can. And I will, I promise.”

“1000 pushups?”

“1000 pushups.”

“I love you, Rosa.”

“I love you too, Jake. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Hanging up, Rosa curled into the fetal position, gripping her legs tightly. Eventually, her tears slowed, and she forced herself to get up and wash her face. Leaving the sanctity of their bedroom, she cautiously went into the kitchen, finding Adrian dishing up some curry.

“Hey babe!” he said brightly. “You’re perfectly on time. Go and sit on the couch and pick a movie, I’ll be right with you with some food.”

“Okay.”

Rosa went into the living room, curling up on the couch with a blanket and selecting The Parent Trap on Netflix. When Adrian joined her, they ate in relative silence, his arm around her shoulders. She couldn’t help but snuggle into him, somewhat comforted by his familiar smell and feel, despite it being him who had elicited her sadness. Towards the end of the movie, he started to kiss her, hands trailing down to her ass and squeezing, pulling her into his lap.

“God, Rosa, I want you so bad,” he said, breaking the kiss to move down to her neck, cupping her boobs.

“Adrian…I’m sorry…I don’t want to tonight,” she said, shifting off his lap.

“Oh. Okay, that’s fine,” he said, a little surprised. “Are you okay? You’re always up for sex.”

“You almost choking me to death doesn’t exactly get me in the mood.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied lamely.

“Can we just shut up and finish the movie?”

“Of course, babe.”

Scowling, Rosa slumped against him, his arm coming back around her shoulders. She didn’t respond to the kisses he pressed to her cheeks and the top of her head, arms folded across her chest.

Once the movie finished, she got up, loading the dishwasher while Adrian stood in the doorway and watched.

“Babe, do we need to talk?” he asked.

“Please, not right now. I need a bit of time to think, and I’m tired. Can we just go to bed?”

“Sure.”

He hugged her, and she let him, accepting a soft kiss.

“I love you, Rosa.”

“I love you too.”

Brushing their teeth, they got into bed. Rosa rolled away from him, but when he resumed his position behind her, arms around her waist, she was oddly comforted again.

**

When her alarm went off, Rosa dragged herself out of bed while Adrian kept sleeping. Going into the bathroom to brush her teeth, she examined the purple bruises forming on her neck. Taking in her dishevelled appearance, messy hair and swollen, tear-stained face, her decision only solidified in her mind. She quietly packed up as much stuff as she could, clothes and toiletries and her most sentimental items. She showered, dressed and did her hair and makeup, then texted Jake.

Rosa: please could you pick me up? I might be a bit longer than the time it takes you to get here idk
Jake: of course. I’m happy to wait as long as you need. you got this
Rosa: thank you

Taking a deep breath and wiping her sweaty palms on the backs of her jeans. She carefully sat down on Pimento’s side of the bed, shaking him gently.

“Oh! Morning, babe,” he said, stretching and smiling up at her. “You’re all dressed! We don’t have anywhere to be, right?”

“Adrian,” she said softly. “I want to talk now.”

“Talk? Okay,” he said, sitting up.

“Adrian, I really, REALLY love you. I love you so much. But I can’t stay.”

His face fell. Swallowing her tears fiercely, Rosa watched him process what she’d just said.

“You’re breaking up with me?”

“Yeah, I am. I’m sorry. I never wanted to do this. But this is the third time you’ve strangled me, and I can’t trust you anymore. I don’t feel safe with you anymore. I know it was never on purpose, and I know you never meant to hurt me…but that doesn’t change the fact that you did hurt me. Do you understand?”

He nodded.

“I really think this is for the best. And I also think that it’s for the best that you go to therapy, so you stop having these…attacks. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully trust you again, so please, don’t think that when I tell you to get better, that means I’ll take you back if you do. I need to move on.”

“I understand,” he whispered. “God, I love you so much, Rosa. I’m sorry I’ve pushed you away.”

“I’m sorry you pushed me away too.”

He took her hand, squeezing it softly.

“What’s gonna happen with the apartment and stuff?”

“You keep it. I don’t want it. I want a fresh start.”

“Thank you. I have nowhere else to go.”

“I’ve packed up some stuff, and I’ll be staying with friends while I find somewhere new. I’ll need to come back to get some more stuff, but I’ll call you about that in a few days.”

“Okay. I’ll really miss you, Rosa.”

“I’ll miss you too. Thank you for being understanding.”

“Of course. I’m really sorry.”

“I know you are. Unfortunately, that doesn’t really change anything.”

He nodded, letting go of her hand. She leaned in and kissed him softly, lips lingering, and then pulled away.

“Goodbye, Adrian.”

“Goodbye, Rosa.”

As she left the bedroom and closed the door, she heard him burst into sobs, and her heart wrenched. Swallowing, she grabbed her suitcase and keys, heading down to the busy street below. Jake was waiting for her, standing next to his car on the side of the road.

“It’s done,” she said.

“Oh, Rosa, c’mere,” he said, wrapping his arms around her.

She burst into tears, clinging tightly onto him.

Chapter Text

Amy and Jake were walking towards their car in the precinct garage, laughing and chatting, Amy’s arm slipped through her fiance’s.

“JAKE!” Charles yelled from behind them.

“Hey buddy! What’s up?” he asked, turning around to face them.

“Hawkins’ trial has been reviewed. They’re letting her out, and you’re being charged with framing her.”

Suddenly, the petrol-scented air in the garage grew too thick, and the stained grey walls were closing in on him. Legs turning to jelly, he stumbled, falling to the floor. The shouting voices around him felt like distant hums, and then, he was right back in prison.

The orange jumpsuits.

The screaming guards and screaming prisoners.

The rattle of desperate fists on steel bars.

The scratch of pencil marking off another day on cinder block cell walls.

The shivers that wracked his body at night when it was freezing cold.

The aching, endless loneliness.

The longing for Amy.

The fear for Rosa’s safety, locked away with him, but miles apart.

And he was going back.

“JAKE!”

Amy’s voice cut through his panic, and her face came into view. He realised he was lying on his back on the grimy garage floor.

“Jake,” she repeated, sobbing, arms wrapping around him. “CHARLES, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!”

“I-I-I thought it would be funny!” he said frantically.

“FUNNY? YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUCKING FUNNY?” Amy yelled.

“Y-yeah! Jake loves pranks!”

“Jake, it was all a fucking joke,” Amy said, glaring at Charles before turning her attention back to her fiance. “Hawkins is rotting in jail, I promise you. You aren’t going back to prison.”

Relief ran through him.

“Ames, can we just…go home?” he asked weakly.

“Of course.”

Amy helped him up, and Jake got in the passenger side.

“Jake, please,” Charles began, but he just shut the door, not looking back at his best friend.

Seething, Amy started to drive away, heading out of the precinct garage and onto the busy New York streets.

“He’s supposed to be my friend. How could he fucking do that to me?” Jake said, breaking the silence.

“I have no idea,” Amy said, tightly gripping the steering wheel. “It’s such shitty fucking behaviour.”

“I do love pranks, but that just wasn’t funny. How could he think it was? And I had to have a PTSD attack like a lame fucking idiot.”

“Jake, no! None of this was your fault. You had a perfectly reasonable reaction, considering someone you trust - trusted - just told you you’re being sent back to the place that traumatised you. Jake, baby, please. Don’t criticise yourself.”

“I just…I don’t understand why Charles did that.”

“I don’t either.”

“God, I just…I feel so shaken up still.”

“Let’s get you into bed as soon as we get home, alright? Sleeping it off always used to help when you’d get them often.”

“Yeah. I need a nap, I’m fucking exhausted.”

**

Jake was awoken from his slumber by the buzzing of his phone on the bedside table. Groaning, he leaned over to grab it, and realising it was Charles, he declined it. Staring in disbelief at his home screen, he took in the dozens of missed calls and fifty texts he’d received from him. Jesus, I mean, at least the fucker was showing some remorse. A new call came through, and Jake answered.

“Jake? Jake, oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Charles sobbed. “I’m so sorry. It was stupid, I was such a dick, I just-I thought it would be funny!”

“It wasn’t funny, though, Charles. It wasn’t fucking funny.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Look. I know you didn’t mean to cause that reaction…but you still did. I’m gonna need some time to think stuff over, and then I’ll call you. So please, man, just back off, alright?”

“Okay. Have as much space as you need. I’m really sorry, Jake, I had no idea you got PTSD episodes like that.”

“Yeah, because I never felt like I could fucking talk to you about it,” he said, laughing bitterly. “Thank God for Amy and Rosa. Now just leave me alone for a bit, alright?”

“Okay. I love you, Jake.”

“Bye, Charles,” he said, hanging up.

Flopping down on the mattress again, Jake pulled the duvet over his head. After a few minutes, the door opened, and Amy slipped under the sheets beside him. Grateful for the company, he wrapped her arms around her.

“Was that Charles on the phone?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“What did he say?”

“Well, he was crying, and he apologised a million times. I told him to back off, and that I needed space to think about stuff for a while. Who knows what’ll happen now.”

“Did he agree to back off?”

“Yeah, he did. Fuck knows if he’ll actually stay away, though. I mean…this feels like only the tip of the iceberg, really. I’d been having some doubts about our friendship…ever since prison, things hadn’t felt the same. It was like I just couldn’t open up to him anymore. Everything was about him and how HE felt that I was in prison and how happy HE was that I was back, and yeah, it would’ve fucking sucked for him; I’m not trying to say he wasn’t allowed to be sad about it, but…at the end of the day he was at home in a safe, cosy apartment with his girlfriend and son. I was locked away on my own with dangerous people all around me, being threatened, and separated from everyone I love. And you were all alone without any proper support with me and your best friend gone. But some things haven’t really been sitting right with me lately. That, of course, and when Rosa confided in us about how Charles never came to visit, never wrote and never called when she was locked up, and acted like she’d never been gone when we came back. He barely even acknowledged her. And then all the weird stuff about him harassing her years ago even though she was in a relationship and told him ‘no’ a thousand times. I just…I don’t think he’s a good guy, Ames.”

“I mean, this certainly all is compelling evidence…I’m here for you, Jake, no matter what you choose.”

“Thank you, Amy. I couldn’t do this without you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They shared a kiss, and Amy snuggled into him under his chin.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Rosa came over to their apartment while Amy was at work, and listened silently while Jake told her the full story.

“Let me just say, if that asshole pulled that shit on me, he wouldn’t have walked out that fucking parking garage,” she said, gritting her teeth. “Okay, so what’s the game plan?”

“Well…I don’t think I want to be friends with him anymore,” Jake said. “I know it’s lame and so high school, but I just…I can’t believe he’d do that to me, you know? And after the way he treated you when you came back from prison, and all the weird harassment stuff years ago, and him making prison all about himself…I just don’t think I wanna be around that, you know?”

“Totally. He’s treated you like shit, and I’m glad you finally see it. Not to mention his weird pervy obsession with you and Amy.”

“Yeah, that could never not be strange. I’m just so bad at confrontation, and so bad at articulating my feelings. Do you think you could help me think of what to say?”

“Of course, man. How about you write a letter to read out to him? Then you have a clear plan and you’re not gonna forget anything you want to say.”

“That’s a really good idea,” he agreed.

Together, Rosa and Jake typed out a detailed letter, pouring out his feelings. It was hard, and Jake almost backed out several times, but with a mixture of gentle encouragement and threats, he agreed to persist with it. Once the letter was done, he printed it out, and then texted Charles, asking to go to his apartment so they could talk. Unsurprisingly, his reply came instantly, so Rosa drove him over and agreed to wait outside in the car.

His step was a little shaky as he made his way up to Charles’ apartment, and before he even knocked, Charles opened the door.

“Hey!” Charles said, voice high-pitched with nerves.

“Hey, Charles. Can I come in?”

“Of course!”

They sat down on the couch, and Jake took a deep breath.

“Okay, I wrote stuff down to read out because I didn’t wanna forget anything,” he said, trembling hands taking the paper from his pocket and opening it. “So. I wanted to say thank you, first, for being my best friend all these years. You mean a lot to me, Charles, which is why this hurts even more. Um. I think it’s for the best if we have some distance from each other, from now on. Not never talk at work or anything, but I need space from you. There’s been a lot of stuff over the years that have been real red flags, and I ignored them. For starters, how you treated Rosa when you had a crush on her. She kept telling you no, and you refused to listen for so long, and that’s a very slippery slope, Charles. I think she deserves a proper apology, because some people might describe that as sexual harassment. And then the weird comments about my sex life, and inserting yourself so much in mine and Amy’s relationship that it almost drove us apart in the beginning. And then, the whole prison thing…I’m not trying to suggest that it wasn’t hard for you, because of course it was. But when I came back, you just made it all about you and how me being locked up made YOU feel. There was never any available avenue for me to be able to talk about my feelings and experiences regarding prison with you, and I’d really hoped that my best friend would be there for me. And you barely even acknowledged the fact that Rosa had been in prison too - you pretty much ignored her. Then obviously, there’s the ‘prank’ you pulled yesterday. Made me feel pretty shit, Charles. I know you might not have intended all these things to come across the way they did, and I know a lot of the time you acted out of love for me. But I don’t think this friendship is a good place for me to be right now, at this stage of my life.”

Charles nodded.

“I’m really sorry, Jake,” he said, holding back tears. “I really am. I’ve been such an asshole to you. I respect your decision to put some space between us, and I’ll honour it. Thank you for being honest with me, and pointing out my shitty behaviour. I’ll apologise to Rosa, and to Amy, and I’ll work hard on changing myself.”

“Thank you. It’s a sign of a good person that you can recognise your mistakes. But still, that doesn’t change what’s happened.”

“I know.”

“I’m gonna head home, but I’ll see you at work on Monday, alright?”

“Yeah. See you then, Jake.”

Jake rested his hand briefly on Charles’ shoulder, and then left, exhaling deeply.

Chapter Text

“McClane, I am so angry with you!” Amy said, putting her bag down on the counter as they walked into the apartment after she picked him up from school.

“Mom, I said I’m sorry, okay?”

“Not good enough! I can’t believe you picked on another kid! Me and your father raised you better than that.”

“I didn’t even say anything to her! It was all Jack and Caleb, I was just standing there!”

“You should’ve told them to stop.”

“Yeah, and I did! I know what’s right and wrong. And what’s wrong is that I’ve been put in detention for an entire week, when the girl, Josie, literally said to the teacher - I know, because I was there - that I never said anything bad, and I stuck up for her. But the teacher wouldn’t listen!”

“How should I know you’re telling the truth?”

“Call the principal and ask her if you don’t believe me. I wouldn’t lie to you, Mom.”

“Well, if you are being honest…that does seem like a very harsh punishment when you didn’t do anything. Do you swear to me that you didn’t say anything nasty?”

“Mom, I swear to you.”

At that moment, the door opened, and Jake walked in with Atlas after picking her up.

“What’s all the argy bargy for? I could hear raised voices,” he said.

“Mac got a week’s detention for not really doing anything wrong,” Amy said.

“Well, wish I could say that Atlas has been well-behaved,” Jake said, voice a little stern.

Atlas crossed her arms, stomping off to her room.

“What’s happened with her?” Amy asked.

“She shoved a kid off the swings at recess for not giving her a turn.”

“Jesus Christ! I thought we were good parents,” Amy said, massaging her temples.

“She didn’t get in any trouble, but the teacher told me what happened. I told her in the car that she can’t have dessert tonight as a punishment so she’s in a mood with me.”

“Hold on,” Mac said. “So she shoves a kid over for no real reason and gets off with 0 punishment from school, but when my friends make fun of someone and I tell them to stop very non-confrontationally, I get detention for a whole week?”

“Well, that does seem weird,” Amy said.

“It’s because I look more Latino, isn’t it?” he said. “It’s all blatant racism! Atlas has pale skin and light brown hair and gets off scot free, but then me and my brown skin and curly dark hair gets a week of detention for no reason.”

Amy started to cry, wrapping Mac in a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry, baby. It’s so unfair,” she said, gripping onto him. “You don’t deserve to be punished, and, I mean, your theory sounds reasonable. I’ll talk to your teacher.”

“Thanks. It just sucks. Me and Atlas have the same ethnicity but for some reason she’s different because her skin is lighter. It’s so dumb.”

“It is dumb,” Jake agreed, joining the hug. “And you don’t deserve it.”

Mac wiggled out the hug, uncomfortable.

“You can go to your room to play, Mac,” Amy said, wiping her eyes. “You aren’t in any trouble. I’m sorry I got angry.”

“Nah, it’s fine, Mom.”

Mac went to his room, and Jake and Amy sat down on the couch.

“I don’t think I properly realised that stuff like that happened until we had kids,” Jake said in disbelief. “It’s just crazy.”

“I know right. It’s so subconscious, too. I’m sure their teachers didn’t think ‘I’m gonna punish McClane really harshly because he’s brown’ and then vice versa for Atlas, but it’s just so ingrained in some people’s brains that they do it without ever properly thinking about it. It’s so fucking shitty.”

“It is. But we should definitely have a meeting with his teacher to try and get this sorted out, because he doesn’t deserve to be punished like this.”

“He doesn’t. God, I just want a kind, safe, accepting world for my children to grow up in. Is that really so hard to achieve?”

“Me too, Ames. Me too.”

Chapter Text

Jake and Amy were riding the elevator down to the ground floor, bundled up in coats and scarves to face the bristly cold of New York in January. They were chatting amiably about their current case, wherein they were trying to pin down a new ecstasy ring that had sprung up in the last month or two. It took a moment for them to notice that the elevator had stopped, while the doors remained closed.

“Wait. Ames. Are we moving?” he asked.

“No, we aren’t.”

“Hm. Weird.”

Jake pressed the “door open” button, and when nothing happened, he pressed it frantically.

“I think we’re fucking stuck!” he exclaimed.

“Oh my God oh my God oh my God,” Amy said, beginning to panic. “Fuck. Claustrophobia. Oh God.”

Amy suddenly became unbearably hot, ripping off her scarf and jacket. God, only a month into their relationship and Jake was about to witness one of her freakouts. And also, she was stuck in a fucking elevator.

“Ames, babe, relax. It’s gonna be okay, I promise. I’ll call Captain Holt, and I’m sure things’ll get moving again in a few minutes.”

“Okay. Okay. Okay.”

“Just breathe, alright, babe?” he said, taking a deep breath.

Amy copied, remembering her box breathing exercises and doing them dutifully while Jake dialled Captain Holt.

“Hey Cap’n! Me and Amy are lowkey stuck in the elevator. Can you tell what’s going on?” he said.

“I shall come and investigate instantly.”

“Thanks Cap’n.”

Things were quiet for a minute as Holt came to the elevator, examining it from the outside. Amy jumped when they heard a distant banging.

“Sorry, that was just me against the doors,” Holt said. “I think you’re well and truly stuck. I’ll call One Police Plaza and get them to send someone whose job it is to do this stuff to get you two out. Meanwhile, I’ll come and check from every floor if I can see anything and maybe get you out myself. But I’m sure things will be all sorted in an hour or two.”

“An hour?” Amy exclaimed, beginning to panic again.

“Amy, it’ll be okay,” Jake promised. “Captain, call me back when you have an update.”

“Of course.”

“Bye!”

Jake hung up, turning his attention to Amy.

“Babe, we’re going to be fine, okay?” he said, gripping her shoulders. “I promise.”

“But we’re stuck in here and I’m tired and I’m hungry and I’m fucking claustrophobic!”

“Ames. Just relax. Come on, let’s sit down against the wall and cuddle and pretend we’re just having a conversation at home on the couch, alright?”

“Okay,” she said, breathless with fear.

They curled up in a corner, Jake’s jacket scrunched up behind Amy to make her more comfortable. He removed his tie, undid Amy’s top button and untucked her shirt.

“There! See, we’re comfy and relaxed at home, just chilling and having a nice conversation. We’re talking about work and how amazing we’re doing on this case, and how we’re gonna single-handedly bust every single drug dealer in New York city, because this partnership excels in the streets AND the sheets!”

Amy giggled, already feeling a little more relaxed.

“Okay, and now we’re talking about what to have for dinner,” Jake continued. “Maybe pizza, or some pasta, or we can be super lazy and just make mac and cheese from the box. Ooh, or we can go to the Polish place-”

“Jake, I cannot talk about food right now. I’m so fucking hungry,” she said, letting her head thump back against the wall.

“Well, luckily for you, madame, I have an only slightly melted fruit rollup in my pocket,” he said, producing it with a flourish.

“Thank you so much,” she said, taking it. “Wanna share it?”

“Nah, you have it. I had a bagel an hour ago.”

Amy quickly ate the fruit rollup, for once grateful for her boyfriend’s childish taste in food.

“Okay, and now we’re talking about how amazing and hot we are, and how we’re gonna have the best sex ever tonight to celebrate escaping the elevator of treachery.”

“Jake! I said no sexy stuff at work, remember?”

“Well, this is hardly work - we’re stuck in a damn elevator, Santiago.”

“Still, we’re at the precinct.”

“Does no sexy stuff at work include no making out when trapped in an elevator?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes, it does.”

“Aww, man.”

They shared a tender kiss, but Amy broke away after a few seconds. After the Captain Dozerman incident, she wasn’t all too eager to be kissing Jake in the precinct.

“How about we have a deep conversation?” Jake suggested.

“Sure. Now is as good a time as any, I suppose.”

“Great! Okay, let’s talk about high school. What devastating thing happened to you that you’ll never forget? Because everyone had something awful happen to them, it’s literally compulsory.”

“Well…I got bullied for being a nerd, unsurprisingly. But when I was a sophomore I got jumped by some girls in the bathroom and one of them pulled a knife on me.”

“What?” Jake said, incredulous.

“Crazy, right? Someone else walked in before they could do anything with the knife, and all three of them got expelled for premeditatedly attacking a student, and also for carrying a knife. It was crazy. I didn’t sleep for a week afterwards, and I had nightmares for years.”

“Jesus, Amy! You almost got stabbed!”

“I know. But anyway, I still think about them. I fantasise about arresting one of them, because look who’s cool now, huh?”

Jake giggled, kissing the top of her head.

“Oh, and I had a pregnancy scare when I was a senior, and that was fucking terrifying. I knew that if I got pregnant, I’d be kicked out of my house, lose my shot at Valedictorian, and lose my full-ride college scholarship. So that was pretty scary.”

“I thought you told me you didn’t have a boyfriend until college? And didn’t you not lose your virginity until you were 18?”

“I didn’t have a boyfriend. I was secretly hooking up with one of the guys on the football team for almost all of senior year. And my birthday’s in September, dummy.”

“Amy Santiago! I feel like I barely know you.”

Amy shrugged.

“I didn’t want a boyfriend, especially not him. He was devastatingly sexy, but he wasn’t exactly my type in personality. And he obviously wasn’t into nerds, being popular and all, but he was really attracted to me. So we were both content with hooking up several times a week and not telling anyone. We’d hang out properly sometimes too, but it never would’ve worked out with us properly dating.”

“I can’t believe you’ve had a friend with benefits!”

“I was horny, he was horny. Sex keeps me sane when I’m stressed, and you know that,” she said, poking him. “Senior in high school Amy’s normal level of stress is current Amy’s extreme stress level, so safe to say I was absolutely crazy back then.”

“Damn.”

“As if you don’t have a sexual secret, Peralta.”

“Well…” he began awkwardly.

“Okay, come on, you have to tell me now. If you want to, of course!”

“Can you promise not to be weird about it?”

“I promise.”

“Sooo…me and Gina have kinda had sex.”

Amy stared at him for a second.

“You and Gina? And also, ‘kinda’?”

“Okay, well, we’ve always been super close, and when we were, like 20, we decided to try dating, because, well, why not, I suppose. So I took her out to dinner, and we made out on my couch while watching a movie. We went to bed and started having sex, but halfway through we both got weirded out, and realised we could never really like each other like that, so we stopped. We agreed that it was a horrendous mistake, and we never mentioned it again. I promise that I don’t see her that way one bit, and I never have. We’re literally just friends. Nothing could ever happen, so you don’t need to be worried.”

“Oh, I’m not worried at all. I’m not insecure like that. I’m just…surprised? And also kinda not. I mean, when you’re friends with someone of the opposite sex like that for so long, I suppose it makes sense to try dating and see if that works. But at the same time, you and Gina? You don’t seem like her type, and I know she isn’t yours.”

“Yeah, I’m exclusively into hot nerds named Amy.”

Amy blushed, smiling.

“I know this is, like, a stupid time to say this for the first time, and if you don’t wanna say it back that’s totes okay, but…Amy, I love you.”

“I love you too, Jake.”

Grinning, they shared a soft kiss, Amy’s hands on Jake’s face pulling him closer.

“What happened to no making out at work, huh?” he said, pulling away but keeping their faces close.

“Oh, shut up, Peralta,” she said, smiling, joining their lips again.

Mid-kiss, the elevator started moving again, and they broke away, scrambling hastily to their feet. Jake’s phone began to ring, and he answered it as the doors opened and they walked out into the ground floor.

“Hey Cap’n! Yes, the elevator started moving again, we’re out on the ground floor now…yeah, we didn’t press anything, it just started moving. I guess it was jammed…thanks, sir. Okay, see you tomorrow! Bye!”

Hanging up, Jake turned his attention back to Amy, and she slid her arm through his.

“Right, let’s get some food and head home,” he said.

“Ugh, yes please. I’m fucking starving.”

Chapter Text

“Baby, what do you wanna do for your birthday?” Jocelyn asked, putting her phone down on the duvet and looking up at Rosa.

“I don’t know,” she said thoughtfully as she changed into pyjamas. “You know I don’t like a fuss, and I hate having birthday parties. It would be fun to just go out for dinner with you, and watch movies at home.”

“I feel like we should do something more special, though,” she countered.

“Why? It’s literally just my birthday, babe. It’s not important or anything.”

“Of course it’s important! You deserve to be celebrated.”

“I really just don’t like a fuss,” Rosa said, climbing into bed beside her and shifting into her arms.

“It’s your first birthday you’re spending with me,” she pouted.

“I know. And I know you wanna make it special and you’re being kind and generous, but I just don’t like fuss and attention. At ballet school it was ingrained in me that that was always a bad thing. I’d rather just have a nice dinner with you and for us to spend some quality time together.”

“Well, it’s not what I pictured, but I’m sure it’ll be lovely anyway.”

They shared a gentle kiss, and Rosa smiled.

“I love you, Jo.”

“I love you too, babe.”

**

On Rosa’s birthday, she stayed a little late at work to tie up some loose ends so she could be fully relaxed and enjoy her evening with her girlfriend. She’d agreed to have some pre-dinner drinks with Jocelyn at Shaw’s, so she changed at the precinct and headed right there.

Rosa: I’m on my way to shaws, be there in five baby <3
Jocelyn: okay, see you soon <333

Sighing happily as she set off, Rosa couldn’t wait to have a pleasant, relaxing evening with her girlfriend. It was really nice that Jocelyn cared so much about her birthday, having already gifted her a gorgeous bracelet that morning that she was wearing, along with her usual leather jacket and a slinky red dress she already knew her girlfriend loved. She wanted to get laid that night, and who could blame her when she had such an attractive girlfriend?

When Rosa opened the door to the bar and stepped inside, she was greeted by a large group yelling “SURPRISE!”

Looking around in shock and trying to mask her horror, she took in the thirty people standing around a huge banner and balloons, Jocelyn beaming in the centre. The squad was there, but other than that, everyone else was a friend of Jocelyn’s. Some she didn’t even recognise, and most she’d only met once or twice. Swallowing the bile that rose in her throat, she tried her best to smile.

“Babe! I had no idea you were doing this!” she said, trying to sound bright.

“Well, it’s called a surprise party for a reason, huh?” Jocelyn replied, beaming and hugging her tightly.

Trying to steady her breathing, Rosa plastered on a smile and talked to all her - well, Jocelyn’s - friends. Drinks were pushed into her hands, and she tried to keep up with people’s conversation while her brain buzzed. Jocelyn was hanging off her arm, constantly kissing her and touching her. Rosa tried to respond in kind, but she hated PDA, and the people around her watching intently made it worse.

When Rosa made her way round to Jake and Amy, the noisy, busy, hot bar started to get to her. Jocelyn’s hands on her, the dense air, the reek of beer - suddenly, it was all too much.

“Rosa, are you okay?” Jake asked, taking in her slightly green complexion.

“I-I-I-yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” she said, chest heaving as she stumbled.

“No, Rosa, you’re not. You’re having a fucking panic attack,” Jake said, gripping her shoulders and prying Jocelyn off her. “Look at me, okay? Focus on me.”

“I just need some air,” she said, hyperventilating and running out the bar, feeling everybody watching her.

Once outside in the chilly, dark street, Rosa leaned against the brick wall, trying to stop her frantic breathing. Her burning body started to cool, and the reduced noise level calmed her thumping head.

“Rosa? What was all that about?” Jocelyn asked, coming outside.

“I don’t…Jocelyn, I’m sorry, but I just can’t do stuff like that,” Rosa said, a few tears streaking down her cheeks.

“What? Be celebrated on your own goddamn birthday?”

“Jo, I told you, I hate fuss, I hate attention, I hate crowds, and I can’t do surprise parties, especially when I barely know 90% of the people. Thank you, really, for trying to make it special, but please, I need you to listen to me, okay? I can’t do stuff like this.”

“Can you not just be fucking grateful? I spent weeks planning this whole party for you! To celebrate YOU!”

“But I told you, it’s not what I wanted,” she sobbed. “I just wanted a quiet night with just you, because I love you. I can’t talk to thirty people who I mostly barely know, and I can’t be somewhere busy and hot and loud. Jo, I opened up to you about my autism thinking you’d get it, but clearly, you don’t.”

“Well, you certainly don’t act autistic most of the time,” she remarked.

“Because I’m scared of being judged! I’m scared of people seeing me as weird, including you. And then it all builds up and I explode at moments like this where it’s all too much.”

Sobs wracking her body, Rosa slid down the wall, sitting on the grimy pavement. Jocelyn helped her back up again, holding her up in a hug until the tears slowed.

“Okay, I’m sorry. Thank you for putting effort in,” Rosa said. “I’ll go back inside and put a brave face on. But please, please, I can’t do this again.”

“Understood.”

Going back into the bar, they rejoined the group, Rosa insisting to everyone she was fine, and had just had a dizzy spell. Eventually, everyone started to leave, and by closing time, it was just Jake, Amy, Rosa and Jocelyn left.

“Jocelyn, I need to talk to you,” Jake said firmly, walking up to her.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“I fucking told you that this was a bad fucking idea,” Jake said angrily. “When you invited me to this, I told you Rosa hated parties on her birthday, especially surprise parties, and you insisted that she’d said it was fine and you could plan something. And it clearly wasn’t fucking fine! Tell me why you put Rosa in a situation against her will that made her have a panic attack?”

“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” she spat.

“Jake, please, it’s okay, I promise,” Rosa insisted.

“No, Rosa, it isn’t! She put you in an awful position and you broke down over it. Do you have any fucking idea how autism works, huh? Because I know Rosa’s told you. I know she’s told you everything, all about ballet school and how that made her hate attention because any focus on you was always negative, and all about the SMALL party I threw her years ago before I knew she couldn’t cope with them, and how she broke down then too. You knew it was a bad idea, but you still did it anyway, you selfish, selfish bitch.”

“Jake, that’s enough,” Amy said, touching his arm.

“Never pull a stunt like this again, alright?” he warned, blood boiling.

“Thank you for sticking up for me, Jake, but please, let’s just go home, alright, babe?” Rosa said, holding onto Jocelyn’s arm tightly.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here,” she said, glaring at Jake.

**

The cab ride home was silent, and when they got home, they got ready for bed silently. Rosa stayed in the bathroom for a long while, so Jocelyn laid in bed waiting for her. When her girlfriend eventually joined her, she sat down on the bed with a box.

“Okay. So. I’m gonna talk for a bit, and I want you to try and understand, alright?” Rosa said.

“Okay.”

“Right. Well. I’ve been diagnosed as autistic for nearly ten years, and you know this. But maybe I didn’t make it clear to the extent that I…struggle. ‘Cause I do mask a lot and I don’t open up about it. So I’m gonna try and talk about it. This box has all my, like, special comfort items in it. I have some tangles, because they really help me regulate. I always have one in my pocket. And then I have earplugs, noise cancelling headphones, some soft blankets and stuff. And then it’s really lame, but I have stuffed animals.”

Rosa carefully set everything on the bed, including a green frog stuffed animal and a little pink bunny.

“I don’t want you to think I’m childish, ‘cause I’m not. I just need stuff to help me regulate and stay calm, and I like the textures of this stuff. Makes me feel less stabby. I try not to stim much, but I’ve developed some less obvious ones, like playing with my hair and cracking my knuckles. I find it really hard to talk to people I don’t know, and I fucking hate crowds and loud noise. I spent so many years hating myself for being like this, and when I tried embracing it, I just…still couldn’t talk about it with people that much. But please, Jo, I need you to understand…when I tell you I can’t do something, I really can’t do it.”

“I’m sorry. I just assumed you were, I don’t know, pretending you didn’t want attention to be noble or something. I won’t do something like that again.”

“Thank you,” Rosa said, gripping the bunny tightly.

“Is that a Jellycat?” Jocelyn asked.

“Yeah. I bought one for my niece when she was born, and I liked it so much that I bought one for myself as well. I know it’s lame and stupid, but I like holding stuff. I can’t really articulate it very well, but it just makes me feel…calm. It’s the fact I have something to do with my hands, I think.”

“It’s not lame,” Jocelyn said. “And it isn’t childish. I’m sorry I didn’t put in enough effort to understand.”

“It’s alright. Do you feel like you get it more now?”

“Yeah, I do. It explains how you struggle to tell me how you feel sometimes.”

“I just…putting a label on my emotions is hard enough, you know, like, identifying them. But then actually putting that into words is even harder.”

“I’ll try to be more considerate. I just don’t think I gauged the gravity at which you struggle with stuff.”

Rosa nodded, taking her hand and squeezing.

“I love you, Jo.”

“I love you too, Rosa.”

“Do you wanna just go to sleep?”

“Aren’t you hungry? We haven’t had dinner yet.”

“Yeah, I am fucking starving,” she admitted.

“Why don’t we order pizza and watch a movie in bed? Maybe then it would make your day a bit better.”

“That would be lovely.”

Jocelyn pulled out her phone, and ordered them a pepperoni pizza to split, along with garlic bread and cookies as a treat. She insisted on paying, and Rosa thanked her profusely. She even gave her free choice over which movie they watched, so Rosa selected Something's Gotta Give, cuddling with her girlfriend as they watched. When their food arrived, they tucked in eagerly, polishing off the entire thing, except for a few cookies. It was a lovely, peaceful two hours, Rosa feeling safe and content lying on her girlfriend’s chest watching her comfort movie, Jocelyn’s fingers gently playing with her hair. The end credits rolling, they forced themselves out of bed to brush their teeth, and then curled back up in bed together.

“I love you so much, Jo. I’m sorry for freaking out. I know you were trying to make things nice for me.”

“I love you so much too, Rosa. And don’t be sorry, I was the dick. Have you at least enjoyed this a little more?”

“A lot more.”

“I’m glad.”

They shared a soft, tender kiss, cuddling up tightly, fingers laced together on one hand.

Chapter Text

“Peralta,” Captain Holt said, approaching his desk, “I have something that I imagine will be of great interest to you.”

“What is it, Cap’n?” he asked cheerily, looking up at him from his computer.

“The 7-5 have been granted permission to co-run a task force to take down the suppliers involved in the production of a new type of heroin that’s proving to be very dangerous. Several deaths have already incurred as a direct result of the drug. They’re also believed to be exploiting vulnerable young women into making and moving the drug. They have decided to run the task force with our precinct, with a ‘James Hopkins’ as their major detective on the case. I can’t think of someone more perfect for the job than you.”

“Thank you or thinking of me, sir, but I’m afraid that’s gonna be a hard fucking no from me,” Jake said, gripping the edge of his desk, the colour draining from his face.

“Jake!” Amy exclaimed, staring at him in shock across their shared desk.

Holt stared at him in some kind of disbelief, and Jake got up, trying to calmly walk towards a supply closet. He locked himself inside, sitting down on the floor and bursting into tears.

Jake: please can you come to supply closet C i really need you
Rosa: of course, I’m on my way

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t occasionally look James up online, but still, he couldn’t believe he was still in New York, still walking the same streets as Jake, still working right nearby, and now, he would be coming to the precinct. He would be invading Jake’s safe, largely closeted space again, his presence alone carrying a great deal of threat. The only people who knew Jake was bi were Gina (she’d known him since forever) and Rosa (he trusted her immensely, and she was bi too). Jake still remembers the fear of confiding in Gina when they were teenagers about his attraction to men; about his hopeless crush on Brandon Bliss, and in their 20s, they had a lot of discussions about their own exploration. Rosa came out to Jake first when they were in the academy, and Jake’s response of “Cool. Same,” seemed to satisfy them both. After many more years of friendship, they’d properly opened up to each other about it, relishing in the shared understanding. The last thing Jake had expected was that when he came out to James, his best friend, having had a positive reception from the few people he’d already told, was a mouthful of slurs and him running his mouth to the whole precinct. Facing daily harassment from his peers, Jake was driven to an unfortunate night on his bathroom floor with a bottle of pills and whiskey to wash them down. If Rosa and Gina hadn’t come and found him, who knows what would’ve happened.

There was a soft tap on the door of the supply closet.

“Jake, it’s me,” Rosa called, voice muffled. “Can I come in?”

Jake reached up to unlock the door, and Rosa entered, closing and locking the door behind her again.

“What’s happened, Jake?” Rosa asked, sitting on the floor beside him.

“Holt asked me to join a drug task force that we’re doing with the 7-5.”

“And? That’s great news!” she said, congratulating him by punching his shoulder harder than she meant to.

“No, it’s not,” he replied, sniffing. “James Hopkins is running the task force.”

“That fucking son of a bitch!” Rosa hissed, immediately seething.

“So I had to say no, because I’m not putting myself through that again. But Holt will just ask someone else to do it and then he’ll still be coming here, interacting with my coworkers, and I risk ruining another job I absolutely fucking LOVE by outing me to everybody. I’d have to quit again, and run far, far away. It’s gonna ruin my relationship with Amy if she finds out like this.”

“You still haven’t told her?”

“No. I’m just so scared. We’ve only been together a few months and while I know she isn’t homophobic, she might not be happy having a boyfriend who’s bi. She’ll probably just assume I’ll cheat on her or want a threesome or something. God, I’m fucking sick of being outed. Why can’t I just control my own coming out for once?”

“I’ll talk to Captain Holt, if you want, and I can tell him what the issue is. Maybe I can convince him to drop the task force. He’ll understand, Jake. And as for Amy - she’s the least homophobic or biphobic person in the world. She’s such an active ally I’ve wondered if she’s queer herself.”

“But still, it’s just…I really, really like her, Rosa. I’m in love with her, I just…haven’t told her yet that I am. There’s so much at stake. I don’t know what I’d do if this made her hate me or even just made things weird and awkward.”

“But you can’t spend your life with someone who doesn’t even know who you are. You have to give people a chance to understand, Jake. And there’s no way in hell that Amy’s homophobic.”

“I know, I just…worry.”

Rosa wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and he leaned into her gratefully.

“Do you want me to talk to Holt, or no?”

“I mean…if you’re sure you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind. I mean, obviously I’ll kinda have to tell him you’re bi for the conversation to make sense…is that alright?”

“Yeah. As long as you make him promise not to tell anyone else.”

“Duh. I can be very threatening, you know.”

“Oh, trust me, I know,” Jake said, cracking a small smile.

They stayed in the closet for another few minutes while Jake pulled himself together, and then he returned to his desk.

“Jake? What’s going on?” Amy asked. “Something’s clearly wrong. You’d never normally speak to Captain Holt like that!”

“Is it alright if we have a conversation about this later?” Jake asked. “I need to properly talk to you about some stuff.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Amy said. “Are you sure you’re alright, though?”

“I’m sure, babe. Please don’t worry.”

“Okay.”

Rosa knocked on Holt’s door, and he called for her to enter.

“Hi, sir. I’m here kinda on behalf of Peralta to talk about what happened earlier, and I say all this with permission. Basically, James Hopkins was a detective at Jake’s old precinct. They were best friends, but James ended up outing Jake as bi to the whole precinct, when Jake had told him in confidence. He was bullied and harassed by his peers, and his COs were no help. A lot of them joined in. It completely broke Jake, and after a crisis moment, I helped him get a job here, with me, so he could quit and escape all the homophobia, and I could protect him. So, yeah. Jake is only out to me and Gina here, so if Hopkins was coming here to do a task force with somebody, even Jake himself, then he would be really threatened.”

“I am revoking our involvement with this task force effective immediately,” Captain Holt said, opening his laptop to begin typing an email.

“Thank you for being understanding, sir.”

“Thank you for coming to me, Diaz. Please tell Peralta that if he ever faces any discrimination here, he is to come straight to me, and I will deal with it harshly. Every single one of my employees deserves to feel safe and protected.”

“It’s really nice to have such a supportive boss. Jake’s old COs were certainly nothing like this.”

“That’s completely unacceptable.”

“I know. But still, it happened anyway. Jake really didn’t mean to be rude to you, by the way - he was just panicking.”

“Oh, of course. I don’t hold it against him at all.”

“Jake told me to ask you to keep his sexuality to yourself. Is that okay?”

“He has my complete confidentiality.”

**

That night, Jake and Amy got into bed early and cuddled, Amy lying on Jake’s chest with her head under his chin.

“Ames…I think I’m ready to talk, now.”

“Okay. What’s up, babe?” she said, and they readjusted so they were lying on their sides, facing each other.

“Right. Okay, so. I need to tell you something that I’ve been putting off for a long time because I was scared,” he began, looking down at his hands. “Amy, I’m…I’m bi. And I don’t want you to think of me any differently now. You’re the most important thing in the world to me. But, in the past, I’ve been in relationships with both men and women, and obviously…sex with both. So, yeah.”

“Jake, I completely accept you for who you are,” Amy said. “Did you seriously think I wouldn’t?”

“Well, logically, no, but I’m crazy about you, so I got all worried about losing you.”

“Babe, nothing like that would ever make me feel differently about you,” she said, hands coming to rest on his face. “I 100% support you.”

They shared a deep, tender kiss.

“Thank you for saying that. And, well, this is relevant because of the task force thing. When I was at my old precinct, the 7-5, I came out to my best friend at the time, James Hopkins, the detective doing the task force. He was really homophobic, called me a bunch of shit, and then proceeded to out me to everyone at work. I was bullied and harassed by my peers and the COs, which…sucked. I tried to kill myself, but thankfully Rosa and Gina found me before I could die and sorted me out. Rosa got me my job at the 9-9 and I decided not to tell anybody else. Gina knows, as I confided in her as a teenager about my attraction to guys and I’ve always been very open with her. Rosa knows too, because we were so close at the academy. And now Holt knows too, because I got Rosa to tell him about my history with James. He’s agreed to revoke the task force, so I’m not at risk of being outed at the 9-9 or anything now, thankfully. But, yeah.”

“Jesus, Jake, that’s fucking awful,” Amy said, wrapping her arms tightly around him. “I’m so sorry you went through that.”

Jake held her close, comforted by the contact.

“Thank you for being so accepting, babe.”

“You don’t need to thank me, Jake.”

They kissed again, and then resumed their cuddling.

“So everything’s all good with us, right?” Jake asked.

“Jake, everything’s completely fine.”

“Are you mad I didn’t come out to you earlier?”

“Of course not. You told me when you were ready, so that was the right time.”

“Amy, I love you.”

Amy broke into a huge smile.

“I love you too,” she said, kissing him emphatically.

Chapter Text

Rosa was sitting on her couch watching TV, enjoying a peaceful Christmas day alone. She always preferred spending it by herself, without judgemental family members and awkward dinners.

Her phone started to ring, and seeing it was Jake, she answered, immediately met with the sound of crying in the background.

“Hey Jake! Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you too Rosa,” he said. “Are you busy?”

“Nope. Sitting at home doing nothing.”

“Can I beg a favour?”

“Depends what the favour is.”

“I have the flu,” Jake began, before breaking out into a coughing fit. “I feel awful. Amy’s had to go out of town because one of her brothers is in the hospital, and Mac won’t stop crying. I haven’t slept and I feel so sick. Would you mind watching Mac for just an hour or two so I can sleep?”

“Sure I can. I’ll be there in twenty, alright?”

“Thank you so much,” Jake said, relieved.

“Of course. See you soon.”

“See you soon.”

Rosa changed out of her hoodie into a nicer sweatshirt, but left on her sweatpants. She grabbed Mac’s Christmas gift, and then drove to Jake and Amy’s apartment, knocking on the door.

“Hey Rosa,” an exhausted and snotty Jake said when he answered, holding a red-faced and bawling McClane.

“You look like shit,” Rosa remarked.

“Thank you,” he replied, and Rosa entered the apartment.

There were toys everywhere, Christmas paper everywhere, dishes piled up high in the sink. Jake looked absolutely exhausted, Mac still crying.

“Alright, buddy, come to Auntie Roro,” she said, taking the eighteen month old from Jake. “Go to bed, man. Me and Mac will be fine.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, yawning.

“I’m sure.”

“Thank you so much,” he said, and went into his and Amy’s room, shutting the door and collapsing into bed, asleep in an instant.

“Alrighty McClane, what’s all this fussing about, huh?” Rosa said, voice soft. “There’s no need to cry, buddy, I promise you. Auntie Roro is here.”

Rosa bounced him on her hip, and her soft words soothed him within a few minutes.

“It’s almost 2pm, so it’s nap time, buddy.”

“Milk,” he whined.

“You can have some milk, Mac.”

Rosa filled a sippy cup with some milk and warmed it up in the microwave, holding the sleepy toddler while he drank it. He slurped it quickly, and once he was done, she put him down in his bed, kneeling next to him and stroking his hair until sleep overcame him.

She carefully tiptoed out the room, closing the door. Jake was snoring across the apartment in his own bedroom, and Rosa smiled contentedly. The living room was covered in toys and rubbish, so Rosa tidied it all away neatly into the labelled baskets and drawers. Next, she washed up the massive stack of dishes in the sink, wrote out a grocery list based on what was missing from the fridge, and got rid of all the trash (including the wrapping paper still strewn all over the living room). Now the apartment was much cleaner, Rosa got out the ingredients for making cookies, and just then, Mac started crying.

“Hey, buddy!” she said, going into his room.

“Hi Auntie Roro,” he said, knuckling his eyes and whimpering.

“There’s no need for tears,” she said, picking him up and putting him on her hip. “Do you wanna make some cookies?”

“COOKIES!” he yelled excitedly.

“Shh, shh, we have to be quiet, because your dad is asleep,” she said, putting a finger to her lips, McClane copying and giggling.

Rosa took him into the kitchen, pulling a chair up to the countertop and setting him down on it. They made the cookies together, things getting VERY messy (eighteen-month-olds aren’t the most coordinated, Rosa discovered) but having fun nonetheless. She put a Christmas movie on for McClane, and he sat on the couch, alternating between watching it and playing with his new toys. She tidied up from the cookies as they baked, and made a mild chicken curry she knew the toddler liked for their dinner. Once it was made, she and McClane sat on the couch together, eating their steaming bowls of curry, rice, and homemade naan breads. After tidying the kitchen up again, they had a cookie each, and McClane cuddled on her lap as they watched the rest of the movie. She gave him a bath, both giggling as they splashed water at each other, and then he fell asleep in Rosa’s lap on the rocking chair in his room as he drank his milk and she sang softly to him.

Carefully transferring him into his bed, Rosa went back into the living room and sat on the couch. A few minutes later, Jake stumbled out of his room.

“Hey man. You look rough,” Rosa said, snorting.

“I feel it,” he said, flopping down beside her.

“C’mon, let me warm you up some food.”

“Thank you so much.”

Rosa put some curry and rice in a bowl, microwaving it and giving it to him. Tucking straight in and burning his mouth, Jake quickly ate it.

“God, this is so good,” he said.

“Mac seemed to enjoy it.”

“Was he okay?”

“He was a bit teary, but he went down for a nap just fine. We made cookies, watched TV, and I gave him a bath.”

“Thank you so much, Rosa.”

“It’s all good.”

“I’m really sorry for asking you to come over. I just couldn’t cope on my own.”

“Don’t be sorry. I was just on my own anyway.”

“Rosa, you should’ve just asked to come over anyway if you were alone.”

“Nah. Christmas is a family thing,” she shrugged.

“Yeah, and you are family.”

Rosa smiled at him.

“Is Amy’s brother okay?”

“Yeah, I think he’s alright.”

“Good, good.”

“I really hope she comes back soon. But, for now…wanna watch Die Hard?” he suggested hopefully.

“Sure,” she replied, grinning.

Drinking beer and eating the cookies Rosa and Mac made, they watched the movie together, Rosa leaning against her best friend. Halfway through, the front door opened, and an exhausted looking Amy came in.

“Babe, hey! I had no idea you were coming home tonight,” Jake said, pausing the movie and springing up to hug her.

“Hi, honey. I did call, but your phone must’ve been off.”

“Ah, sorry. I was sleeping. Rosa’s here, by the way.”

“Oh, hey Rosa! Are you alright?”

“I’m good.”

“I asked her to come over and help me with Mac. I have the fucking flu.”

“Oh, babe, I’m sorry,” Amy said, hugging him again.

“Is your brother alright?” Rosa asked.

“He’s okay, now. They thought he had a heart attack, but apparently it was some kinda defect on his heart that they’re fixing with surgery. He has really good odds, and he’ll be in hospital for a week or two before they do it, so I drove home.”

“Ah, I’m glad, Ames. And please tell Rosa that she needs to come over and spend next Christmas with us, because she was on her own and she’s our family.”

“What? Rosa! Yes, obviously you’re spending next Christmas with us,” Amy said, and she and Jake sat back down on the couch with Rosa.

“Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it,” she said.

“Of course. And thank you so much for your help, today of all days. I couldn’t have done it without you,” Jake said earnestly.

“Any time. Mac’s my little best friend.”

“You’re such a good auntie, Rosa. I know you’ll be the one he calls to pick him up from parties when he’s drunk as a teenager,” Amy said.

“Probably,” she chuckled. “And I’ll do it gladly. I love you guys.”

“We love you too, Rosa,” Jake said.

Chapter Text

Knocking nervously on the Captain’s door, motions void of their usual upbeat taps, Jake shifted from foot to foot.

“Enter.”

Jake walked in, wiping his palms on his jeans.

“What can I do for you, Peralta?” he asked.

“Well,” Jake began, sitting down in front of him. “I need to file an official complaint.”

“Against who?” Holt asked inquisitively.

“The Vulture. Detective Pembroke.”

“And for what reason?”

“For sexually assaulting me.”

“And…when did this occur?”

“Several times, the last being yesterday. Every time he’s here, he’s touching my butt or grabbing my crotch without my consent. Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean I have to be okay with it.”

“Peralta,” he began cautiously, “I am not saying for a single second that I don’t believe you. But I am going to tell you bluntly that this is not a good idea. Detective Pembroke is a well-respected, revered, good detective. There’s a lot of powerful people that will refuse to have him brought down. But who they can bring down is you. Do you even have any proof?”

“I’m sure it’s caught on the bullpen security cameras.”

“But can you prove using this footage that it was non consensual? Peralta, I really do believe you. I just urge you to be wise here. How many cases of sexual assault have you actually seen end in the assaulter being convicted? Almost none, I imagine. Unfortunately, Detective Pembroke has the power and allies here. I vehemently dislike the man, and he should have been brought down years ago. Don’t you think he would have been brought down already if he could be?”

“I thought you at least would support me, Captain,” Jake said, eyes filling with tears. “Screw this.”

Jake slammed out of the office, sitting back down defeatedly at his desk.

“Babe, what happened?” Amy asked. “Did you file the complaint?”

“Nope. He refused to help me.”

“What?” she exclaimed.

“That’s fucked up, man,” Rosa said, coming to perch on the edge of his desk.

“I know, right! Fucking stupid,” Jake said angrily.

“Well…what was his rationale?” Charles asked, nosily approaching.

“That the Vulture is more powerful than me, so he’d never get taken down. That it would ruin my career instead of his.”

“I mean…he is, um, kinda right. It’s not really the same, you know, ‘cause you’re a guy.”

“Excuse me?” Jake said, incredulous.

“I am going to rip your fucking tongue out, Charles,” Rosa warned.

“Well, you know what I mean, right? It’s not like he was going after you because he’s attracted to you. It wasn’t really intended to be sexual, he just…made you a bit uncomfortable.”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY TO ME, CHARLES?” Jake yelled, standing up. “ARE YOU TRYING TO SUGGEST THAT IT’S OKAY FOR SOMEBODY TO TOUCH ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT AT WORK? AND IT ABSOLUTELY IS NOT DIFFERENT JUST BECAUSE I’M A FUCKING GUY! ASSAULT IS STILL FUCKING ASSAULT!”

“I-I-I just meant-” Charles squeaked, backing away from him.

“JUST MEANT, WHAT, HUH?”

By that point, the entire bullpen was silent, Jake was purple and quivering with rage, and Holt had appeared from his office, standing in its doorway.

“What on Earth is going on out here?” he asked angrily. “Why are two of my detectives having a screaming match in the middle of the precinct?”

“Because you won’t help Jake after the Vulture sexually assaulted him!” Amy said.

Everyone collectively gasped, and Amy put her hands over her mouth, shocked at herself.

“Well, sir, if you won’t fucking help me, then who goddamn will?” Jake said, voice cracking.

Chapter Text

Jake was sitting on Gina’s couch, drinking a beer and staring at some reality show on the TV.

“Jake?” Gina said, coming to perch on the couch.

“Mhm?”

“Can we talk, please?”

“Of course,” he said, switching the TV off and turning his attention to her. “What’s up?”

“I…I don’t think I want us to be together anymore,” she said nervously. “It’s not that I don’t really, deeply care for you. I just…I think you’re just a better best friend for me than a boyfriend. You’re everything I could ever, ever want in a best friend, and you make me so happy in that capacity. But…as a boyfriend…I don’t think you’re quite the right fit for me.”

“Oh, thank God,” Jake said, exhaling deeply. “I’ve been thinking exactly the same thing, but I didn’t wanna end things in case it meant I lost you completely.”

“Bitch, you’re never gonna lose me!” she said, smiling brightly. “You wanna just pretend this never happened and go back to just being best friends?”

“Yes, that would be perfect,” he said. “Also, I’m curious: in what way am I not the right fit as a boyfriend? Am I really annoying? Too devastatingly handsome?”

“Well…your dick,” Gina said awkwardly.

“Excuse me! My dick is well above average in size, thank you very much!” Jake said indignantly.

“No, that isn’t what I meant, idiot!” Gina said, hitting him with a cushion. “The issue is that you have one. I think I’m lowkey a lesbian.”

“Oh, that’s chill. Thanks for telling me.”

“I can enjoy having sex with guys and dating them is…fine, but sleeping with a woman is a fuckin’ interstellar experience every time, I’m telling you.”

“Agree.”

Gina leaned her head against his shoulder, Jake’s arm settling around her waist.

“I love you, Gina. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“I love you too, man. Ride or die,” she said, and they high fived.

“Wanna order a pizza?” he suggested.

“Yeah, sure. You’re paying.”

“Giiinaaa, you know I’m broke!” he whined.

“Not my fault.”

Chapter Text

“Rosa!” Jake hissed, coming up to her in the evidence locker.

“Jesus, Jake, you scared the shit out of me!” she replied. “And anyway, aren’t we supposed to be ‘heisting’? You’re conferring with the enemy, dude.”

“I know, but I just wanted to tell you the proposal plan is off.”

“What?! Why?!” Rosa exclaimed.

“Keep your voice down! I don’t think she’ll say yes.”

“What the fuck, dude!” Rosa whisper-shouted. “Of course she’ll say yes, dickhead!”

“Ehh, I dunno. We’re still getting back into the groove of things since prison, and I don’t wanna throw more complications into the mix when we’re still getting used to being together again. It fucked Amy up, us being away, and she still has nightmares all the time. As do I. I don’t wanna make her anxiety worse.”

“Jake, I love you, but you’re being a fucking IDIOT, MAN! There’s no way in hell Amy won’t say yes. She’s crazy about you. And wouldn’t being engaged calm her anxiety? Y’know, she’ll be thinking about and planning the wedding instead of worrying about stuff. And anyway, she’s madly in love with you.”

“You do have a point,” he conceded. “But what if she isn’t ready?”

“Amy’s life calendar literally hangs over your bed. You know she wants to get engaged and married in her early-to-mid-thirties. And that’s exactly where she is. Fucking propose to her!”

“I’m just not sure, okay?”

“Bro, you made me do a blood pact of secrecy and loyalty about this. I’m not having that be for nothing. Propose. To. Her.”

“Okay, you’re actually very scary. Plan’s back on?”

“Plan’s back on.”

Rosa high-fived him.

**

Later that night, when the whole squad was at Shaw’s, three drink Amy danced over to Rosa when Jake was in the bathroom.

“Hey Rosa!” she said, breathless, as she continued dancing on the spot next to her.

“Hey. Three Drink Amy. You’re getting married!”

“I know! I’m so excited.”

“You sounded very off then. Is everything okay?”

“Oh, you know! Just worried Jake didn’t mean it and he’s gonna get scared and run away and I’ll be devastated and alone forever!.”

“What? Ames, slow down. Jake’s CRAZY about you. Of course he fucking meant it, and he’s never going to run away. Come on, what’s got you so worried?”

“I’m not good enough for him!” she blurted, the dancing coming to an abrupt stop. “I think he’s just convinced himself he needs to marry me now because we were apart for prison. I think this is just his anxiety, not his love for me.”

“Amy. Jake has wanted to marry you since before prison, and I know because he told me so. Before Hawkins and everything went down, he told me he was thinking about it. I helped him pick the ring out and everything. He was just nervous, so he put it off, and then prison happened. Please, Ames, know your worth. He wants this, okay? And you two deserve each other.”

“Oh, my God. I feel so much better now.”

Amy picked up one of the shots in front of Rosa, taking it quickly.

“Oh, not Four Drink Amy,” Rosa moaned.

“We getting loose, baby!” she yelled, giggling.

Jake returned from the bathroom, and as soon as he honed into view, Amy was beckoning him over seductively.

“God, you’re such a sexy future husband,” she said, and before he could respond, she grabbed his face and crashed their lips together.

“Oh wow. Four drinks?” Jake said, pulling away and grinning.

“You know it. Right, fiance, we’re going home.”

“For sex?”

“For soooo much sex,” she said, kissing him again. “Bye Rosa!”

“Bye guys. Congrats, but also please curb how horny you are for the sake of the rest of us.”

Amy giggled, draping herself over Jake.

Chapter Text

“Mail, inmate,” the guard barked at her, and Rosa looked up.

Meeting his gaze still wasn’t easy. He hadn’t come near her for the last month, ever since she reported him for his sexual comments and sneaky grabs off her butt. The warden made sure he got off lightly, only getting a smack on the wrist for his behaviour, but still, he kept away from her, and that was all that mattered.

Opening the envelope, Rosa took out the letter, assuming it was from Adrian. Nobody else wrote to her, so it was a logical conclusion.

Dear Rosa,

I’m so sorry to have to let you know like this, but Jake passed away on the 19th of April. He was accidentally killed in a riot at his prison. I can’t say much - the details of the case haven’t been released to the public. But he’s gone. I won’t be able to visit for a while, as I’m busy making preparations for his funeral, and I think being back in a prison would be too hard for me. I’m sorry. I hope you’re okay.

Love,

Amy.

Rosa’s hands started to shake, eyes pooling with tears. Jake was gone. That day in the courtroom was the last time she’d ever see him.

Sobbing, screaming, pinching and scratching her skin to prove this was all a dream, Rosa felt her world begin to shut down. This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be real. She wouldn’t let it be real.

The last thing Rosa remembered was being hauled up from the floor by guards and dragged away. The next thing she knew, she was waking up from a medicated slumber in solitary.

**

Over at Jake and Amy’s apartment, the three of them were drinking prosecco in the new hot tub their building had installed on the roof. They were giggling tipsily, feeling pleasantly floaty.

“Okay, our pizza’s here,” Rosa said, seeing a notification buzz on her phone where it was resting on the ground. “I’ll go and get it, you guys stay here.”

“Okay!” Amy said, giggling.

Rosa got out of the water, quickly drying off and putting on a robe.

“Wait, Rosa? Do you have a tattoo of my name?” Jake asked, catching a glimpse of a black tattoo on Rosa’s hip where her bikini bottoms had ridden down a bit.

Rosa flushed, quickly covering herself up.

“I’ll tell you in a bit, okay? It’s a long story,” she mumbled, and then quickly ran down the stairs.

“God, that’s a bit…strange, if she does,” Amy said.

“Yeah, I mean, surely she’d tell me if she got a tattoo of my name? And why would she?”

“Maybe there is a real explanation,” Amy said hopefully.

“I literally can’t think of a real reason why Rosa would have a secret tattoo of my name.”

“All will be revealed, I guess.”

Rosa returned with two pizza boxes a minute later, and Jake and Amy climbed out, drying off and sitting down on the deckchairs beside the hot tub. They all grabbed a slice and tucked in.

“Right. So. When I was in prison there was this creep of a guard who made gross sexual comments about me all the time and was always feeling me up when he could get away with it. I reported him, and he got off super lightly. Didn’t even get suspended, and the CCTV footage was mysteriously ‘lost’. He just got a telling off, and was told to stay away from me, which he did. About a month later, he gives me a letter, and it says it's from you, Amy. The letter from not you says that Jake died in a prison riot. I had a nervous breakdown and was thrown in solitary. When I was taken out, only a week or two before Hawkins was proved guilty, I got another inmate to tattoo your name, birthday and death date on me. April 19th, you ‘died’. When I was getting dressed in my real clothes and about to leave, the guard came clean; told me it was all fake. He just wanted revenge. I’d never been more relieved in my entire life. I never told anyone about it because it was just too traumatic. I thought my best friend was dead, and that the last time I’d ever see him was in a courtroom where we were found guilty of a crime we didn’t commit. And I was also so fucking angry, because if Hawkins had never set us up, you wouldn’t have died.”

“Jesus Christ, Rosa! Oh my God, I mean, I understand why, but why didn’t you tell us? That must have been so hard to deal with all on your own,” Amy said, throwing her arms around her.

“It was hard,” Rosa said, voice thick. “But Jake was alive, so that was all I cared about.”

“Can I see the tattoo properly?” Jake asked.

“Sure.”

Rosa hiked her robe up to her hip so they could see it.

“Wow. I feel weirdly honoured that you love me enough to get a tattoo of my name on your body.”

Rosa chuckled.

“I had just had a nervous breakdown, so I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m joking - I do love you enough to get a tattoo of your name. I wanted to get it covered up when I realised you weren’t dead, but the artists I consulted all said it was too deep. Prison tattoos are something else - I had my skin slit with a razor blade and then ink rubbed in. Hurt like a bitch, and I also bled like crazy.”

“Damn! You look super hard and tough now,” Amy said, giggling.

“I’ve always been hard and tough. I could beat the shit out of anyone, Santiago.”

“Yes, of course,” she replied. “Thanks for telling us, Rosa. It certainly seems fucking crazy.”

“Yeah, it was. But Jake’s alive, and I’m very glad.”

“Me too,” Amy agreed.

“Me three!” Jake said, and they all laughed.

Chapter Text

“I love you,” Raymond said sincerely.

“I love you,” Kevin replied, squeezing his hands.

“I’m sorry for everything, Kevin. I’m so sorry,” he began, eyes filling with tears.

“I’m sorry too. I was such a jerk.”

“Oh, Kevin. A colloquialism? Whatever has gotten into you?” Raymond replied, and they both giggled.

“What happens now?” Kevin asked, looking down so as not to meet his eyes.

“We talk. We figure everything out. And we make a pact to not just give up when things get hard.”

Kevin nodded, and they shared another kiss, but softer and more fleeting this time.

“Shall we go home?” Kevin asked.

“Yes, we shall,” he replied, lacing their fingers together on one hand and smiling at him.

Walking back towards the precinct, Holt coughed nervously.

“Kevin and I are heading home to talk things over,” he said to Amy and Rosa.

“Of course,” Amy said, nodding. “We’re so happy you guys are fixing things.”

“Me too,” Rosa agreed. “Long live Nancy Meyers.”

“Indeed,” Ray replied, cracking a smile.

In the car journey home, Captain Holt rested his hand on Kevin’s knee, revelling in the contact. They remained largely quiet, just focusing on enjoying being with each other. Once they got home, they changed, and then sat beside the fire, opposite each other in armchairs, wrapped in blankets and sipping glasses of port.

“So…” Raymond began. “I imagine we have a lot to discuss.”

“I imagine we do.”

“I missed you immensely. And everything that has happened has just proven to me even more that I love you more than I ever have. I need your presence in my life more than I ever have.”

“I feel the same,” Kevin said. “I felt that, while you were gone, in every friendship I have, I was just chasing a conversation with someone that had the same intellect, the same wit, the same tenacity as you. I have felt very…unfulfilled, since we parted.”

“As have I,” Holt agreed. “And I think without your presence, I have been a worse person. Worse friend, worse boss, worse acquaintance. I will try my very best to not be a bad husband again.”

“So will I.”

“I think we should consider continuing our sessions with Dr Cheryl for a while, so we can hopefully manage the transition back into living with each other very well.”

“That seems like a sensible idea to me, Raymond.”

“I will collect my belongings from Diaz’s tomorrow morning, if she is agreeable.”

Kevin paused.

“The dating profile. Have you…been with other people?” he asked tensely.

“I went on one very unsatisfactory date with a man named Todd. Nothing physical occurred. It made me realise the full extent of what I was missing without you.”

“That is a huge relief to hear,” he said, exhaling deeply and settling back.

“Shall I make us some dinner?”

“I would love that. I think we have the ingredients for the salmon, brown rice and green bean dish you make,” he said hopefully.

“Then that is what I shall make, my dear.”

“I missed your cooking,” Kevin said softly.

“Is that the only thing you missed?” he joked, standing up.

“No. Far from it,” Kevin replied, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles.

“I love you so much, Kevin.”

“I love you so much too, Raymond.”

Chapter Text

“Hey Jake!” Rosa said, picking up the phone.

“Hey Rosa. Before I say anything, she’s fine, but I’m taking Atlas to the ER. She has a cut on her leg from a piece of rusty metal and I need to get her a tetanus shot. It isn’t deep or anything, and it only bled a little bit, and she barely even cried. But yeah, I need to take her just to be safe, and Amy can’t leave work, so please can you get Mac from school for me?”

“Of course I can. Do you promise Atlas is alright?”

“She’s fine, I promise.”

“What time is pickup?”

“3:15.”

“I’ll be there to get him. Text me updates on Atlas, okay?”

“I will, I will. Thank you so much, I owe you big time.”

“It’s fine, man. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye!”

**

Rosa waited nervously in the playground for Mac to come out, while all the other parents, who appeared to know each other well, stood around chatting. She’d never been good at talking to strangers, so she stayed awkwardly on her own.

Eventually, the doors opened, and Mac’s teacher led the class out. He ran towards her straight away, jumping at her for a hug.

“Hi Auntie Roro!” he said excitedly.

“Hey McClane,” she said, hugging him back tightly.

“Hey there, I’m Mac’s teacher, Miss Appleton,” she said, coming over.

The last person Rosa had ever expected to see was her ballet school crush, Izzy Appleton, standing in front of her as a kindergarten teacher. God, Rosa remembered her lame infatuation with the girl, staring at her across the room helplessly in class and being told off for daydreaming. She’d have done anything to be her girlfriend at the time, but she quickly learned that no one at ballet school was like her; so she kept quiet about it.

“Oh my God, Rosa! Hi, it’s so nice to see you!” she said.

“Hey!” she said, a little lost for words.

Izzy hugged her quickly. God, she still smelled like jasmine, just as gorgeous and welcoming as she always had.

“It’s really nice to bump into you,” she said. “Mac’s dad called and said his friend Rosa would be picking Mac up, but I never expected it to be you. Are you related to him or his wife?”

“No, no, just very good friends, but Mac calls me Auntie. We used to work together, and did for years.”

“Oh, so you’re a police officer too?”

“I used to be a detective. But I quit the force in 2020 because I felt it just didn’t align with me morally anymore, and now I’m a PI. It seems neither of us became prima ballerinas, huh?” she said, grinning.

Izzy laughed, and Rosa fiercely fought a blush, heart leaping.

“Well, it was really nice to bump into you,” Izzy said sincerely, putting her hand on her arm.

“And you. I’ll see you around?”

“Definitely,” she smiled.

Izzy walked away, waving.

“Auntie Roro, how do you know Miss Appleton?” Mac asked, shocked.

“When we were teenagers, we went to ballet school together,” Rosa said, taking his little hand. “Shall we go to the car and get back home?”

“Yeah. Is Atlas okay?”

“She’s fine, buddy. She just had a little cut on her leg and had to go to the ER to get a shot to make sure it didn’t make her sick.”

“But Atlas hates shots!”

“Well, your dad is with her, so I’m sure she’ll be super duper brave.”

**

Atlas and Jake got home an hour or so after Rosa and Mac did, and she was completely fine. That night once Rosa was home and in bed, she anxiously typed in Izzy’s name on Instagram. She came up straight away, and before she could overthink it, she hit follow. Scrolling through her posts, Rosa discovered that she was queer (well, there were pictures of her at a pride parade, so she assumed so), and liked to travel. After stalking for a minute or two, a DM came through.

Izzy: hey Rosa!! it was so nice to bump into you today, I can’t believe it’s been so many years since I saw you last

Rosa: hi! yeah, it’s been too long. how have you been?

Izzy: I’ve been good! Just busy with work and everything. How about you?

Rosa: work was crazy the last couple years, but things have calmed down now that I’ve made a bit more of a name for myself. How’s life been? Partner, kids, a house?

Izzy: no to all three lmao! I rent an apartment in east Brooklyn, and I’ve been single for like a year. And I don’t want kids of my own. What about you?

Rosa: I own my apartment, but no partner or kids either. Me and my last proper gf broke up like 4 years ago now, and I haven’t properly dated anyone since. I needed a break from dating for a bit, but I’m ready to settle down with somebody now. And I don’t want kids either, too loud and annoying. I can’t imagine how you cope with your job haha

Izzy: it’s a challenge, but I love them all to pieces. And I only cope because at the end of every weekday I get to send them home to their parents lol!! I could not cope with them round the clock, and the sleepless nights would KILL ME

Rosa: agreed. I need my sleep otherwise im a grouchy motherfucker the next day

Izzy: i remember haha, you were always grumpy with people at school when you hadn’t slept well

Smiling at her phone, Rosa fought a blush.

Rosa: what are you up to?

Izzy: oh, not much. Just marking some homework. What about you?

Rosa: nothing much either. I just got into bed haha

The two kept chatting until Rosa was about to drop asleep, and so they said goodnight. Rosa picked up another conversation the next day, and they texted almost constantly for the next few days. Eventually, Rosa plucked up the courage to ask her out.

Rosa: hey!! So, i was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me sometime? Maybe tomorrow evening?

Izzy: omg I’d love to!! Where do you wanna go?

Rosa: there’s this nice Italian restaurant near me, I can get us reservations?

Izzy: perfect!

Rosa: what time suits you?

Izzy: 7:30?

Rosa: I’ll get us a table for then <3 can’t wait!

Izzy: me neither <3

**

Nervous, Rosa hovered outside the restaurant, waiting for Izzy to arrive. She was early, and she knew it was a bad decision, because it gave her time to panic and shiver in the cold January weather. She hadn’t been on a date in over a year, and fuck, she’d completely forgotten what you were supposed to do, what questions you were supposed to ask, how you were supposed to behave.

Before she could spin out any further, Izzy arrived, stepping out of a cab. She looked breathtakingly gorgeous in a small, light pink dress, her long blonde hair loose.

“Hi!” she said, smiling.

“Hey. You look…so beautiful,” Rosa said, blushing and swallowing.

“Thanks! You look amazing too.”

“Shall we go inside?”

“Of course. It’s fucking freezing.”

“I know right. For March, this is crazy.”

They headed inside and got seated at a table, spending a few minutes perusing the menu and talking about what they were going to get. Once they’d ordered, they properly began a conversation, talking about their lives, their hobbies, and work.

“You know,” Rosa said, “I had an enormous crush on you when we were in ballet school. Like, enormous.”

“I had a crush on you, too,” she said, laughing. “I couldn’t identify what it was yet - I literally had no idea what a lesbian even was - but it was definitely there. I was crazy about you.”

“I was crazy about you too,” Rosa said, taking her hand over the table. “I knew I was bi by then, and it drove me mad that I couldn’t tell you how I felt; tell anyone how I felt. It was really hard.”

“It was,” Izzy agreed. “And the insanity of ballet school did nothing to help, either.”

The two kept chatting, tucking into their meals when they arrived. The conversation easily flowed, and Rosa couldn’t help but smile the entire time. She insisted on paying, despite Izzy’s protests.

“It was really nice to see you tonight, Rosa,” Izzy said once they were outside.

“It was nice to see you too. And I’d definitely like another date, if you would too?”

“I would. I would very much.”

“Can I kiss you?” Rosa asked, heart pounding.

“Yes.”

Rosa leaned in and kissed her gently, hands coming to rest on her hips. When she leaned away, Izzy connected their lips again, keening into Rosa’s body.

“So, you gonna invite me back to your apartment, or what?” Izzy asked, grinning.

“I was trying to be gentlemanly, but that’s gone out the window,” Rosa giggled. “I’ll book a cab.”

**

The next morning when Rosa woke up, Izzy was curled into her, sleeping soundly. She smiled, running a hand through her hair. After a few minutes, Izzy started to stir, murmuring sleepily.

“Good morning,” Rosa said, smiling, when Izzy opened her eyes.

“Morning,” she replied, knuckling her eyes and shifting closer to her.

“Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah, I did. Your bed is very comfy,” she said, shifting to lie on Rosa’s chest. “Did you?”

“I did,” Rosa said, wrapping her arms around her. “When do you need to leave?”

“I have no plans,” she said, yawning.

“Good. Wanna go out and get breakfast?”

“That would be wonderful. I had a lot of fun last night.”

“Me too. You’re so gorgeous.”

“I could very easily say the same. I’m so glad we’ve reconnected after all these years.”

“Same. The universe was on my side for once.”

Smiling, Izzy leaned in to kiss her, soft lips meeting Rosa’s. She ran her hand through her tousled curls, shifting to lie on top of her.

After getting more than a bit distracted, Izzy went in the shower while Rosa picked out some clothes for her to borrow. They swapped over, and when Rosa returned, she grinned at how adorable Izzy looked in her shorts and old The Beatles t-shirt. Rosa quickly got dressed, and they left her apartment hand-in-hand, walking to a nearby cafe.

Over the coming weeks, Rosa and Izzy spent pretty much every night together, hanging out at one of their apartments in the evening, usually sleeping over. They went out for dates, too, but both were homebodies, and much preferred cuddling on the couch in the warm. After three weeks, Rosa asked Izzy to be her girlfriend, which she delightedly accepted.

It took a little bit of persuading of both parties, but Rosa finally managed to convince Izzy and Jake and Amy to properly hang out. So, the two of them went for dinner at their apartment, arriving just as Mac was going to bed.

“Hi Miss Appleton! Mommy says your name is Izzy but I’m not allowed to call you that,” Mac blurted, rushing up to her as soon as the two came in.

“Hi Mac! Well, when we’re at school, you have to call me Miss Appleton, but when I’m here with Rosa, I think it’s okay for you to call me Izzy,” she said, crouching down to be on his level.

“Hi Auntie Roro!” he said, wrapping his arms around her legs.

“Hi McClane,” Rosa said, picking him up. “I love your Paw Patrol PJ’s. Now, where are your parents, hm? I think it’s bedtime for you.”

“Mommy’s in the kitchen saying bad words and Daddy is trying to calm her down.”

“Ah,” Rosa said, chuckling. “Come on, we’ll go investigate.”

Rosa set Mac down, taking his little hand and leading him towards the kitchen, Izzy following.

“Hey guys!” Jake said.

“Hi!” Amy said, flour smudged on her cheek and hair a mess. “It’s lovely to properly meet you. I’m sorry, I lost track of time and I overcooked the pasta, so I haven’t finished getting ready yet.”

“Don’t worry, Ames. Want me to set the table?”

“No, you’re the guests! Sit on the couch, and Mac can show you his toys. Jake, lay the table.”

“Yes ma’am,” he joked, and she glared at him.

Rosa and Izzy sat down on the couch while a sleepy Mac gave them a tour of all his toy trucks.

“Amy is very…high-strung,” Rosa said. “She has super bad anxiety and is very hopped up about everything. She’ll relax once Mac’s in bed, don’t worry. And Jake’s 100% the opposite, which makes things very interesting.”

Izzy chuckled, leaning her head against Rosa.

Rosa helped Jake get Mac in bed while Amy sorted herself and the food out. The four of them sat down at the table, drinking wine and eating a delicious pasta dish.

“This is lovely, Amy, thank you,” Izzy said.

“Ah, you’re welcome. I’m just glad people are enjoying it. I’m sorry I was stressed earlier, Mac wouldn’t get out the kitchen. He’s thrown three tantrums today.”

“Don’t worry about it at all,” Izzy said. “Kids are contrary creatures at the best of times.”

The four of them made polite conversation throughout the meal, and then had drinks on the couch afterwards. Rosa slipped her arm around Izzy, and she leaned into her touch, smiling.

“It’s getting late, so we should probably head out,” Rosa said.

“Of course,” Amy said. “I hope you’ll come round again soon.”

“We should have you over to my place,” Rosa said. “And I can do the cooking. I can’t imagine it’s easy with an excitable kid running around.”

“It’s really not,” Amy chuckled.

“Thank you so much for having us, Amy,” Izzy said, and hugged her. “It was lovely to meet you properly.”

“It was lovely to properly meet you too,” Amy said.

“It’s nice to see you so happy, Rosa,” Jake said.

“Thanks. I am happy.”

Grinning, she kissed Izzy quickly, and then the two of them left for Rosa’s apartment.

**

Crawling into bed together, Rosa wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, holding her close.

“Izzy…this might be a dumb thing to say, because I know we’ve only been together a couple months, but…I love you.”

“It isn’t dumb at all. I love you too, Ro.”

Rosa smiled, leaning down to kiss her gently.

“Goodnight, Iz.”

“Goodnight, babe.”

Chapter Text

Rosa got up from her desk, going into the evidence lockup to try and dig out an old file she thought might be linked to her current case. Once she opened the door, she was met with the sounds of soft crying, and hushed voices.

Shit. Shit. Emotions. Rosa froze.

“I-I’m sorry, Amy. You’re just my coworker, you don’t need to deal with this.”

“Jake, I’m your friend. And you’re clearly really bothered by something. What’s going on?”

“It’s Holt,” Jake said. “He’s just always criticising me. It’s so fucking stupid, because I show up and I do my job, and I do it well. But the stupid stuff he nags me about - being late, having a messy desk, forgetting a tie - I can’t help it, Ames. It’s my stupid fucking ADHD. I can’t help it. I don’t want to be this forgetful and scatty, but I can’t help it. Nothing I’ve ever tried has made me any better - not waking up super early, not strict routines, and definitely not stupid pills that made me feel like I was in a daze. And it makes me feel so shitty.”

“Oh, Jake. You don’t deserve this, not one bit. Does the captain know about your ADHD?”

“Of course he does. It’s written on all my files, and they’re supposed to make accommodations for me. But he’s such a fucking stickler that he goddamn won’t, even though all this criticism and rejection is killing me, when all I’m doing is my fucking best,” he sobbed.

Gritting her teeth in anger, Rosa made her way fully into the evidence lockup, finding Jake sat on the floor against some shelves, knees pulled up, with Amy sat beside him, holding his arm. Rosa sat down on the other side of him.

“Want me to punch him?” she offered, handing him some tissues.

“I doubt that would help anything. He’d just turn on you as well.”

“But you shouldn’t be feeling shit like this all the time,” she countered. “Men respond well to violence. Maybe it would make him stop.”

“You’d just get fired.”

“What can we do to help, Jake?” Amy asked, subconsciously shifting closer to him.

“I dunno,” he replied, sniffing. “Just be here, I guess.”

“Of course. Call me and I’ll come over, anytime,” Amy said.

“Me too,” Rosa agreed.

“Detectives, what are you doing here?” a booming voice said, entering.

“Comforting Peralta,” Rosa said sourly.

“And that takes two of you?” he asked dubiously.

“Yeah, well, maybe if you weren’t so horrible to him, he wouldn’t be so upset in the first place,” Rosa angrily began, standing up.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, sir. Constantly nagging and criticising Jake for the smallest, most irrelevant stuff, like being 5 minutes late to work.”

“Punctuality is important, Detective Diaz.”

“Yeah, but Jake has ADHD, and you know this! He’s allowed some accommodations and to have some small stuff that his symptoms cause let slide. Have you any idea how much he’s struggled over the years? How he spent years hating himself because no matter how early he got out of bed, no matter how organised he was in the mornings, he just couldn’t make it to work on time? And it’s made a thousand times worse by your constant, needless berating. I’m sorry Peralta isn’t perfect, but he’s a damn good detective, and the best asset this precinct has. We can all see it. So stop driving him away. Sir.”

“Gracious, I…Peralta, I’m sorry. I was unaware of the extent to which you have been struggling, and I appear to have made things…rather a lot worse,” he said, awkwardly.

“I do try my best, Captain.”

“I can see that, Peralta. I will never berate you about punctuality again, and if there’s anything else you need, please let me know. And Detective Diaz, I appreciate you standing up for Peralta when he was afraid to. Your loyalty, honesty and gumption are very admirable qualities.”

Rosa nodded at him.

“Come back to your desks when you’re ready, and not a second earlier. Diaz, Santiago, thank you for comforting Peralta.”

He left, and Jake’s stiff body relaxed.

“Thank you so much, Rosa,” he said, exhaling deeply.

“No problem,” she said, sitting back down beside him. “You don’t deserve to struggle like this, and have the CO you admire so much make shit worse. I’ll always stand up for you.”

“Thanks, guys. You’re such brilliant friends. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, either,” Amy said, resting her head on Jake’s shoulder as a warm feeling spread through her chest.

Chapter Text

After having changed into some more casual clothes after work, Amy got in her car and drove across town to her parents’ house. The journey took an hour fighting through rush hour traffic, but she enjoyed sitting in her car, humming along to music.

With Jake in prison, Amy was very used to quiet. The apartment was silent everyday when she came home from work, her desk had no eager chatter on the other side of it; her whole world was quiet, without the incessant talking of her lovably annoying boyfriend. Amy had never yearned to be overwhelmed with noise before.

She tried to fill the void as best she could: leaving the TV on a random channel while she pottered around the apartment, listening to audiobooks and podcasts and music while she walked or worked, inviting her friends over as often as she could. But then, when her friends left, or the music was turned off, things felt even quieter and lonelier than they had before.

Amy was a good daughter. She called her mother every week, and visited as often as she could. She loved her parents, of course she did, but deep beneath the surface, resentment lay. The constant pressures during her childhood to be perfect; the constant comparisons to her siblings - it all got to her. Okay, so maybe she could visit more often than she did, but she didn’t particularly have the desire to increase their frequency. However, tonight, she was very grateful for the invitation to dinner, as even being grilled by her parents was nicer than sitting alone in an empty, silent apartment with one
glass of wine too many.

When she eventually arrived, her mother greeted her at the door.

“Come in, darling, come in,” she said, hugging her.

“Thanks for inviting me over, Mom.”

“We have a very special surprise for you.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“It’s a surprise, silly! You have to wait to find out.”

“Okay,” Amy shrugged, taking her shoes off.

“Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes. Your father is in the living room, go and sit with him.”

Obeying, Amy went and sat on the couch beside her dad, hugging him.

“How are you doing, Tiger?” he asked.

“I’m okay. Just missing Jake and Rosa, and I’ve been at work a lot trying to crack the case.”

“Of course, of course. How’s everything else? How’s Kylie? We haven’t seen her in a long time.”

“Kylie’s good, yeah. We’ve been going to trivia every week.”

“Ah, good. You’ve been winning, hm?”

“Of course. I learnt from the best, Dad. Anyway, how have things been with you?”

“Things have been pretty good. I’ve been golfing a lot, and me and your brother David have been doing this puzzle challenge together.”

Amy half-listened as her father launched into a long speech about David, nodding and humming appropriately.

The doorbell rang a few minutes later, and Camilla eagerly came into the hallway.

“Amy, the surprise is here!” she said.

Curious, Amy watched as the door opened, and an uncomfortably familiar man stepped in.

“Hey Amy. Surprise!” he said, holding out a bunch of flowers.

“Mom, what the hell? Your surprise is Teddy? My ex-boyfriend Teddy?” she asked incredulously, eyes wide.

“Well, you two were such a good couple. I always liked him - much more than Jake. And what with him in prison for the next fifteen years, I thought it would be nice for the two of you to…reconnect.”

“Mom, what the fuck? You thought I’d want to cheat on Jake with my dickhead ex-boyfriend?”

“Do not speak to your mother like that, Amy,” her dad said harshly.

“I don’t give a fuck! You brought my ex-boyfriend to dinner to try and persuade me to get back with him? Unbelievable! God, I am fucking sick of you two! You could at least try and be supportive of me while I’m going through an unimaginably tough time, with my boyfriend framed and locked away from me. I’m not even surprised,” she said bitterly.

“We are supporting you!” Camilla protested.

“I’m leaving. You can have dinner with Teddy alone, since you love him sooo much.”

Slipping her shoes back on, Teddy thrust the flowers at her. Taking them from him, Amy threw them at her mother, and then slammed the front door behind her.

Getting into her car, Amy drove away, hot tears streaming down her cheeks. She couldn’t believe her parents, orchestrating a reunion with her son of a bitch ex while the love of her life was locked away from her. She sniffed fiercely, trying to stem the flow, as the road ahead of her became a blur of headlights.

Maybe too much wine and a silent apartment was better than dinner with her parents after all.

**

Once she got home, Amy got changed into a pair of sweatpants and one of Jake’s NYPD t-shirts. Crawling into bed, she cried into her pillow, the scent of Jake still lingering on the bed sheets. She missed him so immensely that she’d started carrying his cologne around with her in his purse, so she could smell his scent when the separation felt especially too much.

Amy couldn’t be alone right now. She needed to be with someone, anyone. Her first thought was Rosa, and her crying intensified when she was hit with a longing for her best friend as well as her boyfriend. Gina, as Rosa’s girlfriend, was the next best choice. She knew Gina would probably make fun of her, but she was so desperate that she’d happily hang out with even Hitchcock.

Amy: please can you come over? I really need someone
Gina: on my way

Grateful, Amy lay in bed crying for a few more minutes before getting out of bed and washing her face. It was red and puffy, and the cold water made minimal difference. Giving up, she went and sat on the couch, wrapping herself in a blanket.

Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Opening it, Gina greeted her, holding a pizza box and a bottle of wine.

“I’m surprised you came,” Amy said.

“Of course I did,” she replied, entering. “I know I’m usually a bitch, but this is a hard time for everyone right now. Let’s sit down and talk.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Don’t sweat it, girl.”

Sitting down on the couch, they dug into the pizza and poured big glasses of wine.

“You know, I don’t think there's been a single day since Jake and Rosa have been gone that I haven’t had a drink. Haven’t had three drinks.”

“Damn, girl. You’re really not doing alright, huh?”

Amy shook her head, taking a thick gulp of red wine.

“Okay, well, go ahead and talk.”

“I just…I miss him so much. It feels like my heart is broken without him. I’m such an anxious and high strung person, and I need someone like Jake to balance me out and make me okay. Without him, I’m just a wreck. I miss touching him so much. I miss him holding me.”

“I feel you on that one,” Gina agreed. “I miss cuddles. And just everything. Ugh. I think this is the longest I’ve been celibate my entire adult life. But it’s not even that that I miss the most. I miss hanging out with someone all the time, and the talks we’d have, and how Rosa just…gets me. I can’t even touch her at all. We’re separated by a stupid plastic screen when I visit. And her voice doesn’t sound the same over the stupid phone things. I just miss everything about her, so much.”

“I’m so glad that I at least get to hug Jake twice every visit. But still, it’s far from the same.”

“And I feel so…helpless. I trust the rest of the squad with my life, but I can’t work Rosa’s case. I can’t help get her out of there. I’m entirely at the mercy of other people, as is she. I didn’t think I was capable of loving someone this much, let alone missing someone this much. This sounds very dramatic but I’m being totally serious when I say that I literally feel like I’m dying without her here with me.”

“I feel the same,” Amy said, nodding. “It’s just…so brutal. And no one has done anything wrong except Hawkins and her cronies. Why do we all deserve to suffer?”

“We don’t,” Gina said, taking her hand and squeezing it. “We don’t, and Jake and Rosa don’t. We just have to hope that soon, they’ll be home with us. Hawkins will get what’s coming to her.”

“What if she doesn’t?” Amy whispered, voice hoarse.

“She will, Ames, I promise you. I promise she will. Even if that’s me murdering the bitch myself.”

“Thanks for being here for me, Gina. I really needed this.”

“I needed it too. Do you want me to stay over tonight?”

“If you’re sure you don’t mind, I’d love that. I’ve been so lonely.”

“Of course I don’t mind. I’ve been so lonely too.”

Chapter Text

“Peralta, the car is here to take us to the airport,” Captain Holt said. “It’s time to say your goodbyes.”

“Okay. Can me and Amy have a minute in your office?” he asked.

“Of course.”

Leading his sobbing girlfriend by the hand, Jake took Amy into Holt’s office, shutting the door and the blinds before sitting down next to her on the couch.

“Ames,” he began, taking both her hands. “I’m so sorry about all this. I’m so, so sorry. Fuck, I’m going to miss you so much. I can’t even believe this is happening. Figgis only called two hours ago, and I’m about to leave for fucking Florida.”

“Jake, I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” she sobbed, clinging to him.

“Babe, you’re going to be just fine, I promise you. You’re a strong, independent woman, and I know you’re gonna bust Figgis as soon as you physically can. But, that being said…I want you, while I’m gone, to do anything you have to do to be okay. If it’s what you need, or even just what you want, I want you to get with someone else.”

“Jake, what the fuck? I only have eyes for you. I love you!” she said, almost indignant.

“I know, I know, and I feel the same. But Ames, we have no idea how long I’m gonna be away for. I want you to be happy while I’m gone.”

“What are the conditions of this?”

“None, other than that when I come back - if I come back - you’re here for me. But I have no control over that. If you find someone else better, I really can’t blame you.”

“Jake, you’re the one for me, baby, I promise,” Amy said, hands on his face. “I’d never find someone else better than you, not ever. And will you be with other girls?”

“Never,” he said. “I can’t even imagine a universe where I’m with someone other than you. But, Ames, you need somebody to balance out your anxiety. And you get so lonely. I’ll be fine, but you won’t. Please, baby. The minute you feel the need, please find somebody else.”

“Is that what you want me to do?”

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

“Okay. Okay, if, and only if, I feel the need to, I will. But I don’t want anyone except you, Jake.”

“I don’t want anyone except you either, Ames. But most of all, I want you to be happy.”

Wrapping her arms tightly around him, Amy pulled him in for a kiss, and they stayed like that until there was a soft knock on the office door.

“Right. It’s go-time,” Jake said. “I’ll really miss you, babe. And I’ll think about you all the time.”

“I’ll miss you too, Jake. And you won’t leave my mind for a single second.”

Leaving the office, they shared one final embrace and kiss.

“Goodbye, Ames. I love you.”

“I love you too, Jake,” she whispered, voice cracking.

The minute the elevator doors closed behind Jake and Captain Holt, Amy burst into fresh tears, gratefully falling into Rosa’s open arms.

**

Amy spent a lot of time with Rosa over the coming weeks. Gina was too critical of her constant crying, Charles was too busy being selfish, and Terry was too busy mostly running the precinct to be able to help her out. So she and Rosa found solace in quiet nights at one of their places, drinking beer and talking.

One night, they were sitting in silence on Amy’s couch, absently watching a movie.

“I’m starting to think they’re never coming back,” Amy blurted suddenly.

“Really?” Rosa asked, turning to look at her.

“Yeah.”

“I’ve been thinking the same. I just never wanted to voice it. I didn’t wanna scare you.”

“Do you think Adrian’s coming back?”

“I have this sinking feeling that he’s dead.”

“Oh, Jesus. Rosa, I’m so sorry.”

Rosa paused.

“Amy, I…this is such a confusing time with so many feelings, and I never wanted to say anything and fuck everything up for you even more. But, I think I’ve gotta say it.”

“What’s up?”

“I like you,” she said quietly. “Like, I have romantic feelings for you.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

Amy’s brain was going a million miles an hour as she stared at Rosa. She’d wanted to stay loyal to Jake, but he’d told her she could be with people while he was gone, and all the signs were starting to point towards him being in Florida for a very long time, if not forever. Adrian was gone, and Rosa must be lonely too. Amy had known she was bi for a little while now, but was yet to tell anyone, including Jake. And, come to think of it, she’d grown very fond of Rosa in the last few months, in a way that couldn’t be just platonic. She remembered the way her whole body grew hot every time Rosa brushed against her, and how her heart skipped a beat every time she touched her.

Decision made, Amy leaned in to kiss Rosa, hand on her cheek. Responding in kind, Rosa kissed back, hands in Amy’s hair as her soft lips worked against hers.

“Wait,” Rosa said, pulling away. “What does this all mean? What about Jake?”

“I have feelings for you back,” she admitted shyly. “And Jake kinda opened our relationship for Florida. He said he wanted me to get with someone if I was lonely, and…I really want to be with you, Rosa.”

“Is this just sex?”

“I want it to be more than that.”

“Me too.”

“What about Adrian?”

“He won’t care.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

They connected their lips again, and soon, Amy was straddling Rosa’s lap on the couch. When they made it to her bedroom, clothes came off in a frenzy. Once Rosa’s mouth was on her, it wasn’t long before Amy was cumming so hard she saw stars, and then she was between Rosa’s legs, and Rosa was carefully instructing her, and then Rosa was orgasming too.

Wrapping the sheets around their nude bodies, they snuggled up, Amy lying on Rosa’s chest.

“I didn’t know you were bi,” Amy said, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together.

“I didn’t know you were bi either. How long have you known?”

“Not long. A couple of months. I haven’t told anyone yet, and you’re the first girl I’ve ever been with. What about you?”

“Since I was 12. I’ve had girlfriends before and everything. And I’m sure you can tell that I’m quite experienced.”

“Yeah. You were really good. Was I?”

“Very. Surprisingly good, considering you’ve never eaten pussy before. Did you like it?”

“A lot. It was very different to anything I’ve done before, but I really loved it.”

Rosa kissed her softly.

“It’s getting late,” Rosa said.

“Please stay the night,” Amy begged.

“I will. Do you have a spare toothbrush?”

“Yeah. And you can borrow some clothes.”

“Who said I’m gonna be wearing any clothes?” Rosa said, raising an eyebrow.

Amy blushed.

After brushing their teeth, they climbed back into bed naked, curling up together.

“I can’t believe we just, you know. Did what we did,” Amy said.

“Had sex?”

“Yeah.”

“God, you’re such a prude.”

“Am not!” she insisted, indignant.

“Whatever you say.”

“It just…feels strange. Not bad strange! But, you know. Haven’t done anything for a few months, what with Jake gone. And I just…miss him so much. And to know he’ll probably never come home, it’s just…I need to move on, I think. The NYPD and FBI have told us things aren’t looking promising, at all, so…I need to. Jake would want me to.”

“I think he would. He cares about you so much. What he wants the most is for you to be happy.”

“What about you and Adrian?”

“I don’t…I don’t think things would work out between me and him long-term. Things were fun, and we got along really well. But a bit too well, I think. I have a history with mental health stuff, as does he, and I think his self-destruction was destroying me.”

“What kind of mental health stuff?”

Amy felt Rosa stiffen.

“You don’t have to tell me, not if you don’t want to, Ro.”

“No, I do want to. Especially if we’re like, dating, now. Well, I’ve always had depression and anxiety, and some food and weight stuff when I was in my 20s. But I was raped in college and I’ve never quite been the same since. I got addicted to self-harm to cope, and it was tough to quit, but I did a few years ago.”

“Oh, Rosa, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m alright now. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed my scars before.”

“I had noticed, I just didn’t wanna say anything. It was clear they were from a long time ago.”

“They are. Thanks for not being weird about it.”

“Of course.”

“And…what’s the deal with all of this? You know, telling people-wise?” Rosa asked.

“Well…I think, personally, it’s for the best if we don’t tell anyone at work. No one will get it, especially Charles, and neither of us are out yet.”

“I agree. Does anyone know your sexuality?”

“Nobody.”

“No one at work except Jake knows about me, and then my friends outside of work know. But not my parents, ‘cause they’re super homophobic. Anyway. It’s getting super late. Do you wanna just go to sleep, and we can talk more tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Amy said, yawning. “Goodnight, Rosa.”

“Goodnight, Ames.”

**

Over the coming months, Rosa and Amy hung out pretty much every night, peacefully domestic. They cooked together, cleaned together, watched TV together. Rosa basically lived with Amy after a little while. Amy couldn’t let go of the guilt she felt, separated from her boyfriend while she felt safe and happy at home with Rosa. Under her girlfriend’s suggestion, she started going to therapy, which helped a lot. She missed Jake immensely, of course she did, but the guilt eased a little, and she felt okay. As Rosa often reminded her, Jake wanted her to be happy, so there was no point wallowing in misery in his absence.

**

“Hey, you coming over tonight?” Amy asked, sitting beside Rosa on the break room sofa.

“‘Course,” Rosa replied. “I’ll go home after work to pick some stuff up, and then get to yours.”

“Okay, perfect.”

When Rosa arrived that night, Amy opened the door with messy hair and a red, swollen face.

“Jesus shit, Ames, are you okay?” Rosa asked, coming in.

“I was just fucking hysterically crying, so not really!”

“Baby, baby, what’s wrong?” Rosa asks, guiding her to the couch.

“I just…it feels so stupid, but I just miss Jake so much. I hate this situation, I hate it so fucking much. I just want to talk to him, and I want to stop feeling so guilty for trying to be happy without him. I don’t deserve this.”

“Amy, yes you do,” Rosa said, taking her hands. “He’s told you that you can do whatever you need to do to be okay without him. And regardless, you deserve happiness.”

“I don’t feel like I do. Why should I get to be happy when Jake’s away from almost everyone he loves?”

“Baby, you can’t feel guilty for making the most of a bad situation,” Rosa said, wrapping her arms around her. “Please, stop beating yourself up. How about we try and have a nice evening, where we forget all about guilt? Let me make you happy, hm?”

“Okay,” Amy said, voice shaky.

“Shall we order some food from the Polish place you like?”

“Yeah. That would be good.”

Rosa kissed her softly.

Amy ended up falling asleep in her girlfriend’s arms in bed, full of delicious food, as they watched a movie together.

**

It was finally happening. They were finally going to Florida to rescue Jake and Holt. They’d closed in on Figgis, and other than CJ’s interference, everything was going to plan.

“Rosa, please can we talk?” Amy asked, hand on her arm, as they all packed up their stuff in the breakroom.

“Sure,” Rosa said.

She followed Amy into a supply closet, where they shut and locked the door behind them.

“Rosa…I think we need to have a conversation. A very tough and hard conversation. I need you to promise me that you’ll be honest.”

“I promise, Ames.”

Amy took her hands, and squeezed them.

“I have loved spending these last few months with you, I really have. And it’s not that I don’t love you. But I just…I entered a relationship with you thinking there was no chance Jake would ever come back. But now, there’s a chance. And I think…I think that my heart belongs to him.”

Tears filled Rosa’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Rosa, I really am. You’ve been so immensely good to me, and you don’t deserve this. You’ve allowed me to fully embrace every aspect of my identity, and I don’t think I would’ve survived these last six months without you. I’m so grateful to have you in my life, and I would really love it if we could continue to be friends. But if not, I completely understand. Whatever you want, we can do.”

“I knew this was coming,” Rosa admitted. “I always knew it was. I do think we have a really good connection, but you and Jake…you’re just perfect for each other. I’m not gonna pretend that I’m not really sad, and that I wish things had all happened differently. But this is what’s for the best.”

“I’m glad you agree.”

“I want to stay friends, of course. I’ll always care so deeply for you, Amy. So, so deeply. You’ll always be my best friend, regardless.”

Amy hugged her tightly, holding onto her. She felt some of Rosa’s silent tears seep into her shoulder.

“Thank you so much for this time we’ve spent together, Rosa. I’ve learnt so much about myself, and become a far better person. I’ll forever be so grateful to you for that.”

“Me too,” Rosa said, breaking the embrace.

They shared a soft, lingering kiss.

“Come on. Let’s go get Jake back,” Rosa said, wiping her eyes and smiling.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Amy asked anxiously.

“I’m sure. What are you gonna tell Jake?”

“The truth. And I’ll do my best to make stuff not weird between you two. If he has a problem with it, then he needs to take it up with me, not you.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Hopefully.”

**

A lot later that night, in the early hours of the morning, Jake and Amy were lying tangled up in a crappy motel bed together, sheets wrapped around them. Jake’s bandaged leg had made things a bit tricky, but they worked around it.

“Were there other guys, while I was gone?” he asked, breaking the comfortable silence. “It’s okay if there were. I told you that you could.”

“I…sort of,” Amy began, tense.

“Sort of?”

“Well…okay, so this is very scary to admit, but a few months before you went into witness protection, I figured out that I’m bisexual. I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I was only just coming to terms with it myself. Once I finally started to plan on telling you, all the Figgis stuff happened and you got sent away.”

“I support you unconditionally, Ames, always. So, were you sleeping with women?”

“One woman. And…it was Rosa,” she said, heart pounding. “I really don’t want you to be upset, and we broke everything off on good terms this morning. We’re still friends, and I don’t want things to be weird between you and her.”

“Oh my God, that makes me so relieved,” Jake said, exhaling deeply. “In a weird way, I’m so much happier that it was someone I know and trust. I know she would’ve looked after you and treated you well.”

“She did. I was worried you’d react, like, the opposite, and be really upset that it was someone you know.”

"No, I promise, I really am glad. So, were you, like, officially together?”

“Well…yeah,” Amy said, blushing. “Rosa thinks Adrian might be dead, and it got to a point where the FBI told us they had no leads on their investigation, and that you’d likely never be able to come home. Rosa knew all along without me needing to tell her that if you came back, I’d choose you. She was very respectful about everything. She helped me a lot, and she encouraged me to start therapy, which has been very beneficial. I don’t think I would’ve survived without her.”

“I’m glad she made you happy, Ames.”

“Me too. I wasn’t ever trying to replace you, it wasn’t like that, I promise. I wasn’t just using her - we had a really good connection. Instead of filling your void, she filled others. I could cope with those voids when you were here, but not when you weren’t.”

“I understand. I’m so glad that being with her meant you were okay.”

“Were you with other women?”

“No. The thought of being with someone else like that makes me feel sick. But, well, you know that me and Captain Holt kissed,” he giggled.

“I can’t even believe that,” Amy said, also giggling.

“Am I living out your fantasy?” Jake teased.

“Shut up!” Amy said, laughing.

It wasn’t long before Amy fell asleep in her boyfriend’s arms, nestled into him. He picked up his phone, grateful Amy had brought it with her.

Jake: thank you so much for taking care of her while I couldn’t. It means so much
Rosa: you’re welcome. Now make sure you keep looking after her, for me
Jake: I will, always.

**

In her own motel room, Rosa was secretly crying. She knew it was ridiculous that she was so upset - she’d known all along that this would happen, eventually. She also knew it was what was best for Amy, and wouldn’t selfishly try and keep that from her. Still, she couldn’t help just being so immensely sad: she’d never get to spend another night curled up with Amy, touching her soft skin, her even softer hair. Her heart ached for her. She knew she’d be okay eventually, especially if Pimento ever came back and could distract her, but still. Rosa decided to let herself be sad, at least for a little while.

Chapter Text

Rosa woke up later than usual that day, rolling over in bed. The first thing she was met with was the throbbing pain in her ankle, and she sighed, sitting up.

You’d think Rosa would’ve learned not to go off track during hikes after the poison ivy incident many years ago, but seemingly, she had not. After rolling her ankle on some rocks, and having to be helped hobble the one mile back to the lake house, this was most definitely lesson learned.

After brushing her teeth and using the toilet, Rosa went into the main living room/kitchen area, where her friends and old coworkers were all sitting around, just finishing up eating cereal and pancakes.

“Morning Rosa!” Amy said. “How’s your ankle?”

“Morning, morning. It hurts, but I’m okay,” she said, sitting down on a spare corner of a couch.

“Rosa, are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?” Raymond asked.

“Yes, it looks rather swollen,” Kevin interjected.

“I’m sure, guys,” she said. “I’ll be fine in a day or two.”

“Okay, well, I’m guessing you’ll be out of commission for our hike today?” Jake asked.

“Unfortunately, yes,” she said. “It’s such a bummer. I was so excited for today’s route, the nature is supposed to be gorgeous.”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay staying here alone?” Amy asked anxiously.

“I will be, don’t worry.”

“Can I stay with Auntie Roro?” Mac asked.

“Buddy, Auntie Roro probably isn’t well enough to look after you,” Jake said.

“But I don’t wanna go on another stupid hike with the stupid bees!”

“Mac, it’s very unlikely that you’ll get stung,” Jake assured him. “And anyway, Mom has your Epipens if you have a bad reaction. You’ll be perfectly safe.”

“But I’m scared!” he wailed.

“I’m happy for Mac to stay with me,” Rosa said.

“Are you sure?” Jake asked.

“Of course. I love spending time with my Macadoodledoo,” she teased.

“Okay, well, we’re all pretty much ready to get going, I think,” Amy said. “If you need us to come back for any reason, just call.”

“I will,” Rosa said. “Now go have fun! Me and Mac will have a lovely time here.”

“Okay, okay,” Jake said.

Mac came and sat on the couch next to Rosa while everyone put on their hiking boots and sunscreen. Amy hugged them both goodbye, and then they were left in a quiet lake house together.

“God, it’s nice to have some quiet, hm?” Rosa said.

“Yeah. Everyone is very noisy.”

“What would you like to do today?” she asked.

“Can we watch a movie?”

“Sure. I think your parents signed into their Netflix account, so you find something to watch, and I’ll see if I can dig out some popcorn,” Rosa said, handing him the TV remote and then hobbling into the kitchen.

When she returned, Mac had selected Encanto, so they sat and watched it together quietly for a while, Rosa’s arm around Mac.

“Auntie Roro, what was it like working with my Mom and Dad? Were they annoying?”

“Oh, super annoying sometimes. Me and your dad went to the police training academy together, and we formed a very special bond. He was super duper annoying at times, though, but in a lovable way. He asked out one of the girls on our programme, and she said no. Turns out, she had a ‘thing’ with one of the other guys, but neither of us knew, and he beat Jake up! Your poor father was just laying on the floor being punched, but I was always very unafraid to fight back, so I picked the guy up off him and punched him instead. Many, many times.”

“Was he okay?” Mac gasped.

“Your dad or the guy I beat up?”

“Both!"

“Your dad was fine, just a little bruised. The guy I beat up had his pride severely wounded, and I broke his nose. But he was fine other than that.”

“You broke his nose! Auntie Roro!”

“He deserved it!” she protested. “He beat up your dad.”

“Still,” he said dubiously. “What was my mom like back then?”

“Very much the same as she is now. Very high-strung and anxious all the time. And for a year or so she dated this gross guy named Teddy. Her and your dad got together not long after they broke up, and they’d run into Teddy sometimes, because he’s also a police officer. Whenever they saw each other, Teddy would propose to your mom! He even proposed to her while she was pregnant with you.”

“What? Even though she was married to Daddy?”

“Yep. Teddy was a very nasty and selfish guy.”

“Why did Mom date him?” he said, wrinkling his nose.

“No idea. To her credit, he was a lot less nasty and selfish back then.”

“Auntie Roro, why don’t you have a boyfriend? And my Mommy told me you like having girlfriends too.”

“I do like dating women and men,” she said, nodding. “But right now, I don’t wanna date anybody.”

“Why?” he asked curiously.

“Well, I had some very serious girlfriends and boyfriends, and I even almost married one of them. But nothing ever worked out right. When you were little, I decided to stay single and enjoy life like that for a while. I then had a girlfriend again, named Sarah, but we ended up breaking up three years ago. Just didn’t work out. I’ve decided that I prefer being on my own. And anyway, I don’t need a partner - I have you, and your mom and dad are like family to me. And Charles, and Kevin, and Grandpa Ray. I have so many people around me that love me, and I don’t need anyone else to feel happy.”

“Auntie Roro, is it okay if a girl marries a girl or a boy marries a boy? Like Grandpa Ray and Grandpa Kevin?” he asked, squirming.

“Of course it’s okay, Macadoodle. Some people don’t agree with it, but a lot of people do. I’d be just as likely to marry another girl as I would be a guy. Why’d you ask, honey?”

“Because…because there’s this boy in my class at school, Reece. And I think I have a crush on him,” he said shyly. “I’m just worried that my parents would shout at me for having a crush on a boy. None of the other boys at school have crushes on the other boys.”

“Oh, honey, your parents would accept you no matter what. You having crushes on other boys would never make them love you any less, I promise,” Rosa said, pulling him onto her lap and hugging him tightly. “Have you told anyone else yet?”

“No,” he said. “I was too scared I’d get made fun of.”

“If you get made fun of, I’ll beat the bullies up like I did to the guy that hurt your Dad,” she said, and Mac giggled. “Soo…what’s Reece like, hm?”

“He’s very sweet. He has curly black hair and he’s taller than everyone else. WAY taller. Sometimes he holds my hand when we run around during recess.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet,” Rosa said. “Is this your first ever crush?”

“No. Before that, I had a crush on Mackenzie, which was funny because people call her ‘Mac’ too. But I don’t have a crush on her anymore.”

“Are you going to tell your mom and dad about Reece?”

“Maybe. Having a crush is just so embarrassing!”

Rosa chuckled.

“They’ll always love you no matter what, Macadoodle. As will I.”

“I’ll always love you too, Auntie Roro,” he said, wrapping his arms around her.

Chapter Text

The last thing Rosa wanted to be doing on a Friday evening was going undercover at a domestic abuse survivors support group. She knew it was important for the sake of their case, but despite the therapy and antidepressants she’d had since the abuse she faced from Adrian, she still didn’t particularly feel comfortable sitting in a circle of women all sharing their (likely triggering) stories. She’d tried to dress inconspicuously in a grey t-shirt and black jeans, but still, her heart hammered in her chest. This was Amy’s case, not Rosa’s, but Amy had realised that her old nextdoor neighbour attended the sessions, and it would be too risky for her to do the operation. So, Rosa was tasked with it.

Jake and Amy, the only members of the squad who knew about what happened with Adrian, had made absolutely sure she’d be okay; she promised she would be. Her and Jocelyn had had a fight over it, but when Rosa insisted she’d be perfectly fine to go, Jocelyn finally relented. Secretly, she was very nervous about it, but still wanted to attend for the sake of the case.

Reading over the case notes before leaving, Rosa hopped on the subway. It was a private support group, and it was suspected that the therapist was running the group to cover up his money laundering. Heart thudding, Rosa got off the train and walked towards the church hall where it was held, eyes darting about in the dark.

“Hi, is this the domestic abuse group thingy?” she asked, poking her head in the door.

“It is,” the leader said. “Welcome. Please, take a seat.”

Rosa sat down in an available chair in the circle, nervously eyeing the four other women sitting around her.

“You must be Anna,” the leader continued. “We spoke on the phone.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s me,” Rosa said, swallowing.

“I’m Mark. There’s no need to be nervous, Anna. This is a safe space. Now, how about you share first this week?”

“Oh! Oh, okay. Well, I’m Anna. My ex-boyfriend used to beat me up, so. Now I’m here,” she said, nodding awkwardly.

Everyone looked at her expectantly.

“Um, well, I left him over a year ago, and things have been okay since. Therapy and meds and shit. But, it was really hard. He’d experienced a lot of very severe trauma, and he’d have these…episodes. And when he had these episodes, he got violent and shit. He didn’t…he didn’t mean to hit me. But he didn’t try to get better and stop the episodes either, so…he wasn’t blameless. I stayed with him after it happened so many times, and I comforted HIM about it. Which was fucking stupid. But, yeah. I didn’t deserve it, so eventually I plucked up the courage and left him.”

“That was very brave of you,” one of the women interjected. “I’m Janine, by the way.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Rosa said, nodding.

“Would somebody else like to share next?” Mark asked.

“I will,” another woman said.

“Go ahead,” Mark said.

“Hi, I’m Denise,” she said. “My ex-husband was emotionally abusive. He would manipulate me in every argument we had, and make me think I was in the wrong. It was relentless. The gaslighting was…insane. I almost went crazy because I had no idea what was real and what wasn’t anymore. He twisted my words, and just…almost every night, he was just screaming at me. He’d set rules, and the moment I broke them, I was dead meat.”

“What kind of rules?” Rosa asked.

“Curfews. If I wasn’t home from work at 5:30, all hell would break loose. And most of the time, it wasn’t even my fault I was ‘late’, it was the traffic or having to stay behind at work to finish stuff or whatever. And the moment I confronted him about it, it was all being flipped. He insisted that it was because he worried about me and wanted me to be safe, but it was just all an effort to control me. He also wouldn’t let me see my friends, because I needed to ‘spend time with him in the evening’. Isolating me from everyone in my life was a clear abuse tactic. And then there was the guilt tripping me into sex. If I didn’t want to, he just tried to guilt me. I needed to give it to him, or he wanted to ‘show me how much he loved me’, or some other stupid, fucked-up shit. And then if I still said no, he yelled at me until I said yes. I was so scared of what he’d do if I didn’t, so…I did. And it haunts me to this day.”

“I…I have to go,” Rosa said, nausea swelling in her stomach.

“Anna? Are you okay?” Mark asked.

Grabbing her purse, Rosa ran out of the room, hurrying out onto the dark street.

Suddenly, it all made sense.

All of Jocelyn’s weird, controlling behaviour aligned almost perfectly with Denise’s description of her ex-husband.

The screaming at Rosa when she got home late or went to Shaw’s after work, all because she wanted them to ‘spend time together’.

Insisting that Saturday needed to be ‘their special day’ so Rosa couldn’t see her brunch friends anymore.

The guilt tripping into sex. Just last month, Rosa had been feeling run down about a case, and wanted to spend time just cuddling her girlfriend. When it became clear to Jocelyn that no sex would be involved, she berated Rosa, saying she must be cheating on her, and that Rosa’s work had gotten into their love life again. In the end, Rosa just agreed to it, needing to prove to her girlfriend that none of that was true. Her skin crawled just thinking about it.

All of Jocelyn’s ridiculous rules swirled through her head. She needed to shower at a certain time, not go to bed before 11 even if she was yawning and dropping asleep on the couch, she needed to pay for their food because Jocelyn was having a ‘rough time financially’. She needed to clean her apartment, HER apartment that SHE owned, a certain way that suited Jocelyn. And Rosa followed them all readily, just desperate to make the woman she loved happy.

But now, Rosa understood. Jocelyn would only be happy if Rosa was unhappy.

Her mind whirring, Rosa felt like she was outside of her body as her feet trod the familiar path to Jake and Amy’s apartment. Her vision blurred as the piercing headlights and rumble of engines and blares of horns buzzed and swirled absently around her, heart racing and body burning.

Knocking on the front door of her friends’ apartment, Rosa’s chest heaved. She stabilised herself against the doorframe with her sweaty palm, listening to the patter of approaching footsteps inside.

“Rosa?” Amy said, opening the door. “Jesus, are you okay? Come inside, come inside.”

Hand on Rosa’s back, Amy guided her inside, sitting her down on the couch. She was fully hyperventilating now, chest burning.

“Okay, okay, we’re gonna take some slow, deep breaths. Jake’s just in the shower, he’ll be out soon.”

Amy guided Rosa through some breathing until she’d calmed down, holding her hands.

“What’s happened, Rosa? I knew you shouldn’t have gone to that support group,” she said angrily. “I’m pissed that Holt wouldn’t find someone else to send.”

“I’m not upset about Adrian,” she said, voice shaky. “I…I think Jocelyn might be abusive. Emotionally.”

“What makes you think so?” Amy asked, heart rising in her throat.

“She has all these…rules. Curfews, how I need to cook stuff and clean my apartment, what time I need to be home. And she just manipulates me and guilt trips me into doing stuff for her, and whenever we fight, it’s always me in the wrong, even if I’m bringing up something she’s obviously done wrong. All she does is twist my words, and she…she threatens to hurt herself if I mess up or fight with her. I just…I don’t think I realised anything was wrong before one of the women at the group described the way her ex-husband abused her. She always told me she did it because she loved me.”

“Oh, Rosa, c’mere,” Amy said, wrapping her arms around her.

Tears started to drip down her cheeks as she held onto Amy.

“Why is this happening to me again?” she sobbed, shaking.

“It’s not fucking fair, Rosa. Not fair at all. You don’t deserve this.”

At that moment, the bathroom door opened and Jake came out, dressed in pyjamas with his hair wet.

“Rosa? Oh my God, Rosa, are you okay?” he asked, rushing to the couch and sitting down beside her.

“I went to the support group thing and based on what the women were saying, I realised that Jocelyn’s abusing me,” she said, wiping her tears.

“I’ll fucking beat her ass,” Jake warned. “I will.”

“I know you will. You beat Pimento’s ass,” she said. “I just…don’t know what to do.”

“Rosa, you need to break up with her. You can’t stay in an environment like that, it’s unsafe,” Amy said.

“But she’ll go crazy when I end things.”

“We can be there with you, to keep you safe,” Jake assured her.

“Can I stay here for the night?” she asked. “I need to think about what I’m gonna do and say, and I need some time.”

“Of course you can stay, Rosa,” Jake assured. “It’s late already, so how about we all get some sleep and then come up with a plan of action tomorrow?”

“Yeah, that would be good. Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank us, Rosa,” Amy said. “We’re always here for you.”

“I need to call her. Will you stay, while I do?”

“Of course we will.”

Hands shaking, Rosa took out her phone, dialling Jocelyn’s number. She picked up almost straight away.

“Hi baby!” Rosa said, trying to sound as bright as possible.

“Rosa, when are you coming home?” she demanded. “I’ve texted you a hundred times. You told me that you’d be home by 10!”

“I’m sorry,” Rosa said lamely. “Jake and Amy called and asked me to come over. Amy’s having a really rough time and needs company.”

“What’s going on with her?”

“Well, it’s…pretty private, I don’t think Amy would want me telling people.”

“Not even your girlfriend? Un-fucking-believable. I warned you about your friends. Asking you to hide stuff from others for them. They’re not good people, Rosa.”

Rosa stiffened.

“Look, Jo, I have to go. I’ll be home after work tomorrow.”

“That’s fucking ridiculous!”

“Amy needs me. She’s my best friend, I want to be there for her. You’re welcome to stay at my place overnight. Bye, Jo.”

Before she could berate her any further, Rosa hung up.

“Is that…normal, for her?” Jake asked.

“Very. I was expecting worse, to be honest.”

“Jesus, Rosa. We had no idea you were facing all of this,” Amy said.

“I should’ve figured it out after the hacker incident,” Jake said angrily. “She was acting so strange.”

“Don’t be angry with yourself, Jake,” Rosa said. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Does Jocelyn not like me and Jake?” Amy asked.

“I didn’t wanna say anything, but…no, she doesn’t. She was very jealous about the time I’d spend with you guys and not her. She was convinced I was cheating on her with one of you for a bit. She’d periodically change her mind on which one of you it was. She thinks I’m some homewrecking slut, which I guess is her biphobia. She’s always been weird about me liking guys too. I can’t believe my girlfriend seriously thought I’d cheat on her with one of my married best friends.”

“God, Rosa. You need to get out,” Jake said.

“I know, I know,” she said. “I want to. It’s just so scary.”

“Well, you can stay with us as long as you need to,” Amy promised. “We’re right by your side in this.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you guys,” Rosa said, leaning her head against Jake.

“We don’t know what we’d do without you either,” Amy said, taking her hand.

“Stay here for the night,” Jake said. “Our couch is always open for you.”

“Thank you,” Rosa said, yawning. “I don’t suppose I could borrow some pyjamas and a toothbrush? And makeup wipes?”

“Of course,” Amy said, getting up.

Giving Rosa some supplies, she went into the bathroom and got ready for bed, washing her face with cold water to soothe her red and puffy eyelids. When she went back into the living room, Jake and Amy were ready to get into bed themselves, so Rosa went into their room.

“We’ve put some spare blankets and pillows for you on the couch,” Amy said.

Rosa paused.

“I…I’m not trying to be selfish,” she began, voice cracking, “but I really don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Come into bed with us,” Jake offered instantly. “It would be nice to bring back our platonic snuggles.”

“Are you sure?” Rosa asked, glancing between the two of them.

“Absolutely,” Amy said. “You deserve to feel safe and cared for.”

“Thank you guys so much.”

Rosa got into bed, lying on their comfy mattress. Climbing in on either side of her, Jake spooned her from behind, while Amy lay facing her, tucked up under her chin.

“Goodnight, guys,” Jake said. “I hope you both sleep well.”

“You too,” Rosa replied.

“Night,” Amy said.

**

The next morning when Rosa awoke from a peaceful slumber, the bed was empty behind her, but Amy was still snuggled up asleep, arms around her. She carefully slipped out of bed so as not to disturb Amy, and found Jake making pancakes in the kitchen.

“Morning!” he said. “I was trying to bring you both breakfast in bed.”

“Sorry,” Rosa said, stretching and yawning. “I’m an early riser.”

“No worries,” he said. “Have you made a decision on what you’re gonna do?”

“I’m gonna break up with her, and today,” she said determinedly.

“That’s the spirit!” Jake said. “I’m proud of you, Ro.”

“Thanks,” she said. “How would you feel about you and Amy coming with me and waiting outside the door? Just in case things escalate.”

“We’ll be there,” he promised.

**

Amy woke up shortly after, and the three of them ate their pancakes before getting ready. After having a shower, Rosa styled her hair and used the makeup Amy lent her. Having been given free choice of her wardrobe, Rosa wore her own jeans from the day before and borrowed a tight black long sleeve shirt, donning her leather jacket. She looked super sexy, and glowed with a sense of confidence.

The three of them were quiet on the car ride over, Rosa’s heart thumping out of her chest. They walked up to Rosa’s apartment together, Jake and Amy waiting right outside the door so they could listen out and intervene if necessary.

“You got this, Rosa,” Jake whispered, and Amy squeezed her arm reassuringly.

Trying to stop shaking, Rosa unlocked the door to her apartment.

“Rosa, where the fuck have you been?” Jocelyn instantly demanded, leaping up from the couch. “You ignored all my texts! I was worried sick!”

“I was at Jake and Amy’s,” she said calmly. “I told you that.”

“And doing God knows what while you were there, I imagine,” she spat.

“Jocelyn, we need to talk,” Rosa said.

“Yeah, we do. About your fucking behaviour, Rosa. I’m your girlfriend, and you treat me like shit.”

“No,” Rosa said confidently. “It’s YOU who treats ME like shit, Jocelyn. And I’m done with this. I’m breaking up with you.”

“WHAT? Did Jake and Amy put you up to this?” she said, face becoming purple with rage.

“This was entirely my own decision. I don’t want you in my life anymore.”

“Rosa, you’re making a very bad decision. You have proven time and time again that you have no idea what’s best for you, and you’re going to fucking regret this,” she warned.

“I know I won’t,” Rosa said. “I can’t be with you anymore. Please give me your key and leave my apartment. I will pack up all your stuff and drop it off at your apartment tomorrow.”

“Have it your way, bitch,” Jocelyn hissed, quivering with rage. “But just remember, I’m the best you’ll ever fucking have. No one else will love you, got it? Now you’ve tossed me aside like the nasty cunt you are, you’re gonna be alone forever. No one could love a monster like you.”

Throwing her key down the counter, Jocelyn opened the door, glaring at Jake and Amy in a mixture of disgust and surprise when she saw them there. Pausing as if to say something, Jocelyn changed her mind, storming down the corridor and disappearing down the staircase.

Collapsing onto the couch in sobs, Jake and Amy rushed to her, wrapping their arms around her.

“We got you, Rosa, we got you,” Amy murmured.

“It’s all going to be okay,” Jake assured.

“It hurts so bad,” Rosa said between sobs. “But I’m so relieved. I’m finally free.”

Chapter Text

Rosa was lying on her couch, arms around her girlfriend Amelia as they watched TV. Her phone began ringing, and she sighed, leaning over to grab it from the coffee table.

“Hey, Mac! Are you okay?” she asked, accepting the call.

“Auntie Roro!” he slurred. “I am suuuuuuuuuuper drunk and I need you to come pick me up because my mom will go crazy. And I can’t stop dancing, for some reason?”

“Oh, Mac. Right, I’m on my way. Text me the address of where you are.”

“Yayyy! Thank you.”

“Stay safe.”

“I will! See you soon.”

“See you soon, buddy.”

Rosa hung up the phone, getting off the couch.

“Is everything alright?” Amelia asked.

“I’m so sorry, baby, but I need to pick up McClane. Idiot’s got super drunk,” she said, shrugging on a jacket and grabbing a pair of shoes.

Amelia pouted.

“We had plans,” she said.

“I know, I know,” Rosa sighed. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise, babe.”

“It’s okay. I’ll wait up for you.”

“God, you’re the best,” Rosa said. “I’ll see you soon.”

“See you soon, honey.”

They shared a fleeting kiss, and then Rosa left.

Getting into her car, she entered the directions Mac had texted her. Mercifully, it was only a fifteen minute drive away, and the roads were quiet this late at night. It wasn’t long before she pulled up outside the apartment block, so she texted Mac that she’d arrived. A few minutes later, a stumbling figure exited the building, and danced its way towards the car.

“Auntie Roro!” he said, grinning, once he opened the car door.

“Get in, loser,” she said, fondly rolling her eyes.

“Hello to you too,” he replied, just about managing to get in the car, body still moving.

“So, you got pissed?”

“Yes,” he said. “Please don’t be mad! It’s my best friend’s birthday, and I’d never had vodka before!”

“I’m not mad. Now, come on, tell your parents that I’ve picked you up and I’ll bring you home soon. We need to sober you up first.”

“Okay.”

Rosa drove away after helping Mac with his seatbelt, laughing fondly.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“Arby’s,” she replied. “You need to consume carbs and coffee.”

“Yippee! I fucking love Arby’s.”

**

Once Mac had neatly thrown up in the trash can in the Arby’s parking lot, his dance moves calmed down, and so Rosa took him inside and ordered him some food. He ate hungrily, and also chugged the black coffee she’d bought for him, despite finding it revolting.

“Soooo, did you have any plans tonight?” he asked, grinning. “Mom told me you have a new girlfriend.”

“I do have a new girlfriend, and we WERE watching movies on the couch until someone’s drunk ass called.”

“Oops. I hope I didn’t piss her off.”

“You didn’t. She’s chill.”

“What’s her name? How did you meet?”

“I’m not telling you yet.”

“I’m drunk, I won’t remember anything tomorrow!” he protested.

“Well, a) you’ve sobered up a lot now, and b) I don’t think you’re the expert when it comes to drunkenness. I remember everything in pain-stakingly minute detail the next day, and you might be the same. Anyway. It’s very new, and things have only been official for a couple of weeks. I’ll tell you about her soon.”

“Fine. Can I meet her soon?”

“Sure. I was gonna do a lunch date with your parents at some point in the near future and bring her along, and you’re welcome to come.”

“Yay! This is your first partner in a while.”

“It is,” Rosa agreed. “I was chill being single for a while, but I missed having someone. But me and Amelia took things very slow and relaxed at first. ‘Light and breezy’ as your mom and dad would say.”

“Amelia!” Mac gasped. “Her name’s Amelia!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she sighed. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

Mac giggled gleefully, still eating his fries.

**

Once Mac finished up his food, Rosa made him walk in a straight line across the restaurant, which he managed successfully.

“Want me to pay you back for that?” he asked as they were getting back in the car.

“Nah, it’s all good, buddy. I’m your Auntie Roro.”

Mac blushed.

“It was really nice to hear you call me that again on the phone,” she said, smiling. “I know it must be embarrassing now, but it’s what you called me throughout your entire childhood. I loved it.”

“I miss being a kid sometimes. While high school and vodka and girls and parties are fun, it’s just…I miss Auntie Roro and playing with trucks and staying at home with my parents all the time. Like, I’m going to COLLEGE next year.”

“I get that, buddy. Growing up is tough, but at the same time, things are so much better when you’re an adult. All the freedom, the space of your own. My parents were shitheads, so I couldn’t wait to be out of their house.”

“Do you not really see them anymore?”

“Once a year max,” she shrugged. “I’m okay with that. They were dickheads when I came out, and after trying to reconnect after that…I realised they weren’t worth my time and energy anymore. I have such a lovely life full of great things and great people. I don’t need idiots like them.”

“Did it hurt, though? That things didn’t work out?”

“Of course it did. I spent my entire teenage years just so desperate for them to love me. Eventually, you just realise they never truly will. You can’t make them change, so all you can do is accept that and move on. Which I did, with the help of therapy and antidepressants.”

“I love you, Auntie Roro.”

“I love you too, Macadoodle. My chosen family is far more important to me.”

“Honestly, my parents love you so much. My dad sometimes calls you his sister.”

“He feels like a brother to me. Worlds colliding, but I’ve picked him up very drunk too.”

“Oh my God, really? Please tell me this story.”

“It isn’t too exciting, really. When we were in the police academy together, he went out with some of his friends and got absolutely hammered. He called me to come get him at 2am, and after he threw up all over my apartment, I made him sleep on the floor next to my bed because I didn’t want him to throw up all over me in the night, or be in the living room in case he needed me. He was so drunk he didn’t seem to notice how uncomfortable it was on the hardwood.”

“I’m gonna make fun of him so hard for that.”

**

When they arrived at Jake and Amy’s apartment block, Rosa went upstairs with him. Amy answered the door before they’d even knocked.

“Mac, are you okay? Why did you call Rosa instead of us?” Amy asked.

“Mac’s fine, Ames, I promise you,” Rosa said. “He was a little bit drunk and didn’t know what to do, but I’ve fed him fried chicken and coffee, so he’s absolutely fine now.”

“McClane! What did you have to drink?” Amy demanded, shocked.

“Like…one and a half vodka cokes?” he lied, shuffling from foot to foot anxiously.

“Amy, honey, relax,” Jake said, coming to the doorway. “He’s a junior in high school! It’s healthy for him to be partying and experimenting at this stage.”

“Right, come inside and get to bed,” Amy ordered, relenting. “I’m not mad at you.”

“Thanks, Mom. And thanks for picking me up, Auntie Rosa.”

“Yeah, thank you so much,” Amy echoed.

“You’re very welcome. It’s no trouble at all. I’m gonna head home, so I’ll see you guys soon.”

“See you soon!” Amy said.

Chapter Text

"Hey!" Rosa said, opening the door to Jake.

"Hey Rosa! I brought beer," he said.

"Sweet. Come in, come in."

They sat down on the couch, cracking open two cans.

"Also, just wanted to let you know...Adrian's having a funny turn today. He gets these episodes sometimes. He's in our room, and he said he wouldn't come out, but if he does and you think he's acting weirder than normal, that's why."

"Noted. Is he...okay?"

"Yeah, he is. It's just PTSD related stuff."

"Ah, gotcha."

Rosa ordered them some pizza, and they put on a largely substanceless action film. Before their food even arrived, Adrian came out of their room and into the kitchen.

"Hi, babe, are you okay?" Rosa said, quickly going to him.

"I...yeah," he said, beginning to search through drawers.

"What are you looking for, babe?" she asked gently.

"I can't tell you."

"Why can't you tell me, honey?"

Jake watched them curiously from the couch, observing Adrian's erratic behaviour and Rosa's palpable anxiety.

"Because you might be one of them," he hissed.

"I’m not sure who ‘they’ are, Adrian, baby, I promise, I'm not one of them," she said, gently touching his arm.

"Get away from me!" he said anxiously, shoving Rosa back.

She stumbled, and Jake leapt up from the couch. Turning around, she gave him a pointed glance, and he kept away despite the rising flame of anger in his eyes.

"Baby, please, it's all okay. You're safe here," Rosa said, stepping closer to him again.

“No, it’s not safe!” he exclaimed, agitated.

Adrian began scratching at his arms.

“Baby,” she said softly. “Baby, I promise you, you’re safe. You’re home, here with me.”

Rosa’s hand came to gently rest on his back.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” he screamed, and with all his force, he punched Rosa in the face.

Body hurtling backwards, Rosa’s back slammed against the kitchen worktop, reeling from the punch.

“GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HER!” Jake yelled, storming into the kitchen. “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER, YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!”

Rosa watched, tears streaming, as Jake threw punch after punch at a yelling Adrian, until he was cowering on the floor, curled up in a ball. Jake flexed his bloody knuckles, kicking him once more for good measure as he sobbed.

“You stupid fucking loser,” he spat. “Hitting your girlfriend like the fucking asshole you are.”

Looking away from him, Jake turned his attention to Rosa.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I…I don’t know.”

Rosa still felt dazed from the punch, and her nose was dripping blood over her lips and chin. Her back throbbed with a dull pain where she’d collided with the counter, and her eyes were blurred with tears.

“You need to get this dickhead out of your apartment,” Jake said, nudging Adrian with his foot, who was sobbing in a ball on the floor.

“He didn’t mean it,” she whispered.

“Rosa, he hit you!” Jake said, incredulous. “Whether he meant it or not, he hit you and made you bleed. It isn’t safe for you here.”

Rosa blinked rapidly, eyes bouncing between Jake and Adrian. Studying her for a few seconds, Jake dragged Pimento up off the floor.

“Jake, please, don’t hurt him,” she begged, voice thick with tears.

“ROSA, HE FUCKING BEAT HIS GIRLFRIEND! HE DESERVES TO ROT IN JAIL FOR THE REST OF HIS FUCKING LIFE!”

“Please, Jake, I love him,” Rosa begged. “Please.”

Softening, Jake paused.

“Rosa, come and stay with me and Amy for the night,” he suggested.

He let go of Adrian, and instead, took Rosa’s hands.

“Okay,” she said, sniffing.

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

“No! No. I’m fine.”

“Okay. Do you want to pack up some stuff?”

Rosa nodded, and went into their bedroom, while Jake glared at Adrian in the kitchen.

“You don’t get to fucking treat her like that,” he said. “Not on my goddamn watch.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” he said, suitably subdued.

“I don’t give a shit. You still hit her.”

Staring at the floor, Adrian waited for Rosa to emerge, holding a backpack shoved full of her stuff. She wrapped her arms around Adrian, and he held her tightly, hands running frantically through her hair.

“I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so, so sorry,” he murmured, cradling her. “I’m so sorry, honey.”

Rosa held his face and kissed him, sobbing into his neck. She inhaled his comfortingly familiar smell, pressing herself as tightly against him as she could.

“C’mon, Rosa,” Jake said, taking a hold of her arm.

With one final kiss, she let Adrian go, and Jake led her away. She heard him fall to the floor in tears behind her, and forced herself not to look back.

**

Rosa sobbed on the drive over to Jake and Amy’s apartment. Jake tried to comfort her, but she wouldn’t speak to him. When they arrived, Amy looked very worried.

“What’s going on?” she asked, eyes bouncing between an angry Jake and a crying Rosa.

“I’ll explain everything soon,” Jake said.

“I need a minute,” Rosa said, sniffing. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Okay.”

Jake and Amy sat down on the couch and waited for her.

“Babe?” Amy prompted.

“I saw Adrian hit her. Well, punch her. In the face. And apparently it isn’t the first time it’s happened. She doesn’t seem to want to leave him, though.”

“This is very unlike Rosa. She usually doesn’t take shit from anybody!” Amy said, shocked.

“I know, that’s why I’m so surprised. I beat Adrian’s ass as soon as he hurt her, but she begged me to stop. It was so…strange.”

At that moment, Rosa emerged from the bathroom, face puffy and red.

“Are you okay?” Jake asked.

“I dunno,” she said, curling into a ball on the couch opposite them.

“Rosa…it isn’t safe for you there,” Amy began gently.

“He needs me. He needs me to look after him. He says there’s these…other people in his head, that make him do bad things, and it’s only me who can calm them down. He doesn’t do it on purpose, I promise.”

“Rosa, there’s a difference to helping someone and getting hurt in the process.”

“He doesn’t mean it,” she said, beginning to cry again. “I love him so much, and he loves me. He needs me to take care of him.”

“Rosa, you owe him nothing,” Jake said, trying to control the anger in his voice. “You don’t deserve to be hit by your boyfriend.”

“I just…I don’t know what to do,” she said.

“You can stay with us, and we can help you. Rosa, it sounds like Adrian needs to get proper mental health treatment,” Amy said.

“He doesn’t like doctors,” she said.

“But that’s the only way he’ll get better,” Amy countered. “He needs serious help, Rosa. You’ve done so well on your own trying to help him out, but unfortunately, you’ve done everything you can. The rest isn’t up to you, now.”

“Can we just drop this for tonight? I just want to go to sleep,” she begged.

“Of course we can,” Amy said. “I’ll set you up a bed on the couch.”

“Thank you,” Rosa sniffed.

“Is there anything you need? Food, water?” Jake asked.

“Some water, please.”

“I’ll get that for you.”

Changing into the pyjamas she’d brought with her, Rosa used a spare toothbrush, removed what was left of her makeup, and then settled down on the couch, sipping the glass of water that Jake gave her.

“I hope you sleep okay, Rosa,” Amy said, squeezing her shoulder. “If you need anything in the night, anything at all, just come get one of us, okay?”

“Thank you. I’m really sorry for all of this.”

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Rosa,” Jake said. “You’re our friend, and we’d do anything to protect you and help you.”

“Thank you,” she repeated, looking away.

“Sleep well, Ro. Goodnight,” he said, brushing a quick kiss to her forehead before going into the bedroom with Amy.

**

The next morning when Rosa woke up, her head was throbbing and her throat was unbearably dry. Dragging herself up off the couch, she went into the kitchen and poured a glass of water, gulping it down and soothing her burning throat.

“Morning,” Jake said, emerging from the bathroom.

“Morning,” she mumbled.

“You sleep okay?”

She nodded, and Jake started pulling food out the cupboards.

“I’m making bacon and eggs if you want some.”

“Sure,” she said. “That would be good.”

“Go sit at the table - Amy will be through in a sec.”

Rosa stayed quiet while Jake cooked, and Amy emerged just as the food was ready.

“How are you feeling, Rosa?” Amy asked, sitting down opposite her.

“I’m okay,” she said, nodding.

“I’m glad,” she said, squeezing her hand briefly.

Jake handed them plates and sat down. They all tucked in.

“I’ve decided what I’m gonna do,” Rosa said, between bites of egg.

“Yeah?” Jake said.

“I’m gonna take him to the hospital. He needs proper psychiatric care, and…I can’t do that for him.”

“That’s a really brave decision, Rosa,” Amy said.

“Can you guys come to my apartment with me later?” she asked nervously. “I don’t wanna be alone with him.”

“Of course we can, Rosa,” Jake said. “We’re here for you, always.”

**

A few hours later, when Rosa had showered and dressed in some borrowed clothes, she fumbled with her key, eventually managing to push it into the lock. She entered, Jake and Amy following closely behind her.

Adrian was sitting on the couch watching TV.

“Babe!” he said, grinning, and leaping up from the couch. “Ah, I’m so glad you’re home, honey.”

“Hey, Adrian,” she said weakly, letting him hug her. “Jake and Amy are here. Sit down so we can have a little talk.”

“Oh. Right, okay.”

Adrian sat down on the couch, rubbing his hands on his thighs nervously. Rosa sat beside him, taking his hand, and Jake and Amy sat opposite them.

“Adrian…I think it’s gotten to the point with your mental health that you can’t keep going on as you are. What you need is intensive inpatient treatment, where you can be kept safe. Which is why me, Jake and Amy are gonna take you to the hospital. Unfortunately, as police officers, we’ve decided that you’re a serious danger to yourself and others, so you don’t have a choice in this. Either you go willingly and everything is calm, or Jake arrests you and we call an ambulance.”

Adrian stared at her for a few seconds.

“Do you…do you really think this is for the best?” he whispered, looking at the three of them.

“I do, baby. You need serious help to be okay. I can’t do it on my own. It’s time for the professionals to do it now.”

“What does this mean for us?” he asked.

“I think it’s for the best that we break up, Adrian. I think that even if you did get better, you’ve put me through too much for me to be able to be with you like that again.”

Tears filling his eyes, he nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t, Adrian. But that doesn’t change the fact that you did hurt me.”

He nodded, tears beginning to fall down his face.

“Let me help you pack some stuff,” she said, squeezing her hand before letting go of it.

Adrian followed her into their bedroom, and she packed some of his clothes, toiletries and personal items into a duffel bag for him. They shared a tight embrace and a lingering kiss.

“I’m sorry it all came down to this, Adrian. I wish it hadn’t, but…I can’t change any of this now.”

“I understand. You don’t need to apologise, Rosa.”

The four of them were silent again as Jake drove them to the hospital. With a final peck of his cheek, Rosa stayed rooted to the spot just inside the ER while Jake and Amy led Adrian away from her.

Chapter Text

At a family game night, Jake, Amy, Terry, and Captain Holt were all kneeling around Rosa’s coffee table, playing an intense game of scrabble. The four of them bickered endlessly while Charles took score and attempted to referee some of the squabbles. Hitchcock and Scully had cleared off over an hour ago as soon as the snacks ran out, leaving the seven of them in Rosa’s living room.

Rosa and Gina were sitting on the couch, their joined hands inconspicuously tucked between their bodies. Both were sipping on glasses of red wine, pleasantly a little buzzed.

“It’s getting late,” Gina said to Rosa, peeking at her phone screen to check the time.

“Mhm. At least it’s a Friday night,” Rosa replied, yawning.

“Can we sleep in tomorrow?”

“Of course. We have nothing planned.”

“Liar. You promised we could go to the mall.”

“Oh fuck, I forgot about that. We can go in the afternoon,” Rosa said, sighing.

“Don’t pretend you don’t love shopping with me,” Gina giggled. “You love being all butch and moody and following me around stores like you aren’t eyeing the clothes up too.”

“It’s all part of the act, baby,” she said, grinning, and both of them giggled.

Rosa leaned down to kiss her softly, and when she pulled away, she noticed the hum of background noise around them had dulled.

Fuck.

Completely caught up in her girlfriend, she’d forgotten anyone else was even there. Face flushing bright red, she looked towards the group. They were all stunned.

“Did you just-?” Jake spluttered.

“Yeah,” Rosa said, shifting uncomfortably.

“Explain! NOW!” Jake said, clapping his hands together excitedly.

“Um…we’re kinda dating,” Rosa mumbled, looking down at her glass.

“Ohmygod,” Charles gasped, before promptly fainting.

“Kinda?” Gina asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Okay, fine! Me and Gina are dating,” Rosa said, sighing.

“Tell us EVERYTHING!” Amy said, grinning.

“Well, what d’you wanna know?” Gina asked.

“How long have you been together? And is everything official?” Amy asked excitedly.

“Six months, and it is all official,” Rosa said.

“BOOM! Ames, twenty bucks please,” Jake said, making grabby hands at her.

She reluctantly started to fish around in her purse.

“What? You two took fucking bets on us being together?” Rosa glared.

“Duh! I KNEW something happened between you two six months ago. There was a subtle but sudden shift in the office vibe, as Gina would say. Stolen, longing glances, and the two of you mysteriously going missing from the bullpen at the same time, and returning exactly five minutes apart. Amy was unconvinced by the very concrete evidence I laid out, and yet, here we are. I am twenty bucks richer!”

“For once, I’m impressed by your detective work, Jakey,” Gina said dryly. “But you did have an advantage as the only member of the squad who knows outright that I’m a lesbian.”

“You’re a lesbian?” Terry asked. “Terry isn’t hating. Terry thinks love is love! But I’m also just a bit confused, because you’ve had loads of boyfriends. Including Charles!”

“A) I’m offended at the fact you referred to Charles as a prior boyfriend of mine. As if I would ever stoop so low as to be the girlfriend of a pathetic little man like that! And, b) can a woman not experiment these days? I’ve always known I liked girls, but guys I wasn’t sure. Until some unfortunate sexual endeavours, ESPECIALLY my ones with Charles, proved me to be a lesbian.”

“Ah, okay, I understand. Terry totally supports you guys, and totally loves this relationship!” he beamed.

“Thank you for coming out to us all about your relationship. Gina, I always got the ‘vibe’ that you were that way inclined,” Holt said, nodding. “I trust you will disclose your relationship to HR first thing Monday morning.”

“Of course, sir,” Rosa said.

“WAIT!” Jake gasped. “Rosa, is Gina ‘Tiffany’?”

“Yep. She picked the code name, and I just went with it,” she shrugged.

“Awww, so was it Gina that made you want to come out?” Amy asked.

“Yes. I hadn’t had a serious girlfriend for a few years, so I hadn’t seen the point in telling you guys. You know I hate personal stuff.”

Groaning, Charles came to, sitting up slowly.

“I am just so happy for you guys,” he said, beginning to blubber. “I finally have a new workplace ship! Dianetti!”

“Bitch, what the fuck is ‘Dianetti’?” Gina asked.

“Your ship name!” he said excitedly. “You know, like Diaz and Linetti smushed together!”

“That’s stupid,” Rosa said, “but also kinda cute.”

“Well, if you like it, I like it, babe,” Gina said, leaning against her shoulder.

“What about the L word?” Charles asked eagerly.

“Charles, not all queer women like that show, and that’s actually a very stupid stereotype-” Gina began.

“No! I mean have you said ‘I love you’ yet?”

Rosa and Gina exchanged a quick glance.

“Yeah, we have,” Rosa said, blushing and wrapping her arm around Gina’s shoulders.

“God, I am SO happy for you guys,” Jake said.

“Amen sister!” Charles exclaimed, making Gina physically cringe.

“Thanks for telling us, even though you kinda had to. You can’t have had any other options after accidentally kissing in front of us,” Amy joked.

“We could’ve gaslit you about it to the point where you started questioning every part of your reality,” Gina countered.

Rosa laughed.

“Okay, well, we will leave you lovebirds to it,” Jake said, standing up. “It’s getting late anyways.”

“Thanks for coming, guys. Same time next week?” Rosa suggested.

“We will all be here,” Captain Holt promised.

After helping to pack away the board games and the alcohol bottles and glasses, everyone cleared out. Rosa and Gina sat back down on the couch, and Gina snuggled up to her, her girlfriend’s arm around her shoulders.

“So…cat’s out of the bag,” Rosa said, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Sure is. How are you feeling about it?”

“Fine, I think. I’m glad they know now. In a way, I’m glad they found out rather than us having to tell them, because that could have been…awkward.”

“Yeah, definitely. Now I can hold your hand and cuddle you at work.”

Rosa smiled, kissing the top of her head.

“How are you feeling now everyone knows you’re a lesbian?”

“Eh, I don’t care. It was always a bit of an open secret anyway. If someone would’ve asked, I would’ve told them. And obviously Jake always knew I wasn’t straight.”

“You make me so happy, Gines.”

“Aww. You make me super happy too.”

They shared a tender kiss, and GIna smiled, snuggling further into her.

Chapter Text

“McClane! Get in the car!” Amy demanded, trying to sound firm but her voice tinged with exasperation.

“NO!” he screamed, stamping his foot and continuing to bawl.

“Come on, honey, can you tell Daddy what’s wrong?” Jake asked, kneeling down to be on Mac’s level and keeping his voice soft.

Mac screamed louder, and when Jake wrapped his arms around his son, Mac headbutted him hard in the nose without a second’s hesitation.

“Shi-sugar!” Jake exclaimed, toppling backwards.

“Oh my God, Jake, are you okay?” Amy asked, rushing to him.

“Well, my nose is bleeding,” he said, righting himself carefully.
“Mac, you’re going to your room for five minutes to calm down, and then you’re gonna tell us what’s wrong,” Amy said firmly, picking him up and taking him into his room, shutting the door behind him.

She returned and sat beside Jake on the couch, handing him some more tissues to wipe his bloody nose with.

“What’s going on with him?” Amy asked, puzzled.

“Do you think he’s just overtired?” Jake suggested. “It’s pretty early, and we had a busy day yesterday.”

“Maybe. He’s never acted like this before when he’s tired, though.”

“True.”

“Oh my God, do you think he doesn’t understand Dia de los Muertos? Do you think we’re gonna die, or that he’s gonna die?”

“No, no, surely not! We explained it to him very clearly, and he seemed to understand. That picture book about it that you read with him seemed to help.”

“God, I’m worried I just frightened him now. He’s only four. Sometimes I forget how little he still is,” Amy said.

“He’s stopped crying now from the sounds of it, so let’s go talk to him,” Jake said.

“Is your nose okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. It only bled a little bit, and it’s stopped now.”

After Amy got a washcloth dipped in cold water, they went into Mac’s room. She wiped his swollen and puffy face with it, and then he sat down on her lap and they cuddled.

“What’s up, Mac, buddy? What’s got you so upset?” Jake asked.

“I want Auntie Roro to come with us,” he said, bottom lip wobbling again.

“Oh, Mac. Auntie Roro does lots with us, but this is just for your Mom’s parents and brothers today,” Jake said, patting his back.

“But Auntie Roro is Mama’s sister!” he said, a few tears leaking out.

Jake and Amy briefly shared a puzzled look.

“Oh, Mac. Auntie Roro isn’t my sister, I’m afraid,” Amy said gently. “But she is my best friend, and she’s LIKE a sister to me. Family isn’t all about blood and being related. Auntie Roro and I aren’t blood related at all, but that doesn’t change anything.”

“So she isn’t my Auntie?” he asked.

“No, she’s still your Auntie. Sometimes, people can be your Auntie without them being related to you,” Jake said, taking his little hand.

“You know what? I’m gonna call Auntie Roro right now, and if she’s free, then she can come with us today,” Amy said.

“Yay!” Mac said, grinning.

Half an hour later, Rosa was climbing in the back of Jake and Amy’s car, giving Mac a big hug, and then the four of them set off for the Santiagos’ house.

Chapter Text

The warm, rich smell of baking cookies filled Rosa’s apartment as she touched up her makeup after work. It was her wonderful girlfriend Amy’s birthday, and her first birthday during the course of their relationship, so she wanted to make it extra special. At Amy’s request, Rosa was going over in a couple of hours for a documentary marathon with takeout and wine. Despite it being her birthday, Amy had decided to stay a little later at work, promising she’d be home and ready for Rosa to come over at 6:30.

Once the timer went off, Rosa took the cookies out of the oven, leaving them to harden on the wire rack for a few minutes before putting them in a tupperware container, leaving the lid off while they cooled. Gathering the rest of her stuff, she carried the box carefully down to the car and headed off.

When she got to Amy’s apartment, she opened the door before Rosa had even had the chance to knock.

“Rosa!” she squealed excitedly, throwing her arms around her neck.

“Baby, relax,” Rosa said, laughing. “You’re gonna knock me over.”

“Sorry, I’m just super excited to see you.”

“I’m super excited to see you too,” Rosa said, kissing her softly but deeply. “How was work, birthday girl?”

“It was good! I got everything done after you left, so I’m happy.”

“I’m glad. Now sit down so I can give you your presents.”

Giggling and clapping her hands in excitement, Amy sat down on the couch, pulling a blanket over herself. She was a little chilly in just a pair of black shorts and an NYPD t-shirt, but she loved it when Rosa gently squeezed and stroked the skin on her thighs while they cuddled, so she was content to be a bit cold.

“Okay, so, this is your main gift,” Rosa said, taking a little box out of her bag and handing it to Amy.

Grinning, she opened it, revealing a gorgeous fancy pen engraved with her name.

“Oh, Rosa, this is so gorgeous,” Amy said. “And it must have been so expensive! Babe!”

“Anything for you,” Rosa said, smiling.

“God, you’re the best. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Rosa gave Amy her smaller gifts, which included some chocolates, Lego flowers and a small gold bracelet. They then turned on a documentary on paper manufacturing, sipping glasses of fancy-ish red wine.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Rosa said, leaning down to dig around in her bag. “I made cookies.”

“Oh my God, these look so good!” Amy said, gaping at the tupperware container. “And they smell amazing too.”

Amy picked one up and bit into it, eyes falling closed in delight.

“These are so good,” she said, mouth full. “And still warm! God, they’re so rich and gooey and delicious. Jesus Christ, Rosa.”

Smiling, Rosa kissed the melted chocolate off her lips.

“I had no idea you could bake like this!”

“I tend to keep that hobby on the down-low. Cupcakes and badassery don’t exactly go well together.”

“‘Cupcakes and Badassery’ sounds like a shitty rom-com where the main characters have a meet-cute in a bakery.”

Rosa laughed.

“Me and you had a meet-cute in a gross, dirty, smelly, crime-infested police precinct,” she said.

“I’d rather that than the aforementioned cringe bakery moment,” Amy said.

“Ugh, agreed.”

“I love you so much, Rosa.”

“I love you so much too, Ames.”

They shared another kiss, Rosa’s hands slipping into her hair.

“Speaking of the precinct…I think we should probably tell them about us soon,” Amy said cautiously.
Rosa stiffened.

“I know you’re really nervous to come out,” Amy said gently, rubbing Rosa’s arm, “but I’m sick of hiding. That doesn’t suddenly mean that we need to be PDA-ing all over the place, but, you know…I want everyone to know how much I love you, and how happy I am. Plus, Jake’s crush on me is getting out of hand.”

“It is,” Rosa agreed. “Can we…can we press pause on this conversation for tonight? I want to talk about it, but I just wanna have a nice time with you for your birthday without having to worry about all this other big stuff. I get in my head about it and I don’t wanna be panicky and distant tonight.”

“Of course, babe,” Amy said. “Thank you for making my birthday lovely.”

“You’re welcome. You deserve it, Ames.”

The two of them cuddled peacefully on the couch while watching TV, and then eagerly tucked into their pizza when it arrived. Rosa insisted on paying, considering it was Amy’s birthday, and she was very grateful to have someone willing to spoil her like this.

Two and a half documentaries and a bottle of wine between them down, they decided to head to bed to extend the birthday festivities. A while later when they were lying in the dark, bodies curled close, Amy spoke, burrowing in further under Rosa’s chin.

“Thank you for such a lovely birthday, Rosa,” she said.

“You’re so welcome.”

“My last birthday, when I was with Teddy, we went out for dinner to a shitty restaurant and we split the bill. The only gifts that he got me were a bottle of pilsners he’d brewed and a bouquet of wilting gas station flowers that looked like they were more aimed at grandmas than girlfriends.”

“Stupid bastard,” Rosa cursed, gripping onto her girlfriend tightly.

“I love how possessive you get whenever we talk about him,” Amy giggled.

“Yeah, well, I hate to think of that dickhead being in your life. You deserve so much better than him.”

“Mhm. And when we came home from the restaurant, we had sex and he didn’t even make me finish.”

“Well, at least I always excel in that department.”

Amy blushed, giggling and kissing Rosa’s cheek.

“You excel in every department, Rosa.”

“I love you, Ames.”

“I love you too.”

They shared a tender kiss, smiling into it.

“Amy…I’ve been thinking about it tonight, and…maybe we should tell the squad about us pretty soon,” Rosa said nervously.

“Really?” she asked, grinning and sitting up.

“Yeah. I’m still really scared, and I don’t think I’m ready to do it, like, tomorrow, or anything. But, you know. Soon.”

“Of course. It doesn’t have to be right away,” Amy assured. “But, soon?”

“Soon,” Rosa agreed.

“God, Rosa, you’re the best. You’re all I’ve ever wanted,” she said, eyes filling with tears.

“Oh, baby. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, too. And I never thought I’d say this, but all this mushy stuff is making me kinda horny.”

“Round two?” Amy suggested, giggling.

“Oh, most definitely,” Rosa said, rolling on top of her as they both giggled.

Chapter Text

“Ms Diaz, you know how I’m, like, your favourite student?” Amiah asked, lingering behind after class by her desk.

“I don’t have favourites, but go on,” Rosa said, raising an eyebrow and smiling.

“Wellll, me and some of my friends were talking, and we think you should ask Ms Linetti on a date!”

“What?”

“Come on, it would be perfect! We always see you two talking and walking the halls together. You’d be such a good couple,” she insisted.

“A dance teacher and a history teacher? Seriously?” Rosa asked.

“Ugh, just come on, Ms Diaz! Admit it, you’d be super good together!”

“Maybe we would,” Rosa shrugged. “And are y’all only ‘shipping’ us because we’re the only openly queer teachers?”

“No! Well, we wouldn’t be shipping you if you were straight, but you’re not, so we’re shipping you guys.”

“Amiah, thank you for your contribution about what you think I should do with my personal life, but please run along to lunch before I have no choice but to put you in detention,” Rosa said, mock-stern.

“Whatever you say, Ms Diaz,” she said, grinning, but left the room.

**

That night, Rosa and Gina, along with Jake, Amy and Charles, were Shaw’s, telling funny stories about their days. When Amy started to get a bit too dance-y, and Jake began making too many heart-eyes at her while Charles watched on adoringly, Rosa and Gina sequestered themselves in a booth away from them.

“You know Amiah Duke, right? In 8th grade?” Rosa asked.

“She’s your favourite student, right?”

“I don’t have favourites!” she insisted. (Rosa totally had favourites. Ever since Amiah had confessed to Rosa in tears that she liked girls but wasn’t sure how to tell her family, Rosa had been sold on the already adorable, funny, and smart kid.)

“Go on,” Gina prompted.

“Well, she told me today that she thinks you and I should date.”

Gina laughed.

“She’s not wrong,” Gina said, taking a sip of her drink.

“Huh?”

“Think about it, Rosie. You’re hot, I’m hot. We’d be great together.”

Rosa stared at her, a little dumbfounded.

“I’m heading out,” Gina said, standing up. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” Rosa echoed.

**

That night, Rosa tossed and turned in bed, cycling between being too hot and too cold. Gina’s words rang over and over in her head. She’s not wrong. God, Amiah really wasn’t wrong. Rosa’s lame infatuation with Gina, pretty Ms Linetti who showed up to work every day in her whimsical clothes and made fun of Dr Santiago’s pantsuits. She couldn’t get her out of her head.

**

Rosa made a decision. When she woke up the next morning, a Saturday, she went to the gym, showered, got dressed, and bought the fattest bunch of roses a teacher’s salary in Brooklyn could buy. Heading over to Gina’s apartment, she tried not to shake with nerves as she knocked on the door.

“Rosa? What are you doing here with a comically large bunch of roses?” Gina said, laughing, when she opened the door.

“Gina Linetti, will you go on a date with me?” she asked.

“Damn! Of course I will, you crazy bitch!” she exclaimed, and pulled her in for a kiss.

**

From then on, Rosa walked the halls at Gina’s side with a small smile on her face, listening to her talk incessantly. Amiah always eyed them knowingly, and other students speculated, but they refused to confirm or deny any allegations. It was none of anyone’s business, anyway. When they made a quiet announcement to their closest colleagues, Charles, Jake, Terry and Amy, they were very happy for them, and they went out for drinks to celebrate. A few years down the line, when they returned after the summer break both as Mrs Linetti-Diaz, the students went crazy for them. Gina loved the attention, while Rosa not so much, but she was very happy that their “secret” was finally out.

Chapter Text

Jake and Rosa were lying down on top of Rosa’s bed, a huge bag of chips and some empty beer bottles between them, staring at the ceiling as they talked.

“God, I have to go and see my mom tomorrow,” Jake groaned.

“I thought you loved your mom?”

“I do, I really do. But she keeps setting me up with her friends’ daughters, and I hate it. I hate it so much. She’s invited her friend Fern and her daughter Denise over for dinner with us tomorrow, because she thinks me and Denise would ‘be great together’. Meanwhile I went to high school with Denise and she was a bitch. Can I say that? Does it make me a misogynist?”

“If it’s true, then yeah, you can say that. What’s wrong with her?”

“Vain. Obsessed with her looks. She was popular in high school and it’s still her entire personality. She made fun of the nerds.”

“Eww. Okay, yeah, total bitch. Why don’t you just tell your mom you have a girlfriend?”

“Because she’ll beg and beg to meet her. It’s impossible to lie to her about shit like this.”

“Okay, well, tell her she can meet her and then say you broke up.”

“Already tried this, and she hounded me for so many details about the breakup it was hard to keep up a straight story.”

“Well, at least your mom is interested in your life,” Rosa said, sighing.

“God, sorry. Am I being insensitive?”

“Nah, you’re not. I just…I’ve been feeling down about it lately. Ever since we had that big fight about her trying to force me to go back to church, just…radio silence.”

“I’m so sorry, Rosa. You deserve better than that.”

“It’s whatever,” she said, sounding unconvinced. “And it’s made worse by the fact that I have to put on a brave face and smile at my cousin’s wedding next week and talk to them all like nothing has happened. And endure the ‘singles table’.”

“Things not worked out with Elijah?”

“No,” she sighed. “I told you we were taking a break, right?”

“Yeah, but nothing after that.”

“Well…he officially called everything off a few days ago,” she mumbled.

“Oh, Rosa, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. We’d only been together a year or so. And we had a lot of fights.”

“Still. It sucks.”

“It really does.”

“You got any other ‘prospects’? Or are you staying single for a while?”

“I think it’s time for a hoe phase,” she said, yawning and stretching. “Bone down with some strangers to work through my problems. Never fails. But, God. I actually feel like I’m gonna throw up at the thought of this wedding. I don’t want to have to pretend to be happy for this stupid gross married couple while everyone and their mother asks what I’m doing and whether I have a boyfriend.”

Jake gasped.

“I have an idea!” he exclaimed.

“God, is this a Jake Peralta Stupid Plan Special?” she groaned.

“1000 pushups it isn't!” he said excitedly, rolling over to face her. “Okay, so what if we pretend to our families that we’re dating for a while? I can come to the wedding with you, and you can come to dinner with my mom!”

“But your mom’s met me before, and she knows we’re friends.”

“Well, I can tell her that things have…progressed,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Eww,” Rosa said, grimacing. “Okay. I have some conditions.”

“Shoot.”

“Number one - I will not slow dance with you at this wedding. Number two - physical contact is limited to a little bit of hand holding and the occasional hug. Number three - I will absolutely not be kissing you.”

“Eww, I don’t wanna kiss you!” Jake said. “You’re, like, my sister. That would be super weird.”

“Agreed.”

“Sooo…is mission ‘fake dating’ a go?”

“I suppose it is,” Rosa sighed.

“I’m glad you’ve agreed to this, girlfriend,” Jake said, grinning.

Rosa threw a pillow at his face, but couldn’t help but giggle.